#i'm sorry that those answers are kinda boring i wasn't really feeling it
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Luke Castellan x hypnos!fem
tags: non-romantic relationship, fluff, Luke's pov.
summary: Luke Castellan was found by the way out his nightmares.
1,6k words
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Luke remembered it quite clearly, the night in which the whole... something between them came to be what is now.
He was sweaty and drained, being the only wishful thought he felt brave to feed, for the air to reach his lungs so he could run a little further. He had lost all his will, and he was now running on the only thing stronger than his determination, his fear.
Both Titan and kid could feel it, that night he was fated to succumb to the torture. His mind had already given its last pleadful breath when his foot tripped and his face met the floor. And he now cannot phantom the thought of how different his life would be if he hadn't lifted his head, she hadn't been there.
Luke saw her sitting, with a blank expression on her face, looking down at him. His hand reached for her never expecting to actually be aid, she took it and pulled him towards her. Once they were close to each other she said to him in a bizarrely sweet voice "Your screams were getting too loud". That was the last time the girl acknowledged his presence, as well as the last time he felt that sort of fear.
Somi kept rescuing him like that every night. She never explained why. Luke never asked her either. He would only sit there in what he guessed were the girl's own dreams, and wake up in the morning with just a thin grasp of the events.
Most things about the dreams (and the dreamer herself), were awfully confusing for the swordman-boy. He felt like she looked at reality with an eager infatuation, like she knew that guy better than the arbitrary rules that defined him ever could. Being inside her mind perhaps was making a number on him. Perhaps that's why she at some point stopped posing as the spacey buzzed girl everyone meditated with at times, and held herself in a homely sort of normality he developed a liking for.
She showed a part of her no one else ever saw. Altough it would probably be more precise to say she eventually stopped hiding it. Being honest with himself, Luke admitted that he toyed with the idea of him having found her.
She acted exasperated, bored, mean. She behaved like any person he would never mistake for her on the other world would behave. Their exchange right now was especially out of character.
She had entered his dream, as every night. She stepped in front of him and pushed his shoulders down, when he fell, he was met with the softness of a bed. Tonight's dream was apparently on a room. "Sorry for the mess." She said to the boy's surprise. He wasn't opposed to a change on their routine.
"Kinda used to it and all." he said. She answered with an understanding nod. "Did anything happen?" the Hermes boy asked just to keep this anomaly alive, to which she sighed.
"Evan just left." Curiosity flourished on the boy's throat.
"Like the real one?" the girl took way too long to answer and started stroking his hair while she thought.
"No... the dream one. But I'm pissed at him. And that's a naptime dream" she answered as if it was obvious. Even more questions arose, so she explained "Those are the dreams you aren't supposed to watch." Huh...
"What dreams I'm not supposed to watch?"
"You know, Castellan." she really meant it, he didn't had a clue. She got close to him to whisper teasingly, even knowing no one would really be able to hear. "The inappropriate ones" Oh.
He understood fast though, making sense of what teenager needs usually were. "I was naive on that one, wasn't I?"
"I mean..." she said chuckling while walking away from him. She sat down on a chair in front of a desktop. The place was humorously colorful.
"Ok. But like... Evan? Does that happen often?" He asked almost gossiply.
"I mean! Not anymore! He's a total prick." that made him laugh.
"Is he?" Luke asked, enjoying seeing her so annoyed, especially as he wasn't the cause.
"Yes. And you know what? I hate that, I hate this. Cause he goes around just getting the fuck he wants, and then pretends he 'didn't mean it like that'. Then I get mad, and he thinks I'm pretty when I'm mad, and I get pissed off when he says that, and then I'm horny when I'm pissed. And you know what? He doesn't deserve horny me." Sometimes she just was that unexpectedly honest. Luke just listened amused. She looked up and let out a frustrated groan. "And now I have to take care of you." That made him laugh, but he didn't want her to know that.
"C'mon I'm not that difficult" he pretended to be offended.
"No. But right now you're truly inconvenient" He put his hands up in the air as his sign of surrender before laying down in the bed. She stayed silent for a minute and Luke almost thought they went back to normal. The girl usually was quiet and still, looking lost into the air, or, only the contrary, highly invested in a task and barely paying him attention. Now she was neither, the chair was slowly spinning with her wearing a childish expression. She controlled every aspect of every scenario he had observed, and even when she didn't feel like going strong at it, she would prove her domain by popping something for him to distract himself. He took note of that when he saw a ray of sunlight entering the window, leaving a path she was now following in his direction. She was standing in front of the side of the bed again. "Sit." she said, way too used to having control over here. And, listen, he wasn't about to oppose an emotional all powerful being. Once he stood straight, she st looking taller than him, barely. She supported her arms on the top of his head. And sighed again. "I hate men".
"Oh, they are terrible" he teased.
She stayed silent for a bit, he was just being used as a table. Then he heard her. "What do you think about... weird". He understood perfectly.
"I've met so many demi kids, that word just simply lost meaning at some point"
"Ok, then..." she took a step back and looked at him now, lowering her head a bit. "do you consider me pretty?" He took a second to look at her, then shrugged and nodded. "Great then... tell me when to stop." She said while sitting on his lap, with both her legs at his left side, and reaching for his left hand. The girl held it against her face and started nuzzling against him. He couldn't ignore the thought that her actions weren't sexy at all, not as much as they were needy. She was like a cat looking for attention, and he truly didn't mind. He lifted his right hand to caress her hair, and she gave in to the touch. She had closed her eyes and moved the hand of her face down to her outer thigh.
His strong hand gripped her skin, almost performatively. He flirted using a lower voice. "What do you want?" his nose under her jaw, his breath against her neck.
The answer came only with her voice, as she didn't even bother to open her eyes or explore his touch. "I'll let you know when you're doing it wrong." Moody, bossy, and assertive. This was not more than a game for them. This was just a caprice. What is wrong with wanting things that feel right?
The girl held onto his left bicep and hid her face on his neck. They just stayed like that for a couple minutes. Somi hiding on his arms when Luke faintly felt the scent of her hair.
"Why did you rescue me?" wasn't enough to disrupt the comfortability of their scene.
"I already told you why."
"I wasn't screaming tonight."
Then the silence prolonged itself for longer than he would have chosen. The girl just gently pushed his body with hers, making them lay on the bed, side by side, looking into the ceiling.
"We... don't really know each other." He agreed with the sentiment on silence. "But, we both have been here for years so I know you know me." Of course he did. "And everybody knows you." He felt like he didn't quite know what she meant by it. "Luke 'the greatest swordsman in the last 300 years' Castellan, a born leader whose smile has infatuated half our population of half-bloods, who is always there to help when someone gets hurt."
Luke analyzed those words for a couple of seconds. Apparently not enough seconds. "Do you... like me?" She laughed.
"I don't mean it like that!" She then took a pause and moved her head to look at him, he followed. "What I'm trying to say is. There are so many children looking up to you, learning from your effort, going to sleep smiling because they know you'll be there to protect them, and when they fail... you don't make them feel like they failed you. I guess for a second I realized how much our spirit was relying on you. I thought maybe you needed someone to rely on too. I'm sorry if I'm making it awkward now." He didn't know how to answer, her eyes on his were feeling heavy for a second so he escaped by closing them. He didn't know how to answer so he just breathed and hugged her, hoping she wouldn't tease him about his heart rate. She didn't. She hugged him back.
#luke castellan fluff#luke castellan#pjo tv show#luke castellan x reader#luke castellan is my sweet boy#and if I can't fix him then I'll join the war#yes all my ocs will be nd coded#that's the point
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RULE FIVE: Break A Rule, Break The Contract
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Y/n feels ridiculous.
Niki had given them a strange look when they asked for Gaeul’s number. He gave in rather quickly though, after Y/n pulled out some killer puppy eyes and a promise to buy him ice cream on their next study date.
So now, Y/n finds themself sitting in an unfamiliar coffee shop as they wait for Gaeul to show up. They had asked her to meet up under the guise of getting to know each other a little better but, due to their anxiety, found themself arriving at the cafe almost 30 minutes early. Finally, Gaeul walks into the cafe; a wide smile adorning her face as soon as she spots Y/n.
“I’m so sorry I'm late!” Gaeul exclaims, sitting opposite Y/n. “You're okay. I was actually super early so you're right on time.” Y/n laughs. “Oh thank god. Sunghoon insisted I let him drive so he can practice and I swear, I thought he was going to kill me.” Gaeul says, causing Y/n's eyebrows to furrow. “Sunghoon's here?” They ask. “Yeah, I made him wait in the car, though. He said something about wanting to hang out because Riki is gatekeeping you from the guys but I told him he wasn't invited.” She laughs. “Aww, now I feel bad.” Y/n pouts. “He can come in, I don’t mind.”
Sunghoon practically runs into the cafe when Gaeul sends the text telling him can come. “I told you Y/n wants to hang out with me!” He exclaims, pulling up a chair. “They just felt bad for you.” Gaeul rolls her eyes, smiling affectionately at her boyfriend's teasing. “I just realised I made myself a third wheel.” Y/n laughs, scratching the back of their neck. “You could always invite Riki. We could have a double date.” Sunghoon suggests, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
“Well that's actually why I wanted to talk to you Gaeul… and I guess now Sunghoon. It's about Riki.” Y/n says, causing both their faces to fall. “Did something happen?” Gaeul asks. “Not exactly… I just thought since you guys are in a relationship maybe you’d be able to give me some advice on something.” Gaeul looks at Sunghoon, giving him a subtle hint to take things seriously. “I mean… we're basically couple goals so I'm sure we can help.” Sunghoon smiles, his response earning him a jab in the side from Gaeul. The whole interaction causes Y/n to laugh slightly.
“Well, my friends pointed out recently that I might like Niki more than I thought I did. I don’t know if he feels the same way… and I don't know if I really want him too.” Y/n mumbles. Sunghoon goes to respond but gets cut off by Gaeul's hand being placed on his thigh. “Go on.” Gaeul insists. “I’m kinda scared for things to change. And I know that if I tell him how I feel, they will. Even if it's a good change, I don't know if I'm ready.” Y/n sighs before suddenly looking up.
“How did you guys know you liked each other?” The question causes Gaeul to turn to Sunghoon with a smile. “Even when he was being a total idiot, I thought he was endearing. We could hang out for hours and never get bored and I quickly realised that I didn't want him to leave my side.” She says, her words causing Sunghoon to break out into a wide smile - dimples on show as he looks down at her hand on his thigh.
Y/n can’t help an overwhelming feeling of jealousy consume their body as they take in the way Sunghoon and Gaeul look at each other. They’re cute, Y/n thinks. They want that.
“Do you feel that way about Riki, Y/n?”
The answer gets caught in Y/n’s throat. They do feel that way about him; that’s the problem. Gaeul said those words so casually - as if she weren’t at all scared to share with the world how much she cared about Sunghoon.
Taking note of Y/n’s silence, Gaeul nudges Sunghoon. “Don’t fuck this up.” She whispers, making him gulp nervously - searching his brain for the best advice to give. “Even if you really like someone, it can be hard to tell if you’re ready for something serious, like a relationship. You’re both young and being scared is normal… but I think you should tell Riki if you’re unsure about something. Talking to him might help you figure out what exactly you’re looking for.” Sunghoon says, smiling proudly when Gaeul gives him a subtle nod.
Y/n takes a moment to process Sunghoon’s mini-speech. From the small amount of time they’ve spent with him in the past, they’d never seen him so serious before. The clear contrast in character helps to ease Y/n’s nerves a little. Surely, if someone like Sunghoon is able to listen to Y/n’s concerns seriously, they must be valid. Right?
“Thanks… sorry for involving you guys in my relationship problems.” Y/n says sheepishly, causing the other two to laugh. “I’d rather you ask us than someone like Heeseung. He broke up with his last girlfriend over Facebook Messenger.” Sunghoon says, attempting to lighten the mood. He can only be serious for so long. “Okay, let’s go order before we start talking about the entire group’s love lives.” Gaeul jokes, pulling Sunghoon by the hand and gesturing Y/n to follow.
Sunghoon's words seem to play on repeat in the back of Y/n's mind. Talking to him might help you figure out what exactly you’re looking for. It's good advice, in theory. If Y/n were a logical person, they might just listen to it… but Y/n is not logical.
Talking to Niki would mean being open and honest with their feelings - something they absolutely do not want to do because, hello, commitment issues. Sorry, Sunghoon. Your good advice is gonna have to go to waste.
“Something's wrong.” Niki comments, snapping Y/n out of their thoughts. They had been so wrapped up in their brain that they forgot Niki was sitting right in front of them. Putting on their best fake smile, Y/n looks up at him. “I'm fine. Just daydreaming… you know me.” Y/n laughs, hoping they are able to convince Niki that everything is completely fine.
Their efforts fall flat as Niki looks at them - his eyes filled with worry. “Y/n, you know you can talk to me, right?” The sincerity in his voice causes Y/n's heartbeat to quicken. God, he’s cute when he’s worried. Shaking away the thought, Y/n abruptly picks up their untouched sandwich. “We don’t have to talk. Like I said, I’m just spacing out. Let’s eat.” Y/n says, going to shove their sandwich into their mouth. Before they can, however, Niki’s hand wraps gently around their wrist - halting all movements.
“Y/n.” He says, voice stern. Sighing, Y/n realises that Niki clearly knows something is up and he's not going to drop this anytime soon. Curse him and his observational self. Mustering up all their courage, Y/n turns to look at Niki - his grip on their wrist loosening when they do so.
“I don’t think we should fake date anymore.”
The words come out of Y/n’s mouth before they can even fully process them. Y/n’s eyes desperately search Niki’s for any sign of emotion - disappointment, relief, anything. Instead, he looks at them blankly before replying: “Okay.”
That’s it? No further questions? No demand for an explanation? Is he just going to let everything end like that?
“You’re not mad?” Y/n asks, nervously. The question causes Niki’s lips to upturn slightly, the subtle smile calming Y/n’s heart just a little. “Of course I’m not mad, Y/n. I can’t force you to be in a fake relationship with me. Besides, this was always going to end eventually, right? I just hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable at all.”
That’s what he’s worried about? Y/n’s freaking out about the constant blurring lines between real and fake, how to live with their growing feelings for him and how to process all of this whilst still convincing the outside world that they’re actually together. Niki was just worried about making Y/n uncomfortable?
“You could never make me uncomfortable.” Y/n states simply, their words causing Niki to sigh with relief. “That’s good.” It falls silent between the two as they both take in the situation. “Well… I guess I’ll see you around?” Niki asks, unsure of what to do next. The two barely saw each other before this whole fake dating thing happened - Y/n was a friend of a friend. Are they supposed to go back to being practically strangers after spending nearly every day together?
Y/n mumbles a quiet yeah, getting up to collect their things without even glancing at Niki. They don’t say anything more as they sling their bag onto their back and they certainly don’t say anything as they turn around and start walking away.
Niki wants to scream. He wants to yell for Y/n not to go; to call them an idiot for even suggesting such a thing. But he would never do that. It’s like he said, he can’t force them into this. Even as his heart feels emptier with each step they take away from him, he can’t protest. This is what Y/n wants.
“What’s up? Aren’t you having lunch with Riki?” Eunchae asks, confused when she spots Y/n approaching the two of them. Y/n goes to respond but the words get caught in their throat, eyes filling with tears. “Oh, babe.” Danielle sighs, immediately pulling Y/n into a hug.
It’s silly; crying over a fake relationship ending. Yet Y/n can’t help the tears from slipping down their cheeks. Was it all just fake to Niki? He agreed to break up like it meant nothing - like Y/n meant nothing.
Meanwhile, Niki also shares what happened with his friends. Although, the reaction is a lot less comforting.
“You’re a fucking idiot.” Sunoo says. “Y/n was probably the best thing to ever happen to you and you’re not even gonna try and fight for them?” Niki is stunned at Sunoo’s words. The two of them weren’t even “dating” for that long - why is everyone looking at him like he’s made the biggest mistake of his life?
“The best thing that ever happened to me? We were together for like 2 months, tops.” Niki laughs, trying to ease the tension in the group. “And even in those two months, we could see how much Y/n changed you.” Sughoon pointed out. “For the better, might I add.” Jungwon chimes in.
Niki looks around at the group, confused. They had never acted this way about any of the other guys' relationships - and those were actually real. Did they like Y/n that much?
“I’m just glad they dumped you and not the other way around.” Jake shrugs. “What? Aren’t you guys supposed to be my friends?” Niki asks, offended. “We are your friends. And as your friends, we are obligated to tell you when you fuck up - like losing Y/n.” Heeseung says.
Niki feels his blood start to boil. It’s a similar feeling he used to get when they would tease him about being single - the situation eerily similar to the day he made up the whole fake relationship.
“Okay… I was never going to tell you this since it's super embarrassing but you guys are ripping into me anyway… the relationship was fake. Y/n and I never actually dated.”
The group look at their youngest friend sunned - taking in his words. “You really are an idiot.” Jake laughs. “Why the hell would you do that? What is this, a Netflix show?” Niki looks down, embarrassment creeping across his face. “You guys were always teasing me for not being in a relationship and… I don’t know, it made me feel like I was lame compared to you all. So I made the whole thing up to get you guys off my back.” Niki admits, his face burning bright red.
“You’re such a baby.” Heeseung teases, reaching forward to ruffle Niki’s hair. The action brings back memories of all the times he did that to Y/n - it’s strange to be on the receiving end for once. “You know, we would’ve cut back on the teasing if you told us it bothered you.” Jay says, honestly. “I thought you guys would tease me for being a wimp…” Niki mumbles, a small pout on his lips. “We probably would’ve… but it’s better than making up a whole fake relationship!” Jake says. “I can’t believe you convinced Y/n to do all that. It seemed so real.” Sunoo says in awe.
“Wait, does that mean the conversation Y/n had with Gaeul and I was fake too?” Sunghoon asks, suddenly - his question causing the rest of the group to look at him, puzzled. “What conversation?” Niki asks. “The other day, we went to a cafe and Y/n told us how they were scared because they thought they liked you more than you liked them.”
The group falls silent as Sunghoon’s words hang heavy in the air. He looks around the group with confusion, wide eyes and open mouths looking back at him. “Y/n said that?” Niki asks, causing Sunghoon to slowly nod in response. “They were asking Gaeul how she knew she liked me and were talking about how they’re scared for things to change between you two… did they not talk to you about it?” Sunghoon asks, Niki’s eyes widening even further with each word. It looks like they’re about to pop out of his head.
“Obviously they didn’t tell him, you idiot!” Jay says, slapping Sunghoon’s shoulder. “Does that mean Y/n actually likes you?” Sunoo asks, excited. Niki can’t help but shake his head in response. There’s no way Y/n actually likes him… right? They were the one who initiated the “break up” to begin with!
“What else did Y/n talk to you about?” Niki asks, turning to Sunghoon almost desperately. “It was mainly just that… they were wanting advice on how to talk to you about their feelings.” Sunghoon shrugs simply. “And you didn’t find it suspicious?” Niki asks. “Well, at the time, I thought you guys were actually together, so no.” Sunghoon replies, defensively.
“Why wouldn’t you come tell me if you thought my partner was having second thoughts about me?”
“I told Y/n to talk to you themself. I don’t want to involve myself in your relationship dramas!”
“But you’re perfectly happy poking your nose in every other aspect of my relationship.”
“A relationship that was fake, Niki. You’re getting all worked up over something that was never actually real.”
“It was real to me!”
Niki’s words seem to even shock himself, with the ways his eyes widen and dart nervously between each of the other guys. “Okay, I think we all need to just calm down.” Jungwon tries to de-escalate the situation. Niki cuts him off by abruptly standing up. “Where are you going?” Sunoo asks. “I’m going to talk to Y/n.”
The friend group falls silent once again as they watch Niki storm off. Sighing, Jungwon turns to look at Sunghoon - noticing a sly smirk adorning his lips. “You purposely pushed his buttons to get him to admit his feelings, didn’t you?” Jungwon asks, earning a chuckle in response. “Someone had to get those two idiots together.”
This feels like deja vu - the way Niki is currently searching the school grounds for Y/n. A few short months ago, he had done the exact same thing. Only this time, he was looking for Y/n in hopes of asking them to be in a real relationship rather than a fake one.
After checking all their usual classes with no luck, Niki finds himself turning back to the one person he knows he probably shouldn’t… Hong Eunchae.
It’s not the most ideal situation, turning to your ex-girlfriend to help you confess your feelings for one of their best friends. To be fair - the two only dated for 6 days so they’re barely considered exes, but still.
“I don’t want to talk to you, Riki.” Eunchae scowls, her attempt at scarring the male going unsuccessful. “This is important, Chae.” Niki frowns. “You think everything’s important.” Eunchae rolls her eyes. “Yeah, well, I’m telling the truth this time.” Niki says, only earning an eye roll in response as Eunchae attempts to walk away from the situation.
Niki, however, quickly catches up - grabbing her arm and pulling her to an unaccompanied spot in the hallway. “Look, I need you to help me find Y/n.” The question leaves Eunchae puzzled. “Just text them.” She deadpans, earning a sigh from Niki. “You think I haven’t tried that? They’re not responding to me.” He says. “Yeah, I wonder why.” She laughs dryly. “You made Y/n cry, Niki. Have you ever had to deal with a sad Y/n? It’s heartbreaking. And none of this would’ve happened if you hadn’t dragged them into your stupid games and played with their feelings.” Eunchae scolds, her brows furrowed with anger as she rips into Niki.
The thought of Y/n crying causes Niki’s heart to ache - especially with him being the reason why. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to play with Y/n’s feelings, I promise… Look, I really like Y/n. I’m dumb for not realising it sooner but I know now. I want to make things right with them but I need our help… please, Eunchae.” Niki practically begs. Eunchae’s face stays cold as she looks into Niki’s eyes, scanning for any signs of deceit. Sighing, Eunchae grabs her phone to send Y/n a text. “Fine… but only because you guys are really fucking cute.”
“And with that, I’ll leave today’s lesson here. Remember, if you don’t get that research paper done by Monday I will personally track you down.” Mr Yoon jokes, earning a couple of scared laughs from the students. “I’m kidding, I’d lose my teaching licence. Now get out of my classroom.”
As Y/n begins to pack up their books, they are interrupted by the sound of Mr Yoon’s voice. “Y/n, are you able to stay back for a second?” A few students let out playful “oohs” at the thought of Y/n getting in trouble before finally filing out of the classroom.
“Did I do something wrong, Mr Yoon?” Y/n asks, nervously approaching his desk. “On the contrary, Y/n. I actually have something for you.” Mr Yoon says, suspiciously pulling out a piece of paper from the left drawer of his desk and handing it to Y/n. “Your boyfriend found me in the teachers’ lounge and wouldn’t let me finish my coffee in peace until I promised to give this to you. He’s very determined, that boy. Anyway, I won’t keep you any longer.” Mr Yoon finishes before gesturing for Y/n to leave the room.
Once safely outside Mr Yoon’s classroom, Y/n carefully opens the note. There, printed in neat handwriting, is a little note from Niki:
“To Y/n,
I hope this letter gets to you safely through Mr Yoon (and that he doesn’t read it. Mr Yoon, if this is you, please stop now). I know writing letters is kinda lame but in a way, it’s also kinda cute, no? Anyway, I want to talk to you in person about something… please meet me at our spot (the bleachers on the field, if you’ve forgotten).
From Riki <3”
Y/n considers for a moment to just ignore the message. Although, knowing them, they’d probably go home and reread it over and over again like the love-drunk loser they are. Sighing, Y/n starts making their way to the field. Niki did nothing wrong - it was their own fault for reading too into things and getting feelings involved. There’s no need to go around acting like Niki broke their heart when he did so unwillingly. That wouldn’t be fair on him.
“You wanted to talk to me?”
The sudden voice causes Niki to jump slightly, looking to the side to see Y/n standing at the bottom of the bleachers. “You came.” He states the obvious, standing from where he’s sat and making his way towards them. “You went through the effort of stalking my history teacher… I couldn’t just ignore you after that.” Y/n jokes.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” Y/n asks, looking up at Niki. Now, with them standing right in front of him, all of Niki’s practicing goes out the window. He had everything planned - what to say, how to say it. But one look into Y/n’s eyes, shining up at him expectantly and they’re suddenly the only thing occupying his mind.
“Why did you break up with me?” Niki asks, his question causing Y/n’s brows to furrow. “I… what?” Y/n stutters, confused. “You asked Sunghoon and Gaeul for relationship advice because you thought you liked me more than I liked you… so why did you break up with me?” Niki’s voice is quiet, a small frown on his lips as he asks Y/n.
They’re suddenly avoiding eye contact, Y/n’s face flushing a bright red at the sudden question - as well as the exposure of their feelings. “I was scared that you were going to reject me.” Y/n mumbles. “This was all fake for you. If I was honest with my feelings, there was a chance you wouldn’t reciprocate. I would rather deal with the pain of never telling you than the possibility of rejection.” Y/n states simply.
“That’s… really fucking stupid.” Niki’s words cause Y/n’s eyes to shoot up. “Sorry I just… god, Y/n, do you not see the way I look at you? Why do you think everyone believed we were together so easily?” Niki asks. Y/n’s brain is starting to short-circuit, the situation and sudden change in atmosphere giving them whiplash. “Because we’re good actors?” They ask, their answer causing Niki to chuckle. “I wasn’t acting, Y/n. Maybe the label of dating was fake but everything I said and did with you was all real.” Niki says honestly.
Y/n pauses to think for a moment, their lips curved into a slight pout as they take in Niki’s words. “Are you saying… that you like me?” They ask, finally, looking up at Niki with hopeful eyes. The view causes him to smile widely, not resisting the urge to reach down and ruffle Y/n’s hair affectionately for the first time this week (he sets a mental reminder that he’ll have to make up for lost time later on). “Yes, Y/n. I like you… a lot.” The words cause Y/n to break out into an unknowing smile.
It feels like time has stopped as Niki waits for a reply. He doesn’t want to push Y/n - knowing how scared they are, it’s the last thing he’d want to do. But waiting for an answer is slowly killing him, even though only mere seconds have passed.
“I like you too, Riki.” Y/n states, finally. Their words cause an immediate wave of relief to rush over Niki’s body. He wastes no time stepping forward and pulling Y/n into his arms, squeezing them tightly as they giggle against his chest. “Oh my god, I thought you were going to reject me for a second.” He groans, nuzzling his nose into the crown of Y/n’s head. “That would be very stupid of me.” Y/n laughs. “Well, you dumped me instead of talking about your feelings so… wouldn’t be the first stupid thing you’ve done this week.” Niki jokes, yelping in pain when Y/n playfully hits his chest.
The two stand in each other’s arms for much longer than anticipated, relishing in the warmth that radiates off the other’s body. They’re grateful that most other students have gone by now, leaving the field a peaceful haven for just the two of them.
“Does this mean we’re dating for real now?” Y/n asks, peeking their head up to look at Niki. He looks down, eyes temporarily landing on Y/n’s lips before eventually deciding against it. It’s too soon. “Well, I’d be pretty embarrassed if we didn’t. I got your teacher involved and everything.” Niki says. “Boyfriend of the Year.” Y/n laughs, their words causing his heart to flutter. Boyfriend of the Year - take that, Sunghoon.
TAG LIST: @j-wyoung @thesassy-mia @luvistqrzzz @yourmyst4r @heerinnie @odisdad @wzy3ka @mrchweeee @rizzkisworld @beomsbeanie @ablackbtsstan @sweet-kisses-and-bloody-screams @kang-yeosangs-initials @wildflowermooon @k1ttylvr @nikisdubblchococake @luva1y @microwvdstrawb3rri3s @en-happiness @haechansbbg @ashiitex @nuttyenthusiastdaze @coolwitu @schniti-is-in-the-house @wrosie-writes @beomgyusonlywife @ye0nvibezzn @soobiverse @im-yn-suckers @tomomorin @eupherbia @raginghellfire
#enhypen#enhypen fanfic#enhypen fanfiction#enhypen x reader#enhypen fluff#enhypen niki#niki fanfic#niki fanfiction#niki x reader#niki fluff#enhypen riki#nishimura riki#enhypen heeseung#enhypen jay#enhypen jake#enhypen sunghoon#enhypen sunoo#enhypen jungwon#kpop#kpop fanfic#kpop fanfiction#kpop x reader#kpop fluff#fanfic#fanfiction#x reader#fluff
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hi :) binge read your de fic that you have posted on ao3 last night and really enjoyed all of it! excited to see any updates. was wondering if you have any rec for other fic youve read and enjoyed-- i am not god's bravest soldier and do not enjoy trudging through tags and was wondering if you had read anything yourself that you really enjoyed lolol
Hey, thanks so much!!! Sorry it's taken a couple days to answer this, I'm poor as shit and have two jobs now wah... capitilism...
I'm working on the next 46' chapter, It's about 70% complete and I generally let it sit for an evening once it's done then re-read it the next day to catch the vast majority of mistakes (I edit everything myself) so I'd say expect that in the coming days.
I have some thoughts! I... Have never been asked for fic recs before so I'm gonna list a bunch in no particular order that I enjoyed, and reasons why. I will note that I tend to enjoy meaty plot-based works over fluff, so that's what I'll be recommending. Anyway!
Paddling Out (THE REPEATER CORPSE CONUNDRUM) - @transhitman
- So this is the first DE fic I read and it set the bar pretty fucking high. YOU'VE GOT: a very cool and insular setting (don't get me wrong I like fics where they travel around Revachol too, but there's something to be said for building a set and living in it for a while) YOU'VE GOT: extremely harrowing tension and pale-fuckery YOU'VE GOT: some genuinely beautiful, heartfelt moments (I don't want to spoil anything but "people don't need your permission to care about you" kinda undid me) YOU'VE ALSO GOT: Amazing art?! Always a bonus, I wish I could draw people lol
Have You Heard The News That You're Dead? - Wizardlover
- Time Loop shenanigans hell yeah! Basic premise: Kim is *unable* to save Harry's life after he's shot at the tribunal, each time he dies he Reawakens in Martinaise on the first day and desperately has to try and find a way to either prevent the Tribunal entirely, or survive it. I think the major draw to this one is how well it's characterised and how well that lends to the major source of tension: trying to convince THE WORLD'S BIGGEST SKEPTIC that you *a man he 'has only just met'* is actually stuck in a time loop. Juicy shit.
The Case Of The Man Who Two-Thirds Wasn't There - @glisteningceruleaneyes
- We got another case fic here, gang. This is one of those "they travel around Revachol" numbers I previously mentioned. A lot to love about this fic; the minor OCs are all loveable (or at least well-written, looking at you Mr. Bigot-All-Rounder), the elements of writing in the game's style (particularly use of Harry's 'to do' list that you find in the ledger, you don't see that as often!) are all fantastic. Also without spoiling too much I'm a sucker for hurt/ comfort :) I like when bad things happen to our specialist guy :) ALSO! alternating chapters, Kim vs Harry's perspectives contrast REALLY well! Just a super enjoyable read.
- On that note I also wanna include a special mention: there's a podfic for this one and since I mentioned my two jobs, I've been listening to audiobooks at work (I'm a cleaner. It's very boring) and that was a fun change of pace!
The Emergent Causeway - hal_incandenza
- Now you KNOW this one is good because it's the only *unfinished* fic I'm recommending. Again, We've got art! We've got a brand new (non-Revachol!) setting that still feels excellently Elysium! We got that excellent balance of humour and misery from the get go! EXCELLENT murder mystery so far, I am intrigued AND also there's a fucking puppy. Hell yeah. This one's from Kim's perspective and does a really good job of it, nothing like a man being begrudgingly sent on holiday and being somewhat relieved to have a corpse to deal with.
A Spilled Kaleidoscope - @spilledkaleidoscope
- I'm actually recommending a series here. Real definition of "came for the art, stayed for the writing" I mostly have a soft spot because I got to watch a few "haha, what if-?" musing text posts become a series of written chapters and INCREDIBLE DRAWINGS HOLY SHIT. Like, you really just draw hands for fun, huh? This person made a pact with some sort of devil beasts to draw hands very good, at the bare minimum we can read their fiction.
Nothing To Lose But Our Chains - Lepak
- I almost forgot this one and I honestly can't believe it because this is one of these ones that you need a cigarette afterwards. Good fucking god. This is probably the best fic I've ever read in terms of not shying away from the heavy themes that make Disco Elysium such a beautiful, moving game. It tackles a racism in many forms, particularly how people like Kim (in working for the RCM) and immigration laws do their part in upholding racist systems, despite the way it hurts him too. Of course, it's also excellently written with tense scenes and some real funny moments. A real good'un here.
The Catacomb Killer - SupposedToBeWriting
- Give Harry more memory loss. Make him convinced he killed a kid. Make *Kim* convinced he killed a kid... Then the plot thickens. I won't lie I can't remember fuck all about this one because I was mostly drunk when I read it, but if it was good enough that I kept reading instead of smoking a spliff or something then it must have been excellent... I will re-read it when I have the time, lmao.
MURDER ON THE AIRWAVES - @randomisedmongoose
- I'm just a really big fan of murder mysteries and gore. You show me somebody with brain matter pouring from their earholes and I'm like "yum yum, more of that please." I am a sucker for curious methods of murder and this one's good for that. Lots of trekking back and forth like in the game again. More ACAB - always good.
I did not mean to include this many...........................
Oh well. Here's my list, there are plenty of others I've enjoyed but these are just the ones that came to mind! Thanks again for reading my fic! Always makes me happy when people let me know they enjoy my writing :3
#hey if i tagged u in this and u don't want to be tagged then PLEASE lemme know and i'll remove u#likewise i dont know if everyone has tumblr so if u know somebody does ping this post their way and if they wanna be tagged let me know and#i'll do that#fic recs
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What are your favourite ttrpg mechanics that you’d like to see adopted by more systems?
Sorry for taking so long to answer!
Anyway, my answer is probably gonna be kinda boring because I very rarely play those artsy, high-concept rpgs with really out-there experimental mechanics.
I think some of my favorite mechanics are those that take elements of classic old-school roleplaying games but streamline and abstract them to juuust the right amount of crunch. For example, I've mentioned this before: I ADORE the initiative mechanic from games like Mausritter, Into the Odd, or The Black Hack: At the start of combat, every player makes a Dexterity check. Players that pass get to act before the group of enemies, while players that fail have to act after the group of enemies.
Similarly, I REALLY like the way The Black Hack handes inventory management through its usage dice system (which has inspired similar systems in later games): for stackable, consumable items such a arrows, rations, lantern oil, etc, instead of keeping count of the exact number, your represent the quantity of items with a die. Each time you spend the item, you roll the corresponding die, and if the result is 1-2, you downgrade the size of the die by one step (e.g. a d12 becomes a d10). When the usage die is 1d4 and you roll a 1-2, you run out of whatever item it was.
Both of these mechanics massively streamline initiative and inventory management and vastly reduce the bookkeeping involvd in those systems, but still keep the idea behind them crunchy enough that they still preserve an element of tactics. I tend to hack these mechanics into pretty much any old-school game that features initiative or inventory management, and I've yet to find a case where it wasn't a huge improvement.
Another mechanics that I love that I' think we don't see enough in games is 'd love to see used more often in games is risk-reward choices. One of my favorite examples is a magic weapon which I think appears in the second Mörk Borg Cult zine (Mörk Borg Cult: Heretic). When attacking with it, you can choose any number and apply it as a penalty to your attack roll, in exchange for getting to apply the same number as a bonus to your damage roll if you succeed. So the harder you choose to impair yourself with the attack roll, the bigger the potential damage you'll do if you manage to succeed. I think that's one of the best-designed magic items I've ever seen in a ttrpg and I wish more things in TTRPGs incorporated that kind of decision.
Lastly, another one that I love but I don't think it fulfills the "you’d like to see adopted by more systems" part of your ask: I absolutely ADORE the flashback mechanic from Blades in the Dark. Basically: at any point during a heist, you can spend stress to invoke a flashback to roleplay an action your character did in the past to prepare for the situation they're facing in the present (as long as it doesn't contradict or "undo" any of the things that have been established in the fiction so far). E.g. as you enter a party you get patted down and deprived of your weapons, you might choose to trigger a flashback to roleplay how earlier that afternoon you came by, gave one of your guns to one of the valets and, bribed him to hide it for you in one of the potted plants inside the ballroom. Just like any other action, depending on how hard or risky it is, it might automatically succeed, or it might require one or multiple rolls.
The reason I'm hesitant to say I'd like to see it adopted by more systems is because, as much as I consider it one of the most brilliant ttrpg mechanics of all time, it's also a mechanic firmly rooted in BitD's criminal theme and heist structure, and to me i'd feel pretty out of place incorporated into any system that doesn't mainly revolve around executing heists.
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How do you feel about the new Indigo Disk mons? Personally I think Hydrapple is sick as fuck.
Sorry for the wait! Was at work all day.
This answer will be under cut due to spoilers as it came out today.
I'm going to get these guys out of the way real quick cause I don't have a lot to say about them. In general, I am not a fan of robots/mechas, and Violet's Paradox pokemon, to me, are boring as it's the same mon but robot. Actually seeing them go robotic is what had me decide to get Scarlet over Violet. Only thing that tempted me was that Miraidon looked better for bike lizard, but the majority of the Paradox mons I just didn't like. I think only other I liked was Iron Thorns, but not enough to get it.
Of the... Iron Justice Trio (?), I actually like Iron Crown and Leaves the most.
Of the Justice Trio, Virizion is the one I liked the most. Iron Leaves doesn't do much to improve them, but I kinda like it cause I like Virizion the most of the trio.
Iron Crown for me actually improves Cobalion for me. In some shots in the trailer, it actually looks majestic and fierce. I think with this, they were just able to polish the design better cause Cobalion to me just... always looked awkward. Like, it has blocky noodle legs. I don't like it. And by the lighting it looks like it's wearing a skintight jumpsuit and I don't like that. So, yeah, Iron Crown really improves and polishes up Cobalion's design. At least for me.
Iron Boulder is just... meh. I don't really care for Terakion (similar issue to Cobalion in that it's just kinda awkward) and I wasn't expecting too much.
Walking Wake I actually wasn't too crazy about initially.
I will say, a big part of it was that I was salty we didn't get that sketch. I really liked the look of this thing. It looks like something you would ride into battle and it'd be epic.
And then we got Walking Wake and it's like, oh.... ok.
But WW has grown on me, but if I had to pick between it or Suicune, I'd go with Suicune. It's not my favorite of the Paradox Beast Trio. Maybe it's making that shift of going onto two legs that throws me while the other two stay on four, so it's not so jarring? Idk.
Raging Bolt I liked more than Walking Wake, I think it's just so silly I can't help but kinda love it. It may be my fav of the trio.
I do wish they picked a color to stick with. It's kinda messy with the red and the blue, and there are others in agreement. Some artist even go with blue over the red.
Gouging Fire, initially, I want to say I like what I see.
But it's also kinda busy, so I'm in that spot where I kinda like it but I'm also unsure. Maybe I just need to see them in the game and how they move.
Duraladon I didn't really like, so Archaludon does nothing for me. When I first saw it, I wasn't even sure what I was looking at or knew where to rest my eye. So it's a mon I'm never going to use.
By leaks and rumors, Hydrapple was a pokemon I was excited to see, and I gotta say, I do like it. In general, I love the Applin line, it's such a cute punny pokemon.
It makes me wish Flapple and Appletun got an evo too, cause they feel like 2nd stage pokemon and could go further. Like, Appletun could've gone draconic turtle apple pie thing, and Flapple could've gone farther as a wyvern. Maybe one day.
Honestly, only thing that's disappointing is that it turns out those rumors were wrong and it's not our first Bug/Dragon. So, not yet sadly. But I am looking forward to trying it one day.
Terapagos was the legendary I was most intrigued with. And then I saw the apparent true form in the anime.
Yeah I'm... I'm not crazy about it. My interest kinda dropped a little. The head is cute, but the rest of the body makes it look like some weird poodle. I like this form much more and I rather they stuck with it as the true form.
I also saw that Terapagos has another Tera form, which so far, I can't find an image of it to share but I have caught glimpses, and atm, until I can get a good look, I have no idea what I'm really looking at. There's a lot of visual noise with that Tera form so I haven't really processed it yet in the bit I've seen.
Lastly, Pecharunt, I can't quite tell what I'm looking at yet. A butterfly??? I'm not sure. Supposedly this corrupted the "Loyal" Three, and is the true mastermind, or so I've heard. But of what I see doesn't impress me or interest me as much. It may be a matter I just need to look at it when there's better quality images and footage out.
So for me, with the Indigo Disk, new mon wise is probably a positive but mixed bag. There are some I like, and some I don't.
#ask Punchie#pokemon#pokemon spoilers#pokemon scarlet#pokemon violet#pokemon sv#pokemon sv spoilers#indigo disk#indigo disk spoilers
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i’m here sorry for the hour! (i think we have the same time zone) SOO one of my biggest hc, because i’m a drama lover and love suffering,, i think they fight really rarely but when it happens it’s a big deal and they both suffers so much having an argument with each other 😭..brahim is always the one who say sorry but he does with actions and not really verbally because my other hc is that his love language is physical touch (it feels just real YK?!?).
THOSE ARE MY PRINCIPAL ONES BUT I HAVE A LOT MORE HC, BUT I THINK I WILL WRITE THESE AFTER SCHOOL TOMORROW (today basically lmao) BECAUSE IM SO TIRED😭😭
OHH AND I WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT, just as yk i read anything u wrote on AO3 and i really love the way you write emotions, dialogues, sensations and the scenes ITS JUST AMAZING,, and i can’t wait for you to write more😭😭🫶🏻🫶🏻 (this text is so long helpp) ohh and my favorite one is absolutely “”i want to hear your breath (just next to my soul)”” I LITERALLY READ THIS LIKE 26382728 TIMESS🫶🏻
AND NOTHING SORRY FOR THIS REALLY LOOOONG AND BORING TEXT, (i’m so talkative when i talk about things i love lol)
love youu💕🫶🏻😭
(i hope you understood this because my english is so bad sometimes and so confusing☹️☹️)
hii!!!
right off the bat, drama and suffering? girl same 😭😭 HDNFKJFJ ES YES BIG YES that is so 100% how it goes, like they're both dumbass supreme fr it's bound to not end well sometimes (ಥ_ಥ)
AAAAAAAA as for saying sorry, ur soo right brahim is definitely the one to do it first bc honestly? look at theo bro does he look like he'd ever say sorry FKSHFJKKK 💀 ok jk he probably would if he realllyyy had to but yk... but really, that's so cute to imagine and also kinda sad pfft-
& ahh yes the age old struggling to verbally say sorry is so both of them fr... both of them are a little stubborn for that hehehehe
i totally see physical touch being their love language hdnfksskkk aaaaa U KNOW THEM SOO WELL this is so accurate i' cryingggfggf
THANK YOU SO MUCHH FOR SHARING THESE,, and wow,, even more? i'm blessed fr ah 🥹
AND OH! i'm,, (❁´◡`❁) thank you infinitely, i'm soo glad there are people out there who like what i make it makes me soo happy, and of course i will write more for them, always!!!! :,-) *☆。
PLSS DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE LENGTH, i love getting long asks, they're absolutely the best to answer, and it wasn't boring at all AA already made my whole day has me smiling like an idiot etc etc,,
i'm also reaaaally talkative about these things, i get itttt and pls feel free to talk about them (or anything else!!!) whenever u want to!!
i love them fghdd
and love u too omg thank u sooo much 💐(´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) 💌💌
(yes of course i did!!! not confusing at alll and your english is really good don't worry pleaseee)
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For your horror au, would Casey junior be in the cosmic horror with Donnie because of the whole Krang or would that be it’s own horror genre? (Sorry the only horror I know is psychological and that’s just with arg…) would hypno be the big bad of this world because of his hypnotic abilities? (Like that episode close don’t make the turtle)
Also since the gang have to keep going back and forth what if they found a way to mind melt and help one another? It might be more difficult or easy with Leo then, say Raph, but just a idea! And oooh slasher Mikey! Final girl, Mikey!! (That the term I think?) You think with him being into therapy he would be good for psychological…oh what if one day then end up switching horror?
Raph should totally take the creepy doll and give it a makeover…no mean ghost, but a pretty friend now!
I'm going to try to put as many characters as I can in different genres, so I don't think Casey would be cosmic horror. If I end up including him, I wanted to put him in apocalyptic horror (which I honestly only learnt is a thing a couple days ago)! That or if I put F!Leo in somewhere, I think that he would be apocalyptic horror, while Casey would represent alien horror in general.
I wasn't planning on having a "big bad" but honestly that's a really interesting idea. The idea of Hypno using his powers to make the turtles experience those sorts of horrifying events is... sort of terrifying. I kinda love it. I'm not sure that I'm going to use it though, since I'm leaning towards the horrors being a result of a family curse right now. Although, I think that if they ever had to fight him in this au, they would find him MUCH scarier than they do in canon.
Mind melding would be so much fun, but as you said, I don't think everyone would be able to do it. Imagine it as an angst point though? Later in the story, when they have all become closer, they learn that through their family bond, they are capable of reading each other's minds.
Mikey, who is the most connected to his ninpo, finds it the easiest, almost chattering in his brothers' brains by accident. With a bit of training, Raph learns how to do it too, opening up to them in a way that he doesn't feel he can usually. He finds it much easier to explain his thoughts when he doesn't have to say them out loud. Later, in the midst of a breakdown, possibly dissociating, Donnie mind melds with them too. He is incapable of speech but wants, needs them to understand how he feels.
The only one who could never connect is Leo.
It doesn't upset them, of course. Leo had always struggled with the more mystical side of his powers, unable to trust himself even in the heat of the moment to do what is right. It upsets him, though, because the issue isn't that he doesn't trust himself. He knows what that kind of blockade feels like, and he knows how to deal with it and move on.
He can't mind meld because he doesn't trust them, no matter how much he wants to or how hard he tries. And he doesn't even know where to start explaining that to his brothers.
Anyways, sorry for that little ramble. 10/10 concept though.
Slasher Mikey makes me very happy. I think he should get to stab people. Just a little. As a treat. :)
Also, the idea of them switching genres has passed my mind before. There are two ways that could go, the number 1 being that they find it sort of funny/boring because they don't actively fear those things, or... they come out with more scars than they came in with.
ALSO for that last point. If the turtles ever end up processing their trauma and learning to vibe with their universes instead of actively fearing them, I would absolutely love to make them just chill with their respective monsters. Raph getting to play with the ghosts. Mikey getting advice from a serial killer. Donnie getting an extraterrestrial pet. It would be AMAZING.
Thank you for the ask, this was really fun to answer aslkjdalkjdsa.
#ty for the ask!#rottmnt#tmnt#rottmnt horror au#tmnt leo#tmnt raph#tmnt donnie#tmnt mikey#ty for the tasty ideas. much enjoy <3
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Hello again! I'm really bored right now, so I'm going to send you another ask. What are all the tugs' biggest fears and insecurities? I know it's a big, deeper kind of a question, so please don't feel forced to answer it. If you do want to answer, it's here. By the way thanks for replying to my first ask, and you're welcome! 😊
no problem dude,, i like asks and i've kinda been getting back into the series sooo yeh-
i've never considered it up until you asked so these may change over time, but for now here's what i have!
more under the cut.
let's go with the Stars for now, shall we?
at first, Ten Cents claimed he wasn't scared of anything but he was always kind of scared of failing his fleet. he was scared they'd reject him and kick him out of the fleet even if he made one minor mistake, this was something he was always scared of since he was a kid. his relationship with his biological parents may or may not have solidified that. since Munitions, he's developed a fear of fire and explosives, a slight fear of explosive/flammable materials as well. the explosion scarred him so badly (more so mentally) and nearly killed him, the whole incident also caused him to develop PTSD as well so that only made his fear of fire/explosions even worse. he's trying to overcome his fear of them but it's been hard, but he's confident that one day he won't be scared of it anymore.
Big Mac was and still is scared of losing any member of the Stars. in the time he knew them, he saw them as his second family and the thought of losing any of them scares him to no end. especially O.J. and Warrior.
O.J. used to be scared of dying when he was younger, and even though he's not as scared of it now, he still is. only because he doesn't want to die alone. he wants to die peacefully, surrounded by his family and his wife.
Top Hat acts like he's not scared of anything, but he's scared of a lot of things. he has a huge fear of being abandoned or left behind, which developed when he was a teenager. he's terrified of the prospect of losing someone he loves or them abandoning him, he desperately wants attention from everyone but he's not going about it the right way.
Warrior is really scared of failing everyone around him and "not being good enough," he's dealt with that since he was young and it really gets to him whenever the Zeds tease him about his flaws because it just reminds him of those fears and he hates it.
Hercules is also scared of failure, he knows that the fleet looks up to him in some aspects, and for him to fail just upsets him to no end. the only other thing that he's scared of is losing the people he loves. the Munitions accident terrified him to no end because he thought Ten Cents was dead. that he lost someone who was basically a son to him.
Sunshine (like Warrior and Herc) is scared of failure and losing those he loves. he wants companionship and when he almost lost it because of the Duchess incident, he broke.
Grampus isn't scared of death, but he is scared of the people he cares for getting hurt or in trouble as a result of his actions. he wants everyone around him to be safe and in good health, and if they suffer for it because of him then it breaks him.
i feel so bad not answering this until now i'm so sorry for the wait!
#this is tugs#bigg city port#humanization#humanized#the starfleet#star tugs#tugs ten cents#tugs big mac#tugs oj#tugs top hat#tugs warrior#tugs hercules#tugs sunshine#ask#ask response#thanks for the ask!#anonymous
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Pleasantview - Burb: Prologue #5
Jennifer got home, all giddy from her kiss with Melissa, and was surprised to find John awake and waiting for her.
"Jen, can we please talk now? We were supposed to talk earlier and you kinda bailed on me."
Jennifer sighed. She supposed that she really was the asshole in this situation. She gingerly sat down next to him.
"I'm sorry, John. I'm just figuring some stuff out—"
"—what do you mean, "figuring stuff out"? What happened to all those plans we made together? I'm not asking for much, Jen—"
Jennifer interrupted him, cold and distant: "—you're right. You're not asking for much. Just to use my body so you can satisfy some twisted primal urge of yours to breed—"
"—that's not fair! You're twisting my words! I just want to have a big, happy family, okay? And I'm not saying you need to give birth again! I'd love to adopt kids! Hell, I'd even be happy to take in Lilith and Angela since your brother and Mary-Sue won the prize for World's Shittiest Parents—"
"John. Raising kids is hard work. I just would rather focus my energy on my career right now and pour all of our resources into giving Lucy the best childhood she can possibly have—"
"—well, I think that the best childhood possible includes having siblings..." John took several deep breaths before continuing.
"Jennifer, I feel like we don't want the same things anymore. And that scares me."
Jennifer sighed.
How can I tell him that I never wanted the same thing that he did? It would break his heart. Why did I ever think I would change my mind?
"I'm sorry, John. Maybe I haven't been fair to you. I want you to have everything you want."
John smiled, "Thanks for apologizing. And I'm sorry too. C'mere."
As her husband wrapped his arm around her, Jennifer felt conflicted.
I do love him...in a way. He's my best friend. I care about him a lot. I mean, I'm married to him! Maybe we could make things work, for the sake of Lucy. It's not like he is abusive or mean. Don't I want him to be happy? Doesn't he want me to be happy? Isn't that enough?
"John. Let's try for a baby tonight."
John smiled, "Seriously?"
Jennifer nodded.
Just as she was about to get undressed, Jennifer's phone rang. She hoped it was Melissa, and immediately answered it.
But it turned out that it was Dina Caliente, calling her to tell her that she was engaged to Mortimer Goth. She hadn't heard from Dina in ages—they used to be friends in college but had since lost touch.
"Well, maybe we could catch up over lunch sometime. I'm, uh, actually kind of busy right now so I have to let you go. But congratulations!"
Alright, let's do this.
After what felt like the most boring, drawn-out sex of her life, John finally rolled off of her and fell asleep. Jennifer got out of bed and made herself a tomato sandwich while her thoughts ran wild.
That was a huge mistake.
For better or for worse, Melissa had opened her eyes to a brave new world. She could no longer pretend to be John's suburban heterosexual wife. It wasn't fair to him.
Even though her and John cared for each other deeply, they ultimately couldn't make each other happy. And so she would have to let him go.
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Hi! I'm the er…c/u/m anon from earlier? I'm really sorry to hear you're dealing with a lot of transphobia and harassment. If I had known you were dealing with that, I wouldn't have sent that anon. I don't like the idea that something I did caused you uncertainty or discomfort. I hope it wasn't too upsetting.
But, I also wanted to thank you for writing, if that's ok. I really like what you do with Shadowheart as a character, and I enjoy Asheera quite a bit! "Gond rebuild me" has managed to worm its way into my lexicon now, and I find it quite amusing. Anyways, thanks for your time. Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to talk off anon, but for now I hope my little support is enough.
Hi anon! No worries, the cum talk doesn't bother me at all. I actually edited down that response from my original because I got quite TMI, so it might have made the answer sound very "chaste" lmao.
And it's, I think, two or three people sending the nasty asks. Blocking those anons stopped it for a while, so hopefully they get bored soon.
I really don't want to make it seem like you shouldn't send stuff like that! I genuinely appreciate that you feel that way. That's the reason I responded, and it's the reason I don't turn off anons: I don't want to make it worse for everyone just because of one or two bad eggs!
PLEASE DO write in with those feelings! Fanfiction is generally kinda isolating these days, especially the type of stuff that I write, and commenting culture is very different so whenever I hear anything from folks like you it MAKES MY WHOLE WEEK! I love hearing that you appreciated the writing, and I'm 100% actually moved when people say they like my characterizations. Especially when you say you like Asheera! She's a real part of me, and I really love that others like her.
"Gond rebuild me" indeed lmao.
Your support is enough anon, and I'm really glad the fics can be like that for you. Don't feel compelled to send anything in off anon, but I do really, really appreciate it 💜
#hey you can ask me things!#trans stuff in fic#you didn't hurt me it was those rude asks not you#anons like this are incredibly sweet and I want y'all to feel comfortable sending stuff like this to me#if I can write about trans women's cocks in a fic I can write about this stuff in my ask replies when it really affects you 💜
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hi i’m not sure if you’ve answered this before but i’m shifting to winx club and i’m in the middle of scripting alfea cause i’m making it a college instead of a boarding school. i kinda wanna know a little more about the classes you took there and such.
like what was your schedule like? were the classes hard? what kind of exams did you guys have? is griselda as mean in real life? did you guys take a history of magic class and if so is there anything interesting that you learned about the magic dimension through that class? also in the show, Brandon, sky, riven, etc. all had dragons. do you have one of your own or were they only for specific people?
i’m so sorry if this is a lot and you don’t have to answer all of this if you don’t want to. it might be boring to answer but you’re the first winx club shifter i’ve ever seen and i’m so interested in the small details of peoples drs😭
AHHH I don't mind at all I love talking about my Winx DRs!! Okay, I'm just gonna go down the list and hopefully this helps! Standard disclaimer that I'm only describing the realities I experienced and that you'll likely shift somewhere else so if there's anything you don't like in my answer, don't worry too much.
For Alfea specifically, we started the day somewhat early! We woke up around 5-6 am and they served breakfast from 6 am to 9 am (sometimes they closed early). First class started anywhere from 6:30 to 10 am depending on your schedule. Most classes lasted about 45 minutes to an hour although there were some that were technically two hours (they typically split those up so we had breaks in between). Lunch/dinner is more of a free for all so they start serving it at like 10 am and keep going till everyone's in bed. Classes stop anywhere from noon to 2 pm! Sometimes they lasted longer if we were doing something special but our days were usually pretty short. We had to be in our dorms by 9 pm and lights out by 10 pm! Although since you aren't gonna be living there, that doesn't really matter hahah
The classes weren't particularly hard for me but there were definitely students who had more trouble. Alfea classes and lessons can typically be divided into "in-house classes/lessons" and "hands-on classes/lessons". In-house classes/lessons are classes/lessons where you're just sitting at a desk and taking notes. In these ones, you're usually not performing a spell or making a potion, but instead learning the basics and what-to-dos of it. Meanwhile, hands-on classes/lessons are literally what they sound like. These are classes/lessons where you're actually doing something and not just taking notes or reading a chapter. This can range anywhere from spells, potions, flying, practical exams, etc. Most classes have a mix of these lessons (except for classes like history or math where you can't actually do something).
Exams were separated in the same way! You had written exams and practical exams. Practical exams were always more fun since you weren't just sitting at a desk. And there were exams for literally every class, so def prepare for that.
Griselda being "mean" is kind of a yes and no. She's not mean in the sense that she would insult you or make you feel bad on purpose because she never did that. But she was "mean" in the sense that she was extremely strict, had really high standards for everyone, and was fairly blunt with students who messed up. She gave out a lot of punishments (detention, cleaning, early bed, etc) and she wasn't afraid to scold you in front of other students. So yeah,,, yes and no. All the other teachers are fairly nice so I feel like it's not too bad?
And yes we did take a History of Magix class! We actually had that for multiple years since there's a lot to cover. Not to sound like one of those people, but I really enjoyed learning about the different wars. I also really liked learning how magic came to be, how different cultures approached it and used it, how magic mixed with culture, etc. It was also really interesting learning about how all the different planets learned about each other's existence and how they established a connection! Honestly, there's just so much to learn about Magix and it's all really fun if you like history!
So in canon and in my DRs, the dragons were specific to Red Fountain! Not every specialist has a dragon but most people in the "knight" specialty do. The dragons typically only bond to one person, although them bonding to more than one person can happen if those people are very close (lovers, best friends, family, etc). Red basically has a history in dragon wrangling and protection. The dragons you see in the show that are bonded to them were actually endangered! Red was tasked with the protection of the species and it worked since they aren't endangered anymore but also slightly backfired because they got so used to people that they now prefer to be around people. They're classified as "working animals" now :) Similar to horses I guess? But don't worry! I scripted out all kinds of abuse, including animal abuse, so they're treated very well in my DR. If you want a dragon yourself, I would just script that Alfea has the dragons too (and that you can bond with one).
And don't worry about sending a lot of questions! My Winx DRs are very dear to me so I love sharing them 🥰
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The Fourfold Tap Liveblog
I just realized that I'm almost done with Season 3 already, huh.
Oh, starting with Raph having the brain damage this time? Oh he's been kidnapped. Is he in Saw? THEY'RE COOKING HIM NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OH THIS IS A SAW EPISODE ISN'T IT WHYYYYYYYYY ARE THERE SO MANY HORROR INSPIRED EPISODESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Oh god Raph still had Brain Worm Juice in his blood?
Lol everyone was waiting for it to explode
DONNIE IT'S OKAY SWEETIE IT'S OKAY DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP
Awwwww Splinter, thank you for being understanding an patient with Donnie. That was nice, "At least I have four wonderful sons." Good Parenting Moment, Splinter
UM LEO?!?!?!?! WHAT ARE YOU DO- TRY HARDER?!?!?!?!?! YES DONNIE SHOUT HIS ASS DOWN
YEAH LEO YOU'RE THE LEADER YOU FIND THE ANSWER DONNIE MAY AS WELL BE THE FUCKING LEADER WITH HOW EVERYONE'S ALWAYS LOOKING TO HIM FOR ANSWERS AND SOLUTIONS ALL THE TIME
Donnie should get to run away, I think. Let Donnie quit the team for once. Let him run away and make some other friends for a bit. Engage in some teen rebellion. This is why my OC for this show befriends Donnie and he becomes second-in-command of her Mutant Rights Activist Group (they're trying to force New York to acknowledge Mutants as citizens openly, Donnie really believes in the cause but Splinter and his brothers are afraid it'll bring the heat down on them and want the whole group to stop, Donnie can't believe it and leaves to full-time help with the protests)
Aw, he calmed down for April. ... I don't trust April's call, something's wrong
HE DID RUN AWAY YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY HE DITCHED THEM
An effective team thinks as one, you mean Make One Do The Team Thinking
Oh yeah, that was a Kraang clone, wasn't it? Poor Donnie...
PFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTT SPLINTER HAS A GIANT RAT WHEEL, I WANNA BELIEVE THEY STOLE IT FROM SHREDDER
If those fuckin' magic scrolls cure her I'll be so pissed.
ICE CREAM KITTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY OH THEY'RE PLAYING POKEMON YAYYYYY AWWWWWWW SHE WONNNNNNNN NO MIKEY LEAVE HER ALONE
Oh no, whatever got Donnie is using him too! Is it mind control or cloning?
Oh god, Mikey was poisoned!!!!!!!! NO THEY GOT MURIKAMI NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOO NOT MURIKAMIIIIIIIIIIIII
Yeah exactly it's a fuckin' tra- guys maybe call Casey? Clearly Casey hasn't been targeted by whoever this is, so he's your Ace In The Hole. They won't expect him. I miss Casey.
LOL KARAI USED DONNIE'S VOICE FOR THE THING SORRY THAT'S HILARIOUS BECAUSE I IMAGINED SHE JUST FORGOT TO TURN THE VOICE MODULATOR OFF AND WENT "Gah, that ruined it" IN HER HEAD
Okay so are Donnie and Mikey Brain-Wormed, then? No, those were holograms, okay.
Yeah, I'm bored of The Foot. I want The Kraang back. They were a lot of fun.
OH SHIT SHE BROKE BEEBOP'S NOSE YES GO APRIL LOVE YOU
OH NOOOO WE'RE BACK TO RAPH BEING COOKED shit she even said it's a game, it's Saw for real- WHATTTTTT DO THEY HAVE HOOKED UP TO DONNIE'S HEAD
Pfffft "Bake my foot up your ass"
This is lame. This is a lame episode now. ... They trapped Donnie in Tetris? OH FUCK THEY STRAPPED HIM TO AN ELECTRIC CHAIR SHIT
AGAIN HIS BRAIN IS GETTING MESSED WITH FOR FUCK'S SAKE STOP MESSING WITH HSI BRAIN HE NEEDS THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Mikey one doesn't work for me. A mutagen one would fit Donnie better, given his fears of being a freak. I think Mikey's trap would be better served as a threat of immobility, like he's weighed down in some way or otherwise unable to move his limbs, or maybe a threat of if he doesn't get out they'll make him unable to ever speak again. But the mutagen just feels kinda... "Oh we couldn't think of a thematic thing for him" cop out.
ROCKSTEADY I LOVE YOU
God this Karai Villain shit is stale. Ah, return of The Cheese Phone.
FUCK DONNIE GOT SHOCKED AGAIN GEEZ HE AND RAPH HAVE IT THE WORST RIGHT NOW I THINK THEY'RE BOTH ACTIVELY BEING HARMED THE MOST
FUCK 'EM UP SPLINTER WHOO
Are you... shitting me, Leonardo? Raph asks you what to do and you immediately pass it on to Donnie? Whom you can hear screaming in agony in the room next to you? Whom you just got into a fight with because you won't stop pressuring him? You pass along the buck? This is why you feel like being a Leader doesn't mean anything sometimes, Leonardo, because you aren't one.
Sorry sorry, Mikey is afraid he'll... mutate into himself but a girl? What kinda transphobic nonsense are the writers on right now? Unless he's already FTM, in which case yeah valid fear.
GET FUCKED BRADFORD
Hey finally Xever uses being a fish to his adva- SPLINTER KILLED HIM
Tigerclaw... why do you want Splinter to pay? What is your stake in this?
RAPHHHHHHHHH HE'S DYING NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OH NO BLOB OF MUTAGEN OVER MIKEY NOOOO FUCK DONNIE IS STILL BEING SHOCKED
AND ONCE A-FUCKING-AGAIN DONNIE SOLVES THE FUCKING PROBLEM AND LEO JUST GOES ALONG BECAUSE DONNIE'S THE REAL GLUE KEEPING THE TEAM TOGETHER HERE
Raph... oh he's gonna be so sick and fragile for so long after this...
GOD DONNIE'S ONE IS SO FUCKED UP
OH SHIT MIKEY TO THE RESCUE- DUDE HE ENTERED THE SIMULATION?!?!?!?!? MAGIC FUCKING MIKEY DUDES
B-TEAM FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR B-TEAM FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Sometimes Splinter makes Sonic Adventure 2 Eggman noises.
THIS MAGIC SHIT BETTER NOT FUCKING WORK OR I'LL BE SO PISSED- GOOD IT DIDN'T WORK- NOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK IT DIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Well there she goes again. down one of the giant toilets. This is getting real old, dudes. Just let her go home with them, for fuck's sake, I'm so tired of this. It's a sweet moment here but I'm tired.
Okay OH FUCK EW EW EW HER VOMITING IT UP EW
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Getting to Know Your BL Mutuals
rules: answer the questions and tag some people. include the tag ‘g2ky BL mutuals 2022’ on your post so we can find everyone’s answer.
(optional ofc <33)
i was tagged by @braceletofteeth <33 thank you!!
wow this got really long,, good luck yall
What were the BLs that took you by surprise last year?
i won't lie, i wasn't surprised that i enjoyed kinnporsche, but to the extent that i did (and of course still do), that was kinda surprising. they had me paying to watch a livestream of gay™ the musical, and i'm not even mad. it was my first thai bl, so, oh lord, my standards were raised.
last twilight in phuket - controversial, but i think i prefer it to i told sunset about you (though itsay is so so good). i didn't know 13.43 mins could make me feel so much, but there we are, and i'm very happy to be in that situation.
What were the BLs that you felt a bit disappointed with last year?
oh i have some very controversial opinions on this–
- there's one that everyone really loves that i didn't finish, thought it was trying to be bigger than what it was (if that makes sense), and just found it really... boring. it got to one plot line and i'd had enough– though i'm willing to give it a re-try because, granted, i was in a kinnporsche mourning period when it came out. im not even gonna name it because i swear everyone i follow loves it (welp-)
- to my star
again, controversial, but i haven't seen this being talked about as much as the last one. i haven't seen s2, but oh my god, i'm sorry but i was so bored, and this was before kinnporsche so my standards weren't even insanely high, yeahhh
- blueming
it wasn't *bad*, but the way everyone hyped up made me think it was gonna be something really special, yeah i was definitely disappointed
- cutie pie
didn't finish. arranged marriage is never my favourite, but i'd heard so many people say how good it was, and sometimes you have to trust the crowd. i didn't find that here. i may well re-try it, along with the unnamed show further up, but yeahhhh. best part was perth, and he genuinely might be the only reason i try it again.
What was your favourite BL last year?
unsurprisingly, kinnporsche :)
i'd been without a favourite show for a little while, which is so so unlike me. i tend to need something to consume me and kinnporsche just did that. first ep and holy fucking shit, *that* is what i'm talking about. i hadn't actually heard of it until an edit came up on instagram, and i instantly downloaded iqiyi, found ep 1 and 2 were out, binged those, and fell in love really
when i say it became my favourite show just from the first episode, i truly mean that. it was the biggest power move of a first episode and ughdhdh perfect <33
i've tried (and will continue to try) to convince my mates to watch it. i have been successful once with the whole show. a few of my mates just know vegaspete as KFCock, but yknow a win is a win, they are aware of their existence, which i'll gladly take.
Favourite BL/GL couples (not just of 2022)
grouped by show/film~
kinn and porsche (kinnporsche)
vegas and pete (kinnporsche)
kim and chay (kinnporsche)
arm and pol (kinnporsche - they're canon idc)
chan and big (kinnporsche - also canon, you cannot convince me otherwise)
moon-jo and jong-woo (strangers from hell - absolutely canon)
oh-aew and teh (i told sunset about you – but not after ep 3 of i promised you the moon, nawww i'm so mad)
art and golf (till the world ends)
joke and long (till the world ends)
sam and mon (gap)
arisa and ying (the stranded)
nat and gun (the stranded)
jack and krit (the stranded)
jia-han and birdy (your name engraved herein)
kuina and ann (alice in borderland)
jae-young and sang-woo (semantic error)
tae-sung and hae-bom (cherry blossoms after winter)
park and pong (big dragon – i've watched 4 eps, i'm staying for them and them only. yai and mangkorn? no- park and pong? fuck yeah!! i haven't finished it yet, i'm doing one ep per night, so four more to go. i'm surprised it's getting a season 2, but i'll take it for park and pong instead of the main two ✋️✋️)
that was long– anyway it turns out i definitely need more gl recs, which i expected, but yeah, please gimme recs
If you had to suggest a BL for someone, what would it be?
allow me to suggest a few~~
kinnporsche
- mafia, but *sometimes* make it wholesome. and then add a hearty dose of PAIN. perfect :D,, i know i've already said it, but i'll say it again it's consumed me, and i'm so grateful. i had some of the worst exams when it was coming out, and kinnporsche genuinely got me through each week, kept me smiling, made everything just a bit more bearable, and i am forever grateful for that.
strangers from hell
- what do you mean it's not a bl. of course it is. whatever moon-jo and jong-woo have going on is most definitely *not* heterosexual. also there was way more chemistry between those two than jong-woo and ji-eun. if you're looking for a comfort psychological thriller, this is it :D - i mean it's the most wholesome show i've ever watched, just two guys bonding over shared interests and falling in love (aww)
till the world ends
- on my knees begging someone to watch it– it's really pretty, made me cry, from a very small film company and eee i love it
i told sunset about you (& last twilight in phuket)
- so so aesthetic and pretty and ughfhhf– last twilight in phuket is maybe one of the prettiest thing i've seen. itsay is also so so pretty. HOWEVER, for the sake of your own sanity, don't watch i promised you the moon. i mean ep 1 is really good, but after ep 3 and maybe ep 2? hell naw
semantic error
- this may have been my first bl? idk, anyway, it'll forever have a soft spot in my heart, it's wholesome enemies to lovers 😌😌 also i'll say series > film – the film is literally 3 hours long, which i wasn't prepared for so that's kinda on me, but yeah
cherry blossoms after winter
- i had shitty mocks when this came out and it made every thursday so much better. it's really wholesome and very much screams comfort.
the stranded
not explicitly a bl, however there's one canon mlm couple, another borderline canon mlm ship, and basically canon lesbians. it's kinda like a thai teen version of lost (idk if any of yall have seen that) but yeah :)
What was your non-BL favourite last year?
oooooooh~~
i think it's gonna have to be happiness
mwah, beautiful, stunning — childhood friends with unrequited love to fake marriage to found family to requited love, and zombies like that is the SHIT!!
south korea just owns zombies honestly, because everything i've seen is so good, even the not so well rated ones (this,, train to busan, all of us are, #alive - to some extent)
other mentions 😌😌
:: little women (the kdrama) is another elite show, highly highly recommend it. my trust levels went all over the place during it, but hell yeah
though i do feel robbed about a certain ship. not even a hug :|
:: money heist korea is another one!
forgive me for not having watched the original,, but anyway i've heard that tokyo's really annoying in the original which sucks :/ oH nairobi is bi, because i said so
the end~
tagging (ofc optional <3)
@songtaegguk @achilleanskops @badboyvegas @kinnporsche-n-chill @subtextsays
#g2ky bl mutuals 2022#i got to talk about stuff i adore im very happy#yall can guess the unnamed show i hated and mayyybe i'll confirm#i love answering all this stuff but then i get so unnecessarily nervous about tagging people
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for the art ask meme: 6, 7, 11, 21 and 29!
6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)
Hmmm 🤔 honestly I have no idea. I feel like I'm pretty tuned into what inspires me, but if my art feels inspired by something to an outside eye I'd love to hear it. Sorry this answer is so boring!
7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate
COSPLAY. God I'd love to have any of those skills. I made a kinda crappy fem fantasy Loki cosplay once. the only thing i liked was the cape i made and other than not being able to hem it I think it came out pretty baller.
21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways
Midcentury modern painting (i love mark rothko), instillation art (specifically kienholz style work), and really super elaborate painterly anime stuff like ayami kojima.
29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically
100000% 70s/80s slashers.
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Hi! It's me again (I promise I am not an exhibitionist ^^" I just can't send you a private message for some reason).
I really haven't gotten any notification so thank you very much for the public answer (sometimes I think Tumblr has something against me personally).
Czech is a beautiful language! I don't know anything about it, but my eyes get heartshaped whenever I hear it or about it (and it was my second choice for the BA degree).
I think I have an idea why the first series are special to you. As I said, I haven't yet watched anything else to compare it with, but I have the feeling that it's in those episodes when the writers care the least about the team and the most about the plot. I mean that the episodes are Kirk centered (even Bones is only occasiononaly present and Uhura, Sulu and Scotty barely communicate with both Spock and Kirk) and I have yet to see a bad episode without a serious message. I know that this will change and I am actually a bit scared by it. Cause when I started watching I thought I was up for silly funny friendiship-tenderness-banter stories that could be pleasantly interpreted as ships. I wasn't really prepared for the complexity of characters' feelings or the tragedy of their choices. I am mesmerized by it. (But maybe I am all wrong and you have a different perception. Would you care to share? :)
Actually, now I really don't get it how like the 80% of fandom only cares for spirk having sex. I mean it is beautiful outside of TOS (and I am forever grateful for all those weeks on ao3) but that is the most boring hc you can have in TOS. You should really be in the 60's and consider gay sex taboo to make it exiting. To be honest, I haven't thought about TOS spones or mcspirk either, but I read a couple of your works last night (it was a really nice escapism night, thank you) and you've made both couples look very interesting (I am honestly looking forward to the new chapters of the spones slow burn work-in-progress). I am especially fond of your style! It's both very delicate and very TOS. It didn't feel wrong even in this missing scene from the Consciousness of the King and I have just watched the episode. I loved especially how Kirk wanted Kodos to be killed and maybe even wanted to see him watch his daughter suffer. I think I disagree with you on the subject of Kodos but it only makes it more interesting.
Huh, this got a bit out of control... I am very sorry!
Hi! I think it might be connected to the fact that you don't appear in notifications? Even when you reblog a post of mine, no one can see you liked/reblogged it in the post itself… I'm not sure if this is what shadowbanned means, but it's possible that it's something like that…
The reason why I like the first half is kinda similar to what you said. Part of the reason is that the episodes are Kirk-centric (but that doesn't really change later, the whole show is Kirk-centric, actually, he's the star after all), but the other reason is that more than the rest of the show, these episodes are actually those where you can see the life on the Enterprise, where you can see supporting characters interacting, where you get glimpses of what TOS could be if it was an ensemble show. There are also some personal reasons, mostly related to McCoy and how much I love his and Kirk's scenes in early s1, but after the writers realized that Spock and McCoy have a fun dynamic, they started to increase that, while lowering Kirk&McCoy scenes…
There are still plenty of good episodes later, with good messages (I think the pop-culture version of Trek is very subtle, almost nonexistent, actually, there are a few episodes like that, but it’s not the majority), but with the change of the showrunner (not sure if that's the correct term lol but yeah), the second season got a bit lighter and fun, and the 3rd season got slightly depressing with its themes and the empty and dying planets, and it focused primarily on the trio only. The show just evolved (even though most of the changes were caused by egos lol)
I mean, I don't watch TOS and think that spones or mckirk have sex, I don't see anything in the show as romantic (nothing reads that way), but it's fun to think what IF because that's what's shipping about to me, and the spones dynamic and the mckirk dynamic are compelling to me on different and various levels (not necessarily just romantic/sexual). So it's fun to try and figure out if I can get them somewhat together in a way I'd enjoy. I have nothing against s/k as a ship (I feel like I always need to make sure that people understand this), I just don't find anything interesting about them as a romantic ship - probably the same way as most people don't find anything interesting about tos!mckirk lol (the never actually experienced simple friendship without subordinate/superior shadows that's part of the show/films is way more compelling tbh, but it's not like you can find that in fanfics, not that I tried though lol but considering everything…) But I dislike the fanon portrayal, and I dislike how aggressive some fans are, so I just prefer not to speak about it with others (I occasionally do make a post about some aspects of their friendship I enjoy though), even if it's just friendship, because I have different opinions, and I blacklist all mentions of it. (it took me a moment to figure out why your ask didn't show for me on my computer, since Tumblr Savior hides all mentions of sp1rk (and variations) for me lol)
I'm glad you had fun with my fics and that the relationships worked for you! I see Kirk as an unreliable narrator in that Conscience of the King fic, so not everything he thinks about Kodos is necessarily true. And his fondness for Lenore made it even more difficult to know what to really do when confronted with someone who could be Kodos.
I hope that my love for spones will come back soon, so that I can work some more on that wip!
ETA: I want to also add that I don’t think there’s anything weird or boring about only watching a show because of a ship or a character and having that as the primary interest. It’s practically what I do too on a perhaps a different scale, but it’s not really different.
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Hey, I know my last update was kinda depressing, but it's about to get a whole another level of depressing real soon.
I know you really loved dad, and I know all you wanted was for us to be a big happy family like all your friends had, and that's probably why this feels waaaay more awful than what it actually is.
So Dad and Cher had an encounter (I guess there is no english word for roce), and things titlted sideways, well, maybe more like they did a whole 360.
You know how money crazy dad has always been, but after this thing with cher he became a total psycho. He bought a safe (that this other psycho friend of his suggested) and put all the money inside there, and none other than hin and his secretaries are allowed to touch the money there, wich, okay, but he has fucking awful money management, even worse than Cher, and that is saying something.
Anyways, the thing is that I talked to him, because I didn't want Cher to leave, I didn't want the person I love the most to leave because he's acting like a little kid again. So I talked to him, I told him all I wanted, all all of us ever wanted was for him to love us, to make us feel protected, that I wasn't asking for a lot, just for him to be a Dad, y'know? He obviusly didn't get it, like always, it was like talking to a wall. Just imagine how pathetic I looked begging my father to show me a crumb of love.
Obviously nothing changes, yeah, he came home that night and told us he would try and that he loved us and blah blah. Empty words, as always.
Honestly it was hard on me emotionally, like honestly after your death, this has been the worst thing to ever happen, the stress is too much, is like being under water and running out of air.
I talked to him again after a few days because he was being his annoying self as usual and I was on edge. He told me I had a bad view of him and that he wasn't what I thought anymore, and yeah, I gave him that, but I also told him that he wasn't that much better eitherway, I told him that all I ever wanted in my life was a dad like the ones my friends had, I didn't want a millionaire or whatever, I just wanted a Dad that loved me and my siblings, that loves my mom, that made us feel safe at home, a man that I could look at and say "Yeah, I want to marry a man that makes me feel as loved as my dad made us feel all those years", because I don't know what that is. I also told him that he can offer me economical stability all he wants but it's just worthless If I feel like killing myself half the time. I told him that I would choose mom and Cher in a heartbeat, because for me that's where home has always been.
Then he started rambling on and on about how important we all were to him, so I asked him a question; If I invited him to a recital that was important to me, would he go?, he said 'I woudn't go, because it isn't interesting or important to me, but I would take you there and pick you up afterwards'. And there it was, the answer we've all been waiting for, he just doesn't care.
I told him so, I told him that there is the difference between us, because I would listen to watever stupid shit he has to say because I know he likes it and it's important to him, and that's enough to make it important for me too, I told him that maybe It was a stupid recital and it was boring as shit and whatever, but for me it was important, and for me it was important that he was there, because I wanted him to be part of something that as important to me. And that's it.
I guess I would've liked to have that conversation sooner, I would've liked to realize that my Dad maybe doesn't love me at all, that maybe he never loved us at all.
I guess this I another gaping wound that I will have to carry forever.
I'm sorry.
Love you always,
Your big sister.
#vent blog#letter to my late brother#vent post#toxic family#grief#loss#bpd#daddy issues#family#families#bpd vent#personal vent#personal#toxic relationship#toxic dad#toxic dynamics
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