#i'm again not a therapist so i can only offer comforting words!
Note
anonymously admitting to being a closeted lesbian here but i think why i’m so upset at the possibility of her being gay and in the closet is bc it coincides with my own internalized homophobia and painful struggle. like maybe i’m angry at her for suffering in the same way i am while also being who she is. complete parasocial complex going on of course but .
I’m really sorry you’re going through that. and I truly do hope you can get to a better place with your struggle soon so you can be happier and more comfortable with yourself! I love being a lesbian and I wish you could feel that same happiness. I believe you can, and it’s already really great that you recognize these things in yourself and admit them at all, even if it’s anonymous. It’s a start! As for taylor I mean when I talk about her being a lesbian it’s just for fun. So if it’s not fun for you and what you’re going through, you can believe she’s straight! Nobody will ever know the reality of her private life so you’re free to see whatever you want to see in her (as long as you don't harass her about it, which i'm sure you're not). The only Taylor swift you and I will ever know is a public figure performance so like she can truly be anything. People on here used to joke around she was a serial killer and bring up which lyrics make her sound like one, truly just as a fun game. (Serial killer night was both so fun and also turned out to be in line with her true crime interests I guess haha) think whatever you want at this point, and whatever you’re comfortable with. Even if she is a closeted lesbian in reality, you thinking she ISNT a closeted lesbian won’t suddenly like… make her straight. You can’t change whatever her private reality is for better or worse, so it really doesn’t matter what you think! Think whatever you want! And you can block or mute people, like me even, who refer to her however jokingly as a lesbian so you're not triggered by it. it's just a website, lol. you are free to decide what you do and don't want to see, nothing personal. just don't harass gaylors (which i'm sure you weren't planning on doing) as they are ALSO allowed to do and see what they want to do and see on this website. we can all coexist.
I'm not sure if you were looking for advice, but if you want to turn this pickle into something productive, maybe you can practice loving her as a (however fictionalized) closeted lesbian and extending grace and compassion to her. If you can find a way to get comfortable doing that with her and the struggle you imagine she is having, maybe it’ll help you get closer to extending yourself that same compassion and grace. if you can forgive her for her missteps or harm she is causing herself, with an understanding of why she did these imagined things, then you can maybe see how your own struggle is the same and equally as deserving of forgiveness. Sometimes the distance and the safety net of fiction can help people confront things that they can’t confront in their own lives just yet. A stepping stone if you will. just remember to always move at your own pace and speed and seek out professional help if you feel particularly stuck, as they're more equipped to handle things like this than i am. you're going to be just fine buddy!
#i hope this was helpful and not a pile of garbage#i'm again not a therapist so i can only offer comforting words!#and also only when i'm comfortable doing so which i was this time#but please don't come to me for advice i'm an idiot just like you!#unless you want food recs in the city cuz i have those by the pound
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I am SO nervous to ask, but I have an urgent request for Obey Me. Can I ask for Diavolo, Barbatos, Simeon, and Beelzebub comforting a burnt-out reader? The reader's mental health has been decreasing for a while, and lately they think nigh everyone sees them as incompetent. They've had to do a LOT of things in a short span of time and they have to do even more tasks that require mINimAL eFFoRT to do in the next week while acting as the unpaid therapist for their friends.
Diavolo, Barbatos, Simeon, and Beelzebub (Separate) Comfort Burnt-Out Reader
Pairings: Diavolo x Gn!MC, Barbatos x Gn!MC, Simeon x Gn!MC, Beelzebub x Gn!MC
Warnings: mentions of low mental health, feeling burnt out
Genre: Comfort
Post-Type: Headcanons
Word Count: 730
Summary: In which they comfort you after seeing how burnt-out you are
[A/N: Hiiii, I'm sorry this is so late, I got sick and have just been very busy with work and getting ready for the holidays, but hopefully this is still useful you you :)]
Diavolo:
Diavolo is also a very busy man, as the next in line to be king of the Devildom and being the president of the student council, he knows what it feels like to have a lot going on
He sneaks away from Barbatos and his pile of paperwork to go look for you
When he does find you, he drags you away on a little rendezvous to help you get away from your own mountain of responsibilities even if its only for a few minutes
Usually you both go into town together and have a meal or just browse around in the different stores
On days where Barbatos is keeping a closer eye on him and he can’t sneak off, he encourages you to get any work you have to get done, in his office
Just so he can keep a close eye on you and make sure you take breaks frequently, to lessen the stress and try and keep you from feeling burnt out
Barbatos:
Barbatos is one of the most responsible men out there, but he too is busy with his own duties, as well as watching over Diavolo to keep him on track
Yet despite being busy, he always makes time for you–after all you’re part of his duties, taking care of you comes naturally, yet it’s a task he’d never leave undone
If there’s anything he can do for you to help lighten your workload, he’d do it
Most of his visits include tea time and sometimes he even brings some sweet treats that he baked specifically for you
Back massages are a must as well as maybe a short walk to keep the blood flowing and allow you some fresh air
He’s always there to listen to your concerns or worries, he’s YOUR person that hears you out and offers advice since he knows you never put yourself first in any other part of your life
With Barbatos, you’ll always be first
Simeon:
Simeon notices how tired you look day by day, but when he finally decides to step in, he takes you away from everything so you can clear your mind and just stop worrying about everything for a moment
You both venture to the human world for some well needed sunlight; since the Devildom is dark 24/7 perhaps you needed some Vitamin D to lift you up again
While in the human world, he takes you to all your favorite places in hopes that it will make you happy again
Words of affirmation are a huge deal for Simeon, so he’s always telling you how amazing and brilliant you are in all aspects of your life
He’s a great listener and as a celestial being, he’d probably give you the best advice in return for any of the struggles you express to him
Picnics are his favorite thing to do with you, especially in the human world; he’d prepare all the food and desserts with Luke’s help and pamper you to a relaxing day by the water
Simeon is always concerned for your well being, so he frequently checks in on you and brings you small things throughout the week to try and lighten your mood
Beelzebub:
Of course as soon as Beel notices your change in demeanor he assumes it’s because you aren’t eating well, or not eating enough
So his instinct is to attempt to cook for you to get those well needed nutrients back into your body
This of course fails and he ends up eating half the plate before it even reaches you (that’s still impressive) so he decides to just take you out to eat instead and pays for everything
Aside from feeding you, Beel gets a little clingy
He’d hold you close and steals you away to his and Belphie’s room, shooing everyone away except his twin of course, but he hogs you all to himself for a few hours, only leaving for food and bathroom breaks
You’re forced to relax with him and he reassures you that he’ll take care of any other responsibilities you have for the day
Probably starts talking about random things to make you laugh or distract your mind from anything unwanted that may still be lingering
He’s just a big cuddly teddy bear who wants to make sure you’re well taken care of, both physically and mentally
REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D
Posted: 12/11/2023
#obey me x reader#diavolo x reader#barbatos x reader#om x reader#beelzebub x reader#simeon x reader#obey me x mc#obey me x you#obey me x y/n#om x mc#diavolo x mc#barbatos x mc#beelzebub x mc#simeon x mc#obey me headcanons#obey me comfort#om headcanons#diavolo x you#barbatos x you#simeon x you#beelzebub x you
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Hello...I wanted to make a request that I don't know if it's something personal and I understand that you don't want to do it...but you could do a mr puzzle x helping a reader who suffers from hypersexuality... I will understand that if it may seem uncomfortable to you I won't force you to do it, I just want to feel comfortable with my favorite character
Of course, I am sorry if I do this wrong. I have never written hypersexuality before, so forgive me if I do this wrong.
Tw: Mildly sexual content. Implied SA.
You were walking to your dressing room when Mr. Puzzles went up to you, he put a hand on your shoulder and gave you a warm smile, he asked if you could see him in his office later today, he wanted to talk about something. You blushed and nodded, you have always liked Mr. Puzzles, you found him charming and quite the lovely person to be around, and he was very attractive for a man with a TV for a head, then your mind began to wander and you thought about the two of you together, in your bed hugging and kissing each other, and you two taking your clothes off.... You were doing that again. Thinking sexually about someone or wanting to do sexual things with someone. You felt disgusted with yourself, and thought that Mr. Puzzles wouldn't like that either. He'd probably tell you to piss off, like everyone else you had sexual encounters with. You followed him into his office and sat down in front of him, he offered you a cigarette, you declined. You were never one for smoking, your ex did though, and he was the one who hurt you. Made you do awful things with him. Harmed you in bed. You felt so gross for doing, and even more disgusted with yourself when you actually sorta liked it. He shrugged and blew some smoke, he seemed tense. "I'm going to get real with you, Y/N. I am not very happy with ratings. I am working so hard and yet I'm not getting good results. And production is going up in flames. Ugh..." Mr. Puzzles smoked some more, he was stressed, you had an idea on how to release it though. You got up from your chair and sat on his lap, he started blush and stare at you in surprise, you began to praise him for his good work and rubbed your hands on his chest.
Mr. Puzzles was touched by this, his face was beet red and he was starting to like it. But he see that you weren't doing this out of your own volition, he could tell that you weren't happy about this. He grabbed your wrists and put them away, you were afraid now, you didn't know what came over you, you expected him to get mad at you or throw you off of him or hit you. He didn't though, he picked up you and set you down on your feet. He sighed and kneeled down to your level, you began to tear up and look away from his gaze. He had seen this kind of behavior before, in television and in his actors. He gave you a very big hug, you started to cry and hugged him back. Those thoughts in your head were killing you. 'Your disgusting', 'nobody will love you if you keep doing that', 'your just like your ex, only worse'. You've heard these words before, but still, it kept repeating in your head multiple times. You were sobbing into Puzzle's shoulder, leaving a wet spot of where your tears went. Mr. Puzzles pulled away from the hug, ye was smiling at you, and he was patting you in the back.
"Mi amor, I know that you are hurting, but this isn't the right way to go. You don't have to give yourself to me so that I could feel better. I am not mad, but we need to work on your issues." You nodded, wiping away some tears with your sleeves. Mr. Puzzles grabbed a box of tissues and handed some to you, you blew your nose and threw it away. He stood up and held out his hand. "How about this? We'll both talk about safe outlets for your behavior, that way you won't get hurt by anyone. And then afterwards, we can go to dinner. How does that sound?" Mr. Puzzles asked. You smiled and nodded, you clearly needed to work through your issues, a nice talk and maybe even a therapist will help. You took his hand and you both walked out of his office, you felt relieved in a way. He did not judge you, and he even offered to help you, many would've just left you immediately. Your love for him deepened, and his love for you has not changed, you were still his little star.
(Again, I am sorry if I did this wrong. I hope this brings comfort to you, my friend.)
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[unethical relationship] ateez yunho P A R T O N E
warnings: therapist!reader, sexaddict!yunho (?), oral (m & f), unprotected sex (do i even have to say it?), dirty talking, uses of: [slut, baby], yh being bossy, hair pulling (f recieving), mouth fucking, over a desk, yh getting turned on by the thought of reader not being on the pill, creampie, fingering, sex tape, cum eating and then they kiss so they share it, riding, spanking, belly bulge, choking
A/N: I'm going to say this ONCE. I don't care if "that's not how therapy sessions works", I don't care if you are/were a therapist and are bothered by the uncountable mistakes this fic has. If there is at least one thing in this fic that bothers you, it's your choice to keep reading or not, but if you keep doing it and then feel the need to go to my ask box to tell me all the mistakes I made I'm telling you right now those asks will be deleted. Some of the mistakes here are intentional to emphasize that THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. You're not forced to read it if you're not comfortable.
Also, I'm sorry for the multiple "the receptionist", I didn't really think of a proper name for that character, I'll see if I can change it in the future
words: 5.1K
P A R T T W O
2nd Session
The receptionist received Yunho with a sweet smile, just like last week, and told him to wait a couple of minutes for you to arrive. Yunho sat down and studied the place once again. This time his appointment was at midday, he didn't receive much explanation, just that another doctor uses your office some days. There were another three patients waiting, all of them looking close to his age.
— You're new here, aren't you? — A female voice got Yunho's attention.
— Uh, yeah, today is my second session. — The girl sat next to Yunho.
— Let me guess, Dr. Lee it's your therapist. — Yunho nodded. — I've come enough time to know why she took your case.
— It's just anxiety. — Yunho tried to dismiss the conversation, but the girl continued.
— Yeah, anxiety causes it. Don't worry, I won't tell your secret. — The front door opened, sending a wave of relief to Yunho when he saw it was you.
— Well, nice to meet you. — Yunho gave back his attention to the girl, but she was already walking to the other side of the reception.
After five minutes, the receptionist called Yunho to go to your office.
You seemed tired and even upset, but Yunho was too scared to ask, it wasn't his business.
— Take a seat, Yunho. — You said, noticing he didn't move from the door. He just nodded and quickly sat down on the blue couch. — You had breakfast? Can I offer you something?
— I'm fine, my roommates didn't let me leave the apartment without eating.
— Perfect — You grabbed your notebook and glasses and sighed. — Tell me about your week.
Yunho swallowed and took a deep breath. — I only got recommendations for better hygiene, fortunately I'm clean. — You nodded, but kept a straight face, making Yunho feel nervous again. — I also got condoms, the doctor was really generous.
— I was expecting that. — The smile you tried to give him was awkward and forced. — How many times did you have sex?
— U-uh twice, w-with the same person. — Yunho cleared his throat.
— You used condoms, right? — Yunho nodded. — Was this person someone new or...?
— No, is... the girl of the other week.
— Is she still a... "booty call"? — You carefully asked.
— I think so... — You leaned your head to the side, waiting for him to continue. — I'm physically attracted to her, that's for sure, but I don't want to think about anything romantic while I'm in the process of... healing?
— Well, that's perfect, Yunho. — Your wide eyes made Yunho giggle. — So, you said just two times, is there any difference now that you use protection?
— The first time, yes, that's why we tried it a second time. I don't know if I liked it, but it wasn't bad, I guess I just have to get used to it.
— How about watching porn? You still did it?
And that's the question he was scared to get. — I... I've been distracted lately, I didn't watch one full video. — And it wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the complete truth, and you could realize.
— Yunho, I know getting therapy for this can be considered weird, but you're progressing rapidly, — You got up and walked to Yunho, not helping him at all. — if you're as open with me as you've been, then I can help and maybe in a few weeks you won't have to come anymore.
And Yunho didn't like the sound of that. — I... I was looking for a specific thing in those videos, but I didn't find it.
— Well, I'm sure that's progress, not saying you should stop watching, but if you feel like it doesn't satisfy you anymore, then we're getting somewhere. — You sat down on one of the chairs in front of your desk, you weren't exactly close to Yunho, but he could feel the closeness. — Can I ask what exactly you're looking for? — Yunho's eyes opened wide, scaring you a little. — Ok, you don't have to tell me, I do consider we should have some secrets between us, as long as we don't affect your progress.
You went back to your chair behind your desk while Yunho tried to catch his breath. — I'm just looking for the female actress to look a certain way. — "What are you doing? She will ask!" That voice again.
— That's completely normal. — You paused and started to tie your hair. — Now, do you masturbate?
— Yeah, I'm not proud to admit I did it every time I wanted to have sex.
— Oh, that's fine, you still went to run, right?
— Yep, not at 4am, but I guess it's part of my progress. — Yunho scratched his head.
— Now, let's talk about your usual routine. I know you said you get anxious if you don't run after sex, but did you do it in those two times you had sex with this girl?
— Only the second time, the first time I was too distracted, none of us... finished.
— Before meeting with her, what did you do? — And for the first time in maybe 20 minutes, you started to write.
— I went to work, mostly I work from home, but Fridays are busy days, sometimes I have to go to meetings and do paperwork.
— Do you consider work stressful or a way to clear your mind?
— Both. If I didn't get to have sex I would lock myself in my room and only go out to the bathroom and eat. And if I had too much work and need to get some... relief, I would see who I can call.
— So this week you mostly were locked in your room?
— You could say that.
You got up again, rounded your desk and sat on the edge. Yunho studied your outfit; some tight black dress pants, light blue shirt with two buttons open, a silver necklace and black high heels, and if he remembered correctly, your blazer was also black.
— I'm sorry, but I have to ask; why were you so distracted? I don't want to think therapy is the reason, but...
Yunho interrupted you before you could finish your sentence. — No, it's not... therapy.
— Then, what is... — Her phone interrupted, making her roll her eyes. — I'm sorry. — She aggressively grabbed her phone and entered the room she did last week. But that was useless, Yunho could hear the conversation.
"I told you I was working, don't fucking call me" "Good, it only took you two months and some balls to finally leave" "I don't care what you take, I want you out of my house now" "Do you think I fucking care? You cheated on me, own it and disappear"
Yunho was debating whether to leave and come back next week or stay there and pretend he didn't hear anything.
"You know what, how about you call that bitch and ask her to give you a ride since she likes those a lot" Yunho couldn't stop the chuckle. "Yeah, I want to see if any of them answer the phone. Those are my friends, let me remind you" "Just fuck off, and if I see you close to my property when I'm back I'll call the police" And all went silent, but you stayed there. It wasn't until Yunho heard you sobbing when he got up and knocked on the door.
— Dr. Lee? Is... everything ok? — He heard you trying to clear your throat.
— Give me two minutes, Yun. — Yunho felt shivers down his spine.
— Those answers were pretty badass if you ask me. — You laughed, opening the door. Weren't you crying? You seemed like nothing happened.
— I think we should continue this next week, that was really unprofessional of me. — You wanted to walk, but Yunho's body kept you inside the small bathroom.
— I think you need someone to talk to. — Yunho's voice was soft, and now it was your turn to feel shivers.
— I have friends for that, thanks, Yunho.
— I mean, I still have, what? 20 minutes more? I think we can work that out. I'll pretend I didn't hear your badass conversation with that asshole. — You laughed again, Yunho smiled at that sound.
Both of you went back to your seats and continued with the session. — Oh, I gave you a book of activities, have you done something?
— Yeah, I hid that from my roommates and forgot about it.
— Well, now you have homework. I want at least three pages of that book done for next week.
— Yes, ma'am.
Yunho arrived at his apartment, remembering it was empty. Seonghwa was on a double shift and would come back until midnight and Mingi said he would be back until 9pm, so the apartment was for him until then.
Yunho sat down on his bed when he suddenly remembered the book. "I want at least three pages" he smiled at the memory of your voice. God, he didn't like the effect you had on him, you were his therapist. "you pay her to care about you, big boy, relax" the voice in his head streak again, making him feel like shit.
When he finally found the book, he began to read it, math problems, riddles, etc., what actually called his attention was that the book had your name in the back "[Y/N] Lee". The book was yours? Why did you give him a book you use? She mentioned something about kids not doing their homework, maybe she was also a babysitter? "Or she has kids" Yeah, definitely he didn't need that image of you. Wait, she had an argument with someone over the phone, something about him cheating on her. What if she did have kids and now she will be a single mom and also a therapist... When Yunho realized, he was standing up and squeezing the book in his hand. "Ok, I think that's too much, big boy, sit down", this time he did listen to the voice.
It was until 5pm that Yunho felt hungry, so he closed the book and grabbed money to go buy something. He didn't even know what he wanted until he arrived at a convenience store where he just took his usuals and paid. His diet was the only thing he didn't change, but it wasn't like he had the energy to cook.
— Yunho! — A familiar female voice called from afar. Sohee, his infamous booty call. — Why haven't you answered my messages? — She said as she got close to him.
That's where Yunho remembered he didn't grab his phone before leaving his apartment. — Uh, I've been busy.
— Are you sure it has nothing to do with what happened? — Sohee fixed her hair. — I know it was kinda embarrassing, but it happens to a lot of people.
— I've been busy, So, I haven't had the time to think about... that. — "Wow, that was rough"
— Oh, it's just... I thought we could maybe try it again? — And Yunho was about to tell her he was still busy, but all the thoughts he had earlier went back to his head.
— Fine, but I have to eat something first, I'm really hungry. — Sohee laughed and followed Yunho to his apartment.
Moaning and body slaps were the only thing you could hear when you entered that apartment. Her face was squeezed against Yunho's bed as a way to keep it a little bit down, but Yunho couldn't control his growls and moans. Yeah, he definitely needed this, it wasn't awkward anymore, the feeling of the condom was more than familiar now. It was their 3rd round now and Yunho successfully kept you out of his mind for a few hours, until the memory of your outfit, that conversation with your ex, your laugh, god why was it so hard?
And then, Sohee's moans weren't hers, Yunho only could see half her face, but he was sure it wasn't her face anymore. It was you he was fucking. He instantly started to thrust harder, making Sohee moan louder and try to completely hide his face, but Yunho grabbed her hair, pulling it hard enough for her back to touch his chest. This was new and Sohee wasn't complaining.
— Wow. — Sohee said when both of them cum. — That was... different.
Yunho was trying to clear his mind, now he was seeing things. — I didn't hurt you, right?
— Oh, babe, I hope you keep doing it, that was so hot. — Yunho chuckled. Keep doing it... But would he still think about you while doing it?
It was almost 4am and Yunho couldn't sleep. His mind kept repeating the images of you in his bed. No, that wasn't you, that was Sohee. God, but it wasn't her body. It was yours. It was your face. He could still hear you moaning in his ears.
His hand traveled down his bulge and shamelessly started to stroke it over his boxers by the thought of you riding him. God, you would look like a goddess bouncing on his cock. Now it was you, sucking hard, letting him guide your head, pulling your hair, moaning around him, swallowing every drop he gives you. He would return the favor, making you ride his face until you couldn't take it. Then, he would fuck you so hard not a single coherent word would come out of your mouth. Fuck, just the thought of cumming inside you made him actually cum. He looked at his boxers, he had to change now.
When Yunho's breath went back to normal, he remembered, he didn't run.
3rd Session
— Glad to see you again. — The girl from the other week sat down next to Yunho again. — I'm Ryujin, by the way. Sorry for not introducing myself last week.
— Oh, don't worry. I'm Yunho.
Ryujin was about to say something when the receptionist called her. — Well, I guess I'll see you next week. Bye, Yunho.
Yunho waved back at her and waited for his turn to be called. "You have to tell her, big boy, the best for you is to change therapists" The voice said. Since when was it the voice of reason?
— Yunho, Dr. Lee is ready to see you. — Yunho nodded and cleaned the sweat of his hands on his jeans.
— Come in, Yunho. — You said when you saw his head slightly peeked in from the door. Yunho closed the door behind him and slowly walked to the blue couch. — Ok, tell me about...
— I had sex with Sohee the whole week. Multiple times. — Yunho said in a hurry, surprising you. "good job, big boy, you scared her"
— Sohee is... the booty call. — Yunho nodded. — At least you used condoms?
— Every time, and it didn't feel uncomfortable anymore. It felt good even.
— Well, that's good, totally a process, but I'm confused, what was the urge to tell me? — You crossed your arms and leaned on your desk.
— Because every time I fucked her I thought about another girl. — "smooth"
— Oh, did you tell her? — You got up and walked to Yunho. He freezed for a moment when you sat down next to him.
— I didn't know how to. We both enjoyed it. I didn't know I could last more than two rounds until now. — Yunho looked at the floor, he was now oversharing.
— And don't you think you could enjoy it more if you were honest with her?
— No. — Yunho cleared his throat and looked at you. — It's like I need the image of this girl in my mind to enjoy it.
You were even confused. — The image? Is this girl real?
— She is. — Yunho studied your face. You were frowning and noticed the quick look he gave to your lips. — I know it's fucked up and Sohee don't deserve it, but when I tried to not think about this girl, my dick would go immediately soft. — "too much information"
— And the reason you kept trying it with Sohee was because you are familiar to her touch or because it was easy for you? — This wasn't the first time you heard something like this.
— A little bit of both. — He covered his face with his hands. — God, I'm pathetic.
— You're not pathetic, Yunho. It's completely normal. A lot of people think about their celebrity crush when they have sex.
— This is not about a celebrity crush, Dr. — When Yunho looked at you again. All the thoughts he had while masturbating came back.
— I still think you should talk with Sohee, it's... unfair. — You were personally speaking, this conversation reminding you about your now ex boyfriend fucking his bother's friend in your bed when he thought you would be back late.
— I'll do it, I just need to think carefully about what I will say. — His voice took you out of your mind.
— Is there anything else you are so desperate to tell me?
— After the first day, at night, I masturbated at the thought of her. All the things I want to do to her and with her. I thought it was because I didn't go to run, but I had the same thoughts the next few days.
— And why don't you talk to her? See if she's also interested.
— I can't, I don't think she's interested.
— How do you know? Have you told her?
— She... — "she is in front of us pretending she doesn't know you're talking about her" There is no way, — She's engaged.
You took a deep breath and nodded. — Are you sure you're telling me the truth? — "told ya'"
— I am.
You nodded again and went back to your desk. — What about your diet?
— I'm too lazy to cook.
— You need good nutrition. Believe it or not, what we eat also affects our sexual lives. You might be lacking some things for you not being able to focus on other things than this girl while having such an intimate moment with another girl. — Yunho threw his body to the side and laid down on the couch. — Did you do your homework?
Fuck, he forgot the book.
{-----}
— Fuck, Yunho, wait. — Sohee said, stopping herself from bouncing over him.
— What? Did I hurt you? — Yunho said out of breath.
— No, it's just... What are we? — Sohee brushed Yunho's sweaty hair out of his face.
— Sohee, my dick is hard inside you, let me cum first and then we'll talk, yeah? — Yunho gave Sohee a quick perk and kissed her neck, making her whimper. — Please, baby, I need to cum so bad, I know you need it too. — Slowly, Sohee rotated her hips, making Yunho bite his lip. — That's right, baby, do it faster, god, squeez me a little.
— I want to be your girlfriend. — Sohee said in a moan, throwing her head back.
Yunho didn't answer, he didn't want to. He rolled their bodies and kept thrusting hard. When he looked at Sohee's face, it was yours there.
— Yunho. — God it was also your voice.
— I know you're close, baby, come on, cum around me. — Yunho played with her clit, making her squeeze his dick harder.
Sohee cummed and kept moaning while waiting for Yunho to also cum. He looked desperate, his hips moving fast and hard. Once he cum, he pulled out and laid down beside her. He smiled when her lips went to his neck and felt her hand taking out the used condom.
— I don't think I can cum one more time. — Yunho said, buckling up his hip when Sohee's hand started to stroke his dick.
— Let's find out. — Sohee went down on him and immediately took him in his mouth, making him growl.
— Fuck, [Y/N], like that... — "and the inevitable, happened"
Sohee raised her head so fast her neck almost cracked. — Who's [Y/N]?
Yunho's eyes opened wide, what did he do? He looked at Sohee and her eyes were teary and red. — Fuck, sorry, Sohee, I...
— I know I don't have any right to be jealous, but who's that? — Sohee dried one tear and waited for Yunho to answer, which he didn't. — I told you I wanted to be your girlfriend, I know I should've waited, but I thought we were going somewhere after two weeks of you calling me every day.
— Sohee, I'm sorry, I don't think we should be together. — Yunho grabbed his boxer and only covered his erection. "How's that thing still hard?"
— Oh, so we should still fuck every day while you think about another woman? Fuck you. — Sohee started to get dressed while trying to fight her tears. — Please, don't call me again.
Yunho watched Sohee leave her room and just seconds later the door slammed.
Seonghwa peeked his head, not caring Yunho was practically naked.. — What happened?
Yunho shook his head and laid down. — Lock the door, please. — And once Seonghwa left, Yunho threw his boxer to the side and stroked his cock.
Your lips were on his neck, you were bouncing on him with his help, you nails leaving marks down his back. He needed you. God, he can't believe he was going to do this. He grabbed a pillow from the floor and positioned himself over it. He didn't need much motivation to think it was you. That he was over you. He started to thrust and imagine your moans. He would choke you, kiss you, pull your hair. He didn't last long. When he opened his eyes he saw his pillow covered in cum. He would make you clean it.
Yunho walked fast through the dark parking lot until he arrived at the consultory. The receptionist was confused when he saw him opening the door.
— Yunho, your appointment is tomorrow.
— I know, I came to cancel it.
— I know it's not my business, sweetheart, but [Y/N] have told me you're improving. Why? Or is it temporal?
Yunho took a deep breath and bit his lip. — I don't know, but I guess you won't see me for a while... — "or ever".
— It's ok, don't feel pressure to come, but anything you need, I'll be here. — Yunho smiled and nodded. The receptionist typed on his keyboard. — It's done, tomorrow morning you'll have your refund. Is there anything else I can do for you?
— Tell Dr. Lee I'm sorry. — And just when he finished the sentence, your door opened. You had your things and were locking the door.
You looked up and frowned. — Yunho?
Yunho left the place, leaving you confused. You looked at the receptionist, expecting an explanation.
— He canceled his appointment and said he won't be back for a while.
— Did he tell you anything else?
— Just that. I think you can still talk to him, he's in his car. — The receptionist turned her screen and showed you the security footage. — I promise I won't tell you had interaction with one of your patients outside your office. I mean, technically he isn't your patient anymore.
You chuckled and walked in the same direction Yunho left. There were only three cars. Yours, Yunho's and the receptionist's. You got close to Yunho's car and knocked his window, making him jump. He rolled down the window.
— Do you want to talk about it? — You asked, respecting his space.
— I have friends for that. — Yunho didn't look at you.
— I bet, but you still came to cancel your appointment when you could just make a call.
— If you think I came to see you, I didn't even know you were still here. — His knuckles were white for the way he was squeezing the wheel.
— You still had at least 3 minutes to start your car and leave, but you stayed.
— Just leave me alone, you don't have to worry about me, you're not my therapist anymore.
— Well, then I came to check on you as a friend.
— We're not friends, [Y/N], just leave. — You felt a wave of shivers all over your body when he said your name.
You nodded and left. As you walked to your car, you waved at the receptionist before she left. You took out your car keys and were about to open the door when a body slightly pressed you against it. You could see his chest behind you in the reflection of your window.
— You decided you wanted to talk? — You pushed his body back with the door, throwing your stuff inside and closing the door. You faced him and immediately felt small in front of him.
— I said your name. — You tried to not show any reaction at his confession. He leaned down to face you. — I fucking said your name when Sohee was sucking my cock, [Y/N], do you know what is that?
— That's not my fault, Yunho. — You weren't supposed to feel affected by such vulgar words.
— That's the worst part, it's all my fault. — His hands caged you and his face got closer, you had to push him away, but you couldn't. — I'm the one that put your beautiful face in my mind so I could cum every time I got my dick in another girl. Fuck, I swear I felt your lips around me. — Yunho pushed himself away from you.
— You just had to ask for a different doctor, not cancel your appointment, you were improving.
— We both know that's not true. For two weeks I've been fantasizing about you being under me, that's not improving. — Yunho got close again.
— Come back tomorrow, I'll recommend you to a good doctor.
— I don't want another doctor, [Y/N], I want you! — Yunho grabbed your face, making you hold on to his arms. — Yeah, my friends are the best, they got me therapy because I couldn't go a day without putting my dick in someone's hole, but you, baby, you are the only person in my life that doesn't make me feel like shit for it.
— That's... That's my job, Yunho.
— And I want you to keep doing it, but I can't be in the same place as you, you're ruining my sex life. My best way to keep you out of my mind is being mad at you for ruining me. — "I'm siding with you in this one, big boy"
— Yun, I need you to let me go. — That nickname again, it was like a slap to reality.
He freed your face and got away as if you burnt his hands. — I'm sorry... I... I'm really sorry. — Yunho went back to his car and left, leaving you breathless.
{-----}
Yunho was alone against the wall watching his friends flirt with some girls. He deserved this, after all the times he left his friends alone to go to fuck.
— Well, such a beautiful face shouldn't be alone. — A girl hugged Yunho from the neck.
Yunho felt his dick twitch. Yeah, this is what he needed. — You should make me some company, then. — He shamelessly grabbed the girl's butt, making her bite her lip.
— I can make you do other things too, handsome.
— Yeah? And what are you waiting for? — Yunho didn't wait for an answer, he kissed the girl while she palmed his dick over his jeans. The girl was already tall and also wearing heels, so it wasn't uncomfortable for Yunho to kiss her.
— I would love you to fuck me right here, but the owner of this club already have me on sight, but I know a place. — Yunho let her guide him to the girls bathroom. And as if it was common, the girls there didn't care when they entered while making out.
Yunho carried the girl to help her get in the sink. The three girls that were there slowly left the room.
While the girl opened his jeans and stroked him over his boxer, Yunho railed up her dress, brushing her wet pussy with his fingers. With his free hand, he looked for the condom and when he was about to open it, the girl took it and got down from the sink. Yunho gave her space to pull down his jeans and boxers and roll up the condom. She turned around and pulled up her dress more, bending over the sink. Yunho rammed against her, pulling her hair and kissing her.
The door opened after a few minutes, Seonghwa almost wanting to punch Yunho in the face. — Yunho.
Yunho looked at his friend through the mirror without stopping his actions. — What? You want to join us?
— Mingi feels sick, he wants to go home.
— He will go in a few, handsome. — The girl said, pulling Yunho's face to kiss him again. Seonghwa rolled his eyes before leaving.
The girl massaged her clit and squeezed her cunt around Yunho making him moan, but he didn't cum, only her.
— I think I owe you an orgasm. — The girl said, fixing her dress.
Yunho took out his phone and gave it to the girl. — So I will make sure you keep your promise. — The girl smiled and saved her number, giving the phone back to Yunho. — I'll message you tomo... Wait, what?! — Yunho said out loud when he read Ryujin's name on his phone. When he looked around, Ryujin was already leaving the bathroom. Yunho needed a moment.
— Why does it look like you saw a ghost? — Seonghwa asked when Yunho sat in the passenger seat, Mingi was already sleeping in the back.
— What the fuck was that in the bathroom?
— You fucked Sohee earlier today, Yun, and I don't know what happened between you two, but I know that whatever happened made you fucked that stranger.
— She's not a stranger, I met her in therapy. — Yunho said, trying to ignore the way Seonghwa called him.
— That's not better, Yunho. I thought you were improving, at least you frequented Sohee.
— Can you stop talking about her? I fucked up. — Yunho looked at him upset.
— Oh, believe me, that slam on the door was more than enough for me to know you fucked up, but how? How you ruin two weeks of having constant sex with a girl that’s obviously romantically interested in you?
— Because I said the name of another girl while she was sucking my dick! How many times do I have to tell this fucking story?! — Yunho yelled, making Mingi whine in his sleep.
— Times? It's the first time I've asked about it. — Seonghwa looked at Yunho, waiting for an answer he didn't get. — We're your friends, Yun, why are you hiding stuff from us?
— Just drive, I have therapy tomorrow morning. — Yunho lied.
— It's freaking 4 in the morning, dude. — Seonghwa said under his breath, but Yunho ignored him.
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Hello! I'm requesting from your halloween prompt, will you write something where timmy is the sleep paralysis demon and he's some kind of succubus (do you write dubcon/noncon? Bc if you do, it can go there but if you dont, totally fine)
This request couldve been worded better sorry 😫😂
Hope you enjoy!
Live Deliciously
Warnings: sleep paralysis, demons, sexual content while sleeping, movie quotes, not proof read
Sleep was off the table.
You’d given up on it completely.
Ever since the accident…things had been visiting you while you slept.
Your boss noticed your lack of sleep as your head pressed against the keyboard of your laptop. He enforced a two week long leave of absence, unpaid of course, no one cares if you live or die in this world, why the fuck would they pay you? Assholes.
HR handed you pamphlets for therapists and other resources on your way out.
“These may help.” She offered and encouraging smile that you’d usually return.
“I’m just tired, not fucking crazy, Nancy,” you mumbled.
The pamphlets sit on your coffee table.
You grab one, knocking a series of empty energy drink cans on the floor, not caring that one starts to leak out on the beige colored carpet that used to be much cleaner and brighter than it is now.
You could call the numbers listed on the inside of its pages, but the only thing they’d do is offer you sleeping pills and maybe some grippy socks and a padded room.
No fuckin thanks. Plus, sleep is exactly what you’re trying to avoid right now.
You flip on the TV. There’s nothing on, so you groan in both annoyance and exhaustion. You haven’t laid on your bed in three weeks, and you yearn to feel the comfort of your down filled pillows and silky sheets. Temptation becoming way too strong, you leave your shitty, uncomfortable futon and make your way to your bed.
Your room is cold, just the way you like it. You contemplate turning off the fan and turning the heat up a tad, just to keep you from falling asleep, but that would take away from the comfort factor, right? So you don’t. You pad your way to your bed, in all its unmade glory and climb in.
“Just gonna lay down for a few minutes. No sleep,” you warn yourself. “No sleep. Bad things come when I sleep.”
Your body betrays you as your eyelids grow too heavy to keep open. Your mind betrays you as it envelops you in a dream too delightful to keep yourself from.
You sleep.
You dream, and strangely enough…you feel. This dream feels great. There’s no images, or sounds. Just pure and overwhelming feeling.
This dream feels wet.
This dream feels like strong, long fingered hands pulling your thighs apart, leaving finger tipped shaped bruises on your skin.
This dream feels real.
Your eyes shoot open, and the feeling is still there. The feeling of hands on your thighs. You feel warm and wet between your thighs.
You can’t move.
It’s happening again. Your eyes, the only thing not paralyzed, sweep back and forth rapidly, matching your erratic breathing as you look for the demon. You can’t see one.
“Rest,” a sultry male voice whispers. “So I can continue to live deliciously.”
Paralyzed, you lay there chest and stomach moving rapidly as your breathing picks back up. A massive hand reaches from between your legs and presses on your stomach.
“Shhh, shhh,” the voice soothes. His breath is caressing your pussy. That’s when you realize you’re naked.
You’re unsure if this demon has a face, all you can see is his hand on your belly. You can hear his voice and feel his breath. Then his head pops up and he crawls over your body.
This demon. He is different.
He doesn’t look like the others. He looks…strangely human. Your legs are spread open and his knee pushes against your hot, wet center as he silently and almost predatorily studies you and you study him
His hair is wild with jet black curls spiraling in various directions. His hands are massive and elegant with rings on every other finger. They glisten and sparkle in the moonlight. He is skin is beautifully pale, like the purest color of ivory.
Your eyes travel down then back up and you’re startled when he’s smiling at you. A few of his teeth are sharper than a normal humans. If you could move you’d touch them.
Your demon dips his head low, nuzzling your neck before he breathes softly into your ear. Your hear him open his mouth, the movement of his wet tongue as he speaks familiar words.
“Wouldst thou like to live,” a low, ravenous growl sounds from deep within his chest before he continues. “Deliciously.”
Your breath shudders. The way he says his words is tantalizing, and enough to make you give in to anything.
You nod, vigorously, eliciting a dark chuckle from him. He licks his way down your body, taking the time to wrap his tongue around both of your nipples. Further and further down he travels until his tongue licks through the folds of your pussy. You moan and its louder than any sound you’d normally make. You silently blame it on the fact that you cannot move your body in any way.
“Too long you have been away and I have been waiting eagerly for your arrival.” He laps at your juices. “Why?” He says in between licks.
“Wh-what?” It comes out in a gravely rasp.
“Why?” He’s stopped licking you and his grip on your thighs is strong, but he sounds insidiously amused.
“I was scared.”
“Mmm,” your demon hums. Dipping his head back in between your legs. He works your clit with his tongue, then drags it down to your hole, collections your wetness and mixing it with his saliva before dancing it back to your clit. He’s brought you dangerously close to your orgasm, you can feel it building in your belly when he stops. “Fear,” he says, stopping to suck your clit into his mouth. If orgasms were a tangible thing, you’d be able to reach a hand out and touch it. “Fear is my food. My sustenance. But do not fear, my darling.” He fingers your clit in small, delicate circles as he talks and as it pulsates underneath it, he replaces his finger with his tongue, flicking, sucking, kissing until you come undone. He drinks you in, lapping up all of your essence and continues his sentence. “For it has always been me.”
Then he’s gone and you sit up right in your bed, naked, sweaty and panting.
It wasn’t real. It had to be a dream.
But as you look down and see finger print shaped bruises on your thighs and nail marks embedded into your skin, you decide that after weeks of avoiding it, sleep is your new mission.
Tags: @imnotoverlyobsessive @dayafied @soulofendlessbook @fashphotolife @chicchanelcigs @scentedkittenperfection @weasleytwinscumslut @timotheel0ver @mxciscastleintheair @marvelmaniac2000 @lovelyrocker @divine-1 @louievr @love-poems-only @starberry-cake @inlovewithphantasy @alexagirlie @misswestfall @softhecreator @livresjaunes @timmymyluv @inannamoon @harrys-thick-thighs @s-we-e-t-t-ea @timolaurence @its-schmackin-dude @justagirlwhoneedshelp @gatoenlaciudad @patronsaintofthetwinks
#timothee chalamet#timothée chalamet#writing#timothee chalamet x reader#timothee chalamet x you#timothee blurb#timothee chalamet imagine#timmy chalamet#smut#dark!timothee#Halloween#Halloween special#yes I did quote the witch (movie)
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Something about him...
Inspired by "El amor de mi vida" by the Argentinian queen, Maria Becerra ft. Los Angeles Azules.
"Que yo ya estoy lista para amarte, sin olvidarme de mí"
[Translation: I'm ready to love you without forgetting about me.]
Cw: f.reader (I'm not sure about this one but I put it because he calls u "belladonna" once.) THERAPY (go see a therapist y'all, tumblr isn't free therapy.) Abusive relationship (not from Dazai obvi)
There's something about him...
That even during his gloomy days, he could light up your whole world.
When he appeared in the office suspiciously calm before flopping himself on his chair and roll with it to your desk to lean his head on your shoulder to 'recharge his batteries.'
At first, you were reluctant to his touch. Recently out of an abusive relationship has made you fear that this would end the same way, even as a friendship.
Dazai, as the perceptive detective he is, got the hint as soon as he felt you shiver when he put his hands on your shoulders and your breath hitched.
Soon enough, he started to make his way to your heart without you even noticing; brushing your hands until you intertwined your fingers with his hand, making you twirl around the office when you two were alone and making you laugh, and 'accidentally' making you bump against his chest until you started hugging him. First in secluded areas and then in front of the other members.
There's something about him...
That makes you wanna talk about it.
After years of not going, you gather up the courage to make an appointment with your long-term therapist.
She listens to you talk about how your life was during the years she missed of it.
"This Dazai you're talking about seems like a really nice guy, sweetie." She says. "Why don't you go on a date with him?"
"A-a date? I-I can't go on a date with him." You chuckle, nervously. The word 'date' makes you feel a pain in your chest.
"Oh? Why's that?" She asks as she sees you move your leg anxiously. "Does he have a girlfriend or a boyfriend?"
"No, not at all." You answer, looking down. "It's just that... I'm scared, you know? Like, my ex was also a nice guy at first and look how it ended."
"Yeah, but your ex never needed to gain your confidence." She explains. "Your ex never needed to do what Dazai's does. Sweetheart, as far as I'm aware, Dazai made everything within his power for you to be comfortable around him, giving you your space and time for you to get closer."
She's right, you think. Dazai was never obligated to do it. Atsushi and the president were the first ones to approach and you thought that they would be the only one to do so.
But then Kunikida did, and Dazai, and Ranpo, and Tanizaki, and Naomi, and Kyoka.
He never needed to do so. The whole office looked after you, but he was there at your lowest.
There's something about him...
That draws you close to him.
When your ex appeared again at your front door, he never hesitated to stay throughout the night.
"How did he even find my address? I've blocked him from everywhere, even texts!" You say as he fans you with a magazine he found nearby to try and keep you breathing in the middle of your panic attack.
"I don't know, but I can stay here if you want to." Dazai offers.
You let him and he gets himself comfortable in the sofa-bed that you have while you sleep in your bed, but something makes you want to sleep near him, feeling more than secure with him by your side.
You can't hide the blush that creeps into your cheeks when you wake up and find yourself curled into his chest and him with a wide smile, chuckling.
"Did someone miss me that much during the night, belladonna?~" He teases and you push his face playfully.
"Shut up, I was just cold." You say, getting up from the sofa to do breakfast.
For the first time in a while, breakfast was actually nice (even if it was a bit burnt).
There's something about him...
That surprises you when you say your feelings to each other.
You two were at your and basically his by how much time he spends there house, cooking together when you two suddenly say "I love you" at the same time.
He looks at you.
You look at him.
And simply laugh before you two hug tightly.
"I don't wanna push you to do this. You can take your time if you need to-" you cut him off with a kiss, giggling at his dumbfounded expression once you pull back.
"I think I'm ready... only if you want to."
The smirk on his face was everything you needed to know you'll be more than okay.
#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs x reader#bsd dazai#dazai x reader#dazai osamu#bungou stray dogs dazai#bungo stray dogs fluff
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AIB Executive Board found family HC's
shout out to @bdanp, thank you for the lovely content, I wish to add my own.
Hehehe I love the idea of these fools being a dysfunctional family unit. I literally need semi-wholesome content on the beach members because otherwise I will lose it. The AIB fandom has really brought out my drive, bc I will be the change I wish to see in the fandom space. Uh, they are dysfunctional with a capital D, so this isn't entirely wholesome, but I'm writing this, so you can't be too surprised.
Today on the board; Aguni, Kuzuryuu, Mira, and Chishiya
-Aguni, Hatter, and Kuzuryuu are the father figures to the group.
-Aguni and Hatter used to date but are still friends who maybe have lingering feelings. Who knows.
-Aguni just fucking sighs and has to drag them around when they're being stupid, especially the militants.
-Has a special soft spot for Arisu once he joins bc he's so hopeful and sweet, and he likes having a moral compass around. Arisu is also the only heart specialist who doesn't resort to murder
-He's the only one Niragi listens to, which is why he's the only diamond orientated militant.
-Hates the beach and everything it stands for, bc he knows it's a lie. He misses the Hatter before the beach ruined him, and his feelings for him are forever tainted. Tries not to make their history the beach's problem.
-Kuzuryuu didn't even realize he was a dad, he's just fucking there. He's the calm fatherly validation half the board craves, and he has 0 questions.
-He has favorites, and it's the exec's diamond trio (Ann, Chishiya, and Niragi)
-Fully supports Chishiya's tinkering hobby. Told him that if being a doctor didn't work out, then he should go into STEM.
-Finds the entire beach to be a headache, but does genuinely care for the exec members.
-Best friends with Mira, who's taken up the role as wine aunt. She's the one who convinced him to come check out the beach. They both help put the exec members into games they're good at.
-Mira interacts with everyone with a Gatekeep Gaslight Girlboss energy about her that freaks everyone else out. She's fully capable of making normal expressions, but chooses to smile her way through everything.
-Unironically plays therapist to the exec board bc she was/is a licensed psychiatrist, and they're all so mentally fucked up. She does it in the 'I can't make you better or worse, but I can figure out what's so funky about you' kinda way. She mostly does this to Niragi and Arisu, and also maybe Hatter when he's around.
-Casually threatens everyone's life subtly and offers 0 explanations. She's unironically the scariest person at the beach, bc she's so unsettling.
-enjoys girls night with Ann, Kuina, and Usagi whenever she's invited, and gets her hair braided
-She makes the most references to memes along with hatter, to the annoyance of literally everyone else.
-Chishiya stares in silent judgment whenever he has to fix up an injury, frequently pulls out the 'I'm just a med student' and 'i work with children' cards to get out of things. Makes jokes about just letting them die to scare them.
-He wears hoodies everywhere he goes bc they're his comfort clothing item and no one comments on it. Uses big medical words in casual convo to irritate the execs. Autism creature #1, I'm right.
-Hates being touched unless he initiates it or gives permission, and is very firm about this boundary. Arisu once tried to hug him and got tased. He didn't try again.
-Silent rage towards Ann for being so goddamn tall. Wears chunky sneakers to appear slightly taller (a/n no genuinely, look in the show those are 2-inch shoes)
-He sees Niragi as the worst version of himself, and it honestly freaks him out sometimes. Entirely neutral on his existence most of the time, but finds bickering with him amusing.
-Chishiya simply doesn't express himself like everyone else, but he does feel the normal range of human emotions. Mira mentioned him possibly being neurodivergent.
-Kuzuryuu is his dad and that's fine with him
Comeback next time for the rest, bc it's like 3 pages on my Google Docs, and that's too much for one post.
#alice in borderland#the executive board#Aib found family#the beach aib#aguni morizono#mira kano#kuzuryuu keiichi#chishiya shuntaro#niragi suguru#arisu ryohei#max idk if i should tag you in part 2 when i drop that#but we'll see#you may hate me for the niragi section#bc I have the most complicated relationship with that man#oh well#i leave most of this up to interpetation#like if you want a certain ship#go for it#it'll make more sense with the last 5 members#imawa no kuni no arisu#imawa no kuni no alice#misty writes
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Notice by Heather Lewis
It's funny how people find comfort and familiarity in reading what is often touted as the "most disturbing book ever written." Whether or not it really deserves that title, I'm not sure. Truth is, I'm only half way through the book myself, but it's gripped me in a way, sucked me in through the main character's incoherent and meandering way of navigating her emotional landscape. It's often not a pleasant read. Why, then? What is it about me that draws me to such a miserable, bleak story? What's so enthralling about literal trauma porn?
Perhaps, if you're anything like me, you've preferred unhappy endings since you could remember. In elementary and middler school, I hardly read the assigned books because, unconsciously then, I was frustrated with how sugar coated and sanitized they often were. I needed the pain, sex, suffering, and romance to be more intense, more true to life as I'd known it.
But life was cruel to me. It'd tossed me unmercilessly throughout my adolescence, and, having grown used to the dramatic ups and downs, the difficultly and the pain, I would in my adult life attempt to manufacture an outer world that matched the deep, darkness that existed within me. In my self hatred and nihilism, I would seek out thrills much the way our narrator in Notice did.
I was hyper-sexual, a term introduced to me by my first therapist at eighteen, when I went to rehab, and deeply masochistic, and I'd often find myself in situations wondering if I'd walk away alive. One night stands met on seedy parts of the internet; my offering myself up on a platter, they would salivate and threaten me with all I'd begged for. More than once, a partner claimed to have a knife, claimed he would stab me. It didn't happened, but it's moments like that that open your eyes to how vulnerable you really are.
Anyway, the narrator in Notice navigates all of this with a detachment. She does everything she can to not notice, to distract herself, for whatever is happening within her. Some force unnamed and unknown to the reader has compelled her into sex work, has entangled her with a murderer and his wife, who was complicit in the rape and slaying of their own daughter, has lead her to yearn for pain and suffering, has caused her to avert her eyes in moments that could yield an intimate glance. Her tone throughout the text is not one of anger or fear, it's one born out of dissociation. In one moment, she stares into the distance at an illuminated pool through the window as the murderer violently rapes his wife Ingrid. Later, after he's left and Ingrid muses about draining the pool, our narrator wonders what she'll have to look at when it inevitably happens again.
She is not trapped, though. She is a prostitute hired for the weekend, not their daughter, and has stayed beyond the expectation. Why does she stay? I believe the reasons for her staying and the enjoying of this book are rooted from the same thing. Whatever it is, the narrator has failed to articulate and the reader must deduce what it is through her cloudy and indirect recollections. It's likely much easier to understand if you have some basis of what that feels like in the real world, and perhaps that's why this book is so polarizing. Perhaps, to the people who enjoy it, it's validating at the least and perversely comforting at its best. Because if you've ever struggled to put words to your feelings, ones that felt like a death sentence, ever struggled to understand how or why you've done something abhorrent to yourself, the narrator's inexact way of relating the story speaks so clearly.
#heather lewis#notice#books#literature#notice by heather lewis#disturbing#book review#book reccs#book recommendations#currently reading#booktok#books and reading#books & libraries#bookshelf#booklr#bookblr#book tumblr#book tube
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Do you think knowing your role is really important? Like protectors are pretty clearly protectors for us but I'm just a teen alter who's sad a lot. Maybe I'm taking the labels too literally? I hold trauma memories but that's not all I do...I think maybe we were heavily misled by DID youtubers. Like our old host stressed themselves out so much when they first discovered the system because they heard that alters are trapped in trauma memories like a mind hell and also they can DIE. But I was one of the alters they were worried about and I'm not trapped.
Naaaaahhhhh. And honestly, we are very disillusioned and not a fan of DID Youtube all together really. The only one we really would recommend to any level is M&M and even then, I would say to take it with the note that they are sharing a fraction of everything and only what they are comfortable sharing publicly. Beyond that, I reallly would try to not take DID Youtube too seriously or really as anything too particularly informational.
Specifically also, don't fuck around with DissociaDID shit, we won't go into our detailed opinions on them, but they're arguably the worst in terms of both active message and information and the passive subcontext and lessons they share on there. I am personally of the believe that in most cases DissociaDID's video sets people up for failure if used for anything more than just a "heres the very very basics of how things kinda tend to be like sometimes" and/or an introduction to the chaotic mess. I say this as an ex-fan.
But DID Youtube aside, nah, I don't really think roles are all too important at all and honestly I heavily promote making up your own ones. The label of roles - especially the official ones - should serve more to communicate to therapists and outsiders (of the system) key dynamics and ways of existing of some parts to others. I find that using your own words and labels to describe your system helps create a more catered perspective to approaching how your system works.
The general paradigm of "protector" "trauma holder" "persecutor" "gatekeeper" stuff works very well as a template for understanding alter dynamics and so it works for a lot of people starting up good enough, but I feel as you go further into recovery, you benefit more from having custom and curated terms that apply more specifically to your system and those roles are better used for internal purposes.
And even then, its perfectly fine to not have a role cause existing (DID or not) is not about having a specific duty or role to fit into, it is and should be solely to just live and enjoy things. Getting too bogged down in what part is doing what for what reason tends to keep parts from actually just existing beyond the chaos of their disorder - which is something XIV had taught us cause we used to be pretty heavy with roles in the past. You exist and that should come first before trying to fit you into a box or into the machine because you existing is more important that what you have to offer.
Lin is in a similar situation to you from the little I know - a teen alter that is a trauma holder that does more than just hold trauma but nothing too drastically large - and thats super fine and cool. He's not doing anything, he is just living and learning to live and thats all we expect from him. We're happy when we see him happy and we don't really care what he is supposed to be doing or what role he plays cause man fuck that shit.
We are just here to live. It benefits none of us to be trying to focus on "work" within the system when we have a life to live.
I am of the opinion that roles help in relaxing and getting an understanding to the general idea of how DID works, but past that stage of confusion of early healing, its kinda just best to let that go and really just learn to live again.
Hyper focusing and trying to organize and understand everything in DID is honestly ruminating and fixating and staying in trauma - inherently - and will keep you regularly trying to pick apart trauma and ruminate in it - directly or not - if you are worrying too much about labels and roles and how everything works exactly. It's easier said than done and it took us years to get here, but imo the best way to live peacefully with DID is to really just let it be.
It's scary if you aren't there yet and its not something you can really rush or force, but that's my personal secret advice as someone at functional multiplicity. You don't need to understand you DID to have great peace with it, hell I'd even argue that its pointless to try to understand your DID (might not be true cause we're polyfragmented so maybe for non pf systems its less of a wild goose chase, but for us we just came to terms and accepted that this shit is nonsensical and trying to make sense out of it is more of a headache than its worth)
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That “licensed professional’s” take on Gwyn made me feel a little ick. I was expecting an objective, unbiased and professional review of the situation because they threw in their credentials but it didn’t present itself that way at all when they couldn’t even write out Gwyn’s name. I was expecting a proper case study—maybe not a full on review of the case but something a bit more “professional and objective.” Taking out Gwyn’s name showed clear bias and clearly was not from an objective standpoint at all. Again, the only reason I expected something unbiased and objective was because they waved around their credentials.
Some people need to chill. It’s fiction. Enjoy it for what it is, FICTION. That doesn’t mean you can’t apply reality to it because that’s why some things resonate so wonderfully with us but never forget that it is FICTION. Why the hell do you think there are disclaimers in fictional works of art?
The OP actually ended up commenting on the first post I wrote (the one where I debated whether I wanted to actually write my argument to their post) and I do appreciate that they showed genuine interest in why I was bothered by it. They also offered to take the post down (which was considerate of them but as it's been re-blogged, it wouldn't doing any good at this point).
They are absolutely entitled to write as many Pro E/riel and Anti Gwynriel posts as they want.
But.....I think there are some concerns with claiming that something is their professional opinion while giving a very biased opinion. At that point, someone is not really taking their medical professional as seriously as they should. Because therapists are supposed to be pretty objective and showing an obvious bias towards once ship is the farthest thing from objective. As soon as personal preference comes into play then your professional opinion should not.
I'm no medical professional but I would truly be shocked to find that anyone who was a therapist and truly objective to this series would believe that Az and Elain are ready for physical intimacy (I'm not talking about casual sex but sex out of love) when you consider the fact that he rarely sees her at dinners because he's been avoiding her, the fact that she felt the need to lie to him about giving him his gift, that her hands shake around him, he doesn’t think she has any idea who he really is, and that he hasn't thought of her beyond his sexual fantasies while assuming Gwyn who is completely comfortable around Az after only knowing him a few months and who is playful around him, indicates a less realistic possibility within a future 800 + page book.
Yes, I'm obviously Pro Elucien and Pro Gwynriel and my opinion is possibly skewed but.....the only reasons people are going to believe me is if they can see the things I'm seeing because of how I'm presenting my case. I'm no-one to anyone . But if I suddenly told you I had a Doctorate in Psychiatry then suddenly, those people are going to be blinded by my flashy degree and believe that my word holds more authority than most. It's just the way a lot of us tend to operate. And that can be sort of dangerous when claiming that a characters recovery from SA won't be very realistic if done a certain way.
There's a lot of people that claim SJM has a responsibility to get things right but she is a fantasy fiction writer and what she writes about really shouldn't be given much weight. Her purpose is to entertain us. Yes, one would hope she doesn't completely butcher a sensitive subject but I don't think she has when it comes to Gwyn, regardless of where her journey goes from here. However, a medical professional is someone we ARE supposed to believe. Which is why, when giving an opinion, it's important to leave your credentials out of it unless you can honestly say you're not showing favoritism to one side.
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I’m going to offer unsolicited advice about your osdd 1-b post so don’t read on if you don’t want that.
*･゜ﾟ･*🪻 🪶🤲🏼🫧🌦️🪷🐚🕊️🪺🌻 *･゜ﾟ･*
If your partner is faking it, it sounds like a pretty manipulative thing to do. That’s not to say that they’re a bad person or that they’re doing it on purpose.
If you do suspect you’re being gaslit/coerced focus on how it’s made you feel, and ask yourself about other times you’ve felt this way. Go through who, what, why, where, and when you’ve felt this way in the past. It puts things in perspective before you decide to take action. It’s important to forgive and work with people where they’re at in a relationship, however, you need to find a balance that’s most comfortable and optimal for you between your partners intentionally and outcomes.
I stayed in a shitty relationship for six years because my partner and I were young and figuring things out, and they (mostly) never meant to hurt me. But at the end of the day what they were doing was negatively impacting my life, even if they didn’t mean to. I had to live with the effects of their actions no matter what their intention was. And they would only change so much, and so slowly. I had to accept that this was the person I was binding my life to—not their intentions and words—and decide from there what I would do.
Best of luck and I hope this gets old to your partner soon and they go back to normal 💛 hope you have a good day and get to do something you enjoy
Oh my goodness you are so sweet, anon - this is wonderful advice (I'm gonna post this so others can see)! 🥺💛 I was actually talking about myself in this post - I have a new and "punitive" (if you will, in schema mode terms) alter that seems to be stuck in a trauma from when I was around 5yo. When I think back now and kind of assess things, I theorize that the split happened a few days ago when I accidentally (somehow; I honestly forgot) found out my boyfriend had bought me an engagement ring. We've been together for a little over 4 years and have discussed this in depth & beyond, so it wasn't an out-of-the-blue surprise to *me,* but it must have triggered something very deep that I didn't even know was festering. I've been seeing my trauma therapist for about 6 years now (it's only been 2 years since finding out about my system though), I've been on and off different meds since I was twelve (you name it, I've tried it)... and I *cannot* bridle the oppositional and antagonistic behavior of this alter even with my arsenal of coping methods/skills and personal knowledge of psychology and how childhood trauma works. My boyfriend knows very, very little - near to nothing - about OSDD/DID/MPD despite me quite literally begging him to learn at least the very basics, otherwise the disorder looks too messy, as if nothing can be done to help. I take full responsibility every time that alter says something out of line, because it's *still technically me* that said it. I don't blame my boyfriend for not knowing what to do about the behavioral pattern, either, because... how would he know? Even *I* don't know. And that breaks my heart, knowing that a part of me can just pop out and take over whenever, without my consent, and just... shatter everything Good in my life. I assume this 5yo part of me doesn't want marriage because I was left alone with strange men at that age. That's all I really need to say.
I made this post earlier out of frustration, after I switched back, because I remembered that there are people out there that *think* they want multiple personalities. Even if you don't have a "mean" alter, it isn't cool or fun or quirky or whatever it is people think. It wreaks havoc on every aspect of my life, even in tiny ways. Thank you again, anon, you're a good soul 💛🙏🏻🌱
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THE INCIDENT
Mega post below
TW//brief mention of SA, physical torture, mental anguish, and abuse
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The space coated in shades of blue, Despoina shifts on the sturdy couch, able to look out the wide window of eternal night.
Below the building, the dead roam, the subjects of Hades wander below.
Before her sits Chiron, orange shades make up her body, clipboard in hand, held snug in her hands with a pen behind the ear.
Her own was in the shape of a carrot, how silly, maybe it was fitting for a centaur.
Being part horse and all.
Despoina looked down at her hands, the thick gloves her mother gave her would definitely get in the way of signing to the centaur
If she even knows sign
"Despoina?" Looking beyond her thin veil, Despoina sighed, sitting as straight as she remembers her mother teaching her over the years.
"Would you like an ice breaker?" Chiron offered, setting the clipboard down on the glass coffee table.
Despoina nodded, feeling old scars burn as she wished to croak out words and scream out her lungs in embarrassment for not being able to talk or sign.
"Well then, I'll go first! My name is Chiron, a physician from the old world, now dead and living here in the underworld, I'm currently a therapist for immortals and the dead alike" Chiron smiled at the end of her words.
"Now you, and take your time, your mother has informed me you don't talk, and while I'm not excellent in GSL, I am good at charades! Or if you want, I can get you a pen and paper," Despoina swallowed, tugging at the heavy garments for the winter on her body.
They were new, modern even.
A thick coat for winter snow, a thick woven long sleeve shirt the color of burgundy to balance out the deep green color of the coat, lined with faux fur.
Her denim pants were tucked into boots, and while she was warm, she would rather be cold, cold and feeling the winter air of the underworld like her mother did when she was brought here.
"I…..I can talk" Despoina croaked.
Sweet titans did her voice sound raw.
It was hardly above a whisper and it sounded scratchy and felt sore, unused for decades.
"Take your time," Chiron said, offering a smile.
Despoina sucked in air, looking up at the night sky, eternal stars and beauty above, reflecting on her veil, where everything was fuzzy purple, the only thing that gave her comfort, old and hemmed with beautiful designs that were long forgotten to time.
Things only her mother would remember from long before humans.
"My…..my name is Despoina, and I….I…am…" Despoina fiddled with her gloves, twiddling her thumbs like a child.
"I am a goddess of……of…"
What was she a goddess of? Certainly not nature, that was her mother's job, and her elder sister was that of spring.
But she was…..she was everything, like beautiful Gaia, she was everything, darkness and light, nature and earth, the seasons and time.
She was powerful, she was weak, educated and no longer naive.
"I…am a goddess of mystery, I have no title, not….not…anymore" She said, flexing her throat.
Chiron slowly stood up, making sure Despoina saw every movement as she got the young goddess a glass of water, setting it before her.
Despoina drank it down, soothing her burning throat only temporarily.
"Thank…you" she croaked, touching her throat to feel it move as she spoke.
"Of course," Chiron said with a smile.
Despoina looked down at her hands again, the cool glass hardly felt through the gloves.
She felt sweaty in her clothing, but feared removing any.
"Is…there anything specific you wanted to talk about?" Chiron asked, her voice even and yet, cautious.
Despoina nodded, setting down the glass.
"Go right ahead, I won't stop you, I promise"
Despoina tugged at her gloves, slowly removing them without shame, setting them in her lap.
She could practically hear herself right now.
Her own mind, her own thoughts, her old, childish self screaming at her to speak, to rage, to cry it out.
Just say it
Despoina hesitated
For the love of Gaia, say it, tell someone, tell them so they know! So they can help!
"I…I…" Despoina coughed, feeling it sting her throat.
"I…..was…. fifteen when it happened" Despoina shed the coat, setting it with her gloves, beside her as she stood up and began to wander around the room, the heavy clunk of the boots on the carpet floor.
Kept the hooves safe, she was sure
"I remember….it well, my mind often brings….it…it up in my nightmares" She managed to get her words out.
Even as the memories flooded her mind.
Being small and youthful, unscathed and able to show her face to the world.
"I don't know their name, but I know their face—"
Dark skin, red in color, dressed in deep woven purple linen, hair a lighter color, eyes rimmed in gold and rings.
"—their laugh—"
Deep and crazed, arrogant and powerful, maniac was the only word Despoina thought over and over again at the flashing memory
"—their…..teeth"
White teeth coated in gold from their blood, sinking in over and over again on their skin
Chiron, oh sweet Chiron, kept a stoic face, writing down occasionally things, and written in a way nobody but her could read.
"I remember their hands on my body and I remember the pain they brought me for those days they had me" Despoina said, finding her voice again, now standing in front of the couch again, her voice still raw, but the stutters less.
"I was so naive, thinking someone would save me" She went on, grabbing at her shirt, loose on her frail body, for days she hadn't eaten.
For days, she couldn't eat, having seen that face in her dreams.
"I was stupid, thinking that I was in the wrong at the time, that this was punishment for running off from momma, from her and her protection" Despoina said, feeling her throat wet as tears bubbled at her eyes.
She sat down, the heavy, thick tears rolling down her cheeks as she remembered even more.
"I….I know it's not my fault, I know that, but I can't help but feel it" she said, a feeling of flight in her chest, flight and weight and a wash and crash of waves.
"I tore myself up for years because of it, I hide my scars out of shame" she touched at her fingers, the faint scars hidden amongst the skin, at each knuckle of every other finger, a scar, and down her hand and hidden under the sleeve.
"I cover my face because I don't want to look at anyone, I hide myself so nobody can tell what's wrong with me" She explained, trying to hide behind a smile nobody could see.
Chiron slowly stood, slowly stepping around the coffee table and sitting beside Despoina.
"It's not your fault, none of that was your fault" Chiron offered her hand, and gently Despoina gave hers.
Chiron took it and held it gently.
"No matter what happened, it was not your fault, you were young, all those young are considered easy prey once they run from the nest" Chiron explained.
Despoina croaked out her sobs, hiccuping as she spoke.
"When….when I was fifteen, I was taken advantage of" She managed to say, offered a tissue as she rubbed at her face with her sleeve.
"It wasn't rape, I'll tell you that now" She went on, managing to swallow the lump of mucus in her throat.
The tears flowed down her face like a river, touching the ground they sounded like stones, blooming into flowers at her boots and growing through the carpet, crawling up her legs.
"It was torture, physical torment" She squeezed Chiron's hand, blowing her nose into the tissue before sniffling away the rest down her throat.
"My skin…. was…was cut, lashed, whipped" Despoina gave in and didn't stop the tears, didn't stop their nose from running anymore, tugging away the veil.
They held it tight in their hands, pulled off their face and gasped from the fresh air on their face now.
Chiron looked on at her face, but made sure not to look for too long, taking heed of Despoina's words and wants.
"My throat was squeezed so tight, I find it hard to talk now, this is the longest I ever had without needing a break"
Despoina touched at her throat, feeling those faint scars now, no longer snagged on the gloves' strange texture.
"I guess I can thank speech therapy for that, and the honey tea momma makes me" she joked, swallowing hard at the memory of an nymph, both young, showing her how to sign and encourage her to speak, Demeter right beside her, holding her hand and giving her tea when needed.
It was the first time her mother had cried from happiness, and not bitter sorrow.
"I know I'm not to blame for what that….woman did to me" Despoina continued, biting her lip.
She didn't even want to call that….thing, a woman.
It was not a woman, it was a monster, ungodly and everything against the claim, it did not glow and it did not show despair in her pain, it showed delight in it all.
Horrid, giddy joy.
"But I feel tied to them, I remember how they would take their teeth and tongue and…..and…." Despoina croaked once again, stuttering their words.
Remembering the monster so well, the beast hovering above her, that kept her locked down in a room of eternal darkness, no light to touch her eyes and skin ever again.
She remembers every cut of her skin, every tug of her joints.
The flair of pain, the screams from her throat that shook the room, her powers unable to work from the duress.
She laid on that cold ground, looking up at glowing eyes and in a pool of gold as the being laughed and sliced up her skin with claws and a knife.
"Oh sweet Gaia— it was horrid" she cried, her voice loud as she dove to hug her coat, wishing nothing more than her mother to be here to hold her.
She was only fifteen for gods sake.
"Hey"
Despoina looked up, feeling a hand on her shoulder as she twitched and shifted away from it.
Chiron gave her an apologetic look, settling her hands on the couch side.
"You don't have to keep telling me anything, I understand" Chiron went on, sighing as she looked at Despoina face
Despoina who was unscathed on the face, but scarred with a mirage of scars on the skin, hidden away under fabric and woven deep into old bones.
"You went through something traumatic, and unfortunately, many do"
Some….sometimes….my scars hurt" Despoina confessed, a random bit of knowledge, of information, but prevalent to her story nonetheless.
"They…they…they hurt and i-i-i—" She sputtered her words, biting at her lip till she tasted the golden ichor and gasped from the pain.
"I have to muffle my screams so Hestia doesn't know, and I have to wear my veil so early because I—i was crying" she said so quickly, quick to confess all her sins.
"I feel so helpless!" She slammed her hands on the couch, grabbing at her gloves and twisting them tight into rope.
The vines curled up her legs, woven together as they died so easily, hardly able to live in the cold weather of the room.
She was sure Chiron didn't even notice, being dead.
"Despoina, you are not helpless, remember that" Chiron said with a heavy heart and sigh, offering her hand again, and Despoina did not take it.
She felt like she had enough with pity for now.
"You are strong, you are powerful" Chiron said, taking back her hand.
"But…but I didn't do anything! I haven't found them, I haven't even tried!" Despoina whirled back at Chiron, trying not to be bitter or resentful.
"And sometimes we don't need to do that," Chiron said, looking down at her hooves and body with a deep frown.
"I…I don't understand" Despoina managed to whisper, clutching at her shirt
Chiron sighed, doing her best not to shake her hand.
This poor girl, how long had she thought all this?
What did a monster weave into her mind and morph her into?
"Not everyone can find peace in revenge, not everyone needs it" Chiron went on, taking Despoina's other glove and offering to it, motioning for her to wear it.
Despoina slipped it on, and Chiron took the girl's hand, giving it a squeeze.
"Sometimes what we need is to heal, and healing often means not confronting what hurt us till we're ready," Chiron said, both hands holding one, cupped together to warm the glove, even with cold shade skin.
"Often when we are hurt, we seek to hurt back, when we haven't come to full terms with what happened to us just yet" Despoina looked over Chiron's face, large oval rimmed glasses high on her nose, freckles decorating her cheeks and bridge of her nose.
"But often enough, it doesn't help" Despoina frowned, looking away.
"I'm not here to tell you what you need, I'm here to offer guidance, to help, to assist" Chiron went on, standing up with the help of leaning on the couch.
"It's up to you to find the best way to heal from what I offer"
Despoina didn't look at her, guilt waking in her chest.
She knew that, but it still hurt to hear that it was up to her to figure out how to heal
"I can't say you will ever fully forget, nobody does, but I can help you manage it" Chiron offered, and Despoina nodded.
"It'll get easier, better, but never disappears" Chiron went on, sitting across the table now, and scribbling something on a sticky note.
"Often, when we feel these emotions you have, we have a sense of fake confidence with it, getting into your own head and thinking you can destroy and hurt what did the same to you" she pointed out, scribbling once again and setting aside her sticky notes before getting up again and offering it to Despoina.
"Did….you do that once?" Despoina asked, taking the note, crumpling it in her grip.
"I did, I thought of revenge when I was hurt, but I've come to terms with it, even if I still find myself angry at the outcome, I've found my peace" Chiron admitted, keeping the details vague.
Just enough for Despoina to feel comfort in those words.
"Will I ever find peace?" Despoina asked, slipping back on her gloves and coat, hesitating the veil.
"With time" Chiron said, smiling at her, giving comfort for the future.
#artwork#lore olympus#lore olympus edit#oc art#artists on tumblr#lore olympus oc#lo#lore#original story#storyboard#comic art#writing#writers on tumblr#fanfiction writer
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I’m the anon who sent you the ask having to do w my therapist and stuff a few days ago. I wanted to clear some things up, if it’s alright!
I wasn’t worried about anyone gossiping about what I would’ve told them, more worried that they’d get overly concerned and tell someone for that reason. I’m a fairly private person, so the idea was startling to me.
And thank you for giving me permission to tell you- that means a lot. My only thing is that I’d be worried about stressing you out or something! I do actually consider you a friend, which is why I asked your opinion on the topic, but I didn’t want to cause you unnecessary worry or anything (hence the anon form).
In other, good news: I’m doing a lot better! I was having reoccurring nightmares of a trauma that I’ve never experienced, but is prevalent in my family. My OCD isn’t the best, so the dreams were beginning to freak me out in a sense that I was beginning to wonder if it was some prophecy or something. (Granted, I’m not actually sure if it was OCD related, but it’s my best grounded-in-reality guess at the moment). Anyways, point is the nightmares have stopped for now!
Alright, if you’re still reading, go eat something, drink water, take your medication if you have medication, the whole deal.
Hello again, welcome back! Totally alright to clear things up; I can only get so much from a single message, and I'm bound to make mistakes and misinterpret things sometimes.
Ah, makes sense! The phrase "getting out" (or however you worded it) is rather vague, so thank you for the clarification! I've said it to other people, but I'll say it again here: I think clear, upfront communication about how you're feeling and what you want--in this case, sharing that you're not comfortable with what you say being shared, and communicating your reasoning behind not wanting someone else knowing--is the smart option. Obviously I don't know your situation exactly, and communicating like that isn't always easy, but it can be very effective. Just wanted to add that even though you said you're doing better!
Please don't worry about stressing me though--I appreciate your concern for me, but I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't completely willing to listen. And like I said, you don't need to tell me, I'm just here if you'd like to talk to me. If it helps, if at any point what you say gets to be too much for me, I will communicate that with you and we can work something out that's best for the both of us. Please feel free to reach out however you're most comfortable--anon, dm's, discord, etc.
I'm thrilled you're doing better though! I wish I could empathize more with the nightmare thing, but I've never been much of a dreamer of any kind. Hopefully they don't come back, but if they ever do I'm sending you emotional support in advance!
And thank you. Water has been drunked, dishes washed (stopped midway through answering this to wash the dishes because my dad didn't want to and I love washing dishes), medication has not been taken because I don't have any (got adhd meds, took them Once, psyched myself out even though they did do their job, and never touched them again. they're shoved in the back of my closet), and hotel has been trivagoed :). I hope you have a good whatever time of day it is for you!!
#quil's queries#nonsie#long post#i was about to say 'aw FUCK my airpod died again i'm gonna kill a man'#but then I remembered the date#and it got a whole lot funnier in my head#anyway! glad to hear you're doing better anonymous friend :)#YOU should drink water take your meds clean between your toes paint flowers on your walls make a sculpture all that jazz#where did that phrase come from#fred astaire...1956 autobiography...made popular by the song title in 1975 when lyricist fred ebb included it in the musical chicago...#i sure hope I said everything I wanted to already because now I can't member what I wanted to say. got distracted#but anyway!!! emotional support across the internet!!
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Hi!! I love your matchups so much, I was really happy to see them open again! I was wondering if I could please get one? My name is Ari, I'm 20 and I'd prefer an 18+ match! I use she/her and I'm a straight female.
Personality description - It takes me a while to feel comfortable around new people, but once I do, I become really talkative and outgoing. I love helping out and I'm the therapist friend, people come to me to vent or for advice and comfort. I'm smart and ambitious; I love being the best at everything I do. I sometimes struggle with the hardwork and conviction needed to get there though, I'm also deathly afraid of failure and disappointing the people I love. I'd like to think of myself as funny and witty? I enjoy making people, especially my mother, laugh. I'm quite the hopeless romantic and I love being in love! I also daydream a lot and I can get lost in my own world for hours. I can be quite dramatic and stubborn and I tend to be very withdrawn and closed off at times. I get frustrated easily and I'm quietly competitive. My love languages are acts of service and words of affirmation.
Physical description - I'm 5'9 and I have long and curly dark brown hair and brown eyes. I have a fair skin tone, I'm slim and I've got full lips and slight dark circles under my eyes. I wear glasses and I have broad shoulders. I dress mostly in relaxed suits, blazers and coats and I love the occasional dress or sweaters layered over a white button down!
Hobbies/likes - I love reading, my favorite genres are poetry, Russian lit, and mysteries! I also love true crime very much. I love learning about new things and knowing a little bit of everything, I'm very interested in psychology, history, mythology and folklore, and fashion! I adore adventures, witty and playful banter, joking around and having indepth discussions on anything and everything! I adore all forms of art and I have quite a few creative hobbies! I listen to a lot of modern/indie rock and I love watching psychological thrillers and romcoms.
Thank you very much!! I'm sorry if this got too long. Have a great day ❤️
hi ari! thank you so much for your patience, here’s your lover!
STEVE HARRINGTON
you and steve would be quite the happy pair. you’re both very cute- like, i feel like before you two even get together or realize your feelings you both unintentionally express love and admiration for one another. you’d be more verbal about it, like complimenting little things about him throughout the day. telling him his hair looks especially good today, or maybe that his cologne scent is new from the last and you really like it. trust me, it flusters him and he might brush it off at first, but he is absolutely infatuated with you and your little words. steve is more of the type to show it than say it, he would be more vocal when you two both know the feeling is mutual, but beforehand expect him to drive you to work when you feel too lazy to. or maybe even make you some soup when you’re sick and deliver it straight to your window. why can’t he just use the door? he’s too used to climbing.
—
“Hey Steve… Yes, I’m doing fine, this is the fifth time you’ve called me and it’s only twelve… No, I don’t need you to- Steve, you have a job, go do that!… Ugh, fine. Just make sure you’re on a break before you come here… Okay. Okay, thanks… No, it’s- okay, sure. Love you too, see you.”
You hung up the phone in front of you as you rested your elbows against the front desk. You recently picked up a new job from your neighbor who owns a shop not too far into town. He offered you the job after the Starcourt fire and you couldn’t say no. As much as you wished you could work alongside Steve and Robin, you knew professionalism was much more important than personal interest.
The funny thing is, Family Video was right across from you. Why Steve decided to call you each time he wanted to hear from you was a hard question to answer, but the most logical one is that it’s the closest he can get without actually leaving the store. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t take breaks as often as possible to go visit you.
You watched him jog over with a bag in hand, logo reading your favorite fast food restaurant. His goofy smile told you everything you needed to hear, and you smiled back, excited to have both of your favorite things with you at once.
#stranger things#stranger things x reader#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington#st steve harrington
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Hi there. First, I love your blog and have been finding it very helpful lately. Second, I just wanted some insight on what I'm currently going through. A traumatic event happened to me recently and I'm still dealing with the aftermath, it feels like it's made all my symptoms get worse and caused some old ones to resurface again, and I'm scared of things getting worse. The most convenient counseling available to me (in terms of the location and price) doesn't deal with more severe mental health conditions. They told me not to go back to them because they could only handle things like mild circumstantial depression and stress. So now I am trying to get back into long term therapy with a professional who'd be more equipped to handle cases like mine, but in the meantime, what coping mechanisms do you suggest just to keep me afloat for a while until I can access a professional again?
I don't want to get too detailed and unintentionally trigger anyone, but basically my intrusive thoughts have gotten especially bad (in all senses - frequency, intensity, how graphic/detailed they get), my "unhealthy beliefs" are becoming more obvious to the people around me and it's been interfering with my daily functioning, some other stuff has been going on that's hard to put into words tbh and overall it feels like my brain never gets a break from itself since it's so damn "loud" and it feels like the thoughts won't shut off. Sorry since I realize this is kind of a heavy topic, please don't feel pressured but if you have any resources or just advice from your own experience about how to cope with this for a while, I'd appreciate it a lot, please. I'm currently not a danger to myself or others because I do have family with me and they watch after me (check in on me, monitor my meds, etc.) but there is still that "divide" between me and them where they don't fully grasp what I'm going through and it just feels like hell inside of my own brain. Thank you.
first off im really sorry you went through something traumatic recently. you didnt deserve that or the after effects you got from it. i went through something traumatic earlier this year and it also made my symptoms worse, so youre not alone in that.
heres one resrouce, you can click on "what should i do if i experienced a traumatic event?"
as for dealing with intrusive thoughts, one thing i do is right after they happen i think to myself "obviously thats not what im thinking" or "clearly thats not my real conscious thoughts" as a way to dismess them as just intrusive thoughts and not anything to do with how i really feel. to discredit them and not give them any deeper meaning.
id also encourage you to talk more to your family and friends, to really open up and tell them the truth and how youre feeling and what youre thinking. most people want to know whats really going on with their loved ones. plus you never know what kind of advice and support they could offer until you open up. and maybe if talking isnt an easy way to show your emotions maybe do it through drawings or poetry, or even showing them a song or movie you relate to right now.
i wish you luck on getting the professional help you deserve. and if its possible, dont settle for someone you dont feel comfortable talking to or someone that isnt equipted to handle your problems. you wont offend a therapist/counselor/psychiatrist by changing to a different one, its their job to help you and if they cant its totatally normal and appropraite to switch to someone else, they dont take it personally.
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i read your pinned post. I've never been in the age reg community but can i ask, what does pure/impure regression mean? these are words I've never seen before.
I'm not in that community, I don't really want interactions with that community. Thus I don't feel comfortable talking about it too much.
But honestly Impure regression - It comes from the idea people involuntary regress. This does happen. But this is in folks with severe mental health struggles like trauma disorders (Ptsd/cptsd, DID, OSDD, BPD..) autism, adhd, and even sometimes individuals who struggle with anxiety disorders. Examples don't necessarily mean baby talk. But more so maybe even feeling vulnerable or just very scared like a small child. Can be brought on by flashbacks/memories of trauma. I don't like the term impure because it's suggesting basically there's something wrong. I also don't like the term vent, because again it suggests something is wrong. I mean is something wrong? Yes. It's mental health, but it's apart of peoples conditions & those people hopefully can get access to skills & take their time, and find people who are comfortable. But labeling it as impure, thats not okay. Even vent isn't okay. Like it should just be treated as part of the condition, rather then trying to be packaged in labels & trying to make people fit those "labels". (Like what if we did this for depression? "Oh your unbelievable sad and you watch sad movies to experience emotions. Thats so pure depression of you! You wear dark clothes? So pure depression of you! >W< I love pure depression peeps." - "oh you wanna self harm! dang thats pretty vent/impure depression if you ask me. pls tag that shit! Its totally triggering me!" - "dni if your a impure/vent depression blog!!! ONLY PURES PLS!" this would raise major eyebrows. Not to mention it's basically pushing shame on topics people should be able to discuss in spaces that are designed to be safe.)
Equally "Pure" regression is a term I dislike. Due to the term, it gives the idea it's better. The idea of pure through comes from a similar concept I heard in DBT. Which is "Mini vacations" So doing activities to allow yourself to relax. Free of self judgement. Examples could be watching cartoons/shows, or doing crafts and activities you find relaxing. Again- This is a common tool mental health providers will teach people. So they can self soothe & move to distress tolerance, work on mindfulness /grounding skills. & learn you can offer up relaxing periods without necessarily needing something bad prior to "allow" for it to happen.
My issues stem that. There was so much discourse when I was in the community for like 7 months that "pure" is "better". and that vent/impures are "bad", and I saw a lot of also people who regress due to trauma/ mental health struggling in feeling alone or icky or "othered"/different. & equally I really don't like the idea of labeling different symptoms (Impure, ex: dissociation) and then coping skills (Pure, ex: coloring) in a positive.
I feel like this is people trying to make sense of terms like maladaptive skills, but the thing is, even as someone who DID a trauma group, when we went over maladaptive coping, what it is, why do people do it, and had examples. they were never demonized or seen as "lessor" "worst". There were examples and if you connected with it, you can bring it up with your private 1:1 therapist. (Like for example, maybe someone sees "shopping addiction" as a maladaptive coping skill. Looks at it and goes "yeah... ha... I do that". They they could talk to there private therapist and work on that. Talk about it, and the feelings that come up around it/ things that trigger it/the urge, and look into methods that could help them cope better.) Equally when we went through healthy coping skills, if anyone did them, it's not like we collectively slapped there back and said "WOW your so much better than those Maladaptive coping skill people." because it could equally add shame to anyone who doesn't know how to cope.
It's one of the reasons why I moved away from the online community. But yeah hopefully this explains the two terms. =^-^=
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