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#i’ll never shut up about them and i’m not sorry about it
withwritersblock · 3 days
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Lover Boy-The Relationship
~Lover Boy by Phum Viphurit~
Author's Note: Listen idk Summary: Luke and Y/N put a title on their relationship Warnings: underage drinking Word Count: 2,117 Luke Hughes x Edwards sister!reader
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She sat at the table with Nessa beside her, watching the boys be swarmed with girls. She clenched her jaw as she watched Luke flirt with a short blonde girl. Nessa rested her hand onto Y/N’s arm trying to be reassuring. 
Ethan wandered towards the pair, alone. He held three drinks in his hand as he delicately rested them onto the table. The three glasses were filled to the brim with mixed drinks. Y/N took a hold of one of the glasses and began to sip for several seconds. She forced her gaze back down at the drink, staring at the drink less full. 
Ethan stared towards her, wide eyed. He slowly sat down, sliding his glass towards himself. “What’s wrong with you?” he asked before he took a sip of his drink. She shrugged as she pushed the glass away from her. “Your date not go well last night?” he asked. 
It was the exact opposite, it was the best night she’s ever had. They didn’t get back to their dorm building until after two in the morning. She watched as Luke’s gaze shifted towards their table. He straightened his posture as he smiled politely towards the girl before he wandered away from the crowd. 
“It was fine,” she muttered, lying. Ethan nodded suspiciously.
She watched him walk towards the table, keeping his attention towards Ethan. Y/N dropped her gaze towards her phone on the table. She began scrolling through Instagram.
“What happened?” Ethan asked Luke, he shrugged as a reply as he rested his hands on the table. He let out a huff of air as he shifted his gaze towards Y/N, his cheeks flushing red. 
“She kept asking about when I’ll be in the NHL, not even sure she knows my name,” Luke said while chuckling nervously, he met Y/N’s gaze. She clenched her jaw as she looked towards Nessa. 
“That’s annoying,” Ethan said before he took a sip of his drink, his eyes danced around the bar. “I’m gonna go talk to some girl,” he continued as he danced awkwardly with the drink in his hand away from the table. He pointed towards Y/N while nodding dramatically. He was drunk, it was easy to tell, he never dances unless he was drinking. Y/N smiled towards him before she shifted her gaze towards Luke.
Luke shifted awkwardly as he glanced towards Nessa before he met Y/N’s gaze again. “I’ve got to use the bathroom,” Nessa muttered as she stood up from the table and began manuering through the bar away from the pair.
Luke leaned his body against the table, a shy smile on his lips. “I’m sorry, she came up to me. I didn’t-”
“Luke,” she interrupted, leaning towards him. His mouth clamped shut. “It’s not like we’re dating,” she said as she smiled kindly towards him. He leaned towards her, glancing around him. He checked to see if there were any wandering eyes.
“Well, that’s the goal though, right?” he asked, widening his eyes. 
“Is it?” she asked while a smirk toyed to her lips.
He scoffed playfully as he leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest. His lips curled up in a teasing smirk. “I mean of course,” he let out as he ran his tongue over his bottom lip as he pulled his lips between his teeth. 
Before she could say anything, Dylan came up behind Luke smacking his hand against his shoulder, “Come on, we're doing shots,” Dylan took a hold of Luke’s bicep forcing him away from the table. Luke smiled towards her as he shook his head laughing. 
She dropped her gaze towards the drink, she took a hold of her straw and began stirring her drink. 
~~~
Several hours later, Luke was walking both Nessa and Y/N back to their dorm. They were waiting in the elevator. It was awkward silence as Nessa was standing between Luke and Y/N. 
Nessa’s phone began buzzing in her pocket, she quickly pulled it out and brought her phone to her ear. “Hey,” she whispered, her eyes widened as she glanced towards Y/N. “Yeah, I’ll be down in like two minutes,” she mumbled, “Alright, love you.”
Y/N furrowed her eyebrows as she looked Nessa up and down. 
“Derek’s here, we’re gonna go to his place,” she explained as she looked towards Luke. The elevator doors opened, letting Luke and Y/N step off. Nessa pressed the lobby button as she winked towards the pair. 
They stared towards one another, fighting off the smiles forming on their lips. “She’s ridicious,” Y/N let out as she started walking backwards towards her end of the hallway. She held out her hand towards him. He excitedly took a hold of her hand, letting her lead him astray towards her room. 
Shamelessly, he stared towards her frame, watching her hips sway back and forth. “What am I supposed to tell Duker?” he mumbled as she slowly stopped in front of her door, leaning her back against the door. He rested his hands against the door, holding her in place. She looked towards him, shrugging his shoulders.
“Tell him you changed your mind about the girl at the bar,” she teased.
“He knows I’m walking you to your dorm because Eddie asked me too,” he mumbled as he brushed a few pieces of hair away from her face. 
“Tell Duker that I didn’t want to be alone and you slept on my floor,” she said as she dug her keys out of her pocket. She held the keys in front of her face, he gladly took them and unlocked the door for her. 
“He’s not going to believe that,” he whispered as he unlocked the door, handing her the keys before he shoved the door open. He rested his hands onto her hips as he guided her into the dorm room. “But I don’t really care,” he mumbled as he locked the door behind him before he planted his lips onto hers.
She hummed against his lips as he tightened his grip against her hips. She pulled away, taking a deep breath, “We’re not-” she trailed off, suddenly very nervous. He shook his head instantly.
“No, we’re gonna do a lot of this,” he mumbled slowly before he pressed his lips against hers. She began stumbling backwards towards her bed as their lips remained connected. Her body began to tingle as he loosened his grip along her body, gliding his hands delicately along her hips. 
She pulled away from him, breathily as she sat down on her bed, looking up towards him. He took in a sharp breath as he scanned her features. Everything about her seemed perfect. He delicately reached his hand towards her cheek, brushing her hair behind her ear.
He leaned down towards her, gliding his hand from her jaw towards her chin. He tilted her head up. He leaned towards her, his lips hovering over her own. He smiled as he watched her lean towards him, craving his lips against hers. 
His phone began vibrating in his pocket, he groaned as he pulled away from her. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. He pulled his phone from his pocket to see Dylan calling him. He pulled it towards his ear. She sighed as she hopped off the bed and wandered towards her closet. 
He watched her movements, “Duker what’s up?” Luke asked as he watched her reach into her closet for comfy clothes. She tilted her head to the side while widening her eyes. Luke smiled as he rolled his eyes playfully. He spun around facing away from her. 
“I’m staying at Rutger’s to-tonight, I can’t get back to the ro-room,” Dylan slurred. There was shuffling on his end of the phone.
“He’s fucked man, Kayleigh and I are taking care of him,” Rutger offered on the phone.
“Yeah, alright, well tell him to call me in the morning,” Luke expressed as he kept staring towards the small alarm clock on her side table. 
“Will do, you make it back to your room okay?” Rutger asked. Luke cheeks flushed red as he took in a sharp breath.
“Yeah, yeah,” he lied. Rutger hummed.
“Good, man, see you tomorrow,” Rutger said before he hung up the phone. 
Luke pulled the phone from his ear, he delicately placed it down onto the side table, tilting his head back. “Can I look at you now?” he asked, quietly. She hummed as he spun around. She smiled as she walked towards him.
“Dylan okay?” she asked as she delicately rested her hands onto his chest. 
“He’s going to regret being alive tomorrow but Rutger and Kayleigh are taking care of him,” Luke explained as he took a hold of her waist, pulling her towards him. “Come on,” he whispered as he pressed his lips against her cheek, “Let’s get some sleep,” 
He reached around her waist, lifting her up in the air. A dramatic laugh leaves her throat as she is thrown onto the mattress. “Luke, what are you doing?” she asked as she took in a sharp breath. He tugged on the comforter as he climbed underneath the blanket, she quickly tucked her legs underneath. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her towards him. He pressed his lips against her shoulder. “We cuddle now?” she asked as she took a hold of his hand, interlocking their fingers. He hummed as he nuzzled into her neck. 
She smiled to herself as she pushed herself back, creating less space between them. “Is that okay?” he asked, his voice slightly rasped. She spun arond slowly, meeting his gaze. She took her hand away from his and rested it onto his cheek, running her thumb across his cheek.
“Think so,” she muttered as she pulled him towards her, kissing him delicately. 
~~~
It had been nearly a month since their first date together. They’ve practically spent nearly every night together they could. Whether that was a group setting with the other players or just themselves. 
The only other person that knew about their situation was Nessa. It was starting to become a lot of pressure for her. She was doing everything in her power to not let it slip. 
Luke and Y/N were walking side by side through the dining hall searching for something to eat. Ethan, Dylan, Nessa, and Derek were all wandering around as well. 
“Can we tell Duker? It would make things so much easier,” he whispered as he smiled politely to a friend from one of his classes. Her eyes widened as she shook her head. 
“You tell Dylan and then he tells Jacob and then he tells Rutger and then-” she rambled.
“Okay, okay, I get it. I just-when can we start telling people?” he asked as he guided her towards one of the stations. He picked up a plate and began adding chicken to his plate. She sighed as she brushed a few pieces of hair away from her face.
“When this becomes serious,” she muttered as she walked away from him. Luke lifted his gaze as he watched her walk away from. He scoffed while rolling his eyes. 
He clenched his jaw as he finished making his plate. He walked towards the large circle booth the other members of their little friend group were sitting at. There was only one spot left, and it was on the end beside Ethan. Y/N was sitting beside Nessa on the other side of the table. 
“Hughesy, are you going out tomorrow night? Might be our last friday we can go out for a while,” Ethan asked before he took a dramatic bite of his salad on his plate. Luke shook his head as he met Y/N’s gaze for a second.
A small smirk formed onto his lips, “I’m taking my girlfriend out to dinner and we’re going to this drive-in movie tomorrow,” he let out. Y/N’s eyes widened slightly as she kept her gaze towards her food, Nessa gripped her thigh. 
The boys all cheer, excitedly, “Since when dude?” Dylan said, reaching across the table to scruff Luke’s hair. He leaned away with a smirk on his lips, he shrugged slightly.
“I haven’t really asked her yet, but pretty sure she’s my girlfriend,” he said, switching his gaze towards Y/N. Her gaze was still staring at her food. 
Ethan wrapped his arm around Luke’s shoulder, glancing towards Y/N and back towards Luke, “You happy?” Ethan questioned, meeting Luke’s eye. Luke nodded, nervously. “Good,” he muttered as he switched his gaze back towards Y/N. 
She finally lifted her head to meet Ethan’s gaze, he winked towards her.
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luveline · 13 hours
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i would absolutely love a Hotch and stripper reader, him taking care of her after some kind of incident at her club or something? maybe a bit of angry hotch at the beginning, some angst? 💗💗💗
Your throat burns by the time his car pulls up. 
You take the butt of the cigarette from between your lips and ash it next to the first. Your hand is sore between the index finger and thumb from a bad stretch, aching as you press into your pocket for your stolen box of Marlboro golds. You’ll apologise for taking them some other time. 
You press the third between your lips and flick the lighter. You’re not good at lighting them, worse at the first inhale, your throat an agony that rivals the sting of your battered cheek. 
Shoes on the sidewalk, a scratch of loose gravel. Your eyes well with another line of tears that you work hard to hold in, taking another quick, cruel drag. They don’t make cigarettes long enough, in your opinion. They don’t last. 
He stops in front of you. Quiet, Agent Hotchner looks down at you where you’re sitting on the low wall, expression as steely as ever. You meet his eyes, worried your wobbly lip is giving you away, not sure calling him was the right thing to do after all. 
When he raises his hand to the cigarette you let him take it. His fingers wrap carefully around the butt of it, the side of his thumb brushing your lips. 
He flicks it to the ground and steps on it flat. 
You don’t say hello. It’s obvious you’ll cry, he can tell too, and he doesn’t make you. You wince as he raises his hand again, your eyes squinting closed, but he isn’t going to hurt you. His palm is warm where it cups your cheek, turning your face to the light emanating off of the club neons. 
“Do you know his name?” he asks. 
“No.” 
He raises your chin higher still. His frown turns to a glare, the brunt of which is directed elsewhere but intimidating all the same. His touching is gentle at least. 
“What happened?” 
“I told him no.” 
His jaw ticks. “Can I take you home?” 
You sniffle, turning your face out of his hand and down to your lap. He’s kissed you, he’s done more than that, but he knows you’d felt like you had no choice and so he’s giving it to you now. It’s exactly why you’d called him. It’s the man he is, and he should never have ended up looking after you. 
“Sorry I called you,” you say, hiding your face in one hand. Pain flickers behind your eyes as tears mount for the tenth time tonight. 
Hotch gives a sigh, sitting on the wall beside you. He wraps his arm behind your back and with a familiarity you need desperately. You press yourself into his side, sew your arm hesitantly over his stomach, the starch of a pressed shirt crisp on your clammy skin. 
“It’s cold out here,” he murmurs, bringing both hands to your arm, one to hold you tight, the other to rub your cool skin. 
“I think I want to quit.” 
He nods into the side of your head. “I think you should,” he says, “if that’s what you want… honey, you can do whatever you want.” 
“I don’t think I can. I’m trapped and it’s my fault.” 
“It’s not your fault.” He encourages your head under his, your face to his neck. When he talks, it’s a quiet, lulling promise. “You’re not trapped. I’ll do anything you need me to do. If you want an apartment, I’ll get it for you. If you want to shut this place down, I will. The last thing either of us want is for you to work here when you don’t want to.” 
“You don’t have to say work here like I’m not a glorified prostitute,” you say hotly, anger turned in rather than out. 
“You don’t really think that.”
Being a sex worker is complicated. You don’t know how you feel about it, and you can’t ever understand why Hotch would bother with you. You’d worried at first that your vulnerability is what attracted him, like a kid with a broken bird, but he’s proved a hundred times that your job is pretty much separate from why he likes you. He thinks you're pretty. He loves your voice. You make each other laugh, and somehow inexplicably he’s the first person you call when things go wrong. 
“Quit your job,” he says. “Even if it’s just to dance somewhere else.” 
“You can say strip.”
He nods. “You shouldn’t have to worry whether your ‘no’ will be met with a backhand. You know that breaks my heart?” 
You blink and pull away from him. He isn’t unemotional, but it’s a surprise nonetheless to hear him talk like this. “Aaron–” 
“Please,” he says. “I shouldn’t ask you to. But there are better places for you. You deserve more.” 
If it were anyone else you might get defensive. Only people who do your job could understand why you do it, it’s a hundred different things to you, but you do deserve more. You’re sick of leery men, sick of wolf whistles and bad tips and other people's hands. Hotch has never asked you to stop, but now he is, it’s to keep you safe. 
You can’t begrudge him. 
“I’m sorry,” you say. 
“No.” He rubs your arm. “I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that. And I’ll make it right.” 
“It’s not your fault.” 
“I’ll make it right,” he promises. “No matter what. No one gets to hurt you.” 
You could quit. You want to. Even if it’s just for a couple of weeks, just so you don’t have to pretend you know what you’re doing. You’ll think about it in the morning. “Could I stay with you for a bit?” you whisper. “Just tonight. Please.” 
Hotch taps your back for you to stand. He stands with you, brushing down your coat, his eyes impassive where they look over your face, your purpling bruise. 
“You can wait in the car,” he says quietly. “I’m going to ask a few questions inside before we leave.” 
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ktgoodmorning · 11 hours
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Can't do this anymore
Mapi Leon x reader
You and Mapi are best friends and roommates but there always seems to be something else between you
(I adore Mapi and Ingrid but we’re gonna pretend she doesn’t exist for this)
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Masterlist
“Wow, someone’s looking good. Hot date or what?” You rolled at Mapi as you entered your living area. Your roommate layed stretched out on the couch, where she often was, with a book in hand, peering over the top of it with a teasing smile on her face. 
“Yeah, Patri’s trying to set me up with some girl she knows. I’m hoping that by agreeing to this one she’ll quit trying to do this all the time.” You weren’t exactly excited for this date, something made clear by your deadpan voice as you talked about it. You were the token single friend in your friend group and you were tired of all of them bugging you about it, constantly trying to set you up. You only agreed to this one in hopes of shutting them up, something that always proved to be difficult. 
“I don’t get why you’re so afraid of talking to girls. You never know, maybe you could bring this one home with you and have some fun?” she wiggled her eyebrows at you. “I can disappear for the night if you want?”  Her sing-songy voice was a hallmark of her usual teasing towards you, both of you used to the fact that she was the one most likely to bring random girls home while you would panic the second a girl made eye contact. 
Despite your differences, the two of you made the most perfect friends. You had lived together for a few years now, saving on rent while also enjoying each other’s company. You were more of a homebody, often appreciating her help in crosswords or sharing books with her while she was the one who got you out of the house, not allowing you to be too much of a homebody. You were the perfect duo and everybody knew it, being more comfortable with each other than with anyone else. 
“Don’t count on it, Maria. I think it’s safe to say you don’t need to plan on disappearing. I’m just going to go have dinner with her and maybe grab some drinks if it goes well. That’s it.” You gave her a knowing look as you put your shoes on and got ready to leave.
“Keep an open mind, you never know, cari. I’m going out with the girls later but you can always give me a call if you need a ride or anything. I’m not drinking tonight so I’ll leave my phone on for you!” And with that, you left the house, off to meet your date.
Your date was fine. The girl was fine, the food was fine, the conversation was fine, it was all just fine. It wasn’t anything special. You didn’t know her at all, obviously, so you felt like the conversation was forced and unnatural. Something about it just left you feeling unsatisfied, seemingly having nothing in common with this girl and therefore nothing to talk about. You couldn’t quite decide what made Patri think it could work out between you but you were over it, your social battery depleted, opting to end the date early so you could go back to the comfort of your own home. Every one of these dates that your friends set you up on left you drained and even more anxious about the idea of ever finding a significant other. 
When you trudged through your apartment door after not being gone for all that long, you weren’t surprised to find Mapi exactly where you left her on the couch. All she could see was the look of annoyance on your face as you slipped off your shoes and made your way to join her, dramatically flopping yourself onto the couch next to her. “I’m guessing the fact that you’re already home will tell me everything I need to know about how your date went?” Her eyebrows rose as she set her book down on her chest to look at you. 
You shot her a glare in response, answering her question for her. The defender raised her hands up as if to surrender, “hey, don’t be getting mad at me, I’m on your side here.” 
“Ugghhh, I know. I’m sorry.” you sat up to finally look at her. “I’m just tired of this shit.” 
“Why don’t you come out with us tonight?”
“I don’t know, I’m tired and I-”
“Cari, listen to me. I think it could be good for you. You can stick with us the whole time, we won’t make you talk to any girls or tease you about it at all.” You scoffed at her words, knowing how unlikely it would be for that to happen. 
“You’re gonna stick with me? Zorri, I guarantee you’ll have your tongue down some girl’s throat in the first ten minutes we’re there.” Her face feigned shock, seemingly offended at your words as you giggled, knowing you were right. 
“Okay well maybe I won’t stick with you but Patri and Pina will!”
“I don’t know, Maps. You just wanna get laid, tonight. I can tell it’s been awhile cause of the stick you’ve had up your ass lately so I think I’ll sit this one out.” You burst out laughing, once again knowing you were right while she started smacking your shoulder. The two of you both broke into a mixture of giggling and hitting each other before trying your best to calm down. 
 This was the nature of your relationship with your Mapi. The two of you were constantly teasing and bullying each other, both of you knowing the love you held for each other. You saw right through what she wanted from her night out, and decided that you just didn’t have the energy to join her, or more accurately, join your other friends, in their night. 
“Mapi, while I appreciate the invite, I’m gonna stay here. But you have fun! I just need a night in.” You stood up from the couch to retreat to your room, stopping briefly to turn back to your friend right as you reached your bedroom door. “And Maria- don’t sleep with that bartender tonight. I know I said to get laid but I don’t mean her. As your friend I’m telling you, something is off about her, so please bring home any other person instead.”
The defender rolled her eyes at you but you knew she’d take your advice seriously. Every time you went out, the same bartender would spend the entire night flirting with Mapi. She hadn’t done anything wrong, per say, but something about her just rubbed you the wrong way and all you knew was that you didn’t want Mapi bringing her back to your apartment. Maybe it was just the way she looked at her or how drop dead gorgeous she was behind the bar, but it made you slightly possessive over your best friend.
With that, you retreated into your room for the night, allowing Mapi to go on with whatever she had planned and for you to get occupied by your thoughts while you attempted to watch a movie. However, all you could think about was how right Mapi had been when she teased you for being so afraid of talking to girls. You had thought about it some before but could never figure out why you were that way. The only girls you were ever all that comfortable around were your teammates and even so, it wasn’t unusual for you to still tense up around them at times. Mapi seemed to be the only one who you truly could let down your walls around no matter what and something about that didn’t sit quite right with you. 
You couldn’t figure it out. She was your best friend and she had been for years, why would you suddenly be questioning how you felt about her? It’s not like anything had changed? So why should your feelings be? 
The more you thought about it, the more it absolutely tore you to pieces, eventually resorting back out to the kitchen to make yourself a cup of tea in hopes of being able to get to sleep eventually. You didn’t realize how much time had passed until Mapi was quietly opening the front door, sneaking into the kitchen under the assumption you would already be asleep. 
You didn’t hear her enter, scaring you half to death when she suddenly started speaking to you, “You’re still awake? You okay? Something on your mind?” when her voice broke through your thoughts, you jumped, grabbing your chest as you caught your breath. 
“Jesus, Mapi! You scared the shit out of me, what's wrong with you?!”
“Ay, calm down, I didn’t mean to,” she held her hands up in surrender. “Are you okay?” 
You sighed, unable to actually be mad at her. “Yeah, I just couldn’t sleep.” It wasn’t an entire lie, but there was no way you could tell her what you were actually thinking, hoping to change the subject as quickly as possible. “I see you’re home alone. Couldn’t find any girls willing to put up with your yapping, huh?” 
“Oh don’t worry, my mouth would have been far too busy to be yapping.” You almost spit out your tea, shocked by her response while she smirked at you, giving you a small shrug once you calmed down. Mapi’s plans for her mouth were certainly not something you needed to be thinking about at the moment. “I just didn’t really feel it tonight, I don’t know.” 
She joined you at the table, stealing a sip from your tea as she did so. “You should’ve seen Patri and Pina tonight, cari. Those two were crazy…” She continued on and on, filling you in on everyone’s antics from the night, while you just listened. It was easy for you to be completely captivated by her as she spoke. You were used to her talking nonsense and you just listening, always getting lost in how excited she got and how her smile grew the longer she spoke. 
Eventually Mapi noticed the way you struggled to keep your eyes open, completely exhausted by the previous day, and helped you up. “Time for bed, you’re hardly awake. Also, don’tbemadatmebut I told Patri about how your date went so don’t be surprised if you hear from her tomorrow. Goodnight!” She rushed out her words, barely understandable, conveniently right before you went to bed and were too tired to actually be mad at her like you would’ve otherwise. Hardly even processing what she said, you decided you could handle Patri in the morning and went straight to bed, finally too worn out to be kept up by your thoughts any longer. 
You slept in late, later than you normally would, hearing Mapi already up and doing things on the other side of your wall. When you eventually emerged from your room, you were shocked at the state of your best friend. “MAPI! What the fuck!” There she was, casually doing her laundry, in nothing but a sports bra and her underwear. 
“Que?” she genuinely looked confused by your reaction, somehow unsure as to what your problem was.
“Since when does laundry day mean walking around in your underwear?!” 
“Well otherwise you can’t clean all your clothes. Cause the one’s you’re wearing are still not clean so you still have more laundry to do. So I figured why not just wash everything?” She acted as if it were the most obvious thing in the world while you kept your eyes glued to the floor, worried that you’d get caught looking somewhere you shouldn’t. You could only hope that she wouldn’t notice the slight blush that was rising to your cheeks.
“Mapi, somehow you still find ways to surprise me even after three years of living with you.” You shook your head at her, trying to hide how flustered you were while you sat down on the couch to check your phone. 
Somehow, you’d already missed a variety of messages from Patri regarding your failed date that she had set you up on. Normally you’d ignore her or tell her off for bugging you about always being single, but for some reason you decided to entertain her today. Maybe if you agreed to more of her setups and put in more of an effort, it could get you out of whatever weird headspace you found yourself in the night before. Whatever it was you were feeling about Mapi, you needed to put an end to it and hopefully some more successful dates could be the solution you needed. So in a lapse of judgment, you agreed to meet up with another one of Patri’s friends that night. Her source of single, lesbian, friends seemed to be endless so she was overjoyed when you finally stopped putting up a fight. 
There you were once again, getting ready to go on yet another date that you weren’t too excited about. You were trying your best to have a good attitude but it was harder than you expected. 
“You’re all dressed up,” Mapi raised her eyebrows at you, mimicking the exact conversation you had had 24 hours earlier. 
You let out a sigh, already regretting your decision to do this. “Yeah, I let Patri set me up with someone else, so I have another date. We’re just getting dinner so I shouldn’t be out too late, especially with training tomorrow morning.” 
“Wow, you’re really putting yourself out there,” she paused for a moment, almost looking… disappointed? But the defender quickly changed her tune, doing a complete 180, “You have fun, chica! Keep an open mind and my phone’s on if you need anything! You can always give me a call!”
“Gracias, Mapi! I’ll see you later? Adios!” 
You set off towards the restaurant you agreed on, deciding on walking as it was only about a twenty minute walk and the weather was nice. If nothing else, the walk could help clear your mind before you had to meet this girl for real. 
You were about five minutes early so you were the first one there, leaving you to get a table and wait for your date to arrive. 
The girl was a total stranger to you, not even having her number, only knowing that somehow Patri knew her and set the whole thing up. So you sat with your glass of wine, and waited.
After a while you checked your watch. It was now ten minutes after your agreed upon time. But that was understandable, right? Ten minutes was no big deal, she was probably just running late. You double checked your texts with Patri to make sure you had the right time and place and went back to waiting. 
There you sat, getting more and more anxious for every minute that passed. This is why you hated things like this; dates always just filled you with anxiety. You’d already received plenty of looks of pity from the wait staff, and weird glances from the people dining around you. After it reached thirty minutes past your meeting time, you gave Patri a call which she of course, didn’t answer. 
When it hit 45 minutes, you decided you had had enough. Tears had started pooling in your eyes from a mix of anger, embarrassment, frustration, and anxiety. You shakily got up from your table, apologizing to your waiter and paying for your wine as you did so. As soon as you reached the front door, you saw that it had begun to rain, instantly deflating your mood even further. You knew walking home would be the thing to fully send you over the edge so you decided to call your Mapi to pick you up. 
“Chica, estás bien?” 
“Mapi, can you please come get me?” Mapi could hear the exhaustion in your voice, obviously trying to hold back tears. 
“Si. Si, I’ll be right there, I’m leaving right now.” You could tell from her voice that she was rushing, coming to your rescue as fast as she could. She stayed on the phone as she drove, speaking nonsense in an attempt to distract you until she arrived about five minutes later. 
When you got in the car, she looked at you hesitantly, clearly wanting to ask what happened. 
“Maps, she stood me up.”
“Oh, cari.” Her hold body deflated at your words, “I’m sorry. I swear, when I see Patri tomorrow I’m gonna kill her. Why would she try to set you up with some shit girl she knows? I can’t stand that! You deserve better than that, you know that, right? You deserve someone who will treat you like a fucking queen, and I-”
You interrupted her by setting your hand on her thigh as she drove. “Mapi, it’s fine. I appreciate the sentiment but it’s fine, it’s not Patri’s fault.” The two of you settled into a comfortable silence- both of you lost in thought, unknowingly for the same reason. 
“Thank you for picking me up,” your voice was hardly audible. 
“Of course. I told you, I’ll always be here for you if you need anything. It’s no bother, really.” 
“You’re telling me you really have nowhere better to be than here picking me up from a  stupid restaurant in the rain?” 
“Where else would I be right now other than the couch? Sure you might have to answer to Bagheera, but I think she’ll understand.” 
You returned her soft smile, although your thoughts were more conflicted than ever before. “I just can’t help but think this is more effort that most people would put into a friend.” Both of you were silent as she parked the car, not quite sure what you were getting at. You didn’t quite know either, if you were being honest. Your emotions had taken over all sense of logic and all you could think about was the girl sitting next to you. 
“Let’s go inside, order some takeout, and talk, si?” You nodded and followed her inside, terrified of the direction your conversation would be going in. 
Once you got inside and changed from your nice clothes, you both settled on the couch next to each other. “Hmm, nice sweatshirt you’ve got there.” Mapi raised an eyebrow at you as you sat down, looking down at your clothes in confusion. You hadn’t even realized that in your mess of an emotional state, you had put on a hoodie that was definitely hers, instantly comforted by the familiar smell. 
“Ugh, I’m sorry, I didn’t even realize I had it. I’ll wash it and get it back to you tomorrow.”
“Oh no, mi amiga, keep it. I like seeing you in it.” suddenly her voice had gotten much quieter than usual. 
“Mapi, don’t be ridiculous, this is one of your favorites.”
 “No, I mean it. You’re keeping it.” 
You felt tears brimming your eyes once again and tried to blink them away, partially from your emotions from the night catching up to you, and partially filled with appreciation for the girl in front of you. 
“Amiga, are you crying?” 
“NO. No, I’m fine. I’m just tired.” 
“Vale, vale, bien. You’re not crying, I’m just gonna give you a hug, because I want to then, not because you’re crying, because you definitely aren’t crying, I’m just giving you a hug for no reason.” You rolled your eyes at the way she smiled at you, seeing right through you like she always did before pulling you into a hug. Mapi always seemed to know you better than you liked to admit, allowing you to instantly relax in her arms. “You’re adorable.” she mumbled into your shoulder, quietly enough that it took you a second to process her words that she likely didn’t intend for you to hear. 
“What’d you just say, Mapi?”
“Hmm?” she pulled away to look at you. “Oh. Nothing.” Her head shook quickly, as if she had no idea what you were talking about, something that made you smile at her once again. 
“Maps, I know I probably shouldn’t tell you this but I don’t know who else to tell other than you and I just need to get it off my chest.” She looked at you expectantly, waiting for you to continue. “I’m always so scared of girls and dating and all of that.” You looked up at her, “I don’t know why I’m telling you this, you know that already.” You were met with an encouraging smile as you thought about what you wanted to say next. “But I never could figure out why I was so scared. I just could never get comfortable with anyone and I think I’ve always been terrified of getting hurt if I let my walls down. But lately I feel like I’ve realized that you’re the only person that I ever feel completely comfortable with. And you’re the only person that I’m not worried about hurting me. And I don’t know what to make of that, and it scares me, and you’re literally my favorite person in the world, and I just-” You took a deep breath in an attempt to prevent yourself from getting even more worked up. “I just needed to get it off my chest.”
Mapi was silent in thought for a minute but reached out to grab your hand, her way of letting you know that she wasn’t upset but just needed a second to think before responding. When she finally did, her voice was shaky and much less animated than you typically heard it. “You know how I am with dating. You know I’d rather just hook up with people and play around.” This was not at all what you expected her to say, raising your anxiety even further. “I never saw myself being able to settle down. It was always too scary. I’d rather put no feelings into it and just have fun than risk someone else fucking me up. But something about you, changes that for me. There’s a reason I haven’t been hooking up with anyone lately. You were my best friend before you were anything else, amor, and I don’t want to put that at risk.” Her eyes glanced up at you hesitantly, barely whispering out her last words, “But you make the idea of settling down seem easy.”  
If you thought you were confused before, it couldn’t even compare to how you felt now. Your mind was running on overdrive, trying its best to make sense of her confession. You’d never in life seen Mapi look so scared and vulnerable, something that was saying a lot as you had seen her at some major low points. She was hardly making eye contact with you, and was more fidgety than usual- picking at her nails and tapping her foot. 
The defender took a huge deep breath, before giving your hands a squeeze. She could easily see the way your thoughts were spiraling and knew she would have to be the one to say what you were both thinking. 
“Why don’t we stop pretending we still think of each other as friends? Cause I don’t know if I can do that anymore.” 
You looked up at her surprised, just now realizing that she was serious in sharing the feelings you had. “Mapi are you for real? And don’t fuck with me right now, cause I swear-”
She giggled slightly at your reaction, stopping you in your tracks, “En serio, amor. Prometo.” You could tell that she was. Her face was as serious as she ever was. 
“Then let’s not be just friends anymore.” 
You hardly realized the way the two of you had drifted closer throughout your conversation, both of you speaking much quieter, only a few inches apart. “I want to show you what you deserve, treat you like the queen you are, and show you how much I love everything about you.” Both of you were looking all over the other’s face, your eyes bouncing from her lips, back up to her eyes, and taking in everything in between. If you could memorize every freckle in that moment, you would’ve.
“Then do it, Maps.” 
There was maybe only an inch separating you, but for some reason she was still scared of messing it up. "Am I reading this wrong? If I am.. push me away." Your noses brushed together as you could feel her breath on yours. When you didn’t hesitate at her words, she took that as the approval she needed, instantly pressing her lips against yours. The chemistry between you was more than either of you had felt with anyone else, finally doing exactly what you didn’t realize you had been waiting for along.
Hope you enjoyed! Requests are open and appreciated!
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scar-lie · 2 days
Text
Omega Pt. 13 {Natasha}
Summary : Talking and asking Natasha are hard enough but feeling rejected are even disappointing
Pairing : Alpha ! Natasha Romanoff x Omega ! Reader
Warning : Nothing other than feeling hurt
Word count : 1.596
{OMEGA PT. 12} {OMEGA PT. 13} {OMEGA PT. 14}
No one has permission to repost my work anywhere, if you see it please let me know
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You're standing in front of Natasha's room, knocking, and when the door opened, you smiled at her, but she just got out of the way so you could come in.
“Sorry, I lost track of time playing with them, but don't worry, they are clean and ready to pick up.” Natasha has had the pups for hours, and she was supposed to bring them back an hour ago for bedtime, but she was just so lost on them that she lost track of time.
“It's ok, actually, uhm...” You shyly shift on your spot, getting nervous about what you're going to ask because, since the talk three days ago, she has tried to avoid the subject and you as much as possible.
“Can we sleep here? ”The question makes her tense and look up at you, shocked and analyzing you, so you quickly look down, knowing asking something like this to the alpha after rejection might not go well.
“I can take the corner, or we if you don't want to sleep next to them,” you fidget the hem of your shirt, getting nervous and expecting her to reject the offer, because for the past 3 weeks all you wanted was to talk to her or be near her, and for James, he put distance between you two because, first, he knows the alpha you want is talk to her or be near her, and for James, he put distance between you two because first, he knows the alpha you want is Natasha, and Natasha wants you, so he distance himself to not make things more complicated than they are, and second, he already found her omega.
“What? ”You grip the hem of your shirt, accepting her response as a rejection, so you sigh and look up at her with a small smile.
“Nothing; can I have them now? .... It's already past their bedtime.” You didn't wait for her answer; you quickly took two to put them in your room and came back to another one.
You're so embarrassed that you almost run just so you could leave right away from her gaze, and when you're in your safe place, your room with your pups, you quickly shut the door, sigh heavily, and start to get ready for the night.
But 5 minutes after you lay down with your pups, there's three soft knocks on your door, making you frown. You're not expecting anyone at this time, not unless Wanda or Yelena need something.
But before you could stand up or shout to the other person on the other side to come in, the door squeaked, making you nervous and scared until it was slightly open. Then Natasha's face was shown, making you sigh in relief.
“Hey, sorry for bothering you at this time, but...” Natasha clears her throat while you sit up on the bed and look at her.
“Can I sleep here instead? "I could take the floor or the couch." You couldn't believe what you were hearing. Natasha has come to you for the first time in 3 days and is asking something so cutely that makes you smile a little, but Natasha feels the opposite; she feels nervous and scared, not sure if this is right that it makes her feel small.
“Or not, it's ok, I’m just going to go back to my room.” Natasha lowered her head, ready to close your door, but you quickly took the comforter off of you.
“No, Nat, wait.” You took her arm and lightly tugged her, so she looked back and looked at your face with a small smile.
“You can sleep here.” You open the door widely and move to the side for her to come in. She smiles at you and holds her pillow tightly, then comes in.
“Thanks, I’ll just take the floor.” You shake your head at her and then take her hand.
“No, you can sleep with us in the bed; there's plenty of room anyway,” you softly said, and when you realize that you're holding her hand, you quickly look away from her but never take your hands off of her.
“It's ok, I’m just going to take the floor, I insist.” You nodded at her and retrieved your hand. Honestly, it's kind of hurtful that she refused to sleep with you and the pups, but you understand her and the situation. I mean, you two weren't mates anymore. 
"Ok,” you go. Take your thickest blanket for her to lay down on and use as a mattress, then a blanket and another pillow for her to use, to at least make her feel comfortable on the cold, hard floor of your room.
You plan to lay it beside you, but when you see her walk to the end of the bed, you quickly go lay it where she is.
“Tell me if you need another thick blanket to lay down or if it's uncomfortable.” You then put the pillow down and stand at the bed, giving her space to get comfortable.
“Thanks, have a good night.” You just give her a small smile and go back to lay down beside your pups.
But the thing is, even if you try hard to sleep, you just can't. The urge to lay beside her makes it so hard to control yourself to just lay beside her and her scents that's lingering in the air of your room. It took every single fiber of your being to not just get up and be with her.
So when the clock hits 2 a.m. You sit up and set your bed to have a barrier around the edges so the pups won't fall down, then you go stand before Natasha with your pillow. You're contemplating whether this is a good decision or not.
“Just do it,” you sigh and slowly crowl next to her, then put your pillow beside hers and slowly lift her right arm since she's lying on her left, then slowly and carefully scoot in the space in front of her, your back facing her front, then gently lay her arm around your waist.
But you didn't expect her to shift, then tighten her hold on you, then pull you closer, cuddling with you while she nuzzles her face in the back of your head, smelling your hair and scent. Your heart flutters and beats faster, happy that she still finds your scent pleasant and is still looking for it, but that’s quickly taken away from you when Natasha sits up and scoots away from you.
“You shouldn’t be here sleeping; you should be in your bed.” You sit up and turn around her, disappointed and hurt while clenching your hands on the comforter in your lap.
“I know, I just want to sleep with you,” you mumble, but she could still hear it. You then bite your lower lips, getting nervous and shy around her.
“Just go back to bed and sleep, please.” You look down, and Natasha is getting guilty by the second, but she doesn’t want you to get a cough or get your back hurt.
“You really don’t want me to at least sleep next to you, do you? ”You chew your bottom lips and play with the comforter while nervously waiting for her response, but that didn’t come; the room became silent once again, and the agonizing silence is enough for you to know what her possible answer is.
But when Natasha was going to answer you, one of the pups started to cry, so you quickly took your pillow, left the comfort of Natasha’s makeshift bed on the floor, and went to tend to the needs of your pups.
“You should go back to sleep; I’ll deal with them,” you said to her. You took him in your arms and lulled him to sleep. You're thankful that he cried because you didn’t know how to get out of that situation, but Natasha didn't. She wants to cradle you in her arms and tell you that she craves your cuddles and touch, but when she notices the distance in your voice and presence, her shoulders slump, and she just lays down to try to get at least a little bit of sleep.
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Natasha woke up earlier than you or the pups, and because she didn’t want to wake you up, she neatly folded the comforters and placed them on the couch with the pillow you gave her. She then quietly left the room, going to her room to do her morning routine before going down to take breakfast and go to the gym.
You, on the other hand, are already awake when she’s halfway through folding the comforter, but you pretend to be asleep to escape the embarrassment that’s lingering in yourself, maybe hoping that she at least gives you a forehead kiss or the pups, but that didn’t come, making you sad and disappointed first thing in the morning, so you just sadly smile at yourself while admiring the face of your daughter that’s starting to stir awake, so you scoop her in your arm with the biggest smile you could pull off.
“Hi! Good morning, my little princess. How was your sleep? Was it good? Hmm? ”She coos and giggles a little, pulling a genuine smile out of you and making you happy to see her out of a life-and-death situation, but soon the two boys start to wake up, so your morning turns pretty quickly from sad and disappointed to happy and grateful to wake up another day with your pups.
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strawberrysodaslut · 2 days
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idk if you can do this but can you do a poly!marauders x gn!reader, and the boys’ reactions when yn wears a binder one day.
i'm not trans nor have i ever worn a binder, so i hope this is an accurate portrayal!! feel free to correct me on anything i've messed up.
Getting a binder was a long time coming. After months of research, hesitations and all the time spent waiting, going to the store and getting one, you never thought wearing something to bind would make you feel so damn free. Finally, understanding what people meant when you heard about gender euphoria.
You hadn’t told the boys about your latest purchase. In fact, you hadn’t brought up the concept to them. Not that they hadn’t been supportive of you, they really were. In a world of magic, pronouns were something that hardly needed grasping, and they would correct anyone who messed up politely, sending you a soft smile as they did. But- you couldn’t help but be anxious about them finding out. What if this was too much? What if they get freaked out?
So, you kept your binder to yourself.
At first, you didn’t think they had noticed. You wore looser clothes or sports bras earlier, so it probably wasn’t as big of a difference to others. It wasn’t until dinner that night where you noticed Sirius staring at you from across the table.
“What?” You said, chomping down on a bread roll to hide the way self conciousness ebbed in your chest.
Sirius squinted his eyes, looking like James when he tries to read without his glasses. “You look different.” He says. “Did you do something to your face?”
James laughs from next to you. “Did they do something to their face? What kind of question is that, Padfoot?”
“Well, I don’t know!” Sirius exclaims, “Admit it though Prongs, something about them is different!”
You find it hard to not instinctively crawl under the table to hide. So you curl in on yourself, pressing your chin to your chest to calm the heat across your cheeks. As if he can sense your anxiety, Remus places his hand on your shoulder.
“Guys stop.” He says, light concern lacing his voice, but he’s clearly trying to hide it. “Obviously they’re just relaxed now that the holidays are coming, isn’t that right?” He says to you, giving you a slight smirk and raise of his eyebrows that only happen during his most devious pranks. ‘go with this’, he silently urges you.
You smile, nodding your head. “Yeah, I’m glad classes are almost over.”
“Well,” Sirius starts, “We should have holidays more often then. Haven’t seen you this confident in- I don’t even know.”
“I’ll start the petition!” James pipes.
You smile, glad to be supported by your boys, but still relieved that your secret remains yours.
Little did you know later that night, the boys had a plan to throw a movie night with you in the common room. So at nighttime, when you had changed out of your binder so you wouldn’t sleep in it, James surprised you by barging into your room.
“Oi! It’s movie time- oh sorry.” James said, cutting himself off to cover his eyes as you put on your sweatshirt.
Remus followed him, quickly closing his eyes and turning around when he saw you, “Jeez Prongs! They’re changing!” He scolded.
“I know! That’s why I’m…” He trails off, gesturing to the hand that’s covering his eye- going completely unnoticed to Remus with his eyes shut tight.
You shake your head, a soft giggle escaping from your lips. God, they’re dramatic. “It’s okay guys, don’t stress.” You throw your sweatshirt over your head. “Nothing you haven’t seen before.”
James makes a soft grunt, before removing the hand from his eyes and taking you in. “Well, sorry again.” He says. His eyes slowly drift behind you to something on your bed, and tilts his head. “Hey what’s that?”
You almost jump, turning behind you to see your binder laid out on your bed, ready to be put away. You shudder a deep breath before trying your best to gesture nonchalantly. “It’s uh-” It’s hard not to cringe at how your voice trembles. Okay, nonchalant isn’t working. So you instead opt to be candid. “It’s my binder.”
James looks between you and the binder, his brows furrowed. “Binder…?” He questions before his eyes go wide. He paces towards you in a frenzy. “You’re not binding your magic, are you? Listen, you shoul-”
A giggle almost slips out again as you interrupt him before he explodes, “No Prongs! It’s for my chest. It binds my chest.”
Despite the reassurance that no, you were not binding your magic, James doesn’t look any less confused. If anything, he looked even more. “Why would you want to bind your chest?” He asks, his brows furrowing as he makes his way from you to the binder.
Candid, you remind yourself. You’re being candid. “So it would be flatter.” You say.
A beat passes before James replies, still looking down at the material.
“Oh.” “Oh?” You ask. Your heart thumping in your chest with anticipation.
He makes a small squeak as he turns back to you, “I-I just didn’t realise that was something you worried about.” He says, his voice sympathetic but laced with concern. “It’s not…” He pauses, “Is this where we’re supposed to say something to make you feel better? Because you don’t have to do that for other people you know...”
“No, I get that.” You say, a small smile making its way to your face. “This isn’t for other people, it’s for me. I’m more comfortable with myself when I wear it.” You gesture to the binder, as if it hasn’t been the subject of the past couple of minutes.
With that, James’ whole demeanour changes. The tension in his body disappears as he smiles wide. “Well then, we’re thrilled for you. Aren’t we moony?” He says, nudging Remus who has just been staring at you since the conversation started.
As if he has just awoken from a nap, Remus startles to attention. “Oh- uh yes! I’m supportive of whatever you choose as long as you're happy.” Remus replies, smiling at you before chuckling “Sorry it’s just- I knew that’s what was different.”
“You staring at their chest are you?” James teases Remus. “Perv.”
“No! I-” He exclaims, a red tint painting his face.
You smile at him, about to reassure the boy, when a crashing sound comes from downstairs before a yell echoes through the hallway. Remus mutters a small ‘fuck’s sake’ as the cause of the noise comes bounding towards your room.
“Sorry gentlemen- gender neutral, of course. The popcorn has burned.” Sirius announces before he’s entered the room, reeking of burnt popcorn with a few pieces lodged in his hair. Sharing James’ nosiness, his eyes quickly fixate on your binder. “Hey, what’s that?”
James scoffs before turning to Sirius. “It’s a binder, Padfoot, and they’re very happy.” He says with pride, his chin lifting. “Catch up.”
Remus’ attention, however, has drifted away from the binder and he asks the real important question, “How the hell do you burn magic popcorn?”
Sirius jumps to the defensive, “Hey! I’m the one who told you not to put me in charge of food!” He says, throwing his hands up. “I’m obviously more suited to the pillow gathering region.”
With a dictionary worth of swear words, Remus stomps down the hall to make some unburnt popcorn. James quickly following behind, arguing why him being the pillow gatherer was the best choice.
With Sirius and you alone, he turns to you. “Hey, it’s cool that you have that now. Reg used to use one a while ago.” He says, before grabbing your hand, “Now, let’s watch some movies on a subpar pillow arrangement.”
You laugh as you both go to follow the other two boys. “Sounds good.” You say, feeling more secure with them than ever. Your binder sitting blissfully on your bed, ready to be used again tomorrow.
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euijoosorangeslice · 2 days
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harua fingering reader under the table while all the members are around orrr vice versa (reader strokes harua) 😣😣
flushed out
shigeta harua x reader
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Your friends all hung out every Saturday night, grouped up as ten on a combination of the couch and the floor. After nine other days of rotation, it was finally your turn to pick the movie. “Twilight!” You eagerly selected, watching some of your friends smile and some of them roll their eyes.
“Seriously, __? We watch this every time it’s your turn.” Kei whined, holding his pillow. “Sorry, it’s just the best movie ever.” You mumbled, relaxing into the couch. Yuma and Taki were on the ground, Maki situated behind them. Fuma, Euijoo, Nicholas and Kei were all sitting on one couch, and you were sitting in between Jo and Harua.
As you took a deep breath in, you watched the first twenty minutes of the movie through. Suddenly, you felt Harua’s hand crawling up your thigh. You whipped your head towards him, seeing a slight blush against his face. “I want to try something.” He whispered, making you sigh slightly. “Harua, no. You try this every time. I’m not going into the bathroom with you.” You answered, swiftly dismissing his question.
He whined, slamming his head against the couch. “__, please! I’ve never had a girl…give me a handjob. I just want to try it this once.” he whispered, tapping the inside of your thigh. You rolled your eyes, moving his hand away from your thigh and returning to the movie.
It couldn’t have been more than ten minutes when you heard Harua slightly moan next to you. Again, you turned towards him. “No way.” You whispered, almost angrily. He was touching himself under the same blanket you were sharing with him. “Harua, how horny could you possibly be right now?” You shouted, hushed. This earned you a smug look from Nicholas, who was sitting the closest to Harua.
“I-im sorry __, but please. Just this once, okay? And I’ll never ask again.” He begged, and you sighed in annoyance. “Fine. I’ll give you what you want.” You agreed, spitting into your hand and reaching into Harua’s sweatpants. You reached down further, pushing down his boxers to his mid-thighs.
Slowly, you began stroking his cock in repetitive motions, watching as Harua bit onto the top of the sheets to muffle the sounds of his pleasure. He whined your name, shutting his eyes from embarrassment of how loud his noises were. Jo looked over, and when he noticed your hand under the blanket moving, he looked away.
He began rocking his hips into the pleasure as he moaned, burying his face into his cushion when you cupped his balls with your other hand. “You must really like being watched, since you’re about to cum from just this.” You spoke, not as hushed since Jo already was aware of what was going on.
You looked over, seeing the tip of Jo’s ears turned red from shock. As Harua finished, he let out a long string of whines and moans of your name, louder than he wanted to. Even though he was overstimulated, you still kept stroking him in the same motion. You noticed that Euijoo had looked now, and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
Once he realized what was happening, he didn’t hesitate to call you both out. “Oh my god, are you two really touching each other under there?” You noticed as Kei’s eyes shot open. “Ugh, oh my god! I knew you were acting weird today, Harua, but not this weird!” He cried, grabbing Maki and shielding his eyes.
Harua had completely turned red by now from all of the attention, his half-hard dick still in your palm. Taki and Yuma just burst into a fit of giggles, Fuma joining them. Harua huffed, trying to push past the embarrassment. “Well, f-first you make fun of me for months on end, saying ‘n-no girl would ever touch me’ , and when one finally does, e-everyone still makes fun of me!”
Harua pulled up his sweatpants, ignoring the stains of his own release on the inside. “Harua, we’re just kidding, do whatever you want.” Nicholas tried to reassure him, but he ignored him. “I- I need to um…use the bathroom.” He rushed off, Jo awkwardly staring at you as you sucked your fingers to get the remainder of him off of you.
“What, do you want one too?” You joked, making Nicholas laugh from his core and Jo turn away from you.
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Hey Love your stuff! The Vs being protective of Retro, preventing them remembering anything bad or near murder that they do, is actually cute considering what Retro's dark side.
So here is a thought I had after reading Valentino covering up his near murder that Retro saw. What if Retro, most likely in the tower as i can't picture them ever doing this in public, was to try and flirt with Vox and Val?
I don't expect anything more than Retro maybe trying on a risky outfit, maybe getting nervous, and getting caught of course.
I just wonder how they would react as Retro making that kinda move seems outta character for your wonderfully created Hidden Serious killer 'house wife' Sea Bunny.
Sorry if my suggestion made you uncomfortable feel free to ignore it.
Anon, you are amazing. Don’t worry about it at all! I actually have a really adorable idea because of this, and I hope you like it! (Slight spice warning? I guess. It’s just a picture of the outfit in question, nothing really happens)
Something New!
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“Vel, babe,” I said, with a nervous smile. “I have a teensy tiny favor to ask of you.”
“Oh?” Velvette asked, over the phone. She motioned for her models to shut up. “And what would that be?”
“Just- please come to my room when you can,” I said quietly. I was already blushing, and I hadn’t even told her what this was about.
“Of course! I’ll be over before you know it,” she said with a grin. I never asked for favors, much less from her. She knew that whatever this was, it would be good. “Love ya sweetheart, see you soon!”
“Love you too,” I said, a small smile on my face.
She hung up and dropped everything. “Everyone! Leave! Now!” She said, pointing towards the door. “I’ve got an emergency to cover.” She made another call on her phone. “Yeah, hey, Vox? Shut off the cameras.”
“What- why?” He asked, sounding suspicious. He was watching me fidget nervously in my bedroom- he was in his office, watching from the cameras- as I awaited Velvettes arrival. “Is something wrong?”
“No, not at all! If my hunch is correct, this could be great,” Velvette said, sounding excited. “I just need you to turn off your stalker cameras for a bit- at least the ones near and around Retro. If you’re watching, they might bail.”
“Bail on what?” Vox asked, sitting up straighter. “Vel, what are you talking about?”
“Nothing,” she said in a sing song voice, already headed to my room. “Nothing you need to worry about, at least. This will be fun, trust me.”
“Fine.”
“Yes!”
“But you only get two hours,” Vox said sternly. “Then the cameras are on and I get an explanation, understand?”
“You got it, babes,” Velvette said with a grin. She hung up and knocked on my door. “Retro? I’m here, love. May I come in?”
“Hm?” I looked at the door, surprised. She’d gotten here quick. I opened the door and stepped aside, letting her in my room. “Uh, yeah, definitely.” I closed the door behind her. “Uh. Don’t you- I thought you had work?”
“Hm? Oh yes, it was a slow day,” she said, waving a dismissive hand. “Don’t worry about it. Now, what was that favor you needed?”
“Oh! Right,” I said, my face heating up already. I looked away and sat on my bed, fidgeting again. “I, uh… I was wondering….”
“You were wondering,” Velvette repeated, sitting down besides me. My reaction was practically confirmation of her guess, but she wanted to hear it from me. “What is it, love? You know I can’t help unless you tell me.”
“Can you- could you help me find a good outfit to wear?” I blurted. God, I was so tense and nervous. It was silly, really. This wouldn’t be my first time wearing something risky, but I was still anxious about it. I loved them, and I was afraid I’d screw it up. I was having second thoughts already. “Something for Vox and Valentino. Something they’d like.”
“Oh!” Velvette said. She put a hand to her mouth, her eyes wide with surprise. She thought it was something of this nature, but to have me actually say it? Me admitting it? Damn. The way I was acting made it adorable to her. “You want something… suggestive? Or just showy?”
“W-what?” I asked, looking at her. Now I was confused. “Wait, there’s a difference? What?”
“Oh sweetheart,” she said, taking my hand in hers. “I have so much to teach you.”
For what seemed like forever, Velvette showed me an outfit and I said no. She was showing me lingerie, bondage gear, and the like. She quickly realized I was not used to this sort of thing (and I didn’t want to do anything, I just wanted to tease the boys), and toned it down. Eventually, we settled on a top and some normal pants.
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(Left if you don’t have tits, right if you do. Or you could wear something else, I don’t care. I just don’t know how to describe this lol)
So, I got changed and hesitantly walked out from behind my dressing screen to show Velvette the outfit.
“So, uh… what do you think?” I asked, doing a little twirl for her. “Do you think they’ll like it?”
“Oh. My. God.” She gasped and walked over, admiring how I looked, and her handiwork. “Babes, you have got to do this more often! You look stunning. Here, let me get a picture.”
“No! No,” I said immediately pulling away. I was blushing furiously. “Please don’t. Oh my god, I should’ve known this was a bad idea. God, I feel so stupid…”
Velvette frowned, looking disappointed. She felt a pang of guilt. She hadn’t meant to make me feel that way, she just wanted something to remember the occasion. She reached out to explain, but before she could, the door opened. Vox and Valentino walked in, looking serious.
“Alright, times up,” Vox said sternly. “I turned off the cameras, now I expect an-” he cut himself off when he saw me.
“Oh,” Valentino said with a grin. “This. I like this.”
“Fuck! Fuck, no, shit- you aren’t supposed to- oh my god,” I panicked, ducking behind my dressing screen. My face was as red as a tomato. I was so embarrassed. “Please leave!”
“Wait, what?” Vox asked, looking to Velvette. He was confused by my reaction. Was he not supposed to see me like this? Hadn’t I just spent the past two hours preparing for this? Why was I reacting this way? He wondered if he did something wrong. “Did I…?”
“No, it’s not you,” Velvette said quickly. She stood and walked over to the two, looking guilty. “They’re just… a bit shy. They aren’t used to this, you know? I kind of startled them, by accident, just before you came in.”
“Oh,” Vox said. He was still processing. And overheating slightly.
“Honey bunny,” Val said softly, approaching the dressing screen slowly. “It’s okay. We didn’t- we don’t-” he sighed. He had no idea what to say. “Sweetheart..”
“It was a silly idea,” I said quietly, on the other side of the screen. I was sitting on the floor, my knees tucked to my chest. “Sorry.”
“No, no, don’t be sorry,” he said. “May I…? Please?”
I didn’t respond but I didn’t stop him, either. I was conflicted. I wanted them to see, I was just afraid. I was afraid of a negative reaction. “I… I guess.”
He pushed the dressing screen aside and folded it up, then sat down next to me. “Come here, mi amor, it’s okay,” he said gently. He reached out to touch me, but didn’t, awaiting my permission. He was being so considerate, it was unlike him. I leaned towards him, allowing him to touch me, but I didn’t meet his gaze. “You look beautiful,” he said, wrapping his arm around my waist. He pulled me up against him.
“Thank you,” I said, with a small smile.
I looked over at Vox, who seemed on the verge of a system crash. His screen was flickering and he was clearly overheating just at the sight of me. Velvette was trying to help. She was not very successful. I laughed a little to myself and smiled wider- more genuine.
“He likes it too, you know,” Val said, nudging me playfully.
“I can tell,” I said, my expression softening. I was less tense now, more relaxed. “I’m glad.”
“So… will you be doing this again?” He asked with a grin.
“We’ll see,” I said with a small laugh. “I’m not sure Vox could handle it.”
“He’ll just have to get used to it! I won’t let him stop me from seeing you all dolled up and gorgeous like this,” Valentino said with a playful huff. He gently ran his fingers along my bare skin. “You look wonderful, mi cariño.”
“I agree!” Vox said, apparently having snapped out of his little spiral. His screen had a pink tinge to it- I imagined that was his way of blushing- but he had a smile on his face. He walked over and sat with us, Velvette following close behind. “I’d love to see you like this more, if you’re comfortable with it. You look stunning, either way, my dear.”
“Thank you,” I said, blushing again. He chuckled and pulled me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me.
“Not a problem, darling,” he said softly. He gave me a kiss on the top of my head and smiled wider. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“And I love them more than you!” Velvette declared.
“Hey!”
“I love them most!”
“HEY!”
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toulousewayne · 10 hours
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Wake Up : A Bat Family One-Shot
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———
Beep….Beep….Beep.
That’s the only sound in the room. That and the sounds of the tubes contracting. The room is full of your brothers and father. Alfred had stepped out to speak with the doctors.
Bruce sat in a chair to your right with Damian on the opposite side of your hospital bed. Tim sat like a cat perched in the window seal. Gotham City in her rainy and gloomy glory was just beyond the glass. Though it seem a lot more dim then normal. Jason had snapped and left an hour ago. Dick was in the corner pf the dim room not meeting anyone’s gaze.
“I’m sorry.” Bruce managed to choke the words out. They were the first words he said to you since you fight hours ago.
You were Bruce’s Daughter, and you too didn’t always see eye to eye. But he loved you in his own way only Bruce could understand. He gently pushed a stray piece of hair away from your face.
Beep…Beep…Beep.
That was the only reply he gotten. He replayed early tonight over and over like it had his parents deaths for many years.
——
“Are you fucking serious!” You hissed at him. You glared daggers at your father.
“Y/n”
“No, you told me the reason you and canceled on me was because of some life saving event,” That was true, Bruce had canceled on her for the millionth time this week alone.
“I didn’t lie to you,” he spoke monotonously. “Clark asked me to accompany Jon and Damian on a mission.” He took a sip from his wine.
“Oh, I forgot your Boy’s clubhouse.” She spat.
—-
Bruce gently brushed your black and red knuckles. He let out a deep wounded sigh. Dick glanced over and narrowed his gaze. “This is all your fault.”
Bruce didn’t meet his gaze. “I didn’t make time for her I know that, I don’t your in put here Dick.” He said his name so cold it was almost as if that was he was calling him rather than calling his name.
Tim scoffed,”You both are to blame.” Dick shot his gaze to the college student nearly giving himself second degree whiplash.
“And what do you mean by that,Timmy?” The older man gaze never leaving the younger one.
“We all know Bruce blows everyone off unless it’s about the mission. You just do it because you don’t care about anyone but your Team or your girlfriend.”
Dick stares down at his brother and crosses the room some he’s with earshot of him.
“Tim that’s bullshit and you know it,” he tries to keep his anger in but it’s simmering and he could pop at any giving moment, “I do my best to be there,and yes I can be everywhere at once but I do try. At least I try to be.”
The room felt silent again with everyone’s on the comatose girl. The fight between them feeling as though it dismissed itself within seconds. Dick shoves his hands in his pockets and turns on his heels.
“I’m gonna go to the cafeteria, I’ll be back.” No one stops him. The door shuts softly and the only sound is the machines and the rain on the window.
A knock on the door brings everyone back to earth. It’s Alfred. “The Commissioner is here, he needs a moment with you Master Bruce.”
Bruce excuses himself and leaves the room.
——
Jason takes a long puff and the smokes leaves his lips. He looks toward the city through a rainy night. The red light the hospital cases a highlight on his face.
He blew up on Bruce twice tonight, not that he didn’t feel that it wasn’t necessary he did. But it didn’t change the pit in his stomach, nor the smells of gasoline, burning rubber, and metal.
He remembers everything.
——
“You avoiding me too?” He turns to the doorway of the library. You walk into the light of the fireplace.
“No but I don’t have any interest in spending the night in my old room.” He fired back turning the page of his book and placing a bookmark in it before standing up.
She shakes her head at her big brother. “Forgot, if I’m not apart of the missions you guys forget about us on the surface.”
He clicks his tongue and huffs,”Not like that.”
She shakes her head and grabes his plate and mug. “Sure it’s not, we used to hang out but now that I do go out anymore it’s like I’m a ghost to him. You too.”
Jason doesn’t meet her gaze right away. “I’m not talking to Daddy Bats right now. I only came because Golden Boy wouldn’t stop blowing up my phone. I just got back from Columbia this afternoon. I’m just tired is all. I’m free in a day or two.” He rubbed his face and turned back to her.
“Forget it Jason, rain check.” She mumbled and walked out the room.
——
Jason puts out the smoke and stomps on it before pushing his shoulders away from the hospital and heads back inside.
——-
Dick sat at table in the corner in the cafeteria. He took a sip of his coffee which tasted like old dirt water. Then again it was 1 am.
He throws his head back rubbing his temples trying to massage away his stress to no avail.
He gets to his feet and leaves and heads down the hallway. The rush of the hospital in full swing. Doctors getting paged, the sounds of nurses making rounds, phone lines ringing,etc.
He took a sit in the main lobby. He closed his eyes for a moment thinking about the last time he spoke to his sister. It was growing on three weeks.
——
“So??”
Dick woke up from dosing off. He rubbed his eyes and sighed.”Sorry it’s been a long 24 hours.” He sighed and scratched Haley’s head.
“I can tell, you’re not sounding like yourself.” He picked up the phone and walked into the kitchen opening the fridge. It’s only contents being a Chinese takeout container, a pizza box that he got earlier, two cans of diet soda, half a case of beer and three water bottles.
He takes a water and downs it. “Tell me about it and with this mission around the corner I need to get some rest but I doubt it.”
“What mission?”
Dick stopped in his tracks. He hadn’t told anyone but Barbara and Bruce that he was leaving for San Francisco in the morning to meet with the Titans.
“I heading back to the Titans, we have to head to investigate a lead.” He almost whispered the last part.
The line was silent for a moment. “And how long will you be gone Dick?” He couldn’t make out her tone but he could tell she wanted a different answer that what he was going to tell her.
“A month maybe less maybe more I don’t know until I get back.”
“So you’re not coming to graduation then.” She said a little more with intensity.
He sighs,”Look I’m sorry I know I haven’t been around—
“That’s an understatement.” She cuts him off.
He rubs his face,”I’m come to the next event I promise.”
She scoffed,”And what’s that Dickie Bird? You missed Ballet recitals, High School graduation and now college. You missed everything? You and Bruce are not that far apart.”
“That’s not fair, it’s important what I’m doing.”
“You don’t miss Damian art exhibition? It’s or Donna’s new studio opening. You were there for Bruce for a charity dinner two months ago yet you couldn’t bother to call me or even come ten feet to me at the same dinner to tell me you weren’t even staying till the next morning to go out like you had planned for months! You don’t miss anything for anyone else because they’ll be disappointed,but it’s fine to flake on your sister and I’m so supposed to be okay with that!”
“I’m so sorry it’s really not like that, look I’ll make it up—“
“Don’t bother Grayson, for once in all these years I thought for once you were gonna show up for me. I was wrong.” He could hear the hurt in her voice. Before he could say anything else she hung up.
That was Three Weeks ago and they hadn’t spoken.
——-
Tim hadn’t moved from his spot in the window. He turned back towards the room. Damian was sleep in his chair. He turned his attention to his older sister.
He thinks about the last few hours tonight. How things got so ugly so fast.
“Y/n, you’re being ridiculous. It’s a mission in East Asia not strike.” Bruce replied.
She glared at her father. The room was silent. “Do you take me for one of blind followers.”
“Excuse me?”
She leaned down so she was eye level. “I’m not one of your soldiers, and that’s part of the problem isn’t it Father?”
He returns her gaze. “You’re barking up the wrong tree, I may not always be there for you but I’m trying.”
She laughes at him, “When was the last time you were there for me that wasn’t lurking in the shadows, or stopping one of the criminals you created from nearly killing me and thousands of other people.” He gaze never leaving her and his jaw when slack too.
“You sit there and smile for the news and the rest of the world like we’re one Big Happy Family but we have never been.”
Tim pushes his food with his fork. And sighs. She turns to him, “Anything you want to say Tim, we may as well get everything off our chest.”
He huffs,”No but this isn’t going to change anything. “
She grins,”I agree with Tim.” Jason and Dick stare a look and Damian as long stopped eating and is watching the spectacle.
“You do?” Bruce raises a brow at her. She nods again. “Tim’s right, you’re never going to change until you take your last dying breath. Because God Forbid your kids dying own your watch doesn’t register to you that you need to be present more.”
The air in the room was still.
Bruce doesn’t look at her. Jason doesn’t look away but his plate. Damian squirms in his seat and Dick clears his throat.
“I tried to be there.” Bruce finally speaks.
“But you weren’t, and no one is blaming you for that.” Alfred cuts in hopefully to stop the mess from going any farther.
She huffs,”No but I least that would change your perspective of only throwing yourself into harms way every damn night. All of you, it’s like you all don’t even stop to think about yourselves.”
“Sister we are all trained, even yourself.”
“That’s not the point. I’m not saying you’re not capable,” she tone softens,” I’m saying that most of the time you remember that and that’s all that matters. You don’t think what happens if you miss step, you underestimate the villains next move, or what the consequences are for you charging into a mission without a second thought.”
Bruce leans forward,”I know what the stakes are. You don’t think I don’t know what happens if I don’t stop and think about that. You don’t know anything about what I do at night, the were a child and didn’t want this life for yourself.” He stood up and looked at her in the eyes.
“I never wanted you to be apart of that life, I know you couldn’t handle it.”
The boys turn to look at their sister and Bruce.
“So you thought that little of me?” Tears formed in her eyes but anger was the clearest emotion across her face.
“I thought you didn’t need to do what we do, you’re better at what you do now.” Though Bruce thought he was being sincere his tone was more condescending and cold.
“Bruce!” Dick shouts.
“Screw you, you just wanted be to be apart of your image.”
It dawned on him how he hadn’t been able to properly communicate to her.
“Y/n that—
She took off from the table, she grabbed her purse and keys.
“Don’t worry Father, I wouldn’t want to tarnish your reputation.” She slammed the door and charged to her car. Not once slowing down even with Tim calling her phone multiple times and Damian yelling from the doorway.
She sped off through the gates and onto the road.
——
Y/n takes a sharp turn onto the main road and wipes her face with her sleeve. She sob to herself feeling so many things at once.
The sky opened and rain harmed down onto the road. “Great.” She turned on her wipers and lights and continued driving back towards the city to go to her apartment.
She ignored her phone that wouldn’t stop buzzing from calls from her brothers.
She felt like not just Bruce but they also thought so little of her. Maybe that’s why they didn’t want to spend time with her.
She graduated from Gotham University last night with a Bachelor Degree and yet it felt like she was alone. Alfred and the girls came. Bruce had missed the entire ceremony along with Damian. Tim was just landing from attending a business meeting in New York,Jason and Dick already had prior encounters.
She felt like she didn’t really feel like she belong with them. She snapped out of her daze and grabbed her phone inside of purse. She answered.
“Tim please you guys have got to stop—
A loud hoar range out and within seconds she looked to see a large truck. She attempted to move out of his way but it all happened to fast. She took a sharp right turn but the truck smashed head on the passenger side door causing everything to feel like a free fall. Her phone, contents of her purse falling all around her. She herself was jerked all over.
The car was immediately crushed by impacted and began to roll and tumble down the hill until it crashed into several trees.
Tim heard the crash and ran downstairs to where is his brother and Father were sitting in the study. By the tears on his face Bruce stood up and was in front of him.
“What’s wrong?”
“She was hit…the truck…I-i can’t hear her.”
—-
Bruce was racing down the road. Tim was still on the phone but all he could hear was beeping from the car and something tapping.
He stopped with red and blue light came into his view.
The two got out the car but two officers tried to block their paths.
“That’s my daughter let me through.” He order but the officers tried to keep him through but he managed to push the two men and run towards the site. Detective Montoya was at the scene.
“Please, how is she?” Bruce asked. Her expression was anything but hopeful.
“I don’t know Mr. Wayne I just got here, the Fire Department got her first and are working to get her free. As if on time two paramedics rushed down the side with an Orange board with straps. Moments later the returned with three firefighters carrying Y/n. Cuts, bruised and marks littered her body. Her eyes were black and blue and a tube was down her throat with a brack around her neck.
“Is she gonna be okay?” Bruce asked uneasily.
“We’re taking her to Gotham General, she stable but we have to go.” The younger paramedic told him. He turned to Tim who hopped in the ambulance with his sister and Bruce backed away slowly as the ambulance rushed down the street with sirens and light flashing.
He made it inside his car followed them.
—-
The first few hours were a blurry, she was rushed into surgery. Tim sat in the emergency room waiting area until Alfred arrived with the rest of the boys and they were taken upstairs to her room where Bruce was already waiting.
45 minutes later a nurse came in to tell them she was out of surgery. Shortly, afterwards the surgery told them the damages she suffered and she would be in a medical coma for a few days to help with the pain and swelling
And that brings us to the present.
Bruce re-entered the room and took his seat back.
“She’s gonna be okay,right B?”
He nodded. “We hope so. She’s a fighter like us.” He took her cold hand and offered a gentle squeeze. Dick,Jason and Alfred returned as well.
Alfred placed a hand on Bruce’s shoulder,”She is, and now we have to wait for her to fight her way back to us.”
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god-u · 5 months
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there’s just something about when they touch each other or hold hands idk…
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bishopie · 2 years
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AND THEY FUCKED????
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roadkilledthegirl · 9 months
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ok. I’m going to say it.
I love ALL eras of boreo/decklikovsky EQUALLY, and I will FIGHT for EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.
Las Vegas era? Brilliant - the inexplicable teenage love and lust for each other (terrifying and amazing) - caring for someone because they’re the only person in the universe who cares for you, getting drunk and high and altogether plastered together because you’re so traumatized and lonely that you don’t know how to bond with people in any different way and hey, you both like it (a little too much in fact) so why not?? It’s DELICIOUS. this part of the book was just written too well to be put down as “unfortunate” or “less than”. It’s so so so sad and raw and angry and vulgar and and and
And you couldn’t even have post-Vegas New York, Antwerp & Amsterdam without it!! Where would the tension, the longing, the shock of seeing your - best friend? ex best friend? The guy you hate so much because you love him even more ??? Where would all of that come from without such a complex, tangled backstory???? There’s no one without the other!!!!!!
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rosicheeks · 1 month
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🤦🏽‍♀️🙃
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yelenablshop · 2 years
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Help I spend 2 hours on Pinterest just looking at clexa memes
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yuibara · 6 months
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actually I’m not done. think about the fact that nanami and haibara are probably each other’s comfort person
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veone · 1 year
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I can’t handle an different opinion, coming from the person who people are critical or have a different perspective on a topic (because shit don’t only effect you) and can’t let people have that thought and express it without injecting well I as a [identity] see it this way in a tone thats argumentative in a space where if you meet the energy of said person a mod will tell you to stop arguing and possible blocked but nah not fucking corspetrait. The person who started the shit had multiple black people leave a server.
#this is about dollie still I went through the imagine in that neo cities lol cow thread to see if I could find the imagines and screenshots#on their and I can’t which is good#oh wait corspetrait#my bad#minus being trans I don’t have an issue dollie being trans and respect their pronouns it ain’t nothing hard 🤷🏾‍♀️#that my issue main issue with corspe and why the discord was uncomfortable corpse could speak how every they wanted dismissing anything that#that wasn’t just gossip truth in their mind and when met with a differing opinions they’d meet you with an unnecessary amount of intense#energy all while implying that if you disagree with them after a long history lesson that out an ist constantly#you couldn’t have a discussion in corpse was involved or if they popped in and involved themselves because everything black and white in#their book#veone rants#I’m not putting it to rest I don’t care#i never actually sat down and explain why I pissed and uncomfortable fully because I was waiting for yoonie to response to me#she did and is still going over stuff which if fine but I have a single other post to post about corpse trait and I’m done for the day#I’m not gonna shut up because corspe is flipping out and got harassed online I’m sorry they did but their shitty and made me uncomfortable#in a space that so damn critical of everyone but themselves#i know I’m acting a way I don’t care. if I said some shit that wrong I’ll apologize but I don’t think assuming someone is white#is disgusting and horrible#call me white I don’t care
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arthur-r · 2 years
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my heart rate at work right now confirming my greatest fear that i will actually never be able to safely bind!! literally there will be no relief until top surgery!! i want to cry!!!!
#i still don’t know if i’ll literally ever be able to get top surgery also!!!!#because it’s not possible for me to completely cut off from my parents that’s just not going to happen#and i don’t know if there will ever be a world where i can get top surgery and they won’t forcibly shut me out#of their lives. because what i mean to say when i say i can’t cut them off#is that i can’t cut them off without losing my baby sister. and that’s not a trade off i can make#so yeah i’m sure they would happily cut me off themselves if i came out fully as trans but if that happened i would lose one of the most#important people of my life#i guess i could wait until she grows up? but that is a scarily long time from now we’re nine years apart#anyway getting back to the point of this is just. i have heart problems. that might get better when i get older#but they also might not. which has made me nervous about the prospects of binding just because it’s so much in that area of the body#and i had decided that it wouldn’t matter and i would be okay. and that they wouldn’t affect each other#but here i am in a sports bra that’s slightly too small for me. and my standing heart rate is 120!!#which isn’t abnormal when i just stood up but i’ve been standing for an hour and a half this is something different#and yeah im feeling tight in my chest and like i’m going to burst so!! seems like binding will never be an option#i can hope and pray that it’s about how long i’ve been wearing it but i’m scared that’s not what’s going on#hi from 50 minutes later when i’m finally getting around to posting this. it has not gotten better. i can’t wait to get home#this is just. terrifying. though. because not binding is something i do because of my parents and i’m supposed to be able to when i leave#for college. but it looks like that’s not going to happen!! so. good luck to me#this has been a concern of mine for a long time but there’s never been experiential proof#so it’s time to start being upset i guess. sorry for kinda venting about this stuff but just. yeah#vent cw#delete later#me. my post. mine.#ask to tag
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