theo: i am So good at disguising my Homosexuality because i am not even Homosexual so its so Easy for me to just be a Normal Straight guy who never thinks Gay thoughts and loves Women!

boris: we only fucked when we were kids cos we were bored and there was nothing else to do

theo: w hat.!

Just rewatched the goldfinch, so I wanted to say this once again.

I love you, boris pavlikovsky. You are THE cunt.

WHY COULDN'T THEY JUST GET A GOOD HAPPY ENDING AND GET MARRIED AND CONTINUED TO RAISE POPCHYK!?!??!? UGHHHH I LOVE THEM SM AND IT ALMOST MADE ME CRY WHEN BORIS DIDN'T GO W THEO ☹️

There is a part in the goldfinch's book on page 702 where Theo says that the password to his lock in the warehouse is 7522 and that those are the last four numbers of Boris's phone.

Man, If that's not gay, I don't know what is.

Goldfinch sketch by me 🩷🩷

'I Think Maybe You Thought It Was Something Else' - Goldfinch Analysis

I expend so much mental energy thinking about this conversation. Was Boris really being honest here? Did their encounters mean so little to him? Tartt implies it did occur at least once after he began dating Kotku, so I'm not sure his explanation about 'needing girls' holds up. How heartbreaking for Theo, who so plainly adores Boris and has had an ongoing sexuality crisis over his experiences with him for years.

I did read a good analysis about this recently, which highlighted that Boris is a person of action. He is regularly dishonest and hyperbolic in speech, but he acts authentically. Therefore, I think he shows his love for Theo in the way he outwardly behaves towards him, both in Vegas era and NYC/Amsterdam time – he kisses him goodbye, he's the one to initiate all of their physical affection in general, and let's not forget his life advice, 'stay away from the ones you love too much, those are the ones who will kill you,' right before he quite literally risks his life for Theo and was willing to die so he could escape in that parking garage.

Why the aloof attitude about their sexual history, then? What's his motivation for undermining it in this offhand, callous manner? I think there are a few possibilities. Boris is very observant, and sees Theo's discomfort with queerness plainly over the years he's know him. Think about how defensive Theo becomes even just a few minutes before this interaction when Boris asks if Hobie is is partner, much to Boris's annoyance. Or, when they were in Vegas, how put off Theo acts when Boris asked if Hobie was 'an old poofter?' (said light-heartedly by Boris, but taken rather seriously by Theo). I get the sense that Boris suspects Theo is queer and very uncomfortable with it, and so he doesn't want deal with Theo's reaction to addressing their past sincerely.

Another possibility is tied up in Theo as an unreliable narrator. We find out in this conversation that Theo said and did a whole lot that we never heard about from his perspective during the Vegas years, whether that be due to him blacking out or simply because the narrative is framed through his own internalised homophobia. Who knows what he said to Boris about their relationship at that time, blackout drunk, or how his shame and discomfort generally affected Boris? I've always thought the suddenness of Boris's attachment to Kotku strange. He seems perfectly content and fulfilled by his intimate relationship with Theo and then one day is wholly engrossed in this random girl? This could be reaching, but I've imagined that perhaps Theo's unchecked depression and shame about his sexuality became too much for Boris. Perhaps he had to disengage for his own good.

Which brings me to my final conclusion – Boris here is essentially rejecting Theo before he gets 'rejected' himself, because loving someone who is ashamed of their sexuality feels like a constant rejection. Boris has faced a lot of loss and abandonment in his own life. He clearly fears vulnerability and real, lasting intimacy (consider his inability to remain in one place very long, lack of faithfulness in his various relationships, mistrust for anything stable or safe, etc). While he may not have the internalised homophobia in the same way Theo does (he seems fairly easy going and accepting towards other queer characters), his major obstacle to being honest with Theo about how he feels is his fear of rejection and commitment which permeates his adult life. Otherwise, this conversation would just indicate that he does not feel very deeply for Theo at all, which we know is not true. The text supports requited feelings between them that never get properly addressed. One of the (many) great tragedies of this novel.

WAHHHHHHH BORIS WAHHHHHHHHH THEO WAHGGGGGHGHGHHGH THEY DESEREVED SO MUCH BETTER 💔💔

The Goldfinch - Its Different

i just think it’s interesting how a repeating theme in the goldfinch is that love is associated with trust

theo trusted his mother with his whole heart, and the book started off strong by making it very clear that he loved her more than anything

but trust isn’t only what we think of at first, the “i’ll tell you things and rely on you and believe in you to believe in me”. trust also comes in a deeper openness that shows up a lot in the form of drugs and alcohol? which i find interesting? hear me out

for me personally (idk how many people this extends to) i really hate the idea of being drunk or somehow intoxicated/under the influence around people i don’t trust. like i could do anything, say anything, that i didn’t want them to know or see and now it’s done and can’t be taken back. the same applies with me for sleeping, since i sleep walk and talk a lot, though i think sleeping around someone is inherently a sign of trust just for so many reasons.

what do theo and boris famously do around eachother? drink. do drugs. sleep.

theo is a blackout drunk. it’s mentioned several times throughout the book, and especially the fact that he showed boris the goldfinch while blacked out means that he basically surrendered all self control/awareness.

even if consciously theo wasn’t thinking of this as a sign of trust (his alcoholism probably sabotaged that sentiment), inherently his willingness to get drunk around boris is a sign that he trusted him.

that he loved him.

there’s just so many small things in both the vegas era and the later times of the goldfinch that show theo and boris’s trust in eachother. it drives me insane i want to get all of it and write about it but i’m not coherent enough lmao 😭

anyways there is so much where it’s written that theo and boris trust eachother wether directly or indirectly, subtly, symbolically, whatever.

and that just solidifies for me how much love they have for eachother, because love and trust go hand in hand in the book

IDC if Theo and Boris are going to kill each other bcs of their addiction. I will rather watch them suffer and die together than watch them being clean alone. I said what i said.

ok. I’m going to say it.

I love ALL eras of boreo/decklikovsky EQUALLY, and I will FIGHT for EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.

Las Vegas era? Brilliant - the inexplicable teenage love and lust for each other (terrifying and amazing) - caring for someone because they’re the only person in the universe who cares for you, getting drunk and high and altogether plastered together because you’re so traumatized and lonely that you don’t know how to bond with people in any different way and hey, you both like it (a little too much in fact) so why not?? It’s DELICIOUS. this part of the book was just written too well to be put down as “unfortunate” or “less than”. It’s so so so sad and raw and angry and vulgar and and and

And you couldn’t even have post-Vegas New York, Antwerp & Amsterdam without it!! Where would the tension, the longing, the shock of seeing your - best friend? ex best friend? The guy you hate so much because you love him even more ??? Where would all of that come from without such a complex, tangled backstory???? There’s no one without the other!!!!!!

Ansel Elgort as Theo Decker saying the words "conversational russian" in 'The Goldfinch' is MY roman empire.

fic idea but i failed creative writing:

context: they're not together but they have fooled around before and they both know they're more than just friends, post amsterdam, they are 24-27 and travelling europe together

boris (amazingly) convinces theo to go out clubbing with him and he takes theo to a high end gay club in some big european city. theo (mr internalised homophobia) was awestruck at boris dancing in this random club (insert some detailed description of boris under the club lights). then theo gets all jealous and up in his feelings when he realises that boris is being flirted with left and right by much better looking guys. the next bit im debating whether theo should go over to boris and them have some kind of conversation that moves into a bathroom because "its quieter" leading to making out or if boris should go over to theo who's been sipping on the same (alcohol of choice) since they got there and force theo to dance with him which leads to the bathroom which leads to a conversation which leads to making out. i dont know, but all of it will lead to them going back to their hotel, rather drunk. theo starts up a conversation about how boris looked in the club and, after a bit of inner turmoil, how hes seen him his whole life. they fall asleep in the same (albeit cramped) bed even though they booked a double. they pretend it didnt happen of course but after a period of time theo is fed up of pretending he didnt say anything that night. and so, completely sober, at night while driving through the mountains of somewhere or other theo brings it up again. cue heartfelt conversation after boris pulls to the side of the road. they end up moving to the back of the van they had bought and falling asleep on the mattress.

it's just me or boreo (from The goldfinch) give David Bowie and Mick Jagger vibes

"No really. TELL ME MORE” 🎀😻