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tigre-edi-rawr · 5 months

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week 48

what a week. what. a. fucking. week.

i got so overwhelmed with the things i needed to do to excel in my new tasks at work, i skipped doing the habits i wanted to keep for my own happiness and growth, for now. maybe when i finally catch up at work, i will be able to go back at reading books, going out alone and enjoying my own company.

for real, when i was on the other team, i got so many idle hours at work where i got so bored and eventually gotten used to doing nothing. this didn't help my brain to function correctly tbh.

well, anyway, i am just happy about my new team and new work tasks. i am resolving issues raised by users from business every single day, my brain was busy 12 hours a day, which did not help in making a good and long sleep because whenever i try to sleep it feels like my brain is still busy exercising lol

i learned a lot at work.

December 1, 2023:

i woke up early so i decided to go to work ahead of time. i took a lot of time doing self-care before leaving the house to travel and report to our office at BGC.

i bought mango royal, been craving for it so long and finally enjoyed it during my travel from laguna to alabang.

when i was in market-market, i saw an earrings stand. i decided to take a look and buy a pair of earrings but then i saw "FREE PIERCING" and the impulsiveness strikes. i got a helix piercing! been wanting to do it for so long, and when i finally did, i could not be more happier.

work timeeeeeeee, again, i was busy. until i heard the bad news that my ticket got breached. the thing about breached ticket is that our company will pay the business for these kinds of errors on our end. so that is a bummer, fucking ruined my afternoon. but as resilient as i am, i worked hard rather than sulk, iykyk.

THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY: we were having our monthly meeting for the team's performance for the whole month of november. it was almost reaching the end, when they wanted to make a little recognition to a bride-to-be member of our team. some are giving their kind message to the bride-to-be, when suddenly one of the managers shouted "TANUNGIN MO SI DATH! GALING YAN NG LIVE-IN TAPOS NAGBREAK" while he was laughing and everyone laughed in the meeting room.

when i heard those words, i was insanely mind blown. my reaction was "damnnnnnnnnn" with a shocked face, purposely doing the loud voice to make it known that it was not something to laugh nor talk about. my reaction turned the room of laughter and teasing into silence. it was my boss at work who made that inappropriate and below the belt joke, but who the fuck cares? no one is gonna be entitled enough to tell my story without my permission, especially for those people who didn't know even know one bit of my story.

right then, hearing and seeing my reaction, he said "ay titigil na nga ako"

it's not about the fact that i run out of home then lived with my ex-boyfriend. who the fuck gives a damn? because i know i don't. what am i? 12? what year is this? the '90s?

then one fucking comment was irritating me so much, i wanted to fucking punch the person in the face. "para ka talang iiyak na kanina. pero okay lang yan. hindi ka pa okay. hindi ka pa nakakamove on. very fresh pa lahat kaya affected ka pa." PUTANGINA MO GIRL, THE AUDACITY TO FUCKING GASLIGHT ME INSTEAD OF STATING THE FACT THAT THE MANAGER WHO WAS FEELING ENTITLED ENOUGH TO MAKE THE JOKE WAS NOT SANE.

but after that, i go back to my work, do the things i needed to finish. then the manager suddenly sit beside me and apologized multiple times, explaining he shouldn't have done that, it was inappropriate, blah blah. at that moment, i was feeling fulfilled. i did not let myself down by just understanding people and throw aside the fact that i was mistreated. i stood up head high, i was there for myself. the fact that he knew he was wrong and apologized for it makes it more rewarding.

after work, i went out with my friends at work. the bitch got a little tipsy, but traveled back to laguna.

that was it for my 48th week this year. what a mess.

#life #2023

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endorstoiii · 2 years

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My wright #2

I have talked about this here on tumblr several times before, but never under the "my wright" title, so here it goes.

Yes, I am always exhausted for living my life the way it is, for living with my family, for not having a single space and time for myself and so many other things. And today is not different. Right when I woke up I was already feeling so low, and it got worse when my father arrived home. Actually nothing happened, but just the fact that I'm at home makes me sick. As I'm taking this course I basically spend the whole day out of home, which can be very tiring but in my mind it is so much better — cause I'm far from the environment that sickens me.

Last sunday was Father's Day (one of the days I hate the most) and I spent the whole day talking to my sister about my life, about the bad influence of my parents on my life and that I am stuck in life. I don't have a job and it's not because I don't try or don't go for it — feels like there is something bigger preventing me to get a job (and tbh it not only applies for getting a job but anything, it feels like I cannot have anything good, cause something vey bad happens after that) and my sister said that maybe, even unintentionally, my mother prevents me to grow up and walk forwards.

Anyway, the cicle is: I get stuck, I try extremely hard but only get fucked up, I get stuck, I try extremely hard and get absolutely nothing from it, and so it goes... I swear, I am trying. I am trying so hard. Everyday I wake up I am already trying so hard. But I never seem to get anything good. And though I've been feeling a lot better than I was some time ago (like in the beginning of quarantine), though I seem to be calmer and lighter, though I am not constantly thinking about everything and feeling super sad and bad, despite all of that, I get so fucking exhausted. It is super hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel, to keep my head up, to keep my hopes up, to try to focus or wish or wait for better days because they are coming, or any positive/optimisc quote. And that is the point, I don't know what to do when I am exhausted like that. I have nowhere to run, I have nothing to do, I cannot just talk to my parents because, well, they don't hear me. And honestly I am so tired I no longer want to talk to them, I no longer want to resolve things. I just want to be far from this house, that is all. But for it I need money, and I need a job to get money, but I can't get a job because this fucking bigger something is preventing me to it, although I try very hard. So, what do I do?

Honestly, what is the point of living if living is shitty like this?

#i am not trying to catch anyone's attention #i just wanted to put it all out #and tbh i hope nobody ever reads it #but i don't have anyone to talk to and nowhere else to write #cause idk why but i like documenting things here #personal #my wright

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dreamingofaizawa · 3 years

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Moving On

Shouta Aizawa x Reader

*No gendered terms are used for reader

Warnings: Past cheating, angst, fluff, protective Aizawa, Hawks is kinda an asshole

Word Count: 1.1k

Author’s Note: This is a part 2 to Alarm. Tbh I’m not loving the way I ended this. I wanted to make it smutty but I’ve hit a block, I’m having the hardest time trying to write detailed smut for some reason. But It’s alright, so I’ll make a third part that’s exclusively smut. No telling when that’s coming out.

Enjoy~

8 months living with Shouta after Keigo broke your heart for the last time. 2 months set on leaving once you could save enough to live on your own, 6 months staying because Shouta had the room and quite enjoyed the company of an old friend that wasn’t obnoxiously loud or openly kinky. It’s been nice, honestly. He came home late a lot, which wasn’t surprising since he’s a teacher on top of being an underground hero. But he doesn’t smell like someone else. He smells like him, or dirt, or blood or gunpowder or some random mixed concoction from fights and teaching. Not that you cared what he came home smelling like.

You don’t care that he’d pulled your hair back when you’d throw up after drinking your tears away, or that he makes you breakfast even when you insist you do it yourself. You really don’t care that he carries you to bed when you pass out on the couch after a long night. It doesn’t matter that he occasionally compliments the way you look whenever he sees fit, whether you’re about to go out or just woke up. It doesn’t matter that his eyes linger on you when he thinks you don’t notice. You don’t care that he can tell when you’ve had a bad day and guides you to the couch before bringing you a steaming cup of tea and watching whatever movie you felt like watching.

No, you didn’t care. No chance. Not at all.

Today is Sunday, meaning you’re out with Shouta on the weekly grocery run. This particular system was implemented when you’d gone on your own grocery run and had come home with more than you were capable of carrying in one trip, even with your impeccable balancing skills. Shouta’s response was to just go with you to make life easier.

You split off from him once you enter, the both of you going to retrieve your respective items. Somewhere in the middle you stopped dead in your tracks when a big, brilliant red feather floated in front of your face. It flew up and over your head, and you knew who had stopped behind you. You refused to turn around, you weren’t ready to see him again. Not yet.

“Not gonna look at me pretty bird?” Your whole body tensed at the pet name, and the voice that held it. Taking a deep breath, you steeled your resolve and turned to face him.

“What are you doing here, Hawks?” He visibly deflated at the use of his hero name. From the looks of it, he wasn’t here to shop. No basket in his hands that were stuffed into his pockets. Was he watching you?

“I...wanted to see you.”

“You have no right to want to see me.” His wings drooped behind him. He was hurting. Good.

“How have you been bab-”

“No. You don’t get to use pet names anymore. You don’t get to do that to me, Hawks. And if you must know, I’ve been perfectly fine.” You spit out the last part with a bit of venom, intending the aggression in your voice. With a huff you turned to walk away.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have things to do.” Before you could take a step a hand wrapped gingerly around your wrist.

“Please, I...Give me another chance. I…,” Don’t you dare say it, “I miss you.” You turned back around, his chest nearly touching yours and you smelled it. You smelled Keigo. He didn’t smell like cigarette smoke and expensive liquor.

“Ever since you left I haven’t gone back to him. I’ve changed, y/n, I promise! Please just let me love you again. Please.” He was begging. Really, truly begging. But it’s funny, turns out it’s true that you don’t know what you have until you’ve lost it. He realizes he’s lost you, and now he’ll have to realize he’s not getting you back. Before you can open your mouth to say anything, you’re being pulled back by the collar and suddenly your face is in a broad, strong chest.

One that smells like fresh coffee and men’s body wash.

“I don’t think you have any right to even be standing here, let alone begging to let you back into their life, Hawks.” That baritone voice was unmistakable and familiar, the disdain in it not so much. You’d never heard Shouta sound so...angry. Then his voice was in your ear, much softer now.

“Are you okay?” You nod your head and peek up at him, watch as he looks back to the blonde with a hardened expression, his jaw clenched tight, glare intimidating as ever. His arms were still around you, holding your body into his protectively with a hand on your lower back and one at the base of your neck.

Two baskets were forgotten on the ground as the two men glared at each other.

“I’d say we should let y/n decide that, old man.” Before Shouta could get a word in you snapped at him.

“I decided 8 months ago. Now go, hawks. This is your only warning.” You could see, just out of the corner of your eye, as he froze in place with a sharp inhale.

“Y/n-” You pushed away from Shouta and spun around to glare at the blonde. Whatever he was about to say caught in his throat. Then he got defensive. With a trained expression and a quirked brow, he leaned back on his heels.

“So. You left me for the old man, huh. What does he have that I don’t?” Shouta let loose a bit of a growl, but you put a hand up to his chest and he huffed but stopped advancing. In that moment you decided you were going to stick a knife in and twist.

“For starters, loyalty, and honesty.” Without a second thought you twisted your fist into Shouta’s shirt and tugged, smashing your lips onto his. Good lord did it feel good. He was tense at first, but it wasn’t long before he relaxed and tugged your body closer. His lips were soft, just slightly chapped, tasting like coffee and his peppermint toothpaste that you can’t quite handle cause it’s almost spicy. It stole your breath and made your lungs burn, but you just wanted more of him, more of Shouta. You almost let your tongue dance with his, but you broke away and greedily gulped air into your lungs. You didn’t miss a beat, turning your head to Hawks and meeting his golden gaze with your own.

“And he’s a much better kisser.” He was frozen in place as you and Shouta picked up your baskets and strolled to the checkout, a large hand on the small of your back and a rare, small smile gracing the man’s lips.

#shouta aizawa #aizawa shouta #aizawa #eraserhead #shouta aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta x reader #shouta aizawa bnha #shouta aizawa mha #aizawa mha #aizawa bnha #shota aizawa #shota aizawa x reader #hawks bnha #hawks mha #keigo takami #takami keigo

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it9chi · 3 years

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emergency contact hcs

alternative title: it’s been awhile since you two broke up and until now neither of you changed your contact information for various reasons and because of this you are still saved as the emergency contact

kageyama:

kageyama would either be working out or sleeping when he suddenly gets a call from a random number in the middle of the night

say like.. 2-3 am

mf wouldn’t even look at the caller when answering cs its either he got interrupted during his sessions or he got woken up

he groggily answers the phone and winces when he hears loud club music from the other end just dampening his mood a bit more lol

“is this kageyama tobio?” he hears the other line ask

kageyama suddenly sits up straight like wtf happened this time

mind you this mf doesnt even go to clubs so why would anyone in a club or some party area call him let alone get his number

“yeah. who is this?” is what kageyama replies

“sorry to bother you at this time but you are the emergency contact of miss y/n l/n and i’m here to inform you that she is passed out drunk at (club location) so if you don’t mind please pick her up for her own safety”

without a second thought, kageyama agrees and grabs his keys to his car and basically pressed on the gas and zoomed at the said location

he doesnt even realize how worried he was til he noticed how his grip on the steering wheel was so tight his knuckles turned white

even if you two broke it off, he still genuinely deeply cares for you to this extent of picking your ass up at some club doing god knows what

kageyama has probably began overanalyzing the situation and thinking it was his fault on why you were acting like this

when he arrives at the club, thankfully you were still there with the bartender

you were slouched on the bar with shot glasses surrounding you

“i just miss him so much” you cried to the bartender. “i mean i gave him everything! he was my first he even took away my goddamn virginity and yet..” you paused, lips quivering, as the thought of kageyama breaking up with you replayed in your head like a broken record

“y/n” kageyama speaks up after eavesdropping at your little rant to the bartender

you whip your head up and lo and behold, it was the guy who broke your heart. the reason why you’re in this club for the 4th time this week

“t-tobio?” you stuttered, suddenly feeling sober

kageyama cringes at the sight. your hair was all tousled, your eyebags are prominent making it look like you’ve cried for weeks or you had no sleep

but he assumes you did both only making him guiltier

kageyama walks up to you and drapes his jacket over your exposed shoulders

“let’s go home yeah?” he says quietly. you don’t say anything but let him take you home

before you two leave the bar, he thanks the bartender for keeping you safe and sound by the time he arrived (tipping him of course)

you woke up with a killer headache the next morning on his bed with a million questions running through your mind

suna:

you and suna had a rough breakup

there were a lot of unanswered questions and overall you two got toxic real quick just a little after suna went pro

you don’t even know why or how it happened

suna would suddenly come home all stressed and shit and wouldnt utter a word to you and the next morning he’d be back to the suna you once knew

this became a reoccuring thing where it all just piled up and boom! mf called it quits after YEARS being together

and because of this abrupt occurrence in your relationship,

(you’ve broken up a few times before this btw)

he seemed to be genuinely done with the relationship (for now is what you think lol)

so you were the bitter ex girlfriend

tweeting and sharing abt very obvious and shady things abt your relationship with suna n the such

when the twins found out oh boy were they in for a surprise

you kept posting abt being single and free and all that shit but everyone knows whats the jist anyway

you two will come back to each other eventually

suna was also being bitter and lowkey started to talk shit abt ur relationship (only to the twins tho cs suna isn’t THAT bitter)

+ the twins know its bullshit anyway lmfao

cs u also talk shit abt suna to them

back to the story !!

you’ve posted something very uhh you know.. something that you know suna has to come back crawling to you

so you posted on your instagram story abt ur halloween costume for this year

ironically enough u and suna had this halloween pact where y’all would dress up as couple characters and everyone on the tl always found it cute but sadly for now you are single

so you posted a very sexc selfie of u wearing mai’s costume from rascal does not dream abt bunny girl senpai

suna obviously saw this and was salty abt how you looked like that WITHOUT him

so he was mad,,, at himself and at you for some whackass reason

and to deal with his anger, he resolved into practicing volleyball surpass his limits

(mf thot he was deku or smth)

because of this he sprained his ankle rlly badly that he ended up on the hospital

and since he didnt bother to change your contact info, you were still the emergency contact

that means you got contacted by the hospital at 11 pm

IMMEDIATELY you rushed to the hospital cs wtf happened to your (ex)boyfriend

and when you arrived at the emergency room, you see suna sitting on the bed with his leg elevated

“whoops” is what all suna says when he watches you go through a rollercoaster of emotions

you didn’t exactly know if you wanted to cry, laugh or be angry at his situation

laugh cs mf deserved it for breaking ur heart

cry cs u thought something really bad happened to him

angry that he pushed himself too hard for volleyball

you sat next to him and waited for his doctor to tell you what happened and what needs to be done

the doctor basically tells you suna just needs to stay at home til his leg heals before he can start playing again and you just need to be with him to take care of him n shit

nothing much tbh

just missing a lot of practice and you being around again

something he genuinely misses but acts like he doesnt

on the inside suna was glad he just needs to stay at home cs that means he can destress for a little longer and that you were there, maybe he can get you back

#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x reader #kageyama imagines #kageyama headcanons #kageyama x reader #suna imagines #suna headcanons #suna x reader

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soradragon · 3 years

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I have a reauest if you have the time! Shinsou and Reader where Reader isn't scared of Shinsou's quirk and talks to him a lot and Shinsou is like "Nice person? Is this love?" (Tbh, I'd rather it end with just friends, but if you want romance then go for it) PS: Will you write for female characters if it isn't romantic?

Soup To Heal The Aches

~summary~

You were very odd in Shinso’s eyes. A transfer student who’s not even in his class keeps seeking him out to hang out. And you don’t seem to be afraid of him. After finding out you just want to be his friend, he has come to welcome your presence. Making his life brighter. Until one day you suddenly don’t show up.

Thank you for your request my dear @kawayuni !! I absolutely loved writing this fic!! And yes! I’ll write for female characters if it’s platonic like friendship! I also write for characters without reader like for example a fic about baku squad hanging out at the beach for example!

This is a platonic x reader fic but you can also see it as romantical however you wanna see it! ^^

Anyway! Come chat with me about fun things or story ideas! my box and dms are always open for you guys!

Warnings; angst with a happy end!

Shinso x gender neutral reader (in what way is for you to decide!^^)

Check out my main masterlist if you liked what you read!

If you want to be tagged in the next upcomming fic don’be afraid to ask me!^^

Please leave a little comment or reblog to let me know you liked it! I greatly appreciate it!^^

Anyway, enjoy^^

~~~~

You were a mystery to him, an odd, peculiar student, you were so different from the rest, a big contrast to the other students.

Ever since you transferred to UA, you've been stuck to Shinso like glue, going to him with all your questions, sitting next to him in lunches etc. Which was quite strange since the two of you were not in the same class. You could have gone to any of your classmates, some even went up to you to offer their help. Yet you politely reclined most of them and went towards Shinso.

You weren't annoying him or crossing some boundaries of his - you've asked if what it was ok if you sat next to him or talked to him, he didn't mind - it just left him confused is all.

After all, you knew what he was capable of, knew that he could use his quirk on you any time he wanted. Yet still, you talked with him, running up to him when you found him admits the horde of students wandering through the hall only to chat and actually listen to his opinions.

One day, he had asked you why you gravitated towards him when there are so many others you could be hanging out with.

Your response was quite unexpected: Your head had shot up from your lunch, staring at him as if he had just grown five separate heads.

"What..?" you had asked, thinking you hadn't heard him correctly Shinso repeated the question. After a moment of rapid blinking, you started to pout, frowning at your shoes you spoke, "is it so wrong that I just feel comfortable around you? You're nice and easy to talk to, can't that be enough reason to want to be your friend?"

Your words had surprised him, he had to admit. Your reasoning was simple and straightforward, leaving no room for doubt, it left him with a warm feeling. Not that cliche, warm, fluttery feeling characters out of a novel get when they fall in love. No, it didn't feel like that, it was the kind of warmth people get when they finally found someone who understands them, a friend who was trustworthy and wouldn't leave till the end of time.

It was new... but a good kind of new.

A couple of months passed, and he had started to accept the fact that you were his friend now. Hanging out most days when both of you were free.

You sitting in the support class gave you more freedom then Shinso. Thus when he wasn't free because of the amounts of homework he had to do, you would come over to help him out, sitting on his bed while he sat at his desk, mulling over the questions.

While your feet would dangle in a childlike enthusiasm, you gave him some good points and observations when Shinso was stuck, opening his eyes to different views he hadn't thought of before.

Shinso had become so accustomed of you being next to him that he couldn't think of a future without you by his side. Which is why he now was at such a loss.

Normally, you would already sit at your usual table at lunch, waiting for him. But when Shinso arrived at the cafeteria, he couldn't find your excited self waving at him. He checked his phone; no messages from you.

...Odd...

Shinso had pushed it to the side though, thinking you were held up by your lecture and you couldn't message him because of reasons. That had to be it.

He convinced himself that it was nothing and took a seat at your usual table, deciding switch things up and wait for you instead.

Surely you would arrive shortly.

You didn't come...

Shinso was more than confused, a bit hurt even.

Why didn't you show up? Did he do something wrong? Didn't you want to be friends anymore?

His thoughts went immediately to the worst, frowning he pushed down. That couldn't be... Surely there was an explanation.

Slight dread pooled inside his stomach, yet he pushed on. Convincing himself you were just busy a-and forgot to tell him, yeah, that got to be it.

Shinsou ruffled his hair to shake him from his doubts.

A thing you used to do when you knew Shinso was getting stressed, doing it himself didn't soothe him like when you did it. It just felt empty.

Shinso shook his head, deciding to wait and see. You would probably meet him when school ends for your daily hangouts, apologizing a hundred times for missing lunch together.

Shinso smirked, thinking about how he could tease you for making him concerned wait.

But when the time came, you weren't there.

Now worry really started to set in.

Did he scare you off? Surely he didn't, you firmly told him you didn't mind him and his quirk.

Did he anger you in some way? That couldn't be it either, you were not one to avoid someone after a conflict, trying to resolve it instead.

So many thoughts flooded inside Shinso's mind, each one he had a counter for except one...

You didn't care for him anymore, you didn't want to be friends anymore...

That set his mind in a destructive path, all kind of emotions swirled inside of him, he wanted to cry, panic, scream, find you, run away, so many he couldn't keep up.

It hurt.

His chest ached, his brain stopped working, it was just a blank space except for a couple words:

It was his fault.

He didn't notice it, but he had slumped down on a bench, staring at nothing while gripping his head.

Where did he go wrong? Everywhere, of course, why else would you leave. He was broken, awkward and unsocial. You must have gotten sick of his angst, must have gotten sick of his quiet self. Stupid, of course, you left. You deserved friends so much better then he could ever be.

A sudden tap on Shinso's shoulder woke him up, he shot his head up only one word stumbling out of his mouth in the sudden awakening from his trance.

"Huh...?"

It was a student, one he didn't recognize though.

They panted while trying to form words.

"A-are you...called...Shinsu...?"

Shinso stared at the student for a moment, not fully grasping the situation before nodding slightly. The slip up of his name going unnoticed to Shinso.

The student let out a sigh of relief, "thank god, you have no idea how hard it is to find you, I've been searching for you the entire day."

He said after catching his breath, grinning victoriously to himself like he just won the lottery.

"Y/N told me you wouldn't be hard to miss, boy were they wrong! Doesn't matter, now I'll get free food for a week!"

The boy laughed to himself, but Shinso didn't pay him any attention, your name echoed inside his head.

"Y/N..?"

Shinso asked hesitantly, looking up slightly unsure.

The boy nodded vigorously, "yes! They asked me to find you and tell you They couldn't meet up today since they're sick! Aaand... their phone fell in the toilet...That phone still smells like the fish from last night..."

"Sick...?"

"Yeah, there was something wrong in Y/N's food."

"Where are they now?"

"In bed at the campus, dude - hey, where are you going?"

The boy called out with confusion laced in his voice as Shinso rushed towards the dorm without giving the boy a thank you.

His mind was somewhere else, concerned thoughts of you circled around his mind he had to go to you and see if you were ok.

*(*)*(*)*

You were rudely awakened from your sleep by a soft knock on the door. You groaned as you rubbed your heavy eyes, "mgnnn...come in..."

The door was slammed open not a second later - which was not good for your searing headache - a worried Shinso barged in afterwards.

At least he had the mind to close the door softly before rushing to your side.

"Hey Y/N..."

Shinso mumbled softly, brushing some damp hair out of your face.

You squinted up at him, he had a soft smile on his face and a paper bag in his other hand.

"...Why do you look like you've run a marathon...?"

You slurred out weakly, making Shinso laugh, "well, I kinda did," he said, gesturing to the bag in his hand. "Had to get some necessary items to help fix you up. Want some soup?"

Your eyes slightly widened as you watched Shinso turn around towards your little kitchen. (It wasn't really a kitchen, it only had a sink, a small refrigerator and a microwave)

"You don't have to do that...Don't you have homework to worry about...?"

You tried to call out to him, but your voice was too hoarse to make much sound. Luckily he heard you, turning his head to look over his shoulder. Shinso smirked, bringing a finger to his lips, "don't strain your voice Y/N, you should be resting."

Oh, he could be such a jerk sometimes.

"Don't give me that look Y/N, I came as fast as I could when I heard you were sick."

You frowned. "Didn't Taka tell you not to worry...?"

"Heh, he probably did, but I hurried here when he said the words 'sick' and 'you'. It was all I needed."

Shinso chuckled to himself as he put the canned soup in the microwave. Leaning against the counter to watch you.

"And I'm not going until the fever breaks," he said before smirking. "Or when the teachers finally manage to drag me out of your room."

You groaned, burying yourself deeper into the blankets, the only reasonable thing in this room apparently.

Shinso snorted at your antics before grabbing a bowl out of the cupboard when the microwave started to beep. He carefully grabbed the can out of the microwave, remembering all the times he burned his fingers because he wasn't careful enough.

It was too many times for his taste. (You love to tease him about it every now and again.)

Shinso moderately poured - to avoid spilling the hot substance onto the counter - the soup into the bowl, adding a spoon soon after.

Shinso smiled at his creation, satisfied with his cooking skills he brought it to you.

"Wakey, wakey sleepyhead. Got some food."

Shinso said, poking you softly to help wake you up. You groaned in response, sitting up you looked at him with a dazed expression and coloured cheeks.

"Huh...? Waa...?" You mumbled, Shinso snorted at your coherent speech.

"Got food," he said, holding up the bowl as proof. "Can you eat yourself, or do I need to feed you?"

You glared at him, wishing you had enough strength to slap that smirk off his face. But alas, the revenge plan would need to come later.

"...Could you be anymore blunt..." You mumbled under your breath, glaring at the bowl of soup in Shinso's hand.

The man in question just sniggered, offering you the bowl as he spoke, "well, not to fret, you've still got your snark." Your glare had become even fiercer. "That's some good news at the very least."

"...Go to the moon..." You replied after taking a spoonful of soup.

Shinso's smirk got even wider, "I would love to for you Y/N, but first I'm going to take care of you. Maybe try that request again later."

You grumbled under your breath as you continued eating, refusing to look at him. Your blanket was far more interesting than his stupid teasing smirk.

Shinso grabbed a stool to sit next to you, watching as you ate the soup in your hands, continuing to ignore him.

Shinso's smirk turned soft as he watched you.

It felt good, the teasing and comfortable atmosphere hanging around the two of you, he wouldn't have it any other way.

It just felt right.

The dynamic you both have is something Shinso treasures dearly, a friend like you will only appear once in a lifetime. He's glad he's found you, his world has become a lot brighter thanks to your presence.

You looked up from your bowl, which startled Shinso out of his trance. He tilted his head when you glanced towards him with a calculating expression.

"Hm?"

You smiled, "...oh, it's nothing...I was just thinking..."

"Thinking?"

"...Yeah...I think I'm just very grateful you came instead of going to your own dorm...I think...I would've been a bit lonely without you here, so...Thank you for not listening to my advice..."

Shinso's eyes widened considerably, gawking at your smile. Although you looked sick, Shinso thought your smile was radiant.

Yeah, Shinso felt like the luckiest person in the world.

~~~~

Thank you for reading! And keep soaring high!^^

~~~~

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waterbearwaltz · 3 years

Text

Together, Apart

For @kataang-week‘s Kataang Valentine’s Bash 2021.

I swear I tried to write something happy for this, but tbh after this last year all that’s left in me is sadness and pornography. So that’s what I’ve got for you.

Prompt pair: Together and Apart

Summary: Katara and Aang deal with an outbreak of illness in the Earth Kingdom.

Rating: Explicit. | Word Count: ~10k | Ao3

Katara held her hands over the young girl’s chest, focusing the water’s energy into a living swirl of light. She felt chi swell where she held the water, and the skin flushed as blood followed suit. Shae breathed a bit faster, but didn’t stir. She was used to this now, they’d been at it for months. Slowly, Katara felt something like a well filling beneath her fingers, and a sudden rush as the energy began to flow again on its own, unimpeded by tissue that had been dying just an hour earlier.

This was so different from the healing she’d done during the war. Broken bones, burned skin, injuries that she could see and touch and understand. When she’d worked on Sokka’s broken leg, it was like the fragments of bone ached to join back together, they just needed a little push. It seemed so much easier, in retrospect. Then again, maybe those injuries had just been more spread out in time.

Katara sat back on her heels and let out a breath, slipping the water back into the bowl beside her. The sun was just dipping below the tree line, filling the makeshift hospital tent with warm orange light. Her eyes moved over the empty beds, it was the most deserted she’d seen the place since she arrived. An exhausted smile pulled at her lips. “I think that’s enough for today, Shae.”

The girl opened her eyes and shot Katara a mischievous grin. “Can I show you something, Yisheng?” she asked, using the colloquial term for healer in this part of the Earth Kingdom.

“Sure,” Katara replied with the same tired smile. Shae rolled off the mat and onto her feet, slipping out of the tent into the gathering night. Katara stood in the doorway and watched her young patient rock back on one foot and launch into a set of cartwheels with a breathless little shriek.

“Are you watching? Are you watching?”

Katara laughed. “I’m watching, Shae. Be careful though, you’ll tire yourself out!”

“No I won’t I’m completely--” Shae’s argument was cut off by a sharp fit of coughs, and she grasped her knees to steady herself. Katara rushed forward and slipped a steady arm around her.

“Come on, let’s get you home, your mom will be worried.”

Shae leaned on her as they walked, and when she spoke again her voice was breathy but excited. “You know what would help her worry less? if you tell her how much better I’m doing. I mean, if I can do six whole cartwheels I’m definitely healed enough to play with Sonna and Jai tomorrow, right?”

“I’ll talk to her meimei, but we still have a ways to go before you’re better.”

When they’d first arrived in Dei Shung, it was to help fly healers in from the north and distribute aid from the Fire Nation. The reports of illness and unrest in the town hadn’t prepared them for the devastation they found when they got there. Katara and Sokka got the healers set up while Aang and Toph met with the mayor about alleviating the panic that had gripped the town. They broke up frenzied mobs, bent makeshift shelters to replace buildings that had been destroyed, anything they could think of that might help restore order. Toph and a couple of her metal bending students got to work chasing off the bandits who were circling the town like vultures, picking off the weak as they fled.

Sokka was the first to take ill, just a few days after they arrived. For him it was fever, with a blotchy red rash creeping up from under the collar of his tunic. Katara caught it fast, thank the spirits, and sent him away along with anyone else who wasn’t essential. This wasn’t the manageable illness they’d been expecting to find, and it was just too dangerous to have anyone exposed to who didn’t need to be. She tried to send Aang with them, but it was pointless.

“If I was staying, would you leave?” he asked. They both knew the answer to that. His expression was soft, but Katara had learned the subtle signs of his resolve. The slightly furrowed brow, the edge of intensity to his gaze, his grip on her hand just a little bit tighter than it needed to be, as though she might try to physically force him onto the airship. For all the airbender in him, he’d learned to be immovable when he needed to be. So they stood together as the ship left the dock, ferrying their friends back to safety along with anyone healthy enough to pack up their lives and flee.

The next few weeks were a blur. Katara spent all day in the healing tents raking water along body after body, feeling like she was trying to keep an entire town from drowning. Sometimes she wondered if she was making any difference at all. At night Aang would settle behind her in their room, and they’d talk quietly about their days while he worked the knots out of her neck. The first time she lost a patient, she cried the whole night. The next day, she lost three more.

“Remember when you told me about the night Avatar Roku died?” she whispered into his neck one night after she was too exhausted to cry anymore. He pulled away just enough to look at her. Their bed was pushed up to the window and the night was clear and bright and she saw the glint of unshed tears in his eyes. He nodded, brushing hair from her damp face, brow tense with concern.

“This feels like that. Like fighting...I don’t know, a force of nature. It just keeps coming, Aang. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to stop it.”

“No one’s expecting you to stop it alone.” He kissed her forehead and fell quiet for a moment, considering. ”Do you want to leave? It’s ok if you do. I can stay behind or come with you, back to Ba Sing Se, or wherever you want to go.” Another pause, and then, more quietly, “I’m worried about what this is doing to you, Katara.”

She was deeply ashamed that this thought had already crossed her mind, a few days ago at the bedside of a young man about her age. He had broad shoulders and a deep laugh, and spent the first day cracking jokes with the healers and offering his help with the older patients. Then, all at once, it just ripped through him. By the time Katara got to him, there was nothing she could do. Her eyes began to sting again but she set her jaw and shook her head. “I can’t leave these people. Even if I can’t stop this, I have to try. They need every healer they can get.”

He pulled her against him, one arm tight around her back and the other cradling the back of her head. “I love you. And I’m here for you, whatever you need. We’ll get through this, I promise.”

“I love you too.”

About a month after they arrived, Amka, one of the older healers, got sick. They took turns caring for her amidst all the other patients. Her daughter, Nukka, worked on her the most. It was always fastest with the elderly. A quick funeral behind the hospital was all they could manage. Katara asked Nukka if she wanted to say a few words, but she was beyond speech. In the end, they all stood quietly around the grave before breaking off, a few at a time, to return to work. Katara stayed the longest, one hand rubbing Nukka’s back as she sobbed, the other gripping Aang’s so tight it hurt.

The next day she woke up to Aang shivering next to her in bed.

“No” a hoarse whisper tore out of her mouth. She could feel her heart pounding in every part of her body as she ripped the blankets off him and rolled him onto his back. He moaned groggily, fighting to wake up. Her breath quickened. He was usually up with the sun.

There were pins and needles in her hands as she ran them over his chest, arms, neck, checking for the telltale rash. She pushed him onto his side to check his back. Nothing.

“Katara, what are you doing?” his voice thick with sleep.

“This is not happening” she muttered, more to herself than him. One hand pulled the water from her satchel across the room while the other yanked him down the bed so she could straddle him more easily. It started in the lungs, if she could kill it there they’d have a chance.

“Katara!” He caught her wrists and the spirit water dropped, soaking them both. Her eyes snapped to his. He was wide awake now, alert and pale and a little panicked. Her heart was beating so hard it made her head spin and her skin feel raw.

“Fever,” she choked out, suddenly aware she was crying. “You have a fever, I have to--” she shook his hands off hers and pulled the water off the bed and out of their clothing, coaxing it back to a gentle glow.

“Katara, it’s ok, I feel fine. This might not even be--”

“I know exactly what it is” she spat, feeling the familiar blocked energies in his chest, the fluid pooling in his lungs. She couldn’t believe how stupid she’d been, she should have insisted he leave with Sokka and the others. She should have forced him, begged him, tricked him, anything to get him on that ship. Her vision blurred and she impatiently blinked away tears, struggling to keep her concentration. A barking sob came from somewhere, maybe her, and his hands were on hers again, bending the water into a bowl on the nightstand and gathering her toward him.

“No, Aang I have to--”

“I know Sweetie, just take a minute, please.” His voice was thin and had a pleading edge to it that just unnerved her more.

“There’s no time, I need to start before it spreads!” She had to stop to suck in air between words. She felt like she was fighting a battle and losing, struggling just to keep feet underneath her.

“We have a minute. Please Katara, you’re scaring me. Just breath. Please. For me.”

Katara wanted to argue but couldn’t find the air to get the words out. She tried to pull back but her limbs felt thick and numb and her muscles weren’t responding. Another of those barking sobs scraped out of her chest and he lifted himself against the headboard, tucking her against him and stroking her back, her hair, her arms.

“Try to breathe with me ok? In and out. Just match my breath. That’s it. Nice and slow.” Her cheek was pressed against his chest and she rose and fell with him as he breathed. No matter how much air she sucked in it felt like she was suffocating. She breathed anyway, matching his rhythm as well as she could manage. Bit by bit, feeling returned to her limbs, and the vice around her chest began to dissolve. His heart beat against her ear and she turned her face into it, trying to breath in his skin, tasting the sweat on his chest.

“I can’t lose you too,” she whispered into him. He kissed the top of her head.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he rumbled beneath her. “I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m the avatar. It’s pretty hard to kill me. Plus, the best healer in the world is totally in love with me, so I think I’m pretty safe.”

She heard the smile in his voice and felt a hot surge of anger. She pushed herself up enough to see his face.

“I couldn’t save Amka or Aia, or Sammi, or Lee’s twins, or--” she broke off, the dead stretching out before her. She didn’t even know all their names anymore. The anger left as quickly as it had come. She let her head drop back against his chest, as tired as she could ever remember being.

“I know. I know. This is a terrible tragedy. But you’re not a god, Sweetie. No one expects you to save every person who gets sick. But think of everyone you did save. Katara, how many people are alive right now because of you?”

They were quiet for a few minutes, breathing together on the bed. Finally, she reached up and kissed him softly. His face was hot under her hands. “Please. I need to start working on you now.”

“I know. Just take care of yourself too, ok? I’m going to be fine. I’m in good hands.” The way he looked at her with total trust twisted something in her chest. Her throat felt tight and she cleared it to push back the tears.

“Lay down.”

She worked through the day and well into the night. He slept fitfully for most of it as the fever crested and she fought to keep it at bay, to keep the sickness from settling deeper into him. She’d caught it early, she thought. He was muddled, but not incoherent. He couldn’t have been running a temperature for more than a few hours.

Moving over his prone form like this reminded Katara far too much of the weeks after Ba Sing Se fell, and she did her best to seal that thought tightly in the back of her mind. Coming undone again would only hurt him, he needed her calm, focused, and attentive.

He was larger than her now, more difficult to maneuver, but the ebb and flow of his energies felt the same. There was an intimacy here that never occurred to her with her other patients. She was reaching inside him, guiding the most basic systems in his body. Under different circumstances it might have been beautiful.

A day passed, maybe two. Katara grew more and more tired until she passed through tiredness altogether. Being immersed in the rhythms of someone else’s body for so long, it was easy to forget her own. Like after Ba Sing Se fell. No, not that. Here. This. Him.

Finally, when she’d done everything she could think of twice over, she paused, blinking blearily out the window at the rising sun. There was a cold bowl of soup on the nightstand. Someone must have brought it to her, but she couldn’t remember when. She checked Aang one last time and collapsed next to him, grateful for the darkness that swallowed her.

----

Continue on Ao3

#kataangvb #kataangtag #kataang #rating: nc17 #my fic #atla fanfic

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atopearth · 3 years

Text

Ikemen Sengoku Part 11 - Kennyo Route

Honestly, Kennyo isn't my cup of tea but I am interested in how their romance will develop since it seems like such an unlikely match hahhaha. Anyway, it's pretty unfair of the heroine to feel distaste and dread against Nobunaga when he told Ranmaru that if he ever turned on him, he would kill him. Like um, I'm sure that's pretty normal, not to mention that Ranmaru literally ditched his master to save himself which is pretty ridiculous as one of the closest people to him. He's pretty lucky Nobunaga forgave him. Anyway, it's funny for the heroine to think Nobunaga as awful but not blink an eye at how "awful" Kennyo is for killing random retainers or whatever of Nobunaga. But I guess she has to think of Nobunaga as awful to pique Kennyo's interest lol. Anyway, imagining a bunch of warlords cleaning a storage room together is hilarious. But it was nice of them all to participate, and kind of Ranmaru to plan it to cheer her up after encountering Kennyo. Anyway, I wanted to mention that Kicho is hot and probably second to Kenshin for me, I need his route now😭 It was honestly saddening to see Kennyo pray for forgiveness for his future actions and stuff, his story has always been a sad one that hurts my heart to think about since he's someone that can never move on from the past and can only seek out revenge as his reason for living. He hurts and kills others but feels immense pain over it, and I feel like if he got his revenge, he'd probably kill himself in atonement for it all, but anyway, it's nice of the heroine to want to know more about him (even though she doesn't show any of that leniency towards Nobunaga lol).

Although it's kinda funny how much the heroine and Kennyo coincidentally bump into each other, I do like how every time they do, the heroine shows more and more of her kindness and humanity to remind him of the "better" part of people. I think it really helps Kennyo to put into perspective that she is a sort of light to illuminate his darkness that he can't let go of, although technically a nuisance to remind him of his old self and everything haha. Anyway, it's kinda funny how it was "funny" that Hideyoshi was so worried about the heroine delivering stuff herself and he even told her to bring a weapon with her just in case, and it turns out that maybe she really should have listened to him lol! I think it's actually quite sweet that ringing Kennyo's bell led to his pet weasel stealing it from her and essentially leading her to him lol. It's sweet to see them bond, especially when they saved a little kitten stuck up on a tree together, it just felt like Kennyo really was as normal as he should be and as kind as he still is. It would be nice if the heroine can bring out more and more of his true kindness. Aww young Kennyo looks pretty hot! Although the current mature one is much better I guess. However, Kennyo probably would disagree considering everything he has experienced since then lol. It's nice to see a bit of background for Ranmaru as well as Kennyo though, it can't be helped that Ranmaru would be so attached to Kennyo if he's been by his side since he was saved by Kennyo as a child. It's so sweet to know how happy Ranmaru is over Kennyo and the heroine liking each other and Kennyo becoming more soft and compassionate like he once was because of her, but also sad to see that Ranmaru also really likes her. You'll have your route one day!!

I guess it's nice to see how Shingen wants to try his best to convince Kennyo to give up on his revenge on Nobunaga before it's too late. It’s always nice to have a “friend” like that. Alike the heroine, I wanted to cry for Kennyo too when he told her the story behind the bell. I think it's really painful to have to constantly remember how he and his reinforcements were too late to save his comrades, and because there were traps, they had to flee before they could even get to bury their bodies, having only the bell as remembrance of that day. It's sad though, the bell is kinda like a shackle for Kennyo, a shackle constantly reminding him of revenge and all his comrades' pain. Young Nobunaga is cute lol. Anyway, Kennyo being hurt over the heroine's "betrayal" was actually painful enough that I felt like I could feel it, I felt so bad for him. But I'm glad Ranmaru and her both decided that they couldn't let Kennyo dwell in such darkness again and want to save him, it was pretty heartbreaking but the heroine is filled with such hope and desire to save Kennyo, it makes me feel so touched.

I wanna call the heroine stupid for telling Hideyoshi she really did go out to meet Kennyo when he already established it was a misreport, but really it's never stupid to be truthful about your feelings and to be honest with your heart. I guess this really is the romantic ending huh! I think what I love the most is that everyone knows what kind of person Kennyo is, and that's why they believe they can resolve this war peacefully without bloodshed, and the heroine appearing is like the best gift in hopes of making that truly happen. Anyway, I liked how Kennyo felt like he really could at least put things behind for now, and that it was allowed, and that what most people cared about was him rather than revenge itself. It's sad that Ranmaru won't be with them along their journey to all the temples and see how his people are doing, but I think it's his chance to live for himself rather than following Kennyo so I think the parting is important. I liked the ending. Reading Kennyo's PoV and seeing that in the beginning of the route, he moved those dead bodies so that the heroine wouldn't have to feel scared and see them again when she woke up was really thoughtful of him. I think what I enjoy seeing a lot from Kennyo's perspective is how much his people love and revere him. You can really see more of how much they follow him because they love and respect him more than anything else.

It was obvious that either Kennyo or the heroine were going to get hurt and force them to go to the future (in the dramatic route), which is honestly why I don't really like the dramatic ending sometimes, it's just so..dramatic lmao, it is what it is at least hahaha. Anyway, what I'm really enjoying about the dramatic route is the exploration of Kicho as this "evil" guy that has actually actively killed people and tries to stir up trouble for revenge on Nobunaga apparently. He's hot so it's good, but I think what I like about his character is the potential exploration of how being transported to the future and back to the past doesn't always mean you could survive happily like Sasuke, and you're not necessarily fortunate enough like the heroine to save someone like Nobunaga and gain the adoration of all the warlords. Lmao, the idea of Kennyo watching dramas with the heroine in the modern world sounded so cute. It was nice that the heroine got to meet her family and spend three months there before going back though. It was also nice that Kennyo was able to see Hongan-ji and it's teachings still alive to that day, I think that would be very heartwarming and motivational. I also thought it was really nice to see Kennyo and everyone rebuilding their temples and stuff, having Ranmaru there really made it feel like family. Honestly, I think I liked both the dramatic route and the romantic route. For the dramatic route, I liked how...more things happened I guess, so we got to see stuff like Kennyo enjoying dramas with the heroine in the modern world, but on the other hand, I personally preferred the bittersweet ending in the romantic route where Kennyo and the heroine go on a journey visiting the temples and helping the people who believe in him etc. I also liked how Ranmaru decided to find something for himself in that route. Tbh, I don't have a preference for what Ranmaru chooses because I feel like he's someone who would benefit from both? Like, him staying with Kennyo is truly what he desires, so being able to share his everyday life with the kind Kennyo is what he would love to do, but at the same time I also like the idea of him going out on his own to kinda explore this world now that he's stronger and can take care of himself, especially since I think it would benefit him to learn more things that he wouldn't be able to if he stayed so yeah I really liked both perspectives of how Ranmaru's life could change too.

Overall, I really liked Kennyo's route. He's probably one of my favourites actually, because I just love how they portrayed his pain over the loss of his companions and how much he cherished them? I've always liked that part of him so it was nice to see that expanded on, and I think it was really cute how the heroine and him got to bond over just little chats and spending time getting to know each other. Seeing Kennyo so soft towards the heroine and his people made me really like him. Ranmaru was also such a highlight in this route because seeing him respect Kennyo and want to help him made you understand how worth it Kennyo was haha. I guess I just really liked how gentle Kennyo was balanced with how he was burdened with so much responsibility over so many deaths, it just made his story really heartbreaking, but all the more satisfying when he finally got to share in some happiness with the heroine. Both endings were also pretty great. I think if you like the mature, responsible grieving guy that's really kind, you would probably like Kennyo🤣 Looking back at what I first said when I started this route...not my cup of tea my ass LOL, he’s totally my type hahahaha! Definitely a good surprise I guess haha!

#ikemen sengoku

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scintillasofbeomgyu · 3 years

Note

to the anon who had a dream about soobin and rm, ur not alone, it happens to all of us 😭

There was a period a few months ago when i had three very vivid dreams in a row and they starred some of my ult grps and even my bias..............damn this is embarrassing but one of those dreams was one that i remember very well where i was with txt and it was set in a futuristic virtual reality game world, the members were also wearing their outfits for tcc: freeze WORLD photoshoot hA, and basically i was told to choose one of the members as my partner and i chose yeonjun 😃✋🏾 . We talked a lot and the dream had a pretty long time span and we ended up liking each other laughs.

The dream was actually one of my coolest and most creative as it had a system where after every significant moment, a hologram from my watch would appear and give me the option to either, a. Save this memory as a picture, b. Save as checkpoint, or c. Share to friends and family. I found this really interesting when i woke up 🤧 and the fact i took time to think about what choice to make in the dream was so cool to me. (Fun fact: I never chose the checkpoint option until some voice told me to and good for me :,)), cuz me and yeonjun ended up getting into an argument and i said smth incredibly stupid but then went back to before the argument using the checkpoint and was able to resolve it 😭)

It was actually very sweet and yeonjun and i talked about my insecurities, mainly my height, and i still recall it whenever i need a self boost 🥲 ilhsm 😔💔

Hope that made sense and doesnt make me seem weird lol, do you have any interesting dreams to tell?

- 🦇

the world concept photos 🥺 !! also that sounds like a pretty freaking awesome dream 😭 and it's so cute that you got to share all of that with yeonjun (atleast subconsciously Nsnsn) and he helped you feel better :( i also wish we had those kind of options irl ,,, as for me? hmm i've only had a handful of dreams about txt and tbh they're also never really about txt 😭 they're like little flashes/moments. and although the recent gyu dream is on my mind rent free, i really wanna talk about the kai one i had a while back 🧎🏻‍♀️ it was so sweet <//3 we were walking next to one another on a sidewalk or something, and then he wanted to hug me but i teased him and ran away and then he got all pouty and then i got soft and hugged him 😭 why i can't forget it is because it came at a really challenging time for me, and that hug felt so warm and very real 😭

#dreams are honestly so crazy #and interesting all the same #like our subconscious is a wild place #[📬] — asks #[✧] — anons #🦇 anon

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hxseok-honee · 4 years

Text

peripeteia | how the idiots came to be

okay lets get the easy ones outta the way :

- namjoon and y/n deadass met on the train 1st year it was the most boring meeting of them all

- actually im a liar , she was in a compartment already just minding her damn business when all of a sudden

- a feral “YEET” was heard just outside of her door, followed almost immediately by some first year boy hitting the ground like a high-speed sack of potatoes

- all of his shit was everywhere and he was just face down on the ground not moving at all

- like is he dead or nah

- so y/n opened the door to the compartment and went

- “ARE YOU DEAD OR NAH”

- so he responded by rolling over, in the middle of this train hallway thing, and stared up at her for a second before flashing her this cute ass little smile and said

- “i think the world wants us to be friends”

_____

-ok and then namjoon and hobi met bc theyre roommates

-but hobi was kinda spooky bc hes aggressively smart and namjoons like how the fuck did i not end up in hufflepuff

-but then within the first month of classes they had at least two major nerd battles and a showdown in the courtyard about the politics of whether or not a hot dog is a sandwich

- which actually has never been resolved but its fine they fight about it once a year its healthy for them

- and then hobi met y/n bc one time he came back to his room and she was just sitting there talking to roger,, and namjoon wasnt there so he was like okay are you rogers friends and she was whats a roger and roger really deserves better thats all i gotta say

- and then she said smth to him along the lines of “you got a big mouth bro, how many marshmallows can you fit in that thing”

- and jung hoseok never turns down a challenge

- anyway by the time namjoon [who didnt even invite her there] got back there were marshmallows everywhere and they were both knocked out on the floor and roger was sitting in a corner looking very afraid

______

- yoongi and jin met, again, bc roommates

- but yoongi had gifted him a little potted plant as like a “hey we’re gonna be roommates until we leave this place, lets be friends!!” kinda gesture

- and jin was just so confused bc how can one person literally radiate sunshine and warmth

- and he was already a grumpy, sleepy kid so he was like uh thanks im jin?

- and then one time forgot to water the little plant and woke up to yoongi standing over him with a menacing glint in his eye

- he never forgot to water that plant again, its name is Cappuccino and it is doing just fine

- he also actually wasnt a coffee drinker until the middle of first year when he and yoongi really needed to study for an exam but it was 3am and he was ready to fall asleep which is impossible next to yoongi who just breathes naturally produced energy hes like a plant for energy he never sleeps

- so he dragged jin down to the kitchens and convinced a house elf to make jin a coffee

- he convinced her with a plant and his litto gummy smile bc she definitely did not want to give an 11 year old caffeine but she eventually did

- and so CoffeeJin was born

____

- so the hufflepuffs actually met the ravenclaw-y/n trio the day of the Hot Dog Showdown

- after some of the profs got tired of seeing these two dummies argue and actually stir up quite the crowd bc this is a very controversial topic, they made everyone get lost

- but jin and yoongi stayed behind and asked the three of them if theyd ever want to get a midnight hot dog snack tg and continue the battle

- so every friday night they would sneak out as a squad of 5 and just sit in the kitchens talking about random shit

- also they had a precise 35 minutes of that time scheduled for whatever food topic they wanted to argue about that week

- jin and y/n still get into it regularly about the “milk or cereal first” question

- and thats how the older kiddies became friends!

____

as for the younger babies :

- jimin and tae met on the train

- actually they just battled on the train, they didnt really meet properly until they were both sorted into slytherin

- and by that point they hated each other

- “there can only be ONE troublemaker in this school”

- soooo for about a month into their first year the school was a huge mess of them fighting it out

- and jungkook had gotten caught in the middle of their first train battle so he already knew and kinda liked them even though they were snakes and he was a lion

- he just kinda liked their vibe

- so one night on his way to the kitchens he came across them fighting it out in the corridor and just kinda interrupted with a litto

- “uhm,,,, excuse me--”

- and they were like oh shit its that kid from the train that we definitely exploded a pumpkin onto

- “why dont you guys stop fightng and just work together?? isnt that more fun”

- can you imagine a little jungkook with a big ass coconut head just kind of casually interrupting a battle between two rabid slytherin idiots and suggesting they work TOGETHER

- bc jimin and tae laughed their asses off

- and then they were like wait a minute the coconut has a point

- so basically jk is responsible for their entire relationship not fate im calling it rn

- and they just kept bothering him after that tbh until he said fuck house discrimination im gonna be besties with some slytherins

____

- okay before we get to yoonkook lets talk about y/nkook theyre adorable

- they met bc gryffindor but really they met bc y/n was this cool older girl that was never hanging out with anyone in her actual house and instead was friends with a bunch of ppl in other houses

- and jk was a very shy babie before the thing w jimin and tae, so he had a hard time making friends

- and y/n did actually notice this bc he ate alone and did work alone and would only hang out with two troublemaker slytherins from time to time

- so one day she invited him to sit with her and the older bois during lunch and he was like ???? me?????

- so he just sat there with his head down and was like eating quietly and kinda listening to them talk and kinda responding to y/n when shed talk to him but really he was quiet and didnt really look at anyone bc he was like why are these second years asking me to eat w them im scared mom come get me

- and when he was done eating his sandwich he was like ok i should go do hw or smth so he was gonna get up

- but then a little hand reached out and put another sandwich on his plate and then a little voice said “dont leave yet !! you barely ate, and lunch isnt over for a while -- stay and talk to us?” and when he looked up

- oh boy we love a yoonkook meeting

- he was staring at the cUTEST BOY HED EVER SEEN HE ALMOST EXPLODED

- and from that moment on, jungkook was Obsessed

- and kept asking y/n to sit with them during meals so he could talk to yoongi

- so over time he naturally just became one of them

- and then at some point jimin and tae were like he ABANDONED US

- and tried to confront him but it was in the middle of one of jk’s creepy stalking moments so jk just

- took them with him

- that day, yoongi had three stalkers

- and also caught them

-and he was just like “oh hi friend !! and other friends of friend !!”

- and it was so cute that for like a week jimin and tae were ALSO obsessed with yoongi

- but theyre not very sneaky so yoongi kept catching them

- and eventually was like “hey do you guys wanna sit with us at lunch??”

- and thus the group was Born

#peripeteia

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msiopao · 4 years

Text

Sera with the Members

a/n: mark is in this because dream is now a fixed unit and he’s part of the lineup!!!!!!

WATERMELON ADDICT

was the person who made Sera comfortable since he reminded her of home

always asks if canadian bacon is better than american bacon

‘i dONt kNoW, sERa! mEAT iS mEaT!’

she didnt actually cry on stage when he was leaving but she cried when it was just the two of them and he recorded for the last time

it was her idea for hyuck to buy him a big bottle of ketchup

CANNOT believe that mark was a churchboy and ends up acting up in music videos

the duality SCARES her

calls her finny since her name is serafina

sera has her own room but she has an extra bed so he sleeps in there when he spends the night

learned this watermelon shake to help mark’s hangover

english all the time

ever since they met, mark has always placed his elbow on her head due to her short height

sera learned this fried rice recipe from her mom and he goes over to their dorm for breakfast

‘mark bls dont touch anything. get out of the kitchen and go watch tv or something’

always brings up his messed up eggs

‘gordon spitting facts tho’

whenever he feels too overworked or too pressured, sera has always made it a point to come over to their dorm and have a movie night with just the 2 of them with his favorite snacks and drinks

LONJIN

omg these two

sera is typically not mean but when renjun starts, she becomes ruthless

always calling out his fake personality

‘everyone, don’t believe him! he’s 2 faced!’

‘what are you even saying! you act like you’re so quirky and giggly but you yeeted jisung into the wall last night!’

‘YAH!’

so yea, they fight a lot

but its very playful and they know where that line is drawn and not cross it

he talks to her about space and aliens and she listens to every word bc renjun sounds so confident and happy whenever he talks about that stuff

they’re actually 10 days apart but sera acts like she’s 10 years older than him

‘IS THAT HOW YOU TALK TO SOMEONE OLDER?!’

‘okay, granny’

always in awe whenever renjun draws and paints and she really likes seeing him in his element

unbeknowst to her, he actually draws her a lot

wants to frame all of his work

they go out to the roof and stargaze

he steals her airpods just to watch her go crazy

once hid her phone in the fridge

lives for his vocals

cannot believe how much he’s grown from chewing gum era to now

her heart strings were tugged when he cried in dnyl

renjun always says that he wishes sera was born as his little sister bc they act like they’re siblings

EYESMILE PRINCE

hmm

so their is kinda complicated

sera’s closest to him than all the members bc 1, he was her first friend and 2, he has cats

before, when they still went to school, her and jeno always went together

yes, jaemin and jeno and her went together in the beginning

but jaemin was in the hospital and recovering so it just became them 2

also, she goes to visit his parents so she can see his cats

this results to his parents and older sister adoring her

‘bongsik, nal, and seol are my kids’ - lee sera, 00 line vlive

she always craves for attention and when it isnt given bc he’s too busy playing, she just walks into his room and sits on his lap while he plays

tries to get his attention by saying stuff but he teases her by acting like she aint there

‘fine, i’ll go to jaemin’

jeno wasnt supposed to be blonde for the comeback but they were just messing around and next thing they knew, jeno’s tips were bleach blonde

when shes on that,,,, time,,,,, hes the only one in the dorm she listens to

not even johnny, who’s practically her father

collabs with her mukbang show and jsmr

he mentions her like at least once whenever he has lives that she’s not in

steals his glasses all the time just to watch him wander around with this confused adorable face

hugs are so cute w these two and czennies see them hugging in videos and she can barely reach his shoulder

forehead kisses and sweater paws for daysss

NANA

drop dead gorgeous boy

shes not safe from jaemin’s affections

*cue jeno glaring at him for stealing her*

we all know how much he loves the members and whenever sera breathes, he busts his uwus

takes so many pictures of her

sera buys him lots of lip balms and carmex but he always forgets to put them on

sera hates peaches but she buys him peach flavored sweets whenever she sees them

‘NANA!!’

sera is also an attention whore so she always runs to him and wraps her arms around him and he squeals by how cute she is

bought him an expensive camera for his birthday

has a polaroid picture of him in her clear phone case

actually, her phone background is an old picture of predebut sera, jeno, and jaemin

one of the rare moments where she cried was when she found out that jaemin wouldnt be in a few comebacks bc he was sick

kept visiting him and jaemin cannot repay her enough

the dorm is full of ryan and winnie plushies from the sofa, a tiny winnie plush on the corner of the island counter, and their bedrooms

sera is the one who always throws away the his satanic drink even though it’s still full

‘yah, you need to think about your health and if it your body is tired, dont fight it by trying to drink these to keep your energy’

sleepovers with them are often and sometimes found sleeping on the spare bed in her room

FULL SUN

our big babie

oh boi when he got hurt

sera called him twice a day, one in the morning and one at night, just to check if it’s still hurting and making sure he’s resting

forever remembers when he dressed up as a girl

‘you see, i’m not the only girl member. dongsuk is just on hiatus right now’

his name on her phone is ‘man-child’

when he went on tour with 127, she really missed him

like she missed him so much that she kept posting on instagram for him to hurry back home

still mad that he moved dorms to be with the older members

when sera got sick, she made him sing ‘no longer’ to her like a lullaby

when he asks sera to do something for him, usually she says no because he asks her to do ridiculous things but his aegyo always convinces her

thinks his color amblyopia is so fascinating and adds more into the unique traits he has

another attention giver and she loves hugging him because he gives really warm hugs

one time, jeno and sera had a fight and it got so bad that hyuck had to be called and he was the only one who got to talk some sense in sera to talk to jeno

but the legendary markhyuck summer fight was resolved because sera yelled at them and cried since they are best friends and they shouldnt be like that to each other

they made up since ‘wow sera cried’ and ‘the members are ready to beat us up if we continue this’

and by members, like all members, including the older ones

sera knows how much being the moodmaker title burdens him so she tries to ease that burden by talking to him just the two of them

DOLPHIN CHILD

look how adorable he is UWU

he is 1/2 of sera’s sons

like she’s whipped for him and jisung and he knows it too

‘noona~’

‘yes, i will give you the world, the stars, and the moon’

thinks his laugh is endearing and is sad that it isnt that high-pitched anymore since his voice got a little deeper

cannot believe how much he’s grown too

when he speaks in chinese, sera thinks its the cutest thing

‘can we give his scalp some rest? its not healthy for the boy’

trust fund babies

you know how chenle has 3 airpods?

sera went through 4 phones since she keeps losing or breaking it

dont ask how bc shes as clumsy as namjoon

had this phase where he wouldn’t stop back-hugging his noona and she just left it alone

always buys him snacks and cooks him a lot of food bc she thinks he’s too skinny and wants him to be healthy and gain some fat on those cheeks again

on their break, she went to china with jisung and her lock screen is a picture of her and chenle holding his nephew

triggered her baby fever

czennies ship them but he makes it clear she’s the older sister he’s never had

nct dream took a vacation to her hometown and she bought them basketball tickets so chenle could see his idol

his mom practically adopted her since she goes over to his apartment all the time whenever the others are getting too much for her

she misses him so much its not even funny

JISUNG PWARK

our maknae is growing up :(

sera had the whole family sit and watch the first episode of dancing high

so proud of her boy

she called him during the show and it was shown and heard about her telling him to take care of himself and to not be too hard on his body and that she’s waiting for him at home

as the youngest member overall, sera babies him the most

he obvs takes advantage of it and she used to cuddle him to sleep when he was younger bc he had a hard time sleeping

again, cooks for him a lot since he’s a growing boy and making sure he takes vitamins and drinks water and limit sugary things

she calls his mom to give him updates about her son

remember his phone that he used until it actually died?

sera actually bought him a new one before that happened and just casually gave it to him

‘i know this was going to happen so i just took care of it. i have to take care of you, jisung-ah’

hypes him up whenever he dances bc wow this boy is actually talented

doesnt really like skinship but he tolerates it when she holds his hands bc theyre so much bigger than hers

one day just woke up and she got so confused when jisung grew up

‘did you grow in your sleep?’

‘n-no?’

loves his awkward nature and she keeps saying how adorable he is and cute he is whenever he acts cool

god, she’s just so whipped for him

but tbh, who isn’t?

aaaahhhhhh i cannot believe our wish came true and they became a fixed unit and we really getting a comeback and an mv in the 29th!!!

#nct dream #nct #nct 22nd member #nct dream 8th member #nct au #nct dream imagines #nct dream imagine #nct dream scenarios #nct dream scenario #nct dream 8th member au #8th member of nct dream #nct 22nd member au #22nd member of nct #nct dream female member #nct female member #nct female addition #nct dream female addition

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aloevendetta · 4 years

Text

the senior trip

ok so this is my first stray kids fic, i didn’t rlly edit it but i hope you all enjoy! 💕 this is jock! hyunjin x fem! reader, also a friends to lovers au of sorts :) ft the 00 line

On the last week of school, your best friend Felix came up to you and begged you to go on a road trip with him and his friends

After an entire day of insisting that you were “one of his best friends” and that he would “die without you”, you caved

His best friends were a wildly varying group of seniors at the school, some of which you were friends with, some of which you barely talked to

Hyunjin was the cliche jock

He literally could play ANY sport and be amazing at it,,,

You were slightly envious of him but you wouldn’t let him know that

And then there was Jisung

He wasn’t the most book smart, but when it came to music he was a genius

Nobody really knew since he kept it quiet, and only the chorus kids and his music theory class knew about his hidden talent

Again, you were jealous

Seungmin was that kid who could manage several ap classes like a champ

Also one of your best friends

He was kind of sassy at times but sometimes you just needed good ole Minnie to let you know you were being stupid

Seungmin and Felix openly discussed this road trip all through the school year but you never thought they’d ACTUALLy do it

“Hey y/n, Wanna come on our road trip?”

“Yeah, sure ‘lix.” You’d say, brushing it off as teasing

Until THE LAST WEEK

“Y/n, you’re packed for our trip, right?”

WHAT

HOLD ON

“Did you forget?”

“I-I didn’t think you were serious? I’m not sure if I want to go, I have a lot of plans this summer and I kind of want to relax and-“

Seungmin then plopped down onto a bench at your lunch spot, clapping a hand on your back

“If anyone needs to relax, it’s me, and this trip is the perfect chance. We’re going to a resort!”

how were you supposed to get out of this now ( ಠ ಠ )

“My mom-“

Felix shot you a look

“Y/n, YOURE 18!!! You can go without your mom’s permission”

“Let me think about it.”

The rest of lunch Felix and Seungmin dropped it

After lunch was over, the avalanche of questions started

You were solid in your decision until Felix added you to a group chat

you kept telling yourself the only reason you went was the spam

But Felix and seungmin both knew it was because of your silent pining of hyunjin

Aka the super gorgeous super talented super sporty super nice super smart best friend of your best friend

it was ALL FINE UNTIL

Hyunjin: y/n, you HAVE to come with us :(( it won’t be the same :(((

CRAP

from across the English classroom Felix watched your resolve crumble as you typed

Y/N: ,,,,, when do we leave

Never did you think you’d end up here, though

Jisung’s VW bus had broken down

(EVERYONE knew it was only a matter of time)

So now you sat crammed between jisung and hyunjin in the backseat of Felix’s car

Felix’s tiny car

His little

Puny

Honda Accord

Despite insisting Jisung took up little to no space and that it was far smarter for him to sit in the middle

he insisted that his knee had been bothering him and you should instead

being the little demon jisung is

He was laying with his head against the door and his feet pushing you closer to Hyunjin

U were rlly warm but it definiTELY wasn’t the car, just u :)

U were awkwardly pushed up against the dude you had a crush on all of high school

And you knew the 3 other boys in the car had planned it

When you glanced in the rear view mirror you were met with Seungmin’s grinning at you and a snort from Felix

You didn’t really mind though because Hyunjin was super sweet and didn’t mind you being that close to him at all

Instead, when jisung KICKED you over toward ur crush

And you PROFUSELy apologized

Hyunjin just laughed and said

“It’s okay! I’ve been around him my entire life, I’m not surprised, honestly”

(∗∕ ∕•̥̥̥̥∕ω∕•̥̥̥̥∕)

At some point during the ride you fell asleep and when you woke up on hyunjins shoulder

Saying you panicked would be an understatement

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry I can’t believe I fell asleep on you, oh my gosh Hyunjin you should’ve woken me up and told me to move I’m so sorry”

“Y/n, it’s fine, I promise I didn’t mind.”

Yeah that made you feel somewhat better until you felt the dried up drool on your chin

GREAT

Anyway, you guys had arrived at the resort you were staying at

felix and seungmin weren’t mean enough to make you room with hyunjin (tbh you’d die)

(also that’s too cliche let’s be honest)

though the moment the door shut and you threw your suitcase onto the suitcase stand, felix and seungmin were hounding you

“you slept on him, y/n”

“see we told you that you wouldn’t regret this”

“we’re the best wingmen ever”

“what would you do without us”

it took a sharp glare from you to get them to shut up but they were still snickering

after you unpacked, felix and seungmin shoved you out the door with jisung and hyunjin in tow

it was your job to buy and cook dinner apparently

when you got to the store you put jisung in charge of dessert and hyunjin was in charge of the vegetable

you had the main course

unsurprisingly, jisung came back with box of cake mix and funfetti icing

hyunjin, being the healthy he is due to his sports diet, came back with a microwave veggie bag

you were making one of your favorite dishes, maybe not the healthiest, but that was never a criteria for dinner

when u got back you put the boys to work

and surprise surprise

they protested as u told them to boil water and start making their food items

anyway, after u got them to actually start working (by promising you’d buy them the next game they wanted for felix’s switch), dinner quickly was served

u made a fancy pasta dish that was irresistible >:]

and you’re proud to say there were no leftovers

after you and the boys finished cleaning the kitchen, hyunjin approached you

“y/n, i’m gonna go on a walk to burn off some of the unhealthy stuff in that meal. i cant be looking puffy or gaining weight” he joked

“but if you,, uh, want to join me...?” he asked, smiling sheepishly

hyunjin was talking about BURNING CALORIES while you sat on the couch in pj shorts and an oversized shirt, watching tv and playing on your phone

ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ really wanna make us feel healthy today, huh?

but it was hyunjin, so you got up, shoved your phone in your pocket and slipped into some shoes and went on a walk with him

he walked really fast, to be honest

you were jogging to keep up with him,,, and u were the one who wanted to do less exercise,,,, >:////

hyunjin would look back at you and laugh as your dragged your feet, wanting to take a break

“y/n~ we’re here”

“y-you took me somewhere? damn it, hyunjin, we could’ve taken the car (；¬д¬)”

“but that’s no fun!”

his puppy dog eyes made you sign in defeat before taking in the surroundings

hyunjin had led you to the resort pond reserve, where little ducks would swim during the day

at night, the onlt light pollution was from the city several miles away, and the stars reflected perfectly off of the calm water

“how’d you know about this?” you asked ur ‘workout’ partner

(like u could ever survive a workout with him)

“i saw it coming in and i thought you’d enjoy it. you were too busy sleeping on me but you mentioned stargazing sophomore year.”

ok 1) he thought of u

2) he remembers what you said about sophomore year

3),,, he brought jusr you?

could,,, could ur crush like you?

“i know jisung also likes stuff like this so i invited him but he didn’t want to stop the game he was in,” hyunjin added

and thus, the hope left

he just did it as a friendly thing, hyunjin was always friendly

you sighed and sat down on the grass, not really caring about the mud or grass stains

should,, you tell him?

it could ruin the rest of your trip and cause awkwardness between your friend groups and ruin your friendship with hyunjin

or he could (very unlikely) like you back

in which case,,, what do u do?

hm.... the logical choice was obvious; the first

screw logic though

“ah, hyunjin?”

he glanced over at you, shaking his bangs out of his face, but failing and spluttering to fix it, “yeah?”

“i dont want this to make anything awkward or whatever and i know this is really stupid because you’re you and i’m me and i like you but you’re all sport-y and handsome and girls love you and every one of those girls are prettier than me but i mean i couldn’t help it felix and seungmin tease me all the time and i got sick of holding it in because there was the off chance that maybe you liked me back but now all of this is coming out of my mouth and i realize how stupid i sound”

you cast your gaze down and played with. a strand of grass

“you like me?” hyunjin asked, earning a nod from you

“y/n.... i’ve liked you.... for the longest time, i thought you only saw me as a popular jock like the rest of my team or that you saw me as a brother or something...” his face went from shocked and morphed into a huge smile

you listened to him and your own smile formed before you tackled him into a hug

“oh gosh, i was so worried this would go badly. what will we tell the others? they’ll never let us out again” you laughed softly

hyunjin stood up, helping you up as well

“we don’t have to tell the others, they’re not stupid. for now, you’re here with me”

you scoffed at that. “ohmygosh, you’re so cliché-”

hyunjin cut you off with a kiss, and you didn’t really realize it before he pulled back

“was that ok? i didn’t mean to overstep any boundaries, i just, i dont know i just thought that maybe-”

you cut him off with a quick kiss on the cheek before grabbing his hand

“we gotta get back to the boys before they think we died” you smiled brightly

“i suppose youre right. what would we do without the mom friend?” he teased, letting go of your hand and wrapping his arm around you as you both walked home

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semi-anonyme · 4 years

Text

November 3, 2020

12:05pm

I woke up at 7:00am today and I knew a few things: 1.) I would buy a Vitamix and begin to make smoothies every day 2.) I would stop holding onto the past 3.) It would be my last entry on this tumblr

Today, it is Election Day. I am very much hoping Joe Biden will win, not just for my sanity but for everyone’s sanity, for a little hope in humanity’s fight against the allure of anti-intellectualism, scapegoating, its growing tolerance of hate.

I remember the last election day, or rather, the evening. We all thought Hillary would win uneventfully. I remember my colleague dipping out of work early to go to the Javits Center to celebrate her victory. I remember watching in disbelief from my basement computer, walking upstairs with my eyes wide and jaw dropped. “Are you watching the news right now Mike?” “Yeah, Trump is in the lead. It looks like he’s about to win Pennsylvania (or was it Michigan? Or Wisconsin?)” I walked to bed in disgust, woke up in disgust, confirmed my disgust.

There was not one conversation I heard on the train or in the street that day that didn’t involve Trump. That night, I drank alone at Three Diamond Door. I still remember the buff black dude sitting in the corner downing Bell’s Two Hearted IPAs.

Anyway, election day 2020. I’m going out to vote in about 2 hours. I got today off. Thanks, progressive companies.

I’ve had a lot of internal discussions with myself on here, published them as blog posts. I have timestamps to remember them by, I’m glad. In the past ~8 months since the pandemic began, I’ve gone back to a lot of my entries -- oh, this is what it was like in the beginning in March. Oh yes, May, I was indeed watching a lot of K-Dramas, it was getting hotter. Ahhh yes, I did learn a lot about not having the city as my crutch.

Just in general, on this blog, on the countless loose leaf papers in my journal, I’ve had these battles about meaning. This blog pre-dates seeing Jody my therapist, who I’ve been seeing faithfully for over 1.5 years now.

I could go on. The point I’m making rn in this last entry is this -- all that stuff is in the past, it was important, I internalized it. Now it’s time to move on. I’m glad this exists, these 450 entries exist, they exist with a purpose. But now? I know who I am, what I want to be.

I have no dilemma of engineering vs artistry. Now that I’ve been away from loud bars, I have no FOMO about the nightlife. It’s kinda just time to start from scratch, this knowledge.

I just created a new tumblr, domo-knows. I’ll likely have a companion YouTube channel in the future. Anyway, a few and somewhat ambiguous bullets for myself since, you know, this blog was always just for me.

ON THINGS I’M LEAVING BEHIND ACTIONS 1. Random drinking. Today, I’m going to buy an Other Half Finback IPAs, pop them open around 8pm and start watching election results. I’ve gone into detail before about drinking, but just to sum it up, drinking alcohol is the one thing I can say captures how complex and funny it is being a human -- how we use it socially, justify it, cling onto it, how it becomes tangled up in our highest achievements and our most shameful insecurities. I’ve consumed alcohol for these various reasons in my life:

a.) I was avoiding doing something difficult b.) I didn’t want to be alone in my room, and preferred the loud chatter of conversations and music at a cramped bar c.) I did not trust my social abilities sober, so I drank alcohol because I’ve never known anyone who has not liked me when I’ve had a couple (when I’m shit-faced, another story) d.) To hook up with a girl e.) I was bored f.) I was about to do something boring and wanted to make it more exciting g.) Because it was a beautiful sunny day, perfect for a beer on a patio h.) Because it was a cold and dreary day, perfect to brood over a Manhattan i.) I was lonely j.) My life was going too well, I wasn’t used to that, and I needed something to question k.) My life was going poorly, and I needed something to cheer me up for the evening l.) I needed to make a decision, so I drank alcohol and wrote in my journal and came to a good decision that I stuck with m.) I needed to make a decision, so I drank alcohol until I no longer cared, and the decision was punted off until the next day n.) I I needed to make a decision, I thought a drink or two would jigger my thought process, but I ended up getting distracted by something my drunk self was interested in, and the decision was punted off until the next day I’d come up with more but they’re all just variations of that and who wants to read more of that? 2. Eating sugary sweets, justifying it by saying I have “an addiction” I actually never cared for sweets until high school. Most birthday cake I had was gross, my parents bought Chips Ahoy or Oreos which tbh aren’t all that great, and I was never exposed to really good pastries until I was in college. In high school, I dropped a buncha weight entirely too quickly and I ended up with a fats and sweets “addiction” that I’ve “had ever since”. This is a common thing.

I’ve held it close to me mentally -- my “sweets addiction”. I didn’t question it, it was something I just had, something to hang onto for the rest of my life because I fucked up when I was younger.

But as I’ve gotten older, I understand that these things -- addictions -- serve purposes. They keep us comfortable in what we deem to be true of ourselves. They (poorly) provide temporary breaks from incessant mental gymnastics/fatigue. Anyway, blah blah, big sweeping declarations, blah blah, I’ve done that all before. But when I woke up today, I knew I would get a Vitamix like I’ve been talking about for years, and I made a decision to stop holding onto this. I always eat 2 meals a day with a wild west assortment of things in between, cake and cookies and granola bars and Halloween candy. Now, 2 meals and a protein smoothie/juice.

Let them muscles grow bb. Feel good about my body, treat it like the fucking temple it is.

3. Dicking around on the internet I enjoy reddit. I enjoy wikipedia. I also end up on these sites when I’m avoiding other major responsibilities and uncomfortable feelings. I know what I want: it involves a lot of deep practice. I could read about programming all day and I’d be fascinated -- you know, the history of Silicon Valley, Introduction to the Rust Programming language, new JavaScript frameworks, discussions on HackerNews about The Best Way to Build Something. But nothing beats getting your hands dirty. Nothing beats poring over source code, running into strange errors, resolving them, moving on, over and over ad nauseam until lo-and-behold, you are an expert.

I can read about music, listen to raps over and over, but nothing beats analyzing a verse over and over and actually hearing the syllables landing on, falling behind the beat.

I’m here to structure my day. I know what I want. Expertise, pride, and know-how. A differentiated skillset so I can collaborate with other differentiated skillsets. Good taste, a feeling of belonging. All that shit, all I ever wanted but didn’t know until recently. THOUGHT PATTERNS 1. FOMO What is it with being a human -- a Man, especially (sorry is that sexist, but also, not sorry) -- that makes us believe that everyone has everything we have and more? That we are the base model without power windows, and everyone else is an upgrade? I love going on walks in New York City. I love riding the trains in New York City. But while some of this love is healthy spectatorship, much of what I’ve engaged in is unhealthy envy.

I’m done with that though. I know what I like. And I know I have a dope life. And I know that I’m a good person to know, that people may have different qualities than me but I also have different qualities from them. I’m cool with my small close-knit friends. 2. INDECISION I kinda expanded on this above. I know what I want, and all questioning I’ve done (especially recently) has been my effort to save myself from doing the work, save myself from having to declare what I am. 3. ENGAGING IN FEELINGS OF BEING LATE I am 31 years old. This is something I know to be true: there is a 13-year old who can program circles around me. There is a kid who can play a rendition of Misty on piano so soulful that it’ll bring a tear to my eye. There is nothing, technically (as in, technical expertise), that I can do that can’t be done by anyone else. But I do believe in my taste and I do believe in my life experiences. And I do believe that whatever I create can only be mine, have my signature, and I think that whatever I create in this world that I’m proud of is going to be good. That’s a fact, and I’m going into the future with that as a fact.

Farewell, semi-anonyme Anyway, I was going to write more but I wanna get going, more to do. I’ve got some work to do, some voting to do, some writing to do, some planning to do.

I love you all. See you on the other side.

#self #text post #semi anonyme goals #farewell

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

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So as of now I can officially say I woke up today feeling like crap but only in a physical way, and in every other way I feel weirdly more like myself than I have in almost two years at least and that’s pretty sexy of gummy-toothless-me.

Maybe I’m just weird, or idk, its just that something just finally HAPPENED, y’know? Like, I can handle crap. The thing I can’t handle, and never have been able to, is just.....being stuck in Limbo. Give me a light at the end of the tunnel, and I can power through pretty much anything pretty much no matter how long I need to power through to make it to that point, but trying to tread water just like, indefinitely...that’s what fucks me up and drains me endlessly and makes me just a bitter fucked up mess, because like.....its like okay remind me why I’m doing this again, oh yeah, cuz I just gotta hang in there for that....thing....that supposedly is going to happen....at some point....so that there’s more to just existing than just this....at some point....maybe...LOL. Yeah. Not a whole lot to work with there, and that’s kinda what its been feeling like forever and a day, with a whole lot of inching forward towards vague indefinite plans I could never put an actual time or date to.

And yeah there’s still a lot more to go before all of this is totally resolved, I still don’t have a definitive date for when the prosthetic joint will be ready and I can actually get the final surgery to fix my jaw, but like......up until even just a week ago I was angsting hard about not even being sure THIS was even going to happen because there have just been SO MANY delays and false starts and things not happening when they were supposed to happen that like. Literally it was only at 9:30 yesterday morning in the surgeon’s office that I finally was sure THIS at least was finally for sure happen, that it was paid for and there’d be no fuckery from my insurance company, no moving things back because the surgeon decided this wasn’t the right plan all of a sudden, and tbh even when going under sedation at the start of it, my mind was half convinced I was going to wake up afterwards and be told they couldn’t get everything and had to tackle the rest at another time.

But now, even with the jaw pain and related issues still going to be around until I get that final surgery on the books and paid for and taken care of, I just....already, I feel more like myself than I can remember feeling in ages. I hate just being...reactive, I’m not GOOD at being a reactive person.....I basically only really have two real settings, proactive and just....hanging around until I CAN be proactive and tackle an actual plan to change things about myself or my life, and I can only handle the latter for so long without anything changing, and I hit the expiration date on that way fucking back.

So yeah, I’m laid up in bed for pretty much the next month at least, I have no teeth but I do have a super sexy lisp that’s just ssssssssmoking hot of me, all the stitches in my gums feel like the itty bitty Pointer Sisters on parade and they all gotta new attitude, and I’m completely dependent on the friend putting me up to like....keep me well stocked in Ice Cream, the Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner of One Very Strange Champion. But fuck it if I’m not blitzed out of my mind happy at the moment, and its not even cuz of the good drugs and you gotta take my word for it because what my swollen face is doing doesn’t LOOK like grinning madly, but it totes is, I promise.

Yeah, it all fucking hurts at the moment, but like, every single one of my damn abscessed and nerve-damaged teeth has BEEN hurting, for a year easy, and I’d been dreading this just on the pain front cuz of how much the surgeon and everyone else had been warning me this was just gonna SUCK DONKEY KONG SIZED BALLS for like, the last couple months building up to it, but I’ve been so used to bad-news-no-breaksies for two plus years now, I kinda just went ‘oh no, not donkey kong sized balls, that sounds terrible’ and completely forgot that my Me Scale is not like Other Peoples’ Scale, and after icing all yesterday and waking up today with all the numbness worn off, it was like....huh, oh okay, this is not so bad. Still sucks, don’t get me wrong, but like, not as much as I was expecting, and certainly nothing I can’t handle, and most importantly, the sucky part of this is DONE, its already HAPPENED, which means there’s a TIME LIMIT on this suck, and once I’m done healing from it with the healing process actually having already started, like, it WONT suck anymore or hurt unlike I was afraid it was gonna keep doing indefinitely, up until the very moment this finally got underway yesterday.

So yeah. Maybe I’m just really fucking weird, lol, okay there is no maybe, I accept that, but REGARDLESS, today is a good day. It is a Super-Sized Ow, Wtf Day, but it is also a very good day and one of the best I’ve had in literal years, and I’ve got a month of pain and healing ahead of me but also a month where I’m also not worrying about keeping a roof over my head day-to-day and just.....whatever, its off to an awesome start by my standards which weird as they may be are really the only ones that matter here, so Jot One Win down for The Month of No Teeth, and that’s that on that.

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spinblue · 4 years

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On Sonic during forces into IDW Comics, and a tiny insight on after

this is barely even a headcanon? I just wanted to get out all my thoughts on Sonic’s thoughts from these events, since it impacts my Sonic a lot.

Honestly, it’s like my usual rambles just like times ten so if you choose to read, I’m sorry in advance aowineaw But gosh, it’s dumb long and was more just to get it out of my system than anything and is completely good to ignore tbh.

—

Also, keep in mind that everything I describe here is just my default view on what happened. If you rp any character core to this and want to talk about things going down differently — I’m all for that too!

—

Sonic wasn’t excessively physically tortured during his captivity during Forces. His imprisonment wasn’t dramatic or really anything. For the most part, he just sat in a cell with his arms and legs shackled.

However, it’s not like it didn’t negatively affect Sonic. If you had to describe Sonic in one word — after fast — you would say free. Sonic is the embodiment of free will, and that very core part of him was taken from him, and he couldn’t do anything about it.

It’s not like Eggman would have allowed him to go out and stretch his legs, and after his entire life of being able to run whenever he wanted for as long as he wanted, this was a harsh change to adjust to. He was just so restless.

Because not only was he stuck against his will in one place ( and this was the fastest thing alive, living embodiment of freedom, unable to so much as walk ) — but everyone was out there fighting for their lives and he couldn’t help.

Eggman made sure he was kept up to date on the progression of his expanding empire. He showed video feed of destroyed villages, trampled forests, and of so many people scared, hurt, and losing all hope.

It made him angry. Angrier than he has gotten in a long time. Angry enough to turn into Dark Sonic on a normal day — however, Eggman was smart. The cuffs used to chain Sonic also drained his chaos energy, and Sonic was kept weak. Alive and well enough to not fall into sickness or anything, but weak. It didn’t help that Sonic didn’t get a single restful night during his captivity ( not due to anything Eggman did directly, but Sonic just couldn’t let down his guard for even a second ) and he would do whatever he could to escape, trying to gather enough momentum/strength to break the walls, break his cuffs, anything. It left him more battered and bruised than anything Eggman himself directly did.

—

Being imprisoned for so long took its toll on him — though he didn’t allow himself to feel it at the time. After all, once he was rescued he was immediately taken into the thick of things, and he had an entire war to help win.

Plus, he was Sonic the Hedgehog. He wasn’t the resistance leader — Knuckles got that role covered and Amy took on whatever extra was needed ( and boy was he relieved for that. Because for once people weren’t turning to him for guidance and instructions. he wasn’t the one in charge of millions of people doing what they can do take their planet back ) But, he was still The Hero ( people still looked at him for hope. for inspiration. for the opportunity they waited so long for ) He felt the pressure to act like nothing was wrong, that six months — half a year — of imprisonment was not enough to bring him down. And that they were all going to be okay and that they’ll finally win and bring an end to this whole mess. ( and somehow push past even when people were dying all around him. when so many have already died while he was sitting in some cell. and what kind of hero? what kind of hope? was he when all he could do is watch as so many good soldiers civilians died to protect him )

And you know, the easiest way to convince others of something is to convince yourself, first. Sonic fell into his role so wholeheartedly that he repressed the past six months. Pretty much instantaneously, too. Not giving himself any time to really process anything even after the war.

—

Despite his best attempts at repressing things, it wasn’t like he was just magically unaffected by what happened to him.

It was in the little ways he changed after the events of Forces.

He, more than ever, just couldn’t sit still. Before his imprisonment he’d be up for relaxing and be perfectly fine doing things cloud watching, but it was bad for a while after they won the war. He immediately left afterwards during the end credits of the game, after all. He made his rounds to say catch ya later to his friends, and then took off. And just, kept running.

He would be running, taking care of stray badniks, and then go to the next town, and repeat. and repeat. and repeat.

It wasn’t a conscious decision, but this was his way of making up for his six months of doing nothing. Of being so useless while people out here suffered through six months of war.

Not only was he itching to run, but he was itching to help. So he just couldn’t get himself to rest properly when there is still so much to do. So many people to save.

He went on like this for a long while.

—

Eventually he crashed. And he crashed hard.

It was messy, and it felt like all the tiredness that he’s been ignoring all this time dumped onto him at once. He also slept for almost two days afterwards. He woke up plenty of times during those two days, but would sooner or later drift back to sleep because he was just so tired.

Afterwards, that weariness was still heavy in his bones ( and at this point he half believed it would never leave him ) but he felt more relaxed, at least. Less like he was in a fast fall down with only seconds away from impact, and more like a slow ( a bit harsh ) trek up. Honestly, it didn’t feel like much of an improvement to Sonic at the time, but it was still better. And he desperately needed better at the time.

—

And that brings us to the start of IDW.

Sonic running around and saving towns from badniks ( though nowhere near as frantic as he was at the start )

Sonic, again not consciously, but still he pulled away from his friends for a bit after the events of Forces. He was just so focused on doing what he could do help, of feeling the oppressing need to do more, that he forgot to check in with people like he usually would have.

But after his crash one of his first realizations was that he misses his friends. He made the decision to try and track them down, but he ran into Tails before that. And then it lead him to bouncing back around his friends so it worked out in the end.

Seeing his friends again cheered him up, far more than he would have expected it to. It also reminded him that he wasn’t in this alone — something he would have normally never forgotten, but things just got so cloudy for a while there.

Hearing about Tails’s worry of Sonic being defeated again struck something in him, and it made him feel guilty for being the cause of his little brother’s distress like that, but it also made him strengthen his resolve to do better. To do better for Tails, the world, and himself. To be the Hero that everyone always proclaims him to be.

Too bad instead he causes an apocalypse.

—

Before I let this dumb long post r e s t, I just want to say one more thing about why Sonic just was so adamant on Eggman being Mr. Tinker for good, and why Sonic thought letting Metal Sonic go was a good idea.

Because it’s more than just the fact that Sonic believes in second chances ( though that also is a large and important factor ) Sonic truly believe that there is good in everyone, after all. And he will always want to bet on that bit of good in even the most evil villain.

But, it was also just because Sonic was tired. That deep seated exhaustion that hasn’t left him since his imprisonment just flared and all of a sudden Sonic just wanted everything to end.

He wanted to stop this constant back and forth. He didn’t want to fight Eggman anymore, he doesn’t want the world to be in constant peril every few months.

He was so, so tired, and finally — finally a chance for things to change for the better was in grasp. For the first time in a long, long time, Sonic could see a future where there wasn’t constant danger looming over their heads.

Because if Eggman truly was reformed, then there was no threat of an Eggman empire. ( once they stopped Metal Sonic, anyways )

And, with Eggman gone, it was the best chance for Metal to change, too. Because with Metal stripped of everything that made him dangerous, what threat was he? The only ones who could have fixed him was Tails or Eggman himself ( who at the time Sonic still believed to be Mr. Tinker ) Metal could go out and really experience the world himself, and again, because Sonic believes there is some good in everyone, he just figured that bit of good in Metal would finally be able to surface.

Too bad Metal tracked down Eggman instead.

It was dumb, and way too idealistic of Sonic, but gosh did he want peace so bad. And when that small chance of obtaining it appeared, Sonic just latched onto it with all he could. He wasn’t thinking about it being too good to be true. He wasn’t thinking about all the things that could go wrong. He just wanted that peace.

—

But as we all know it didn’t end up the way Sonic hoped, and it’s safe to say Sonic majorly screwed up.

He’s going to be dealing with that guilt for a long time, and that faith that he so willingly gave will be withheld just a tad bit more.

It’s been one misstep after another for Sonic, and he’s struggling to find his footing again. Because he’s trying. He really is. It’s just, not going the way he wants it to and he doesn’t know what else he can do????

He wants to stop letting people down.

#i promisE this is the last headcanon like post until I get my drafts done #like seriously #no more #I need to STOP #smh #➟ ᴀꜱ ꜰʀᴇᴇ ᴀꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡɪɴᴅ [ Headcanons ]

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jessicahambys · 5 years

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charmed reboot s2 rant below the cut!

so I finished the first season of charmed reboot, started season 2, and got so upset half way through I started typing a rant about the changes that got too long I deleted it. but now a couple hours later I’m still just So Upset I have to type it out. I’m not watching the second season because the changes are too great. the new showrunners really did press reset on the show wow. I’m gonna miss lucy, niko, and parker. they really stripped maggie & mel both of their powers and their main supporting characters didn’t they? cause really niko and lucy don’t seem like they’ll be coming back since they’re attached to the old setting, and it’s a longshot if jada and parker will return from wherever they each went in s1 now that the new showrunners are changing everything.

I don’t mind hacy, but as a non-shipper from s1, the fact that they are suddenly shoved in our face with sexual tension and dreams despite the fact that 3 weeks ago in canon macy lost the man she loved, really just confuses me and turns me off? i would have preferred a slow burn for them, since I really didn’t see much (if any?) indication that these two would become a Thing until that last episode of s1. like I know they had sentimental moments, but harry had sentimental moments with all the sisters. and when the show tipped over to macy/galvin come the second half of the season, i followed along with them. in fact, coming into watching this show I knew people shipped harry/macy and was prepared to see a lot of them in s1, but was thoroughly surprised at how little I got from the pairing (personally I got more from harry/maggie dynamic), that when they seemed to hint that harry had feelings for macy in the last episode, I was surprised. they really leaned into macy/gavin and harry/charity in s1, that now that they’re leaning hard and heavy into harry/macy right off the bat in s2, I’m just a little blindsided by it. I’m okay with the ship, I just don’t like that they seem to be leading the way with the plots this season, that this dynamic in particular is so big in the show already given that there seemed to be little lead up as to why it is that way.

I also hate that maggie’s not in school - we saw her struggle with that decision in s1 before deciding to become a pysch major, and now because they’re moved to seattle she’s just like nah, no school just gonna be a receptionist to carry my weight? ugh. I hate that! I hate that all her plots from s1 are basically gone come s2 (her empathy abilities, her relationship with lucy & kappa, her confusion over pursuing school, her love for parker). I hate how this random assassin has moved their lives entirely, and I hate that they used that to move them from their home, because when they inevitably defeat this foe at the end of the season and can come out of hiding, we all know they won’t be returning to hilltowne.

also, how are these girls supposed to protect all witches if only 1 of them have their powers? I know they’ll get their powers back eventually ofc (tho I hope it’s the same powers they had in s1 and not new ones - that’d just be another thing completely changing for no real reason other than that the new writers want CHANGE! so bad they’ll literally take away the powers the characters spent a whole season learning to channel) but I’m not a fan of maggie & mel being totally helpless while macy retains her demon abilities (new abilities tbh? we never saw her burn shit before, the most her demon abilities did before was evil sight, give her a new language, and gave her access to dark spells - nothing as active as what she’s got s2). in s1 I felt macy kinda Took Charge the most and had the most active power and thus was the one most involved in the fights/wins (mel’s time stopping was great but not Huge in action scene potential, really macy took the lead there). Now it’s just even more blatant that the girls can’t do anything without macy, and I don’t like that.

I’m just thoroughly upset of the new direction of the snow. I know the first season was fast, plots were resolved within 2-3 episodes and it was a lil cheesy, but I enjoyed it. it was light, and fun, and when a plot came around that I didn’t much care for (harry’s son, for instance), I knew they wouldn’t drag on, which I appreciated. I also really really enjoyed their array of supporting characters. lucy was a standout - everytime she came on the screen you knew fun things were going to happen, her dialogue alone being enjoyable. niko felt important, the whole rewriting history storyline was emotional, and her relationship with mel felt soulmate-y, and I hate that we didn’t get a proper resolution to the end of their relationship (literally what was that? niko woke up from her coma with all her memories right? she clearly still had feelings for mel, and she was aware mel was a witch now - a secret that was drifting them apart now revealed. by all measures they should have been moving closer together following these revelations to niko, instead mel just gave her a wave goodbye (niko still wearing her magic-resistant ring), and disappeared? and niko’s just cool with that??? especially since everyone beilives they all died, niko’s a pi who is aware of the dangers of being a witch for mel - surely she must not believe she’s dead right??). parker was maggie’s first love, their love akin to that of star-crossed lovers, what with him being a demon and her a witch, and how much they fought for each other. their relationship was essential to the overarching plot in s1, and at the end of s2 it’s v v clear they still very much love each other despite parker’s need to gain control over his new full demonness. tho he promised to return when he regained control, I’m nervous with the new showrunners, they won’t bring him back, and if they do, it’ll be in a love triangle fashion he might lose with the introduction of jordan as maggie’s new li (I feel like it’d be just like the new runners to prefer their own li over someone leftover from s1, despite how much that s1 li developed as his own character and came to be important in an “I’ll always love you” way to to maggie).

I’m just upset over all these new changes, and I’m not a fan of them in the slightest. I’m feeling the same way as this reviewer here for the most part, and I’m just not happy about it, because I thoroughly enjoyed season 1, and was excited at the possibilities moving into s2 with the charmed ones leading supernatural forces far and wide (especially excited to see new pixies since chloe was so cute) in hilltowne, I normally don’t have any problems with dark shows, but with such drastic changes all the way through, not just in tone, but in setting and relationship dynamics as well, I just have little to no appeal in watching anymore. anyways, I had to get this down and share bc I’ve been binging this show these last few days and getting so into the relationships and characters, and was so excited to watch s2, that being so thoroughly disappointed and shocked come watching s2 just really surprised me and I wasn’t prepared for it, so I had to rant

#y liveblogs #charmed reboot #charmed #no hate to any ships bc tbh im cool with all the ships on this show #except jordan/maggie im not down #this got so long wow #im just so sad over it #i really love maggie and parker and lucy and niko/mel and kappa stories so #seeing all the major aspects i loved of this show just stripped away hurt #eSP their magic - maggies in particular i really enjoyed #maggie basically is my fave so seeing the majority of her plots from s1 be totally stripped away for s2 especially hurts #anti charmed #i guess? i loved s1 im just not liking s2 at all

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