#i will say though that his whole 'memory issues' thing is ACTUALLY making me mad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yellowhollyhock · 4 months

Note

I noticed in the episode samurai tourist people like saying how intuitive mikey was in noticing the role that Leo plays. But here’s the thing is it felt like he was defending Leo’s shitty behavior and telling Donnie and Raph their feelings aren’t valid. Also wasn’t Raph the first to notice Leo was fighting something else? The only reason Donnie and Raph were so hard on him at that is point is because Leo was being drill Sargent Leo to them except Mikey so of course Mikey had no issues with angry mode Leo because he wasn’t getting trained to death by the guy and yelled at. So I saw that as Mikey making excuses for Leo’s behavior all season. It feels like the logic of your mom defending your dad being an asshole. oh your father works hard to provide for the family! Don’t be so hard on him for drinking and yelling at you! Nice logic there Mikey Don and Raph had every right to be mad at that point.

Oh there’s all kinds of family politics going on during that arc

I think the main reason Mikey was defending Leo is because he’d just had training from him in Grudge Match. Also possibly he didn’t want them to be talking bad about him in front of guests? Almost like, yes this is an issue but let’s not do this in front of people. Which is thoughtful in a way, and immature in other ways. Which makes sense because Mikey is both thoughtful and fifteen.

Raph and Don have put up with a lot from Leo, and Mikey was shielded from the brunt of it. At the same time, Leo does go easy on Mikey for a reason, the two of them have a special bond and giving in by admitting his attitude is not okay might feel like a betrayal to Mikey? So yeah I do think he’s defending Leo’s bad behavior, and not really being fair to his other brothers in that moment. The whole family is trying to work around Leo’s demons though, they aren’t always going to make the right calls.

As to your point about Raph—yeah he seems to have picked up on the most the earliest and that’s why by Samurai Tourist he’s Done defending Leo’s behavior. He’s been patiently on the sidelines trying to let Leo work this out for himself and it hasn’t been working. It’s time to jump out in front of his brother and make the demons go away. Except he can’t because it’s not that type of enemy. This is the first time Raph hasn’t been able to reach Leo when he needs it, and that’s why he’s airing things out with Don. I think part of him hopes Mr. Fix-It will have some kind of solution the rest of them haven’t seen.

Meanwhile out of all of them I don’t think Donny’s trying to help anymore. He’s just tired of being yelled at and glad to have Raph’s ear about it. What they’ve all just lived through with Shredder’s defeat was very uncomfortably close to what he saw in SAINW. Probably literally everyone picked up on that except Leo, bless his heart. So we’re seeing both Raph and Mikey try to do their best for Leo here, but I think in their own (imperfect) ways also trying to look out for Don. Raph wants to confront the problem head on and Mikey wants to keep everyone happy in the moment. Neither of those things is truly an option, though.

I had a sibling go through her own type of Big Leo Arc and I remember these exact types of fights. Getting frustrated with each other when our approaches didn’t match up. With something like that going on, you have to be able to Treat Them Like Normal and make good memories in the middle of the chaos, and you also have to sometimes do what it takes to Dig Things Up so they can actually heal. I think we all tried both at one time or other and rarely were we on the same page. That experience definitely influences the way I see this arc (doesn’t make other readings less valid btw, just makes me extra obsessed with the family dynamics through those episodes).

I hope I kind of addressed what you were talking about? Short answer, Yes agreed let’s go easy on Raph and Don, they’ve put up with a lot already, and they’re not picking on Leo they’re trying to help (mostly. They’re definitely also mad but can we blame them?). Personally I’d take it easy on Mikey too, he reacted in a flawed way to a sucky situation. I think when people bring this up it’s mainly because they see that Mikey Is emotionally attuned and looks out for his brothers, but most of the time he does that through humor, which leads to him being treated as comic relief, in the show and sometimes in fandom as well. So I can see why Mikey lovers would want to use an example that doesn’t lead to a Comedic Moment, even if it isn’t necessarily the best one.

#tmnt #tmnt 2003 #2003 raph #2003 donnie #2003 leo #2003 mikey #mikey negativity #not like for real but if someone has that tag blocked they might not wanna see this #and in the same vein #leo negativity

9 notes · View notes

kiss-my-freckle · 2 months

Note

The hate Elena gets from Bonnie stans, especially the ones who ship Bamon, as well as Caroline stans makes me so mad. Bonnie stans say Elena is a bad friend for even becoming friends with Damon even though Bonnie was Damon's best friend and they wanted her to date him. They don't hate her for that. Bonnie knew as much as Elena did about the way Damon treated Caroline since Caroline told Bonnie that Damon bit her and she didn't understand why she'd let him do that, with Bonnie also finding the situation strange, but she didn't threaten Damon over his treatment of Caroline like Elena did immediately. Bonnie stans say Elena is a bad friend for saying while laughing "Why, so you can give it to Damon?" to Caroline when she asked Bonnie for the crystal even though whenever Caroline asked Bonnie for the crystal she acted annoyed and didn't show concern for Caroline at those times and she never threatened Damon in season 1 over Caroline or outwardly showed the same level of concern as Elena did. I think it was unnecessary for Elena to laugh while asking Caroline that question, but I don't think she meant to aim disrespect at Caroline, but found the situation ridiculous. Regardless she shouldn't have done that. Elena also didn't know at the time Damon could compel Caroline to get the necklace for him since vampirism was new to her and when Stefan discussed vampirism with her 2/3 episodes before he said Damon compelled Caroline's memories. She didn't know compulsion had the power to do more than influence memories because Stefan never told her nor did she ever witness it and vampirism was new to her. Stefan never said Damon compelled her to be okay with being fed on or to do anything else. Elena never saw Caroline being compelled either while Stefan did, so keeping all this in mind she had no reason to think that Caroline was mind controlled into getting the crystal. Elena did want Caroline to be happy after she was mistreated by Damon so she and Bonnie were happy seeing Caroline with Matt in the next episode even though he was Elena's ex. I felt bad for Caroline and how she felt like the odd one out after the trauma she faced, but I think it would've been easier for them to communicate with each other if Caroline didn't have issues in how she spoke to them before vampires came into their life. They were all young and new to the whole thing in season 1. I think Caroline exhibited good development in building closer friendships, becoming better at communicating, and becoming stronger overall. But I don't like how much Caroline and Bonnie stans misunderstand and are hypocritical against Elena.

I consider Elena the best out of all three. That's despite the fact that I love Bonnie more. Elena is their golden character. She's capable of building a friendship with Damon because of her character traits. It took Bonnie and Caroline into season 6 to see Damon the way Elena saw Damon in season 1. She's not as self-righteous and judgy as Bonnie and Caroline are, but more understanding and accepting. I consider Caroline more of an elitiist, so I consider her worse than Bonnie. I view Bonnie as Elena's unbiased opinion. Like Matt, the friend she should listen to. Caroline is just as self-righteous and judgy as Stefan despite moments when her insecurity shines through. Like Stefan, she is the kind of person that would consider herself better than Damon. It's because she's no better than Damon that I laugh when she becomes a vampire. She tells him that he sucks for what he did to her, then literally sucks the life out of an innocent. Girl needed to welcome her monstrous side because all vampires are monsters.

Half of what Elena knows about vampirism, she actually learned through Damon. That's why half of her discovery scene at the end of 1x5 was Damon-specific. He was the one that wanted her to know their truth while outwardly stating, "Stefan finally fessed up." In fact, Damon is the reason she was smart enough to tell Jenna to stay away from Logan because he was begging for a home invite. I think fans fail to realize which characters know what and when. Anyone who truly saw Damon would know that he is the way he is because he loved who he loved. It reminds me of a Blacklist quote. "Once you cross over, there are things in the darkness that can keep your heart from ever feeling the light again." No one spends 145 years in darkness without being deeply affected by it. It actually becomes part of their personality.

Damon's comment about Elena never abandoning him is one of my favorites in the series because that's the kind of person she is, and there's no competing with that. It's what makes her better than Stefan. Better than Lexi. Better than Caroline and Bonnie. I view her as more god-like, in the knowing that good doesn't exist without bad. She saw Damon beneath his facade, climbed over every wall he built and made herself at home. Everything Caroline is to Stefan, Elena is to Damon. That's why it's best to listen to Stefan's speeches to Caroline. Like 6x22... and his wedding vows. That's what Elena has been for Damon since the beginning. I started liking Caroline in late season 5. I always liked Bonnie because I saw her potential.

3 notes · View notes

marinerainbow · 1 year

Text

You know what? I'm gonna post something that I really want to post. OC x Canon. And today's ship?

Poppy O'Hare x Psycho Weasel. Or, as I like to call them,

~Pocho~

(This post is purely for serotonin purposes. If you don't like, please just move on)

Tagging: @slashingdisneypasta

(I'll probably edit this later. I wrote this while I was tired)

How they meet

Honestly, I'm still trying to figure that out. Poppy lives Downtown, as I imagine the weasels do as well. Or at least are most notorious in. So the chances of her really developing any relationship with the members is slim to none. Especially with their nature compared to hers; she most certainly wouldn't approve of the whole dipping toons thing.

I've got a few ideas of how Poppy and Psycho officially meet, but nothing is set in stone. Which is frustrating to me XD How it ends? Well.... We all saw the weasels die. That'd be the canon ending... But this ain't canon, this is the wonderful world of fanfiction.

Headcannons and tidbits

They'd kind of have a similar dynamic/energy that Jessica and Roger would have. Complete opposites in almost every way, the more level-headed one with the zany one, people would be questioning how genuine their relationship is, etc.

They're both horror toons, so even outside of my ship for them, I'd like to think that they would at least have a sort of understanding of the other's position. Though while Poppy was made to be the victim in horror cartoons, Psycho was made to be the villain; they'd be two sides of the same coin.

Don't get me wrong. He still does creep her out from time to time, and they may not have the same morals. But, she does try to be patient with him still.

Poppy would have actually fallen in love first, but would have been too scared about ruining their friendship to say anything, and didn't expect him to even be interested in romance (he wasn't before, but then she came along). But Psycho didn't have that fear, so he was the one who confessed first, after realizing he got feelings.

She would stick to the classic pet names, like Honey, Sweetheart, Dear, and would affectionationately call him Chocho if she was in a more playful mood. While Psycho usually sticks with nicknames related to her name, like Pop. He also calls her Snap Crackle Pop when she's mad.

Even with their vast differences, they still have interests that can unite them. They can be seen in the kitchen talking about the worst diseases throughout history, because Poppy likes history and of course Psycho would be interested in that stuff.

Even though she's fretful, Psycho can help her let go of her worries and have fun. Even if his wild shenanigans may give her a heart attack. He makes her laugh. And in turn, Poppy helps Psycho calm down more and just be slightly less of a menace.

Poppy gets cold easily, while Psycho heats up like a lizard under a heat lamp. She snuggles up to him for warmth in the winter or when it's cold at night.

I know all couples argue, but I legitimately can't imagine these two fighting. Poppy would rather steer clear of conflict, and Psycho doesn't see a point in yelling unless necessary, so the two kind of just... Talk through their issues. The worst argument I can see them having, is whether or not the towel is dirty when you use it after showering.

She's actually the one with more relationship experience, and Psycho has no idea what he's doing. She kind of helped him understand how romantic relationships worked, and figure out what you do in these sorts of things.

Sometimes, if Smartass needs Psycho distracted or kept busy, he just calls Poppy over. She may not be an official Toon Patrol member, but she has a role in the gang because of this.

They both have their fears and nightmares. It's most noticeable with Poppy, though Psycho has his own bad memories- fabricated and real- from his time as an actor. Of course, they help each other out as best as they can. And in a way, it's brought them closer together too.

And that's Pocho! Even if this is self indulgent, I hope you guys liked these ^^

#WFRR #Who Framed Roger Rabbit #Toon Patrol #Disney #Disney Villains #Psycho Weasel #my own OC's #my own characters #Poppy #ships #OC x Canon #(i sound confident but in reality im very nervous about posting these)#i know the headcannons arent too specific- i was trying to just keep it to general headcannons #Pocho

13 notes · View notes

shytastemakerthing · 10 months

Note

hii!! U seem so cool- but anyway,, could i get a twisted wonderland match up? My grammar kinda sucks and my auto corrects off so😭

I would like for it to be more romantic, if thats ok! Also pls dont match me up with any of the 1st years since i would honestly just adopt them in twst😭

Sooo im an enfp 7w6, scorpio, green flag.. Yeahhh

But other than that,, (about to write a whole essay abt my personality) what abt my personality?

Soo im honestly kindaa uhm,, goldfish-like; i have a crap memory. and whenever in a serious situation, one where you need to stay on guard, i instantly calm down after someone cracks a joke and forget abt the whole situation.. So bcuz of that i get called "the goldfish of (gc name)" 🥲

But im really motherly and caring! I always take care of my loved ones like a nurse, so pretty much- im my friends personal nurse AND doctor (as someone who startes studying abt medical stuff when i was like 10,, young, ik) i also take care of stray animals whenever i get the chance. feeding them, taking care of their wounds, whatever! Im a good balance of childish and mature, though i fall more on the childish side! I honestly give out 'sad, wet cat' vibes at first, since i mostly spend time alone, sulking abt being alone, reading in the library alone.. but im the total opposite! Honestly kinda weird but in a good way? Super kind, and generous, and sympathetic, i always consider other peoples feelings first ofc! Honestly kind of a people pleaser🥲 softhearted person with anger issues huhu.. Also keyword 'with anger issues' because i can and will beat someone up who did one simple thing to make me mad, even if theyre like 6'2 IDGAF FIGHT ME IM 5'10 ITS NOT MUCH OF A DIFFERENCE🙄🙄 veryvery energetic or the opposite, depends. havent slept for like 2 weeks straight😇

Now I'll just say the exact words my friends said when i asked them what they thought of me-

"funny, cute, and she lavs astronomy ahhajaja" "ure the friend whos effortlessly funny but gay /j but srsly youre the friend whos funny but super girlboss whenever there are fights and uses emojis every sentence they send" "the fish i ate for dinner" "cute nmn, and fun too, but annoying sometimes😒" "youre literally just like your father but as a girl,, stubborn, charming, ignorant, brave.. And you even have the same facial feaures." "Soft girl vibes" "VOODOO DOLL SELLER IKAW"

And for my hobbies.. I have a lot tbh LEMME JUST-

Astronomy; stargazing.. IT GIVES ME SO MUCH PEACE OMG

Exploring; going to abandoned and apparently 'haunted' places brings me so much joy somehow

Dancing; practicing ballet but my friends drag me to learn the choreo of a kpop song😭

Singing; opera😻

Sports; BADMINTON, BASKETBALL, SOCCER, VOLLEYBALSLSMSJKAHSKXVJSDJ LOBVE THIS

Gaming; tbh i rarely do it anymore😭

Collecting; plushies, seashells, etc..

Art; SCULPTING, DIGITAL, TRADITIONAL, MUSIC, ETC. I CAN DO IT ALL OMGG

Thats all i think😔 I dont wanna waste ur time so thank you huhuu BYEE HAVE A GREAT YEAR MWAMWA

-lav hoshii

Hello and thank you for your request! Honestly I had a lot of fun reading over this and I believe I have just the guy for you so here we go!

I match you with.......

Floyd Leech

🦐 You two bounce off of each other so freaking much that it is insane. At this point, you're the most interesting person in his life and he isn't planning on letting you go ANY time soon and that's a fact.

🦐 Floyd is someone who butts heads with a lot of people, and I mean, a LOT of people. He's not one to shy away from a fight, even in those ones where he is clearly out numbered. It's more fun for him. But what he really loves is how you patch him up after each and every one. Sure, you badger him about all of these fights, but it's only because you care about him, and as you place a kiss to each wrap and bandaid, he can only hopelessly grin at you...... he is smitten.

🦐 Your memory isn't the best, and while Floyd seems like the aloof type, he is actually very smart, very perceptive, and has an excellent memory. He will remember anything you can't and it greatly comes in handy when needed.

🦐 Being with Floyd, also means you will be seeing a lot of Jade. Sorry, they're a two for one package deal (Azul's words). And while his twin was highly skeptical of you at first (when is he not skeptical of someone?), just seeing you with Floyd, and all the shenanigans you both get up too and how you always take care of him, you're basically family now at this point.

🦐 He is in the basketball club! Which is perfect for you! You love basketball and you two have player 1v1 quite a lot. Just be careful, because he can and WILL get competitive. Also, if you wear his jersey to his games, he has this derpy smile the entire time and will be showing off just for you. He turns into an absolute beast on the court. You're now the good luck charm of the NRC basketball team and Ace and Jamil always make sure you're there.

🦐 He finds out early on in the relationship about your habit of collecting sea shells. Now, because of him that collection has expanded a great amount. Look, you're dating a merman, he can and will be going under the water to gather the best and biggest shells thay he can find for your ccollection. But your personal favorite is a little cream colored chipped clam shell. He brought that one back after finding it randomly on a walk and it is now the most cherished one in the collection.

🦐 The way your mood fluctuates matches how his does, and while it annoyed him at first (like, is this how Jade and Azul feel when his does that?), he was able to quickly find out what can set you off or change your mood and is able to quickly adjust accordingly. Though he will admit that you look pretty hot when you get angry and tackle someone twice your size.

🦐 He would absolutely love to go exploring with you. It can be boring, it can be dangerous, so much could happen that you just don't know and that's what makes it exciting! If you ever get bored of looking at the supposedly haunted houses, he'll happily supply a breathing potion and he can show you some really cool shipwrecks!

🦐 Overall, a relationship with the reckless eel with legs is nothing short of an adventure. You know you'll never be bored, he loves how considerate you are with him and how you take care of him. And Azul and Jade are beyond thankful that you can actually get him to focus on his work, only if you're there, though 😅

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst #matchups #twst imagines #disney twisted wonderland #romantic #twisted wonderland floyd #floyd leech x reader #floyd leech #twst floyd #floyd x reader #jade leech #azul ashengrotto

17 notes · View notes

jennycalendar · 2 years

Text

delayed convoluted thoughts on the btvs s2 finale under the cut!

so i didn’t really have the chance to say this while actually watching (was too caught up in giles!) but i feel like becoming pt. 2...kinda rubbed me the wrong way? i spent pretty much every episode of season two watching it like the obvious issues with the buffy + angel relationship were on some level being taken seriously by the show, and got so caught up in how interesting and text-supported the reading is of angel being a shitty older boyfriend that i actually kind of forgot how the season concludes it. i’m really not sure what to make of that. like, i only have eyes for you underlines the age difference and the power difference in such a fascinating way, to the point where it felt (to me, at least!) like a much more excellent culmination of emotion than the buffy/angel scene at the end of becoming pt. 2. it genuinely baffles me that the show itself leans into this idea of buffy/angel as a tragic romance, and so much of season three + the season two finale hinges upon the viewer having sympathy for them, but personally, i just...don’t.

and becoming pt. 2 reinforces that angel/angelus division by having buffy recognize, love, and kiss angel, when it’s so much more interesting to question the reality of that division instead! there are shades of angel to angelus, and vice versa. angelus is at first unaware of the fact that he is in love with buffy until i only have eyes for you forces him to confront this. angel is defined by his determination to compartmentalize his monstrosity. and, yeah, i get that we are intended to believe in the soul/no soul dichotomy at this point in the narrative, but it’s really hard to look at this plotline within the larger context of the show and take it as simple as it’s being presented. ESPECIALLY with episodes like i only have eyes for you, b+a interactions where angel will regularly treat buffy like a child, etc.

angel’s return in season three though DEPENDS upon this rigid adherence to the soul/no soul notion, because otherwise his re-integration into the group just isn’t possible! he has to be completely separate from his crimes as angelus, because if he isn’t, someone who is at least on some level responsible for murdering jenny and torturing giles is being allowed to sit at the table WITH GILES. and idk man as someone who has never pretended at subjectivity here and absolutely aches for what giles goes through in season three even if we’re looking at angel thru the most positive light possible, i am not having a fun time with this whole “buffy and angel are true love" thing. it just makes me sad about giles.

and juuuust for the record -- i actually really like buffy and angel as a concept! i just think that the concept they were teasing is so much more rich and interesting than the concept that we get. i don’t love the idea of the show agreeing with buffy’s notion of “buffy & angel 4ever” and i feel like it sort of alternates between leaning into it and skimming the surface of this baffling, compelling, heartbreaking connection between two people who are just both so devastatingly lonely. i really really want a timeline where the tragedy isn’t that buffy and angel can’t be together but that buffy doesn’t see angel the same way that she did before all of this happened. i love the thought of that half-baked metaphor in season two continuing into season three -- buffy wants to be with angel, always has, always will, but is now confronted with the actual reality of the kind of shit he’s done and is not sure how to reconcile that with the blurry romantique image she was leaning into pre-innocence. instead of having her fighting how badly she wants to be with him, i think it would be so fucking compelling if she was fighting how badly she doesn’t want to be with him.

BUT MY MEMORY OF THIS SEASON IS WOBBLY SO MAYBE MY MIND WILL CHANGE. (please god let it change i can’t take a whole season of being sad about giles and mad about jenny).

#celia watches btvs #this post came about because i started watching the dream sequence in anne and was like. oh boy #the show is taking this a lot more seriously than i am #and i don't love that #i feel...irrationally disappointed tbh.#AN Y WAY wish me luck bc i am NOT THRIVING

34 notes · View notes

iknowwhereyousleepatnight · 8 months

Note

Light giving up his Kira memories to be with L is the worst trope in the fandom

(For the unpopular ask meme)

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

i don't know if i'd say it's the worst trope in the fandom but it's not great. my whole issue with it is that light and L have such strong chemistry because light is kira. without those memories light is still smart, yes, but is he really the same mind that played the game so well? not really. light and L are attracted to the threat of the other. i don't feel that they would have such strong chemistry if they weren't constantly threatening to ruin the other. without the memories L would be left with what's leftover from who he was chasing and light probably wouldn't feel as equal. it feels so invalidating towards the dynamic to make them have a happily-ever-after via removing the most important aspects of a relationship. lawlight isn't really built to last as a healthy relationship and that's okay.

i think there could be a way to do this trope in a more dynamic way, though. obviously this trope is built for a "happy ending" but what if it was used as a more psychological horror-esque way? (bear with me here)

say somehow L convinces/tricks light into give up his memories and the story was told through light's pov. light still feels that he loves L but something is missing/he doesn't know why he has such strong feelings for the man that "wrongly" imprisoned him. L takes light with him around the world for cases and tries to keep light from figuring out that he was kira/keeps light around because he thought he would still love him after he lost memories but actually he's a fool and isn't quite ready to send light away because he's still useful. light is still sharp though, he knows something is missing. maybe ryuk sticks around (maybe the death note is still buried?) and follows light around, moving little things to mess with him/get his attention. light feels weird about everything because he seems to be missing memories and things seem to be moving. maybe he's hallucinating? he doesn't bring it up because he's afraid he's going crazy, maybe he stops trusting his own judgement. maybe L notices and tries to keep light from figuring it out which just increases light's suspicion because L's acting strange why is that? and there's a bit of a descent to madness. light doesn't feel like he can trust L or himself. maybe he tries to get out but his strange behavior makes L think he's regained his memories/is unsafe to leave. L traps light and this freaks light out. i'm losing my vision i forgot where was going with this. something something the inherent horror behind losing a crucial part of yourself and not being able to trust yourself or the people you should trust the most.

uhhh ignoring all that i do agree with you!

#thank you for sending an ask!!!#i love when people interact with me :)#sorry for unloading concepts/thoughts on what should've been a simple ask #it'll probably happen again :3

3 notes · View notes

vonkarma2 · 1 year

Note

18 + 19 + 28 -> for ocs of your choice if you’re still doing it

these questions would be super easy if provided an oc but I’m incapable of picking one I’m actually dying. ok whatever ⬅️quotes from me that I typed out several weeks ago back then this was first asked. sorry

a memory that still makes your OC angry?

So this was difficult because like. Any specific memory I know a character has, especially one that still emotionally affects them to this day, is probably important to their backstory and as such I’ve definitely talked about it before at length so I don’t want to go over it again yk? So that leaves me with the other option of making shit up specifically for this ask game ok umm

I think the characters most driven by anger are Angel, Gloria, and Silence so I think. I’ll cover all of them very vaguely and not really answer the question because it’s hard aha so basically.

Growing up alongside other children, who typically did not like him for reasons justified and not, Angel has a lot of memories that make him furious to think about, like since the house staff didn’t really like him either they’d sometimes side against him for things that weren’t his fault. He doesn’t think about it often but whenever he does it still makes him mad to this day. He thinks it’s wrong to be like biased against a child but he

Something that makes Gloria kinda a contrast to Rocio and Angel as characters is that she does have a lot of like, experience in life for lack of a better word. She’s been around the world, she’s met and had some various types of relationships with other people, even though they were mostly very shallow, had a lot of different types of life experiences and viewed that as like, how her life was from then on. Except no she didn’t, because the whole time she was tied down to the past like mentally? I was going to say she’s probably had some experiences during her travels that she gets mad to think about but honestly I don’t think she does— these days she’s really good at just letting things go because she doesn’t get too attached to anything in the first place, so even if people have betrayed her or tried to kill her or some shit like that, it wouldn’t make her angry to think about. It’s like she always feels like she’s in search of something or running away from something because she’s still mad abt her childhood and feels like she hasn’t resolved her problems with it or confronted the issue in any meaningful way, so it stays with her yk? Most of what makes her actually genuinely mad is like. Following childhood trauma being raised by someone who didn’t seem to have any compassion for or understanding of you at all.

Silence lived in an environment kind of similar to Angel’s in that it was ran by like strict guardians who emphasized morality but it was like. A wider and pretty isolated community. So she felt like that was what the entire world was like, like she was basically trapped with everyone, and since the society encouraged emotional repression, she never saw anyone else displaying like the same dissatisfaction she felt so as far as she knew everyone was all the same. Started to like hate everyone she knew including herself and view people as fundamentally evil. (That’s part of why when meeting Cirillo she liked him so much like he was genuinely trying to be understanding. She thought he had an ulterior motive at first but since he didn’t have or want any power over anyone she eventually like warmed up to him yk.) She has a lot of bad memories of being punished or like shamed for getting mad and like raising her voice and things like that.

a memory that still makes your OC sad?

You know what’s interesting about sadness is that typically it doesn’t drive you to act so much as like anger or fear do, more so it drives you to like not act. Like to just give up and let things happen to you, yk, like be apathetic and stop caring. So it’s not as much of a motivating force as much as it is a hamper to your motivation. That’s not related to the question but it’s interesting 2 me. Anyway.

I think the character who feels the most regret about their past has to be Cirillo, but Ive already talked about him a lot and Jacinto is similar so I think I’ll talk about them instead. God they’re so hard to write I’m going to lose it I have to change something about their character. Them and Gloria I think could do with more focus/nuance, like more specific plot events to work with. But like anyway, I think a lot of memories, even ones they like thinking of in the moment, end up making them feel sad in the long run because they are pretty stuck in the past— the more they think of good memories with like their brother or their best friend, the more they feel like their life is basically over. That’s pretty dark I feel so bad about it I’m sorry 😞😞😞 they pretty much didn’t do anything wrong. I guess on the bright side, though thinking about older memories makes them feel like their life is empty Now, and they definitely are aware they’ve made mistakes in the past, it does make them feel like they have contributed something to the world in the past? Like their life overall had some meaning and so that helps them feel a bit more at peace I guess. It makes them feel sad, for sure, but in a bittersweet way yk.

is your OC a dog or cat person?

dog: rocio (only like hunting/working dogs), cirillo, gloria (only the cool ones, but the criteria for what makes dogs qualify as such is unclear and constantly changing. it’s pretty much whether she vibes with the specific individual dog immediately or not), tiago (I think he’d be the type to feed stray dogs whenever he sees them), jacinto (appreciates how theyre more straightforward to take care of, and more outwardly energetic and affectionate usually), joanna, joseph (thinks they are fun to play with)

cat: angel (likes both, prefers cats very narrowly. probably the place he grew up had a couple cats living in the building. also probably would have seen some stray dogs in the area though), laura, lucia, victor (actively dislikes dogs, scared of larger ones and annoyed by smaller ones)

^these aren’t all the characters ofc but I’m not doing everyone because the list got too long. can’t be bothered to try to remember every character there’s like 15 of them what am I Einstein 🙄

#I like talking abt ocs I promise #apparently more general prompts just make me explode and die #also this post kinda implies the characters can be sorted into categories of like #being driven by 1 primary emotion which ofc isn’t the case #especially because emotions can come from others yk #like anger coming from fear sadness coming from anger #I like talking abt that kind of thing because I think analyzing character motivations #is one of my favorite things abt making ocs #anyway thanks for asking for real :)#my ocs #I had more to say abt Victor and Jacinto #but didn’t because I wanted 2 finish writing this. sometime this month

2 notes · View notes

luveline · 3 years

Text

in the morning, afternoon and night [Fred Weasley x Reader]

tags: reader-insert, hurt/comfort, self esteem issues, low self esteem, reader has acne, sad reader, insecure reader

pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader

word count: 1.8k

You glared at your reflection.

You'd think with such amazing magical medicine available, some witch or wizard would've invented a cure for acne, or at least a spell that covered it up.

You'd struggled with it since your third year. The muggle doctor you'd seen with your mother had suggested it was hormonal, and would calm down as you got older.

That was years ago.

It shouldn't have been a big deal. It wasn't, really. It wasn't usually very painful, though it was itchy as a stinging nettle and twice as unsightly. A large part of you knew it wasn't your fault, that acne was something that simply affected people at different times in their lives. You'd tried topicals and changing your diet, you'd tried losing weight and exercising and dermaplaning and everything they suggested in your mams fashion magazines.

Nothing worked.

Tears welled in your eyes and you sniffed them back, blinking rapidly.

It might've been silly, but it honestly made you want to hide away. You'd skipped dinner without really thinking, finding your way into the girls bathroom you inhabited now. You straightened your tie and robes, dusting down the sides. You leaned forward again, dabbing under your eyes with your sleeve.

The last thing you wanted was for anyone to know you'd been crying, because then someone might ask why. You didn't want to talk about it, ever.

If Fred saw you like this...

You and Fred Weasley had been almost dating for a few weeks now. Almost, because you hadn't talked about the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing yet.

It had been years of thinking he was the fittest boy in Gryffindor (besides George) and months of meeting his gaze in the corridors and catching his eye over dinner. Gradually it had become something more; he started carrying your books between classes and opening doors, touching your arms and your hair and your face.

You cringed at the memory. He had been so caring, moving to wipe an eyelash from the skin under your eye. You'd violently flinched from his hand, afraid he might feel the bumpy texture of your skin, feel the acne beneath your makeup. He'd been apologetic and a little confused, filling you with guilt. You hadn't been able to find a way to tell him it wasn't him, it was you. Of course you wanted him to touch you, the thought of him cradling your face had been the subject of many dizzy daydreams, but you just couldn't tell him this one thing.

It was your deepest insecurity.

The stress had only made it worse. Redness was easy to cover with muggle make up and even some wizarding tricks you'd learned over the years, but there wasn't a way to smooth your skin, and the acne was textured.

It was depressing. You didn't want to use that word, it felt ungrateful to compare your skin issues to something so severe, but it made you miserable.

You but down on your quivering lip, pushing away from the mirror unhappily and opening the bathroom door, a frown on your face.

"Y/N!" a familiar voice said.

You jumped, startled but unsurprised. Fred had a talent of always knowing where you were. You'd find it creepy if he wasn't so endearing.

"Fred," you said, plastering a smile over your frown. "I was just coming to find you."

"What a coincidence, ma chérie, I was doing the same."

"Well," you began, easily sidling into his space, "you found me."

"Yes, I did," Fred hummed, wrapping his arms behind your neck, grinning.

He took a long look at your face, his forehead creased. "What's wrong?"

"Nothings wrong, Fred."

He moved his hands to your shoulders, looking down into your face searchingly. "Have you been crying?" he asked.

You shook your head, lying without thinking. "Something in my eye,"

"Both of them?"

You stepped backwards. He let go of your shoulders accordingly.

"Y/N?"

"It's really nothing," you said through a forced laugh.

He frowned at you for a few seconds more and his face cleared. "Alright," he said slowly, rolling the words in his mouth, "if you say so, doll."

You opened like a blooming flower at the pet name, your whole face softening. You smiled, hoping he understood that the smile meant, oh I just so adore you, Fred Weasley.

He threaded his fingers through yours, dragging you down the corridor beside him and waxing poetic about their newest lot of Peruvian darkness powder as you went.

It got so bad you couldn't go to class.

Okay, so you definitely could've gone to class, but the thought of leaving your curtained bed was enough to make you sick with anxiety, so worried that everyone would see you - see your face.

NEWTs were coming fast and hard. Everyone who wanted to be anyone was working hard studying their asses of, on top of Professor Umbridge's million new rules you had to abide by, including her newest life-ruining rule: Boys and girl are not to be within 5 inches of each other.

What a joke. You struggled through classes, wrote essays so long your hand burned at night and now you weren't allowed to sit next to your almost boyfriend at lunch? It was miserable. It was making you miserable, and now you may as well have sharpied on your forehead how equipped your body was to deal with it.

Fucking badly.

You groaned to yourself, rolling on your side to face the wall. You were at your wits end. It felt endlessly unfair that the thing that was stressing you out most was getting worse from stress.

Your stomach growled hungrily.

You threw your arm over your eyes in defeat, eyes finally filling with tears. You felt so hopeless. There was nothing to be done except keep up your routine until the flare up was over, or until your mothers next 'miracle cure' popped into existence.

The tears felt too hot against your sore skin. You couldn't help but sob quietly to yourself in self-pity.

A knock sounded at the door. You gasped, wiping the tears away in panic.

"Y/N?" It was Alicia. "Are you alright? Can I come in?"

"Yes," you managed. "Yes, of course. It's your room too, after all."

The door clicked open. Alicia appeared, tanned skin completely clear and glowing, though each perfect feature was marred with empathy. "Fred's been begging every girl in the common room to come fetch you, but I told him to leave you be."

"Thank you," you said.

You cleared your throat. Alicia moved her weight from foot to foot, twisting her hands.

"I- Y/N. I won't pretend to know how it feels, but I promise you, Fred won't care. He's beside himself worrying that you're bedridden and dying or-" she laughed to herself, "or that you're still mad at him for the itching powder. What I mean is... he's a good guy, and you're upset. Maybe you should tell him what's wrong. He won't care."

You sniffed. "I know," you admitted, feeling the weight of her shifting the bed. "I know he's a great guy. I just wouldn't blame him if he, if he didn't like me anymore. If he found it ugly. I would understand it, and I think that makes it worse," you choked on your words, heat building behind your eyes.

"Oh, Y/N," Alicia said, placing a tentative but comforting hand on your shoulder.

You lay in quiet, listening to your own ragged breathing.

"I'll go talk to him," Alicia said.

"No! I mean, no. Thank you, but no. I... I'll speak to him myself."

Alicia nodded, rubbing your arm kindly.

The sound of the door clicking shut behind her finally spurred you into sitting up. You dressed in a hurry, chucking a wool jumper over last nights pyjamas.

He wouldn't care, would he? You cringed. Yes, he definitely would. Whatever was between you would stop. He'd have the grace to let you down slowly, drawing away his affections. He was a polite guy, he'd probably even say the whole spiel of "it's not you, it's me". But he would, eventually.

Well, you figured. Let it be quick. Like ripping off a bandaid.

You tread lightly down the steps, hoping to see him before he saw you.

Of course, when the slightest groan on the bottom step sounded, his lovely face whipped to meet yours. He smiled in relief, but it was mixed with something else. Disgust, your brain supplied nastily. He was disgusted. He rose to his feet, smiling smiling smiling. But something in his eyes was different, now.

"Y/N," he said.

"Hi," you said.

"Hi yourself, beautiful. Where've you been all day?"

"I'm... sick. Bad cold," you settled on.

He raised an eyebrow. "You sound okay," he said, not unkindly.

"I..." you looked down at your hands.

A siren was sounding in your head. You didn't think Fred had seen you without make up for the last 3 years. Fight or flight was leaning heavily towards flight.

"Well, are you hungry?"

You shook your head.

"Are you sure? You haven't eaten all day. You need something in your system if you're gonna fight this cold."

"I'm not actually sick, Fred," you admitted under your breath.

"I know."

You looked up. He was still smiling kindly. It was infuriating.

"Look," you said finally, rushed and all at once, "if you don't want to- if you're grossed out. Then it's fine, I'll understand if you don't want to see me anymore."

Fred was stricken.

"I know it's - ugly."

"Ugly? Nothing about you is ugly."

"Fred, my face-"

"No, listen to me, Y/N. It's not ugly. It's not gross. You're not any of those things, are you kidding?" he said, grabbing your hands. "You're beautiful. All the time, in the morning, afternoon and night. You're beautiful in charms and transfiguration and care of magical creatures. You were beautiful yesterday and you're beautiful today and you'll be even more so tomorrow." He stopped suddenly, looking down at your joined hands. His cheeks had turned bright red.

"Smooth, Freddie," came George's voice, from the sofa behind them.

"Shove OFF," exclaimed Fred, growing more red by the second. Heat filled your own cheeks.

"It's skin, Y/N. That's all it is."

"Okay," you said tightly, trying not to cry.

Fred breathed out, his hair shifting in response. His corded arms pulled you tight to his chest. You breathed him in. He smelled sweet and rough, like burning caramel.

He thought you were beautiful.

You smiled into his shirt.

<3<3<3

tag list: @msmimimerton

if you’d like to be added to a tag list, please ask ! for in general or for specific characters, i don’t mind

#fred wealsey fic #fred weasly x reader #fred weasley #harry potter imagine #fred Weasley imagine #fred Weasley x reader #reader insert #reader has acne #reader is an unreliable narrator #reader x fred Weasley #fred Weasley fanfic #fred Weasley fluff #hurt/comfort #Fred weasley x reader

574 notes · View notes

diaphragmjellyfish · 3 years

Text

I Have This... Thing

Not My Gif

So as someone with vaginismus, it’s sometimes frustrating to read fan fiction, specifically smut. Y/N always has sex so easily and with very little foreplay, finishing with no issues. And it’s so great for people who can do that, but it’s not the case for all of us. Some of us can’t have any sort of penetration without pain. Some people can’t finish without toys, or hours of work. Some people will never be able to have penetrative sex. There’s all kinds of people, and there’s all kinds of sex. But not near enough fics featuring Y/N’s with these issues. So I’m going to write some, and feel free to request any issue with any character, and if I don’t know that character, we can collaborate to find a character you like that I do know.

Paul Lahote x reader smut.

You had lived in Forks for about 6 months now. You’ve known your new friends here for 5 months. And you’ve been the imprint of Paul Lahote for 3 months. Well, you’ve been his imprint since you guys first locked eyes at La Push when you first hung out with Emily, but he didn’t tell you about the whole werewolf/ imprint thing until 3 months ago. Safe to say it came as a shock. Your friends, the people who had welcomed you so easily, helped you move furniture around, and gave you tours of the new town, were WOLVES. Or engaged to wolves. *cough* Emily *cough*. You had to take a few weeks break from them after they told you. After Sam explained the legends, the lore. After Paul told you that you were basically his soul mate. It’s a lot to take in!

But you quickly realized that you had grown to love the pack. And now that you knew the big secret, things were easier around them. No more lies about where they had all been. No more avoiding talking about their mysterious injuries that only seemed to last for a couple hours. No more awkwardly dancing around why Paul stared at you constantly and wouldn’t let any other guy get within 6 feet of you without having a rage attack and sprinting into the woods. Things were going good.

Well… as good as they could be without sex. Yep. You and Paul had been together for 3 months and you have not had sex. You didn’t give each other head. You didn’t take your clothes off around each other. You didn’t even dry hump. And you knew it was your fault. You could tell that Paul was getting nervous about the fact that you wouldn’t let him touch you like that. He would never ask you about it, because he wouldn’t want you to feel pressured or rushed, but you could tell it was on his mind. The little sad smile he would give when you stopped things from going further. The hover of his hands over your ass before landing back on your waist. The way he looked almost guilty after looking at you in a swimsuit or crop top.

See, vaginismus made relationships difficult. You never had a long term relationship before Paul. You were either too scared to tell partners about it, and just dealt with the excruciating pain, which would lead to resentment and breakups, or you would tell them and they would ghost you. Guys don’t normally go for girls who’s opening line is “Hi! I cannot have sex without crying.” You’d been dilating for almost a year now. It was going okay. Some days hurt more than others. A lot of times, Paul would ask you to hang out when you were in the middle of your physical therapy, and you would have to make up some excuse as to why you couldn't. Too tired. Headache. Stomach bug. He was starting to catch on.

One day, you guys were hanging out at your apartment watching a movie. You had been making out, but as soon as it started getting slightly heated, you had pulled away and got up to get a drink refill. Paul, having gotten used to the routine, didn’t question you. While you were in the kitchen pouring some more juice, Paul asked “Hey babe? Do you have a charger I can borrow?”

“Yeah it’s in the top drawer of my bedside table,” you haphazardly yelled back.

You heard him get up and go into your bedroom, rummaging around a little. Then silence.

“Hey babe?” he said hesitantly. You thought he just couldn’t find the charger, so you began walking towards your room to grab it for him. Once you got to the doorway, you stopped dead in your tracks. Eyes wide. Face bright red. Paul held up the dilator you were currently on, which was about 5 inches long and looked… well let’s be honest. It looked like a dildo. The bottle of lubricant that was also in the drawer didn’t help your case. How the fuck were you supposed to explain yourself? You expected Paul to tease you, make some sex jokes, and maybe try to make out with you again, but he didn’t. He looked absolutely crushed.

“Do you not want to have sex with me?” He asked, sounding on the verge of tears.

“What?! Paul, of course I want to have sex with you!”

“Then why this?” he pressed.

“You don’t even know what that’s for. Let me explain,” you pleaded, afraid he was going to lose that infamous temper. You’d never witnessed it before, but you were scared you were about to.

“I think I have a pretty good guess about what this is for!” He exclaimed, holding it up. “You won’t even let me kiss your neck but you have this that you obviously use when I’m not around. You don’t want to have sex with me. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Paul! That’s not true at all!” You were starting to get irritated at his assumptions. “It’s for physical therapy.”

“Oh, is that what we’re calling orgasms now?” He questioned, exasperated.

“I’m not talking about orgasms! If you gave me two seconds to explain, you would know that that does not bring me an ounce of pleasure. I hate having to use it.” You started to tear up at this, all the memories of your struggles surging back up. At this, Paul stopped. He looked super confused, but also worried about you. God forbid you shed a tear, Paul would rip the world apart to make you happy again. “Come sit down,” you said, resigned, as you moved to sit on the edge of your bed. Paul, still holding the dilator in his hand, sat down next to you. The silence seemed to last an eternity, but you knew that the longer you went without explaining, the more hurt Paul would feel.

“I wasn’t lying when I said it was for physical therapy,” you whispered. “I have other ones. All different sizes.” You realized you might not have been helping your case with this.

“I don’t understand. Why do you need them if you don’t use them to get off?” He looked like a kicked puppy.

“Well… I have this thing. It’s like… a condition? And I need them so maybe one day I can have sex without any pain.” He still looked wildly confused, and you knew you were going to have to elaborate. “When I first started having sex, it hurt. A lot. But I always heard that it was supposed to hurt the first time. So I just kind of put up with it. It was bad though. I always tapped out, couldn’t go for more than a couple minutes. It felt like this really intense stinging. Like a rugburn all inside me. And it didn’t stop, even after I started doing it more. It never went away… I ended up googling it, and it’s actually something that a lot of women struggle with. I made a doctor’s appointment and was lucky enough to get diagnosed the first time. Lots of women are told they’re making it up. My doctor gave me these dilators, told me how to use them, and said that with enough time and physical therapy, I could have painless sex one day.” When you finished, you turned to look at him. He was staring intently at the dilator, thinking.

“So, you have to like… stretch yourself? Were you just born too small?” He phrased it delicately, but you knew what he meant.

“Basically, it’s an anxiety disorder with very physical symptoms. My pelvic floor muscles constrict when I try to put anything inside me, which makes it super painful. It’s like an involuntary reflex. Like blinking when something flies near your face. And I have to condition my body to learn that penetration doesn’t hurt, and that it doesn’t have to tighten up like that. The condition is called vaginismus. You can google it yourself if you want.”

“Oh.” A pause. Paul knew you had some anxiety, but he never guessed it could cause something like this. He knew you were embarrassed. He could tell. And the last thing he wanted was for you to feel like you couldn’t be open and vulnerable with him. Did you think he would leave you? Or get mad? “Why didn’t you tell me?” Was the question that came out.

“It’s humiliating. I could tell you were getting antsy about us not having sex, and I guess I didn’t have the heart to tell you that it’s not going to happen anytime soon. This physical therapy, it takes a while. I’ve already been doing it for almost a year, and I still have three sizes after this one.” A tear fell. You wiped it away quickly, hoping he Paul wouldn’t notice, but he did. He moved to wrap his arms around you, putting the dilator back on your nightstand. He embraced you, and the reassurance that he wasn’t going anywhere was more than you could handle. You burst into tears as he pulled you onto his lap and rocked you both, rubbing his hand up and down your back. You guys stayed there until you stopped crying, and then he finally spoke.

“Y/N, I don’t ever want you to feel like there’s something you can’t tell me. I love you. And yeah, I would love to have sex with you one day, but I’m with you because of who you are. I don’t care if we never do it. You are my person, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you the happiest you can be. This? This thing you think is such a problem? It’s irrelevant to me. To my love for you. And I will be here every step of the way, supporting you, cheering you on, until you don’t want me anymore.” He brought your hand up to his mouth and kissed it.

“I love you, Paul,” was all you could say. You leaned in and shared the sweetest, most loving kiss either of you had ever experienced. His hand cupped the side of your face, thumb rubbing your cheek. When you pulled away, the tension in the room was gone, replaced with you and Paul’s usual light, fun energy.

“How do you use them?” He smiled as he asked, nodding his head towards your nightstand where the dilator still rested. “Do you like… just ride them? Or..?”

You laughed, which made his smile broaden. “It’s not a sexual thing. Basically I put a towel down, cover the dilator in lube, and put it in as far as I can without pain. Then, I just sit there and leave it for like 20 minutes. And then I take it out.”

“So you just like... do homework while you do it?” His concerned face made you laugh again.

“You have to make your body associate it with pleasure, so no, I don’t do homework. Normally I’ll watch a funny show or eat some candy or FaceTime you.”

He froze at this. “You do this when we FaceTime?”

This made you blush and look away from his piercing gaze. “Sometimes. I can stop if it makes you uncomfortable. It’s just a nice distraction.”

“No, no. I don’t want you to stop. It’s just… can I see you do it?” This question shocked you. Not just the question itself, but the fact that you didn’t hate the idea. You loved kissing Paul. What better way to associate therapy with pleasure than by kissing him while you do it?

“Are you sure? Like I said, it’s not exactly sexual. Or sexy. Like at all. I literally just sit there.”

“I know, it’s ok. I want to be able to help you, but if you don’t want to we can just go back to the movie.”

“I mean I do still have to do it today.” You thought for another second, before jumping up and saying “Okay. Let’s do it.”

Paul looked happy and excited, but also lost. He didn’t know what to do with his hands, or with his eyes. Did you want him to touch you? Or just watch you? Or just sit in the corner of the room and face the wall? You were spreading a towel across the middle of the bed, and went to untie your sweatpants before looking at him.

“Guess we haven’t really gotten this far, huh?” alluding to being naked in front of each other. It did make you a little nervous, and nerves equal tight muscles, which means pain.

“Why don’t you put a blanket over yourself? That way there’s less pressure,” he suggested, and you could have kissed him for it. You smiled, nodded, and grabbed a throw blanket from the chair. He turned around to face the wall while you took off your pants and settled under the blanket.

“Ok, I’m good.” you said. He turned back around, coming to kneel beside you on the bed.

“Do you want me to just… hold your hand? Or sit here and talk to you?”

“Would you want to sit behind me?” You suggested nervously, leaning forward slightly.

“Of course! Yeah, I can do that.” He took this seriously, and you appreciated that. This was a scenario you had thought about many times, and though you knew he wouldn’t be the type to ask you to have sex with him despite the pain, it was always a possibility. The fact that he didn’t take your pain lightly, and let you be in charge so you would be comfortable, meant more to you than he would ever know. Paul gently climbed behind you, putting his legs on either side of you, and hesitantly rubbing your shoulders. You leaned back into him, as if to say I’m okay with this.

“Can you hand me the… “ You nodded your head towards the nightstand, and Paul didn’t need to hear the rest of the sentence before he leaned over and grabbed the dilator and bottle of lube, holding them out in front of you both. You muttered a “thanks” as you took them from his hands, and brought them under the blanket. After slathering the dilator with a good amount of lube, you closed the bottle and tossed it towards the foot of the bed, leaning back and shifting your hips down. Paul clearly didn’t want to overstep his boundaries, so he was slow and careful as he wrapped his arms around your torso, giving you time to say stop. You didn’t, though. He felt your body tense slightly as you dragged the tip of the dilator around your entrance, so he started to rub his hands up and down your sides, kissing your cheek. You turned your head to look at him, and he met you with a sweet kiss. You guys pulled away slightly, before going back in as you began to push the dilator in further. He kissed you with love, tenderness, and care, so as not to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable. It was clear that you had the reigns, and Paul would stop as soon as you gave the slightest indication that you were uncomfortable. The dilator was about half way in, and you felt a slight stinging sensation, but kissing Paul distracted you. You brought one hand up to cup the side of his face, pulling him back in.

Paul kept kissing you, waiting for your lips to part so he could brush his tongue against yours. This is normally where you would stop him, but he knew everything now. There was no expectation of more, and damn. Paul was a really good kisser. He sucked lightly at your lower lip, before nibbling it and letting it go, coming back in with his lips. The combination of Paul’s kisses, the slight heat they brought to your body, and the pressure of the tip of the dilator inside you had you shift your hips, and involuntarily let out a small moan. It was barely audible, but Paul and his super senses heard it. You pulled away and slapped a hand over your mouth, your face turning bright red. He chuckled deeply, the sound going straight to your body, and brought his hand up to pull your hand off your mouth. “Don’t you dare hide those sounds from me,” he teasingly whispered into your ear. You shivered, and Paul started to kiss your cheek, down your jaw, and onto your neck. He sucked on the soft skin, hands squeezing your waist and rubbing up and down. You wanted to try something. For the first time, dilating actually didn’t feel so obligatory, so mechanical and stiff. You pushed the dilator deeper in, just about a centimeter, but enough to give you that feeling you had moments ago. You let out a breathy sigh as you tilted your head to give Paul more room on your neck. He felt you shift your hips again, and brought one of his hands to rub circles on your lower stomach. Skin on skin. And it felt good.

You kept going like this for a few minutes, and Paul could feel your skin grow hotter by the second. Your back was arched, your neck covered in light red marks, and Paul had the intense desire to see you unravel. He brought his lips from your neck up to the side of your face, getting as close to eye contact as he could in this position, and said “Can I touch you?”

You knew what he meant. The thought of it made you nervous. No one had touched you without it hurting before. It was almost as if he read your mind when he followed with “I can just stay on the outside…” Oh. You could be down with that. You turned your head to him and nodded.

“Just try not to touch the dilator,” you said softly. You trusted Paul. He was already being so kind and patient with this, and you knew he would die before he would ever hurt you. The hand that had been rubbing circles on your stomach travelled lower. Lower. Lower. Until he could feel the slight stubble of a past shave, and then your soft, wet skin. You gasped as he touched your most sensitive parts, even more so because of how turned on you were. He gently made small, tight circles over your clit, your eyes rolling back in your head as you fell completely slack against him and let out a moan. A real moan, that Paul swore he would never forget. And he made you make that sound. It only spurred him on. He applied slightly more pressure, but not so much as to overwhelm you. And he knew that when girls were feeling good, the secret wasn’t faster or harder, but to keep doing exactly what you were doing. So that’s what he did, and it had you writhing. Your moans kept coming, and your legs had started to shake. However, because it felt so good, your muscles had started to clench around the dilator, and it was beginning to hurt.

You didn’t want to rain on the parade. It was going so well. But Paul being the attentive lover that he is, noticed you begin to tense up in a new way. He brought his hand back up to your stomach, concern racing through his brain, and asked “Are you okay? Does it hurt?”

“It’s kind of starting to. Not you, the dilator. I think I might take it out.” You stared down at his hand still touching your stomach. Such beautiful hands. You didn’t want it to end.

“Do you want to try a smaller one? Or do you want to stop?” He questioned.

“I really don’t want to stop,” you laughed. He breathed a laugh as well, and waited for your direction. You had a thought. Paul’s index finger was smaller than the dilator. Much smaller. If you just told him what to do and what not to do, that could feel really good. “Would you want to maybe… Nevermind.” You got nervous.

“Hey, hey. No. Don’t do that. Tell me what you want,” He brought a finger up to your chin and moved your face towards him. “Tell me. Whatever it is, Princess. It’s yours.” Your whole body shuddered at this. He’s never called you that before, and to say it did something to you would be an understatement.

You let out a breath, gathering courage, and said “Would you want to… use your finger?”

He stopped at this. “Like, put my finger inside you? That wouldn’t hurt?”

“I don’t think so. It’s smaller than this,” you said, bringing the dilator out and up. “And as long as I tell you what to do, it could be really good,” you said the last part shyly.

“Okay, Princess. I can do that. How do you want me to do it?”

“Try to do more… pressure, and less… friction? Like try not to go in and out so much, but you can move it around inside.” Your face was once again blushing intensely.

“Anything you want. You just have to promise that you’ll tell me if it even hurts a little.”

“I promise.” You said it confidently enough that Paul brought his hand back down under the blanket. He circled your clit a couple times, making you shiver and release a breathy sigh, before moving his middle finger even lower, circling your entrance. He gathered some of the lube that was there from the dilator, coating his finger, and you brought your hand down to hold it, guiding it inside you at a speed that was comfortable. It was smaller than the dilator, so he was in you in 15 seconds. He stopped, and gave you a minute to adjust. Your hips writhed again because of how turned on you were, so Paul brought his other hand down and began circling your clit again. Your head fell back on his shoulder as you began to moan again, hips moving even more now. Paul took this as his queue to press his middle finger up against your inner wall lightly, causing a loud moan to leave your mouth. You were too far gone to be embarrassed.

“There you go, baby,” he praised. God, this was the hottest thing he had ever seen. He was barely touching you, barely moving his finger inside you, and you were a mess. He had been rock hard since you guys started, but your ass was rubbing against him as you moved your hips, and he released a small growl at the feeling. This only turned you on more. He kept moving his finger in you the same way. Pressure, not friction. Pressure, not friction. He kept telling himself this. He wanted to finger bang you into oblivion, but the risk of hurting you was too high, so he kept up with rubbing the tip of his finger against that spot on your upper wall, in a “come-hither” motion. Your moans began to get higher in pitch, your body tensing even more.

“Relax your muscles for me, sweetheart,” he encouraged, and you did. Your release was approaching rapidly, and you wanted to grind against his hand, but you didn’t want to risk pain, so you trusted Paul to get you there. You were panting, hips shuddering, face scrunched, as your climax hit you like a wave. Your legs shook as you opened your mouth in a silent scream, and Paul carried you all the way through it. You came down, and lightly grabbed his wrists. He knew that that meant stop. So he slowly withdrew his finger, brought it up to his mouth, and sucked on it. Head still up in the clouds, you watched him, slack-jawed, as he popped his finger out and moaned. “So sweet,” he purred. Watching him suck on his finger like that made you think of something you’d like to suck on, and you looked down at Paul, still rock hard, and turned around in his lap.

“Let me return the favor,” you said with a smirk.

#twilight #paul lahote #paul lahote x reader #paul lahote smut #wolf pack #seth clearwater #embry call #quil ateara #sam uley #jacob black #jared cameron #robert pattinson #bella swan #edward cullen #vaginismus #dilating #paul lahote x reader smut #twilight smut

1K notes · View notes

bibbykins · 3 years

Text

Insufferable

A/N: The long-awaited flashback is here! It's short, but it is here! I hope this can really show the turning point in Jungkook's and MC's relationship and I would love to hear everyone's thoughts. As usual, tips are not required but greatly appreciate. Hope you all enjoy and have a wonderful day/night!

Note: This is a part (specifically a flashback) of The Household's Bunny series, so I recommend reading at least the Prologue before this one

Word count: 3.6k

Pairing: Soft Yandere! Jungkook x Chubby! Reader

Summary: Roommates are bound to have arguments, especially when one of them is as temperamental as Jungkook, but you didn't expect the first argument to get so unbelievably personal.

Warnings: abandonment issues, mommy issues, allusions to past abuse, family issues, crying, yelling, vomiting, panic attack, exhaustion, some soft yandere thoughts, some possessiveness, jungkook is mean and the MC gets a little mean too

There was something so constricting about memories of a shitty childhood. There were times when looking in the mirror felt like searching for the child in you so you could give her the hug she desperately needed. There were times when waking up felt like a check to make sure you were no longer in the home you had to grow up in far too quickly. However, the comfort of being in a different home only came so far when you didn't have anyone beside you or even emotionally available enough to talk to.

You stayed in bed for hours before it felt like a good idea to move, almost waiting for the mirage of change to fade before it brought you back to the gym with your mom or your uncle's apartment littered with whiskey bottles and leaky tear ducts.

Sometimes putting your best foot forward each day felt so hard with all-consuming loneliness clinging to your heels.

You had started your day going through your memory box. Hindsight said that was a poor idea. The box was a sure way to get you into a bad mood. You liked to think you breezed past all the stages of grief, but just because you accepted reality didn't make it hurt any less. The box was a strong reminder of that much as it sat with a melancholic aura. The creme color faded and the thorned vines connected to roses only added to the malicious undertones of its existence to your mental health. It was full of childhood photos, your birth certificate, school achievements, and the last known address your mom had.

Ah, your mom. What a way to bring clouds to your sunny day. You don’t know why you put yourself through the turmoil of the memory box. Maybe you were hoping it would be easier by now. You were always wrong. Looking through childhood photos and finding no love in the eyes of your mother when she looked at you and watching the love in your uncle’s eyes fade with your mother’s presence. You got to the fated birthday card, thumb rubbing over the defunct address longingly. You held the envelope in your hand, inspecting the birthday card she sent you. Three words in the repetitive note written on the inside caught your eye, and not the ones you so desperately wanted from her.

Feeling a familiar pressure behind your eyes, you tossed the card aside and stood. It was time to eat, go on a walk, do anything other than this. You found your way to the kitchen and came across a silent and solemn Jungkook. His jaw was clenched, but it felt like it always was around you.

Your relationship with Jungkook so far was not very complicated, in the way it was nonexistent. He either didn’t care about talking to you or he actively didn’t want to, you really couldn’t tell. This didn’t stop you from trying, though. Like an idiot.

“I’m making food, did you want any?” You asked from your place seated on the couch, and the silence that was his response for deafening, “Okaaaay.” You sang awkwardly, “I just know that you usually don’t eat throughout the day and-”

“And what do you know?!” He snapped, blinded by his pure and unbridled, but most important unprovoked, rage of you. Your eyes widened and your body jumped. Holy shit, you had never heard him yell like this, “You don’t know anything about me, or in general, so just stop trying so fucking hard!” He was harsh in his tone and it lit your whole nervous system on fire. What the hell did you do to him?

You shook your head, not sure why he was yelling about, but it made your throat feel like it was going to close, “Look, I was just trying to be polite, but you don’t need to talk about me like you understand-”

“Understand?! What’s there to understand?” He challenged, eyes wide like he was expecting you to say something but he continued, “You’re some spoiled girl living here rent-free because your precious dad doesn’t want to take care of you.”

Your heart caught in your throat as it shattered. He was right, your dad didn't want to take care of you, but not in the way he thought. Why was he doing this? Has he genuinely felt this way all along? Was he just holding in his anger until you poked the bear a little too hard? “You don’t need to yell at me.” You stated firmly and it seemed to only make things worse.

“And you don’t need to fucking be here in the first place!” He spoke, temper long lost and you could hear his voice mix in with Jungyoon’s, all he needed was a bottle of whisky and a set of calloused hands, “You didn’t need to fucking live here-”

“You don’t know anything about me.” You spat out. Now, you were losing your temper. You could take a beating, but for only so long, especially as an adult, "And it's not like you're paying rent either, so what do you know about me or my living arrangements?" You hissed and you watched his eyes flare, making you nearly regret your provocation.

“No, but I know how you look naked-”

“Fuck you.” You spit the word out at him, something you haven’t done to another person for a while “Don’t weaponize my work or play a game that you absolutely will lose.” You warned, “I know all about you, and I can use that, because you’ve been a star since you were 15, and that sucks, that makes you mad, doesn’t it?” Your temper effectively lost as you ripped into the rage-filled man before you, “Yet you don’t know anything about me, and that must piss you the fuck off, huh?” You stood from the couch, tears building in your eyes before you could stop it.

“I know enough, spoiled rich girl.” He seethed and you laughed humorlessly at this worldwide pop star calling you spoiled and rich.

“Not only are you wrong, but you’re also a poor listener.” You shot back, “I’ve told you all before Jungyoon isn’t my fucking dad, he’s my uncle.” His mouth opened but you cut him off before he could start, “He can’t stand the sight of me so he travels for work.” Your tears are undoubtedly falling, but you can’t stop, “And you’re talking to me like this because what? You had a scandal or something?” You gave him his chance to talk and boy, he took it.

“Mona told me you know your mom.” His voice was like venom, “So, why the fuck are you here? You have your blood relatives.” He exaggerated the word like it meant anything to you, “Why are you here, disrupting our lives, acting like an innocent orphan girl around actual fucking orphans-”

“I never said I was or acted like an orphan!” You exclaimed incredulously before scoffing, “That’s why you’re mad? Because you never knew your mom and I did? Because I know who my blood family is?” You could laugh at how ridiculous that was, “I know them, so what? Where does that get me?” You looked at him expectantly but he didn’t talk, “I knew my mom, and guess what? She just didn’t fucking want me.” He was silent, but you still couldn’t stop, “I’m sure if your mom could’ve got to know you, she would’ve kept you, because you’re not insufferable to be around, you’re just a fucking asshole.” You wiped at your cheeks furiously, “But me? I had 15 years to prove myself and it still wasn’t enough. I still wasn’t enough. Jungyoon never wanted me either, he got stuck with me and had to cope.” Your voice began to break and you had to take a breath, “I was the insufferable one, so-” You stopped, finally as you regained your sense of reality and watched Jungkook who had an unreadable expression and the realization of the word vomit you spilled out to him hit you like a train as you exhaled quickly, rage in your voice quickly replaced with soft melancholy “I am the insufferable one here, so there.” You shrugged, face a wet mess, “Hope that brings you peace.” Your stomach was churning as you turned on your heel, unable to hold in your sobs. You couldn’t bear the awkwardness of waiting for the elevator so you opted to take the stairs.

You sobbed louder as the door slammed shut behind you, but you didn’t want to linger so you bolted down the stairs, the bile in your stomach signaling that you needed to find the nearest trashcan and quickly. You made it to the ground floor and spilled your guts into the small trashcan. Yelling always made you unbelievably ill, whether it was getting yelled at or yelling, the sickness it made you feel overflowed. The yelling only reminded you of-

You vomited again at the mere thought. You cried harder when you finally finished, breathing becoming staggered as you began to panic.

Fuck, they’re gonna kick you out, and then you’ll be alone again. You lost your temper, people don’t like other people who lose their temper. Why couldn’t you just mind your own fucking business and leave him be? You’re stupid. Why do you think you’ve been alone all your life? It’s because people don’t want to be near you. You’re-

“Insufferable.” You mumbled, numb, even if for only a moment.

Sure, Jungkook provoked you, but you knew better. You didn't go to therapist after therapist throughout your adolescence for nothing. You felt as if you set yourself back eons after that outburst. He didn't need to know all that about you, ever. He probably didn't even care to know, and you said it anyway, like you were gunning for gold in the trauma Olympics. You didn't want to minimize his struggles, you just wanted him to shut up and stop yelling at you. You let your eyes flutter closed as you cried. How can you complain about being alone when you're like this?

You don’t know how long you stayed there, sitting next to a trash can full of your vomit as you wallowed in your self-hatred. The all-consuming loneliness the boisterous house subdued returning with full force. Jungkook was right. You didn’t need to be here. You were only disrupting their routine.

You blew out a sigh as you staggered to the elevator, fully set on going up to your room and crying yourself to sleep after you clean up. You brought the trashcan with you, not having the heart to just leave your puke down there. You thanked your lucky stars when Jungkook was no longer on the second floor as you went to the kitchen and rinsed your mouth before going to take out the trash and take out your burnt oven pizza. Finally, you were headed back up to your floor. You watched the numbers tick by with tired eyes. You glared at the empty trashcan, electing to take it with you instead of making the trip back down to put it back. Surely, they wouldn’t need it for a few hours.

The elevator dinged as you grabbed the black plastic bin and then you were met with Jungkook. Relief flashed across his face before irritation settled on it, “Where the fuck were you?!” He asked hurriedly as you trudged past him, too exhausted to fight. You were running on autopilot the whole way up here, and you couldn’t bear another spat.

“I was on the first floor.” Your voice was low, trying to communicate you were done arguing as you lifted the bin as proof. You then set it down and went to your bathroom and began brushing your teeth.

He scoffed, “You were on the first floor for 30 minutes?” He asked as if he caught you in a lie but you nodded as you rinsed your mouth.

You were down there for thirty minutes? No wonder you felt so tired.

“Yep.” You popped the last letter before correcting yourself, “Well, I spent like 10 minutes cleaning up that bin, so not exactly.”

“Why?” He asked as if you were being ridiculous, as if he wasn’t the one on your floor demanding answers.

“I vomited.” You spoke simply and before he could ask, “Yelling makes me puke.” You were so blase about it he sighed in frustration.

You walked to your room and froze when you saw your memory box strewn about, and it was like a dam broke all over again. You looked at the photos, at the eager little girl looking for love in places she would never find it.

Old habits die hard.

Before you could even stop yourself, you sunk to your knees in garbled sobs and broken cries, “Hey, hey, wait.” Jungkook’s shaky voice did nothing to bring you back to reality as you cried. His hands placed themselves on your shoulder, making you flinch violently, much to his horror.

Fuck, he didn’t know how to do this. He didn’t know why you were crying, but he knew it was his fault, at least in part. Even if at this moment it wasn’t, his outburst surely didn’t help. Fuck, he’s so dumb. Fuck, he shouldn’t have talked to Mona just moments before seeing you.

The envy of even seeing your own mother’s face ate up at him and he took it out on you. Not to mention that he made you vomit from the yelling. He suddenly felt more like an arrogant asshole than he did before as his hands now hovered over your form and he took a moment to look at your room.

Scattered on the floor were childhood photos and ribbons from competitions. Things Mona kept in her own house, having a whole wall filled with every one of their achievements. Even Jin had a photo album of their things. And you, you kept all these for yourself. You were the only one who cared enough to save these things and he wondered how much you threw away to maintain space in the small empty box. Fuck, he didn’t know how to do this.

You sighed shakily, “You can just go.” You cried, “You don’t have to be here.” You don’t know what he could possibly gain from watching you cry.

“I know.” His voice was calm, even, “Can I help you up?” He asked and you wanted to look up at him in confusion but you didn't want him to see your tears.

You both had just ripped into each other, and here he was, wanting to help you. Why would he do that? Why would he stay when he doesn't have to? Why would he want to help you up after a fight?

Too tired to even think about questioning him and no longer angry at him, you simply scoffed, “Can you?” You sighed, not having the energy to stroke his ego and stand up without his help.

You never let people bear your dead weight, not wanting the awkwardness if they couldn’t carry you, but right now, you just wanted to lay down.

He snorted lightly, happy to hear anything other than a sob for you, “Don’t worry about me, you just cry and mind your business.” He spoke lightly, and the comment made you fight a smile. Then, he lifted you with so much ease, you figured he was trying to show off as he placed you on the bed. He looked at you after he sat on the floor before his eyes caught onto the gold foil of a 16th birthday card. You were wiping at your face as he read the card against his better judgment.

I know you must be confused, and I can’t help that. I wish I could pretend to be a mom, but I can’t. I can’t be your mom, and I never should have tried. It would be best if we forgot each other. I just can’t keep pretending, and I know you can see it, even if you don’t want to.

I’m so tired.

-Mom

Now, he felt even more like an asshole. He also felt a little bit angry that your mother could just leave you behind without so much as saying sorry. She wrote like she was a teenager and you were her mother. She obviously didn't put much thought into the seemingly last message to her daughter and it made his heartbreak for you, “That was the last I heard of her.” You snapped him from his thoughts and he looked at your puffy face, “She had left months earlier, and then I got that, but she moved before I could try to see her one more time.” There was a distant ache in your words as you looked at Jungkook sitting amongst your memories.

“Is she… still alive?” He asked, not sure why he felt the need to know.

“Not sure, but it doesn’t make much of a difference, I guess.” You blew out a sigh, before looking at your papers and folded posterboards, “I was cleaning out my memory box, and I’m not sure why I do it when I know it just upsets me.” You could still feel tears leaking from your eyes as Jungkook picked up a photo of you on your 14th birthday, posed between Jungyoon and your mom. You had a bright smile on your face and they looked at the camera with a tight expression, “You can really see how much they didn’t want to be there, but that's the happiest they look in all of the photos.”

He wanted to say you were wrong, but he could see it. He could see the happy little girl trying to make up for the unhappy adults around her. He knew he should’ve asked Mona why Jungyoon didn’t try to call or visit or why she was so eager to take you in if you knew your family. He should’ve just known better. Yeah, he understood how it felt to be alone growing up, they all did, but by the time they were all 17 they had a home that wanted them. You were going to graduate from college soon and you still felt unwanted.

No thanks to him.

“I’m sorry.” He blurted and you looked at him with wide eyes, “For being an asshole, I’m sorry- and for making you cry. I just…” He shrugged, “You’re right. I was jealous you knew your mom and I already was suspicious of you and I- I’m dumb, and I’m sorry.” He looked at you, eyes a bit glossy and you wondered when was the last time someone apologized for making you cry.

“It’s okay.” You smiled weakly, “You are dumb, but that’s okay.” You chuckled when he frowned, but eventually, he also broke into a short laugh, “I think… we’ve felt a lot of the same things in different ways, so I can’t blame you.” He wondered how you could be so forgiving, and he was scared of how many times that has gotten you hurt, “I like living here and I like all of you, so I hope I can get you all to like me too, even if just a little.”

“Don’t accept less than you deserve.” He spoke firmly before he started picking up your memory box, putting things neatly back in.

“Wh-”

He waved his hands nonchalantly, “You, sleep, I’ll clean this up and order some food.” He didn’t look at you as he said this, mostly to hide his blush, "If...If you want, I can give this to Jin. He has a whole place he keeps our stuff like this… he's really sentimental." He stumbled, still refusing to look at you.

However, he jumped when he heard you hiccup a cry. Ready to apologize, Jungkook was just about to turn to look at you until he heard you speak, "That… That sounds very sweet of you to do." You wiped a sentimental tear away as the blushing boy remained frozen.

"It's Jin's hobby, not mine." He deflected before waving his hand at you, "Sleep, I said." He frantically demanded.

You could see his ears getting red and you smiled, “Yes, sir.” You mocked in your work voice and made him freeze for a moment as you erupted into giggles while he whined, “Okay, okay, I’ll sleep.”

Eventually, you surrendered to your exhaustion as he delicately put away your papers and photos. He hummed lightly, smiling as he came across your debate team awards. No wonder he lost the fight before it even started. He turned around after lifting the box and sighed almost dreamily as he watched your sleeping face. You were beautiful, delicate, and puffy from the tears. He had the urge to keep apologizing for being such an asshole, but after looking through your achievements and your photos, he resolved to just keep proving it.

He wouldn’t let you get hurt again. Not by him or anyone, especially your mother, even Jungyoon was on thin ice.

His blood boiled at the thought of your mother for a reason he couldn’t understand. His hand extended shakily as he pulled the covers up to your shoulder and you hummed contently, making his heart melt a bit at the little smile you had. He wouldn’t fuck up with you again, not like this. He would be nice, at least a little, and first and foremost, he would order food you liked.

He froze.

Fuck, what food do you like?

He relaxed. Well, he could just ask the guys.

Fuck, they’re gonna ask questions.

Fuck, they’re gonna kill him when they found out he made you cry.

He looked back at your sleeping form, not having the heart to wake you up. He sighed, looks like he’ll just have to bite the bullet. He dreaded each moment as he quickly made an untitled group chat with the guys since you were added to their original one. He could only hope Taehyung wouldn’t change the group chat name to something stupid.

Tip Jar

#yandere bts #soft yandere bts #bts fanfic #bts series #yandere jungkook #bts angst #bts fluff #poly bts au

427 notes · View notes