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#yeah feeling like shit rn

bootyful-seventeen · 4 months

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Oh gosh okay so I went back to marinating more on long haired Jihoon, but specifically long haired Jihoon getting pegged has me chewing on the bars of my enclosure to get out

Like just think of how pretty he'd look when he's on all fours and your fucking into him!! His chest blushed and heaving from how needy he is for you and the way your touch just feels so good and electric running along your skin! Your fingers then threading through his hair to pull his head up to see his thoroughly fucked out and flushed face in the mirror you placed in front of the bed. His eyes rolling back into his skull as cute little whimpers and cries slip from his lips when you brush your lips along his shoulder and licking up his neck before nibbling on his earlobe. Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh and even the louder moans he'd make if you gripped his cheeks in your hands and pounded him into the mattress, his back arching so nicely that you can't help but run a hand up his spine and wrap his long hair around your fist while he trembled underneath you whimpering about how he's gonna cum. Your eyes dropping down to watch his slick hole swallowing your strap on with ease from being played with for so long before getting bent over. Jihoon's whines getting louder from hand slipping between his thighs to jerk off his leaky cock until he's releasing spurts onto the sheets under him. Tears springing from his eyes as you fuck him at a harder and faster pace until he was left gasping for air, his thighs shaking from keeping his ass up when your strap slips out of his trembling hole and a relieved smile on his face as you cooed about how good he was for you, and how he looks so pretty all fucked out like this between kisses along his spine

#seventeen smut #woozi smut #jihoon smut #i'm sorry i'm back in my geto jihoon thoughts of him with some long hair. like long ass hair like him and this started cuz #i saw a post on ig from the alley saying that they'll have more jjk merch coming soon and i really wanna get the keychains #especially since my slutty little toji is included too like oh my god #but yeah i think i might be good enough to try writing again but bit by bit #mostly cuz the ways i've been coping with stress and anxiety hasn't been as effective but writing this has helped me calm down a bit #and get me focused on something else cuz i've had too many peer reviews that i think i should probably get assessed by a doctor soon #but yee ya girl sammy is making baby steps of a return rn since writing this didn't feel draining at all and it made me so happy!!!#this shit has me feeling like austin powers when he got his mojo back lmaooooo #m:jihoon

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smallest-moon · 9 months

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thinking about this one post i saw earlier about plants and how they talk at ranges 40/80khz and now im imagining like:

au where everything is the same but nai is not batshit crazy so he has always been traveling alonside vash and they still encounter milly, meryl and wolfwood but the big difference is that the twins can also communicate at a range where the others cant hear

nai: im going to murder that priest vash: nai no, he didnt do anything nai: he is flirting with you... BADLY! i think he deserves a little stab at the very least vash: NO STABBING!

milly: are you two communicating telepathically? meryl: yeah cause youre making weird faces at each other nai: yes vash: no

#listen i know it sounds stupid but like yeah it is supposed to be stupid #i want nai to be the unintentional funny man he can be by delivering his lines with a deadpan face #nai thinks its hilarious that they think they can communicate with their minds #vash explains it isnt like that but the others simply ignore and say its telepathy anyway #i deserve funny twin shenanigans #i want them to be little shits to each other and together to others #do you feel me fam?#and i know the original post has nothing to do with this but its what made my brain think i cant find it rn but i will try to add it later #if i dont forget #trigun #nicholas wolfwood #vash stampede #vashwood #knives millions #meryl stryfe #milly thompson

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shadowqnights · 13 days

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*grabs a can opener*

Spill them worms

oh my gosh i started writing out an essay, accidentally refreshed and deleted it, and now i'm back trying to figure out how to word this.

i'm one of the freaks who actually likes mcd aaron and i love rewriting him. and i'm of the mind that one of the best ways to make aaron and aph more interesting in both universes (and fix a lot of stuff in aph's case) is by having them as werewolves - aph, whether knowingly or unknowingly, entering pdh as a werewolf. aaron being a werewolf in mcd. reversing their roles in each universe.

but the aph thing is a whole OTHER can of worms so specifically in relation to the dog rule in mcd. i'm super passionate about werewolf aaron. this is a crash course for some of my rewrite thoughts. strap in because this one is going to be so long i am so sorry.

in my rewrite aaron is actually not a werewolf at all by technicality since he's cursed by a member of the divine. as opposed to the other wolfkin, there's no way for him to have wolf features in his human form, no ears or tail. he's got a purely human form and a purely wolf form - albeit an unusually massive wolf, but in all other manners resembles a natural animal. he can only be one or the other, nothing inbetween.

his backstory ties very strongly into the ultima origins that you see in mystreet as well. simply put because if i start i'm not going to stop - aaron makes a sacrifice to try and save his dying lily, angers a member of the divine and is transformed into this new form as punishment only to find the efforts in vain nonetheless. cue falcon claw's tragedy.

being a wolf fits aaron to me in a number of ways - firstly that he's literally a lone wolf. he's determined to isolate himself, wander alone and unbothered. he believes that the only way to fulfill his end goal is on his own because his beef is personal. there's no need to get involved in other people's affairs. he has walls up, and while being very gruff and self-serving, has a secret soft side - usually with children. otherwise not much matters to him except vengeance and dying. he's a wandering wolf vigilante of sorts, without even meaning to. he describes himself as a broken human. to me he leans entirely into his cursed form in his grief and becomes very much animal. he barely ever speaks as a human and barely even takes that form unless critically injured/fatigued; he is nothing but a wolf. he tries incredibly hard to see the world as an animal would, but there's a frustrating shred of his human morality that forces him to do the 'right thing' - like saving aph, like saving dante. it's also just a plain interesting approach to his character that makes him more complicated

and because he's this gruff, silent old dog who's convinced he has to die alone, of course the young bright kids are going to flock to him. in this way i love indulging in the dog rule in the way that aaron is the oldest, in some ways the wisest and has lived through a lot of hardships in both human and animal form. and in that animal form he can become the perfect mentor for members of the younger cast who need his guidance. as a wolf aaron is more than anything else a survivor, and other survivors tend to seek him out of instinct. he tries to distance himself, insist that he is a lone wolf *doomed* to live out the rest of his days spiraling in animal hate, in anger, fighting and mauling and earning new scars until the day he can kill zane and then die. but that is very much the human part of him reflecting on the animal part. the animal knows violence. the human justifies it because his suffering has led him there.

aaron's dog rule functions best with others. his relationship with aph works best starting from distrust and disinterest and growing into a friendship/mentorship. because there is a canonical foundation for them to have a bond - because they are/were both lords, both once cared incredibly deeply for their chosen people, both have survived hardships and both of them despise zane. they have a mutual goal and their working together makes sense. if you're that one oomf who likes aarmau then i like to think of them in mcd as having a relationship akin to that of Wolf Children (please watch highly recommend) but as a wolf i feel he would make a great mentor for her too. in a way that only aaron specifically can deliver. i don't explicitly make aph animal, per say, the way that nicole and aaron can shift. but metaphorically there is very much something animal in her. same as dante. the both of them, to me, are younger, they're like cubs trailing at aaron's heels and after some time he takes them in, but aren't physically transformed in any way (though i have AUs where they definitely can).

they have differing relationships to him. aph certainly begins as a naive sunshine character - and as she slowly learns about her world and its history, that sunshine fades a little. she wants so badly to fit in amongst the ordinary people of phoenix drop; she works hard to learn and become one of them. even when (in rewrite + rebirth) she becomes lord out of desperation, merely thinking she's doing these people service by keeping phoenix drop alive, she's trying to be One of them. this animal side of aph to me arrives in the form of her magicks. she finds that not only does her light heal, that it is also quite literally a searing, burning light, something that can hurt. worse, that she feels a sickening rush of power, realising that she has this violent and unpredictable form of self-defense. as this naive pacifist, it offers the bridge to a new chapter of her life that she isn't prepared for; it solidifies that she isn't ordinary, that she woke up for a purpose. and that her allegiances are changing - especially in s2, in the wake of everything falling apart, everything being different and wrong, the people who went into irene's dimension with her are very much the only people who understand. she seeks companionship with aaron because she is ashamed of the feelings inside of her, that she describes as animal because she doesn't know what else to make of it. her magicks feel like an animal separate to her human self because in a way those are irene's magicks, that's irene as a distinct Piece of her, and those things are wilder than the body she was reborn in.

-> incorporating parts of loverman into this, also why aph becomes so strongly bonded with katelyn. because their magicks call to each other. fire and light. they both burn and they end up relating strongly to each other and being weirdly attracted to each others magick. they are both destructive and animalistic, it's just that katelyn is far more attached to her humanity.

aph finds aaron's silence comforting rather than disarming. everyone else finds him weird and a little bit offputting / alienating. she is rather comforted by it. she's spent so long trying to learn what it means to be human because she was born into a human body without any memories - so much so that being with aaron, who is hardly ever human, brings her a lot of comfort. in a way, she finds the most peace with people who are very grounded and well connected to the earth and nature - with zoey, kiki, cadenza, namely, and then aaron. her friendship group, excluding that of her guards, have certain connections to the earth and have very nurturing personalities. she's drawn to that by nature (thanks irene!).

and aaron specifically, who spends the most time as a wolf. when he's not fighting, he's hunting, travelling, and resting. in a human form, i feel there's not much for him to teach her because she's already been through this period of struggle in her mortal body - she's already learned from people like garroth, donna, brendan, namely in rewrite. she has people who can teach her how to fight and how to be a diplomat. she's had a number of mentors and a strong circle of friendship to guide her. she has so many human companions. but aaron is so much more complicated than that. as a wolf, i feel she would seek him out as a teacher. even on the more metaphorical sense that she feels like a broken human, and the only individual who could possibly understand or at least empathise with her place in the world is him. she wants to run wild with him, wants to be in the thick of the woods, the middle of nowhere, wants to pretend as if she could be cursed, too, as if she could find a form that relieves her of the weight of human fears. perhaps then she could embrace this power inside of her.

dante is different because its dante and he's ALWAYS different in some way. god. where to begin. okay so dante is also metaphorically animal in a way that is specifically only in reference to his relationship with aaron. he is aaron's brother and a cub to him in a way that starts out transactional. back to the loverman elements of rewrite for a second:

-> at this point aaron is almost Always using his wolf form . ignore that he was human when he saved aph because i didn't know what i was doing yet. aaron, as a wolf, still has a Shred of 'justice', hence why he finds himself so regularly saving people. because even as a human he considered the circle of life very sacred, and in keeping with kul'zac's teachings as a hunter he was very much so respectful of wildlife and only killing out of necessity rather than for sport or selfish gain (as in, hunting for food and using the absolute Most of those bodies, not taking more than needed). he was very faithful to his shepherd in that regard (until the period when he was cursed. but that's a whole other post). post-curse there is a very deliberate change when aaron becomes a little bit carried away but through it all, he is very conscious of that circle of life. that cycle. even as this vigilante figure, he's very specific with the fights he picks. he saves lost children in the woods, he mauls shadow knights & and in short he sees fit to punish the people/creatures who harm the weak and defenseless for sport, for selfish gain, because (1) that personal justice that is a part of his former worship/morality he can't shake, and (2) maybe a small part of him hopes that if he lives that way for long enough, kul'zac will restore him OR take pity on him and let him die.

he's secretly very particular. even when he can't admit it, his sense of justice is strong. saving aphmau was dubious because she was unknowingly in fer salem (southern wolf tribe) territory and was injured. but she cried for help and he answered. but specifically when aaron is hanging around phoenix drop, he's tracking a volatile shadow knight that attacks him immediately in wolf form, and that alone is enough for aaron to decide that the shadow knights (or just merely. the dudes with That scent specifically) are bad and kill regularly in mass for sport, therefore need punishment.

he sees dante for the first time and thinks of him as a bird, a prey animal, because he acts like one. he is skittish and tentative and blindly wandering through unfamiliar woods. and aaron goes ok that one isn't to be hunted. so when later he finds a shadow knight cornering the group including dante, who he vaguely recognises, the Right thing to do is to attack the shadow knight. (which happens to be gene, therefore saving the life of dante + his companions. so by extension saving aph again, plus garroth and laurance).

dante and aaron are all about transaction. aaron saves dante's life. so then when dante finds him bleeding out in the woods, he saves HIS life. the debt is repaid, but then the other does something to begin a new debt, and they become trapped in a cycle. dante kind of despises him because at that point he has such horrifically complex feelings on gene. such terrible baggage that he doesn't know if he hates him for attacking gene or loves him for attacking gene. it's weird and fucked up and more than anything he knows that he at the very least owes aaron something, so with that in mind he grits his teeth and helps to heal him. which is a slow, gradual process, because aaron has a LOT of wounds, more than just the ones gene inflicted in the fight. dante doesn't even know that he has a human form at this point - it's merely his sense of kindness to take pity on this animal that tried to (and possibly succeeded, since he has no idea of gene's fate yet) kill his horrible older brother. in aaron's weakness, he can't control the wolf, so he turns human briefly and dante realises that he's getting involved in something way more complicated than he bargained for. story of his life. still, he perseveres - and aaron is a stubborn, lonely idiot, and a wolf does not need human medicine. so dante gives up on trying to convince him to come back to phoenix drop and treks into the woods on the daily to tend to aaron's wounds. which he protests but all in all is wayyy too weak and tired to actually Fight it.

in this way they very gradually earn each other's trust and aaron begrudgingly hangs around. dante saved his life again, so now he owes ANOTHER life debt. and aaron is all about paying back debts. in his youth his love language was acts of service, his very bonding with lily was full of debts and transactions and trading.

so as a wolf he lets dante stick around and protects him. the cycle of debts continues in increasingly obsessive/codependent ways [in ways that i'm reluctant to talk about unless asked because loverman spoilers but in short aaron becomes a brother figure for dante, relieving him of the baggage left by gene.]

in this way i consider dante a cub because he's young and he's CLINGING to aaron in a way that, while still a little bit pathetic, its made better by the fact that aaron reciprocates some amount of care towards him and they take care of each other. he's a good brother. when they get close, they get CLOSE. it takes a while, of course, like a year+ to fully earn each other's trust. he's a cub in the way that he's young, barely 19 and has been treated akin to a sopping wet stray dog abandoned too many times. and in a metaphorical sense his shelter becomes an older, wiser wolf who is somehow far more kind and gentle and less animalistic than his human biological brother. and beneath that gruff exterior there is genuinely care in aaron; his care for dante specifically re-inspires a certain purpose in him and opens him up to a future Beyond zane that doesn't just involve his own death. in that way, by association, dante to me is a dog/wolf of his own, and would even consider himself as such because of his relationship with aaron. he is very attached to the idea of being non-human because of his suffering, in which i think he would relate so incredibly strongly to aaron. maybe he secretly wishes he too was gifted with a curse that allowed him to endure pain in the form of a wolf and spare him of human things like regret and remorse. and he's drawn to the mystery of the shapeshifting characters - he is enamoured with nicole at first because he is the first to pick up on her fox form.

aaron also draws dante down a path of maturity and sets his character development in motion - he becomes a bit more merciless, brutal, unforgiving, able to stand up for himself better because of aaron's influence. as if he grew up as a dog kicked down, abandoned and mistreated and neglected, and as he grows up he is taught that he has teeth, and he is allowed to use them. plus the fact that you can take dog rule dante really literally and explore his entire life through that lens but specifically i also love the idea that this pathetic human boy is so attached to his teacher/brother, so obsessed with the idea of sharing someone's blood that isn't gene's, that he fully leans into it. he is someone's animal brother. his wolf brother. his kin. they protect each other. and when the time comes aaron has also grown and while he's always been far more gentle and protective over children, he is especially fond of dante's child [ dmitri, not nekoette's rewrite self, i'm a dancole believer. ].

and in this way they kind of make a fucked up little family. dante and aph consider each other brother and sister - dante finds a new brother in aaron, who thus takes on the role of mentorship for aph.

and . and that's literally just a starter. a very basic crash course but yeah idk i approach them in different ways dependant on what AU you're asking me about. everything i've talked about here is specifically rewrite thoughts + dog rule but honestly i wouldn't be opposed to making dante a werewolf in kennel au or something. and aph as a werewolf would also be really cute and i'm a big fan since she already is one in my mystreet rewrite . one big wolf found family.

#sorry i feel frazzled this may make no snese to feel free to ask for clarification or more info anywhere #i love answering asks with giant ass essays sorry i love talking about my rewrite. feel free to ask me questions about any character anytim #welcome to beeland!#sorry this took days i was like. on and off writing this whenever i got the rush of brainworms #bee's buzzing #mcd #minecraft diaries #aphmau #dante #aaron lycan #oh yeah im insane im insane #no one is awake rn so im going to reblog again tomorrow i cant be bothered to schedule shit rn

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faggyangel · 7 months

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can't stop thinking about characters who are dogs. like characters who bark and growl. who bite the hands that feed them and that get mean when they're nervous like bad dogs, who can't help gnawing at a good thing until it bleeds. characters who are loyal and possessive and protective but reckless and feral and rabid. characters who wanna sit at the feet of their owners and characters that can't stop losing. characters who are kicked like strays and put in cages. characters who are muzzled and loud and obedient and mean. characters who are just foaming at the mouth for love and attention, characters who are hungry and savage. characters who are just. dogs.

#this about so many people i cant even say all of them #like it can be anyone from jamie tartt in a very obedient he wants love and protection kind of good dog way to izzy hands who is a bad dog #he bites and barks and wants to be pinned and muzzled #to fuckingg idk will graham or jace herondale or simon snow or miss rebecca bunch she is such a dog she is so dog like at heart #or crowley even i feel like is a bit of a dog loyal and kicked and strayed #love this shit so goddamn much its crazy foaming at the mouth like a dog rn #does this shit even make sense i'm just fucking obsessed with that imagery #FUCK someone said roman roy YEAH #bad dog tag #annnnddd fucking jace herondale and alec and izzy lightwood theyre all dogs btw

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iknowicanbutwhy · 1 year

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"This is Tails. Sorry. You just- you haven't been picking up your communicator, and I meant to leave it be, and I know I said I wanted to take some time- to myself, and I haven't called for a bit, but I wanted to bother you- I DIDN'T want to bother you, I just- i know I said that I-"

*sigh*

"I'm trying to be tougher. Y'know, be okay on my own. But I've been really- thinking. Not talking... does that really have to be part of it? I've thought about it logically- because I guess it was kind of an emotional decision to go away, even if it IS also rational-"

"Tangent. Anyways... "Asking for help is a part of growing up," you said. Remember?"

"You're pretty great at holding yourself together. A-and I need to get better at that. But I still think.. that we should talk about things. We should talk about what happened.... and I know you're gonna go "I don't know what you're talking about, buddy!" and change the subject-"

[...If only I could access my data on Father's recorded history of him.]

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic frontiers #memory transfer au #sonic frontiers au #art #fanart #kitscribbles #sage robotnik #because she's there that's her and i guess ill tag her #CONTEXT. IT IS COMING. IT IS INCOMING LIKE A VERY SLOW MISSILE BUT IT'S COMING #over here like 'i cant draw sonic for shit' and then drew him several times #granted i still cant im just saying low quality is probably my best quality #anywhomst #sage becoming friends with sonic's friends over the phone.. can you imagine..#they can't see all the little things that are wrong with him - him posture him expressions the weird way his eyes sometimes flicker black #'cyber energy's' a wacky thing i suppose #and she can go 'haha yeah tell me more about what YOU guys are doing haha i wanna know more about that we've talked about me enough rn'#you ever just hear someone talk about their day and how happy they are with how things are going and just feel happy for them #yeah #i think tails in particular really gets to sage. she has to comfort him sometimes #tails calls back when sage doesn't for a few days and sage picks it up and tails is all #haha im so sorry about that previous call let's just pretend it didnt happen?? yeah i think thats what we're doing i was just. having a #day for some reason dw bout it. How are things with you?? and sage is all hm lets not talk about that actually can we rather talk about #the other thing and tails is like.. woah really #sage trying to gather information while also trying to be nice to tails and it just kinda gets personal

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feline-evil · 1 month

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Aoetic desecration and S.O.S both having this rising section of guitar, but in AD it ends after just a few rounds whereas in S.O.S it just keeps climbing and climbing and climbing higher and higher; and the way that section version of that guitar section puts me in mind of the visuals of Nathan climbing that hill during Knubbler's training, making it feel as if S.O.S is triumphant not effortlessly but with great effort and exertion to keep rising and not falling- because failing or giving up is easier sometimes but that doesn't make it the right thing to do, same as sometimes persevering and succeeding and doing the right thing is sometimes hard fucking work but that doesn't make it worthless or not something you should do.

This isn't a hidden theme, its just textual it's literally what Nathan's arc entails, i'm not saying anything big nor smart lol- but i do just like how narratively the instrumentals of the movies music drive the movies themes home too in this way! It adds so much more to feel and sink your teeth into when it comes to this plotline about him having to put the effort in to be a better person and to grow and do the right thing instead of just resorting to giving up or falling back on old habits and what he knows and does best!!

#jay talkin #metalocalypse #army of the doomstar #aotd spoilers #i care him so fucking much i do i cant deny it and this movie is my fuckin everything #im so tired i got no idea if im making sense rn im rlly just saying shit. anyway. aotd fucking good #n also hey w the themes around nathans wellbeing in this movie i also fuckin connect to like #IDK. IN A METAPHORICAL SENSE BEING A GUY IN A SIMILAR POSITION B4. LESS APOCALYPTIC BUT YKNOW #yyouuuu can see some of this to be abt recovery to and doing better and it makes it feel like. acknowleged that YEAH ITS FUCKING HARD #and i like that triumphant feeling of 'we have to keep fighting. its fucking hard and youll want to give up but we have to' IDK ITS GOOD #DUNNO. s'not intentional probably but i can see smth thats meaningful to me personally in there #not coherent enough to figure this personal feeling out rn maybe ill ruminate and type it out another time. im tired.

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creature-feature-creature · 5 months

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Appletun from Pokemon

APPLETUN FROM POKEMON (GEN8)

from @readysetgargoyle

Design; 9/10 - OMG ITS A MCDONALDS APPLE PIE!! freshly baked good boy. The little apple covering its eyes I'm just AUGH cause it matches applin!! the little paws. Just a baby dragon who got baked into a pie. Also it's still apple shaped with leaves on the top!! That's really cool!

Purpose/Effectiveness; 10/10 - as a grass/dragon type, I think it works really well. I'm not good with pokemon stats so i cant speak on that but I think the design conveys the typing really well. The apple motif is obviously grass, and the little lizard parts gives it the dragon it needs. Anyways it's my new favorite dragon type thank you for showing it to me :)

Overall; 9.5/10 - the cooler flapple.

#rating #rating animals #ask me stuff #ask box #appletun #pokemon #appletun pokemon #pokemon gen8 #bruh how did i not know applin had an alternate evolution #i did not know this guy existed #i feel like i comitted a crime #anyways its 11 pm so this is probably my last of like ?? 20??? posts today #between this and my main i posted so much shit today #no flapple hate btw #i just like appletun better #oh yeah just wanna mention again if anyone has pfp recommendations feel free to send them to me #rn its a shitty doodle i did of a pikmin and i feel like i can do better #ok thats all byebye :3

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quins-makeshift-menagerie · 6 months

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Surprise there's a difference between drawing for personal enjoyment pleasure as an outlet and for comfort and drawing for financial gain!!

That's like saying "You're not in an orchestra but you play the violin? Doesn't make sense" or "you're not a sculpture but you do pottery classes", let people do things for doing things!!

God forbid creatures have hobbies 🙄

#I am joking this is a joke but also yeah #like I feel bad when I can’t do commissions because the extra money would help but like #it’s picking between financially stable or mentally stable and I think I need to be more mentally stable rn #both are nice but money doesn’t mean shit if getting it makes me wanna not live 👉😎👉#also for those who read this far in my tags I will be okay #I need a good night’s sleep and a W #anonymous #ask

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hdtv34 · 14 days

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So, a while ago in the middle of the night, I wrote the beginning of a shitty Hannibal fic. I decided to post the parts I have rn on here to see if it’s good enough to continue!

Carnival of Venice AU inspired by the Cask of Amontillado

- Blood, hannigram, main character death, m/m, murder, stabbing, drinking, masks, etc. I don't know how to do this. Alt universe, Will Graham POV, 1st Person POV, grammar mistakes, unfinished, the beginning of the story and then a small snippet of the end at the bottom of the post, and probably some mistakes in characterization. I mean I was half asleep when I wrote this. I would love ideas for costume ideas for characters if anyone has any!

Quick summary of the basic idea if you don't want to read it all:

Will goes to the festival with his friends for the first time, borrowing one of their old masks. There he met this man with a gorgeous mask; one as extravagant as an elk. He wouldn't normally be able to go up to the man with the intentions that he has due to society’s expectations to love a woman, but there he has freedom. They talk for a while and eventually, the man invites him to dinner. He told him to wear a mask with no bottom half but still hide your identity so that he’d be able to eat without taking it off. They meet again the next night and they have dinner. It all seemed pleasant and peaceful at first with the meal being like that of which Will had never seen much less tasted. It was all wonderful. Eventually, he realizes that the man nor the meat was as they seemed. The man was a serial killer and a cannibal. He had done the same thing with Will with that of many others. Yet in the end ‘I truly am sorry, William. You’ve been like no other…. For you, I think that I'll eat your heart first.’

Actual fic:

I was invited to a carnival in Venice by a friend of mine, Dr. Alana Bloom. Alana typically moves between Venice and Florence, so I wasn’t initially startled by her offer. However, I was very tentative. But, in the end, guilt weighed me towards the idea. I must admit, I’m not used to events such as this. The activity was… suffocating. She gave me a spare mask, a simple one that hides the entirety of my face. It was a golden knight.

As I found myself surrounded by a crowd of sharks, I heard the laughter of her voice grow further and further. At least she finds happiness. Eventually, I find refuge from the inane and mad near a few barrels of rum, wine, beer, juice, etc. Their unmarked property assures that it is not of a soul’s awareness, which barrel contains what. It was a gamble, but wasn’t also being at this carnival? A place to be whomever and act however without discomfort or fear.

I pour myself a handle of the second barrel’s contents. With a sip, I’m pleased to find myself consuming wine. As I stand near the stand, a stag walks over to me. His mask was black with golden accents and showed the lower half of his face. The beauty and detail left me in awe. I’ve never seen someone with such a mask. I nodded softly, readjusting my hood and mask as I stopped drinking.

“Tell me, what are you drinking,” the stag asked with an accent that left me feeling confused as I attempted to pinpoint its origin.

“Red wine.”

“I see. Which barrel? They never mark these barrels for some idiotic reason.” A scowl formed on the man’s face as he looked at the barrels with distaste.

I smiled under my mask, appreciating the stag’s scowl. “The second.”

“Ah, thank you. I appreciate your help.” He pours himself a wine glass of the drink before moving to stand next to me. “Have you come to the festival before? You seem… out of place.”

“No. This is my first time. I was invited by Dr. Bl—… the um… the woman in the bluejay mask.” I shifted uncomfortably, tilting my head towards her direction.

“Dr. Alana Bloom?”

My head perks up at the mention of her name, tilting lightly.

“She’s a friend of mine,” he explains instantly, “I would rather not provide any other details as they would hint at my identity, but please be reassured that I do know Dr. Bloom quite well. Do not hesitate to converse about her with me.”

I nod, although the fact doesn’t console me fully. I continued, “She asked me to come here. Provided my mask and everything.”

“Do you enjoy it here?”

“As you mentioned, this is not my scene.”

“Then pray tell, what is your scene, my dear?”

I hesitate for a moment looking in the stag’s mask. It was as black and dark as a nightmare’s soul or as a raven’s death. “What’s yours?”

He stays quiet, turning back to the crowd in front of them.

It stays like that for a while. The two of them together watching the others dance and drink. For a moment I see a moth attempt to court a red dragon before the dragon declines and turns away.

“Ballrooms.”I snap my head back to the stag upon hearing his newly sincere voice harboring a new emotion or maybe lack of one. “Or my kitchen,” he continues.

“Your kitchen? Do you cook? A stag like you, I would’ve assumed you to afford many maids and cooks,” I say, looking into the mask. I’m sure that the fortune it must’ve cost to make would’ve sent me to the slums.

“I can, but I prefer to make my own food. No one else would make it the way I prefer.”

I hum in understanding. “I see. I’m sure you are a wonderful cook.” He hums and nods his head.

“Would you like to find out, my knight?” My head whips around towards him, his words taking me by surprise.

“That’s impossible, stag. The masks.”

“We can eat with masks. Ask Alana for one which leaves the bottom half of your face open. We can meet again here, at the same time, tomorrow night. I will be wearing the same mask. If you do not wish to, then do not show up.” The stag looks within the crowd spotting a jester walking further into it, pushing a woman butterfly along as he laughs at her. “I’m afraid I must part. My hunger is only growing, and I must prepare dinner. I yearn to meet again, my knight.” The stag bows before making his exit, walking towards where the jester was previously, going after him. They must know each other, I conclude, watching as he leaves.

The festival was nearly closed, and the crowds had almost completely dissipated. Nearby, a bluejay waves goodbye to a woman in a pig mask. She began to trot over upon realizing my location. “Will, I’ve been looking for you. Where did you go?”

“Alana, I just went to get a drink. Who was that?” I walked over to meet her halfway.

“I don’t know, but she was nice. I wish I managed to get her name. Shall we be off?”

I nodded as she led me back to her abode. The building was in one of the many lantern-lit alleys. The walls only further reminded me of my home in Florence, causing an itch to form where the heart beats and the bones grow.

As we arrived inside, we stripped off our concealing attire. I laid my mask on the table and hung my coat on the coat rack. I studied her as she took off her costume. “Alana,” I hesitantly began, “could I attend alongside you again tomorrow night? Maybe in a mask that allows me better access to my mouth?”

Alana gave me a suspicious glance. “Oh? And what would you need it for? Don’t tell me you plan a night of pleasure for yourself tomorrow with some handsome lady?”

I felt my face tense as I turned towards the fireplace. I managed a quick shake of my head as I spoke, “No, no. Nothing of the sort. I just got hungry. It was difficult to get nourishment and quench my thirst with this mask; although, I do marvel at its beauty. It was just a little-“ I paused, trying to find the word, “suffocating.” would greatly appreciate a more appropriate mask.”

Alana nodded and went to her bedroom before coming out with a gorgeous mask in hand. It was detailed with a bone-white coloring and two things that looked like ears on the side of it. She handed it to me carefully. “I went to it as a lamb a few years back. It was…enjoyable. I hope you find the same outcome.”

I attempt to hand it back to her after feeling the hills of the lines and the cannons. “Surely you can hold onto it for me until morning.”Yet, she hands it right back.

“Keep it. You never know when you might need it.” She smirks and takes her stuff as she heads back into her bedroom. “You best be leaving for your inn. I hear that it will rain before morning.”

As I lay in my bed for the night, my mind kept trembling with restless moths of thoughts, crowding the lightbulb of my sanity. In the pitch of my room, my eyes kept trying to identify the white lamb mask on my dresser, but they were left to only imagine its curves and indents.

Eventually, I shut my eyes. My mind drifts off to the darker place it usually finds residence. The woods crackle and live soundly around me as I look past black, stretching trees. In it, I see a familiar suited man with a familiar black mask. He huffs as red coats his figure. A sickening cut is heard causing me to stumble on a branch, breaking it. He spins around to face me. The mask…isn’t a mask at all. It connects to its person, merging into an overwhelming beast. A black, tall, lanky stag-man stands before me covered in blood. He was something out of children’s horrific nightmares and warnings. It creeps towards me before offering a long, lanky hand. Its fingers were twisted like tree branches and as sickening as bloody organs.

“Would you care for a dance, my lamb in knight’s clothing?”

The next night I hesitated at the entrance. The sounds of laughter and enthusiasm were overwhelming to hear as he studied the grounds.

“Will? What’s wrong? You look nervous. You weren’t nervous last night.” Alana looks at me with a furrowed brow, rubbing her soft palms over my coat. I remember a time when I used to fawn over her touch, and frequently find my gaze drifting back to her, now I just enjoy the company.

“I didn’t- I didn’t have plans tonight. I may leave tonight without you.”

“You will?”

“I might,” I correct immediately. She raises a brow. “I’m ok.”

“You were just hyperventilating.”

“I’m- I will be ok.”

“Will, tell me what’s going on.”

I hesitate, glancing into the crowd, and catching sight of the barrels. They appear alone. A frown crosses my face without apparent reason.

“Will? Are you ok?” She takes ahold of my shoulder, trying to ground me.

“Yeah, yeah. I just-…I’ll be ok. I’ve got this. I’ll be seeing you.” I leave her standing aimless and confused as I make my way through the crowd towards the barrels.

Once I arrive, the place is lonely. Not a mask in sight, much to my dismay. I pour myself a glass of the liquid in the second barrel. My face scrunches in disgust at the taste of beer after assuming wine.

A hollow laugh erupts beside me, making me whip my head towards them. “I suppose the second barrel isn’t red wine tonight, is it?”

It was the stag. His appearance brings a smile to my face. “Stag.”

“My knight, I love tonight’s mask. A lamb, yes?” I nod. “It looks beautiful on you.”

I turn back to my drink, wishing the mask covered more of my lower face. “I believe you promised me dinner, Stag.”

“I did. How could I forget?” He offers me his arm. “Shall we be off? My home isn’t far from here.”

Hesitantly I link my arm around his, letting him lead me to his abode.

—

Test for ending:

Pain seared and burned like molten lava as the blade began to carve a slit into the folds of my skin, tainting them scarlet. The blade lifted for a moment before moving to the next area for an incision. My hands wrapped the wrist, stilling the knife as it pressed softly against my skin, eliciting a small bead of blood.

My eyes blur as I look past him… at him… the pitch, lanky figure carving me like dinner. “I see you,” I rasp, softly. My voice barely evolved to a whisper. The wind brushing branches against the panels of glass windows almost hid my speech.

My hand fell slowly as I watched the eyes above me. Crimson eyes studied mine as we held each other’s gaze. “I let you see me,” he corrected quietly. His voice hid an emotion buried deep like a skeleton in a ditch. If I believed that he cared about me any more than a random stranger picked as a victim, then I would've mistaken it for remorse or regret.

I felt as he fixed his grip on the blade, pressing it in again slightly. I didn't realize that it had faltered, previously. “I truly am sorry, William. You’ve been like no other…” He pauses for a moment, studying my eyes again, a new hunger filling them. “For you, I think that I'll eat your heart first.”

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fuckdamn · 2 days

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everytime i’m faced with wild overt misogyny that’s just platformed like it’s nothing i remind myself that people don’t actually have to feel this way about women. men are fully capable of treating women like human beings and viewing them as such. “but socialization but male fantasies but patriatchy speaks through us even when we don’t recognize it” sure but actually regardless there exist men who are fundamentally not raging misogynists and they generally seem happier and better adjusted. misogyny to me isn’t disappointing because “oh i can’t believe Men, as an essentialized category of person, are like this” it’s disappointing because people make the choice to be like this. “it’s my biological imperative as a man to dominate you” okay well it’s my biological imperative as a freaky bitch to dominate you so what now. what biological imperative is making you comment “onlyfans detected opinion rejected” on every picture of any attractive woman. i think i will always be understood by most people as a woman and i’m learning to accept that and trying to like it but misogyny makes me feel very trapped of course. but misogyny is a choice. which means some people make the choice to be misogynistic which is profoundly frustrating. but many other people choose not to be actively misogynistic and i believe anyone could choose not to be actively misogynistic if they wanted. so it’s a whole thing

#lotte.txt #womanhood is a fun thing to participate in with women who do not hate women. otherwise it’s very stifling and starts to not be worth it 4 me #for other girls — cis and trans btw — i think relishing in womanhood still feels worth it even when it’s very difficult and i admire that #but apart from my fashion sense and bloodlust i feel very detached from womanhood as like this primal animate Essence #but i don’t really want to be a man either. i like being a Weird Girl i like being a Hot Weird Girl #i’m more of a Hot Weird Girl than a Hot Weird Boy and i’ve discovered that through trial and error #and calling myself nonbinary/fluid accurately describes my experience in a lot of ways. but i also sometimes feel like the label doesn’t..#serve me? if that makes sense #like i got really into kibbe in 2020 and it was like oh shit i’m a soft dramatic. how cool that there’s something that describes my body #but after a while i got exhausted with kibbe because yeah. by the logic of the system of course i’m a soft dramatic #and i operate with that knowledge in the back of my mind. but also so what. i am aware of the shape of my body now #and now i feel the label has very little left to offer me #like if you’re asking? sure i’m a kibbe soft dramatic. but i don’t hold kibbe’s system as law or view it as crucially important #that is very much how i feel rn about calling myself nonbinary #like if you want me to think about it? yeah i don’t strictly conform to the gender binary #but i don’t believe gender itself is useful for my growth - i don’t hold the institution of the gender binary sacred - why bother #why draw attention to where i exist within the system when i’m tired of defining myself in terms of the system at all. yk #aUghj. anyway

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