#i was going to delete this post but it was an interesting POV from two years ago | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ghostsprettymama · 1 year

Text

MONA LISA.

“ i want you to give in”

Warnings: smut,bullying,panick attacks,alcohol and possible drug use, anxiety, talks of suicide,toxic relationships,fatphobia,gun violence, throw up. MDNI.

Word count: 4,274 words 22,560 characters

pairings: Riri williams x Black! Reader fluff, shuri x Black! reader, top!black reader x gang member ! Shuri udaku

ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18+ UNLESS MENTIONED OTHERWISE

A/N: NAUR BC I WAS WORKING ON TS IN MY DRAFTS AND I ACCIDENTLY DELETED IT 😭😭 BUT TYSM FOR SM LOVE ON THE LAST POST HERES PART 2.

part one part three

blue text = whispering.

Y/N pov

You woke up in your room . With no collection on how you ended up there, but you do remember why you have this massive ass hangover, you checked your phone seeing Shuri’s message on instagram.

you squinted at the messages smiling, but your momment got ruined by your Brother “ wake yo ass up or T and all of us are leaving yo blackass home and you're gonna miss your first day" Said Erik on the other side.

You groaned getting up from your bed charging your phone while you went to the shower "siri play my song. " you said in your gentle morning voice.

Your phone responded automatically playing your song while you showered putting on your F/s bodywash, taking care of yourself in the shower, stepping out when youre squeaky clean and smelling good.

Youd put on your fit for the day stopping the music, taking your phone and charger with you, along with your purse so you have other mecessarities with you.

you went downstairs heading outside while Erik was waiting for you, he looked you up and down "Fuck you goin lookin like that" Erik said glaring down at you, the 6'2 man said looking down at you "take ya blackass back and change, my sister aint going out like no whore" he said.

A whore? You're dressed like a whore.. you look at him your pretty eyes threatened tears, your pretty makeup threatening to be ruined. "nono please, bee I promise you can go like that you aren't a whore" Erik said to you, your tears no longer threatening to come out.

You both headed to the car and the Udaku sibblings followed behind, shuri looked you up and down Before smacking your ass when the older brothers arent looking.

"SHURI-"

you yelped and the men turned around looking like someone was about to be murdered, both of them reaching for their hips, shuri motioned for them not to and you didnt understand why.

"sorry saw a spider" the two tall dudes sighed shaking their heads "dont do that shit again unless you want us to make sure someones not breathing anymore" said T'challa shaking his head getting in the drivers seat after unlocking one of his many cars, but he only used this one for school. you reached for shuris' hand but she shook her head " youre big now, you dont need to hold my hand" She obviously teased,

You just got in the backseat of the car with shuri, the two men sitting up front. you thought about what she had said, it made you upset either way, but you shook your head listening to one of your second favorite songs

SHURI POV

she looked at instagram going to her dms, seeing one unread dm from Riri, a close friend of hers, they werent at all interested in eachother but here and there theyd joke like they were.

She looked at the previous convo trying to remember what and who they were talking about and why, these two werre notorius shit talkers, but aint nobody stopped them, even if they can they cant.

Ohhh... she thought ttyping fast with her digits trying to carry on with the conversation hoping Riri isnt mad,Not that Shuri needs her, she js enjoys her prescense as a friend, she held Riri dearly to her.

She rolled her eyes turning her phone off, Shuri knew Riri was just concerned about Y/n, after all the school they go to is fucked up, but its the closest and least expensive one.

T'challa pulled up to the school everyone but Y/n getting out, Shuri decided to show out and open y/ns door helping her out the car. She held her hand as they walked into ths school, everyone looking Y/n up and down

"Why are they looking at me shuri.." she said to shuri in a whisper, "well maybe because youre a woman thats fine as fuck coming to a bigass school, and holding my hand?" Y/n bobbed for the answer and got the wrong apple, Shuri took the ' sarcastic asshole ' response in return for a dumb question.

T'challa pov

"You two already got your schedule right?" T'challa said turning to them, hoping to god they didnt forget the schedules at home or theyre gonna have to drive back. Even if T' challa seemed to be some ' big scary gangsta ' as titled by peers. He rather not be late to class.

"yeah, i got me and i put Y/n's schedule in her purse so we good." Erik said, T'challa got closer to erik when he pulled schedule out, shit was so crumbled you could barely read the words on there. "My nigga what the FUCK is this??" t'challa looked at him with his signature look on his face.

"Bro leave me alone i was rushing" said Erik looking back at him as if he got hit in the head with a hot comb. they both broke out into laughter not being able to take looking at eachother like that. "anyways we got the same schedule, what about you two?" T'challa looked at the girls who were already gone.

"did they ju- " T'challa turned to erik and he nodded, both of them shook their head in sync. "kids these days.."he said causing erik to chuckle.

They hated eachother but still kept the unremovable bond of their good friendship, who even knows why they arent actually friends anymore. The tale is like a mystery to people. Neither T'challa or Erik open up about it, but only shuri and the udaku sibblings mother Ramonda knew.

homeroom period bell rings

Y/N pov

She sat by Shuri and her friend Riri we met while walking around,both were on each sides of me and it mad me feel safe, she adjusted her braclets bracelets, some teachers gave her work the students were already working on,i only had gotten it due to the fact that shes a " hard worker".

Riri nudged me motioning me to pull my jacket up and cover my chest, I raised my eyebrows looking down, shit...she left hickeys on my chest you thought to yourself zipping up your jacket "Thanks Riri..." you smiled at her and she gave you a fist bump. "its nothin, a sista helps a sista out" she said as the bell rang your homeroom teacher coming in, damn she was fine.

RIRI POV

Shuri better not let this one go, i actually like her. She sighed to herself after fist-bumping her, Watching Miss Romanoff come in Rolling her eyes, she desperately loathed that woman with everything in her damn body.

“Good morning class we have a new student today, could you stand up” said Natasha,Riri glanced at her and she got up walking to the front,

I dont got a good feelin about this, She looked at shuri and shuri nodded feeling the exact feelings

Y/n POV

She got up, coming to the front of the classroom waiting for it to go silent. She gave her usual pretty smile. “ Hello im Y/n L/n and i hope this school treats me right”. She was going for her seat before Romanoff said something.

“ any facts? Like your family or you” She said to Y/n as she sat down, she looked at shuri before looking at riri, both of them shook their heads. “I Rather not, thats not anyones buisness in here anyway” you shrugged sitting back down, finishing the papers you had gotten.

Romanoff's eyebrow raised before she went to her desk handing you a paper and book. Youd put it aside before putting the papers in youur pink folder putting it in your folder.

you felt eyes on you, when you turned you looked at a white boy with brown hair and dark eyes trying to uncover who you are.

But his friend next to him calling him, causing the boy to look away.

You raised an eyebrow at his actions, a weird one you thought. Maybe he wanted to play a game, but you werent interested in some white boy with a staring problems games.

After class

you and your two friends left first standing by the lockers and talking about what had happened, shuri paid attention to your body language taking note of Peter, if he made you uncomfy she would do something about it, if he didn't then he was fine.

“Yeah, the weird guy? Peter, he’s usually talking to ned in their world, I don't know what's up with me today.” Riri said shrugging it off, you dismissed it too not caring about him either way, shuri looked at Peter and ned while you two talked. “I just find it weird that the nigga was staring at me like I'm the Mona Lisa,” you said uncomfy with what he did. “Hold that thought” riri and shuri went over to the two guys.

you were on your phone as you suddenly looked up seeing two red marks on peters face.

Shuri POV

She was paying attention to her friends body language “I just find it weird that the nigga was staring at me like I'm the Mona Lisa,” said y/n shifting her body showjng she was uncomfy. almost immediantly the two girls looked at eachother nodding oou im gonna beat this dough boy colored bitches ass. shuri thought " hold that thought" she said as she moved off the wall going over to Peter and ned, they wanted nothing with ned he was cool for now.

"What the fuck is your problem," Riri said staring up at Peter. She didn't care at all about the height difference in height, after all the bigger they are the harder they fall. Riri put her finger in the middle of his chest roughly pressing it against the middle as if it was a knife. “So you just gon’ creep my friend out and stare at her? We know the shit you're trying to pull Peter and stop digging for shit you shouldn't even know” said shuri spitting venom at the male before giving him a big smack to the face

“Hey man in sorry for him, he was j-” ned tried to defend his friend but Riri interrupted him "Shut the fuck up ned, this dont involve you" she stared at him as if the poor boy committed an act of murder to her friend. "if you wanna keep ya girl mj, even if that bitch is yours, leave Y/n alone" said Shuri walking away with Riri.

"does she even know why shes not at that school anymore? or about the shit both of your familys do huh?" Peter said as he was trying to anger Shuri and Riri more. “Its none of her buisness” said shuri as they kept walking .

“What does he-”dont worry about it” Shuri interrupted as they continued walking, Y/n looked at them before catching up to the others

LATER

Y/n pov

you sat on the bleachers watching the two play basketball for gym class recording it to watch later on my camera, when the bell rang shuri lifed her shirt whiping her sweat off, her sports bra and v line showing, along with the lovebites and kisses from lastnight on her body. you stopped filming putting the camera in your purse staring at her body.

"you like her ? " a voice said to her causing her to jump, her purse being sent all the way to shuri from her jumping so much . you turned around looking at the pretty girl beside of you "kiana" she said to you, her name so you nodded saying yours "Y/n" you said smiling to her. Her entourage was behind her watching the two of her “oou shes pretty... Is that Shuri's girlfriend?” said one of the girls “Thats Mariana, ignore her” you nodded “so what was your question” you adjusted yourself looking at Kiana, you weren't scared of her and you knew what she was trying to do. “a statement actually, You shouldn't like shuri, shes like of dem playgirls” she looked at your hickeys and kisses shuri left on you. You nodded getting up “mmh. Kiana rii? Yeah. Just because you were one of her hoes or rejected by her, dont mean you get you and ur friends to scare me away from my childhood bestie, i know her more then you ever would” you declared showing no form of emotion, Riri and Shuri called for you as they came out the lockerooms.

“It's ‘ight, she doesn't like fat bitches ‘nyway,” said Mariana, causing you to turn around and stare “ that's crazy becausee... She didnt say that last night. “ you shrugged it off walking past your bag, and giving shuri a little kiss on the lips, you dont know what fueled you but you did it anyways.

“What's with the sudden kiss?” shuri stared then looked up to see Kiana and Mariana then back to y/n who bent down to pick her bag up causing her to stare.

“Mmh y/n..” she stared for the longest time before smacking it, loud enough for the gym to hear. You flinched turning to shuri with a face red as a tomato. “Payback” she’d say smiling, Mariana and Kiana walked over to shuri putting their arms around her.

“Hey, baby. Why are you fucking around with someone like her I thought you liked us” Mariana said her acrylics Circling them on her chest. Shuri smiled at her getting lost in the momment " you know its not like that ma im up for anyone i can do what i want, nobody gon' hold me down anytime soon." she used the same nickname and voice she used for you. "shuri." said riri and kiana hushed her.

you had a “ did this bitch really just...” face on offended at how your two faced friend was acting"Nah Riri let's go. let shuri fuck around with her hoes like she always does" Youd say leaving and not waiting for riri, the bell rang for lunch, you were hurt bad.

Riri POV

" you said you wouldnt play her Shuri, i knew you were a damn lie" Riri said spitting venom at her as she got her bag leaving " like you said her soft ass wasnt gonna last here" Riri turned around staring up at shuri. "yknow what.." she clocked both of the thots on shuris dead in the nose. " fuck you and your thots, you know i dont fuck with this playgirl shit" she said leaving.

Riri saw the girls go the same way y/n went as she looked both at Kiana and Mariana "oou im sick of yall." she ran after them following them to the bathroom

Shuri looked at the two , realising what she did and said was wrong, "fuck." she sighed movinf past them and going to the lunchroom to get Erik.

Riri on the other hand came in the bathroom seeing the other 4 girls bang on the stall Y/n was in . she heard her crying and hyperventilating, she was havinqg "either yall gon' get the fuck out or im airing this bitch out right now." Riri reached for under her shirt, the girls stopped running out as she sighed, sitting by the stall

"Hey Y/n you 'ight ?" she leaned against the stall listening to her cry." Shuri probably didnt mean it, she was lo- " she got interrupted by the sounds of her throwing up and the toilet flushing. soon y/n came out, sitting on the counter in the bathroom.

" im Fine, i know sex doesnt mean you love them its whatever, we were drunk" y/n said i saw her try to keep a straight face, but she failed crying her eyes out again, her makeup was ruined, you signed hugging her, she burried her head into riri's shoulder as she patted and rubbed y/n's back to soothe her. "lets get you prettied up again yeah?" said Riri as she used makeup wipes from her gym bags cleaning y/n's face. "you know how to do make up?" Y/n sniffled asking you. "girl hell yeah i do? ion got lucious lashes like you do but shiit i got the falsies that look like yours. I wish i had your features" Riri said with a smile, doing y/n's makeup for her.

"Why'd you say that? youre so pretty and strong Ri, and you stand up for your friends ." She smiled. wow shes so pretty, why does she play games with shuri.. id deffinently treat her right. Riri shook her head as she didnt know why she had these thoughts, she wasnt going to act on it either, shes not that kind of person. "thanks." she smiled

Y/n pov

She was so nice to me and i dont know why, Riri turned my face to the mirror, i smiled seeing my new makeup i hopped down giving her a kiss on her head hugging her . " thank you so much Ri!"

Erik, T'challa and Shuri came busting in and we both sighed turning to them. "what the hell happened in here?" T'challa said , Shuri looked at you hoping you returned contact, still hurt by what you said you didnt look at her. your focus was on T'Challa, " nothing. it isnt important " you said turning back to them going back to talking yo Riri.

Erik came over putting his hand on your shoulder, thinking its shuri's you smack it off turning around " the fuck do you want?? didnt you already do en- you turned to eriks face staring you dead in the eyes. " Were serious y/n. what the fuck happened." He said trying to intimidate the answers out of you, well not trying you already are.

"If i said its nothing then its nothing micheal! im sure you know because the captain of hoes over there already ran her mouth. instead of fucking helping me from her sillicone dick crazed hoes." you screamed starting to go off because you were getting overstimulated. "i dont need a damn knight right now because i got fucked over five minutes ago just because one of Shuri's crazy ass fans" you pushed past them leaving , you decided to hide in the darker part of the schools library.

The lights were busted here, you curled up into a ball sighing, your eyes felt heavy, and behan to close, eventually closing for a good time.

you got woken up by someone moving your head to their lap, you open your eyes trying to see who it was shuri. you were too tired to argue so you just sat up sighing.

"what time is it," you asked her as she looked at you, she had a look you saw the look on her face that you never saw throughout the 13 years you knew her. "its 4th period, almost over but why the hell are you hiding here." said shuri looking at me with a cigarette in her mouth.

“Number one.” you said as you took the cigarette from her mouth. Stomping on it, "two if you wanna talk to me do it respectfully" you straddled her lap looking her in the eyes you got close to her almost close enough to kiss her " you can speak now, and dont use nicknames" you said crossing your arms.

Shuri Pov

Shuri blew the smoke away from your face fanning it before diverting her attention back to you " why are you jealous if we arent dating" i said rasing a brow trying to get the answers out of her

Y/n hesitated before huffing, her cold breath blowing on my face. " Because you make my heart race, you give me butterflies and just make me wanna do things to you.. " she got close to my lips and my heart began to race, but she pulled away, her eyes looking at me full of lust and anger. " then why dont you act on them ma." i said smirking knowing that'd set her her off.

"I said no names," Y/n said yanking my hair back and causing me to look up. "you already pissed me off acting like a player, I know damn well you arent one" she’d positioned herself to be looking down at me. “ i want you to myself shuri, im not sharing you, i want you to give in “ she said, her lips kissing mine.

her lips went to attack my neck leaving love bites, and bite marks. The arousal this woman is causing me will be the death of me, part of me wants to make her work, and another just wants her so bad, but i deffinently cant do this relationshp shit, its scary.

“How about you work for it? Yeah?” i said mocking her but Y/N absolutely didnt like that,she yanked my hair causing me to moan. “Okay okay, fuckbuddies yeah? How about tha -

“stop fucking talking.” she took my shirt off of me. She sucked and kissed my collar bone causing tiny moans to escape my mouth, her tongue swirled and flicked on my nipples, and I heard the librarian nearby. Oh fuck. Please baby don't do this right now. “Shut the fuck up then” Y/n whispered before going back to attacking my breasts, her fingers sliding to my pussy, her digits Massaging my clit in a circular motion.

god damn she was so sexy like this. I moaned in her ear causing her to bite my nipple, the pain causing my pussy to get wetter, her fingers entered my pussy fingering me nice and slow, the squelching being able to be heard.

Shuri tried to speak but got interrupted by Y/n’s thumb rubbing her clit in circular motions, She felt so good right now, Finally, y/n would let go of Shuri's hair .

Peter and neds voice was heard and that made y/n smile, “ma, no. We can continue late-” she whispered to the angered y/n pulling her pants down. She yoinked her panties down not even giving shuri a second to speak, immediately eating her pussy out. She blew cold air against Shuri's’s pretty soaked cunt, she used her tongue to explore her pretty cunny(cunt,pussy). Shuri gasped for air her hips rocking against her face riding her high.

Peter and Ned slowly got closer and closer. “Baby I'm gonna cum fuck, please me just like that I'm so proud of you” Shuri would say keeping their eye contact with y/n. “mmh cum in my mouth, please i wanna taste you “ said Y/n.

Shuri bit her lips as she squirted in Y/ns mouth,Shuri panted then moaned louder when y/n was licking her clean.

Y/n licked my thighs clean before fixing my pants and underwear, i stood up fixing it myself.

“do you forgive me?” Y/n Nodded turning to shuri “cmon were gonna be late” i said going down the stairs holding her hand.

Y/n pov

I smiled to myself, that didnt settle the jealously but i knew I did what those hoes couldn't. Pride filled my stomach as we went down the stairs facing Ned and Peter who had shocked faces on.

“well.. We were sent to look for you” said ned beginning to turn around to the entrance of the library, walking away.

Peter sighed rubbing his temples. “in a school...” he said with disappointment in his voice Shaking his head “could you two like?? Not wait to fuck at home?” he said stating the fact that we have a problem.

"you mad i got to her first peter?" said Shuri getting in his face. "see thats your problem. you assume i want her because i was staring, i was only doing so because shes pretty and i was curious" said peter looking down at shuri.

"So you hit him for no reason Shuri?" I said turning to her with an eyebrow raised. "well he made my friend uncomfy, so i fixed it Udaku style fym?" she said acting as if she didnt assault a man because he made me uncomfy. i shook my head .

"well we gotta go peter last period of the day." i said skipping on to the next class.

------

CLASS STARTS

I wrote notes down in my notebook for history, since its black history month today they were studying Marsha p. Johnson, i paid close attention the whole class.

i had sat next to erik,shuri and riri. T'challa didnt have this class anymore since he passed the test with full credit.

Erik had his glasses on since we sat far and he needed to see desperately, sometimes I’d et him copy my notes as long as he changed it up, Mariana and Kiana came in with busted noses and black eyes.

my phone dinged and in sync we all checked the gc.

i looked at riri and she whistled looking at the sky, we all laughed as the bell rang, all of us going outside to the car.

Eventually we made it home in time for my rest,i went on the steps and felt shuri turn me around giving me a deep and long kiss. evemtually i pulled away before it lead to anything else due to me being tired. "thanks ma, for coming back" she smiled smacking my ass before she left.

i smiled at her watching her till she went inside, going inside myself getting ready to sleep

----

A/N: this took long as hell to write my fingers hurt 😒. LEAVE A LIKE BELOW IF YOUD WAANT MORE

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spiteless-xo · 11 months

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╰┈➤ fake dating - tbaw. ⋙ sometime during arc 1.

why was it deleted. ididn't really like the fake dating plotline for this story because it meant that any development between jean/reader would be seen as cheating from jean's perspective, and it seemed out of character for him to do that after his history with pieck. having this fic be a love triangle with a fake dating storyline didn't really make sense. what changed. you ask eren to be your fake boyfriend instead of just friends with benefits. eren already knows he's in love with you at this point. you get a little bit of jean's pov here. jean and eren's relationship isn't as toxic/strained as in the published story. tbh this almost feels like an entirely different story, it's so weird to read it compared to what's on ao3. ft. fem!reader, eren, jean, connie, sasha. cw. unedited, explicit language, explicit sexual content (oral sex, fingering, vaginal sex, unprotected, creampie, overstimulation/crying, name calling: slut, exhibitionism-ish), second person pov, 5,000 words.

Please remember that this scene was deleted for a reason and that nothing that happens here occurs in the actual story posted on AO3. This is just fun bonus content for people who are interested in reading more.

context. none needed.

You text Eren later that day, asking him to come over so the two of you can talk. Eren’s not sure what you want to talk about, but he rushes over anyway, excited to see you.

When you let him into your house, his heart clenches at the sight of you. You look happy again, for the first time in a while.

He can’t control the smile on his face as you lead him up into your bedroom and quietly shut the door behind you. “What do you wanna talk about?” He asks, settling into your bed as you sit on the edge next to him.

“You can’t laugh, ok?” you say, Eren can see you pouting at him from the corner of his eye.

“I promise.”

You lace your fingers with his as Eren struggles to focus on your face. “Did you ever see that Netflix movie with Lana Condor?”

“Who?”

“To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before?”

Eren wasn’t familiar, but hearing you say the title makes his heart tighten. Were you going to confess your feelings for him? He wanted to pull you into his lap but you were sitting a little too far away. “No, I haven’t seen that one,” he says as he scootches closer to you until your thighs are pressed against one another.

“It’s about a girl who writes letters to all the boys she’s loved --”

“Uh huh,” Eren says, his hand squeezing around yours.

“-- and her little sister mails them all out - whatever, it doesn’t really matter the whole plot.” You wave your other hand in dismissal as Eren brushes a loose strand of hair out of his face and behind his ear.

“Come on,” Eren urges, squeezing your hand tighter. “Tell me about the movie - or whatever.”

You laugh, eyes crinkling as you look at Eren and he wants to grab your face and kiss you, but he waits.

“I don’t know if you’ll be into it, but I have this crazy idea I wanted to run by you.”

Spit it out.

“Do you want to be my fake boyfriend?”

Eren feels like his brain is lagging. “Your… what?”

“In the movie, the two characters fake date to make the guy’s ex-girlfriend jealous,” you explain, looking away. “Jean was really jealous of us hooking up, so I think that if you and I fake date, I can finally help him realize his feelings for me.”

Jean fucking Kirstein. It all comes back to him.

With your face turned away, you don’t see the disappointment etched on Eren’s face. He pulls his hands free from yours and leans back on the bed to rest on his forearms, running a hand through his hair as he thinks.

Fake date the girl he’s in love with to make the guy she’s in love with jealous - how pathetic.

“We can like, hook up and stuff, just like before,” you say. “But then also, you can like, stay the night at my place and join us for movie nights and stuff.” You shrug and look over at him, blushing in embarrassment. “Is that ok? Or is that weird?”

“Sure,” he says. He’d be pathetic for you.

You smile at Eren and it all feels worth it. “Thanks, Eren,” you say with a sigh and you toss your leg across his hips, straddling him on the bed. “Do you want to hook up right now?”

Yes, desperately. “What about your roommates?” he asks, looking up at you as you run your hands up and down his chest.

“They’re not home right now,” you say before leaning forward to kiss softly against Eren’s neck. “Sasha’s playing soccer and the boys are out picking up food for movie night.”

“Movie night’s tonight?” Eren asks, laying flat on his back so his hands can press into your thighs.

“Well, it’s the long weekend, so movie night is every night,” you laugh against his skin. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

“Oh, I want to,” he says, voice low as his fingers slide under the fabric of your shorts to grab your ass. “I’ve missed you so much, baby.”

Fake dating isn’t what Eren wants from you, but it doesn’t sound so bad when you’re grinding on his lap like this. And you want him to stay the night and hang out with your friends - that sounds great. So what if you’re just using him to make Jean jealous?

Eren knows Jean doesn’t give a shit about you, so it doesn’t matter how jealous you make him, he’ll still be fucking oblivious. And Eren will get to fuck you and kiss you and hold your hand and sleep in your bed. This plan sounds better and better the more Eren thinks about it.

He flips you over on to your back, caging his arms around your head as he looks down at you. “Fake dating,” he says, dipping his head down to bite at your neck. “So I get to tell everyone you’re my girlfriend, right?”

You hum in response, tilting your head to the side to allow Eren more space to lick and suck and bite. You wrap your legs around his hips, locking your ankles together behind him, and pull him tight against your body as his lips roam across your collarbones.

“I can hold your hand and shit at work? Take you for lunch? Fuck you in the break room?”

You try to laugh but it’s cut off by a moan with Eren sinks his teeth into your skin. He slides off the floor and on to his knees next to the bed, tugging on the waistband of your shorts to pull them off of your hips. He needs to taste you.

[DELETED ORAL SEX SCENE FROM HERE AND PUT INTO CHAPTER 16]

You don’t know how long has passed and how many orgasms he’s pulled from you by the time Jean and Connie return home. Even in your post-/pre-/mid-orgasmic haze, you can still hear Connie yelling when he enters the house.

You look down at Eren through half-lidded eyes, pulling harder on his hair to pull his mouth from you. “Eren -- stop -- they --” you can hardly speak as his eyes flick up to meet your gaze, glinting with mischief as he draws another choked orgasm from your exhausted body.

You hear a faint knocking on your door over the lewd sounds of Eren’s tongue on your cunt. “Are you home? We’re gonna start dinner soon.” It’s Jean.

“Don’t open the door!” you say quickly, eyes looking down at Eren in alarm as he pauses - finally.

“You ok?” Jean asks from the other side.

Eren gets up from off the floor, leaning his body over yours as his fingers play with your clit. His face is covered in you and it makes your heart lurch in your chest. Why did the boys have to come home already?

“Hey, you good?” Jean asks, knocking again.

“Yes!” you gasp as Eren plunges his fingers inside of you. You can’t tell how many he’s pushed into you, but the sensation of finally being filled after being tortured with his tongue for so long almost makes you come undone on the spot.

Jean asks another question from outside your room and all you can do is cover your mouth from a strangled moan as Eren’s fingers curl inside of you.

“We’ll come out in a sec,” Eren says, voice calm and collected as you fuck yourself on his hand. “Sasha home yet?” he asks and you look up at him pained.

Jean doesn’t answer right away. “No, she’s still at soccer.”

“When’s she coming back?”

You can’t believe Eren’s having a conversation with Jean with his fingers buried in your cunt. You pray that Jean doesn’t decide to open the door, but you’re certain he can hear the wet squelching noises as Eren’s hand pumps against you. Your eyes water as your pussy flutters tightly around his fingers when Eren brings you over the edge into another orgasm.

“Uh,” Jean stumbles over his words. “Soon, probably.”

Removing his fingers from inside of you, he pulls his sweats down off his hips to let his hard, aching cock spring free from his pants. He guides it to your entrance and pushes inside you roughly as he says, “Yes, that’s great.”

His voice is tight as he slowly pumps into you and you have to clench your eyes shut and clamp your hand over your mouth to stop your desperate whiny moans from escaping. “Do you need help making dinner?” he calls.

Tears are freely falling from your eyes as Eren rocks his hips against your sore, overstimulated pussy. You can hardly breathe, much less speak - and here he is having a conversation with Jean about dinner like he’s not balls deep inside of you. You would be pissed if he didn’t feel so good.

“No, we’re good.” Jean says sharply and you finally hear his footsteps walking away from outside of your door.

“Do you think he knew?” Eren asks, whispering against your ear as he grinds down into your hips. “Think he knew I had you spread out like this for me like my own little slut?”

Eren loves the way you squeeze around him when he fills you like this. He wishes you wouldn’t muffle your noises for him, he wants to hear you begging for him.

He wants to tease you more until you’re limp and satisfied in his arms, but his cock aches for release and he finds himself spilling into you suddenly without warning. Eren gasps and grunts into your neck when he cums as your body trembles beneath him from exhaustion.

You finally pull your hands away from your face and try to blink up at him. Your eyes are blurry from the tears and your mind is dizzy from arousal, but you can still see Eren’s soft eyes as he looks down at you.

When he pulls away, both of you are breathing hard. “So how was that?” he asks, pulling out of you and rolling next to you on the bed. He pulls his sweats back up his hips to cover himself as you continue to lay next to him, spread out and covered in each others’ mess.

“Is that how you fuck all of your girlfriends?” you ask, breathless.

“Just the fake ones,” he winks before sitting up. He looks around your room for a box of tissues to clean you up with, finding one on your desk next to some papers and pictures of you and your friends.

His eyes linger over one of the pictures. It’s the same as the one you have set up at your desk at work, the one with Connie, Sasha, and Jean. He comes back over to the bed to clean off your thighs with the tissues as your eyes fall shut, exhausted.

“You still don’t have a picture of me.” He says and you crack an eye open to look at him.

You smile up at him, watching as he gets up off the bed to return your box of tissues before allowing your eyes to flutter shut again. He wanders around your room, opening your dresser drawers until he finds your sweatpant drawer and pulls out a pair to toss over to you. He leaves you to get dressed while he looks around your room. He likes to see pieces of you scattered across the room.

He knows you're taking a couse with Titan to improve your technical knowledge, so he’s not surprised to find your notes and textbooks littered across your desk. He scans your bookshelves to see all sorts of different novels: romance, thriller, even some manga - all scattered amongst more photos of you, Sasha, Connie, and Jean. He knows the four of you were close, he always saw you together at parties and at hockey games, but based on the photos you have in your room, it seems like they’re your only friends.

When you find the strength, you pull on the sweats that Eren gave you and try to smooth down your hair in the reflection of your mirror near your bed. You look like a fucked out mess, but once your blush comes down you think you’ll be ok.

“What’re you looking at?” you ask, noticing for the first time that Eren’s snooping through your bookshelf.

“Nothing,” he says quietly, turning back to you. You’re still laying sprawled out on the bed and he almost feels bad for feeling himself stir in his sweatpants as he looks down at you, but then he remembers you’re dating now.

Or fake dating, whatever.

“You ready to go help with dinner? I think you promised Jean we’d help,” you say with a laugh.

“He said not to bother.” Eren pulls his hoodie off and tosses it over to you, leaving him in just his grey sweats and black v-neck shirt. You catch it and look over at Eren, confused. “If we’re dating, you should probably wear some of my shit,” he says, looking away to hide his blush.

With a smile, you pull his hoodie on over your tank. You’re swimming it in and it falls just past your ass, but it’s soft and it smells like vanilla. “Good call,” you say. “Have you done this before?”

“Dated girls? Yeah,” Eren scoffs.

“Right,” you say, feeling your chest tighten. “We should go.”

When the two of you leave your room, Eren ducks into the bathroom to clean himself off, leaving you to wander into the kitchen alone. Jean sees you come in first, eyes narrowing at the oversized black hoodie.

You walk over to the sink and wash you hands, looking over at the two boys on either side of you, chopping vegetables for your dinner tonight. “Sorry, I should have let you guys know he was coming over. We’re going to need more food.”

“Huh?” Connie says, clueless.

“Eren’s going to stay for movie night,” you explain, looking over at him with a smile.

“You’re still fucking him?” Jean asks, voice sharp and tight.

You feel Eren’s arms wrap around you, pulling you tight against his chest. He rests his head on your shoulder as he looks over at Jean, smirking. “More than fucking, Kirstein. We decided to make things official.”

You can’t see the way Jean’s jaw tightens as he looks over at Eren wrapped around you. His whole body flinching when Eren says official. “Oh, is that right?” Jean says through clenched teeth.

Jean definitely seems jealous as he looks at the two of you together and Eren can feel his smirk falter. He knows Jean is a conniving, manipulative fuck-face, and your little fake dating plan might work a lot faster than Eren wants it to.

He’s not sure how much time he’ll have with you before Jean fucks with your head again.

“Woah, congratulations guys!” Connie cheers, high-fiving you with a huge grin on his face. “Does that mean Eren’s gonna be around all the time?”

“If that’s ok,” you say quickly, wanting to turn to look at Jean but being unable to do so with Eren on your shoulder.

“That’s fine, man, it’s been a while!” Connie says, lightly punching Eren’s shoulder.

Eren pulls away from you and punches Connie back gently, the two falling into easy conversation as they rekindle their friendship from before Eren and Jean’s falling out.

When Eren steps away, you’re finally able to look over at Jean to try to get a read on how he’s feeling. His face is turned away from you, focusing on chopping onions for tonight, but he can see you looking at him from the corner of his eye.

“I thought you weren’t dating,” he says, so quietly that you almost don’t hear him.

“I changed my mind,” you say, glancing over at Connie and Eren to see if they’re paying attention to the two of you. “After getting to know him better, I realized that I have feelings for him.”

It’s a lie, but you can see Jean’s whole body tense from your words.

Tense from the fact that, yet again, you’re running back into the arms of Eren fucking Jaeger.

It makes you giddy to see such an obvious physical reaction and you almost break out in a grin because of it. Instead, your attention turns to the main door as Sasha walks in with a shriek.

“Eren?” she asks, mouth falling open as her bags drop to the floor.

Eren turns away from his conversation with Connie to smile at Sasha. Her eyes bounce from Eren’s face to his hoodie on you and back again. “Oh my God, are you two together?”

He slings his arm around your shoulder and pulls you tight into his chest, pressing his lips softly against your own as Sasha shrieks again. He pulls away, just enough to brush his nose against your as he looks down at you. Your heart pounds in your chest and you have to look away from his intense gaze, flustered.

“Yeah, Sash,” he says, still looking at you. “We are.”

---

You fall asleep in Eren’s arms during the first movie, exhausted from how you and Eren spent the afternoon. Connie and Sasha all but bombard him with questions when they notice.

“Eren, this is so exciting!” Connie whisper-yells, clapping quietly. “This has been such a long-time coming with you two.”

“I can't believe it!” Sasha squeals, leaning forward across the coffee table to get closer. “She couldn’t get enough of The Eren Jaeger.”

Eren tries to stifle back his laughter as his two goofy friends rattle off at him. It feels good to hear them talk about how happy they are for the two of you, even if he knows it’s all fake on your end.

“I doubt it’s gonna last,” Jean says from the other end of the couch. Sasha and Connie both whip around to scold him as Eren’s narrowed eyes meet Jean’s.

“How could you say that?” Sasha says angrily, slapping Jean across the chest. “Be supportive of your friends!”

“Ow, Sasha!” Jean flinches from Sasha’s hit, but he doubles down. “Eren’s a fucking prick. You’ve all seen the way he treated the girls at school. He’s just taking advantage of her.”

“I’m taking advantage of her?” Eren growls and you stir in his arms from the rumbling in Eren’s chest.

You blink up at Eren with sleepy eyes as the everyone around you hushes. “Sorry,” you say, voice soft and quiet. “Did I fall asleep?”

“You’re good, babe,” he says, leaning down to kiss you on the cheek. When he pulls away he fixes a hard stare on Jean, who’s ignoring everyone around him by focusing on the movie on the tv.

“You guys can go to bed if you want,” Sasha offers. “We’ve got Monday off too, so we can finish the rest of the movies tomorrow night.”

“Ok,” you say sleepliy, allowing Eren to help you up as you shuffle into the bedroom.

Eren closes the door behind you and you flop down onto the bed, facedown. You don’t even bother to take off your clothes, you’re so tired.

“Are you gonna sleep like that?” Eren asks, pulling off his t-shirt and sweats, leaving himself in just his black boxer briefs, before walking over to you on the bed.

“Too tired to change,” you whine, rolling away from him.

He laughs, you were so cute. He never got to see you sleepy like this before. It feels so intimate and domestic to finally see this side of you.

“Come on,” he says, tugging on his hoodie as you whine. “You’ll be more comfy with less clothes.”

“You’re just trying to fuck me again,” you whine, but you allow him to pull his hoodie off of you. He hooks his fingers under the waistband of your sweats and pulls them down past your hips and off your feet. He feels the burn of arousal in his stomach after he successfully peels your pants off - he forgot you didn’t have any underwear on underneath.

“I’m… not,” he says, strained. “Unless you want me to.”

“Maybe tomorrow,” you sigh, letting him fix the blankets so you can crawl underneath them. “I’m too tired after today.”

He slides under the covers behind you and pulls you close against his chest. You nuzzle your face into his skin and sigh against it. “Are you drunk?” he asks with a laugh, rubbing soft circles in your back.

“No, just sleepy,” you say, content.

“Can you stay up for a little bit? I wanna talk to you about something.”

You audibly pout but look up at him from where your face is buried in his chest. “It can’t wait until the morning?”

“I don’t want to forget.” He brushes the hair out of your face with his hand and watches as you try to blink away your sleepiness to focus on what he has to say. “I think we need some terms and conditions for this whole, fake dating, thing.”

You chuckle, eyes crinkling. “Ok…? Like what?”

“We have to treat this like a real relationship, so you can’t hook up with any other people, and obviously neither can I.”

“Obviously.”

“We have to hold hands and like, cuddle, and stuff.”

“Easy,” you scoff and it warms his heart.

“We should try to stay together for a decent amount of time,” he says quietly and he hopes you can’t hear the way his heart is threatening to beat out of his chest. “If we break up too soon, Jean might not have fully fallen for you, y’know. So like, six months, I think - at least.”

“Hmm, that’s a good point,” you say with a nod. “I thought you said you didn’t watch the movie, and suddenly now you’re an expert?”

“I’m no expert,” he laughs. “I’m just trying to… maximize our chances for success.”

“Ok,” you hum, burying your face back into his chest. “Any other rules?”

“If you fall in love with me, you have to tell me right away,” he says, voice tight.

You laugh into his chest and wrap your arms around him tighter. “You think I’m going to fall in love with you, Eren Jaeger?”

No, he didn’t think - he hoped.

“You never know,” he hums.

“Ok - deal.” He wonders if you’re going to flip the rule back on him too, but instead you sigh against him. “Can I go to sleep now?”

“Go for it, babe.”

“Goodnight, Eren,” you murmur before drifting off to sleep again.

---

Eren wakes up before you in the morning to find you still curled up against his chest. He wants to stay here with you forever, but the ache in his bladder has him slinking out of bed and down the hall to the bathroom.

Sighing with relief from his now-empty bladder, he wanders into the kitchen for a glass of water but finds Jean already there, grabbing ingredients from the fridge for breakfast.

Eren decides to be civil, “Morning, Jean.”

Jean isn’t, “Fuck you, Jaeger.”

Eren grabs a glass from the cupboard and fills it with water, leaning against the counter to watch Jean prep breakfast as he drinks.

“What the fuck do you want?”

“Nothing, just drinking water.” He taps on the glass with his finger as Jean scowls at him.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I literally just told you.”

“No -- I mean with her.”

Eren smirks as Jean starts cracking eggs into a bowl. He’s sure Jean’s imagining that each one of those eggs is Eren’s face from the way he’s practically smashing them against the counter.

“We’re dating - you know, girlfriend and boyfriend -- are you familiar with the term?”

“Fuck off, Jaeger.”

“You should be nice to me,” Eren says before taking a sip from his water. “Your room is right next door to hers, isn't it? If you're nice to me, maybe I won't keep you up all night."

Jean cringes at his implication. “You’re disgusting. I know you’re just using her for sex.”

“I’m not, actually,” Eren says sharply. “You’d realize that if you ever took your head out of your ass.”

Jean doesn’t bother to respond as he cuts open a packet of bacon. He lays all the strips out on a baking sheet before turning on the oven to pre-heat, all under Eren’s gaze.

“Are you just going to fucking stand there and watch me all morning?”

“That’s a lot of bacon for one person,” Eren responds, eyeing the food as Jean preps it.

“It’s not just for me,” he says with a sigh. “I’m making breakfast for everyone.”

“Me too?”

“Begrudgingly.”

Eren makes a silent face of approval as he watches Jean cut up some potatoes for hashbrowns.

“I make breakfast for everyone on the weekends. Sometimes weekdays too, if I’m not busy,” he explains, cutting into the spuds roughly. “It’s like a tradition here.”

“That’s surprisingly nice of you,” Eren says in disbelief. “You don’t strike me as the type.”

“I want to learn how to get better at cooking - not that I owe you an explanation.”

“Right. Because you were raised with fuckin chefs and butlers, so you’ve never had to cook before,” Eren says, more to himself than to Jean.

The oven makes a noise to signify that it’s reached the selected temperature and Jean slides the baking tray into the oven before setting a timer on his phone. He oils a pan with some butter and tosses the chopped chunks of potato into the pan to fry them.

“Smells good,” Eren says, putting his now-empty glass into the sink. “Can’t wait to try some.”

“Thanks,” Jean spits, but the praise makes him blush, even if it’s from Eren fucking Jaeger.

“I thought you left.”

The attention of the two boys turns to you as you stumble into the kitchen, rubbing at your eyes with the sleeve of Eren’s sweater. Your legs are bare underneath it and Eren wonders if you remembered to put underwear on.

“Nah, babe, I’m still here,” Eren says with a smile. “Just talking with your favourite roomie.”

You approach Eren and wrap your arms around his waist, leaning into his chest as you look over at Jean while he works on the food. “Jean does this every morning,” you explain.

“Yeah, we were just talking about that,” Eren wraps his arms around your shoulders and pulls you closer against him. He slides his leg between your thighs to gently press his thigh against your clothed cunt - good, you remembered.

You squrim in his arms and push his thigh away from you while Jean works on frying the potatoes.

“Are you gonna make some coffees for everyone?” Jean asks, his back facing both of you.

“In a minute,” you say, holding Eren tighter.

Even though this is all a plan to make Jean jealous, you can’t ignore how happy you feel in Eren’s arms like this. Enveloped in the warmth of his hoodie and the smell of his vanilla cologne, it almost feels like you really are dating.

The two of you stay like that until the timer on Jean’s phone goes off for the bacon. As Jean pulls the bacon out from the oven, you pull away from Eren to make some coffees with your espresso machine.

“I thought I heard the bacon alarm!” Connie says, coming around the corner and into the kitchen. He clasps his hands and rubs them together like a fly as he looks around Jean’s body at the sizzling baking pan in his hands.

“Connie, back off, I’m going to burn you.” Jean says, pushing Connie back with one arm while he sets the hot pan on the unused half of the stove. “Wait until it cools off a bit.”

Connie pouts but obediently goes to sit on the dining room table while he waits for the food. He looks around at the table, confusion etched on his face.

“What’s up?” Eren asks with a nod, noticing Connie’s expression.

“We need another chair for you,” he says, pointing at the four chairs surrounding the table. “We only have enough for us.”

You turn around to look at the table and realize that Connie is right, there’s only four chairs. You never needed any more than that when it was just you and the roommates. “Can you get your gamer chair maybe, just for today?”

Connie nods, getting up to go to his room to retrieve an extra chair while you turn back to work on the coffee.

Eren comes up behind you, grabbing your hips and pulling you flush against his body as he ducks his face into your neck. “You don’t wanna sit on my lap?” he hums, his lips pressing softly into your skin.

“Maybe later,” you say, face blushing as you try to tame the shaking of your hands as you work your espresso machine. “Why don’t you go get some clothes on so you’re not sitting at the table in your underwear?”

Eren laughs and kisses you once on the shoulder, again on your neck, and then softly on your cheek. “Good idea.”

When Eren steps away from you, you release a shaky breath that you didn’t realize you were holding. Being around Eren always made you lightheaded. It was because of the way he touched you, the way he kissed you, and the way he made you feel.

You made fun of all of those other girls from school for falling over themselves to be with him, but here you were doing the exact same thing. How could you not? Eren was enticing. He definitely wasn’t the worst person to be fake dating.

#tiff.fic #tbaw.fic #tbaw.deleted

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capitalisticveins · 9 months

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Tumblr might have deleted my ask because it was too wordy. It is too long...my apologies, but I'm only trying to understand your POV genuinely so I'll retype. I do not mean any hostility (tho I know impact is more important than intent).

Alexis is a character that had a friends-with-benefits relationship with Sam. He ended it because she wanted more (within his right). In the midst of a fatal crash, Alexis turned him against his consent while he said 'no.' She never apologized. This is all we have without headcanons (avoiding the 'she was in a panic' or 'she did it to hurt him' headcanons on both sides). We have no backstory on her. People try to fill in this behavior with headcanons.

Cutie is a character that was in a romantic relationship with Geordi. He ended it because Cutie spent their years-long relationship canonically ignoring and going against Geordi's consent (or pressuring him). An act so egregious that Cutie's job did not use what they consistently do to a defenseless and unempowered Geordi on powerful, convicted murderer Quinn to find a victim. Cutie would apologize, but according to Geordi would still continue to ignore his consent (including proceeding to violate him in bed minutes after a tear-filled plea for them to stop). Ignoring the headcanons of social anxiety or having an abusive childhood or them having autism (because those are only headcanons), all we have is that they come from an empowered family (that's all we know). People try to fill in this behavior with headcanons.

You get upset with people liking one consent-ignoring character (that did so once (still horrible) horrifically 13 years ago and avoided the person since; valid! I don't like that), but say you don't trust people that don't like the other consent-ignoring character that spent over two years before and during their entire relationship violating their partner as well. I don't get that. Is Cutie excused because they are a self-insert? Would one line alluding to a hard childhood be enough for you to think Alexis has depth and background for her actions? Is one video of therapy is enough to think Cutie is deserving of Geordi again after that? Would one video of Alexis in therapy do the same?

Here’s the thing

I’m so damn sure

That on this blog with over 1,000 posts

Not once

Have I ever

Said that Cutie’s actions are excused

I may come off as rude here, and I apologize in advance. I just came back from a day long trip and my legs hurt and I already answered this but Tumblr ate my post before I could finish but whatever

Cutie is VERY obviously in the wrong in their situation. What they did is inexcusable and it’s incredibly evident. What my POINT is is that they have an explanation. NO this doesn’t excuse what they did, and NO, it never will, but at the very least we have a reason, which adds to depth and character

Alexis does not have this

ALEXIS, from the very moment her name was muttered, has been portrayed as an antagonist. She’s a villain in both Imperium and Prime Universe, and has never been put in a positive light, even by Erik himself.

She has no reason given for what she did, and has no character other than being villainous for the sake of being villainous.

The single reason we’re given why Alexis doesn’t try to interact with Sam is because she CAN’T invoke him

I don’t like Cutie because they’re shitty and toxic and needs help, I like Cutie because they’re INTERESTING. They’re not like almost every other listener on the channel who’s damn near perfect and never has an issue with their relationships. They have a sense of individuality, they’re different and after losing Bright Eyes and Fred, they’re probably the only troubled listener we have left.

Alexis can literally die and we’d still have other antagonists. She’s not interesting. Her Imperium counterpart is slightly more interesting than her, and that’s only because she ACTUALLY shows up.

#also that last paragraph felt very taunting #i wrote more but fucking tumblr ate my post and I forgot what I said #redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted cutie #redacted alexis #redacted sam

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daemons · 3 months

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Hi! Could you recommend some Hanninal fics that you enjoy? I'm interested in getting into it and I really liked how you interpreted the show based on your tag. Thanks :)

i’d be glad to share a fic rec list, here are a few of my favorite hannigram fics. hope you enjoy 🖤

𓆣 ecstasies by roundthedecay — 26k • post series

starting off with my favorite hannibal fic and one of my favorite fics in general, as written by my dear mutual damsel @doomsayings ! this is a beautifully crafted gothic romance set post-series and it encompasses everything i love about the show, and will and hannibal’s relationship to each other and with themselves. it’s truly so romantic and so evocative and sensual and dark, right out of the pages of my new favorite gothic novel, with my favorite gothic heroine will graham. i don’t want to spoil it too much as it’s an incredible read to experience yourself firsthand but i can’t recommend it enough; damsel is a truly gifted writer.

𓆣 la petite chose by babilonium - 2k • post-series

another fic rec from another dear mutual, roach @corneliushickey ! this is a cute little number that makes my heart grow three sizes every time i think of it. will brings home a kitten and what follows is a delightful peek into into will and hannibal's life post-fall, off the grid, surrounded by the most loyal of hounds (and their feline queen). the characterization is spot on, the dogs bring me endless joy, and roach is another very talented writer

𓆣 your heart's a coarse black dog by gleamingandwholeanddeadly et al. — 30k • canon-verse AU

this is a season two ‘fix-it’ au in which will gives hannibal a dog to take care of as a means of earning will’s forgiveness. i’m a sucker for anything involving hannibal’s relationship with dogs, and i enjoyed this fic’s take on it. (also, the progression of their relationship is so good: you are intrigued by me, i kind of hate you, but then by this time next week we will go full mutual possessive obsession with each other or else we’ll die without the other. romance!)

𓆣 TKO by sidnihoudini — 16k • post-series

in all full honesty, i’m not a fan of molly in general, but this is an interesting post-series fic from molly’s pov as she deals with the collateral damage left behind after the fall.

𓆣 a shade did weave a dream by louise_lux — 6k • canon-verse

hannibal tries psilocybin therapy with will and that’s all you really need to know. this one reads as a deleted canon scene and contains some of my fave will characterization. (heed the content warnings if dubious consent via intoxication isn’t for you)

𓆣 needful things by peacefrog — 5k • post-series

i don’t think this is necessarily meant to be read as a borderline romcom, but that’s how i read it, will dealing with his feelings for hannibal through touch repulsion at first via sloppy fumblings in the middle of the night but realizing that he actually needs to feel hannibal in his very sinew to feel alive. it was cute.

𓆣 a rope in hand by orpheuslament — 2k • post-series

not getting too deep into this one as i think it speaks for itself, i just love mutual possessive obsessions steeped in jealousy <3

𓆣 la maison rouge by randstad — 2k • canon-verse

this is the first hannigram fic i ever read and it holds a dear place in my heart, it’s short and sweet but the characterization is so good; i love when people really lean into hannibal’s weird little freak (affectionate) habits. (and the last line is always makes me 🥰)

𓆣 a bad combination in the dark by perpetuallycaffeinated — 1k • canon verse

ending on another short and sweet one, one can never go wrong with knife and bloodplay :)c

*𓆣 bloodline by xzombiekittenx - 33k • AU

it's a vampire au, who am i to deny my heart's wants? (i'm actually in the middle of reading this one right now, but it's compelling enough to add it to the list anyway. i'll update this entry if i end up hating it, i'm incredibly picky when it comes to vampire au's)

#thank you for the ask - this was rly fun !#hopefully one or a few of these pique your interest; happy reading #ask tag #sigerson

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furymint · 5 months

Text

2023 Creator Reflection

ffxiv.

1. dance me to the end of love

this one was fun! i always like merging a character's outfit with the bg so i liked doing that again. picking the colors for elliots outfit was also enjoyable. ive wanted to make smth w that cover for a while

2. shame was still the tyrant of his life

i only wrote two nol and eli things this year and neither of them are finished. the first was a continuation of a scene where nol kisses elliot against the blue stained glass in his room--i once posted it but then i deleted it bc it made me feel woozy for its allusions to sex. i wanted to rebuild it and take a shot at it now that im comfortable writing n reading sex, but i never got very far. theres actually lots of nice parts! i just like nols dumb angsting the best!

3. valentine

i really wanted to focus on nol's eye here, but also not make it too obvious lol. i used a ps filter like a schmuck but i wanted it to be darker without making it even more difficult to see, so i took away their bodies and limited the colors to make it what it is.

4. amateur cracksmen

the second nol n eli wip, which doesnt have many interesting lines rn, was a raffles-inspired story where eli drags nol as his valet to a rival artist's house and tries to steal back the brooch that he bought from an underground dealer feat. much babbling abt the state of societal responsibility that war is supposed to bring

ffxvi.

1. herz an herz dir

i wrote some reflections about this one already here. i honestly was very (distressed voice) cant believe im writing pure fanfic for the first time in over ten years and lacked a lot of direction when i started bc uhhhhh terence has 8 and a half mins of screen time. i tried to convince myself that it's not much different than me stealing brucemont for my own evil devices, but the unique perspective of seeing quite so much fan content def influenced my interpretation. i wanted their relationship to be much more imbalanced from the get-go initially--dion using his power unintentionally and terence barely passing a thought abt it until later bc he's just so accustomed to obeying--but i ended up giving terence a lot more sway & ammunition in their argument. the breakfast bed thing is also smth im rly fond of.

2. mund an mund

there's also additional meta for this one here. i made a silly doodle abt it also. dion kept picking fights here! it honestly turned out how i expected. when i first started this fic, i was gonna have dion start out right in oriflamme and meet ter and kihel there, but i booted them to northreach so i could have this stretch of conflict. i think it's like. Bad Pacing. technically. if i still believe the conflict introduced in the next chapter is the core one, that is. which i sorrrrta do. but i dont care bc i rly like the visual of kihel laying in dion's lap and getting to put a gun on the wall w ahmed.

3. eines atems

its been two months since the last chapter and this chapter is humiliatingly not written. i have all my scrambled notes and scenes that i jotted down in between the first two chapters, so i have a full direction, but it's been really difficult to write lately. ive been devoting all my time to trying to recoup my mental health and work on my teredio secret santa. ill start next year with this wip as a priority, so for now i only have the photoshop edit for it. kihel is holding terence's hand--it's his pov turn.

overall i didnt like this year very much. i didn't read, create, research or do a lot even though i tried to. i became really disconnected from all of my friends bc im too tired to stay for rp or hold online conversations. at this point, i dont play ffxiv at all except the few times i managed to rp a little. i moved into nanny's house and have my own space, but don't have the presence of mind to do anything about my pc, books, and so on, although i did make a lot of progress rewrapping my books w fresh wraps and some other things. my plans for next year are to reach out to a couple of my friends, build my pc, relearn + rebuild + relaunch my queer lit blog on open source code, survive school, and rediscover the productivity ive lost the past few years.

teredio has helped me a LOT to find community, inspiration, and art in my loneliest year yet. im very proud of my fic and grateful every day to the ppl who have reached out to me about liking it. even if im sorry about my productivity rate in comparison to how many extraordinary writers there are in the ship's fandom, i know i have to be easy on myself to relearn how to write, create a writing schedule that works for me, and stop punishing myself when i cant get the words out.

past reflections: 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022

#ngl writing this out made me feel like #i reopened a lot of grief about my ability to work and create #and i need to walk away from it before i cry even more lol #thank u to my fc for still being the place #i love to visit when i wake up #even though all of us a struggling a lot #with life and ingame motivation #brianna babbles

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babischlong-six · 6 months

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20 Questions Writer Meme.

tagged by @the-marron <3 Thank you darling <3

How many works do you have on Ao3? Officially? 93. Unofficially, over 120.

What's your total Ao3 word count? 358,732

What fandoms do you write for? Currently Babylon 5, Star Trek (TOS, DS9, ENT), WeiLan Derivs. But there are always more things I get into.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Sorry about the blood in your mouth, I wish it was mine. (The Merciless: canon-compliant alternating POV of Jaeho/Hyunsoo's relationship, angst and romance) "Is not general incivility the very essence of love?" (Star Trek DS9: Garak and Bashir discuss Jane Austen and Cardassian flirting, humor) The Admiral (Star Trek TOS: Post-TSFS, Spock grapples with the memories he is regaining, introspective) Desperate Times (Star Trek DS9: Set during "Doctor Bashir, I Presume," Garak and Bashir's relationship develops, romance and angst with a happy ending) hold me tight and never let go (Star Trek ENT: Archer and Shran get it on, but alien biology proves to be an unexpected hurdle in the relationship, sexual humor)

Do you respond to comments? Why/why not? Yes, absolutely. If someone liked my fic enough to tell me about it, I appreciate it! Also a lot of people say interesting or insightful things that I hadn't thought of, or HAD thought of but didn't include, and I'm always down to talk about things I'm interested. It's a great way to make fandom friends!

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Oh that's a hard one. I'm an angsty writer tbh. There are a lot of fics I've written where one or more characters die. I think one of them would be the Detecive L/The Rebel crossover - We Both Know How This Ends: where two former spies, who had once placed their hopes in a new, better era, have to live with the truth of what bitter end they have achieved. It's also heavily implied that Lin Nansheng will not be allowed to survive long by the very system he sacrificed everything to help instate.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? This is also a hard one. Most of my longer fics are angsty. I guess there's Da-ge's Midlife Crisis Boyfriend: a Mo Sanmei/Qiao Yicheng slice-of-life romcom where nothing particularly bad ever happens, and everyone ends up happy together in the end.

Do you get hate on fics? Oh yeah I used to, for sure. Cray-cray shit. But that was more of a fandom issue. I tend to leave fandoms that get toxic, and I'm happy to report that nowadays I no longer do. (niche retro sci fi fandoms my beloved <3)

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Occasionally. Usually it's either humorous or some kind of character development. Smut is like fight scenes, there's a lot of movement going on, it's hard to keep track of who's doing what with which body part, so I tend to avoid it, but now and then I dabble. I've found that it's easier to write smut when one or both characters is not Human, for whatever reason.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? WeiLan Derivs babeyyy! Yeah, I've written a ton. The craziest one would probably have to be the little one-shot prompt collections I've written about two characters from different fandoms shipped together, but they're played by the same guy.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? I've had concepts and plots stolen, bits of dialogue stolen, and way back in the day, someone re-uploaded my shitty InuYasha fanfic from ff.net to WattPad, but it's been deleted since.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yeah! A few different ones.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? No. Sometimes I bounce ideas around with someone, or ask for help when I'm stuck. But I'd be curious to try it, if only it wasn't so involving - IRL is a bitch.

What's your all-time favorite ship? Just ONE?? You're kidding, right??? I'm currently obsessed with G'Kar/Londo Mollari from B5, but then there's also Garak/Bashir from DS9, and I can't ever forget Lan Qiren/Wen Ruohan from MDZS, but also ENT's Shran/Archer have a special place in my heart---- [gets shot]

What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? Oh fuck dude... So many. There are so, so many.

What are your writing strengths? Beyond a shadow of a doubt, dialogue. I just like writing people talking. Everything else is so hard...

What are your writing weaknesses? Run-on sentences. Repeating stuff I already said, even in the same words. Scene blocking. Scene description: I tend to just offer up a paragraph of "where this is happening" and then completely forget where everyone is standing or sitting and what room they're in. I keep having to go back and add characters interacting with their environments between dialogue tags smh...

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? If it's a language you know? Go for it! If it's a language you don't know, ask someone who speaks the language whether the dialogue sounds insane. You have no idea how many times I stumble across someone having decided to slip in some Russian or Chinese into a character's speech, and it sounds ridiculous, and I have to immediately stop reading because of the cringe (even if it was a good fic up until then!)

First fandom you wrote for? I'm pretty sure it was InuYasha? Maybe Bleach or Naruto? I was 14 and a weeb, for sure tho.

Favorite fic you've written? That's another hard question! Most of the time, I'm pretty neutral on the stuff I've written, unless I actively despise it. For me it's about hearing the characters in my head as I write, rather than even the finished result. I think that's what I tend to mean when I say I'm writing for myself - I'm trying to recapture the feeling of watching or reading that media for the first time, by creating some extension of it in my head, and then bringing it out on "paper." That aside, I've been getting quite a lot of enjoyment out of my Babylon 5 ficlets lately.

'whoever wants to do it, please feel tagged' is a fantastic concept <3 I'll add in: @elemental-queen-writes @hingabee @polkadotcravat @spaceoperajay just for funsies, no pressure <3

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shina913 · 1 year

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Scions, Ch.7 | Kim Line + JHS

Scions, 7

sci·on | \ ˈsī-ən \ Definition:(1)a descendant(2) a shoot or twig, especially one cut for grafting or planting

✼Scions Masterlist✼

Pairing: Fem!Reader Sister + Kim Brothers; JHS x Fem!Reader

Rating: M (🔞)

Genre: Siblings!AU; Marriage!AU; FWB!AU; exes to ?; Mom!Reader; Brother’s Best Friend; drama; angst; smut; fluff

Warnings: ANGST!!!; DRAMA!!!; multiple POV switches; character death; ots of crying–like, A LOT; parenting frustrations; parenting fears; vulnerable confessions; cussing; pining; marriage troubles; mentions of divorce/separation; emotional outbursts; mourning; soft sibling moments

Word count: 7,715 words

Summary: Four grown siblings return to their childhood hometown after their father is declared to be terminal. They are forced to live under the same roof for days, along with their overbearing mother, to say their final goodbyes. It starts off nostalgic until some unresolved family issues along with an assortment of spouses, exes, and might-have-beens make things even more interesting.

A/N: Happy 2023 and sorry this took so long! I had a long-ass note and somehow it got deleted 😂 Woops! Anyway, I wanted to thank all of those who have just recently discovered this story. I love reading all of your notes and thoughts on it as this story is very special to me. It's not an easy read nor is it easy to write (as I've said many times) because it's just...super heavy angst and drama! But I am happy that some of you are enjoying it and looking forward to the next installments!

A/N2: Joon's eulogy was taken from one of his insta stories from May 2022--yes, I have been holding onto this for that long! Translation was taken (verbatim) from @/eternalhyyh on Twt.

A/N3: There are some references to scenes from the two one-offs that were previously posted (Sunshine and Joon & Jooni). One scene in particular picks up right after the end of J&J but it's not super essential that you read those. They just contribute to the story and provide additional context.

After the funeral directors came by to pick up his dad’s body to bring him to the mortuary for cremation, Taehyung retreated to his childhood bedroom. He’d been sitting on the floor for who knows how long. The tears would come and go, especially when he would catch glimpses of old family photos that were displayed on his walls and his bookshelf.

Out of his siblings, he was taking it the hardest. His hero was gone and there was nothing he could do to remedy that.

His nephew and niece tried to coax him out of his room but he couldn’t face them…not like this. He was a mess.

Taehyung took pride in being the ‘fun’ uncle. Always playing games and putting smiles on their faces. The kids were also innately introspective so if they saw any hint that he was upset, they would ask questions about it.

And he wasn’t in the right headspace to talk about any of it yet.

He overheard Namjoon’s voice on the other side of the door, murmuring something about taking the kids to the park. Seconds later, the shadows between the gap of the floor and door moved away, much to his relief.

Sniffling, he reached for his phone by his bedside. He wasn’t sure why but he felt like he needed to confide in somebody…somebody who wasn’t family. Somebody who was emotionally removed from the situation.

“Hi,” he said shakily when the other line picked up. “Do you have a minute?”

******

Eunhae does one final sweep of her hotel room, checking to make sure that she didn’t leave anything. And if she did, it was unlikely that she’d ever come back to this area anyway.

She’d been gone from the office for a few days. And while the nature of her job allowed her to work remotely, it wasn’t like Taehyung was necessarily welcoming her with open arms.

For years, she happily relished in her independence. She didn’t like the idea of ‘belonging’ to someone. The idea of not being tied down to anybody was important to her. She was content with only having to worry about herself, for the most part since her family already worried her enough.

When she first met Taehyung, he was someone that she was instantly physically attracted to. The fact that he offered to carry her giant boxes from the moving truck and into her apartment was a bonus.

He agreed to a no-strings arrangement but she could tell that he didn’t typically go for relationships like that. He was a gentle soul, always thinking about his family and friends.

Even after they’d slept together, he always offered that she stay the night, get something to eat, or just hang out for a bit. 9 times out of 10, she would decline. Spending time together after doing the deed almost always led to some type of attachment. But the times that she would agree, he considered it as a privilege.

He always treated her with respect even though her promiscuity would have other people looking at her differently. He was never the type to just leave right after he got what he wanted. And it was those times that made Eunhae reconsider how she felt about relationships.

After years of living around the city and several casual encounters, she realized that she’d never met anybody like him. It was just unfortunate that she had gone into self-preservation mode right when Taehyung needed somebody.

She’d spent enough time kicking herself for being such an idiot about it. It was what brought her out here to begin with. Unfortunately, Taehyung would have none of it.

While she searches for the TV remote to check herself out of the room, her phone rings loudly from her purse.

It was probably the office again, she thought.

As soon as she retrieves it, the caller ID catches her off-guard.

“H-hey,” she answered. “You know what, I’m still in town. Do you want me to come over?”

******

When Namjoon returned from the park with the kids, his mom immediately greets him by the door asking if he had his suit laid out for tomorrow.

“How could I not bring a suit? I can’t believe…” he muttered to himself.

“Don’t even worry about it, darling!” His mom’s voice echoed through the bedroom from her walk-in closet.

“I was in such a hurry, it didn’t even cross my mind,” he says again, ignoring her comments.

“That’s alright, Namjoonah. You know, you and your dad are pretty much the same size? I mean, right before he got sick.” He turned around to find his mom holding a jacket open for him. It gave him pause, but she remained in that position, waiting to put it on him.

He glances at her for a moment, her expression was soft–one that he rarely saw. Growing up, he made life difficult for her every time she was on a break from filming or if she was in-between projects. Every time he defied her, he would see this hardened look on her face–one of frustration and disappointment.

Namjoon wasn’t always as compliant as his siblings were. He always went against the grain–which caused some constant conflict between him and his mother.

When he left for university, it was one of the best times of his life. He missed his siblings and his old friends but he also felt some relief to not feel obligated to spend time with his mom whenever she was home. He either had to study for exams, attend a workshop, or wanted to save on the bus fare home.

Come to think of it, this is the most time he has spent with her, in the same space, after over a decade.

He swallowed the emotions that bubbled up inside him. He took a step towards her then turned around to stretch his arms backwards. Once he slipped his hands through the armholes, his mom pulled the jacket up his arms and onto his shoulders. He felt her small hands do a quick sweep over his shoulder blades to smooth the material.

Afterwards, she moved around him. His eyes shifted downward while he watched her straighten out the lapels and brush off some errant traces of lint.

“Ma, you don’t have to do that, I can–”

“Shush and just let me do this, adeul.”

He released a long, exasperated breath…and let her be.

“You know, this was one of your dad’s favorites. I had it custom-made for him,” she muses.

Namjoon gets a whiff of his dad’s scent on the jacket and a calm washes over him. It smelled of citrus-mint bar soap…one that he used for as long as Namjoon can remember. His dad was but a creature of habit. He could have gone and used all of those artisanal bath oils and scents that his mom brought from her travels but he always stuck to the same one.

His dad once said that it was the same soap that they carried at the resort where they had honeymooned as newlyweds.

He happened to find the manufacturer and ordered copious amounts of them. To this day, he kept a small stock in a waterproof, air-tight container in the basement. Namjoon chuckled at the memory.

A few more seconds of fussing with his collar, his mom stepped back and cocked her head to the side, admiring her handiwork. “There. So handsome,” she smiled appreciatively.

Namjoon snorts at the remark. “Mom…please,” he says, cheeks slightly flushed from embarrassment.

“What? I’m not allowed to compliment my son? My smart, successful, handsome son? Whom I’m very proud of, by the way,” she added.

Namjoon’s eyes shift downward.

She cocked her head to the side and touched his cheek. “Hey–what’s with the long face?”

“Proud?” His lips quirked morosely. “I’m not sure if I deserve your pride. I’m…I don’t even know if I would be proud of myself.”

She scoffed. “And why not?”

“My marriage is ending because my wife cheated on me right under my nose, my life is in shambles…and now I’m bringing a baby into the world?”

“Is that why you haven’t talked to him in the last few weeks? Is that why you tried to keep this from us? You think we’d think less of you?”

“Ma, even I think less of me right now. I…” he opened his mouth to say something, but struggled to find the right words. “I usually know what my next move would be…but…for some reason, I just feel…” he sighed, “...lost.”

She hummed, understanding his predicament. “A baby, huh? You must be terrified.”

He scoffed. “I am.”

“Well–not sure if it’s any consolation, but that feeling never goes away.”

“That’s reassuring,” Namjoon says sarcastically.

“Why don’t you tell me what you’re afraid of, darling?”

“Uhh…everything! I don’t even know where or how to start raising another human. I can’t even figure out my life right now.” He runs both hands through his hair, suddenly feeling a cold sweat break through his scalp. “What would I teach this kid?”

“Why don’t you sit down, before you give yourself an aneurysm, Namjoonie?”

He sits on his parents’ old bed, which was most recently moved back into the master bedroom after hospice staff picked up the hospital bed and other medical equipment following his dad’s passing.

His mom sits right next to him.

“Sweetheart, do you remember when Jooni was born?”

Namjoon smiles nostalgically at the memory. “Like it was yesterday.”

“Do you remember how you felt when you first held her?”

He laughed. “I was…very scared! She was so small and…I was so nervous, I thought I would drop her.”

“And did you?” She asked quietly.

He shook his head gently. “YN said that, if you loved something that precious, even the clumsiest person would hang on to it as if their life depended on it.”

“And you held her so carefully and so close to you.”

“I did…for over an hour! I didn’t even care that my arm fell asleep,” He laughed softly. “It felt nice.”

His mom smiled. “That’s what being a parent is, Namjoon. It’s terrifying at first because there are so many things that you don’t know. You can plan things out in advance in anticipation for the worst possible scenario but…that’s just not how it works. You learn as you go”

Then she turned and looked at him lovingly. “You just need to love them and do the best you can for them. You hang on to them tightly until they’re ready to let go and set off on their own.”

Namjoon hung his head and stared at the floorboards. “Do you think Vee and I have already screwed this kid up with this divorce?”

His mom rests her arm on his shoulder and squeezes it gently, her expression unyielding but reassuring. “Honey, I think that if you stayed in an unhappy marriage, that would not be healthy for your child either. Most people think that you need to prioritize your child’s happiness before yours–but I disagree. Self-sacrifice is a given when you decide to have children but at the end of the day, you need to take care of yourself, too. It’s an absolute necessity…so that you can take care of others.”

Namjoon nods, allowing his mom’s words to sink in. He knew that his family was unconventional. His parents’ generation was all about doing things for the benefit of the whole family. You didn’t take care of yourself, you didn’t do things for yourself–that was selfish.

Somehow, his parents found a balance to defy all that. They found a way to make their dreams come true and love their children at the same time. While self-sacrifice was evident in all of the decisions they made for their family, self-love also took precedence. It was how his parents reinforced their marriage.

She rubs the back of his neck softly, which he finds comforting. After that, she gives him a kiss on his temple. “You’ll be okay, Namjoonie. We’re here to help you get through this.”

Namjoon lets out a wry chuckle. “You’re way more optimistic than I am. I probably have the worst parental instincts!”

“‘Worst parental instincts’?” She laughed at how ridiculous he was being. “Who was it who volunteered to take the children out to the park for a bit of playtime?”

“That was coincidental. Everyone was busy with stuff and I didn’t want the kids to get bored or get in the way.”

She rolled her eyes. “Give yourself a bit more credit, Namjoon. I see how you are with Joobin and Jooni.”

He continues to wave her off. “That’s different. I play with them for a bit, keep them company…At the end of the day, I get to give them back to YN. It’s kind of like library books.”

Mouth falling open, she gasps and clutches her chest in disbelief. “Kim Namjoon! You did not just compare your niece and nephew to library books?!”

He chuckled in return. “I love books—and I love Joobin and Jooni.” His face falters for a second, turning more serious. “…but they’re not mine. It’s…I don’t know how to explain it.” He sucked in a breath, trying to make out the words. After a few beats, he continued, “I just feel like…I’ll have less room for error when it’s my kid.”

His mom frowned. “Why would you think that?”

Her question was met with silence. She put her hand on his cheek and gently urged him again. “Joonie, tell me.”

He sighed heavily, looking up at her with sad eyes. “I just feel like, after all those years that I treated you badly, maybe this is the universe’s way of getting payback…you know, because I was a bad son to you.”

The words pierced her chest like a barb. They didn’t have the easiest relationship and Namjoon always seemed intent on keeping a rebellious streak but her love for him never wavered.

“Oh, honey…no. No, no, no,” she desperately wrapped her arms around his too-large-frame. “Whatever stuff we were going through…you shouldn’t think of it as some generational thing. Me being away all the time was tough not just on you but on me, too.”

Namjoon sniffled. Regretting all those years that he punished his mom for being absent during his formative years. She did what she needed to…and it was never without his dad’s blessing. He realized that now.

“I’m sorry for not giving you a break, ma,” Namjoon mumbled.

“It’s all water under the bridge.” She pulls away from him and gives his forehead a lingering kiss. “I love you and I just want what’s best for you…always.”

Namjoon stared back into his mom’s eyes. All those years of animosity that he put between them–she just waved it all away with a kiss.

“I love you, mom.”

“I love you, too, darling,” she smiled. “And not that you need to hear this from me but I think you’ll be a great father. You care a great deal about your family–and I think that matters a lot when you’re raising children.”

******

You weren’t the only one on autopilot. Almost everyone in this house was trying to keep themselves busy.

When Namjoon and the kids returned from the park, you handed them off to Sam. Thankfully, he canceled all of his calls and meetings since the funeral was scheduled for tomorrow.

“Where are the kids?” Jin had just emerged from the study. He’d been on the phone with the minister confirming details on the memorial and coordinating with his staff at the restaurant for the reception.

His staff. It was a strange thought. Only days ago, they were your dad’s staff. Even though he relinquished that role to Jin ever since he decided to ‘retire,’ they still considered him as their boss.

“With Sam,” you say, looking up from the soup you were stirring.

He snorted. “At least he’s being useful. I think I’ve only seen him a total of two hours since he arrived. Even in those two hours, he always had that fucking earpiece on,” he says, referring to Sam’s bluetooth headset.

You sighed heavily at Jin’s grumblings about your husband. He didn’t dislike Sam…at least not at the outset. When you brought him home to meet your family, Jin had resigned himself to the fact that this man was going to be in your life, and in turn, his life.

Unlike Namjoon, there was no benefit to wishing that someone else was in his place instead.

But as time went on, Jin grew tired of Sam being away so much, leaving you to deal with the kids and manage your home.

“He’s been busy, oppa. Unfortunately, some foreign clients don’t really care about personal stuff. They just want to know how and when they’re going to get their money.”

Jin wanted to argue that point but he didn’t have the energy. Thankfully, when Namjoon got back from the park, he handed him the list of family members and friends whom he hadn't called yet.

“Where’s Yoojung?” He asks instead.

You were thankful for the change in subject. “Unnie wasn’t feeling well. I told her to go lie down so I offered to finish this up for her.”

“She’s been doing a lot in the last few days,” he says, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“I know. Do you want to go upstairs and keep her company? I’ll let you guys know when dinner’s ready.”

Jin nods and starts to walk off to check on his wife upstairs but turns back around.

“Hey,” he says cautiously.

You look up at him.

He hesitates for a beat, hoping that he wasn’t speaking out of turn. But he was the eldest and he knew that you always respected any advice he gave. He moistens his lips. “Whatever it is you and Sam are going through…just know that whatever you decide, we’ll support you.”

Your breath caught in your throat. For nearly four years, you tried to cover up your marital issues. You and Sam have gone through counseling and after a few sessions, it seemed like things were going to work out.

This time, though? It was becoming more evident that your marriage was beyond repair. Even after your conversation with your dad, you hadn’t made up your mind yet. You thought you could revisit all of that after the memorial, when you and Sam got back to the city.

Although, it seemed as if Jin was as intuitive as your dad was.

“Oppa, I…” Your shaky voice betrayed your resolve.

“I know that if dad were still here, he would say the same thing,” he says softly.

Your nose stung and you felt the tears well up in your eyes. At the first sob you let out, Jin instantly wraps you in his arms tightly.

“Hey…it’s gonna be okay, YN.” He rubbed your back soothingly.

“Please don’t tell Joon yet,” you whimpered.

“Is it because you’re afraid that he can finally kick Sam’s ass?”

You pulled away, chuckling while wiping your tears. “No,” you answer. “He’s just got a lot to deal with right now. I’ll tell him eventually.”

Jin nodded. “I hear you. I will say though, nothing good ever comes out of keeping secrets. Not saying that you were doing it maliciously but…you think you’re protecting people’s feelings when you could be making things worse by not trusting them enough to be understanding about it.”

He wiped the tears that dripped from your cheeks. “At some point, you have to choose whether trying to be strong in front of your kids is worth sacrificing your own happiness.”

He pulls you close for another brief hug and plants a kiss on the crown of your head. “You know that I love you, right?”

You nodded wordlessly.

“Good.”

Before he walks away, the doorbell rings. “I’ll get it,” he says. “Just finish up with the soup.”

“Thank you, oppa.”

******

Jin is surprised to see Eunhae at their front door. She bows to him, giving her condolences.

“Thank you,” he replies sullenly. “If you’re here for Taehyung…he’s…” He scratches the back of his head uncomfortably, unsure how to tell her that his little brother had barricaded himself in his bedroom. ”I’m not sure if he’s up to seeing anyone.”

Eunhae nodded. “I understand.” She omits telling Jin that Taehyung called her and that she offered to come over. She figured that none of his family members have been able to coax him out. “I’d like to try? Uhm…you know, talking to him?”

Jin sighed. At this point, he’d try anything to get Taehyung out of his room. The memorial was tomorrow and he hoped that the whole family would pull it together to send off their dad properly.

He was worried sick about Taehyung. He hadn’t spoken or eaten in the last two days. Yoojung and YN would leave bowls of food by the door and they would remain untouched hours later. The only activity that came out of his room were sounds of old jazz and soul music–songs from their father’s playlist.

“Sure,” Jin invites her in. He offers her some refreshments but she respectfully declines. He then walks her up the steps towards Taehyung’s room. Jin knocked at the door to let him know that Eunhae was here. As expected, there was no response.

He shrugged at her. “Good luck, I guess?” She gave him a polite, grateful smile before he excused himself to check on Yoojung.

Eunhae knocks on the door again and calls to him. “Taehyung? Can I come in?” A few seconds of silence, and she’s about to give up but the door clicks and a disheveled Taehyung stands in front of her.

******

The house felt suffocating so Taehyung asked if Eunhae could drive out by the lake. He needed some fresh air.

“I hope you don’t mind. I called Jungkook and told him about the memorial.” She says, after turning the car engine off.

Taehyung nodded absentmindedly in acknowledgement.

“I just asked him to spread the word–and let your other friends or coworkers know.”

“Thanks,” he replies quietly. “Sorry, I’ve just been…out of it.”

“You don’t have to apologize. You’re going through a lot,” she says understandingly.

“I…I don’t even know what to do with myself,” he mumbled, before rubbing his bloodshot eyes.

She could tell that he wanted to spill his guts out to her but he was holding back. This was something personal…deeply so. And this was never part of their agreement.

But she knew, from the moment she picked up his call and offered to come over, all of those boundaries that she set up to keep him within arm’s reach were out the door.

“I’m here to listen.”

Taehyung turned his head away from the window to face her. She was staring back at him, unmoved. Her eyes drift down to his hand and without hesitation, she reached out to rest her hand over his and gave it an assuring squeeze.

“I’m here for you,” she says.

His eyes flicked down to their clasped hands. When Taehyung called her, he thought that he only needed a sounding board. In reality, he needed her.

And so he talked. He talked about his dad and how much he loved him…and how sad he was that he wasn’t going to be around anymore.

And she listened while he got it all out. She watched him cry and whimper. She saw him surrender to the grief that he was feeling. She wasn’t sure why he felt as if he had to hide this from his siblings. They all seemed very supportive and loving.

After an hour, he got himself together and asked if she could drive him back to the house.

When they returned, they were greeted by his sister. She insisted that Eunhae stay for dinner.

While they sat and ate, his brothers discussed other things that needed to be done before tomorrow’s memorial. She watched him nod obediently, volunteering for tasks, even if they weren’t asked of him.

Eunhae realized that Taehyung was struggling to find his footing in his family. He’s spent so much time trying to come off as someone who was carefree…when in fact, he cared a lot. It must be difficult to be overshadowed by three older siblings who already had their paths laid out.

Discussions then led to the events happening the next day. The memorial was supposed to start early in the morning in their home. A florist would come by to set up an arrangement in the middle of the living room with their father’s portrait, followed by mourners bowing and paying their respects.

The memorial would then be followed by a brief reception at the family’s restaurant.

“Eunhae, you don’t have to rush back, do you?” His mom asks.

“M-ma, let’s not impose on Eunhae. She might need to get back–”

“What Taehyung means is that, I’d be honored to stay, Mrs. Kim,” Eunhae cuts Taehyung off.

His mom smiled warmly. “Very good.”

*******

“Hey, listen–I just want you to know that if you have other stuff going on back in the city, you don’t need to stick around.” Taehyung said as he walked Eunhae out to her car.

Her eyebrows knitted. “I really don’t mind. I want to be able to pay my respects, too.”

He nodded. “I know but…I just don’t want you to feel that my mom’s lured you into something you feel like you can’t back out of.”

She chuckled. “Your mom is a lovely person. I’m happy to be wherever she welcomes me.”

They both exchange awkward smiles before Eunhae gives a small wave, leaving him standing on the curb while she rounds her car to get to open the driver side door.

Taehyung cleared his throat. “T-thanks again…” he blurts out.

“What for?”

He dug his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “For being someone whom I needed.”

“And that is?”

After a brief pause, he sighed. “A good friend.”

With a small nod and smile, she says, “Of course. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

*******

The funeral goes as planned. Even with barely a 2-day notice, the community showed up. As with tradition, the family lined up beside the funeral altar–spouse first, followed by their children, according to birth order: Jin, Namjoon, YN, and Taehyung. Mourners were welcomed by Yoojung and Victoria at the door, and afterwards made their offerings to the dead, then paid their respects to the family.

Afterwards, everyone was invited to gather at the family’s restaurant for a brief reception.

Yoojung, who was feeling much better today, pulled it together to manage the whole event, as was her duty as the eldest son’s wife. Sam was on kid-duty while Vee made small-talk with other guests.

Hobi volunteered his time and one of his staff, Yoongi, to help with the reception. After he paid his respects earlier that morning, he went straight from the family home and into the restaurant to get everything set up before guests arrived for the reception. He was following Yoojung’s lead in terms of food and service, while he left Yoongi in charge to manage beverages.

When Jin arrived, he walked through the kitchen, thanking the staff for their hard work. He spotted Hobi walking through with an emptied chafing dish.

“Hobah?”

“Yes, hyung?” He puts the dish in the sink to soak. “Everything ok? Do you need anything?”

“No, everything’s great. I just wanted to thank you for keeping everything going and helping Yoojung.”

Hobi gives Jin a warm smile. “It’s the least I could do, hyung. Everybody’s here to celebrate appa. He’s touched their lives one way or the other.”

Jin gives a small nod, trying to keep his emotions in check. They may not have been related by blood or marriage–but he was always part of the family. “In any case, our family really, really appreciates it.”

Unprompted, Hobi moves in to give Jin a hug. He shakily accepts it, patting Hobi on the shoulder. “Thank you, brother,” Jin whispers before pulling away and walking off to check on Yoojung.

******

Eunhae steps into the kitchen in search of more napkins in the supply closet when she sees the backdoor ajar. She went to close it but stopped short when she saw Taehyung crouched on the stoop.

“Tae?”

His head jerks up at the sound of his name. “Oh…h-hey.”

“What are you doing here?” She asks. “Jungkook has been looking for you.”

He sighed. “I just wanted a little quiet before everyone got here,” he answers quietly then quickly gets up when sees her with the box of napkins in her hand.

“Hey–I can just get that,” he says, reaching for the napkins. “Why don’t you just chill out and get some food–”

“I don’t mind helping,” she smiled. “Yoojung-unnie needed an extra pair of hands so I offered.”

“I just don’t want you to think that we’re trying to put you to work or–”

She lays her hand on his wrist assuringly. “Taehyung,” she says firmly, “It’s alright. It’s like I said earlier when you called–I’m here for you.”

“I just…I feel really bad about all the stuff I said to you back at the hotel,” he says with regret.

That made the dull ache in Eunhae’s chest begin to move to the forefront but she’s able to push it back to the corner. Even though she wanted to talk to him about it too, this wasn’t the time nor the place. “Listen, why don’t we just get through today and if you’re feeling up to it, we can talk tomorrow? I was planning on driving back to the city tomorrow night.” Although Eunhae was allowed to do her work remotely, she still had to check into the office from time to time.

Taehyung gives a slight bob of his head. Eunhae gives him a polite smile in return. “C’mon, your noona’s asking for you.”

“Sure, I’ll be there in a sec,” he replies.

She turns to walk away but he calls out to her again. She turns around to face him.

“Thank you, Eunhae…for…” he sighed, seemingly at a loss for words. “...For everything.”

“You’re welcome.”

******

An hour-and-a-half into the reception, Namjoon steps to the front of the house to say a few words.

“Thank you, everyone, for coming. I think I speak on behalf of my mom, my siblings, and our respective partners and families,” he glances at Vee, who sat in one corner of the room, “...when I say that, my dad would have been touched knowing that you were all here to celebrate him.”

Then he chuckled. “I think he also would have found it funny that everyone would be fussing over him like this. He would have been the first to get up and tell everyone that we should just all go home, kick our shoes off and have a beer on the porch.”

There was a collective laugh that rang throughout the room.

He paused for a moment, eyes flicking downward to collect himself. Afterwards, he cleared his throat to continue. “It’s not traditional for us to do eulogies but…I’ve always thought that our family was never traditional in that sense anyway so, I don’t think the elders would mind if I read something.”

He opened the book that he clutched in his hand, where a passage was bookmarked. “This was one of the last things that I read to my dad. He and I loved to read together and have long conversations about whatever it was we just read. We’ve had some impassioned discussions and even epic debates that we settled by agreeing to disagree” he says with a chuckle. “But one thing’s for sure…” He paused again, feeling the tears creeping up. But he manages to hold back with a sniffle.

“Anyway, this passage is from ‘I Want to Write, But I Don’t Want to Write:’

A cynical attitude extorts all creations. It would've been better if I was only cynical, but because I'm both warm and cynical, I either burn hot or shiver in cold or lose my energy while going back and forth between the cold and heat.

Because the words and movies I loved were colossal, the closer I get to them, the more limitlessly small and shabby I feel.

You eventually happen to avoid people that make you feel small. Be it your lover, friends or even parents. And then you will have to change your true self.

Just like how you have to acknowledge and get rid of your fantasies about love in order to keep loving. Because no existence or values can be absolutely beautiful.

If the set of values that kept my current self synchronized was in full effect, I have to dispose of those values and keep going by forming a new set of them. Otherwise I have to quit everything boldly and find something else to do.

But sadly, my ordinary self is just standing still, unable to do either of them. In the end, I find myself meaninglessly romantic and contradictory for being unable to give up what I have to give up and gave up on myself instead.

Even if it may not be reachable, I currently don't know any other way than just heading towards that place.

Namjoon shut the book and tucked it between his palms, then hugged it to his chest. His eyes roamed the room, finding that there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

He lets out a shaky breath, finishing with, “I know my dad would have thought it was far-fetched that anybody would miss him,” he paused, “But you all being here proves him wrong. The fact is that we miss you, dad…a lot.”

His mom rose from her seat, walked towards him to kiss him on the cheek.

******

“Are you driving back tonight?” Namjoon asks Vee while he walks her to her car.

“Hmm…I was thinking about it,” she replies..

Namjoon’s expression became uneasy. “The weather reports say it’s supposed to rain tonight.” Vee drove a Porsche 911 Turbo. It was a death trap for Namjoon but she loved her little speed demon.

“Would you mind staying another night? I’ll pay for the hotel,” he offered while eyeing her car worriedly.

She smiled warmly and appreciated his concern. He may not love her anymore but it was good to know that he still had love for her.

“If it makes you feel better, I’ll stay another night and leave in the morning. You don’t need to pay for it.”

He nodded in gratitude. “Thanks for being here and…you know, doing all that…” He referred to her acting like a dutiful wife, talking to relatives and neighbors as if everything was normal.

She nodded politely. “You’re welcome. You gave a beautiful sendoff.”

He chuckled. “I’m glad you thought so.”

“You’ve always had a way with words.” She smiled at him before stepping into her car.

He lingered there for a bit, watching while she plugged her keys into the ignition. Then, he stepped off the curb, knocking on the passenger window. “Vee?”

She rolls it down to hear him better.

“When I get settled in my new place…we should talk.”

Her jaw nearly drops with his offer. “Uhm…yes…yeah…” she stuttered. “That would be great.”

He nodded. “For the baby.”

She nods in return. “Of course.” On that hopeful note, she pulls out of her parking spot to drive back to the hotel.

Namjoon turned on his heel to walk back to the restaurant to help clean up. On the path there, he comes across Sam, who looked like he was on a very terse phone call.

Sam gave a quick head bob upon eye contact. Namjoon acknowledges him before he ducks indoors.

******

After the memorial, everyone returns to the house. Everything had been such a blur in the last few hours–it’s hard to believe that it wasn’t even dinner time yet. Everybody looked exhausted and parked themselves as far as their bodies would take them. Jin and Yoojung sat in the dining room, making coffee, while Namjoon made himself a pot of instant jjajangmyeon.

Taehyung was sprawled on the family room’s floor, with his best friend Jungkook, while both kids horsed around them.

Your mom, mostly stoic in the last two days, carefully trudged back upstairs to nurse a headache.

“YN, you want some?” Namjoon offered.

You decline absentmindedly, trying to search for Sam. He may have gone straight upstairs to lay down.

Just then, Joobin comes running towards you with his iPad. “Mommy, my iPad is dead,” he complains.

“Why don’t you plug it in by the corner, bud?” You point towards the little table where you’ve set up a device charging station for the kids.

“I tried but it won’t work. I think the wire is broken.” You let out an exasperated sigh. It didn’t matter which ‘braided’ or ‘angled’ charging cable you bought to make your life easier when it came to the kids’ devices. They always found new ways to break whatever was touted as the most durable material on the market.

“Okay, why don’t you stay here and play with Uncle Tae and Jungkookie and I’ll check to see if daddy will let you borrow his. Sound good?”

With a big smile, he runs off and jumps into Jungkook’s arms.

When you round the corner from the stairs’ landing, you call out to Sam.

“Hey, can I borrow a charging cable–

Sam looks startled when you come to view.

“What’s all this?” You ask, gesturing at his luggage.

He sighed uncomfortably. “I…I have to leave.”

“Leave? Now?” You ask through gritted teeth.

“Uh…soon,” he replies.

You turn your head away so quickly to take a breath, calming yourself so as not to completely lash out at him while in a full house.

You quietly shut the door behind you before hissing at him. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, right? When were you going to tell me?”

“I–” he stuttered. “Look, I just got the call earlier, a little after the reception ended. I was going to tell you once everyone was settled in.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose, reining in your annoyance. You were exhausted and weren’t in the mood for an argument but he was really making it difficult to make this into a reasonable discussion.

“My UK deal is falling apart and I have to fly over there to save it.” It was as if he hadn’t even considered what you and your family had just gone through. Your dad was dead and Sam was ready for ‘business as usual.’ As if he actually tried to pause while your dad slowly faded away.

You scoffed. “And you didn’t tell them that you were in mourning? Are your bosses so self-absorbed that a death in the family is a non-factor?”

“They didn’t force me, YN. I made the call.”

Your jaw drops. You knew Sam valued his work but you didn’t think he would choose it over family.

“My dad just fucking died and you’re leaving? Were you just counting down the hours?”

He let out an exasperated groan. “Of course not. I didn’t come to this decision lightly.”

“Bullshit,” you spat out. “I am barely hanging on here and all I need is a little bit of support from my husband! Is that too much to ask?”

“I was here for you…I…I am! I left a fucking business deal on the table so I could be here for you!”

“You mean locking yourself in a room to be on the phone for hours on end is what you call ‘being there for me’? Entertaining the kids a couple hours at a time before your next conference call is your way of supporting me?”

“I’m doing the best I can, YN. We’ve been here for over a week already–”

“When you asked me to marry you…you said you would be a provider of this family. I…I honestly didn’t expect you to go above and beyond that promise, but you did. And for that, I will be forever grateful. In return, I wanted you to be able to live out your ambitions. You were great at what you do. So, I made a home for you and our children…tried to make the best of this marriage. And you can’t say that I didn’t try…because I fucking did.”

You met Sam during a rough period in your life. You were just getting over Hobi, adjusting to your new job, and living with Namjoon until you found a place of your own. It was a scary, transition period and suddenly, here was this nice, handsome man, handing you your transit card that you just dropped.

You weren’t looking for anything serious. He was a good distraction at the time…until you fell pregnant.

It was such an inopportune time and you contemplated not going through with it but Sam convinced you otherwise. He confessed his love for you and promised to take good care of you.

He said as much when you took him back here to face your parents and your brothers. He asked your dad for permission to marry you, to which he agreed, appreciating the gesture.

Namjoon was less than thrilled.

It wasn’t the dream wedding your mom had envisioned for you when you were a little girl but it was intimate and lovely. Everyone who mattered in your life was there.

It was touch-and-go at first and Sam was very patient. Somehow, he managed to juggle a new wife, a new baby, and a demanding job without breaking a sweat. It was what made you love him even more.

And it was good for the first two years…until problems started cropping up. You don’t get your dream job without sacrificing a few things along the way.

It started with little fights about why dinner wasn’t ready yet, or why that vacation was getting canceled again. You stopped communicating because he was at work all the time and you’d be tired from working and caring for Joobin.

But you didn’t want this marriage to fail. You sought counseling for a few months and it actually helped. Things seemed better. In fact, things felt so much better, that you decided to have a second child.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t long after Jooni was born that the same cracks in your marriage became evident once more. At that point, you had your hands full with managing your household and two children. You didn’t have the bandwidth to manage your husband.

“And now? I’m tired, Sam.” Your shoulders slumped while you stared at him.

Sam’s eyes stayed glued to you. He opens his mouth to try to argue but he snaps it shut instead. It was pointless. It was a valiant effort on both your parts but this decision was a long-time coming. It seemed as though you were just waiting for the other to pull the trigger.

He put his hands on his waist and sighed in defeat. “Can I at least say goodbye to the kids?”

You nodded softly. “Of course.”

You eyed each other silently from across the room. Knees feeling weak, you feel the need to sit yourself down on the mattress. You sighed with your head in your hands.

You feel the side of the mattress dip while he takes a seat beside you. “We had a good run, didn’t we?”

“Yeah,” you sniffled. “Damn,” you shook your head warily.

******

After Sam left, you went into the backyard, tidying up the kids’ toys. You weren’t quite ready to explain all of the details to them yet, even as he hugged them goodbye. You and Sam agreed to sit them down when you were both back in the city and all legalities have been set in motion.

You were in the midst of picking up Joobin’s dinosaurs when you heard Taehyung offer to help.

“Oh, I’m fine,” you replied.

He took two strides closer to you. “You don’t sound like you’re fine.”

You gave him the most genuine smile you could muster. “Tae, I’m fine.”

“C’mon, noona. I know you.”

You scoffed, shaking your head and continued to pick up action figures, tossing them into a bucket. “You say that as if you’re some expert.”

“I’m an expert in you.”

You laughed as you walked away from him. “Really?”

“Of course. I mean…you practically raised me.” That stopped you dead in your tracks until he caught up to you.

“When I’m confused or lost or struggling with a decision, I think about what noona would do.” Then he smiled broadly. “And I do it and…things turn out fine.”

Each of you had your own style of ‘lecturing’ Taehyung. Your approach wasn’t nagging but you always left room for him to make his own decisions. You didn’t realize that he would take those to heart.

You bit into your lip to stop it from quivering. “Tae…”

“Would you be mad if I tried to give you some advice?”

You laughed softly and shook your head emphatically.

He leaned in and rested his hands on your shoulders. “I want you to know that it’s okay to be fine. And you deserve to be fine,” he says firmly.

Your eyes welled up at your little brother’s words of comfort. Even in the moment when you feel the whole weight of the world on your shoulders, your family was here to remind you that they were here to share the load.

“Now, c’mon. Hobi-hyung just invited the whole family to drinks at Hangsang!”

“W-wait–but my kids?”

Taehyung grinned. “Mom says she’s got it. She says you deserve a drink or two.”

You nodded then began to walk back up the porch and into the house.

You paused at the threshold. “So…what about you? Are you…fine?” You hadn’t really had a conversation after he locked himself up in his room for nearly a day. You were understandably worried.

Taehyung’s mouth curved into a smile. “I’m on my way there.”

You cupped his cheek and gave it a little pinch. “Is Eunhae coming to Hangsang?”

He laughed softly. “Yeah, she is. She…volunteered to be designated driver.”

You chuckled and lifted a shoulder. “Maybe you’ll get to ‘fine’ quicker than you think.”

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