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poohbea · 2 years

Text

𝐒𝐀𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄.

eren yeager | smut, slight fluff, angst if you squint | aristocrat!au

wordcount: 5.8k

content: upper class shenanigans, softdom!eren, fem!reader, oral (receiving), penetration (missionary and doggy), rough sex, pet names (princess, beautiful, etc.), crying, dick drunk reader, daddy kink, eren is a liiiittle pushy and an asshole (just a tiny bit), both of them holding a very weird hatred for each other (idk how else to describe it), unprotected sex (use protection kids)

― synopsis: being the heir of the biggest company in paradis holds it's challenges but no one prepared you for eren yeager

note from pooh: this turned out to be longer than expected lmao, writing smut after a long time is so hard omg i never know what the hell to say, hopefully it's not that obvious. i'm not too happy with it but i'm so over re-writing it at this point hahaha.

WARNING: this is smut, so please ensure you have your age visible on your account before interacting. Minors (below 18+), ageless and blank blogs will be BLOCKED

Hope you enjoy ♡ reblogs are greatly appreciated

“Oh don’t look so glum,” your mother chastised, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “Enjoy yourself my love.” Her diamond earrings glistened in the warm candle light cascading from the chandeliers of the grand ballroom. She was an angelic vision in her lilac dusted gown, the same diamonds as the ones in her ears speckled through the fine fabric like dew on flower petals.

You sighed, sipping from your recently refilled glass of white wine. “Easier said than done.” Your gaze moved with the dancing crowd below you, dots of assorted colours and jewellery, black, white, green, pink. You hadn’t seen him yet.

She chuckled at your seriousness. “Do you really think hiding yourself away up in the balcony is going to solve your problems?”

Yes. “What else am I supposed to do?” You sent her a questioning side glance.

“Oh I don’t know… go down there? Dance? Mingle? God forbid you have fun.” She positions herself at your side against the bannister, dress brushing against your own.

Silently you leaned your head on her shoulder, a scent of vanilla and roses floating from her skin. “Is he here?” You whispered as you played with the delicate lace on your sleeves.

“He is.” She replied solemnly, resting her head on top of yours.

Your heart sank as her words solidified your anxiety. Of course he was here, how could he not be?

The man in question was one Eren Yeager, son of Lord Grisha and Lady Carla of Maria. A man who had been a thorn in your side since you were children. Lord Grisha generated his wealth from his medical practices littered across the country, this was valuable to your family, valuable enough to do business with.

Your parents thought it a good idea for you and Eren to become acquainted, being about the same age, maybe something would blossom. Though the only thing that did blossom was the growing hatred between you both. You somehow were always getting on each other’s nerves, so much so that you began to despise him. It started with small childish things, hair pulling, petty fights over trivial topics like who got to have the last of everything, but when you hit adolescence he made it a point to make a snarky comment no matter what you were doing.

“What the hell happened to your face?” He’d scowled at you one afternoon while you lay idly in the grass reading a book. It just so happened to be the same day your mother decided you were old enough to start wearing makeup.

You threw him an irritated look. “It’s makeup.”

“Your mother let you leave the house looking like that?” His shadow covers your face as he leans over you curiously, running a finger along your cheek.

“Piss off Eren!” He laughs as you throw your book at his face, easily dodging the hardback.

It was even worse as you came of age to actually date. He somehow managed to wriggle his way in and meddle with all your potential suitors, spreading rumours, interrupting dances and private conversations. There was a time everyone believed you’d slept with all of your father’s business partners, of course it wasn’t true but that didn’t stop your parents from losing their minds over the allegations. Your reputation was an important one, it was make or break in this dog-eat-dog world you were born into. You never really did find out who or where that rumor came from, but you had a funny feeling Eren had something to do with it.

“Maybe he’ll behave himself now that he’s in public.” Your mother continued.

“Fine I’ll go, but if he says anything out of turn...” You looked to her, finding no trace of disapproval, just her soft features watching the sway of dresses below.

“You’ll be fine.” She shifts to stand upright again before kissing your temple. “What’s the worst that could happen?” She smiles, disappearing through the curtain draped over the entryway of the balcony.

Sighing, you down the last of your wine and readjust the bust of your dress, smoothing over the lace that hung off your shoulders, dress twinkling in the light like stars at dusk. With a deep breath you found your way to the staircase that led onto the ballroom floor, hesitating at the top as you watched a parade of colour flutter by. You had yet to see Yeager, you reassured yourself. And hopefully you’d go the whole night without the misfortune of running into him. As you began your descent your mother’s words echoed through your mind one last time.

What was the worst that could happen?

Foreign and familiar faces welcomed you with curtseys and bows of reverence while you walked through the crowd, head held high and a bright smile on your face, greeting your family’s many business partners.

Being the heir to one of the largest companies in all of Paradis held a lot of responsibility, the primary one, being the picturesque daughter your father sought you out to be. Proper, intelligent and scandal-free. Something that was already hard to do in a sea of people who fed off of gossip.

“Lady y/n.” A kindly voice pulled you from your thoughts. “Could I interest you in a dance?” Jean Kirstein - the newest addition to your fathers growing list of associates- greeted you coyly with a hand outstretched in invitation.

You gave a half-smile “Of course.”

He was a handsome man to say the least, with tousled blond hair and a smile that had butterflies churning in your stomach. His suit was a classic black and white three piece, a teal tie bringing a pop of colour that complimented his alluring hazel eyes.

With one hand in yours and the other securely on your waist, he whisked you out onto the dance floor, taking the lead as he began moving you in time with the music. His gentle gaze never left yours as you floated across the floor effortlessly, touch warm against your hips that he guided in a rhythm that met his own.

“You’re quite good at this aren’t you?” Your playful expression made him chuckle.

“Of course my lady,” he replied, spinning you before continuing. “I had to make a good first impression didn’t I?”

The tempo rose with the changing routine and it was time to switch partners. He laid a soft kiss on your hand before releasing you in another spin, a laugh bubbling in your chest as you landed in the arms of your next partner.

“Good to see you’re enjoying yourself my lady,” your smile faltered as you looked up to see the face of the man you’d so desperately tried to avoid all night. “Don’t look so upset, frowning was never a good look on you?” A smirk hung on his lips as he towered over your smaller frame, loose hairs framing his face as he pinned you with mischievous eyes.

“What are you doing here, Eren?” You spat, feeling your skin tingle where his touch slowly made its way down the small of your back.

A huff left his chest. “I was sent an invitation? Why were you hoping I wouldn’t come?”

“Yes,” you retort. “I was hoping for a night of peace.”

He extended an arm and spun you in place, then roughly pulled you back into his chest. “You and I both know that’s never going to happen.” There was a knowing undertone in his voice, a tone that you knew always held bad intentions.

“Why must you always ruin my night?” You carped, trying your best to maintain your composure. There were too many important people around for you to make a scene and not face the consequences, but the longer he spoke the closer he was to pushing you there.

He dipped you low and your gaze caught Jean’s, who smiled at you softly while dancing with a woman in red. How you yearned to be back in his arms again.

“So you and Kirstein? What’s that about?” Eren nodded to the man in question as he brought you back up again. Your breath nearly left you with how close his lips were to your own, too distracted by that fact you didn’t even register his question.

“What?” Your brows furrowed at him as you took a step back to put some distance between you.

He met you with an icy expression. “Are you and Jean...an item?” He pressed, voice faltering at the end as if it pained him to even say those words. Why did he care?

“No, he’s an associate of my father’s, why does it matter?” You answered honestly, unconsciously moving your hand from his shoulder to his chest, running your index finger over the key shaped pin on his jacket collar.

“You seem awfully fond of someone who cleans horse shit for a living.” You catch him glance over his shoulder to where you could only assume Jean stood, not missing the irritation in his voice.

“He does not,” your hand smacks his chest. “He runs the biggest transport company in the country, horses are just one of his divisions.”

Eren rolls his eyes at your defensiveness. “Oh so you do like him. I didn’t know you enjoyed the smell of horse shi-”

The song comes to an end and you break away from him before you do something you’d regret. You opened your mouth and closed it again, fists balling at your side as everything you ever wanted to say became stuck in your throat. For all the belittling, the mocking and the embarrassment, you wanted to let him have it, but something held you back. Your tongue was stiff as he watched you with an inscrutable expression, waiting for you to break.

Instead your face softens, an equally unreadable expression etched upon your features. “Thank you for the dance Eren, good evening.” You said simply, giving a final curtsey before turning your back to him, you weren’t going to give him the satisfaction.

With a hastened pace you pushed your way through the sea of guests, odd looks cast your way as you haphazardly bumped into a server holding champagne, making you lose your balance. The glasses clattered to the floor with a loud shatter, most of it spilling on your dress in the commotion as you landed on your hands and knees in the liquid. The crowd around you gasped and sneered, encircling your distressed figure on the floor, apologetic and frantically searching for an exit. You saw Eren among them, a taunting glint in his eyes, as if he enjoyed seeing you like this. Beneath him.

You were mortified.

“Y/n! Are you alright?” Jean’s voice broke your fixed gaze. The man knelt down to help you up, but to his surprise you tore your hand from his, offered him a pained smile and curtsied half-heartedly.

“Excuse me.” You choked before speeding up the staircase, uncaring of the array of murmurs and snickers that followed your abrupt and dramatic exit.

This was his fault, Eren fucking Yeager. You cursed as your feet blistered in the tall heels you’d been wearing the whole night, reduced to hobbling down the long hallway, body sticky and damp from alcohol. This was the worst that could happen, you thought. As if being ridiculed wasn’t enough he had to go and add insult to injury with his stupid fucking face mocking you from the crowd.

Was this his plan? To rile you up so much that you’d slip up in front of everyone that was important to you? To your family?

“Fucking Yeager!” You growl, stepping into your room and slamming the door shut behind you. You began pulling pins from your hair tossing them onto your vanity in frustration, strands falling over your shoulders as you kicked off your shoes in the process. You were done with this evening, with everyone and everything associated with it.

As you finally tore the last pin from your now disheveled curls you heard a knock at your door. “I’m not accepting guests at this time!” You called out, frustrated with the ties on your dress. There was silence, then another knock. “Go away!” A string of curses fall from your lips as your fingers continue to slip against the silky fabric. “This couldn’t possibly get any worse.” You sigh. Then you heard your door open. “I said go away-!”

The source of your fury stood leant against the door frame, an arrogant aura emanating from his figure as he watched you struggle to undress. “How unladylike-”

The shoes you had discarded on the floor found their way into your hands and you aimed for his head, disappointed when he narrowly dodges the object. “Get out!” You glowered at him, other shoe in hand ready to throw.

He gave you an incredulous look, smoothing the loose strands on his forehead displaced due to evading your attack. “Are you insane?!” He shouts, picking up the shoe you’d just tossed at his face.

You threw the other shoe, this time at his groin, to which again he narrowly dodged. “Have you not had enough of making a fool of me today? You had to come up here to see your work first hand?” You’d given up on your calm façade, letting your emotions spill as you saw fit in the privacy of your room.

“You’re blaming me for that disaster?” He brayed, both of your shoes now in his palms.

“Of course this is your fault!” You spat callously. “The constant degrading, the fucking agony you put me through every event. You love to humiliate me every chance you get! And for what? Your own twisted sense of humour?” Your chest heaved as you found yourself mere inches from him, breast almost against his in your fit of rage, defeated tears spilling down your flushed cheeks.

You hated to cry, especially in front of Eren but at this point you couldn’t think of anything else to do. The pained attempt to stop the tears from falling ended in hundred more flooding out, you couldn’t bottle it all up anymore, not this time.

Silence filled the room, save your shallow shaky breaths and his deep ones. His face was once again unreadable, eyes scouring yours, for what, you didn’t know. Abandoning your shoes on the floor, his hand brushed a stray lock of hair that curled at your collarbone, grazing the skin there as his now softened gaze lowered to your lips, then back to your watery-eyed glare. The touch set goosebumps upon your skin as he continued up your neck to your jaw, wiping a thumb over your tear stained cheek.

“Let me make it better.” He breathed onto your lips, pleading eyes piercing into yours. His thumb traced your bottom lip tenderly, time slowing as his own met yours. He walked you backward further into your bedroom by your hips, closing the door behind him with an audible sound that reverberated off the hinges. His hand shifted to caress the back of your neck, pulling you into him further to deepen the kiss, moulding against your lips as he used his other hand to loosen the knot in the ties of your dress.

When the back of your knees hit your bed you parted, out of breath and thinking a bit clearly. “Eren,” you sighed, forehead against his as your breathing fell in time with one another. “Please, we-” He places a kiss on your cheek, turning you around to have better access to the back of your dress.

“Shh.” He whispers. His fingers pry the ties free and from their loops and he watches your body visibly relax, finally released from the confines of the material. Softly he pulls the fabric from your arms and down your waist till it became a pool of colour on the carpeted floor. His jacket and tie join it as he flicked the first few buttons of his shirt open to expose the tanned expanse of his chest.

You felt oddly vulnerable in your underwear, even if this wasn’t the first time he’d seen you this way, his gaze still painted a flush upon your skin. Instinctually your arms came up to cover your bare chest, breasts almost spilling from between them.

He chuckles, neck lowering to plant a kiss on your shoulder as he smooths a hand over your stomach. “I’ve seen you like this plenty of times but you still hide from me.”

His fingers played with the waistband of your panties mindlessly, lips continuing their way up your shoulder. The heat of his touch has your mind going fuzzy, losing yourself in the way his hands trailed over your skin, familiar with every mark, every crevasse, every curve your body had to offer. Your lips part in a gasp as he bites into the soft flesh of your neck, sucking a dark bruise into the skin. “I’ll never get tired of seeing you like this.”

He turns you back around to face him, pushing you onto the mattress softly. His hips nestle between your thighs as his body envelops yours, pressing his hard-on against your clothed pussy.

“Eren.” With a sigh your hips squirm beneath his, attempting to ease the arousal rapidly pooling at your core.

“Yes, sweetheart?” You lose your voice at the way his mouth paths down your collarbone, laving marks into the depths of your skin. His hands find yours still covering your chest and pries them away, entwining your fingers to pin your hands above your head. Beneath his intense gaze the flush on your skin deepened, struggling to keep still while your heart threatened to beat out of your chest. He looked like he wanted to devour you.

“Y/n.” He whispers mindlessly against your skin. Before you could answer him a gasp caught in your throat as his tongue encircled your nipple. He released your hands to cup your tits, rolling the other bud between his thumb and forefinger. “Keep them there.”

Your back arched unconsciously, rubbing yourself against his cock — still uncomfortably strained against the zipper of his trousers — causing a deep groan to sound from his throat, the sound alone making your clit throb.

“Fuck, Eren.” Digging your nails into your palms you struggled to keep them above your head, as you whined. It was embarrassing the amount of power he had over you, the way a simple flick of his tongue birthed an impossible ache between your thighs. After doing this with him for this long you’d think it’d have worn off by now.

“That’s it beautiful, say my name.” He coos, continuing his assault down to your thighs. His fingers curl around your panties and guide them down your legs, letting it join your dress on the floor.

A breathy moan escaped you as he wastes no time drawing a long strip from your entrance to your clit, moaning at the way your arousal danced on his tongue. Pushing your thighs apart he did it again, dipping his tongue into you this time to gage your reaction.

Those sweet sounds he craved for weeks finally fell freely from your lips, like music to his ears. He drank in every gasp and every whimper as your head lulled back and your back arched, still obeying his instruction as your fingers dug into the bedsheets.

His cock twitched as you began rocking your hips into his face, matching the pace of his tongue fucking into your dripping cunt. How did he always end up here? Back in this position, on his knees, between your legs, savouring the way you tasted like it was the last time he’d ever get to experience it. How tightly did you have him wound around your finger? Pretty damn tight apparently. As much as he tried to deny it, push you away with insults, humiliation and bickering he always found himself here, worshipping your pussy.

He hated you for it.

“’Ren, please. Please, please, please, fuck.” Your thighs strained against his hold, trembling as you continued fucking his face.

Fuck, he could listen to you beg forever. “What do you want princess?” He asked in a husky tone, planting tender a kiss on your inner thigh. His eyes were glazed over, a deeper green than they were on the dancefloor. Fingertips ghosted your entrance as he waited for your reply, his breath on your clit making you clench around nothing.

“I need you... I need you inside me, please.” You panted desperately.

“Shit,” he mutters under his breath as you open your legs wider for him. “Look how wet you are.” The way your arousal dripped down your ass and onto the sheets made his mouth water, the view never got old. Reluctantly pulling away from you he finally rids himself of his clothes, sighing softly as he finally frees his cock from the confines of his pants.

The sight had your mind reeling. He reminded you of an art piece, like marble where the finest detail was carved to perfection. His skin glowed in the candle light, glistening in a thin veil of sweat with your arousal still on his lips — rosy and plush. Muscles pulsed as he reached behind his head to pull the band in his hair, freeing a cascade of long dark hair onto his back and shoulders.

He hovers over you, lips ghosting yours as he guides his cock through your folds with a hiss. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

“I’d hope so.” You reply with a cheeky grin, laying a kiss on his chin.

You yelp as his hand slaps your ass harshly, the sound reverberating off the walls. There was a handprint now burning red on your ass. “What was that for?” You hiss, trying to move your hips away but find them pinned to the mattress under his weight.

He bites your neck in reply. “For being rude.”

“Oh, piss off.” He raises a warning brow as you roll your eyes.

Again he smacks your ass as punishment, this time harder in the same place. “Do that one more time, see what happens.”

The sting of your ass seemed to have clouded your judgement as you proceeded to take him up on that challenge. “Fuck yo-!”

Before you could finish your rebuttal he shoves his cock into you without warning, completely filling you to the hilt. Your hands find his shoulders instinctively, embedding crescent shaped marks into his skin. The sound you made was a mix between a gasp and a moan, both in shock and pleasure at the sudden intrusion.

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?” Eren chuckles beside your ear, smirk evident in his tone.

A shaky breath leaves your chest. “I hate you.” You grumble in reply, the words coming out breathier than intended.

He shifts to rest his forehead against yours, a shit-eating grin still on his face. “If you hate me so much…” The pause is met with a harsh thrust of his hips, sending another moan tumbling from your lips. “Then why am I the only one that’s able to have you like this?” Your breath hicks as he repeats the same action, nose brushing his as he moved.

You didn’t have a real answer, it’s not like you didn’t seek sex from other partners, you did, but none of them could compare to the man before you. There was something comforting in how he knew your body inside and out, your expressions, the way your skin flushed under his touch, every moan and stutter. You trusted him with your body as he did you with his, but in doing so it fed into an addiction, one that could only be satisfied by Eren.

“Who said you were the only one?” You teased back.

His breath hit your nose as he huffed out a laugh. “No one can make you feel the way I do. Admit it.”

It was your turn to laugh. “Don’t flatter yourself. Anyone can do what you do, you’re not special.”

“Oh really?” His cock twitches inside of you, hips moving at an agonisingly slow pace. “Like who?”

“O-others, why do you need to know?” You stutter out, unable to draw a realistic name from the top of your head.

“I’d like to know who my competition is. That is if they even exist.” Your skin tingles as his nose traces the curve on your cheek. Eren knew exactly what that stutter meant. You were a liar. But that didn’t make going along with it any less entertaining.

“Of course they exis- fuck!” Pleasure overwhelms you as he hits a familiar spot, fingers playing with your clit as he continued his strokes.

“Mmm.” He groans against your cheek. “You know how much I hate lies, y/n.” His pace doesn’t let up as he speaks, fingers and cock moving in time with one another, a sweet harmony that had you struggling to maintain your fragile composure.

“I’m not-”

Spank.

“Stop lying to me sweetheart,” he warns again, upping the pressure on your clit. “Who’s the only one that can make you feel like this?” You could barely think, let alone speak as he continued his ministrations. Your pussy was a sopping mess, so much so that the lewd sound of your wet cunt taking his cock was audible with every delicious stroke.

Your breath fanned against his neck, hot and fast between moans and whines. The longer this went on the quicker your resolve dissipated and soon you were at his mercy. “You ‘Ren, it’s you.”

“I’m sorry?” He smiles, leaning his ear to your lips. “Say it again I don’t think I heard you.”

“Fuck, you’re the only one who can make me feel like this ‘Ren.” You repeat begrudgingly between breaths.

“Good girl.” With a kiss to your cheek he leans back on his heels, letting his cock slip out of you. “Turn over for me.”

Obediently you flip over on your hands and knees, chest brushing the mattress as you position your ass in the air. You feel him move over you, watching as he retrieves two pillows at the head of the bed to place under your hips, to which you happily lay on.

His hands slip themselves into the crease where your hips met your thighs, memorising the way your back arched in this position. He proceeds to run his thumbs over the small of your back, parallel to your spine before his grip tightens slightly and he’s pushing your hips into the pillows. Slowly he eases into you, moaning at the way your pussy engulfed him eagerly, tightening as inch by inch he drew deeper.

"Holy fuck, ‘Ren!” You cry, nails clawing the sheets. It was like he was in your stomach, if that was even possible.

His tongue paths its way up your spine, leaving spaced open mouth kisses on your skin till he reaches your ear. “Does that feel good princess?”

You could only moan in response, heavy breaths wafting your hair that had fallen over your face. He wasn’t even moving but he still managed to turn your brain to mush.

With a chuckle he pecks your shoulder. “I can’t hear you.”

“Yes.”

“Yes what?” His hips shift slightly, drawing a string of whines from your throat. “I want to hear you say it.”

“Yes, daddy.”

“Mhm.” The weight of his body leaves yours as he sits back up, pausing to give your ass a squeeze. “And what if I move like this?” His hips draw back slowly before pushing back into you with a force that almost knocked the breath out of you. “That feel good too, baby?”

“Yes, fuck it feels so good, daddy.”

That was all the confirmation he needed to let go and fuck you into the bed the way he knew you loved. Hard and rough. Using your back as leverage he pressed into your skin, grip tight around your waist as he watched your ass ripple with every slap of his hips against your own.

You were so damn intoxicating it wasn’t even a joke anymore. There were days he’d actually miss this, miss you. Your face, your scent, your taste, how your pussy felt as it squeezed him at every inch, it was like you were made for him and vice versa. He’d never actually tell you any of that though.

This wasn’t love. It was sex, reoccurring mind blowing sex. Or so he continued to tell himself.

“Fuck, yes, yes, yes, yes!” By the way your toes curled he knew he was hitting that sweet spot along your walls. Satisfaction swelled in his chest at your cock drunk form scrunching the sheets between your fingers, losing your voice in the pleasure surging through your body.

“That’s it sweetheart.” Cooing, he slows his pace to pin your hands behind your back, trapping your wrists in one hand and using the other to play with your clit. “You love this dick don’t you?”

Mindlessly you reply. “Yes daddy, so deep in my pussy.” At this point you would say anything, do anything if he asked you to. With the way his dick kissed that spot inside you over and over it was hard not to lose yourself, to let your eyes roll back and just take it.

“You feel so good princess, fuck you take me so well.” He looks down to where your bodies met, almost cumming at the sight of you creaming all over his cock. Your nails were digging into the back of his hand that still pinned your hands to the small of your back, grip tightening as your thighs tensed.

“I’m gonna cum, I-I’m gonna cum.” You whine with a hick.

“Cum for me, sweetheart. Cum all over this dick.” He wasn’t going to be able to hold back much longer as you grew tighter with each passing stroke, but he needed you to cum first, he needed to watch you come undone on his cock.

“Eren!” You hold onto his hand for dear life as you fall over the edge, your whole body tightening as Eren fucks you through your orgasm, fingers still softly caressing your clit.

“Good girl, that’s it.” He praises, out of breath, soon following with his own high. White hot ropes of cum painted your insides as a variation of your name fell from his lips in an incoherent mess. Normally he’d never be caught dead cumming inside if it was any one else but because it was you he bent that rule.

You groan softly as your body grew heavy, sinking into the soft mattress. Almost ready to pass out then and there you feel Eren shuffle behind you, moaning as his cock slides against your walls, slowly drawing from your warmth.

He falls onto his back beside you with a sigh. “Come here.”

“Mmm.” You groan, still fucked out and limp with flattened pillows under your hips probably damp with his cum as you felt it leak from your hole.

He clicks his tongue and pulls you forward effortlessly by your arm, cradling you in his side. There was a long silence as you both lay there listening to the rhythm of each others breaths, content in the comfort you had both built after months of this routine.

When all this first began you refused to even look at each other after the fact, getting dressed and leaving the room immediately. But one drunken night when you woke up to find him still there beside you, arm around your waist and pulled into his chest, you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away. It soon became normal for you to lay like this, naked and vulnerable, listening to his heart beat.

“You okay?” He questions, still looking up at the ceiling.

“Tired.” You sigh softly. Your fingers traced the grooves of his chest, circling his pectoral mindlessly.

He exhales heavily. “Feel better?”

With a chuckle you trail your finger down his abdomen. “A little.”

The look he throws you has your smile grow wider. “Only a little?” He turns on his side, resting his head on his hand. “Still lying to me.”

“Gonna have to try a little harder than that, Yeager.” Teasingly you tap his nose, laughing at the way he frowns at your simple gesture.

He caresses your face with his free hand, running a thumb over your rosy lips. “You really think I don’t know you after all these years?” The question was longing, like he was reminiscing every encounter you two ever had.

“I didn’t think you paid that much attention after all these years.” You roll your eyes playfully.

“I’m observant.”

“You’re a nuisance.” You corrected, but despite your insult the smile never left your face.

“You love me.” The rebuttal caught you off guard, unsure if he was joking or not as his tone remained serious.

“Are you drunk, Yeager? Why would I ever love you?”

His face draws toward yours knowingly. “You wouldn’t still be here if you didn’t.”

“I-I could say the same for you.” You deflect, gesturing to his figure.

Did he really want to admit his feelings for you, after having pushed them down for so long? Did he even have feelings for you? When he saw you on the dancefloor for the first time tonight his stomach erupted in a flutter of butterflies. Not to mention when he watched the way you smiled and laughed with Jean. Who the fuck was he anyway? Some corporate kiss-ass who shovelled shit for a living. Transport, what was Jean’s transport company compared to the medical empire Eren was managing? Is that what impressed you? What you liked? He followed the way Jean’s hands glided along your body, like he knew where to touch you, how to make you…

“Eren.” Your soft voice breaks him from deep thought. You look at him with those eyes you do, the ones that somehow manage to break his resolve every time.

“Let’s get you to a bath.” He smiles at you sadly, laying a kiss on your forehead and getting up from the bed. His fingers rake through dishevelled hair before offering you an outstretched hand.

You witnessed the way his green eyes dulled as they bore into yours sullenly. His expression was placid, unreadable as it always was when he decided to shut you out, an action you’d become all too familiar with as you came back to the reality of the situation.

Not wanting to question him on it you take his hand. “Lead the way.”

PART TWO

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footballerimaginess · 1 year

Text

Small Town Christmas

credit to @masnmount for the gif x

This is based on the film ‘Small Town Christmas’ I have changed a few details. Let me know if you want part 2? John Stones - Word Count: 1,541 “How is this even happening? I have my first book here, look it is all published and in my hands” you grinned as you took your book and felt it with your own hands. Your agent passed you yet another book to sign for your book signing when you headed to Liverpool. “I feel like my arm is about to fall off, I can’t believe I am doing this. Going to the village where this book was based off finally. It feels like this has been forever in the making” you smiled as you finally put all of your signatures on your book, breathing a sigh of relief as you looked at all the books and what an achievement that you had made. “So we ready for tomorrow?” she asked you as you lifted your glass of water and nodded, before taking a sip.

“I am actually, but scared” you replied as your agent Sophia raised her eyebrows.

“Why would that be?” she asked as you took a deep breath. “I haven’t been there for years, Liverpool. My ex and me, well yeah that story. I met him there when he was playing football. I guess he is the main reason behind the story behind this book. He inspired me I suppose, I don’t know how I feel if I’m honest. Makes me feel all emotional” you bit your bottom lip, to try and stop yourself from crying. “See you in the morning” she gave you a quick cuddle before watching her leave as you packed everything away and headed back home. The next arrived, your taxi beeped outside your apartment complex as you peeked out of the window as you picked up all the books and suitcase before heading downstairs. “Morning y/n, ready for your long journey” the taxi driver smiled as he put your cases and box of books in the car for you. “Morning, yes I am ready. Thank you” you smiled as you climbed into the car and put your airpod in as you knew it was going to be a long journey. Making sure to make notes for any upcoming book ideas that you had, jotting them all down for future references. - The journey was finally over, getting to your hotel making you stretch your entire body out as your driver took out your belongings. “Have a safe trip ma’am” he smiled as you nodded before handing him a tip for driving you such a long way and handing him some snacks that you bought him. “Oh thank you, you don’t need to do that” you shook your head. “No I do, I wanted to show you how appreciative I am of you for taking me here. This has been so far and it was such a smooth journey. Take care of yourself” you handed him over all of the snacks I got. You took a deep breath as you walked into the hotel and went to the check in desk as you had a lunch meeting soon. “You made it, let’s go and get lunch now. But how does it feel to be here again?” your agent smiled as she approached you in a warm embrace. “Hey, it feels okay I think. It does bring back bad memories but I guess that is just natural. Let’s go and eat, I am starving” you smiled as she pointed to the closest restaurant to have your lunch meeting. You sat down at the table, scanning the menu as you both ordered the same thing, chicken fajitas with a side order of fries as you got your notepad out as you showed her all your notes you’d taken in the car. “Wow, you have planned a lot here. I wasn’t expecting that-” she paused as she scanned the page, pointing with her manicured nails as she let out a loud laugh. “This one is hilarious” she smirked as you re-read your idea. “Oh yeah, I love that one too. I have so many planned, I can’t wait to get started once this is over with” you smiled as you both finished your meals and drinks. “Right, onto the book shop” you smiled as you walked along the road, recognising where you and John had your first date while he was still playing for Everton. “You okay?” she noticed that you’ve stopped and were no longer walking beside her. “Yeah, just looks familiar with some of this” you smiled as you carried on walking with her as you made your way into the cute little bookshop. As you walked in, the smell of books hit you as you saw your books on the side with your face on. You laughed as you walked over to them. “Excuse me, would I be able to sign these books?” you asked the staff member as she looked over at you puzzled. “Oh right? Sure” she smiled, carrying on with her work as you signed all the books and people were looking over as they wanted to see what you were doing as you took a step back to see people buying the book. Which instantly made your heart melt. Meanwhile at training, John was sitting in the canteen scrolling through his phone as he always did at lunch time. While he was scrolling, he saw the most recent photo of you appear on his Instagram feed. His heart melted a little bit, knowing that he was so proud of you even though the break up was very messy but he knew deep down that this was your dream and to see you achieve it was amazing. As John investigated some more, he noticed that you were doing a book signing later that evening. He picked up his jacket and sprinting to his car, ignoring all the shouts from his team mates as he knew he needed to be somewhere. “So we ready for this signing?” you got changed into another outfit ready to meet everyone. “I am nervous, this is my first book signing. I hope people come and see me” you smiled as you fixed your hair in the mirror. “Course people will, come let’s go darling” she smiled as you made your way out to go and see how many people turned up. The book signing was incredible, there were just so many people turned up and even gave you gifts which completely shocked you. As you were finishing up at the book signing, you were collecting your bags. “Hi” you turned around as you heard the man’s voice which confused you as there were no men in the room at the time. As you stood up, you noticed who was standing there. “John” you mumbled as you looked straight up at him. “What are you doing here? How did you know where I was” you asked him as you waved to your agent who nodded with a small smile appearing on her face. “I wanted to see you, I saw online that you had your book signing here” you laughed as you shut the door behind you. “So when did that mean you had to come and see me when last time I checked we haven’t spoken in about 4 years? Or however long when you fucked off” you sighed as you checked your phone as you paused. “I am sorry about that, I can explain” John nervously replied as he itched the back of his neck looking anxious for your reply. “Sure you can” you shrugged as you carried on walking at a fast pace as you wanted to try and get some dinner before you headed off. “Are you ignoring me or something? When did you all of a sudden become Usain Bolt?” you rolled your eyes as you thought by now that he would have gotten the hint that was staring at him in the face. “No, I just want to get food. I don’t want you here John, just get the picture” you felt him grab your arm as he walked alongside you. “Just hear me out, I am sorry for what happened all those years ago. I promise I did try and contact you” you nodded and waited for a better response from him. “I sent you a letter when I left, assuming how frosty you are being with me that you never got it. I said everything I wanted to in that letter. I never ever meant to hurt you, I guess I was stupid and should’ve spoke to you sooner. I regret that now and what I did to you. I hurt you and i shouldn’t have” he shrugged as he tried to grab your hand. “I didn’t get a letter at all John. I accept your apology but I don’t want to see you, you are dating someone else. How would they like it that you are here grovelling to me?” you sighed. “I am not seeing anyone, haven’t for a while” he shrugged. “Mm okay, well I would just like to go and get dinner now John. Thanks for coming to see me and saying sorry, have a good night” you waved as you walked off leaving John shocked that he hadn’t got the response he was intending to. What was going to happen next.... Part 2 maybe? Taglist: @footballffbarbiex @odegaardsblues @football-and-fanfics @percervall @bluemoonstonesy @laurasstufff1 @leddows let me know what you think of this imagine and if you want to be tagged x

#john stones imagine #football imagines #football imagine #football one shot #football one shots #futbol imagines #futbol imagine

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fics-n-stuff-n-stuff · 9 months

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Natsu Dragneel/Lucy Heartfilia -

all fairy tail characters-

Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic

Follows Fairy tail but with my own twists set in modern day

Fluff and Angst

developing feelings

Lucy has new spirits I checked constellations and gave her ones I thought were cool

Summary

Lucy is thrown into a world she didn’t know existed. Join her as she unravels this new world full of magic that brings adventure, romance and destruction along with it.

———

Just a modern re-telling of Fairy tail following its arcs with a few twists and turns along the way💞

Language: English Words: 3,227

You can also read it here- https://archiveofourown.org/works/49084309

“Fuck”

Lucy was not having a good day, or a good week, or a good year for that matter.

Since running away from home a little over a year ago, and having to financially fend for herself for the first time in 20 years it was a challenge in the beginning for someone as sheltered as she is, and did not come without great challenges.

But it is something Lucy has gotten used to and has actually come to enjoy some odd jobs and trades she's had to learn to get by.

At least to a certain degree.

But with her arrival in Hargeon today, and having spent half of her day trying to find a job, and the other half trying to find somewhere to live. Having no luck with either was a tad discouraging and left Lucy to wonder if her plan to move every few months was actually a smart idea, or if she was just being paranoid.

I mean, she's heard no word from her father or anything about her disappearance. So it's only natural to think he isn't looking.

Then again, it's better safe than sorry, so moving every time she starts feeling like she's suffocating or bored was the conclusion.

She had left Morgate Town fairly easily, it wasn't like she had any friends in the place, and her job as a waitress had her underpaid and overworked, so she was happy to leave.

Now if only she had had the foresight to at least look for some jobs or housing in this area, but no, she decided to treat it like an adventure.

She scoffs now at the thought, right adventure is what she had been looking for when she ran away. Freedom to do whatever she wanted.

Boy, has the real world slapped her in the face.

Her lack of foresight and naivety for adventure is why she was currently walking down the dark streets of Hargeon, following her phone GPS to the inn with the most positive ratings, that wasn't too pricey.

She had found it online earlier when she had stopped to get something to eat and decided to book a room.

Turning the corner of a street, she noticed that everything was suddenly eerily quiet.

People were walking around just a minute ago, looking around she didn't notice anything particularly out of the ordinary, but she couldn't shake off the feeling of being watched.

Picking up her pace slightly, she continued down the street, wishing the inn were closer, so she could just draw a bath and try to figure out her game plan for tomorrow.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, something slammed into her from the side, sending her flying into an alleyway between two buildings.

With a grunt, Lucy landed on the hard ground, slightly disoriented and wondering what sent her flying, looking up, she saw a figure covered by a black cloak standing at the entrance of the alley.

"What the hell is your problem?" Lucy asked, trying to sound confident as she stood up on shaky legs.

They started walking towards her, not answering her question, but she did hear hissing sounds and weird clicking noises coming from under the hood.

Not wanting to figure out what the hell this person's deal is, Lucy looked to the other end of the alley, only to see that it goes one way and is blocked by a wall connecting the buildings.

Dead end.

With a curse under her breath, Lucy looked back at the cloaked figure and tried to sidestep and escape, only to be grabbed by the back of her hair and violently slammed her into the brick wall.

Lucy let out a harsh scream as her body made an impact, and looking at her attacker she finally noticed that it wasn't a person at all that was attacking her because under the black cloak was a figure straight out of a nightmare, a soulless face, with dark gray skin and no apparent eyes started back at her.

Lucy only screamed louder, the creature tightened the hold it had on her and started mumbling words that Lucy could barely make out.

"We could feel your magic, yes, yes, so sweet it smells, a good feast we have found, good, good." It sounded like it was talking to itself.

Not being one to give up, Lucy kept struggling in its hold and kept screaming for help, hoping someone would hear her.

"No, no, no escape. Keep still."

It sounded harsher, and with those words, Lucy was slammed into the wall once more, she heard a crack and could feel blood trickling down the back of her head. That stopped her protest as she felt the pain come in full swing.

The creature above her was drawing closer, its mouth open and sharp teeth on display, gods, is this how she dies? In a dirty alleyway, with no one to miss her, no one to even know she was dead?

'Please don't let me die like this, not like this' Lucy thought to herself as the creature finally started to feed on her, it felt like her very soul was getting sucked out.

She was fading fast and thinking, this time, of her mother, and how she will finally be able to see her again, at the very least.

Just as that thought crossed her mind, Lucy felt the air around her start to increase in temperature, making sweat build up on Lucy's temple she felt a blast of heat and warmth around her and suddenly the creature was thrown off of her with an unearthly shriek.

There were more heat blasts, it looked like fire shooting out of somewhere. She wasn't even sure anymore as black spots started to appear in front of her.

Sliding down the wall, she heard another shriek and after a few beats of silence Lucy was suddenly wrapped in warmth, she didn't even realize she was freezing.

"Crap, he got you good, don't worry you're safe now. I'll take you back to Fairy Tail and-"

The person who had her in their arms was talking, but Lucy was losing consciousness, fast, and could not focus for the life of her. The last thing she saw was pink before passing out.

* ********* ********** ********** ********* *

Waking up disoriented and with a pounding head, when you're 100% sure you didn't drink the night before is not fun by any means.

This is how Lucy finds herself waking up, in a brightly lit room, with her head feeling like someone is trying to escape from inside it.

She sat up with a groan, blinking away the way the light hurt her eyes, and finally able to look around, the room she is in appears to be an infirmary of some kind, but how did she get there? Why is she here?

Suddenly she remembered the attack, a creature of some sort, sucking out her soul, and then fire and warmth, someone fighting the creature and rescuing her before everything went black.

No, that can't be right, there must be a logical explanation for what she saw. She just needs to get up and see where she is, and get some answers.

Going through the infirmary door she sees that she is on the second floor of what appears to be a tavern.

The ground floor was full of people who were laughing, drinking, and playing games.

Some even appear to be fighting.

'What an odd place' Lucy thinks to herself as she descends the stairs, looking around at everyone she suddenly notices that these are no regular people.

She sees what looks like elf ears and wings on some people, and bursts of energy or other strange-looking things from others.

"I must still be dreaming, yes that's it, this is all just a lucid dream." Lucy mutters to herself as she makes her way through the middle of the crowd and to the bar, where she sees a beautiful white-haired girl tending to it.

As Lucy sits down on an empty chair the girl looks up at her with a bright smile "Hello, my name is Mirajane, how are you feeling? You were in quite the rough shape when Natsu brought you in last night."

The girl, Mirajane, puts a plate of fries and some chicken wings on the bar, as well as a glass of water "Here, I'm sure you're hungry, and you need to replenish the energy that was stolen from you."

Lucy smiled at Mirajane, looking down at the food, it smelled amazing and she suddenly felt and heard her stomach growl which is what made Lucy think, maybe she wasn't in a dream after all.

Looking back at Mirajane, Lucy smiled, she could feel it was slightly strained because of the uncertainty of her surroundings, but she tried her best to hide it.

"My name is Lucy, thank you for the food Mirajane, I didn't realize I was so hungry. I am sorry, but I have to ask you, do you know what happened to me? I, I'm not sure what I saw last night, you see I was attacked but I'm not, well, I" Lucy trailed off struggling to find the words to describe the creature that attacked her, fearing she might sound completely insane if she did.

"Yes, dreadful creatures, Lethifolds. They feed off of energy, usually fear. But they are known to attack and take a person's life energy and magical energy as well. You were lucky that Natsu caught the scent of one and found you when he did."

Mirajane explained with a wave of her hand as she went back to wiping the bar.

Lucy just started back at her, stunned. Lethifolds? Magical energy? She felt like she was going crazy.

"I'm sorry, did you just say magical energy?" Lucy asked but her question never got answered as she heard someone yell to watch out and she turned around only to see a chair flying towards her.

Lucy only really had time to close her eyes and try to duck as best she can to try and minimize the damage.

But the blow never came, she only felt warmth at her side and slowly, Lucy opened her eyes to see the chair had been stopped by someone barely 20cm from her face.

"Jeez, you guys gotta be more careful or somethin'." the person that stopped the chair said, throwing it suddenly back, hitting a big guy with white hair. Making him fall back and topple several people along with him.

"That's rich coming from you flame brain"

Another voice chimed in from across the room making the pink-haired man next to Lucy bristle.

"What'dya say ya stripper freak?" He growled back at the man who taunted him.

'Huh, pink hair suits him ' Lucy thinks to herself as she looks at the man who saved her from another possible concussion.

"Thank you, for catching the chair, I would've been a goner." she finds herself saying to the stranger, who, at the sound of her voice snaps out of his staring contest and turns to face her fully with a brilliant smile.

"No problem, glad to see ya're up and movin', I was kinda worried I didn't make it in time, but the mean healer said you'd be awake soon so I guess that's good. I'm Natsu" he rambled on, sitting next to her at the bar as he did.

Natsu.

That's who Mirajane said saved her from that Dementor-looking thing.

"Oh, you're the one who saved me." Lucy said dumbly, wincing slightly as she did.

Seriously what kind of weirdo says something like that?

Natsu just smiles wider and nods "Yeah I did! I was finishin' up a job in Hargeon when I smelt one of those bastards and knew I had to hunt it down before it caused any trouble, looks like I got there just in time, eh." He winks and nudges my shoulder, wiggling his eyebrows, the smile never leaving his face.

Lucy smiles back at him, letting out a slight laugh. This one is a little more real, something about this pink-haired man made her feel warm, made her feel safe.

That is a foreign feeling to one Lucy Heartfilia.

So she lets herself relax if only a little.

"Well thank you, you saved my life. I'm not even sure what happened but I don't think I would've made it if you hadn't shown up. I don't know how to make it up to you."

His expression suddenly turns serious as he turns to fully look at her, from her shoes to the top of her head.

Now Lucy has had many men, young and old, look at her up and down before, and most of them made her skin crawl.

The way Natsu was looking at her was more inquisitive than anything like he was trying to figure something out. He stopped his inspection and looked her in the eyes.

"The creature that attacked you feeds off of energy, positiv', negativ', it doesn't matter, really. Thought this one was going for your magical energy." He says the last part with conviction and looks for her reaction.

Lucy can now say she officially has no idea what is going on, and what is real. He said the same thing that Mirajane had.

Magical. Energy.

"You have no idea, do you?" Natsu's voice broke her out of her thoughts and she looked back at him.

"You just said magical energy, as in like magic? Like Harry Potter and stuff?" Lucy asked, perplexed and not knowing what to think.

This wasn't real, no way. Lucy had always had an active imagination, so yeah that's all this is. She's probably bleeding out in the alley where she was attacked.

Natsu just smiled at her, scoffing slightly at her Harry Potter comment. "Yes magic, no not like Harry Potter. And you have it. I can smell it on you." He said sniffing the air with a shrug, as if it proves his point.

"You can smell it on me ?" Lucy asked, her voice squeaking slightly. She brought her hands to hug herself.

'Do I stink?' Lucy thought to herself, a little self-conscious about what she'd just learned.

"Yeah, I got a good nose, and even though it's repressed or something, I can tell it's there." He answered as if it explains everything.

Lucy felt a migraine start to form from everything going on, she could also feel a pressure in her chest, building.

She tried to wrap her head around magic, and did he say repressed?

"What do you mean by repressed?"

Natsu looked back at her with a shrug, as if trying to find the words.

"Like it's locked inside of you, ya know? But I can tell that it's ripping through the seams like it wants to burst out, that's the only reason that bastard could've sensed it. It's also why I brought ya here, thought maybe you'd like for us to break it for you so you can learn to use your magic." He explained casually like they were discussing current events, and Lucy finally snapped.

Standing up abruptly causing Natsu to lean back a bit from surprise she looked at him, eyes wide and she was panting slightly, breathing deepening from her increasing panic.

"Ok, hold on, stop. You can't really be saying that magic is, that magic is real? Like actually real, casting spells and flying on brooms and wicked witches casting spells?" She spat out, in an obvious panic now, at some point she had started pacing in front of Natsu, who just looked back at her, wide-eyed from her outburst.

Lucy started at him, chest heaving, waiting for a response, only for the pink-haired man to laugh at her.

Annoyed, Lucy let out a groan and hit his shoulder.

"Don't laugh at me, I think I'm having a panic attack, you should be helping, not laughing." She hit him one more time for good measure which made him stop laughing and let out a sigh of his own.

"Okay, okay. Sorry for laughin' at ya, it's just, flying on brooms, really?" Lucy couldn't help the pathetic laugh that bubbled from her throat, she didn't even know what was funny.

It was a legitimate question, she didn't know anything about this supposed magical world.

Looking back at Natsu she saw him already focused on her, with a small smile on his face.

"See, got ya to laugh. Point for me."

Before Lucy could even interject, he continued talking.

"Now, as for the magic part. Yes, to the magic is real part. No, for the flying brooms. Yes, to casting spells, although 'spells' is one term for it, there are others. And I guess yes to the wicked witches part too, but trust me, they are not like the cartoons. "

Lucy started at him, trying to wrap her head around him actually answering her questions, and taking her seriously.

"Here, let me show you my magic, it is totally the coolest in the guild!" He exclaimed, making Lucy smile a little at his enthusiasm, her smile was suddenly wiped when Natsu's right arm catches on fire.

A high-pitched squeak came from Lucy's mouth and before she's even realizing her actions her hands are on Natsu's arm, trying to put out the fire.

"Are you crazy!?? You're going to burn yourself!" She yelled patting his arm, trying to put out the fire as her panic started to kick in again.

Amid her panic, she failed to notice that the fire was not burning Natsu, nor was it burning her.

When she noticed that the flames were dying out slowly, she turned her eyes back to Natsu who was looking at her with a strange expression on his face, something akin to astonishment.

Before either could speak a voice entered their conversation.

"What's all this ruckus about, ey?" Lucy turned to her left and saw a short gray-haired man with a weird hat on top of his head sitting crossed-legged on the bar, their eyes met and he gave her an assessing look before offering a smile.

"You must be the girl Natsu saved last night, good to see you back on your feet."

Lucy smiled at the old man. "My name is Lucy. I'm sorry for disturbing you in your tavern, I was just leaving."

'Yes, I'll just leave and then hopefully this is all just a very vivid and disturbing dream and a pink-haired man did not save me from a Dementor and did not light himself on fire.'

Lucy thought, trying to back up, and out of the building when suddenly, she felt a stab of pain in her chest, making her stop in her tracks and clench her midsection.

Doubling over she felt another pierce through her, this one knocking the air out of her, Lucy felt herself falling but did not have any control over her body.

She felt a pair of warm hands catch her before she had a chance to hit the floor.

Lucy could barely make out the voices around her, everything was spinning, her chest hurt, she could feel something inside of her, something that felt like it wanted to burst.

With one last jolt of pain, a crack resonated within Lucy, and her power was unleashed.

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gilbirda · 2 years

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Trashy romance novels enjoyers

Slight Anger Management aka Jazz/Jason

@batpham-discord-highlights

“Can I have some of that?” He looked back at her as he was finishing applying the cream to his chest. “Also can you do my back? I can do yours.” His heart jumped for a moment, the idea of her hands on his skin not at all displeasing. “Sure.” His voice betrayed nothing of his thoughts.

[Read on AO3]

“Can I sit here?”

Jason looked up from his book, finding Danny’s older sister there. Jasmine. He vaguely knew about her apart from what Danny said in the family dinners he had been invited to; but from what he could gather she was a mix between Dick and Tim - a workaholic that didn’t know when to stop and that liked to baby Danny despite him being an adult himself.

Honestly, kudos for still trying to be the older sister of the terrifying eldritch creature Danny was. It took a lot of balls to order around the King of Hell like that.

“Sure.”

She just nodded and sat down on the other lounge chair under the umbrella, a can of soda in one hand and a book in the other.

“This is the only quiet shade,” she explained when she saw him looking at the book. “I can’t read with the noise.”

This made him chuckle. “Oh, I get you. Why do you think I’m here?” He lifted his own book so she could see the cover.

Her face lit with a big smile. “No way! I love that saga! Are you re-reading or…”

Jason blinked slowly. The saga in question was very raunchy, filled with bodice ripping adventure and a sexy male love interest. Not really something you’ll admit to reading with a big smile like that. At least not usually.

“You didn’t strike me as the kind of girl that reads this stuff. Also I’m starting fresh, this was recommended to me after I read the ‘Daggers and Storm’ saga.”

“Trashy romance just scratches an itch, what can I say,” she sat up from where she had been leaning on the back rest, her attention fully on him now. “The ‘Daggers’ saga is good, but the romance is not that well developed, in my opinion.”

“And this one? What can you say before I commit to Amber and Adam’s tumultuous romance?”

“The sex is good, if that’s what you want to know,” he laughed at her words, not expecting her being so brazen about it. “No, really, it's less, uh… you know.”

“Yeah… ‘Daggers’ had some really dubious consent moments. Almost made me drop it a few times.”

“Well, in the ‘Frozen Kingdom’ saga it’s actually very cute. Adam is the typical stoic bad boy with an attitude that is actually soft for the protagonist.” She said with an eye roll, but her lips were pressed in a smile. She did like the main love interest, it seems. “If you haven’t finished this one I won’t spoil it, but the whole romance is very slow burn, if you are into that kind of thing.”

Her whole being lit up talking about these novels, it was like she was a completely different person from what Danny had told everyone she was. Not that he was complaining. He could appreciate someone that spoke their mind so easily.

Jason sat up on his chair and stole her soda can to take a sip. Her eyes followed every movement but she didn’t say anything.

“So do they bone in the first one or is it a ‘will they won’t they’ kind of situation for three hundred pages?”

She laughed, a warm breeze carrying the sound like tinkling bells in the wind.

“They do, but spoiler alert, she is conflicted about it for a while because she thinks he only wants her for her power,” she said, shaking one fisted hand in a dramatic gesture.

By this time, Jason was more amused by how she talked about the books than the actual books themselves. He laughed again, setting his book aside after putting his bookmark between the pages to not lose his place.

“Got any other good recommendations, then?”

Those were the magic words - Jasmine started rambling about different books and why she liked them or not, how they executed classic tropes and how the romance was treated. She moved her hands excitedly, and the smile didn’t leave her face the whole time.

She was halfway through an analysis comparing a modern reimagining of Pride and Prejudice with the original one when he had to stop her.

“I’m sorry, am I boring you?” Her smile was small, fragile.

“Actually I was thinking about taking this conversation to the water? It's getting kinda hot.”

There was a bit of a wind but it was uncomfortably warm, and the sun was merciless even from under the safety of the umbrella. Jasmine seemed to realize this now, picking up her long red hair so she could fan her neck with her hands.

“Yeah, you are right.”

She stood up and took off the beach dress she had been wearing. He turned away in time to not come off as a creep and stare at her for too long, and decided to get his sunscreen from the beach bag he placed close to the chair.

“Can I have some of that?” He looked back at her as he was finishing applying the cream to his chest. “Also can you do my back? I can do yours.”

His heart jumped for a moment, the idea of her hands on his skin not at all displeasing.

“Sure.” His voice betrayed nothing of his thoughts.

He acted absolutely normal as he put the cream on her back, his fingers bumping on every little scar she had. Danny had told them his sister was part of the Team Phantom back in his hometown, so it made sense to see proof of the battles on her skin. Still, he didn’t make a comment on it.

She didn’t comment on his scars either, even if he felt her stop a little on the bigger ones, when it was his turn to get the sunscreen applied. Her hands were warm and nimble, her nails barely scratching his skin. He wondered if she would do a proper back scratching if he asked, and he decided to stop that thought right there before it spawned more thoughts in that line.

“Let’s go!” She extended a hand when she was done, and despite not needing help to get up from his lounge chair, he accepted it.

He didn’t let go as they ran through the hot sand towards the sea, or the whole time they stayed in the water talking about nothing and everything.

Jason noticed she didn’t let go either.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #danny phantom #dp x dc crossover #jazz/jason #anger management ship #BatPhamSummerSendOff2022 #BatPhamBeach2022

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loveoaths · 1 year

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writing log: 2021 + 2022

a recent conversation with a good friend made me realize: holy shit, i struggle to acknowledge my accomplishments, especially the creative ones. so i decided to start doing a yearly writing recap to log what work i've done, contextualize the environment i did that work in, and take a moment to just sit back and appreciate how i spent my year. this is the first time i'm doing this, so i'll be combining 2021 and 2022.

in 2021, i...

...got headfucked by illness, but kept writing.

this is not one of those "inspirational disability" things. long covid is the worst thing that's ever happened to me, physically and mentally, and that's saying something. i spent a solid two months not being able to walk, let alone think, and it took three more months for me to be able to read for longer than a few minutes at a time. at one point, my sixty-something year old mother had to hold me up so i could walk a lap around the block that i had been running months prior, and it was a super dark time. i am proud of myself for fighting for my health, advocating for humane treatment, and re-learning how to find solace and comfort and reprieve in reading and writing. i was recuperating in bed most of 2021 (when i wasn't struggling to keep my job lol) so i had a lot of time to come up with project ideas but zero stamina to finish them. i'm still not recovered, and have new chronic illnesses out the wazoo now, but i'm in a much better place these days.

...worked on 21 scripts.

includes new and old projects. my brain was scattered, but i tried.

...developed 12 new project premises.

some are good, others are dogshit. but who cares!

...finished 5 scripts.

three half-hour scripts, and two elevens. combined, that's almost two episodes of prestige television. i'm coming for your ass, tony gilroy!!!

...read 25 books.

comic books, ya novels, non-fiction, autobiographies, picture books; you name it, i read it. most of what i read went in one ear and out the other because of the covid brain damage, but i remember how soothing the act of reading a book while curled up with hot tea under a warm blanket was to my aching brain and body, and i'm glad i tried my best to read even if i knew i could barely understand. a third of this list is picture books and/or middle grade books and graphic novels because that's all i could handle at the beginning of the year. and you know what i found? a lot of those kids books are great, and heart-warming, and delightfully more nuanced than i had ever dreamed. the kids are gonna be alright.

...took 6 writing classes.

i'm glad i did this, but looking back on it this was kind of stupid. my brain was burdened by illness and my response was to... burden it more? for fun??? insane behavior. i highly recommend every course i took (chris amick's pilot development, multiple classes at writing pad, rad sechrist's project tv writing class, patricia villanuvella's 11-minute episode format class, and more) but i do not recommend taking them while your head is fucked. if anyone is interested in learning more about these courses, let me know!

...took on my first pitch project.

i was hired to help write and pitch a kids show, and learned a lot about the pitching process. mostly i learned that an upbeat attitude and a corny joke or two will go a long way. also, that the tv industry is an ouroboric cesspool constantly feeding on its own shit, but i digress.

...developed my first original show pitch.

it's uglier than sin but i love it. developing the pitch actually made me realize the concept is better as a novel series than a show, but i appreciate how much that process taught me about exploring format, structure, and the art of pitching.

...landed my first staff writing gig.

this was my proudest moment. in between numerous ER visits, doctor's appointments, health scares, housing issues, and more, i broke into the industry i love.

in 2022, i...

...was still pretty fucking sick, but doing better.

title says it all. despite losing my emotional support animal to leukemia, i hung in there. feels good.

...took on three writing mentees.

this is still the most shocking thing i did last year. i became a mentor to three fellow brown folks and i love them all dearly. i don't know if i'm a stellar mentor or anything, but i would do just about anything to help them reach their writing goals. i always thought i hated teaching, but it turns out i really enjoy working one-on-one with people as a guide rather than an instructor. my goal is to help all of my mentees break into their respective industries in the next two years.

...took three writing classes.

at this point i'm mostly taking these to meet people and learn new tips and tricks, but i still found them highly rewarding. plus, i realized i work best when i know someone expects to read what i've written the following week. nothing makes you keep a writing deadline like the pain of disappointing a peer! :D

...wrote 63,207 words for work.

i worked two staff writer gigs and seven freelance or contract gigs, and wrote more in a year than i ever have, ever. i know this number isn't high to prose writers, but a 25 page script is around 4,800 to 5,000 words. that's a lot of pages.

in total, i wrote around 22 scripts for work last year.

...wrote 50,018 words for original projects.

i only finished three scripts, and most definitely did not hit my goal of finishing my feature script, but i still finished. all three projects were complex, adult-oriented, and of personal significance to me, and it felt really good to finally finish them. i don't love all of them, honestly, but one of them got me my current manager and generated some buzz around my name that kept me employed, so i'm incredibly appreciative of the work i put into them, and the work they've given me in return.

...read 50 books.

this is my crowning achievement of 2022! i used to be an avid reader and then stopped out of nowhere for several years, but last year i fell back in love with reading, big time. i am proud to say that after a year of re-cultivating my reading comprehension and attention span, i can once again knock out a 300 page book in a day (with some assistance from my good ol' friend, hyperfixation). coaxing myself to just read five pages a day really helped me with some of the executive function issues of not wanting to pick up a book. if you're struggling with reading habits, i really recommend lowering your bar to entry. read for a minute, or read one page, or even just one paragraph. eventually the habit will reform and you'll be back to reading longer.

...wrote 51 loglines.

i struggled to come up with new, creative ideas in 2021, so this jump from 12 to 51 was startling, but highly satisfying. once i stopped worrying about whether the ideas were good, i was able to do more with the freeness that comes with happily being shit at something. and you know what? once i got the shit ideas out, i found a couple of really good ones at the bottom of the barrel.

...had a pretty alright year.

shit still went sideways, i was overworked and exhausted, and my personal life imploded, but looking back on it, i had a lot to be grateful for, and a lot of love and support in my corner, and i'm going to try to be mindful and thankful for the aforementioned as i push myself a teensy bit further in 2023.

...have a few goals for 2023.

they are:

work less, read more

write more indulgent stuff (gay porn, fic, all the nasty dark shit i like)

eat more veggies

do some fucking wrist exercises and get a desk pedaler because holy shit my joints are aging like MILK

thanks for reading.

#writing update.#writing update 2021 + 2022.#long post.

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kiitchensiink · 1 year

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ohh okay i love trench stuff i love lore stuff so tell me. Do u have any very specific headcanons u would wanna share on trench or dema. Whether that be the characters or the actual world im curious

since we're loreposting today let me roll up my sleeves and answer this lol

- Thoughts on the Inhabitants

It's said in Clancy's letters that the bishops mandated Vialism as a belief system, and the way he speaks of it implies he remembers it happening, or at least it was shortly established within his lifetime.

I think that one round of population control was enough for many of the inhabitants of Dema, especially those who knew nothing beyond the walls of their city. Many of them likely didn't need overt re-education, and just passively absorbed obedience through the constant buzzing hum of propaganda being plied into their minds. It's in the water. It's in their blood.

Tyler describes his waves of emotions, negative and positive, as seasons, and the way the albums currently established to exist in demaverse follow along this theme to me; Trench feels like the desolation and stillness of winter, and SAI feels like it exists in a perpetual summer.

However, the significance of this to me is that though Trench is cold and hostile, it's real. The chill on your skin is something you can really feel. Whereas SAI, and by extension Daytime Dema, feels like the commercialism of the perfect summer, the type you see in advertisements on TV; Ones of people dancing and smiling and surrounded by warm colours and pastels. But it's all plastered artifice upon a cold concrete structure.

We've seen both sides; First we saw the cold reality of both Trench and the city, Dema, itself. But the difference is that within Dema, there's this sense of coating this reality with a saccharine overtone.

The inhabitants who are allowed to live within the outer regions of the city itself get to experience "normal" things. They can go to bars and clubs, Clancy speaks of reading about descriptions of a "home" in books which leads him to his awakening, and they are seen to be living in comfortable homes.

However, the only time we saw this depicted was in the livestream, which is clearly shown to be a set. And even moreso, it exists within Tyler's mind as he dissociates during an uncomfortable interview with Sally and Dan... Whether or not this is the actual reality of what living in dema is like, we can't actually know for sure until we see more in the new era.

However, if we look at the previous depictions of dema, such as the VR bandito experience... The city is harsher and colder. If we rewatch Nico and the Niners, the place Tyler is held is dilapidated and brutalist.

Whether or not the world depicted in the livestream is real or not is up for debate but, operating on the idea that it IS real...

The inhabitants likely don't much realise they are being limited. They believe they have a certain amount of free will, despite the fact that propaganda meets them at every waking moment; That they are kept obedient in their comfortable lives... A happy populace has no reason to rebel or escape. Smart dictators know this.

Still though, once a person brushes up against those limits and meets the walls of resistance, they start to realise how small their allotted circle of "acceptable" existence is. They either return to the comfortable centre and keep navigating their known... Or they push up against it, and attempt to break those walls.

Which is what all of us should be doing.

#mine #tøp #sfw #letters #hope u enjoy!!! i have so much more to say on the bishops and the banditos and trench and what day to day dema is like #but this response is already so long lol so pls ply me with more questions to get more answers :3 #demaposting

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jadeglas · 1 year

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Ok, now that I've had a bit of time to get used to how Tumblr works again, I'm going to do a take 2 on my introduction, if no one minds too much. (mostly for clarification)

About Me

Name: Jade

Pronouns: she/her

ID: Pan Cis F (wife, mama, and storyteller)

Age: 30-something

Loves: music, stories, caffeine, warm carbs, alone time, cuddles, puns, crochet, folk lore, Minecraft, languages, and anthropology, in general

Currently learning: Spanish, my Instant Pot, healthy goal setting, and which style of outline can I actually stick to

Polarizing opinion: fan fiction is a useful tool for helping new writers develop their confidence and writing voice while also connecting with others about a topic(s) they are passionate about

My Street Cred

I love running and playing table top rpg's, especially D&D, World of Darkness, and Savage Worlds. I have LARPed, mostly WoD Vampire, but I haven't run one myself. I haven't run any games in a good while, but I mostly ran Fantasy and Modern Supernatural. My specialty was horror in either genre.

I grew up reading fantasy and science fiction and The Dark Tower by Stephen King (bc that series jumps all over the place, genre wise). I love Neil Gaiman, I've read up to book 30 something of the Animorphs (yes, the side-books, too), and, currently, my favorite book I've read as a "grown up" is Perfume: The Story of a Murderer, by Patrick Süskind. (it's also my favorite book-ti-film adaptation). My favorite scary movie is Paranormal Activity (I love a story that's not afraid to take it's time building suspense), but my favorite romance movie is still The Princess Bride.

The last time I was on Tumblr I was heavily involved in fandoms, (The Hobbit, Harry Potter, Sherlock, Overwatch) and I posted fanfiction... I can't say regularly (I'm very undisciplined), but I did post stories multiple times.

Undisciplined is a good word for my previous writing style. I would write when inspiration struck me, and I lived to world build, but I never outlined or put any effort into prewritting. It was common for me to abandon a current WIP when I found inspiration for a new story.

Currently

My WIP spans a novella (30k words) and 5 novels. (I know, ambitious, but this time I actually have a plan in place) They'll all be romance novels with secondary action story arcs and the paranormal premise is that a recent global event has resulted in some of the population becoming werewolves! I have an evil mega-corporation who will, of course, be using doing shady and dastardly things, but I'm still not sure how the couples of each book will be connected. Right now, I'm outlining everything and the novella is giving me the most trouble (I've never tried to tell a whole story with so few words!)

If this series does well, I think I'd like to do another series in the same world, but with Vampires (romance/power exchange/politics?) or Fae (romance/horror). (No supernatural creatures will ever scare me more than the Fae)

I have an idea for a smaller series? It would still be paranormal romance, but polyamorous, and each book would be the MC falling in love with a new person, while also navigating how to keep her relationships with her other lovers healthy and strong. It's mostly strong vibes, right now, though.

Tumblr

Like I said in my first introduction, I'm here to get my writing passion back and be a part of a community (friend me and I'll send you all the platonic love and support you can handle!). I'll have an author website some day, and possibly start an email list before that, but this is where I can be me and where I can connect with like-minded folks. That being said, inconsistency is a bitch of a habit to break, so I'm thinking I'll have a posting schedule where I'll post on a different topic each day of the week, and then I'll re log and react to posts whenever I can.

Right now, this is what I have in mind:

Monday-- Inspiration (music, pics, ideas)

Tuesday-- Updates (me, my WIP)

Wednesday-- Self Care (bc we all need it)

Thursday-- Recommendations (tools, hacks, and sites)

Friday-- Story/book reviews (that I'm reading)

I have a lot of family and family-in-law that lives nearby, so weekends get crazy sometimes, but weekdays I can do.

All this being said, inconsistency is in my nature, so don't be surprised if things change from time to time.

And so on

Feel free to message me or ask me questions! I'd love to hear about your current WIP, whether it's OC or not, or talk about world building. If you have a published story you think I might like, Is love to hear about that, too!

Thanks for being patient with me!

I'll post again tomorrow, so you take care of yourself.

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internetgremlin · 2 years

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Tag Game

Something a wee bit different. I was actually tagged in two slightly different versions of this by @loverboysainz-interacts and @f1-incorrect-s so I've just combined them into one because I'm ✨lazy✨

Favourite time of year?

It's definitely a toss-up between summer and autumn. Hot weather and blue skies just make me feel so much better about everything in life, like I physically can't have a bad day if it's sunny!! But also I am OBSESSED with the colours of autumn, I love the warm drinks and comfort food, I love ugly jumpers and dark academia, I love the fresh start feeling that comes with the new academic year (and it's my birthday hehe)

Comfort food?

Sunday Roast. Specifically my mum's beef with ALL the trimmings and more gravy than socially acceptable (+ rice pudding for after)

Do you collect anything?

I would say the main thing I collect is Harry Potter merch, especially the replica and ornamental or subtle pieces. OH AND BOOKS AND STATIONARY, I'm addicted to notebooks and coloured pens

Favourite drink?

Coffee. Gin. Currently obsessed with Thatcher's Orange Cider. I am also the kind of person who is partial to a sparkling water (fight me)

Favourite song/artist?

I'm too into music to have a singular favourite song. My favourite band for sure is Waterparks (HIGHLY recommend if you haven't heard of them before)

Current favourite songs?

I Ain't Worried - One Republic 🌶 Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes) - Edison Lighthouse 🌶 Come and Get Your Love - Redbone 🌶 Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo 🌶 Smooth Operator - Sade 🌶 Bonfire - Childish Gambino 🌶 Greenhands - Sundara Karma 🌶 Funeral Grey - Waterparks 🌶 Chateau Lobby #4 (In C For Two Virgins) - Father John Misty

Favourite fic of mine?

Flat Spin for sure. Personally, I feel like it showcases some of my best writing and I'm really proud of the plot for it. I feel like it's the first ever story I've written that is a full story and not solely focused on the relationship alone (but I'm also really happy with the relationship I'm developing in it). Plus the LOVE from you guys, the community I've become a part of as a result of it... it's been the most incredible couple of months and I'm so grateful <3

Relationship Status:

Somehow I have managed to convince a REAL boy to like me. We've been together 3 years

Favourite Colour(s):

Green. Closely followed by orange and yellow.

Song stuck in my head:

Currently, there isn't one because I'm watching trashy TV as I do this, but earlier it was As It Was by Harry Styles

Last thing you googled:

ACP injection equine data sheet (I promise I'm a really, really interesting person)

Time:

19:40 BST

Dream Trip:

My dream holiday is to go to Italy - sunshine, history, pasta, wine and coffee are my idea of heaven. But overall dream trip is to get my visa and go work in Australia for a year or so after I've graduated

Last thing you read:

The last thing I finished was Percy Jackson: The Last Olympian as part of my pre-Disney plus series re-read. Currently on the go is The Kane Chronicles: The Red Pyramid. And I guess for completion the last "first time read" book I read was Atonement by Ian McEwan

Last book you enjoyed reading:

The entire Percy Jackson series I've been re-reading. And I can't NOT take this opportunity to tell everyone that Atonement is literally the best book I've ever read and I'm OBSESSED with it and with Robbie and Cecilia. And the ANGST, the pain, the pining oh my god this book is just *chefs kiss chefs kiss chefs kiss* NOT TO MENTION the writing style, the self-reflection throughout, the most elegant POV switches I have ever seen. Please, everyone just read this book (and then watch the movie because James McAvoy as Robbie.... my LORD)

Last book you hated reading:

Dune by Frank Herbert. Not to be hipster but I wanted to read it when I watched the 2002 miniseries Children of Dune back in summer 2020 (again, James McAvoy obsession who) and then when I saw the cast for the new movie I was like well now I *HAVE* to. To be fair it was probably a stretch for me because I'm not a huge fan of full-on fantasy where you have to learn pretty much an entirely new language and lore to understand the story. Especially when the words of all the made-up people, planets, places, things, religions and so on are impossible to pronounce. So yeah it wasn't really a surprise when I was 200 pages in, bored and completely LOST lmao. Needless to say, I did not finish it

Favourite thing to cook/bake:

I'm really really into baking so this was a tough choice. My favourite comfort thing to bake is brownies because my recipe SLAPS, I can do it without even thinking and it's such a crowd pleaser. Otherwise, I love to do cakes/cupcakes where I get to experiment with different flavour combinations and it's an excuse to get the piping bag out and play with decorative techniques

Favourite craft to do in your free time:

I'm shite at the arty stuff so without being boring it's baking and writing

Most niche dislike:

The first thing that came to mind was slimy/slippery food textures but I don't feel like that's so niche. Otherwise maybe reality TV? Social expectations? Men with short hair? The texture of sugar paper? I'm neurodivergent the list can GO ON lmao

Do you have any sense of direction:

Ummm ish? Not so much in just *knowing* where I am or in which direction I'm facing/supposed to be going, but if I go somewhere once I can re-navigate around it real quick. We did a walking tour of Edinborough and I was able to get me and mum back to the city centre after having that tour being my first time there and I didn't go wrong sooo?? does walking count?

Tell us about your D&D character:

I've never played D&D but I've lowkey always wanted to. I've been told by my friend who plays I'm a Chaotic Neutral

absolutely no pressure tags if anyone is bored and wants to do something vaguely entertaining? @sgkophie @timetoracewrites @serialkillertbh @rge-nini @hnmaga-blog and anyone who sees this and wants to participate!!

#iggytalks #FROM A DIFFERENT ACCOUNT #tag game #carlos sainz #formula one #james mcavoy #waterparks #smooth operator #me talking about a bunch of stuff i like #percy jackson #kane chronicles #atonement #ian mcewan

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festeringfae · 2 years

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HEY I just wanted to say, I was sick the last few days and my adhd not-medicated brain vaguely remembered some tumblr post about the secret history and a rabbit hole (no wait not that) later I ended up re-reading your whole 'idon'treadthesecrethistory' blog the last few days (I was the url heenrywinter then!) and wooow nostalgia boy did it take me back. it was such a good ride I just wanted to say thanks and also how was that so long ago? and I hope you're well and happy!

I remember your url!!! I hope you're feeling better! And you're so very welcome. I made idontreadthesecrethistory on a whim while procrastinating on homework in the library my last semester of college, because two of my online friends were constantly talking about the book and I wanted to stay in conversation with them, but had no time to read the book. It is possibly the best split-second decision I have ever made, and it means the world to me--genuinely-- that it had enough of an impact on my readers (!) that they have nostalgia about it (!!), because it had a huge, positive, and unexpected impact on my life. Like I said, I started The Blog my last semester of college. I had just turned 22. I had also just ended a 3 year relationship, which was, with a few very brief exceptions, my first relationship. I didn't know what I wanted to do outside of school, except maybe be a freelance writer, and I had no idea how to go about that. When I took a professional, non-college class about 4 years later in the hope of figuring it out, it was useful, but useful in that it made me realize "uuuum, yeah, it's not actually worth all this bullshit to me when ultimately less eyes and feedback are gonna be on it than if I just posted it for free on social media." But despite knowing it was not only the right choice for me, but the choice I wanted, it still felt a little bit like giving up on a dream. And a big help with me getting over that fallacy was knowing that I could have an online presence and a following and fans of my work-- because I'd already done it. My two friends were the only people I'd even seen talking about The Secret HIstory, and they mostly did it on Twitter. i already knew I could build something out of nothing with my own talent, so all I really had to decide was if i wanted to put all this extra energy into trying to get paid for it-- and i didn't want to. That extra level of security in my own abilities-- especially when it was boistered by people, 4 years after the original run of the blog, said they would still be interested in me doing another project when I proposed it to them. Like, that just means everything to me.

I turned 30 about 2 weeks ago. Life isn't perfect-- this ask cheered me up in the middle of having to hold back tears from a work-related anxiety attack-- but it's waaaaaaay better than I feared back when I was about to leave college. I'm still friends with both of the two friends whose Secret History talk inspired me to create the blog, and talk to one daily. I made two very, very close friends from the blog (I will always remember the feeling of basking in the warm sun in one friend's pool after I flew out to visit, and thinking to myself, my writing got me here.). We also talk near-daily. I have a job that lets me work from home, pays enough above minimum wage that I can afford a rundown apartment by myself, and allows me to get paid to help people-- which is really what I want to do to earn money, if we insist on this capitalism bullshit sticking around. I'm going to another friend's pool on Saturday for her babyshower, and I have an (outdoor, well-ventilated) date on Sunday. I'm not used to it, but: I think I am actually happy. I hope you are, too. I hope every reader of that blog is. And if they are not, remember: this is NOT the only story you will ever be able to tell. P.S.: While many people send/sent asks to idontreadthesecrethistory, I very literally would NOT have been able to keep the blog going if it weren't for then-tumblr-user sluttywidow. I don't know that person's current url, but as far as i'm concerned, they're a co-author (or at the very least, the equivalent of an executive producer, lol.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLlsmB1D4Q0

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rescue-ram · 2 years

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Finished watching Under the Banner of Heaven

Overall a solid 8/10 drama, definitely worth watching and I'll probably rewatch in the future

I really... enjoyed is not the right word, but the actual book 'Under the Banner of Heaven' was excellent and seriously impacted me as a teen. I read it several times, and was pretty familiar with the case going in

I re-read about half the book today to refresh my memory because I was like, "Wait, did this happen? I don't remember it happening this way" at several points in the series. It was interesting to see what they fictionalized for the series

They also fictionalized Allen pretty heavily. Really good actor in the role, who sells it scene to scene, but by the end it didn't quite hang together for me. Like, I get what they were going for- that in getting involved with his brother's fundamentalism he became exposed to the darker history of the LDS church, and became disaffected with it as a whole. But in execution, he just comes off as disjointed.

Also, and I'm wary of how I phrase this because Allen is a real guy, but in the real case he heard his brothers' discussing killing Brenda and Erica in April, 3 months before the murders occured, and he did not warn her. They did not include that in the series, which seems like a major omission. Like he comes off, in the end, as a sympathetic figure in the series, but having that fact in the back of my mind really put a bad taste in my mouth about it.

Also the Mormon History interludes, while reflective of the interweaving in the book, definitely wore out their welcome by the end of the series. They worked really well in the first 3 episodes or so, but by the end they disrupted the tension of the investigation and I was like "Oh come ON." I get what they're doing, both in the series and the book, tracing the history of violence and lies that the Lafferty's used to justify their own violent impulses, but they definitely started to run thin on natural transitions as the series went on.

Also but I kind of wish they had kept the actual circumstances of Ron and Dan's arrest (surrendered peacefully in line for a buffet) because I think that kind of anti-climax emphasizes how their patheticness. The more dramatic arrest worked as a climax, however.

Also I think Dan worked really well as a character, and his actor was excellent. Ron could've used a little more fleshing out, I think, but was also good, especially in his nonverbal acting. They both brought an appropriate energy to their roles, Dan unsettlingly pleasant and detached from the awful things he says and does, and Ron with an intense and strongly repressed rage.

Andrew Garfield's bogman energies were off the charts, with both Bill and Allen. He can't keep getting away with it!

Seriously though, Jeb's relationships were so tender, with his family and with Bill and even Allen. Definitely a highlight of the show, they were really warm and fully fleshed out, and added a lot to the show. There was a lot of nuance to his family relationships, and I really loved them. Becca did so much with her screen time, I really liked her.

Also, but the recurring line of Bill telling Jeb to get some sleep- once I noticed it, I couldn't unnotice it. Not sure what to make of it, but it kept coming up.

Also, the closing guardian angel prayer, you cannot convince me that wasn't directed at Jeb. They were really protective of each other, and I liked their dynamic a lot.

Also, closing crack idea, but I need Jeb to subject Bill to the delightfully Mormon madness that is Saturday's Warrior. Partly because Bill roasting it would be really funny, but also because it seems like at the end what Jeb really has faith in is love and family and I could see him being genuinely misty over some of the scenes in it while watching the tape with his kids.

#under the banner of heaven

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garthcelyn · 2 years

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Get To Know You Tag Game

Thank you so much for the tag @blind-the-winds!

Relationship Status: I've been single for a solid five years, and I think that's what I like best honestly. I'm pretty sure I'm related to like 70% of my town anyway.

Favourite Color(s): Green, purple and blue

Favourite Food: I'm a boring person who will go through a bowl of straight-up runner beans with butter. Parma ham wrapped asparagus is very high on the list though.

Song Stuck in My Head: Ruins by Destroy Boys, I absolutely love this band and I feel like I never shut up about them

Last thing you Googled: Steam download :/

Time: 12:10am

Dream Trip: I'd like to go to Canada at one point, maybe go annoy my family in Florida. I want to go back to Brecon mainly(I'm dull, what can I say?)

Last Thing You Read: Space Opera by Catherynne M. Valente

Last Book You Enjoyed Reading: Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. Gonna have to re-read it because I had no idea what was going on(apparently this is normal). This is a recommendation.

Favourite Thing to Cook/Bake: Carbonara is really fun to make! also like, courgette fritters, chicken in tarragon sauce and beef joints. I like cooking a lot tbh, mostly make soups these days though.

Favourite Craft to do in Your Freetime: Literally all I do is write and I need to work on getting actual hobbies. I like painting though, and I used to do a bit of DIY. Currently after several years of stopping and starting combining those to work on doing up an old dollhouse to film a stop motion in, but alas, spoons.

Most Niche Dislike: I don't know how niche it is but the texture of peas? Flavour's great, can't stand the texture.

Opinion on Circuses: I went once as a kid and I think I'm traumatised. Very noisy, too many people, uncomfortably warm. Never again.

Do You Have Any Sense of Direction: No :( Unless I'm actively paying attention I still get lost on my way to uni after a year, and I still have no idea how to get anywhere in my hometown after being here my whole life. I'm embarrassingly bad.

Gonna leave this as an open tag :D

#tag game

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fumbliesthots · 4 months

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Reflections and Intentions 2023

It’s time for another year to round up and looking like it’s going to be a surprisingly longwinded one (I just have a lot of thoughts today ok?) Here we go…

💰 Financial Health:

So when I turned 35 this year, I thought, oh yeah, here’s a milestone because that’s when the government finally decides I’m old enough to get my own singles flat. And I thought, ok it’s a prudent thing to do, so why not? But then after going through the motions of applying for a BTO I realised that my current income doesn’t actually allow me to queue for one. And as for resale HDB, after doing some calculations, I realised it actually doesn’t make sense for me financially right now because of my intentions to go to grad school in the near future. (Thanks to CT, my financial advisor, who schooled me on the basics of financial literacy and ran through my options with me.)

I also started paying a bit more attention to my investments and spending that I started my own Excel spreadsheet to record stuff. I even applied a new bank account for my salary so that I can earn more interest. It’s still a bit of a headache for me to look at numbers but I think it’s good progress.

For next year, now that I have a goal of saving up for grad school in mind, I intend to keep up my habit to tracking my finances and see where I can optimise. But I also want to be more generous and see how I can treat my parents and family to more nice dinners or chip in a bit more for household spendings.

📚Favorite reads:

Closing the Loop: Systems Thinking for Designers (by Sheryl Cababa) - I’ve been looking up different courses and books on systems thinking for the past couple of years, this is the first time I’ve encountered a comprehensive take on contextualising this skill for designers and product people. Very accessible and plenty of examples illustrating the different concepts and system archetypes.

I hope more designers understand patterns of complex systems so that instead of incentivising quick fixes, we will be more aware how our solutions today impact the whole system over a longer time scale. I did a sharing session on this topic with my colleagues, I hope it would at least trigger some curiosity for some of them to learn more.

The Advantage (by Patrick Lencioni)

I read a bunch of Patrick Lencioni’s books on organisational health for work (The 5 Dysfunctions of a Team, Death by Meetings, Silos and Turf Wars etc) and taking notes while sighing a lot in recognition. Through these books I realised why it is such a red flag when your leaders do not engage in conflict often enough, and why it’s so important to have clearly articulated vision and goals, and how to have the right meetings in the right frequency to to discuss the right things.

The Singapore Synthesis: Innovation, Inclusion, Inspiration (by Ravi Menon)

A book that surprised me was The Singapore Synthesis which made me rethink about what it takes to build and run a nation, as well as new ideas and theories on how to make it sustainable in the long-term. It made me grateful to have smart people in our country researching and thinking about such things.

Next year, I intend to read more fiction – to re-stimulate my brain for imagination, relaxing it, and distract myself from too much work-related thoughts. I also want to read more social science and anthropology-related books, just to warm myself up mentally and intellectually for grad school.

🎓 Grad school prep

This year I took an impromptu solo trip to Croatia to study the anthropologists in their natural habitat – in research conferences apparently? I’ve never been to Croatia before, so it was a surprising trip even to myself, to hop onto 3 planes and a ferry over 30hours to get to a remote island. My parents thought I was going to a cult gathering and kept trying to dissuade me on my way to the airport. That was funny, but the lesson is, never to show them event website that looks suspiciously worded in Chinese translation.

I did take my time to scout around online for what subjects I would like to take my masters in and tried to imagine what kind of life it having a master in those disciplines would lead me to. I don’t mind leaving the design industry if it meant I would be able to work on something even more interesting with my life.

For next year, in order to warm myself up for academic work, I’ve decided to embark on a little personal research study just for the fun of it..

And hopefully by the end of the year, perhaps after a taste of research work, and some self-study, I will be able to decide if going for an Anthropology masters is right for me.

💼 Work:

At work, at some point, I felt almost ready to leave after setting up some processes and seeing the team dynamics improving a lot this year, with a bit of intervention. Looking back at my work journal this year, I realised a lot of the frustrating parts came from unclarity of goals from the leaders, and their inability to communicate and align their agendas (ego is the enemy). And I found out that these dysfunctional patterns unfortunately were cascaded down from the leadership levels above. Setting up systems and rules from an operations perspective helps with that, along with a lot of herding cats and 1-1 coffee sessions to figure out how to connect the dots.

I also suddenly became a manager of 2 new colleagues towards the end of the year. I had been wanting to start a team of my own for a while but for most part of the year it didn’t seem possible because of the headcount freeze. It’s been an emotionally draining issue for me – I was almost giving up on that and counting on just settling what I wanted to do for the team before leaving for my studies.

Now that these 2 have just transferred over from other teams, I feel like a new parent. I decided that it would be good for both them and me if I would stay just a while longer to stabilise this new function. I’m worried that they would have no one to guide them on what to do, or look out for them on their new journey as a designops practitioners. For me, I think it would be a good opportunity for my personal growth as well.

I also became more aware of mental health issues this year. There was a young colleague that took their own life this year. A few of our Singapore team members were quite affected by this, as this was something none of us were prepared for and know how to respond to. It was even hard to talk about… what is appropriate or taboo or just not HR-compliant. So much grey area to navigate.

Mental health issues at the workplace is much more important than I used to pay attention to. I’m not sure is it just the media surfacing these topics more prominently these days but I started noticing that everyone is suffering from something to a certain degree. Everyone has their “stuff”. Now that i have taken on the responsibility of being a people manager, this is something I have to be more mindful about. It’s a bit unnerving that I might do or say something wrong that could hurt or cause undue mental stress to someone. The other side of the coin is also not to treat people like helpless snowflakes. How can I help people become more mentally-resilient and develop their own self-compassion and boundary-setting habits?

I’m grateful that our company offers private counselling to those that needed it, as well as paid subscriptions to apps and resources to help us navigate difficult situations both at work and personally. Not many people have access to such resources on their own.

My intentions at work next year is to stabilise this Ops team up as much as possible so that they would be ready go on supporting the team without me. This means teaching them what I know, where to find help for things we don’t know, and who to reach out to for things that need coordination. Encouraging them form their own internal network of relationships and build up their “street cred” so that people start looking for them rather than reaching out to me.

There are many potential initiatives that I still find exciting to explore and experiment with, but we definitely need resources for it to be done properly. I will need to be more thick skin next year, ask my bosses for what I need. The risk I have to be mindful of is being too hands-on myself just because I want to see things move (and I still find the work too fun to just let others do it). But I have learn to set clear directives and do the work through others if I ever want to leave this team.

🧐 Courses and Learnings

“Middleness”: I completed another 3-day course at Common Ground by Shiao Yin, which as always, was excellent and worth every penny. It was about how to lead effectively as “middles” and all about seeing our power as part of the system and practicing integration from the position of top, middle, ground.

“Mindset Privilege”: Another thing that made an impression on me this year was about the concept of “mindset privilege” coined by Simon Sinek. The idea that there are some people whom no matter what life serves them, they can always take it with a smile and find ways to work things out. And conversely the less privileged person without this mindset, always has something to complain or feel helpless about, even if they have so much resources available to them, but somehow they cannot get themselves out of that state of feeling stuck. I always thought mindset is something we can change, but if it’s really a privilege does it mean some people are just lucky to have had the opportunity in their life to develop it? And that we should be empathise that not everyone can just unstuck themselves easily because they haven’t had the opportunity to develop such mindset? Food for thought. Anyway here’s the video interview: https://youtu.be/NcaQUH2K-wo?feature=shared

🎖️Wins

Doodlegram fundraiser: I’m quite happy with my ability to raise $1000 so quickly this year with my “doodlegrams” on Instagram for Hui Ying’s #1000GUIConnections fundraising program. I drew 20 pictures of friends and acquaintances, and sent the prints to them via snail mail for $50 each. Even though I’m no longer as active as a GUI volunteer as I was used to these days, that was a fun little thing that I’m proud to be involved.

Meditation: In bid of trying not to lose my momentum from the retreat last year, I wanted to keep up my meditation practice. But I knew I would have challenge doing it on my own time hence I decided to join a group. I’m proud to say that this year I’ve managed to keep my Friday evening discipline of going to group meditation almost weekly. Even tho 80% of the time sitting there, my mind was filled with work thoughts, or what to eat for dinner, at least I show up. And that’s enough. Sadhu sadhu sadhuuuu… 😄

Pod Pilot: At work, one of my proudest achievements was to convince the entire XD team to try out the Pod Model pilot experiment, where they had to commit actual time and resources to work together and serve our customers more holistically. Moving ourselves out of the product teams, into a more strategic position on the decision tables.

It took us months of preparation and negotiations within ourselves as well as the stakeholders from different divisions. This was also probably a scary move for many of the team members in the pilot who hasn’t experienced this way of working before, and we had to provide them with a lot of support from all directions. 6 months in, we are beginning to see some encouraging results from the outcomes of the experiment.

For next year, my goal is to strengthen this initiative by providing more leadership and strategy training for the team members who want to be part of future pods, as well as focus on setting up the right conditions for our future pods to be successful.

⛈️ Headwinds and challenges

Taking things down a notch: Last year I told myself that I should take things a bit easier at work because I’ve been a bit of a workaholic. I’ve failed. Who knew that to set up self-sustaining systems at work requires taking things up a notch, putting in more upfront effort? I also let myself get sucked into unnecessary work because I didn’t have the courage to delegate or ask for help. I expect that this pattern will continue next year unless I consciously keep track of my end goal of having this team run fine without me.

Familial disharmony: This year there was bit of drama that caused my family some stress. I tried to play a mediator so that things wouldn’t escalate, but I still haven’t convinced them talk things out in a healthy way. Although the meditation and Buddhist practice my parents started has helped them calm down a lot recently, but still I hope that one day they can set themselves free from all these needless expectations they have of themselves and their adult children. On the bright side, this could perhaps become the beginning of our family’s coming-of-age story.

World is in bad shape: There are wars and violence that broke out this year, bad news and unrests everywhere. Polarising politics. Climate change and the lackluster commitment by the G20 countries to do anything about it. Inflation and GST hikes. Mass layoffs from big and small companies alike. Gen AI disrupting many industries and our livelihood and posing long-term existential threat to humankind. Gosh, it’s difficult to feel hopeful for the future every time I tune in to the news. But we cannot let all these overwhelm us. On days like these, I’ll have to focus on the present moment, and remember Ajahn Brahm’s story of the dangerous snake pit – “Mmm… delicious 🍯!”

👣 Onward 2024

I’ve already sprinkled in what I want to do/improve in different aspects of my life next year. Theme of the year 2024 will be… (drumroll)… “Wholeness”.

I’ve been listening to a lot of Finding Common Ground podcast this year, and one of the questions they always ask the guests at the end is, what does being “whole” mean to you? Their different answers were always insightful.

For me, it just means to feel ok. I hope people around me will find ways to discover or rediscover parts of themselves that got lost, dropped, broken, or hurt along the way. I hope we will all find the courage and compassion to do so together, and not be bound by ego, fear, or self-judgements.

When we are not whole, our jagged edges can hurt people. But we can learn to piece ourselves like jigsaw puzzles so that we can feel whole together. When we are all whole, we can make the whole even wholier!

It’s 12am and officially 2024 now. Cheers to the new year.

#reflection

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katherinejblackwell · 6 months

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