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#i thought about what i would realistically use for my own posts
windslar · 2 months
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current project: streamline my editing process
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lady-raziel · 8 days
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long reaction to the update
ok. so they put out an update video! since i've been commentating for the last three days i might as well subject you all to more of my thoughts today.
main takeaway: this was a good apology video. i mean it. short and to the point, no overproduction, heartfelt and honest (and not a ukelele to be seen. thank god.) they took ownership of the situation, apologized, and restated how much they value their relationship with the fandom.
their solution is to make the watcher tv platform into kind of an iteration of patreon where content is available for early access before it is released onto youtube later. this is clearly a better option than paywalling everything for everyone. i'm not sure what the relative breakdown of costs turns out to be when you compare how much they were making on patreon after the platform took their cut VS how much it costs in overhead to run and maintain their own platform (how much it costs annually to contract via Vimeo, essentially). but i'm sure that's part of the calculation.
all things considered, that does seem like the best option out of all the alternatives. it allows them to not completely abandon any of the pans they have simmering over the fire for the time being. i don't think i ever thought they were going to just say "oops, forget about the streaming thing! let's pretend that never happened!" because at this point they've invested quite a lot of time and money into it, and i don't disagree that keeping it in some iteration may help them make up some of the funds they're lacking.
i would say, it's fine to keep the streamer. this is one of the ok outcomes, all things considered-- but if they're going to do it, they've GOT to do it smart from this point forward. listen to both the fans and the consultants intimately. both are going to have valid points, and both are going to be right. listening to too much of either side will sink this thing because each has motives and expertise that the other doesn't. if the fans say $6 is too much, listen to them-- but have conversations with business consultants about how much you realistically need to charge to make things work.
also, i'd use this whole situation as a learning experience. watcher is a young company, and it's literally inevitable that mistakes will happen. what's different is that the watcher crew haven't really been in a position before where they've been on the receiving end of the internet-angry-justice-hammer to this extent. it's one thing to watch it happen to others, but it's a position of extreme privilege (and a bit of hubris) to think "but that won't happen to me, because i'm built different." naw, man-- two things in life are inevitable: death and fuckups. the callout posts get us all in the end.
what's really important is that they use this as a wakeup call that even the most loyal fandoms will only follow you so far to the cliff's edge, and you don't want to push that. you have to strike a balance between the passion projects that you think are worthy and the stuff that maybe doesn't excite you as much anymore but the people want to see. a little fanservice keeps the lights on, as unfair as that might seem. i'm gonna make 50 markiplier choccy milk memes just so i can make one niche political joke once and a while for 6 likes. it is what it is.
i'd also use this as a chance to take a very careful look at company structure and finances. it's not fun to do and nobody likes it. trust me-- this is hard whether you're a single adult trying to pay the bills or the freaking US government (speaking from experience on both-- i have to read the president's budget for work frequently). but you all have to ask hard questions about the ratio of creative staff you take on VS staff for administrative and other business roles, as well as the costs and benefits of everything you spend money on. how many staff members are essential to location shoots? can this video be shot with 2 cameras instead of 3 and thus you don't need another cameraperson? you might even have to come to the decision that instead of pitching a new show it makes more sense to use those funds to hire your essential non-creative roles or contract firms or freelancers.
paying staff a fair wage with benefits speaks highly of what watcher wants their values to be. it's hard to find such a position in a creative role and still actually get to work on things you care about. but it would be much worse if watcher didn't make realistic decisions about finances and it lead to the death of the company and everyone losing their jobs. the whole watcher company can work, in my opinion, but not without some sacrifices. they're going to have to run it more like a business and less like a youtube-channel-turned-business in the future if they want to survive.
last thing i'll add is that while i do think this was a good apology video, i still think they hurt themselves by not putting out some sort of statement on Friday or Saturday just to say that they were formulating a response. As i've said in other posts, it's ok and in fact beneficial to not make a kneejerk reaction, but it's also very important to communicate that you SEE what's happening. you SEE what people are saying and THAT'S why you need more time to respond. saying nothing and leaving the angry public to wonder if you dropped your phone off the Hoover Dam or just don't care? that's a fumble. it's a common mistake companies make in a crisis, but that doesn't mean it doesn't erode trust fast.
this could have been handled better in many ways. we see that, and i'm glad watcher says they see that too. crucial going forward is taking all this and patching the errors that caused all this to fall apart and learning from the experience.
tbh at this point what i'm most sad about is that the watcher crew have probably been too stressed out and upset to appreciate some of the absolute bangers people have been laying down to clown on them. i think if it wasn't about them they might be touched by the collective attitude and creative spirit. /j
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colourstreakgryffin · 2 months
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Hello, sorry from before. I am the illusionist person.
I guess Alastor, Velvett, and Emily (but only if you do her).
I apologize about before.
No problem! I just do not like the idea of taking away credit from others’ choices and picking out the characters for others’ subjects. It just doesn’t feel right. I am sorry for being so… well, I guess, annoying and picky! To be honest, not a lot can be done here so sorry, it’s going to be kinda short! Also, this is my first time handling Emily!
Alastor
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Alastor almost thought you were an ordinary sinner. A lady not unbelievably special but special in your own ways. But he is mistaken when he begins seeing your illusions and asks you about it. He is so surprised, jaw-dropped, amazed… that’s incredible!
Alastor is actually really supportive towards your illusion power and eggs you on to use it more than you normally do. Use it to get what you want, use it to mislead, use it to defend yourself. He will be right there to cheer you on
Alastor finds it fascinating when you begin to use your illusions on him. Changing his clothing to 1800s, making his ears disappear, all for shits and giggles but it’s just eye tricks. Everything is still there and hasn’t done anything to you, it’s just so realistic, that it’s incredible. He is impressed and has to remind himself that everything you suddenly ‘make’ is not real at all
It can be considered minor but to your boyfriend, your illusionary power. The most powerful, hyper realistic delusions that even shatter like glass when being hit. Enables Alastor’s pride and he is happily brags about how powerful you can be. He mentioned you a ton during his broadcasts and now, he mentions you as a whole even more. He’s just so proud of you
“My dear. Your mind is quite wild and livid. I can’t help but wonder what else you can do. May I ask, how does this power work? It’s so unique and I’d love to get to know it even more, may we speak over a nice date on my room’s balcony over some tea and cookies?”
Velvette
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Velvette actually would much more prefer if her harmless little sinner girlfriend was just a normal demon. Didn’t have any powers that made her override the Overlord of the pair… but boy, she is so wrong and she ends up being jumpscared by your illusion-inducing power, directly falling for it and afterwards, she can’t help but directly fall for you even more
Whilst it’s true that Velvette enjoys being the unique one of this couple, she finds herself not at all salty or jealous of your power. In-fact, she wants to see it more in action and she even asks if she can post videos or pictures of your abilities to show you off, as a way to also demonstrate to the web that you belong to her, and this power belongs to her as well
Velvette is uncontrollably disturbed and annoyed by just how hyper realistic and convincing your mind images are. They are fully seeable to everybody, it’s not just you two but she feels like it’s tricking her individually. Whilst she gets irritated with them sometimes, she has grown to support you as a whole. She does like, however, when you use your mind and dress her in 1800s era clothing. Yeah, the dresses are ugly and old but the effort behind them is adorable so she allows it
As stated before, Velvette takes pictures, videos and stills of your illusionary magic and posts them online. She doesn’t just use this as claiming you as hers, she also uses it to brag about you. You went from just beautiful to beautiful and powerful, and that’s all hers. She has your heart and she wants everybody to know you can render them useless with your illusions. She brags to even the Vees
“Yo. Bae, can you please do me a fav with your luse-power? I want to make a really good fashion runway picture for my social media accounts and this one is shit. Could you please make some accessorises for me… pleeeaase~? I promise I’ll buy ya a present~!”
Emily
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Emily is a Seraphim. A powerful, higher-up ranked Angel species of the Heaven Hierarchy, so it’s quite surprising when she is as surprised to seeing the precious ordinary Angel lovely woman she calls hers form a illusion creation of her friend, Charlie Morningstar, trying to cheer her up after a bad day. She is so amazed and so proud, eyes sparkling with awe
Emily is the most supportive and encouraging being ever and she wants to rise you up, even more up above Heaven’s majestic cool clouds. She wants you to feel invincible and she wants to you feel proud of yourself so she’ll, much like a child, ask you to use more of your illusions, explore your power and get more confident with it and everytime she watches it, her mind basically explodes
Emily happily and excitedly spins out when you use your illusionary power on her to change her looks; gorgeous hair, gorgeous dress and even her wings. She feels so different yet so blessed at the same time, even if the new look is just a magical sheet covering her body. She also finds it interesting and funny that you dressed her in human 1800s era style, she wants you two to match so she basically begs you to use your magic on you too
Emily legit goes out of her way and with help from Sera, finds and brings back needed magical training items and spell books to try help you hone your already hyper-convincing Mirakinesis and your skills with that power, so you can expand your percentage and even maybe make it even more powerful, with her right besides you as your biggest cheerleader
“Sunflower! Can you make yourself invisible yet? Did the books and items help you at all? I hope they did! I also hope that you know that I am so proud of you and I love you so much! Please never keep something like this from me ever again! You’re incredible, with and without it”
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strangersmunsons · 2 months
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💖 Eddie Munson x Reader Fic Recs 💖
I just wanna show some appreciation for a few of my all-time favorite Eddie fics! Here’s a handful of the series & oneshots that have really stuck out to me in all the time I've been reading - there's A TON of great writers on here who have posted really stellar work :^)
List under the cut!
june baby by @luveline - luveline jade u are a celebrity to me. this was the first Eddie story I ever read and it is so beautiful. it's tender. it's melancholy. it's realistic. it's gorgeous. it honestly makes me feel something I've never felt reading any other fanfiction.
oh, baby by @inknopewetrust - another one of my first Eddie fics! the feeling that this series invoked in me is what I aspire to invoke in others for my own writing someday. it's just so sweet and funny and made me nostalgic, in the same way that watching '80s teen films do, except it's even better because Eddie is in this one. I wanted so badly to just dive into the story and really experience it for myself.
hoping I'll find [a glimpse of us] by @inknopewetrust - this smashed my heart into 1000 pieces, and then promptly glued it very sloppily back together and I've reread it like six times just to reinflict the pain. I love rockstar!Eddie stories that maintain some realism about what that type of relationship would look like, and this fic does that SO perfectly. masterclass in angst right here.
dancing with myself by @ambrossart - this one hits close to home! and even though it hurts along the way, there's a happy ending that it builds so nicely towards! it's beautifully paced & the reader is very funny. you can just tell that the her backstory & relationship w/ Eddie was so carefully thought out, it really feels like this was written with so much love! and I LOVE that it doesn't paint Chrissy as a villain.
10 things I hate about you by @spideyanakin - so glad that we all collectively agree that Patrick is Eddie-coded. and in this fic the parallels are there, without Eddie sacrificing his own unique character - that part is handled really beautifully! and the ST characters are worked into the original movie's narrative so well. it's the perfect mix of fluff and drama!
freaky friday by @jo-harrington - I adore this series! I love this version of Eddie so much I could cry, he is so sweet and selfless, I want to give him the entire world. and an Eddie & Steve body swap? 10/10. lindsay and jamie lee, eat your hearts out.
to know you're mine by @blueywrites - oooohboy. I almost didn’t read this one (just because I would normally avoid swinging/cheating in a fic) but I'm so glad I did, because it was like being on the homer's odyssey of 18+ ST fanfiction. it’s wild. bluey girl u were insane for this. and i mean that as an extremely high compliment. i was so damn invested!
i will wait by @abibliophobiaa, @blueywrites, @breddiemunson, @myosotisa, @fracturedarkness - there's three chapters, it's on hiatus, I don't care, I will literally keep reading these three chapters over and over again and just fill in the blanks myself if I must. it's that good. you guys are amazing. I am totally enthralled.
rumor by @msgexymunson - this is what turned me on to older!Eddie. I love him, and I desire him carnally, and specifically this version of him. when I daydream about Eddie sweeping me off my feet, I think about Eddie in this series. he's everything to me. I even wrote my own older neighbor Eddie fic because of this!
trapped under ice by @munson-blurbs - the iron grip this fic had me in...I'm still going back and re-reading my favorite parts. it's beautifully developed. this version of Eddie is so real and believable. Harris is my favorite kid he's ever been given. an all-time, truly, I can't sing its praises enough.
siren!eddie by @parkermunson - a monster-ish Eddie fic! I'm a sucker for anything that incorporates mermaids and sirens and the like, so I really love this concept. it's a great story, I love our protective, doting fishboy, and hope to see more of him!
use me by @reysorigins - simultaneously the nastiest and sweetest fic ever. smut, but it's interspersed with these moments of such deep-seated love and yearning between Eddie and the reader that it made me want to cry! incredible piece.
mine and yours by @muertawrites - ahhhh this one is so so sweet! dating is so fucking hard, I think we could all use a comforting, reassuring moment with a sweetheart like Eddie, who is especially kind to us in this fic. I love the way he’s written here.
our patron saint of the arts by @storiesbyrhi - I love an artsy, crafty reader! I feel like Eddie would be sooo into someone who’s creatively-minded like him. this is the dream relationship, basically, these two are adorable together! (and Eddie in a dress! 😗)
And this is just a sample of what’s out there! Some of these are fics that I read very early on, even before I started this blog. I was more shy then, too, so I feel like I never showed them the appreciation I should have! You guys are all so talented, these works are very inspiring to me.
To readers: I encourage you to let the writers know how much you enjoy their work! Reblog! Leave a comment, even if it’s just in the tags! Write a reply, or send them a message, even if it’s on anon! I’m trying to get better at doing these things myself, too 💖
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sourpatchys · 3 months
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what are your opinions on Daryl's dick size
Never in my life did I think I’d have the absolute honor to be asked for dick headcannons, but here we are!!
This honestly kinda threw me for a loop because I’ve never thought about it independently, I’ve just agreed with everyone else lmaooo
So, I hope you still enjoy— even if I’m not adding anything super substantial to the table
NSFW below the cut 18+ MDNI
A/n: please ignore how weird the columns look I have no idea why they did that, I’m on mobile rn so the interface is a little different than I’m used too when posting haha
Daryl isn’t a super hairy guy, especially not down below. He’s never bothered to shave though, not before the world went under and definitely not after. If his body is going to grow hair then who is he to say otherwise?? It was bad enough shaving his face when he was a teen, why the hell would be put his genitals through that torture??
Realistically, Daryl’s probably supporting a good 6 inch dick maybe 6.5, with a pretty average girth at around 4.59. He’s not self conscious of his size— he never really understood why anyone would be in the first place. (That didn’t stop him from laughing at the jokes and making a few of his own in his youth through)
He’s definitely circumcised, a religious family from the south made sure of that. He has a couple distinct veins going along the sides, not aggressive looking but they’re definitely visible, and he has a slight indentation on the underside leading a beautiful stripe right up from base to tip
I don’t take Daryl as the Masturbation type, at least not often. You could definitely find soft spots and pleasure spikes that he’s never found on his own before
The head of his dick has a slightly pink hue, perfectly mushroom shaped, and his urethra is one hole (there’s no slot in the middle)
He’s always a mess after cumming, he doesn’t get off much (at least not on his own) so when he finishes he finishes hard. He’s completely pent up.
Obviously with no showers available (and Daryl in general just hating showers for some reason) he can (and usually does) have a smell of some kind, though I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily overpowering. He’d likely wash off a little before letting you anywhere near his crotch though.
He’s a grower— not a shower. Flaccid, his sick isn’t much to write home about, which isn’t something he minds— running around in the hot Georgia sun isn’t exactly fun. Least of all of you have a huge dick swinging between your legs.
He’s got a pretty tight sack— not too big or too small— which could be considered odd for his age, but given his lackluster sexual desires without a partner, they don’t really get much use. (And he’s not complaining)
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f-t-e · 6 months
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I started watching SUPERNATURAL in November 2020. I know, I know. My partner and I had been isolating alone since March. The timing felt right. I went though a wild amount of upheaval and trauma over the next year and SPN was there for me through it all. It was THE show at THE time and it kept me afloat when I needed it the most. Since November 2021 I've written just about 110,000 words of SPN fanfic, a number that seems unbelievable to me, and that too has been a real blessing to my creative life, no matter what haters say. (why didn't I write my own novels in that time? Because I have a hobby, Karen, and I love it.) And I've read about 500000x that much fanfic, which has been the biggest blessing of all. (ETA: oh right, if you want to read my fic, you can find my stuff here, I wrote a fic where Dean reads books. Lots of books.)
I know I'm a nobody in this fandom but I thought on this, our #DestielDay, I would submit my own humble rec list. I've curated this very deliberately: every fic here has just about 4000 hits or less (most under 3000) and all were published in 2020 or after. So, sort of a rec list for some lesser known and newer fics, something you maybe haven't stumbled on yet. Especially thank you to @jewishcharliebradbury, her rec lists gave me a place to start back in the day and I have tried to model the depth and quality they brought to their lists. I tried to link to everyone's tumblr, but if I missed one, let me know.
Most of all, thank you to everyone who has EVER created something for this fandom, from 2005 to 2023. I am so thankful and, honestly, honored to be among your number. You're not supposed to be cringe and say a show saved your life...but SUPERNATURAL saved me, it really did. See y'all when the movie/reboot drops, to quote Ryan Gosling in The Notebook: IT WASN'T OVER, IT STILL ISN'T OVER. And I'm glad.
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Finale Fix-It & S15 and Beyond
What The Moon Was Saying by Amiril (@runawaymarbles)
This is hands-down one of the coolest “Dean Rescues Cas from the Empty” fics I have ever read and the concept is brilliantly structured to mirror the literal and metaphorical things Dean needs to give up and let go to get free. Every scenario is very satisfying and they make sense, is there any better feeling? Dean is very open in this, but in a believable way that still has edges. And, oh, the reunion is so good. Plus all the family stuff. Just excellent, exactly what you want in a fic like this: lovely, well-written, smart, fulfilling, all the pieces clicking, the show but better.
Awake and Annoying by skycruise
I love the use and passage of time in this one, it has some real impact, and I love the way Dean gets into the Empty (so smart, fits just right) and what I REALLY love in this one is the way it lets Dean be really clear-eyed and honest about his relationship with Sam, both the strengths and the weaknesses. And the last line, very clever and moving inverse of one of fandom’s favorite things. 
Living the life you chose by allthismusic
THEEEEE post finale Sam Winchester-Outsider-POV this fandom needs. Sam is absolutely awesome in this, the most believable, loving, realistic mix of “I knew all along” and “I had no idea” versions of Sam, landing somewhere I think that’s really true and in character. It fills in and develops so many gaps and silences in what the show let Sam know in the absolute best way. Best Brother Sam is a weakness of mine and he really shines here, there for Dean in the best ways but also coming into his own, I love it so very much. (this author also has a very great 2022 Big Bang fic, hugely recommend that one too.)
your ear to the wound that whispers by EmandFandems (@lazarusemma)
Who doesn’t love a HANDPRINT FIC?!? And boy this is such a good one. It follows Dean and his thoughts on the handprint from the first touch all the way to fixing the finale and it simply buzzes with longing and desire, tenderness and rawness. It’s great insight in lot of ways into Dean’s journey. It’s short but fulfilling and oh that very perfect last line. (this author also has a lot of great Jupernatural content.)  
Somewhere Off in the Dark by magickastiel 
Another awesome fic that traces Dean’s shifting/growing feelings for Cas from when he shows up in his hotel rooms to a HEA fix it after canon. Dean, again, is handled so deftly in this one, his confusion and sorrow at all the times Cas is slipping away from him all the way through the things he won’t let himself know. He feels really true in this one, sharp and tender in the best Dean ways. Also it has an agonizingly romantic end, you love to end up there.
Pins and Feathers by theskywasblue (@buttherewasnogod)
This author has so many freaking good SPN fics, omg it was almost impossible to pick just one to include on this list. Go treat yourself with their entire list because there’s so much good stuff there! But this one, oh I am a sucker for a finale fix-it that lets Dean be this tender. While I LOVE fics where he just jumps right into Cas’s arms (and write them lol) I also feel like this is so true to Dean too: that “maybe I misunderstood, maybe I shouldn’t say anything, maybe he doesn’t still –” And on top of all that, it’s a “they go the beach” fic and it gets the details of it so right, sand in your toes and all. Tender, amazing slow-burn, real, hot, full of heart and longing and everything unspoken and just waiting. Very satisfying!
i loved you first by kalmialatifolia
A set of four short fics that create an entire world of feeling and emotion. These feel like little whispered stories told under the covers, very atmospheric. There’s one very sexy one, a haircutting one (so good) and they’re just intimate. All together a great set and did I mention they’re in the “Cas saves himself” genre which is mmmm an underrated treasure.
no other faith is light enough for this place by anonymous 
A fix-it fic that has a particularly unique and beautiful visual of both how and why Cas comes back. The mechanics behind it are fairly standard but the way this author creates the visual of it, the sheer emotion and force behind it and how it happens, it really stood out to me and stuck with me. It’s Dean being brave enough to really feel and the way that just blossoms – lovely, aching, full-tilt wonderful.
 no proof, one touch by TakeThisWaltz (@watchinghimrakeleaves)
One thing I absolutely cannot get enough of is fic where Cas is hiding out from Dean in heaven. It just hits. And the only thing better is Dean chasing him down and the WAY he does it in this fic, methodically and – well the method (sobs) it is so endearing and OBVIOUS and gives Dean a chance to shout in all the best ways. This one is just real sweet and kind of goofy and if they have to be in heaven, I want them to still be these same two dorks.
Stay by redbrickrose
This is a post S15x18 from Cas’s POV and I think it’s very true to where he would be in the moment of getting yanked out of the Empty: resigned, hesitant about what he has in front of him, still a little in shock. And then. And then. Sweet and simple and Dean gets a chance to say, say, say it. This author has a good post series AU and a lovely little spate of S15 codas, all good. And then wrote this in real-time in the week after 15x18 Despair and right before 15x19 Inherit the Earth aired (could you just sob over the possibilities?!) and then hasn’t wrote anything since and that’s a shame but, like, yeah I get it.
like a one-two punch by Muir_Wolf (@muirmarie)
Don’t you love a short fic that feels like it’s a whole novel? This goes AU after 14x20 Moriah but it is a truly delightful twist on how Chuck could’ve reacted there and it makes Dean sharp as a knife, which is one really resonant image woven through this fic. Great imagery here and so many clever solutions for the lazy plotting of S15, including simply one of my all-time favorites in any fic ever solutions to Cas’s deal (genius) and getting rid of Chuck. Brilliant like a puzzle box yet still full of so much fucking joy.
maybe i like pleasure pain by tothewillofthepeople (@kvothes)
The fact that this was written in October 2023 and is so agonizingly good fills my heart with joy and tells me Destiel will never die lol. Cas, in particular, is great in this – he’s having a hard time adjusting to being in a body and with all the fuzz of the world. I love fics where Cas struggles with coming back from the Empty and this uses a really unique approach to it: Cas facing sensory overload and not knowing how to feel but wanting it all. Lovely, hot, Dean is just right in this too.
Earlier Canon (pre S15)
Proverbs 13:12 by starlingcas (@angelcasendgame)
Many might say I am biased because Renu has beta’ed everything I have written in the SPN fandom and they can read my brain and make everything I write better. But it’s not just that. Renu has done something beautiful and delicate in this fic, which is about Dean and Cas getting trapped in a net together (forced proximity trope, yes please) and weaves a web of its own; pulling you in just as they are pulled together. This is set mostly in early S14 (before fixing the finale in the most heart-healing way) and captures that feeling so well. There’s so much that’s unsaid between them yet still conveyed and Renu absolutely nails that, along with the tender longing that was always there. This is a fic to relish.
you may tire of me (as our december sun is setting) by deludedfantasy
You know how the show just sometimes is like “uh so anyway uh then Cas…uh…left.” and it just doesn’t make one lick of sense? FINALLY FINALLY a fic where Dean says “I’ll go with you,” and then goes because he actually would do that. This is a post Tombstone fic so it is exactly where/when he WOULD go and it is tender and hesitant and aching in just all the ways it would be between the two of them at this time. It’s about needing to keep someone in sight, it’s about having another chance to say something so important, it’s slow and soft and just right for the characters in this place. I could read this one about 100 times.
the anatomy of flightless birds by cowlovely (@dollhousemary)
This fic is basically the way you feel when you get all cozy and snug underneath your favorite blanket. This is a domestic-life-in-the Bunker S9 fic where everyone behaves like they are in character and not just like they have to get Cas off screen because the writers panicked. You’ll just want to curl up in this fic and savor it the way you wrap your fingers around a hot beverage on a very cold day, there’s no better way to describe it.
virtue by JenTheSweetie
I think I’ve read this about 100 times and it still gets me everytime? It’s a five things fic about Dean and Cas hooking up and it’s all you’ve ever wished for. This is set in an amorphous S8 and it is not just agonizingly hot but also romantic and very funny. It feels really in character! Sam is hilarious, Dean is clueless but bowled over and letting himself be swept up, Cas is delighting in every second and smarter than he lets on and it ALL feels fated and lovely and sexy and just splendid. (this author only has 3 SPN fics but they are all so good and if you try sometimes, well you just might find is an absolutely brilliant deconstruction of Dean learning the differences between “needing” and “wanting.”)
Romance at the Motel 6 by shelia_amour 
This fic makes me feel like Stefon from SNL. This fic has everything: Cas and Sam pretending to be married, just the right amount of jealous Dean, Dean randomly pretending to be married to Cas, Dean realizing maybe this isn’t so fake after all, motel vibes, Cas in Dean’s clothes, Cas getting bee slippers. If you are not sold on this already, we are very different people. So good, aches just right. (set in a kind of “whenever” of canon, but I like to put it somewhere in S8.)
que sera sera by Purple_Starflower (@hauntedpearl)
The epitome of how fanfic unfolds for us all the things that COULD happen. You can’t PROVE to me Dean and Cas never snuck off to snuggle and feed Dean’s touch-starvation early in S13. I had to check when I finished because I just couldn’t believe this fic was under 4000 words because it feels so full of touch, longing, the things unspoken, and all the ways Dean was reaching, reaching, reaching. The best kind of ache, and everything by this author is lovely. 
the hard edge that you’re settling for by lesspopped (@trekkiedean)
This is some S10 Demon!Dean that made my stomach hurt and my heart ache and I absolutely loved it and I absolutely hated it and it all felt so REAL with who Demon!Dean was and could have been. There’s a TW for mildly dubious consent in this, but to me, Cas was so agonizingly true to who he was/where he was at this point in canon too. This fic is gloriously, claustrophobically intimate. I say unbearable because as a reader you know that this closeness, this intimacy, is what Dean wants/craves/deserves but can only give himself as a demon and the author does an exquisite job at getting all that across. Hurts so good! 
four of swords by sundryvillians (eurythmix) (@perenial)
Can the world ever have enough post 12x12 fic? The answer is, of course, no. Dean and Cas bake bread and in the soft space of creating something with their own hands, get so close to the words Cas said. It’s about healing and anger and making something just because you are so tired of everything breaking. If that alone isn’t enough to convince you, let me also throw in this is another one of those “possible off-screen moments in canon” that gives them something honest and tender and raw and it feels so very possible. 
Fifteen Prayers From the Faithless by koyas_cat
Short, achy, that sweet sting. A set of prayers for Cas from the beginning to the end, full of all the things Dean doesn’t let himself say outloud and just reflecting the changes in their connection over alllll the years. So good.
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biibini · 3 months
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Hii!! After mizu graduates college, what type of job do you think she'd have? Would it have to do with sports or maybe something way different? (I absolutely love your writing and headcanons !! 🩷🩷)
modern!mizu post-college life headcanons
tags: post-grad life, engineering mizu, stable work life, a woman in stem, moving in with reader, basketball with mizu, mizu join fencing club, peaceful post-grad life (the dream)
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a/n: ngl the thought of post-college life is tripping me out,,, im a junior in college rn and the thought of it just kinda doesnt?? exist?? also ive heard too much info from my friends' rants ab their engineering degrees and switching majors from mechanic to electrical back to mechanical engineering,, theyre fucking nuts
modern!mizu would prob be in the engineering sector of jobs
wooo stem baby (i am a digital marketing major i should not be talking)
bc hello?? money???
also let’s use that mechanical engineering degree to good use
she didn’t leave home for nothing
with her technical skills from eiji
modern!mizu would probably be a CAD engineer
CAD aka computer aided design
technically speaking, it would allow her to work from home or hybrid
and she can easily transfer her mechanical and on-hand knowledge to a digital format
like she’s smart yall
she just got some troubles w procrastination
but dont we all?
(coping so hard)
this job would also allow her free time and flexible hours to do her job
and i feel like modern!mizu opts for a good work-life balance
if she wishes, she can take the day off snd just go out with u or go to the gym
the freedom of choice while staying comfortable at home?
sign her tf up
she can have her tea time, gym time, spending time w u time, and her self care time
the self care in question: enjoying the silence
and realistically, its a well paying job thatll keep her and u afloat while helping eiji financially if need be
modern!mizu hopes her work and smarts can help her provide for others and herself
its ab time she doesnt let herself depend on a man for money
yeah thats a fuck u to u, m*k*o
shes made the mistake once
shes not gonna make it again
just bc postgrad modern!mizu isnt in sports doesnt mean she’ll stop playing
she needs to get her exercise and movement some way some form
basketball with taigen
and always aim for the three-pointers
and is successful most of the time
and then proceed to aim for the half court shots
and fail most times
fencing with eiji whenever shes back home
she’ll def try to teach u
and its fun at first but
she wants to stretch her wings out
modern!mizu would prob join a fencing club
it would be a great for her to fully practice and spar
not just against her old man
or go soft w u
but also go against ppl her age
modern!mizu would move into a place w u
nothing grand but a small apartment where u could refresh and build the place to be ur own
ringo is a good friend
a true best friend she could trust
but it was time to move in w u
and not be wary of ringo hearing u when he comes home
modern!mizu would be more adventurous in hobbies
yeah she has basketball and fencing and her tea collection
but now she has a stable job
no need to worry about grades
and just to live life one step at a time
she would probably try out pottery with u
definitely practice her cooking with ringo's and ur help
all in all, a very patient life
(she deserves it)
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vmpiires · 5 months
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„𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆”
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: ̗̀➛ 18+ CONTENT!!!
: ̗̀➛ afab!reader, lil bit of sex, nun too heavy. teasing, some whimpering, dom!reader. not proofread so i apologize in advance for any mistakes if they’re made.
: ̗̀➛ art creds by;; separuhpuding. dividers are not mine, if you own these, you may claim them in comments.
: ̗̀➛ WORD COUNT;; 3.1K
: ̗̀➛ plot aspects inspired by;; @selfishdoll (good ass writer,, i recommend)
* dark mode recommended
* do not copy this plot. i’m perfectly fine with inspirations but give creds. if this plot his stolen in any way, the post will be taken down and you will be blocked.
𝐃𝐀𝐊𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 ✉️🖇️;; ngllll i was writing the smut in gym class. i was INTO it. but its nothing heavy…just a lil nasty nasty 🌚 this was my first time writing for choso BUT THIS MAN SO FINE. i hope ya enjoy ittttt
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you and choso were roommates. it wasn’t surprising. you both went to the same college, you were good friends. nothing was wrong with that. but you were wondering what went wrong…why the two of you drifted apart.
“morning, choso!” you beamed at the 5’11 male sitting on the couch, his violet irises looking intently at his paper, loosely holding the pencil between his fingers. “Smoke Break-Dance” by JID played quietly on the speaker beside the tv, you noticed. you smiled a bit. choso must’ve been picking up on your music taste…or it was conveniently playing and he didn’t realize.
the male finally glanced up at you, registering your presence and lifted his hand, replacing actual words.
you plopped down beside him, making the side you sat on sink downward underneath him. his violet irises dragged to their left to look at you.
“whatcha doing?” you smile.
choso could never get over your soft voice and playful attitude. it always made him feel like he was doing something wrong. was he too boring? was it the fact that he hardly had any energy to do anything at all and he just laid around majority of the day? he didn’t know himself.
“writing…” he said quietly. “writing a poem…”
a couple months into your junior year of college was when he told you he loved you. he couldn’t explain himself but that’s what he was feeling all that time you stayed with him.
when you came around, he had a weird feeling in his chest when he saw you.
‘this body is betraying me’ he thought. he thought it was odd to be feeling this way about a human. a woman at that.
choso was a bit possessive of you. he enjoyed your company but grimaced at the men that came into your vicinity. the male watched from a distance, swallowing his urge to burst into a fit of rage but it would completely ruin his calm image.
“it’s fine,” yuji shrugged, waving his hand at his big brother, “that’s your girl, of course you’d be upset at another dude talking to her. it’s completely fine. don’t get so aggy.”
choso was happy to have his little brother, yuji there to comfort him when we was too nervous to confront you about the situation. from simple situations like this all the way to why he had an odd feeling between his legs when he kissed you. he didn’t think the rod that hung down in his lower area would be used for more than just using the bathroom….until yuji said so.
your “first time” was pretty interesting. it consisted of choso asking you if you were okay or if he was doing it right, to which you replied “yes” each time followed by a moan. you were wondering if he had done this before but you chose not to get into it.
more time goes by and then that’s when you realized that you were drifting apart.
choso was pursuing a career in art. drawing realistic portraits, using his heaven sent abilities to make drawings that looked like davinci had created them.
you were attempting to be a nurse, so you were off campus a lot, spending time at other hospitals to do “hands on” learning. neither of you had much time to talk to each other, though you sent texts back and forth assuring each other that everything was okay.
choso’s pupils retracted, hearing the sudden news of you wanting to break up with him. it was like he was going into shock.
“don’t you understand how much it would hurt me to see you go?” he said, his deep voice breaking. you never heard him sound so broken before. the moment almost made you cry yourself. the male gently took your hands, his sad eyes looking into yours, searching for an answer. but there was nothing.
“Y/N please…” you felt his grip on your hands get a bit tighter. you kept your head down, avoiding eye contact with him to refrain from making yourself cry in front of him.
you were gone and that was the end of it. you left your favorite person with his heart hurting, making him feel like he had to throw up. it was like his whole world had went cold, now that you weren’t in it.
two years passed and you haven’t seen choso. you were starting to forget about him. there were some physical features about him that you forgot too…like the way he looked bored all the time or the fact that he always had his hair in two buns and occasionally letting it all the way down.
you went on about your day while choso was probably in his room crying his eyes out, falling into a depression.
you heard a knock at your apartment door. you were confused at first because you weren’t expecting anyone to come over and a select few people knew where you lived. you put on a pair of joggers after walking around in nothing but an oversized hoodie and a pair of ankle socks.
the moment you opened the door, a set of hands clasped onto your waist like a corset and pulled you closer to the owner of those said hands. you were pulled into a really tight hug.
you melted in this person’s arms. their touch, the way they smelled, their warmth…you missed it. your arms wrapped around them, returning that hug. you could feel your scleras burning as tears began to form in your eyes.
memories of choso flooded back into your mind like a tsunami consuming an entire city. salty lines of tears slid down your cheeks and you held the male a bit tighter than he was holding you.
“i’m so sorry, cho.” you cried. “i didn’t mean to hurt you the way i did. i didn’t know what i was doing and—”
you were immediately cut off by a kiss. you had a storm of emotions swirling through your body, your eyes traveled up to the male after he pulled away from you.
a tired smile was flashed at you before you heard him say something just above a whisper, his deep voice startling you a bit.
you forgot about that.
“don’t apologize.”
“but i left you alone for so long. you aren’t upset? you not feeling some type of way about me?” your voice shaking from your recent crying.
“no, i’m not angry.” choso said, his hand sliding down your arm to hold yours. “it’s been two years…and i waited until you were ready.”
“i was told that i should be patient and i shouldn’t try to hold you back.” he added but his words only made you cry even more. he waited for you? he could’ve found so many other women and he waited two years for you?
“why did you wait? you could’ve found someone else to replace me, you know that?”
the violet eyed male just shrugged. “loyalty. if you needed a century, i’ll wait for you.” choso’s loyalty was that of a dog waiting for its owner to return after being gone for hours on end.
having nine other brothers, choso knew what loyalty was and it was something he valued heavily. but most importantly, he valued you. your safety. everything.
“good job, cho!” yuji grinned as he threw his arm around the taller male’s waist. choso’s head swung around, his hair flowing with him and looked at the other, feeling a bit embarrassed.
“i knew you could do it.” he continued.
“why are you even here…?” choso queried, putting on his awkward smile. you just watched with a smile on your face as the pair of brothers chattered until it faded into playful bickering.
later that day, you and choso were at your apartment, in your bedroom relaxing after yuji convinced the two of you to hang out with him for the day. choso was reading a book called “The Art of War”. you enjoyed when he read aloud to you. even though you were getting a bit bored, you didn’t wanna tell him that.
you were getting impatient. needy even. you missed being so close to him and being touched by his hands that looked two times the size of yours. abruptly, the book closes before choso would kiss you passionately as if something had possessed him. his lips were pressing against yours. he didn't say anything, his breath was heavy. everything was blurry to him.
choso held you tight against him, his hands moving to caress your waist. he was no longer thinking straight. he kept kissing you. he was drunk off of the feeling. but he cared about your lips. they were soft and plushy. he couldn’t even remember the last time he felt something as good as this.
soon, his hands moved to your neck. he caressed your throat, tenderly. his head was swimming, filled only by the feelings he had for you. kissing turned into biting, and biting turned into licking, and licking turned into kissing again. his lips were everywhere on your body. all he wanted was you.
there was no talking anymore. only the sound of the two of you breathing. you were breathing fast, filled with excitement. the way choso was looking at you was driving you crazy. he wanted you just as much as you wanted him.
he was caressing you from top to bottom, his lips kissing every part of you. it was...perfect. he was yours, you were his. it made sense. what else did you need?
“you're so beautiful..." he whispered. “...so perfect.”
you felt his bare chest against yours. his body was hot. it felt incredible. you were lost in the pleasure, and there was no returning. it was too late to stop. choso wanted you and you wanted him. It was too good to be true. his hands were touching you everywhere, teasing you, making your blood pump faster, making you moan.
he made you moan loudly. his lips and tongue were everywhere. your whole body was shaking. everything felt amazing. every sensation was magnified by a hundred. the smell of his skin, his voice, his moans in your ear...it made you feel like you were going to go insane.
the male was holding both of your wrists. he was looking at you with lust. he didn't care about anything else. you were feeling so good you were unable to think anymore. your heart was pumping like crazy, your legs were shaking.
he kissed your neck, your collarbone, your breasts. his hands were everywhere on your body. he wanted you badly. he couldn't control himself. he was all over you. he didn't care if it was a little dirty. his hands were exploring every inch of your body, making you moan and scream loudly.
he took off your clothes while his eyes kept scanning your body. soon, you were both naked. you looked at each other's body with lust and excitement. you knew how right this was. nothing else mattered. all of your senses were focused on this moment.
the room was flooded with the sound of both your moans and your breathing. your body was hot, your mind was fuzzy. you were not yourself anymore. you were a different being, full of sensuality.
choso was looming over you now, looking down at you with burning passion in his eyes. he was holding your wrists tightly and staring at you, his muscles twitching, as if he was imagining what he'd do to you. you could feel his breath on your neck, your collarbone... you could smell him.
his fingers were kneading your skin, his hands were sliding all over your body. he wanted to possess you. he was devouring you, slowly, passionately, thoroughly. his hands were feeling you, exploring you, learning you. he was learning how your body was shaped all over again, to better pleasure you.
he was slowly moving his tongue against your thighs now, kissing his way up your body. your heart was beating faster and faster. you could hardly breathe. he was taking his time, but he wasn't playing games with you. he wanted you to enjoy this.
he was caressing your inner thighs, kissing them, licking them, making your legs shake. you couldn't remain silent anymore. you were overwhelmed by desire. he was in control, controlling you in the most delicate way possible, making you surrender to his will.
you began reaching down to choso’s lower area, gently caressing the length that he had been hiding from her. you bit your lip as you stared in awe and pure excitement.
he had no words. his lips were quivering as he stared at you. he was feeling you, feeling your desire. he wasn't thinking about anything else in this moment. he was in awe, in total disbelief. he was breathing furiously as he looked at your hand, moving slowly down.
he closed his eyes, unable to bear the intensity of the situation. a moment later, he opened his eyes, staring at you. his expression was intense. his face was flushed. he wasn't saying anything. all he could do was stare at your hand, moving so slowly up and down...
you moved your hand away for a moment, teasing your partner. choso couldn't help but moan loudly, feeling his heart pound so aggressively. he was addicted to your touch.
he looked at your face, still flushed, wanting to see you enjoying this moment as much as he was. your hand was moving up and down again, so slowly and... so seductively. it was too much for him, but you weren't stopping. you wanted to see him beg.
he could feel it. he was so close to the edge. his whole body was shaking, his breath was rapid. he was holding his breath, unable to control himself. It was taking so long, it was too much for him. he wanted you so badly, and you were making him wait. and you were enjoying it all.
he was so desperate, so hot, so ready to explode any second now. he was looking at you with pleading eyes.
"Y/N... i can't... anymore..." you heard choso mumble.
your eyes narrowed. he was yours, and you were in control. you were loving every second of it. you put your hand back on him and looked at him with a mischievous smile.
“wait a little bit more,” you said, still keeping your hand moving up and down. your free hand went to his mouth to stop him from talking. “be a good boy for me.” you added, with a sultry voice.
he was almost begging you to stop at this point. you were torturing him, playing with him. you had absolute power over him, and you loved it. you didn't want to give in just yet. you were playing with him, enjoying every second of it. it was such a thrilling feeling. you wanted him to suffer a little longer.
he was holding himself, trying to remain calm. the sensation was getting to his head. it was too much. he was starting to feel weak, his legs were trembling, and his hand was shaking.
he was shaking. he tried to move, to get away from your hand, but you were stronger. you held him tight. you were making him wait for your final touch, making him beg for it. he was so vulnerable, so at your mercy.
he was losing control, not able to think, not able to say anything. his breath was racing, his body was shaking, his mind was empty. all he could feel was you. your hand touching him, teasing him, driving him crazy.
choso was breathing heavily, trying to make sense of what was happening to him. he couldn't take it anymore. he turned his head away, hiding his trembling body. his body felt overwhelmed, so close to the edge.
“i can't... please,” he mumbled, his voice barely understandable through the moan. his eyes were closed tight, his face buried in the pillow.
you felt like the goddess of lust, controlling choso’s mind and body, as if he was a puppet in your hands. his voice, his breath, his body were all yours to control. you had broken him, and you were loving it. your whole body was shaking, just a lot less than his, but you still felt incredibly empowered.
you put your hand down again, but you didn't move it anymore. you kept it on him, looking at his face. “not yet,” you whispered.
choso was breathing fast, staring at you. his eyes were so full of lust, desire and love. he could barely move, his body was so tense, so close to the edge, shaking as if he was about to explode.
you were in complete control of his body and of his mind. you were enjoying this. watching him like this, looking at you, wanting you... it was delicious.
you could do anything you wanted with this weak and sensitive boy. literally anything. you could make him beg, you could make him shout. you could do whatever you wanted with him.
your hand was still touching his body. you kept looking at his face, drinking his expressions of love, lust and desire. you were loving watching him like this, enjoying your power over him.
you moved your free hand up to his face, caressing his cheek. you could feel his breath on your skin. he was trying so hard to remain still, but you could see he was shaking, his body so tense.
“don't move,” you whispered to him, with a provocative smile on your face. “stay still for me, boy.”
his heart was beating so fast. he was saying your name like it was the only thing he knew. he was looking at you, but he could hardly keep his eyes open. tears welled up in his eyes from pleasure. he physically couldn’t handle it but he wanted more of it. how could he resist you? you made him feel so weak in this situation. he felt dizzy. his entire body feeling numb.
soon enough, ropes of white substance spewed from his manhood and he was completely out of breath. choso laid down on top of you and you moved your hand away from him, putting your arms around him.
he’d kiss your lips gently before tucking his head into your neck and closing his eyes.
“i missed you so much.” he said quietly.
“i missed you too.” you replied before your eyes closed, falling asleep after your high died down.
𝐄𝐍𝐃.
⋆。࿇ ·࣭࣪̇˖ 𖦹°༅༚
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pray4byron · 3 months
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i meant to get to this a lot sooner but it slipped my mind as i completely forgot about it until i was scrolling through my posts so my apologies 😭😭
this was interesting to write for considering i’m not sure if husk or alastor would even want kids in the first place (more so alastor) but it definitely got me thinking!!
but anywho, here ya go, friend!!
Warnings: AFAB!Reader, pregnancy talk
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Alastor
Alastor isn’t a very kid-loving kinda guy, but he’s very traditional, so he decided to follow tradition, and let his power travel to the next generation
You both end up having triplets, two boys, and a girl!!
Alastor wasn’t entirely sure what to expect, but he didn’t think it’d be as challenging as it is, he originally thought his magic could help him through every obstacle and he is mistaken
Once his children are in his arms, his facade drops, his usual upbeat grin turns into a small, soft smile as he cradled them, stroking his daughters face.
Alastor is practically unfazed if they wake up in the middle of the night, as I headcanon he stays awake most hours of the night, so he’s in no rush to get the babies back to bed for whatever reason (But he will, dw haha)
Despite the fact that he’s an overlord, he really doesn’t do much, so most of the time he just stays at the hotel with the kids
He doesn’t understand the concept of playing with kids, especially when their in their first couple years, so when their just learning to stand he’ll play jazz music and swing his kids around the room with him as a way of dancing, hey, it’s a win-win, y’know?
If he does have to go out, he will most likely take his kids, but if it’s more than just a 10 minute outing — he does have Charlie babysit.
Like, if he’s going to the tailors, he’ll have two kids on each side of him, holding their hands softly, and the other kid on his shoulders, as they play with his ears (which no one else is allowed to do, not even you)
He doesn’t fully understand the concept of love, as you may or may not have guessed. He loves both you (his partner) and kids in his own special way, and he knows that, whether or not he’ll admit to someone outside of you guys is debatable, but he truly does love you and your kids.
He’s not very good at understanding his kids feelings, especially when their upset. For example, let’s say your daughter is crying over a boy in her teen years, first of all, he won’t hesitate to tear him the fuck apart, but he’ll sort of just stand their and watch her for a moment, wide grin as usual, but his eyes widen in shock before softening their gaze at her for a moment.
Anywho, about the powers, Alastor is eager for his kids to get his powers — even if it’s only one of them, as this is the first reason he wanted kids (which did shift a bit as time went on)
He is very precise with his kids about how these powers work, cause their strong, even if they had only gotten a small fraction of what Al uses, cause let’s be real, he’s fuckin’ tough
He explains how they can use these powers to their advantage, he also takes this opportunity to explain how a smile is a tool, so use it. No matter how they each individually choose how to use these powers, Alastor encourages all of his kids to follow their inner bliss, whatever that is
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Husk
Like in the last post with marriage, Husk really couldn’t give a shit, but if you want it, Husk is willing to give it a shot
But let’s be real, Husk was much more willing to get married then have kids
After some convincing, you two decide to try for kids, he realistically only wants one though, so don’t get your hopes up
You guys have a girl! (woohoo!)
Husk, like Al and the others I’ve written for in this scenario, he didn’t expect to love his child as much as he did
While you were asleep in the hospital bed a little after giving birth, Husk takes your daughter, and a part of him (on the inside) cries a little, he looks at her proudly, before pecking her forehead, silently vowing to fight for her forever
Husk doesn’t have a lot of time to help out with the baby, he doesn’t get a lot of breaks from the bar a whole lot, so…
But when he does get time to spend with his daughter? Their usually sleeping together.
Like Husk with hold her in his arms and they’ll lay there and snore together
Husk isn’t too sure how to bond with his daughter before she’s learned to talk but he makes it work
Once she’s old enough, sarcasm becomes a big part of him and his daughter’s relationship, constantly making fun of eachother and giving eachother shit haha
When she’s in her teens she starts to develop Husk’s powers from when he was an overlord, and he feels like he’s gonna shit his pants, but he keeps his cool cause he knows your daughter is hyped
He heavily advises to her to not use them out of fear she’ll get hurt, but if she really wants it, he’ll teach her the basics, he won’t go into the extreme shit, cause she’s young and he doesn’t want her to have more strength than control
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kazehita · 21 days
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hi! i noticed your recent post recommending the fic natural satellite and i think i've noticed other isat fics around your blog too. because of that, i was wondering if you had a list of recommended isat fics! i will admit i am not someone who just peruses around on ao3 but i love reading about these characters so if you have any recs, i would greatly appreciate them! thanks and i hope you have a lovely day :3
I love ALL isat fic - each and every one is so special and wonderful - but if I listed the whole archive that wouldn't really help huh... So! Im going to list just some off the top of my head., this is in no way definitive. Isat spoilers ahead - get all the way through the game and the secret before proceeding.
Big recommendation list below:
Additionally, mind the tags for each fic - I wont be specifying the content warnings here.
(don't just read the complete ones!!! Incomplete fic is just as delightful I promise :3)
Complete: Bloom - Level99Eevee Most people know it, it sits at the top of the tag! It's my every wish fulfilled for post-cannon moments.
Memories of defeat - dirtbagtrashcat Stuff in and immediately after the loops, fantastic extrapolations!!!! Very much Loop <33 I find this very grounded and realistic!!!!
Emotion Sickness - dirtbagtrashcat Post cannon fun/trauma with siffrin and the gang.
Memories of Touch - dirtbagtrashcat look i just really like their work sjkdjkfjkasdf its all good go through their profile. This is Isa thoughts.
And if I were not myself, would this be easier? - rabbit_soup Post-game! I love how they flesh out the world.
The Understudy - kittyorange Suuuuch a loop fic I love it to bits. Post cannon loop and the gang stuff.
Star-Speckled Skin - Lora_Blackmane Funn angsty moment, title is very descriptive. Lives in my head rent free.
Clinging to dying embers - Coffeewolf67 Odile's perspective of sif using the dagger. appropriate content warnings apply :)
between the end and a new start - glowingjellyfishtreelights SICKFICCC I had a very funny experience with this one where due to memory mishaps I got to read it for the first time twice! Absolute banger.
What's in a name? - Raaj Explores siffrins love of plays. I have to regularly reread this for my brain to function.
Starstruck - Dusk_Illusionist Isa yearns. The fic. It rocks.
Saturn Devouring His Son (Time Choking on Stone Choking on Blood)- BasilPaste Post cannon moment... I like it...
(Why) you can't let them know by Mayasynth sasasap fic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i like it. i hold it. i like it. UGH theres more but I have already listed so many.. my other favorites... im so sorry.,.. i love you guys too... Incomplete:
How To Rest by rabbit_soup Sequel to "And if i were not myself, would this be easier?" Loop is here and I love violence.
TRY IT AGAIN, CHEATER! by discatded "[Loop returns to their own universe after everything. It's hard.]" - from the summary. Love it love it. I will never get enough of this premise.
To Extend our Reach to the Stars Above by Cinnamin_Is_a_Star "Sif if he was team rocket" and is so fun. Very excited to see this one pan out!
until we move on. by Anonymous (also known as lozy) LOOP MY BELOVED..! loop returns to their universe and promptly looses it like the universe intended. Cant get enough of it.
Natural Satellite by dirtbagtrashcat If a single fic makes me the Most insane its natural satellite if I'm honest.... like bro... It just gets right to me...
Sunder by Miranda_tries_their_best Post-cannon Loop fic!! They travel on their own for a bit (but not forever), and I love it dearly.
Face the Light by Kaimiiru Post-game, I hold it close to my heart.... Ah... It's so dear to me.
These next two are sloop so if that's not your thing you have been warned :]
raconte-moi qu’on puisse crier tout bas by bibliomaniac I'm holding this high above my head so everyone can see it the characterization is off the charts.
To Cut You Open With a Knife and Find Your Sacred Heart by Hexea_Art Changeling Loop fic!! What a fun concept. I am excited to see where it goes. yay! AGAIN... THERE ARE SO MANY I LOVE SO MUCH but im forcing myself not to look through the tag else I'd add everything. Honestly, I do recommend just launching right on into the ao3 tag for ISAT even if you aren't super familiar with ao3. Just be sure to filter out anything you don't want to see!
Consider this a good starting point ^^
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takeme-totheworld · 5 months
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Aziraphale and Forgiveness, Pt 1: Not Just A Word
This series is now complete! Here's where you can find the other parts.
Part 2 here. Part 3 here. Part 4 here.
There are a lot of aspects to Aziraphale’s character that, when I first watched the show, I vibed with immediately without really thinking too hard about why. He just made deep emotional sense to me as a character. It wasn’t until I waded into the fandom that I realized how much metaphorical ink was being spilled over the question “Why does Aziraphale do the things he does?”
I would always think, “Well, that’s obvious, isn’t it?” but then find that I didn’t really have the words to explain why I thought it was obvious. It was just this ongoing feeling of “Well sure, that’s exactly the kind of thing I did/would have done as a born-and-raised evangelical teenager.” But then I would try to articulate the actual reasons younger-me would have had for doing the thing (and by extension, what I assumed Aziraphale’s reasons were) and immediately fumble because I hadn’t thought it through that far.
One of these elements of his character is his whole deal about forgiveness. Why is he always telling Crowley he forgives him or wishing for God to forgive him? Why is forgiveness one of his favorite things? Why is this such a prominent theme with his character?
(Me: Well, that’s obvious, isn’t it? Everyone else: What do you mean? Me: …uhhh well I definitely mean something, but yes, good question!)
So here’s my attempt at actually using my words to explain why I find this aspect of his character extremely relatable and realistic from an ex-religious-fundie perspective. And it's going to be in multiple parts because I have way too much to say.
The main point I want to make in this first part is that Aziraphale, like Crowley, has a ton of emotional baggage around the subject of forgiveness.
I see a lot of people ask things like "Why isn't Aziraphale more sensitive to the fact that forgiveness is an emotional hot button for Crowley, who fell?" And that's a fair question! But it's very clear to me whenever I watch the show that forgiveness is also an emotional hot button for Aziraphale, or else he wouldn't keep bringing it up. As with many of the things both characters have issues around, though, with Aziraphale it's less straightforward and less on the surface because of the amount of denial and rationalization his character runs on.
I think it's important to start here, because I firmly believe that when he expresses forgiveness:
He's not saying it glibly or meaninglessly.
He's not saying it because he's an angel and it's part of the brand/that's what angels are "supposed" to say.
He's not saying it because he's feeling smug and self-satisfied*.
He's not saying it because he's trying to put himself above the person he's forgiving.
He's saying it because forgiveness means something important to him, something very emotionally loaded and complicated.
*For the record, Aziraphale is 100% a smug, self-satisfied, holier-than-thou bastard sometimes. Exhibit A:
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Seriously. Look at how pleased with himself he is while he gives Crowley that little speech about evil containing the seeds of its own destruction. This is Aziraphale being a smug bastard. (I say that with affection. It's one of my favorite Aziraphale moments. But he's totally talking shit here.)
But compare that to these:
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Look at his face. He is not feeling pleased with himself (or anything) in these moments. I'm too low-tech to mess with video clips but it's the same with his tone of voice, which ranges from somber to devastated depending on the specific scene. Aziraphale brings up forgiveness when he's experiencing significant emotional distress.
This is already super long so I'm going to end this part here and start digging into what I think his specific damage is about forgiveness in the next post. But I wanted to start here because I've seen the take "Aziraphale is being a superior holier-than-thou prick when he forgives Crowley" several times.
(ETA: I’ve also seen the more positive take, “Aziraphale is just saying I love you the way an angel would,” and I also disagree with this because I don’t think it’s anywhere near that simple. But I digress.)
On the “superior holier-than-thou prick” interpretation: (1) Michael Sheen's acting choices in these scenes don't bear that out at all, and (2) as someone who was raised in a very toxic religious community from which I inherited a lot of Extremely Complicated Feelings about forgiveness that I'm still grappling with...I immediately saw a kindred spirit in Aziraphale in these moments.
Is it an ill-advised thing to say to Crowley of all people, especially that last time? Obviously. But is he being purposely cutting with his words when he says it? I think not.
Stay tuned for Part 2! I plan to write the next part about divine punishment and mercy in Good Omens, how powerless all the angels and demons in this world really are, and the beliefs Aziraphale has developed (especially about forgiveness) to cope with it all.
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potofstewie · 1 year
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Approval? Not a Chance
Hey y'all! This is one (3/5) of my submissions for @renhoeku's Rengoku Birthday Month Collab. If you wish to join, then please check out their post regarding the collab! This fic was somewhat inspired by THG:Catching Fire. I wanted to write about Kyojuro from a slightly outside perspective using reader and Shinjuro.
Things to know: angst to comfort, established relationship, platonic!Shinjuro
W/C: 3.1k
not proofread and uploaded at 2am so i apologize for any mistakes
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Kyojuro anxiously fidgeted with the hair tie in his battle worn hands, his worry filled gaze looking in the mirror. Today was a very special day, an extremely special day. Today was the day that Kyojuro Rengoku, your loving and wonderful boyfriend, would finally introduce you to his family. 
Finally putting his hair into a neat ponytail after three failed attempts, your boyfriend sighed softly; wondering how the day would go. He knew that Senjuro would love you, he’d always ask about you in his letters while Kyojuro was away or pester him when he was home. Senjuro was fine. The issue resided in his father. He had brought you up only three times to his father in the past; the first time was to ask for advice on how to ask you out which didn’t turn out too well. All his father said before turning his back to him was a simple yet stern, “My advice? Save her the trouble of dealing with you.” 
The second time was when he informed his father about his successful mission in calling you his girl. The Rengoku senior’s response? “She must be stupid.” It took a bit of willpower and strength for Kyojuro to stop his hand from connecting with his father’s face. The third and final time? Just yesterday when he told him about you coming over to meet. As per usual, his father’s response was nothing but negativity. “Don’t embarrass her, Kyojuro.” 
Whatever that meant. 
With that thought, Kyojuro huffed in slight annoyance as he smoothed out his hakama. He didn’t expect his father to be the cheerful and passionate man he once was, he didn’t expect him to converse with you as if you were his very own daughter. All he wanted, truthfully and realistically, was for his father to say a short greeting and go back to his room. “It’ll be fine. She’ll be fine. I’ll be fine, we’ll be fine.” Kyojuro muttered softly as he watched his eyebrows relax in his reflection, thinking back to when you told him that his eyebrows were one of your favorite things about his body. 
A soft knock resounded on his door, the even softer voice of his brother followed. “Anuie, um, are you ready?” Dear, Kami-Sama. This was the fifth time today that Senjuro had asked him if he was ready, the first time waking him up from his sleep. Kyojuro beamed as he opened the door, incandescent eyes drinking in his brother’s contained excitement that filled his face. He loved his brother, and he absolutely loved how much he loved you. Even though Senjuro only knew you from his letters, it was obvious just how much you meant to his little brother. Senjuro would often dream of you, hugging him and brushing his hair; all the motherly things he didn’t get to experience. 
“Now,” Patting Senjuro’s head, he walked past his brother and closed the door, “I’m ready.” A giant smile instantly grew on Senjuro’s face as he followed his older brother to the front gate, happiness radiating off of his small frame. As Kyojuro fixed the zori on his feet, Senjuro gave him a small blue box; golden koi fish and cranes decorated it. 
“This is for her, Anuie. Make sure to not eat it before you get there.” Senjuro warned, evoking a hearty laugh from his Anuie. Senjuro didn’t understand what was so funny. He was finally gonna meet you and he wanted to make a good first impression but his brother thought this was a laughing matter! 
“I feel like you’re more excited today than me, Senjuro. If I wasn’t so wise I’d even say you’d wanna date her!” Seeing Senjuro’s face dawn a bright red shade, Kyojuro folded his arms in amusement and understanding. “Don’t worry, she already thinks highly of you. And I’ll make sure to not eat your gift. I promise.” 
Senjuro simply nodded before shooing his brother onto the street. “J-Just hurry up, I still have a lot to do in the kitchen.” And with his brother’s final words, Kyojuro embarked on his journey to your house, heart fluttering with both excitement and worry with each step. 
Shutting the door behind his brother, Senjuro released a small sigh, anxiety running through his veins. He truly wanted today to go well, he didn’t want you to run off at the sight of their broken family. Turning around, Senjuro jumped in surprise as he saw his father lean against the wall, sharp eyes gazing at the door. “Father, you startled me, I didn’t expect you to be there.” 
“She should just dump him.” He said gruffly, crossing his arms. Senjuro blinked, taken aback by his father’s words. 
“What- do you mean, Father?” He inquired, nervous hands gripping his hakama. Shinjuro grunted before walking off. 
“She’d be better off if she stopped wasting her time with him. All he’ll do is bring her down.” Was all he said to a shocked and albeit hurt, Senjuro. He knew about the opinions his father held against his sons and was familiar with them every time he went on a drunken spiel, but to hear him say that regarding his older brother’s lover was something he didn’t expect. Sighing and walking towards the kitchen, Senjuro just hoped his father was wrong and that things would work out.
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Kyojuro  released a soft chuckle at the scene that unfolded before him. Next to him on the edge of the engawa, you looked at Senjuro with so much patience and care as he stuttered in trying to converse with you. His face was beet red as he tried to share with you his hobbies, the boy’s eyes looking anywhere but you. You, on the other hand, thought it was all adorable; seeing a miniature Kyojuro all bashful and shy, the complete opposite of the actual Kyojuro. 
The day so far had gone as smoothly as any of you had hoped for. Although you were a bit disappointed in not meeting Kyojuro’s father, you did understand their situation and sympathized; who wouldn’t go in a depressive state after losing the love of their life? In fact, if you were being absolutely honest, you’d probably be stuck in such a state if Kyojuro died. Then again, you were also a bit grateful that he hadn’t appeared all now; the memories of Kyojuro informing you of his father’s stern demeanor entering your mind. 
Taking another sip of his tea, Kyojuro watched with love filled eyes as you softly reassured Senjuro and patted his head; the young boy nearly crumbling at the action. He knew the two of you would get along perfectly, but not this perfect. You being in the Rengoku estate was like a new light had entered a dark and damp cave, warming up the cold earth. For the first time in a long time, his home felt full, complete, put back together. 
“Y-Yes but if I had to choose, pickled plums would be- father!” Senjuro’s explanation was cut short as the abrupt arrival of their father sucked out the air around you, the once engulfing warmth being replaced with mind numbing coldness. Kyojuro whipped his head around to see a look of absolute disapproval in his father’s sharp features; his eyes looking at his eldest before resting on your now nervous façade. Standing up, you wiped your hands on your kimono before bowing. 
“Rengoku-Sama, i-it’s a pleasure to finally meet you. I am-” Your nervous introduction was cut short by Shinjuro, his battle worn hand raising itself to stop you. Your breath hitched at his motion, what if he already hated you? Was it because you wore the wrong attire? Or was it simply because he was one of those old men that didn’t think those younger than them should speak out of turn? Oh, Kami-Sama, you thought. Just let him be upset at my attire and nothing else. 
“I know who you are. I’m only telling you this for your own good; you’re making a mistake.” He stated, sharp incandescent eyes swimming with multitudes of emotion. As you slowly processed his cryptic words, you began to dissect the mixed look he gave you. His face carried nothing but annoyance but his eyes, his eyes held worry, nostalgia and..sorrow? What did he mean by this? Surely, he meant that it would be a mistake to love someone with a higher, more noble status than you, right? Sucking air through your teeth, you watched as Kyojuro asked the very question on your mind, confusion and barely hidden hurt laced in his eyes. 
“What do you mean, Father?” He asked in an abnormally soft voice, searching for any hint or answer in his father’s features. He didn’t understand. His father barely knew you, just your name and that you make his son trip over his own feet and disrupt his concentration breathing by giving him a simple smile. You held so much power over him and that wasn’t a bad thing, right? His father was like that when his mother was alive, hell he was probably a bigger love-sick fool than he let on. 
“I meant what I said. She should be smart enough to figure it out. You know what we are, don’t you y/n? You understand perfectly and you’d be a fool to do anything but follow my words.” He said gruffly, eyes searching your face for the moment you figured it out; the moment you met him on the same wavelength. Without waiting for a proper response or question from any of you, Shinjuro left the engawa, leaving behind the three of you in a perplexed stupor. 
With a slight frown, Kyojuro stood up and bowed. “I’m really sorry, y/n. My father he- you shouldn’t take his words to heart, he’s just-” Sighing and admitting defeat for lack of reasoning, he sank down to the wooden floor once more, a reassuring smile on his lips and saddened eyes resting on the sunset before turning to you, rough hands encasing your own. “I just didn’t think he’d leave his room. But never mind that, I should take you back home now, before it gets dark.” 
You gave him a slight nod and that soft smile he absolutely adored, your heart banging with twinged sorrow and hope. At least he didn’t think lowly of you and went into a drunken rage. Senjuro rested his hand on your shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. “Anuie is right, father’s words can get a bit jumbled up when he's not all there. I’ll go pack you some snacks to bring home.” Shooting a narrowed gaze at his elder brother, his next words were laced with a cold warning. “Do not eat them on the way there, Anuie.” Hissing his words to his older brother, Senjuro quickly left for the kitchen, his eyes not leaving his brother until he was out of view. 
Chuckling, Kyojuro rubbed the back of his neck. “He really does cherish you, I’d say he likes you a bit more than me!” You released a quick, short breath, humoring your boyfriend’s comment as your mind traveled elsewhere. You knew what his family was, what they were known for by those who did the same line of work. You knew and saw the potential dangers Kyojuro’s occupation entailed; evident by the couple of nights he would stumble into your home battered and bruised. You thought it was amazing and down right inspirational, seeing your boyfriend carry the torch from his father and ancestors with pride and dignity. At times you even envied him, possessing practically unlimited stamina and burning passion to fight for the weak. 
Getting up, Kyojuro outstretched his hand for you to take, helping you up with ease. “Let’s get going, Sunflower. I can carry you all the way home if you wish.” Kyojuro ushered, gently pulling you along but stopping as he felt you stay in place. You had a hunch, based on Shinjuro’s words. He was a stern man, and from what Kyojuro had said about him from when he was a child, one that upheld a code of honor and justice. He and his wife were together for a while, managing to have two wonderful children in their time. His mother must’ve fretted over her husband every time he was out on a mission. Could that be the reasoning behind Shinjuro’s cryptic yet crystal clear words? Was he asking you to not be worried over his son?
“Kyojuro, wait, please.” You said, your short spell of silence finally broken. With a cocked eyebrow, Kyojuro looked at you with curiosity and tender love.
“Hm? What is it?” You let go of his hand as you dithered, the warmth leaving your hands as you were unsure how your request would come off. 
“I wish to speak to your father,” Kyojuro’s face quickly morphed into one of utter confusion and bewilderment. “It’s just for a moment and then we can go.” You bit your lip as you watched the gears in your boyfriend’s head turn, clearly thinking hard about his answer. “Just show me to his room, I want to talk to him about something important.” 
“Regarding his words?” Kyojuro asked as you nodded quickly to his question. Looking down the corridor his father disappeared down, he sighed softly. “Alright, I’ll take you to him. But, I cannot predict anything he says so if he says anything brash, just ignore it.” He complied, grabbing your hand again before guiding you down the darkening hallway. Stopping in front of the closed screen door, Kyojuro knocked on the wood. 
“Father, y/n would like to say goodbye before we leave.” Opening the door, Kyojuro revealed to you a depressing scene; his father sitting and facing the darkening sky, his back being the only thing greeting you both. Entering the room, you shut the door behind you, a quiet yet clear signal that what you had to say was between you and his father.
Sitting down at the door, your senses soaked in the lingering scent of sake and the chill of the room. For a few pensive moments, it was silent. Shinjuro didn’t turn around as you shuffled closer and closer, finally stopping next to him. “Rengoku-Sama?” You called as you watched his sharp eyes continue to gaze out, not bothering to give you any attention. “Rengoku-Sama, you’re concerned, aren’t you? Concerned about me and how I’d manage if Kyojuro die-”
“When he dies. When.” He corrected quickly. “The damned idiot is destined to die early. It would’ve been one thing to die and not leave anyone that loves him behind but now you’re in the picture. And he’s an idiot for making you face such a possibility.” And with his last words, he looked at you, eyes swimming with sympathy. “I was an idiot for making Ruka worry every time I left, always waiting for a crow to tell her I died. I wouldn’t wish that on you. I don’t want that for you.” You blinked in slight shock, drinking in his words. “You seem like an alright person, someone that deserves the best, normal life possible. This isn’t normal. Having the one you love risk their life nearly every night fighting demons, isn’t normal.” He finished, fingers weaving and cracking themselves as he waited for your response. 
You had to admit, you thought about the daunting possibility of Kyojuro dying on a mission, worried to hear his crow tell you the news of him dying with honor. His work life wasn’t an ideal one, especially when considering the domestic dream you both shared. But, that’s also what you loved about him. How he was able to protect people from what goes bump in the night, to be able to stare right at the perpetrators of inhuman cruelty and live to tell the tale. How he managed to see terrifying scenes of men, women and children killed and blood splattered everywhere yet still uphold that tantalizing smile that seemed to warm everything around it. 
“I..understand what you mean.” You spoke softly, a small smile gracing your lips. “I get a bit afraid too whenever he’s away. I try not to think about it  but the fear is always there. I’ve also thought about the possibility of him dying as well and if I were to be honest, I might not take it too well.” Shinjuro’s eyes widened a bit, taken aback by your honesty. “However, I think that just goes to show how much I love him, don't you think? To love someone so much that them reaching the end of their short life span would be absolutely devastating. But, I think the manner in which he dies will make me feel very proud.” 
Your smile grew a bit wider as you looked out to the sky. “Kyojuro is a man who upholds a strong sense of duty and justice. He believes that protecting the weak from those that misuse their strength is his birthright and I admire him for that. He truly understands the weight his righteous mission brings on his shoulders. He appreciates the little things in life. So, for him to die in battle, would be the best way he could die.” Looking again at Shinjuro, you took in his slightly furrowed eyebrows; sake drenched mind trying its best to take in your words. “I’m okay, not being able to live a normal life with a normal man. I love the extraordinary aspects of life, I fell in love with an extraordinary man! And I wouldn’t trade that in for nothing.” 
Standing up, you brushed off your kimono, nimble fingers running over the detailed fabric. “Rengoku-Sama, thank you for being concerned about my future and worrying about what’s best for me. You truly are a nice person. But you needn’t worry anymore. I’ll be alright, I promise. Take care, now.” You said softly, finally leaving Shinjuro to his lonesome as you left the room. 
Hearing yours and Kyojuro’s footsteps recede down the hall, the elder Rengoku sighed, mulling over your endearing words about his son. He hadn’t really thought about it in that way; having death in battle be the most optimal and respectful end to his son’s life. Instead, he used to see it as a way to show how weak a slayer was, a way to show to the world how talentless the person was while alive. Shinjuro felt his lips curl ever so slightly at the thought of you. The once chilled room seemed to flood with embracing warmth as Shinjuro’s gaze fell on the lone headstone under the blue wisteria.
“Kyojuro really did choose a good one, right Ruka?”
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ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴛʀᴀɴꜱʟᴀᴛᴇ, ꜱᴛᴇᴀʟ, ʙɪɴᴅ ᴏʀ ʀᴇᴘᴏꜱᴛ ᴀꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀꜱ. ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛꜱ ɢᴏ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴏᴛᴏꜰꜱᴛᴇᴡɪᴇ™ 2023
Tags: @ledafox @yuuuriiinaa-chaaannn @gingerspicelattemix @mitsuris-pussy
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kikokus · 1 month
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Lucci and Kaku: An Analysis
I haven’t done long analysis/meta/essay-style posts in a while, but after seeing a comment that amounted to “every time Lucci’s shown an interest in something that doesn’t have to do with killing, Kaku’s involved” it made me think about whether or not that's true and, more specifically, whether or not there’s been sufficient build-up to justify what happens in Chapter 1111.
So let’s explore, shall we?
First of all, basic disclaimer that I’ve been heavily into One Piece since 2008 and Water 7 has been my favorite arc since the first time I read it that summer. Kaku, in turn, has always been one of my top characters in the entire series for various reasons…but this isn’t about him (at least, not entirely), so all of that is just to say that I’ve thought about these characters a lot over the years.
And I think what always struck me about them is that not only are they so fundamentally different, but that realistically Lucci should not tolerate Kaku at all. He’s pretty much everything Lucci’s not, and they’re more-or-less a perfect example of the ‘someone will die…of fun!’ meme in a lot of ways (and honestly it’s what I think of every time I see this card, but I digress):
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At the same time, what happened in the latest chapter didn’t surprise me, because there’s been hints all along, and I’ve personally been waiting years for it to pay off…even though part of me thought it never would, or at least not in the way it did!
Still, how did we get here?
But First, A Bit About 相棒
So. Why is the fact that Lucci calls Kaku his “相棒” (aibou) so significant? Mostly because of the…individualistic meaning of the word. It literally translates to ‘partner’, but not in a romantic/life-partner way (not to say that it has never been used like that, but it’s not the inherent meaning of the word).
Unlike words such as 友人 (yuujin), 友達 (tomodachi), and of course, with Luffy, 仲間 (nakama), aibou generally only refers to one person. You can have many friends, teammates, crew members…but only one aibou. So by calling Kaku that, Lucci’s already placing him on a different level to anyone else in CP9 or CP0 and acknowledging openly that Kaku’s important enough to him to have earned that distinction.
Which is why a lot of us were very excited about it, since this is not a common occurrence where Lucci’s concerned.
That aside, let’s get to the actual canon content.
Water 7
Obviously at the beginning we find out they both work at the shipyard, but that in and of itself isn’t entirely significant…until you consider that, since Kalifa is pretty much with Iceburg all the time and Blueno’s running the bar, the two of them are working in much closer proximity to each other than to the other CP9 members in the city. 
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The first real indication we get regarding their comfort level with each other comes in chapter 327 when Kaku gets back from examining the Merry and goes to sit down to explain what he’s discovered. Paulie’s the closest to him, but he actually ends up stepping past both him and Lucci in order to sit directly beside Lucci on the same level.
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It’s quite a while before we see the two of them alone again, and it doesn’t happen until chapter 339 when they’re speaking with Robin. Of course at the time we’re not supposed to know it’s them, but there’s really nobody else it can be since this is happening at the exact same time that Blueno’s talking with Franky and Kokoro at the bar. So, as will become fairly common, the two of them are again acting as a unit of their own within the larger group.
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And then, of course, we get the infiltration of the mansion prior to The Big Reveal (which I’ve spoken about before because for me it’s still the single greatest reveal in the entire manga because of how carefully crafted it is, right down to Kaku’s limited dialogue in this section being completely devoid of his usual speech quirks in the original Japanese text). Once again, Blueno and Kalifa are doing their own things while these two are working together.
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This panel has always been interesting to me because immediately prior to this Lucci says he can’t let Paulie live, and then he decides to just restrain him instead. In Luffy’s case it makes sense because they gave their word to Robin not to harm the Strawhats, but he has absolutely no reason to spare Paulie, and the little lines of shock/surprise beside Kaku imply that he hadn’t expected Lucci to do that, either. The ‘why’ is still unclear, but it’s interesting nonetheless, and it’s also…noteworthy that it’s the only thing Lucci asks Kaku to do. All of the actual damage Paulie takes comes from Lucci and he never asks for or expects Kaku to harm him.
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I never connected these two panels before but it’s obviously very deliberate to have Lucci telling Iceburg that feeling emotions is a sign of humanity followed immediately by Kaku…demonstrating exactly that and thanking Iceburg. It’s important to establish that part of Kaku’s character, but keep in mind Lucci’s lack of a reaction here because it’ll come back later.
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Again, very tiny moment, but there’s a lot of examples of Lucci deferring to Kaku or letting him take the lead without any hesitation, and I like this because Kaku’s noticed something that Lucci hasn’t and Lucci just goes with it immediately.
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I’d forgotten about this but Kaku’s also the one that decides to take Usopp with them, first by recognizing him as one of the Strawhats and then going through with it even after finding out he doesn’t consider himself a part of them anymore. And Lucci just…stands back and lets him give out orders to the others while doing so.
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Okay so this is what I was referencing earlier. Kaku shows actual emotions with Iceburg and Lucci’s silent, but the moment Kalifa gets even slightly happy about completing the mission he’s berating her instantly. Kaku’s expression here is interesting too because he looks absolutely haunted and it’s very telling.
And also another visual representation of Lucci and Kaku being equal to/on the same level as each other.
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I didn’t include the panel but Kaku was ‘sleeping’ when Corgi was giving them all of the information about Nero while Lucci was (seemingly) wide awake, and yet Lucci has no idea who he is and relies on Kaku to have all the information. Which he does.
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Kaku being the one to take charge again and direct the others even though Lucci’s standing right there. They do this more than I’d realized at first, especially since Lucci always seems to be looked at as the unofficial ‘leader’ of CP9.
Enies Lobby
We’ve made it to Enies Lobby, which is the first glimpse we get of these two interacting with the full CP9 group outside of any sort of ‘mission’ environment.
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Mostly it entails Lucci being more combative (especially with Jabra) and Kaku being more annoyed, but again I can’t really imagine anyone else taking this tone with Lucci and getting away with it while Kaku does it fairly often and Lucci never retorts or gets angry with him.
And while Kaku’s not immune to taking Jabra’s bait in the right circumstances, his typical tendency is to de-escalate situations if he can and here he’s refusing to engage despite being deliberately called out…and Lucci, without being asked, immediately takes his side and defends his choice.
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This is practically the next panel and while both Lucci and Jabra are kind of equally at fault for this little display, Kaku only berates Jabra for it while Kalifa’s directing her comments at both of them.
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Now that I’m actually looking for these sorts of things it’s becoming more obvious, but again we have Lucci and Kaku in an equal position to each other at the front of CP9.
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This isn’t just to Kaku since Kalifa’s there as well, but Lucci’s still encouraging them to eat the fruits and I have to believe it’s coming from a place of good faith because he’d know whether or not being able to swim is that big an issue in their profession. I also want to note that Kaku echoes Lucci’s ‘it’ll be fun’ line when he actually does eat his fruit, so obviously that resonated with him.
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I’ve put these two together because they both highlight the same thing, that being in both of these sequences we get almost all of CP9 giving out their individual thoughts/comments on what’s happening but Kaku’s statement both times is a direct reply to what Lucci says, so again the two of them are paired off in a way that doesn’t include anyone else there. 
The only other thing of note in this section is that while Robin’s talking about what happened during the Buster Call on Ohara, Kaku and Lucci are the only CP9 members to kind of…break formation and actually look at her while she’s speaking, which is interesting.
And for the rest of Enies Lobby they aren’t together so there’s not too much more to say here other than Kaku of course being the one to have the actual key to Robin’s cuffs, but it’s never made explicit who came up with that plan or handed out the keys so…if I ever actually do the thing and write a full analysis of Kaku’s character we can talk about it then Lark you’ve been saying you’ll do this for years IF I EVER--
Interlude - CP9’s Independent Report
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Besides the fact that this is still one of my favorite cover stories, there’s a couple of noteworthy things here, the first of which is that Kaku again is taking the lead. Even though he’s the only other CP9 member other than Lucci to be injured badly enough that he can’t walk on his own, he’s still the one directing them where to go.
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Other than that, I love seeing all of them just…interacting like friends and being very relaxed and casual, and pretty much every panel where Kaku and Lucci are together they’re directly beside each other so I’ve included a bunch of those here.
Dressrosa & Egghead
The next time we see Lucci and Kaku is at the end of Dressrosa, where they’ve been promoted to CP0 Oda can we please get some explanation of how this happened and let me tell you, I remember this vividly because the spoilers at the time just said that Lucci was talking to ‘someone’ and when the raws came out you can bet I went right to the dialogue to see if it was Kaku because his way of speaking is so telling.
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But even in this little scene, we can see they’re having an equal conversation and there’s a major difference between how Lucci’s speaking with Kaku and how he addresses Spandam mere seconds later.
After this we have the Reverie/Levely/what-even-is-this-thing-called arc where they get all of a single panel together and while it’s the first time we actually ‘see’ Kaku after the time-skip, nothing really interesting regarding their relationship happens, so let’s move on to…
The end of the colored manga! And Egghead.
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We start with a very familiar situation: Lucci asking Kaku what’s going on, and while Kaku this entire arc seems more outwardly annoyed with Lucci than he ever was in the past (which is never really explained but then again, Lucci spends a lot of the arc doing things he’s specifically been told not to do, so maybe it’s understandable…), he still has all the information and relays it.
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Though Kaku’s also much more comfortable letting his real personality show despite them being on a mission while before he was always completely serious after the Water 7 reveal, especially around Lucci. It came through with Zoro and Jabra but during the cover story he’s smiling and laughing a lot with Lucci right there so it makes sense he’d be more willing to let his guard down even ‘on the job’ by now.
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So here’s the first real instance of Lucci showing concern for Kaku, something which escalates pretty quickly throughout the arc. It’s subtle, and though he’s framing it as a suggestion to Stussy, if he didn’t care at all he wouldn’t have said anything. 
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At this point it’s fairly obvious that Lucci and Kaku don’t really have any authority difference between them and Kaku spends a lot of time in this chapter especially telling Lucci to Not Do The Thing. Anyone that’s ever lived with a cat knows how well this works.
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I’ve always found this bit of dialogue particularly interesting because Kaku’s very openly…praising Sentomaru for choosing his loyalty to Vegapunk over assisting the government, and there’s no way Lucci doesn’t hear him say this but he doesn’t say anything in return. There’s no real evidence that Lucci knows about Kaku willingly giving up the key to Zoro or how conflicted he was about Paulie and everyone else, but this seems to imply that at the very least, even if he doesn’t share those sentiments, he wouldn’t think less of Kaku because of it.
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Putting these two together since they’re in the same scene but at this point it’s not even subtle concern anymore, Lucci’s genuinely worried for Kaku and you can tell this caught him off-guard.
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Kaku’s the first one to suggest working together but Lucci immediately backs him up and goes with the idea. It’s logical in the sense that it’ll give them the biggest chance to survive, but willingly working with pirates isn’t exactly the sort of thing that Lucci, especially in the past, would have so easily done regardless of the situation.
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So at this point it’s becoming clear that this whole 4-v-2 section is supposed to be the most…light-hearted thing going on right now and a lot of it is played to be comedic, including Lucci’s inability to lie, but yet again there’s almost nobody else that could get away with scolding him the way Kaku’s doing here.
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…And then we skip ahead a day and things happen that I really hope get explained at some point because they seem important, but while Lucci’s never going to have impeccable bedside manner, he’s very concerned with getting Kaku to rest and while Kaku’s trying to justify what happened Lucci really doesn’t seem to care about that. It’s a big departure from him being willing to write off anyone he deems ‘too weak’ and it’s a nice character moment.
I’d mentioned on my liveblog that some of the things Lucci was doing after this point were confusing, but if you look at them through the lens of him wanting to protect Kaku, it makes a lot more sense. Yes, he’s deliberately keeping him out of the loop, but Lucci I think has decided that he’s going to throw caution to the wind and act alone since if Kaku can’t prove he knew about the plan, he’s probably safer being left with the Strawhats, and if the Marines show up he should be safe anyway or so Lucci thinks…
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When this chapter came out, I’d said something about Lucci being a hypocrite considering what the rest of CP9 did for him when they could have easily just left him at Enies Lobby, but given what happens almost directly after and likely what he’s trying to do with this entire fight, these words feel even less genuine…
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And that brings us to this. The moment that I’ve been thinking about for almost an entire week now. The moment that, looking back at…oh, wow…almost 3000 words of analysis maybe shouldn’t be as surprising as it was for most of us, but it does feel like the payoff for a long, long buildup that’s taken nearly twenty years to reach. Because really, there’s no other way to describe them other than ‘partners’, and probably hasn’t been for a long time…and I’m so glad that Lucci acknowledged it.
To summarize, I think what surprised me most about re-visiting all of this is how much the manga has framed them as equals since the beginning even though it was never explicitly stated between the characters themselves. Lucci’s always been far more lenient with Kaku than with anyone else, and Kaku in turn has never had any fear of Lucci even if he wasn’t really expressing his true self with him for a long time.
The cover story being the turning point makes perfect sense, and the progression throughout Egghead of Lucci being more outwardly willing to show his concern and Kaku not hiding his emotions at all seems like a natural progression of their relationship and their level of comfort around each other.
And the fact that Oda is never really…hitting us over the head with any of it until that final moment when Lucci says everything so plainly because Kaku’s life is the most important thing to him even when faced with a literal monster… It’s so effective. 
I don’t know where we go from here. To be honest, I’m kind of scared of where we go from here. But regardless of the outcome, I hope this little essay has been at the very least interesting and perhaps allowed you to look at these two in a different light.
Thanks for reading.
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hesbianyaoi · 1 year
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Vash's Prosthetic Arm: An Anatomical Analysis
As stated on my previous post, please take what I say with a grain of salt & are simply my observations and theories. I am simply autistic about human anatomy and a bio student so I wanted to share my own finds with other fans who may be interested!
A while back ago, I made a post analyzing Vash's new prosthetic arm in Tristamp. It got attention, which I'm extremely grateful for, and as time went on and new episodes released, we got more information and shots of Vash's arm. As a result, the images and general info will be updated! Thank you for letting me ramble about this.
To rehash what I've said before: Vash's prosthetic heavily resembles the skeletal & muscular make up of a human arm, which I noticed because of his fingernails. Being a biology nerd, I thought about how these could play into how he moves and flexes his arm.
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Vash's hands include things like fingernails, lumbricals and various tendons that may seem odd or for the aesthetic, but many of them aid in flexing the fingers, stabilizing grip, grabbing and performing intricate delicate tasks! They're extremely important to have.
As said before, Vash's arm has no muscle, so these mechanisms in his arm would help him greatly in performing tasks like reloading, writing, and being able to have a strong sturdy grip on various objects. He even has a thenar eminence (the meaty part of your thumb), which allows the thumb to grab/pinch.
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His forearm and elbow are also extremely interesting, although different from a humans (eg: his ulna & radius staying supinated palm facing down), although feel free to take liberties whenever. All in all, these little details make for realistic and practical movement.
ALSO: I wanted to take time to point out Vash's reaction to being prodded at in ep 8. Most people theorized that he can feel pain in his arm, but I disagree with this for various reasons.
He most likely has something akin to nerves in his arm to allow him to feel/move, which I believe to be the median nerve based on the area Brad prods at. This nerve is responsible for motor skills and feeling sensations, and as all nerves it is an extremely sensitive area. Remember, prodding at an exposed nerve is extremely painful; a white-hot pain that burns.
And to correct myself, his arm also ends under the deltoid muscle like his original arm in Trimax/'98! The only difference is a shield / armor plate most likely used to protect his arm.
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So it's no surprise he reacts like this, although like I said: this is just an assumption to his reaction based on my knowledge of nerves and human anatomy! I just really love Vash's arm and how it's built, so I'm so excited to figure out how it works (if we ever do, hopefully!)
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nayatarot777 · 1 year
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how to connect to your intuition better
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this is an ice spice fan account
• pile one •
cards: 2 of pentacles, 6 of swords, page of pentacles, 2 of cups, knight of cups, the high priestess
your intuition is connected to your practical knowledge. you may trust your intuition easier when you make an “educated guess” about something (because you really do be knowing) or when you weigh out the probability of something happening. your intuition is also easy to connect to when you’re able to achieve some type of mental clarity or mental balance. when you don’t think too deeply into what your opinion is or how you feel about something. you just let the thought of the feeling come to you. this helps you to avoid overthinking what you think or feel. learning how to make use of your practical knowledge about certain things or people, and trusting yourself in making an accurate judgement or assessment of people and situations. when you give a grounded, “realistic” perspective to a situation, that is when your intuition is flowing the most. connecting to other people and feeling however tf you want to feel about them - whether it “makes sense” to feel that way about them or not. you feel the way that you do for a reason. choosing between how two different things make you feel emotionally is also how you can follow your intuition. which thing/person/option makes you feel more emotionally fulfilled than the other? literally following your heart space and your feelings - with patience. give your feelings time to show themselves to you so that you can follow them. be careful to not let anything external influence the way that you feel about things. you’re showing up as the high priestess, so most of you may follow your intuition without even realising it. on a subconscious level. you also have a huge amount of secret/hidden knowledge about how to make things work for yourself, too. i’m hearing that you should trust yourself and your own judgement. you’re smarter than you think. trusting knowledge that comes to you without worrying about where it may have come from will benefit you.
if you’d like a private reading, please check out my pinned post 💞
• pile two •
cards: 5 of pentacles, 5 of swords, 8 of swords, the star, king of wands, the emperor
you feel like you lack something in relation to your intuition. you may be the pile who struggles to feel anything when trying to connect to it, leading you to feel left out of having spiritual abilities or an intuition that you can value. you also have a lot of mental conflict, as if you’re trying to find some type of victory in “finding” your intuition. there’s a lot of deep and prominent fears and anxieties surrounding your intuition. you may be keeping yourself in a mental prison and i heard “about being wrong”. you may also feel vulnerable with opinions and thoughts or beliefs that are easily influenced. it’s like there’s a blockage in your mental space. as if you don’t observe thoughts and let them pass you by. you might hold onto the things that you hear about or things that you’re told, and that’s affecting your ability to listen to yourself. there’s some healing that needs to take place. and this healing is related to giving your own opinions recognition and importance. give your own thoughts the value that you feel like they lack. even if everyone else around you seems to value what they’re saying over you. why can’t you take the same stance? choosing to embody more confidence in what you believe that your intuition is telling you will help you to connect to it. you have to be self assured in what you know that you know, otherwise other people will trample all over your words and try to devalue your opinions and your judgement. the emperor is an archetype that accurately reflects you internally. i feel like you have a lot of intelligence about many different aspects of life, but you might not look like someone who would. so people underestimate you. that’s annoying. but you’re someone who is able to teach other people many things (when they’re willing to listen) and you also know how to listen to your instincts. continue to do that.
if you’d like a private reading, please check out my pinned post 💞
• pile three •
cards: 2 of swords, the sun, queen of wands, the tower, 3 of wands, strength
accessing your intuition requires you to ignore what you see with your physical eyes and to pay more attention to what your third eye is showing you. because often times, they don’t match up. everything seems okay on the surface but you feel energetically bothered. there’s always a reason for that, so don’t brush it off like you usually do due to your empathy or compassion for people. when people are sending you evil-eye, you know. when people are jealous, you know. when you’re at your happiest, you’re connected to your intuition the strongest. your creative energy is a very powerful energy source for you - especially your inner child. your inner child is the type of kid who peeps game every damn time. they’re too smart for people lmaoo 😂 also following what makes you truly happy means that you’re being lead by your intuition. when you receive inspiration, or receive a source of confidence from somewhere, you are deeply aligned in those moments. whenever you create something - no matter what it is. it’s like there’s a flow and a confidence that may not be found when you’re dealing with other aspects of life. your creations can give you many messages from the divine. i feel like most of you have an intuition that exposes what isn’t stable and secure. it’s not afraid to destroy what is already accepted by your ego and rebuild. your intuition could expose a lot of things to you that causes you a tower moment, whether you let it be known what you’ve been shown or not. it might open you up to many new opportunities in life that may not be easily or widely accepted by others. listening to your intuition seems to lead you to a bunch of tower moments - only to bring you to a better place in life after the dust has settled and you can move forward. being in control of your ego is indicative of when you’re connected to your intuition the most. your ego may try to argue against your intuition, but the part of you that continues to believe and follow what you’re hearing is the part of you that leads you to higher levels of consciousness and experiences in life.
if you’d like a private reading, please check out my pinned post 💞
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dreamcaught · 10 days
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Fandom has Critically Failed a Media Literacy Check: Thoughts on Ascended Astarion
TLDR: Yes, he's evil. Yes, he's still in love with you.
Okay so now that I know more about both Spawn and Ascended Astarion from personal playthrough experience, I have to say it's really weird to me how much the fandom is pinning them against each other. In all practicality, they're the same fucking person.
Astarion's non-romance specific lines are practically identical. If you're his friend with high approval, he's pretty badass, if a megalomaniac. His self-obsession and self-importance make sense in context, though, and they aren't even that much more pretentious than his earlier expressions of desire for power. It's just that he has the power now. He says he's happy, is excited to be prosperous in his own way, and continues helping you. He's no more cruel than he was before. I can't speak to low-approval lines because my games will always reach "Exceptional" levels of approval for my favourite party members, but I can't imagine them being any different than low-approval spawn lines.
On Love
When romanced, the biggest fandom criticism I'm seeing is this idea that Astarion no longer loves his romantic partner. I have been looking for evidence of this and can't find anything indicating its truth. The closest thing is a post-breakup conversation which, in my opinion, is a huge cop-out. Even still, it does not say anything about his love for you -- only your love for him.
"Of course I understand love. All too well. The greatest crimes committed in this world are committed for love. A hunger crueler than bloodlust. I know how to play with it, and I can't resist playing the hand I know. I would have ruined your love, used your trust until you were nothing. So, for what it's worth, I respect you for making the choice you did. I never knew you had it in you."
I can imagine these lines were written for a very practical reason: They don't want break-ups to affect game-play. An entirely evil Ascended Astarion would just swan the fuck off if his partner left him, and that's not fair to a player who just doesn't want to be in a relationship in-game anymore. This is different than if the character breaks up with the player, because that usually happens because of some sort of cruelty the player chose. Actively trying to kill him, failing to persuade him after showing support for his ascension, or kicking him the balls after agreeing to be his spawn are all actively mean on the player's part. (Or an unfortunate dice roll, but it is - after all - still a game.)
Having Astarion leave the player after he breaks up with you is a consequence of these cruel actions; having Astarion leave after you break up with him is a game-play issue. They can't realistically account for why the player would do so. So they've thought of a realistic reason for Ascended Astarion to stick around: he respects you.
But I also think this speaks to Ascended Astarion's character.
People like to point out the way he says love in this line, as though it is something disgusting - something beneath him. Yes, he probably hates the concept, hates the feeling of it. But: he didn't like it much when he first fell in love with you either, as a spawn.
And he's only felt it once before you broke up with him, so there's that.
Astarion is insecure, even ascended, and if the player speaks for him - tells him he can't love, says he is too cruel, his actions thereby will only justify those concerns. It is a self-fulfilling prophesy, but that is not a result of him not loving you; that's a result of you saying he can't.
Reflect on this: Of course I understand love. All too well. I would have ruined your[s].
He loved you. He loves you, still. He can't say he doesn't, even if he respects your decision to leave him. However, he also feels that love is ruinous. He has become an even darker, more evil creature than he was before, and he believes your connection to him would be destructive. Consider that you have just denied him what he wanted: you. His love for you has hurt him, so he feels that he would hurt you back. He gave his trust to you, and you broke his heart, so he maintains that the same would happen to you: that he would use your trust until you were nothing, like he is. That is Astarion's nature both before and after ascension, but it is not an argument to show that he no longer loves you. That is an argument to show that ascended Astarion is just as lost, insecure and retaliatory as he was when you first met.
On the other hand, if you do not break up with Astarion, there are copious lines which showcase his love and complete devotion to his partner:
"You sweet, sweet thing. I want what's best for you too, of course." (In response to: "I hope you learned to love me," he says,) "What's to say I don't? I'm willing to share all of this with you. What's that if not love?"
(In response to: "I hope we can work things out and stay together," he says,) "Of course we can. You're the one that I want, the one that I love... My dark consort. My right hand. My most beloved spawn."
("So what would I be? A vampire, or your spawn?") "You wouldn't just be some spawn - you're far more than that to me. We could be together for eternity, ruling this world side by side. We could have it all."
("It sounds like you'd have it all.") "I already have everything. Except you by my side."
These lines come from the conversation before choosing to become his spawn or breaking up with him. All of these responses explicitly demonstrate Astarion's love for the player. Now that he achieved his greatest goal to become his strongest self, his desire is to share his success with you. As a vampire, that means to become like him, to become his. In a very real but evil way, he is very obviously asking you to marry him. And he's being very honest about it.
I've seen a lot of arguments about these lines which pretty much come down to: he's lying. But, kindly, fuck off. That isn't an argument; there is absolutely no reason to think he's lying here unless you have already chosen to think he's lying, and that's just another self-fulfilling prophesy.
Astarion being evil does not automatically mean that he's lying. Astarion's voice acting here does not automatically mean that he's lying, either. Yes, he sounds different: he is more self-assured, more powerful, more arrogant - but he's not fundamentally different in his ideals or desires from his spawn self. There is no evidence to support the claim that Astarion is manipulating you or lying about his feelings to - what? Stay with you? Why would he? It is through this very conversation that he allows you to decide for yourself what you want to happen next, so trying to claim he's manipulating or lying to you here is shallow.
And at this point, people will bring up the wisdom check. Look, I have no idea why this check means that Astarion couldn't possibly love you or respect you. In fact, I argue that it's much the opposite: he respects the player so much that he thinks that they're degrading themselves to be with him. He thinks so little of himself that you are lowering your standards, lowering yourself, to be with him:
He will always see you as degrading yourself if you continue to be with him. But perhaps you wish to degrade yourself. And he knows it.
Your choice to become his consort is beneath you - not beneath him. Your wanting to remain at his side is not what you deserve because he thinks you deserve better: but he knows, at this point, that it's what you want anyway.
Dominant/submissive Undertones
"On your knees, darling." A lot of people feel uncomfortable with the new dynamic created when Astarion ascends. His relationship with the player is significantly more defined than it ever is when he's a spawn. This is true throughout a spawn playthrough, as well: it is only at the very end of the game, in the epilogue scene, that spawn Astarion confirms your relationship as fully established. Whereas with ascended Astarion, he considers you his established partner now - his eternal lover and consort.
The Dominant/submissive undertones created by the master/spawn dynamic makes some people argue that ascended Astarion is abusive, for some reason. But - no, it's not. Just - understand that actual abuse is a sensitive topic wherein claiming Astarion's dominant aspects are abusive is actually offensive to both people in D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationships and to survivors of real abuse.
But a few things:
Astarion is evil. Astarion is always evil. Astarion is chaotic evil as a spawn and more lawfully evil ascended. He is cruel with his words, has a twisted sense of pleasure and pain, acts selfishly and relishes in having power. He "has a casual relationship with murder," genuinely dislikes children/the weak, and legitimately does not care about most people. Ultimately, Astarion craves for control - over himself, over his life, and over others. But as Astarion learns in his own story arc: being evil does not mean he cannot love. These things do co-exist, and you are the exception. Your friends are like salads (side-dishes, add-ons, auxiliaries... they don't really count as much as the main course). So yes: he can be mean and he can be cruel - because he is, from the start, fairly evil. But since that's true for both spawn and ascended versions of him, this doesn't matter. You must accept this as part of his character; if you don't, that's on you, not the text.
Being dominant is not fundamentally abusive. There are countless real life examples of D/s relationships which are based on love and respect. These relationships are just as real and just as valid as any other kind of relationship. They are not based on abuse and should not be seen as such.
This relationship, as degrading and submissive as it is, is still based completely on consent. Astarion never forces you into your agreement, whereas he does thank you for it twice: "You have given me everything. Thank you." and "Gods, you're beautiful. And you will be beautiful forever. Thank you, for trusting me." Many people will see the subsequent inability to break up with him as abusive, but I must insist: he is very clear that this pact is eternal. That this is forever. If you break the consent of forever, then that's you being cruel again - not him.
On Possession
Another line he says in this post-breakup scene is this:
"And if we were beholden to each other? Well, how is that too different from being enslaved?"
In my opinion, this line is much more significant than the previous. It speaks to Astarion's tenuous grasp of relationships in general, but also how he views both himself and you when partnered.
Importantly:
"beholden to each other" is not "my ownership of you"
From the beginning of the game, he's using you and he's expecting you to use him. For Astarion, every relationship in his life has thus far been transactional. Every relationship except yours, which is the only one he wants to be real.
If the player breaks up with Astarion, the reality of this relationship is broken. He reflects on it once again as being transactional. He is no longer attached to you romantically, and so he strikes a business deal with you instead.
This devolution of Astarion's understanding of relationships does not happen if you choose to stay with him. He doesn't think of your relationship as transactional at all - in fact, he shows trust, devotion and reciprocation of possession and affection. He considers the relationship to be established and the most authentic one he's ever had.
Ascended Astarion considers his consort his "right hand," "by his side," -- these are just different, fancy ways of saying that you are his equal without saying it outright. He is as beholden to you as you are to him.
Astarion may be more open about his possessive tendencies toward his partner - but saying "my treasure," "my beloved spawn," or any other endearment with the possessive "mine" at the start of it isn't nearly so damaging as some people are claiming it to be. Spawn Astarion's "my love" is really no different. That Astarion is open and vulnerable with these endearments is just showcasing his trust in your shared devotion to each other. Think of it this way: you could very well be calling him something similar right back.
--
If you have not actually played an ascended playthrough - or, heck, if you haven't played the game at all and are making loud opinions about Ascended Astarion as a lying liar incapable of love or of Spawn Astarion being the better choice -- maybe stop. Maybe just enjoy what you like and let others enjoy what they like. Maybe practice some media literacy and note that Astarion is Astarion is Astarion - he's the same character, both beloved and hated by many, with virtues and vices that are compelling and flawed.
The writers have created a rich story. Understand that the story being told is the one being chosen by the player - whichever direction they choose to take it.
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