#i think i found my new fav chapter | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tojiwrd · 9 months

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5: fate is fickle ; gojo satoru

pairing gojo satoru x fem!reader

summary when satoru breaks off your engagement, you understand and accept it. but when he marries someone else, you don't understand because he didn't want to be tied down.

content warnings mentions toxic family, mentions of forced marriage, emotional infidelity, bad friends (:((), and i think that's it! lmk if i missed anything

word count 3.7k

a/n i think this is my fav chapter so far lov you guys sm thank you so so much for the support on this!!

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Spending more time with Suguru after months of occasional contact was easier than you assumed it would be. You, usually accompanied by Reina, would go to his art gallery in the evenings with a cup of coffee for yourself and him. It seemed too similar to old times, but you always chose to ignore the video reel of memories that pressed play as soon as you opened the glass doors to the gallery of how you and Satoru went there for the mere purpose of annoying Suguru.

This was one of the days your elbows were resting against one of the thin marble tables in the basement—which, you had to admit, was crafted to perfection to be Suguru’s space in his gallery—and mindlessly scrolling through your phone while he worked on his laptop.

“Yo.” You heard him call from his desk just a few feet away from you. “I have to run out to pick up a late shipment. I’ll be back in like—twenty minutes? You can stay here, we'll meet up with Nanami once I get back.”

Nanami Kento was another new addition into your life, and you’d be lying if you said he wasn’t the most exciting one. It wasn’t that you hadn’t heard about him before—you had, occasionally from Satoru who was his acquaintance back when they were classmates—but he was fresh and new which made it a lot easier to open up to him. You, Kento, and Suguru had plans for dinner tonight with Reina, too, who backed out a few hours ago because her mother had arrived from her month-long trip.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Go ahead,” you replied, sending him a small smile over your shoulder as he gave you a short wave, gathered his car key, and went upstairs.

You just continued swiping through your phone, replying to some text messages from earlier this week that didn’t particularly mean much. You’d spent the past few days at home to only sleep, choosing to spend time with Reina, Suguru, and Nanami. You had been in touch with Shoko, too, but hadn’t found a time to meet up with her since she’d gone abroad for an internship for a couple months. Still, it had taken you a long time before you finally began talking to the friends you had that were connected to Satoru.

You heard the small ding of the sound the system made when the door before the basement unlocks through the keycard and furrowed your brows. It hadn’t even been ten minutes since Suguru left, there was no chance he was back. It was followed by heavy thumps of footsteps going down the stairs, and you only had to see the black lace-up shoes to know who it was.

You wanted to scramble for your things and hide underneath a table, but you didn’t have enough time because Satoru saw you the exact moment his face came into view when he stepped on the third-last step.

“O—Oh. I didn’t know you were here.”

You tried to clear your voice, to pretend that this situation was no big deal. Of course, running into your boyfriend of three years and fiance for a few more months who broke it off with you on a random Tuesday was, in one way or another, a big deal. “He left to get a shipment. I don’t think he’ll be back soon.”

For some reason, for some fucking reason he walked closer to you. You had said that Suguru would take a while because you wanted Satoru to take the hint and leave, not so he could step towards you—closer and closer till you could look into that sea in his eyes almost clearly— and take a seat three chairs down from you. No. You didn’t want him near you, especially not after the night on the balcony.

“Guess I’ll wait, then.” His voice was honey. It was so smooth, so soft that your ears would feel warm whenever he spoke.

“You can just call him.”

There was always something you believed when it came to Satoru ever since he began pursuing you before your relationship: he was persistent. He would leave little notes all over your room that you’d find in drawers days after they’d been placed, asking you to go on a date, to give him one chance. Some notes, you found days after you went on said date with him, and that was when you realized how he truly was persistent. It wasn’t just when it came to you, though. When you, Satoru, Suguru, and Shoko went to a bar with an indoor mini golf area, it had taken all three of you to manipulate the ball’s trajectory when he wasn’t looking just so he could pass the hardest route. It was two in the morning and you were ridden with sleep—it wasn’t your fault. When Satoru put his mind to something, he almost always achieved it.

“No point. I’ll just wait—I haven’t seen him in a while.” Just as you knew, Satoru wasn’t backing down.

You didn’t know his motives, and you’d tried really hard to not dig deep into his actions to try to find out. Satoru always haunted all your questions, he was like a ghost within your body constantly testing you, trying to get you to question why he did what he did.

You remembered that you and Satoru were once a blank page, not an entire book that had come to a tragic, unfulfilling end. You tried to erase every word, but they were written in pen and the traces always lingered. So, the only thing you could do was close the book and keep it somewhere far from your sight, but you couldn’t do that when he showed up in front of you. Not as a ghost but as a person, reminding you he was still here, real and moving, and he had pieces of you that you would never get back.

“I’m leaving,” you murmured, deciding that you had the choice to leave it all behind. To leave him all behind. He could haunt you from within, but you couldn’t let him materialize once again into your life.

“Y/N, stop,” he said, arms reaching out to you when you walked past him to go to the staircase but stopping as though he realized it was wrong.

And you replied, “What?” because even though you knew you shouldn’t, a part—a big part—of you was still left in his car where he asked you for the engagement ring. A part of you still couldn’t let him go entirely because you were never good at leaving things behind.

“I want to… apologize,” he began, running his fingers through his unkempt hair. He lifted his hand when you opened your mouth, beginning to say something, and he said, “You don’t have to say anything, okay? Please, just give me five—two minutes of your time. I just need to talk to you.”

And like he told you to, you didn’t say anything because if Satoru wanted to talk for five—two minutes, then you would let him.

“I got married,” he said, as though he was in a daze within his own mind. You scoffed, but didn’t say anything. “And that… that was fucked up. You didn’t deserve hearing about the engagement three months after I ended ours.”

Although it was all true, although you had relived all those moments inside your head, hearing Satoru say them made them real. This wasn’t Reina helping you get over him, this was the him you tried to get over for months. It was humiliating knowing he knew exactly what he did, though there was no doubt he didn’t before this. He knew better than anyone how you felt without talking to you because he was there, holding your hand when a stray tear left your eye as if he was still yours.

You still didn’t say anything.

“I met Hana a month before I ended it with you.” You weren’t sure you could hear this. If somebody held a knife to your chest at that moment, you probably would still stand still, completely silent because there were no words left in your mouth. “I didn’t intend on getting engaged with her, Y/N. I meant it when I said I felt I couldn’t be tied down but—” He paused, as if he didn’t want to continue.

And he didn’t continue, at least for a few minutes that felt like long, grueling hours.

“But she was new, and I hadn’t felt that… newness for so long. Not since I’d met you. And she said things, Y/N, that made me think we couldn’t get married, that we couldn’t work.” His eyes looked at your face, and it was equivalent to a thousand needles piercing your skin because he waited for you to say something, to agree? But you couldn’t, not even after he had broken you completely and left you on the side of the road like you meant nothing. Because in your stupid, twisted head, you could have worked. If he wanted.

He continued, taking your silence as a cue. “When I ended it with you, I—I didn’t want to. I swear. You deserved better, and I realized that I didn’t deserve to be anywhere near you. I couldn’t look at you without feeling guilty about the second-thoughts I was having because another girl made me rethink.”

This wasn’t what you expected today, was the only thought swirling through the tendrils of your mind.

“You don’t have to say you understand because I don’t either. I’m not sorry for ending it with you, Y/N, because you didn’t deserve me after all I did, after all I thought about us. But I am sorry for lying to you and, in a way, making our relationship seem meaningless because you probably thought I moved on too quickly.”

“You did,” you said, surprising yourself with the finality of your words. But you couldn’t take it back now that you had made yourself an almost-coherent member of this conversation.

“What?”

“You did move on, Gojo. Too quickly. I don’t think that, I know that and you do, too.”

He tugged his lower lip between his teeth, and you looked anywhere but at his downcast face. It was hard to admit it to him because you couldn’t stop your words, not when he was piling on brick after brick preparing to tumble it all down with you on the other side. If you stayed there any longer—

“I liked Hana then, but the marriage wasn’t what I expected.” You leaned back against the wall, placing some more distance between the two of you. Satoru seemed as though he was clutching at the flimsiest of straws to keep you there, to let you let him talk. “My father—he pushed for it and after losing you, I didn’t fight against it. I thought a marriage like this would hurt less than us getting married and—”

“And what?” you prompted.

“And having to end. I don’t know—I didn’t want us to fail, Y/N.”

You smiled wryly, understanding there was nothing more left for him to explain. “Okay.”

“Okay? That’s… it?”

“I didn’t question why you did what you did before, didn’t try to get answers. I’m not going to change after you’ve given me those answers I never asked for.” At that point, you were looking to find any words to make a swift exit, but you still remained rooted in your spot.

He sighed, fingers reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “You’re saying you would rather not know?”

Of course, you wanted to know, but you had kept yourself from looking for answers. You knew that whatever ran below the surface of Satoru’s flimsy, no-good, unbelievable reason to end your engagement would hurt, and you were always good at taking what he said at face-value. Obviously, you were right but that didn’t grant you the satisfaction of a person whose beliefs were just proven right would.

“I’m saying I’m over it, Satoru.” Your voice was convincing enough. "And if you want a successful marriage, maybe you should tell your wife that you got involved with her while you were engaged to me. I'm not the only one who you should be apologizing to."

As soon as you turned your back towards him and headed for the stairs, the door on top clicked open and Suguru gave you a wide smile and wave when he saw you on the other end.

It was funny, real fucking funny, how on a random Tuesday, every question that had plagued your mind like a ceaseless tornado over almost two years was answered by the harbinger of pain himself. You had been so deeply lost in your own soul, and even a person drowning felt uneasy when pulled back up into the air. Satoru pulled you out and now, he stared at you as if he was a friend who offered you a single piece of a chip because you were starving while he ate an entire packet of it. You weren’t sure how he felt but, with the way he looked at you, you were sure that some immature, adolescent part of him that’s growth stunted in middle school truly believed he had done you right. By telling you the truth two years later.

You didn’t notice Suguru had walked down the steps and taken notice of Satoru and was now flashing his eyes between the two of you as if you were a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. You weren’t.

“Satoru, man. What the fuck are you doing here?” Suguru asked, and you should’ve made your way up the stairs and away from them but you stayed put. Your mind somersaulted, making excuses for yourself to yourself that you had plans with Suguru anyway, and you would leave with him once he makes Satoru leave.

“I just wanted to hang,” Satoru replied, shrugging his shoulders.

Suguru inhaled a deep breath and you could see the corners of his ears turning a dark, angry shade of red in annoyance as he stared his friend down. “Just leave for now, dude. I’ve got plans.”

You didn’t look at Satoru, but you felt his gaze on you as his footsteps reached closer to the stairs. You moved, not wanting to have any unnecessary contact with him. As he reached you, he halted his steps and looked at you and you could have buried yourself right then into a hole because you hated this.

“I know I’m not in the position to ask for anything but I want to tell you, again, that I really don’t want you to hate me. We don’t ever have to talk again, if you don’t want to, but please don’t hate me.”

You looked at his eyes, then stared at him for a moment longer. You laughed, it was bitter and held a certain form of venom you had never shown Satoru, at the sincerity in his features. “Say what you just said but slower, just so you can also comprehend how utterly senseless you sound.”

A hint of annoyance flashed across his features before he tamped it down and shook his head. He started heading up the stairs, not bidding Suguru or you a goodbye, and you sighed in relief.

“Y/N, I—” Suguru started, but you cut him off by pushing him by his shoulders in annoyance. “Woah, woah. What did I do?”

“You didn’t tell me!” you exclaimed, your voice finally coming back to you after whatever-that-was. “He cheated, Suguru! And you didn’t tell me.” You were saying your thoughts exactly as they leaped through your mind, barely comprehending that you had resorted to punching—albeit lightly—Suguru’s chest as you closed your eyes.

Everything was blank, and for a moment you were convinced you had lost a wire inside your brain throughout this entire ordeal.

“Hey, listen,” Suguru said, his arms reaching out to gently grab onto your shoulders. “You kept on saying you don’t wanna dig deeper and all that bullshit once the two of you broke up. And you were doing good, Y/N. You know how long it took you to start acting like yourself again? Four months. I didn’t want to ruin your process because you were healing.”

You gritted your teeth and said, “You had no right, Suguru. And you had no right to assume when I moved on because it didn’t take me just four months. If your—if your fiance cheated on you and didn’t tell you, I wouldn’t keep it from you.” Your voice trailed off as you stared into his eyes, and that was when you’d realized you truly couldn’t rely on him because he was Satoru’s friend first and yours second.

You had—in great fashion—run away from Suguru’s art gallery before he could even form a defense to your words. At that point, you were sure he wouldn’t be showing up to dinner with Nanami because that would not be a good moment for the three of you. You had dug for your phone and texted Nanami, telling him that you’ll be at the restaurant in ten minutes to which he’d instantly replied saying he’ll be there in five.

It didn’t take long for you to drive and reach the restaurant, which is why you were sitting across from Kento who looked more curious than anything. You tried to avoid his watchful gaze, though he didn’t say anything. That might have made it tenfold uncomfortable because he often came to his own conclusions, without asking any questions, and ran with them.

“Stop staring,” you muttered, fingers absentmindedly flipping through the menu. “And decide what you’re going to eat.”

“I already know,” he replied, unmoving with his stare.

“You and Geto fight?” he asked as soon as you’d both placed your order with the waiter. He raised a brow when you tilted your head, feigning confusion. “You can tell me, I don’t give a fuck.”

You laughed at the lightness of his words. “Why do you think we fought?”

He let out a chuckle, barely audible, and took his phone out. “Because he isn’t here? And because he texted me and said ‘sorry, can’t make it.’ And he said you two were coming together and his text was sent the same time you said you were on your way.”

“Okay, genius,” you drawl, resting your arms casually on the wooden table. “I guess it could be considered a fight,” you admitted.

His eyes flickered with the slightest hint of interest but it was gone the next second. “Oh, yeah? Lover’s quarrel?”

“God, shut up.”

“Don’t go thinking I’m God just yet,” he muttered, a smirk playing on his full lips.

You threw the napkin in front of you at his face which he, unfortunately, caught with his hand. “Me and Suguru aren’t even friends like that,” you said, almost believing it. Truth was, it was the heat of the moment and you wanted to clutch at every strand of dignity to make it seem like what Suguru did didn’t hurt, alongside with what you now knew Satoru did, too.

“Uh huh,” Kento sarcastically went along. “So what happened?”

You debated on whether or not you should tell him the entire story, knowing that he was friends with Suguru and sort-of knew Satoru. But there wasn’t anything wrong with confiding in a friend, right? You chose to give him bits and pieces from the day—about how Satoru, your ex-fiance wanted to talk and give you a whole rundown of how he pretty much fell in love with another girl while you were engaged—which slowly got you talking about the few months after the breakup and Satoru’s new engagement. By the time the two of you were about to order dessert, you had told him pretty much everything—not without being prompted though. As soon as the two of you moved on, he’d say something like that fucker’s so stupid. What did he say after that? It was almost like a conversation with Reina, but with Kento it felt different.

He’d look at you every so often while you talked, a glint present in his eye that usually wasn’t there. He’d run his fingers through his blond hair and slightly lift the direction of his eyes to meet your eye, and if you hadn’t been shit-talking your ex’s best friend, you would’ve felt the warmth radiating through your body under his gaze more.

“I meant it,” Kento started, chewing the last bit of the cake you forced him to order. “That Gojo kid is stupid for that shit.”

You laughed, biting your lip to contain the blush that crept up your cheeks. “Calm down, otherwise I might start to think you like me.”

He looked at you with a blank stare then tilted his head to the side, as if trying to read you. “You’re dumb.”

“What?”

“You actually think I’m not interested in you?” he asked, then laughed as if it was the most preposterous thing he had heard. You thought about it for a moment, and realized every attempt at flirting he made, you brushed off as a joke. That’s just Kento, you’d kept on saying to yourself. You’d ignored every attempt he made because the waters after a three-year-relationship were tumultuous, and it was never your first thought that Kento was truly interested everytime he made a comment slightly suggestive.

It took you a moment to realize you still had to reply to him, and in that moment you allowed yourself to feel the warmth underneath his gaze. “What?”

“I’m not saying I’m about to drop to one knee and propose or something. I’m just telling you there’s interest present.”

You weren’t surprised; only Kento could make something that people always shy away from saying seem so easy. You smiled. You weren’t sure if this could work, and you weren’t even sure if this conversation would ever lead to anything in the future, but it felt like a welcome recess from every other part of the random Tuesday. For a moment, it was easy to forget Satoru, Satoru’s betrayal, and Suguru’s behavior. Kento had come into your life during, what you’d consider, a limbo period where you were still navigating the almost-two-years-ago-breakup and its aftermath. He was fresh, and he was new. Perhaps that was the newness Satoru was talking about.

And maybe there was something innately weird about Kento, someone who was interested in you, to listen to you talk about your ex and then tell you he’s interested in you, but you’d always been a fan of the unexpected.

“Don’t go all quiet,” he murmured, twirling his glass of water around absentmindedly.

“There’s interest on my end, too.”

#nanamiiiiiiiii #kento ml #nanami x reader #hehe #gojo x reader #angst #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gojo angst #gojo satoru #gojo satoru angst #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x you #gojo satoru x you #jjk angst #jujutsu kaisen angst

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noroi1000 · 4 months

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F**k your fav 13 - You, and your boyfriend's friend

F**k your fav | ←Previous • Next→

Summary: It finally happened. After watching your boyfriend have sex with his best friend, it was your turn. You started kissing Suguru, then you started undressing. Your boyfriend was watching all this. What was about to happen was obvious... You're going to have sex with Suguru...

A/N: I wrote the last three chapters one after the other, so they may seem short. Just like I ended the previous chapter with the start of sex between Satoru and Suguru, here I went further and ended the smut scene.

Warnings: Geto x reader smut (oral - m!receiving and f!receiving; vaginal sex; cum on body) watching someone having sex; masturbation.

"Suguru, Follow my advice, and she will melt beneath you."

"Same as you?" the dark-haired man laughed, styling his hair.

"I don't have a pussy!"

"But you were moaning. So..."

"You're asking me to hit you!"

"Fine fine! So what are your tips?"

The white-haired man sighed, sitting up straighter on the couch. They had to hurry. After all, they heard you splashing in the bathtub. You could leave soon.

"Well, you already have a big cock, so you don't have to worry about most of it." he said, thinking for a moment. "Eat her pussy and she will be more sensitive. Almost every time after I ate her, she squirted all over my cock. Besides, let her give you a blowjob, and she'll be so wet that even a concrete dam wouldn't keep the river out of her pussy."

"I hate how you talk about the most perverted things calmly, comparing them to things that no one finds arousing..."

"And?"

You were visibly nervous as you sat between his legs on the bed as he lay down, giving you plenty of space between his knees.

Your fingers finally played with the waistband of his boxers as you very gently kissed his cock through the material. You were shy, that was obvious. You finally have a boyfriend, and now you have to fuck someone else. Plus, your boyfriend is sitting in the corner of the room with his dick out.

He wanted to somehow encourage you not to be afraid. After all, it won't be as pleasant as it can be when you're so nervous.

He leaned on his hands to look at you properly.

Satoru was forbidden to speak. If he said something that would embarrass you, it would be bad. So all he could do was sit there and jerk off while watching someone else fuck his girlfriend.

Sure, it turned him on. But he was also a little jealous now that you were lying between another guy's legs, grabbing his cock. All this time, you were only catching his! He wanted you to fuck Suguru. He wanted to see if you felt as comfortable with him as you did with Suguru. He was a bit selfish, thinking that he should be the one lying there now and not Suguru. But he also wanted you to discover new lands. This will be absolutely new for you. And he wanted you to feel as good as you could. Besides, he found out that if you weren't his girlfriend, you would probably fall in love with Suguru. That's why there was nothing so bad about it...

"Baby, you don't have to be afraid. There's nothing wrong with that." He said it with a small smile, waving to you. Looking at your small blush.

That was the only sentence now. And it was very normal. He wanted to convince you to move forward.

You nodded, looking into Suguru's eyes, before swallowing, and with a little help from him, you pulled his boxers down, removing fabric from him.

Up close, Suguru was bigger than it seemed before. So what Satoru had inside him was a really good piece of cock... No wonder even your boyfriend, who had so much stamina during sex, trembled under his thrusts. So even he is sensitive when you approach him properly?

Maybe you should use your dildo on him more often?

But when he was with Suguru, he apparently felt different. This shows that they feel good together. So maybe you should let them fuck you more often? After all, what's going on between them goes back even before your relationship with Satoru.

Maybe when you two are comfortable now, you can give Satoru some more sex with Suguru in the future?

Although you weren't sure if you should consider it normal.

You wrapped your hand around the thick shaft, massaging the hot skin to tentatively place a chaste kiss on his head, licking up some of the precum.

You're not sure what exactly Suguru likes. Satoru sure liked watching you choke on his cock. But from what you could see, Satoru was a little slower when he was in your position. While Satoru received strong, sudden sensations, Suguru received strong but slow sensations. Maybe it's something of his preference? But you also saw him fucking Satoru hard. And it certainly wasn't calm and gentle.

It was powerful and intense.

Satoru always fucked you hard. Quick. All at once. He changes styles to annoy you. But you're sure his favorite was strong. Abuse all the sensitive points in you.

To find out, all you could do was do what you had to do. You lay there and sucked and kissed Suguru's cock, sometimes lowering yourself to lick a stripe from his base to the tip.

Everything about it was right. Both Satoru and him like it.

When you lick like a kitten. Those were Satoru's words.

You wanted to take another hint of what he likes best. But his hand suddenly grabbed your chin, pulling you away from his length.

He pulled your face away to look at him. And in this position, you really felt how he radiated the energy of dominance over you.

"Lie on your back, okay?" He said it with a small smile, sitting up straight and pulling your wrists to make you obey him.

Sitting almost breathless on the bed, you watched as the dark-haired man placed himself under your hips, suddenly opening your legs.

A shiver ran down your spine as he pulled you down slightly, signaling you to go a little lower. You obediently did so, slightly resisting his hands as they spread your thighs open for him.

Suguru was the type who expected obedience. He tells you to do something, so he expects you to do it. While Satoru doesn't wait for obedience, he just keeps going. With Suguru, you feel more pressure than he causes. It turns you on. He dominates you so much. As soon as he says something, you're ready to do it. This is what sets them apart. Satoru is not patient. He may do something unexpectedly and suddenly. He can come up with something, set you up, and move you himself. And Suguru tells you calmly but firmly what he wants from you. And this is a sign that he dominates you and wants to do it all the time. Suguru told you how to position yourself as an order.

You looked to the side at Satoru, whose hand was slowly sliding down his length as he looked at your friend between your legs.

A mouth appeared on your clit, giving you a kind of command. You were supposed to focus on him.

Satoru was right. You were wet as hell. Even though you acted shy, you were so horny for him.

Every time Satoru eats your pussy, you squirt all over his cock? We'll find out soon.

Two fingers press into your wet heat, finding a spot to massage your g-spot.

Apparently it's hard to find, and this is the second man who found it in you the first time and will abuse this place!

Soft moans escaped your lips as you tugged on his bangs lightly as he played with your nub with his tongue and rubbed your sensitive spot with his fingers.

Another difference between Satoru and Suguru.

Satoru would like to make you orgasm and give you the most intense sensations. Suguru slowly and carefully pushes on, doing something to make you a little disappointed, but in the end you get the most intense orgasm.

You feel equally good with both of them. But their technique is different.

You moaned loudly as his fingers unexpectedly dug into your walls, pressing hard against that spot and sucking harshly. Forcing you to orgasm suddenly. And your body complied, sending sparks up your spine as you trembled against his lips and fingers.

By this time, Satoru would probably be smiling and starting to lick up your juices. Suguru didn't pull away from your pussy, lightly flicking his tongue against your clit as he slowly fingered you, letting you come down from your high faster.

The sooner you come to your senses after your orgasm, the sooner he will be able to load you up with his cock.

Only when you stopped shaking did he pull his fingers out of you, letting you rest for less than a minute before he knelt between your thighs, stroking your swollen cock with his hand.

You saw out of the corner of your eye as Satoru moved his chair to get a better view of your pussy, which was about to be loaded with cock. But he didn't speak.

"Are you ready?" Geto asked, lightly rubbing your entrance with his tip.

"... Mhm..." you muttered, looking a little horrified at its width. It was the same when you were to take Satoru inside for the first time.

But since you can do everything with Satoru, there won't be any problems with a dick like that, right?

"Without a condom? So brave." Satoru laughed. "Cum on her, okay? I want to see it."

Satoru's words, although perverted, were fine. You could bear it.

But it was different when you felt the wide tip pressing against the ring of muscle, stretching you to fit inside you.

You're really doing it...

You can take it. It will fit inside. You can take Satoru, so Suguru won't be a problem either. It just seems that they are so big! They are just very tall! And you seem smaller next to them! But it doesn't change the fact that their dicks are also big!!!

You moaned loudly into your hand as he reached the end. You placed your hand on your stomach. You knew he was there. You didn't feel him as deeply as Satoru did. But he stretched you more. And it was as overwhelming as with Satoru...

You lose track of time lying there with your legs on either side of his hips. That's why you didn't know how long it had been since you were lying there and getting used to him.

"Can I move?" he asked you, holding your knee.

You nodded, giving permission.

And he didn't regret it. His hand pushed your knee closer to your chest, giving him better access and also giving Satoru a better view.

You were so tight and hot. No matter how he moved, you still pulled him in.

And slamming his hips against yours, he growled softly, enjoying your moans. You held his shoulders, trembling. He now knew how Satoru felt inside you. It's a divine feeling... You're so damn tight...

Even though Satoru was doing a lot to your pussy, you would still remain just as tight.

Satoru laughed and said that your pussy was the same as at the beginning. And after he had fucked you a few times, he thought you were still a virgin because you were still just as tight. But you take big cocks like his so well.

His plan was to stuff your pussy into his shape. So that he will feel crazy about you. But he didn't know if it would be better to have you this tight. It's the perfect feeling when you squeeze him and suck him inside.

Suguru also felt so good.

It wasn't long before you came underneath him, murmuring his name as you tightened around him.

And your grunts caused Satoru to stand up, struggling quickly. And he moved towards your body as Suguru continued to thrust into your heat to spill his load onto your chest and watch how it all flowed over you. That was right.

The sight of you covered in cum was fucking beautiful.

So Geto added more to your stomach so they could watch, stewing over your sweaty, wet body.

Next time, you'll be dealing with two cocks at once...

The last chapter is coming soon. Something I'm excited about but terrified of. Because the first and last chapters are the hardest to write. I don't want to disappoint anyone with a poorly written last chapter.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #gojo satoru #gojo x y/n #jjk x you #gojo x reader #gojo #geto suguru #jjk x reader #geto x reader smut #geto x you #geto x reader #geto x y/n #f**k your fav

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negrowhat · 4 months

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what are your top ten fav bl's of all time?

Hey Anon! I had to take some time to think about this. It's hard for me to choose things like this! You're really putting me on the spot lol. Here we go tho...I might cheat a little.

To My Star. Both 1 and 2. I love Seo Joon's and Ji Woo's story. I love their relationship dynamic. I loved how protective they were of each other. Both Ji Woo and Seo Joon are complex characters with layers that you can really bite into and analyze many ways. I know a lot of people were not fans of s2 but that was one series where I truly ate up the angst. Ji Woo is a hard character to understand unless you really take the time to watch the series and focus on his behaviors. You'll never, ever catch me talking bad about TMS.

Gameboys the Series. Both the seasons and the movie. CaiReel have such a modern and relatable love story. I think it being a series about finding relationships in the middle of a global pandemic while we were ALL sharing the same plight really stood out. I felt like I made new friends while watching that series. Also for s1 to be shot completely on an iPhone and for most of the actors to not actually be filming their scenes at the same time, I was BLOWN away by the quality AND chemistry. That series made me SOB and that is also something I consider impressive. If it can make me cry then it's certified gold.

Utsukushii Kare. Both seasons and the movie. This is another series with complex main characters. Hira deals with his general uninterest in damn near everything EXCEPT Kiyoi and photography. And Kiyoi deals with his need for attention even if he generally doesn't like people because they always disappoint him. It's interesting to see how they handle their seemingly unbalanced relationship. Hira is willing to give Kiyoi all the love he requires and not get close (which is normally what Kiyoi wants) and Kiyoi learns that with Hira he wants a real true love and relationship and that's quite a task when the man you love doesn't value himself. It's just interesting seeing the growth between them.

Color Rush S1. I love the way they tackle the soulmates trope, and explore the darker side to the obsession that could happen once you find your perfect match ESPECIALLY when that match can help you see a full picture. Yeon Woo struggles with a myriad of thoughts and fears as he does his best not to get close to Yoo Han even though Yoo Han is serving up himself on a silver platter with tantalizing promises of helping him learn the colors he craves to see. Yeon Woo becomes obsessed, but little does he know that Yoo Han is also obsessed because Yeon Woo also helps Yoo Han see a clearer picture. But maybe that obsession is really just them falling in love and not knowing what to call it.

Moonlight Chicken. Messy and relatable to a person like me who is smack dab in the middle of the age groups involved. This series really showcases how messy romances can be. It shows how hard it can be to close the door to a chapter you thought would end happily. This series shows how hard it can be to move on when a normally open door shuts in your face suddenly and forever. It shows how a chapter that starts off terrible can lead you into the most thrilling moment of your life. It shows that the last chapter you finished might have you TERRIFIED to move on to the next one. Stuck. This was a series I found difficult to dislike any of the characters even if they were being terrible. Emotions were high and reactions were warranted. This was a series where I felt like people were allowed to feel the way they were feeling.

We Best Love. Yes, both seasons. Shu Yi and Shi De had such an up and down ship. Shi De went through such a roundabout way to get close to Shu Yi and I really enjoyed watching them become friends. I enjoyed watching Shu Yi come to realize he was in love. I wanted to beat Shi De up in s2 for ghosting Shu Yi and I was enjoying watching Shu Yi get his lick back, but really he was just looking for answers so he can decide if he was stupid for wanting to forgive Shi De the moment he saw him again. It's another fun and messy series.

Lovely Writer. I LOVE Gene ok. He really made me love the series because he was such a bomb ass character. I also found Nubsib's psycho/stalkerish tendencies quite entertaining because he was so polite about it. I love that the series took stabs at all the things wrong with the BL community while simultaneously having the main character be an actor in one of the most toxic fake BLs I've ever seen. Just meta on top of meta. Satire in the form of a trendy BL within a BL.

History 3: MODC. Salt run aside, I just really loved this series. Can't believe a series about the shy kid falling in love with his bully is a fave. That sentence alone would make it problematic af...not to mention the questionable age gap between the 2nd couple. But it was beautifully constructed. Hao Ting found the best version of himself in Xi Gu and Xi Gu found a brighter side to life with Hao Ting. And they were WAYYYYY into each other and Hao Ting did put in his work to be forgiven. I do my best not to overthink Zhi Gang's age difference from Sun Bo because it's such a norm in Taiwanese BL. It's kind of interesting to see their relationship play out. Zhi Gang definitely has his hangups with the age gap and Sun Bo just doesn't care.

Blueming. Such a laid back series. Si Won is just a sweetheart dealing with self-esteem issues trying to make his presence known in life so he can get the best out of his university experience. And Da Un is just that effortlessly cool guy Si Won strives to be like. He can't even fathom the idea of such a cool guy having a crush on him that he takes the flirting as arrogance lmao. I think it's sweet that Da Un helps uplift Si Won and I think it's sweet that Si On showed Da Un the attention he never got at home.

Ingredients the Series. Just a sweet lil slice of life miniseries. It fills me with joy to watch Tops and Win pine after each other as Win works on his music and Tops works on his cooking and they live together symbiotically. There's not too much to this series. It relies heavily on food and chemistry and that's perfectly perfect for me.

#to my star #to my star 2 #blueming #gameboys #gameboys the series #gameboys the movie #we best love #we best love: no 1 for you #we best love: fighting mr. 2nd #utsukushii kare #utsukushii kare: eternal #ingredients the series #lovely writer #lovely writer the series #history 3: modc #history 3: make our days count #moonlight chicken #color rush

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builtbybrokenbells · 11 months

Text

Gold Dust Woman

Amidst a battle of silent pining over Sam Kiszka, y/n begins to believe her feelings are a bit misplaced after months of receiving nothing in return. A night of attempting to drink away his memory results in a messy hookup with the worst possible person. Now stuck in limbo with being in love with Sam, and in lust with his brother, she’s left to navigate her way out of the grave she’s dug for herself.

Read part two here

listen while reading: gold dust woman - fleetwood mac

Pairing: jake kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 11k

Warnings: SMUT18+, fingering (f!receiving), oral (f!receiving), hookups, pet names, sort of angst?, embarrassing crushes, unrequited feelings, some feelings of guilt, drinking, swearing, partying, sorry if I miss any!!

howdy. new series on the way! here’s chapter one! slutty jake is my weakness, so here’s basically a whole chapter of him being a little shit disturber. and surprise surprise, i drew a little inspiration from my fav song, too 🫣 there’s a lot of fantastic work out for the forbidden twin lane, so I’m definitely a little nervous to post. also really trying hard to keep my stuff original! as always, enjoy, please be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes!

Sam. Sam fucking Kiszka. The bane of your existence, but also the light of your life. Caught between hopelessly pining after him, and also wishing you’d never met him. You found yourself stuck in a never ending loop, constantly battling yourself and always refusing to give in to either side. It was relentless, exhausting, but exhilarating all the same. Always caught up in his minuscule movements, the small expressions that nobody else cared to look for, hanging on to every word as if it was necessary for survival. Whatever was so special about him, you weren’t sure. Even so, you couldn’t deny that you were wrapped around his finger, desperate for a hint of reciprocity. Desperate for the feeling of his hands on you, and the knowledge of what it was like to be wrapped around him. Unfortunately for you, it never came. You never spoke it aloud, never made it known that you felt such a way, because he never gave any idea that he looked at you as anything more than a friend. So, to avoid rejection, and to maintain the peace, you kept your mouth shut. Suffering in silence was better than disrupting the entire friend group.

So you sat, immersed in conversation with his best friend, caring little about the words exchanged, and more about what Sam found himself occupied with across the room. It was uncharacteristic for you, to be so uninterested in the person in front of you, but you couldn’t seem to stop yourself. He was addicting; fuelling you more than any amphetamine, more comforting than any opioid, and haunting you with no sign of easing his hold. And just like any other drug, he gave you nothing except an empty promise of lasting fulfillment. You wanted to rid yourself of him, never again speak his name or think of his face. At the same time, you never wanted him to go away. You wanted every aspect of your life to be laced with Sam’s being, just so you never had to fear losing him.

The liquor in your cup was achingly strong, pleading with you to ease off with each sip you took. Still, you continued, bargaining with yourself that the burn of the alcohol was more soothing than your relentless thoughts about Sam. Plus, it was a sure way to forget about him. “What’s on your mind?” The question almost produced a laugh from you. You looked to the speaker, eyebrows furrowed in thought.

“Uh, nothing of importance.” You answered in the most truthful way possible. Your thoughts were not important; far from it, actually. It was an endless stream of ideas all running back to the same pool of topic. One that wasn’t worth speaking into existence, mostly because you were already certain it would never amount to anything beyond a hopeless daydream.

“Oh, come on, y/n.” Danny pried. “All of your thoughts are important. I think so, at least.” You gave him a chuckle, appreciating his kindness.

“You ever get the feeling that the universe put something in your life solely to make you suffer?” You posed the theory, finally looking to meet his eyes.

“I mean, yeah.” He nodded. “Karma is real, I believe in that stuff.”

“Yeah, me too, but that’s not really what I mean.” You eased back into the sofa, feeling the tingle of tipsiness start to spread throughout your limbs.

“What do you mean, then?” He took a long sip from his bottle of beer, making you turn up your nose in disgust. You had no idea how anyone enjoyed the stuff. Alcoholic bread water was not your choice of beverage, and you made sure the boys were aware of that. You hoped maybe they’d jump off the beer train and settle on a drink that actually tasted good, instead of pretending to enjoy the bottles of craft swamp water.

“I don’t think it’s necessarily karmic. Sometimes, people do as much good as they can, and still seem to find themselves in the middle of suffering.”

“So, bad luck?” He chuckled, trying to piece together your drunken ramblings.

“Sort of,” you shrugged. “It’s hard to explain.” You dismissed the topic, regretting bringing it up in the first place. Perhaps you were letting the alcohol lead the conversation, failing to understand that it would ultimately lead back to the boy you were trying to drown the memory of.

“I’ve got time.” He assured you. You reached for the bottle cap resting on the table, flicking it in the air with your thumb and catching it in your palm.

“I don’t think there’s enough time in the world for this, Danny Boy.” You sighed.

“Try, at least. Your drunk rambling is my favourite part of these parties.” You caught his eye, laughing at his admission.

“They tend to be quite comedic, don’t they?”

“Sometimes. Other times they’re pretty insightful, I think. Your alter ego may be a philosopher of sorts. You have a lot of wisdom up there.” He reached over, gently knocking against your skull with his knuckle, giving you a grin. You couldn’t help but return it, despite your despair. As much as Sam Kiszka plagued your ability to enjoy yourself, you found solace in Danny’s company. He was always a great listener, and consistently had a few good jokes up his sleeve begging to be told.

“You’re too kind to me, Daniel. It’s a trap, you know. Inflate my head a little too much, and it’s just chaos. You’ll never get rid of me.”

“I’m fine with that.” He drained the liquid from his bottle and reached into the cardboard box for another. You watched him as he placed the cap to the edge of the worn down wooden table. He brought his hand down on top of it, freeing the bottle effortlessly. “I enjoy your company.”

“Charming.” You hummed, the foam from the carbonated liquid fizzling out the top and spilling on to his hand. “Seems like you’ve made a mess.” You pointed out. He shook off the bubbles, watching them land with a splat against the concrete floor. He wiped his hand on his jeans, ridding himself of the dampness.

“So enlighten me, then.” He settled back into the lawn chair after he pulled it as close to the couch as possible. You pondered your choice of words, unsure of where to begin.

“Karma is effect from cause.” You started, eyeing your drink suspiciously. You leaned forward, grabbing the pint of vodka and placing your cup on the table. As you watched the crystal liquid flow, you let your heart decide when to cut it off. You topped it off with some more soda, returning your attention to your company. “Some things don’t really feel like that. When you do something terrible, you wait for something to come back and bite you in the ass, to cause you some of the turmoil you’ve given to others. At least, normal people feel that way. Some don’t, but that’s another story for another day.” He nodded in agreement. “Sometimes, things happen, or people show up, or whatever it be, and they completely change the way your world works. In this case, I mean in a bad way. You don’t feel like you’re deserving of it, and you don’t necessarily feel like it’s an issue with luck. They’re there for a reason, but it’s just a shitty one.”

“So a lesson.” He deducted. Your eyes shifted towards him, your head cocking to the side ever so slightly. Eventually, you gave a slow nod, appreciating his input.

“Yeah, a lesson. That’s a better word for it.” You guided your straw to your mouth, sucking gently and feeling the spread of warmth fill your chest as you swallowed.

“So what is your lesson, tonight?”

“Haven’t decided yet.” You sighed. “I guess I’m more concerned about the why, rather than the what.”

“Okay, that’s fine.” He agreed.

“Why do some people need lessons? I mean, we all have to learn, but why does it always have to be so disastrous to do it?”

“Guess it leaves a larger impact.” He theorized. “If the lesson doesn’t hurt, you’re less likely to remember it.” You murmured a sound of understanding, realizing he was right. Whatever lesson Sam was teaching you must have been incredibly important, because it hurt like a bitch.

“That’s why they invented alcohol, Danny. So people like us can use it to ignore any hurtful lessons. I’m nothing if not spiteful, even to the universe.” He chuckled, reaching over and tilting his bottle towards you. You knocked your glass against it lightly, a gesture of gratitude for his listening ears.

“So that’s what you want to do tonight? Drink away your lesson?” You nodded.

“For the time being. It’s alright, because it’ll still be trying to teach me in the morning.”You both fell back into a silence, watching the crowd flutter around the room. Your garage had become the scene for social butterflies. Current friends and those of the past always stopping by for a quick chat, a good drink, and enjoyable music. You didn’t mind hosting; it made your home a lot less lonely. For someone who chose to surround yourself with people, you felt that way quite often. Always someone to say hello to, but never anyone to share anything meaningful with.

For a twenty-something socialite, who cared more about a good time than anything else, you’d done quite well for yourself. You started off without much of a chance, born into poverty and destined to remain there. In retaliation, you fought the expectation tooth and nail. You started working the minute you could, and saved every dollar you earned as long as the situation permitted. As soon as you turned 18, you vowed never to look back at your hometown. Since then, you hadn’t. You went to school, got a degree, and continued to work until you collapsed. Then, you got up the next day and continued on. The relentless effort never stopped until your hands were on a set of house keys that you could call your own. Now, you worked on your own schedule as a well-renowned music producer and backpacked off artists success, as you liked to word it.

You would much prefer to be the person behind the glass, but as the world allowed it, you remained behind the scenes. It was certain money rather than blind luck, and you appreciated your security more than passion. It was easier that way, especially with nobody to fall back on. So, you settled for Friday night shows at local bars, just you and your acoustic guitar, and no hope of anybody remembering your name. The too-drunk regulars seemed to love your performances, but as you saw it, any drunk fool appreciated something they could dance or sing along to. The production part wasn’t all bad, of course. It gave you some real friends, which you’d never really had before. Danny, being one of them. Well, all of the boys, really, despite your complicated relationship with Sam.

You’d made plenty of friends through the industry, some lifelong and some temporary. It was a plus to your success, meaning you never had to be alone. If you knew anything about musicians, it was that they loved to party, and you had an ample amount of time and space to do so in. Your house was rarely ever unoccupied, but when it was, the silence was deafening. You’d allowed so much room in your life for company, that you were almost unsure what to do when you were alone. Danny and his brothers solved that problem for you quite easily, always inviting you for hangouts and showing up to your place when the opportunity arose. They never went too long without communicating, and spent even less time away from you. Despite your hesitancy, they had slowly grown into a part of your every day life. As much as you hated loneliness, you also hated vulnerability. Unfortunately for you, they had made it a mission to know you fully, and they were doing a damn good job at it. Although you were still reserved, they knew more about you than anyone else.

As much as you tried to complain, you were eternally grateful for the great connection with such fantastic people. Even though your feelings for Sam complicated the nature of the situation, you couldn’t deny that they were genuine, sincere people, and you were lucky to have them around. They made life more interesting, and curbed the fear of isolation. And, in addition, they were pretty fun drinking partners. “Still thinking about that lesson?” You turned to look at Danny again, finding his concern endearing.

“Not particularly.” You eased his worry. “There’s always a brighter side to the story.” You gave him a smile, one filled with genuineness.

“Do I happen to be the brighter side?” He gave you a look of exaggerated excitement.

“Yeah, whatever, don’t give yourself too much credit.” You laughed. Your attention was grabbed by Josh walking by, a bottle of tequila in his hand and a dopey smile on his lips. He brought it to his youngest brother, bringing the bottle to his mouth and prompting him to take a drink. “We’re next, you know that, right?”

“Yeah, can never really escape him, can you?” You shook your head, still focused on the interaction. Josh pulled the bottle away a bit prematurely, causing a bit of liquor to spill down the front of Sam. It glistened on his chin, dripping down onto the exposed part of his chest, shining in the low light. You swallowed hard, having to stop yourself from fixating on the completely innocent mishap. Still, you couldn’t help but stare at the illumination, wishing to have access to the rest of him, desperate to see more.

You didn’t have time to linger, because just as you expected, Josh plundered towards you both. He made his entrance by producing the alcohol in front of you both with a messy extension of his arm. The liquid sloshed, some catching in the neck and spraying from the top. “You’re wasting precious tequila, Josh. Stop throwing it around like that.” You scolded. He nudged his pit vipers to his forehead, letting you see his eyes for a moment. They were glazed over, only proving his drunken stupor even further.

“Me? Waste?” He challenged.

“Yes, you, wasting.” You replied. He let out a hum of disagreement, taking a step towards you.

“Open.” He ordered. You rolled your eyes, but obliged to the request. You let your lips fall open, tilting your head back to allow him access. He tipped the bottle gently, letting the liquor waterfall into your mouth. You swallowed, fighting back the grimace you so badly wanted to give. He smiled in triumph, quickly turning his focus to your counterpart. You wiped the stray liquid from your face with the back of your hand, unable to escape the smell of it. Danny let out a shudder after his shot, feeling similarly to you.

He didn’t hover long, his mission complete and leaving him ready to move on to his next target. “He’s hammered.” Danny noted.

“Usually is.” You chuckled. “It’s okay, the spare bedrooms are all yours.”

“I can try to get him home,” Danny looked over, worried about overstaying his welcome.

“Don’t be ridiculous. You know you guys can always stay here.” You tried to brush the sentiment off, hoping your tone sounded more nonchalant rather than heartfelt. In truth, you loved the nights they stayed. It meant you didn’t have to wake up to an empty house. You scanned the room, forcing yourself to move past Sam when your eyes inevitably landed on him. He was chatting with a girl you weren’t familiar with. Although the parties were almost always held at your house, that didn’t mean you knew every face or name. Sometimes, friends brought their own friends, or partners, or coworkers. She was likely one of those, who took a keen interest in Sam.

You couldn’t blame her; he was gorgeous. If you had her confidence, you’d be up there with him, too, batting your eyelashes and ghosting touches over his arm with a sultry smile. Of course, that didn’t mean you had the ability to ignore the pain that stemmed from the sight. Your stomach twisted with every lingering smile and flirtatious gaze. You thought it ought of comical, you inviting him over and hoping he’d spend a second talking with you, but he always found himself immersed in another girl who was a bit more interesting than you.

You continued looking, locating Josh with ease. He hadn’t given up as the tequila tyrant, and was still forcing the awful liquid onto others. You were certain he only bought it because it sounded good in theory. Once he had enough of it, he wanted to get rid of it as fast as possible so he didn’t have to drink it anymore. As you searched, you realized you hadn’t seen the fourth boy who so often took solace in your company. You thought it was quite curious, unsure of where he could be. You decided it was best to stop being so concerned with the whereabouts of everyone else, and worry about your own well-being. You’d been drinking for a while, and still couldn’t seem to break out of the Kiszka chokehold. You decided your best course of action was to focus on having a good time, and maybe keep your mind occupied with someone else for the night.

“Beer pong?” You eyed Danny, hopeful for an enthusiastic response.

“Yeah, why not?” He said, making a move to stand. He held his hand out to you, helping you off the couch. As you stood, you realized you may have had more alcohol than you thought, finding your legs a bit wobbly and your head light. Danny kept his hand on you, picking up on it, too. “You alright?”

“Yeah, and you’re gonna get your ass kicked.” You said as a matter-of-fact. You both toddled towards the ping pong table, noticing that it had already been played on a few times that night. You took to one side and Danny went to the other, rearranging your cups in the correct order.

“Hey, I want to play, too!” A voice sounded from behind you. You looked back, noticing Josh making his way towards you.

“We need a fourth, then.” You informed him.

“I’ll get Jake!” Josh was normally loud, but with a single drop of liquor in his system, he always found himself stuck in a state of permanent yelling. It was something you had to grow used to. The adjustment period was not easy, mostly because every time he tried to speak to you, you thought he was yelling at you. After a few weeks and a lot of reassurance, you began to notice that he also spoke that way with everyone else. Now, things seemed too quiet if Josh wasn’t around to make a ruckus.

As if it were some sort of secret twin telepathy, within moments Josh returned with his brother. After not seeing him all night, Josh seemed to have the power to locate him as he wished. The two made their way over, Josh immediately joining Danny on his side of the table, leaving you with Jake. Not that you minded, but the unspoken assumption was a bit rude, you thought. “And where have you been, all night?” You asked Jake, a smirk tugging at the corner of your lips.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” He asked, taking a stand next to you.

“Obviously, or I wouldn’t have asked.” You grabbed a ball out of a cup, shaking the water droplets off the plastic.

“Don’t be like that, now.” He smiled. You looked to the side, catching a quick glimpse of his face. The mystery of Jake was yet to be solved. He was quiet, always a bit more reserved than the rest, but hilarious in his silence. Most of his jokes were spoken through expression, and every phrase was well thought out and immaculately delivered. You were yet to break through his shell, and you were eager to see more of him; a need for connection beyond the surface, even.

But, even so, it was the same with you. You had mastered the illusion of connection without really having to share too much. It was a way of protecting yourself, even if it was a little fake. Despite that, the friendships you formed with the four boys were more real than any you’d ever had. Even if they barely knew you past the surface, it didn’t make the love you had for them any different. They knew more than any one else, and you were sure with time, you’d get comfortable enough to open up a bit more. “I’ll be nicer if you can help me win this.”

“What’s the reward?” He asked. You could feel his eyes burning holes into the back of your skull.

“Guess you’ll have to find out.” You replied, taking your first shot. The ball bounced off the rim of the solo cup, falling inwards and plopping into the water.

“Don’t get me excited.” You could hear the smirk in his words before he even stepped into your line of vision. He lifted his arm, tossing the ping pong ball with little care. You watched it land in the cup that yours had, unsure of how he lined up a shot like that without even trying. You looked towards him, finding he was already looking at you. “Better be something good, sweetheart.” A tingle ran down your spine at the pet name, never having heard such an endearing word from him.

You weren’t sure what it was. Maybe the vodka, or maybe how the light, even as dim as it was, seemed to cast a golden glow over his features. Or maybe it was his quiet tone and impactful words, or the scent of whiskey and sandalwood, paired with the faint lingering of a Cuban cigar that was heavenly enough to burn itself into your memory. Whatever it be, for the first time in the entire history of knowing him, Jake caught your attention in a way other than friendship. He was hot, and that little monster of a voice in your head was screaming it over and over again, not letting you forget it. The close proximity of his body to yours was driving you insane, leaving you curious as to what it would be like to reach out and touch him, just for a moment. The bottom two buttons of his shirt that were holding it together was not leaving much to the imagination, and you were quite thankful for it, tonight. Although, you did find it a bit limiting. A hidden desire arose, leaving you wanting to rip it from his body to expose the rest of him. Once it appeared, it didn’t seem to want to go away.

In your moment of weakness, the animalistic nature of your attraction posed a residual feeling of guilt, almost as if you were cheating on Sam. You were painfully aware that the feeling was ridiculous; the memory of Sam’s arm snaked around the unnamed girl quickly pushing its way to the forefront of your thoughts. Clearly, he had no interest in you, so why should you feel guilty over such a simple, natural feeling? It wasn’t as if you professed your love to Sam and immediately took to Jake within the same minute. Attraction was normal, human nature, and you felt no need to be shameful about of it. Both men were completely unaware of your affection, and it would be easy to navigate, specifically because of their ignorance. Silent pining and daydreaming about both of them was fine, you deduced, because you were confident in your ability to make sure they never found out. Besides, you were in love with Sam, and attracted to Jake. Two very different things, and neither would ever cause an issue as long as they remained unspoken.

So, you decided, if Jake was willing to initiate it, a night of harmless flirting wouldn’t matter. In the morning, you’d both move on and forget it ever happened.

It’s crazy how the human brain can justify a terrible decision when you want it bad enough.

“Your turn, angel.” Jake broke you from your internal brooding with a delicate hand on your back. For a moment, you thought you could live in the feeling of his touch forever. He handed you the spare ball with his free hand, the cool water on his fingertips offsetting the surging warmth of his skin. You took it, meticulously arranging yourself in the perfect place before throwing. Another splash of water signified the landing of the shot, causing a noise of triumph to sound from you. When you came down from your momentary excitement, you could still feel Jake’s palm resting on you. It was an intriguing sensation, imploring you to think further about the nature of the gesture. “Hidden talent?”

“Wouldn’t call it hidden. Maybe you just don’t know me as well as you thought.” You quipped. He elected not to respond, throwing his ball and landing it in another cup.

“If we win, you gonna let me see all the parts of you you’re keeping secret?” He said, leaning in provocatively close to your ear. You weren’t sure where his newly found fixation on you came from, but you weren’t complaining. Maybe the cloud of whiskey he enveloped himself in was calling the shots, pushing him to test his limits. Before now, you couldn’t recall a time where your conversations even toed the line of flirtation. Unless, you’d been embarrassingly oblivious to his advances, which you wouldn’t be fully surprised if that were the case. You were a professional at overlooking even the most obvious displays of interest, so much so that even the current situation had you second guessing his lingering touches and provactive statements. Plus, with the added distraction of your feelings for Sam, the idea of romance with another person never really crossed your mind.

“Depends on how bad you want to know about them.” You replied, the note of disregard for his statement seemed to spark a nerve in him, driving him a little bit crazy. He was nothing if not fond of a challenge. And in his eyes, you were more than worth the effort.

“Stop flirting and focus on the game!” Josh hollered, catching both of you off guard. As if you were two children being scolded by a parent, you both took an immediate step away from each other with a hint of a blush on your cheeks. With that, Josh threw a cannon of a shot and completely missed the table.

“You don’t even have any distractions, what’s your excuse for being shit?” Jake taunted, a laugh hidden in his jab.

“Have you looked at me, lately, Jake? I’m beautiful. I don’t have to be good at anything.” The comment rolled so slickly from his tongue, like he’d completely forgotten he was supposed to be joking and was speaking straight from the heart. Jake cocked his head to the side, trying to relate the two together and make some sense of his statement. You let out a little laugh, nodding your head in appreciation of his words. You couldn’t deny that all four boys were very attractive, even if you had a hard time seeing past Sam and his blinding beauty. “See, even she agrees.” Jakes eyes flicked towards you, inquisitive of your quick response.

“So what does that make me?” He asked you. You watched him, unsure of what he was hinting at. “If I’m good at the game, does that mean I’m not beautiful?” He clarified. You swallowed hard, the bluntness of his question hitting you with force. He gave a small smirk, one that radiated cockiness. He knew your answer without you even having to reply, but he was determined to hear the words.

“No, you… you are.” You assured him, feeling ridiculous for stumbling over your words.

“Glad you think so, sweetheart. You are, too.” He turned back towards the table, not lingering to watch the redness spread across your face, fully satisfied with your response. Josh caught your eye, giving you a wink that said more than any words he could speak. Even in his drunken state, he was painfully aware of his twin brothers intent. You looked to Danny for guidance, only to find him choking back a laugh and unwilling to hold your gaze.

‘Great’ you internally grumbled, mortified at the attention being on yours and Jake’s current situation. Whatever that was, exactly, was completely unknown to you. You were stuck somewhere between wanting to tell him to fuck off, and wanting to tear his clothes off and have your way with him right there. You had no idea when Jake became such an outlet for your closeted wants. No clue if he just suddenly became so attractive, or if he had been the whole time and you were just blind to it. Either way, every hint of cologne, sideways glance, every ghost of a touch, each laugh that fell from his lips, and every word he spoke was driving you crazy.

“Last shot, y/n. Make it count.” He hummed, taking a step back from the table. You have a curt nod, silently letting him know you would. You aimed, ensuring your arm was steady, and held your breath as you tossed the ball. It circled around the rim, leaving all of you on edge. After a few seconds, it rolled off to the side, sadly plummeting to the table and bouncing to the floor. You let out a long exhale, disappointed in the outcome. It was the only cup you’d missed so far. “S’okay,” Jake gave you a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “I got it.” You took a step back, allowing him to take his turn.

Once again, with a lax stature and careless approach, he threw the ball and effortlessly landed it in the cup. A collective groan sounded from the opposite side of the table, both boys floored over the fact they lost. Instead of focusing on their bellyaching, your attention was completely stolen by Jake snaking his arm around you in celebration. You turned your head towards him, noticing nothing but the breathtaking beauty of his smiling face. He pulled you into his side, hand resting dangerously low on your back.

“Nice job,” you breathed, the warmth of his body distracting you from anything else in the room. He turned his head down to look at you, his face inches from yours.

“You, too.” You relaxed into his hold, playing into whatever game he’d started. You turned your body towards him, placing a kiss on his cheek. He wasn’t expecting the sudden change of pace, his fingers tightening against you. “Come and find me if you’re willing to share those secrets, angel.” He said, mouth practically on your ear. Before pulling away, he placed a small, innocent kiss to the side of your head where his lips were hovering, as if it balanced out the filthy invitation.

Before you could respond, he disappeared again, much like the entire scene was a figment of your imagination. The only reason that led you to believe it was real was the residual tingling he left on the spots he’d touched, and the prickle of goosebumps across your skin. That, and the growing feeling of arousal in the pit of your stomach. You looked back to the table, cheeks flushed and heart racing. You grabbed your drink, hoping to sip away the memory, painfully aware of how easy it would be to chase after him. How easy it would be to take him to bed, to give in to the temptation of feeling him on you, or in you, more so.

You bit down on the inside of your lip in a desperate attempt to satiate the sinful thoughts you were having about Jake. You knew you weren’t supposed to be feeling such things for him. Your blind, although misplaced, loyalty to Sam was screaming at you to stop. Still, there was a small, but loud, little devil that took permanent home in your head. It was ensuring you that one night wouldn’t be so bad, that the feeling of his hands, and his tongue, would help you to forget anything other than pleasure. You swallowed hard, forcing your imagination to stop fabricating such grand ideas, forgoing the straw on the drink and chugging the rest of it down.

“So, is that the lesson you’ve been so deep in thought about?” Danny asked, now presenting himself in front of you. The shock of his company cause you to inhale a bit of your drink, leaving you coughing and sputtering for a moment. He gave you a couple firm pats on the back, aiding you with the expulsion of the liquid from your lungs. Once you recovered from the moment of disarray, you looked to him, not being able to find a proper answer.

“Uh, not particularly.” You chuckled.

“So maybe this one’s an answer. Or an apology from the universe for all of the turmoil.” He grinned. It was so characteristically Danny to always have something positive to say. He was a little ray of sunshine, never getting on anyone’s bad side and always trying to keep the peace. Normally, you loved him for it. Now, with the presentation of his new idea, you wanted to strangle him for instilling such an thought in your head. You wished he would have called Jake out on his abnormal behaviour, or scolded you for playing with fire. Perhaps, you thought that deep down, he knew what you were struggling with all along, and this was his way of letting you down easy. But, you would have preferred him to say anything other than speak encouragement for the incredulous notion, even if it happened to be him telling you that Sam hated you. Any discouragement for that little devil in your head would have been helpful.

“Probably just another lesson, Danny Boy.” You sighed, making a move towards your bottle of alcohol. You poured yourself another drink, hoping the subject would drop off into another, less invasive one.

“Not everything has to be a lesson, y/n.” He scolded, but his tone was light. “You’re allowed to have fun, too, you know.”

“Seems like more of a headache to me.” You grumbled as you screwed the cap back on the glass bottle.

“Jake is quite delightful to be around, actually.” He insisted. Instead of responding, you continued to focus on your drink. He tapped his foot against the ground in an impatient manner, expecting a response.

“Headache, Dan.” You finally answered. “Can’t really go sleeping around with my only friends. Sounds messy, to me. Perfectly fine how things are. If he wants to flirt himself to death, he can be my guest. I’m sure tomorrow he’ll come to his senses.”

“Always such a negative Nancy.” He let out a disapproving tsk. “Balls in your court. I won’t push you. On another note, I am willing to hear all about those so called lessons you seem to dread.” He took his earlier seat in the lawn chair, relaxing into it. He grabbed another beer as he did so. “If you want to share, of course.”

“You’d love to know, wouldn’t you?” You smiled.

“Yeah, obviously.”

“Little gossip rag?” You teased. He let out a laugh.

“So that’s what I get for wanting to help out a friend?”

“Yep,” you popped the p at the end of the word, giving him a smile. As much as you disliked his persuasion in regards to Jake, he was still your best friend. You couldn’t find it within yourself to stay annoyed with him. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must go freshen up. Winning a game of beer pong really takes a lot out of a person.”

“Oh, okay, whatever.” He rolled his eyes. “We let you guys win.”

“Careful.” You hummed. “Nobody ever teach you that you shouldn’t lie?” He waved you off, dismissing you completely. You shuffled away from him, your giggle lasting until you were long gone from his company.

You disappeared through the side door of the garage, leading into the kitchen of your home. When you got inside, the first thing you noticed was a group of people gathered by the table, mindlessly drinking and conversing about nothing spectacular. So much so, that you didn’t even bother to listen in or look for a familiar face. You continued on in search of the bathroom, happy to find it vacant. You closed the door behind you, letting the tough exterior fall along with a long sigh. You turned to the mirror, studying your face for a moment. Your makeup stayed valiant through the nights events, the only wear being your lipstick. You searched through your cupboards, locating your makeup box and pulled out the correct one, reapplying it where need be.

When you were satisfied, you did the rest of your business and washed your hands. When you returned to the hallway, the muted chatter in the kitchen was still lingering, but there was a softer, more alluring tone coming from the direction of your bedroom. You turned your head towards it, following the sound almost as if it were calling to you. When you peeked your head inside, a soft smile began to grow on your lips. Jake was sat on the edge of your bed, hair falling in front of his face, picking away at your acoustic guitar.

“I don’t remember giving you permission to play my guitar, Jacob.” You teased, but your words were gentle and there was no malice present in the air. He looked up to you, a bit startled by the sound of your voice.

“Oh, sorry. Figured you wouldn’t mind.”

“I don’t.” You assured him. “Why are you up here all alone? Party too boring for you?” You took a step inside, a step closer to him, one that you shouldn’t have made at all.

“No,” he shook his head, attention now focused on you. “Just a lot, I guess. It’s fun, I like it, but I’d rather do this.”

“Want me to leave you to it?” You asked, worried you had intruded. He laughed at your question.

“Asking me permission to stay in your own bedroom?” He cocked an eyebrow up, tilting his head to the side to make sense of the question. You almost expected a witty comment to follow, but he bit his tongue.

“No,” you said, pondering what you were really asking. “Uh, I guess I was just wondering if you wanted to be left alone.” You gave an anxious chuckle.

“You’re cute when you’re nervous.” He noted. “Don’t mind company, especially if it’s you.” You felt the same dreaded redness creep onto your cheeks, unsure if you should advance. He patted the spot beside him on your bed, finding your hesitancy in your own home ridiculous. You took to the mattress, sitting cross-legged beside him. Your eyes immediately drifted to his fingers on the fretboard, which lead to the veins standing so prominent on the back of his hand, all the way up his arm, and to the flash of skin you could see on his chest. Once you’d studied every available part of him, your eyes landed on his face. He gave you a smile, not feeling a need to chastise you for the admiration. “You want to play?” He asked. You shook your head, almost immediately rejecting the idea.

“N-no, I don’t really play much. The guitars are mostly here for decoration.” You lied. Soon after, you realized you couldn’t pull a trick like that on a seasoned musician.

“Hmm,” he lifted the guitar so the top was facing him, eyes dancing over the strings on the fretboard. Then, he pulled it away from him, checking over the back of the body of the guitar. “These strings are awfully worn in. The back seems to have a couple nicks from,” he safely put the guitar back in his lap, reaching over and hooking his finger through the chain on your neck. “A necklace.” He gave you a small smirk. Once again, the feeling of his hand sent shocks of electricity through every nerve in your body, setting you on fire. “The pick-guard is scratched to shit, and it happened to be in perfect tune when I picked it up.” He listed, letting the chain drop back to your body. Instead, he gently ran his knuckle over your cheek. “You lying to me, Angel?”

By that point, you knew there was no escaping the truth. “Okay, maybe I play a little bit. Not the best, though. Mostly just campfire tunes.” You shrugged, internally cringing at your pathetic attempt at a lie.

“I don’t think the owner of the pub on Main Street would ask you to play there if you weren’t any good, sweetheart.” There it was again, sweetheart, angel. He was trying to kill you with the pet names, you were sure of it. Once you moved past the terms of endearment, you snapped back to reality with a flash of dread. He had a laugh at your bewildered expression.

“Stalking me, Jacob?”

“No, although tempting. Could watch you play all day. You’ve got quite the voice.” He complimented. “Just happened to be there one night, got bit of a shock when you jumped up on stage.”

“You never said anything,” you said, watching him carefully. “I didn’t even know you were there. You didn’t come and say hi.” He gave a little shrug.

“I figured if you wanted everyone to know, you would’ve said something by now.” He explained, letting his fingertips dance over the strings, picking out a tune with ease. “I would have said hello, but I was worried you’d be embarrassed.”

“Oh,” you whispered “thank you, Jake.”

“No big deal.” He assured you. “Your secrets are always safe with me.” He gave another smirk, the sight tugging at your heart. “Is that why you came looking for me? Finally willing to give a few away?” Not even God could save you from the sinful look he casted in your direction. The change in tone almost gave you whiplash. You were sure your heart stopped for a moment, realizing how the scene might have looked. You didn’t seek him with any intention of something more, but you couldn’t help but feel him pulling you in further with each second that passed.

“You’d like that too much.” You mirrored his expression, hoping to feign some look of fake confidence. It worked on the outside, but inside, you were crumbling at the sight of him. His dark eyes felt so wrong looking at you in such a way, but you liked it more than you cared to admit.

“Not into pleasing others?” He teased, gaze flickering down to your lips. “Never pegged you as a sadist.”

“Like I said, lots you don’t know.” You chided. He chuckled, standing for a moment.

“You’d love for me to find out, though, wouldn’t you?” He placed the guitar back on its stand, carefully clasping the plastic latch to ensure it didn’t topple over. His eyes glided across your walls, taking in the minuscule details he’d never noticed before. He’d been in the room plenty of times, but never in such an intimate manner. His eyes settled on the little framed picture above your bed. He read the words after soaking in the photo. “Gold Dust Woman?” He hummed, his stare finally landing back on you. He got a small thrill watching you look up at him, eyes wide with anticipation.

“Great song.” You offered, realizing he’d picked up on the Rumours cover print you’d hand drawn the lyrics on.

“Very fitting for you.”

“What does that mean?” You chuckled.

“Gold Dust Woman…” he said, more to himself. “Beautiful name, beautiful girl.”

“A beautiful song, yeah. Not a beautiful story, though.” He shook his head, letting out a small laugh at your unwillingness to accept the compliment. “In fact, it’s quite sad.” He didn’t respond. Instead, he hummed the melody of the song to himself, completely unaware of anything other than the sound. As he did so, you found yourself admiring the sight of him in front of you, the exposed skin of his torso still keeping your attention and nearly making your mouth water. You knew you should get up, just walk out and leave before anything regretful ensued, but you were captivated in him. The scent from earlier not only lingering on his skin, but entangled in your sheets, now. You realized you’d be quite content if it never went away.

“You’re looking at me like you’re trying to figure me out.” He noted. You shook yourself out of the devils hold, returning to the conversation. “Are you trying to figure me out, Gold Dust Woman?”

“Maybe,” you said. “More importantly, trying to figure out if this is a good idea.”

“What, exactly?” He didn’t move from his position, seeking an advance from you, first. You rolled your eyes, tired of whatever game he was playing.

“The flirting, the touching… the secrets?” You listed. He gave a smile.

“Nothing wrong with harmless flirting,” he explained. “Unless you’re thinking about doing something shameful.” You didn’t know how to answer, afraid of saying the wrong thing. The whole situation was so surreal that you were questioning your own sanity. Half of you believed he may get you to profess your fantasy, then leave you there to wallow in it. But, from all you knew about Jake, he didn’t seem like a deceitful person.

“You aren’t?”

“Depends on what you’re thinking about, angel.” He took a step towards the door, causing your stomach to plummet. You sprung to your feet, ready to stop him in his tracks without a second thought. The idea of him leaving was worse than any other consequence the night could bring. He turned his head towards you, a sly smile stuck on his lips. He knocked the door closed with one swift motion of his arm, turning back towards you. You closed your eyes for a moment, feeling ridiculous at your own habit of jumping to conclusions. Of course he’d be making a move to close the door, rather than leave you by yourself. “Seems like you don’t want me to go.”

“Fuck, of course I don’t, Jake!” You sighed, frustrated with your own inability to make up your mind. He took a step towards you, brushing your hair from your face.

“What do you want?” His palm settled on your cheek, soaking up the warmth. “Hmm?” The little devil in your brain was screaming over every other rational thought. The memory of Sam was barely alive within you, your only focus being on the begging question of what he looked like out of his clothes. “You can say it, baby.” He was close enough that you could feel the vibration of his chest while he spoke.

“I…” you started, unable to properly formulate your words. He waited a moment, just to see if you’d say what he so badly wanted to hear. When you didn’t continue, he took it upon himself to guide you. His hand on your cheek drifted towards your neck, fingers barely touching the back of your neck while his palm grazed the side of it. His free hand found your hip, gently guiding your body into his. His head was downturned slightly to meet yours, his forehead just hovering over your own. The tip of his nose was brushing against the side of yours, the smell of whiskey on his breath was intoxicating all on its own. Every gravitational pull in the universe was pushing you closer to him, begging you to taste his lips, even just for a second. Your chest was burning, searching for oxygen as you continued to hold your breath. You were scared to move, still worried about advancing, but terrified he’d pull away.

“Is this better?” His words were barely above a whisper, but they hit you with force, soaking into your skin and settling in your bones. Your eyes were closed, revelling in the closeness, wanting to think of nothing other than the feeling of him. He lowered his mouth, just barely enough to brush his lips over yours. If the feeling wasn’t so electrifying, you thought you might miss it. With the newest invitation, every moral and ethical thought in your brain was silenced. The only one left was the same, little, red devil who’d been hoping for this the whole night. The only worry left in you was about him leaving without you getting the satisfaction of having him completely.

Without another thought, you pushed through the invisible barrier you’d drawn, finally pulling him into a kiss. His hold tightened, letting you know he was ecstatic about your decision. It was hungry, fuelled by all of tension you’d been feeling all night. You finally allowed yourself the pleasure of letting your hands explore him, something they’d been eager to do for hours. You fought with the two bottom buttons of his shirt, freeing him completely. You brushed in from his shoulders and he dropped his arms, letting it fall to the ground. Your fingers danced over the bare skin, wanting to know every intimate detail the fabric had been concealing. Without breaking the kiss, he slipped his hand from your hip to your ass, pulling you further into him with a force that made your head spin.

When you finally parted, you were breathless and void of any rationality. When he snaked his hands under your shirt to pull it over your head, you were more than willing to comply. You lifted your arms, allowing him to slip it off with ease. You could tell just by his movements that he’d been waiting to get you out of yours, too. His hands went straight for the buttons on your jeans, something in which you greatly encouraged. Once you were left exposed, he guided you to the bed and laid you back on the mattress. You didn’t have time to get a word out, because his mouth was back on yours and he was pulling your bottom lip between his teeth. If you were in your right mind, you would have been more focused on the fact that you were naked and he was still partially clothed. Also, probably concerned with how quickly the situation evolved into what it was. But, the curiosity of his hands was too pleasurable to complain about anything, and the gentle exploration was highly appreciated.

His fingers found your nipple, brushing against it softly, allowing you to get a feel for his touch. When the breath caught in your throat, he rolled it between his fingers, giving a soft pinch. He smiled against your lips when you tensed in response to the action, his cockiness still taking up space in the room, even during sex. His lips trailed from your lips down your neck, silently searching for another spot that would give him a reaction. He settled below your ear, lingering there after you’d let a breathy moan slip past your lips, pleased with himself once again. He made quick work at sucking marks into the skin, easy enough to hide, but present enough to remind you of him. The last thing he wanted was for you to wake up in the morning and forget all about him.

He was settled between your legs, one hand still resting on your breast while the other held himself steady on the mattress. After he was satisfied with his work on your neck, he continued further, familiarizing yourself with every available part of you. He let his teeth graze over your collarbone, the unfamiliar sensation seeing you on fire. If his mission was to leave you desperate for him, he’d done well. You were a mess below him, unable to contain the whimpers and sighs falling from your lips. You wanted more; the teasing and the playfulness was fun, but you’d been craving him all night. The wait was unbearable, almost making it hard to enjoy the attention he was already giving you. When he pulled your hardened nipple into his mouth, you realized you were completely willing to do whatever he asked of you, as long as there was a promise that he’d never stop.

In your desirous state, you realized that maybe that little devil you had in your brain was instilled in his, too.

No, you were certain the actual devil had buried himself in some part of Jake.

There was no rational explanation for the pleasure he was granting you just by his simple touches. It was sinful; every movement had to be laced with evil. Nothing pure could ever be so exhilarating. You were certain whatever power he had within his hands and his tongue had to be unholy, because in that moment, there was nothing you wouldn’t do to feel it again. The indisputable fact was hanging thick in the air: no matter how much guilt you felt about your entanglement with him, it was nothing in comparison to the inebriating feeling of him on your skin.

As his fingers sunk between your legs, dancing through the parts of you he’d been so desperate to know, you knew that you were fully tangled in his web. There was no way you could walk away from him, now. The act both of you were engaging in was blissful, that much was undeniable. But the lengths you would go to for the feeling of him between your legs was godless. You thought, if the decision of letting him bed you was a good one, there was no way it would have produced such an immoral desire within you. But, the mistake was already made, and you were dancing with the devil. Whether the devil being his hands or his tongue, or him as a whole, you weren’t sure. The relationship was solidified purely by lust, now, and no distance could drive away your need for him.

When his fingers slipped inside you and the pad of his thumb brushed over your clit, you were practically ready to come undone just by the first movement. Crying his name, biting your lips to silence yourself, but failing miserably. His unwavering silence was unnerving, but it was offset by the heaviness of his eyelids, pupils clouded with a longing for you that you’d never seen from another person. His lips were parted, gaze never moving from your face. He was completely enthralled in you, feral from the scene below him. The sight of him gave you some sort of comfort, knowing that the feeling between the two of you was mutual. He was willing to do the exact same things to have you underneath him forever.

“This is what you wanted, angel?” He asked, voice low and gravelly. “What you were too scared to ask for?”

“G-god, yes, Jake.” You breathed, wanting so badly to close your eyes and dissolve into pleasure, but finding yourself unable to look away from his face.

“Don’t ever be scared to ask again.” He said, looking down for a moment to let a trail of spit fall from his lips onto his hand. The act only tightened the knot in your belly even more. “I’d spend all day making you feel good, just to see those pretty faces you’re making,” he mumbled, eyes now focused on his fingers pumping into you. “Just to hear those gorgeous fucking noises.” His tone turned into a bit of a growl, as if he’d worked himself up even more just by talking about it.

“Fuck, Jake.” You let your head fall back to the pillow, finally breaking your stare from him. As you did so, he pulled his hand from you completely, causing a rise of panic in your chest. Before you had the chance to look up and see what was wrong, he’d sunk to his stomach on the mattress and hooked his arms underneath your thighs. In a single movement, he pulled you down towards him and onto his mouth.

The newly discovered form of pleasure was a million times more powerful than his hands. The talent he possessed in his fingers was minuscule compared to his tongue. He took his time, savouring every bit of you that he could, searing the memory into his brain forever. The taste of your arousal satisfied his need for you even further, making him wish he could live between your thighs for the rest of his life. When your hands snaked down and tangled themselves in his hair, he was certain he could’ve gotten off to that feeling alone. He worked at you, now only driven by his desire to bring you to an orgasm, needing to experience it as if it were necessary for his survival. He was practically begging you by the way he was using his tongue, as if he had to do beg to begin with. You were at the brink of an orgasm before he’d even started.

His fingers were digging into your hips, holding you on him like he was scared you’d disappear if he let go. You gripped at the roots of his hair, a plea for something, even if you weren’t sure what it was. Maybe for an orgasm, or for some compassion; you didn’t know if you wanted more or if you needed him to slow down. Everything about Jake was conflicting, but indescribably fantastic. You wished you hadn’t fallen into the trap, but there was nowhere else in the world you’d rather be.

“M’gonna cum,” You warned, barely able to get the words out. In response, he did nothing other than focus on you even more, as if it were possible. With his unwavering determination, it didn’t take much longer for you to unravel, spiralling into an orgasm stronger than any you’d ever had. It was earth-shattering, all the muscles in your body tense and stars dancing in your eyes. Your lungs burned for a hint of oxygen, as even your breathing stopped momentarily. When you started to come down, you weren’t even sure if you were still in the same realm. He tapered his pace once he noticed you relax against him, the hold you had on his hair beginning to loosen. Once your body was lax against the mattress, he pulled back. As greedy as it sounded, you wished he didn’t.

“Fucking divine, baby.” He mumbled, peppering kisses on the insides of your thighs. “Didn’t know someone could taste that good.” The words alone could have sent you into another orgasm. As much as you were enjoying the sentiment, the selfish part of you just wanted him to fuck you, now. Want wasn’t even a good enough word to describe it; you needed him. He wormed his way back up your body, wiping his face with his hand before pulling you into another kiss. This one was sweeter, less hungry than before.

When he pulled back and made a move to stand, a rush of excitement flooded through you. You watched him, anticipating the next move, hoping his hand would move to remove his belt. Instead, he bent down and picked up his shirt from the ground. The feeling of excitement was quickly replaced with dread. “Jake?” You asked, quickly rushing to sit up. He stood straight, pulling his shirt back on. He gave you a sly smile, one that made your blood run cold. He stepped towards you, lifting your chin with his finger and placing another kiss to your lips. You reached out for him, hoping your hold would change his course of action.

He parted from you, buttoning the same dreaded bottom two buttons. “Gotta leave something to the imagination.” He smirked, unwilling to change his mind. “If I fuck you now, you won’t invite me back.” If he only knew how wrong he was, he’d be laughing.

“Please, don’t go.” You didn’t care how desperate you sounded; him walking out the door was the most heinous act he could commit.

“As pretty as you sound begging for me, you’ll have to wait, angel.” He adjusted himself in his jeans, concealing any evidence of the acts you’d engaged in. “If you can’t sleep, you know my number. I’d be happy to help you out at least a little bit.” He sent a wink in your direction. The devil inside him was showing again, but in a much more malicious manner. He was being diabolical.

“Jake,” you warned, watching him with caution.

“I’ll strike you a deal, sweetheart. Just cause you’re so pretty.” He took one, single step towards you, just close enough so he could tuck your hair behind your ear. As much as he was set in his way, he still seemed to have a soft spot for you. “I was a bit greedy. I just couldn’t leave you here without a taste.” He crouched down, eye level with you, now. As mad as you were, the desire to kiss him was still very much present. “Needed something to think about when I’m alone, tonight.” He admitted. The thought of him getting himself off to you was driving you crazy; he had no idea the things you would do just to keep him in the room with you. Little to your knowledge, he was struggling to walk away, too. “Since you were so good for me, if you still want me to fuck you when you wake up in the morning, I’ll stay here all day. Any way you want it, however long you want it for. I’m all yours.”

“You can fuck me now, all night, if you want.” You professed, reaching out for his face. Your palm cupped his cheek, begging him to see reason.

“Ah,” he shook his head. “That wasn’t part of the deal.” He hummed, leaning in just a bit closer. “Like I said, baby. In the morning.” He said, lips dangerously close to yours, again. “If I fuck you now, you won’t need me to come back, and I really want you to want me to come back.” He gave you one last kiss, just enough to ensure you of his dedication.

“Okay,” you forced out, unhappy to be complying with such an unreasonable request. You were certain that if he fucked you now, you wouldn’t even be done with him by the morning. Even with the promise of his tongue alone, you’d be begging for his company. You didn’t need to wait for the sunrise to be sure of that.

He stood, brushing his thumb over your cheek and taking one last look over you, admiring the sight. With that, he turned towards the door. Before he stepped out, he looked back again with a smile. “See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” you sighed.

“Thanks for sharing your secrets, Gold Dust Woman.” Before another word was spoken, he had slipped out of the room and closed the door behind him. Now, in his absence, you were mortified at what you’d done, and felt even more shameful knowing how badly you wanted to do it again. You stared at the door where he’d been standing just seconds before, the same turmoil from earlier in the evening making a reappearance. You swallowed hard, well aware of the fact that you’d never be able to rid yourself of Jake, now. Never rid yourself of the desire for him, either. You had no idea what his intentions were, and it wasn’t like he’d been very clear about them, either. But, neither had you. You’d both fallen into the struggle of following your heart instead of your head, and it was sure to leave a path of destruction in its wake.

So you sat, stomach turning and head spinning, realizing what type of predicament you’d caught yourself in. You were undoubtedly in love with Sam, and now, completely in lust with his brother. Or, Satan himself. You still weren’t sure which title fit him better. He looked like Jake, spoke like him, but his ability to make you into such a fool for his sin came completely natural; almost as if it wasn’t even a struggle for him to make you fall to his feet with a single snap of his fingers. One feeling so innocent and pure, and the other absolutely concupiscent and filthy.

No matter which way you looked at it, you found no logical way around either emotion. No solace existing in your brain, either. You couldn’t help but feel ridiculous for being upset over your own stupidity, knowing the only one to blame was yourself. You curled up in your blankets, desperately searching for sleep, seeking a moment of peace. The only thing you could hope for was that maybe the morning could bring some form of clarity. But, hope was a fabled idea, and you’d already dug your grave too deep to climb out of it. No sunrise could rid you from the looming regret hanging over your shoulders.

Rock on, Gold Dust Woman

Take your silver spoon, dig your grave

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inmyheadimobsessed · 1 year

Text

More Than I Should {pt. 1}

pairing: riri ✘ black!fem!reader

series summary: riri williams hated you. from the cold stares and the snide remarks, there was no other conclusion to be drawn. the logical response in this circumstance would be to ignore her, avoid her at all costs. you weren't friends, so this should be an easy task. you only had one class with her, and you rarely saw her around campus outside of it. that was until you started dating her best friend. suddenly you'd found yourself thrusted directly into her life, and suddenly her attitude towards you was becoming an issue. you were never one to care what people thought of you, but something about riri captured your need to please. it was easy to convince yourself you only cared because of your boyfriend. she was his best friend, so the two of you needed to get along. he was none the wiser, chalking her coldness toward you up to her naturally standoffish nature. but you knew better. one way or another, riri williams was going to like you, you would make sure of it. (or the one where you're on a mission to make your boyfriend's best friend like you and the two of you end up falling for each other instead)

chapter summary: riri likes to stare, you'd gathered. she hates you, but enjoys watching you. everything she does leaves flustered and confused, and craving her approval. all of which goes unnoticed by your boyfriend. a party leads to drinking and drinking leads to riri reluctantly driving you home, where she extends a slither of kindness.

word count: 9.4k

contains: angst, CHEATING, fluff, smut (eventually) 18+, reader has a boyfriend, friendship betrayal, lying, riri is mean (at first), reader is a baby gay (very confused), jealousy, slow burn (kinda), and just a lot of mess

tags: @verachii @szalipcombo @rxcently @coolestgay @widowmakker @fetchyourlife @blackgcomica @n7cje @shurisbbymama @bestfriend491 @mocha-aya @uhwhatsay @shinsousliya @bratydoll @shuriswifereal @shuriri4life @letitias-fav @axailslink @chidinma @xoxo-dede @yvxmpire @generallysapphic @mbakuetshurisprincess @quintessencewrites @adeola-the-explorer @dejaonline @bubshri @zayswriting @la-reine-insane @shurisjournal

divider by: @firefly-graphics

note: soo this is gonna be a series. this idea came to me while i was listening to some of my favorite sapphic cheater bops, specifically 'ur best friend' by kehlani & kiana ledé and 'more than i should' also by kehlani & jessie reyez, hence the name. i think we can gather two things here: 1. i love kehlani and 2. i love sapphic cheaters and i will always root for them. so fun! if cheating is not something you enjoy reading about, please do not read this fic because i plan to make it very messy lol. obviously i don't condone cheating irl or whatever, this is FICTIONAL! i feel like i have to say that idk. but for my chaos enjoyers, this is for you. mwah <33

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“You know she hates me right?” Your eyes climbed your boyfriend's lanky frame. You watched his laugh build from his core: abs flexing under his white T-Shirt, throat bobbing as his neck sprung backward, allowing the glorious sound to escape his lips. Loud, genuine, hearty — this was the only way Hakeem knew how to laugh. It consumed his entire face, breaking his deep dimples free every time.

A smile of your own was inevitable. Hakeem’s laugh made you laugh, but you were being one hundred percent serious with your accusations. “She does. That girl cannot stand me. And I know she don't want me here.”

“She don't hate you, she just… needs more time to warm up to you. She don't really like new people like that.” His laughter subsided and he lifted his fist to bang on the large garage door. It was obnoxiously loud, echoing in your ears and you winced. You rolled your eyes, at his words and at his actions. How much more warming did she need to do? Was three months not enough time to warm up to a person?

She should be sweltering. “Yeah well, she need to speed up the damn process cause I ain't going nowhere.”

He raised an eyebrow, eyes brimming with curiosity. “Oh, you not?”

“No. We locked in buddy, and your lil best friend need to get on board with that.” You couldn't fight your pout and his eyes softened the moment he noticed it.

He cupped your cheek, palm warm and calloused as you nuzzled into it. “I know how important it is for you to be liked. Just give it a little longer okay? She gon come around.”

You nodded and he kissed you gently. The door swung open then, but Hakeem refused to pull away. You, on the other hand, couldn't stand the idea of her watching you kiss him. When you broke apart, you weren't the least bit surprised to find her eyes already on you. It was a habit of hers, studying you, sizing you up. It wasn't hard to guess what she was thinking; Riri's expression broadcasted just how she felt about your being there. Her stare was intense too, and it made you feel exposed. Brown eyes housing the potential to heat, glared at you in the coldest of ways, shooting darts of ice right into your chest.

Hakeem was incorrect in his assumption about your need to be liked, the opinions of strangers mattered very little to you. But you let him believe that was the case, you thought it easier than admitting the truth. Riri’s opinion of you mattered for some reason, hers alone. That was the truth. An innocent one on the surface, she was your boyfriend's best friend. She was important to him, which in turn made her judgment important to you. However, the crippling guilt you felt each time you thought of her, and sought her approval made you acutely aware that your truth was not solely pure.

There was something else there and you refused to understand it. You weren't entirely sure you even could if you tried.

“Nigga why the fuck you banging on my shit like the feds?” She stepped aside, letting the two of you in as she gave you another once-over. “And why you brought her non-smoking ass? She not gon do nothing but sit there.”

Hakeem laughed, winking at you as he tugged you along past Riri, but you couldn't find the joke. He shrugged, “She wanted to come.”

“To do what?”

You ignored their back and forth about you. It was their pattern and quite frankly you couldn't bring yourself to be bothered. Being the center of attention was sometimes entertaining.

“Bruh chill. She not gon do nothing, just let her hang.”

Riri rolled her eyes, “That’s exactly my point. Her energy be fucking up my vibe and shit.”

You roamed the partially messy space, taking interest in some blueprints Riri had pinned to her board. It was your first time in her garage so you couldn't help your fascination. Being amongst her sketches, her creations, her tools; it was like stepping inside her brain. According to Hakeem, she only invited those who she trusted. Your being there was obviously not for that reason, but you were flattered nonetheless. Her willingness to let you in the door was something, right?

Fingers traced the images before you as your curiosity flared. Some of the diagrams looked familiar, but with a twist only achievable by the young scientist. You could tell a lot of work was put into all of it. Skilled, meticulous. “Riri, what are you building? This looks really cool.”

Her head snapped up and she darted to your side, completely abandoning her bickering with your boyfriend. “Don't touch that. Move.”

“We went over something similar in class, I was just wondering–” You reached for the paper once more, eyes twinkling in amazement, but you startled when she ripped it down.

Annoyance buzzed off her as she balled it up and tossed it into the trash. “See why ion want her around? She don't mind her damn business Keem.”

You eyed her, confused. You truly saw no issue with admiring her work. You appreciated a great mind, but maybe you’d offended her in some way. “Sorry Riri, I didn't mean to–”

“Well, you did.”

Hakeem spoke up, clearing his throat, “Okay nah, ease up on her. She ain't do nothing.”

You watched as Riri’s stiff body visibly relaxed at the bass in your boyfriend's voice. Her shoulders shifted downward in her orange sweater, slouching a little and she sighed. “You right. I just need to smoke, I'm kinda on edge right now.”

She turned to you and you caught a flash of something in her eyes. Something unfamiliar, something… apologetic. “My bad.”

When she spoke, her voice came out soft and rushed. Delicate, like she was desperate to comfort with words. A lousy ‘my bad’ was hardly an apology in your book, but for reasons unbeknownst to you, you were willing and eager to accept it. Being angry at her didn't even cross your mind. Her tone alerted you of her intentions and it was enough for you.

“It's okay.” A small smile formed on your face, it was quick, but she caught it. Riri didn't return the gesture, and you hadn't expected her to. You were content with the simple fact of her knowing you were not upset. There was a moment where you two stared at each other for longer than appropriate and you found yourself holding your breath. One beat, two beats, three; neither of you looked away. It was difficult, you found. It was difficult to tear your eyes from hers.

Hakeem’s arm snaked around your waist, pulling you in closer and he did the same thing to Riri. You peered up at his gorgeous face as he beamed, pearly whites and dimples on full display. “Aww look at my girls. See this is progress, Ima make sure y’all love each other soon, watch.”

You laughed at his enthusiasm and so did Riri, a rare moment of synchronism between the pair of you. Hakeem had that effect on almost everyone. He was inviting and convincing, impossible to deny.

“I'm finna roll up.” He let you both go and jogged to the couch in the back corner of the garage. Riri looked at you again before walking away. Those eyes, they knew just how to stir you, no matter the duration of the stare. Something always came alive when she watched you, creating even more confusion within you. You ignored it, because of course you did. Deciphering Riri’s coded glances was not a task you found yourself wanting to do.

A strange feeling barred you from trying, and you wanted no part in that either.

She followed after him and you after her, plopping right into Hakeem’s lap as you always did when the three of you hung out. Or rather when they hung out and you third wheeled. No matter, you had to solidify your place in his life, she needed to know you were there to stay. Riri Williams needed to grow used to having you around.

•••

“Just pick up the damn cards nigga, on my momma you doing too much.” He sounded amused, but his words housed a twinge of irritation. This tone of voice, the over-exaggerated drawl on syllables, was one you knew well as a girlfriend who enjoyed pushing buttons.

Riri shook her head, hellbent on ignoring him. “Y’all cheating cause how y’all both dropped two draw fours on me? Nah, I ain't picking up shit.”

“Bro, just pick up the cards.”

You looked between the two of them, holding your own cards to your chest. You’d moved out of Hakeem’s lap when he asked you to play, still using the space as a leg rest. His fingers massaged your ankle and toyed with your gold anklet as you sat silently, enjoying the show they were putting on for you.

He was adamant about making her pick up all eight cards, but Riri refused to let up. Firm in her belief that you two were cheating. You were, but of course, you had no plans to admit that. He’d slipped you the card when she inhaled the last pull of the blunt and you giggled.

“If I pick them up, how I know you don't got four more shoved up your ass just waiting to fuck with me again? No.”

This got a laugh out of you and Hakeem smack your foot. Riri was too smart for her own good, there should be no way for her to know you were working against her, but alas.

Hakeem stood his ground, declaring his innocence yet again but she was not buying it. “Man come on, you messing up the game.”

“Well, game over now. Cause I know y’all cheating. I don't care.” Riri threw her remaining cards onto the weathered coffee table, kicking her feet up onto the sofa.

“Bruh, why you can't just take the L and move on?”

She laughed, glancing at him as he threw his head back in frustration. He’d really believed he could win the game amidst his scheme, it was adorable. You took this as an opportunity to crawl back into his cargo-clad lap to cuddle and console him.

“Aww, baby, I'm sorry you lost.” Your head found his chest, poking his stomach and he chuckled. Hakeem was nothing short of a big baby, whining and huffing whenever he didn't get his way. You possessed the skills to end all his theatrics though, one method being tickling.

He laughed under your touch, kissing your forehead before shutting his eyes. Eyes. A different set was on you. When you peered across the space, the culprit revealed themself. Riri was watching you again, this time in sheer disgust. Her scowl was a thing of nightmares and it unnerved you. Suddenly you felt embarrassed, ashamed to have shown your boyfriend even the slightest drop of affection.

An overt expression of disdain; the scientist seemed shameless as her eyes flung sharp daggers in your direction. The look sliced at your skin, once again leaving you feeling bare.

“What?” You questioned, voice a dry croak.

Riri rolled her eyes and sat up, repeating your question mockingly. “What?”

“Okay...” You decided not to press it and went back to cuddling your boyfriend. Riri refused to cease her stare though. Hot, searing irises burned a hole through your flesh as you clung to Hakeem, who'd apparently dozed off at some point. Your arms looped around his torso, head against his stable chest. His heartbeat, consistent and calm like still waters, contrasted yours entirely.

The rhythm in your chest was but an uneven swell, rippling erratically the longer you held her gaze. Riri sensed your attempt to challenge her and she leaned forward, spreading her legs as she strategically placed her elbows atop her knees. The ends of her braids draped her shoulders, making her appear harder than you knew her to be. It was unsettling. Her expression did not falter, but you felt your own on the verge of cracking.

You watched her, unblinking, and she quirked her brow. Your sensitive skin tingled the longer she kept her eyes on you. Every tendon in your body pleaded with you to release them, allow them to loosen and cower away but you denied them the luxury. Two could play in this game.

Riri very obviously sought to intimidate you with her glances and it was working, but she didn't need to know that. You scanned her body, her posture, taking her in fully. Her eyes were bloodshot and barely open as she gaped at you, which somehow made the tension-thick air even less breathable.

The garage sat silently in wait, much like the two of you, anxious to see who would be the first to break. Riri’s whirring machines and the subtle snores Hakeem breathed out were the only audible sounds in the space. When he stirred under you, your body jerked. It startled you and ripped your focus from your consuming staring match with his best friend. You’d lost, just like in UNO. Riri smirked at you, pride in her victory evident by the way her lips curved. She got up, and with the utmost grace. Sitting down you appeared shorter than her, and as she strode closer to you, you grew frantic.

She said nothing as she towered over your body, still sporting that devious smirk. You weren't breathing and she knew that. Eyes fanned you up and down languidly, then she reached forward and you flinched. Evidently in vain because she was not reaching toward you, but instead toward your slumbering boyfriend. She slapped his face lightly to wake him, catching your eyes fleetingly as she did so.

You exhaled when she moved back, dizziness and confusion swirling inside your head.

“Wake up. Y’all gotta get up outta here.” She crossed her short arms, waiting for Hakeem to rise.

Seconds later, he did exactly that, yawning before pecking your cheek. The gesture calmed you a little, recentering your buzzing thoughts. “You kicking us out already?”

“Yes. I got shit to do and like I said, she fucking up my vibe.” A quick glance came your way before she turned her attention back to your boyfriend.

“She ain't doing shit, you just a hater. But we'll go, leave you to your super secret whatever the fuck.” He tapped your thigh and you stood, hugging your middle as you waited.

Once on his feet, he stretched dramatically, as he often did. It made you smile. He dapped Riri up before taking your hand in his and leading you toward the door you entered earlier. “Aight, Ima catch you tomorrow. Please don't blow the place up.”

“Yeah, whatever.” She chuckled, wide and toothy. You found yourself appreciating her smile. It was genuine and you liked that.

“Bye Riri.” You waved and were surprised when she cocked her head, acknowledging your goodbye. Warmth slithered throughout your system, clogging the punctures created by her watchful eyes. You grinned wider when you stepped out into the cool night air, walking hand in hand to your boyfriend's car.

•••

Tired eyelids fluttered shut for the fourth time during your lecture and your head descended to your open laptop, making you jerk up when your face collided with the keys. Your eyes widened as they darted around, desperate to know if your mishap was witnessed by anyone. Luckily, the number of students was sparse, and everyone seemed just as checked out as you, good. Everyone except for her. Much to your chagrin, Riri was the only person who saw you, because of course it would be her. The remnants of her light laughter caught your attention, making you turn your head to face her.

That everlasting smirk hung on her face as it did routinely, smug and jeering. Her expression displayed pity and you scoffed. How dare she pity you?

You squinted at her, shooting her a disapproving glower and she rolled her eyes in response. Within seconds, she’d returned to her own laptop, tapping away and zoning out for the remainder of the class. It irked you, the way she so easily dismissed your presence. Rarely did she regard you in the classroom, if at all, and when she did this was precisely how it always went. Like you were a bother and something easily forgotten.

When class was over she shot up, ready to book it out the door. Usually, you’d let her leave first to avoid any run-ins with her attitude, but today you were a little more than hopeful as you scurried after her.

“Hey! Hey Riri!” You called but she kept walking, short legs and tiny feet carrying her far. “Riri!”

“Oh my god, what?” Her head whipped around, knocking you back some. Regret bubbled in your stomach. You’d given yourself rules, usually, you followed the rules. Number one being steer clear of her if Hakeem was not present. It was for your own sanity as much as it was for hers.

Her bored pupils coupled with the uncontained irritation painting her face reminded you exactly why rules were a thing. Riri’s impatience was palpable and it beamed off her in heated waves, melting away your spurt of confidence.

There was no turning back now though, you had her attention. “Dr. Lucas is really boring huh? I almost fell asleep so many times during his lecture, it’s crazy.” Small talk accentuated your awkwardness. It was a curse, truly, and it was causing the shorter girl to screw her face up more.

“Yeah.” Her reply was clipped and curt, but it wasn’t like you expected anything more.

You blinked, breathing slowly in attempts to steady your racing pulse. God, her eyes were crafted with the specific intent to scrutinize. They scanned you, studying your mouth as it moved, pointless words spilling out of you with seemingly no end. And there it was again, that irritation. You had no idea how she did it, how she possessed the ability to rattle you so. With minimal effort at that.

“I took some notes, but I just couldn’t keep my eyes open you know? It’s like man you really putting me to sleep when I should be learning, you should be teach–”

Riri huffed, cutting you off immediately. You’d prepared for it, but the action still stung. “Is there a point to this conversation?”

“Well uh–” You stammered, having lost control of the train carrying your thoughts.

She smirked, “Use your words.”

“Hakeem and I are getting food later!” A lie, but one that could easily be morphed into the truth with a simple text. Your boyfriend was the king of spontaneity.

“Um okay, have fun? The fuck?” She spun on her heels, ready to leave you and your gaping mouth behind, but you grabbed her wrist. A mistake. Riri looked offended, like the very act of your hand on hers was in some way insulting. Her gaze panned from where your skin touched to your face. “You’re touching me.”

You ripped your palm away from her wrist hurriedly and cleared your throat, “Uh, yeah I'm sorry. But I- do you wanna come with me? And Keem? To Freeda’s?”

“No.”

You’d seen firsthand how much she loved their fries, Riri had never once turned down food from Freeda’s, so you knew she was saying no just to spite you.

“You sure? You know I work there, I can get you all the free fries you want.” You teased with a pleading grin.

A spark of excitement flashed in her irises, and you were certain you’d hooked her. But when she opened her mouth, your face fell. “Nah.”

She left without another word and you frowned. Now you were irritated, not just by her rejection, but by your own desperation. Why'd you have to approach her in the first place? The outcome of that conversation would be obvious to anyone. You sighed because you were hungry now too, so you decided to text Hakeem anyway. He could cheer you up. Fries too, fries would cheer you up.

You: Hey baby, meet me at Freeda’s in 20?

Keem: Bet.

•••

You had about forty minutes left in your shift, but waiting impatiently for the old couple in the far corner of the diner to finish their meal made it seem closer to forever. They looked happy though, and you couldn't help your smile. The image of them made you think of yourself and Hakeem at their age. Would the two of you make it there? Was he your one?

He hadn't arrived at the time he promised and it annoyed you some. You needed his presence around as a distraction from your thoughts.

The conversation, or lack thereof, you had with Riri soured your mood for most of your shift. You just couldn't shake the feeling you’d messed things up with her even more after that encounter. The way she looked at you when you grabbed her arm played on a loop with every order you took. Her face colored in pure disgust, eyes wild and accusing.

The diner was small and not very busy this late in the night, so the quiet gave you too much time to mull over every detail. You munched on fries as you sat at one of the empty booths, but they weren't doing the job of making you feel better. Something was missing. Hakeem and his pretty smile were missing. He’d be feeding you fries and allowing you to pout like he always did when you were upset. What use was having a boyfriend if he wasn't on call to rub your back and feed you whenever you needed?

“Thanks, y’all have a good weekend!” You smiled, waving at the couple on their way out the door. They were your last customers of the night and you sighed. At least you could eat your cold fries shamelessly without the fear of judgment.

The door dinged as you popped the greasy piece of potato into your mouth and your eyes shot up lazily. A grimace formed on your lips when a familiar face sporting a soft, apologetic smile greeted you.

“I know, I know, I'm hella late. But I actually have a good excuse.” He scooted in next to you and bumped your shoulder playfully.

“No. I'm mad at you.” You tossed a fry at his face and he winced dramatically, grabbing his chest as if you’d wounded him. He was attempting to make you smile, but you wouldn't let him off that easily.

Hakeem wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you impossibly closer and you almost broke. Almost. “I had a shitty day and you were supposed to be here to distract me from the shitty thoughts caused by my shitty day.”

“I'm sorry baby. My shit wouldn't start, you know how that car be giving me problems. I slick need a new one for real.” He pecked your cheek, soft and sweet and you had to wrestle a sigh of relief. His lips on your skin did many things for you, but you weren't done being annoyed with him just yet.

You pouted and he mirrored it, somehow appearing even cuter than he already was. Those pleading brown eyes and quivering lips were enough to make you fold. You grinned wide, poking his dimple. His reciprocated smile rivaled your own as he pulled you in for a kiss. The kiss was desperate on your end and you whined against his mouth. If only he knew how much you’d craved his lips all night.

Hakeem pulled away and pecked your forehead, lifting your legs into his lap. Fingers rubbed your thighs, smoothing up and down, and you relaxed into the feeling. There was something amazing to be said about his effortless ability to comfort and soothe. It was so simple for him, so natural. His eyes were on your face, reading you as one would an open book. “Let me guess, Riri?”

“Yes. Your stupid best friend ruined my day.”

His chuckle lit up his entire face, making his chest bounce and you threw another fry at him. “What her short butt do now?”

“She was mean to me.”

“Ain't she always?”

You shot him a glare and he apologized immediately, throwing his hands up. “I'm sorry she was mean to you. I’ll make sure to yell at her when she–”

Before he could finish, the bell dinged again and in walked the devil. You groaned at the sight of her and she was quick to do the same. Riri had changed out of her hoodie and jeans from earlier. She now wore loose-fitting cargo shorts and an oversized Aaliyah T-Shirt with gold jewelry that complemented her complexion. Her braids framed her face with the middle part she rocked and they swayed past her waist. She looked good.

She stuck her hand in her pocket as she approached the booth, hesitant to sit in front of you and Hakeem. Eventually, she did and like clockwork, her eyes found you.

“Why she said you was mean to her?” Hakeem questioned and Riri scoffed.

The scientist sucked her teeth, examining your cozy position next to her best friend, “Ain't nobody was mean to her.”

You stayed silent, words have never been kind to you in her presence, so you thought it best to avoid them.

Hakeem grabbed your hand, lacing your fingers together and you smiled to yourself. “Now we both know that's a lie. What I tell you about easing up on her? Got my girl all sad and shit.”

“It's fine Keem. I'm over it.” You lied, scanning Riri's unbothered form in front of you. Her arms were crossed and she eyed the basket of cold fries you were previously munching on.

“Y’all want fries?” Riri’s reaction was the only one you checked for and sure enough, her eyes lit up like a Christmas Tree. They both nodded and you stifled a laugh, pushing Hakeem out so you could get up.

Before you went to the back, he reached for your wrist, eyes gentle and concerned as he watched you. “You sure you good?”

Your response was a short peck and you nodded.

“What I tell you bout giving out free food to your friends?” Your manager Benny quizzed with a hot glare. You rolled your eyes grabbing the baskets of fries anyway.

“It's just fries.” He groaned in response before walking away. Benny was all bark no bite, and he let you get away with a lot, not that you were complaining.

When you returned to the table, Riri and Hakeem were laughing at something on his phone and you smiled at the sight of them. Both their faces grew brighter when the aroma of greasy fried food hit their nostrils; they were practically salivating.

“Here you go babe, and here's your ranch,” You placed the basket in front of him and kissed his cheek before turning to Riri. “And I made sure to put that seasoned salt you like on there.”

Her face expressed shock, but only briefly before she grabbed the fries from you, fingers brushing over yours in the process. “Thanks.”

The first word she'd uttered to you since her infamous “nah” earlier and it made you oddly content to be thanked by her. You sat, watching them eat as you sneakily tried to take one of Hakeem’s fries. He smacked your hand away instantly, and you whined.

“Ion even know why you tried that,” Riri spoke up and you shifted slightly. She was right, Hakeem never shared food with anyone, not even you.

You cleaned up after they finished and the two of them fell into a conversation about Hakeem’s car. “You sure you can have it ready by Sunday? I gotta drive up to see my grandma, she in the hospital.”

“You know I gotchu man. I might actually be able to get it to you tomorrow if it's just your engine again. If it's something else, we'll shoot for Sunday.”

Hakeem shook his head and she looked confused, “Nah you can't tonight. I got a party to go to.”

Riri raised her brow, face unimpressed. “And what that got to do with me?”

“Wait lemme rephrase. We got a party to go to, all three of us. You gotta drive.”

Your head jerked at the same time Riri’s did, “Oh nah.”

“No.” Good to know the word was just as icy when she shot it at him.

He huffed, rolling his eyes at the both of you. “So y’all not tryna slide? It's Friday night.”

You shook your head, “Absolutely not. I'm way too tired and I got homework. Plus, I ain't dressed for no damn party.” You gestured to your work shirt, riddled with stains, and your jeans. Hakeem nodded in agreement, making you scoff.

“And I just don't wanna go.” Riri added.

“Look, Riri can just get you home, you can change real quick, and we can go.” He poked out his bottom lip knowing it would make you weak.

Riri’s dry laugh let the both of you know exactly what she thought of that idea. There was no need for words, and yet, she said them anyway. “That ain't happening. I already didn't wanna come here, but now you telling me I gotta drive her home, wait for her to change, drive to a party I don't wanna go to, then drive the both of y’all back to your separate apartments? And I ain't heard nothing bout no gas money either. You got me fucked up.”

She had a point. It was a lot and you didn't want to be a burden, nor did you even want to go to the party. You looked at her stern face for longer than necessary, and instead of snarling at you, her eyes softened. They regarded you kindly. Odd. But you took it.

“Riri’s right.” Your attention was still on her and you could've sworn you saw the glint of a smile under all that rubble.

But of course, Hakeem got his way, and you were now on your way to your place to shower and change. Riri begrudgingly agreed, but not before spitting a few choice words at her best friend. Words that you agreed with, words that made you giggle.

Riri and Hakeem sat in your small living room while you got ready. You were strapped for time, so black leggings and a simple backless halter top made the most sense for the night, pairing the outfit with your black and white dunks. Casual, yet still very cute. If you got cold later you would just steal Hakeem’s hoodie.

“Baby, can you tie this for me?” You called, stepping out of your bedroom. You loved the top, but tying it in the back was always a chore. You shoved your back in his face giving him no choice in the matter, which meant your accentuated bosom was facing Riri, who sat across from you.

Hakeem struggled with the strings; you could tell by his long sighs that he was frustrated, but you were too caught up in the way Riri sat silent and unmoving as she watched — no ogled you, to care. Her eyes honed in on your chest, gulping anxiously at your barely covered breasts. It was fascinating, garnering this reaction from her. She did nothing to conceal her stare. It was blatant and open. Probably because she was too caught up in it to notice anything else, like your awareness. She’d never regarded you with anything similar to awe before and you quite liked the look on her face. Hot was hot you guessed, even if she did hate you.

You smirked, deciding to play into it. “Ugh, Keem baby you doing the shit wrong.”

“I never said I knew what I was doing.”

Your glance alerted her immediately of your plan and she shifted uncomfortably. She looked flustered. Like actually flustered at the simple thought of what you would request. Being on the other side of this sort of torment boosted your ego, you loved it.

“Riri, can you help me? I know it'll be easy for you.” You sang your words, practically sauntering toward her and she stuttered. She floundered nervously, drowning in your sentence and your drawl.

“Uh, yeah.” Her voice cracked a little, but only you noticed because you were looking for it, planned for it even.

Your eyes traveled up the short girl and she cleared her throat when she realized she'd been caught staring at your cleavage. A grace fueled twirl turned your back to her, but said grace evaded your body the moment fingers grazed your spine. Riri gripped the strings, yanking them tighter than necessary as she tied your top. The harshness of the act, the bite — it made you gasp, trapping a bubble of air in your throat and you covered your mouth.

Your neck twisted to face Hakeem immediately. He was blissfully unaware and scrolling through his phone. Good. An unfamiliar sensation coursed through you, heating your ears and leaving you embarrassed at your reaction.

“There you go. Now can we leave so I can get this damn night over with?” She shoved you away slightly and you tiptoed back to where Hakeem sat on your couch’s armrest.

His smile was breathtaking when he looked up from his screen to you, eyes twinkling in sync with his earrings. “You so damn fine.”

“Boy shut up.”

Hakeem pulled you in by your waist and bit his lip. “Come here.”

A blush crept up your exposed back, searing you all over as he took you in. You leaned in to kiss him and he grabbed your ass, making you screech. “Keem stop it, oh my god!”

“You ready.” He whispered, lips padding over yours still.

You nodded with a smile, then pecked him again.

“We going or what? Cause I can leave y’all to finish whatever it is y’all starting over there.” Riri’s voice echoed in the small space and you froze just as Hakeem rolled his eyes at her.

He got up and grabbed your hand making you smile wide. You loved having his hand in yours, it made you feel protected and safe, even here. “Ayo why you always so damn grumpy? Do all short people be that grumpy all the time?”

Riri was not a fan of the teasing. She trekked to the door without a word, clearly not caring if either of you followed behind her or not.

•••

Sitting in the backseat of Riri’s car did not shield you from those eyes of hers. Each time she peered at you through the rearview mirror, you shuddered, mind racing back to the feeling of her hands on you. You couldn't stop thinking about how roughly she’d handled you. Your insides bristled and shame consumed you. Because you liked it.

There had to be a logical explanation lurking somewhere beneath your puzzling thoughts. Your attention shifted to the city lights now, taking them in as Riri zipped down the road. Maybe their gleams could give you some insight. Maybe you only thought you liked the feeling, when what you really enjoyed was the kindness she'd shown you. Riri helped you without protest, without contempt. That's what you liked.

With that conclusion drawn, you decided to give your brain a break, refusing to delve into the other thing she did that made your insides swivel. You refuted the idea of it entirely, tucking it in the depths of your thoughts.

The party would do you some good, help you unwind. You just wanted to enjoy good music, get drunk, and grind on your man.

Hakeem opened the door for you and stuck his hand out. “So chivalrous, oh my.”

“You know how I do.”

You gripped his right and he extended his left for Riri. For a moment she just watched his palm with a scowl and crossed arms, but when Hakeem brought out the dimples, she cracked. She plastered on a smile of her own and shook her head before snatching his waiting hand.

“Mmm, yeah. That's what I thought.”

If anyone could put her in a good mood, it was him. A twinge of jealousy struck you then. Unexpected and shifty as it arose — the feeling unnerved you. You weren't jealous of Riri or her dynamic with your boyfriend. That was never the case. Your mind had been betraying you all night, and this was just another instance of that. Alcohol would fix it, it would fix everything.

The three of you walked up the steps as a unit, hands swinging back and forth per Hakeem’s doing. You giggled lightly, widening your smile when you caught Riri doing the same. She made no move to shift her happiness when she grew aware of your gaze, instead she quirked her lips, aiming the expression directly at you. The gesture made you blush and you soaked up the fondness there. Housing it because the likelihood of it happening again was practically nonexistent.

Entering the house party was like stepping into a packed sauna. Warm bodies filled the tight space, bumping into the three of you as you attempted to maneuver through the crowd. Lil Durk blared from the speakers and a steady rhythm bounced in your system. You guys had barely moved past the front door before you began feeling sticky.

Liquor mingled with the rancid smell of piss and nausea threatened you. The flashing lights were not helping. Bright beams made an already dizzy mind all the more unsteady. How you were talked into coming here, a mystery unsolved.

You shot a glance at Riri still clinging to her best friend's hand and her bored facial expression told you she too regretted coming. Hakeem on the other hand, looked elated to be there. His eyes roamed the filled living room, presumably looking for the nearest place to get alcohol.

“Y’all want a drink?” He asked in that giddy tone of his. You should shake your head, say no, but you needed to forget a few things. A nice buzz would assist you in doing exactly that. You nodded and Riri did the opposite, finally letting go of his hand.

You trailed her steps as she walked away. It wasn't good to split from the people you came with in an unfamiliar setting, you thought, so keeping an eye on her was the smart thing to do. She trotted off to a corner, propping her back against the wall. By her stance, you could tell she would not be moving for the rest of the night.

“Stay here, Ima be back,” Hakeem instructed before leaving to get your drinks. You did not need to be told twice.

When he returned, he placed a red solo cup in your hand before knocking his own back within seconds. So that's how the night was going to go. Great.

“Come here baby.” You sipped your drink and he pulled you to him making you giggle. Hakeem’s hands found your bare waist, and you began to sway to the current song. The look in his eyes melted away any apprehension you had about the party, his touch once again providing you with security.

When he spun you, he hooked his chin over your shoulder. A giggle climbed your throat at the feeling of his wet lips on your neck. You pushed your ass back against him, knowing it would drive him insane. The low growl he breathed out was a confirmation and a cry for you to continue. You obliged, bending over and grinding into him hard. The liquid in your cup was strong as you down the last of it, tugging on a cough and you breathed out.

Unrest melted away the longer you two danced, confidence taking its place, no doubt brought on by the alcohol swirling in your system. Hakeem’s chest pressed tightly against your back and he allowed his fingers to graze your butt. Now that was something you liked, the sensation of his hand there, the way he touched you with care. He was asking for permission to go further and you granted it with a roll of your hips. An action that contrasted Riri’s earlier one entirely.

The icy sweep of his gold chain along your naked back sent a thrill through you. You smirked, reaching your hand up to wrap around his neck and he chuckled. “Damn girl, you better relax.”

His words barely audible, weighed down by the booming music. Hakeem’s cologne was strong and heady, and it made you all the more tipsy as you threw your ass back against him.

“Or what?”

He shot you a knowing look, making you blush. It was all calculated, he wanted a reaction out of you.

All the while, Riri watched the two of you from her corner. You were aware of it, her stare was a thing you were well acquainted with now. You looked up catching her angry eyes. Her expressions were usually the same: Irritation. Disgust. But anger was not at all common. What reason did she have to be angry at you? The look puzzled you as you held her gaze. There was a cup in her hand and the bottom of her shoe indented the wall. She seethed with each hip switch, eyes skimming Hakeem’s possessive grip on you.

You watched her lips wrap around the cup, watched her throat bob with each gulp. Something was off with her and you found yourself desiring to know what.

“Hey Keem, I’m gonna–”

“Yo, Keem that you?” A tall man you’d never seen before approached the two of you and your boyfriend let you go to greet him.

Hakeem patted the guy's shoulder and then hugged him, bearing that smile everyone loved. “Kyle? Whatchu doing here? I thought you moved.”

“I did, but I'm back for my sister’s wedding, the whole family up here. Dre back too.”

You watched the exchange, feeling forgotten as your boyfriend caught up with an apparent old friend. The conversation stretched on and he made no move to introduce you, causing you to grow irritated.

“Hakeem.” A stern call of his name caught his attention and he cursed under his breath, now aware of his mistake.

He grabbed your waist, sliding your stiff body closer to him. “Oh shit, this your girl?”

He nodded proudly and Kyle stuck his hand out for you to shake. You did not shake Kyle’s hand, glancing over to Riri instead. Her demeanor showcased less tension in her body and she was smirking a bit.

“Alright, my bad. I ain't mean to interrupt.” Kyle took your rejection seemingly well. The longer the two of them spoke, you began to realize he carried the same happy-go-lucky attitude as Hakeem. You learned that they were childhood friends, but Kyle moved down south when his father got a job offer there. He seemed nice enough, immensely different from the loser-y frat guys your boyfriend hung out with on campus.

He turned to you and the glint in his pupils told you he was preparing to beg for something you weren't likely to grant. “You mind if I go catch up with my friend Dre? I ain't seen him in years. Please baby? I won't stay too long, he just outside.”

You rolled your eyes, but allowed him to go. Your mind was still set on Riri anyway, and you made your way over to where she stood after he dipped out the door.

Approaching her with caution seemed like the best bet. You never knew what you would get with her. She saw you coming and scooted over a little so you could slip in next to her.

“You okay?” You yelled over the noise. Drunk students were now sliding down the steep staircase in laundry baskets and cheering. The act looked dangerous, and this was someone’s home, but no one seemed to care. Nothing mattered when you were bathing in booze.

She nodded, sipping from her cup again.

“You having fun?” Of course, you knew the answer already, and Riri’s look of annoyance confirmed that you were correct.

She chuckled into her drink before speaking, “Are you having fun? I mean your boyfriend just ditched you so…”

“He didn't ditch me.”

She laughed again as if she knew something you didn't and brought the cup up to her lips for the final time. “Oh, he didn't?”

You wanted to turn away, but everything about the way she sipped the liquid called to you. It was a thing you could not understand.

“Are you mad at me about something?” You didn't mean to blurt the question, but letting it out lightened the weight on your shoulders for some reason. You were glad it was out. Her anger from moments ago seemed to be quelled now, but you still sought a direct answer.

She turned to face you, leaning her shoulder on the wall. The outline of her face still looked good under the low light. There was a smirk there, on her lips, and it made you fidget.

“You do something to make me mad?” Riri raised her eyebrow.

You shook your head, “No.”

“Well there's your answer,” She waited a beat before speaking again. “And Keem ain't coming back by the way.”

“Yes he is.”

Your optimism made her chuckle again and she shook her head.

•••

Riri was correct. An hour had passed and Hakeem had not returned. You were beyond enraged as you scrolled through the dozens of texts you’d sent yelling at him. He left you on delivered, meaning he had to be actively ignoring you. Red blurred your vision as you seethed. It hadn't even dawned on you that you’d wandered away from Riri. There was a new cup of something in your hand and you swallowed it all, reveling in the sting that heated your throat.

Someone in the kitchen shouted shots, and you ran, knocking back four. You didn't care that drinking this much was reckless, nor about having work in the morning. You wanted to forget, you needed to forget. About Hakeem coaxing you into attending a party you wanted nothing to do with, and his grumpy best friend who congested your brain. You blinked, seeing only images of her: her lips, her smirk, her eyes on your boobs. It was all too much and you wanted to scream.

The group of girls you'd infiltrated were now dragging you back to the dance floor and you let them. They held your hands and they were nice, complementing your outfit and nails.

The upbeat song reverberated in your sternum, mixing with the liquor permeating your whooshing bloodstream. You felt light, like you were dainty and floating. Intoxication consumed your mind and reality was lost on you. Unknown hands made you jump when they looped around your middle, pulling you into them. The person wanted to dance and you were in no state to say no.

“You fine as hell shawty.” Mint and beer hit your nostrils, inebriating you beyond reason as you giggled. Their voice was husky and low, you liked husky and low.

Before you could grind into them, you were yanked away harshly. This time by hands you did know, hands you'd just learned. Riri's hands. “Yeah, Ima need you to get the fuck up off her.”

Her tone came out dark, dangerous, and it scared you sober. Wild eyes scanned the stranger. Riri, as short as she was, knew just how to intimidate because the person left jarred, and without a word. She scolded you with her glower, tugging you through the crowd and out the door. Nippy fresh air hit your feverish skin and you shivered, making you more annoyed. Hakeem was supposed to be there with a hoodie for you. He wasn't supposed to leave you.

You tried wiggling out of Riri’s grasp as tears began to sting your eyes. “Let me go! Get the fuck off me!”

“Yo what the fuck is your problem?” Her voice still housed that darkness, but it was less heavy now.

She scanned your teary face and rolled her eyes, obviously not moved by your emotions. She never was. “The fuck are you touching me for? I said let me go!” You weren't even sure why you were crying, but you were drunk enough to not care.

“Oh, now you got a problem with somebody touching you? Cause it ain't seem that way a minute ago. Letting random niggas rub up on you and shit like you don't got a boyfriend.”

You quieted. She was right, but you also wanted to get back at Hakeem for ditching you. The back of your hand swatted away streams and you sniffled. “Why do you even care?”

“I don't.”

You tried walking away, but you stumbled. Riri watched you, unmoved and unimpressed by your determination to leave. “Girl if you don't get your drunk ass in the car. I'm taking you home.”

“Don't need you to do that.”

She pulled you anyway, ushering you to her car skillfully. She opened the door for you and helped you sit, hot hands warming your chilled skin. You let Riri buckle you in and she groaned when you giggled at the contact. Your skin was sensitive and when she touched you it tickled.

“This is exactly why I didn't wanna come. I knew Hakeem fast ass would do this, leave me to deal with you.” You heeded her complaint as she climbed behind the wheel. So this was something he did often you’d gathered. Noted. He would definitely be getting yelled at and ignored simultaneously for the next few days. You relaxed into the seat as Riri drove off, kicking your feet up onto the dashboard before you lazily.

“Get your damn feet off my dash.” She reached her arm over to smack your ankle and you whined.

You really did not understand her problem with you.

“Why d’you hate me smuch?” Slurred words danced tipsily off your tongue. Everything was spinning and the city lights made your head split. Riri’s eyes darted from the road to your intoxicated form in the passenger seat for a few seconds, taking you in as well as your question. She said nothing and the car sped up a little, the motion shaking your stomach contents.

“Is it because I’m with Hakeem?” Silence again as she pulled up to your apartment building. She parked the car, sitting behind the wheel as still as one could, but it did nothing to stop you from seeing two of her. The alcohol in your body distorted her image and you narrowed your eyes to get a better look at her face. Riri’s face. She had a nice face, you thought. Pretty. No, not just pretty, gorgeous. Stunning.

“You like him or something? Is that it? You secretly in love with your best friend Riri?”

Her eyes rolled, “You're drunk and you should shut up.”

“That wasn't a no! Why you not answering my questions, huh?”

She was annoyed, you were annoying her and she spoke through gritted teeth. “Can you get out on your own?”

“I can do anything on my own, m’strong. Really strong. I'm like that iron girl from youtube.”

This made her chuckle and it bothered you for some reason. She didn't believe you were strong, that's probably why she picked on you as often as she did. Riri thought you were weak.

You moved to step out of the car, to show her just how strong and capable you were, but your still-buckled seat belt choked you and pulled you right back down. Riri opened her door, face baring utter frustration, and stepped out. She was at your side seconds later. Her arm reached over your body, brushing your exposed waist as she moved to unbuckle you. It jolted you, the touch. It made the hairs on the back of your neck rise. Your senses were already at their peak, and that brush of contact teetered on the thin line between bliss and sheer overstimulation. But one could argue they were one and the same.

She felt it too, despite her unwillingness to acknowledge it, her eyes spoke it all as she looked at you. Riri didn't move, instead, she squeezed herself onto the edge of the seat just to watch you, just to take you in entirely. There was a sensation brewing, bubbling inside you. It was not unfamiliar; you knew it well. The feeling awoke every time she glimpsed at you. It was intense as hell. You’d never seen her use that stare on anyone apart from yourself. Riri was a girl who had trouble controlling her facial expressions, even when she bit her tongue. Riri’s face betrayed her, laying all her inner thoughts out for the world to read and learn.

It was easy to discern when she was irritated or elated. But this look, this one was difficult to deconstruct. It was a look reserved for you, that much you knew. But its meaning was lost on you.

You knew she disliked you, she made it exceedingly obvious. You were aware she hated being around you for too long. She hated your relationship with Hakeem, or rather she didn't respect it, she didn't respect you. But each time she looked at you this way, each time her eyes studied and stripped you bare, confusion bustled inside you. This glare, it spoke something foreign. It contrasted her actions.

Riri’s eyes were on your mouth. They stayed locked on your lips and it made your already intoxicated mind sizzle with uncertainty. “Can you make it upstairs on your own?”

“I-”

She sighed, standing up and sticking her hand out, presumably for you to grab onto. When you hesitated, she seized your fingers instead, making you flinch. Riri pulled your drunken form out of her car, holding your palm firmly in hers. You wobbled, and she placed a hot palm on your back. A touch meant to steady, you’re sure, but it did the opposite.

Riri’s fingers being that low on your back heated your skin and sent your entire body cascading to the pavement. She caught you though, seconds before your knees hit the ground and she pulled you in close.

“S’okay Riri, I got it. Thanks for the ride, but I think I'm good n-now.” Your attempt to loosen her hold on you was proven to be useless. She held you tight. Strong. Really strong. She was smaller than you, but her grip was sturdy.

She pulled you, and your back collided with her front. “No. You're not good now. And I ain't letting you go nowhere by yourself.”

“O-okay.”

She guided you through the door and onto the elevator up to your apartment hand in hand without words. You stumbled a little bit on the journey, but her gentle touch kept you upright. When you reached your door, she politely asked for your key and you placed it into her other palm. The door opened and you stepped under the threshold, turning to face her.

“I got it from here.” You said, leaning your shoulder against the frame and her head dipped in a nod, but she made no effort to leave. She was watching you again and you held your breath. Riri took note of your inhale, smirking slightly.

You cleared your throat, “Why can't you be this nice to me all the time? I'm sure it takes less energy than constantly hating me.”

This instance was the longest she’d tolerated your presence without scoffing or gagging. This was a lengthy stretch of kindness, much more flattering than her tying the straps of your top. You appreciated it, much more than you should, you're sure because it was all you’d wanted, for her to be nice to you. And here she was, offering it up without malice. So of course you took it, and of course you ignored the batting shame in your chest.

“You really think I hate you?” She bit her lip, eyes flickering to your fingers that were still interlocked. You hadn't noticed she was still holding your hand, but Riri sure did. The thought made you blush, releasing a gust of unidentified emotions inside you. They trampled and toppled your growing shame, making you crave confinement.

You slipped your hand from hers, folding your arms across your chest as you breathed out. “Don't you?”

“Hmm.”

Your eyes turned curious, narrowing into an accusing glare.

“I’ll text Keem, let him know I got you home safe.”

She sauntered off, hitting the corner to get back on the elevator. You listened closely for the ding. Once you were certain she was no longer on your floor, you huffed a long exhale, willing your heart to stop thumping, begging your blood to stop rushing. Everything felt off, you were exposed to the air, and it judged you profusely.

You shut the door hurriedly and pressed your back against it, rubbing the heels of your palms in your eyes. That entire encounter, as mundane as it would seem to any prying eyes, was anything but. Or maybe you were just drunk and your insane overthinking skills were wide awake and at play.

“Hmm.”

‘Hmm’ was not an answer. ‘Hmm’ only bred more confusion.

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