About your last post, being persistently exposed to trauma, residually as a child, is absolutely a fucked up thing whether or not anything directly happened to you. Whether or not others take it seriously that is absolutely valid trauma and I'm sorry and hope you feel better soon.

Thank you :(( I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it was damaging

,, the innocence is gone "

pairings : gf!ethanlandry x fem!reader ( vesper )

summary : what happens when history tends to repeat himself?

content warnings : violence, betrayal, obsession.

**lowercase intended**

" ghostface would be attractive if he didnt kill.. " you voiced out, in your own world when the whole group turned to face you in shock. 

" uhm.. i think thats a bit far fetch dont you think? " mindy cringed. 

how can the thought of someone with a mask pull your heartstrings, or even turn you on.

" i mean, in my opinion he could be pretty hot. " you shrugged. 

the group wasnt new on your interests in slashers, criminals. you figured that it was always the attractive ones who killed. they just found it weird considering you, mindy, the carpenter sisters and chad nearly got killed by one. 

" coping mechanisms. " quinn laughed the tension off, with the rest awkwardly nodding. 

★ 

ever since ethan joined the group, you have been nothing but attached. how did a good looking guy - a snack - be so lonely. you thought he had someone in his mind, the one you knew you couldnt occupy. but he did. you. but he soon swallowed the feeling down to focus on his mission. he knew he had to kill you, so why did your existence crumble him. making him question about his true intentions. 

" i had econ! " he defended himself as mindy analyzed ethan. 

you saw ethan leaving the apartment so you did trust him. 

" mindy, he did leave the apartment, remember? " you whispered, eyes closed as you listened to the rustling sounds around you. 

" see? " 

" vesper, you are next in my list- " 

" what? just because i defended him doesnt make me the killer. and you know for a fact i would never considering the fucking shit weve been through! " you couldnt believe your ears, your own best friend not trusting you. 

" mindy, i think you are over- analysing everything right now. " sam sighed. she trusted you, even if she knew she couldn't trust anyone. but youve been there for her and tara since day one. 

" fine, but ethan is still on the top of my list. " ethan bringing his hands up in defeat. giving him a lopsided smile, he returned a sad smile back.

everyone were starting to turn their backs on their own people, those that had to relive such traumatic moments. 

★ 

" hello? " 

" hey, ves! i was wondering if you could head down to the library? i need your help. " your friends voice begging for a yes to come out from you. instead a -

" no, im sorry. im with ethan right now, catching up on some shit i dont understand. ill try to come down as soon as possible though! " ethans eyes darting to your face. he loved the way you said his name. how sweet and soft youd say it, as if he was a fragile doll you had to take care off. 

" oh man, alright sure! just text me - update me yea! bye! " a sigh was heard from the other side. 

" bye love~ " you giggled. you were often flirtatious with your closest friends. ethan - not knowing the gender of the caller, narrowed his eyes. 

" so sorry about that- " 

" who was that? " ethan couldnt help but ask. he just had to know. if you couldnt be his, you shouldn't be anyones. 

" lana, she needed help with something. i dont know. " ethan nodded. 

★ 

ethan has yet to leave your side since the van. he needed to be with you as long as he could before he killed you, as him or as ghostface. so when gale brought you and the others down to the shrine, you realized ethans hand around your wrist. 

looking up at him, him smiled. 

" cant let you leave my sight knowing youd go crazy over this stuff. might lose you on the way. " you chuckled. 

looking over the items, you couldn't help but wonder how did someone collect items that was about six years ago - or even more. walking up on stage, you grazed every piece of black robe that could be filled with blood. this was a new feeling and you liked it. 

" remember how you said that ghostface was attractive, i get how someone might like him. " ethan blurted out. 

" haha very funny eth. " rolling your eyes, knowing that he's just trying to annoy you. 

" i mean look at amber freeman. she was hot. quite literally. "

you stopped at amber freemans robe, such events replaying. 

" welcome to act three. " you stumbled backwards watching as she aimed the gun at you.

" its sad that that pretty face will be gone to waste. " amber made a pouty face. you liked amber, maybe more than just a friend. of course you found her attractive, even with her reveal. but you couldnt.

it felt as if someone took your heart out, squeezed it and pushed it back in. you had to digest so many information and your dumb brain couldnt handle it. you didnt want it to happen again, knowing you couldnt take another heart break.

" ves? " ethan placed an arm on your shoulder. 

" sorry? " 

" you alright? " you nodded, afraid that your voice might crack. 

you coped up with everything by searching on slashers, even learning their tactics. it was interesting to say the least. you soon became obsessed with one you didnt even acknowledge. you should have known.

★

sam and tara pulled you behind them as ghostface removed his mask, revealing ethan. 

his gloomy face was replaced with a menacing smile. you tuned everything out, realizing that everything this happening again. fuck, you thought. ethan was a shy dorky guy, and now standing in front of you is a killer that you liked. oddly enough, you didn't feel betrayed or even hurt. he looked hot, with his hair sticking to his forehead and his breathing heavy. thoughts of blood on his face couldnt help but flood your mind. you just didnt want to die. not yet. 

you didn't even realize when ethans rounding the corner, near the glass display you and sam were standing at. 

you being the closest one, he pulled you, placing the knife against your neck. 

" fuck, eth- " your voice died down in your throat when you felt him press the knife further into your neck. 

" no- " sam and tara wanted to run towards you when quinn stopped them. 

" no, no you little fuckers, you aren't going anywhere. " before walking towards them, ethan walked with you, following quinns steps. your back against his front, you felt his heart thumping hard. probably due to adrenaline. you were going to die. tonight. in the hands of ethan. 

quinn lunged forwards before tara smacked quinn with a brick, knocking her out. 

that was when bailey aimed the gun towards the sisters. 

" you brought a brick to a gun fight.. quite sad isnt it. that you have to die this way. "

" sam- " out of instinct, you jolted forward, forgetting the knife against your neck. you had cut your neck slightly, as you pushed yourself further behind against ethan. 

" you sweet dumb thing. too stupid to not realize that you may cut yourself. " ethan pouted before pulling you away from the others. 

sam and tara saw ethan pushing you forward with the knife against your back. shit, they thought. 

before you could even ask him where he was bringing you, he stabbed you in the arm. 

" ive always wanted to stick something in you, ves! " he smiled victoriously.

" fuck you, eth! " you breathed.

" is that an offer? " shaking his head, he continued, "since i like you, ill spare you. " 

he has made up his mind.

a.n : have been vv obsessed lately, requests coming soon <3

what is your opinion on the fact that tappei intended us to hate reinhard for killing theresia

hello!! :o im not sure if tappei really Intended for us to hate reinhard for that per say—i think more so tappei intends to show the astrea drama in general in a very nuanced manner (unless he proves me wrong and does weird stuff to develop them later on wjfnd but ill stand by this atm because theres a lot of textual evidence i think!!)

the arc 5 astrea drama is the very first time we learn about Any of that, and the way we learn it is interesting. this is AFTER getting attached to reinhard and wilhelm, who prior to arc 5 were established to be good well meaning and respectable people. then heinkel comes in claiming they both did shitty stuff, and of course heinkel makes the worst impression of all time, is shitty himself, AND interrupted wilhelm and reinhards reunion, so we’re not inclined to side with heinkel here. but the more we learn about the astrea family conflict, the more we realize, alongside subaru, that 1. wilhelm is not as great as he seems to be (its like learning that a close family member or friend has done some terrible stuff!! the common reaction to it is to feel Disappointed or Sad or maybe a little angry!!) and subaru also learns that 2. the entire situation is not black and white. it takes a heavy emotional toll on wilhelm, heinkel, and reinhard.

it’s also interesting that we dont Always learn info about it directly from the family members themselves—theresias dead of course and doesnt say much when she briefly comes back (more on this later), reinhard becomes more subdued around his family (which has gotta be a trauma response in an attempt to minimize the conflict), heinkel and wilhelm are unreliable narrators driven by their emotions. we learn some of the bulk of the drama from JULIUS, an outsider, but someone with ties to reinhard personally and the knights. so we’re also getting unreliable info about someone like heinkel (whos got a reputation thats honestly shittier than even his behavior, which i pity him for), and someone like reinhard is extremely hard to read (we just know that hes. you know. Traumatized. and Sad.)

i DO think though that throughout all of this we’re supposed to sympathize with EVERY astrea family member. every single one. we’re meant to understand each of their actions, because they all contribute to the family dysfunction unwillingly or consciously.

we’re given the reasoning behind almost all of their actions in the conflict. wilhelm lashed out because of grief, and hes spent years regretting what he did and not knowing how to fix things. heinkel’s an alcoholic from stress, trauma, and self-hatred, and post-arc 5 we see more of his psyche (which is shown in a very honest sympathetic light as well, hinting at heinkel getting future development and most likely a redemption arc). heinkel then lashes out (which is a Sad pattern in this family given wilhelm also does that... and its implied that heinkel is also like this Because of wilhelm's influence) to deal with all of this too (and because he Genuinely thinks those things now. hes a sad bitter man). we also know from side stories that heinkel used to be a good man who truly loved reinhard, and we do know that heinkel still loves louanna and has spent YEARS searching for a cure. as for reinhard, he was a CHILD (five when it first started!!) throughout almost all of this conflict, and hes the youngest member of his family and still young even as he’s grown up now. and he certainly didnt Intend to kill his own grandma when he was five, and he definitely deals with the guilt of all that years later. he shuts down around his family in the present, for one. and two—reinhard was failed by his family members, who have been ADULTS for the entire conflict and are his father and grandfather respectively. if anything, reinhard has the least blame here. he was a child!! a child thats been conditioned into serving the kingdom at All Costs to himself!! heinkel and wilhelms grief is understandable but it should not cost them their literal child!! they were the ones with the responsibility to pull themselves together and they failed to do that!!

but then reinhard kills theresia.

the thing with reinhard killing theresia is that reinhard was very much not wrong for that. tappei takes the time to show corpse soldier theresia going after heinkel and wilhelm—both of which are too weak in this moment physically and emotionally to stop theresia, WHO IS THEIR MOTHER AND WIFE RESPECTIVELY. and iirc wilhelm was also injured by her. heinkel pisses himself in fear while begging for her to stop—or something along those lines. its Terrifying. and it shows theresia, as she was in that moment, is a threat!! what else was reinhard going to do?? if he doesnt apprehend theresia, shes going to kill the rest of their family T^T

yeah so. reinhard kills theresia. afterwards, heinkel and wilhelm give reinhard shit for it but again, they were going to DIE if reinhard hadnt stepped in. and its clear that reinhard is saddened by what he had to do, even as he says that the corpse soldier theresia ISNT THERESIA. and reinhard is technically kind of right!! that was a corpse soldier!! she was both theresia (her last words to wilhelm are proof of this) and Not Theresia (she already died years ago!! this was a reanimated corpse!!).

its wilhelm and heinkel that misinterpret reinhard’s demeanor as him Not Caring. because he does care, but reinhard has always had an uncanny personality—likely partly because of trauma (remember how i said he shuts down a bit around his family? common trauma response) and partly because of reinhard’s endless divine protections giving him a very. Unique. perspective on everything. so reinhard has difficulty with connecting with others because of all of that. hes Really hard to read, especially in a complicated situation like this where its basically a lose-lose for everyone involved. wilhelm and heinkel are blinded by their grief and fear and anger and because reinhard 1. killed theresia, 2. said that that Wasnt Theresia, and 3. said he didnt regret killing theresia and 4. said that he did the right thing (which is probably because, again, what else could he do, theresia was going to kill heinkel and wilhelm)... yeah so wilhelm and heinkel read reinhard as being cold and unfeeling and callous so they both completely give up on reinhard in this moment. the coffin is. metaphorically and literally closed here, reinhard killing theresia (again. for the second time. if youre heinkel and wilhelm) was the very last nail.

and ultimately like. again, tappei gives us All the narrative tools to understand each member of the astrea family in this conflict. tappei also even notes the detail (iirc. in like a qna somewhere. if someone can find it or whatever please feel free to add!!) of theresia, on her death bed in arc 5, had nothing to say to reinhard and heinkel. its kind of. weird. when she makes SURE that wilhelm knows that she loves him but she doesnt even bother with her son and grandson - and heinkel does note that she looked at them "hatefully" (which. heinkel is an unreliable narrator, but its interesting for tappei to include that detail because heinkel also goes "she looked at us like That, who else could that be but mother?"). so uh. astrea family dynamics are complicated, have likely always been complicated even before everything went wrong with them, and tappei also gives us theresias full backstory in her pov in arc 5. AND he shows that the corpse soldier was still. Theresia. in the end. its extremely complicated. tappei takes the time to show that with every detail.

so anyway. yeah i feel like we're meant to sympathize with everyone in the astrea family. theyre all people with their own flaws, theyve all contributed in some way to the conflict whether they like it or not, they all have various degrees of blame, if you really want to go into whos the Most Guilty for all the dysfunction. even poor louanna contributed indirectly via falling into a coma T^T

but i dont think tappei means for us to like hate any of them. just because tappei Always shows how complicated the situation is. tappei is Always sympathetic to all astrea members as much as tappei also often calls them out for their flaws (heinkel is the most obvious example, tappei also does it with theresia and wilhelm a bit, and reinhard is shown to be a bit stilted in social situations with a habit of stomping on other peoples boundaries sometimes without realizing or because he thinks its for the other persons good, etc). and as much as i love making jokes at wilhelms expense because he did fuck up quite a Lot with his family (same with heinkel... and im a little sus of theresia but she Did care about heinkel in the past, we know that from her named chapter)...

like. i can understand where someone like wilhelm is coming from. do i hate him for lashing out at his five year old grandson and helping turn his son against his grandson? oh yeah. yeah. but i can Understand why he did it and i feel bad for him, which i think was more so tappei's goal here. so the audience can hate any of these characters if you so feel like it, but tappei means for us to deeply deeply get where they're coming from and why they did what they did. so maybe its more so that we're not supposed to hate these characters, maybe we're just supposed to hate Their Actions and wish that things didnt turn out that way. because it couldve been better at any turn - wilhelm couldve just not lashed out and blamed reinhard when he was five, heinkel couldve also pulled himself together, louanna didnt have to go into a coma, theresia didnt have to die twice, etc etc. but thats the point of it all i think. it turned for the worse but all we can do is try to think about How it turned out this way. and i pity all of them, really.

plus, reinhard, wilhelm, heinkel are 1000% getting some kind of further development with this, i'd say. and rezero is Repeatedly about forgiveness and growth, so yeah. i absolutely dont think we're supposed to fully hate any of them. if anything, im rooting for their growth before its. you know. Too Late. but yeah thats just my extremely long opinion/feelings on all of this, people are totally free to disagree of course :o !! hope that answers your question though!!

Cal headcanons maybe??? :3333

ANON, WE’RE BEST FRIENDS NOW. THANK YOU

cal is my boy, my son, my shining star, my silly, and many more.. allow us to fucking ruin his life (the favourite character treatment, if you will)

i hope u enjoy these 💥🔥

- hes deaf! this is my favourite hc ever i came up with it myself. hes Deaf and uses hearing aids - this was caused by the crash his parents died in (as he was in the vehicle with them if it wasnt obvious)

- he was 13 when his parents died

- he grew up watching his uncle race. he was a STAPLE in the dinoco pit box and when he was 11 or 12 he was strips crew chief for a race (strip won it too)

- strip taught him how to drive in one of the fields at their house - he mowed a track around it with a tractor, made cal get in the drivers seat, and told him to just Drive. (he was taught using Lynda’s old derby car because as strip expected, the very traumatized 14 year old he put behind the wheel DID in fact crash into the corn stalks and strip had to chase after him and pull him out of the car)

- he is probably the most careful driver you will ever meet. its the trauma, dare i say, but the probability of him crashing is much less than the Other Two. bobby and lightning poke fun at him for being so careful behind the wheel because “he doesnt have fun”, and whenever he gets serious behind the wheel they both giggle and quietly make fun of him (its like when you turn on the light in the car and your dad yells at you, white knuckling the steering wheel staring straight ahead and u dont understand why its so serious)

- cal’s the oldest of the three as well, hes a little less than a year older than lightning, so they’d both be the same age for like a 4 month period, bobby is the youngest and gets relentlessly bullied for it.

- i dont think cal ever learnt extensive sign language after the accident. his aunt and uncle didnt know it, and they were cautious of the situation so they found ways to communicate that they could all understand - he only learnt it after meeting red, because he was curious, and it wasn’t that hard.. plus it was a bonus that he could say things to lmq and bobby that they didn’t understand

- hes the only member of the trio with a consistent brain cell. hes the Reason, but hes also silly as hell which puts him barely a brain cell level higher than his friends

- he doesnt trust other people driving him places, he will ALWAYS volunteer to drive

- cal has a lot of his old, early racing days/pre-racing days memories on one of those old, handheld film cameras. he records a lot of stuff on it when theyre all running around the infield being silly

- his silly ass is so socially awkward its AWFUL. hes great in front of cameras but as soon as someone normal asks him a question or starts a conversation hes like. erm. Um. sure? (it was not a yes or no question)

- adhd

- hearing issues also comes with auditory processing issues, he’ll ask someone to repeat themselves and then realize halfway through their repetition what they said and be like OH YEAH TOTALLY!

- after the accident he went through a phase of being Terrified that strip and lynda were trying to replace his parents. he acted out, he hated every minute of their care and affection for a while, and finally he couldnt handle Not telling them why he was acting the way he was. they were both forgiving of course, they told him they understood he was scared and this was all New and they would NEVER try to replace his parents. that Helped.

- cal is short for calamari, full name calamari weather's (roe)

- hes blonde! he and strip are both blonde - and people HAVE mistaken strip for his dad instead of his uncle, but in reality cal just looks a Lot like his mother (who was strips sister)

- adding onto above: cal being upset makes strip think of his Sister and it fucking tears him apart every time. that kid looks so much like his mother its awful.

- when he was finally old enough to drink, he won the race, got to hold the champagne bottle and pop it open but it was so horribly hot outside that he fainted while on top of the car in victory lane, fell off, shattered the champagne bottle and smelt like berries for almost a week because it WOULDNT GET OUT OF HIS HAIR. he scraped up his elbows and tore the back of his t-shirt but there was nothing worse than smelling like alcohol for six days.

- he has a baby face and its his worst enemy.

- when he was a kid and a teenager he was obsessed with picking up small animals he found in the forest behind strip and lyndas house, and hes GOOD AT IT TOO. he once brought in a whole opossum into the house shortly after the accident, totally out of it on pain medications, and told his aunt and uncle that he wanted to keep this cat he saved from the garbage can down the side of the house. they were more shocked he got outside? how did he even..?

- he also picked up a habit of eating random berries he found in the woods? hes regretted it on multiple occasions and lynda has continuously told him to stop, but what made him really stop was accidentally grabbing blueberries that just so happened to be surrounded by poison ivy. he had it up and down his arms and all over his hands for three weeks.

- boy loves bugs, every bug ever he could identify and pick up with no issue whatsoever

- he had a marine biology phase and still LOVES the aquarium

- escape artist essentially

THIS IS SO MANY thats enough for now.. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED i love him so much. i hope none of this comes off as me woobifying him because i will lose my mind 💀

Ive made through chapters 4-7 today and good god, I feel like i had basically nothing to say about acotar as I was reading it but with this book theres so much to talk about for some reason, its wild. Truly, I did not realize how much I liked Feyre in the first book until I was under threat of losing her

Now, I will say that Feyre seems in-character so far, shes still the same woman but traumatized, but I am worried for her. Tamlin is a whole different story though, SJM might as well shoot him dead right in front of me for how thoroughly hes being character assassinated. Like, if Tamlin actually cares about Feyre as a person and not just in a douchy, possessive alphahole way, which he should because Tamlin was not that kind of guy previously, then he would force Feyre to train so she can defend herself if necessary, not forbid her from it. Even if he didnt want her to use her magical powers, surely he would make her practice with her knife or with a sword or even with her bow just to be safe, because hes not always gonna be there

I think his actions do continue to make sense if you look at them from his perspective, but I also maintain that he's doing a really bad job at responding to Feyre. But also, its so laughably obvious what sjm is doing by having Tamlin say shit like "you were stolen from me", shes trying to paint him as some objectifying asshole. Even Lucien calling her "Tamlin's bride" feels like its part of all this, and I know Ianthe is gonna turn out to be a traitor and a rapist at some point, so it really comes across as an attempt to villify the entire spring court for its association with Tamlin

Speaking of Lucien, I genuinely think part of the reason Feylin is doing so badly in this book is that his dynamic with Tamlin is completely different now. For some reason hes all like "oh, my High Lord" instead of "my good friend Tamlin", he suddenly cant say a word against him when he was talking to shit to him just a few months ago in-uinverse. Like, if their dynamic was the same as it was in acotar, Lucien wouldve probably been like "hey man, I know youre stressed and I get it, I know what its like to watch the love of my life get brutally murdered I dont know what its like to have her magically ressurected again but thats neither here nor there, but Feyre is clearly not happy being inside all day and you need a break, go take her out on a date in the woods, I'll stay here and take care of everything, dont even worry about it" or gotten him to comprise with Feyre or chill tf out or SOMETHING but because theres suddenly this rigid hierarchy in the spring court in order to make the night court look better

Speaking of the night court, Ive heard some stuff about it feeling very orientalist but it still managed to completely blindsight me with its badness. Feyre got fucking harem pants to wear, really? And a short-sleeved croptop, and no fucking shoes, probably because Rhys didnt want Feyre throwing shoes at him again. That was the one moment in this book that brought me genuine joy btw, I would read a thousand fanfics about her just throwing shit at him

Anyway, speaking of my guy (derogatory) Rhysand Nolastname, hes so incredibly annoying I dont even have any coherent thoughts about him right now, like, if I were to write down what I think of him I would just write "he fuckinh pisses me off" over and over again. Im actually a really big fan of edgy shadow bois, but only if theyre like, sad and angry and closed off, if theyre like Rhysand and theyre all flirty and teasing and cocky and shit, theyre just annoying and nothing else. And the romance has barely even started yet, I cant imagine how much worse the flirting is gonna get later. Not to mention all these desperate and obvious attempts by sjm to make him sympathetic and morally good now, its honestly pretty pathetic

Now Im gonna be real with you, I didnt get a lot of sleep yesterday and I can feel myself and the things Im writing getting less and less coherent, so Im just gonna hit you with the very last of my thoughts bullet point style

The fact that Amarantha apparently didnt actually go rogue and it was all part of Hybern's plan feels misogynistic ngl

Ianthe's entire character already feels so misogynistic and slutshame-y and she hasnt even assaulted anyone yet

Something about Mor bothers me, I cant quite put my finger on it but its there. I think I do like her for annoying Rhys though

God, Im gonna have so much to say about the Illyrians but for now, its awfully bold of Rhysand to be like "they wasted no time throwing themselves before her feet" when THATS WHAT HE DID

Thats it for now

Hey, I realize you do like maths. As someone who didnt go through highschool but got a highschool degree with only REALLY BASIC maths knowledge, I wanna ask: - Any advice or recommendations for someone who wants/needs to catch up/go from elementary to highschool maths ASAP many years after dropping the subject?

It seems to be an interesting subject but I had teachers that were so bad at teaching and so good at shaming and traumatizing that it blocked me and made me avoid maths like the plague, I do want to start over with maths and try again while making it a good experience this time, I need advice. Pls help. (anonymous cause embarrassed to admit I can barely get around with the basic 4 operations and begin getting lost when it goes into fractions, decimals, porcentages etc, and as a college student I should know advanced stuff like factoration and complex expressions by now)

I am incredibly blessed with the fact that I love maths, and had great teachers. I don’t really know how to get good at maths because by the time I was actually conscious about liking maths, I was already pretty good at it. I never had that thing of having to be better, because I’ve always just been good at it, and the things that I didn’t know I enjoyed learning so I just learnt them.

The problem with having to relearn something is that you FEEL like you’re better than you are. I stopped learning Japanese for a few months, and when I come back to it, I’ll have to go over basic kanji again, my brain tells me that I know it, but I don’t. I need to go over the basics, but before I learnt the basics with the spark of learning pushing me through. Now I’ve got to essentially revise something I forgot. It sucks.

What I’d recommend, is by jumping into the deep end. There are lots of maths videos on YouTube, and they’re really interesting, but you won’t understand anything. But that’s fine, because the things you don’t understand, you can watch videos about those. And the parts of those you don’t understand you can research into that. It may not be the most efficient way to learn, but eventually you will. Trial by fire and all that, and it might be more fun because you’re looking at stuff that interests you! You’ll find that the simple stuff actually has rather complex and interesting explanations, which I find really cool.

If you want to relearn quickly, then you just have to study. It sucks, but that’s just how it is. I don’t know what elementary school is, I assume it’s 11-14, and high school probably means gcse, which is 15-16.

Some basic tips:

Think of the operators as logically as possible. When you see 5x15, literally think of 15 added together 5 times. Think of 6/20 as 6 lots of 1/20 (which itself is 0.05. Maybe even think of it as 1/2 times 1/10.) basically just think of the operators as simply as possible until you’re able to think of them as their own thing. Then you can start introducing indices, square roots, etc.

Don’t be afraid of using a calculator (learning how to use a calculator effectively will massively boost your mathematical literacy).

write everything down (don’t rely on your mental maths. If you literally have to do every single equation on a piece of paper (assuming calculators aren’t allowed), do it. Never trust your mental maths until you’re certain that you’ve got good mental maths. Seriously, 90% of mistakes come from trying to make a shortcut in your head and messing up. Many people, my self included in the past, see writing down your working out as a sign of weakness, it isn’t.

Try to avoid the divisor symbol as much as possible, it isn’t actually an operator, it’s shorthand for fractions (the dots are placeholders for the things in front and behind). Honestly, you should prioritise getting comfortable with fractions. They’re really useful, especially in algebra.

If you get good at algebra, you’ll be good at almost everything maths can throw at you. Being able to rearrange equations is a skill that you will literally never not use. It also helps you with regular number equations because you can think of the numbers as variables. It sounds weird or as if you’re complicating it, but it can help.

(A/B)*C=(A*C)/B. It’s surprising how useful it is, and how often I’ll forget about it lmao

Look into geometry! Everything you do in maths can and has been described with shapes. And for some people that can help them visualise it! If shapes help you with maths, look into shapes! Geometry!

Factorisation is essentially just the reverse of multiplication. (2*5*7)=70, therefore the prime factors of 70 are 2,5, and 7. The same applies to algebra. Just think of what could be multiplied together to make x^2+3x+2. And hey, there’s a really handy formula for finding out the factors of quadratics that I highly recommend memorising if you think you’ll need it!

And most of all: try and have fun! Basic maths can be very tedious, but think of it like learning a language. Once you get the alphabet (numbers) and grammar (operators) out of the way, you’ll start to see all of the complex words and phrases you can create, and understand. And, best of all, you will NEVER stop learning, so you may as well start now!

💐 for eme and 💤 for koto? :D

💐 BOUQUET - create a bouqet for them! what do those flowers mean? are any of the flowers their particular favourite?

Forget-Me-Not for Haurchefant and the others she's lost, Purple Columbine for a reason I know but can't put into words? The resolution of this chapter of her life (2.0-6.0) and all the pain that's come from it?? idk im bad at words HJGSFKSDF....anyway. Purple Lunaria just because I really like them tbh and I think she would too, Heliotrope for Urianger, Iris for hope, columbine for beauty, and a single Black Elpis :)

I think she's most fond of the Columbine and Lunaria! The Columbine bc it looks like a moon in front of a star, and the Lunaria mostly just bc of the name but also it's pretty!!

💤 SLEEPING - do they fall asleep easily? what helps them sleep?

NOT AT ALL!!!! He is HORRIBLY traumatized from the slaughter of his clan, the calamity he witnessed front and center in Limsa, and all the horrors and death he's experienced in his travels. Up until.....mmm. 6.0ish? He could NOT sleep without a prescription of very strong dream powder bc otherwise the nightmares would keep him up and he would just. not sleep! so this stuff was designed to knock him out and keep. him. down. which means he gets his 8 hours but also if he starts having a nightmare he cannot wake up so oops! once he meets estinien they discover he can be awoken with a good smack and also that while it doesnt help him get to sleep having someone he loves nearby/holding him does help keep the nightmares away a bit! over time as he builds a support system and just kinda becomes a happier person overall it does get a little easier and he regains the ability to doze off and nap at least!

during ShB he found himself mysteriously able to fall and stay asleep on his own after running out of his medicine and not wanting to return home to get more or bother the doctors in the crystarium and he didnt really think much of it he was just like thank god. finally some good fucking sleep. but obviously it's because emet-selch was lingering around watching him sleep even before he revealed himself to the scions and his aether was very calming to k'oto! obviously he didnt realize what was causing it until he started calling emet to his room near nightly and just getting the best fucking sleep of his life after fucking him and just having so much of his aether around and on and in him and it kinda hit him like OH.....and it was confirmed when he woke up on a night he didnt call for emet but he was there to watch over him as usual (he pretended to be asleep and not know emet was there and emet pretended to not know he was awake and went about his business of examining his aether and just kinda staring at him for a while until he was satisfied and left)

...uh i got really off topic there, sorry!

tldr; he has a really hard time sleeping bc of trauma and nightmares and all that could help him for a long time was medicine, but he later found companionship and being held and listening to someones heartbeat helped too!! and ofc just. emet selch existing in the same room apparently

i havent talked about catradora in a while lets do that. about the "catradora is abusive" take bc surprisingly there r still people saying that lmfao

like i keep seing those takes on tiktok now and it makes me think of that post about how characters are not Actual Living People but parts of a narrative that tells a story. like. catra and adora are not real ppl there is not an actual war happening where catra is a catgirl that scratches adora as they fight. yes, obviously physical violence exists in abusive relationships exist in the real world, but catradora isnt a story about an abusive relationship, so thats not what their real world equivalent would be. catra's story is about how growing up in an abusive environment (and more especially a religious one) affects you, it's a story about being traumatized and hurting and taking that out on the people around you, on getting worse and worse bc you refuse to get help. the show doesnt portray that as "its justified because shes mentally ill" tho, shes literally a villain through most of it, and all of her bad actions are shown to have bad consequences for her, like scorpia leaving. at the end, tho, she makes an effort to get better- she apologizes, for everyone she hurt, taking the blame. she doesnt force anyone anyone to forgive her, bc she recognizes that even if she treated them like shit bc she herself felt like shit, that doesnt excuse it. and she recognizes that adora was right to leave, that adora is allowed to have other friends and leave if shes toxic to her. catra's story is about healing and apologizing for the people that you hurt.

catradora im general is about healing, i think. their friendship wasn't the most healthy at the horde yeah, they were incredibly codependent there, because they were living in a incredibly toxic environment, and didnt know How to be healthy- and their story is about how they had to grown apart for a while, go through their own rock bottoms and come out on the other side, to heal and learn how to cope with their ugly emotions and be their own ppl separately, before they could mend their friendship (and form a relationship). its weird to me seeing ppl say that she-ra encourages both not taking responsibility for your actions and being in toxic relationships because its literally the opposite of that. neither of them could be happy before they learned how to not be toxic.

(and i mean catradora is about 8372974837293 other things too, about accepting that you're gay and religious trauma and etc, i didnt even talk about adora's story, the healing part of it is just what im focusing on here). also something that i realized is that at season 5 their roles where kinda flipped, i think. adora kept getting worse and worse, refusing to get help, and pushing everyone away, while catra was trying to get better, literally begging adora to try to get better too, and then leaving when adora refused to do so even if it hurt the people around her (she was literally planning to sacrifice herself without caring about how much that would hurt the ppl who loved her yall. its because of all the abuse she suffered and her terrible mental health, yeah, but just like adora wasnt obligated to stay and be hurt by catra when she was hurting, catra wasnt obligated to stay with adora.) a lot of people also said it was rushed, but 1-honestly yall say that about almost every kids cartoon, thats just how cartoons are, unfortunately they have to focus on plot and stuff so theyre deemed Entertaining and 2-her redemption is not over? we just saw the beginning of it. one of the last scenes was her apologizing, the show knows she still has a long way to go. anyways this is all i can think to say so im done akfbwkr sorry this is so repetitive and also ended in a completely different direction than it started im not a writer and i made 99% of this up as i went

*lays on my stomach, kicking my feet and twirling the phone cord* tell me about your blorbos

[plugs in my earbuds, puts on music and cracks knuckles] HERE WE GO LETS DO THIS THING this is going to be the longest post i ever write so please bare with me. also this wont be coherent

ok first: spoilers for All of final space. blue you can read this when we watch it together and also ashc*to shippers if you even come near this post nobody will find your body okay lets start

now. ash graven. i am the ash expert no one understands her like i do (real) lets start off with her. she is the Least open person in like the entire universe. like her first instinct upon meeting people is being as unwelcoming as possible (whether it is on purpose or not) which is totally because every single person in her life except for little cato has dehumanized her like you couldnt believe and she feels unloveable and dangerous and like she's always been surrounded by people either older than her (her brother fox) or just completley unapproachable (her shithead dad). so naturally she meets this boy a couple years younger than her and shes like. okay cool. how long till i fuck this up

the answer is like less than two hours within knowing him she randomly spats out that she likes him. which i dont think is remotely romantic el oh el this girl does not know how to interact with people naturally whoever interprets this as romantic can go to hell actually

and like. yeah. she is horrible at first impressions and pretty much everyone is either 1. scared of her or 2. finds her weird as hell. ALL EXCEPT FOR MY MAN LITTLE CATO

its worth noting that little cato is a literal ANGEL and he's kind and friendly with everyone and i LOOOOVE him for it. but it is so so so so important how nice he is to her specifically actually. yeah he starts off defensive because she kinda calls him a Pet and tells him to shush but ill say it again: do you think this girl has any idea how to talk normally to people. i get the feeling he quickly realizes that she doesnt mean any harm and is just. weird. like. Hi I Made This Doll Out Of Your Hair No It Doesn't Matter How I Got It weird.

it is SOOO obvious that she clings onto whoever is slightly nice to her Forever. he smiles at her once(1) and shes like okay this is going to be my new best friend for the rest of my life. and like i talk so much about how she loves him more than anything but never how !!! he does as well !!!!!! example.

as soon as she Thinks about having to go back to serepentis (place where she got unbelievably traumatized by watching her little sister Die im gonna get to that) she goes crazy and yells at everyone how she is Not going back there. i dont wanna throw gary under the bus but thats exactly what im gonna do right now. he tries to convince her for Two seconds (never trying to comfort her) and then gives up and tells little cato to try instead. now this single line is so important (im not insane) because the idea that gary went "she'll definitely talk to YOU" makes me feel like everyone kinda knew they were close (time in this show is weird but i believe they were already friends off screen fight me). but anyway little cato instead tells her "hey you dont have to answer but wanna talk about what happened" and she immediatly dumps it all on him. he knows her !!! and if he didnt know her at this point he knew enough about loss and grief to know this is what she needed to hear !!because he too saw a family member he loved so much die and feels like its his fault !!!! this is so important !!!!!!!

i can go on about the serepentis episode for ages and the fucking Scene at the end of said episode where he goes to talk to her because she went through Stuff in that episode and how he listens to her and makes her laugh and how this was the moment that sealed their friendship forever and and and. im gonna go off about how he reminds her of her dead sister instead

we dont know shit about harp but i choose to believe she was ash's baby sister because Fight Me. its not a coincidence that they had THEE bonding scene right after the episode we learn about harp. ash missed having a little sibling and she clearly trusted harp more than anyone and little cato made her feel like that again. he made her feel like someone loved her again. she had seen her baby sister dead in front of her yelling that she was gone and then ran after him right away like Come On. dont even get me started on how he understands her pain more than anyone in the team squad. his father died in front of his eyes because of a trap he unknowlingly helped set up, and a bomb that should've killed little cato. ash feels like she should've been surrendered instead of harp, or at the very least use her recently aqquired powers to save her. they both blame themselves for something that was really unavoidable. trauma bonding, yay!! this is a tiny detail and i dont think the storyboarders thought about this when they added it in, but when little cato is talking about how hes willing to make the time switch thingy so his dad can live, the camera focuses on her for a second and she looks concerned. she knows how he feels you guys. she knows why hes saying what hes saying because she'd do the same thing for her sis.

anyway season 2 doesnt really give them any other big moments but i overanalyze every second theyre on screen. from the grand surrender onwards nearly everytime theyre in the same screen theyre next to each other, i think ash feels safe around him and hes aware, so they kinda naturally go towards each other. i might be insane but i remember ash looking to his direction when she talks sometimes as if shes looking for approval. love wins <333

ok i need to move on or im gonna be here forever i have an entire season left

season 3 was like designed so i would go insane about it. like olan was in the writers room like el oh el lets make ash and little cato have these horrifying arcs that then link to each other so they can suffer together. that sounds like itll hurt red.

but anyway. to me it feels like the entire time theyre in final space (hell dimension) they leaned on each other. sure, little cato got a month to be with his recently revived father, but avocato was also going through shit, and couldnt relate to a lot of the things that happened to his son while he was gone. so what does little cato do? goes to ash. ash, on the other hand, was like having the worst time of her life. her father just ran away on them, she still had her big brother but it never felt like they could connect on a lot of the stuff that happened to her, what does she do? you will never fucking guess. this is all off screen btw trust me olan told me.

in this season they both go through horrible shit. ash finds out shes kinda like the daughter of this disembodied space demon and shes doomed to becoming as evil as it. she loses her brother, the one person she still had left. little cato finds out his "father" killed the king and queen of their home planet and never told him. ill get to the quotation marks in a bit.

ash is manipulated and used for this entire season, while little cato slowly drifts away from his dad. shes forced by gary to abandon her big brother. she FEELS invictus calling her, he grows concerned. when she goes into that black hole to look for answers, he desperately yells for her through the windows of the ship. when she comes back from receiving the "gift" from invictus hes the first person she goes to. the only person she SMILES at. shes changed, shes been forced to grow up but she still trusts him. she knows he wont freak out, she knows she can talk to him. little cato knows that hes the only one in the team squad who will, at this point, now that fox is gone. he is the only one she has left. he tries to protect her from the others, telling his dads not to freak out when they see her. OUGH i cant form a coherent thought about this its just. god. she clings onto him for this entire part of the season because she cannot afford to lose him. her reasons to stay on the team squad's side start to slowly fade away until she only has him.

and then she overhears gary and avocato talking about little cato's real parents. about how avocato killed them, about how hes been lying to his so called "son" this entire time. this is her last straw. she decides that hes safer with her. HE is her only priority. she HAS to protect him, what is she left with if she doesnt? hes the only one thats ever been cared about her.

so that scene was the worst thing that ever happened to me. little cato sees her in the midst of a mental breakdown and he calmly tells her that he thinks shes losing it, that shes scaring him. he NEVER gets angry or defensive not even when she tells him the truth mind you. do you think they wrote this scene thinking i would overthink it for the rest of my life. she takes him away because she loses grasp of whats rational and needs him around. to me it never felt like little cato wanted to leave her behind, he was "rescued" by his dads but he never seemed to antagonize her like the others did. he gave her the benefit of the doubt till the very end because he knew shed never lie or hurt him on purpose. i dont think he ever realized she was so important to him actually. he trusted her and tried his best to help her through invictus' control, but at the end of the day there was nothing he could do.

now if adult swim werent cowards and the show had a fourth season, i strongly believe little cato would've gone through the realization that maybe he needed her as much as she needed him and he would've been the one to still believe in her and convince the team squad to give her another chance. because he loves her and she loves him and they had the strongest relationship in the series right after gary and avocato dont @ me i know im right

anyway that was every single thought i have on their relationship i am eternally sorry for how long this is and how i could honestly go on [passes out on the post button]

I love it when people talk about things they're passionate about, tell me something cool!! Anything you want, just something you find interesting or want to talk about :D

hello anon my beloved, I am in a bad mood so you will be receiving a passionate, yet lowkey of pissy rant about why villainizing bakugou makes me wanna vomit and its NOT just because I'm a dumbass kinnie :)

tws: child abuse (emotional and physical), near death expierences, bullying, kidnapping, suffocation, lots of trauma in general tbh. if you've seen bnha then basically just keep all the general triggering plot stuff in mind incase i missed any warnings

also, note: I havent caught up on bnha in a minute, I'm at like the start of the war arc but I barely remember shit there tbh so like. probs missing new stuff. also bnha spoiler warnings lol

so, for starters, the homie bakugou has like,, a good handful of issues that come from his childhood that explain why he's an ass. he was always praised and never actually reprimanded for being a twat which led to him having a huge ego that ended up fucking him over majorly. this ego was something that his mother acknowledged him having, but literally didnt try to fix it with anything other than violence. see here:

like, instead of trying to help him, she hits and insults him, which is probably what led to his weird inferiority/superiority complex. being constantly told by others that you're outstanding and one day you'll be a top hero because you're rude and aggressive and then going home and being hit by your mother for those exact same behaviors is bound to fucking confuse a child.

so like, now that we've established that its definetly canon that his mother (parents? I think he said parents at some point but masaru doesn't seem like the type so 🤷) hits him though we don't know how much or how often (though if bakugou was as much of a little shit back then ((which as far as we've seen- he was)) then it was probably often), lets talk about how regardless of all that 1) hitting your kids as "discipline" not only doesn't work but is abusive lol like idc if it's spanking/popping them on the mouth for talking shit, slapping them across the face "on occasion", etc. shits not okay 2) hitting your kids!!!! does not work!!!!!!!! it is literally PROVEN not to work!!!!!!!! hitting a child who has done something wrong doesnt teach them to stop doing something it teaches them to be scared of you, which will cause the child to withdraw, removing part of their support system (assuming said abusive parents would even offer that up) and will most likely lead to them thinking they're a bad person, not that their actions were bad, which are two different things. so, ya know, that would clearly have an effect on a kid. like, as someone with a mother who reminds me all too much of mitsuki: I have acted like a complete shitbag and taken my anger out on people to feel better in the past because of the way my mother treated me. though it was nowhere near what bakugou did, I still know first fucking hand what a mother hitting and insulting her child will do, especially if they have no proper outlet for that (friends, a safe place to vent) which bakugou never fucking had.

theres also the fact that just talking to your kid the way mitsuki does (saying it's his fault he was kidnapped because he's weak, all while hitting him) is not??? okay?????? ive seen people arguing that this was just a joke in poor taste but like her son was KIDNAPPED and even if it was a "joke" there's literally NO WAY that would EVER?? BE FUNNY??????? she just sounds like the kind of parent who at the very least says shit without thinking that would traumatize bakugou (because being told right after being kidnapped it's your fucking fault by your mother is absolutely traumatizing) but it comes across as her being emotionally abusive.

mitsukis character as a whole comes across as a shitty mom who doesn't realize she's a shitty mom and thinks bakugou being an ass isn't at least partially her fault even though she's admitted to realizing he has always had an ego problem and doing nothing to fix it except for hitting and yelling which obviously did nothing but make him just as loud and violent as she is.

this is obviously not the entire reason why he's a dick but he was never properly taught that the shit he was doing wasn't okay and people not stopping it and/or praising him endlessly even tho he was a bully is basically the same as encouraging it, thank you very much.

moving on from that, let's talk about bakugous other traumas and how he naturally responds to them. hint: it's with either full blown panic or a fight response (verbal or physical, though usually physical. also sometimes it's the panic followed by the fight response.)

so far in bnha (keep in mind that I am not caught up, I've only read up to the beginning of the war arc and i barely remember those bits so) bakugou has...

nearly died via sludge villain (he was unable to move and was being suffocated to death- keep this in mind)

lost for the first time ever and against deku of all people (this nearly sent him into a full blown panic attack, likely because of that sexy little inferiority/superiority complex combo. think of this as like. gifted kid burnout lite. he has always been the best of the best and now suddenly he is being beaten by somebody who has always been weaker than him, which immediately makes him start thinking he was never actually that good, he's actually a fucking failure, a goddamn fraud)

won the sports festival by default (bakugou counts this as yet another failure because todoroki didnt try his best. had bakugou lost to todoroki full strength, he would've taken 2nd place with a bit of bitching, but he still wouldve taken it rather than refuse the medal as it would be a reminder that he failed. instead of accepting that like UA shouldve, the staff chained and muzzled him on live television and then had all might, his fucking idol, force the medal into his mouth. remember the sludge villain incident and how he couldnt move and was suffocating to death? yeah.)

been kidnapped because of the way he reacted to winning during the sports festival (he was aggressive and tried to refuse the medal because he felt he didnt deserve it and was then retraumatized by being chained up and muzzled. his "villainous attitude" was a fucking trauma response, do not tell me otherwise)

was then chained up once again by the LOV after being kidnapped,,, do we see the "retraumatize bkg" theme yet?

"ended all might" (he literally blames himself for all mights retirement because had he just not have been weak, all might wouldve had more time, right?)

my point with all of these is that bakugou has been severely traumatized and has then had his trauma responses (aggression, fight) used to further demonize him. not all people with trauma react the fucking same and the way the fandom just refuses to acknowledge anger as a valid form of trauma response is gross as hell.

moving away from that topic, bakugou has literally never had any actual friends, they all just used him and didn't care about him which absolutely will fuck up a kid, especially one who already has all that other shit going on. bakugou deadass never had a support system or people to help him grow as a person, let alone properly work through his fucking emotions so it's not surprising that he would take out his bullshit on the one person who tried to help him especially considering he saw dekus actions as him thinking he was weak. bakugou was raised to not seek help, he thought somebody strong shouldnt ever need it, so for somebody like deku (who bakugou percieved as weak and helpless already) to offer up help? deku must obviously think bakugou is even weaker than him, what other explanation could their possibly be!

speaking of which, there's his heaps of insecurities that he basically hid by being a twat and bullying others for most of his life. kid was so insecure he bullied deku for fucking years cause he thought deku looked down on him, thought he was better than him, etc. and that only got worse bc his idol then decided to take deku in, train him and even give him his quirk. there's probably some shit im missing but still he's got issues and always has had issues. that being said, he's actually improving and working them out now which is what makes him a really good, interesting character. it's also nice to see a character who is a dick without some tragic backstory (like his backstory is sad but its not the classic "my family was fucking slaughtered and i turned into a raging bitch who murders people" type shit) bc that rarely happens and it's like most assholes don't actually have a story like that they're just assholes lol

now lets talk improvement! lil bitch has been getting better since he got into UA and im so happy abt it!! he had a rough start what with deku suddenly having a quirk and all but like he is really improving now and it highkey shows that bakugou just mostly needed people who 1) didn't constantly praise him and actually criticized him instead 2) actually fucking punished him doing stupid shit and 3) some motherfucking friends

Since going to UA he's gotten actually feedback from teachers about his weaknesses and how to get stronger, he's lost against others, hes been told he has a shit attitude and is a dick, told he should be nicer and leave deku alone, etc etc. He hasn't gotten in trouble too much with teachers but others give him shit for what he does and aizawa has punished him too, while still acknowledging that bakugou is an amazing and dedicated student, something which no one else had done up til that point. and uh???? homie actually has friends who like,,, don't use him and also call him out when he's a dick. like specifically kirishima has done this shit and him and bakugous relationship is clearly very healthy and beneficial for the both of them. makes me feel all happy n shit, ya know

bottom line is: while it is absolutely valid to dislike or even hate bakugou because he is a massively flawed person who has been very cruel to others, villainizing him for the way he acts which in large part seems to be from a lack of guidance, a shitty mother and heavy amounts of trauma, is fucking awful. his actions cannot be fucking excused, he needs to apologize and continue to grow, but he is also a fucking teenager, who is just now being told that the way he acts is unacceptable by people who dont fucking abuse him (and I swear to god if any people who think mitsuki isnt abusive interact with this fucking post I will fullstop hardblock you, I do not fucking care) and actually treat him like a normal person instead of some prodigy child or someone who needs to be fixed.

people are free to debate my points or whatever bc I know some of this stuff is up to interpretation but like. dni if you're just here to say you hate bakugou for xyz reason or that he's irredeemable. also especially dni if you compare him to fucking endeavor yall bitches make me gag.

anyways thxs for the ask anon <33 sorry this is a kinda messy info dump lol

Ultimate Ship Meme: Azulaang

Rate the Ship -  

Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - Until I say so. I can see them being together after death as spirits.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - Ooooh boy. Azula struggles to understand friendship. I think she'd fall in love fast and hard but take the longest to realize. Aang wouldn't let himself get attached at first because Azula is unapologetic and one of the things I like about Azulaang is how it would push Aang to deals with the nitty gritty gray, not in a The Fire Nation was right all along way but in how even Kyoshi and Roku's conflict resolution let to disagreements. I think it would take Aang longer to fall in but once they reach a semblance of common ground he'd be well aware he's falling in love and would enjoy the ride.

How was their first kiss? - Let's see my fanfics. In Blue it was awkward. In Weightless it was sweet. In Smut it was horny and hate filled. In canon I think their first kiss would be very passionate and then they snap back to reality and Aang would evade while Azula denies so they wouldn't talk about it but they'd for sure be thinking about the kiss.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Technically Azula. As soon as Aang hears about a Fire Nation wedding, either his friends or he learns about Ozai and Ursa's wedding, his mind would be set on a wedding. He wouldn't say anything but he'd squirrel away relevant wedding information like he'd hear a song and go "I want that instrument to play at my wedding." But Azula would have her life planned out by other people and there'd be a set date where Ozai now Zuko are supposed to comb through suitor requests (it was probably Ursa's role. If she's there she'd talk to Azula directly instead of Lo and Li. I don't think Lo and Li are high enough rank to determine the suitor but I think it would be customary/expected for their input to be asked). Azula would tell Aang something along the lines of "I should be wed." and he'd agree and then Azula will spend an abnormally long time wondering if he married her because he liked her or because it's his duty until she asks him while he's discussing potential baby room colors pre wedding.

Who is the best man/men? - Sokka and Toph. Azula was going to pick Momo but he made a better flower girl. Yes she did this to annoy Zuko (and because Toph didnt want to wear the bridesmaid outfit) it's okay though Fire Lord Zuko was the guest of honor.

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Katara, Suki, Mai, Ty Lee. Mai pretends she hates the outfit but she's secretly pleased.

Who did the most planning? - Aang did the most thinking but Azula did the most planning.

Who stressed the most? - Externally Aang. Internally Azula.

How fancy was the ceremony? -

Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

100% Azula's fault. Aang has no clue what Fire Nation weddings are supposed to be like.

Aang: Wow I can't believe all weddings in your Nation are this big.

Azula: They're not. It's because I'm Royalty and you're the Avatar.

Though I hc that Aang wants to get married in all the different Nations and Azula secretly wants to experience a small wedding so they get married 3 more times with one of them being a very small Air Nation wedding.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Hmmm I'm not sure. On one hand, Ozai redemption. On the other hand, Ozai death.

Sex:

Who is on top? - Aang. Azula thinks she wants to be on top but she'd rather be pampered and Aang is more comfortable communicating and attending to needs. Aang has no strong preference either way and they do switch but this is their usual dynamic.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Azula but she denies it.

How healthy is their sex life? -

Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

I think it's up to the reader's preference but I can see them being very private (Azula) and naturally talented (Aang) to the point where they assume every couple has sex daily. Hc that Aang and Suki talk about sex freely (ex: When I do __ should I __ or do girls prefer ___? I can never tell with Azula. Why do guys do ___ after ____ ? I've tried asking Sokka but he doesn't give me a straight answer.) Much to the fear of Sokka and Azula.

How kinky are they? -

Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

Again up to the reader. They both like learning new things and are prodigies so I think they'd end up reading about things to try in bed (Azula) and would try things out to see what they like (Aang) until they learn what they and each other generally like/dislike.

How long do they normally last? - 

Does the Avatar State remove your refractory period? >;3c

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - No. Aang likes overstimulating.

How rough are they in bed? -

Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

Neither can dirty talk. Azula is rougher. Aang likes to take it slow. She sets the pace in the beginning but he decides when it ends.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? -

No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Azula refuses to cuddle in public but in return they cuddle all night.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - hc them having twin boys at first with one firebender and one airbender because poetry. But Azula really wants a girl so they have a third child she is an airbender with Aang's charm and knack for getting in trouble and Azula's ruthlessness. Amon kidnaps her and instead of easily escaping (Aang's genes) she instead viciously mocks him the way only a preteen can (Azula's genes.) It's traumatic enough for Amon even before the parents show up. Then Aang wants another one and Azula wants another firebender so they do the do and surprise triplets! (maybe it has to do with ejaculatimg in the Avatar State lol) So 6 in total and lets say its 3 boys 3 girls with 3 airbenders 3 firebenders.

How many children will they adopt? - None. Azula is wary of motherhood and I know people like to hc Aang as adopting and while I can see him acting as a father figure to several kids I think he'd greatly prefer biological kids especially airbenders. It's a flaw that was barely touched upon and def not handled well in Legend of Korra.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Servants or Aang. After a kid or two Azula would be comfortable enough to change the diapers but it would still be mostly Aang.

Who is the stricter parent? - Depends on the kid. Aang is more lenient with airbenders and Azula with firebenders or girls. I can see Azula being strict with training & studies but not with sharing whereas Aang would have less rules but they'd be more heavily enforced (ex: no airgliding without supervision until you've mastered the safety course)

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Azula. She's pretty lenient with the term dangerous esp. when it comes to firebending as long as basic safety measures are applied (ex: you can pracrice lightning as long as it's not pointed towards yourself aka dont be Zuzu) but Aang is of the mindset "How are you gonna learn airbending without dangerous stunts?" And after the first few incidents she started stepping in.

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Azula but Aang cooks them.

Who is the more loved parent? - Appa

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Azula. When Aang attends the teachers shower him and his kids with compliments ("You're doing so well teaching your kids the values of the Air Nomads. It must be so hard being The Last Airbender"). They do the same with Azula but unlike Aang she sees through it and manages to get an accurate assessment of how their kids are doing.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Aang was more happy than sad. Azula cried before and after.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Aang. He is a notorious lawbreaker. Azula would bail the kids and she could do so quicker than Aang in a few cases because of her connections but she'd be mad so their kids would rather call Aang or break themselves out.

Cooking: 

Who does the most cooking? - Tied. Aang at first but then Azula wants to learn and after Aang teaches her since she has less experience she finds more enjoyment in cooking.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - 

Technically Aang since he's a vegetarian. Azula hasn't tried as many foods and she's used to not making a fuss at the family dinner table to the point of which Aang notices.

Who does the grocery shopping? - Both. Aang has a better eye for vegetables/fruits and Azula is better with prices (it's not about the cost it's about the value).

How often do they bake desserts? - Aang bakes them when he can/weekly. They're fruit based so if Azula doesn't want dessert he gives it to Momo or flings it at a target.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Gee I wonder. Aang eats salad Azula eats meat.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Aang but Azula tends to figures it out. Azula is more likely to plan a dinner but she wouldn't make it a surprise.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Aang but Azula is a close second. It would be a tie if it wasn't for the bathhouse.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Accidentally? Aang. On purpose? Azula.

Who cleans the room? - Servants or Aang.

Chores: 

Who is really against chores? - Azula hates cleaning up but she's neater.

Who cleans up after the pets? - Aang.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Aang.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Azula.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Aang.

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Azula. In the Fire Nation Palace Aang has taken to chatting with Azula in the Royal Spa while he feeds her (and mostly himself) cherries.

Misc:

Who takes the dog Appa out for a walk? - Aang

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Never. Once they like the room they like the room. If its an event they'll go to a different location for it or leave the Air Temple as is.

What are their goals for the relationship? -

To stay together.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? -

Aang slept for a hundred years so I'll give it to him.

Who plays the most pranks? - Tie. They've both pulled elaborate pranks as kids.

man i really did just realize (a lot after looking at @emmiewtf 's posts and @//animemindset on tik tok they are so cool) why the last episode really did overall feel so much more unsatisfactory and didnt have like. as much oomf as it could've. (tiny tl:dr at the end if you cant read through this all this do be long)

despite having some really cool ass scenes and little things and some cute ass renga stuff. it was so much more focused and around adam than usual? and being genuinely uncomfortable and still not really liking adam because he's still. super creepy. its really just kinda disappointing to see how focused it was on him and how he literally didn't get like any consequences for any of the shit he pulled? like cool clown man you like skateboarding again, are we like gonna acknowledge the constant assault of skaters you went against, one being reki why is obviously just a minor trying to have fun while you literally traumatized him? like so much of the shit that happened to reki. adam inadvertently or not caused that and the fear of him getting left behind by langa and stuff because of how adam skated with reki. like i don't know if this makes sense and im super happy reki is happy with skating again but that shit and trauma still happened and led reki to that downward spiral and i feel like we don't talk about that enough. and adam still like. never got any consequences for that. if not for weird ass behavior around people that are literally minors, especially knowing how adam acts and that adam had some sort of connection with miya who's like. hardly 13-14 or so. you had a fucked family life and childhood and it's understandable to change because of that but just because your past is shit doesnt mean you commit assault for fun and act like that to kids. and innocent people just watching like when he used bystanders when he raced. that wasn't fun that was just. concerning. and he got no punishments, he like, as i understand practically got away free

he genuinely is not a character i like. and many people probably feel the same. the last episode was more focused on him and redeeming him compared to others and it really just didn't feel right. more focus on the protagonists, reki and langa, ESPECIALLY reki just would've made it better i think? more about their relationship, cherry, joe, MIYA. miya like, got so pushed on the back burner in the more recent episodes? didn't even get an on screen apology or proper explanation of reki's situation and as someone who genuinely loves miya that was. pretty disappointing please give miya more appreciation. but despite that uh. reki and langa's relationship was like, practically used to give adam a reason to skate for fun again. which is. like alright i guess? i just really didnt like it. it was fucking amazing to see langa break out of 'the zone' type thing because of reki and him putting fun in his skateboard but the focus on teaching adam thats its fun. it makes sense, it was practically expected considering how focused the show is on skateboarding being fun but after all the stuff adam did it wasn't satisfying seeing him get away with everything and suddenly be sort of friends? like ok with the rest of the cast. (ALSO TADASHI WHY WERE YOU OK WITH THE DOG THING???? DUDE???????? his like. love for skating once again is back i guess? but bro that. alright if he's into that im not judgin)

episodes like episode 6, 10, and 11 were my favorites and that's solely based on it being more centric on the actual protagonists and the cast genuinely having fun. and adam getting what he deserves. or adam must not being there HEHAHAHEJHFV so. in episode 6 there was like no adam and it was just the main 6 having fun! it was a genuinely great episode to watch with the cutest moments, plus some good ass foreshadowing? okay just more subtle buildup of reki's insecurities with some really nice moments while also being funny and fun! and that was really nice to watch! i think episodes 10 and 11, moreso 10 are my favorites because they're reki-centric. episode 10, we got to see so many intense character moments, shadow literally getting fucking bonked by that dude with his manager (STILL SAD OVER HER GETTING WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHERE IS THE HIROMI APPRECIATION HE TOOK A BAT. LIKE MULTIPLE HITS TO THE HEAD FOR HER???), i think that was the episode with the matchablossom carry? MANAGER OKA MOMENTS WE LOVE TO SEE IT HELL YES GET IT MAN WE LOVE TO SEE THE SUPPORT AND ADVICE TO REKI. TADASHI TAKING REKI TO A LOVE HOTEL?? THAT WAS SO OUT OF NOWHERE BUT ACTUALLY SO FUNNY TO ME (kinda creepy when he asked have you never been here before like. tadashi he's like, 17, please) and HOO BOY. LIKE ALL OF THE REKI MOMENTS IN THE EPISODE. GETTING MORE INSIGHT IN REKIS PAST (WHO IS!!! THE GANG HE WAS WITH!!!!!!!) AND SEEING HIM SLOWLY START TO REGAIN HIS LOVE FOR SKATING AND APOLOGIZE TO LANGA???? LITERALLY THE WHOLE SCENE WHEN HE RECONNECTED WITH LANGA. NOW THAT WAS SATISFYING. SEEING THE WAY THAT REKI LIT UP AGAIN WHEN HE REALIZED SKATING WAS FUN. HIS CONFIDENCE COMING BACK. SKATING WITH LANGA BECAUSE SKATING IS PRACTICALLY LOVE AND THEIR LOVE LANGUAGE SO THAT WAS ENOUGH. THE WAY LANGA WAS FOCUSED ON REKI. HIS BOARD WAS BROKEN BUT HIS TOP PRIORITY ISN'T JUST SKATING, IT WAS REKI. IT WASN'T FUN WITHOUT REKI AND HE LOVES IT BECAUSE ITS WITH REKI. AND EPISODE TEN JUST REALLY SHOWED REKI AND LANGA'S RELATIONSHIP PERFECTLY AND THE MAKE UP WAS SO GENUINELY SATISFYING WITH THE CUTEST FUCKING MOMENTS. THAT COMBINED WITH HOW GOOD THE PROGRESSION OF REKI WAS THROUGHOUT THE EPISODE REALLY JUST MADE IT HIT TO ME. it actually focused on the protagonists. and it was. so good. i will give anything to feel the same way i did watching episode ten for the first time again. it was a rollercoaster in all the perfect ways and it was just so genuinely fun and satisfying. and episode 11? was the perfect continuation of that for me.

episode 11. was so good. as i've seen many people say, its like reki reclaiming his spot as the main character and one of the main protagonists. he took a chance on the rain, he went against adam again and this time showed he wasn't afraid. he was just having fun and he was overcoming adam because of it. it wasn't just the board he made. this was emphasis on reki's own skills and confidence and how it got him to, even with not actually winning the race, he fuckin won. he showed adam who the hell he was. he showed EVERYONE what he was capable of despite of how much everyone doubted him. and do you know what makes that doubt people had in him even better? okay that wasn't worded really well but the doubt people had in him made the payoff of his success even better. but its the way that langa didn't fucking doubt him for a moment. he had his FULL TRUST in reki the entire time even when pretty much everyone else wanted him to give up. expected him and wanted him to stand down against adam. but langa believed and trusted reki. and even when he didn't win his first thought was to check on him and protect him from adam. renga's relationship, platonic or not is just. so amazing. so fucking beautiful despite the ups and downs because of how much care. the amount of trust they have in eachother, how they just know and understand eachother. its fun and okay because its the two of them. and that showed throughout the episode and i loved that. BUT ENOUGH RENGA. THE FOCUS ON REKI IN THE EPISODE. i believe in reki supremacy and that he needs more appreciation as the main character, the protagonist, and hoo boy. eleven was THE most satisfying shit. ARE WE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT REKI EFFECTIVELY, DESPITE TALENT, COPIED LANGA'S TRICK? HOW HE SORTA REVERSE LOVE HUGGED ADAM? HOW HE USED AND LEARNED THE THINGY MIYA TAUGHT HIM yes i forgot the name IN THE FIRST RACE WITH ADAM. HOW REKI IS SO GOOD AT LEARNING THAT SHIT JUST BECAUSE ITS FUN. HE JUST DID IT BECAUSE IT SEEMED MORE FUN AND THATS SO AMAZING. PLUS THE CONFIDENCE REKI HAS? THE RESILIENCE HE HOLDS? HOW HE KEPT STANDING UP? TAKING EVERY THROW SPIN AND PUNCH once again fuck adam thats just a kid having fun and you were punching him until he was bleeding. if he didn't pull away, adam had those spiky things on his elbows. he would've genuinely hurt reki AGAIN. PLUS HIM PULLING THE FULL SWING KISS ON REKI???????? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. LIKE THE WAY REKI EVADED IT WAS SO COOL GO OFF REKI BABY YOU'RE DOING AMAZING BUT ADAM WHAT THE FUCK. but on the note of reki being amazing again, this episode really did show that. it had so much focus on reki and showed how him being reki, his confidence, the skills he developed himself, his love for skating is what makes him amazing. him being reki. thats what made people like him. thats what gave him everyone's support. thats what made him practically win and show that he IS the main character. that was reki at his BEST. the satisfaction of proving everyone wrong. his found skating family being so hyped and proud of him. AND HOO. FUCKING, BOY, ANOTHER ONE OF THE BESTS PART OF ELEVEN WAS ADAM EATING SHIT. WHAT HE FUCKING DESERVED. the mentality of the s goers and fans is kinda dumb with them not really caring about reki until this and literally bashing him still sorta at the start of the race. then immediately clowning adam, but adam like actually deserves the clowning hah. bitch. the best part of episode 11 was not only reki, but how they treated adam. he was GETTING what he deserved. seeing adam on the ground and fallen. people booing him and focusing on reki being cool as shit instead of adam winning. that was so fucking satisfying. taking the 'king' away from his throne after all the fuckery he's done, him being shunned. now that was beautiful. that was what i liked and adored. 11 once again, reki-centric, and adam getting some punishment for his actions. that was amazing. that was what i liked. i watched sk8 for reki and seeing that made me scream in delight.

episodes 10 and 11 were just, yeah. the focus on the main characters and adam getting what he deserved. the renga relationship moments were just. something about them both was just perfect and i hope i conveyed that right. episode 12 just . didn't make me feel all that much. at least compared to those 2. and that's pretty much completely because of adam. and because after 10 and 11, 12 really was just. kinda underwhelming i guess? the adam-centricness of it. the use of langa's love for reki and skateboarding for adam's sake really was just kinda. eh. THE ENDING AND ACTUAL MOMENTS THAT HIGHLIGHTED REKI AND LANGA WERE BEAUTIFUL AS ALWAYS but the adamness was just. yeah. it was. mm. all of my rant juice is like running out ive been typing this for like an hour so

TL;DR: the focus on and redemption of adam and not our mains was what made 12 so eh. the characters and their relationships is what makes sk8 so good and the sudden focus on adam was just. mm if you read all of that i hope that made sense and please feel to add on and respond!! i love seeing people's insight on things and i tend to forget about stuff when i rant!

(i dont care to do c! tags bc theres. so many characters. if i dont say cc! then im talking abt the characters) normally i am not one to think much about the syndicate bc outside of ranboo being there to protect tubbo the syndicate Frustrates me a bit but. if phil starts to realize just how fucked over tubbo got by schlatt being erased from the narrative (and especially how shittily techno has treated tubbo) then i really hope they lean into like. the fact that the syndicate may soon turn into phil, niki, ranboo, and possibly the mystery member (im including mystery member mostly because i think tubbo is on good terms with almost everyone except like. dream, possibly wilbur but we'll see, and like the eggpire ppl but none of them are likely options but it is possible that the mystery member could just be neutral) all like. wanting tubbo to be safe and phil is *just* reasonable enough that i think he'd realize how unfair it is for tubbo to have been subjected to so much shit just for techno to introduce even more fear and the need to hide in his life

like phil already keeps the bee duo marriage and michael a secret, he lets tubbo come over and while of course its mostly from the semi lore vibes phil seems vaguely fond of tubbo already (i dont think phil and tubbo have father/son vibes tho, more just like. tubbo is just That Kid that adults cant help but adore even though the kid will rob them of house and home. slightly amused elder watching a tiny fucking gremlin make sex jokes and talk about soviet russia), niki from what i remember still cares about tubbo (probably because she cant redirect any anger towards him without realizing how unjustified it would be kcnsks she can come up with excuses for hating tommy but tubbo didnt do anything that niki has a problem with outside of her maybe having a bad view on butcher army if she knows about it?), ranboo is. ranboo. i dont need to clarify. and then like said theres a very low possibility of the fifth member *disliking* tubbo or being unable to sympathize with him.

people talk a lot about how techno needs to lose in a way that he cant easily come back from without introspection and i think while the rest of the syndicate standing up for tubbo would increase technos grudge against tubbo initially its also like. something that i think would maybe force techno to see tubbo as a person because now theres nothing techno can box (haha gettit. tubbox tubbo in a box tubbo getting boxed into certain roles by people who refuse to let him out techno esp doin this teehoo) tubbo into that wouldnt just. acknowledge that tubbo is a person. hes not apart of the government anymore, not planning any failed revolution, the most negative title to his name is being one of the nuke makers but even then thats out of fear and safety and techno knows that. otherwise tubbos current crimes are nothing thats special to tubbo (like. stealing and searching for evidence in ppls homes and stuff, the latter of which techno doesnr even know about). right now tubbos a husband, a father, a friend, a kid, *ex*-government, a person. and just.

i think that with how much foreshadowing about tubbos execution no longer being a secret amongst the witnesses and tubbo himself and soon being something that people close to techno like phil and ranboo know about as well (in that i want phil to learn that techno did it and for ranboo to learn about it in general bc hes just biased enough for tubbo and just smart enough that i think even if somehow he wasnt told who did it he could figure it out), and with the fact that tubbos lore has been confirmed to now be something thats actively going to be played into? i think (or at least hope) that it might spur phil and techno into finally seeing tubbos side of the story (and probably also get into the possibility of tubbo opening up to tommy and ranboo but i do think realistically either tubbo will try to play it off/not truly open up about how much its effected him or tubbo will at first shut down or go into complete repression mode, especially if phil and ranboo get the story from other people rather than tubbo himself [but god do i hope they confront tubbo himself]. either those two or tubbo talks about his emotions through fucking snapping at something/someone like he did at quackity when reminded of his execution, which as long as its Not tommy or ranboo ill absolutely be cheering on him for)

which is all a very convoluted way of saying uhh. *grabby paws at the ccs currently involved in the arc of clearing up personal misconceptions about l'manberg (and especially tubbos involvement and how easily those around him judged him based off of their versions of the story)* tubbo lore? tubbo healing tubbo talking about his problems? characters learning to see him as a person and recognizing how traumatized he is and that hes not uneffected but actively repressing any effects? please? (also ending note as the cherry on top of this essay that im sorry for dropping into your inbox: im kind of glad that tommys healing arc and tubbos possible healing arc are going to happen at similar times but are still separate. something something its nice to see acknowledgement that tommy and tubbo wont heal in the same way and arent going to know how to help each other but theyre still going through it together. their arcs are intertwining without removing their individuality and as someone w major co-dependency issues its kind of nice idk. you can be there for someone and still acknowledge that you have your own things to go through too and that while you wont be alone you shouldnt force those around you to support you. the bench trio are all helping each other out of free will and genuine love for each other while still realizing they have some problems they arent ready to talk about yet that arent forced to the open because theyre all doing their best to handle each other with care and i just. bench trio my beloveds. the kids are alright.) -🎭🎪 (also as the actual end note if theres ever a need to refer to me as something other than the emojis mask or eyez works fine but the idea of my name being the emojis is also Very Funny to me so do what you will)

im working on my aperture camera college assignment rn and my brain is sort of fried so i dont have an intelligent answer, but i got the happy chemical reading this.

yeah. i think we all know here that my favorite character is tubbo, and i REALLY hope we get him addressing anything that’s happened to him in canon. pretty much all of what you said sounds very good. *grabby hands* spare tubbo lore? please? spare tubbo lore?

perhaps during the three weeks wilburs off in the fucking woods (/lh) we could have a the-others-find-out-what-happened-to-tubbo-(and in DETAIL)-arc. pleaseeeeeeeee and ty

and then he smiled, and thats what im after. (The series)

Edit:This is horrid. For your well being, I recommend you would scroll past this. If you would like to stay, be ready to be forever traumatized by horrible writing, and a crappy storyline.  Proceed with caution! ⚠️

Ch. 1 : remember it all

Kuzuryu chose chishiya, because he felt chishiya needed it. As soon as he chose him, he started talking with chishiya, this place was hell, anyways.   They got put in a game together. Chishiya made kuzuryu drive. They entered the game together, with about 5 other people.   Registration closed.

Game: remember it all : 3 of hearts

Time and player limit: 10 players, 1 hour.

Rules: enter the room up ahead, and take the pill. Adjust your expression to a calm one, and sit down. The big screen infront of you all will light up, and it will show clips of your life. It will choose people randomly. If you change your expression anytime throughout you or someone elses clips, its game over for you. There will also be an illusion.  

Game start

They entered the other room together, and took the pill just like everyone else did. Kuzuryu and chishiya had no need to adjust because, like always, they were already calm.   First player: Kuzuryu keiichi

Kuzuryu didnt really have a bad childhood. He grew up in an average house hold, and they treated him well.   The first one was about him telling his friend that he thought that the world was so unfair, especially the people in it.   The second was about him fighting for something he believed. That all lives were created equally, and that there shouldnt be any debate between that. Kuzuryu still agreed with what he thought in those 2 clips. Chishiya just watched a little more intently then he thought he woud, just because he knew kuzuryu and wanted to know more about the man. Others just didnt care.  The third one, though, caught quite the attention of some people there. It was a clip of him driving, right before borderland. He had come back from america, and went back to japan. When he was driving, he was looking out the window. There were what appeared to be fireworks, but they looked a bit, different. He didnt think he missed anything, but looked closely anyways. Well, he was looking a bit to much, as, on kuzuryus end, he felt as if he had been pushed, by someone quite strong. Then he realized that it was a car that crashed into him. And all of a sudden, the screen went black. 1 person screamed by the sudden change. Kuzuryu didnt find this event too scary for him, as, he knew that he was fine, and he only injured his arm, and it had recovered now. But his car? Oh he didnt know about that.   Then came the illusion. It was someone being excluded. In one scenario they were blamed and the person in charge of it was believing the other person just because they were friends with the accuser.

It didnt stun kuzuryu or make him change his expression, no. But, it did trigger Kuzuryu in a way, even though it wasnt visible.   Next player: Shuntaro Chishiya

Kuzuryu held chishiyas hand, and chishiya responded with trying to tug it away, but he was unsuccessful. Kuzuryu was doing it to give chishiya some comfort. So chishiya would calm down if he saw something he didn’t want to. He didnt want chishiya not to die just because he himself wanted to live, but mostly because he didnt want to die knowing he failed. It wouldve made him ashamed, and he felt he wanted to do something good.   The first clip had chishiya, who looked about 2 there, was crying, and all his parents did was buy some food, and give it to him. Kuzuryu didnt change his expression, but he was more triggered by this than that illusion he had for his. He hated when this stuff happened.   The second clip had chishiya finishing middle school with perfect grades. He ran up to his fathers door when he came home in excitement. Yet, before he knocked on the door, he paused. He looked down at his report card, and just walked away with it. He cursed himself for even trying. Why would his father care, anways? He showed him at the end of 5th grade and his father just kept working. As if chishiya didnt even exist.

The last clip was about him coming home. He looked about 14 there. He took his shoes off, and went to his bedroom. He started doing all his left over homework he hadnt done in school (he did most of it during his lunch time). After he did his homework, and studied right away. He studied, and studied, and studied. He didnt even grab anything to eat. He knew it was bad for him to not eat, but he did it to get good grades. He didnt even know why he tried. He almost fell asleep, when he realized he hadnt finished writing the 15 page essay he had. He was also almost falling asleep because he forgot why he was doing all of this, so he wrote himself a note, and it read : When you get into med school after all of that studying, maybe your “father” will love you. -chishiya

That made kuzuryus blood boil, but he didnt give any physical reaction. Chishiya didnt do anything at all, and just sat there, staring at the scene. A girl laughed, not understanding why anyone would find that sad, but then, a laser shot through her head. Neither kuzuryu or shuntaro cared.

The illusion finally came, but it wasnt what chishiya was expecting. It showed chishiyas dad hugging him, and saying he was proud of him. Kuzuryu felt chishiyas body tense a little, but chishiyas expression didnt change. Keiichi held chishiyas hand tighter, and chishiya relaxed.  

Throughout the game, their expression never changed. At the end, there were only 3 more people including them. 

Chishiya decided he would drive. “Thank you.” He said. “Your welcome.” Kuzuryu replied. They talked a bit, and kuzuryu took the chance to tell chishiya that what his father did was not okay. And when chishiya got out, he should do something about it. Try to talk to his father, get a therapist.   When they got back, they both knew that they were slightly closer, and for kuzuryu, that was enough for now.

Ch. 2 : Run fast

“Are you playing tonight?” Kuzuryu asked chishiya. “Mhm. I asked hatter, as the game we played just gave us 3 days.” Chishiya replied. “Im going too.” Kuzuryu stated. Chishiya just nodded.   Chishiya entered the game arena. It was pouring outside. As he walked in, he saw about 19 other people. He grabbed a phone, and went to a corner.  (A few minutes later) Registration closed.

Game: Race : 6 of spades

Time limit: 50 minutes

Player limit: 20  Rules: Every player will be put together in twos. You will enter a room with your partner. There will be a starting and finish line. Take 5 weapons max from the table. The count down will go from 10 to 0. When it says go, the laser preventing you from going will disappear, and you must start running. You can use weapons to sabotage the other player. This will keep going between the winners of each round, and whoever is the last man standing, wins. If there is not enough players, the leftover one with no partner will be safe until there is a place for them.

Game start.   Now, chishiya wasnt the best at spades, but he knew he could run. He wasnt too sure, though, as most people there looked like the type to be good at spades, but he didnt let that thought intimidate him.

He got paired with some buff dude. They entered the room, and the buff guy chose a knife, an axe, a bat, some weapon chishiya didnt know the name of, and a hammer. Well dang. Chishiya was surprised they guy didnt choose a gun, though. After the guy turned around, chishiya took a gun he learned in the other world had good range, so he took it, closed fire, and put it in his pocket. He knew he had good aim, so he didnt worry about that.

3, 2, 1, go!

Chishiya started walking, while the man ran as fast as he could. It was a good distance, so chishiya took his time. When the man was pretty far ahead, chishiya ran and caught up in a few seconds. The finish line was pretty far, and chishiya thanked the fact that when he ran, he didnt make much noise. He got close to the man, took out the gun he had in his pocket, opened fire, and shot. The man of course looked at him before he shot, but, it was too late anyways. Chishiya made sure to shoot him in the head, so that it would for sure kill him, and he ran as fast as he could to the finish line. Well that was easy.   Chishiya decided to not try the exact same approach, as he figured the first guy was just dumb. He got paired up with a girl, a little taller than him. “Don’t underestimate me just because im a girl.” She said, in a serious tone. “I wasnt going to, but okay.” He replied, putting his hands up. 

Kuzuryu was in his game, but all he could think about was chishiya. Just then, the seeker in his game came near.   He got past the other girl, and was now in the final round. They entered the room. His competitor was a girl, with short black hair, a t-shirt, and baggy sweat pants. She took a knife, a rifle, and a kunai. He grabbed a pocket knife. When the voice gave them the ok, the girl bolted off immediately. Chishiya gave her a head start, but quickly caught up with her. When he had the chance, he took it and pushed her. He threw a punch at her, and she stabbed him. It was in the thigh, and didnt go too deep, but was bleeding badly. He stabbed her back, and she threw a punch. He kicked her, and left it at that. She was knocked out, so chishiya took his chance to run.  

 He got out of the arena as quickly as he could, and grabbed a pressure bandage. He wrapped it around his thigh, and sat in the car seat. It hurt, but not badly enough to make him cry. When he got back, he parked the car, and got out. He tried to get out, but failed to do so. He fell, and scraped his whole arm. Well this is great, isnt it, shuntaro. He thought to himself. And it was bleeding badly aswell. He got up, took his box of supplies incase of emergency, because he knew if he left his wounds, he would probably die. He sat back in the car seat, and cleaned his scrape. He put a bandage over it, and wondered what to do. Just then, niragi came to the parking lot. He was there to make sure no one was out this late, until he saw chishiya in the distance. He ran up to chishiya, ready to yell at him, but saw chishiya limping slightly, with a bandage over his arm. Niragi decided he wouldnt scold him. “Oh dang, uhm, you good?” Niragi said. Chishiya gave him glare. “Is that what it seems, suguru?” Chishiya replied, rolling his eyes. He was about to fall, when niragi caught him. “Ok, ok, geez, no need to be fresh.” Niragi said. Niragi took chishiyas hand, and put it over his shoulder. He took the box, and put it in his free hand. He helped chishiya back.

When they were inside, Niragi brought chishiya to his room, and layed him down on the floor. Chishiya sat up right. “Thanks, i guess.” Chishiya said. “Yeah, no problem.” Niragi replied. “I’ll go call over that kuzuryu guy you hang out with, and that kuina?” He added. “Yeah, sure. Thanks again.” Chishiya replied. When niragi left, chishiya wondered why he even went with the approach he did. He couldve done something else. His thigh was killing him now (literally), and his arm went numb. Chishiya checked up on the bandage, and when he saw it, it was soaked in blood. He wondered why, though, because he didnt think the cut was that deep. Well, it mustve been Chishiya hallucinating, because it was that deep. He quickly grabbed another pressured bandage, and put a gauze under it. He took off the old one, and as he expected, the was more blood. He quickly put the new bandage with a gauze under it on, and it felt slightly better. Just then kuzuryu and Kuina came in. Niragi told them it was bad, but it didnt seem this bad to them. Kuinas eye’s widened and she rushed to chishiya. Kuzuryu did the same. “What game were you in?” Kuzuryu asked, sitting by chishiya. “Some race.” He replied. Kuina and kuzuryu nodded. “Does it hurt bad?” Kuina asked. “Well, my previous bandage is on the floor, and instead of being a beige color its now maroon red. I also cant feel my arm. So, based on that analysis, what is your hypothesis?” He asked. Kuina just pursed her lips. Chishiya fell asleep on the floor that night.

In the morning, there was an executive meeting. Kuzuyru went over to chishiyas room and opened the door. “Hey, shiya?” He said, walking over to chishiya. Chishiya opened his eyes slowly, and looked at keiichi. “Hm?” He said. “We have a meeting in like 10?” Kuzuryu replied. “We do?” Chishiya yelled. “You bet.” Kuzuryu said, trying to lighten up the mood. “Well okay.” Chishiya said, trying to get up. “Absolutely not!” Kuzuryu said, bringing chishiya back down lightly. “Atleast let me help you.” He added. “Fine.” The shorter one pouted.

Ch. 3 : maybe its the way you say my name

“Did we do something?” Chishiya said, as him and kuzuryu came into the metting room. No one said anything. “Ok, carry on, hatter” kuzuryu said. Sitting next to chishiya. Hatter was ranting on about how there were traitors and he wanted them gone after the meeting, discussing games, that stuff.  

After the meeting, everyone left. Mira called kuzuryu over to her room.   “Hows it going?” Mira asked. Patting the chair next to her. Kuzuryu sat down. “I mean, its been okay.” He replied. “You?” He questioned. “Agnis rough. I didnt choose anyone, so i got paired up with him.” Mira stated. “Yeah, youve told me thay you got put with him for this past month or two.” Kuzuryu said.  Mira giggled. “Yeah, i have.” She replied.

Chishiya sat on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He was trying to count each dot on the ceiling to pass time. Just then, kuina walked in. “Shu-” she started, but got cut off by chishiya yelling ‘ah!’. “You made me loose count!” He said. “Sorry.” She replied. “I was just gonna tell you im out tonight.” She added. Chishiya gave her a nod. Kuina left and closed the door behind her. Chishiya sighed, and got up. Then, kuzuryu walked in aswell. “Chishiya?” He managed to completely say, as chishiya was in the bathroom. “Hmm?” He said, turning on the water. “We’re supposed to go looking for things at some stores later.” Kuzuryu stated, leaning on the bathroom door frame. Chishiya turned around to dry his hands. “Okay.” He replied. And with that, kuzuryu left. Chishiya took one of his jackets (and no, you wont change my mind that chishiya has like 10 of the same jacket) he folded last night, and put it on. He changed his pants, and he didnt from the night before and they were covered in dried blood.   Chishiya knocked on the door, and kuzuryu opened the door. “Oh hey, shiya.” Kuzuryu said. “Hi.” He responded.

“So where are we going first?” Kuzuryu asked, trying to strike up a conversation. “I dont know, you pick.” Chishiya answered, hair blowing slightly in the wind. Kuzuryu and chishiya headed over to what seemed to be a pharmacy.   “Hey kuzuryu!” Chishiya yelled from the other side of the pharmacy. Kuzuryu paused, as he was surprised chishiya said his name. Or maybe he did alot, he didnt notice, but still, he kinda wished he said it more.  “Hmm?” He yelled back, shuffling through some painkillers. “Do you need any, like, medicine, and stuff?” He asked. “No, do you need painkillers?” Keiichi responded. “Im good! Thanks.” Chishiya stated. Kuzuryu found a med kit, somehow, and took it. They left that store, and went to the food store.  

 They searched for food that wasnt rotten. Alot of it was, as the beach had been going out for food for a long time. But there was some food that was still good. Chishiya picked the stuff in cans, and put it in his bag. He learned that, if it came to food options, canned stuff is the best way to go. Chishiya never ate too much, but he grabbed alot, as it was for the beach anyways. He grabbed some vegetables, because most nights there were vegetables. He never trusted them enough for meat, though, so chishiya and kuzuryu just ate vegetables and canned stuff. Some others ate the meat, but to kuzuryu and chishiya, it just didnt look very promising.   They went to stores for clothes, more food, and now were heading back to the beach. It wasnt, per say, dark. It was still fairly bright, but it started getting dark.  They talked about stuff back in the real world, and funny enough, how much debt kuzuryu was in. “Yeah, im still paying it off.” Kuzuryu laughed. “Im almost there, though.” He added.   As they were walking back, they heard noises coming from the main room. They realized it was people partying, and drinking. They both sighed, as they found these things silly. Why are you partying, and drinking, when youve been put in a place where you play games to live, and if you don’t participate, or fail, you die. It made no sense to them. They also knew if you drink this heavily each night, you would probably die.   They both headed back to there rooms, and took a shower.

Ch. 4 : im never not going to be there

Chishiya sat on his bed, thinking about his dad. He thought about the game a few nights before. He wondered what happened to his mother, she was never there either. Chishiya laughed at his last clip of him writing the note, as, he got into med school, and his parents couldnt have cared less. No matter what he did, how far he went for his parents attention, they wouldnt care. (No, bc when chishiya was in his hospital bed, almost dying, and having his heart stop for 1 minutes, his parents were never there. F..k chishiya’s parents.) Not a drop, a milimeter, a fraction of a millimeter of attention they gave him. They married just to look good and for a position. Chishiya hated that, every, single, time when his  3rd grade teacher would ask what they did over the weekend, he would always say nothing. Other kids would say they went to the park, or ate out, or made crafts at home. And what did chishiya do? Nothing. He stayed home, wondering every night, why he existed. Everyone else seemed like they had a purpose. Even here in borderland, people were fighting so hard to leave, and they had a reason, someone out there waiting for them, praying they would live. But Chishiya? Chishiya had no idea was he was fighting for. Chishiya was a smart man, dont get him wrong, but this was something he never understood. If nobody loves me, or cares, why am i here? I shouldnt even be here. Why do i live. These were reoccurring thoughts he had. Yet, he never had the answer. He got up, and figured he would talk to kuzuryu.   

Kuzuryu opened his door, and let chishiya in. “Whats up?” Kuzuryu asked, sitting down next to chishiya. “Its my parents, ive been thinking about them, recently.” Chishiya stated. “Your parents?” Kuzuryu asked. Chishiya gave him a nod. “You mean the people who gave birth to you, put you in their house, just to call you their child, without ever caring?” Kuzuryu said, wanting to make sure. “Yeah.” Chishiya laughed. He wasnt laughing because he was happy, it was because he wanted to make himself feel a bit better. Kuzuryu sighed deeply. “Listen to me, chishiya shuntaro.” Kuzuryu said in a serious tone. “I dont want to ever, see you upset again about the fact that these two sick people you call parents didnt take care of you, because thats sick.” Kuzuryu started. “Thank y-” Chishiya tried saying, but got cut off. “Shush, let me finish.” Chishiya pursed his lips and nodded. “Your ‘parents’ dont deserve a child, especially one that has worked so hard for their attention, and they didnt care.” Kuzuryu stated. “But, i also dont want you to go with ‘No one cared for me, so why should i care for anyone else.’ Because, that doesnt make you any better.” He finished. “I wont, i promise.” Chishiya said. “If you ever think about it again, which i would hope you dont, i will give you a nice scolding.” Kuzuryu threatened. It wasnt empty, but wasnt very threatening. They both knew that. As chishiya was leaving, Kuzuryu stopped him. “Wait!” He shouted. Chishiya turned back around. “Just know, im never not going to be there.” He said. Chishiya thanked him and left.   Kuzuryu cursed himself. He couldve said anything else. But not, im never not going to be there. He knew it was a lie. He didnt know why he said it. He fell back onto his bed, and sighed. (Lots of sighing, i know.)

Chishiya went to go eat, and thought about what kuzuryu said. He didnt know where he would be without kuzuryu, and he was thankful for keiichi.

Kuzuryu looked in his notes of how many days he had left, and opened to see 1. His visa would expire tomorrow. It was almost time for people to go to games, and he ran up to hatter. “Can i go out to a game tonight?” (Ok, now, manga readers, i know citizens dont play games to extend visas, but hear me out, in this au, if they were required to make the person smile, they had to play games to extend visas.) “Sure.” Hatter replied.   Kuzuryu went to a game arena. There were maybe 4 other people? He grabbed a phone.

Registration closed

Game: 7 of hearts, hide and seek.

Ch. 5 a little squeeze

Kuina and chishiya were back at the beach. They were at the pool, and talking about something. “I have, about, maybe like 8 days left? Yeah 8.” Chishiya said. “I have 10, because i went yesterday to add on to it.” She replied. Chishiya nodded. “So, i w-” Chishiya started, but he felt something touch his waist. “Niragi- if youre trying to scare me, for the last time, it wont-” he started, but when he turned around, it wasnt niragi. It was some guy, who looked quite tall, with short, black hair. It was one of the militants. Chishiya hated those guys, (with an exception of niragi) always had their nose in the air, thinking they looked cool, when they were really just some people with guns that they technically couldnt even fire with if they werent in a game. “What do you want now.” Chishiya said, glaring at the man. “Look, i know niragi hates you and stuff,” the dense little sh.t started. “He doesnt.” Chishiya said. “Ok, whatever, i know agni doesnt take a liking to you,” he started again, but chishiya just rolled his eyes. Agni didnt hate him, they just didnt talk. “But that doesnt mean we cant have fun.” The ugly a.s dense guy said. “F.ck off.” Kuina said, standing up. The guy looked at chishiya, and raised an eyebrow. Chishiya shrugged when the guy looked at him. “Did you miss the part where she had said ‘f.ck off’?” Chishiya asked. The man just rolled his eyes. “F.ck off!” Chishiya yelled in the mans ear, just for good measure. “Fine, geez, no need to overreact.” The man said, walking away. “Overreact, my a.s.” Kuina said, rolling her eyes.   Kuzuryu was the wolf, and was fighting somebody while looking down. He didnt hide, as he found it would be unfair to everyone else, and there was 2 minutes left. The guy he was fighting threw a punch, and it hit kuzuryu in his side. It didnt really hurt, though. When the man was distracted, he ran. Kuzuryu didnt find heart games particularly difficult, as he had nothing to lose. Well, that was a lie, he had chishiya to lose. But, thankfully, chishiya wasnt there. He heard footsteps chasing after him, but he knew he had already won. The timer went down: 3, 2, 1. He heard a splattering sound behind him, and knew what had happened. He left the place quickly, and drove back.

When he got back, chishiya was waiting there for him. Chishiya ran up to kuzuryu and gave him a hug, a little squeeze. “What game were you in?” Chishiya asked, checking kuzuryu to make sure he was okay. “Hearts, it was hide n seek.” He said, relaxing his shoulders. “Oh, well, was it bad?” Chishiya asked. “No, it was fine.” “Okay.”   Kuina, kuzuryu, and chishiya were all in kuzuryus room. “It was kinda sad, honestly.” Kuina said. They were talking about their job, or what they were doing before borderland. Kuina was talking to someone who wanted the shirt they had in a baby size, after kuina told them that a shop for baby clothes would be the way to go.  

“The food today really didnt look good.” Chishiya said to kuzuryu, walking down the corridor. “No, it didnt.” Kuzuryu laughed. Kuzuryu stopped in his tracks. Chishiya noticed, so he stopped aswell. “Mm?” Chishiya said, turning around. “Shiya?” Kuzuryu said, in a soft voice. “Whats up.” Chishiya replied. “Uhm, you remember what i said, about, me never not being there?” Kuzuryu asked. “Yeah?” Chishiya answered. “Uh, well, thats kinda not true.” Kuzuryu said. “Oh, i know! Dont worry, i wont always be here either, but im sure itll be a while!” Chishiya said, his mouth faltered at the end, but not going into a full smile. Kuzuryu nodded. It hurt kuzuryu, sure, but he didnt want to lie to chishiya.

Ch. 6 : Benefit 

He sat on his bed, and looked down. He realized that doing this whole smile thing had no benefit. He would make chishiya happy, die, and make him sad. Chishiya could also die. So there was no real benefit. He cursed himself, as, he realized that choosing chishiya and then leaving him would make chishiya never trust, or get close to anybody again. You bet he hated it.   No real benefit from doing what he was doing, and he hated that.   He couldnt sleep at all that night, and was shuffling trying to go to sleep. He felt bad. It felt like someone punched him in the stomach. (Actually someone did.) He wanted to throw up, and just back away from all of this, but he couldnt. He buried his head in his pillow and pondered what to do. How could he do this without hurting Chishiya? He spent that night thinking, crying, and hating himself.

“Shiya?” Kuzuryu said, knocking on his door. Chishiya opened the door, and once he did that, he was met by kuzuryu embracing him with a hug. Chishiya just patted his back, pursing his lips. When kuzuryu pulled away, chishiya raised his eyebrow. “I just wanted you to know that, i care about you. Dont do anything stupid.” Keiichi said. Chishiya nodded, and thanked him.   

They went out together just because chishiya wanted to. Kuina tagged along. As they were outside, they found a mall, but it was abandoned. “Do you want to go in?” Kuina offered. Before they had the chance to, though, kuina dragged them along.

There was an escalator that had stopped, and kuina went up it. Chishiya and kuzuryu went to the arcade, and thought it looked cool. Kuzuryu chased chishiya around the mall.

Ch. 7 : maybe its a cruel joke on me.

“Come back here!” Kuzuryu yelled. Chishiya laughed. He laughed, and smiled. He smiled. Kuzuryu’s face turned back. Chishiya looked at him, confused. “Kuzuryu?” Chishiya said, stopping. He walked over to kuzuryu. “You okay?” Chishiya asked. “Yeah, im fine.” Kuzuryu replied. “Im just going to go to the bathroom.” He added. “But the bathroom probably isnt cl-” Chishiya tried saying, but kuzuryu already left. Chishiya went to where kuina was, and asked her why she thinks that kuzuryu left. “Im not sure.” Kuina said, shrugging her shoulders.   They waited about maybe 20 minutes? Chishiya went to the bathroom to go check up on kuzuryu. He walked up the stairs to the bathroom, and knocked. Yet, there was no answer. He knocked again, but harder, yet there was still nothing. He tried opening the door, but it would move. He was guessing it was locked, so he tried kicking it open. It didnt work, so he called kuina over. Kuina tried for about 10 minutes to open the door, and they couldnt. “You know what, lets just go around the mall and look for things?” Chishiya said. Kuina went downstairs, and chishiya went upstairs.

Kuina found a bicycle, and chishiya found nothing. Kuina came back up, and tried bashing the door with the bicycle, and after a few minutes, there was a hole in the door. It wasnt too big, but big enough for chishiya to look through. Chishiya peaked through the hole, and saw a figure, with glasses, laying down on the floor. Chishiya leaned away, and kuina saw his eyes widen. “What happened?” She asked worryingly. Chishiya didnt say anything, and buried his face in his hands. He took the bicycle, and bashed it against the lock. In a matter of seconds, the door unlocked, and they both walked in. Kuina didnt see anything, until she felt something near her foot. She looked down, and to her horror, was kuzuryu. Chishiya sat down, and looked down at kuzuryu. Kuina looked at chishiya, and saw that he was on the verge of crying. Chishiya saw a hole in the top of kuzuryus head. Kuina saw a tear fall on the floor, and when she looked, it came from chishiya.  

 When they got back to the beach, they went to mira and hatter first. Mira looked upset, and a little sad, but not too sad. Chishiya went to kuzuryus room to see if there was anything that could tell him why it happened. He knew it wasnt because of a visa. While chishiya was looking, he found a note. On kuzuryu’s desk. It read: mira, dont you think this whole smile thing is kinda unfair? I mean, you make them smile, you die, and then they live the rest of their life probably never wanting to get close to someone again. I kno That was the end of it. Chishiya took the note, and left.

 Chishiya finally figured out what it was. Citizens needed to make someone smile, and once they did, they would die. Chishiya was angry, but at himself.   When there was an executive meeting the next day, chishiya’s nose was red, and his hair was up. The meeting was about kuzuryu and that just made it worse for chishiya. Niragi sat down next to chishiya, in hopes that after that meeting, they could talk.

After the meeting, chishiya was the first to get up and try to leave, but niragi grabbed his hand, and stopped him. “Shun?” Niragi said. Chishiya turned around to look at niragi. “Im sorry about what happened.” “No need, its not as if it was your fault, anyways.” Chishiya said, pulling his hand away and leaving.

  It took chishiya weeks to stop crying (or stop crying every night). He still cursed himself for getting close to someone. He was afraid, too. He didnt want to push kuina away, but he didnt want something to happen to her, either.   The executive members had buried kuzuryu infront of the beach. And chishiya went there every single day he could. Today, he went to kuzuryus grave first thing in the morning after brushing his teeth. “You dense-” chishiya tried spitting out, but failed, as he didnt want to swear at kuzuryu. “Poop.” Chishiya finished. Yeah, that sounded okay. “You dense poop!” He yelled, laughing at the end. His nose was already red, and a tear had already fallen down his face. He wiped it with his sleeve. He heard 2 laughs from behind him. He turned around and saw niragi and kuina. “Dense poop?” Niragi said. “Really?” Kuina added. “Dense poop.” Chishiya said with a nod.  

“Now, we will give you a choice. Either stay in borderland as a permanent resident, or go back into the real world.” The voice on the PA said. Permanent resident. Thats what kuzuryu was. Kuzuryu told chishiya that when he got out, he should try to talk to his dad, or get a therapist. Chishiya wasnt going to stay as a resident, as much as he loved kuzuryu. Kuzuryu and told chishiya he regretted staying as a resident. “Go back, not just for you, shuntaro, go back, for the greater good.” Kuzuryu told him.  

Chishiya had been in therapy for a year now, and had graduated from medical school. He was doing much better, yet never quite forgot about kuzuryu. He was much kinder, and open now. And he was sure that if kuzuryu was there, he would be very proud of him.

One day, he had a patient come in. “Hey werent you that guy whos heart had stopped, and was bleeding out when you were in the hospital bed?” Chishiya laughed and gave him a nod. “Son, thats rude.” His dad said. “Oh, no, youre fine.” Chishiya said “So your name is….kiro….kuzuryu?” Chishiya said. “Mhm!” The kid confirmed. Kuzuryu. The kid started talking again, but the father shushed him. “We have to go visit your uncles grave with his friends soon.” The father said. “But all his friends are gonna do is say how its sooo unfaiirrr he died, and some more things they learned in law school.” He whined. The father gave him a glare. Chishiya saw the fathers face, and thought to himself oh if looks could kill. The kid was fine, and they left in a matter of minutes, but chishiya couldnt help but thinking if it was kuzuryu they were talking about, or if it was just a coincidence.

Completed otome games, my thoughts, along with my fav characters (last updated: August 22nd 2021)

1. Code Realize - August 2021

Saint-Germain instantly caught my eye, along with Lupin ofc. I was curious about Impey but my friend who lent me her collection of otome games said he was shit. Code Realize was my reintroduction to otome games, and plummeted me into otome hell once more. As soon as I saw Herlock Sholmes, I wanted him as a route, and loved his Future Blessings route.

Saint Germain was my absolute favourite, and his route hurt me in all the right ways. His VA was amazing at conveying the emotion behind certain scenes.

2. Café Enchanté - August 2021

After completing Code Realize, I felt a little lost and didn't know what game to play next. I figured after the pain of some of the stuff in Code Realize, I'd go for something I thought would be a little more fun and a little lighter. Cafe Enchante was next on my list. I was instantly drawn to Misyr and Il, with Il being my first route. I absolutely loved Il, and was traumatized from having my fav boy be the one who was hurt the most again. Although, Misyr is definitely a top contender for most hurt fav as well...

3. Piofiore - August 2021

I continued on with Piofiore right after Cafe Enchante, and instantly knew I was interested in Dante and Yang. I went with Dante first, and was absolutely enamored by him. I was absolutely heartbroken to find out that I didn't get his best ending at first, and contemplated not playing the game for a while. But I decided against it and carried on, using a guide this time. I didn't think anyone else would surpass him in my mind, but boy was I wrong. I quickly fell in love with Yang once I started his route, and his route was the first to make me feel butterflies again in years since I played my last otome game.

However, after playing through all the routes and getting to the finale, I absolutely fell in love with Henri, and I'm honestly shocked that Nicola has left such an impression on me considering I didn't think much of him right after his route. Now it's hard *not* to think about him. But overall, I love all the men pretty equally. I'm super excited for 1926.

4. Collar x Malice - August 2021

I was definitely curious about this one and was tempted to start it multiple times when choosing which game to play next, however I put it off because I didn't like the protagonist being a cop.

The characters are honestly all super loveable, and I think I love them all a bit more equally then I do the Piofiore guys. I was surprised Saeki wasn't a route, until while I was playing Kei or Shiraishi's route when my friend spoiled he was Adonis' leader.

I fell in love with all the characters quite gradually through their stories, with the exception of Shiraishi. I knew he'd be the one I was the most curious and interested in. I was so excited when I finally unlocked his route, and I absolutely loved every single bit of the early half of it. His comments and interactions were hilarious, he was adorable *and* hot.... and he loves cats. What the hell more could I want from a guy? He makes me want to introduce him to my own cats and also makes me want to do mundane and sweet things with him just because he's so sweet and I love him.

I was absolutely heartbroken at his "best" ending, and thinking about his tragic ending hurts my heart. I legitimately only want the best for this man- I only want him to be happy and healthy and not confined to some stupid prison or Adonis...

It also feels strange, but I think I love him best *before* he got a little soft with the protagonist? His quick retorts and harsh comments were hilarious and I loved that so much about him, so I was a bit sad when he grew a bit soft later on.

At the time of writing these past 4 entries, CxM is the latest game I've played, so Shiraishi's story is still super fresh in my mind. I was as obsessed with most of the other men mentioned above as I am with him right now. I'm sure the following entries will contain more love-ramblings like this as I complete more games and add them to the list.

5. Amnesia: Memories - August/September 2021

Toma! Toma! Toma!!!

My first experience with ✨ the cage ✨. I went with Ikki at first, got his normal ending (thaT SHIT WAS SO SAD WTF ;-;) and then went back with a walkthrough for his good ending. But... his route was kinda underwhelming tbh. I liked it as I played it, but looking back now... it really was quite underwhelming. So was Shin's route, who I played after Toma. I was interested in who the culprit was, and was shocked with the reveal tbh. Buuut after playing Toma's route... it was understandable. Although I really wish that Shin's route had more affection in it... it felt more like a mystery with a little bit of romance rather then an otome game.

I played Toma's route after Ikki's, and omfg... Toma was truly an unexpected fav. Hated his good ending tho, idfk why you would be ok with just returning to normal after all of that... but whatever. I would willingly go in that cage I s2g. I LOVED his eyes too! When he gets dark and super possessive, those eyes are just... UGH. Yes please. ❤

I skipped the entirety of Kent's route because I really just don't give a fuck about him. Hes absolutely not my type. I felt bad skipping it, but... in the end I don't really care.

Ukyo was also an unexpected fav- I wad super curious about his route and suspected that all of the "interesting" and bad stuff that I had heard about would happen during his route buuuut... nope. Nothing of the sort. He was so damn sweet, but I will say that uh... insane side of him is kinda hot too. 👀 but omg, the fact that he's a photographer AND so damn dedicated to you and sweet is just... ugh. My heart. Ukyo and Toma definitely became my favs for this game, and I think this is the first time where my first route didn't end up being one of my favourites.

I love how sharp Toma is as well! That he knows so much about you and can easily find out things and such... but also- I really like how dedicated and caring Ukyo is. He's so protective and adorable! I really did feel bad for him during his route. I haven't gotten his normal ending yet, but the title of it is so fucking sad and I don't know if I even wanna go for it.

"Do you know Ukyo?"

6. Bustafellows - September 2021

Honestly, when I started playing Bustafellows I didnt expect to like many characters, if any at all. None of them were particularly appealing to me, at least visually... however, as I played the game, I was drawn to Shu and Mozu, as I found Shu to be the most attractive one of the bunch, and Mozu was interesting to me as a coroner. However, the first character I ended up with was... Crow. I was honestly a little surprised, but didn't care too much. I didn't know who I wanted to go with first, and honestly, as the common route progressed... I found myself liking Crow more.

Crow was the one I liked the least out of everyone, at least visually at first. I really didn't like his hair lmao. But as I read the common route, he really grew on me, and I couldn't help but be sweet to him, so ofc I ended up with his route first... and god, I really love him. He's so stupid and adorable. Like seriously.

I went with whoever the game would give me after Crow, and it gave me Helvetica. With Crow, I really loved his character, but didn't care much for his story. It was the opposite for Helvetica. I enjoyed his story a ton, but not his character. I then carried on with Shu, who I loved entirely. Both his character and story was really really good, and his bad ending... phew. Damn dude.

Mozu came after, and I honestly have mixed feelings about his route. I feel like there really needed to be more romance between him and the MC, but the end of his route where he finds his sister is.... oof. I literally went "thats rough buddy" in my head lmao. I felt so bad for him.

I liked Limbo a lot more then I thought I would as well! He was super adorable and sweet, and the story was pretty good too, so I really enjoyed his route. But overall, I believe Shu and Crow are my favs this time around. I can't believe I didn't like Mozu as much as I thought I would! But I feel like I would have liked him a shitton more if there was more to his route then there was.... smh.

Nightshade - September 2021

I almost immediately jumped right into Nightshade, although with doubts of enjoying it in my mind, as I wasnt in the mood for a historical japan setting. However! I loved the characters, and the story! By the end of it, I was thoroughly angry with the antagonists for hurting my BOYS like that...

The first one I went for was Kuroyuki, who I LOVED. I felt a little bit confused throughout his route, but I still quite enjoyed it. A sweet yandere. Babey boy. I love him.

Next was Chojiro, and oooohhhhh boy.... yeah. That was a little rough. BUT I feel like the story was very well suited for him!!! After that I went with Goemon, who was SO SWEET. For a moment, the "plot twist" had me, but then I realized there was no way he was wasn't trying to trick his old clan/the council.

Hanzo was second last, and definitely an unexpected fav! I didnt find him very attractive at first, but seeing him more and more throughout the routes had him growing on me. And I LOVED him! But... I don't like Ieyasu's treatment towards the end of the route; ordering Hanzo to kill the MC after making us thoroughly believe he was a kind man in every other route.... sigh. But I'm happy that he was able to take just the MC's sash instead of her head. I do like that he also told Hanzo to "go get a wife and come back" hehe.

GOD that scene in the cave with Hanzo where youre both naked... YES. And his hair when its wet!!! Hes so adorable AND hot at the same time???? I love Hanzo. Tbh, I love all of them.

Gekka was the last one I did, but I wish I reversed Hanzo/Gekka's positions. Cause I really, *really* didnt like ending on such a sad ending.... dear god. I really thought I got the bad end or something for a hot minute there. Then Gekka comes in! Ahhhh, honestly I didn't like him much at all at first which is why I saved him for last, but his route.... FUCK man. His route was heart wrenching. And he's so damn sweet. I still don't understand how/why he doesn't try to kill the MC in the other routes after the "protection" "curse" is lifted but whatever. Still, the ending... dear god. And all of their graves being dug up... the box of everyone's hair... jesus christ that was morbid. Even that made me mad. I didnt care much for the blonde haired kid who died first, but everyone else after that had such a good part to the story...but I wonder why Kuroyuki lived in every route?

Either way, Nightshade was a lot better then I thought it would be! I loved it!!! I honestly might go back soon and replay Kuroyuki's route now that I know whats going on and I know the characters.... also wanna replay Hanzo's route! Babey ❤

Markiplier manor is toxic here’s why

So Markiplier manor (Markipliers official discord server) has gotten a surplus of new people in it, this happened a few weeks ago the manor itself though has been up for awhile. originally a members only server it was eventually opened up for everyone and yes there are alot of genuinely good people and the mods are alright but unfortunately its becoming a toxic environment. 

SO EDIT i have discussed with the mods that being said ... im keeping this up as a reminder of we can do better we can help people who are struggling through something instead of shutting them down we can listen to people who are being oppressed and bravely point out new media that only worsens that oppression and stigmatization and not just the mods who i was kind of harsh towards but who are human everyone as a community can do better and this is a large community think of the work we can do just doing the basics like boycotting problematic content and helping those who cry out for it who need it (and noticing and shutting down manipulative/toxic behaviors) ... i dont know if im going to go back to the manor yet tho im going to let this sit give it a week yall can agree or disagree but know that if you try to be an ass your going to get shut down and your feelings are going to get hurt 

lets start with the basics “triggering topics” triggering topics can be anything in particular but it generally means a topic that relates to another persons trauma. Now while it is important to acknowledge a persons trigger words and try to keep the conversation respectable ive also noticed people use it to shut down people who come on freaking out because their dealing with a stressful situation/something traumatic just happened. This has happened to me personally and to a friend with me it was about being pro choice and having to in short make that actual choice. i was discussing this in the bathroom because i (like anyone else who comes in with baggage) did not know about any pro choice discords at that moment and was afraid of being stigmatized or going onto a discord that says its a safe space only for it to be filled with trolls. Mark manor is labeled as a safe space and many people come on there looking for support with me no one told me that the topic was triggering to them (which apparently it was because a friend of theirs had to make the choice not her herself think what you will) they just went to a mod early on when i just found the server as a member a friend (who i wont name) had gotten.... assaulted majority of her werent online and as someone who has been there and yes when she told me it did trigger my own trauma she needed moral support... the mod shut her down and deleted her comments and didnt give her a pointer to any other discord where she could discuss the topic openly and get moral support and be pointed to resources (it actually took me ten minutes to find and confirm a lgbtq therapy chat earlier this year for another individual discussing mental health) this was before i had gotten on for that day but i noticed those messages and i contacted her when she told me what was up yea it triggered my memories and its not fun but I FUCKING HELPED HER i made sure she went to the police to atleast file a statement (while the police dont always help it is good to have it on file) i even made her a plush and shipped it out to her and i would do it again and again because its not good to basically tell another person to shut up because it triggers others not without atleast trying to help them find another fucking place and making sure their actually ok and in a physical safe place  next is them claiming the manor is a “safe space” a safe space is by definition  “ a place or environment in which a person or category of people can feel confident that they will not be exposed to discrimination, criticism, harassment, or any other emotional or physical harm.” you would also think that the manor would be a safe space in the fact that marginalized and oppressed groups of people would be able to point out problematic content and have an open and free discussion about it and how it makes them uncomfortable. especially people of lgbtq community which alot of people in that chat are. yesterday (and this was what caused me to officially turn away from the server) in the patio (which is the members only chat) a Transgender individual pointed out the problematic content that is huniepop and how it fetishizes trans people as well as other minorities now this game i hear tries to make itself out as a “parody” .... its not its a sexual dating sim what would make it a parody is if sex noises were replaced with donkey sounds and the lewd pictures were replaced with poorly drawn doodles of tits or what have you its a game for incels marks hilarious when he plays it because he doesnt take the game seriously my issue isnt with him its with the developer. and if you did not know (which apparently people dont) the character poli is described as “a girl with a dick” the individual pointed this out because they felt like it dehumanizes them and paints them as nothing more than a fetish... and also apparently you can “choose” is poli is trans which kind of gives off the message that people can ignore trans peoples identity if it makes them uncomfortable... or if they dont sexualize them. and the muslim community is more or less in the same boat i come from the bible belt in usa im not muslim i am not trans but i do have a reason for standing with both and i will get to that in a bit so i was raised in a christian household in a christian setting like muslim women were basically told we cannot have sex and any sexual thought is sinful and we will be punished blah blah blah your even more closeted if your gay or bi because then you can face ... violence that being said to make the woman from the middle east hyper sexual like they did is kind of shitty even for a incel pleasing sex game. the individual who thought it would be ok to discuss this in the server because its labeled as a safe space and is generally “lgbtq” friendly thus believing he would have people agree and discuss ... was unceremoniously shut down by their peers and a mod was notified this person was not hostile maybe a bit frustrated because he wanted to talk about it and thought he would have this genuinely helpful conversation and people would listen and spread the word because to have problematic content be popular can isolate the oppressed group even more so WHEN NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO THEM. if a group of marginalized people notice something problematic with content and you claim to be an ally of said group then you need to acknowledge and support what they say. they told him to go to twitter where he could potentially be bullied and written off ... because again its an INCEL PLEASING SEX GAME.(which means incels if you ever dealt with them will go and say anything to justify the game even using slurs and bullying) and to put the icing on the cake to change the topic they brought up robin ... i actually dont know who robin is as i dont really focus much on youtube creators personal stuff (it feels off for me to not personally know an individual but know their personal stuff without having actually talking to them its weird i know its a thing i have in my head) but apparently they recently came out as female and good for them im super proud of him and the patio members were discussing how they were proud of him as well for beginning to wear makeup and making themselves more feminine which would be great if they werent trying so hard to shut down the trans male who was trying to spread awareness on problematic stuff .... something he pointed out ... and something they gaslighted and said he was being hostile. really its almost as if they only care about trans issues when its someone famous discussing them  so what can we possibly do about huniepop being transphobic and the answer is very easy BOYCOTT IT like... yall were up in arms and boycotted jk rowling with snap and a turn do we only cancel the old and ugly? do we only cancel those who we dont think is funny? mark is not at fault he probably doesnt realize it and any comments made on the issue are talked down upon or drowned amongst other comments im not saying to cancel him im saying to cancel the game HARD. ignore the posts bitch at the dev demand refunds for your game. like consumers have infinitely more power than corps want to admit.  so you basically have a community that claims to be a safe space but only if you want to talk about sunshine and rainbows and its highly hypocritical of them to claim safety.  another thing is emotionally abusive/manipulative people hide in the server and the mods dont ever seem to acknowledge it. i cannot tell you how many times ive gotten into arguments with people who seems nice then turn into assholes then claim to be the victim when i or others go off on them. if you recognize my name you know i dont stand down when it comes to having a snarky or rude comment thrown at me if your going to be an ass were fighting i dont care how nice you seemed beforehand and you dont get to call a mod just because i actually stood up for myself or others sorry not sorry dont be a bitch nuff said.  now why would i care so much about problematic content? why would i care and stand by the transgender and muslim people (aside from being ya know... an actual ally and not someone who claims it for sympathy and brownie points?) its because i am autistic i am also able to function well on my own but there is a movie created by the famous singer sia it is called music it is a movie frowned upon by the autisitic community because infantizes and dehumanizes non verbal autistic people i am fortunate and unfortunate in not having to deal with much stigma unfortunate because i wasnt diagnosed until i was 17 alot of answers about my behavior could have been answered if i had been diagnosed earlier but considering society loves the quiet timid female and i functioned “well” for neurotypicals i was ignored. so yea you bet your ass im standing with them and raising awareness about huniepop and their was this one person when i mentioned this point i cant remember there name nor to do i give a shit about them because when i mentioned how autistic people ... how i was in the same boat with music by sia (again i advise that no one target the actress who was under contract target sia and please boycott her so she knows she cant get brownie points or money for a movie that stigmatizes who she claims she wants to “help” (*cough* profit off of *cough cough*) and only serves as a feel good movie for neurotypicals and ignorant people)  they said “i heard people who hated the movie i heard people who found it alright people are ALLOWED to like problematic content” ... and like ... does anyone else see the problem here? its not hard at all to boycott celebrities for making content  and im going to repeat this point  IF A GROUP OF MARGINALIZED, STIGMITIZED AND OPPRESSED PEOPLE CALL OUT SOMETHING FOR BEING PROBLEMATIC AND YOU CLAIM TO BE AN ALLY YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO THEM AND DONT SHUT THEM DOWN I DONT GIVE A SHIT YOU DONT HAVE A FUCKING EXCUSE. if you cant bring yourself to boycott a piece of media and replace it with the infinitely more suitable forms that supports the group you claim to be for your not an ally your a fucking hypocrite  and that is why i left markiplier manor i am still a youtube special ... thingy member and i will continue to be a member to support mark i want people to overall listen to those who speak up against a creator and a piece of media and listen to us all no matter how “good” something seems. .. also there is a video called listen it was created by nonverbal autistic people  and communicationFIRST a group that sia apparently communicated with for her movie... and then ignored  https://youtu.be/H7dca7U7GI8