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aikoiya · 9 months

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LoZ - Hylia as a Character

Honestly, I really like the fact that Zelda/Hylia admits, rather openly, in fact, that what she did was wrong. Then, she owns up to it.

They could've gone the route that "this is destiny, you must" or made it seem like something entirely righteous & that the fact that it saves everyone automatically makes it okay, but the writers didn't.

What happened. What Hylia put into place was a necessary evil, but still wrong by its very nature of being a necessary EVIL. She manipulated Link, not because she wanted to, or because she was a bad person, but because it was the ONLY way that she could see things working out for the benefit of as many people involved as possible.

Still doesn't make it right, but it makes it understandable. Which are 2 very different things. And I've seen a lot of people conflating the 2. For whatever reason not realizing that you can understand why someone did something & that that something can still be wrong or morally questionable. And that these are 2 things that can exist at the same time.

Because Zelda said it best, "it was a war." It wasn't like what SS Link had experienced, where he was fighting most enemies one on one & it was really only himself who was in danger at a given moment. There were battles with armies & even the game says that the demons killed without mercy. In situations like that, you might have to do things that compromise your own morals & I just...

It makes Hylia so much more human in a way. She's not like the 3 golden goddesses who you only really interact with individuals who have their names & who may just be people that resemble them. (Minish Cap, Oracle of Seasons, & Oracle of Ages.) SS Zelda actually remembers being Hylia.

Thus meaning that SS Link's interaction with SS Zelda in that scene before putting herself to sleep, was the closest interaction any Link has ever had with an actual higher deity.

You get her actual opinion. Her regrets, her apologies. Seriously, she apologizes repeatedly. While it may be filtered through Zelda, who obviously cares very deeply about Link (yes, I ship zelink here, what of it), as she said, she was both Hylia & Zelda. Specifically, still Link's Zelda.

And I... I can't hate Hylia as a result.

Which causes me to not really understand the Hylia hate that I've seen here & there.

Like, it isn't Hylia's fault that she, Link, & Ganondorf were cursed. That was all The Bringer of Demise & his toddlerish butthurt over losing to not just a mortal, but a mortal teen. He cursed them, not Hylia. And what exactly do people think Hylia could've done?

What were her other options? She wasn't a goddess anymore at the time! And we dont even know the rules regarding the Hyrulean gods! There could be some sort of rule of non-interference or only indirect interference unless you give up your godhood that we don't know about!

And, if she hadn't done something, then think about what could've happened as a result.

According to the information that we currently have, Demise would've taken over & made a wish that we don't even know. Not only that, but he had apparently been killing so many humans that Hylia felt the need to lift pieces of land into the air via nothing but magic to keep Demise away from them! Like putting a toy up too high for a kid to reach.

This suggests that they nearly went extinct!

Also keep in mind that she literally gave up her godhood to keep everyone safe!! That's... that's huge!

Also, I hate that there are fans out there who blame Sky for them being cursed!

Dude just finished a fight with a Daimaō (yōkai general). A battle that involved a LOT of lightning striking the Master Sword, which is known to cause temporary deafness, disorientation, ect.

He likely wasn't even aware that the Bringer of Demise had cursed him & Zelda both.

The only person anyone should be blaming here is Demise.

Though, that does bring into question why Fi didn't notify Link of this fact.

LoZ Cultural Masterlist

#loz #ss #legend of zelda #skyward sword #hylia #goddess hylia

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kayjaydee17 · 10 months

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1, 3, 4, 7, 9, 10, 12, 17, 18, 22, 24, 25

I'm fully aware this is almost every single question but I am deeply curious; and this doesn't have to be just for the Avatar fandom either! Just whatever you're most passionate about in the violence ask game :)

I may be fighty and this ask game is literally called the choose violence ask game, but I do want to preface this by saying I get rambly about my opinions here and say things that I find annoying, but that doesn't mean there's one right way to engage in fandom! It doesn't mean you have to agree with me! My personal opinions are not things that everyone has to agree with or believe. I want everyone to do fandom however works for them, interpret characters however they want, ship whatever they want, babygirl and woobify and villainise whoever they want!

Also, if I said anything in here and anyone wants to discuss it more, please feel free to message! That includes disagreements or questions or anything.

That said... time to choose violence.

(I'm putting this behind a cut because good fucking god, it got long)

1) the character everyone gets wrong

The "everyone" is tripping me up, because there is nothing that everyone does, but I am so tired of seeing so many people's lack of nuance with Quaritch. Either he's a flat villain who exists only to be a war criminal or he's a soft little kittycat who regrets being Bad and can't wait to be a good father. Let! the man! be a war criminal! who awkwardly tries to bond with his son! (bonus points if he fails miserably in the bonding). I think there's a lot to explore with Quaritch and people falling so firmly on one side of the line or the other just feels so boring.

(I also struggle to find good Lo'ak fics. I can't put my finger on what's off about the characterisation, but when I first started reading Avatar fic, I was craving some Lo'ak hurt/comfort and couldn't find anything that felt true to his character.)

3) screenshot or description of the worst take you’ve seen on tumblr

Ahahahaha oh my god you're really going for it with this one. There are so many worst takes I've seen.

I think the worst is the idea that writing about underage characters in sexual situations makes you a pedophile. Like, god, every time I think that people out there actually believe that, are actually comparing fictional characters to real children -- god, I can't actually believe it. Like, good fucking god (and also, jesus, how fucking disrespect to actual victims/survivors of child abuse).

And it's always about sex!!! Like, no one's out here accusing Stephen King of actually wanting to murder children, but the moment you add sex, it becomes Big and Scary and Immoral. Like your genitals are somehow an off switch for your actual real-life morality. (and when I'm feeling particularly salty, I imagine these people must have the most fucking bleak sex lives because how??? can you assume??? that the fantasies, fiction, stories, imaginings, thoughts, anything, are the exact same as things you literally actually want to do? Like, goddamn, imagine being the partner of one of these people and wanting to explore a slightly edgy fantasy, good fucking luck)

(shout out to the kink community and their ability to play pretend and realise it's not real; shout out to the darkfic/dead dove fic community and their ability to write dark sexy stories and realise fictional characters are not real people, that what you write does not reflect real-life desires, that fiction serves so many purposes and I-want-this-to-happen-in-real-life fantasies are only one of them)

(this answer stretches across fiction as a whole rather than being fandom specific. For a fandom specific answer: I find the takes that recom Quaritch and human Quaritch are not the same person and that recom Quaritch doesn't have any sort of responsibility for the choices he made as a human absolutely wild. Up until the point he uploaded himself, they're the same person, same brain. Maybe we just have very different theories on the self, but god, that one annoys me.)

(good lord, we're on question two and I've already written so much)

4) what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

I don't actually have many people blocked on Tumblr. I should, but I just don't. I've been lucky, though, and haven't had anyone harassing me; if someone did, that would be a block for sure.

7) what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

I've been going back through all my fandoms over the years and I don't think this has ever actually happened to me! I've had the opposite happen -- didn't really care for a character and then fanfiction made me. (I actually didn't have a whole lot of interest in Spider when I joined the Avatar fandom? And then I found the hurt/comfort post-movie Spider fics, and then the dark monstrous incredible Quaritch/Spider fics, and I was changed, that is my boy.)

But I tend to have a really carefully cultivated Tumblr dash, and it's the only place I engage with fandom, really. I don't have much time for arguing about character interpretations; it's not really how I have fun with fandom? I don't care about how people interpret a character's actions or tend towards fighting about what a character meant. I sort of feel like for me, fandom is just a space to find your people and vibe with them and ignore everyone else.

(am I too chill for the salty ask game?????)

(also, I'm stubborn enough that if people's takes on a character were annoying me, I'd probably just start loving that character and my read on them even harder)

9) worst part of canon

I mean -- the white saviour narrative, especially in the first film, is icky and I wish it had been done differently.

The first thing that popped into my mind, though, was the fucking way Spider and Quaritch's relationship was written. There, I said it. It's badly written.

We're asked to have emotional investment in this relationship; a huge turning point for the future movies, Spider saving Quaritch's life, hinges on this relationship. But we're just given so little. This isn't a CinemaSins-esque critique that absolutely everything needs to be spelled out and stated explicitly for the audience, but goddamn, James, you need to give us more than

Spider being tortured. Being saved by Quaritch. A brief, combative conversation between the two. Spider smiling like absolute fucking sunshine when he realises Quaritch hasn't been killed by the ikran.

It makes no emotional sense. Fandom has done a wonderful job at filling in the gaps, but the movie doesn't give us anything to hold onto in this relationship. We see Spider being kidnapped, being tortured, and then being inexplicably comfortable with his kidnapper. We need something to bridge that gap for this relationship to hold any sort of emotional resonance. It felt so weird to watch for the first time, and Spider saving Quaritch had me throwing up my hands in frustration.

It's fine to let your audience fill in some blanks on their own, but don't make them write the whole goddamn story for you.

10) worst part of fanon

I'm struggling to answer this one! I don't know if there's anything commonly accepted as fanon that annoys me too much. There are certainly some fandom-wide takes that annoy me, but that's more people arguing about fictional characters (and how you're allowed to enjoy them) than actual fanon.

12) the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

Okay, I'm flashing back in time here to my days in the Harry Potter fandom (with the obligatory fuck JKR disclaimer, and if we're choosing violence, I think "you can never read HP fanfiction ever ever again because its creator is a terrible person" is a bad take). There were so many anti-Ron takes, and you know what! Ron Weasley! Is a good egg! He is strong and loyal and hot-tempered and he supports trans rights! We love Ron Weasley in this house.

(Unrelated bit of information: Harry was my first fandom little black dress -- the character I could ship with anyone.)

17) there should be more of this type of fic/art

This is very selfish because it's more "I want to read this" than "I feel this is lacking", but looooooong hurt/comfort fics. Like, god, just give me thousands and thousands of words of a character being hurt and traumatised and ignored and thinking they're not good enough, and make me fucking ache, and make that moment where they finally get a hug so so good because of how much we've been hurting beforehand. I'm such a slut for that.

Actually, you know who I'd really like to see in these kinds of fics? Lo'ak. I've got a few for Spider that I love and there's of course "pretty boy snuff film" for the absolute wrecking and traumatising of Jake Sully, but I haven't been able to find any hurt/comfort Lo'ak fics that really speak to my tastes.

(As for art -- more porn. Always always more porn.)

18) it’s absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on…

All the incredible amazing unhinged possibilities of darkfic. The majority of the Avatar fandom seems more preoccupied with gasping in horror that someone could write non-con than understanding why people might want to write that, the things darkfic can do, and yes, that includes dead dove stories, the ones that want to roll around in all their dark awful sexiness solely for the purpose of getting people off.

(there are of course people doing this! And they're doing amazing things! This is a ramble about fandom as a whole. It feels like everyone always needs to be sweet and wholesome and pure, and even the angst has to be because everyone has the Best Of Intentions at all times. Give me people being messy and making mistakes and fucking up and being selfish and making bad decisions-- whether that turns into dark fic or not)

(this extends to the recoms. I don't really understand recom love (mainly out of it not speaking to me, not in the pearl-clutching "how could you possibly" way) but I especially don't understand it when people make them sweet little kittens. Let the kitties have claws!! Let the monsters be monstrous!) (and, once again, this is just how I enjoy fandom. Not everyone has to enjoy fandom the way I do!)

22) your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

I've sat on this one for a really long time and I just don't know! Nothing had really jumped to mind for me. I mean.... I'm mad at James Cameron for ignoring Neytiri for more than half of the second movie, but that's not a fandom thing. My favourite part of canon that canon just ignores?

24) topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

I've already mentioned it, but the fucking "if you write underage characters in sexual situations, you want to harm actual children". It's just so fucking gross to equate the abuse of real-life children to people writing fiction. What a way to fucking downplay actual harm to real people.

(also, if you think AO3 is full of "literal pedophiles", maybe stop using the fucking site.) (shout-out to the time I saw someone clutching pearls that they saw incest fics on AO3. You know, the archive built on the platform of "maximum inclusiveness")

25) common fandom complaint that you’re sick of hearing

Ahahahahahaha that you mustn't age up teenage characters because it's still somehow harmful to them. (once again, it cannot be stressed enough, they're fictional and you cannot hurt them). I once saw someone say, "Imagine how Neteyam would feel if he saw you writing smutty stories about him" and I did not know what to feel because Neteyam does not get to have an opinion. Neteyam isn't real.

A claim I've seen a lot is that aging up isn't okay because "you still saw a teenager and thought about writing smut about them!!!!" And I mean -- maybe? But it also doesn't matter, because the way you feel about fictional characters does not mean anything in terms of how you treat people in real life. I think seeing someone write smut about 21-year-old Lo'ak and saying, "You want to fuck teenagers!!!!" is absolutely unhinged.

#asked and answered #avatar 2009 #avatar the way of water #harry potter #fuck jkr #fandom #purity culture #ao3

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wurdulac · 2 months

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i don't necessarily regret having played wh40k: rogue trader bcs i ended up getting a way better grasp on what wh40k is (a cesspit) and i also had fun (though it is a pretty bad game when it comes to plot and general... design of its systems; it's a very confused game), i just kinda uh. wished i didn't pay for it. i liked combat a lot, i liked creating my character as i go, just taking whatever new choices she has made and see what the broader picture of her it creates.. i was surprised to see some nuance in writing present in the romances too. also it's a game with longest ending slides ever, especially for a game with nothing much to say. tbh when i think about their fucked up endings for women who were punished for transgressing the inescapable social order i get mad.

also i guess i sort of knew it's a grimdark setting but i didn't know it takes the state propaganda it created to be the actual truth of the universe. i've been baffled when revisiting older rpgs i'd played and realizing they're libertarian etc. but this one takes the cake of being straightforwardly fascist. maddening given how it has all the telltale signs of being a caricature of the fascist system but then like i said everything it believes abt the world turns out to be true. workers are striking because it's the deamons corrupting them. mutated humans are genetically evil. the perma-war state is necessary actually. the non-human races need to be eradicated and they're also racist towards humans and would strike first anyway. the bloated corpse they worship as a god actually protects the people against the evil without so all those thousands of psykers sacrificed everyday are 100% justified and necessary.

#had to get it out of the system...#i will still think abt both this particular game and the franchise in general for a while i guess.

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fanficapologist · 2 months

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Oof, here we go!! Maera went there!! I couldn’t believe what I just read. I thought I was hallucinating the words.

Oooh the nerve of Aemond, I mean if I were Maera I’d ignore him too. He doesn’t get any sympathy from me. In this universe, even if he’d lain with Alys as a means to an end, and not because he felt something for her, well, we can’t deny the proof of it now can we.

I was also seething at how the people around her - Alicent and even her father fully expect her to turn a blind eye to Aemond’s indiscretion all while she is held up to an impossibly high standard of always doing her best and just accepting it, as if she should be grateful Aemond still returns to her. I know we’re supposed to be judging them based on the standards of that time but it just reminded me that even now, little has changed. Just this afternoon my parents asked when I planned on getting married as I am nearly thirty. And the worst part is how marriage is seen as the solution to everything - because as they put it, what else was I going to do with my life if I didn’t get married? It just drives me mad because it implies that all my accomplishments amount to nothing until I secure a husband, not even that, as if my entire being is worthless until I got married.

Anyway, back to the story, we finally have the confrontation scene!! I had to process my feelings on this because my knee jerk reaction is to feel insulted, how dare Alys act like that as if she was the wife? But then, when I calmed down, I realized, it could also be a projection of my possessiveness to Aemond and to an extent Ewan Mitchell. Fanfiction makes me lose myself in the character so it’s easy to feel as if I’ve been slighted, yes, I’m feeling quite meta today. But in reality, or in canon, Alys isn’t really portrayed heavily enough for us to really get a glimpse of what she was like so it’s easy to paint her as the villain, the seductress who tempted Aemond but let’s not forget- Aemond also chose to lie with Alys. I want to be better and not just lay down the blame on the other woman. For all we know, Alys is amused because she’s past all that and finds the entire thing silly because she doesn’t want to steal Aemond. She already knows his heart belongs to Maera. I feel like she’s like this -taunting because Maera is wary of her. I mean I do want to give her the benefit of the doubt. But I suppose the only way I’ll find out is if I read the next chapter.

When you said drama I didn’t expect it on a Monday hahahahaha but this powered me through the day so thank you so much!! Hope you’re doing well!

I always live for your analysis of the chapters each time I upload 🖤

Aemond is so god damn stupid but think we’ve all gotta remember this boy is about 18/19 in this fic. That is so young! And what man doesn’t make dumb decisions at that age? (I like to think most of the wars in the medieval times are due to young men spitting their dummies out and acting on impulse, only to regret it later)

With Alys, you’re right. In the canon we don’t know an awful lot about her. I’m hoping to give her a bit more depth as a character with more interactions between her and Maera. I’m not sure how some of the audience will react to that. We’re all Aemond girlies and I’m sure there will be plenty of comments like “why doesn’t Maera just stab her ffs.” (Tbf id react the same 🤣) but we can’t just go round stabbing people, can we?

Maera’s got to play the game, and what a long game it will be. She’s going to have to be sneaky, clever and downright badass if she wants to succeed in this world, especially with a war going on.

I have the bulk of the next chapter, just down to editing now. (Spoiler: there will be smut 👀)

#maera wylde #aemond targaryen #aemond x oc #aemond fanfiction #chapters #hotd aemond #hotd fanfic #house targaryen #house wylde #hotd helaena

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mt10lt20 · 2 years

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I think I will be back to crack-posting because, to find a mental resolution, I sort-of came up with a HC on how Cipher and Pixy resolved their mutual solo dumping issues & found their wings again... So.. HC-ing away & a make-up sketch (hugs are so hard to draw =(. Also my HC is LOONGG... & inspired by the many awesome fic-writers and other AC HCs that suggest they do meet again:

- Pixy goes to fight at the border after the events of Zero, and that’s where he found his way to the sky again, back with A World With No Boundaries. Cipher might have crippled them but there is no way AWWNB dies that easily.

- However, this was not without some convincing as I think Pixy would have gotten more of a nuanced perspective of the war after being rescued by the border inhabitants and living alongside them. So.. AWWNB had to be persuasive and they were, because they also resurrected with a new, charismatic leader (Someone like Proj Wingman’s delusional but cool Crimson 1). He also talks a good game about how they, as a new squadron, will be able to face anything, even the Demon Lord, if he ever appeared again. Pixy’s unsure what to think about Cipher’s disappearance but is a mixed bag of disbelief (Cipher, of all people, gave up?) and regret (realizing they will forever end on a bad note). Unconsciously, Pixy was looking for a decisive flight lead like Cipher, but with more purpose than flying like a god and bounty hunting, but he doesn’t know it yet.

- Cipher disappears after the events of Zero. Though victorious, the battle/ Pixy’s words impacted him more than he thought and he decided to hang up his wings until he found a real purpose to fly.

- He’s good at disappearing and, wanting a clean cut from everything, starts again in a small city in Aurelia - far from Ustio, Sapin and Belka. Prob deposited his merc money into 5 bank accounts and 7 Venture funds for war rebuilding (yes, after introspection, he does get haunted by the houses and windmills he mercilessly eradicated) and picks up a very ordinary job that is still connected to flying. Maybe? he became the world’s best delivery pilot (everyone gets their parcels 1 week early unless there are special instructions for birthday/ anniv surprise gifts, and there is an explosion of 5 star reviews). He also picks up friends along the way that makes him realize, there is a lot more to living than just doing a great job, COMMUNICATION IS IMPORTANT, and that money’s nothing if not shared.

- Pixy and Cipher have a lot of time to think about the future.. Cipher starts to make new friends, realizing how much things could be different if he only knew how to communicate instead of giving solutions. || Pixy realizes his new flight lead does have a purpose to fight but this time it is worse - evolving AWWNB's vision from a rule-by-the-people to dictatorship. He’s brutal and efficiently ends anyone who doesn’t share the same loyalty. As his new leader amasses power in the vacuum the Demon Lord left behind, Pixy realizes he is in too deep. And as he flies formation, carefully towing the line, he realizes perhaps.. he knows someone who broke AWWNB once and who can do it again...

- Cipher is aware that AWWNB is alive again and more radicalized. While flying he thinks about throwing his name back into the mercenary “deadpool” before they get to Aurelia and blow up nice people, like Jim his “co-pilot” who keeps asking him to “do another of that turn-y things with the plane!”. The sky on his 4 is empty this time, and he really dreads having to fight Pixy again. (He never got rusty.. to Cipher flying a plane is like riding a bicycle, and his employer doesn’t know but if they looked at the delivery plane cockpit cam, they will prob be shocked at the moves he pulls to get those 5 star reviews. Jim is keeping his lips sealed.)

- Pixy on the other hand is picking up every lead to try and find his old flight lead again, realizing the clock is ticking till AWWNB nukes everything for good, but not before abducting a “representative population” for repopulation and subjugation in the new world.

- They meet again at the half-repaired Valais air base. Cipher had been contract-abiding and after taking proper leave, took to the skies again on short mercenary missions and Pixy, exhausting a lot of blank leads, decided to fly over to the old place where so many memories were made, and victories shared. He’s made some excuse to the AWWNB squadron that he’s there on recon and nearly blanks-out mentally when he sees the Demon Lord again after 5 good years.

- Cipher’s on to him in an instant, and the familiar dread of missile alert sirens start going off in Pixy’s cockpit. He waits for impact, wondering if it would be better if he didn’t attempt to eject this time.. Cipher was back and surely he would start taking AWWNB apart one by one. But the impact doesn’t come. Cipher on the other hand doesn’t know what to make of Pixy not doing ANY evasive movements at all and holds the shot. And for a minute that feels like hours... he brings his plane level to Pixy’s.

- Pixy’s mentally kicking himself to move, to do anything, to explain 5 years in 1 minute.. but wait.. Cipher is real... and he’s signaling to him? That snaps him out. It’s so natural to follow his old flight leader’s instructions and Oh.. he forgot to switch to the common comms channel. And as the channel comes to life, he hears “Hey. I’m still alive. Are you?” And Pixy finds his voice “Yo Buddy, go ahead tell me “I told you so”.. I am really not supposed to be here but things have gotten bad.. Can you tell the guys at the base to not shoot me down? I’ll explain when we land. It’s going to take a while.”

- And they talk.. over beer about the impending war, Pixy’s insider information, about purpose, about PJ... about them. At the end Cipher asks Pixy if he would fly with him again, but says “but if this ends with you firing at me without warning again...” and Pixy cuts in “No. It won’t... I’m.. sorry”.

- Galm is reborn the next day. (For the sake of it I am going to call him.. -->) Crimson 1 bears down on them with fire and brimstone. But a Demon is at home in hell, and Cipher takes him on. They fight like they are on another plane of existence. Pixy takes on other targets, reprising his role as Galm 2 as if he never left. He knows them both - brutal till the end.. and as it looks like both will go down in flames, he prays salvation for a Demon, and wishes for a second chance. They had so little time after all..

- Flares and chaff gone. Fuel down to reserves. One missile left and Cipher takes the shot. Crimson goes down in flames, and Cipher goes down without fuel. The last of the fight was at low altitude and one has to catch the right angle for a good bail-out. Pixy sees both blue and red disappear and he feels like he has gone down too.

- Pixy spends the whole night at the Valais air-base bar, unsure what the victory party is celebrating, blindly accepting thanks and congratulating the other fighters and ground crew. Some ask about Cipher and when he says he didn’t see a chute deploy they turn pensive and go “well.. he would get a memorial for sure. But he’d want to see you drink up!”. And Pixy accepts the beer shoved in his hand but doesn’t drink.

- Its 4am and the victory party is about to die down when the door slams open with too much force and people turn around. But it slams shut again too quickly and people hear a “Fuck. My hand’s screwed up too?” Pixy recognizes that voice. When Cipher finally gets the door open he can’t stop himself and embraces his flight leader, as if he wanted to make sure this “apparition” was real.. and he thinks.. men like him do not get second chances often. The gods are finally kind...

- Epilogue: A new team of aces is formed, meant to be a cross-national team comprising the best-of-the-best, to combat huge threats like these and Cipher and Pixy are drafted. Valais will be the temporary base and others.. will join them in time. Cipher’s done with doing things half-legally and puts in his 1 month’s notice at the Delivery company. Jim and the boss are both excited and sad to see him go... but they have a hell of a blast over Cipher’s last month. [Also... some sketches of Pixy and Cipher missing each other... =]

#ace combat #ace combat zero #headcannon #I am not good at writing #I think my humor is very MCU sighs that's my other fandom #cipher #pixy #solo wing pixy #they made up #really really quick sketches sorry for the errors #PJ #AWWNB #post zero #Crimson 1 #but not really #MCU references #more for my own resolution T_T so I can go and make crack posts in peace haha #This is how I am joining up the AC Universe argh shoot me #shippy stuff

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berrylover0571 · 1 year

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It's very exhausting that people say they hate feminism, when what they really hate is the repackaged pink veneer feminism that is sold to them by capitalism. The repurposed and co-opted version of feminism that lines executive pockets and doesn't actually fix anything is not feminism, it's meant to make you think it is, but if it was feminism, it wouldn't be doing half the shit it's doing.

Nothing has ever made me want to blow my brains out more, truly, then when somebody says they hate feminism, when what they mean is that they hate repackaged capitalistic feminism for neoliberal feminism that rehabilitates war criminals. No you don't hate feminism, there are lots of types of feminism that are antagonistic and generally shitty, but you don't hate feminism, you hate trans exclusionary radical feminism, or sex worker exclusionary radical feminism, or feminist Theory being repurposed by Christian fundamentalists, for neoliberal feminism.

You don't hate feminism that utilizes a Marxist lens, you don't hate intersectional feminism, or black feminism, or feminist liberation, because feminist Liberation is equality.

Do you want to know what's not equality? Egalitarianism. Egalitarianism was invented by a bunch of Libertarians and weirdo YouTubers because they didn't like the ideas of feminism because it actively peeled away at their fucking conceptions of reality and questioned them. Egalitarianism quite literally reinforced the very things it was supposedly trying to critique. Egalitarianism isn't real, it's a manufactured ideology by a bunch of conservatives who are now white nationalists or crazy people. If you say you are an egalitarian with a Capital e, unironically in 20 fucking 23, I have reason to suspect you are either Two Steps From fascism, A terf, someone with a word a day calendar who decided to use the word today, or so out of touch you don't see the social context and connotations of egalitarianism and who created it and why.

And yes, I know the social context and connotation of saying I identify as a feminist, of saying I believe and work with feminist Theory and it's a lot more substantially compelling than egalitarian theory, because egalitarian theory has never been academically published, and anything they critique and say definitely has a paper written on it under feminist Theory, because it's a reactionary movement invented by a bunch of fucking weirdos. A bunch of fucking weirdos mind you who got pissed about video games and now for some reason our pundits on the political stage. Seriously how the fuck did Milo yianopolis get on 24-hour news Cycles?

You want proof that egalitarianism is a lie, and feminism is what you're actually talking about, here's an anecdote for me: I used to identify as an egalitarian in some capacity. I used to be very heavily opposed to feminism. I would regularly share critiques of feminism, many of which I remember to this day because of how deeply I regret them and How Deeply they make me cringe. Ion ironically shared armored skeptic videos, Lauren Southern videos, shoe on head videos before she supposedly went left-wing, amazing atheist, thunderfoot, I was deeply immersed in all of this shit, and I believe that there was a better way than feminism, it was egalitarianism, it made sense. I remember following Sargon for God's sake, listening to bullshit talking points from Paul Joseph Watson, I was neck deep in bullshit and there was no signs of me stopping. The thing that snapped me out of it was actual skepticism that held people accountable and talked through things. The people listed above didn't have that, of the people I listed almost every single one of them have either abandoned egalitarianism in favor of leftism and a form of feminist Theory, they have recanted their statements, they have turned coat on each other, or, my personal favorite because it just shows you how egregiously bullshit it all was, are out and out fascists who have propagated conspiracy theories and utter bullshit like white genocide.

You want to say that you are not a feminist because men have it just as hard as women feminists would fucking agree, at least in some capacities, because the expectations put upon Men by Society are not in fact good and do in fact hurt people. It's no wonder that there is a problem with male suicide rates, it's no wonder that masculinity is for some reason in crisis, there was never a strong Foundation of masculinity under capitalism, there wasn't a strong Foundation of femininity under capitalism, it's all a marketing demographic to fucking sell you shit. That's why now we have a bunch of influencers trying to rebuild masculinity from the ground up like Andrew tate, or Jordan peterson, people telling men to be men, which doesn't mean anything when there's not been a foundation of masculinity and people aren't allowed to explore gender as they're comfortable. You're not pissed that fucking feminism is down playing the suffering of men, feminism isn't doing that, I've read enough papers to tell you that, there are plenty of books, reams and reams of data, countless quotes and people who actively agree that men suffer under current patriarchal standards, because we are reinforcing the ideologies of men who are now dead who believe that women were cows meant to be bred and left to fucking die, taking care of the home as there only responsibility, if that. The beliefs and predictions of a patriarchal society doesn't mean that men are the bad people, it means that a group of men, several hundred years ago, maybe even several decades ago, created standards that we cannot abide by and we cannot atone towards, and invalidate Us in the present. It disallows us from exploring gender and exploring ourselves, being the man or woman we want to be or whatever the fuck we identify with, and deny people the agency to define themselves.

The patriarchy isn't modern men, though certain Modern Men do in fact reciprocate it, because they directly benefit from it, no patriarchy is not just modern men, it isn't modern masculinity, it is the fact that we as a whole society, capitalism and every other system of oppression, reinforce standards of masculinity that we're put in place by people who are now dead and do not matter. The fact that the fucking well of discourse was so thoroughly poisoned by a guy who's Avatar was a PNG of a helmet with a suit under it, some jackass who had a fetish for humiliating a woman who dare to critique video games that absolutely needed to be critiqued because next to no kind of reporting is being critical of video games at the moment and that's fucking concerning, and some jackass who decided a picture of some dude from ancient Persia or mesopotamia, that wasn't even sargon.

Half of these motherfuckers got pissed by a bunch of college students, which is the most inane bullshit I've ever heard. I can't stress enough, I've gotten pissed at video games, I did not get as pissed at video games as these guys got pissed at people who made video games and were parts of the industry. It is astounding how much bullshit propagated because a bunch of guys, who didn't make video games and barely fucking had any sort of experience or know how of the fucking area, decided they knew more about feminist Theory than any fucking person on the planet. None of these dudes could critique feminism, not a single one of them could, if put in a room with an actual academic feminist, which one of them was and was wiped the floor with, if put in a room with an actual academic feminist none of their points hold water because most academic feminists have in fact addressed to the points they're talking about.

I hope every person who fucked over and made it impossible to talk about gender issues, simply because they were pissed about video games, gets a hot iron catheter stuck in their dick hole, just so that you can know the pain and discomfort I fucking feel having to navigate the world right now. You can trace a direct line from some of these motherfuckers to the current debates we're having about transgender issues, quite a number of them made fun of transgender people and emboldened people to do the same, escalating them down a fucking path that led them to nazism, it's no wonder that fucking Sargon was a member of the UK independence party, a nationalist organization with nationalistic ends that hinged on fascism.

It would be fucking comedic if it wasn't so tragic, how the ethics and video game journalism people just happened to ignore the ethical fucking dilemma and conflicts of interests that they had.

I deeply fucking despise every single person involved in this fucking problem, and I hope they fucking work their asses off to fix it or get busy fucking dying, because there's no fucking reason for this shit to be so fucking impossible to navigate.

You got played, you got fucked up, and now we can't use the actual language we need to fucking use to talk about issues that actually do fucking happen. It is astounding how many times fucking people have reinvented terminology that already exists because they can't talk about feminist Theory because, I cannot stress this enough, a bunch of weirdos got pissed about video games and decided to take it out on video game feminist who weren't doing anything in the grand scheme of things. A good part of our fascist backslide has to do with the fact that a bunch of people felt entitled to be jackasses.

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synthwwavve · 1 year

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from the ask list thing— bo-katan, for whichever ones you want/all:D

Aaaaa thank you! I did almost all of them but left out a few that I couldn't think of anything good for. Without further ado--

— a fun headcanon

She is really good at video games, especially FPS and strategy games (naturally.) She grew up kind of a loner and spent most of her teens holed up in her room not knowing what to do with herself, and this was one of her major pastimes.

— a sad headcanon

The scar on her forehead came from a near-miss of being fatally stabbed during an attack on the palace during the civil war, when she was only about 6-7. Fortunately she managed to dodge just enough for the blade to graze her skin and nothing worse. (I have a lot of uh. much sadder headcanons from this same night/event, but I’m not revealing them yet because I want to turn them into a proper fic >:D )

— a headcanon that canon doesn't disprove (yet lol, this could change in mando s3 now that we’re getting more Bo history)

She joined Death Watch ~4-5 years before TCW canon, but continued to feign a normal life in Sundari and a relationship (albeit a strained and not-very-close one) with Satine while actively double-crossing her and plotting to overthrow her behind her back. Satine didn’t find out any of this until right after the shit went down with Death Watch being exposed in general.

— a headcanon to spite canon, specifically

She is somewhere between 23-26 during TCW. Not 17. Not the same age as Satine. Early to mid 20’s. I will die on this hill.

— a headcanon about their family

Mom Kryze was not born a Mandalorian, she was the eldest daughter of a prominent Kalevalan noble family, and was adopted into the culture when she married Adonai... who was not a Duke until he married into her family, just an influential warlord and the head of clan Kryze.

— a missing scene that definitely happened

Not so much a headcanon but a speculation… something fucking intense must have gone down for her to lose the darksaber to Moff Gideon because?? she’s amazing at weilding it as we now see???

— I recognize canon has made a decision, but given that it's a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to ignore it (+ what should have happened)

This is a bit controversial but in my headcanons, I tend to massively dial down her regret, deradicalization, and general arc towards redemption in favor of keeping her unhinged and villainous, just a bit more subdued with age. She’s just so fun and entertaining to me when she’s terrible….. I am happy with the direction they're taking her in current canon too though!

— something they believe about [other character] that isn't true

I headcanon that she had a lot of irrational, sometimes bordering on delusional, hate for her sister that often wasn’t based on anything true, but was founded on a twisted and dramatized misinterpretation of things she believed to be true about Satine and her actions, intentions, ideology, etc.

— their happiest memory

Having her dad's armor reforged to fit her and putting it on for the first time. I feel like it was kind of a “second birth” moment for her.

— favorite fanon relationship

I fucking live for anyone who writes Death Watch era Bo and Gar Saxon as antagonistic barely-frenemies who constantly give each other hell, I don’t know why it’s so funny and perfect to me but it is

— favorite should have been canon relationship

God. listen. not to get on my bullshit but Bo/Pre Vizsla…. Yes as a romantic ship because I'm trash of them, but I also just think more of their relationship and their past together “should have been canon” in the sense that I wish it was explained and fleshed out more, no matter what the nature of their relationship was. I’m dying to know what their history is, how they met, how Bo joined Death Watch, how she ended up his second-in-command, etc. I’m happy with my headcanons but I want to know what officially went down too!

Ask Meme post for anyone who wants it!

#thank you for sending!#sorry this is so long lmao #headcanons #bo katan kryze #star wars #long post

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notthestarwar · 11 months

Text

WIP

Posted:

Talking to the dead (tangled au)

Mand’alor the lost

What the living do rewrite

How the living go on living and the dead go on living with them (what the living do sister story)

No children (looper au)

The glass wall

Not posted:

[So these are the ones i’ve actually started writing. i have another list of ideas/disembodied snippets. which is. yeah. there are a lot. oh my god there are so many. why are there so many.]

Amnesiac Fox- fox&maul. Maul finds fox on a distant planet, in a small town (one that bears a striking resemblance to small town americana) unaware of the greater galaxy and pretty convinced that he’s lived in this dead end town all his life. Maul is so utterly baffled by this, that he winds up forgetting that he isnt the type of person who would try and help, and tries very hard to help Fox.

Obi Wan and Jango’s dream(s)- due to some kind of force event, Obi Wan gets trapped in a repeating cycle where he is living in a fantasy world, with no clue that this isnt his life. Each chapter is a different story cliche, (so theres a coffee shop one, one where he’s a dentist, a professor one, one where he’s an aerobics teacher) and he doesnt remember the last in the next. However, twist! he’s somehow dragged Jango in to this and Jango does remember, and he is not impressed. Jango thought that he died, but now he is not dead and he’s beginning to think he has some regrets actually and if he’s alive, he would quite likely to be back in the real world (which was all going to shit when he ‘died’) however, instead, he’s stuck playing pretend with a Jedi. he’s pretty sure that this is Obi Wan’s fault. he is also pretty sure that the Jedi is only pretending not to remember and that this whole thing is just Obi Wan playing games with him. pretty much wrote this to make myself laugh tbh

Fox gets a job- Post war. Fox is looking for a job but does a terrible job at each interview he gets given (presumably deliberately) and keeps giving overly honest answers to questions (not ideal when you killed your last boss). In the end, he ends up falling in to work as a private investigator, finding people who are victims of underground cloning ops? But he refuses to take any payment and also doesn’t tell anyone he is doing this. It’s a little bit crime noir if you squint. Its’s quin/Fox with background Cody/Obi Wan.

Prime, the worst clone. In which Jango steals Cody’s job after Boba dies on Geonosis and the clones all hate him for it. after a battle, while he’s pretending to be a clone (because he has nothing better to do.he wasnt supposed to be the one that survived) he stumbles upon a cave, empty aside from a furnace and a armorer (unexpected.) before he can say anything, the armourer gives him a prophecy, telling him about the night of 1000 tears and saying that if he lets things continue, all Mandalorians will be dead in a few decades. meanwhile, Cody, away from jango, is not actually that concerned about being usurped, because being forgotten about has actually given him quite a lot of freedom and he’s completely worked it to his advantage.

Undead Fox- Where Palpatine messes with sith ruins he doesnt understand, and accidentally makes an unkillable clone. When Fox returns from the unsurvivable, acting creepy and like a man most likely possessed, Palpatine knows he’s messed up. There is something very wrong with this clone, people are going to notice and they’ll start asking questions he doesn’t want asked, so he kills him. Problem solved. Then, the next morning, Fox reports in to him, like every morning. Palpatine is disturbed, but resolves to do a better job next time, and then, Fox reports in again the next morning. In which, the guard, very loyal to their commander, resolve to look after whatever their commander has now become, and work very hard to cover up his many ‘deaths’ while Palpatine, continuously tries to kill him, before the Jedi trace back the eldritch horror residing in the guard barracks, to him. Palpatine is increasingly unsettled and finds himself too uncomfortable in Fox’s presence, to even consider trying to harness his power/experiment on him. He can’t bear to be in his presence and so rather than just locking him up, keeps trying to kill him in increasingly more inventive ways. Meanwhile, Fox is very strange, seems to be gettting stranger and is decidedly not human anymore, the guard find themselves trying to grieve for a man that can’t die.

Who killed chancellor palpatine- also wrote this one to make myself laugh tbh. half of it is written on paper? don’t know why i did that because i lost it and now i can’t remember what happens aside from an outline. i’m hoping i’ll find it because i want to read it again as i found it very funny the first time.

so it starts, with the Jedi launching an investigation as chancellor palpatine has been found dead.over the course of the story, literally everyone confesses to this murder, because they all think they are covering for someone, but then the person they are covering for is covering for someone else and so on. it’s in two parts, because when they finally establish that none of these people were involved. and actually rex and ahsoka were covering for each other, so thats the end of that line, it turns out that they don’t even have the right time of death, because palpatine was already dead during his ‘last few days’ and that was also a coverup, starting a whole new chain of people admitting to crimes they didnt comitt.

The unwanted and unintentionally abandoned- Post order 66 Boba and Korkie (Kenobi) team up. Exploration of what it is to be a bad father and how trying, isn’t always enough.

Post order 66, Obi Wan finds Cody. (reverse Cody finds Obi Wan on Tatooine.) Cody is not happy.

Venators are haunted- This is a long desc. cause i love it very much but don’t have much of it written (apart from the end and the begining). i want to get a ghost story vibe building throughout. where it goes from ‘obviously it’s not ghosts’ to ‘oh shit it’s ghosts’ and i’ve yet to figure that out lol

Palpatines plans end up falling apart because the Jedi are the only ones that will spend any time on the venators and so he has little to no control over the war as all of the non clone officers quit. The venators all have very bad vibes. cold spots. flickering lights. (initially blamed on the ships themselves) but then, as time goes on things are less easily explained (a childs laughter heard in the corridors, equipment unexpectedly breaking sometimes when they are about to head out in battle on the senates orders) at first the officers just refuse to live on the ships, saying that its too uncomfortable to live there, and then, they find that this stuff happens whenever clones are around and they start to become unsettled by the clones at large. the clones are entirely used to all of this and take it in their stride and the jedi are like. well. odd. but. what can we do about it.

As the war goes on, more strange stuff starts to happen, with fog coming out of nowhere in battle when things are turning bad, saving clones time after time and the other things are happening more and more. then, the fog starts to appear on the ship, and strange things begin to be written in spilt salt, fogged up mirrors, anywhere really. saying things like ‘sith senate’.eventually, the jedi start to pay attention to youngling rumours that the clones are haunted, but they are very nice about it and are like ‘well the ghosts seem to have their best interests at heart and they don’t seem to mind (the clones dont know any better)’.

Nobody can see the ghost/ghosts and there are many theories as to who they are (lost padawans, the clones that didnt make it, including those that died as children. ect) but actually, it’s Arla. in this AU, she does die with Jango’s parents, and when the first clones are born, she makes it her mission to stay with them. she cant really do anything, but over the years she finds more ways to make her presence known, and to influence the living (to try and help the clones). The story ends as a fixit, and when the clones are ‘safe’, the ghost moves on. (theres a bit at the end, where out of the view of the living, ghost arla reunites with jango (now that she’s fixed his fuck up) and they walk on to whatever is next together.

The one where everyone runs away- technically a sequel to ‘part of me died here so another could go on’ which I did not want to have a sequel. The whole point of it was that nothing changed. But then I started thinking about the idea of his brother being out there just eating Cody alive and began this. Cody has a fuck-it moment and starts sleeping with Obi Wan, but they end up having a full blown secret relationship, and then Cody runs off to find Ponds. Rako Hardeen happens and Obi Wan is like- Cody is going to see that I died! I have to find him and explain. Then Anakin finds out Padme is pregnant and decides that he needs to find Obi Wan. In Anakins absence, Ahsoka and Rex actually investigate the chips. Palpatine is sweating cause he wants to set off order 66 but like, Anakin is off trying to find Obi Wan so he keeps delaying things and then when he can’t delay any longer, he sets off order 66 and it… just doesn’t work. Literally, a chain of familial love just really really fucks up palpatines plans. Cody/obi Wan

Those that are forgotten and those that are just lost- Jango/Obi Wan. they meet on Mandalore during the civil war and within minutes of meeting, Jango sees a vision of himself killing Obi Wan years in the future. He ends up falling for him anyway.

A violent product of a violent world- Cody/Obi Wan. Chip CC2224 finds himself in competition with the man he once was for Obi Wan’s love. And then Cody starts trying to take over CC2224’s body.

Modern AU- The most convoluted backstory ever. There are Jedi but no force powers. There are no clones but there is a army of ‘brothers’. Palpatine is a billionaire with his hands in way too many pockets and is behind the wars (worldwide) but nobody knows. Obi Wan leaves the Jedi as he feels he can do more help as a civilian. Plo Koon and Quinlan leave as well and they are running a small civil rights advocacy venture in a tiny office. Obi Wan and Cody are in a long term relationship but Cody is still in the military which Obi Wan isn’t happy about. Jango is tied up in this series of wars but nobody (including him) knows how, just that his employer sends him on a job and next thing you know, there is a war in that place. Jango leaves a trail of almost identical looking babies behind him over a period of about 30 years, doesn’t acknowledge this until he finally decides that he wants to know who the hell is behind this all and whats actually happening and hands baby Boba to Cody.

The cycle ends with me- in which Luke runs away to tattoine to try and raise Ben Solo’s child and ‘end the cycle.’ Literally takes nothing from canon but names. I can not stress this enough, Rey and Ben Solo are at no point anywhere near being together. Rey is a lesbian and living her best life.

Slavery canon divergence- Jango & Obi Wan were slaves together in the past. Cody ends up driving Anakins redemption?

The dream/the pond- University prof AU in which all is perfect and actually a dream, reality starts creeping in and corrupting the beautiful

End credits- Codywan reverse happy ever after. (post order 66 happily ever after slowly unravels)

Cody tries to find himself by moving in to Rex and Ahsoka’s spaceship roomshare.

Obi wan raises anakin Modern AU- where Qui Gon (irresponsible absent dad) visits (just about) adult Obi Wan, turning up on his doorstep with a child (this is Anakin, your new brother) and then dies in an accident.

Suburban life- post order 66 Anakin and Padme living in perfect suburbia, on some distant planet, nobody knows them. They are desperately trying to make friends but everyone thinks they are utter weirdos. So they plot to bring Cody and Obi Wan to live there, to show everyone how normal they are. Cody and Obi Wan get completely strong-armed in to this (anakin and padme buy them a house without telling them and ask them to come ‘for a visit’). It goes badly, because Cody and Obi Wan are only normal, to Padme and Anakin and are really really strange to anyone else. Nobody in this neighbourhood knows about the war or the Jedi, and it seems very apparent to them that Cody grew up in some kind of cult, and Obi Wan is the kind of rich weirdo that doesnt think twice about marrying a guy born in to a cult. Padme and Anakin decide that the best way to go about things is to pretend they don’t know each other and then, when they’ve got an in, Obi Wan and Cody can spread the good word. It is immediately really obvious they know each other. so the neighbours just view Cody and Obi Wan as like some kind of plant sent to spy on their bbq’s/parties by Padme and Anakin.

Council chambers- Obi Wan walks in to a council chambers type limital space, full of representatives all of a possible future, each of them are terrible

Canon divergence where Obi Wan arrives on Kamino and finds it burnt out.

The Orb- Codywan on tattoine in which Obi Wan tries to tear apart reality to fix the past

The one where Cody’s chip breaks and he sets out as a bounty hunter after a woman hires him to find her husband

Genres.- the OG story (prequels and original trilogy) but each chapter is a different genre.

Anakin dies-. Padme living in the aftermath. Obi Wan can’t stand to see her as she reminds him of Anakin.

Bedtime stories from an alternative universe- A collection of stories from various universes running parallel to the prequels and what comes after. I started this one as a way to write the au’s that never got past the point of being ‘this is what happens’. it’s going to be a collection, of someone telling a kid a bedtime story and those stories, are actually some of my abandoned au’s lol. (believe it or not none of the au’s in this list so far are actually abandoned. these are the ones i’ve started writing (some of them are like. almost finished. thousands of words lol.) and intend to finish (lol). so this collection is the ones that i have truly abandoned.

What the living do sequels-

-And when the time comes to let it go, to let it go (Boba, Rex and Cody in the aftermath)

-Nothing is lost in life or love (Cody and Obi Wan live their best life after the war. Obi Wan hasn’t seen a ghost in years. Anakin is raising the twins by himself and so visits often to make this their problem.)

-You could make this beautiful sequels

-the one where Cody confronts Obi Wan about running

-the one where Luke tries to have a family dinner

The Not tangled au’s associated offshoots including:

-Rex and Ahsoka adventurers

-Boba Fett, criminal little brother

-The faceless warriors- In which Fox and a group of his brothers are a ghost story, but actually they are real.

-Cody the tired innkeeper, pining for the king. (Cody/Obi Wan)

-The sequel in which Luke gets engaged to Din, the prince of Mandalore and the Mandalorian’s tell the royal family where the Jedi went.

#for reference #ref #reference #mywriting ntwyw #don't mind this lol. i have far too many wip on the go as usual and am finding it hard to sort them in my mind so #thought i'd do an update of this post for my reference

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this-is-an-open-letter · 2 years

Note

Thoughts on Midnights!? where does it rank in her disography for you? Top songs? Least fave songs?

I read this as a lot more aggressive then I think intended lol

Under cut because who wants to read my ramblings

Listen...its good, like good good. I really do agree its the perfect blend of 1989. Rep, Lover and then Folkevermore.

I genuinely love the entire concept, I love the production on it - I love that she's maybe for the first time, since Back to December, taking more accountability for her role in her sleepless nights. There's a level of vulnerability and also confidence in her writing, in some of the songs that has existed before and it fucking slaps.

Ranking her discography; (not including re-records)

Red

Evermore

Midnights

1989

Speak Now

Folklore

Rep

Lover

Fearless

Debut

Also I want to acknowledge that for the first time in a LONG time she finally chose a perfect first single. She has been struggling with that since Rep. Like post Look What You Made Me Do should've been Delicate.

Post ME! should've been Lover (but actually Cruel Summer)

Post Cardigan should've been August

Post Willow should've been Tis The Damn Season.

She just did not nail singles and second single tracks for years but this time she fucking hit it so right with Anti-Hero. Second single should be Karma or Lavender Haze.

Midnights (3am edition) ranking

Karma

Anti-Hero

Would've, Could've, Should've -

Maroon

Bigger Than The Whole Sky

Glitch

High Infidelity

Vigilante Shit

Sweet Nothing

Dear Reader

Bejeweled

Mastermind

Midnight Rain

Question?

You're on Your Kid

Labyrinth

The Great War

Snow on the Beach

Paris

General ranking of my fave or not fave songs/lyrics;

Most Like/Love

Paris to me the most blah of them all - I doesn't add anything but it also doesn't take anything away. Lyric takeaway, when she sings "somewhere else" all i hear is 'sombrero else' lmao I do not know why.

Karma is a Bitch, but she's not. I love that she frames Karma, which is historically a bad thing, as it giving her only good things in her life. I am obsessed with her brain being able to twist that word and its meaning on its head and creating something so opposite of what we associate with that word. Its fucking genius and I am literally obsessed with her doing that it such a clever way. The song is such a banger, it NEEDS to be the next single.

Would've, Could've, Should've - this song is my Track 5 and I am even going to go as far to say that its her saddest song ever. It surpasses ATW in terms of deep despair and falling apart. There's something so fucking brutal about this song and lines like;

"I would've stayed on my knees And I damn sure would've never danced with the devil at 19 And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven"

"I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep The wound won't close I keep on waiting for a sign I regret you all the time"

Absolute destruction. I honestly can't even put into words this song. So much of it means jumping into her dating history and the perceptions and assumptions that drive this fandom and I am really not big into doing that. I know she all but confirms once again who this song is about but the only path to go from here is to make giant leaps and assumptions and I never feel comfortable doing that. But for whatever the reason - this is her saddest song, one of her greatest songs and its really my top song off the album but I'll be more respectful and put it third. But I will never let go of this song.

Maroon - this song fucked me up right away, but it takes a beat, you need to get to the chorus before the vibe jumps. My general feeling about this album is that it gives me early era Weeknd vibes, with the oldie beats and vocal synths. Its not fully Trilogy but its pretty name close. Time stamp 2:45 "its a real fucking legacy" is straight up Wicked Game. hits so hard , this song is so good.

Vigilante Shit - this song cuts in the best way. Its very Rep vibe but done in the right way. Whom ever she is talking about (I've seen a few theories from Scooter to Prince Diana (this fandom is wild by the way)), she's standing there watching you bleed and fall apart and she's happy about it and I am happy for her! lol

Sweet Nothings - it took a few listens but this one is beautiful. I HATE the lyric about Hucksters but then she follows it with one of my all time faves;

"To you I can admit That I'm just too soft for all of it"

The way she sings 'soft' softly was such a brilliant choice on her part.

Dear Reader - for me is the better end of album song then Mastermind although they both feel like closing tracks, Dear Reader gives a bit more of herself which ties into the theme of personal nights in her life.

Least Like/Love

Snow on the Beach was the most disappointing just in terms of having Lana on it and barely telling that Lana was on it. Its not a bad song but it doesn't hit the way I so wanted it too.

Overall I think the album hits everywhere its supposed to. She's brutal honest in both and bad ways, fears and anxiety are full displays. There's something absolutely poetic but fucking heartbreaking in the way she is almost dismissive of her own body dysmorphia. She acknowledges it through a few songs - but almost because she feels like she doesn't have a right to be insecure or unsure about her body because she's rich, white and famous - she just as quickly dismiss' it. It's such a harsh take on something we all realistic suffer from but she has more battles than just her own inner thoughts to contend with. She's really fucking good at being heartbreaking.

#taylor swift #midnights #3am edition #I am older fan but a newer swiftie so my album ranking is going to piss off a lot of ppl but like whatever #my ears like what they like!#asks

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yostresswritinggirl · 3 years

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@butterfly-mochi Rewrote this freaking thing thrice because it keeps getting deleted wth tumblr agjvahkfajkvk- I enjoyed writing it a lot tho and since I’m too weak to the characters I ended up writing for all of them (except for Sucrose, im sorry bb huhu, I ran out of brain power). This is my first time writing for so many of them in one go so please excuse me for any mistakes or blandness ywy thank you for letting me write for my baby Ganyu too hhhhh

Universe Reversal 2

Genshin Impact Character Reader and Modern Players with Zhongli, Childe & Ganyu (how they simp for you) (event masterlist / Part 1 / Part 3)

Zhongli the F2P

The most relatable out of the bunch because this man is still broke and can only rely on the primogems he can farm. And he had a LOT. The one thing he doesn’t have a lot on, however, is his luck.

So how did he manage to pull you?: Well after exhausting all his primogem on your banner with nothing but weapons and other characters, he has lost his resolve. But by some weird luck, there was a character bug that was fixed and in his email was the almighty consolation primogem. Enough for ONE pull. And by the Gods he FINALLY got you.

He’d nonchalantly post his screenshot of pulling you using a single acquaint fate in his friend group without any words and everyone else just loses their shit. “You got them in one pull?!” “Yeah” A riot.

This was partnered with the fact that not only is Zhongli an F2P player, but also barely has any five star characters.

He looks calm and apathetic over the news, but behind the screen he’s exhausted and relieved, silently livid.

He has no primogems left to squeeze for a constellation so you’re instead pampered with the best weapon suitable for you (because that’s all he keeps getting).

Zhongles spends most of his time farming for materials to quickly level you up, unlocking all your stories and voiceline, but he fucked up on your build (his artifacts are messy).

He follows communities, forums and videos regarding your character to know all the things he needs to perfect your build. You can barely make a dent against normal mobs, so he knew he was doing something VERY wrong.

Is the type of person to keep refreshing the page for new content, very updated.

Ask him a question about your character and he’s gonna bring you the word vomit that is his research. He’s not gonna stop- probably accidentally developed a copypasta for you.

Also follows your VA in both Tiktok and Twitter to indulge in every bit of content. He also has that screenshot of his pull saved and locked.

On his birthday, a friend of his gifted him a chibi plushie of you and he has treasured it ever since, treating and handling it like its a figurine.

“It is merely pure luck and grace from the gacha gods that I got this character, and I will make sure that they know I am very grateful for this fortune.”

Favorite Voiceline: Birthday Message

Childe The Whaler

This lucky wealthy bastard with no remorse for his money whales for EVERY character. He’s making a collection, which is to get all the characters, especially the five stars. So when your banner finally popped up, he’s gonna square up and trigger a whole ass meteor shower.

How he pulled you: Money. His luck with this games are actually not the best so he always compensates with money, he got you halfway through the first failed pity, almost giving him a heart attack that he might actually break the bank just to get you.

And then he pulls more to raise your constellation lol.

The first thing he does is look over your character info and read through it all; constellation infos, your base stats, artifact compatibility.

At the end when he’s maximized everything, he would then focus on playing around with your character *coughs climbing noises coughs*

He thought you’d just be another part of his collection but playing with your character was very enjoyable and in-line with his playstyle- oops 100 screenshots with the Kamera-

Any and all merchandise that he fancies would be his, and he’s definitely flexing it to the other sweetie nerds who call themselves simps. He’s fighting for the simping title, and he’s currently neck and neck with this fanartist in Pixiv.

Speaking of that fanartist, he definitely commissioned an expensive and detailed portrait of you, full rights and everything. No one else was allowed to use it but him.

Was also the first one with the audacity to call out your VA to create an account on Tiktok to create more content with your voice. He was successful.

His obssession also comes in the form of self-indulgent contents, and had been keeping track of the ship wars happening. During conventions, he cosplays as the character shipped with you the most (or the character he thinks should end up with you).

Silently scrutinizing those who cosplay you, only ever taking pictures with/of the best looking one, sorry haha

Definitely flaunts that you are his waifu/husbando and will fight for best girl/best boy during debates or polls. Has mobilized the community to vote for you once. He’s very persuasive.

“Hm? Why I’m just the best collector in the game, and I am more than happy to let everyone know that I am their number one fan haha, everyone who claims otherwise is definitely wrong!”

Favorite Voiceline: More About (Y/N) I-IV, (Y/N)’s Hobbies...

Ganyu the Employed

Ganyu, our dearest overworker, is one of the players in the older stage who actually has a job but still plays Genshin for their past times. The gorgeous sceneries and the music is her main focus in playing the game, not much of a try-hard but still decent in the combat mechanics.

How she pulled you: You came home within 50 pulls! And you appeared again after another 10 pull! Ganyu was so SHOOKT and so distressed because oh goodness, what does she do? She doesn’t know anything much about you!

Will rewatch your three trailers to try and understand your skills better, ended up saving the soundtracks from them because that was such a nice trailer music! Tnbee gains a new follower!

Ganyu will take a while before she can properly play or build you up because she’s so busy with work, she only ever plays when she feels fully done with her work.

During her break she plays with your character while multi-tasking on eating, earphones plugged in and sight on the phone as she farms materials and artifacts for you.

The moment she gets more help from her player friends tho, holy shit, you just ended up being so OP. She had so many good artifacts and weapons for you because she didn’t know what they were for before.

She loves how you’re so easy to use and can easily solo the enemies and even the boss fights. A huge breather, because now Ganyu can cheese the battles that takes a while, to give her more time to focus on the storyline and lores.

Since Ganyu plays for the story and aesthetic, she’ll find you almost always in her team. Still very proud of her pull, she makes the best screenshots of your fights or in the best angle through exploration.

Treasures you so much she starts talking to her phone- “Ah, no, please don’t fall.” “There’s violetgrass up there, let’s try and get it”

Blushes everytime you produce a sound when climbing, doesn’t change you anyways tho

Hums to your trailer music while working, and if permitted, would have the song on repeat while she buries herself in work. She finds it really refreshing and the time she spends in work miraculously flies by fast when she gets lost in the sound.

At one point, when she was given a day-off or if the convention was on her free time, she attends to look for cosplayers of you and take a picture. No one rejects her because she’s so adorable and cute when asking shyly.

Had brought a decent amount of merchandise, preferably the functional/practical ones like a phone cover, mug or keychain. Also has an earphones clamp with your little chibi self as the holder.

When asked, she would shyly announce that she likes your character the most.

“Their character theme and music really soothes me during work, it feels nice to have them, and I have not once regretted ever pulling for them. They are the best.”

Favorite Voicelines: Good Night/Afternoon..., About Us, Something To Share..., Interesting Things...

so enjoyable...

@moaa @zelos-simp @legionqueensav @dandelion-dreams @snackgod @rxsalinee

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #zhongli x reader #childe x reader #ganyu x reader #genshin impact zhongli #genshin impact childe #genshin impact ganyu #exile.circlet #exile.flower #sojourner specials #reeeeeeeeee #gender neutral

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knightotoc · 2 years

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So last Wednesday afternoon, I got hit by a car.

I'm ok. Most of my injuries are only skin deep, except a radial head fracture in my left arm. The biggest injury is a 5-centimeter laceration on the back of my head, which got blood all over the street, me, my Totoro t-shirt, and hospital pillows across Orange County. I also got 3 large strategically misplaced abrasions on my limbs and a fucked up right thumb, which makes this a chore to type. But you should have seen the other guy. (I overheard the cop say the car was undamaged.)

The main thing I'm feeling is fear. When I think of the moments before the car hit me, I get so frightened, and when I try to remember the moment it happened (I can't), I start crying. It could have gone better, and it could have gone worse. It's all so stupid and random. So please don't comment anything too scary. And please don't comment anything about God either; I've already heard it, and it's not helpful to me.

Under the fear, I feel shock, anger, and relief. I'm angry at the stupid fuck who crashed her car into me, but not too angry. She did stop and help me. I'm angrier at our car dependent infrastructure with all its dumbass, ugly consequences. Fuck cars. See Who Framed Roger Rabbit for more information.

There is a comforting element of absurdity in this awfulness. It reminds me of how about this time last year, just as I was digging a grave for my dead cat Charlie, I got stung by a bee. Comedy = tragedy + a stupider tragedy. In this case, just as I was entering a small upswing in a lengthy emotional roller coaster -- just as I start to see a path ahead of me and really, actually want it, even without any hope or luck -- just as I go on a half-hearted run for a silly Target purchase -- I get hit by a car.

If you have ever wondered what loot you'd drop if you were a defeated NPC in a video game, getting hit by a car is a great way to find out. Here's mine: a brand new 8-pack of reusable snack bags, a 32-oz quarter-full water bottle in a pretty pink-blue gradient, and a cheap pair of black earbuds with a busted microphone. If anyone finds these things splattered across Placentia Ave, you can have them.

Of course I regret a lot of things. But the one thing I regret more than anything else -- more than my awful timing, my worse reflexes, my leaving the house at all -- is telling the beefcakes in the ambulance that I write Star Wars fanfiction. It should have been a clear sign of brain damage that I completely forgot about Rule #1: Never Talk to 35-to-40 Year-Old Men about Star Wars. Fortunately absolutely nothing happened and my self-sabotaging is completely normal; unfortunately I have to live like this for the rest of my life.

The UCI Trauma Center is a liminal juncture populated by some of the most desperate people I've ever seen receiving care from cartoonishly beautiful, overworked young professionals. I spent most of my time there stranded in a hallway awaiting discharge. Picture this: it's 1 am, and there's me, the platonic ideal of a weepy millenial snowflake with his mommy; one bed up the hall, a cardboard cutout of a TV crook with a chiseled cop who could've been grown in a vat; and one bed up from there, a grizzled rockstar with his perfect girlfriend, 5-inch heels, beat for the gods, the sexiest person in the emergency room. I would have done anything for her. Meanwhile one of my electrodes had gotten stuck in my hair and was just sort of dangling there.

Speaking of electrodes, perhaps the most absurd thing of all happened while I was still hooked up to an EKG machine. I waited in distress for results of my CT scans, but my heart rate then did not cause it to beep. I cried as the doctor stapled my wound up, but my heart rate then did not cause it to beep. But then I talked to my mom about my problems with the 2021 Pixar cartoon Luca, and THAT spike in my heart rate caused the EKG machine to beep. Enrico Casarosa can officially join Julian Fellowes on my list of nemeses. Right below cars, I guess.

#don't rb this obviously #i already posted this on fb but i figured i should keep mutuals updated bc i care abt you guys #cw car accident #hit by a car blogging

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berrylover0571 · 1 year

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You don't hate feminism that utilizes a Marxist lens, you don't hate intersectional feminism, or black feminism, or feminist liberation, because feminist Liberation is equality.

It would be fucking comedic if it wasn't so tragic, how the ethics and video game journalism people just happened to ignore the ethical fucking dilemma and conflicts of interests that they had.

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virlath · 3 years

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The great betrayal

So far, we’ve only really heard what happened in ancient times based on Solas’ own words. But we also know that he speaks in half truths. His own dark legends as told by Felassan, his old friend, paints him as cunning and practiced in double-speak dark wisdom.

His MO is reminiscent of Imshael, a forbidden one who tricked Michel into releasing him (thereby reactivating the eluvian network, which was ultimately what Solas wanted). They both blur the line between spirit and demon and they both traverse the fade as if it is their home.

And I have to say, Solas’ version of events leading to Mythal’s death doesn’t add up.

He claims the precursor to the veil was the evanuris killing Mythal. Abelas reaffirms this version of events by specifically saying ‘the dread wolf had nothing to do with her murder. She was slain, if a god truly can be, by the people who also destroyed this temple’.

But at the end of the day, the only person who stood to gain the most from Mythal’s death was Fen’Harel and his slave rebellion, not the evanuris.

After all, the evanuris’ entire claim of divinity hinged on the claim that they were truly ‘immortal’.

"The gods, our Evanuris, claim divinity, yet they are naught but mortals powerful in magic who can die as you can. In this place, we teach those who join us to unravel their lies."

Based on ancient mosaics at Fen’Harel’s sanctuary, we can presume the evanuris knew the secret to ‘effective immortality’ by body hopping. I am assuming the method to do this is probably similar to Corypheus and his arch demon.

It seems that not many regular people knew of this secret however, which was why Solas took it upon himself to start his rebellion, expose their mortal flaws, and fight back against them to reclaim their freedom.

If the evanuris betrayed and killed Mythal as Solas says, they would have had to announce to everyone that the head of their pantheon, the goddess of love and protection, was dead and gone forever. But in doing so, they would also be exposing their own false divinity, revealing that they themselves can also be deposed.

According to Solas, Falon’Din started many wars to gain more worshippers. They likely started all these wars because the evanuris had the security of effective immortality. Their primary motive seems to gain more followers or slaves, rather than power over each other. In fact, Solas’ surprise at learning Corypheus also learned this secret proves it was not common knowledge even back in ancient Elvhenan.

So, knowing that the evanuris likely kept the secret of true immortality close to their chest, why would they want to off Mythal completely? Deposing her did not automatically mean they gained more power. Remember her killers destroyed her temple but left her well intact, and that was really where a lot of her power lay.

Maybe they were really were power hungry as he says, and mutinied against Mythal. Maybe they were poisoned by the void’s magic. Or maybe, they were manipulated by Fen’Harel to betray and kill her, to set an example and turn people against the false gods.

"The brand of the Evanuris can be lifted from you, that all may know you oppose their cruelties. None here are slaves. All are under our protection. All may choose to fight."

Fen’Harels sanctuary reveals his rebellion actually did attempt to try to fight against the gods. So imagine if Mythal, the head of the pantheon, was actually killed.

Mythal’s death would have sent a very clear message to the evanuris and everyone under their rule- the gods were not divine, and they were all mortals just as they were. This event would have been a huge turning of the tide for Fen’Harel’s rebellion to be honest.

I previously thought Solas and Mythal worked together in their rebellion, but maybe Solas was cunning enough to evade even her. Based on Cole’s dialogue, it wouldn’t be a surprise to learn he was also once a slave of Mythal’s (he left a scar when he burnt her off his face). And as to the reason why he doesn’t trust anyone? His distrust could simply be because he himself is the betrayer.

We can assume from DAI’s epilogue that Mythal and Solas were once close and Flemeth even calls him ‘old friend’. Perhaps Fen’Harel used his close relationship with Mythal as his shield, because the last person you expect to betray you is the person closest to you.

Just remember, an enemy can attack, but only an ally can betray you. Betrayal is always worse.

Solas does seem genuinely remorseful about everything and his dialogue with Cole indicates he created the veil to save them. Maybe the evanuris were on a trajectory to destroy the world by using their magic and their slaves in their endless wars. Orchestrating Mythal’s death could have been a big part of his rebellion- he needed to resort to drastic measures to send a clear message.

I did not lead a slave-rebellion against immortal mage-kings without getting my hands bloody

There is also the propaganda on the dread wolf we can find in trespasser:

The pages of this book-memory?-warn of a terrible danger, a wolf with slavering black jaws and pits for eyes. The Evanuris-the elven gods-stand in a ring around it, as if preventing it from attacking.

"Beware the forms of Fen'Harel! The Dread Wolf comes in humble guises, a wanderer who knows much of the People and their spirits. He will offer advice that seems fair, but turns slowly to poison. Remember the price of treason, and keep in your heart the mercy of your gods."

It’s been assumed that this propaganda was released by the evanuris to dissuade people from joining Fen’Harel’s rebellion. But a lot of it also rings true, and it is one of those codices that has bugged me for ages in how foreboding and ominous it is.

It has parallels to the inquisitor’s own journey. It has elements of Solas’ own MO. And it reveals that Fen’Harel potentially even manipulated the false gods themselves.

From the dev notes in DAI, he will kill anyone- even Flemeth. He killed Felassan, his old friend. He says in Tevinter Nights, he will kill anyone without hesitation if they stand in his way.

I think there is a lot of solid evidence of his underhanded tactics in the events leading to Mythal’s death. Maybe he persuaded her killers to leave the well intact so that she could come back as a new being and reclaim her power. As he says ‘his people do not die so easily’. Mythal’s death and creation of the veil could have even enabled the blight as we know it today...

Because as told by Flemeth, Mythal became a wisp, just like Solas’ wisdom spirit friend. Based on dialogue with him, he insinuates wisps grow and reform in the void, where its assumed the blight’s magic is based on.

Maybe his intention was to use Mythal as an example for his rebellion, but also attempt to reform her because she was his friend. But along the way, Mythal’s spirit corrupted into vengeance because she was ultimately betrayed by people she trusted.

If Mythal was Fen’Harel’s big sacrifice, it would also draw so many obvious symbolic parallels to Andraste, who as I’ve said before has a lot of suspicious links to Mythal. Remember Solas’ chess game with Bull in DAI? He sacrifices the queen in order to win the game.

This is of course all speculation and deduction- I don’t claim that Solas definitely betrayed Mythal. But from a story perspective, this would be an absolutely amazing plot twist, even bigger than the reveal of Solas being the dread wolf.

I mean....can you imagine that reveal in DA4?! It would explain so much of his regret and burden of guilt because Mythal was once his closest friend. On a thematic level the emphasis on power and sacrifice and revenge and forgiveness would all be there.

Fen’Harel being the betrayer but not the true killer but the orchestrator behind everything, completely embodying the trickster god trope...ahhh I just can’t stop thinking about this tbh.

#dragon age #da4 #da theories #solas #fen’harel #mythal #dread wolf rises #the evanuris #the great betrayal #elvhenan

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transsexualhamlet · 2 years

Note

Owari no seraph for the ask game!

ask game

hi hi hi!!!

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most):

Guren, probably. Compared to a lot of my other fandoms I honestly give most of the characters a fair chance, I write things for nearly every main character and a lot of side characters. But yeah, Guren's just. Guren's my guy. He's the blorbo. My dear departed husband who is a fictional war criminal

Runner up blorbos would probably be Yuu and Mika, though they just don't need any more attention since they're. Yknow. The main characters and tend to be overrated and mischaracterized so much it gets annoying! But they're mine and no one else is allowed to look at them except my beloved mutuals. Stop doing it

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped):

Asuramaru. Asuramaru my baby girl. I've always considered asuramaru transfem bc of the way that their presentation goes from shorter hair and plainer clothes in backstory to a literal dress and hair longer than their entire body even tho they're technically supposed to be a guy i just. I don't care. Asuramaru what a girlboss<3 The she<3 I get so much cuteness agression from that fucking idiot I want to rumple her hair and put her in the washing machine and give her blood snacky snacks

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave):

SHINOA MY GIRL AND YOICHI MY BOY. Yoichi my BOY he is literally my main kin in owari no seraph and I. Hgmghewihg. I'm a lil embarassed about that however. I hate how the fandom treats him because he's literally the most dangerous person on the squad like no fucking contest. He's the only one who figured out manifestation on his own, he's 10 times better at handling his demon than anyone else, his emotional control is off the CHARTS, he needs so much fucking therapy, I just. Dude. Did u guys forget about the whole. The. When chapter 51. Yoichi will get his time and you're all going to regret calling him an uwu baby when he does

And shinoa. I may not relate to her as heavily as I do with some of the others, but I want to rip her from kagami's cold dead hands and give her an article on comphet and also just. A hug. A long hug. She's a kid. She's the youngest one on the squad, I think. She's been given shit from the moment she was born and she has not had one fucking moment to be herself and yet she managed to have such a hilarious badass personality. She's also the same height as me and therefore we are siblings and she is me. I love Shinoa i lllvoe shnoia

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week): oh god I have. Several of these. So #1, Aiko. This girl

You know, the girl that gets one episode in battle of nagoya and then fucking dies. I, love her, she did nothing wrong, she deserves the world and she is so pretty. I also think she and Mito are kissing btw. Girlboss x girlboss.

Also. I think I win "obscure fave" because I was so adament not to make an actual oc that my other glup shitto is. I grabbed a guy who literally had a single throwaway line- not even his line, just mentioning him, and gave him a whole character arc and backstory.

This little guy here who gave Mika a death glare. I just realized now that I looked at this again he's calling the name dai. I thought HE was Dai. Well he's Dai now, who else is gonna correct me? Him and the kid Ferid dropped (who i named florian) are heavily featured in my giant ons rewrite as GIANT plot devices, given their own arcs, and used to further the arcs of Crowley and Mika especially, and to give a current insider's perspective of Ferid's Child Trafficking Business. Dai is actually a spy for the demon army in my fic, it's... yknow, I'd better not just start rambling I never even actually wrote half of their stuff but I love them dearly.

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave):

God, both Mika and Guren fit here perfectly.

It's soooo funny how most Guren stans nowadays are some version of Mika antis, and most Mika stans nowadays are some form of Guren antis. I love them both and they're both my horrible terrible fucked up poor little meow meows. On an intellectual level both of them did SO many things wrong but also your honor. They did nothing wrong. Shoves the catastrophe behind my back. They have so many issues to work out I DESPISE them /pos but if anyone else says a SINGLE WORD against them they're catching my hands

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason):

I loooooooove torturing guren it is my absolute favorite activity I love putting him in the guren plinko over and over like beast dazai i love watching him suffer and be in pain it's so fun because he's my favorite and i love him. Also though god what I would do to make him happy

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell): Ferid. He's the reason i'm homophobic /j BUT SERIOUSLY ISTG I AM GOING TO PUNT THAT MAN INTO THE FUCKING ABYSS I LOVED WATCHING HIM BURN ON THE STAKE WHY'D THEY HAVE TO TAKE HIM OFF I LOVED WATCHING HIM GET CARRIED AROUND AS A SEVERED HEAD WHY'D HE HAVE TO GET HIS DECREPIT ASS BODY BACK

im going to create another one because I think it's funny: Blorbo-In-Law (character you know and like but aren't the expert on, however one or more friends does in fact legally own this character): Shinya. I like shinya just fine, I love shinya, but he's just not the kind of guy I can relate to nearly as much as guren and I know some of my beloved mutuals just know him so much better. But I know Shinya has a strong, dedicated fandom who is absolutely giving their lives for that man on the daily. Like. He gets NOTHING and I feel so fucking sorry for u guys lol

i WENT OFF on this one didn't i

#rowan gets yelled at #ask game #owari no seraph

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sebbybooks · 3 years

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Wreck My Daydream

Part Two

Sebastian Stan x Fanfiction

18+

Tagged🎄

@wayward-mikaelson

Cataglottism

(n.) kissing with tongue

I’m already wet and Sebastian barely even touched me.

I hardly gave myself a moment to be ashamed or even stir in the crass words I was using even if I had only thought them. Like a diary I suppose there was no need to lie to myself considering it was one hundred percent true. I, Nellie Lennox, was unabashedly met with unending desires that washed away my trepidations that led up to this moment.

In its place I felt this newfound sense of possibilities that I wasn’t actually making an ass out of myself with my sudden confession of feelings for Sebastian. In my defense I didn’t just wake up one morning after having some epiphany as to why I wanted to be with him. The thought of us together made itself at home in the back of my mind.

Almost like a what if. . .

However, I couldn’t help but be terrified of all the ways it could go wrong. What if I had made things weird between us forcing us apart? Life would be a bitter existence if Sebastian wasn’t around in some capacity. For the longest time I tried to find him in different relationships. It is a messed up philosophy, but it almost worked. Whenever things would get too serious it nearly terrified me. I was their someday and they were my maybe. I owed this last relationship that is still so freshly cut more than that.

I owed myself that.

On the unique and rare chance I somehow got lost in a very realistic maladaptive daydream, I’m pretty certain Sebastian wants this too. Just thinking about what he had told me seconds ago made my heartbeat drum to a dizzy rhythm. Imagining myself getting fucked to the beat of it was a completely different type of sensation.

Retraining my focus on the now I could see it in Sebastian’s face all the wheels going around in his head. Confusion? Uncertainty? Regret?

“You don’t get to do that.” I tell him. I felt like I was going to climb out of my own skin if he left me suspended in the silence for a second longer. Sebastian tipped his face closer to mine, our lips gingerly brushing against each other. Perhaps he was feeling ambivalent in regards of his feelings for me? After all this was sprung on him in the middle of the night.

Sebastian shook his head as if he was at war with himself. “I want to.” His voice was strained and dangerously low, like something was causing him utter misery being this close, yet not knowing exactly when to pull away.

“Then why don’t you.” I dared him.

I was growing impatient with this slow burn we had somehow started. I wanted to play with this fire. If I got burned in the end by his touch then so be it. At least I would forever be marked with a reminder of knowing that I at least went after something I wanted with no apology. I wanted to see how far he was willingly to go.

Sebastian removed his hand from the security of being wrapped around me. I feigned a disappointed sigh at the lack of contact. My entire body must have been on autopilot , because I didn’t recognize the position I was in. I practically sat in his lap with one leg wrapped around him and the other one mindlessly dangling over the bed. Of course the mind reader that Sebastian was naturally grabbed ahold of the side of my thigh and wrapped it around his back.

It wasn’t like I was naive to sex or never had my fair share of romantic conquest. Regardless of my experiences I still felt like a gigantic ball of nerves. The way he stared down at me with a heated look in his eyes as if he wanted to posses every inch of me. Hell, I felt like I could come undone from that alone.

The hand that was planted on my back slowly drifted downward trailing the curve of my backside gripping my ass through my thinly silk hunter green shorts that matched the top. Earlier I had berated myself for wearing scantly clad pajamas to bed. Now I am thanking my lucky stars I opted out of the option of wearing a red Christmas onesie that had polar bears wearing scarfs around their necks. They were ones my mother insisted the whole family wear.

If I had I probably would not have been able to feel his erection that was restrained in his sweatpants. Trying to situate myself closer I rocked into him slightly, massaging myself on him. My ears didn’t miss the subtle groan Sebastian let out from the feel of my weight pressing further into him.

His silence wasn’t lost on me and he still hadn’t answered my question so I did it again. I wanted him to say something. My nervousness abated at this point. I twined my arms around his neck, grinding myself against him again and again. All the while Sebastian watched my every movement with a hint of a star struck look in his eyes. The feeling was certainly mutual I was even shocking myself at my behavior.

“Nellie,” Sebastian finally says, voice husky. He usually only ever calls me by my nickname so I was more than sure that he was not fully himself.

“I’m a big girl Sebastian I can handle whatever you need to say.” I tell him, holding in my breath.

“Alright,” he said with uncertainty. “You and me, this, it’s not a good idea.” His tone was barely audible and even more so he sounded hurt. Everything in me froze.

“And why is that?” I asked him more confused than ever. Suddenly feeling absolutely self conscious as I over analyzed every intimate word I just shared with him. I was even more horrified by the fact that I was dry humping my best friend.

He let out a darkly laugh. “It’s pretty damn obvious Nells.” Sebastian says rather ominously.

“...It’s not actually.” For someone that wants nothing out of this, Sebastian was holding on to me like an anchor and I on the other hand just wanted to get away and sink.

Admittedly, I was losing this game of tug a war. There was only so much I was willing to endure even I had my limits. “You’re giving me whiplash Sebastian .” I tell him honestly, “ I’m not like those other girls you go for that are satisfied with you just dangling yourself in front of them like a piece of cake that I can’t have. I meant what I said when I told you I didn’t say it just to hear you say the same.” My voice could only rise so high in pitch.

I definitely didn’t want to wake up the upstairs guest that would love nothing more than to recap this conversation over breakfast. Then like an unexpected bolt of lighting startling you from a distance, Sebastian kissed me.

Sebastian

I am a selfish bastard.

My mind fell quiet when I looked at her. I wanted to swim in the serenity and peacefulness that was this smart, vibrant, sexy, and uniqueness this woman possessed. I only wondered even in the darkness could Nellie see my eyes as plainly as I can see hers. If so could she see the shame reflecting in them? I could feel the nagging weight of my conscience siting on both of my shoulders, arguing back and forth over what I should and shouldn’t do. It was kind of ironic that the devil in my ear insisted that I give in to the angel in my lap.

God knows I waited for her and that I would keep waiting if I had to in this lifetime or the next. It was always going to be Nellie for me. I wanted to tell her all of this, but the longer I held on to this slice of heaven I was given during this random hour. I also knew that this moment was fleeting. I basked in the way she looked at me, the way she held on to me like I was an object of virtue. I also got a sample of what it would be like to lose her the second she began to slip away on her own accord. So, I did what any poor fool would do in my position. I kissed her.

It wasn’t exactly suave or how I imagined it would go. My mouth sort of crushed against her unmoving lips in a rushed and unskilled manner. Frankly, I wasn’t sure what I was doing, I certainly could do a hell of a lot better than this. An yet, it was still like I predicted it would be, filled with pure unadulterated pleasure. Nellie’s lips were sweet and warm, exactly how I imagined forbidden fruit to taste like.

A perfect mixture of firm and softness that drove me wild. She flattened her hands on my bare chest as if to brace herself. Nellie pushed herself away, but her face was still so close to me. She didn’t speak and neither could I. I forced myself to look up at her and hoped that she could see I would do everything in my power to earn her forgiveness. That it was a mistake I will make right somehow.

“Nell,” I let out an exasperated breath. “ I have a need for you that goes deeper than just lust and I know that it will never truly be sated. The killer thing is I’m already at risk of losing you before I even had you.”

Nellie stared hazily up at me.“You already have me.” She whispered, our lips still grazing. Those four simple words set off a firework in me. This time when I kissed her our mouths came together like we needed to feed off of each other’s oxygen in order to survive. I’d suffer if I didn’t have it.

My mouth was greedy for hers, and I could imagine she felt the same. The moment I felt her lips slightly part open to let me in, less than a second our tongues slid together in a torrid and sensually slow pace. We kissed like a couple of eager teenagers. My heart threatened to leap from my chest when the tip of Nell’s tongue moved across my bottom lip. She tastes like gingerbread , mixed with some other divine flavor that I can only assume is Nellie. She arched herself closer into my chest and I could feel the points of her hardened nipples through her top. I seized the opportunity to press her body close because I needed more.

I wanted to feel the heat of her soft skin on mine. She returned her arms back around my neck tightly holding me in place as she angled her head kissing me back with the same ferocity. Deeply, and oh so thoroughly by the way she sucked on my tongue. I had a rough grip on her ass keeping Nellie steady as she straddled me. I was so damn hard for her. If my dick could get even harder it was bound to. Nellie did that thing again where she grinds down on my erection and I cursed at myself to not combust. I grabbed ahold of her hips guiding her to move faster, harder.

I kept telling myself to savor her, fucking take my time with this moment. I couldn’t just rip those tiny little shorts off and sink myself into her over and over until we’ve both had enough. But even then I would always need more of her. I wasn't a sentimental man, with Nellie I at least wanted to try. I wanted my first night with Nell to be a little less spontaneous than this. It wasn’t like I came prepared for festivities filled with endless fucks. Plus the added fact I couldn’t let things get too carried away especially since she still didn’t know what I have done.

Yeah, I am a very selfish bastard.

I didn’t want this to end. I wanted my mouth to explore every single part of Nellie. I wanted the taste of her to live on my tongue. I wanted to go as far as she and my consciousness would allow me.

“I need to touch you.” I panted, between every nip and kiss I left on the delicate area of skin under her jaw.

“You’re already touching me.” She says with a soft laugh, which was a melody to my ears. I was but at the same time I wasn’t. I needed to rid Nellie of any barrier that prevented me from branding her skin with my touch.

“This…off.” I tug gently on the bottom of her tank top before returning my hands to rest on her thighs, caressing them as I sucked on her neck for dear life. Going back and forth between grazing her neck with my teeth then licking over the area to soothe any imprint I’ve left.

Nellie crisscrossed her arms reaching for the hem of her top gracefully pulling it over her head. She purposely fell backwards onto the mattress aiming her shirt at my face. For as long as I’ve known Nell she was never one to be shy in her own skin.

“Imagine how unsexy that would have been if I hit my head on the headboard.”

“As long as you didn’t hurt yourself I would have just pretended that I didn’t see a thing.” I teased.

“Ah, to think they wonder where all of the good men have gone.” Nell scrunched up her nose pretending to be lost in critical thought.

I cock my head to the side. “Mm-hmm. Are you mocking me?”

“What if I am?”Her plump wet lips spread into a smile.

It was miracle I caught a word of what she said to me. I swallowed a groan as my eyes drift over the area of her body that was naked from the waist up. Nellie was clearly a stolen painting from the Louvre that I had no intention of returning. All I could do was stare.

With her legs still draped around me, my hands slide up the curve of her torso passing her ribs. I sensed that she was watching me, but I didn’t dare take my eyes off of her just yet. The pads of my fingers traced over to her breast and my mouth practically watered at the sight of them. She was ethereal.

“Don’t suddenly go mute on me Sebastian.” She let out a shaky breath.

I’ve heard her say my name a thousand times. Hearing her say it in this state created a feeling of warmth that filled my chest. I could only begin to imagine the different ways I wanted to hear her call out my name. My gift, my best friend, my Nellie. Those last words had a sting to them even as I thought them. Deep down I knew that was never going to be true.

I eased all the way down my tongue traveling around the dip of her navel. Creating a path up the center of her abdomen. I knew that Nell was extremely ticklish. The slightest form of contact would automatically turn her into a ninja. From the way she was pressing herself back into the mattress I knew she was trying her hardest not to flee. Of course I found it rather enticing so I made sure to spend extra time over the areas of her exposed skin I knew to be the most sensitive. Brushing the tip of my nose between her breast my mouth finally latched on to what I’ve been waiting for.

“So fucking beautiful.” I say as I graze my mouth over the stiff peak of her nipple. I was in awe over the ability that they simultaneously could feel hard yet felt extremely soft. I dragged the tip of my tongue around the bud of it in a languid movement before sucking it in deep. I loved listening to the sounds she made while I sucked and devoured as much as I could fit into my mouth. I wanted to hear a symphony of the noises that escaped from Nellie.

Going for one after the other not wanting to miss out on either. Nellie kept a limp hand pressed into my hair keeping me close as if I dared to stop.

Writhing underneath me Nellie gasped,“Touch me.”

Now she understood what I meant. My own body felt betrayed by my decision. I literally ached from pain and pleasure. Truthfully I wouldn’t opt for a better scenario than this. I would be more than gratified with giving Nellie an orgasm or two.

Still leaving featherlight kisses across her chest. With one hand I reach down and brushed along the dip of Nellie’s hip, then began to tug away at her shorts. To my surprise she was bare underneath. This was a new and uncharted territory we were crossing.

Tell me to stop, say that this is just the wrong time, tell me we would never work. Those words never escaped me, the sound of the goddamn doorbell intervened for her. My movements hesitated then shortly I picked up on inaudible chattering out in the hall. Nellie turned her head in the direction towards the door which I hoped like hell was locked. “Maybe we should go see what’s going on.” Her eyes widened.

“Or we could stay here and not shame the fact that I was two seconds away from wrapping your legs around my face while I tasted the slickness between your thighs. ” Nellie released a ragged breath and I meant every word.

To my dissatisfaction we were composed in under three minutes. I felt a strange sense of comfort and pride seeing that ever so often I’d catch Nellie looking in my direction smiling like she had some big secret she was bursting to tell. Which only made me feel like an even bigger asshole. The walk downstairs was surprisingly noisy. Someone had plugged the Christmas tree back up and there was a chilly wind breaking in as the front door came to an immediate shut.

Nellie’s parents were both moving around in a fast pace trying to find new spots to put a couple of suitcases. I had to swallow down a chuckle at the sight of their bold choice of pajamas. Nellie had already beaten me to the bottom of the staircase just as I rounded the corner of the spiral stairs.

“Cousin!” Vanessa squealed rushing over towards Nellie, who excitedly embraced her the same. They exchanged a few excitable words to each other that I tuned out. I was busy focusing on the six foot son of a bitch with a puppy dog expression on his face standing awkwardly behind them.

“Now you know Nells Bells you can’t have Christmas without good ole St. Nicholas can you?” She winked at a stone faced Nellie who just looked straight ahead at her ex boyfriend Nick. “I hope it’s okay I brought him over with me. I saw him at the airport dozed off in a chair.” Vanessa whispered as she leaned into Nell, like she just earned a gold star. Soon as Vanessa’s wild dark brown eyes caught ahold me I knew my bubble was about to pop.

“Something told me I was off the naughty list this year.” Vanessa bit at her glossed up lips and made a beeline towards me, wrapping her arms around my waist. She smelled like an overtly sweet perfume that tortured my sinuses. “Did you forget how to work a phone or what? I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for days. I miss you.” She cooed.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Nellie watching the two of us. This was my punishment.

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