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numinousmysteries · 3 months

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Legacy

This goes AU post-Je Souhaite. Kind of an expansion of what I was exploring in this post on how Mulder and Scully could have had a satisfying ending without children.

[on Ao3] @today-in-fic

Mulder told her to never give up on a miracle. He was right in the end although their miracle wasn’t a child but something far more rare: Two discordant souls coming together to create a union stronger than the sum of its parts.

Once in a Los Angeles hotel room, champagne bubbles fizzing in her mind, Scully whispered in his ear, “I wish we could make a baby this way.”

He froze. He was on top of her, buried deep inside her, his body enveloping hers, and his abrupt pause made her gasp.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean—”

“Shh,” he soothed her. Shifting to balance on one hand, he used the other to tuck a shock of auburn hair behind her ear. “I wish we could, too.”

She tilted her chin up to meet his eyes. He kissed her hard and started moving within her again. If yearning and conviction were strong enough to overcome biological reality, they would have easily sparked life on that plush king bed with its 1,000-thread count sheets. Alas, science defeated faith. She cringed at the irony of wishing for a different outcome, and hoped he wouldn't blame her for not believing enough.

Arriving at the hotel room after midnight and tipsier than either of them had been in years, they neglected to close the blackout curtains. The harsh sunlight woke her far too early the next morning. A pounding in her head and an acidic churn in her stomach weighed down the buoyant rosiness of the previous night.

He stirred alongside her. Both of their bodies were damp and sticky with sweat. The air conditioner kicked on and she felt goose pimples rising on her flesh.

“Morning,” he whispered, squeezing her tighter against him.

Last night, she felt as if she couldn’t get close enough to him. In the backseat of the car on the way back from the movie premiere, her hands were on his chest, his thighs, the bulge in his lap, as his tongue probed her mouth and she inhaled his heady blend of aftershave, cologne, and natural musk. She couldn’t remember how they shed their clothing, just her evening gown and his tux falling away as their bodies sought contact.

In the morning, though, she craved to be alone. Not to escape him, but to run from the implication of her words.The alcohol had smudged certain details of the evening but she remembered what she said to him about conceiving a child. And, as much as she wished he didn’t, she knew he had to as well.

With her head on his sternum, she felt him clearing his throat.

“I know we never really talked about it, the IVF, afterwards,” he started. “But if that’s still something you want, I would want it, too.”

“There’s not going to be another round of IVF,” she said, her voice raspy. “No more ova, remember?”

“I didn’t mean that specifically,” he said. They’d been intimate for months but this was the one topic they still danced around with their old, overly formal remoteness. “I meant having a child another way. There are donor eggs, surrogacy, adoption—”

“I know,” she cut him off. “It’s still so raw, though.”

“I understand,” he said. He kissed the top of her head and she realized they were both crying. “But I want you to know I’m open to any of it. If and when you’re ever ready.”

“Thank you,” she said. “I appreciate that.”

And yet, weeks turned to months and she never felt ready to face another loss. She still dreamt of little girls with her hair and his bottom lip; little boys with his nose and her eyes. But the pain lessened as time went on. Once she let him in, she felt less alone. Together, their lives felt full.

II.

She knew he hadn’t been close to his mother, but after Teena’s death—and the concurrent shift in their relationship—she made more of an effort to involve him with her family. At first, he resisted. She suspected he feared being an imposition or, worse, a tangible reminder of all his quest had taken away from her and her family. She could meet his stubbornness with her own, though, and in the end he couldn’t turn her down.

They began with casual dinners at her mother’s and, just short of a year into their relationship, she managed to convince him to fly with her to Bill’s for Christmas. Matthew, nearly three, had been joined by a younger sister, Caitlin, only a few months old on their first visit. With Caitlin in her arms, Scully shifted her gaze between the unbroken peace of the infant’s sleeping face and Mulder’s worried facade. With her widest smile and honest eyes she attempted wordlessly conveying to him that she was truly happy. No one offered the baby to Mulder to hold and he didn’t volunteer. For that, she felt thankful. As content as she was, she wasn’t ready to face the image of what might have been.

They visited more frequently over the years, becoming regular fixtures in her nephew and niece’s lives. They went to kindergarten graduations, birthday parties, little league games, and dance recitals. When the kids were a little older, they took them out for the day, just the four of them, to the zoo, the aquarium, the beach.

Bill was a football fan but his son preferred the slower, cerebral rhythm of baseball.

“Good,” Bill said, eyeing Mulder on the couch discussing the Padres odds of making it into the playoffs with Matthew. “You can watch this with him. It’s too boring for me.”

And Mulder did, for hours at a time even though it wasn’t his team. The boy’s wonder and curiosity in the game mattered more than who won or lost. He saw so much of Scully in her nephew’s precocious, methodical nature. Matthew even corrected his math.

Everyone else was surprised by how good Mulder was with the kids, but she never had doubts. She’d seen him on cases interacting with children at the worst possible moments of their lives—after losing a parent or a sibling, or witnessing a heinous crime—but he always approached them with respect, kindness, and patience. Knowing what it was like to feel alone and misunderstood, he gave them the space they needed.

Aware of her infertility, her family knew better than to whisper to her that he’d be a wonderful father, but that didn't stop her from hearing the words reverberate in her own mind. But they were merely echoes bouncing off the cold walls of a barren canyon. Unable to find purchase, they dissipated and faded away into the ether.

It was only once when a three-year-old Caitlin became inconsolable for reasons that were impossible for adult minds to decipher and would only accept comforting from her mother that Scully felt the emptiness in her arms as she handed the toddler over to Tara.

An hour later, the girl’s mood lifted just as mysteriously as it fell and she was eager to show her aunt her Barbie doll’s new wardrobe. Scully sat cross legged on the floor switching out outfits for so long that her legs fell asleep and Mulder had to help her up. As he lifted her to stand, he softly kissed her neck, just beneath her ear.

Once, Tara was even able to wrangle the kids on her own when Bill was at sea, and they flew out to DC to visit. They stayed at her mother’s—Scully’s apartment that she now shared with Mulder was too small to house them all—but Mulder and Scully spent nearly every waking moment with Matthew and Caitlin. The city they walked every day took on a new tint through the children’s excited eyes. Who knew there were so many interactive exhibits at the National Air and Space Museum? That the pizza place on her block threw in candy with your order if you picked up a child’s size pie?

They fell into bed exhausted but giggling over the silly comments the kids had entertained them with each day.

Their visit ended with airport hugs and kisses. As they returned to their car in the parking lot, she felt a sinking sense of guilt.

“You could have this for real, you know,” she said. “With someone else.”

For an instant, their roles reversed and he looked at her like she’d lost her mind. “It’s only you,” he vowed. “You and me. Forever.”

As jet planes soared above them bringing families together or drawing them apart, he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. This was family, too, she knew. Two hearts that had found each other.

III.

The only time she ever felt glad they weren’t able to have children was when they learned the date of colonization. She’d already seen one daughter’s life cut short by the work of these horrible men and she couldn’t watch another die. If the IVF had worked, their child would only barely have made it to its teenage years.

By the time they learned the date, they only had five years left to fight. To thwart their efforts, their enemies had them both framed for crimes and they became fugitives. Cut off from the resources of the bureau and even the power to use their own names, their struggle intensified, but they never gave up.

The Gunmen helped them go deep underground. For years, they exchanged old fake identities for new ones and took up disposable backstories in dozens of nameless towns across the country. Once either of them picked up even a passing whiff of threat, they’d pack their bags and leave one life behind for the next. She thanked God she didn’t have to force a child to live like this.

In another life, these would have been the years she devoted to bedtime stories, school pickups, and soccer practices. Instead, she spent them corresponding with others in the resistance through encrypted emails sharing research findings and making plans.

With a year to go, she finally developed a promising vaccine formulation using samples of the extraterrestrial virus stolen from a syndicate lab by a scientist sympathetic to their cause. She tested her inoculation on mice and stray dogs. All the creatures showed immunity.

Mulder insisted on being her first human test subject.

“Absolutely not,” she argued. “You were exposed to the virus in that gulag. There’s no way to know how either the vaccine or this particular strain of contagion would interact with your existing antibodies. Besides, the resistance can’t afford to lose you. I can’t afford to lose you.”

Ultimately, Frohiked stepped up.

“I’m the eldest,” he said, when the five of them met up. “I have the least time remaining.”

The rest of them started to dispute but he waved his hands to cut them off.

“I’m disposable,” he continued. “Scully’s the only one with the medical know-how, Mulder’s got his connections and that spooky sixth sense that’ll come in handy. Byers’s has the bland face of comforting authority that’ll convince everyone to line up for this wacky new shot, and Langly’s a decent enough hacker to break down all the digital fortresses you’ll need to penetrate.”

“This better not be some ploy to get me to admit your kung fu is so far superior to mine that we can’t possibly lose you,” Langly deadpanned.

“Not a chance, hippie,” Frohike huffed. “It’s just that you’re allergic to bees so we all know the anaphylaxis would take you out long before the virus had a chance.”

So he rolled up his sleeve and let her give him the injection. She waited for a crude joke as she swabbed his deltoid with alcohol and then depressed the plunger of the syringe, but Frohike remained serious and stoic. He’d been a good friend to them over the years and she didn’t underestimate him.

They waited two weeks for the vaccine to take effect, and then she tested his antibodies. According to her research, his levels appeared high enough to fend off the virus. They locked him in the basement of a rural home they’d rented with a reliable Wi-Fi connection, a week’s worth of food and water, and a hive of genetically engineered Africanized honey bees.

Stung to shit, he texted the rest of them later that night.

Any symptoms? Scully wrote.

All copacetic so far, he responded. My faith in the good doctor remains.

Godspeed, Byers replied.

A week later, they unlocked the basement door. With the exception of scattered pink welts from the bee stings that had already begun to heal, he emerged unscathed. No gelatinous tissue. No gestating alien.

“Dr. Scully,” he said, grinning. “Your patient lives.”

Byers and Langly whooped and applauded.

Mulder kissed her on the forehead. “I knew you could do it,” he said. There might be hope after all.

Scully argued they had to find a way to deliver the vaccine surreptitiously, that no one would believe their claims of an upcoming alien invasion. But Mulder insisted it had to be a choice. That if they inoculated the population without consent, they’d be no better than the syndicate of men who secretly carried out their tests on unwilling, innocent citizens for decades. Although she feared his plan would result in unnecessary death, she didn’t deny he was in the right morally.

As word of a successful vaccine spread, more and more scientists defected from the syndicate to join the resistance. Mulder and Scully never fully trusted them, wary that they’d found their consciences a little too late, but still welcomed the information they had to offer. They mapped where the bees would be released and charted the timeline of the ships’ arrivals.

In the months leading up to the date, Scully became the public face of the resistance, using her scientific background and medical credentials to plead their case and insist on widespread vaccine uptake. She published their old case reports, not sparing the public any of the gory imagery of what laid ahead if they failed to act.

Miraculously, it worked. Enough of the populace accepted the vaccine that, paired with a syndicate significantly weakened by the resistance, they were able to ward off the invasion. The ships were picked up on radar systems but they must have been able to detect their accomplices’ failure on the ground and they quickly reversed course.

Mulder and Scully’s names were cleared and they were lauded as heroes after spending years as outlaws.

As they sat on their porch and watched the sun set on that unseasonably warm but otherwise unremarkable December evening, the old emptiness threatened to temper the joy of victory.

“Our children could have had a future,” she said.

“Scully, you gave all the children a future.”

He leaned in to kiss her. The world didn’t end.

IV.

Life went on, which meant its shadow, death, kept up its work as well. It didn’t feel fair that she only got to enjoy a few more years with her mother after they were free to come out of hiding, but at least Maggie Scully maintained her sharp mind until the very end.

Only in these last few days, on a steady morphine drip to ease her transition into the next world, did the loving relatives streaming in to visit her bedside start blurring together.

“You’re such a good mother,” she said to Scully, after spending an afternoon with her, Matthew, and Caitlin. “You’ve raised them so well.”

Scully didn’t have the heart to correct her, to remind her that these were Bill and Tara’s children, not her own. So she smiled and kissed the thin skin on her mother’s brow.

“I learned from you,” she said.

Her life was rich, even without children. She had Mulder, her extended family, and her work. She didn’t know if her mother would ever understand that, so she let her die believing her daughter was happy in a way that she could comprehend.

After his stroke, she knew they didn't have much time left together. He was still the same man she met and fell in love with so long ago, still possessed his wit and encyclopedic memory of all things paranormal, only operated at a slightly slower frequency.

So it didn’t surprise her when she woke up one morning and his body was next to her, but he was gone. She had nearly lost him so many times over the years, but when it finally happened she felt oddly at peace. He had lived a long life. He had been vindicated, defeated his enemies, and even saved the world. They had spent decades at each other’s side, the intensity of their love never fading. Still, a lifetime together was not enough time.

She wanted to stay in the house, it was theirs after all, but it became harder and harder to keep up on her own. Caitlin offered for her to come live with her and her husband in Southern California. Their own children were all grown up and on their own, so they had plenty of room for her. She liked the idea of returning to the Pacific of her youth, so she agreed and began clearing out the house.

They didn’t have much. There was no fortune, no priceless family heirlooms, but there was neat, lawyer-signed paperwork dividing what they did have between Matthew, Caitlin, and their children. She was glad to help them in some way, however small.

She didn’t mind getting rid of their belongings. Her childhood as an itinerant Navy brat and her years on the run with Mulder had taught her not to value material things. But then there were the files. Their life’s work, cataloged in dozens of cabinets in their home office. Their true legacy.

A few weeks before moving, she got the email.

Dear Dr. Scully,

My name is Tegan Marks and I’m a special agent with the FBI. I read about your husband’s recent passing and I wanted to express my sincere condolences. I must admit that I’ve long been an admirer of both of you, ever since learning of your work in preventing the alien colonization of 2012.

As you know, the X-Files division has been closed since you and Agent Mulder departed from the bureau. However, that hasn’t stopped reports of unexplained phenomena from coming in. We just don’t have a unit or any resources devoted to investigating them. While I’m currently assigned to the violent crimes section, I’ve petitioned my supervisors to reopen the X-Files and they’ve been receptive.

In order to establish a thorough database of this type of phenomena and its history, I was hoping to access your files to scan and digitize. I would happily return the physical copies to you once I’m done.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Best, Special Agent Tegan Marks

Scully replied that Agent Marks was welcome to come and pick up the files anytime, no need to return them.

She showed up excitedly a week later. She was so young—probably no older than Scully was the day she was assigned to the X-Files herself—and so full of passion and curiosity. If aliens had colonized the planet in 2012, Agent Marks never would have been born. Scully led her to the home office where wall to wall filing cabinets held the secrets of her life’s work.

“Oh wow,” Marks said, surveying the office. “I think this is more than I can fit in my car. I might have to make a few trips.”

“Take as much time as you need,” Scully said.

“And I’m happy to bring them back once I’ve digitized them.”

“No,” Scully stopped her. “Please, keep them. They belong with someone who will put them to use.”

Scully watched as Marks hauled folder after folder to her car. She loaded the backseat and trunk to the brim but had barely reached the M’s for Mothmen.

“I don’t know how to thank you for this,” she said.

“I should be thanking you,” Scully said. “I know nothing would make my husband happier than to know that these were with someone who wanted to carry on our legacy. Before you head back, would you like to join me for some coffee or tea?”

“Tea would be lovely,” Marks said and followed her back into the kitchen.

“I’m honestly glad you reached me when you did,” Scully said as she boiled the kettle. “I’m in the process of downsizing and I didn’t know what to do with all of these.”

“Well, I’m glad I got in touch,” said Marks. “I’m looking forward to diving into these.”

“I can’t believe they’re reopening the X-Files after all these years.” Scully shook her head. “Do you have a partner?”

“I’m in the process of selecting someone now. It’s been challenging, though.”

Scully nodded, indicating for her to go on.

“Well, I’m obviously very open-minded about the paranormal but not many other agents are. I imagine this work would be much easier with a fellow believer.”

“Hmm,” Scully said, pausing to sip her tea. “You might be surprised. Mulder and I rarely saw eye-to-eye on our cases but I think that challenging each other is what made us such a good team. Just make sure you find someone you actually enjoy disagreeing with.”

“Thanks for the advice,” Marks said. “Although I don’t think partnerships like that are all that common.”

“No,” Scully said, smiling. “I don’t suppose they are.”

After they finished their tea, Scully saw the younger woman to the door and watched as she drove away; their legacy in good hands.

#xfiles #txf #msr #xf fanfic #the x files #xfiles fanfic #x files

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mikajio · 6 months

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Isolated.

Angst, Mountain Ghoul, Phantom Ghoul, Phantom/Aeon is just a poor baby.

TW: mention of suic1de & choking.

extra: english is not my first language so there might be grammatical errors.

this is my first time posting here so pls be nice to me, i have no skill in writing but here i am because i love pain and i love phantom

A new arrival named Phantom has been thrust into a peculiar and disorienting existence. Summoned to fill the void left by the departed ghoul, Phantom finds himself grappling with a sense of isolation and despair as he navigates the cold, unwelcoming reception of his fellow ghouls and ghoulettes.

After Aether had departed for his duties on the other side, another ghoul would be taking his place. This newcomer went by the name of Phantom. He had been summoned just a week ago, and upon his arrival, the others greeted and welcomed him. Phantom felt a shiver run down his spine as he emerged from the pit. The pit had been an exhausting experience, and he had held onto the hope that he would finally reach the topside, which he had now.

However, even as he stood in this new world, something felt amiss. A sense of heartache washed over him, as if he didn't truly belong here. The day he was summoned, something had been off. He had been welcomed with words, but it felt insincere. Now he couldn't help but notice the way every ghoul and ghoulette regarded him, their expressions a mix of sadness, frustration, anger, and annoyance.

Phantom stared at the wall in his bedroom, reflecting on the day he was summoned. One particular ghoul had regarded him with disgust, seething anger, and a clear disdain for the new ghoul who would be taking Aether's place. His disgust wasn't limited to his eyes; it encompassed his entire face, directed at the replacement of Aether.

Tears welled up in Phantom's eyes as he wondered, Why is he like this?

"It's just my thoughts; I'm overthinking this too much. I should just go to sleep and rest," he told himself. "We'll grow closer each day, i'm sure we all will."

The next morning, Phantom's alarm sounded at 6:50 A.M. He groaned, remembering the upcoming 7:30 A.M. breakfast together with the ghouls and ghoulettes. He felt exhausted from the emotional turmoil of the previous night. As he got dressed in his uniform and donned his mask, he couldn't help but wonder why the others had started breakfast without waiting for him.

Phantom brushed it off, acknowledging that he wasn't yet close to the others in the pack. He summoned a smile and greeted them, saying, "Uh, hey, guys."

Phantom took a seat beside Aurora, another new member of the pack. But as he adjusted his chair, Aurora moved away from him. Phantom noticed her reaction and mumbled an apology. Aurora responded with a scoff, resuming her conversation with the others, leaving Phantom feeling isolated.

Even though he was surrounded by people who were supposed to make him feel at home, he felt profoundly alone. This irony stung. He longed for the pit, the dark and depressing place that was still preferable to this emotional isolation. There, he could relate to others and express his true emotions without fear of judgment.

Feeling uncomfortable, Phantom left the kitchen without a word. Nobody asked where he was going, further emphasizing his sense of isolation. When he reached his room, Phantom's legs gave way, and he sank to the floor, sobbing. His chest heaved, and he realized that his thoughts from the previous night were coming true.

As he gasped for air and tried desperately to muffle his sobs, Phantom became aware of the coldness in the room. He felt an immense pain in his chest as sadness engulfed him, leaving him with no chance of escape. Desperate to silence his cries, an idea crossed his mind—choking himself to reduce noise and, perhaps, end his misery.

He clutched his neck and began to choke himself. A whimper of struggle escaped, but it was quieter than his sobs. Phantom felt the room spinning and distorting. It seemed like his plan was working. He wanted to die, but he questioned the selfishness of his act. He had just been summoned, and now he was attempting to end his own life. Phantom couldn't help but think that this was his only way to find peace.

As Phantom's limbs weakened and he teetered on the brink of unconsciousness, a faint smile graced his face. But just before losing consciousness, he let out a loud, choked whimper. In a moment of clarity, he remembered that no ghoul or ghoulette cared about him.

Phantom's laughter, weak and despairing, was accompanied by fresh tears streaming down his cheeks. Hyperventilation seized him once more, making it feel like a never-ending nightmare. It was a torment he couldn't escape.

He had believed that it was finally going to end, and a fleeting sense of happiness washed over him as his mind went blank and his body began to surrender. It seemed like he was on the verge of finding peace, just a little more, and he would—a knock at the door shattered his concentration.

"Fucking hell!" he muttered to himself, hastily wiping away his tears and attempting to compose himself.

"Phantom, I heard something in there. Are you alright?" It was Mountain.

"Y-Yeah, all good!" Phantom replied, trying to steady his voice. He was overwhelmed by the sudden concern that he both resented and desperately longed for.

Mountain sensed that something was amiss and continued to probe, "That doesn't sound good to me." His concern was palpable, and it tore at Phantom's conflicted emotions.

Mountain's concern grew, a sensation he found new and unfamiliar. Someone caring for him was a rare occurrence, but he hesitated to hope for what should be the bare minimum—a bit of compassion.

Phantom giggled nervously, trying to alleviate Mountain's growing unease. "Oh, don't worry; I was just really surprised."

He stumbled over his words, attempting to offer excuses for his peculiar behavior.

"But you would usually open the door when someone knocks, so why not now?" Mountain's suspicion of him was palpable, a complex mix of emotions that Phantom both resented and yearned for. After all, he had longed for this attention for ages.

"I, uh," Phantom began, rubbing his eyes roughly to erase any evidence of his earlier tears. "I was just..." Before he could complete his sentence, the door swung open.

"You were?" Mountain inquired, his curiosity evident.

Phantom shivered under the weight of the moment. He was unsure whether his tears were noticeable, or if his reddened nose was visible in the dim light. The situation was overwhelming, and he struggled to respond.

"Just doing stuff," he managed, forcing an awkward smile.

Mountain continued to press, "Like?"

Phantom wished he could disappear as Mountain leaned in. He regretted ever having responded when Mountain had knocked.

"Trying..." Phantom hesitated before admitting, "Trying on eyeliner."

Phantom chastised himself inwardly for the mundane excuse. It felt trite and insignificant given the circumstances.

"Really? Can I see? I also want to try eyeliner; it looks cool," Mountain expressed genuine interest.

Phantom secretly sighed in relief at having successfully diverted Mountain's attention. He couldn't help but feel a glimmer of pride at his quick thinking. "Sorry, Mountain, I just rubbed it off earlier."

Mountain's disappointment was evident as he let out a whine, "Well, can you at least tell me what brand you use? Can I see your eyeliner?"

Phantom panicked, stammering as he searched for the right words. Finally, he managed to speak, "Uh, yeah, another time, Mountain. I really need to get some sleep now; I'm so tired."

Phantom was panicky, his urgency evident as he pushed Mountain towards the door.

"It's 10 in the morning, though!" Mountain protested, concerned about Phantom's unusual "sleeping schedule."

"Yeah, yeah, I stayed up all night," Phantom replied with a final push, successfully getting Mountain out of his room.

With a sigh of relief, he closed the door and leaned against it. He couldn't help but think, "Fuck his life." The complexities of his new existence and the weight of his emotions weighed heavily on him.

phantom u smart pants

#phantom ghoul #the band ghost #mountain ghoul #angst

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adracat · 1 year

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G Witch episode 17 thoughts

The one where everything goes wrong (but I like angst so we're cool gwitch, I luv u)

It's late, I'm braindead and emotionally everywhere with this episode but that's just an average Suletta Sunday. Let's go!

We saw this coming a mile away but it's still tough to watch Mio fall right into Prospera's machinations, even if she's aware. She just loves Suletta so much and wants her free, striking a deal with this metaphorical devil to do it. But faustian bargains never come without a heavy price.

Already posted some of my thoughts about this on twitter but there's more room to ramble here so you all will suffer for it. It's so clever and painful for these two to be having two separate convos happening at the same time; a common theme with them like we see in ep10. Mio seems resigned but still checks if Suletta will voluntarily cede Aerial without a duel. Suletta, believing she's being tested after their previous conversation, states firmly she won't. Her desire for Mio''s approval is so blatant, with the added subtext of 'Yes, there are precious things I can't give up.' Aerial is one of them, and I think we'll see Mio is the other. Her little shy looks at Mio are so cute ;-;

Shaddiq is being... Shaddiq. I am wondering what his end goal for gundams will be considering as far as we know, Aerial is the only one that doesn't take a pilot's life. Is he so convinced they're the future for Earthian liberation? It's a quick but interesting bit of intrigue.

LMAO GET WRECKED 5LAN. This was hilarious and a long time coming. I was getting really sick of his predatory antics. Looks like he well and truly burned any lingering fondness. Interesting he lets slip he's not the same Elan though. I wonder if she caught that? Guel coming in clutch for the save was a neat callback to ep1

Too bad for Guel, Suletta is completely down bad for short sassy girlbosses. This convo was quite endearing though since Guel accepts her rejection without a fuss. He even seems to support her feelings for Miorine and vice versa, as we see later. I suspect it's this exchange which prompts Miorine to bargain with him; her support of Jeturk/hand in marriage in exchange for his company backing. It was a tough decision for her to make, returning to a man she despised over love, but the Guel here is very different from ep1 Guel.

GOD, If this doesn't sum up her motivations in a nutshell. She wants Suletta free and happy. Away from her manipulative mother, from gundams, from Benerit; everything Mio does is for Suletta, including trading her own freedom in return and marrying a man she doesn't love. There's something to be said for her martyrdom blinding her to the truth that Suletta loves her just as fiercely. I imagine Mio thinks she's doing what's best for Suletta, that she can move forward without her. Of course, we know the truth. I'm weak for them ;-;(There's also a deep irony when you realize she's effectively doing the same thing as Delling)

I was wondering if Guel would have ptsd after earth, and the answer is OH YEAH. He was a mess. War does a number on you, even if logically you know this is just a duel. I felt bad for him, but I'm glad the show depicted this.

THIS. WAS. SO. RUDE. You can't just reveal Suletta was daydreaming about their future wedding while the godforsaken BIRTHDAY SONG plays. I had to watch that multiple times because of the sheer audacity. And Mio's shaking hands as Suletta basically proposes?? It was too much but hurt so good.

This was interesting though. Before Mio cuts Aerial's power, Eri apologizes. Did she know and was complicit? We read in Cradle Planet Eri wants Suletta to be free of Prospera's revenge, so did she allow this plan because it would give Suletta freedom? I like to think so, tragic as it is.

I knew that visor had something to do with GUND. Something tells me this will be the catalyst to getting Miorine an eye implant. (The ED told me)

Utena parallels aside, this moment was telegraphed from the first conversation between them this episode. I've seen many malign Mio over this, completely ignoring she's making what she *thinks* is the best decision for Suletta.

Is it hypocritical? Unfair? Sure. But it's hardly nonsensical or sudden. She's overly harsh because she believes it'll free Suletta from her entirely. Suletta won't fight for her if she thinks Mio never cared. We the audience know she's being played - Mio knows it too - but she still thinks this is the only way to sever Suletta from her mother. She was faced with a terrible choice and is deciding to be selfless. My heart aches for them both.

This was masterclass in heartbreak, gotta admit. She was twisting that knife. I understand the anger somewhat, but look at the bigger picture here. We can still see Suletta return cool-san, maybe on one knee?

I can't wait until next week when... whaz tha? you say it's TWO WEEKS?! 🫠🫠🫠

#g witch #g witch spoilers #g witch episode 17 #sulemio #miorine rembran #suletta mercury #gundam witch from mercury #guel jeturk #prospera mercury #Guess i'll crawl under a rock #or play zelda ffs

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hubbydaddies · 1 year

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Misaki’s Intentions

I think it’s really important to establish Misaki wanting Miri back isn’t out of concern for Miri’s safety because of Kazuki and Rei’s job; it’s for herself to feel unconditional love of her child before she dies.

Sigh long post ahead…

Misaki is once again being selfish. It took her losing everything to try and get back what she had before. This means Miri was her last priority in life, and she wants the crumbs of love she had from her child. Her intentions aren’t for Miri’s best interests.

Kazuki’s initial reaction was the correct one. I do believe in second chances, but this is Misaki’s third. The second chance she had was when Kazuki and Rei went to return Miri, and she told Kazuki “that kid” and her meaning nothing to each other anymore. She then followed it up with her fantasies of physically abusing her daughter for the audacity of laughing. And yes, I know actions are different from thoughts, but her actions include sending her daughter off alone to find her human trafficker father- which she did know about given the letter asking for money- that had no problem putting a gun to her head.

Furthermore, Misaki looked surprised when they showed up to pick up Miri which meant she was planning on picking Miri up and leaving without facing the people who had taken care of her for the better part of a year. She doesn’t care about Miri’s happiness until she’s forced to face the reality that Kazuki and Rei have given her a better life than she ever did. It’s only then that she asks Miri what she wants. Miri says she loves both her mama and papa’s meaning she wants both sides of her family to be in her life (something she conveniently leaves out when she talks to Rei and Kazuki after Miri is asleep.)

I’ve known people like Misaki before who said they’ve changed after something traumatic in their life happened. It usually doesn’t last. When faced with her actions by Kazuki and Rei, she goes for the only thing she has against them, their jobs. It’s her only trump card (for now). (Where was that energy when you send Miri to find her criminal father?)

The irony and dichotomy of Misaki and Kazuki and Rei is that it took Misaki to lose everything to realize what she had. Meanwhile, it took Kazuki and Rei to gain Miri to understand what they needed. Now that Kazuki and Rei have lost Miri- which they did to protect her- it will force them to choose between their dangerous lifestyle and their family.

One can argue they made that choice when they gave her to Misaki at the end of the episode. I disagree because their choice isn’t a real one. It’s basically choosing between life and death. Rei got that message on his birthday. In reality, it was a choice between being selfish or protecting their daughter.

There is also a big difference between changing your life from a dangerous job to unexpected parenthood and bad parenting to “trust me, bro. I’m clean. Could you give me the kid? I pinky promise I won’t put my child’s life in danger… again. I know I put her in an unsafe environment for the first four years of her life… And then sent her away as a bargaining chip for money from her dangerous father… but it’s different now. I’m dying. Let me have the happiness of unconditional love for a while before I traumatize my daughter again by dying.” Great, love that for you.

Am I being harsh on Misaki? Maybe. Why? She doesn’t really have Miri’s best interest at heart. She’s not trying to get Miri back because her papas are assassins; that’s just the only thing she has against them. She wants Miri back for herself and herself alone.

Look, I’m sorry she has cancer. But that doesn’t give someone the automatic right to take back a child- a human being to be responsible for- she so easily abandoned to strangers.

My disdain for Misaki comes from the perspective of what this will do to Miri in the long run. I have mentioned in a previous post how I have experience with a child who came from a very similar situation as Miri (their my godchild).

Now, I do believe Miri should have the chance to say goodbye to her mother before she dies. She deserves closure. But how she achieves that closure shouldn’t be given by taking away the security she had with Kazuki and Rei completely. I understand being away from them for now is ultimately safest. But it shouldn’t be permanent (and I don’t think it will be).

In conclusion, Misaki is still doing things for selfish reasons. Kazuki was absolutely correct in calling her out during their talk. He saw through that immediately after she told him her situation. But Kazuki and Rei, from beginning to end, have done everything for Miri for selfless reasons.

#buddy daddies #“Blood is thicker than water.” Well mango juice is thicker than blood #mango juice is thicker than blood

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littlemisssquiggles · 1 year

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So...about the EIGHTH episode of RWBY Volume 9...

I...have no words for this episode. No really y'all this episode left me speechless

I'm gonna need a week to process all the reveals that happened in this episode.

I think the part that resonated with me the most is the part that some of y'all probably expected to impact me the most. You already know what it is…

It's the part where Illusion Ozpin is beating the shit out of Ruby with the Long Memory, screaming at her that she isn't cut out to save anyone. I like the visual irony of Oz being to one to tell Ruby she’s unfit to be the hero when it was Oz who chose Ruby in the first place.

Anyways, Ruby retaliates by slashing at Oz with Crescent Rose. But when Ruby looks up, it isn't Oz she finds standing before her anymore.

It's Oscar.

Of all the things that I was expecting to see, Ruby essentially killing an Illusion Oscar was not one of em. Not lying to tell ya’ll, that part took me out. I actually gasped at this part.

But from my initial shock at seeing this scene came a big realization. Of all the people that Neo could have shown Ruby killing on accident, why show her Oscar?

I mean yes it makes sense given that it was Ozpin who was beating Ruby before and Oscar is Ozpin’s successor. However, for me, why I find this part most interesting is that it highlighted to me the significance of Oscar’s presense in Ruby’s life. What he means to her.

One of Ruby's fears is the thought of failing Oscar too. We saw how she reacted to failing Penny and being reminded that she failed her twice over.

Ruby is afraid that she could one day potentially fail to protect Oscar as well, just how she failed Penny...and Pyrhha...and everyone else.

I find this part to be most significant. And no this is NOT my shipping heart talking here. I just find it interesting that Oscar dying is used as one of the main pieces used by Neo to cause Ruby to reach her breaking point.

If I ever needed a sign that Oscar is important to Ruby from this volume then this was it. Perhaps not in a "romantic sense" but Oscar IS important to Ruby. He is someone she doesn't want to fail.

I can say more but overall this episode just left me floored. And of course, the final part where Ruby essentially committed suicide.

She drank the tea made from the leaves of the Tree and essentially erased herself from existence.

And then there is Neo. She finally got what she wanted. She wanted Ruby to die and pushed her to "kill" herself. And after breaking Ruby and bringing her to that point, Neo breaking Ruby essentially caused her to break as well.

And there comes the big reveal.

When I said before that I was hoping the Curious Cat would become a part of Ruby...this was NOT how I envisioned it to be.

I did not expect the Cat to be a villain.

That part stung man! This entire time I was rooting for the Cat to be an ally.

I JOKED about the Cat being like Kyuubei from Madoka and look what happened in this episode.

I can't believe that the Cat is the villain! I cannot believe it!

And of course, Little getting killed by Neo and used to cause Ruby to reach her final breaking point---again, another thing that I called in a previous post and look what happened in this episode!

All in all, this episode was ALOT to take in and I'm still taking it all in.

And let's not forget about the main theme to take out of this episode---this entire time, Ruby has been battling with the depression and what can essentially be presumed as "suicidal thoughts".

Thinking that she doesn't want to be herself anymore. Thinking that the world and everyone else in her life would be better off without her existing and then the final nail before her choosing to essentially kill herself.

Ruby killed herself ya'll.

Call it what it is in terms of the theme. We just watched our main protagonist committ suicide.

Now obviously I have no doubt in my mind that Ruby is going to be alright in the end. From the shot of her being swallowed by the tree, Little also fell with her as well.

I feel like this could lead into Ruby being resurrected through Little. Like Little's purpose being revealed that they were meant to help Ruby come back and fix her or something like that.

That's my hunch for now.

Beyond that, I think I'm done talking about this episode for now.

Do I think this episode was a good episode? Oooh I would go as far as to say this episode was the best of this season so far. There is just so much to unpack from it.

At this point, we are 2 more episodes away from the season finale of V9. Where it goes from here, I don't know. For now, I'm gonna go lie down and process this episode a bit more.

~LMS (2023)

#squiggles talks: rwby #ruby rose #oscar pine #rwby volume 9 spoilers

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dimiclaudeblaigan · 9 months

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Do you think some of the backlash Engage got came from Edelstans who were salty that the game didn't adhere to their narrative of "FE is all about all dragons bad, humanity good"?

I wasn't aware Engage got backlash tbh. I know it wasn't particularly well loved and that players moved on from it pretty fast (I similarly moved on pretty fast and didn't even bother finishing the DLC because it felt pointless to do so. It was too difficult too early on, but if I finished it late game when it'd be easier, I'd have the DLC units for so short a time in that run it would be pointless), but I didn't see it get any specific backlash.

If it did then yeah, I can only figure it came from Those Stans. Anyone who has played FE for longer than Three Houses (most people either started at FE7, FE9/10, FE13 or FE14 prior to Houses) doesn't give a shit about that stuff that because we all know that's not the narrative of the franchise. In fact, usually it's an internal conflict between dragons.

For anyone less aware of the dragons' story in previous titles:

Basically you've got Naga in one continuity (FE1-5 and the remakes) who made a call that a group of dragons didn't agree with and they turned against her, refusing to forgo their pride as dragons (i.e. they could stay as dragons and eventually go insane because of the decline at the time (something not present in FE4-5 which happens before FE1-3's timeline), or they could switch to a human form and live as humans and stay sane). It ended up in a long running feud between them.

Some of those dragons were bad apples and those are your endgame villains. Since the timeline starts with the Jugdral games, you get Loptous first who doesn't vibe with Naga (who at this time doesn't interfere with humans and doesn't believe in dragons doing so) and they're enemies. Loptous is the big baddie because he wants to conquer the continent, so his motivation is basically just dragon!Edelgard (nice irony at least), and he surrounds himself with people who are loyal to him and kills the rest (Edelgard lol).

During this time you're in gen 2, and during gen 2 the protagonist is led by a human loving dragon who never even announces his identity as a dragon and assists the human in surviving against the big bad dragon. Since the big bad dragon wants to kill the bloodlined people and enslave the rest as part of his conquest, you could say it technically falls right into his war with Naga. Conquer a continent, get a bunch of mooks to fight for you and have the power of a whole ass continent behind you. It would help him in fighting the dragons who sided with Naga. Thankfully we have mister human loving dragon who won't let that happen.

Later in the timeline is FE1, where we have big bad Medeus who is in a similar boat (except this is like 1000 years post Jugdral). Doesn't agree with Naga and wants to fight her. Starts conquering a continent with his little human mooks. By this point Naga has realized that isolated the dragons from humans was a mistake and enlists Marth's help. Medeus is defeated but comes back for FE3.

FE2 was about dragons among humans and the pros and cons of it. Happened between FE1 and FE3. There was no mention of All Dragons Bad because each dragon was seen as a god to the humans and they respected them (similarly to Jugdral's part in the timeline, where all the characters' gods are actually dragons).

Come FE6, that timeline is ditched entirely until FE13. FE6 and FE7 are about dragons and humans living in peace, and how a war broke out between them because humans got too fucking greedy and started killing them (so the dragons retaliated, got defeated and went into hiding behind a sealed door so the humans would leave them the fuck alone). The general idea behind these two games is, similarly to other other titles, about human greed.

Jugdral expresses this by Naga shutting out humanity because she saw how greedy they were after saving them once, seeing humans fighting each other again and again and again - especially the ones who got greedy because they had the power to conquer, which was given to them by the dragons. Basically the dragons in their goodwill gave humans losing a war the power to survive the war/fight back again, and then years later humans used that power to start more wars. Naga decided nope and stopped interacting with them. Mind you, in no part of these games does Naga personally ever try to help humans. She stuck to her guns regarding no helping humans and in background info from the creator apparently made it law not to interact with them.

FE8 ditches the concept of dragons almost entirely, having a manakete character who is pretty much completely irrelevant to the main plot.

FE9/10 don't focus on dragons as the Big Picture and are instead equally incorporate into the story with everything else. The racial issues aren't between humans and dragons, but instead just humans (referred to in these games as beorc, with "human" being used as an insult similar to a slur due to sub-human being used for laguz) and laguz. Dragons are a sub species of laguz and are generally neutral in conflict, with only some individuals acting with motivation.

So that all said, older fans with awareness of all this (especially prior to playing Houses, i.e. Houses wasn't their first game) don't look at Engage through Houses tinted lenses. We look at it as any other entry and base it accordingly. Nobody who has played the older titles prior to Houses seems to have any backlash against it. Most seem to find it mediocre as best as a game, but overall have no issues with the story and just mainly see it as much more lighthearted than most FE stories.

That said, yeah, the only people I can imagine giving outright backlash are people who are angry that the formula didn't follow its roots because in their ignorance, all they know being pixel waifu, goes against their beloved Agarthan/humanity/Agarthan-brainwashed-Edelgard narrative.

Engage follows the story of good and bad dragons, and the good dragons being friends with humanity while the bad dragons get fought by the good dragons and their human friends. It didn't continue CF's narrative because CF was the outlier in Houses in the first place, literally intended to be the villain route, and surprise surprise, the villain route is when dragons are the enemy.

In FE7's case in particular, there are only good dragons and they fight the big bad human who is obsessed with dragons because of their power. The final boss is a dragon who came out of the gate because Nergal tricked three dragons out basically, and in seeing humans the dragons reacted violently (which like, can you blame them? After everything humans put them through for pure greed?). Ninian had to kill them to stop them from rampaging, but she said it "wasn't their fault" (it wasn't), and she was only strong enough at the time to take two of them down, so you're left to fight the last one.

In FE8, the only dragon you get isn't bad and is just from a place got attacked and destroyed, so she's the only survivor who Ephraim helped, so she joins your army.

In other wordssss... every single FE has had the same general theme for each story. CF is intentionally the only outlier and while yes the devs 100 percent fully intended to make Edelgard lovable and were they themselves obsessed with her, it doesn't change the fact that it was made to specifically be the route where you sided with the bad guys. They do acknowledge her as the villain, they're just so obsessed with her that it comes across as her not being a villain. They also can't seem to handle becoming attached to a villain they wrote because then they don't want them to be a villain and suddenly can't commit to the route properly anymore. Wah wah.

I wrote about that stuff recently more than once so I won't do it again beyond that, but... yeah, anyone who knows the standard FE formula knows Engage is the same as all the others. Nobody who understands that is gonna complain about the overall story or be mad that it's not some humanity-is-best fantasy (when even irl most people are aware that it's not and that humans are literally destroying the planet lmao...).

Honestly, seeing how detached from reality those stans are is utterly baffling but also disgusting. That is, of course, assuming they're not all imperialists irl and yadda yadda, which I'm sure some are even if not all (as an American I can say that tends to be the average American straight white man mindset, and like Edelgard considers Fodlan "the world" in both games, said Americans also tend to view America as the world itself and conveniently forget other places exist). Most are probably just so detached from the reality of what they're defending so intensely and taking so seriously that they don't see or realize how horrific it all sounds.

Again though, being that detached and obsessive is just... insanely unhealthy to points those words alone can't describe. Also, to play a totally unrelated-to-another-timeline-in-the-franchise game and yet still judge it based on less than a fourth of the content in a previous timeline-isolated entry is pretty deranged (and I say less than a fourth because CF is several chapters shorter than all the other routes, so it's not even a fourth of a game with four routes).

If people are genuinely going to judge all other FE titles based on their imperialist pixel waifu, I'd prefer them to just not play the franchise at all. FE as a franchise is not CF The Franchise.

Also, that fictional/dragon race hating mindset feels like something that's the beginning of something much worse, i.e. actually being racist toward real people because it gets you thinking a certain way that may stick with you, you know?

These people are why the FE fandom has such a horrible reputation nowadays. They're also the reason why Edelgard as a character is as controversial as she is. Many people who hate her hate her because her stans have shoved their bullshit down their throat when people weren't even talking about her or were peacefully on their own space of the internet (i.e. their own Tumblr, Twitter etc). I've seen several people actually admit to this - that they didn't originally hate her but the stans made them actually hate her.

Stans have literally tried to go at me for posting things that I didn't even tag outside of my standard DCB Comments tag. The second they find something from the For You section (or back when Tumblr search for some reason showed posts based on the content in it and not based on the tags (which iirc they fixed?)), they can't hold themselves back and continue scrolling and ignore it. They can see it's not tagged and interact anyway, ridiculing and attacking people for posting "hate" (read: usually just literary criticism) that isn't even posted in any variation of Edelgard's tags.

See, here's the thing. I love Dimitri and Claude and I've seen plenty of shit takes about them that I loathe with my very being. But like, I know people with opinions that strong already are not going to agree with me. Ever. I'm not gonna bother wasting my time trying to change their mind or argue with them because it's just going to be an irritating back and forth. I see a bad take on them and I keep scrolling and ignore it, because interacting with them/the posts gets nobody anywhere at all. Unfortunately stans don't have this mindset and feel they have to attack anyone they can find. Funny really, how much like their imperialist waifu they really are.

So tl;dr as an answer to your question: yes, I do think any backlash for the game was from Edelgard stans, because anyone else playing this franchise has more than zero brain cells and can figure out that Engage is a very standard and normal addition to the franchise. Many people don't really care for it, but there wasn't any outright backlash from anyone else that I've seen.

#DCB Ask #the worse they behave the stronger my words for them get honestly #they went from annoying to just outright dangerous and disgusting #I've seen the whole thing going around about a totally unrelated to social media author getting harassed for their fic #it's honestly extremely tiring to have to be careful what you post that isn't even fucking tagged #and I've reached this line of like... I've stopped caring and post what I want but also being paranoid abt it #evidently even if you don't get directly attacked by them they DO share shit with each other and bitch abt you #and make up shit about the kind if person you are without even knowing you and just #basing you entirely and completely off a single post they found #like you can't be in this fandom without by extension being one of their potential targets at any given millisecond #even if you're not involved with them or even if you don't even know they exist! even if you're just #innocently existing! they WILL come after you if they decide you don't like Edelgard ''correctly''#like I said. funny. they act exactly like her so no surprise they're madly in love with her/the idea of her iron fist ruling a continent #one that mind you she refers to as ''the world'' -gags-

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moonchildridden · 2 years

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NottPun, that couple (who’re not exactly a couple) that showed a lot of nuances: couch castings alongside physical favors, half of a soul to work, new beginnings and 701 to the win (Episode 5)

Now it’s time to finish this up, so let’s do this.

This took me a long time to write because I was until now thinking how I was supposed to organize my thoughts in a coherent way and express exactly what this last episode was trying to convey to us and how I was feeling about the ending. That being said, I still don’t know how this is going to turn out to be but if I don’t do anything, then nothing gets actually done, right?

To be honest, most of the things I have to say are more personal opinions and interpretations of the things that I saw in the episode, some lines said by specific characters, so I don’t have any idea of how to organize this post, but regardless of what I'm going to do, let me be a responsible adult, as always: everything that you guys will be reading in this post is the result of my observations into very specific parts of the episode, frame by frame repetitive viewing and me getting to the most plausible conclusion after taking all in, meaning that most of the things will be on the speculative territory, others in (maybe) theory territory and some can (or so I think) be proven by in-dialogues and scenes arrangements, so take things with a grain of salt, ok?

After a few minutes of consideration, I realized that the best way of talking about this episode is by making this post like a conversation and a reflection of what I think about it so, instead of using my normal format, I will just talk (write) about my thoughts as they come and then give my final thoughts in the end. However, I will (mostly) follow the order of events presented in the episode, with things in bold being mostly dialogues and things in italic being me emphasizing or exaggerating my thoughts.

As an addendum, I will reference a few things that I talked about in my previous posts so, if any of you reading this hasn’t read them, don’t need to worry about needing to read those posts first because I will paraphrase when necessary. But if after this you feel the desire to read them, head out to my masterlist and you can find all three previous posts there.

Get ready to turn this post into the r/AmITheAsshole subreddit and judge some people.

· “Do bad, get goods”: Siren calls and sexual exploitation

And we already start with the good stuff (irony!). In my previous post, in the sub-section where I talked about how Koon was promising sexual acts in Pun’s name in exchange for money, I also entertained the idea that she was pimping her other artists and using them for her own sexual gratification based of a specific scene from the trailer that alluded to it. At the time of the writing of that post, that was as far as I could go with all the information that was presented to us but episode 5 busted the door open and revealed that Koon’s crimes were more than just her selling Pun to other people or using her card manager to make her artists sleep with her: she was recruiting new artists by using that method and then using her already existing artist to bring her more people.

Like a good pimp would do to get more people to work for them. Because that’s what she is, a pimp dressed as a manager.

Sexual exploitation is a theme that were discussed before in the show, albeit in a more Pun centric way, showing how Koon was using him to advance more herself than the person she was selling because she was the one with more knowledge about how the industry worked, what the industry wanted and what the industry required for one to get more recognition within its walls. As we only had seen her doing that with Pun, it was fair to assume that he was the only victim of her wrongdoings, but things got really sour as soon as we got the information that it was much worse that what we were being led to believe.

Fast forward to when Pun starts exposing Koon and her crimes, the first thing we see in the news is a clip of Koon and Fang in a bedroom, and Koon tells to Fang to take it off (presumably his clothes) if he wanted to be a part of a series. After that, Koon turns to Fang and asks him “didn’t you said that if I could get you in, you wouldn’t blackmail me?”, prompting Fang to say that he “didn’t do it” and this exchange sheds light onto four things:

1 – Fang was not surprised about the existence of that clip, meaning that he either asked someone to set up a camera to film that or he did himself. Regardless of what happen for that clip to exist, he was aware of its existence.

2 – Koon also was not surprised about the existence of that clip, meaning that she was also aware of its existence but wasn’t exactly worried about it because it was in her possession and Fang couldn’t use it as a way of blackmailing her.

3 – The fact that that clip exists in the first place shows that it was not the first time Koon had made Fang give her sexual favors and Fang felt the need to have a sort of warranty in case things went wrong, so he decided to film it.

4 – A much more alarming thing hat we can take out of that small exchange is the possibility that they just decided to film it as some sort of home porn movie.

While Koon and Fang are trying to understand exactly what is happening, Pun continues to explain things and reveals two big pieces of information: the first one is that there is a big list of executives, famous politicians and businessmen to whom Koon sent Pun to entertain using the excuses that it was tour to channels or auditions but it was instead him being forced to please them, where Pun never received a single dime for it (I talked about this in my previous post actually) and the amount of money she got from all those exploitations, based on the evidence Pun gathered so far, were above 3 million baht (to put into perspective, we are talking about 82,202.041 US Dollars here) and this money is only from the names he had access to; imagine how many more people Pun was forced to attend and how much money Koon actually made from all of that.

The second piece of information is that Koon’s support to Fang is not only because Pun is “no longer useful to her” or something like that but more so because Fang was, and I’ll quote, “finding college students for his former manager to her bed.” Fang was out there getting teenagers to Koon to have sex with and was doing that so he could have favoritism over Pun, even if Pun was not exactly having an easy life on his end of the bargain.

With all of that, I couldn’t prevent from asking myself if Fang only escaped the same fate Pun had because he was “busy” sleeping with Koon and feeding her young boys so she could satisfy her desires, because the way seemed close during this episode kinda suggested that their relationship is more intense than just artist/manager or even pimp/supplier. These two could even be seeing each other, not necessarily being together as a couple, and using that proximity as leverage to get what they both want, as long as their plans are aligned, because they strike me as people that would turn on each other as soon as the other become a hindrance to their plans or decide that they want more than what they already have.

We’ve seen her doing exactly that with Pun, so it wouldn’t be out of character.

· There’s a secret, can you keep it?

On episode 2, at the event where Pun fainted, there was this moment where the reporters were asking questions to NottPun and one of them asked about the fact that something had happened between them during shooting and that caused the shooting to be halted for a while. That question was pertaining to something that only those who were in the shooting site at that moment could possibly know, so it became obvious that someone from inside had told that to the reporters, for whatever reason.

I didn’t say that in my post but while I was watching the episode and that part came, I started eliminating suspects and took of my list NottPun (for obvious reasons, they wouldn’t want that to be public knowledge, Nott because he wouldn’t gain anything from it and Pun because that could ruin his career), Koon and Candy (because they were their managers and I didn’t think that they would want that to be public knowledge either), GusBew (honestly, they were more busy trying to do a good job during shooting to actually care about that) or their managers (even if these two had fairly good reasons to be the ones doing this, it could be a risky move because rumors could affect the series and, by proxy, the chances of their artists become more famous), so I had to be people from the filming crew because those didn’t like Pun and, given the opportunity, would throw him under the bus.

Quoting what I wrote about that, “[…] the only thing we can assume is that someone close enough to them sold that information for whatever reason. And that’s exactly what happened in this episode; someone decided to personify Judas and “betray” the confidentiality that comes with private matter regarding what happen to actors during the shooting.

One thing would be people using NottPun’s public “fight” and the fact that none of them had been liking each other’s posts to assume that they are having problems between them (going back to the perception we have about the actors relationship through social media) but other thing entirely is the reporters asking if it was true that NottPun fought a lot behind the scenes and cause the shooting team to stop in the middle of the scene, because that is not an inference based on what they saw online, it was a very specific question about something that actually happened […]”, I was actually going to the route of someone holding a grudge of Pun specifically, because Nott don’t seem to have as many “problems” as Pun had with the filming crew, and because of that was feeding the media information that could damage Pun’s image and reputation to other people. Turn out that I shouldn’t have been so quick to rule out the managers because Koon was not the only one doing things without her artist’s consent.

Welcome to the judging stage, Candy.

Continuing the theme of revelations, we find out that Candy, alongside Koon (because that woman is fucking everywhere), was the one responsible to sell the story about what had happened during shooting. Candy didn’t think that that occurrence was “good enough” to be sold, stating that “the kids were just arguing” but Koon said that “this is how news are made” and that “if they could made journalists go to events, PR would give them an additional 30%”, meaning more money for something that could be impactful. And the rest we know how it went.

After that conversation about Candy selling secrets, this exchange between them happened:

Nott: Tell me. Don’t you feel sorry for him? What did he do for you? – Nott wasn’t even worried about him in that situation, but with Pun, because he knew that Pun was the most affected with anything that could jeopardize his career, and also that Pun had never done anything directly at Candy to warrant an action that could (and did) harm him.

Candy: Feel sorry? I don’t think anyone is pitiful for me to be sorry. I just thought that if we invest on anything, we must get something back – this can sound a bit heartless, because Candy just basically said that she doesn’t really think that people can be recipients for any feeling resembling pity coming from her and she really don’t care about struggles of people (I may be misunderstanding what she meant but that’s what I could gather from that) and that as long as you invest in something, put your time and effort or any other resources, your primary objective should be to get the results, regardless of the things and/or people you need to put under you. – Oh, don’t look at me like that. For Nott…you are perfect, I don’t have to invest anything on you – meaning that Nott was a low maintenance artist, in a way that it didn’t require that much effort from her part because he could sometimes be self-managing and not really need her that much. – Let’s think of us as partners – them being partners would basically mean that both had equal shares in terms of decision-making and profits. A business venture where Candy would step in only when necessary (getting sponsorships and contracts, things like that) and Nott would contribute with his acting and charisma.

I also did say in that same post, at the beginning of the section talking about “Industry’s Judas”, the following: “How do we evaluate how much a piece of information costs? By the ability to create damage and chaos when release? By how long it has circulating around? By whom it affects and how high is the position of the person/people involved in the information? No matter what metric we use to do that, information is power and those who detain power, detain everything.” and that sums exactly the power information has in that industry, how it can be used to make or break someone, to bring attention to certain things that some people would rather keep in the dark and how some people just don’t care how information is used, as long as guarantees their individual success or the success of a person of their interest.

[Now, I wanna use this opportunity to talk about something that Candy said after the conversation about the stories selling bit and it was related to Koon and Pun:

Candy: In fact, Koon, she loves Pun. The person that is a manager, she created someone, she has to love that person naturally.

Before I start talk what I think about this bit, I want to make clear that everything that you guys will read here is based on my vision of love and what exactly composes this feeling. This bit will be a bit partial, so don’t worry if you have a different vision from mine, that’s how humans are; that being said, let’s breakdown her words bit by bit, shall we?

· “In fact, Koon, she loves Pun” – Candy is one of those characters whose importance is tied to the protagonist, so we barely know anything about her except the fact that she’s Nott’s manager, don’t seem to know very much about some terms used during shooting (for example, her not knowing what NC stood for) and likes to be in her corner. Because Nott is working with Pun, she spent a lot of time with Koon because of that and probably spent time talking with her about other thing other than work, something that could mean that she has more insight about Koon’s personality than even Pun doesn’t. The way she says those words, is from someone who is certain about the veracity of what she’s saying, like there is no chance of people even doubt that Koon, indeed, loves Pun.

· “The person that is a manager, she created someone, she has to love that person naturally” – here is the meat of her words and what made my brain spiral in a debate of how we use the nurture aspect of life, alongside time, to affirm something like that. Because Candy was basically saying that there is no way Koon could spend so much time with Pun, take care of him, watch him grow and not love him, that those attributes would “naturally” make her love Pun. And that’s exactly there where my problem lies, because considering everything she did, I wouldn’t exactly use the word “love” to describe the feelings she has for Pun.

First thing we need to bear in mind is the fact that Koon knew about Pun’s aversion to physical touch and, even with that knowledge, put Pun in situations where he was going to be touched against his will, so she could have some money out of it. When we talk about loving someone, that means that one of the things we should have towards that person is respect, in all aspects we can think that do not violate our own freedom and rights; in this case, for me to accept that Koon really loved Pun, she needed to respect Pun’s physical boundaries (not liking to be touched) and don’t go over them because of money or other form of self-gratification.

If you don’t respect the limits and boundaries someone placed upon themselves, boundaries that that same person gave you knowledge about, boundaries that are put in place as a way of establishing their autonomy upon themselves, can you really say that you love that person? I’m not talking about things that are harmful to that person, I’m talking about boundaries that are actually there to protect them from harm, of being hurt again, of being in a dangerous situation; Pun wanted to have control over the people touching him, that’s why he was willing to let his fans touch him (because it was part of his job and the touches were relatively short and safe), or let Nott touch him during shooting (again, his job, and the touches were scripted and he was aware of how and where he was going to be touched) but as soon as you put Pun in a room with people he does not know, without his consent, and in a situation where he would get touched without his permission, that’s a violation of boundaries happening.

If it had happened one or twice, it could be debatable that Koon had make a mistake, and things could even be amended. But it kept happening over, and over, and over again, to the point of Koon managing to get 3.000.000 baht and Pun not having access to any of it. In those 5 years that they met each other, how many times Koon went over Pun’s boundaries, how many times she put him in situations she knew would be uncomfortable for him, how many times she probably used Pun’s affection towards her to get him to make things for her? She hurt him intentionally and Candy wants me to believe that there was love in there for Pun?

The second thing we need to understand is that no matter how long you spend with someone, if you saw that person grow in front of your very eyes, took care of that person, that’s not instant guarantee that there will be love from the caretaker to the person being taken care of. Yes, there are cases where in those situations, love is something that can naturally happens but is not as linear as 2+2=4 situation. If it was so simple, cut and dry, we wouldn’t have innumerous cases of queer people being abandoned by their parents/parental figures, because there would be love involved and when you love someone, you want that person to be safe, away from harm. Tell me, did Koon kept Pun away from harm to Candy come here and tell Nott that Koon “loved” Pun? Did she made sure that Pun was comfortable in everything she was doing, or she only showed discomfort when Pun was being kissed during shooting?

The third thing is that I don’t think that Koon hated Pun or something like that, because as Candy said, proximity for so long can make you develop feelings for someone. What I think that can be applied in Koon’s case is that she cared for Pun, in a mixed sense of feeling like an older sister to him, someone that was there to guide Pun through life, and her responsibility as his manager, someone that was under her care, and she needed to make sure that was safe. However, that “care” was tainted with her thirst for money and power, with her ill intentions and actions, with her discarding Pun for Fang, someone that was more advantageous for her, as soon as his blind follower behavior stopped, and she couldn’t manipulate him further.

This is me giving more leniency towards Koon in regards to this, because she fucked up too much for me to just accept Candy’s words and pretend that everything happened for a reason. There was too much disrespect, to much ill actions, to much harm done, in more time that I was supposed to happen for me to close my eyes and play dumb. Nothing other people tell me can make me see love in her behavior, not when she literally retraumatized Pun over and over again, just because of money; as a trauma holder, that is not excusable and becomes unacceptable to even begin to think of forgiveness.]

· NottPun and their happy ending

Before I start talking about this, I wanna say that I really like the fact that NottPun got their happy ending, because they deserved. I was scared that it would end badly for them and was even willing to accept an open ending that could provide a vibe that they would eventually end up together someday but fortunately we got our NottPun endgame. That being said, I cannot in good faith just sit here and pretend that I am happy with the way that happy ending was giving to us, because I’m not.

Just to be clear, I am satisfied with the happy ending. But I’m not happy with how the happy ending happened. And I have my reasons for that.

The main reason is the fact that the ending felt rushed, like the screenwriters didn’t have the time to form a more extended version of how NottPun resolved their issues (that were many up to that point) for them to actually end together. I believe that one of the reasons for that was the little amount of time they had for that (50 minutes are not enough to fix everything that needs to be fixed. This is KinnPorshe all over again), that forced them to choose what to show among everything that they had planned for them, so they decided to show the most pressing issues (Pun x Koon, Nott x Pun, how Mafia Baby’s deal ended, what was Pun doing after exposing his ex-manager, what was the aftermath of said expose, stuff like that), instead of putting a bit more focus on NottPun as a couple; because even if there were a lot of things being talked about in New Ship, the relationship that was formed between them (friends, coworkers, lovers) was very linked with those said issues being discussed.

Because, imagine this: we spent 4.5 episodes uncovering and watching in depth how Pun was dealing with his pain and trauma, how Nott was this unusual safe haven for him, angst after angst after angst, people being deceived, lies being told, pressure from all sides, Pun almost committing suicide, Nott sleeping with Fang and all sorts of things. We have this incredibly detailed and organized way of storytelling, where everything is there for a reason, everything is connected, simple things can turn out to be bigger than we expected, things getting deeper each episode and us uncovering the secrets alongside the characters, even if we had more access to more information that the rest. But, right at the end, after being showered with angst every Tuesday, suddenly we have this big dump of information, Koon was using Fang to get college students for her to have sex with, that she robbed millions from Pun and was also having a relationship more advanced with Fang than manager/artist, that Song was in love with Pun and apparently slept with him a few times, Candy was the one responsible for selling information about NottPun to news outlet, that Tai had always cared for Pun (I legit don’t like the fact that Tai was the one that approached Pun because it gave the impression that he was also using him for some reason. Yes, what he did helped Pun and would help other people that went through the same that Pun did and I’m grateful for that, but there is something nagging me at the back of my mind saying that there is something very weird about that. Also, I did not like seeing Tai touching Pun for some reason and I cannot pinpoint why) and helped Pun get the revenge he needed; it was an abrupt and sudden change of storytelling and, when compared with the beginning of the series, it make the final episode seem rushed.

And when we go to NottPun themselves, it becomes even worse, because there is A LOT that needed to be shown that simply got pushed under the rug, when in reality it would’ve made the finale feel more realistic and not just the screenwriters not having any idea of how to show two people fix their issues. We finished episode 4 with the revelation that Nott had sex with Fang (a person that Pun did not like) and we don’t know why that happened, even if it was just one time like Nott said. Was he bored of waiting for Pun to call him, so he decided to find the closest person available? Did Fang called Nott instead and offered to have sex with him? Fang sleeping with Nott was a plan of his part, to really be with someone Pun could only touch during shooting? Was Nott sober when he had sex with Fang? Why did Nott posted a story of him and Fang on his secret IG account, an account that Pun apparently had access too? Did he decided not to say anything because he was ashamed of what had happened? How did Pun got over the fact that the man that said that he loved him had slept with someone he did not like? Granted, at the time that happened, they were just fuck buddies but Nott kept talking about how he would never treat him bad but went and had sex with someone he didn’t like.

Speaking of that, what is the reason Pun and Fang despise each other? Is it a case of jealousy, from Fang to Pun? Did something happen between them in the past that made their relationship that way? Was there a fight? Did they suddenly one day decided not to be on good terms? Was Koon involved in that feud? Did she instigated or was the reason it started? Did Song had any involvement in it or he was just a spectator?

Apart from the NotFang thing, what happened after Pun stormed out of the shooting set, on the day the viral clip was filmed? Who called him back to finish the filming? Did he decided to go back on his own? How was the conversation and what were the terms they agreed on? How was the relationship between Pun and the rest of the cast during the filming? How was NottPun’s relationship during filming? Did they cut their NC scenes or decided to leave them out? How was Pun dealing with things, considering the fact that he did not have a manager to take care of him? After they finished filming Mafia Baby's s2, how was their relationship? Did they keep contact with one another? Was Nott keeping an eye on Pun from the distance? Was Pun keeping an eye on Nott from the distance? Did Nott told Pun what his manager had done?

Talking about Pun alone, how did his healing journey started? Was he still in contact with Song? Was he seeing a therapist to help him deal with his trauma? Did someone approached him to talk about the abuse? How was his relationship with his parents? Was his dad still in the hospital or was he back home? How did his mother reacted to the news that her son was no longer going to be an actor in a big TV station? Was she still keeping distance from him? Did she know that he was queer? If she did, how did she react? Where was Pun living? Was he living alone, or he had a roommate?

About Nott, how was he dealing with the fact that he was working alone? How was the promotion time for Mafia Baby without Pun? (we only saw a glimpse of what it was for Nott to work without Pun, but I think we needed to see more) Was he still working for TTV or he decided to leave the station? Did his messages for Pun got answers or not? Was he the one that approached Pun so they could get back together? If yes, how was the conversation?

I see you guys noticed that I used whole paragraphs to make questions of things that we kinda need to know to make sense of the story and things feel more completed. There is so much for us to see, so many holes to be filled, so many explanations that need to be given to make things make more sense, questions to be answered, wounds to be tendered. The rushed nature of the ending means that we skipped much of the path to all of those things, or simply did not even got to see those things get resolved.

For example, about Pun, the character with most issues to be resolved. We all know and agree that he, first and foremost, needed to give himself space to heal, leave the toxic mentality that he wasn't worthy of love, that people would only go after him to have sex, that his anger was the only feeling he was allowed to express to the world and that the walls he built around him had to stay up until the day he died. There is no exact formula to determine how a journey towards healing should work, because each person heals at their own pace and in their own way, because at the same time we learn how to use time at our advantage, we get wounds reopen, wounds that we think we're already healed, we need to face our deepest fears and the worst thoughts our minds can create. And a SA survivor would have even more onto their plate to deal with, into starting to believe that whatever happened to them was not their fault and that they are not tainted, that they can be vulnerable again to someone they really care about and that our boundaries should always be respected.

In a way, the finale gave him exactly that. A space to face his demons, space to understand that he was abused by his former manager, that his trust was manipulated to other's personal gains and that he had the right to seek compensation (in this case, seeing the person, or one of the people, that put him through that, being exposed for their crimes, instead of continuing to do to others what was done to him) and could use his experience to avoid others of falling into the same rabbit hole, while at the same time putting to rest a part of him that was screaming to be heard, to be free. It also gave him the power to decide how he was going to deal with the things that had happened to him, and the option to move on without being forced to be "the bigger person" and forgive his abusers; we can heal and at the same time not give our abusers a rest bed that a forgiveness would give them and as long as we forgive ourselves, the rest is a matter of perspective. Pun got to that conclusion and that was the starting point of his healing journey, the one that was right for him.

But at the same time that we got him healed, alive and free and more content in himself at the end of things, it feels like it’s a hollow healing because we didn’t see exactly how that happened, and I guarantee that three months is not enough for someone like Pun, that tried to commit suicide an episode prior, to be the way he was at the end of episode 5, it’s just not realistic enough to be believable. @gillianthecat made an interesting observation, that we could view this apparent conscious decision of not showing that as a commentary on voyeurism - we are allowed to see their heated kisses and their half-naked post-coital cuddles, but not their deep dives into their psyches; we know that time constraints were a big part on why we didn’t get to see it but it kinda makes sense.

And about NottPun, I ended up making a comparison between the ending that NueaToh got in Mafia Baby and the ending that NottPun got. During the 4 episodes, we never saw any clue that NueaToh were having problems, but NottPun went through a lot of issues, but at the end NueaToh were the ones getting the bad ending, while NottPun got the happy one, like their fortunes were reversed. A big way of understanding that is the final scene of NueaToh in Mafia Baby ending, and how it could be a direct call to what was happening to NottPun at the moment: having Toh asking "why does it had to be you? Why do you have to be mean to me?" and Nuea simply saying "I'm sorry" is a parallel to all the times Nott said that he would never be mean to Pun, something that he actually did, even if unintentionally, because there are things that Nott did that Pun could've interpreted as Nott being mean to him, betraying his trust and his love. However, while Toh never actually got an answer to his question, the fact that NottPun ended up together could mean that Pun got the answer that Toh needed, something that could help Pun see past that and see a future with Nott, something that could not be the case with NueaToh (this is me trying to see something in here, because without having an information about Mafia Baby's plot is very difficult to actually assert something about that series).

All the gut-wrenched moments needed between NottPun, to purge everything that was bad between them, tear down the bridge that was connecting them and built another one in its place, a more solid one, and have a very painful but sincere conversation about everything that had happened and what was their plans moving forward were placed on NueaToh’s tab, because they never had to face what NottPun did, so they could be used to give NottPun a sense of closing of a painful chapter and to lay the ground to a possible beginning of another one but that could've been more laid more obviously, instead of having to be inferred. Basically, NueaToh paid for NottPun’s sins and got the bad end of the stick.

But, no matter how I see it, I still cannot feel satisfied with the showness of their ending, not in a show that heavily relied on an extensive amount of “show”. All we got was NottPun fighting in the beginning, the three-month time skip, them not talking with each other, even if Nott was showed sending him messages, Pun acting again and then the news that NottPun were in fact together; a lot of information were lost between those moments and it makes the story, that had been neatly tight feel sloppy and lazily written.

As a writer myself, it took me sometime to understand that being realistic is not automatically a closed door in the face of a happy ending, because we all know that we should take all the wins when we get them, no matter how small. Realistic endings can also be happy endings, provided well explained and justified, otherwise it will just look like the writer did not took the time to actually think the story through and slapped a happy ending just to make people satisfied.

That being said, even if I'm satisfied with NottPun's happy ending, a very deserved happy ending nonetheless, I wished the path to it had been more explored, so we could have accompanied that journey the same way we had been accompanying their journey into being lovers.

To be honest, I don’t know what to write to finish this post, and I wish I could say something impactful to make you guys remember this post but my brain got drained by writing this, and also the thought that if something worth theorizing and analyzing happens on “War of Managers”, I will end up making another batch of posts like this and I don’t think my brain can take it. However, I think I do have something to say about “New Ship”: it was fun knowing NottPun, have the chance to take a peek into their lives, witness the beginning of their journey as lovers and have hope that whatever the universe throws at them, they will be able to get through and survive it. I’m glad Pun got the healing journey he needed, that he got someone by his side ready to fight alongside him and that he gave himself the chance to start over. He really deserved it.

And so, I really hope to see them again someday, happy and content with each other, so I can stop missing the people that were responsible for making my Tuesdays a bit better for over a month. Goodbye and see you again, NottPun.

#warofy #war of y #war of y: new ship #war of y: new ship episode 5 #nottpun #nott x pun #nottpan #pun x nott #billyseng #analysis

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eggs-can-draw · 1 year

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you: Ok but what if v3 was actually broadcasted me: they would not livestream it to the public, not with their name attached to it, at least you: They use Junko’s old twitch account “How did you even get the password for that???” “Tsumugi is very dedicated” me: but I still feel like they'd want to keep it secret & maybe reveal it if they succeeded, maybe still keep their method secret, because they don't want people to know if they fuck it up, but even more immediately, they don't want people to believe they failed to protect the Ultimates in the meantime Yin: oooo and this is how the parents learn what's happening to their kids! they didn't broadcast the other 49 but they broadcasted this one! "you used MY SON AS A BACKUP SHUICHI?!?!?! and made him PARTICIPATE IN 49 OTHER KILLING GAMES?!?!!" you: And even then if things go too terribly they could easily just blame it on the remnants me: the Remnants they have supposedly taken down during DR3? you: “Oh noooooo the remnants escaped and kidnapped some kids! In their desperate attempt to appease the late Junko they recreated her killing game with these innocent NHPA students!” me: if they blame the fanatic stragglers it makes them seem useless, if they blame the main RoDs it reveals a previous cover-up, if they claim the project as theirs there'll be huge backlash and then doubled, tripled when it doesn't even succeed. I assumed "taken down" means killed. you: They can be vague if it fits the story me: but why would they want to make it public from the start? it causes those complications for them you: Don’t worry about it guys (I don't think I'll listen to that)

firedemongaming: The irony that they tried to make Shuichi the ultimate hope and had Rantaro as a back-up, but neither of them were actually the ones to become the ultimate hope, it was canonically Kii-bo

Nanami anon: “The Remnants of Despair are not a threat anymore” [16 years later] “So um. About the Remnants of Despair…” One overworked PR employee sobbing in the background

Yin: to show off "LOOK WE MADE A NEW ULTIMATE HOPE!" "and how did you do that?" "uhhh no comment" me: that's what would happen if they only made a reveal after succeeding, otherwise people will know HOW and that's an issue Yin: shrug maybe they livestreamed accidentally instead of video lol me: just. accidentally making a several weeks long stream without realizing you:Oopsie woopsie someone accidentally hit start stream

firedemongaming: Branch 14 is PR, Branch 14 is the branch naegirigami belongs to. The pr team is definitely not helping them this time XD I was explaining what branch 14 is in canon. I'm aware Byakuya and Kyoko aren't in it anymore in the AU. Doesn't change the fact that they pissed off their PR team AND their mascot Nanami anon: The project heads poached one (1) member of branch 14 to help with this. It’s not going well Yin: ......they purposely pissed off their PR team? lol me: the person, supposed to click "record" got distracted by seeing Makoto trip, clicked stream instead Nanami anon: … midway through V3 Makoto hosts a press conference since they kicked him out of the observation room. The FF is FUCKED

firedemongaming: Is it the eggman callout post of shadow? Nanami anon: Makoto: I'M WRITING A CALLOUT ON MY TWITTER DOT COM firedemongaming: 'BUT I'M GOING HIGHER! I'M PISSING ON THE MOOOOOOON!' you: “I'VE COME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT THE FUTURE FOUNDATION IS FULL OF BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKERS”

firedemongaming: long story short. FF is overthrown. The people try to install Makoto as emperor. Makoto has to quickly find legitimate reasons to convince them not to. Byakuya is just in the background 'do it coward' Yin: Makoto: I appoint my husband as emperor as I think he can do it better than I can Togami: oh I know I can do it better firedemongaming: 'i know I can do it better. But I'm not about to steal the glory from you. I'm more than happy to be a shadow ruler from the sidelines' Yin: Makoto: I don't want the glory! I want to be a house husband! you do it! me: Togami proceeds to dismantle FF into several smaller organizations with less power to avoid that shit happening ever again, like, sorry, but we can't have one organization that's above the law and does whatever they want because they're saviors if society is ever to properly recover firedemongaming: 'instead we'll install this one family that's above the law and does whatever they want because their family heads are saviours' me: no, no, he doesn't stay as the leader of all of them firedemongaming: I was making a joke about the emperor bit

... but I still think about the logic of immediately trying to fill up the position of absolute power when it's being taken down, why is this actually a realistic thing people would do. Eh, on to the next bomb in your askbox

Love me some sonic snap cube duo references

#eggs can answer

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lindalung · 6 months

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Lo and Behold Homoeroticism rant Part Two

If you missed my first part you can go 2 posts back to read it but I just want to add onto my thoughts

The lack of queer characters in TVB shows is nothing new, and on the rare occasion when they remember that LGBTQ+ people exist, it's treated as a joke (ie. queerbaiting the bromance of a character, but no homo bro! or characters defensively insisting that they're straight). We get it, it's target audience is on the conservative side, but it is admittedly tiring to watch sometimes as a queer audience member.

From my previous "essay" you know I've delved into the relationship between the characters Linda Lung and Hung Sheung Sin (the main source of my hyperfixation). I think it's wild how TVB has accidentally created one of THE richest, most intriguing homoerotic dynamics in television history without intending to do so. They're meant to be straight characters, but don't realize how much potential this pairing could have, and how much evidence in canon they've accidentally (or is it intentional??) made. I can't help but think that if this was in an American tv show, it could be such a well made pairing. But of course, even American shows rarely do queer ships well.

What sparked this rant was episode 1228 it's crazy how to fathom that they'd rather have literal incest (Kam Shing On developing a crush on his mother Hung Sheung Sin after a hypnotism session) before portraying healthy queer relationships. They've had Linda accidentally having a crush on Sheung Sin's boyfriend after he saved her from a motorcycle accident (which was actually revealed to be Sheung Sin's dad, which makes it worse). It seems like they'll do everything to dance around the concept of actually having these two women fall for each other before actually making it happen. Though of course, given their track record I wouldn't trust them to do it well and it'd be a joke anyway. It's like how they notoriously queerbait the bromance between Kam Shing On and his best friend Chu Ling Ling, but of course it's no homo. In this episode they also made sure to include a shot of Linda's husband Sung Shui Fai doing the "heroic catch" on Shing On (something Linda/Sheung Sin have done too, mind you); then at the end of the episode Sheung Sin asks her son "Wait, you haven't fallen for Sung Shui Fai, right?" and he defensively reassures her that no matter what, he's only into women. Yes, we get it, that shot was included because haha, gay relationships are suuuch a joke, right?

What's funny is the unintentional inherent homoerotic irony in Sheung Sin hypnotizing her son because she was displeased with his taste in women (which is a whole other rant on why it's problematic), so she hypnotizes him into liking "normal women" (whatever that means) like herself, only to have him fall in love with Linda (after that incest nonsense). The show's reasoning is because Sheung Sin and Linda are very similar, and so after her son fell in love with Sheung Sin, he also fell in love with Linda. What's interesting to me from watching this through a queer lens is that it shows that Sheung Sin is subconsciously in love with Linda. To me, she's trying to impose her "ideal type" onto her son, which is just hilarious to me at how they try so hard to make it not gay, but it in fact inherently is.

It's actually canon and a widely known fact among the characters in the show that Hung Sheung Sin is intensely obsessed with Linda. There are multiple instances of her being so obsessed with Linda that it ruins her entire mood and she spends all her energy on provoking Linda, pushing her buttons, and trying to get a reaction out of her/to piss her off. Linda is obsessed with Sheung Sin too, but to a lesser degree I'd think. Even Sheung Sin's own boyfriend knows that the only thing to motivate his girlfriend is to bring up Linda to her, so that she would be so bothered to be better than her. It's classic homo/psychosexual obsession.

Part three to come...

#come home love #lo and behold #hk drama #tvb #愛回家之開心速遞

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thefatladysang · 1 year

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Lightlark Chapter 2, Electric Boogaloo?

So, immediately after finishing the previous chapter, I got caught up in the absolute SHIT SHOW that is ACFAS, and seriously neglected to continue the endeavor of experiencing Lightlark for myself. Plus some other things involving real life having a chokehold of my schedule but that's not important. In any case, I have free time tonight, nothing extremely pressing, so I thought I'd read chapter 2. Let's go.

So, if I recall correctly, chapter 1 didn't exactly suck too much. I really like the idea of settings that are wild and overgrown with nature, so Isla's home sounded pretty neat. I also mentioned a weakness for the name Poppy and considering one of the characters is named as such, I was actually pretty excited. Then I remembered the nonsensical world-building, the "Starstick", (which now that I think about it is giving me "velvet wrapped steel" vibes despite them NOT being the same thing), and the fact that going to a remote island for the rest of the book means we won't see the two things I was actually looking forward to... So that bodes well for Chapter Two...

.) "... a voice said, dark and striking as midnight." Rhysand? How did you get here? And she didn't even realize her eyes were closed? I kind of get what you're going for here, but really?

.) "There was something grim beneath that grin, a faint shadow that might have become monstrous in the dark." Oh fuck me he really is Rhysand 2.0 isn't he?

.) So, whoever wins the thing gets a bunch of power that came from cursing the other rulers along with getting their own broken? But, it seems like the realms are still cursed, so is it like the Holy Grail War in that no one's truly won yet, or are there random other realms that we just haven't heard of that got their curses broken? (Also, Grim rules a much maligned kingdom that everyone else hates and the Rhysand vibes are getting stronger with each passing line. Please help...)

.) Ok, maybe I should have paid better attention in High School English, but some of these descriptors are just... weird. Like this "Cleo was the oldest among them, even older than the king of Lightlark, who also ruled over the Sunlings. Her age was at odds with her perfectly smooth, youthful face." The King of Lightlark has been mentioned before, so why not put the fact that he rules the Sunlings (I think?) back when he was first mentioned? Or why not save it for the King's entrance when it would make sense to reveal that he rules the Sunlings (apparently)? It almost reminds me of the House of Night's writing style, and my hate-boner for that series is STRONG.

.) "She had been so focused on them, that she hadn't gotten a chance to truly take in her surroundings." AKA, the author forgot to describe the setting until just now so let's throw it in.

.) "Shiny cliffy thing..." Holy moly... there are no words...

.) I think I said something like this in the previous chapter's posts, but good GOLLY there's got to be a better way to go through these exposition dumps. Have it be part of some ceremonial speech the Head Honcho King gives or something. But don't just plunk it in the middle of a scene with hardly a warning...

.) Falling in love lets you take someone's powers, so the King who apparently won the superpower lottery is paranoid and untrusting... Our main girl ends up with him, doesn't she? (Either him or Rhys 2.0...)

.) "He looked like night come to life." Is... is this just ACOTAR fan fiction?

.) Oh! So Isla and the Celeste are in cahoots!? I'm sure that's not gonna bite either of them in the ass later...

Well, that's Chapter 2 down. Like I said, the story itself is pretty... eh... I don't exactly hate the idea, but the execution leaves much to be desired. I kind of see the "irony" behind each land's curses, kind of. Sunlings can't feel the sun's warmth. Wildlings are cursed to be, well, wild. Starlings have short, fleeting lifespans. Kind of like a shooting star going out before you can even notice it. Or maybe I'm just giving Alex Aster more credit than I should. I'm still salty about the character that is Rhysand in all but name... Once again, it does not bode well. On another note, Isla's plan seems kind of... dumb. She wants both her AND Celeste to win and break their curses. But I also get the idea that there can only be one "winner" or the Centennials. Or NO winner given that they're all still cursed... Well, that's all for now. Hopefully Chapter 3 won't take that long to get around to...

#lightlark #alex aster #booklr

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biogreys · 2 years

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Depersonalization cure stories

#DEPERSONALIZATION CURE STORIES PROFESSIONAL#

The patients experience signs of reactive depression with sadness, hopeless, self-belittling and self-criticism. A patient blames himself, his “evil habits,” “wrong life style,” neglecting medical advice or family warning. The second type of the negative emotional and psychological reactions to ineffective treatment of depersonalization is one with the negativity directed inside.

#DEPERSONALIZATION CURE STORIES PROFESSIONAL#

However, an attentive and listening professional is able to see, behind this defense, the true pain of a suffering patient who is exhausted and desperate for understanding and help. Such attitudes negatively interfere with treatment, compromising the best therapeutic efforts. The patients complain that “it hurts to find yourself left without support, just one-to-one with the suffocating pain of unreality.” As a result, the patients might develop a confrontational attitude to treatment ranging from dry irony to defensive opposition. They experience resentment, mistrust and anger toward mental health practitioners or their own families and friends. Patients with the first type of reactions direct their negative feelings outside, accusing “incompetent physicians,” “unskillful therapists,” “wrong medications” and “unsupportive families.” The patients feel mistreated, neglected and disregarded. This typology is based on the direction of patient’s frustration and other negative feelings. Three types of negative emotional and psychological reactions to ineffective treatment of depersonalization could be discerned. In many cases, the more a patient ruminates, “why do I keep failing to gain relief from depersonalization?”, the more pessimistic, disappointed and angry the patient feels. Again and again a patient goes over and thinks through the story of trying to fix her depersonalization, scrutinize all details of psychiatric consultations, effects of medication and comments of therapists. Reflection that are so typical for people with depersonalization, frequently dramatically advance to a near-obsessive analysis of the process of treatment. The signs of this distress vary from annoyance and frustration to anger and despair. In addition to struggling with feeling unreal and detached, a person suffers from distress of not being able to move toward recovery. The symptoms of depersonalization itself are aggravated by the patient’s emotional and psychological a reaction to having those treatment resistant symptoms. The third stage is characterized by complication and extension of the clinical picture. The first and second stages have been described in two previous posts. Finally a person with depersonalization has an opportunity to enter the fourth stage: living life with depersonalization at its most optimal level. Unfortunately, in many cases the second stage is not resolved by recovery, but instead followed by the third stage: distress on realization that in spite of extended, diligent (and frequently very expensive) treatment, depersonalization still persists. The second stage comes with hopes for recovery after the diagnosis of depersonalization has been made. The first stage is anxious uncertainty prior to depersonalization having been diagnosed. Stories of people with depersonalization demonstrate four stages of a relationship between a patient and his or her disease of unreality of self and world. And I owe you my apologies for tardiness with this post. I owe you deep gratitude for your ideas, advice and stories. First, my most sincere thanks to all who support this blog with their notes, remarks and comments.

#Depersonalization cure stories

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twilight-orchid · 3 years

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How the Undatebales React After A Fight

Thank you to my friendo @wholelottatiffy who helped me brainstorm this one. I’m only on chapter 19 at the moment, so I haven’t interacted with anyone but Diavolo much. And thank you to everyone who wanted a follow up to my previous post, I did not expect that. Y’all are super sweet!

tw: Fighting (a bit more in depth than my first post), description of panic attack, minor name calling, insecurity, depression, angst with resolution.

Diavolo:

Diavolo doesn’t know what to do with himself.

To start, we need to talk about how the argument unfolds.

He’s not used to arguing.

He’s Lord Diavolo, Prince of The Devildom, head of the RAD student council. No one defys him on anything.

So you raising your voice at him, trying to get him to see your way,

It was very overwhelming.

He tried to reason calmly with you at first, but he felt cornered.

When fight or flight kicked in, his body chose fight.

His wings burst open in all their glory as he screamed back, his towering frame far more intimidating than yours.

The blind rage is slapped out of him when he sees your terrified face.

If you’re at the castle, he’ll order you to leave if you haven’t already. Anywhere else, he’ll turn and leave without a word.

He wants to put distance between you both for fear of making things worse.

He absolutely cannot believe he just blew up at you. He would have never thought he'd raise his voice at his partner regardless of the situation.

He can’t shake the image of you flinching from him from his mind.

Now, being the prince of hell certainty has it’s perks; He has power, influence, and everything he could want.

But the one thing he wants the most seems to evade him no matter what: a friend.

A real friend.

He has Barbatos and Lucifer, but it’s Barbatos’ job to accompany the prince, and Lucifer is bound to Diavolo whether he likes the future king or not.

MC was the first person who chooses to be with and around him for no other reason than the fact that they love him.

And now he’s terrified them. Gotten in their face and screamed at them.

He assumes he’s permanently driven you away.

As soon as you leave or he gets home, he rushes to find Barbatos. To explain what happened and hope his butler would know what to do.

He’ll text Lucifer and ask him to check on you as well.

He just feels lost.

He wanders the palace aimlessly and he can’t focus on his work without his thoughts drifting to you.

He doesn’t feel like going to school or even getting out of bed. He doesn’t want to speak to anyone - to put on a happy face and pretend his world isn’t shaking.

Yet, a prince has his responsibilities. He will go about his normal public appearances as usual, smile and laugh and carry on, but it’s a mask.

Those close to him clearly notice the prince isn’t himself.

After school he visits the spots that you two visit together frequently.

Anything to make him feel as if you are still at his side.

If you don’t sleep in his bed that night, he’ll take it as proof that he was right and that you don’t want to be with him anymore.

He doesn’t sleep that night. He clutches your pillow that still smells of you and just bawls.

He will tell Barbatos he feels unwell the next morning and to postpone his obligations for the day.

This prompts Barbatos to seek you out and see if he can help resolve the issue.

Barbatos tries to stay out of your relationship as he doesn't feel it's his business, but his job is to assist Diabolo in any way necessary. And right now, he needs you more than anything.

If you sleep at his side still, it will be a glimmer a hope. That all may not be lost.

He’ll give you you space that night. He’ll walk around you on eggshells but always watch you from the corner of his eye to gauge the temperature.

He avoids your gaze, stays on the other side of the room as you prepare for bed, and as much as it kills him, doesn’t hug you or kiss you goodnight.

He spends the night staring at your sleeping face and making silent promises that, if you forgive him, he will never let this happen again.

He thinks of how to apologize. What he could say, what he could do.

Ultimately though, it feels like everything he could think of is too little of an apology.

He pretends to be asleep when he sees you stir and decides to let you choose if you want to forgive him on your own.

You will have to approach him first.

He thinks losing his temper with you was unacceptable and feels like he has no right to ask for your forgiveness.

Worse, he’s terrified of not being given forgiveness.

Thus, I feel a fight with Diavolo will take as long as you let it. He’s willing to suffer as long as you need him to.

Barbatos:

Barbatos doesn’t argue. He sits quietly and watches you, his responses calm but absolute.

He’s no pushover, he will defend his side, but he’s not going to enter a screaming match. It’s just not him.

You know you’ve really gotten under his skin when he offers a tight, forcefully pleasant smile.

He finally shuts down the conflict with "It's your right to feel that way just as it's mine to disagree." And leave it at that.

Post argument, he will avoid you and lock his feelings about the fight inside.

He tells himself he doesn’t have time to deal with the terrible feeling clawing at his heart and takes to his duties as an escape.

If you sleep in another room, he realizes that this isn’t a minor disagreement and he’s suddenly very distressed.

His instinct is to use his future vision.

To scour the timelines and see how the different versions of himself handle it and to replicate the one with the most desirable outcome.

However, he stops himself. He feels it isn’t fair to you.

You have a right to be upset about things and he doesn’t want to manipulate the situation, and by extension, you.

Thus, he must find another way to cope.

He’s always a devoted butler, but it’s not his whole life.

He takes time for himself throughout the day and in the evenings. Unless Diavolo needs him, nights are usually his to do with as he wants.

Now, however, his identity becomes Diavolo’s butler.

He’s constantly asking for extra work and hovering more than usual around the young lord in hopes of being given a task.

Diavolo finds it odd and asks about it, but he brushes it off. This isn’t anyone else’s business, least of all his employer’s.

Even though Barbatos won’t tell him, Diavolo can clearly tell his friend is off.

In hopes of giving him something to distract himself with, Diavolo requests hellfire mushroom rolled cigar cookies and Barbatos jumps on the opportunity.

Baking has always been his escape as well as his happy place. Diavolo’s favorite isn’t easy to make, so he looked forward to the task.

And it worked. Keeping track of the ingredients, the steps, and the technique required was enough to occupy his mind.

But then it was time to wait for it to bake.

He suddenly feels trapped in the suffocating silence of the kitchen.

His mind replays the argument on repeat as he falls down a rabbit hole of what ifs.

He loves you more than anything and the last thing he could ever want is for you to be mad at him.

No, the worst thing would to no longer be able to call you his.

Suddenly, he becomes aware of the sharp scent of burnt food.

He jumps up and runs to the oven. He’d been so lost in thought he hadn’t noticed the timer go off.

He pulls the blackened desert out, puts the cookie sheet on the stove top, and just stares at the burnt cookies.

His sight blurs and a soft sob escapes from the prison he’s created in his heart.

He wasn’t crying because he burnt the cookies, but because they were a visual representation of everything he’s been trying to suppress.

Once he collects himself, he knows he can’t continue like this.

He doesn’t want to invade your space in case you’re still mad, but he needs a resolution.

He’ll send a quick text and silently begs you to respond.

“MC, I understand if you are still upset with me, but would you be willing to talk though it? I look forward to hearing from you.”

If you still sleep with him that night, it is a great weight off of his shoulders.

He hopes it means that it will be easier to make up with you and that you aren’t too mad.

When you wake up, he will be watching you like he has all night with a small, tired smile.

He’ll put on your favorite tea as you get ready for the day then asks if you’d be willing to talk things over.

Because of how it affects both his job and himself, a fight with Barbados will not last long. He’ll seek a resolution by one, maybe two days tops.

Solomon:

Lucifer may be the avatar of pride, but Solomon can certainly give the demon a run for his money.

In the moment of a particularly heated argument, he absolutely will not admit he’s wrong.

In fact, he really doesn’t consider it a possibility.

There’s no point in trying to get him to see your side until things have calmed down. It’s like talking to a brick wall.

He won’t yell, but he gets a pissy, condescending tone and almost talks down to you.

If you really push his buttons, his patience with this “useless” argument runs out.

“Oh please, listen to yourself! You’re acting like a dull child!”

Freezes as soon as it leaves his mouth.

He didn’t mean to say that.

He opens his mouth to apologize immediately, but upon seeing your hurt reaction he becomes flustered and can’t get the words out.

He’ll simply turn and leave.

He’s absolutely furious with himself.

Solomon is old and wise. He’s seen many things, been many places, and he knows many things.

Sometimes though, he needs a reminder that he doesn’t know everything.

Even if he still feels he was right, he knows name-calling is unacceptable.

In fact, he doesn’t miss the irony that he was the one being childish.

His self-fury is replaced by overwhelming worry if you sleep in another room that night.

Of all the treasures he’s come across, none were as precious as you.

He can’t stand the thought of losing you because of his thoughtlessness.

For once, he feels like an idiot.

He locks himself in his study that night and brainstorms on how to make it up to you.

He decides to approach you in the morning at RAD. He’s terrified that you think he actually meant the insult and wants to clear the air as soon as possible.

He’s afraid of you taking anything less than his highest praise to heart or for you to think that he views you as below himself.

The thought of how he must have made you feel makes him sick to his stomach.

The more he thinks about it, the more his body demands that he act.

While he has many virtues, patience is not high on his list.

Assuming you returned to The House of Lamentation that night, he’ll text Asmo to explain what happened and asks if he’d let him in first thing in the morning.

Thus, when you leave to head for breakfast, be careful not to trip over your sorcerer who’s seated against the wall outside of your room.

He scrambles to his feet, his hair and clothes a mess and bags heavy under his eyes.

“MC! Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. I just- *sighs* I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that. Would you be willing to discuss the matter again? The right way this time.”

If you do sleep with him, he’s at least relieved that you don’t seem like you plan to leave him.

Once again, however, he wants to clear the air as soon as he can.

You’ll both be sitting in silence as you get ready for bed. He’s clearly lost in thought, his eyes focused unblinking on his feet and any movements slow and disjointed.

He's not sure how to apologize, if it's too soon, and is afraid to make things worse if it's not an appropriate time.

However, seeing you move about the room he decides to risk it so he doesn't risk losing you.

Suddenly, he stands up straight and locks eyes with you.

“MC, we don’t have to talk about the fight tonight, but I need you to know that I didn’t mean what I said. I’m sorry.”

It’s up to you if you want to forgive him immediately, but he will at least apologize for the insult as soon as he gathers his thoughts.

Simeon:

If you yell at him, Simeon is just gonna sit there stunned

Your relationship is usually as laid back as he is, so he doesn't know what to do with you blowing up at him.

All he knows it that this is bad and he needs to find a way to make you happy again.

The thought of losing you takes precedence over everything and, though he will not sway to your side just because you’re upset, the argument loses any worth it had to him.

He’ll go to Solomon almost immediately in hopes your fellow human might know better about how arguments are resolved between human couples.

He becomes very distressed when Solomon says everyone handles it differently. He then asks what he should to make up with you specifically.

He doesn't have a defined emotion right now, he's just on edge. He wants to gather information first and foremost so he can figure out what to do from there.

He’s just a walking ball of anxiety and those close to the angel even become concerned. No one has seen him like this before.

If you decide to sleep in another room, the anxiety just takes over.

His chest feels like fiery chains are crushing his ribs, he can hear his heart is hammering in his head, and his body begins to shake as if he were buried in an avalanche.

He doesn’t realize he’s crying as he struggles to breathe.

Solomon had expected something like this may happen so he made sure to be nearby to help coach him though it.

Once he’s calmed down, Solomon urges him to talk to you as soon as possible.

Simeon isn't sure though. True, he wasn't in a good place, but he didn't want to push you if you weren't ready to talk.

He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t feel like he can think let alone coherently tell you how he feels.

He begins to feel overwhelmed again and decides to try writing down his thoughts in hopes of it helping him sort through the tsunami of emotions consuming him.

While it doesn't completely calm him down, it does help.

He stares down at the messy, tear blotted papee and has an idea.

The next morning you should expect to find a hand-written letter slipped under you door.

The letter is long and and rambling. His usually pristine handwriting is as shaky as his hands were when writing it.

It's not as dense and heartbroken as his original one, but the further it goes the more desperate his words become.

He writes about how much you mean to him and apologizes for allowing things to get that intense. He writes that he loves you and doesn’t want to lose you.

He reminisces about his favorite memories of you two together more than once.

Finally, that no disagreement you two could ever have is more importantly to him than being with you.

It's really just a collection of everything sitting on his heart at the moment.

That day at RAD he’ll watch you from the sidelines and pray you approach him about the letter so you two can work things out.

If you still sleep in his bed, he’ll be very conflicted about if he should approach you yet.

He’s afraid of making it worse if you’re still mad.

However, Simeon is an open book when it comes to his emotions so you will absolutely be able to tell that he’s freaking out.

So please, save the man a terrible night and talk it though with him.

He wants you to not be angry anymore, but even if you’re still upset just having concrete information to cling to will help him immensely.

He’s thinking of all the worst case scenarios and needs reassurance that the relationship isn’t over.

Simeon will try to make up within a day, so however long it lasts after that is up to you.

Luke (MC is his best friend):

Luke will be very, very distressed.

You’re his best friend aside from Simeon. Friends don’t fight like this, right?

Wait, so if you’re fighting with him, does that mean you’re not his friend anymore???

As soon as the thought enters his mind, he decides that must be the case.

Real friends don’t fight with each other like this.

Externally he takes a “I don’t need a lousy human like you for a friend anyway” attitude.

He’s not just testy with you though, anyone who interacts with him that day learns that chihuahuas bite.

Simeon immediately realizes something isn’t right and is very concerned.

As soon as he asks him what’s wrong, Luke's mask of anger is discarded and he tosses himself in the older angel’s arms crying hysterically.

He doesn’t want to lose you for a friend.

I doubt Luke has ever truly argued with someone so this uncharted territory is earth shattering to him.

Simeon, as he tries to calm Luke, he will text you and ask you to come to wherever they are immediately.

Because of Simeon’s intervention, the fight will only go undiscussed for a few hours max.

Again, sorry if I don’t know these characters as well as I’d like yet. Thank you for reading!

#obey me #obeyme #obey me shall we date #obey me diavolo #obey me diavolo x reader #obey me diavolo x mc #obey me barbatos #obey me barbatos x mc #obey me barbatos x reader #Obey me solomon #obey me solomon x reader #obey me solomon x mc #obey me simeon #obey me simeon x reader #obey me simeon x mc #obey me luke #obey me undateables #obey me headcanons

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nikakistos · 3 years

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The Perfect Closure of EreMika

The title is pure clickbait (as always), there will be lots of tags (as always) and this post will be huge. As always. So, let’s examine and evaluate the perfect conclusion of the most important relationship in Attack on Titan. We will analyze why this is the best conclusion they could have gotten and of course we are going to talk about what their scenes meant for their relationship, their feelings for each other and the themes of the story.

First, let’s ask the question: What was the purpose of this chapter? Ending the fight obviously, but also giving closure to the relationship between Eren and Mikasa. Now, there were 3 questions that needed to be answered in order for the two of them to have closure.

Why did Eren say to Mikasa that he hated her?

What does Eren feel for Mikasa?

What would have happened if Mikasa had given Eren a different answer back in chapter 123?

Isayama answered all 3 of them in a spectacular way. Let’s see how he did it. The chapter literally starts with Isayama, via Mikasa, setting up the closure. This was achieved by having her wonder if this really was the end for her and Eren. Could it be that their last interaction ever ended with him saying that he hated her?

Isayama answers that with a big, fat NO.

That’s the purpose of Mikasa’s vision. Mikasa’s vision is not there to introduce us to Alternate Universes or to portray her as a delusional fangirl that can’t cope with reality. It’s purpose is to answer the above 3 questions. And that it does.

Essentially, Mikasa’s vision is a “What if” scenario. If Mikasa had chosen the ideal for her answer back in chapter 123, Eren would have abandoned everything and lived with her. This means that Eren is also in love with her. He said that he hated Mikasa, because he wanted her to forget him. That’s why he also asked her to throw away the scarf.

Mikasa though, being the truest representation of all major, positive themes in the series says no. She chooses to remember him. That’s essentially the meaning of life. That’s what Armin taught to Zeke back in chapter 137. Memories of everyday life. That’s the meaning of life. Back in Trost, Mikasa said that she couldn’t die, because she wouldn’t be able to remember Eren. Even back then, Mikasa always knew the true meaning of life.

Afterall, the series heavily criticizes the usage of memory manipulation. Deleting memories or altering them have been methods empoyed by the Royal Family for years, hiding the truth from the people. One of the themes of the Survey Corps is remembering their fallen comrades and carrying on the torch. Mikasa forgetting Eren would be an insult to the themes of the story. As would be if Eren was revealed to have been sending fake memories and dreams to Mikasa out of pity for her.

Finally, Mikasa decides to kill Eren. Not because he hated her or because he didn’t have romantic feelings for her. Because she had to save the world and because that’s exactly what Eren wanted. Back in chapter 133 Reiner foreshadowed Eren’s desires. He explained that it is very hard for Eren, mentally, to handle the murder of the entire human race. Through Reiner, Isayama reveals that Eren wants someone to end it all for him. That someone was Mikasa. That’s why Mikasa knew where to find Eren. His relieved face when he saw her swinging the blade said it all. That was Eren’s design and Mikasa delivered.

And so, the chapter that starts with Mikasa thinking that the only closure she would get with Eren was the “I’ve always hated you”, ends with the first and the last kiss between the two of them that puts all of her worries to rest.

Is Mikasa delusional?

I’ve seen this being thrown around, so i have to also tackle said point. No, Mikasa is not delusional. This wasn’t a fantasy that only she experienced. This dream of hers is the same dream that Eren had back in chapter 1. Eren experienced the exact same things she did in the dream. We even see him with his titan marks. It is clear as day that they shared these moments.

Also, i have to give credits to Isayama here for his usage of “itterasshai”. The word generally means “Go and come back safely” and is usually said to people leaving the house. For Mikasa, Eren is her home, but she is also home for him, as shown in the RtS arc:

These were the perfect parting words for the two of them. Nothing else could encapsulate their relationship better. Eren of course, won’t come back, but that’s the irony of the word here.

Moving on to the next point, Mikasa’s characterization in this final arc is about her seeing Eren for the person he truly is and stop ignoring his faults. It starts from the Marley arc and it concludes with chapter 123 where she realizes that this was simply part of Eren’s nature.

He always had it in him to become the monster that he became. However, he always had a different side to him. A side that had been shown to her a few times. At first, when he wrapped the scarf around her and later when he asked her “What am i to you”. Finally, it manifested as a desire to live quietly with her in their shared dream. It would contradict her development and characterization in the final arc, to have Mikasa start seeing an incomplete Eren again, after realizing earlier who he really was. Mikasa understood who Eren truly is and she accepted him and continued to love him anyway, even though she didn’t agree with his genocide.

It is not out of character for Eren to run away with her either. At least not in that instance. The series highlights the moment that he asked Mikasa “What am i to you” as a pivotal one. Sure, under normal circumstances, Eren would have chosen to fight, but we saw him breaking down just moments earlier. The only person that could have saved him was Mikasa. Alas, that wasn’t meant to happen.

In any instance, the biggest indicator that Mikasa is not just a delusional girl who kissed the decapitated head of the man she loved, when he never really loved her in the same way, is Ymir’s face at the end of the chapter.

Ymir, as i have mentioned in previous posts, is a girl who never knew real love during her lifetime. She didn’t understand what she was looking at, when she first say a couple kissing with their friends cheering them on. And after that she was sentenced to a cruel life, with a man who never loved her and only viewed her as a tool. This girl, remembers longinly that scene of the couple kissing for 2000 years. She was waiting for 2000 years to see real love again.

She witnessed that through Eren and Mikasa. In a scene that would have otherwise been painted in a negative light, Ymir’s warm smile at the sight of the final act of love between two people who never got to be together the way they wanted to, clears any and all doubts regarding Eren’s feelings for Mikasa and the latter’s sanity. Eren reciprocates Mikasa’s feelings and he was alive for enough time to kiss her back, before completely fading away. Eren and Mikasa replaced the married couple and Ymir replaced the crowd that was cheering at them from 2000 years ago.

Of course, one might ask, could Eren really kiss her? Didn’t she just take advantage of him? No, he did kiss her. The way the scene was directed, it shows us that the events, which take place in their dream, mirror the events in real life. Just look at Eren’s lips one moment before Mikasa kissed him and compare them to the picture above, where they kiss. They are different.

Also, you have to remeber that decapitation doesn’t kill immediately and does not immobilize facial muscles. That was the entire reason that Eren and Zeke managed to get the Coordinate. Eren survived long enough from Gabi’s shot to make contact with Zeke. Even his facial expression changes as you can see below:

More importantly, was there really any chance that Ymir would look at Mikasa beheading and kissing Eren, while also smiling in approval, if Mikasa was a delusional girl who was unable to understand Eren’s feelings for her up to the very end? Most of all, do you think she would have allowed him to die, without experiencing real love? She died in such a way and she stayed for 2000 years in the Paths waiting for someone to show her real love. Eren was her benefactor. Would she ever allow him to die in such a way, when she was being mistreated (sexually and in many other ways) by King Fritz? I doubt it. Actually no. I don’t doubt it. I’m sure this is not the way we are meant to interprete the scene.

Eren’s relationship with Mikasa, from the very start, is an allegory for the world of AoT. The world is cruel, but is also very beautiful. Eren’s story with Mikasa starts with him murdering in cold blood her kidnappers (cruelty) and then warmly and gently welcoming her to his family by wrapping a scarf around her (beauty). Their story ends with Mikasa decapitating him (cruelty) and kissing him (beauty).

Eren’s tendency for violence has always been portrayed as going hand in hand with his better side. That side has always been represented by Mikasa. It is only fitting for them to have their most beautiful moment happening almost at the same time as their most cruel one. This is how Isayama juxtaposes this duality:

If we interprete this scene as Mikasa being delusional and Eren not being in love with her we get a very disturbing and creepy scene, between an obsessed, psychosis-suffering girl who can’t understand the feelings of Eren, a genocidal maniac who never had any chance or willingness to live a normal life, even though there are hints of that, and a 2000 year old ghost who just happily smiled at the decapitation and forceful kissing of her emancipator. I am pretty sure this is not the message Isayama wants to send. Not simply, because it is a disservice to Mikasa as a character and to her relationship with Eren, which has been one of the most prominent and consistent part of the series from the very first chapter, but because it is also a huge disrespect to Eren as a character as well. Does anyone really think that Isayama would choose to write Eren’s death like that? Not a single important person in the entire story has gotten such an exit. Not even Floch. Even Zeke, who thought that his father never loved him and only used him as a tool, got to see that his father truly did love him, before finally dying. Of course Eren and Mikasa would get the same treatment.

What i mean to say is that Eren and Mikasa’s closure won’t be recontextualized in a way that will paint their feelings for one another and their relationship in a negative light. If anyone’s expecting that, he/she will be disappointed. Eren and Mikasa were confirmed as a canonical couple in chapter 138.

On the other hand, if anyone’s expecting that this wasn’t their real closure and that they will get an even happier ending, he/she is also coping hard. Eren died here in this chapter. There won’t be a scarf rewrap (i’m here to eat my words if it happens), because Isayama gave the couple a kiss. A kiss that was in the makings ever since chapter 50 dropped. And of course, there is not going to be a baby born to Eren and Mikasa. Like, no way it’s happening. Eren is not coming back to life as that would turnish the series and it’s ending.

In conclusion, Eren’s relationship with Mikasa ended in the same way it started. Violently and Beautifully. Tragically and Happily. They acted on their romantic feelings for each other the very moment they had to part ways forever. This is how Isayama hurts us. The essence of a bittersweet conclusion.

EDIT: EATING MY WORDS AS PROMISED. EREN DID REWRAP MIKASA’S SCARF. HE KEPT HIS PROMISE.

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makeste · 3 years

Text

“but I thought about how I needed to say this”

a.k.a. yet another meta dissection of The Apology. I actually wrote most of this up on Friday night based on the original Japanese (@pikahlua has an excellent translation up here, and I also used @hanashimas’ translations as a reference as well), but I wanted to wait until the official release, though that turned out to be a mixed bag to say the least lol.

I would also recommend reading @pikahlua and @class1akids’ breakdowns of this scene (here and here, respectively), because they are excellent, and because if any scene deserves to have as many meta breakdowns written about it as possible, it’s this one.

anyway so here goes.

Caleb did a more accurate job with this than the fanscan, even if he did try his best to take us out of the seriousness of the moment by throwing in that swiss cheese line lol. anyway so there are two things I want to talk about here. the first is the line about Izuku not remembering, which I thought was a nice touch. of course he doesn’t remember what Kacchan said back then. he wasn’t exactly in the soundest emotional state after seeing one of the people he cares about most taking a near-fatal blow that was meant for him. I’d be shocked if he remembers anything about the aftermath (including the way he flew into a mindless rage afterwards) right up until the point when he entered the OFA Interstellar Party Void with Tomura. anyway, so I thought that was a nice callback.

and speaking of emotional states, the other thing I wanted to talk about is the part that Caleb got right which the fan scanlation didn’t. “but I had more to say.” in other words, “stop trying to win on your own” wasn’t just a one-liner; it was meant to be the beginning of a much longer speech. “there were other things that I needed to say.”

like, can we just stop and talk about that for a second. because basically what this means is that in that instant, when Kacchan pushed Deku out of the way and got impaled, his one and only thought was that he needed to apologize to Deku. his life was presumably flashing before his eyes, he had no idea if he was going to survive or not, and the only thing on his mind was how urgently he needed to make things right with his former childhood friend.

moving on!

so I have a confession to make, which is that I am relieved to see Katsuki describing this as the reason why he bullied Deku, as opposed to Horikoshi trying to retcon it into some sort of “secretly he was just trying to protect him and keep him out of harm’s way because he was worried” thing, which ngl would not have gelled very well with me. the thing is that I’m really not a fan of the whole “Kacchan Did Nothing Wrong” mentality that some fans seem to have. like, I have seen all sorts of convoluted attempts to find excuses for Katsuki’s shitty behavior, but in my view those attempts undermine what I love about his character in the first place. Katsuki is such a great character specifically because he is not perfect. his redemption arc is so compelling because he was such a giant asshole at the start. he was completely at fault, and he acknowledges this, and takes full responsibility for it. and that is fucking fantastic.

his arc is so great because it doesn’t rely on garnering sympathy by giving him a Tragic Past, or by trying to foist the blame for his behavior over on someone else. it’s an arc that acknowledges that redemption isn’t something you achieve by making people feel sorry for you; it’s something you have to earn by actively working to change and do better. and by forgoing the “misunderstood/tragic past” route, Horikoshi is making a statement that anyone can go down the wrong path, but that more importantly, anyone can also choose at any time to turn away from said path. there is only one requirement for doing so, and that is realizing that you’ve done wrong, and deciding that you want to change.

anyway, so in chapter 284 Kacchan of course had that whole speech about Deku not taking himself into account, and mentioned how that made him want to keep his distance. and a good chunk of fandom took this to mean that Katsuki’s bullying was actually a misguided response to Deku’s reckless tendencies -- sort of an “if I show him how weak and powerless he really is, I can get him to accept the reality that he’s quirkless, and that being a hero will just get him hurt or killed” type of thing. and I won’t lie, for a good while I was wondering myself if Horikoshi was really going to go down that route. and like I said, I am honestly relieved that he didn’t. not only for the reasons stated in the previous paragraph, but also because the message that would have sent -- that there are certain circumstances in which bullying can almost be excused because the bully had Good Intentions and was just trying to save the other person from themselves, and so it Wasn’t That Bad, Actually -- is all kinds of fucked up to say the least. so yeah, I’m glad we ended up steering well clear of that.

(ETA: this post was long enough already so I edited out the 3 additional paragraphs I originally wrote analyzing the dialogue from 284. but just to be clear, I’m not trying to imply that Kacchan worrying about Deku’s recklessness is a retconned thing that Horikoshi only threw into the story recently, because there are multiple instances throughout the story where he clearly is worried and in total denial of it. but I firmly believe those feelings are not what led to the bullying. they’re two separate things. Kacchan worrying about Deku is what prompts him to yell at him in chapter 1 when Deku comes to save him. but it’s not what incited him to burn his notebook and taunt him earlier in that same chapter. that action had a much meaner and more selfish motivation behind it, and I’m glad Horikoshi didn’t try to change it up last minute, because it wouldn’t have felt right.)

thankfully as of this chapter I think we can safely cross that out as a possibility, as we’re given the true explanation straight from Katsuki himself. and the truth is that he bullied Deku out of insecurity and jealousy and fear and intolerance. there was nothing noble about it. there were no good intentions concealed in his actions. there are no justifications given, no excuses offered, and no mitigating circumstances to be considered, other than the fact (which neither he nor Horikoshi bring up) that he was and is still a child, and that children make mistakes.

it’s an explanation that challenges many of fandom’s ideas on who is and isn’t eligible to be redeemed. there is no Ozai in Katsuki’s backstory. there’s no great tragedy that he spent a lifetime trying to rise above. the only villain in Katsuki’s story is Katsuki himself. the only darkness that he has to overcome is his own. and it’s challenging, because I think many people believe the only way someone can be redeemed for doing bad things is if bad things happen to them in return. but what Horikoshi is saying here is that that’s not the case. bad doesn’t erase bad. and the one and only way to truly earn redemption is by doing good.

and that’s what makes this such a phenomenal scene for me. by not shying away from Katsuki’s flaws and failings, and having him take full responsibility for them, Horikoshi keeps the apology from being self-serving, and underscores the true depth of Katsuki’s character development. the level of self-awareness he has here is something most people can only dream of. which is very fitting, as that’s perhaps the most important takeaway from his character arc -- that it’s only by acknowledging your own weaknesses and flaws that you can learn to overcome them and reach your full potential.

one last thing to point out here, which is that in the panel where Katsuki finally acknowledges his terrible treatment of Deku, Deku is not even visible. instead, Horikoshi drew the panel from a perspective that makes it appear that Katsuki is addressing this particular line not just to Deku, but to all of his classmates.

again, he shows him taking full responsibility and admitting his wrongdoings in front of the people whose opinions and approval he cares about most. and just to clarify in case there’s any confusion from Caleb’s translation, Kacchan’s wording makes it very clear that he wasn’t just “mean” to Deku, but that he full-on bullied him (he uses the same verb -- “ijimeru” (苛める) -- that he did back in chapter 284). there’s no attempt to downplay his actions here.

moving on now, this chapter also reaffirmed another thing about Deku and Kacchan’s relationship which I was glad to see revisited -- Kacchan’s unwavering belief in Deku’s ability. this is one of those paradoxical things about their relationship which I’ve always been fascinated by, but which is also kind of hard to explain, because I don’t want it to come off like I’m trying to put a positive spin on something which was unequivocally awful. like, please don’t think I’m trying to say that Katsuki’s bullying of Deku was in any way a good thing. but that being said, there’s also a strange irony at play here, which is that Katsuki’s jealousy and insecurity also betray the fact that even at his very worst, he never once underestimated Deku. he has always believed in Deku’s strength, even when that strength pissed him off and made him afraid and uneasy.

no one else -- not All Might, or even Deku’s own mom -- believed from the get-go that Deku could become a hero. but Katsuki never once counted him out, even when he was calling him a pebble in his shoe. he confesses here that even though he “tried to act superior by rejecting [Deku]”, in truth he was never able to shake the feeling that Deku was above him. long before he ever understood the concept of “win to save”, he knew instinctively that there was a strength in Deku’s heart that couldn’t be measured, and which had the potential to surpass even his own strength. and I’ve always felt that this was so important, because it’s the one aspect of their early relationship that hinted that on some level, however subconscious, Katsuki held the same type of faith in Deku that Deku always held in him. it was one of the few things that hinted at there being a possible path towards reconciliation one day. and it paved the way for the most important shift in their relationship to date, when Katsuki finally realized who Deku got his quirk from, and responded not with resentment or spite, but with acceptance.

moving on, I also really love the way we see them portrayed at the different stages of their childhood throughout this speech, and how it perfectly lines up with the dialogue. from small children (when Katsuki talks about his insecurities first manifesting), to middle schoolers (when he talks about the bullying), to high schoolers (when he talks about the past year and everything he’s learned at U.A.). Horikoshi really didn’t have to go that hard, but he did, and that’s why we love him.

and then we finally get to That Part.

where do I even start with this there are so many things omg.

the bow. this is the one and only time Katsuki has ever bowed to anyone of his own volition as far as I recall. and this absolutely is a bow, just to be clear, even though his form is straight-up garbage (very Kacchan-esque, with his feet and arms spaced apart because he’s still a punk after all). this is Kacchan showing more humility and respect than he’s ever shown to anyone else in his entire life.

regarding “Izuku”, I actually have mixed feelings about this to tell the truth. I think it was a good call here because it was incredibly effective in setting the tone and showing just how serious Kacchan is. however if he continues to use “Izuku” rather than “Deku” from here on out, that would give the impression in hindsight that all his past usage of “Deku” really was meant as an insult, which would undermine some of my favorite scenes. I would really like to believe that since DvK2 or thereabouts, Kacchan has (mostly) been using “Deku (affectionate)” rather than “Deku (useless loser)”, lol. but if he switches to the “nicer” name on a permanent basis following his apology, it implies that the previous nickname was indeed being used cruelly. and so honestly I hope this was just a one-time thing, because I do think that in Katsuki’s mind, the name “Deku” hasn’t been meant as a slight to him for a long time now.

“my truth/this is what I truly feel” -- the word Katsuki uses in Japanese is honne (本音), and if you’re familiar with the concept of honne/tatemae, that’s the same “honne” he’s talking about here. it means that he’s casting aside all of his walls and facades and expressing what he truly feels. and of course, one of the fascinating things about Katsuki’s character is that he’s the exact opposite of most people in that he chooses to put his meanness on full display to the public, and ironically it’s the kindest parts of himself which he tends to keep the most carefully guarded and hidden away. this also means that while his rage and anger are very often insincere and put on just for show, those relatively few occasions where he lets his humanity truly shine through are pretty much 100% genuine, as is the case with this one here.

and Deku’s face says it all when it comes to how powerful those moments can be as a result.

and this, right here, is why it wasn’t enough for Katsuki to atone solely through his actions, and why he needed to actually say the words as well. it’s not that the words are more important; obviously the actions are far and away the most important part, and carry far more meaning. but the reason why Katsuki needed to say the words as well is simply because Izuku needed to hear them. needed to, and deserved to, because this is one of the most important people in the world to him.

and so he deserves to know that the relationship isn’t just one-sided, and that he is just as important to Kacchan as Kacchan is to him. he deserves to know that Kacchan understands how horribly he treated him, and that he’s sorry for it. and he deserves to know that Kacchan, without any expectation of it changing their relationship -- meaning that he will continue to feel this way regardless of what Izuku says or does from here on out -- cares about him. now more than ever, with AFO out there doing everything in his power to make Izuku feel as alone as possible, this is something that he really, really needed to hear.

so this part has some interesting wordplay which neither Caleb’s translation nor the fan scanlation was really able to get across. basically, in the Japanese version, when Katsuki talks about “those ideals”, Horikoshi uses the kanji for “ideal”, but pronounces it as “All Might.” obviously the meaning of this isn’t too hard to decipher, as we all know how much both boys admire All Might. to them, he absolutely is synonymous with the Ideal. so this is a way of showing that respect they both have towards him, even as Katsuki goes on to point out the one fatal flaw that All Might was never able to overcome.

and speaking of interesting wording, as others have noted, at this point in his speech Katsuki switches from “temee” (which he was using earlier during the “your strengths and my weaknesses” part) to “omae” (“omae” being a less insulting word for “you”, though still very manly and tough-sounding), which is definitely a big deal. though fwiw this is not the first time he’s used “omae” for Deku (he switches to it briefly right after DvK2, when he tells Deku “you had the strongest guy lay the groundwork for you -- don’t lose”, and then later when they’re walking back to the dorms and he says he’ll learn and get stronger by watching everyone around him just like Deku did). it’s definitely a good choice on Horikoshi’s part though, as it makes this last part of the speech sound more earnest and sincere.

just a quick note, he does indeed use a plural pronoun here, as in “the obstacles that you can’t overcome, we will overcome.” but as @pikahlua pointed out, the “we” here is ambiguous -- it could either mean “we” as in class 1-A -- “we will overcome them for you” -- OR it could mean “we” as in all of them -- class 1-A and Deku. “we will overcome them together.” idk about you, but I know which one gets my vote.

anyway, and so this is the line that finally wins Deku over and allows him to let go of his fears, however briefly. what I love about this is Kacchan’s utter conviction. one thing that Caleb’s translation doesn’t quite get across is Kacchan’s use of the word morenaku -- “without exception” -- when he talks about how they’re going to save everyone and win. it echoes that same sentiment he showed back during the Joint Training arc -- that it’s not a perfect victory unless they save everyone. every last person. and he explicitly lists Deku among their number, just so there can be no doubt.

and Deku’s response to this (or at least his thoughts, since he’s not really able to get many words out) pretty much brings everything full circle here.

he acknowledges that everyone else has gotten ahead of him. which is especially meaningful given who he’s standing directly across from. because for most of the series, as we all well know, it’s been Kacchan who was woefully lagging behind Deku in the character growth department. but now Deku himself is acknowledging that not only has Kacchan finally caught up at last, but that he and the others have surpassed him. which is only temporary, I should add, as I have zero doubt that Deku will catch up again soon. but the fact remains that just as Deku’s rapid increase in strength and skill left Kacchan scrambling to keep up earlier in the series, Kacchan’s extraordinary character development has now left Deku in that same position. as All Might once put it, “when he’s starting at level one, and you’re already at level 50, it’s only natural that you’ll be growing at different rates.”

and what’s so wonderful about this though is that the two of them are finally approaching that point where they’ve both caught up to each other and are finally starting to level out. Deku is a full-on badass, and Kacchan is out here talk-no-jutsuing with the best of them. the two of them have been chasing and chasing after each other this entire time, and now they’re finally just about ready to meet in the middle at long last, with each of them fully embodying both of those two crucial aspects -- win, and save.

just about. because Deku still needs some help catching up. but seeing as help has already been offered -- and accepted -- I can’t imagine it will be very long now, and I can’t wait to see him finally overcoming those fears and doubts with his friends by his side. it’s going to be such a powerful moment.

and last but not least,

or, as I prefer,

you had one job, Caleb. flkjsdlk.

but at least this provides a good opportunity to note that unlike the “we’ll help you handle it” line earlier in the speech, here the phrasing is left up to interpretation, as he doesn’t use a pronoun. so it could be “we know”, or, as the fan scanlation put it, “I know.” or it could be both. regardless, it’s good stuff.

anyway, and so Deku passes out, and in the process Horikoshi gives us one last parting metaphor, just in case anyone still thinks Kacchan is all talk because they haven’t been paying attention for the past 322 chapters (more likely than you think). once again, Katsuki’s actions speak louder than his words (even his nice words) ever could: he is literally there to catch Deku when he falls.

so that’s it! my sincere thanks to anyone who actually read through all of my endless ramblings about this scene which I have been waiting for since day one. props to Horikoshi for taking on an impossibly difficult task, and pulling it off with all of the emotion and care and nuance that I’ve come to expect from his writing. imo he delivered on every single level with the exception of the aftermath, which I don’t consider to have actually happened yet. Deku’s part of this is definitely a “to be continued.” but yeah, as far as Kacchan’s part goes, 10/10. so fucking proud of this kid.

#bnha 322 #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bakudeku #bnha meta #bakugou meta #deku meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 3 years

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if carlisle and dumbledore were put in each other's respective stories / dilemmas , how do you think they would react? how would a carlisle cullen have dealt with voldemort/grindelwald? and how dumbledore would have dealt with vampirism, etc? i almost view the two of them as a sort of foil to each other, not yet able to articulate why or how though

I mean, they'd live completely different lives, because they're completely different characters. It's very unlikely they'd end up in the same situations.

But alright.

Carlisle is Dumbledore

Carlisle's born in a working class family that quickly begins to fall apart. His father's sent to prison, his mother dies, his sister has a chronic illness that will never disappear, and it's just him and his brother left with very little chance of a future between them.

Handsome Gellert Grindelwald moves in next store with grand, new, ideas concerning the muggles.

Now, this particular Carlisle won't be Christian, he's a pureblood wizard and we can pretty safely assume that the Dumbledores were no more religious than any other wizarding family is.

It's a little up in the air whether Carlisle would be seduced by Gellert or not. Gellert is learned, foreign, and has all these radical, new, theories that weren't very prevalent at the time (well, anti muggleborn sentiment was, the facism was new). On the other hand though, Carlisle is also a man who once radically changed his own beliefs to something that went against nearly every edict of his previous religion. This is not a guy who takes things for granted and is not afraid to both confront himself and the true nature of the world he lives in.

And he has a deep respect for human life that, had it been any lesser, would have undoubtedly led to him eating humans as a vampire.

So, I'm going to say no, or if he does, it lasts up until Gellert says, "We should totally make the muggles our slaves." The muggles may have irreparably damaged Carlisle's sister, they may be hated by society, but they are free thinking beings who should be enslaved to no one. Carlsile raises his pacifism flag.

As a result, Gellert probably thinks he's a tool. Hot, of course, and intelligent, but a useless tool. Without somebody to bounce ideas off of/confirm his radicalization, Gellert has little to no interest in Carlisle or any of the Dumbledores. Gellert spends his time in Godric's Hollow then goes elsewhere, Ariana lives, at least for now, unclear how long her lifespan was going to be otherwise, Carlisle does not have the Gellert incident, and he and Abeforth remain on good terms.

Carlisle graduates Hogwarts and either is a) bullied into taking Flamel's apprenticeship opportunity by Abeforth who screams "DUDE, GET YOURSELF A FUTURE or b) immediately sets about trying to find a relatively high paying job so he can support the family. In the case of B, I imagine he goes to work for the goblins who seem to hire those straight out of Hogwarts with good enough grades. In the case of A, well, he goes to study alchemy.

Knowing Carlisle, he does a bastardization of both. He studies alchemy under Flamel and then works nights as a bartender in Paris or something to that effect. When he finishes, what career he does then is out in the air.

Given that, as a vampire, he had all the choices in the world open to him in terms of education (and tried many different things) before eventually settling on and sticking with human medicine despite the dangers, I think that's telling. Carlisle probably tries to get a job in something healing related.

However, that strays more into the "What if Carlisle was in the wizarding world" vs. "What if Carlisle was Dumbledore" so we'll say that the idea of teaching appeals to him and he returns to Hogwarts for the Transfiguration position.

This all goes well except then there's a first world war on, the muggle world goes completely insane, and no one understands why Carlisle's so upset.

And now we enter the world where Carlisle starts really making choices in Dumbledore's shoes.

First, Tom Riddle. Carlisle, I imagine, makes 100,000 times of a better impression than Dumbledore on the young Tom. He does not, for one, light his wardrobe on fire and threaten him. Carlisle might think this kid is weird, but he lives in poverty and an orphanage, much of his behavior can be explained from that. I imagine Carlisle becomes determined to take Tom under his wing.

I imagine at first Tom thinks this is excellent, LOOK HOW MUCH HE'S MANIPULATING THIS ADULT! And then he realizes that, no, Carlisle is perfectly aware he's a little shit. He just likes talking to Tom after classes about how to fit in with pureblood society/weird esoteric muggle philosophy.

Trouble is, Carlisle is so damn likeable (see his friends all over the world), that Tom can't help but like him. When the Blitz begins, and Carlisle undoubtedly offers Tom (and any other muggleborn who was not moved to the country) a place to stay, that seals the deal, the wizarding world might suck but Carlisle's a pretty cool guy.

Of course, Tom still thinks the government should be reformed or overthrown, but he and Carlisle actually sit down to talk about things like communism and facism (Carlisle's not a fan though the modern, muggle, form of democracy not practiced in the wizarding world is a weird concept to him).

My point being, it's unlikely this Tom Riddle becomes Voldemort or even really aspires to become him. You want more on that topic, check out these posts.

Grindelwald meanwhile, becomes a bigger and bigger deal, and things start looking... bad. However, it's not immediately obvious that Carlisle's the one who should do something about it. He's not a duelist, he's a professor, and his job is to teach the children. He may have been alright in school, but that was decades ago now. More, unlike Albus, he feels no personal responsibility, he knew Gellert, briefly, yes, but they had no real connection. Gellert spoke about insane things and Carlisle said, "Mm, don't like". Add to that that Carlisle's a pacifist, he's going to insist that someone trained for the position do the job.

Given canon, this means that Grindelwald likely invades and takes over wizarding England and, with a strong enough foothold, enacts his "enslave the muggles" plan. Which very well might result in a nuclear holocaust as Grindelwald was likely not keeping up with muggle technology and the muggle world war.

The muggle world collapses, which in turn causes society collapse, and the world may or may not be a nuclear wasteland that Tom and Carlisle get to wander around.

If Carlisle by some divine intervention has a prophetic dream of "YOU MUST DEFEAT GRINDELWALD OR DOOM DOOM DOOM" then he goes and tries to defeat Grindelwald. Considering Grindelwald has the elder wand, he probably needs Deus ex Phoenix to win, but if it worked for Dumbledore it might work for Carlisle.

Well. No one saw that coming.

Carlisle's an overnight sensation and a national hero, the hero of Western Europe even. He's suddenly being presented medals, honors, seats of power, and Carlisle desperately tries to refuse, feeling very squeamish that he's being given these things because he took it upon himself to murder another human being (yes, even a war lord).

Tom finds this funny and Abeforth is ureservedly proud and tells everybody.

All Carlisle wanted to do was teach children and now he has to reside over trials in the Wizengamot. This is terrible.

As for what happens to the wizarding world from there, well, inertia probably carries it along for a good while. However, antimuggleborn sentiment is still on the rise an even without Voldemort I imagine there's quite a bit of unrest.

I imagine Carlisle, not wanting in any way to be a political figure, is not nearly as outspoken as Dumbledore on anything. He just wants to be headmaster, guys, leave him alone.

Tom may or may not go into politics and do it for him. But he probably ends up teaching too and just laughs as the country collapses.

Harry Potter is an ordinary student who has no prophecy surrounding him. Carlisle did not recruit children to join an illegal resistance movement nor does he have a plethora of spies and moles in the ministry.

Harry Potter canon does not happen.

Dumbledore is Carlisle

Well, Dumbledore undoubtedly also burned witches and very much believed in their existence. An irony there. He may chase the vampire, probably isn't first in the mob, in which case he remains human or dies.

If he does survive being bitten, I imagine it pains him for a while, but I don't see Albus having the same willpower as Carlisle. Or at least, not as much, Albus probably ends up eating people. He at first probably tries to be picky and eats those who harm society in some way (pick your poison for what that means) and then over time becomes less picky.

They're just humans, after all.

Albus probably isn't invited to stay in Volterra, he's not all that interesting. He doesn't become a human doctor, he's just your ordinary vampire. He might hang around libraries as much as he can but that's about as far as that extends.

He probably turns a Gellert equivalent at some point as a mate and they have a grand time together.

Edward is never turned nor the rest of the Cullens and Bella dies in a parking lot.

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #carlisle cullen #albus dumbledore #meta #headcanon #opinion #harry potter #harry potter meta #harry potter headcanon

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