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neoraso · 4 years

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royal guard!minho

requested | some gender neutral hc for how he starts to wish he was maybe more than just a guard to you

to put things lightly, minho was the ace of your entire guard

like he was better than anyone …at everything

so originally he was on (your father) the king’s immediate guard

he was nothing but professional and saved the king too many times to count even from like stepping on rocks idk

when you turned like 17 and had to do more public appearances obv u were in a lot more danger so ur father jumped at having minho reassigned to u as the head of your personal guard “nothing but the best for his child”

the first time you met him… he only nodded or said yes or no to everything u asked him n ur jus like ok not much of a talker that’s not so bad ig haha ʕʘ‿ʘʔ

he was so quiet and “polite” for months despite you constantly trying to get something out of him

ur other guards always tried not to laugh bc if only u knew he had like two friends and was generally a pretty serious guy

but one day there was a festival in your kingdom’s central city so obv you had to make an appearance which u were very excited abt bc you only get to go into town like twice a year and THIS was one of those times

being “of age” and that much closer to taking the throne you might as well have painted a big red target on your head to signal people against the throne

everything was going fine, everyone was having fun and you decided to visit some of the booths and musicians around the square

minho was already suspicious of the situation and tightens the rest of your guard without u evenn rlly noticing but like

just as you turned to show these cute little candies to minho to maybe get a reaction for once -

the second he looks at you, someone moves to grab you but the flash of a knife in his other hand causes minho to jump immediately into action

honestly who knows what rlly happened minho moved so damn fast but the next thing you know, ur in the middle of your whole guard squad

looking through the gaps of their shoulders you see minho pinning down your assailant with a blade against his neck waiting for someone to arrest him even though he rlly wanted to just execute the guy right there

the festivities were kind of killed for u after that bc you and your family were rushed back home which u might’ve been more sad abt if u werent in so much shock :<

obv minho was the one to escort you back but like all he said was “you’re okay?” and after u dumbly nodded with wide eyes he walked with you but kept a hand around your shoulder

no one really talked after that which wasn’t unusual for him but in his mind he was rlly like

“?? ok i know its literally my job to protect this family but?? hm whyyyy do i seem to care sm more rnnn??//?” help him sdhskjd

u just looked so shaken up and disappointed and suddenly he was like damn </3 they rlly have no fun in their life and this one time they could was ruined :///

u had to stay inside for weeks after that bc it turns out there was a whole conspiracy to “eliminate” your family line so you waited in safety until the criminals were “taken care of”

minho had everything triple checked around the castle for your safety and secretly made sure you had extra treats and warm drinks sent to your room sometimes with little notes that he had the cook pretend to have sent because lately he’d heard you had trouble sleeping sometimes he’s shy boy aw

he started to realize how much he had gotten used to your smile and your little jokes and the way you sometimes tripped on the corners of rugs. and he thought maybe it was a good thing you guys didnt have many interactions lately because he was way too attached

you on the other hand, couldnt even rlly complain about having to stay inside so much bc you had everything you needed and- you knew it was for ur safety but- it wassss kind of suffocating at times

u tried sneaking out at first ((just to the garden!!)) which obviously was a bad idea bc it’s impossible to get past minhos fcking hawk eyes lmao

he STILL didnt say anything like he would just follow right behind you

n like u kinda huffed but whatever honestly at least it was just him and not 15 other guards like everyone acted like you needed

plus it was somewhat comforting to have someone so solid around even if he never talked smh

one night you sat near the little pond and tried to calm your mind by watching how the moonlight rippled in the water

you can feel him behind you so u just turn around and look at him ignoring how he was already looking at you

“would you at least sit with me?”

he kind of hesitates bc …what if someone tried to come up behind you? but with the sad look on your face he cant help but give in and sits on the stone bench at the opposite end of you

it becomes actually somewhat peaceful until you just decide to ask everything you’ve been wondering n u just blurt out-

“would it kill you to talk with me once in a while? i mean, talk like a normal person and not a machine? i dont bite i promise..”

he furrows his brow bc he’s shocked you cared at all and also he doesnt rlly know how to respond without being like “its not really in my job description to make conversation” but he honestly just thought you were being talkative out of niceties.

before he could even form a sentence you continued,

“i mean- i’m always trying to get your attention. i dont get to meet many people for obvious reasons but my guards are the closest people to me-literally, and i dont want there to be a big gap between us just because of my status..”

he cuts you off before you ramble yourself to death

“i didn’t know you were this troubled by it… i just take my job very seriously and i dont want to risk anyone’s safety for the sake of conversation”

u almost roll ur eyes but not wanting to be rude ur just like “even at home? i know you’re serious about your duties, believe me, i just… i get lonely.”

smthing inside him literally breakkkssss when you say that like u are such a pure and sweet person that deserves to have all the love and friends and fun in the world so he just gets quiet for a second and looks down

“im sorry.” he said it so softly you almost didnt hear him “i’ll be there for you more- if thats what you need. im essentially in charge of your safety and care and i’ll do anything to fulfill that responsibility.”

ok.

well this was good right? so why did you still feel unsatisfied?

“i dont want to just be a responsibility, cant we just be like friends? or…”

you cut yourself off before talking too much again

you had to admit to yourself you had developed a bit of a liking for minho, not just because he was probably the most handsome person in your kingdom, not even just because he saved your life, but he had really been a pillar of security in your life and you respected his loyalty and ambition.

he was more than admirable and everything you wanted as a standard for your kingdom

sometimes you let your mind wander to him getting on one knee and leading alongside you..

no, now youre getting sidetracked and delusional and he can practically hear the gears turning in your head so he stands up and reaches his hand out for you to grab

“of course you’re more than a responsibility to me, come on, lets go inside it’s getting cold.’

taking his hand and realizing the conversation was over, you moved to link arms instead as he walked you all the way to your bedroom door

u slept a lot better that night

from that point on you could not get rid of minho

like everyone was borderline uncomfortable with how jarring his change in attitude was

like he was constantly behind you looking right over your shoulder or grabbing your arm to stop you from bumping into things

even when he wasnt technically on duty he had taken it upon himself to give you little lessons in archery and even some defensive moves to help you protect yourself in case someone wasnt fast enough to help you

your tried not to get flustered every time he adjusted your form and the way you could feel his breath behind your ear

or the head pats when he walked you to your room at night

or his hand on your back when you guys would take walks in the garden

honestly it did not take long until one night you were sat next to your pond and after some comfortable small talk you noticed how close his face was to yours

but he noticed you didn’t pull away even as he leaned in closer and finally just kissed you

when he pulled away and saw your eyes still closed and how soft you looked his heart almost exploded

“i didnt mean to make things weird i just,, couldnt help myself, sorry”

his rushed confession pulls you out of your daze and you’re so happy (a little shocked) but you’re quick to reassure him

“it’s ok, i’ve been wanting you to do that for a while …”

he’s jus like “rlly?😳”

obviously this complicates things a lot and you aren’t really sure if you would even be allowed to have a relationship with minho bc of ur position

or if he would get in trouble for breaking the rules of attachment to u

all of this is kind of racing thru both of ur minds as you look at each other but you laugh after u both start talking at the same time

you prod him to go first so he grabs your hands and says like

“look i care about you a lot, and i know we’re not really supposed to be doing this but if i can be by your side … beyond my duties…i would really love to. but if we can’t, i can survive with just being here to protect and serve you in anyway i can”

he’s so honest and genuine and earnest it shocked u a little

even tho you were uncertain abt the situation as well you knew you had grown a little too fond and dependent on minho that you would do anything to make it work

luckily an arranged marriage was not required for you so that wasnt really the issue, but falling in love with someone not at all royal..? it was a daunting thought how the idea would be perceived

you wouldnt have said anything if you both weren’t completely sure of your feelings; but you really could not imagine being content or safe spending your life with anyone else so you mustered up the courage to ask the king and queen…

when you brought it up to your parents they looked pretty concerned

minho went on the whole “i’ll do anything to protect them and this kingdom” speech and your father just waved him off and was like

“i know u would …. i’ll allow it because there’s really no one better to represent the kingdom and because i want only the best for my child ;)”

u and minho were literally in shock but just quietly said thank u and left the room

when you had privacy he immediately pulled you in for a kiss (maybe several all over ur face)

you had a lot to figure out and many responsibilities but now you had an amazing person by your side to help you through it :.) <3

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neocityarchive · 4 years

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blind love | l.m.k.

— in which mark lee is so much more than just your best friend but you were too blind to realize it.

word count: 7.2k | warnings: light swearing | blind love - lola young |

a/n: i didnt mean for it to be this long but i hope you enjoy!!!

“Just friends,” Mark said, his voice still steady even in the growing tension of the moment. “That’s all you said we are, right?”

Your head dropped down to look at your hands, not knowing what to say. The overbearing guilt of rejecting his sudden confession was crushing your chest that it became painful to breathe.

“I’m sorry, Mark,” was all you could say. You forced yourself to meet his gaze through your already glassy eyes, wanting to let him know the sincerity of your words.

He smiled kindly, shaking his head. There was sadness in his eyes. And in all the years you two have known each other, you could tell how hard he was trying to hide it. “It’s okay. That’s all we’ll be.”

You bumped your head repeatedly against your study table in an attempt to rid yourself of the memory that’s constantly been playing in your head.

It was a Sunday which meant there were no classes, which meant the university was closed, which meant that you couldn’t even make an excuse to see your best friend Mark who somehow, after almost three years of friendship, suddenly decided that it was a good idea to tell you he loves you more than a friend should love a friend.

You couldn’t say it happened out of nowhere. He’s been saying he has something important to tell you for almost two weeks before the incident but every time you confront him about it, he always makes up some lame excuse to dodge. It took a lot of self-hate for yourself and a nice amount of his protective instinct to finally make him spit it out.

He came to your apartment that night, finding you barefaced, wearing a pair of sweats and one of his hoodies that you stole some time ago. From that he already knew you weren’t okay. You like wearing his stuff to seek some sort of comfort. Somehow, the smell of his clothes helps calm you down.

You were supposed to help him finish a report but you couldn’t concentrate after getting a below satisfactory grade on a major exam. College has done nothing but give you a shitload of insecurities lately and this just pushed you off the edge. The only thing that has been keeping you sane was the knowledge that you had someone who you can run to at the end of the day. Someone who is willing to listen to your rants and would do almost anything to cheer you up.

That day, however, none of Mark’s usual encouragement worked on you. He was getting frustrated hearing you downplay yourself because of a single exam. You started going on about how stupid you felt, how staying up all night to study did nothing but make you ugly. Mark countered every insult you threw at yourself, throwing in a few jokes here and there, all of which you ignored. But when you went on about how all of this made you unworthy of anything, how no one could possibly love you in this state, he just couldn’t take it anymore.

“I love you,” he snapped, cutting you off from your long self-deprecating speech.

“You’re my best friend. You’re supposed to say that,” you whined, clearly missing the point.

Mark, on the other hand, was barely holding it all inside. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “No, idiot. I love you. Stop saying no one could love you, because I do. And not just because you’re my best friend.”

It wasn’t until you noticed his hands were quivering that you realized what he really meant. Looking back on it, you couldn’t help but hate yourself. You were sure it took a lot of his courage (and frustration) to come clean to you like that, and you couldn’t even take him seriously at first.

“Mark, no,” you remember telling him.

“I do. I hate that I do, but I do.” He looked away. “I love you and I know you’re feeling burdened right now, but you don’t have to say it back.”

A part of you broke that day. You hated rejecting people after having gone through several rejections yourself. It’s the worst feeling. You always wished there was a way you could always return people’s feelings just so no one would get hurt, but the universe just doesn’t work that way.

You muttered about a hundred sorries to which Mark replied a hundred ‘it’s okay’s. Maybe it was meant to make you feel better, but it just felt like your heart was getting ripped off your chest.

Mark didn’t stay long after that. You didn’t even get to help him with his report. He said sorry for suddenly dropping the L-word and you said sorry for not being able to say it back. He smiled sadly and it took your everything not to cry. He asked if he could hug you and you didn’t even answer. You just went straight into his arms, burying your head in his chest like you’ve done so many times before, breathing heavily to keep yourself from breaking down. And when the two of you pulled away, he insisted on being alone for a while. You said okay followed by another sorry.

You didn’t know “being alone for a while” meant ignoring you for god knows how long. You see him at uni but he wouldn’t even meet your eye. Even when you share the same class, he would choose to sit as far from you as possible. Once, he entered a cafe you were in and upon seeing you inside, he immediately turned around and walked away.

He’s ignoring you and he isn’t even being subtle about it. Mark Lee could never be subtle about anything, not even his feelings. You really were just too blind to realize anything.

Even other people saw how he felt. People used to come up to you all the time and ask about your “boyfriend” Mark. Sure, you would blush, shy that people thought you’re in a relationship with your best friend. When you explain that you weren’t actually dating, you would get the same shocked reaction every time. One of your friends even said you acted more like a couple than most people in a relationship do. You always thought it was just because you and Mark were such good friends.

“Friends don’t hold hands in public,” you remember Renjun saying.

“We don’t hold hands. He just grabs me and drags me to places,” you said defensively.

“And they don’t hug each other and stare at each other’s eyes while talking about pizza,” Jaemin scoffed.

You just rolled your eyes at them. It never crossed your mind that maybe they were right. You and Mark have never acted like how friends should. Maybe it’s the reason why you’re in this mess after all.

You sighed to yourself. You miss him. You can’t even pretend that you don’t. He’s become such a huge part of your everyday life that you couldn’t just ignore the sudden empty space he left when he said he wanted to be alone. You know he needed time to be by himself. But a part of you keeps holding on to his promise that even after his confession, you two would still be friends. And friends text each other, right? So all your attempts at communication depended on just that.

Thursday, 5:31 PM

You: wanna go watch a movie? i’ll buy the tickets.

Mark: cant. i have an exam tomorrow. sorry :/ maybe next time?

You: oh. okay. goodluck on your exam :)

Friday, 2:21 AM

You: [photo] this is possibly the cutest cat photo i’ve seen in awhile

Mark: that’s cute but dogs are still cuter

You: … okay?

Mark: go to sleep, y/n

Friday, 12:03 PM

You: i know you dont have class rn. have lunch w me?

Mark: oh i already ate with jaemin. sorry!!

You: it’s okayyyy :>> i’ll see u later? it’s friday night sooo we can hang out.

Mark: idk the boys already asked me to go out tonight

You: oh okay have fun!

Saturday, 6:54 PM

You: maaaark

Mark: y/nnn

You: [types] i miss you kajdhfhdksjdh [deletes]

You: nothing haha wanna grab some coffee?

Saturday, 7:01 PM

You: nvm haha have a nice nighhhttt

Sunday, 10:21 PM

You: hey can we talk

Mark: ???

You: please?

Mark: ye what about?

You: you said we’d still be friends

Mark: lol aren’t we?

You: this isn’t how friends talk to each other. i miss having an actual conversation with you.

You: we dont even see each other anymore.

Mark: i literally reply more to u than i do to jaem wdym haha

You: wow fine okay

Mark: ?????

You: i guess i deserve that haha

Mark: im tired y/n. night.

You: :( nighttt

You checked your messages for the nth time, reading everything as if something was gonna miraculously change with the cold conversation thread. Your fingers have been hovering over the keypad, typing and deleting ‘i miss you’ and ‘talk to me’ for about a hundred times already.

You don’t get why you can’t just say it. What’s so wrong with telling your best friend you miss him? Why is it so hard to press send? Why are you suddenly so afraid of how he would reply or if he would even reply at all?

It was only 10:30 in the evening. You know for sure Mark is only lying about going to sleep. He never sleeps this early unless he really is tired. He does nothing on Sundays so he can’t possibly be tired. Sundays are usually just the two of you hanging out in his apartment or yours, just to watch movies or study together. So what did he do today?

“Stop thinking about him,” you grumbled to yourself. “It’s just Mark. He’s a big boy, he can handle himself.”

But that’s not the point, a voice inside your head said. Just tell him you miss him.

You typed it again, ‘I miss you,’ but deleted it as soon as it was finished. Again.

You’ve spent everyday with Mark that it suddenly hurts to think he’s enjoying the time you usually spend together alone. It’s crazy how you can’t stop thinking about how his day went or if he’s okay or whether he’s eaten or not. You know how stubborn he can be. Sometimes, he’d get so engulfed in whatever he’s doing that he would accidentally skip meals unless you remind him otherwise.

“Fuck this,” you muttered to yourself. You figured you won’t ever be left at peace if you don’t do anything about whatever you’re feeling, so you decided to text Jaemin.

Sunday, 10:52 PM

You: jaeeem hi :)

Jaemin: y/n!!!!! hello :>

You: sorry for bothering you but have you talked to mark lately?

Jaemin: im talking to him rn haha why? you want me to ask him something?

You: not really hahaha how is he?

Jaemin: haha why not ask him yourself

You: he doesnt wanna talk to me lol pls just answer

Jaemin: he’s stubborn as always. he wont listen to me.

You: why, what’s he doing?

Jaemin: idk but it’s definitely not talking to you ksjdjkd

You: … very funny

Jaemin: sorry lmaooo he’s running on an hour or two of sleep everyday

You: jaemin!! why won’t you scold him?

Jaemin: we do! he just doesn’t listen. u know he only listens to you.

Jaemin: idk why you guys still arent together lmao bunch of idiots tbh

You: we’re just friends

Jaemin: rlly? oh btw mark hyung is looking for his save the bees shirt. did u see it anywhere?

You: yeah he left it here like two weeks ago when he slept over

Jaemin: LMAOOO DOESNT SOUND LIKE FRIENDS TO ME CHIEF

You: i fckingskjfhfn hate you

Jaemin: HJSJSHHDJD ok but seriously tho mark hyung is fine. just give him time, he’ll come around.

Jaemin: he misses you but u didnt hear it from me

Jaemin: ok bye he’s getting suspicious now lol

You: idk how you’re both an angel and the devil at the same time

You: anw thanks jaem. dont tell him i asked about him lol byeee

You sighed, putting your phone down in surrender. Your mind was more of a mess now than it was before you talked to Jaemin. You hate that he makes sense especially about the weird, more-than-friendly dynamics of your relationship with Mark. But more importantly, your head was beginning to be overfilled with worry.

Mark runs on barely two hours of sleep everyday. No wonder he always looks so out of it whenever you see him in the hallway. You wanted to call him, to tell him that he should sleep already, to remind him that he shouldn’t overwork himself, that doing just enough is okay. But you know he doesn’t want to talk to you. The cold replies and the ‘????’ were more than enough to tell you that.

Still, you figured it was worth a try sending him a little reminder. So you grabbed your phone once again and typed a message, revealing a little more of your emotions than you intended to. And before you could even think twice about it, you hit send.

Sunday, 11:04 PM

You: hey i know you’re still not asleep. dont worry, you dont have to reply to me. i just wanna tell you that you should take care of yourself. i know you. you’re stubborn and sometimes you won’t sleep or eat unless someone reminds you to so,, this is me reminding you haha. stop overworking yourself mark, please? you cant be sick cause i cant take care of you since you wont talk to me… lol jk. but seriously, get more rest (and talk to me,, hahah jk again unless u wanna ;)) please go to sleep now. goodnight. see you around i guess.

You stopped texting Mark after that. You wondered if he would find the initiative to talk to you first if you didn’t start the conversation. Now, two days have passed and your sleep reminder remains to be the last message on your conversation thread. You couldn’t say it didn’t hurt. You were hoping for at least a small thanks but didn’t get anything at all.

You were starting to get more and more frustrated as the days went by. It’s so unfair that you are slowly losing your best friend because of this. It’s unfair that you can’t even be mad at him because you just broke his heart. You wished there was any way you could have changed what happened, but the past remains to be written.

That afternoon, you passed by one of the cafes you and Mark always go to. You went inside, suddenly craving their special banana muffin which he introduced to you some months ago. The owner recognized you right away as you came up to the cashier.

“You’re not with your boyfriend today?” she asked.

You felt your heart skip a beat and not in a good way. It hurt. You figured there was no use in explaining since she probably won’t believe that Mark is not your boyfriend so you just smiled sadly and answered, “No.”

The lady somehow talked you into buying two muffins so you can bring one to your “boyfriend.” After handing her your payment, you realized maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. Mark always brings you stuff whenever you’re mad or upset. He knows exactly what you’re craving for even before you knew you were craving for it. Why not try if it works on him?

As soon as you headed out the cafe, you whipped your phone out to text Jaemin, asking if he knew where Mark was. It’s Tuesday, his most free day of the week so he could be anywhere. Jaemin replied not after five minutes.

Jaemin: not sure but he mentioned something about the library??

You: okay thank you!

From that, you knew exactly where Mark is. There was a small patio-like spot beside the library that he likes going to. Not a lot of people utilize the place since the tables and chairs are almost always filled with dried fallen leaves from the surrounding trees but Mark likes the thought of being close to nature.

That day though, there were more people around the area than usual. It was lunchtime so most people were out of the classrooms. Still, it wasn’t hard spotting Mark. It has never been much of a challenge finding him in a crowd of people. You saw him as soon as he came into view, sitting by the table on the corner under one of the ginkgo trees. He had his laptop open and a box of food beside it. His eyebrows furrowed in concentration one moment and then he was laughing the next.

You were about to make your way towards him but immediately stopped in your tracks when you realized he wasn’t alone.

You didn’t know who the girl was. You’ve seen her a lot of times in class and in the hallway. You even have a vague memory of Mark talking to her one time. But you never really bothered to learn her name. She had that soft, innocent look that goes so well with her shy smile. She had her hair tucked in her ears to show just enough of her pretty face. She was beautiful. Unconventionally but undeniably. But none of that mattered.

When she said something with a smirk and Mark let out his trademark laugh, nose scrunching, hand repeatedly hitting the table, shoulders shaking and all, it felt like something punched you in the stomach. He uttered something in reply and now both of them are clutching their sides for laughing too hard.

He looks happy, you thought, I should be, too.

But you aren’t. You continued watching their exchange, him showing her something on his laptop and both of them laughing once again. Your chest felt heavy, like something was sitting on it and now it hurts to breathe. You didn’t realize you’ve been clutching the plastic bag containing the muffin too hard until you felt the sting of nails digging on your palms. You knew you should look away but you couldn’t. You wanted to run towards him. You wanted to tell the girl to scooch over so you can sit beside Mark and give him his muffin.

This is pathetic. I should be happy for him, you said to yourself. But why am I not?

You wanted to be angry, to scream and say that it should be you he’s laughing like that with. To say that it’s you he should be spending his time with. You wanted to ask if he still feels the way he said he does about you. And if he does, then why this? But you remained glued to the ground.

You hated how you were being selfish. You rejected him, remember? So why do you expect him to follow your tails like an intoxicated mad dog? Why can’t you be happy at the possibility that he found someone that feels the same way he does? Why does it… hurt? It’s not supposed to. If you really are friends, then him being happy with someone after your rejection should make you happy as well. If you really are friends, then you shouldn’t be standing here looking stupid, watching them from afar, wishing he’s with you instead.

“What are you looking at?”

You jumped at the sudden disruption, almost dropping your muffins. “What the hell, Jaemin?!” you whined, finally looking away from Mark.

“Mark hyung and Mina?” he snorted.

So that’s her name. “No,” you lied, forcing yourself to take a step away, then another, then another.

“Are you jealous?” Jaemin teased. “Have you finally realized you’re also whipped for our hyung?”

“No,” you grumbled.

“Then why are you almost crying?”

You blinked. You didn’t even realize the tears pooling in your eyes. Why are you being like this? “Shut up. I’m not.”

Jaemin only shrugged. “Fine. Torture yourself, then.” He smirked. “By the way, Jeno and I are inviting people to our place this Friday after exams. Just some drinks and maybe karaoke, I don’t know. We all deserve a break from hell. Wanna come?”

You didn’t reply. Your mind was too preoccupied with other things.

“Mark hyung is coming,” he said. “Maybe Mina too.”

“I don’t wanna go,” you said immediately, suddenly coming up with a decision.

The boy laughed. “You are jealous! God, I love it when you prove yourself wrong. You shouldn’t be though. You already know he likes you.”

“I’m not jealous! Stop it,” you whined, really wanting to cry this time. Everything is so frustrating and Jaemin is not being of any help. You wanted to go home and just wrap yourself in your blanket and maybe one of Mark’s hoodies.

“Then come to our place this Friday. It’s gonna be fun.” He grinned.

“Fine. Whatever. Just get away from me, you little shit,” you said, kicking him lightly in the butt.

You didn’t know if it was a lie or not but if Mark really is seeing someone now, you just didn’t like the idea of seeing them flirt with each other in front of your eyes. Even the thought of it makes you want to pull all your hair out. Is that considered jealousy? If so, why are you feeling it for someone who’s supposed to be just a friend?

Thursday came and you found yourself crying after realizing the shirt you’ve been wearing the whole day was Mark’s. No wonder he looked surprised seeing you in the hallway. He looked away immediately though, acting as if you weren’t there. It didn’t even cross your mind since you use this shirt quite a lot.

After calming yourself down, you put your playlist on shuffle and cried some more after Friends by Ed Sheeran started playing. You didn’t even realize how fitting the song was for your situation until now. Mark probably did.

You remembered him singing that song once. The two of you were just lounging in his apartment. He was playing his guitar while you pretended to study when in reality you were just looking at him. You watched as his fingers plucked and strummed the guitar strings while he softly mumbled lyrics, head bobbing to the tune. He’s good. Unsurprisingly, since he’s good at everything.

When he realized you were staring at him, he turned his head slightly to meet your eyes, one side of his lips curling up into a smirk. “No, my friends won’t love me like you do,” he sang.

You looked away, your cheeks heating up almost immediately. It was hard to focus on your readings when he’s sitting right in front of you looking like that, singing like that. You sighed. He truly was never being subtle about how he felt.

After finishing the song, Mark put his guitar down and laid his head on your lap, not even bothering to ask if it’s okay. That’s how comfortable you were with each other.

“What are you doing?” You remember whining.

“Wake me up after 15 minutes,” he said, already closing his eyes. You took a photo of him that night. He’s cute when he’s asleep. Even cuter when you look at him up close.

Of course, you just had to search your camera roll to find the photo. When you did, it felt as if a storm was raging on your stomach and a gorilla was pounding on your chest. It never dawned to you just how much it hurts that he suddenly left you alone until that moment.

“Goddamn, I miss you so much,” you muttered, looking at his peaceful expression in the photo.

And then you cried some more. You feel lost.

All you wanted to do was curl up in his arms and inhale his scent and listen to how his day went (and maybe accidentally fall asleep together). It sucks because you really had no one else to turn to. The single person who has always been your safe place doesn’t want to talk to you and even if he did, you really wouldn’t know what to say. Perhaps friends really aren’t like that. The thought of everyone being right when they said that maybe you and Mark were never really just friends has never been stronger than it was tonight.

Still, you couldn’t be bothered to sort your feelings out.

He feels like home, you thought. It was the best way to explain the sense of comfort and safety and the feeling of being more than enough that he provides you. It’s the only thing you can think of when your mind drifts to how he is always the constant person that you run to at the end of the day. But friends can feel like home, too, right?

Not to this extent. Not really.

Friday. You found yourself aimlessly roaming around the neighborhood after your classes in the hopes of distracting yourself from your feelings or whatever the hell they’re supposed to be called. You wouldn’t have remembered Jaemin’s party if you didn’t happen to pass by their apartment building.

You stood in front of it for two solid minutes, contemplating whether to go or not.

Mark might be there, you thought. With everything that’s going on in your head and with all the mess happening in your chest, would it really be a good idea to see him? You thought maybe all these things you’re feeling are just a result of missing him. All these sadness and confusion might just be because you miss your best friend.

So you entered the building. You told yourself that you’ll try talking to him again this time, no matter how stubborn he’s going to be. And if it still doesn’t change anything, then you will take it as a sign to let him go. If not forever, then at least for now.

You reached the door to Jaemin and Jeno’s apartment. Even from the outside, the sound of the bass can already be heard. You wondered how long before the neighbors would file a complaint against them, but knowing Jaemin and Jeno, their neighbors are probably inside, partying with them right now.

Before entering, you looked down on your chest just to make sure you were wearing your own shirt and not Mark’s. It didn’t feel right wearing his stuff anymore. God, it really felt like you just broke up. Why is it like this?

You took a deep breath and opened the door. There were already a lot of people inside even if it was just 8 in the evening. Most of them, you know the faces of. You smiled to greet some and muttered a hi to others.

Renjun spotted you as soon as you came into the living room. “Y/N!” He grinned, handing you a cup of god knows what. “Jaemin said he invited you but we were all pretty sure you were gonna ghost us. But you didn’t!”

You laughed hesitantly. “Thanks, I guess?”

“Drink up. It’s a cocktail I made myself,” he said proudly, almost forcing the cup into your mouth.

You took a sip, figuring it won’t do any harm but you spat the liquid back to the cup as soon as it touched your tongue. “What the hell did you put in this?”

He shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. I just mixed in everything I could find. Thanks for trying it out though. I’ve been looking for a volunteer for five minutes already.”

You frowned. There were a lot of things you were unsure of at the moment but there is one thing that’s certain: you have weird friends. You were about to complain to Renjun when he plucked the cup from your grip and went on to find another victim, not even bothering to listen when you said you literally spat on the cup.

Mark didn’t seem to be anywhere. The apartment wasn’t that big so if he was here, it would be easy to spot him. Maybe he decided not to show up after knowing you were coming. And honestly, part of you was relieved. As much as you wanted to talk to him, you still didn’t know what to say.

I’m sorry I broke your heart, but I miss you so much and I did a lot of thinking and maybe we really shouldn’t be labeled as just friends but I don’t know if I love you, is that okay? That’s just stupid. This whole thing is stupid.

You wanted to leave. Parties have never really been your thing. You usually just go because Mark asked you to since he loves interacting with people. But you figured you needed some alcohol in your system, mainly as a distraction, but also to give you a boost of courage just in case. So you made your way to the kitchen, avoiding eye contact with anyone as much as possible.

You stopped in your tracks as you came to the kitchen. The sound of that laugh was all too familiar.

Great, you thought. Mark was there. And Mina was too. But so were Jeno and Jaemin who exchanged looks as soon as their eyes landed on you. They were all laughing about something before you came.

“You’re here!” Jaemin said a little too enthusiastically in a poor attempt to address the sudden increase of tension in the room.

“Hi,” you said, smiling sheepishly, purposefully avoiding Mark’s gaze which you could feel boring into you. “Just gonna get a drink.”

“Help yourself,” Jeno said. Jaemin smirked beside him.

The refrigerator was just beside Mark. Just great, you thought again. You walked towards it, desperately trying to ignore the four pairs of eyes following your every move.

“Excuse me,” you muttered, still not looking at your best friend.

Mark took a step sideways before opening the fridge for you. You muttered a quick thanks before grabbing the first bottle your hands landed on, not even bothering to check what it was. You really just wanted to get out of there. Maybe the talking to Mark plan was flawed from the beginning because you clearly can’t find the courage in you to face him now.

Beside you, Mark clicked his tongue. He was so close that you could smell his perfume mixed with a bit of alcohol. It made your knees weak.

He took the bottle from your hand and put it back before grabbing a different one and handing it to you. “The other one had vodka. Vodkas give you a headache, remember?” he said in a slightly annoyed tone.

“Oh.” Your voice sounded small even to your own ears. Not gonna lie, you wanted to cry at that moment. “Thanks.”

You could hear Jaemin snickering behind you but you couldn’t bring it in yourself to care. You turned to everyone and said a quick goodbye before dashing out of the kitchen.

Your heart was beating hard and rapidly and not because you moved too fast. You didn’t know why but it hurt seeing Mark like that, like he was okay, like nothing changed with the two of you. It hurt knowing that even after everything, he still knows you the best.

You wanted to run. You wanted to disappear. But you couldn’t leave without passing by the kitchen. Somehow, you know someone in there would stop you. If not Mark, then definitely Jaemin. But you really wanted to be alone. So you resorted to the next best thing. You whipped your phone out and sent Jaemin a text.

You: thanks for inviting me to this party. now i feel like shit :D

Jaemin: IM SORRY BUT DONT LEAVE YET TF

You: i need to be alone and i cant leave without passing by the kitchen and seeing mark. so pls let me use your room for a while.

You: i wont do anything i promise. i just need to calm down.

Jaemin: fine but dont lock the door

You: okay thanks

The door to Jaemin’s room was at the other end of the apartment. You made your way through the noisy crowd, slipping from Renjun’s weird gimmicks when he tried to make you a victim once again, before finally reaching the quiet confines of Jaemin’s room.

The thin walls barely blocked the noise but at least there was no one else here. You sat at the edge of the bed and placed the beer bottle on the floor. You forgot you didn’t even manage to open it. So you just stared at your feet, trying to catch your breath even if you didn’t do anything. That heavy feeling on your chest was back again. It was now associated with being in Mark’s presence.

You started counting to ten to calm yourself down before burying your face on your palms, breaking down into sobs as soon as your forehead came in contact with your fingers. “God, why can’t I just…” you cried, “... admit it to myself already?”

You wanted to thrash around in the bed in frustration but you thought Jaemin didn’t deserve such a mess so you settled with getting up and lightly banging your head against the door. It’s a bad habit you do when you feel annoyed or frustrated. Mark has always been reminding you to stop before you hurt yourself.

Mark. Again. You groaned, hitting your head a little harder this time.

Someone knocked on the door making you stop. You took a step back, thinking you just imagined it. But there it was again.

“Someone’s here,” you said, trying to hide the sound of your voice breaking.

“I know. Can I come in?” It was Mark. There was no question.

Your heart started pounding on your chest once again. You wanted to tell him to go away but you couldn’t find it in yourself to do so.

He took your silence as a yes. He swung the door slightly and poked his head through the small opening. Your hands immediately flew to your face to hide the fact that you’ve been crying.

“You know, I came in here because I didn’t wanna see you when I pass by the kitchen if I leave then you come here making me look like a clown,” you said, your voice muffled by your hands.

Mark chuckled softly. “Why didn’t you wanna see me?”

You didn’t reply. Your face felt hot, not just because of the tears that just won’t stop falling but also because all the blood has come rushing to your cheeks.

Mark grabbed both your wrists and gently lowered your hands down, trying to see your face, but your head bent down as soon as it wasn’t covered. “Y/N, look at me,” he said, hands still on your wrists.

“No.”

“Are you crying?” The idiot crouched down to have a glimpse of your face making you whine and cover your face again. “Last I checked, I should be the one looking brokenhearted around here.”

“God I hate you,” you mumbled. “You ignored me for nearly four weeks and you come in here just to make fun of me.”

He let out an empty laugh. “Well, you did break my heart so…”

At that, you removed your hands from your face to look at him. You were going to say sorry but Mark had that smug look on his face that made you want to punch him. It was almost convincing if you weren’t so good at reading the real emotions in his eyes. His expression softened upon finally seeing you properly.

He looked away, not being able to hold your gaze either. That just confirmed how hard he was trying to keep up with the exterior he was showing everyone.

“I’m sorry,” you said, voice breaking.

He sighed. “I told you. It’s okay.”

“But it’s not,” you cried. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t realize how easy it was to misread what we had because let’s face it, we don’t act like ‘just friends.’ I’m sorry because I was too blind to see how you felt even when you weren’t really trying to hide it. I’m sorry because even though I rejected you, I was so selfish that I still wanted to keep you for myself without realizing that you probably needed to be away from me to move on. I’m sorry because…” you swallowed.

Mark was just looking at you, eyebrows slightly raised in anticipation of what you were going to say next. You missed him. You missed that cute face of his. You missed being in his presence. You missed his voice and his laugh and how he loves teasing you even if he probably feels like shit inside. You missed everything. Four weeks have been too long without each other. Four weeks is too long without your best friend. Four weeks is too long without your home. And that’s when you realized…

“... I can’t let you go. And I might be too late, but I’m sorry that I only just realized why.”

“Why?” he asked.

It was a simple question. Why? Yet it managed to carve out every single feeling you’ve ever felt for this boy. Every little moment he made you laugh. Every small heartbreak you get when he fails to keep his tiny promises. Every single night you ‘accidentally’ fell asleep next to each other. Every ounce of fulfillment you get when you finally convince him to sleep after a long day. Every goodnight. Every good morning. Everything.

“I love you,” you said. It sounded almost like an exhale.

For a moment, Mark didn’t reply. Your head immediately started swarming with unwelcomed thoughts. Maybe you were too late. You almost forgot about Mina who he seems to be having an excellent time with. Maybe he managed to move on within those four weeks. It’s possible, right? You had your chance and you missed it.

Finally, Mark let out a laugh, his head falling down to look at the floor. “I told you you didn’t have to say it back,” he said, voice soft.

You shook your head. “I’m not saying it because you said it first,” you said. “I realize this might be the worst timing but I just thought you should know you weren’t the only one being stupid enough to fall for their best friend. I was just too dumb to realize that that’s what it was.”

“Why would it be the worst timing?” He frowned.

You felt like crying again. You really wish you had some alcohol in your system right now. Why is this whole confession thing taking so long? “‘Cause you’re dating Mina? Or trying to. I don’t know. I tried not keeping tabs on you because our friends are assholes who wouldn’t stop teasing me. She’s pretty, by the way. You two look good together.”

Mark laughed again. It was raw and real this time, and god, the way your chest tightened in endearment at the sound was so pure. “You thought me and Mina are dating?”

“Aren’t you? I’ve seen you guys together a lot.” Well, once. But you tend to overestimate things.

“No!” He snorted. “Jaemin and I are trying to get her and Jeno together. If anything, she made me realize that we definitely aren’t just friends.”

“Really?” Now you just feel stupid. But what else is new? It’s all you’ve been feeling lately. Come to think of it, Mark and Mina didn’t even come close to how you two act with each other.

“Really,” he said. “Friends don’t stay at each other’s place and cuddle with each other just to fall asleep, Y/N. Besides, I said I love you, didn’t I? Did you really think that’s just gonna go away that quickly?”

“Mark, I can’t even sort my feelings out. How am I supposed to figure out how yours work?” You sighed.

“Fine. Just to be clear, I still love you. Even if you don’t, I love you,” he said, taking both your hands and placing it on his shoulder before putting his on your waist.

“But I do.”

“Say it then.”

“I love you. Even if you’re the dorkiest person I know, I love you.” Your fingers tangled themselves in his hair. You’ve run your hands through his hair so many times before. You wondered why it never crossed your mind that you liked doing it not because his hair is soft but because you were sucker for the domestic feeling of it.

Mark couldn’t stop himself from smiling that he had to bury his face at the crook of your neck. “I’m not used to this, sorry.”

“Me neither,” you laughed.

When he finally composed himself, he pulled away just enough to look at you. All those times you’ve stood this close before does not even compare to how it’s like right now. This is the perfect mix of feeling new but familiar.

“You have no idea how many mornings I fought the urge to kiss you whenever we wake up next to each other,” he said in a soft voice.

“Well, nothing’s stopping you know, is there?” you muttered, eyes fluttering to his lips.

You pulled Mark down by the neck as he pulled you closer to him, your lips finally connecting. The idea of kissing him isn’t new to you. There were so many times before that you’ve found yourself inches away from his face and slamming your lips together wouldn’t have been such a bad idea. But this is the first you actually kissed him yet he felt so familiar that you were almost sure you’ve done this a million times before. His lips were soft against yours that it made you weak in the knees. If he weren’t holding onto you like he was, you probably would’ve crumpled already.

The two of you pulled away, breathless.

“Wow,” he breathed. “That didn’t even come close to how I imagined it would feel like.”

You laughed. “This whole night didn’t come close to how I imagined it would be like. I thought you were gonna keep on ignoring me. And honestly, I wouldn’t know how to cope anymore because I really, really miss you already. So thanks for saving me.”

“Stop making me blush. I don’t know how I can possibly love you more than this.”

You rolled your eyes but you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. This was only one of the very few times that the reality went better than your expectations. But then again, maybe you and Mark have always been meant to happen. It was happening even before you realized it was. And now that you finally managed to sort how you both felt, there was no more wasting chances.

“Do I still have to ask you to be my girlfriend?” he asked.

“We’ve literally slept in the same bed so many times. I’d be more surprised if we’re not dating already,” you joked.

Mark grinned. “You’re literally the only one who didn’t realize that until today, but it’s okay, I still love you.”

You laughed. “Wanna go outside and pretend we didn’t make up? I’m 100% sure Jaemin betted on us.”

“I worry how your mind works sometimes, Y/N,” Mark said with a frown before kissing you on the forehead. “But let’s do it.”

You smiled. You’ve said it a lot but you really missed this proximity. You missed being able to hug him whenever you want, and now you can kiss him whenever you want too. You wanted to say you could get used to this, but the thing is… you already are.

#y/n is a clown here read at your own risk #BUT PLS ENJOY CAUSE I DID #dhjdkjfhdfk i should stop writing about mark #nct au #nct imagines #mark lee imagines #mark lee #nct mark au #nct prompts #nct blurbs #soft nct hours #sad nct hours #nct fluff au #nct angst au #nct dream au #nct 127 au

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hug-kankri · 3 years

Text

I hope we can talk again..

*Note: In the beginning they are 7th graders.

『Pov Cronus Ampora』

You’re currently sitting in your local library, reading a book like the nerd you are. But someone is with you. A special someone that would make most people surprised that **you** a nerd has. That person is your delightful boyfriend, Kankri Vantas. He’s sitting next to you and holding your free hand that’s resting on the table while you continue to hold the book in your other hand. Keeping your head in the direction of the book you move your eyes to look at him. He’s just looking at his and your hand that are intertwined together and he looks so happy, blissful, and there’s a lot more adjectives that can explain how he looks right now. Oh gosh he’s so adorable you could kiss him. Wait no you can’t you’ll just screw it up again. Every time you try to kiss him you get all flustered and freeze up. One day, you’ll be able to kiss him without freezing up. Don’t lose hope me! You turn your focus on Kankri agai- wait what’s he doing!? You’re trying your best to not move your head to look at him then you hear a small kiss sound. He..he kissed your hand I- wait omg he’s looking at you! You quickly move your eyes in the direction of the book you’re “reading”. Oh god what do you do? Should I return the kiss? Wait I should it’s what a boyfriend would do in this type of situation..I think? You look at him and gently pulling your hand away from his so you can push up your glasses then kiss him, but while you do that he suddenly looks all sad and worried like he did something wrong. Now you feel bad. Better do this quick so he can stop looking so sad. You push up your glasses and turn to him. You quickly kiss him on the cheek and look back at your book. OMG YOU ACTUALLY KISSED HIM!!! Okay calm down and look cool. You move your eyes to look at him and ask “Yes? Do you need somefin?”. “I-I..uh...” he said. “Vwas that kiss to intimate for you? I’m sorry, I should have asked before hand.”. “N-n9! I mean..n9, n9t at all. Y9u just caught me 9ff guard.”. He’s blushing, it’s so cute. “That’s good to hear. I don’t vwant to make you uncomfortable.”. “W-well what are y9u reading?” he asks. “Vwell it’s about...actually I don’t know. I got distracted.”. “Cr9nus Amp9ra distracted? That’s certainly a first. What g9t y9u s9 distracted may I ask?”. You’ve watched rom coms, you can do this. “You”. I regret saying that. Why did I- wait he’s blushing again? “Cr9nus y9u’re s9 cute especially with that little flirty side.” he smiles and giggles. Never mind he found that cute! I bet I can say another one. “You know vwhat else is cute? You as vwell.” you smile at him. “I- thank y9u.” You nod and look at the time. “Oh vwe should get going.”. “It’s that late already? Time flys when y9u’re with s9me9ne y9u l9ve.” “Y-yeah.” you smile. Both of you get up from your seats and head for the exit while intertwining hands again.

『Timeskip to the front of Kankri’s house』

“I’ll see you on tomorrovw at school.”. “9f c9urse. See y9u t9m9rr9w.”. You turn to your right to start walking to your house, but then someone grabs your arm and pulls you down some then kisses your cheek. “I l♡ve y♡u! 6ye!!!” and he runs inside of his house and shuts the door. You hold your cheek and are blushing a lot. You start walking to your house with a smile on your face.

『Timeskip 2 years. It’s now we’re at their middle school graduation day(they graduate in 8th grade and they just had their graduation, so this happens after grad.)』

『Pov Kankri Vantas』

You just got home from getting ice cream with your father and little brother since you did just grade middle school. You go upstairs to your bedroom to take a shower. After that wonderful shower you sit on your bed and grab a pillow and hug it. You grab your phone and text your wonderful boyfriend.

♡Magic Enthusiast BF♡

You: Hi Cr9nus ^^

♡MEBF♡: Hey cutie pie! „;)

♡MEBF♡: Vwait ignore that emoticon. I’m sorry. That vwas wvery stupid of me.

You: It’s perfectly 9kay Cr9nus and y9u’re n9t stupid. I th9ught it was cute. c:

♡MEBF♡: Really..?

You: Yes! 9f c9urse I am. W9uld I lie?

♡MEBF♡: No, no you vwouldn’t.

♡MEBF♡: um..hey..

♡MEBF♡: Kan, I need to tell you something.

You: Mhm? There’s n9 need t9 6e scared/anxi9us a69ut. I’ll listen t9 whatever y9u have t9 say.

♡MEBF♡: Vwell for the vwhole summer me and my brother are going with our father for a business trip that is sadly happening ovwer the vwhole summer. I’m really sorry vwe aren’t going to able to hangout at all this summer.

9h. That’s rather very disapp9inting to hear, 6ut it’s alright. The 69th 9f y9u can always hang9ut next year since we are g9ing t9 the same high sch99l. We’ll get t9 see each 9ther everyday. Als9 this is a great 9pp9rtunity f9r y9u t9 hang 9ut with y9u’re little 6r9ther.

You: 9h it’s a6s9lutely alright Cr9nus. Y9u deserve t9 spend time with y9ur family. Plus we can hang9ut in and 9ut 9f sch99l t99 c:

♡MEBF♡: You’re right Kan. Still I’m sorry that vwe aren’t able to see each other this summer, but I promise the second I get back vwe’ll be together and for the next summer I’m staying vwith you no matter vwhat! ,,:D

You: Haha I can’t wait! c: and Cr9nus please d9 have fun. D9nt’t w9rry a69ut me. I’m alright with y9u g9ing. It’s n9t like y9u can c9ntr9l these types 9f things t9 happen.

♡MEBF♡: Oh god,,I lowve you so much Kanny. you hawve my heart. (“^▽^)っ♡

Thank you again for understanding and I can’t vwait until we get back from the trip. I just vwant you back in my arms. I hawve to go novw, vwe are about to leawve to go to the airport. Before you start asking wvhy im leaving at such an ungodly hour is because of my father. I’ll text you vwhen I get there! Here’s an until next time hug! (っ˘̩ᴗ˘̩)っ I lowve you tons, I’ll talk to you later my lowve.

You: ⊂(´∇｀)⊂ Hug! Aha y9u’re s9 cute. I can’t wait either and I h9pe Y9u have a safe trip my dear! 9f c9urse have fun as well! Try t9 get s9me rest while 9n the plane. It’s pretty late in the night! I l9ve y9u a l9t t99 and I’ll be awaiting y9ur messages! ('∀'●)♡ G99dnight h9ney.

『Fast forward to the last week of summer』

You are very excited about this week! You remember why correct? Well if you don’t remember this week Cronus is coming back from his father’s business trip! Oh you’re so excited to see him you could just cry. But there’s something that has been going on since about the beginning of summer vacation. Cronus slowly stopped messaging you. In the first month or so he’d text you everyday then slowly stopped texting you only to message you when you texted, but then he suddenly stopped messaging you all together. You’d still sent him ‘good morning’ and ‘goodnight’ texts. But hey! He was probably busy and was having fun with his family and you wouldn’t want to get in between that. Oh look at the time! You’re supposed to go to the store to pick up something’s for your father. You grab your phone, keys, and wallet. Now you are really to go to the store.

『At the store』

You finally make it to the store and grab a basket. You take out your phone to find the list of things you need and start getting the things you need. You’re nearly done when you spot a familiar looking little boy. Eridan? Is that him? No way it is him! That means Cronus..!!! Wait why hasn’t he texted me yet? Oh who cares he’s back! You walk over to Eridan who seems to be alone standing in the check out line. “Hell9 Eridan. It’s w9nderful t9 see y9u! c:

h9w have y9u’ve 6een?”. The little boy freaks out for second and turns around to look at you. He then sighs when he realizes it’s just you. “Kankriiiiiii howw dare you sneak up on me?!?! >:(“ he says. You apologize and you both start talking about how the summer for the both of you went. “Say Eridan when did y9u and y9ur family get 6ack?”. “Oh wwe got back just this wweek. You didn’t knoww? Didn’t Cronus tell you?”. Now you’re confused. On the day Cronus left he promised to tell you the second he’s back and he didn’t...wait Kankri, he’s probably tired and has to unpack everything. Poor guy, it’s better if I don’t question him. “I was n9t made aware 9f this, 6ut that’s alright! I sh9uld get g9ing n9w. 6ye6ye Eri! Say Hi t9 y9ur dad and Cr9nus f9r me please!”. After he responds you leave the store heading back to your house.

『Fast forward to after dinner and shower』

You just finished showered and changing into your nice pjs. You go over to your bed which has a cute cat plush on top of it that Cronus got for you. Cronus is so adorable and nice. You’re so lucky to have him. You go turn off the lights and use your phones light to see your bed. You get to you bed and you get into it. You hug and snuggle the plush and you go to text Cronus.

___♡Magic Enthusiast BF♡___

You: Hi h9ney. I saw Eridan at the st9re t9day and he said y9u’re 6ack fr9m the trip. I’m sure y9u’re tired s9 I’ll just say this real quick. I h9pe y9u had a g99d time. I missed y9u a l9t and I’m s9 glad y9u are 6ack! c: N9w I say g99dnight my dear.

You charge your phone and turn it off. You hug the plush once more and pull your blanket up more to cover more of you. You think about how excited you are to see him and that you’ll finally give him a kiss that he deserves. You’ve been per say shy about kissing on the lips, but you know what. You’re gonna try! You love him and he deserves it. After that thought you start to fall asleep.

♡Magic Enthusiast BF♡

♡MEBF♡ ᴿᴱᴬᴰ

『Fast forward half way into the school year』

He hasn’t texted or called you. You’ve seen him around school and he’s completely different. He has a new look, new friends, and new personality. He isn’t that same guy you knew before, but you’re absolutely sure he’s just busy. High school isn’t easy and plus he has all his new friends too! He’ll call or text soon you just know it! He wouldn’t lie to you. Especially he wouldn’t break a promise. He hates breaking promises. Gosh,,that’s another reason you love him. Oh shoot look at the time you must be going on to class!

『Fast forward (once again) to after school and it’s about 4:30』

You finish your homework even though you had the weekend to finish it all, but it’s not like you’re doing anything so let your weekend be free. Suddenly your phone starts ringing. You’re getting a call. You pick up your phone and look who’s calling..oh my god it’s him. You pick up immediately!

On call with ♡Magic Enthusiast BF♡

You: h-hi! Cr9nus I’ve missed y9u s9 s9 much!

♡MEBF♡: Hey chief. I’wve missed you too aha. Sorry for not texting ya or calling I’wve been busy.

You: 9h Cr9nus that’s 9kay! I c9mpletely understand. Besides that h9w have y9u’ve 6een? It’s 6een s9 l9ng since I’ve heard y9ur v9ice it seems surreal!

♡MEBF♡: aha yeah..I’wve been fine. I have some new pals and stuff...hey Kan I knovw vwe hawven’t been able to go on a date in a long time, but today is a day I’m free and I vwanted to ask if you vwanted to go on a date?

You: ......9h yes yes yes! :D I’d l9ve t9 g9 9n a date! 9h g9sh it’s 6e s9 l9ng,,

♡MEBF♡: haha yeah I knovw and thanks for expecting my date offer babe! I’ll pick you up at 7?

You: ,,,mhm!! 7 is perfect! I cant wait t9 see y9u then! I l♡ve y♡u!!!

♡MEBF♡: Okay, cool. I’ll see you then...love you too

You end the call and now you’re just freaking out, but in a good way of course. You’re going on a date with your boyfriend after so long! He also called you babe,,,switch makes your heart flutter. Now!!!! Time to get ready! You need to look your best! This is the first date after so so long! You head to your bathroom to shower.

『After Kankri finishes getting ready』

You look at yourself in the mirror. You think you look amazing. Your hair and outfit are nice. You look at your freckles the are all over your face. You wish you didn’t have them. People always make fun of you for them..wait Cronus loves them,,so maybe you should start loving them too. You leave your bathroom and go over to your nightstand to grab your phone. You look at the time and it’s 6:45. He should be here soon! You’re getting even more excited! You look out of the window to hopefully see if he came early, but then you got a phone a call. It’s Cronus. You pick up.

On call with ♡Magic Enthusiast BF♡

You: Hi Cr9. Are y9u alm9st here? c:

♡MEBF♡: Hey Kan. I’m not exactly there yet..or even on the vway..I’m so sorry but something important came up and I can’t get out it. I’m really sorry.

You: ........

♡MEBF♡: Kan..?....You there?

ᴬ ᵛᴼᴵᶜᴱ ᶜᴼᴹᴵᴺᴳ ᶠᴿᴼᴹ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴮᴬᶜᴷᴳᴿᴼᵁᴺᴰ: ᴴᴱᵞ! ᶜᴿᴼᴺᵁˢ! ᴳᴱᵀ ᴵᴺˢᴵᴰᴱ! ᴵᵀˢ ᴾᴬᴿᵀᵞ ᵀᴵᴹᴱ!

You: ....yes I am..it’s..9kay..! Y9u d9 what y9u need t9 d9!...y9u have stuff t9 d9 and that’s 9kay. I’ll see y9u later?...

♡MEBF♡: uh huh vwhat? uh yea sure vwhatewver. I gotta go bye!

He hangs up on you. You’re currently frozen in place. You know what you heard. He’s at some party. You start crying hysterically throwing your phone onto your bed. You lean against the wall and slide down it. You have your hands over your eyes still crying your eyes out and your hands are resting on your knees. You can’t believe he lied..he broke a promise. You start to think over everything. Did he really love you back in 7th grade? Was that a lie too..was everything a huge lie?.....

“yeah..it was...I fell into his trap. I fell in l♡ve with him..”

#homestuck #cronkri #kankri vantas #cronus ampora #cronus x kankri #sadstuck #humanstuck

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spxllcxstxr · 3 years

Note

🚢 — hi love, i was wondering if i could get ship for hp in the marauders era? i’m terribly sorry if these are closed, feel free to ignore this!!

———

my pronouns are she/her or she/they... i’m still debating which set i like better haha and i would like a male ship pretty please <3

i am a ravenclaw, with some slytherin & hufflepuff traits here and there :) and i am an ambivert!

i am, much to my dismay, only 5’ 1.5” (to all my tall peeps out there... saying that i’m jealous of you would be an understatement.) i am quite curvy (and omg kinda insecure abt that ✌️) i have long, silky, and straight black hair that reaches the base of my back, and i love eyeliner so so much like i’m not even joking (on good days at least)

people often tell me that at first glance i seem bubbly, happy, and kinda quiet or shy hehe, and my friends have said that once you get to know me i am genuine, creative, funny, empathetic, a good listener, charming, painfully stubborn, righteous, and little loud, and very very dramatic jhjfk

i am pretty shy in new environments but with my friends i am loud asf, like seriously i need to shut up 😐 i am very very loyal and i value any bit of trust someone has in me.

my love language is definitely physical touch. i am one of those affectionate yet somehow touch-starved people haha! i find that sometimes words (or saying them atleast) can be a little bit hard and awkward for me, so i like to project my feelings and love for people through physical contact and all the affection they could ever dream of <3 and omg that thing where someone leans into your touch? marvelous. absolutley marvelous.

i like it when people play with my hair or touch me in some way, although if they’re a stranger then i will pull out my ninja moves and roundhouse kick them if they touch me 🤺 i also really like to play with other peoples hair!! (my love for long-ish hair is showing hnng-)

i could ramble about the sky, the stars, and just astronomy in general for days and never get tired of it, bc wow have you ever seen the night sky? i get so excited when i recognize a star or a constellation or a planet and agh i just love astronomy!! star gazing is one of my most favorite things to do <3 (and i have a these necklaces that i love so so much okay, one has the constellation of my zodiac, and the other has my fave constellation!!!)

i am a very very sassy, sarcastic, and witty person! i live for playful banter and teasing, i guess you could say that’s my way of flirting after me and the person i’m interested in have a friendship aha! i have comebacks for days and will not hesitate to roast someone into oblivion (although if it’s that harsh then i’ll immediately apologize bc i pinky promise i'm not mean okay)

i love to draw! i have a sketchbook and it’s strictly for my eyes only, UNLESS i deem someone special enough to view my sacred scribbles <33 i love to sketch people and things, and this might sound creepy but i have this urge to draw the people i’m close to sometimes (i did this a few times and omg i felt so embarrassed so i hid the drawings rip)

singing and music is also a big interest of mine! i’m not the best with instruments (i took viola for a while and i can still play but im no prodigy) but i am pretty good with my voice. people have told me that i have an ~aesthetic~ singing voice and that i have good vocal range hehe! sometimes i randomly break out into song around people i’m close to and they always either laugh or scoff and call me a ‘drama queen’ (i live for theatrics if you can’t tell, anyone who can match my dramatic flare is just yes <33)

oh and i am always down to do dangerous, stupid, and fun shit with my friends AHA 😙‼️i like to focus on the positive side of things, but i do have my icky days where i feel super insecure, sad, and useless ahaha 🥲✌️ my friends always make me feel better tho <3

———

whoops omg this was so long, i am SO SORRY

(pls accept my apology bc i feel kinda bad now 🥲)

congratulations on 500!! you deserve each and every follower you have and i am just so so happy for you!

mwah mwah tysm and make sure you’re drinking water and taking care of yourself, love!! 💞💞

Ahhh thank you so so much!! ❤️❤️ don’t worry, these aren’t closed until the 26th I just haven’t been linking to it because I’m lazy 😳 anywayyyyy ship under the cut! ❤️

I ship you with: James Potter!

The ravenclaw tower is cool and all, but you totally going to be hanging out in the Gryffindor common room a lot

James will sneak into your common room though

I promise

You’re short. Just thought I should say that lmao

James thinks it’s so cute though

I’m going to say that James is going to give you piggyback rides throughout the castle

Like even to class

Loves that he has to reach things for you

“C’mon short stuff!”

“Don’t call me short stuff, James!”

“Then stop being short!”

James absolutely loves your body

Like is in love with it

And he will shower you in love all the time

And of you ever get insecure he is right by your side

No matter what

He loves you so much

HE LOVES YOUR HAIR

James will want to brush it and braid it and do weird shit with it

Please put eyeliner on James

He’d look so hot

Janes is a bubbly guy

So I just feel like your personalities match so well

Like you guys are the couple that is always laughing at something

Or making faces at each other from across the room

James doesn’t want you to shut up ever

Because he never shuts up

He loves your voice

Even if you’re just reading some boring book out loud

Falls in love with you every day

JAMES LOVES TOUCH

I swear he will always be touching you

Hand holding

Leaning on you

Anything

Always always touching

Does that thing where he kisses the back of your hand

Like I mentioned before

James loves hearing you talk

So please ramble about space

All the time

Takes you to stargaze

All the time

(You’re going to do his astronomy homework too)

Playful banter is a must

James is cocky and playful and just

Overall sarcastic and sassy

So you guys are going to have loads of fun

Loses his shit when you roast someone

Claps for no reason

“That’s my girl!”

YOU DRAW??? That’s so cool

James always wan s to see what you’re drawing

But respects your boundaries and your privacy

Will hang your drawings up in his room if you give anything to him

Loves them so much

Singing!!!!!

You guys will sing a lot

He will request the Beatles a lot

But like you can just burst out into song randomly and he goes wild

He’s your number one fan don’t worry

You are definitely part of the Marauders

Dangerous and crazy shit is a must

James will always be a shoulder for you to cry on

and like

He just loves you so much

Nd always wants to be around you

He hates seeing you insecure or doubt yourself

“You’re my girl. And I love my girl.”

I hope you like your ship! And drink some water!! ❤️

#spxllcxstxr 500 celebration

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lindalevanimamm · 4 years

Text

Reality- Chapter 3

I woke up and immediately my head was pounding in pain. I looked over my shoulder to see nothing. No one was there. I frowned. Of course it was all just a dream. He’s not real. How stupid can I get? No, how lonely am I? It felt so real though. I started to tear up. Damn it not now. It was just a dream it’s nothing to cry over. But even in my dreams people still leave me. Why did I wake up expecting Seven to be here? It’s not possible. He’s not real. I reached to my bedside table and grabbed my phone, desperate for some kind of distraction. I started scrolling through social media, my mind eventually going blank. No breakdowns today. I sighed. Another boring day for me. Thankfully, it’s a Saturday, so I can just do nothing. I don’t even have to leave this bed. After a few hours of mindless scrolling I started to become hungry. I stood up after getting out of bed and stretched. My headache began to get worse. Ugh, I cried too much last night. I started to walk out of my room, but something caught my eye. I turned around and looked at the other small table next to my bed. I squinted at it, my brows furrowing. That’s not there….is it? There’s no way. What is happening? I walked over to it. A red letter was left on the table. I hesitated before touching it. It’s real. Is it? Or am I finally going insane? With shaking hands I picked it up to read it. The handwriting on it was unfamiliar to me. It can’t be. Maybe I am just going insane. It was a dream, Saeyoung doesn’t exist. I held my breath as I read the note. “(Y/N), I’m so so so so sorry to do this to you. I promised you I wouldn’t go, but I did. I didn’t mean to, but I still broke my promise. I guess that’s all I can do is break promises. Something is wrong. I thought my machine would work to keep me here, but last night my head started to pound and my body shook. I can see myself phasing back to my dimension right now, so I’m trying to make this quick. I’m sorry I have to leave, but I promise I’ll find a way to perfect the machine so I can come back to you. Please wait for me, ~Saeyoung”. After staring at the letter for what felt like hours, I let out my breath. Was it all real? Was he here? No that’s not possible. There’s no way. I must really be going insane. I got home last night and went to bed, everything after that was a dream. My mind is just playing tricks on me. It’s nothing. I put the letter back on the table and left to go eat. I made some eggs and toast and sat down to eat. What has my life come too? Why am I even doing this? I’m so alone my brain is trying to convince me that Saeyoung, a character from a game, is real, and here for me. Haha as if. Why would he want me? I’m worth nothing. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I’m a disaster. No one likes me, if someone did then wouldn’t I have at least one friend? I try talking to people, but I’m either ignored or they don’t talk back. I’m too closed off, too shy, too stupid I guess. There’s no way someone would want to be with me. So I should just- “No!” I shouted at myself, slamming my fist down on the table. Stop. Don’t do anything. You’ll just burden people more. Stop thinking. Stop feeling. It’s not worth it. You’re not worth it. I grabbed my water and chugged it. You’ll get through this. Should I call someone? Tell someone? No. They wouldn’t want to deal with it. Getting things off your shoulders is a luxury I don’t get. Think about something else. Oh I know how about how you’re not straight. People will judge you. Your parents say they’d be fine with it, but would they really? No. They wouldn’t. Frustrated with myself again, I got up from the table. I put my dishes into the sink and went to find my earbuds. I shoved them in my ears and started to play music to drown out the argument in my head. I truly have gone crazy. I closed my eyes and focused on the music. It’s my only comfort besides anime.

After a few songs I had calmed down. I decided to switch distractions and watch anime. I grabbed my remote and put one on. I had gotten really into the fight scene ahead of me, when I was interrupted by my doorbell. Confused, I paused the show and went to the door. No one was there, so I opened it. I looked down to see a small package and flowers. Who in the world would?... I picked them up and brought them inside, after looking down the halls of my apartment. Yeah, no one in sight….weird. I set the box and flowers down on my kitchen counter. I looked for a note, expecting one to be in the flowers, but there was none. Maybe in the box? I grabbed a knife, I know really safe, and opened the box. I finally found a note. “I hope this works haha. Hang in there, I’m coming back. ~S”. I dropped the letter in shock. No way. What is happening? Is someone stalking me? This is getting weird. It can’t be Saeyoung...he’s not real. But how do I explain that dream? It felt so real. Then the letter and now this...either I’m going insane, someone is really stalking me, or- no he’s not real. But maybe he is… I decided to look and see what was in the box. It had my favorite snack. How? The flowers were some of my favorites too. My mind went through a list of people I knew. Who would know this? My parents knew, but it’s unlikely they just sent me flowers. I grabbed my phone and decided to ask my parents. A few minutes I got the answer, they hadn’t. They asked if it was from someone special like a boyfriend, and I grimaced when I read it. They can’t know. So of course I answered and said no it was nothing. I didn’t want to worry them. My phone vibrated in my hand, bringing me back to it’s attention. It was another notification from mystic messenger. I opened it up, just a chatroom with 707.

*(Y/N) has entered the chat

707: (Y/N)!

(Y/N): 707!

707: Did it work??

My heart stopped. This chatroom isn’t supposed to say that. Is it really? I looked at the options I was given to answer, but there were none. Instead I could type in whatever I wanted. My eyes widened and my hands shook. It’s real? He’s real? I swallowed and typed a message.

(Y/N): what��s happening?

707: YES! FINALLY!

707: I did it!

707: No options right?

707: You can see this?

(Y/N): yes...but what’s happening

(Y/N): are you really there? That wasn’t a dream

707: yes I’m here. I’m real. We all are.

707: I finally hacked in to make this a way to communicate freely instead of these ‘options’ and story line. I did it

(Y/N): I’m really confused. This can’t be real

707: it is

707: did you get the flowers and snacks? :D

(Y/N): yeah….

707: YES!

707: HAHA IM SO HAPPY

707: But celebrating is for later. I’m sorry I left so suddenly

707: I thought I had figured it out, but there was a glitch in the machine I made. I'll fix it and be there as soon as I can.

707: but~

707: for now you can talk to us, the real us, with no options or story line

(Y/N): I’ve really gone insane haven’t I?

(Y/N): Haha

(Y/N): ha...I should call someone this has gone too far

707: (Y/N). You’re not cray. We’re here and we exist, it’s just a different dimension

(Y/N): Different….DiMeNsIoN?!~

707: …

(Y/N): Yeah OkAy. Alternate dimensions exist and I’m talking to the Saeyoung Choi for real. He “exists”

707: yes….

(Y/N): oh I’ve really gone insane

707: no, we’re here...do you not remember last night?...

(Y/N): yes, last night I had a DREAM that Saeyoung Choi came to see me. HAHA me as if. And I guess I’m still dreaming, or I’ve gone insane at this point because this isn’t possible

707: That wasn’t a dream. This isn’t a dream.

(Y/N): yeah okay~

707: well then I guess I’ll have to convince you when I see you again that I’m real...I’ll have to leave more evidence… maybe this time on you

*Zen has entered the chat

Zen: what the hell is going on?

Zen: Saeyoung why can I say what I want?

Zen: Also stay away from (Y/N)

707: Zen! So glad you’re here. I broke us out

Zen: broke us out?...

707: Yep! We were all stuck in this game/dimension and I figured out how to get us out of the game part. So our lives will no longer repeat. Also I met (Y/N) last night in their dimension.

Zen: so… we’re free?

707: Yep! But (Y/N) doesn’t believe me :(

Zen: they’re here?

(Y/N): Hi “Zen”

Zen: omg

Zen: this is happening

(Y/N): yes, welcome to my dream of insanity

Zen: I think this is real…

(Y/N): its real in this dream of mine

707: see?

707: I think I’ve almost fixed the machine so I should be able to go back tomorrow

Zen: can I go?

707: I don’t think it can handle more than one person, we might blow up time

Zen: ok…

707: sorry

707: I should go work now though

707: (Y/N),

707: I promise I’ll be there tomorrow

707: bye~

(Y/N): yeah ‘see you tomorrow’

*707 has left the chat

Zen: so…

(Y/N): this is crazy

Zen: yeah it is…

Zen: we’re really free. I can go see people for real

Zen: I’m going to go, I need to think

(Y/N): bye ig

*Zen and (Y/N) have left the chat

I’ve really gone insane. I decided not to think about it, or at least try not to. So I spent most of the remainder of my day watching anime and eating occasionally. I didn’t notice my eyes closing as I was watching, eventually falling asleep on my couch for the night.

#saeyoung choi x reader #saeyoung choi #707 x reader #707 #mystic messenger #fanfic

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kp-alice · 5 years

Text

GOT7 Reaction to a fan fainting

In this reaction, I kinda had to ignore the fact that they are famous people who are probably followed everywhere so I could make the scene a bit more private and between just the two of you, hope you don’t mind! ♥

Mark:

It was getting dark and you were in a café, waiting for your friend to arrive. Even though you were exhausted from work, the two of you were planning this for a long time so you couldn’t cancel it at the last moment. As you were waiting for them, you were shocked to see a very familiar person sitting in the corner. You stood up, walking over to him.

“Excuse me, aren’t you Mark from Got7?” You asked even though you already knew the answer. Turning his head to look at you, he smiled, making your heart flutter. “That’s me, are you a fan?” “Of course! I was wondering, can I take a picture with you? If you want to, of course, I don’t want to bother you or anything.” You said. “I’d love to! Why would I say no to a fan?” He replied, gesturing for you to come and sit next to him.

But as you did, you could feel your head getting lighter and your vision starting to blur. Before you knew it, you were lying on the ground with a worried-looking Mark above you. When he saw that you were okay, he smiled, waving at you. “Hello again, it’s still me. Is everything okay? I didn’t know you were that happy to see me.” He said with a chuckle, helping you sit up.

You smiled sheepishly, embarrassed by the whole situation. “No no, I’m not that kind of fan, I just didn’t get much sleep because of work lately, that’s all. Not that I’m not happy to see you, I am of course!” You rambled on awkwardly. He laughed as he stood up, giving you his hand so you could get up as well.

“It’s okay, I know what you mean. Let’s take the photo now, shall we? And promise me you’ll get a lot more rest from now on. What if I wasn’t there to help you next time?” He said, making you blush.

Jaebum:

After many tiring hours spent at work with no sleep the night before, you were finally able to go home. But being the lucky you, you managed to miss the bus by just a second. Not wanting to wait for the next one, you decided to go through a small park connecting your work and home. As you were following the path trailing between the big trees looming above you, you noticed a small wooden board ahead of you with a person beside it, examining it. Coming closer, you noticed the man was looking at a map of the park and its surroundings.

“Excuse me, do you know what path leads this way? I got a little lost.” He said, pointing at the map and turning around to look at you. Seeing who the man was, you almost screamed. Right in front of you was Im Jaebum himself, asking you for directions. “Oh, r-right! You just have to go that way and turn left at the end.” You said as calmly as you could while pointing in the direction you were describing.

“Ah, okay. Thank you!” Jaebum smiled and started to walk away. You just stood there, trying to process the whole thing. Realizing what had just happened, you ran after him. This was a one-time opportunity, you couldn’t waste it like that! Hearing your footsteps, Jaebum turned around, confused.

“Wait! You’re Jaebum, right? I’m a huge Got7 fan! I just wanted to tell you that I really love your music and I hope-” As you were talking, it felt like the run had cost you your last bit of energy because the next thing you knew, everything was black and your legs gave in, resulting in you falling down. Luckily for you, a pair of arms managed to catch you at the last second, easing you slowly onto the ground.

Gaining your consciousness back, you were met with Jaebum squatting next to you, smiling. “Are you okay? Wait, I didn’t get you too excited, did I?” He asked, making your cheeks heat up. “What? No! I’m fine, I just didn’t get much sleep and had a long day at work, that’s all.” You told him as you got back up. “Whatever you say. But get a lot more rest from now on, will you?” He asked with a bright smile, making you smile as well.

Jackson:

Just like any other Saturday, you woke up extra early to go to the gym. This was the best time to go since there were almost no people in there at that time, leaving you to yourself. But with the insane amount of work you had throughout the week, waking up that day was harder than ever.

Pushing through, you headed into the main room, finding a place to warm up. There was only one other person in the room, working out by himself while listening to some music. Perfect. Once you got to your spot, you started your usual stretches.

Midway through, you felt a tap on your shoulder. Looking up, you froze on the spot. Right in front of you was the one and only Jackson Wang. How did you not notice him before?

“Hi, sorry to interrupt you, but what’s the stretch you’re doing called? I’ve seen it a few times but I never knew how to do it properly, so I’d like to look it up when I get home.” He said with a small smile. You tried to reply as casually as you could, but what came out was a stuttering mess. “O-of course - I mean I’ll show you, haha. I don’t really know w-what it’s called, b-but I can teach you how to do it.”

To your surprise, he just laughed, making you even more embarrassed than you already were. Seeing your shocked face, Jackson caught on pretty quickly, which made him laugh even more. “Really? Thank you! Also, correct me if I’m wrong, but do you know who I am?” He asked, making you smile shyly. “I-I do, I didn’t notice you when I walked in, so you just caught me a bit off guard, sorry. Anyway, would you like me to teach you how to do it?” You asked, to which he nodded eagerly. And so you leaned down. That turned out to be a big mistake as your whole body decided to give out from the sudden movement, sending you straight onto the ground.

You woke up a moment later to see a very confused Jackson staring back at you. “Umm, are you okay? It’s not because of me, is it?” He asked, making you embarrassed that he thought you were so excited to see him that you actually fainted. “No no, it’s nothing like that, I’m just a bit tired from work, that’s all.” You said with a reassuring smile, but it didn’t seem to impress him at all. “You know, I’m tired as well, but I’m not fainting, so it doesn’t seem like anything small to me. Wait here, I’m going to get you some water.”

To your surprise, Jackson actually stayed with you for some time, talking with you as you slowly came back to your senses.

Jinyoung:

Today was the day. The day that the book you wanted from the library would be available again after someone had it for what seemed like ages. You were exhausted from work but couldn’t risk anyone else borrowing it, so you went anyways. Walking into the library, you went up the stairs and started searching. After a few minutes, you spotted what you were looking for.

You tried to get it, but it was all the way up on the top shelf. Stretching higher, your fingertips finally touched the book, making you smile victoriously. Using all of your energy, you didn’t hear the footsteps behind you until it was too late. A hand reached out and grabbed the book, pulling it out of the shelf.

You turned around to see the stranger, but what you saw was beyond anything you had expected. Park Jinyoung. The Park Jinyoung. Your eyes widened, unable to say anything. “Excuse me, but I came here for this book as well.” He said, holding up the book. “What?” You asked, dumbfounded. Did Jinyoung just steal your book? “I said that I’m very sorry, but I wanted to borrow this book as well, so if you don’t mind, I’d like to take it home with me.” He said, chuckling.

“But Jinyoung- I mean-! I came here first!” You said, feeling the blush creeping onto your cheeks. Seeing your flustered state, he laughed. “Oh, so a fan of mine? Hmm, what about a deal? You let me borrow it and in return, I’ll let you take a selfie with me.” He said with a grin. “O-oh ok! Sure!” You said, pulling out your phone but dropping your keys in the process. You quickly bent over for them, but it seemed like the sudden movement didn’t go along with your body too well as you suddenly got very dizzy. Sinking to the ground, you heard Jinyoung call out for you one last time before fading into nothing.

You woke up on the floor, propped up against a bookshelf. A few moments later Jinyoung returned, this time with a small cup of water. He crouched down, handing you the cup. “Are you okay? I’m sorry, I didn’t know I would shock you this much.” He said with a shy chuckle. “Oh, don’t worry, it wasn’t because of you. I just didn’t get much sleep lately, that’s why. Sorry that I made you worry.” You said, drinking the water.

“Oh, that’s good - I mean like it’s good that it wasn’t because of me, not that it’s good that you didn’t get much sleep.” He rambled from embarrassment, making you chuckle. “I still feel bad though, so as a small apology I will let you take a photo with me and the book as well.” He said with a shy smile, making your heart melt.

Youngjae:

Leaving work, you were exhausted. But even though the only thing you wanted to do right now was to jump into your bed and sleep for the rest of your life, you still had to drop by a pet shop to buy some food for your little friend back at home.

As you were looking around the shop, you spotted a person you thought you would never have the chance to meet. Before you could even think your decisions through, you were already going up to him, a big smile plastered across your face. “Hi! You’re Youngjae, right? It’s so nice to meet you in person!” You said as he turned around, a little surprised. “Don’t worry, I don’t want a photo or anything. I just saw that you were looking at some dog food and our family has a dog as well so I can recommend some brands that are really good if you want.”

“You would do that for me? Coco stopped liking the food she has now, so I was checking out all the different options here, but it’s a little overwhelming.” He said with a chuckle, pointing at the giant amount of different brands and kinds of dog food on the shelves. “Wait, you’ll really let me help you? Oh my god, that’s so cool!” You said excitedly as you started to look around, spotting the brand you were looking for.

Your excitement came to a halt when you started to feel dizzy, your vision getting fuzzy as well. Next thing you knew, you were lying on the floor with Youngjae panicking next to you. “Oh my god, are you okay? I didn’t make you too excited did I?” Youngjae said worriedly.

You chuckled at his words, finding his behavior really cute. “Oh no, don’t worry, it’s not your fault, I’ve just been sleeping a lot less than I should, that’s all.” You said, sitting up. “Well, you better start sleeping a lot more then! I almost had a heart attack just now!” He said, giving you his hand and helping you back up on your feet.

BamBam:

After another long day at work, you decided to treat yourself by going to the nearby mall to look at some clothes. As you were changing from one shirt into another, you started to feel a little funny. Deciding it was probably time to go, you quickly changed back into your own clothes and exited the small room.

As you were putting the clothes back where they belonged, you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned around and gasped at who you saw. “What? Am I that beautiful?” BamBam, who appeared right in front of you asked with a laugh. “What- I-I mean of course! I just didn’t really expect to see someone like you here.” You said, suddenly feeling short of breath.

“Why? I mean, I have to get my clothes somewhere, don’t I?” He said with a chuckle, amused by your still very much shocked face. “But that’s not what I meant to ask you.” He said, showing you a jacket and a shirt. “Do you think these would look good on me?”

But before you could say anything, everything went black and you could feel yourself slipping out of consciousness. You came back to reality a few seconds later, only to see BamBam’s face right in front of you, confused. “Are you okay? Do you need any help?” He asked, to which you shook your head, slowly getting up.

“I’m fine, just a bit tired from work, that’s all.” You said, embarrassed that you just managed to faint in front of BamBam. “Damn it, I was hoping you fainted because of me.” He said, faking disappointment.

Even though he was very worried about you, he didn’t want to make you feel bad, so he tried to make you laugh instead. Which, to his luck, you did. Once you were back up on your feet, he showed you the clothes again, smiling. “So, now that the sleeping beauty has woken up from her slumber, I would like to know her opinion on these.” He said with a grin, making you laugh with him.

Yugyeom:

It was late at night when you were finally able to go home. Getting out of the tall building that was your office, you headed down to the subway. Walking down the stairs, you started to feel a bit dizzy, but since you couldn’t really do much about it, you just opted for sitting down at a nearby bench while trying to calm down a little.

The silence in the station was broken by the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs, making your head turn in its direction, only to spot a tall guy walking down. There was something very familiar about him, but you couldn’t really figure out what. He stopped a few meters away from you, pulling out his phone. In the middle of his texting, he looked up, exposing his face to you.

You felt your heartbeat fasten at the sight. It was Kim Yugyeom, one of your absolute favorites in Got7. Looking up from his phone, he noticed you and smiled, making your heartbeat even crazier. Mustering up all the courage you had, you stood up and walked over to him.

“Hi, I hope I’m not bothering you, but I’ve been a fan for a really long time, so I was wondering, could I take a photo with you?” You said, surprising yourself with how smooth you were. It didn’t seem to last too long though, as your dizziness came back, this time even stronger. You felt your legs give out right after, falling down. Luckily, two hands caught you before you could fall to the ground, but even that didn’t stop your light-headed state as your mind went blank and vision turned dark.

You awoke on the subway bench with Yugyeom sitting next to you, shaking your shoulder gently to wake you up. “Hey, are you okay? Should I call someone?” He asked, voice filled with worry. You shook your head. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing. I just didn’t get much sleep for the past few days and it made me a little light-headed.”

“Oh.” Was all that Yugyeom said, feeling dumb for thinking you fainted because of him. With blush creeping onto his cheeks, he quickly changed the topic. “So, uh, do you still want to take the photo?”

Finally, after making you wait for eternity, here’s another post! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to make myself some pasta for dinner so I don’t die of hunger ♥

#got7 #kpop #reaction #got7 reaction #masterlist #got7 masterlist #yugyeom #jackson #jinyoung #jaebum #mark #youngjae #bambam #bts #exo #bigbang #monsta x

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wannaonescenarios · 6 years

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rest.

this is going to get kind of long so i’ll try my best to shorten it.

maybe you have an idea from the title and im pretty sure people have followed me for a while probably saw this coming, but i am most likely leaving this blog.

i was initially going to compile a document full of my unfinished works and go but i feel like explaining myself because i couldn’t find it in me to leave without saying anything. honestly, i saw it coming and maybe you guys did too. the gaps between when i published my works and empty promises. not only that, but school has been kicking my ass and its probably not a valid excuse lol because other writers produced some vvvv great works while juggling with other activities and im amazed because they are constantly releasing stuff and here i am with constant writers block lol

with that aside, i just don’t feel the same happiness liked i used too. in the summer, i was so excited with this blog, and every note or reblog i got made me extremely happy. of course, notes and reblogs don’t mean much to me but i can’t help but get happy when i see people like my work. but now, i guess, its not the same.

now, i write whenever and i force myself too. i feel bad that i have all these requests in my inbox and i force myself to write because it’s just going to sit there and never be written lol. but posting something that i forced myself to write only makes me dislike writing even more if that makes sense haha.

and,,,another thing it has to do with this is mental health wise lol. this year started out great but it slowly went downhill and even now, i still find myself unhappy because of what is happening around me. i don’t know when ill get out of this, but i hope its soon.

i don’t know if i’ll comeback, maybe in a few months ill come back and be like ‘’siKEEE you thought you’ve seen the last of me’’ but honestly,,i don’t see myself doing that. but if i do, i guess it won’t be on here.

anyways, ik i have lots of stuff unfinished so ill probably compile that in a doc and leave it up for view if anyone wants to see what i wrote and if it made it or not lol. but if you’re curious, send me an ask and ill answer anything really. ask me why im leaving. ask me why i lost inspiration idk. ill probably answer most things.

moving on, feel free to ignore this but i want to address some people before i upload the doc and leave. also,,ill probably add more when my heads clear lol

@wannaonestars my fave!! the og!!! queenie, i’ll miss you very much. you mean a lot to me and im very glad that i met you!! you make me very happy and even though we don’t talk as much anymore, im so glad to have these memories with you and talked as much as we could. i hope senior year is going okay for you!! you can survive college prep, i believe in you!! also, i love scrolling through our old messages because it brings back all these memories of summer and im just??? crying but it’s totally fine :))) i love you lots, and i hope to read more of your writing hopefully!!

@singingmyreverie im sorry i never reply,,,you deserve way better than a shitty friend i am lol but im very thankful that i met you and im sosos thankful to have a caring friend like you. you make me happy and really happy!! i love looking back at our convos, and even though we suck at replying to each other lol, im glad that we even managed to talk despite the time gaps lol. thank you for being here.

@wanna-one-scenarios !!! my fellow girl group stan,,im so sorry i never reply. i love talking to you about gfriend (aka my ult bias group) and im forever thankful that we managed to talk even though i suck at replying lol im so glad to find someone who loves girl groups as much as i do, and ill never forget your tinder profile ‘rowley’ smh !!!!!1!!1 i still have your wanna one album,, that i’ll one day send LOL

@jjeehoon my man,, i never reply to you and im so sorry. even tho you ‘stan’ seongwoo, we all know u stan jihoon smh!!! i love when you talk to me about hello counselor bc thats my fav show!! and i never watched that one w daniel im so sorry,,but maybe one day!! also, im still looking forward with that witch au,,you better pull through LOL but thank you,,, an og!! im so glad to have talked to you and im so glad to see your account grow to what it is today.

@imagineproduce101 carina,,,i’ll miss you lots. and ik we don’t really talk at all lol but im super glad to meet you through the gc!! i get so happy seeing your blog grow to what it is today. i remember reading your oneshots like that woojin one about prom and asking for help in the gc nffknk i also remember contacting you outside the gc because i was so shy jnfsdfjnf and im just super happy to see how far you’ve grown,,with tons of followers now?? like wtf u go carina,,,im sososo proud of you!! even though we don’t talk at all, i’ll be supporting you!! thank you for giving me help when i need it, and i hope you’re super successful from now on!!

@onlyjihoons !!! zelia!! a cutie!!! im so glad to have write you,, and i’ve always meant to reply but i feel like its too late,, i hope it is TT but thank for!! i’ll really miss reading your writings and im super glad to have met you!! i remember when you told me when you went to a w1 fanmeeting and im still smiling remembering that. thank you for bringing so much happiness and hopefully it isn’t too late to reply to your kk message,,im such a bad friend TTT thank you agian.

#please read!!!!#personal #update #.me

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book-n-bean · 5 years

Photo

So, I’ve been dealing with - and trying to figure out - this whole bisexuality thing for a while now. I can’t remember the first time I started wondering whether I liked girls, or even the first time I started noticing/liking girls, but I know I started to truly think about it at the end of 2016; I said that I was bisexual. And then I later took that back and then said it again, pushed it to side; absolutely messed with the whole idea of it for ages because I was confused. I was confused about how I could be attracted to both genders, and then I started to question what liking someone really meant and then why I liked boys vs why I liked girls, what I didn’t like about each gender; etc. And it’s not like I sat there for days on end just thinking about it, my thoughts on my bisexuality have always been broken up, I’ve never just sat and thought about it for a while. And maybe that’s just because it’s a hard topic, even as I wrote ‘my bisexuality’ just then I kinda grimaced...because I feel self-conscious about it or wrong, I can’t really explain it.

So...I think the first time I remember really noticing girls was in year 8. I remember being in math class and I was watching other people walk in and this girl, who is now my friend, who’ll I’ll call Selene, came in and I just remember noticing her boobs and thinking like ‘wow they’re kinda big,’ even though they aren’t really? Like they’re not huge, anyway...it was absent minded though, it wasn’t like ‘oh, wow! i’m attracted to her boobs, she’s hot!’ it was just an observation. And then at the end of year 8 we were at the beach with a group of friends and I was like ‘shit, I wish my boobs were like that,’ and that’s the first time I kind of consciously thought about boobs looking good and being attractive; but I still kind of absentmindedly pushed that aside; I was like, it’s not a big deal, because it wasn’t to me at the time.

And yea, my memory has been all kinds of crazy lately, so I’ve been having trouble remembering a lot of things, so I honestly can’t think of another specific time around then that I was thinking about girls, but I do vaguely remembering noticing girls more and more after that. I’m an observant person, so it’s completely normal for me to just notice people and little things about them, but it wasn’t like that, it was the little thoughts that came with observing. And again, it was all absent-minded and I didn’t focus on it, but I remember starting to think ‘oh she’s pretty,’ and stuff that like, I wish my memory was better haha. :(((

Anyway, I came out to my mum and to her boyfriend, at some point, like a year or two ago, i think? Around then. And I can’t remember why I came out to them, what made me do it, what was going on in my head at the time; all I know, is that I came out to them. I can’t even remember who i did it with first, maybe mum’s boyfriend? Anyway, he took it well, he just said it was okay and told me about his sister who’s a lesbian and yea, he hugged me and it was great; smooth. And then I told my mum, and I think she was surprised or she didn’t really believe me, I’m pretty sure she said something like, “really?”. But we sat down, we talked about it, she was asking me all these questions about whether I could imagine being with a girl, kissing a girl, sex, marriage; all that. And she didn’t really agree with it, she told me she believed in a man and a woman and I said that I understood that and that’s half what I’d believed in for a while, but basically, I was just being like, “i don’t know what’s going on, but this is how I feel, this is what I am, so i’m just going to accept that right here right now.” and she kind of just accepted it and it was all good, we haven’t talked about it since then - which is probably because I had a boyfriend at the time and up until about a month and a half ago, woo.

So, yes, I had a boyfriend while I was figuring this all out - and I’m in that stage of hating him and wishing that he would fall off the face of the earth or just disappear for a while so I didn’t have to seem him *cough* forever *cough*. But yea, I remember telling him that I was bisexual and it was pretty chill, he was a little concerned though, and he was kind of selfish? I’ll get into that. Anyway, a little while after that I had one of those Saraha accounts where people ask you stuff anonymously online and you answer them by taking screenshots and people them on Instagram/Snapchat stories, and someone asked me whether I was bisexual. And I was honest, I was accepting it and I didn’t feel like I had anything to hide then, so I said yes. And then my boyfriend at the time got kind of upset and mad about it, he was kind of like, “Why would you post that online? Why would you out yourself online?” but it wasn’t really a big deal to me, like in my mind, bisexuality wasn’t as big as being gay or being straight, it was like, maybe I like girls, maybe I like boys; and at the time I was a bit like, I don’t know I’m just trying to figure it out. So anyway, he was kinda all like “How do you think that makes me look?” And all that, like me being bisexual made him some kind of prop or joke, but I genuinely liked him and was attracted to him. And after that he sort of let it go for a while and we just didn’t talk about it.

BUT THEN...two things happen, like 6 months apart or something like that, maybe even a year or longer. The first, one of my transgender friends, at the time, asked me to hang out with him and be his New Years Eve Kiss, and I was like “sure, that sounds fun, sneaking out, kissing, woo.” Anyway, I had a boyfriend, and in no way really even cared about whether it was cheating (i did a little bit, shush), and that’s when we talked about the bisexuality because obviously, he was upset. So, I was like, “look, I love you, I want to be with you, but I just want this one chance to kiss a *girl* and I promise it’ll never happen again.” and clearly he was still pissed off and upset with this but he agreed, reluctantly. Long story short, it didn’t end up happening, we hung out but we didn’t kiss; I think we both wanted to, but we were both hesitant and it just wasn’t right at the time. And I was glad for it, I remember walking home in the dark that night at like 2am and it was cold and I didn’t have data so I couldn’t text my boyfriend to reassure him of anything, and I know he went to bed sad or he’d sent me a text saying he wish I wasn’t doing what I was doing. So that sucked, and I felt horribly guilty and just sad and incredibly bad for what I’d put him through. But I was glad I didn’t cheat on him and that I didn’t do that. But yea, I do remember now wishing I had taken the opportunity to kiss that friend because I did, and still do have an attraction to them and I’ve always wondered what it would have felt like; but yea, oh well.

Anyway, the second thing that happened, a long while later, was that, again on this Saraha app or something, someone messaged me; “Hey, I like u, okay bye.” and I was like, oh shit, and then she anonymously told me she was a girl and she didn’t want to tell me who she was because I had a boyfriend. But she did end up telling me, andddd that went badly because I had a bit of a crush on her too but I’d been ignoring it. Anyway, my boyfriend was watching all this and he was like “fuck, im losing my girlfriend, there’s this random girl coming after her” so that was fun, and I told him Iiked her too and he was like, “well fuck”. *the amount of times we should have broken up before we actually did is insane* Anyway, the crush ended up dying out, you’re welcome boyfriend. But it was still a thing that happened where I was genuinely, basically for the very first time, acknowledging that I had a crush on a girl, and imagining being with a girl.

So after that happened, I started to venture more and more into this whole bisexuality thing and I really started to think about it a bit more, but again, my thoughts on it would happen like once every few months and then I’d just forget about it because I was busy with my boyfriend. And I’d just like to say, through all of this that I’ve been talking about, it was only girls that I was getting curious about and having feelings for, besides loving my boyfriend and being attracted to him, etc, i wasn’t interested in any other guys; so yea. It was pretty chill for a while, I just kept on observing, noticing little things about girls, no major crushes or anything at all really.

And then, a new girl came to our school, and I didn’t think much of it for a couple of months. And then we started talking and we had a lot in common and were just texting eachother non stop for a while. I remember going to school one monday after we’d been texting all weekend, and I didn’t have a crush on her or anything, I don’t think, but when I saw her I got all nervous and stuff, and I wanted to go and talk to her but i was nervous to do it; which was really weird to me, and I remember thinking, “oh this feels like a crush” but I was thinking generally, not even considering having a crush on her. So I did end up going and talking to her, and we were so shy and nervous around eachother, it was really sweet actually. All i remember was wanting to make her laugh and just loving it when she did laugh at stuff I said because it made me feel so funny; and I just remember whenever I was around her, for ages afterwards even, I just felt nicer and I wanted to compliment her and make her smile and she kinda made me just want to be a nice person and never hurt her, etc.

So then, fast forward a couple of months, to the start of 2019. A group of my friends went to the beach for her birthday, and the entire day, this girl and I were together constantly. We’d be sitting and talking all taking, taking selfies together, we even got some where she kissed my cheek. And when we’d talk, it’d be about serious stuff and then dirty stuff or we’d just be joking around; we always had that balance when we talked about stuff. And for the longest time at the start of this year, I just remember admiring her and thinking about her a lot. Anyway, a little while later, we all hung out at the beach again, and the first thing I thought when I saw her was how cute she looked, like she had her hair in a high bun and she was smiling and wearing a long hoodie and no pants, but a bikini; you get the picture. And she just looked so cute? Like I just wanted to cuddle her, and I realised I really wanted to kiss her that whole day while we were hanging out, I was kinda pushing the thought aside, but not as much as all those other thoughts in the past. So this was my first real intense crush on a girl, not intense, just sort of serious.

So if we fast forward to now, I’ve thought about her tons, we’ve had sleepovers (well, one), she helped dye my hair pink, sleepover wasn't that great bc we got bored really quickly and we were being shy. She did my makeup for a wedding about a month before that which was really sweet. I’m sure stuff kept happening in between, we were really friendly to each other, just being there for each other, texting a lot and just talking about problems, sending memes, joking; all that stuff. We’d even have conversations where we kind of talked about dirty things we’d done or wanted to do, not with each other or anything, just in general. And we’d talk about nudes, we even shared our nudes with each other just because we were like “look at how great my butt/boobs/stomach, etc. looks in this picture” and it was chill but I think we both liked it. I think she told me she was bisexual as well, we had some sort of conversation about that and yea. But a couple months ago, we were just being friendly, we kind of drifted apart since the start of the year, but we got closer and we were just being kinda cutesy? Like hugging each other a lot at school, complementing each other, we even ended up writing each other notes and sneaking them into each other’s lockers or pockets, like song lyrics and just cute little messages. We held hands walking to the bus stop and were just being cute, (I still had a boyfriend) and it was platonic like I don’t remember having a crush on her, it was just cool to be close to a girl, my feelings for her had sort of diminished.

But yea, in general, I’ve had little fantasies about girls and I’ve thought about being bisexual a lot this year. Because I’ve had a huge crush on this guy since the start of the year and it’s still going strong, I had a crush on a guy at work as well but it’s sort of calmed down a lot now. But I’ve also had crushes on girls, well, not really, but the reason I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately is because I am currently harboring a crush on a girl, she’s older than me and she’s cute and it’s so dumb because as if she’d ever want to kiss me or anything. That’s another thing, all it is is kissing, like all I want to do is kiss her, maybe like hang out and get close and text and stuff, but I don’t want a relationship, nor do I want sex. I just want something casual, like being friends but with kissing included, which is dumb. But it’s definitely a crush and it’s basically one of the biggest crushes I’ve had on a girl, besides the other girl that i was just talking about, but this one feels more legit than that crush. Like I don’t know.

I’ve got crushes on boys and girls, I don’t want to be in a relationship because I’m scarred and hurt and trying to get over one, and will be for a couple of months at least. But I wanted to kiss people, like I really want to kiss people. I just keep thinking about running my hands through their hair and making out and just being close to people and casual and friendly and nice and hugging and all that. I don’t know, maybe I’m just lonely but I’ve never really just wanted to kiss people like this before.

Anyway, the story’s almost over now, the last thing I have to talk about right now is the ‘fantasies’. I feel like that’s supposed to be a dirty thing but it’s really not, the way I think of it. So I’ve had like two fantasies. One was a while ago, the first fantasy, and I remember it vividly, sitting in my girlfriends bedroom, on a big bed with a peach coloured doona, the whole room had a peachy sort of glow to it. It was night time, the curtains (peach) were closed, she was sitting behind me against the pillows and I was sitting with my back to her between her legs and she was braiding my hair while we’re watching netflix (not important, but my hair was orange-ish, like light orange, and I think we were watching sex education but im not sure). Anyway, she’s braiding my hair, and she does something likes kisses my neck or I think she wrapped her arms around my neck, like a gentle huggy way, kinda leaning on me, and I turned around and we started kissing, making out. I can’t remember if I got on her lap or not, but I had my hands in her hair and we were just kissing and it was great; I loved the whole idea of it and as soon as I got the fantasy I wrote about it and had a bit of a crisis because I still had a boyfriend at this point and I was like, “oh shit, I really like the idea of that.” And I still do, it’s cute, I’d like that to happen, hehe.

Anyway, the second fantasy was nothing like that, nothing so vivid, it was just me and the girl I’m currently crushing on, and I think we were just making out on a grey bed, and literally it had barely any details or anything to it at all, but my hands were in her hair, on her, we were just making out and it was intense and it felt good, and that’s it. So I don’t even know.

But now that I’m single, I definitely wanted to kiss girls before, but now I really want to kiss girls, and as I said, just people in general; boys, girls, whoever. But right now, it definitely feels more like I want to kiss a girl, maybe it’s just because I’ve written about this and just want it now, but it sucks because I’ve got no girls to kiss. I’ve been considering (barely) confessing my feelings to my girl crush and just being like “can I kiss you,” because i kinda reckon she’d say yes, but if she didn’t like me, at all, then she’d say no and things would be awkward asf between us, oof. So that’s fine, it’s something I’m dealing with.

And the final thing, is that I’m going through all of this alone. I know that’s nothing new, because that’s how I deal with most of my problems; in solitude. But it’s hard, because I’ve got so many thoughts and feelings and pent-up energy and frustrations, I guess you could call them. But I have no one to talk to about it. Because my mum wouldn’t know what to say about it, my friend that I hung out at the beach with and all that jazz has been acting really weird towards me for a while and I can’t figure out what I did and I don’t feel like asking because I know she can pretend things are fine a lot even when they aren’t. And most of my friends are just not prepared to talk about stuff like that, they’re all kind of still immature or they just make fun of stuff like being gay and all that, so it would just be really awkward to have a serious conversation about.

I’ve been thinking about talking to a therapist, but I don’t know who. They don’t tend to help me and I can feel quite awkward talking to them, but clearly by looking at this hour-long bigass rant, I kind of need to talk to someone. And, by the way, I know this is very personal stuff, and I would have written it down in my journal, but that’s a lot of writing and my brain is just overflowing with thoughts right now so I decided this would be a better idea (??).

Anyway, I’d better wrap this up.

I’m bisexual. It doesn’t get much easier every time I say it, because I know that admitting it to myself isn’t the hard part anymore, but dealing with it, the feelings and other people is the hard part. So I don’t know what I’ll do, probably push it aside until the feelings push it back into my head; it’s sort of a cycle. I don’t think I’ll find a therapist to talk to, I don’t think it’s a good idea right now, but honestly? I have no idea what a good idea would be right now, in general; I’m out of ideas for how to deal with my life. I’m kinda just trundling along now, looking around cluelessly and trying my best to be kind and happy and laugh and genuinely just try to feel better, but somehow I’m torturing myself, mentally absuing myself, flipping between positivity and negativity, and even accidentally pushing people away and isolating myself a bit; sooooo things are going great. I’ll figure it out.

But for now, I’d better get my ass to bed because it’s 2:17am, yay, and I’m very tired and will be having some serious trouble tomorrow. Sorry future me, about the mood and the aching tiredness you’re bound to endure, as well as the sleepy bus rides and beep test that you’ll have absolutely no energy to complete.

Goodnight :))))

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v3-killing-harmony-imagines · 7 years

Text

deande mod application

killingharmonyimagine mod application

Mod Name: Mod Himiko (I hope it’s not a problem that I’m not kin with anyone from drv3. If it is feel free to disregard this application!)

Means of Contact: Tumblr: @deande, Discord: Mod Himiko

What I won’t write: Gore, that’s it pretty much!

Sample of writing:

I have a mostly fluff piece here but I can pretty much write most things! NSFW is my favourite to write!

Prompt: Hiya! Can I request all the boys reactions to finding their s/o’s secret collection of poems they write?

Korekiyo Shinguuji

* he came across the secret collection while looking in your book collection for anything that may interest him * and what he found certainly did interest him * he fell in love with your writing * the expression you put into your work was truly breathtaking * he was amazed at the ability one human could have in this area * he never knew you had so much emotion * you came home finding him sitting on the couch reading your poetry * your face turned bright red in embarrassment * he was so enthralled with your writing that he hadn’t noticed you had arrived until you stood in front of him * “s/o, this is… truly delightful” * he then proceeded to drown you in compliments * along with a few questions on how you write them, what you feel when writing, how your brain comes up with these masterpieces * he is truly fascinated as to how one human can put so much emotion into something they love * now, he’s even more intrigued by you than before

Rantarou Amami

* “what’s this, s/o?” * you looked over to see him holding your diary and you immediately panicked * “oh, haha it’s nothing!” * you tried desperately to play it off, hoping he would disregard the worn out book * he looked over at you, confused as to why you were blushing profusely * then, as he began to read, he realised why * “s/o? Is this really yours?” * out of sheer panic in the heat of the moment, you ran out of the room, with him running up to catch up to you * he stopped right in front of you * dammit, why does he have to be so fast * he looked you in the eyes and you were confused for a second * what is he doing? Is he going to say something? * then, with almost comedic timing, he grabbed your temples and planted a kiss onto your forehead * “this is adorable s/o, please continue to write more!” * now he always makes sure to watch you while you’re writing your poems * although it can be a little distracting at times, you love him too much to ask him to leave * perhaps he’s waiting for you to write one about a certain green-haired boy you know?

Ouma Kokichi

* you came home one day tired from work just wanting to pass out on the couch * in a daze you walked over to the sofa and laid down with your eyes open * and then you saw it * one of your most recent poems was…. stuck to the ceiling? * oh no * you sprung up from the couch to see your nightmare unfolding * your poems were stuck up all around the house * all around you * on the walls, the floor, the ceiling, the furniture, even on the paintings! * and then, as if this wasn’t bad enough, he popped up from behind the couch * “surprise s/o! Do you like what I’ve done to the place?” * you were furious, and he could sense this, which made him enjoy it even more * “i couldn’t keep my eyes off your work! so, I put them all around us so I always have one to read!” * you sigh * this honestly doesn’t surprise you * so instead of arguing, you do what he hates most * you ignore him and drift into sleep * and you may or may not wake up with another sheet taped to your forehead

Shuuichi Saihara

* he had always been supportive of you no matter what you did * he always encouraged you to do what you love * which is why, when he found your crumpled notes in the trash while cleaning one day, he was overwhelmed with joy * he realised you were probably embarrassed about it, so he kept it a secret that he found out about it * however, that didn’t stop him from reading whichever pieces he could find * one time he found one about himself, causing him to blush * he really admired your work * he started giving hints to you that he knew * he randomly bought a collection of poems one day * and the week after he took you to a slam poetry competition * after the fifth biography about Emily Dickinson you knew something was up * you confronted him, asking him what the deal was * and immediately he mustered the truth * “I…I found some of your poems” * he could see that you were blushing, causing him to blush too * now you were both just standing there, both blushing, both not knowing what to say * “so, um, what did you think?” you asked * “it was… amazing” * your timid boyfriend was still as shy as ever * you pieces together all the little hints he gave you like buying you books and the slam poetry competitions * he did all this for you? * Immediately you hugged him and pulled him in close * “thank you, Shuuichi” * you could feel the heat from his still-blushing face * you were so lucky to have such a cute and supportive boyfriend

Kaito Momota

* he came home early from training one day and decided to surprise you by sneaking in and embracing you * he assumed you were going to be in your room so he peered through the window * there you were, laying asleep on the bed * he snuck in through a window and went to lay beside you when he noticed something * there were pieces of paper beside you * he curiously picked one up and read it * it was a poem about him * OH MY JUPITER * A POEM ABOUT HIM?? A POEM FROM HIS S/O???? HIS ADORABLE FANTASTIC S/O???? * he was so excited that he began to jump up and down from the bed * looks like he forgot you were still sleeping * you awoke to find your boyfriend bouncing up and down holding a sheet of paper * wait… is that? * before you had time to freak out or cry or run away, he grabbed your waist and lifted you up * “s/o you’re so sweet and talented I love you so much!!” * you still found it amazing how this self-proclaimed “suave hunk” could be this excited by a piece of poetry * he finally let you down from his arms and he laid beside you * his eyes were gleaming as he stared at your work * “It’s really not very good a-and I’m still not fini-” * he cut you off with a firm smooch on the lips * “don’t you dare say anything like that!” * he saw how shocked you look * “I’m sorry I might have overreacted” * he didn’t overreact, in fact, this was the best response anyone could have given * you kissed him back to show your gratitude * he smiled at you as he pulled your head onto his shoulder * “I love you s/o” he muttered, as you both slowly drifted off into your well earned sleep

Kiibo

* he was in the garage one day looking for a certain wrench Iruma had given him for maintenance * he heard the door open and saw you walking in with a pile of papers * you had already taught him what it looks like when he’s stressed a few months ago and he said its best to avoid you at these times * he recognised this decided to ignore you as you had not even seen him there * he went back to searching when all of a sudden * BANG * what was that? where did the noise come from? * he immediately went over to check on you * he found you on the ground holding your head * oh no! s/o is hurt! * he went to pick you up when you said you were okay * “are you sure s/o? Let me at least pick up these papers for you!” * before you could say anything he had the sheets in his had and was reading through them * no one had obviously taught him yet not to be nosey with other people’s stuff * “Is this a poem s/o?” * you immediately grabbed the page from him * he looked up in confusion * “I am sorry s/o but I do not understand what the meaning of this poem is but I am sure it is amazing! ^^” * even though he had no idea what your poems meant he assured you they were good * you were blushing now * “s/o your face is turning red! something is definitely wrong! do you need some soup?” * man, this boy was adorable

Gonta Gokuhara

* he had been tending to his bugs when he saw something from the corner of his eye * through the crack in the door he saw you * you hadn’t seen him so he went in to see what you were doing * you had headphones in so you didn’t hear him * he looked over your shoulder and saw you were writing something * he tapped you on your shoulder, causing you to jump * “Gonta is very sorry s/o! Gonta didn’t mean to startle you! that wasn’t very gentleman like!” * you reassured him that it was okay * “Gonta was wondering what you were writing s/o?” * you froze up * “u-um I would rather not tap about it, im sorry” * Gonta was very confused * what was wrong? did Gonta do something to make you mad? did you not want to talk to Gonta? * you reassured him yet again that it was not his fault, you just weren’t comfortable talking about what you were doing * Gonta was still very confused as to why you didn’t want to talk about whatever you were doing * but, if you didn’t want to talk about it then Gonta would not mention it. * that’s what a good gentleman would do! * he hugged you from behind and left to talk to his bugs about how much he loved you, which you overheard * what a gentleman

Ryouma Hoshi

* you thought it was nothing to keep your poems a secret * they were pretty embarrassing * and they weren’t that good either * which is why when he found them in your drawer and confronted you about them, you burst into tears * this is not how he imagined this would go * “s/o there’s to need to cry. these poems are very nice” * he felt a little betrayed that you had kept these from him but he saw how distressed you were over them and decided to keep it to himself * once you finally calmed down he placed the pages on the table to him and sat down beside you * he told you honestly that he didn’t understand them but he was very happy that you found something you love * now, you’re crying with tears of joy * he kisses your cheek and tells you he loves you, which he mean so much * from then on, you promise to always show him your work and he promised to try to help whenever you need it

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markleetrashh · 7 years

Text

Heart attack;Jisung

Genre: fluff, tiny angst

Request: ayooo ~~ i wanna request fluffy jisung based on AOA's Heart Attack??? - anon that talks too much

A/N: this didn't go as well as i thought it would be but i hope you enjoy reading it!! tbh it's actually quite bad?? omg im so sorry,, it's been long since i actually wrote scenarios ahh

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I’ve completely fallen for you

Your soft voice

I’ve fallen for it

I’m trembling

You held up your shaking and trembling hand hesitantly in front of you, your head shyly looking down as your eyes couldn't finds its way to meet his. Cheeks flushed red, you bit your lips nervously as your heart stopped beating for second once you felt his warm palm holding yours.

"I'm Jisung if you didn't know! It's great being able to talk to you... finally haha"

His soft and soothing voice called out to you as he shook your hand, a slight tone of excitement ringing loudly in your ears. You bit your lower lip and lifted your head slightly to meet his eyes, a big smile on his face, a slight expression of anticipation as he waited for you to reply.

"Haha, of course i know you..."

You mentally slapped yourself after you realised what you said-you could've done better Y/N, why did you say that.

"Oh, it's great to be your dance buddy, let's have lots of fun together!"

You took his hand into yours hesitantly, trying your best not to give yourself away. You gave him a small smile, which he in return, let out a small giggle.

Your heart melted.

His voice itself could make you go weak, as tbe butterflies in your stomach churned and turned, and your whole body was shaking from the nervousness- all because of him. Only he had that power.

I totally understand how people fall in love at first sight

Now I know, the first time I saw you

You first saw him three years back, when you started taking up dance lessons as a hobby and something you do during your free time, despite you not being too interested in dancing. You were fascinated and entranced in his dancing, the way he'd always be so confident in every move he did, but change into a complete shy and awkward person after every performance. He attracted you.

You remember yourself going to dance lessons and dragging your lazy body out of the house just for the sake of seeing him every week, and as soon as you knew, you were more passionate in dancing, and started putting in more effort.

All for the sake of Park Jisung.

You'd notice how he'd always laugh and joke around with his friends in the dance room, and as time went by you noticed how you'd unknowingly smile too, as though he's the only main source of your happiness. The sweet and sincere smile he'd always give you when he caught eye contact with you always made you flustered and nervous, and soon enough, you were madly in love with him.

Oh my, I keep getting a heart attack

The more I see you

My heart keeps pounding, I don’t know

It’s like a heart attack, what do I do?

I keep wanting to be in your arms, baby

"I'll be coming in 10 minutes, wait for me alrights!" the boy on the other line of the phone called out to you, his flustered voice making you smile. You hummed in response and placed your phone in the small pouch slinged across your back, as you adjusted the side of the dress you bought and wore specially for today. Your heart was pumping against your chest so loudly, it felt as though it was going to pop up anytime.

Time passed quickly and as soon as you saw the familiar figure approaching you, your heart was at the top of your throat, as you tried your best to stay calm.

"I'm sorry i'm late! School ended late today," Jisung said out to you, his hands rubbing the back of his neck, as he gave you an apologetic look.

Your hands reached up to tuck the strand of hair behind your ear, "Oh.. No, it's okay!"

Jisung smiled again, then placed a hand on your shoulder, "You look really good by the way" as he moved his hand up to pat your head, then giving you a cheeky smile.

Your heartbeats resembled the sound of the hitting of the drums, and you tried your best not to fall right onto the ground from the happiness and content you were feeling. Keeping your cool, you playfully hit his hand, then giggled, "Thank you, you look good too hehe"

Jisung raised his eyebrows, and you saw his cheeks turn bright pink too, as he bent his head down slightly, hiding his face from you. He muttered a small 'Thank you' shyly, before he held your wrist gently, pulling you to the cafe he wanted to bring you to, the one he had been telling you about for the past two weeks.

Your first date with him, and he had already done so much.

Your heart couldn't take it, it felt surreal.

“What about him do you like so much?”

My friends ask and I answer, “Don’t talk if you don’t know”

Your best friend gave you a big smirk, then snatched your phone away from your hands, which caused you to sprawl over her lap, in attempts to take your phone back.

"see you tomorrow cutie- are you going on a date with him, AGAIN?" she read out the text message on your phone, then cooed, "my girl's all grown up now, she has a boyfriend, i'm proud of you, he just called you cutie omg??"

You couldn't help but blush, as you smacked her hand lightly, "Shut up omg- GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE"

"you saved him with three heart emojis, i don't think i even have one? wow Y/N, i thought i was more important than your boyfriend" she ignored your whines, then teased again.

"He's not my boyfriend for goodness sake, we're just really good friends."

She raised her eyebrows then smirked, "Yeah sure, good friends go on dates all the time almost every week and call each other cute nicknames, how cute"

You ignored her words, then reached forward to grab your phone from her hand. You stucked out your tongue as you managed to take it away, and you smiled immediately after you saw the message he sent after- it was a text full of heart emojis.

"You do know you look crazy right now, right?"

"Stop it, i swear i'll kill you if you say anything else-"

"Jisung probably wouldn't like to see that"

Oh my prince, where are you looking?

I’m right here

You’re so handsome, I just need you

I can’t live without you

Your heart sank the moment he entered the dance studio, totally ignoring you and your presence. You had looked forward to celebrating your one month together, but for some reason Jisung had been ignoring every single one of your messages and calls, and thinking that he was busy, you didn't let it bother you too much.

It was not until he talked and laughed happily with his friends, leaving you completely alone in the corner of the room, that made you feel worst- this was so unlike Jisung.

He'd normally greet you with a big hug or small peck on the forehead, and even offering to head down together for dance sessions. But today was different, on the date of your monthsary.

Jisung, what are you doing? Why are you acting like this?

This ruined your whole emotional state for the rest of the lesson, and you didn't have the mood or motivation to do your steps properly. Jisung didn't even look at you once, in contrast to you, where your eyes never left him at all.

"One, two- Y/N can you please do your steps properly, what is wrong with you today?" your instructor called out to you sternly, causing the others to turn to you.

So did Jisung.

Your eyes left his for a brief second, "I'm sorry- I'm just not in the right mind today" Your teacher shook her head and walked away to the other students without saying any other words, leaving you feeling sad and deeply affected.

Jisung wasn't looking anymore.

You couldn't take it anymore. Like a breeze, you sped out of the room as your tears fell down your cheeks. You heard someone call out your name from behind, and as soon as you know, Jisung was hugging you, his hand on the back of your head.

"I-I'm sorry my princess, did i go too far? I was actually planning for a surprise, i didn't mean to actually hurt you, i'm so sorry i love you" Jisung blurted out to you, a shocked expression on his face, his eyes on the verge of tearing up too.

You stared at him in shock, then slightly hitting his chest as you let out another cry of relief.

"Yuta hyung said this would be a good idea- I didn't mean this at all, i'm so sorry" he said out to you again, his hands now cupping your cheeks.

Your arms wrapped around his waist, your head resting on his shoulder, "Please don't do this ever again, it's the scariest thing ever."

Jisung gave a small smile, then nodded, "I promise i won't. Happy 1st month together by the way, i wanted to make it special so i tried coming up with a surprise which failed but know that i love you and i can never live without you."

You giggled, "I thought you had forgotten" you paused, giving Jisung a look, "But i love you too, happy first month"

Jisung took your hand in his, then pulled you back to the room, "There's a food party inside there right now, that was what i wanted to surprise you with, wanna go in?"

#nct #nct scenarios #jisung scenarios #jisung park #jisung #nct jisung #nct dream #nct dream scenarios

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