#i mostly just wanted anyone who's been an abuse victim in a similar way to realize that that's what it is
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I wanna talk about my mind for a little bit
I was gonna save this until after I posted the last Wingless Angel chapter but I can’t post it yet. Pretty sure my mind wants me to get this out of my system first.
So hi everyone, how are you? How have you been? Honestly if you’re still following at all I’m delighted.
I don’t want this to come across as some excuse for all the unfinished fanfic I left behind 3+ years ago, which is why I wanted to publish WA first, so I hope you don’t take it that way. But I ended up stumbling upon an aspect of my mental health that I’m still trying to address and since I never really saw anyone post or talk about my particular issue before very recently, I wanted to share it in case it resonates with anyone.
(Clearly stuff has changed, this is where I'd normally put a "read more" but.... I guess that's not a thing anymore?? Hopefully this isn't a huge annoying wall of text on everyone's dash, oof.)
I’ve posted before about my ADHD. I’ve been getting treatment for it for 10 years now, and for all that time, medication & other coping mechanisms have been helpful to a point, but only to a point. There was still something left that was keeping me from functioning, and I couldn’t tell what it was. All I knew was that I had no will of my own, and I’d spent the last 10 years trying to create situations where the people in charge were asking (or implying that i should do) things I considered good to do. “People in charge” meant anyone besides myself. If someone was not me, they automatically had authority, simply by virtue of being someone external to me.
I did a lot of research trying to find something that matched up with my experiences & feelings, even partially, and I looked into things like PDA autism and even just the people-pleasing habits common with other ADHD folks.
At some point, with therapy, I did learn how to say “no” to other people’s demands of me. I learned to set boundaries. But I was still profoundly uncomfortable with dictating what I was going to do, especially if anyone else was ever going to be aware of it.
When I was a little kid, i was told “no” constantly, and that’s not hyperbole. I’ve cited the story many times of falling in love with the violin when I was 9 but immediately being told “No, you’re going to play the flute.” So I played the flute, but without any passion for it I couldn’t figure it out and I quit, and my mom never stopped making me feel guilty about it. But that wasn’t the only example of that kind of thing. I wanted to play soccer; mom said play basketball, so I played basketball. I wanted to play piano; mom bought me a guitar and my sister got the electronic keyboard. (We eventually switched, but I never felt like I could fully commit to playing the thing). I wanted to learn Spanish or Japanese in high school; mom told me to learn French, so I took four fucking years of French.
My feelings and wishes were effectively not a factor in what I was allowed to do, what goals I was allowed to pursue, unless I was staying in my room and out of everyone’s way (and even then I had to make sure I jumped up to do what was asked of me if I got called from another room). Eventually I learned, as a survival mechanism, to just obey. It wasn’t worth fighting anymore because I was systematically robbed of my individuality at every turn. Something happened when I was 13 that I will never talk about publicly and she played "good parent who has her kid's back" for about 5 minutes before siding with the bad guy. I brought it up years later and she was mad I'd never gotten over it. And all that is on top of being raised to be a "good little capitalist drone" who needs to be perfect and efficient at all times. I was never supported. I was never given grace. So I never gave grace to myself, because if your own parents don't give you grace & time to learn and be flawed, then clearly you don't deserve any, right?
I finally cut my mother out of my life not long after the pandemic began, a few months after having gone no-contact from my father (mostly due to his casual racism & transphobia, which cost me at least one very close friendship when I was a kid, and was unkind to my child in a way I could not abide). My immediate family - spouse and kid - are the only family I have left now. And it sounds tragic on paper, because it is, but until I finally got away from my mother's voice in real life I couldn't filter through the recordings of her voice in my mind so I could finally throw them away. And that knot is still being untied. Honestly this is 10 years into a very long mental health journey, when you think about it, but I wish I'd cut my mom out of my life a very very long time ago. I wasn't angry about lost time when I got my ADHD diagnosis. I was angry about it when I realized that yes, this had been abuse, and I hadn't been courageous enough to get away from it sooner.
Because that dehumanization resulted in me having no will power of my own, and that extended as far as simply not wanting anything anymore. I like things, sure, but anything I WANTED for myself was out of the question, especially if it involved other people in any way, but honestly even solo pursuits became impossible for me to will myself to do. For right now, when I have something I want to do, I'm telling my friends & husband to order me to do it. Because I won't do it otherwise. And it's a potentially dangerous workaround, but it's all I have for now. I and my therapist are hoping that once my brain registers that what other people are telling me to do is aligned with what I want to do, maybe it won't depend on other people's commands anymore and I'll just take control of my own life for once. But that may not work. I'll have to wait and see.
So what does this have to do with my abandoned fics? Well, it had started to become more difficult to write because the adhd "shinyness" was wearing off anyway, but I'd been doing a good job of pushing past it because people liked what I was writing. I could see my skill getting better, and engagement was going up, and that was really motivating.
But then... I stopped writing fic all of a sudden because someone made a post about finding it shitty when writers wrote about COVID in their fics, and.... that was sort of a last straw that broke me, because I do exactly that in the last WA chapter. So I just turned tail and ran away. I tried to push through and write & publish the chapter anyway, because it was the LAST chapter and I knew people were waiting on it, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Even having OSBB obligations didn't get me writing again, and given that obligation, the shame I felt about not having finished those stories weighed on me so badly that I couldn't even interact with you guys on Instagram, despite you having been so kind to me in the past.
Let's face it, that goes WAY beyond adhd rejection sensitivity, that's a trauma response. I saw one bit of honestly well-reasoned critique of work that wasn't even mine, and I just ran. Immediately I felt like I was no longer allowed to take up space here. I felt unwelcome here in this corner of the internet world, just as I have always felt like I wasn't allowed to take up space in the physical world for almost my ENTIRE life. And the shame I already feel about myself normally was compounded by what I felt was a cowardly thing to do, which prevented me from returning.
Now that I've accepted that, yes, I am an abuse victim whose life has been MASSIVELY and MAJORLY affected by that childhood trauma, I'm finally able to address it properly. Over the last few weeks I've been changing the direction of my therapy and my self-talk (reparenting yourself is HARD) and I'm feeling some improvement, but progress isn't linear so my burst of motivation the other night fizzled out, and I'm genuinely sorry for that.
So... yeah, I'm trying to come back and get those fics finished. I'm grateful for any of you willing to be patient with me. Consciously I KNOW I deserve any support willingly given to me by any of you, but I FEEL like I don't. So yeah. Thanks. <3
#long post#me irl#i'm sure i had a tag for original posts but i dont' know wtf it was#it's been awhile#I'm too damn old to already have so many regrets#i'm mourning a lot of goals i had once that are no longer options#or even things i'm not as interested in doing anymore#like i'm still sad i didn't do them in the first place even tho i don't wanna do them now#but some stuff i really do want to do#and i hope to regrow my childhood will power soon enough that i can do them#cuz yeah there is a proper midlife crisis going on now#i am halfway to death if i'm lucky#and my life has never been my own#so i'm trying to seize it back but it is really hard to do#I feel like tumblr is the only site that would know where this post is coming from#anywhere else i know it'd just be seen as a sob story excuse or something#i mostly just wanted anyone who's been an abuse victim in a similar way to realize that that's what it is#because i resisted accepting it for so long#and it cost me so much time
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Talking about Saiki and SA here a bit, btw, just a warning~
Thinking about how you said Saiki was a victim of SA and you’re literally so right. I feel like people sometimes just blow right past the fact that Kusuke is like that with his brother, but I think it can add a lot to interpretations of his character. But even if it only goes as far as what is shown in canon — which I almost doubt — it still remains the fact that Kusuke is doing all of that knowing fully well that his brother can hear him. It’s literally sexual harassment.
People point it out more often with Teruhashi and her brother (back to the reasons you said, people think it’s more serious if it happens to women). But the things he does, that’s all sexual harassment. And yet when Kusuke does similar things, it’s often brushed aside. Just,,, a bit crazy to me.
(And that’s not even mentioning when people completely disregard this part of Teruhashi’s story and act like she’s one-dimensional,,, but that’s another story)
But all this to say you’re literally so right. Anyways love you mwah =^•w•^=
THANK YOU SO MUCH. I NEEDD PEOPLE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS MORE.
(heed the sa warning + abuse and incest warning before opening, i talk a LOT here.. im mostly just reiterating what happens directly in the manga though.. ALSO EXTREMELY LONG POST WARNING..)
I always viewed kokomi and makoto + kusuo and kusuke as like.. paralleling each other ? not sure if thats the right word, but IMMEDIATELY when i saw both of these dynamics i made the connection.. i guess since it was so clear to me, i assumed that it was so obvious and on purpose that everyone else knew too, but so many people just.. ignore it..
i think most people that read/watch saiki k have recognized the fact that most main characters are meant to parallel or relate to saiki in at least some way, (if anyone who doesnt know what im talking about is reading this, im sure at least someone on here has done a better breakdown on that, i just.. dont know where to find that..) but this particular connection is one i dont see often and i genuinely believe that its almost entirely because of the whole "sexual assault/harassment isnt as serious when it happens to men as when it happens to women" thing.. most of the fandom acknowledge that what makoto does is awful and kokomi is a victim, so why is it different when its kusuke and kusuo ??
its EXACTLY the same.. what we see on screen with the saikis is WORSE, actually.. and what WE see from these two relationships isnt the full extent of what the two victims experience off screen, and i strongly believe that its heavily implied that both kokomi and kusuo have been through much worse with their brothers than whats shown..
we have no idea what kusuke couldve done BEFORE moving away and creating the telepathy canceler (and dont say that he couldnt have done anything cuz they were kids, cocsa [child on child sa] is still a thing and still valid, ESPECIALLY since they were both kid geniuses and kusuke definitely KNEW better.. but yea, kusuo implies that hes been like that for a long time, way before we ever saw them, sooo..) and its highly likely that whatever happened that we didnt see, before or after the move, was WORSE than what he does ON screen (i honestly dont want to think about what a guy with an incestual obsession with his brother does with cameras everywhere in his brothers home..) and what we see him do is already insane..
literally using his brother to get off, manipulating him and forcing him to play the games that give him sexual pleasure.. actually, speaking of, ive seen some people say that what kusuke does isnt really incest because the only reason he uses kusuo is because hes a masochist and kusuo is the only person that can overpower him.. this is a total misfire LOL, his upbringing alongside kusuo and his relationship with him is the REASON that hes a masochist, the ENTIRE REASON why thats what he gets off to.. its not just CONVENIENT that kusuo is there to get him off, he SPECIFICALLY seeks kusuo out and forces him to do things that give him sexual pleasure.. he believes that kusuo is the only person in the world that can ever give him sexual pleasure, what about that doesnt sound incestuous?
and one of the worst parts of it is, kusuo BARELY acknowledges how weird it is.. in fact, he's COMPLACENT in a lot of the games, obedient even, being bribed into them the same way he does with simple things like bringing kuniharu to work.. this is the biggest reason why i believe the off-screen stuff is probably worse, because kusuo is obviously conditioned to think that letting your brother get off to you is just.. fine.. we hardly see him try to get away from this situation beyond simply calling him gross.. theres one moment during the cat tank situation where kusuke tries to get him to grab the limiter off of his crotch specifically so that he can see him in that position and kusuo looks terrified and cant do it, BUT its unclear whether the expression of fear was entirely his concentration because he didnt wanna break the limiter or because he didnt want to let his brother get off to that, and i think its mostly the former ? idk, i dont remember this part that well but im preeeetty sure..
he does acknowledge that MAKOTOS behavior is bad when he sees it, but he never thinks its a big enough deal that he needs to help her or anything, (except for maybe the okinawa situation) which i know is probably just for the sake of not letting the gag manga get too serious, BUT it can also be explained pretty easily by this whole thing.. the way kokomi is treated is literally the same way kusuo lives his life, even down to their incestuous brother being possessive to the point of berating their potential love interests.. (which in this case happened to be each other, kusuo and kokomi..)
so yeah, kusuo just. doesnt really know how bad it actually is ? or maybe he does, but doesnt acknowledge it because he doesnt WANT to.. him barely acknowledging it and being complacent is part of why some people dont really get that its sa and incest, but his complacency obviously plays a big part in how its effected him too, like thats purposeful.. like i said, hes been CONDITIONED not to acknowledge it..
to me, it looks like a classic situation in which kusuo doesn't acknowledge his trauma because he knows that if he did, it would change his outlook on his life, his family, and his childhood FOREVER. he would never be willing to tell anyone or ask for help on his own accord, and accepting that there was anything wrong in the first place means, to him, dealing with that issue by himself for the rest of his life.
why would he ever admit that anything was wrong if nothing would change either way? the only thing that WOULD change is HIM, and why would he want that? isnt it better to be blissfully unaware than to knowingly suffer in silence?
plus, he genuinely does love his brother and knows in the back of his mind that kusukes feelings toward him comes from their unhealthy upbringing and relationship and its more complex than just "hes an evil guy blah blah.." because he isnt really evil and kusuo KNOWS that.. actually, he might be the only person in the world who COULD understand..
so yeahhhh.. kokomi and kusuo are both CANONICALLY victims of sexual harassment.. (and incestual abuse at that..) and, by my interpretation, implied victims of sa as well !! (im not really sure where the line can be when it comes to this sometimes, like when your brother sniffs your bedsheets and rubs himself on them or gets off to you right in front of your face or tries to get you to grab something positioned over his crotch so he can see you in.. THAT position.. but i already said that its pretty likely that both brothers have gone farther than that off-screen..)
anywayyyy.. this is so important to me and i wish people would talk and write about it more instead of pretending it never happened and mischaracterizing every one of these characters, especially for the sake of a ship like i was talking about in my other post.. it sucks that people so often just cast kusuos canon issues aside..
#i really wish this was talked about more..#i referenced a really old draft to write this that i never posted because i couldnt figure out the phrasing#so thank you for giving me the opportunity to finally talk about this in detail lol#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo#saiki kusuke#teruhashi kokomi#teruhashi makoto#sa tw#incest tw#abuse tw#meows post#meownalysis
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🧡💛💚💙💜🤍💖💀
🧡: What is a popular (serious) theory you disagree with?
The theory that Iris loved the Flash and not Barry. Her confession in s2 is literally her stating otherwise. People love to cite Armageddon, but…aside from that being very victim-blame-y (sure, guys, put that on Iris instead of the guy literally messing with her mind), people also forget that she literally shot Eobard, whom she thought was the real Flash, for the sake of Barry, whom she thought was the Reverse Flash. And then whispered “Barry, I love you too” with enough power to motivate him to set things right. Does that sound like someone who only loves the Flash??
💛: What is a popular ship you just can't get behind, and why?
I see the appeal in Barry/Snart as a ship, but I don’t ship them. Same for Harry/Cisco, though in that case, it’s because I don’t see their dynamic that way
💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?
Iris’s “you are not the Flash, Barry, we are” is a supportive line, not a dismissive one. It’s “let’s carry these burdens together”, not invalidating him! Really, it says the same thing as “there is no Flash without Iris West” and “without you, there wouldn’t be the Flash”…both of which Barry said, pre-s4 (and also, Barry says “we are the Flash” in a later scene 👀 the line everyone attributes to Iris is in fact first said verbatim by Barry)
💙: Which character is not as hot as everyone else seems to think?
…listen I’m very much biased because I’m not ace and don’t see people as “hot” 😂 in terms of “attractive” tho…maybe Oliver Queen? Idk, he just doesn’t do it for me.
💜: Which character is way hotter than everyone else seems to think?
Idk if anyone in the Arrowverse is underrated in terms of attractiveness tbh 😂 maybe Cisco? I’m not totally sure.
🤍: Which character is not as morally bad as everyone else seems to think?
I’m not sure if people still hate Harry for killing Turtle, but the people who do need to bffr.
First of all, Turtle was not a helpless victim, and I despise how the show, and the people who hate Harry for this, constantly ignored that when talking about how Harry killed a man. Turtle is a domestic abuser who killed his wife and gloated about it, and then gloated about doing the same to Patty.
Second of all, the context: Harry did it to figure out how to steal Barry’s speed, so he could give it to Zoom, who dangled Jesse in Harry’s face to remind him of the consequences of failure. He wasn’t killing in cold blood. He wasn’t even doing it because he wanted to. He even warned Team Flash that he’d choose his daughter over them!! And even Barry defended his decision to the Team, as he should, because any of them would do the same thing/similar things to protect their loved ones, AND THEY HAVE! And we don’t hate them for it because their motivations are understandable!
💖: What is your biggest unpopular opinion about the series?
Doesn’t seem to be much of an unpopular opinion on Tumblr lol but I don't like s3. I like some parts of it (and the Westallen moments in it are (mostly) to die for), but it’s such a mess. It even pisses me off because it could've been so good (and also because parts of this fandom will call it the "best season" unironically...and a subsection of them still call for the death of a certain leading lady)
Also Savitar was a boring villain until he was unmasked, and idk why so many people liked him before that
💀: If you had to choose one major character to die, who would you choose?
Oooh this is a hard one, because usually my inclination is to save characters they’ve killed 😅 I guess Nash? I mean, his biggest contributions were kicking off Crisis and housing the Wells. Crisis could’ve happened so many different ways, and for the latter…they could’ve just bought back Harry instead of having Nash be his very boring mouthpiece. I wouldn’t remove him from the show entirely unless Crisis happened a different way, but…post-Crisis, he’s entirely extraneous
unpopular opinions ask game!
#the flash#anti coldflash#anti harrisco#i don't hate them or anything#but just in case#anti nash wells#opinions ask game#i don't necessarily think nash had to DIE but like. did we need to deal with him for another half-season
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seeing the outside (aka outside of dreblr mostly) pushback against the ending is so like, interesting (not in a particularly good way or anything) because to me cdream from like almost the very beginning has been shunned by the greater parts of the fandom simply because he was painstakingly human, like if you really look at it, i feel like so many people look at cdream and go "oh this guy is a irredeemable monster" because he was aggressive when people upset him or broke his like three rules, or y'know started a nation and didn't let certain people into it, even though like most people would react similarly (although to less extremes) if some guy walked into their house, said "your kitchen is mine now and you and your family can't come in" and just didn't listen to them.
on the flip side of less silly metaphors and more serious topics, i feel like plenty of the outside fandom also hated cdream because of how he became an abuser due to trauma, which is something incredibly human, and could literally happen to anyone, like seriously. and i think a lot of people often think "oh well something like that would never happen to me because i have a brain and know that that's not correct!!" even though often times that's simply not how it works, and i really think a lot of the fandom thinks like that, and also thinks that if you become abusive or an asshole or something after being treated the same way it means you're a terrible person and it means you can never be redeemed now just because you fell victim to a cycle, even though again, that's really not how it works.
so really i think a lot of the pushback against the ending is simply because they don't like the idea that people who do bad things can be humans just as much as anyone else, which im sure made a lot of people, like think for once and they probably didn't like that very much.
like, its incredibly easy to put yourself in cdreams shoes if you really want to, because plenty of people have had similar things happen to them, someone lying about who you are as a person and everyone believing them over you, having your friend's leave you because of something like that, or even thought like him, aka wanting to go back to when things were simple and everyone was happy, and have those things push you into being an asshole and hurting the people around you and by extension yourself.
i really think the finale kinda made it impossible to ignore all of that, and i think again, that the fact that cdream is very visibly human in it, is what made so many people hate it because they simply don't want to realize that no matter how abhorrent or "evil" someone is, they are human, everyone is human, no matter if they've made mistakes or not.
"You're not a monster, just a human
And you made a few mistakes
You're not gruesome, just human
And you made a few mistakes." - it's alright (mother mother)
#dreblr#other people have probably said this better than i could#but i just wanted to get my thoughts out there#i really do think the reason so many people shy away from cdream is because hes so gruesomely human and that scares a lot of people#idk if i should tag this discourse or not#analysis#ig#also shout out to lost for making me remember this song#of course the other reason so many ppl hate the finale is simply because they lack reading comprehension but thats a topic for another day
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I read your other anon about what billy represents and people not getting it. The whole time I was watching s2 I was wondering wtf his deal was, he didn't make any sense to me but the way he was introduced led me to believe he was supposed to be more than just a random bully. So then the scene with the dad happened and I was just like OH. I didn't see it coming but in those two minutes EVERYTHING about him suddenly made sense. His situation was creepily similar to my own (in the past, I'm fine now), and suddenly I related to and understood him like no other character ever before and I was genuinely shocked when I saw so many people hating him (I only got into st this year in like April). Because yes, canonically he's an absolute asshole and I don't excuse his actions, but there's a world of difference between an excuse and an explanation???? What always gets me is when people are like "he deserved it (the abuse/posession/death)", and I can't help but project and think that yeah he probably would agree with that in some way or the other and it just hurts. Idk if it's possible to live in such a situation and not have serious self esteem issues but it's just.. How do people look at someone very obviously (to the viewer) being abused and not have an ounce of compassion? Or the critical thinking skills to realise his behaviour has got to be closely tied to his situation? I believe what people often don't get or even think about is what this kind of abuse does to your overall mental state, that it's a lot more than ""just" getting pushed around once in a while". And then I get mad that billy was robbed of everything he could have become had he just been given a second chance. Sorry for this essay, I just have a lot of thoughts and opinions on him
Yes 100%! Also Billy probably has ptsd which can be weird af to deal with. Personally I can't be around agitated or drunk adults, mostly men and when I'm around that I find myself running away before I even know it. You sort of go into survival mode subconsciously and can't get out of it until you're away from whatever set it off. Its not always a sort of episode black out moment like in movies, its a "Okay I need to get out of here" or a "Right how do I take control of this situation I'd normally be controlled in" which for Billy is definitely when he turns up at the Byers knowing if he doesn't get Max home he's in trouble.
I'm glad you're away from that now! And yes when I saw that scene it clicked and I have never understood or seen myself in a character more than Billy. Ever. I really don't understand the unreasonable hate for him. I get that he's very unlikeable and that's fine. But saying he deserved to be abused and killed is fucked up especially considering how many abuse victims see themselves in him and even use him to process shit.
^ this. Billy probably hates himself more than any anti does. Vecna used him against himself instead of anyone else who scared him. Billy has low self esteem so uses his looks to get what he wants and to get attention. That boy is lonely and has no one yet people say he's just a dick who deserved death? Doesn't sit right with me.
How many abuse victims started to continue the cycle of abuse before stopping and growing? Billy was 18. Barely an adult and died before he could change. That isn't "a villain getting what he deserves", that is a tragedy
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Thank you for your response to the "henry creel is nazi coded" post. Im jewish and that post made me so uncomfortable because I think you're right about the fact that Henry/Vecna's backstory is representative of people who suffered abuse/oppression. The fact he was imprisoned, abused, experimented on and treated as less than human for two decades does actually align more with the expereinces of holocaust survivors than with the agendas and actions of the nazi party. Its really tone deaf to think that he would sympathize with their views and goals as someone who literally suffered similar things that victims of their regime did. It makes a lot more sense that he wanted to empower and uplift people who are "different" like himself.
I'm sorry you had to see that post anon. I'm literally sorry we all had to see that post. I didn't want to think the OP meant harm by it but given they've been a total fucking asshole about criticism toward it, I'm really not feeling any shame in speaking out about it. Like, normally, I just cringe and ignore bad fandom takes - and, normally, I wouldn't feel comfy making a stink about someone's posts and opinions because, yeah; like I said I don't like to imagine people intend any harm right off the bat, but it's a little suss to sit there and acknowledge you're opening a very, very sensitive can of worms by saying something like that and then dismiss, mock and ridicule anyone who might present any criticism toward it, partic with evidence for why its almost certainly not an accurate read of canon.
I'm particularly annoyed about how the only response them and their friends chose to highlight and "discuss" is one from someone who was talking about their struggle with mental illness and abuse and their relation to Henry, purely to mock and dismiss that person. But they didn't once actually make any attempt to respond to my additions to the post. They mostly ignored/avoided them, actually. I think all I really got was the OP stomping their feet about me being a non-moot and putting my two cents worth in, as if it wasn't posted in the whole public tag for everyone to see and fully intended to grab the public's attention. Also the "ew why would you apologize for Henry Creel" like, bitch, I just explained why, lmao.
I could say a real lot about the way they've been kind of misusing the concept of the "cycle of abuse" to validate their feelings, in how the "cycle of abuse" is typically and appropriately used to refer to harmful behaviors and ideas that pop up within personal relationships, typically those between spouses, parents and children and siblings and doesn't actually apply that much to the relationships between minorities and oppressors or bigoted societies.
The cycle of abuse is used to describe things like when men grow up watching their father's abusing their mothers and then go on to act similarly toward their wives/girlfriends. Billy Hargrove is actually a perfect canon example of the "cycle of abuse" in motion. So, obviously, this is a bit removed from the oppressed lashing out at people who subscribe to, represent or enforce bigoted systems of power and the concepts of those systems as a whole.
Not to mention all the very not lowkey racism and belligerence that is now popping up toward Kali after these people became semi aware that yes, Kali and Henry stand for the same things: They are products of systematic oppression and are literally fighting for their rights to exist in a political and social environment that is geared against them and other people like them.
But man at the end of the day and the point is, like, its perfectly okay if you DON'T like a character or you're uncomfortable with them for any reason, particularly if they are in fact an antagonist like Henry is, as he's meant to inspire a sense of caution, even if he is understandable and sympathetic, but its different to go on a deranged smear campaign toward said character with INCREDIBLLY sensitive and harmful accusations, as charged and heavy as literally claiming they're a n*zi sympathizer. Fuck off.
Oh, and as a side note any psychologist, or anyone with half a brain really, can tell you that when it comes to victims of abuse who are perpetuating their abuse toward others, the worst and wrong approach is to condemn and demonize them. Shame, invalidation and silence are all massively contributing factors in why victims may abuse others or may continue to be abused themselves.
These are the kind of people who viciously condemn Billy Hargrove because he was a teenaged abuse victim in the 80s that said something with a vaguely racist undertone, and they feel strangely assured that canon intended to display him as a monster when the actual reality of canon is he was a victim struggling against what he was going through and his own behaviors as a result, but he ultimately died "heroically" (like, the reason Max takes comfort in Running up that hill is clearly because she relates it to Billy. I've even straight up seen his actor explain this stuff. ) And like, look if you're mad you think Billy was an unrepentant, inexcusable racist, ok but it becomes weird when you're also sitting here grown in 2022 platforming really suspicious aggression and demonization toward a woman of color who is suddenly being seen as the most 'terrifying character' and a 'monster' for doing what? Oh, she killed someone who abducted, abused and tortured her. She said capitalism sucks. She's a lefty. Very evil, incomprehensible stuff! *sarcasm* Literally, what the actual fuck, make it make sense at least.
#henry creel#vecna#001#kali prasad#billy hargrove#stranger things analysis#discourse cw#tbf i was like ok i kind of understand not getting it with henry bc his thing is kind of 'invisible'#and I assumed good faith with this fandom saying wild things about him because of that#but now the kali hate is jumping out again now theyre seeing henry and kali are related#and there is no fucking way theyre not understanding what kali represents when she is literally#explicitly a woman of color who was abducted tortured and dehumanized who#openly speaks against capitalism and the oppression of people who are mentally ill nd of colour etc#there is no WAY that is sailing over their heads theyre actively ducking it and being suss freaks about it
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[under a cut mostly for length]
[tw: sorry, not sure how to word this one, harsh derogatory terms for transgender people (?)]
Nightmares began the day hours too early.
I stupidly listened to their music. Not intentionally but it came up and I let it play.
And, continuing in my recent bad behavior, I read things I should not read.
There is a feeling to them that I do not like at all.
I have been fighting food issues all day. I want to eat too much. I want to order too much. And I know I would feel stupid and worthless for doing so, and probably very sick.
As children, they stole food. I cannot fault malnourished children for stealing food, but I do anyway. The parents did anyway.
I hate the feeling of them. It is the feeling of having worked for too long and too hard. It is the feeling of being unwashed. I want to eat and to shower and to cry and to sleep at once.
It is a feeling of need and of want. And of loneliness.
--
The loneliness from this feeling, and that I tried to describe last night, has another dimension to it. It is not just of being alone, but of having no one who can help. Of having no one who wants to help. Of having no one who cares.
This is the piece I have never understood until now. I can pick up the phone right now and I have maybe half-a-dozen people I could call and the first one to answer would immediately want to know how they could help. Even if they could not help, they would want to. They care.
My partner had an episode today (probably should have added it to the list above). They become unfeeling and spiteful. And now they are sleeping it off. They usually have a bad headache after. But enough time has passed, so I hope they are in a better space now.
If I went to my partner now, and just needed to be with them, they would want to be there for me.
Before fusion we had no one. We were alone and no one cared. This is the feeling I hate.
Perhaps in a morbid way, it is also the reason I stay with my partner. Yes, they abuse me, but I am not cold or hungry. And I am not always alone.
--
Somehow, they survived alone. They did not know any better, so they never expected any better. No one had cared, so they never expected anyone would care.
--
The story I wrote about Angela, when the memories started to crash in again, contained specific elements from the memories. There was a lipstick-lesbian couple at a nearby table in the bar, and they were so obviously in love. And there was the gay server who was disgusted with Angela and her group.
Angela was alone and nobody cared. She at least felt the illusion of belonging with the group of friends.
After the traumatic event at the party, Angela was in a strange city, doing something that was maybe legal but certainly not moral. A boy travelled from another state, dressed like a girl, and hung out with a group of similar degenerates.
“The sicko got what he was asking for. Now he is whining about it and crying he was a victim.”
No one could be expected to care. People were more likely to punish than to care.
--
This post sounds so terrible. I am probably the worst judge of what is awful, if it happened to us.
I am excited that I identified the feeling, though. I know where it came from, and I know why I do not like it, and I know why it is gone.
Please tell me that is an accomplishment?
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I don’t particularly want to weigh in on things surrounding D*pp/H*ard, I’ve basically only learned about anything to do with it against my will, and would prefer the situation remain that way, because, at this point, it’s more fodder for celebrity gossip than it is a genuine trial. And I really don’t care about celebrity gossip.
What I AM going to weigh in on, though, is how this seems to be open season on doing what always seems to happen at this point - because it’s been “he said, she said,” and right now, the scale have tipped away from “she said” and to “he said,” people are using this as an excuse to dismiss all other accusations of a similar nature. “Oh, that friend of his was accused like he was? Must be another liar!”
And... No. This really needs to stop. One instance is not evidence of a trend, and even if one person abused the court of public opinion to their advantage, lying about something they didn’t experience, that in no way means everyone who speaks up is.
Moreover, one of those common responses in these situations is “because that person lied, it’s going to make it harder for REAL victims.” And... How about, instead of letting the gossip rule the day, we have THAT conversation. About why we let one person’s abuse of a system meant to protect and support victims become the overwhelming story, so that we HAVE to put out these slogans of “believe victims!” Why is one bad faith effort allowed to overwhelm the countless numbers of victims who DO speak out in good faith, an effort we all acknowledge as being part of the problem, that victims don’t believe they’re going to get support if they speak out?
And, much as I don’t want to wade into the mess of this situation, there’s also the element of retribution - if an abuse victim retaliates against their abuser, and ends up doing psychological damage to their abuser as a result, the kind that does more damage to the abuser in the final analysis, how do we draw the line of who abused who in this scenario? And I ask that question rhetorically, because I do NOT want to answer that question definitively, mostly because I don’t think it can be.
I think that it’s human nature to try and turn a messy scenario and situation like this into a straightforward narrative, this person is the Good Guy, that person is the Bad Guy, and it’s all so obviously clear cut and straightforward. But that kind of thinking is really hard to sustain, because human beings in general are never just one thing. Good people do bad things to protect themselves. Bad people abuse good faith systems to paint themselves as the victims. In this situation in particular, I greatly doubt our chances of getting any kind of definitive, solid answer of who is and is not the abuser, the victim, or who started it - I think the evidence can be tilted in either direction, based heavily on how it’s skewed by the presenter.
I’d sooner look to this as a lesson in how we should address OUR behavior, as observers and outsiders to a situation, to learn what we can do to support victims, whoever the victim in a given situation may be, and to just try and focus on learning the signs to prevent these.
Because honestly? No one calling for the head of anyone in all of this is acting in the name of victims. They’re doing it because [X] did [thing] to [Y], and so they must pay! Not sure HOW they’ll pay, or what kind of payment would be satisfactory, but they must pay!
I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t feel like justice to me.
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Miraculous fic recomendations!!
This is just an excuse to show all my bookmarks? Yes. Yes, it is. I'm pretty sure most of this fics are really popular, but try see if you find something you didn't knew about!
All of the fics will be rated Teen and up audiences or lower. Also if I don't put the author's tumblr is because they didn't put it in the fic or/and I couldn't find it.
Pairing: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
knowing you by emsylcatac (they are not really the author of the fic but that's the account that says in the fic, the actual author doesn't have an account).
After dropping their transformations months ago, Marinette and Adrien see each other for the first time after being apart. They've both left too much unsaid and have to work to pick up the pieces of their confused hearts.
Chapters: 1/1
Post-reveal but mostly ladynoir, light angst with happy ending.
the last day on earth by Reiaji
The first time Marinette sees Chat Blanc, she's fourteen years old. The second time, fifteen—the third time, seventeen.
The closer she grows to Adrien, the harder it is to save him.
Chapters: 1/1
Post-reveal lovesquare, kinda heavy angst, hopeful ending.
tell me something i don't know by carpisuns (@carpisuns here on tumblr)
Do you think it still means something? To love someone, even if the universe said you had to?
The odds of having a soulmate are about negative one billion (or something like that). But somehow, like they always have, Marinette and Chat Noir find themselves together. They’re ready to finally tell each other everything, but it turns out that even soulmates have to keep secrets, and while their bond draws them together, duty forces them apart.
Chapters: currently 17/28 (WIPs can be exhausting but this one is 100% worth the wait!)
Mostly marichat but almost all of the lovesquare sides make an appearance, soulmates au, mostly fluff but it can get angsty if it wants to.
One Thing After Another by SKayLanphear
Marinette notices that, sometimes, Adrien acts a little out of the ordinary--like the time he stood in a cardboard box for no reason, or when he actually hissed at Nino. It's only when she starts to notice the similarities between Adrien and a certain feline that she begins to get suspicious.
Basically, Adrien acts like a cat when he probably shouldn't.
Chapters: 15/15
Mostly adrienette with one sided reveal by Marinette's side, miraculous side effects (by both sides wich is really cool!), it's fluff with a lil tiny angst for drama.
This would take some getting used to by Codango (@codango here on tumblr!)
Adrien peeked out from behind the chimney even as the magic of his own Chat Noir mask fell away.
She was still visible, her dark hair bobbing under the street lamps a couple blocks away.
“Marinette.”
Adrien blew out a confused breath. His fiery Ladybug… was the quiet little mouse who sat behind him in class?
“What. The.”
This… would take some getting used to.
Chapters: 8/8
Adrienette with one sided reveal by Adrien's part, awkward flirting, just fluff, nothing to worry about.
comfort food also by Reiaji!
In Marinette's house, cooking is a language of love, and Marinette loves Adrien more than most.
Chapters: 1/1
Adrienette with a little of ladynoir, super super fluff, a lot of insight into Marinette's chinese heritage.
The right side of his face by walkingonthestars (@hamsternamedmarinette here on tumblr!)
Marinette and Adrien are able to remain in their new seats in the back of the room at the end of Chameleon.
Chapters: 1/1
Adrienette, fluff with light angst.
it's a long way forward so trust in me by aloneintherain (@captainkirkk here on tumblr!)
“You’re not the only strong one around here, Chat,” Marinette said. She looked a little winded, but she wasn’t struggling to hold him up.
This close up, he could see the freckles on the bridge of her nose. He could see how that smug smile lit up her eyes. He could feel the strain of her arms—and wow, okay, he really wasn’t the only person around here with muscles.
Six times Marinette carried Adrien (plus one time he carried her).
Chapters: 1/1
All the sides of the lovesquare! Fluff with LOTS of mutual pining.
a fight that you were born to lose also by aloneintherain
When the prosecution starts throwing around the word victim in reference to Adrien, he has to stuff his hands under his thighs to keep himself from bolting out of the courtroom.
Adrien had felt unsafe during those last few weeks, but, until he had woken up and seen Father silhouetted in his bedroom doorway, that had only been paranoia. Father was controlling and cold, but he wasn’t hateful. Adrien was isolated. He was often hungry. And some weeks ago, when he had snuck out to visit Nino, sitting thigh-to-thigh on his bed while Adrien cried in that silent, crumbling way of his, he hadn’t argued when Nino put a hand on his shoulder and said, tentatively, That’s abuse.
But Adrien remembers being small and Father touching his hair after he’d aced another test; Father holding his scribbled drawings like they were something precious, and framing them around his office; Father, dressed as Hawkmoth, his eyes wild behind the mask, lashing his sword against Adrien’s baton; Father, collapsed against Mum, crying into her ashy hair.
Adrien finds out Gabriel is Hawkmoth, and Gabriel gets to bring his long-waited plan into action.
Chapters: 1/1
This one doesn't really focus in the ship that much as is an Adrien character study and an exploration of his relationship with his father, but they're still there so I put them here. Really heavy angst (this is one of this fics that haunt me in the middle of the night) with a happy ending. ❗TW: parental abuse, eating disorders❗
Supercut by LNC
Marinette loves her friends and Adrien can't deal.
Chapters: 1/1
Post-reveal lovesquare, again light angst, an exploration of Adrien's insecurities, Marinette Dupain-Cheng deserves the world, happy ending.
Madame Snare by jettiebettie
“Sounds like a lot of work for nothing. She should take this as a sign to have a relaxing weekend with no responsibilities.”
“It's a lot of work she put her whole heart into. It wouldn't be right for it to go to waste,” Adrien whispers to him. The look on Marinette's face is enough to cause Adrien's own heart to ache. If anyone deserves the satisfaction and pride from a job well done, it's her.
“Too bad there isn't anyone else who can walk in those death traps,” Plagg says. Adrien hums in thought, tapping his chin.
“I could.”
Chapters: 1/1
Marichat, episode-based, Chat Noir in a dress!!!, light angst but it's mostly just idiots being idiots and a lot of fun.
in the same sun by peachcitt (@peachcitt here on tumblr!)
"It’s hard to believe that I saw you last at the peak of summer, when the sun was close and warm - and so were you. It should go without saying that I miss you. I miss you something terrible."
//
"It’s been seven months to the day since I’ve seen you. I wish you were here more than anything else."
Two letters, signed with initials instead of names, found in Paris, France.
Chapters: 1/1
Ladynoir, just angst, that's it, written like letters. No ending, just pain.
an uncurtain discovery by Missnoodles (@ladyofthenoodle here on tumblr!)
When he returns from school on Wednesday afternoon, Adrien discovers the darkness in his own home. He struggles to come to terms with it. To his utter mortification and delight, Ladybug is nearby to rescue him.
(He does not discover that his father is supervillain. That will happen on a different Wednesday.)
Chapters: 1/1
Ladrien, it says it's crack, and don't get me wrong, is super funny, but I also found it sad as fuck?
An Open Secret by Kasienda
Adrien whirled around toward Marinette. She smiled at him.
He couldn’t smile back. He stared at her like the dumb blond model that he was often accused of being.
Something shifted in her expression. And her warm open Marinette smile transformed into Ladybug’s grin. He was looking at Ladybug right now.
He knew Ladybug’s name!
Her name was Marinette Dupain-Cheng.
And he couldn’t say anything! Not to Marinette! Not even to Plagg, who had confided two weeks prior that Master Fu was growing increasingly paranoid since the location of his home and hideout had been compromised. Their master had apparently decided that Chat Noir and Ladybug would have to give up their miraculouses if they ever discovered each other’s identities.
It wasn’t fair!
...
A fic where they both know, but can't openly talk about it.
Chapters: 4/4
Post-reveal... but is it? Mostly adrienette and ladynoir, fluff with light angst and them being absolute idiots at hiding their secret identity.
golden (like daylight) by okayanna (@anna-scribbles here on tumblr!)
Friendship, Adrien decided, shaking off the mental image of Marinette’s hurricane eyes and hesitant mouth, parted in a small, careful “o.” He had a very strong friendship with Marinette. That was all.
or
Adrien thinks a lot about words, love, and Marinette Dupain-Cheng.
Chapters: 1 + epilogue
Adrienette but has lots of ladynoir, another Adrien character study because I hate myself, it tries to not be angst but the writing will punch you in the guts and make you cry, it's so good.
Strangers in the Bright Lights by poodles (@ladybeug here on tumblr!)
Adrien is about two drinks in when he sees a girl at the end of the bar wearing black cat ears. It's kind of weird, so he watches her, and although it's crowded he can see her face when she turns around. She’s wearing a Chat Noir mask. He takes a quick look around- nobody else is wearing a mask. Just her.
Adrien finishes his gin martini and heads over to her. He could use some company tonight anyways, he hasn’t told anyone he’s back in Paris and Nathalie won’t arrive in town for another month. And it’s been a rough day, okay? A rough move! He’s not sure he wants to be back yet, and he spent most of the day in the Agreste mansion sorting through some photographs of his father he found in the study. Maybe he wants a drink and some stranger to tell him he’s pretty! That’s not a crime, is it?
Chapters: 1/1
Adrienette but it's also ladrien??? I think??? It's super super angsty but they're both drunk the entirety of the fic so it's also really funny.
Pick-Up and Chase by also SKayLanphear
After she accidentally trips into Adrien and apologizes about "falling for him," Marinette learns that he's no match for cheesy pick-up lines--whether they were unintended or not. And while she finds it flattering that he turns into a flustered mess with only a few words, Marinette comes to regret making him uncomfortable. That is, until she learns he's Chat Noir. At which point the phrase "just deserts" becomes a permanent fixture in her everyday plans.
A story in which Adrien is flustered, Marinette is smooth as glass at dropping lines, and Chat Noir gets the romance he was always asking for--even if he doesn't quite know how to handle it.
Chapters: 10/10
Adrienette with one sided reveal by Marinette's side, it doesn't say it in the tags but I'm pretty sure the characters are much older than they actually are in the show, so much fluff and so much flirting.
Pairing: Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe
Nino Has Done Nothing To Deserve This by GuardianKarenTerrier (@guardiankarenterrier here in tumblr)
It's nothing, really- just an innocent comment, a joke. But when they hear it, Nino and Alya come to a realisation.
There were, in retrospect, dozens upon dozens of hints. Now that they're suddenly aware of all their friend's flimsy excuses and rushed explanations, they're not only sure how they've missed it, they're not sure how anyone else has either. They realise that it had to be magic protecting their friends- and that same magic has ceased to work on the two of them.
Well, this means they'll just have to start watching over their friends themselves.
Chapters: 7/7
This is more a found family fic than anything else, Alya and Nino are the mom friend, has light angst but it's mostly identity shenanigans in the most bizarre way. ❗TW: eating disorders❗
christmas lights by demistories
Nino checks up and down the street, checking to make sure there’s no raging akuma headed his way before he crosses quickly and ducks inside the small café. He closes the door quickly before the icy air can blow inside and tugs his beanie down over his ears. He spots Alya sitting alone in the corner.
Chapters: 1/1
Just fluff!! Really short but really sweet.
hold on, i still want you also by Missnoodles!
Written for the @thedjwifizine ! Wich I also recommend if you wanna binge a lot of djwifi fics while also looking at amazing art!!!
Five times Alya ran into her ex, and the one time he stopped being her ex.
Chapters: 1/1
Light angst with a happy ending! I don't really like the ex-lovers to lovers trope but this one is the only exception.
I will continue to expand the list in the future! But by now I hope I was helpful in the search of new fics!
#miraculous ladybug#mlb#marinette dupain cheng#adrien agreste#chat noir#ladybug#lovesquare#lovesquare fic rec#miraculous ladybug fanfiction#miraculous ladybug fanfiction recomendation#miraculous fic rec#fic rec#djwifi#ninalya#djwifi fic rec#adrienette fic rec#marichat fic rec#ladynoir fic rec#ladrien fic rec#ml#fanfiction
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After snoozing, I wanted to take a minute to be astonished at the amount of followers I have now
But also to talk about the downside to this brightside.
Because with the people who have followed me, it makes me hope that they are people who have seen at least some of my posts and liked what they see. I mostly post for myself, but also for the groups of people my posts focus on.
I post positivity and awareness for mspec lesbians, mspec gays, and their supporters. I post critiques and thinkpieces regarding the ways trans men are treated in society and the community. I post funny stories and jokes about being a furry for my fellow furry followers. Every post I make, I hope to either enlighten someone on an issue, or bring them some sense of been seen, heard, and/or cared for.
This blog, and I, the person who runs it, is full of good intentions. Anyone who looks at this blog for more than 30-60 seconds will see that.
And so that is why it's actively malicious to take a person like myself - and MANY of the other people on that list, who post about similar things - and put them on this "transandrophobia truther blocklist"
It takes everything I have ever done, everything unrelated to speaking out against transandrophobia, and erases it. Just to push some agenda to isolate and leave transmascs and trens men open to more harassment, smear campaigns, and general abuse.
It takes away my trans positivity posts, my queer positivity, my psa/awareness on exclusionist fuckery posts, and more. It reduces me and everyone else on that list to a fraction of who we fully are, all for the sake of a sick and twisted argumemt. It takes the opportunity away from us to clear our names, as well, because not only were most if not all of us blocked by OP, but we've been given a stigma to our names. People have been given a contorted, falsified reason to doubt us.
The fact it is only "TMEs" who are being put on this list, as well, despite there being numerous "TMAs" out there who support, use, and talk about transandrophobia, also goes to show you that this is a deliberate attack on transmascs and trans men. This isn't just transandrophobia anymore - this is transphobia, full stop.
Even if you don't BELIEVE in or support transandrophobia, at least think about for a second how fucked up it is that so many transmasc, non-binary, and trans men are being targeted specifically. If trans men and transmascs "only" experience transphobia, then you should be able to see that this IS a moment of transphobia. It's a directed attack, and a messy one at that.
I've seen at least two "edits/updates" made to that blocklist, with OP saying that shey mistakingly added some people who "no longer associate with these circles". This just shows that this person put little to no actual research into this blocklist. Chances are that shey just stalked through the transandrophobia tag, blogs, AND notes, and just slapped people's names on the list without a second thought.
Shey has also gotten an anon that not only brought into questioning the identity of a trans woman blogger, but also insinuated that she is secretly and ACTUALLY just a sock puppet of another transmasc blogger. The anon's proof? "They talk to each other a lot and type similarly"
This whole situation is just blatant transphobia, specifically transandrophobia, but also with some hints of transmisogyny too! This blocklist wasn't made to help or protect anyone. This blocklist was made to hurt, isolate, and hinder people.
Listen to us. Listen to transmascs and trans men. ACTUALLY listen to us, even if you feel our words and lived experiences go against your own beliefs or expectations. Stop blindly following blocklists and call out posts like this, because all it does is enable abusers, and silence the victims.
Do your own research. Think for yourself. Do not be guilted or pressured into blind obedience.
And to anyone seeing this who is new and has started to accept transandrophobia as a term and an experience: thank you. Thank you for believing in us. Thank you for allowing us a word to have this. Thank you for listening to us. Just...thank you.
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Az, Gwyn, and power
Something I’ve seen going around a lot lately, in the past couple of months, is that if Azriel and Gwyn were to enter into a relationship, it would be unequal or imbalanced, basically that Azriel has more power than Gwyn and so it would make for a potentially... bad (? definition tbd) relationship.
I’ve already explained why the theory about Elain not knowing how the bond works makes her look like either stupid, or ignorant, or supremely passive. I’m assuming that is not the intention of the stans.
Now lemme explain why this interpretation, of a gwynriel relationship being inherently imbalanced and problematic for being so, would make Azriel look like an asshole.
I keep seeing people saying “because this person has power and this person doesn’t, this thing is bad”. No. That’s not how it works. Power is much more complex and nuanced than that, and it depends on how the individual decides to wield it. There are multiple ways that someone can gain, retain, and use power. Some have more access than others, for different reasons. However, it is not inevitable that those with more power will exploit those with less.
In the post about power I mentioned Rhys, and he is a great example of why having power isn’t necessarily a bad thing for everyone around him. The only thing that keeps Rhys from literally every sort of privilege is that he is half Illyrian. Other than that, he has everything going for him. However, he rarely, if ever, takes advantage of his power to the detriment of others. We could probably argue about why this is or isn’t true and to what extent, but the point is that we have other examples of similar fae - Beron - who wield the same types of power and do not gaf about anyone else. Rhys intentionally allows the IC to have a voice in what happens in the NC, he listens to them, he takes their advice, and sometimes he does a shitty job but he tries to avoid ruling with an iron fist.
Back to gwynriel.
So the idea that Gwyn and Azriel cannot be equals in a relationship initially came from the idea that Gwyn is, somehow, at 28 years old, mentally and emotionally a child. We know that this is NOT true. It has been confirmed by the writer, who did hear explanation of the different rates at which fae age. So her denial that Gwyn is a child was not out of context. She knew what people were thinking.
However, there are still issues that people bring up regarding Gwyn being a priestess and Azriel being the spymaster. But let’s be clear about who Gwyn and Azriel are:
Gwyn is a priestesses. She is not a nun. She spends her time learning and aiding others in that pursuit.
She protected children when her temple was under attack.
Gwyn is Carynthian. One of the only two women in history to earn that distinction. That accomplishment took intelligence, cunning, cooperation, and strength.
Gwyn is mostly High Fae.
Gwyn is a SA survivor.
Azriel rescued her.
Azriel is a spymaster.
Azriel is also Carynthian.
He is part Illyrian.
Azriel’s role in the library is not “supervisor”. He is not their camp counselor. He is not their authority figure. He brings women to the library who have been victimized, and then he leaves.
The two people who are actually in charge of the library and its citizens safety are Morrigan and Rhysand.
Combining all those facts with Gwyn’s age, Gwyn is not Azriel’s inferior in any way. No matter which way you look at it, there is nothing about Azriel that inherently puts him in a position to abuse his power.
She is also not his inferior in terms of maturity (while I can see that being an argument, it would need to be equally applied to nessian, feysand, elucien, e*riel, etc.... and it’s not. Unless an sjm anti is reading this, then yeah, I can see them making that argument.)
So let’s just say, for the sake of argument, that Azriel does hold a position of authority over Gwyn. He doesn’t, but let’s just pretend that these arguments are actually valid. If - if - Gwyn and Azriel were problematic as a relationship because of some power imbalance, then it stands to reason that that ship is problematic because Azriel is the type of person to exploit that imbalance.
Is that what y’all were going for when you try to say that gwynriel makes you feel uncomfortable??? Doubt it.
One last point about my list above - if y’all think that the fact that Azriel rescued Gwyn means that he can only see her that way, that he can only see her as an SA survivor and can never see beyond that, fails to recognize her growth and strength, even though he helped her to complete the Blood Rite Qualifier... again, that doesn’t say great things about Azriel (and maybe doesn’t say great things about people who would make that argument, since people are not defined by their trauma!)
I have seen (maybe? maybe I imagined this) a comparison between Azriel and Gwyn that he’s like... a teacher, and she’s the student, to explain why they are not an appropriate ship. The big problem with a teacher/student relationship is that the student in the scenario feels like they cannot say no. Your teacher is an authority, they are more mature, more knowledgeable, they have influence over whether you pass a class and get a good grade, they can tell your parents if you have been behaved or completing your work, etc. There are a lot of ways that a teacher can punish a student for not doing what they want. This is why those relationships are always frowned upon - it’s big dubcon territory, if not straight up noncon.
However, again, Gwyn is participating in the Valkyrie training voluntarily. She lives at the library voluntarily. She is a priestess voluntarily. There is nothing that Azriel can do to Gwyn that would force her to comply with what he wants. Gwyn can tell Azriel to fuck off, to go choke, to eat dust, to go jerk off, and... nothing would happen. He would probably stop hanging around as much, but that’s... it. He has no actual power over her in the sense of being an authority figure or being in control of her life in any way.
Something that I almost put in that original post but didn’t because it was besides the point at the time, was that there are always power differences. People will always have differing levels of access to privilege and power. That does NOT mean that people can and must only ever be in relationships with people of similar levels or power/privilege. In that post I mentioned how feylin didn’t work out because Tamlin had so much access and Feyre had none - to compound this problem, he allowed her access to none. He did nothing to try to even the playing field, to educate or empower her. That’s what made it a problem.
So do y’all think that Azriel would be like Beron? Someone willing to take the privilege he has and wield it over someone else like a cudgel? Or is he more like Rhys? Aware of his position and working to support - not manipulate - others? Because even if we were to accept the premise that there is a problematic power imbalance between Azriel and Gwyn, the only reason we should be uncomfortable with that is if we think that Azriel is the type of person who would exploit that imbalance.
#azriel#gwyneth berdara#gwynriel#acosf#acotar#acotar meta#power#i hope this made sense#i still feel like i'm getting my thoughts about it in order#jfc this got longer than I intended
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So you mentioned in another post that you have some strong thoughts on Baghra, especially about how the story frames her as one of the good guys. I would love to hear about it.
@youremotionallystablefriend: I would love to hear you rant about Baghra if you feel like it (and haven’t already)! Personally I don’t think she gets enough constructive critique in the fandom for being the one that brought Aleks up and for the way she treated her pupils and especially Alina :/
Anon: Hello! I love your thoughts on the grisha books. I'm actually interested to hear your take on Baghra
@misku-nimfa: If you are up for it, I would love to read your thoughts on Baghra or your full critique of society in the Grishaverse. Your analysis is really well structured and interesting! ^.^
Anon: Hi! I saw your recent post and was wondering if you'd share more of your thoughts on Baghra?
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Hello everyone! I was honestly very surprised to see so many people interested in my thoughts on Baghra? I'll share what I can, but please know that this is by no means a full breakdown of her character! It’s just some Thoughts I’ve had, and they’re mostly centered around show Baghra because that’s how I was first introduced to her character. Although IMO book Baghra might actually be even worse.
I’d like to preface this by saying that many of my issues with the treatment of Baghra as a character in fandom come from the wild double standard there seems to be regarding her and the Darkling. Darkling Antis and a vast majority of the people in this fandom who don’t like his character have a disturbing habit of absolutely ripping into the Darkling for all of his faults and then turning around and treating Baghra as some sort of pristine mother figure for the exact same shit.
They’ll talk about how badass she is, how strong she is, how they sympathize with her past (although they’ll continue to dehumanize the Darkling and refuse to sympathize with his own past) and sympathize with the fact that she has to deal with the Darkling (who’s always referred to as a monster she must corral or control, as if he is inhumane and beastly. These particular comments always take on the very distinct tone of victim blaming as well). They’ll laud her for all of these “powerful girlboss” moments as if they aren’t carbon copies of the Darkling’s own behavior - as if they aren’t things Baghra herself taught him. Which is why this is the wildest double standard of all to me, because every horrible action they praise Baghra for is something she taught the Darkling, and something they cannot stand to see in him as well.
It’s as if there’s a disconnect between their consumption of the literature when it comes to the two characters, and I’m of the opinion that it’s largely because Baghra is a woman and a mother and therefore infantilized in the fandom quite a bit. In fact, Bardugo herself often infantilizes many of her female characters in her writing. This is mostly through the process of excusing their terrible deeds, not allowing them to do anything remotely dark, or brushing any morally grey actions under the rug without ever touching upon them. Which puts me in the strange position of knowing I’m supposed to sympathize with Baghra for having to deal with the monster she’s created, and instead feeling resentful of the fact that this bitter woman is held up as this wise old strict teacher instead of the abusive mentor/mother she should have been.
Now, here’s what I said to make so many of you send me asks:
Last note, in reference to your first line, and also probably a pretty unpopular opinion. I do not like Baghra. And it legit has nothing to do with the Darkling or with Alina, I just don't like her "I'm going to hit you and berate you and emotionally abuse you and manipulate you and act like the good guy at the end of it" vibe she's got going on. At least Aleksander is acknowledged as the villain within the narrative. Idk wtf Baghra is on but it's absolutely wild to me that people aren't more critical of her actions. Which is, rather fortunately for you, another rant I will save for another post if anybody ever wants to hear it lol. (but like kudos to Baghra's actress. I loved the character as a character, I just don't like the way she's framed as a good guy. Weird. Uncomfortable. She literally set bees on the kids she was teaching).
This basically summarizes most of my thoughts on Baghra as a character and how she’s portrayed. I touched on it a bit above, but the way she’s able to get away with so much and not suffer under heavier critique is honestly baffling to me. There should be a lot more criticism of her out there in the fandom. This is the woman who abused her students and neglected her son. Although to be honest I don’t even know how to quite describe the emotionally neglectful yet unhealthily codependent bond she fostered in him from a young age. IMO, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander is creepy, and I know she has a history that makes it more understandable, but it’s still incredibly disconcerting to witness.
But let’s get back on track! First of all, her students. Whom she physically, emotionally, and mentally abuses. She’s derisive, she’s insulting, she’s belittling. She works hard to strip them of any self confidence they may have. She uses pain as a means of triggering powers. And the strict teacher excuse doesn’t fly. The “it’s only a training method!” excuse is even worse. This is literal abuse she’s heaping on her students and it’s wretched.
The first thing she does to Alina when they first meet is insult her. Then she hits her. Then she kicks her out.
Second time they interact is a montage. Baghra hits Alina multiple times. She shames her. And then when Alina actually calls a light she tells her it’s not nearly enough, effectively wiping the smile off of her face and every sign of self confidence that had been building. Then we see the door to Baghra’s hut shut in Alina’s face. So now she has been bruised, battered, berated, stripped of all self confidence, and then banished again. As training methods go, this is not only entirely ineffective, but it’s also just abusive.
Then we get this interaction between Alina and her friends:
Marie: One time, Baghra released a hive of bees on me.
Nadia: Worst part is, it worked.
Marie: It really did. I could summon at will after that.
Which is fucking horrifying and not talked about nearly enough. That goes beyond hitting your students. Baghra used a fear tactic on a young girl to activate her powers. She literally tortured Marie to make her powers work.
Alina throughout this conversation is looking very disheartened. She’s lacking in any self confidence and the comment about the bees has clearly affected her. For someone who’s first words to Alina were “Everyone believes that you are the one. Come back when you believe it too,” Baghra doesn’t exactly seem keen on Alina actually believing she’s the one. If she did, she wouldn’t be stripping her of every positive emotion associated with sun summoning.
Let’s not forget that Baghra demeans Alina multiple times for her status as an orphan. How she utilizes what she knows of Alina’s emotional weaknesses to provoke her and discourage her and make her angry.
And then Baghra drugs her without consent. To take advantage of any information Alina gives her in that state. To use the way Alina reacts for her own ends.
Because why else would she say this?:
Alina: We planned to run away together.
Baghra: You had plans. Perhaps he never did, because where is he now?
Which is, strangely enough, the same sense of isolation and separation from Mal and her past that Aleksander is attempting to foster. Weird how mother and son are both using the same manipulation tactics.
In fact, why does Baghra never tell Alina about the letters until she’s already engaged with Aleksander? Baghra must have known he was taking them. Alina talks about it enough. Baghra must have known he was isolating her from Mal. How could she not, when it’s revealed later that she has spies in the Little Palace collecting information on him? How could she not, when she knows he’s the villain from the beginning - when she knows he’s manipulating Alina?
Baghra knows, and yet she keeps the same lies Aleksander does and furthermore uses that information to make Alina feel even more isolated and weak. Baghra literally just piggy-backs on Aleksander’s manipulation and then exacerbates it. She wants Alina to feel no attachments to her past because she wants to use Alina as well. But for some reason, because this manipulation and treatment of Alina as some sort of tool is done by the woman who opposes the Darkling, it’s suddenly okay. As if it still isn’t the same terrible shit but with a different perpetrator. I mean damn, at least Aleksander feels something for Alina. Baghra’s just cold.
So, point by point. Baghra mentions how Mal doesn’t care for Alina, she mentions Alina’s failings constantly, she mentions Alina being an orphan, she constantly hits her, she guilts Alina about orphans dying, she works to instill a sense of isolation from her friends and her family.
And when Alina finally comes to Baghra, having decided to abandon her attachments to her past and her attachments to Mal, the words that ring in her head are Baghra's words - “needing anyone else is weak.” Which is honestly just a horrible sentiment in general, but an even worse one when considering how hard these people are working to detach Alina from anybody who can help her or give her an outside perspective.
Strangely, it’s also similar to this line:
The problem with wanting, is that it makes us weak.
...which is spoken by Baghra’s son. You know, the Darkling? Our big bad villain? The one Baghra raised?
Which gives me the impression that Baghra’s teaching methods with her students are really not that far off from the teaching methods she used on him as he was growing up. It’s a horrifying thought, and leads into my problems with her relationship with Aleksander.
First of all, show wise. What the fuck.
Aleksander: They’re punishing us for being Grisha.
Baghra: Punishing you. You made him afraid. Now he wants you to fear him.
Aleksander: I won a war for him.
Baghra: And in doing so, started a war on us.
I get that she’s trying to convey how the king feels here, but it still feels incredibly victim blamey from a narrative standpoint. It isn’t Aleksander’s fault the king fears him when he used his powers under the King’s banner to help him win a war. Aleksander trusted this man who betrayed him and then betrayed his people, and we get a line from his mother, entirely unsympathetic, talking about how it’s his fault all of these people are dying.
Baghra: Where’s the girl, your healer?
Aleksander: Dead. She died because of me.
Baghra: She died because they always do. They’re not as strong as you and me.
Baghra’s use of the term ‘girl’ and ‘healer' here instead of Luda is pretty telling. She either doesn’t like Luda or doesn’t care for her. Either way, this is the woman her son loves, and Baghra talks about her so dispassionately. Then he comments on Luda’s death and there’s no reaction except to say that they always do.
Like, her son is literally broken up over here. Grieving. Desperate. Run ragged. Caged and hunted. Feeling guilty as hell. Mind running through a million different ways he could possibly save all of these people. And Baghra offers him nothing except a paltry “people die, get over it, we’re better than that, she didn’t matter anyway.”
Honestly, how is Aleksander even still functioning at this point? He has no support system and he’s working against a king and his army to protect a group of civilians he could easily abandon to save himself. The sheer amount of responsibility and mental strain keeping track of a group alone entails is already monstrous, but adding in every other factor? The recent death of Luda, the fact that they’re cornered and they’ve been hunted down while fleeing across the land, the fact that he was just a couple hours ago forced to his knees and entirely at these men’s mercy, begging for Luda’s life. And here his mother is, if anything a negative support system. Offering no other ideas, telling him to give up hope, not even offering the barest smidgeon of emotional support as he grieves, putting everything on his shoulders.
It pisses me the fuck off.
Aleksander: You’re the one who taught me how to kill, mother. Their blood is on your hands as much as mine.
Baghra: I taught you so you could protect yourself. Not them.
Once more, Baghra highlights how he needs to protect himself. How he should abandon the people he’s protecting. How he shouldn't help others and only ever himself. Once more, she says it’s my way or the high way. There’s zero effort to work with him. Zero effort to sympathize or compromise. She’s constantly pushing him to take the one option she knows he won’t take. The hell did she think was going to happen?
Also, Baghra taught him how to kill. Not necessarily great parenting, but understandable given the circumstances of his upbringing. But the level to which she takes it is honestly concerning. Like, look no further than this woman to see where Aleksander got it from lol.
Baghra also forbids him from using Merzost. Which is great and all, she gets to claim the moral high ground. But she doesn’t offer a single alternative except to flee and let everybody die. There was legitimately no other option to Merzost except for torture and death. If there was, Baghra sure as hell didn’t help Aleksander come up with one. Aleksander, who - by the way - is in no fit emotional state to be making any kind of decision right now.
So anyways, that’s just my tv show grief regarding Baghra, and it’s not even really all of it. I don’t want to make this an hour long read though lmao. But I’ll go over a few other things.
First of all, Baghra’s whole “We’re the only two that matter. We have to do whatever we can to protect ourselves,” mentality is one that she actively touts to Aleksander on a regular basis when he’s incredibly young. It’s honestly a wonder he grows up to care about other people at all. But the mentality itself is something Aleksander still heavily internalized in regards to protecting himself and those he deems worthy at any cost.
There’s a moment in the books when Aleksander is attacked and nearly drowned by some kids who wanted his bones (one of which was a close friend of his). He uses the cut in self defense and then blames the nearby Otkazat’sya village. Baghra knows he’s lying, and yet she allows an entire village to get slaughtered for harming him. This is a disproportionately violent act that Baghra approves of, and Aleksander as a kid is definitely internalizing that mindset.
Also, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander has always been weirdly possessive and controlling. Especially when it comes to the people he loves. Her actions often come across as her trying to isolate him in order to keep him by her side, even when the relationships he has are clearly intimate. Which... is especially strange for a mother to be doing to her son.
She was also an extremely emotionally neglectful mother. Based on the show and what I gathered from her actions there, I’m actually half convinced she was physically abusive as well, in that “I think I’m being a stern, good parent figure when in reality I’m actually harming my child” kind of way. She fosters codependence with her son and then refuses to provide for any of his emotional needs. She drives it into his head that everybody dies, that he’ll always be alone, that love is useless and power is everything. She denies him the opportunity to be soft and works to harden him at a young age. She tells him he must never allow people to touch him, except she doesn’t work to supplement those physical needs in any way. She essentially abuses him.
Honestly, I could go on. But in reality the simple fact is that I just don’t like her. I think she’s a hypocrite. I think she’s abusive. I think she’s a terrible mentor and an even worse mother. And I think the fandom and the books are willing to brush aside so many of her faults simply because she opposes the Darkling.
I’m sorry if this isn’t what you guys were looking for! It sounds like a lot of you wanted a more of a sophisticated breakdown, but my thoughts on Baghra come with a heap of emotional baggage lol. It feels weird to say this now, but I actually do like the character as a character, I just,,, don’t like her in every other aspect. My feelings on Baghra are just a bit personal, to be honest. But hopefully this was at least comprehensible??
#shadow and bone#sab#grishaverse#anti leigh bardugo#anti baghra#baghra critical#sab spoilers#demon in the wood spoilers#aleksander morozova#sab meta#the darkling#fandomcourse#myramblings#leigh bardugo critical#mymetas#anti darklina bs#please dont hate me for this#aaahhhh now im worried#Yikes
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The Blight twins, codependency and fatal communication failure
Recently I talked about “the Blight children and toxic behaviors”, specifically about the tough love fallacy and how their parents get them to target each other rather than backing each other up.
In that post I mentioned wanting to make one specifically on the relationship of the Blight twins, and, well, here we are.
When we think of The Owl House and unhealthy/toxic platonic relationships, we think of the one Amity has with the twins in the earlier episodes, or Eda and Lilith, or the one the Blight kids have with their parents. I’m pretty sure very few people would look at these words and think of Edric and Emira… but it’s true nonetheless. The twins are raised in a very toxic environment that teaches them a lot of unhealthy mechanisms. The heavily codependent relationship the two siblings share is incredibly unhealthy for both of them.
Let’s get into why.
More under cut because hell this got long.
Who am I without you?
The Blight Twins always show up as a unit. They’re a set of two, who share the same track and are involved in the same shenanigans.
We never see them separate from each other in the show. Not a single time.
Their mother picks their matching outfits, according to Dana, because she likes her kids to be “color-coordinated.” They’re supposed to always look similar.
To Amity, they’re a united front—we don’t get to see her relationship to them separate from each other, we only get her relationship with “the twins.”
As far as I’m aware we’ve never gotten art from Dana featuring just one of them. They’re also often treated as a pair by the fandom (outside of their respective ships, that is), showing up together and showcasing very similar behaviors in fics, showing up together in fanart, etc.
We don’t have much content of just one of them with Amity (or anyone else that’s not their romantic partner).
You also don’t generally see them disagreeing a lot in fan content, which is interesting. Despite being two separate characters, they don’t get to actually be separate from each other a ton.
The main difference you see in their portrayal is in Emira being treated as the more responsible older sister, while Edric gets treated as more goofy (and a bit of an idiot), both in the show and fanon content. But that’s essentially it.
The twins are the twins. There’s no “just Edric” or “just Emira”. They don’t seem to exist without each other.
Their united front is both their greatest strength and their weakest link. They likely experienced a similar abuse as the one Amity went through, but they always had each other to lean on instead of enduring it alone. And while it definitely helps them a ton that they have each other, it also results in an unhealthy amount of codependency. Edric and Emira ONLY ever had each other. Their relationship with Amity is pretty bad and outside of that almost nonexistent up until Lost In Language, mostly used to hurt each other. Edric is always with Emira and Emira is always with Edric and there is no one else they can fall back on. Their most important relationship, the one with each other, is simultaneously the only one they have, one that they desperately clung to for a very long time. They don’t have any friends that we’re aware of.
Both Emira’s and Edric’s worst fear is born out of this. Despite being completely opposite fears, they stem from the same basic issue. In Enchanting Grom Fright, when they talk about their worst fears, Edric says “Being alone forever.” while Emira says “Being stuck with you forever.”
There is so much characterization in those two little sentences.
Edric has a fear of being alone because he’s always around Emira. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be alone, and he doesn’t want to find out. He doesn’t know who he is without Emira. This is somewhat subtle in the show, but she’s shown to be the more responsible of the two, preventing her brother from eating snow and being bitten by a bat. Edric looks to Emira for guidance, and his fear of being alone might stem from him not thinking himself capable of taking care of himself. Emira is smart and knows what she’s doing, and so Edric always runs after her. Even just entertaining the thought of being without her, without anyone to guide him, scares him so much that he proclaims it his worst fear. He likely leans on Emira a ton.
His desire to to lean on other people because he thinks himself incapable of handling issues himself comes with the possibility of him opening up easier, to the extent of oversharing, doing it so much that it becomes overbearing for Emira. But even if he can open up about some of the fears he has related to not meeting their parents expectations, he can’t really communicate the issues he has that involve Emira, because open communication about their issues is something they generally struggle with (see the point about lack of communication further below). Edric is under the impression that he needs someone else because he’s never been without Emira and doesn’t know what it’s like to exist without her. And as long as he has someone to lean on, he never has to find out if he’s truly as incapable as he thinks himself to be. His refusal to let go of her fuels his fear further—the tighter he holds on, the scarier the thought of letting go becomes.
Emira doesn’t know who she is without Edric either, and that’s exactly the reason she wants to break out of that dynamic so desperately. She doesn’t want to be nothing but someone’s twin for the rest of her life. She wants to just be herself, not have all her interests linked to her brother, for people to stop mentioning her only in the same sentence as Edric. She’s had enough of the matching. What Emira really wants is independence—from her brother, and, to a larger extent, her parents and their control.
Edric leaning on her as much as he does makes Emira feel responsible for him, and she struggles to let go of that because she doesn’t want to hurt him—but the tighter he holds on because he believes he needs her, the more overwhelmed Emira feels by her brother and the responsibility she holds for both of them.
Emira loves Edric, but she’s his sister, and can’t provide him with emotional support 24/7. Spending all day handling someone else’s issues can be pretty draining, especially when you struggle to share the ones you yourself have.
With Emira’s longing for independence comes a refusal to lean on anyone, especially on Edric, because she can’t at the same time let herself be vulnerable and need his support while also wanting to break out of their current dynamic. So Emira doesn’t talk about her issues, she doesn’t cry, she doesn’t lean on anyone. Emira is independent and strong and she doesn’t need anyone, especially not Edric.
It likely started out as them leaning on each other, but where Edric started to become too dependent on Emira always being there, Emira started growing increasingly overwhelmed and pulling back, catching them in a vicious circle of him trying to hold on tighter in order not to lose her, which causes her to draw back further.
To be clear:
a) Emira is not a terrible person for wanting to be away from Edric. What she said hurt him and came across as callous, but what he said harmed her too, even if the “why” that I just explained isn’t as blatantly obvious in the show. Edric isn’t a terrible person for relying on Emira so much, either. Neither of them are inherently malicious in any way, even if they do hurt each other. That they have to deal with these issues in the first place is rooted in the abuse they experienced, specifically in their parents treating them as a two-part set rather than two separate people their whole life.
b) I think it should be clear now why Edric’s behavior is toxic, but I want to address that Emira’s behavior is also an issue. While her desire for independence in itself is normal and healthy, she’s striving for a toxic kind of independence where she doesn’t need anyone anymore, which wouldn’t be good for her either.
Everyone needs to rely on other people sometimes, and if she doesn’t allow herself to, it’s going to cause some serious damaged in the long run. The most reliable relationship she had, the only support system she has, falls victim to her desire to be away from Edric… and only after she is she’s going to realize just how much she needed him, needed anyone to be there, too.
I think it’s very interesting that Edric’s and Emira’s issues are essentially inverted—they have the same root, but their problems are the exact opposite.
Edric is Emira’s mirror image.
This is also shown visually. With the matching clothes and identical dominant features (eye and hair color), they look extremely similar. Their beauty marks are what makes them into a mirror image rather than just looking identical, because they’re on opposite sides of their face. Emira’s is on her right cheek, Edric’s on his left. If they face each other, the marks mirror each other perfectly.
They had the same thing in the concept art I’ve seen of them too, but it was with identical earrings on opposite sides rather than beauty marks.
Caged Freedom
I couldn’t find a way to somehow smoothly fit this into the overlaying topic, but it’s an important part of the reason for their communication issues I go into below, and also just something that I wanted to go into, so take it or leave it.
The twins appear extremely confident, seem like they always get what they want (Amity even resents them for “getting away with everything”), but they really, really doesn’t. Sneaking out of school is the only way they can have the slightest bit of normalcy and freedom and control over their life, and Edric and Emira cannot be caught or it will come back to bite them—the reason they wanted to punish Amity in the first place is that she told on them for skipping, getting them in trouble.
Even within their “rebellion” against their parents, there’s a set system Emira and Edric have to operate within—matching clothes, perfect scores, not doing anything that could get back to their parents or harm the family reputation. Despite skipping school, they both maintain excellent grades. It’s said in Adventures in the Elements, Amity is even trying to beat their best score on an exam.
It’s a careful, calculated kind of resistance, not one that includes them openly opposing their parents. They do things their parents wouldn’t like, they tread lines, but they’re being smart about it, in hopes it will never get back to their parents. Even their limited freedom is caged in that way.
Despite seeming as confident as they do, they’re too scared to talk back to their parents. They cause exactly the kind of trouble that they know is possible to get away with without putting themselves in harm’s way. Going further, openly calling their parents out for how they’re being treated, would be dangerous, and so they don’t. They operate within the system and follow it as much as they have to in order to be able to push the boundaries even slightly.
Their endless confidence, their apparent fearlessness, is just another illusion of theirs.
They wouldn’t need to get back at Amity for telling on them if their behavior was just a huge “fuck you” to their parents. But they do, because their parents aren’t supposed to know. They’re scared, even if they’d never admit that.
Emira and Edric target Amity as a way to cope with the treatment they receive from their parents, which they to an extent blame on Amity (I’ve gone over this more in-depth in the toxic behaviors post I linked above).
Hurting Amity in hopes she won’t tell on them again seems safe in a way that actively calling out their parents behavior could never be.
Lack of Communication
Edric and Emira both have trouble communicating their feelings in a healthy way, and instead of open communication and talking things through they revert to backhand comments and punishment.
They grown up believing that severe punishments are necessary, “tough love” used to help someone improve as shown (and literally quoted) in Lost In Language in regards to Amity. That’s also something I go into my other Blight sibs post.
Regarding the backhand comments, let’s look at their worst fears in Enchanting Grom Fright again. As explained above, Emira’s “being stuck with you forever”-fear is a shitty attempt at trying to get across that she’s unhappy with never getting to be apart from Edric to just be herself. Edric’s “being alone forever” brings up a huge fear of his, especially of being abandoned by Em, which, regarding her worst fear, is justified.
Both of these fears are extremely understandable, and they don’t necessarily have to be at odds with each other—Emira just wants to not feel overwhelmed by Edric, and figure out who she is, and she doesn’t have to completely abandon him to achieve that, even if it’s something she might think she wants now. Edric has to find a way to be able to rely on himself more because Emira can’t always be around him, but he can still maintain a close, positive relationship with her, and would absolutely be able to make other friends that could support him.
What them voicing these fears is, for both of them, is a desperate cry for help, for change. Edric wouldn’t be bringing this up if there wasn’t a part of him that desperately wants to talk to Emira about this, and in the same way Emira wouldn’t have said her fear if she wouldn’t want it too. But the issue is that the twins don’t actually communicate. They put these huge things out there, validating the other’s worst fear with what they say. And then they don’t talk it out. These sentences just hang in the air between them, and then they move on like nothing happened, both anxious and hurt.
And this is because the Blight family in general doesn’t communicate. As mentioned before, the twins don’t dare to talk back to their parents, they do things behind their backs and hope they won’t get caught. They don’t communicate with Amity, and despite Edric and Emira being the closest person the other has, they don’t really communicate the issues in their relationship with each other either, because they don’t know how. This is not a skill they were ever taught, because talking things through like that requires them to be extremely vulnerable. To acknowledge what their worst fears are and why, that they might have gone too far or might have been wrong about some of the things they said, and therefore admit to not being perfect.
But Blights are required to be perfect, and Blights aren’t wrong—if others don’t see things your way, you make them. If others don’t act the way you want them to, you punish them. Tough love to help them grow and “encourage” them to make the “right” decision.
There’s no room for open communication in an environment that sees vulnerability as a shortcoming, and admitting mistakes as a weakness. If neither party is willing to take the first step, communication withers and dies, and the issues go ignored as they grow. Admitting there’s an issue in the first place, and that it might partially be your fault, is considered backing down. And Blights don’t back down. They can’t.
If you back down in business, let others convince you into a bad contact, you’ll never be successful. Worst case: it might be the end. And so you don’t back down. You never do. Blights don’t lose an argument. The other person has to break and back down first.
But that can’t work when both people involved were raised with that mindset. So Emira doesn’t make the first step, and neither does Edric, and aside from their backhand comments that never lead anywhere, they just suffer silently as their relationship disintegrates without as much as their acknowledgement of it.
For Edric, there’s also the issue that bringing up his fear might possibly drive Emira further away, knowing her fear. He doesn’t want to make her angry, and doesn’t want to fight with her, because it might lead to him losing her, which is exactly what he so desperately wants to prevent.
I can’t remember which post brought it up, but one post I read a while back also addresses how despite admitting that her behavior was wrong, we never hear Amity say “sorry” to Willow. Because if there’s one thing the Blight family does even less than admitting mistakes in the first place, it’s apologizing for them. Open communication is weak. Apologizing is weaker.
In summary: There needs to be a balance between depending on yourself and still being able to ask others for support when you need it, and Emira and Edric are currently sitting on opposite ends of the same issue. Both of them need to move more towards the middle. What one of them so desperately wants is what the other needs to recognize.
Emira realizes that she needs space from Edric, and because Edric doesn’t recognize it, he’s the one that needs space from Emira more. He desperately needs to realize that clinging to each other the way they currently are isn’t healthy.
Edric realizes that he needs support from other people, and that’s something Emira denies for herself that she really needs to realize.
They both have half of the solution to their shared problem, but their difficulties communicating the issues within their relationship properly prevent them from finding a healthy solution together.
For everyone that’s incredibly sad now (myself included): I cover these topics in several of my fics.
Most prominently, Locked Out, where I’m currently beginning to explore the Blight twins and their different mindsets further.
Most recently, Sleight of Hand, a collab fic I did with my friend @lexa-alycia, where, among other things, the twins have a long overdue conversation regarding the things said in Enchanting Grom Fright.
But also 6/8 of my currently posted Owl House fics (not counting another additional two that also do and are done but haven’t been posted yet) give focus to at least one of the Blight twins if not both, so yeah I have plenty of twins content on my profile for anyone that wants XD
Next up, probably (because I just do not want to be done with this apparently): a post regarding Vinem and Jerbric and why these relationships would work and be extremely beneficial for everyone involved.
#not spoilers!#reblogs appreciated#I spent way too long on this I want people to see it#amity blight#TW: abuse mention#the owl house#toh#blight twins#Edric blight#Emira Blight#eleena talks blight siblings#blight siblings#Edric toh#Emira toh#meta#Alador Blight#Odalia Blight#toh character analysis#owl house#toh locked out#character analysis#toh meta#long post#my works#my writing#I cannot say anything in little words to safe my life lmfao#part 763 of me wanting to kidnap the Blight children#not me spending several hours over analyzing the Blight kids#again#mild cursing
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Cold to Cozy • R.L
(Gif not mine)
Request: oshdskdhkshs what about Remus being really patient, loving and gentle with the reader who’s insecure and anxious to open up to sb and be with someone after she had just got out of the toxic relationship? Sorry for my English. Love you so much. — anon
Summary: After a rough break up, you wind up at the top of the Astronomy Tower in the middle of the night. Remus joins you.
Warnings: toxic relationship mention (not with Remus), more along the lines of emotional abuse, not physical, crying, but it’s mentioned and Remus comes to comfort you, but please stay safe
Word Count: 1.1k
A.N: Relationships are hard to write when you’ve never been in one. I hope I did this request justice! Could be read as platonic since it’s more focused on like comfort and not really a relationship, but who knows? Read how you’d like to! I think gn!reader. I also still don’t know how to end these things oops. Hope you enjoy, and I love you all ❤️
****
You don’t remember why you even started dating William Mulciber in the first place.
It was a well known fact that he was a bigoted asshole, and anyone with a brain wouldn’t even touch him with a ten foot pole. The only friends he had were Avery, Rosier, and Snape, and even those three needed a break from him sometimes.
But he made you feel wanted in some twisted way—at least at first.
He would flirt with you in class and stare at you across the room instead of getting assignments done. Mulciber would comment on your figure, mostly lewd remarks that had your eyes widen in shock. But he assured you that these were compliments, and who were you to say otherwise, especially in public when all eyes were focused on you?
You’d get embarrassed and duck your head towards the ground as he and his little group laughed at whatever crude joke your little admirer thought of this time.
But he was the only boy to ever outwardly express any sort of interest in you so you felt obligated to accompany him to Hogsmede. And after your little date, even though you realized that the two of you didn’t really have anything in common and he did enough talking for the both of you, you felt obligated to kiss him in front of the entrance to the Slytherin common room.
And your relationship with him was fine for about a whole two seconds before it became damaging to your entire being.
So that’s why after only a few months of being berated and judged by someone who persuaded you that it was all out of love, your relationship, if that’s what you would call it, ended after hours of shouting and flinging insults at each other.
It’s also the reason you’re crying into your house scarf at the top of the Astronomy Tower in the middle of the cold night.
The wind bites harshly at your exposed flesh, your fingers frozen and the tips of your ears completely numb.
Your legs dangle over the side, arms looped securely around the brass banister as your tears drip into your scarf.
The striped fabric is useful in muffling any rogue sobs that manage to escape.
“Rough night?”
The soft questioning voice coming from behind you has you furiously wiping your face in an attempt to look somewhat composed.
“You could say that.” Your voice cracks as the person sits next to you.
Glancing over you can tell it’s Remus, the sleeves of his thick blue jumper bunched up around his hands. He’s shivering very slightly, but is otherwise unbothered by the weather.
He nods silently, and you can hear your teeth chatter. Shyly, you bite your lip in an attempt to stop.
“I heard about you and Mulciber.” Remus speaks up, glancing at you before quickly looking back up at the cloudy sky.
“Oh yeah?” You snort, staring at his scarred face. “And what exactly did you hear?”
Remus looks back at you, the whites of his eyes illuminated in the blue glow coming from the tip of his wand.
“That you’re, and I quote, ‘a cheating bitch.’” He rolls his eyes.
“Oh yeah, because talking to Davey Gudgeon about our upcoming Herbology project is categorized as cheating, and him snogging that sixth year behind the Quidditch shed isn’t.” You scoff, balling your fists around your scarf in anger.
Of course he was spreading lies about you to make himself look like the victim. He was never in the wrong and you always were.
“That’s terrible.” You hear him shift closer to you.
“Yeah, well, that isn’t even the worst of it.” You mumble under your breath, a frown tugging at your lips.
“You don’t deserve that, (Y/n).” He tells you softly.
“But—“
“No, no one deserves the utter shit he put you through, alright?” Remus insists fiercely.
Your throat tightens as you turn your gaze down to your fingers. Nervously, you rub them together, trying to defrost them in order to find feeling again.
“You do know that, don’t you? That what he made you deal with wasn’t love?” Remus continues to press.
Noncommittally, you offer him a shrug, still avoiding those warm honey brown eyes of his.
“I’m sorry, I’m being a little too forward, aren’t I?” Remus sputters at your lack of response. “I just get so frustrated thinking about how he treated you, but if I’m overstepping—“
“No, no, it’s fine, Remus, really.” Finally, you look up, waving away his unnecessary panic. “Just...he was my first...everything, y’know? I think he’s ruined love for me.”
Remus’ face falls at your meek response. His sandy curls wave in the wind and you watch as he tries and fails to tame them behind his ears.
“Love isn’t whatever rubbish he gave you, (Y/n). Love is this warm and cozy feeling that makes you want to wake up in the morning. And makes you want to run around laughing in the pouring rain.” He rambles, marred hands waving around as he talks. “It’s a breath of fresh air and a million little kisses in the middle of the night. Honestly, I wish I could be a little more poetic, but it’s almost midnight and my brain is fried after that Potions exam.”
He chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck.
“No Remus, that was—that was beautiful. It certainly wasn’t what we had.” You smile at him, something you haven’t done in ages at this point.
Truthfully, his little rant had a warmth blossoming in your chest, something you can’t exactly explain. You felt comfortable with him, nothing like you’d ever felt with Mulciber.
With him, it was nothing but ice, sure the occasional dull spark was ignited when his arm was slung securely over your shoulders, but that was rare.
All Remus had to do was look you in the eye and you were a melting mess.
You liked this new feeling.
“You know, you should’ve brought gloves.” He gestures to your numb fingers, shivering in the wind.
“Well I wasn’t exactly planning on going through a break up tonight, Remus.” You sarcastically retort, trying once again to bundle up your hands.
“Here, let me help.” Remus’s large hands lay atop your own, warm palms pressing against your chilled fingers.
You study your joined hands before slowly lifting your gaze back to his eyes. Your hands start to thaw.
“This is nice.” You tell him, just above a whisper.
His face is a bit closer to your own, and you can see the pink blush rising on his cheeks and tinting the tips of his ears. His nose adopts a redder hue from the brutal wind.
“Yeah.” Remus agrees at a similar volume. “It really is.”
•
All Character Taglist: @aspiringsloth20 @amourtentiaa @cherie-draco @mullthingsoverinthehotwater @catching-the-train-to-hogwarts
Remus Lupin Taglist: @lunalovecroft
#Remus Lupin#remus lupin x reader#Remus Lupin blurb#Remus Lupin fluff#Remus Lupin angst#the marauders x reader#remus lupin imagine
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Nick & Nora / Sid & Nancy - Jess Meets Lorelai
Please, let us never forget, that Jess Mariano only includes people in his life that he deems worth. Yes, sometimes that is a version of snobbery where he dismisses people without really knowing them. But he doesn't dismiss Lorelai at first. Luke introduces Lorelai as a friend and Jess pauses, refraining from running up the stairs and instead stopping to meet this woman. It's Lorelai Gilmore's first sentence that makes him flinch and fair enough.
The first thing Lorelai says to Jess Mariano is a rape joke. Or would be interpreted as a rape joke by a New Yorker.
"She can show you where all the good wilding goes on."
Wilding: (a botany term) [and i hope to God that this is how Loralai intended it]: is about cultivating plants or being one with nature.
But to anyone who lived in, or visited, or watched the news in New York specifically in the 90s would understand that the word has a second, more colloquial meaning.
Wilding: the activity of youths of going on a protracted and violent rampage in a public place, attacking or mugging people at random, unprovoked violence, typically ending in rape. The term originated in 1989 (as a mishearing/misinterpreting of a similar word with a harmless cultural meaning) and would grace the papers of the state of New York in mostly regards to cases of rape of a stranger.
To a native New Yorker, hearing this from someone in 2001 would still burn, even if he was only a child when the word started floating about. And, while Loralia was busy growing up, becoming a mother, raising a daughter, and beginning a career in those years during the term's prevalence, there is no way she didn't watch an episode of Seinfeld, Buffy, Ally McBeal, or catch some of the News, or a newspaper, ora conversation from an out-of-towner about the business in New York. And as a woman especially, did no one ever make an off-hand remark to her about steering clear of parks to avoid the 'wilding' in the ten years that it was a buzzword in the media?
This sentence she says, "the park...where all the good wilding goes on," is probably interpreted as a rape joke and on screen we see Jess take a slight step backward.
Is this woman accusing him of something? Is she assuming he's the sort of criminal, the sort of man, the sort of human being, that would behave that way? She doesn't even know him, how dare she! If she's prejudging him that way, he's well within his rights to cut her from his circle of people he's involved with.
Or is it something a little darker. He might interpret the word 'good' as Lorelai's morals condoning of the behaviour and he's not standing for it. Why should he keep someone around if that's the kind of thing they think is okay? He's more morally-minded than that.
Or he might be flinching from experience. We know his morals are strong, but they aren't always on display, especially not yet. And we know that Liz is a terror of a parent (even though that is forgotten by the time her character is introduced in the flesh). We know she's a "flake," "never-present," and that's just this Luke talking about her in this episode. Later, from Jess and from Liz, we'll find out she's a drug-abuser, and has either been married or in serious relationships multiple times. She kicks her son out of the house when she can't deal with him anymore, and Jess, like a PTSD victim, needs to listen to metal music to be able to sleep. And, he's comfortable living in squalor. There might be a more second or even first-hand experience of rape in Jess Mariano's life and Lorelai Gilmore, someone Luke, the person he trusts most in the world (which isn't saying much) just told him is a close friend, just made a joke about it.
Any of these interpretations, which I think Jess Mariano would have jumped to - No wonder he wants nothing to do with her.
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I've seen people suggest LXC is as guilty as everyone else for WWX's downfall and the murder of the Wen remnants, either because he knew they were just a bunch of weak and old people and didn't care, or because he was too naive and he should have gone to the Burial Mounds to investigate for himself.
With this post I aim to analyse the events leading to WWX's downfall from the point of view of characters who acted in good faith without having all the necessary information. I'm bringing LXC as an example because he's one of the less culpable in the whole matter, but similar considerations could be made about several other characters.
First of all, as far as we know LXC didn't personally take part in the first siege of the Burial Mounds, since the novel states that the Lan Sect was led by LQR.
Back then, during the first siege of Burial Mound, Jin GuangShan led the LanlingJin Sect, while Jiang Cheng led the YunmengJiang Sect; Lan QiRen led the GusuLan Sect, while Nie MingJue led the QingheNie Sect. The former two were the main forces, the latter two could’ve gone without.
(Chapter 68)
The other three main sects were led by their respective leaders, so why was the Lan Sect the only one that was led by someone else? My own interpretation is that LXC wanted to stay with his brother while he was recovering from his injuries and he didn't want to be an active participant in the siege that would kill his brother's beloved, despite personally disapproving of WWX's actions. One could argue that letting LQR lead the Lan Sect in the siege still meant giving his tacit approval, which is not wrong, but what should be considered is that the cultivation world didn't plan a siege against WWX because he had taken a bunch of prisoners of war and sheltered them in the Burial Mounds, but because he had killed hundreds of cultivators at Qiongqi Path and a lot more at Nightless City.
Before WN lost control and killed thirty people at Koi Tower - the time he and WQ had gone to turn themselves in - the situation wasn't so dire for WWX yet. The Wen siblings' sentence was still being discussed by the sects. WN mentions that LWJ spoke up for him and his sister back then (chapter 89), which suggests the Lan Sect as a whole hadn't taken an antagonistic stance against WWX yet. LWJ probably tried to bring what he had seen of the Wen remnants and their peaceful settlement as proof that they hadn't done anything to deserve being sentenced to death.
Unfortunately, after that WN lost control of himself and attacked the cultivators who were present at the discussion, which gave even the Lan and Nie Sects a reason to hold a grudge against WWX, since some of the victims were from their Sects as well.
“The Ghost General really is fierce… Said he was there to give himself in, but then he suddenly flipped out. He slaughtered again, this time in Koi Tower.”
[...]
“Wei Ying, though, he shouldn’t have made him if he can’t control it. Created a mad dog and he didn’t leash it. Sooner or later, he’s gonna be faced with a qi deviation. With the way things have been, I doubt the day is that far away.”
[...]
“How unfortunate for the LanlingJin Sect.”
“Things were even worse for the GusuLan Sect! Over half of the thirty-or-so people were from their sect. They were clearly only there to help calm things down.”
(Chapter 77)
A few of the QingheNie Sect’s disciples died in the hands of Wen Ning as well. Nie MingJue spoke coldly, “What arrogance.”
(Chapter 78)
The text explicitly states that the cultivators from the Lan Sect who were present at Koi Tower were only there to "help calm things down", which means they weren't trying to accuse WWX and the Wen remnants. At the time, the Lan Sect's general stance about WWX appeared to be mostly neutral (the same could be said of the Nie Sect). LWJ's own attitude toward the Burial Mounds settlement could be considered mostly neutral as well, at least until WN and WQ (and then WWX) really needed his help.
An argument I’ve seen brought up often is that, if everyone had known the Wen remnants were just farming and living as ordinary peasants, a lot more people would have chosen to help them. However, the main issue wasn't how they were living in the Burial Mounds (which nobody knew except JC, LWJ and maybe LXC), but their role in the war. Not only were they all cultivators from the Wen Clan, despite being very weak, but WQ was favored by WRH, which made her involvement in her sect's crimes even more likely despite her good reputation. Nobody had heard of her killing anyone, but how could they be sure? Besides, the Lan Sect didn't owe any debt of gratitude to the Wen siblings. The Wen Sect had burned the Cloud Recesses and killed LXC and LWJ's father. NMJ held a personal grudge against the Wen Sect because WRH had killed his father, plus his own black-and-white morality made him judge WQ for not opposing WRH in any way. LXC and NMJ had no reason to go out of their way to help WWX and the Wen remnants, but before the bloodbath of Nightless City they didn't do anything to harm them, either.
We also have to take into consideration the world MDZS is set in; that is, a fantasy version of ancient China where revenge is absolutely justified and is considered an act of justice. Even wiping out entire Sects in revenge isn't necessarily condemned, since JGY did that for the alleged murder of his son and nobody criticized him for it until they learned of all the crimes he had commited and realized those people had most likely been framed by him. Xue Yang was obviously despised by everyone for what he did to the Chang Clan because his revenge was considered exceedingly disproportionate to Chang Cian's offense. Xiao Xingchen illustrates society's point of view on the matter very well when he says cutting Chang Cian's finger or even his entire arm would have been entirely reasonable.
So, as long as it was deemed proportionate to the offense, revenge was justified. Putting all the Wen survivors who had taken part in the war into a labor camp was considered a justified punishment in universe. The sects refused to admit the guards had actually abused the prisoners, suggesting that was going too far, but taking revenge against them by putting them in labor camps was totally accepted. Even WWX - who the novel portrays as morally correct most of the time - doesn’t condemn it. He himself used very cruel and ruthless methods to take revenge against his enemies during the Sunshot Campaign, so it would be kind of hypocritical if he opposed their punishment post-war. He does point out that people consider every Wen cultivator guilty by association just for being part of the Wen Clan, without really caring about the actual crimes they have committed, but he only rescues the cultivators from WN's branch, who he knows didn't take part in the atrocities committed by the Wen Sect.
Murdering the Wen remnants settled in the Burial Mounds was wrong even in universe because they were innocent. They hadn't killed anyone during the war and the Wen siblings' help was absolutely essential for WWX and JC when they were on the run. Without them the Jiang Sect wouldn't even exist anymore. This was a huge deal considering the importance of debts in universe and could have swayed public opinion in their favor. NMJ criticized WQ for not doing anything to actively oppose WRH during the war, but the thing is that she had. She had sheltered the Jiang Sect's heir and head disciple, the same people who contributed to the Sunshot Campaign as one of the main forces.
The problem is that no one knew about this except WWX and JC themselves. JC, who had the authority and credibility to defend what WWX had done in the prison camp, didn't show much conviction the one time he tried to speak up for him, so the other sects probably assumed he was just trying to excuse his right-hand man's inexcusable actions and that WWX had become too corrupted by his demonic cultivation and was too unpredictable and dangerous. When JC went to investigate what WWX was actually doing in the Burial Mounds, he came back saying WWX had defected from the Jiang Sect and was an enemy to the cultivation world (chapter 73), apparently confirming WWX had finally lost it because of all the resentful energies he used and was a potential threat to them all.
However, a really important thing to consider is that the cultivation world waited two years to besiege WWX. They didn't immediately charge to attack him or believe all the rumors about WWX. The sects definitely behaved like sheep, but they weren't that stupid. They knew most of the things that were said were probably exaggerated rumors, so they were just observing the situation and waiting to see what he would do. LXC, NMJ and the other cultivators who weren't in bad faith (those who weren't driven by their greed, ambition, resentment or jealousy) were all part of this general category. They had no reason to doubt JC's words, who was a fellow sect leader and WWX's close friend, and many of them had seen for themselves how threatening WWX had acted during the banquet at Koi Tower, when he said nobody could stop him if he wanted to kill someone, so they had no reason to believe WWX's reputation was being unfairly tarnished.
During the two years WWX spent in the Burial Mounds and nobody really knew what he was up to, a lot of rumors were spread about him. Some people thought he was trying to build an army of fierce corpses with their consciousness awakened like WN; others suggested he wanted to found his own sect of demonic cultivators and even took disciples, like the banners in Yiling seemed to indicate. They considered WWX a potential threat, but not enough to actually take action against him. The fact that LWJ waited months before going to check the situation in the Burial Mounds is very telling. He knew the cultivation world was at a standstill with WWX, so despite being worried for WWX he knew there wasn't any immediate danger for him. He might have been too busy with his own sect matters and going wherever the chaos was, but we've seen how LWJ behaves when he thinks WWX is in grave and immediate danger. The way he acted during the night of the bloodbath of Nightless City shows it very well: LWJ did his best to help as many people as he could, but WWX was his priority.
Of course, having only partial information doesn't excuse the sects for everything. They definitely had their faults regardless of how much they knew. They should have given WWX a chance to explain himself about the ambush at Qiongqi Path and the incident at Koi Tower instead of deciding to besiege him. They didn't even care if he was actually guilty or not of cursing Jin Zixun, or that he was the one who had been ambushed on the way to his nephew's full-month celebration. All that mattered to them was that he had lost control and killed hundreds of cultivators, including the Jin heir. They took this as proof of how dangerous and uncontrollable he was, which wasn't completely unfounded. He was dangerous when he wanted to be and he did lose control. Taking this information without all the context we as an audience are aware of - that he was only trying to repay a debt and didn't want to harm anyone, that Jin Zixun provoked him so much it was almost inevitable for him to lose control - doesn't look good at all.
Again, the sects did behave like sheep. The novel portrays WWX as the hero and his decision to rescue the Wen remnants as morally correct. Most of the cultivators who contributed to WWX's downfall were a bunch of hypocrites who couldn't see past their own self-righteousness. But characters like NMJ and LQR are portrayed as generally righteous people, so the fact that they took part in the siege proves not everyone was in bad faith. Nobody really knew why WWX had rescued the Wen remnants and his reasons for wanting to protect them, or why he had invented demonic cultivation in the first place. They just knew he did very questionable things like digging up graves during the war, that he acted arrogantly all the time and even started killing their own people. We as an audience know why he did all these things, but they didn't.
Also, after the bloodbath of Nightless City it was objectively hard to defend WWX's actions. He wasn't clear-headed at all that night and when he activated the Tiger Seal he was already in a half-unconscious state. His overall situation was too much for anyone to be able to stand it, but this doesn't mean what he did was right. The fact that he destroyed the Tiger Seal after returning to the Burial Mounds suggests not even he was proud of all the people he killed that night. WWX isn't infallible and makes mistakes because he's human like anyone else, despite being an overall heroic and selfless person. Even LWJ, who was the only one that still trusted WWX's heart and morals, couldn't really justify what he did at Nightless City. He only told LXC that no matter right or wrong, he was willing to face all the consequences with WWX anyway (chapter 99), because he understood his true nature and knew his outlook and values were the same as his own. But most people didn't know him as well as LWJ did. From the sects’ point of view, the bloodbath of Nightless City was the ultimate proof that WWX was the scourge of the cultivation world.
I'm not trying to say LXC is perfect or that he couldn't have done more, but we should take his own point of view into consideration when we judge his actions (or non-actions). LWJ didn't do much more than him during WWX's first life and what he did ultimately wasn't enough to save WWX (I don’t think it’s his fault, he was in an objectively difficult position), but the fandom doesn’t criticize him as much as they do with LXC, because after WWX came back LWJ's support for him was flawless. But LXC wasn't in love with WWX. He hadn't observed him since he was a teenager like LWJ had done because of his huge crush on him. We shouldn't underestimate the importance of debts in universe and how information in general can affect people's perceptions. Even LWJ stayed mostly still during WWX’s first life because he didn't have all the information and didn't know why WWX had left the bright broad road to start cultivating with resentful energies.
WWX is the protagonist, the hero of the story and the character whose point of view most of the novel is narrated from, so it's easy for the audience to empathize with him and understand his perspective. It's really interesting that even WWX has a good opinion of LXC and NMJ (and mostly respects LQR) despite their role in his downfall. It's not just because of his forgiving nature, since we see him criticize the hypocrisy of the sects a lot of times, but because he recognizes they were in good faith and they had their reasons for behaving like they did, despite the mistakes they might have made.
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