was thinking about takeshi and how he's my favorite brand of unconditional devotion btw. the utter and absolute and all-consuming kind that runs so deep to the very core and is so intrinsic and fundamental to it, it can only express itself in the most casual and natural and certain way. without second thoughts, without any room for doubts or for any moral dilemma to be had over it, because of course he ought to always be breathing and living for his chosen person first and foremost. of course he ought to hang on their every word and make them true no matter what, no matter what he has to do to make it happen, no matter what he has to do to other people to make it happen, and no matter what it might turn him into in the process. because it's obviously the way the world should be for his chosen person. at their feet, ready to bend over backwards and break and build itself again to better answer to all their needs even if they don't ask it for it. it's the only right way it should be for them, and of course takeshi's going to do his utmost at all times to make it a reality as much as possible.
and his devotion comes out as naturally as breathing, comes out lighthearted and nonchalant like he might as well be talking about the weather, but it's not unaware of itself. it's not that takeshi doesn't know it's unhealthy and wrong and that he's willing to go entirely too far in its name for anyone's good. it's not that he wouldn't hear you out if you were to sit him down and explain to him just why he needs to tone it down a little (a lot). logically, he'd agree with you and know you're right. and then he'd tell you he's still not going to do anything whatsoever about it. that he's not bothered by it and doesn't feel the need to change anything to his attitude. makes it a point to never let anyone or anything sway him even an inch in the stand he took when it comes to that, no matter how many thousand of times you might go over the subject with him.
because the morality of his devotion isn't the point at all. is entirely irrelevant to it and doesn't affect the way he expresses it all. it's not the metric with which he draws a line in the sand to hold it accountable to. because the thing is, takeshi's entire world revolves around tsuna--tsuna is his entire world altogether, and it's just a matter of fact, that simple. to him it's a truth as unchanging as the sky being blue, and so being the way he is according to that truth is the only way he can imagine being that'd feel right to him. and so the actual and only metric that matters here is "would tsuna be happier if i were to do this?" and/or "is this something tsuna needs me to do?"
and like. i don't think takeshi ever stops being a kind person capable of compassion and understanding and mercy and forgiveness even ten years later once they became mafia through and through. and i don't think either he grows up to be feared and called a monster per se despite the things they inevitably had to do during those ten years (and the things they'll inevitably keep having to do as long as they keep being mafia), at least not in the way, for example, they'll never stop fearing and calling mukuro one. but i do think that among the tenth gen, he ends up being the one with the most ruthless, merciless and horrific blood on his hands of that particular and distinct loving kind. you know the one i mean, right? he comes to be the one most expected and the one first expected to be willing and to take it upon himself to go through with it when the need arises. and to think little of it after, if anything at all. all in the name of making tsuna's reign as easy on him as possible.
and it's to the point where it's the kind of blood that makes even mukuro pause at times. or, when takeshi is the one coming up with solutions himself during meetings, makes even reborn blink. not because it's unjustified or wouldn't be safe or efficient or anything of the sort, but because it is unwarrantedly thorough in its retaliation. and sometimes, at times like this, he's the one tsuna needs to step in for the most, because he's the only one who can reason with him that "yes, this would work in getting rid of our problem" but "no, please, don't do that takeshi". because if tsuna is the only thing that infers on just how much and in what ways he'll let himself be devoted to him, then of course, he's also the only one takeshi's willing to reign himself in for without second thoughts. because he'd hate to ever do something tsuna would disapprove of or wouldn't want him to do. or do something that'd make tsuna see him differently or love him back less even in the slightest.
and it's also like. his devotion isn't an undisciplined one. it's not one he doesn't have control over, the very opposite. it's a very purposeful and conscious choice he chooses to keep making over and over again every step of the way, and he taught himself to have control over it, to know when it's needed and/or wanted, and how much and in which ways it is when it happens, and to keep it down otherwise. and, yes, to also reign it back in at tsuna's request at times when it still slips past his control. because it's all about making tsuna's happiness easier and secure and long-lasting, and never about burdening him with just how committed he is to do that.
so it comes down to this: takeshi willing to go above and beyond and more for tsuna unless tsuna explicitly asks him not to. and to tsuna needing to ask him not to every now and then. and to other people pointing out to him how too many times tsuna's already needed to stop him, and that maybe there's a hint for him to take there. and to takeshi seeing the hint, looking it straight in the eye and recognizing it for what it is and just. deciding it doesn't apply to him because it's all perfectly normal behavior to him. because it's the only kind of behavior that makes sense to him and feels right.
and so—to circle back to my first point—he can only express his devotion as naturally as breathing, so casually, almost like it's something inconsequential and not worth talking about despite how unmistakably it couldn't be further away from being the truth. it's the only way he could have always known how to express it, because, after all, who has ever taken time to ponder about the details and the hows of the way they breathe?
and i, for one, absolutely eat that shit up every time, thanks for coming to my ted talk <3
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Ride 757: A small tremor
Pag 1
2: Raging waves!!
3: Swirling ocean currents!!
Pag 2
1: Danchiku!!
2: We're now in the land of the decisive battle, Kyushu!! In Shimonoseki!!
Calm down, Issa, this is Moji. Shimonoseki is on the opposite shore, it's in Yamaguchi Prefecture
3: 1000 years ago, the final battle between Genji and Heike happened here
Pag 3
2: You know that because we did it recently in Japanese History? So you were awake....
3: The master fencer Miyamoto Musashi and Sasaki Kotaro had their duel in the close Ganryu Island!!
Ah... almost, but not really. It's Sasaki Kojiro; Kotaro is a friend of yours
5: Here!!
6: Here it's the starting point of the Inter High!!
8: Us!!
Pag 4
1: Let's become the best in Japan
Danchiku!!
Pag 5
2: Uh......!!
I came here just to chaperone you.... and I was wondering what you were you even talking about until now....
3: But this guy's simple words and feelings-
(Let's go see the sea, Danchiku! It's the sea!
Let's go renew our determination!!)
4: -can always shake my heart!!
Yeah, Issa!!
Pag 6
1: The towel is cast!!*
2: It's “the die is cast”!!*
Die is dice and it means “it's already started so you have to move forward”!! To “throw the towel” means to “give up”!!
(*NdT.: here Issa uses two very similar words: he says “saji” while it's actually “sai”)
3: Ahhh, dammit, I'm really so fired up!!
4: Let's go show this excitement to him!!
Him!?
To Doubashi!! Hahaha
Hm... wait, you want to go to Hakogaku's tent!? You want to march inside? Stop, Issa!!
Pag 7
3: We're here
4: Why are you here- during Doubashi-san's massage
See, look, Issa
Sohoku second years!? Don't come into the enemy's tent without even a greeting!
Doesn't matter
5: Let them through
Pag 8
1: It's been a while. I'm so worked up now, Doubashi!!
“san”, na!!
2: He's huge.....!! Hakogaku's third year, Doubashi Masakiyo!!
He sitting down, and yet he looks like Issa that's standing up!!
3: Is it your ring name!? Sanna Doubashi!?
I told you to use the honorific “san, idiot!! Buah!!
4: Was he this huge last year!? ….. no
He got even bigger during this past year!!
5: There are so many injuries in his knees
6: And even on his elbows there are traces of fights...!!
Pag 9
1: I came to tell you how much stronger I got in this past year
Oi, stop, if you say something like this now, you'll definitely regret it later
Nah, I'll say it
3: There's another person
4: Ah....
5: Is he also..... a regular?
6: Ah, Yes, I'm Sohoku's... second year...
Hahaha I'll introduce you!!
7: Is he your partner, Orange?
Hahaha, that's right!!
8: Our team's name is SS!! His name is Danchiku!!
I'm telling you this for your own good
9: Stop
Pag 10
1: This guy's a “chicken*”
(*NdT.: here the literal translation of the kanji used is "weak-hearted", while the reading says "chicken")
Pag 11
2: He'll run away right away
3: Buah!!
4: Road racing half a mental sport!! The distance is long and there'll be a lot of difficult moments. I don't know what kind of runner this guy is, but he's mentally weak and he'll be crushed by the pressure, especially at the Inter High!!
5: He got my weak point with one shot....!!
6: Nah, Orange!! Let's have a serious race, the two of us
Ah!?
And bring a better guy than this!!
Ah!?
7: This one's no good, he can't run!!
That's what the sensor in my polished body are telling me
8: Doesn't Sohoku have a reserve!? You should.....
Pag 12
1: Replace him right now
4: Yuuto lost to a guy like this?
Ah!?
Well, I guess you had quite an advantage since it was a rcae in your hometown
Danchiku won!!
5: Would it be better if I was replaced...? No
He's not a bad guy, but.... sometimes he says bad stuff. Last year, too-
6: No, that's not true!!
What am I saying!! I'll run!! I'll be the one running!!
Pag 13
1: In the Inter High!! Together with Issa!!
2: Ehi, welcome back. Did you have fun on your walk?
… yeah
I've done the oiling and the gear check
Did you see the sea?
It was fired up!!
3: Fired up?
The sea was fired up!!
4: “My heart is small”
“Yours is much bigger”
5: Sugimoto-san.....
Once you get dressed could you try ride it?
Pag 14
1: Uhm, Sugimoto-san
3: Hm?
4: Hy.... hypothetically
5: If right now
6: I said I couldn't run, what would you do?
Pag 15
4: Since the day I was chosen as a reserve
5: I haven't taken even one day off practice
7: The members may seem to be in perfect condition, but they could accidentally fall and get injured, or get ill
Be ready to run the moment you know someone can't run, that's what a reserve is
I
8: I spent my time wishing that all my efforts would be in vain
Pag 16
1: I would run for all three days!!
Now I'll put this toolbox down, put on the my cleats and prepare my own bike!!
Can be done in fifteen minutes!!
Pag 17
2: Be prepared!!
4: I-I'm sorry!!
I'm sorry for saying stupid things
5: In road racing a reserve can only be subbed in until the start of the first day
The rules say that you can't change during the race
6: Is that so!?
You didn't know that!?
7: Once the race starts, if someone can't run, he can't be substituted
He retires and the number of people in the tea decreases... that's road racing
8: If your condition isn't good, tell us now
It's more advantageous is all six people run
9: It's alright, if you made that decision
Pag 18
1: No one will blame you
Pag 19
1: This trial run on the course is terrific, Danchiku
The sea is in full view!!
2: That tanker is huugee!!
“No one will blame you”
3: Don't hang your head, don't look down
What a I thinking!!
Raise your head!!
4: Issa is here
5: The Inter High I've longed for
6: “Stop”
“Chicken”
7: The die is cast!!
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cw: food as a love language; dad and husband osamu; the kid is 18 and not a baby
word count: 700+
if there's one thing about osamu, it's that he can never find his phone. it's always in his back pockets when he works, but the moment he gets home, it disappears. underneath the covers, atop your wardrobe, hidden in the couches, and today, you find its elusive nature has led it on top of the microwave.
"your son's calling you," you tell him as you glance down at the vibrating screen.
osamu doesn't lift his head from the pot he stirs, a rich soup meant to clean out the fridge, "put him on speaker."
"hey, kid," you say once you swipe the button.
"hi mom," he answers habitually, "where's dad?"
you have to roll your eyes at your husband's cocky grin, because he's clearly the desired parent for the day. osamu makes sure to kiss your temple when you pass him the phone, a reminder that you are loved even if it's not necessary.
he places it in his breast pocket, "hey, little man."
"hi dad," the younger one says but supplies nothing else.
osamu stops stirring this time and places one hand on his hip, "what's on ya mind?"
"nothing." the two of you glance at each other. eighteen years of raising him, and you try to parse meaning in the words he doesn't say. it's harder now, without him around, without his cute cheeks to pinch or his grumbly attitude after a hard day at school.
what's wrong? your husband mouths but you only shrug. it's his turn to roll his eyes at you, holding in an exasperated breath.
"how's school doing for ya?" osamu tries again. "ya eating well?"
"kinda."
"what ya mean kinda?"
there's silence and the both of you stop to turn to each other again. you with a plate in your hand and osamu with his wooden spoon. you're getting somewhere, it seems. it's a challenge of patience and you all wait in anticipation on who will take the bait.
"dining hall food sucks, dad." osamu starts belly laughing. he bends over the pot and his phone almost slides out. years in the kitchen full of slips, trips, and falls train him to catch his phone before it falls into the soup. your son's pouting now. you can hear it. "dad, really! it all tastes so bland and boring. it's nothing compared to your food."
though you're behind him setting the table, you can see the way his posture straightens, a proud puff of his chest. "course ain't nothing gonna compare. ya pops is the best."
"that's the problem, dad!"
you stifle a quiet giggle as you watch osamu sputter. rounding the table, you rest your cheek against his arm. the two of you stare at the fragrant and bubbling pot as you listen to your son's breathing.
he looks down at you as you rub the expanse of his back that’s only gotten plumper in the years you’ve been with him, a question. you respond with a knowing smile. and maybe he just needed a little encouragement because a richness forms on osamu's features, of pride, of love, and the bittersweet sorrow that sometimes comes with it.
"what are ya doing next saturday?" he prompts.
"huh? i don't know."
"ya too cool to hang out with ya pops?" your husband eggs. this is where your son got it from, you roll your eyes again. neither of them have ever been quite forthright with their feelings. "got the day off that day."
he travels five hours to tokyo that next saturday. in the back of his truck is a box full of ingredients straight from onigiri miya. he carries bags of rice that an embarrassed son whines at, complaining that his father's too much. the son helps his old man anyways, carrying the ingredients and kitchen supplies up the stairs with him.
they talk of the cute classmate, the insufferable teacher, about you and how you still can't put away your used glasses of water. osamu mentions it with a pointed look at his son's nighstand that's littered with water bottles of his own. osamu helps him clean and takes him to the store to replenish his snacks and in the midst of it all, osamu teaches his son.
in the dim light of the dorm, osamu rolls an onigiri in his hand and places it on a plastic plate. then he makes his son repeat it until osamu cannot tell who made which.
osamu leaves and months later, their son visits back home. before the semester starts again, the son is sent with another box full of rice, seaweed, and even a new rice paddle.
atsumu pats his nephew on the back as he goes, "so ya got a samu care package too?" the older miya beams as he rifles through the box, "looks like a vip one. he never gave me rice paddles in mine."
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