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fractualized · 1 day

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A while ago I got under someone's skin for referencing Joker's surprising delayed reaction to killing Jason Todd, and since then I've been thinking it's worth digging into as an interesting element of Joker's characterization.

Of course, first thing's first: Jason's murder in Batman (1940) #427, as originally presented in 1988.

Jason has just reconnected with his biological mother, Sheila Haywood, at a famine relief camp in Ethiopia— and he's discovered that Joker is blackmailing her with information about her criminal past. She gets him truckloads of medical supplies to sell on the black market, and Joker restocks the trucks with toxin. While Bruce races to stop a tampered truck, Jason decides to help his mother on his own. When he discloses he's Robin, however, Sheila betrays him to Joker, not only to stay on Joker's good side but because she's actually been embezzling money from the organization she works for this whole time. She's afraid an investigation prompted by Batman and Robin's appearance would expose this fact.

So Sheila stands by as Jason is felled by Joker and his goons, and then the crowbarring starts.

It's bad! When we return later, Jason is presumably dead.

While Joker isn't shocked that he's murdered a child, he does have an unexpected reaction to Sheila's point. He hadn't really been thinking about what he was doing, implying that he hadn't intended to kill Jason. He just got carried away, whoopsie! He didn't do this to get at Batman; he wasn't thinking about Batman at all. Now, however, he's concerned about how Batman will react.

Joker thinks Jason is already dead. The purpose of the bomb is to get rid of the evidence of his involvement, including Sheila. Joker is not broken up about what he did, but he does have a sense that he's gone a step too far and he doesn't want Batman to know about it. At least for now!

In the end, while Jason wakes and he and his mother try to save each other, they're trapped in the warehouse when the bomb goes off. Bruce makes it back only in time to find a dying Sheila, who tells him it was Joker. When Bruce finds Jason, Jason gets no last words. He's already dead, and Bruce is devastated.

A clue from Joker leads Bruce to the United Nations in New York, and there, infamously, Bruce learns that Joker has been made the ambassador from Iran. Joker is now protected from prosecution, and Batman going after him risks an international incident. Bruce still very much wants to, but Superman stops him.

Well, mostly Superman. I recommend reading Batman #429 to see Bruce's full thought process on this. He is furious and constantly thinking about finally ending Joker— but he also questions his mental state. He still wonders if he can hold Joker responsible if he believes Joker is insane. He uses phrases like "what happened to Jason" like it was a natural disaster, not murder. He even confronts Joker to give him one last chance to turn himself in to Arkham Asylum. Bruce is in a kind of denial, still grabbing at how things usually go.

But back to Joker. Evidently, he's no longer worried that Batman will find out he killed Robin. Joker admits to it immediately.

I assume Joker realized there was no point in denying it. Is Batman going to think it's a coincidence that Robin got blown up when Joker was around? Though Bruce does say it's Joker's taunts that 100% confirm for him that the clown was responsible, pointing again to Bruce still grasping for reasons to not break his rule in his grief.

By the end of the issue, Joker has naturally tried to kill the entire United Nations assembly, which instantly made him free game. So Bruce pursues him to a helicopter, and an in-air scuffle ensues in which Bruce explicitly prevents Joker from being killed by friendly fire, evidently so he can decide how Joker will die. Bruce jumps out of the helicopter, abandoning Joker to a fiery crash. However, despite Bruce's (supposed) intentions, Joker's body is nowhere to be found. The clown lives!

So that's it, right? Joker felt some unease about killing Jason initially, but in a short time, he was happy to gloat about it to Batman's face.

But when Joker reappears in Batman #450, in 1990, he is not triumphant. He's holed up in a dilapidated building, where he learns someone is impersonating him.

How often do we see Joker upset by murders? When the story returns to him, we learn more about his mental state.

With all of Joker's cackling glee at the things he's done, coming close to actual death in the helicopter crash has jarred him— and not just the crash, but the murder that led to it. He recoils from the memory of what he did to Jason. It's why he can't see the joke anymore. It's set apart from his previous crimes. It's too far.

Which is not at all to say that Joker is completely broken up about Jason. By the end of #450, he rallies and sets out to go after his copycat and restore his reputation to his liking.

In Batman #451, though, Joker is still plagued by doubts along the way.

Even when he overcomes those doubts, claiming the mantle as the one and only Joker when his copycat dies by falling into acid, Joker challenges Gordon to finally kill him. It's reminiscent of The Killing Joke, the first time Joker went too far. But like TKJ, Gordon and Batman decide to get Joker back to Arkham against their more vengeful instincts.

Joker's also decided Arkham is just what he needs. Outside, he's plagued by the reality of what he's done; in Arkham, he can settle back into his insanity and stop caring about it again.

So after that, Joker has no second thoughts about killing Jason, right? After all, he largely references the murder in callous terms. In-universe this makes sense as Joker revising history in his own head, particularly as more stories portray his effort to be more monster than man. Monsters don't have qualms about murder! But this is comics, so we can also presume that not all Joker writers know or remember #450/451, which I think is a shame. I find stories in which Joker expresses even just a degree of vulnerability to be more interesting than those where he's just mwahaha evil.

I have seen a few other bat stories bring some nuance into Joker's perception of Jason's death, though.

First up is the particularly nuanced "Fool's Errand" in Detective Comics (1937) #726, published in 1998. Bruce visits Joker in Arkham to get information on how to find a kidnapped girl who's running out of time. It just so happens Joker arranged this kidnapping for a particular day.

I strongly recommend this issue for batjokes fans, as it revolves around Joker talking the case through with Batman in his cell to help him figure out more clues to a crime Joker himself planned. Even with Bruce beating Joker up, the conversational tone feels almost friendly. They're just doing their usual thing.

Well, sort of. Bruce has already said he's not in the mood, and he interrupts their conversation to say so again.

Joker could insist that Batman stay and keep playing the game, and needle him for being unwilling to merely talk to Joker to rescue this child. Instead, Joker gives up her location.

And Bruce does come back as predicted.

So that was Joker's nefarious plan. He wanted to restore some hope to Bruce's cynical soul to be sure that his future failures would hurt even more. But it sure seems the middle didn't go the way Joker expected, when he recognized Batman just wasn't going to play the game as usual.

Joker doesn't jump into taunting. He doesn't answer Bruce at first. He's withdrawn and reflective. He's got something else on his mind on this anniversary of the second Robin's death, and he knows that Bruce does, too. Perhaps not forcing Batman to play was a small gesture, acknowledging the difficulty of the day, remembering how things changed. And what does that gesture cost Joker when he still gets the outcome he wants?

Second example is actually also called "Fool's Errand," this one from Robin (1993) #85, published in 2001. This is a fun one in which Joker discusses his interactions and frustrations with the Robins.

But while Joker indicates more than once that he wants to fight Batsy alone, after he talks about killing Jason, this is the next page:

Joker does not then say he was relieved when another Robin showed up, but still. He's acknowledged again that when he murdered Jason, things were not right. As angry as the birdies make him, they're a key component in the game.

Then we come back to "Once More, With Feeling!" in Harley Quinn (2000) #25, from 2002. Harley's been playing double-agent against Batman with Joker, and she and Joker have this exchange.

Joker typically makes light of murdering Robin, but it seems that when he's with just about his only confidante, he lets other feelings about it burst out.

There's also a flashback to DitF in Batman: Gotham Knights #44 in 2003. We get an exchange between Bruce and Joker before Bruce jumps out of the helicopter.

Joker laughs as the helicopter dives, ready to die, but before that, he seems resigned. He doesn't throw in a real dig about murdering Jason, and he doesn't gloat that he's finally gotten Batman to kill him. He acknowledges he crossed a line.

Lastly, there's a 2006 exchange between, well, Joker and Jason himself in "All They Do is Watch Us Kill, Part 2" as part of Under the Red Hood in Batman (1940) #649. Jason has kidnapped Joker as batbait, and when Joker needles him, Jason needles him back.

Joker regularly extolls his own crimes, but suddenly one of his victims mockingly accuses him of putting up a front, of not being as coldhearted and untouchable as he wants to seem. Maybe Joker does doubt what he's doing and retreats under the cover of madness so he doesn't have to think about it— just as he did in Batman #451.

I'm not sure if there are other examples of Joker expressing anything but mocking glee about Jason's death. I do know of times he's shown a sort of fondness for Jason (such as in The Man Who Stopped Laughing #4, Gotham War: Red Hood #2, Suicide Squad: Get Joker #3), but that's not really the same thing. Joker could've seen Red Hood as his and Batman's Frankenstein child without feeling any squeamishness about killing him in the first place.

But if anyone knows of any other moments where Joker does not act like killing Jason is absolutely his most favorite thing he ever did, do share!

#joker #jason todd #my jibber-jabber

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ozai-the-bonsai · 2 days

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Cry for the Moon

Pairing: Zuko x firebender!reader

Warnings: none

A/N: We are about to arrive at the Crossroads of Destiny and I am so freaking excited for it!!! Ever since I have started working on this story, I have been daydreaming from time to time about what I wanted to do once they all go back to the Fire Nation - which will be happening soon enough ^.^ hope you enjoy this chapter!

Taglist: @annonymatic @yoongiesstar @lost-inthe-v0id @lokigodofmyheart @4l3x1s @potato87123 @asciendo @angelruinz @unamused-boss @junieshohoho @yourlivewire @itszzmoon @coolgirl458 @vyliie @6000-fandoms @aerikim246 @mymummydustxx @xenop0p @saikikusouswife @marsbars09 @stell404

Once again, the amber eyes full of sorrow, disappointment and fury appeared out in the dark the moment he closed his eyes. Zuko took a deep breath as he stood up from where he lied on the deck and walked towards the railings. Everyone else was deep in sleep.

The look of disgust on his face was almost shouting out how much he hated being on that damned ferry. He hated being a refuge, and he hated having to eat disgusting leftovers. He was sick of everything that had been happening to him lately. But still, none of those haunted him the way she did.

Ever since their encounter, Zuko hadn’t been able to get any sleep without the ghost of her words hanging around his neck as if it was some heavy rope. He had long known how heartbreaking it should have been for her, hearing those harsh words from him; however, what he had encountered that day was way worse than what he had been anticipating.

She wasn’t only heartbroken – no. She was angry, disappointed, and most importantly, she had been lying to herself for the last three years. It had never occurred to Zuko that she would, at some point, make herself believe that everything had been a lie. That Zuko had never really loved her. That everything had been part of a plan.

And the worse part – it did hurt him, knowing she had so little trust in his love for her so that she had managed to make herself believe in such a huge lie for the last three years.

Being replaced by Azula was enough to make Zuko feel all different kinds of green because of jealousy, and knowing how his place was being filled only made everything even more unbearable. It felt like a nightmare from which he couldn’t wake up, no matter how hard he would try.

What if there is someone else? The poisonous thoughts slowly crept into Zuko’s mind as his eyes got lost inside the dark, deep waters of the sea. I knew it would be inevitable the moment I left her behind but I never thought how real this could get.

The truth was, Zuko didn’t know whether he could bear seeing her with someone else, finding comfort in someone’s arms other than his. During his banishment, he avoided this very thought every time it tried to come out into the light from that dark, dusty corner it was hidden. He didn’t let himself consider such a possibility; however, now knowing that she had made herself believe she had been never really loved by him, it could very well be the case that she was already over him.

Even the simplest thought about it was enough to bring Zuko on the verge of throwing up.

Shaking his head, the Banished Prince wrapped his arms around his torso, slowly heading back to where he was sleeping before. I need to get some more sleep, he thought as he laid himself down on the hard floor once more that night. I don’t know how long I can go on like this.

[POV Change]

“You were wrong, though. I did love you. Every single day.”

Hearing Azula call out your name made you come back to reality as you straightened your back while riding your mongoose lizard. Ever since you faced Zuko, you were being haunted by the last words he said. Whenever you were left alone with your thoughts, his voice kept echoing in your ears, driving you crazy.

“What did you say, Azula?” You asked, causing the Princess to roll her eyes at you.

“I said that we have caught up with the Avatar.” She said and frowned. “Have you been daydreaming again?”

Ty Lee chuckled upon seeing the way you averted Azula’s gaze. “Azula, don’t get mad – she is simply missing her boyfriend!”

You winked at Ty Lee. “See, she gets it!” You spoke playfully and turned your gaze to meet Azula’s. “We haven’t been apart this long before – it is kind of difficult to get used to.”

Every single time, you ended up more amused with your lying skills and how naturally it came to you.

Azula rolled her eyes once more.

“Why didn’t you bring him with you?” Ty Lee asked curiously, completely unaware of how stupid her question sounded, which made you realise that she hadn’t met Shuzi at all – she did run away before you started dating him.

Azula and you ended up laughing before responding to Ty Lee’s question. “Oh, sorry – it’s just, when you know Shuzi, such a question sounds way too funny.” You said as you took a deep breath. “He is a total sweetheart, but he cannot fight – I think he would have a heart attack if he had to face the earthbender girl traveling with the Avatar.”

“We cannot allow anyone to weigh us down on this mission,” Azula added. “So, he wasn’t even invited in the first place.”

“Oh,” Ty Lee’s cheeks carried a light shade of pink, she probably felt silly for asking such a dumb question. “I just… I never thought you would be with someone who isn’t as much of a fighter as you are.”

Azula sent you an I-told-you-so look. “See, she gets it!” She repeated what you said earlier, causing you to roll your eyes this time. “Wait until you see him, Ty Lee – she can do much better and she insists on not acknowledging that she is settling for less!”

It was common knowledge that Azula never approved your relationship with Shuzi. She didn’t hate him, of course, but she didn’t like him either. At first, you found it quite annoying that she criticized him all the damn time; however, after understanding the reason behind it, her words stopped annoying you.

This was Azula’s way of showing that she cared about you, and she wanted you to have the best. Hence, seeing you settling for less didn’t really make her happy.

Ty Lee shrugged. “I mean, she did do better.” She said casually, completely ignoring the fact that Mai was still there with you. “I believe it is quite hard to find someone better than the Crown Prince himself, right?”

“Well,” you spoke with a cold tone. “The said jerk isn’t coming home anytime soon.”

“And even if he did come home, I don’t believe you would forgive him just like that.” Azula said as she snapped her fingers. You simply nodded.

Mai tried to shift the subject back to Shuzi to avoid feeling more uncomfortable than she already did. “I never understood what you see in Shuzi in the first place.”

The edge of your lips curled upwards as you thought about how happy he made you, which pushed away all those weird feelings Zuko and the remnants of your past relationship had been stirring within you. “He just… makes me happy. He loves me so much and he does everything he can to make me happy. Also, he is super sweet, and we spend the best of times when we are together.” Sending a quick look at Mai, you raised an eyebrow at her. “Was that enough reason for you?”

Carrying the same old indifference on her, the raven-haired girl shrugged. “Whatever.”

Azula cleared her throat. “What I understand from what you have just said is that he indeed loves you, but you don’t really love him, do you?” Her words made you frown as you waited for her to elaborate more on what she was pointing at. “If he stopped spoiling you and making you happy, you wouldn’t let him hang around much longer – correct me if I’m wrong.”

To your relief, your eyes found the Avatar’s flying bison before you had to answer Azula’s question. She had touched a point which you had been carefully avoiding ever since you went on this mission with her and, to be honest, you didn’t really intend to think about it for now. The topic was complicated, you feared the conclusion you could come to, and more importantly, you had the feeling that it could somehow lead up to starting an internal discussion about your past with Zuko.

I don’t have time for this.

“Ladies, that is enough gossip for today.” You said as you pointed at the flying bison. “We have found them.”

Azula’s amber eyes shone with victory as she started to move her arms in a circular motion. Not long after, lightning stroke the tree near the flying bison, causing it to fall down and block the path. “My, my, you are easy to find.” Azula was speaking mainly to the Avatar but he wasn’t to be seen, yet. “It is really astounding that my brother hasn’t captured you yet.”

As you all arrived by bison on your mongoose lizards, a group of girls came into sight. They were in bright green kimonos with black, torso armour and dark green pants. However, the most prominent feature of their look was their unique make-up: their whole face was painted in white other than their red lips and the red paint over their eyes, lined up by black paint as well. It slowly came to your attention that they were all carrying different kinds of golden head pieces.

Wait a second, I think I have seen this kind of face paint before… Was it in one of my books?

The girls suddenly took a v-formation and with a swift movement, they all reached for their fans while activating their shields which carried the Earth Kingdom insignia. “What do you want with us?” The girl standing on the front spoke, she seemed to be the leader.

“Who are you?” Azula asked with a condescending tone. “The Avatar’s fan girls?”

Ty Lee started giggling as soon as she got the joke. “Oh, I get it. Good one, Azula!”

The leader spoke with a strong voice. “If you are looking for the Avatar, you are out of luck.”

You didn’t bother hiding the shocked expressing appearing on your face. Why is the Avatar not travelling with his bison in the first place? This doesn’t make any sense.

Unless… They are separated.

Mai sighed. “I knew this was a waste of time,” she muttered with her voice as lifeless as ever.

Azula raised an eyebrow. “No Avatar, huh? Well, that’s okay.” As she jumped off the mongoose lizard, she firebended at the flying bison. “Any friend of the Avatar is an enemy of mine!”

Taking the hint, you jumped off your lizard as well, following Azula into the fight. While you used your firebending to create a giant fireball, the fighter girls protected the bison by moving their shields together. However, they weren’t ready for the heavy fireball coming right at them with full speed – your attack ended up knocking them all from their feet.

At the meanwhile, Mai pinned one of the girls to a tree. “You are so colourful; it is making me nauseous!” She complained loudly while throwing a bunch of darts at another one. The girl reached for her sword just in time to deflect the darts; however, she ended up getting chi-blocked by Ty Lee.

“You are not prettier than we are!” Ty Lee shouted at the girl.

You rolled your eyes at Ty Lee as you performed a backwards flip in the air, all the while firing blasts from your fists and your feet around you. The edge of your lips curled upwards as you heard one of the girls screaming and falling facedown onto the ground.

“By the way,” you spoke cooly while looking at the almost unconscious girl with the burnt kimono. “That is one really ugly shade of green.”

The leader of the fighter girls deflected another blast from Azula, which ended up setting the fallen tree on fire. The flying bison started acting in a frightened way upon seeing the fire, causing you to raise an eyebrow as you approached Azula.

“Afraid of fire?” You asked, only to earn a small chuckle from Azula.

“That is good,” the Princess said while looking at the bison. “You should be.”

[Time Skip]

You kept looking at their awfully familiar makeup as the prisoners were carefully put onboard the tank train. The itching in your brain was enough sign to tell you that you knew who (or what) these girls were – you just couldn’t remember it! Their makeup seemed to remind you of someone else, some famous Earth Kingdom person who also wore a similar kimono and used fans for airbending…

Your amber eyes widened with realisation. Airbending?!

“I know!” You almost shouted without noticing, causing the leader of the warriors to leap up in her place. She was going to be the last to board the tank train since Azula wanted her to see all the others being dragged in, one by one. This was one of her strategies to break the leader’s strength. “Azula, these are the Kyoshi Warriors!”

The Princess turned to look at you with a frown on her face. “Oh, that explains the… interesting makeup.” She muttered, earning a nod from you. “But aren’t they supposed to live on an island?”

With a sceptic look in your eyes, you turned your look to the leader of the Kyoshi Warriors. “Indeed, they are supposed to be on the Kyoshi Island near Southern Watertribe, not on the way to Ba Sing Se.” Crossing your arms over your chest, you asked her. “What are you and your friends doing here?”

The hatred in her blue eyes was so dense that it could materialise any second. “Because some of your friends burnt down our village while hunting down the Avatar!” She spit out the words as if they were venom. “We then decided to help out the others here, in Earth Kingdom, who also had their fair share of the brutality of the Fire Nation!”

You had a feeling that this friend could be someone you knew. “Do you remember who exactly burnt down your village?” You asked, completely ignoring her latest remark. “I can guarantee you, none of us have been anywhere near Kyoshi Island lately.”

She shook her head as she closed her eyes tightly. “I don’t know his name – he had this weird ponytail and a scar on his face.”

“Yep,” you said as you turned to face Azula. “Definitely Zuko.”

The Princess rolled her eyes.

After the guards took the leader of the Kyoshi Warriors also inside, Azula spoke to you with a low voice and a naughty shimmer in her amber eyes. “I think I know how I am going to conquer Ba Sing Se.”

Your jaw dropped upon hearing her words, you immediately stopped in your tracks and turned to face the Princess. “How to… what?!” It was hard to tell whether she was being serious or sarcastic. “Ba Sing Se?”

Azula placed one of her hands on your shoulder. “You have read all about these Kyoshi Warriors, right?” You nodded. “Then you must also know whether they would be trusted allies to the Earth King.”

Still not getting her point, you frowned while you searched for all the information you had about the Kyoshi Warriors in your memory. “As far as I know, these girls are an elite order of female warriors with no official loyalty to any nation – they just care about protecting their homeland.” Placing your hand under your chin, you dove deeper into your thoughts. “However, considering Kyoshi Island is formally part of Earth Kingdom, I can imagine they could arrange an audience with the Earth King without much difficulty.”

A satisfied smile formed on Azula’s lips. “Excellent,” she said as she pulled you behind herself into the tank train. “I guess the kimono of their leader should fit me – what do you say?”

[Time Skip]

To your left and right were guards in Earth Kingdom uniform, they all stood in a single line without letting their gaze leave you and the others. You didn’t remember feeling that observed your whole life and the feeling wasn’t exactly pleasant. It made you aware of every little thing your body did – from breathing to winking to the sweat forming on the nape of your neck.

Following the footsteps of the warrior in front of you, you realised how faster your heart started to beat as you came closer and closer to the Earth King.

“In our hour of need, it is with the highest honour that I welcome our esteemed allies, the Kyoshi Warriors!” The Earth King announced with great joy in his voice as you bowed down in front of him, just like the others.

The warrior in front of you raised her head to look at the Earth King. You and the other two girls followed her lead.

“We are the Earth King’s humble servants.” Azula spoke with an evil spark in her amber eyes.

#prince zuko #atla zuko #zuko x reader #the last airbender #avatar the last airbender #princess azula #zuko #zuko x oc

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morganski-19 · 2 days

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I Don't Know Which Way's Home

Chapter 17: Repair

ao3 link, Part 1, Part 16

March 1986

The news has been replaying the same story all day. It should be shocking, sort of is, but Julie’s kind of numb to it at this point. Each year, like clockwork, something big happens. Something this small town hasn’t faced in decades. A kid missing, turned up dead, just to be found alive again. A government laboratory had a gas leak that caused the death of many more people. The mall catches on fire causing a mass casualty. Now this.

She was awoken by sirens this morning. Ruined what was supposed to be a day where she slept till noon. It was spring break; she was allowed to be lazy. But instead, the spring break was wrapped up by police tape. The cause of a whole new type of stress.

Beloved student of Hawkins High School, Crissy Cunningham, found dead in the Munson’s trailer. Eddie Munson, the prime suspect, still at large. The body, found by Wayne Munson, a hard-working man of the community, is disfigured beyond belief. The police don’t have enough evidence to make a statement. But are advising the public to be aware and alert the police of any suspicious behavior.

Julie doesn’t know Eddie that well. They’ve only been neighbors, acquaintances. Sure, he drove her to school a few times. Made sure that she got there safely and was an ear when she needed to rant. But that didn’t make them friends. That didn’t make them close.

It didn’t take an idiot to see that Eddie wasn’t as big as scary as he was chalked up to see. Unfortunately, this town was full of idiots. Ready to point their fingers to the person the papers blame. Since they were already so influenced that metal music was from the devil and all dungeons and dragon’s players were Satan worshippers. It only took one headline for them to believe that. What’s stopping them from believing it now?

The evidence is damning. Wayne worked last night so it can’t be him. Multiple witnesses saw Chrissy leave with Eddie after the game last night. He is a known drug dealer, which most people would say is a step away from murder. His van was heard by the entire trailer park at both their entrance and his exit.

But there was one thing that Julie’s not sure anyone really heard. His screams.

Trailer parks are a hive for nosy neighbors fueled by the powers of thin walls. Lots of open air for noise to travel. It was nice outside last night, so Julie sat out on their little porch with a book. Peacefully reading.

Until Eddie pulled up with music blaring out the windows. Slamming on the breaks before he crashes straight into his own trailer. Right before the queen herself gets out of the car and walks right through his front door.

Julie says she’s better than gossip, but this she just had to know. Had to witness. Two people who never interact, going into an empty trailer. A recipe for disaster.

And disaster it was. Not long after, Julie can hear some yelling from the trailer. Something about waking up. Chrissy not being able to hear Eddie. It just increasing in volume until it devolves into a terrified scream. Then Eddie runs out of his trailer, gets into his van, and speeds away.

Julie doesn’t know a lot about how murderers act, but she can guess they don’t normally scream while killing their victims. That’s a pretty obvious sign that something’s wrong. But the police just brush her off when she tells them. The arrest has already written itself.

. . .

Present Day, April 1987

It’s been almost two full weeks since Steve and Julie moved into the new house, and Steve still feels off about it all. About taking the next step in the case. Passing the point of no return.

Steve doesn’t know what to do. It’s like he’s being backing into a corner. On the one hand, he could drop this and make himself a fool to his parents, to his friends, probably a good bit of the town. Or he can go through with it just to drag up his baggage all over again. Feel like shit all over again.

He doesn’t know what to do.

Then there’s all the other stuff. The looming piles of bills in his future, the fact that they still don’t have a couch. That Steve still doesn’t have a proper mattress. And the fridge is getting kind of empty, so he needs to go shopping soon.

These are new worries for him. Making a strict budget and making sure it’s enforced. Saying no to the kids when they want something, forcing Robin and Eddie to pay their share of the meals when they go out. Even though it was really always him ensuring he was alright paying the bill. Making small stacks of coupons and waiting deals to show up in the paper. It’s a lot.

Steve’s never been poor before. Not to say that he is now. Well, he kind of is. He has a good bit of debt because of this loan and lost a large chunk, most, of his savings to buying this house and the initial furniture. Paychecks are split between bills, food, Julie, savings, and then him. He’s the last on his list of priorities.

It’s all bringing up more issues, as if it already wasn’t enough. He’s always been the friend that picks up everyone’s tab. Pays for the check, the parties, the supplies, the fancy gifts. It’s all been from his money. His dad’s money. Which he doesn’t have anymore.

He knows it’s stupid to think that the friends he has now would care about that. Just because his old friends definitely would have. But these guys, they care more about the money. About the name. What Steve can give them.

Sometimes, it just doesn’t feel like it.

Steve’s always been a giver. It felt wrong to keep what he had just to himself. He never took, just gave. What would he be when there was nothing left to give?

Julie shuts the door just a hair away from a slam when she gets home. Giving her bedroom door a harsher treatment. It squeaks all the way shut. He’s been meaning to fix that, hasn’t gotten around to it yet.

She’s been like this ever since they moved. Her demeanor shifting almost immediately. At first, he chalked it up to the stress, having a new place that didn’t feel right. The change uncomfortably itching beneath the skin.

But after a week went by and it was the same thing every day, he knew something was up.

He walks over to her door, knocking lightly.

“What,” Julie yells through the door.

Steve’s taken aback. “How was school?” he asks calmly.

She whips the door open. “Fine,” she huffs. “That all?”

“You ok?” he asks as if the question didn’t answer itself already.

“Yeah,” Julie rolls her eyes. “I’m fine.”

Steve crosses his arms. “You sure? Cause to me it seems like you’re upset about something. You know you can talk to me about this stuff.”

“Whatever.” Julie slams the door in his face.

It takes all Steve has to not rip the door open and give a whole lecture on how rude that was. To restrain himself from stepping into old shoes. To react differently than his father would have. Come back when the moment dies down and the anger stops bubbling. To be better. To be him.

Whatever he is at the moment.

. . .

Julie tears another piece of paper out of her notebook. Crumpling it in her hands and throwing it across the room, watching it miss the trashcan. Landing next to the other balls of paper. Each one being more wrong than the last.

She should be doing homework. There’s an essay due for her English class in a few days and she hasn’t gotten around to writing it. Too busy with the move, then the adjusting. Now this. The same thoughts over and over again in her mind. All of them screaming that this can’t be happening right now.

Every time Julie thinks she can have any sort of break, another thing comes along just to punch her down again. Her mom died, then she moved, then she moved again, then she started getting better but that’s this whole other thing, then she gets kicked out, moves again. Now she has a crush on one of her best friends. What a great fucking life this is.

Julie tugs at the roots of her hair, pushing her fingers under the tightness of her braid. Hoping if she squeezes long enough, the unwanted thoughts will just leave. She’ll be able to think of a theme in the Catcher in the Rye that speaks to her enough to get five pages out of. Be able to write enough in her stupid notebook that makes sense. Get her grades back to where they were before and her life back together again.

Falling apart is a tune run dry and Julie’s tired of playing it. All she wants to do is go back to being normal. Like she was a year ago. Happy, kinda pissed at the world in different ways, but happy. Where there was something that didn’t quite make sense with the way she felt about girls, but it was easy to brush it all off. And her mom came home smelling like syrup and bacon grease instead of alcohol. Her knew sobriety chip kept proudly in the pocket of her apron. Constantly reminding her what the tips really needed to be spent on.

Life was good. It was normal. It was everything. Julie misses everything.

She misses the way the house always smelled a little stale and like mildew. The flowery candle her mom burned doing nothing to cover it up. She misses the way she would trip on the pile of shoes by the door. And how the singular hook on the wall would always drop her coat so much she started to throw it over a chair. How the kitchen would always be a little bit messy, and there would be dishes in the sink and pots on the stove. The couch that had it’s built in divot made by someone else with cushions that were squished beyond compare. Doors that fell off hinges every year or so and the sounds of the radio flowing through the walls.

All of it aches in her heart the more she moves on. The more she grows away from the place she called home. Having to keep retracing it all in her mind so she won’t forget it. Hold her mom’s sweatshirt close to her nose and pray to smell her cheap perfume again. But all that’s there is Julie. All there is left is Julie.

Julie is the only thing left of her mom other than the picture sitting on her desk. Which sucks for so many reasons she can’t find the words to explain. Mainly because looking in the mirror gets harder. Each time looking a little less like herself than the day before. Not quite knowing who she is anymore.

Reflections almost heighten to the imperfections on Julie’s face. The darkness underneath her eyes, the red dots forming on her chin and forehead. The fakeness of her smile, the way it can’t seem to reach her eyes quite right. Growing into a face that lost its childhood. Fighting to keep all she can of what’s left.

Growing up was always going to be hard. Slowly seeing herself morph away from childhood dreams and expectations. Having them crushed by the cruel realities of the world. Having memories trapped in confines of the mind that can’t seem to be open again. Becoming someone is hard in a normal life, let alone one with as many hurdles as Julie’s.

Julie can’t even begin to fathom what she would say to herself half a year ago, five years ago. How could she crush that little girl’s dreams right before her eyes. Witnessing the pain from the outside rather than the in. Tell her that there would be no princess wedding, or even one at all. That her mom wouldn’t even be there if she could. Gone far too soon. She left Julie far too soon.

Childhood isn’t missed until it’s stripped away. Until it can never return. For what its worst, Julie’s mom made sure she had it for as long as possible. Before the inevitable kicked in and took it away for her.

Now Julie’s filled with hate again. At herself. At Steve for trying. At him for not being who she wants on the other side of the door. A constant reminder that this good thing could only come once her mom was gone. Finally, a house, but without the mother to make it a home.

It’s not fair to blame him, she knows that. Can hear the upcoming words of her therapist as she relays this all to him in the next session. How she’s placing Steve in a box that he was never meant to fill. Just because the emptiness was too crushing to face in whole.

Giving up on the homework, Julie lies on her bed. The new mattress smell still seeping through the covers. She takes her Walkman and presses play on whatever’s in there. Noise blasting through her ears, loud enough to hopefully cover these thoughts. She grabs a pillow, wanting to squeeze something close to her chest. All of her childhood stuffed animals gone with the first move. Another piece of her that is forever lost.

The tears start to form, and Julie lets them fall.

. . .

The next day doesn’t seem to be any better. She insists on biking to school today. Doesn’t really make it a choice as she hoes straight from her room to the door. Without saying as much as a goodbye.

Steve doesn’t push. Thinks it would be best after the outburst yesterday.

The last time Julie acted like this was her mom’s birthday. Where she was hurting so bad that she decided to hit at the closest target. If that’s what she needs to do again, he’d be happy to take it all. Hold some of the hurt so she didn’t have too anymore. Distract him from his own hurt at the moment.

It’s so bad that she forgets her lunch on the counter. Even though it would probably have ended in the garbage. Like how last night’s dinner landed right into a container to be revisited later. Still sitting in the fridge when Steve went to make breakfast this morning.

He’s not quite sure the last time she’s eaten more than half her plate. Too busy with his own stuff to notice her dip back in her progress. Kicking himself that he didn’t see it all sooner. That it took for her slamming a door in his face to understand how bad it had really gotten. Not like he could have stopped it. But it might have helped.

“That conversation you had with Julie while me and Eddie were out getting the pizza,” Steve says while explaining the situation to Robin. “Was that about her mom? About the move?”

Robin takes a second to think. Physically stopping and starting her movements a few times before speaking. “No, it was about something else.”

Something else. Steve didn’t know about a something else. “Was it because of me?”

“No, no. It was just something really private that she wanted to talk to me about. I would tell you but it’s really not my place to.”

Steve ignores the alarm bell ringing in his head. She’ll tell him about it, whatever it is, when she’s ready. “But you would if you thought it had anything to do with the way she’s acting.”

Robin shrugs. “It depends. If I thought, it would help. But honestly,” she takes a deep breath. “I think telling you about it might make it a million times worse.”

“Make what a million times worse?” Eddie asks after walking in. Sliding into his designated spot at Steve’s side and placing a kiss to the side of his head.

Robin rolls her eyes. “You guys can’t be this happy while Nancy’s away at school.”

“Oh boohoo.” Eddie sticks out his tongue.

“I thought you had work today?” Steve asks Eddie.

He shrugs. “I’m sick.”

“You’re going to be jobless if you keep calling out for no damn reason,” Robin chastises.

“Well clearly, I was needed elsewhere because there is a situation that needs dealing with. Make what worse? By a million times?”

Robin rolls her eyes again, gesturing Steve to fill Eddie in on the situation.

“Julie’s hitting a low point again, she slammed a door in my face yesterday.”

“Do you think it’s about her mom?” Eddie gets a soda out of the fridge and sits on the countertop.

It could be. One of the first things Julie said when she saw the house was how it reminded her or her mom. How a place like this was all her mom ever wanted for the two of them. That had to drag up some feelings. Especially since they were now living here.

Steve shrugs. “It could be. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was.”

But there was something else. Either the thing she talked about with Robin or him pushing yesterday. Something going on in school. Anything.

There were so many places to mess up. For Steve to fuck up something that didn’t just involve him. He’s bad at dealing with things. Pretending his problems don’t exist so he doesn’t have to think about them. Or lashing out just to feel more powerful than them.

Steve just didn’t want Julie to feel like she had to keep it in. That she had to keep the war in her mind because no one cared enough to listen. Or that she would burden him just for talking to him about it. He wanted her to be better than himself. Maybe that was too high of an expectation to have.

“Just talk to her about it,” Robin says softly. “She’s always come around to telling you how she feels. She just needed to blow off a little steam, that’s all.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Maybe was a lot of things right now. None of them made Steve feel any better.

“Hey,” Eddie kicks Steve gently. “What’s really going on? Other than the Julie thing?”

“It’d be easier to say what isn’t going on than what is?” Steve pulls out one of the metal folding chairs from their makeshift kitchen/dining table and sits down. It squeaks under his weight, proving his point for him. “Maybe I bit off more than I can chew.”

Robin pulls out the chair next to him. “You did what you had to. It just happened to be very overwhelming.”

“I’m not talking about that. Well, I am but not really. It’s just,” Steve takes a deep breath. “This case. If I’m still going through with it. It’s just adding more to the pile and I’m now realizing I didn’t really think it through as much as I should’ve.”

“What do you mean,” Eddie interrupts. “You seemed liked you thought it over a lot, actually. Had evidence all laid out, contacted people, got witness statements. People to testify. Had multiple people who know their shit tell you that this was a good case. You checked off all the boxes.”

“Yeah, sure. But I don’t think I’d realized at the time that I might be going to court twice in a short amount of time.”

Steve asked Sarah a few weeks ago what it would take to make him the permanent guardian for Julie. Maybe even adopting her. If that’s what she wanted, he hasn’t brought that specifically up yet. Sarah mentioned something about permanent guardianship, since Julie’s only a year away from becoming an adult.

But no matter what, it probably leads to presenting his case before a judge. Having them make the final decision. With all the things that have happened in the past few weeks, and Sarah pulling some strings she shouldn’t have, the risk of relocation raised a bit. Making this permanent would get rid of the risk. Neither of them would have to worry about this anymore.

“Wait, twice,” Robin questions.

“Yeah, once for this case against my parents, twice to get permanent custody of Julie.”

“Is that something you guys have talked about?”

Steve shrugs. “A bit. She definitely wants to stay with me long term, and I said I’d start asking about the options. I just haven’t talked to her about which one she would prefer, since she’s got less than a year before she turns eighteen. Most of them involve at least going in front of a judge to prove that I have the means to care for her until she’s an adult.”

“And if this case falls through, it might look bad on you,” Eddie connects the dots.

“Exactly. And I’ll have to pay all the legal fees out of my own pocket where I would have gotten that back from the money I won.”

Then there was the reason for doing this all in the first place, getting them to understand what they did to him. How he was affected because of their neglect. Would they even listen? Would this change anything? Would this all just become another story to tell their friends?

They would go around telling their friends how much of a disappointment he is. How he is ungrateful of everything they’ve done for him. How he wouldn’t even be here without them. As if that makes up for the fact that they were never around.

Creating someone doesn’t immediately garner respect. It still has to be earned. Each time he was left, his respect, his love for his parents shrunk. Now all that is left is a sliver so small, yet it still feels like a mountain. Still crushing him.

He doesn’t want to be crushed by it anymore.

Steve gets up, goes to his room and pulls out all of the evidence he’s built. The entire case against his parents laid in a binder. Copies of bank and credit card statements. Highlighted lines of hotel stays and flights books. Lined up with dates that Steve could recall they missed. Birthdays and holidays lost. Memories begged to be made. Years gone.

Statements of the many nannies that he had. Each confirming their own payments, the lengths of their stays. Empty cards filled with not even the signature of their names. Cursive congratulations and happy birthdays printed instead. Hospital records that show his own signature on the discharge form. Mrs. Henderson’s name on the contact form since his parents couldn’t care to show up.

It was enough, it had to be.

He brings it out to the kitchen, laying it all out on the table. Asking Robin and Eddie to go through it. Tell him if they think it would be enough.

Witnesses, one of them asks. Steve could think of a few. One of the nannies had offered when he asked. She would still do it. Hopper said he would not only be a character witness, but also get the records for that one house party he broke up where Steve was caught underage drinking. How he had to drive him home, his parents nowhere to be seen. Nancy probably would too. She could tell the courts how she knew his parents were never home, even if he was seventeen.

It is enough.

Eddie grabs Steve’s hand. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

Robin grabs his other hand. “If this would be too much, no one would blame you for walking away.”

Here in this small kitchen with old cabinets with squeaky hinges and tile that he absolutely hates. In a house that he bought on his own, for the family that he made, it’s finally starting to feel like a home.

The walls were never what made it empty. The unopened rooms and unused furniture. It was the energy that never flowed through the doors that made it devoid of all life. Sucking what it could from the person in it to make up for the loss. Now, as people come and go, as Steve and Julie live here, the house feels full.

With these people by his side that showed up by surprise. Chose him for whatever reason that he might never understand. But circumstances led them to each other, and they don’t leave. Even when he tried. Gave them the opportunity to. Yet, they stayed. Every. Single. Time. They helped him learn what home should feel like.

Steve is enough. He always was.

“I want to do this,” Steve says without a doubt in his voice. “Even if they still won’t believe it, or be pissed at me for the rest of their life. I want to show up to the court with rows of people behind me, while their side is empty. Show them the real thing they lost was me.”

. . .

When Julie gets home, she goes right to her room. Ignoring the happy mood Steve is in. Ignores the fact that she saw Eddie’s van drive down the street as she was biking home from school. Ignores the slight rumbles in her stomach and the ache in her legs. Lets her body fall limp onto her bed after her bag slips off her shoulder. Filled with work that won’t get done. Marked with a big red “F” when she turns them in blank.

Just adding on to how Julie is already feeling.

What would her mom say to her? Her daughter’s grade dipping. Another new home. Not eating. Slamming doors in the face of the one person who was beside her during all of this.

Liking girls.

She would pull some of her mom wisdom out of her ass for some of it. Not really helping or making much sense, but it worked out in the end. Julie always ended up figuring out something. Got better after some time and picked herself up again. Kept moving.

Time just keeps moving. It’s endless and doesn’t stop. Forcing all to move along with it. Whether they want to or not. Even when life gets in the way and forces them to stop. To become stuck. Julie feels stuck again. Did for a long time. It was easy to become stuck when there was security blanketed around her.

Julie doesn’t really feel like time moved as fast as it did. How it was six months, almost seven since her mom died. And Julie still feels like it was yesterday sometimes. Especially right now. Transported back to the day the police officers knocked on her door. Took her away. When she was frozen, but kept moving. Had to keep moving.

She doesn’t have to keep moving anymore. There’s no goal anymore. No checkmark in her progress or hurdle she has to jump over. Just a pile of tasks that are too overwhelming to acknowledge or unpack. So she lets them pile up. They aren’t important right now.

Julie winces when she tugs off a scab on her thumb. Starting the bleeding all over again. With a deep breath, she forces herself off the bed and to the bathroom. Digging for the first aid kit under the sink for another band aid. Ignoring her reflection in the mirror. The greasy strands of hair pulled back into a French braid. The dark circles around her eyes. That person isn’t her anymore.

Julie isn’t Julie right now. She’s something else. Unrecognizable. To herself. To her mom. To anyone.

“Hey, Julie,” Steve says before she can escape back to her room.

She takes another deep breath, ready to push him away again. Not ready for a talk. “What?” she asks, too tired to even sound pissed.

Steve holds out the phone. “Phone for you.”

Julie presses her lips together, taking the phone and holding it closer to her ear. Curling around herself. “Hello.”

“Julie, it is me, El.”

Great. “Hey, El. What’s up?” Julie tries to feign excitement. Terrified at the brief flutter of her heart that spawned by the sound of El’s voice.

“I realized I never got around to asking you this at lunch, but are you free next Friday?”

“Uh, I think so. I’ll have to double check.” No, she won’t. She doesn’t have anything going on, just wants to seem like she does.

“Would you like to come over for a sleepover? I know we just kind of had one, but I want a better one. And then Max can be there too.”

Julie doesn’t want a sleepover. Well, she does, but not one with Max. Because it would be Max and El on the bed. Because why would they make the girl in the wheelchair with chronic pain sleep on the air mattress on the floor. That’s rude and stupid. And it’s El’s room, so she would also be in the bed.

Meaning that Julie would be alone on the floor while her two friends share a bed. Which normally wouldn’t be a problem. Normally she wouldn’t care. But now she does. Because she knows what it’s like to sleep in the same bed as El and the midnight talks that are kind of really serious but also really nice. The nervousness that creeps under her skin every time El’s eyes meet hers. The pounding of her heart as she tries to get a singular word out.

But she can’t say no. Can’t see the disappointment in El’s face or hear it in her voice. Would rather be there, suffering in silence, than miss out on time with her friends. Which she would enjoy for a majority of it, and could kind of need right now.

“Sure,” Julie says. “If I’m free and everything.”

She wishes she sounded more excited, but she can’t.

“Yay. Let me know as soon as possible if you are free. I will see you at school tomorrow.”

Julie’s slight smile drops. “Yeah, tomorrow. Talk to you later.”

The phone clicks onto the receiver as tears start to spring to Julie’s eyes. For reasons she doesn’t really know why but feels deep inside her chest. A pain she’s never felt. Crushing. Terrifying. A tear rolls down her cheek as she runs to her room, wiping it away quickly so Steve doesn’t see.

But he sees.

“Hey, are you ok?” he asks as Julie crosses into her bedroom.

“Just leave me alone,” she yells with a sob, slamming her door. Right in his worried face.

She can’t even make it to her bed before she falls. Slamming her back into the door and pulling her knees close to her chest. Wet patches forming on her knees. Breathing in stutter breaths just to let them out as broken sobs. Trying to pull herself together. Trying to keep it quiet. Knowing Steve is right behind the door, wondering what he can do.

What Julie’s feeling can’t be fixed. No matter what she tries. No matter how hard she tries. She can’t be normal anymore.

A slip of paper gets slid under the door next to her. After the sobs start to slow and Julie can see things again. She picks it up, unfolding it.

When you’re ready to talk about it, I’m here.

All it does is start Julie’s sobs again. How could she have been so lucky to have someone so understanding waiting for her outside the door? When her life went to shit. When things just keep going to shit. He’s still there. Even when she slams doors in his face and uprooted his entire life.

Without even blinking, he’s still there.

“Steve,” she says to her empty room when the tears slow. Hoping he can hear.

“Yeah,” the answer comes from the other side of the door.

Julie lets out a wet laugh. “When you said you were waiting, I didn’t think it’d be right outside the door.”

“Well, technically, it’s right next to your door. Only since I slid the note, though. I gave you space for a bit.”

Her knees fall to the ground, hands falling in her lap. Resuming the picking of her unbandaged thumb. “I appreciate that.”

A beat of silence. “You’re talking to me again. Does that mean you want to talk about it?”

“Maybe, I’m not sure.” She takes a shaky breath. “I’m not sure how to talk about it.”

“That’s ok. Do you want to wait to talk about it, see if you can find the words later?”

Her head gently bangs against the door. Mind racing to find the words. To say something so he can find the solution for her and the pain can go away. But it all leads to a question so unfathomable that she can’t even bear to ask it. Gets mad at herself for even thinking about it.

She does though. Over and over again. Her mind finding answers she doesn’t like. Doesn’t want to believe were a possibility. Truth is, she will never have an answer to that question. No matter how hard she searches for one. The one person who can give it isn’t here anymore. Leaving an uncertainty that would weigh over her head forever.

“I’m sorry,” Julie says instead. Apologizing for the things she can instead of searching for what she can’t. “For slamming the door in your face.”

“You can slam the door in my face as many times as you need to. Just as long as you agree to talk to me about it, when you’re ready to. I may not always follow my own rules, but it’s better to talk about things before they start to build up.”

Julie wipes away the stray tear rolling down her cheek. Moving to pick at the strands of her jeans so she doesn’t need another band aid. “I think this has been building up for a while now. I just didn’t know it was there.”

There’s silence across the door for a minute or two.

“You know what I kind of really want right now, chocolate chip cookies,” Steve says suddenly.

It’s so random that is makes Julie laugh. “What?”

“Yeah, you know, freshly made, warm chocolate chip cookies. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

Julie smiles. “That actually does sound kind of nice.”

“Great. I’m going to go make some, you can join me if you want.”

She does kind of want to. After taking a deep breath, Julie picks herself off the floor. Wincing at the soreness of her legs from sitting on rough carpet for so long. Opens the door and heads to the kitchen. Steve is pulling out one of the many cookbooks he stole from his parents and turning to a recipe. Starting to grab the different ingredients.

He smiles when Julie searches their cabinets, searching for the mixing bowl they also stole from his parents. Probably thinking he’s had some sort of victory over this. Maybe he has. She’s out of the room, and probably about to eat something. It’s a small victory for the both of them.

The oven takes an eternity to preheat. Leaving the rolled-out cookies on the stovetop. Some of them mysteriously gone missing. Well, not mysteriously, she had a few more than she should. But so did Steve, so it was fine.

When the cookies are finally baked, Steve waits a few minutes before placing some on a plate and bringing them over to the blanket pile that is still acting as a couch. But instead, some of the chairs hold up the blankets, making a small fort.

It reminds her of the ones her mom and her made during thunderstorms. When the trailer would shake with each boom, but not the fort. With soft pillows and flashlight shadow puppet stories. Falling asleep when the thunder was far enough away that it became calming. Paired with the patter of rain on the roof. They were always safe in the fort.

Julie was safe in the fort.

She breaks the cookie in her hand, the warm chocolate smearing across her fingertips. Melting in her mouth as soon as they hit. Giving her the energy to say what she needs to say. What she wants to say.

“You know it was El that called, right.” Julie breaks the cookie again. “Well, of course you know. You’re the one who gave me the phone.”

Steve sits straighter, giving Julie his full attention. “Yeah, I know.”

“She was asking if I was free next Friday, for a sleepover.” Her heart starts racing as the words still stay unsaid. Trapped in her throat, even though she knows he wouldn’t care about them.

“That sounds fun. Did you want to go?”

Julie continues to stare at her hands, unable to look up. “Yeah, I do. It’s just. It’s harder now. Because I think, no, I know that I.” She takes a deep breath. She can do this. “I have a crush. On El.”

Steve takes a second to respond. Keeping the moment tense. Julie can only hear the sound of her own heart beating.

“That would make it harder,” he finally says.

“Yeah,” Julie chokes as the tears start to form again. “Yeah, it really does.”

Steve moves the plate of cookies out from in between them before scooting closer. Reaching out to place a hand on Julie’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s ok.”

“No, it’s not,” Julie stops him before he can try to comfort her. “I hate that I’m like this. It’s terrifying. I don’t want like this to be but I am. And I’m going to screw everything up.”

She pulls her legs up to her chest again, the tears retracing their tracks down her cheeks. Even when she thought the wells had dried, it keeps flowing.

“I know exactly how you feel,” Steve exhales. “I felt the same way when I figured out I liked guys. So much so, that I pushed it down and forgot it for years. Kept pretending that this part of me wasn’t a part of me. Hated myself for it. Pushed that hatred outward toward people who didn’t deserve it. Just because I was so angry with myself that I couldn’t be normal.”

Julie clenches her eyes shut, trying to force the tears to stop flowing. Wanting this hurt to stop.

“There were a lot of factors that made me want to hide who I was, I think. My parents, mostly. My reputation. I was the kid that threw parties and had all the nicknames. Hawkins High School’s poster boy. A Harrington. Any wrong move and I was done for. I didn’t need that wrong move to be dangerous.”

She pulls herself more inward. Wondering if she becomes small enough, the problems will just go away. No longer hunting the prey hiding in the bushes.

“It took a lot for me to realize that I wasn’t-. That I wasn’t broken.” Steve takes a deep breath, clears his throat. “That this part of me was normal. Is normal. Just doesn’t always feel like it in a small town. It took meeting other people like me to realize that this was something I could be and still be happy. And believe me, there’s so much happiness waiting for you.”

“Doesn’t feel like it,” Julie mutters into her knees. “It feels like everything keeps breaking apart over and over again.”

“Yeah, yeah it does.”

Julie lifts her head up, finally turning to look at Steve. “I just don’t want to mess up one of the first friendships I’ve had in years because I can’t stop acting weird around her. I can hate myself all I want, I can’t make her hate me too.”

Steve takes a deep breath, turning himself so he’s facing Julie completely. “And you won’t. El is one of the most loving and forgiving people I have ever met. Well, when she cares about someone. She can be pretty brutal to the people who she doesn’t like, but that’s not the point. El cares about you, she won’t judge you for this.”

“I can get not judging me for the liking girls bit. But liking her?” Julie doesn’t know how that could ever work out in her favor.

“Ok, so this next part doesn’t directly apply to your problem. And I’m not sure if any of this is even helping, but it just feels like it needs to be said and I know he won’t care if I share this for him.” He takes another breath. “But Eddie and I were kind of going through this same problem with each other. Only difference is I knew he was gay, and he didn’t know I was.”

“And the only difference between that situation and this one is that yours was a success story,” Julie says before he can continue. Shocking him. “You two aren’t as good as hiding it as you think you are. I picked it up a while ago.”

Steve snorts. “Yeah, kinda figured. I’m more just trying to say that this thing you’re going through isn’t unique. Hell, half of the people in our group have had that feeling some way or another. And we’re still friends. You’re going to be just fine, trust me.”

Just fine doesn’t exactly sound like anything she wants to be. She’s been just fine for months. It’s kind of shitty. Not feeling like anything important, knowing she should be feeling more but can’t. Moving without really moving through life. Just going from one day to the next, them all blending together. Right up until fine becomes a lie again.

Until something unearths itself in the mind and can no longer be ignored. Brings all of its own problems and piles on top of all the others. Dragging up old baggage with it, only adding to the problem.

Leaving Julie with one more question she’s too afraid to ask.

So much in her life has changed. So much is different now. She’s a new person, one her mom wouldn’t recognize. Overwhelmed by grief. Brought into this large group of people, a giant family. Surrounded by people who are like her. Who show her that this is a life she could have. If she just put enough trust in herself.

If she put enough trust in her mom. And stopped wondering if she would still love Julie the same knowing that she will never marry a man. An answer Julie will never actually get.

Steve reaches out and pulls Julie into a hug. Comforts her the way a brother can, but it doesn’t bring the same comfort that Julie craves.

It’s things like this that makes Julie’s heart ache the most. How she will go through these big life events and never hear the same words of comfort again. Never have her mother’s weight sit on the foot of her bed, telling her it will all be ok. That no matter what, she will always love Julie. Never will stop as long as she lives. And even then, the love will transcend death and continue for infinity.

Nothing can stop infinity. Julie hopes that means nothing will stop her mother’s love either. Even this.

“Sorry for taking your coming out moment away from you,” Julie says after she calmed down. “I know you were waiting to tell me about it.”

Steve shrugs it off. “That’s ok. I was really dragging my feet with telling you, I’ve been ready for a while now, just didn’t know how to bring it up.”

“For what it’s worth, it kind of helped. Made me feel a little better knowing that I’m not alone in this.”

“You’re not alone in anything, Julie. No matter what, there will be people behind you. Whether that’s me, your friends, anyone else lucky enough to meet you.”

She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, whatever. Thanks, though.”

“It’s what I’m here for.”

. . .

The notice from the courthouse comes a week later. Alerting Steve that it’s time to approve the court date. One’s been selected for him, but can be pushed back if he needs it to. But it’s there. It’s real. This is actually happening.

He goes over the evidence again, confirms with Hopper that he can actually witness. Get the files all ready on his end. Then contacts his old nanny and gets talked into coming over for brunch. To catch up and see how he’s doing. Make sure she is what he needs for this case. Which she is. She was the longest one he ever had and was extremely meticulous. Most likely still has her pay stubs after all these years.

The last person he has to call is Nancy. Who doesn’t even know that he’s moved yet. Or that his parents are home.

It’s been a while since he’s called her, obviously, and he’s been avoiding it. Not wanting an earful of her again. But he needs to know when she’s back and if she’ll testify for him. She he dials her number.

“Nancy speaking.”

“Hey, Nance, it’s Steve. I have some things to catch you up on.”

She sighs. “Oh, I know. Robin refused to tell me anything about whatever’s going on. I think it was to force you to call me.”

“Yeah probably.”

After a long conversation and a lecture from Nancy on the importance of phone calls, she agrees to testify on his behalf. As both a character witness and also to back up some of the evidence he has.

Everything’s starting to get put together. Now all there is to do is wait.

Tag list(let me know if you want to be added or removed): @homoerotictangerine, @mugloversonly, @thesuninyaface, @imyelenasexual, @anaibis,

@ilovecupcakesandtea, @brainsteddielyrotted, @jackiemonroe5512, @eddie-munsons-missing-nipple, @goodolefashionedloverboi,

@cinnamon-mushroomabomination, @lolawonsstuff, @writingandmushroomdragons, @stevesbipanic, @sierra-violet,

@steddie-as-they-go, @dauntlessdiva, @mousedetective, @the-daydreamer-in-the-corner, @zombiethingy,

@connected-dots-st-reblogger, @that-agender-from-pluto, @allyricas, @cheddartreets, @devondespresso,

@crypticcorvidinacottage, @queenie-ofthe-void @chronicpainstevetruther, @melonmochi

#stranger things #stranger things fanfic #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #julie lawson #nancy wheeler #el hopper #steddie #long lost/secret sibling #sibling au #i don't know which way's home fic #coming out #internalized homophobia

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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 1 day

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Don't Go Blindly Into the Dark

Summary:

To hide that he can't read, Jan Van Eck has been forcing his son to pretend he's blind since he was eight years old. Wylan is now attending Ketterdam University, and meeting Jesper Fahey may very well be about to change his life. But is he safe to tell Jesper the truth? And what will Jesper say if he does?

Jesper is struggling to weigh up his life in the Barrel and his life at the University of Ketterdam, and there's a good chance that his growing debt is about to make the decision for him. He hasn't attended class consecutively for months, but maybe that will change when his newest project includes partnering up with Wylan Van Eck. But can he really leave the Barrel behind him? And how long can he keep up the pretence of who he thinks Wylan wants him to be?

Tags: @justalunaticfangirl @lunarthecorvus

If anyone else would like to be tagged let me know :)

Content warnings for this chapter: blood, descriptions of wounds, possible gore, veins, weapons, violence, implied past sa references, death, choking, descriptions of dead bodies, a lot of blood, surgery (? - I'm not sure so I'm putting it just in case)

AO3 link

Chapter 19 - Nina

Nina had not been fired. It was about the closest thing to a highlight in her day.

She had no idea what Kaz had said to Feliks and she wasn’t about to try pressuring it out of him; she’d take any win she could get. And the Saints knew she needed a win or two now. She had to coax Inej back to lying down on her flat little pillow, and after a few moments of incomprehensible disagreement had passed between them - Nina in half, slightly confused sentences and Inej mostly in pained groans and attempts to sit back up - Nina pressed her hand against Inej’s forehead and gently calmed her.

“Breathe,” she whispered, speaking Ravkan as she usually did when they were alone, “Just breathe,”

Nina had learnt Suli at the Little Palace but had never had much opportunity to use the language in practice, and although she had spoken it with Inej on occasion she always felt that she wasn’t quite good enough at it to keep pace. As she thought about she supposed she would never get better at it if she never conversed with a native speaker, though then she shook herself free of the ridiculous direction her mind had wandered in.

“I can’t stop the pain completely,” she told Inej, “I can only ease it some,”

A real Healer might be able to do a better job of it, but Nina’s work with emotions at the White Rose helped. She pulled her hand slowly away from Inej and the girl shuddered, closing her eyes for a moment before her gaze flicked up to Nina.

“What happened?”

“Oomen,” Inej breathed, “The Black Tips. Nina…”

She winced, screwing her eyes shut, flinching as though to reach for her leg and then collapsing onto her back again. After a moment and another, denied, offer to alter her tension and her pain, Inej let Nina run her hands over the wounds on her leg. It didn’t feel good. The puncture above her knee Nina had thought she would just be able to knit closed, but the flesh felt tough beneath her fingers and when she applied gentle pressure with her thumb the muscles of Inej’s leg spasmed wildly. She gasped in pain, fists closing tightly over the quilt she was scrunching into her hands.

“Sorry! Sorry,” Nina breathed, leaning away, “It’s damaged the ligament,”

It might be worse than that - Nina couldn’t tell yet. If the ligament was ripped all the way through, Nina may not be a good enough Healer to give Inej her full range of movement back when she sewed the pieces together. Moving up to Inej’s thigh didn’t feel a whole lot better. She was still bleeding but the flow was slowing, and as far as Nina could tell in an initial brush over the internal bleeding wasn’t as bad as the external was. But she couldn’t see the wounds properly yet, and the knife was still sticking out of Inej’s leg. That concerned her too; there would be more blood to come when she removed it and it was so deep into Inej’s leg that only the thinnest slither of metal was still visible, glinting in the sunrise creeping through the window.

“What…” Inej pursed her lips, “What will that mean?”

“It’s gonna hurt like hell whilst I fix it,”

But Nina couldn’t do much until she could see Inej’s wounds properly. She found a blanket and a pair of shears, then stepped outside so that Inej would cut herself out of her trousers and cover herself with the blanket alone, and as she closed the door behind her she was surprised to find Jesper and Kaz just slightly further down the corridor. They weren’t quite shouting at each other but it was definitely an argument, and as Nina approached she saw Kaz’s eyes flashing with something dark in response to something she hadn’t quite overheard.

“I would never-”

“What, Kaz?” Jesper hissed, “Because I don’t know where you draw the line, and neither does she. There is nothing that we can safely believe you would never do and if you let her think that-”

“What are you doing?” asked Kaz, suddenly looking up at Nina.

Jesper turned to see her, his cheeks glowing, breathing hard.

“I need to know what happened,”

“I didn’t see,” said Jesper, “By the time I got back she was already injured,”

“Who was it?” growled Kaz.

“Why do you care? So you can make them pay you back for the money you might lose on her?”

“Jes-” Nina tried, but fell quiet as quickly as she’d started.

“What would you do, Kaz? If she couldn’t be the Wraith, anymore?”

There was a brief moment of silence. Kaz’s flat, shark-like glare flicked briefly between them, and then he turned sharply and began to march away. The clacking of his cane against the creaky old floorboards shrank away into the sounds of the house, and Jesper breathed loudly.

“He wouldn’t -”

“You weren’t here, Nina,” he said, shaking his head, “You didn’t see her when - when she first got out of that place, I don’t -” Jesper ran a hand over his face, “Does he not see what he’s doing? He can’t make her feel like that again,”

Nina breathed. She didn’t think Kaz would ever do anything to hurt Inej, but she also knew that nothing she or Jesper could say would make Inej feel any safer. What else could she do? Pray to Saints she didn’t believe in for the power to fix Inej’s knee well enough that the Wraith could still do her job was starting to look like the last remaining option. She knocked on the door and Inej called her inside.

“I’m going to have to take the knife out,” she said, slowly, “I can knock you unconscious whilst I do it, if you want, but-”

“No,”

Inej shook her head.

“Okay,” Nina nodded, slowly, “You might want something to bite,”

The fabric in between Inej’s teeth did little to dampen her screaming, but that came later. First, Nina closed what she could of closing the other puncture wounds around the knife, closing the skin where there wasn’t internal bleeding and trying to mop up what she could of the blood with a damp cloth so she could actually differentiate the problems from the congealing masses of crimson. There was so much blood. Inej must be close to passing out - she had definitely paled, and Nina thought the knife coming out might be the final straw.

“Tell me about the job,” she said, doing her best to keep Inej talking, “What were you doing?”

“We…” Inej hissed a sharp intake of breath, “We were there for Wylan,”

“Kaz is still going after Wylan?”

“Change of plans,” Inej managed, gripping the duvet again, “I don’t… really know what he wanted originally, but Jesper -” she broke to groan as Nina tugged hard to manipulate her flesh.

“Jesper…?”

“Jesper convinced him Wylan would be able to do demo. He realised something was… something was off, about Wylan’s father. Turns out this whole music school thing is a trick to-”

Nina winced, because she knew that gasp of pain had been her fault. She’d applied slightly too much pressure.

“Sorry,” she said, but Inej only shook her head, “Keep talking,”

“It’s a hit,”

Inej’s voice was drooping into a mumble and Nina had to make her repeat herself to be sure she’d heard right.

“It’s a hit?”

“Van Eck wants his son dead,” Inej confirmed, “I didn’t have time to find out why,”

Nina shook her head - but she didn’t have time to dwell on it for too long. She found some fabric for Inej to bite down on, and swallowed hard as she placed her hands either side of the knife handle.

She had to make quick work of things when she drew the blade free. The femoral vein was buried somewhere deep within the muscle of Inej’s thigh and though Nina couldn’t feel any perforations when she reached out with her power she didn’t trust her judgement as well as she would a Healer’s. She’d have to Heal Inej from the inside out - and quickly. Inej’s scream was still echoing as the knife clattered to the floor, dripping blood onto the wooden boards, and Nina’s fingers began to dance to a tune nobody else could hear. She felt Inej’s pulse change and knew she’d fainted from the pain, but she was coming around again within a few seconds. Nina worked as quickly as she could and Inej’s taut muscle responded about as well as she could hope, but in the back of her mind she was still more concerned about her knee.

“Nina…”

She looked up, fingers hovering in place over half-closed skin and the throbbing flesh beneath.

“I can’t… Can you make me sleep? Please?”

“Of course,” Nina drew her fingers sharply towards herself to finish the motion she was partway through, then leaned away.

Her hands were covered in blood and she tried to wipe as much of it off in the little water basin and along the cloth she’d brought in with her, but both of them had long since turned a murky red. She shook the excess water off her hands. It didn’t take long to settle Inej into sleep and suddenly the room felt very empty, very cold. Nina breathed, listening to the ever-present cacophony downstairs without really managing to hear any individual conversations, just the edge of the odd word.

“- still?”

“...owes me, don’t…”

“- tell you!”

“- Leopard,”

Nina shivered. She’d heard what had happened to the girl who wore the Leopard cape at the Menagerie when she got back today - no, not today, yesterday morning. Dawn was well on its way now, and Nina needed to shake off this tiredness and keep her focus on Inej. She worked steadily, but her mind drifted back to what Adrian and Petra had told her. Nina had heard a girl went missing from the Menagerie around the same time she and Inej started the botched university job, but she hadn’t heard who it was or any further details. Apparently she’d been discovered in the dark hours of early morning, left lying half-dressed on the steps of the Menagerie with extensive bruises around her throat.

“Maybe she tried to run,” said Petra, “and the Peacock caught her,”

Adrian shook his head.

“She was gone two full weeks. That’s gotta be long enough to get away if she ran on purpose,”

Nina wasn’t quite listening by that point. She hadn’t known until now which of the Menagerie’s girls had vanished. But it was her, the Leopard, the girl Nina had watched from across the canal two weeks ago as she sat up on one of the ugly sofas and slipped her hand into that of a red-caped Mr Crimson. Nina had seen her, watched her. And now she was gone. She didn’t know why it was quite this gutting, but Nina felt like her insides were being scraped right of her. She had seen her. Right before she disappeared.

Not disappeared. Disappeared was too passive. It made it sound like there wasn’t somebody to blame.

Nina stayed in Inej’s room for a long time after she’d patched up her leg. She’d done her best to fix the ligament in her knee and she thought it felt smooth enough, but there would be no real telling until Inej tried to use it again, and though the flesh on her thigh was still tender the skin was closed and the wounds didn’t seem to be bruising beyond what Nina had already cleared up around the exit point of the knife, but Inej had lost a lot of blood and Nina didn’t know what she was supposed to do about that. Still, Inej had not passed out from blood loss. She’d fainted from the pain but that was normal, and she was only unconscious now because Nina had put her that way. Yet somehow she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was doing something wrong. She didn’t know enough to do this right, her cut-short education was finally failing her. She imagined the smug look on Zoya’s face at the knowledge that she was right, that Nina should not have been sent out early no matter how much she begged.

“Congratulations,” she muttered drily to the dark, as she knelt to pick up the discarded knife, “You were right once again,”

She wiped the excess of Inej’s blood off the blade, thinking she could do her best to get some of it off the floor though she’d probably need ammonia to clean it properly, and realised that there was a small engraving on the metal. It was a little hard to see and even as she rubbed the cloth over it she knew it was all but futile without proper cleaning supplies because the blood had seeped into the design and dyed it red, but it seemed to be a single rose blooming along the base of the metal. Nina ran her finger over it for a moment, then stood and placed it on the side. She gently pulled Inej’s boots off, placed some folded clothes at the end of the bed to prop her feet up in vague hopes of keeping blood flow consistent and healthy, and gently pulled the folded corner of the blanket down over Inej’s injured leg before she left the room and closed the door behind her.

She would wash her hands properly, she would get some water, she would get something to eat. Then she would come back and sit with Inej until she woke up, and hope that she had done enough.

Jesper waved her over as soon as she stepped downstairs, and she scrambled a little through the crowd to reach him. No-one in this place would look twice at her for being covered in blood, but the hem of her right sleeve had now begun to actively drip so she decided this conversation would be a short one before she hurried off to soak her arms in soap and warm water. She also definitely needed to wash them before she ate anything, and Nina was famished.

“How is she?”

“Doing pretty well,” said Nina, gratefully accepting the drink Jesper offered her and not really caring when she smeared blood onto the glass, “She’s asleep now - I’ll go back in a minute, but I just-”

She was cut off by someone calling Jesper’s name, and both of them turned to see the doors open over Anika and Roeder as they hurried inside. For a long moment no-one said anything. Jesper looked back and forth between them, as though in the second he looked away something might have changed, and then eventually:

“Where’s Wylan?”

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tinyq · 1 year

Link

My submission to The Very Weasley Christmas went live last night!

I’m super excited to see everyone else’s work! (And you should be too, so go check it out!)

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Ginny Weasley Characters: Draco Malfoy, Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood, George Weasley, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley Additional Tags: Art, Chaos, holiday bake-off, This Was Supposed To Be A Comic, now it's just chaos, baking accident, Fire, Kisses, Gingerbread House, Quidditch Player Ginny Weasley, Potions Master Draco Malfoy, Healer Draco Malfoy, Hermione cannot bake to save her life, Ron suffers the consequences Summary:

For the third year in a row, Ginny was convinced she was going to win St. Mungo's Annual Holiday Bake-Off (everyone's favourite fundraising event of the year).

And, for a third year in a row, things have not quite gone as planned...

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sgterso · 11 months

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this is a private headcanon i've had for awhile and i've decided to bite the bullet and finally post it ( and hopefully tag it correctly )

given the opportunity during her time in the partisans or soon after, jyn likely would have medically ensured that she wouldn't be able to have children. i'm not going to go into too much detail because this might be triggering but basically, in any verse where this is possible, she doesn't want biological children or to get pregnant, so she ensures that it won't happen. this is a consensual decision and one she doesn't regret over the course of her lifetime. despite that, in any sexual encounters, she does always use proper contraception.

#this is also not because jyn doesn't think she would be a good mother for whatever reason #yes she does have anxieties about that #but i hate the trope where a woman is like 'oh i wouldnt be a good mother'#and then the guy is like 'omg what of course you would!!'#and then that immediately changes her mind and she gets pregnant and all is well #❌❌❌❌ does not happen here ❌❌❌❌#the idea of pregnancy to her seems more like a lack of control #and she doesn't have full control over her body #so its utterly unappealing #also her lifestyle is not one that would be good for a pregnant woman or a child #pregnancy tw #sterilization tw #childbirth tw #please please let me know if anything else should be tagged!!#about. ━ who starts a fire just to let it go out ?

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boasamishipper · 1 year

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[image description: a comparison of luke skywalker in 'the last jedi' to maverick mitchell in 'top gun: maverick'. under a picture of luke, there is a list of traits that read:

old luke:

old and grumpy

nothing like the real luke

gives up on the jedi

ridiculed

refuses to train rey

sad and pathetic

won't fight

dies for nohing

under a picture of maverick, there is a list of traits that read:

old maverick:

older and wiser

same core character

still believes in top gun

respected

trains new pilots

jaded but inspiring

fights despite the odds

puts his life on the line

end id.]

listen i hate rian johnson and the last jedi as much as the next guy but this post Just Ain't It

#top gun: maverick #the last jedi #first of all if you're gonna talk shit about tlj don't compare apples to oranges to prove your point #mav and luke are completely different characters with completely different motivations #'ridiculed' by whom?? exactly?? if anything mav is the one ridiculed he's literally thrown out of the bar by his own students #and cyclone makes a point of saying he wouldn't piss on mav if he was on fire #whereas luke is respected and feared by Everyone in the galaxy #'sad and pathetic' i hate what rian did with luke's history with kylo too but like can you blame luke for being sad??#and how is he pathetic exactly??#'still believes in top gun' what the fuck does this even mean #mav believes in himself and his wingman and his kids Not in the system #'won't fight' luke very much did fight tho?? that was a thing that happened??#he literally astral projected and fought the first order at the cost of his own life??#(yes that was a stupid way for luke to go out but you can't say he didn't fight.)#second of all if you're gonna criticize rian and tlj Do It Right #talk about him completely sidelining all the characters of color in favor of making the white fascist villain more sympathetic #or rey's entire personality narrowing down to 'kylo can be saved!!' literally five canon minutes after kylo killed han #and then tried to kill finn (for which rey almost killed kylo)#or rose teaching finn (a former stormtrooper) about the cruelty of the first order like he didn't know Full Well firsthand??#or the fact that rian was so invested in telling His Story he tossed everything jj gave him in the trash #even tho it threw a wrench into the narrative and everyone's characterizations and thereby fubar'd the sequel trilogy #also you mean to tell me the man who was so kind and forgave darth vader would've been tempted to kill his own nephew (even for a second)?#I Don't Think So #good characterization shat on because rian and kathy kennedy wanted to make kylo the byronic tragic hero or whatever #which is why it's so shocking that rian wrote knives out and glass onion. apparently he Can give characters of color depth.#he just didn't want to for john boyega and kelly marie tran and oscar isaac.#which. again. is why he's on my eternal shitlist.#my stuff #anti rian johnson #tlj critical

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sanchoyo · 1 year

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i start that new job tomorrow 😶 ...

#... im not sure if itll be a full day or just 'more paperwork/general tour/training' tho kinda hopin for maybe like a half day TwT;;#im very nervous and considering taking one of the old anxiety meds i still have #from when i was in therapy. except idk if theyre still in date + they made me feel like a zombie which is why i stopped taking them lol #like i was SO out of it on them. but would that be preferable 2 the feeling of Soon Entering Cardiac Arrest levels of anxiety im having rn?#maybe...#+ going to take a sleeping pill around 10 to make sure i dont stay up all night freaking myself out #jkdkjfhjjk can my brain be normal about this. i havent even started the job yet calm down!!! calm down!!! its ok!!!!#i just feel so bad bc everyone has been rly nice. like 'omg yay u found a chill job w insurance RIGHT before u get kicked off urs thats #great ik youll do well!!' and its like well what if i DONT do well what if i freak out again. and self sabotage. then what. like i KNOW #its bad and i KNOW what i SHOULD be doing but its like herding geese over here in my brain zone. painful and bad and i dont understand why #things happen at all its confusing and frustrating to deal with #logically i know i need a job. i need to pay my debts and start saving and I WANT to move out! but its like that fine dining and breathing #scene from spongebob. brain on fire. lol #sanchoyorambles

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paterday · 1 year

Note

👁👁

You uh getting some ideas for Aura and Omen?

Don’t look at me with those big ol eyes I’m SHY

Here’s an image of. The silly for your troubles

that being said.

#I’m writing this all In the tags #cuz I hate being looked at #so I think I’m going with the idea that omen steals aura and then goes awol(??? is that how you spell that)#ANYWAYS some time before that her brain gets a little bit fucked up #so like the part of her brain that processes information from the eyes is a leetle bit messed up #so she can’t. really see very well even tho her eyes look fine #which causes her to become kinda well known for occasional friendly fire #cuz she just shoots what moves and looks unfriendly shaped #THEN. she is sent with a group to go to this planet and retrieve the aura ai #and she’s the first one to find it #idk what I want to happen here but in some way she gets Aura inside her head #and Auras like hey man ur brain is kinda fuckedup. want me to like. do something about that #so she’s able to give omen back her full vision via managing the signals #nd Omens brain is the only thing keeping her from going full on rampant and exploding (how does this work. fuck if I know I’ll figure it out #later. problem for future me :o) )#ANYWAYS they have this very symbiotic relationship but also it’s like very. codependent #so two fucked up ladies :)#and aura really doesn’t want to die so she’s fine with this whole thing.#her main purpose was to just keep people alive #and she failed that. so she’s gonna try her damn hardest to keep her new human alive #(insert the mind meld fuckery here)#is this deeply embarassing for the me? yes. but I am trying to be so brave about it

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trans-li-ling · 2 years

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I think we should give Zora a gun and whatever happens to the Shadow Decree happens

#dislyte #Listen I'm going to be honest. I like a lot of shadow Decree characters. But also.#Given the chance I would kill them off in story because of how much I hate them.#Mainly the fact a good chunk of them are like. Okay with child murder? Like hello #The union 100% deserves criticism (hi Luo Yan the cop who got fired bc he thought the law was beneath him what's up w u being here) and #Tiye's story is. Whoooo boy. The union definitely has An Interest In Branding #But again. Orphanage burning was A Thing That Happened #And ofc there's the meta view of like... What are the bad guys ideals? Are they only evil bc they're extreme? And I try 2 keep that in mind #But like the Shadow Decree is kinda... Just full of selfish people. Ofc some ppl are more sympathetic but all of them Are Selfish #Honestly Bonnie is like the only one who stands out to me as like... Yeah the union failed her community and she's rightfully mad #Most of the others lost like. One person either to the union or just thought the shadow Decree would let them get revenge and #It's a case by case thing like some of them probably feel like they have nowhere else to go and that's understandable but the initial #Actions they took were selfish and I feel like dislyte puts too much into making the characters surface level sympathetic (Ophelia) rather #Than grappling with if they view themselves as good people or if they're disappointed in themselves or if they don't care #(forgot to say earlier Jiang Jiuli n Jiang Man r valid in hatred though like the union directly fucked them over and it's understandable #That they fucking hate them so like it's more grey)#(also this is why like... Nicole n Cecilia r some of my faves they don't give a shit they just wanna fuck stuff up and I can respect that)#And Catherine is actually well done because she's full of hatred and even if she has soft moments shes just. Mean as hell!#LYNN I love Lynn but girl you know about the orphanage burning right???? Right???????#Anyway how well known is the burning of the union? Iirc it was both the HQ and the Orphanage so do ppl only know abt the HQ or both or????#Anyway the union is flawed but trying unaffiliated espers are similar and the shadow Decree is 90% people who are selfish and toxic and #Really fucking annoying. I fucking hate Ophelia so much you have no idea I want to throw bricks at her.#Anyways Zora is the best character and deserves free therapy and a lifetime supply or tiramisu and a gun #JASPER TRIED TO FUCK W THE UNION WITHOUT JOINING YHE CHILD MURDER ORGINIZATION

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yuutx · 2 months

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ೀ ׅ ۫ . 𝐅𝐔𝐋𝐋 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐊 ! (𝒢𝐸𝒯𝒪 𝒮𝒰𝒢𝒰𝑅𝒰)

geto suguru x f!reader ﾉ 18+ content. ﾉ nsfw + unprotected sex / raw sex ﾉ size kink ﾉ huge size difference ﾉ orgasm denial ﾉ ddlg dynamics ﾉ creampie ﾉ passing out / unconsciousness ﾉ mdom + fsub ﾉ not proofread ! ૮꒰◌´ତ `◌ ꒱ྀིა‎

i dnt know what exactly happened but i must confess that 2day i caught feelings for sugu . . out of the blu . . 4 no reason . . i am hopelessly in love with the geto sugubaby. shbdhn he makes me feel fuzzy, okay ? ! ♡ + ↻ are rlly appreciated ! !

You choked on a hiccup, dewy eyes peering up at him, the tears clinging to your lashes, a few fat drops sliding down your cheeks. Your quivering lips parted to speak, but the words stuck in your throat. It was difficult to focus on anything but the thick, pulsating cock stuffed inside of you. Geto smiled down at you, the expression almost tender, a stark contrast to the lewd way his hips rocked against yours. "Come on, pretty, don't keep quiet." He said, his voice soft and reassuring. "Talk to daddy, tell him what you're feeling." He prompted, his cock throbbing deep inside of you, stretching you open. You let out a pitiful sob, the sound followed by a breathless whine. "I-I'm.. full." You finally managed to choke out, the word sounding foreign, as if it had slipped off your tongue without permission. "Full?" Geto questioned, his brow arching slightly, a hint of amusement flickering in his dark eyes.

He shifted, his cock dragging against your sensitive walls, your body jolting at the sensation. You felt dizzy, drunk off the feeling of his thick shaft spreading you open, the heat from his body emitting through his skin, warming you up. Your limbs trembled, your legs spread wide around his hips, his arms encasing you as he leaned down, his breath ghosting over your skin. "You're not full, baby, you're barely halfway." He chuckled, his lips brushing against your ear. You whimpered, a fresh wave of tears springing to your eyes, a shaky breath escaping you. "I'm n-not…I can't." You whispered, your voice trembling.

Geto shushed you, his fingers digging into your skin, the pressure painful, but somehow soothing. "Of course you can." He murmured, his tone gentle. He kissed the corner of your mouth, his tongue darting out to lap up the saltiness from your tears. You shivered, your hands clutching at the blankets beneath you, trying desperately to steady yourself, but it was a futile effort. You felt like a ragdoll, boneless and pliant beneath his strong frame, his massive cock buried inside of you.

"D-daddy.." You whispered, unable to keep the word from tumbling out of your mouth, your head spinning. You were sure you were going to pass out. Your entire body was tingling, every nerve ending alight, a fire blazing in the pit of your belly, making you feel feverish. "I know, I know. It's so big, isn't it?" You nodded, the movement slow and clumsy, your heart hammering against your ribcage. "You're taking it so well, my sweet girl." Geto cooed, his hips snapping forward, forcing his cock deeper into your cunt.

You cried out, your back arching off the bed, the pain mixing with the pleasure, making you feel delirious with ecstasy. You could feel the tip of his cock nudging against the entrance to your womb, the pressure making you squirm.

"So tight." Geto hummed, his thrusts becoming more insistent, his hands sliding up to grip your hips, holding you still. "Can't believe you can even fit this much of me in here. Daddy's proud, princess.." He chuckled, the sound sending a chill down your spine. Your breath caught in your throat, a small sob bubbling out of you, more tears spilling down your face. It felt like you were drowning, the sensations overwhelming, the feeling of him filling you up, stuffing you so full, so complete, was too much for you to bear. Your entire world was reduced to the way his cock stretched you open, the way his girthy length dragged against your slick inner walls, the way his happy trail brushed against your clit, sending sparks of pleasure dancing through your body.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy.." You babbled, your vision blurring, the sound of his voice fading away. You felt as if you were floating, drifting on a cloud of bliss, every inch of your skin tingling.

Geto hummed, his voice a distant murmur, the words washing over you. You felt weightless, a sense of peace and contentment washing over you, a wave of euphoria crashing over you, drowning you in its intensity.

"I c-can t-take it, I can take it, d-daddy.." You slurred, the words heavy on your tongue, your limbs turning to lead, your eyelids fluttering closed. "Course you can." Geto crooned, his hips rolling against yours, his cock pumping into you, a low moan spilling from his lips. "You're my good girl, aren't you? You were made for this, weren't you? Made for my cock?" And with a final thrust, his length embedded in you completely, your little cunt taking every last inch of him.

You couldn't tell if the darkness behind your eyelids was the result of unconsciousness, or if you were simply too dazed to open them. A dull ache radiated from your hips, your muscles protesting the position. But the pain was secondary, drowned out by the waves of ecstasy that rolled through you, making your limbs go slack.

Your chest rose and fell rapidly, your heart thudding loudly in your ears. You were vaguely aware of a wet, sticky warmth dripping down your thighs, a thick, heady scent filling the air. Geto's scent. His seed. The thought sent a shiver through you, a tiny whine escaping your lips.

"Daddy.." You whispered, reaching a hand out, blindly searching for him. You felt a large, warm hand wrap around yours, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I'm here, pretty. I'm right here." Geto murmured, the smile in his tone audible. You relaxed at the sound of his voice, letting out a contented sigh, allowing your eyes to flutter open, blinking the tears away, finally managing to focus on his face.

He was hovering above you, a lazy grin spread across his features. "Hey there, beautiful." He purred, his free hand reaching up to caress your cheek, wiping away the streaks of wetness. You stared up at him, unable to formulate a response, the words stuck in your throat. His expression softened, his thumb gently brushing against your bottom lip. "My good girl. Such a sweet thing. Taking my cock so well. Such a good, perfect girl." He cooed, his tone almost reverent. You let out a weak, breathy giggle, the praise causing petals to bloom in your chest, a warmth blossoming in your stomach. Your gaze flickered to his face, drinking in his features, a small, shy smile tugging at the corner of your mouth. He smiled back, leaning down to press a soft kiss against your forehead, the gesture sending a jolt through you. You could feel the weight of him bearing down on you, his thick cock still buried inside of you, plugging up your little hole.

You moaned with need, the sound coming out as a breathless plea, your pussy clenching around him, the sensation eliciting a low growl from him. You gasped, arching up, seeking more contact, more friction. He smirked, a devilish glint in his dark eyes, his hips deciding a shallow roll, the tip of his cock brushing against the entrance to your womb. You mewled, bucking against him, grinding against his pelvis, desperate for release. He laughed, the sound rich and deep, the sound reverberating in your core. You whined in response, the noise catching in your throat, the sound turning into a keening cry as the pace of his thrusts picked up, his cock slamming into you, the force of the action causing your head to spin.

You writhed beneath him, your body trembling, a dull ache pulsing through your sore muscles. You could feel his gaze on you, hot and heavy, watching as you came apart, arousal juicing your folds, soaking the bed sheets. "You're such a messy little thing, aren't you?" He hummed, his voice laced with amusement, a hint of pride creeping into his tone. "All wet and dripping. Just for me." He purred, his cock pulsating, twitching inside of you, his fingers digging into your waist, his grip bruising. You could feel yourself unraveling, the coil in the pit of your belly threatening to snap, the pleasure building inside of you, the tension mounting. Your head was swimming, a rush of euphoria flooding your system, the heat pooling in your abdomen. "N-neeed- hic need t-to cum." Your voice cracked, broken words spilling from your mouth, his length driving you to the brink.

"Not yet, pretty. Not until I say so." He growled, his tone laced with a dangerous edge, his thrusts becoming rougher, more urgent. "Gotta be patient, yeah princess? Gotta wait for daddy to fill you up." He hissed, his voice taking on a strained note, his pace faltering, his movements stuttering. His breathing was ragged, his chest heaving, beads of sweat dripping down his brow, his jaw clenching. You could feel his cock pulsating, a tell-tale sign that he was close.

You squirmed, your hands grasping at his biceps, your nails digging into his skin, trying to anchor yourself. He groaned, his eyes squeezing shut, his grip on you tightening. "Fuck.. f-fuck, gonna cum, gonna cum in that pretty pussy of yours.. gonna make a mess of that tight cunt." He grunted, his thrusts becoming erratic, his hips snapping against yours, a desperate, primal hunger taking over.

His cock slammed into you, his tip jabbing against the entrance to your cervix, and finally, finally erupting that sticky, creamy goodness into your aching womb. His cum shot into you in thick, powerful ropes, painting the inside of your cunt, filling you up to the brim, coating your inner walls. You squealed, your body convulsing, screaming for permission, and when he gave you that last, guttural command, you came undone.

Your body went rigid, a choked cry spilling from your lips, your pussy clenching around his cock, milking him, the pressure unbearable. You felt as if your soul had left your body, the pleasure wracking through you, your entire body shaking, your mind going blank. Geto shuddered, his cock twitching inside of you, emptying himself deep into your core. You could feel his hot cum oozing out of you, the sticky fluid dripping down your thighs, a warm, syrupy sensation trickling between your legs. You gasped for air, your vision blurring, colors bursting before your eyes, fireworks going off in your skull.

"S' much c-cum..daddy.." You whined, the words catching in your throat, your voice trembling. Geto smirked, a low rumble of a laugh emanating from him, his gaze roaming over you, taking in the sight of your ruined body, your swollen, tender lips, the smear of mascara beneath your eyes. He smiled down at you, the expression a mix of adoration and smug satisfaction, his thumb tracing along the curve of your cheek, pads of his fingers grazing over your jaw. "Mhm.. so much, baby. I'm sorry. I can't help myself, you know that. So sweet, so innocent. I just can't control myself when I'm around you.." He purred, the words dripping with honey, his voice smooth and silky, sending shivers down your spine. "You make me want to do bad things. Naughty, nasty things." his dark eyes met yours, a wicked gleam flashing in them, the pupils dilated, nearly engulfing the irises.

"Like what, daddy?" You breathed, the words sounding distant, faraway. Geto smiled, his teeth glinting in the moonlight, the sight of him baring his fangs at you, a predator poised to strike, making your heart stutter. "..Why don't i show you?"

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dr3c0mix · 5 months

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My Lovely Melody

Yandere!Rockstar x GN!Reader

CW: yandere is a playboy before he meets reader, suggestive (creepy) thoughts, minor obsessive behaviour

🎸 Axel's been in many relationships with both men and women alike, but all of his little flings felt nothing more than that, just flings.

🎸 And he was content with it, I mean being a famous rockstar meant lots of people wanting a chance with you and he indulged in that fact.

🎸 He could sleep with whoever he wanted, whenever he wanted, and he wouldn't have to deal with the commitment that comes with dating or any of that messy stuff.

🎸 So why the hell can't stop thinking about you ?!?!?!!

🎸 He scratched his head trying to make sense of it, his messy hair getting even more ruffled as he tries to get the image of your smile out of his head.

🎸 You were in a miscellaneous store full of alt clothing, trinkets and various other stuff when he walked in with his bandmates.

🎸 It was fairly normal when he came in the store. It was dim with some random punk song playing faintly in the background. His friends started exploring, looking at the graphic t-shirts and mugs shaped like skulls and the like.

🎸 He got a bit bored and wandered to the other side of the store. It had posters, candles and..who's that?

🎸 There you were, staring longingly at a plush toy sitting on one of the shelves, just standing there.

🎸 He didn't think much of it, probably just some person baked out of their mind. "Hey buddy, you doin' good?"

🎸 You snap out of your gaze and look at the big hulking man in front of you. You stutter out an apology and explain your little misfortune.

🎸 "So you want this..toy...but you can't afford it..?" He raises a brow at you as you nod, making him chuckle.

🎸 He thought for a moment, looking at the stuffed creature, well it wouldn't hurt to buy it for you, he's pretty well off from all the gigs and concerts he's been in so...

🎸 "How 'bout I buy this thing for ya then? But you owe me~" He winks, thinking he could score some quick sex for being such a 'gentleman'

🎸 But no, instead of a blush or a knowing smirk, you just looked at him with the widest, most innocent eyes he's ever seen, you were practically shaking with joy as he said it.

🎸 You thanked him profusely before listing off things you could do in return, treating him to some food, buying something for him in return, plain paying him back..he was a bit surprised.

🎸 "O-oh...uhm that was a joke heheh, y-you don't have to do all that babe..." He blushes.

🎸 The two of you head to the cashier, his friends spying from behind the aisles as his gaze is locked on the little ball of cuteness beside him.

🎸 Seriously? Did you even know who he was? This has never happened before...most of the time, he would pay for someone's drink or something and they'd be on his dick in seconds, but you, you were so..different...it felt nice..

🎸 You didn't even get it in a bag, you immediately took the plush after it was paid and hugged it close.

🎸 so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute!!!

🎸 "Hey uh..so me and my buds are in a band and uhm..wanna maybe..watch our next gig?" He asks nervously, he's never been so shy towards anyone!!

🎸 You agree, thinking it's the least you could do for what he did for you.

🎸 You take out your phone, Axel can't help but grin at the case, it was cute, like you~..

🎸 "Here's my number if..you need it.." You smile at him, that smile..that damn cute smile...you had his heart wrapped around your finger at this point.

🎸 "Th-thanks sugar..I'll see you there.." He smiles back as you part ways, he heads back to his friends who were bombarding him with questions as he watches you skip out of the store with your new little soft friend.

🎸 That night, he was getting ready for the show when he got a message notification and sees that you sent a picture of the show from one of the seats with some text "Good luck out there!"

🎸 His face was on fire as he realized you were there, he peeks out in the crowd and there you were, your little plush toy in tow.

🎸 You look so out of place from the people in spiky jewelry and dark outfits, you were just in a hoodie and baggy pants, albeit the hoodie had a MCR design on it, but you can tell it was very soft compared to the rest of the audience.

🎸 Finally it was time for the show to begin and it was the most passionate he's been in a while, it seemed as if the words he was singing were dedicated to you and you alone.

🎸 The little glances at you made you giddy, like a friend seeing their bestie perform, you were cheering excitedly for him, not in a fangirly way, but one of genuine support and amazement.

🎸 After the performance, Axel tried finding you, but the crowd was too big and he assumed you must have left already.

🎸 Wait..why is he being so buddy buddy with you? You just met today! It's not like you two were best friends or anything!

🎸 He tried dismissing the thought of you, tried distracting himself by flirting with other people, but he could only think about you, and making you smile like that again..

🎸 no no no! get out of my head!

🎸 Maybe a little fling can ease his mind?

🎸 Even on his bed with some random girl after show, he can still think of you.

🎸 Would your skin be as soft? or maybe softer? How would your hair smell? He bets your moans would sound delicious..

🎸 shit FUCK!!

🎸 Even after his one night stand, he kept thinking of you

🎸 He stares at your messages, you sent a lot of pictures of your plush toy doing goofy things to him, so cute..so silly...he can't help but smile.

🎸 He decides to look you up on social media and..

🎸 Wait a minute...you make music too?

yep this was a bit short but idk man i love making you guys suffer <3 stay tuned for part 2 (i am actually out of ideas guys please request me please please ple-)

#yandere #yandere x reader #male yandere #oc yandere #yandere x gn reader #yandere oc #yandere male #tw yandere #yandere x male reader #x reader #rockstar x reader #x gn reader #gn reader #oc x reader #yandere x you #opossumdoodles

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yawnderu · 7 months

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Birthday Boy — Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader

content: mutual pining, idiots in love, fluff.

"Hey, big guy." You greet, pushing past him while holding a cake on your arms, setting it down on his desk. He simply gives you a confused look, eyebrows raising under the balaclava, closing the door hesitantly.

"Fucking hell." He mutters softly, arms crossing as he rests his back against the wall, his behemoth frame looking down at you as you steal a lighter from his desk, lighting the candles.

"I know you said you don't do birthdays but I just thought you deserve to have a day for yourself, so I kind of... gave you a birthday, I guess." Your embarrassment grows the more he stares you down, a bashful smile growing on your face when he says nothing. Your attention is grabbed by a deep chuckle coming out of him, shaking his head before he walks over to you, skull gloved fingers gently flicking your forehead.

"Why?" Is all he can ask, curiosity tainting his tone before he lets out a soft groan, looking down at the cake decorated with a messily written "Happy Birthday, Simon" and awfully drawn skulls all over. He wouldn't admit it, but he finds it even more charming.

"Just because." You reply shortly, hands making contact with the thin fabric of his black compression shirt, gently holding him by the biceps, guiding him to a chair in front of his desk where the cake was. He lets you drag him without any complaints.

"I'm gonna sing ya happy birthday, okay?" Your words are met with another groan, his elbows going to the table, face resting on his hands as if this situation is stressing him out. He eventually nods his head, looking up at you.

"Yeah, yeah." He mumbles, the fire from the candles making his eyes stand out even more in the dim room, the dark brown now a sweet honey color, showing you just how dilated his pupils are as he looks at you. You sing him happy birthday, making a small show out of it with claps and an overly cheery voice, dragging groan after groan out of him, the corners of his eyes creasing as he tries his best to suppress the smile tugging at his lips.

"Make a wish and blow the candles." You encourage after you're done singing, hands gently massaging his sore shoulders as you excitedly wait for him to comply. And he does, hesitantly getting closer to the cake and not doing anything for a few seconds before blowing the candles. A laugh of pure relief escapes your lips once the candles are off, tapping his shoulders gently before letting go.

"Good man. I made the cake, y'know?" You start cutting the cake, making sure to cut an extra big piece for him— with what little he has told you about himself, you can tell it's been a while since he got celebrated— If it even happened at all.

"I can tell." He replies teasingly, tone full of humor as he gets up and narrowly misses a punch thrown his way. He can't help but let out a small laugh, getting into a playful fighting position, pretending to throw a few punches your way and making a show out of making sound effects for each one. None of his punches connect, of course, but you use the opening he left to smear a little bit of frosting on his arm, making him groan loudly.

"Bloody hell." He grumbles, the cheeky smile you shoot him making him playfully roll his eyes. He eventually settles down, sitting in bed and lifting his balaclava halfway, tasting the sweet treat. He takes his time to savor it, nodding his head in approval as he looks down at you before digging in again.

" 'S good." He praises after another bite, attention now fully on the piece of chocolate cake on his plastic plate. You take this moment to admire the exposed half of his face— his soft jawline and thin pink lips, hints of a stubble covering his cheek and chin, a little bit of his eyeblack tainting his cheeks as well. You feel like a Victorian man seeing ankles, grasping at straws just to admire him.

He gives you a side eye and you look back down at your plate, starting to taste the cake as well, as if you weren't just staring at him like an infatuated hyena. You're too deep in thought to even realize his eyes are on you until you feel his finger smearing frosting on your nose, a laugh of pure disbelief escaping your lips.

"You little cunt—"

#cod mw2 #cod mwii #simon ghost riley #ghost mw2 #simon riley #simon ghost riley x you #simon ghost x reader #simon ghost x you #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost fluff #ghost fluff #mw2 fluff #simon x reader #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #ghost x reader #ghost x y/n #ghost x you

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horrorartsworld · 3 months

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Hi! I’ve read quite a lot of your works and I’ve got to say, you’re a great writer, like oh my god!

I was wondering if you could write a one shot of Alastor with a female reader wife who’s like Beetlejuice? Appearance wise (but more feminine), personality wise and power wise as well. Maybe he hadn’t seen her full power before due to no one chanting her name, but during extermination day, as a last resort, someone does and she kind of just goes full on “beast mode” to protect her husband? What would Alastor’s reaction be? Would he like it?

If you can’t do it, that’s alright! I hope you have a great day! ^^

( ≧ᗜ≦)₊˚⊹♡ OMG NONNIE!! you do not understand how excited i was to write this for you hence beetjuice being one of my favorite movies hehe and thank you so much i hope you enjoy this one !!

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

ghost with the most !

alastor/beetlejuice f!reader

warnings: slight angst, mentions of blood and massacre, some fluff towards the end!!

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

“Wait…sooo you’re telling me chuckles over there has a wife?!” Angel Dust asks his voice raising in disbelief towards the chipper blond in front of him who just so happened to spring this unbelievable information on him.

“Oh sure!” Mimzy raved, with a sort of twinkle in her eye that she only got when she started to gossip. “Under all that creepy and murderous exterior there’s a big ol’ sap! Can’t say I blame him ether — his wife’s a real firecracker! Me and her use to get into all kinds of trouble when we were living!”

She sighs reminiscent on her past looking like she was lost in thought before Angel erupts in bewilderment once more, “There’s no fucking way! I can’t believe i’ve never heard about this…”

Then he suddenly glares at Husk who was unamused by the whole thing. “What?” He huffs with an eyebrow raised, using a towel to wipe off the innards of a dirty glass.

“You knew about this didn’t you…” He eyes him with the worst stink eye making Husk snort, “Listen…I did but that women is bad news and if anyone bothers to say her name three times it’s over…” The cat then places the glass delicately amongst the others before Mimzy gestures for a drink earning a scowl out of him, grabbing the glass once more. “Besides why wouldn’t i know…”

Angel Dust rolls his eyes, resting his cheeks in a pair of his hands taking all this new information in, then sitting up straight again. “Wait? why three times..”

Mimzy giggles delightfully like a toddler clapping her hands seeing Husk place a full glass in front of her. “It’s like her way of a contract honey, to make sure you truly need her when she’s summoned and she’s not all that bad Huskie she’s just a little eccentric and bizarre is all, but truly a fun gal!”

Husk lets out an annoyed huff turning his back to her as she downs her drink in one big gulp with a small hiccup following. “Besides no one’s seen her in years, bless her damned soul…” Mimzy goes back to being reminiscent once more, but this time with a frown forming on her face which was unusual for her.

“Anyways tits, are ya joining us tomorrow? Gonna be a riot.”Angel Dust attempts at changing the subject though he still wanted to know more, seeming that his question somewhat spooked her she started readying herself to leave.

“No, no, no sweetheart! As much as I loooove a good brawl, this one is just not my cup of tea, kick ass though, choa!” And like that the tiny little blonde broad was gone out the door.

Leaving Angel to stew on all this information he just consumed, his eyes then wandering on the grouch in front of him with a smirk playing on his face.

“Wanna fuck before we die?”

“No.”

“Worth a shot.”

⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊🪲

On Extermination Day it wasn’t looking so hot for the Hazbin crew.

Each and everyone getting hit down one by one like a domino effect without really too much that they could do about it with their fire power seeming to not be enough like they thought.

Angel Dust looks along the battle field, spotting most of his friends injured or worse and none other than Alastor actually getting his ass kicked. Causing the spider insane amounts of uneasiness, when suddenly an idea clicks.

“Y/n…..,” Angel Dust hesitates thinking back to what Husk said about you and how this could possibly turn out. “Ah fuck it….Y/n! Y/n! Y/n!” He gives in shouting it as loud as he possibly could and within an instant the sky above the hotel swirled in green, causing many sinners and angels to look into the direction of it completely in awe of what it could be.

Alastor holding his chest as the gash across it starts to burn profusely, he notices everyone had stopped for some odd reason making him look in the direction of what had caught everyone’s attention, and if that man’s smile wasn’t permanently on his face already you would’ve saw the biggest grin known to man.

Suddenly a loud noise of a playful accordion rips through the air in a circus theme. ( https://youtu.be/gwsR5gOKK1U?feature=shared sounds something like this if your curious.) “Attention Kmart shoppers!” Your sweet yet sinister voice echoes throughout everyone’s ears with a menacing giggle following. “CLEAN UP ON ISLE SEVEN!! ,” Everyone looks around confused without noticing your form appearing in the middle of a bunch of the Exterminators, Angel Dust finally getting a good look at you causing his jaw to drop. Green hair flowed down your shoulders, a white and black striped dress hugged your body as two large mallets adorned both hands with a mischievous grin that could put Alastor’s to shame, then spinning both mallets around before giving quick blows to each and every dumbfounded exterminator that you saw, leaving an absolute massacre in your wake. Chest heaving with golden blood on your face, when you suddenly notice them, quickly wiping the blood with your striped sleeve and made your way over.

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

(dress ref!!)

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

Your green cloud forms behind a unsuspecting Adam with a pointed black nail coming out to tap his shoulder. He looks around aimlessly before facing Alastor once more, and then suddenly a large golf club appears with you on the other end of it with a golfers cap on your head. “FOUR!” Is shouted from your lips as you suddenly swing it with much force sending the douche bag flying lord knows where.

You hold your hand over your eyes pretending you saw where he was going, but then quickly snapped out of it to tend to your lover. “Always know how to make an entrance my dear,” Alastor says rather proud of his wife for being able to keep her cool all while kicking ass. “Oh you know I can’t help myself when there’s a crowd!” You dust yourself off before you do your best to help him up seeing his gash slowly dissipating into nothingness leaving just the rip in his nice dress shirt making you frown. “Awww Al, he ruined my favorite shirt!” You then loose track of what you were upset about and start playing with the hole delicately skimming your fingers across his skin, making him shiver as you made it seem like a mouth making ‘nom, nom,nom’ noises until Alastor cleared his throat.

“Sorry babe..” He chuckles down at you while then patting your head, before you wrap your arm around him taking him back to his friends.

“That’s quite alright…now how about we do some catching up, i want to hear all about your adventures,” He says looking down at you feeling how much he really missed this, missed you, clinging to you close like he never wanted to let you go again while you two walked.

Your eyes light up, bouncing up and down giddily next to him before jabbering on the rest of the way about things like almost getting eaten by a sand worm and practically ruining a recently deceased married couples start on the after life.

And of course Alastor was happy to hear all of it from his precious wife who he adorned and loved very much…

#☆⋆｡𖦹 my writings #☆⋆｡𖦹anon’s #☆⋆｡𖦹 alastor #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel fanfic #hazbin imagine #alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor x reader #hazbin hotel alastor x reader #alastor imagine #alastor x reader #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin alastor

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animeshotsh · 3 months

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Family meeting | Dad!Lucifer x Kid!Reader

Summary: Lucifer wants you to meet Charlie, the only problem? He needs to go to the hotel.

PT2 Of This and a full one shot of this.

Lucifer undertood, really, he knew Charlie was too worried about her Hotel to ever leave it alone. He also felt bad about asking her to just come home to meet you, after all he was not a present figure in her life.

"(Y/n) are you ready ?" Lucifer called you who went to him with a cancerberus plush on your hand and a backpack with some toys.

"Im!" You declared showing off your things, and letting out a smile. You were now dressed in the best quality clothes Lucifer could afford, he had to take a moment to snap a pic of you (again).

"Let not keep them waiting then" Lucifer said taking you and supporting you on his hip, his wings out.

"ARE WE GOING TO FLY THERE?" You screamed making the house shake, your hyped self could not be contained.

"Yes, what better way to travel?" Lucifer joked. The first time you two took a fly together Lucifer was distracted and ended up dropping you. His reaction time was fast so he was able to catch you, already making promises to never fly again with you but your laught stopped him, turns out you loved to fly and loved the adrenaline from falling. Lucifer found it strange but decided not to question it.

He later went to the internet to look for more information.

Once you two took fly everything felt at peace (and you two were in hell...). Demons and sinners could see their King, no one dared to mess with him. Some ignored him, others bowed and some even waved at you.

From the Sky, the city seemed beautiful in its own type of way. The fire from fights and the buildings falling apart...big neon adverstiments...

If you were honest you liked hell.

Lucifer felt your self become sleepy making him smile. This would usually happen, something about flying with him relaxed you. Maybe being with the king of hell and on top of that flying around the city made you feel Powerfull and protected, enough to make you dizzy. Closing your eyes you let the feel of the wind caress your skin as Lucifer's wings moved towards the Hotel.

~☆~☆~☆~

Charlie was not nervous, not at all!!

That was a lie. Charlie was so stressed over his dad coming to the hotel and with you no less. When he had called her and asked to meet up she had said she had too much work (and it was true) then after listening to how he wanted her to meet you and how you have been asking about her.

Her heart could not take it so she accepted, saying she would make the hotel the safest place for you.

"Husk, put the alcohol away, OH! And be sure to remove any broken glass" Charlie exclaimed getting the most are you for real look from Husk.

Any sharp object had been locked down, weapons hided away and they even took extra care of things that could fall over you.

"Angel, try to...keep the sex jokes as...."

"As good as a good suck in a alley corner after some Drugs?" Angel asked getting an annoyed look from Vaggie. "Fine, I get it. Im not a monster you know" he responded offended going for a drink only to get some appel juice from Husk.

"Princess rules" he simple said.

Vaggie was behind Charlie as she went on checking everything. This was worse than one Lucifer had first come, this was Lucifer and you. The New kid, the new lil relative of Charlie.

"And- and did we get Alastor to go out?" Charlie asked Vaggie knowing how him and his dad were not at good terms.

"Well..."

"Now my dear, why would you want me away?" Alastor asked appearing besides her. "Its because your dad its coming today? Dont worry the hotel wont suffer any type of damage" he promised bowing "or maybe a bit"

~☆~☆~☆~☆

The sound of the door being opened alerted everyone. Charlie was sweating as she saw her dad entering with a small kid on his arms. Puffy sheep skin and cat hears and tail could be seen but their face was pressed against Lucifer's chest.

"Charlie!! Its so good to see you again" Lucifer exclaimed getting closer. "Sorry, (Y/N) felt asleep when coming here" he explained looking down with a lovely father gaze at the kid.

"Oh...thats...thats fine!! We have made everything kids safe for the time (Y/N) is here" Charlie responded still stressed, however now seeing you in the flesh and not only by photos her dad would send her, her heart softened at your sleepy form.

"Well, not everything..." Lucifer let out a groul seeing the Radio Demon who stood with his usual smile.

"Greetings your majesty, I never expected to be seeing you again so soon, maybe grow a few inches instead of getting kids from the streets on your free time"

"Hahaha, oh at least kids like me" Lucifer responded going towards Alastor.

"Hahaha only because you are their size"

"Hahaha, or because I dont have that broken record voice"

"Hahaha, fuck you"

The small beef between them was enough to wake you up, looking up you first saw Lucifer's face. A very angry look then the look of another Demon, a redish one that looked like a deer.

"...are these your ears or hair?" You asked half sleep getting everyones attention.

~☆~☆~☆~☆

"Oh ignore him, we are here to meet with by daugther!!" Lucifer quickly turned around making you face Charlie. He carefully let you down on the ground and saw how you went to her.

Charlie went to your eye level, her heart beating fast. "Hello! Im Charlie, and welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!!" She cringed at her introduction, laughts from Angel and Husk could be hear at the back.

"Im (Y/N)! Are you my older sister?" You asked moving your head to the side taking her appearence, no doubt she was Lucifer's child, she had a different aura, something cheerful and good, something your insticts told you to reach for.

Charlie's mouth went dry, her eyes having now tears as she remember the story her father told her about you, about how you ended in hell. How unfair it was and how Heaven would not listen.

"Y-yes Im" she responded trying to content her tears then almost getting knocked off when you hugged her. Your soft hair rubbing against her cheeck.

"I always wanted a sister"

Vaggie had to look away to keep her emotions in check. She undertood the malice from heaven and was thankul you had ended in Lucifer's way. Her heart broke a bit seeing your small form hugging her gilfriend.

Heaven its damed she tought to herself.

~☆~☆~☆~☆~

"And this is Angel Dust!" Charlie presented you the spider Demon who was looking down as he was thinking about someone else.

"Hello Kiddo" he ruffled your hair getting a laught from you.

"You have four arms?" You asked looking at Angel who showed them then picked you up

"You bet!! And do you know what form arms can do?"

Everyone was holding their breaths now.

"Lots of ticklets!!" He finally responded tickling you. Your laught and smile resonated in the hotel. Your cat hears moving from side to side as Angel tickled you with a small smile of his own.

~☆~☆~☆~

You pulled Angel around the hotel, telling different tales you have been reading from Lucifer's private collection. Angel just nodded at you, he took note of how your eyes would light up when you were talking about a favorite character or a special part of a story.

It melted his heart.

"I want juice" You suddendly said stopping and making Angel almost fall over you. Luckly he was able to catch his balance.

Juice? Angel thought then smirked looking at a very sober and pissed Husk.

"Here, this one makes the best drinks and im sure he has some juices for you" Angel said taking you towars Husk who was giving Angel a very do not dare look.

"Uhhh, he seems scary" you said softly looking at Husk while Angel seated you carefully.

"Scary? Pff he is just sober" Angel said getting a confused look from you.

"I mean-"

"What would you like kid?" Husk asked keeping his voice with no emotion. He had hear you said he looked scary and honestly, that was funny. By the fact that you had touched Alastor's hair and ears earlier and you got the radio Demon to almost break his cool.

Yeah not scared over the radio Demon but scared of him? You were something.

He passed you a juice with appels. You were quick to forget your fear as you sipped the drink looking at Husk. "I liken your wings"

Husk looked a bit suprised but soon relaxed giving you a easy smile.

"I like your horns...what are you?" He finally asked getting an annoyed look from Angel.

"Well...im not sure?" You responded now feeling shy.

"You are a sinner my Dear!" The voice of Alastor echoed as one of his shadows picked you up keeping you from touching his hair again.

"And who are you?" You asked back macking Alastor glitch, static forming around him but then going away.

"Im Alastor, the Radio Demon! I have a show, maybe you ever listen to it or you prefer these boxes..."

"You mean tvs?" Alastor nodded "I used to watch a bit during mornings but...my father hated when we did it he would scream at me and-" your voice broke making everyone look towards you Lucifer almost going for the Demon's neck.

"Oh you poor thing" Alastor said deep down (very deep) feeling bad. Memories of his own life coming to haunt him. "Then here!" He made a move and a old fashined radio appear "this radio hosts only my shows, and no one will be angry at you because you listen to it" He said smiling at you, his shadow still holding you and playing with your horns as Alastor watched Lucifer for a reaction.

"Uh...thank you Mister" You finally said getting a lick from the shadow itself.

"No problems Dear and if you ever need a New dad you know for who to look" He smirked at Lucifer.

"But Lucifer its my dad..." you responded, radio in your tiny hands "...could you be my uncle?" You asked innocently ignoring who you were talking to, one of the most powerfull Overlords in the circle.

Alastor moved his head his shadow getting you closer to him, he took a moment to examine your soul. So pure and so...so unlike him.

Alastor could be chained to someone, but right now the only one who could hold a leash on him was you.

"Of course Dear" he finally responded taking you from his shadow and to his arms.

"And can I play with your hair?"

"Hahaha, absolutly not"

Lucifer was being hold in the back by Charlie and Vaggie sending daggers to the Demon.

~☆~☆~☆~☆~

#hazbin hotel lucifer x reader #hazbin hotel x you #hazbin hotel x reader #lucifer x reader #alastor x reader #charlie x reader #angel dust x reader

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