#i just wish more people would use the term man rather than boy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vlion · 2 years

Note

please please write a jealous jake lockley fic where he’s either jealous of always being in the shadow while marc and steven get reader’s attention or maybe he’s jealous of someone from her work (sfw or nsfw if you want). TY IN ADVANCE!!

Damsel in Distress (Moon Knight Boys/Female Reader)

Author’s Note: I hope you enjoy this fic! I kinda tried to combine both of the things requested and I hope you like the direction I took! This was super fun to write as well as to dust off my smut writing skills! I could definitely see myself writing a part 2 to this so let me know if that's something y'all are interested in.

Link to AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39540033

Content Warnings/General Themes: ⚠ 18+ content: by reading this you affirm you are over the age of 18 years or over the age of maturity as stated in your regional or local guidelines. jealousy, unwanted advances, lots of swearing (mainly from Jake because he’s Jake), Marc/Steven/Jake all making appearances, established relationships, violence (pretty minor, only one instance), one mention of blood, allusions to prior sexual actvities, oh boy here comes the good stuff, semi-public sexual activities, museum sex, spit kink (like A LOT, I’m sorry), mouth spitting, handjob, oral (m recieving), face-fucking, hair-pulling, degradation (including use of demeaning terms), praise kink, facial, “Sir” kink, allusions to Dom/Sub relationship dynamic, mentions of choking, Jake having a filthy mouth (as he should).

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 4,071

“Absolutely not.”

Your boyfriend’s voice drew your attention away from the mirror you had been anxiously eyeing yourself in. You had been getting ready for what felt like hours, doing everything you could to pass the time rather than anxiously pacing around your shared apartment. You had been invited to a fancy gala at the museum you and Steven worked at together, and much to his and Marcs’ dismay–apparently–you had chosen one of your more revealing cocktail dresses for the occasion.

You turned to your boyfriend, with a mock frown on your face. “What, you don’t like it?”

He rolled his eyes after not so subtly taking your form in. “Baby…I already have to stay on the back burner tonight…and now you’re going to be wearing that all night? Are you trying to kill me?”

“Maybe not kill you, just make you suffer internally for a bit,” you said, with a cheeky wink. “And I am definitely wearing this dress, no ifs, ands, or buts about it, Marc.” You had already been hyped up by your friends and coworkers to wear this particular outfit, as well as by yourself, and there was no way you were going to change because of how one of your boyfriends was feeling about it.

It wasn’t like Marc was dressed particularly conservative either–the way his tailored suit and perfectly styled hair looked together had you weak at the knees. You wished that you could take him as your plus one, but you and Steven had specifically been invited, and people would surely be raising some eyebrows if he suddenly started speaking with an American accent. Not to mention the completely different manner in which Marc carried himself, and the fact that he worked for a mummified bird for a living. That probably wouldn’t fly well around the historians and archeologists and whoever the hell else attended these types of things.

“You’re a little brat, you know that?” Marc said in response to you. He also took the opportunity to kiss you on the cheek and pull you in by the hips, which made you practically melt in place.

“Yeah…but I’m your brat,” you practically whined out, trying to look as innocent as possible. You could tell Marc knew you were just fucking with him, but you had to admit it was fun to push his buttons every once in a while.

You could sense a shift within the man in front of you.

“Surely you mean our brat right, love?” he asked, nose crinkling as he enunciated each word with his distinct accent.

You knew Steven was going to make an appearance sooner rather than later, as he could be a bit of a control freak when the two of you had a place to be. You honestly preferred it at times though, especially when compared to Marc’s tendency to spontaneously propose things for the two of you to do. You asked Marc on one of your heat-of-the-moment dates why he wasn’t a fan of making plans ahead of time, and he simply responded by telling you he had a lot he wanted to make up for in a relatively short amount of time, so he wanted to make the most of it. You couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pain in your heart at his confession, knowing about his past and the very reason for Steven’s existence. From that moment on, the love you felt for Marc–and Steven–increased exponentially, and you vowed to love each of them for who they are–even if that involves having to rush out the door for one of the escapades Marc took you on.

As if he could hear your thoughts, Steven glanced at his–or rather, Marc’s– watch, and reached for your hand. “I don’t mean to rush you, love, but we should really get going if we want to make it on time. Or, we could be fashionably late, but I don’t know if we are cool enough to pull that off.”

You couldn't help but giggle at that. If there’s one thing you could count on with Steven, it’s him making light of what would have certainly been a source of anxiety for you. You dreaded going to these work events, having to get all dolled up just to meet a bunch of stuck-up rich people who you would forget about the moment you step out of the event. Your boss, Donna, wanted the two of you there to ‘represent the museum’–which basically meant to stand there and look pretty while the rich folk had the night to gawk at the various artifacts and collections that you and Steven had so tirelessly fussed over. But hey, at least you were getting paid for showing up to this thing.

You had to nearly fight Donna to get her to allow Steven to venture out of the gift shop and work in other positions at the museum, which then resulted in the two of you rotating between working the shop as well as in the various exhibit halls. For some reason, Donna had taken a liking to you from the moment you first started working at the museum. Whether it was because you were generally pretty productive, or if she was simply happy to see more women working in this industry, you didn’t know, but you were certainly glad that you didn’t have her constantly breathing down your neck whenever something went wrong. You wished that you could say the same for Steven, but you liked to think that your presence did something to soften her up around him, especially when you were both on the same schedule.

You pulled yourself back to reality and glanced at the time yourself, realizing that Steven was indeed right in hurrying you along. You looked back in the mirror one more time, swiping your chosen lipstick across your lips once more, and upon interlocking Steven’s outstretched hand with your own, the two of you were off.

You were about two hours into the event when you started to get…fussy. That was the best way you could describe how you were feeling after hours of mingling and chowing on whatever appetizers were floating around in the various exhibit halls. Thankfully, you and Steven technically didn’t have to work, but it certainly felt like you each had become some type of designated spokesperson for the museum with the interactions you were having with the guests. You had attended some of these events in the past, and you were required to wear your nametag for security and identification purposes, so it seemed that any time someone had a question about literally anything you and Steven were the ones to come to. You didn’t mind the various questions about the artifacts or historical figures represented in the exhibits, but you were getting seriously tired of telling one person after another where the nearest restroom was.

You had taken a bit of a break from the event, finding an unoccupied table away from others where you could sit and eat some ‘real food’ that had been offered buffet-style in addition to the hors d'oeuvres going around. You could see Steven from where you were sitting, who upon glancing at the lack of vegan options, decided he would opt for a bite to eat later at the flat. He was currently telling an elderly couple about the history of gods know what. You couldn’t help but admire how passionate he was about the things he was interested in, and how he could articulate information in such a succinct manner. You found it to be incredibly attractive, especially when he was going down on–

“Hey there, gorgeous,” a voice said, drawing you out of your thoughts. You look up to see your coworker, J.B., with a cocky smirk on his face.

You rolled your eyes and tried to visibly ignore him by angling yourself away from him, making it clear that you weren’t interested. Like, at all. J.B. had been nothing but a dick to both you and Steven the entire time you had collectively worked at the museum, and his crude remarks and tasteless flirtations were usually easy to brush off, especially after a long day at work. Now, however, you had zero tolerance for this kind of behavior.

But still, he somehow found a way to see through that.

“C’mon sweetheart. You wanna get out of here? Or are you too busy gawking over that freak over there?”

You immediately snapped your head back towards him. “Excuse me?! You, of all people, don’t get to call him that.” Upon seeing him roll his eyes, you continued on. “You wish you could ever mean as much to me as he does.” You knew you didn’t have to add the last part in order to get a rise out of him, but sometimes you just loved to see the world burn.

And make entitled pricks angry.

J.B. made a show of slapping the table in front of you out of anger at your statement, luckily not gaining the attention of anyone in your immediate area. You tried to glance around him to send Steven a look of ‘what-in-the-actual-hell-is-this-dude-doing-right-now,’ but he was too obscured by the stupidity that was unfolding in front of you.

Speaking of just that, J.B. reached his hand out and gestured for yours, clearly desperate. “I’m not gonna ask again.” He said, and you almost humored him and leaned in his direction to give him a piece of your mind, but after hearing distinct footsteps coming your way from behind him, you refrained.

“That’s enough.” The voice from behind J.B sounded familiar to you yet also…off. He certainly sounded like Steven, and was presenting himself as such, but you couldn’t help but think that one of your other boyfriends may be making an appearance. Well, rather, faking a British accent and attempting to act like Steven–if you could call that an appearance. You’ve dealt with enough of their shenanigans in the past to know when something was up; and to also know that Steven is pretty much the complete opposite of the confrontational type, further leading you to believe that he wasn’t who you were seeing right now.

J.B. turned around–dramatically of course–giving Steven(?) a death stare. “Here comes the freak to save the day. I knew she was that patheti-”

J.B. was promptly cut off by your boyfriend’s fist colliding with his face, as well as your shameless chuckle when J.B. looked between the two of you with wide eyes. “Donna’s gonna have a fucking field day with this, you’ll see,” he said, wiping some blood from his nostril.

It was you who spoke next. “Yeah, she would love to hear about how you tried to harass her star-worker. Oh, and that you made my boyfriend–who she already isn’t quite fond of–get into more trouble. Yeah, I’m sure that would go over well.”

J.B. was once again taken aback, clearly frustrated but attempting to keep his rage at bay out of the fear of being put in his place again. He opened his mouth to say something, but upon making eye contact with you and the other man once more decided just to smack the table again and walk away. What a fucking man-baby.

You turned your attention to the man in front of you, whose hand came up to cradle your cheek. “You know, as much as I hate the trope of the guy swooping in and saving the damsel in distress, I have to say, I’m grateful that my boyfriend knows how to throw a punch.”

The cocky smirk on your boyfriend's face completely gave him away, and you were soothed by the velvety voice that accompanied his relaxed demeanor. “Princesa, we both know that you would be the one rescuing me in that scenario, no?” A visibly exuberated Jake said, likely feeling the effects of adrenaline from the tussle he had gotten himself into. Well, actually, Steven into– technically. You’d seen each of the boys’ reactions after a fight before, and while Steven and Marc were able to keep the rush from the fight in their pants, Jake was…different. The first time you saw him get like this you were nearly scared of him, but more dumbfounded by how excited someone could get after literally fighting people only seconds ago.

You smiled at his words, nodding your head to agree with him. He swiped his thumb over your lips, before looking around to judge if the other party-goers were winding down for the night or not. He didn’t particularly care how people would react to the two of you slipping out early or not, but he knew you certainly would; which is why he was pleased to see that no one seemed in dire need of hearing the history of whatever ancient civilization was of interest to them, or to know when dessert would be served.

“Let’s get out of here, eh? Mi amor?” He asked, a twinkle in his eyes. He reached his arm out for you to take, and he was quick to give you a kiss on the back of your hand and then tuck your arm into his elbow when you reached your hand out. Sure, Jake could be a bit unhinged at times, but at least he was a gentleman. Usually.

You glanced around to ensure no one was watching as the two of you made your way towards the exit, and you let out a squeak of surprise as you were pulled into a small room that you and Steven generally took inventory in. There were shelves full of museum merchandise, as well as a few seasonal posters and displays.

“Jake, what the hell?” You asked, honestly just wanting to get back home to your comfy bed.

“Sorry, cariño, I couldn’t help myself,” he said, his hands going straight to your curves. “From the moment I saw you in this dress and saw what that fucking cabrón was trying to do…I just…I wanted you so bad .”

You chuckled at how possessive he was being. For such a big, bad mercenary, you would expect the man to have at least some restraint but alas, Jake was simply built different.

“Aww, Jakey, don’t worry. The feeling is mutual,” you said, in a rather teasing manner.

Jake rolled his eyes at the nickname. “Open your mouth,” he said, nearly out of the blue, looking at you through hooded eyes.

You obeyed, not trying to dig yourself an even deeper hole. He made a show of reaching his hand up and pressing it against your throat, tilting your head back so he could angle himself above you. You closed your eyes, knowing what was to come, and nearly moaned when he spit into your mouth.

He used his index finger to collect some of the spit that had hit your outer lip and cheek, and brought it back to your tongue. “Swallow” he commanded, a devious look in his eyes. You obeyed him again, clenching your thighs together as you swallowed nice and slowly, his hand still resting on your throat.

“Good girl. Now get on your knees and show me what a good fucking slut you are for me, hmm?” He said, and if you weren’t already so willing to comply, his words alone would have made your knees weak anyways.

You sunk down to your knees, making your dress ride up in the process. There was no way you were going to let it get ripped in this new position after seeing what it did to each of your boys, so you didn’t care to straighten it out or fix it. You looked up innocently at Jake, and you weren’t surprised that he was looking exactly where you had just been thinking of. You went to pull the material down out of the fear that he may make you cover up, but you stopped your actions when his hands gripped your shoulders.

“Keep it like that, princesa. Reminds me how filthy you can be for me. For us .” He exaggerated the last word with a knowing smirk, recalling back to the occasions when he would watch in on the things you would do with the other two men he shared a body with. He mentally reminded himself to thank you for the floor length mirror you brought home to the flat one day, telling Steven that it was just for you to ‘give yourself a once-over before venturing out’, but that certainly didn’t explain why it had only ever rested against the wall directly next to the bed.

“Take my cock out,” Jake said, and you felt your pussy clench at his words. You forgot how unfiltered he could be when he got like this–you loved it.

“Yes Sir,” you replied, smirking as you used the title. Ever since you jokingly used the word to refer to him after a joyride in his limo one day, you had become aware of the effect it had on him. You used it a couple other times to tease him, all of which lead to some intense lovemaking (if you could even call it that after some of the sinful things you’ve let him do to you).

You made quick work of removing his belt and unbuttoning his pants, slowly drawing the zipper down. Once the material was opened, and you had a clear view of his hard cock in his boxers, you took the liberty of lightly stroking your fingers up his easily distinguishable shaft.

Jake inhaled sharply at that, and grabbed your wrist to stop your actions. “I gave you an order, baby. Now’s not the time to tease.” He released pressure on your wrist, tucking your hair that had fallen forward behind your ear before leaning down to it. “Do I need to remind you that we are still in public? Huh?”

“No.”

“No, what?” He asked, a shit eating grin forming on his lips.

“No, Sir,” you replied, looking up at him through your lashes.

“Good girl,” he praised, loving the sound of the title on your lips. “Now make me cum like a good little whore.”

You clenched your thighs together at that, sure that you were soaking through your underwear at this point. The vulnerability and filthiness of it all should’ve turned you off, but the chokehold that Jake had on you–sometimes literally–was no doubt the cause of many feelings you had yet to fully dissect. But hey, ignorance is bliss.

Not wanting to stall any longer, for both his and your sake, you reached into his boxers and took his cock into your hands. You used your dominant hand to stroke up and down the shaft, using the pre-cum that had already begun collecting there as slick to aid your actions. Your other hand went to his full balls that were surely aching from the lack of contact.

Just as you found yourself getting into a good rhythm, you were shocked to feel Jake removing your non-dominant hand and angling it up towards his face. He leant down slightly, looking directly into your eyes, and then spit twice into your palm. “Use both hands up here, cariño,” he said, gesturing to his shaft. “I want to see how they look on my cock.”

You obeyed, gliding the hand with his spit in it along the entire length before bringing both hands up to the shaft and jerking him off. Your hands could barely fit around the girth of his dick, adding to the sinfulness of it all. That, combined with the wet sounds that the action made, seemed to be only amplified by the fact that you were in a relatively confined room at your place of work. You tried to focus on pleasuring Jake with your hands, but you couldn’t think straight with the swollen tip of his cock barely an inch from your face.

In other situations, you may have been a bit more hesitant about acting without permission, but you could tell that Jake was nearing his peak as you kept stroking. You knew how much he loved your mouth on him, so you closed the distance between your mouth and his cock, swirling your tongue around what you could fit in your mouth. You were immediately met with a moan from the man above you, who had to bite down on his knuckles to stifle any other noises. From the way he was breathing, you could tell he was definitely trying to hold back, both physically and vocally, so as not to reveal your location to the others outside the door. You were honestly beyond the point of caring, so you picked up the pace a bit, removing your tongue from the equation and settling to suck hard on his tip.

That seemed to really do something to Jake, provoking him to reach up and grab your hair in his fists.

“Fuck! Such a good girl for me,” he praised, allowing his hips to thrust in order to match your tempo. You could feel his balls hardening as they came in contact with your skin, and you knew he was close.

“Does my pretty princess wanna make me cum? Hmm?” He asked. “Right here, while your coworkers are in the other room?” He added, raising his eyebrow at your eagerness.

You nodded as a response, removing one of your hands to play with his balls once again and to allow him deeper into your mouth. The combination of your willingness to take him, as well as his eager thrusts caused him to nearly hit the back of your throat.

With a few more deep thrusts, Jake was removing his hands from your hair, and using them to angle your face towards him how he wanted. You removed your hands out of instinct, opting to place them on either side of his hips instead.

“Stick out your tongue,” he demanded, furiously stroking his length in front of you.

“I want your cum so bad, Jake” you said, before doing what he asked.

At that, he leaned down one last time and spit in your mouth again and you smiled with your mouth open, knowing he couldn’t resist.

“Ready for it, baby?” He asked, bringing his cock back to your open mouth.

You nodded frantically, closing your eyes when you could tell he was about to orgasm. You felt his cum hit your tongue and lips, the warm liquid tasting salty and distinctly like Jake. You nearly came with him at the sensation, as well as when he cupped your chin with one of his large hands to admire his work.

When he released you, you made a show of swallowing the liquid and licking off what didn’t make it inside with your tongue. You made eye contact with Jake while doing so, who you could tell was in a state of complete bliss. You leaned forward to lick up any of the cum left on his tip, then tucked him into his boxers and pants. He offered you a hand to help you stand up, letting you get used to being bipedal once more as he replaced his belt.

“Maybe I should play the role of damsel in distress more often, huh?” You asked, giving Jake a quick kiss as he adjusted his clothes and hair. You figured you should probably do the same, hiking your skirt back down and running a hand through your own hair.

“And maybe I should take you out of here and fuck you in the back of my limo to remind you who you belong to?” He responded, clearly still jazzed from everything that had gone on over the course of the night.

“Jakey, you know me so well!” You took his hand in yours, linking arms and allowing him to guide you out of the room and building with a hand on the small of your back.

As the two of you walked out together, you could’ve sworn you saw J.B. staring at you with wide eyes before looking between you and the security camera terminal.

Maybe you shouldn’t have insisted on them being installed in the storage room.

taglist: @verexi

#marc spector x reader #jake lockely x reader #steven grant x reader #moonknight x you #moon knight smut #jake lockley smut

709 notes · View notes

sapphirepastries · 1 year

Text

A Cleric in a Twisted Wonderland (Octopath Traveler AU) - Let's Make a Deal

i thought it'd be fun to write the scene where yuu signs azul's contract in book 3 for my cleric yuu. i might write more of these little scenes if im in the mood for it uwu

Yuu looked around the VIP room in wonder. There were a lot of things that were new to her in this world and the entirety of the Octavinelle Dorm and the Mostro Lounge were among them. She had no idea that an entire building could be underwater or that you could bring the sea indoors with such a large aquarium. Not to mention that this VIP room looks like it would have no problem looking like it belonged to the famous tycoon, Roque Brilliante. It didn't help that Azul would definitely get along with him.

It seemed that no matter what world she was in, Azul was still the same as ever. The same went for Jade and Floyd, and even Jack, who was sitting next to her.

She focused her gaze back to the man sitting in front of her. He looked the same as her Azul with the exception of the clothes he wore, and even then the style was similar. Both Azuls wore a nice suit with a coat hanging off their shoulders and a hat. Even the business smile he wore was the same.

"So, what would you like to discuss with me?" he asked.

"I wanted to ask you if you'd be willing to take those anemones off everybody's heads," she replied.

Azul chuckled, that smile of his never leaving his face.

"Hahaha! Goodness me. That's quite the demand to make right out of the gate," he said. "You would ask me to release all 225 students from their contracts with me?"

Jack jumped in his seat, shocked. "You bamboozled that many people?! That's nuts!"

Yuu sighed. As expected of Azul. He could rope anyone into a contract with his silver tongue.

"Yes, well, Jade and Floyd did a bit of proactive market outreach this year." His smile grew wider. "Thanks to that, I've had no shortage of clients ready to strike up deals with me."

He looked her in the eyes.

"Now, Yuu -- as for your request to free those students..."

He went on to explain that the students went into his contracts willingly and that the terms were fair, but Yuu knew better. And even better than that, she knew how to deal with him. Journeying with his Solistia counterpart made her wise to all his tricks.

She did wish she could see the kind side of him in this world, though. He's so sweet when he wasn't looking to rope people into contracts.

"Then what kind of deal do you want to make with me?" she asked, as he finished talking.

Jack whipped around to her. "Wait, what?! Have you lost it?!"

A familiar sparkle appeared in Azul's eyes, and Yuu knew she had him interested.

"Oho. You want to make a deal with me?" He leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he laced his fingers together. "Now there's an interesting proposal."

Behind him, Floyd laughed. "Ahaha! Little Shrimpy's got some guts!"

"I do have to say that I have been interested in talking to you," Azul continued. "I've heard tales of your rather wondrous healing abilities from other students."

Yuu furrowed her brows. As she understood it, Azul's contracts in this world were unique. If both parties agreed to the terms, then he could actually take people's magic away. If he was bringing up her healing magic then...

"'And the gods did give their messengers flame to light the way forward,'" she recited, cutting him off.

Azul blinked, looking bewildered at being cut off. A rare sight. The other boys in the room looked just as confused. What was she talking about?

"As a cleric of the Order of the Sacred Flame, I cannot, in good conscience, give away the flame that was given to me by the gods," she explained. "We are to use that to light the way forward for others. If you are interested in using my healing magic as part of the contract, then you'll have to consider something else."

The bewilderment lingered on the Octavinelle boys' faces, and she smiled gently at them.

"I'm used to this kind of thing," she said. "Is there anything else I have that interests you?"

Azul pursed his lips behind his hands. She was a clever one it seemed. He would have to be careful around her, but something bothered him.

The way Yuu looks at him...it was like she was seeing an old friend again. It felt like she could see right through him.

Why was that?

"Well, I can't possibly impose on your beliefs then," he said carefully. "Let's see what else you have that interested me."

#twisted wonderland #twst #octopath traveler #octopath traveler 2 #twisted wonderland x octopath traveler #twst x octopath traveler #twst x octopath #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst yuu #azul ashengrotto #floyd leech #jack howl

34 notes · View notes

brandnewhuman · 1 year

Text

ELIJAH KAMSKI HCS

Starring:

Our fav funky gen Z hermit

CONTENT

Tw: mentions of drugs and mature language

A/N: RANDOM HEADCANONS OF MY FAV BOI LET'S GO. I will probably do more cause at this point Im literally writing more for me than for anyone else. BUT HE'S SO WBHDJDNWJW I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. I'm over being just normal about him. Shout-out to @bloodlst I TOLD YOU THE RANDOM HCS WERE COMING

@the-anxious-youth tagging you too just in case

\\\

You all are gonna appreciate this man whether you like or not

I'll start by saying that he's always very aware of how people perceive him

He knows everyone thinks of him either as a creep or some sort of narcissistic weirdo

And, while it still hurts him a little bit, he has given up in trying to get liked or appreciated

He knows that whatever he does people will always see him as something he's not

He has used that in his favour, he manipulates this version of himself that people see to achieve what he wants and what he needs

The only people who knows the real him are the Chloe's and Connor at some point

He loves to use terms of endearment with the people he loves

The Chloe's are always his stars, or his lovelies or darlings

Connor would always be called love, dear or beloved

He really likes valentine's day, bro is really romantic really nice

Plus he's fucking rich so he just like to flex how much he's able to spoil his loved ones

I genuinely think he's asexual. Or at least demisexual

AND PANROMANTIC we can't forget that

why? Cause I said so

Talking about relationships he has never been in one

Or rather he has been but they were mostly one-sided cause the person who was with him just wanted something from him didn't really loved him

For a person so apparently cold and distant he has a rather hopeless romantic vibe going on

He definitely wishes for that bookish type of love but it's something he keeps for himself

It just makes him feel too vulnerable to say he does want to be loved that much

He definitely had a Tumblr blog and was pretty popular but never said who he really was

He was really just vibing, taking cute pics and shit

He doesn't really talks about it and it's definitely a touchy subject but the things he experienced as a teenager CEO had really fucked him up

He has managed to be best friend with nines and it's aggravating Gavin to no end

Unpopular opinion but I feel like he would not like Elon musk

I know everyone of you fucking bastards are gonna say it's not true but it is and you'll have to accept it

He never cared about the profits from selling androids, he cared about what they could do to improve

What more they could do and how much they could evolve ecc that's why he was booted out of cyberlife

As I said before he used to struggle with addiction with has led him to be quite paranoid about taking anything even if he really needs it

Something..something about him screams anaemic

My vampire powers are telling me that

During COVID he abused the shit out of netflix

Like he literally watched the most obscure and absurd shit he could find

He deliberately leaves both contact lenses and glasses at home when he has to do an interview or a reunion cause he's that petty

AND BTW THAT INVASION OF CONNOR'S PERSONAL SPACE? I BET HE COULDN'T SEE FUCKING NOTHING AND THAT'S WHY HE WAS ALL UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

He prefers to sleep on his couch rather than in his bed

His bedroom makes him feel alone somehow and he hates feeling like that

He has a tongue piercing

He finds it very hard to cry and sometimes that makes him feel even worse when he has bad days cause he feels like he can't let it out

Every time he spends money he does it because of the Chloe's

The pool? The Chloe's wanted to swim. The art pieces besides Carl Manfred's ones? The Chloe's liked them

He literally doesn't care, as long as they're happy then he's happy

His dreams are always either really fucking weird or really fucking bad there's no in between

He's scared of hospitals and of psychiatrists because he doesn't trust them and has an irrational fear of getting sent to a mental hospital

His wardrobe consist of like two or three elegant suits and the rest is band or graphic T-Shirt, hoodies and sweatshirt

He really doesn't likes to have to dress too formal

Carl was his only human friend and the og Chloe is the only friend he had left

Before them there was Gavin but they grew apart

Now obviously he has nines and Connor and even Gavin is coming around him again but for the longest time he didn't had anyone else besides Chloe

He's very hard to upset or offend cause half of the stuff one could say he has either already heard it or it's something that he thinks of himself already

It's always cold, like FR this man temperature is not fucking normal

As soon as he was able to leave his family behind he tried all the things he wasn't allowed to do

Which led to him learning how to play music again

He enjoys playing piano but prefers the ukulele because of practical reasons since it's more easy to carry around

He enjoys animating stuff too

He's weirdly good with kids, like those little gremlins adore him and no one can figure out why

He enjoys cleaning, in fact he does most cleaning around the house

He lets the Chloe's try makeup on him and, if they ask him to, he does their makeup too

Lives his life with a constant migraine but he's used to it

Those days where it gets really bad he just locks himself in his study with all lights off and without anything making any sound cause he refuses to take any medicine

He really likes hugs but never ask for them

He always smells either of something minty and fresh or of rose water

#elijah kamski #elijah kamski dbh #dbh fandom #dbh #elijah kamski headcanon #detroit become human fandom #detroit become human #neil newbon

36 notes · View notes

autismmydearwatson · 11 months

Note

please write that essay :> /nf

We all know Daddy Ham (as he was called backstage) as the main initiator of the plot, who haunts both the narrative and his own son. He is the ghost who reveals himself to his son to command that he avenge his foul and unnatural murder by King Claudius. This spurs a vengeful but all-too-reflective Hamlet down the self-destructive vortex of justice. He places a sword in his sons hand and tells him "just fuckin kebab him" but Hamlet can't just fuckin kebab his uncle, not right away. Hamlet needs to plan. Hamlet needs clues. That's why he is perceived as procrastinating: he's not a boy of direct action, he's a man of convoluted plots and cleverness, rather like Claudius himself.

So why does Hamlet listen to the guy? It's not just because he loves his father. In many ways, the time period in which the tragedy takes place affects Hamlets beliefs. In the 16th century, the people believed three things. Trust me, it's a surprise tool we'll use later.

The last wishes of a dead or dying relative were to be taken seriously as the grave

Murder is bad

Murder of a relative (known as "kinslaying") was WORSE.

Therefore,

Hamlet MUST obey the last wishes of his dead father and fuckin kebab his uncle BUT

Murder is bad, no matter how much both Hamlet and Daddy Ham want to do it, but MOST IMPORTANTLY

Claudius is Hamlets blood uncle. If Hamlet were to kill Claudius, he would bring the curse of Kinslayer upon himself.

So Prince Hamlet is caught between a rock and a hard place, but that's not the point, so break my heart for I must hold my tongue.

The point is: Daddy Ham was a cruel and fearsome and emotionally manipulative father and I'm going to prove it.

The ghost of Daddy Ham appears five times, twice to Marcellus and Barnardo before the story takes place, once to Marcellus, Bernardo, and Horatio, once to Hamlet, Horatio, and Marcellus, and once to Hamlet alone.

After seeing the ghost, Horatio and the Boyz report it to a suicidal Hamlet in the middle of his Transgender Depression Soliloquy. One of the first things Hamlet interrogates the Boyz on in order to identify the ghost was:

"What, looked he frowningly?"

"A countenance more

In sorrow than in anger."

"Pale or red?"

"Nay, very pale."

- dialogue between Hamlet and Horatio, Act 1, Scene 2

He asks if he was frowning. Seems a small detail, you say, but hear me, listen: whenever Hamlet DOES see his father's ghost, he is not joyful or happy. Instead, he is scared and driven with shakes and tears. Isn't it odd that he should feel this way upon seeing his father, when his fathers death (and Gertrudes infidelity) is the reason behind his melancholy?

Again: HAMLET FEARS HIS FATHER.

Evidence, in Act 1, Scene 4:

Enter Ghost

Horatio: Look, my lord, it comes!

Hamlet: Angels and ministers of grace defend us!

The Ghost beckons Hamlet to follow him, so they can speak in private. Horatio and Marcellus attempt to hold him back in fear of his sanity, but Hamlet is determined to hear what the apparition wants from him, and follows his father to a private place.

Now, what is easy to overlook is that Daddy Ham was a military man who was killed before his sins could be forgiven, which therefore condemns him to purgatory by day and wandering the mortal realm by night. This is part of why he is so desperate for vengeance.

Purgatory in the Catholic canon is not punishment for the damned, but purification for the sinners.

I am thy fathers spirit,

Doomed for a certain term to walk the night

And for the day confined to fast in fires,

Till the foul crimes done in my days of nature

Are burnt and purged away. But that I am forbid

To tell the secrets of my prison house,

I could a tale unfold whose lightest word

Would harrow up thy soul, freeze thy young blood,

Make thy two eyes, like stars, start from their spheres,

Thy knotted and combined locks to part

And each particular hair to stand on end,

Like quills upon the fearful porpentine.

- Daddy Ham to Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 5

Obviously, this hinting at the Horrors awaiting in the afterlife is frightening enough to Hamlet, who as we know is someone who is deeply afraid of what happens after death. But for what foul crimes is Daddy Ham confined? What did he DO? Being a great warrior in his time, as supported by both Horatio and Hamlet, we can assume things such as horrific war crimes or bloody sacrifices.

But what's more interesting are the lines immediately after this:

Ghost: List, list, O list!

If thou didst ever thy dear father love--

Hamlet: O God!

Ghost: Revenge his foul and most unnatural murder

"If you my son ever loved me, you must avenge my murder."

Dunno about you, but that sounds, I don't know, manipulative as FUCK.

ESPECIALLY to a kid who probably believes thoroughly that kinslaying is unforgivable, but is bound to obey the wishes of his dead father.

The next time Daddy Ham appears is shortly after Hamlet kills Polonius, mistaking him for Claudius, and is in the middle of slutshaming his mom.

Hamlet: A king of shreds and patches--

Enter Ghost

Save me and hover o'er me with your wings,

You heavenly guards!--What would your gracious figure?

Gertrude: Alas, he's mad!

Hamlet: Do you not come your tardy son to chide,

That, lapsed in time and passion, lets go by

The important acting of your dread command?

O, say!

Ghost: Do not forget. This visitation

Is but to sharpen thy almost blunted purpose.

Act 3, Scene 4

*This is the second time Hamlet has cried out for angels to protect him after being taken by surprise by his dad's ghost.

Gertrude: Whereon do you look?

Hamlet: On him, on him! Look you, how pale he glares!

His form and cause conjoined, preaching to stones

Would make them capable.

(To Ghost) Do not look upon me,

Lest with this piteous action you convert

My stern effects. Then what I have to do

Will want true color-- tears perchance for blood.

This is his father we're dealing with, who Hamlet has mourned for two months. Yes, Hamlet is someone who deeply fears death and everything in the afterlife, but case in point: no son should be afraid of his father.

The "tears perchance for blood" line is worrying as well: "Do not keep looking at me that way, or else I will cry instead of doing what you want."

In the next scene, Gertrude says:

To draw apart the body he hath killed.

O'er whom his very madness, like some ore

Among a mineral of metals base,

Shows itself pure. He weeps for what is done.

-Act 4, Scene 1

But does Hamlet cry for the bloody deed? Or is he crying because he's scared?

"But Jasper," you may say, "Hamlet is shown multiple times singing his fathers praises!"

So we do! But part of Hamlets tragedy is that we never really get to know Hamlet before he is grief-stricken and suicidal. Therefore all instances of Hamlet extolling Daddy Hams virtues are only seen after Daddy Ham is dead.

That it should come to this.

But two months dead--nay, not so much, not two.

So excellent a king, that was to this

Hyperion to a satyr. So loving to my mother

That he might not beteem the winds of heaven

Visit her face too roughly.

-Act 1, Scene 2

*note the emphasis on how kind Daddy Ham was to his wife, but no mention of kindness to Hamlet himself.

He was a man. Take him for all in all.

I shall not look upon his like again.

-Act 1, Scene 2

See what a grace is seated on his brow?

Hyperions curls, the front of Jove himself,

An eye like Mars to threaten and command,

A station like the herald Mercury

New-lighted on a heaven-kissing hill--

A combination and a form indeed

Where every god did seem to set his seal

To give the world assurance of a man.

-Act 3, Scene 4

Why is the timing of these praises significant? The fact that Hamlet is making these remarks two months after his father's death means its possible that Hamlet, still in the early stages of grief, is trying to remember only the best parts of his father. It is a tactic I have unfortunately experienced firsthand. He is grieving, his father is dead, his mother remarried almost immediately, and his birthright taken out from under him: why dwell on the abuses he possibly endured when he could simply gloss over them by emphasizing what he liked most about his dad?

Case in point:

Daddy Ham is trapped in purgatory for crimes he committed while still living

That he has yet to redeem himself for.

He tells his son to avenge him, or else he never loved him

Hamlet is so afraid of his own dad that he almost cries upon his appearance.

Hamlet emphasizes his father's virtues and ignores the manipulative aspects to process his grief

Daddy Ham was abusive, thank you for reading

#sorry if this isnt as concise as it sounded in my head #long post #Shakespeare #Hamlet #jaspers prattling

11 notes · View notes

not-terezi-pyrope · 1 year

Text

Vent post, okay to reblog though I guess

The thing I notice most about being a fat trans woman is how nobody wants to talk about it.

I mean, sure, it’s an identity combo that will come up occasionally in laundry lists of identity combos when people are professing vague textual expressions of unspecified support, but nobody is really willing to talk about what it means.

I have tried to talk about what it means, what it feels like, but after one too many untouched twitter threads and reddit posts with two upvotes, I am more than aware that thin people, even thin trans women, would much rather keep on scrolling to the next 1000k upvoted post of a skinny woman on two months of HRT who already looks more feminine than I will after my whole transition.

And I don’t have anything against those women; I wish them all the best. But it really hurts seeing it, knowing people don’t really care to talk about how femininity as a trans woman is so often only obtainable if you are skinny, or else if you are fat in the precise right way that is only obtainable through intense body modification and/or surgery. I don’t get to mention the uncomfortable smiles and derelict dating profiles when other trans women gush about the vibrant new queer sexual communities they have found since transitioning. I don’t get to talk about how I am far and am therefore either a man, or a woman so ugly I bring down the mood when I impose myself into communities that they expect to all be full of hot, skinny queer women.

Because the thin lefty queer folks in those spaces don’t want to admit to themselves how often they are viscerally grossed out by my body. It impinges on their self-image as liberated and universally accepting. And like, I don’t begrudge them not being attracted to me. Nobody owes anyone else attraction, or reciprocation to advances (at this point I mostly don’t bother making those advances). But what does bother me is how people will continue to talk like this isn’t a thing that is true, to cover their ears and shut their eyes and continue to crow about how achievable these things are for everyone, how femininity is just a clothing change and hormones away, how easy it is to date other trans women and form sexy catgirl polyam harems once you come out, how it’s “just about confidence!!!”.

I wish that were true. I wish that was my experience with the culture. But although I have been out as trans for a while, I am still treated, in terms of sex and romance, roughly equivalently as a fat woman as I was as a fat boy; beneath notice. Knowing through the subtle cues people give that if I even tried to approach a thin cis woman it’d be a genuine “hello??? Human resources???” moment.

I failed my last diet. I will probably start another one soon that will probably also fail, and then I will keep trying, because society has been screaming at me for years that getting thin is only way to achieve a version of me that they will accept for who I want to be. You can’t transition weight in the same way as you can transition your gender presentation, at least not without a lot of physical and psychological pain, but that is what is asked of us, or at least me. The world screams at me for it. It’s astonishing how much casually worse people see you as for being overweight; it’s so pervasive that people simply cannot acknowledge it, because it would too greatly shatter their impression of a fair world.

Because people won’t talk about this I’ve never been offered a serious practical alternative to continuing to hate my body and trying to, some day, lose weight. if there is an alternative solution I’ve never been offered it because people will pretend that there is simply no problem. I am repulsed by the idea of gastric surgery, but the last few months the idea has really started to grow on me as a last resort that I might simply have to try before it gets too late for me to have a womanhood. Dieting landed such a blow to my mental health at the end of last year and I have nothing to show for it since I have pretty much gained everything back. It really saps my hope for the future that even after all this, I still don’t get to just be a girl and be liked/wanted by other people in general.

#i am not sure how much of this is true to the extremes I lay out but #it certainly feels this way a lot of the time #i do need more confidence but if i were to say that was the whole story i would be kidding myself #at the end of the day its just true that most people think I am pretty damn unappealing #And that hormones won't change this #i want to tear out my insides some days #or stuff myself into a suit of armour that can hold the perfect shape they want #crushing everything within into a pulp #but hey its not the inside that matters right #it never is #not-terezi-speaks #my life #vent

10 notes · View notes

tamtam-go92 · 1 year

Text

Tam's reading resolution

Book 1: Pearl S. Buck - The Good Earth

Released: 1931

This is the edition that I own, it's an old book but I don't have it at hand as I type this so I can't say how old.

So, what is interesting about this book? It won the Pulitzer Prize in 1932 and the author would eventually win the Nobel Prize in 1938. It's about a poor Chinese farmer called Wang Lung who marrys the former slave O-Lan (O-lan in the German Edition, so I read the L as an I until now). In the first years of his marriage Wang Lung's farm prospers, his wife bears him two sons and a daughter in a quick succession and they gain enough wealth to buy a new piece of land were they can grow rice. But then a drought comes over the land and Wang Lung and his family are in danger of starvation. So they leave their land, their good earth for a big, wealthy city in the South by train. They are now in the city and try to make a living by begging and Wang Lung becomes a rickshawee. When suddenly military people show up and take away men from the city, Wang Lung wants to return to his land but he would have to sell his daughter into slavery to afford the move back to his hometown. This is how far I've read until now.

What I liked so far: I like the setting, I'm really interested in Asian culture and it's so interesting to read about it, as I know almost nothing about China from around 1900 (the events aren't clearly dated, but it's considered to play around that time). I also like the characters. Wang Lung is a simple man but he's pretty observant and the book is written completely out of his perspective. I like how he seems though about everything, especially his family, but is actually a softy when it come to them. He sees his father as an old fool but is so fond of him that he would rather starve then see him starve. He sees O-Lan as stupid and ugly but still reports so fondly of her, when she tends to the kids and the house. And it gets clear that she isn't stupid, she only talks little. But when she's got something to say it's usually really wise. I almost teared up when Wang Lung reported about his infant daughter almost starving. When she was born he didn't care much about her (you know how things were back then...) but he grew so fond of her, that he did everything so she didn't have to die. That was beautiful. The father is a great comic relief and O-Lan is such an interesting and mysterious character. I wish we knew more about her. The kids don't have names yet but they start to gain personality, the elder boy being timid and "wise" and the younger being sneaky and bold. So far I enjoy the read.

What I didn't like so far: The book is old, it's written by a white woman about a culture that she grew up with, but was never a part of. She used terms that make readers today flinch (slitted eyes, yellow skin) but I think you have to see the book as what it is: a product of it's time. It also rushes through the first years of Wang Lung's and O-Lan's marriage which I would have liked to know about. It also rushes over the different characters so much, that it's hard to get to know them. Even if it's out of Wang Lung's perspective, I don't feel like I really know him yet. Not to speak of other characters, many of them don't even have a name. It also bothers me that the book doesn't give a real understanding of time. I have a feeling that it's five or six years into their marriage until now but the boys seem so "mature" already it's really hard to tell. I know that it's not necessary to know and that an ordinary farmer around time wouldn't count the days as we do today, but I just like to know. It's my inner Monk.

Overall impression so far: I like the read. The story has been quite simple for some time but I feel that with the military confrontation coming into play it's gonna build up some tension. I am aware of the problematic side of books like this. Still I want to treat the book as a product of it's time and it even made me think about it's problematic sides more than I would have been aware without reading a piece like this. It's easy to read, at least the translation that I've got. In any case, all opinions formed are solely based on the translation! I don't know how the original deals with the afore mentioned slurs. The book doesn't catch me emotionally, to be honest, even if there are touching moments. But I'm fascinated by the world and can't wait to see how Wang Lung can make it big (as I'm sure this is such a story). I'll come back here in ten days to report more!

#tam's reading resolution #book 1: the good earth pearl s. buck #part 1 #tw racial slurs #tw child death

6 notes · View notes

phoenixislost · 10 months

Note

(1/3) Aaa thank you for your response! it was a bit nerve-wrecking because i was afraid that the question might come off as too personal, but then again you’ve always been super gracious in answering my comments on AO3. and regarding tropes such as A/B/O, it's not really my thing either, but i also see a few trans/nb authors writing A/B/O because they rather not deal with the extra baggage, so to each their own. I just wish that the term “mother” in trans stories is dealt with much more nuance,

(2/3) not just using the term solely by the fact that they gave birth to the child (i know trans people don’t have to explain themselves but it would be nice to know the reasoning behind that character’s decision). There are trans people who go through this medical procedure but not the other, those who presents themselves unlike what a ‘man’ or a ‘woman’ should be from a cis perspective, so i really wanted to know that story too! I also hope that there are more stories just like yours, (3/3) not just in terms of trans pregnancy, but also experiencing life while being trans! (relationships, family, day-to-day basis). Also addressing the hurdles that comes with those experiences, without defining trans characters solely on those struggles. P.S: English isn’t my first language so I hope you understand what i’m saying

A lil bit of a long-winded response again, so find it under the cut!

Before I say anything else: I am so sorry for making you wait for this reply! I ended up taking a bit of a tumblr nap ;A;

I am more than happy to answer questions, so don't shy away from asking. Even if it did end up being something I might be uncomfortable to speak about, I'm fairly certain I would find a way to at least poke at it.

On the topic about A/B/O and trans/nb authors - I have recently discovered this as well! It has been actually very, very refreshing to find it written from a trans, or at least trans-adjacent perspective. I don't think I will ever write the trope myself, but it has become far less squicky for myself to read. Goes to show - even fandom evolves with the times.

I know exactly what you mean about exploring trans stories that delve into the experiences without being revolved around those experiences. There was a time when I was but a wee trans boy, navigating my identity, and the only stories that I could find in fiction (fan-written or otherwise), were those that leaned towards the heavy-handed tropes and stereotypes, with very little nuance. That might be why I lean that way in my own writing of the trans experience. It's my reality, but not my personality; if that makes any sense. And on that topic: I have a fic with this same style/theme in the works right now. Fully outlined and waiting for when I have finished a few things that I am currently writing. So, keep an eye out for that! c:

(P.S: Your English is lovely, and I understood you perfectly!)

#answered asks #anonymous #writing #history repeating

2 notes · View notes

thebadtimewolf · 10 months

Text

hey

do yall know any genuine rose tyler stans that are actually upset about how s1 rose was treated as an equal AND a love interest but as soon as s2-s4 rose was treated more as a equal BECAUSE of her being pideonholed as only a 'i can do things too! see!' archetype of love interests that it took two other characters to be treated as an actual equal? like why did ten thru donna said that he needs an equal and that what the dr needs an equal??

rose was already an equal in season 1. its established bts that rose was an equal to ninth doctor? but now why didn't that sentiment continued on with ten? what happened?

like martha is treated like an actual equal because the dr in the past have always hated themselves, reflected back at them, but still shared the joy and comradarie during a joint adventure with said version of self. like even the time lord victorious two parter book - 8 was flirting and 10 flirted back but at the end of the day - both of em can carry themselves without the arrival of the other, leaving the eyerolling and mild disgust or disinterest aspect to ninth dr when he shared a room with them. like the dr not wanting to "date" martha even though he literally in text trying real hard to pull the wool in both ur qnd his own eyes is essentially him trying not to fuck himself.

donna is - in an almost wish-fufilled in what the dr missed from the master - considered an equal preestablished since season 3 guest appeared and fully in season 4. shes seen as a pea in the pod like the dr master rani and romana - keeping up with that specific lot of em without going thru the 'but im better than you' alien egoist rhetoric that the time lords fall to in times of upper handedness. she can manipulate she talk fast she tech-savvy yet people-grounded BUT she makes sure the respect isnt temporary and doesnt lord it over people because everyone is great and without that person, the whole system can fall apart.

because so far, it doesnt feel that way. like are yall not mad that tenth doctor gave rose up?

after seasons of build up and getting shot and everything? the funky alien eldritch being in a mask of an earth lookin boy that had a chance to man up and show feelings when the opportunity is very in your face given to him to do so in a space where he could do so and — he just gave her up? all that moping and whining and when given what he wanted, he just went: no. here. i need an equal and i have donna so im giving you what i TEN think you want as an equal in me and thats him. BUT NINEROSE ARE EQUALS SHE NEVER SAID SHE WANTED HIM HUMAN BUT RATHER HIMSELF AS HE IS.

its like fridging rose but worse. in s2-4 you made her in memory of someone else that ALWAYS treated her as an equal instead of actually continuing on with that with the next face. death wouldve been more forgiving and thats not a great thing to come to a conclusion to. The one that really treated you as both a love interest AND equal is dead, and now you're married to the discarded imitation of the one that only typecasted you as a love interest.

tentoo should be mad abt this too but this aint about him, this is about yall and the rose tyler connundrum.

i wouldve settled for her having the hand - settling for the hand if that hand turned into ninth doctor (like full on christopher eccleston doing donna impression everything) instead of what we got - which was dust. it made more sense that way. because then the dialogue narrative - the doctor's excuse - wouldve been more well recieved. Does it need saying would have more weight if Eccleston played a NineToo whispered i love you because you know it was well meant. Genuine. Its coming from someone that always treated you as an equal and also getting that i love you and not just - oh the human i love. i miss them not because i treated them on equal terms, its strictly because i only love them - no equality at all

like yeah chris wasnt going to return but hes a movie actor - hes used to green screen. he couldve sent a video message in a leather jacket and let it be done. like we couldve had nine saying i love you to rose on doomsday like do you get what im trying to say like. like tooth and claw if it was nine and rose both wouldve been like 'oh look at that a werewolf transformation!' And not what. we got. LIKE DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN

#tv: doctor who #c: rose tyler #c: ninth doctor #c: tenth doctor #{no because im tagging because i want genuine responses and not ANON HATE I WANT ACTUAL DEPH ANALYSIS}#{i dont think i have a tentoo tag. if i did i forgot}#{but i ship the dr with everybody including every TARDIS i see}#{but like i dont ship 10rose or 8rose. like those should be n' stay as platonic SO GLAD 8ROSE IS CANONICALLY PLATONIC thats drdonna LOVE IT}#{like 10martha is more appealing because that man flirted outwardly to her in front of a class and main hospital chief}#{meanwhile 10rose got deleted waste.of.time hand holding seasons 'we had to cut for time' professional sayin IT WAS A WASTE OF TIME}#{THEY CHOSE DUST INSTEAD OF THE FOOD NINE GAVE US FOR FREE WITH LATER 98% DISCOUNTS}#{so yeah but um yeah}#{but like yknow make a comprehensive argument: also goal here non poc ppl TRY NOT TO BE RACIST IN YOUR WORDS}#{i know how easily tempted you are as soon as you see martha and ten in the same sentence let alone the same post: check yo self}#{like 'oh rtd might bring to rose' he might kill her and its feeling and more like hes going to just to appease tories}#{because billie is VERY MUCH not a tory aka conservative so yeah do YOU see why i dont rose back but the moment}#{like he killed off 9 and that was probably due to him being antiroyalist so i IM RIGHTFULLY WORRIED FOR OUR GURL}#{IF she returns as rose tyler. if she returns as the interface THE MOMENT AS SHE IS WELLKNOWN FOR i wont have anythin to worry abt}#{as well as bts conditions but LIKE👀 the worry is there the worry is prevalent present and here}#{she need to come back with tentoo and mia in tow: linked arms handcuffed to each other SOMETHING THAT CALMS ME}#{i dunno who they'll cast for mia i dont care BUT MIA BETTER BE IN TOW WITH HER ON SCREEN IF IS MISS ROSE COME BACK}#{its to calm me.}

3 notes · View notes

goratrix-betrayed · 2 years

Text

The Art of Regret, and Why I Can't Do It

This is an essay I originally posted on the Fictionkind Dreamwidth on November 19, 2021. I kept it there to avoid harassment from anyone who might not like what I have to say, but due to the response that my panel got at Othercon, and the fact that I referenced this essay multiple times, I have decided to crosspost it to Tumblr as well.

This is an essay largely aimed at others with "problematic" fiction-based identities. For those who tuned into my panel, you can see some of the same ideas I took to the panel in their infancy, here--I was only three months "old" in terms of being in the system, and had not yet refined many of my ideas.

I hope that it helps someone. You are welcome to reblog this, add discussion if desired, ask questions. Please--interact if you wish to. However, if your intent is to interact with the goal of harassment, remember that I am quick on the block button and also do not care. Respectful debate is fine, cruelty is not.

Content warning for discussions of murder back in-source.

The word regret carries many connotations in addition to its definition. If you regret something, you wish you hadn’t done it; you would like to take it back, do something in its place or abstain from action altogether, or perhaps act when you did not before. However, I have found that this word, regret, often carries a moral or ethical connotation to it when used in relation to actions taken against other people. While “I regret not taking that course in college” or “I regret taking that trip” carry no moral connotation or obligation, “I regret saying that to her” or “I regret pushing him over” do. If you regret what you did to someone, it implies that you feel bad about it, not just that you’d rather that you hadn’t done it.

This is why I cannot regret what I have done.

Back in my “source,” I did bad things, and I do not hide this, but nor do I apologize. I did what I felt was right in the moment; I did what seemed justified. Some of those actions, in hindsight, were foolhardy, absurd, unnecessary, inefficient, or just wasteful. As a result, I wish I had not done them—to do so had negative consequences I did not foresee or desire. However, I cannot say that I regret them, because to do so would imply that I feel bad about what I did.

I do not feel bad about trying to get Myca Vykos killed. (As stated in a previous writing of mine, Sascha does not care if people refer to their “past self” Myca with his name and pronouns, for clarity.) I do not have a moral issue with the actions I took, nor do I consider it deeply out of line or something that I have to, God forbid, atone for. That is not who I am, and that is not my lot in life. Instead, I wish I had never done that to him because, in hindsight, it was stupid. It accomplished nothing, wasted a perfectly good student, and ultimately caused more suffering than I had intended. Had I known that the Tzimisce would Embrace the poor boy, not kill him, I would have pitched him off the tower myself. I certainly never intended for him to go through the torture and horrors that would characterize the next several centuries of his life.

Do I “regret” trying to get him killed? By definition, I suppose, yes, but ultimately I have to say no. I do not feel bad about it. I feel stupid over it, certainly, but not like I did anything wrong, despite knowing that the action was wrong. Doing “bad” things like that rarely bothered me, especially that long after the consecration of Ceoris and, therefore, the loss of most of my few remaining morals. (The rest went after my Embrace and subsequent centuries as a vampire.)

Do I “regret” treating Tremere like I did, towards the end? Perhaps, but again, I feel like I was justified. When the man you love abandons you over a botched ritual, an accidentally killed friend, and a shouting match with your rival, sides against you, and then treats you icily for decades or centuries… What else was I supposed to do? Part of me wishes I had not treated him that way, but the rest of me reminds, he deserved it. He treated me poorly first, he abandoned me first, and he said hurtful things to me first. I will not lie down and take such treatment, and he got what he gave, even as it tore me up inside to not simply accept it, just to try to win him back and let him love me again.

(I tried a few times. It didn’t work either.)

But despite me wishing that I hadn’t had to treat him that way, again, I felt as if I had to, and I still feel justified in that feeling and decision. I have always done what I felt was right: right for myself, for Tremere, for my friends, and for House Tremere as a whole. I did what I could for Clan Tremere until they turned their backs on me, and then I fled.

The closest thing I have to an action that I regret is the slaying of Calderon. After I fled the Clan, Tremere sent him after me. Calderon, the closest thing I had to a brother at that time... He ordered me to return with him to Tremere for punishment, or he would kill me. I would die if I went with him; I told him as much. He attacked me. I had two choices: kill or be killed. For me, there was no moment of hesitation, no decision to be made. As much as I cared for Calderon, I would not die by his hand, for I had not come this far just to get this far. I wish it had not come to that. I miss him many nights, and his death plays over and over in my mind when I think of him. It was a terrible waste, and just another ultimately unnecessary murder on my hands that I was forced into committing.

How can I feel bad about something I had to do? I had no reasonable other choice in most of these situations, and even when I did, at the time, I felt fully justified. I have reached no atonement, no redemption: I am not the tragic hero hiding in the mantle of a villain. I am not recovered nor good; I have not been absolved of my sins and I do not seek such. To say that I am sorry would be a lie, and while I am typically not above such things, I will not lie to you. I am, for all intents and purposes, a bad man, Lawful Evil as D&D would have it, an advocate and disciple of the Path of Power in my own world, having shed Humanity and its virtue of Conscience centuries ago.

Such an idea is anathema to most. Should I not, then, be punished for my transgressions? But I am a fictive; all of my crimes are in my source. I have wronged no one you would consider real. Am I deserving of scorn, of punishment, of harassment and cruelty? Or am I someone to be spoken to in the hopes of helping me find redemption, turning me into someone that I am not? Entire communities could fight, viciously, for years over this binary that does not have to be.

I have seen most “villainous” fictionkin regret the things that they did in their source. That is largely to be expected; in most cases, fictionkin are their own people first, their kintype second. There is a degree of separation in this identity, as far as I can tell. (See my headmate, Research’s, essay "Fiction in the System and Being the "Odd One Out.") I also see this, frequently, in fictives, but not as often. Many fictives “grow” and change to become something beyond their source; they began as a specific character, but grew to find a degree of separation between themselves and that identity, and therefore grow to regret much of what they did. Others simply grow and change as people, and as people do, may come to regret previous actions taken in haste, anger, or other unpleasant circumstances.

What, then, to do when I don’t want that? I don’t want to become one of those people. I’m perfectly happy being who I am. I have been Goratrix for over one thousand years, and while I have, of course, changed over that time—no one is static—old vampires are rarely as dynamic in personality as younger vampires and mortals. If you leave a mortal human alone for five years and return, they will be quite different; if you leave an elder vampire alone for even thrice that and return, they will be much the same. As a result, the idea of rapid change in order to be respected is as anathema to me as the idea of not changing is to the “purity culture” present in most online spaces. I refuse to change myself for others, and I refuse to force myself to be respectable. I am DONE making myself palatable to other people: I did so for decades, nay, centuries amongst House Tremere, forcing myself into molds that I do not fit, re-shaping myself to take on the traits of those around me that made them likable. I will do it no longer, and I will not bend that rule of mine for something as petty as regretting my crimes with the correct moral connotation.

That does not, however, mean that I intend to keep doing harm. I do not see it necessary to do so. I am extracted from the environment of political manipulation and murder, where a single mistake can cost you hundreds of years of work and your unlife. Instead of contemplating killing and manipulating my enemies, now, I mostly play video games and listen to music. Am I changed, reformed? No. I am the same man I have always been, with no environmental factors forcing me to do what must be done. I am only a threat to those that prompt me to be one; in a space such as this, I am, in essence, harmless.

We come, at last, to my questions. Those who made mistakes or did “bad” things in your sources: do you regret it? Why? Talk to me, and do not hold back; you are safe from scorn. I am curious to see if I am the only one who feels this way, and how others approach this topic regarding their own sources. I wonder if the pattern I have noticed in fictionkin vs fictives will continue, or if it has, so far, been coincidence.

Say whatever you’d like. Answer my questions, or don’t. Ask something, if you have something to ask. I am trying to make sense of this, and wonder if anyone else is, too.

Thank you for your time.

#essays #alterhuman #fictionkind #fictive #goratrix's tower talks

13 notes · View notes

ruki--mukami · 1 year

Note

Knocking on Ruki’s bedroom door, Virek entered, seeing the man inside.

“Hey… You’ve been in here a while, but… I have something for you.”

Virek held two rectangular shaped boxes in his hands. One being larger than the other, as the boy stood in the doorway.

“I don’t know much about the holiday… Or what I should have gotten you, but…”

The smaller box, which rested on top, contained a book. Mystery novel that had out pages all out of order, in which you had to take apart and rearrange to understand the story properly. The larger box? A puzzle. A blank jigsaw, with a piece missing— Though this one was larger than the one the pair had done for Virek’s birthday.

“I know it’s not much in terms of gifts… And I’m not a cook, nor do I have any special talents, but…”

Virek trailed off, looking down at his feet for a moment, before taking a breath. After a few long moments, his head tilted upwards; an unfamiliar expression on his face.

He was smiling.

“ I’ll make up for the lack of presents by doing whatever you want for the day… So…”

Virek’s smile widened— One that had his eyes closed. The action felt foreign, and stretched his face in ways he wasn’t used to, but it was genuine.

“Merry Christmas, Ruki.”

hello hello jas !! ik you’re ok hiatus, so you can answer this whenever you wish! but i wanted virek to give ruki a little something for christmas. :’) and i also wanna wish you a happy holidays, or just a good day!! and i hope you’re doing well. 🫂🫂

“A human who claims to know little of Christmas… Well, that’s certainly new. What a rarity,” a sardonic chuckle echoed in the stillness of the eldest Mukami’s bedroom following what felt like an eternity of silence. “But I can’t say it isn’t refreshing to hear someone who also would rather spend his days indoors than outside, subjecting himself to the obnoxious Christmas carols and garish illuminations. If ignorance is bliss, then ignorance towards the holidays must be true paradise.”

While Ruki was the last person to ever succumb to the joys of gift-giving and receiving presents from a cherished one, seeing Virek again after yearning for his presence for so long ignited his heart more so than the warm Christmas lights strung all throughout town, or the sparklers and fireworks to commemorate the new year. Although he lived through and experienced the same useless festivities more than he would’ve liked, more than he could’ve possibly fathomed decades ago, Ruki began to wonder how his stance would change with Virek around. He internally praised the human more than he let on for not indulging in such an excuse to waste money and other resources all in the name of celebration, yet at the same time the Vampire found himself pitying the other for his lack of experiences, deprived of a festivity that all of mankind was all too fond of.

“Really, you didn’t have to go this far for me, Virek. The fact that you would go out of your way to secure something tangible, despite being unfamiliar with the holidays, speaks volumes more than you know. Come to think of it, just where did you find the time to obtain these behind my back? Well, no matter. And enough about how ‘talentless’ you are; talentless or not, I’m glad these gifts are from you, of all people. If it was from anyone else, barring perhaps my brothers, I’d return their presents before they could finish wishing me Merry Christmas. But… Whatever I want, for the rest of the day? That’s bold even for you. Someone as bright as you should know that you’re practically inviting me to torment you.”

Almost hesitantly taking the presents into his large, calloused hands, Ruki unraveled its contents to reveal the disarranged mystery novel as well as the jigsaw with one of its pieces missing. A knowing smirk quickly spread across his visage at the thought of a task so intellectually stimulating, and just thinking of piecing back together a story so intricately scattered about pleased the Vampire greatly. The same could be said for the puzzle, posing even more of a challenge than the one they did together previously, although that smirk soon dissipated at the most unusual sight: a smile on Virek’s face. Time seemingly froze over in that moment, eliciting a raise of Ruki’s brow as if questioning the human boy’s sanity.

“Virek… What’s gotten into you all of a sudden? You’re creeping me out with that look. It doesn’t suit you, and yet I cannot help but admire it. This is the first time I’ve seen you smile so sincerely.”

Approaching the human with an inquisitive expression, Ruki set aside the book and puzzle for later, gently snatching the other’s chin in his cold, pale fingers. Blue depths bore straight into the other’s crimson hues, a stark contrast much like their experience of the cruel world around them. Many humans revered this time as a way to gather their families for one grand feast, or perhaps even court their romantic interests in a magical, wintry setting amidst the Christmas trees and snowfall. One glance, and Ruki immediately knew those joyous occasions were stolen from Virek, yet he mustered this inexplicable kindness to gift the Vampire things he genuinely cared for and appreciated the moment he opened the boxes.

“Don’t smile so much just yet. We’re not finished here. Since you’ve been surprisingly well-behaved, I figured I’d get you something as well. It’s nothing to make a commotion over—not that you would—but I do hope you like it.”

In his other hand, a small, almost perfectly cubed present box emerged, neatly tied with a silver bow atop navy blue wrapping paper. When opened, it would reveal a snow globe: one containing the entirety of Kaminashi layered beneath a thin coat of white as the whole city occasionally glowed and flashed with tiny, vivid lights. Perhaps cliché, maybe even uncharacteristic of Ruki to give to someone else, yet he surmised holding a miniature replica of the area surrounding them in one’s palms would be only the start to their relationship of forming new, much more colorful, memories together.

“You and I have stayed under this roof longer than necessary, Virek. Even a good master ought to take his prey out for a walk or two,” he said half-jokingly. “Anywhere you want to go, just this once, we’ll go there together.”

🧩 WHINNNN omg I missed you so much, I'm so sorry this is a late reply. I hope you are doing well and thank you for the holiday wishes. ;_; 🧩

#diabolik lovers #ruki mukami #mukami ruki #ask #rp #virek sutcliffe #viruki #christmas 2022 #diabolik lovers rp

6 notes · View notes

one-chicago-fanfiction · 2 years

Note

How are you feeling about the episode? I’m sad, and it felt a bit like and incomplete goodbye but at least I kinda understand why it had to be that way

Hi, sweet anon. Answers below the cut 💜

I’m feeling a mixture of things. Sadness, for sure, but also gratitude. Ten years is a long time to get to spend with a beloved character on our screens, and the fact that Jay has ended up meaning so much to so many of us just shows how good much of the writing has been over the years, and how incredible Jesse has been at bringing Jay to life for us. Also, fanfic has enhanced my love for Jay as well. I’ve loved writing for him, and reading other people’s writing for him. I’ve loved making him queer as all hell in my writing, and I’m gonna continue to do so. We can keep him around in our fics. There’s a part of that thought that also makes me feel kind of sad, but hopeful at the same time. His final arc, about which I’ll share my feelings below, has already sparked an idea for a fic I’m gonna start planning at the coffee shop tomorrow morning.

In terms of the episode, and Jay’s final arc, it all felt very rushed. I genuinely think they could have made this storyline interesting and impactful, our wired-through-the-heart boy getting lost in the grey area that is ten years of working under Voight and the example he sets. The thought of Jay finding himself wanting to resort to Voight’s tactics to make cases go how he needs them to is interesting to me, because Jay is self aware enough to then realise he needs to get out at that point, that this is changing him and he doesn’t like it, doesn’t like himself this way. Excuse me, though, he does not want to be Voight. I don’t buy it. He wants to make use of the tactics Voight does, in order to make things right in any way he can. That I would buy. Deciding not to be Voight because Voight has always told him not to be??? Nah. But leaving because he was overwhelmed by all the morally grey stuff going on around him, perpetuated by his boss? I understand that too. If they’d had more time, they could have landed it right.

I like that they honoured Jay’s character by making his ending about his morals, a big part of who he has been from the start. I’m not glad he went back to the army after what we know it did to him before, and I seriously wish they’d taken at least half a season to show us how Jay was starting to feel, to show him on this descent into hopelessness that led him to KILLING A MAN, rather than have him already be at the end of a journey we never actually saw him taking.

I love Jay Halstead, I’m gonna miss him so much, and I can’t wait to write more silly little stories about him to help keep him around ❤️❤️

#jay halstead #chicago pd #hugs for your sadness anon

6 notes · View notes

immobiliter · 2 years

Text

META: robin & nancy’s dynamic in st4

okay so the first thing i really want to delve into in terms of season 4 is the dynamic that develops between robin and nancy because i love it very much and it tells us so much about robin’s character. out of everything that i’ve been given for robin this season, her friendship with nancy is easily my favourite ( even though i have blatant favouritism for robin & steve’s dynamic and loved that too in st4, the truth is that st3 was their season ) because it’s nice to finally see robin interact with a girl her own age ( bear in mind that steve was the only character her own age that she interacted with in st3 ). i also didn’t expect these two to get along at the start and i loved how their relationship developed from that.

full disclosure, this is not a shipping manifesto. i’m not really here to talk romantically about robin & nancy, this is mainly a deep dive and character analysis of how they work as a duo rather than inferring any romantic subtext.

so firstly, the most important point is that the friendship that these two develop is so incredibly important for both characters. i don’t have to write nancy to tell you that robin is the first female friend we’ve seen for her on screen since barb and that’s a big deal for her ( and probably explains a lot about how stand-offish she is in the beginning ), especially as robin/barb parallels are everywhere and the duffers are cowards for not doing more with it. then there’s robin, a closeted lesbian in the 1980s who i think has always struggled with making close friends but particularly with other girls because she is always holding a part of herself back. even if she doesn’t have a crush on a girl that she is friends with, a part of her will always be wondering what that friend would make of her if the truth about her sexuality came out, and whether it would change their friendship ( this is also why I believe that robin gets along better with boys in general ). so seeing her become friends with another girl her own age is extremely important both to her and to me tbh.

it’s also the most significant interaction we see for her outside of the steve / dustin triad. she interacts with max a little in the first couple of episodes of st4 ( and i really wish they’d done more with those two ), but it’s clear those two are at the very least acquaintances, whereas with nancy robin is starting completely from scratch. they meet briefly at the end of st3 but it’s very clear they haven’t really interacted since then and definitely don’t move in the same circles at school nor have the same interests.

they are both very different, and at their core their partnership this season fits the classic narrative trope of putting the quirky character ( robin ) up against the ‘straight man’ ( nancy ) for comedic and narrative value, and i find this so interesting and refreshing with robin & nancy because you rarely see this happen with two female characters. i just think it’s neat tbh.

they are both very smart ( no matter how neurodivergent coded robin is, she demonstrates in both st3 & 4 that she is both very perceptive and very intelligent ), but very different sorts of thinkers ---- I don’t write nancy but she strikes me as someone who approaches problems very rationally. she’s the reporter: she looks at the facts, creates a very clear plan of action and then tends to not deviate much from it. she’s stubborn and driven and is less likely to bend or capitulate in the face of resistance. robin, meanwhile, is more of a lateral thinker --- she also looks at logic and facts but she is much more likely to think outside of the box and come up with a creative and unorthodox solution to a problem. there’s a reason sherlock scan is one of her tv tropes and is essentially what happens in the scene where she cracks the russian code: she can create connections that other characters might not have thought about because she looks at things from a different angle to most people. same with the way she comes up with the idea to use customers’ rental history at family video to narrow down the list of eddie’s contacts. i know everyone equates dustin to sherlock holmes but robin is right there okay.

with nancy, this is demonstrated when robin is the one to suggest looking through the weekly watcher conspiracy theory-esque articles, and unlike nancy who dismisses the idea as soon as she sees the elvis article, robin is openminded and patient enough to stick with it until it gets them the result they’re looking for.

robin also strikes me as the better improviser of the two of them, and better at ad-libbing on the spot, as she does when it’s clear that nancy’s tactics to win over anthony at pennhurst aren’t going to work. from the beginning, their trip to pennhurst is absolutely nancy’s plan. she comes up with the aliases, she puts robin in clothes from her wardrobe, she takes the lead ---- right up until the moment that robin intervenes, and that’s also when their dynamic finally shifts into a much more equal partnership. as i said, robin is extremely perceptive when she’s focused and is very good at reading the people around her. she realises that things aren’t going well and quickly formulates a plan on the spot to try and counter it. she even uses her own discomfort with her clothing and playing a role that doesn’t suit her to her advantage by turning it around and using it to appeal to him. everything she says is grounded in truth to help make it more convincing --- even when she talks about victor creel and the ‘forgive me if i want to learn a little bit more about how his twisted, but let’s face it, totally fascinating mind works’ part. i think that is 100% the honest truth. human nature fascinates robin and she loves having the chance to put her mind at work figuring people out. cough cough sherlock holmes steve should have totally tried quoting him to robin instead.

it’s that moment that establishes robin & nancy as equals going forward, and this is where i think about how differently the pennhurst trip would have played out if robin had gone with steve instead. robin and steve are already equals, they have a very natural rapport and their minds work in a very similar way. with nancy, it gave both of them a chance to develop: for nancy, it proved that she needn’t be an independent lone wolf the entire time ( contrast nancy dragging jonathan into her investigations in st3 vs. with robin in st4 ), that she can rely on others and be more open-minded to different perspectives on the same problem. to robin, it was a chance to prove to herself to nancy and to herself tbh. she hasn’t been a core member of the party since the beginning: the only reason she’s involved at all is because she worked a summer job with steve and dustin brought a coded russian message into her place of work lmao. this season was the first season where she was paired up with the entire party ( or at least everyone still in hawkins at this point ) and i think in the face of nancy wheeler’s determination and ambition, and the way she often takes the lead role in the group, robin felt the need to prove that she was just as capable. just as smart. and just as valuable to the hawkins group as a whole.

#* / character study ( robin buckley. )#stranger things spoilers #i could talk about steve in relation to them too but meh #that can be another meta #also steve... kept cramping the vibe of their scenes lmao #nancy's scenes with robin are some of my favourite of hers in the /entire show/#her dynamic with robin made me like her so much #her dynamic with the boys... not so much #proof that girl power wins over love triangles

8 notes · View notes

phanfictioncatalogue · 1 year

Text

Fics Starting With the Word “And” Masterlist

And (ao3) - iihappydaysii

Summary: Phil's missing Dan while he's at uni, and he's very happy for some unexpected time together.

And Anthony Makes Three (ao3) - Do_it_with_the_Howell_Lesters

Summary: People can never agree on whether or not Dan and Phil are together. Anthony believes they are just best friends, until one day during a visit he walks in on them, and now he doesn’t. Now he thinks he knows everything, until Phil invites him to join. Lots of kinky smut ensues.

And A Solution - phanfictioned

Summary: Dan has terminal cancer.

and here you are living (despite it all) - phanetixs

Summary: Commitment threading through each day as it passes, a fine line of silk that culminates in Dan’s smile, wide and crinkly. Whenever he looks at Phil.

“and i didn’t tell anyone until now. literally.” - farquaadphillywrites

Summary (tw): Dan tells Phil about his suicide attempt.

And I Try to Refrain, But You're Stuck In My Brain (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: "It's strange - I feel like I've known you way longer than I actually have."

Dan Howell and Phil Lester are moderately popular youtubers who have never met each other before, and despite being rather different in terms of how they act and the content of their videos, their audience is practically the same.

Always checking what their audiences have to say, Dan and Phil find that people would like to see them collaborate for a video, to which they eventually oblige to, contacting each other and meeting up.

Getting to know one another after filming together for the first time, they come to find that they have some similar interests, and become fast friends, keeping in contact.

Dan, crushing hard and fast on Phil, wonders if his feelings are returned, and with advice from his best friend (and guidance counsellor when the time is right) Louise, he can't go wrong, right?

And If Anyone Asks, You're My Best Friend (ao3) - pinkpjm

Summary: In which Phil gets a girlfriend, Dan is jealous, then Phil is sexually frustrated, so Dan gets him off.

and if we're meant to, i'll meet you there (ao3) - manchestereye (orphan_account)

Summary: The five times Dan and Phil meet unexpectedly and the one time they don't.

And if You Were My Little Boy (I’d do Whatever I Could Do) (ao3) - TheUKAmazingDan

Summary: Dan is always left to take care of Adrian while his parents are away. When Phil comes over, he decides that perhaps both little boys could use a bit of babysitting.

and in my dreams (ao3) - howelllesters

Summary: I Wish You Merry Christmas: Phil Lester, begrudingly attending work’s Christmas Eve party, happens upon Dan Howell, famous musician and not someone Phil’s a fan of. Cue awkward dancing, near-kisses, and a taxi that leaves at midnight sharp.

Happy New Year, Too: Phil Lester, huge fan of New Year’s Eve parties where everyone has a good time with minimal drama, not such a big fan of people ringing his doorbell persistently. Dan Howell, huge fan of being booked for concerts and actually attending them, until now.

Hints of Cinderella, a sprinkle of Love Actually, and a bunch of festive goodness.

And, Like Putting On Glasses, I Saw the World in Perfect Clarity (ao3) - cactuslester

Summary: Dan thinks this trip to the Isle of Man will be like all the other trips to visit the Lesters. Little does he know, Phil has a 3 carat surprise for him.

And Love Is Not A Choice - darren-fucking-chriss

Summary: It’s 2009 and Dan realises he still hasn’t told Phil he’s bisexual and not straight.

and maybe we'll work this out (ao3) - localopa

Summary: old habits die hard. sometimes those habits can make your flatmate kiss you and realize, shit, you're in love with them.

and more still to come (ao3) - cityofphanchester

Summary: He wonders for half a second whether it was stupid to come here, whether he’ll have to go home tomorrow restless with worry over how much of Dan he actually knows.

“I’m starving,” Dan says, and it’s his regular familiar voice.

and my fate has begun to change (ao3) - ovely

Summary: Dan has an inspiring piano teacher as a teenager and decides to dedicate his life to music. After he starts uploading piano videos to YouTube, he finds himself unintentionally becoming a popular YouTuber. Then he meets Phil, and slowly finds a life more like that of the Dan we know.

And Shiba Makes Three (ao3) - happy_endings15

Summary: After moving to a big new house in Brighton, Dan and Phil decide it’s no better time to get a dog, and this rescue Shiba Inu seems perfect. But is Dan really up for the responsibility of caring for a dog?

And So They Did - phanfluffs

Summary: soulmate au where the first thing your soulmate says is tattooed on your arm, however, both dan and phils tattoos are in a foreign language that they don’t understand (as in they don’t speak the same language)

and so we heal, slowly. (ao3) - keeplovinanyway

Summary: "I was such an asshole for a while," Dan says, and it knocks the air out of Phil's lungs.

~~~

Back when Dan was at his worst, mentally, Phil hurt too. He did it silently and quietly, barely acknowledging to himself what he felt.

Now, years later, Dan apologizes, Phil revisits old pain, and lets himself be loved by Dan.

Relationships aren't easy and straightforward, but this fight has been worth it, and they both know that.

and the days after that (ao3) - cityofphanchester

Summary: He can hear Dan’s voice coming down the hall, laughing with someone from the crew, and it makes his breath stop in his chest.

(doomed tour usa, autumn 2022)

And They Lived Happily Ever After (ao3) - MirabelleG

Summary: Phil, Dan and Louise all work together at Disneyland. Phil acts as Prince Philip with Louise as Aurora and Dan is Prince Eric. All three are close friends until one day a fan makes Phil realize that he might want something more.

and they were (not) roommates (ao3) - dakogutin

Summary: dan wakes up in the hufflepuff dorms

and we're out here in plain sight (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Phil's an optimistic author whose science fiction novel is well on its way to becoming a film. Dan's an actor whose cynism toward love is nothing short of infuriating. It takes a while, but they find something to agree on.

And When The Stardust Fades Away, I Hope You'll Stay (ao3) - tiniestbauble

Summary: Dan's life had ups and downs. And then there was a very naked Phil, who crash-landed into his window and into his life right from the sky to grant Dan his hearts desires. Only the heart is a notorious creature, it desires what Phil isn't sure he can grant Dan. But somehow along the journey Dan's heart learns there is always hope-things do get better. And there is a dog in the story. He is a good dog, a very good boye, the very best in fact!

and when you start to feel the rush (ao3) - crescendohowell

Summary: dan’s never had sex with a boy and he wonders what it’s like. phil says that he can show him. (literally just 2009 first time porn with minimal plot)

and you already got the motion (ao3) - queerofcups

Summary: It's not like that, Phil swears. They're not like that.

Except.

Except maybe they are.

And You Can Tell Everybody This Is Your Song (ao3) - starrywrite

Summary: The stars and moon are still high in the sky when Phil finds himself being awoken by the sounds of Thom Yorke’s song “Ingenue” coming from his next door neighbor’s flat. The music fills his thoughts and invades his dreams, bringing him back to consciousness and even though his neighbor’s piano playing is more pleasant to wake up to than his usual alarm, it doesn’t take away from the fact that he’s still being woken up at three in the morning.

also known as, “my asshole neighbour keeps playing the piano at 3am” au

#phanfictioncatalogue #phanfiction #phanfic #phan #masterlists #ficsand #ficsand masterlist

5 notes · View notes