GOOD MAYOMORNING FRIENDSSS!!!! 🧡🧡🧡

so so sorry for being ia lately waaaah (⁠っ⁠˘̩⁠╭⁠╮⁠˘̩⁠)⁠っ stuffs been tough lately BUT!!! IM ALMOST DONE AND I HAVE A WIP TO SHOW YOU!!!

LOOK AT ALL OF THESE!!! im going back fr...

Oh man! I haven't posted much on my Tumblr in SOOO long! I've been drawing a lot lately and so I want to share because I think I've gotten so much better! I just watched Fallout show and wanted to try a sort of pop art style! So here's my three favorite characters 🥰

ACOTAR's Rant That's Been Long Overdue!!!! BEWARE AND MY BAD, ITS A LONG ONE.

I won't lie it's been a long while since I've read the books and I still haven't read ACOSF yet (or if I even will?!) But over the years I've changed my opinion on alot of things concerning the books and fan pairings, etc. And lately I've had the urge to re look over ACOTAR content on tumblr and I finally decided to make this post. One I've been meaning to for awhile!

I want to start out by saying that I absolutely loved "A Court of Thorns and Roses" and Feylin, I finished that book in one night. I couldn't wait to read more of their story and learn more of this world SJM had created. Went into the series before it exploded on Tik - Tok or wherever so I went in without spoilers. Like I said I was looking forward to reading more but I also simultaneously had a sneaking suspicion that SJM was gonna try to give Feyre a new love interest and it did not sit well with me at all!! I kept saying or thinking things like "she better not give Feyre a new love interest" "she better not mess up Feylin", and that's exactly what she did!!

She "villainzed" or tried to anyways, Tamlin. I'm not gonna lie I got really irritated, and even though it wasn't Tam's fault how things played out I was kind of upset with him. I never hated him though and even though I hated the idea of a new love interest - with time I grew to greatly enjoy them. I read all of the books and considered them to be some of my favorite books, I even shipped Elriel hardcore while also shipping Elucien and also lowkey Nessian (before ACOSF). With time I fell into the delusion of Elriel, Nessian, Feysand and The Inner Circle, of the series in general. By the end of ACOWAR though even though I liked Feysand - I was getting kind of tired of reading about them and was looking forward to and wanting a different pairing to take center stage.

Subconsciously at times I think I did realize how toxic and awful Feysand and parts of the Inner Circle was etc, but it didn't register til later on. It's like I glossed over it cause I was sooo "entralled" with the series and character's. I was delulu about alot of things, about my liking for Feysand, my hardcore fangirling over Elriel, etc.

I was the biggest shipper of Elriel, I wanted them together so bad and the idea of them not getting together - I thought it would depress me out. Insane ik. Like before I became a hardcore Elriel shipper I shipped Elucien and was liking and hoping for their endgame until we started getting more Elriel content. Then my love for Elriel overshadowed that of Elucien. I was obsessing about anything relating to Elriel and couldn't wait for any possible clues or interactions in ACOSF pertaining to an Elriel endgame. There was even gonna be a pov from Azriel (he was my favorite batboy) and I was really excited. Then ACOSF came out and so did the spoilers. I hadn't gotten my hands on a book yet but the curiosity was too strong, so I went on tumblr to see what had been posted, etc.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . To say I was shocked was an understatement. It was the fastest death of a love pertaining to a fan pairing and character. I'm a fangirl, fangirling is what I do. I get overenthusiastic about tv shows and movies and bonds between characters. I was so disgusted by Azriel's pov, it was very unexpected. Like yes I imagine there would be some lustful thoughts or whatever but this is the first time we are getting his pov and you give us that! I had a certain idea of how I thought of Elain and Azriel and I loved it and the symbolism etc but what I read or found out totally ruined the idea I had of them. How I thought of them. Even the idea of liking them. Now I sincerely hope they don't end up together and she hopefully gets with Lucien and gets out of the Night court and away from the Inner Circle and Feysand. I've grown to ship and love Elucien the way I did Elriel before Az's pov.

I even really like and love the idea of Tamlin and Elain or Elain x Lucien x Elain. I feel like even though ACOTAR was supposedly a Beauty and The Beast retelling, Elain seems more like Belle to me, in look wise and gentleness anyways. And she would be so good with Tamlin and his healing even though I'm also a hardcore Elucien girly. I'd be so happy with either Elucien, Tamlain or Elucien x Tamlain x Tamlucien (whatever their ship name is!?)

In terms of Nessian. I always liked Nessian, I wasn't super hardcore about them like I was Elriel, Elucien, Feylin but I still really liked them or saw their potential too. But then I started hearing about things pertaining to Nessian and Nesta's character in ACOSF and I even heard things such as them ruining Nesta's character and bowing to Rhys, etc. Like maybe they ruined her character for the sake of Feysand or something?! And even though I already dislike what I'm hearing about Nessian, I still plan to read ACOSF even though it's gonna be a struggle re reading the series with how much I've grown to dislike Feysand, Rhysand, The Inner Circle, Elriel, etc. I almost don't want to re read the series with how annoyed I've grown about them, may take me some time but I will at some point in time. I'm in no rush though but I would be looking forward to re read ACOTAR.

Cassian is a shitty mate from what I've been hearing and that makes me start to dislike him too. Even though I have yet to completely make up my mind about Nessian til after I read ACOSF, Cassian is on thin ice. Not gonna lie though I kind of wish and hope Nessian aren't endgame because of what I've heard, even though I have yet to read ACOSF. I feel like Nesta deserves better and it might be an unpopular opinion but I think Nesta and Tamlin would be an absolutely freaking perfect endgame or pairing!!!!!!!??

Nesta and Tamlin both were given the same completely unfair, ridiculous, disgusting hate or treatment by the author and fandom. They both need healing, and could be the people who heal each other?! Even though Elain gives Belle vibes from her looks and gentleness, she doesn't have the most important Belle factor that Nesta does. NESTA LOVES BOOKS!! Could Nesta be the actual Belle to Tamlin's or ACOTAR Beauty and the Beast Retelling??!!!! Idk but I think Nesta and Tam would be way better than Cassian and Nesta.

I feel like the author has made her batboys too hornified and has sexualized her romantic pairings to the point she's ruining them!! Smut is fine in a book but when it's overdone and it's all a relationship is, it's not a pairing worth rooting for and it's kind of disgusting. I'd rather have a slow burn, cliche, romantic couple or pairing with few smutty scenes than a pairing that's too over sexualized and has multiple, constant, sex scenes. Other possible unpopular opinions:

- Tamlin is 100% more likable and better than Rhysand. Tamlin isn't without his flaws but the double standardization between Tamlin and Rhysand is incredibly unfair and unwarranted. Tamlin gets way too much hate for a character in a series filled with many other/worse flawed characters.

- Tamlin doesn't need a redemption arc, he needs a healing arc. He deserves a happy ending and love too!! I hope his court is replenished and flourishes.

- SJM character assassinated Feyre and others for the sake of Feysand, Rhysand and The Inner Circle.

- The ACOTAR series is filled with inconsistencies, double standards, etc.

- ACOTAR was the best book!!

- The Inner Circle, Batboys, Rhysand, and Feysand is highly overrated.

- Feyre deserves better.

- SJM should backpeddle on the smut and focus on building up of relationships and focusing on the romance. Stop using smut as an excuse for plot!

- Elain, Lucien, and Nesta need to get out of the Night Court and away from the Inner Circle and Feysand. (Feyre should too but that definitely won't happen!) They need their own story plots with story progression that doesn't involve the Night Court, Feysand, and The Inner Circle.

- Nesta and Tamlin should be endgame or an option at the very least. THE POTENTIAL!!!!! 😭❤️✊

- Rhysand is the villain of the series. It would be the greatest twist but also wouldn't be a twist because there's heavy evidence of him being a villian and manipulating those around him.

- Theory that Rhysand has been mind controlling Feyre the whole time!!

- There should be more focus on the other lands and courts.

- An Elucien novel should have nothing to do with the Night Court or Inner Circle or Feysand. I'm so tried of other ships and character's revolving heavily around Feysand, the Inner Circle, and the Night Court. Not everything is about them!!

hellooo, so this is my first time writing for something that isn't my college classes. okay well that's technically a lie but I haven't written for Tumblr in years sooo that doesn't count. I've been in intense choso brain rot lately, and had this idea about yandere choso who develops a ✨️savior complex✨️ I hope you enjoy, if the interest is there I'll def make a pt. 2 ♡

TW: yandere themes, stalking, obsession, delusional thoughts, mentions of kidnapping

Yandere!Choso who first saw you at his favorite coffee shop. You were a new hire, and so so so pretty. He was star-struck from the moment he laid eyes on you. ‘Angels really do exist’ was all he could think, embarrassing himself when you had to repeat, "What would you like, sir?" to snap him out of his thoughts that are now overrun with you.

Yandere!Choso whose obsession starts out harmless, or at least as harmless as an obsession could be. He always checks through the window to see if you're working, not bothering to waste his time if you’re not there. If you do happen to be working, he’ll spend hours 'working' on the laptop he brings, when in reality, he's secretly studying you from afar, his coffee long becoming cold and forgotten.

Yandere!Choso whose observations from afar quickly become not enough for him, he needs more. He starts following you home, being careful not to get too close. ‘Why are you walking home alone? Don't you know it's dangerous?’ He's only protecting you, or at least that's what his mind tries to tell him. He's not a creep, he's just making sure you get home safely.. right?

Yandere!Choso whose mind can't find any justification for hiding outside your bedroom window, watching you go through your nightly routine. He just can't help himself :( How is he not supposed to watch when you’re right there? Revealing things that make you, you. Things that no one else gets to see but him at this moment. It feels special to him.

Yandere!Choso whose heart breaks one night hearing you cry to a friend about how stressed you were, how unhappy you were, how you felt stuck. How you wish someone would save you. At that moment, his purpose in life was made clear to him. He could be your savior. No.. he would be your savior. Him and only him. After all, no one could ever love or care about you the way he does.

Yandere!Choso who doesn't spend as much time at the coffee shop, takes the time to work extra hours at his job to begin making his home perfect for you. A home that will bring you more happiness than your heart could bear to handle. His heart swelled with determination to be your knight in shining armor. He doesn't care how long he has to work, not when it's for your sake.

Yandere!Choso who shows up to the coffee shop months later, the day he's carefully planned to take you away from all the frustrations of life and give you the happiness and love that you deserve. Yeah, you'll be sad about your friends and family.. but they don't truly love you. They just tack on to your burdens, and he'll be patient with you in getting you to realize that. He won't let you suffer any further.

He's come to save you.

The man in the mask || 18+ Fem!Reader x Simon "Ghost" Riley || part 1

・❥・Part of the previous story: Conflicted feelings ・❥・Masterlist

・❥・Tags/Warning: 18+, NSFW, Sexual themes, Blowjob, Fingering, Vaginal sex, Protected sex but no mention of condom used, Reader is assumed to take birth control. Reader is virgin, Body worship, slight mentions of Ghost's trauma, Ghost is dom but mostly a big softie. Guides reader through everything. Aftercare, cuddles and mostly smut/fluff. No angst

Note: The game also follows off from MW2 so the events are not canon at all to MW3.If any of this just so happens to be in MW3  then no way shape or form is this fanfic related to the canon events of the game

・❥・A/N: I haven't written on here for SOOO long so I wanted to write something for you all. I've been so busy with home life and I need to get back into writing. I wanted to spoil you all so enjoy ;) This is also like SUPER long. Probably the longest one shot I've ever done Had to do it in three parts since tumblrs word count hated me for this I'll leave a link down below for the second one Part two: The man in the mask || Fem!Reader x Simon "Ghost" Riley Part three: The man in the mask || Fem!Reader x Simon "Ghost" Riley part 3 ・❥・Word count: 4,356

Your relationship with Ghost was growing more with each passing day. Nothing felt awkward anymore although he was still the same lieutenant you met when he's with the team. You both tried to keep your relationship hidden, at least for now. Although he wasn't shy of showing you love and affection whenever you both had alone time.

You can't lie though, the desire for him grew a little more each day as you caught him stealing glances when he thought you weren't paying attention. His eyes fixated on your breasts just for a little too long or the way he snakes his gaze to the cures of your waist. You could only dream what it would finally be like to have you both naked, breathless and covered in sweat. His hands touching and tracing every inch of your soft skin. It was enough to keep you awake some nights as the fire between your legs could only be settled by your fingers, wishing it was him.As much as you wanted him, you was to scared to bring it up to him. The gnawing need and desire for him was scratching inside of you, but you put it to side. Too ashamed to admit your lust for Simon. : ̗̀➛

It was late at night and you were laying in bed, your body remained still although your mind had different plans. The man in the mask was the only thing on your mind and as much as you tried you just couldn't get him off your mind. The ache in your legs was on high alert tonight, the most it has been and to no avail you can't sleep. You thought about reliving yourself but decided against it as you didn't wanna make a mess of your bedsheets, since they were recently cleaned and washed.So, as much as you hate it, you decide to go speak to the man who's been engraved in your mind the past few weeks.

You get out of bed and put on some shorts and a hoodie. Deciding against not to wear underwear. You check the time. 2:20am. You just hope he was still awake. Knowing Ghost though he would never sleep, or at least only sleep when he's with you.You leave your dorm and head over to Simons and you hesitate for a second as you begin to second question it."Stop being a pussy your a soldier in task force 141 for gods sake..." You mutter to yourself as you bring your hand to the door and you knock before you change your mind again.

A few seconds later the door swings open and Ghost looks down. His balaclava fitting smug around his face.

"Y/n?...Is everything alright...you aren't usually awake at this time." His voice is a whisper as he offers his hand, You take it and he brings you inside."Can't...sleep...." You bite your lip and he closes the door behind him.

"Bad dream?" He brings his hand to lift your chin up lightly, trying to look for any signs of discomfort in your eyes. His touch sends a shiver down your spine.

"No...nothing like that." You look away, knowing eye contact is making your emotions run more 

wild."Then what's wrong?" Ghost's voice suddenly turns to concern and he brings you a little closer.

"Just...thoughts...good thoughts, but I don't know how to put them into words." You blush lightly and he seems to catch on what you're trying to achieve. He sits down and he pulls you to him so your straddling his lap.

"Then why don't you show me through actions then babe?" He strokes your cheek with his thumb and you could just give in to him then and there. He chuckles at your response and he pulls his balaclava just enough to reveal his lips. He grabs your hair and kiss's you deeply, Your hunger purrs in reply as you lean into him, pressing your lips harder to his. He licks your bottom lip and you grip his waist tightly. He pulls away and he whispers in your ear

"I understood you loud and clear, but just before we go further. Is this what you want?" His voice is laced with seduction and his voice is deep, a new side to Ghost you never knew, but still enough to care. Not wanting to do anything you're uncomfortable with.

"Yes..." Is all you can imagine to say, your heart racing and you can only imagine the things that you and ghost are about to do. Your mind goes giddy with the sudden rush of excitement as you can't lie; you've been dreaming about this the past few weeks.

"Mmm...good...Just so you know, I won't hold back...just let me know if you ever want to stop." He kisses your jaw slightly causing your mouth to open slightly and you nod eagerly. Not caring, just wanting to be with him. His hands grip your waist with need and he pulls your hips closer to his. His head burrows into your neck as he begins to place wet, sloppy kisses along your neck and shoulder.

You let out a shaky breath and he lightly bites down your skin, leaving a hickey; running his tongue over the mark.

"Mine...." He mumbles against your skin, his nose rubbing along. You clutch onto him tighter as your heart hammers in your chest and he moves his lips to your ear where he tugs and pulls it with his teeth gently.

"Simon..." A small moan escapes you and he pulls away and his grip tightens on you. Just enough to form small bruises at the fingertips.

"Yes love?" He whispers huskily, tilting your chin to look at you.

"I...I need you." You squeak, not wanting to waste another moment.

"Needy little thing, ain't you...patience baby." He kisses' you again but more rougher. His tongue runs along your lips, begging for entrance. You open your mouth and his tongue dips into yours. Running it along yours as he entices another soft moan from you. You feel him grow from under you, his pants begin to strain as he kiss's you more. His tongue dancing along yours and you begin to suck on his tongue. He groans and he bites your lip, drawing blood."Fuck...y/n...look how hard you've gotten me already...." He looks down to his pants, a very visible bulge.

"Be a good girl and let it out for me." He growls, you just nod, and your hands slowly reach for his pants. He's still in his work clothes and he watches you with lust, his gaze watching your every move.

"That a girl, just unbuckle my belt and slide my jeans down like a good little girl." He orders and you begin to unbuckle his belt. Your fingers fumbling both from nervousness and excitement.

"It's alright Y/n, You're doing perfect." His words of encouragement are enough to finally undo his belt and you work on his jeans. Once his jeans are off you can see the lining of his shaft through his boxers. He was certainly large and you felt your pussy throb at the sight and you it clenches as you think of what it would be like to feel it. Inside you as he slams it deep inside your core. Hungry you reach your hand into his boxers and your palm grazes along his shaft.

"Ah ah...easy...just pull it out for me, yeah?" He suddenly stops your hand and you slide his boxers down and his cock springs out, precum already leaking from the bud. Some of it runs from your hand and he chuckles lightly.

Your eyes stare at his size, his cock pulsing now and then and you only realize just how much of a mess you are gonna be, the animal inside you going feral as your mouth begins to water.

"Like what you see?" Ghost teases as he looks into your eyes, his eyes full of desire.

"Suck it..." He points to his cock and you blush profusely, you have very little experience to sex. Ghost was your first partner since you never cared for relationships before joining the army.. He notices your reaction and he  bends down to cup your cheek.

"Hey it’s okay…I’ll guide you. Just open your mouth for me love. I’ll guide you down.” His hand clutches around his shaft and he aligns the tip with your mouth. You take a deep breath before parting your lips. He carefully slips the tip in and the head rubs along your tongue. Ghost stiffles a groan.

“There ya go…if you can, run your tongue along the bud, get an idea of how big I am.” He soothes and coos you as he praises you. You slowly move your tongue and swirl it along the bud, the sweet nectar of precum dripping slightly down your throat.

“T-thats it…” Ghost rasps, encouraging you more. You begin to gain more confidence and you move further down and Ghost gasps. Taking him in your mouth, sucking and slurping as you grip on his legs for stability.“Oh fuck~...that…that a girl Y/n. You…fuck you feel so good.” Ghost breaths, allowing you to do all the work as he watches your head bob up and down. His hand gripping your hair, he buckles his hips, jerking him deeper down you. You gag by surprise as he hits the back of your throat

“S-sorry…I…you just feel so….you just…god….mmmm.” He groans as you lick your tongue along from his halt to the head, dipping it into his tilt. Precum meeting your tastebuds, making you want more.

“Oh….oh…oh god…oh fucking hell Y/n….such a good girl. Taking me well so easily baby….I’m gonna make sure I reward you.” Ghost groans, enjoying the feeling of your mouth wrapped around his erection.

You gag more, he’s certainly large and you weren't expecting him to be so big, but you take him anyways. The hunger inside you more than your concern for your throat. You begin to suck harder and faster, the reactions from Ghost only driving you more. Just wanting to please him and only him. His cock jerks and moves lightly as you work your magic. Swirling your tongue along his veins with delicacy.

“Oh fuck…I’m close…” He holds himself back just to not raveges your throat here and there but he knows if he did, he’d probably ruin you. So he just clutches the bed sheets.

Ghost pants heavily more and he tilts his head back as you begin to work faster. It’s not long until Ghost lets out a loud groan and you taste a salty, warm liquid fill your mouth, he cums into your mouth, he grunts and moans as he works on filling you with his climax.

“Mmmmmpgh~” Ghost grunts as he pumps a load into you. Feeling the slick trickle down your throat and you take it all. Greedily.

Once you know he’s done you pull away from him, his dick leaving your mouth with a satisfying pop. You breath heavily as you try to regain yourself. Wiping your mouth as some of his seed drips from your chin.

“Good girl….such a good girl for me.” Ghost strokes your chin, wiping away any cum that may have landed on your face. He pats his lap, beckoning you.“Come here…I want to reward my good girl.” He ushes you. You get back up and you sit on his lap once more, his cock still standing upright as it runs along your hoodie, covering it with his cum.

“Such a sweet little thing…” He strokes your cheek and he slowly begins to lift your hoodie. You lift your arms and he removes it in one swift moment. Revealing your chest, his eyes glance at your exposed chest and he doesn't smirk  but he just looks at you adoringly.

“So fucking beautiful…” He brings his mouth and makes his way to kiss and suckle along your skin as he moves to your breasts. You gasp and your hands grip onto his hair as he advances to one of your buds. Kissing and licking the nipple. Covering it with his salvia. He laps it like a baby, pulling and biting it gently. You bite back a moan as you didn't know your buds was that sensitive

“God…you are so fucking perfect.” He mumbles as he plays and suckles, enticing moans and whimpers from you. Worshiping you like a goddess, his words like honey as it just makes you fall for him more.

“It’s like an angel themself carved your body…” He purred, closing his eyes as he makes sloppy licks to your other bud. Your body is arching and aching for more. His fingers trail along your skin, capturing and captivating every curve. Like he’s memorizing you like a painting, he rubs small but firm circles along your arms and legs, his lips kissing every inch of you softly and tenderly. He brings his mouth down to your inner thighs, licking and sucking near your cunt as he lifts your shorts up to do so. You let out a small moan in response, knowing how close he is to your sweet spot.

“I suppose it’s only fair I reward you, hmmm?” He chuckles lightly as he pulls away. His hands guiding their way down to your shorts. You whimper, wanting him more and more with each passing second.

Not a second later he dips his hand into your shorts and his fingers find your already soaking wet core.“You’re already soaked, darling…so eager…so needy.” He coos and you buckle your hips in response, the feeling overtaking you as you feel nothing but pure lust for him. He dips one finger inside of your core and you gasp, tilting your head back and he kisses your neck and back, making sure you're comfortable.

“Relax for me…just let me take control.” He begins to stroke and you moans become muffled as you burrow your face into the crook of his neck.

“So sensitive…have you never had sex before?” He whispers, feeling how tight you are on just his finger. You shake your head and he kisses your shoulder.

“Then I shall give you the best first time…” He pushed his finger deeper and you bite your lip, stopping a moan.Your walls clenched around him and he edges deeper and deeper. Once he has his full finger in he begins to thrust, stretching you out.

A loud moan escapes your mouth as you slink into him, grinding your hips along his hand. He lets out a low growl and he suddenly places you down on the bed and pins you, keeping a knee pressed up against your crotch as his hands rub and trail along your skin.His touch soft and gentle as your skin ignites from the simplest of moves as he dips and curves along your frame. God you are in love with him.

“God Y/n, the things you do to me…” He kisses you deeply as he spreads your legs, your soaking shorts drenched with your wetness. He moves his hands and pulls at your shorts before he finally pulls them off. Leaving your completely naked body underneath him, your cunt oozes as it begs for Ghost. His eyes soak your frame up, his gaze lingering but soft. An adoring look in his brown eyes.

“Look at that sweet little cunt…just begging for me.” He chuckles lightly as he traces his fingers along the entrance, you squirm in pleasure from under him as his fingers tease you. He melts at your reaction and he rewards you by pressing his thumb on your clit, earning a  moan from you. He begins to rub it softly, and your head tilts back onto the pillow, the pleasure fills you to your very core as his fingers battle in between your legs. He then carefully slides two fingers in, and you moan in ecstasy as he begins to work on your cunt. Each stroke and thrust of his fingers, making you squirm and moan for more. You bask in the pleasure that Ghost is giving you and he leans down to continue his battle on your neck with his kiss’s. He nips and bites at your skin, which only increases the pleasure you are already getting from the slow and long thrusts of Ghost's fingers. His fingers curl slightly as he hits the sweet spot each time. You squeal and moan, becoming a complete mess.

your fav mello/near fics??? thank yeww (also love your drawings!)

oohh this reminds me i should pick up my ff.net archival reclist project up again...

it is of note that it's been a looooong while since i've combed the archives and there's a couple of common tropes i don't usually read due to personal taste, so i'm sure there's a lot of good fic i'm unaware of and/or forgetting about! this has totally renewed my interest in making a comprehensive personal reclist >:) perhaps i'll come back and edit this post every now and then.

i owe comments to nearly everyone mentioned here i am SO sorry. it's a lost skill that i am working on developing again. at the very least i've got everyone in one place so i can go down the list this year. i encourage everyone reading from this reclist to leave a comment too!

i wrote "off the top of my head" but this got VERY long so under the readmore it goes

obligatory classics

• the famous @tierfal 's sidetracked (2010) and full of surprises (2009). rated e and m respectively. these are like the allegorical little black dress in the wardrobe of the platonic ideal of the mellonear oneshot. seem to be pretty well known across the ship fandom • stripped (2009) by blueberryash/@tka-trashfire on tumblr. explicit. i haven't read this in a while but i remember it capturing the delicate gossamer tension of the ship in a way that was sooo bittersweet and nostalgic. • to speak of rules and privilege (2008) also by blueberryash/@tka-trashfire, gen, a manifesto on tenderness, soooooooooo soft, changed the game, near being afraid of thunderstorms was immediately adopted into personal canon. big time influence for the way i write near and mello's pre-canon relationship re: big brother, little brother. • an understanding (2008) by blueberryash/@tka-trashfire, rated T, short and sweet, razor sharp prose, the aesthetics of the little piece live rent free in my head. • dual(2011) by ramasi, @ramasi here i believe. rated m. historians say this might be one of the first examples of mellonear choking kink ever recorded,

•scarification (2012) by gacrux11 on fanfiction.net, rated m, big time dead dove do not eat. sorry this one leans early 2010s era grimdark melodrama but i love it sjkdfkjfd. not enough dead dove fics about the boys if u ask me. • salt in the wound (2007) •tempus fugit (2007), and • white out (2006) by vaudevillain king on fanfiction. net. a beloved rare find. all of them are rather grimdark edgy products of their era, but some of the best the era had to offer. they make me so nostalgic for my teenagehood on fanfiction.net. i get the impression these might've been written even before death note was finished? • birthday smut (2009) by kleine_aster on livejournal. explicit. this one is SO funny to me because it is both really, really good, very in character, but unfortunately it suffers from almost satirical misogyny that afflicted fujoshis back in the day. near literally is like oh that bitch... like. he would not fucking think that but i can edit quickly in my brain as i read. bisexual mello rights! otherwise really sexy imo. i might be writing something that's kind of in conversation with this fic.

RARE finds

(please tell me if you enjoy any of these, i want to feel like an explorer that's brought back treasures from far away lands)

contemporary favorites:

• you've heard about it before and you will hear about it again: the archer ensnared (2023) by jabbernatty, rated e. a jessaerys obligatory syllabus read, the fic that made me go fulltime yaoi disease. i owe so much to jabbernatty they are my white whale my friend my enemy the writer i've psychically imprinted on from the beginning. honestly too scared to even leave a comment given the jessarys archer ensnared lore. may one day may contact and pray i don't come across as insane • postmortem (2023) by the_hemlock true gen, a favorite of ALL time. it's only tangentially mn really, it is 99% about near trying to piece together the mystery of lawlight post-canon, but the characterization and prose are some of if not the best i've ever come across. reads like it could be a piece of canon material. if you only read one fic on this list i'd pick postmortem. • it's friday i'm in love by neallo/@neallo rated m. possibly my all time fave in the neallo cinematic universe. something about the after-hours longing and the standing in the kitchen by the refrigerator lights, as the poets say. i love when stories feel like you're cutting out a window to peer into a larger universe that is just out of reach. perfectly captures what it is like to have a maddening crush • i want to hold you (hostage)(2023) by neallo/@neallo rated e. thee defining fic of this current modern mellonear era. manages to walk the line of kinky/sexy/sweet/fluffy all at once. plot twist of the century in the last chapter. near is properly as bananas insane as mello is in this fic, which is the marker of a good mellonear dynamic. really everything by morgan neallo is a safe bet for a great read • there's nothing i want but you (2023) by neallo/@neallo rated t. wammy's era mellonear obsessiveness that is soooo teenagery and yet a portent of just how codependent they might one day get. cute and ominous. • armageddon/kill game (2024) by bolide/@bolide-archive came out of nowhere a couple of months ago and ascended to the top of the game like a dark horse. rated m, chess au. one of my favorite interior mello narrations and one of the most similar to my own interpretation. such naturally talented prose. i rotate lines from this in my head all the time. still in progress but i have faith that it will be completed :') • how to burn down the sacred loom (2023) by dornishviper/@vriskarlmarx a contemporary CLASSIC. the less you know going in the better. beautiful prose, beautiful structure. they don't make fic like this anymore • the house always wins (2023) by mer_curia/@vivi-scera. screaming with my mouth closed. holds a special place in my heart given that it is my posting that convinced vi to give the ship a try, and i was rewarded with a fic that is so catered to my tastes i honestly had to read it through my fingers. SO good, the manifesto on wammyscest, so rather controversial. heed the warnings. • moonlight (2023) by tsukinousagi/@quicktimeeventfull rated t. an austere, cold little glimpse into a vampire au. it's giving let the right one in. so melancholic. one of the saddest near examinations out there. •proximity tells (2018) by abysmallypresent, rated m. truly lives up to death note's second-by-second minutia while managing to keep up the tension the entire time. great characterization. •silhouettes (2015) by bad blood/eroticcodependence, @wxmmyshouse on tumblr. unrated, post-canon compliant. made me CRY! elegantly short and simple, bittersweet and so so wistful. •arsonist's lullabye (2023) by tzviaariella/@tzviaariella. rated t. this one has a heart-wrenching air of realism to it that exists outside the chaotic universe of death note, one of those examinations of picking up the pieces after the titans have all gone away. very bittersweet.

honorary mentions

• let's die somewhere prettier (2020) by firesafinething also one of my absolute favorites, unfortunately it is discontinued and it is likely it will never be completed. sad! the premise seemed SO promising. in my mind i file it right next to postmortem mentioned above. the exploration of the tragedy of 27 year old near we could have had in a better timeline. one day i will leave a comment so good maybe it will bring back the fic from the land of the dead • august underground by me & @firebuggg rated e, in progress. >:) (shamless self promo)

Sorry if you've received this like 20 times (got the circle of doom) - if you're accepting nsfw anons, how'd the youngvets boys first time go down? ;)

haha dw, tumblr is a lil shit sometimes!

doing a lil minimal research, during their time in africa (i'm still going back and forth with what base theyre at but for this lets go with air base 201) their housing would prob be these little things. it almost feels too easy to make them roommates lol, so i'm going w/ gale being with blakely and bucky being with demarco.

they're obv pretty glued at the hip at this point even when they've only kissed and haven't slept together yet. spend a lot of time in the other one's CHU when they're able to but. they don't really know blakely or demarco very well yet so they try to be discreet about What's Really Going On.

then maybe one day demarco comes back from the gym sooner than they thought he would. doesn't like- walk in on them making out or something but. they're close enough that it's obvious they aren't just close talking as buddies. it's okay though bc longer hc for another time short, demarco is obv a chill dude. even if he makes em both wanna die a little when he starts telling them every waking time he's going to be out of the CHU for a little lmfao. comes up to bucky when they're leaving dinner like hey (: i'm gonna go to the gym (: for an hour and fifteen minutes and 30 seconds (: takes me ten minutes to walk there (: probably gonna take it slower walking back. so add 15 (: smacks his shoulder when he's going all red faced.

anddd at long last since they're less jumpy about everything they do get a lil more heated than normal when they're making out, one thing leads to another etc etc. bucky has been with ppl across genders but gale hasn't so i think he very much takes the lead- and tops that first time + the first couple times after. lovesss seeing gale all flushed and squirmy under him, likes being able to manhandle him a little to get his leg around his hip etc etc.

but my larger hc for this au is that bucky is a bottom sooo we gotta get there somehow LOL. i think that while gale for sure doesn't *dislike* bucky fucking him silly (at all!)- he does kinda have a post-sex realization one night that he thinks he'd 'get more out of it' or whatever if he was on top. doesn't mind being out of control when it comes to bucky, but *in general* prefers being the one in control. just the way he's wired. for a lot of reasons.

and god he's soo nervous bringing it up to bucky. thinks he's not gonna be into it and reject him and then they're never gonna sleep together again and everything is gonna get weird. ends up getting so nervous he just blurts it out one night when they're gettin' hot and heavy with the making out. face all red and won't look at bucky when he's waiting for his response.

butttt he can rest assured knowing he was all worried for nothing bc bucky is veryyyy down. was fine "taking over" bc he was the more experienced one and thought that's just what gale wanted but. more than happy to get fucked into next week by his boy and that big pretty dick of his :p

I just found this acc and I find it sooo comforting… I’ve struggled with accepting this kink for a long time and you are so kind and helpful in your responses that it helps a lot ! I do have a question though - I’ve always wanted to post my chonky art but I’m scared of being recognised on my artstyle alone… do you change any part of your artstyle when posting or do you just put it out there and hope for the best?

AWW ;;0;; It's so nice knowing my rambles have done some good and have been helpful to you in some way!!!

As for the art style thing, I don't change anything about my style or characters when I post them here, which is a bit risky, I know, but honestly, if people go out of their way to find me here when I haven't said a peep about it on my main acc with all my other art mutuals (not on Tumblr so don't go lookin' XDD) then it's none of their business what I do on my silly little kink account >:[ I do get nervous about being discovered here by people I know outside of this space, but I don't think it's worth changing my art style that I've worked so hard to develop over my whole life just for the chance it might reduce the risk I post the same ocs I do on my main account on here, same names and everything, and luckily I haven't had anyone find me here yet, but that's because I made sure to do everything I could beforehand to prevent my mutuals from finding this account (again, the block button is your best friend in this case)

I wish people were generally more accepting and neutral about this kind of art, so we wouldn't always have to worry like this about sharing the things that we like, it's not fair so many people (myself included) feel forced to hide their interests out of fear of alienation or shame from others We all deserve to just have our own cozy little spaces where we can share our ideas and interact with each other, I wish you the best with your art, I hope you can feel comfortable sharing it one day! But please don't force yourself to bend over backwards to make your style unrecognizable, you deserve to create and draw in whichever style you prefer!! Have a wonderful rest of your day, Poppet, I'm cheering you on!!

goodbye :)

not really lol this was clickbait 🤠

BUT now that i have your attention, i am going on a semi writing hiatus tho. i feel like this is long overdue. i'd like to start off with a couple weeks, maybe a month, maybe longer, idk? we'll see how it goes.

i'll still be relatively active on tumblr - answering asks and whatever bullshit i usually do - and discord (bc let's face it, i have nowhere else to be lmao) so i guess this is mostly a formal announcement for myself so that my brain can process the fact that this! bitch! needs! a! f*cking! break! 👏 it's not like i even have a regular update schedule to begin with, so for most of you things will probably feel the same. but tbh for me, writing doesn't feel as fun as it used to. it hasn't for a while, and neither has being on tumblr in general (some days it fully feels bad being on tumblr but i'm still Here bc i do not know what to do with myself lol).

don't get me wrong, i still love writing and i still want to write. but i just want to be able to actually enjoy it instead of feeling pressured to do it, yk? so i just need to find the spark again bc right now it feels like a chore and we definitely don't want that 😕

also - i feel like most writers go through this at some point - i keep (unintentionally) comparing myself to other writers and a bitch just cannot stop lmao. i've noticed that whenever i feel stuck while writing, i'd look to others and i'd think "damn, why can't i do this or that?" and that'd just make me feel worse lol miss girl gotta work on that. i mostly keep stuff to myself and lately it's been a little More than usual and i don't want to keep going when i obviously need a break only to end up overflowing one day and impulsively deleting my account (i probably won't lol this is my permanent address)

i'll use the time off to get back into reading too - god knows i haven't been reading fics as much as i used to. apologies to all the writers whose works i've been dying to read for so long but just haven't had the energy to sit down and dig in. reading is one of my main sources of inspiration (i made this blog bc i loved reading so much that it inspired me to write my own shit!) so hopefully that'll help the process too ✌️

unrelated to the writing bit but i also kinda want to use the extra time to start working on a professional portfolio and maybe jump back into my wack ass redbubble shop lmao

sooo yeah. i'm not gonna pull a one direction and just ride off into the sunset for good lmao. if anything, i hope i'll pull a bangtan and bounce back with even more content and vigor than before. maybe this is jeonqkooks chapter two 😎

maybe this was a bit dramatic lmao but anyways, sorry to anybody who thought i'd be leaving. unfortunately, you're stuck with me until tumblr gets swallowed up by the sun <3

Hiii it’s me again 🤭‼️ (the one who requested the short tempered!minjae x arrogant reader)

sooo lately I’ve been craving for fluff/comfort one shot , sooo maybe could you do a sumin x reader ? liiike reader is either a trainee under kq orrr the 11th members of xikers (like they live in the same dorm as them)

and like reader come in sumin’s room to ask for cuddle cuz it’s been tough today at the company ?

Anyway hope you had a good day/will have a good day , take care

LOVE YA🫶

SUMIN X GN! READER!

Practice

!------------!

Sumin X GN!reader

Warnings: maybe like one swear word, established relationship, kisses-?. Really short, I just got home from school.

© The-Lemon-Boy on Tumblr

You groaned as you fell back on the floor of the practice room, you've been in here for the past 6 hours practicing.

You just couldn't get the choreography right, Minjae tried helping you but he had to go so you insisted on staying late after practice. So that's 3 hours of practice on your own. You stared at the ceiling. Your rest being interrupted by the sound of the door opening, Making you look up

There stood sumin holding a bag in one hand and a two cups of coffee in the other.

"Weren't you going to go home?" You questioned the boy, sitting upright. "I was. But Minjae told me you stayed behind so I came to check on you".

He moved to sit next to you handing you your coffee. You took it thankfully, taking a long sip "you're awesome" he smiled at you and patted your head.

"You should rest a bit ya know" you shook your head at him "can't. I need to get this choreography down by tomorrow."

He nudged you softly "tomorrow night. We can practice in the morning".

"You don't have to-" he cut you off with a peck on your lips "bullshit. I want to. Now get up" he stood up pulling you along.

You groaned as you fell off the couch of the dorms, rubbing your face with both hands. Sumin following after you, falling on top of you. He adjusted your position so you were on top of him instead and hugged you close.

"I need to change" you said trying to stand up. "In a bit. We haven't had alone time all dayyyy" he whined "yeah and we still don't" you informed sitting up and pointing to hunter and yechan standing by the kitchen door.

"Fineee" you got up and grabbed a pair of fresh clothes from your room then making your way to the bathroom for a quick shower.

Once you finished you entered your room, Sumin was already laying in your bed, making grabby hands at you. You chuckled and made your way over falling down next to Him.

He pulled you to him, burying his face in your neck. "Now sleep" you didn't answer, placing your arms securely around him and closing your eyes. "Thank you."

"For what?" He asked using his hands to pull himself up "for being here. I'd probably still be practicing if it wasn't for you" he smiled sheepishly at you

"I know, I'm an awesome boyfriend" you smacked his hand and pulled him back down but he pulled himself right back up, puckering his lips at you.

You laughed at him but before he could protest you kissed him and pulled him down once again.

"Now. We sleep" you said and his laugh was the last thing you heard before falling asleep, the exhaustion taking over your body.

Cracks open the door to tumblr... Hi everyone! It's been quite a long time, but I'm thinking of starting to use this account again ;v; I guess my first post in a while is that I'll be tabling soon!

I'll be tabling at CarrierCon at the USS Hornet Sea, Air and Space Museum next weekend on March 9! 🚢✨🌊 I'm sooo excited, I love this place and I'm so excited to table on a boat again ;v; If you haven't gone before, you can visit a fun anime con and tour the ship all in one day!! https://uss-hornet.org/carriercon

Hihi u did an awesome job on the Caitlin x reader 🤘

Can I request vi x (gn) undercity reader: vi thought they died in the big kaboom (time skip) she finds them working with ekko but with robot arms or legs or both you can decide, she had a major crush on them sooo sad to fluff

Thank you! I hope you like the oneshot!

☆Vi x reader who's presumed dead from the big kaboom☆

"You haven't changed little man", Vi said as she brought Ekko into an embrace, he softened and returned the hug. It stayed like this for a few more seconds until he pulled away and said, "let's go untie your enforcer friend, then I have someone who you might want to see". Vi perked up and followed Ekko back to where Caitlyn was tied up. She was thrashing around, like an animal in a cage trying to get out. "Let me go! I didn't do anything to you!" She yelled, thinking she was yelling out to no one until the bag was lifted off of her head.

"Hey cupcake." Vi said as she smirked and leaned against the pole Caitlyn was tied to. "What?! I thought they were hurting you!", Vi flipped her hair around "My hero".

Ekko shifted and coughed to grab attention from the women. "Vi, if your done taunting now then I can show you who I wanted to show you." He said as he walked out the door, Vi and Caitlyn trailed behind soon after. "What do you mean Ekko? Who could I possibly want to see?" She questioned. "You'll see, don't worry."

He led the women outside to a mural where someone was painting, it seemed to be a mural to... Vi and her family.

"Vi, is that... you?" "Yes, that's me, my sister Powder, and our family, well adoptive family." Caitlyn marveled at the mural on the wall in front of her.

"F/N, I have someone here who I think you would want to see." Said person perked up at the name, "F/N??" Vi said with surprise. You turned your head, a paintbrush in your prosthetic hand and a shock on your face.

"Vi? I, I thought you died!" "I thought you died F/N, I haven't seen you in almost a decade." Vi walks up to you and grasps your hands, looking down at your metal prosthetic arm. You notice she sees this and you say, "That happened when Powder's monkey bomb went off, the force from it blew my arm off when I shielded myself from the blast."

Vi looked down with a frown before she looked back up your eyes with adoration before she said, "As long as I am here, nothing will happen to you" She rubbed the back of your non prosthetic hand.

"You promise?" You say with tears starting to well up as your faces inch closer.

"Yes, I promise." She connects her lips to your in a kiss full of her feelings she's had for you for years, that she's finally able to display. Ekko and Caitlyn watch as they give you two your moment, not wanting to ruin it.

(IM SORRY THIS TOOL SO LONG HOLY SHIT IVE BEEN BUSY WITH SCHOOL AND IRL STUFF IM SO SORRY 😭😭. Tumblr is my most neglected app, I literally never update and I genuinely apologize for that.)

Just a quick hi while I have a minute! Needless to say, I haven't been super active on here lately. That's mainly just due to physical stuff. Most of you know that I'm expecting (queue shouts of joy and utter terror). Welp, we're in the last 5 weeks, sooo things are getting rough both mentally and physically. Nothing to worry about, and I promise I'm not stressing myself out or anything for Tumblr stuff (hence my continued refusal to watch the last 2 episodes of season 2 ☺️ I know what happens, but don't wanna watch it until I can go immediately into season 3), I just like being upfront about all the things.

With that in mind, I'm going to spend the next half hour or so catching up a bit on comments, messages, and the like while waiting for my laundry to finish because I don't have the gumption to get my ass to the gym.

... have you guys ever wondered where Omega learned to wave? Clones don't really wave much, especially like that - they just kinda raise their hands a bit. I can't imagine the long necks waving, nor do the Jedi...

i was a bad person and here is my big message about it

even tumblr couldn't hold this much of a post so i made it under the cut. well. i was trying to write it for YEARS sooo i guess it's a little hard to squish in something small

i am frightened of seeing your reaction on this post but. it needs to be made. i wanted to make it for years. if not now then when?

long story about one fundamental thing i deeply regret and want to leave in the past and move on, and today is the perfect time to talk about it.

so. as i told, yesterday was my 26 birthday. and it was a special one. cause i gave it concept

26 years. 25+1. for me it means that half of my life is behind me. (maybe 1/3 if i will be lucky). i decided my 26 birthday will be beginning of my new era. i will leave my past behind and will go into my. present.

the problem is that my past is soooo fucked up

i did a lot of cringe bad things, WHICH I DEEPLY REGRET ABOUT but i want to tell you about one, which is haunting me the most. i thought about writing post about it sooo much times, i tried, but i couldn't do it everytime because then i thought about it i felt soooo ashamed and just burning in selfhate so what's the thing and why exactly this thing I want to tell you about above all of the things which i regret? well because now i am totally opposite person to that mindset which i am ashamed of so! pls keep in mind that i REGRET having that mindset. i think i realized that it's something not good in my 19 years old (my 19 years old is my turning point in life in general), now i am one day 26, but it's still was hunting me!!! 6 fucking years of constant shame and hating myself!!! at this moment i got rid of this thing in my mind and actions completely, and i want to put the final nail in the coffin by this post. so!!! i.. H A D (NOW I DON’T!!!)... fat fetish :c ( * internal screaming full of fear, selfhate and realising that i can hurt someone's feeling by that * ) i almost always had complicated relationships with fatness. first anorexia, but, at the same time then i hated my body i realized that i find fat people beautiful, hot even? (mostly masculine dudes? i don't remember that i thought about others?). and then i got into my horny ~18 yeaaars and ehhhh i was exploring my horny feelings  and preferences. i was deep diving in that fat fetish content, i even made sooome drawings (I think I posted, ~2 on internet AND I HATE THE FACT THAT THEY EXIST SO MUCH). and. next thing will sound naive. but. people who do bad things are always dumb and don't realize basic shit. so. i haven't seen anything bad in fat fetish. and at this time i already had my own moral compass, which i still have AND it helped me get out of this my moral compass: if it hurts someone - it's bad. if not – then it’s fine. and my depiction of fat fetish was reversed in my head. i thought that people participating in it.. feeling sexy and validated? that it's something powerful (I DON'T THINK THIS WAY NOW!) but then i saw one post

it was a person, saying, that they saw a content with fetishization of their appearance and they felt uncomfortable and humiliated by it

and i was like "wait what??? fetishes make people sad??? IT SOMETHING WHAT HURTS SOMEONE??? It's!!! It's... a bad thing!!!"

and i think since then i started to go away from it?

and it's not a second, day or month. you know that getting rid of cigarettes is hard and takes time, right? imagine how hard and how much time will take getting away from moral mindset mistake

if you do something bad it usually means that it is deep in your life

it's hard to go away from people with same mindset, your actions in the past which you thought was fine are now your shame etc etc

but!!! i've been working on myself. i don't want to hurt people, and yeah, hurting someone's feelings counts too.

sooo time was going by and it was less and less fetish content in my corner of internet. i realized that fetish is NOT something powerful and cool or sexy. representation is!!! you can draw gorgeous powerful sexy person without fetishization. actually people on fetish art... well, sometimes they don't even look like people. more like fucked up sex toys. it's so wrong, so bad and i am so ashamed that at some point of my life i thought it's something not awful

then i got into art community, more queer and bodypositive, i learned how to love my body, accepted it at 100% beat the fuck up anorexia. my feed in all the social media are now queer/bodypositive/artists usually all at once. if i see fetish blog reblogging me (i can't check every one but sometimes it happens) i ban it and

and now i don't watch any fetish content, don't have fantasies or dreams about that. now even if i see some content by accident (then you are in internet, you sometimes see shit which you don't want to see, like idk, some fetish blog relogging my art) it makes me feel uncomfortable and i don't turn on at all.

it was the last thing of this to defeat - physical desire. It’s like addiction, sometimes i wanted to watch Fetish Horny Content sooooo bad that it literally was on physicall level, and i just, well, watched and blamed myself for that after

and here is a little strange part, because one day it just... disappeared? with all my libido. aand honestly, it's fine, maybe i can't get turn on at all, but better not feeling libido at all then having it and having this shit in the head. aaaand also i have kiinda same emotions from... art. like cool art. in general. like, show me a good dramatical movie, some cool music, some touching piece of art, cool fucking made edit - i am shivering and crying tears of joy. i have this sooo, yep, it's enough for me, and i can survive loosing libido, if it's price for taking fetish from my head - shut up and take my... libido (okay that part turn out kinda goofy but like, let’s take it as lightning the mood because all the post is some fucked up dark shit)

so yeah. long story short, i was a cringe bad person and i regret that. i've done many cringe things but i decided to tell you exactly about this one because it is fundamental thing in my life and, as you can see, my art

as you could notice, all my characters are fat. and i am trying my best to draw them respectfully. goal of my life is trying to be good person (trying because you can never be sure that you are 100% right. you need to listen people and be ready to change. it's never ending road. what's why i use word "trying". you can't "be" good. only try) goal of my art is to bring people happiness by art, and representation is my method.

i feel very ashamed of that fact that i was participated in phenomen like fat fetish and now i make opposite thing - draw art, based on representation of fat people (and also queer and having other features but this post is not about that)

aaand yeah, sounds not very nice

but... i just hope that you can see that i am drawing fat people with respect. yes, a lot of time my characters presented as sexy. but i am trying to draw fat characters sexiness in respectful way. i've seen fetish art - and i am trying to draw NOT like that.

i learned my lesson. i don't want EVER draw fetish art again. i want!!! draw good things which brings people joy. i deeply sorry for that fetish thing was in my mind. but it's gone. I fought it in me for years, i won, fuck this thing. i want this thing stay in the past!!!!!

and brain, stop fucking hunting me with "whEn thEy wIll KnoW thEy Will Be All DissApoinTed in YoU!! ALL YOUR ART INFLUENCE WILL ZERO OUT THEN PEOPLE WILL FIND OUT!!!" these thoughts were been killing me for YEARS

so

i am deeply ashamed of having fat fetish phaze. but it's over. i learned that it's bad, i don't want to have it in my life ever again. and i don't want my drawings of fat people be part of it. i do it for different reason - to make representative art, which bring people joy, not hurting them.

i was carry this self-fight for years. and this day, my 26 birthday, seems like perfect day to finally leave this shit in the past and move on. i mean, i realised that it's a bad thing ~5-6 years ago. but my brain didn't let go thoughts about that. i am done with this. i want to break free from this shame. i hope i can have a second chance on that...

i really hope that you guys will be able to get joy from my art after that. i got rid of this shit in my mind, i promise. just. please don't turn back from me because because of this mistake. if you can.

(pls, if you have words of support, leave a comment. idea of this post was hunting me for years, and now it finally written. it's finally out of my chest. i want to get free from this. thank you)

I had such a cute dream last night about Sheldon and Amy and the cast lol it made me miss the fangirl life 😢 with all the problems in life I haven't been on tumblr in years and I've barely interacted with stuff from my favorite fandoms, I hadn't thought about my ships in a long time, but out of nowhere yesterday I dreamed that they were going to do a new series in the BBT universe and it was about their older lives and in my dream only Jim, Johnny and Simon agreed to come back to the show

in my dream I was watching the new episodes of this new series and Sheldon, in his 50's, was having lunch at the university with Howard and Leonard and they were talking about their wives and when Sheldon talked about Amy he always calls her "My Love" (ooc I know lol blame my brain! but It was so so cute tho😢)

I had the same feeling in the dream as I did years ago when I watched the episodes for the first time and fangirled about any little Shamy interaction/scenes, it was really crazy to feel that way after so many years without being in contact with anything from the ship (my life has really been complicated in the last few years lol)

Anyway, Mayim wouldn't return to play Amy and that made me angry in the dream another actress played Amy, there was a flashback scene after Sheldon calls Amy "My Love" and it was all their great moments on the OG series, it was as if my brain had made a fanvideo of them just for me😭

The things that our brains are capable of doing amazes me!!!

Even though Amy wasn't played by the same actress I still "had the feels" and the fact that they were happy in the future made me sooo happy, anyway it was great to feel all that again, it made me open tumblr after years, search their names and ship names in the tags (unfortunately there isn't much new stuff) made me want to do some edit of them, unfortunately I don't even remember how to gif and I don't even understand photo sizes on tumblr now. Tumblr has changed a lot since the last time I saw it, anyway, regardless of whether I'm going to post stuff about them or not, here are the scenes that my brain put together in my dream 🤧🥺️❤️️

"About the Blogger" Meme

@all-inmoderation tagged me. I haven't done one of these in ages, so this was fun. Thank you .D

Star Sign(s): Libra (don't ask me about rising and all that stuff, I know nothing about Astrology)

Favorite Holidays: Christmas, I love the cosiness.

Last Meal: Fries from the new kebab place around the corner. Had a craving, but they were sadly a bit underwhelming. Nothing more disappointing food item than underwhelming fries.

Current Favorite Musician: Been listening to a lot of Alabama Shakes this weekend. The intro to Sound and Color is just sooo fucking good.

Last Music Listened To: The spotify playlist called Indie Rock Club, which turned out to be all of the music I listened to in my late teens and early twenties. Ripped me right back to that time. Wild.

Last Movie Watched: Wow, Piggy was the last movie I watched, I really need to have a new years resolution to watch more movies. Piggy is fucking excellent though. Loved it, loved it, loved it. Go watch it.

Last TV Show Watched: I'm in the middle of rewatching Babylon Berlin in order to watch season 4 and 5. All doom and glitter and the party and depravity that never ends, and Charlotte and Gereon are such engaging and complicated lead characters. Still love it.

Also watching season 2 of World on Fire, which is a fine show, though not nearly as good. But it does have Jonah Hauer King in it though, and I am a simple woman, let me watch that man having an existential crisis and I'm THERE. He looks SO handsome when he doesn't know what's going on, lol.

Last Book/Fic Finished: I've been struck hard by project moving, so I've mostly been listening to Agatha Christie audiobooks. The last time I moved, I moved into a single room, and by the time I moved was living in the apartment by myself along with all the new stuff I've acquired. It's been hellish. So cosy mysteries it is.

Last Book/Fic Abandoned: I was reading a biography on Robert the Bruce that I abandoned once project moving started up and I stopped having the bandwidth for anything too complicated.

Currently Reading: Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro, excellent so far, which is not surprising, since I've loved all of his books that I've read.

Last Thing Researched for Art/Writing/Hyperfixation: Waltzing in the 19th century.

Favorite Online Fandom Memory: The buck wild hour long quarantine era chats with the Nabrina crowd in the discord.

Favorite Old Fandom You Wish Would Drag You Back In/Have A Resurgence: CAOS I guess? The Nabrina fandom is still one of the least toxic ones I've ever been in, at least the little corner that I was in.

I'm counting on a Batcat fandom resurgence once the next Battinson movie comes out in like 500 years (sob!)

Favorite Thing You Enjoy That Never Had an Active or Big "Fandom" but You Wish It Did: Oh so many things. Fandom culture is brutal these days because people are moving on so fast. Like the Little Mermaid came out this spring and it seems mostly dead already. Or perhaps people are just in other places that tumblr?

Tempting Project You're Trying to Rein In/Don't Have Time For: Everything? Lol. Between trying to paint my new flat and christmas and some family stuff going on it feels like I don't have time for anything at all right now. Including the self-indulgent smut fic that I'm writing for the Little Mermaid at the moment. But that smut fic is my happy place at the moment, so I must persist!

tagging @robertdeniroimdb @bugsysiegels @raxiesrot @gothamsgaygirlgang @imaginejolls @deadgirlsupremacy @sweet-reverie along with anyone else who'd like to have a go