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arshipweek · 15 days

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AR Ship Week - Fanwork Recs in 2024

This is the second weekly post in the lead up to Alex Rider Ship Week. 3 weeks to go!

This week we’ve got a selection of shippy fanwork recs submitted by members of the fandom.

**Please note that I haven’t listed all the details for the fics so take care to read the tags on AO3 before diving in!

YASSEN/ALEX

Devotion by countessrivers Tender, like a fresh wound, the kind you can't help but press a finger on to relish in the pain.

Adjournment by icebluecyanide I could have read three tournaments just to get more Yalex interactions!

To The Sea by Suzie_Shooter To the sea is a bitter sweet roadmovie except it’s a beautifully written fanfic. It has drama and angst and love. It’s beautiful.

Devil in Disguise by Polarnacht Yassen catches Alex spying and has his way with a chained-up Alex, who doesn't mind very much at all. Very hot yalex smut with some great d/s vibes and also tentacles.

Excellently written tentacle porn. What more could you want?

Spare the Rod by countessrivers Some great kinky Yalex in an AU where Yassen poses as a teacher at Point Blanc. Really enjoyed it!

A different kind of sacrifice by limnal A very unique Celtic AU where Yassen is a druid and he and Alex have to consummate their arranged marriage. Very cool setting and some very hot smut.

A Winter Offering by LastlyMatt Absolutely love the vibes of this fantasy AU, where Alex is left behind in the forest as an offering to the spirit of the forest (Yassen). Some wonderful descriptions here and some lovely angst.

A fantasy AU where Alex has been chosen as a human sacrifice for Yassen, a woodland spirit. Hot and sweet with some beautiful imagery.

Contain An Inferno by Rirren A deliciously dark AU where Martin Wilby keeps Alex prisoner after Ian dies. The Yassen pov is great here, both so cold and detached and yet so captivated by Alex and yearning for something real. Really loved this one!

Yassen finds Alex, chained up and abused in Martin Wilby's bed. Yassen is a bad man, and I love every moment of it.

Sweet Amnesia by Myulalie Some great Yalex dubcon. Love Alex's determination to save his uncle despite the cost and the vivid descriptions of the surroundings. Loved it!

Exit Strategy by BoldAsBrass A really fun story where Yassen and Alex meet again on a mission and are both unimpressed by Yassen's latest employer. Yassen's pov gives the story a hilarious dry tone and I love the developing relationship dynamic between him and Alex. Really enjoyed this one!

Calming the Storm by TheOtherBlue Yassen takes care of keyed up Alex in a way only Yassen can. Hot & intense and yet there is so much undercurrent love and gentleness, perfect mix.

Falling Slowly by RavenJames "Classic" Yassen buys Alex in an auction fic with a great twist at the end and lofts of messy, conflicted feelings and a loaded past

The Catventures of Alex Rider by LastlyMatt Alex gets turned into a little kitten and Yassen adopts him, having no idea the real identity of his new pet. Fluffy and sweet, read this one a bunch of times for cozy cuteness.

Who By Brave Assent by TheOtherBlue Dub con fucking for a mission, Yassen enjoying the strange kind of intimacy it affords him, Alex losing virginity and niavety, but not having too bad a time.

Petty Crime by EnviousWriter Not many fics explore how much Yassen was messed up by Alex. This one is basically my headcanon of Yassen being unable to continue on with his normal life after Eagle Strike. The plot is fun and the interactions between Yassen and Alex are a joy.

glass and paper by greenkite (shirohyasha) Devilverse AU, Alex trying to take some measure of control over his future by getting Yassen to take his virginity, from Yassen's perspective and his insistence on studying Alex's reactions purely as an asset and being emotionally/physically unaffected not being convincing at all.

High Wire by fredbasset 24 year old Alex Rider being more of a menace than ever, even getting a chance to try his hand at a victorious villain monologue. Sharp, witty, really compelling look at Alex and Yassen ten years on, post-scorpia, still on opposite sides, but still loyal to each other, even when work tries to intervene.

The Stowaway by TheOtherBlue An excellent canon divergence where Alex becomes stuck with Yassen on the Fer de Lance after boarding it in the Eagle Strike book. It starts out reading like canon, then gradually morphs into something much darker (and very hot). I love how sinister but in-character Yassen is here.

This feels VERY in character and believable to me. Yalex and Coster and how it's intertwined and all that

Alone together by Ireliss This work about how past sexual trauma affects Yassen and Alex’s life together is beautiful, moving, quietly sad and hopeful. It’s incredibly well-written.

Falling for you in time and space by kelkblr This is such a sweet romantic series. I love the concern Yassen has for Alex, and I love the way they become each other's family through their isolation. The setting is so well researched and feels so real too.

Coma White by hjbender Yassen captures Alex in Japan. Dark, dreamlike and compelling.

Specific Performance by BurntWhisper Yassen has been instructed to kill Alex but has to decide whether to see it through or not. They both choose to make the most of their potentially-limited time together. Extremely hot with a rough, dominant Yassen. The characterisation of both Alex and Yassen is on point.

The Right Touch by Strange_Soulmates A Star Wars AU where ISB Lieutenant Yassen is trying to track down the rebel agent Alex, resulting in some very, very hot dream dubcon. Really great adaptation of canon character dynamics.

We Keep Meeting Each Other Like This by TheOtherBlue Very hot, very well written, and I love the escalation that comes with each meeting.

Salt, Smoke and Water by Too_Many_Rooks Gender flipped Yalex. So well written, very hot, and with that excellent dubcon/Yassen is kind of a bastard element.

A Friend Indeed by Too_Many_Rooks The meetings between Yassen and Alex with the time jumps between them give a great impression of time passing and Alex getting older, and changing, Yassen borderline pining, but it's still a very neat and coherent story that grows into its ending. There's sex and angst and regret and murder and Alex being a little shit. It's perfect.

A Timely Rescue by TheOtherBlue Just really hot and such a compelling meeting between Alex and Yassen. Time travel and dubcon is a great mix of tropes as well.

Her Finger On The World by countessrivers Who doesn't love Julia being a creep? Also Yassen is so precious here,,,,

Netflix And Kill by Suzie_Shooter This was literally the first Yalex fic I ever read.

Sweet Amnesia by Myulalie TV Yalex with a different first meeting. Even with Alex not knowing Yassen's identity the danger and connection between them is tangible, and the sex is dark and hot.

I Can See You by countessrivers Stalking fic that is honestly really sweet. I love Yassen's weird way of showing affection.

OTHER PAIRINGS

Hold Me Down by countessrivers Julia/Yassen/Alex vampire feed-fuck threeway. Need I say more? I will. Manipulative, seductive, mind-controling Julia, puppetting Alex and Yassen like they're toys for her pleasure, using Alex for his blood, his body, his potential, his connection to his father, and taking whatever she pleases. One of my all time favourites. Julia/Yassen/Alex

П��итворство и подражание - Pretense and emulation by peeltheavocado A young Yassen and John Rider go on an assignment in a hospital. Yassen makes a snap decision to prevent their cover being blown. This is first-person Yassen POV and it’s done very well. John/Yassen

hold me tight and fear me not by thealphaaxolotl. I am an Alexmis fan first and foremost and this fic is incredible. I've read it dozens of times and it only gets better. Alex Rider/Artemis Fowl II

Explorations in Parenthood by Too_Many_Rooks Technically a series, but a very sweet and fun Ian/Yassen au. Baby Alex is simultaneously adorable and a menace. Ian/Yassen

A Series of Unexpected Events by kelkblr Really well written exploration of not just an on/off Ian/Yassen relationship, but of how Ian joins the Department and him raising Alex. Filling in the gaps implied by the shows first episode, evening bringing in one of the short stories. I regularly reread this one. Ian/Yassen

If Wishes Were Horses by fredbasset Aaaaand this was the first AR fic I ever read!

Only Once in Paris by Zombieheroine Points for characterization and originality. Also this is so me coded.

#alex rider #arshipweek #yalex #yian #fic recs #mod posts

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digimonirl · 9 months

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I got a lot of positive feedback on the post I did about how to go about finding a partner! Thank y'all so much, that means a lot! Keeping with that theme, here's what you need to know if you plan on hatching a digitama at home and what to expect immediately afterwards

1. Whether it's a long-term partner restarting their growth cycle or a rescue from your local shelter; you're going to want to get an idea of the digimon's needs before you do anything. Most digitama take anywhere from 12 to 24 hours to hatch, depending on species and environment, so you have time to run to the store real quick if you're out of something but not quite enough time to do any major renovations to your living space. Thankfully, digitama will still incubate if loaded onto a digivice so if you're on the move a lot that is a viable option.

2. Be prepared to baby them. I know it may seem like a no-brainer to experienced tamers, but new born digimon are just that. New born digimon. They can't do much for themselves at this stage and they're going to need your help. That isn't to say they're not autonomous, just that they won't remember how to do stuff like talk or explain their emotions for a little while. Don't worry, with proper care they'll grow out of this stage quick.

3. If you know this digimon, have their favorite things on hand. We're talking food, enrichment items, clothes, pictures of you two together, the works. Digimon experience selective amnesia as a part of the cycle of returning to a digitama and studies have shown that memories of their previous iterations can be recovered at any point in their lives! Most digimon will recognize you immediately upon hatching, but don't be discouraged if your little buddy needs some help jogging its memory. It's all a part of the process!

4. If this is your first time hatching this particular digimon, try to make your space as inviting as possible. Speak slowly and calmly immediately after the hatching, and give them plenty of space to explore their surroundings. Leave out bowls of food and water, and be prepared to clean up any messes that happen. This is the part of the process you're going to need the most patience for, as it's where a lot of would-be tamers fall off the wagon.

And of course, after all that, be prepared to bond with your new buddy! This is a really big moment for both of you and no matter how many times you hatch a digitama, it's a genuinely magical experience every time. I hope this guide helps anyone wanting to hatch a digitama for the first time and if y'all have any more topics you want me and Felt to cover, let us know!

#digiirl #digimon #digimon rp #unreality #reference post #world building

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fayesdiary · 10 months

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Faye's Fòdlan Journey: Season 1 - Chapter 1: Welcome to Fòdlan

Introduction

<-Previous Masterpost Next->

After two posts' worth of introductions and preambling, we can finally start playing the actual game.

The objective is simple: Defeat the bandits' leader before they burn down the village. Easy enough.

Weapon Durability returns in this game, contrary to Fates, Echoes and Engage. Personally I feel pretty neutral towards the mechanic as a whole, but it's a nice way to balance Combat Arts, returning from Echoes and consuming durability instead of HP this time.

Here when a weapon breaks, instead of disappearing altogether or turning into a worthless 30 weight 0 might weapon you have to repair or get rid off, it gets a penalty in Might, Hit and Attack Speed, which could be a more elegant solution depending on how severe it is.

Bows also seem to work like they did in Echoes, with an added penalty on hit the further you attack from. Which is, you know, pretty fair. Wonder if Hunter's Volley is just as busted here.

After having a pleasant chat with the three completely ordinary kids, they along with Byleth begin clearing out the bandits, while Jeralt sits in the back doing fuck all and yelling random advice.

Thanks, dad. Really cool.

Good thing Edelgard's there to pick up his slack with the first crit of the game.

Also the proportions between the characters and the village is really funny. My main Edelgard headcanon is that she's a huge kaiju fangirl, so it's nice to see she's fulfilling her dreams. All she needs now is learn how to fire a laser from her mouth.

After killing a few bandits, their leader shows up to pick a fight with Byleth.

They kill him pretty easily.

Except Kostas must have smuggled a Revival Stone from Elyos, since he gets back up like it's nothing.

He charges at Edelgard, but Byleth puts themselves in the way.

But just when the bandit is about to strike...

The world stops.

And Byleth finds themselves in front of Sothis once more, who is pretty peeved they were about to throw away their life so recklessly, since that would also kill her.

She finally introduces herself: Her name is Sothis, also known as "The Beginning". Though she wouldn't be able to tell you why is that, given that lo and behold, she has amnesia, the favorite plot point of modern Fire Emblem.

Someone had to have it, and since Byleth seems to have all of their memories, she lost her privilege to hers. Honestly, I think she'd get along with Alear.

One thing's for sure, though: Her first impression of Byleth is... less then stellar. While she lives and breathes sass and metaphors and moves and emotes a lot for someone with the eepy disease, Byleth is overly blunt, barely emotes and tells morbid jokes with such a straight face everyone thinks they're serious.

Or at least, I'm having them be that way. I love the idea of Byleth being selectively mute and socially inept.

(Also apparently support points can go down? I doubt you'd be able to get the characters to dislike you so it probably just hinders your progress to get their convos)

Apparently Sothis stopped time, something she herself didn't remember she could do. Well, that's convenient.

Luckily for both of them, she figures out she can reverse time too.

Not thanks to Byleth, who joked they could just sit here and wait to die.

Sothis turns back time just enough for Byleth to react to the bandit's attack, bids them farewell with some cryptic nonsense and- wait, is that readable text?

Upon further inspection, it is, even if the only phrase I recognise is at the top, "The goddess always lives in heaven and Fòdlan" and "It is watching over us. The mother[???]".

That's neat! Didn't expect to see readable text in actual English. Usually this stuff is hidden with a special alphabet.

Anyway, this time instead of just putting themselves in front of Edelgard Byleth actually strikes back at the bandit leader, finally putting him down for good.

Wait is he aware Byleth turned back time? How!?

Byleth earns the MVP, which in this game looks like one of those photos you'd get for Employee of the Month. Which I suppose makes sense.

A face shows late to the party. It's Alois, of the Knights of Seiros.

He's really happy to see Jeralt after 20 years, who apparently was the former captain.

Jeralt is way less thrilled to see him, though.

Jeralt and Byleth are "invited" to return to the Garreg Mach Monastery with Alois and the Three House Leaders. I say "invited" becuse Jeralt clearly does not want to go there but feels he has no choice, and I suspect Byleth would just go wherever their father goes.

Before heading out, Byleth has a chat with Edelgard, Dimitri and Claude, who all seem... oddly interested in them.

Huh. Jeralt would have done wonders in Elyos with a name like that.

Claude makes it clear once again that our presence at the monastery is, in fact, mandatory. So for all of those who hoped there was a secret fifth route where Byleth just retreats to the woods and lives a long, peaceful life, I'm sorry to crush your dreams.

They finally mention they're students at the Officers Academy of the Monastery. And through a quarrel they immediately start with each other, we learn they're the heirs of their respective nations.

Whoah. Shocker, I know.

And already not only they're fighting each other (seriously guys it's only the prologue, fucking chill), they are all strangely in awe of Byleth despite them having just killed a few bandits (with their help no less) and are already fighting each other to have them join their side. Boy, this does not bode well for the future.

WAIT I ALREADY HAVE TO CHOOSE WHAT

I know I'm going to choose Dimitri regardless given this is Azure Moon, but GEEZ this is way too soon to force a choice like this onto the player! You just met these people and already you have to declare your allegiance to one of them!

With that choice way too important for just the prologue of the whole game being done, we finally head back to the monastery.

But not before Byleth ponders a bit about the three of them.

They think Claude has an easy smile that is striking as well as fake, that Edelgard is constantly judging them and that Dimitri seems honest but with a lot of darkness to hide. What that means, we still don't know.

All in all, a decent Prologue. There isn't a lot here to chew on, but it shows the basic mechanics fine enough. The lightning is great and I LOVE Fòdlan Winds as a track.

Fòdlan as a whole has a particularly distinct sound, I think. Though I wouldn't be able to tell you why.

I am still baffled they have you choose a route this soon, though, and while the house leaders bickering with each other already is just worrying in-universe for the storm that will one day come, the fact they already seem to be throwing themselves at Byleth's feet for just killing a few bandits is mainly concerning for the narrative.

While I don't think power fantasies are inherently a bad thing, I fear it wouldn't gel at all with what Fòdlan seems to be going for. But I guess we'll see.

Lastly before closing off, a few notes about the characters we met until now.

Seiros: Local goddess is fucking pissed. I guess we'll see the aftermath of what happened in the intro soon enough. Also I still swear her design is Greek-inspired.

Nemesis: Wonder what caused the war between him and Seiros to begin with?

My guess is likely the creation of the legendary weapons given that, you know, they seem to be made out of Seiros' family and that is enough reason for her to want him dead. But if that's the case, we still don't know why he did that. Is it just for power, or something else?

Byleth: Not gonna lie, getting a few red flags from the way they're handled. No customization options, a mostly silent protagonist, their dialogue choices may very well have barely any effect. Not to mention they already seem to sloowly gravitate the plot around them.

Jeralt:

Jokes aside, he seems fine as a parent. Save for him not doing anything during a bandit attack.

The question is always not if he's gonna kick the bucket, but when. I even somewhat know the how.

Hey, he's a Fire Emblem parent, is that really a spoiler?

By the way, I'm suprised he's a Paladin. Always thought he was, you know, a Mercenary, but maybe that's just because I kept comparing him to Greil given they're both mercenary dads.

Sothis:

BEST GIRL BEST GIRL BEST GI-

*ahem*

I freaking love her.

She's the perfect combination between refined and a sassy chaotic gremlin, and she has one of my favorite tropes which is living inside another character's body. I am SO excited she can talk to Byleth whenever (and apparently read their thoughts?) and can't wait to see what they do with her!

Alois: Very little to say since we barely met him, but he seems a jolly fellow.

Claude: You know, maybe this is a 4D chess move I don't understand, but isn't the whole point of a schemer and deciever to NOT come across as sketchy? I feel constantly talking about how sus you are kinda undermines that but, what do I know.

Edelgard: Ah, the one who just mentioning her name starts a flame war. Not much to say about her yet, although she seems the type to sleep light with a few knives on her person, given how openly mistrusting of others she is.

Also she is a massive kaiju fangirl. I don't care how little sense that makes, you will have to take that headcnon from my dead body.

Dimitri: Honestly right now I'm just waiting to see what that "darkness" is about. I just know it will lead to him becoming VERY murdery in the timeskip so boy, can't wait to see him snap.

Introduction

<-Previous Masterpost Next->

#fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fe16 #faye's fòdlan journal #azure moon

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motheatenscarf · 1 year

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The story is picking up a bit more, here is a mandatory read more before I discuss spoiler stuff.

So when I created Talia it gave me the option of selecting which god to worship, and because I'm me, I picked the one nicknamed "The Destroyer", because if you're not gonna give me a trickster god, then at least give me an apocalyptic god of destruction and/or death. Also, his symbol was a big streaking comet/meteor and I had my reasons for choosing that (the reasons are I've played FF7 and also Talia's grandpa in the upcoming D&D game was a fallen angel who fell to earth as a comet and kickstarted the end-times).

I'm not familiar with the setting, so I wanted to futz about before deciding on where she's from in this world, purely for my own sense of immersion since it's not like the player gets to input any kind of personality onto their character aside from clothes and headcanon lol. But because The Point of Talia is me wanting to play a reformed villain theme protagonist, I liked the idea that she was probably raised in the Empire and then decided it sucked before dipping.

But then it turns out that the highlander humans from Ala Mihgo are the only ones who worship him, which is the kind of human Talia is. That place was also conquered by the Garlean Empire, who are the magitech badguys with the FF12 Judge outfits. I figured okay, cool, maybe Talia's family was from there and were like, idk, collaborators who sold out their home country to try and maintain power, or at least one of them was, and maybe just her dad or something was from Garlemald, since apparently according to Cid all Garleans are born with a third eye which is I guess why those people have the creepy gems in their forehead??

And I'm still deciding what I want Talia's background to be, but somebody just mentioned that the Garleans summoned METEOR, which is another summon, so it must be a Primal here, and I know that Lahabrea wanted the Ala Mihgans to manifest Rhalgr, the Destroyer who comes in the form of a comet, and the Ascians, whom Lahabrea is one of (I'm not clear what they are, just mages I guess? They give BIG Organization 13 vibes and I don't know how I feel about that lol), are working with the Empire, who built the Magitech moon which is what I was thinking Meteor was, but they also claim they worship the "one true god," and I feel like a crazy person with a conspiracy board over here.

There's no convenient end point to this post, I'm just absorbing information badly and am sitting here with a million thoughts about the Primals, all of them contradictory, so I've been just waiting to see what happens, since apparently there's also either time-fuckery going on or the hero is pulling a Revan and has amnesia/can't remember that they were one of the people who was there to watch the moon blow up.

I have THOUGHTS, which will go in another post, but for now I'm just sitting here racking my brain

#Caitlin Plays FF14 #Caitlin needs more red string for her conspiracy board #I haven't even thouched on like what i think is going on with the crystal just suffice to say I DON'T TRUST

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belltrigger · 1 year

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Nobori and Kudari AUs At a Glance pt.1

Hello! Hi! So, I made a long post about the Dead Dove AU, and it got me to thinking! There's a lot of AUs floating around between me and Riso, and honestly not all of them have been talked about publicly! You might have seen some art from Riso but!! I thought it might be convenient to make some "at a glance" style posts discussing the slightly different angles of each AU.

Some notes may be vague, both because some things might have to stay secret for maximum impact, but also because I may not have thought of it yet.

Also, although I call select AUs 'shared,' Riso and I collaborate on all of the AUs. Shared ones are simply the ones we conceived of together, instead of coming up with the idea and subjecting each other to our brain worms.

~~~*~~~*~~~

Bot Emmet AU: Synopsis: Ingo wants to be everywhere all at once, so he decides to build a copy of himself. During the process, he realizes he's actually deeply lonely, and turns it into a brother, friend, and companion instead. Waking up before Ingo expects it, Emmet builds his own personality and becomes a real companion to Ingo, instead of a fabricated one. Spin-offs: Horror Amnesia 'au.' Nobori: Excellent with all things of a mechanical nature. Because he has felt emotionally isolated from others his whole life, he has trouble understanding his feelings and emotions; this also leads to him going quiet when he doesn't understand what he's feeling. Incredibly dedicated to his job and providing excellent experiences for everyone who comes to the Subway. Wants to do the best for Emmet as well as the employees in his charge. Rather serious, but he also loves to discuss electronics and programming. He will info dump if given the opportunity, and enjoys deeply discussing topics of interest to him. He is also incredibly wordy. Has a penchant for continuing thoughts out loud, not realizing that others have not been hearing his thoughts and being suprised when they confused. Kudari: Ingo is more important to him than anything else, regardless of his programming. He enjoys supplementing his knowledge via searching the internet. Has an overwhelming and inexplicable need to learn how to use nun-chucks. He's capable of taking pictures with his eyes, and has dedicated folders of pictures of Ingo. Because of how he was built, he is unable to stop smiling. Since the agents of the Subway are Ingo's guys, they are also his guys. He considers the subway agents to be like ducklings. Sometimes he will stand stock still in corners because he has found a strong signal and gets distracted with searching for things he finds interesting. Doesn't understand Ingo's verbally continued thoughts more than anyone else, but he joins into the conversation anyway. Romance Dynamic: Emmet initiates. Ingo is initially shy about it, and worries that he forced Emmet into it by programming him improperly. Ingo's entire sexuality and comfort with his body expands upon sharing his feelings with Emmet. Extra Tidbits: Ingo is trans and Emmet does not identify with any gender (and has completely interchangeable genitalia attachments). Fics: Build a Companion for Yourself, Nobori_Search.exe , Meet

Bride of the Black Dragon AU: Synopsis: Emmet has been chosen as the Bride for a ceremony which gives someone to the local deific figure, The Black Dragon. Unfortunately, Emmet does not know much of what this entails, and fears that he has been sent as a sacrifice. However, when he arrives... Nobori: Honorable and strong, Ingo is well-versed in all aspects of being a gentleman and a scholar. His background is similar to a prince's upbringing, so he speaks formally and with poise. When he is more comfortable with someone, he relaxes some, but still speaks overly formally. Has a playful side, and likes to thump his dragon tail when he's in a good mood (this translates to his human form as well). Kudari: Just wanting to live a normal life, he's at first intimidated with being forced into such a dramatic life. When left to himself, he's naturally curious, and likes to explore. His self-esteem is somewhat low, and he believes deeply that he's painfully normal. Gets extremely bashful when given compliments. Romance Dynamic: Ingo initiates. In the beginning, there is a size difference (￣y▽ ￣)╭ ehehe 🤍 At first, Emmet is shy, unsure, and Ingo gently builds his comfort. It's a respectful and soft love (with lots and lots of sexy times). In order for Emmet's body to adapt to special changes, he needs to take in the energy he and Ingo will share once their bond is complete. ( •̀ .̫ •́ )✧ Extra Tidbits: The fic series is still in progress. This has the potential to be a verrrrry horny AU. Any horny entries will exclusively be on Ao3 when posted. Fics: A Gilded Bride

Hisui AU: Synopsis: Ingo has certain memories that, no matter what he does, slip away the moment he tries to recall them, almost as if they are being taken from him. Despite this, for the fleeting moment he can experience them, they feel so very important. No matter what, he will find a way to remember. Nobori: Determined, he will fight to learn what his dreams mean. Although he does not seek out the help of others, his friendship with Akari allows him to accept her offer. He does not wish to cause trouble for others, and so he tends to push his own worries to the back of his mind, and instead focuses on ensuring others are safe and happy. Knows in his heart that he is missing someone deeply. Kudari: Because he is helpful to a fault, he will try and assist anyone as much as possible. Fiercely protective of Ingo, he will tear himself apart before he allows anyone or any thing to bring harm to his brother. Has a weakness for sweets. Although his speech is stilted in his native language, he takes rather surprisingly to the language in Hisui, and learns it quickly. Romance Dynamic: To be seen 🤭 Extra Tidbits: The twins have not admitted their feelings to each other in this AU yet - Ingo was thrown into Hisui before it could happen. The fic is still in progress! Fics: No Such Thing as a Bad Omen, Bonds Forged Long Ago Dead Dove AU: Synopsis: Built exclusively to explore dead dove topics, it has bloomed into something much bigger than that. Ingo is a controlling figure who explores all the interests and kinks he can think of, using Emmet as the one who experiences it all. Contains many dead dove topics, and the base AU is mostly centered around their sexual experiments. Connections: Mermmet AU Spin-offs: Death Train AU, Angel Demon AU, Pet AU, Royal4 AU, Quadruplets AU Nobori: Believes deep in his core that he and Emmet are two halves of the same person, cruelly split at birth. Incredibly high libido to the point where it is almost always in the back of his mind. Has a high need for touch, as well, and does not understand personal space when it comes to Emmet. Does have something of a mean streak, and will antagonize people when he finds it fun. Exceptionally calculating, he will plan things for weeks in advance before he acts on it, anticipating every outcome until it is acceptable to him. Kudari: A true empath, he can sense and is effected by the emotions of others. Despite this, he doesn't expect Ingo's treatment of him, and continues to hope that Ingo will stop what he's doing and they can go back to being happy like when they were young. Struggles to understand why Ingo doesn't listen to him, and tries to object to any of their activities that he does not like. Finds it difficult to not trust Ingo, and often falls for misleading words, stumbling into new scenarios. Romance Dynamic: Ingo initiates. Ingo is obsessed with Emmet, and shows it in unhealthy ways. Ingo, despite being well-read, does not understand sub-drop, and only provides the most clinical of comfort after their 'scenarios.' There is love in there, but it is twisted. Extra Tidbits: The growth between these two is instigated by Emmet's escape into another universe. Fics: Decoupled, Date Night

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Shared AUS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Royal AU: (shared with @glassesblu) Synopsis: A royal spin off of the Reverse Ages AU, Oemmet is a king who has lost his brother many years ago, and has withdrawn into himself. While he tries his best to rule the kingdom in a manner that his lost twin would approve of, he remains closed off to close bonds. However, with the appearance of a young prince, perhaps he won't be closed off for much longer. Connections: Reverse Ages AU Nobori: Young and idealistic, Ingo wants to impress all those around him and prove he is a formidable prince. When he meets Emmet, he's immediately struck with the need to gain his attention. A skilled swordsman, he is still learning the depths of court life as an adult, but is endearingly eager and determined. Despite this, he is very popular both in his own kingdom as well as in neighboring kingdoms. He is quite charming, and not prone to being bashful. One of his greatest enjoyments is making Emmet smile. Kudari: Emmet is well educated, and acts in the best interest of his country; he is a beloved king, and well-respected by surrounding nations. Because of his hard-work, his kingdom flourishes, but he is still incredibly lonely. He misses his twin, and considers Ingo's death to be his fault. It's hard for him to accept gifts because of his guilt. Able to see when someone is trying to take advantage of him or his people, he does not tolerate attempts to destabilize his kingdom. Romance Dynamic: Ingo initiates. It's very courtly, with exchanged letters and gifts and romantic poems recited to Emmet in beautiful, scenic locations. They like to flirt in established court manners, and be as romantic with each other as possible. Extra Tidbits: This AU instigated the Death Train AU, because Ingo did *not* accept that Emmet was left behind and unhappy after his death. So, he jumped off the Death Train, where normally Ingo and Emmet wait for their counterpart to join them, and forced his way into reincarnation to rejoin Emmet. Fics: Back to Back on the Battlefield, Double Heading

Unicorn AU: (shared with @glassesblu) Synopsis: Ingo is a humble hunter in the service of the Queen. He is highly skilled in navigating the woods, and makes sure to not disturb nature beyond what he must. However, those woods contain a beautiful being that the Queen covets among all things. When Ingo captures the unicorn of the woods, he does not realize it will bring harm to the creature. Meeting the unicorn years later, he realizes that he needs to free him, so as to save the unicorn from wasting away. Nobori: Down to earth, Ingo is very self-sufficient. For a very long time, he was loyal to the kingdom, and followed the Queen's commands to the maximum of his ability. Although he is a hunter, he's very kind to the forest, and offers words of respect when he needs to hunt any animals for any reason. Although he is usually straight-forward, he gets tongue-tied at Emmet's beauty, and becomes incredibly bashful in certain situations. Has a great sense of honor, and is dedicated to anything he sets his mind to. When the situation calls for it, he will fight to defend that which is important to him, but he prefers a more peaceful approach. Very strong physically, and loyal with all of his being; it was difficult for him to stop being loyal to the Queen, but his devotion ultimately lies with Emmet, who he chose in the end. Kudari: Sweet beyond measure, he protects the woods he lives in, though he does not do it through force. Simply, his presence cultivates gentle plant growth and healthy animals of the forest. He does not resort to any sort of defensive measures, and is kind to all who approach. Because negative emotions are fleeting to him, he quickly and easily forgives, providing the offender apologizes sincerely or seems honestly repentant. Does not like the feeling of clothing when in human form, but seems unconcerned with shoes that completely cover his feet (open shoes such as sandals cause many sensations that upset him, since he is used to hooves). Misunderstands when things are temporarily offered to him - considers them to be gifts. After Ingo offers his coat, he begins to consider Ingo his Knight, and shares his magic with him. Romance Dynamic: Emmet initiates, though both are quite inexperienced in matters of romance, and Emmet truly believes that Ingo instigated by giving him the hunting coat. Emmet is open to most anything, but does not understand innuendo in any capacity. Extra Tidbits: Due to becoming Emmet's Knight, Ingo becomes immortal. They make cameos in the Death Train AU, because they must check in on occasion. Here, Emmet frequently holds tea parties for any visiting Emmet and Ingo. Fics: None yet, but Riso has made so much good art!!! (this is just a sample because I love his face here!!!)

It will happen, someday.

#Blankshipping #Bot Emmet Au #Bride of the Black Dragon AU #Hisui AU #Royalty au #reverse ages au #age difference au #Unicorn emmet au #Blankship Midnight Train #submas dead dove AU

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theheroheart · 3 years

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What ‘Ted Lasso’ gets right about resistance to therapy, according to a therapist

By Erin Qualey Sep. 10, 2021 6 AM PT

The following contains spoilers from Friday’s episode of “Ted Lasso,” “Man City.” (Originally posted here.)

Wherever you go, there you are.

In my work as a therapist, this is a concept my clients and I often explore. No matter how far or fast you run from your troubles, the one thing you absolutely cannot escape is yourself. Wherever you go? There you are. It’s a saying that Ted Lasso himself would surely love.

In the first season of the Apple TV+ series “Ted Lasso,” Ted (Jason Sudeikis) travels across an ocean to coach a professional football team with zero experience. He’s an aw-shucks Kansan with a can-do attitude, and his perpetual positivity proves infectious to almost everyone he meets. Although “Ted Lasso” is a comedy, Ted’s tortured inner life has been hinted at from the start — in the form of conflict with his ex-wife and a panic attack he experienced late in Season 1, triggered by a karaoke version of “Let It Go” from “Frozen.” For Ted, the song served as a crushing yet temporary reminder that he was putting off the inevitable. It’s only in Season 2, the adjustment to a new life and job complete, that Ted has been left to sit with his feelings — and realize he might not be able to outrun himself after all.

Enter Dr. Sharon Fieldstone (Sarah Niles), sports psychologist, whose presence clearly rattled Ted. Niles imbues Dr. Sharon with an even keel and disciplined temperament: Whether she’s engaging with a client or observing the team at practice, her active body language and ever-searching eye movements indicate that Dr. Sharon strives to treat each moment at her job with the utmost care and seriousness. She sets personal boundaries but also knows when to head out for a drink with the team after a particularly needed win.

It’s the addition of the enigmatic Dr. Sharon that catalyzes the central action of Season 2 — which, though it’s received criticism for a lack of dramatic momentum, has been laying a trail of biscuit crumbs to Friday’s game-changing “Man City.”

Ted’s insistence that life has infinite happy endings already bordered on toxic positivity, and it catapults over that line into maladaptive behavior in Season 2. As Ted starts to strain against the weight of the trauma he carries, he shifts into near-manic mode. The pressure to be himself — a man who consistently puts others’ needs above his own — finally becomes too great, and he experiences a debilitating panic attack in the middle of a crucial match. In a striking scene, Dr. Sharon finds Ted curled up in her darkened office, finally asking for help.

Therapy is all about sitting with and processing uncomfortable emotions in a safe space. Unfortunately, much of Ted’s ethos runs completely counter to this idea. His “be a goldfish” saying and his staunch belief in “rom-communism” both center on selective amnesia of the negative and overemphasis on the positive. But Ted has another mantra: “bird by bird.” Originating in the book of the same name by Anne Lamott, the term connotes perseverance and patience: It means to take things one step at a time until a daunting task is completed. So when Ted finally decides to engage in therapy with Dr. Sharon, he’s determined to not give up. And, wouldn’t you know, there’s a bird involved.

When Ted finally sits down for his first session with Dr. Sharon, he is a mess. He spies a bobbing drinking bird and taps it. The bird, much like Ted, can say only “yes.” But in a powerful moment, Ted begins to gently oppose the bird, shaking his head “no” as he watches the toy come to a stop. Shortly after, he pops out of his chair and leaves the session. Something similar happens during the second session, but this time he picks a fight with the good doctor before storming out.

The bird is an important visual illustration of the cognitive dissonance Ted is experiencing. He’s programmed himself to use relentless positivity as a coping mechanism, always saying yes to every experience and aiming to please in every interaction. Therapy is an unknown for him, and his fear of uncovering the truth is far greater than his fear of not being liked. So he bolts.

This scene could well have been lifted from many of my sessions over the years. There’s a bit of Ted in every therapy client I’ve ever worked with, and an instinctual pushback to therapy is understandable, given there are deeply entrenched societal stigmas associated with reaching out for help. Asking for help is an act of courage, as therapy can be scary and even at times unpleasant: As Dr. Sharon says, “The truth will set you free, but first it will p— you off.”

It takes a leap of faith to engage in therapy, as it’s a process often filled with challenging emotions. Ambivalence is normal and even expected. “Ted Lasso” delivers a raw and honest portrayal of how — with the right therapist — a person can overcome their fears and begin to pursue a more hopeful path. (It’s worth noting here that Ted represents the best-case scenario for someone seeking therapy. He has a quality therapist who has time for him, is conveniently located and is presumably free of charge. In real life, availability, location and cost are major barriers that can prevent people from even getting in the door.)

Still, though Ted is staying for the duration of his sessions with Dr. Sharon at this point, he’s not actually doing the work. So she tries a different angle: Following a traumatic accident on her bike in “Man City,” she worries she’ll be too scared to do one of her favorite activities going forward — and shares these feelings with Ted, using self-disclosure to model behavior for her client. When she’s vulnerable and honest about her emotions, it gives Ted the license to do the same.

A day later, Ted witnesses an altercation between Jamie Tartt (Phil Dunster) and his abusive father, and it triggers a reaction. It’s easy to imagine the old Ted swallowing his own feelings and trying to smooth the situation over, but that’s not what happens. Instead, he races outside, calls Dr. Sharon, and tearfully confesses to her that his father took his own life when Ted was 16. And Ted Lasso — both the character and the series — has fully earned this moment, as we’ve witnessed absolutely every step that has led up to his breakthrough.

For a show such as “Ted Lasso” to depict the initial stages of therapy with such care and nuance is an act of generosity. Just as Dr. Sharon modeled desirable behavior for Ted, the series successfully modeled a very real experience that can and does hold people back from finding the support they need. Perhaps Ted will eventually be the catalyst for many of the people in his orbit — looking at you, Nate, Rebecca and Jamie — to seek out time with the doctor as well.

Qualey is a licensed therapist specializing in addiction and trauma with more than a decade of experience in the field. She also works as a freelance writer, often focusing on the intersections among mental health, addiction and pop culture.

#ted lasso #ted lasso meta #therapy #psychology #the original article is locked #so i just wanted somewhere i could link people #cause it's very good

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aquarii-writes · 3 years

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Dsmp Headcanons

So ngl I've been really into the dream smp recently and I've been doing a bit of art for it so why not give my headcanons? Also all of these are for the characters not the content creators

Notes: the song referenced in Karl's headcanons is seasonal feathers music box version. This is all I have for now. I’ve lurked around the fandom since about early February and beware this is fucking long

WARNINGS: In some of these I do mention dead parents(various), death in general and as an entity(Philza), alcoholism(Schlatt), and traumatic experiences. None are in detail but just beware. Oh and a slight suicide warning for Dream

DREAM

Dream got his mask from his father and Drista got hers from their mother

His mask is specifically a gift from his mother after his father died

Dreams mask is infused with dreamons. His parents made a deal with a few dreamons and the dreamons now live in the masks

He will never say what his eye color is because he doesnt care, but if you can catch him without the mask you'll see his eyes are an amber color

He watched his mother commit when he was about 12~ and when Drista was 6. At the time he didnt want to understand why

WILBUR SOOT(plus Ghostbur)

Wilbur's mother is a fox hybrid(cause ya know I live by the saying that canon is my sandbox and a fuckin fridge doesnt make sense)(Momza anyone?)

His beanie is from his mother along with his love of singing

He has records of his parents singing

He has wings it's just that he never learned to fly

Ghostbur can see various other ghosts he just doesnt realize that no one else can see them

Ghostbur has selective amnesia. He genuinely cant remember parts of his life but some moments are too vivid to forget

FOOLISH GAMERS

He can partially shapeshift to make himself bigger or smaller(23 fuckin feet tall without changing height)

His son, Foolish jr, is biologically his and Jr is a demigod

Jr is too small to see the world yet so Foolish keeps him in an enderchest

Foolish is fully a god

He really likes turtles no damn reason

Aside from keeping his son in a chest, Foolish is a relatively good dad

He's a very good builder and rarely takes time to sleep when hes working on a commission for someone

He is most certainly strong enough to break the egg though he doesnt want to get involved for his sons sake

SAPNAP

He is a hybrid blaze born

BBH found Sap in the middle of the Nether playing with a few baby piglins

He met Quacky before Karl but Karl is the reason the three got together

TECHNOBLADE

Dispite how loud the voices can be sometimes l they can be rather peaceful. They really only get violent during fights

(Based off my techno design) the skull techno uses as a mask is a hoglin skull

Personally I dont think Philza adopted Techno as a son but Techno kinda became friends with Philza when he was just a kid

Techno was a very small child: especially in comparison to the village he came from in the Nether

Piglin hybrid piglin hybrid

Does not know who his parents are all he knows is that his glasses are from his mother

He has a baby sister(the two are half siblings; they have the same dad)

He literally doesnt need the glasses he just keeps them for the aesthetic and because its the only thing he has from his mom

He has a soft spot for Michael and Michelle since all three of them are forms of piglins

FUNDY

He has very vague memories of his mother

Looks stupidly similar to is grandmother; momza

He has a picture of Philza and Momza on their wedding day

One day when he was just a kid,like 14ish, he found an old sword that used to be Philzas and just never told Phil that he took it

KARL JACOBS

He's time traveled less after getting engaged to Quackity and Sapnap

Most of the books he writes never see the light of day again

Some of his books were actually found by one of Ranboo's descendants(not Ranbob)

One of his more scary experiences is when he accidentally met Dream when he was little. Momma Dream almost killed Karl

He's slightly immune to the effects of dreamon possession

He once found an old music box within the inbetween and he hasnt found a name for the song on the music box

PHILZA

He's known as the Angel of Death, or Deaths Angel for a reason(go look at @resonating-kitty s headcanon post about this. Ngl I love it and think it needs more attention)

After the 'death' of Momza, Philza swore to never love till he met Death once more

He remembers a time where hybrids used to be a lot more common: humans will fuck anything remotely humanoid

He doesnt remember if he has parents. By the time Wilbur was old enough to ask about them Philza made up the story that his parents went on to greet death when Wilbur was a baby

He's the reason for Momza's 'death'

SCHLATT

I really like the idea of Schlatt being Tubbo's dad even though it probably wont be canon

When Schlatt was little he watched his father but heads with other ram/sheep hybrids(he found it very funny)

He has a horrid tendency to headbutt people he has strong emotions towards

How hard he headbutts you really depends on what emotions he feels in that moment. The more loving/kind the emotion is the softer he'll be

When in a good mood Schlatt would let Quackity touch his horns

Glatt is a dick head and he knows this. He plays it up to piss people off even more

He comes from a rather large community of ram/sheep hybrids though his family in particular was a little violent

Schlatts first name is Jamison

He has a small ram plush from when he was little: his mother gave it to him before she died

His mother was an alcoholic before him though she was a very sad drunk

THE ERET

Herobrine is their cousin

He is very willing to do next to anything to succeed at something

He doesnt remember his family name

As a kid Eret's mother used to tell them stories of kings and queens. She told them that they could be a ruler one day if they worked hard enough

Their mums name was Elenora

GEORGENOTFOUND

(Based off of @/sctbrr on Twitter. I adore the au they made off this) George is a reincarnation of DreamXD's past lover.

Heterochromia heterochromia

His eyes are brown(left) and blue(right)

His clout glasses allow him to see color

RANBOO

Because he can’t remember his other half he doesn’t know what all he can/can’t do

Though one thing he’s noticed is that he can see much better in the dark than actual people; doesn’t know if he’s half enderman or his other half

As a kid he would pretend to be a dragon with someone. He has a feeling that the person was his father

He has two crowns. One from Techno and one from his mother; it’s one of the few things he genuinely remembers from when he was little

He sees a lot of Tubbo in Michael

Speaking of Michael, the lil one is only about three

TUBBO

He doesn’t know who his parents are and really only saw Philza as a father figure

He’s a ram hybrid like Schlatt

For the longest time he thought bees could understand him

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gendercensus · 3 years

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On plural inclusivity and "plural they"

In the Gender Census feedback box and elsewhere I have frequently been asked:

to make the annual Gender Census survey more inclusive of plural participants, and

to add "plural they" to the checkbox pronouns list alongside "singular they" in order to be inclusive of plural participants.

It's a rambling topic, so I'll address them in sections in that order.

INCLUSIVITY RE: PLURAL PARTICIPANTS

I've been inviting plural people to take part in a short survey about the Gender Census, asking questions that help me get a feel for the issues involved and asking about whether people feel included in the survey (and why or why not). At the time of writing there have been 139 responses, I will leave it open for ongoing feedback, and I'm unlikely to be publishing the spreadsheet of results in full because the responses are off-topic and very personal. However, I will refer to some individual responses as well as my personal experience discussing inclusion with plural systems.

Here's a graph based on the responses so far:

I'm asking for direct feedback about this issue because over the past few years plural folks have been one of the more consistently vocal groups in the feedback box of the survey and elsewhere, which would usually be fine, but I've been finding it very overwhelming and confusing. I think that's because the advice/demands/questions have been unusually inconsistent, often to the point of being in direct opposition to each other, and the result is that I have no idea what to do.

Before now, most plural people have understood that it's quite a nuanced issue. When asked I would explain that if they felt that filling it in once for the whole system made more sense they should do that, and if individual system members felt strongly that they should participate alone then they could do so.

This year it got to the point where I had to make a decision and write unambiguous, easy-to-follow guidance about how plural people should fill in the survey, because I had one system submitting dozens of responses and giving the exact same three points of feedback, paraphrased, over and over - making it look like many unconnected people felt strongly about these particular issues, when in reality it was all this one system. I decided that, to be as fair as possible, plural people should fill in the survey once per body.

When I posted about the "once per body" policy on social media I received very little direct feedback, which leaves me in the position of not knowing whether that's because I did it right and you have no complaints or because you've all jumped ship! The statistics and comments from the plural feedback survey are very helpful in this regard:

It seems that plural participants, on the whole, are fairly understanding about it all, often supportive, and are still able to participate. ("Unknown" and "no strong feelings" together are a much higher proportion than I expected.) Some positive feedback included appreciation for the ability to select as many gender identities and pronouns as one wants. Common arguments against the policy include feeling that system members are not treated as people in their own right, which is understandable; the Gender Census is designed to present practicable data about nonbinary people for use within a system that assigns one identity per body, socially and bureaucratically. A "once per body" policy makes sense when prioritising nonbinary people, but adds to the list of crap that only plural people have to struggle through when they're not the main focus of the research.

I was surprised that only a couple of people pointed out that some systems have amnesia between members, and so some systems may participate more than once per body unintentionally. (I understand that this is unavoidable, and I certainly wouldn't be upset about it. Sometimes non-plural people participate more than once by accident, too! On the scale we're talking about, I'm unlikely to even notice it happening.)

Back when I first started to get requests to make the Gender Census more plural-inclusive, my first move was to ask people what exactly they felt excluded by. Responses to this have been continuously nebulous, to the extent that I don't think I have ever made any design changes to the annual survey at all as a result. I also asked what they would do to improve the survey and help them to feel included, but this has yielded very few viable ideas for how to move forward, just because so many of the ideas that people suggest are mutually exclusive.

As an example, I spoke to one member of a system who expressed, understandably, that their experience of themselves as plural inextricably affected their experience of their gender(s), and after some discussion they concluded that the two were so intertwined that it made the most sense for it to be included in the identity question, e.g. a checkbox called "plural" alongside nonbinary, genderqueer, trans, etc. I explained that I don't arbitrarily add things to the checkbox list, but it would be counted if it was typed into a textbox underneath, and if it went over 1% I would consider adding it to the checkbox list. They became increasingly angry. The only way this situation would make sense for them moving forward was if I added "plural" as an identity checkbox option immediately. Conversely, just a couple of weeks previously I had spoken with a member of a system who was very vocally distressed at the idea of plurality being conflated with gender, and wanted to make sure that I never added "plural" as an identity checkbox option.

As another example, in the plural feedback survey when I asked people how they felt about the "once per body" policy, a member of one system was against it and said "it feels like this policy doesn’t recognize us as separate people", but a member of another system was in favour and said "we're encouraged by our therapist to think of ourselves as dissociated parts of a whole. So we're all one person, just not directly connected like a singlet [non-plural person] would be. From that perspective, it makes sense to keep us as one person in the gender census, no matter how many genders we have." It's not possible to reconcile these two perspectives.

From the very beginning up until now, the unifying theme for feedback from plural people and their allies is "please be more inclusive of plural people." That's a really good start! After that it becomes a plate of tangled spaghetti.

Here are some themes I've managed to tease out, and my thoughts.

"Each system's alter should be able to participate in the survey individually if they want to." Some systems have literally hundreds of alters, and several systems have acknowledged in the feedback survey that this is probably both impractical for many plural people and unfair on singlets.

"We're okay with taking part once for all of us in the system, but we're just checking all the boxes that apply to at least one of us, and some of those are explicitly disliked by at least one of us. This is uncomfortable." I think that's... probably okay, actually. Other subcategories of participants whose identities fluctuate that strongly (e.g. a genderfluid person who is sometimes very male and sometimes extremely not male) or whose pronouns are context-dependent are also in this predicament. Participants often express a desire to rank their identity terms by importance, accuracy, fluctuation or frequency. The survey aims to collect broad and fuzzy data about a very large group of people, to monitor trends and let people know what language we're comfortable with on the whole. This survey just isn't looking for that kind of nuance.

"We're okay with taking part in the survey once for everyone in the system, but there should be a way to separate out responses about different alters within that one response." It's literally impossible to program the survey to have infinite subsections for each alter, but if it were possible, what would I do with the data? I think the most likely approach would be combining into a list of identities etc. "per body". The participant would feel better for being able to enter different words for different alters, but it would be more work for them, and it would be more work for me to process responses from plural people just to have them be counted like those from non-plural people.

"There should be a 'plural' checkbox in the identity list so that we can express that our gender is influenced by our plurality." I consider adding terms to the identity checkbox list when they're typed into the textboxes by over 1% of participants. There are some situations where I'll make an exception to that rule, but it's unusual and this isn't one of them. Whether you enter a term using a checkbox or a textbox makes no difference to how well-represented you are in the results.

Maybe just a question that asks if you're plural, with a checkbox? What would this checkbox do? Plurality is beyond the scope of the survey, along with things like height and eye colour. It would allow curious people to analyse the responses using plurality as a variable, but I wouldn't include it in any analysis in an annual Gender Census report.

That last one is particularly interesting, because it's what I actually did in the supplementary survey. I wasn't 100% sure in advance whether or not I would need that information for the singular vs. plural they issue, so I included an "I am/we are plural" checkbox just to be on the safe side. As far as I could tell, the survey was no more or less materially inclusive than the annual Gender Census survey. There were a couple of interesting patterns to report in the statistics, but the main things I noticed were:

Feedback saying that the survey wasn't inclusive of plural people was non-existent.

Several people thanked me in the feedback box for making the survey plural-inclusive.

Several people promoted the survey on social media by using its plural-inclusivity as a selling point.

Again, the supplementary survey didn't take a different approach. There was no particular difference in language, there was no indication that whether or not you're plural would be integral to the reporting of the results or even used at all, the only difference was the existence of a checkbox that let participants declare their plurality.

That's all it took to cause a complete U-turn in feedback. A checkbox that doesn't relate to gender or connect to any of the other questions in any way, and isn't particularly statistically useful based on the supplementary survey. It doesn't make the survey more inclusive, it just acknowledges that some participants are plural, and gives them a way to declare it.

Whether or not participants are plural is beyond the scope of the Gender Census, which aims to collect broad data about how we as nonbinary and otherwise genderly-interesting people want the world to see and describe us. It just doesn't make sense to include questions about plurality in future surveys. But I'm honestly amazed and a little confused, because until the "once per body" policy was added it seems that there wasn't actually anything about the Gender Census that prevented plural people from participating, at least not more than anyone else whose genders change significantly over time.

SHOULD "PLURAL THEY" BE ADDED TO THE CHECKBOX PRONOUN LIST?

This is something that participants often ask me to do in order to make the survey more plural-inclusive, so I decided to seriously consider it.

The first draft of the supplementary survey asked over 1,000 participants about this issue, but I had to scrap those responses and then redesign and restart it because, even though dictionaries are fairly clear on what exactly "singular they" is, a lot of survey participants who are not dictionaries seemed to be in disagreement (or confusion) about what singular they and plural they actually are. I have been unable to find any academic or reference articles online using the phrase "plural they" at all.

Here are some of the things people have told me recently:

"Singular they" is when you use "they" with singular verbs, e.g. they is a teacher.

I can't say that I use "singular they" pronouns because I always say "they are". "They is" just sounds wrong to me.

"Plural they" is when you use "singular they" pronouns to refer to a system/someone who is plural.

"Singular they" and "plural they" are grammatically identical except for the name.

"Singular they" and "plural they" are functionally the same and should be combined into one option called "they" in the annual survey.

Let's start by stating what we do know for sure.

THEY VS. SINGULAR THEY

For the record, "singular they" is defined by its purpose and context, not the specific words used.

Wiktionary says:

they (third-person, nominative case, usually plural, sometimes singular, objective case them, possessive their, possessive noun theirs, reflexive themselves, or, singular, themself)

It then goes on to specify three use-cases:

third-person plural, referring to two or more people

third-person singular, referring to one person

"indefinite pronoun" - people; some people; people in general; someone, excluding the speaker. E.g. "they didn’t have computers in the old days."

So we've got "they" (groups), "singular they" (individuals), and "indefinite they" (an "other" that is ambiguous in number).

Again, I have never found anything academic or, er, dictionarical (lexicographical?) that calls any of the forms "plural they", so my first job is to find out whether what Gender Census participants are calling "plural they" is the same as what the dictionary just calls "they", which is defined as the set used to refer to two or more people. For the purposes of this article I will call it regular "they".

WHICH WORDS MAKE UP SINGULAR THEY?

Even though most dictionaries will state which words make up singular they, and it's usually they/them/their/theirs/themself, if you change individual words within the set or even around the set it is still called "singular they" if it is used to refer to only one person. This might happen due to regional or cultural variations. So whether you say "they is a writer" or "they are a writer", whether you say "themself" or "themselves", if you're talking about only one person, it's still singular they.

In the annual survey, singular they is consistently chosen in the checkbox pronoun options by the most participants, usually more than twice as popular as the next most popular option. (I use the dictionary-provided set, and I've checked it's still the most commonly used in several polls and surveys along the way.) In the annual survey, singular they is presented as:

singular they - they/them/their/theirs/themself (e.g. "they are a writer")

WHICH WORDS MAKE UP PLURAL THEY?

I had never heard of "plural they" before people started asking me to add it to the checkbox list in the feedback box of the annual Gender Census survey, but it seemed clear from the name that it is meant to be contrasted with singular they, and I wondered if perhaps everyone else had been calling regular "they" (for referring to two or more people) "plural they" this entire time and I just hadn't noticed.

It was specifically presented to me by participants as a pronoun that a plural system could claim, and that a plural system might prefer over singular they. This tallied with my initial assumption that "plural they" may just be regular "they" referring to groups, since a system is a body containing two or more distinct individuals, so if they wanted to be referred to as a group then singular they would be inappropriate and regular "they" would fit.

I went to the pronouns spreadsheet of the 2021 Gender Census, and took every pronoun set that was named and copied it into a new spreadsheet. I ran a query to list all sets that contained both the words "plural" and "they" in the name field. There were 71 results, out of ~44,500 total responses. I ran another query to find out what these people were entering in the reflexive field, and here's what I got:

themselves - 61 (85.9%)

theirselves - 3

them - 2

themself - 2

themself (plural) - 2

theirself - 1

So I think it's safe to say that the set that people are calling "plural they" uses "themselves" as the reflexive, which is consistent with dictionaries' reporting of regular "they".

I conclude that most people do mean regular "they" when they refer to "plural they". "Plural they" seems to be they/them when used to refer to two or more people, including the plural reflexive "themselves".

As in "singular they", if you change individual words within the set or even around the set it is still called regular "they" if it is used to refer to two or more people. This might happen due to regional or cultural variations. So whether you say "they is writers" or "they are writers", whether you say "themself" or "themselves", if you're talking about two or more people, it's still regular "they" (or plural they).

IS PLURAL THEY GETTING SMUSHED INTO ANOTHER PRONOUN/GROUP?

I recently explored the (apparently unintentional) overlap of Spivak (e/em) and Elverson (ey/em). In case you've not read it, here's a brief overview: I found that it might be that Elverson (not on the checkbox list) is many times more popular than Spivak (on the checkbox list), even though it isn't being written into the pronouns textboxes often enough for it to reach the 1% threshold. Since the two sets are identical except for that one letter in the subject form, it is very likely that many of the people who use Elverson (ey/em) pronouns are choosing the Spivak checkbox option in the annual survey because they don't realise the spelling is different, or they think that they are minor spelling variants of the same set. I concluded that in order to get a fair count of both sets I will need to list both in the checkbox options next year, even though Elverson hasn't been typed in by over 1% of participants yet.

It's possible that the same thing is happening with singular and plural they. I ran a couple of Twitter polls, asking people whose pronouns are they/them which set they prefer, and presented answers like this:

a) Singular they, referring to only 1 person: they are themSELF

b) Singular they, referring to only 1 person: they are themSELVES

c) Plural they, referring to 2+ people: they are themSELVES

Here's the results, with 927 usable responses:

The results of this poll are really useful, because it allowed people to choose between singular and plural they AND themself and themselves, in combination. We can see that of the people who call their pronouns "singular they" (referring to only one person), the majority prefer "themself" as the reflexive, but a respectable proportion prefer singular they with "themselves", even when presented with the option of "plural they" (referring to two or more people).

(I have a policy of providing the most popular word choices in checkboxes, so I will continue to provide a they/them checkbox option that says "singular they - they/them/their/theirs/themself", but since singular they is consistently the most popular pronoun this is something I like to keep checking in on.)

If we apply these proportions to the 2021 Gender Census responses and imagine that everyone whose pronouns are they/them chose "singular they - they/them/their/theirs/themself" regardless of how accurate that is, this would mean that 3.7% of all respondents would check a "plural they" box, which is well above the 1% threshold for adding something to the checkbox list. Why not add it to the list, the way I'll also be adding Elverson to the list? This graph may help:

I generally consider it unwise to make big decisions based on Twitter polls, because the sample is much smaller and more biased than a standalone survey. Twitter requires membership, Twitter membership is skewed younger, and younger members are more likely to use Twitter often and see polls when they appear.

However, even I can't deny that there is a very clear mandate here for Elverson to be added to the checkbox list. When given a straight choice between the Spivak, Elverson, both, and neither/something else, participants were over six times more likely to choose Elverson over Spivak. (For context, Spivak got 4.3% in the 2021 Gender Census as a checkbox option.) Even if this poll were somehow put to the entire Gender Census participant group, it's hard to imagine a scenario where the results shift enough that Elverson gets a lower percentage than Spivak.

4.7% of a smaller sample of younger Twitter members just isn't enough to push me to add something to the checkbox options. I really hope that everyone whose pronouns are "plural they" takes the time to type it into next year's survey as a pronoun distinct from "singular they", so that if they do end up being over 1% of participants I can add "plural they" to the checkbox options.

IN CONCLUSION

As far as I can tell, the Gender Census doesn't particularly exclude plural participants. Systems are still able to take part, so it is at least as inclusive as any other survey of a similar nature, maybe even more so thanks to the ability to choose multiple gender identities and pronouns "per body".

There isn't sufficient evidence to support adding "plural they" to the list of checkbox pronouns at this time, and systems can be represented in results by typing any plural-inclusive terms and pronouns that are not on checkbox lists into some of the many textboxes provided, as any other participant would be expected to do.

The "once per body" participation policy is uncomfortable for a significant number of plural people. However, due to the intensely varied experiences of plural people, any policy on that issue that I impose would make some plural people uncomfortable - and it turns out that I chose the "side" that plural people are more likely to agree with. The survey isn't intending to collect or convey the more nuanced information that plural people (and others) have said that they would like to provide.

A separate question that specifically asks participants whether they're plural makes systems feel seen and acknowledged, but is beyond the scope of the project and doesn't add value to the data or analysis.

So, I will not be making any changes to the Gender Census at this time, based on the information I've gathered so far. However, I welcome further feedback in the plural participants' feedback form, which will remain open, anonymous and private.

Edit: Follow-up.

#plurality #multiplicity #meta #FAQ #plural they #pronouns

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sepublic · 3 years

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Amelia’s Alzheimer’s?

From what Owen Dennis told us, Book 5 of Infinity Train would’ve been a movie, covering Amelia’s takeover of the train… Which, I don’t know if Book 5 would’ve gone over her takeover, AND her eventual arc post-Book 3, but; I believe the implication is that like Book 4, this movie would’ve been a pure prequel, set in the past. A good look and further contextualization of Amelia’s past sins and how she got into the headspace she now has, in order to set up for a future Book where she finally gets her proper arc.

That leaves just three other books… One about Guilt, the next about Revenge, and the last of Acceptance. Book 5 is about Grief fittingly enough, and we know that Book 8 (Acceptance) would’ve delved into a passenger with alzheimer’s, whose condition would’ve kept them from engaging with the Infinity Train’s intended function properly. Owen Dennis mentioned how this final season would’ve been based on his own experiences with his grandfather, who had a similar issue in the past.

It’s easy to assume that Book 8 would’ve been about a whole new character, which leaves either Books 6 or 7 for the resolution to Amelia’s arc- But what if that’s not the case? The Book 8 protagonist would be pretty old, presumably, so…

…What if Amelia was the Book 8 protagonist? What if, by the end of the series, Amelia’s age would’ve caught up to her, and she’d start developing alzheimer’s- Further complicating her attempts to get her number down, especially when she can no longer remember Alrick like she used to!

Think about it- Amelia as the final protagonist would be a neat book-end to the series, given how we began with her as the final antagonist of Book 1. The show starts and ends with Amelia, who alongside One-One and Samantha the Cat (and arguably Randall) are basically the core, central tenet characters of the entire show. The resolution of Infinity Train is the resolution of Amelia, who serves as the passenger most entwined with the train, having once been its conductor even!

Not only that, but with how Amelia’s character serves as a means of criticizing and showing the fallibility of the Infinity Train, how she’s able to game the system, how she works in a place to criticize One-One’s direction with it… And her having to deal with alzheimer’s could continue that theme of Amelia’s character being a commentary on the flaws of the Infinity Train, if it can’t account for her memory loss!

Amelia’s memory loss would be difficult to work with, if we’d only gotten to know her in just Book 8; But now we have Books 1, 3, 4, and 5 (at the very least!) to bring background and context to her life-story, and it’s a LONG one too! Setting up Amelia’s past in great detail, going into the intricacies across the entire show… It could be setting up the audience to remember all of this, when Amelia herself can’t- So we can get a better idea of her frustration, of how she ended up here when Amelia herself is confused, etc.! We gain a deep and intimate understanding of Amelia’s past for her, in preparation for the memory loss of Book 8.

Owen talking about how Book 8 would’ve been based on his own experiences, watching his grandfather deal with amnesia- From a meta sense, the audience could serve Owen’s role! We’re the younger people, watching Amelia, our favorite old lady, grow across the series… We get attached to her, she’s basically like family, so naturally it hits harder to see her lose her memory. It’d be a meta way for Owen to really capture what he experienced in real life, by having the audience take his position when observing the character of Amelia.

From an in-universe standpoint, perhaps Hazel could serve as the proxy for Owen! She’s more or less Amelia’s daughter in the technical and arguably figurative sense- We don’t know exactly how their relationship would progress, and the last time we had hopes of Found Family for Hazel, it didn’t quite work out… But regardless. Perhaps Hazel, as a kid with relation to the older Amelia, would’ve gotten to grow up with her surrogate caretaker, learn to value and appreciate her and vice-versa; And then we see from Hazel’s pained perspective, the loss of Amelia’s memories. Perhaps Amelia losing her memories of her times with Hazel, even!

This could tie Amelia and Hazel’s stories together, especially with how linked the two are, with Hazel resulting from Amelia’s failed attempts to bring back Alrick! And Hazel has a few of Amelia’s memories- She remembers taking ballroom dance lessons, because Amelia was drawing upon those memories when trying to recreate Alrick. Hazel could serve as a young guide to comfort Amelia, a genuinely emotional connection, someone who remembers what Amelia can’t, in the absence of Alrick.

Book 8 would’ve been about Acceptance- AKA the final part of the 5 stages of Grief, when dealing with the death of a loved one… And Grief is the theme of Book 5, Amelia’s origin story! Amelia would accept the death of Alrick at the end of Book 8, and perhaps Hazel could learn to accept the death of Tuba and another family member in Amelia… In the sense that yes, Amelia is leaving her too- But Hazel will learn to move past Tuba’s death, and perhaps her own experience can help Amelia as well. They can grieve for Amelia’s memories, for Alrick, etc.

It’d also be an interesting and frustrating challenge for Amelia- As someone who no doubt has at least some pride in her intellect and mind, having her own mind start to degrade… It’d really put her into an interesting headspace, and force Amelia into that acceptance of what is inevitable, that some things she really can’t change. And of course, this could deal with theme of acceptance, of how Amelia clings to her past with Alrick; Having her memories of him start to fade could really shake this up, and force her to re-evaluate her life and values, her priorities… Perhaps decide to instead focus on the Now and Future, accepting that her past with Alrick is not only long-gone, but possibly due to be forgotten. That she can love and appreciate what it did for her, but Amelia has no choice but to move on- Even without those memories, without that past, she still has a future with Hazel and everyone else to keep living for.

For all we know, Samantha the Cat could even come into play here! She’s someone with access to people’s tapes, among them none other than Amelia’s- And before she gave it to Simon, Samantha also had the ability to create new tapes from passengers on the go. Samantha is a long-lived denizen, at least about 150+ years old, she’s lived and seen the entirety of Amelia’s reign, and was likely there since the very beginning; Owen Dennis did allude to Samantha being present in Book 5… Specifically, he suggested that us seeing Samantha kill someone was a possibility, amidst One-One or Amelia committing murder instead; And that of course suggests that, regardless of whether or not the Cat kills someone in Book 5, she’d still be a prevalent character.

Samantha having that past with Amelia, and her own conniving nature, could possibly lead to her conflicting with Hazel, perhaps recounting memories differently, or trying to tell them in a way that’d sway Amelia to her side, who knows? It’s also worth noting that she’s someone who has regret and loss in Simon… So perhaps if she served as a central cast member for Book 8 (befitting my point about Amelia being a book-ends kind of character), Samantha would’ve learned to accept the death of Simon, and/or help Hazel and Amelia move on as well. It’d be a fitting and appropriate farewell, I believe, to have Amelia and Samantha, two main-stays since the beginning, have their arc at the very end of the series.

And Hazel? Hazel could be representative of a new generation, to step up and take the mantle passed down. One-One’s own input would be fascinating, because like Samantha and Hazel, he has quite the past with Amelia, and a lot of significance and understanding of her sins. And with his control of the Infinity Train, I can see him attempt to recreate Amelia’s destroyed tape, or even try to create a new tape for her, to try and get around Amelia’s memory loss. The Infinity Train selectively deciding which memories it only thinks are important could lead to disagreement with One-One and conflict, exposing the flaws of the system- And/or, the Infinity Train might come across a roadblock because it can’taccess Amelia’s memories anymore!

This could be a culmination for One-One’s arc as well, as seeing his failure to account and accommodate Amelia’s alzheimer’s, leads him to decide to make MAJOR reforms to the Infinity Train as a result! Maybe he’ll even stop the whole process of kidnapping passengers (while still letting the denizens function and roam freely). Him and Amelia have an unusual, kind of at-odds but not really, sort of frenemy relationship; They’re working together, they’ve been enemies, they’ve collaborated, each was the reigning conductor at one point. We could have Samantha as someone with negative recollections of her time with Amelia, One-One with overall netural ones, and Hazel with positive associations! Three different people with different pasts and interactions with Amelia, to provide their own input on their time with her, and thus help her rediscover her past…

…Or, at the very least- Come to terms and accept who she is, and finally move on. And, it goes without saying that Amelia’s dilemma with her huge number could be complicated by her Alzheimer’s, if she can’t remember things- And it’d be interesting to see how it might fluctuate, if at all. Perhaps Amelia’s progress actually gets pretty good, but THEN the memory loss begins to kick in, and that frustrates her. It’d teach the lesson that progress is not linear, that sometimes you might backtrack, you might think you’re so close, only to have retread the same path… And sometimes you’re tired of the journey and just want to get to the destination, to the final stop at the end of the railroad. We could have Amelia learn to accept help from others, to not try and seize control for herself as all-powerful Conductor, to gain some humility amidst her pride in her own ability and intellect…

We could have Amelia awkwardly navigate the train without her memories, stumbling across and slowly figuring out what needs to be done in order to lower her number, with just the number’s movement as an indicator, and no memories to work off of! Her only hints are whenever her number moves to a certain situation, so Amelia really has to work backwards… Through trial and error, figure out what needs to be done; Perhaps a callback to Grace and Simon, who had no guidance and struggled with figuring out what their numbers expected of them.

It’d be an interesting book-end to THAT point, especially since it was Amelia who unknowingly contributed to Grace misinterpreting the function of her number, so then having Amelia rectify this with herself, learning to properly figure out what her number means, and then accepting that without going into denial like Simon did… It’d really show the growth of her, but also the series, and of course the fact that Grace and Simon were literal kids, and Amelia is a seasoned adult. And of course, there’s the existential questions, if Amelia is a different person without her memories, if those sins still apply if she can’t remember them anymore, if she’s essentially disconnected and detached, etc.

We might see Amelia operate without any memories of her grief with Alrick, see how she is without that- And it might concern and frustrate Amelia, because she could conflate moving past Alrick, as being the same as getting rid of him truly… And the memory loss certainly doesn’t help. Who is she without her memories? It could lead to an identity crisis that echoes back to Book 2’s themes. Amelia without memories might learn to rediscover herself by looking into her past, perhaps existing without recollection, just this number she slowly figures out how to lower. Perhaps having a new, more detached/objective look at her own past, from a perspective as someone who doesn’t remember them, so it feels like the recollections of a stranger- It might contribute to Amelia really coming to terms with happened, with herself, and finally Acceptance.

It really could be the culmination of the series; With how the age of protagonists for each Book gets progressively older, Amelia’s elderly age and Alzheimer’s would’ve been the end of the line, the final stop/destination for the train. It’d make Amelia the central Passenger of the show, who we’ve been following since Book 1, watching her progress, in a sense seeing her grow up- And then finally seeing her grow old and suffer from Alzheimer’s. The journey of the Infinity Train could be the journey of Amelia, from her boarding the train, to the final destination, literally and figuratively. It could tie into the arcs of Hazel, Samantha, and One-One, and finally deconstruct the Infinity Train with an outsider who did exactly like that!

What do you guys think? I think it’d be quite the experience to watch Amelia grow and struggle as a person, so it really does feel personal and intimate to us, when we know her memories, only for Amelia herself to lose them... A fascinating, bittersweet study and journey of Amelia, but one we accept, because the journey made the destination worthwhile.

#infinity train #infinity train amelia #amelia hughes #infinity train hazel #infinity train one one #infinity train samantha #samantha the cat #speculation #theory #meta #infinity train book 8 #owen dennis #alzheimer's

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therianimal · 3 years

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My System’s Experiences: switching hosts and a disconnected past

It took years before we realized that the complete personality shifts we experienced at various points in our life was us switching between hosts. Before I was host (or even existed at all), there was Lucas; a few years before him, Eren. The earliest host we know of is 4 years old and was the host during our preschool years. It seems inconceivable that we wouldn’t know - but as a system that has no amnesia, experiences the world as “different people sharing a single consciousness”, experiences switching less like “stepping back” and more like changing perspectives, and exists in a place between median and multiple, these changes disguised themselves as life phases.

It made sense to us that being 16 would feel different than being 12, and we were aware that changing over time was a normal experience for children and teenagers. Sure, it seemed weird that as a child we were definitely a girl, during our early teen years we were likely nonbinary and during our late teen years we were a trans man - it was never really clear to us WHY we changed so much.

That is, until I realized that we were plural, and that we have always been different people who simply passed the mantle of Host along like some kind of hereditary monarchy. It seems somewhat obvious now - the fact that I used to say things like “back when I was Lucas”, that I didn’t have childhood memories of being a therian, and that each “life phase” involved a completely different personality, set of interests, and sense of self were all signs. Even my dad is prone to saying things like “You’re a completely different person now than you were when you were 16″ (I really get a kick out of the double meaning). But it wasn’t until I started to consider that I (we!) might be plural that the truth about our past hosts came out into the open.

Our obliviousness can be accounted for by another issue: the specifics of how we switched hosts. I like to compare the scenario to mitosis - one member gradually becoming two. It would take months before the two people were distinct, at which time the new member would usurp as the new host and the previous one would go into dormancy. Because it’s so gradual we can't pinpoint an exact moment when each switch happened, and it's sometimes hard to clarify whether a past event happened to one member or another.

I’ve started to refer to the mid-mitosis host as “proto”, thqe in between of Lucas and me being “proto-Blue”. Lucas was a trans man and emo, and I’m a mascfem nonbinary person who isn’t particularly alt - our mid-self was still trans but more gender nonconforming and no longer 100% male, and they still listened to emo and rock music but had moved away from the clothing style. This "self" doesn't exist in our system as an actual person - it was simply an in-between stage. This host change (and all the others as far as we can tell) was fluid and not at all a sudden switch.

When Lucas returned from dormancy, it was chaos. He had been functionally asleep for three years - in the meantime, I had broken up on bad terms with his best friend/girlfriend, socially detransitioned (he had worked hard to come out as a trans man), and thrown away most of his old clothing and possessions. Trump had even become president, which was honestly one of the most overwhelming things. And he suddenly had to confront the fact that we were plural, that he had not always been host, and most of all that he had lost several years of (what he thought was) his life. I had to confront similar issues, but for me it was gradual while for him it was all at once.

Since then, several of our past hosts have reawakened - but not all. There are large unaccounted for periods of time, presumably involving still-dormant system members. It’s difficult to talk about our/”my” past, because when referring to things that occurred between the ages of 15 and 17 I can usually say “Lucas did X”, but how do I refer to the incidences that happened to unknown hosts? On top of that, due to years of assuming we were one person and each of us claiming past events as “my past”, it’s not that easy to say that X event belongs to one person and Y belongs to another. Things that happened to Eren while she was host often feel just as relevant to me, personally, as things that happened while I was host.

This all creates a confusing communication barrier, and risks creating conflicts between members - for example if I say “I got a perfect score on the reading portion of the SAT when I was 12!” would that be unfairly taking credit for Eren’s accomplishments, or simply describing an element of our shared narrative that feels relevant to me? There has been at least one conflict with another member where I was accused of selectively taking credit for their good deeds and accomplishments while disowning failures and negative actions - I believe that was a misunderstanding, but clearly it’s complicated.

I, as an individual, have only existed for four years. It sounds strange to say that as a 22 year old, but it’s true. This sometimes makes it alienating to spend time in identity-based communities like the therian, otherkin, transgender, and other LGBTQ communities. I once attempted to join a trans Amino, only to find that I was required to explain my “trans self discovery story” in an introduction post - it wasn’t even optional! How do I explain “In our teenage years, Eren felt disconnected from gender but couldn’t put it into words. Then we learned about trans people, and Lucas discovered over the course of a few months that he was a trans man. I knew I was nonbinary from day one (four years ago), though figuring out the details has taken a few years.” To someone who knows nothing about plurality, it’s incomprehensible.

Of course I could have made something up or oversimplified things, but at the time I was on Amino to discover my truth, not hide my truth. Due to the “born this way” narrative, saying something like “I identified as a trans man in my teen years, but later on identified as nonbinary” would imply that our experiences as a trans man were fake or the result of a confused misnomer, when they were very real. Directly undermining our experiences and our reality for the sake of community really sucks; I quickly left that Amino.

I’ve had similar issues in the therian community. I first realized I was a therian/nonhuman before realizing I was a member of a plural system, which caused all sorts of confusion for me. I joined the Therian Guide forums and learned from their posts and resources that “If you didn’t have therianthropy related experiences as a child, that means you’re just a confused human who’s been influenced by the internet and is having a wishkin phase." I wanted to believe that wasn’t the case, but the argument made sense and I had no counterargument to make against it and no way to explain why that rule wouldn’t apply to me.

Even now it sometimes feels alienating to encounter online threads and posts centered around the question “What signs did you experience as a child?”. I know that other people’s experience don’t invalidate mine, and vice versa, but it still sometimes makes me feel out of place. Rationally I understand that nonhuman experiences are highly varied and that's okay! - but insecurity isn't rational. I’m still acclimating to the idea that as a pluran my nonhuman experiences will probably never be the same as a “stereotypical” otherkin or therian (if such a thing exists).

I went into this essay expecting to write a short post about how my lack of childhood/teen years has sometimes caused me to feel alienated in the therian community. But as I was writing I realized I had a lot to say about my system, and felt compelled to change angles and truly discuss our host history. It might be a bit random, but I hope that at least some people will find it interesting.

#plurality #SYSMEDS AND ANTI ENDO DNI #alterhuman #alterhumanity #therian #otherkind #blue speaks

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swissmissficrecs · 3 years

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Most kudoed Sherlock fics from 2020

Has anyone done this yet? I haven’t seen it on my dash, but I might have missed it. Anyway, here is a compilation of the fics which were completed in 2020 that garnered the most kudos. Of course fics posted earlier in the year fared better because they have been up longer. I discounted crossovers with non-Sherlock Holmes fandoms and disqualified some collections of ficlets and one-shots that seem to just be added to continuously over several years. Kudo counts as of 10 Jan 2021.

This is the first time that the top spot was taken by a non-Johnlock fic, and in fact non-Johnlock generally dominated the top ten for the first time ever.

1. 2281 kudos: What We Could Be by Mottlemoth (38K, E, Mystrade) Ficlets and short stories featuring Mycroft Holmes and Greg Lestrade. Fluff, smut, humour, a little well-marked angst... and of course, lots and lots of romance.

2. 1549 kudos: and your very flesh shall be a great poem by CaitlinFairchild (151K, E, Johnlock) After a tragic confrontation with terrible consequences, Sherlock and John follow Mary as she flees to America.

3. 1437 kudos: I Demand You Speak by MaeJones (96K, E, Sherlolly, Warstan, others) Inspired by the Abominable Bride special but obviously AU. This is a full time-period piece. Expect it to be dark and gritty and very ACD (except for the smut, that's all me). Here is how I envision a Victorian origin story for Molly and Sherlock that utilizes some scenes/ideas from the special but is a fully immersive experience in that world. Murder, mystery, passion with always, always a great deal of angst.

4. 1417 kudos: Quarantine by wendymarlowe (53K, T, Johnlock) John and Sherlock are stuck at 221B together due to coronavirus concerns. Sherlock slowly drives John barmy.

5. 1227 kudos: Lullaby by Mottlemoth (20K, E, Mystrade) Twice a year—on your birthday and theirs—you can hear your soulmate's voice throughout the night. It gives each fated pair a chance to talk and bond before they meet. Sharing names, locations or other identifying details is unwise. It's rumoured that if you try it, even in hints, the connection will be severed and you'll never find each other. Today is Mycroft Holmes's 38th birthday. He and his soulmate have had two nights together a year for the last two decades, never even knowing each other's names. But it's getting harder and harder to keep saying goodbye.

6. 1204 kudos: A Duty of Care by Mottlemoth (84K, E, Mystrade) With their short-lived marriage already on the rocks, Greg and Helen Lestrade decide to see a sex therapist. Dr Mycroft Holmes is an expert in his field, a consummate professional and more than happy to help—but the couple's situation is more complex than first appears. Will Mycroft be able to restore wedded bliss to Mr and Mrs Lestrade? Or will his involvement only complicate things further?

7. 1118 kudos: A Desperate Indulgence by LollipopCop (34K, M, Johnlock) John thinks it's 2012 after waking up with amnesia, having no memory of Mary. Sherlock, exhausted from years of tension and hiding his love, pretends they got married instead.

8. 953 kudos: Sui Generis by Francesca_Wayland (266K, M, Adlock, Warstan) When Irene Adler contacts Mycroft Holmes with some shocking information and instructs him not to share it with Sherlock, he believes it to be a calculated power play against him. In some ways he's right, but the truth is more complicated, and personal.

9. 945 kudos: A Question of Ethics by Mottlemoth (106K, E, Mystrade) Sex therapy was meant to put Greg Lestrade's marriage back together, not test it to the limits. Life is rarely simple though. In the ashes of the past, good new things can finally bloom and add some colour to Greg's world. Unfortunately, not everyone is convinced those good new things are good—and nor is the past quite ready to let Greg go.

10. 906 kudos: The Great Game by Nellblazer (104K, M, Moriarty/Reader, others) Jim Moriarty selected all his hostages perfectly but for his last one he wanted someone...random. Random meant your office, unfortunately.

#rec list

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crystal-methionine · 3 years

Text

The Post-Eurovision ranking and comments from an American that nobody asked for:

1. Switzerland 🇨🇭 Gjon’s Tears - Tout l’univers: I absolutely was enamored by this song, its artistry, and the artist. He can really sing and one of my early favorites from this year. So happy for him to get in the top 3 bc it was well deserved. 100/10

2. Italy 🇮🇹 Måneskin - Zitti e Buoni: Deserved winners. As queer as you can get and I am here for it. Another early favorite of mine constantly fighting with Switzerland for the top spot. 100/10

3. Iceland 🇮🇸 Dadi og Gagnamagnid - 10 Years: A beautiful song dedicated to his wife and deserved Top 5 for sure. Last year’s song would have won hands down so I’m bummed he couldn’t win the first one for Iceland but brilliant song and I hope the group stays together to produce more music. 99/10

4. Bulgaria 🇧🇬 Victoria - Growing Up Is Getting Old: Eurovision fandom will forever say Imaginary Friend or Ugly Cry was the better song to send, but I don’t think they would have won the contest either. This year was strong, and I personally think Growing Up was a perfect choice from Victoria. It deserved top 10 so I was pissed that it came 11th on the night and received so few televotes. 97/10

5. Ukraine 🇺🇦 Go_A - SHUM: To all y’all who said this wouldn’t qualify when the new version came out, eat those words hun. This was a masterpiece, and the live performances just elevated it further. Honestly, Kateryna could step on me, and I would let her. Who doesn’t love an ethnic modern fusion rave? 95/10

6. Serbia 🇷🇸 Hurricane - Loco Loco: I honestly have to say when it came out, it was never breaking my top 20, but here we are. This group of gals is amazing. The choreo, hairography, and the still great vocals won my gay ass over. They served and deserved top 10 in my eye. 90/10

7. Greece 🇬🇷 Stefania - Last Dance: Much like Serbia, I kinda dismissed this as a top 10 song at first, but after many listens and then the live shows, it was one of the best songs this year. Last year’s song was nowhere near a qualifier for me, and then I thought they had a good chance of being top 5 this year. Amazing improvement and can’t wait to see what comes next from Stefania. 80/10

8. Malta 🇲🇹 Destiny - Je me casse: Not going to lie, the studio definitely did more for me. It was up with Italy and Switzerland for winner contention until the live shows. Don’t get me wrong, Destiny is still amazing live, and the song is a deserved top 5 song. However, the costume and staging just really didn’t add to the song and I think detracted a bit. Her song last year was also much better in my opinion. 75/10

9. San Marino 🇸🇲 Senhit ft Flo Rida - Adrenalina: Oh boy this was a party, and the fact Flo Rida actually was there made it even better. The staging and costuming was absolutely camp, and I was here for it. This was definitely not underrated by fans beforehand, but the jury and televote were beyond robberies in my opinion. Granted I know the backing vocals were carrying the chorus a lot so in terms of vocals, I can see where this song got dinged, but this should have been San Marino’s best ever result at Eurovision, and it wasn’t so I’m mad. 60/10

10. France 🇫🇷 Barbara Pravi - Voila: The new Edith Piaf and probably one of the most representative of the country’s culture for a song. A definite deserved runner up on the night but for me 10th place. I loved the staging, the costume, the emotions. It was all right for Eurovision and me. 50/10

11. Cyprus 🇨🇾 Elena Tsingarou - El Diablo: Come through Cyprus with another female pop banger. I’d say if the formula ain’t broke don’t fix it, but wasn’t really enough to crack top 10 this year. Another early favorite of mine this year but soon got eclipsed. Still going to be listening to El Diablo for a while. 49/10

12. Russia 🇷🇺 Manizha - Russian Woman: I can’t lie that at first, this song was absolutely trash to me but quickly rose the ranks and became one of my faves. Same thing happened last year with Uno. We also always love a good female empowerment moment with the native language thrown in. Manizha is a girlboss without the gaslighting and a true queen. Deserved top 10 the night of. 40/10

13. Lithuania 🇱🇹 The Roop - Discoteque: An earworm for first listen and was top 10 for a while for me but like Cyprus, lost out to some others. No doubt this is a deserved top 10 the night of. 35/10

14. Croatia 🇭🇷 Albina - Tick Tock: The first song to get me pressed on it’s placement. Deserved to be in the final over both Israel and Norway (please come for me I don’t care). They freakin rocked that stage during the semis and the song is absolutely a bop. Albina deserved better. 30/10

15. Sweden 🇸🇪 Tusse - Voices: A beautiful song by an amazing artist. Sure the lyrics were a bit cliche Eurovision but guess what...it’s Eurovision. I can hear the voices. Keep carrying on Tusse. 25/10

16. Albania 🇦🇱 Anxehla Peristeri - Karma: This song grew on me a lot. I liked it but wasn’t a don’t skip for a while on my playlist. The live performance changed it for me. She slayed and the staging was everything for Miss Thing. Also native language brownie points. 24/10

17. Finland 🇫🇮 Blind Channel - Darkside: Before you come for me for having this at 17th, keep reading. I’m not a big fan of the lyrics but the song is absolutely fantastic. This style of music isn’t something I pull out on a playlist often, but I had my middle fingers up for this one (and pointed at Germany but we’ll discuss later). Deserved top 10 as they rocked it on stage. 20/10

18. The Netherlands 🇳🇱 Jeangu Macrooy - Birth of a New Age: I absolutely do not understand the hate for this song. I was also a huge fan of Grow last year so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised for being generally alone again. The fact it got 0 points in the televote and only 11 in the jury is not surprising but extremely disappointing to me. This song is a masterpiece much like the ones ranked above it. Jeangu, you are amazing and deserved so much better than this. 20/10

19. Belgium 🇧🇪 Hooverphonic - The Wrong Place: Fantastic song but fantastic artists. Always here for a dark pop moment. Gonna go get my own Johnny Cash T-shirt. 15/10

20. Spain 🇪🇸 Blas Cantó - Voy a Quedarme: Such a heartfelt ballad. I enjoyed it quite a bit and don’t understand the hate it has. Didn’t deserve 0 points in the televote. 14/10

21. Denmark 🇩🇰 Fyr og Flamme - Øve Os På Hinanden: Look we all know this song is cheesy but it’s the cheesiest Velveeta queso loco so it’s ranked so high in my opinion. This is a nod to the whacky and weird Eurovision I love. It’s always in my head and I always find myself dancing along. Deserved to be in the final over two of the songs in Semi 2. 13/10

22. Azerbaijan 🇦🇿 Efendi - Mata Hari: As far as the song goes, it’s enjoyable, but the stage show was a hot mess in my opinion. The choreo looked a mess and the different sheer legging configurations on the backup dancers was not the correct fashion choice in my opinion as I was distracted by the thought of why are they all different. Did deserve their spot in the final though. 12/10

23. Moldova 🇲🇩 Natalia Gordienko - Sugar: The studio version of this song is a heavily replayed one on my playlist bc of the drop and dance-ability of the song. However the downfall of the song was it’s live performance. The staging was fine and the choreo was great but those attempted sexy whisper vocals were not the choice to go with. I don’t want to sugar-coat this 😝 so they were terrible. Glad she made it but I felt her position in the final was one of just pure luck. 11/10

24. UK 🇬🇧 James Newman - Embers: The nul points was a huge ass oof. This song isn’t bad but I can see where people didn’t vote for it bc it’s not super memorable in terms of who all was participating this year. I like the song and always sing and dance along. 10/10

25. Israel 🇮🇱 Eden Alene - Set Me Free: This is how to do a revamp and be successful. Eden is a fantastic artist who can clearly sing, but the live performance was not all that sans the whistle tones. Yet the whistle tones aside, the song is lacking a lot. When looking back at the songs available, this one should not have been the selected one. I was always on the fence with this one and still am. 9.5/10

26. Czechia 🇨🇿 Benny Cristo - Omaga: The live definitely hurt this song in the first minute and a half. The second half was absolutely what should have happened in terms of vocals. Still like the song and listen to it often. 9.25/10

27. Ireland 🇮🇪 Leslie Roy - Maps: This song was a victim of a super strong bloodbath and shoddy staging ideas. The song is arresting and a bop. Leslie’s gruff voice mixed with the modernized Irish sounds is a match made. The staging of this song that required Leslie to run along with the beat and the distracting and constantly changing bits of the performance we’re definitely it’s downfall. It didn’t deserve last place in Semi 1 though. 9.25/10

28. Portugal 🇵🇹 The Black Mamba - Love Is On My Side: I am the first to admit that while I don’t like the song, it deserved the final. The staging and atmosphere elevated the song. 9/10

29. Austria 🇦🇹 Vincent Bueno - Amen: In the battle of the Amens, this one wins solely based on the classy and amazing staging. Don’t get me wrong, Slovenia’s was also elevating but this one did it better. 8.5/10

30. Australia 🇦🇺 Montaigne - Technicolor: This song is a fantastic one for studio. The live since the Sydney Mardi Gras performance has been rough and didn’t necessarily improve. I feel bad bc I do really love this song but it definitely didn’t deserve to qualify. This being said, I love Montaigne, and Don’t Break Me was my runner up last year, and I still listen to it as my anthem when I’m feeling down. I wish I could rank this higher but I can’t. 8.5/10

31. Romania 🇷🇴 Roxen - Amnesia: This song is great in the studio but it got old real fast for me and I don’t know why. This mixed with the poor vocals and the bizarre costume:stage combo was really what did this in and got this low in my ranking. 8.25/10

32. Slovenia 🇸🇮 Ana Soklic - Amen: The loser of the Amen battle, but just barely. The song and vocals are better in my opinion but the whole package was just barely edged out in the end. 8/10

33. Latvia 🇱🇻 Samanta Tīna - Moon Is Rising: Look, this song is nowhere near as good as last years. The queeeeeen sashayed away with that annoying trap beat. 8/10

34. North Macedonia 🇲🇰 Vasil - Here I Stand: Leave it to the gays for bringing musical theatre to Eurovision. The song honestly isn’t that special or memorable but he’s higher up bc his stage and voice are amazing. 7/10

35. Norway 🇳🇴 Tix - Fallen Angel: A great message on mental health outside of the song and Tix seems like a quality fella but I do not like the song. I preferred it in Norwegian. And this low ranking is not at all influenced over him beating out Keiino (but maybe a slight bit tho). 5/10

36. Estonia 🇪🇪 Uku Suviste - The Lucky One: While this was 1000% better than last years entry, it still was relatively boring. The stage was equally as boring so sorry Estonia, but you didn’t make the mark. 4.5/10

37. Poland 🇵🇱 Rafael - The Ride: This throwback to the 80s was a bad one. The attempt at a one hit wonder vibe really hurt it along with the artist’s terrible vocals. Also half the time, he was behind the pyro and relying on backup vocals. 4/10

38. Georgia 🇬🇪 Tornike Kipiani - You: You really should not have to wait so long for the more upbeat rock ending of this. If it was that last 30 seconds for 3 minutes, it would be much better. A definite step back from last year. 1/10

39. Germany 🇩🇪 Jendrick - I Don’t Feel Hate: Jendrick might not feel hate but I do bc that is all I feel when this song comes on. 0.5/10

#Eurovision #Eurovision 2021 #top 39 eurovision #my opinion

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hood-ex · 4 years

Text

I know DC won’t do a good job addressing Dick’s issues post-amnesia arc, sooo I decided to go ahead and write a lil fix-it fic where Dick talks to Clark about how the batfam treated him as Ric.

Read on AO3

Summary:

“Pretty much everyone has. Missed the old me, I mean,” he says distantly, incapable of keeping the bitterness from bleeding into his tone.

Unfortunately for him, Clark’s emotionally intelligent enough to pick up on it.

“I miss you every day, no matter what name you go by,” Clark says, jostling him slightly.

Dick leans further away from him so he can look Clark in the eyes. Clark’s expression is as genuine as ever, blue eyes roaming over Dick’s face in concern.

Dick’s throat feels tight. “If that’s true… why did you never come see me? Why didn’t you try to help me?”

Dick finds himself sitting on the ledge of a building in Metropolis one Tuesday night in July.

He’s in the midtown district that’s a halfway point between the downtown and suburb area. It’s always been Dick’s favorite part of Metropolis other than Clark’s apartment.

Most of the businesses in this area are family-owned. They’re decorated with fresh coats of white paint, green plants, pretty lights, and handpicked decor that gives each place it’s own unique feel. It’s the type of place where the owners know you by name and bend over backwards to get you what you’re looking for.

It’s that personal connection that Dick loves the most. It gives the whole place a very welcoming and homey vibe that reminds him a lot of the circus. It’s nothing at all like the fake illusion of community that holds Bludhaven together like an overused piece of scotch tape.

The only downside is that it’s a little too humid for his liking, but the warm breeze that keeps ghosting through his hair makes it bearable. Plus, the fairy lights that are strewn between a lot of the restaurants across from where he’s sitting are mesmerizing to look at. They make it easy to forget about things like the weather.

Dick wishes the restaurants were still open at this time of night. The longer he eyes the Mexican restaurant down the street, the more his stomach starts to rumble insistently. He hasn’t eaten anything since lunch and he’s starving. A few tacos and some salsa would really do wonders for his mood.

Dick crosses his arms over his increasingly loud stomach.

“Sh!” he hisses at it in the same way he hisses at his teammates when they’re being too rowdy.

He clenches his fingers in the fabric of his shirt and lets out a shaky breath, chest feeling too tight for comfort.

Teammates. Friends. Right. He had those once.

He doesn’t want to think about that. About his friends. Or what’s left of them, anyways.

He came here to forget about that stuff. To forget about everything that happened to him in Bludhaven. The destruction of Gotham and his family. The loss of...

“Shit.”

Dick forces the image of Alfred’s smiling face out of his mind. He already cried about Alfred this morning. And yesterday. And the day before that. And a lot of days before that.

He’s tired of crying. Tired of feeling like he’s a stupid piece of Swiss cheese that’s got too many holes in it. Too many pieces missing. He’s just…

So tired.

Dick threads his fingers through his hair and pulls it back out of his face. The more he soaks in the tranquil atmosphere of the street, the more he feels like disrupting it by screaming into the night. He won’t do it, though. It may be Troy Bolton’s style, but it sure isn’t his.

“Thought I recognized your voice.”

Dick looks up, not all that surprised to see Clark gliding down towards him in his Superman gear. Clark’s eyes are warm and friendly, just like how they always are whenever it’s just the two of them. Dick’s glad that at least that hasn’t changed.

“Supes,” he says, sporting a genuine smile. “Long time no see.”

Clark returns the smile easily and floats closer until they’re face to face. He holds out his blue-clad arms in invitation.

Dick feels himself hesitate for a split second. He’s never been hurt by those hands. By a lot of other hands, sure. But never Clark’s.

He dives forward and wraps both his arms around Clark’s shoulders, pressing his cheek into the crook of Clark’s warm neck. Clark hums in happiness and returns the embrace, leaning his head against Dick’s.

Clark is bigger than Dick. Always has been. Getting hugs from him feels like being engulfed by an impenetrable teddy bear. It’s… nice. Feels safe.

Dick likes feeling safe.

It takes a long, long time before either of them pulls away. And even when Clark moves to sit on the ledge, he stills keeps his arm around Dick’s shoulders, pulling Dick close into his side.

Dick lets Clark take all of his weight, and he sighs in relief, feeling the tension drain out of his shoulders.

“I don’t mean to get all mushy on you,” Clark says through a laugh that sounds a little too wet. A little too fake. “But I’ve really missed you.”

And just like that, Dick suddenly feels cold inside. Detached. Like he has to shut his emotions off before he explodes.

He’s heard that same sentence uttered by his family ever since he got his memories back. Part of him understands what they mean. They were emotionally attached to Dick Grayson, not the person he became after he got his brains scrambled. Obviously, they would miss who he used to be.

The other part of him, the more fragile part, feels rejected by them. Because for a period of time, Ric was all he ever was. The only thing he ever knew. The only thing he could be. And his family rejected that part of him. They didn’t want him around unless he was the person they knew.

Even Babs, who had been there when he was learning how to walk again, only showed up in Bludhaven to try and get him to remember who he was before the accident. She didn’t want to support him as Ric. She wanted what was best for her, not what was best for him.

Dick still remembers every detail from those days. It’s not easy for him to forget how his family tried to make him step back into his old life rather than help him move forward into a new one.

Even though he’s had his memories back for a few weeks now, he’s still not over it. He’s not sure he’ll be over it for a long time, if ever.

Clark’s arm suddenly tightens around Dick even more. Shit. Dick must have spaced out. He does that a lot more now these days. That, and he gets really intense headaches a few times a week. Side effects from brain damage and all that.

“Pretty much everyone has. Missed the old me, I mean,” he says distantly, incapable of keeping the bitterness from bleeding into his tone.

Unfortunately for him, Clark’s emotionally intelligent enough to pick up on it.

“I miss you every day, no matter what name you go by,” Clark says, jostling him slightly.

Dick leans further away from him so he can look Clark in the eyes. Clark’s expression is as genuine as ever, blue eyes roaming over Dick’s face in concern.

Dick’s throat feels tight. “If that’s true…why did you never come see me? Why didn’t you try to help me?”

Dick knows it’s not fair to ask that to Superman of all people. Clark can’t save everybody. He can’t be everywhere at once taking care of other people’s problems, especially when things have been so crazy lately with his own son and all the hero deaths...

Fuck. He’s got tears burning in the corners of his eyes now. He refuses to let them fall. Refuses to let himself crumble when he’s spent weeks trying to put himself back together.

“I visited you once while you were in the hospital,” Clark admits with a color of remorse. “Bruce didn’t think it was a good idea for anyone to come see you once you woke up.”

Bruce. Typical.

“He told us you were having a hard time adjusting. Said you didn’t want to be around your family and friends.” Clark eyes him closely. “I’m guessing it’s more complicated than that, isn’t it?”

Dick’s laugh falls flat. “Isn’t it always when it involves Bruce?”

“Touché.”

Dick pulls part of Clark’s cape into his lap and rubs the fabric between his fingers. He’s been sitting up here for way too long. He can’t help but fidget under Clark’s arm.

“You know what he did the first day I got home from the hospital?” Dick asks, focusing on the cape instead of Clark’s gaze. “I didn’t even have time to change out of my hospital gown before Alf—they shuffled me down to the batcave.”

He remembers how confused he’d been at that time. How awestruck he was at the very idea that he apparently grew up in a mansion with a butler. It didn’t make sense to him back then. Not when he only had a few select memories from the circus days and nothing else.

“Imagine my surprise when a man in a bat costume greeted me by jumping down from the goddamn rafters.”

He feels Clark’s stare burning into the side of his head.

“He did not,” Clark says in a tone that’s part disbelief and part oh my fucking god my best friend is a moron.

“Yup,” Dick says with a pop. “Right after that, I was treated to a video of me getting my brains blown out.”

Clark’s mouth drops open in shock. “What the hell?”

“My thoughts exactly. I booked it out of there and never went back.”

“He can’t just… why would he…?”

“Listen, I’m just happy to know that you’re acting like this isn’t normal. Everyone else was perfectly fine with it, and I thought there was something wrong with me for thinking it was insane to watch one of the most traumatic experiences of my life fresh out of the hospital.”

Clark groans and rubs his hands over his face. “Jesus Christ. There’s nothing wrong with you . Bruce on the other hand…”

“A real piece of work,” Dick nods in agreement. “He wanted me to be the same as I was before a bullet snatched my entire life away from me. Everyone did. That’s why they showed me that video, and that’s why I didn’t want to be around anyone I knew. They were only interested in getting me to remember stuff I had no chance of remembering. Shit sucked.”

And it still does. It really, really sucks.

Clark takes a second to process all that. “I can’t even imagine… I’m really sorry, Dick. Really, I am.”

Dick finally raises his head to lock eyes with Clark. He almost does a double-take when he realizes how upset Clark looks with his furrowed brows and deep frown.

“I didn’t know all that was going on. If I had, I would’ve checked on you even if Bruce didn’t want me to. Even if you didn’t want anything to do with me at that point, I still should have tried. I could’ve at least pestered Bruce into helping you more. I never was very good at trying to fix things between you two, though.”

Dick smiles sadly. “No, I guess not. That’s not part of your job description anyways.”

Clark squeezes the back of Dick’s neck. “It’s my job as your friend to give him a kick in the ass for you. How about that?”

“I think I could get behind that. Just… go easy on him, alright? He’s been dealing with a lot of shit lately.”

Clark gives him a pointed look. “You’re his kid. Your health and safety should have been his priority. Not getting your memories back. He needs to know that.”

“I know, I know,” Dick grumbles and crosses his arms. “I just think that with everything that’s happened recently, he’s not going to give you an explanation you’ll be satisfied with. There’s a lot of things he’s lost control of, and honestly, catching the third degree from you probably won’t register with him in a good way right now.”

Clark whistles short and low. “Even when he’s the one in the wrong, you’re still looking out for him. You amaze me Dick Grayson. Always have. You mind if I start sending Jon your way? I think he could learn a thing or two from you. ”

Dick feels his cheeks get hot at the praise. When he was younger, he always felt like a million bucks whenever Clark complimented him. Brain damage or no, that still hasn’t changed.

“From me? I’ve got nothing on you.”

“Hey, don’t talk about my favorite hero like that,” Clark says, booping Dick on the nose.

Even though Clark is probably just teasing him, Dick can’t help but soak in the happiness at the very idea of it.

“And don’t worry about Bruce’s problems right now,” Clark says, voice taking on a concerned tone once again. “If he needs help… I’ll do my best to help him. But I’m still going to talk to him about all of this because he needs to hear it.” Clark’s blue eyes are so intense that Dick almost looks away from him. “You just focus on yourself, alright?”

Dick wants to laugh at that because he’s so tired of thinking about himself. He spent practically an entire year having an identity crisis as Ric, and now that he has all of his memories back, he feels lost all over again. It’s like a rollercoaster he can’t get off of.

“Thanks,” he says anyway, because what the hell else is he supposed to say?

Clark claps him on the back, and just like that, the atmosphere suddenly feels lighter.

Dick feels lighter too. Kind of. Maybe it’s just the humidity making him feel a certain way.

“You know,” Clark says as he peels himself off the ledge and starts floating, “Lois cooked up a mean lasagna earlier. We still have half a pan left. Think you’d be interested in finishing it off with me?”

Dick’s stomach growls at the mention of food. He’s had hunger pain for hours now, and he can feel it reaching a peak. Even if Clark had just asked him to eat a seasoned rat, his answer still would’ve been the same.

“Hell yeah.”

He pulls himself to his feet and jumps forward, knowing that even if he’s uncertain about everything else in his life, the one thing he can rely on is that Clark will catch him.

And he does.

#Dick Grayson #Clark Kent #Nightwing #amnesia #hurt/comfort #my fic

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dazais-guardian-angel · 4 years

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I finished Curious Village again the other day, so here are some random thoughts. This is my first time replaying the main series since my... mid-to-late teen years? (though I guess it was later than I thought, if AL didn’t come out till 2014... I’m 25 now) so my memory of the fine details of them is a little hazy.

Flora really is wasted in the next two games, isn’t she... She’s introduced as part of the crew by the end of the game, especially with the additional epilogue cutscene in the hd version, but she literally gets the Kairi treatment, being left behind or used as a damsel for no discernable reason, when she could easily be just as capable as Luke... I mean she’s older than him, there’s no reason she couldn’t handle herself on their adventures if he can. -___- And like Kairi, I want to be more invested in her, but she barely has any focus and development, and it’s just ugh. I kind of like that it makes sense why Hershel would be so distant with her/not know how to parent properly, but I wish that was actually explored, and it’s not, so everyone ignoring her is just annoying and unnecessary-feeling instead. Tbh I’d rather her have just stayed behind altogether in the next two games instead of showing up just to be kidnapped or impersonated, if she wasn’t going to be made a main party member permanently.

People have said this before, but the main trilogy is honestly made so much better with knowledge of the prequels, in both emotional and absolutely buckwild ways, and it’s the funniest with CV - going from Azran Legacy straight into the mundane Curious Village is absolutely fucking HILARIOUS, as completely unintentional as it was by Level-5 lmaoooo

Hershel, after the shitshow that was Azran Legacy: “oh thank god, just an inheritance dispute.” Luke, who is easily impressed and apparently gets selective amnesia after every game: “THIS IS THE BIGGEST MYSTERY WE’LL EVER SOLVE-” Hershel, this close to murdering Luke a second time:

Can we make some connection between Bruno’s robot-making abilities and the Azran technology. And does the whole robot thing seriously trigger the boys as soon as it’s revealed because DEAR GOD NO NOT THIS AGAIN-

And related to that, I’m sure that was why Hershel could easily guess the robot thing early on; like seriously, nothing should faze this man anymore after what he’s been through (and yet, hilariously, the most ridiculous has yet to come, depending on how you look at it)

But he doesn’t have the faintest idea why Don Paolo would want revenge on him, which, like, even if he can’t think of anything specific... my dude, your family history is fucked up a;lsdlf;fd, there’s PLENTY OF OPTIONS (even if the actual reason is much less severe lol)

I’m sure we also all headcanon Descole to be slinking around in the background of the three main games somehow just because it’s more fun that way, so now that he’s no longer the rival, he’s the rival-turned-secret helper who makes sure everything goes right for Hershel (but he doesn’t do everything obviously cause he knows he can handle things himself), and probably bitchfights with Don Paolo some because that mental image is hilarious to me lmao

Post-UF scenario where Desmond helps Bruno with the robots with his technical prowess

and while we’re on that idea, Uncle Randall nerds out over everything robot in St. Mystere because let’s be real he would (Azran 2.0: Electric Boogaloo, But Without The Danger Or Trauma)

That scene when the tower is collapsing and Flora almost falls and Hershel catches her. Level-5 how could you completely accidentally and unintentionally create something so utterly painful out of such a small moment; I lie awake at night thinking about this!! :)))

Also Hershel yelling to Luke in that scene “I HAVE AN IDEYAHHH!” with his accent going off the rails on “idea” is an underrated iconic moment

Am I the only one who got the quiz question about Chelmey’s favorite food wrong because the answer was cakes something, and whatever the newspaper said it was was definitely not what I’d consider a cake

I love the implication that Pavel(?) is the only person in St Mystere besides Hershel, Luke, Don Paolo, Flora and Bruno who’s not a robot, and he just somehow ended up there by unknown means while trying to get to America??? and then somehow ends up on a high floor of the LOCKED tower, and still has no idea where tf he is. what a madlad

I never liked Luke’s squeaky UK voice, but I’m realizing his US one isn’t much better... and Flora’s voice in the new epilogue cutscene with the same voice actress years later is oof. why do the PL games just. reuse the same vas constantly for different characters. It’s obviously a thing in anime and games, but it’s especially noticeable in this series imo

fuck those puzzles with troll-y answers. also fuck that one with the chocolate bar and the coded letters with the bite marks

Matthew is probably one of my favorite npcs now; he’s just adorable <333 his little arms waggin’

Gordon needs to get a life

Pauly why are you the way that you are

“I’m not a detective”, Hershel continually says, as he unveils ridiculous plots that no one could have thought up in their wildest dreams, while gathering everyone together and pointing out the culprits dramatically, Agatha Christie style

I was tapping around for the exact pixel on painting Flora’s neck because it was ridiculously precise on the mobile version, and I never knew that if you tap her chest area, Hershel scolds Luke for not being a gentleman I-

Luke’s chubby head in the anime cutscenes sure is something... so glad it didn’t last. along with the front-facing Hershel sprite.

The ferris wheel attack is so great, I never really appreciated it before. The music, and the rain at the end with the rainbow 👌

We needed more of Hershel constructing things from random objects he finds lying around; iirc the only other time he does it is in Eternal Diva, though I guess the slot machine gun in UF counts too

I solved every slider puzzle in this game without a walkthrough, even the bonus ones. I do not expect this to last in the next games.

Overall I like Curious Village, though it remains one of my least favorites; there’s nothing wrong with it, and it was the very first so I’m not surprised it’s not very complex, with the mechanics and style still not fleshed out yet, but it doesn’t really hit me with The Feels™ as the best ones do, so it’s just okay. it started this wild ride of complete emotional devastation off, so I can appreciate it for that at least.

#professor layton #professor layton spoilers #watch me come back and edit this games later once i realize/remember more things about the series #'AND ANOTHER THING-'

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