i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out

𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐤𝐢 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬/𝐨 | h.c

navigation | requests : open | 25th march 2021

pairing : denki x gn!reader

genre : angst to fluff

themes : established relationship

request : angst to fluff hcs idea! denki hearing his S/O talk about their day and Denki being a little mad about something else that day he explodes his anger to her and he says "will you shut the fuck up? damn im so fucking tired of you". His S/O avoid him the following week even at work. Denki, feeling alone he asked his S/O what he did wrong. And then his S/O, almost crying, tells him what he did. He felt so guilty and bad and was finfing the way how to make it up to the. Thanks :)

note : i’m changing it slightly so they’re still in UA :p

[ denki ]

> you literally don’t argue

> in your 2 years of being together you’ve argued probably only twice and that was about safety it wasn’t out of spite it was out of concern

> obviously no one likes fighting but you both despise not being able to talk to each other as normal

> you’re the couple who do tiktok dances and play stupid pranks on eachother even if it takes hours of denki bribing you

> you have date nights every other day

> so when the bakusquad don’t see you together for a week they get a little concerned

-> scenario

> today had been a particularly tiring day training, everyone was tired but denki seemed to be going hard on himself

> he was mad at himself for not being able to withstand a certain amount of electricity before short circuiting

> since you were also busy training you couldn’t reassure him or make him feel better

> as soon as training ended denki headed to his dorm room laying face in his pillow

> you had arrived a little after him with mina and since he wasn’t playing video games downstairs you figured he’d probably be showering or something

> “hey denks” he just made a grunting noise as you sat on the bed

> “it was kinda fun seeing how far everyone could go with their quirks, oh and at one point i went against mina and her new moves are so cool, i wish i could’ve used that move you helped me make but there weren’t many chances to use it”

> you looked back down at the blonde his head was still in his pillow, you nudged him a little “how was your day love” you laughed a little at hid position

> “oh i think i saw you fighting against kiri you were doing so-”

> “do you ever shut the fuck up, i’m so damn tired of you y/n” he turned over slightly staring at his ceiling

> “what-” you were confused he’d never snapped like that

> “god you’re so annoying” he interjected you scoffed not wanting him to see you upset

> “right, you won’t be saying the same thing when you’re begging for my attention”

> he hadn’t really caught your words, he didn’t even realise what he had said

> when you got back to your room you overthought it a lot how long has he thought that about me, did we just break up

> you knew you were overthinking but that didn’t stop you from crying about it fuck has he really thought that shit about me from the beginning, that he’s tired of me, that i’m annoying

> you avoided him like the plague that night, you didn’t go downstairs much and usually you kept your door unlocked so he can sneak in but you locked it

> it hurt a lot knowing he thought that about you

> you went downstairs to grab a drink kirishima bakugou and sero were sat playing video games

> “hey y/n are you gonna play tonight?” you shook your head and walking over to him to see what theyre playing

> “you okay? you look tired” well i am tiring apparently

> “yeah sorry, just tired” you lied

> “oh in that case you should rest!” you smiled at the redhead nodding at his words

> “oh and y/n kaminari seemed worked up when we sparred earlier is he okay” you winced a little before pretending to have not heard them

> you opened the door of your room and struggled holding your water phone and books

> “hi sunshine” a sleepy voice that usually made your heart race except it made your heart rate speed up for a different reason

> you quickly closed the door and locked it sighing

> “y/n? what happened? is this one of your pranks you’re not getting me back by locking me out”

> the next day you woke up slightly earlier than usual, denki usually woke up late anyway so you took your time

> you walked to your class with bakugou and kirishima and sat in your usual seat

> when denki arrived he was a little confused since you hadn’t stumbled into his room at 6:30am and cuddled him until your alarm went off

> you didn’t have breakfast with him or walk to class with him

> you hadn’t even looked at him this morning and it scared him

> he wanted to talk to you but aizawa walked in making everyone sit in their seats

> for sparring partners you paired with bakugou since your quirks are pretty compatible

> during your sparring session you had pinned his arm behind his back which meant he fell on you since you were both so unbalanced, he had his arms on the ground caging you beneath him

> the electric type stared in jealousy wait is this why they’re acting weird? because they want to leave me for him

> fucking dumbass no just don’t hurt my feelings🌝

> you sat with the dekusquad since you’re friends with all of them

> it wasn’t too weird to others since you and the deku squad are pretty good friends

> you successfully ignored him for another school day but there was still the dorms

> “oi dumbass we’re doing movie night you comin” you smiled at the blondes softness towards his friends “sorry i’ve got uh homework”

> “uh homework?” you glared at him “you know what i mean”

> he rolled his eyes before going back to your friends

> denki watched from afar he wanted to make you smile, he wanted to do that so why weren’t you letting him

> “y/n” you froze a little hearing his voice so pleading but you shook it off and went to your room

> the next couple days were hard you didn’t know where you stood with the boy and you were honestly afraid to find out

> denki had tried to talk to you but everytime he did have the chance he chickened out afraid you’d say you don’t want him anymore and that terrified him so much he couldn’t think about it without tearing up

> it had been about a week since what happened and everyone noticed the atmosphere

> you both looked miserable and you wouldn’t be caught in the same room together

> “oi y/n open up, Now dumbass” you groaned letting the blonde in

> “what the fuck is going on with you and dunce face?!” you sighed

> “i’m not exactly sure” that wasnt a lie, you don’t really know where you stand with him

> “explain”

> “i went to his dorm as normal and he told me i was tiring and annoying and asked if i ever shut up.. it may not seem like much since you say that all the time but it’s the way he said it, he said it with so much hate, just didn’t feel great i guess”

> “just suck it up and talk to him, you don’t know what he’s thinking so find out”

> “and what if he wants to leave me”

> “then fuckin let him if things are meant to work out they will, besides i’m not doing this out of kindness, you’re uh not at your strongest during training so”

> you smiled a little hearing the blondes excuses for caring about his friends

> just as you let bakugou out denki watched and looked at the ground feeling tears in his eyes

> your eyes widened a little as he pushed open the door letting himself in

> “i don’t know what i did but you could’ve broken up with me before dating him you know!”

> you furrowed your eyebrows holding back tears

> “is that some sort of fucking joke denki?, you can’t tell me i’m tiring and annoying asking me if i ever shut up and then accuse me of cheating when that was very clearly your way of telling me to fuck off”

> just as he was about to ask what you meant he remembered what had happened that day, he was so tired and caught up in his own anger that he had forgotten

> “what the fuck, y/n i’m sorry i’m so sorry i didn’t mean to say any of that.. i shouldn’t have accused you of anything or taken it out on you” he let a tear slip out staring at the ground

> you thought about it and scolded yourself for overthinking so much

> “can we be okay y/n.. i love you even if i don’t deserve to”

> you sniffled a little at his words before smiling “do that again and i’ll fucking gut you”

> he jumped towards you with a grin on his face engulfing you in a hug

> “i missed this, i missed you so much baby”

> you nodded into his neck “me too”

A/N : pain only pain, i barely see any denki angst to fluffs so i’m here feeding my people😫

taglist : @todoroki-shoto-is-life @blazedbakugou @luluwiie @blue-gold-demigod-clouds @gazelle-des-pres @gaysimpsstuff

Last Piece 2.

title. Last Piece pairing. GOT7 JB x Reader genre. slice of life, romance, attempts at comedy, angst warnings. cursing, jb being a cute cat dad, reader is hella awkward but so is he, mentions of anxiety, GOT7 members being hella extra bc they are summary. As an English teacher from abroad, you get a lot of perks. One of the best ones is that you live in an apartment for free. Another perk seems to be the elusive, attractive man who lives two floors above you… Though his cats seem to prefer your apartment over his. And so does his mail, which makes you travel to his place pretty often regardless of whether he wants to see you or not.

new beginnings master post.

part one. part two.

______________________________________________________________

Ever since that first package drop off, you’ve run into Jaebum quite a few times. Living in the same building and occasionally getting each other’s mail definitely attributed to the frequency, and you were thankful for it. While you’re sure the male wouldn’t really consider the two of you friends, you liked to call him a “not quite but almost friend”... Not to his face but to your own friends and to yourself. Maybe occasionally to his cats. Speaking of his cats, you’ve met more than just Odd and Nora at this point. Nora seemed to be the jealous type, wanting her dad’s attention to herself, and would push the younger ones out of the apartment as Jaebum would come and go. The amount of times you’ve found Odd or Kunta wandering around the hall made you wonder how the man didn’t ever notice his oldest child bullying her siblings.  Other times he gets your mail, having it been delivered to him on accident somehow. You’d never live down the time he got a huge package from your grandparents, an amused smirk across his face as he brought it to you.  “Forget some things back home?” He had teased, setting the package down on your counter. Your face was bright red, unable to string together a coherent sentence because you didn’t want him to think you were forgetful, but then again you kind of were but what if -- “Hey, I’m just teasing, Y/N.” He had said, gentler this time, “I know it must be nice to have someone back home who cares about you.”  You had just nodded, your heartbeat evening out slowly as you chatted for a few more minutes before he hurried off. He was a bit gentler for a few days after, as if scared to get that reaction out of you again. You appreciated it. You hoped that one day you’d be able to not have that instant reaction to panic over a small comment. Since then, you’ve been trying to gather up the courage to ask if he wants to hang out for lunch or something. Every time you get close, you end up chickening out. And every time you cursed yourself, because you just wanted to be his friend -- something about him made you want to be around him. Today, though, you just wanted to get to work. You had planned a big interactive activity for your class today and you wanted to make sure everything was perfect. Hurrying down the stairs, you made sure you had everything in your bag before leaving the building. As you looked up, you noticed someone just barely walking ahead of you. Jaebum. Immediately your mind went through possible scenarios, from saying hello to quietly avoiding him, maybe even -- “Do you want to get lunch or something later Jae???” Oh no. Oh no. Your mouth decided for you. Not only that, you addressed him so casually even though he’s older, he’s definitely going to hate you -- Was... that a laugh? You focused her attention back on him, seeing him looking amused and a half smile on his face. You ignored the small catch in your throat and pushed away the thought of how nice he looked.  “Sure, give me your phone and we’ll plan something.” You don’t even remember handing over your device or him adding himself to your contacts, but a few minutes later he gave you a little finger salute and a promise to message you later for planning.  “Im Jaebum” the contact read in kakaotalk, simple and to the point, much like the man you were hoping to befriend. As you mentally patted yourself on the back for not crying, you glanced at the time on your phone before cursing loudly in your native language and running off to the subway. You were going to be late.  Despite you thinking that you totally had your excitement under control, your co-teacher and students definitely thought otherwise.  “Teacher, why can’t you sit still? Don’t you ... much sit down?” Sangmin, one of your fourth graders, attempted to ask. You smiled and gently corrected him, saying you liked to sit down very much, but don’t ‘always’ do it. He bashfully nodded and bowed his head down to talk with his desk partner about the dialogue you’d given out for discussion. “They’re right you know,” You jumped before recognizing the voice of your co-teacher, Taeyeon, “You’re acting like you’ve drank the Ediya shop out of stock.”  Oh. Perhaps you were flitting about the room more, babbling a little to yourself and to your students, and constantly looking over at your desk where you kept your phone while class was in session.  “I just... I made a friend.” You admitted, “You know, the guy from my apartment building?”  Taeyeon raised an eyebrow, looking at you skeptically. “I know I’ve asked this, but you sure you don’t like him more than a friend? It’s not like we’re not friends and you don’t have friends, Y/N.”  See you KNEW this but one of your biggest anxieties and fears was that you’d never be able to make friends outside of work or your past. Because, like Christian had always reassured you, you were a wonderful sweetheart but you were so hard to talk to because you were always so nervous. It made it hard.  “I really just want to meet his cats... Except Nora because she seems mean.” You noted, not really answering the question but in your mind, it was sufficient. Having worked with you and had recently made herself your friend, Taeyeon knew this was probably the best she was going to get out of you and just left it be. You’d figure it out eventually and she knew she’d be one of the first to know. She still couldn’t help but question it when she saw you light up at a notification on your phone.  ‘Want to meet up after your work and eat some chicken? I know a good place.’

___________________________________________________________ You forgot why you were so worried about hanging out with Jaebum in the first place. Talking with him, after the initial awkward greeting, was coming really easily to you. You only hoped he felt the same, it seemed so.  “So why Korea, hm?” Jaebum had asked, looking over at you as he drank his water. You chewed your food thoughtfully before swallowing. It was a question often asked, but it never bothered you to answer it. “I fell in love with this country the first week I came here, back in school.” You explained, “I’ve only ever felt at home in one other place, and it was with my grandparents. But when I came here... it just felt right, you know? Like fate was telling me to come here. So I wanted to come back after figuring out what I wanted to do.” Jaebum listened well, nodding along as you spoke. “I see. And you found teaching was it?” You nodded. “I love what I do, even more so that I get to do it in the place that feels like home.”  A small smile creeped along his face, and you coughed to distract yourself from staring. “So what do you do, Im Jaebum?”  After finding out that he HATED being addressed by his full name, especially by someone younger than him (which you were by a year), you couldn’t resist. You had to. “I’m a freelancer. I do a lot of music production work or lyricist support.” He rolled his eyes at your antics, but didn’t say anything. You lit up at the mention of music. Your father loved music, and you had fond memories of growing up with him playing everything from Mozart to The Eagles while your mother was gone. “That’s so cool! Did you go to school for it or is it just... apart of you?” You struggled to find the words to describe what you meant. While you were confident in your Korean, some words just... didn’t translate well in your opinion. He chuckled lowly, “I’ve been making and doing music since I was young. Never thought about doing anything else once I found it. I learned along the way.” The conversation continued, talking about favorite genres of music, eventually leading you to ask how his cats liked his music or if they preferred a certain type, to you demanding to know why Nora keeps trying to bully Odd. It was nice. Really, really nice actually. Jaebum smiled so much at you and even joined in your weird reactions or antics and it just made you feel warm and happy on the inside. He even insisted on paying since he was older and who were you to refuse free food? You were to excited -- you made a friend! The talking lulled while walking back to the apartment complex, but the silence wasn’t an awkward one. It was gentle and understanding. You didn’t need to fill up the space with idle, unneeded chit chat to be with each other. As you came to the doors of the building, Jaebum opened the door and allowed you to go first, and you might’ve missed it because of how bashful he sounded. “It’s been a while since I’ve had fun with someone who’s not my group.. Thanks, Y/N.” You smiled brightly. “Well, consider me apart of your group. We’re friends now Jae!” There you went with no honorifics. He scowled at you, pinching your neck as you tried to avoid him on your way to the elevator. “At least call me hyung or something if not oppa, you disrespectful brat!” He called out, only getting your childish giggles as his response. Hanging out with Jaebum wasn’t really easy or often. He’s really busy and his schedule is… not consistent. You knew it was due to his job and not because he hated you, so you weren’t as worried about it as you could be. Especially since he tried to talk to you at least once a week, even it was just a brief conversation in the stairwell, or on your way out to work. It was enough for you. Of course you see each other a little more often than usual because of the mail situation. For some reason, the mail person could not understand that just because you were one of the only foreigners from the U.S. in the building does not mean that every package from the U.S. is for you. But it did give you an excuse to go see Jaebum after a week, so you head up the stairs, package in hand, and you hear Jae’s voice -- and a few others, it sounded like? Huh? “Jae??? Is that you???” You peer up the stairwell to see if you can catch him, and soon you see Jae leaning over his own railing, catching sight of you and waving, but looking over to where you couldn’t see and looking a little pissed off. Oh... That was new. Was someone bothering him? Were you bothering him? You started apologizing, “Hey sorry if this is a bad time -- I got another package from your friend and I just --” “Yoooo Who’s that?! It sounds like a girl OH are you in love?!” A loud, excited male voice shouted over you, startling you and almost making you drop the package in your arms. “I told you her name is Y/N and she’s a friend!!” Jaebum’s chin seemed to stick out in reaction to your startled state -- you hoped he wasn’t too mad at you. Or his friend. It’s not his fault you’re easily scared.  You decided to call out once more, “So... the box?”  He looked down at you, his arm pointed and pushing someone, supposedly his friends, as he responded. “Yeah, bring it up, I’ll grab it from you -- Just let me get my friends into the apartment.” “I want to meet her!” “Bring her to us!” “Let us see her!” The loud, rambunctious voices all decided to loudly protest at once, making you shake a little in your boots, letting Jaebum disappear from your sight before sitting down to regain your nerve. You didn’t know Jaebum had... such loud friends. Feral children was the phrase that came to mind... Gathering your nerve, you walked up the stairs and into Jaebum’s hallway, where he’s already waiting for you, leaning against the door as it bumped against him at times, the sounds of whining and demands to see you seeping through the solid door. “Thanks, Y/N.” Jaebum smiled gently, taking the box from you. You managed a smile back, jumping at the sudden movement of the door that jostled him forward. “Sorry, I didn’t want to overwhelm you.” He apologized, kicking the door, “Hopefully you can meet them later, but right now I can tell they’re going to be too much for you and I actually want you to still be my friend after meeting them.” His explanation was a little rushed at the end, pink tinging his cheeks. Was Jaebum embarrassed? Well that was kinda cute.  You quickly pushed that thought aside. But you couldn’t help but flush. He noticed that about you? “Sorry, Jae...” “Don’t apologize! When you’re ready we can set something up. I think you’ll like them when they’re calmer.” His smiled widened, “Then I’ll have someone calm and not evil to combat these brats.” “I thought I was a brat, though?” You tilted your head, feeling more at ease. He rolled his eyes.  “You’re all brats and I suffer. But I guess I enjoy suffering.” He shrugged. “Well, I’ll see you around Y/N. Promise.” You nodded, scurrying off before Jaebum’s friends could break the door down. After getting into the apartment, you smiled to yourself. Jaebum liked you enough to want to meet his friends. You were friends.

Thoughts on my portrayal

I've been meaning to get more active on this account as soon as I can scrounge up enough will to do so. But I wanted to explain my thought process as to why certain aspects are the way they are for the... 10(?) people who actually care lmao.

My Proton is heavily inspired by his appearance in the HGSS manga. Tbh I'm not a huge fan of PokeSpe, but when you've got such slim pickings with the in-game canon material, anything that can be taken into consideration should at least be at least looked at. I found the idea that he was Team Rocket's stoic, quiet, Computer Tech Guy a fresh take. As a result, I combined them -- Proton IS indeed their stoic, quiet Computer Tech / Social Media Guy, but he's ALSO a ruthless sadistic asshole, who's only quiet because he can't stand talking to other people.

When you look at his portrayal as a combination between the games and PokeSpe, things start to make a lot more sense. He is an incredibly capable, computer-savvy internet nerd, but he makes himself so unavailable (emotionally or otherwise) that he's got a weird amount of mystique about him. Girls in the organization tend to simp for him because, as sparse as he makes himself, he's still the most visible Executive in the organization, and he's got a pretty face to boot. They will usually try to prove how much they adore him by savagely targeting anything he deems stupid like the most toxic Stans in the history of anything. But ultimately, all of that is for naught. Proton is just too fucking misanthropic to ever give a damn about other people, and in truth, he probably hates his Stans the most out of anybody. But he accepts the chaos they wreak as the only "good" thing to come out of the situation.

Now about his accent: There's a fair amount of debate about whether or not Sinnoh should be treated as just another part of Japan, as was intended, or Russia. Tbh I go with the former hc more than the latter, but I decided to give Proton a Slavic-ish accent anyways because 1) It's kinda funny 2) Chicks dig guys with foreign accents 3) Proton can be obtuse on purpose and no one could be able to tell.

He does have genuine difficulties with speaking Japanese, but is generally much better at writing it. This is mostly because he talks a lot faster than he writes. When you're documenting a report or something, you can go slow or proofread it as you see fit. Talking doesn't work like that. He's personally the type of guy who would hate having a conversation with someone where they pause every 5 seconds and spend an eternity searching for the right word, so he made the conscious decision to sacrifice accuracy for speed with the assumption of, "Meh, they'll figure out what I really meant." (This also comes into play during internet / IM conversations where speed is more important.) Just call his ability Hustle I guess, lmao.

Despite his deep, pathological hatred for just about Everything in the world, Proton is super devoted to Team Rocket as a whole, and instills the same measure of respect into those serving directly under him. That's because he felt like Team Rocket was the first organization that really GOT him and appreciated him for who he was (a terrible, sadistic douchebag) instead of trying to change him for the "better". In fact, they promoted him for it. That's special to him, so his feelings in general about returning to a more "civilized" career fills him with dread. He'd quite literally fight for Team Rocket to the death if need-be.

Team Rocket also gave him his first, most significant friend in Petrel, who is the cool headed one in their red/blue dynamic. Despite that, you'll hear him constantly insult Petrel and downplay his importance, often calling him degrading stuff like "Rattata Man". In a very strange way, that could be considered a compliment from him, since he calls basically everyone (including himself) "maggots". Being a Rattata among maggots doesn't sound too bad, does it? In addition, he calls Giovanni p much exclusively "Boss". That's the most respect he'll ever show anyone tbh.

So it should be no surprise why Proton tends to hate Silver so much -- he respects Giovanni more than anyone in the world, and here comes this whiny little brat, mooching off of him. He knows now that Silver is SUPPOSED to be Giovanni's kid, but tbh he thinks it's a lie and considers Giovanni dumb as fuck for not seeing it for himself. In Proton's eyes, Giovanni and Silver look NOTHING alike. So don't expect him to show you any high regards if you're a Silver mun. He'll disrespect you in front of anyone -- including your own damn father, if need-be. No fear.

That's about all I have in terms of HCs for this guy. Please feel free to shoot me any questions about him if you have them.

The Songs in Our Life: It’s Not a Date

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Y/N & Tom learn more about each other on their night out together...but remember it’s not a date.

Inspired by: I Wanna Know You - Hannah Montana & David Archuleta

Album Description | Track 1 | Track 2 |

Waiting. It’s the action of staying where you are to delaying something until a certain time has come or something happens. 

For instance, Y/N and Tom were due for a date at 5:40pm, and the wait was almost unbearable for them. Not that it was ever an official date....but the idea of seeing each other again the very same day brought a feeling of excitement. Something that neither had felt in a very long time. Seconds, minutes, and the remaining hours passed. Y/N had clocked out of work, shoved her laptop in her bag, and made her way down to lobby to meet Tom. As she approached the area, her steps slowed and ultimately stopping in her tracks. Seeing Tom, casually waiting brought a new found feeling. She smiled at him, already thinking about the possibilities of the if’s and’s & wants in her future, but immediately shook out the thought. 

“C’mon Y/N it’s way too early to be thinking like this. You haven't even gone on a date with him yet and you're already thinking about a future. Jesus.” Y/N muttered to herself, verbally smacking some common sense into her brain. 

As she continued to walk towards Tom, he looked up to meet her eyes and started walking to her direction. “Fancy seeing you here, darling.” he greeted with that boyish smile. He offered his hands, gesturing to allow him to carry her bag, but Y/N simply shook her head and declined the offer. “It’s okay. I got it.” 

“Are you sure?” he asked. 

“Of course, but would it be okay if we stopped by my apartment to drop this off?” Y/N replied to him. “I really don't want to be carrying this around while I blow your mind with the best food in the city.” 

Tom hadn’t replied to Y/N’s question, he was too busy thinking about..well...her. In his mind, he would have been more bold and responded to her question like ‘Aw, here I was hoping you were just going to invite me in to stay there and I can show you a really good time’. Or ‘Nothing blows my mind more than you’.

Instead what came out was “Yeah, sure that’s fine.” he smiled back, mentally slapping himself for not being able to pull off something smoother.

“Okay, let’s go. It’s not that far.” Y/N lead the way, with Tom following behind. There it was. That awkward-but-not-so-awkward tension coming up as the two walked in silence to Y/N’s apartment. Both knew it wasn’t an official date, so why was it hard to just strike a conversation? Y//N and Tom fought with their inner conscious as they tried to figure out how to make the first move. It was then when both Tom and Y/N, took a deep breath and said out loud their questions the same time.

They laughed at their failed attempts to strike a proper conversation, and tried to make it better by saying “You first.” in unison and then “No you.” 

Tom gestured to Y/N to speak first. “So how was your press interview? Did you get in trouble for being late?” Y/N asked as they continued to walk the streets of 34th Avenue.

Tom looked at Y/N’s way, recollecting their first meet up. Indeed Tom was extremely late, but if he hadn’t been he wouldn’t be in this position right now with her. “Yeah it went well. I just got in a little bit of trouble, but it’s okay. Sometimes you’ve got to live a little dangerously.” he winked, which made Y/N’s cheeks display the most delicate shade of pink. “What about you? How was work?”

Y/N shrugged at his question. “Can’t complain. Im still new to the company, but the projects are fun and everyone’s welcoming and a pleasure to work with. Just hoping I dont mess it up.”

“Im sure you won’t. You dont seem to be that type.” Tom responds truthfully.

Y/N looks at him and smiles. “Oh? And what type do I seem to be?” She challenges him, but before he could speak, they make it to Y/N’s apartment.

She jiggles the key in and opens the door for Tom, allowing him to enter first. The first thing that catches his eyes are the cream colored walls and soft blue furniture accents. Papers are piled up on a table, and pictures of Y/N with her friends and family placed decoratively on the walls. Candles were lit and the T.V. was softly playing in the background. “Wow...this is really cozy.” Tom reacts, intaking the surrounding. “Though I must say I usually get invited inside the house on the second date.” He laughs at his sorry joke.

Thankfully Y/N’s sense of humor was extremely easy tonplease, and she laughed along with him, playfully hitting his shoulder. “Oh stop, I told you I need to set my stuff down. I —”

“Hey Y/N I was wondering what—” Y/N’s roomate and best friend comes in to the living room seeing a rare sighting of Y/N with a man. “Oh...I didnt know we had company.” She smiles, trying her best to contain her excitement for her best friend.

“Oh right.” Y/N closes her eyes briefly in hopes that her best friend doesnt embarrass her. “Um Tom this is Kaitlyn, she’s my best friend and roomate. Kaitlyn this is Tom H—”

“Believe me. I know who you are.” Kaitlyn smiles widely. “It’s...wow..a surprise really. Nice to meet you.”

“And it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Tom greets back shaking her hand.

“So are you two like...” Kaitlyn gestures as she squiches her hands together. “On a date?”

Both Y/N’s and Tom’s eyes widen, both of their cheeks turning a deep shade of pink. They knew it wasnt such a bad thing to consider, them being on a date and getting romantic. But they just met, neither wanted to risk the chance of screwing it up. “Of course not. I was just planning to show Tom around the city, since he’s not from here.”

Tom would be lying if he said his heart didnt drop just a little, but he wasnt going to let that show. Even though he wanted it to be so much more than a hang out. “Yeah, I figured why not....since we’re friends.” There it goes again..that awkward silence.

“Uh huh. Im sure you both will enjoy your friendly hangout. Y/N knows all the best places to eat.”

“I wouldnt doubt it.” Tom smiles.

“And we should get going...uhh Kaitlyn you’re welcome to join us if you want?” Y/N interjects as she and Tom get ready to go out.

“Oh. It’s fine! You two go out. Im good here.” Kaitlyn rejects and winks at Y/N.

Y/N rolls her eyes as she leads Tom out. Not far from her home, the two make it to Chelea’s Market, where they indulge in all things Italian. From the flavorful pasta, to the fresh steamy focaccia bread that comes right out of the stone oven. It was Y/N’s go-to place to impress anyone visiting. The food was great and the scenery outside was beautiful.

While the food was incredible, Tom’s prescence was where the real magic came to play. She could only imagine what hanging out with a celebrity would be like, but Tom was another story.

She took in how engaged he was with her stories about growing up in a small town in New Jersey with her family, how Kaitlyn and two other friends had stayed together since they were 6, and how her life had felt so barred until she moved here in the city, feeling free for the first time ever.

He was interested in all of it. Tom’s eyes looked at her with endearment, and his smile grew the more he heard about her most heart touching memories, his laugh becoming more robust and joyus when she told him a funny memory. He was falling for her, even though he didnt want to admit it just yet. While he got a good chunk of her life, he wanted to know more.

Y/N on the other hand, wanted to turn the tables. “So what about you?” She asked, as they both made their way to the High Line, warm latte in hand.

“What do you mean?” He questions back, displaying a coy smile.

“C’mon you know what I mean. What’s your story? And when I mean story I dont mean how you got famous.” Y/N explains as they continue walking.

Tom looked down at the ground, thinking. He couldnt remember the last time a stranger wiuld ask about his life, and not just the story about his career. “Well, I have 3 younger brothers. A set of twins named Sam and Harry and a younger brother name Paddy but we like to call him Padster. I lived with my best mate Harrison for 4 years. Love sports but golfing all time has to be my favorite. Ironically, Im terrified of spiders and I hate cheese.”

Y/N took in his 5 minute biography, and thought about how genuine he was. Just like she did, Tom gave stories about his brothers and best friend, and the more he talked the real he felt to Y/N. Their friendship was blossoming and in this moment nothing felt out of place. “Wow, you hate cheese?! Cheese is single-handely the best creation on this planet. I feel sorry for the girl that had to deal with that.” Y/N stopped her tracks, realizing what she just slipped in. She didnt mean to mention about a potential girlfriend he did or didnt have, it just...happened.

“Haha Im sure she doesn’t mind. She doesnt particulary like cheese either.” He plays along, but Y/N’s spirit started to lower. So there was a girl after all. She should have known.

“Oh, so there is a girl. Isnt there?” She speaks in a monotone.

“Of course! Tessa shes been with me for awile. Cheeky little dog, but I love her so much.” Tom laughs as he takes a sip of his coffee.

Y/N shook her head as she caught on his words. Dog? Upon realization, she shook her head looking down at the ground hiding her embarrassment.

“Sorry. I had to.” He continued to laugh, “but your face and attitude was priceless. Its almost as if you we’re jealous or soemthing.”

“What?! Me jealous?! Please.” Y/N tried miserably to play off.

“C’mon I saw those lips purse and that cute nose scrunch. You looked wee bit jealous.” Tom stated as he lifted her chin to meet his eyes. The moment was tense and silent but not akward. They took in each others features, lips getting closer, eyes slowly closing until... “It’s getting late.”Y/N whispered. Both let down by the moment being ruined.

Tom pulled away with a look of disappointment. “Yeah...you’re right. I’ll walk you back? My hotel is not far from your place.” He offered.

“Of course it’s not. It’s the tri-state area. Everything here is 30 minutes or less.” She jokes, trying to lighten the mood. “I would like that a lot.”

They continued to walk back home, side by side with light conversations. Almost forgetting their almost-kiss on their unofficial date. As they reached the steps of Y/N’s apartment. The two bid their farewell.

“Well I had a lot of fun tonight. Thank you Y/N.” Tom said smiling at her as he held her hand.

“Likewise. I cant remember the last time I had this much fun.” Y/N admits, hoping that this wouldnt be the first and last time she’d see him. “Maybe we can do this again?” She bravely suggests.

“I’d love that. See you soon, darling.” With that he kissed her goodbye on the cheek as he made his way to the hotel, but not until he made sure, Y/N got inside safely.

Proceed to Track 3.

Taglist (Send an ask or message to be added):

@horanxholland @peterspideyy @stan-ish230403 @averyfosterthoughts @eridanuswave @greatpizzascissorstaco

FIVE SONGS

list five songs associated with your muse and its meaning to them as a character, or to you as the writer. this can be applied in-character or out-of-character. it can go as deep as looking at the song’s real-world origins or meaning along with the themes it carries to the muses’ story, values, or experiences, or as simple as if your muse would listen to this kind of music, or even if you just listen to these pieces for inspiration.

TAGGED BY: @dansiere​​, who did such a good detailed job they even included an “honorable mentions list” ? i am embarrassed to type mine out now TAGGING: @blossomingbeelzebug​​ @zhrets​​ @dirtyfilthysunshine​​ @prcphesise​​ @hyakiru​ @foxcharmed​

01. kaun komsott - ros sereysothea

this song actually lyrically has absolutely nothing to do with ziggy !!!!  kaun komsott /  កូនកំសត់ actually just means “poor/pitiful child” it’s just a khmer dub of a song from a taiwanese movie lol but i feel like this is the kind of music he would listen to that made him fall in love with, like ... humanity, as dumb as that sounds. it’s time period appropriate (late 60s/early to mid 70s), the song is really good and it’s SO emotional.  i could see him sitting in the apartment of his bandmates after being “found” and they teach him how to use the record player and he sits there going through each and every record they have and listening to this and its like the fucking scene in ratatootie where the goddamn rat can visualize tastes as colors but he would be so enamored with the song he would see it in colors or something i dunno.  something has definitely fucking happened to my brain because ever since nat and alex and i rewatched ratatootie we keep referencing it for our characters. anyways i ended up using an instrumental of kaun komsott in the final film i made as the song that plays during the end.  so this song just also means a lot to me because it’s part of how i made this character and the film/story i animated to go along with him, i am sure you are all absolutely sick of hearing me talk about it <3  

02. who can i be now - daveed booweyywywy now you found me, now can I be real?  can I be real? if it’s all a vast creation / putting on a face that’s new someone has to see / a role for him and me someone might as well be you

one of z’s most obvious character motifs is figuring out self identity through adopting different guises.  he markets himself as being so overly confident and almost arrogantly certain of himself -- rock god space idol whatever -- as his own way of learning who he thinks he might be underneath it all.  i think at first it started off a little innocuous, a ‘ fake it till u make it ’ thing at the least and maybe more obviously a ‘ im not a human so i have to pretend to be someone else ’ deal, but over time it became almost all consuming and just obliterated all his previously held sense of self in favor of some weirdly demented version of who he wanted to be.  683 starts off with the same core personality traits as ziggy: maybe he’s a little vain, a little selfish, but he’s very interested in creativity/self-expression and he wants to be thought of as a unique individual and appreciated for his differences.  but the difference is that 683 isnt an arrogant asshole who has no regard for other people in the slightest.  so yeah ... who can u be now ... is it worth it to adopt a different guise or should he go through the effort of figuring out what parts of his personality were corroded by human influence and what parts are genuinely him?  my big endgame thoughts for his story would be that he eventually just decides to retire from the public eye and fucks off entirely.  this would be over the course of a long long long time -- maybe he has a good 20 yr run in the industry -- but there are some things about him he has to deal with (mental health issues, drug addiction, also the fact that you’re a freaky alien creature who doesnt age like a human so you’re physically like 46 and you still look like you’re 25?) so he inevitably decides he doesnt need the horrible pressure of fame and he ought to just live his life for himself.  i think this would be a nice final song for him to sing/perform -- then he goes into the dressing room and cuts his hair and just vanishes. bye.

03. sunny afternoon - the kinks Help me, help me, help me sail away Well give me two good reasons why I oughta stay 'Cause I love to live so pleasantly Live this life of luxury Lazing on a sunny afternoon

1. i think this would sound A LITTLE like the kind of music he would write/play albeit i feel like his would be more exciting and have more samplings of like laser noises or pewpewpew or weird spaceship sounds BUT.  its also pretty time period appropriate.  even in “modern” verses ziggy is inexplicably obsessed with the 1970s, he likes bell bottoms and thinks groovy patterns are neat and he owns too many lava lamps.  anywayz. 2. just the general idea of feeling unfulfilled with luxury -- even if ziggy enjoys his fame and wealth and the absolutely insane amount of pussy/dick he gets at some level he is still cognizantly aware of how weirdly empty he feels.  he ditched atomina and came here because he felt unfulfilled and bored and unwanted.  now he feels wanted (clearly, everyone loves him) and he feels entertained (earth is So Good at fun distractions) but his fulfillment still isnt quite there.  he’s getting there -- but in exchange of being able to live this life of fame, he’s had to kind of change everything about himself and live this almost caricature version of himself, and he knows he cant keep it up forever.  the luxury will run out one day and he’ll be a washup and no one cares about celebrities once they stop being hip.  it is literally only a matter of time before ziggy has to find out who he is because no one can be a “rockstar” forever.

04. i hate jimmy page - mindless self indulgence SUCKAS CAN REACH OUT TOUCH ME EAT ME BITE DA FUTURE & FUCK DA PAST  I'm lower than most animals and fear what might be weird and all those voices in my head have every right to be there i ain't a girl just cause i rock the boat i ain't a boy just cause i rock your world

i mean he does hate jimmy page but that’s beside the point. its just a good song about being a crazy rockstar and has the same Craziness that i feel like accompanies his character ... just go listen to it you will understand. there is nothing to explain here.  even the lyric “ill show u how official midgets jack me off” like just accept it. it’s whatever  but yeah i aint a girl i aint a boy ... i guess his gender (or lack thereof) never really comes up in rp but its still an important part of his character.  if any of u guys ever call him a man in prose again ill kick ur ass.  gender is like an accessory to him and he just takes whatever aspects of masculinity/femininity he prefers and discards everything else.  to him he’s just as much a “man” or a “woman” as he is a “human” which is to say he isnt, at all, and he just pretends to be because he feels obligated to.  also ziggy’s brain kind of sounds like this...just Noises.  his brain sounds like a microwave that’s been going off for 26 years.  i think his brain is a single uncooked pinto bean rolled in glitter that’s been left in a box with a cobweb

05. ghostride - crumb daydreaming I stay in the backseat / the slow beat rocks me back to sleep keeps me on automatic  press my face up close against the glass i see the people when they pass they move so automatic you wake up when I go down / the radio reminds me I'm alive we've been hearing it all night

i care more about 683 on atomina than i do about ziggy on earth sometimes (BUT I CARE THEM BOTH. DO U?) so ... 683 feeling aimless and drifting but trying to find purpose through passion, a person, some sort of concrete meaning -- going through the motions of life makes him feel empty he spends almost every day going through the same toil while feeling guilty or like a burden and also feeling like he’s ultimately nothing more than a replaceable cog in a machine. his species had a near extinction = bottleneck which made them so genetically similar they’re almost clones of each other.  no one ever seems to do anything wrong except him, he finds no joy or fulfillment in anything at all.  all he ever wanted (which isnt a selfish desire at all) was to feel purpose, or feel wanted, or appreciated. inevitably he leaves because of his own imagination -- he yearns for something More, and he doesn’t know What, so he figured he ought to at least Try instead of waste his life away. also atomina is supposed to sound like “automatic.”  do NOT make fun of my bad scifi.  i am trying to mimic the way 1970s scifi is endearingly cheesy.  come here.  i just want to touch you with this knife.  gently tho it wont go inside of you. bro you are bleeding. bro we are bleeding and i keep putting the knife in your soft parts.

Im going to explain my personality so you can confirm or deny if im an infp 5w6. Firstly I do relate to 5s fear of being useless and incapable. I dont go out of my way to help anyone, but if someone wants me to help them, I will try to do what I can or give them advice. If im not able to help them I say something obvious/vague so it still looks like I know what im talking about. I really hate looking stupid or feeling inferior to anyone. I also hate feeling powerless.[1/8]

I feel so pathetic when I cant do anything to influence something in certain situations. I relate to 7s fear too. I hate feeling any type of negative emotion and I just want to enjoy myself and have fun. I care very much about satisfying my own desires just so I can feel better and not feel like im forcing anything on myself or doing anything unwillingly. I also hate feeling like someone is controlling me or has any power over me. I love having freedom to do whatever I feel like doing.[2/8]              

Restrictions make me angry. Im an observant person and im not great at talking to people or forming any type of relationships with anyone. Its hard for me to find people I can get along with. Im opinionated and I love sharing my perspective on things with everyone to see what they think. I enjoy making people not able to counter my points. It usually means I have evolved my way of thinking or the person wasnt very smart. Im surprisingly good at manipulating people without even realizing it.[3/8]            

           Im extremely suspicious of people so it takes me years to trust anyone. Ive been considered selfish by many people but I think its because theres no way I can possibly understand anyone besides myself. Isnt it pointless and rude to make assumptions about someone? And I would rather not risk being wrong. I am great at predicting what someone will do. With people im close with or have a good understanding of them, I know exactly what they will say and what their next actions will be.[4/8]            

           Im usually never wrong about this. I am confident in myself and I am aware of my limits. I am not afraid to confront someone if I feel like I need to to feel satisfied. I am mainly concerned about how something will benefit me or how I feel rather than how others feel. I can easily come up with a bunch of ideas or solutions in most situations. When I think of solutions I have no problem considering everything detail to find a perfect solution or offer multiple if there is nothing ideal.[5/8]            

           Im a quiet person. I am very competitive when I care about something. Winning is always important to me. I am very pessimistic because I hate disappointing myself. Id rather be surprised than disappointed. I like when things are less organized because of how interesting things can get. If I say something, Im obviously confident in the trueness of it so when someone says I am wrong I get confused/offended and panic until I can convince them I was actually right.[6/8]            

           If im wrong about something I start to question what is actually true and doubt ability to be correct. I am prideful so I hate having to accept being wrong. I seem uncaring to a lot of people but sometimes I do actually care, im just not very expressive of those feelings. I am very defensive of myself. If someone even touches me I am instantly ready to attack whoever it was, I usually dont, I prepare just in case. You never know what can happen.[7/8]        

           I can be very dramatic/panic if I feel completely hopeless which isnt very often but often enough to mention. To avoid overthinking, im impulsive when I make decisions or do something. Thinking just wastes time in some situations. I am considerate of people I care about. Im not afraid of negative things happening because they havent happened yet so why would I be worrying about it. This is a lot so I'm going to end it here. Hopefully I included all of the relevant information about myself.[8/8]            

------------------

Hi,

You sound like neither an INFP nor a 5 and I think you’re an ExTP 7. There is also a decent amount of contradiction in here, which may be situational but might be a sign that you need some more time to get a better understanding of your own personality (as many people do - if you’re in your teens or have low/no Fi, this is very normal).

To start off, you mention that you relate to 7 as well, and you provide considerably more evidence in favor of that - avoiding negative emotion, indulging in your desires, impulsivity, and so forth. 5 is really not indulgent nor avoidant of negative emotions, and 5s as a rule aren’t particularly good with people or manipulation either as they will almost always rather withdraw from the situation. 7′s core fear is to be trapped or deprived and unable to do what they want, and that sounds by far the most accurate. My guess is 7w8 here, and possibly with an 8 fix as well.

There is really nothing that looks like high Fi in this, to be honest. Ti is the function that tends to be motivated and excited by making other people unable to counter their points. High Ti users tend to enjoy arguments for arguments sake (vs. for a specific goal) and Ti-Fe users tend to be more interested in getting everyone’s perspective than Fi-Te users. Fi-doms are also typically not very good at manipulation; when unhealthy they tend to get invested in authenticity and thinking everyone else is fake but they don’t really need the approval of others in the same way, so there’s not that same motivation to manipulate in the first place. On a more positive note, Ti users do like problem-solving and tend to take pride in that ability.

You mentioned you’re a quiet person, but so much of this question is about interacting with other people, being somewhat confrontational, and being impulsive. Overall I think there is very prominent extroverted perceiving and better Fe than Si displayed here - the overall style seems very extroverted to me.

I could go with either Se or Ne as a lot of this was general extroverted perceiving; both can be pretty good at predicting things since Se tends to pick up on many tiny details (ESxPs are among the best at reading people) and Ne tends to think of so many possibilities that the right one is often among them; both often can come up with multiple solutions, and so on. There’s nothing that specifically points to one or the other here for me (and they can be hard to tell apart) so I’d consider your spatial awareness/reasoning and your thought processes in terms of abstract/concrete.

Name:  Stephanie.

Country: USA.

Age:  31.

Gender(s): Female

Height:  ~5′4

weight:  70-something lbs.

eye color: Brown.

skin color:  White.

Heritage: I’ve been really wanting to do one of those ancestry dna or 23 and me tests to find out exactly what I am. Relationship status:  Single.

Are you physically healthy?  No.

Are you mentally healthy? Nope

Job?:  No job.

school:  I graduated college back in 2015.

Favs:

Animal:  Dogs and giraffes.

Flower:  I don’t really have one.

Movie:  I have many favorites.

TV show: I have many favorites.

Music:  I like variety.

Band:  One of them will always be Linkin Park.

Video Game: Mario Bros games and Animal Crossing: New Horizon

Gaming Console: Nintendo Switch.

Name:  Alexander. ;)

Person:  My family.

Love life:

1: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Nope.

2: Do you love them? 

3: Are you still in love with an ex? No.

4: How many people have you dated?  Two.

5: Do you think you’ll get married?  No.

6: Have you ever been emotionally/physically abused in a relationship?  No.

7: Have you ever hurt your partner by accident without knowing it? I’m single, but no I don’t think I have in the past. But if I didn’t know it then I wouldn’t know?

8: Whats important to you in a relationship?  Communication, trust, understanding, patience.

9: Do you have to see them everyday? ( or hear from them)? I’m singleeee. 

10: Do you think you can love someone within 2 weeks? I personally don’t think so.

Friendship and Family:

1: How many friends do you have?  Zero.

2: What type of friend are you?  Not a good one anymore.

3: Have you ever been friends with someone for longer than 7 years? Yeah. My former best friend and I were friends for almost 15 years.

4: Do you have one best friend, more or none?  One, my mom. 

5: Have you ever had a friend just stop being your friend and you never knew why?  Yes.

6: Do you get along with family?  Yes.

7: Do you have a family member you hate?  No.

8: Does your family accept who you are?  Yes.

9: Are you an only child or have siblings?  I have 2 brothers. 

10: Do you have parents that still live together? Yes.

School:

1:What grade are you in? I’m not.

2: Are you in Middle, High, or college? ( or neither)?  Neither, like I said I graduated college back in 2015.

3: Whats your favorite class?  English was always my favorite. In college I enjoyed most of my psych classes.

4: Do you have a fav school year?  Elementary school years.

5: Are you a good student?  I was, yeah.

6: Do you think homework is good or bad?  I wouldn’t say it’s good or bad. I mean, I get seeing if you’re understanding then material and whatnot and applying it. I guess it depends on the amount assigned and what type of assignment it is. 

7: Have you ever had a teacher who was really funny but had poor teaching skills?  Yes.

8: Is your GPA high or low?  It was high.

9: Do you like to particpate in conversations in the class room or are you the listener?  I was definitely a listener. I haaaaated classes that made class discussion apart of your grade.

10: Do you take part in extra school events? (eg. Plays, sports, leadership,clubs)? I was in clubs in high school and the psych club in college, even serving as a board member.

Health

1: Do you need to lose or gain weight?  I definitely need to put on some weight.

2: Have you ever had the swine flu? (H1n1)  No. I remember being scared about getting it and that whole thing wasn’t even on the level of covid. 

3: Do you like to go to the doctors?  Nooo. I’ve had more than my share of doctor appointments of all different kinds all throughout my life. They still make me anxious and stressed out, they’re definitely not something I find enjoyable.

4: Have you ever puked in school or at work?  I remember getting sick once in kindergarten and having to rush outside to the trash can.

5: Have you ever been extremely sick where you couldnt even leave your bed? Yes, I’ve experienced that several times.

6: Do you hate puking or does it make you feel better? I hate actually doing it, but afterwards I usually do feel better. There are times where it gets to the point where I wish I would just do it already and get it over with cause I know it’d help me feel better. That’s when I’m really not feeling well.

7: Have you ever coughed up blood?  No.

8: Should you be eating healthier ? Yes.

9: Do you lie to your doctor?  I downplay some things or not share certain things, admittedly. :X

10: Have you ever taken too much advils?  No. That would make me sick.

Mental Health:

1: Do you have a mental illness?  Yes.

2: Do you take anti-depressants? No.

3: Are you mentally stable?  Uhhh.

4: Have you ever been misdiagnosed? Yes.

5: Do you think you have an disorder but havent been properly diagnosed yet? Maybe.

6: Is self diagnosing good or bad? I don’t see an issue with researching yourself and thinking you may have something, but it’s important to take that information to a doctor. However, sadly I know that not everyone is able to do that. And I also have a problem with doing that myself, which I think can cause unnecessary stress. I also think people tend to throw around labels and say they have something when they don’t. Gah, it’s a slippery slope.

7: Should we give more money to mental health research?  Yes, absolutely.

8: Do you think everyone has a chance to over come their mental disorders?  I think many can learn to better manage some of them, but I feel like they’re always going to be there. 

9: Would you ever not date someone if they had a severe disorder? ( Schizophrenia,BPD, mood disorders)? I don’t know and I’m probably horrible for saying that. I have my mental disorders and I know it can be a lot for people to be around and handle. I just... I don’t know if I’d be able to be there for them in a way they might need ya know? I lack the experience. I can’t say no for certain. I think it would just really depend on the situation and if I learned more about it. 

10: Does mental illness run in your family? Yes.

SEX

1: Virgin?  Yes.

2: what age did you lose it? 3: Did you take sex ed? 6th grade, middle school, and a health and psych class my freshman year in high school.

4: Does size matter?

5: Whats your favorite poistions?

6: Does virginity exist? I believe so. I know some feel it’s not a real thing or a social construct, but to me it’s a thing. It’s someone who hasn’t had sex. When you have sex, you’re said to have lost your virginity and to me that just means in the very literal sense that you’re not a virgin anymore. I’m not referring to it as something deeper. Although, it can be for some people. And while I don’t think it’s like losing some part of yourself or something life altering, I personally feel like I would feel a change in some way. I also want to add that it’s something I want “lose” or share with someone special. I don’t know, man. I’m sure I’m not explaining it well. It’s just a personal thing.

7: Do you think sex is overated?  I wouldn’t know.

8: Is making love and fucking different? One just sounds more romantic and slow and passionate and the other sounds rough lol 9: Is it important for both genders to understand eachothers bodies?  Yeah.

10: If someone was a virgin and was raped, did they lose their virginity? If it’s not consensual or your choice then you can choose not to count it is how I see it. Like yes, technically they’ve had sex, but something so horrific and traumatic doesn’t count. Losing their virginity should be done their way, with someone they want to share that with. In the situation they were raped, they’re allowed to take their power and control back and count it when they do so with someone they want to do, consensually. 

Check the box:

1.My hair color is: [x] Brown [] Black [] Blonde [x]Red [] Funky colors [] Auburn [] more than one color <<< It’s a mix of my natural color and red because I haven’t dyed it since February.

2.Eye color: []Blue []Grey [x]Brown []Light brown []dark brown []green []amber [] I have two different colors of eyes

3.I am a : []Male [x] Female []Trans Male [] Trans Female []Gender Fluid [] I dont have a gender []Non Binary [] other

4: I am: []Fit [] Average [x]Skinny []Fat

5: I love my : [x]Hair []Eyes []Smile []Teeth []Skin []everything about myself []None of these.  <<< Italicized because I only like my hair when it’s been dyed and my roots aren’t showing haha... unlike now.

6: I hate my: [x]Hair []eyes [xx]smile [x]teeth [x]skin [x] everything about myself [] I dont hate anything about myself

7: My feet are: [x]Small []Wide []Narrow []long []large [x]Ugly []Pretty

8: I have a hard time: []Finding something to wear [x]Making Friends [x] making food [x]staying focused

9: I am: []Employed [x]Not employed []retired []I can’t work []Self employed []Looking for a job

10: I love: []the moon []the sun [x]the stars []our galaxy []planets

Bold what is true:

I am Funny

I am a girl

I have no hair

I have curly hair

^ I hate it

I have straight hair

I have a dog

I have a cat

I have both

I love to get drunk

I don’t drink

I love to smoke weed but i hate smoking cigarettes

I love both

I rather have one best friend than 20 friends who i am not close with

My dad died

My mom died

My parents are both dead

My parents are alive

I like to touch my bruises

I have funny teeth

I love Mcdonalds fries

Sometimes when Im alone I sing as loud as I can

even if i cant sing

I believe in God

I believe in the butterfly affect

I hate video games

I wish I was taller

I can’t understand math

I am very good at writing an essay

I never had sex before

I love Mac N Cheese

I love Disney Movies

I prefer Dreamswork over Walt Disney

I am going to College

I finished college

I wish I went to college

I hate my job

I am the boss at my job

I have a feelings for a friend but i cant tell them because it would ruin our friendship

^ I have feelings and i told them

I wish soda was healthy

I sleep with the window opened

This survey was too long

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Hela     AGE: 21       CONTACT: IM

CHARACTER(S): Giselle Gewelle, Yumichika Ayasegawa (inactive)

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  I have gory Bloodborne au but that one just exists in my head on my lonesome.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English and one very specific Middle Eastern dialect.

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / Science fiction / Horror / WESTERN / ROMANCE / Thriller / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / Erotic / Crime / MYTHOLOGY / Classic / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / Ancient / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / Sport / MUSIC / Science / FIGHTS / ANGST / Smut / DRAMA / etc. 

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. (i love it all sorry I am quite the mixed bag lmao)

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO. i gotta know what certain human body parts taste like u know

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. it’s SO BAD FOR ME RN ASGLDKJDJKA i’m very inconsistent i’m so sorry.

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / a lot of it has more to do w my general writing mood and if the thread im writing catches my interest, and rn im writing a TON of really wonderful and fascinating threads so they’re all super captivating for me and i try to reply asap

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. (i have a lot of stupid shit sorry) 

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: just send me a tumblr instant message, i know it sucks shit but im not comfy releasing my discord w everyone just yet cause i use it for personal use as well. i check tumblr on the daily so if you send me a message chances are i’ll see it and respond!

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER:  i guess just be able to put up with my rambling and stopping and starting, a lot of characterisation choices i do go through various stages and its pretty messy so when i communicate that with others it usually ends up equally messy. just be patient with me please.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?:  i don’t mind! sometimes ppl have more ideas that they want to share first and i’m always super happy to listen to those ideas !! sometimes its nice to have someone with a clear guide or structure and be able to work around that rather than trying to fumble through a plot together.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  i try to map out some basic info abt their characters that i otherwise don’t know from their bio or verses and try to pick out points of confrontation or similarities to expand on with giselle that can be used as points for like a starter to happen. its either that or sometimes i have really stupid ideas i just toss out there like ‘LMAO THEYRE BREAKING SHIT AT DISNEYLAND’ and go buck wild from there if the other person is down. i also always try to warn people or get a gauge for what subjects to avoid and steer clear of considering that giselle is a bit of a Freak(tm) and will say and do bad things.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if there’s something giselle did or said that upset you, i would love to know not to repeat it again (since i do still feel pretty new to the rp game, theres still plenty of time for me to make stupid mistakes). if its just a general lack of interest or uncertainty of where the plot should go, then you dont have to tell me i wont take it personally i promise ! 

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: sometimes i can be made uncomfortable by certain things mentioned... it happens but its rare 

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. i don’t want to upset anyone personally and sometimes explaining the ins and outs of my discomfort make things ten times worse so i just. would rather not.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: i am the most nervous person you can meet and my brain is always giving me misinfo abt paranoia and random shit so i having clear concrete communication between two parties abt if something is going wrong or is being received poorly means the world to me.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGA1TIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: i need it !! i still feel relatively new to all this and i need to know whats going wrong to improve !! 

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: to help with my confidence in writing! i have v bad anxiety when it comes to sharing my works and i write a lot of other pieces alongside this blog on ao3 and i want to develop my writing skills just in general. when it comes to like the nuts and bolts of why i rp giselle specifically, its mainly to just have fun and have a laugh w my friends who are really awesome quincy writers

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  OH SO MANY! ive managed to fulfil a lot of my wishlist threads with like, giselle talking to characters she’s already zombified and i love all that angst but i want to do more stupid shit. i want to make it my personal goal to bully every quincy man and woman on sight. although a REAL dream would be if i got to write a thread zombifying a character who managed to escape giselle’s clutches. and more fighting! i want to get better at describing action and fights and i love to write giselle getting beat up and beating people up! more more more!! 

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE:   hohoho theres a LOT... uh r*pe/dubcon threads for one, even if yeah i know writing it doesnt condone it, it makes me intensely uncomfortable to put my muse in that scenario, i feel like i have an obligation to like, protect her from that shit you know? racism is one i don’t want to transgress, even though i’m a poc, its not really cathartic or groundbreaking to write abt racism in threads its just... really fucking upsetting. also i know the quincy’s have this very close parallel to the whole n*zi imagery and ideology thing going on and i am not about to start even daring to thread that into my writing or bring those allusions and references of real life tragedies into giselle’s threads. i’ve already talked at length abt exploring giselles trans identity in rp and why im not comfortable doing so, so.... yeah! all those i guess.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: i like starters where giselle can just immediately get right into being a piece of shit. mise en scene and all that! cut out the build up and just get to the intense horror !! i don’t like starters where its not immediately clear where the characters are standing and what they’re doing and what’s happening around them. those really disorientate me and leave me kinda floundering because i always need some allusion or mention of a setting to ground giselle in a time and place other wise i cant tell what her response should be

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN. also just characters i can wholeheartedly clown on, or also characters who have hidden depths to them and have a single panel of screentime. honestly it’s just all over the place!

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?:  angry old men GSADJDKSJA i could never rp yhwach for example or yamamoto because idk. theyre just so crummy and boring to me. i also couldnt rp characters who always have an upper hand in battle like aizen. i like my dumbasses and i like them stupid and adaptive not just, ‘yes i know this because i Know this.’

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: i think im nice...? FKSJDKDJSA idk i hate trying to toot my own horn. sometimes i also think i make funny jokes and im pretty chill and laid back

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: my writing style is inconsistent and adapts to whatever i’m reading so sometimes it’ll be really good and i love it and other times it reads like really bad fanfic and i get carried away far too easily and write novella lengths for threads which should be much shorter. i also get shy a lot and dont think i communicate very effectively but HEYO we’re working on it!

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS. haven’t had anybody brave enough to try yet lol

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: more for fun i’d imagine because that’s just giselles own attitude to sex and relationships where she doesnt want anything deep. it might show character development in one way of just showing how she regards others in a romantic sense to be used rather than actually appreciated as their own person and show how selfish she is but yeah, more out of fun

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?:  theres a few kinks and such but i dont think they’d ever really come up. again, just mainly no r*pe/dubcon.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO lets hope this doesn’t make me sound like an asshole, but its more like a fun little side thing than anything important to giselle’s actual development and characterisation. 

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. again, hardly anyone is brave enough to try to romance this evil cannibal.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: more how giselle likes to give over her power or dominate in different circumstances depending on who she’s with and what’s being done. BUT AGAIN, not a whole lot to explore yet.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - i mean im down for p much anything if it vibes w giselle.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: if you want an evil woman to taunt and mock and hurt your muse, she’s your gal. you want her to zombify and ruin your muse, shes also your gal. you want her to insult and maim and injure, she’s also YOUR GAL. basically, if you want to do anything fucked up or sad or scary, she can help with that.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  uh muses who get really angry quickly or don’t rise or respond to her jabs and are just kinda like a flatline. theres only so much pestering and annoying she can do until realises its not working and just wanders off

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  to find a goal worth living for.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  appearance she always takes an interest in girls almost right away. age as well because she judges old people. 

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  a good set of guts to ruin and strong muscles.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  women, gore, murder, herself, music, stupid memes, gossip.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?:  politics, history, quincy ideology, soul reaper ideology, hollow physiology.

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  her family tried to force the burden of upholding the quincy lineage onto her shoulders, she was thrown into the wrong prison and held in isolation, then pressured to become an undying monster in service of a god and then was nearly killed by that same man and left wandering without guidance or purpose. so, yeah?

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  transphobia. even a whiff of it in her direction and she’ll gut you like a fish.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  the twink soul reaper who outted her.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  if you’re smart, you’ll bring a big bone for her to chew on and distract her while you ask whatever you want.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: i love my evil queen!

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @bazzardburner​ cheers chicken boy !!

Tagging: @hyouketsu​ @blooming5th​ @viciousvizard​ @glacies-tempestatem​ and whoever else wishes to do this!!

Kamusoyo genderbent (kameyo x shouyo) nsfw

It was right after the bell rang that i received a message from kouga (kagura fyi) 'hey sorry i couldn't come to school im kind of sick' I sigh and type ' dont sweat it kouga kun if you want i could get you some medicine since kameyo is probably busy "being a delinquent" ' i pressed sent and picked up my back thats when i got another message saying 'thanks shoyo i really appreciate it, im currently dying here and souko is a sadistic bitch who wouldn't even bother with me.. ' i chuckle at the message those two are cute in their own way I continue my way down the hall to the stairways as fast as I can without running (if thats even possible) so i wouldn't get in trouble. I got to my shoe locker and put my shoes on as fast as possible thats when i felt a pair of arms sneaking around my neck. I turn around to see none other than kameyo. "K- kameyo !, You scared me" shoyo said with a light blush on his cheeks. "Well its your fault for being so open" she whispered teasingly in his ears making him shiver, "t-thats not true i was just about to leave if it weren't for you" he explained "Now if you excuse me" shoyo said while brushing off kameyo's hands from his neck "im in a rush to get medicine for a friend" . " Hmm a friend ? And in any chance is that friend of yours related to me perhaps my dear younger brother ?" she asked knowing damn well what the answer is "Yes your dear younger brother who you left at home without any care" he answered slightly annoyed, "heeh~and isn't my brother lucky to have a friend like you looking out for him" she said while walking towards shouyo and putting her arm around his neck, yet again. Shoyo blushed at her actions and said "i-i- i guess s-so b-but i uh i have to go now" he said blushing furiously as he was stuttering. Kameyo found this amusing so she wanted to take this teasing to a whole another level. She started to close the gap between her and shoyo, her face now so close to his, just an inch more and she would be able to kiss him. And kiss him she did, kameyo smashed her lips with shoyo's making sure he wouldn't be able to escape this,she deepened the kiss even more by entering her tongue in his mouth wrestling him for dominance, shoyo wasn't the dominant type so he lost the battle, she let her hands travel his body from his neck to his chest all the way to his croch area. Shoyo couldn't help but get excited at her actions, but he wasn't going down, he placed his hand on her ass groping it making kameyo let a soft moan that made him even more excited than he was,he was about to pick her up from the ground if it wasn't for a certain sadistic girl. "Ahem" the blonde girl cleared her throat, "you know i would give you detention for doing these things in school grounds, but im way too lazy to do that" she said nonchalantly "Oh its souko-chan~ !" Kameyo said cheeringly, " Don't 'oh its souko-chan~★' me kameyo" she said while glaring at the Vermillion haired girl "Your brother texted me saying that hes basically dying and that hes waiting for a certain someone to bring medicine" she explained as she turned her gaze at shoyo "Oh right i completely forgot!" shouyo said while panicking how could he do this to his best friend he basically betrayed his trust by making out with his sister and leaving him to die. "Dont sweat it shoyo-san knowing him hes just being overdramatic" she said reassuring him that it was okay "Yeah its okay shoyo-kun ~ its not like hes going to actually die so lets continue where we started ★" kameyo said not caring about her sick brother. "Uh no can do kameyo thats rude I don't want to break kouga's trust, besides didn't we do it yesterday ?" He questioned the Vermillion haired girl Kameyo sighed a sigh of disappointment and said "whatever lets get going",kameyo said while walking towards the door ★★★ "Ugh" kouga groaned while looking for a comfortable position to sleep in "i hate being sick" he muttered under his breath,as soon as he said that the door bell rang "comiingg" he said as he dragged himself to open the door. Even though he said that he was coming the ringing door bell never stopped eventually he got tired of it and yelled "i said im fucking coming goddamn it !!!" He opened the door furiously to reveal the one who was ringing the bell,it was none other than his best friend shoyo,kameyo and souko. Kouga grew pale when he met the sadistic girl he calls 'his girlfriend', "yo kouga feeling any better ?" She asked "no,and why are you here ?.." he answered almost immediately. "pff silly to nurse you of course". He turned his gaze to the brunette to say "Sh- shouyo aren't you the one who's supposed to be nursing me" the poor pale boy asked worriedly. "I would but okita-san insisted that she would nurse you,and besides i would need to..you know,wash your body and stuff so it kind of embarrassing" shouyo explained. "I ,see" kouga sighed with defeat "well come on in" he opened the door to his apartment,it wasn't a small apartment but it wasn't big either its was the type of apartment that any newlywed would dream of a big kitchen,2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms and a big living room. Kouga was about to go back to his room but his vision became blurry and he lost his balance, luckily shouyo was there to prevent him from falling."woah woah,are you okay kouga ?" He asked worriedly. "Im fine,I think i just need to rest a little" he reassured the brunette. "Ya think ? Kouga a fever is not something to think lightly of, especially if it makes you dizzy" souko said in a serious tone. "Anyway im gonna make you some rice porridge so just sit back and relax" she said as she Made her way to the big kitchen." You better not put anything weird in there" he said jokingly "Well im going to my room call me if you need anything,lets go shoyo" she pointed at the brunette to follow her."wait what why ?" He was confused on how he wasn't going to be helping his friend. She sighed and made her way to him wrapping her arm around his,"shh no questions just play along okay ?" She smiles her typical smile that you would see her wear every time He sighed "okay" he said while being dragged by the arm like a kid dragging his dad to buy him candy. ••• Meanwhile in kameyo's room things were getting heated, "mn" kameyo moaned as she kissed shoyo on the mouth deepening the kiss she wrapped her arms around his neck and sat on his lap, he took this opportunity to wrap his arms around kameyos waist soon she separated the kiss and looked at him, his face was flushed and sweat formed on his face and the look on his eyes was full of lust and hunger for her, eventually he flipped kameyo and hovered over her, the two of them stared at each other as if on que both of them smashed their lips together. Shoyo licked kameyo's lips, asking for permission to put his tongue inside kameyo opened her mouth and shoyo wasted no time and entered his tongue inside her mouth deepening the kiss, the kiss was lustful filled with hunger and this time shouyo wasn't losing any battle as he was more dominant than ever, he sneaked his hands under kameyo's shirt from her abdomen all the way to her breasts he groped one of them earning him a sweat moan from kameyo "mn" she whimpered the brunette was getting excited.. way too excited he took off her shirt revealing her navy blue bra, her breasts were big (at least an e cup) he unstrapped her bra and let her breasts loose, shouyo was used to seeing her breasts since this wasn't the first time they ever done this, hell they've done this way too many times, why ?,Maybe its because they're crazy for each other. he licked and nibbled on her nipple while caressing the other, as for kameyo she was a moaning mess "ahnn" she moaned,though.kameyo was not having any of this so she grabbed shoyo by his collar and flipped their positions kameyo now on top and shouyo at the bottom, "you seem to be having way too much fun" she said seductively, while she grinded on his member "guh !" he groaned as he bit his lip.she grabbed his belt and unbuckled it, shoyo knew where this was going so he let her be, she was about to pull down his pants but the door knocked. Kameyo let out an annoyed sigh and got off of shouyo. "Oi kameyo can i eat the pudding in the fridge" Souko said behind the door, kameyo put on her shirt and made her way to the door to open it, "suit yourself souko and Don't bother me ever again im kind of busy" kameyo said annoyed that the blond girl interrupted her "time" with her lover. "Uwa" souko said disgusted realizing what she had interrupted,i mean.kameyo's face was flushed and she was sweating her hair was a little bit messy and she was only wearing her shirt.souko peeked behind her to see shoyo in the same state as his belt was unbuckled,face flushed,etc and also she realized he had a boner... "Well Sorry for intruding then" Souko said turning her back on the Vermillion haired girl "i'll be on my way" she said as she walked away.kameyo sighed and closed the door again making sure to lock it and made her way to shoyo. "Weell~ lets continue shall we"kameyo said seductively while licking her lips, earning her a nod from shoyo. ★★★ "Well well well this puddings not bad,not bad at all." Souko said satisfied she went to check on the porridge to see if its finished or not."hmm still just a little bit longer" she said as she put another spoonful of pudding in her mouth. "Nnggh" she heard a loud grunt coming from the living room 'kouga' is what popped up in her head."kouga you dying over there?" She asked sarcastically. "S- ....sou...souko..." He mumbled between his heavy pants."I feel hot like my bodies on fire." He said with a weak voice "yeah well no shit,you have a 39 degree fever" "Heh no wonder i felt like I was dying" he Chuckled nervously."wait here im gonna bring you cold water and a towel",the sick boy nodded his head "ok.." he said softly. ★★★ "Hah" kameyo moaned loudly as shouyo slammed hardly into her she looked at him in the eyes and saw how lustful and hungry he was for this,its like every time they had sex he would turn into a different man he turned her around on her stomach and bit her shoulder "ah" before she could say anything shouyo slammed into her so hard her mind went blank she was filled with pleasure and she couldn't do anything to stop him she knew she was at his mercy. "ahhn" kameyo moaned again as shoyo kept on thrusting in her. She knew she would come anytime soon and so was he, he bit harder signaling he was going to come,he thrusted hard into her showing her how thirsty and hungry he was for her "aah" kameyo moaned loudly as she was close to coming,he slammed one more time inside of her and came "mnhh" he moaned loudly,he got off her and rested beside her trying to catch his breath. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled into a hug "kameyo" he called "hm.. ?" She answered him softly "i love you" he said while smiling the Vermillion haired girl blushes at the boys statement but hugged him and buried her face in his chest "me,too". ★★★ bonus: "Kouga this should make you better say aah" souko said trying to feed her lover some porridge she made.."aah" he reluctantly opened his mouth and ate the porridge."how is it" souko asked. "it tastes horrible are you trying to kill me ?" He said teasingly. Souko deadpanned at him and said "oh god are your taste buds also? dying this is serious". " Shut up" kouga said " im going to sleep" he added."Whatever if you die while sleeping Don't blame me" she said not caring about the virmillion haired boy. As she was about to got to the kitchen to clean the dishes kouga grabbed her by her arm she was confused so she asked "what now ?" He looked at her and said "aren't going to give me a goodnight kiss" he looked at her with a pout, souko put down the dishes on the table and immediately kissed him on the lips.she didn't care about getting sick, kissing kouga was worth it.she separated from him and looked at him with a smirk "goodnight little rabbit" The end hope you liked that this is my first time writing so leave a like and a review. Thanks 👏

everything im gonna write is gonna be concerning but it be like that and its really not concerning

for like months now i haven’t been ok. And like it’s gotten worse with the holidays and ive been so fucking angry and tired lol. like at first i was like its fine its ok, then i was like its the hormones it happens, then its the stress of finals and work but like its really not like i legit just dont want to be alive anymore im really tired of it. Like idk how to convey just how much i dont care anymore to be alive

1) I feel so fucking isolated here like i have friends but a majority of them are cis. And like the trans people i know? most of them on T are non binary which like valid, but they dont get the full extent. And like their families support them lmao and theres one person i could talk to but he doesnt seem to want to socialize much so i always feel awful thinking about hitting him up

and like i feel like my friends dont like me and i know thats not the case but also maybe it is!!! who fucking knows anymore!!!! i dont have time to talk to them bc im so busy at work and then i get home and immediately have to do more work and by the time im free this week theyll be home for break so like!!! fuck i guess!!! i saw one of my friends who i havent been able to see all semester and she said shed hit me up today and she hasnt and i know its cause she and another friend have to study and theyve been busy but in my mind its still “she fucking hates u!!! doesnt matter that she was so excited to see u and would definitely have no qualms in telling u to fuck off she hates u!!!”

2) no one listens to me lol like people listen to me when i rant, which is really helpful and i really appreciate and love that they do that bc emotional labor, but like in groups? i talk and people interrupt or dont hear what i say or disregard it and im like k. OR THEY THINK IM FUCKING JOKING LIKE THIS LEGIT IS SUCH A PROBLEM AND IVE HAD IT HAPPEN WITH SEVERAL PPL AND IDK WHAT TO DO. Like i physically say “im really not joking dont do that” AND THEY STILL THINK IM JOKING

and whenever i talk to people and they give me advice or just listen they do at least one thing. They either mention medicine, which again, valid, but i dont want to go back on medicine right now. But then they fucking push that shit and demand reasons why i dont want to like fuck u i dont have to explain shit to u i just dont want to. And/or it turns into me educating them and im just like great! i managed to do labor in this trying time! nice!

3) I cant talk to my therapist bc shell become concerned lol. i told her how i went to the labor looking for a book about the pros and cons of committing suicide and researched it and i had to talk for 10 minutes afterwards about the steps i was taking to help combat it but like i was legit scared to tell her in case she made me go into inpatient care lmao and this brings me to pt 4

4) theres like nothing here LMAOOOOOOO like no books at either library about stopping suicidal thoughts or helping depression or about family estrangement. I had to order books from different libraries to get something and theres a few that i got from the Libby app but like wtf lmao and theres no events during christmas and every volunteer thing? either i gotta fill out an application and do training which who knows how long thatll take or i need a car. Like there legit isnt anything here i did so much looking lmao like i have my hobbies but that wont make me leave the house

i talked to a professor about this shit too and he understands and stuff and told me to hit him up during break if i feel isolated but like I FEEL SO FUCKING GUILTY FOR EVEN BREATHING LMAO LIKE WHAT hes got shit to do too and i know he has research going on so like doubt it

5) im gonna die alone at this pt and i know thats mad dramatic and also probably false but im like so conflicted about everything i feel with my gender and dating

like every time i like a man im like wow if i was a girl, this wouldnt be a problem and like being cis has more privileges than being trans but i know last time i dated in the closet it wasnt a good time SO

and every time i like a girl, im like she prob wont see me as a man or will be disappointed in my body or transition

and like no matter who im interested in, the same thought is always “they prob dont see me as a man and will misgender me, even unintentionally” like i know people who dont even know my birth name and have known my pronouns as he/him AND THEY STILL GET IT WRONG LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EVEN DO ANYMORE TATTOO IT ON MY FUCKING FOREHEAD 

theres a guy i currently like, whos so sweet like theres one incident that happened that i had me thinking damn.... hope hes into guys and single..... and like its kept me up thinking “oh man hes definitely str8 this fucking sucks if i was a girl i would probably have a shot” but like every time i toy with the idea of detransitioning (not in a serious way, but just like casually thinking of a scenario) my mind physically rejects it and is like “motherfucking do u wanna go back to THOSE shitty feelings??? really??? it was worse before!!” and i will definitely get over this crush, like im just lonely and its cuffing season, but it fucking sucks in the meantime like i feel like i cant date because im too nervous and scared to!!! im so scared they wont think im a man and i know thats not every person but like Jesus its enough that its a good possibility

6) this part is sad but i think i have to stop talking to my sister or at least give her limited info bc shes having her parents contact me through her and im not giving them shit so...

like she just texted asking when id be home and for the millionth time (BC NO ONE LISTENS TO ME) i said i wasnt going home, im never going home, stop asking and i know that its them asking her to ask me and they can honestly fuck themselves

like these are all problems that have solutions and i know the solutions but like im so tired of it lol im tired of having to deal with my family situation, im tired of being ignored and interrupted and not taken serious and having to explain my boundaries over and over and over again, im tired of not being able to talk to people for fear of getting hospitalized or interrupted or pushed onto meds, im tired of not having resources, im so tired of it all. Im so sick of being suicidal and not even being able to get out of bed and having to deal with being depressed and anxious and chronically ill fuck all of it

legitimately had to make a list of shit i could do over break so that i feel like i cant hurt myself until i finish it bc thats how my shit brain works. like i dont want to die but i also just dont want to deal with this anymore and i know itll get better in time but jesus fucking christ its been 8 damn years when does it actually get fully fucking good? its gotten better but more shit keeps coming up like yea i started hormones but now i dont have a fucking family anymore. 

Even if i didnt have this list i wouldnt do it bc 1) i dont want to do that to my closest friend and 2) im helping someone get out of an abusive situation. She has like no support, just one cousin whos there for her, but he doesnt have resources for her. Ive been listening to her and validating her and making sure she knows that a) this is the type of shit abusers do and b) shes not fucking crazy for thinking certain things!!! she really isnt and i get it so much so ive been gently giving her contacts from the beginning to help her and she finally left and is in a really delicate place. So like not exactly the best thing for me to suddenly be gone and id feel terrible if she had no one there for her

anyway this was a long post that can basically be summed up as i really want to fucking kill myself but i wont but also im suffering a lot

What comes easy won’t last long, and what lasts long won’t come easy

Here we are again. The flavor of the day is bland with a twist of desperation. 

I am not perfect by any means. I make mistakes and like to think I’ve been capable of owning them. I’ve always thought of myself to be fairly level headed, someone who can look at the bigger picture from everyone’s position. I have been overly accommodating to the people who surround me, I try way harder for them then I do for myself. I am guilty of being ‘a people pleaser’. I don’t know when that started really, but in my 30′s it became severely obvious, and I kinda hate myself for that. 

I am walking into my 8th year of my relationship with my boyfriend... B-O-Y-F-R-I-E-N-D. Not Fiance, not husband... shit, hardly a partner. He is a BOY, and I am stuck here. Not against my will obviously, I can kick him out whenever I please, however, my life with him is a complicated one that effects too many people (there I am, people pleasing again. Buckle up folks, this happens often). 

I am 7 years older then my boyfriend, let’s call him Blu (that was my dog’s name). I met Blu by accident actually. In May of 2013 my then husband and I decided we just could not work it out anymore and we split ways. We were cordial, able to remain friendly for the sake of our kids. We accepted that although we failed MARRIAGE, we will not fail Co-Parenting. He left our family home in May and by September I met Blu. There’s some chaos there but I’ll tell that tale on another occasion. Remember when I said I met Blu by accident? I was serious. I had a friend named Emma who loved drama! She came to my house and told me about a site that she found out her boyfriend was on and she wanted to see if he would flirt with me (or another fake identity she made up to be honest, she just used my information to create an account), I call that playing with fire, but you know how that can go. Anyway, she did what she needed to and got the information that she wanted. I was uninterested in those apps so I never bothered to look into it. A couple of days later someone named Blu would send me multiple messages trying to get me to talk. I decided to respond, I explained that my name wasn’t what was listed and explained the whole situation to him, he just laughed it off. I didn’t know then that he was so familiar with drama like my darling friends little stunt. Anyway, we got to talking and it was very soon when he asked if I was interested in meeting up. After all the crime shows and books I’m into it was a hard HELL NO for me. I asked him to give me a little time, I also explained my position. 

He told me a lot about himself, single dad, shares custody of two very young children with his ex. He lived with his parents about 2 miles from where I was. He didn’t seem cocky or arrogant, or maybe I just didn’t see it. We exited the chats and moved on to phone texts. He would message me every morning, afternoon and night. He knew about the age difference and didn’t care. Meanwhile I felt incredibly insecure about it. After about 7 weeks I finally caved and said I would meet him somewhere public, he said his family was having a BBQ at his house for me to just come by. I thought that out and figured: who would kill or rape me with all their family there?! So I went, but I never went inside his home. I stayed by my car, we talked for hours. I remember in the end I was fitting on the trunk of my car and him on the edge of the sidewalk... maybe 1:30 am when I finally decided to head home. He didn’t try any funny business, and was completely respectful. Before I left he asked if he can take me out to eat somewhere, like an official date, I still felt a little odd but I agreed. At that dinner I told him everything, about my pending divorce, how my custody is currently working, etc. 

Me and him were from different worlds entirely. There were a few occasions that really pointed the differences out. For example, he listens to REAL MEXICAN MUSIC (google CALIBRE 50) where as my Mexican music consisted of Reggeton, Salsa, Bachata. He was 100% grounded in his Mexican roots, where my mixed breed havin’ ass was raised in an American household, where dinners were served at a certain time, we ate together as a family, we attended church on Sundays, we were close. The structure of my life was typical American Family with the added components of my nationalities; Mexican and Puerto Rican. We didn’t curse around our elders, I didn’t know of drugs, or habits. That was the first shot, the second time I noticed the difference was in October when we made arrangements to carve pumpkins with his kids and mine. On that particular day his mom and sisters were home, so of course I invited them to participate. They looked at the pumpkins as though they just landed from outter space! The third time was just a couple of months after, December. While my house was decked out with Christmas trees, stockings, and nicely wrapped presents... his house had no tree, no gifts, nothing. 

We have gone through a lot over the years, mostly good things (or so I thought). Have you ever laid next to someone you felt the closest to and think Gosh, I don’t even know him? Eight years later and I still think that. I use to cry myself to sleep. I still feel so incredibly alone, and more so... misunderstood. The SANE me wants to think I have a right to think this way, but he comes in and convinces me that I am the problem. Meet Blu, head of the narcissists.

He is consumed with his cars, weed and sex. He has a problem with being faithful. And I have a problem with trusting him, and every time I feel I can let my guard down, he always comes in to remind me that I can’t. Things are about to get personal, I hope you don’t mind. 

The first time I found out about his ‘extra activities’ we were already living together, this was maybe a little over a year after we became official with each other. He left his phone in the living room and it was getting a ton of texts, to my luck he is also a very heavy sleeper. I opened the messages and read them (OMG WHY WOULD YOU GO THROUGH HIS MESSAGES?! FK OFF KAREN, THIS IS MY REALITY, NOT YOURS!). It was a girl asking if he was gonna go by. I messaged her back as though I was him and she went along. I ended up waking him up, my eyes red and burning from all the crying. I asked him about it and all he was able to say is WHY ARE YOU GOING THROUGH MY PHONE, turned it off and went to bed. I remember feeling low, but that didn’t stop me dumb ass from going to lay next to him and crying until I fell asleep. He ended up changing his number after a few days and said he was ‘sorry’. Those types of situations happened maybe twice a year. 

In 2016 I helped him open his own business, he had no money so I put up most of it (yes, stupid, I hear ya!) with the condition that he would not be listed on any documents as an owner. He argued with me about me not making him feel like a man (people pleasing in 3, 2, 1...) So I added him to the paperwork. I felt bad for him, I never wanted him to feel like that despite what he made me feel like. On one occasion he was working late, me being scar’d for life, I called him about 12:20 am and asked if I could take him anything or if he needs something because he had been working since 2 pm. He told me he was fine, but I said OK LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED ANYTHING. I went anyway to ‘take him food’, when I was driving up a black Honda was driving off, and there was Blu looking like he saw a ghost. I asked who that was an immediately he yelled and asked why I was there. I said that I brought him something to eat to which he said MY FRIEND JUST BROUGHT ME SOMETHING... my friend... hmmm... At about 4 a.m. I messaged and asked if he was ok and he said IM NOT COMING HOME, IM DONE! My pride didn’t allow this to just happen, I responded with OK. I locked his ATM card, Gas Card, and any credit lines. He came home (I thought he would) hootin and hollerin! I quietly took my explosion waiting for him to finish. At that point I said to just leave the work truck keys and to be on his way. He refused. 

In 2018 he started recording his phone calls for work purposes (you wouldn’t believe how many people try and cheat ya to save a buck!). I had access to the recordings but never listened to them because they were of a bunch of truckers asking for stuff. One day though, I was triggered. He said he was going to go down the street to help my sister and brother in law move something. I thought it was strange because my sister told me everything! So when he left I asked her about it, she said ‘yea it was weird he offered to come help’ I then asked her to call me once he left. About 10 minutes later I got the text “HEY SORRY HE LEFT LIKE 5 MINUTES AGO BACK HOME” We lived literally five minutes away, so I waited. After about 30 minutes I decided to listen to the recordings. He called a girl asking her to meet him in the Bank Of America Parking lot about 5 minutes the opposite way, he told her he was able to leave his kids with his dad for a little while so he can go see her. My heart SANK. I felt it at the pit of my stomach. This entire douche bag drove MY CAR to see some hoe??? FOR REAL! So I texted him and said where are you? He messaged about 10 minutes later and said IM ON MY WAY HOME I JUST FINISHED AT YOUR SISTERS. I didn’t respond. When he came it we went at it. Let me clear the air: I AM NOT AN ARGUER. I don’t find it useful to scream and yell, but my emotions were shot, I was on a different level now. I dropped the bomb! I guess he didn’t see it coming because he was unable to keep up with the shit storm I was dishing out. In the middle of it, that broad had the nerve to call him. I told him to answer it and he said no. When I got ahold of his phone he had the NUTS to tell me NOT TO FK IT UP FOR HIM. Shattered. I was non-existent. 

to be continued

He’ll be wrong, for you.

A BTS/Kim Taehyung Fanfiction Summary : What happens when you take on Kim Taehyung… Type: Mafia!AU (BTS)

********************Prologue********************* Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 3

‘Mr Kim? I -I wasn’t expecting you this evening.’

It was the stutter, that short trip on his words, that first clued you into just how much power the man stood at your side held. From there, your mind took too many turns in thinking what came from that...

‘Ahh...well, no, im afraid this visit is a little unexpected, Lee Hyuk. ...However, ...its nonetheless necessary.’

Taehyung’s smooth caramel voice curls its way into your ears, its spine-tingling hint of an undisclosed threat working its way through your body, and you struggle desperately to hold onto the unbiased facade currently cloaking your features as you fix your eyes on Lee Hyuk’s reaction.

‘Necessary? ...For what?’

The Honorifics were slipping. You’d never seen Lee Hyuk this nervous in all the time you’d known him...

Who was Kim Taehyung to him?

‘To make things right with your friend Kyuho, dear Lee Hyuk.’ Taehyung explains, jaw becoming taut as he raises his chin to the air authoritatively, eyes narrowing as he watches the man from across the room, before suddenly taking a step forward, pushing you threateningly closer towards the other man, who at the singular movement appeared to become even more tense.

‘I-I dont know what you-’

‘Dont lie to me, Lee Hyuk. ...You know i hate being lied to.’ Taehyung growls, continuing forward until he stood before the group of men, all of whom stood at his approach and appeared to show the slightest bit of apprehension toward the new person in response to Lee Hyuk’s reaction to him. You remained a few steps away, appearing to allow Taehyung to take the lead, whilst actually secretly wanting to watch how he was going to handle the situation.

‘If...if y/n’s presence is anything to go by, i’d assume you’re referring to the wager i made with Kyuho. ...However, i won that fair and square, so if he thinks-’

‘If he won it fair and square, you wouldn’t have mentioned it, ...would you?’ 

Dumbfounded by the depth of his voice, you become transfixed by the tilt of Taehyung’s head; chin angled at the floor as he peers up at the man opposite him from below his brows, lip curling in such a subtly aggressive way, that at first you dont catch it. Its only Lee Hyuk’s obnoxiously loud, nervous swallow that clues you in to the silent threat.

‘I dont believe what happens between myself and Kyuho is of your concern Mr Kim. So-’

‘Leave. Now.’

His voice is commanding, authoritative, and you’re almost certain the word rolls from his tongue on a growl. The widening of your eyes is unavoidable with the way the men that had been surrounding Lee Hyuk suddenly all move as one toward the door, only a few bowing formally toward the man that had called the meeting in the first place, before eagerly clambering for escape.

The following 5 minutes stick in your mind like gum to the underside of a table.

‘Come on, now, Taehyung-’

‘I think you’ve forgotten who you’re speaking too, Lee Hyuk. Now, get on your damn knees and remember your manners.’ 

The command astounds you, keeping your feet glued in place as Taehyung takes a threatening step toward the other man who grins sheepishly and raises his hands innocently, ...but that wasn’t were things stopped.

‘Mr Kim, I-’

‘KNEES.’

He drops to the floor like a sack of shit; instantly, grossly, his expression dropping from humored innocence to mild panic, and his gaze momentarily leaving Taehyung to glance at you, in your mind the look being a calculation as to why you were with this man, but by the time you’d caught onto the sneer he’d flashed you, a split had already appeared at the corner of his lip, and the sound of skin hitting skin had rang around the room, along with the distinct huff of breath pushed aggressively from Taehyung’s chest.

‘I’m the one addressing you. You know the rules. I’ll give you 10 minutes to source the money and return it, or there will be...consequences.’

Fuck...how did he make that one word sound so utterly Terrifying.

‘I won that money! Its mine-’

‘I SAID GET THE MONEY, JUNG!’ 

Your facade was crumbling with the tension that was ramping itself up in the room, the nervous cracking of your knuckles at your sides bringing your attention to your nerves and instantly forcing you to stop and to reform your stoic expression, heart racing over the fact that Taehyung hadn’t looked at you once for the past 5 minutes.

Watching Lee Hyuk restrain his anger in front of Taehyung as he pulled himself to his feet to call over one of his men, whom didn’t dare to look at the taller man in his terror, had your insides squirming in joint fear and amazement at the show of power; the rigid set of Taehyung’s shoulders and his daring expression which screamed ‘try me’, causing your belly to burn in what seemed strangely like want…

‘Time’s ticking, Jung.’ Taehyung mutters as he watches the interaction between the other two men, not moving from his spot until Lee Hyuk had asked permission to retrieve the money from the safe, at which point he turns to you with only two words to bestow.

‘Stay here.’

Barely giving you time to scoff at the ridiculousness of the command, he’s promptly striding away with Lee Hyuk scurrying to lead the way, leaving you staring after the pair, alone with only the company of the beady eyes of Lee Hyuk’s bodyguards remaining on you.

‘He can’t just make me-’

Before you can finish your sentence, the loud, incessant ringing of your phone is bellowing into the room and you’re hurrying to pull it from your pocket, gritting your teeth when you see that it was Kyuho, presumably calling to see why you hadn’t returned with a finished job that evening, and as a consequence causing you to pause momentarily to think up a suitable lie to tell him, before answering the phone.

‘Y/N, where are you?’ 

Damn, he sounded concerned. ...or as concerned as Kyuho could get.

‘Sorry, took a detour on the way back. Apparently they aren’t allowed to carry 25 million on them as a usual float amount.’ you comment sarcastically, eyeing the few men around the room, and instinctively assessing the weaknesses that were revealed by their stances as was one of the habits you’d grown through the job.

‘No need for the sarcasm, y/n. But hurry it up, i want you back within the next half an hour...we need to talk about something.’

His tone was ominous, and left no room for you to guess what he meant by ‘something’, which of course made you aggravated.

‘Ohh-kay...do you wanna give me a hint or-’

‘30 minutes.’

CALL ENDED

‘What-’

You’re cut off by a gunshot and a scuffle coming from the direction that Taehyung had exited, your instinctive responses to such a sound kicking in immediately and you make to sprint towards it, only to be stopped by two of Lee Hyuk’s men pushing you back to stop your pursuit.

Now it was time to have some fun.

Whereas Taehyung used words, you used actions; immediately thrusting the heel of your hand into the throat of the closest guard, before almost instantaneously kicking your foot out at the man beside him who made to lunge for you, the action giving you a few seconds to finish the first guy off with a blow to his temple, before you could lay into the advancements of the second. You hadn’t forgotten about the three other men in the room, but you only needed 5 seconds to deal with the two blocking your way, before you were able to spin around to face the others, stumbling initially when one takes you by surprise, but you only smirk back at him as you pounce...

Its just as you’d left the last guy to drop to the floor, and you remember why you’d had to defend yourself in the first place, that his voice comes from the doorway.

‘I see you’ve been busy.’

The humor in his tone makes you unable to refuse the smirk that stretches your face in response to the sight of him stood proudly in the doorway watching you. Having his steady gaze on you after the tension of the evening made you expect hostility, but staring back at him, his eyes only seemed to have warmth in them as they watched you.

‘I believe you need this.’ he says after a few moments, breaking the silence that you’d both been trapped in as you’d watched one another, to lift a thick black briefcase from his side, indicating that he’d managed to retrieve the money.

‘What was the gunshot?’ you ask as you mentally shake yourself out of your stasis and walk across the room to him, slowing your footsteps when you get closer to him, and holding your hand out for the case.

‘Thank you.’ 

Your timid murmur as he gently hands you the money, and the way your arm crawls with goosebumps pulls the tension back over the two of you, the atmosphere this time almost feeling comfortable despite its heavy weight on your focused senses.

‘You’re welcome. ...and we should probably go now, the paramedics will be here in a few minutes to attend to Lee Hyuk.’

Catching the slight quirk of humor at the edge of his lip in response to whatever state he’d left Lee Hyuk in makes you want to know what had happened. However, the second you go to ask, the wailing of sirens outside cuts you into silence, and so instead of pursuing the topic, you take Taehyung’s outstretched hand without even thinking about it, and run through the open door before either of you could be found.

‘I suppose i should thank you for saving my ass tonight.’ you murmur as the two of you continue to shuffle down the pitch black street after you’d driven away at what seemed like the speed of light from Lee Hyuk’s place. He’d struggled to contain his smile the whole ride back to the center of the city, humming and singing quietly to himself after explaining to you that he’d ‘disabled’ Lee Hyuk; this being the only word he used to explain the sound of the gunshot.

‘You showed me that you were quite capable of saving your own ass actually. Its been a while since i’ve seen something as hot as the sight of you standing in the middle of all the unconscious men, ...hair in slight dissarray...pupils blown wide with adrenaline-’

‘Hot?’ you cut him off, mentally clocking that you were less than two blocks from your base and directing him to take one of the side alley’s so that you wouldn’t run in to the young guards that were placed around the circumference of the first block. The word had surprised you, the way he’d used it so purposefully seeming odd coming from his lips, yet he’d seemed so utterly sure that that was how he would describe you, and that in itself had caused your cheeks to flush slightly.

‘Would you prefer ‘beautiful’, ‘stunning’, ‘dazzling’-?’

All you could do was stare at him, taking in the way his long trench coat swung softly around his tall, lean frame, his head tilted toward the floor as he walked, concealing a smile as he waited for your response, fluffy brown bangs falling in his face until he realizes you’d slowed to a stop, and he pauses a few steps from you to turn and see staring confusedly up at him.

‘What?’ he asks, seeming utterly at ease in the darkness of the alley, the power contained within him seeping from his every action.

‘How?...Why?-’ you stutter, trying to find the right question to ask him first, but rather than managing to let a single coherent thought pass your lips, he responds with a soft smile, his warm brown eyes fixed on you, and the only answer that your heart wanted to hear in that moment.

‘I like you, y/n.’

(T.B.C)

first dates w/ haechan

• ok so • you’ve been really good friends with mark lee for as long as you can remember • and you two have somewhat of a tradition • where every December you guys spend the day together • go ice skating and get hot chocolate • maybe do some Christmas shopping • and you lowkey spend all year looking forward to it • because you love hanging out with mark • but lbr you love going ice skating more mark just happens to be there lol • you love it maybe a little too much because you’re at the rink waiting for mark like fifteen minutes early • so you text him to kill time • just kind of asking when he’s gonna arrive • and mark’s typing for a really long time and you’re starting to get stressed he’s abandoning you • and when he finally messages you • he essentially was abandoning you • “hey y/n I cant come skating today, doctor’s orders im not even allowed to practice : -(( but the great news is hyuck’s gonna take meet you instead don’t be mad at you I am just a small farmer”

• and you swear you’re gonna kill him • because he knows how awkward you are with him • you’d rather he’d just cancelled on you • you would’ve skated alone • or with anyone but haechan • you’re at least 98% sure he’s scheming • he swears he didn’t see your journal • but ever since he’s been inviting haechan to hang out with the both of you • he claims it’s just because he wants both of his best friends to be best friends • but it’s more like he saw you writing that you think hyuck is really cute • you text mark back like “you’re dead to me : -)))” • and then you contemplate leaving before haechan shows up • but alas before you can even gather your things • you see hyuck waving at you • and you resign yourself to a life sentence in prison for murdering mark maybe • but you also can’t be that mad • because haechan looks so cute wrapped up in a scarf • when he finally reaches you • you’re prepared to be dragged probably • but he just says “sorry mark couldn’t make it and you’re stuck with me I know this is a tradition” • and you’re shook because he’s not being sarcastic????? • so you’re like “mark’s a rat idk him ,,, new tradition we ice skate together” • and haechan laughs so like you think it’s off to a great start • until y’all get on the ice • because haechan hasn’t ever gone skating before • and it turns out the boy can’t skate • at all • falls over six times in a row before he accepts your help • at first he’s determined to learn • like he’s holding the railing • and trying to keep up with you • while you explain that all you’re doing is putting one leg in front of the other • after circling a few times he thinks he’s ready to try so he lets go • and he’s skating beside you • for all of five seconds before he loses his balance • but you’re much closer than the railing is • so he just grabs your arm • and like as if he wasn’t already embarrassed by not being able to skate • now he’s holding onto your arm and he’s certain you can hear how loud his heart is beating • feels blessed everyone has red faces from the cold so you can’t tell just how flushed he is • feels even more bless when you laugh it off and offer your hand to him • because like you don’t seem to mind • and he has always wanted to hold your hand • although he’d imagined it under much different circumstances • he’s grateful all the same • when he finally feels a bit more stable • he realises he’s sort of getting the hang of skating now you’re guiding him • but he isn’t about to let go of your hand for nothing • snapped out of his thoughts when he hears you asking him if he likes ice skating • so he’s like I guess but im gonna kill mark when I get home because this is not the exact same as riding a hoverboard • so you’re like oh ,,, so mark has scammed both of us today rip him • and before you know it you’ve both forgotten about being embarrassed • and you’re just enjoying each others company • when y’all eventually get off the ice • you’re tying your shoes back on • preparing yourself to say bye then you know maybe go murder mark • when haechans like ……………….you wanna get some hot chocolate while we’re here?? • unrelated mark is buying so • and like how could you say no to that • so you grab a seat while haechan grabs your drinks • you check your phone while you’re waiting • and you’ve got a bunch of texts from mark • mostly saying he hopes you didn’t ditch haechan • so you’re like no plot twist ,,,, I’m ditching you haechan is my best friend now :-))) • so haechan comes back with y’alls hot chocolate • and you’re like mark doesn’t believe he’s been replaced hate 2 b him • so haechans like wait I got this • and he takes out his phone • and he’s like pose this is going in the gc • so he sends the selca in the group chat • and he’s like hey mark guess who’s been replaced ?? it’s you : -))))) • and there’s like an instant reply • but from jeno who’s like • omg…… is haechan on a date with y/n???? • and that’s when both you and haechan start freaking out a little • because ,,,,,,, was it a date???? • suddenly you’re both awkwardly laughing • so haechan types a quick hahah never die jeno thanks • and you’re a little disappointed • because like you don’t want to admit it • but you were highkey wishing he’d have said it was • you really hope you’re not visibly disappointed • because the last thing you need is haechan knowing you like him too • you both try your best to act natural after but you’re both feeling more than awkward • so you part ways soon after • and you’re at home for a while • kind of never expecting to hear from haechan again • but you get a text • and you’re expecting it to be from mark • but it’s from haechan • “hey, you busy tuesday” • “no,,, why?” • “…… just wondering if you’d want to go for second date” • you shriek and dropped your phone • and suddenly you’re no longer salty at mark for reading your journal

am i the only one who lost complete faith in bellarke the shows been om air for 4 years and the one final opportunity they had to kiss shouldve been right b4 they separated for 6 years they both were walking into their potential deaths and it just makes no sense how there wasnt at least a confession. then i remembered the writers are still pandering to antis who never shut up so it pretty much made me think that legit every small moment that has been given to us is bait for us to stay watching

2/2 you seem like one of the voice of reasons in the fandom and i just had to get it off my chest im just pretty sure the writers are baiting us all along for when they bring you know who back in the series finale or something its so sad bc we stuck around for so long and idk im pretty sure everyone has this feeling that bellarke will never happen so the antis will be happy. i wish theyd realize most of general audience prefers bellarke idk im just sad i wasted my time on this show for 4 yrs

Hello nonny! Not worry I am here to restore your faith in all things canon blarke and s5 is our time! I totally feel your pain, sometimes even I get in those ‘blarke is never gonna fuck what’s even the point’ moods, but i have some long ranting posts ill shoot your way so you have some things to think about and hopefully it'll raise your spirits! (also you saying I'm a voice of reason made me laugh because in all honesty I'm a huge emo mess )

About the kiss being in the s4 finale. at first I really thought it would happen too, since if they think they're gonna die they should confess and make out, except, they didn't think that, at least Bellamy didn't. He thought they were gonna have 5 years of the 2 of them stuck in space to figure it out and be together so he didn't feel the pressure to have to confess before they went up. Clarke probably didn't do anything because she was almost certain she was going to die and she probably didn't want to put all that on Bellamy if he was just going to lose her anyway. Thats especially easy to notice if you pay attention to the face caress scene where she seems light hearted and happy looking at him and then she remembers her mom’s vision. And if you recall there were two separate instances where one of them tried to either confess or say goodbye and the other wouldn't let them (Bellamy before clarke went to the island and Clarke before the head and heart convo). ALSO leaving the confession up in the air gives the opportunity for them to add a lot of conflict with bellamy not getting to tell her going into next season. So when you think about that, it makes a lot of sense for them not to have kissed in the finale.

About the writers pandering to a certain audience, I agree. they name dropped L at unnecessary and excessive points last season to pacify the antis as best as they could. I get it, I hated it, it hurt Clarke’s character, and it wasn’t needed, but like i get what they were trying to do, unsuccessfully. HOWEVER I don't think that'll be a problem going forward. The time jump allows time for Clarke to have grieved and moved on in the last 6 years. She’s not fresh off the loss of a loved one and she’s been able to come into herself and move on essentially. AND the writers have been active on Twitter, and talking about Bellarke for the first time since S2 which is a big deal. They’re out of their Post-L Hibernation and they feel safe, well at least safer, talking about Bellarke on social media, meaning they’ve moved on from trying to pacify the antis in that regard. I think we’re pretty much over seeing them directly pandering to the CL’s at this point. 

Running off of that there’s also the scripts that the writers release, which have so far been pretty Bellarke heavy with the “another piece of her soul on the line”, “kill another person who she loves”, every part of the finale scripts and Bellamy’s “heart screaming”. Like... they released a script canonically saying Clarke loves Bellamy (and in a romantic way since the only other person she loved that she killed in canon was Finn). They’re putting it out there.

There’s no way they’re going to bring L back. Jason said she’s dead and not coming back. ABC has said it. And she’s trying to stay as far away from this show and that character as possible right now, she’s moved on she’s not going to come back. 

As for baiting, yeah they stretch it out and a lot of people think 4 season is unrealistic, but I say time and time again, when you look at canon slow burns and how long they take, 4 seasons, not even full seasons let me remind you, is child’s play. Mulder and Scully took 7 seasons to kiss and almost the whole 9 seasons to be fully canon on the show. Stiles and Lydia took 6 seasons to be canon, Rick and Michonne took 4ish seasons to go canon (still more episodes than The 100′s current 58). Booth and Brennan, Fitz and Simmons, Harvey and Donna (I see you Ana), Ron and Hermione, they all took years and almost twice as long as Bellarke have. It’s how television works. It’s annoying and it’s unrealistic a lot of the times, but its a trope, it follows a pattern, it’s how television shows grab a certain type of viewers and and ensure that they can keep them for the run of the show. Because it’s widely believed by the tv industry that once the ‘will they won't they’ aspect is gone, viewers lose interest so they string it out as long as they think they can. Whether its true or not thats how it works. 

There are also two more major reasons I think, or rather I know, Bellarke are endgame. The 6 Year Separation, and the fact that That’s The Story Jason Is Writing. 

I have separate long posts for these on my blog so I’ll be brief and link those for further reading, but to start off, extended separations are romantic tropes. Being separated for years and thinking the other person is or could be dead is a tried and true romantic Hollywood trope. Almost every example of this in entertainment, be it tv, books, or film, has romantic connotations surrounding it. The entire post about it can be found right here, if you want the low down, which I suggest. I list off other examples and proof in it. 

Moving towards Jason writing romantic Bellarke, it’s what he’s doing. If you look back at all the pivotal ‘Bellarke’ scenes in the past, Jason or Aaron have written a good portion of those episodes. Jason, the show runner, and Aaron, the guy he was ready to have take over if his other show got picked up. That combined with how many times he’s said that this is ‘Clarke and Bellamy’s story’ and in the past (S1-2) how free he was when speaking about Bellarke on social media. It’s always been the plan. He just likes to pull a Chris Carter (show runner of The X-Files, and the OG JRoth) and try to drag it out and deny it as much as possible. Seriously look up some of the stuff CC has said about Mulder and Scully in the past and it fits the same pattern. You can find the full post right here, where I give quotes and explain everything further. 

Taking a turn for a second, you can also think about the fact that tv shows almost NEVER put their big endgame together until the end of the show is approaching, especially if it’s between the two series mains. They don’t give that to you early on, that’s why most bigger ships in tv are at least partially slow burn, they don’t put the big couples together in the first season or two.

And I guess to close out, you can think about the fact that S1 Bellamy is set up as a romantic interest for Clarke from the beginning. His character and their relationship follow the ‘enemy/bad boy isn't actually that bad and actually has a heart and realizes that when he meets the good girl that challenges him’ like come on my guys... they’re set up as a trope from episode 2 when he saves her, and then episode 3 when he stares at her killing Atom and he gets all soft and realizes she’s not who he thought she was. It even comes complete with the jealous canon love interest and the ‘we’ve been through a lot together”

Never mind, I have one more point. Look at the sizzle reel for next season. It’s set up to make Bellarke look romantic or at least intimately connected. I have another long post for that one right here. 

I hope that did the trick for reassuring you at least partially and now we can all stew in this hellatus for a few more months before this hell shit returns to us!