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denkies · 9 months

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The BSD 5 Opening, Tetsu no Ori, is a love song from Atsushi to Akutagawa

Let's start at the beginning of the song, with the accompanying scenes.

Putting Atsushi and Akutagawa with those specific lyrics was probably not a silly mistake done by complete coincidence. But let's keep going!

These lyrics specifically pertain to Atsushi's feelings after Akutagawa's death. Both "places" in these lyrics refer to the afterlife-- somewhere only seen after death, and somewhere Atsushi doesn't want Akutagawa to go.

"A place you can't go" can also be foreshadowing that Akutagawa doesn't go to the afterlife. He becomes a vampire. On that note, Atsushi believes that Akutagawa can be woken up from his brainwashed state-- and actually begins to succeed in chapter 108. He doesn't believe Akutagawa to be in the afterlife, because he has faith that he's still there.

The anime opening ends with those lyrics, but the full song continues. I'll be talking about some specific parts, which pertain to the topic.

This one is pretty quickly explained, as Akutagawa and Atsushi quite literally symbolize Yin and Yang, even physically. The line about being unable to ignore the "bug in the iron cage" comes up later!

Past tense, expressing the sorrow that came after the heat of battle. "The loss of ecstacy" seems to reference the 2 battles that they won against Fukuchi, as the ecstacy of winning was taken from them.

"That we can only be slaves to something; knowing that you will lose." is referencing these rewritten battles again -- Fukuchi tells them that they won, but he went back in time (chapter 87). In the lyrics, Atsushi recognizes that they are slaves to Fukuchi's sword, that they can't win.

"Knowing that you will lose" might also reference Atsushi's thoughts on Akutagawa's sacrifice. Atsushi knows that the escape route was only for him; that Akutagawa's first and foremost priory was getting Atsushi out alive. Knowing that he couldn't have saved Akutagawa from Fukuchi, because Akutagawa didn't want to be saved. He was going to lose, in every scenario, to keep Atsushi safe.

And finally, this part. "You've already taken flight; you've become a butterfly," again, referencing Akutagawa's death. Funnily enough, I think this also ties into Akutagawa not actually being dead. Butterflies symbolize the soul, death, and rebirth. All of these are relevant to him in vampire form, so equating him to a butterfly isn't too far off. It's also very pretty and sweet.

The line about the iron cage comes up again, this time, Atsushi revealing himself to be the "bug in the iron cage." The entire sequence seems to be about Atsushi's grief, that he can't ignore and is trapped in like a cage.

His desire to be free is also tied to him wishing to be reunited with Akutagawa. "You've already taken flight / If I could fly now, outside the iron cage..." I think it conveys that Atsushi wants to escape this grief, but only if it means reuniting with Akutagawa once more.

Lastly, as my evidence, the song title "Tetsu no Ori" (鉄の檻) literally means "Iron Cage". The song itself is about Atsushi being trapped in his grief, and love, after Akutagawa's death.

I rest my case.

#goddamn that took forever to write. hi.#if this essay flops or gets hate i will actually cry myself to sleep #oh yeah and that “kiss in the moonlight” line was also crazy #like how romantic can they get? sigh #shin soukoku #sskk #bsd #bungou stray dogs 5 #bungou stray dogs #bsd 5 #bsd season 5 spoilers #bsd season 5 #bsd s5 #akutagawa ryuunosuke #nakajima atsushi #atsuaku #covering my bases #a.txt

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k2ntoss · 3 months

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BIG FEARS AND LITTLE SURPRISES

tw ⭒ jason todd x fem!reader, pregnancy, cheating mentions, cursing, really REALLY angry jason, angst finished with a lot of fluff because i need something sweet with my baby ):

a/n ⭒ i had all of this almost finished and my fucking phone decided to go crazy and post it unfinished :) i swear i'm screaming. comments and reblogs are all appreciated, also feel free to leave anything on my askbox or inbox <3

no words count again, lmao, too lazy for that

the way your hands tremble makes it hard to see properly the results but it's worse with the tears blurrying your vision. positive. it's what you can see if compared to what the box says.

the knot on your throat is catching your breath with the sobs that manage to leave your lips and lucky you, the apartment is empty as jason had to leave for patrol. how are you supposed to tell him that you're expecting his baby? it's probably the biggest responsability you could make him take and you know he's capable of leaving his life behind just to keep you and the baby safe but here again, who are you to rip appart his life? you didn't had the right to take something so important to him away.

guilt is eating you up as you make your way out of the bathroom to pick up your phone, choosing to call babs because you really needed some help and she agrees to take you on her house for the night so when jason comes back you're not there, instead there's a note were you wrote 'i'll be back in the morning, had a small family emergency' and he senses there's something off but there's no sing of a single shit around the house.

you're out, babs helps you see an emergency doctor and you find out you're pregnant and you're on your fourth month, there's no way you can deny this and ignore it. you know that you'll have to end things with jason, be out of his life before you can ruin it for good, before you are the reason he loses his happiness and his reason to be.

there's no need to say that jason isn't able to sleep what's left of the night, it's not until you open the door when he's able to breathe because you look just fine, there's not a single hair out of its place on you and he comes closer but stops on his track when he's met with the less warm greeting you could have made.

"morning, jason" you say in a calm tone, your lips pressed on a fine line as you walk pass him, gently nudding your shoulder against his side as if you just bumped him and he turns around, mouth parted as he tries to say something in the exact second you dissapear through the doorway of your room.

"good morning?" he greets back, where was his kiss? and his hug? he's following you like a lost puppy while you pace around the room "babe... is something going on?" he asks softly, his eyes look worried and it hurts so bad because a big part of you wants to jump into his arms and break the news to him.

you were going to be a family.

you could have been a family.

but life wasn't that nice to almost anyone, you couldn't just tell him and ruin his whole life, take away everything for him to take a responsability that maybe he wasm't ready to take.

"nope, nothing at all" you reply, turning around to avoid looking at him as your voice comes nonchalant naturally, almost putting too much of a good show of being just fine. and then your phone rings, dick's name pops up on your screen and you look at it, fisting the device as you walk fast out of the room "i have to take this, wait" you mumble as you dart oit of the apartment.

jason is so taken by surprise he doesn't follows at first giving you the chance to talk a little more safely.

"i can't tell him, dick, what am i supposed to do? if i ever tell him it's all gonna be over" you mutter into the speaker and dick knows that part of it is real, but he also knows jason and he knows he couldn't feel his life would be ruinned by his own child growing on your womb.

there are steps comming from into your place and you know it's time to finish the call "i can't talk right now, please don't keep calling me" you mutter between gritted teeth "not when he's around" you let out as a whisper hoping jason didn't heard.

but as i said, life isn't nice. he hears it, it's weird because he made part of your mumbling and whispering "was it about your family emergency?" he asks, it's clear that there are some thoughts starting to rumble on his head but he tries to push it away.

"yeah, uh... my sister is having a hard time with her husband" and your answer seems to be genuine at first, jason nods at it makes you believe he accepts it. but he's not stupid.

that's the first time jason feels like something isn't right, the first time a little hint of distrust raises on his mind and he feels sick.

the following days are almost the same, you keep your phone inside the pockets of your clothes and avoid looking at him. there are no kisses or hugs over the day, no cuddling while watching a movie on the evening and what is worst.

there no hugging on your sleep. it's like you're pushing him away, closing yourself up to him and that makes him feel like he's losing you.

most nights you would just turn around and shift under the blankets pretending to be asleep just to push away his arms, snuggling away from him until you were sleeping on the edge of the bed. some other nights, just like this one, you would put up any lame excuse.

"it's too hot, jason, can we not cuddle now?" you'd ask him with a frown, thruth is that it was chill and you are just wearing shorts and a old shirt, too thin to cover you from the wind. your tone is filled with disgust at the thought of being too close to him when you were both sweaty when you wanted nothing else but cuddle yourself into his arms, to kiss him and hear his heartbeat "it's not a big deal, just one night not cuddling"

and jason isn't even able to reply, he just nods because he knows that if he speaks his voice will break. he might look like a though guy, like he didn't needed anyone but himself but he needed you. it was killing him, not being able to see your eyes looking up at him with so much love and care, why was he losing you?

at this point is hard for him to even talk to you, it's been two weeks already and you aren't home during the day. when he has to go on patrol you are about to arrive and he starts to lose any hope on being able to talk this through with you even if he decided to stay at home and skip his patrol. when he's back it's either to find you sleeping already or to find you on the couch and he doesn't feel brave enough to pick you up to take you to bed.

he has some hopes up tho, he feels like maybe ome of this days you'll wake up being the same as always, showering him in soft pecks to wake him up or maybe whispering sweet nothings into his ear but you know how they say that even the strongest rock breaks when water hits it too much?

jason has his limits too and his mind hasn't stopped to think of the possibilities of you having someone else. he hates himself because that would mean he doesn't trust you anymore and that what it is, but he doesn't want to think it like that.

one evening when jason is supposed to be out with bruce to check a big case you come back home, you miss being there and having him to hold you thight and kiss your face.

"you came back early" you hear his voice and it makes you freeze, he wasn't supposed to be here. for your luck it's starting to get colder outside so a few layers of clothing helps to cover the way your belly has started to grown. it's ever so slightly swollen, being your first pregnancy and you just being on the fifth month it was easy to say it wasn't really a baby bump.

but you knew jason would notice if he looked close enough. you are there, arms crossed over your chest as you look at jason. there's no hint of the warmth of his happiness to see you back home and your heart breaks up all over again for the hundreth time in weeks.

"aren't you supposed to be with bruce?" you asks, pretending not to be surprised or scared because you tried so hard not to tremble under his gaze.

"am i? really? for what i can remember we are both supposed to be and do some things but you aren't like you're supposed to be lately" he says and his tone comes out harsh. maybe it's for the better but he hates fighting with you, he hates having any kind of argument with the girl he loves so much but he can't take this anymore.

"and can you tell me what do your words mean?" you ask him, you knew that this was about to come it just needed to be pushed a little more to explode like an old grenade. like an old mine on a war field because it was just like that, everything was so spiky between you both it was better to spend your time out.

"you know damn well what i mean, y/n" he scoffs, there's a sharpness to his eyes that makes you want to cry but you have to keep it together so you can finally push him away so you can safe what's the most important thing for him.

oh but how mistaken you were. dumb, dumb, dumb. as if you weren't the most important thing for him, as if losing you wouldn't break him completely and let alone finding out he was going to be a father. you were about to take his heart out of his chest and squeeze it, drain it completely to leave him destroyed. the shell of the man he became when you came into his life.

"i'm sorry to break it into your hard head, i have no idea what you mean" you talk back, sounding all so sure and defensive when everything you wanted was to bury yourself into his arms and say how sorry you were, how stupid you felt for hidding all of this from him.

"you're not even the shade of who you were weeks ago, y/n" he stands up from the chair he's sitting at, heavy steps as he comes closer. he's towering over you and there's a voice in the back of your head that tells you that it's better to stop all of this because you also hated this kind of confrontation "what the hell is going on? is it even something better that what we had?"

and that question makes you confused, what was he talking about? what was better?

"care to enlighten me? you're just talking and i cam't understand what do you mean" your words sound genuine and they are, there's not a single thought of what he could possibly mean.

"c'mon, don't play dumb with me" he starts, looking away with a scowl. he walks away when he feels you shifting a little closer, it's almost as if the heat of your body wasn't a welcome feeling anymore, it burned him "did you decided to go play someone's else pretty girlfriend? is he even as good as i am?"

and it all makes sense. did he really thought you had someone else and even if you've been lying to him, hidding things from him it hurts you so bad because you were so sure he knew how much you loved him, how he was everything you could have ever wished for.

"are you being–? do you think i have someone else?" you ask and the way you sound so offended makes him feel angrier "who the fuck do you think i am? how can you even dare to say that?"

"so now you're offended? what? cam't stand being called out like the cheater you are?" his voice turns louder, he sounds so angry and hurt, jason feels his eyes sting and he has to bite his tongue to hold back the tears "what do you think? that i'm fucking stupid?! you think i don't listen to you when you speak on the phone? how you tell him to stop calling you when i'm around?"

every single word feels like a dagger into your chest, he's unable to stop himself with the questioning and the pain on your heart makes you bring one hand to the top of your belly in a protective way, almost by instinct because you know that intense emotions can be harmful for a baby.

"do you think i don't know you're not home until i leave for patrol?! maybe you're too busy letting another asshole fuck you like some cheap whore" and it's what you needed to hear, the last thing you needed to listen from him because now you can't help it.

the tears that start falling from your eyes in silence are just fuel to his anger.

"and now you're crying! can't you stop playing thr victim" and his voice is louder, he's screaming now and you can't think before it slips out of your mouth.

"i'm expecting" it comes out as a whisper, he can't really make your words because his voice mutters yours completely.

"i can't fucking believe you're crying when you're the one cheatin–"

"i'm expecting!" this time when his voice lowers it's your turn to raise your tone and he stops on his tracks. his face turns pale when the words sink on his mind and even the vein on his neck vanishes.

"what?" it's the only thing he manages after swallowing hard, he looks at you in disbelief and your worst fear roars inside of you when you think that he just can imagine his life ruined.

"i'm pregnant" you're still crying and your hand is still holding your belly almost as if you were also scared of losing what you thought was the last thing you had left of jason "i didn't knew how to tell you- i didn't wanted to ruin your life like this, i'm so sorry i'm doing this to you"

your words are slurred and you can't help it, the tears fall down more and more when jason covers his mouth with his hand and sighs. he hides the biggest smile he has let out in years and you can't see it. it looks like he's regretting being with you to your eyes and it breaks you even more.

with your eyes closed and the noise of your struggled breath you can't hear it when he comes closer and his hands are over yours, he looks at you with a spark of pure joy as he cups your cheeks so lovingly it makes your heart ache.

"are you? sweetheart..." he speaks and his voice breaks but you're sure he has never sounded so happy before "why didn't you... you really thought this would ruin my life?"

through your tears and all the fear you still feel doesn't let you speak so you nod feeling your knees weak and jason notices. he holds you into his arms, picking you up to walk and sit on the couch, taking your body in his embrace to cuddle you against his chest.

"there's nothing that i could have wanted more than this" he mutters, his lips pressed against your temple as he caresses your back "never again think that something as important as this could ruin me, okay? you have no idea... how much i've wanted to start a family by your side" jason speaks and there's no trace of anger on his eyes anymore, there are still a few tears rolling down his cheeks but the smile on his lips is there too.

"i didn't knew how to tell you, i'm so sorry" you sob, your arms going around his neck as you hide your face from him in shame "i don't want you to quit your life for us, jason"

"let me clear a few thing up for you, hm?" jason starts, one of his hands sneaks until it finds the small curve of your belly "first of all, you can't call me jason, it's either jay or any of those cheesy nicknames you have for me but never in your life jason" the way he sound deadly serious brings a sense of warmth and safety that you lost in the past weeks and that made it easier for you to breathe as you nod at his words.

"now, i won't quit my life. my life right now is you and this little one, yeah? it's gonna be hard, we're still young but we are a family now and i'll do anything to keep you both safe" jason says, so solemnly it makes you nod without even thinking. he was so right.

and you've been so wrong all this time.

"i'm on the fifth month..." you say, your voice comes out a little hoarse but jason can't help the pretty chuckle he lets out at his excitement.

"do you know what it will be?" he asks softly, leaning in to kiss softly both of your eyes. those were one of your favorites because jason started to kiss your eyes once you told him one of the stories you were told when you were a little girl.

and when you nod at his question he looks at you, waiting for your answer and it bring a small smile to your face after weeks of feeling dead.

"it's a girl... i went to the doctor today, i wished you could have been there" you say as you look away and it only makes you miss the way jason's smile widens and he has to cover his eyes because he's crying all again.

"so were having a little princess, right?" he asks, jason sounds so happy that just thinking about how you were about to hide this from him makes you sick, but there's nothing that can bring down how you feel when he smiles like that "will i be able to read to her when she goes to bed?"

how easy had been for you to deny yourself from the pleasure and joy of letting him know before but it wasn't late to make up for all of this. having a family with the love of your life was really a dream come true.

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