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the1975attheirverybest · 9 months

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I'm seeing on twitter some very angry people from Malaysia. They are complaining because they paid for the show and didn't have it, that other people can be somehow punished and that this doesn't effectively changes anything. Also, they say that It makes It more dificult to have international artists doing shows there.

Do you have an opinion on these issues?

Yeah, so, with regards to not getting the show they paid for, this was the show. They got it. This was it. It’s not the show they thought they were going to see, but this is the 1975. That’s what they do. And that was only possible show for them to put on under the circumstances. Just because it wasn’t a 12 song setlist (usual average length of a festival show) doesn’t mean it wasn’t real or thought out. In fact, it was more real and thought out that most other gigs.

Put yourself in the bands shoes. They got banned from Dubai for a similar thing. They’ve spoken up about queer rights several times in the US. Written songs about it. Did we really think that they would show up, take money from homophobes, smile and wave and act like all is well? It was clear from Matty’s speech that he weighed his options. And he had the fans in mind as he thought it through. He acknowledged that the fans are not a reflection of the government and that they’re probably progressive and perhaps some of them are even queer themselves. But he couldn’t do it in good faith. And that’s what the bands spirit is. That’s what they do. Who they are. What they stand for.

The “it won’t change anything” argument doesn’t really make sense to me, tbh. Just because a person doesn’t have direct political influence, doesn’t mean that they should just go with whatever their oppressive governments tell them to do. In fact, it’s precisely BECAUSE of their privilege that the 1975 SHOULD do this. Because they can get away with it in ways that Malaysian queer people can’t. When you have power that other people don’t, what kind of person would you be if you didn’t use it to amplify marginalized voices? Nothing was going to happen to the fans, they’re Malaysian, they know this. I’m speaking as an Arab myself. An Arab who lived in Dubai (where the 1975 is also banned). I won’t insult their culture or identity by saying that they’re 100% the same, but their governments oppression is the same as the oppression that I have seen. They all have the same source (Saudi Arabia) and operate under the same assumptions. They wouldn’t prosecute fans for coming to the show at which this happened.

I think gestures of solidarity, and symbolic acknowledgements are important. Because this wasn’t JUST about Malaysia and it’s government. This is for every queer fan who feels threatened and marginalized right now. It’s important that they feel seen and supported by their artists. Matty is constantly talking about how it’s an artists role to “signpost towards utopia.” We are a long, long ways away from a utopia, but I think treating people with equal dignity and respect is the bare fuckin minimum. They were fulfilling their role as artists by doing this. Sometimes, the consequences are worth it even when they don’t lead to direct, overnight change in government policy. If we only ever attempted change when we were absolutely certain of the effect it was going to have and the success of our desired result, then nobody would ever risk anything. This all or nothing mentality pervades our culture these days. Especially online and especially by young people. Just because the US is not going to turn into a perfect country with free healthcare and education and anti-racist policies doesn’t mean we shouldn’t still try. Stay engaged. Vote. Just because someone made a mistake that proved them to be human, flawed, and less than perfect, doesn’t mean they can’t still be a good person. If we keep thinking “it’s either a whole win or I don’t want it” then we won’t get very far.

It’s not gonna make it harder for international artists to come to Malaysia. Corporate mouth pieces who choose cash over political and moral value are still going to agree to perform. It just won’t be the 1975 (or artists like them).

As a Muslim: homophobia is not part of our religion or our culture. Oppression is not a cultural convention that is worthy of respect or reverence. Again, I’m arab. I know about colonialism. Yes, westerners, especially white men, do have a long track record (as long as history itself) of disrespecting our culture and religion, denigrating our identities, forcing their beliefs on us in the name of “spreading democracy” and “enlightening us” and “bringing us civilization.” The result of that is a fractured cultural and historical identity. A lot of damage to our religions and traditions. To our languages even. What the 1975 did today was NOT that. If you think that God wants you to oppress other because of their sexuality, or if you think that your marginalization of queer people is something that people should respect and uphold, then the 1975’s show today was for you. Hope you got the message.

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czarnoxiestwo · 1 month

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Let me display an array of negative emotions in public for a sec

I feel like I haven't been this low in ages. I'm seriously considering changing my career to something less interesting but maybe a little more stable. I almost wrote 'less fulfilling' instead of 'less interesting' here but the point is - it's more stressful than fulfilling at this point.

Impostor syndrome is a quiet constant for me but it seriously seems like I'm far behind other people I know who started tattooing around the same time as I did. It's like I'm walking in circles, not actually acquiring any new skills, at least not in a sensible timeframe. And being stressed about not being as competent as I should be while having to pretend like I am is not the best learning environment which completes this circle. I work with people who are both younger than me and technically more competent than me which is discouraging in the sad, tired and resigned kind of way. (I should point out that I did the right thing at the very beginning - but you can still go through apprenticeship that doesn't point you in the right direction or provide any actual practical advice, not to mention solid skills). What's more, I feel like it hurt my general artistic abilities, not giving me enough room (energy and mental capacity) to grow through experimentation, exercise that my 'waste' my time or creating more time-consuming projects. I taught myself how not to rely on inspiration (which is actually a very useful skill) but I usually use it to create things at the merely passable level that a perfectly average client finds acceptable and will graciously agree to use instead of some random picture stolen from Pinterest. I love doing art, I want to do art - I don't know if tattooing is the kind of art I should be doing or if the art should be my main source of income in general.

My client base (as little as it was) pretty much crumbled away with only some people coming back from time to time but even then I see they don't have much money to spend (nor I expect them to). I don't know if I'm too awkward around strangers (I'm can be pretty awkward) for clients to actually want to work with me on a purely vibe based level or people just aren't interested in what I have to offer art-wise. I'd say my skills have something to do with that but I know (of) tattooers with absolutely abysmal works still managing to be fully booked. Being a queer person in a not that big of a city also means I have to be selective about who I'm willing to work with because my safety may depend on it. I know the self-promotion is an important part of being any kind of professional artist in this capitalist hell but to be frank, I fucking suck at it. I loathe fake-fun fake-energetic artistic content. I hate content-content, to be honest. At the same time I don't hate social media as a concept, I'm more of a shitposter type of guy though and I don't know if I'm brave enough to let it spill into my public facing profiles - both because of my safety as mentioned above but also because it my scare potential clients even more. In consequence my financial stability kind of doesn't exist at this moment.

I'm burned out but I don't do enough to be burned out. I need a break but I cannot afford to have a break. This job takes its toll on a body too. I need a regular physiotherapy for my arm, and fuckes my eyes even more than they're fucked by themselves (a lot). Sometimes I wonder how for how long I'll be able to continue this career before my body says no.

I'm just constantly stressed and worried, and I'm not sure what to do.

#vent post #felt depressed may delete later

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romaine2424 · 10 months

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Daily Blog July 3, 2023

Not feeling chatty today, too many errands and chores to do. At least I don't have to buy fireworks this year for the 4th of July. They were just outlawed last year where I live. Before that, we were all out in the street shooting of aerials and and lots of other things. Neighbors around the corner always put on quite the show. Had a few scary moments over the years. But it was all fun until the clean up!

What I'm reading:

Oh wow Everybody Hates a Tourist by anon for the @hd-wireless fest definitely earned it's right to open the fic portion of the fest. It created quite the atmosphere in Brighton were we find one Draco Malfoy living the gay Muggle scene for the last 8 years.

Summary:

On a stag do in sunny Brighton with the Gryffindor lads, the last person Harry expects to run into is Draco Malfoy. After a glimpse of Malfoy’s Muggle life in Britain’s gay capital, Harry’s curiosity gets the better of him and he finds himself returning to the seaside again and again, drawn to the city, drawn to this new version of Malfoy that Harry barely recognises from school. Meanwhile, Draco’s just trying to live his big and best queer life: working for the weekend, chasing hot men, getting lost in Brighton's nightlife, and making friends with the neighbourhood cats. Why does his former school rival and crush have to show up and spoil everything?

There was so much to enjoy about this fic given the summertime atmosphere and just hanging out in the pubs, having some smokes, and eating bits of this and that. Harry in this fic is going through some changes in his life but is still on solid ground physically and mentally. We think Draco is too, but there is a vulnerability there and, of course, Harry wants to fix it. One of my favorite things about this fic is Harry's innocence but also sense of adventure. Draco introducing him bit by bit to his lifestyle and the atmosphere of Brighton and Harry is wide-eyed but also enthusiastic. Very cute. Oh and asking for gossip about fellow classmates was a riot. Poor innocent Harry. :) A lovely feel-good fic with definite moments of seriousness. Read and definitely give MA some love with comments!

Everybody Hates a Tourist on AO3

Drarry Tumblr Fic/Art Resources

I know most of you are probably already following @thedrarrylibrarian, but not everyone goes to the home page of someone's Tumblr site. This is a must for @thedrarrylibrarian because there is so much packed into a few links. The first thing you should do is read the FAQ on the home page before you get started. Especially if you're looking for a type of fic. Some fic genres and tropes aren't covered. Also, if you're looking for a specific fic, this is not the place as noted. That is @lostdrarryfics, another great drarry fandom resource.

What is on here is a Card Catolog, which gives a plethora of subject matters to find fics under. Like Beach Reads, or Spy!Draco or Raising Teddy. And even better, they are being continually updated.

Also there is the Reference Section, which is extremely helpful. Here's a few examples: How to Tag your Fic, How to Gain Friends & Friends Writing Fanfic, and How to Write Fanfic Summaries!

The last category, I've mentioned before and that is Friends of the Library, which is a list with links to the collaborations with other writers/artists/reccers/friends, which includes The Happy Hour events.

And finally, you can always ask for a type of fic(s) to fulfill a certain want or need. :)

A lot of work has gone into the site. It's very easy to use, which I particularly am a fan of. So go play around and see what you can discover in the @thedrarrylibrarian!

Tomorrow is a holiday and I'm not sure I'll be making a post as we have some family plans. Hope everyone enjoys their week!

Rom

#romaine2424 daily blog #july 2023

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hairasuntouchedaspartoftheamazon · 1 year

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I’m still working on filling in the areas of overlap in a way that semi-legible, but I wanted to show off my in-progress magnum opus of the month: The Seven Elements That Make Music Fuck Severely

This is incredibly subjective so PLEASE no one jump down my throat about it

In no particular order, the elements are:

-Rock (pop rock, punk rock, folk rock, filk, heavy metal, any and all of it counts)

-Made By Nerds (this is both the stereotypical definition of nerds as well as any group of people who are so deeply passionate about a thing that it transforms them into nerds, no matter how cool the og subject matter is)

-Gay (both anything that is queer in subject matter as well as themes/creators. gay people can create music that isn’t Gay, straight people can create music that is, it’s about how it makes you feel/what the music is actually saying. That said, this section is absolutely for music made by and for the Gays)

-From New Jersey (I don’t know what it is, there’s something in the water here I guess (it’s lead))

- ‘Oh there is something Wrong with you’ (for that certain je ne sais quoi. this can be affectionate or derogatory or both. This also overlaps with Jersey a LOT)

- ‘You’ve got some religious stuff to work out/have problems with god’ (again, fairly self explanatory. also most people who have problems with their parents fall under this as well. Prevalent religious themes count as well, it doesn’t necessarily have to be problems per say, just something the artists obviously consider a lot with their music.)

-Narratives/Storytelling/Concept Albums (stories that track over several songs, narratives explored through music and narration, concept albums and concept bands, all of it is VERY GOOD and a great way to tell stories in different formats. costumes are a bonus)

Possessing more elements does not automatically make a band/music fuck more severely, that’s correlation not causation. There are many many musical acts that are absolutely amazing that only fulfill one, two, or none of the elements. However, My Chemical Romance does fulfill all seven elements and fucks so incredibly hard. So take that as you will.

@ryebreadlord

#Sebastian speaks #Sebastian loves MCR #I made a chart!#i might learn how to code just so I can make an interactive version of this chart!#@ryebreadlord #this is for u a bit

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kalamity-jayne · 2 years

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For Pride this year, I made these two mixes for all the trans folks out there.

The tracks are meant to be listened to in their current order but do as you like. Also, all of the artists are transgender (tho not exactly sure if Princess Nokia is trans, she's gnc and uses she/they, in any case they're down with the community so they get an invite to the house party regardless, know what I'm sayin?) Lastly, if you see some artists appear multiple times, it's just cause I think their shit slaps super hard.

The people in my life who know me well, know that making mixes is kind of an obsession of mine. There's never a time I'm not making a mix for some person or some occasion. Mix making is my love language. So, this is my love letter to the transgender community. I love all y'all ❤️❤️❤️ This trans love letter, directed at the whole community, also goes out to one very special person in particular, who showed a side of T4T relationships I hadn't even considered before (more on that below the cut, along with links to some advice from yours truly for dealing with gender dysphoria).

For the past few months I've been thinking a lot about T4T as a philosophy of relationships among trans folks. Contrary to cisgender assumptions, T4T is about far more than just dating preferences or sex. T4T relationships are all about being ride or die for your fellow transexual. T4T is a relationship of delimited reciprocity and intuitive mutual understanding. T4T relationships are complex and, like transgender people themselves, they are irreducible.

T4T love contains multitudes.

A T4T relationship can encompass many different kinds of kinship all at once. I hadn't quite understood that, nor did I know how much transitioning had expanded my capacity for love. That was until recently when I met a very special trans lady right here on tumblr dot com (she knows who she is). We were mutuals who just started messaging each other, somewhat out of the blue. We've talked almost every single day since, gotten to know each other and bonded over the unique ups & downs that come with being transgender moms, among many other shared experiences. Every morning I'd anticipate the start of the day's conversation, heart skipping a beat with each notification and racing after each message sent. We saw and immediately understood each other. As we've shared bits of each day with each other, trading parenting tips and pictures of toddler mischief, we also lifted each other up, held each other through difficult times, and taken pride in each other's successes.

There are a number of trans folks in my life, some of them quite close in fact but it wasn't until my extra special mutual came along that I experienced just how powerful and immediate a T4T connection could be. Our correspondence felt and continues to feel absolutely electric despite the hundreds of miles between us. Our relationship, like many T4T relationships, is difficult to define as it isn't reducible to any one thing. The closest I've been able to come is romantically platonic, I've heard others use the term queer platonic but neither one does the relationship any justice. The bonds between us as trans women are as ineffable as being struck by lightning and so I'm reluctant to label it at all. To use her words, we simply fulfill something in each other. My life has been fuller and brighter ever since our correspondence began. I am profoundly grateful she came into my life and I consider her very much part of my chosen family. So, from the bottom of my heart, I dedicate this trans love letter to her.

🌺This is for you my dear, thank you for everything🌺

The lesson I wish to impart to the rest of you is this: Reach out to one another because the bonds between us already exist, they're just waiting to be activated and are full of life changing potential.

T4T love is healing. T4T love is invigorating. T4T love is sacred.

Advice for dealing with gender dysphoria Part 1

Advice for dealing with gender dysphoria Part 2 (coming soon)

#Spotify #transgender #T4T #trans #music #love

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therehavebeenstranger · 2 years

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i know people on here who follow me aren't theater people necessarily but i am OBSESSED with this interview with Sarah Porkalob in Vulture about her role in the 1776 revival/the show in general.

Since I heard about the revival, I've been wary of it. I find, lately, that a lot of big revivals are doing these kind of under thought casting changes to try and "update" older musicals, often to the detriment to the complexity of, say, their gender politics (yeah, I'm talking about company. Putting A Woman There doesn't make more feminist. Girl Bobbi Company is less about gender than the original flavor, but I shan't go on about that here). Here, it seemed suspect--like, sure, while casting 1776 with non-white non-men could GESTURE at a reckoning w the white supremacy of the original text/the subjects thereof, to quote an entirely different musical, "it ain't necessarily so." asking a non-white actor to embody a slaver is not a de facto revolutionary statement (take, for example, hamilton's discomfort with thomas jefferson. casting a black man to play jefferson does not make "sally won't you be a lamb" a more comfortable line NOR does it, in itself, complicate that relationship. it just.... asks a black person to inscribe that on their body. not great bob!)

all of this just to say that porkalob is remarkably (and sometimes hilariously) frank about the failures of the production, both in terms of process and the resultant product.

tumblr isn't letting me upload screenshots, so here's my fave quotes:

"What do you think is the effect of that casting? The casting is providing resources. The resources include a weekly salary, but also exposure for actors who traditionally would not be cast in this show. In terms of visibility, it is showing our audiences all of these faces that wouldn’t typically be seen. It’s also inviting our audiences to consider how our country was founded without the consideration of people like our cast in mind. Those are the three things I think it’s doing successfully. After that it gets a little complicated … a lot complicated, I should say.

What do you mean?1776 was written in the 1960s by two dudes. It won the Best Musical Tony over Hair. When it was written, during the Vietnam War, there was a generation of people who had bought into the American Dream, and part of the American dream was fighting for democracy. Then there was this generation after them that thought, Maybe we are sending our young men off to die for no reason. So it’s funny to look at 1776 and Hair as two very different musicals written at the same time, but in response to the same thing. 1776 has this desire to humanize the Founding Fathers and feels like a call back to nostalgic Americana. It’s like, Look at these good ole boys. They were just guys doing this stuff. To me, the play is a relic. It is a dusty, old thing."

"Then there is “The Egg,” which presents all these great moments of American history that happened after the events of the show by projecting scenes from them during the song. It did throw me off given that your production seems to be critiquing American exceptionalism. What do you think of that number? I think the directors missed a very obvious opportunity with that song to point back at American history in the way they said they wanted to. What we see in the projection is a collage of America’s history of protest, but do you know what it was sorely missing? The protests that were happening on Capitol Hill in January. Those people were literally chanting “1776.” It’s a choice. I would have been like, Let’s have this be a rock-out fucking song while we show those images of white supremacists charging Capitol Hill."

"Are you artistically fulfilled being in 1776? No, I’m not. The salary is good."

"How do you see queerness interacting with the show? I’ll be honest and say that our directors never thought about that. When we were all in the room together, there wasn’t any conversation about how we marry our queer identities with these characters, which is disappointing. It was clear that they were prioritizing the social identifier of race as a driving creative choice more than anything else. Gender identity, sexual identity — those we weren’t talking about.

Were you directed to play men? Yes, but in a very specific way. We were directed in the beginning of our Boston run to play at being men. It was in the posturing and the gestural work that we were doing in the choreography. According to our choreographer and directors, it had a masculine energy. I think honestly, in that Boston run, that approach did a huge disservice to us as actors. A lot of people were caught up in wondering, Am I a man? Am I myself? Who am I? I decided to pull back in, because I felt, I can’t act in ways that are exciting to me if I’m just playing at being a man. I had to change some things on my end to make it better for me."

it's a great interview and not a super long read. i really appreciate Porkalob's insights and admire her refusal to capitulate to the commercial theater machine. and i'm glad she got that salary :)

#theater stuff #1776 #company #hamilton #probably should have saved some of these thoughts for the substack but i'll write the goddam company post when i get there #broadway #musical theater

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yegarts · 2 years

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“I Am YEG Arts” Series: Darrin Hagen

Speak less and listen more. It’s one heck of a resolution, and one Darrin Hagen made decades ago. His reason? You don’t learn much while you’re talking, and Hagen wants to learn. Consequentially, as pandemic fate would have it, he’s had more time than ever to work on that. While some of us were perfecting our sourdough, Hagen spent his hiatus taking comfort in his first love: music. He’s been writing about it, composing it, producing videos, and learning how to share it all digitally with the world. If that isn’t exciting enough, you can also look forward to the two plays he’s bringing to this years’ long-awaited Fringe Festival. Writer, performer, composer, and listener—this week’s “I Am YEG Arts” story belongs to Darrin Hagen.

What keeps you choosing Edmonton as your place to live and work?

I arrived in Edmonton four decades ago and never intended to stay, but good things keep happening to me here. Edmonton has always opened doors to experiences I never could have had anywhere else. It’s also a big anniversary year for me: 40 years living in Edmonton, 35 years since Guys In Disguise made its debut at the Fringe Festival, and 25 years since the publication of The Edmonton Queen.

Tell us about your journey as a storyteller of queer history and where you hope it takes you next.

I never try to predict or anticipate what’s next—and I think that’s the secret to moving forward. I didn’t write The Edmonton Queen 25 years ago to be political or to fulfill an agenda. I just wrote what I had experienced and what I was feeling. We are all the authorities in our own lived experience, and for whatever reason, I’ve lived through some pretty unique circumstances, and that’s given me a distinct outlook on the world around me.

I’m a history nerd and love research, so I’ll just keep digging and expanding my knowledge of what the Queer population of this province has endured. It’s important for the young Queers to understand the struggles of prior generations in order to fully appreciate and protect the privileges we now enjoy. And it’s important for the elder Queers to know that their pain and their efforts were not in vain.

I recently did a Zoom call with the gay seniors group and told stories of the many moments where I was in drag, dealing with the media that not only didn’t understand my gender fluidity, but didn’t even possess the vocabulary to describe it. The session was a blast and made me realize that I have many more stories to tell. I do feel a shift toward creating documentaries, though. Again—that’s not something I ever could have predicted—but it began to happen, and I am very open to it!

What’s your favourite part of the creative process?

I love that moment when you stop trying and just allow the art to happen—the moment where effort becomes effortless. It doesn’t always happen, but it’s so good when it does. After I’ve composed some music, my favourite part of that process is spending a few hours just listening. I also love that moment on stage when you’re in the last seconds of a play, and you can feel that it worked.

What does community mean to you, and where do you find it?

My answer to this has changed many, many times over the years. For a long time, it was in the club scene—the world of Flashback both saved and inspired me. Then it was the world of activism that was my foundation. Then for years it was the theatre scene. But I think through all of that, the people who enjoy my work and honour it by spending time with it are the community that means the most to me. My creative output is a conversation between them and I, and some have been on this journey with me since the days I was spewing Life cereal all over the Flashback stage in the early 80s. They’ve allowed me to grow, and struggle, and sometimes triumph.

The pandemic years have also shown me that my world has gotten very insular as I devote my time to solo creation. I think that’s a natural progression, as I morph into an artist that’s newly intrigued by digital dissemination.

What has surprised you most over the course of your writing career?

I don’t think I was ever really meant to be a writer, so everything I write is still a surprise. I’m surprised by some of the advances around Queer equality—most of the activists I knew couldn’t have predicted how quickly things could progress. I’m also surprised at how quickly language has changed in my lifetime. That kind of change used to take centuries, didn’t it?

It is said that to be an activist is to speak, and to be an advocate is to listen. You’re known for both. How is each reflected in your current work?

I made a New Year’s resolution decades ago to speak less and listen more. Anyone who knows me can tell you what a struggle that can be for someone as verbose as I. But I say it to myself every December 31: One doesn’t learn much while one is talking. I want to learn.

I have also spent decades interviewing people—first for Outlooks Magazine, then for HelpTV, then many, many interviews with Queer elders for the many Queer history projects I have been working on. It’s important to leave room for people to speak. As I get older, I get less and less interested in being the one speaking. When I do, I want it to be measured and thoughtful. That’s why I hate social media.

Metronome at Workshop West, directed by Heather Inglis.

What excites you most about the YEG arts scene right now?

I’m intrigued to see what new art and which new voices will emerge from the darkness of the pandemic. I had a very productive time composing music and learning how to edit video, and am about to start releasing music I made during the hiatus. I’ve already seen and heard some brilliant things. Society experienced something huge. The ripples will never stop.

Tell us about the importance of mentorship throughout your career and what it’s taught you.

Working with other writers makes me a better writer. I had some inspiring and generous minds that gave me early encouragement/advice. I feel a duty to pay that generosity forward.

The Queer community is in a situation now where a lack of mentors has created an impasse, or a gap, between generations. This has resulted in a population unaware of the struggles that came before. We should be building bridges between the present and the past. The more Queer history work I do, the more important that seems.

Describe your perfect day in Edmonton. How do you spend it?

A perfect Edmonton day is spent in my garden with a friend or two.

You visit Edmonton 20 years from now. What do you hope has changed? What do you hope has stayed the same?

In 20 years I will be 78. What I hope to see is a provincial government that has finally stopped fighting Queer equality. I also hope I see seniors’ homes for the Queer elders who changed the world for the rest of us. I hope the river valley is still natural and unspoiled. I hope the Edmonton Arts Council is still helping Edmonton artists contribute to the vibrancy of our city.

Want more YEG Arts Stories? We’ll be sharing them here all year and on social media using the hashtag #IamYegArts. Follow along!

Visit Darrin Hagen’s Vimeo to discover his digital catalogue of new music and art, and be sure to catch his upcoming Fringe 2022 plays: Crack In the Mirror (Varscona Theatre) and Pansy Cabaret (the Roxy).

About Darrin Hagen

Darrin Hagen is an award-winning playwright, author, composer, and Queer historian whose plays have been produced across Canada, in the US, and Europe. Since The Edmonton Queen (published by Brindle & Glass), he has created art that is a unique window into gender and history. During the pandemic, he turned his attention to creating video art and has done a deep dive into Queer history research, including many hours working with MacEwan’s Edmonton Queer History Project.

He has been Artistic Director of Guys In Disguise since 1987, has received 7 Sterling Awards for his work in Edmonton Theatre, and an AMPIA for his broadcasting work. Other plays include, Tornado Magnet, BitchSlap!, Witch Hunt at the Strand, Buddy, The Empress & The Prime Minister, Metronome, and the upcoming Pansy Cabaret.

Together with his collaborator, Trevor Schmidt, he has created a decade’s worth of hit Fringe comedies, including Flora & Fawna’s Field Trip, Flora & Fawna Have Beaver Fever, Dragula, Psychobabble, Prepare for the Worst, Puck Bunnies, Don’t Frown at the Gown, Klondykes, and the upcoming Fringe hit, Crack In The Mirror.

Hagen has been named one of the 25 Most Influential Alberta Artists in the Past 25 Years, as well as one of 100 Edmontonians of the Century.

#yegarts #edmonton #IamYegArts #ArtistFeature #yegtheatre

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attallahmusic · 2 years

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Mr. Morale & The Big Steppers

It’s here. The most anticipated album of the decade.

Last time Kendrick Lamar released an album was back in 2017, when he released Pulitzer Prize winning DAMN. Lamar, being the only rap artist to ever win a Pulitzer, is also undoubtedly an artist whose music you cannot discuss on the first, second, or even third listen. This album needs at least three more listens, a break, and then five more to be fully digested. These are some of my first thoughts when it comes to Mr. Morale & The Big Steppers.

Contemporaries and the value of art

A discussion that is held near weekly within the rap community is the value of art, or different rap genres based on the lyricism, complexity, and message of the songs. In this conversation, Lamar is often revered as somebody to be aspired to, given the layers, care, and composition of his art. In opposition to this, trap and artists such as Kodak Black are viewed very differently. Therefore, the artistic choice to have Kodak Black appear so prominently in the album and the inspirations from his contemporaries really speak to how art can be viewed. Art can be of immense importance, even when it does not fulfil whatever criteria you may have set for it.

Generational trauma, leaders, and trauma

Lamar has previously been critiqued for seemingly viewing himself as the savior of Black Americans, the educator, the leader, the one to break the pattern. While he still brings this up, maybe satirically having his child thank him for breaking generational trauma and thereby not giving his child daddy issues. At the same time he underlines he is not your savior. While his art does bring change, it will not be the end all to political issues nor can he lead everybody to the right conclusion as his forefathers in art couldn’t.

Yes, Tupac dead, got to think for yourself.

Homophobic-ally

Aunties Diaries. What a song. Just as every song on this album, this song deserves to be dissected bit by bit. As a queer person and a huge fan of Kendrick Lamar, this song is very important to me. I have already seen discourse from other queer folks saying they will not listen to this album or this song, because Kendrick does use the f-slur. They reserve their right to feel that way, as well as I was very shocked when I first heard him say it. There is something extremely interesting in using homophobic slur in a song that is heavily pro-LGBT. In this song Kendrick speaks in favour of gay people and trans people, while at the same time speaking of the weight a word can hold, how he himself has to reflect on his childhood use of the f-word. There’s a lot being said in this song and I won’t be able to draw a conclusion on it, but I will say it’s amazing to hear a godly artist paint a picture where he directly goes against the church in favour of his trans family.

There’s a lot more to think about, but please do yourself the favor and listen to the album if you haven’t already.

#kendrick lamar #k dot #kendrick #kenny #kungfu kenny #kung fu kenny #oklama #mr morale and the big steppers #mr. morale & the big steppers #tde #baby keem #kodak black

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somequeerishramblings · 2 years

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Okay, generally specific thoughts on sexuality because I’ve been watching all the queer shows that have come out recently, and calling myself the “straight friend” is starting to feel like a lie.

I’m gonna start with the types of attraction and how I feel about each of them:

Sexual attraction: this is something that I’ve understood about myself for a long time. I rarely experience sexual attraction, especially in the moment. I never look at a person and have sexual desires or wants in relation to that person. However, I do still experience sexual impulses, just not necessarily strong ones. I am definitely not interested in this type of physical intimacy with women, but would like an eventual physically intimate relationship with a man. A lot of it is contingent on emotional connection, which I will get to later.

Romantic attraction: once again, I have never really been the type of person to get crushes and can count the number of actual crushes I have experienced in 24 and a half years of life on one hand. I don’t feel romantic attraction when it comes to women, but do feel some when it comes to men. Every once in a while I will wonder at the idea of a relationship between me and a man, and the idea does excite me, but for the most part I don’t really think about it, and I definitely know many people who are way more romantically inclined than I am.

Now we come to my three favorites:

Physical attraction: this one was interesting to consider, since physical touch is way at the bottom of my love languages, and I sometimes have sensory issues related to slight neurodivergency that mean I don’t always like being touched. However, this is definitely something I’ve experienced. I have certain friends that I want hugs from, that I want to sit next to and cuddle on the couch, and who I hold hands with. This goes for guys or girls or nb/trans folks, where my desire to be physically close to that person has nothing to do with sexual desire or romantic desire, but I want to have physical contact with them. I don’t feel this way about all of my friends, and this is sometimes contingent on their love language being physical touch and my love for them as a friend meaning I want to show them that I care about them and resulting in wonderfully platonic snuggles.

Emotional attraction: possibly my favorite and the one I most relate to, I feel emotional attraction to all types of people. I thrive off of deep interpersonal connection, and having a tight knit group of people that I am emotionally close to is my favorite thing in the entire world. The people in this group do not have to fall into any other category of attraction to be in this one, but I find these relationships incredibly fulfilling and wonderful, and they are some of the most important relationships in my life, if not THE most important. Also, usually my sexual and romantic attraction is more likely to happen with someone I am already deeply emotionally attracted to. Again, though, my emotional attraction to a person is completely separate from the previous types of attraction in almost every single way. This is a reason I relate to (but don’t know how much) the term “Queerplatonic” or “Quasiplatonic.” This also ties in a little to my physical attraction to some people who I’m extremely emotionally attracted to, where the combination creates this strange quasi relationship, where we aren’t romantically or sexually interested, but “just friends” is definitely not it.

Finally, aesthetic attraction: this one is easy for me. I am a visual artist, and I think that people are aesthetically pleasing, regardless of gender. For me this does not necessarily lead to sexual attraction, but I can honestly say that I find women, men, and trans/nb folks to be very aesthetically attractive. This is the extent to which I am able to relate to my wonderful bi, lesbian, pan, and etc friends when they talk about their attraction to whichever gender. I can understand the aesthetic attraction, but may lack the romantic and/or sexual attraction. But I do understand romantic and sexual attraction, so their attraction to people I am not attracted to makes sense.

Me vs. Labels

Now, reading this it may seem clear that there are some labels and umbrella categories that I could fall under (A-spec, asexual, demi/graysexual, aromantic, demi/grayromantic, queer/quasiplatonic), however, after research and personal life experience, I don’t really like the labels. For all that I have defined myself as a cis/het woman for the last 24 years, even that label doesn’t fully fit the way that I am. And as freeing as it has been for my friends and family members to discover a label that describes at least some part of their experience, I am not experiencing that. I don’t want to put myself into boxes with words on them that don’t accurately describe who I am or how I feel about things. Labels can be freeing, but they can also be limiting. Calling myself “the straight friend” feels like a lie, because I don’t experience a heteronormative existence. But I’ve been that friend for so long that even when I talk to my A-spec friends about it, it’s almost like I’m still on the outside of the equation. Because I’m not labeled, I don’t count.

This is something that I’ve only more recently begun to struggle with, despite knowing these things about myself for several years. I’d had conversations with one of my extremely queer siblings about it not long after they came out as a-spec, bi, and gender queer to me. For them, having labels and pronouns and all of those things was freeing, and changed their life for the better. But whenever I think about putting a label on myself, or even multiple labels to try to capture nuance, I get stressed. I don’t like it. I love language, I love words, I want to be a writer. But words are limited. They cannot fully capture what it is to be a person. I don’t want to be defined by words on a box, because who I am and how I exist is much deeper than that.

#somequeerishramblings #queer #lgbtqia #lgbtq #lgbt #a spec #asexual #graysexual #demisexual #aromantic #grayromantic #demiromantic #queerplatonic #quasiplatonic #labels #just some ramblings on my experience #currently feeling outside of the community despite probably fitting within it #no labels

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elfgarlic · 1 year

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Give us a rundown on your OCs for the OC asks- (Name, bio, visual reference if possible, the world around them, trivia)

oh wow i love getting asked this, now i can infodump if thats okay. so i have lots of ocs in different settings, but for now i only have the brain energy to talk about the ones in the forgotten realms dnd setting

(idk how to add a cut, and this may be a bit long, sorry. also contains mention of sex work and some artistic elf nudity, so be warned)

solaxle zhosanzik (they/she)

this is the character i'm playing in an icewind dale campaign. they're a drow circle of spores druid, sof the sseab ethnic group (i have a lot of original drow worldbuilding). sseab culture has different queer terms than any human culture, but the closest english equivalent to her identity would be an omnisexual nonbinary trans woman. solaxle grew up in a large peasant family in the underdark, where they started learning druidry from the fungus people (myconids). she got stranded aboveground after a moon ceremony was interrupted by some mysterious mages, during which they were severely injured and their twin sulisszar was stolen away. before icewind dale, solaxle spent a few years deep in the woods at an inn called the hyacinth, where they did sex work, brewing and fermenting, gardening, potion making, and other odd jobs. she was healing, making money, and learning the local language before leaving north to go find sulisszar.

personality wise, solaxle is very shy, aloof, and rather awkward. they are curious, dreamy, and have a wild imagination. she is autistic and has sotos syndrome and a mobility disability, which means they use a elbow crutches and a walking chair (imagine a wheelchair but with magical legs, a la baba yaga house). their special interests are fungus, bugs, salamanders, weaving, amd thinking up stories about a creature called, naturally, mushroomander. they are semi-verbal and often communicate with sign language.

trivia:

solaxle has many tattoos and piercings, some of the former are magical

like all elves, solaxle is a mesocarnivore, and their fav food is spicy centipedes

she likes to stim by purring, playing with their hair, and being in the water

solaxle prefers to be naked but when they wear clothes they like loose, flowy dresses

una (she/her)

una is a firborc (half orc, half firbolg) bard, and also solaxle's girlfriend. she's a bi-lesbian trans woman. una grew up travelling a lot, between the nomadic orc side of her family, and the forest-dwelling firbolg side of her family. her orc family produced a lot of musicians and , and una ended up settling in the city to study music and culinary arts more formally. she worked as a private chef and a private musician for a few wealthy patrons but ended up getting very burnt out by both their demands and the finicky, rule-bound world of nobility. her last gig was with solaxle's shitty baron ex at his country manor, but her and solaxle ran away back to the hyacinth inn and got into a relationship. now she works as a cook and an entertainer there, enjoying the more relaxed pace.

onstage una has a big personality but offstage she is prone to anxiety and overthinking. she's very caring and feels most fulfilled when she uses her bardic magic to heal people. she's also autistic and her special interests are songwriting, the spices of the world, ducks, and drawing. due to her orc and firbolg heritage she looks kind of mossy because she has both green and brown fur.

trivia:

shoes are sensory hell to una and she refuses to wear them

she can speak orcish, giant, common, drow sign language, and sseab drow dialect

una can play the mandolin, bagpipes, and bodhran

in firbolg tradition, she is vegetarian

i haven't drawn her yet but this picrew by stuffjademade gets the idea decently:

ahmangiara (he/him)

ahmangiara (or mangi) is a silver dragon who often roams around in the shape of a beautiful hunk (species varies). he is pansexual and pretty apathetic about gender but people usually read him as a guy so he just goes with it. dragons don't usually have jobs in the conventional sense, but he is a cleric of the moon goddess eilistraee, who is worshipped by many drow on the surface (drow gods are somewhat localised and they believe that the deities who live with them in the underdark cannot reach the surface, so they have a different set of surface gods.) because he can fly, he acts as a lisaison betwewn many eilistraeen communities. he met una and solaxle at the hyacinth when he was one of solaxle's sex work clients, which developed into a relationship with both of them

he is gregarious, charming, and restless. in his long life he has seen a lot, so he is always looking for something new. he much prefers to solve conflicts through humour rather than violence, especially since he is aware how much more powerful he is than most people he hangs around. he is devout, but irreverent about it.

trivia:

ahmangiara collects art as he travels. not necessarily fancy stuff either

nonetheless he doesn't have a traditional hoard

he lives in a cave high in the mountains, and always smells of ozone

he never appears as a dragonborn, it's just too on the nose

hector (e/em/eir/eirs/eirself)

hector was the first one of the gang who came to live at the hyacinth, and e wont say how e got there first. e are a bugbear, nonbinary, mostly attracted to women. hector is taciturn and quiet and not much is known about em. not having one specific job, hector does whatever needs doing around the hyacinth; maintenance, gardening, anything but front desk. in eir spare time, e loves to play cards and board games with some of the regular guests. hector is afraid of water and the new moon, e cleans eirself with thorough brushing instead.

corncrake (he/she/they)

corncrake is the goblin who works the front desk at the hyacinth. he also does tattoos and piercings for whoever might want them. she hoards genders, snatching any they might come across, and they are aro-ace. goblins tend to treat gender like one big game. approx 20 years before icewind dale, corncrake was born from the cauldron of a wizard and escaped through the greenhouse. corncrale is hector's best friend, and the only one e confides in. she has done many of solaxle's tattoos, including the magical mycelium ones (solaxle's own recipe) on their legs that help the drow with their chronic pain. corncrake is a king of bat toad kitty looking creature.

sirsaecas (ve/vaer/vaer/vaers/vaerself)

sirsaecas is an older moon elf physician and abjuration wizard. vae are nonbinary and abrosexual (or the elven equivalent). after roughly three hundred years in academia vae are now a practicing doctor in the high forest and a regular at the hyacinth, where vae play cards with hector. sirsaecas was the one who tended to solaxle's injuries after the fateful moon ceremony. vae see vaerself as a sort of parental figure to solaxle, and helped them learn how to speak common. sirsaecas is hard of hearing and knows many spoken and signed languages, which is why vae were able to communicate with solaxle. vae are bookish and frank, and vaer bedside manner is a bit brusque, but they are still very caring and take their science/magic quite seriously

#asks #my ocs #solaxle #una #ahmangiara #hector #corncrake #sirsaecas #dnd #drow #elf #moon elf #elves #firbolg #orcs #goblins #bugbear #dragons #dark elf #ask games #my art

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vmures · 2 years

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Stranger Things 4 has me thinking about the enduring power of music, which in turn got me thinking about meaningful albums in my life.

When I was around 5 or so I got a little portable boombox for Christmas one year to go along with the Get In Shape Girls toy set thing. Shortly after this I convinced my mom to get me my first non Disney sing along cassette tape, and that tape was Cyndi Lauper’s She’s So Unusual.

My favorite song was, unsurprisingly, Girls Just Want to Have Fun. And a whole lot of the innuendos and references of the songs on the album went right over little me’s head. But I loved the beats and dancing to it and it stayed in play for quite a while before eventually falling to the back of a drawer. Fast forward a decade and a bit and you find teen me sitting in a movie theater falling in love with To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. I had just started realizing I might not be straight (forgive a kid for growing up primarily in the rural South in the 80s and 90s being a tad slow on the uptake). More importantly, I was starting to realize that being queer didn’t make me some freak of nature that didn’t deserve to exist. That there were other people like me who lived happy and fulfilling lives. The movie ends with a scene that includes both Cyndi Lauper and an updated version of Girls Just Want to Have Fun.

This reminded me that I had that cassette somewhere and prompted me to revisit the album, which suddenly made a lot more sense and was meaningful in very different ways than it had been originally. I suddenly had more appreciation for She Bop, for instance, but my new favorite song was probably Money Changes Everything. I actually listened to that tape enough after finding it again that I wore it out.

I still love Cyndi Lauper (and not just the She’s So Unusual album). I even got to see her live in my early 20s. And Girls Just Want to Have Fun always brings back fond memories, not just of little me or teen me, but also of me singing it with friends at Karaoke in my 20s, me dancing to it at Pride in my 30s, and even just me bopping around my house in my 40s. I have a feeling it will always make me smile. I still jam out to She Bop from time to time and giggle over my teen self’s realization that it was about masturbation. And I still sing along to Money Changes Everything and feel the melancholy vibes of it in my soul. And some of Cyndi’s other songs still echo through my soul as well. Time After Time and True Colors can still make me cry. The Goonies R Good Enough never fails to make me smile (or to make me think of one of my favorite childhood films).

It’s just fascinating to me that all these years later, I can still remember getting that album and wanting to be like the cool woman on the cover with wild hair and style. There are lots of other artists and albums that have made a lasting impact on me, but that was the first. May I never stop wanting to have fun.

What are albums, artists, or songs that shaped you? What might be on your “save me from Vecna” playlist/mixtape?

#long post is long #music #cyndi lauper #music that shaped us #what might save me from vecna #she's so unusual #girls still want to have fun

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ganymede-apathy · 2 years

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Listen, Heartstopper has been my primary focus for the past few days (literally rewatched it so many times I've lost count) and it has given me a LOT to think about, and I desperately want all of my thoughts out there because this show is an absolute MASTERPIECE. So I'm just going to make a list of things I find make the show deserving of highest praise, but also generally try to avoid topics that I find have been talked about in abundance, unless it's a topic that absolutely needs repeating.

∙ Heartstopper season 1 has introduced a new age of purely romantic queer representation, with a lack of over-the-top tragedy (season 2 would be a different story, however). Due to a lot of queer representation in the past often being overly sexualized and/or fetishized, much of queer youth was influenced in some way that the community has had a large issue with hook-up culture. A lot of queer people grew up without proper representation but hopefully now that Heartstopper has begun to set a standard for LGBTQ+ representation, younger generations will have what many of us got too late.

∙ The cast is genuinely some of the most dedicated actors I have ever seen. They are all attached to the story and know and understand their characters so well. They are so aware of the impact they have made with this show and they all want to continue doing so. The world has many amazing and talented actors but the Heartstopper cast takes the cake. They have all done such amazing jobs, and there are no other actors that could truly play these characters as well as they have. Additionally, almost all of the actors came straight from the pages of the graphic novels. That's actually so cool to me that each character had their perfect actors.

∙ This show proves how absolutely important it is to have the creator of the original story involved. Many adaptations fail in this regard, but Alice Oseman's direct hand in the creation of this show has created a flawless transition from paper to live action. She created these characters through her own mind, and her experiences. Nobody could have done it better. And Alice also has always been so in touch/in sync with her audience, as well. We just need to take a moment to applaud Alice.

∙ Something that's been brought up a few times, but genuinely is such an important factor. Not only is the cast actually young enough to properly portray teenagers (Kit Connor and Joe Locke were both still in school while filming this show), but (I might get heat for this but it's true, in my perspective) most of the cast do not fit with the mainstream beauty standards/expectations, and yet they are all such beautiful people. Beauty standards have always been so heavily enforced in media, and I think this show breaks this cycle. Everyone is a different kind of beautiful and this is going to go a LONG way, I hope.

∙ Let's talk about generally how much effort was put into making this diverse cast of characters all have their own stories and obstacles, and yet still make the representation flawless. Viewer interpretation is also so incredibly welcomed. We all can find ourselves relating to one character or another. Some of us have no idea how hard it can be to achieve something like this and make it flawless. Many, many writers/artists struggle with this. Yet, they did it. There's so much character development for each character. And more to come in the future.

∙ Perhaps not the best praise to this show, but still very important in my eyes. The series is such a double-edged sword. It fulfills everything many of us didn't get when we were younger, but we also grieve the lack. In the show, when Nick says "I wish I'd met you when I was younger," to Charlie, that's how many of us feel about this show. So much of my life there was a lack and it's fulfilled now, and that's great, but now there's this void. The show made me think about how much of my life I spent lost. It portrays confidence in who you are but I didn't have that growing up. I always felt like I wasn't seen. I wasn't alone, sure. I had surrounded myself with many people who made the journey bearable, but to the world I was on the sidelines. The show came too late, but I am so glad I endured so I could experience it.

Honorable mentions/short praises:

∙ Guys, Disney is aware that Pirates of the Caribbean has been many people's bi awakening. And they let Heartstopper use the scene with Keira Knightly and Orlando Bloom to PORTRAY THAT. I just think that's so funny and interesting.

∙ The amount of talent these actors had to actually make you feel everything they felt. Every single emotional moment in this show has grabbed me by my throat and made me feel everything. This show has made me feel more emotion than I have in YEARS. That is absolutely phenomenal.

#heartstopper #alice oseman #netflix #nobody is going to read all of this #but i needed to put my thoughts out there #girl help i am sleep deprived and emotionally all over the place

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brotheralyosha · 3 years

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Art does not exist to be evaluated on a scale of “harm” to “uplift,” and if we want to talk dog-whistles, that right there is a huge one: it’s deeply anti-intellectual, and it centers a form of toxic individualism that evacuates solidarity/difference in favor of moral purity.

Also, relevant from other recent intra-community trans Discourse: the fact that something triggered or hurt you, personally, is real— but that doesn’t actually make it bad, or wrong, or Harmful (tm) because you *are not the center of the universe.* Other trans folk who have different experiences of gender and the world might be deeply seen by the art that you think is morally bad and harmful personally. To some extent, we know why this is common: traumatic stress forces your focus to be survival oriented, internal, and evaluative. It’s hyper-vigilance! However, what it is *not* is healthy or productive—especially when turned relentlessly outward to hold others responsible for your bad feelings as opposed to processing them, or saying “ouch, not for me.” (Which is not to say artists shouldn’t be cognizant of other people’s pain and the larger social implications of their work, so please don’t reduce what I’m saying here to “fuck it, who cares.”)

The other huge flaw with “the story harmed me” or flat harm-critique is the lack of acknowledgement that, if we’re using that metric, then your insistence on the story harming you is EQUALLY harming to the other trans folk for whom the piece was a revelatory story, or productive. It’s powerfully self-centered and not feasibly sustainable. This is where the whole “criticism is an art itself and has theory” thing comes in. Because Sedgwick wrote re: queer theory’s internal failings a long ass time ago about “paranoid” vs “reparative” reading practices.

What we saw here was a classic case of destructive/paranoid readings that (1) FORCIBLY OUTED A TRANS WRITER and (2) caused a lot of misery and stress across the board for everyone... but that stress has been processed unevenly. Paranoid readings are also a valid understandable response to a violent world that seeks to harm us! But they close in on themselves and each other like a fucking bear trap. Reparative readings are open to pain as useful and potential, and are by definition attempting generosity.

Generosity in critique MATTERS. And furthermore, here’s where I get mad as hell: direct-effects audience theory has been discarded for like 40 years for a reason, but it HAUNTS twitter discourse like a hideous revenant. This framing of art and culture is very conservative, pretty fucked up, & spooky to someone who does this stuff professionally. If your replies are full of people saying “hell yes this is critical theory RUN AMOK” I want you to think hard about that.

And regarding some subtweets: it is, in fact, some people’s job—a job for which they have trained extensively!—to do critical work. That does not mean your opinion doesn’t matter, but it does mean (as I teach students every semester!!) that when doing heavy lifting with art, perhaps the metric of “who is allowed to speak about rhetoric and discourse” is not *solely* an identity based category. That’s a dangerous game. All of us can read badly, or be missing the background that a piece is speaking from, and being trans is NOT a guarantee against that. I’m exhausted and upset by the idea that we can’t have things that dig into more than 101 level exploration of gender, or our pain and tropes and violence, because it won’t be perfect for Everyone. And a queer woman who has the background to engage with what rhetoric and discourse and criticism do, weighing in specifically on those things, is not out of line—and neither is a trans person speaking to their identity experiences. Both can coexist and be discussed with an ethical approach to critique that is not infuriating.

I’m extremely tired and frankly feel violated by the level of anti-intellectual rhetoric and vitriol that cropped up in this discussion, and I’m not talking about fair critiques of a story’s functions or failure to fulfill those. Shit got personal quick, in unproductive ways. In short: harm-based critique of art sounds reasonable on the surface but its application & implications are intensely problematic and almost impossible to ethically or properly deploy, particularly when applied not to, like, egregious hate speech, but affectively difficult art.

That Twitter Thread (On Criticism), By Lee Mandelo

#yes!!! Y E S !!!!!#twitter #media #literature #isabel fall #lee mandelo

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ialwaysknewyouwerepunk · 3 years

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fine line - a close reading

gonna cry bc i’m at the end, gonna cry bc it’s fine line.

(x x x)

want to give the same disclaimer as with lights up: this song is so layered, so multi-faceted, that i could never hope to give an exhaustive analysis. due to its vagueness and openness for interpretation, i assume that everyone, just like me, has their own ideas about it and has attached importance to it in ways that no one else’s words can or should alter. this song means the world to me for reasons that aren’t necessarily in this post, and that’s how it is with art that touches us deeply. i’ve tried my best to pull it apart, lay it bare, spread it open, if you will, so it’s almost as free as it can be for you all to form your own opinion on it. in the synthesis i will make my own conclusions, but feel free to ignore that if yours are totally different. i’m just one set of brain and heart taking in fine line and projecting whatever i think is right onto it. alright, let’s go

fine line, track 12

sung in falsetto

live version at the form: first verse not sung in falsetto - after first chorus goes into falsetto - like “thinking of her” has summoned her

Put a price on emotion

pouring emotions into the art you create: how much is genuine / how much do you show - line between being authentic to your audience and giving away too much, wanting to keep things to yourself and not feeling truthful with what you’ve written

exploits of the industry: lay your soul bare - or the exact opposite, some pretend emotion - to score that hit

I'm looking for something to buy

cynical. emotions aren’t genuine, right? where can i go buy some?

～ lights up themes. fake life, industry, being a sell-out

You've got my devotion

But man, I can hate you sometimes

“you” = career, music, Harry Styles™. devoted to the craft, to the job, all the ups and downs of it, despite the hardships it brings

“man” is deliberate: can be seen as an offhand interjection, like “man, that’s rough”, but nothing is casually placed in this song. “man” is: The Man, the heads in the industry, the people pulling the strings. The man in Harry, the man he’s been in the media all these years, the part he’s played/had to play, the man that’s in him

⟶ “hate you”: hate for industry shit, self-hate created by having to play pretend (～ only angel analysis, the persona of the Bukowski womaniser)

“sometimes” - it’s not fucked up all the time

“you” could also be a lover, but the sudden “hate” there then would be for that person, which is absent in any other song about them, doesn’t make any sense

I don't want to fight you

And I don't want to sleep in the dirt

like there’s a choice to me made, but he doesn’t want to make it: either I fight this “you” or I sleep in the dirt

“you” as the industry: if he doesn’t fight them, he might end up being a beggar, lose all his self-worth bc he gave in to everything they asked/told him to do

“you” as himself: fight your instincts, part of who you are/the persona. if he doesn’t fight to figure himself out, though, he fears he’ll also lose

“sleep in the dirt” as a sense of rejection, as well

We'll get the drinks in

So I'll get to thinking of her

drinks to cope - falling, only angel, from the dining table - or to be braver and confront emotions better - tbsl

who is “we”? who is “her”?

narrative of “you” as “lover” further disproven: if “I” and the lover get together over drinks and “I” starts thinking of “her”?

⟷ “her” could be the lover, but then who is “you”? the industry? some other person, besides that lover, harry is devoted to? multiple lovers, all of a sudden? no.

⟶ “I” and “you” are all harry, that get to thinking of “her” because she is in daydreams with him. the narrative that harry is fighting a part of him, the persona he has (had) to play bc of industry limits, makes most sense. that persona is within him now, and part of his work, but all of him, “we”, is begging to come into the light - of which she is a huge part

We'll be a fine line

balancing act. let everything coexist but pay attention that those lines don’t get crossed the wrong way. what we are, what i am, is a fine line between what makes us go under and what lets us thrive

we will be: determination to fulfil this prophecy, statement of fact “we always will be”

“we’ll be a fine line”: other way of interpreting it is that on both sides of that line is what entails “we”, all that is harry. what merges on that fine line is where it’s just right, when harry is fully himself in every way

“fine line” can also be an echo of criticism, bigotry, in the style of: it’s a fine line between being simply flamboyant and queer, between dressing like that and people thinking you’re a transvestite or summat (cause we wouldn’t want that, now, would we) - “we’ll be a fine line” could be owning all of it. putting himself in the middle of all those messy lines, as someone queer without a category

Test of my patience

patience with himself - kindness to self - took a long time to figure shit out and it was a challenge

waiting for change: industry and its allowances/openness

There's things that we'll never know

my favorite line

“we” = harry / harry and company / us in general, all of us listening

～ tpwk “i don’t need all the answers”: deep sense of acceptance

peace to be found in accepting this!!

You sunshine, you temptress

“sunshine” - as in all the love songs (blue skies, sunflowers, summer days…): lover - possible that there are multiple “you”s in this song?

sunshine could ofc also be directed at the temptress, still

female “temptress” - “i’ll get to thinking of her” - she - it’s tempting for harry to think of her all the time, to lose himself in the “her” in him

other interpretation for “temptress”: woman he knows with negative influence in his life - resemblance to woman “you flower, you feast”, so echo of Bukowski ～ only angel, kiwi (my sunshine, my love, who is involved with this temptress…)

My hand’s at risk, I fold

⟷ tpwk “dropping into the deep end”

not showing his cards just yet / forfeits

anxious to show all of him, to take the chance, with all the risks and consequences involved

Crisp trepidation

I’ll try to shake this soon

nervousness, anxiety - about (not) taking (enough) chances, (not) laying himself bare (release of the album that reveals much more than before)

“crisp” fresh, this feeling is unfamiliar - change is coming “soon”

sense of agency: I can get rid of this feeling by my own volition and make these changes - hesitant, insecure: “try”

wants to be braver. he’s not going back, but still needs to calmly coax himself further and further into the light, out into the open (“we’ll be alright”)

Spreading you open

Is the only way of knowing you

(can anyone else hear “spread thin” like a whisper under “spreading”? or am i imagining things.)

“you” is back - the only way of knowing “you” is to spread them open - the physical

to spread someone open - very literal, don’t need to paint the picture, or to lay bare, to lay it all out

⟶ “you” as himself - the only way of knowing who i am is by doing this: writing this album, performing these songs, letting others listen in and form their own interpretations, let this world grow where i’m laid bare and OPEN and exist as this person who has issues, who is angry, who doesn’t know who he is a lot of the time, but is still so happy to be here - let it spread and let it all circle back to me so i can grow deeper into myself

We'll be a fine line

We'll be alright

“we” = h & self, h & lover, h & fans

collectiveness from tpwk

(notes on a piano sounding like drops, like he’s emerged from the water and dripping dry)

SYNTHESIS

Everything about this song is plural. Personal pronouns are all over the place. I, you, her, we. The sound is incredibly layered, with Harry’s own voice echoing through its verses like he’s singing to himself in an empty cave. Meanings can be attached to every word like it’s a wax tablet used too many times. What Harry has said in interviews for once holds pretty true to the actual meaning, in my opinion.

“It felt like it described to me the process of making it and how the album felt in terms of the different kinds of songs on it.” (Capital FM)

This can mean a lot of things, and I think it means all of the things, of course. It means Fine Line is a summary of all of his emotions he visited on the album, of the things he’s laid bare. And it means that the actual process was also described, as one that can be frustrating and challenging, with added industry shit.

Harry has expressed straightforward gratefulness to his label for "leaving (him) alone” while making the album and that speaks volumes. This time, he had the chance to make his art without the constant interference of a label, which meant he could weave in criticism as well. “Put a price on emotion” is first and foremost a critique on the industry. It’s the first line of the song, setting the tone for the interpretation of this song is about the risks I took while making this album. It involves criticism on an industry that creates such an atmosphere that only a certain type of music and artist breaks through or can be successful, that limits people in their personal expression. Convinces them that it’s better that way. That it’s better to hide who they love because the general public won’t accept them. That it’s better to create a song about a fake emotion than be honest. Harry loves writing songs and being on stage, but it’s taken a while for him to be fully comfortable there as a solo artist and bloom into the person that could make Fine Line. He loves his career, but it’s also limited his freedom in ways beyond our comprehension, and it’s exploited him to the point where he didn’t know who he was, in ways that have clearly taken a toll on his mental wellbeing. To a point where he finishes this album reassuring himself, most of all, that everything will be alright.

That process of making Fine Line obviously includes Harry confronting emotions he hadn’t before. He has stated that he experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows while making it. There are things he hates, he was fighting but doesn’t want to (anymore), uncertainties he was trying to figure out but had to accept he couldn’t, risks he still doesn’t know he can take without shaking. At the centre of it all is this sense of “knowing you.” The different personal pronouns in the song paint a fractured picture, which is ultimately deliberate. That the “you” Harry is devoted to and can hate sometimes doesn’t line up with “her,” that the end focus does seem to be this “you” that is mentioned in the same breath as “man” and “temptress,” forming the “we” together with “I”.

After having songs like Lights Up, She, Falling and even TPWK, one of the central themes on the album has undoubtedly been self-discovery, in all its pain and glory. There are no female pronouns on the album besides, obviously, in She, and then here, in Fine Line. She is about a man living with a woman “just in his head”, who “sleeps in his bed while he plays pretend.” It is very clearly a trans narrative, the story of someone struggling to put into words what they’re experiencing in terms of gender. To a point that they fantasise about running away. Fine Line brings the ideas of knowing what it all means, which Lights Up kicks off (“do you know who you are?”), Falling deepens (“what am I now?”) and Treat People With Kindness turns on its head (“I don’t need all the answers”), together. Harry is still doubtful, and the questions asked earlier in the album haven’t disappeared, but he has accepted that “some things we’ll never know.” His aim, however, is still “knowing you.”

To have Fine Line, as the summary of these emotions of self-growth and self-discovery, echo that one female pronoun, speaks volumes. It is a direct reference to She, to that story about gender. “Her” in this song refers to “she (who) lives in daydreams with (him).” The one who still only fully comes out when they’ve had a drink. The one he’s still working to include in who he is, as he tries to figure out who he is, all of it. The song where he sings in falsetto, just like on Fine Line. Of which he sang the first verse an octave lower live at the forum, switching between those voices, those perspectives. That’s also why “you” in this song is also Harry to me. We get this fractured sense of self, this “I” and “you” conversing over a drink, this “you” Harry is devoted to and wants to figure out. “You” and “I” form “we” and all of them are Harry. The lines are blurry on purpose, there is no way to figure out where “you” ends and “I” begins.

“You sunshine, you temptress” is the most enigmatic line in that respect, and to me blurs those lines even more between the pronouns. “You” is suddenly also identified by a female noun. And no this isn’t about some kind of love triangle. “Sunshine” aligns with all the odes to his lover in the rest of the album. So what does that mean? That there are multiple “you”s in this song, meaning that Harry is addressing both his lover and a temptress? So “her” he’ll get to thinking of, the only other female pronoun used in the song, is identified as a temptress, but tempting to do what? To take risks? And no I won’t forget the “man, I can hate you sometimes,” where "man” is not a casual interjection but an identifier of “you.”

Or is it an echo of “the light” from Golden’s “bring me back to the light” and Light’s Up’s “step into the light”? So that the “sunshine” symbolises being in the clear, being out of the darkness running through his heart, the darkness caused by not knowing who you are. “You sunshine,” you beacon of light. “You temptress,” risk-taker and source of anxiety. You, one I need to spread open to figure out, to know about, source of happiness and despair, one I’m devoted to but also hate. You, man, you, temptress. You there, in the mirror looking back at me.

All of you, and myself included, we’ll be a fine line. And we’ll be alright.

This song is about all of that. The self in art, the self on its own, the other, the journey, the chances, the fears, the passion. Hope. Reassurance. Confidence. And, most importantly, that everything will be alright in the end.

read all my lyric analyses here

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morose-magnetrix · 2 years

Photo

Excalibur #26 by Tini Howard (writer), Marcus To (artist), and Erick Arciniega (colorist)

Emma Frost: “Betsy, stop this. We need your assistance here, in the real world.”

Betsy: “Don’t. [...] Don’t reduce this to that. As if it’s some fantasy.”

Tini Howard and Marcus To’s run on Excalibur comes to its conclusion in its 26th issue. This series has definitely had its ups and downs, but in the post X of Swords era it’s really come into its own. Knights of X has been confirmed to be the continuation of Tini’s run, which definitely explains why this very much feels like the season one finale of a show that’s finally found its footing, promising more to come.

Things I loved about this issue:

1. It’s so queer! We’re blessed with a Rictor/Shatterstar kiss and moment. We also finally get on panel confirmation of the Betsy/Rachel romance that has been brewing in small hints throughout the run, beginning with Betsy giving Rachel Amazing Baby and continuing with their dance at the Hellfire Gala, as Rachel gives Betsy a kiss on the cheek and talks about how Betsy isn’t just needed, she’s wanted. I know that it isn’t a full blown on the mouth kiss, but I get the sense Howard and To gave us as much as they were allowed to, so I still adored it.

2. Saturnyne’s schemes are revealed. One theme that I have adored in this series is how women deal with misogyny - Roma was trapped under her father’s thumb, Saturnyne is constantly belittled as just a witch, Betsy is discriminated against for being a female Captain Britain. It was really satisfying to see that Saturnyne had worked with Roma to overthrow Merlyn - that Roma was a part of those schemes. It really felt in line with the huge amount of agency that’s been giving to these female characters who are constantly doubted or overlooked by the men around them.

3. Maggie having the emotional intelligence of a child was really sweet - she was scared for her mom! It’s really easy with hyper intelligent children to make them robotic, but I loved that she was allowed to still be a kid AND a genius.

4. The idea that Arthur is a composite of all the legends and stories about him is fascinating. It reminds me a lot as to what happens to those who die in Otherworld and are then resurrected - how they become a mixture of all their selves, scrambled up. It explains a lot about Arthur’s paranoid psychology and the idea that a lot of it is him creating a self fulfilling prophecy about Mordred was interesting. I think it similarly explains Merlyn’s instabilities and Roma’s stability - there are countless of legends about Merlyn, whereas unless I’m mistaken Roma is a unique character to the Marvel Universe.

5. The entire discussion of Otherworld as just some fantasy, that it’s a way for Betsy to escape reality - I think that really speaks to a lot of her character beats. When Betsy was in Kwannon’s body, she went ALL IN on the ninja stuff. Now that she’s Captain Britain, she’s gone all in on the medieval fantasy stuff. I think she has this tendency to just adopt whatever her current role is and make it her identity - she obsesses over things and loses herself in them. Obviously Otherworld is important to deal with, it’s not like she’s lost in a video game, it really is real, but I think it was a great character beat.

6. She’s fighting for a world that hates and fears her. A common critique of the Krakoan era is that the mutants aren’t doing the hated and feared thing anymore - and I think Otherworld is the natural answer to that. Otherworld is where we get stories about how people are scared of the witchbreed, even as Excalibur does all they can to protect them. I also think Otherworld allows for stories that examines an aspect that isn’t possible with Krakoa - what happens when a minority group creates a nation state and seizes land that was previously inhabited. Krakoa has annexed Avalon (and now lost it), which allows for a lot of unique story telling perspectives, especially with the Israel allegory of Krakoa.

7. Gambit fretting over his cats after the lighthouse is destroyed. I love him as a cat dad.

8. Saturnyne continuing to thirst for Brian Braddock.

9. The title change to Knights of X is explained, as Britain is taking the name ‘Excalibur’ back.

Things I’d love to see expanded on:

1. I wish we had gotten more time of Saturnyne and Betsy in the Lesbian Sea of Secrets. Maybe we’ll get some fun flashbacks to that one day.

2. Where’s Mordred? I’d love to see him show up. He’s been such a huge part of the plot with Arthur but has yet to make an appearance.

3. I actually low key would love to see Saturnyne kicking it on Krakoa now? I feel like her and Selene could get together and throw an AMAZING theme party. Maybe slutty tarot? Anyone? Just me?

Verdict: Eight out of ten knights

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