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#i feel like i dont deserve this. i feel like its going to be ripped away from me when i least expect it
melto · 2 months
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my birthday week is like a fight for my fucking life.
#like i dont like my birthday bc i dont like attention and also bc the fact i am still alive when i never planned to be is so heavy#which makes it feel like all of a sudden i have a timer and i need to kiilllmyself#but mostly. The biggest issue is i think of my exbest friend bc it was our week always even if they treated me horrible#and i would just go along with whatever they wanted even if i hated it and i just think about them think about them think about them#and i dont want them in my life but i will talk myself into missing them#and feel guilty like its my fault like i deserved everything they did to me like i should never be allowed to move past it#and then i get so embarassed over how i let them rule my life and ruin so much for me and made me break away from people i care about#but then its like im so lonely at least they were always there even if they hated me#even if they wanted me to be so miserable even if they just wanted to know they would always have someone to push around#And i still have trouble when it comes to food im still scared of opening up to people im still scared of my friends of buying new clothes#somehow everything they said to and about me was true even though none of it is and it hurt me and ruined so much#but i must have deserved it. they were supposed to know me best. and i never have known myself#so everything they had said about me has been true for so long.#every time i have the thought that i miss them i think i need to crash my car#every year it gets better every week it is easier but its been so bad recently its been so bad i feel like pieces of me are falling apart#i dont want to manifest this year it being bad bc its just starting to get easier after my total depressive state but god#im looking at are they made for me years ago and i want to rip it apart but i cant every time i try i almost throw up.#i think im going to throw up right now.#deeply pathetic.#news with isaac
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caffeinatedopossum · 2 years
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Skgkfjf my girlfriend helps me so much I love her so so much >_<
Ever since I told her I thought I was autistic, she's done so much research and really paid attention to what I specifically need and idk she just goes so above and beyond everyday. Like the amount she accommodates me is insane- I wish everyone had someone this thoughtful and supportive.
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thatone-highlighter · 2 years
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“Do you know how tiring it is to have to reforge a bond every single time I change hands? Maybe being the Gem of Intelligence means I have to deal with so many egotistical mongrels one after the other with no breaks in between, and maybe you’re the first to actually treat me like a person!”
Felt like doing something funky for the one year anniversary of @maldito-arbol ‘s fic Ill Be Your Best Friend, second in the Were Just Human series!
Ive done this comic before but i thought it would be fun to do it a second time to compare and its such a good scene overall so. Its crazy that its been a year, it both feels like too long and not long enough. Im so glad i decided to read this series it is so good the writing is amazing and the characters are all so complicated and interesting, and of course all the people I’ve met and become friends with because of it! so i just wanna say thanks Mal, for deciding to write this i guess, this fic has been amazing it was a wonderful thing to look forward to every second Friday and its crazy to think i could have easily never met you or anyone else in the server or not if it hadn’t been for this series. So thanks and i hope this comic shows even a bit of my appreciation for you and your fic
And to anyone who hasn’t read the series, you should!! I Love fic 1 Marcy’s unreliable narrator and her mumbling habit keeping me on my toes trying to keep track of everything. The girls’ powers and the introduction to the gems and everything that happens with that is just *chefs kiss* amazing, and don’t even get me Started on fic 3 i cant even say anything without spoiling! So if you haven’t read it, go read it! Its such a good series and the writing and characters are incredible and agh! And if you have read it, read it again i don’t care its so good i could re-read it endlessly
#i did not intent to get this sentimental in the post but! its fine we deserve it <3#bestie you do not KNOW how hard it is rn to not vauge about this. its a secret its gonna be so cool#hhhaargh! im rlly happy with this comic actually. might put it in the server seprately also becausem#i dont know if tumblr is gonna rip the quality like its done in the post maker i can see every individual pixel its awful#seeing the improvement in my art and stuff from the last comic. that was only feb guys. its been 8 months and ive gotten So much better#so proud of myself besties frfr#i was so terrified i wouldnt get this done in time but i finished this morning i was So happy#im gonna schedule this for when i Think ibybf1 would have come out but i wasnt oaying super close attention to the when at that point#i just knew it was while i was at school and id get home and read the chapter. you see mal the reaidng in class didnt start till we talked<3#feel free to male fun of me if i emd up getting this time wrong. also its gonna be so funny and nerver wracking if we get in vc#and yr reading when the time this is gonna post goes by. i cant wait to see ur reaction to this hehe#almost didnt do this considered doing it in feb for like a one year thing and make it for ibybf11 birthday but nah#len talked me into this im glad it did thanks bestie <3#uhhhm yeah so. hope u like this. hope it makes you all go insane. some of the inconsistencies just Happened some were intentional#Tree Man Posts#duck art#ibybf#wjh#marcy wu#sentimentality#yes im adding that one what the FUCK happened in this post#i think that quote is a good one i already used the nickname one last time#i Could post now but where the fun in that#gonna break down sobbing if Mal’s at work when this posts
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feywildfox · 2 years
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Mm i left bandom space a long long time ago. I mean I'm not that old but ten years ago is still pretty long. And frankly if i overstep lemme know.
Honestly at this point i shouldnt be surprised so many people are actually still inherently racist towards Ray, but also i think, i should be. Because i genuinely expected better from mcr bandom, but again, left bandom spaces a decade ago...
It's pretty sad? Like. I'll admit, I didn't realize Ray was actually a man of colour when i was younger. I think i realized right around the time i left at 15 or so. Which also really goes to show that racism towards him and making him seem as white as possible which definitely i think was a thing. Like in comparison, I knew pete wentz was mixed long before i figured out Ray was a poc. It says a lot about the space at the time and i had honestly thought it'd be better now.
I've loved mcr for years, but i havent been IN love with them for a while. It happens, relationships and feeling wax and wane. But this tour, the excitement and love recently ignited in not just Gerard with all their gender fuckery, but the whole band, has brought a love and joy back into my life for music that hit me in the heart as a preteen and teenager.
And none of that would be possible without Ray Toro putting his all into the feelings and conveying of in his music. Mikey made the band, but ray MAKES the band. He is absolutely fucking integral and it is disgusting & disheartening to see him treated such a way. What the fuck even, hearing that streamers are zooming in on frank during Rays solos?? Like do the fuck better? I'm honestly disappointed as fuck in that shit. Like I know this whole thing is a little disjointed stream of consciousness type post but really. White people do better challenge! Its literally SO fucking easy. The real camera guys are RIGHT THERE showing what to fucking do!
You can love the others as much as you want but jesus fuck give Ray the same fucking courtesy. Stop ignoring your racism, start recognizing the issues that plague you from being white and growing up in white privilege. I sure as fuck still have plenty of shit to work on but at least i can say i can do the bare fucking MINIMUM of giving Ray Toro the respect and attention he absolutely fucking deserves.
Like I do hope this is understood I am not trying to speak over anyone but simply say from one white to another: you need to do better. If that's how you treat a member of supposedly one of your fav bands, i genuinely fear for the poc you encounter in your life. The harm you cause by staying blind may be incremental but it builds up until it's a mountain. Do fucking better.
#not the picturesque emo#fans#its 1 am so this is not. the modt coherent thing but i hope it gets the point across as someone who has been outside of bandom space#i mever realized how big an issue it was but honestly i should have known#im not going point at myself as a pure example of what to do because honestly ive loved mcr from a distance for a while#i have always loved them all but literally its ridiculous coming back ten years later#and finding out that yeah no. rays apparently or whatever the fuck#like uh what. emo is a style#its a sounds a love language a voice for people an expression#sure there are certain clothes or jewelry or makeup that can play into it but NONE of that actually means shit#because it can be turned corpo and ripped up and spat back all sanatized. ray is emo. ray is a man of colour. he's a rock god on the guitar#NONE of that is mutally fucking exclusive! ray toro is just as important as anyone else in the band#ray toro deserves SO much respect and he does NOT deserve to have people claim they are of mcr then treat him like that#you are not an mcr fan you are a pretentious racist asshole who needs to check ther privileges at the fucking gate thank you#fox squawks#im tired and angry now and im sorry to all the poc in the fandom who have to deal w this on a constant basis you all deserve a lot better#im sure yall feel way worse than i do and i genuinely hope people can realize the shit theyve been doing.#i am always happy to go toe to toe w other dumbass white ppl and call them out on their bs#i dont see it because i curate my dash to the point drama is usually a mild breeze at best but i am more than willing to#weaponize my whiteness to force other white ppl to think. if you gotta point me at em do it idc. like a lil attack chihuahua or something.#idk#im lagging now but my fingers dont want to stop typing bc i am nervous abt posting this but yknow. whatever if i fuck up i learn & move on!#we Do Not succumb to white guilt we gracefully say im sorry for that thank you for pointing it out even though you didnt have to i know its#exhausting to do constantly i will keep that in mind and then we do! and we modify our behavior! and we DO. BETTER
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szczylpierdolony · 1 year
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#im so stressed out im so tired ive done nothing and i need to start writing the essays#i have 3 to do plus there are like 6 exams most of which have a lot shit to remember plus im having a psychology short test#and the results of another short test next week and i need to start this economy assignment#and im late almost two weeks with a russian assignment and i want to cry#my meds arent working so im a mess and i stopped taking them bc they give me nightmares but now im having withdrawal and my heart is being#weird and i want to cry i need to kill myself i need to call my doctor#and maybe ask her abt that thing that makes you not have to take all your exams if youre mentally ill#but i feel bad asking for it like its not like im really sick and it feels like im just constantly lying#and she already signed the crap that makes me not have to go to pe thankfully#so i cant go and ask her abt this too like whatever worst case i fail everything and rip my guts out and die#i dont remember when i showered last time and im just so stressed out and i cant do anything productive#i havent been drawing or learning or revising or even doing my reading#speaking of which i have like 300 pages for next week maybe more and i cant take this anymore i need to die#also i think my parents would get mad at me if i said i cant wrote all my exams#bc whatever im not really sick im just lazy and annoying and a bad person and i wish i could get hit by a car so bad i need my head to be#crushed and my brain to get wplattered across the street#also im so gross and sweaty i hate myself sm and i feel so guilty over everything all the time#and them i go to therapy and i cant talk abt anything bc i hate talking abt my feelings its gross and i dont deserve it#i wish there was easy access to guns here suicide would be so easy jesus#and im having insane mood swings again i need to get off social media even tumblr it just makes me feel like shit abt myself#tw suicide mention
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hecksupremechips · 1 month
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"I am not afraid of you at all. I have nothing left to lose. I have power I can use. Nothing you can say or do will ever stop me again" <<< aka the moment from Carrie the musical that makes me lose my shit every time
#the klock keeps ticking#its just the most cathartic feeling ever like the fucking mom is so controlling and its the climax shes losing her absolute fucking shit cuz#carries going to the prom and shes so scared of carrie being exposed to normal people and being accepted because then obviously#she’ll realize just how bad she has it and she’ll want to leave her mother for good and we cant have that#cuz the mom cant stand the idea of being alone so shes bringing out the fear mongering to the extreme#literally like ripping carries clothes off to make a point about how all men will try and assault her#and then carrie just snaps and she closes all those windows with her powers and shes just looking down at her mom#and shes just like. you dont scare me anymore and im gonna do what i want because i deserve to have fun#and like the she eats that pie like a girlboss#i have some pretty mixed feelings about the musical and like this story in general#cuz like i LOVE all the scenes with carrie and her mom but then the other half just really isnt very interesting#so in musical form its like half the songs fuck severely and the other half are so boring i snooze just thinking about them#but still when it hits it hits and you already know what i gotta say as someone whos been raised all strictly catholic#in a controlling environment with a codependent relationship with my mom this specific song feels so good#like yes girl you are so much better than your loser mom i hope she dies im running her over and kicking her#also sue is gay as fuck for carrie in the musical and i approve the final song makes me sob every time
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autism-corner · 9 months
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i wanna talk about the dinner i just had it fucking rocked.
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tabootasaur · 10 months
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...
#im really just ranting so pleasr ignore this post it really isnt that serious i just need to vomit it all out before i crash#i wish i knew who i was i wish i knew who i was going to be who i would havr been before everythong went to shit#before my parents beat my soul into submission before i retreated into myself so hard im killing myself just trying to come out again#i dont know who i am or what i want or even how to begin ttying any of that#my therapist started saying all the same things my dad would say abiut me and about my qork and about my life#id been with her for over 5 years so maybe she is right maybe my dad was right maybe my parents were right maybe i do deserve nothing#i hate my body but my partner says its beautiful i can barely face the day but my partner is happy when i do#they say my parents were wrong in so many ways but why is it taking me so long to prove it#ive been bad my whole life o was a bad kid a bad friend a bad adult but i wanna be goood so bad ii might puke#i know i can be good but why cant i prove it why is it stopping me why cant i push my my brain why cant i hit the override and just LIVE#its hard being 25 when i didnt think id make it to 15#its hard living when all you want to do is give up i want to give up i wish i could and maybe a few years ago i would have#but now for the first time in my life i want to live i want to do good but my brain body and soul have no idea how#i think im autistic and the worst part is realizing how much of me that is how much i should havr been cared for#i have to learn how to live in the world but the world is so scary and it hurts and my therapist talkrd a lot about getting used to it#she wanted me to dive in and didnt understand no matter how many qays i tried to explain to her how much it painrd me to try it her way#i wish i could just do it that i could grin and bear it but i cant anymore i cant just do it#i wish i could just become who i was supposed to be someone without the pain and the torture and the constant berating#someone who can have a job and cook dinner and still feel whole after it all#i jist want to live i want to be good i want to get better and i feel like peeling my skin off my body i feel like ripping out my teeth#it makes me feel awful every time i cant do sometbing because i was getting better i couod feel it and now im in hell this is worse#i feel like im experiencing depression for the first time all over again ivw never been so violently thrown bacj into the pit#please i want out i want to hear creaks without thinking someone is 8n my home i want to clean like someone isnt watching me#i want to move around my home like i dont expect to be graded i want to be able to sleep at night and not have tomorrow ruined by flashback#im so so tired and for the first time in my life o dont wanna give up i wanna be better but i dont know how#every time i try to get help something goes wrong and i run out of insurance soon so im probably just fucked#my antidepressants arent doing shit and my birth control makes everything harder and i jist wish i could take medication and live#im tired im tired but ive been crying in the bathroom for over an hour because sometbing so stupid triggered me#and now im a child again and i have work tomorrow and i cant scream and cry into my partner cause they have work#they work so hard for us and i can barely do a day im so fucking pathetic and yet they stay with me
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so anyone else feel like a ticking time bomb recently or is that just me
#not in like im going to lash out way#but in a everything bad keeps happening to my friends way and i cant do anything#so even though all i do is nothing all day always Im still stressed out#because im like. idk if paranoia is the right word here?? but paranoid that something bad is going to happen to them#and i cant do anything about it#and ive lost all of my ability to comfort people anymore#so now even if im resting im not fucking resting!!!! because im about to throw up from stress constantly#even though nothing is happening to me for me to feel like this#so it feels like im doomed to lose it but I cant lose it because im meant to be holding it together#so im just in fucking purgatory of feeling like the world is ending around me while also just. sitting there.#and people can tell#and the thing is i feel like if i cant provide good enough comfort for them#then theyll leave#so i keep on trying to comfort them when i dont know how#and everytime i have to explain that i cant provide much comfort i want to rip the organs from my stomach#because i know they deserve so much better than me in terms of comfort#but if i tell them they cant tell me about their issues thatll just seem like i dont care#when really the issue is i care too much and hearing them even get slightly upset makes me freak out for like. WEEKS.#even if the issue gets solved/is solved#so its not like i dont want to hear about bad things that happen to them because i dont care#its just that even hearing about it makes me stressed enough#that i can barely get out of bed some days#or bring myself to do basic tasks#or do anything ill enjoy#all because they were upset about something#and ive tried everything except drugs and believe me. none of them have worked and i have not stopped being stressed#and i know its not like i can do substances because. im genetically prone to addiction from both sides#and if i did do that and my mom found out. she already kicked my sister out over dealing drugs. i think she would kill me on the spot#plus i could mess up my body badly and its already messed up and painful to live in enough i dont need more of that thanks#so yeah not having fun here tonight
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arminsumi · 7 months
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"what if nanami saw you like this?"
💗 hubby!GOJO さとる
note : feral trashy smut 🫡
summary : just a thought abt hubby gojo punishing u for flirting with his coworker nanami at a work party...! :(
warnings : 🔞 minors dni/dnr, smut, toys, fingering, spanking, pussy slapping, dirty talk abt cheating on him w nanami, talk abt threesome w nanami, namecalling (sl*t), kinda mean/cold n condescending hehe, some roughness, dirty talk, edging, not proofread expect lotsa errors oopsie!!, not rlly plot just horny
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juuust envision this 😩 it's been a long night out, you attended a party with your husband and his work team... and then he suddenly glareddddd when u giggled a little too hard at nanami's uncharacteristically dirty joke.
so ur husband snaked a possessive hand round ur waist and rasped annoyedly, "i think we'll be heading home early."
and the poor man... he drove home with gritted teeth and a boner poking in his pants.
gojo pushed you into the penthouse with a roughness that made you giggle like a brat... and you kept giggling until he pinned into the bed and kissed u roughly... n that's how u know he meant business. he was pissed off abt smth. u had no idea what!! :( and he just said "panties off, bend over my lap. now. i won't repeat myself."
anddd jumpcut to satoru spanking u while u have a vibrator stuffed so deep inside ur sloppy cunt....
his hands are big, leaving stinging slap after slap, each one harder and meaner and done with more conviction than the last. he makes ur body jolt forward a little. he's admiring the sight of your pussy clenching around the pink toy, relishing in the sound of it buzzing in your leaky hole.
he's refused you his dick for a whole hour now, just occasionally toying the vibrator into your tight squishy pussy and playing with the settings. he's such a child when it comes to using toys on you, he laughs at how weak you become just from some buzzing silicone.
He grabs its handle and grinds it in deeper, cooing into your ear about how you dont deserve to cum because youve been a bad girl, and then getting you close to orgasm just to rip the toy out of your pulsing cunt and plant a harsh slap to your stinging ass.
"nah-uh, no cumming. you hold it in." he seethes. he's not playful or sweet or kind when he's determined to punish his pretty little wife.
and his idea of punishment alwayssss involves edging you until youre nearly crying, sobbing from pleasure. if you try help yourself reach climax with your own hands? oh he'll smack them away and chew you out about it. that's his pussy, he likes to remind you, not yours.
"i told you not to go around flirting with nanami, didn't i? yeah, i did warn you, hm?"
"i wasn't flirtinggg" you whine, "i swear!"
"aw... seems like the only thing telling me the truth is your pussy. i'm sure it's just dying to get stuffed up with nanami's dick, right? you want him to pound you into the bed 'till you break? mmm... but he's a bigggg boy... d'you really think you could take it... hm? you'd probably cry. aw, yeah... i know... you'd just love to fuck around with him, wouldn't you? yeah, you'd just fucking love that, you god damn slut. you'd want us to share your body..."
he's so cold and condescending. and he knows it makes your clit buzz. satoru's not entirely opposed to a threesome with his coworker, actually, he gets off to the idea of you struggling to take his cock.
"this is where you're sensitive, right?" he sharply taps his palm against your pussy, making sure your tiny clit felt the collision. he bullies your pussy with his big hand, sinking his fingers in and out as he pleases, slapping your ass and cupping your gushing pussy.
"such a sloppy fucking mess... all from a little spanking 'n sweet talk? my my... what if nanami saw you like this..." he's knuckle deep, pressing his fingertips into your sweet spot and slowly massaging it.
"... i think he'd help me plug up those holes... give you a good, thorough punishment... hm~?"
he feels you start to shake, and that's when he fucks his fingers hard into your hole. you're split open, feeling his palm flattening against and squishing your pussy, squishing your little clit, making it buzz with subtle friction as he pumps his fingers inside.
"listen to that..." he rasps, pumping his fingers into your hole faster just to embarrass you with the loud, nasty squelching sound. "fuckkkk.... listen... listen to how nasty your pussy sounds for your husband..."
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fettuccin-e · 10 months
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Hey noodle! Congrats babe, you deserve it ☺️ what are your thots on “just a little more” and our messy boy Steven Grant? 😈
Hi Mona!!! omg thank you sm!!! and thank you for requesting!!! and for steven?? PRECIOUS HUSBAND STEVEN??? how could i refuse ESPECIALLY because i know this boy is filthyyy and fucking needy as all hell okay ilysm thank you again!!
Tags: Steven Grant x Reader, afab!fem!reader, fingerfucking (r!recieving), unprotected piv, riding, uhh squirting pls dont fucking look at me i am ashamed, overstimulation, light degradation, so much praise holy shit (w/c: 1.1K)
Prompt: "Just a little more."
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It’s honestly not that Steven likes to edge himself, or has some kind of fucking superhuman stamina in bed with you.
No, you’ve sucked him off in five minutes flat before, Steven twitching beneath you while he whined, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, fuck it’s so good, you’re so fucking perfect, shit-” while he spilled down your throat. Marc never let him live that one down.
But you swear that sometimes, when he’s got his face or fingers or cock buried deep, so deep inside your cunt, Steven forgets that he has to cum at all.
He gets lost in it, mumbling about how gorgeous you are, how wet you get for him, how good you taste. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve cum, how you cry and wail with every orgasm he wrenches out of your heaving body, he just wants more and more and more. Ravenous.
“Steven, please, I ca-I can’t, oh please-” your pussy makes noises that are utterly obscene, squishing against his hand as he works his fingers into you, jamming relentlessly against your g-spot. You aren’t even sure what you’re begging for at this point; for him to make you cum again, for him to fuck you like you’ve been begging for, for him to show some mercy.
But even then, it’s like he can’t hear you, eyes focused on the way you spread and leak over his fingers, mesmerized by the way you clench around his fingers. He’s been like this since the first orgasm of the night, maybe the second, but God, he just keeps going. He keeps pressing soft kisses to your trembling thighs, using his free arm to brace over your twitching hips while he plays relentlessly with your aching cunt.
It’s too much, he’s been at this for too fucking long, God, you’re leaking everywhere, the bedsheets damp with it. He just won’t let up, your beautiful, treacherous lover, and your whole body locks again with the force of your orgasm, the squeeze of your pussy nearly forcing his fingers out.
His gaze snaps up to your face in an instant, and you can hear his voice through the rush of blood in your ears, murmuring, “That’s it, darling, my God you’re beautiful, so pretty, this pussy’s so tight for my fingers, imagine how it’ll feel around my cock, yeah? How much I’ll stretch this gorgeous cunt apart, right love?”
And it’s so sweet, so gentle, the way he speaks to you, a complete contrast to how he rips you apart with orgasm after orgasm after orgasm.
“Fuck me,” you whine, high-pitched and needy, absolutely desperate. “You- you said it, that your cock would feel so fucking good, please Steven, need-need you.”
But all Steven does is chuckle darkly, stretching his fingers out inside you again, and you nearly scream. “Just a little more, darling, one more time for me, yeah?” You can only clench your eyes shut and throw your head back into the pillows.
And when you finally wear him down enough to ease his sticky fingers out of you, you immediately roll him onto his back. If he’s going to fuck you, you’re going to be in charge. You’re going to be the one to make him cum.
You ease his cock into you, hot and throbbing in your hand, and you almost want to cry as he stretches your pussy so good, so perfect, just like he said he would. He moans beneath you, the sound ripping its way out of his chest, as if he’s suddenly realized how worked up he’s gotten himself by playing with your pussy for God knows how long.
You work your hips into his, plunging his cock into you just the way you know he likes. He nudges into your sweet spot just perfectly this way too, and the sensitivity from Steven’s earlier ministrations has lighting arcing up your spine with every nudge, every grind of his cock into your sensitive pussy. 
A mewl escapes you, unabashed and louder than you meant it to,  when you slam down on his cock just right, the hair just above the base of his cock pressed against your achy clit. Steven’s hands fly to your hips immediately, holding you there with an iron grip.
That look is in his eyes again, pupils blown wide and brows furrowed as he rakes his gaze over your quaking body. He punches his hips up, making his hair grind against your clit in a way that makes your head spin, his fat cock somehow reaching deeper into your pussy.
“That’s it, love,” he says, “let me make you feel good. Let me take care of you, fuck, you look so pretty like this, writhing on my cock like a desperate little whore.” Your eyes roll to the back of your head with his words, your hips working of their own volition, on pure instinct as you work his cock into you again and again and again. It’s like you can’t get him deep enough, bouncing on his cock just like he told you to. Making yourself feel good.
When you cum, Steven groans, his fingers digging into the fat of your hips hard enough to leave bruises in their wake as you clamp down on his cock. A shaky moan rattles out of your throat at the feeling, your body aching with exhaustion, your pussy too sensitive as you clench and pulse in his hands. You feel like you could shake apart with the force of it, wrung dry under his unrelenting touch.
“Look at that,” he murmurs, and you open your eyes to see his gaze trained on your pussy, and oh shit, his stomach shines with your wetness, the sheets soaked with it. You’ve never done that before, never-
“Fuck, you made me squirt, oh my God, Steven-” your body burns with embarrassment, and you start to pull off his cock in search of a towel, or something, anything to clean up the mess you’ve made of him. But his hands hold you firm in his lap, using an unseen strength that he keeps under his button-downs and jumpers, his biceps flexing in a way that makes saliva pool in your mouth.
“Don’t you dare, darling,” his voice is a rasp, all dark and ripped apart and feral. Fuck, if it weren’t for the accent, you’d think it was Jake. “One more time, sweetheart, just one more for me.”
“Steven,” you start, but he thrusts his hips up into yours, and the movement of his still-hard cock in your sloppy, sticky cunt makes you choke on your spit.
“Just a little more, sweet girl, just-” he thrusts into you, hard and unyielding, “one more for me.”
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stillfacingthesky · 8 months
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being trans is such a mindfuck. nobody knows who i am. i dont need to come out, im fine as i am. i hide behind my clothes. i dont recognise myself in the mirror. i dont know if i ever will. i want to transition. im scared of change. i want to be seen and known. i am in danger. queer joy is beautiful. i am more open than a queer person used to be able to be. someone like me was murdered yesterday. i saw their face on the news, and the reporter used the wrong name. wearing mens’ clothes brings me joy, and the joy is reminiscent of a little girl. i want to be pretty. my skin doesnt fit and my voice is not mine. im scared i might love my father more. i dont need to come out, i can manage this all. im going to die someday anyway, it wont matter. a kid was staring at me in the bookstore today and i saw my past in their eyes. i wonder if they saw their future in mine. i want to be someones boyfriend. i am my brothers sister. all bodies are beautiful except mine. god created grapes but not wine and wheat but not bread. god hates fags. there is something wrong with me. if i ignore it, itll go away. its not going away. it hasnt gone away in seven years. i dont want to be a stereotype. i love brash vulgarity. my mother thinks i am beautiful. i share her face. i know ill regret it if i never come out. i dont want to waste my life wearing a costume. i dont know if i want to sacrifice the life that ive had for the life i could have. someone out there understands me. someone else would kill me without regret. someone would cry if i was gone. someone would praise my killer as a hero. there are photos and illustrations of people like me in the past. our history has been erased. theyre still trying to erase us. i dont know if the present is worth the future. i want to be happy. i dont feel like i deserve it. ‘female’ leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. ‘woman’ makes me see stars. i am one but not the other. i am the ghost of the person i want to be. i encourage others and love them regardless. i am a hypocrite. ive been in hiding since i was thirteen. i want to be loud. my mother spent nine months creating me. i will spend the rest of my life creating myself. i am scared. i am angry. i am beautiful and sickening and i want to rip my skin apart to make space for something new. my rage is glorious. they will never understand. i do not need them to. i am so lonely. i am an artist and i want to be a masterpiece. they call my creation mutilation. i dont want to make my parents sad. i want my brother to like me. i am visibly queer. that man shouted at me to smile because he was treating me like a woman. what i have right now is enough. i want more. i don’t know if ill ever have it. if i die tomorrow, i will be buried in a dress. it will be a dress that is already in my closet, a pretty dress that i havent worn in years.
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munivrse · 10 months
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brat tamer jungwon 🫢🫢 in this essay i will...
cw: degradation, dumbification, dom!jungwon, one single tap to the face.
“You need to be quiet, angel.”
you couldnt help but moan out each time jungwon put his mouth on your cunt. the way he pressed slow kisses on the inside of your thighs, thumb rubbing over your clit. if we’re being honest, jungwon probably loved eating you out just as much as you loved getting ate out. his eyes would roll to the back of his head as you made a mess on his tongue.
“Won- Jungwon i cant- ah fuck- I dont think i can be quiet-”
jungwon scoffs, “You don’t want to be good for me today? let me take care of you?”
he dives back in, two fingers scissoring your opening.
you whimper out, “Jungwon its too much-”
jungwon looks up at you through his eyelashes, mouth still attached to your clit. he lets go with a bit of a pop,
“Fine. I’ll stop.”
He gets up and starts to pick up your discarded clothing.
“No- jungwon please come back.”
He drops all but one piece of clothing down to the floor. Instead of responding, he climbs on top of you, one knee fitted between your thighs, one hand caging the side of your head, the other is stuffing your panties in your mouth.
“Since you couldn’t keep your fucking mouth shut. Barking out orders like you’re the one in charge.”
His now freed hand is sliding down your body, dancing around where you need it most,
“Like you’re not here just for me to play with. ‘should be grateful i’m even toying with you tonight.”
jungwon stands back up, unbuckling his own jeans, “You take what I give you,” jungwon slides his cock between your folds, using your wetness as lube, “You know what i want to give you right now?”
you shake your head no, whimpering through your makeshift gag.
jungwon finally slides in, sheathed in your warmth and he shudders. his eyes squeeze close and he takes a deep breath before opening his eyes once more. He scans your body this time and under his gaze you feel small. his focus reaches back up to your face.
“if you’re really good for me, i’ll give you a big load, just like you deserve. you want that, baby?”
Jungwon grips at your waist as he’s pushing deep strokes into you. your eyes start to water and jungwon thinks you look prettiest like this. eyes red and sniffling from the pleasure he’s giving you. he wants to make you sob for how bad you were being earlier. he wants to rip every orgasm away from you until you’re mind fucked enough for you to only think about him and the control he has over your body.
he takes your cries as a yes and continues fucking deep into you. you try and push his hands from your waist, his cock nudging so deep into you it almost hurts-
“ah- dont fuckin’ run from it. what’d i say earlier?”
jungwon leans down and puts his mouth over yours, pulling your panties from your mouth with his teeth. he discards them to the side to give you a chance to respond but you cant, too fucked out to give a clear sentence.
jungwon grins, “that works too. repeat after me, sweet girl.”
he sweeps your hair from your face, one hand cradling your cheek, the other leaving crescent shaped indents on your waist,
“You are a good girl.”
your eyes are glassy and unfocused and jungwon can tell you arent all there, but he encourages you with a light tap to your face,
“c’mon baby, you can do it. tell me what you are.”
he stops fucking into you so that you can respond and you mumble your response but thats not good enough for jungwon. his brows furrow and the hand cradling your cheek moves to grip your neck, “Not good enough. again, y/n.”
this time you say it clearer, “i’m a good girl.”
jungwon chuckles in response and starts thrusting into you again, a little faster this time. “again.”
you repeat yourself and jungwon rewards you with a sloppy kiss.
had this dream last night and now im experiencing jungwon brain rot.
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simplysslytherin · 4 months
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Everyone thinks Astarion's insecure about his relationship with Tav because he believes they deserve better. That he's fearful of them one day realizing he isn't so wonderful, so they abandon him.
But, like…what if Tav's the insecure one? Like, maybe they're insecure because they're human. Perhaps they see Astarion conversing with other elves or vampires who are more remarkable than them, so they worry he'll someday leave.
Elves are unlike most races, you may think you are speaking to an adult but be speaking to a child. Elves dont reach full adulthood till they turn 100, then they shed their childhood names and pick a new adult name. Tav was not an elven adult. They weren't even a elven teenager they were 27. Astarion was from their math 239, a fully realized adult elf. While Tav was barely able to go and explore the world under the watchful eyes of their parents. However, they got scooped up by mind flayers and here they were. They wondered if Astarion noticed or realized it, Halsin had very easily. Calling them little one and offering father like protection. Tav liked that it was nice to look to Halisn and have him nod affirmation that yes this was a good choice.
The parent child relationship didn't come to light until Tav got sloppy and accidentally called Halsin "Da" in elvish during dinner one night. Shadowheart spit out her drink, Astarion looked relieved while the others looked confused.
Halisn sighed and said, "not long ago I prayed to the oakfather for a child and he delivered just not in the way I expected." He had put a large hand on Tavs shoulder as he said it, to Tav's embarrassment.
It added to Tav's worrys that they would all find out they were just a child blindly leading the group.
It especially stung when Astarion had to use his flirting skills to get the out of several tight spots. He could have anyone, he could certainly find a more capable partner, not just a convenient blood bag.
Tav had been anxiously waiting for the other shoe to drop since Halisn had revealed their parent child dynamic. It had been weeks.
"For the love of the oakfather stop pacing child." Halsin's voice stoped Tav short.
"Da."
"What's troubling you. Come you can tell me."
Tav looked around before switching to Elvish, "Its Astarion, he says he has something to confess."
Halisn nodded for Tav to continue, "he must of found out that I'm not an adult. He's probably disgusted I've tricked him. And and he's gonna leave me." Tav started crying at some point.
"Astarion isn't going to leave you." Halisn said opening his arms.
Tav ran into them hiding their face. "You don't know that. He probably hates me know he knows my secret!"
A new voice cut through the air, "I could never hate you darling. If anything I'm worried you'll hate me."
"'starion?"
"May I?"
Tav was shifted from Halisn's arms into Astarion's. "Lets go somewhere a bit more private my love." Astarion walked off carrying Tav, "I don't want your parent to rip my throat out."
After he put Tav down he held their hands. "There is nothing you can ever say that will make me stop loving you. Nothing Tav. So don't be afraid to tell me what your secret is it can't be worse thsn mine."
"It is! I'm 27." Tav let the words hang in the air. Like a confused puppy Astarion tilted his head.
"127?" Tav shook their head, "you have so much time." He breathed.
"So much time to hate me for taking advantage of you. I had a plan a nice simple plan. Seduce you, sleep with you, manipulate your feeling so you would never turn on me. Then I started to genuinely feel for you, and my nice simple plan fell apart."
"Astarion, you don't hate me?"
"What!? No! Don't you hate me?"
"No. I'm upset with you but I coukd never hate you."
"I'm also upset you didn't think you could tell me your secret." Astarion hummed. "Perhaps a late night strole just the two of us could help make it up? And we can continue this conversation when you've dried your face."
"I would like that."
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starwikia · 2 months
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suicide cw
look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am. 
ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.
this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.
He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!
you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.
it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions. 
what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT. 
am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!
yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).
The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.
#warning: do not read this post if you want me to be nice to james somerton. i am extremely mean in this post.#before anyone accuses me of shit i legit never contacted him myself or anyone involved. i am someone who witnessed this behavior repeatedly#again. i hope hes alive and well. the fact is him lying about this WOULD BE THE IDEAL SITUATION. BC NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH THAT. but.#he HAS to forever be the victim in his eyes. attempting doesnt automatically mean youre free of sin.#its just terrible to see that regardless whether or not he did do it#its very clear his attempts to run away from his consequences are working on some people#we need to acknowledge that if your shitty ex friend can weaponize a threat to kill themselves#so can this internet person after being called out for horrendous shit#like what was the alterative? what were people supposed to fucking do? be nice about it?#yeah as if poc and trans women arent historically given shit for being 'too mean' about wanting justice.#this isnt just the plagiarism this is the fact a white dude has been parading himself as THE speaker for the gays(tm) but has been using hi#gayness to shield himself from his misogyny racism transphobia and antisemitism#its very clear regardless this means that ppl r going to side with him and then give him benefit of doubt#if you cant handle the heat stay out of the fucking kitchen dude. this is the consequences of your fucking actions.#hes a disgusting person who cant handle being told no so hes going to drag everyone down with him#like. idk this entire situation is frustrating to me.#its also frustrating ppl trying to be moral abt it like 'see! i knew this was bad all along!' no you didnt. shut it.#for the record im like mainly talking abt twit watching those spineless uwu cutesy ppl basically saying hes done noting wrong#oh and also alt righters who are clearly weaponinizing this where u know they wouldnt give a shit if a right ytber did this.#james somerton#idk might delete this later its just. ugh...
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