how do u know what u wanna do with ur life

happy 31th birthday louis! love you ♡

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going to keep this vague on purpose but playing reload has reactivated brain chemicals in me that i forgot i had.

i think i'd want to make a more thought out post later, but i think my favorite thing about reload (aside from seeing minato in full HD glory) is how much it's made me think about video games as a storytelling medium- specifically with what mechanics and game design imply for characters.

there's a lot of quality of life features added to reload that help players easily enter a flow state and get immersed in the gameplay (most notable with tartarus)! which is so dope! reload has been such a nice blend of the mechanics from both FES and portable and it feels like a love letter to persona 3 fans.

there are definitely mechanics i miss from FES (minato's ability to wield multiple weapons being one of them). i can't deny that FES has some dated mechanics that don't necessarily feel fun for the player experience... but!

i think i mostly miss things from FES because i feel like so much of minato's characterization (for me) was informed by the gameplay experience and mechanics (e.g. fatigue system). obviously there's still other ways you can put together his personality (his dialogue responses), but i think game mechanics are a bit part of it, for me.

but in spite of that, i think reload is a really nice introduction to persona 3, it's so much more accessible and has a bunch of things to help make it more fun :) so far i think i'd recommend it to people :D

trying to figure out how to draw na'vi

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uh oh i feel like i have a deeply maladaptative response to people knowing Literally Anything about me it's fine it's fine i'm handling it very well

sometimes i need to remind myself: of course i am still learning how to be a person. there has been so little time, so little opportunity. and, this may be hard. i may often feel lost. but there is joy here, too. in living. in learning. in becoming.

Adults stop telling kids how much "adulthood sucks" challenge. You might be jealous and nostalgic but you never know which one of those kids *already* has an awful life and can't stand the thought of things getting any worse

Btw, if you are that kid, it doesn't get worse. Adulthood actually gets much better, don't let assholes scare you

wiki how do I stop spiraling about my life once every 2 weeks I'm getting sick of it

how do u reject someones advances without wanting to throw up everywhere

Cis straight people will look you in the face and swear up and down they support you but the moment you even dip a toe out of the surface level "hows the weather today" bullshit conversations suddenly they get uncomfortable and they can't seem to figure out that they obviously have hella homo/trans/queerphobia to unpack.

🥴🥴🥴

mm vent

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Its so hard to get the people in my life to understand that despite what they want to think, I've changed since I got diagnosed w AuDHD, and it's even harder bc I don't want that to be true y'know? Like my biggest struggle is the skill regression that comes with learning to unmask, and I honestly didn't even really connect that I was struggling with it until recently. I went 16 years masking and hiding and ignoring the fact I was struggling and when I finally got diagnosed it's like all the things that got pent up started rushing out and I no longer had the control or leash on myself that I once did.

It's like- I was making myself smaller than I was when I was masking, and I did that for 16 years straight, my container was smaller than everyone else's and that made it 'easier' in a way to fill it up w the skills I needed to live, but then I got diagnosed and it shattered a wall in my container that I didn't know was there, and what used to nearly fill up my container now barely fills up anything. What used to be easy for me is now ten times harder.

And I'm so aware of it at this point in my life, bc I'm still adjusting to myself, I'm still trying to figure out how to navigate my life in a way that accomodates the skills I have now. I started college classes last semester, and I struggled way more than I ever expected to bc I'm still operating under the skills I used to have, the ease that used to come with everything I did. And it makes me feel like a failure, because I should be able to do the things I want to do right now, if I had attempted this when I was 15/16, before I was diagnosed and started unmasking, it would have been easier.

And it's not that I regret my diagnosis, I'm not upset about being autistic, I just miss when my container was smaller and I was blissfully unaware of it