#i dont actually mind it the way it is rn i just think its a little silly. i dont feel strongly about this but im sure they will find a way
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ough.... why do i have a crush on this person i think i'm going insane
geez... how did this happen.
my anxiety is all over the place but i'll enjoy the happy feelings while i can ♡
#( 💭 faun thinks )#last time i had a crush on someone it uh. did not end well. so i'm anxious#i actually dont get crushes on ppl very often#love to flirt w/ people in a silly platonic way but now..... ough...#my heart of hearts is being silly#anyway dont mind me akdjdj#i get shy talking abt these things actually....... its one thing to think ppl r cute and wonderful platonically#but romantically? ahhh......#oughhh#i am a mix of delighted and insecure bc on one hand... im kind of cool and likeable... maybe#but on the other hand... 😭 i am also just a silly guy#a bundle of anxiety tied together in a pretty lil bow to distract from The Mess#this is why i've been in boy mode lately btw...#i like a girl and my brain wants to be her boyfriend and does a switchy flippy 💔#delete later#probably#i'm being so silly rn#taking up all my thoughts....... geez
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[pained wailing emoji]
#.pdf#rd#THE REST OF THIS IS JSUT ME WHINING. FEEL FREE TO IGNORE#i dont wanna go to work ‼️‼️‼️ i feel like i am nearing a breaking point i am sofucking burnt out#every time i go to work. my brain gets Scary at me. stresses me out. dont like it ☹️#im supposedto be going in tonigjt but im dreading it sososo much#my work hour options have changed from “fully flexible” to “7am-9pm only” whcih yeah i know that doesnt sound that bad. but i have non-24#(circadian rhythm disorder that makes me sleep progressively later every day circling fully around the clock over ~3 weeks or so)#and bcos of it often i have to force myself out of bed in what my body thinks may as well be the middle of the night just to get to work#and then i dont ever get enough time to recover from that to actually let my sleep fall back into its natural schedule wjich is the only#time i feel properly rested. so essentially im chronically sleep deprived which is making me chronically stressed and way less productive#i just reslly really want to fucking save up a little money and just Not work for a week or two. bjt. with my sleep bullshit i cant really#work enough to be able to put anything aside. at all#so. kind of an unrealistic desire i guess. lol#ive been feeling like this ever since like early january when i was told i ahve to stick to a more normal schedule. & its only getting worse#idont know i just wishthere was something i could do that was fully flexible on timing but also doesnt havw the kind of workload that would-#-stress me out like basically anything with longer-term projects so ykmow Most flexible schedule jobs.#i do have one thing in mind i could do on my own but its dumb and probably wouldnt make much money and has startup costs i cant afford rn..
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so how do I reconcile with just having big baby loser brain that decided I'd be mentally ill and perpetually stuck suffering instead of having just dealt with my shit in a more normal way? or is there some neuroscience that can explains that I don't have a cringefail brain but it's actually something else??
i mean. it's shame. shame I feel for struggling with things i consider i shouldn't struggle with, which i guess is kinda stupid bcs when i take a step back i realize it's understandable that im struggling with certain things ive lived through. being stuck in them doesn't entirely make sense, but I'm willing to accept that my past shaped me. not to mention that I'm also somehow kind of constantly going through really hard situations on top of also dealing with my past? but it also all (mental illness and emotional sensitivity, I mean) started with something, and my early childhood was my parents getting divorced.
but I consider that banal, plenty of parents get divorced and it doesn't mean their kid suffers from treatment-resistant depression and ptsd. I guess divorce is so normalized now that i don't consider it a valid thing to be traumatized over, at least not to the extent to which ive experienced symptoms. but I was separated from one parent, always missing one or the other, without any explanation that could make sense to a child's brain about why any of this happened and why i have to suffer because of it. can I get rid of the shame by validating the struggles I went through? would that make me feel better about having been disabled by my life experiences?
#personal#me#mental health#i don't mean this as an insult to other people who also struggle with the same shit i struggle with#its just rn im in quite an awful state and its a question that keeps replaying#but writing this out did make me realize how cruel it is to think this of myself ig#it doesnt make the thought any less extant though.#like is it that my brain and biology were structured this way? did i have a predisposition and then life events made me develop like thi#this*#its also possible its autism. but i don't know enough to know how to cope with that either.#from what I've gathered it means i actually have a genetic difference that made me more vulnerable to emotional difficulties?#i dont know what the point of finding out the answer to this is either. i guess to justify why its okay for me to be like this.#because so far it doesn't seem right. it doesnt make sense that i have this many mental issues.#maybe my expectations are unrealistic.#idk my psych at some point said i have these things in place so i wouldnt just fully lose my mind.#and i thought id gotten to a place where i didnt need dissociation as a coping tool anymore#but then more things that are super overwhelming keep happening in my life#and chronic pain plus sensory issues arent things that make you want to be present in your body either tbf
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lalo salamanca is my quirky babygirl and nacho varga is my poorest kitty meow meow. theyre jumping into the ceiling together <333
#99.txt#i LOVE when nacho jump around <3333 hes SOO catlike to me#and lalo also jumped in the ceiling...#theyre both smart but stupid in different ways#lalo is rly observant but also irrational. he doesnt care abt thinking anything thru hes literally just being a quirkygirl#and doing whatever comes to mind#nacho is rational but naive... he thinks things through but its often too optimistic#lalo is like a manic pixie dream girl TO MEE#and nacho is so gay coded... to me.... im somewhere in season 4 rn i think ?? no spoilies#but the fact that he always has these hot women in his house but doesnt rly give a shit about any of them..... its all like this appearance#of a cool gangster character. that he really isnt at heart#and his fucking closet all black and red like shadow the hedgehog.....#also he has the gay ear pierced. i dont actually know which one is the gay ear but i decided its that one
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Hi there! First thank you always for translating the Rebecca interviews they are really fun and interesting to read. Seeing some of your comments you made about the Korean Dannys views on romance/homosexuality I was curious. When I first read the novel which was a long time ago, my interpretation of Danny and Rebecca’s relationship was 50/50 maybe really lovers but could also just be some type of non-romantic attachment. After watching the Korean production I feel that there’s a stronger implication of them being lovers. Some Rebecca fandom friends that I know are on the skeptical side I guess about them being real lovers so this is a topic that interests me. I was curious do you think you would’ve still thought of Danny and Rebecca as lovers if it wasn’t for the Korean production/Ock Joohyun? Really wanted to know your thoughts about that! Actlly I want to think of them as lovers but like if asked to defend why I think they’re lovers I’m not sure I’d personally be able support my view properly with evidence or anything since I’m not the good at analysis type etc haha. I hope this makes sense? Thx
Tbh it's kind of hard to say I feel that way 100% with no bias but,,,
(lol under the read more bc i ended up rambling)
Actually, the way I got into Rebecca was I discovered joo hyuns performance > i read the wiki > i watched a subtitled version of the german performance > I watched the Korean production > then I read the book > then I translated the Korean script further and read interviews.
Joo Hyun's performance was only just her singing the Rebecca long reprise at the top of act two, it wasn't really a song that incredibly showcased her interpretation or feelings towards the dynamic between rebecca and danny. when I read the wiki I was already thinking danny and rebecca sounded gay as hell and even watching the albeit reserved german production i felt like the specific situation that danny was found it alluded to that lover dynamic. like im a lesbian LOL so I kind of immediately went hey theres another lesbian right there. When it came to how maxim talked about rebecca it only further cemented in my mind that rebecca was also a lesbian. so like even from the german production, i felt that rebecca and danny were lesbians and had something together. now whether that something was balanced is another story, but i deff in my heart knew that they were some kind of secret lovers.
i don;t think in my mind that i ever had any doubt that rebecca and danny had some kind of more than mistress and servant relationship, and i dont think that i ever doubted that it was ever one sided. idk i just felt it in my gut. But i also moved on from the german production quite quickly when i got a copy of the rebecca production. that initial feeling of theyre lesbians really bloomed into oh they really loved each other when i got to the korean production and joo hyunie was pulling out all the stops. like the way she was acting,,, there was this palpable sense of love, the kind of love that felt equal. i've also talked about this before in one of my review essays (on my writing blog) but i think the contrast of her age against the older german dannys did a lot of work to bring that love closer to "lovers" and a more balanced dynamic imo.
i remember talking to a german rebecca fan and they talked a lot about doing a lot of contextualising and rationalising, trying to bend the script into a way that danny and rebecca were something in a mutual sense. i remember being really confused about that. like they had to put a lot of mental energy into rationalising that they were "mutual lovers" whereas it felt innate to me that they were.
Re: the age contrast. When I finally got to reading the book as well, in my mind i thought danny and rebecca grew up together as children (the line where danny has been with rebecca since she was young). also please note that i'm asian so like cultural aspects of rebecca flew over my head at times, but when i read it thats what i thought that line meant. but i talked to a european rebecca friend of mine and they said danny is referred to as governess and usually theyd be at least like 20 so when danny says she was with rebecca since childhood she meant in an overseeing kind of way; child and carer relationship. me not knowing that cultural thing impacted the balance i saw in their relationship which is why its also interesting that a lot of the korean dannys felt the same way i felt.
i haven't read the korean translation of rebecca so i dont know how they translate that cultural aspect/line but joo hyun, shin young sook, jang eun ah and kim sun young as i have just discovered all thought that danny grew up with rebecca. that her mother was rebecca's nanny and because of their close proximity grew up together. even before reading the interviews where these dannys said that, i also thought that was the case. so maybe its a culture thing?
but because of that, the relationship felt balanced enough that i felt like it was mutual. compounded by the more emotive ways that joo hyunie was expressing just how much she loved rebecca, it felt like a no brainer to me that they loved each other exclusively. sure rebecca was out and about having sex, but it wasnt sex out of love, it felt like sex out of fun or a habitual need, it felt like it meant entirely nothing to her. ergo her "love" (the kind beyond just physical sex) was only for danny. ive always felt very certain of that.
i think your feeling of not being able to defend danny and rebecca mutual relationship is understandable. there's so much ambiguity in the original text that its difficult to say that this thing points directly to this, or lots of lines could mean different things to different people. i'm always the opinion of rebecca is a mirror and depending on what themes or ideas or messages that u pick up, it's really just a reflection of what u want to see most. now whether i agree with another person's image of rebecca through that mirror is an entirely differnt matter, but i can't help but feel that way with danny and rebecca. its like,,, all i can say is, have you looked at them?? dont they seem that way to you??
lol im sure if i put my head into it i could make an essay to "prove" that theyre in a mutual relationship, and i know theres plently of evidence that i could pick out, but the gut feeling has been there from the start!
#lmao not sure if this was entirely helpful to u at all since its really just a gut feeling#but ik that gut feeling isnt like a delusion either it exists i just dont have it in me to pick out concrete evidence rn#also i strongly feel this way mostly just to the korean production#i feel like the book wants to have a discussion more than just danny and rebecca if theyre mutual or not#i really like the ambiguity of rebecca the novel as a whole so im not really of the mind the try bending over backwards proving their#relationship in that either#i think it only features so prominently in the musical because of what themes they picked out of the book to create a musical narrative#if u asked me to watch the german productions and based on their performance if it was mutual or not i wouldnt be so quick to say yes it wa#mutual as i would with the korean production now that i have hindsight lmao#actually theres smth interesting about all these adaptions and productions and how that relates to that are they mutuall lovers question#that i would like to talk about but i think this is getting long as it is#generally speaking i do think theyre mutuall in love but for different iterations i think that degree shifts between mildly disagree to#110% strongly agree#illa answers#rebecca#rebecca das musical#rebecca korea
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more transition rambling
as upset as i sometimes get about not passing, i still love what transitioning is doing for/to my body so much. like i never get sick of seeing how hairy i’m getting, i’m impatient for more facial hair and so excited to have stubble and one side burn (and i would love for both side burns to come in.) my chest hair has started coming in the past few weeks and THATS been a thrill.
every time i hear myself singing and actually like how i sound? every time i laugh weird and sound like my brother, who i love so much? every time i see a friend for the first time in awhile
it’s just, life has been so hard for like, a year and a half now, and while i do think i’m finally on the upswing, there’s a lot of new trauma to deal with. but one thing i’ve learned from all this is how to take care of myself so, so well. i can love and care for myself now in ways i never imagined being possible. and having a body that actually brings me joy makes that so much easier.
and like, it’s especially resonant to have a body that actually brings JOY when i’ve had chronic pain since i was 12. when this all started because i got a new disability. my body can do less and hurts more and i still love it more. its harder to care for, but i’m trying harder.
transitioning has saved my life in SO many ways i could not be more grateful that i finally did it
#separate ramble for the tags:#i deactivated my twitter for a day and realized i could just. not bring it back#and so i didnt! and while i will pop in occasionally so i dont lose it permanently and to check in w people and there and such#it is kinda nice. its also very weird#i also deleted the tumblr app#so i cant just like share every random thought i have with the internet#and i WANT to so badly i am so used to it lmao#but i think practicing being more intentional about what i share online and like breaking that habit of tweeting everything is good for me#even if its not permanent#but hell it might be!#i havent done a great job on breaking the scrolling habit bc i still have instagram for my sibling gc lmao#but reels are. way less engaging than twitter so.#reflecting on it though has made me realize like my memory is so bad and one reason i tweet so much is literally as a Record#but its like alright well maybe a Journal would be Better#and accepting that its ok to forget random thoughts i do not need to preserve every little idea i have#reflecting on internet habits on the internet is very online i admit#but i dont mind being online im just trying to find a way to do so that doesnt break my brain so bad#which is why this is on my mind rn bc like i do genuinely enjoy doing a little blog every so often lmao#might branch out and start actually blogging/writing about my interests too
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i know tumblr hates taking good ideas from its current userbase rn but just a thought: if someone reblogs a post from you with an addition, and mentions you in that addition, perhaps that could be collapsed into a single notification?
#toy txt post#alth ig you could say the same about when ppl like and reblog the same post from you. which. i mean. maybe?#idk#i dont actually mind it the way it is rn i just think its a little silly. i dont feel strongly about this but im sure they will find a way#to update it that makes me develop strong feelings about the topic#WAIT i just. yeah. okay. i do have strong feelings about this:#DO NOT add notifications to the notification page that are random ass notifications i didnt ask for of shit i dont care about#ie fb ig twitter. and their constant notifs of so and so posted this so and so liked that so and so added to their story#and listen. i love my friends. but this is taking up the Entirety of my notifications. this is not what i have notifications on for.#the notification page is for seeing interactions w the posts i made. and the feed is for seeing the posts my friends made. and their likes#should be private for them unless they opt to share them and even then on tumblr i dont look. feels weird and invasive i hate it#so okay yea i do have strong feelings about notifs: do not ever fucking do what i described above#and if you feel you Absolutely Must Switch to such a system (WHY? DONT) then AT LEAST. MAKE IT LIKE A SEPARATE TAB OR SMTH. LIKE HOW THE#MESSAGES ARE A SEPARATE TAB.
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ohhghh i hate the scout achievements so much i cant get them. but i want the fucking milk bottle. so i can do the funny pose .g And i mean im not new to this game this is my second steam account
#150 hours into this game i expect to be at least decent. and i am? sorta?#i guess ????#and i shouldnt be comparing scout to medic but i do waay. way. way better at med#like i will Beat the crap outta you#but as scout w double jump and speed i still get trapped#i think its because i play too. forward(?) like im running in there like i can just will them to die#when scout is more of in MY mind a support-offense. follow the soldiers and pyros out there and pick out the scraps thatr still standing#oh this is getting long. but im sick rn so you Have to read all of this you have to#in alot of vasual servers though our soldiers and demos dont really go. like im pretty sure its a coordination problem#(absolutely not trying to hide the fact i suck ass)#anyway . i can kill a scout way faster and more efficiently as med rather than scout.#and alot of my problems lie w like the fact that i Love jumping and not staying still at all (but to the point i cant even goddamn aim)#i should go mge sometime.#just scared to people beating thr shit outta me#did you Actually read all of that? holy crap. wanna kiss (PLATONI#text
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idk i feel like everyone would be so much happier if u just minded ur business and let ppl get on with who they are
#like i soooo don't care just let people do what they do and be who they are u dont need to#b making a callout post for ppl just living their lives n somehow that makes u feel victimised#just be open and take people at their word???? dont challenge ppl abt their own identity dont bring up politics and discourse#when someonr is just like. trying to be comfortable w who they are its so counterproductive and unnecessary and SO terminally online#'i wish yall would learn ur history' girl i communicate with the elders irl DAILY and they do not act like u r acting rn#knowing textbook info abt shit and acc communicating w people from other generations r two separate things#idk idk#sometimes other parts of tumblr (non-fandom) leak onto my dash and im reminded of how. ridiculous it all is#like turning on eachother.......picking EACHOTHER apart.....that is NOT the enemy its soo si so so so stupid#sowing distrust and seperation in a community instead of standing united against the ACTUAL oppressor...blows my mind truely#these r the same ppl that would callout an elder for saying something problematic that they used back then but we dont anymore#like it doesn't work like that#💀💀💀💀#u cannot b acting like this fr#just listen to eachother#b like oh that isnt my experience but i understand and i get why you feel that way#sooooo many things determine how we are and what we do the main thing is to just be. open honest and non judgemental#telling eachother theyre wrong for being like they are is just doing the same thing the oppressors are doing#just think ppl should b more mindful abt what discourse is acc appropriate and productive#what is actually worth criticising and what rly isnt that big of a deal and should absolutely not be getting more attention than the former
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thinking about yoohankim again
#straight up i dont even think theyd be in a like. idk the word. normal relationship. lmao#like theyre all so definitely in love with each other and would do anything for eachothwr but like#but idk if it would even be in a completely romantic sense i think the lines are like incredibly blurred for the kind of love thwyre in#ITS HARD TO PROPERLY ARTICULATE MY THOUGHTS ABOUT IT RN maybe ill write a real post later idk#yoohankim is just soooooo#i love you id do anything for you i literally changed and fought against thebworld for you i exist Because of you you are the reason im aliv#there is no reality where we wouldnt meet anf depend on each other.#but these feelings i have for you go so far beyond romantic or platonic theres no use defining it#if you fell in love with someone else i wouldnt mind because it wouldnt get in the way of what we have. what we have is different#its special#they would never let each other go they would make out sloppy But I Dont Think Theyd Get Married#or like whatever#i dont think they would ever refer to each other with pet names/as their significant other in anything other than a teasing way#it just goes so beyond like everything I DONT KNOWWWWWW#sometimes i see fanart of them being so sweets and its like awww this is so sweets vut i dont think itd actually happen#DOES THIS MAKE SENSE. WHATEVER#i think thats another reason why im such a joongdok hater I DONT THINK THEYD BE IN AN ACTUAL RELATIONSHIPPPPPP#THEYRE YAOIFUL IN A DIFFERENT WAY IM SORRYYYYYYYY#just because theyd have insane gay sex does notttttttt mean theyd tell each other i love you#2 me#if you think different thats fineeee it IS cute and i see where youre coming from i just disagreeeee its whatver#omniscient posting
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played some more mother 1 i died to the magicant dragon like seven times in a row . awesome
#last attempt ana died turn one i just gave up after that#i dont want her to lose out on the exp… plus shes rhe only one w superhealing in case someone else goes down#ive heard it can get oneshot if u just use a superbomb but part of me wants to actually beat it#idk#seems pretty impossible at the level im at rn tbh i might just give up and do that#i got lifeup beta on ninten before one of the attempts on rhe way to the dungeon thingy but i reset the game after i died cuz i didnt#wanna lose the money i had on me and i still havent been able to learn it again -_- really annoying but also it hasnt been too necessary#since i gave evrryone h2o pendants and started setting up psi shields turn one#honestly the biggest issue is the physical damage (its pretty much guaranteed to oneshot ana even with boosted defense)#only way to combat that is just grinding i think which i dont really wanna do since the best place#just based on the general feel of enemies so far for me to do that would be the desert#i dont think you can teleport there and im kinda sick of walking all the way there#right after i got the cactus melody i wanted to use the ocarina to play what i had so far but i accidentally used the onyx hook#and i still had to do the whole monkey cave thing so i had to walk all the way back 😭#oh my god im realizing how whiny this sounds its like. im not as frustrated as ive seen some ppl get w this game but understand this is lik#the most time-wasting game in the world. walking anywhere takes forever cuz of the horrible encounter rate and shitty map design#genuinely i dont mind as much of this games jank as i probably should but the backtracking is insane#especially when you actually take advantage of the onyx hook. at least i have teleportation now stuff will#probably be a lot more streamlined from now on#inqusitivewaltz.txt
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i just think hes neat
#im basically just broly if he was smaller and shorter and whinier with elf ears#so what im saying is im basically broly and kish fused dsfnbvsvdhgfshgdgfhv#kish minus all the weird creepy shit#maybe links in there too. oh oh and beast boy obvs.#idk who else#maybe a hint of goku bc im worried i have the same dumb drive to challenge myself and push my limits or whatever#at least i wont endanger my family............................................................ right? right???#my bf was wondering why i identify w broly bc of him blowing up that one planet or whatever#(never mind the entire galaxy he blew up tho ig) but thats obviously not the reason.#its the whole 'becoming an invincible destructive force of nature that has bouts of wanting to Break Things often and usually bc#of being pushed to that edge by other people' thing#you dont get it u-u i need to go to one of those places where i can SMASH shit u--u. im just that kinda guy u---u.#and sometimes it is fun to imagine smashing ur enemies even though you probably would never do that and in fact imagining it#satisfies you enough kinda deal yaknow#as cheesy and on brand as it is for me rn i just love destroying shit and i always have im sorry im this way blame god ik i have been#maybe he shouldnt have made the sound of rocks crumbling and glass breaking etc sound so good huh? ya ever think of that??#anyways i find when i suppress these emotions it just boils up until i explode which i think only leads to more of a chance of me actually#hurting someone instead. when i pretend to be cute and flowery and people pleasey- it only makes me more resentful. but thats the#only version of me people seem willing to tolerate. and i dont think they realize how much THAT makes me resent them too#im not an innocent frail delicate uwu bean i will literally eat you 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪#idk. its not like i want ppl to fear me either. but sometimes it feels like thats the only way to stop ppl from disrespecting me#maybe if ppl didnt assume me being nice and Not trying to start fights is a sign of being weak maybe i wouldnt feel like its necessary#to intimidate ppl to scare them away from me.#i promise babe you are Not getting away with it- i just know better not to start a scene. especially among other whities like me#yall will be vocally violent about whoever behind their backs over and over and if im the guy who actually confronts you suddenly im#the only one being an asshole. im simply playing YOUR game with you. you wanna be dishonest and hide behind a fake smile then so will i#and ill just sit here and wait until you break. and then everyone can call you crazy and confrontational instead!#i hate white people (yes ik i am a white people... doesn't mean i cant hate the way a lot of white ppl act)#things could be so much easier if you weren't a coward and just spoke your mind about how you distrust me and how quick you were#to find reasons to back up your mistrust. we coulda ended it there and avoided eachother. but now we gotta pretend we like eachother ig.
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looking with the BIGGEST saddest wettest eyes at the queer choir that i Just learned exist in my city bc i can't even go
#theyre fucking DOWNTOWN on the same night my mom has band and my brother has a class...... so i cant go 😭 i could literally cry rn for real#i miss music i miss having a community i miss Doing Things outside my house#its not even auditioned (although i still wouldnt be worried if it was)...#but ive got no way of getting there. so i cant#levi.txt#half the reason i left every choir ive been in was just not feeling welcome due to religious/queer reasons#its so often a very christian cishet space and while i can still technically join a local choir#therell be people treating me like im diseased or arguments over uniforms or just not being able to feel safe and open about who i am#or ill be singing the worlds most cishet bullshit just bc i sing high#just. youve got no idea how bitchy choir girls can get. theyre so mean lol#it would be so nice to go...#maybe ill bring it up to my parents. theyll say no but maybe ill try i think i could have so much fun#and i dont do anything else as extracurriculars so maybe theyll make the effort to get me there#i just. h. im so lonely. i miss looking forward to doing things every week. and i miss music but music Made me lonely so often#it would be a perfect solution. if i could actually go#idk. even if it doesnt work out ill keep it in mind for the future. i feel really strongly about this i think its a really good idea
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ughh. might have to travel home again to dogsit for my parents this weekend
#which is fine like I'll do anything anyone asks me to I love being useful I would never say no even if I have to cancel my own plans :)#bc im so limited in the ways I'm allowed to express affection that my self worth is intimately tied to How Useful I Can Be yak yak whatever#but its such short notice and its such a long and expensive journey and I've been feeling so terrible my mind is not in a good place#don't particularly want to have to travel alone and then sit alone in a house for a few days I think maybe that would be bad for me rn 👍#it feels a bit mean tbh. my mum has asked to call twice in the last week and both times I've tried to arrange it shes left me on read#but now that she needs me for something. NOW she'll actually call. this is doing wonders for my self esteem#and im meant to go to a concert tmr i rly hope i dont have to cancel i was looking forward to it :^(#but whatever its ok silly to complain abt anyway i love them and if they need me there for anything ill be there. just bad timing thats all#.diaries#.vent
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MENTALLY JUST BE, PHYSICALLY JUST SLEEP
The 3D is a RESULT
If you assume something in the 4D(your mind) watch it unravel in your 3D
Why is this???
I’m gonna yell at you now
BECAUSE THE 3D IS CHANGEABLE AND IT IS SO BECAUSE OF THE FACT THAT IT IS A RESULT
The 3D is a result of assumption
The assumptions you created yourself subconsciously
Manifesting a new job is the same as manifesting
A billionaire status
Stop doubting something that’s so easy
Whether you manifest through The void or whatever other methods it is sooo easy
Quit victimizing and babying yourself and get it the fuck done
Ain’t nobody gonna do it for ya
It’s your life baby you write it design it however the heck you want it to be
I’m not one of those bloggers to be be like “it’s ok pookie if you fail🥹”
NO BITCH YOU CANNOT FAIL
THE VOID IS LITERALLY YOU
YOUR GORGEOUS SELF IS THE REASON WHY IT EXISTS AND YOU OVERCOMPLICATING IT FOR WHAT???
Ignore the 3D
It’s physical
The jeans you’re wearing right now or that hoodie
Is physical
You can change it up for you want
The 3D is that
It’s those jeans that hoodie those socks
Change it
If you don’t wanna wear it
THEN DONT
If you feel like you deserve better
ASSUME BETTER
LOOK IN THAT MF MIRROR AND TELL YOURSELF YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND YOU ALWAYS BEEN THAT BITCH NOBODY IS ABOVE YOU WE ALL FINE AS HELL
JEALOUSY FOR WHATTTTTT
BBY GIRL ITS ALWAYS BEEN YOU YOU ALWAYS BEEN THAT BITCH
YOU TOO PRETTY TO BE SAD YOU KNOW ABOUT THE VOID CUZ THE UNIVERSE SHOWED YOU YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE
ACT LIKE IT GIRL!!!!!!
THIS IS YOUR SIGN TO STOP READING AND GO GET THAT DREAM LIFE
LIKE TF YOU STILL READING FOR
TAKE YOU FINE ASS TO THE VOID AND GET WHAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED
WITH YOUR CUTE SELF😏
I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH
BUT STOP SAYING “hoW dO EnTEr tHE vOiD?”
👁️👄👁️
Bitch you just did
YOU ALWAYS DOOOOOO
Jesus peanut butter Christ
Cmon y’all
yOu HavE alWayS dONe tHis!!!!
Every time you go to bed
You’re detaching from the 3D(physical reality)
To be in the 4D reality
All you’re doing is becoming aware of it
Oh my god
How hard is that?!!!!
You’re killing me babes😔✋🏾
Please for the love of jell-o
Understand how easy this shizzz is
Bruh
You’re in the 3D void rn
I know that probably doesn’t exist but hear me out
You’re so attached to this reality right
Every day you are aware that you’re here living in this physical world as a physical being
This is like our 3D version of the void state
It’s not actually the void
But it’s like our state of awareness
Just in this 3D world
We’re aware that we are physical
So to shift your awareness to the 4D simply just
Be aware
Just like you’re aware now
“BUtt hoW dO sTaY aWAkE?”
Who said you gotta be sleepy??
Bitch you could do it rn if you really want to
It’s dumb to think you gotta be tired at to enter the void
NOOOOO
You literally are mentally awake
Your BODY is asleep
So why should you??
It’s different if you wanna tap into it WHILE asleep
Like waking up in it
But you don’t need to be dead tired to do it y’all
Listen bitch
You will never make it if you don’t claim your power and go get it
Stop wasting time stop assuming you fail or it’s hard
YOU DA POWERFUL ONE BABE
Sugar baby it’s all in your hands
You’re the God of your reality
Go make your life the way you want it
Quit spending hours trying to find methods to something to you naturally do every night with NO method
When you go to sleep
You are in the state of just being
You’re just sleep
When you’re awake you’re in the state of awakened awareness
You’re just awake and aware
Soooo in the void mix those two together in the void
Mentally Just BE
Physical Just sleep
Omg my new motto
The key to the void state is
“MENTALLY JUST BE
PHYSICALLY JUST SLEEP”
That’s it
That’s all
And If your favorite celebrities can manifest so can you
#law of assumption#void state#law of attraction#void#law of manifestation#manifesting#subliminals#manifesation#loassumption#loassblog#loa tumblr#loa blog#loa success#loablr#loa#law of the universe#guided meditation#meditating#meditation
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#diary#personal#drugs tw#disordered eating#suicidal ideation#self harm#hahahaha. ive been reading a fun novel today and its making me think im a little more than just warped lmao#well. not just this really. sometimes i just sorta... have my vision messed with by the things i consume. i feel completely different#and not in a good way. tho its not bad either. im just more cold. more callous. less feeling. i dont mind much tbh#its not like im that good of a person to begin with. hahaha. either way im officially (unfortunately) 100% sober now! whoo!!!#ha. god i wanted to pop another so badly today. i was just enjoying reading too much to really bother tbh.#idk. i wouldve liked to but i have to work tomorrow... and i dont want to develop a habit of working while intoxicated. haaah. too bad.#i feel like im sorta standing on the precipice rn... like. if i go too far ill become addicted or destroy myself or something terrible#hm. but in order for me to care more id have to find something worth being clean for....#really the only thing i care about rn is my bunny. well. not really. but. i think id like to stay mostly sober for him at least.#i should always spend a certain amount of time with him. and me being high isnt something i want to use to squander my time away from him#hes really important to me tbh. i dont know how ill manage when he dies one day. haha. ive actually restructured my life around him a bit.#...me getting him while i was depressed surprisingly is doing something for me now. im glad hes my friend.#he really is the most imortant thing in the world to me. id be willing to change a lot of my bad behaviours for him ig.#haaah. but anyways im not as depressed as yesterday. still kinda sorta tho lmao. just not as extreme thinking ig?#thats the only difference between the intoxicated and sober me. im somehow generally more rational while sober.#though not by much lmao. oh also funnily enough i had a funny thought today.#i was reading something. i dont rememeber what exactly. but it mentioned food. and i actually said it out loud that-#i shouldnt eat so much. hahaha. what is that? what fucked up shit is that that i said? hahaha.#god im fucked up beyond recognition. hah. not that i care one way or another. my body my choice am i right hah.#idk. i was thinking to myself that while i didnt want to hurt myself its not so bad if i do.#so long as i dont seriously hurt myself on accident i dont care. idk. like i still only truely work a few days a week. so it doesnt matter#i dont mind doing my other private work while injured. its just the public i fear.#hah. i wonder what my psychologist will think when i see one. hahaha. id be put in a hospital really if they saw all this.#but idk. a lot of my emotions stem from other things. like getting burned out and tired or triggered or whatever.
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