i miss the rage (being hypersexual)

Oh to look into the mirror and realize you’re starting to look more and more like him.

me: dude im not even feeling that tired rn and haven’t for ages oh no oh fuck im probably accidentally faking my disability-

my chronic fatigue, loading ammunition into a massive fucking cannon: damn really bro?

Another new blog… it’s been about a year since I deleted my blog. The one I’ve had since I was 18. The one I grew up with. The one I vented on, posted countless pictures of myself, learned about myself. And holy fuck, the amount of shit that has happened in the last year is intense.

I got divorced. C put me through the wringer. I didn’t know if I would make it out, but I’m doing so much better than I ever imagined. He continues to show his true colors - he got engaged less than a year after we separated, his fiancée has attempted to get into a yelling match with me, he continues to put our daughter at risk, amongst a whole list of things he’s done. I’ve learned the art of disengagement and it’s so healing (also, I finished therapy and my therapist told me how much healthier I am now mentally)

I got a new job. I think this happened prior to me deleting my old tumblr. Doesn’t matter as much. BUT I work when I want, and can spend any and all my time with my daughter which has been a complete life changer. Leaving the only job I’ve known for 10 years hurt more than I expected, especially since it wasn’t planned, and I was basically booted out of there due to them just absolutely trying to destroy me, but it was such a godsend of a misfortune.

I sold my house. C’s only claim to hurt me was the house (other than our daughter that we share). He didn’t own it, but wanted a piece of it in the divorce because it was worth a lot in equity. I just said fuck it, sold it, rebuilt my life, and I’m now looking at houses with my partner.

I got a new boyfriend. He’s an absolute gem of a human. He’s made me realize what I want in a partner. He’s made me realize I’m not nonmonogamous. He’s made me realize that I can have a partner that fulfills me in every sense of the term. He loves me, he loves my daughter, and he puts up with the crazy that occurs in my life.

I don’t know if I’ll actually be on tumblr like I used to be. I deleted all social media, except Instagram, because I found out C was stalking me (and even after I locked all my accounts, he made fake ones - which, at 30 years old and as the man who wanted to end the relationship and was cheating on me, is a little obsessive). I just wanted to restart fresh. I’m so happy with life, I’ve never been so full of love and hope and just life in general, and thus, I’m back, I guess?

Learning so many youtubers are parents who for most of their online popularity weren’t lately is jarring, partially because a lot of them still look so young and I associate them with being like. early 20s. so my brain can’t get past that, but still refreshing that the reason this is also jarring is because they apparently don’t put their kid out there online and didn’t make their entire channels about being a parent

Tw(?) vent post, I’m basically just rambling to the void rn don’t mind me

I love going back to some of the accounts I’ve followed since I started using tumblr and it always makes me feel so nostalgic and I get the same happily giddy feeling I used to when I was rly into obey me.

I miss being 14 and constantly reading all the cheesy obey me fics and hcs whenever I got the chance. I wish I could go back to when obey me was so new and fresh in my life and how happy it made me.

Maybe it wasn’t just obey me but also all the cool ppl I met and became friends with that also made me so happy and motivated, but now it’s been months since we’ve talked.

Now I’m ganna be graduating in less then a year and a half and turing 17 in like 5 months, I’m so not ready and I just wanna be a happy and kinda cringey 8th grader again.

Sry for the out of l nowhere vent

I did something really stupid today that I wished I could just go back in time to prevent that… God I can’t even make myself happy…I just feel really awful and depressed…(like it feels I can’t be happy for now…).

I think I’ll be inactive until I feel a little better. I’ll be okay. I’m just overthinking this… thanks for understanding. Take care y’all.💙

i did some applications today and gotta say? kill me

Sometimes it’s okay to not be happy with what you make, especially when it’s something new.

it’s the fucking tism i swear i’m not a meanie on purpose :/

Sometimes I wish I could just cry

adding onto my original post on skirk I’ve seen people complain about how her design looks honkai like or whatever and it’s like

???

yeah??? I don’t see how that’s a bad design choice??? I’m not caught up on Childe’s lore but wasn’t Skirk the one that taught Childe when he fell into the Abyss? So she’s most likely not from this world. It makes sense for her design to seem more otherworldly because she’s most likely not from this world.

i can’t help but just feel i’m slowly becoming invisible to people now

*screaming on the top of my lungs* that’s not what Jesus would have wanted

(Venting in tags)

Guys how did we cycle back to mean-spirited or passive-aggressive comments on fanworks not only being normalized but also as something people should accept lying down for literally any reason? If I wanted unnecessary concrit, I’d go read passive aggressive sticky notes left on the office fridge. It is rude to randomly critique or downright insult someone’s hard work done out of love for a fandom, actually!