#i don’t know who I am anymore
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the man himself 💗🤌
#harry styles#total dilf energy#the look#my legs are clenched#my heart is racing#i don’t know who i am anymore#i think i may have a problem
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being in love with a narcissist can drive you insane…
#narcissim#surviving narcissism#pathological narcissism#borderline personality disorder#complex ptsd#bipolar mania#bpd problems#borderline splitting#borderline stuff#gimme drugs#substance addiction#substance abuse#high on heroin#help me#i love you#you destroyed me#i hate myself#did you even love me#i don’t know who i am anymore#how could you#i loved you…#i really really loved you#broken#you were never real#was this ever real#why do you do this#you could’ve just left me alone#i didn’t deserve this#i’m just a person
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I NEED to change my url again I hate this one
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what if gaster in a future chapter calls out the audience for speculating so much about him. the guy canonically has some amount of access to Real Life Social Media. like i started this mostly as a joke but there are definitely some real metanarrative opportunities for a character with recklessly curious impulses, and possibly a fragile sense of self, having nearly limitless access to streams of debate over whether or not he’s a bastard. rude to talk about someone who’s listening etc
#this is very fast and loose character reading on my part but i do get the sense sometimes#that gaster may be asking some of the same questions of himself that we are of him.#’who are you? how should i feel about you? should i sympathize with you or be disgusted by you?’#i said ‘call out’ in the post but i don’t even necessarily think this is a matter of anger#so much as sincere confusion and ego-shattering overwhelm#a character so wrung out by the mechanisms of audience interpretation that even he has no idea who he is anymore#and he’s looking at the audience who looked so hard for him and spent so much energy tearing him apart for clues or answers#and saying ‘you want to know what i am. but you seem to know that better than i do. please tell me. tell me what you think.’#’because i want to know just as much as you do.’#…anyway this is not real speculation. just rambling on an idea i think would be cool lol#$ waltz of a shattered man
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#gif#why do I have to spend every christmas and every birthday alone#for what am I being punished#I am a good person#and I don’t think this suffering has any sense#it’s just that in life the happy people have good things coming their way#and the sad people always just get more trauma#I know I could have a relationship if I didn’t have such a traumatic childhood#my trauma lets me reject the good guys and waste my time with the aholes#but i don’t know what to do about it#every nice guy I met absolutely wasn’t attractive to me#and we also didn’t have anything in common#so I’m not even regretting rejecting them cause it wouldn’t have worked out#and they deserve someone who actually fancies them#i just wonder why I never met a nice guy that I have common interests with#or who matched my preferences lookwise#it really feels like I’m simply not allowed to ever meet the right person#and gotten to the point where I swipe for hours have a lot of matches and then ghost everyone#as I just know it either will be someone nice but not attractive to me or an ahole#I just don’t have any energy left anymore#I just want to experience love so bad but can’t do these dates anymore#I’m so so tired
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I talk so much about how i want to fall in love for all the things i could do for someone and all the things someone could do for me but deep down, if i’m being honest, i want to fall in love because i just so desperately need to know that love is actually real and that there are people out there capable of truly loving me
#wlw#wlw mood#sapphic#sapphism#lesbian#just like growing up and losing so many relationships#friendship and family relationships all of it#it’s hard to remember that there are people out there who can love you and that that love will stay#regardless of whether or not you can give them something#idk all the love in my life just feels gone and i don’t really think there’s anything i love anymore sometimes#but then i remember the world is big and i should stop worrying so much for now#i dont know my life is a mess lately#and it’s 5 am and i haven’t slept#and im still grieving things#and hope and patience are so hard sometimes#and there’s something about the ugly side of the whole idea of ‘yearning’ that i think about a lot#because so much of my yearning ISN’T pretty or wistful#it’s achingly desperate and lonely and uncertain#i dont know#i dont know if any of this is worded right#or if it’s all nonsense and i should just be quiet and go to sleep#idk
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not to do this to yall again but
#the lyrics. I just.#‘who am if I’m not standing there / who am I on a Thursday afternoon in November / and who am I if this blows over’#‘who am if I can’t do it anymore / I don’t even know my own songs by heart’#‘and who am I without songs / my greatest love / can never lose that no’#dimension 20#d20#fhjy spoilers#d20 fantasy high#d20 fhjy#originals#judith watches fhjy#fantasy high junior year#fig faeth
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People jumping ship cause of the new masks is very ahhhh. Telling. Tbh.
#very much so#tell me you where only here cause of the looks without telling me your only here cause of the looks#listen. I miss the old masks already too. that’s not the point.#you can mourn for something without that taking away your joy for it.#‘it’s all moving so fast’ iii has been turning red since July.#‘they’re evolving too fast’ or we just got here later then others.#‘I can’t even listen anymore’ sucks to be you. the music that has been put out hasn’t changed so I don’t understand this one#‘they’re gonna get cancelled over this’ ok. I guess this is just thinning out the people who were real fans and who where fake fans#I’m gonna be a sleep token fan til the end. if this is the way they want their image to go? I’ll follow. if we get heavier music next?#sounds fucking amazing to me. (I listen to heavier stuff anyway).#idk I just think it’s so so so fucking telling. that if your jumping ship cause their Live Performance Aesthetic has changed… you didn’t#mean it when you said sleep token was important to you.#like I’m 100% MOURNING the old masks. I am BMO with Finn’s old hair sobbing about the old masks.#but I know this too shall pass#this is how I fucking felt about Vessel’s mask change#and to everyone going ‘what about Vessel and the Chior!’#1). VESSEL HAD A MASK CHANGE EARLIER THIS YEAR!!! he isn’t gonna change masks again so fast those fuckers r expensive!#2). the choir did have a change?? they wherent wearing robes at all and where in body chains they looked amazing#I get we are all neurodiverse and hate change but take a deep breath before you renounce all your sleep token love#I’m guessing Vessel will get a new mask in April again. for the kick off show.#tonight was a closing show. and he didn’t FEEL GOOD. I wouldn’t be surprised that if he was gonna do something with a new mask#if he pushed it back because he didn’t feel good.#he performed a whole show while we could TELL his throat was hurting. fuck.#I want to wrap him up in a warm hug and give him hot water with honey in it.#idk I’m rambling. it’s just telling.
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dan saying “i know it’s scary” in response to evan running away from the altar, almost as if he’s been in a similar position before? and then immediately covering it up by making a joke about bob wearing a dress? wedding hill is getting reeeeaaaaally comfortable rn
#not to mention the building a family comment immediately afterwards#i am going full demon i don’t care anymore#they’re getting married y’all!! or maybe they’ve already gotten married who knows#dan and phil#phil lester#dan howell#phan#danandphilgames#gamingmas 2023#dan and phil play: sims s2#the gay wedding#mine
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More art of @inconsistentracoon ‘s fantastic epic of a KH fanfic (link below), the fic so good I read all 190k+ words twice.
Sora’s gradually recovering here, and Kairi gladly leans into her mobile game obsession to give him a distraction when he needs one. 🥲
#kingdom hearts#fanart#kh#kh sora#kh kairi#sokai#Sora whump#whump art#this fic has absorbed my entire brain#I don’t know what’s canon anymore#I don’t know who I am or who I was anymore#there is only this fic#it is soooooo inspiring for my art though 😭#inkmoose art
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Missed Chase Brody’s birthday yesterday because this fuck got me in a chokehold
#who out here wanna see him treated like an adult#he’s a creature but he’s also just some weird guy (just like me fr)#i am the op#jus sum doodly doos#fake peppino#…no main tag for this#context for the second pic: I think my friend's mashup album might not be the best thing to listen to while high#especially the last song#he’s in the default look in the third one because it’s when the movie was being made#I have very little context for the last two images I just had a vision I had to get out#first one is just something I do#translation for reversed text:#‘I see.’ ‘the backyardigans wiki is gatekeeping information.’ ‘that’s fun’#‘oh this looks interesting’ ‘…what’s a mashup though’ ‘Squirtle I’m fucking dying’ ‘I should’ve stuck with red vox’#I don’t know if I’m normal about this guy anymore
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said to my counsellor that i wasnt built for friendship because everyone always eventually just. stops speaking to me and she went “ok why do you think that is?” and then when i finished my dumb sad list she went “ok so maybe you aren’t good at friendship” and i. have never regretted spending £50 more in my life lol
#A RANT IN THE TAGS MY GOD I DIDNT EVEN REALISE I AM WRITING THIS WARNING RETROSPECTIVELY#£50 to feel like never trying to speak to anyone again or forge any connections THANKS RUTH#Ruth remember when I said that every friendship I’ve had I’ve never truly known if it’s a friendship or if it’s one sided#remember when I told you that my friend groups always had people who had a favourite and I was never the favourite#remember when I told you that several friend groups have disbanded but not really they actually just made new spaces without me?#remember that? remember my trauma? remember?#because I DO!!!#I was not born to have friends I don’t think#I can’t even make friends with other autistic people or other weird people or other queer people#I don’t even think I could make friends with a clone of myself#this is so guy wrenchingly isolating lol#like girl what do you want from me? keep everyone at arms length like I used to?#try not to let myself get attached to people in case they decide they don’t want to be close to me anymore?#please it is not great advice Ruth#THE WORAT PART is that I literally was like ‘I don’t message too much because I’m overbearing’#and she asked where the proof was#and all I had was the complete dissolving of any relationship where I tried or tried too hard#so now I’m left in this confusing space of do I message too much or not enough because I have no happy medium#and she knows SHE KNOWS I also have energy issues and executive dysfunction stuff going on#and I know she is just trying to help and get me to think about this stuff#but it was just not the time lmao#finnie shouts into the void
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