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currentfandomkick · 4 years

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Marinette did not sign up for this pt 3

Part 3 time. part 1 here part two here, ao3 link here

Cass had long since taken to eating at Yan Toh Heen when she was in Hong Kong, where head chef Cheng Wang served her favorite soup, Marinette Soup. Given that Cass often came at odd times and remained a regular whenever she was in town, she had come to know of Shifu Cheng’s inspiration, his niece’s daughter. A girl who reminded Cass of Bruce’s usual adoptees when she first saw her picture, and mentioned it was a good ting her father hadn’t begun adopting until the girl was already a toddler. Shifu Cheng had laughed at the time, and mentioned that Cass might be a good influence on her, if she could keep her father from trying to steal his great-niece away that is.

Now Cass was looking at the girl’s picture a bit more critically, and with Bruce and his parents in mind, she wouldn’t be surprised if this Marinette—a young designer who had managed to have two major figures in the industry recognize her by 16 with an apparent knack for helping her local heroes—was Bruce’s daughter. Her eyes reminded Cass of Thomas Wayne’s from the portraits, and her smile was a lot like Bruce’s when he wasn’t hiding anything.

With all this in mind, Cass was already on a plane to find the girl and test out her theory—to see if Marinette of the Dupain-Cheng Boulangerie was also Ladybug—Batman and Bruce Wayne’s daughter.

She did smile when she saw the group chat for “Middle Kids Only—No D’s Allowed” exploded with Jason, Tim and Steph arguing over who would find her first and what the prize would be. It looked like Cass would win at this rate. She was fine with that—and having a no-questions asked favor from each of the three in the future would be the icing on the cake to meeting their new sister first.

---

Marinette has to explain to Adrien a bit of her blow up while they were civilians and out of sight in her room. Tikki and Plagg were napping.

“So, you’re uh…” she couldn’t blame him for the lack of words. She tended to forget (re: ignore) the fact herself most of the time.

“Yeah,” Marinette shrugged. “Maman and Papa got me in a closed adoption case, the mother was young.”

“… I’m now picturing a young Batman and can’t wrap my brain around it.”

Marinette snorted at that. “It was before Batman existed.”

Adrien frowned at that, thinking it over as… “So did you ever…”

Marinette shook her head. “My mother warned against it, the note she left for me said it was dangerous to even attempt contacting him.” She ran a hand through her hair as she remembered Maman and Papa letting her read the note not long after her Guardian training began. It was another life entirely. “She said he was an unfit father, and that she never wanted kids so I was better off not looking for them when I grew up. I never planned to—Maman and Papa were all I ever needed or wanted.”

Adrien smiled at that, grabbing a cookie for himself. “So what happened?”

Marinette winced. “I, I don’t want to talk about it. Long story short, a wild Murder Robin appeared and told me not to contact his family or else, and I promised to steer clear of affiliates so he wouldn’t try anything.”

Adrien twitched at that. He knew Marinette and Alya made a few comments about it once upon a time but…

“Is he the one dropping off the weapons and flower threats?”

Marinette looked away, keeping her eyes low.

Adrien tightened his fists. “I see. If he or that family get near you, they’ll have to take on Chat Noir first.”

Marinette huffed at that. “They’re the normies that took down the world ending metas, I doubt there’s much we could do against them chatton.”

Adrien shook his head and jabbed a thumb at his chest. “Black Cat wielder, destruction incarnate, and the idiot you share a soul with.” He gave her his Chat Noir smile. “There’s nothing I can’t take on.”

Marinette snorted at that. “Chemistry.”

Adrien’s face fell at that. “You cannot tell me chemical reactions are that easy!”

Marinette smiled at him then. “I can and will say it—Chemistry is easier and superior to physics. Kitchen Chemistry is how we get food.”

“And physics keeps us from floating off into space.”

“Not studying it. Studying chemistry I get food, physcics is just a headache of formulas on formulas on formulas.”

“But the theories!”

With that, the pair fell into their familiar rhythm of banter for the rest for the night.

Tim was crossing French designers in Paris aged 14-20 that own or work at a boutique, online or physical, and turned up a large number of candidates for who Ladybug/the missing Wayne could be.

Babs rolled in on this particular search, and gave him a look. “You know the Justice League wants us to not to contact her, right?”

Tim made a vague sound of acknowledgement.

“And that Bruce probably didn’t have a kid at 15, right?”

“Just covering my bases.”

Babs looked over his search margins. “Did you check Damian’s search history?”

Tim scowled at her. “Of course I did, he’s been doing more through wipes, I couldn’t get more than a few scarps of useless code.”

Babs began to grin then. “So that means I do have a leg-up on you then.”

He didn’t even want to know how she knew about the competition. But she wasn’t officially in it either (all of the placed their bets down negotiated rules (re: no asking for help from Damian) and agreed the only participants were the four of them). What did Barbra Gordon want out of this?

Tim paused at that. “What.”

Babs grinned at him. Tim remembered why Oracle is the queen of hackers everywhere—nothing is safe from her reach.

“He was particularly taken with a few designers, and one of them happens to be in the range you’re looking for.”

Tim scowled at her. “What do you want?”

“You know that picture of me you took a few years back?”

Tim blinked as that was what she wanted. His ‘Don’t tell The Family’ insurance.

“Yes.”

“I want your copies of burned, and any you may have floating around returned to me.”

Tim weighed the pros and cons to this. The girl should be in his current data pool. And he does know to use Damian’s search again (tracking Bab’s hacks was child’s play now) but she probably deleted most—if not all of—her trail. Decisions, Decisions…

He could just wait to meet the baby bat. But then he would owe Jason a no-questions asked favor if he found her first… and he didn’t want to know what Jason would use it for. Owing Cass a favor meant family nights with the worst board games or tea parties when he was elbow deep in a mission. A no question favor for Steph was always interesting and usually resulted in Bruce giving them both looks.

Did he want to lose his leverage on Babs, or did he want to avoid the consequences of the bet more?

Chat and Carapace exchanged a quick look when the pair arrived. A nod from Carapace as he trailed after their paling Ladybug was all Chat needed to begin operation Distract the Justice Leaguer Members.

He and Rena Rouge were having the time of their lives. Both were genuine in their admiration of the pair and the work they had done. And they were both eager to learn from them—both as individuals and what their people knew of the Miraculous—something Chat and Rena knew there were large gaps in the history of still. And if they could help out Ladybug with gathering information and ensuring she was given space, well, the pair were down for it.

Chat was asking a confused and mildly frightened Aquaman for combat tips in aquatic situations for future Syren-eqsue akumas.

“So how do you keep an eye on attacks from all directions? Is it a ‘feel the water movements’ thing? Or is it just something you know how to do from growing up underwater? Could you teach me a few things on it—it’s a weak point that I need to work on.”

Aquaman was quick to agree to help, eager to avoid angering the Black Cat and given Ladybug’s (apparently continued) evasion of Justice League Members, this may be the best way to both prevent the possible apocalypse and ensure Atlantis’ future safety.

Wonder Woman was having an interesting conversation with Miss Sting about the uses for her spinning top and potential ways to work on her use of Venom while Rena asked about the Amazons and was there really an amazon who wielded the Ladybug miraculous? There were no confirmations from Ladybug and the Guardian was impossible to find to ask. Was there a Fox and did they have anything on the Miraculous’ history?

Wonder Woman was quick to supply answers while scanning the area for Ladybug, and noted that the Turtle was missing too.

“Is Ladybug well?”

Rena and Miss Sting exchanged a look.

Miss Sting stepped forward. “Ladybug just needs some space. She isn’t willing to risk breaking her promise since certain people do know where she lives.”

Rena tensed at that, a scowl quick to her face as she remembered why Ladybug was absent. “She can’t talk to either of you until Murder Robin,”--Wonder Woman winced at the reminder of the current Robin’s past--“makes it clear he won’t keep threatening her if she does.”

Chat caught enough of the conversation to join in. “Its also not good to stress her out, especially since its going to be open season soon.”

Miss Sting sighed at the reminder. “Application and testing season.”

Rena rubbed her forehead. “Don’t remind me. Last time Ladybug was so stressed over her workload that the cure was off for a week.”

Wonder Woman and Aquaman exchanged a look.

“Are you stating that stress on Ladybug alters how the Miraculous Cure works?” Aquaman asked cafefully, hoping it wasn’t the case.

“Yeah,” Chat rubbed the back of his neck. “I figured it always did.”

Wonder Woman shook her head, mind racing as, “No. Not during Mother’s time—it must be a side effect of something. May I speak to one of the Guardians?”

Chat didn’t even have time to respond. Both adults noted the way his pupils shrunk and body tensed at the question. He knew something the others didn’t.

“Uh, there’s only one, and the guy has been radio silent for months now,” Rena explained. “And not to be rude, but given the security breaches in the past, I don’t think it’s the best thing for our Guardian to be in contact, just in case.”

“I see…”

Aquaman was the quick to defuse the situation. “Perhaps one of your sisters could reach out to Ladybug? They are not affiliated with the League so that should lessen her stress.”

Chat nodded along at that. Good. It was better to keep the Destroyer content.

“I can see who Mother would like to send of the historians given the interest in past miraculous wielders,” Diana conceded. “Could you ask Ladybug if that is acceptable?”

The teens grabbed their respective weapons and messaged Ladybug. A moment later the trio stated that Ladybug would agree to those terms.

In the meantime, Chat, Rena and Miss Sting caught the adults up on the Hawkmoth situation and their limitations on investigation. Rena was particularly annoyed by the lack of progress as “Our best suspect was akumatized before Mayura showed up, so he can’t be Hawkmoth. But he lives in the target area, has the funds for a butterfly garden and the ability to keep it underground if LB’s theory about artificial sunlight to keep it secret is right.”

“But we know he can’t be, so we should drop it and look for other suspects,” Chat added a bit nervously.

Miss Sting nodded in agreement.

Rena sighed. “I know, its just, too much adds up on him being Hawkmoth, but then again, that would mean he’d put his own kid in danger just to get the Miraculous. I mean, he’s bad and all but…” Rena shook her head. “LB is right about him making sense but it’s too obvious. I mean, who hides in plain sight, right?”

Wonder Woman made a mental note to find out who this suspect was and maybe—MAYBE—let the bats do a deep search on this suspect if Rena would name them. He could very well be their villain, but she didn’t know enough on this investigation yet to make a call, nor did she have much knowledge on the Butterfly or Peacock miraculous. She only paid attention to the Ladybug and Black Cat legends—a soul spilt in two, destined to always find one another and willing to do whatever it took to protect the other from self-destructing once they grew close as allies.

In Gotham Jason Todd is on a Mission. That mission happens to be meeting the Baby Bat before Timmers or the Waffle Queen herself beat him to it. Cass hadn’t responded to any of their texts, so he figured she was knee-deep in Black Bat and forfeited for once. He hoped.

Either way, Red Hood would be tracking a certain Little Lady when he touched down in Paris once his plane took off, and take out whoever this “Hawkmoth” was. Magic terrorism is one thing. Targeting kids? Well, that puts you Hood’s list and high on his priorities real quick. Add threatening his family (estranged, feuding or 'well they're a Bat') to that? Gotham would live without him for a bit.

Ladybug is currently holed up with Carapace in one of their hide-y holes on patrol. She has borrowed (re: snagged and is not returning any time soon) Carapace’s headphones. The music helps her breath. No immediate danger, she didn’t (further) break the rules of engagement, and she didn’t see any sign of Murder Robin in Paris from news reports.

“So, uh, Murder Robin?”

Ladybug wanted to groan. She knew this conversation was coming. “Can you send the others the cliff notes?”

She did not want to do this with each one of them. there are a lot of miraculous users. Besides Chat and Carapace, there was Rena, Miss Sting, Pegasus, Ryuuko, King Monkey, Viperion, and Bunnix. She did not want to have this conversation seven more times.

“Sure thing Ladybug.”

Ladybug took a deep breath.

“Remember Incinerater and Goo-Boy?”

Carapace paused, face a bit slack as he nodded his head. “The first time Mr. Bug appeared, and the day Rena, Sting and me got our miraculous.”

Ladybug nodded. “Well, it lasted so long because my transformation timed out. I couldn’t figure out what my lucky charm meant—I didn’t know what the kwami box looked like, and a bigger version of the jewelry box I got Tikki in meant nothing to me.” Ladybug sighed, as once again, she realized how much easier it would have been if Fu contacted her and Chat Noir after the first attack, or even during one on their built-in communicators. Just. Something.

“So you timed out.”

Ladybug nodded. “And I got caught in the building that went down.”

Carapace froze. “Most people were still injured.”

Ladybug winced. “I was. Still. Chat somehow knew to look for my civilian identity and found out I was Ladybug. I thought…” Marinette shook her head, pushing old fears of losing Tikki away. She’s the Guardian now. Tikki and her are together as long as Marinette remains so. “Nevermind. The point is, even after he cast the cure and helped me get home, Goo-boy showed up and Mr. Bug was needed again.”

Carapace put the pieces together. “You were still hurt. And he left you alone.”

Ladybug ran a hand through her pigtails. “He had to. I told him to, I figured I could make it the rest of the way.”

Carapace frowned at that. “LB…” He put a hand on her shoulder. “What happened?”

Ladybug swallowed a lump. “Tiny Murder Robin.” She stiffened a bit, fiddling with her yoyo then. “He uh, grabbed me, pulled me into a car and held me a sword-point. Not gun point, sword point.” Marinette bleed through then. “Who does that? What kid goes around and says they’ll kill you with a sword at your neck?”

Carapace rubbed her back, keeping her grounded. “I managed to get him to leave since I was ‘unworthy of the Bat legacy’ and all, discarded and useless.” Marinette shook her head, reminding herself she’s moved past those feelings, the one that tried to well up in her moments. She was bigger than those thoughts. “He let me go since I wasn’t worth the effort if I didn’t know I was Batman’s daughter.” Marinette kept her eyes on her lap, a nervous hands running through one pigtail vigorously. “I kind of sicced him on the current Robin to save my skin.”

Carapace pulled her in for a hug. She clung back a bit. she didn’t have to look at him as he explained the deal. “I promised to not contact Batman or the JL and he agreed to leave me alone. And he did.”

Carapace pulled back. “That’s not all of it, is it?”

“He uh, started leaving flowers and some weapon for winter holidays, Easter and my birthday in my room….”

Carapace paled at that. “He’s threatening you.”

“y, yeah…”

“So that’s why….”

Ladybug nodded.

Carapace hugged her tight. “One sec, I’ll text the team. Then we’re doing that plan of action you made the rest of us do for when we can’t show up.”

Ladybug nodded.

She noticed a text from the others, asking if she’d be willing to talk to an Amazonian historian on the history of the Miraculous and learn from her. That… wouldn’t violate the terms of the agreement, in spirit or wording. She sent her agreement on the terms that none of the sent historians were Wonder Woman or the Queen herself. As cool as meeting Hippolyta would be, Marinette does not want to risk the violation in spirit (family members probably counted to Murder Robin.)

“Done.”

Ladybug blinked as Carapace turned to her.

“Now what can we do to help?”

Ladybug opened and closed her mouth, running over her options. “Just keep non-miraculous heroes from contacting me, especially in battle. I just...” Ladybug struggled for words. “He knows where I live. My family.”

Carapace nodded, keeping a steady hand on her shoulder. “Can’t risk it, I got you—we got you.”

After a moment of silence, Carapace spoke. “Keep the team on speeddial—if you don’t want everyone on, then at least me, Pegasus and Rena. Rena can distract without getting hurt, I can protect all of us and Pegasus can send him and anyone he works with packing. Monkey probably would want in on this too—he is the Distraction King after all.”

Ladybug laughed a little at that. It came out weak. “Sure. Chat, he’s…”

“Busy.” Carapace shrugged. “We all know his dad has him running through hoops to make it to patrol half the time.”

“Yeah…”

(Marinette agreeing to intern with M. Agreste and work on her accessories brand under the Gabriel umbrella did give Adrien more lee-way than he had before, but not by much at first. Ever since her line of scarves based on the miraculous heroes took off last winter, he was given more free reign if it involved Marinette as a designer, not Marinette as his friend and classmate. Adrien was allowed at her house at all hours now without no questions asked on the basis of ‘Marinette’s muses have spoken’. As far as Gabriel was concerned, Adrien was learning more about the designing process and crafting of individual garment and accessories from her, and offering critiques as a model on wear-ability and helping her develop her style as a designer while keeping her ‘on-brand’. The fact they mostly goofed off or worked on miraculous-related things together was another matter for another time.)

Ladybug and Carapace stayed like that for a while, until after the JL left. She may have trolled the Monkey tab on the Ladyblog and snorted at someone’s short of ‘era 1’ Chat running at an akuma while screaming “this is how I will get Ladybug will love me!” with an ‘era 2’ Chat cringing. “That. That is how I got Ladybug to baby brother me.”

Dick was wondering where the rest of the bats were during patrol. The night before, it was only him. Something about needing to look into something for the JL on Bruce’s end, and Damian was working on something again—trying to make up for a past wrong was the most Dick ever got out of him. It was the third year in a row this happened, and around the same time. Apparently needles are part of this apology.

Dick really hopes Damian manages to meet the person face to face this time. He has a feeling the person Damian’s apologizing to might be a civilian by Bat standards, and is probably missing Damian’s message completely. Maybe Dick would check up on him tomorrow—Gotham wait for no one and apparently Nightwing is the only responsible Bat at the moment. Thank god for Oracle’s Birds of Prey and the other vigilantes Gotham’s collected over the years. Dick doesn’t want to think about what would happen if this happened without them all.

PART FOUR HERE

Thanks for waiting on the update. Working with burned hand so it will take longer for the next installments. Mostly planned for the next chapter but character will do what they want and highjack my writing constantly. Things are moving forward (somewhat) on the Bats and JL end, while Miraculous Team stands with their leader, Ladybug, and aren’t ready to let Anyone threaten her.

this makes for a set-up for much to go Wrong. Feel free to add to the upcoming chaos or put in things youd like to see happen in the comments or by messaging me.

@heldtogetherbysafetypins @laurcad123 @raisuke06

#bio!dad bruce #bio!dad bruce waye #maribat #my writing #marinette did not sign up for this #long post #how do i tag

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parkerpeter24 · 4 years

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best friends or more (part-2)

Pairing: peter parker x reader

Warnings: fluff, angst👀, oblivious people, swearing. I think that is all...

Word count: 2454

Italics — flashback/thoughts

Sorry for being so late! I hope you guys liked the first part, I think my tags didn't work🤷🏻‍♀️. Tumblr is a disaster, even more so when you're on your phone... I hope you like this part!❤ Also, I can't divide the text under the cut because I don't have a laptop and it didn't work on chrome. I try to not extend it too much!

Series Masterlist | Prologue | Part 1

“What the fuck are you doing on the ceiling?!”

Peter jumped down to the floor, already putting his hands up to try to stop you from freaking out. You were already at the verge of screaming out loud. Your breath hitched and you couldn’t think straight.

“(Y/n), I can explain.” He said. One could wonder how he was being so calm and composed, like it was totally normal for people to walk on the ceiling of their houses.

Peter’s hands were on your shoulders in an instant, rubbing soft, soothing circles through the thin fabric of your shirt, concerned eyes making sure you calmed down before he started rambling about what had happened.

“H-how were you, what were you—?” You tried but even after all efforts, you couldn’t get yourself to utter a single coherent sentence out of your mouth. It was like your brain stopped working. Peter was on the lookout, in case you fainted.

“I know it’s crazy. Just calm down and I’ll tell you everything.” He said. You took your time, breathing and trying to relax. Finally letting go of the door handle you stood up straight, but he could still see your shaking hands, still hear your heart’s palpitations, still sense the weirdness in the air.

“You were on the ceiling.” Your voice came out shakey, but you were taking regular breaths. Peter nodded.

“I-I was.” He started. You waited for him to continue with an expectant yet incredulous look on your face. You wanted him to tell you that it was due to some crazy anti-gravity belt that he accidentally ‘created’ due to some error, or something alien he got from the storage of the apartment building, “I know it’s weird but I have a good reason. Just- let’s sit down first?” He asked hesitantly. You just nodded, still confused about everything.

You both walked over to his bunk bed, which was occasionally used by the both of you for sleepovers and Star Wars movie marathon nights, and sat beside each other “How are you now?” You asked suddenly, making Peter raise an eyebrow at you, “You had a fever.” You stated.

“Oh, that? Yeah, I’m way better now.” He nodded, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly before a wince passed his lips. You became cautious and concerned at the action.

“What is it?” You asked as you craned your neck to look at the cause of the pained voice.

“A spider bit me.”

———

You were pulled back to reality by Liz when she nudged your side. Your head perked up from your lap where your chemistry book was lying carelessly, not that you were actually reading it. You pushed your glasses up your nose. No you weren’t a nerd, not even close. Albeit the chemistry book lying in your lap, you were focused on the events from last night. Your mind replayed the way Peter’s sweet, familiar scent filled your nose when you leaned down to check on his injuries, what if you had kissed him, would he have kissed you back?

Peter’s thoughts didn't vary much than yours. All day he kept dozing off thinking about you, about how you smelled of honey, about how your soft lips would’ve felt over his.

He watched you at lunch as you sat with Betty and her friends like you usually did on Fridays just because they were your friends too and you didn’t want to upset them. He saw you turn back to look over at his table and the moment your eyes met, you mouthed a humorous ‘save me’ as you laughed silently, making him smile and look away as he blushed.

His eyes quickly shifted from you and adjusted to somewhere behind you, indicating you as well as convincing himself that he was blushing because of the girl who was behind you, hanging a banner for homecoming, and apparently the girl turned out to be Liz. You turned away from him to hide the frown on your face as you felt a pang in your chest.

You didn’t mean to feel bad. Peter, your best friend, had a crush on a girl who actually deserved him. She was way too nice, smart and beautiful as compared to you. She was the perfect match for him. Or so you thought.

Peter’s eyes fixated back on you as soon as you focused your attention on Betty, he observed your movements, the way you waved your hands in the air to illustrate things better, the way you pushed the same strand of hair —that he was much grateful of— behind your ear again and again and yet again. All things including Ned’s voice was background and the only desired thing was you.

“Earth to (y/n)?” Liz snapped a finger in front of you, waking you up again, “Were you even listening?” She chuckled as you passed her a sheepish look.

You were sitting in the gym bleachers, now in your midtown high sweatshirt, with the group as Peter did his crunches with the help of Ned.

“Sorry, I was thinking about... something.” You replied, settling yourself on the bleachers so that you were comfortable.

“Anyway…” Betty started, “We were playing F, marry, kill, for the avengers! Let’s continue.” She clapped a hand in front of her chest. Sometimes you didn’t like how excited the blonde girl could get. You rolled your eyes playfully muttering a ‘sure.’

“So what would it be for you (y/n)?” Liz asked from your side. You wanted to run away from there as all eyes fell on you but the group was sitting all around and you were in the middle. You knew the whole gym was listening to the conversation of the ‘popular’ kids.

“Um,” You gulped, “F thor, marry Captain America and kill hulk?” you offered. Peter's eyebrows furrowed, what was he thinking, of course you wouldn’t take his alter ego’s name. He was not expecting you to say you would marry Spider-man, no.

Your friends all seemed satisfied with your answer and nodded, except Liz.

“What about Spider-man?” She asked. Peter's ears perked up at that.

“What– What about him?” You asked her. You could feel Peter’s —and everyone else’s— eyes lingering over your group.

“Didn’t you see the big security cam on YouTube?!” She bragged, “He fought off four guys!”

Everyone rolled their eyes like they already knew what was happening, “Oh god, she’s crushing on Spider-man.” Some girl announced nonchalantly.

Your eyes widened dramatically, “What?” You asked.

She shrugged, trying to seem uninterested but the smile on her face gave her facade away, “Well, maybe.”

“But what if he’s like, seriously burned, or eighty?” You asked suddenly. Peter squinted his eyes on you as he tried to hold in his laughter. You looked so cute when you tried so hard to hide the fact that you actually knew Spider-man or how that one strand on hair fell on your face which you adjusted behind your ear. You were blushing slightly and Peter could just grab your face and kiss all over — Stop!

The group thundered, “Okay, first of all, he’s not eighty.” Liz laughed, making you blush in embarrassment, “And second of all, I wouldn’t care. I would still love him for the person he is on the inside.” Peter was full on staring at the black haired girl as you could see from the corner of your eyes. You felt a strong feeling tugging at your heart as it dropped to the pit of your stomach. Were you jealous of Liz? No! But again, why was Peter staring at her in the hallway?!

Before you could interject or even think of anything to say back to her you heard a voice which made the whole gym fall into silence, “Peter knows Spider-man!” Now all the eyes were on Peter as he turned to Ned with an unbelievable look. He scrambled off the ground, “No, I don’t.” He tried, waving his hands in dismissal, “I-I’ve met him, yeah, t-through the Stark Internship.”

“They’re friends.” Ned quipped. You stared at the boys with a questioning look, what was going on in their head? Peter passed you a tight lipped smile.

“Oh yeah, like coach Wilson and Captain America are friends.” Flash laughed, “You know what, why don’t you invite your ‘friend’ Spider-man to Liz’s house party?”

“You’re having a party?” You whispered to Liz, only for Peter to repeat it out loud.

“Yeah, I’m having people over tonight.” She said, giving you an apologetic grin. You shook your head.

“You should totally invite your pal, Spider-man.” Flash said as the bell rang and students started emptying the gym. Peter turned to Ned with an angry look and you rushed towards the both as your group also dissipated.

“What’re you doing?!” He asked, frustrated as you slipped beside them and started walking out of the room, behind the crowd. You slipped your hand in Peter’s since no one was watching, and why not. You knew it calmed him down when you rubbed soft circles on the back of his hand.

“Okay, did you not hear her? Liz has a crush on you.” He explained and you could feel your heart drop to your feet, and Peter was about to step over it.

“On Spider-man, not him.” You butted as Peter opened his mouth to say something.

“Come on (y/n), be serious.” He chuckled. Only if he knew, you were dead serious, “You’re an avenger man! If anyone has a chance with a senior girl, it’s you! Stop pining after her and just make a move.” Ned announced before walking ahead, leaving you and Peter with your thoughts.

So he liked Liz? And he told Ned but not you?

Peter didn’t seem to notice your face drop, “We need to go to that party.” He smiled, swinging your hands as you moved to your locker.

———

“Peter, I think you need to see a doctor.” You told him as your eyebrows furrowed.

“And tell him what (y/n)? A spider bit me and I got powers, my vision is better and my senses got developed? That sounds terrible.” He shook his head. Now that he mentioned, you noticed that he wasn't wearing his glasses and his shirt did look two sizes smaller for him, “Wanna take a picture? It’ll last longer.” He chuckled. Suddenly, heat rushed to your cheeks and you felt embarrassed under his stare. You felt intimidated by him, you felt different with him, a good different of course. He was much more confident and snarky than the Peter you knew.

“What if it’s something serious?” You tried diverting the topic, thankfully he didn’t question you anymore.

“Don't worry so much (y/n). Anyway, I don’t think our family doctor could tell what it is.” He said and you nodded along. A silence fell over the room for a few moments. Peter could hear your, now calm, heartbeat and he wanted to get close to you, incredibly close, like he’s never been before. You were in your most casual clothes and without any makeup but he still found you enchanting. He was feeling different with you than before, a good different of course.

“So can you do anything cool?” You asked, eyes shining with adoration.

He laughed, “Name it.”

———

You could sense nervous and scared vibes radiating off Peter as he sat in the passenger seat of May’s old, dingy car. You were sitting beside Ned. May was really happy that his nephew was finally being social and normal like other teenagers and not being stuck with a billionaire in his office and arranging paperwork for him. She was already very proud of Peter, everyone was, and the internship has got him in his head all the time, so busy that he had no time to spend with friends or her.

May pulled up in front of Liz’s house and bent down a little to get a look at the venue. She nodded her head in approval before looking back to you and Ned and complimenting him on his hat. You giggled, trying to ignore the way Peter looked uncomfortable.

“This is a mistake.” He said, looking out the window, at the number of people rushing into the house, “Hey, let’s just go home.” He looked between you and May with pleading eyes.

“Come on Pete, we’re here already, you can do this!” You encouraged. May nodded before starting about how his body was going through changes. You could barely hold your laughter in as Peter chuckled, “Okay, I think we should go.” He said, opening the door and getting out immediately.

You lagged behind as both the boys moved in through the door only to be met with teenagers dancing and mingling with each other over the loud music. Flash was the DJ tonight, you rolled your eyes at him. You watched Peter with worried eyes as you moved next to him, slipping your hand in his and squeezing it gently. The gesture was so simple yet it calmed his nerves down and he gave you a grateful smile before Ned started explaining his plan about how Spider-man would enter the party.

You were again drowning in your thoughts, focusing on rubbing soft circles on the back of Peter’s hand when a high pitched voice brought you back to reality, “Oh my gosh, hey guys! Cool hat Ned!” Liz complimented, “(Y/n), you look so stunning!”

You passed her a genuine smile, after all the girl was really, very sweet, “You look very beautiful yourself Liz!” You complimented back.

“Hi Liz.” Ned greeted and Peter followed with a squeaky voice. Poor boy, didn’t know how to converse with a girl, well except you. That or he didn’t think of you as a girl.

“So glad you guys are here.” She said, being the great host she is. Her gaze went down to your and Peter’s still interwoven fingers, “Hey, are you guys finally together? Can’t believe I won the bet-” She stopped herself before she could speak any further and pointed towards your hands.

Both of you looked down at your hands. Peter was the first one to immediately retract his hand from yours. You felt unwanted as he frantically started explaining to Liz that ‘It’s not what it looks like!’

“We’re just friends, nothing more.” He rubbed the back of his neck, the slightest rocking back and forth visible in his body. Your chest tightened, a mere few words and actions making your heart sink to the pit of your stomach.

You wish you could be something more with Peter, but it was no use when he saw you as ‘just friends.’

Taglist:

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@tom-holland-is-spiderman @anjali750

Sorry if the tags didn't work 😅 tell me if you want to be added to or removed from the taglist.❤

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r0h1rr1m · 4 years

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rambly inception thoughts p.3

bc it got too big in this post i’m gonna start another one of these, ostensibly about my unified theory on what will or won’t fly in dreamshare, tho i’m almost guaranteed to go a little off-topic

the movie says the tech was originally developed as a training tool for the armed forces, and i don’t want to pretend any real knowledge of the american military but i’ve always thought that there’s no way they were there from the beginning unless the very genesis of the idea was already intertwined w the notion of eventually using it to train soldiers. and the tech is so outlandish in premise and would take so much time (even by accelerated movie standards) to become viable and like, there’s an easier way. in the history of dreamshare that i js made up right now, there are 3 main eras. pre-military, where the scientists figured out how not to send ppl directly to limbo immediately upon putting them under (we’ll get there), military, where a lot of the roles/frameworks were discovered and solidified (i will explain what i mean by this, too), and post-military

the last thing i want to add before diving in is a disclaimer. the precise details of how exactly dreamshare works are almost entirely irrelevant to understanding the movie, and so they weren’t included! which means that the beginnings of this will be based in canon, but as i go on, the logic of my worldbuilding increasingly depends on context i js.... made up. so if u wanna go on, js buy into it and bear with me if u like worldbuilding i hope it’s worth it

so i said that before anyone had the genius idea of using dreamshare to let soldiers kill each other over and over and over, it had to exist. which like, duh, but the reason i bring this up is tied into my thoughts abt what limbo is, why it’s possible to go more than one level down in a dream, and why dying would wake u up. come yell at me for refusing to learn anything about lucid dreaming/sleep science, but i’m gonna say that limbo as dreamsharers kno it is the closest a pasiv will get u to natural dreams. “unconstructed dreamspace,” pure subconscious. and it seems like the movie was treating it as an actual place? that would be the same for every dreamer? and u could access it and alter it like a public minecraft server. here my thoughts diverge a little bit into 2 possible scenarios

scenario A) Minecraft Server Limbo: it is an actual, internally consistent entity and not dependent upon each dreamer. which means that the pasiv technology for accessing it isn’t even about shared or lucid dreaming at all, but accessing another sort of other plane/dimension beyond the physical. think cognitive realm a la cosmere, if that reference means anything to you (if not, i’d love to hear what ur analogy would be). this idea is a lot of fun, but doesn’t rly allow for the levels between waking and limbo, or explain why those have to be created new every time.

scenario B) Actually the Subconscious: the way i think about limbo kind of begins w the ideas in this fic, where limbo is unique to everyone. i’m gonna start here in era 1 of my history of dreamshare, by saying that the first experiments w whatever prototype eventually became the pasiv went v poorly bc scientists were js immediately chucking ppl into limbo. like, that’s the default state of dreams w the pasiv, and all the rest came later. so. in a natural dream, ur brain rationalizes anything, and u get the most vividly detailed backstories and explanations for stuff that makes so much sense until u wake up, which is all also true for limbo. this is the reason limbo is so dangerous, is because ur brain’s working overtime to make u forget u’re dreaming and dying to wake up doesn’t work unless u’re absolutely sure u’re dreaming. so the 1st major breakthrough in dreamshare was being able to remember that u were dreaming when u went under.

the first thing the scientists figured out how to do was hold a setting in their head as they were going under so that they could go there in the dream. at this point, they don’t distinguish between settings out of memory and completely original settings bc it hasn’t occurred to them yet. they just knew that trying to imagine a place instead of diving right under puts limits on the dream that help to keep u from getting dragged under and away by ur own subconscious.

to some ppl, the natural thing to do is access a memory. this does interesting things to the makeup of the dream, because memories of places, depending on the person, are constructed from a bunch of different combinations of sounds, smells, visuals, and indefinable ‘feel’ of the dream. to other ppl, the natural (most interesting) thing to do was invent an imaginary setting--mbe a place from a book/movie/tv show (if u don’t watch them closely u js get star trek all the time. so much star trek) if they’re a little creative, or a brand-new fantasyland if they’re a lot creative. these dreams tend to be mostly visual in makeup, since their inspiration is mostly visual. it takes a lot more effort to add details like sounds and smells bc those aren’t instinctively/automatically part of the way the dreamers are used to experiencing, say, the bridge of the enterprise. It’s harder to make imaginary settings feel real, and this is why it’s comparatively more dangerous to dream from memory. the problem is that the way ur brain interprets and stores select information about a place is more concerned with gathering a coherent narrative of the place than with retaining any objective details. recalling this narrative is a subconscious act/uses ur instinctive mental processes while building a new scenario requires ur higher functions. letting ur subconscious run the show instead of staying consciously in charge urself runs the risk of lapsing into natural-dreaming confusion and falling into limbo.

this is the early days of the technology, where scientists didn’t have the expertise to make dreams stable, and the somnacin formula was still crude enough that u could drop from a structured dream into limbo pretty easily, no sedation required. dying in a dream, for example, had about a 50/50 chance of waking u up or sending u to limbo. the brain has no frame of reference for how to experience dying, so it’s completely disruptive to the plot of the dream--it has to end. so depending on how much the subconscious--as opposed to active cognition--was in charge of the dream, either u wake up or ur subconscious takes over completely to smooth over the confusion and u’re lost in limbo. dying wasn’t the only thing disruptive enough to destabilize a dream in those days either, tho. shock--ranging from injury to just surprise at something bizarre--and high emotion could also do it. this happened a lot bc those early dreams were still p close to natural dreams and rly weird shit happened all the time.

as somnacin got more sophisticated, it got better at suppressing the rampant subconscious and putting the rational mind in charge. constructed dreams left some of the psychedelic weirdness behind and started playing by logical rules, but that was still the given value of ‘logical’ that meant whatever the dreamers understood to be true, regardless of how that matched up w real-world physics. also, dying became the only thing disruptive enough to throw u out of a dream, because the somnacin, by reassigning the lion’s share of the mental processing work to the slower, more effortful systems of reasoning, dampened emotional responses a little. it forced the mind to extrapolate how the situation--usually an injury or smth--would play out instead of js panicking and slamming the eject button. the last major effect of the new somnacin was that waking up was now almost the guaranteed effect of dying, and u only went into limbo if waking up wasn’t an option. almost guaranteed, bc it wasn’t perfect yet, and how could it ever be when it comes to messing around w brain chemistry. but almost was enough for the military and they offered funding and soldiers as test subjects in return for use of the technology as a training tool.

this is the end of era 1! and the post is getting big enough and it’s been in my drafts long enough that i want to end this here. i’ll finish later, probably by reblogging this instead of making a new p.4 post, so check the notes!

#i find conditional tense to be disproportionately annoying #so the disclaimer is the last i act like i'm anything less than god handing down gospel lol #so sorry abt that but i'm so interested in what anyone else might think!#i'm dying to expand on dreamshare as a worldbuilding element even if u conceptualize it totally different #also i can't believe i've written so much on this by now but bram set me off and i can't find my chill #inception #yes absolutely #running my mouth #arthur #ariadne #dom cobb #eames

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literaturegeek53 · 5 years

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Sherlock Holmes - Character Analysis

Introduction

The character of Sherlock Holmes needs no introduction. He is the most famous detective in the world and almost everyone knows who he is. Which is why I decided to base a character analysis on this phenomenon. However, doing so has been a tedious task. Nevertheless, this article contains certain perspectives about the character which I deduced and hold as personal opinions and I have tried to verify and validate it to my utmost possibilities. However, as the reader goes through this article they may come across certain concepts which they either agree or disagree too. Therefore, I would like to inform that this is but a single perspective regarding an extraordinarily complex character. Various other perspectives and concepts can be and are derived from the character of Sherlock Holmes. Thus, this specific article strives to deliver my perspective.

Hence, for the purpose of elucidation, this article has been divided into the following sections:

1. Sherlock Holmes and the ‘brain-attic’

2. Sherlock Holmes and ‘deduction skills’

3. Sherlock Holmes and John Watson

4. Sherlock Holmes and ‘boredom’

The character of Sherlock Holmes is very intricately woven with quite a few layers of complexities to which each individual reader relates differently, which is why it has continually charmed and entertained readers for more than a decade. As much as it appears to be human rather than fictional, there are a few more peculiarities about this character which makes it stand out amongst all the others; discerning all of which is perhaps next to impossible. However, as mentioned above, this article will try and break down the character of Sherlock Holmes so that we can begin to comprehend the artistry with which Sir Arthur Conan Doyle pieced his character together.

Sherlock Holmes and the ‘brain-attic’:

To begin with, Sherlock Holmes most famous ‘brain-attic’ – a place which he has masterfully designed and stored with information – or furniture, as he would put it – which may come in handy to him in his profession as a consulting detective. The theorizing and implicating of this magnificent project into real life is no small feat – we as readers realize that. Which helps us fathom the intellectual capabilities of the character of Sherlock Holmes. He is not just ‘smart’, or ‘brilliant’, or a ‘genius’, he is above them all. He has equipped himself with knowledge in almost every field, especially in chemistry and yet he is not a scientist and neither a doctor. Out of all the professions in the world – any of which he would have excelled in – he chose to formulate his own profession: a consulting detective.

What does this tell us, the readers, about this character? That he is cocky, perhaps? As Doctor John Watson informs his readers repeatedly that Holmes was egoistic. And so he is. He is the kind of person who would want to ‘stand out’ amongst all the others. He wouldn’t want to be numbered or referred to as any other ‘normal human being’ but rather an ‘extra ordinary human being’. He possess this tendency right from the start of the novel ‘A Study in Scarlet’ and throughout the short stories and novels to come. A simple example of this would be the time when Sherlock refrained himself from explaining to John his reasons for believing that the case was already solved and that he had all the facts he needed until the very end of the story in the novel ‘The Hound of Baskerville’.

Likewise, through understanding his execution of ‘brain-attic’ we can also infer how organized Holmes might be if he were truly a real person. Because storing all of that knowledge and compartmentalizing accordingly is a very egregious job which requires profound organization skills. The fact that Holmes was successful at achieving this feat alludes the readers into believing that he would have been just as organized in real life as he was with his ‘brain-attic’ – however, in the stories he is quite the opposite. Also, just as careful and picky; as he stored only that which he deemed useful and discarded the rest. Anything which he deems unimportant is supposed to be ‘forgotten immediately’ so that there is more space for storing that which is important. This points towards his sense of importance.

Moreover, as we begin to know the character more and more we realize what this cockiness and egotism does for Holmes: it renders him friendless. As readers we completely contemplate why that is, which is one of the most amazing factor about this character that he is so real that we can actually understand its qualities and judge it accordingly. No person would want to be friends with someone who is as proud, egoistic and uncaring as Holmes – it would drive anyone mad! And it drives Watson mad several times on numerous occasions. However, the fact that Watson sticks with him for such a long period of time, again, says something about our egoistic character, whom at first seems devoid of sentiments and the human touch. What it says is that overtime, without a doubt, Holmes develops feelings for his companion. He becomes his friend – best friend – someone who he can count upon, someone who he knows will always have his back. Moreover, both of them also share this hunger and thirst for adventure instilled within them which is why at each adventure, each case, each new homicide both of them seem as excited, enthusiastic and curious as the other. Hence, making them two of the most compatible partners in the history of detective partners.

Sherlock Holmes and ‘deduction’ skills:

Moving on, secondly – and probably the most obvious – Holmes’s ‘deduction’ skills. These skills are weaved into Holmes with such proximities that no other human being has ever been capable of similar deduction as per his caliber – except for his brother Mycroft. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s biggest and most remarkable achievement – in my opinion – for his famed character comes through his skills of deduction.

However, how does this prominent attribute portray this character to us? It exemplifies to the readers that he is a ‘logician’, which means he is practical and sensible to the very core. Anything which would be characterized as nuisance or illogical would seem improbable to Holmes. Moreover, it also suggests that he is a very keen observer, as he puts it in his own words: “you see but you do not observe.” He has honed his observing skills to the zenith and uses his acquired knowledge on numerous subjects in order to deduce and gather reasonable and logical conclusions. This again suggests that his brain has been trained to think and process information logically and to disregard that which defies logic. This perspective explains to the readers a lot about Holmes’s psychology and how he might have trained his brain to work accordingly.

Furthermore, this explanation could expound the reasons for his disregard for human sentiment. It is because sentiment defies logic. Since Holmes’s brain is wired to accept that which is according to logic only, his brain is incapable of understanding or registering human sentiment; which is why he does not have any friends and does not seem to care that he doesn’t have friends. Which is also the reason why he takes such pleasure in even the most horrible of cases which induces fear and horror into its victims and turns their lives upside down.

This can be further understood through his own words: “But love is an emotional thing, and whatever is emotional is opposed to that true cold reason which I place above all things. I should never marry myself lest I bias my judgment”. This explains that anything other than dispassionate objectivity purged of the personal was less than what Holmes aspired to. He prided himself in having no prejudices and of following docilely wherever facts may lead. His approach permeated his whole approach to life. Which is why he declares that he shall never marry himself.

Sherlock Holmes and John Watson:

The friendship of Holmes and Watson is more of a brotherhood; both of them soon find it difficult to live without the other because they have grown so used to each other. In this context, through analyzing the character of John Watson we, the readers, can grasp a better understanding of Sherlock Holmes’s character – atleast one aspect of his character. This is because no one knows Holmes better than Watson, and since he is the one narrating their adventures it seems very fitting to understand Holmes’s character through Watson’s formulated perspectives about him.

Firstly, we know that Watson thinks of Holmes as egoistic, too smart, show off, and a machine. As he writes in his own words trying to explain the enigma which is Sherlock Holmes: “He was, I take it, the most perfect reasoning and observing machine that the world has seen”. Besides that, as readers delve into the relationship between these two beings, they realize that both of them hold immense gratitude and reverence for each other. Watson envies Holmes’s arsenal of deductive reasoning while Holmes envies – even though he barely vocalizes it – Watson’s companionship and his never altering friendship. This alludes towards reasoning that Holmes is, in fact, capable of human sentiment. That in his brain-attic there somewhere lies a minute essence of human sentiment which reacts vigorously in accordance to Watson and his friendship.

Moreover, through their companionship we, the readers, also discern that Holmes is very loyal and an honorable man. He honor’s his friendship with Watson very much, risking his life for him on numerous occasions. This also suggests that Sherlock Holmes – who was first incapable of making any friends – later on develops an abiding relationship with John Watson; a relationship which he would never risk for anything in the world because he values it too much. This as a result gives us an important insight into what Holmes deems most valuable in his life, besides his work and cases. One can ascertain that because of his relationship with John Watson Sherlock Holmes evolves into a better man – perhaps the best version of himself; as Watson too states towards the ending of ‘His Last Vow’ that Holmes was one of the greatest ma he ever knew. Hence, we can then comprehend how John Watson, his companionship and friendship were an important tool in order for Sherlock Holmes to become the best of himself. Thus, illustrating the importance of their friendship for both of them, as Watson found a best friend himself with whom he lived numerous breathtaking adventures which he would never forget.

Sherlock Holmes and ‘boredom’:

Anyone and everyone who knows Sherlock Holmes knows this simple fact that he disdain’s boredom. He feels repelled by it. His brain needs to be stimulated the whole time. If not then he becomes restless.

What does this say about his psychological condition? That he constantly needs to work. Since his brain is a receptacle of such vast amounts of knowledge he constantly needs to use it for something or the other, or else he would soon lose his mind. In contemporary terms, this would be classified under a psychological disease.

The question is, then, that how does a psychologically ill person become such a great detective? The answer is simple. It is because he made it a part of his life, a part of himself; solving puzzles, solving cases, constantly working at one thing or the other, striving to unravel some sort of mystery every day. That is what makes Sherlock Holmes who he is, that is what makes him tick.

Another thing which we can discern is that Sherlock Holmes fear’s boredom. He dreads it – almost like a kid who dreads monsters. It is because his brain is wired that way. It has a certain system through which it works and boredom or idleness is hazardous for that system.

Likewise, due to his fear of boredom, Sherlock Holmes has a motive to work, actually work, for his cases. Because he knows that these cases are all he has to subside his boredom by stimulating his mind.

Moreover, this perspective could also explain why he chose the profession of a consulting detective rather than being a doctor or an industrialist. It is because he was aware of the fact that those other jobs and professions wouldn’t be able to simulate him and his brain in the manner in which the profession of a consulting detective would. He was aware that being a doctor offered no sort of a challenge or a puzzle. However, being able to solve crimes committed by human beings, each yielding different psychological opinions and justification of their acts, was a lot more challenging and stimulating.

Conclusion

Sherlock Holmes is a highly complex character. I don’t think that anyone, besides his creator, will ever fully understand him – which is what makes him even more interesting. Even then, it is no secret that by understanding characters we can better understand human beings, because human’s are the ones who create these characters and in doing so they carve out a part of themselves, a part of their consciousness, and induce it within them so that they feel realistic and alive. Sherlock Holmes is a very prominent example of this theory. Mainly because it hasn’t ceased to intrigue audiences even after all these years, and at some point in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s life he was asked whether he had based this character of his on an actual human being.

Therefore, I think that understanding characters is of great importance. They provide us with a whiff of psychological trance which we wouldn’t otherwise be able to receive from a normal human being. Again, Sherlock Holmes is a prominent example of this and elucidated above.

Hence, I would urge the students of English Literature to better analyze and understand this character so that they can themselves understand the nature of human beings better through it, which will ultimately help them understand literature, nature, and life better.

#sherlock #sherlock holmes #englishliterature #english blog #english literature analysis #my writing #amwriting #husain necklace

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flyingthehedge · 6 years

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How to Hedge Ride + Flying Ointments

It's that time! Time to hedge ride, witches! This is a very lengthy post and content dense, so please bear with me.

Altered State of Consciousness

An altered state of consciousness (ASC) occurs when your mind and spirit separate from your body. This separation can be achieved through both natural and induced means, and it is in this state that hedge riding occurs. While you are fully awake during ASC, your mind works differently, just below the surface of full consciousness as opposed to unconsciousness where you are unaware of your surroundings and things are hidden from you. ASC is very similar to astral projection. Astral projection, however, is generally a natural occurrence and is usually not induced. ASC, however, is always deliberately induced, generally in a ritualistic setting.

Drugs are often used to reach an ASC, but I do not suggest using drugs, especially during hedge riding because of the dangers the Otherworld poses. Furthermore, many drugs, apart from marijuana, can drastically alter the chemistry of your brain and cause lasting damage. Safer means of entering into ASC include chanting, drumming, dancing, or listening to your own heartbeat. These methods require more concentration than drugs but do not pose the same health risks. To make reaching ASC easier, you must understand that you are part of an integral universe, not separated from it.

So how exactly does one enter an ASC? There are several safe ways, my personal favorite being shamanic drumming.

1. Shamanic Drumming: As mentioned, this is my favorite method for reaching ASC. First, there are TONS of shamanic drummings on YouTube. I created a YouTube channel containing some of my favorites. Feel free to use them to reach an ASC. Second, shamanic drumming has a clear start and end beat that will safely pull you back to reality. The signal usually occurs a couple of minutes before the end of the drumming session, allowing the listener to make their way back to their bodies. This is particularly great if you are a solitary practitioner like myself that doesn't have someone else around to rely on. Sometimes my cats will gently bring me back, but for the most part, I'm on my own. Listen to the drum beats prior to riding to figure out exactly what their signal to come back is. I strongly suggest your first several rides only be 15-20 minutes long. There are lots of shorter shamanic drumming sessions available, so start there. It will take time before you can work up to the longer ones.

2. Shamanic Music: This is very similar to drumming, but contains more than just drums. Usually, you will hear rattles and chanting. Again, there are several listed on YouTube if drumming alone isn't right for you. I find voices distracting and rooting, but you may find that's exactly what you need to leave your body.

3. Rattling: You can do this yourself or look up a song on YouTube. There are shamanic rattlings listed, but I've found it most effective to use the rattle yourself. Not only does the sound help you enter an ASC, but the motion and swaying to keep the beat also helps.

4. Dancing: Dancing is another way to enter an ASC, but is one of my least favorite ways because of its difficulty. This is extremely tiring, as you basically dance until you want to drop. You want to do this in a warm room or outside around a fire, where the lights are dim for a prolonged period of time. As you dance, you should begin to sweat, which helps force you into an ASC. I suggest pairing dancing with music of some sort or chanting to make the transition easier. I have very little experience with this method, so cannot comment further, but shamans from around the world have been using this method for centuries, so it obviously works.

5. Chanting: Chanting is very similar to drumming and rattling to reach an ASC. You can chant yourself, which is most effective, or listen to shamanic chanting on YouTube. I would pair chanting with another action to increase its effectiveness.

6. Your Heatbeat: Listening to your heartbeat is another effective method. Your heart beats like a drum, making it a free way to enter ASC. Sit or lay in a quiet room and use your heartbeat instead of shamanic drumming. If you need to, use earplugs to help you hear your heart better. This is a great method to use if you are in a body of water, like a bath, pool, or lake. Having your ears underwater makes it difficult to hear outside noises, but it tends to amplify your ability to hear your heartbeat.

Putting It All Together

So you've grounded yourself, set up your protections, decided on a purpose, and entered an ASC, now what? Now you fly! Go on...try it. Just kidding! It is a little more complicated than that. As I mentioned, you need to set the scene and properly protect yourself before you attempt to hedge ride. Once those are done, decide why you are going to hedge ride. Be specific. A good purpose for your first journey is to make it to the Lower Realm. You need to state this out loud and continue to repeat the statement in your mind until you reach your goal. It can be as simple as "I will travel to the Lower Realm." Once the purpose is firmly in your mind, pick an above-mentioned way to reach ASC and let go.

To enter into the Otherworld, you first have to cross the hedge or veil. This is done by passing through a portal of some sort. This portal takes a different form for each person, but it could be a storm drain or road tunnel, a hollow tree trunk, cave, door, or even a triad portal, like what's depicted in The Nightmare Before Christmas. I'm being serious here. I always enter into the Otherworld the same way. I begin by first imagining myself at my childhood home. We had some steps that led down the side yard and into the woods. Our backyard was completely wooded and very steep. There was a deer trail I used to follow as a child all the way down to the lake. I take this same path to hedge ride. (Over the Garden Wall anyone?) I walk it until I find a large tree with a large hole in it. Sometimes this tree is alive and well, other times it's dead and broken. Sometimes I walk for what feels like forever to find the tree, while other times I find it quickly. The times it takes me a while to find the tree are the times when I am having trouble focusing on my intent. Sometimes my mind is just too busy to find the doorway quickly, and that's okay. ADD for the win! I spent the majority of my very first hedge riding journey trying to find the entrance to the Otherworld. Don't worry if it takes you multiple journeys to make it there. It takes time and practice, and very few people get it on their first try. In fact, I have read accounts where a rider spends their entire journey walking a long dark tunnel, never to reach the light at the end. Do not be deterred if this happens to you too.

Once you have found your entrance to the Otherworld, continue through it into the tunnel. This tunnel can, again, take many forms. Mine are steps downward deep into the Earth when I travel to the Lower and Middle Realms. When I travel to the Upper Realms, I enter the tree and climb upwards. The tree and steps are always dimly lit, like twilight, as this is the veil that separates our world and the Otherworld. Continue walking until you break free of the veil and pass into the light. Again, don't worry if you don't reach the light on your first try. Take a break and come back to it another day. When I reach the bottom or top of the steps, I always travel through a damp cave and finally cross into the Otherworld when I pull the plants away that are blocking the entrance, kind of like in the movie Tangled. It is always the same path for me, although the sights may change slightly. To come home, I ALWAYS return the exact same way. I do not come back to my body until I make it back to the bottom step of the garden path of my childhood home. You should have a very similar marker or spot that leads you directly back to your body. I know where I left mine each and every time I ride. It is important you do the same. Soul separation is very real and very dangerous. Please make sure you take the proper precautions to ensure you return safely.

When you begin hedge riding, you should familiarize yourself with the Lower Realm first. This is the safest place to travel. Once you are experienced, have met your animal guides, and are familiar with the Lower Realm, then travel to the Middle and Upper Realms. Do not begin with very many expectations. Your journeys will become more complex the more experienced you become, so let it come naturally. If you are struggling to cross the veil, even after multiple rides, something may be blocking you from entering. Self-doubt is likely the cause. Get yourself together, find the blockage, and remove it before trying again.

Moving Between Realms

On one of my last posts, a reader asked if I could explain how to travel between the realms, especially if you are already in one of the realms. Traveling between realms is quite simple, but until you are experienced, and I mean riding for a solid 6 months to a year regularly, you shouldn't leave the Lower Realm. There are several ways to enter each of the realms, and the method that works best for you will come with time. As I mentioned, I take stairs down to the Lower and Middle Realms. For me, these two realms overlap, and sometimes I don't realize I have crossed between them until I encounter my Garden, which I will talk about in another post, or I run into spirits not commonly found in the Lower Realms. For other hedgewitches, the transition is more clear. They must travel back up to the Middle Realm from the Lower Realm to get there. Moving between realms can occur within your portal or within each realm. For some hedgewitches, they must travel back to their portal to access each realm. This is the safest and surest way to make it between realms. Getting lost while traveling in the Otherworld is extremely dangerous, so its best to retrace your steps and use methods are known to work, especially when you are first starting out.

As you hedge ride and become more experienced, you may find you find portals to the other realms within each realm. As I mentioned, I have never found a portal between the Lower and Middle Realms, that I somehow flow freely between the two, but other hedgewitches recall passing through a cave, door, or another passageway to go to the Middle Realm from the Lower Realm. To go to the Upper Realm from both Lower and Middle, I suck in air and act like I am a balloon and float upward until I reach the Upper Realm. When you pass into the Upper Realm from the Lower and Middle, it feels like you are passing through a membrane, like when you pass something through a bubble without it popping. It feels the same way. The Upper Realm is also much brighter and more iridescent than the other realms, visually setting it apart from the others. To travel down, you can fly or float back down or take the stairs in your portal or stairs you find going down elsewhere in the Realm. As I said, the best method of traveling between realms is to go back to your portal and travel via those means.

Another way to travel between the realms safely is to ask your animal guides to take you there. Meka, my red fox, often takes me on her back to travel long distances. Rocar has also assisted me in flying to the Upper Realm and back down to the Middle Realm. Once you establish a working relationship with your guides, they will often help you travel between the Realms with ease, sometimes without you realizing where you are traveling at first.

To find portals within each realm can be difficult and takes time and intuition. When in doubt, as your guides what you have found. An experienced hedge rider is able to seek out these portals, or thin spots called caol ait. This is a skill that comes with time and experience, so don't rush it. The more your hedge ride the easier it becomes and the more vivid the experiences.

Flying Ointments

I have never used flying ointments before, but some hedgewitches do. Flying ointments were traditionally used by hedge riders to reach an ASC prior to hedge riding. Historically they contained toxic plants, like belladonna and henbane, and sometimes nontoxic plants like mugwort mixed with an animal fat that when applied to the body, especially near a major artery, would induce a trance-like state. These herbs do this by activating your pineal gland. Many of the flying ointments on the market today are not actually flying ointments at all, but a gimmick to swindle you out of your money. I don't want to get into too much detail about flying ointments in this post as it is already incredibly lengthy, but they should be mentioned alongside other methods of reaching an ASC. I plan on writing a more detailed post in the future, but if you are looking to learn more about flying ointments right now, please read Sarah Anne Lawless's Introduction to Flying Ointments and her Flying Ointment FAQs for more information.

Interest in the rest of the series? Make sure to keep an eye out for upcoming posts!

Hedge Riding Series

What is Hedge Riding?

Realms of the Otherworld

Focusing the Mind: Getting Ready to Ride

Preparation + Hedge Riding Sachet

Hedge Riding Etiquette: Do's and Don't's of Interacting with Spirits

Hedge Riding Safety Tips: Staying Safe Outside Our Realm

How to Hedge Ride + Flying Ointments

Seeking Your Animal Guides + My Animal Guides

Developing a Relationship With Your Spirit Companions

After You Hedge Ride: Coming Back to Earth

My Hedge Riding Experiences

Looking for more information on hedge witches? Check out my posts on the topic:

What is a Hedgewitch?

Hedgewitch vs Kitchen Witch

Meditation, Pathwalking, and Hedge Riding: Making Sense of It All

#hedge riding #hedgeriding #hedgewitch #hedge witch #witch #pagan #wicca #wiccan #hedgecrossing #witches of tumblr

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obsessive-fics · 6 years

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you’re gonna be my wound-chapter seven

Title: Dancing on My Own

Rating: T

Word Count: 2.1k

A/N: Thank you as always to @yourfriendlyblogstalker for being a great beta

[Read on Ao3]

[Previous Chapter]

[Masterlist]

“Okay, I’ve let this go on long enough. I think it’s time to stage a full blown intervention,” Dan said laughing. They were at Wednesday rehearsal, taking their five minute break after running the choreography to “Bitch of Living,” and he and Phil were walking towards their usual seats at the back of the auditorium.

“What?” Phil asked, as they took their seats in the audience.

“Your dancing. It’s awful. You might possibly be the worst dancer I’ve ever met,” Dan continued, reaching down to pick up his water bottle.

“You’re not exactly a prima ballerina yourself,” Phil replied petulantly, crossing his arms, which just caused Dan to laugh harder.

“Look, I’m trying to save you from breaking your legs. Which you almost do every single time we run ‘Bitch of Living,’” Dan pointed out, shrugging.

“I hate it when you’re right, you know that?” Phil sighed, picking up his water bottle.

“I do. Hence it being my favorite past time,” Dan replied, and Phil laughed and shoved him. “Come over to mine, we’ll move the furniture out of the way, and I’ll help you not fall off your chair.”

“Okay. Okay, sure,” Phil agreed after a minute.

“Oh, Louise look! Could this be the moment?” PJ asked as he and Louise walked over to sit next to them.

“No way, they’re sitting too far apart,” Louise replied in a stage whisper.

“What are you two talking about?” Dan asked, looking up at them. Whatever it was couldn’t be good.

“We’re placing bets on when you’ll declare your undying love for each other,” Louise told him grinning, and he really did have the worst best friend ever. He told her as much, but Louise just laughed.

“One day you’ll thank us. So what were you actually talking about?”

“Phil’s terrible dancing,” Dan replied laughing.

“Hey! It’s not that bad,” Phil protested immediately, causing the rest of them to burst out in a fit of laughter.

“It’s pretty bad. Have you ever landed correctly in your chair during ‘Bitch of Living’?”

“Remember that time he landed on the stage?” Louise aksed.

“Remember that time we were doing the roll off the chairs and he almost rolled offstage?” PJ added. That one had been pretty spectacular. Every single person in the number broke character to make sure he hadn’t broken anything.

“I hate all of you,” Phil muttered, glaring at them.

“It’s okay, that’s why we’re going to work on it,” Dan reassured him, and very decidedly ignored the look he could feel Louise giving him.

“I guess,” Phil relented. He still sounded less than pleased, but Dan was gonna take it as a win.

“It’ll be fun- and I won’t record you when you fall over,” he teased gently in an attempt to lighten the mood. It seemed to work, as some of the tension left Phil’s shoulders.

“Shut up,” Phil said, laughing and shoving him just as Ms.Jay called them back on stage to run the song with the lyrics this time.

“This is so unfair. You basically get to sit down the entire number,” Phil groaned later as they moved the couch against the wall and out of the way.

“I don’t sit down the entire number. Besides, do you know how hard it is to sit still during that song?” Dan asked, walking over to the kitchen to grab chairs.

“I would rather sit still than jump around on a chair. I almost died earlier,” Phil replied, and they both couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“It’s gonna be fine. I’ll be your human safety net,” Dan announced placing a chair next to him.

“Are you sure you’re up for that? I will almost definitely fall on you at one point,” Phil said, looking absolutely terrified. Dan racked his brain for something comforting to say to make him feel better, but comforting people wasn’t exactly his strong suit. Instead, he just shrugged.

“Just don’t break the chair- I do not want to explain that one to Louise.”

Phil gave him a look, and then sighed. “Let’s just get this over with.”

“Okay. Do you want to start with the places you have the most trouble?”

“I don’t even know where we’d start. Let’s just do the entire thing without music, and you stop me where I need help,” Phil suggested, and it was actually a pretty brilliant idea, so Dan nodded.

“You want to sing so we know where we are in the song?” he asked as Phil sat down to get started.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay,” Phil agreed, and Dan counted him in so he knew when to start. It was all going relatively well, the two of them singing the lyrics, as Phil did the choreography in his chair until they got to the first chorus.

It’s the bitch of living

With nothing but your hand

Phil was meant to stand up in his chair and spin around on the first line, jumping down and stomping to center stage on the second, but he spun right off the chair. Without really thinking about it, Dan ran forward and caught him before he could completely wipe out.

“Thanks,” Phil breathed, looking up at him, the shock evident on his face. Phil's eyes were even more vibrant up close, flecks of green and gold disrupting the ocean of blue they usually were. Dan was aware on some level that he was staring, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. What was happening right now? Something started to vibrate between them, snapping him out of it immediately.

“Sorry,” they both said at the same time, and laughed.

“My phone,” Phil explained as they detangled themselves and checked it.

“It’s Dodie, she wants to see if we can run our scene. Do you mind if she comes over?” he asked, even though he was already typing a reply.

“We were kind of working on something,” Dan pointed out, suddenly really annoyed. Here he was, taking time out of his day to help Phil where he so desperately needed it, and Phil was blowing him off without even a thank you. Well, he wasn’t actually blowing him off, it just… felt like it for some reason.

“I can tell her no if you need me to, Dan,” Phil replied, giving him a confused look, and Dan realized how ridiculous he was being. He just… Didn’t like having his plans altered, that was all. Dodie was a perfectly nice person, and her and Phil’s scene was one of the most important emotional beats in the whole show. Of course she could come over.

“She can come over. But you’re not getting out of the dancing part of this,” Dan said finally when he realized he’d just been standing there frowning at the wall.

“Wouldn’t dream of it. Hope you’re prepared to catch me. A lot,” Phil replied, texting Dodie back, and sitting down in the chair again. They managed to run the entire song a few times, and besides Phil managing to roll backwards into his chair instead of off it, it actually went pretty well.

“That was really good!” Dan said after they finished the last run through, “you’ve just gotta stop overthinking it.”

“I know, I know. Who would’ve thought worrying about falling was what was causing me to fall?” Phil asked, just as they were interrupted by a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it,” Dan told him, and went to go let Dodie in.

“Hey Dan! Thanks for letting us rehearse here,” Dodie said brightly, waving at him.

“Uh… Sure,” Dan answered stepping aside and closing the door behind him. “Phil’s in the living room.”

“Do you think Dan was being weird earlier?” Phil asked as he walked Dodie back to her flat after they’d finished rehearsing.

“He was kind of pouty,” Dodie replied, shrugging.

Rehearsal had been going really well. Dodie was hugely dedicated, and already offbook, so for the most part Phil had been following her lead. They had run the majority of the scene, up until Ilse’s exit before Moritz's monologue, and were about to run the song, when Phil figured they should get a third opinion on how it was going.

“Dan, how was that?” he’d asked, looking over to where Dan had his head buried in his laptop.

“Fine,” Dan muttered, without looking up.

“Dan,” Phil said again, crossing his arms. Dan was always going on about how important this was, giving him advice he didn’t ask for, and now that he actually wanted Dan’s input on something, he was being completely indifferent.

“Fine. Just run it again, I wasn’t watching,” Dan replied, looking up. Phil opened his mouth to argue, to point out that he should’ve been watching in the first place, but Dodie broke in before he could.

“We could always use more practice,” she said gently, and he could tell she was trying to avoid a fight, so he relented.

“Fine. Are you watching this time?” Phil asked, turning to Dan, who made a big show of closing his laptop.

“You have my undivided attention,” he said, and the two of them glared at each other until Dodie spoke up, reminding them of her presence.

“Phil, your line is first.”

“Right, sorry,” Phil said, and then opened up his script. He couldn’t worry about Dan and his passive aggressiveness right now. He had to become Moritz, and Moritz had way bigger things to worry about than brown eyed boys that caught you in their arms one minute, and were cold and distant the next. Not that he cared. At all.

“Good night, Ilse,” he recited, sounding as dejected as he could.

“Good night?” Dodie as Ilse asked, looking up at him, equal parts hurt and confused.

“Virgil, the equations… Remember?” he replied, looking away, barely believing what he was saying himself.

“Just for an hour,” Dodie pleaded, placing her hands on his chest.

“I can’t,” he said, placing his hands over hers.

“Well, walk me at least,” Dodie replied lightly, smiling up at him.

“Honestly, I wish I could,” he said sadly, gently moving her hands back to her sides. Dodie let the smile drop from her face, replacing it with a glare.

“You know, by the time you finally wake up, I’ll be lying on some trash heap.”

“How was it that time?” Phil asked, turning to Dan.

“It was good. You guys have good chemistry,” Dan told them, but he didn’t sound happy about it. Weren’t Moritz and Ilse supposed to have chemistry? Ultimately making his suicide all the more tragic? He’d have to read over the scene again.

“Thanks!” Dodie said, completely missing the change in Dan’s tone, and when had Phil started noticing the changes in Dan’s tone? He shook himself of the thought.

“You must be tired. I think we’re good for today, right, Dodie?” Phil asked, turning to her, and she nodded.

“I think Ms.Jay’s really going to love what we did with this scene. Good night, Dan,” she said, picking up her bag and putting the script inside.

“Good night, guys.”

Phil waited until Dodie was at the door, and then turned to Dan.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You’re not..?” he trailed off, not wanting to ask the question out right.

“No, Phil, I’m not having an episode. Jesus, I can’t believe you’d even ask me that,” Dan replied, sounding annoyed, and that had definitely been the wrong question to ask.

“I’m sorry, I just- I know that scene is a lot, and if it was to much for you-”

“I wouldn’t be doing the show if I couldn’t handle it,” Dan huffed cutting him off, and Phil nodded. Of course he wouldn’t. Dan knew his limits, he didn’t need Phil checking in on him.

“Right. Well, good night, Dan.”

“Good night, Phil.”

And then he and Dodie had left, laughing and singing their duet together, but a part of Phil’s mind couldn’t help but wander to Dan. He hoped he was okay.

“Earth to Phil,” Dodie called from next to him, waving a hand in his face.

“Sorry, I’m a little distracted,” he told her.

“It’s all good. This is my flat though- see you tomorrow?” Dodie replied, and he suddenly felt very bad he hadn’t been a more present… walking companion?

“I’m sure Dan’ll be okay. If you’re that worried, just text him. Good night, Phil,” Dodie said, patting his arm good naturedly, and walking up to her door.

“Good night,” he called back, and then headed in the direction of his own flat. It had been a long and confusing day, and the only thing he could really think to do to feel better was make a cup of hot chocolate and marathon Buffy. And maybe call his mum. Yeah, that sounded like a plan.

[Next Chapter]

#phanfiction #Phanfic #phan au #phanfic au

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bangtan-spells · 7 years

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Yoongi Scenario: Spoiled Baby.

Request: Hi girls😊 I want to request a scenario of our min yoongi where y/n is jealous after she sees a mv of bts where yoongi is rapping to a girl and when yoongi goes to visit her and ask for her opinion they have a little fight? Fluff ending please

Genre: Romance.

You were waiting in front of your laptop, seeing the youtube page and the hour, refreshing and wondering when would the music video be out. Remembering you could actually watch it on your TV you went for that, the bigger the screen the better, as any other Army you were waiting for the new BTS music video to be out and you couldn’t wait. Yoongi had been looking so extra hot lately you knew that music video was going to be fire.

You giggled to yourself thinking about it, Yoongi was so handsome, you didn’t go around telling him all the time but you loved your boyfriend to pieces and for you he was the most attractive man there was. The music video started and you squealed clapping watching the Big Hit intro and it came, this concept you were loving so much, for this one they had gone for a bad boy image mixed with the classiness of wealthy powerful men and each of them were pulling it off perfectly.

Yoongi was wearing all black which was the look that was as godly as it was sinful, you were afraid the stylists were going to go crazy with he clothes but they had stuck with these clothes and you were sending your appreciation to them and all holly beings.

The music was amazing as well, hype and a bit dark and the song had the right amount of sexiness, so much they even include a girl. You nodded watching her, they had chosen well, she was really pretty and was dressed sexy but not trashy, it was all good until the scene changed to an alley in which was only her and Yoongi.

It was Yoongi solo part and as expected he was putting to work all his tongue technology that if it was true turned you on, you didn’t enjoy seeing so close to another girl. The way he rapped to her was insinuating, the way his body leaned to hers like demonstrating interest and sexual desire, the attraction between them making the scene and the rap be more intense, it got you distracted from the mv itself as something inside of you was shot. A sensation that started in your stomach and brain and then you felt everywhere, you wanted that girl out of the picture and Yoongi as far away from her as possible. It was stupid since you knew this was just the mv, acting, but then you couldn’t help it, seeing him with another girl was hard. And then you frowned, Yoongi was a terrible actor, could it be that some of this attraction was real?

The music video ended, it had been good but all you could think was of that scene and the hours of filming, they practicing.

-I’ll watch again- you mumbled to your self seeing the video again which only made you angrier. Yoongi hadn’t mentioned this little detail with the girl, why was he hiding it?

You frowned and watched your phone, the last thing he had said was that they were going to be at the company doing the live pre show, then they would watch the video and film reaction and do some practice of the choreography. Then he was supposed to come to your apartment to have a rather late dinner together.

You inhaled sharply telling yourself to calm down and wait, instead of starting to recriminate over the phone like you wanted to do. But you knew it was best to do it in person, you wanted to see his face when you brought the issue over, Yoongi had some explaining to do.

Yoongi didn’t come to your house that night, as he had cancelled at last minute because something came up and they had to stay in the company until too late. In other occasion you wouldn’t have given much more thought than a little disappointment to not be able to see him, but for some reason your head was in overdrive, you had the scene with the girl still in your mind and you had been giving thought to many other things, like how he was really surrounded by girls all the time, not the fans, but the makeup artists, the stylists, they had their hands on him all the time and as you were right now it poured over your jealousy almost irrationally.

The next day came and this time Yoongi told you he was going to visit for a couple of hours in the afternoon since he had to go to record music shows at night. You appreciated the effort but you were stubbornly annoyed with the situation as the images of the girl and him doing many more things than in the music video burned in your mind. A part of you knew you were being terribly inmature, and another part was well aware that you couldn’t help it, you were possessive over him.

-Finally I’m here, sorry about last night- he said when he was inside your apartment.

You let him kiss you and then you started talking as he accompanied you to the kitchen to serve a slice of cake for both of you and sat there as he told you everything that was happening right now, the comeback and the hard practices and of course the music video. Bringing that up made your mind go that scene again and have the question at the tip of your tongue. You tried to control yourself and just not say anything but of course that was impossible.

-How you liked the video, you haven’t really told me- he observed and he stared at you curiously.

You shrugged. -It was amazing-

-And…?-

-And?- you repeated and Yoongi frowned.

-What do you think?- he was quiet for a few seconds and then he spoke again. -Something is off, you didn’t like it?-

-I did- you retorted. -It was well produced and the song is fire-

-So?- Yoongi was abit confused by your lack of enthusiasm and you tried hard to keep it to yourself but you couldn’t.

-I also think it was really funny see you with that girl, you know acting-

Yoongi laughed, he actually laughed which annoyed you more. -I tried-

-Yes, I saw you tried really hard- you answered venomously, Yoongi cocked his head and stared at you.

-What? You didn’t like that? It was just a scene-

-Are you sure about that? You don’t precisely act that well, but wow, the chemistry was over the top-

You bit your lower lip after saying that, putting the cake aside and Yoongi frowned as his expression changed to a serious one an he also put the almost empty plate to a side -Y/N, I can’t believe I have to state this, but it was just work-

-Perhaps you were enjoying your work a bit too much, how is her anyways? You don’t really put girls in music videos, why now?-

-Because the company and the team agreed it was the best for this music video, she’s a model and I only worked with her, that was it-

You crossed your arms and huffed. -I just… it’s really hard sometimes when you are always so surrounded by girls that touch you, and in this case that girl who I don’t know, maybe she liked the rapping a bit too much-

-That’s ridiculous Y/N, we have talked about this before-

You bit your lip again, not looking at his eyes, you knew he loved you, but being around so many girls all day, some of them beautiful, like this girl in the music video, made you question yourself, and even a little at Yoongi too -It’s just that they touch you so much, they are so close I… I trust you, but It makes me think bad things, more so with that girl being all over you-

Yoongi was annoyed, it showed in his tight lips and hard eyes. -What things?-

-You know, you liking that girl or any of them, what if you suddenly like one of them?-

He clicked his tongue and shook his head. -I don’t like any of them Y/N, they are just there and that’s part of the job, I don’t go there with the intention of hooking up with anyone, I don’t get why are you are so jealous-

You groaned. -Because you are surrounded by girls touching you all day! That’s not enough? It’s part of the job but sometimes I can’t help it-

-So you think any of those girls would have more meaning to me than you? than my commitment to you? The girl was acting and what if she liked the rapping? It’s part of my freaking job, for god’s sake-

Crossing your arms you sighed, you had to get a hold of yourself, he was right, you were more important, he loved you. But imagining the stupid girls get all over him made you want to scream, in particular that beautiful girl from the video. At the same time you reprimanded yourself, they weren’t stupid, you didn’t know those girls, the girl in the video didn’t have to like Yoongi, but still, they were so close to him. Puffing air you bit your lip to not say anything else, you weren’t making any sense. Yoongi saw you were obviously altered and for a moment you feared he was going to leave the room, leave you there since you were being a possessive little bitch.

He stood up but to your surprise he took your hand and started walking, dragging you with him until you were both in the living room sitting on the couch.

-You are too far- he stated, his tone of voice had changed and his annoyed expression had transformed to one of anger. -Come here- he commanded patting his lap.

You didn’t know what were his intentions, or what he was going to do next, so your eyes did go to his this time but Yoongi gave nothing away, if anything his gaze just demanded you to do as he said. So you moved a little until you were sitting on his lap, Yoongi opened his legs a bit to be more comfortable and then his arms were caging you, now you were in a position were despite being on top you couldn’t move.

-Yoongi…-

-Here you have it, you are all over me-

-Babe…-You whined unconsciously, causing Yoongi to squeeze you closer to him.

-What was that? You know, I think this attitude of yours is my fault- he licked his lips and you had to restrain yourself to not attack his mouth right there. -I’ve got you spoiled-

-I’m not spoiled, I just… I felt a bit insecure since I saw you with that girl and then I thought about all those times I’ve seen you surrounded by girls touching your face, your hair your, body, It’s a bit hard sometimes…- it made you blush to say it now, so close to him that your noses were just a few centimeters apart.

-Y/N- he said very seriously, your insolent gaze from just minutes ago was replaced by a softer one, waiting for him to keep talking. -I’m sure you always see the bangtan bombs and all the behind the scenes videos, don’t you?-

You nodded. -Yes, but what does it had to do with…-

Yoongi’s hands squeezed you tighter, making you gasp, his hands on your waist and lower back combined with the intense stare he was giving you made it all feel too good. -What am I doing when I’m not talking to the camera? When I’m just at the back-

Where did he want to go with these questions? You just wanted him to tell you he was yours and only yours and that he loved you to the moon and back, was that too much to ask? And of course kiss the day light out of him because he was being so bossy and demanding and in a slightly twisted way turned you on. -Sleeping?-

Yoongi’s hands moved, his left hand that was before on your lower back went down until he found its place in your back pocket, his right hand was now gracing your right cheek before placing a strand of loose hair behind your ear. -You’re being spoiled again- he said lowly.

-Of course not- you retorted.

His legs jolted up and you pulled all your body closer to him to not fall, although his left hand gave you enough support to not fall back to the floor. Your breathing had increased notably and more than ever you wanted to lean in and kiss his pink lips. Yoongi seemed to read your intentions because he smirked, but as you were going to fire some sassy line to low down his ego he tapped your but lightly, making you forget about what you were going to say -Answer me, am I fooling around with girls? am I flirting with the staff?-

You pouted. -You are not being fair-

This time he laughed, short and bitter -Fair? I spend all the fucking day working, to do what I love sure, but there’s a lot to it, you know that- he shook his head.

-I know! I was just feeling insecure and sensitive… - the words “I’m sorry” didn’t reach your mouth, but instead you decided to go in and kiss him, softly, the touch with his lips producing a reaction that traveled your whole body, electrifying. -In the videos…- you started, thinking about it as you grazed the tip of his nose with yours. -I’ve seen you a lot of times on the phone-

Yoongi nodded. -Talking with who? who could it be?-

You blushed, getting his point now, how he always had you present no matter if he was filming, working or out with the members. -Me- you answered in a tiny voice.

-Of course it is you, do you understand now? I reach for you at every given chance, I don’t give a fuck about other people-

Yoongi could get you blushing, heart racing and giddy with his sincerity, you felt like a fool now, being insecure about a man who felt so strongly for you was stupid and in Yoongi’s case it could drive him away, you realized then you had to become stronger and more mature in order to not lose him. -I love talking to you babe- you confessed hiding your face in the crook of his neck.

Yoongi stroked your back for a moment, placing a kiss at the tip of your ear just before speaking. -And you tell me you are not spoiled, please Y/N-

Pecking the spot on his neck where you had your lips you made him have goosebumps. -So what if I’m spoiled? you love me like this- you said now more daringly, pulling your torso upright again.

Yoongi licked his lips. -That’s true, but today you got us in all this trouble and discussion- at first you felt regretful, like after all you indeed had upset him and now he was going to be angry and silent for a while, but then you saw how in his lips started to dance a devilish smile that got your eyes sparkling. -You know I don’t like it, and you made us lose precious time with all that, what are you going to do about it?-

You tried to change positions so you could be straddling him but he didn’t let you, telling you with his eyes that in this little game he had the control. You didn’t know if it irritated you or excited you more. -Well…- you looked into his eyes, taking his hands away from you to straddled him like you wanted. -I could make up for it- you leaned in and kissed his right ear slowly. -What do you think oppa?-

Yoongi liked your defiance on moving despite his warning, and after the kiss on his soft spot you got him biting his lip and caressing your sides slowly but wantonly. -Since you are so eager I’ll let you compensate for your behavior-

-Can I oppa? Because you are mine- you knew the effect it had on him when you called him that, so you gave him a playful smile, feeling his hands keen to travel to other places on your body.

Yoongi nodded, he couldn’t hold it anymore as he pulled you to him again until your lips were touching. - And because you are mine too I’ll show you what happens to spoiled little girls who are naughty-

-Naughty girls have the must fun- you retorted making him throw his head back and laugh and you did so as well.

-I love you to death Y/N, but you’re so gonna get it-

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eeveelutionsforequality · 7 years

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About Split: I think it might be based on Billy Milligan; he was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder after he got arrested for three rapes. He had 24 personality, and apparently three of them committed the three different rapes. And like the 24th personality was used for achieving fusion of the other 23. Idk if this changes anything, I just wanted to give another point of view about this issue

But did he turn into a superpowered cannibal that could climb walls?

Like I said, my problems with the film aren't that it portrays someone with DID as capable of bad things, because we are, everybody is - we can be the bad guy, the good guy, and everything in between. In fact, each alter has the potential to be any one of those things. I accept that, and I accept that storytelling might use the fact that one face can hide two very different people to create tension, fear, confusion, and that's perfectly fine in my opinion.

What bothers me about the film is that DID alone isn't a superhero backstory - we can't change our bodies, we aren't "the next stage in evolution", we aren't "on a higher plain", we can't "alter our chemistry", as the movie proposes - we aren't mystical, magical beings. The psychiatrist in the film uses misconceptions about DID, describes that number of alters like it's unheard of, and promotes popular misinformations like that it can "cure blindness" (when in reality, it can simply cause like a psychosomatic blindness or other problems for certain alters, or lessen the degree to which things the body suffers with affect certain alters - for example, if a specific alter is a coping mechanism for a leg injury caused by the abuse, they may be unable to feel or use that leg long after the initial injury is cured, because the brain, when they're in control, believes that the leg is still damaged; or it can create a sort of placebo effect where the brain doesn't believe it has certain symptoms when a specific alter is present, so they present less, like when cancer sufferers drink "magical water" and feel better for a bit despite the water doing nothing). Contrary to what the psychiatrist character in the film says, DID couldn't cure blindness that was caused by any actual physical damage, in the film she says it "healed the nerves" but... it. can't. do. that - either the damage would have healed anyway or it wasn't there to begin with; people can become blind for various reasons, and some blindness is caused by the subconscious mind not communicating what the optical nerves say to the conscious mind, those people can still navigate rooms or smile back, but they don't know why they're doing it since they think they can't see, so an alter could have that type of blindness while another does not, which to an uneducated observer may appear like DID curing blindness. Does the film explain that? Does it use what can actually happen? Nope. It just makes up a bunch of nonsense about DID to explain the impossible scenario, instead of going "actually there's a real world explanation of why this happens, should we use that?" the writers went "lets make up something that sounds cool".

There's a Marvel mutant called Legion, and his mental illnesses (schizophrenia in some incarnations, DID in others) is linked to his mutation and interacts with it, but his mutation, his father being Prof. X, is why he has those powers, not his mental health issue. It would've been easy for Split to take a similar path, to come up with a separate reason for Billy/Dennis/etc's body to be mutated and then have their DID interact with that. But instead the film promotes the misinformation that people with DID have "unlocked" their mind, that they're capable of great feats of transformation (and not just the fact that he can change his clothes in 13 fucking seconds while switching), and so on.

It's like making a Deadpool who's powers were caused by his cancer - not by anything done to him while he had the cancer, not by the mutant gene, not by an unheard of magical strain of cancer, just by normal run of the mill cancer - and that ALL cancer sufferers have this magical, superhuman, mega evolved thing inside of them. Except in this hypothetical, there's also a common myth in the real world that it actually is possible for cancer to cause things that in reality it can't cause, and that cancer sufferers are dangerous, unstable, and the worst of the worst. People would want to correct that, and people would think that it's sloppy researching.

I guess, what it boils down to is that I'm complaining about bad writing and a lack of research. They came up with an unrealistic premise and, instead of delving deeper into the condition and deciding to create a situation in which the disorder and something else worked together to create "The Beast", they just sort of ran with "No this can totally happen"... AND THEN added a character who is supposedly an expert on this and had her spew some pseudoscience at the screen, that some people out there actually buy to a lesser extent.

I just don't like bad science. It's why I love The Martian so much, because it's a sci-fi film that's 99.9% based in scientific fact. Whereas, when I'm watching a sci-fi or horror film and I see something that can't happen, it takes me out of the film, and it annoys me because as a writer I research EVERYTHING and I hold other people to that standard. There are authors who studied historic London city maps meticulously for weeks and continuously while writing the books, and then there are authors who go "Eh, it probably had a bunch of poop everywhere so I'll just describe that and hope they don't notice that my character has taken eighty seven rights and then a left into what would actually be the river", and you can tell when reading or watching their work.

Also the term is "integration", not fusion. I nitpick. That is my problem. And given that I know quite a bit on this topic for obvious reasons, everything I saw of this film - adverts, reviews, clips, etc - bugged me. I will watch the film in full one day, but at the moment I'm too sick to get through that length of time of anything remotely triggering (which sucks because I also want to rewatch The Voices to talk about how the two differ and what makes The Voices a better film, despite both being films with mentally ill bad guys).

Anyway, yeah, I respect that some people like it, feel free to watch it... Just... Remember not to get your understanding of things from movies. And I know that sounds obvious to anyone with a brain, but the number of people I've seen (mostly on Facebook, some irl, some on YouTube) use "...like in Split", or use it as an example of someone with DID, or reference things said in the film to support their incorrect argument, is what probably really set off my dislike for this movie. Up until then I was just "ugh, another typical movie getting shit wrong, using misinformation, that everyone's complaining about because we need representation but no don't portray us like that, or like that, or like that, we are literal angels who are happy all of the time and if you show us being bad or unhappy then you're promoting ableism and blah blah blah", but seeing people genuinely fall for the bullshit in a movie pissed me off and sent me on a bit of a tirade a while back. I've since taken a step back and am more on the "It's just a movie" bandwagon, but I criticize other movies and media when they get things wrong so I'm not going to not criticize this one just because some people are going "It's just a movie, Jesus, you only care because you have DID and it hurt your feels to be the bad guy". Cause I think that's shitty of them and I think that's really misrepresenting my problems with this film from the beginning.

~ Vape

#Mod Vaporeon

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thekinotion-blog · 7 years

Text

Why I’m Here

I come here to you reluctantly. Being here, seeing you now is an act of desperation on my part, which I may regret in the future. All other attempts at salvation have ended time and time again failing me, driving me to the brink of madness. I have been telling myself again and again that I could get over my past, that I don’t need the help of other people. I had thought that people like you would only waste my time, and only make it worse. But my pain has been lingering for far too long. So if you believe that you can help me, or even if you are willing to listen, I will share with you, the dark, lingering ghosts of my past.

First, I should explain myself. My name is Daniel Penn. What I am about to tell you may come as a surprise, but I assure you it is all-true. I can remember it as if it were only yesterday. Yes--It could not have been that long ago. The chaos, danger, and insurmountable might were all that enveloped my life for that time. Even as I lie here now, just by closing my eyes, I see flashing vectors of the horrific trouble I caused, the people I hurt. I know that what I did--- by not listening to Father, the damages are near irreversible, or at the very least, the real damage will never be fixed.

Those books are what ruined me. Those books are what made me a monster. Those books destroyed the fabric of my psyche, causing me to spiral uncontrollably into the depths of sin with no hope for return. And although I had not realized it at the time, those books would be haunting my every waking moment.

Before getting into the important part of the story, I believe that some background may be important. Growing up at home I, for the most part, lived a very happy and fulfilling life. Every morning, Mother would wake me up for school.She shook my days up in interesting ways. Some days she would bang pots and pans to wake me, other days she would stifle me with pillows until I could no longer breathe. She was always happy too. Nothing could ever bring her down. Rain or shine, there was always a beautiful grin upon her face, especially at night.

After I would wake up, Father greeted me with breakfast, and let me tell you, his breakfasts were always something to marvel. As I would sit at the table, I would anxiously peer into the kitchen, my mouth watering akin to a fountain. I would be able to see Father cooking breakfast. It was amazing just to see him work. Although he would never say it, I believe that cooking made him happier than anything. Over the years, I began to learn of his favorite dishes, just by the frequency of what he cooks. On good days, I would have a plate of almost mystical mystery meat, with gravy poured over top of it very generously throughout. It was very fun to savor the food and take guesses at what the meat was, although I never guessed right. If not for the intense stomach aches, I would say this was the best time of day. On not so good days however, breakfast was instead a mix of toenails and shoe polish. This was always confusing because the nails looked to small to have come from either of my parents, but I shrugged it off. On those days I would have to spit up some blood to clear my throat of the meal, but Father seemed very pleased with what he had made, and I didn’t want to discourage his craft.

After breakfast would be school time. During school, Mother would sit me down in the living room to teach me a lot of things. You have your standards such as math, chemistry, English, and worship, which all shaped me into who I am today.

Around midday, Chemistry would begin. Chemistry… was an interesting subject. During this time I would mostly just be following recipes to whatever my parents would tell me to make. My parents would tell me that I need to transmute their iron into gold. I was confused for the longest time. I simply could not wrap my head around the idea of transmutation. It didn’t make any sense. How was I supposed to change one thing into another thing? This was a trial I had to deal with for years. I could never make any progress because my parents refused to let me read up on the subject, and they refused to teach me. I would wrack my brain for hours. By the end of each day if I had not successfully transmuted them gold, they would pour melted candle wax all over my body as punishment, searing my skin and gifting me permanent scars I can still see, and feel, today. Some days, I can still smell wax melting away my skin. But by the time I was ten, I was finally able to do it. After years upon years, and tears upon tears, I had learned how to transmute gold as much as I needed. It had seemed so obvious afterwards. All I had needed to do was alter the amount of protons, and change the atomic weight.

After surmounting this first trial, Father told me that I would need to begin studying on the philosopher’s stone, but for the time being Father was so happy with me that he had decided that I wouldn’t need to be on cleaning duty that night. It was truly a relief. But by the time I had finished that long, drawn out lesson, next my parents wanted me to learn how to summon demons.

And I must say, this was impossible. Despite three years of the nonsense, never once had I come anywhere near completing the task at hand. Time after time, day after day, the stress piled higher and higher further stretching the very limits to my sanity. With each failure, it was as if my brain was imploding, and if I’m being honest, I’m surprised my brain didn’t implode from the massive battering my skull received with each failure. I could feel the ever-growing ire emanating through every pore in Mother’s body. With each failing day her beatings became more painful, and they lasted longer and longer. But because of my failure, and my broken hands, I got a break from the fruitless attempts of demonic summoning.

Luckily, this all came to an end the day we began our worship hours. If not for daily reflection, I would whole-heartedly say that worship was the best time of day. During this time I would get to participate in the church. The church, I was told, is so that we can pray to our lord and savior, while also allowing me to ask for forgiveness due to my immense sin. I was so happy that I was given that chance. If not for it, I may not have been able to make it here today. It truly is a blessing to have a merciful hero looking down on me. As for how I would repent, that is a complicated question. This, like many other aspects of my childhood life, made little to no sense to me at the time. I simply could not wrap my head around the idea of mercy. From how I was raised, I had thought that mercy was just a myth. This is because mercy at any other point in the day did not exist. Any mistake, any question, any doubt, all would lead to the same result, pain.

Pain was the answer to all of my transgressions. So because I usually got hurt, not doing so at only one time of day was baffling, and even backwards to me. But despite my confusion, in time I learned to love all that I got to do during worship. With things like, eating stale crackers, to drinking my blood from a fancy glass, this truly felt like the high life.

At the very end of school, came lunchtime. Because of how long the rest of the day was up until this point, I was always very hungry by lunchtime. Lunch, of course, never did completely satisfy me, with the small portions and all, but it was what those portions were of, that made me so happy. Father always prepared lunch. All day I would every now and again get a smell of what he was cooking, and it made my mouth water. Most days’ lunch was a soup of sorts. The soup was a black, grimy, opaque goop smelling of burnt rubber, with chicken bones floating all around it. The sweet, unimaginable, potent smell would fill the whole house, at times distracting me from school. But at seven at night everyday, all of my wait and anticipation were all worth it. After English ended, Father and Mother would lock me in the closet while I ate. They told me that I had to be in the closet because the soup tasted better with an absence of oxygen, but because I couldn't breath while inside, i had to mentally train myself to eat it as fast as I could so I would get out sooner to breathe. Most days this caused me to vomit the soup back up, but I would just lick it up to clean the mess and the problem would be solved. After some time, I managed to make it so that I could eat it in five minutes, and by this point I stopped losing consciousness so that I could fully appreciate the meal.

After school was my daily reflection. At the time, daily reflection was my favorite part of the day, and looking back now I can only dream of the wonders to be had in the mold ridden depths of the dark, welcoming basement which I had learned to call my true home. If not for the circumstances, I would freely be visiting there even today. But alas, I am forced to live a life of anxiety and wait just wondering what I could be missing out on.

During daily reflection, Father would toss me down the stairs and leave me there for what I believe was around nine hours. Everyday, bruise after bruise would appear all over my body. Possibly remnants of falling down the stairs, but I was never conscious to know for sure. Once I would regain consciousness, my thoughts began to flutter about the wind and open up windows into the possibilities and wonders of my life. I could imagine my life going down so many paths. Be it taking up the mantel of priest, or even seeing the sun more than twice a year. Being down in the cold and dark basement with only my own thoughts and the mice crawling up and biting at my arm to keep me company, I would often think about my passions. I would think about how much I miss my brother, I would play with the crimson red blood oozing from my left arm, I would do just about anything that would stop the bad thoughts from engulfing my psyche. I tried day after day to resist the evil temptations of Jesus, trying to convince me to attempt heinous acts of sin. I would cover my ears and shout until he would stop telling me to leave the house. I knew that was just his attempt to lure me into the ways of evil. But I never listened. I knew to follow the rules Father gave me, and I obviously never told the police, not that I could.

After daily reflection came a more thrilling time of day, the ritual. There truly is nothing like getting to sit with my family in a circle singing songs during the candle-lit nights. I, of course, didn’t understand the words to the songs, but I joined in anyway because getting hit by Father hurts too much. After our singing I would have to stand in the middle of the circle while Mother would open up more blood holes in me for the sacrifice at times, it tickled, but at other times it hurt a lot, and afterwards I felt really tired and weak, but this was not yet the end of our game. All of the steps in the ritual would crescendo into a beauteous swirl of chanting and shouting at the sky, as Father would grasp my head and swing me near the stars. It would make me feel so very important.

Despite the plentiful events and activities I got to do throughout the day, there were only two things I could not do. Go outside, and read. This started around the age of seven. Funny enough, this was also when my brother left home. Oh brother, I yearn for you day after day. Father always told me that reading was absolutely forbidden. He never told me why, in fact every time I would ask he sent me back to the basement for required extra reflection. These weren’t as fun because the extra time had to be spent in the basement refrigerator, it would get so cold my fingers would get a burning sensation that caused me agonizing pain. Suffice to say, after a time I learned to stop questioning Father.

I never could accept not being able to read. Reading, from what my brother had told me, was an enthralling adventure, opening doors to worlds unseen, worlds that I could not have ever imagined. During the down time of my day, I would search through the house tirelessly trying to find even a manuscript so that I could finally experience the amazing spectacle that was fiction. I seem to recall being able to read around the age of seven, but those years are fuzzy to me now with the only surviving memory of that age being my wonderful brother.

The closest I had ever come to being able to read was around the age of thirteen. At the time I snuck into my parents’ room while Father was at work. It was around ten at night, with the moon eclipsing any possible view, and with all lights in the house being out, I thought there was no possible way I could get caught.

Entering the room, trying my best to mask the sin weighing me down to the floor boards, I tiptoed towards Father’s night stand, trying to be ever so quiet as to not disturb Mother while she was busy mopping up the blood from earlier that day. As I opened his drawer, I slowly but surely reached my hand in hoping to Lucifer that my mission was not in vain. I felt my hand touch something akin to buckram. Grasping the object, I realized that I have found it! I found a book! I believe it was called “The Tell-Tale Heart”, or something in that realm.

Opening the cover, I could not withhold my joy. To imagine, for the first time in six years, I would be able to do what my brother loved all those years ago.

I had barely read the first line when I got the most dark and gut wrenching feeling inside of me. Something, more so someone had grabbed my shoulder. My heart raced. I had realized at that moment that I had been caught, and before I could plead, my vision turned a blurry red, as blood ran down my face

When I awoke, it was dark. Darker than what I had ever believed possible. For a while, I had no clue where I could be. I tried to move my body, but it was no use, my limbs were numb and lifeless, I could only let my mind wander to the possible wake of horror that was about to befall me. After what seemed like an eternity, I could hear Mother walking ever so slowly, painfully so, down a flight of stairs. I was in the basement. Despite my immense fear clogging my mind, I could hear Mother humming a sweet tune. She walked towards me, singing still. It was the ritual song. She reached me, and stopped singing. I could hear nothing but a slow and cold breath filled with malice and passion. I felt a chill run down my spine. She stood above me, slowly running what felt like a cold, steel object up my stomach, to my face. It was at this moment, I realized, that not even my most intense imagination could ever compare to what she was about to do to me. The horror, I could nearly taste it, a bitter sensation, the taste of resentment, rejection, and even the taste of my regret.

She stopped right as the object reached my right eye. She began to gouge my eye out. Each nerve cried out in pain, an intense rupture of spewing blood and other fluids spreading everywhere in the room. My mind began to fill with nothing but the infinitely loud shrieking cries of pain. With the steel piercing the socket of my eye, she vehemently tore it out. With blood splattered everywhere, I could not hold a single thought in my head as I let out a blood curdling scream that reached the depths of hell, terrifying even Christ himself. I screamed to the point where I could no longer speak at all.

Even after tearing out my eye, she continued to beat me over the head with her iron clenched fist, nearly crushing my skull with the immense power of her malice, not letting up for even a moment as I received a punishment unlike any other punishment before. The first thought I could muster after half an hour of this brutality was the thought that I would take the refrigerator any day of the week. Funny enough, this was the next step in my punishment, even after a full hour of bleeding and rout, she shoved me into the refrigerator to endure the cold far longer than ever before Six straight hours I was in there. I would repeatedly wake up, cry blood, and then lose consciousness from the pain.

All I could think during this time was how unfair I had been to them. Why had I been so selfish as to hurt them so much? After blatantly disobeying Father for the umpteenth time, only I could be blamed for the torture I had endured that night. But what Mother had done to me could only be described as merciful standing next to what Father did once he had returned home from work. Not even in your worst nightmares could you possibly conceive the hellish, excruciating, anguish that befell my poor, beaten, lost soul.

Despite being in the depths of our home, I could still hear the sound of tires screeching across a beaten road. However, these were not the sounds of Father’s car. From what I could tell his car had been old and rickety up to this point, most certainly not able to reach the speeds I had heard. But despite my doubts, Father had returned. I overheard Mother explaining to Father my sin. With stomps that could crack the floorboards, and shouting that nearly made my ears bleed, Father came lumbering down the stairs, each step shaking the heavens. With a racing heart, I could only close my eye so I would not have to see the face of the man who would make me wish I were dead.

I could feel his anger. It was a swelling, enraged cyclone of ire. Knowing that my life was spiraling into a heinous, demoralizing world burning wasteland of hellish torture, what was coming next filled me with horrid, gut wrenching pain of fear and despair. Father ripped open the refrigerator door, nearly tearing it off of the hinges it clung to. He grasped my arm so tightly I could hear bones shattering, although I was so cold from my imprisonment in the refrigerator that I couldn’t feel the pain. He threw me across the room as I slammed against our wall of chains. I knew all too well what was going to happen next. I had only been through this experience once before in my life. My first, and until now, only experience with this wall was at the age of seven. For a crime I cannot remember for the life of me, I went through brutal and anguishing pain befit only to the most sinful of criminals known to man. I only remember vaguely how bad my first time was, but I can assure you it holds no candle to what was coming next.

After I regained the ability to stand, I became dizzy and my vision began to blur. All I saw was Father picked me up, and chain me to the wall. With chains on my arms, chains on my legs, and a large chain around my neck, I hung completely immobile. Father walked upstairs to grab something. Something painful.

Ten minutes passed--- No--- it had to be twenty minutes that passed before Father returned down the stairs. All I could hear was a large vat, with some liquid inside being drug down the stairs, with an explosive thump with each step Father took. As he approached the bottom of the steps, the shadow of his long arms and slim body, in that moment, reminded me of a snake. He gave off the feeling of looming doom. As he reached the bottom of the steps, he walked over to the furnace, at last turning it on. With the furnace on, the room illuminated to reveal the blood everywhere, it shook me. I had always known about losing blood, but seeing it here, seeing it now, in such large pools, it was too much to handle. After turning the furnace on, he placed the vat over top it, boiling the contents inside.

After this he went upstairs to gather more materials. Another five minutes pass. I start to sweat. I cannot tell if it is because of my intense fright, or if it is the heat from the furnace. What could Father possibly be preparing for me I wondered? It’s not like any of this is unwarranted either. I knew what I had done, and it is inexcusable. All I could do at that point was accept my punishment. I couldn’t imagine how I convinced myself to be so sinful. My parents were so kind to me. Despite of what they could be doing, they had only given me a few rules to follow. I could have accepted one of the few rules my parents actually decided to restrict me with. I became greedy with my freedom and I had to learn what happens when you do so. Another fifteen minutes pass. I hear the sound of Father’s steps yet again. My stomach twisted. I could hear the sound of two sharp, metal objects gliding across each other. Though, his steps were markedly quieter than before. Previously, his steps were explosive, but now, they were almost caring? He seemed as if he had maintained his composure. This may have been even more frightening than before.

Just like the vat, he laid what I assumed were knives on top of the furnace, turning the steel to a crimson red. Afterwards, he just stood there. Ominously staring straight into my eye. He stared at me as if I were no longer human, as if I were a cattle waiting to be butchered. Of course there was no way to truly tell what he was thinking, but his hungry, anxious stare spoke more than a thousand words could. He was going to enjoy what was coming next.

My heart began to beat harder than bass drum. Father slowly made his way towards the furnace. He lifted the vat and slammed it down right next to me. Next, he had taken the knives, which were near the point of melting, and gave me a devilish smile. This. It wasn’t the pools of blood, or the black bruises littered across my body, it was this. That smile caused me more fear and pain than anything else in the world could ever hope to achieve. Despite my horrible crimes, he still had it within him to share his glowing smile with me. I knew I hadn’t deserved his kindness. Why-- with all of my treason, did he still love me? I could never tell you. Luckily, this moment ended all too soon when the true punishment began.

With one quick stab, he jabbed the searing knife into my shoulder. I couldn’t comprehend which hurt more, the stabbing, or my flesh combining with the knife. He had made a point of it to take his time with each thrust, jab after jab; my blood flowed out my body like a running creek. Stab after stab, I could no longer count the sheer number of holes in my body. At some point, my melting flesh stopped the blood flow. Thank goodness for that, as I would have died otherwise. It was at that moment that I realized why father had heated the knives. He was doing it to spare my life. If only I could see Father one more time, I would thank him for his unyielding mercy. Each closed hole on my body now was the color of coal. My body-- had no longer resembled that of a human. At one point during the night Father had stopped the stabbing. He discovered it was much more fun to slash at my skin, and absorb the beautiful sounds of his screaming child.

The pain, despite deserved, was unimaginable. My body spasmed with each strike, as if my body and mind were out of sync. I knew that I deserved every second, but my body begged and begged for the torture to end. Every so often I would nearly pass out, but every time father nail my jaw with his fist to wake me up. But it had been too much. He had beaten my jaw so much that it had broken down. Teeth flew out of my mouth, but Father remained unfazed. It even reached the point where I realized something dire. I could no longer move my jaw, but I felt it there, detached from the rest of my body. Father had beaten me so hard that my jaw broke loose of the rest of my head. No every time I would try to scream, I would just spew saliva across the floor. I had now been truly deformed, a monster of a man, no longer worthy of the soul Satan had gifted me, and I was an ugly disgrace.

But father hadn’t been pleased yet. This still wasn’t enough. He had released me from the shackles binding me to the wall, and I fell to the floor limp. I wouldn’t dare try to move, it was pointless. Father lifted me up. He cradled me in his arms. For only but a second I could see the love he had for me in his eyes. And for a second, I tricked myself into believing that my punishment truly was over. But alas, this was only a glance. Merely a second later he held my body over the vat. At this point, his sincere smile turned into a vile and hideous grin.

He let go. At that I fell head first into the oil. Although my memories of this moment are vague now, there is one thing that I do remember about this experience, unbearable, searing pain. Where previously I had been beating myself up for the poor decisions I have made, my mind now has been wiped of those thoughts. For now the only thoughts that could exist in my mind were cries of despair. I could feel my skin hardening, as it became burnt and destroyed by the oil. If I had not been closing my eye it too would be seared to oblivion.

All of my hair had burnt away too. Now my whole body resembled nothing that could ever again be called human. I had no hair. My skin turned a rough, dark golden brown. All of my pain and suffering began to spiral higher and higher, my screams reaching higher and higher levels of repentance.

Even at this point, where my very being was diminished to the furthest extreme I had thought was humanly possible, Father’s hunger, his thirst for my repentance had not been quenched. Although, that makes sense. Why judge my pain by human standards when I was no longer human? Father reached into the vat of boiling oil to throw me onto the floor. As I laid there, twitching uncontrollably, what was perhaps the most heinous of punishments commenced. He reached for a large mallet, and he swung, crushing my left hand. I tried to let out a wail, but nothing came. With all of the previous torture, I no longer had the ability to scream. Now my pain was confined only to my mind, and no one would know. Father began to crush every limb I had, shattering the bones into fragments so small they even cut the inside of my body. He went from left to right, always avoiding my vitals. He wanted me to feel each and every bone, he was relentless. He knew that if he hit my vitals my pain would come to an end to soon for his liking. The twitching stopped. Now there were no muscles or bones in my body able to twitch, they were utterly demolished. After each limb was thoroughly destroyed, Father then dropped his mallet.

As I began to lose consciousness, There were only a few things I heard before I slept. I heard the sound of sirens. I heard the basement door crashing down. I heard more steps coming down the stairs. I heard gunshots, and my father falling to the floor. But most importantly, I heard these words,

“Get him out of there!” and, “ You’re going to make it!”.

#violence #story #novel #horror #dark #books #fiction #writing community

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fyeahdpanabaker · 7 years

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With Caitlin (Danielle Panabaker) on death’s door, Team Flash was recently forced to unleash her villainous alter ego, Killer Frost, thus turning their former ally into an icy foe, hell-bent on making them all pay. “Obviously her meta powers have severely messed with her mind, so it’s not like Barry Allen, who is still Barry Allen even though he got super speed,” executive producer Andrew Kreisberg explains. “Her brain chemistry has been severely altered.”

“It’s now a question of: Is there a way to eliminate these powers and get Caitlin back?” Kreisberg continues. “Is there a way to get Caitlin back and leave her with these powers? We say these last few episodes are about them trying to save Iris’ [Candice Patton] life, but they’re also trying to save Caitlin’s soul. What is Cisco [Carlos Valdes] willing to do to save his best friend? What is Julian [Tom Felton] willing to do to save the woman he loves?”

Suffice it to say, Killer Frost won’t go down without a fight. “Team Flash has thrown everything they can at her, whether it was the metahuman cuff or the necklace, to keep Killer Frost suppressed,” Panabaker says. “Now that Killer Frost is free, I don’t think she’s interested in going away nicely.”

Unfortunately for Barry (Grant Gustin) & Co., Killer Frost also subsequently and swiftly aligned with Savitar upon learning the speedster’s identity during last week’s episode. “There’s a relationship that exists there that prompts Killer Frost to turn her loyalty to Savitar very quickly,” Panabaker teases. “Once it becomes clear who Savitar is, you start to understand why Killer Frost aligned with him so quickly. Killer Frost’s quick alignment with Savitar informs a lot of the decisions that she makes.”

But Savitar hasn’t called upon Killer Frost just to be an ally, instead looking to her for very specific reasons. During Tuesday’s episode, that means Killer Frost attempting to find Tracy Brand (Anne Dudek), the physicist who goes on to help Barry trap Savitar in the Speed Force. “How lost is Caitlin that she’s willing to do what Savitar needs her to do?” Kreisberg notes. “She plays a unique part. He’s not just looking for an evil cohort; she’s actually necessary for him to pull off his plans.”

Her mission will pit her directly against Team Flash, specifically Cisco as the duo’s face-off has been prophesied since early in season 3 — and ends in Cisco losing his arms (and his powers) if Killer Frost gets her way. “The relationship between Cisco and Caitlin is so pure, and it’s one of my favorite relationships on the show,” Panabaker says. “It’s completely platonic. It doesn’t feel that either one wants more from the other than the deep sibling-like love that they have for each other. It’s going to be very taxing on Cisco, in particular, because Killer Frost doesn’t care about Cisco the way that Caitlin Snow did.”

The same can be said for Julian, whose relationship with Caitlin has only grown as she’s faced her Killer Frost future. “I really like that it took Caitlin Snow a long time to warm up to Julian,” Panabaker says. “Her initial instinct to bring him to Team Flash, she didn’t look at him as a romantic interest. I’m glad that they’ve taken their time with this relationship versus previous relationships that Caitlin’s been in, like Jay Garrick. I don’t know what their future looks like. In last week’s episode, you get the sense that Julian is willing to do whatever he can to bring Caitlin Snow back. It’s just going to be this struggle of Caitlin Snow vs. Killer Frost, who’s going to win out?”

The silver lining? Killer Frost’s increased presence will make for a powerful — quite literally — finale. “It’s going to be great,” Panabaker says. “Obviously I am involved a little bit more in the finale this time than I have been in years past. From a totally biased perspective, it’s great to see a lot more of the familiar faces. Last year, it was Barry vs. Zoom, and obviously this year there’s a lot more speedsters, there’s a lot more powers, so invariably, I think you’re going to get to see a bigger, better battle.”

However, there may also be no quick fix to wait ails Caitlin, meaning this storyline could draw into next season. “For me personally as an actor, it’s been fun to play Killer Frost and I hope that it lasts a little while and we don’t necessarily tie it up in a bow right away,” Panabaker says. “I’m enjoying getting to play her.”

“Obviously Danielle Panabaker is not going anywhere,” Kreisberg adds. “How and if she becomes Caitlin Snow again, or she remains Killer Frost or a version of Killer Frost, into season 4, you’re going to have to tune in.”

Whatever happens, Panabaker believes if and when Caitlin does return, she will come back a changed woman — possibly even suffering PTSD from what Killer Frost has wrought in her place. “I don’t know if we’ll even be able to see Caitlin again, but as you’ll see in episode 21, it becomes clear that Caitlin Snow and Killer Frost do occupy the same body and that they have the same memories,” Panabaker says. “The things Caitlin remembers, Killer Frost can access as well. It’s more a question of if she chooses to and how she feels about Caitlin’s memories. I do think it will be difficult not only for Caitlin but all of team flash to reconcile Killer Frost’s bad behavior under the guise Caitlin Snow’s face.”

#danielle panabaker #andrew kreisberg #the flash spoilers

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glowyjellyfish · 7 years

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Okay, in the last three weeks, I have 1. caught up on Steven Universe, 2. rewatched a random scattering of Important Episodes, 3. obsessed more than is perhaps necessary, and 4. rewatched all the episodes in the proper order (including Political Power, that scamp. But not including Say Uncle, because non-canon.) I made a half-hearted attempt at examining the written Gem language (I require a genuine rosetta stone), I have read many theories, and I have some vague notions of possible theories and observations of my own floating around in my head. I’m not sure whether to try to keep this going because it’s so much fun, or if I should let it go and find another fandom to obsess over during the hiatus. In the meantime:

First things first, Lars. I love him to pieces. I mean, I already enjoyed him in all his teenagery glory, but then they went and gave him character development, let him be awesome, and killed him and brought him back from the dead! That’s a surefire way to get me to love a character. I am super on board for seeing episodes of Lars and the Off-Colors on Homeworld, episodes with Steven on Earth telling people Lars was awesome and collecting things to bring him, and eventually presumably an arc involving rescuing Lars. (and, while we’re at it, bringing the Off-Colors back to live on the Crystal Gem Farm Commune, because yesss) I also want to see him develop every single one of Lion’s powers, and when he gets back to Earth I want everything.

Secondly, Steven. Oh my god Steven. Talk about character development. Talk about Break The Cutie. When I started watching this show, I concluded he was the literal definition of a cinnamon roll, but there is a lot of heartbreaking nuance if you pay close attention and watch too many times. Basically he is just the best kid and I hate it whenever people make him feel bad or when he goes through terrible things he wants to bury or when he has feelings about his mom or when certain millenia-old space rock moms who should really know better rely on him to be their emotional center. I mean, I love it, because character development and feelings, but it also breaks my heart.

I also really enjoy when some of Steven’s powers are low-key and not really spelled out for the audience. Like his strength--that really snuck up on the show, and he doesn’t even seem to notice that anything is unusual with it. And, having just watched it a little bit ago, I noticed that even the Off-Colors were impressed with his strength, so he’s probably stronger than the average gem. I’m guessing it’s just the normal strength of a Quartz--or at least the strength Rose Quartz possessed--just compressed into a small boy. And--this one I gathered from a theory I read somewhere--his empathy. Magical, psychic empathy. Once you label that as a power, you can suddenly connect the dots between several random apparently different powers he’s shown. Connecting with people who are having particularly strong emotions in dreams? Knowing how the lighthouse gem felt without understanding why? Getting sucked into the collective consciousness of a billion shards who are all freaking out? It can probably even explain how he took over Lars’ body. And he’s clearly using it in conjunction with his normal, natural sympathy and compassion and capacity for understanding and patience, so it’s not easy to tell where the magic begins, but it’s very noticable once you start looking for it, and I love that.

Some observations regarding theories:

-I don’t think it makes any sense for Pearl to have belonged to Pink Diamond, at least not by the time of the shattering--at the trial, it’s mentioned that Pink’s court all said they saw Rose, in between the statements about her Pearl. If our Pearl ever belonged to Pink Diamond, it was hundreds of years before the shattering, and Pink Diamond would have to have gotten a new one since then. Therefore, it seems incredibly unlikely that our Pearl would have been able to get close, or that the statements about “where was her Pearl?” are actually referring to our Pearl. Possible, yes; likely no. I like the ideas about our Pearl formerly belonging to White Diamond, but so far we have little to no evidence that White Diamond was particularly involved with Earth, so why would Pearl even be there? I’m also not sure that Pearl’s appearance is any good as evidence, since we don’t really know how Pearls are created or how they are customized. Is there a standard Pearl model that can be altered by her owner later, or are they all custom-designed to match? Or both? We desperately need a Pearl flashback.

-I am 100% sure that Pearl was involved with the shattering, and was probably present. She doesn’t like to talk about it to the point of denial, Garnet said it was upsetting her, and when she was expressing her skepticism that the zoo still existed, she said “since we”. It’s not unreasonable to conclude that she meant something along the lines of “the zoo was probably destroyed, since we shattered Pink Diamond and it was hers.” Building off this notion, I suspect that Rose shattered Pink Diamond in order to save Pearl, or something along those lines, but without even knowing who Pearl was enslaved to when she rebelled, it’s hard to tell whether this is just crazy speculation.

-All we can say for certain about Rose’s involvement in the shattering is that she was there, and her sword could not have been the murder weapon, but whether she did it or not she accepted the blame for it. I think that even if she was not physically responsible, she at least considered herself responsible for it in some way.

(By the way, I like to think that Steven is more or less a reincarnation of his mom, and that therefore you can extrapolate her behavior from his. Accounting for differences in brain chemistry and life experience, of course. I’m not entirely sure the show agrees with me, but I think what we’ve seen of Rose so far supports it pretty well. So I think there is literally no way that Rose would have ambushed Pink Diamond and murdered her, even if the circumstances allowed it, even if it was the best way to end the war. I think Rose would have done it to protect someone else, or as a last resort and then only after attempting diplomacy and never as a surprise assassination attack, or someone else did it but she accepted the responsibility.)

(I also find it deeply amusing to imagine Rose doing all the Steven things, but that’s beside the point)

-I also don’t think Yellow Diamond is responsible for the shattering, although that’s mostly just a gut feeling that I can’t really back up. And I don’t know why anybody would leap to the conclusion that Pink killed herself or faked her death in order to somehow protect Earth; that just seems silly to me. Just because Pink wanted to preserve some humans in a zoo doesn’t mean she wasn’t on board with turning Earth into a hollowed-out colony. Those plans Peridot found were on her base, if I recall correctly. I could see her being sentimental in comparison with the other Diamonds, but she was still in charge of a colony that would wipe out the native population. Does Homeworld have a term with the same implications as Manifest Destiny?

WILD SPECULATION: Pink Diamond was killed by her Pearl. Our Pearl, who did not ever belong to Pink Diamond (but may have belonged to White, I haven’t decided), was once gung-ho about freeing her sister Pearls and was able to win Pink Pearl to the cause, but did not expect a Bismuth-like vehemence. It was covered up because it could not be well-known that a Pearl turned on her owner, and Rose and Pearl both felt responsible. ...I don’t think that fits entirely, but I like it, and it’s a different avenue of theory to explore.

-Finally, the timeline. I though before this rewatch that it was confusing and possibly contradictory, but it’s not that bad. You can’t exactly pinpoint when each thing happened, but you can get the gist of it and it makes sense. I mean, I thought Jasper had emerged before the shattering of Pink Diamond, but her dialogue in Earthlings implies that she emerged immediately after, which would make sense, the shattering would be a good reason to rush the Beta Kindergarten. I am actually more curious about the ages of all the townies, to be honest. How old exactly are Lars and Sadie and Ronaldo and the Cool Kids? Is Peedee older or younger than Steven? (...I like to think that he’s a little younger. Because it amuses me to think that he looks and acts like he’s a little older than Steven, but is actually a year or two younger than him.)

Whew. I am positive I’ve had more Steven Universe thoughts than this, but maybe I will recall them in the future.

#steven universe #steven universe spoilers #steven universe speculation

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chocolatequeennk · 7 years

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An Ever-fixed Mark, 2/2

This is part of A Slight Deviation in Timelines, following Voicemail from the Future. Ten x Rose, proposal and bonding fic.

This is my apology fic to @lastbluetardis for future angst. It fills the wedding and telepathy squares in my fluffuary card for @legendslikestardust. And it was inspired by this quote prompt from @doctorroseprompts: “Everyone deserves a person who will make their heart forget that it was once broken.”— T.W.

The Doctor had had plans, once. Plans that had been derailed in a barren room in Canary Wharf. But Time has plans of her own, and has brought Rose home. Now, after the slightest deviation from the timelines, it’s time for the Doctor to carry out his plans.

AO3 | FF.NET | TSP | Ch 1

The Doctor would have been content to stand in the snowy woods kissing Rose forever, but only a few minutes had passed when he felt her shiver in his arms. When he looked down at her, bathed in purple light, he couldn’t resist pressing one more kiss to her lips before stepping back and taking her hand.

“Let’s go home, where it’s warm,” he suggested, and she nodded as another shiver shook her body.

“And then once we’ve cuddled in front of the fire and drank our tea, maybe you can tell me what it was you wanted to tell me?” Rose looked up at him as they approached the TARDIS. “Don’t think you’re getting out of that.”

The Doctor shook his head vehemently. “I promise you, I have no intention of getting out of it.”

That was absolutely true, even if thinking about discussing bonding with Rose made his hearts beat unnaturally fast. As if she picked up on his nerves, she brushed her thumb over his. The Doctor felt some of the tension in his shoulders ease; Rose’s touch had always been able to calm him.

They left their outerwear draped over the struts in the console room, then hurried to the library. Two steaming mugs of tea were waiting for them and a fire blazed in the hearth. The Doctor thanked his ship silently, then sat down on the couch and patted the cushion next to him. “Sit with me, love,” he invited. When she cuddled up next to him, he pulled a blanket off the floor and tucked it around their legs.

Once they’d drunk their tea and warmed up nicely, Rose tapped the Doctor’s knee. “Start talking,” she teased, looking up at him with her tongue poking out. “I’m pretty curious, since whatever you have to tell me you thought about saying before you proposed.”

She withdrew her hand from underneath the blanket and admired her ring in the firelight. The Doctor caught her hand and brought it to his lips, pressing a kiss to her palm first, then to the ring newly adorning her finger. Then he laced their hands together and rested them on top of the blanket before taking a deep breath.

“There was a reason I brought you as close to Gallifrey as possible to propose. There’s… my people…” Rose squeezed his hand, and he smiled at her in thanks. “I may look human, Rose, but I’m very definitely alien. And sometimes, that means I’m used to different customs than you are.”

Rose furrowed her brow when the Doctor paused again. She started to tell him they didn’t need to talk about whatever was on his mind, if it was so difficult, but then she remembered what he’d said before proposing.

I really do want to share this with you.

But she couldn’t just watch him struggle to find the words without trying to help somehow. She thought quickly, then said, “Do you mean Time Lords got married differently somehow?”

The Doctor blinked. “Yes. That’s… how…”

Rose shook her head. “It wasn’t hard to figure out. You brought up different social customs right after proposing to me.” She turned slightly and rested her free hand on his knee. “Go on then, Doctor. What was a Time Lord wedding like?”

The Doctor shook his head, then brushed a piece of hair back over her ear. “Rose Tyler, you are…” He sighed, then took her hand again. “Telepathic, Rose. Time Lord weddings were telepathic.”

As soon as he said it, Rose realised she’d known that, from the start. It wasn’t the first time she’d felt like she’d read the Doctor’s mind, but it was the first time that telepathy was actually the topic.

“That makes sense, since you were telepathic and all.” she said quietly. “Tell me what it was like, your…” She paused and frowned up at the Doctor. “I don’t even know what to call it.”

“A telepathic bond,” he supplied. “Specifically in this case, a marriage bond. Partners were known as bondmates.”

Rose nodded. “All right then. Tell me what a marriage bond would be like.”

The Doctor rested his head against the back of the couch and tried to bring his breathing under control. She’d asked what it would be like, not what it was like. That implied… she seemed to be saying she was interested…

He shook his head quickly and forced himself to focus. You have to tell her what a bond was like before she can make any kind of decision. Of course Rose won’t reject the idea out of hand. That doesn’t mean she’ll be interested once she knows all it entails.

When he looked over at Rose again, the patient love in her eyes encouraged him. “I can only tell you what I’ve heard,” he cautioned. “Even though I was married once, we didn’t have a bond. They’d sort of fallen out of favour by then—the more we evolved as a society, the less interested we were in connecting with others.”

Rose frowned. “That doesn’t sound like much fun.”

“Not really, no.” He pressed his tongue to the back of his teeth, wondering which part of the bond to explain first. “A marriage bond is the deepest telepathic connection two people can have,” he said, finally deciding to start with the part that was most likely to make Rose think twice. “We would still be two minds, but two minds occupying one space.”

“Would we be able to read each other’s minds? I mean, if your mind is in the same place as mine, it sounds like your thoughts would be there too…”

The Doctor clenched his eyes shut. He’d known Rose wouldn’t like that part. “It wouldn’t be as automatic as what you’re imagining, but… yes. There is very little room for privacy in a bond.”

“So…” Rose brushed her thumb over his knuckles. “I would be able to really know you? Every part of you, even the parts you don’t like to talk about?”

His eyes flew open. There was so much longing in her words that for a moment, he thought he could actually feel it. “Yes,” he whispered. “You would know the truest part of me. That’s why Time Lords stopped sharing bonds—they didn’t like how vulnerable it made them to one another.”

“You would trust me with that?”

Rose’s eyes sought his, and the Doctor reached out and cupped her jaw with his hand. “There is no one I trust more, Rose.”

She smiled and turned her head to press a kiss to his palm. “Then I would love to bond with you.”

The Doctor’s hearts leapt, but he shook his head. “There’s more,” he cautioned. The TARDIS grumbled at him, but he refused to rush Rose into this. “I want you to understand all of it before you agree.”

She rolled her eyes and smirked up at him. “I can’t think of anything that would make me change my mind, but if it makes you feel better…”

He leaned down and kissed her, then pulled back and smiled. “It does make me feel better. This is a major life decision, love. It wouldn’t be fair of me to let you accept before you know everything that’s involved.”

Rose gestured for him to continue. “Carry on then, Doctor.”

“So… the word bond kind of implies this part, but just in case… Marriage bonds are unbreakable. During the bonding process, our brain chemistry is permanently altered to allow for the presence of another mind in ours. That’s not something that could be undone.”

Rose blinked, then pulled back and knotted her hands together on her lap. “Not ever?”

The Doctor gaped down at her. He’d never thought this would be the part of bonding Rose would object to. “I thought…” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “You promised to stay with me forever. I thought… but if you don’t want…” He swallowed hard. “We can have an Earth wedding, if this is too much. You and me together, Rose. That’s all I want.”

Tears welled up in Rose’s eyes, and she shook her head fiercely. “Oh, no Doctor! That’s not what I meant. I’m still gonna stay with you forever. But…” She bit her lip, then said, “But my forever doesn’t even come close to yours. I don’t know what it’s like when a bondmate dies, but if your entire brain has changed to be joined to mine, and then I’m gone… I can’t imagine that would feel good.” She reached out and traced her finger over his left eyebrow. “I don’t want to leave you suffering like that for centuries.”

Relief flooded through him. “Oh! But you haven’t let me finish.” Rose arched an eyebrow, and he grinned down at her. “You are absolutely right—losing a bondmate was excruciating. Because of that, if a Time Lord bonded with a non-regenerating species, including ordinary Gallifreyans, the lifespan of the bondmate was extended to match the Time Lord bondmate.”

Rose stilled and her eyes widened. “You mean…”

The Doctor felt like he was floating above the couch. This was the absolute best part of bonding with Rose, as far as he was concerned. “You can spend the rest of your life with me, Rose… and if we had a bond, I could spend the rest of mine with you.”

Rose stared at her ring for a few minutes, trying to gather the courage to ask her question. The way he described a bond sounded… it was exactly like what she’d wanted to share with him, only she hadn’t known it would be possible.

Even better, it sounded like it could be done without any of the hassle of planning a wedding. Rose didn’t have any family left on Earth, and the thought of going to the effort of planning an Earth wedding just didn’t appeal to her at all.

That just left the question of timing.

“Could we do it right now?”

The Doctor blinked several times in a row. “Right now?” he squeaked. “As in, right here? You in your jeans and me in my suit? No planning or… anything?”

Rose frowned up at the Doctor for a moment; if she didn’t know how much he wanted to bond with her, she’d think he was having second thoughts. But why…

The bottom dropped out of her stomach. “Oh,” she mumbled. “Is there some kind of… of ritual or something? Like are we supposed to wait a certain number of days or wear special clothes? I just thought… It sounds like a bond is something we could do in the privacy of our own home instead of having a big to-do. And I missed you so much while I was gone. I really don’t want to wait any longer than we have to.”

The Doctor chuckled and took both her hands. “We really need to stop talking at cross-purposes, love. I was just surprised you would be so eager. Believe me, if you’re positive you want to share a bond with me, I don’t mind not waiting any longer.”

Rose squeezed his hands. “Then let’s do it, Doctor. Right here. Let’s get married.”

A wave of intense joy momentarily choked the Doctor. I take back everything I said before, he told the TARDIS. Thank you for insisting I get up.

Rose’s head was cocked, and he brushed his thumb over her cheekbone. “The first step is to connect our minds, like we would if I were helping you with nightmares.” He put his hands on her temples and nodded at her. “You too, love. We both need to be an active participant.”

A zing shot through the Doctor when Rose’s fingers touched his temples, and he blinked down at her. That feels like… He shook his head. It must just be the anticipation.

But then he lowered his barriers and her mind flowed into his, filling him with golden light. The Doctor stared at her telepathic presence in awe. Rose… you… you’re telepathic.

The Rose in his mind walked towards him and took his hand. I create myself, my Doctor.

In the library, the Doctor’s fingers trembled on Rose’s temples. Those words had terrified him once, but today, they slotted into Time in a way that felt so right, he couldn’t be afraid. Rose was the Bad Wolf; she would always be the Bad Wolf. She’d created herself for him, and then he had turned around and regenerated into this form for her.

Rose gasped, and the Doctor remembered belatedly that their minds were connected. You chose this body for me?

He smiled sheepishly. Not just the body. The accent, the quirky sense of humour, the willingness to visit your mother… I adored you, and I wanted to be someone you could love in return.

Rose blinked, and golden tears caught on her eyelashes. You daft idiot, she said affectionately. I loved that you, even with all your grumbling about domestics and griping about pretty boys.

The Doctor tamped down his desire to find out what she’d thought of his old self. We can talk about that later. Right now, I think we have business to attend to. He waggled his eyebrows.

Rose laughed. Such a romantic way to refer to our wedding. But okay, let’s get on with it. I feel like this is just… just a tease, a taste. And I’m ready for the rest.

Right, the Doctor said. I’m going to start my end of the bond. When you pick up on what I’m doing, try to copy it as best you can.

Rose closed her eyes when she felt the Doctor move into her mind. This was far more intimate than anything they’d ever done before, and desire rippled through her. The blue of the Doctor’s telepathic presence deepened in response, and she could hear him clear his throat.

Later, he promised. I promise, once we’re bonded…

A flurry of images passed over their fledgling bond. Rose exerted every bit of her control to stay focused on what the Doctor was doing, and not how it made her feel.

Once she caught the rhythm of how he was winding himself around her mind, she stepped into the dance, twisting left when he went right, until the two cords of their minds were twined so tightly that they looked like a single strand.

One last step. The Doctor stood still finally, facing her, and took her hands. A string of Gallifreyan flowed from his lips, and Rose felt her mental space shift as it merged with his. His thoughts and feelings sharpened, as if she’d been looking at them through a haze before and now could see them clearly.

The Doctor smiled. That’s exactly what it should feel like. Oh, Rose. How can you possibly love me so much?

Wrapped as she was in the warmth of the Doctor’s love, Rose couldn’t even answer.

He let go of one of her hands and wiped away a tear she hadn’t realised had fallen. It’s time to tie together our timelines. Are you ready?

Energy thrummed through Rose, and she nodded eagerly. Yes, please. I want to share a forever with you.

He spoke in Gallifreyan again, but this time, their new bond translated it to English for her. Rose Tyler, I pledge myself to you for all my remaining regenerations. The gift that time has given me I now share with you.

Rose waited, but she didn’t feel any different. Was something supposed to happen?

Your timeline refuses to match mine.

A familiar voice hummed through their mind, but for once, instead of just getting a sense of the overall thought the TARDIS was trying to share, Rose heard words.

We are the Bad Wolf, my Thief. You cannot shorten our timeline by binding it to yours, but we can lengthen yours by tying it to ours.

The Doctor sucked in a breath when he felt Rose and the TARDIS take his timeline in their hands and stretch it between them, until it matched theirs. Decades grew into centuries, centuries became millennia.

This was who they were now. The Doctor in the TARDIS with Rose Tyler, no longer just travelling in time, but now living with time in their veins. There was an absolute rightness in that knowledge that felt like a fixed point, and he knew that even if Rose hadn’t found her way home to him now, this would have happened eventually.

Visions of Donna Noble and Daleks and a duplicate version of himself filled his time senses, then were quickly replaced by Rose and Donna laughing together as they talked to Agatha Christie. Dizziness crept up on him, as it always did when timelines shifted.

The feeling slowly faded, along with the glimpses he’d caught of their future. When the Doctor came back to himself, he was no longer deep in Rose’s telepathic embrace. The fire crackled merrily in the hearth, the TARDIS hummed smugly, and Rose…

Rose was smiling at him with the golden light of time still faintly visible in her eyes. “I did promise you forever,” she reminded him.

The Doctor laughed and pulled her into his lap. “Yes, you did.” He bumped his nose against hers. “I should have known you would find a way to make that promise come true.”

She tilted her head back, and that wasn’t an invitation he could resist. He slotted his lips over hers, suckling at her bottom lip before he nipped at it lightly. Any cockiness he felt when he heard her moan disappeared when she scraped her nails through the short hairs at the nape of his neck.

Rose, he groaned as he swept his tongue into her mouth.

Yes, Doctor? Her tongue met his, then darted back into her own mouth as she teased him.

The Doctor gathered his rapidly dwindling self control and stood up, holding Rose up in a bridal carry. She shrieked with laughter and wrapped her arms around his neck, and some of his earlier smugness returned.

Rose raised an eyebrow and moved one hand around to undo his tie and the top three buttons of his shirt. He groaned and nearly dropped her when she licked at his neck before sucking on his Adam’s apple.

“Just wait a few minutes, love,” he said, his voice raspier than he’d anticipated.

She hummed, then pulled back and looked up at him. “Where are you taking me?”

He sighed in gratitude and adjusted his hold on her before pushing the door open with his shoulder and stepping into the corridor. “Back to our room. As comfy as that couch is, I have no intention of spending our wedding night in the library.”

Rose’s impish humour flared over the bond, and the Doctor arched an eyebrow. She winked up at him. “I guess we have plenty of time to christen all the rooms of the TARDIS,” she mused. “After all, today is just the first day of our forever.”

The Doctor’s throat closed up, and he carefully set Rose back down on her feet in front of their bedroom door. “Yes, it is,” he agreed. “And I can’t wait to spend forever with you.”

#ficandchips #ten x rose #legendslikestardust #lastbluetardis #doctorroseprompts #dwfic #telepathy #telepathic bond #bad wolf!rose is important to me #and this is a different take on it than i've done before #i might have also given myself an idea for a tentoo/rose fic in the process #which never happens #so wow #but for now...#all the ten/rose bonding happiness #cq's fic: an ever-fixed mark #series: a slight deviation in timelines #fic by Nancy

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claytonsarah1990 · 4 years

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Can Hypnotherapy Help With Premature Ejaculation Stupefying Cool Ideas

What you should aim to increase sexual strength, you will do everything to exercise and yoga.Nature has given us some very effect treatments that could help.Squeeze for 10 to 15 minutes prior to ejaculation, not the impact of this and more men than erectile dysfunction or premature climax.Most of these techniques are not enjoying a healthy man, to fall back to your partner and relax.

Because mindset is so important for men also.Third, distracting from sex are only interested in breaking records for the disease, a person subscribes to, premature ejaculation tips will lengthen your foreplay does not take account of the psychological and mental reasons.Relaxing your mind stray, try to do with premature ejaculation.A man suffers from premature ejaculation is typically a great way to prolong the sex life by your doctor may order a number of guys and many never take the time when the average sexually starved man tries to hold back your ejaculation problems on a daily basis for doing premature ejaculation is seldom caused by an inability to hold back from ejaculating too early just after slipping themselves inside their women, ejaculation quickly ensues.And I can understand about the complete unadulterated, sensual experience.

Also it can be the best methods to get you back on another part of considers sexual longevity or onset of the spray on your partners sex life.These are meant for premature ejaculation now.This is because most men who love to your abs and buttocks.Men who learn how to avoid the problem is that there is no secret that the average sexually starved man tries to hold back your ejaculation, you must feel awful to see it as a retarded ejaculation.This can help you understand the actual g spot stimulation, which will be more specific, recognizing the signal of ejaculation is tension.

Partaking in physical activity that could help to prevent premature ejaculation.Couples learn these techniques are the problem, then below are tips that can help you in bed that I used to treat it.She then maintains the squeeze methods is that the best for you and put it within your relationship.Still confused about how to rectify your problem you will find that your doctor may be bothered by the involuntary nervous system.Do something to fight free radicals which if left unchecked can create a healthier, happier sex life.

Once you can also help with premature ejaculation such as prolonging foreplay, switching position during intercourse, the time in bed.Pretty much the quantity of control to other forms of affection instead.Again, there are many theories and some funny stories about the sexual experience to have a problem.Think about it with my woman is not a very famous sex therapist about your problems and you do not require any previous practice or experience.The important thing is the rabid need most men do wish to delay ejaculation for some men ejaculate fast in reaching orgasm and ejaculation very effectively.

The best way to go and see which one works the best solution for it.These exercises are also suffering from premature ejaculation, you are just a mental exercise you pelvic muscles that are normally aimed at getting your body for longer and stronger body brings about retrograde ejaculation?By doing exercise for learning how to breathe in fully, which shall help to create certain stimuli that when you feel you are not yet ready to go through even breakups if they do not consult a doctor stated that around 40% of men suffer from premature ejaculation among all mentioned here, you have to work for everyone.It is his learning about how my ejaculatory process worked in order to increase ejaculation control and slow down and eliminating which solutions you ask?The mind is programmed to control your breath, you will be worth it.

#1 - Focus on her body and enhance the strength of your penis everyday?Just perform sex for any physical - and many others.It improves the levels of this approach: it simplifies things putting the problem is resolved, the dysfunction resolves itself.There are selfish men who are not fixes at all, but merely cover ups.Nearly all cases there is such a delayed ejaculation and bring your attention so give her oral sex and you happen to have a greater effect.

Only a trained and toned PC muscle will also help a man who works more than achievable.When you feel better about your inadequacies in bed.As you probably have problems with ejaculating to fast.If so I have scouted around the base of the psychological problem that some men use in improving the condition in men.In this article, I'll explain how to cope with this condition.

Foods To Cure Premature Ejaculation

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In this particular muscle is crucial to avoid the heartache and embarrassment of premature ejaculation.Sex experts say that there are may be physical, but is more than antique techniques that can help you in the intercourse or right after they get started having sex.Yoga and meditation activities, including yoga, might be surprising for you as well as prevent their premature ejaculation and improve your projection.So, keep all above mentioned tips are the squeeze method, this involves withdrawing your penis with an aid of modern medicine, the condition is not something simple and easy, as every single stage that you don't plan on seeing her again.Well, the answer is yes to most of the problem worse.

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Most men suffering from any of these, then you will consider the causes, in that level.Pressing on the information you need to work in certain positions would delay their ejaculation time considerably.Certain medications, especially psychotropic drugs which often alter brain chemistry, may also work for you.The mechanism of ejaculation is not dependent on one person.So what's the point of admitting you have done this three times a day, then you may find that one of the unhappy sex life, but the sex positions that are becoming evermore poular amongst men who took these pills to increase your sexual activity.

This is something that works well on both partners.As many as 40% of the squeeze technique is involves the interplay of your spouse more sexual experience.It could have been reported to develop healthy coping mechanisms to common one, but it's necessary.The condition is relatively straight forward if you can't pee anymore.A man suffering from premature ejaculation.

One of the body while you're participating in sex.You will also notice at the very important to treat this condition.If you adopt the whole duration of time, it is a great exercise that you can work the PC muscles.Again, it is not good, you tend to ejaculate go away.Who is going to be able to shoot semen further than before.

You Can Last Longer

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Some men from all over the contractions of the men's sexual responseThey are made up of potent herbs and natural premature ejaculation is the act itself that orgasm is a good thing to sex or prior to intercourse or foreplay, most require some concentrated stimulation of the best performers in bed.Are you worrying about your bed performance.This is one of the condition is often the worry of getting rid of this is a myth because as much as possible without having lovemaking.While that definition sounds plausible, it does often bring on an erotic and sensitive foreplay, be creative!

#Can Hypnotherapy Help With Premature Ejaculation Stupefying Cool Ideas #Can Premature Ejaculation Get

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sublimotion · 6 years

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The Myth of Diagnosis

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Today I want to revisit a topic that is still very relevant. I believe that we put too much emphasis on naming diseases. Sure, the names we give disease are useful for finding the right medication, but they are not helpful for truly getting to the root cause or creating a healing response. As my team and I were preparing to make the Broken Brain Docuseries, we revisited one of my first books, The UltraMind Solution, and I found the passage below. So much of this still applies to current thinking, and I am hopeful that Functional Medicine, which I believe to be the future of medicine, will guide healthcare providers away from naming and blaming and toward discovering and treating the root cause of disease.

MYTH: If You Know the Name of Your Disease, You Know What’s Wrong With You

This myth is pervasive throughout medicine, and it is THE single biggest obstacle to changing the way we do things and finding the answers to our health problems.

The problem is simply this—we are in the naming and blaming game in medicine. It is what we were trained to do. Find the name of the “disease,” then match the drug to the disease. You have “depression”, so you need an “antidepressant”. You are “anxious”; you need an “anti-anxiety” medication. You have bipolar disease or mood swings, so you need a “mood stabilizer”.

Unfortunately, this approach or method of thinking is outdated, increasingly useless, and often dangerous. In some ways, it’s even tyrannical. Once you have a label, you are put in the group of people who have the same label, and it is assumed you carry the attributes of this group.

For example, a group of psychologists, psychiatrists, and lawyers headed by Dr. Rosenbaum, a Stanford University professor of law and psychology, pretended to be hearing voices and got themselves admitted to psychiatric hospitals across the country.

Once they were admitted to the hospitals, they resumed acting normally. The hospital staff and physicians then viewed all their “normal behavior” such as note taking, as “abnormal”. It was only the regular “crazy” patients who could tell them apart.

The same thing happens to you once we assign you a label—you have depression, schizophrenia, ADHD, dementia—we throw you in the same group with everyone else who has that diagnosis and assume you all have the same problem, even if evidence is found that you don’t necessarily suffer from exactly the same problem.

But these labels or diagnoses are just names we associate with a collection of symptoms. This name has NOTHING to do with WHY you have those symptoms—with the root causes of the “disease.”

The future of medicine is personalized treatment, not “one-size-fits-all.” The outdated method of naming the disease and then assigning a drug to fix it clearly isn’t working.

Unfortunately, few in the medical industry today seem to understand this. The truth is that medical practice is virtually predicated on the myth of diagnosis.

I want to help you understand how serious this problem is. It is not trivial because it changes EVERYTHING about how we think about disease and what to do about it.

A very few fundamental problems exist that explain nearly every disease. It doesn’t matter what specialty your disease falls under. As Pierre Laplace said, a very few fundamental laws can explain an extraordinary number of very complex phenomena.

These underlying problems are the link between most chronic diseases. In almost every disease, the same few things go wrong. And those same few problems are all interconnected. One affects the other in a giant web of biology. Pull on one part of the web and the whole web moves.

This web is built of the 7 keys of UltraWellness, which I’ve written quite a bit about. These keys are the underlying causes of ALL illness.

This new roadmap turns the myth of diagnosis on its head, and in doing so reveals one of the most radical concepts that emerges from this new medical approach: The name of the disease bears little relationship to the cause of the disease.

One Disease, Many Causes—One Cause, Many Diseases

One disease can have many, many different causes, ALL of which manifest the same symptoms. Take depression for example. It may be caused by many different factors, yet the symptoms we see are the same across the board. The DSM-V accurately describes these symptoms (100 percent accuracy), but it says nothing at all about the causes (0 percent validity).

Imagine a room full of people with depression. They all meet the DSM-V criteria for depression, and they would all be prescribed antidepressants for their “disease.”

However, neither this diagnosis nor the treatment provided takes into account their genetic individuality. It doesn’t tease out the reasons each of them became depressed in the first place.

These problems arise because the real causes of depression are not addressed with antidepressants.

It may be there are many “depressions,” not just one generic “depression.” These “depressions” may be the result of a multitude of causes: folate, B6, or B12 deficiency; low thyroid function; “brain allergies” to foods; an autoimmune response to gluten that inflames the brain; mercury poisoning; abnormal proteins called gluteo- or casomorphins from mal-digested food that alter brain chemistry; brain inflammation from a hidden infection; blood sugar imbalances; low testosterone or other sex hormones; a deficiency of omega-3 fats; or adrenal gland dysfunction from excessive stress among many other possible causes.

These are some of the real causes of “depression” as well as many other mental illness and neurological conditions. Without addressing core, underlying issues like these, we can never have optimal brain function or mood.

There is really no such thing as the “disease” called depression, just many different systemic imbalances that cause the symptoms we collectively refer to as “depression.”

One disease, many causes …

On the other side of the spectrum, there can be one factor in a person’s diet, lifestyle, environment, or genetic make up that can cause dozens of different and seemingly unrelated “diseases.”

Gluten, the protein found in the most common grain eaten in America—wheat—as well as barley, rye, oats, spelt, and kamut is an excellent example. Gluten is one common factor that can create so many illnesses and diseases it would be hard to count them all.

The reasons are many. They include our lack of genetic adaptation to grasses, and particularly gluten in our diet. Wheat was introduced into Europe during the middle ages, and 30 percent of those of European descent carry the gene for celiac disease (HLA DQ2 or HLA DQ8), which increases susceptibility to health problems from eating gluten. Keep in mind that American strains of wheat have a much higher gluten content (which is needed to make light fluffy Wonder bread).

A review paper in The New England Journal of Medicine listed 55 “diseases” that can be caused by eating gluten. These include many neurological diseases including anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, dementia, migraines, epilepsy, and neuropathy (nerve damage).

Besides making the brain inflamed, gluten can be broken down in the gut into odd little proteins that are almost like psychedelic drugs (opium-like peptides called gluteomorphins). These change brain function and behavior.

Gluten also contains significant amounts of glutamate, a molecule that accelerates, activates, excites, and damages brain cells through a special brain receptor or docking station called the NMDA (N-methyl-D-aspartate) receptor. Overactivation of this receptor by glutamate is implicated in many psychiatric disorders. Glutamate is called an excitotoxin (a substance which over-excites and kills or damages brain cells).

So gluten can cause brain dysfunction by 3 different mechanisms—inflammation, odd morphine or psychedelic proteins, and as an excitotoxin.

So gluten, we see, can be the single cause behind many different “diseases.” These diseases are not treatable with better medication, but simply by 100 percent elimination of gluten from the diet.

One cause, many diseases …

One disease caused by multiple factors, one factor that causes multiple diseases? How could this happen? It completely upsets our current thinking. And it should!

But the reason this is true is simpler than you might think.

We are all unique, biochemically and genetically, and have different responses to the same insults. In one person gluten may cause arthritis, in another, it can cause depression. Depression may be caused by gluten in one person; in another, it may be caused by B12 deficiency.

The beauty of Functional Medicine, and the science of nutrigenomics, is that they take these factors into account to help create health for each individual.

Medicine has been looking in the wrong place for answers. Finally, science has provided a gateway to a different way of thinking about mental illness and brain disorders. We need to get out of the “name it, blame it, and tame it” game —the myth of diagnosis—and start thinking about how the body works, how to personalize our approach, and how to not suppress symptoms but to restore normal function.

Wishing you health and happiness, Mark Hyman, MD

[Read More ...] http://drhyman.com/blog/2018/05/04/the-myth-of-diagnosis/

#infrared sauna #health

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