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halemerry · 9 months

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I’m doing it. I’m breaking down the Scene. You know the one. I've been tearing it apart for a week straight now in discord and figured I should leave my observations here. So, uh, yeah, this one's a big one so buckle up folks!

I want to start with the build up because I can never leave well enough alone and because I think the framing we have coming into this sequence is important. We start with the camera on Mr. Acts of Service himself. Crowley, after banishing Muriel, starts cleaning up the bookshop. The music playing is the soft slow rendition of the opening theme. He is returning this space to the status quo, resetting back to normal, fully intending to do this for Aziraphale before dragging him out to the Ritz, falling back on their typical pattern of going out together for food and drink.

Now in a moment he's going to get interrupted by Nina and Maggie but before we get there I want to take a second to draw attention to the area of the bookshop that Crowley will be operating in for the bulk of this. This space is one we very frequently see Aziraphale in. It's his desk behind the till - a spot linked intrinsically to him, even down to the fact that it's located on the east side of the shop. The windows are throwing beams of light onto Aziraphale's chair and onto the same spot Crowley will stand during The Scene. This lighting choice will not change from now until our last shots in the bookshop and the way the blocking plays around these sunbeams is very aware (as Good Omens nearly always is) of exactly where they will land.

Nina and Maggie enter the scene to have a chat about boundaries and communication. Maggie, his own mirror, tells him flat out that he can't play with their lives like that. Maggie and Nina then both tell him that he and Aziraphale need to talk. And I don’t think they're wrong, exactly, but I do think that Aziraphale and Crowley are actually a lot better at communicating in general than they are in these following high stakes scenes. But that's some meta for later - for now I want to just focus on the particular way Crowley's been primed for the conversation he and Az are about to have. Nina in particular does something really interesting. She does exactly what we as the audience did when we first saw Nina and Maggie: she mistakenly projects herself onto Crowley. She says he has trust issues because she does and in the process accidentally frames the core of their problem as Crowley needing to allow himself to trust Aziraphale, a thing that he actively already does and has done for quite some time and has been shown to us several times throughout the two seasons.

Now the build up we get for Aziraphale going into this conversation is very small. By which I mean practically non-existent. We start at the end of his conversation with the Metatron who tells him to go tell his friend the good news - which notably does not imply that the news is something that would require Crowley to make a choice - and sends Aziraphale on his way. Now the most crucial thing in this sequence, to me, is the expressions Aziraphale makes when he thinks the Metatron isn't looking at him. While polite and smiley when engaged with him, Az's expression falls as soon as he doesn't have eyes on him. Something is wrong and Aziraphale knows it.

Aziraphale enters the shop. The doorway is dark and shadowy and he hasn't composed himself yet - though he does give Nina and Maggie a little smile as they leave. Then, as soon as they're not looking at him, but before he approaches Crowley, the tension is back.

He hesitates, then smiles and approaches Crowley. Crowley, planted dead center in that beam of light from earlier, takes off his glasses and promptly starts nervously rambling. The music cuts off here entirely, giving us nothing to focus on but the noises coming from our lead actors, the background noise from the street, and the ticking of the clock in the background. Aziraphale puts up his hands like he's going to interrupt then lowers them again as Crowley keeps talking, his face shifting into this helpless sort of smitten look.

Now look at the light and how it hits the bookshelves behind Crowley as he tries to get his confession going. It's in the shape of a wing. Keep an eye on that - when the camera chooses to show us this one wing of light is important.

Aziraphale then interrupts and there are two things I want to draw attention to here as Aziraphale fumbles for words. First of all is the fact that he glances in the direction of the door (and the Metatron) at least three times as he's struggling to speak.

Secondly, I want to draw attention to the words Az actually says here. He first echoes the Metatron's earlier statement about good news. He then does not roll into the news itself and instead glances at the door and says the Metatron. He starts rambling about the Metatron to a very confused looking Crowley and evetually talks his way into that the Metatron said something. He then hits a wall again, scrambling to find words and instead of explaining the context of what the Metatron says he lands on Gabriel. His brain latches onto someone obviously on the forefront of both their minds and something vaguely relevant to the news he's about to share. He rambles more about Gabriel's job, glancing once again at the door in the middle of this, still avoiding getting to the actual point or perhaps even synthesizing said point as he goes.

We then cut to what is framed as a flashback. I think it is very notable we only see this as Az is telling it to us. In other words that this is not us witnessing an event happening but us witnessing what Aziraphale is telling Crowley. This sequence is the single scene where the Metatron calls Crowley by name despite actively avoiding it in any real time continuity sequences. He uses it twice here which I think also is the strongest thread in here that tells us that we are seeing what Crowley is being told not necessarily what actually happened.

The instant the idea of restoring Crowley comes up the wing of light behind Crowley loses visibility. Crowley's speechless for a moment so Aziraphale fills the silence, already looking like he wants to cry as he talks about the old days. (I also can't help but to notice that the lights behind Az in this shot look like eyes.) Crowley finally speaks and circles around the beam of light he's been standing in like an object seeking to re-establish a source of gravity. The music cuts back in here with tense drawn out notes.

Crowley talks about how Hell offered him his place back and he turned them down. Aziraphale in turn presses on ideas that we know he doesn't really believe. It's a echo of the bandstand and uses a lot of the same language of that fight - another fight we know features Aziraphale saying things he knows aren't true. By now, we have seen him multiple times this season express he does not want to go back and make it abundantly clear that the side they have made for themselves is important to him. We see him actively calling angels bad and incompetent, contrary to everything he's telling Crowley here. We see him be the one to repetitively remind Crowley that they are on their side and be the one that always draws attention to that first. Yet here he says Heaven is the side of light to Crowley - who by the way is literally framed in light. The frame is telling us outright that Crowley is already Good as he is, while Az's expressions are telling us he knows Heaven isn't.

Aziraphale can't tell him that he did not turn down the job and Crowley does another orbit. The music cuts again. This time, he stops with his back to Az, tilts his head upward and decides to ruin me by invoking God.

Here he is, hearing these awful things that he was sure they had moved on from, hearing these things he has tried for so long and so hard to help them both unlearn. But these sorts of habits and lessons are insidious and he knows that and he himself is even a victim of that himself. I mean, don't get me wrong, he recognizes this is weird, I think, but between his own self worth issues and the stress of the few days they'd had can't work out what exactly is off here. He's confused and lost and just been told, in his mind, that he is not good enough as he is - a thing he has always on some level also believed. Yet he reaches out to the parent that taught him that lesson in the first place for strength and grounds himself with that. He circles back to stand in the beam of light and, with that wing of light finally backlighting him again, he is brave and tries to be enough anyway. He bows his head downward, fully emerging the line of this body in the light and tries again. Because even now, even after that emotional blow, Crowley is an optimist who can't help but to try.

At first Aziraphale can't figure out quite what is going on here. He squints at Crowley and glances at the door again. Crowley meanwhile keeps continually glancing upward, whether at God or to hold back tears or some combination of both. In most of these shots Crowley bisects the room, creating a dark half to his left and a light half to his right.

Crowley says he relies on Aziraphale. Even here, even now when he's just hurt him. Because it is the truth. Because Aziraphale makes him feel less alone. Because Aziraphale proves to him that no matter how fucked the system is that there is still good in the world, even if he doesn't always agree with it.

It is only once there is no doubt what Crowley is doing that Aziraphale starts shaking his head in very small quick shakes. He looks panicked even as they both physically draw closer to each other. It's huge not here, not like this energy to me. Aziraphale asks Crowley to come with to help him run Heaven. This is the point where Crowley starts tearing up.

Crowley then says you can't leave this bookshop, trying to say you can't leave me. Az, nearly in tears himself, says 'oh Crowley. Nothing lasts forever' as a means to convey that the books aren't what is important here. Crowley, naturally, hears 'including us.'

Crowley looks down again, quietly agrees, and puts on his glasses, covering himself up again. He then wishes Aziraphale good luck and the music starts up again, still tense but sorrowful now. He leaves the light and heads to the door. Az can't help but to call after him. Please wait. And Crowley can't help but to listen. It's worth noting here that even as he rotates toward the north door, the light still gently hits his face. The shots in general are darker though. He's moved away from the light but it still can't help but to touch him.

"Come with me," says Aziraphale and then after a pause adds "To Heaven." Aziraphale, looking heartbroken, starts one of two 'I' statements he will struggle around in the next few moments. He lands on I need. Which. I want to pause there a moment because holy shit. That is not something they say out loud either. Az looks at him a moment, visibly struggling before he says his dialogue about Crowley not understanding his offer. Like he's said something he didn't mean to and needs to cover it up or like he can't handle the silence after such an honest statement. And on some level he's not wrong there. Because Crowley doesn't understand what Aziraphale is trying to say. But Aziraphale doesn't understand the way Crowley is reading it to course correct either.

Crowley says that he does understand and that he understands better than Aziraphale does. And he also isn't wrong either, from his perspective. Because he does understand the implications behind the offer theoretically in play here. Because he does know that the position Aziraphale is presenting him is not going to result in the outcome Aziraphale is presenting him with. There are some things you can't undo just like memories slipping through the cracks.

Az says there's nothing more to say, trying to dismiss Crowley despite having been the one to pull him to a stop moments ago. He puts on a fake polite smile for a beat but then his is jaw sets, mouth working as his eyes drop - unable to look Crowley in the eye.

Crowley tells him to listen as the music fades out and points upward. Aziraphale humors this, glancing up a few times before looking frustrated, saying he can't hear anything. The light from the window shines down in his direction without actually touching him. Crowley tells him "That's the point. No nightingales." The shot he's on here is a dark one without even any of the book shops pillars visible in it to brighten the shot.

Aziraphale looks frozen a moment here and then as Crowley calls him an idiot and says 'we could have been us' his face completely crumbles. He rapidly glances away to hide his face and Crowley moves and reaches to pull him back. They're both distraught. Az is clearly already holding back tears even before Crowley touches him. The angle of this shot frames Aziraphale in the light of the window. For the first time in this whole sequence Aziraphale is in the light, literally being physically pulled into it by Crowley.

The music swells, playing a similar theme to the one that plays as the Pillars of Creation are formed at the start of the season. They shift back and forth, the camera focusing on Aziraphale's face and hands. His hands move uncertainly, trying to reach out even as he's struggling emotionally. He is visibly shaking but he crucially does not pull away, not even a little.

His hands settle on Crowley's back, right where his wings would be, and for a brief moment gets taller, like he's allowing himself to lean into the kiss. They press together tightly, their mutual gravity sending them crashing together before they break apart. When they do Aziraphale looks devastated and his eyes move pretty much instantly to look out the window where the Metatron would be.

Crowley's glasses make him harder to read here, but he looks at Aziraphale like a man awaiting judgement in a trial he knows he's already lost. He's sad too, but as always, is waiting for Aziraphale's reaction. Because he might push continually at he boundaries of them as a unit but he has always let Aziraphale decide where to set them in stone.

Az fumbles over words here. He gets stuck on "I" here and lets it hang in the air. He then visibly thinks his words over, his expression slowly filling with resolve as he comes to some sort of conclusion. Then, like it's difficult to say, he falls back into old coded language. "I forgive you." A thing he has always said in response to things that he agrees with but cannot or should not allow himself to have.

Crowley sighs and tells him not to bother, refusing to fall into the old pattern that Aziraphale has. He is setting a boundary, for once, and even if it is one born from misunderstanding I am proud of him for being able to. He turns away and leaves. And this is where Az seems most in danger of falling apart. His lips move as Crowley goes, forming the start of a 'no' after him. He draws back from the door and turns his body away from it, physically distancing himself from anything that would feel like following Crowley. Except he can't help himself. With shaking hands he reaches up to touch his lips. He presses in, like he's trying to recreate the pressure and then his jaw works a moment and his expression sets as resolved.

The Metatron enters through the front door, which is framed in dark lighting. Aziraphale looks panicked and immediately turns his whole body away from him to hide his face while he collects himself.

He turns around after a beat and the Metatron asks 'how did he take it?' This is an odd question that only sort of half fits the fact that we are meant to believe at this point - that Aziraphale should be obtaining a yes or no from Crowley. It's not asking Crowley's choice at all. It's like the Metatron assumed a different conversation had happened or perhaps that he already knew the answer.

Aziraphale says he took it badly and the Metatron just takes a moment to direct a few casual digs at Crowley. He references him being stubborn and too curious - all the while avoiding the use of this name. At this point Az's eyes are locked out the window in the direction Crowley vanished to. The Metatron asks if he's ready to start despite originally having promised Az time to think over his answer. Aziraphale keeps glancing out the window.

For a moment he cracks, stepping away from the Metatron and back toward the east side of the bookshop. For the only time in this whole sequence he steps right into the sunbeam Crowley started in. It notably never illuminates his face as he mentions the issue of his bookshop (a statement absolutely not about the bookshop).

The Metatron explains Muriel will take care of it. Aziraphale looks back out the window with the start of an objection.

The Metatron interrupts him asking if there's anything he needs to take with him. Az's mouth takes a moment to try and form words. He steps out of the light again, starts to object, and then cuts off, eyes back to the window. Then his expression shifts again, settling in another state of resolve before he puts on his falsely polite face and follows the Metatron out.

As they leave the shop we cut back to Crowley. Crowley, who could've left to go handle his own emotions, did not leave. Instead he planted himself there, nice and noticeable. Like he wanted Aziraphale to see and know that he still has a choice. Like he needs to see Aziraphale make that choice for himself. Like he can't quite bring himself to be the one to close that last door. He stands there, framed by light, and doesn't move until the doors to the elevator to Heaven close behind Aziraphale. He then glances at Nina and Maggie and then gets in the Bentley, which starts playing the song that we now know he knows is supposed to be theirs. He turns off the music and drives away.

So there's a lot in these sequences and most of it probably won't help us figure out exactly what comes next, but there are definite signs that all is not as it's being presented to us. Whether he's actively lying or not, something is wrong that Aziraphale either can't or won't talk about frankly with Crowley. I suspect, whether it's under stress from a literal threat or because he believes that it is the safest option for them, that Aziraphale is doing all of this to protect Crowley.

There are also all sorts of signals here, especially in the lights, that gesture at the fact their togetherness is a net good. Together they are balanced and stronger for it and likely more in alignment with the Ineffable Plan. And, more importantly than that, that said togetherness is so clearly what they both want. They have loved each other longer than anything alive has ever loved anyone and none of this changes that. They both are saying that in their own ways here, even if those ways are not ones the other is particularly good at picking up and I for one cannot wait to get to see the payoff of them learning how to.

#good omens #gos2 spoilers #good omens spoilers #good omens meta #kind of #is it meta if its mostly me pointing and yelling?#come suffer with me #you have no idea how many times i had to watch these sequences for this #crowley #aziraphale #the bookshop

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neil-gaiman · 8 months

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hi neil, i hope your day was better than mine.

i got my hair cut today and i can't stop crying about it. it looks so bad. and it's right before school starts too. i'm not exaggerating when i say it looks like a 5 year old took scissors to my hair while i was sleeping. and it was done by a professional at a good salon! i don't know what happened but i'm devastated and maybe i'm just emotional/sentimental but i keep crying about it and i feel silly after because i know it's just HAIR.

anyways, you probably won't see this but i had to let someone know. and also, i think you would be proud of me because i have been in a reading slump for a year and last week i decided to do something about it. so i read coraline one day, ocean at the end of the lane the next, the graveyard book after, and lastly i took two days to read anansi boys. i'm planning on reading american gods next. the idea was to start off short and small and work my way up and i think it's working. thank you for your work and please never stop writing. and great job on season two by the way, it was beautiful.

please come to wisconsin soon so you're able to sign my good omens copy!

with love, ollie

Here. I will try to cheer you up with me in October 2016 as Hurricane Matthew is hitting Florida and I have just had a very strange haircut from the only barber who hadn't closed because of the incoming hurricane. The wind noise in the background is the start of the hurricane. The haircut was because I thought we'd lose power and I might have to fight zombies and shorter hair would help. To add insult to the haircut, it had a ducktail at the back.

The khaki jacket had lots of pockets and was hurricane gear too. (I slept in the bathtub that night. The howls of the wind got loud but I didn't lose power and I was fine.)

And it still wasn't as bad a haircut as the one I got when I was 16 when my dad took the hairdresser aside before the haircut and told him that whatever I asked for, what he was to do was cut it all off and give me a short back and sides. And he did. There are no photographs.

I hope this helps. I'm proud of you too.

#bad hair days

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most-normal-eccles-cake-ignorer · 8 months

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Good Omens: Lockdown and Crowley not mentioning his living situation in S2*

*till S2E6 when he asks if he can have his apartment back bc he's bored of living in his car but Aziraphale doesn’t hear bc mentally he’s in Alpha Centauri.

Having read the 'Crowley doesn't tell him' Neil Gaiman ask close to when I first listened to Lockdown (I lived under a rock until recently), my initial thought was HAS HE BEEN LIVING IN HIS CAR FOR YEARS?! but I think he was still in his apartment in 2020:

as far as Hell knows, Crowley just had a pool party in holy water (the holiest) so the higher-ups are probably willing to give him some space (plus Beelzebub is busy going on pub dates w Gabriel)

while there should be ~8 months between the end of Season 1 events (The Very First Day of the Rest of Their Lives on Sunday, Aug 25, 2019) and the Lockdown phonecall (on or near the 30 year anniversary on May 1, 2020), I can't imagine that's a very long time for Hell, especially if you're understaffed and busy dealing with fallout from Almostgeddon / going on pub dates

Shax dropping off mail and asking about the boiler seems like something one does in the first few months of living somewhere, not ~3 years in (if S2 is in 2023)

That said, I think the phone call underlines why Crowley never directly tells Aziraphale that he is living in the Bentley in S2, and it's just a great conversation (all hail Gaiman) sooo I wrote about it:

***Note: This post analyzes the Lockdown phonecall from Crowley's perspective only. Our heroine is feeling quite emotionally vulnerable at this point in time so things are going to hit him harder than they normally would.

I do not think Aziraphale meant to cause him pain (!!) but Crowley can't see that yet and I've written this post in a way that reflects that missing insight. (I explain in more detail in this reblog if you are interested) I am working on a companion post for Aziraphale's side of this conversation and how I think it affects his behavior in S2 because if we know anything about these two, it's that their exactlys are different exactlys.***

Crowley’s habit of sleeping to skip time like an RPG character by a campfire amuses me to no end, but in this context it feels heavy. Crowley already worries about losing time with what he loves and he probably hoped things would be different between him and Aziraphale after the events of S1. But things don’t change much. Then lockdowns start, and Crowley is trapped in his apartment alone, transcendentally bored, and unable to make his brain shut up. Sleeping a month away starts to sound less awful.

But Crowley hasn’t given up yet; he’s still awake when Aziraphale calls, and he’s even giving it two more days. Was he waiting for Aziraphale to call? Is it even possible not to at least kind of wait for someone’s call when you are cut off from everything and the caller has been your only friend and crush for millennia?

Aziraphale asks why Crowley isn't "out and about" tempting people or setting a bad example and he responds:

C: Everyone's so miserable and cooped up right now anyway, and I just… well… don't have the heart for it. A: *glowing audibly* I'm not miserable~ C: Really?

Crowley sounds genuinely surprised at Aziraphale's happiness and quickly assumes it's because the angel has been around people. He's so lonely/depressed/in his own head that he hadn't even considered someone enjoying being 'cooped up'. *sob*

Aziraphale goes No actually I put the closed sign up in the window and I'm having the Time of My Life, never had so few customers, not in 200 years!, etc. Although, he says:

A: …There were a few young lads a couple of nights ago who broke in through the back and tried to steal the cashbox! But they soon saw the error of their ways~ C: *clearly amused* Did you smite them with your wroth? A: Well I certainly gave them a good talking to, and I sent each of them home with cake~ C: *annoyed, swooning* Cake? A: Quite a lot of cake, actually. C: *physically ill from having such a giant crush on this dumbass baker/security guard* eeeekkkgghhh I'm gonna regret asking but.. ...rrgh.. *30 seconds of Aziraphale joyfully describing his baking while Crowley probably tries very hard not to imagine the angel eating each item in sensual slow motion* I stg you can hear him struggling in the background once or twice

A: …And once I've baked them, I have to eat them all myself, which was why I was so delighted— C: To send your burglars home laden with baked goods, yes, nnyeaayeah I follow…

Crowley interrupts, finishing Aziraphale's sentence in his nervous hurry to say the next bit:

C: *loud inhale* You know, I could.. hunker down at your place. … Slither over and watch you eat cake. I could bring a bottle--a case of… something… drinkable…?

He's trying to sound so casual about it but this is someone who was rejected/abandoned by actual literal God after asking what he thought were welcome, uncontroversial questions. Asking makes him vulnerable. He's supposed to be the rescuer, not a demon in distress. He does not feel casual about asking.

Crowley knows it's unlikely but he's so miserable and desperate for company that he can't help but ask, just in case. Even the smallest chance of spending time trapped indoors with Aziraphale—with nothing to do but drink, watch him eat, and talk about things they'd normally avoid—is too tempting.

A: *panicking* Oh I— I— I— I— I'm afraid that would be Breaking All The Rules! *nervous breathing* Out of the question! I'll see you… when this is over. C: Right. gnnehh. I'm setting the alarm clock for July. Good night, angel. *dial tone*

And just like that, Crowley doesn't need two days to decide. The depression nap doubles in length. He doesn't hear how badly Aziraphale wants to say yes behind the fear, or maybe he does and it hurts worse because why isn't Crowley enough for him? You can almost hear the spiralling:

SHOCKING, asking made it worse. It always does doesn’t it? Why even bother? you just embarrass yourself.. SLITHER over? why did I say that *grumble grumble* of COURSE His Holy Holiness, your only friend in the universe, would rather eat cake by himself while everything goes to shit than ~deign~ to have you in his presence. "AsK aND yE sHaLl ReCeIvE" bugger this for a lark im going to bed

(a bit dramatic but we've all been there)

I imagine sleep doesn't come right away. Maybe his thoughts drift to when he sat beside the angel at a dark Tadfield bus stop after a rather eventful Saturday. Crowley must've felt a tiny bit hopeful when he invited Aziraphale to stay with him: Heaven had withdrawn its favor and the bookshop was gone; Aziraphale was like him now. Didn't that mean things would change?

"I don't think my side would like that." Apparently not.

In the end, Aziraphale did ride the bus back to Crowley's apartment and stayed till the next morning when he caught a cab, but only to sell the illusion. Crowley understood that as far as sides went, the angel was still on Heaven's, even if Heaven wasn't on his.

And now this: the entire world is shut down; there is nothing for Aziraphale to do but stay in and read and bake in his magically reconstituted bookshop and he still won't invite Crowley in. Burglars and un-fallen angels only—nobody who asks questions.

So... of course Crowley doesn't tell Aziraphale when he loses his apartment. He already knows what answer he would get; the angel has told him so many times. Aziraphale is a company man first, a companion to one very sad owl when convenient.

If Crowley works up the courage to say 'please take me in, I have nowhere else to go' and Aziraphale goes 'sorry, no, far too political, but I WILL risk being erased from the Book of Life to protect this nude amnesiac former coworker who always hated me,' it's going to be too much. You can't sleep long enough for that type of hurt to go away. Better not to say anything.

"Then nothing has to change, does it?"

#edited to add the note about crowley's perspective right after the cut! apologies if it seemed anti-aziraphale before!#good omens meta #good omens lockdown #good omens 2 #ineffable husbands #ineffable spouses #ineffable divorcees #i can't even imagine navigating the pandemic brain scramblies while pining THAT HARD #Aziraphale is a company man (gn) but i think S3 will cure him of that #long but if i can't write essays about this on tumblr then where #good omens spoilers

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reloha · 8 months

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Jacobi and McKellen as grand marshals of New York City's 2015 pride march.

All Good Omens (show) fans will know Derek Jacobi as the Metatron. His brief role on Doctor Who is also getting a lot of mention in recent posts, but I'm not going to talk about any of that.

Like his Vicious co-star Ian McKellen, Jacobi has had a long and illustrious career in theatre, television, and film. McKellen and Jacobi met when they were at Cambridge.

I'm not a huge fan of the Daily Mail, but this article, an interview with the two actors, is quite interesting. I'll just quote this part:

Jacobi says he came out to his mother when he was at university. ‘She said, “All young men, go through this phase, don’t worry.” I remember saying, “Don’t tell Dad.”’ He doesn’t know to this day if she did. ‘I think she did, but I don’t know. But they were wonderful, my parents, not much was said but they kind of knew, they got it.’

McKellen hasn’t heard his friend talk of this before. ‘That’s the first time I’ve heard that,’ he says, genuinely moved. ‘I never came out to my family. Biggest regret of my life.’ It turns out he didn’t even come out to Derek at university, even though it’s always been reported that he had something of a crush on him.

‘Yes, I did fancy Derek, but I didn’t act on it, God, no. It was illegal, remember. I do get on my high horse about it, because it was so difficult. There were no gay clubs you could go to. No gay bars, no gay newspaper, nothing. What there was was a bit sleazy, I suspect. One of the reasons I became an actor was that you could meet gay people. Even then everything was difficult. When you went to America they asked, “Are you now, or have you ever been, homosexual?” I lied on the form. It was a different world.’

I want to talk about Vicious for a bit, the ITV britcom in which Derek Jacobi and Ian McKellen play an aging gay couple, (respectively) a homemaker, Stuart Bixby, and an actor, Freddie Thornhill, for fourteen episodes.

Freddie (McKellen) tells Stuart (Jacobi) about a part he's hoping to get.

I had to add these for the Broadchurch reference.

It's a law that British actors of a certain age play this part.

I couldn't find one with Michael Sheen and the skull, but here he is in the role.

McKellen did the part again at 81 in an age-blind production.

Jacobi's big breakout was the titular role in I, Claudius on the BBC in 1976.

In the '90s, Jacobi played amateur sleuth and 12th century monk, Brother Cadfael on the ITV series.

I had watched some of Vicious before, but, spurred on by Jacobi's reappearance on Good Omens, looked for it again and watched both seasons a couple of weeks ago. Because I love a good fancast and Jacobi and Sheen (at least as Aziraphale) remind me a little of each other, I couldn't help but think that Jacobi and McKellen in their youth could have played a version of Aziraphale and Crowley. (There have been a couple of posts noting this about Jacobi, and that he might have been up for the part if it had been done soon after the book came out.)

Jacobi, left, and McKellen, right (obviously).

I also think that Tennant and Sheen could have pulled off playing Freddie and Stuart in a flashback.

An even younger version of Freddie and Stuart does appear in the series, however, played by Luke Treadaway and Samuel Barnett.

Also good casting! They do a great job playing McKellen and Jacobi playing Freddie and Stuart.

Shoutout to this post by @ember-knights, that suggested Good Omens fans should check out Vicious for a glimpse of what life in the South Downs cottage might be. And also to other posts mentioning Vicious and Good Omens in the same breath, as well as comparing Sheen and Tennant to Jacobi and McKellen (which I probably reblogged but can't find right now).

Cast of Vicious: Frances de la Tour, Iwan Rheon, Philip Voss, Ian McKellen, Derek Jacobi, Marcia Warren (Wikipedia). (Yes, the upstairs neighbor (Rheon) does go on to play Ramsay Bolton on Game of Thrones. He's a sweetheart in this, though.)

Now, I don't think Crowley and Aziraphale are the same as Freddie and Stuart, by any means. Freddie and Stuart say quite cruel things to each other. The characters become deeper in the second season; it’s a little sweeter than the first. I enjoy the bitterness of the first season too, though. It is funny, and Good Omens fans may enjoy watching it if only to see Derek Jacobi (who plays the Metatron) in a comedy role and a role that's sympathetic, especially if they are not familiar with his large and impressive body of work.

I don't think Aziraphale and Crowley's life in the bookshop as a couple, not just a group of two, or life on the South Downs, would be exactly like this, but there are somehow some similarities that I don't even know how to begin to pinpoint or explicate.

Crowley and Aziraphale’s affection is always so palpable and that’s not always clear with Freddie and Stuart. Crowley and Aziraphale are so loving that, even when they're bickering, it's joyful, even when they're arguing, even when they're coming apart (temporarily) at the seams, their love is undeniable. I don’t even think their breakup was toxic; although they were desperate at that point and hurt each other badly, it wasn't what they wanted. Sometimes it's that way.

And, lest I'm putting you off Vicious here, the Ineffable Husbands are a high bar as love stories go, but you will get to see some love and affection between Freddie and Stuart too, and I'd really love to see these actors work together more. (I am happy with how the show ends up, by the way.)

Toodle-loo! Hope everything is tickety-boo with you.

#Good Omens spoilers #Good Omens #Good Omens viewpoints #Derek Jacobi #Ian McKellen #Vicious #Derek Jacobi appreciation post #***Good Omens #tickety boo

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drconstellation · 2 months

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The Cupperty Ceremony

Every bit of food and drink in both seasons has a metaphorical significance, even if you don't realize it.

Tea is no exception. Its one of the few times an eastern philosophy creeps into Good Omens, but it still meets with a western ideal. It's also intrinsically linked to Aziraphale and his affected British style.

Coffee gets more of a focus in S2, and has a specific meaning around freedom and liberty, whereas tea appears more in S1. But the metaphorical meanings around them are fairly consistent across both seasons, with stereotypes for the British drinking tea and the Americans only drinking coffee put aside.

Lets start with Muriel on the doorstep of the bookshop, at the beginning of S2E3, asking to come in, because its noisy outside.

Aziraphale, after a moment to take in who they are, is the epitome of politeness as he welcomes them inside.

You might think "well, isn't this just Aziraphale being typically Aziraphale?" in this moment, but soon we shall see its a relevant part of a ritual going on here.

The bookshop is noticeably quieter on the inside. There is just the two of them. Aziraphale offers Muriel tea in a fine china cup, with a blue pattern, and gold trim.

Muriel is not sure what to do with it so they just hold it. Aziraphale makes a point of demonstrating what should be done: He tells Muriel the tea is "to drink," then looks at it, sips, and makes both an appreciative expression and sound.

Muriel seems repelled by this, and declares they are just going to look at theirs. Aziraphale patiently, still polite, lets them do so.

Up to this point, there are actually two levels of meta happening at the same time. The first one is a tea ceremony (which I had a go at once before, and got the wrong one!) and the other is about trying to get Muriel to take the first step in "going native."

A tea ceremony always starts with a courteous invitation. The tea is prepared, then served and offered to others. It should be taken in a tranquil, peaceful setting, perhaps in a harmonious natural environment (such as a Garden) and with only a few people at a time (two people is considered a "superior" experience.) The tea ware is important, as it should allow the fragrance of the tea to be appreciated (we have some fine china, Heavenly-coded.) Appreciation of the tea's qualities is undertaken, first with the eyes, then by smell, then tasting. It is considered an art, a process of spiritual enjoyment, a means of cultivating the moral character - and then Crowley bursts into the bookshop with his flirty comment about going by train and breaks the fragile connection Aziraphale had been trying to establish with Muriel.

*sigh* Timing, Crowley! Can't you see I'm in the middle of trying to subvert a fellow angel here?

I was recently reminded that tea and coffee have a connection in GO, in that that they are both linked to the American War of Independence. While the speech that gives us "Give me liberty, or give me death!" conjures the stormy winds of war sounding trouble approaching, the Boston Tea Party was the initial spark of the brewing conflict.

I realize there is a LOT of stuff written about this particular bit of history, and it can get quite political even in these modern times, so let me frame it in a Good Omens frame of reference if you aren't familiar with it - the colonists in the New World were upset at how they were being ruled from afar by the British and staged a small protest about some new laws imposed on them by dumping ship-loads of valuable tea leaves (a daily consumable pleasure people had become hooked on) into Boston Harbor on the night of 16th December 1773. To disguise themselves they dressed themselves as indigenous people, or "native Americans" as one might have said. This was just the beginning of further rebellion that led to war a few years later.

So here is another reason Aziraphale offers tea to Muriel, and not cocoa; he can see how fascinated they are with with everything Earthly around them, and he hopes to ignite a spark of rebellion in them, too, by introducing them to the more civilized pleasures (*ahem*) that he knows and enjoys so well.

While there is little tea to be seen in S2, there is plenty to be seen in S1. Perhaps the most prominent one for this discussion occurs right near the beginning, when Gabriel surprises Aziraphale in the sushi restaurant in S1E1.

Aziraphale offers to tea to Gabriel, and Gabriel shuns it. He, like most of the angels we meet, have no real interest in Earth. It's "gross." Ah, well. He gets to change his mind in S2.

So where else do we see tea in S1?

The Four Horsepeople: War orders four teas, one black, and a cheese sandwich in the diner where they all meet up together for the first time on Earth. We don't know who the sandwich is for, but I'm going to guess its for Famine. Reasons below, with Shadwell. (Cheese and tea make a nice savoury pair for a snack, if you haven't tried it. I'm partial to tea with cheese and crackers on the side from time to time.)

The Tibetan Tunnelers were on tea break from digging tunnels all over the Earth when we meet them, where they mention they were transported into the tunnels when they themselves stopped for tea back in their real lives on the surface.

Shadwell's infamously sweet tea, with either nine sugars or condensed milk, needs a mention as well, as it appears several times. Shadwell is an Aziraphale parallel-character, living on the fringes of society and starving for attention, even though he makes feeble swipes at Madam Tracey's attempts to care for him. The sugar represents the amount of care or "sweetening up" he needs.

When he first meets Newt he gets the young man to buy him a tea and a packet of cheese and onion crisps. Remember the cheese sandwich War ordered for Famine? A packet of cheese flavoured crisps is a parallel here. Newt has turned up and finally given someone Shadwell someone to sink his teeth into.

Finally, we need to return to Crowley - its coffee, as black as his soul for him, please, and extra strong (six shots is for the number of Hell.)

Because he's already "gone native," just like Aziraphale, and he wants to maintain his freedom. He's left the Garden, and Heaven, behind him, and he'll do anything to keep it that way, thank you.

I'd like to thank my mutual and other food meta writer @vidavalor for discussing some of this off-list some time ago. We mostly see things the same way, I believe, but one must tread one's own path sometimes. They have some different ideas around some of this, but I'll let them say it in their own words.

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens meta #aziraphale #muriel #gabriel #four horsepeople of the apocalypse #shadwell #the tibetan tunnelers #and a cheese sandwich #six shots of espresso #gone native #gross matter #it's what humans do #tea ceremony #cup of tea #cupperty

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ineffable-rohese · 5 months

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Neil's picks for Aziraphale & Crowley's Angelic Playlist were Cry Me a River (Julie London), The Book of Love (Peter Gabriel), and The Show Must Go On (Queen).

Three songs. Two about the aftermath of a break up, and one about coming together in love. So very clearly, we can infer a Crowley POV song, an Aziraphale POV song, and a song for the two of them and their happily ever after. (Song lyrics for all three after the cut for reference.)

The Book of Love is a perfect wedding song. It's a song to play under two people declaring their desire to spend eternity together. With lines about dancing and reading and it's perfect. It's originally a Magnetic Fields song that was released in 1999. Peter Gabriel recorded a cover in 2004 for the movie Shall We Dance about which I know nothing but the Wikipedia summary. But since we know how movies are important here... It's a standard rom-com with a bored Richard Gere secretly taking up ballroom dancing after following a pretty lady from the train (J-Lo). His wife (Susan Sarandon) thinks he's cheating, turns out nope, just dancing, drama ensues, he gives up dancing but eventually his wife becomes supportive and he realizes he loves his wife. And dancing. And they live happily ever after, with both of them getting what they want. Maybe we can draw some parallels here? But I think the song speaks for itself better than its connection with what sounds like a standard early 2000s romcom.

The individual songs are where it gets interesting.

Cry Me a River was first released by Julie London in 1951, but became popular after she sang it in the 1956 film The Girl Can't Help It starring Jayne Mansfield as an aspiring rock 'n roll singer. Again, relying on Wikipedia here, but there is an interesting bit about a blossoming forbidden relationship, wiretapped phones, and someone editing the recordings to keep the love affair secret. But again, it's probably a stretch to look too deeply into the movie.

The song has a very classic jazz feel. It's from a decade and a half later, but if you were, say, an angel who enjoyed Moonlight Serenade or A Nightingale Sang in Berkley Square, it has a similar feel. You definitely wouldn't say it's bebop. The lyrics are about someone who was in love and had their heartbroken. Their former love (who never shed a tear over the break up) has returned and wants to make up. The singer essentially says "you love me? Prove it. Cry me a river like I cried when you left." Which, fair, but in our context, ouch.

The Show Must Go On is a Queen song, and we know how much Queen we hear in association with Crowley in particular. But this just isn't any Queen song. It was written by Brian May about Freddie Mercury's struggles as he neared the end of his life, and it was recorded in 1990. (Coincidentally or not, the year Good Omens was published, a book co-created by friends, one of whom would die too soon, and the other of whom would reflect on his friend's end of life struggles as the story was told more fully. Yes, I'm crying about this.)

In the song, the singer is fighting to reach a place of freedom, away from empty spaces and heartbreak. They are fighting with pure will, and even though their heart is breaking they smile and carry on because the show must go on.

What I really appreciate here with the POV songs, is that they are cross-coded. Queen is Crowley-coded, but the song about someone fighting through heartbreak to achieve something vital, while forcing a smile for the audience? That's absolutely Aziraphale in Heaven. And the 40s/50s jazz ballad is absolutely Aziraphale's style, but the jilted lover who may be willing to give their love a second chance but needs to see proof that the lover cares as much as they do is Crowley all the way.

It's almost like... Well it's almost like even in their separation, they are each carrying a piece of the other. The book of love has music in it, indeed.

The Book of Love

The book of love is long and boring No one can lift the damn thing It's full of charts and facts, and figures And instructions for dancing But I I love it when you read to me. And you You can read me anything.

The book of love has music in it In fact that's where music comes from Some of it's just transcendental Some of it's just really dumb But I I love it when you sing to me And you You can sing me anything

The book of love is long and boring And written very long ago It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes And things we're all too young to know But I I love it when you give me things And you You ought to give me wedding rings

Cry Me a River

Now you say you're lonely You cry the whole night thorough Well, you can cry me a river, cry me a river I cried a river over you

Now you say you're sorry For bein' so untrue Well, you can cry me a river, cry me a river I cried a river over you

You drove me, nearly drove me out of my head While you never shed a tear Remember, I remember all that you said Told me love was too plebeian Told me you were through with me and

Now you say you love me Well, just to prove you do Come on and cry me a river, cry me a river I cried a river over you

The Show Must Go On

Empty spaces, what are we living for? Abandoned places, I guess we know the score, on and on Does anybody know what we are looking for?

Another hero, another mindless crime Behind the curtain, in the pantomime Hold the line Does anybody want to take it anymore?

The show must go on The show must go on, yeah Inside my heart is breaking My makeup may be flaking But my smile, still, stays on

Whatever happens, I'll leave it all to chance Another heartache, another failed romance, on and on Does anybody know what we are living for? I guess I'm learning I must be warmer now I'll soon be turning, round the corner now Outside the dawn is breaking But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free

The show must go on The show must go on Inside my heart is breaking My makeup may be flaking But my smile, still, stays on

My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies Fairy tales of yesterday, grow but never die I can fly, my friends

The show must go on The show must go on I'll face it with a grin I'm never giving in On with the show I'll top the bill I'll overkill I have to find the will to carry on On with the show Show Show must go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on

#ineffable playlist #good omens #good omens meta #ineffable lovers #ineffable divorce #queen #peter gabriel #julie london #neil gaiman #terry pratchett

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avelera · 9 months

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Thinking about blasphemy and Good Omens right now and I can't help but notice an interesting phenomenon around some discussions I've seen about the Second Coming and Jesus Christ being a character in S3.

Namely, I see much more underlying discomfort around the possibility of the show poking fun at the figure of Jesus Christ than I do with any other prediction discussion or discussion around religion in the show.

On the one hand, I completely understand how poking fun at the Antichrist dogma from Revelations doesn't feel particularly blasphemous, where poking fun at Jesus does. The Antichrist is a stock character of horror at this point. Many more disrespectful teams than Gaiman and Pratchett have played with that story. It's barely even considered poking fun at Christianity to have Adam, the son of Satan, be a good kid in Good Omens. But Jesus is a very important figure to Christians all over the world. There are devout Christians who truly love Jesus and no one wants to be a jerk by just outright disrespecting a figure that is dear to so many.

But on the other hand, expecting Good Omens to not make fun of Jesus is a bit absurd to me. Literally saying, "I don't think the satirical religion show is going to satirize religion because it might upset people." Gaiman hasn't shied away from messing with religion or religious bigots before. He gleefully shrugged off attacks over God being a woman, or Adam and Eve being portrayed by people of color.

The Book of Job is lampooned in Season 2. I know it doesn't feel like it to many people here, but the reinterpretation of the Book of Job in S2 definitely registers as blasphemy on some religious scales. It is satirizing a religious text after all.

Saying that angels and demons fall in love and worse, have that love be portrayed by actors of the same sex could be seen as blasphemy at the very least on the level of saying God is a woman. And by the way, it's not like these religious texts say "God is whatever you want the entity to be" or "God is a woman if that makes you happy". Hell no, the Bible is extremely damn clear on God being male. The official position of the Catholic Church is that God is male. Official Catholic dogma is incredibly anti-female in terms of inherent holiness, women cannot become priests, even nuns are dependent on a priest to deliver the Sacraments, it's a huge deal and they are not planning to change any time soon and it is totally unambiguous.

Making God explicitly female might not seem like a big deal since films like Dogma, another religious satire, did it in the 90s but to True Believes in the official doctrine, that is a form of blasphemy.

Good Omens is by definition a blasphemous work. How offensively blasphemous it is really depends on the devoutness of the viewer. And I find it interesting the extent to which there's something of a knee jerk, "Oh they won't do that!" in terms of further satirizing religion in the show about religious satire. As if Jesus hasn't been satirized in other mainstream movies before like the aforementioned Dogma or Life of Brian.

And here's the thing, my personal opinion is? Blasphemy is good! Blasphemy laws on the books mean it's ok to punish, hurt, or even kill a person for making fun of religion or just doing the religion wrong. Human progress has been frozen in place by blasphemy laws, sciences have progressed when blasphemy laws ease or often while deliberately concealing their efforts from authorities in places where blasphemy laws or laws that were otherwise based on the dominant religion exist.

If anything, I am actually a bit uncomfortable with the idea that Good Omens should hold back on lampooning a figure like Jesus Christ. If devout Christians will make laws that determine what other humans can do with their bodies based on their religion, then their religion should absolutely be open to outright mockery without punishment or ramification to anyone. Of course on an individual level I wouldn't wish to be offensive to someone sincerely religious but at the same time, I am also violently anti-censorship of any kind. And blasphemy and religious mockery are often right at the heart of censorship debates.

The world is a better place when we can openly mock religion.

I'm not going to caveat that as an opinion. Being able to openly and without fear discuss, criticize, and mock religion is an incredibly important part of any free society. The battles over this right have been vicious and bloody and are actively ongoing around the world. Just as an example, anti-blasphemy laws were on the books in Ireland until 2020, there was a huge campaign to have them removed because other countries were pointing to them as an example of why they should keep and exercise such laws.

My point is that I suppose this is something of hyperbole or alarmist or overly strident. I can understand people wanting to be decent about not openly mocking a figure of such importance to so many like Jesus. But quite honestly? I hope Good Omens does whatever it pleases with mocking Jesus. I hope they don't hold back. I hope people remember that being able to mock religion is really important, especially when representatives of that religion are actively trying to clamp down on the rights of others.

And honestly, if religious people are offended they should just not watch or they should develop a thicker skin if they expose themselves to such discourse. Religion and Christianity in particular is an active part of the public sphere. It is worthy of discussion. Public discourse often includes mockery, especially of the powerful and of powerful forces that steer the course of nations, like Christianity.

And I think it's important for Good Omens fans, who are a very progressive group, not to cherry pick and moralize over what satire or blasphemy is permitted. All satire should be permitted. All blasphemy should be permitted. The religious bigots don't care if you think God being a woman is ok but making fun of Jesus isn't. It's all the same, anything but glowing praise is criticism to some of these forces. Open discussion is far more important and yes, that includes mockery, and silly discussions in a silly show about an angel and a demon who avert the Apocalypse and fall in love.

#maggie rambles #good omens spoilers

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thefallennightmare · 6 months

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Miracle-thirteen

Pairings: Noah Sebastian x Reader

Warnings/Tropes: forced proximity, slight enemies to lovers, slow burn, smut, angst, fluff, mentions of death, and swearing.

Summary: Reader is the merch girl for Bad Omens. It wasn't what she wanted to do with her life but when her mother got sick with Alzheimer's, reader took a job where she could to help with the costs. She thought it would be a one-time gig but the longer she was on the road with them, the harder she fell for Noah Sebastian; even if he wanted nothing to do with her. She needed a miracle to save her mom and her future.

Author Note: Y'all are in for a huge mind fuck in this one.

Tags: @ada-clarence @nonamessblog @thescarlettvvitch @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @theoneandonlykymberlee @yumikitten @blackveilomens @cherrymedicine13 @thebadchic @notmaddihealy @jay02bo @beaker1636 @jakekiszkasguitarpick @punk-pr1ncessxoxo @er3nslovergirl @iamdesolate @lma1986 @jessitpwk @themodern-daywednesday @writethrough @bngurngheart @dreams-that-are-anwsered @loeytuan98 @omens-in-reverse @loverofagoodbeard @jay02bo @niicoleleigh

This can't be. This is so fucked up. Did he know? Why wouldn't he say something?

My good knee bounced in agitation as I sat in the living area of the tour bus, waiting for the guys to finish up the show. With how much pain I was in any time I walked, Noah told me to rest tonight and not worry about working. I, of course, tried to fight it but when the rest of the guys sided with Noah, I retreated to the bus with a pout. I had the option to hang out on the stage to watch the show but with what I found out from my little internet search, the idea of solace was something I desperately needed. After Noah helped me get comfortable on the bus, he left me with a kiss and a promise he'll be back as soon as the show ended.

I wanted to tell him not to rush because I needed more time to think of how I was going to tell him about my mom especially after what I found out. It wasn't like I could ask my mom about it and asking my dad was obviously a dead end, pun intended.

Well, the man who I thought was my dad.

It wasn't much of an extensive search as I looked up Lincoln, whose last name ended up being Boyle since a Lincoln Keoghan didn't exist. Lincoln Boyle lived in the same state my mom did about twenty-five years ago, right before I was conceived. The internet searched gave me previous address' of his and one of them was right next door to the house I lived in the first few years of my life.

So we were neighbors. Maybe that's why my mom kept remembering him. But there wasn't a photo of him anywhere online which made me pause my research for a little while. Then the thought of who my mom thought Folio was came to mind. She thought he was Jonathan, her husband. According to her, he wasn't welcomed home anymore, and I wasn't his daughter."

I rubbed my tired eyes with a long sigh. "None of this makes sense."

Then a thought hit me like a freight train. I had brought some things from home before coming to the venue tonight, old pictures and photo books. I salvaged the ones my mom didn't destroy and fearing she would while I was gone; I brought them with me. I quickly texted Folio since he wasn't on the bus yet. I knew the show ended because there was a growing group of fans hanging around the metal barricade.

Hey, are my bags from home still in the green room?

A few minutes passed before he responded.

No, someone brought them onto the bus awhile ago. I think they're on the undercarriage.-Folio.

"Shit," I muttered.

I had help to come up the stairs of the bus and even that was difficult. How would I do it by myself?

Don't even think about grabbing them. What do you need?-Folio.

Rolling my eyes, I told him what I needed.

I'll be there in a few. Noah was on his way to you but got held up by some fans outside.-Folio.

I set my phone aside and looked out the window behind me to see Noah talking with the fans and posing for a few pictures. Even if he was smiling and nodding along, I knew he was rushing to get to the bus. He was dressed out of his stage gear to a black t-shirt and a pair of black joggers. Almost as if he felt me watching, Noah turned to the bus and gave me a small wave when he saw me. In return, I smiled before hearing Folio ascended up the stairs of the bus with three different photo albums.

"I wasn't sure which one you needed so I brought all of them," he said while handing them to me.

"Thanks," I automatically knew which one so I set the other two aside.

Folio raised a brow as he sat next to me. "What are you looking for?"

"My mom kept rambling about this guy Lincoln and- I started to explain.

"Johnathan," he cut me off. "She thought I was?"

I briefly looked at him while nodding. "My dad."

Folio let out a low whistle. "You heard what she said, right?"

I had been flipping through the pages when I stopped at his words and let out a breath. "About me not being my dads? Yeah. Trust me, my mind is completely fucked up right now especially after what I found out."

Noticing the look on his face, I filled him in on what I found during my internet research all while continuing to flip through the photo album. While I never looked through this one before, I knew it had pictures of me within my first year of life and as I was reaching the end, I almost gave up hope when my heart sank to the pits of my stomach as I froze. My eyes immediately landed on a picture of my parents and me with a man I'd never seen before. We were all sitting on the couch in our living room. I was on my moms lap, who was sitting in between my dad and the other man. The look on my dad's face showed one emotion; rage.

"Who's that?" Folio asked.

Shrugging, I pulled out the photo and turned it over, hoping they wrote something on the back. Over the years when I looked at the picture, I noticed my mom always described what was going on in the picture. I never thought much of it until recently when I realized she did it because she knew eventually, her brain would forget.

September '98. Me, Johnathan, Y/N, and Lincoln Boyle. I told Johnathan about the affair and about Y/N.

I gasped, finally having a face to the name.

"That's Lincoln," I muttered.

Folio hesitated, unsure how to tread with his question. "Do you think he's your real dad?"

Ignoring him, I placed the picture back into the book before flipping through a few more pages, the pictures only showing either me alone or with Jonathan. Until at the very last page, there was only one picture. My mom, Jonathan, and me standing in front of the house I currently live in; the one where I grew up.

October 23 '99. Y/N's birthday. Jonathan, Y/N, and I in front of our new house. I just came back to them after leaving them for Lincoln. Johnathan said he would only allow me back into Y/N's life if I leave Lincoln behind. Even though Y/N isn't his, Jonathan did a great job raising her the last year. I hope she can forgive me when she's older and knows the truth. James would love to meet her.

Forcing the picture back into the book, I slammed it shut before letting it fall to the floor. Anger radiated throughout every cell of my body as darkness took over my vision.

My own fucking mother left me behind to go be with a man she had an affair with. The same man that was my real dad?

"Y/N?" Folio's voice was soft, not knowing if I would explode any second.

I did, and it was intense.

"What kind of mother leaves their own child behind for some guy?!" I bellowed while raising to my feet. "She missed my first birthday! And who knows what else? Why did she come back? Who the fuck is James?!"

Tears burned in my eyes and I furiously wiped them away. Everything about the last twenty-four hours had been incredibly draining and mentally, I was exhausted.

Folio sat on the couch in front of me. "Didn't she say she only had a son, named James?"

I blinked slowly as his words sunk in and the ones I read on the second picture flashed in my mind like a bright neon sign.

James would love to meet her.

"You think James, if he exists, that he's my brother?" My words came out slowly, almost as if I was trying to process it.

Folio ran a hand through his hair. "According to the pictures, your mom disappeared for a year. Plenty of time to have another kid."

I looked back through the photo album to that picture and now getting a good look at it, I could faintly make out my mom's round stomach. I wasn't an expert, but I'd have to guess she had to be at least five months along in this photo.

So did she make Jonathan believe it was his until he found out the truth? Both kids in their marriage was out of wedlock.

I chuckled darkly when my heart shattered, pieces falling into my stomach. The pain was too much. Finding out the truth about my past had broken all of my trust with my mom.

"She left me behind to go have another family with Lincoln," I said sadly with my eyes cast down at the picture before slowly looking up at Folio. "Why didn't she take me with her?"

That's what hurt the most. My mom left me behind with the man who still raised me as his own after knowing the truth. But Lincoln was my actual dad; did he not want me? She left me behind for a year to start a family with someone else but why did she come crawling back?

Folio went to reach for me when he noticed I was seconds away from a breakdown but I smacked his hand away, the sound echoing throughout the bus.

I scoffed. "The worst part about this entire thing? I can't even fucking ask her about any of it because she doesn't remember a single fucking thing!"

Grabbing the rest of the photo albums, I walked over to the trash can that was hidden under the kitchen sink and tossed them inside. I was so angry that the pain in my knee was forgotten as I gritted my teeth together and stomped over to my phone. Folio must have known what I was about to do because he snatched it right before.

"Folio, give me my phone."

He shook his head. "You said it yourself, Y/N. Your mom can't remember anything. It'd be a waste to get answers from her."

A muscle in my jaw tense as I clenched it, not wanting to turn my anger onto Folio when he didn't deserve it. Suddenly, my phone rang in his hand and when he showed me the screen, Lana was calling me. It was late, almost eleven, but not uncommon for her to call me around this time. However, I was in no mood to talk. To anyone.

I ignored the call and gripped the phone tight in my hand, not missing the look on Folio's face.

"It could be about your mom," he said.

"Fuck her!" I spat; venom laced with every word. "I'm done giving a shit about her or her disease. She lied about my entire life. How do I know she's not lying about her Alzheimer's?"

Alright, I knew she was actually sick, medical proof. But that did nothing to calm the rage within my mind.

"I know you're angry-."

"Angry?!" I snapped. "I'm fucking furious, Folio! She lied to me my entire life. She had every opportunity to tell me the truth before she got sick but she probably thought she was off the hook now. You have no idea the mental load taking care of her this last year was like. When I wasn't working, I was home with her watching her like a hawk so she didn't hurt herself or wander into someone's yard. The night before I left for this tour, I found her standing outside almost naked. I had no idea how long she was out there for and I felt so guilty for letting that happen."

"I did all of that for her no questions asked and rarely complained because she was my mother. And what do I get in thanks? I find out that my dad isn't actually my dad, she left me for a fucking year to start a family with my real dad only for her to ditch him and their son together, who could very well be my brother, before crawling back to us? There's all these questions that I'll never know the answers to because my mom can't remember, Jonathan is dead, there hasn't been a trace of Lincoln anywhere and I don't know if I have the energy to look up James."

Tears were streaming down my face now and I choked out a sob. "I'm so fucking exhausted, Folio. Every time something good happens in my life, I get tossed a shit hand and I have to deal with the outcome alone."

Folio shook his head while standing to his feet. "You're not alone. You've got all of us, especially Noah."

"Noah's too good for me. He doesn't need this train wreck for a girlfriend," I cried.

"Why don't you let me decide that angel?"

Whirling around at the deep voice, I saw Noah standing at the top of the stairs that led up to the bus. His arms were crossed over his broad chest and his lips were pulled tight in a slight frown. He was clearly upset with what he heard but I wasn't sure how much he heard.

"H-ho-w long have you been standing there?" I stammered.

"Since you ignored that phone call," he nodded towards the phone clutched in my hand.

Shit. Mother fucker.

He heard everything.

My lips mimicked a fish out of water as I tried to gather words to say but nothing came out. Thankfully, Folio could feel the sudden tension and spoke for me.

"So you heard everything?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "How long have you known?"

There was a slight edge to Noah's voice, and I adverted my gaze from him, feeling guilty that my decision about whom to confide in was causing a rift between Noah and Folio. This was the last thing I wanted since they were friends long before I came into the picture.

I wasn't worth losing a good friend over.

"He's only known since last night," I spoke up finally finding my voice.

Noah's eyes snapped over to me. "Right, because you called him."

Now I was on the receiving end of his attitude and frankly, I wasn't too keen about it.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Because you didn't answer. I thought we moved past this."

"It seems like every time I find you lately, you're with him," Noah dropped his hands to his sides.

Folio went to say something, but I held up a hand to stop him. The anger that I felt about my mom was now intensifying thanks to Noah's accusatory words.

"Kind of hard not to be around Folio when I work for you guys. There's a simple fix for that; fire me," I said.

Noah's jaw ticked. "No."

I shrugged, the tears now drying to my cheeks. "It's for the best, Noah. I don't want to be the reason you two fight. Folio and I are just friends."

"Man, I'd never do that to you," Folio spoke next. "I know how crazy you are about her. You have been since that first time Davis introduced her to us."

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a jealous asshole but I want to be the one you come to with these things, angel," Noah reached for me.

I, however, took a step away from him with a new set of tears brimming in my eyes.

"I think it'll be best for everyone if maybe we ended things before we get too involved."

Noah's face fell. "Angel."

Another step away from him. "You heard what I'm going through. The last thing I need right now is a relationship."

"So, you're going to end this because things got too hard for you to deal with?" he snapped.

"I don't expect you to understand, Noah," my voice wavered. "I wanted this to work, believe me. But I'm not in the right headspace right now. Maybe in the future-."

"Don't fucking bother," Noah spat as he pushed passed me to the bunk area of the bus.

Sniffling, I wiped away the tears and gave a weak smile to Folio.

"For the record, I think this is a stupid idea," he pointed to where Noah was. "He'd be willing to do whatever it took to make you happy, Y/N."

"I tried to tell him that maybe down the road but he blew me off. Fuck him." I said with a bit more confidence than I was feeling.

With a defeated sigh, Folio motioned to the door of the bus.

"Come on. I'll help you grab your things. The crew bus hasn't left yet."

"Thanks Folio," I muttered.

I didn't bother to look over my shoulder but maybe if I did, I would have seen Noah go to throw something in the garbage only to end up pulling out my photo books.

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian and reader #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian reader insert #noah sebastian smut #forced proximity #enemies to lovers #slow burn

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the-oaken-muse · 7 months

Text

I watched Good Omens for the first time last week, so I'm a bit late to the party, but I wanted to talk a little bit about the Metatron's offer to Aziraphale.

On my initial watch, I definitely got "Azula tricking Zuko to come back to the Fire Nation" vibes and after a few rewatches as well as a refresher on that episode of ATLA, the parallels are even stronger.

First we have the Metatron and Azula:

They both show up suddenly with grand promises, telling Aziraphale and Zuko exactly what they want to hear. You can come Home. You can come back to Heaven, and so can Crowley. We need you. We want you.

They both emphasize that they are delivering good news, really hyping it up. They are so kind and understanding. Take all the time you need.

But at the same time that they are warm to their target, they show open disdain to their closest ally when their backs are turned.

Next, we have Aziraphale and Zuko:

At this point, Zuko still believes in the vision of the Fire Nation, he believes that they are honorable and right in what they do, and Aziraphale believes that Heaven is the epitome of goodness, truth, and light. The word "indoctrination" comes to mind. They've both been burned by the people they look up to, but are blinded by their ideals.

They're extremely loyal to their side, and there's more than a little denial at play. When Crowley and Iroh express distrust and a desire not to go, they get defensive, they lash out. You don't know, you don't understand.

Finally, we have Crowley and Iroh:

They truly care for Aziraphale and Zuko. They're always there for them and would do just about anything to protect them.

They are a bit more worldly than their companions and are suspicious of the Metatron and Azula's intentions. In our family, things aren't always what they seem. Heaven and Hell are both toxic.

They both receive the same invitation to join the others, to go Home, to go to Heaven, even though the main focus is on Aziraphale and Zuko. The parallels diverge with these two, however: while Azula doesn't really care whether or not her uncle joins them, as long as she gets Zuko, Crowley was never meant to accept the offer. The Metatron draws Aziraphale away from Crowley to talk, they are separated as soon as possible, and a wedge driven between them.

At first, Iroh wasn't going to go, but changed his mind at the last minute. Crowley does not change his mind.

With how similar these two scenes are, I can't help but speculate on what this means for Good Omens. Is this just an elaborate way of kidnapping Aziraphale? Are the angels taking pointers from their last attempt and taking a more subtle, calculated approach this time?

Do they actually want Aziraphale on their side or are they just trying to get him out of the way?

#good omens #good omens season two #good omens s2 #avatar the last airbender #analysis #long post #yes hi #i'm coming in with the spicy hot take that heaven is the fire nation #i will not be taking any criticism at this time #they way some of the screenshots have the same framing between the two shows makes me really happy for some reason #it's late and i need to go to bed but i hope this makes sense #holds up the two scenes #they're the same picture #go2 #good omens season 2 #good omens spoilers

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lovelybrooke · 8 days

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Hey, I’m hoping I can request a one shot where the couple from good omens had to take the reader in for the night because the parents had a last minute thing they needed to do and they didn’t have anyone else who could help them. Maybe what they would do all night and what the couple would take about in private.

Thanks!

Proof I Don't Hate You (Platonic Yandere Good Omens)

---

Yeah sure, here you go. Also I literally can't remember if Aziraphale lived above his shop or not, so if I'm wrong let's just pretend.

I made this very Crowley focused so--sorry If that's not what you wanted.

Masterlist

---

"A-Are you sure you're okay with this? We really don't want to bother you with anything, my sister can--"

"Mrs! Please--it's no problem to me at all, I promise." You watch as Mr. Fell attempts to soothe your mothers worries. Your father has been sick for the past few days, and after waking up in the middle of the night with a fever of 105 degrees, you all knew it was best if he got to a hospital as soon as possible. Mr. Fell had given you his number in case of emergencies, so you were quick to message him about the whole ordeal. He responded almost immediately, assuring him that it was fine for you to stay in his home above the bookshop.

For a moment you thought it was weird how quickly he responded, but your mother wasted no time shoveling you all into the car and driving as fast as legally possible towards the bookshop. Even while concerned over her husband, your mother was worried about bothering your boss.

"You're positive?!" Your mother breathed a side of relief. "Thank you so much--hopefully we'll be back soon, early morning at the latest, I promise you." Mr. Fell looked barely disturbed, all smiles. Your mother sighed once more, giving you a kiss on the cheek. "Be good--please. I'll be back in the morning."

You nod, whipping your cheek a bit as you watch her speed back towards the car. Hopefully your father was okay.

"Sorry about all this Mr. Fell." You spoke lightly as he ushered you into the flat. It was very cozy, much like the shop below him. There were books everywhere, in the hallways even, littering the floors. He had many plants, most of which you knew had to be from Mr. Crowley, for a second it was sweet, before you remembered that it was Crowley.

"There is no apologies needed, I'm glad to have you over." He sounded so, his voice sweet and comforting, making you nearly forget about the less than ideal situation. If it was anyone else, it would be awkward staying over at your boss's home, but he is too understanding, making all your worries melt away.

You eventually make it to the living room of his flat, choosing to sit down on the couch as you watch his scurry around. He goes to where you assume the kitchen is, hearing the sound of dishes clanking and water pouring before he's back in the main room, handing you a drink and what you assume is left-over food. You thank him before taking a bite, savoring the meal.

"I know it's late but I have games if you'd like to play one." You nod your head as you watch Mr. Fell pick up many different board games and show them to you. Most of them looked old and unopened, making you wonder if they were from a collection. You didn't have time to ask however "I also finally found those books you were asking for if you'd like to read those. I also--" You wonder how long he’d continue talking if something didn't stop him.

"Angel I--what are they doing here?" You look over to see Crowley, glasses and all, a small plant tucked away in his side. You smiled slightly at the sigh, it was sweet, but apparently that just annoyed Crowley more as he sneered at the sight.

Mr. Fell eyes wide only for a small second before responding. "(Y/n)--Crowley--is staying over while their father is in hospital, so be nice." His voice was more strained on the last part, which almost made you laugh.

Crowley groaned as placed the plant down on the ground, near a few others. He messes with a few of their leaves, checking them over for a small moment before taking a seat of the chair across the couch, slouching as he stares you two down. "I'll try." His voice was just as strained as Mr. Fell's.

That seemed like enough to satisfy Mr. Fell, him smiling as he clasps his hands together, a very different sight to his partner across from him. Sometimes, you wonder if you did something to make Crowley hate you. It must've just been you, since from day one he's seemingly wanted nothing to do with you. You don't think about it too much, it makes you feel weird whenever you do. You don't hate Crowley, in fact you like him a lot, but sometimes you wonder if it's your fault for reciprocating his negative behavior.

You're broken out of your thoughts by the sound of Aziraphale gasping, standing up suddenly. "I almost forgot--you two wait here, I have another game somewhere..." his voice trails off and for the first time in the night, you're nervous. You like Crowley, but knowing he's observing you from behind those glasses of his filled you with dread.

"Mr. Crowley, why do you like plants so much?" You don't know why you asked him, but it just felt right. He looked genuinely surprised by the question, shifting in his seat a bit while he mulled over the question.

"...they're easy to take care of--for the most part if you know what you're doing." His snarky voice made you laugh, and for a moment you thought you saw Crowley smile--but it must've been your imagination.

"Could you teach me--how to care for plants I mean." You ask.

Crowley leans his shoulder on the arm of the seat, placing his chin on hand. He smirks at you, but there is less distaste in it, you can tell. "You sure you can handle it, plants are a lot of work, kid."

"I can manage."

"Mr. Fell over here seems to work you to death, you look tired, or is that how ya always look."

You frown lightly. "I-I mean with school and everything...you're no better, always covering your face as well!" You poke and Crowley moves his hand to cover his mouth slightly, but you could see the smile bits of a smile.

"I don't always cover my face--just when you're around." You scoff at the statement, crossing your arms.

"Oh, just say you hate me already." You playfully groan. Crowley however doesn't take it that way. the playfulness, something so rare in the man, was all gone, replaced with a familiar cold expression.

"Don't say that--I don't--I don't hate you." He says, his voice low. The smile on your face disappears and you're back to being nervous again.

"--It was a joke." You nearly whisper, obviously started by the shift.

"I know--It wasn't funny though." He almost sounded like he was whining, it was annoying.

"You act like it though." Maybe you were stirring the pot, poking the beast, but you couldn't help it. Not when he was acting like some sort of victim, all because of a joke. "You constantly tease me at work, and you make fun of me when I get upset or defensive--"

"That's different though."

You wanted Mr. Fell to come back.

"How is that different?'

He was taking so long.

"--because I don't hate you."

Hasn't he heard all this?

"Then why do you act like it?"

Crowley remained silent, and the air remained still, until Mr. Fell returned. "I found the game!" He said excitedly, oblivious to what transpired.

The night progressed like a blur, you played a few games, pretending as though nothing happened. You could tell something was wrong with Crowley. he was more stilted than normal, but you couldn't bring yourself to care.

Eventually, you succumbed to sleep and was moved to the spare bedroom by Mr. Fell. He carefully shut the door before quickly moving back into the living room, Crowley sulking on the chair, his back facing him. He moved to stand in front of the demon, annoyance clear on his face. "Would you like to explain what happened?"

Crowley shrugged. "You heard?" He asks, his voice uncharacteristically small.

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. "I'm not deaf--of course it heard Crowley! What were you thinking?" Even while clearly angry, the angel attempted to keep his voice down so as to not wake you up.

"Why would they think I hate them?" Crowley asked, almost in disbelief. "You know me angel--I hate a lot of things." Crowley stands up, almost distressed "but I don't hate them." He points towards the spare room.

"I know that Crowley." Aziraphale pointed towards themself, emphasizing the I. "But do they?" He points out, and for a second it seemed as though Crowley understood.

Emotions were confusing with Crowley. With Aziraphale he had a lot, lot more time to figure everything out, but that doesn't mean it wasn't confusing. He loves Aziraphale, that's clear as day, but he wasn't able to figure that out in a day, or a month, or a year, or a decade. It took centuries for him to say those words, but he doesn't get that grace for you.

Your life is finite, a small speak in the endless sea of other humans they've met. At first he'd thought you'd be like the others, a human who lives, breathes, and then dies, someone he'd forget in a few years. But it was never that easy for Crowley, something always had to change. You managed to worm your way into Aziraphale's heart, and now, he wonders if you did the same to him.

Crowley wonders for a while why you think he hates you, he looks back on his previous interactions with you in a mixture of embarrassment and disgust. His behavior was, less than favorable to say the least, and for once of his life, he wasn't proud of it. You are a kid, confused and complicated, and he surely wasn't helping. For the rest of that night, he was disappointed in himself.

You went home early the next morning, you didn't say a word to Crowley. You were waiting for him to do something, you weren't going to fold. Call it stubborn, but you were tired of his behavior.

So color you surprised when you showed up to work after school, seeing a small succulent on the table you place your stuff by often. For a moment, you thought it was for someone else, that this was just a coincidence, but a small note near the plant changed your mind.

"(Y/n), Proof I don't hate you. --Crowley." On the back of the note were a few little notes on how to take care of the plan, all neatly written and easy to understand.

You smile.

You'd have to thank Crowley later.

---

A/n: I don't know if this was what you wanted, but I hope you enjoyed.

#yandere x reader #soft yandere #platonic yandere #platonic yandere good omens #yandere good omens #good omens x reader #platonic good omens #good omens

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weirdmorefics · 8 months

Text

I Don't Know Who I am Anymore

(Crowley x Platonic Reader x Aziraphale)

A/n- Sorry, I haven't been finishing requests it's hyperfixation time and this time it's Good Omens. This also can be read as romantic or platonic

Pronouns- They/Them

Word Count- 1,183

Summary- The reader is an angel more like was and gets cast out of heaven. When they fall they happen to fall directly in front of their good friend Aziraphale's bookshop.

I never expected falling to feel so cold. I just always assumed it would be burning hot as the air pulled you down to hell. I never thought it would happen to me though. I shut my eyes tight and waited for the feeling to pass. I tell myself this nothing I should embrace the cold before I am forced to an eternity of hell fire.

I hit the ground with a huge thud and cracked the pavement below me. I feel like I can't breathe which is a strange thing I have always been perfect as an angel. My wings shielded me from most of the blow from hitting the ground but I am missing a lot of feathers which are now on the ground. I move my wings around to see what is left of them and they are no longer the shiny white I once knew but a dark grey. Just when I started to breathe better from the fall the shock from the sight of my wings left me completely breathless. I start wheezing uncontrollably and try to stand up my vision blurring from my tears. I whip my head back and forth feeling many eyes on me expecting many demons to be staring at the incompetent angel that couldn't make it in heaven but instead, I see a shocking amount of humans pointing electronic devices at me. I turn in a circle and humans surround all sides except behind me there is a familiar bookshop.

Some humans were asking me if I was okay, some were assuming I jumped, and others said I must be on drugs. Then a tiny human came behind and pulled painfully hard on my already sore wings and shouted "Mom their wings are real they are really real!"

At this shout the building from behind me door swings open at high speeds. I instantly recognized him as the angel Aziraphale he used to be my dear friend we even helped Job together. He probably hates me now because I am no longer an angel they probably sent me here to get tortured by the person it would hurt most from. I just wanted nobody to get hurt! All I said is why should we fight Adam he is just a tiny human, he isn't even fully grown yet. I just didn't want a war where all kinds of beings would die and now I am a traitor! I look at Aziraphale with fear in my eyes pleading with him to just let me run.

I try to turn away but he is quick to grab my arm and announce to the crowd, "Be assured this is just a costume for an advertisement of a new book that will be coming to my shop soon! We were just testing that? Isn't that right Y/N?"

I swallow hard and nod in agreement so as to not make the angel hate me even more. The humans find this as an acceptable excuse because they often will accept anything to explain the unexplainable.

Aziraphale pulls me the rest of the way into the building that is filled with shelves and shelves of books.

Another person walks towards us " What was the commotion angel?" His face instantly sours at my presence, "Who is this demon and what are they doing here?"

That can't breathe feeling is back I try to back up towards the door in preparation.

Aziraphale looks at me and back at Crowley "Surely you must be mistaken! This Y/N they helped us with Job!"

"I remember Y/N but they were an angel this is a demon," He states like Aziraphale is blind. He gets closer to look into my eyes "Though they do look remarkably like Y/N. The Y/N we knew though refused to leave heaven after the job incident for her guilt of disobeying God." He rolled his eyes.

I fall to my knees and beg, "Can we end this charade, please? I know I was only sent here to be tortured before my eternity in hell! By those I consider my only true friends."

Aziraphale's jaw lightly drops open in shock, Y/N is the last angel he would ever think of falling. He is stunned speechless and does not move.

Crowley shakes his head and immediately pulls me to my feet, "No, no, no there is no need for that."

"I- I have failed God. I don't know who I am anymore. I have no purpose in this world. I will no longer be accepted by Heaven and Hell will surely not accept me as you said I did not leave Heaven in decades and I fell trying to keep the anti-Christ safe and out of celestial affairs. I am no one!" I rant out so fast I can truly breathe no more I start wheezing and tears blur my vision.

"Crowley I am not quite sure what to do in this situation. I have never witnessed an angel fall in person." He looks at Crowley with uncertained worried eyes.

Crowley walks up to me but I hardly notice in my state until he holds my body still, "Hey breathe! Heaven is idiotic to let you go! You are the most loyal angel I have ever met and so kind it is nauseating. Heaven doesn't deserve all you have done for them and Hell doesn't deserve your kindness! What do you say and join our side!"

I pull out of his grasp still tearful, "Your side! Aziraphale protects the gates and visited me frequently in heaven! He is an Angel and you hardly know me!"

What Y/N doesn't know is that Crowley already knows he frequents Heaven to visit Y/N. She is a common topic among them during their visits to the Ritz. Aziraphale has always regretted getting them involved with Job because it made their love of God turn to fear making her scared to connect to humans and leave Heaven.

"Trust me, I know you Y/N. You have loved humans since day one when you praised Aziraphale for giving his swords to the humans and assured him it was the right decision."

I twiddle my fingers embarrassed "You know about that?"

Aziraphale pipes in nervously, "Yes, sorry about that. I may have told him since you made me feel so much better in my decision. We also may discuss you a lot… I have been worried about you."

This angered "Did you have doubts about me being a good angel and if so why didn't you say anything!"

"Y/N you have to know I didn't imagine anything like this happening. But there has to be a reason you ended up here and not Hell and it isn't to torture you. You are good Y/N and I know it even Crowley knows it. So as Crowley said join us in our mission to prevent armageddon and we will take it one step at a time together."

I take an unsure breath and look at them both, "Ok I will join you."

#aziraphale x reader #good omens x reader #good omens fandom #good omens fanfiction #good omens fic #crowly x aziraphale #crowley good omens #crowley x reader #crowley x y/n #ineffable husbands #anthony j crowley #good omens

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mayfieldss · 1 year

Text

Can't let go - Dick Grayson

Warnings; language, sexual innuendos, small arguments.

Pairing; Dick Grayson x fem!reader

Summary; You and Dick used to be in love. After your relationship comes to an end, Dick realizes that he never stopped loving you, and maybe he never will.

AN; very loosely inspired by 'Bad Omens' by 5SOS, thanks for the idea / song rec @hiya-its-amber

For the first time in months, Dick feels at peace. He's comfortable and happy, tangled in the sheets with your head on his chest. Your breaths match his, and with his fingers tracing patterns on your bare skin, he can convince himself that this is how it's meant to be. It's proof that he can be happy and that maybe he deserves to be.

"You're oddly quiet." He can hear the smile in your voice, your words drowned in it, and Dick lets himself soak in the fact that you're content. You're content with him.

"Does that bother you?" He presses a kiss to your hair, fingers running absentmindedly over your spine. Your skin is smooth there, scarless, unlike his own.

"I like hearing your voice." You shift in his embrace so you can look at him, and it hits Dick then, just how much he loves the way you look in the morning.

"And like hearing yours." He smiles, and you do the same, the sound of a laugh catching in your throat as he flips over, switching your positions. He's grinning as he presses soft kisses to your neck, and he tries his best to savor the feeling of his lips on your skin. Your hands move over his back and shoulders with touches that alternate between light fingers, skimming over his muscles, and soft hands gripping him tight.

Dick moves his attention to your collarbone, and you chuckle when his hair falls forward, tickling your shoulders. "Get yourself up here, Grayson." He loves the way you say it, and he does as he's told, bringing his lips up to meet yours.

"How ‘bout, I make us breakfast, and we can finish this later?" He stares down at you with gentle eyes, watching as you think it over. Your fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck, and Dick knows more than anything that he would do whatever it took to stay in this moment with you.

"You've got yourself a deal." A Cheshire cat-like smile graces your lips, as you say it, making Dick's stomach do flips.

"What would you like me to make?" He knows the answer already because you give him the same one every time he asks. He only offers you the question so he can stay in bed with you a little while longer.

"You know what I want Grayson, you always do."

Dick raises an eyebrow, fingers running up and down your arm with featherlight touches. "That's an expensive meal you're asking for baby, it'll cost you."

He watches as you bite your lip, the look in your eyes now forever being one of his favourites, before you pull him down into a kiss. It starts soft, sweet, and full of all your affections, but changes soon to something needy and passionate, a feeling so good that it's criminal.

When you pull back for air, you keep him close, arms over his shoulders. "How much does it cost now?"

You smile again, and Dick releases a breathy laugh, moving a hand up to touch your cheek. "Just give me a few more of those, and you have yourself a free meal."

With no hesitation you pull him back toward you, lips melting into his. You were perfect for him, and the feelings that consumed Dick at that moment were still left unmatched.

That's his favourite memory of you, and he recalls it in detail whilst he burns his third plate of food this week. He can't focus on anything other than what he's lost, and he knows he has no one to blame for that but himself. He tried blaming you. He thought if he did, then maybe it wouldn't hurt as much. Maybe he could create some reason in his mind, an explanation for why he did what he did. You had your flaws, but Dick loved every one of them, and there's nothing he can use to pin his pain on you, even if you are the source of it.

When Rachel enters the kitchen Dick hardly notices until he's turned around to see her sitting at the marble island. He puts his plate down, dumping the pan in the sink.

"That's really what you're eating?" Rachel screws up her nose as she watches Dick stand with his back against the counter, plate back in his hand as he takes a small bite of the charred meal. "Did you cook that on a barbecue or something?"

Dick just shrugs, trying to offer the young girl a smile. "It tastes alright." It's a lie and an obvious one at that.

"Dick, put that down, Jesus." Rachel stands, making her way over to him and dumping his plate in the sink. She turns to the fruit bowl on the kitchen island and chucks him an apple. "I can't sit here and watch you eat shit. What was that even supposed to be, anyway?"

Dick grumbles as he watches his meal submerge itself into the water-filled sink, "It was meant to be an omelette, and you didn't have to watch me eat it."

Rachel gives him a pointed look. "That was not an omelette."

Dick turns his gaze away from the burnt, sunken, pile, allowing himself to return Rachel's stare. "I didn't say it was an omelette, I said that's what it was meant to be."

"Well, that doesn't matter." Rachel waves him off, and suddenly her expression changes to one of concern, though it's not directed at him. "I need to tell you something."

"Yeah?" He takes a bite of the apple in his hands, and Dick has to admit that it's a thousand times better than what he had attempted to eat before.

"It's about Y/N."

At the sound of your name Dick almost chokes, but he masks it with a cough, placing the apple on the counter. "What about her?"

Rachel eyes him cautiously, elbows resting on the marble countertop. "Gar and I saw her the other day, at the grocery store, and—" she pauses, frowning at Dick in a way he can't describe. It's something between pity and blame. "You really did a number on her, didn't you?"

Dick stays silent. He knows what he did to you, how he broke your heart. It haunts him every day.

"Aren't you going to ask how she is? Don't you care?" There are tears in Rachel's eyes, and for the first time in since Dick broke it off with you, he remembers how close the two of you had been. Rachel loved you, always stealing you away from him to talk 'girl stuff' in her room or to ask for advice. He'd been so stuck in his own self-pity to remember that.

"I care, Rachel, I do." He finds it hard to look at the girl, her face a reminder of every person he's let down. He wants to ask how you are, but he's afraid of the answer. Rachel tells him anyway.

"You broke her, you know that, right? She loved you so much."

Dick can only nod, her words breaking him down like a chisel to stone.

"I know, Rachel."

She stands, unable to contain her emotions, and stares him down, disappointment in her eyes. Rachel lowers her voice, the sound of heartbreak itself. "She wanted to marry you, Dick. She loved you that much."

That's his breaking point, words that Dick already knew deep down, solidified in the air between him and Rachel Roth. He turns away, pushing down the lump in his throat at the thought of you, walking down the aisle to him. It was something you'd planned together but never gone through with. Five years of love left to rot in the form of half-made wedding plans and late-night conversations.

"She still loves you Dick, and I know you love her too. You can fix this, but you've gotta do it soon." He listens as Rachel's footsteps recede down the hall, leaving him with tears he knows are about to fall.

Dick's hands rest atop the steering wheel, his eyes on the road with you beside him in the passenger seat. You look beautiful, and your smile is wider than usual when he turns to spare a glance at you.

"They looked so happy, didn't they?" You look at him as you say it, locking your eyes with his before he is forced to turn back to the road. By they, you mean the two friends of yours you just witnessed getting married, vows, flowers, and wedding cake enveloping your mind.

"I've never been a fan of weddings, but I think I'd like to get married one day." You sound so dreamy, so in love with the concept at that moment, and Dick lets a laugh escape into the air of the car.

"Nice subtle hint you dropped there."

He sees your head turn back to him in his peripheral, a smile wide on his lips that he can't seem to remove.

"That makes it sound like you're not interested in marrying me. Am I not wife material, Dick Grayson?" You've got a hand over your heart in mock offense as you say it and Dick drums his fingers against the steering wheel, preparing himself for what he's about to say.

"Don't worry baby, I have every intention of marrying you," He dares to risk another look in your direction, greeted by the wide smile on your lips, "if you're up for it of course."

He watches your nose scrunch up, your smile widening before you place a hand on his cheek, nudging him back to face the road. "You can't marry me if we die in a car crash, Grayson, eyes on the prize, baby."

Dick raises an eyebrow, smirk on his lips "You are my prize."

You laugh at that, resting your head on the seatbelt. Dick doesn't know how you find it comfortable, but you act as though it is. "Mrs. Grayson," You mumble, the words making Dick's stomach turn in excitement. "It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

His cheeks hurt, aching with the overload of elation Dick feels. He reaches over to you, placing his hand in yours, the other on the wheel. "I like the way that sounds," He mutters, "can you say it again?"

After that conversation, everything was different in a good way. Dick knew where he stood with you, and he knew how much he really wanted everything to work out. The fact you wanted him the same was what made everything perfect, even if the two of you weren't. You were two flawed people who somehow made each other whole, and with each memory that Dick turned over in his head, the reason he had ruined that grew fainter. He blamed it on his loving you too much, but perhaps the problem lay in Dick's fear that you might leave him when you promised to stay.

Right now, he's in the middle of a staring contest with his phone as it sits innocently on the coffee table. He wants to grab it, strangle it in his hand, and call you for one last shot. He wants to ask for your forgiveness. He wants to kiss your lips again and never let you go. He can't let you go. It's impossible to love someone as much as he loves you and not have them stick to you like glue.

The last time he called you, you didn't answer. He thought you'd moved on, quicker than he ever thought you could, but what Rachel so bittersweetly informed him of contradicts everything he thought he knew. There's a chance that you still want him, that you're still willing to be his person, and that's a chance he's willing to take.

He picks up the phone and slips it into his pocket, praying that he hasn't ruined the only thing he really needs as he heads for the elevator. It's risky, and by the time he's made it to his car, his hands are shaking. He can't reach over the centre console and hold your hand in his this time. He ruined that. And he has to fix it alone.

Dick Grayson can't breathe. He's trying to make sense of the situation before him, you standing in the doorway of your apartment, whilst Dick is in the hall mouth agape. He watches your eyes widen, the initial shock of seeing him settling upon you before you slam the door in his face.

That snaps him out of whatever trace he was stuck in, and he knocks one once more, calling out. "Y/N, please open the door."

He hears you shuffling around on the other side of the door, the faint sound of a sob hitting him with the force of a tidal wave. It rips down his defences, scratching at his skin until he's banging on the door again. He's desperate to get to you if it's the last thing he does.

"Y/N, come on baby, let me in."

"Why should I?" You shout back, voice breaking in the process. Dick ceases his movements, forehead resting against the door in defeat. He wanted this to happen differently. He wanted everything between you to end differently. He didn't want it to end at all.

"We need to talk, Y/N please, I'm begging you, open the door."

His heart tears open with every word, hands rested on firmly on the wood before him, until finally, the doorknob turns.

The door is left open by about an inch, an invitation for Dick to let himself in. He does so with relief, but when he steps inside, you've placed yourself halfway across the living room, a clear indication that even though he's allowed in, you still need space. Your arms are folded around yourself like some kind of protective barrier between you and him.

"I'm sorry." The words are pathetic and not nearly enough to excuse all he's done. "I'm so sorry."

You're staring him down, unblinking as if you're afraid doing so will make your tears fall faster. Dick hates himself, and pure burning disgust for his own being runs through his veins when you speak.

"Why? Why did you do it?"

Dick wants to be sick right there on your carpeted floor, but he stays strong for you. He'll try to for as long as he can.

"I didn't want what I do to put you in danger." He stands straighter, pushing back the lump in his throat, trying to keep what it means at bay. "I didn't want to see you get hurt because of me."

You let out a shallow laugh, casting your eyes across the ground. The whole situation seems so dark, lonely, and broken, and Dick supposes that represents both of you perfectly.

"Are you hearing yourself, Dick?" You look up at him, and it's impossible for Dick to interpret the emotion behind your eyes. There's too much of it to see through. "You did the one thing that could actually hurt me."

He can't think of anything to say to that. Dick wants to say sorry again, but it won't do any good. He knows that now. He stares at you with sorrow and disbelief, unable to form a single word. He came here to tell you he still loves you, but he doesn't know if you'll want to hear it.

"I thought you wanted me. I thought we had it all planned out." You swallow harshly, collecting yourself and Dick watches the tears roll down your cheeks, watches the way they are highlighted by the light reflecting off of them. He did that to you.

"I still want you, I do." Dick wants to move forward, but he knows it's not a good choice to make. "I want to go through with everything, all the plans we made. I want to marry you." It's abruptly spoken, and his voice shakes. His own tears prick against his eyes, and he pushes them back as best he can.

"If you wanted me, why'd you leave?" Your voice inches up in volume, and your arms fold around your body tighter, protecting yourself from the man who swore to protect you.

There's nothing Dick can say but the truth. He can't hide behind half of it, say only what he wants to believe, not anymore.

"I was scared you'd leave me first, okay? I was afraid I'd lose you to something I couldn't control, and I let that fear control me."

His tears forge a path down his cheeks, hot against his skin, his voice raising itself considerably, another thing he can't stop. "I didn't want to pull out a ring, and have you say no."

"I would've said yes. You know that." You're shaking your head in disbelief, taking small steps in his direction. "You know more than anything just how much I love you. I would've said yes."

You still sound angry with him, but your voice is softer, and with each second Dick finds it harder to breathe. He remembers everything so clearly, the five years he spent loving you that he threw away in one night.

"I didn't want to lose you, and I felt like it was going to happen, so I thought why not sooner rather than later?" His eyes burn, and he sucks in another breath to hold against his chest. "I regret everything I said to you that night. I fucked up, but I still fucking love you."

"I love you too." You're still miles from him, halfway across the room, and Dick wants to reach for you and make things right.

"It can't go back to the way it was, Dick." Your words cut deep, pulling at his heart like someone to a harp’s strings. "You have to earn it."

He takes in your words, breathing in his punishment. He's willing to do whatever it takes to get back to the place he was with you before. "Just give me one chance, Y/N, I won't fuck it up this time. I promise."

Your eyes scan over him as if accessing a threat and Dick hates that you see him that way now. "One chance."

And just like that relief floods his veins, his body loosening as you make your way to him, steps slow with caution. Once close enough, Dick reaches out, at peace when you move into his arms. With eyes shut tightly, he presses a kiss to your hair, tears still forcing themselves from his eyes in silence. "I'm so sorry." His words are muffled, and you stay quiet, but somehow that's enough.

AN: I literally hate this ending.

GENERAL TAGLIST: @heliads @candywh0r3 @caplanreads @hiya-its-amber @s00buwu

TITANS TAGLIST:

DICK GRAYSON TAGLIST:

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vidavalor · 5 months

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hi again! rewatched the 1st season now. so first off thanks again for the excuse i appreciate it lol. but secondly hoping you wouldn't mind explaining the satan's obssession with crowley thing? cos he's obvs creepy as all hell pun not intended in the 11 years ago scene but i haven't found the bit that confirms it's a fixation on crowley and not just satan being satan. tysm!

Hi! Thanks for the ask. I can try and we can see what you think after, yeah? :) Christmas cookie? *passes plate and pours some tea*

TWs: discussion of PTSD, sexual assault, including rape, intimate partner abuse, anxiety, depression. We're looking at Crowley as an assault survivor here so it's a bit dark. Lindsay's abuse of Nina is also mentioned here. This will wind up having a companion meta at some point soon as I was also asked in comments on another post to talk about Crowley and intimacy issues which is then really also talking about Aziraphale as a trauma-informed partner so a less intense Part 2 at some point soon...

If you're the anon who asked me this (or anybody else) and you can't read something with these warnings but you'd like to see what I'm saying, PM me or throw something in my Asks and I'll see if I can do a version of this that gets the points across while omitting the darker aspects.

Meta on Lucifer and Crowley under the cut.

The Ask here was about why I see Lucifer as fixating on Crowley, in particular, and not just being generally evil as, ya know, he's Satan. It's a fair question since Satan's evil isn't exactly something that anyone would consider restrained as he's the devil. Some of this is inference here when it comes to Lucifer, since the show intentionally holds the character back a bit... but I also think that holding Lucifer back is by design to help illustrate some things that we'll look at here.

The first clue to me that Lucifer has a bit of a fixation on Crowley comes from Crowley's gigs in Hell. Before the end of S1, Crowley was high-ranked in Hell. He seems to go by quite a few names in his demonic world. By making himself Nanny Astoreth when he's looking after Warlock, it alludes the idea that Crowley is also the demon of that name, who is considered part of the "evil trinity" of Hell, along with Lucifer and Beezlebub, with whom Crowley used to spend time with pre-Fall and with whom he has history.

Astoreth is a genderbent serpent goddess in lore with an abundance of other Crowley traits so safe to say that Crowley is meant to be Astoreth as well. Aziraphale proposed in 33 AD that Crowley is also Mephistopheles and Asmodeus, which Crowley didn't exactly deny. Mephistopheles is one of the most famous demons to ever exist-- he of the Faustian bargain-- and Asmodeus is the demonic prince of lust. Crowley's already been shown to be a Bible figure in disguise-- Bildad the Shuite being a Biblical character-- so the idea that we are at the 2/3rds mark of the show and we've met all the high-ranking demons in Hell but several famous ones appear to not exist in Good Omens, despite more minor ones (Shax, Furfur) making appearances, implies that we probably actually have met demons like Mephistopheles and Asmodeus because they're all really Crowley.

Crowley retained power in Hell because it allows him what little freedom he can have in damnation. It means he likely won't be removed from Earth if he proves he's "good" at being a demon and that means he won't get stuffed in some cluttered, dark, cubicle in Hell for millennia. (Or destroyed.) More importantly, it means he'll be able to be on Earth with Aziraphale. That's easily worth taking credit for a bunch of human wars to fool Hell into thinking he's evil.

While we see that Crowley, when forced to come up with a demonic plot of his own, picks more annoying things than evil things and sells them as evil-- the M-25 design, taking down mobile phone networks, he's sometimes forced into doing things he doesn't want to do in order to not be outed as a demon who isn't super jazzed about being a demon and is really, secretly, a free-flying crow. He doesn't live to serve their Master Satan like some of the other demons do. He's going along with Hell as best he can and sometimes, he finds himself in a situation where he has to get creative because he's been tasked with something he disagrees with-- like we saw in the Job minisode. Other times, he might be forced into something he can't find a way out of, which is implied a little to be at the root of his terrible mood when he and Aziraphale meet up in Ancient Rome. He's wearing military garb that implies the temptations he's saying he's in Rome to accomplish are tied to Caligula, who wasn't exactly a swell guy.

What's interesting, though, is that Crowley is in this position of power in the first place. Other demons are shown in both seasons so far to be jealous of Crowley. He gets all the good gigs. Satan makes a bet with God that has both Upstairs and Downstairs in a tizzy for weeks and who is sent to whack the kids? Crowley. Who was sent on the first ever really Earth mission-- to get up into the Garden of Eden and "make some trouble"? Crowley, long before he'd cemented his big reputation. Who gets to deliver the antichrist baby and so kick off Armageddon, the thing that angels and demons basically "live" for? Crowley...

Across both seasons so far, Hastur, Ligur and Furfur are all given scenes of showing that they're jealous of Crowley being a favorite of Satan's and given the best assignments while they slum it in middle-management at best. What Crowley never says or admits to with other demons is that they actually don't want to be the favorite of Lucifer over here because he's the actual fucking devil and it's an absolute horror show. Crowley isn't about to admit that to them because he's supposed to want nothing more than to be Satan's slave and to express anything else is not demonic.

The other demons who are antagonistic towards Crowley are invasive and creepy but they stop short long before what we've seen Lucifer do. Hastur and Ligur pop up unannounced in Crowley's electronics-- the tv in his flat, on the screen at the movies-- and that's already disturbing. Imagine having your evil coworkers able to interrupt your r&r tv time in your own apartment... let alone the fact that Shax and even Beezlebub both pop up into The Bentley unannounced in S2. There's no evidence so far that Satan is out here "delivering instructions" like this to others in Hell the way he does to Crowley in 1.01 (and there's actually a scene in S2 that we'll talk about that suggests that he's not or, at least, that it's uncommon, which we'll get to in a second.)

He might well be but when you combine assaulting Crowley with giving him all the prime gigs in Hell and the other demons' jealousy of their Master's attention towards Crowley, you wind up with the impression that Satan is a bit fixated on Crowley.

The Bentley scene with Lucifer in 1.01 is analogous to rape. Crowley's sense of personal autonomy is violated. He doesn't consent to Lucifer forcibly entering his body. Lucifer does so by first penetrating through Crowley's two foremost metaphorical defenses-- The Bentley (enters through the radio and uses it to invade Crowley) and his sunglasses, which cannot shield his eyes/himself from Lucifer. Crowley already has these signature defenses mechanisms on in the attack scene and the horror in the scene is actually watching neither of them protect him. The scene is so early in the show that it's only the second scene we've ever seen Crowley wearing his glasses (and it's pitch black dark out, to add to it) so the glasses are basically introduced to us by showing us a situation that motivates Crowley's desire to hide his eyes from people he doesn't trust, even if they aren't human and know what his eyes look like. This is Crowley's third scene in the series itself and it's really arguably the second half of his second scene (the Hastur & Ligur in the graveyard one.) It's part of our introduction to Crowley in the modern era, with only Eden preceding it. Armageddon is new but the rest of this hell-- faking being evil, suffering violating attacks-- is thousands of years old for him at this point.

Crowley is driving when this happens.

Driving is the ultimate symbol of self-control because you're literally behind the wheel, navigating yourself through the world, in control of where you are going and the decisions you need to make to get you there, trusting yourself to make decisions that protect others on the road around you. Lucifer rips that from him by rendering him unable to drive while "delivering instructions" to his mind. Crowley-- a very powerful, magical being-- is unable to fight him off. When Lucifer leaves his body, Crowley had to grab the wheel and steer The Bentley away from hitting an oncoming truck with about three seconds to spare from a head-on collision. Crowley, The Bentley and the antichrist baby all would have likely survived that crash without issue because of their magic-- but the human driving the truck likely would not have. Obviously, Crowley would prefer not to kill anybody but Satan nearly made him against his will and rendered him unable to fight him, the powerlessness of which is then interesting when tied into things like Crowley essentially drugging himself to save Elspeth, trusting the present Aziraphale to help protect him while he did, etc..

As the attack happens, parts of "Bohemian Rhapsody" are underscoring it, picking up on a musical cue from when Crowley rolled up in The Bentley to see Hastur and Ligur in the graveyard. The graveyard scene sees Crowley arrive at the big crescendo of the song and what is it but the lyrics Beezlebub, has the devil put aside for me? and, prior to that, the eerie lyrics, especially on rewatch when you know what happens as a result of this scene: we will not let you go (let him go) x a million, not to mention the no no no no no no... bit.

By the time we're back in The Bentley and Lucifer has shown up, parts of the song play through it. I see a little silhouetto of a man plays as Crowley is literally seeing the driver of the oncoming truck in front of him, just as he loses the ability to control The Bentley. When Lucifer leaves him and Crowley grabs the wheel, we hear thunderbolts and lightning/very, very frightening/me and the Galileo segment of the song. Thunderbolts and lightning is interesting since God makes it a point to point out that this night is not dark and stormy but then that type of weather is what Crowley does in S2 that causes the power to go out and his parallel, Nina, to be trapped. It's also what demons in general can do so you could say sending a storm-- like in the Job minisode-- to be demonic and of Satan. (If it's not Crowley doing it to play Cupid, anyway.) The thunderbolts and lightning of Satan/Hell is very, very frightening to Crowley...

...Me/Galileo/Galileo/Galileo/Figaro... Galileo is arguably the most famous astronomer to ever live. He was a polymath, really, like Crowley was. Crowley, as an angel, made the stars and invented gravity. The scene with Hastur and Ligur that precedes this and ties into it has Hastur mistranslate the Italian Crowley spoke during it. Crowley said "ciao", meaning "goodbye", which Hastur correctly said was Italian but he claimed it meant "food" (mistaking it for "chow" because he's an idiot.) So a scene that ends with Crowley speaking Italian then connects directly into the scene of this attack, where Italian is spoken in the song scoring it, as Galileo was Italian and figaro in Italian is "fig tree".

While Eve does eat an apple in Good Omens, the Biblical 'fruits of knowledge' that tie to the Serpent tempting Eve in Eden are interpreted in different ways throughout different religions and at different periods in history. In Good Omens, Crowley got Eve to eat an apple and the pleasure of food opened a door to sexual pleasure. Eve shared the apple with Adam and they were *Aziraphale's hilariously judgemental voice* "expecting already" with Eve about 8 months pregnant later a day later because Eve's biology is atypical of other humans and all that. It's debated as an apple, with other different fruits and sometimes even wheat mentioned as possible things Eve ate-- if she ate food at all, as some people take the entire thing as a sexual metaphor. Figs are one fruit that some people believe it was instead of an apple, so this is a reference to Crowley as the Serpent of Eden.

Me/Galileo/Galileo/Galileo/Figaro... Crowley holding onto himself while under attack and just after it, which speaks to activation of a plan, which speaks to this not being the first time he's endured something like this. Galileo and Figaro = The Starmaker and the Serpent of Eden. The things he's done that he is proud of, that make him not evil, in his mind, and not deserving of this. Things he likes about himself. Things Aziraphale loves about him.

The song is narrating for us Crowley through the attack as he's basically frozen there enduring it, seeing the driver of the truck coming at him and Scaramouche/Scaramouche/Will you do The Fandango?

A scaramouche is a kind of mischievous scamp-- so, Crowley; The Fandango is a Spanish couple dance. Historically, one version of it is done between a pair of men who try to outdo one another with skill, in a kind of homoerotic competition. It's also slang for fucking during a concert and I have the feeling that Crowley would probably enjoying doing that Fandango a lot more as that would be consenting with a partner of his choice at a live concert rather than being mind-raped to Queen by the devil in his car. Regardless, it's another allusion to sex in the scene, adding to the rape overtones.

There's also something that is pretty horrifying about the fact that these scenes of Crowley and Aziraphale being separately reintroduced to us in 2008 after we first met them both together in Eden are intercut so that Lucifer's attack on Crowley scored by "Bohemian Rhapsody" ends with the Italian sung and cuts directly into Aziraphale speaking Japanese to the chef at the sushi restaurant.

He'll try to explain to Gabriel that eating sushi is "what humans do", which is the same phrase he'll use to try to explain to Michael and Uriel in S2 what falling in love is. During the bookshop attack, Shax will bully Aziraphale about his humanity-- about the same two things (food and love) in the two previous, connected scenes. (Gabriel, initially the one repulsed by tea in 1.01, leaves the scene after Aziraphale tells him to hide by asking if anyone wants a hot chocolate, in a pretty hilarious turnabout.) Shax calls back to the food-related and the love-related "it's what humans do" moments for Aziraphale by asking if she should "send up the sushi" and by mocking his relationship with Crowley ("What are you? Crowley's emotional support angel?"). Crowley and Aziraphale are the ones in love and it's tied together throughout multiple scenes in both seasons to sushi, in reference to the night Armageddon began in 2008.

The point then is that, making this all even worse, Crowley is actually supposed to be at a back corner table in a dark sushi restaurant sneaking a date with Aziraphale when he's attacked by Lucifer in The Bentley-- and then forced into helping start Armageddon, which could bring about the end of his and Aziraphale's relationship... and that's our grim introduction to his world in the modern part of the story.

As we go learn what Aziraphale is like in the modern era and contrast him with his head office's mentality via Gabriel's arrival, we also are given clues in the scene that suggest that Aziraphale was actually expecting Crowley, as he looks to the side Crowley comes up on when he hears the miracle sound that actually signals Gabriel's arrival instead. Aziraphale will then explain that he's there, doing "what humans do" and enjoying it, to Gabriel, and it will be only eating sushi in this moment, just as Crowley will not be present when Aziraphale explains that falling in love is "what humans do" while objectively talking about Maggie & Nina but, ultimately, talking about himself and Crowley beneath it-- his real motivation for keeping Heaven off their backs is Crowley. The writers then have Shax combine the two "it's what humans do" scenes around love and sushi and throw them back at Aziraphale while Crowley is once again not with him because of Heaven/Hell but is present in his absence in the moment.

All of this happens in the first scenes of Crowley in the modern era, all the way back in the first episode, and it's done to give us an understanding that he is a survivor of attacks like this and how that impacts his behavior, his choices, his relationship with Aziraphale. It's to give us a finer appreciation for his strength and his humor and his capacity to love in the face of it. It's to show that while some of the demons are just kind of amusing idiots, if dangerous, and that there's a lot of humor to mine there, some aspects of being a demon are not at all amusing. Crowley is really just doing the best he can to survive the absolute horror show that is an eternity of damnation as Satan's favorite over here because there are very dark, very violent aspects of it that he cannot permanently avoid.

While the attack we are shown is a mercifully short, if horrifying, scene, the implications of it are even worse. The assault we are shown had a plot purpose in that moment-- Satan giving instructions on delivering the antichrist baby to the satanic nunnery-- and since everything was in motion, that was the extent of it. Armageddon took precedence. What we are left with, though, is the impression that this type of demonic assault with its massive rape overtones is something that Crowley's experienced before and that the implication is that Lucifer attacking him is not always just to deliver a message related to an assignment but to deliver one of forcible control over him and that this is something that Crowley has been dealing with periodically for the 6,000 years he's been on Earth. It's akin to a kind of rape in 1.01 and that is already way more than enough to see how that would affect Crowley in the story... but then S2 takes this scene and both alludes to it in a key moment and gives it a whole paralleling subplot, highlighting its importance and continuing to expand upon the meaning of it. Both things together then suggest that while we saw a rape-coded assault in 1.01, the feeling that the scene was alluding to other instances where it was rape itself was definitely the implication of it.

In S2, in the group scene at the end, Crowley is out of the bookshop taking Maggie and Nina away from the angels for their safety when the subject of Satan comes up for the only direct time that season. Shax demands that Gabriel and Beezlebub be taken to Hell to be given "as gifts for Satan, our Master" and Head of the Dark Council Dagon replies that "he wouldn't want them-- maybe as hors d'ouerves." On the show obsessed with food symbolism and that codes different types of food with relation to sex-- in particular, because of Serpent of Eden Crowley-- and with the brothel owner named "Mrs. Sandwich", to say someone would want a being as a "hors d'ouerves" implies sex and if we're talking about Lucifer, then we've already established that consent isn't exactly a priority. Rape isn't about sex-- it's about power-- but the show is coding Lucifer's behavior in line with its coding of sex to highlight that his violation of Crowley isn't just of the heavily rape-coded variety that we saw in 1.01 but has actually, at other times, been rape.

Dagon's most significant line in S2 is essentially to point out that Satan's a rapist-- but it's also to point out that not everyone in Hell has been through that horror. Satan's choosy. Satan's a bit fixated. Dagon's comment is actually surprising. Your first thought when Shax suggests giving Gabriel and Beez to Lucifer is that he's the devil so they'd be in danger and what you've seen of what he's done to Crowley was skin-crawling and you don't want that to happen to Gabriel and Beezlebub. You assume that it might because we're talking about Satan but then Dagon puts a check on that and says-- to not a single bit of even implied disagreement in the room-- that Satan wouldn't really care that much about getting Gabriel and Beez.

Think about how truly kind of crazy that is.

Satan would not be that interested in being handed over his old friend and the Grand Duke of Hell who betrayed him and the Supreme Archangel of Heaven? He'd maybe rape 'em, sure, possibly, casually posits Dagon, but they aren't what he's really after. They'd just be hors d'ouerves.

Not a single being in the room even so much as signals disagreement with that assessment that the not terribly subtle Dagon chose to voice aloud, which means they all agree with her. They all know who Lucifer's fixated on.

*Gabriel* and *Beezlebub* would only be fucking *appetizers* to Satan.

That implies the existence of *a main course*, does it not?

Who else but Crowley (and Aziraphale) could be on that menu? No one.

We also have that Crowley is conveniently out of the bookshop for the moment that Shax and Dagon have this exchange about Lucifer. He comes back in on Dagon saying "hors d'ouerves" but was outside when Shax was referencing Satan so he didn't hear any of it. This seems very deliberate on the part of the writers, as if Crowley had been in the room, it would have prompted some kind of response and changed what happened in the scene afterwards. Instead, the only reference to Lucifer is specifically when Crowley isn't in the room, probably because this conflict is on-going and going to continue into S3.

Prior to Dagon's line, the show also paralleled Lucifer assaulting Crowley in The Bentley in 1.01 with Lindsay abusing Nina, which adds another layer into this. You could even make an argument that one of the reasons why we never see Lindsay and we just see their abuse of Nina via the text messages they send Nina is to draw an intentional parallel to how little we've seen to date of Lucifer/Satan in the series.

It directly ties to the 1.01 scene in The Bentley because, prior to Lucifer coming through the radio and assaulting Crowley, Crowley was trying to call Aziraphale (the Maggie to his Nina in this parallel, though obviously much further along in that relationship) to tell him about Armageddon but he'd taken out the mobile phone networks earlier in the night to have something demonic to share with Hastur and Ligur. This parallels Crowley knocking out the power in S2 accidentally and Nina getting locked in the coffee shop with Maggie. Lucifer and Lindsay both attack through electronic communication devices-- The Bentley's radio and Nina's phone-- and unleash a torrent of abuse. The difference is that Nina might be more easily able to escape Lindsay and live a more peaceful life after S2 while Crowley has yet to be truly able to evade Lucifer.

While Lindsay's abuse of Nina is at least psychological and emotional in what we are shown and Lucifer's abuse of Crowley is that with physical and sexual aspects that may or may not be present in Nina's relationship with Lindsay, the type of abuse doesn't matter to the parallel as it's all terrible and that's the point. Lucifer's abuse of Crowley is paralleled with the intimate partner abuse Nina is suffering in her relationship. This is objectively pretty interesting since it sort of suggests that Lucifer is Crowley's Lindsay, in the sense that they might have once been involved pre-Fall, which might add another element to why Lucifer is fixated on Crowley.

So, while Crowley can encourage his parallel Nina all he wants to take a risk and trust more and to trust him when he promises that it will be worth it, Crowley himself can't really extract himself from his own Lindsay-ish situation yet. He does know how to survive it, though, and it's not all about the defenses he and Nina put up-- it's about learning to shed some of those defenses enough to have a sense of intimacy with a kind person you can trust to love you and help you feel safe.

#ineffable husbands #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #good omens 2 #good omens meta #aziracrow

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mimisempai · 3 months

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LITTLE SEEDS OF HAPPINESS - Chap 1/4

Chapter 1 : Budding

Summary

Ever since the new flower shop opened on Whickber Street, a few steps from his bookshop, Aziraphale can't help but be intrigued, even fascinated, by the beautiful florist, unaware that said florist feels the same way about the bookseller.

The two watch each other from afar, without really getting close, when Muriel, co-owner and Crowley's adopted sibling, decides to intervene.

Notes

First AU of Good Omens, this story is composed of four chapters and is the beginning of a series that I hope you'll like, because we're in it for the long haul...

On Ao3

Rating T - 2966 words

Chap 1 - Chap 2 - Chap 3 - Chap 4

"Thank you Maggie! I'm going to enjoy listening to this record as soon as I get home!"

Maggie shook her head and replied quietly, "Mr. Fell, you don't have to thank me, knowing what you do for me...about my rent."

"But that's just it, it's completely selfish on my part, because if you weren't here, who would give me all these hours of pleasure for my ears? Speaking of which, I'll get started as soon as possible. Have a nice day!"

Maggie watched as the bookseller walked out the door with his ever-so-slightly bouncing step, heading toward his bookshop further down the street.

As for Aziraphale, he could hardly wait to be in the comfort of his bookshop, with a steaming cup of tea in one hand, an Eccles cake in the other, and the soft tones of his latest acquisition ringing in his ears.

He quickened his pace slightly at this perspective when a voice sounded behind him.

"Mr. Fell, good morning!"

Recognizing it, he turned, a fake friendly smile on his lips.

Aziraphale replied with a friendliness he was far from feeling for the intruder, "Good morning, Mr. Brown."

"I just wanted to remind you of our next meeting of the street shopkeepers, to be held next week at Justine's."

Although deeply annoyed at the prospect of yet another boring meeting, Aziraphale replied with a smile, "I'll be there, of course. Thanks for reminding me."

He didn't have time to finish his sentence before the annoying redhead had already turned and was walking towards the French restaurant whose outdoor tables Justine was preparing for the next service. The Frenchwoman caught Aziraphale's eye and greeted him with a small wave, which Aziraphale returned with a much warmer, more sincere smile than the one he had for Mr. Brown.

The bookseller resumed his walk towards his bookshop when his gaze was caught by some movement to the right.

Although he would deny it if asked, he slowed his pace a little to take the time to watch the florist, Mr. Crowley, take out the plants and prepare the front for the opening of his flower shop, Little Seeds of Happiness.

He was joined by his assistant, named Muriel, according to some gossip Aziraphale had gathered. Then, seeing him, Muriel waved hello, smiling broadly as always, before tapping the florist on the shoulder to get his attention and pointing at Aziraphale. The florist stood up and, seeing Aziraphale, nodded in his direction, a slight smile on his lips, his eternal sunglasses on his nose.

Aziraphale responded with the same nod, a smile on his lips as well, and continued on his way.

After a few steps, Aziraphale couldn't help but take one last look in the direction of the flower shop.

The florist now had his back to him, but Aziraphale could not look away from the flaming hair that seemed to attract the sunlight.

That was what had caught his eye, the day the man had moved in above what was now the flower shop.

Not the old car, not the rock music blasting from the windows as he parked, no. Just the red hair, the color of which was all the more remarkable since its owner wore black. Even his florist's apron was black, Aziraphale noted, smiling amusedly.

However, despite this dark attire, there was a certain light about the man, and Aziraphale couldn't deny that he was intrigued. A lot, if he was honest with himself.

It had been two months since the florist had arrived in the neighborhood, and he had quickly assimilated, which didn't surprise Aziraphale because they formed a small, colorful, and most of all, welcoming community.

Suddenly, Aziraphale realized that the florist, as a shopkeeper, would also be attending the shopkeepers' meeting, and the prospect of a reunion became much more appealing. Perhaps it would be an opportunity for him to get to know the newcomer better.

"Mommyyy! Where's my mommy!"

Suddenly jolted from his thoughts, Aziraphale looked around for the source of the crying until he saw a little girl standing outside the door of his bookshop. He approached at a brisk pace, and when he was close to her, knelt down before asking her gently, "Hey, little one. Did you lose your mommy?"

The little girl sniffled and told him between sobs that her mommy had been talking to someone and that she had let go of her mommy's hand to look at the magic shop window, but that she didn't know where her mommy was now.

As she finished telling her story, she began to cry loudly in front of a distraught Aziraphale. He thought quickly. The magic shop wasn't far from his shop, and the mother wouldn't let her daughter go far away. But there was nothing he could do until the little girl calmed down.

Aziraphale said softly, "Hey... what's your name, sweetie?"

She sniffed and replied, "Julia."

"Okay, Julia, we'll look for your mommy, we'll find her, and you'll magically forget all about this, okay?"

"Magic doesn't exist."

" Oh, do you really believe that? But look..."

Aziraphale dug deep into his jacket pocket and pulled out a shiny coin, waving it in front of the little girl before closing his hands and opening them again, empty.

"Tada... it's gone!"

Then he brought one of his hands to the little girl's ear and exclaimed, "Oh!!! Look, there it is!"

The little girl giggled a little before exclaiming, "Mommy!!!"

Aziraphale turned to see a woman approach with a look of relief on her face as she stretched out her arms and said, "Julia, my baby! I've been looking all over for you."

Aziraphale stood up and turned to face the woman who was now holding her little girl.

"Mommy, that man with the weird bow tie, he said he would help me find you, and here you are!"

The woman nodded and said to Aziraphale, "Thank you for taking care of my daughter. I was caught up in a conversation and didn't see her leave so fast."

Aziraphale shook his head and replied gently, "I was there at the right time. All's well that ends well."

"Thank you," the woman turned to her daughter and said, "Did you thank the nice man?"

Julia shook her head and asked, "Can I give him a kiss?"

"If it's okay with him, yes."

Aziraphale complacently leaned over and offered his cheek to the little girl, who planted a slightly wet kiss on it before whispering in his ear, "You're right, magic does exist, because you made my mommy come back."

Aziraphale laughed softly, and then, after a final exchange of greetings, mother and daughter left under his benevolent gaze, the little girl waving again just before they disappeared around the corner.

Amused, Aziraphale entered his bookshop and, as he closed the door, was slightly disappointed to find that the florist was no longer outside. Then his eyes caught those of Nina, the coffee shop owner, who gave him a small wave, which he returned before entering his shop.

"The coin is still in your hand..."

Crowley chuckled as he watched the bookseller hold up the small gold coin to the little girl who had stopped crying.

He had been watching the scene the whole time, ready to fly to the little girl's rescue if the other man hadn't. And as he watched the reunited mother and child thank the bookseller, Crowley was no longer in the mood for mockery.

Though he had only been here a few months, this was by no means the first time he had witnessed the kindness of the light-haired man in the old-fashioned suit.

Child, elderly person, man, woman, and once even a dog had all been greeted with the same kindness, the same gentle, open attitude. True kindness was rare, and Crowley was well placed to know it, which was why he was able to recognize it when he encountered it, or in this case, witnessed it.

He had noticed earlier that the bookseller was watching him, and he could hardly take offense when he did the same. It wasn't so much his clothes or his fluffy-looking curly hair that caught Crowley's eye - though it did make him look incredibly endearing in its own way - no, what intrigued Crowley was that the man seemed completely at ease with himself. As the bookseller walked down the street, he had the demeanor of someone who knew what he was and wasn't ashamed of it. He wasn't arrogant or ostentatious, he just exuded this incredible aura of confidence. It made Crowley a little jealous, knowing he could never be like that.

The florist sighed as he pushed his sunglasses further up his nose and watched the bookseller enter his shop.

Crowley chuckled in amusement as he watched him turn over the small sign that read "Closed."

Closed at 10:00 a.m.

He didn't know how the bookseller made a living, but certainly not by selling books, for in two months he had never seen anyone leave the bookshop with a book in hand.

Another interesting fact.

"It shows..."

Crowley was startled because, lost in thought, he had not heard Muriel approach.

He turned to them and asked, one eyebrow raised, "What?"

Muriel raised their eyebrows several times suggestively and replied, clearly mocking, "It's obvious you're making eyes at him."

Crowley snapped back in annoyance, "I'm wearing sunglasses, you little idiot! How can you tell I'm making eyes at the bookseller?"

"I never said I was talking about him."

"You!"

Crowley grabbed his water spray bottle and doused his childhood friend and adopted sibling, who laughed out loud!

As always, he couldn't stay mad at them for long. They were the only one who knew him and could read him so well.

Sometimes to his great misfortune.

Since that day at the orphanage when Muriel, a newcomer, had beaten up one of the big kids despite their small stature because he had made fun of Crowley's eye color and since the same day Crowley had taken responsibility for what Muriel had done so they wouldn't be punished, a sacred bond had been formed.

Since then, they've had each other's backs in every situation.

This had allowed them to pursue their common dream.

The orphanage's old gardener had noticed Crowley's affinity for plants and taken him under his wing. He had patiently trained him, and Crowley, instead of leaving the orphanage when he came of age, had naturally taken the place of the retiring gardener.

Crowley had stayed there for years, even decades, saving for his dream and Muriel's studies. Muriel had learned all about business because they wanted Crowley to realize his dream. Their dream.

To open a flower shop.

When they were finished and Crowley had saved enough, they'd both looked for the perfect shop, and after a few months of searching, he'd turned in his resignation to the orphanage board and opened Little Seeds of Happiness on Whickber Street with Muriel.

And for the first time in his life, at over 40, Crowley felt like he was at home.

"Stop thinking about him."

Once again Muriel snapped him out of his thoughts and before he could protest they added, "We have a customer, it's time to be professional."

Their smile belied the seriousness of their words and they went to greet the customer in question, who was none other than Justine, the owner of the French restaurant.

She had been a regular customer since the restaurant opened, and to Crowley's surprise, she had offered him a contract to do the floral arrangements on the tables and in the restaurant if she was satisfied with his work.

He accepted and the Frenchwoman had been so pleased with his work after the first set of arrangements that she told him he could use his imagination for the next set.

Since then, she'd only come to see him to let him know when she had a special theme in mind.

He greeted her as she approached the counter, "Bonjour Justine. What can I do for you?"

She looked unusually sheepish as she replied, "Good morning, Crowley. Actually, I'm planning an international week for the restaurant next week, with specialties from a different country each day, and that would mean exceptionally new arrangements each day, tailored to the country in question."

Crowley scratched his chin as he pondered, and after a few seconds replied, "That sounds perfectly acceptable to me, but..."

"Yes?"

"You do what you want, since you're the one paying, of course, but what are you going to do with the arrangements every day, other than throw them away?"

The thought of flowers going to waste horrified him.

"Oh, no, no, I won't throw them away. We'll have little quizzes during the evening, and each customer who wins gets to take an arrangement home."

Crowley, thrilled that his creations could be considered as prizes to be won, replied enthusiastically, "It's a deal!"

Justine pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket, handed it to him, and explained, "Here's the list of countries.

Then she thanked him and left the shop.

Crowley scanned the list and frowned.

"What's wrong?" asked Muriel.

"Well, I'm thinking of making arrangements with the national flowers of each country, but I realize I don't know much about them, except that the lily is the flower of Italy and the bear's breech is the flower of Greece. I'll have to do some research until next week."

Muriel replied with a half-smile, "How fortunate that there's a bookshop only a few yards from here."

"What?"

"Crowley, I know you perfectly know what I mean, right? You have a chance to get to know him better. Take it. Combine business with pleasure."

"But..."

Muriel shook their head and pushed him towards the shop's door, barely giving him a chance to remove his apron, and a few moments later he was standing outside the bookshop door, Justine's list in his hand.

He saw that the sign had been turned back to "Open" and the description of the whimsical opening hours made him chuckle. He'd heard about it, but to see it in black and white was something else.

He opened the door gently and his eyes immediately fell on the bookseller who was hunched over a book with his back to him.

He said to Crowley without turning around, "One moment, please, I'll be right with you."

Crowley, not offended, let his gaze wander around him. His first impression was that the bookshop matched perfectly the impression given by its owner.

Old-fashioned, cozy and warm.

Then his eyes were drawn to the bookseller as he turned, and Crowley saw a flash of surprise cross his face, which still maintained its welcoming smile.

"Oh, good morning Mr..."

Crowley replied, stepping up to him and holding out his hand, "Crowley."

Aziraphale took the outstretched hand and answered, "Welcome Mr. Crowley."

Crowley smiled and replied, "Just Crowley."

The bookseller repeated in a slightly embarrassed manner, "All right, then, welcome Crowley, call me Aziraphale. What brings you to my shop?"

Crowley explained his problem while showing him the list of countries and concluded, "So I was wondering if you had any books on the subject. I'd look on the net, but you can never be 100% sure of the information you find there, so I'd like a more... shall we say... academic source."

He watched with amusement as his interlocutor's eyes lit up before the bookseller walked away and said, "I think I've got just what you need, just wait a minute."

Crowley, very much amused, watched as Aziraphale disappeared behind one of the bookshelves and heard him talking to himself amidst the various rustlings.

"Not here..."

"Not that one, no."

"Flowers and their language... not that one either."

"Haha! Found it!"

Crowley heard hurried footsteps and jumped as Aziraphale appeared from another side, brandishing a book that looked to be several years, if not decades, old.

"Here it is, Alan Mc Pherson's To Every Flower Its Own Country. I seem to recall it has all the countries you need."

Crowley took the book and asked, "How much do I owe you?"

Aziraphale shook his head vehemently, "It's not for sale. It's a first edition from my personal collection."

Crowley, observing, saw in the bookseller's expression that he was as attached to this book as he must have been to everything in the bookstore, and was all the more touched that he would agree to lend him one of these precious items.

He kindly replied, "I promise to take good care of it. I'll get to work right away to make it as short as possible. Thank you very much."

Aziraphale shook his head, " No need to hurry, take as long as you need."

Crowley thought he should find something to thank the bookseller for when he returned the book. A plant, perhaps, since the store seemed to be devoid of them.

The bookseller followed him to the front door and after saying goodbye, Crowley didn't dare turn around until he reached his own shop. As he stepped through the door, he finally surrendered and turned to see Aziraphale still standing in the doorway of the bookshop. Crowley couldn't resist and waved.

The bookseller replied immediately before hurrying back into his shop.

Crowley entered the flower shop and, with the precious book borrowed from Aziraphale and Justine's list in hand, sat down at his desk to get started.

But, as concentrated as he was, he couldn't help but interrupt himself from time to time to look out the window at the bookshop, and every time he resumed his work, he had a smile on his face.

Maybe Muriel had been right to push him to cross the street.

_________

Next chapter : Crowley will return the book to Aziraphale and, giving in to an impulse is about to invite the bookseller to dinner, but an impromptu guest from Aziraphale's past may well jeopardize the flower shop owner plans.

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story 🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

Chap 1 - Chap 2 - Chap 3 - Chap 4

#good omens #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #ineffable boyfriends #aziraphale #crowley #good omens fanfiction #aziraphale x crowley #crowley x aziraphale #human au #alternate universe #flower shop

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