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#i can't be the only adult here anymore
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Having a serious George Michael moment at two am.
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okay weird q incoming but what ways do you think speedsters can get sick? Like to my understanding, they can’t really come down with normal virus’ like the flu, right? But they could get things like chronic migraines?
NANOBOTS!!! This is one of the best pieces of canon lore ever. I did a whole post on it but TLDR: normal human metabolisms have so much shit going on that they don't even notice nanobots in their body BUT speedsters have hyper accelerated metabolisms that are the equivalent of the straight A's overachiever in school on meth. So speedster metabolisms do notice nanobots and they attack full force, triggering all of the body's defenses and responses.
But the nanobots are metal so it obviously doesn't do anything. It just leaves the speedster lethargic, feverish, vomiting, dizzy, with a headache, sore muscles and a runny nose, ect. It's basically an allergic reaction.
Now, poisoning them can work depending on what the poison is/what the dosage is. You would need a 100% fatal poison and you would need a fairly high dose. Because speedsters heal fast and they have a hyper accelerated metabolism, so any poison that is based on toxicity (alcohol poisoning for example) would be out of their system faster than it could even take effect.
But poisons that can't be cleared out/processed by the body (take cyanide for example, it binds with the chemical receptors in your body making it physically impossible to use oxygen) wouldn't really be affected by their metabolism at all. So while the speedsters could heal the damaged tissues from these poisons fairly quickly (making it seem as though they were only slightly affected) they would ultimately need time to do so, time they would not have if it kills them first. This isn't technically what you are asking because there would be no substance that 'makes them sick', there would only be 'fine', 'not fine for like a minute and then fine again' and 'dead'. (... unless they were hooked up to a steady supply of the toxin)
Likewise, (this is getting more into theoretical territory, less canon) there might be some illnesses that would affect them? Not for long but if you got something super fucking fatal like Rabies, it might make them display mild cold symptoms for a day or something.
I don't know though. They have really fucking good immune systems. And even super fatal diseases can be fought. Take my example of Rabies, while it is commonly thought to be 100% fatal once symptoms show up there actually have been cases of people surviving it. Rabies is a very stealthy and fast disease, so the main problem with treating it is that your body's immune system isn't fast enough to stop it. People have survived by being placed in medically induced comas (slowing their bodily functions and thus the disease) for long enough that the medication can eradicate it. So for a speedster? That's gone in a minute tops. You would need an insane disease that I'm not sure even exists.
There's also like... pregnancy and menstruation. Growing pains, muscle pain from running is a BIG ONE, being dehydrated/starvation, blood loss, ect. Lots of ways to fuck with a speedster in a way they can't immediately fix.
There are also speedster specific ailments. It's basically 50/50 if a natural born speedster gets a weird highly fatal aging disease. Sometimes speedsters can be born without a kinetic energy shield which makes using their powers at all incredibly fatal to them. All speedsters will have connectivity issues at some point that can be fatal. Sometimes Time Gets Bad™ (shout out to when Barry kept chronically stealing time from people/things every time he used his powers). Sometimes they have too much energy and can't maintain human form (shout out to when Wally didn't know what the speedforce was and was accidentally cosplaying Ghost Rider). Velocity 9 is a highly addictive drug that works on speedsters and makes them display typical addiction behavior (and withdrawal). V9 can also cause a speedster to 'overdose' (burst into flames/lightning/energy). They all have the constant urge to yeet themselves into the speedforce. Ect.
#here's the thing: they are made of speedforce but its not a skin deep thing. you feel me? like their CELLS are made of speedforce#so all shit still affects them#i keep saying that they don't need oxygen or food to survive and thats true but its only if they're actively compensating with speedforce#cause they can get energy from the speedforce or they can get energy from oxygen and food or both. they can't do neither#and they don't really *know* or understand that theyd be fine with JUST speedforce energy. they still think they need oxygen and food#so if they were suffocating or something they might instinctively crank up the speedforce to compensate but they're also very stupid#so they might just die. idk it really depends on who it is how much they know and how much SF they're drawing on#cause like... energy beings need energy yo#i hope this makes sense#the muscle pain one is interesting cause Wallys early runs are really big on the whole hitting the wall thing#he would hit a wall that he physically couldn't break through and it caused him a lot of pain.#some of that was not being hooked up properly cause Wally wasn't hooked up properly until he was an ADULT#because he is FUCKING INSANE and he just went 'huh i guess this is my limit and i will stay below it' liKE AN INSANE PERSON#anyway some of it was SF issues and some of it was mental but he actually got really really hurt anytime he got close to the wall#REALLY bad muscle pain. and like... it was potentially extremely fatal. 'breaking down your body into little bits' fatal#he doesn't get that anymore because hes properly hooked up now but jfc that man treated 'entering the death zone' like it was#the high score to beat at his local arcade. he took it as a fucking challenge. absolutely insane dude right there
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epicfirestormer · 1 year
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Me: I'm fine
Also me: Six getting his memory erased in "Six Minus Six" and Rex trying to make him remember is meant to parallel just how terrifying it must've been for Six and Holiday when Rex would sometime lose his memories before canon started. We know from what Tuck told Rex that he had lost his memories so many times, he would keep a notebook on him to make sure he would remember. How many times had this happen, for it to be a habit. How many memories did Rex lose when he was in Providence. How much of his own life does Rex actually remember during those years. Did Rex and Six bonded and got close before Rex inevitably blacks out and forgets everything again. How absolutely horrifying is it for Rex, a child in everything but title, to wake up with no idea who he is at a goddamn government facility and treated nothing more than a weapon. How heartbreaking had it been for Holiday, a mother figure who treats Rex like a child- how he should be treated- to see him not recall anything about her. How absolutely soul-crushing had it be for Six, who had taught this kid to survive and how to stay strong, to see that same kid act in fear. Did Providence did something similar to what Rex did, keeping a log of everything about him so he could know right away. How awful is that. How absolutely batshit, fucking insanely immoral it is that a child have to go through. To lose memories and be conditioned about waking up a military base. But in the eyes of Providence, he isn't a child. He's a weapon, an asset at best, and a monster at worst.
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aberooski · 1 month
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If I take a second to breathe and think and 3 seconds into it someone calls me over the radio to come clean something they could do themselves again I'm going to actually scream
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tillbonesshow · 11 months
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Hey everyone back on another episode of why the fuck is my mother like this?
#ok rant time#i was thinking about enjoying a movie since i haven't in a long time and she was sleeping#i turned off the lights and sat down to watch it but she woke up and got into the room asking why I'm in the dark multiple times in an-#-aggressive way and turned on the lights#she then started asking 'what are you hiding from me you would only be in the dark if you're hiding something'#she ruined the whole mood and my night and then fucked off to sleep again#i can't enjoy a movie or really anything anymore cause she's glued to my fucking hip#if i smile at my phone she asks what I'm doing if I'm texting with my phone she asks who I'm talking to if I'm laughing she asks what I'm-#-laughing about if I'm watching something she asks what I'm watching if i woke before here she asks what i did and what i ate before she-#-woke up#stop just fucking stop i don't want to see your stupid fucking face anymore shut up get away from me I'm a fucking adult leave me alone#I'd be happy with her being annoying if she wasn't a terrible fucking human but she is i fucking hate this so much just shut up shut up#i fucking hate this house so much i want to burn it down with me in it#why the hell do i have to live with her constantly annoying me venting to me taking out her anger on me but my siblings can have their own-#-lives outside of this#this isn't fucking fair i never fucking asked for this any of this why why the hell is it always me that has to suffer#why the fuck is it me that got bullied and hit by my eldest brother for years but then i got threatened to be kicked out of the house by my-#-mother i was a fucking child why the fuck do she always side with anyone else that isn't me then has the fucking nerve to demand i treat-#-her like a friend she will fucking never be my friend i won't forget what she did and what she does she will never be my fucking friend
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girlscience · 10 months
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Two days with family and I feel so weirdly infantilized. I pay for nothing, I never drive, I make no decisions, I can't curse, and I can't listen to 90% of my music. It is literally like I am 14 again. I don't like it.
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charlietheepicwriter7 · 6 months
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Despite Danny's best efforts, no matter how much time past, Amity Park refused to see Phantom as a hero.
Sure, there were pockets of support, particularly among teens, but most of the town blames Phantom for the property damage, saying if he didn't fight the ghosts then it wouldn't be so bad, to that time he got mind controlled by Freakshow and "attacked" the mayor. It wears him down. It wears Tucker and Sam down. Jazz can only try to support them all.
Then one day, a member of the Justice League visits. Someone minor, and kinda a jerk... maybe a Wonder Twin? Zan? Whatever. They don't investigate; they don't look deeper. They listen to the town folks and declare the ghost hunters, Red Huntress and the Fentons, to be the official heroes of the town.
Worse? Danny Phantom is officially considered a villain to the Justice League. Tuck hacks into the Watchtower and confirms that they have a file (a heavily inaccurate file) about how to defeat Phantom.
Danny doesn't think he can do this anymore.
A few weeks later, a young villain escapes into Amity and demands (begs) that Danny help them escape from the hero after them. No idea who, I can't find a lot of info on teen villains in DC, so let's fudge some ages and make it Kyd Wyckyd from the Teen Titans cartoon. Danny agrees, because to hell with the Justice Losers, and they defeat the hero, becoming friends in the process. Kyd confesses that they became a villain after being ostracized bc of how they look, and they've been trying to avoid villain organizations because HIVE was abusive, but it's really hard to be a villain alone bc of all the heroes.
Sam gets an idea. Tucker agrees with the idea. Jazz is just happy they'll end up making friends.
The next day, the Teen Villain Alliance is formed, ready to assist with any teenage illegal shenanigans their allies might get into.
Some notes:
It's created to be a healthier option for teen "villains" to connect with others and support each other.
It's more important that this is for Teens rather than Villains. They're tired of adult villains taking advantage of them. The TVA would rather ally with a teen vigilante than with an adult villain.
Again, no idea who the teen villains are, but Klarion is definitely here. He leaves the Light for the chaos of the TVA. Maybe Ember is there too?
Timeline wise, this is around when Tim is still Robin, but Damien has arrived at Wayne Manor.
This is because, when it comes time to try to infiltrate the TVA, they'll have a convenient child-assassin who has none of the monitors of a teen hero that Phantom immediately picks up on.
Damien, who at this point has been abandoned by his mother, dismissed and scolded by his father, and has had no success at carving his own place in the family, jumps at the chance. He is then surrounded by peers who don't insult him or try to change his behavior (too much; jazz is trying to help him find healthier methods of expressing himself). He... might not want to continue being a spy.
Danny, Sam, Tuck, and Jazz are the founding members.
Danny reinvents himself as the High Prince of the Infinite, Prince Phantom Dark. He got kingship from fighting Pariah Dark, but since he's still alive, he's only a prince. He steals the last name Dark as an intimidation tatic against those in the know; only Danny would have the balls to claim family with Pariah.
Sam works as a powerless villain, but she might no be powerless? Either way, Danny gives her a bunch of repurposed Fenton tech, and she buys the rest with her parents credit card. She does NOT care if that's traced back to the Mansons. She would choose something goth, maybe something spider related or even bat?
I love Pharaoh Tucker, so I think he should get magic powers? Since pharaohs of old were considered the balance between the real and the divine. He's still a tech guy, now he's a tech and magic guy.
Jazz isn't really a villain, more of a team mom who's planning on using everyone's psyche's as her thesis paper. You know what, that's her callsign, she's Psyche. Sometimes she flirts with Nightwing.
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madesofgold · 1 year
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#i don't normally post stuff like that here but i need a place where i can just vent within it being seen by those people#anyway ok i just wish my friends were my friends more alsksjdj#i see ppl with their best friends how they talk about them what they do together and it just makes me sad#bc i want to have someone like that to do stuff and be silly with and talk and just hang out and i miss my best friend#bc we don't do that anymore#we've barely seen each other last year and when we do it's always just briefly and we never get to talk about deeper themes#some things i'm desperate to talk to her about and we've always done that but now she never has time for me#it feels like I've been replaced by her gf and they're doing everything together and i guess that's what you do you abandon your friends#no I'm not bitter or jealous. at least I'm trying not to be#she also has other friends a different group from uni that I've never met and i see she's having fun with them#and i don't have any of that and I really want to have a group of friends i just can't seem to find any#and we also barely even text anymore. sometimes i reach out and then it can take over a day for her to answer and it just feels shitty#ik she has her reasons and she's not doing it bc she doesn't want to talk or doesn't like me lol but it sucks that we can't even text#and i can't help but wonder if she does that to other people or if she's texting her gf right away and ughhhh#she feels so distant but i don't want that. i don't want us to be like that#i only have two real good friends that I've known forever and my other friend also sucks at reaching out and has her bf and friends#who i know but i'm also not really a part of that group. so basically i never see my friends and i feel fucking lonely woohoo nothing new#i want to have friends who reach out and just casually text me and i can tell them about my day and i see them at least once a week#and we can just hang out and have fun and god i sound so pathetic i don't even have that#somehow i missed the call where everyone started having their group of adult friends and a romantic partner and I'm still stuck#everyone just kind of has their own lives and I'm not a part of it#it just hit me again today i literally had a dream i met a bunch of people and we were having fun and it reminded me of how lonely i am lol#*without it being seen wow great typo in the first sentence that i can't change now#anyway i wish there were songs about this particular situation that i could listen to and be emo but i can't find any rip
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🧁🍥STOP BEING LAZY AND PATHETIC🧁🍥
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This post is my notes of Thewizardliz video on how to stop being lazy and pathetic. This account will be my digital notebook where I will write notes from Liz and Tam Kaur's videos ( LOL ) .
🧁WHO ARE LAZY PEOPLE ?
Lazy people are the forgotten ones. People that don't want to do anything with their lives, they will always end up on a sideline.
🍥REALIZE THAT NO ONE CARES IF YOU ARE LAZY
Everybody has problems. No one cares about your victim mindset and about how life was hard/ unfair for you. Life is unfair to everyone . Life goes on. Everyone is busy with their own lives. We got to get moving !
🧁YOU AREN'T LAZY , YOU ARE PRIVILEGED
People that need to survive have no option to be lazy . People that are walking up the stairs and they can barely breathe , they have no option anymore than to lose that weight. People that are so vulnerable and their bodies cannot handle of them being so underweight have no option but to lose weight. People that have to go to work otherwise there is no food on the table. They have no option to be lazy. If you have the option to be lazy, you are privileged.
🍥THE HALO EFFECT
The halo effect is when we see a beautiful person , we will think that they are less likely to do something bad because we associate someone beautiful with being a good person. Its the same way with successful person. If we see a successful person in any field , we will assume that they are successful in all their aspects of life. Suppose if a person have a successful business , we will automatically think that they are successful in their relationships and everywhere. If you are lazy , you can't benefit from the halo effect . It takes effort to be beautiful and to maintain beauty. We only see these successes , we don't see the progress. Most people are privileged and have it all but most people come from 0 and create it for themselves. It takes discipline.
🧁FOCUS ON YOUR LIFE FORCE : HEALTH , DIET AND RELATIONSHIPS
When you feel that you are lazy , focus on your life force . What is your life force ? Health and diet. Focus on moving your body and eat foods that don't spike your insulin and eat food that nourish your body. When you feel lazy or don't feel good , don't isolate yourself. Connect with your family and friends. Also focus on your relationship with yourself. What are you engaging your mind in ? Be connected to your own energy. Journal. Sometimes God or your guides are speaking to you but because your mind is constantly racing , you can't listen to them.
🍥CREATE ROUTINES AND STICK TO THEM
Humans need routines. You need a structurised routine. Sometimes we can't stick to routines but we need a base so we have something to go back to. I would like to add something here , I am reading a book by Brianna Wiest , it's called 101 essays that will change the way you think. There was line in the book . " As children, routine gives us a feeling of safety. As adults , it gives us a feeling of purpose ."
🧁CLEAN SPACE IS SELF RESPECT
Clean space is a clean mind. Not even cleaning after yourself is a sign of huge disrespect to yourself. Stop reading this and clean your room right now !!!!!
🍥THERE IS REASON WHY YOU MADE THAT COMMITMENT TO YOURSELF
Remember the reason . Remind yourself, " Why did I even start ? " " Why did I even want this goal ?" . If you don't want the goal anymore then do something else.
🧁THINK ABOUT WHAT STORY ARE YOU TELLING YOURSELF
If you are telling yourself that you are a lazy person , you will act like one. Your mom didn't carry you for 9 months just for you to say that you are lazy. Get a hold of yourself. Don't complain about how you don't have your dream life if you are lazy.
🍥REALISE YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR REALITY ANY SECOND
You can change your realities really fast if you start acting like the person you want to become.
🧁HEAL THE PAST AND MOVE ON
Go to therapy and heal from the past. You can change your story around . If you are a victim of trauma or abuse , don't just go around and tell people because they lose respect for you .
🍥YOUR BODY RESPONDS TO YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS
If you are constantly living in the past , reliving it , your body will make you ill. If you want a different outcome and different future, you have to do things differently. People around you don't need to change, you have the power to control that. You have the responsibility to heal yourself. What others did to you , it is on them . They will get their karma.
🧁ARE YOU LAZY OR DID YOU STOP PROGRESSING ?
People become happy when they start progressing. We constantly need that drive or something to strive for. Create a new project . Find a new hobby. Learn a new skill. Do something that you haven't tried before or pick something you used to love.
🍥TOO MUCH INFORMATION MAKES US LAZY
There is so much information on the internet to the point we don't know what to do. There are so many videos on the best diet , skincare or workout , we get consumed in other people's opinions and lives. We start filling their lives with our energy. ( Just a suggestion; you can search workout or skincare recommendations but at the end you should choose a diet or skincare or workout which suits you , not others )
🧁ARE YOU TOO CONSUMED IN OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES ?
If you wonder to yourself : Why do I not have any energy left for myself ? Because you are too consumed in other people's lives so you aren't living your own.
🍥FEELINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS RIGHT
Feelings are just feelings. If we all just react to go out of emotions we would all unalive each other.
🧁ALLOW YOUR FEELINGS TO PURGE AND YOUR BODY TO HEAL.
Feelings purge by you feeling them. Release your emotions , don't suppress them . If you suppress those Feelings, they will get stored in your body and might show up later as physical illness. Sleeping is also healing. Let your body heal. Once that's done , get up and do something . Don't dwell there for too long.
🍥WHAT DO YOU FEEL VS WHAT DO YOU WANT ?
If you feel like eating unhealthy food but then you want your dream body. It doesn't correlate. You need to have discipline.
🧁COURAGE IS BEING VULNERABLE
Go outside and try to meet new people. Do something which you wouldn't normally do .
🍥LEARN TO ASK FOR HELP.
Learn to accept help. Sometimes God send people to help you. Ask help from God and you will receive help in miraculous ways.
🧁BE PRODUCTIVE ON YOUR OWN TERMS.
What does productivity look like for you ? What are your goals? Create that productivity mindset and visions. What works for others may not work for you.
🍥ARE THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU DRAINING YOUR ENERGY ?
If you have toxic people around you , you are constantly around them , you are going to feel bad. Distance yourself. No one can make you feel upset, you have the control over how you feel.
🧁CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE ON SITUATIONS.
Most people are projecting their insecurities. Instead of feeling angry, have compassion for them. Similiarily , if you are going through a break up instead of thinking that they were the last person on earth. Think that your souls were meant to cross and then meant to separate. You learnt your lesson and they learn their lesson.Change your perspective on things .
🍥FOCUS ON THE THINGS YOU CAN DO
Think about three things you can do . What is your passion ? What makes you happy ? Who makes you happy ? Be grateful for these things. Realise that you can do alot and remind yourself of what you can actually do.
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runabout-river · 7 months
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The Incongruence of his Life and Death - How the 6-Eyes will Die and Gojo Satoru will Live
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Chapter 236 seems perfectly crafted for a farewell to an important character. But while reading it for the first, second and third time, I couldn't help but feel that something was not only missing but purposefully left out: Gojo's care for his students and the goals he had set for himself as an adult.
In the departure for the afterlife, where the souls of his dead friends have gathered at an airport, Gojo is back to being a teenager with everyone else also being their younger self, or in the case of Haibara and Toji, their selves when they died.
Gojo talks about his fight with Sukuna, how unbelievably strong he was and how much he had trained to best him but still he lost and he had no true regrets on that. The fight had been fun even if it was a shame that he couldn't bring Sukuna to go all out on him.
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Later he tells Yaga, calling him principal, that he thought that all sorcerers died with regret, implying that he doesn't feel any regret right now after having lost to Sukuna. When Sukuna tells Gojo that he won't forget him as long as he lives because of how well he fought, we see Gojo smiling at that while lying bisected on the ground.
This entire scene, especially at the airport and the reverence about the fight is completely at odds with Gojo's character growth and the life he lived as an adult.
It's no coincidence that everyone is more than 10 years younger here because only teenage Gojo would go out without any regrets after a good fight he lost. This Gojo we see at the airport could've very well been the Gojo that lost his first fight against Toji.
But it isn't teenage Gojo, someone who only had a perverse self-satisfaction about Jujutsu and did it for the kick of it instead of protecting others with it, who died.
It's adult Gojo, who dedicated his life to protect others and his students and who fostered them to become as strong as him and did everything so they could grow unhindered and enjoy life especially their youth, who is lying cut in two on the ground.
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This love for fighting alone only entered Gojo's mind past the middle of the Shinjuku Showdown when he realized that he might lose this fight and after he was reminded of fucking Toji again. Gojo was brought back to the time of his teenage self when he lost against an opponent who was stronger than him.
But what about the actual Gojo? Teacher Gojo? Would he die without any regrets? Absolutely not. His regrets would actually be too much to count.
He left his students and the world with a murderer stronger than him, ensuring widespread destruction and immense death, first and foremost of everyone he left behind that meant something to him.
Gojo let it happen that Megumi, the person he went into this fight to save, who was the child that started his evolution into a teacher, the son of the man who made him to what he is today; Gojo let it happen that Megumi became his executioner.
(And is Geto without regrets? Is Gojo without any regrets that Kenjaku is desecrating his friend's body to destroy Japan? Isn't there any fear that Kenjaku might take Gojo's dead body as his next vessel? Where is the regret in that?)
When we strip the airport scene from its serenity and the good feelings of a happy ending it evokes, we're left with nothing but pure arrogance the dead have over the suffering of the living. So they get to enjoy peace while everyone else is devastated and about to get slaughtered?
Is that justifiable because everyone will be dead anyway and then they can all enjoy the afterlife together? Except Megumi of course, who'll be Sukuna's vessel for centuries if not millennia and who'll suffer in hell for that long after having killed not only his sister but his teacher and his friends in the future, too.
Those who are already dead like Nanami, they can't do anything about this conundrum anymore but Gojo was still smiling on the ground. So, after the thematic argument for why Gojo has to survive, here comes the practical part: How?
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I've already covered parts of this in my chapter 236 Thoughts. Step by step:
Gojo is bisected along his abdomen, not his head
Gojo was still conscious enough to smile at Sukuna, like how Yuki was still able to make her last attack
Gojo can activate his RCT and he can make a Binding Vow as long as he isn't completely dead
We've not seen Shoko's reaction to his defeat, so we have neither a confirmation of his death nor her determination to save him
Utahime and Gramps can strengthen any healing
Angel might have abilities to aid them and Takaba has reality bending powers as long as he's funny
Why the 6-Eyes will still die.
Because it's already over for him. The 6-Eyes is not the strongest sorcerer on earth. His ultimate defense has found its match in Sukuna evolving his own technique; an evolution that Gojo is not going to catch up to.
"Are you Gojo Satoru because you're the Strongest or are you the Strongest because you're Gojo Satoru?"
Irrelevant. Sukuna is the Strongest. That title and that burden has been lifted off Gojo's shoulders. Gojo makes peace with it at the airport.
A Binding Vow with yourself always comes with a balance the universe imposes on you. What would the trade-off be for Gojo's upper and lower body to be connected again? His Eyes seems like a good bargain here.
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So there you have it, my theory. The 6-Eyes lost this fight but Gojo sensei can still lead and foster his students to new heights he won't ever personally reach again. He can't just forget about them because he had a good fight, Gojo isn't a self-centred teenager anymore.
You know who was missing at the airport? Outside of Nobara, Yuki and Mai? Tsumiki. What is Gojo going to say to her? That he tried but well? Gojo isn't at the airport for his departure to the afterlife, he isn't going North, he's going South.
All of this is of course my personal feelings and interpretation. Gege might go in another direction like permanent death and flashbacks. But I'm so sure that Gege has written the airport intentionally like this. That Shoko will go to Gojo and pull him out of his death bed because he can't go out like this.
Chapter 236 is written with a sense of finality and farewell, but Gege is also really fond of misdirections and false sense of security (dread?) as we've seen just last chapter.
So, hope dies last.
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permanentswaps · 2 months
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Fit Into His Soul
Since childhood, Bill possessed the unique ability to manipulate souls at will. He first found out in the 4th grade when he accidentally found himself in his teacher’s body. At first, he only used his power discretely, shifting his own soul into the minds of friends and even bullies for a couple minutes while staying silent. However, as the years passed, Bill's concern waned, and he began swapping souls more regularly.
As an adult, Bill shared his power with some new friends: Tom, Mike, and Frank. Initially, they would swap with or possess one another, but over time they eventually got bored with each other’s aging bodies. That’s when Bill had the idea of taking turns having his friends possess his son, Ezra. As a fitness influencer, Ezra was the perfect opportunity to let these men re-experience their youth in one of the hottest bodies possible.
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With the plan in motion, Bill informed Tom, Mike, and Frank that each of them would have a day inside Ezra's body. Tom and Mike had already indulged in relatively mundane activities, such as hanging out with friends, reliving youthful experiences, and partying at clubs. Now, it was Frank's turn.
As Frank lay in his bed, a sense of anticipation filled the air. Bill prepared to extract Frank's soul, leaving his body in a dormant state for the next day of possession.
"Bill," Frank hesitated, carefully choosing his words, "Are you sure Ezra's okay with this?"
Bill chuckled dismissively. "Why wouldn't he be? And anyway, it's not like he really gets a choice."
Frank remained unconvinced, a hint of uncertainty lingering in his expression. Yet, his eagerness to relive youth overshadowed any reservations. "I'll pull you out at midnight. Until then, enjoy yourself," Bill assured, just before Frank felt his soul detach and soar towards the other side of town.
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As Frank woke up in an unfamiliar room on the other side of town, he looks around. The soft morning light filters through the curtains, revealing a room meticulously decorated with framed sports and movie posters. He looked down at his hands, wrinkle free, but with pronounced calluses formed around his grip. A smirk plays on his lips as he runs his fingers over the now firm biceps.
"I could get used to this," Frank thinks to himself, reveling in the newfound strength that courses through his rejuvenated body.
"Don't get too comfortable," a voice echoes in Frank's mind, surprising him. The voice is distinctly young, and it takes a moment for Frank to realize it's Ezra's consciousness communicating with him.
"Ezra? You're awake?" Frank replies, a hint of disbelief in his voice.
Ezra's consciousness chuckles, a distant presence within the confines of his own mind. "I'm here, but I can't really do anything about it. My body is yours for the day I guess."
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Frank furrows his brow, absorbing the surreal nature of the situation. "I really thought you’d be dormant in here"
Ezra's voice carries a resigned tone. "Nah, but I’m used to this. My dad used to take over whenever he thought I was being annoying, or if he wanted to relive his college days, which was often."
Frank is taken aback by this revelation, realizing the extent to which Bill had used his son's body as a vessel for his whims. "And you're okay with it?" Frank inquires, a mixture of concern and disbelief in his tone.
Ezra's consciousness sighs, "I don't have much of a choice. Although I must admit, lending my body to strangers isn’t the best."
Frank rises from the bed and begins to explore the room. He's drawn to a full-length mirror, where he takes a moment to admire his reflection, appreciating the youthful features that stare back at him.
“Well, I’m not really a stranger anymore, am I? Name’s Frank,” he says, continuing to stare at his reflection.
---
Deciding to fully embrace the experience, Frank decides to follow the familiar routine that the others had taken during their time in Ezra's body. He heads to the gym, eager to see what this younger, fitter body is capable of.
The atmosphere in the gym is charged with energy as Frank lifts weights, feeling the strength and vitality coursing through the well-toned muscles. As he works out, Frank can't help but appreciate the youthfulness of his borrowed body. Every move, every flex, feels invigorating.
Meanwhile, within the recesses of his own mind, Ezra's consciousness simmers with resentment. He watches, powerless, as his body is showcased and celebrated by others, the very essence of his being now controlled by someone else.
In the gym, people start approaching Frank, impressed by the dedication they perceive in Ezra's workout routine. "Hey, man, your form is incredible! What's your secret?" one admirer asks, while another nods in agreement, expressing admiration for Frank's apparent fitness expertise.
Frank, embracing the charisma of Ezra's social media persona, responds with a casual grin, "Consistency and dedication, my friend. It's all about the grind."
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Later, in a quieter corner of the gym, Frank takes a break and pulls out Ezra's phone. He scrolls through social media, marveling at the number of followers that come with being a fitness influencer.
"Guess being Instagram famous has its perks," Frank mutters to himself, an amused expression crossing his face.
Driven by a sudden surge of confidence, Frank moves toward the gym's mirrored wall. In a display of vanity, he flexes his newfound muscles, tracing the contours with his hands. The reflective surface captures his image, and he takes a series of pictures, each pose carefully curated for maximum impact on Instagram later.
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---
Later that evening, Frank, now totally immersed in Ezra's world, hits the local nightclub. The pulsating music and flashing lights create an electric atmosphere, and Frank's presence, enhanced by Ezra's sculpted physique, immediately draws attention. Men and women alike gravitate towards Frank, complimenting his physique and expressing admiration. Reveling in the attention, he confidently maneuvers through the dance floor.
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Suddenly, Frank locks eyes with a handsome guy and they start chatting and laughing. Ezra's voice resonates within Frank's mind. "Frank, this is Gabriel. I've been crushing on him for a long time. Don’t be weird, okay?" Ezra's words carry a hint of vulnerability and a twinge of jealousy.
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As the conversation deepens, Frank discovers that Gabriel recently went through a difficult breakup, and genuine sympathy crosses his  face.
"That sounds really tough, Gabriel. Breakups suck," Frank empathizes, momentarily allowing the true essence of Ezra's feelings to shine through.
Gabriel appreciates the genuine connection, opening up further. "Yeah, it's been hard. But I guess life goes on, right?"
Frank, however, can't resist the allure of the moment. Flirting even harder, he leans in, with a sultry voice. "Absolutely, and sometimes new beginnings are just what we need."
Gabriel chuckles biting his lip, “You’re funny Ezra, what kind of new beginnings did you have in mind.”
As they dance, Frank's confident moves and Ezra's unspoken feelings collide in a complex dance of emotions. The nightclub's vibrant lights cast shadows on their faces, accentuating the intensity of the moment.
Ezra's voice echoes with a sense of desperation, "Frank, please, don't take advantage of this. I never thought Gabriel would be interested, and now you're complicating everything."
Frank, caught up in the whirlwind of the night, responds with a wry smile, "Ezra, my man, you worry too much. Let's enjoy the night and worry about the consequences later."
With a shared, unspoken understanding, they lean in closer until their lips meet in a passionate kiss.
Breaking away, they share a breathless gaze, the air between them heavy with unspoken implications. Gabriel, a mix of surprise and exhilaration in his eyes, speaks in a hushed tone, "Ezra, this is... unexpected, and I'm not sure I want it to end."
Frank responds with a playful yet enigmatic smile. "Who said it has to end, Gabriel? Tonight's full of surprises."
---
The pulsating beats of the club still echoed in Frank's ears as he arrived at Ezra’s apartment with Gabriel. In the dimly lit living room, Frank pins Gabriel down to the couch and continues their passionate make out. Ezra, fueled by an overwhelming jealousy and longing for Gabriel, begins to fight back against Frank's control. The shifts in Ezra’s body go unnoticed by Gabriel, who says lost admiring Ezra’s muscular body.
"Frank, I can't stand this. I want to be with Gabriel," Ezra's voice echoes in Frank's mind, a desperate plea laced with bitterness.
"Ezra, I'm just enjoying this night. Don't ruin it for me," Frank retorts, a hint of frustration seeping into his thoughts.
"I won't let you have him," Ezra says, gaining strength.
In a last-ditch effort to maintain control, Frank attempts to wrap himself in the essence of Ezra's consciousness. But to his surprise, this only fuels Ezra's strength, making him more resolute in reclaiming what is rightfully his.
With a distinct "pop," Ezra regains control. A triumphant grin crosses his face as he looks into Gabriel's eyes and pulls him in closer for another kiss.
However, not a minute later, the clock strikes midnight, Bill’s deadline for the possession.
In an instant, Ezra is violently ripped out of his body, leaving Frank alone in his borrowed vessel. Confusion washed over Frank’s face, prompting a concerned “What’s wrong” from Gabriel.
“It’s nothing” replied Frank, smiling before eagerly diving back in.
---
The next morning, Ezra and Frank awoke to find themselves in each other's bodies on opposite sides of town. Frank, still in Ezra's body, stretched with a sense of excitement, admiring his sculpted arm, which was draped across Gabriel’s chest.
Meanwhile, Ezra, waking up in Frank's body, found himself in a state of panic. He gazed at his own reflection in horror, grappling with the realization that he was trapped in a body that wasn't his own.
Ezra rushed to his dad’s house to unravel the perplexing situation. Knocking frantically on the door, he was met with Bill’s groggy face.
"Frank? What's going on? Why are you here so early?" Bill asked.
Ezra, still frazzled, recounted the events of the previous night. "Dad, something went wrong. I think you pulled me out instead of Frank. I woke up in his body, and he's probably running around in mine right now!"
Bill looked at him confused. "What do you mean?” he muttered, “are you saying you’re Ezra?”
Bill and Ezra made their way across town to Ezra’s apartment. Frank stood in the doorway shirtless in Ezra’s body, seeing out a properly disheveled Gabriel.
“That was a lot of fun. I’ll text you.” Frank said, slapping Gabriel’s ass as he walked out.
Meanwhile, Bill and Ezra walked up to the door.
“Hey Dad, what’s up” Frank said, flashing a brief but knowing smirk at his former body, which he could only assume was being controlled by Ezra.
"I can't believe this, Dad. Frank's probably trying to steal my body," Ezra lamented, a hint of frustration in his voice. "I knew he was up to something yesterday, he was just too into being me."
“What are you talking about?” said Frank, “I didn’t steal anyone’s body.”
Bill looked at Frank and Ezra inquisitively, saying “well, there’s only one way to tell the truth.”
Closing his eyes, Bill focused his power, drawing forth their ethereal forms. As their souls materialized, he carefully observed the energies that defined their true selves. Frank looked down at himself and saw a muscular form that looked just like Ezra’s body.
"Hmm, they look like how they're supposed to," Bill remarked, his brow furrowed in concentration as he popped them back into their bodies.
Ezra, trapped again in Frank's body, felt a surge of panic. "Dad, you have to believe me. I'm Ezra! Frank's lying!"
Unbeknownst to them all, Ezra’s fight to regain control of his body had more severe consequences than anyone could’ve imagined. You see, when Frank took on Ezra’s essence during the struggle and let go of control, he was giving up the dominant spot in his body. At that time, the dominant spot was held by Frank. Which means, Ezra and Frank not only changed the balance of the possession, but they had also accidentally swapped souls. Now, in the astral plane, Frank appeared as Ezra, and vice versa.
Frank, still in Ezra's body, seized the opportunity to further his ruse. "See, Dad? I told you, I have no idea what he’s talking about.”
The room fell silent as Bill, convinced by the visual evidence in the astral plane, turned the anguished Ezra. "I can't believe you would lie to me like this Frank. If this is how you repay my kindness for letting you borrow my power and my son, then maybe we shouldn't be friends anymore.”
Ezra felt a profound sense of betrayal and desperation. "Dad, please, I'm telling the truth. You have to believe me!"
But Bill, his trust shaken by the apparent evidence, remained resolute. "No, Frank. I need some time to process all of this. Just go.”
“And don’t come back you creep” Frank shouts after him, standing tall as he realizes these muscles are now his for good.
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ddejavvu · 8 months
Note
hotch hiring spencer to tutor his (college aged) daughter, and hes so impressed with how much theyve been studying and how hes helped her grades, until one day he walks in on one of their "study sessions," but they're not really studying at all.....
Aaron knew there'd be no better person to turn to than Dr. Spencer Reid when his daughter began struggling with her college course load. You're having trouble studying efficiently, you spend so much time at your desk scribbling down ineffective notes that you forget to eat, sleep, and take care of yourself. He's worried about you, his heart aches for his baby girl, so he asks Spencer to start coming over on Saturdays to help you.
It works great. Not only do your grades skyrocket, but your mood does too, no longer sullen from having no free time or sleep schedule. You're back to your old self, maybe even happier now, and Aaron can't hold back the smile on his face as he ascends the stairs, an array of your favorite snacks in hand.
Spencer's inhumanly obsessed with cheez-its, and your own snack of choice is held in his other hand. He thinks the least he can do to thank Spencer is feed the man, seeing as he's so skinny sometimes his snug sweater vests are loose. You swing the door shut during your study sessions, at Aaron's own request, because he couldn't hear the television downstairs over the sound of your chatter. He doesn't think to knock, he's sure the creaking of your door's old hinges will be enough of a sound to break you out of your study stupor.
"Y/N, Spencer, I brought- oh my god."
Your dad's voice nearly goes down a full octave, sending your stomach swirling. He speaks low when he's mad, and watching you scramble out of Spencer's lap and straighten your wrinkled top, you're sure he's livid.
"I- uh, Hotch," Spencer babbles, but you smack the back of his hand to get him to shut up. He runs his fingers through his hair instead, combing out the strands that you'd mussed while licking over his bottom lip.
"Dad!" You chime, "Um- I'm sorry, we- I didn't know you'd come in. We just- we were studying, but then, I- I got distracted, really, it wasn't Spencer's fault, we- I just- I-"
"Stop." Aaron shuts his eyes, snack bags now shoved carelessly onto your bedside table as your dad brings a hand to his face. You're sure this is scarier than any situation Spencer's ever faced before, including aggravated unsubs and near-shootings.
Your dad buries his face in his hand, one large enough to cover his features. It's almost scarier not seeing his stern face; you wonder if his eyes are glowing red.
"Hotch- sir, I'm so sorry." Spencer tries again, and your dad holds up his free hand to silence him. He doesn't need to be told twice, or- thrice, and he closes his mouth.
"How long have you two been doing this?" He asks, muffled by his hand in front of his face.
"Only two weeks. Or- Saturdays, only two days. Just- this time, and, uh, the last time."
"It started last week?"
"Yes." You confirm, nodding even if he can't see.
"Are you studying?"
"Yes." You promise, smoothing out a rumpled study guide and hoping he can't hear it, "Uh- this is our- well, my break."
"Fantastic." Your dad drawls, finally dragging his palm down his face and looking you dead in the eyes. It looks like it almost hurts him to do so, and you feel residual pain in your stomach, churning away again.
"I suppose there are worse people you could be doing that with." He muses carefully, "Though I wish you weren't doing it at all. But you're in college."
"I am," You nod.
"And you're an adult."
"I am."
"And I can't tell you what to do anymore."
You stay silent, not wanting to push your luck.
"Okay. There's nothing I can do," He decides, face still more stoic than when he'd entered, intent on giving you snacks. If he'd had known you'd been eating Spencer's face, he would have saved them for later.
"Don't do it here." He pleads, "At least not while I'm here. And- and while I'm here," He warns, looking at Spencer this time, "This door stays open. Understand?"
"Yes, dad." You nod, and Spencer echoes it with 'sir' as a replacement.
"Study." Aaron narrows his eyes at the both of you, pointedly jamming the door stop beneath the door until it's practically punching a hole through the wall where the knob hits, "If your grades drop again, this is over."
"Yes, dad." You call again, waiting until he storms off down the stairs to even breathe in Spencer's direction.
"Oh my god," Spencer groans, burying his face in his hands, "Oh my god, that was- that was awful."
"He didn't say no!" You point out, grinning at the blushy man beside you, "That went, like, a thousand times better than I was expecting."
"At least I don't have to hide it anymore. Do you know how hard it was for me to pretend I wasn't putting the moves on his daughter while we were in Dallas this past week?"
"I know how hard it was to pretend I wasn't tonguing his agent during dinner last night," You shrug, grinning at Spencer who looks like he's not quite ready to be relieved yet, "No more secrets for either of us, pretty boy."
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ikarakie · 10 months
Text
one thing you learn living in new york: you literally never know what's going to happen the next day. it's become a general rule of thumb to expect the unexpected, so to speak.
despite this, when the avengers get reports of iron man flying in circles over queens, growing more frantic by the second, they're confused. mainly because they're currently sat at a table with tony stark himself. and, according to his ai, the suit that's out causing mayhem is still securely stored downstairs.
they all head out to see what the hell is going on. they meet with strange on the way, who mutters something about inter-dimensional disturbances and whatnot.
spider-man gets to the scene just before them. the second iron man visibly freezes when he spots him in his red and blue glory. "mr. stark?" they hear him ask. they see as he turns and spots them, and then does a double take. "what's going on?"
"underoos!" real tony calls, nervous, at the same time as the other one spots them, and then lurches forward to all but manhandle peter behind him.
the avengers all tense, readying for a fight. fake tony raises a repulsor. "i just want the kid. i don't want to fight."
"you don't belong here." strange says, infuriatingly calm. "i don't know how you got here, but you need to go home." fake tony nods. strange adds, "you can't take him with you." which earns him a rather mean blast. luckily, he ducks out of the way.
the poor kid is whipping his head back and forth, clearly confused. tony's stomach twists unhappily. "you don't understand," fake tony hisses, "all the work it took to get here. i'm not going home without him."
"you have to." strange takes a step forward, "you can't transport him between universes. it's not viable." the lenses on peter's suit widen, and he looks at the fake tony.
"he's from another universe?" steve asks, disbelieving. strange nods, and opens his mouth to say something more, but is cut off by the other-universe tony. he removes his faceplate, revealing a tony stark that is far more haggard than anyone had ever seen before. he's thinner, his eyes are darker, pleading. he looks like a man who's lost everything.
tony looks to peter, who's still staring, wide-eyed. he can see the gears in his head moving but can't decipher why.
"you dimension hopped to kidnap the kid?" tony asks, a little unfocused. the kid was in danger, and it was all he could think about. "why?" peter turns to him, then back to tony number two. he gasps as something apparently clicks in his brain.
he steps forwards, rounds the other-universe tony and stands in front of him. he instantly lowers the repulsor. "because i'm dead." peter says, confidently.
everyone pauses. they look at the spider like he's gone insane, because he clearly isn't dead, not anymore, at least. but other-universe tony looks like he's had the wind knocked out of him. "pete-"
peter deactivates his mask. "right?" he asks. other-universe tony frantically looks over his face.
"it's my fault." he says, softly. "i'm so sorry. i'm sorry, pete. i'm-"
"come out of the suit."
other-universe tony pauses. "what?"
"come out here, please." peter asks again. other-universe tony does as he asks, stumbling out and immediately into the open and waiting arms of the baby spider. it seems to break him, the embrace; all at once he loses any trace of intimdation and anger and sobs, curling around the boy as much as he can. peter seems unphased, unlike the other heroes, and shushes him. "it's okay, mr. stark. it's not your fault," he murmurs soothingly, only reaching their ears due to the intercom on his suit. "it was never your fault. i chose this, i chose to come up there. i didn't regret it for a second."
other-universe tony heaves. "i was supposed to protect you. i failed. i failed and you're gone and you were so scared and i couldn't do anything-"
"you're wrong," peter soothes, and it's a weird image. the child comforting the adult. "if he was anything like me, then-" for a second, his eyes cut back to this-universe tony. "then he was glad you were there when he was dying. you made him feel safer. it would've been so much worse without you."
and then it all clicks for tony. this was a version of him from a world post-snap, who'd watched a kid he considered his own fade to dust in his arms. who sat in his own guilt, and shame, and loneliness. he knew the feeling all too well, and this tony had crossed dimensions to try and get his kid back in any way possible.
if it were for anyone but peter parker, this tony would've said it was a little dramatic.
he's sent home eventually, the other tony, after some more comforts and a not so subtle hint as to how they got everyone back after the snap, much to strange's dismay. later, real tony sits in the lab, watching peter from across a table, and he asks, "how'd you figure it out?"
"figure what out, mr. stark?"
"why that other me was here." peters looks up from whatever he's tinkering with. frowns.
"well, you invented time travel to get me back," he says. "why would you stop before dimension travel? it just made the most sense." tony has half a mind to argue, but one look at his lab: a midtown high hoodie draped over the back of a chair, a teenager's backpack in the corner, a seperated table with it's own organisational pattern and piles of blueprints, a report card pinned to a board, and a spiderman charm hanging from dum-e, he figures the kid is right.
"yeah, well, i love you a little too damn much then, don't i?" he doesn't think about the words before he says them. he's felt it for so long it feels like a second instinct.
luckily he gets no time to panic. because peter immediately lights up, says, "i love you too." and gets back to work.
damn kid.
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trensu · 11 months
Text
It's Will that gives him the idea.
"we don't really celebrate father's day anymore," he had said awkwardly, "but I can't hang out anyway."
"why not?" Dustin demanded. He was gonna end up bored and alone because he didn't celebrate the holiday and everyone else had plans. he had been counting on Will to keep him company.
"I'm gonna get Jonathan a new record and I want to listen to it with him," he said.
"can't he get his own records? C'mon, we could go to the arcade or something."
"no, Dustin," his tone took on a stubborn edge that made Dustin pause. "He's my brother and I love him, and he's the only guy besides Bob who's ever even tried to look out for me. So I'm sorry but I'm gonna be busy on Sunday."
Dustin didn't argue after that but it did get him thinking which is why on Sunday morning he biked all the way over to Loch Nora and started banging on Steve's door.
"what do you want, Henderson?" Steve sighed the most dramatic put upon sigh Dustin had ever heard.
"you're not my dad--"
"wow you really are genius!"
"shut up, shut up, listen to me!"
"okay, geez, I'm listening."
"you're not my dad and I don't want you to be my dad. I don't even really want a dad! Lots of dads aren't even that great and my mom already has the single parent thing down. But you taught me how to do my hair and how to talk to girls - even though that advice sucked, I didn't need it to get Suzie at all - and you're gonna teach me how to drive--"
"woah, hey, no I never said I'd do that, wh--"
"--and you've saved my life but I think we're even because I've saved your life too."
"Henderson don't you have anything better to do than harass me in my own home?" Steve said. he was using that exasperated tone he got when he knew he wasn't keeping up with what was going on but didn't want to admit it.
"actually no I don't but I'm here for a reason," he reached into his backpack and took out the gift he clumsily wrapped with scraps of brown paper bags. He shoved it into Steve's hands. "You're basically the only adult male figure in my life. And I appreciate you."
Steve squinted at the gift and then at Dustin and at the gift again before he said fussily "is this a prank? If something gross explodes from this, I swear to god, I'll--"
"Just open it, Steve!"
"Fine, fine, keep your shirt on," Steve said and tore off the paper. He blinked and in a softer tone said, "Oh."
"I don't know if you even like making models but I know you love cars and this kit looked just like yours, so yeah."
Steve stared at the kit some more. Dustin started to fidget. It was always better to be honest with your feelings but maybe this was too much for Steve. Maybe Steve didn't like him as much as Dustin did. Steve was not as enlightened about these things as Dustin.
"I've never made a model before."
Dustin hunched his shoulders and tried not to feel stupid or hurt. He should have expected this. They weren't even related. This was probably too weird. He reached out to take the gift back.
"it's fine, I can return it, whatever."
Steve raised the kit out of Dustin's reach.
"Hey, this is mine," he said.
"you don't even like it!"
"I never said that! I'm just gonna need a dweeby little nerd to help me build it. You know anybody like that?" Steve asked, batting his eyes innocently.
"you're such a dick," Dustin grumbled, fighting back a grin.
"watch your language!"
"shut up, you're not my dad."
Steve laughed as Dustin shoved his way into the house. Hours later, after much shouting and ribbing and one incident of spilled paint, a small model of the beemer was left to dry while Steve forced Dustin to watch the baseball game on TV with him. It wasn't the worst thing ever, and after Steve mentioned the statistics involved, it got way more interesting ("of course you'd like the math part, you weirdo" "you don't understand the stats do you" "shut up and watch the game, Henderson"). When the paint was dry, Dustin followed Steve upstairs and watched him carefully and deliberately place the model between a couple of sports trophies.
"yeah, I guess it looks pretty cool," Steve said with exaggerated nonchalance. "Now beat it, kid. your mom's gonna freak if you're not home when she gets back from work."
"can you give me a ride?"
"ugh, fine."
Dustin grinned. This had been, hands down, the best father's day ever. From the look on Steve's face when he placed the model, Dustin was pretty sure he agreed.
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tabithatwo · 1 year
Text
are we ready to talk about shauna's barely hidden but somehow very ignored psychosis and how it, like a ton of her other qualities, is brushed aside by both those around her and the audience? like, i think its clear that a central focus of the show is the way lottie is the only one who got stuck in a facility (and natalie in and out of rehab being the next closest to reckoning with her shit) when the rest of them are very clearly not okay. as a certified Crazy Girl, i've been weary of how they'll handle lottie's story line (blurring psychosis and the supernatural is a very delicate and tricky thing and thus far i've been sort of just waiting to see where it goes). our data on and understanding of mental health is incredibly limited for a lot of reasons (but that's a rant for another time) but there is a large mainstream misconception of when hallucinations and delusions can happen. psychosis isn't just something that happens in schizophrenia and its very complex, so if you want to learn more there's plenty of info out there i'm not going to get into it here, but it happens in a lot of other cases. psychosis is, most simply put, a loss of contact with external reality. ptsd can cause psychosis, especially auditory and visual hallucinations.
so shauna is shown to have these experiences and i didn't realize that they were being so heavily overlooked by a large amount of people until the reaction to the scene where she beats lottie nearly to death. shauna is introduced in s1 as having hallucinations of jackie 25 years later. she is shown to disassociate. in 207, she both holds the baby's body and believes the delusion that they ate the baby. the episode shows her fighting the delusion until she can't anymore. meanwhile, adult shauna tells lottie she keeps callie at arms length out of "fear that she would die...i guess? or maybe that she was never even...real to begin with." then she adds "i think something is broken, lottie." implied: she's broken. something is wrong with her. this is the is the most honest about her mental state we've ever seen shauna be.
why? because lottie has always been and likely will always be perceived as crazier. lottie is the one they pin it on, lottie is the cult leader both then and now, lottie is the scapegoat, lottie is the one who got sent to switzerland. i think there's something to be said for the effect lottie has on people (again, a whole other post) but honestly, that alone is enough. shauna is feeling vulnerable for a lot of reasons and she can tell lottie that she thinks she's crazy, that she's never quite sure her daughter exists, that she's constantly afraid she'll die to the degree that she doesn't let herself interact with her in a real, tangible way, because it's always safer to tell the crazy girl you're crazy, too.
and lottie knows. shauna knows that. lottie clocked her psychosis almost immediately, when she was in the meat shed for all hours. the other girls were shocked by the makeup, and their shock was so fucking strange to me when i watched it, but now on reflecting i'm realizing maybe its the lottie effect. like, have i done the shit shauna has? abso-fucking-lutely not lol. but does my mind work in a way where i immediately would assume shauna was doing something along the lines of the shit she was doing out there, because to me its like...what else would it be? yeah. like sees like, in a way. lottie knows what this looks like at baseline, even if its coming out way different in shauna. even if in shauna it looks like aggression and violence a lot of the time. lottie gets it.
jeff doesn't get it, he thinks strawberry lube is too wild. taissa gets it to a degree, and we see shauna be the second most open with her, but tai suppresses and hides it a degree that she wouldn't dare step foot in a therapist's office (this is yet another thing that makes me crazy but is a whole other post lol). shauna's main goal in this life she's created is pretending to be normal. and she's like, impressively bad at it. but people let her, because what else are they going to do? addressing the clear issues is taboo, because we categorize people so heavily. she masks better than lottie, but it's fucking wafer thin. you see this when she interacts with people who aren't her family or the other yjs. the way she speaks to the taylors? to adam? shauna is only sometimes masking passably when she's in her set world, where she has a routine, and is surrounded by people she only has to half-convince of her sanity.
if shauna is honest about the level of psychosis she experiences, she knows she'll end up like lottie. and i think there's an argument to be made that the people around her (which at this point in her life is pretty much just jeff because she's done another common thing and insulated herself from other people, re: the way she behaves being clockably off to others who won't overlook certain things or can't relate) understand that too. it can't be addressed, because then in their minds there must be action of some kind if it is. (taissa yelling you're acting crazy, shauna is one of the most purely terrified moments we see of her in relation to shauna, because she knows she's admitting something. jeff yelling something to the same effect after the carjacking, same thing.)
the person we see try to get shauna to open up about it is callie. her teenage daughter, who bares the brunt of her difficulty maintaining reality, (who knows that shauna has never accepted her fully as her child, and seems to actually sense that there is a deeper reason for that), asks her to open up. she tells her after the club scene that she knows something is wrong. she even mentions jackie directly. she spends all of s2 trying to relate to shauna, to get her to be open with her about everything. there's no way shauna's trauma and psychosis and general issues have gone unnoticed by callie. daughters always know. they see it in their mothers before they even have a concept of the world. so we're watching a 16 year old try to get her mom to open up, because she doesn't understand fully why that's so dangerous to shauna. to callie, it may even be a secret she thinks other people are in on that she's being left out of. i think maybe she's realizing that it isn't personal and that shauna is guarded like this in general, and we're watching that happen.
callie is learning to care for and relate to her mother and she doesn't see why shauna won't let her in, because to her it's an innate truth that she'll be by her side no matter what (if only she'd let her be). she has unconditional love for her mother and that is the scariest thing in the world to shauna, because the last person who had unconditional love for shauna died because shauna didn't know what to do with it. a baby she never got a chance to meet in reality could've replaced the love that jackie gave her, and shauna was maybe starting to look forward to that, but that ended before it began. so twice shauna has killed that figure in her life. the one who loves her wholly and for who she is, which is terrifying to shauna in it's own right (she tried to take that away from jackie in their last moments, maybe you never really knew me, because that would be easier. shauna can't handle someone really knowing her because she can't handle really knowing herself because, again, that means addressing things that go unaddressed). and she doesn't plan on killing that figure again.
(if callie's even real, because the baby wasn't real when she met him and jackie wasn't real every time she's talked to her in the last twenty-five years, so who the fuck is to say callie is real?)
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Hihi! I went on anon cause my main blog is strictly sfw, but I promise I'm an adult(29). Anyways, I had this idea of Ascended Astarion teasing Tav/Reader in front of a mirror. He can't see himself, but loves the way Tav/Reader shudders under his touch and them getting more and more embarrassed because all they can see is themselves getting riled up by seemingly nothing, but when they look down, ofc they see his hands working magic across their body.
Lol ty for the clarification and ask! I've been needing some nsfw practice!
Ascended Astarion nsfw under the cut, 18 + warnings. Like this is not implied smut. It is smut, graphic. Possessive, obsessive, manipulative, bad vampire man who loves you. As much as he's capable of. Morally gray human Tav from the start to here. It's only downhill from here baby, m/f angle. But if that doesnt fufill the dream let me know and I can make a gender neutral/ gender nonspecfic no prob! And probably less intense too because this is angsty~~~
Like I went ham, this is a whole ass fic now💀
You frowned at yourself in the bedroom mirror, adjusting your hair for the umpteenth time. It still didn't look right, despite what felt like hours of practice that you'd put into the intricate style.
You sighed as let one of your braids fall down, dissatisfied with what you saw. You didn't exactly look the part of an all-powerful vampire's consort, or at least not with the company you've recently been keeping. But it turned out a significant part of taking over Baldur's Gate was trenched in politics, meetings, balls, social events created for the sole purpose of mind games.
It was exhausting, or at least it was for you. But Astarion seemed to take to it like a duck to water. This life suited him, one of power games and subterfuge, and more often than not, murder. Not that you minded. You were just happy that he was having fun. That he was finally free after all of those years of torment. Even if he was using that freedom for… less than savory ends.
But despite his goals, you had sworn to him that you would never stray. And you intended on making good on that promise.
You just wished that he didn't insist on you being there for all of his "business". You hadn't realized how literal he had been about the whole sitting in his lap plan. It had taken a half-hour conversation to even convince him that no, you would not be doing so in the nude. He still hadn't given up on convincing you off that plan, but you highly doubted that it would help with your current level of heightened insecurity.
Maybe you were worrying for no reason. It wasn't Astarion who made you feel out of place. Well… it was, but not because of anything he did. Just… who he had become. He was so different now, so much colder to everything and everyone but you. More calculating, less forgiving, and just perfect for working with the most dangerous individuals in the mortal plane.
You seemed to be the only living thing he could relax around anymore, the only person who could soften him. It was strange really. You used to remember his softer side, before the ritual. The way his heart would hurt for children and animals alike, despite his failed attempts to hide it. His soft spot for Karlach, those who were brave and brazen, always willing to do the right thing despite the risks. The kind smile he used to have, reserved for beautiful things like the sunrise, the sunset.
Gone, all of it. It was a fact that you didn't like to think about. What you both gave up, things could have been; there was no point to it anyway. It was over. You gave Astarion the choice, this is what came of that. So here you were, obsessing over your appearance in preparation for a meeting with a high-ranking devil.
How things had changed.
You had no idea if you would ever find a way to match up with the company he kept around these days. Maybe it was your own fault for surrounding yourself with otherworldly creatures, but it was hard not to feel inadequate.
It didn't help that whenever you even slightly alluded to that insecurity, Astarion was more than ready to remind you of your… "options".
"You can join us whenever you'd like my treasure," Astarion would say with a creeping grin, "Just one bite, and we can be sure you'll be mine forever. Would that be so bad?"
It was a tempting offer, one that you kept insisting on refusing. You loved Astarion more than anything. But… you wanted that love to stay your choice. An obligation you maintained of your own free will. It's not that you didn't trust him… but to be a spawn had too many implications for you to handle.
"What has you pouting sweet thing?"
You startled when hands suddenly settled on your hip, gripping through the thin fabric of your nightdress. You looked back, relaxing the slightest bit to see Astarion smiling down at you, amused at the fact he'd managed to sneak up on you through the mirror.
"You said you weren't going to do that anymore," You whined as you leaned back into him, your eyes turning back to the mirror. You could see the fabric of your slip indented under his hands, ghost-like without his actual image reflecting back.
"I lied," Astarion said simply, leaning down to breathe you in from the crook of your neck, "Now what are you thinking about pet? I can tell something's on your mind."
You bit your lip, debating for a moment if you should tell him or not. But it's not like he would let it drop, and he was way too good at being able to tell when you were lying. Might as well come clean.
You sighed, "I don't…I don't know if I'm cut out for this."
You expected him to huff at you, maybe even laugh. But instead, the grip he had on you tightened, hard enough to make you gasp. You could feel his fangs scraping against your delicate skin, scratching hard enough to cause pinpricks of blood to bead out.
"And why would you ever think a thing like that?" Astarion asked, his voice harsh and low, "Where else would you be if not by my side hm? Please, enlighten me."
You gulped, your heart rate starting to pick up. You hadn't meant it like that, "That's not what I meant-"
"Then what else could it have meant?" Astarion shot back, his hands digging into you, surely ready to leave finger-shaped bruises. Suddenly he was using that same grip to drag you backward to the bed, effortlessly settling you between his spread legs.
All while managing to still be right in sight of the mirror. You could feel your cheeks redden as his hands started to wander, unceremoniously tugging down the straps of your nightdress to reveal your chest. That was another thing about life after the ritual that had been a surprise, just how different Astarion's sex drive was. It's not like he was a prude before, far from it, but now he was insatiable. Always ready and willing to touch you whenever the urge struck him. Often enough for you to eventually come to the thrilling, if not slightly disturbed realization, that… he was training you. Training your body to always want his touch.
And tonight was no different. You could already feel yourself getting wet, and he had barely done anything yet. But then suddenly he was pinching your nipple harshly, hissing in your ear, "I expect an answer when I ask you a question darling."
You bit back a moan, trying to remember what you were even arguing about as he started to play with your breasts, "I-I didn't mean it like that. I just… I don't want to embarrass you."
It was humiliating to admit but it was true. Not many people of Astarion's caliber insisted on a singular lover. There were so many people after him now, people with more power, more beauty, and grace. You didn't match up. You couldn't.
"Nonsense," Astarion dismissed, his hands wandering down to tear off more of your clothing, "Look at you. You were made for this life. Made for me. You're gorgeous."
The compliments mixed with the harsh feeling of his hands ripping your nightdress in two was quite the experience. You could feel his own hardness pressing into your backside, twitching as he threw your ruined clothing to the side.
Then he was gripping your chin, forcing your head back up to stare into the mirror in front of you, "I said look."
You obeyed, eyes widening at what you saw. It was so strange to see yourself like this, fully exposed with your legs spread apart, flushed and panting. It nearly gave the illusion that your very image was what was causing the wetness between your legs, instead of the invisible man toying with you.
You swallowed, your throat dry as Astarion's hands wandered lower, a feather-light touch tracing up and down your slit, "You are everything. The sole reason that I'm the man I am today. There is nowhere else you should be than right here."
"But-" You gasped, your words interrupted by a sharp slap to your inner thigh. You could see your skin start to redden in the mirror, a perfect imprint left in it's wake.
"Darling, are you questioning my judgment? What on earth made you think that was a good idea?"
You frantically shook your head, moaning when his fingers delved deeper, playing with your slick folds, "I-I'm not. I didn't- I'm sorry."
You whined as he roughly pinched your clit, his other hand moving upward to do the same to your heaving chest.
He was starting to grind his hardness against you, a tease of more to come as he murmured in your ear, "There's my good girl. Was that so hard?"
You shook your head, gasping as he finally dipped his long fingers into your cunt. You were already so sensitive, humiliatingly close in a matter of minutes.
"So gorgeous," Astarion sighed, staring straight ahead to the sole image of you, whimpering as he finger-fucked your pussy, "So needy. Can you see how wet you are pet?"
You could, you were leaking around his fingers, that needy, intense feeling getting more and more intense by the moment. It was so embarrassing seeing yourself like this, enough so that you snapped your eyes shut.
A bad idea. Astarion tutted at you, landing another sudden and hard slap to your thigh, "None of that. I told you to look. Or else."
You snapped your eyes back open, watching yourself whimper and gasp as you were played with, the harsh movement of his hand jostling your breasts. You weren't going to last much longer, not with the image of you being taken apart, the feeling of him inside you, the mean edge to your love's words.
"You're such a silly little thing, aren't you?" Astarion growled, fucking you harder and faster. You were so close, but you weren't stupid enough to come without permission. Not after what he did the last time, "Doubting me. Do you really think I don't know what's best for you? What's best for us?"
"No," You whimpered, your hips arching backward to rub harder into his erection, "You're right, I-I'm yours. C-Can I come now? Please?"
"Beg me and maybe I'll think about it," Astarion meanly laughed, relishing in the gush of slick his harshness coaxed from between your legs, "Beg and apologize. Apologize for doubting us. For doubting me."
You could barely get the words out through your own gasps, tears prickling in the corner of your eyes, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I-I didn't mean it!"
"Good girl," Astarion huskily laughed, using a clever thumb to rub over your swollen clit, "Now tell me you love me."
"I love you," You said easily, meaning every word, "I love you more than anything.
"Tell me you'll never leave me. Ever."
There was something else behind that promise. An obvious implication that your fucked-out brain was too distracted to see.
"Never," You promised, reaching back for you him. You curled your fingers into his hair. pulling his head down to press his mouth against your throat. An open invitation, "I'll always be with you."
Astarion groaned against your skin, his fangs so close to piercing, "Precious pet, how could I ever want anything else? Come darling, you've earned it."
Then he was biting you, the brief flash of pain the perfect trigger for you to fall over the edge. You came with an embarrassingly high-pitched whine, slumping back into Astarion as he drank from your throat.
You looked as much of a mess as you felt, the stickiness between your thighs glistening in the light. You watched yourself, whimpering as Astarion slipped his fingers out. Just to tap them against your lips, forcing them into your mouth to suck on.
You moaned around them, light-headed as Astarion popped off of your throat. You sighed as he licked at the wound, enjoying the brief moment of rest. You weren't naive enough to think that you were done yet. Not when Astarion was still hard, his cock pulsing against you.
"See?" Astarion huskily laughed, licking the blood off of his lips while he played with your tongue, "You're perfect. Perfect and mine."
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