#i appreciate your consideration & am with you in feeling hurt but i dont really want to discuss this topic in public | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shina913 · 2 years

Note

Hey ! thank you for your very long answer ! i really appreciate you taking your time ! ♥️ I actually have to say that i STILL find it hard to believe. Bc there was this point in the series ( which you also mentioned, the one where oc and tae talk and oc roots for them both bc she knows he loves her ), in that part i thought oc was somehow taking the blame. Bc i remember her saying smth like: who am i to hold you back to go to her ? like ? why is she taking the blame ? and to think tae only ( MOSTLY ) felt terrible of going back with jennie bc of oc and NOT bc of the ACTUAL things jennie did irk me. I understand his love for her- i really do ! but how can you be with someone who slept with your best friend knowing its your sisters boyfriend ? who kept it a secret for so long ? who watched your sister being miserable ? who is half the reason on why your sister literally moved away ? how can you go back to her ? and the fact that he punched haru is still so unnecessary to me. You punch him bc he slept with the girl you loved ? but jennie didnt even get a pep talk on how disgusting she is for doing what she did ? all she got was ignoring on his side. and smth that also really irks me is how MAD she got when she thought jk told oc. she literally wanted to take that to her grave lmao. So, i know everyone thinks differently. So i‘ll ofc have to accept your ending ! for me tho, i didnt like that they married and the fact that he didnt even contact his childhood best friend was also not understandable. You can marry the girl who fucked your sisters boyfriend but not befriend said boyfriend who was your best friend since childhood again ? anyway, i dont think us discussing this will lead to smth bc as i said, we all have diff opinions on these kind of things ♥️ i would still really love for your reply tho 🤗

- 🧚🏻

Hi! You’re welcome. I said that I was open to feedback so I’m glad that this story is garnering varied reactions and points of view. I welcome a healthy discussion on it.

Let me start by saying that my intentions as an author can only go so far. If the story that I wrote didn’t come through or it’s something that a reader disagrees with or questions, that’s perfectly valid! Everybody interprets things differently or has different beliefs and I’m only here to clarify my thought process and rationale in relation to what I’ve published since that’s the only variable that I can control.

That said, here are some answers to the points that you raised:

OC taking the blame; ‘who am i to hold you back to go to her?’

The direct quote here was:

“Okay so…talk to her,” You urged him. “Answer her texts and her calls. Because trust me,” you clutched your chest, “It would absolutely rip me apart if I took your happiness away from you. What kind of a sister would I be?”

When I wrote this, my intention was not for OC to take the blame and I didn’t think it came off that way? I wrote this line to show that OC is letting go of the past and leaving Taehyung to make this decision about Jennie for himself. While it’s true that OC could have gotten into Taehyung’s ear and said, ‘Screw Jennie–she’s a shitty person,’ I think that he would have taken that into consideration so he wouldn’t hurt his sister. But again, as I mentioned in my initial response to you–what ever for? What benefit would OC get out of this? Revenge? Okay. That feels good. But for how long?

but how can you be with someone who slept with your best friend knowing its your sisters boyfriend ? who kept it a secret for so long ? who watched your sister being miserable ?

Have you ever kept a secret from someone you love because you knew that it would hurt or anger them? You wanted to spare them and yourself from that experience? At some point, we’ve all gone through it–no matter how big or small that secret is. If your answer is ‘no,’ then consider yourself extremely lucky!

And Taehyung being willing to look past Jennie’s discretions because he loves her–this is a huge gray area. If you’re an outsider to this experience or situation, obviously, you would think logically and tell Taehyung, That’s not right! She fucked up, she doesn’t deserve a second chance! But love clouds your decisions–if you’ve never been faced with a conflicting decision like that and always see everything in black and white with no in-betweens, consider yourself extremely lucky!

and the fact that he punched haru is still so unnecessary to me. You punch him bc he slept with the girl you loved ? but jennie didnt even get a pep talk on how disgusting she is for doing what she did ?

So Haru being the physical recipient of Tae’s rage is unwarranted but you want Jennie to hang out to dry? They are BOTH at fault here, let’s not forget that! And Taehyung canceling the wedding and shunning her is torture! She was looking forward to marrying him and now that’s not happening. He was her whole life and now she thinks that he doesn’t want her anymore! How is that not punishment enough for her? However, demonizing Jennie is not the point of my story. She and Haru made a mistake–they both recognized that.

I often notice that whenever there’s a story about infidelity, many people are quick to castigate the woman. It’s her fault. But there were two people who made a mistake here–her and Haru. The difference between the two of them was that Jennie immediately regretted that mistake while Haru decided to take it a step further and break it off with OC.

Of course, it was wrong for Jennie to keep that secret! But rooting it in reality, taking into account all of the factors here: OC being one of her oldest friends, Haru being engaged to her friend, seeing her friend suffer–obviously, that is a terrible thing for Jennie to do. And it was selfish!

Fast-forward to over a year later, with everything out in the open, OC is understandably emotional about all of it. BUT I wanted my OC to think–all this stuff already happened. Was there anything else that OC could have done to change the past? No. Was there anything that Jennie could have done for things to not escalate? Maybe. And sure, Jennie could have told the truth and risked losing her friend anyway. But again, there was nothing that any of them could do to change the past! In the end, I wrote my OC to actively choose to move forward from it. I said as much in OC’s convo with Taehyung:

“…Whatever happened to Haru and I–that’s all done. We were over when I arrived at the beginning of the week and it has remained that way even after the truth came out.”

“But Jennie–”

“Jennie did what she thought was right at the time.” You cleared your throat and decided to tell Taehyung that you spoke to her. “She…sought me out, you know…last night. And we talked. She apologized and…I’ve made peace with it.”

And although I haven't written it out, who's to say that Haru never reached out to Taehyung and accepted his apology? He could have done that (in an alternate universe) and perhaps they might even be back on speaking terms--at least, that's how I have it playing in my head! And you'll see that OC is perfectly happy with JK in the end. Why wouldn't she want the same happiness for her brother, despite the fact that it was Jennie? And really, what purpose would it serve OC to hang onto that grudge when she has her new man who is absolutely committed to her?

I was operating in the mindset where Jennie showed remorse, she worked her way back into Taehyung and OC's family's good graces. She managed to rebuild that trust--which was not an easy feat. It didn't happen overnight, it definitely took some time to get there but they did! The point here is 'forgiven, not forgotten.'

All this to say, I get that there are stories out there that are more clear-cut and perhaps that’s all part of the escapist aspect of it? However, my writing style is often rooted in reality. They may not be logical all the time but I’d like to think that they’re relatable on some human level. I like to read and write stories about characters who live their lives, including making mistakes and figuring out how they can grow and learn from those.

In real life, everybody deserves to be given some room for error. As I’ve gotten older (and even as I raise my own children), I give them room to make mistakes at least once. With adults, I take a different approach. I think that we’re so quick to write off people when we haven’t given them the chance to redeem themselves. Personally, I want to see if that person will show remorse. Then after that, what do they do about it? Are they actively trying to better themselves or do they repeat the same mistake over and over?

And I know that you've made your mind up about it already--you said as much at the end of your ask. You are entitled to that opinion! Your point of view is one of many ways of interpreting this story.

For my part, I can only speak about my intentions, my process, my writing style, and how I generally approach my stories and develop my characters. I put a lot of thought into my fics and when I ask for feedback, I mean it! I'm happy to respond to them! 💜

#shina anon asks #coquet x jjk reblog

0 notes

dwaeki · 3 years

Text

— felix as ur bf (random headcanons)

pairing: felix x gn!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: none other than maybe some slip ups and just poorly written fluff, not proofread, lower case intended!!!

a/n: i'm just bored and need to post so i decided to make this at like 3AM 😩🤝🏻 genuinely dont knownwhat i was writing here but i went with the flow so 😞

ok lets completely disregard the fact that felix is my ult and i am absolutely whipped for him.

he doesn't sleep early at night especially if he had a bad day at practice or made a lot of mistakes while trying to memorize the choreography to one of their new songs,

so he usually stays up for a little while playing video games on his PC while you sleep over at the dorms.

you're most likely there sitting on his lap, sleeping peacefully while your boyfriend tries to restrain himself from raging and absolutely destroying his expensive keyboard </3

(p.s he has a keyboard that lights up. most likely rainbow cuz idk HE GIVES OFF THOSE VIBES.)

the first time you sat on his lap while he was playing games he just fell in love with that idea

the feeling of your arms wrapped around his shoulders as you rest your head in the crook of his neck is just :(( y/n ure making him feel so loved :((

he's just rlly comfortable and feels at peace.

also when he feels a bit too overwhelmed or just frustrated he stops the game for a little while and wraps his arms around you tightly while inhaling your scent :((

he feels better right away <33

but you dont know that bcuz ure ✨asleep✨

but if he's feeling particularly tired he just plays on his phone

while you're both in bed, cuddling <33

PLUSHIES !! you guys collect a bunch of plushies <3

he likes plushies a lot so if u like plushies too you guys are just a perfect duo. you two are always on a look out for stuffed animals,

felix keeps a bunch of cents in his pockets just in case u find something.

if one of u spots a claw machine outside while you're going out or during an arcade date you're going to drop whatever you were doing before and literally run, leap, fly towards its direction.

"Y/N A CLAW MACHINE !!!!" "OH MY GOD GOGOOGOGO RUN FELIX GO DONT LET THE KID GET THERE BEFORE WE DO"

you two are competitive as hell when it comes to winning a stuffed animal & believe me felix doesnt go easy on you

especially if youre a sour loser cuz he teases you a lot.

it starts off with u two being competitive but ends with the both of you basically throwing all of your money away just to get a single plushie.

one time u hogged the claw machine for a little too long and you didnt even notice the line of kids waiting for the two of u to finally leave for good.

yeah... ure banned from using the claw machine at one of the arcades ... 😬✋🏻

he also lays his head on your lap... a lot.

he just loves feeling close to you so if he's sleepy and wants cuddles he usually just lays his head on your thighs (no matter the shape or size cuz we love all kinds of thighs here, love <3) , grabs your hand and plays with ur fingers.

you already get the message so you're quick to get up and move to the bedroom to cuddle

but if you don't get the message then he starts pouting and sighing dramatically, waiting for u to take the hint

but if ure still not budging then he just lifts you up and quite literally throws you onto the bed so you two can cuddle

(one time u bounced off the bed and hurt your arm... felix almost cried...)

he grumbles a bunch of incoherent words while getting under the covers

squeezes the living soul out of you the second he's under the covers. like ure literally left soulless.

HE'S LITERALLY A HUMAN HEATER SO BEWARE WHEN U CUDDLE IN THE SUMMER !!!

felix doesnt rlly have a favorite position to cuddle in, he likes any and every.

he loves being the big spoon, he loves being the small spoon

but he also rlly loves cuddling face-to-face <33 or maybe ur head buried in his chest :((

loves placing kithes all over your face or pecking your lips during cuddle sessions.

yeah... he's a sucker for physical contact 😚😚

he's also SO whipped for you you don't even understand.

everyone around him can tell that he absolutely adores you and everything you do

one time jeongin mentioned how utterly in love he was and how "disgusting & painful" it was to watch you two interact 😔

and felix was low-key like HELL YEAH IM WHIPPED AND IM PROUD !!!

doesnt care if anyone points out how much he loves u & doesn't deny it either bcuz YEAH!! HE DOES INDEED LOVE U VERY MUCH!!! WHAT ABOUT IT!?!?!!

he also gives the best presents !

he just always knows what to buy anyone he's very close with and the list ofc includes you :D bcuz youre his lover mwuah <3

buys you the best birthday presents, anniversary presents, holiday presents.

it's because he's observant !!

especially when it comes to you. if you eye an expensive outfit that you can't really afford at the moment or there's a fancy restaurant you want to go to, he will keep it in the back of his mind and will take it into consideration ;))

there doesn't have to be a special occurance for felix to surprise you with a present !!

even if the present he's getting you is pretty expensive its still for u and he wants to make u feel as appreciated and as loved as he can. so wasting money on you is never a problem as long as you're happy :((

the fact that he is observant also comes in handy a lot, because he can tell when you're uncomfortable by the small changes in the way you act like the furrowing of your eyebrows or you shift even closer to him, etc.

if it's a public space or an event where you have to socialize and interact with others and he notices you feeling uncomfortable he will take you to a less crowded place to give u a bunch of kisses and reassure you that everything will be just fine <3

he also knows what you like and dislike very well, so it's easier to avoid any arguments in your relationship.

virtual dates !!

he takes you on a bunch of dates on minecraft, roblox, animal crossing etc.

the dates usually happen while he's away on a tour and you two really miss each other </3

the first time he went on a tour he just really really really missed you and your voice

so he called you on discord and suggested that you play minecraft together. you created a new world and just started everything from the scratch.

so every time felix goes on tour you guys call on discord, get on minecraft and add new things to your world <33

your world includes but is not limited to: a huge pink mansion with a pretty backyard filled with flowers, a dog named "seungmo" and a cat named "lino" (as felix suggested you named them ✋🏻)

he once told you that one day you two are gonna get married (if you're willing to ofc) and live a perfect life just like in your minecraft world :((

even tho it was over the top to assume that you two would live in a gigantic pink mansion, it was still endearing and it made your heart melt <3

he really wants to spend the rest of his life with you because he knows you're the one :(

#felix x reader #lee felix #felix #stray kids #skz #skz x reader #felix x gn!reader #lee felix x reader #skz imagines #skz reactions #stray kids headcanons #skz headcanons #felix as your boyfriend #lee felix x reader fluff #felix x reader fluff #skz fluff #stray kids fluff

989 notes · View notes

willowbleedsonpaper · 3 years

Text

Shattered (Part 2)

James Potter x Reader

Read the first part here!

W.C. : 8055... sorry (?)

Warnings: Blood, sadness, heartbreak, my english, I didn’t proof read, that it is 01:00 am. Idk, you tell me :)

A/N: I dont know if this is what you all requested, I hope you like it and that you enjoy it. Thank you so much for your patience, I know I’m a slow writer but we can blame my brain for getting distracted way to easily. I spent one hour looking for a song I listened to years ago in the middle of writing this, and that was just today. Again, thank you for your patience.

Likes, reblogs, comments and keyboard smashes are appreciated.

Sirius stayed back with a knot in his stomach, the anticipation he felt as he saw you and James walk out of the Gryffindor common room more than he could bear. You had led James with the hold of your hand, looking back at Sirius with a small smile before you disappeared from his sight. He knew what you were about to do. He knew and he fought every single nerve in his body to not follow the two of you, rocking on his feet as he awaited your arrival.

His stomach dropped at the sight of James, walking back all alone. He raised his eyes over the people crowded at the entrance, waiting for your bright smile to meet his eyes, but you never arrived. James was all alone.

“Prongs.” he called his friend as he walked past them “Where are you going?” he held back from asking about you. It was clear you weren’t coming back.

James stopped at the stairs to the dorms, his hand supporting his weight on the wall “It’s been a long week.” he muttered, voice barely audible over all the fuzz “I’m going to bed.” he stated, never meeting his friends face as he kept his face low.

Sirius placed his cup down, walking over his friend who had gotten up the stairs. He called his name without a response, jumping the last steps towards their dorm “James!” he called once he catched up to him, placing his hand on his shoulder to stop him.

James jumped at the feeling of his hand, finally lifting his head. His cheeks were stained with tears, his lower lip trembling as he stared at Sirius “Not now, Pads.” he mumbled, taking his hand from his shoulder and letting it fall “Not now.”

Sirius froze there, not saying a word as James closed the door behind him. He had learned when to leave James alone, walking down the steps back to the common room with a defeated feeling in his chest. Your name popped in his head as he remembered his words to you.

I don’t think he’s pretending anymore.

What had he done?

He never made it back to his group of friends, his cup long forgotten in one of the tables of the common room. He walked as fast as he could, ignoring the looks from students as his head turned at every possible spot you could be, his feet with a mind of its own as he ended up at the door of your dorm.

His hand shook as he neared the door, the soft twist of the knob making his stomach wake with a thousand feelings, his palms sweaty as he pushed the door open.

He called your name softly, heart beating fast inside his chest. His eyes adapted quickly to the darkness, moving wildly all over the room to find nothing. He was about to give up, pulling the door with him as he walked out when a flicker of light caught his eye. He frowned, going back inside looking for the source of the little light, the crunching sound of something under his weight making him stop instantly. He took a few steps back, the flicker blinding him once more as he crunched down and suddenly he saw it. Sharp pieces of what looked like a mirror were scattered all over the floor.

He stayed there for a second, the thud sound coming from the bathroom making him go there, his knuckles touching the wood as he placed his ear over the door. “Y/N?” he called again. Not getting a response, he opened the door, the light bright in comparison to the room. And there, sitting on the cold tiled floor, he saw you hugging your knees as you sobbed quietly.

“Oh, darling.” he muttered, kneeling to your side in a second.

Your grip around your legs tightened, turning to your side to avoid looking at him. You ignored his calls and questions, his soft voice making the knot on your throat tighter as you wanted nothing more than left yourself cry and scream. You wanted to scream the pain away.

“Just leave, Sirius.” you said in between sobs, hiding your face in the piece of clothing in your hands.

But he couldn’t bring himself to leave you, his eyes widening in worry as he saw you crumble down again. Your sobs were loud once more as you angrily cleaned the tears from your face. His face fell on the one thing you clung onto, his heart falling down inside his chest as he recognized the fabric as the sweater James had gifted you. He didn’t know what to do, this was his fault! You told him not to give you hope and nevertheless you listened to his foolish advice. You went ahead and confessed everything to James. It was his fault you were in so much pain and he didn’t know how to make it better. He wasn’t sure he could. Sirius wasn’t good at this, he had never been in this position before. He couldn’t tell you it would be alright, that it would stop hurting at some point. He couldn’t give you advice because he knew that was his mistake in the first place. He could only do the one thing he knew worked for him, the thing James himself did for him. Be there for you.

“I’m sorry.” he mumbled, his hand going to hold your hand, the feeling of warmth making his heart stop. He immediately let go, holding his palm up to the light to see the red stains there, his face snapping at you as he went to the sink, grabbing a small towel from there as he rushed back to your side “Y/N, you’re bleeding.” he said hurriedly, clutching your hand against his and carefully tapping the soft fabric over your palm.

Your head snapped up instantly, finally turning to him as he held your hand, seeing the small cuts on your palms “I thought it stopped.” you told him, voice raspy as you sat straight.

He shook his head, taking your other hand in his as he began cleaning that one too “You knew you were bleeding?” he asked.

You nodded your head “I-uh..I tripped while holding my mirror.” you lied “Stopped the fall with my hands but ended up falling over the broken mirror. I cleaned them before, I thought they had stopped bleeding.” you said with an apologetic look.

He gave you a questioning look but said nothing about it “Don’t they hurt?” he asked, the worry in his voice rising as he saw you shake your head “You felt them, right?”

You shrugged your shoulders, letting him clean your palms. “I felt them, they don’t hurt.” you stated.

His movements slowed down considerably, the towel like a feather over your skin. He looked up at you through his lashes, your void eyes making him look away immediately. You stayed in silence for a long while, him noticing your wounded knees as well and doing careful work on them.

Once he was done, he stayed there by your side. You didn’t have the energy to tell him to leave, to remind him that he was on the wrong side of this messy situation and that he belonged at his best friend’s side.

“You should go and get some rest, Sirius.” you said, not looking at him but in front of you, staring at the same spot you had been staring for a while now “It’s past midnight.”

He didn’t realize when he got back to the floor again, both of you sitting there like two defeated warriors. He certainly felt defeated, the prospect of the weeks ahead not giving him any hope.

“They won’t notice I’m gone.” he said in a whisper. “The party is still going, your friends are still there too.”

You frowned, a dry chuckle leaving your throat “They’re hardly my friends, just good company and nice roommates.” you said, not giving it so much importance as you lifted your head from his shoulder, not realizing when you had leaned on him in the first place, and moved to sit in front of him, your legs crossed so the two could fit in the small space “You know for a fact they will be looking for you.” you said as firmly as you could muster “Did you tell anyone you were coming here?”

He shook his head, his hair falling to the sides of his head when he looked down “I didn’t even know where I was going.” he admitted with a humorless laugh “I saw James alone and after I talked to him I went to look for you. I was about to leave when I saw…” his words trailed down, dying on the tip of his tongue as he remembered the broken mirror on the room.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, the mirror coming back to your head as the crashing sounds replayed in your memory over and over again. He caught you on your lie.

“How’ s James?” you asked in a whisper, not really knowing what you expected to hear.

“He’s, I- I really don’t know.” he admitted “He went straight to bed and asked me to leave him alone.”

You nodded your head, moving your hair out of your face, taking a good look at Sirius for the first time that night. He looked more broken than you felt, his face was contorted in pain as he never met your eyes. “Sirius.” you called him with a soft smile, his eyes lifting to look at you “Why does it look like you’re the one with a broken heart?” you asked.

He remained silent for a while, studying your face as you waited for his answer “It’s my fault.” he murmured “You told me not to give you hope and that’s exactly what I did.”

Your smile turned into a sad one, playing with your hands and the little charm on the bracelet you wore “It’s not your fault I fell for him.” you told him “We made a deal and I knew why he was doing this. If anything, it’s James' fault for being so bloody charming.” you said with laugh, the single tear running down your cheek betraying you and the pang you felt in your chest.

Sirius handed you a tissue, watching you clean your cheeks “Maybe there is no one to blame.” he said lightly “You can’t tell your heart how to feel, right? Not your fault.” he said, lifting a finger as he counted “I tried to help and it went awfully wrong.” you chuckled at his words, a second finger lifting as he sighed “And James can’t tell his heart how to feel either.” he dropped his hand, looking at you.

You nodded, pursing your lips but not disagreeing with him. “Who are you and what did you do with Sirius?” you joked, watching him roll his eyes “When did you become so wise?” you asked and he shook his head.

“Like an hour ago.” he blurted, making the both of you laugh trutfully for the first time in the night. “I should probably go.” he said with a sigh, standing from the floor and helping you to your feet, you walked in silence to the door of your dorm. He stopped there, turning one last time as he gave you a quick hug, murmuring goodnight at the side of your head.

He was a few stairs down when your fingers wandered back to the bracelet in your wrist, your eyes falling back as you held the small charm in between your fingers “Sirius!” you called him as you ran down the few steps he had taken, unfastening the chain and pulling it away. “Can you take this with you?” you asked him, holding it up for him to see “Please.”

He looked at it, his eyes moving from the bracelet and up to you. “What should I do with it?” he asked, opening his palm and you softly placed it over his hand, closing his hand in a fist.

You lifted your eyes to his, hugging yourself as you shrugged “Whatever you want.” you said, letting your shoulders fall. He bit his lip, nodding his head and putting the bracelet inside his pocket. A sigh left you as you saw him “Thank you.” you whispered.

He smiled tightly at you, nodding his head in your way “Of course.” he said, leaving you and your dorm behind for the night.

“Sirius?” Remus’ voice echoed in the common room, the place a mess as he made quick work in cleaning the space. The sound of footsteps caught his attention, walking to the stairs with the hope of seeing him there only to find Peter “Anything?” he asked desperately.

Peter shook his head, the sigh that left Remus’ lips cut short “Remus, I think Sirius can wait.” Peter said urgently, getting a confused look from Remus “It’s James.” he pointed up to where their dorm.

Remus dropped the bag in his hand, doubtfully following Peter “What about James?” he asked.

“I don’t know.” He answered, signaling for Remus to follow as he jumped the last steps up, pushing the dorm open.

Remus walked inside, Peter close on his tail. He didn’t see anything weird at first, checking Sirius’s bed before his eyes fell on the empty bed beside it. He looked around, looking for his friend when Peter lifted his hand, pointing right to the window and the figure sitting there.

“Prongs?” he called hesitantly, walking near until he was sitting next to him. When he got no answer he turned to Peter, the same Peter who just shook his face and pointed back at James with the shrug of his shoulders. Remus tilted his head, a sigh leaving his lips as he patted the place next to him for Peter to sit. “James.” he called firmly.

James only moved his head, resting his head on his knees as he hugged his legs. The sniffing sounds coming from him filling the room “I fucked up, Moony.” he muttered “I fucked up real bad.”

Remus wondered what he could be referring to, Peter looking between his two friends with the same confusion written all over his face. They weren’t left in the dark for long, James pouring his mind and heart out to his friends as they listened carefully. Not one thing was left unsaid, not the deal, the gifts he gave you, his initial plan to make Lily jealous, everything that happened that night, everything he didn’t understand.

“You were pretending all this time?” asked Peter, voice shaky as he awaited for them to confirm he understood everything, but Remus’ look towards James made him stay in silence.

If looks could kill, James would be dead. And if there was something worse after death he would be there as well. The silence was so thick, James felt like breathing became hard, swallowing the lump in his throat as he looked down at the floor, not having the courage to look his friend in the eye.

“You’re an idiot.” said Remus. Nothing else. He left the words settle in, not giving a further explanation as he saw the guilt stir inside James’s chest.

“I know Moony, but…”

“There is no but here. You already know you fucked up, you said it yourself.” he said, his voice awfully calm as his face screamed a thousand emotions no one could nor wanted to name.

James felt the tears gathered in his eyes once again, holding Remus’ gaze with a shaky stance. He cursed under his breath, running his hands through his hair until he reached his face, hiding in the safety of his palms “I don’t know what to do.” he admitted, words muffled but clear to everyone in the room.

The door opened before anyone could say anything, the three friends turned towards the sound as they watched Sirius walk inside. He was completely oblivious to his friends all gathered around James, his steps faltering once he met the eyes of all on him.

“We looked for you everywhere.” said Peter with a nervous smile “You left the party early.”

Sirius opened his mouth, the words forming on his tongue and dying there.

“You went to see her.” James said, voice low as he met Sirius’s eyes “Didn’t you?”

Sirius turned his eyes away at the mention of you, walking to his bed and taking his jacket off. He moved slowly around the room, head low as he avoided the answers he knew he would have to give sooner or later.

Remus called his name, successfully making him snap out his trance.

“Yeah, I did.” he said, doubtful if he should go and sit with them or keep his distance. But once Peter and Remus moved to the sides and made some space for him to join he didn’t hesitate.

“How is she?” James asked, leaning his body forward.

“Better now.” he said dryly, not knowing how to explain the state he found you in. Not knowing in what state he left you in.

“What do you mean better now?” asked James in confusion, a frown set deep in his face.

Sirius shook his head “It would be better if you two talked.” he said.

Remus chuckled, looking down before he met the confusion of all his friends at the sudden sound leaving his lips “I can’t believe I’m saying this but he’s right.” he said, cocking his head in Sirius’s direction.

They all laughed, the air turning lighter as their laughs died down.

The subject wasn’t addressed for the rest of the night, all of them going to sleep a couple of hours later with their hearts heaving inside their chests. You had always been friends with the Marauders, more close with James, but still. They would be, in a way, losing a friend. They knew how you acted, how you thinked, you would keep your distance from them at all cost.

This plagued the minds of everyone as they went to sleep, some successfully getting some sleep while others didn’t have the chance.

Getting out of bed was easier than you thought it would be. The ticking of the clock making you open your eyes earlier than most days, there was no point in staying in bed. You went to the bathroom and followed your routine, getting changed for the day in your robes.

Twenty minutes later you were making your way through the empty halls of the castle, taking your time in getting to the Great Hall for breakfast as you enjoyed the chill morning air blowing in your face. You nuzzled your face in your scarf, feeling the soft material against your skin when the faintest of smells caught your nose, making your feet slow down as you looked down to the scarf. The pit in your stomach grew as you realized it wasn’t your scarf, not really, but the one James gifted you. There was no telling them apart, they were exactly the same scarf, except for the fabric that still lingered with his scent. It was clear for you it was his scarf, but no one else could know, so you kept going like nothing happened. In a way, he would be with you the rest of the day.

The day was just like any other for anyone watching, for anyone paying the minimum of attention. You made the effort of not standing out, which was an easy task, keeping yourself surrounded by your housemates in meals and during classes. No one even questioned you, no one asked where you went the previous night when you left with James, why you didn’t return. For the outside world you were still with James. For them, the previous night never happened.

You envied them, but at the same time you didn’t. You wanted the hurt to stop, but you didn’t regret telling James how you felt. You tried and he didn’t feel the same way. Now it was time to heal. Time for you to move on.

Only thing was, James remained one of the most popular students at Hogwarts. He was James Potter, Transfiguration prodigy, Captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team, known prankster and one of the Marauders. Everyone heard his name at least once a day and you weren’t the exception. Actually, you were far from being the exception, his name followed you everywhere you went.

Two weeks had gone by and you had managed to successfully avoid him. Of course you saw him walk around the castle, your steps faltering at the sound of his voice, your eyes staring at him longer than you should, your heart skipped a beat at the sound of his name, but you never actually interacted with him, and for that you were grateful. You made sure you always were with someone by your side, you shared most of your classes with your best friend and in the ones you didn't’ you kept mostly to yourself, engaging with the professor and other students as you normally would. You went on with your life the way you did before James, before the deal.

“Miss Y/LN.” Professor Mcgonagall called after class, your heart beating fast inside your chest as you slowly packed your things and walked to her desk, making time until everyone had walked out of the classroom.

“Professor.” you said, standing in front of her “Is there something wrong?” you asked, your voice surprisingly firm as you said it.

“Oh, no.” she said, looking up at you through her glasses “On the contrary.” she pulled a parchment form beneath her desk, opening it for you to see. A sigh left your lips as you saw the list she showed you “Are you still looking for someone to tutor?” she asked, her smile widening as she said it.

You nodded your head, your excitement matching hers.

“In that case, I have the perfect candidate.” She said “It’s nothing complicated, he needs help in a few subjects and only for the upcoming exams if he wants to keep his position in the Quidditch team, and I have a feeling you will be happy to tutor him.”

“Really?” you asked, getting confused by her confidence in her choice “Who is it?”

She looked up at you, an amused smile playing on her lips “Potter, of course.” she said.

Your smile fell instantly and it didn’t go unnoticed by her, putting her parchment down as she focused on you “Is there something wrong?” she asked in concern.

You looked at her, smiling tightly “No. I mean, well… we’re not dating anymore.” you muttered the last words, sitting in the table behind you without a care if it was appropriate or not.

Just like yours, Professor Mcgonagall’s smile fell from her lips “Oh dear,” she said with a sympathetic look on her face “Well it matters not if you are in a relationship with Potter or not, right now he is the only student who matches your schedule.”

You knew what she meant. You started tutoring to get higher grades in your classes, you needed that extra, heartbroken or not.

“Of course,” you said, accepting the papers from her and reading quickly over her neat handwriting “Fridays at the library.” you said, Professor Mcgonagall nodding in approval as you went through the details.

Not five minutes later you were walking out of her classroom, papers in hand and your spirit lost once more. Why must fate be so cruel?

James walked the halls of Hogwarts inside his own head. Friends waved in his way, professors called his name, people told him to watch where he was going. He waved back by pure memory muscle, not even noticing who he was waving back to; he hid inside his shell and ignored the words of his professors, words going in one ear and out through the other; he didn’t even stood for himself against others, muttering a low apology as he kept on his way. He was living on automatic.

Friday evening, the clouds rolled on the sky as the sun started to set in the horizon, making the day darker and darker as he made his way to the library, the place with just enough light from the candles to walk around. He wanted to be somewhat prepared for the session with his tutor. He was supposed to meet with his tutor for the first time that day, Professor Mcgonagall giving him the details earlier that day, with a hard look on her face as she said he should be lucky to have the tutor she chose for him, but never actually giving their name.

He needed this, he needed to keep up with his grades if he wanted to play quidditch, not even stay captain, just so they would let him play.

For the past two weeks, Quidditch and his friends were the only thing keeping him at float, the only things that prevented him from sinking in the guilt he could feel around him, slowly reaching his neck, barely keeping his head out. He couldn’t afford to lose one of those things.

He sat at the table farthest inside at the library, the book about the subjects he needed help the most open in a line in front of him. The words never settled as he read over and over the same page. He grunted, pushing the book away as the ones beside it fell to the ground.

“What did the books ever do to you?” his face snapped up at the voice, meeting red hair and a bright smile. Lily placed the books back on the table, slowly taking the chair in front of him.

He raised an eyebrow, the sinking feeling in his chest lifting the slightest as Lily sat there with him “Are you my tutor?” he asked suspiciously.

Lily scoffed, looking at him before she rolled his eyes, shaking her head and resting her back against the chair “I have enough work with my classes as it is.” she said, looking over all the books he had gathered.

“Here I thought you were looking to spend more time with me.” he smirked, smiling but the facade falling as quickly as it appeared. He couldn’t even act like he once did.

She smiled, looking up at him in confusion “Aren’t you and Y/N dating?” she asked.

And then it dawned on him, they never officially broke up. No one knew what happened that night, not even he was sure what happened. “Yeah,” he muttered, head low as he scratched the back of his neck “Not anymore.” he added, looking up to see Lily’s reaction.

She raised her eyebrows, leaning back and crossing her arms over her chest “Thats’ a shame.” she said, taking James by surprise “You were almost tolerable when you two started dating.”

“What?” he blurted out.

“That’s why I’m here.” she explained, and James gave her a dirty look, earning a chuckle from her “You didn’t think I was here for you, did you?” he muttered a No under his breath, the smile on Lily’s face growing but she said nothing about it “I’ve been looking for her all over the castle, I just can’t find her.” she explained.

“Why are you looking for her?” he asked, his voice suddenly flat as all emotion was drained from him.

She chose to ignore it, sensing the change in his mood as soon as he mentioned her “You know, it’s not important.” she brushed it off, taking her bag from the floor “I’ll find her by myself later.”

She said her goodbyes, starting to walk when his hand grasped her wrist “Lily.” he said, her eyes never meeting his. “Why are you looking for YN?” he asked again, never letting go of her wrist. Lily had a hard look on her, shaking his hand out of his grasp, lifting her head as her eyes softened.

“Y/N.” she breathed out, James' face turning into one of confusion until a sense he found himself missing every day for the past two weeks filled him once more.

You smiled tightly, hand over the handle of your bag as your eyes moved up from where their hands were second ago. Looking immediately at Lily with a more warmer smile.

“Hi, Lily.” you greeted her, not once meeting James’ eyes “I can come back later, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Not at all,” she said, her body acting by itself as it leaned forward to talk but the words never appeared, her sudden burst of energy dying down as she looked down at James. Her face fell but she covered it up quickly with a smile, reaching for her bag on the chair “I was just leaving, I’ll see you both around.” She bid her goodbyes and walked away.

You followed her with your eyes, until her red hair disappeared in between the shelves.

“I guess you are my tutor.” James broke the silence and you finally looked at him, the pit in your stomach growing. You took the chair where Lily sat before, nodding your head at him “Y/N, I…”

“I am,” you confirmed, taking the chair where Lily sat before “I thought we could start with Herbology, since it’s your worst subject.” you said, cutting him short “I thought we could leave Charms and Transfiguration for last, you’re good at those and you’ll need little to no help.”

“Right.” he muttered, leaning back when you moved away from him. Taking a little too long in getting your notes, practically burying your face in your bag.

The session was long, meeting once a week having its burden but one you were ready to carry. You had to help him with most of the subjects, but he was clever and you already knew how to teach him. He was doing most of the talking, asking questions when he got stuck in something. You wanted to smile, a soft smile forming but holding it back as you looked down at him. He was really clever, but he doubted himself, most of the session based on his questions to ensure he had the right point or idea.

“It’s getting late.” James said, closing his book softly as he stretched his arms over his head, a yawn escaping him as he pressed his eyes shut. He returned his eyes to you, your own gaze lost on some spot behind him “Y/N?” he asked, waving a hand before you.

“Huh?” you asked softly, your eyes taking a little longer to snap back to reality, immediately falling to the now empty table “Right.” you muttered, grabbing your things and shoving them down your bag.

“Hey, Y/N.” said James, lowering his head to meet your eyes “I think we need to…”

You didn’t let him finish “I’ll see you next Friday. If you need anymore help, just find me and we can arrange something.” you repeated the speech you had been going over in your head long before you arrived at the library, watching him nod you breathe out in relief “Goodnight.” you said, walking past him and out of the library, everything James wanted to say left hanging in the air.

“Hello, stranger.” you slowly raised your head, your blank look softening as you moved your things to the side.

“What are you doing here Sirius?” you asked with amusement, turning to the side towards his usual spot, Remus and Peter deep in conversation to even notice your eyes on them.

He scoffed, taking the seat with an offended look “Two weeks.” he said, palm hitting the table with each word “Two weeks since we last talked and you ask what am I doing here?”

You shrugged, making a face as you lowered your head “I’ve been here all the time.” you said back “Besides, we’ve gone longer without exchanging a word and the world it’s still spinning.”

“Glad to see you missed me.” he muttered, grabbing pieces of fruit from your plate despite you slapping his hand away “Stop doing that, I’m stealing your food anyway.” he hissed, stretching his hand when you took your plate away from him.

You gave up in the end, giving him the plate which he took with a smile “I’m going to class now.” you said, watching him nod “Do you need anything?” you asked him, grabbing your bag and standing, Sirius doing the same and following your steps.

“I’ll walk with you.” he said, grabbing one last piece of apple and walking with you.

You didn’t fight him, walking out of the Great Hall and turning right only to be tugged the opposite way. You complained but it was of no use, your hands pointing back as Sirius led you, his grip on your shoulders difficult to fight. “You do know the way to dungeons is the opposite of where we are going, right?”

“Of course.” he said, satisfied enough with your path, he let go of you and walked by your side.

“Just making sure.” you murmured, watching him as he walked peacefully “Sirius.” you called “What are you doing?”

“Nothing.” he said too quickly, the raise of your eyebrow making nothing to break him. “It’s nothing, I swear!”

“Right.” you laughed, shaking your head.

The walk, even though long, was enjoyable. You actually had missed Sirius, you missed them all. One month of having all your meals and spending all your free time with the Marauders was enough to make you miss it like it was your home. You missed the laughs, Sirius jokes and shameless flirting, you missed the blush rising up Remus’ neck at Sirius flirting, you missed having a serious and yet fun conversation with Remus about anything that came to mind, his wise words and sharp mind; you missed Peter, his sense of humour and never ending source of snacks, you missed sharing your food with him and sneaking them into class. You didn’t realize how much you missed them until Sirius told you all about them and how they were.

“You know you can always join us.” he said, the sad smile forming in your lips making him nudge your side with his elbow “I’m Sirius.” he said, wiggling his eyebrows as he walked backwards, entering the classroom with a smirk “No one is stopping you but yourself.” he said, walking to his seat next to James.

All consideration about sitting with them dying as soon as you met his eyes, holding your gaze for a second as he eyed you. His eyes moved away, the smile returning to his face but not completely, it didn't reach his eyes like it had before he saw you.

The pit in your stomach grew, letting your body fall to your chair as you dropped your bag on the floor. You sighed heavily, holding your head in your hands and waiting for the class to start. It was bound to be a long week.

“You can’t keep doing that.” Remus said that night in their common room.

“Do what?” Sirius asked, his eyes never meeting Remus’ as he threw the caramel in his hand at Peter, who catched it from the opposite side of the couch with a triumphant smile. Sirius threw a fist in the air, turning to Remus when he felt his glare on him “Use your words, Moony.”

“You have to stop taking Y/N’s attention away from James every time he’s with Lily.” he said, backing away as Sirius shushed him. “It’s friday, he’s with his tutor.” he reminded him, his body visibly relaxing as he flopped down on the couch.

“I’ll do it as long as I can.” Sirius said in a whisper “And you’re no one to talk, Mr. Glares.” he mocked, his eyes hardening in an attempt to mimic Remus’ look. Even Peter laughed at that, covering his mouth when Remus shot yet another glare at him.

“What is that even supposed to mean?” he asked, crossing his arms.

“Oh, please. Don’t tell me you don’t feel how your face brings winter upon us every time you see James with Evans”

“That’s what upsets you?” Sirius asked in disbelief “Not that they’re both heartbroken?”

“They knew what they were doing from the beginning. It 's sad? Yes, but…” he paused, shaking his head “I just want James and Y/N being friends again.”

“Or more.” Peter mumbled, making both Sirius and Remus groan as they stared at him. “No.” they said in unison.

James sat at the library, head buried deep in a book. His hand fumbled in the inside of his pocket, the soft clicking of metal sounding over the soft murmurs of the many voices at the library. He looked up at the clock again, you were rarely late. He got up, walking through all the shelves and checking every other table. You were nowhere to be found.

He sat down with a sigh again, reading over the notes and all the questions he had over the week about his assignments. He considered looking for you, taking you up on your offer to arrange something else, but Lily stopped him on his way looking for you.

He saw you walk out of your classroom, talking with some of your friends as you made your way to your next class. He spent most of the previous night working on his essay but for every question he found the answer for he came up with three more. In the end, he gave up and waited to talk to you in the morning. Following close, he avoided all the people in his way as he jogged up to your group, coming to halt a few feet from you when he heard his name being called. He turned, watching Lily walk up to him.

He stepped back, meeting her in the middle “Evans.” he said, smiling in her way. His eyes glanced at you, finding you already looking at him. Your eyes moved away from him, head low as you and your friends walked away. James sighed, focusing on Lily in front of him “What is it?” he asked, leaning in the wall behind him.

“Remember the other day I was looking for Y/N?” she asked, fumbling inside her bag as he hummed in response “Well, I found something of hers. I believe you gave it to her.” she said, pulling from her bag a thin silver chain, the small charm hanging from the end.

James watched the bracelet with sadness, taking it from Lily’s hand “Where did you find it?” he asked, the coldness of the chain in his hand making his heart drop.

“The tree by the Lake.” she answered “I was going to give it back to her but then you said you weren’t together anymore. She showed it to me, you know? Well, everyone actually. She was so happy she showed it to everyone at our table.” she chuckled.

“Right” he said, furrowing his eyebrows as he tried and failed to remember that specific time. You told him all about your attempts to annoy Lily. Then it hit him, you weren’t pretending.

“Anyway, I thought better give it back to you.” Lily said, walking a few steps and then stopping “You know? Whatever happened between you two, I’m sure you can work it out. You looked happy together, both of you.” and with that she left, Marlene waited for her at the end of the hall as they disappeared in the distance together.

He didn’t want to bother you anymore, getting rid of the bracelet he gave you clue enough to know you didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. He blinked fast, his vision blurry for a second as one tear fell down his cheek. Why was it so hard?

You were friends! You were one of his best friends. He trusted you and that’s why he asked for your help, you knew him better than most, you were used to being together, so what changed? You had kissed before your deal, held hands, hugged, every couple thing you did you had done before. Why was he asking himself what changed? He didn’t like you in that way, he told you so. Or did he?

“I’m so sorry.” your voice snapped him out of his trance, his eyes sad as he stared at you. Your hair was messy, one of your biggest and comfiest sweaters thrown over your head in a last minute manner, the scarf around your neck coming undone as you flopped won the chair. “Jamie?” you asked at his tranced state, his eyes snapping up at yours. You called him Jamie. “You okay?”

He felt all the color drain from his face, a bucket of cold water thrown in his face as he stared at you. When was the last time you had called him Jamie? When was the last time that you two had sat down and just chatted about life, that you made sure he paid attention in class and he made you get out of your room? When was the last time he heard you laugh, yell or muttered under your breath?

“James.” you called again, his eyes focusing on you before he jumped from his chair and left.

You were tempted to call him, but Madame Pince was giving you a dirty look already. You stumbled to your feet, gathering yours and James’ things as you ran out and after him.

He was walking aimlessly, his entire body and mind panicking. He could hear you calling his name, your hurried footsteps sounding closer and closer as he ran down the stairs, walking outside into the courtyard as the cold air hit his face.

“James,” you gasped, joggin all the way to the fountain to drop your things there. He was pacing, breathing short and rapid as he looked everywhere but to you. “James!” you called louder, getting no response from him “Hey, hey!” you said, grasping his shoulders “Talk to me.”

He took several deep breaths, holding your gaze and realizing he hadn’t looked at you, actually looked at you in the eye for far too long. “I’m an idiot.”

You frowned, your face contorted in confusion as you let your hands fall from him “Am I supposed to deny it?” you asked “‘Cause we both know I can’t.”

He chuckled “You still joke.” he said with a smile, running a hand through his hair as he turned his back to you.

“I still joke.” you repeated under your breath, looking at him “What is that even supposed to mean?”

If someone told you what was about to happen next you would have never believed them. No one, not in a million years could have prepared you.

“All this time I took you for granted. Thinking you were my friend, that this was supposed to be the way friendship works with you. I always knew it was different, never felt like Pads or Moony, but I took it because you were a girl.” he let out a breathy laugh, turning to look at you “Never felt like it did with Lily.” he muttered.

You hugged yourself, avoiding his eyes as you looked down “I get it, we’re friends.” you said in a whisper “You made that clear.”

“No, you don’t get it.” he said, making you roll your eyes tiredly, sitting in the brim of the fountain “I took you for granted.”

“I heard you the first time.” you said bitterly, looking at him with the same bitterness in your eyes “Look, James. I can’t be your friend anymore. I just can’t.”

“I don’t want you to be my friend.” he said, and you swore your heart shattered again. Lowering your face to avoid him seeing the tears gathering in your eyes, you wanted to say something Gee, thanks or That makes two of us but you didn’t trust your voice to say that without cracking.

“I never knew what love felt like until you went away.” he said, your heart stopping inside your chest.

“What?” you asked, voice trembling as you lifted your eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” he sat down in front of you, eyes wandering to your hands as he hesitantly took one in the warmth of his “I hurt you because I’m an idiot and you deserve so much better, so much better than an oblivious fool who doesn’t know what he has until he loses it.”

You tried to make sense of all the things he was saying but nothing made sense. “James...I-I”

“I love you too.” he blurted out, watching your every move, every twitch, anything that could give him an answer.

“No.” you said suddenly “You were pretending, remember?”

“That we were together.” he explained “But I’ve always cared about you, everything I did was because I wanted to. And yes, maybe Lily was there but I would’ve done it anyway, all of it.” his voice lowered considerably, watching you in your frozen state “I liked Lily because of the chase but I love you because it’s all I’ve ever known with you. I didn’t even know, everyone else did but not me. Two weeks of not being with you, not listening to your laugh, your jokes and your yells. I’ve missed the way we just exist together, going out and having fun. I missed playing with your hair, and you getting mad because I get it all tangled, I miss going to honeydukes and watching your eyes go wide as you don't know what to pick. I miss hugging you after a Quidditch match or after a long day.” he sighed, out of breath “I just miss you.”

You let the words settle in, processing every word and every thought as you stared at him in a blank state.

“I know I hurt you. I don’t want you to forgive me just because of all I’ve said but please, just please don’t hate me.”

“I don’t hate you.” you said in a low voice “I never did.”

“You didn’t?” he asked in disbelief, and you shook your head.

“I could never.” you told him with the smallest smile. You looked up, the stars shining in the sky as you let out a breathy laugh “Come here.” you muttered, opening your arms as he practically jumped to you, wrapping his arms around your waist tightly. Your arms hugged him, going over his neck as you sat closer than ever. One of your hands raised to the back of his head, running your fingers through his hair as you turned your face, placing a soft kiss in his cheek.

You don't know how long you stayed in each other's arms, at some point your head nuzzled in the crook of his neck as he held you close. The cold air hitting your faces.

“You kept my scarf.” he said, you tried to deny it as he smiled “It’s mine.” he picked up the end, showing you some loose threads and worn fabric “I recognize it.” he said. His eyebrows raised, letting go of your hand and reaching to his pocket. He moved back slightly, pulling the silver bracelet and holding it up for you to see “I believe this is yours.” he said.

“Sirius gave it to you?” you asked, his hand coming around your wrist and placing it over his lap.

“Sirius?” he asked, fastening the bracelet around your wrist “Lily found it.”

“Lily?” you asked, clearly both in confusion with the mix of names “I asked Sirius to take it.”

“And apparently she found it.” he said, holding your hand in his “Are you sure you don’t hate me?” he asked again.

“I don’t know, do people who hate each other do this?” you asked, your thumb brushing along his cheekbone, leaning in slowly and capturing his lips in a slow kiss. He moved closer, both of his hands cupping your face as he deepened the kiss, the smile that grew in his lips mirroring yours. He slowly broke the kiss, eyes closed as his forehead rested against yours. He opened his eyes and met yours, shining with bliss as his smile grew wider.

Your heart no longer felt shattered.

TAGS:

@fanficflaneuse @nebulablakemurphy @lupins-sweater @accio-rogers @gloriousrebelrunaway @slytherinprincess03 @not-today-anxiety @iwritesiriusly @trinimalfoyyy @haphazardhufflepuff @deafgirltingz @remmyswritings @peeves-a-legend @yourssuccubus @it-was-three-am @pamelalur15

If your name is like this it means I can’t tag you :(

P.S. At the end, the rest of the Marauders were watching James and the reader from one of the towers, they were so anxious that at some point Sirius yelled KISS HER YOU FOOL! and that he did. Their cheers could be heard all over Hogwarts.

#Shattered #James Potter #james potter x reader #james potter x you #james potter x y/n #young!james potter #james potter fanfiction #hp fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #marauders era

826 notes · View notes

myuntoldstory · 3 years

Text

saeran after end after thought

it took me a ducking month and some change because i had to farm hourglasses. when i started playing i kept getting the bad ends and i got so frustrated i didn’t touch the app for two weeks. i had to consult a guide to finally reach the end.

i wanted to play this because i needed to see where jihyun ended up and... well... we all know what happened there. anyway...

i have many thoughts and feelings about this ae. i don’t know if i can ever properly organise them, but i’ll put it in bullet points for now. this is my personal feelings, not any kind of fact. i have nothing against nearly anything and anyone (character or real) involved in this game. i’ll always love and appreciate them for being in this game, for creating this game, for giving us something to love for the past four or five years.

these thoughts are rather unfiltered. this is me coming out hours after finishing the ae. i might change my mind after letting it marinate for a while and after reading up some more about it.

it’s all under the cut. it’s long and rambling. there’s no need to read this, really; the ae is a month old after all, but i just needed to get this out. also, it’s salty as hell. literally saltier than the dead sea. it will dehydrate you... best to not bother with this.

also spoilers.

1. during the first playthrough the game mechanics were wonderful, novel, and immersive. but years later and for the sake of an ae? unnecessary. it’s too long. it’s too much work. i did my due when i played the game during ray’s route. why do i also have to work for something that should have been my reward? why do i still have to worry about hearts, choices, and game branches? why do i have to go through multiple endings? it’s an after end. it’s after the ending.

of course i love new content, i love more content, but not like this. and i know i sound super entitled. if i was impatient i should have justt read the wiki, but i wanted the experience, but not this specific experience. lucky it’s the pandemic and i have more time on my hands, but in normal circumstances my life is very different from what it was in 2016. i can’t be waiting for chats and making plans around it to get to the after ending. honestly i expected something like the secret ends or even similar to the style of jihyun’s ae... but no. apparently, chertiz thinks it’s fun to make us spend three and a half days to reach an AFTER END.

2. saeran choi needs love... but, in my opinion, not ours. not mc’s. the love he needs is his brother’s. the person he needs most is saeyoung choi. he’s suffered so much, endured many things no person should ever endure. of course he deserves romantic love, but i feel like he needed to recover first. that’s why after all this im firmly in the very bare, maybe even empty camp of preferring secret end saeran choi over ray route saeran choi.

3. never in my life has a game made me exhausted about the act of forgiveness. i feel a little sick. it’s terrible to say that, i know, but i am just so emotionally exhausted. there is this heavy feeling in my chest that makes me want to cry because i feel like i somehow destroyed a part of myself?

first it’s the saviour in jihyun’s ae. it’s still her in this ae. but in addition to that there’s also the prime minister? when does it stop? at this point we might as well forgive the twins’ mother too. she imprisoned her own sons to benefit from their father; beat the shit out of and starved saeran to the point that he wanted to die, but there must be a reason behind it, right? like all the villains in this game her choices are not her own; they are the product of their circumstances and we have to understand that.

i just... i understand what cheritz is trying to convey here. and granted saeyoung is not as forgiving, but this isn’t his story. it felt like the forgiveness was nearing some extreme by the end of it. i don’t think there’s anything wrong if you’e unable to forgive. if the only way for you to move forward is to not do so i feel that’s valid. as long as you’re not hurting anyone and that you’re not hurting yourself, you do whatever you need to recover. forgiving is not the only way, the noble way. not everyone’s backstory you have to understand and take into consideration in order to move on. even if they realise what they did was wrong, it’s okay not to forgive. sometimes that’s what we need to take care of ourselves.

im rambling on this point, but im going through this currently. it’s not as extreme as the choi twins or the rfa, but all my life i’ve been forgiving and understanding and it chipped away at me. even at my expense i forgave everything and it landed me in a place im struggling to get out of. i needed justice and this ae didn’t give me a bit of that... at least not in the way i needed.

4. cheritz said this is the grand finale, but... it didn’t feel like it? again this is me being entitled, but i expected something more. something bigger. something poignant because after this mystic messenger is over. i expected some kind of epilogues in the form of story modes. of course i appreciate everything the company has done, especially the efforts of the writers, artists, voice actors, and everyone, but... it’s so rushed? it such a short farewell that instead of getting catharsis and satisfaction i felt... drained. and i feel sad that it’s all over because im not ready to say goodbye and that goodbye is far too short for me.

i don’t know im just sad it’s all over.

also, the conclusion they come to is the dissolution of the rfa once everyone found their happy ending. i... this is a group that has been through some shit and that doesn’t make them closer somehow? the rfa app lies neglected and abandoned as everyone moves on with their lives? that is so... lonely? at least for me.

i mean, of course, not all endings have to be necessarily happy in the “everyone gets together once a week for dinners” kind, but i just... i dont know i expected them to be closer somehow. maybe they are. maybe outside the app they’re all closer, but... i don’t know. i feel sad they’re abandoning the app.

5. and then there’s kim jihyun.

and im... i dont know anymore. if you know me, follow me, or have read any of my fics you know im a jihyun fan. i love that man and YES i know his sins. we all do.

as i played the ae i started to hope that he’d die in the end instead of suffering through this egregious character assassination. yes, i literally preferred that he died and that i go through that pain instead of suffering whatever this is. obviously i dont want him to die, but this is like killing him anyway. they killed the essence of him, who he is as a person. hell, they probably killed him already and just installed a stranger in the ae because that v is not our v. all throughout the game he’s been kind and compassionate and selfless. his whole thing is about protecting the rfa, the mc, saving the saviour, and sacrificing himself for them. this is the idiot who gives you his hearts when you’re being actively nice to his abuser and saeran in his route. his ultimate happy ending involves everyone being happy, reunited, and given the proper mental care. he went away for two years, putting a much needed pause in your budding relationship, not only to recover from his trauma, but also to rescue saeran and help him recover too.

yes, v enabled the saviour even before another story. he lied. he put everyone in danger. he’s reckless and he keeps secrets way more than what’s natural. but he will never let any of them come to harm. my memory is fuzzy but im sure he never lets the rfa get in danger. he was devastated when yoosung got injured. he also tried to rescue seven and mc in the secret ends thats why he got shot. this guy always looks out for everyone.

in what world is he okay with drugging the twins? making deals with the villains? the idea of trapping the twins in the saviour’s delusional, twisted family life? he’s not the type to be okay just standing there when his best friend’s life is falling apart or for even causing it. when zen, jaehee, and yoosung get backed into the corner he wouldn’t have been just idle. but in this ae all he does is play stacking chairs, buy strawberry yoghurt, and echo the saviour’s words like a puppet. he asks only mc to save herself and like... jesus christ he never gets a break. he doesn’t even get the same gesture of forgiveness everyone and their father gets. he goes through a trial and jail, which is fair enough, but he’s also a victim of abuse and suffering and despair and mental illness. but somehow because it’s v it’s okay that this is all he gets. somehow he doesn’t deserve any compassionate resolution.

literally the only time he’s happy is his route and after end and even then that happiness is not his own. even then there were concessions to be made before he could get it.

seriously. it seems like cheritz hates him. they think little to nothing of him. if that’s the case why even make content for him? he’s not even meant to be romanceable in the original stories. they could’ve just ignored the petitions and left him as a side character. i mean, i dont know if i prefer that honestly, i do appreciate the content we got, but as his fan it hurts to see all this half-hearted decisions. and to see all this hate still pouring out for him, now magnified because of this ae.

this is like a tiring odyssey, starting way back when he got shot and killed all because he loved someone. he loved the wrong person and it’s the wrong kind of love and he committed his crimes because of it. he had a hand in making the rfa and mc suffer, but still all he did was love. and i know that sounds blind and naive and ignorant and im sorry for not picking up the nuances of his relationship with the saviour, but that’s all i saw. i saw a guy loving the wrong person and it made him make all the wrong choices leading to a bad life.

gah. i am drained people. i am drained, and frustrated, and tired.

#jihyun kim #mystic messenger #tag this please #im sorry for this #i dont know why im apologising #i guess for my thoughtless rambles #it became a rant #this is all unfiltered #dont bother reading im just ranting #ive had like an hour sleep today because reasons #anyway thats not an excuse or anything #ANYWAY these are just stupid thoughts #i had to let it out

19 notes · View notes

restinpeacesensei · 3 years

Text

@thatlittledandere

HWAAAAAAA;;;;; THANK YOU FOR YOUR TAGS IM CRYING;;;;; 😭😭😭 i wish i could like tags so you know i saw them bc i refreshed at like the moment you posted these and i just dissolved sob sobbb;;;; 😭😭😭 thank you for my life this week;;;; \T~~~~T/

#*waluigi scream* wwwAAAAAH #ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE 'JUST OPEN AND HONEST COMMUNICATION BUT WITH REALISTIC AWKWARDNESS AS A SIDE DISH' COMICS I LOVE #it's a;; difficult conversation but THEY'RE HAVING IT!! and being respectful as always #😭 #oh god i. i feel this. i feel this in my bones #the mortifying ordeal of being known etc etc #loving all the swear drops all throughout this #and the little flower-cloud-things in the last panel!! adorable #blushing lines even in the speech bubbles shjhfdg you why know how to use effects #panels three and four?? parallel blushing. mmm the cinnamon tography 🤌 #i almost know how to comment on layout #anyway!! even more progress in this saga #even more HUGS #a bitch can never have enough hugs (it's me I'm the bitch)

WALUIGI SCREAM WWWAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! \;;-----;;/ (OKAY BUT AFTER WHAT YOU TOLD ME ABOUT MARIO HATS LAST TIME HOW DO I NOT PICTURE YOU AS WALUIGI NOW?!!) AGVHSDGD TH;;; THANK YOU ;;;;;; 😭😭 it means SO much to me that you like seeing these conversations anD that the awkwardness comes across as realistic!!! if there’s anything i want, it’s to be real and human, to express through creative work what it is to be a real person, to feel like and be treated as a real person through it... so it means a lot to me that it comes across as honest and real to you, thank youuu;;; 😭😭😭 ALSO HONESTLY IT IS AWKWARD. idk there’s this association of awkwardness with teenagers and then when you grow up you’re “supposed” to be, idk confident and assured or whatever, but like it’s still awkward to have this type of conversation as an adult and/or if you don’t do it often lol... probably it gets easier over time but you still don’t know how every person is going to react and how to adjust for that ;;;

YEAH IT’S ;; a difficult conversation ;; thank you im happy that comes across;;; T---T i swear just having it is the main part of the battle oTL but i also won’t have it unless i feel comfortable with the person first;;;; anD it means so much to me that it comes across to you as respectful!!! 😭 i grew up with the impression that.. you either Couldn’t talk about these things or else you could only talk about them in ways that were crude, mocking or otherwise made me uncomfortable, and i really want to portray.. a different way of approaching them, a softer more considerate way, and it makes me really happy people can feel that ;; \;;~~~~;;/

OH GOD. THANK YOU FOR FEELING IT ;;; THANK YOU FOR BEING ABLE TO RELATE ... my whole experience here is the mortifying ordeal of being known l mao (throws this in even though im not laughing bc you laugh when you feel awkward LOL;;;;) and like i don’t know why it feels this way bc when i see other people post personal work im just like. i mean it doesnt matter cause i dont know them at all, as with everyone else im just looking for stuff i like, so if it’s not my interest im probably not really going to think about them at all... (which is both reassuring and terrifying to me, since im seeking connection on a human level ;;) ...but everything feels different when you start to actually know a person and have to consider them as a person. the internet makes it easier to share things bc you feel like you’re at arm’s length from everyone... but it also feels lonely for the same reason ;; i want to be known.. but in a way that i feel safe. i keep sharing even when im scared, even when i feel like it hurts, bc im looking for that feeling of safety ;;; and sometimes;;; it hurts a lot;;; but when that feeling comes, it’s worth it ;;;;; 😭😭

THANK YOU IM HAPPY YOU LIKE THE SWEAT DROPS!!! 🥺 i am so delighted that you appreciate my effects agjvsf i Have to put in the anime reactions to get the feelings across!! (i probably think in anime reactions LOL) you noticed akoya’s little flowers omg i love how you called it a cloud that’s so cute 😭 im so happy i put them in ;; 😭 PARALLEL BLUSHING THANK YOU IM SO HAPPY YOU NOTICED THEIR MIRRORED REACTIONS IN PANELS THREE AND FOUR!!! 🥺 my cinnamon roll akoyas approve of the term cinnamon tography 👍 AND I AGREE you can never have enough hugs!!! 😭 THANK YOU your words are a warm hug for my heart 😭😭😭 i hope you get endless HUGS from whoever you want hugs from!!! \>/////</

#they're sharing a bed!! #NOT the first time at ALL but like. it looks so comfy it stood out lol #GOD that must be the SOFTEST MOST COMFORTABLE BED in the hemisphere #not that these two would accept anything subpar #anyway #akoya was feeling so embarrassed he had to get away from kinchan for a moment and still talked about it right after coming back!! #literally stronger than any US marine #'would i be more beautiful if i hadn't said it' no no no baby nooo no worries that has nothing to do with it 😭😭 #nothing more beautiful than laying yourself bare and vulnerable in front of those you care about (and who care about you in return) #kinshiro is adorable here #just a head #he holds

HAJVNSJJNDH IM SO HAPPY I WAS ABLE TO MAKE THIS BED LOOK SO FLUFFY IT STANDS OUT!!! 🥺🥺🥺 ty Also for remembering it’s Not the first time i feel continuity validation,,... THE SOFTEST MOST COMFORTABLE BED IN THE HEMISPHERE!!!! CRIES..... thank you so much for describing it like this, i feel like i will sleep the most softly and comfortably from now on.. im so happy i could make it look so soft and fluffy;;; 😭😭😭 “not that these two would accept anything subpar” AMVJHSGHD TRUE LMAOOO their combined standards are going to be next-level (except they probably aren’t well practiced in taking care of standard everyday tasks and would get tripped up by ordinary household chores LOL;;)

glvksjkd i like the idea akoya was so embarrassed he had to leave for a moment!! although Actually i had intended that he really did wake up cause he had to go to the bathroom agjkvjhsg then he just stood there agonizing bc he was embarrassed to use it after what he said bc it would feel.. embarrassing... g;ljkvhdfg i think he did eventually though ;; “stronger than any us marine” HE WILL TAKE THIS COMPLIMENT THOUGH!!!! 😭😭😭 THANK YOU!!! 🙏🥺

“no no no baby nooo no worries that has nothing to do with it” CRIESSSSS;;;; 😭😭😭 thank you so muchhh;;;; for reassuring him with such calming and soothing loving wordsss;;;; 🥺🥺🥺 ty for calling him baby criesss he loves it ;;; 😭 (avjhsgd did you Notice kinchan calling him angel though.... HE TRIED... to find a compromise between his comfort level and what akoya wants to be called LOL) thank you so much for reassuring him he is beautiful and knowing he cares for kinchan and is cared for in return w aahhhhh;;;;; 🥺💕💕

a;kvjsghd though tbh i;; i kinda prefer to focus on the feeling of safety and it being okay to be and share myself than the laying bare and vulnerable part OTL;;; i dont really like to think of it as being vulnerable bc in my mind that means there is risk, there can be hurt... and to me when im comfortable with someone and there is mutual care for each other, i feel safe sharing with them ;;

the feeling of being bare and vulnerable makes me feel sick and i dont like it... i have felt it nearly all the time for years bc just throwing myself out into the void of strangers makes me feel like that ;; and societal messages led me to believe that if i was scared or felt uncomfortable opening up, that was a problem with myself and i should do it anyway bc i was supposed to “get over it” or “be more comfortable” with myself... i am now slowly reclaiming my right to my own boundaries and seeking to create a feeling of trust and safety before i talk about anything sensitive. i have realized that i deserve to be comfortable and i am the one who decides who and what i am comfortable with.

THANK YOU FOR CALLING KINCHAN ADORABLE HERE WAHHHHH;;;; 🥺🥺🥺 just a head THATS SO CUTE WAHHHH;;; 😭 im happy people like bundled-up kinchan;;;; 😭 he holds!!! yes.. akoya is Safe he is okay;;;;; thank you so so much cries;;;;; it really means so much to me;;;;; that you were willing to talk about this THANK YOU;;; 🥺🥺🥺🥺💖💕💖💕

#reply #also sorry if this post is too long im getting paranoid of whether i said too much agvsfdfgdg

1 note · View note

dg-fragments · 3 years

Note

I never thought I’d fall for someone again but turns out I did and it’s really deep. We’ve been talking for almost a year now but just as friends and he doesn’t know I’ve caught feelings for him. I realised I’ve feelings for him when I’d get jealous and I feel like I don’t have the right to?? We have a really really really great bond, he can talk to me about literally any and everything. I can’t say the same but that’s okay I don’t wanna be selfish. he’s glad he has someone whom he can rely on and trust and he said that because I met him while he was at a very dark phase in his life and Im still sticking with him through it I’ve honestly gotten so attached to him that I’d put him above myself. he’s gotten played by girls twice and he got out of his second relationship a few months ago. Now sometimes I do think there’s hope for us having a future apart from just in my head bcz of the way he talks to me, hed send me cute things from time to time like a tiktok with “send this to the most beautiful soul you know” or tell me that I’m the only girl he regularly talks to. but then He was telling me bout this girl at his uni and I feel like he’s taking interest in her, he said “ she’s too pretty, she’s wayyy above my league, I’m not saying anything now but I’ll like her if she’s similar to me, if I can vibe with her, and if she has good humour” I have that with him but ig she’s too pretty thatShitHurtsSoooooo it literally physically disabled me for hours i mean maybe he’s just physically attracted to her but then if he was at all interested in me he wouldn’t ever take interest in her yeah? Be it physical attraction. Like yeah sure u see prettier people but u only have eyes for that person and you don’t have to force urself to; it’s natural what I mean is when U’re genuinely Into a person you effortlessly are all bout that person , right?? ( in the sense of emotional loyalty). he’s said I’m pretty but I feel like he maybe lied and fake complimented?? He has some toxic traits too but i never picked on them just to rub them on his face to bring him down. Instead I’m patient with him to grow out of it, like grow together. There r traits u have to be patient and traits u should view as a red flag and run. But I can’t watch him be into someone else, Its a shitty soul piercing feeling watching that person take interest in someone else, it wrecks me.I can’t afford to be this hurt, I don’t have in me to. we all deserve someone who’s sure about us and is all bout us. Now idk what to do,should I just cut him off? If I dont let this end now itll be like scratching deep into an open wound on a daily. I don’t wanna do one of those things where he went to sleep and woke up blocked, that’d be very immature and it’d be like I abandoned him so should I just be clear about my feelings for him before cutting ties so he knows why I cut him off?? Should I even cut him off at all, keep my feelings to myself to love him as a friend and bear with him be for someone else ? I don’t wanna lose him but more importantly I don’t to take away the emotional security I’ve given him and the only reason I hadn’t opened up bout my feelings earlier is bcz of how insecure I am bout myself, he’s good looking and girls chase him focusing on his physical attributes but that’s not at all why I like him and plus I don’t wanna get into haram relationship, I think that if people wanna date for physical benefits then they don’t respect u at all ( just my opinion). Idk if you’ll read this cz it’s too long but if u do I really appreciate it. Thank you

Oh well, I actually had to read it multiple times to make sense of everything. You've got quite a lot of stuff going on there and most of it isn't particularly very healthy for you. Firstly, I wouldn't advise you to put him or his feelings above your own and think that you have to be there for him, yes of course you'd like that but considering what you've described about him, it feels like its becoming more burdensome for you and yes I don't know him or his feelings but he might just be taking advantage of your emotional attachment. Besides, calling someone pretty doesn't exactly mean they love you or wanna be with you and you've yourself said that he's been considering other girls (even when they may be out of his league, which is just absurd) and on top of that, you also say that he got out of his second relationship just few months back. From this, at least I would be mindful in catching feelings or even remotely considering any possibilities, and yes you might say that we can't control our feelings and while that may be true, we can't always get what we want and not everything we want is beneficial for us. Personally, I don't think how can this situation be healthy for you. Yes, so you don't wanna lose him because he will lose the emotional security that you've provided him? I mean that doesn't even make sense, because you've gotta think about yourself here; if he was considerate about the emotional security you've provided him, you wouldn't really be thinking about all this. Then you say girls chase him because of his physical attributes and you don't, and I'm like how do you know they also don't wanna lose the emotional security that they think they provide him? Yes, you don't want to cut him off because that might come off as rude, and I don't really want to advise you to open your feelings to him because from what you've described it doesn't seem like he'd be interested, but I can be wrong for sure. And then you say you don't wanna be in a haram relationship, I mean like all of this isn't exactly right, is it? Like I'm not even sure what is the point of all this, and if you wanna make it right then I guess you'd wanna ask him to marry you but from what you've said about your situation, I wouldn't exactly suggest or even advise that.

I'm sorry I am not entirely sure what you were expecting from me and my apologies that I can't really be of much help here.

#asks #anon asks #answered asks #DGanswers #fragments-of-my-mind #relationships #what even #I have no idea what's going here #advice #not even sure what I said makes sense let alone your situation #I was contemplating not answering just because I was super confused #sorry I can't be much help #man this was long

13 notes · View notes

thetragicherointhestory · 3 years

Text

Honestly I took some time away to really boil to how I was feeling about your response to my reaction I guess and at first I was shocked because you've never actually send me pics like that with your stomach and cleavage but then I was hurt because I felt like you weren't taking my feelings into consideration, the picture made me uncomfortable and disrespectful to my relationship and you got defensive, started call me names and said that we wouldn't be speaking on terms If I wasn't okay with you sending me your only fans potential content. I was hurt by that chels, I really was so much that I ended up crying the night before because I honestly felt like I was going to lose you for a second time and how I always try to consider your feelings, and never call you names. To me it seemed like you were projecting onto me the frustration or problems you have with someone else, you'd been trying to pick a fight with me since the weekend I was trying to defuse by giving you my support the best I could to be in your corner and not come off as the enemy or to victimize you. I didn't appreciate you saying that I was the one sexualizing you when you're the one who send me the picture out of nowhere and I'm sure hunter would not have approved of you sending me that kind of photo as well.

You're my best friend Chelsea, I've known you literally since before we were considered adults. I don't want this to come between us however you really did jeopardize our friendship and you did over step boundaries and I just would like for us to move forward, move past this and get back to where we were but also have an understanding of boundaries I dont want any only fans content or things like that. Cherry felt really disrespected, she saw the hurt you caused me and honestly I was embarrassed for it, because I felt guilty and disappointed that someone I call my best friend for the past decade would just blow off the handle without taking my feelings into consideration as well as my relationship. I don't want us to move backwards, you don't know how much I've enjoyed getting back on track with you however your behavior and actions almost feel vindictive and hurtful which I can't understand, I accept your apology though I am still hurt.

#text #post #personal #about you #sphb #🥺

2 notes · View notes

tizravenkatthing · 4 years

Text

Spellbucks

A/N: Soooo hey, yep, not dead and this story is gonna continue! Sorry for the long wait and I’ll try my best to put out more Prinxiety and Logically on my blog but that’s besides the point.

This here is the bonus chapter featuring Prinxiety, the first conversation between Roman and Virgil! And after that I’m gonna be slipping in some Logicality.

Tagging: @peach-cake-slice, @peachflavoredcupcake, and @no-i-dont-have-a-gender

Enjoy~

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spellbucks Cafe (bonus chapter)

“Speaking of you, Hot Topic, I don’t think I caught your name?”

Virgil looked up at the tanned brunet, snorting at him. “My name?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m....”

Virgil grinned as he stalled, watching Roman’s anticipation increase as he waited. He held the silence there for a few more minutes before smirking.

“Not gonna tell you my name.”

“Oh, come on!” Roman exclaimed and Virgil could only snicker. “If I told you my name would you tell me yours?”

“No.” Virgil snorted and snickered even harder at how Roman groaned at his response.

“Oh fine, Mysterio, have it your way! I, in fact, will give you my name. Regardless if you want me to or not!” Roman huffed dramatically, puffing out his chest with a hand over it.

(Let’s just assume Roman knows a little bit about Marvel okay? Not that I know anything much about it.)

Virgil snorted at the nickname, rolling his eyes. “Go ahead then.”

Roman grinned and Virgil could swear he saw sparkles, “My name is Roman! Roman Prince!”

Virgil gaped for a moment before shaking himself out of it and covering it up with a snort, “No wonder you’re so dramatic. You must get all the girls this way.” What? What was he saying? He didn’t know!!

Roman gave him a look, “Unfortunately, I don’t have much of an interest in princesses.”

“Oh?” Virgil raised a brow at the man.

“Indeed! I have far more interest in.... Dashing princes, such as yourself.”

As Roman gave Virgil his billion dollar smile the emo blushed slightly and scoffed, turning away to hide the red in his cheeks. Little did he know that Roman was blushing a little too.

“Wh- Whatever... You’re not going to get me that easy Princey.”

Roman felt a pull of challenge at that, grinning. “Maybe not today but soon, my dark knight. What do you say dinner at 7 for a start, hm?”

“P-pfft, in your dreams.”

“Oh come on, just one date! Please?”

“No.”

“Oh come onnnn.”

Roman groaned and Virgil snorted, a grin on his lips as he watched Roman grumble. He took out his phone and noticed that it was time for him to leave. Well, hopefully Roman will stop pursuing him tomorrow. A guy can dream, right?

Putting away his notes and laptop he stood up, but before he left he felt a tug at his sleeve, looking to see Roman holding onto it.

“Y-you’re leaving already?”

“Yeah? I’m going home since you wouldn’t let me concentrate on my work.”

Virgil saw the image of a sad, kicked, puppy overlap Roman and he held in a groan, man how was he going to leave like this now?

“I’ll... See you tomorrow, right?” Roman asked.

Virgil looked at his face, the man who was so self-confident and dramatic before now giving him puppy eyes. He sighed, I guess it wouldn’t hurt anyone...

“... Yeah, sure Princey. See you around.” He said, gently prying Roman’s fingers off his hoodie’s sleeve before shooting him a smile and leaving the cafe.

For the rest of the time Roman was in the Cafe he was only sighing dreamily as he slowly consumed whatever he had ordered.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some time later a few hours before the Cafe closed...

Patton heard the tingling of the bell at the door and smiled as he checked the time. Right on time as usual. As he exited the back of the cafe he smiled as he saw his favorite bespectacled customer.

“Logan! Right on time as usual.” Patton exclaimed, he already had Logan’s espresso on hand as he walked towards Logan’s table.

The intellect smiled fondly as the bubbly owner approached and placed his usual order on his table.

“Good evening, Patton.”

“How has your day been? I hope your boss isn’t giving you more trouble...”

At the mention of his boss, Logan smiled, a little sadly.

“Well... Patton. Regarding that...”

Patton furrowed his brows, worried. “What is it, Logan? You know you can talk to me about anything.”

Logan gave Patton a stiff, but reassuring smile. “I have left that job today.”

A beat.

“WHAT???” Patton exclaimed in shock and Logan clapped his hands over his ears.

“C-calm down, Patton...!”

“But. Then. Doesn’t that mean you’re unemployed??? I mean, I’m happy you left because your boss wasn’t treating you right, but still!!! Didn’t you.. Love that job...?”

Patton felt bad, and worried, he was soooooo worried! What if Logan couldn’t find a good job? Or pay the bills?? He wanted so badly to help but, how could he do that??? Logan on the other hand was calm, trying to calm Patton down too.

“I... Admit I did feel an affinity for the line of work. However, the circumstances now has turned against my favor, thus, not allowing me to work as efficiently as I’d like. Hence, I deduced the best course of action was to leave.”

“But... But. How will you manage between now and when you get a new job?”

“It’s quite alright, Patton. I have taken in consideration of multiple possibilities that may require funds at unfavorable times. It is due to that that I have been saving for ‘rainy days’ as they call it. So I’ll be fine.”

Okay... Right. Logan was right. He’d be fine, he shouldn’t be so worried... But.. he really wanted to help!! Maybe he could hire Logan? He did need some help managing the budget.... No! Bad Patton! He has the right to decide for himself!

“Al-.. Alright. Sorry... So.. What do you plan to do now?”

Logan seemed to hesitate slightly before responding, “Well... I have to go job hunting soon and... I.. Do have an idea of where I’ll be applying. If the person in charge of that establishment is in need of my capabilities.”

“Oh? And where’s that?”

“It’s... A humble place.... Around here... That... I hope needs my accounting skills...”

“Is it the bookstore down the street? Humbee’s?”

“No.”

“Then is it the electronic store opposite?”

“No.”

“The convenience store then?”

“No! Ugh... What I meant was....” Logan looked to the side, as if not too sure how to say it and also a little... Embarrassed? It seemed like that to Patton. “.... I meant to say.... Will you consider hiring me? Patton? I assume running this place alone is no small feat and I... Figured you may appreciate some help...?”

Patton blinked once.

Then again.

“Are... Are you saying that....?”

“... Yes, Patton. I would like to work here... If you don’t mind for me to do so.”

There was a beat of silence as Patton stared at Logan in disbelief...... Before pouncing on him and hugging him.

“Oh my gosh, you wanna work here?!?!?? Of course you can!!! I’d love if you could work with me! Oh gosh, am I making you uncomfortable I’m so sorry!!! I’m just.... So happy you even thought of working here!” Patton smiled and he felt happiness in every vein.

Logan was surprised by the hug but couldn’t help a small smile as he hugged Patton back, chuckling.

“It’s quite alright Patton... And I hope this means I’m hired...?”

“OF COURSE!!!” Patton exclaimed, beaming so wide his cheeks started to ache a little, but he didn’t care. He could see Logan everyday now!! He was so happy!!!

Logan smiled as he watched Patton twirl around, “Thank you, Patton. Then I shall begin working tomorrow. What time do you usually set up?”

“Oh, 6am! Do you think you can make it?”

“Of course.”

Logan says with a soft smile and Patton couldn’t help but feel elated, his heart beating fast and warmth seem to spread from his chest to the rest of his body.

He felt a little like he was floating as he spent the rest of the night chatting with Logan before he had to close. And he swears he could feel his heart dance as Logan smiles at him as he bids him goodnight, thinking about how he’ll be able to see him tomorrow.

He couldn’t wait~

-------------------------------------------

[Previous] - [Next (Coming Soon?)]

#Spellbucks #prinxiety #logicality #roman sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #bonus chapter

88 notes · View notes

haikyupid · 4 years

Text

Frequently used emojis:

👍🤡🎂✅👌😃😚😘😊😆😩🤠😀😱😭😔🧙‍♂️😫😉😡🙁🤔🙃😗❤🥰😎😤 I hope these suffice I’m submitting over mobile because I dont know how to emoji other wise.

Why follow:

First and foremost I saw you write cute prompts with cute guys and I thought the request system was pretty neat. And correct me if I’m wrong because it wasn’t explicitly stated in the order but you don’t seem to mind making a fic Gender neutral or even doing a fic for male!characterxmale!reader which is something I really appreciate.

Reasons to start and stay:

I can’t for the life of my remember where I first saw Haikyuu I know I heard of it before watching it. It was probably as simple as earnest sport boys are hot so watch this anime. Still reeling on a single reason I stayed since so many of the guys are just so pretty or hot or both.

Why them:

Full disclosure I had no one in mind when I started writing this submission so most of my brain power is thinking of my favorite character right now. There is so many to choose from but upon further consideration it is Bokuto koutarou (as I typed his last name his first came up in the suggestion bar lol) he is so energetic and screenshots from the manga make him BEEFY he has my heart in his hands. I’m trying really hard to put to words what else is great about my sweet owl boyfriend something about his hair probably.

Letter to you:

You run a very cute blog and I respect your positive attitude even when you’re a user of this hell site. Hopefully it’s not presumptuous that you male x male reader inserts although it would be a lie if I said I don’t care if you do. I hate to seem rude but I hope I actually qualify for this lol I’d feel silly if I didn’t hop on this train soon enough.

I hope this is both sufficient and legible ‘cuz right now I want to thirst a bit over the runner ups for the KING of my heart. To gush a bit more on Bokuto I love art when his shorts ride up and the knee guards have some uncovered skin showing as I have a weakness for thighs TBH. I love the fukurodani boys Akashi and Bokuto are both beautiful, Nekoma has Kuroo the smug sexy noodle boy and Yaku who was this close to catching my heart. I’ll put an end to this here and I hope and pray this all makes sense English is my first and only language but I am not a smart man if I am to be honest.

NOW PLAYING ◃◃ ❙ ❙ ▹▹ CHANGE MY MIND

for bokuto — when his heart long for yours. when your laughter and words evoke a feeling so foreign, yet he welcomes it as the flutter in his stomach continues to intensify. when thoughts of you cloud his mind, leaving him staring blankly at the ceiling of his bedroom wondering if you’re doing the same. when he screams into his pillow at 2 in the early mornings, as the feelings overflow and threaten to burst at any given moment.

ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.

Perhaps it’s the glow of the sunset that makes your features stand out with a tint of gold that makes it hard for me to look away from you. Maybe it’s because of my tendency to want to be surrounded by loud noises that I end up intently listening to you speak, as the two of us walk along the quiet neighborhood with only the muffled sounds of sputtering engines accompanying your voice. It could be that your smile is contagious, and I find myself laughing along with you every time.

But there has to be a reason why I always find myself wanting to be near you- no, to be with you. But what is it? Why am I always longing for your presence?

“Bokuto.”

My eyes go wide from your sudden call of my name. I gulp, and I hope you don’t notice the nervous lump on my throat. “Yeah?” I curse myself as the word comes out in a tremble.

You tilt your head. That’s all you do, but my heart feels as though it’s intoxicated by you, and it suddenly hurts. My heart thumps louder than ever before.

“This is me.” You gesture at the familiar front of your house.

I find myself paralyzed. I can’t move — I refuse to move. I need to hear the words I’ve been longing for you to say to me; for you to say the word ‘stay’ with your lips no longer curved into a smile of farewell, but one that invites me in.

I feel my fingers twitch in an attempt to grab a hold of you and beg you to explain the feelings that continue to beautifully haunt my every waking moment. You should know, you’re the cause of it.

Please, tell me to stay. Then tell me that you crave my presence like I do with yours. That your soul feels lost when you’re not with me. That you want me to hold you in arms while I confess the foreign feelings that I have for you.

“Stay,�� I say all of sudden. Shit, shit, shit! Please don’t think I’m weird. Damn this mouth of mine that never shuts.

Silence dawns upon us. It’s awkward, at least for me it is. I can’t bare to meet your eyes — I don’t know if I’ll be star-struck like before, or become too flustered and run far away from where we stand.

You finally break the silence with a: “so, are you going to say something?” You end the sentence with a lighthearted chuckle. You always knew how to lighten the mood, to lessen the awkwardness that I seem to always bring between us. Maybe it’s one of the reasons why you draw me in, like a tidal wave that leads you to a sea of happiness— and I wish for nothing but to be pulled in.

It’s now or never.

I huff in, my chest puffing out as it would in confidence, except I’m doing my best to feint mine. “Please, ask me to stay!” I don’t mean to scream, but the feelings that bubble up inside continue to intensify. I’m afraid that I can only speak ‘shouts’ at this point.

Please, please, please say the word. I need to know if you feel the same. I don’t think I can handle this foreign feelings any longer — I’d burst. So please, say it. Say that you want me to be with you a little while longer. Ask me to stay with you, and tell me… that you love me.

I search for a sign that blatantly tells me that my thoughts are wrong; but as you smile at me differently — one no longer meant for farewells — I find the gears that connects through my heart and mind finally working, and I now know— I now realize that these ‘foreign’ feelings are derived from the love that I feel only for you.

“Stay, Koutarou.” My heart finally bursts.

NOW PLAYING ◃◃ ❙ ❙ ▹▹ NEVER ENOUGH

for bokuto — when his lips linger on yours just for a split second longer than usual, and his mind is suddenly clouded by you and you only, disregarding everything else that was, and comes to mind. when his arms wrap around your waist like a man starved of your presence, but gentle enough as though he wants to protect and cherish you being in his grasp for as long as life allows him; and when his expression perfectly conveys the pure love and adoration that he feels for you, because to him, words are simply not enough to describe it.

ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.

“Koutarou…”

Your voice puts me in a hypnotic haze, one that I want nothing more but to be surrounded by, every second of the day. It doesn’t matter if it leads me to danger, if the true meaning behind your words hide behind a sweet facade, you could coax me to do just about anything with those words and tone of yours.

“You need to leave now.”

Everything except that.

I feel the strings of my heart tug harshly from one direction to another. How is it that your voice, so sweet and alluring like pure honey, is able to produce words that elicits nothing but hurt from within me?

My heart agonizingly aches, yet your smile — that damned smile of yours that I’ve loved and yearned for years — shows nothing but amusement. How?

Do you not love me enough? Am I not worth your time? Do you want me to leave that badly? Have I done something wrong to make you say those—

“Kou,” your hands find itself on each side of my cheeks, cupping it in the most gentle caress only you can convey, “if you don’t leave now, you’ll be late. Akaashi and the team will start worrying, and they’ll end up spamming my messages.”

Oh.

The cooling relief that rushes through my racing heart and mind greatly contrasts the rising heat that climbs from my neck to my flushed cheeks. Can you see the effect you have on me?

Could you possibly blame me for reacting this way? I love you too much. I wouldn’t mind having my heart ache like this if it means that you’re the cause. I won’t have it any other way.

“I’m sorry.” My eyes close, and I instinctively kiss your lips. I hope that through it, you’ll feel the love that overpowers every other emotion that I’m meant to feel. Every responsibility other than deeply loving you being disregarded in mere seconds.

For once, I let my lips linger longer on yours. You don’t pull back, and I hope you never do. If only time will allow it — could we stay like this forever?

My lips are close enough to feel the small tug on the corners of you lips, indicating a small smile is forming. This is familiar, as it’s often followed by a gentle push by your hands that rest on my chest and a “go, you’re going to be late” — but no; this time, you close the gap in a rushed and delicate kiss.

It doesn’t even last a second before you pull away. I long for more. “Please,” I beg you once more.

“No,” you chuckle and suddenly, everything in my vision becomes much brighter and colourful, “you’re going to be late for practice. Just go, and I’ll give you more when you come back.”

“You promise?” I know you always uphold each one, but hearing you say it makes it that much more meaningful to me. A reassurance that I’m the only person to make these kinds of promises with you.

The sides of your eyes crinkle as you grin at me. “I promise,” you say with a honey-like tone. It evokes a different feeling from earlier, this time, it’s warmth.

A breath of relief, one I didn’t know that I’ve been holding in, leaves my body. And as my chest heaves down, I feel the grin only you can make appear decorate my face, and suddenly, I feel like everything’s going how I want it to; as if the world’s on my side.

I love you. I promise to, for as long as the universe lets me. I’ll never get enough of you, in this life and in another.

0 : 00 ──────────♡─ E : ND

bwahahahhaha, i can tell that you most definitely write better than i do even if i haven’t seen an example — but, hopefully you still liked this one. i’m not good at writing at all and i’m not used creating them, but hopefully this was at the very least decent enough for you. forgive me if it’s not…

you’re so nice 🥺👉👈 also, ik we haven’t talked much like at all, but your personality, i love it! the ‘oh, howdy’ had me wanting to talk to you more 🤣 i haven’t been greeted like that in so, so long, i missed it so much. and you do not seem rude at all! ik i haven’t explicitly said that i’m open to writing for every gender, only bcause i thought it was supposed to be common sense? clearly i was being quite ignorant, so i’m really and deeply sorry about that. but yes, i try to cater my content for all genders, unless the requester explicitly asks for their gender/pronouns to be used.

THIGHS FOR LIFE, HECK YEAH! i loooove that akaashi scene where it’s angled from under him and we get a view of his toned thighs and i’m just like 🤤💛💛 yeah, so now i simp for kuroo and akaashi bcause i’ve seen their beautiful thighs; but when i tell you that i’m willing to do anything to get a peak of bokuto’s bare thighs from under those knee guards, i mean it ahahahaha!

#🎉 ; events ; 200 ; serenades of love #milestone event #bokuto kotarou #bokuto #bokuto fluff #haikyuu bokuto #hq bokuto #haikyuu #hq #haikyuu matchups #hq matchups #haikyuu requests #hq requests #submission

18 notes · View notes

ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is · 3 years

Note

(1/7) Hello! I'm trying to figure out my type. I've reached some conclusions, but don't completely trust my knowledge, so having a second opinion seems good. I'm not expecting enneagram typing because I'm still in my late teens and am not sure it would be clear due to semi-recent events. For complete transparency, I have sent in an ask before, but it was over a year ago and the answer was inconclusive.

(2/7) I don't always consider that others may be processing emotions and can get annoyed with them if they don't try to reason things out. I have been accused of being insensitive, which is probably true, though I try not to be because I dislike hurting others. I'm not good at relating to people or helping them through their emotions and I strongly dislike doing it, so I generally tell people that if they ask and, if possible, refer them to someone who is better at it and may help.

(3/7) I enjoy arguing about things that are totally irrelevant to day-to-day life (is water wet? is the standard example) because I like understanding the reasoning behind people's ideas, but I consciously try not to overstep bounds and will back off if I think they may be upset. I dislike certain arguments, because people start insulting the other person rather than actually understanding their position and countering it. If people do this or dogpile during a disagreement, I have a lot less respect for them. I will usually try to drop it if I dont think it's going anywhere.

(4/7) I'm not very consistent, even if I'd like to be. When I try to make a schedule or list to follow, it inevitably falls apart even if it shouldn't be hard to do. This is frustrating recently because I'm trying to keep up my grades because they matter to me, but it's difficult since I don't know where to start. I can care too much about some details. I usually spend too much time on an assignment after I've written it out, editing it so that it won't be misunderstood.

(5/7) I'm practical in some ways, but really not in others. If someone brings up something irrelevant to the topic at hand or I can recognize that an idea is unrealistic, I'll state that and try to refocus on the current situation. I cannot always recognize when something won't work, though, so I appreciate having someone there to point it out.

(6/7) I usually respect rules and will follow them if they make sense and I can understand why they exist. If I don't completely understand, I will usually assume I may not be privy to some information and reconsider unless I can actually find a fault in it. I'm not super active, though I love taking hikes and just generally walking/jogging. I like trying new things, but I don't need it and I'd rather the new things be safe. I've had a near death experience (2 technically but ehhh) and I really don't want another.

(you sent an ask indicating one thing may have gone missing and I think it was the 7th part).

-----

Hi anon,

I am actually kind of thinking ISFJ from this, which I know may sound weird to some, but I can explain why. I’m still not positive; I know this is your second time asking but late teens + your indication that for some recent developments regarding enneagram are still a time of significant change and in general I think revisiting your type every so often isn’t a bad idea. If you can direct me to what you asked previously, even though it’s been some time and you’re still developing I may be able to try and put it all together to see if I can come up with a type.

- I’m setting aside the first part (2nd ask) about not necessarily relating to people well, because relating to people well is frequently considered to be a hallmark of Fe. It’s more complicated than that but I’d like to go through why I changed my mind from Ti-Fe to Fe-Ti as I read through this.

- the 3rd ask indicates Ti - wanting to debate things solely to understand someone’s reasoning - but it expresses a considerable respect for boundaries a lot of high Ti users would miss, at your age. You’re also at the point of tertiary function development where you’d have the tendency to be fairly aware of your Ti.

-The 4th ask is kind of hard, to be honest, in that SJs tend to be somewhat better at scheduling, and so this is a case where examples might be good just to see if it’s a case of really high standards. The rest, however, fits high Si/ISFJ an over-focus on details (high Si) or trying to ensure you are understood (ISFJ).

- practicality fits with being a sensor, and recognizing that you don’t always know enough information to be sure if something won’t work tracks with Si, as does the part in the next ask about rules; the lower Ti serves as the driver to have some understanding of where they come from.

- similarly, “active but not like, especially so/in chill ways” and wanting new things but in a safe way fit with high Si.

So: regarding the first item, the truth is high Fe users don’t automatically have extra magical insight into other people’s emotions. It’s something they’re often more motivated to learn, but on a certain level Fe is about how others respond to you and not necessarily vice versa. FJs can actually be really guilty of projecting an idea of how someone should be feeling, without actually having that understanding. I’ve found that when an FJ realizes this is the case (or that they just don’t necessarily know in the first place) it’s often an SFJ unless you’re dealing with a reasonably mature person (ENFJs with good Se actually often are pretty good at reading people, tbh).

More generally you don’t sound much like an ISTP or INTP in writing style or desires; you want routine but are working on developing it, for example, vs most IxTPs who don’t particularly want routine in the first place. But you definitely sound like you use Ti in some way.

#mbti #isfj #Anonymous

4 notes · View notes

friendlylocalwhumper · 4 years

Text

a long reply to a long anon criticism. deals with race, and oppression as written in whump fiction.

here are a series of asks sent to me about an hour ago, raising a concern/issue with my writing:

1/? dude. i was reading your recent story where emory (a young, gay, black man) was beaten by the cops and i finally had to say something. all your stories where he sits there and worries about how his white boyfriend is the target of police brutality bc of some form of oppression YOU (a presumably non-black person) got to make up?? those have rlly left a bad taste in my mouth, but the one where you actually torture your black character to show how bad the white one has it put me over the edge.

2/? these are real issues. ig i was able to ignore you using systematic brutality as “a fun prompt to write about!” when race wasnt rlly a factor in your stories, but as soon as emory got introduced it became more and more inappropriate of you to twist these ideas. “wouldnt it be sad if lux got beat up just for being a warlock 😔” yeah. and his bf is black, and hes in danger of that every day.

¾ as bad as just ignoring actual brutality was, having to read a story where a young, gay, black man was graphically beaten by police officers for YOUR pleasure, for FUN, when it wasn’t even his race that put him in that position (which isnt even ur place to write abt for torture porn but at least its addressing a real issue) but the fact that he was mistaken as the class you made up and chose to make oppressed?? that was wildly inappropriate.

4/4 this isnt hating on your writing or whatever, so dont call it that and pretend its anything other than informing u of what you can and cant speak about. a reminder of your lane. these arent your concepts to play with, stick to a singular whumper or whatever and cool it on the police brutality since u dont know how to handle it (presuming there even IS a way to handle this correctly as a whump device, which im not convinced there is)

bonus/4 pls dont do the white person thing of just ignoring those messages or going “no its not racist. i know bc i dont think it is/ i say its not.” like. im just genuinely letting you know it’s inappropriate, and you dont get to say “oh its not! i didnt mean for it to be so its not!” so i would appreciate it of you would take it into consideration or at least address it

my response:

there’s some context that i think you’re missing, in terms of how lux’s world came about. i’m gonna try to explain it without sounding like i’m trying to veer off-topic.

the world in which lux and emory live is a dystopia. is it a dystopia because i enjoy thinking about, writing, and daydreaming about systemic oppression? no. oppression isn’t a trope that i particularly enjoy; it’s not, like, something i’m into, you know? the only reason that i set it up like this, with brutal cops and propaganda and general public hatred of this class of people, is because i needed an excuse for lux to get hurt often. i wanted to write him getting beat up, didn’t matter if it was by friends or enemies or assassins or aliens. just as long as i had some kind of general excuse, a plausible reason for him to get hurt as often as i tend to write. so i made a fictional society where people get hurt a lot. lux happened to have magic, thanks to the original prompt that inspired his creation, so i figured he could get targeted for that. that’s why lux, a white boy, is targeted for having magic, and why magic users are oppressed in the universe i made up.

i know that these are real issues. i am white, as you guessed. inherently, i will never truly know what it is like to be oppressed as a black man. i understand why this raised alarm bells for you, and why you felt the need to tell me about your discomfort - to stop my writing of these characters in this universe.

but do i agree with your point that i can’t write oppression because i am white? no. just like i think it’s okay for anyone to write sensitive topics like abuse, torture, conditioning, murder, and assault if they are careful and respectful enough about it. race is a super precarious subject matter, as it should be, because there is a lot of real-life suffering and fear tied into it. i don’t get to decide what’s racist and what’s not.

but i am not fetishizing oppression - or, at least, what i am doing is no different from what other whump writers dealing in sensitive subject matters do. i am utilizing fiction, which will always parallel real life in some way, to create a story that i enjoy writing and reading. i want to hurt lux, so i created a world in which i could do that. i try to walk the tricky line of writing diverse characters without just throwing characters of color around as if it automatically makes my content less white and one-dimensional. i also try my best not to give emory lines about his race, or give him backstory related to being particularly oppressed or privileged, because i don’t feel comfortable putting such words in a black character’s mouth as a white writer.

now for my last point: whump isn’t torture porn. just judging by your automatic wariness and word choice, i’m guessing that you’re not a whump writer. writers in this community are extremely careful. we tag excessively, use content warnings, and do everything we can to help readers avoid content they don’t want to be exposed to. we all know that whump entails the writing of torture, abuse, humiliation, gore, and many other things that, in real life, are terrible to suffer. that’s… kind of what whump is. there’s a general understanding, here, that we’re going to write such heavy things, employing something sort of like suspended disbelief, i guess, to let ourselves enjoy whump without stressing about the real-life parallels to the fiction.

so that’s my response to your criticism.

anon, i don’t really appreciate the fact that your last ask was a transparent bid to get me to publish your messages, but. well. i wanted to do my best to answer instead of just leaving these asks in my inbox.

#answered #meta #ocs #discourse

58 notes · View notes

certifiedceraunophile · 3 years

Note

Hi! I’m your gifter for the Klaroline Gift Exchange! I wanted to check in and tell you my idea and see if I’m on the right track for your gift. I’m thinking about the following: Historical human AU - Caroline is the daughter of a powerful baron. Klaus is an artist under the patronage of Caroline’s father. Highlights: a dark secret, angst, multiple murders, betrayal and revenge. Also, some smut to to take the edge off. Does that sound ok?

Alrighty so first off, may I marry your brain?? Utterly serious, no joke. May I marry it?

I mean dude—

Are you kidding me?? This is bloody perfect, so fucking perfect. I mean I feel like you jumped into my brain and just frolicked around a bit and were like *picks overly biased tropes/tags my brain constantly screams about like picking flowers* and then weaved a Garland with all those flowers and put it around my damn neck. I mean Ik I haven’t read the fic yet, heck the fic isn’t even written out yet, but like if I saw this description in the summary or tags, I’d dive head first for the work.

Historical Human AU, with a class difference between Klaus and Caroline, scandalous baby. I mean I dig.

Klaus as the Artist under patronage, honestly why aren’t there more fics with Historic Artist!klaus, it fits in perfectly.

Caroline the wealthy daughter of the Baron, yes ma’am I believe you are taking this in the right direction, especially if I get to see this class difference between Klaus and Caroline turn their love forbidden-y or secretive.

Ok just tell me this, have you and I had a conversation like ever in my life? Do we know each other? Because anybody who has talked to me for even like two minutes knows that this, this right here “dark secret, angst, multiple murders, betrayals and revenge.” Is basically what my custom Pokemon’s aesthetic would look like. I mean is it perfect? Bloody yes. But I’ll still unpack all of it because I’m ✨extra✨ like that,

Dark secret; alright so here’s the thing, love love love fics when either Klaus or Caroline have a nice snug close-to-the-heart poisonously scandalous secret no one should know about, but, (yes there’s a but) if this is a secret either Klaus or Caroline are keeping from each other, and it’s the kind of secret that in a honest trusting relationship the other would know about it, because it’s important and crucial information, and yet one of them keeps the secret from the other for xyz reason, the person who was kept in the dark should please throw a MASSIVE fit about it, not silently uNdErStAnD why it’s was kept a secret, or accept that some secrets are best left secret, but like be really angry that the person wasn’t able to trust them, and be hurt about it, Am I making sense? I don’t think I am, basically what I’m saying is if KC are bluffing to each other make the truth hurt. Please Dont let the forgiveness be easy. Make my babies pay. 👉🏾👈🏾🥺

But if the secret is just something Klaus and Caroline are keeping from everyone else or everybody else is keeping from Klaroline, or is basically outside of Klaroline instead of between them, go crazy, hurt my babies don’t hurt my babies, totally up to you. But thank you for this dark detail, I shall cherish it with tender hands.

Angst;

Ok Hi have you met me?

If no then here’s your answer,

YES

No wait like

YES

Gimme gimme gimme.

But, yes again there’s a but, (I’m so so sorry if I’m being very picky and hard to please not my intention at all, I just want to make things clearer for you, but at the end of the day you have total creative control, so like go crazy for me, I will fully appreciate it.) But back to the point at hand, I love love love angst between KC, I adore it, i mean KC canon or otherwise are not a flowery sunshine fluff couple, they’ve got problems and issues and are far too alike and way too different to even logically be together without constantly stepping on each other’s toes, I usually like angst when one of em fucks up and there’s a lot of grovelling involved, or angst due to conflict in between them, or angst due to misunderstandings, but what I do not appreciate is the abusive nature/toxicity/hurtful nature of the conflict or angst creating action forgiven easily, or not being dealt with, basically I want the closure to the angst to be reasonable to both characters, and no one is being a pushover, the Klaus and Caroline dynamic is built upon calling each other out, not taking each other’s shit and zero tolerance for each other’s toxicity, so I would very very much appreciate that to be included here.

Betrayal and revenge;

I mean ma’am you are waltzing straight up my alley and owning it like a mafia mobster, when I say angst, I usually mean conflict and what other better way to bring in conflict than betrayals and revenge. Oh the blood and the lies and the schemes, 10/10 ik I will enjoy, but I’d just like to say, that if betrayal in any way means infidelity, I will not enjoy it, fics with cheating in between Klaus and Caroline are squick for me, so please take this into consideration, and lest I sound awfully repetitive, like I said if the betrayal and revenge (conflict) is between KC don’t let them go easy on one another. And if the revenge and betrayal is not in between KC and with outside forces, just know that I appreciate it bloody.

Multiple murders;

Ok so I’m confused, are these sad murders, like good characters who are close to Klaroline dying, or douchecanoe asshats being hacked to pieces good fucking riddance murders, because like I usually don’t appreciate the former, when I say angst it means conflict (I’m really really sorry if I failed to mention that in the original assignment that was stupid of me) and not pure grief, it leans towards anger and despise and remorse and hurt more so than just grief, grief is a pretty straightforward emotion, there’s less room to play around with unlike the others I’ve mentioned, so please take this into consideration. So like if you’re killing off characters, please let it be Damon or Stefan or one of the eight hundred other dipshits in the Tvd universe, and please leave my other precious babies alone.

Smut; here’s the thing, I am constantly horny, like no shame, smut is my go to stress relief, I will ways always always ENJOY some good plot with porn, and the plot here is good, so the porn is just delicious vanilla (or not, iykwim) icing on top. So please yes. *insert audio of a person being very very agreeable during sex* please do so, I am absolutely one hundred percent behind, over and under this idea.

Thank you so so much for reaching out to me, I think you are going in the perfectly right direction, continue further down this path and you will make it straight to my heart.

I am again so so sorry if I sound lazer specific and am not giving you enough room to work with or to allow your muse to wander, please know you can always break and make a few rules of your own, this at the end of the day entirely your work, and I don’t intend to take your creative control from you at all, all I ask is please be mindful of the things I feel squick about. Other than that, all I can say is I cannot for the life of me bloody wait for this baby to come out, I am jumpy up and down excited, and I am again so sorry if this is putting too much pressure on you, not my intention, but this is like my first gift exchange ever so I’m extra screamy, anywaysss long story short, thank you so much for doing this for me, again sorry for writing you a whole ass Drabble when probably all you expected was a binary yes or no in answer, but like to answer your question, is this ok? If you haven’t figured it out already

Ahem

✨ YES ✨

This is perfectly and exactly ok, I love it already and I can’t wait to fall in love with it more, please continue to send me asks regarding this if you want something clarified or if you can’t make sense of the chaotic monstrosity above, my inbox is always yours to blow up.

All the love and peace and writerly inspiration in the world being sent to you.

Srishti ❤️❤️

4 notes · View notes

faeriesuns · 4 years

Note

i don't know if you've talked about this already, and don't feel pressured to talk about it now, (please delete this if its too uncomfortable!!) but how have you done recovery? im pretty sure i have disordered eating habits/thoughts/things, but i can't get help right now. what are some thoughts, actions and things that helped you? all the love. you are a light.

hi ive never talked about this before, so i might get a bit rambly,, its my bad habit :]

i am going to be honest with you, im doing this recovery thing all by myself, so im pretty much winging it. a couple therapists have helped but ive never gotten skinny enough for urgent care or inpaitent. one therapist has even reccomended for me to continue to lose weight before stopping at a healthy weight.

in autumn 2018 i was put on a medication with gaining weight as a side effect. I gained 30 lbs in 3 months and ever since then i have not been able to lose any weight- at all. Im 5'3 and around 145-150 lbs, depending. it ruined my already shakey mental health and i spiraled. it took a long time to come out of that hole. im still uncomfortable in my body and my body image hasnt improved considerably at all.

to be honest most days i dont even think im in recovery, i am just sick differently. i still count my calories and weigh myself obsessively. this blog is one thing that ive put a lot of myself into and following recovery accounts has helped.

what i try to do is first work on my mental health. im the best ive been since i was 14 and getting better has helped my journey on recovering. the next thing is hard for me to do, but every couple days i look at myself in a full body mirror and pick one thing about me to appreciate and maybe even love. for example, i love my legs because they help me walk and dance and skip and have mobility. then i try to think of one way to be thankful. i am thankful that i have good legs that can carry me wherever i go.

it's really hard and sometimes i cant do it, but it has helped me shape my thoughts around being kinder to myself. Thats another important thing- be kinder to yourself and your body. sometimes that means eating a piece of chocolate or a kitkat and telling urself that its fine and u deserve it. other times like when i just get out of the shower, i try to forgive myself for causing harm to my body. Try to forgive yourself. our bodies are a wonderful thing that gives us all life; please remember to be nice and caring to it. you wouldnt be mean to another persons body, would you? then why be mean to urself?? try to follow more ed recovery blogs for motivation to keep working on healing yourself, thats what i do.

i also allow myself to have snacks whenever i want, i eat usually 2 or 3 meals a day, with most of everything i eat being vegetables, fruits, rice, pasta, bread, eggs, almond milk, etc. But for my snacks i have cheez it's, peanuts, rice crackers, cookies, pies, chocolate animal cookies, etc. Allow urself to snack on whatever sounds good or that you have been craving!! i also eat a lot of frozen food like pizza, fish sticks, chicken nuggets, tater tots, fries, etc. i let myself have whatever i want and sounds good to my soul. i enjoy food a lot and its been a discovery what i like now, and to try everything i didnt let myself have before. but remember moderation, dont just binge on stuff!! it hurts ur tummy and its a health risk.

Oh and i try to love myself. i try not to be mean to myself or make snide comments, and im always trying to learn to love my body, even the parts that are major insecurities.

of course i reccomend getting professional help if you can, and as soon as possible when this virus is gone.

im sorry for being so rambly and not having a lot of tips or tricks for you :( im still making this up as i go, and these are just things that help me. it might not help much, but i hope it does help you.

i love u and u got this 💪 ^___^

#gracie talks #asks #tw ed thoughts #tw ed talk #tw ed recovery #tw ed #tw ed behavior #tw ed things #tw ed stuff #my ed story #im kinda nervous #to put this out here

18 notes · View notes

5-falsehoods-phonated · 4 years

Text

Mindful Confrontation

Written as a request from @heavy-metal-papillon who not only supplied the requested plot but creatively reconstructed the song Confrontation from Jeckyll and Hyde to fit the context of the story. This was a lot of fun to write, thank you for requesting it! I hope it fits what you had in mind.

Summary: Thomas' friends convince him to check out a new karaoke bar and encourage him to perform. Technical difficulties make improv imperative for the show to go on but can singing really settle the warring landscape?

Warnings: anxiety induced spiraling thoughts, if there are more please let me know

Ships: none

WC: 2, 389

The bar is loud as Thomas makes his way to an empty booth lead expertly by Joan and Talyn. Nerves twisted in his gut as he took in how large it actually was on the inside, the stage set up for karaoke sitting front and center with the tables placed strategically so no ones view would be blocked. He took a deep breath as he settled himself on the cushioned bench, reminding himself that he needed this.

It had been Joan's idea initially, taking him to a karaoke bar to loosen up after the stress they'd both been under lately. Supposedly they served good food and the regular performers were worth the watch.

"Sing if you want." Joan had said. "Everyones really nice and would love to hear someone new onstage."

Thomas glanced at them now, happily skimming through the menu and pointing things out to Talyn who nodded along as best they could over the noise. It seemed like the performing wouldnt be starting for a while yet...which reminded him...

"I'm gonna go sign up, be back in a minute." Joan looked up and smiled, they and their date mate giving enthusiastic thumbs up. Turning with a grin, Thomas straightened his shirt and made his way over to the side stage where a small line had already started forming.

-------

In the mindscape, Janus sat on the couch a little ways away from a pouting Roman, watching Virgil fidget endlessly with the sleeves of his hoodie and wear a literal hole in the floor with his pacing. Being in someone's head was an odd thing at times.

"You can't possibly expect us to do this! Theres so many people we dont know hear!"

"Wouldn't that be beneficial to us? There's a good chance this is the first and last time wed see any of them." Janus replied smoothly.

Ignoring him, Virgil continued on. "What if Thomas's voice cracks? What if the song glitches and he's left singing with no music and then it picks up and it'll be out of sync and he freezes because it's confusing and everyone laughs? What if we don't know the lyrics as well as we thought we did and the screen cuts out and we forget the song and everyone laughs? What if we try to move around and trip because the stage is unfamiliar and we fall off and break our neck and the last thing we ever did was sing a shitty song at a shitty bar and-"

"Everyone laughs?" Janus finished dryly.

"Why would someone laugh at our death? What are you trying to say you vile vindictive villain?!" Roman leapt from the couch making Virgil flinch as a samurai sword appeared in his hand to point at the deceitful side.

"Vindictive? The only revenge I'm seeking today is on whoever decided the shirt Thomas is wearing should be seen in public after having worn it two days in a row already."

"We were in a hurry and he barely wore it in those two days since he spent most of them sleeping! It's fine!"

"We already wore the shirt?! What if people can tell it hasn't been washed? What if someone sees the wrinkles and decides we're an unclean slob? What if-"

"Virgil! Breathe please." At the reminder Virgil began his standard breathing exercise as Janus poked the tip of the sword still pointing at his face and lowered it to a non threatening level. "And Roman, do keep waving around a dangerous weapon it totally isn't making Virgil's anxiety worse."

Grumbling Roman snapped the sword back out of existence and plopped back down on the couch. Sighing Janus tuned back into what Thomas was doing just as he was looking through the song list. A song leapt out at him almost immediately, making Janus send the suggestion quietly to their manifestor for consideration, smiling as it was chosen and they began walking back towards the booth.

"I believe you'll like the choice in song Roman. Perhaps you can vent a bit."

Raising an eyebrow Roman quickly concentrated to bring himself up to speed on what had transpired while he was sulking.

"A little on the nose isn't it?" Virgil paused his pacing at Roman's snide remark, tilting his head in question.

"Jeckyll and Hyde's Confrontation?" That's technically a duet right? How the hell is that going to work?"

"I'm sure Roman can manage. Unless he wants one of us to help?" Janus peered out from under the rim of his hat at the side on question who was currently scowling over at him.

"Why don't you both help sing it? That way you can both work out whatever it is you need to. Roman's good on stage and Janus...you know the musical right? Oh God you do know it right because if you just picked it at random-"

"Relax Fidget and Hide it'll be fine." Roman scowl turned smug at the word play that Virgil didn't bother responding to, instead shooting Janus a final panicked glanced before going back to...well...fidgeting.

------

Thomas fidgeted in the booth nervously, making Talyn glance over in worry.

"You okay? It's a pretty big crowd, you can still back out if it makes you nervous."

Thomas felt a sliver of false reassurance curl around his tongue, opening his mouth almost against his will as he smiled convincingly.

"I'm fine really. It is a big crowd, but I feel like this will be good for me you know?"

"Yeah man, you really need to get out more." Joan flashed him a smile that let Thomas know he was mostly kidding, which he appreciated. Breathing deep he reminded himself to thank Janus later. A fleeting feeling of gratitude that wasn't his own welled in his chest and he smiled to himself. Message recieved apparently.

The performers were great, some obvious regulars and some anxious newbies but the mix didn't dampen his enjoyment in the slightest. As the music swelled around him he felt himself relaxing, grinning as someone started in on an Evenescence song that he knew would appeal to his youngest side. He could imagine the emo sitting in all his glory wherever they went when not manifested in front of him. As they got further down the list however his nerves began to fray. Any moment now his name would be called and he'd have to go onstage in front of so many new faces and he'd done it before but that had been performances and this was a bar and-

"Thomas." He whipped his head around to see Joan pointing at the stage. "They called your name! Break a leg!"

Smiling nervously, he stood and quickly made his way to the stage, wiping sweaty palms on his already sweaty jeans to a smattering of applause as the audience realized the person who was called was about to go on.

Just imagine them naked. Impatiently he shook the Intrusive thought away and zeroed in on the blank screen. A tech worker jogged up to him and his heart dropped. Surely not-

"I apologize but we've been having problems with the screen lately and it stopped working for the night. You're welcome to use your phone or forfeit if you'd be uncomfortable."

A sudden surge of confidence had words spilling of their own accord, barely there panic twisting his stomach. "It's okay. I can handle it."

The music began low and he drew in a steadying breath, opening his mouth where he knew the lyrics started.

------

"The screen died? What kind of hellscape is this?! I told you, I said what if the screen dies though I guess it didnt happen while we were singing but still! Do you even know the lyrics?" Roman shrugged where he stood in front of the couch, unfazed by circumstance.

"We'll figure it out Nightmare on Emo Street, calm down."

"Figure it-what do you mean you'll figure it out?"

The music started and Roman simply took a stance and began to sing, the sorrowful tone matched by his deep base vibrating the mind scape pleasantly.

"It’s over now, from what I know.

This world’s not what it seems.

It hurts that he would stoop so low.

A fatal blow for one poor dashing Prince."

Janus raised an eyebrow as he sat up straighter. Improv. Impressive. Beside him, Virgil groaned and hid his face, seemingly content to wait out whatever horror he percieved this to be.

"They do not see my tragedy,

Do not see my intent.

The stain of this snake’s evil

Would forever kill the good we all had meant."

Janus narrowed his eyes as Roman turned to him fully, the intent and purpose of the lyrics clear to him now as the Prince lamented on.

"Am I a good man?

Am I a bad man?

Eternal question. But will the answer ever…?"

The last note lingered as Janus stood. Fine, he thought. If this is how he wants to play it, I'll give him something to kick at.

"Do you really think

That I would ever let this go?

Do you think without me he’ll be free?"

He smirked knowingly as Roman stepped back, twisting Hyde's words into something closer to himself to throw back.

"If you do, I’m sad to say

It simply isn’t so.

You will never block his life from me!"

Roman glared and stood straighter, sweeping his arm as if to banish the other from his sight.

"All that he needs is to look in a mirror.

Good, honest life – and you’ll disappear!"

"I was the one who did give him that mirror,

So, I’m afraid, I will still be here."

"All that you’ll do is make our life a nightmare,

All you’ll achieve is high self-esteem!

All that I wanted for him – to chase his dream!"

Janus grimaced as he caught sight of angry tears gathering in Roman's eyes. Hardening his resolve, he clenched his fists to glare right back, refusing to back down from what this simple karaoke had become.

"Will you ever catch it, friend?

This chase will never end!

His procrastination still goes on!

So, I want to stay,

No matter how you may object!

I can give him power to move on."

His tone begged to be listened to, pleading eyes catching the royals in an effort to make him understand. He took a step back as a sword was once again pressed alarmingly close to his face.

"Soon you’ll slip up and deceive us all over!

We can’t allow you to have control!"

"Roman, hold on, move your train of thought slower,

For all I know, we’re all parts of his soul."

"He doesn’t need you to live, like he needs me,

He can be whole with no selfish snake!

Getting rid of you will be a piece of cake!"

His staff materialized in his hand as he brought it sweeping down to catch the blade safely in its crook, slamming the tip down into the floor as he delivered the next verse.

"I’ll stay among you forever!"

"No!" Roman desperately tugged at his weapon, gritting his teeth as it refused to budge.

With a sweep of his arm the sword was free from the floor, twisting in the air before crashing beside the couch, staff now jabbed painfully close to Roman's face. "Keep in mind that I earned my seat."

"No!" Roman lunged, but Janus hooked his arm and dragged him to the side with minimal effort.

"And I’ll make it my new endeavor

To guide him and prove to you all that

I’m more than Deceit!" Stalking forward, the staff's crook was jammed under Roman's chin as he stared down at him backed into a wall, eyes wide but devoid of fear as he seemed to consider the words before shaking them off.

"Will you stop? It’s

Over now! It’s time to go!"

Roman grabbed the staff and yanked it sideways, making Janus lose his grip and stumble to come face to face with his adversary.

Smirking he bowed low. "Oh no, no, after you!"

"If I go you'll go too!"

"I’ll just shapeshift and I’ll be you."

"No! Deciet, leave him be!"

"Can’t you see? He needs me!"

"No! Stop this fight!"

"I'm his side! I won't hide!"

"No never!"

"Yes forever!"

"Give up, you snake! Crawl back to whatever hole you came from!" Roman shoved forward and practically snarled out his last line, towering over a fallen Janus.

"You’ll get there too, Roman." Hat swept somewhere unknown he simply stared at the other, chests heaving in sync as the anger finally eased, if only by a fraction.

A chuckle bubbled up in his chest, starting Roman who took a second to consider him before a grin split his face as well. The tension snapped as laughter filled the space between them, Roman doubling over as tears dripped down his face.

"What the hell did we just do?"

Janus cackled and shook his head. "Created a masterpiece that's going to raise questions I'm sure."

"Hey you morons, you do realize you had Thomas sing that right? You're weird venty improv was just projected to an entire bar!" They both looked up at Virgils outburst to see the side in question shaking on the couch, beside him a grinning Remus shoveling (popcorn?) into his mouth. Patton stood beside them starry eyed and smiling while Logan remained at the table with a questioning look that seemed to suggest he had missed most of the context for the scene in front of him. Janus and Roman spared eachother another look before bursting into another fit of laughter.

------

"Sooo....didn't know the song huh?" Joan asked curiously as Thomas sat down. At his head shake, they simply grinned. "The improv was seriously impressive though. Janus and Roman? Genius!"

Thomas grinned sheepishly as his nerves finally settled, his smile wavering as another set of emotions came forth he didn't recognize.

"Hey, you okay?"

A feeling of peace settled over him like a blanket of fresh snow, crisp and clean as his mind cleared for what felt like the first time in weeks. A genuine smile stretched across his face as he answered.

"Yeah. Yeah, you know what? I'm great actually." He sat back and relaxed, looking at Talyn and Joan in turn.

"I feel better."

This work along with other one shots is available on AO3!

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #ao3 #thomas sanders #janus sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #jeckyll and hyde

11 notes · View notes