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laurenandloki · 3 years

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Author’s note: I’ve been thinking about how Loki would act at a meet and greet, especially if he was a giant and what would happen if he met a tiny fan-...so here ya go!! Enjoy!😊

Oh! And before I forget to tell you all, this story is super long! I just couldn’t help myself ☺️

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~“You’re a Fan of Mine?”~

The 2nd Annual Avengers Meet and Greet had started at last!

The team had decided to start this event when Thor and Loki returned to Earth after Asgard was destroyed. More specifically, it was for the sake of Loki’s reputation. He wasn’t popular whatsoever among the humans, especially not after the New York attack back in 2012, but Loki really was trying to become a better person. Didn’t anyone ever hear of the phrase ‘people change’?

Loki just didn’t see the need of being in a room full of tiny mortals to show that he had turned over a new leaf. That’s right. Tiny mortals.

His body grew in size, letting him stand at 90 feet tall. No one was sure why Loki had grown to be a giant, but Loki did. He believed it was because of Odin’s death. The spell that Odin had put on Loki centuries ago when he found him as a baby must have weakened. Loki had grown to the size he was meant to be as a Frost Giant. Since he was the rightful heir to the throne of Jotunheim, he surpassed the rest of the Jötuns’ height by miles.

A room designed and built was given to him in the Avengers Tower. It was a library fit for a giant-..well, fit for Loki, in this case. Book shelves covered the walls with novels that towered over humans, but fit perfectly in Loki’s grasp. He even had his own personal desk and, of course, a bed that was covered in silk green sheets. The meet and greets were always held in Loki’s room only because it was the biggest spot in the entire tower.

After the first successful year of meeting the team’s lovely fans, more and more people found out about it and showed up this year. It wasn’t successful for Loki, though. The previous year, Stark had all of the fans stay out in the common area. So it was up in the air for anyone to go see Loki. He stayed in his room the entire time, waiting to see if one brave soul would enter his bedroom and attempt to talk to him, but no one did. The whole point of the event was for Loki to talk with at least one person!

At the moment, Loki was sitting at his desk in his room, staring down at Tony Stark, who was decked out in friendship brackets and necklaces that the children had made him. Loki rolled his eyes just looking at how pathetic he looked.

The rest of the team was spread out throughout the whole room. Fans were practically everywhere. Most of the fans were little kids and teenagers. The simple sight of the younglings made Loki’s head spin. He was practically glued to his chair, not wanting to get up and accidentally hurt someone.

If Loki had to guess, he’d say there were about 300 kids there and still, not one of them came over to greet him.

“Stark, I really don’t see what all the fuss is about. I mean, what even is the purpose of this ‘Meet and Greet’ you speak of?”, questioned Loki.

“Quiet, reindeer games. You know why we started the meet and greet. Just smile and wave at everyone. Even if you don’t want to be nice, just fake it. And don’t purposefully scare the kids! I can’t deal with a parent scolding me about how a giant god with raven black rock n’ roll hair made their kid cry just by smirking at them. That was a nightmare last year”, said Tony rubbing his eyes.

Loki scoffed. “Well it wasn’t my fault the child walked into my chambers when I was reading. Who would interrupt someone during a Shakespeare reading session?” Tony laughed at how sarcastic Loki sounded. “That must have been a real good Shakespeare book if you brought the kid to tears. Let’s see-..was it Hamlet?”, asked Tony.

Loki grinned. “No, I read that last week. It was Coriolanus”, said Loki, chuckling, as he looked down at Tony, who started to join in on the laughter.

After the laughing died down, there was a pause between the two of them. “Obviously nobody was interested in meeting me anyways. Not one mortal came in here last year to talk with me”, said Loki sadly. He didn’t want to admit it, but Loki really wished that he had a fan. At this point, he didn’t even mind if his fan was a mortal. Loki wanted someone who admired him for who he was and the good that he has been doing with the rest of the Avengers. He didn’t want to be known as the Asgardian who tried to take over the world anymore. He wanted to be known as someone’s hero.

“Loki, listen to me. I bet you one of these kids are gonna come up to you and say hi”, said Tony with a reassuring smile on his face. Loki began to fiddle with his fingers, uncertain if he should believe the small human in front of him. “And what if one doesn’t? Then what am I left to do? Sulk around and remember that no one in this city likes me?”, he asked sounding even more sad than before.

Tony sighed. “Hey, don’t be too hard on yourself. The event just started! Just be yourself, Loki. And I promise you that you’ll meet someone today”, he said. Loki was about to contradict what Stark had just said, but a group of kids that were standing on Loki’s bed started to chant the name, ‘Ironman’.

Loki and Tony looked over towards everyone. “Well, I guess I should get over there, huh?”, asked Tony. He looked up at Loki, who simply nodded at him and waved him off. Tony smiled and said, “I promise. This is the year you meet a fan of yours.” And with that, Tony walked over to the edge of the desk and tapped his arc reactor two times. He was wearing his suit in a matter of seconds thanks to the nano tech he had invented.

Loki watched as Tony flew over to all the kids, getting hugs from each and everyone one of them. ‘I need a miracle to get that kind of attention’, thought Loki to himself. He was back to square one. Loki was all alone again.

‘I knew this was a terrible idea’, thought Loki to himself as he watched the Avengers interacting with all of their fans. They all made it look so easy. ‘Why can’t one of these mortals at least say hi to me? It can’t be that hard’, thought Loki to himself.

Little did Loki know, a human girl named Y/n, who was around the age of fifteen, was watching him from afar on the large bed that was next to the desk that Loki sat at.

Rather than joining the other kids in awing at Ironman flying around, trying to learn fighting combinations from Natasha, or even learning how to properly hold a bow with the help of Clint, she was standing by herself, trying to muster up the courage to go over to Loki and talk to him.

She was a nervous wreck just thinking about what the conversation would be like. Instead of fiddling with her fingers like Loki was doing before, she clenched the hand-made plush of the God of Mischief she held in her shaky grasp. Y/n had decided to make it when she heard that the Avengers were doing a second meet and greet. Y/n finally had the opportunity to speak with Loki! She wanted to show him her gratitude for protecting New York with the Avengers and to tell him that he was her favorite amongst the group. So, what better gift to give Loki than a plush of himself!

She could have written something in a ‘thank you’ card or even decorated a poster, but Y/n wanted to make him something special that took time to put together and this plush toy was perfect.

The plush stood at about 1 foot tall and it was very adorable. Although Y/n didn’t sew on a green cape like she wanted to, she had gotten her hands on a piece of yellow fabric and turned it into a horned helmet. Loki was, without a doubt, going to love it, but Y/n kept on hesitating on whether or not she should give it to him.

‘Oh gosh. What if he laughs at me when I hand it to him? ’, thought Y/n to herself. She couldn’t stop shaking. Her legs were barely holding her up anymore. Y/n just pictured herself standing on the desk in front of Loki and how small she would look compared to him.

“Hello little one! Why aren’t you with the others?”, said a voice from behind Y/n. She jumped, dropping the hand-made plush onto the mattress below her.

She spun around to find out who had snuck up behind her and startled her. Y/n’s eyes widened as she looked up at the tall, blonde haired man. “M-Mr. Thor! I-It’s a pleasure to meet you!”, said Y/n excitedly. Her face instantly turned red. Y/n was very shy around other people, so her burst of energy she got made her backpedal into her shell. She knows for a fact that she’ll be stuttering if she gets to talk to Loki.

Thor chuckled loudly. “It is an honor to meet you as well, little one. Apologies for scaring you.” His eyes trailed down at what Y/n had dropped. His mouth dropped open in awe. He bent down and picked the plush up before Y/n had the chance to hide it.

As Thor held the plush toy in front of him, he admired the precision of the details and traced his fingers along the lines of the stitches. When Thor realized who the plush represented, he gasped.

“Young one, is this-...is this Loki?”, asked Thor, astonished that he was holding a hand-made toy of his brother. Y/n lowered her head down, embarrassed about the whole situation that was happening. “Y-Yes, sir”, she said timidly.

Thor stared at the small girl in front of him and then looked back at the plush. “This is absolutely incredible, young one! Did you make this?”, Thor asked as he stared at the plush toy, looking at it in amazement. He couldn’t take his eyes off of it! Y/n nodded, too nervous to say anything else.

“We must get this to Loki right away! Oh, he’s going to love this! Let me go call him over here for you”, said Thor cheerfully.

Y/n’s heart stopped at the mention of Loki coming towards her. She wasn’t ready to meet him yet. In fact, she wasn’t ever going to be ready! “N-No Mr. Thor p-please! D-Don’t!”, exclaimed Y/n.

Thor stopped jumping up and down, a frown replacing the happy smile he had on. “Whatever do you mean, small one? Don’t you want to give your gift to him?”, asked Thor. He was highly confused as to why the child didn’t want to meet Loki.

“I-I’d love to, b-but-...I’m scared that h-he won’t like it. A-And that he w-won’t like me”, Y/n said sadly. “I-..”, started Y/n. She stopped before she could say anything else. Y/n was afraid that she would start crying. Thor knelt down in front of Y/n, giving her a look that mentally told her to continue on with what she was going to say.

“I don’t have m-many friends. A-Actually, I don’t have any f-friends at all. Loki is the one person that I look up to and-...I just wanted to let him know how much of an impact he’s had in my life”, said Y/n. She bit her lower lip, forcing herself to not shed a single tear in front of Thor. “But I’m too scared to talk to him. I don’t want to look dumb in front of the Loki. I-I’ll be a stuttering mess. I’m not scared of him, his size is just really intimidating.”

Thor didn’t say a word. All he did do, however, was sigh and hand back the plush toy back to Y/n, who immediately hugged it close to her.

He gently put his hand on her shoulder, causing Y/n to look up at him. “My brother needs to know about this, little one. I’m going to have him sit right here-...”, said Thor as he turned towards the edge of the bed and pointed at the vacant space where Loki would be standing soon. Y/n’s eyes became watery just imagining Loki looking down at her.

“I’ll only be a moment”, said Thor. And with that, he summoned Mjölnir and flew off to fetch Loki. As his feet left the bed, he heard Y/n begging him to stop. Thor did feel bad for getting Y/n all shaken up, but he knew in his heart that Y/n needed to meet Loki and Loki needed to meet Y/n. It was time that the two of them finally made a friend.

Loki sat at his desk with his one arm propped up on its elbow resting on the table as his chin laid in the palm of his hand while the other hand flicked through a few pages of a book. Loki was not interested in the meet and greet anymore. He was going to make sure that he informed Tony that he isn’t going to be a part of the 3rd event next year. Loki couldn’t handle not getting talked to for a third time.

Loki had somehow tuned out the noise that was coming from all around the room and focused on the book in front of him. That was until Thor landed on the page that Loki had just started to read. “Hello Loki!”, said Thor as he waved to his gigantic brother.

Loki rolled his eyes. When he said he wanted someone to talk to him, he was hoping that Thor would be the last to come over here. “What do you want, Thor? Have you come to gloat? To mock? Tell me about all the fans you’ve met in the span of one hour?”, chided Loki.

“As much as I would love to tell you about the fans I’ve met, I’ve come to inform you about something”, said Thor, trying to hide the excitement he was feeling so that Loki didn’t suspect anything.

Thor stood there practically bouncing up and down. He couldn’t wait to see the look on Loki’s face when he told him about Y/n. Loki, however, was getting annoyed at the anticipation that was building up inside him. “Oh by Odin, just spit it out Thor”, he said.

“You have a fan that wants to meet you!”, exclaimed Thor. He was more than happy at the moment, jumping up and down like a thrilled, little puppy on a sugar rush. Loki’s eyes widened when Thor revealed the news. “I do?”, he asked with hope in his voice. Thor nodded vigorously and said, “You do, brother! I am so happy for you! She’s standing right over there on your bed near the pillow closest to us.” Thor pointed over to where Y/n stood clutching onto the plush toy.

Thor couldn’t wait any longer to witness the interaction between Loki and Y/n. He was for sure going to ask Stark to take pictures just so he could remember this moment.

Loki slowly turned his head to where Thor had said the small girl was standing. Almost instantaneously, Loki made eye contact with the small, mortal child.

‘I do have a fan..”, thought Loki to himself.

She was staring at him with wide eyes. That’s when Loki realized something. ‘The poor child is visibly shaking’, thought Loki to himself. He looked back at Thor and asked, “Brother, are you sure that she wants to speak with me? She looks frightened.”

Thor laughed off what Loki had just said. “Loki, believe me. She has been meaning to meet you for awhile now. And she even made you a gift!”, exclaimed Thor.

Loki’s eyebrows raised. He wanted to believe Thor, but his conscience just wouldn’t let him trust the fact that someone came to this event to meet him.

Loki looked back at the tiny girl on his bed. Without taking his eyes off of her, he asked Thor, “What’s the little one’s name?” Thor smiled, loving how Loki was practically speechless. “Her name is Y/n.”

“Y/n-...”, said Loki under his breath. He wanted to hear how the little mortal’s name sounded when he said it, finding the name a perfect fit for the little one.

He went to get up from his desk, but looked back at Thor to see if he should go over to her. Thor smiled at him and said, “Go on, brother. Go meet your fan.” Loki partially smiled, afraid that he would scare the poor girl. But he desired to meet her, so he got up from his seat and made his way over towards her.

Y/n felt as if she was going to have a heart attack. Meeting someone you admired wasn’t easy. I mean, just picture meeting Loki. And now picture him being over 90 feet tall. You would be a nervous wreck as well, right?

She watched as Loki lowered himself down to her eye level, kneeling down so that he could see her properly.

Loki rested his hand next to Y/n and began to inch it closer to her. He desired to just hold her in his palm and see how tiny she was, but he froze when he saw her flinch back. “My apologies. I-..”, Loki stopped dead in his track and sighed, closing his eyes so he could concentrate. He wouldn’t be able to make any progress with the small mortal if a mere movement of his hand scared her, so what would be the point in continuing to try and earn her trust?

Loki retracted his hand back and let it hang at his side, offering a gentle smile. “How about if I head back to my desk and leave you be? I could see that you are too scared to talk, little one”, said Loki as he looked down at Y/n. Normally, Loki would have been laughing his head off by scaring such a small being, basking in their fear, but Loki felt horrible knowing that a small child was afraid of him. “I’m very sorry for frightening you, little Y/n”, said Loki softly.

Y/n watched as Loki began to push himself up off the floor to stand up. Her only chance of speaking with Loki was ending quickly. Y/n had dreamed of meeting him and she made him believe that she was scared of him! Y/n had to let him know how much he had changed her life and most importantly, she had to give him her hand-made gift. “W-Wait!!”, Y/n cried out.

Loki became as stiff as a board. He didn’t think that something so little could have such a loud voice. He stared down at her, waiting for a response.

Y/n’s breathing hitched, but she shook her head. She couldn’t let her nerves get in the way of this anymore. “I-I’m star-struck. N-Not scared”, she said shyly. Loki’s mouth hung open just a tad. He was incredibly happy that Y/n had started talking and found it absolutely adorable how she was stuttering when she spoke.

It took Loki a second to process what Y/n had just said to him. ‘Did she just say she’s star-struck?’, asked Loki to himself. “Star-struck, you say?”, asked Loki as he knelt back down in front of Y/n. Surely she couldn’t be referring to him, right?

Loki’s doubtful thoughts were wiped out of his mind when she nodded her head. “Y-Yes. I um-...I-I wanted to come last year and m-meet you, but-..I was too n-nervous”, said Y/n smiling diffidently.

His eyebrows raised at hearing that she was his fan. ‘Thor was telling the truth’, Loki thought to himself. He leaned forward a bit to get a better look at Y/n and asked in astonishment, “You’re a fan of mine?”

Y/n laughed quietly at how Loki wouldn’t believe the fact that someone was his fan. “Y-Yes, sir. I have been f-for a while n-now.”

“What is your name, child?”, asked Loki. He already knew what her name was thanks to Thor, but remember, Loki was a part of a royal family. Manners meant everything to him.

“M-My name is Y-Y/n, sir”, she said, stuttering through her words. Loki beamed at the tiny mortal and awed our loud. Her nervousness was quite entertaining and very cute. “It is lovely to meet you, little Y/n. I am Loki”, he said, still smiling.

Y/n returned the smiled. “I-It’s lovely to meet you as well, s-sir.” Loki’s eyebrows furrowed. ‘Why does she keep calling me that? She does know she could call me by my name, does she not?’, Loki asked himself.

He decided to tell her, “You do not have to be so formal with me, small one. Just call me Loki. I won’t mind.” Loki gently ruffled her hair with his index finger, laughing at the way she giggled when he did so.

Loki was surprised with what was happening in front of his very eyes. Someone actually was a fan of his. Loki was brought out of his shocked state when he noticed that Y/n was holding something firmly against her chest.

“What have you got there, little one?, he asked. He thought that it must be a stuffed toy that Midguardian children carry around, but Y/n spoke up immediately about the item she held in her grasp.

“Oh! I-..I-I have something f-for you”, said Y/n as she held up the plush toy so Loki could see it.

Loki squinted his eyes, trying to even out his vision so he could see the tiny item that his little fan was holding, but he just couldn’t make out what it was. He wanted to rest his head on the mattress in front of Y/n, but he didn’t want to scare her. “I’m afraid I can’t see it that well from up here, little one. Is-..Is that alright if I pick you up?”, asked Loki, nervous to hold a mortal child. She seemed so incredibly fragile from his perspective.

Y/n’s eyes widened. ‘P-Pick me up?’, she thought to herself. She would be extremely high off the ground if she said yes, but this was her shot to finally show Loki the plush she had worked on for weeks now.

Loki saw the immediate change in her facial expressions. “I will be very gentle with my movements, little one. And you won’t fall or anything like that. I promise”, said Loki softly. He wanted to come off as kind as he possibly could so Y/n could relax.

“O-Okay-..”, she said nervously. Loki rested his hand on the mattress next to Y/n, palm facing up, waiting for her to climb on.

Y/n walked over to Loki’s hand and as much as her mind was screaming at her to not go through with it, she boarded the huge hand and made her way to the center of it. She sat down, waiting to be lifted up high off the bed.

Loki smiles at the small girl and raised her up to his face, staring down at her with his large, green eyes.

Y/n was definitely scared at first, but she calmed herself down. She slowly stood up in the center of Loki’s palm, looking around at how tiny she really was compared to him. She had to tilt her head up just a little bit so she could see the tips of his fingers that loomed behind her.

“Now, what were you trying to show me, my dear?”, asked Loki as he held Y/n in front of his eyes. She was so tiny, not even reaching the height of his thumb.

Y/n held up the plush again so that Loki could see it.

“I-...I made th-this plush toy for you. W-Whenever I had the f-free time to work on it, I did. I-I know it’s sm-small, but I worked r-really hard on it and I wanted to show you my ap-appreciation for everything that you’ve done”, said Y/n. She kept her eyes locked on Loki’s green orbs

Loki admired the small gift that Y/n held. The first thing he noticed were the yellow horns and the fabric armor it wore. Suddenly, a lightbulb went off it Loki’s mind. “Is-..Is that me?”, asked Loki, bewildered.

Y/n hesitatingly nodded her head yes, shuffling her feet around nervously as she waited for Loki’s response.

“May I hold it?”, he asked, holding out two fingers on his opposite hand. Loki hoped that he didn’t ruin such a wonderful gift. He didn’t want to hurt Y/n’s feelings by accidentally ripping the fabric apart with his large fingers.

“Of course y-you can!”, said Y/n as her eyes lit up with excitement. She was more than happy that Loki wanted to see his gift.

Y/n watched as Loki’s other hand approached her. The forefinger and thumb reached out for the plush toy and she happily obliged in handing it over. The two fingers grabbed onto either side of the plush toy and ferried it away from Y/n.

Loki laid the plush toy in the center of his other palm and raised it up to his eyes. He slightly touched it with the pad of his thumb, moving it around to get a better look at it. The whole time he did this, Loki was beaming a wide smile. He looked up from the plush toy and at the small girl who was staring at him with wide, blue eyes. ‘Such an innocent child-..’, thought Loki to himself as he smiled down at her.

“That is very kind of you. This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. Truly. You do not know how much of an honor it is for me to receive such an extraordinary gift. Thank you, little Y/n”, said Loki.

“You-..You like it?”, asked Y/n, astonished that he liked the present she had put so much effort into making sure it looked similar to Loki.

“I don’t like it, I love it! You have an incredible talent, young one. I could never start from scratch with fabric and a few needles to create such a masterpiece”, said Loki as he ruffled Y/n’s hair gently.

Y/n and Loki spent the rest of the event taking to each other. They had moved back over to Loki’s desk for a bit of privacy. The children that were on the bed were all starting to get Loki annoyed. Every time Y/n would go to say something, she was interrupted by noise from the others her age. So, Loki had carried her back to his desk while the plush toy sat safely tucked away in his shirt pocket.

Out of now where, a feminine voice exclaimed Y/n’s name. “Y/n! Sweetie! It’s time to go home!”

Loki’s eyebrows slightly furrowed together, looking for the human that had called out to his tiny friend. He looked down to see a woman looking up towards the hand that held Y/n, who was holding onto Loki’s finger tips as she peered over the edge.

“Hi mom!”, shouted Y/n as she waved at her mother. Loki’s eyes softened at the adorable sight. He looked at Y/n’s mother and, of course, introduced himself.

“Hello ma’am. It is lovely to meet your acquaintance”, said Loki as he bowed his head. Y/n’s mother smiled up at Loki.

“I’m sorry to cut things short here, but Y/n, we have to head home now honey. It’s getting late”, said her mother.

“B-But..”, Y/n’s mother gave her a certain look to know she meant business.

“Okay.” Y/n turn towards Loki with sadness written all over her face. “I-I..I guess I have to go now. I just want to say thank you. I-I’ve dreamed of meeting m-my idol for a long time and this is by far the b-best day of my life.”

“I’m your-...idol?”, asked Loki. His heart had fully melted into a puddle when she nodded her head yes. Loki could see tears glistening in his little friend’s eyes, for she knew that they probably wouldn’t ever see each other once she exits his room. “I’ll m-miss you, L-Loki.” Y/n broke down at this point. She used the backs of her hands to wipe away the tears.

“Oh my little dove, do not cry. It’s okay. I’m sure we’ll see each other again soon”, said Loki.

He held Y/n close to his chest as he tenderly caressed her back. Maybe they would see each other again, but-..what was the probability of that? Loki came to the realization that they most likely would never see each other anymore. He’s constantly here in the tower and is permitted to always stick around his room. “I-…I’ll miss you as well, my little dove.”

“Oh for heavens sake you two!”, exclaimed a voice. Loki’s gaze shot upwards to find that Tony Stark was hovering way above the desk.

“Always with the perfect timing, Stark”, said Loki angrily. He held out the palm that cupped Y/n protectively and allowed Stark to land right next to her.

“Kid listen. The amount of joy that you’ve brought Loki in a span of two hours is unbelievable. He has been the worst debbie downer for the past few weeks, but you put a smile on the big guy’s face in a matter of seconds”, said Tony as he smiled at Y/n.

“Please, get to the point”, said Loki. He poked Tony in the back, causing him to stumble forward. Tony laughed it off.

“She can come visit you whenever she wants. Here, take this, kid-…”, Tony gave Y/n a card with a number on it. “This here is my phone number. Now whenever you want to come up to the tower and see Loki, you just call me up so I can let him know, okay? I’ll even have a limo sent to your house if you’d like”, said Tony.

Y/n couldn’t take her eyes off of the card. She was in complete shock. “Th-Thank you so much!”, she said happily. “No problem, kid. And no more tears, alright? Loki here looked like he was about to start crying himself”, said Tony sarcastically. He glanced up at Loki, smirking away.

Loki was about to retaliate, but kept quiet because he knew Tony was right. He probably would have started crying if Stark hadn’t come over to them. “Alright, I’ll let you say your farewells to each other”, said Tony as he flew over to the bed.

“L-Loki, could I come see you tomorrow? If that’s okay with you o-of course”, asked Y/n nervously. She really hoped that Loki would say yes because she had so much more to tell him about how she became a fan of his.

“Absolutely, sweetheart”, said Loki. He lightly tickled her stomach, causing Y/n to laugh.

After Y/n had left with her mother, Loki looked down at the plush toy in his palm. “This will never leave my side. Ever. I cannot wait to see my little friend again tomorrow”, said Loki.

Loki stayed true to his word as he as he slept later that night. Next to Loki’s sleeping form was the plush toy Y/n had gifted to him. It sat upright against Loki’s green pillow and sometime during the night in his sleep, Loki reached over and grabbed a hold of the plush toy, drawing it near him. He held it close to his chest, subconsciously smiling to himself.

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Author’s note:

This is probably my longest story I’ve ever written! I hope you all liked it!! Do you guys mind if I post long stories like this? Or do you prefer short ones?? Let me know what you think!❤️

Also, here’s what the Loki plush looks like😊:

I bought this lil’ cutie off of Etsy! I’m so happy I finally got to include him into one of the stories somehow. The seller’s name is “MythfitCreatures” and they have different characters as well!

#this story is-...#I promise...there’s a lot of fluff #Loki has a little fan🥺#loki #marvel #tom hiddleston #loki laufeyson #mcu loki #loki g/t #g/t marvel #giant!loki

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kaizokuou-ni-naru · 3 years

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The Voyage So Far: Wano (Part Two)

east blue (1 | 2) || alabasta (1 | 2) || skypiea || water 7 || enies lobby || thriller bark || paramount war (1 | 2) || fishman island || punk hazard || dressrosa (1 | 2) || whole cake island || wano (1 | 2)

okay so the wano flashback is possibly my favorite in the whole series for a whole bunch of different reasons, and oden as a character is a big part of why. honestly, i think he’s great. he’s wildly entertaining and ridiculously likable, just like a folk hero should be.

i care about oden and the akazaya nine a lot. they have one of my favorite found family dynamics in the whole series, up there with the strawhats themselves- a bunch of thugs and castoffs who wound up gathering around this one wildly charismatic moron and deciding to be stronger and better for him.

i think they really feel like a family, in these little moments we get of them just interacting and messing around, and it only makes later events- oden’s death, the twenty-year separation, kanjurou’s betrayal- hurt all the worse.

on god it is the funniest thing on earth to me that this is how oden and izou wound up on whitebeard’s ship.

the roger pirates!! i really really like the roger pirates!! i love that there’s this entire predecessor crew who are both absolutely fucking fascinating from a lore perspective and who are just all individually really good characters with really fun relationships. the dynamics we get to see just in this brief part of the flashback are absolutely delightful. i think the fact that i would read a whole series just about the roger pirates is a testament to oda’s character writing.

there’s a specific sort of tragedy to the roger pirates, and i think it really hits home in their last few pages in this flashback. by all appearances, they were a crew just as close-knit as the strawhats are. they cared about each other a lot- that ship was their home.

and then their captain died, and they just- fell apart.

awhile back, in my sabaody post, i talked about how we get to know roger first as a story and then as a character by getting to meet characters who knew him personally. to the rest of the world, roger is a story, a name to curse or a height to aspire to. but for shanks and rayleigh and crocus and buggy and all the rest of the roger pirates, he was their captain.

the whole wano flashback, possibly more than any of the others in the series, really feels to me like a story being told, a folk tale being passed down, which makes sense, since it’s canonically framed as oden’s diary entries. and i think that framing device just adds so much to the atmosphere of this entire section of story, the feeling of myth and legend to it.

i honestly really like how oden’s death is handled. i have trouble articulating it, but it’s so much, so over the top, so heavily set up and foreshadowed- a legendary death for a legendary man, if that makes sense.

toki’s prophecy is one of my favorite motifs in this whole arc. wano is all about a country that’s been trapped and dying for years and years, holding out desperate hope for salvation. toki is the one who gave them that hope. she doesn’t try to tell them that everything will be okay, she says it will be dark and the darkness will be long, but the dawn will come, and even though she gave her life to do that, she did it smiling.

without toki, the wano arc never would have happened, because there would be no future to fight for.

this panel is the header on my favorite op discord server and sometimes i just scroll up and stare at it. it’s so good.

this entire sequence, starting from luffy law and kidd’s entrance, is probably my favorite in wano arc. it’s the turning of the sides, the daybreak after the darkest hour- these three show up, and then jinbe, and denjirou reveals his true colors and it’s revealed all the rest of the samurai left before orochi blew the bridges, and it turns out they haven’t lost a single step to kanjurou’s treachery. it just feels so good to read, after the prior hopelessness of the akazaya and the tragedy of the flashback.

i really like how the akazaya nine are absolutely ready to roast each other at any and all times. that’s how you know they’re best friends.

i think i mentioned it back in fishman island, but one of my favorite things is the strawhats just being absolutely cheerfully, chaotically destructive. every time we get to see them wreck havoc while nonchalantly bickering with each other it puts a huge smile on my face.

i think ulti and page one are very very funny and i like their dynamic a lot, it’s a laugh riot. i also like that oda lets luffy seriously fight a woman here!! i’m serious, we don’t see enough no-holds-barred fights between men and women (conventionally attractive women, specifically) in this series, so i’m pleasantly surprised when it does happen.

i do appreciate wano’s ability to continuously raise the “holy shit!” quotient without it ever really feeling like a twist just for the sake of the audience. like, i don’t know that anybody saw kaidou killing orochi coming, but at the same time, it feels like it does make sense, given what we know about kaidou, for him to do this.

my heart goes out to momo, honestly. he’s only eight, and in that time he’s lost his home and family and his whole world when he was thrown twenty years into the future, and he has the weight of his whole country resting on his shoulders. he’s borne up admirably under that stress, starting from zou and building up to this point.

i LOVE kin’emon’s speech to kaidou about luffy SO much. kin’emon’s come a long way from being a mostly comedy relief character in punk hazard to here, where he’s shouting down an emperor. i really like this progression- kin’emon doesn’t change, exactly, but the side of his character that is revealed in wano is very likable and admirable. it goes back to something i’ve mentioned before, about how one piece’s characters are very rarely one-dimensional.

kaidou’s dragon form is extremely cool, and so are most of the panels where it appears- it’s extremely striking, especially in panels like this, where he’s silhouetted against the moon.

i love... the ripple effects of luffy just being himself that spread throughout the world of one piece, and i think this is one of the best examples. luffy befriended coby all the way back in chapter two, mostly by accident, and now, nine hundred and some chapters later, that’s what leads to drake joining the strawhats’ side. because drake is friends with coby who says luffy is trustworthy, so when drake is stuck with nobody else to turn to, he turns to luffy.

moments like this really reinforce just how much the world and story of one piece is built on relationships between people, and i really like that. i like that instead of necessarily being built around abstract ideals or morals, characters’ actions are, more often than not, motivated by either specific personal goals or by their relationships with other characters. it feels much more true to life.

i like the loss of kiku’s arm, because it showcases exactly how serious the fight is on both sides. it both shows that kaidou is fighting to maim and kill and do whatever it takes to win, and that the akazaya are fully prepared to take whatever he throws at them. kiku gets back up smiling after losing her arm. neither side in this fight is even close to backing down, now or ever.

i genuinely can’t believe how long it took me to talk about yamato, so let me just say: i love him so much. part of this, i’m sure, is my personal bias towards any and all kickass queer characters, but part of it is just- he’s so cool. he’s ten feet tall and carries a club about as big as he is and tanks explosions like they’re nothing while also bickering with luffy and falling out of ceilings and generally being like... stupidly lovable.

i just like yamato a lot.

a thousand chapters in, and every strawhat but robin has had a moment where they declare luffy is going to be the king of the pirates, but honestly, i think nami’s might be my favorite yet. nami has always been a person who acts at a distance, not one inclined to direct confrontation and putting herself in danger-

and yet, when it comes down to it, when faced with a choice between death and disavowing her captain’s dream, even when assured by usopp that she would be fully justified in lying for her life, nami chooses luffy. even in the most dire of circumstances, all of the strawhats know luffy is going to be the king of the pirates, and none of them would ever deny it.

i kind of alluded to this back in my dressrosa post, but i really like the development of law’s new dream being discovering the meaning of the will of d. it just feels like a very good and natural progression for his character, given he’s the only holder of the will of d who we’ve been shown is consciously aware of it and what it might mean. and in general, i like seeing him having something else to work towards after doflamingo’s defeat.

i’ll end this by just saying i am so desperately curious to know what is in that book, and what yamato knows about the will of d, about the dawn of the world, about laugh tale.

guess we’ll find out, huh?

thanks for reading through to the end!! i had a lot of fun putting these posts together, and writing them up was a really cool way to be able to compile my thoughts headed into chapter 1000 and beyond. i can’t wait to see where oda takes us next.

#the voyage so far #arc: wano kuni #one piece #long post #opmeta #not japanese

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nelavili · 3 years

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I'm still processing Season 6 and as an unpopular opinion I'm not too happy about it as a whole. I feel horrible for not enjoying it as much as the Cast/Crew would like me to, but I just can’t change this feeling I have.

Just to clear my head I'll write the things down that irked me. I don't want to start any discussion, they're only my thoughts on stuff ‘n thangs. Huge spoilers ahead, please don’t read if you haven’t watched.

Michael

I admit it, I have probably more sympathy for the bad twin than I should. And after the whole S5 I thought we get a bit more closure with him. I didn’t expect a redemption arc, after Michael killed Remiel, Dan and Chloe it would have felt wrong. But after the “Everyone deserves a second chance” the dude is down in hell, scrubbing the floor with a toothbrush. Really, Lucifer? That’s cruel after such a righteous line.

When Luci realized he could help everyone, even if he hated them, I hoped for a dive into the twins’ relationship but it was like Michael didn’t even existed anymore. And if someone needed therapy it would be the twin with the huge inferior complex. That could have been so interesting. (I had hoped that he'd sat on the couch at the end, but noooo we get the Frenchman.. such a disappointment.)

Maybe Tom Ellis didn’t want to play 2 roles again, or there was no time, but I feel that was a huge opportunity wasted.

What even was the plan of Michael? To get God to retire and wreck havoc on earth to get Dad back, so Mickey can take over as the new God? And then what? Wipe out humanity? I see no endgame here.

Ella

I liked Ella’s Story so far. But she stole the personal file of Carol and even broke into his house.. and everybody is cool with this? Carol might be crushing on Ella pretty hard but if somebody tells you they broke into your house, because they feared you were hiding something bad, You run for the hills. But the dude isn’t even phased.

I’m glad Carol is a good guy, though. Even if he’s kind of bland.

Ella finding out the truth on her own came out of nowhere. I would have found it better if they would have her act a little suspicious over the whole S5. But since they wrote S6 while S5 was shot, a little to late for this.

The scene at the wedding was amazing. I had so much fun with her outburst there.

Dan

Ghost!Dan was my favorite by far in this season. And I really liked how he wanted to help and tried to find out what he still felt guilty about.

I am so glad he got to spend his afterlife with Charlotte and I laughed so hard with the pudding. Didn’t expect that, in a positive matter. :D

The scene with Trixie killed me. Bawled so hard as soon as Kevin got teary eyes. That really gripped at my heartstrings.

But how could he go to heaven while in a body of a killer when his daughter stands right next to that killer?

Comedy-wise Dan is top notch

Trixie

I missed her so much.

It felt like she was an afterthought with everything. She recently lost her Dad and Chloe spends most of the time with Lucifer. I really missed the scenes with her and Luci, they always were so adorable.

They explain it later that she’s at a science camp, but I honestly thought Chloe chooses Lucifer (and later Rory too) over her.

She wasn’t at Chloe’s deathbed but here I’m not sure if the scene with Rory isn’t placed somewhere at the threshold to heaven where only celestials are able to enter. But if she wasn’t there because Chloe sidelined her in favor of Rory, then I can understand her absence.

Linda

I love Linda, she always gives good advice but nobody’s ever took it.

Her book probably would fly under the fantasy tag if she ever published it. Still, it felt cringey.

It was so sad that she thought she was a bad therapist.

Apparently she wants to keep helping celestials because it’s better than helping humans. In the end, celestials have the same problems as humans just on a bigger scale. But okay.

Amenadiel

Amenacop was good, and a nice nod to Dan who put in the application.

It made him realize that he only can change things when he has more power. I’m white and no american so I don’t know if the BLM theme there was well enough executed. Got me wondering.

The apocalypse just being Angels who are incompetent was a letdown. Like this whole season.

I really like him as god. And I am glad he took the position in the end. Even if he could have decided this a bit earlier.

Rory

I like her sarcasm and her character.

Didn’t like the whole time travel, time loop and daughter spiel. I’m not a big fan of time travels or couples getting a kid just for the sake of a happy end or to add extra drama. I could have lived without a Deckerstar baby. Instead they could have focused on Trixie for a change.

The time she spent with Lucifer on the 4th August was precious though.

How in hell did the Frenchman capture her? How did he even know how she looked? IIRC Dan hasn’t seen Rory while in that body. Dan just went over to Trixie that’s why I thought he’d capture her and not Rory.

Lucifer

He found his calling to help the souls in hell only because Rory traveled back in time? No man, he already took the step with Jimmy Barnes in preparation to take over as god. I don’t think it’s far fetched to believe that he would have the same epiphany without Rory there.

But without Rory, he wouldn’t have been helping Ghost!Dan to go to heaven. Though, before Rory traveled back in time, Lucifer was already trying to help Dan. They probably would have needed more time to figure out about what Dan felt guilty about, but figure it out anyways.

How did he even got Chloe pregnant? Was it his subconscious deciding he was ready to be a father? Amenadiel had to believe that he was human to get Linda pregnant. Or maybe it’s because they always thought they couldn’t impregnate a human and self-actualized it that way. Anyways, it’s a tiny hang-up I have with it.

Somebody else besides me thought that the scene in the panic room was awkwardly long? I know they thought Lucifer would vanish somehow, but it seemed too much to me.

His singsong while the magician talked about the trick. :D

I don’t want to even get into the whole time loop thing because I think it’s ridiculous(ly bad).

It took a lot of time for him to realize that he didn’t want to be god, after he put it on hold for a second time. Even Chloe could have asked him if that is really what he wanted. Could have spared us an episode or so. Why is the communication on this show so bad? Q.Q

I loved that he helped Maze with Eve to get the wedding back on after their fight.

He didn’t say goodbye to Trixie - again. What a nice step-devil..

It’s been Chloe, Rory and his family since he found out she’s his daughter. Not even mentioning the one kid who probably loved him before even Chloe fell for him.

For someone who is all about free will and led a rebellion against God for it, he was quick to accept that he has a “fate”. I thought he’d find another way, or at least try to. Nope, he just did what his child wanted. And they disguised it at his “choice”. Doesn’t look like a choice to me if your daughter begs you for it and you have to promise it. Just getting along with what your child wants.

Why does everyone need to shoot him? Just cut him until he bleeds. The Americans and their fixation on guns. Nice parallel to Chloe though.

Lucifer trying to fix the relationship to Rory with gifts was so cringey. I don’t know why but I couldn’t watch him sing/dance in that scene.

Both him and Amenadiel didn’t want to become like their Dad because of the reasons stated in S5, yet Lucifer exactly did. Another letdown.

Chloe

As soon as she knew Rory was her and Lucifer’s daughter it was all only about Lucifer and Rory. No thought of Trixie? I understand she was worried about being a bad mother to Rory, but come on, you’re being a bad mother to your first child right now.

She was ready to go to heaven with Lucifer. And Trixie does what exactly without her parents? Living with her Grandma because one of her parent died and the other one is abandoning her? It’s like the writers forgot about Trixie while forcing Rory on us.

The addiction to the necklace got old pretty fast.

And that whole fight against Lucifer felt unnecessary just to add more drama.

She gets mad at Lucifer for not telling her everything while not telling him that she went back to the LAPD. It’s Lucifer, he always has things on his plate. Double moral, pretty much.

She looked so gorgeous at the wedding, oh my god.

Most of the Deckerstar scenes were good. I got tired of the obvious naked cuddle times, surprisingly. Somehow it felt not like the ones in S5 and it bothered me.

I thought Chloe would finally get to know about everything Lucifer did for her, but I didn’t expect her to read it in Linda’s book. And that she only took away that he left her every time they had an emotional breakthrough.

They spend Lucifer’s last day at the beach and once again, no thought of Trixie. I’m sorry I repeat myself here so often. But this whole season wronged Trixie so much.

They face the baddie without any backup. At least get Amenadiel with you.

Other things

The use of music between scenes was too much for me. Got annoying at some point.

I appreciate that they wanted to show us snippets of past Deckerstar scenes but here too, I felt like it was too much.

Couldn’t really follow the timeline. Maybe it were the cuts.

What’s been the point of bringing Adam into the mix? Just to wrap up Maze and Eve’s story? For Linda having another celestial to therapy?

The animation in the Jimmy Barnes Hell loop was AMAZING. I laughed so hard.

I’m not saying that Deckerstar shouldn’t have sacrificed everything for the time loop to stay intact, I say that the whole daughter-time travel plot shouldn’t have had happened. They never even talked about having kids, and then ignore the whole existence of the one kid that’s already there.

I really need all the Michaella fanfics, please. My first ship that’s actually a raft, because they never officially have met. RIP lmao

The acting was great as usual, all my problems come from the writing and the plot.

In the end, I really feel frustrated, underwhelmed and disappointed by the whole season. I didn’t have high expectations other than the same writing quality like S5. My excitement for that Season died as soon as Rory told Lucifer that she’s his daughter, to be honest. I waited for a plot twist that never came. Then the whole time loop shit. I’d rather have waited one more year for S6 if the plot would have made more sense, since this felt like a first draft of a whole other show. And now I wished that S5 would have been the last season. If I could travel back in time, I’d rather not watch S6.

I can honestly live with the fact that Luci and Chloe are in hell, trying to help souls to get to heaven. (But hello, not the murderers perhaps? Or I want Michael sitting on that couch right now.) But the fact that both “chose” to sacrifice their time together with their family and friends just because it’s fate now and parents have to make sacrifices for their children; and anyways there’s an afterlife because (human) life is just a blip in our existence… nah thank you. I do not want it.

I’m probably not gonna rewatch S6 anytime soon.

#lucifer spoilers #lucifer s6 spoilers #lucifer netflix #deckerstar

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sleepyjuniper · 3 years

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HI! I am June, and I love movies! I've been working on something, and I don't usually post my work because I don't get a lot of views, but I feel what I've written here is really important, and I would very much appreciate a read, and maybe an upvote if you enjoy what you've read! I've really put my heart out on the line here, and it would be great for it to get some traction, so a movie I care about greatly can finally get some recognition.

So, Home is now back on Netflix. As a result, the passion I've always felt for this film has been rekindled, and now feels like the perfect time to bring it back to attention, to get it the praise it truly deserves. To explain, I was watching it last week and I suddenly had an epiphany. I suddenly connected more with Oh's character than I ever had before, and every little detail in the movie started to pop out at me and further strengthen this feeling. I became so obsessed with the depth of it's heavy emotional scenes and gorgeous visuals that I immediately got to writing. It gets a bit tricky to collect my thoughts every time I try to address what this writing actually is; it's not necessarily an analysis, not necessarily an essay, because it lacks direction and a real conclusion, or motive, I guess. I'm simply going in depth into the scenes that I think are most pivotal to Oh's development as a character, and providing my own personal insight into how he's thinking and what he's feeling, based on the evidence I am able to glean from what the movie shows me, rather than tells me. I'm picking into each scene and bringing to light the specific details that make it so powerful to me, and how these details allow me to fully understand and connect with the characters in a way I can't with other films.

But regardless of what it is, the more in depth I go, the more it speaks to me, and the more I understand it. The more reason I have to believe that Oh has a perfect character arc, which is so well written and perfectly pulled off, that it creates a movie that is authentic, heartfelt, and complete in every way. There's simply no other like it. Now, with no further ado, let's get into it.

Every good story starts with an introduction to the main character. The beginning scenes of Home introduce us to Oh's character perfectly. They depict him as an adorable misfit with a propensity to make mistakes, who just wants to make friends. We learn that he is widely disliked by the rest of the Boov because of his differences, that he adores Captain Smek, and that he believes Boov are best at everything. We learn a lot about his personality too. All the Boov look similar, but he is much more animated than the other Boov, moving with more energy, and appears to be in a perpetual state of excitement. He’s the only Boov we see smiling at first, and what really sets him out is the way he emotes. While most of the Boov carry neutral expressions, their eyebrows relaxed, his eyebrows are constantly raised and his eyes are wide, making them stand out much more prominently. His color changing also adds an extra layer to his character, allowing us to see even deeper into what he's feeling at any given point during the movie. The movie can tell us more, with less words. It is immediately apparent to the audience just how different Oh is from the rest of his people; we can clearly see from the get-go that Oh's emotions work differently than the rest of the Boov. And this only adds to the impact of later scenes, as he starts to experience more complex emotions and venture further into unknown territory.

When the starting conflict of the story is introduced, we learn about the first real challenge he needs to overcome. He made a mistake, and is now on the run from his own people, who want to arrest him. Right now, his motivation is simply to avoid capture. It can be assumed that until now, Oh hasn't faced danger alone. He's likely faced danger while the Boov were running away from the Gorg, but he was always facing the threat with the rest of his species. This is the first time he's been completely alone while running from something, and it's all his fault too. We can pick all of this up from context, and feel sympathy for him and his terror, which is very much justified.

When Oh and Tip first meet, they start out not liking each other, and have conflicting opinions. Oh believes the Boov are more advanced than humans because Smek said so, and he doesn't understand why Tip cares so much about one human. Conversely, Tip hates Oh because his species is the reason she's separated from her mother. They are agreeing to work together out of common interest, that's it. Oh has promised to help Tip find her mom, but he does this only to avoid capture. These scenes are full of fun quips and hilarious antics, as the movie starts to build up a foundation for Oh's character dynamic with Tip. What the movie conveys to us is that these two characters don't know each other, and don't have any interest in listening to and understanding each other.

Things really pick up later in the movie. Oh disappears for a long while, and when he returns, Tip yells at him, and he stops in his tracks, looking genuinely astounded and confused by her anger. He was especially shocked that she was afraid he'd been hurt. We can actually see the moment he does a double-take at the realization that she had been worried about him. Likely, no one has ever worried about him before. For the first time, we see him actually absorb what she's saying, listening to her with a curious expression as she tells him to try and put himself in her shoes. Tip explains to him that kids aren't supposed to be by themselves, and that the Boov's arrival ruined everything for her. When Oh says that Boov don't have families, she remarks that it's no wonder they take things and don't care about anyone else. This gives him pause, and he appears to think carefully, before speaking. No amount of explanation can really do this scene justice, so a direct quote of his monologue is needed. He says: "So, your mimom.. is a very important humansperson to you. More important than others. To not belong with her.. causes you being sad. But, recent moments ago, you are kicking on me and yelling. Which is seeming more to be mad than sad." This gives us the first true indication that Oh is trying to be more open minded. Tip tells him to try and feel how she feels, and he does. With genuine sincerity, he's trying to understand how Tip can be feeling two emotions at once. Tip looks surprised by his sincerity, and has no energy to continue talking, but she listens, and she gets back into the car when he's finished. Not only does Oh state out loud that humans are more complicated than he thought, this scene is important because it's the first time they have anything close to a genuine moment of understanding. Simply put; he sees her react in a way he didn't anticipate, is perplexed by it, and pushes aside his own belief that he already knows everything about humans, and just asks her questions to understand her better. It is the first small sign of growth we get to see from him.

Tip and Oh gradually warm up to each other more over the course of their next few escapades. Oh explains to Tip why he's in trouble, and Tip realizes he's sad, and cheers him up by teaching him about jokes. They make a plan to give Oh a makeover so they can sneak into the Great Antenna without being caught, and Tip seems amused by his antics rather than annoyed. In the Antenna, Oh helps Tip find out where her mom is, and Tip hugs him. He looks surprised and uncertain for a moment, but quickly adjusts to it and even smiles, turning orange and hugging her back. From the information we have, we can extrapolate that this may or may not be the first time he's ever been hugged, due to the Boov's aversion to both Oh and physical contact. This is the most affection Tip has expressed with him so far, and he seems to just melt into it. He also looks as if he wasn't ready for the hug to end so abruptly. It's a sensation he's unfamiliar with, but immediately decides he wants.

This is when we see Oh, specifically, starting to trust Tip a bit more and even maybe like her, and their escape from the Tower shows them working with a newfound chemistry as they outsmart the Boov. We can tell Oh is scared at several points during the scene, because his yellow coloring indicates it, but he's also grabbing onto Tip as if it gives him reassurance. He trusts her enough to at least find comfort in her presence, which is something that wasn't true of their relationship in the beginning.

Following the events of the Eiffel Tower scene, Tip starts to talk about her mom, excited to find her and maybe even come back to Paris. When she turns around, Oh is standing further away and looking at the now wrecked central command, his skin displaying a dejected blue color. What does he have to come back to after everything is over? Tip knows where she belongs, but Oh would never be able to go back to the Boov in safety after his mistake. He is questioning his belonging. Tip notices he's sad, and attempts to cheer him up. It doesn't work, but Oh does something that surprises Tip. He apologizes to her. During the confrontation with Smek, Oh finally realized how Smek was wrong for causing the misunderstandings between Boov and Humans, and that he would never accept any Boov for showing individuality. Oh acknowledges everything that he previously thought about humans was wrong, and that Captain Smek was also wrong. He even looks ashamed to tell her that in the beginning, the Boov thought humans were simple and uncomplicated, and that they needed the Boov. He tells her he thinks the Boov should never have interfered with Earth, and that he's sorry for how it affected her. He doesn't say anything during his apology that would guilt Tip into responding a certain way; just gives an honest apology, and allows her the freedom to decide how she reacts. This is something that's incredibly meaningful coming from Oh. He's not trying to get anything from her, he's just apologizing for something he was complacent in and is now feeling regretful about. It's raw and heartfelt. She hands him the keys, and he looks surprised at first, then gives a huge smile, holding the keys close to his heart and turning orange.

The following scene is perhaps the most important one in the film, and is incredibly impactful. Accompanied by the gentle tune of a song that slowly gets louder as the movie switches from dialogue between characters to simply visual storytelling, we watch as Oh and Tip take turns driving, and exchange vulnerability with each other, both describing their own experiences with being misfits. We see them laughing together, taking selfies, and just in general enjoying each other's company. Tip completely accepts Oh for who he is, and in turn he lets his walls down, and is finally able to be himself. This is a real bond they've formed. They are truly friends. Both look nothing alike, yet have so much in common.

Finally, we see Oh taking his turn driving at night while Tip sleeps, and he goes to tuck her back in when her blanket falls down. As we hear Kiezca's 'Cannonball' playing in the background (and on the radio) he takes a moment to appreciate the things in the car, discovering he does indeed enjoy them. Finally, he adjusts his mirror to watch Tip sleep, and we see him slowly turn a brand new color: pink. If you were to recap his life so far, the significance of this moment becomes clear. Oh is outgoing and friendly, but he's never fit in in his entire life. No matter how hard he tried to fit in with the Boov, he simply had emotional needs that the rest of the Boov did not, and as such they did not care about or recognize his need. Tip is the first person who has ever listened to him and gotten to know him, and accepted him for who he is. She's his first friend. In this moment, he is looking at Tip, and he's feeling something he's never felt before: love. It feels like a part of him he's always been missing has finally been found. For the first time in his life, he feels like he belongs.

We find Oh further appreciating Tip's qualities when they find the Gorg super-chip; he was afraid to go towards the ship but she convinced him, and when it worked out he realized that her idea had worked out better than his would have. He realized he can achieve things through being brave rather than giving up; essentially, if you don't even try, you can never succeed. You can see in his expression after Tip smirks at him that he was surprised; he realized he had faced his fears, all because of Tip's help.

We see a monumental backslide in his progress when he leaves Tip instead of staying by her side and fulfilling his promise. His greatest challenge is revealed to be that he's still not brave; not brave enough to put his faith in the one he cares about, not brave enough to face his fears and stick by her no matter what. We do know that he's terrified; both of being left alone, and of losing Tip. He has just found a sense of belonging with Tip that he's never felt before, and he can't bear to lose that. He tries to bring her with him, and she feels betrayed and breaks off the friendship. The detail that went into this scene makes it incredibly impactful. It's raw and filled with emotion. For context, during the course of the movie, we only see a Boov go pale in the face during a few very intense situations, and said pale-ing was usually followed by fainting. This suggests that a lack of color is indicative of a much stronger, primal emotion: dread, or pain. When Tip turns and leaves, he loses pigment. He blanches, and staggers. There's a physical impact of Tip's words on Oh. This isn't simply sadness or fear he's feeling, it's anguish. It's his world falling apart, his heart breaking. He is quite literally torn in two, as he looks back and forth between his best friend and his chance at escape, changing rapidly from red to yellow to blue and back again. It emphasizes his turmoil; the panic he feels at seeing a rapidly closing window to decide what action to take, before he turns back to what he's always known, running away. There's high stakes on both sides, and we as an audience can feel his pain, as he displays clear indecision and helplessness at this impossible choice.

As the Boov travel farther from Earth, bringing the Gorg with them, Oh and Tip have never been farther apart. As the Gorg mothership closes in, everyone runs to the other side of the ship; all except Oh, who stares it down. He knows he can save everyone. He pulls out the super-chip, his gaze hardening with determination, and runs against the flow of the crowd to plant it in the control panel. Everyone stops to stare in disbelief, crowding around him afterwards, curious to hear him speak. Smek tries to ostracize him for acting unBoov-like, and Oh directly challenges him. He tells the listening crowd that he used to believe what Smek said was right, but he'd learned things that said otherwise. He talks about the human he met, and how she's smart and brave, and has an emotional capacity for caring for others that Boov lack. During this monologue, we see his skin turn pink again as he talks about Tip, reminding us as that he does still care about her. This also reminds him of his own actions, and he turns blue, concluding his speech by saying that the Boov may be better in some ways, but not in the ways he thinks are most important now. He realizes that Tip has strengths that are/would have been useful many times for the Boov. This is when it becomes apparent that he's regretting leaving; Tip made him stronger, and he now knows he can be as brave as she is.

Which is why it's an incredible payoff scene when he is made leader. He's surrounded by Boov who are cheering for him, but he feels lonelier than ever. He wanted to be accepted, but he wasn't ready to be looked up to. It doesn't feel right, he doesn't belong here. When he watches the view of Earth grow smaller as it fades into the distance, he actually cries, and catches a tear as it rolls down his cheek, a pensive look crossing his face. He pulls out Tip's keychain, and all in one instant he realizes why he's so miserable. He doesn't feel like he belongs here, because he belongs with Tip. It's where he's meant to be. He turns pink, looking hopeful, and in the next scene he turns up on earth, by himself, and finds Tip. It's not really necessary to explain why this is an important development; we can see everything there is to be said in the way they compose the scene. There's also the parallel shots where we see Tip and Oh both pushing through crowds and both looking completely alone despite all the people around them, emphasizing that they need each other. Oh just had to figure out he could follow Tip's example, what he'd learned from her bravery, to realize he could still salvage things. He realized a life feeling alone among the Boov was worth nothing, and a life with someone he truly cares about is worth facing any danger, no matter what may come.

Oh and Tip are reunited, and he tells her what he learned, that he realized she's his friend, and he belongs with her. You can see from the look they share that both of them feel this way. They've come full circle, to a full understanding and acceptance of each other.

Oh helps Tip find her mom, finally fulfilling his promise, and when the Gorg attack and he realizes it's because of the Boov, he tells Tip he's fixing his mistake, protecting the reunited family by making it so they're unable to chase him and be put in danger. He loves Tip, and he wants her and the human she cares most about to be safe. He's not about to let her risk losing that. So, bravely, yet stupidly, he runs to the Gorg mothership and holds up the thing they've been chasing the Boov for all this time. He tries to do it on his own, which is a major sign of his growth as a character, but the only reason the Gorg actually see him is because Tip has his back. He was fully prepared to sacrifice himself. When the ship is closing in on him, and the dust and sparks are blinding him, he turns around, and sees Tip running to him. He smiles, his trust fully in her; if he doesn't get out of this, she can save everyone else. He throws the rock to her before the ship covers him, choosing to put his faith in her in what he believes to be his final moments. He went from caring only about his own survival, to caring about the survival of his best friend, and wanting Tip to help make peace with the Gorg so the Boov and humans can be safe as well.

After we see Tip mourn for Oh before it's revealed that he's okay, she pulls him in for a hug, and he immediately embraces her back, then over Tip's shoulder we see him looking at her fondly, smiling, and he turns a vibrant pink as he closes his eyes and leans into the hug. Just by the look in his eyes in this scene, we can see that he's fully appreciating this being who cared about him enough to listen to him, to stand by him and stand up for him, and run after him when he's in danger. In this moment, he's getting a second chance to embrace her, when he went in not knowing if he'd ever see her again. In this moment it was all worth it. Because he looks at her, and he is home.

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deltaengineering · 3 years

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that was the winter anime 2021 that was

Still not quite ready for a dozen posts about how terrible the likes of Combatants Will Be Dispatched are, sorry. Watch Vivy though, it owns. Here’s some more things that are (mostly) good. As always, worst to best.

Yatogame-chan Kansatsu Nikki S3

Yatogame has long run out of hot Nagoya facts and its ensemble comedy never amounted to much, so now it seems mostly content to just spam more and more wacky character designs. About the only thing that it has left going for it is that 3 minutes a week are more effort to drop than to watch, so I expect them to make a movie next. 4/10

Go-toubun no Hanayome S2

Quints is a weird one. S1 was a barely good enough (i.e., well above average) implementation of the ages old harem chestnut. S2 is actually better at the core of its appeal, since it gives all the characters a sharper profile (things like taking Nino from joke to badass and making Ichika a villain are no mean feat), but it does pay a steep price for it. You see, to deliver a steady drip feed of meaningful character moments it apparently has to rush through the source material at a breakneck pace, which completely wrecks the "story" part of this story and makes every episode seem like a recap. And it still keeps wasting precious time on vestigial nonsense like its framing device and the Kyoto flashback scenario that was already the worst part of S1. But by far the most annoying aspect is its insistence on keeping all the options valid, since it prevents any real progress and makes everything seem arbitrary and pointless. So sure enough, after a season of much ado we still don't end up anywhere — you can't really raise the stakes if all at stake was "who wins" to begin with. It's watchable and even enjoyable scene-for-scene but it's getting harder and harder to call it a solid show overall. 5/10

Skate Leading Stars

I was watching this primarily because I didn't like Yuri on Ice much and wanted to see if something that is a blatant attempt to cash in on it would be better — because while YoI delivers on one aspect (being hella gay), it really is an absolute shambles of a sports show. And sure enough, Skate Leading has none of the auteur appeal of YoI, but it just works much better. In particular I appreciate how it managed to make me care even a little about a cast of assholes, which is a nice contrast to the nauseatingly ingratiating way YoI tries to make you love its characters. Also, Skate Leading is just generally cheap and unambitious, so not susceptible to trying hard and painfully flaming out on the presentation side like YoI is. But at some point you gotta let go of these comparisons and on its own Skate Leading is... just fine, I guess? Competent, mildly engaging, not very memorable. And that's probably where it loses to Yuri on Ice in the end after all, even if I think it's "better". 6/10

Idoly Pride

Idoly Pride sold itself on me with a really good (and hilarious/tragic) first episode that was just too bizarre to ignore — I mean, how can you ignore GHOST IDOL MANAGERS. Well, the majority of the show isn't like that. It's a competent and solid version of the idol franchise show, yes, but it really had more potential than that. Especially midseason, it gets lost in these dozens of characters, and while they're all likeable, it does seem like a waste of a good story just centered on Mana/Kotona/Sakura. By the end it comes back around to the heart of the matter with a Maeda-style sob story, which could be a disaster but seasoned veteran Jukki Hanada makes it work anyway. Overall, there's quite a bit of ridiculous hacky melodrama in this, but quite honestly that's the best part and I wish it would concentrate more on it. The rest is just okay. 6/10

Yuru Camp S2

Yuru Camp is still likely the best pure iyashikei show when it gets down to business. Compared to S1 though, this seems to happen less and less. At its peaks (i.e., basically any quiet moment with Rin) it's at least as good as ever, and there's some good cast additions like Mini-Inuko, but it appears that Yuru Camp simply has run out of things you can do with camping and it fills up the time with other... stuff. This stuff includes the generic school club shenanigans it was never particularly good at, and a gigantic helping of crass consumerism. Yeah, I would say the majority of Yuru Camp is just a straight up infomercial at this point, which itself ranges from the perfectly acceptable (which cute anime isn't about food constantly), to the sketchy (I don't know whether the Izu tourism board cut this production a fat check, but if they didn't, Yuru Camp still gives its best effort to make it seem that way) to the highly irritating – I am aware that camping requires gear and you can't just ignore that, but you most definitely do not require whole arcs dedicated to talking about raising funds for the purposes of acquiring the Lamp of Comfy Happiness at your friendly local Caribou™ either. Not to mention an arc where the aforementioned lame school club does the same, for double irritation. Make no mistake, this show is so riddled with scenes that beg for a solution to embed affiliate links in video files that it makes me wish I was watching something as anticapitalist and underground as Love Live. And irritating really is the last thing a show with this core concept, as stellar as it is at that, can afford to be. Bummer. 6/10

SKOO the Infinity

Skoo has one really huge asset: ADAM, its magnificent villain. It also has one really huge liability: Reki, its not magnificent protagonist. To be more specific, it's very good at anything outrageous, physics-defying and silly, such as most scenes ADAM is in, and quite bad at anything serious, dramatic (in a serious way) and down to earth, such as most scenes Reki is in. So, what's the verdict? Well, the rest of the cast is more ADAM-like, and Reki's co-protagonist Langa is fine as the straight (yeah, right) man. The tedious buddy drama is a comparatively small part of this show, and at least it pays off quite well in the end. Seriously, I was ready to give this a 6, but the final episode is probably the best one of the show, in all of its aspects. That's really not something you see often. Skoo's a great time. Except when it's not. 7/10

Non Non Biyori Nonstop

Speaking of the rare good ending, what about we gave one of those to a slim and inconsequential slice-of-life show? NNB has always been solid, comfy and amusing quality with a couple of standout moments (usually something with Renge), and Nonstop has that plus an ending as conclusive as any show of this type is ever going to have. Besides, it does a lot of things right by focusing on more characters than the central 4 (especially Konomi has great material in S3), it expands the universe just enough to not get stale, and it moves things forward — It's definitely a lot better than the movie, is what I'm saying. Apart from that, well, we're three seasons in, if you have any interest in this you probably don't need me to explain what's good about NNB at this point. Bonus points for being nothing but an ad for the manga. 7/10

Wonder Egg Priority

Oh boy, so here's the big one. Wonder Egg is the rare Meaningful Arthouse Show About Real Issues You Guys, as you might have heard. And well, the long and short of it is that it's a very good show with quite a few glaring problems (besides not actually being finished due to production issues, but what we have is enough of an ending to be able to meaningfully talk about it). In particular, one problem: WEP is, at its core, one of these metaphorical Magical Girl-ish series that are just a thin layer of abstraction over coming-of-age or societal problems. The issue is that "metaphorical" in this case means "literal" and "thin" means "basically nonexistent". This show is not subtle regarding what it's about, at all. This is a double-edged sword — on the positive side, some things really should just be said aloud, and I'm really, really fucking tired of the Ikuhara style of "here's some wacky things, maybe a blog post will eventually tell you how it's actually about the most important thing ever" obfuscation — if it's really so important, just spell it out. On the other hand, there are limits to this and when a second, different Ai appears I don't really need a voiceover line telling me that yep, this show is about parallel universes now. WEP spells out many important things, but it also spells out many things that are implicitly clear or better left vague. Not to mention that with being so obvious up front, the show's tendency to leave figuring out what it's actually saying about it up to the viewer can leave the wrong impression. Again, I settled on the opinion that it's subtle after all where it counts the most, but you might easily get the impression that it pulls its punches (Ikuhara does this the exact other way around — once you figure out what the fuck he's talking about it's abundantly clear what he's saying about it).

In fact, this show is so good at subtle, quiet character moments that it calls into question the need for big huge fighting fantasy layer in the first place, especially since I'm not a fan of the fantasy designs and the fights aren't great. Sure, they look impressive on a technical level (this show is very good looking in general), but the lack of actual impact or rhythm makes me think this is not made by people who are very familiar with action and maybe they should have asked some seasoned shounen veterans for this — or just, you know, not do it. They can (and do) impress with character acting in quiet scenes just the same. And while Ai's character story actually does pay off quite nicely by the end we got, and Momoe and Rika are also handled well, Neiru's backstory is significantly less good, not to mention the whole Frill subplot regarding the show's mythology that they introduced just before (and that's the part to be resolved at a later date), which is a huge can of worms. We'll see how well they handle that, I suppose, but as it is it's a weird and vestigial detour that doesn't add much besides thematic headaches.

But yeah, apart from all that — I like it, a lot. Great character writing in the details, cool looks for the most part, tons of ambition, and a message that I consider to be appropriately handled — for the most part, and for now. Not quite ambitious arthouse anime at its finest, but also not a pretentious disaster like Sarazanmai, Monogatari et al. 8/10

#anime #review #winter2021 #Yatogame-chan Kansatsu Nikki #Go-toubun no Hanayome #Skate Leading Stars #Idoly Pride #Yuru Camp #sk8 the infinity #Non Non Biyori #wonder egg priority

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demenior · 3 years

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Dem’s Big Post About The Spn Fics Part 1/2

aka The Wrap Up to celebrate To Exist Again and To Become a Man now being finished!

(This will be a long post. This is your only warning.)

Admittedly this is a bit of a weird thing to be doing, but I wanted to try it out for 3 reasons:

I love talking about my own work and

It functions really well as a self-reflective tool for me to improve on, and

I can answer some big questions people might have because there was a LOT of worldbuilding in these stories.

We’ll start off with reflective stuff, and move into the juicier world-building focused stuff later into the post. There will be major spoilers for both fics to come!

To begin with a funny anecdote, Why Did I Write These Stories?

I was beginning to write and work out the story that I wanted to write for Spn (what will now be To Destroy a Man. As I was writing the scene, I realized I had a LOT of ideas and while I was trying to avoid as much exposition as I could, it became quickly apparent that I was needing to create my own au (this scene eventually became chapter 34 of To Become a Man). A short prequel seemed like a good idea, to quickly hash out the ‘prior’ events that I needed to go through so all the readers could be on the same page. While plotting out prequel points, I realized Sam and Dean were going to have drastically different experiences during the same time period, and I was trying to figure out who’s pov would be better for which scenes, and how to keep momentum when they’re going through such radically different types of changes. Ultimately I decided to split their povs, which I also thought would be a fun project! And I naively assumed each pov would take about 2 chapters each, rounding out to maybe 15k total.

I had my ending points: Dean n Cas soul-merged and (basically) married, Cas on the lam from heaven and a complete anomaly, and Sam juiced up full of powers and a weird mix of archangel and antichrist but still 100% human and ready to fight God.

Now I needed to add weight to these changes, so I wrote 200k of build-up.

Am I proud of these fics?

OF COURSE I AM!!! These are the longest fics I’ve ever written AND finished AND in the fastest freakin turnaround ever (both were finished writing, barring edits, in like 6 months holy shit)

I didn’t write a single scene that I “didn’t” want to write. If I had trouble writing it, as in it was fighting me, I scrapped it. Most obviously was the scene in Dean’s pov where he and Sam were intended to meet some other hunters and Dean declines working with them because he’s nervous about being outed as queer. It was meant to be a good scene! I wanted to introduce some new characters! But it just wasn’t working so I said ‘thank you, next!’.

But it means this story was an absolute joy to write. Because for a while all I was doing was ‘if I wanted to write one scene into supernatural, what would I write?’ and then just DID that!! It’s why there’s a lot of ‘Salmondean do dumb shit or have really dumb heartfelt conversations’ scenes.

Would I change anything?

If I’d been less eager to start sharing, I might have planned out the story beats a little tighter so there were less ‘soft’ chapters and a draw/pull for people to come back and keep reading. I felt Dean’s story specifically lagged at points and could have used some tighter editing (there was a noticeable lull in directed movement between Dean n Cas getting together, until Sam corrupts Amy).

I also probably would have held Sam’s story until I’d finished Dean’s so I could make the two line up better! Probably could have inserted more scenes into Sam’s fic that way, and made sure things were a little more consistent. In an ideal world one concept I had was to release 1 chapter from each pov every week that would correspond to the same time frame so we’d be getting real-time SalmonDean pov narrative. Unfortunately that didn’t work!

The biggest takeaway overall is for me to focus more on what moves the plot, and to make my scenes do more than 1 thing so I can cut down on wordcount and increase my efficiency.

Of course every writer will find things they want to fix in anything they’ve ever written, so these are minor “mistakes” at best. I’m so dang proud of these fics.

Onto more interesting things!

How Did I Put These Fics Together (because it’s different than anything I’ve ever done before)

Normally when I write a story, I plan out the beats I need to hit, see where I need to insert any kind of foreshadowing/buildup, and then write from A to B to C and so on and so forth. Hence, this is why I can normally post things as I complete chapters, because it’s all a linear progression.

For these two stories, rather than linear plot/a normal story structure, I just sat and free-wrote any and every scene that came to mind and then pieced them into a kinda-linear form like putting a quilt together. You’ll note that this is why there’s not a lot of internal callback or a feeling of sense of time flowing within the fic (save for points where I went back and specifically edited it in). How long does the story take place over? Hard to say! Your author has the barest grasp on linear time even on a good day (how many times did I say ‘see you on [wrong day]’ at the end of chapters lmaaoooo)

This also meant EXTENSIVE editing on the back end once I decided in what order I wanted my ‘quilt pieces’ to be. Hard to say if this is a bonus or a negative!

But I did want to try and capture the vibe of the lives they lead, as a bit of a ‘slice of life’-style story, when the slice of life is the profound weirdness of the Winchester roaming life, and how things are status quo- until everyone almost dies oh shit!! And then they have to keep living because no therapy we die/undie like Winchesters. Do I think I captured this effectively? Hmm. Good question.

Dem where the FUCK did the inspiration for a lot of the magic and creature weirdness even come from?

Honestly? Music, primarily. And completely mishearing lyrics!

Nightwish ‘Ever Dream’: the line is ‘my song can but borrow you grace’ and because my brain is scrambled eggs on a good day, I heard ‘grace’ ‘song’ and ‘borrow’ in that order and have had, for YEARS, the mental image of Cas borrowing Dean’s soul to power himself up for battle.

From there I’ve always been enamored with the ‘wavelength of celestial intent’ descriptor that Cas drops in s6 for “what he is”.

I also really like ocean metaphors mostly because I’ve been obsessed with the ocean and things in it since I was like… 5??? So really this was me just rolling with what I know lmao. I love using (somewhat) accurate scientific metaphors for very intangible things!

I was also finishing my degree in biology/ecology while writing these fics and I think it shows

Stars ‘The Night Starts Here’ gives us the series title and the fic titles. Except for ‘To Exist Again’. TEA was almost titled ‘The Upwards Fall’ because I wanted all 3 of the Main Stories to have titles from this song, but I couldn’t make anything else work in tandem with the series name ‘The Love It Takes’ while also working for Sam’s personal story. So Sam, as always, is the rebel <3

Stars ‘Up In Our Bedroom, After The War’ is basically the vibes of the whole story. TFW has been, literally, to hell and back!!! There’s a bit of melancholy and sadness, a lingering dark, but the chance of a bright new tomorrow and a soft start.

Let’s Talk About Themes in The Story! What were you looking to accomplish?

My earliest notes for TFW are, as follows:

Dean’s journey of self-discovery (who am I when I’m not trying to be Dad?)

Dean wants to settle down! He wants a big family! He wants to be domestic!

Basically: Dean doesn’t want to have a short life of hunting. He wants to live!

Dean’s journey of realizing he’s bi, and him accepting that

Dean’s relationship to Sam is both older brother/parent

And continuing Dean balancing these roles while also letting Sam be an adult

Dean’s Big Issues/Fears about never being good enough for people to want to stay with him (these are effectively highlighted in that Cas thinks he’s not useful enough to be wanted)

Sub Plot:

Castiel’s autonomy

Cas’ fall from grace, to trying to restore Heaven, to wrecking it further

He’s majorly depressed by the end of s7 (before purgatory)

Wants to stay in Purgatory but doesn’t tell Dean

Remains depressed after leaving, but resolved to keep living on because he’s clearly meant for something

After the seraphim reveal: does he have free will?! How does he grapple with this? How does he live in a way he can be proud of?

And lastly

Sam gets his powers back CAUSE THATS HOT

where tf did they go????

he got them from Lucifer?????

sleeper agent??????

Sam is The Chosen One

Accepts that he is More Than Human and to celebrate all parts of him

Lucifer and Sam friends?? Work together????

Sam needs autonomy in his choices/his life

If you compare these to the overall arc of TFW within the two stories, I think I got a lot of them! But you’ll also note a lot of these things aren’t concrete goals that are easily measurable (ex: Dean wants to learn to bake pie. In chapter 1 he starts a fire in the kitchen. By the end of the story he finally makes A Good Pie.) part of the lack of concrete milestones was why I felt it was important to tell Dean (and Cas’) story by going back to the point they meet, in s4! Dean’s gradual change towards his feelings for Cas, his relationship to Sam (heavily influenced by the s7 events of this fic) and then his own relationship with himself were such slow burns that I felt it would be a disservice to try and cram a change like that into a timeline like “1 year”.

I felt like these subtle changes and adjustments actually felt a lot truer to life-- people often change in very small, gradual ways over time, even without realizing it and often times not consistently! If only we could all gain skills like the sims, where we can easily level up and remain at that high level of performance!

So the Guy Who Ate Satan, A Celestial Nuke that Developed Sentience, and Dean walk into a bar…

Sam’s story in Spn The Show has always been a ‘chosen one’ kind of narrative. Sam is living with one foot in the realm of the monsters, and I wanted to bring that back full force! It really makes sense for him that he should only continue to grow in power, might, and magic!! As the story progresses.

Cas also got a power up! I do desperately love in the show that he was kind of a grunt/nothing angel, and so even when he defected to TFW he was a huge help for them, but in the scale of things he was an annoying fly to most other angels. It really worked for the underdog story of s4/5. In this I wanted to give him a power up, and originally it was actually going to be close contact with Sam that eventually changed Cas into something unknown (you can still see traces of this in ch34 of TBAM, where Death remarks ‘Castiel could be [Sam’s] first creation’. But for a combo of reasons: how Sam’s magic needed to have intent, the entire concept of free will and consent, and how much I wanted Dean and Cas to have their effect on each other, I decided to go with the route that Cas has actually always been something angel-adjacent rather than becoming something new. TFW/Supernatural has always been about free will and making your own story, so I amplified that with Cas.

Dean has always been A Normal Guy, which is part of the appeal of him and Sam (2 normal dudes!) taking on the Very Not Normal. As explained above, Sam’s story is ‘normal guy finds out he’s the chosen one’ and so, in a story about very large concepts and huge monsters and acts of magic, I felt it was very important to keep Dean as normal as possible. To the point it became a running gag to me, personally, in that ‘no matter what cool shit happens around him, Dean has to stay as Just A Guy’. And it’s a very humanizing role that allows the story to have the scale it does!

What were the most important themes in your story?

Sam’s Autonomy

I wasn’t even going to include the plot about Lucifer’s death in this story— that was going to come up in a later story, actually! And rather than Sam having ate Lucifer, the original idea was that they’d become a SamandLucifer entity (this harkens back to a concept I wanted to write when Swan Song first aired).

That storyline would have involved a lot of mental ‘Sam and Lucifer discuss what it means to live, which one of them is more worthy of life and if they do deserve to destroy the world for the pain they’ve been forced to go through, just to create the dichotomy of good and evil for everyone else’ discussions. There would be a lot of talk about how Sam hates and fears Lucifer for the pain Lucifer put on Sam, how Lucifer hates Sam because he and Sam are the same but Sam’s brother loves him anyways, etc.

Ultimately that was scrapped because Sam’s entire story in the show is always about how the world and everyone around him manipulates him and that he never actually gets to make choices about his own life or body that aren’t influenced or part of someone elses’ design. And that always bothered me that Sam was never allowed to be himself without having to be ashamed of it, and I wanted to make sure that Sam’s triumph of being proud of himself/proudly choosing to exist (again) was evident in his story

In the end I needed Sam to have this visceral win over his tormentor. As the story shows, in this case Lucifer was abused and put into a position where he was incapable of empathy and could only express himself in violence. Sam even understands this! But it doesn’t change the fact that Lucifer tortured Sam in unimaginable ways for thousands of years.

With that in mind I didn’t like the idea of Lucifer and Sam having “co-ownership” of their new identity, so I made the choice that Sam had to be the survivor. This tied in well with Sam’s new crusade to restore free will to the universe, because he’s breaking the narrative of his own story!

While Castiel wasn’t a pov character, his own autonomy and free will was equally as important. You’ll note that many, many paragraphs and conversations revolved around that theme and that in the end Cas followed himself (and love!) which ensured his freedom of self <3

The Brothers are WEIRD PEOPLE!!!! And Codependent to a Worrying Degree, but It’s Also How They Survive

It’s very hard to show “unusual” relationships when you’re writing from the pov of the two people who don’t think there’s anything weird about their relationship. Sure, they say ‘yeah it’s probably weird that we still share a bed’ but that’s kinda more in line with ‘I had a nightmare and I want to be close to the person who makes me feel safe’. Hashtag normalize co-sleeping when you need it!!!

From there I did try to point out how the boys have a weird perception of lifestyle in the little things they did.

From thrifting everything from clothes to appliances to books (thrifting is a valid lifestyle! It’s incredibly handy when you’re on a budget.)

To never actually having condiments or knowing how to use a dishwasher cause they’ve lived in a car, a motel room, or squatted in old houses their whole life.

I tried to have them wear each others’ clothes or casually swap things as much as possible. They live out of each others’ pockets!

Also the brothers are just weird people!! It’s hard to show from their pov, cause they don’t know how far off from normal they are, but like…

Everything about Sam and Amelia was NOT right like holy shit those two were wilding in their grief. They are very lucky things worked out for them and that they got to be hashtag Weird Girls together

Dean explicitly, in the story, gets horny after killing stuff!! Violence has done a number on his psyche and he’s gotten some wires crossed that maybe shouldn’t have been, or maybe could be worked out in a safe space but… uh… how likely do we think Dean is gonna go find a safe space to deal with any of his shit???

LOVE!!! Love is truly what this whole story is all about

If you’ve read the stories, you know how much emphasis I put on love. Love is the strongest force in the Spn Universe! It’s what averted the apocalypse and saved the world (Swan Song), it’s what created free will (Cas’ entire arc!) I love love!!!!

I went out of my way to not put any definitions on platonic love vs romantic love because I think love is love is love and how you express that is the difference. Neither is more powerful than the other because LOVE is powerful!! Sam and Cas are the most important people in Dean’s life and he loves them equally! He shows this by giving Cas kisses and stealing Sam’s socks.

It’s a personal pet peeve of mine when I have to hear explanations like ‘I love you, like a brother’ or ‘I love you, but like, as a friend because I’m a lesbian and you’re a man’ etc etc in media. If you have to continuously define how your characters love each other, then I don’t think you’re doing a good job of portraying their relationship. So you’ll see that I never put those parameters in any conversation. Dean DOES muse that he loves Cas differently than he loves Sam or Bobby, specifically because there is a romantic and sexual tone that his feelings for Cas takes, but not because he loves Cas more or less than he loves Sam or Bobby.

Which means, if you haven’t realized it yet, the Series + Fic Titles are meant to be a complete sentence because the power of love IS the thesis of this series:

The Love It Takes To Exist Again (Sam’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Become a Man (Dean’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Destroy a Man (TBA)

And now for fun stuff. Behind the scenes!!

What’s Something People Probably Don’t Know?

The demonic fungal/hydrothermal vent growth on Sam’s arm was thrown in literally as I was posting the chapter because I had just finished a 48 hour cram session of writing a report on tube worms for an ecology class (I was chanting my tube worm song as I wrote it) and it ended up being a HUGE hit with both readers and myself. But it was so last minute I had trouble fitting it in more throughout the rest of Sam’s story!

Cas’ orders? That may or may not have bound him to Dean and removed his free will? Were written into Sam’s story and I went ‘oh SHIT that’s compelling’ and then left them there as a ‘guess I’ll figure that out when I get to Dean’s story lol’

Originally Dean and Cas were supposed to get together after having their souls bonded, and have been in a UST limbo the entire time before that. Mostly because I think the entire concept of ‘we just got married of the soul I guess we should try dating?’ is very funny. CLEARLY the two of them were way more eager to fall in love than I anticipated (thank you Cas for your honesty) but you can still see shades of this original idea here and there (especially in ch35 of TBAM)

I never intended Dean and Benny to connect so well!! Benny was going to reunite with Andrea, she was going to live, and they were going to go off into the world and leave the story. And, uh, here we are. I’m still debating if I need to adjust the relationship tag or not haha. Polyamory is fun, especially when I was planning for Sam to be the polyamorous brother...

Speaking of, I can’t believe I forgot about Sam and his sexuality! If I rewrote TEA I would have had Sam contemplate more on his lack of sexual appetite due to trauma, up until he meets Benny and he gets to rediscover how he wants to be a sexual person

Many of Sam and Dean’s absolutely stupid sibling conversations were lifted near-verbatim from conversations I’ve had with my siblings

And lastly...

Dem where’s Kevin????????????? Where is our sweet baby boy????????

He’s SAFE!! He’s in the Hunter pipeline somewhere cause Sam handed him off to Bobby’s people. He and his mom are safe and at some point they probably got rib sigils like SalmonDean did against angels, but for demons. I didn’t have room in this story for him!!! But my baby boy is SAFE and I want to get him back to university because it’s WHAT HE DESERVES!!!!

To that point: god there were/are SO many characters that I just didn’t include in the story so far because I didn’t feel comfortable including them without stalling the story for them. To that point: pretty much everyone who is alive/dead in s8 is that way in this story, except Bobby who gets to live.

[Check Out Part 2 for reader questions!]

#the love it takes series #to exist again fic #to become a man fic #dem speaks

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astudyinfreewill · 4 years

Text

Something Wicked This Way Comes: or, the Rising Dark in Ronan’s Arc

as some of you may know because i never shut up about witch!adam i’ve been convinced for a while now that adam would go darkside in the dreamer trilogy. what i did not predict however, was that ronan is probably headed down a dark path himself. i thought the basic premise of the trilogy would have ronan in danger from both the nightwash and the zed hunters (which obviously still applies; he is very much in danger from those things), and adam striking some sort of dark bargain in an attempt to protect him. but after reading cdth, i think things might be about to take a more sinister turn.

so here are some thoughts i’ve been poring over, under a cut for length. what can you expect? well, there’s rambling! there’s bullet points! there are lyrics-inspired section headings! (we have fun around here.)

let’s start with the obvious, shall we?

1. “The Sandman, He Comes”

so...bryde.

we don’t know much about bryde - who or what he is, how he’s able to infiltrate ronan’s dreams, whether he can do it to other dreamers too, why he didn’t want to reveal himself, what’s his agenda - but what we do know is that ronan trusted him very, very fast. suspiciously fast, in fact. fast enough that adam remarks on it in chapter 39: “earlier today you had a gun on me. i’m just asking you give him the same shake as me”.

to clarify: in the previous chapter, ronan was shaken enough to hold a gun to adam, the love of his life, and not lower it even when he feels reasonably sure it’s him; yet it never occurs to him in the book to question bryde or his motives. when adam says he wants scry to try and get more info on him, ronan seems almost annoyed by adam’s wariness (ronan narrowed his eyes. “don’t gimme that look, ronan”) to which adam replies, understandably, that it’s only fair ronan holds a complete stranger to the same safety standards as his own boyfriend, at least.

but why shouldn’t ronan trust bryde (apart from the fact that he has no information about him whatsoever)? well, bryde’s behaviour is pretty damn shady, and extremely reminiscent of the ways that a cult leader might try to recruit people to his cause. @deerlovelylily discussed it very eloquently in this post, but just to recap:

bryde is able to access ronan’s dreams at will, including interacting with objects from them: he had the hoverboard at the end, and he knew exactly what was on the stomach of the murder crabs. (@streghe had a very clever suggestion that there’s a nonzero chance bryde actually caused the crabs to manifest in the dorm, since ronan barely saw them in the dream; why would bryde do that? well, to make sure ronan was cut off from adam, his real life support system and, coincidentally, a psychic who doesn’t trust bryde)

there is considerable evidence that he can access ronan’s memories/other parts of his subconscious as well, since he knows a lot more about his waking life than he should, constantly referencing people and events from it (as well as obviously knowing where ronan is/what he’s up to, which is very stalkerish in itself)

bryde uses this knowledge to manipulate and influence ronan through the words of people in ronan’s life. in ch. 58 he asks ronan “are you going to be quiet?”, which we know from trk is what niall used to say to the brothers before telling them a story. in ch. 43, he talks about the “emotional costs” of saving someone’s life, mirroring almost exactly the words of warning adam had told ronan in ch. 33 (“there’s such thing as an emotional cost”). adam was warning ronan about trusting bryde too easily, and we know ronan values adam’s opinion; by repeating adam’s words to him bryde is pulling a see, i can’t possibly have shady motives, because i am acknowledging the same risk adam warned you about.

that’s far from the only manipulative thing bryde does. his behaviour constantly alternates between praising ronan, guilting him, taunting him, and ordering him about.

in ch. 43 he tells ronan he’s “the most expensive thing he’s ever saved”, reinforcing the idea that A) ronan is special, B) bryde cares about him, and C) it cost him a lot to save ronan so ronan should feel grateful/guilty/indebted to him. he does this knowing full well that ronan isn’t going to doubt his motives for saving him, because ronan himself - brave boy that he is - has just told him he would save a dreamer without any questions asked.

bryde never shows himself to ronan until the very end, which has the combined effects of keeping him in the dark/at a disadvantage, and making him more intrigued by bryde’s mystery; at the same time, he constantly asks ronan to prove himself and earn the dubious privilege of finally meeting him (“next box”)

bryde promises things that he knows ronan wants: first and foremost, understanding of his dreamer powers; second, a community, by hooking him up with other dreamers (ronan’s been asking what am i, why isn’t there anyone like me, am i the only one? for a long time); last but not least, he heavily hints that he can free dreams from their dreamers, something ronan is desperate to do in order to give matthew his freedom

on more than one occasion, bryde gives ronan direct orders: “scrub [the word ‘real’] from your vocabulary”; “i don’t want you to think this ever again: it was just a dream”. and ronan obeys him, or is at least very affected by it. where he at first questioned whether his dreams of bryde were real, now he questions reality (e.g. holding a gun to his very real boyfriend and asking himself what is real?); in ch. 24 he thinks about the words just a dream and how bryde “had forbidden him from ever saying them again”. since when does ronan follow orders? who is bryde to “forbid” him to do anything?

bryde constantly deploys examples Us VS Them rhetoric, creating a schism between dreamers and humanity, magic and humanity. we know (and bryde probably knows) ronan has always struggled with not feeling human and not knowing what he is; that he deeply wants to be able to fit into the real world. what bryde is effectively saying is no, you’re not human, in fact humans and magic are enemies, and the real world is not for you... unless you can shape it to your will.

to me, bryde’s spiels sound very... dreamer-supremacist, for lack of a better term. at the moment, dreamers are oppressed by the moderators, so they’re right to rebel; but there’s an emphasis on dreamers being more powerful than anyone else, and what they could do with that power. it kind of reminds me of magneto re: mutants in the marvel universe. and i think that is the direction he’s headed in: separate ronan from his human family and escalate the conflict between humans and dreamers much further than simple self-defense from the moderators.

there’s plenty of reasons to be mistrustful (if not outright skeeved the fuck out), right? so why does ronan trust bryde? well, several reasons.

2. “On The Right Side Of Rock Bottom”

ronan is at the lowest that he’s been since tdt. it’s better and worse at the same time -- in a way, it’s worse because it’s better. in tdt, ronan was deeply in denial about himself and the things he wanted; now he knows what he wants (a happy life with adam) and can’t go after it, trapped at the barns. in tdt, ronan was suicidal; now he wants to live, and so of course his life is threatened on all sides, internally by the nightwash, externally by the moderators.

through all of trc, one of ronan’s main goals was to return to the barns, feeling like his key to happiness was in his childhood home. but as it turns out (and as i suspected all along), being stuck alone and isolated on a dream farm surrounded by eerie sleeping things and a handful of incredibly traumatic memories of his dead parents isn’t as fulfilling as ronan imagined. to make things worse, he’s created a security system for the barns that causes him to relive his fears and traumas over and over (ronan for the love of God, why would you dream something like that). his brothers live in DC, which is close, but not that close -- and though he’s mending fences with declan, they still are somewhat at odds. his best friends, gansey and blue, are travelling the country with henry, and we know from the opal story ronan misses them and feels left behind. at the start of cdth he tries to escape by following adam to cambridge -- and that immediately goes pear-shaped, whether by accident or, as said above, by sabotage.

now ronan is truly alone, cut off from visiting adam, living with the guilt of wrecking his dorm and the self-loathing following the fact that adam had to tell people he’s, essentially, an unstable drunk (the place he actually was at in tdt). it feels like the progress has been erased. this is the first time since tdt ronan has hit rock bottom, and cdth tells us he sinks into depression, staying in bed for days, not showering or changing, eating expired food. he thinks of a life trapped at the barns alone doing nothing, and feels understandably suffocated. all the more so because it feels like everyone else is moving on - declan has his own life, gansey/blue/henry have their adventures, and adam... well, adam is growing up, which ronan feels he himself can’t do. this comes up at several points in the book: in ch. 5 ronan doesn’t recognize adam, noting he’s “growing from something beaten down into whoever he was supposed to be”, but finds it ridiculous that adam doesn’t recognize him because he’s still the same: “adam was changing; ronan couldn’t.” later, in ch.23, he notes that he often dreams of adam as older/more adult, while ronan himself is stuck in arrested development.

essentially: ronan is stuck. so of course, any lead that comes up - whether that’s mór ó corra, the new fenian, hennessy, or bryde, is going to make him reckless and ready to risk everything, because anything is better than being buried alive at the barns.

3. “Guilty, On the Run, And I Know What I Have Done”

remember how i said ronan hits rock bottom at the start of the book? well, it’s time to grab a shovel and keep digging, because then there’s the matthew thing.

so... we learn very early on in the book (in case we didn’t already know from trc) that ronan feels deeply torn about his dreaming. he loves to create, but feels guilty about creating life, because that feels like an act of hubris against God to him. and he feels especially guilty about creating matthew, because that means A) that matthew’s safety and life depend on ronan’s, and B) that matthew essentially has no free will, something that’s very important to catholic morals.

the moment matthew figures out he’s a dream-thing, and calls ronan out on lying to him, ronan is dropped into a fiery pit of shame, guilt, and self-loathing (and we already know that all of ronan’s emotions which are not happiness manifest as anger). he remains despondent even in dreams, and essentially, refuses to deal with matthew’s hurt and disappointment. which on one hand is justified, because he has ~Dramatic Dreamer Developments~ happening; but on the other hand, he’s essentially avoiding responsibility towards his brother, lashing out at declan in needlessly mean ways when declan tries to get him to be there for matthew (“dad’s working, sweetie”... really?). it’s a kind of pettiness that ronan hasn’t displayed in a while, and it speaks to me of his own restlessness and self-loathing more than anything.

we already know ronan feels alone, frustrated, isolated, scared, trapped -- now he also feels guilty on top of it all, and it just redoubles his determination to free matthew (something bryde has hinted he can do, knowing the power it would have on ronan). this is ronan at his worst, and we see it not just in how dismissive he is of declan, but in how he treats hennessy in chapter 67. he wants hennessy to dream up the lace, so he can show her how to stop dreaming of it (which in itself is dangerous, since lindenmere can manifest dreams, and in fact it ends up almost killing hennessy). but he gets absolutely furious when hennessy can’t dream properly -- because she’s, you know, kind of stuck on the slightly traumatic memory of witnessing her mom killing herself in front of her. it’s something you’d expect ronan to have sympathy for, seeing as he’s witnessed both of his parents’ violent deaths. instead, he’s impatient, snappy, insisting hennessy isn’t trying hard enough -- and downright cruel, shooting hennessy’s clone before her eyes, then trying to force her to shoot herself (especially relevant when you remember the church scene in bllb, and how shaken ronan was at having to kill a copy of himself).

this new ronan, it seems, has reached rock bottom and then some, and he’s got no time for empathy anymore. we see this in the metaphor of lindenmere, a darker, scarier, more dangerous version of cabeswater (i.e. trc ronan), because “dangerous things can protect themselves”. we see this once again at the end, when he assumes his sundogs have torn someone apart limb from limb and he feels absolutely no regret, only rage. yes, matthew was in danger... but kavinsky also tried to kill matthew in tdt, and ronan still didn’t feel like he could kill kavinsky in cold blood. this is a new, darker ronan, brought to this point by desperation. he reminds me a lot of anakin in the prequel star wars movies (i know, i know...) and how he let his fear lead him to the dark side by trusting a powerful, shady mentor that he should never have trusted. how does it go? “fear leads to anger, anger leads to hatred, hatred leads to suffering.” and suffering leads to - or maybe is the dark side.

4.“Holding Out For A Hero”

still, you might say, why is ronan falling for bryde’s manipulation so easily? can he not see through it? how can he trust someone he doesn’t know, someone who refuses to be upfront with him? someone his psychic boyfriend with an uncanny character judging skills is understandably wary of?

in short... ronan needs a hero.

or well, he needs a father, and those things are the same to him. ronan idolised niall, and he’s missed him terribly ever since niall diad. he missed him badly enough that he wanted to die for a very long time. now he’s coming to terms with the fact niall isn’t coming back, and not just that, but it turns out that niall might not be everything ronan thought he was (ronan hasn’t fully realised it yet, but he’ll get there; he’s starting to put the pieces together, from what declan and other people tell him of niall).

but if he accepts that niall’s gone, and worse, that niall wasn’t the infallible hero ronan thought he was... who has he got left to guide him? niall wasn’t just his father, either, but he was the only dreamer ronan knew for the longest time (the only other one was kavinsky, who sexually assaulted him and tried to kill his brother, so... not a great example) and yet he didn’t give ronan any guidance. and ronan needs dreamer guidance right now, with the nightwash threatening to kill him at every step.

enter bryde, promising all that and more. bryde’s not only a dreamer, he comes across like the alpha dreamer, ancient and powerful and all-knowing. he promises ronan tantalising answers, and even more importantly than that, he promises him community -- other people like him, so he won’t feel alone, so he won’t feel like a freak or an abomination; it has not yet occurred to ronan that (as maggie said in her video explaining the art/creation metaphor of the series) not all dreamers are equal: they don’t share the same skills or motives.

ronan is desperate for what bryde is promising, for that kind of guidance in his life. all throughout the book, there is a lot of talk of heroes: ronan was raised on stories of the irish heroes of old, who accomplished amazing feats even though they were held back by geasa (magical weaknesses like his nightwash). ronan constantly thinks of these folk stories, while excluding himself from it (“ronan was no hero, but he knew fucking right from fucking wrong”). and how does he describe bryde when he finally sees him in ch. 79? yep, you guessed it:

“he looked like a man who didn’t have to posture, who knew his strength. he looked like a man who didn’t lose his temper very easily. he looked, ronan thought, like a hero.”

ronan -- who is always posturing, who doesn’t know his own strength, who loses his temper very easily, who doesn’t think he’s a hero -- sees bryde as everything he’s not. and he’s willing to show him the same faith and devotion he once showed niall, because he needs a hero, a father, a teacher.

but i don’t think bryde is going to be the hero. i think ronan is going to be. there’s some early foreshadowing of this with ronan being depicted as “a gallant irish hero of old” while he kills the crabs (more posturing, really) but actually, we’ve known this all the way since trk, with niall asking declan to make sure that “ronan was the name of the hero, not the spear”; dreamers are weapons, but they don’t have to be. being a hero, ultimately, is about knowing fucking right from fucking wrong. and i believe ronan does.

but before he gets to be the hero, he’ll have to be the spear. and right now? he’s a spear in bryde’s hand.

we know a dreamer is supposedly going to bring about the apocalypse through fire; we know ronan and fire have always been associated; we know bryde hates the modern world and would like to reboot it; we know bryde has selected ronan as his chosen one, for whatever reason.

when you connect the dots, they spell a whole lot of trouble.

#ronan lynch #bryde #cdth #cdth meta #dreamer trilogy meta #mp #i could go on and on and on (and i have)#but i gotta post this now bc i need to get back to work #what a trip this book is though #much to think about #hmmm #dt #meta #cdth spoilers #my meta #swtwc

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stovetuna · 4 years

Note

I really want to ask for stevetony + Exes AU? I'm so weak for the pining and angst of the getting back together trope

same??? I know I shouldn’t but I am nothing if not weak. I hope you like it! I want to say this is 616, because Tony’s self-loathing here feels like peak 616!Tony to me, but not set at any specific point in time.

- - -

For six months, nobody knew that Tony Stark and Steve Rogers were dating.

Which means no one knows they broke up six weeks ago.

Looking back on it now, those six months were just stolen time, a pocket-life Tony knew he’d never get to live out to its fullest, but he likes to think he took advantage of every second of it.

That’s a lie. He wasted it. He knows that now, better than he’s known anything in his entire life, and that includes JARVIS’s coding and what it felt like when Obie forcibly removed the arc reactor from his chest. He spent six incredible, heartwarming, spine-melting, almost-picture-perfect months in a relationship with Steve Rogers, a man he’d been in love with for years before that, and no one knew about it.

Because as it turns out, Tony Stark is a coward.

Tony puts down the razor and stares at himself in the mirror. A mask of dread with a freshly sculpted goatee stares back. It’s too early for that much feeling, but this is the position he’s put himself in.

It’s also his first day back in the city after spending the past six weeks in Malibu, “to make sure SI feels equally loved,” as he told the team at their last group dinner (while pointedly ignoring Steve sitting across from him at the table and the fact that even then he couldn’t not see the way the man’s face fell at the news).

Obviously that’s only half of the story, but no one needs to know about how Tony spent most of those six weeks moping around in that big empty house wearing grubby shirts and eating pints of half-melted Half Baked ice cream out of the container (and then exercising himself sick to make up for it).

Now, he’s got a fresh full-body tan from time spent in the sun, a slew of new tech ideas for the team (including an infinitely better low-profile tracking device for Natasha, because who says he doesn’t do nice things for people), a mostly-rested brain, and a packed schedule that will allow for very little—if any—interaction with Steve.

It’ll be fine, he tells himself, watching condensation streak through the remnants of steam on the mirror. This is just like any other breakup, only slightly complicated by the fact that he leads a team of superheroes with his ex, and was best friends with his ex for years before they got together, and still thinks the world of his ex, and still wants his ex, and is still madly in love with his ex.

Just like he did in California, Tony doesn’t think about the bottomless pit of empty taking up valuable real estate in his stomach as he wanders from the bathroom and starts arranging himself into a vaguely Tony Stark-shaped person.

Autopilot is as useful a function in the Iron Man suit as it is in the rest of his life, especially these past six weeks—buttoning his shirt, Tony notices but doesn’t worry about how he can’t feel the fabric under his fingers, or the pinch of his dress shoes as he pulls those on; the world has been slightly out of focus ever since he and Steve broke up, and the feeling of walking through life with only half the lights on upstairs and a black hole where his viscera used to be is all too familiar.

It’s how he felt years ago, dying slowly, then quickly—not quickly enough—of palladium poisoning.

The device that is keeping you alive is also killing you.

He chooses a pair of gunmetal grey sunglasses with fluorescent red lenses to go with the Tom Ford suit he somehow managed to put on right. Before walking out the penthouse door, Tony checks himself in the massive, frameless mirror: everything is in its right place. He looks like had a nice vacation and came home without a care in the world. He doesn’t look like a man who broke his own heart out of cowardice and is now walking through life with self-inflicted blood poisoning.

If he tries hard enough, harder than he did back then, no one will notice anything is wrong.

It’s just Tony’s luck that the first person he runs into is Steve, glowing from a workout (it’s Thursday, Tony remembers, which mea ns cardio and time on the heavy bag) and just as beautiful as the last time Tony saw him.

“I’ll give you space, as much as you need, I promise. Trust me, this is for the best.”

Steve’s not crying, but it sounds like a near thing. His face is drawn, flush with emotions Tony doesn’t want to read into, but even distraught Steve is still the most gorgeous thing Tony’s ever seen. Then Steve is reaching out with both hands and he has to back away. “Tony, just, wait—”

He looks almost small, vulnerable in a way Tony isn’t used to, and the only thing he really wants to do in that moment, standing in Steve’s bedroom surrounded by moving boxes (an hour ago they were getting ready to move in together—funny, how quickly things change), is take Steve into his arms and keep him there where it’s safe. But that vaguely possessive urge living constantly under his skin is what led to this, this crossroads which finds Tony doing the one thing he never wanted to do: “I can’t, Steve, I’m…I asked you for all the wrong things and now you’re miserable, and you—God, you of all people deserve happiness. The least I can do now is let you go so you can find it.”

Tony manages to say it without dying, which might be a miracle. He’ll call the pope later and ask. When he leaves Steve’s room, it’s to the miserable sound of Steve’s voice breaking in the middle of Tony’s name. By the time he shuts the door behind him, it’s too late to wonder if this is all a huge mistake, but Tony still feels part of his heart splinter off to stay behind with Steve, where it belongs.

Funny how after six weeks away with no contact of any kind, all that R&R and R&D and B&Js and G&Ts, one look at Steve is enough to put Tony right back where he started, heartsore and winded like the hurt is forcing the air from his lungs.

Steve looks—he looks good, of course he does, but Tony was always especially weak for slightly disheveled and endearingly domestic Steve Rogers wearing a T-shirt and sweatpants. It doesn’t help that Steve looks happy, like the past six weeks have done exactly what Tony dreaded and hoped they’d do when he broke up with him, like Steve’s had time to finally breathe freely, spread his wings a bit, experience the world in ways he never got to with Tony when they were together.

He looks lighter. Younger. Fuller. More. It’s enough to crush something in Tony that feels remarkably like one last ember of hope, the bitterly selfish hope that Steve was as wrecked by the breakup as Tony.

“Welcome back!” Steve says with a bright smile, wiping sweat from his brow with an end of the towel hanging around his neck. “How was California?”

Tony is distantly aware of his mouth hanging open, but he’s too caught up in how awful he feels seeing that smile on Steve’s face to respond. He shouldn’t be surprised, after all, that Steve is happier not dating Tony—it’s why Tony broke up with him in the first place. Steve was miserable, and now he’s not. Mission accomplished.

“Hey,” he finally manages to respond, even as he ducks out of Steve’s path toward the kitchen to make coffee (he’s already had a cup, but he needs to busy his hands and have something to look at that’s not Steve’s perfect fucking face). “California’s the same as it ever was. Rhodey says hi.”

Behind him, Steve hums thoughtfully. “Hi, Rhodey,” he says, knowing Tony will pass it on, because of course Steve would, and of course Tony will. Tony scoops ground coffee from a bag, not caring which one he’s dipping into, and fills the bottom of the French press as the electric kettle comes to a hissing boil.

“Anything happen while I was gone?”

When Steve speaks again, he’s much, much closer, and Tony wishes like hell that that didn’t make every single hair on his arms stand on end, that the low baritone of Steve’s voice didn’t make Tony shudder and want to bend himself over the counter. That part of their relationship is over. He has to move on.

“Not much,” Steve replies, easygoing, like having this conversation isn’t the last thing he wants to be doing this morning. Tony knows deep down that this is just Steve playing nice, doing his best to mend fences for the sake of the team. If possible, the knowledge just makes Tony feel worse, which he didn’t think was possible. “I’ve been working on putting together intel on possible new recruits, like we discussed. Want to take a look?”

Like we discussed, he says, Tony thinks to himself as the kettle clicks off, ready to pour. Steve’s sense of diplomacy is truly on another level, considering how this exact topic of conversation came up in the first place.

“I’m not saying we’re not enough, Steve,” he says, willing his hands to stay at his sides, “I’m just saying it wouldn’t hurt to have more bodies on the team so that the next time we get hit with a Galactus or something like it, we’re not scrambling for reinforcements at the last minute.”

Steve, still sitting at the now-empty conference table, pinches the bridge of his nose and frowns.

“What we need is for the team—our team—to work together better. We need to cultivate what we have, not pad the ranks and hope for the best.”

“And we will! But we can also think ahead and save ourselves a lot of stress and pain and suffering down the line.” Tony knows his frustration has reached its boiling point the moment he snaps: “I mean for fuck’s sake, Steve, I thought you were good at multitasking.”

The look Steve gives him is dark, but not exactly angry. It’s the kind of look he gets whenever he wants to make Tony listen to something Tony thinks he doesn’t want to hear. Usually it involves compliments or Steve verbally placing value on Tony’s life. It also usually involves—

Tony isn’t surprised when he blinks and finds himself pinned to the wall, Steve fitting himself in the space between his thighs like he belongs there (which he does. He absolutely does). One month in and the experience of Steve manhandling him like a pro still hasn’t lost its electric thrill; if anything, it’s only gotten headier, more dizzying, the best high Tony’s ever experienced, and it’s heightened by the fact that he’s the only one who gets to have it.

He opens up for Steve’s bruising kiss like he’ll die without it. Groaning, Tony falls deep into the pleasure of it, of Steve’s tongue fucking into his mouth like he owns the place, hot, wet suction unraveling any lingering arguments Tony might have. He throws his arms around Steve’s neck and a leg around his waist, a question in the gesture that gets answered immediately when Steve picks Tony up by his thighs and wraps both legs around his hips.

Everything is heat and the raw, jagged edge of their mutual frustration, Steve scrambling at the zips on Tony’s undersuit with fumbling fingers even as his clever tongue continues its single-minded precision assault on Tony’s. Tony whines when he feels the skin of his ass and thighs meet the open air of the conference room. They’re thousands of feet above ground aboard the helicarrier, about to fuck in a public space, and even as Tony moans lewdly at the thought of being discovered in flagrante delicto with Steve Rogers, a small and insidious part of him reels at it, desperate to keep this whole thing under wraps and to themselves.

Steve is the best thing—person—Tony’s ever had. He’s been half in love with him for years and now, having him like this, Tony can’t believe how much time he wasted. Sometimes he catches himself thinking about how it’ll be when they’re old and grey and married, the soft domesticity of their well-deserved retirement, Tony working on vintage cars in the garage while Steve fills the top floor of a house with paintings, and it doesn’t scare him as much as it probably should.

But he hasn’t told Steve how much the thought of going public scares him. How terrified he is of losing Steve to the rest of the world, which will tear them limb from limb the moment it learns of their relationship. The Stark PR machine will kick into overdrive to smooth things over, and on the surface everything will appear fine, but it won’t change the fact that they will never know privacy again; every photo taken of them in battle, out in the world, together or separate, will be subject to a level of scrutiny Tony knows only too well, but which Steve has never experienced. It’s horrible. Infuriating. Invasive, demoralizing, and not a little bit traumatizing. When Tony told Steve about Princess Diana’s death, long before any of this—them—started, he couldn’t wipe the memory of Steve’s devastated and furious expression from his mind for weeks.

They’ll talk, eventually. For now, Steve takes Tony apart with his fingers, slick with lube he keeps in his belt, his other hand curled over Tony’s mouth so he can press up hard against him and whisper things in his ear, dirty promises that make Tony’s toes curl: “Always like riling me up, don’t you, Stark,” he grunts, fucking his fingers up into Tony like it’s his job, slicking him inside and out and grinding the heel of his palm against the sensitive spot behind his balls on every third thrust until the only coherent thought running through Tony’s mind is Steve’s name.

Silenced by the hand over his mouth, Tony expresses his feelings by pushing back against Steve’s hand in perfect synchrony as he squeezes his bared thighs against Steve’s waist, which, fuck, he’s still wearing the suit, they need to have post-mission arguments more often. “Yeah, that’s it,” Steve rumbles against his cheek, burying a third finger, thick and dripping into Tony’s ass as he does, “you just want me to fuck you like this all the time, don’t you? Keep you pinned and open so I can slide in any time I want.” Tony keens against Steve’s palm, nodding so hard he dizzies himself; Steve groans and moves his hand to open Tony’s mouth with his thumb. “Say it, Tony,” he orders, and that’s definitely his Captain America voice, fuck—

“Want you to keep me open,” he gasps, helpless to stop from drooling all over Steve’s thumb still perched on his bottom lip as his other hand drives Tony into a frenzy, hard and insistent but not hitting him where he needs it, it’s not enough, “never want you to stop fucking me, want you to fill me up until I leak, plug me u-up—ungh, fuck, Steve…”

“I would,” Steve says before kissing Tony again, slow and sensual the way his fingers aren’t, fanning out and plunging in again and again and again until Tony can feel how exposed he is, gaping and trembling and so, so wet. Steve’s still kissing him when he pulls his hand out and, after a moment’s fumbling, drops his belt and opens the front of his uniform pants.

Tony moans into the scorching kiss when Steve drags the head of his massive cock through the lube dripping out of him, fisting the rest of his length with what’s left on his hand from fingering Tony open. “Can’t imagine a world where I wouldn’t want to,” he whispers, covering Tony’s mouth with his hand again as he guides his dick into that too-empty place inside Tony. He slides in, watching Tony’s face with a possessive gleam in his eye, cheeks and ears red with arousal and exertion. That hot, slick slide makes his head spin every time, the stretch an incontrovertible reminder that this is Steve, Steve who slots so perfectly into place like he belongs there, who fills Tony to absolute capacity and then fucks him so good it’s any wonder Tony can keep quiet. He holds Steve’s hand over his mouth and presses down to smother the noises leaking out him, high-pitched whines and gasps as Steve drives in deep and pulls out to the tip, looking down to admire the view with a dangerous smile before plunging back in hard and fast, pinging Tony’s prostate spot-on every time like it was a fucking doorbell. He does it once, twice, slow and steady as he considers the angle and the pace, watching his dick glisten before disappearing back into Tony’s all-too-willing-body, and then he gives Tony a look, and Tony knows he’s doomed.

It’s quick and dirty and wet and Steve has to bite Tony’s neck to keep himself quiet; Tony hangs on for dear life as Steve bounces him ruthlessly on his cock, holding him up against the wall by the strength of his chest against Tony’s and his broad, heavy hand over Tony’s mouth and the constant, driving force of his hips as he fucks him. The belly of Steve’s uniform brushing up against the head of Tony’s otherwise untouched dick every time Steve plunges into him is the most erotic kiss, a damp buss of sweat and pre-come against kevlar and leather that sets every one of Tony’s nerve endings on edge.

“So good, Tony, oh, fuck—” Steve groans under his breath, palming Tony’s thigh before pulling the leg out wide to better accommodate his bulk. Tony can’t think; he can only barely remember to breathe. He might be making a noise, but if he is only dogs and supersoldiers can hear it, probably. What were they fighting about again? What’s his last name? The only word in his head is Steve, SteveSteveSteveSteveohfuckSteve…

“Take it so good, Tony, yes, baby, yes, yes…” Steve holds Tony close in his powerful grip as he comes, shaking and gasping, inside Tony’s ass. Tony can feel the throb of it against his rim, the heat and heft of Steve’s dick inescapably everywhere inside him, and then he keeps going, fucking Tony with his big, beautiful cock in a rapid battery of thrusts, loud and sloppy with his come, never letting up on Tony’s prostate even as he trembles and gasps against Tony’s shoulder like he’s just run a marathon. Tony’s eyes roll up inside his head. Everything is buzzing, his blood pure fire with the need to come; he hasn’t shot off untouched in years, but trust Steve Rogers to surprise Tony every which way from Sunday. Steve is whispering in his ear again, praising him as the fingers of his free hand drift down to feel where they’re connected, the froth of Steve’s come easing the roughness of that touch. Tony chokes on a cry. The knot of orgasm is right there in his pelvis—all Steve has to do is fuck him, there, right, there, yes, oh, fuck…

“So beautiful, Tony. Love watching you come for me.”

Steve pulls his hand away as Tony comes and kisses him, swallows the desperate sounds of his orgasm like he’s starved for them. He keeps Tony pinned safely to the wall as Tony’s legs give out and shoots ropes of come all over his own chest. He’s shaking like a leaf from head to toe and can’t even muster enough bandwidth to feel shame—Steve loves it, after all, and says so, kissing the words one by one into his mouth like tiny prayers. Loves the way Tony lets go, loves how he trusts Steve like this, how he looks when all he can feel is the pleasure Steve gives him.

“Could hold you like this forever,” he says, once Tony can open his eyes. Tony smiles, his bruised and tender lips straining: there’s a drop of come on the underside of Steve’s jaw. He brushes it off with a sigh and sucks it off his thumb. The glimmer of interest in Steve’s eye is echoed by the twitch of his cock, still buried hilt-deep in Tony’s ass.

“Deal,” Tony hums, leaning forward to kiss Steve long and heartily, one last time before they have to go back out into the world and pretend this—their relationship—isn’t a thing that exists.

They’ll talk, eventually.

Tony pours the hot water into the press and watches the grounds float up and swirl around in the dark.

“Sure,” he says, not turning around to look at Steve, as much as he wants to. It’s for the best, he reminds himself for the thousandth time that day. The less he looks at Steve, the easier this will be for him. For both of them. “Send ’em through the server so JARVIS can throw them up for me when I get back to the lab tonight.”

There’s a moment of silence so immense it’s any wonder Tony can’t hear his own heartbeat. Then:

“Tony.” Oh, no. He knows that ‘Tony,’ and it’s everything he can do to not shut his eyes as he braces himself for what comes next: “Could you—turn around?”

Steve doesn’t even have to use his Captain America voice to get Tony to do as he asks. By the end, it was like that all the time: Steve would ask, and Tony would oblige, and the ease with which they learned to communicate as a couple was unlike anything Tony could have hoped for, except for the part where Tony didn’t want to go public with their relationship and could never get Steve to understand why.

Looking at Steve now, Tony withers, wishing the kitchen floor would open up and swallow him whole. Steve still looks a million times better than Tony feels, but there’s a pinching around his eyes that Tony recognizes as concern, and it shouldn’t make his heart sing to know Steve can still feel that about him, but it does. Backlit by the morning sun coming in unobscured through the mansion’s massive windows, Steve looks like an angel come to earth, bright and warm and golden. Tony feels small and twisted and hollow in comparison. Weak. A coward, who let this man slip through his fingers for fear of losing him later on down the line.

“Are you doing okay? I know we—things kind of…ended, abruptly.” Steve says the word ‘ended’ like it tastes bad. His face screws up like he’s sucked a rancid lemon. It’d be endearing if it wasn’t directed at Tony for Tony’s sake. “I’ve been worried about you.”

Tony waves a hand at him, smiling beatifically like the words don’t make him want to drop to his knees and beg Steve’s forgiveness.

“I’m fine, Cap,” he replies, not Steve, and even Tony can tell Steve is pained by the change of address by the way his fingers clench around the towel in his hands. “You?”

Steve visibly swallows. “I’m fine,” he says, and he sounds like it. He certainly looks like it, smiling like the free man he is. Fine might actually be the truth, in Steve’s case, even if it isn’t in Tony’s.

“Glad to hear it!” Tony almost shouts as he pivots back to his coffee, pressing down on the plunger too soon, but he’s so harried by being there in the kitchen with Steve on his first day back to worry about a weak brew.

“Sir, I’m being told to remind you that your ten o’ clock is waiting for you at your office.”

Tony winces. “What time is it, J?”

“The time is currently ten twenty-nine.”

“I’ll let you go, then,” Steve says, already leaving the kitchen before Tony can respond with anything. He manages to catch Steve’s eye as he waves back at Tony on his way out. He looks happy, Tony reminds himself. You let him go so he could be happy. You have to let him be happy.

The coffee scalds when he drinks it, but the burn is good. It reorients the pain currently trying to wring the blood out of Tony’s heart, gives him something to focus on that isn’t this unbearable, overwhelming sense of regret. Heat to burn away the creeping chill that breaking up with Steve was the biggest mistake Tony’s ever made in his life.

After four months of pushing the conversation off for another day, four months of dating in secret—sneaking touches when the others have their backs turned, never spending the night in each other’s beds even after bouts of sex so intense they can’t remember how their legs work, pretending not to care more than is reasonable when one of them goes down in a fight—Steve finally sits Tony down and asks him why.

Or, more accurately, he makes love to Tony slowly and sweetly for what feels like hours, until Tony is literally crying from pleasure and the overwhelming need to come, and then when Tony finally, finally breaks and whispers that magic word, “Please,” Steve bends him almost in half with a groan that shakes the bed and then plows home until Tony is sobbing and tearing the sheets as he comes.

Then, when they’re both sated and clean and curled up on the dry side of Tony’s California King, Steve places a hand on Tony’s stomach. Tony can feel it shaking, and he knows what Steve’s about to say.

“I want to tell the team.”

Tony closes his eyes and groans. “Steve…”

“Please, Tony. We need to have this conversation. We should have had it ages ago.”

So much for enjoying the afterglow. Tony sits upright in bed, warmed by Steve’s hand coming to rest on his thigh. The other man stays laid out next to him, looking up at Tony like he’s his guiding light when all Tony’s done is drive him to this point: Steve, nervous, looking guilty for asking for something of Tony he doesn’t have the courage to give.

“I just…you remember, when I told you about Princess Diana?”

Steve looks confused for a moment. When understanding sets in, smoothing his features out to an expression of wary comprehension, Tony feels a rush of love so intense he has to lie back down just to keep the blood from rushing to his head. Steve Rogers is so much smarter than anyone gives him credit for. It’s Tony’s second favorite thing about him.

“You’re worried I’m going to get killed being chased by paparazzi?” He says, moving in close and reaching out for Tony’s hand. Tony takes it, weaves their fingers together in a perfect fit. He stares at Steve’s fingers instead of looking him in the eye. Steve’s fingers are his fifth favorite thing about his boyfriend.

“In a sense,” Tony replies. “I’m worried about what happens to us when ‘us’ no longer involves you and me, but everyone—the team, Pepper, the board, the government, our enemies…I’m worried that once the press gets a hit of us, they’re going to drain us dry, and all of it—the gossip, the speculation, the invasiveness…it’s going to drive us apart.”

“Tony,” Steve sighs, leaning forward to kiss Tony’s forehead. Tony can’t help but press into the gesture. He can feel Steve’s lips curve up in a smile when he does. “You’ve been holding on to this all this time?”

“It’s a valid concern, Steve.”

“Maybe,” he replies. “And maybe it’s something you could have discussed with me before unilaterally deciding to keep our relationship a secret.”

There’s a deep undercurrent of hurt in Steve’s voice, and Tony would beat himself with the Hulk’s fist if Steve would let him for putting it there. Tony wills himself to meet Steve’s gaze then—even in the semi-darkness of his bedroom, light seems to spill out of Steve. His eyes are bright and focused, tracking Tony’s face like he’s reading a tactical map. Naked, post-coital glow is a good look on Steve, as is pretty much anything, if Tony’s being honest.

“Can you blame me?”

“Tony,” Steve sighs again, like it pains him, and Tony winces at that tone coming out of Steve’s mouth. “I wish you loved yourself half as much as you love me.”

Wow. “Wow,” Tony says, jerking backward like Steve just gut-punched him. Already Steve is scrambling, tangling his legs up in Tony’s expensive sheets as he sits upright.

“That’s not—hell, Tony, you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“And how did you mean it, Steve?”

“I just…you think this hasn’t crossed my mind before? Going public and losing our privacy in the process? You’re talking like you’ve already decided that the end of our relationship is inevitable because the world is going to drive us apart, and I know the reality is something else, something you feel like would be your fault, and I don’t like you thinking so little of yourself that I would let that happen.”

Tony gapes up at Steve, floundering like a fish for words that won’t come. Steve bends over him, brushing their lips together in the gentlest caress of a kiss in order to kickstart Tony’s brain.

“Just talk to me, Tony.”

Tony places a hand over Steve’s heart to feel it beating. It’s comforting in a way nothing else is. His heart’s far and away Tony’s favorite thing about Steve Rogers.

“It’s—this is my whole life, Steve,” he says. At Steve’s confused expression, he goes on: “The press. The world, thinking its owed every piece of your life story, including and especially the things you’re still trying to work through.” He thinks back to when he read an article about Sunset Bain shortly after her betrayal, an “investigative exposé” on their relationship and her seemingly-overnight rise to success. It was tabloid pablum, at best, but it still scraped at something raw and vulnerable in Tony. Or, even worse, the explosion of press following his parents’ death, the countless headlines, the day-in, day-out of it all, phone calls and bell ringers and paparazzi camped outside the tower. The cumulative effect put a stop to a healing process that had barely begun, and Tony was still dealing with the fallout of that.

“I’m also terrified you’ll wake up one day, look out the window and see a throng of paparazzi outside waiting to grill you about the latest cheating scandal or accuse you of abusing me because someone saw bruises on me after I fought a Skrull wearing your face, and you’ll decide you don’t want to put up with any of it anymore.” Tony takes a deep breath. “But all of that? That comes with me, Steve. I wish it didn’t. You can’t know how much I wish it didn’t. But that’s the reality we live in, and I wanted—I just wanted to keep you to myself for as long as possible, before they got their hooks in you and you decided I wasn’t worth it.”

Steve looks at him for a long time and doesn’t touch. He stays in place, leaning over Tony, one hand next to Tony’s head, the other trapped underneath it, and just reads Tony like the open book he’s revealed himself to be, cowardice and all. When the silence reaches the point of suffocation, Tony lets his hand fall from Steve’s chest.

That’s that, then.

“I’ll let you get some sleep,” he says, moving to work his way out from under Steve when the other man stops him with a hand on his hip. Tony pauses and looks up, sees Steve staring down at him with all the love and consternation Tony’s used to seeing there in his smiling blue eyes.

“Stay,” Steve whispers before leaning down for a kiss. Tony gives it to him. He’d give him everything if he could. He’s helpless to do anything else, not when he loves Steve Rogers this much.

Tony finishes his meeting with the clean energy consultant—an engaging, exciting discussion about bringing arc reactor tech and associated jobs to underserved communities in the mid-west and Appalachia, for starters—just in time for a text from Rhodey: Don’t turn on the news.

He’d just managed to scrounge up a good mood during that meeting. It would be a shame to ruin it so soon. Naturally, he does exactly what Rhodey told him not to do and turns on the TV in his office. He does it expecting reports of a stock drop, or Stark weapons being sold on the black market. He doesn’t expect to come face to face with footage of Steve laughing freely with his arm around Sam Wilson’s shoulders, Sam’s hand wrapped snug around Steve’s bony hip, the two of them walking together down 5th Avenue in the sunshine.

The entertainment “news” “reporter” says this footage was taken minutes ago on a bystander’s cellphone. Tony sinks into a chair in front of the widescreen TV, helpless to stare as he watches the 15 second clip repeat itself over and over as the airbrushed talking heads gush and gossip about Sam and Steve, two all-American good guys making up the hottest couple since sliced bread.

Of course Steve would end up with Sam, Tony thinks. Sam is the kind of good Tony could never hope to be—no blood on his hands, at least not like Tony has and can never wash off, no matter how many lives he saves. He’s Steve’s age, and smart, and stable, and trustworthy down to his core. He’s also hot as hell, Tony can easily admit, even if Steve burns hotter than anyone who enters his orbit. Tony once joked with Steve that Tony was the ugly one in their relationship, but Steve’s sour expression had stopped Tony from expanding on that particular line of self-deprecating humor.

And, god, when did Steve ever laugh like that with Tony? Sometimes he got close, coming up with little bon mots that made Steve throw his head back and guffaw, but that beaming smile and the way his laugh booms and echoes across bustling 5th Avenue is unlike anything Tony ever saw when he and Steve were together.

He looks relaxed and happy in all the ways he never was with Tony. Because you never let the world see you together, a little voice reminds him. It sounds remarkably like JARVIS. Steve deserves happiness. It’s why Tony let him go. After their heavy-duty pillow talk (and another memorable round of lovemaking, with Tony taking the reins and fucking Steve on his stomach through the mattress until he was crying and begging for release), he’d asked for a little more time to work through his issues. Steve, ever the patient boyfriend, had granted it to him. Tony had offered up moving in together as a compromise, which had thrilled Steve endlessly. But when two weeks became a month, and a month became two, and Steve’s mood only soured further and further until every conversation became an argument and every argument ended in slammed doors and heavy silence, it became clear to Tony that this wasn’t an issue he was going to be able to work through in time to keep Steve, keep him happy, keep him his.

So he let him go. And now Steve’s with Sam, who’s seized the opportunity to show Steve off to the world, and who can blame him? If Tony had been stronger, more self-assured, more defiant of the assumptions placed on him by the world around him—if he’d loved himself even half as much as he loved Steve Rogers—that would be him taking Steve shopping, making him laugh and smile as he tucked his hand around that lovely hip and held him close while the world watched on in envy.

But he was a coward, and now he’s watching footage of Sam on a date with Steve play on a loop while vapid, boneheaded commentators speculate about their relationship.

Tony’s phone buzzes again with another text from Rhodey. I told you not to watch.

He tosses the phone away and buries his face in his hands with the beginnings of a sob, a sound he chokes down like the booze he kind of wishes he still drank. He’s not proud of the thought, but the misery of truly losing Steve—and any hope of fixing what he broke between them—has opened a window to everything he’d ignored while in Malibu, sunning himself and pretending he hadn’t wounded himself beyond repair.

Tony leaves the TV on, hunches over on himself, and just as he’s about to let the tears fall, an obnoxious beeping rouses him.

“Wha—?”

“Sir, there are reports of an attack on 5th Avenue,” JARVIS announces. Dread drops a block of ice down Tony’s throat, so cold and horrible it almost freezes him in place. What if Steve…

Tony is up and calling the suit before the thought can finish itself. It’s waiting for him in the lobby by the time he steps off the elevator, rushing to fill the vacancy as panic claws at his throat. “J, cross-streets.”

“The Wrecking Crew are currently being engaged at the intersection of 5th and 26th.”

Engaged is a nice euphemism for attacking, and Tony knows without having to ask JARVIS that the focus of the attack was on Steve and Sam, whose location was just broadcast to the entire world.

He flies faster than he’s technically allowed within city limits, but the law can wait. Steve’s life can’t. Unlike the armor, Steve can’t call his uniform to himself, nor can Sam sprout wings and fly them out of there at the drop of a hat; they’re two against four heavy hitters, and as much faith as Tony has in Steve and Sam’s abilities, those are odds he’s not willing to gamble on.

“For the last time, Tony, I’m alright.”

“Oh yeah, Cap? Tell that to the eighteen inches of rebar SHIELD medical just had to surgically remove from your thigh.”

Steve is struggling to sit upright in his hospital bed, one leg fixed firmly in place by a mummy’s worth of bandages. Tony keeps himself to the far wall so he can look at Steve—alive, thank Odin and Thor and any other Asgardians whose names Tony can’t remember—and not be tempted to touch him, hold him, kiss him like he wants to, has wanted to for years and has never admitted to. It’s hard to keep himself away when Steve almost just died, but he manages. He always does.

“Did everyone make it out okay?” Steve grunts. Tony knocks his head back against the wall hard enough to hurt.

“You got everyone out before you let the building fall on you, remember? Oh, of course you don’t, because a whole building fucking fell on you while you were still in it!”

“Tony…” Steve is squinting and holds a hand up to his head. Tony didn’t even consider Steve’s concussion when he started shouting, fuck.

“I’m sorry, Cap—fuck.” He wipes a hand down his face. “That rebar missed your femoral artery by a quarter of an inch. You’ve got a concussion and broken ribs and the only reason you’re still alive is because of the serum. Watching—ugh, I need to sit down for this.”

Tony takes the shitty plastic chair next to Steve’s bed and sits down hard enough he wonders if it will break. He’s close enough now to see the mottled bruising that’s made an Impressionist painting out of Steve’s handsome, perfect face, but somehow the discoloration doesn’t detract from the beauty of this man. It just makes him seem more human—precious, even. Tony folds his hands in his lap and does not look at Steve’s hand hanging over the side of the bed in front of him.

He draws a deep breath and lets it out with a rush of words: “Watching you almost bleed out on the street was the most awful thing I’ve ever seen, Steve. The thought of losing you was even worse. So don’t tell me you’re alright when you’re not, because I’m definitely not alright, and I wasn’t just shish kabab’ed by a rusty piece of metal through the thigh.”

Steve hums thoughtfully, like he always does when he’s thinking something new and meaningful for the first time. Tony looks up and catches his eye, or rather Steve catches his—like a fish on a hook. When his lips turn up in a knowing smile, Tony knows something is up.

“You called me Steve.”

“Uh,” Tony frowns, “Yeah, ‘cause it’s your name.”

“You must have been really scared if you’re upset enough to use my name.”

“Don’t tease me, Cap. I don’t respond well to teasing.”

Steve’s eyes light up with something Tony might hazard to call joy.

“And what do you respond well to?”

Tony looks at Steve, then at Steve’s hand, which has turned upside down, fingers hooked ever so slightly inward—an invitation if Tony’s ever seen one, and he’s seen more than his fair share. He stands up from his crap chair and steps in close enough to breathe Steve’s air and feel the warmth—the life—radiating off of him like rays off the sun. Steve looks like hell, beaten and bruised and only a couple hours removed from standing at Death’s door, and Tony has never seen anything more beautiful. Steve’s resilience is a wonder to behold, let alone draw from. It’s his…fourth favorite thing about him.

But can it really be this easy?

Tony opens his mouth and says it. “Positive reinforcement?”

Steve’s answering smile cracks his lips again from where they split during the battle, but Tony is too caught up in kissing them—kissing Steve—to care. And then Steve takes his hand and holds it, and Tony vows then and there to never, ever let go.

The HUD is a brightly colored mess of information: live police reports from the ground, vital signs of wounded civilians, schematics of every building between 28th and the Flatiron, but all Tony needs to know is where Steve is, and if he’s okay.

Please, please be okay.

He dials into the Avengers main comm line as he scans each building for heat signatures. “Cap, pick up.”

“Tony!” Steve’s voice comes through loud and clear and audibly relieved, which melts some of that frozen terror still lodged in Tony’s chest. “124 5th Avenue—we managed to lure the Crew down to the basement, but—” Steve’s report cuts off with a startled, agonized cry. Tony curses and heads for the address, flying right through the front entrance (which isn’t really an entrance anymore so much as a giant hole in the wall) and dropping down through the gaping hole in the center of top floor all the way to the basement. The Wrecking Crew did some heavy damage in a short amount of time, as is their way, but Tony isn’t worried about the bill right now.

“Cap!”

A sound like a hammer on an anvil echoes through the basement, followed shortly by another cry. Angry, this time, not at all like Steve’s. Tony floods the place with light from the armor, both arms up and ready for action, drawing the attention of the four behemoths fighting blind all the way in the back.

“Candygram for Mongo,” Tony chirps as Thunderball takes a running start at him. He brings him down with a power-dampening electric net, which drops him like a sealed sausage onto the cold basement floor. Bulldozer is next, rushing Tony on his left flank while his hand is down. Classic mistake, thinking that just because Iron Man’s gauntlet is down he’s defenseless: Bulldozer takes a swing and clips Tony’s shoulder, which only unbalances Tony for a moment before he recovers and fires a volley of flares right into Bulldozer’s masked face.

Bulldozer roars and backs away, tears streaming as he tries to see his way past the fiery sparks.

“Cap, report!”

“Over here, To—agh!”

Fuck, no. Tony shackles Bulldozer with twin sets of reinforced power-dampening manacle and leaves him writhing on the floor in pain next to Thunderball before going off into the dark expanse of the old basement in search of Steve. Sam he finds on the way, locked in hand-to-hand combat with Wrecker—Tony pauses on his way to Steve to knock Sam’s opponent out with an iron hand to the back of the skull.

“I had him!” Sam shouts, even as relief washes over his strained features. Iron Man shrugs, hovering a few inches above concrete.

“You can take all the credit,” Tony says. He tells himself it doesn’t come out as bitter and envious as he feels, knowing that Sam has what Tony was fool enough to let go of, but now’s not the time for any of that. He jets off to look for Steve, Sam in hot pursuit; the basement is a labyrinth the further in they go. Old brownstones and their ridiculous planning are the bane of Tony’s existence, both as a landlord and as a superhero currently trying to find his ex-boyfriend in the maze of bricks.

He banks hard around a corner when he hears Steve curse, gauntlets up so he can see: Piledriver at Steve’s back with an arm around his neck, and even against Steve’s considerable size the guy looms large, threatening the choke the life out of Steve with a smile on his face.

“Ah, there’s your knight in shining armor!” Piledriver cackles, squeezing his arm harder around Steve’s neck. Steve is turning purple, scratching and kicking at the body behind him to no avail. It’s hard to get a good shot in a dark, contained space like this—a bullet might ricochet and hit Steve, or Sam, and absolutely no way in hell is he firing off a bomb down here. Tony doesn’t linger on the knight in shining armor comment. He lowers his hands, repulsors whining as they power down.

“What do you want, Piledriver?” God, seriously, the names these schmucks come up with…

“Just waiting for the cavalry to arrive!” With a bloody grin, Piledriver reveals his other hand: in it, an old Stark bomb that went off the market years ago.

That cold block in Tony’s chest spreads to his extremities. Oh no.

“Alright, Piledriver. You let Captain America and Falcon go, you can have me. Deal?”

Steve struggles harder, gritting his teeth against the pressure cutting off his air supply. Piledriver holds the bomb out to his side, cackling again—that manic laugh always unsettles something in Tony. All he has to do is drop the bomb on its tail to hit the pressurized switch and in seconds, they’re all goners. The only good news is that the blast radius itself isn’t significant: if he can get Steve and Sam far enough out of the way, that should be enough to save them.

“JARVIS,” he says, switching over to private comms, “single shot to the head should do it.”

“Sir—”

“Now, J.”

The concealed gun in Iron Man’s shoulder appears with a hiss of metal—the bullet is out in less than a second, hitting Piledriver square in the center of the head. It’s not enough to kill him, but it dazes him long enough for Steve to escape his grasp and knock him back with an elbow to the sternum. Tony rockets forward and grabs Steve, one eye still on Piledriver behind him.

“Tony!” Steve rasps, holding onto the suit like a lifeline.

“Falcon!” Tony shouts. Sam appears from behind the corner. “Go long, and take care of him.”

Even in the HUD display, Steve is the most beautiful thing Tony’s ever seen.

“Tony, what—”

Without another word and with all the grace of a major league pitcher, Tony pivots and launches Steve bodily at Sam, who catches him in his arms in a full bear hug before hauling him around the corner behind the brick wall. By the time Tony turns around, Piledriver’s hand has gone slack.

The bomb drops. In the spare second he has to react, Tony grabs Piledriver and hurls him across the room, mostly out of harm’s way, then launches himself on the bomb just as it hits the floor.

Even as the world whites out in a deafening blast of fire and stone, Tony thinks he hears Steve screaming his name.

I really do love him, Tony realizes, watching from his spot at the breakfast bar as Steve busies himself removing an entire cookie sheet’s worth of bacon from the oven. The oven mitts are the same shade of blue as Steve’s uniform and dotted with little shields, a novelty gift he bought Steve years ago that apparently has yet to yield the desired levels of embarrassment Tony had originally hoped for. He’s also wearing nothing but boxers and a white cotton tank, showing off the mountain range that is Steve’s shoulders to their fullest effect.

“How many pieces do you want?”

“How many you got?”

Steve laughs. “Enough for you, anyways.” He’s still glowing with happiness, hair mussed, pillow lines still etched into his cheek. They took a risk last night—slept together in Tony’s big bed and woke up to the sun shining through the bedroom window and an empty mansion. Steve was so excited, he could hardly wait for Tony to get his bearings before he was slipping underneath the covers and taking Tony into his mouth.

For once, Tony didn’t worry about how much noise he made in bed.

Now, he gets to reap the benefits of one of his favorite aspects of Steve Rogers: his enviable cooking skills. There’s bacon and eggs and waffles and whipped cream and homemade blackberry jam and lemon butter and toast. It’s enough to feed the Avengers twice over, which means it’s just enough for Steve, and more than enough for Tony.

They eat together side by side, playing footsie under the counter even though there’s no one here to see them, giggling like naughty schoolboys as they lick cream and jam off each other’s lips and fingers between bites of actual food. Steve still has a lot of eating to do even as Tony’s finishes, but that doesn’t mean Tony has to leave his mouth unoccupied in the meantime.

He says as much, and Steve’s eyes darken to that perfect shade of dark blue. He spins his seat around just enough for Tony to fit between his legs and still be able to eat off his plate. Before Tony starts to kneel, Steve drags him in for a buttery lemon kiss that almost makes Tony think twice about going anywhere that isn’t Steve’s lips. He steadies himself with both hands on Steve’s massive thighs, being careful of Steve’s freshly-healed puncture wound, before using one hand to take Steve’s cock out. Steve’s had two orgasms this morning already, but he’s hard and hot and leaking like they never stopped.

“God, I love you,” Tony gasps before licking into Steve’s mouth. He fits in Tony’s hand like he belongs there, big and hard, hot and wet. Tony works him slowly, firmly, the way he’s learned Steve likes: thumbing the frenulum in little circles until Steve is shuddering and making soft little ‘uhn-uhn-uhn’ sounds in the back of his throat, then slicking the shaft with pre-come with long passes of his palm and then taking him fully in hand to fuck him hard and fast within the tight circle of his fingers. Tony’s calluses bump over the gorgeous, pronounced vein in Steve’s dick, and Steve whimpers like he’s being driven out of his mind with pleasure every time they do, right into Tony’s waiting mouth.

Finally, Tony starts to pull away from Steve so he can kneel and put his lips to better use, but Steve groans and wraps a hand around Tony’s wrist as he jacks him, stopping his descent by pressing a desperate kiss against Tony’s lips with a whine and gasping: “Please—stay up here. Stay with me.”

Steve is so sweet like this, rumpled and needy and moving his hips into Tony’s touch with little hitching breaths, faster and faster as Tony speeds up his strokes. Tony says it, says I love you Steve, always loved you, always will, love you, love you, his hand a noisy blur over Steve’s big, slick cock, his own head cradled delicately in Steve’s big, soft hands as Steve kisses him and kisses him and kisses him like this is everything he’s ever wanted, ever needed, ever will.

His thigh is shaking violently under Tony’s hand. Steve’s cock swells and he moans into Tony’s mouth, pulling his face even closer to him by the scalp. “Love—oh god, Tony, I love—I love you,” he says, voice watery, breaking as he tips over the brink headfirst into orgasm, “Don’t stop, fuck, don’t stop, don’t stop, I love you, love you, love you—”

One day, Tony will let Steve shout it from the rooftops—when he does, he’ll be right there next to him.

If there’s beeping, Tony thinks, he must be in Hell. That’s the only possible explanation for it. It doesn’t cross his mind that he’s in a hospital until he hears a sound like a relieved gasp somewhere out there where the world isn’t pain and nausea and everything spinning in the wrong direction.

“Augh, fuck.”

“Try—oh thank God, try not to move, Tony, hold on.” There’s a hand cradling the back of his head, all of a sudden, and a cold plastic cup is being pressed to his lips. Ice chips, he realizes. He remembers cold, a freezing sensation, terror, Sam, Steve—

“Steve…”

“I’m here, sweetheart. I’m here.” Steve urges him to eat some of the ice chips with gentle nudges of the cup against his mouth. Tony obliges him, because of course he does. The water soothes his sore throat and clears the fog from his brain a little, enough to get a better sense of his surroundings.

He’s in a SHIELD recovery room. Nothing is immobilized, which means nothing’s broken, which is a relief. He can hear and see, but his head hurts like a building fell on it.

“That’s because it did,” Steve tells him.

Oh. “Was I talking out loud again?”

God, he missed Steve’s laugh, especially his Yes, I’m laughing AT you, Tony chuckle. He also missed that gentle brush of fingers against his forehead, right under his hairline, the way Steve knew exactly how to gentle Tony with his touch and voice and presence.

“I missed you too,” Steve says. Tony blinks but still can’t really see straight. Those bricks really packed a wallop. “Rest, Tony. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

True to his word, when Tony wakes again, Steve is there, sitting in the same crappy plastic chair Tony sat in last time and holding Tony’s hand, watching him come to like Tony is something magical to behold.

“Hey, mister,” Steve smiles. His eyes are red but otherwise clear. “How’s your head?”

Tony winces. “Harder than it looks.” Steve laughs, so, mission accomplished there, but he won’t let go of Tony’s hand. If anything, Steve just draws closer, brushing his thumb against the back of Tony’s hand like a metronome.

“Doctor says you can come home in the morning,” he says in a low voice. The lights are dim, Tony notices, and the blinds are shut. There are more ice chips on the table next to the bed, which Steve hands to him without prompting.

Swallowing around the nameless knot in his throat, Tony blinks up at Steve and asks, “How’s Sam?”

Steve smiles. “Sam’s fine. A little pissed off at you for not giving him enough of a heads up before you threw me at him like a glorified football, but he’ll live.”

Tony’s relieved, of course he is, but the knot in his throat starts to taste sour the longer he thinks about Sam waiting up at home for Steve while Steve fusses over Tony, who only has a concussion and a broken heart to show for having a building dropped on his head.

This time, he manages to keep all that to himself. Instead, Tony cracks a little smile and says, “Good. That’s…that’s good.”

Steve, however, looks puzzled. “You told him to take care of me.”

“I did? When?” Tony wheezes. He occupies himself and his mouth with ice chips and doesn’t look Steve in the eye when he answers:

“Right before you launched me at him.”

“Like a glorified football?”

Funny, the room has stopped spinning, but Tony still feels off-kilter, like everything is a little unbalanced. Or maybe that’s just Steve, and the way he’s looking at Tony, hard and scrutinizing but relieved. Tony’s felt the same relief before, with Steve—the knowledge that despite a dangerously close call, the man he loves most in the world is still alive, and is here with him, despite everything.

“Tony,” Steve says, leaning closer, squeezing Tony’s hand, “I’m not with Sam.”

Oh. “Oh. No?”

“No, Tony. And to spare you the suspense, I think the cat’s out of the bag in terms of you and me.”

“Uh. What?”

That cold feeling floods him again, freezing his heart in place as Steve reaches for the TV remote. The screen flickers on, vibrant colors taking shape as a reporter recounts the events of that afternoon’s attack by the Wrecking Crew and how Iron Man saved the day. The footage captures the moment the bomb exploded, windows blowing out onto the street and the structure collapsing into a heap of rubble and brick dust; it had been fully evacuated by the time Tony showed up on the scene, apparently, and thank goodness.

But what steals the show isn’t the bad guys being paraded out into the waiting SHIELD trucks, still immobilized by Tony’s tech—it’s Steve, carrying Iron Man out onto the street in a bridal carry while Sam waves bystanders back. Both of them are covered in dust, but Steve catches the camera’s particular attention: it zooms in on his dusty face, which is streaked with crisp lines of tears as Steve lowers Iron Man onto the pavement and rips off his faceplate. The camera is too far away and there’s too much ambient noise to hear it, but Tony can see Steve’s mouth shaping itself around Tony’s name, can see him gritting his teeth as he begs Tony to wake up and cries all the while like his world is ending.

Paramedics rush in even as Steve bows his head to Tony’s chest, palm covering the arc reactor in a vice as they try to pull Tony away from him. They’re trying to move him away gently, but Steve is inconsolable, throwing hands and spitting mad, all but launching himself at anyone who dares put a hand on Tony.

Unwittingly, Tony squeezes Steve’s hand, just to know he’s okay. They’re okay.

The reporter is breathless as she gives the play-by-play of everything that happens next on screen: Tony’s helmet coming off in Steve’s hands, Steve sobbing openly over his unresponsive body, Steve leaning down and kissing him like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do, right before Sam and Thor come up behind him and pull him away so the paramedics can get to work.

Steve turns off the TV with a sigh. “It’s been playing nonstop for almost twenty-four hours,” he says. He won’t look Tony in the eye. “I’m sorry.”

“What—” Tony’s brain is still rebooting, recovering from the concussion and now trying to parse what he thinks his eyes just saw. “Why are you sorry?”

Steve looks at their hands where they’re joined next to Tony’s thigh on the hospital bed. Tony can’t help but think how much better it would be if they were at home, in bed, together.

“We broke up because you didn’t want the world to know about us,” Steve grumbles. “Now everyone definitely knows, and it took you almost dying for them to find out.”

He sounds—god, he sounds miserable, is what he sounds like. Tony can sympathize, since he feels just as awful, and that was before he jumped on a bomb to save Steve’s life.

The good news is, he and Sam aren’t dating. So.

“I’m sorry, Steve.”

“Don’t be, it’s my fault for losing my head. Heat of the moment, you know how it goes.”

“Yeah, I do.” Tony squeezes his hand again, hard so Steve will look at him. He loves it when Steve looks at him—no one’s ever looked at Tony the way Steve does. He can’t even quantify it with words. There’s just Steve, and the way Steve looks at him, and Tony knows he’d do anything to keep Steve looking at him like that. Like Tony is everything, the way Steve is to Tony. “But I’m sorry, because I should have told the world about us ages ago.”

Steve blinks. Even struck speechless and dumbfounded, Steve is the most gorgeous thing Tony’s ever seen.

“What about your issues?”

Tony husks a laugh. When the coughing subsides and the ice chips ease a path down his throat, he says, “I’ll probably always have them. The press is awful and it’ll only get worse. Just means I’ll need you to reassure me more often.”

Steve leans forward. “Reassure you of what, Tony?” he asks, like it’s important that Tony says the words outright.

Tony lifts Steve’s hand and kisses his knuckles. He has so much making up to do, but now’s as good a time to start as any.

“That you love me,” he says, “as much as I love you.”

He can’t even finish grinning before Steve is on top of him, kissing every last trace of cold right out of Tony’s heart.

- - -

read it on AO3!

#ishipallthings #prompt fill #steve rogers #tony stark #stevetony #stony #superhusbands #nsfk #EYES EMOJI #wow I hope this doesn't suck I wrote it in a marathon session today and did absolutely nothing else I should have done #NO RAGRETS #rachel writes fic #I also just realized that I definitely quote IM2 even though I said it was 616 #because I LOVE MESS

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p-artsypants · 4 years

Text

Longest Night (32)- Listening

I’m so sorry for this chapter being late.

We switched to a new system at work, and I’m a sort of Adobe Creative Cloud expert in the office, so I had to learn the new system, and then prepare to teach it to everyone else, who were in the same meetings that I was in, but didn’t understand. This has made for several weeks of 10-12 hour long days. Gettin’ that bread tho!!

I had a chapter mostly finished, then I realized I was skipping a bunch of stuff, so I had to take time to really hash out the order of the next half of the story. Hopefully, my vague ideas won’t change too much. lol

I started a new blog, dedicated to sharing works that have been harassed on Ao3 by a certain anon. If you or a friend have received repeated, unwanted harassment by a certain troll, please feel free to reach out to me @lilaanonsupportgroup. The goal is to create a safe place to share fics and drown out unwanted comments.

Thank you all for your patience!

Ao3 | FF.net

—

Pierre Rouso was not a praying man. He was a criminal, with a charge list the length of his arm. But he was completely and utterly done as of tonight. The bald camera man sat in his holding cell, crying his eyes and guilt out, praying for forgiveness. He had participated with the police chief, just as he promised, and led everyone down to the Bunker in the Catacombs. He handed over passwords, combinations to locks, found every key he knew of, and did everything he could to make up for the injustice of his actions.

Seven prisoners were recovered from the bunker, all huddled into ambulances and taken to hospitals. Families were contacted, and missing person cases were closed.

All in the span of one night.

It was terrifying, and Pierre knew he was traumatized.

He awaited his fate in the holding cell at the precinct, though it was more of a formality than anything. The police chief had assured him that his cooperation was greatly appreciated and would reflect well on him when trial came.

He got his one phone call, and instead of calling his parents or friends, anyone that he knew would listen to him, he decided to call his kid sister.

He got her voicemail. “Elise? It’s Pierre. I know you…you’re disappointed with me. I really let you down. I’m supposed to be an example to you, but so far, I’ve only been an example of what not to do.” He swallowed. “I just wanted to let you know, I’m sorry. I’ve really messed up, and I got tied up with the wrong crowd, trying to get my life turned around. Sort of…an Ursula from the Little Mermaid situation. I made things worse, and…well, I might be going back to prison. You’ll probably hear about it on the news.” He choked, the truth getting caught in his throat. But he vomited it out anyway. “I was…involved in the Ladybug and Chat Noir incident. I didn’t want to be, but Salo said if I didn’t—she would—she knew mom and dad’s address. Knew yours too. I felt so helpless. I just needed to confess to you. You probably won’t believe me. You…probably think I’m a failure as a brother. I sure feel like one. But, ever since that night you cut me off, I vowed to turn things around. I wanted you to be proud of me. Because I love you, and I’m so so proud of you. You’re a great kid, and the best sister a guy could ask for. I don’t ask for forgiveness. Just…understanding. I’m…I’m at the police precinct right now. This is my one phone call. Maybe I should have called Ma,” he chuckled. “But I couldn’t stop myself. I was just through hell. I don’t know if you saw the news. I was the person behind the camera. I don’t know why Ladybug spared me, but I didn’t want to waste another moment. I had to tell you. You hear me, Elise? Don’t waste anytime either. If there’s anything you want to do, do it.” He let out a shuttering breath. “Maybe, if you’re feeling generous, could you let ma and pa know? I know that’s asking a lot. I’m sorry to burden you.”

The phone beeped, a warning that he was running out of time.

“But I love you. I will never stop loving you. Even if you never talk to me again. That’s fine. Go out there and be amazing. Um…I’m going to hang up now. Bye.”

It was an awkward way to end the message, but he had to. Or else he’d go into more rambling apologies and ‘I love you’s. Not necessarily a bad thing, but he didn’t want to overwhelm her.

That was several hours ago, after he had returned from his tour of the bunker. Then he was allowed to wash up, cleaning the blood from his face and arms. His clothes were stained, but there was nothing to do about it.

He waited then. Officers letting brief updates float around the room. Edward Savauge had been murdered, his body hoisted from the Arc de Triomphe like a trophy. Lady Lacrima and Grimalkin faced off against the auxiliary heroes and Hawkmoth.

Several more hours passed before a group of three banged up kids were brought into his holding cell with him.

“What happened to you boys?” Pierre asked, noticing the way they trembled.

“There’s two akuma on the loose.” Said one of the boys. “It was just supposed to…we just wanted the money in the cash register. Easy, right? But I had no idea that he was there.”

“Who?”

“Chat Noir. Or…who used to be Chat Noir. Sent one of us to the hospital.”

Pierre grunted. “You’re lucky that’s all he did.”

“Whaddya mean?”

“I mean…I saw what those two are capable of. They killed a room full of people without breaking a sweat. This blood? It’s not mine. You should thank your lucky stars.”

Then, a rush of red Ladybugs filtered passed the cell, lifting the blood from his clothes, and easing the soreness in the boys.

Pierre sighed as a cheer went up through the Precinct. “It’s over. It’s finally over.”

—

Nadja was exhausted, if not completely traumatized. She had been the one to volunteer to follow the Ladybug and Chat Noir story. So she had been on high alert with the van at any moment, ready to get a shot of the akumas in person.

But Lady Lacrima’s demonstration at the Arc de Triomphe was beyond horrible. It was scary, vial, and evil. Everything that Ladybug wasn’t. Later, she would find out that the cameras had turned away from the bodies as soon as they were revealed. They only captured Lady Lacrima’s speech, and the wails of the crowd surrounding them.

But it was over now.

The Miraculous Cure had run it’s course through Paris, correcting everything since they were first akumatized. It even fixed the damage caused by the wrecking ball akuma that started this whole mess.

She had even seen Marinette and Adrien loaded in the stretchers with her own eyes.

The hospital was silent. No one was allowed any information without clearance. So Nadja went home, finally. She’d monitor her phone and the Ladyblog. Someone would say something eventually, right?

—

Chloe had been helpful for once. She arrived at the hospital waiting room with her butler loaded up like a pack-mule.

“Alya, Nino, your backpacks.” She announced, holding out the bags.

“Thanks Chloe, you’re a real lifesaver!” Alya said honestly, noting her laptop was safely tucked inside.

“I know. Mrs. Cheng, I brought your purse with your phone chargers.”

“Thank you dear.”

“And Mr. Agreste,” she said with some level of coldness. “I brought the project that was in your office. Sorry if it’s wrinkled.”

“That’s fine Chloe. I can iron it.” He said, coming to take the hefty bag from the butler.

“That will be all, Jean-Pierre.”

“Yes, Miss Bourgeois.” He bowed before leaving the room. He technically wasn’t cleared to be in the room anyways.

Chloe plopped into a chair by Alya and Nino. “Any word?”

“Not any more than what I texted you.” Alya sighed. “Adrien’s still in surgery.”

“And Marinette?”

“She’s in recovery.” Stated Sabine. “We’re not allowed to see her yet.”

Chloe ‘hmph’ed, crossing her arms. “I suppose I’ll just have to be patient then.”

“You? Patient?” teased Alya.

“I’ve been known to be patient! On occasion!”

“Sure Chloe, I believe you.” Nino said in a slightly sarcastic tone.

Chloe knew they meant none of it. She was happy she had become something akin to friends with them since this started. Not close friendship, but…she could tolerate a few meals together, and what they had affectionately called ‘sleepovers’ which were just watching the stream and strategizing. When this was all over, and Adrien and Marinette were back to their old selves again, she might even be persuaded to hang out with all of them, as a group.

Her, Alya, and Marinette could get mani-pedis. Heck, Adrien would probably be game for that too.

Yes, when this was all over, and everything went back to normal, they’d all have a lot of fun together. It would be great!

Pollen left her purse and settled on the chair with the other kwamis. Wayzz and Trixx were playing a card game, and Pollen joined.

But Tikki and Plagg were much too solemn to do anything.

“I should be with him.” Plagg stated, agitated, for the 100th time.

“You heard the doctor.” Tikki scolded softly. “Adrien’s immune system is down. Any germs could be detrimental to him.”

“I don’t have germs.” Plagg hissed.

“Oh yeah? So that wasn’t you who contracted fleas in the 12th century and spread a plague that wiped out a 1/3 of Europe in 6 years? That was another ‘Plagg’ of whom the name was attributed?”

Plagg hissed at her and curled in on himself. “I didn’t ask you.”

“Plagg, I know you love Adrien, but you have to let the doctors work.”

“I am!” He argued. “There’s not a lock in this world that can stop me from being with him, and I want to be there so so badly! But I know modern medicine is better than what I can do for him…”

Sabine listened to the quiet sobbing of the cat for a moment, before deciding she couldn’t take it anymore. Delicately, she scooped him up in her hand, and then delicately started to pet him.

“Not scared you’ll get the plague?” He snarked.

“Not a bit,” she returned, scratching between his ears.

Just like Adrien would do.

He nestled into her hands, and tried to sleep, knowing that time would pass quicker that way.

Nino’s attention was directed over to Mr. Agreste. No one had paid him much attention since Plagg chewed him out. But he looked like he was getting down to work with something.

He had a wooden ring with some light pink fabric stretched across it. In the basket next to him, he had a spool of rose gold thread that he was threading through the palette.

“Mr. Agreste…are you doing needlepoint?”

“Yes,” he said, undeterred. “I’m working on a present for Marinette.”

That was surprising.

“I didn’t know you could embroider.” Noted Alya. “Marinette gushed about your work all the time. I don’t think she knew either.”

“Well, you didn’t know I was Hawkmoth. I guess I’m just full of surprises.”

The weird tension in the room was destroyed as Tom busted out laughing, nearly falling out of his chair. “I-I’m sorry!” He managed out, still chuckling. “I was just not expecting that from you!”

“Like I said,” Gabriel spoke, eyes not even leaving his project. “Full of surprises.”

“Can I see what you’re doing?” Asked Alya.

“I’m afraid not. This is a surprise after all. I want her to be the first one to see it.”

“I’m sure she’ll love it.” Said Sabine, genuine.

Alya took her laptop out of her bag, resting it on the table in the corner. “Alright, I suppose it’s time I start my project as well.”

“What project, babe?” Asked Nino.

“I’m going to update the Ladyblog with news from the last few days. Nadja asked me to share what I can. Apparently, the world has gone stir crazy for news. I’ve even been contacted by the Associated Press.”

“That’s awesome!” Sabine cheered. “To be contacted by an international news group!”

Alya smiled softly. “You know, when I first started the blog, I dreamed of being Ladybug’s best friend. I imagined following her and Chat and helping them so much that I got to be her friend. When I got to be Rena, it was the dream come true. She had asked me to join! And then…I found out she was Marinette. I laid awake one night just remembering all the crazy things I said about Ladybug to her face. The wild fan theories, demanding that she get with Chat Noir, the evidence I had for her identity. So many times, Marinette said ‘are you sure you should post that?’ and I completely ignored her. How was that being a friend?”

Nino sighed, “babe, you gotta stop beating yourself up. You didn’t know she was Ladybug. No one did. She didn’t expect you to act any different.”

Alya understood where he was coming from, and what he was trying to tell her, but it didn’t dissuade her doubts. “I’m going to draft a post. Then I’ll let you guys read it and tell me what you think.”

“Sounds reasonable,” stated Gabriel.

Alya got to work, clacking out a message.

Sabine dug around in her purse for her phone charger, but found two items that had been placed on top. “Oh!” She said as she pulled out the handmade dolls.

“They were on Adrien’s bed.” Chloe explained. “I thought they might want them.”

“I’m sure that’ll make being separated for a little while easier on them.”

Plagg rose, not able to sleep with conversation in the room. His stomach rumbled, and he cursed it. “I’m hungry,” he stated.

Gabriel put his project to the side. “What do you eat?”

Plagg cast him a skeptical glance.

“I have the ring right now, so it’s my responsibility to feed you. Come on, let’s go down to the food court.”

Begrudgingly, Plagg followed, somehow feeling like there was more to this than appeared.

They were silent as they went down to the food court, following the same format he had taken with Nino. Though Nino had be easier to talk to, as he had been more willing to give him a second chance. This kwami wasn’t giving him an inch.

“Do you think it’s smart to be floating out here in the open?” Gabriel reprimanded.

“Bite me.”

“I’m just trying to—“

“Do nothing. I’m capable of finding food on my own. But I assume you had a reason to escort me. So I’ll let you tag along. But don’t talk to me until I eat. And don’t tell me what to do.”

Gabriel blinked at the ancient being. “Yes sir.”

It was the middle of the night, and all the kiosks were closed. But there were still vending machines. Plagg flitted between them, and found what he was looking for. “I want A3.”

“Popcorn?”

“An adequate substitute for my cheese.”

“What happened to being able to fend for yourself?” He asked as he took out his wallet.

“I can. But I know Adrien hates it when I take food without asking or paying.”

“Ah, I see.”

The cafeteria was devoid of people, which made things silent, save for the hum of the microwave and popping kernels.

Gabriel took a seat at a table by a window. The courtyard was alight with little lights illuminating sculptures and plants. A very peaceful, healing environment. A lovely garden that Marinette and Adrien might enjoy later.

A bag of popcorn flopped on the table. Plagg dove in, rustling the bag, and munching on his snack.

A few minutes passed before he came back out. “Okay. I’ve digested your apology and your reasoning. While I am still extremely angry for hurting Adrien, I am willing to listen to what you have to say.”

“I’m grateful.”

“I’ve concluded, that in the history of mankind, what you’ve done is evil and cruel. But not the worst I’ve seen. I’ve had wielders more evil than you.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I had a guy who ate his own baby.” He shuddered. “I had forgotten about that.”

Gabriel blinked. “That’s awful!”

“Well, it was part of the culture back then. Anyways, now you know the bar is really low.”

“Good to know, I suppose…”

Plagg ate some more popcorn before Gabriel finally cleared his throat.

“First, I’d like to thank you for taking care of Adrien these last few years.”

Plagg scoffed. “It wouldn’t have been a problem if you had just done your job.”

“That’s what I mean.” Gabriel insisted. “I wasn’t in the right place to be a father. Even if I put the effort in to be with Adrien, I wouldn’t have been kind or affectionate to him.” Gabriel fisted his hands, looking Plagg in his ancient eyes. “I hated him.”

Plagg stared, wide eyed. “What? How could you say that?”

“I need to be honest with you. For Adrien’s sake.”

Plagg watched him, considering, but stayed silent.

“He looks just like Emilie. He takes after her more than he does me. After she was gone, it became more evident. His smile, his eyes, his laugh, it was like…looking a painful reminder that she was gone. And of course, he didn’t know that she could be saved. He just grieved, and he still mourned, but I watched him grow. He made friends, hung out with their families…And I couldn’t stand it. Why wasn’t he in misery like me? Why was he so optimistic? So hopeful? I thought all sorts of horrible things about him. Assuming he was forgetting her. I’m sure that was the depression telling me that.

“The butterfly miraculous gives me heightened empathy. I knew exactly what everyone around me was feeling. So even when he was schooled into professionalism, I could tell what he was feeling inside. And…it felt better to me to make him sad.”

“You know, some people might categorize that into sociopathy.”

“That would make sense. Am I awful then? A terrible father?” Plagg crunched on mouthful of popcorn as he considered it. “Yes, you are a terrible father. I wish you could have found this out about yourself earlier in life before you had Adrien. Do you think you were always like this? Tell me about your childhood.”

Gabriel ran his fingers through his hair. “When did this turn into a therapy session?”

“When I decided I needed to further analyze you before letting you near Adrien again. Now, go on.”

“Well…I suppose to some degree, I’ve always gained some satisfaction from people’s suffering. It…really culminated when my little brother died when we were kids. My parents were inconsolable, but I was just angry because they stopped paying attention to me. They never got over it.”

“You were never sad that your brother died?”

“I was, a little. I think I might have cried. But, not like my mother did.”

“Did you have a lot of friends?”

He screwed up his lips. “I think there were a lot of kids who liked me and thought I was their friend. But I didn’t really care to stay in contact with them as I got older.”

“Ever feel lonely?”

“Only after Emilie left.” He admitted. “She was the only one I felt like I was equal with. That’s why I was so desperate to get her back.”

“Ever have trouble with the law before Hawkmoth?”

Gabriel got quiet again. “People had trouble with the law because of me.”

Plagg narrowed his eyes. “I know you think you’re better than others. You’re cold, and you shirk familial obligations. You manipulate and threaten people to get them to do what you want. You justify your destructive behavior, no matter how hurtful it is to yourself or others. Does that sound right?”

Gabriel didn’t answer.

“But wait!” Said Nooroo, flying out of Gabriel’s jacket. “He’s been a lot better lately.”

Plagg blinked at the newcomer. “I forgot you were in there.”

“I was sleeping.”

“What do you mean he’s been better?”

“He was really accommodating to Marinette’s parents, and Alya and Nino! He’s thought about their safety and he’s been really nice to them!”

“Is it because it’s the right thing, or the smart thing?” Asked Plagg.

Gabriel winced. “It’s…what Adrien would have wanted.”

“Ah, I think I see a solution here.” Plagg finished the last few kernels. “You may be around Adrien, but you have to judge your behavior on what you think he would like. Which would be painful, considering you hate him.”

“I don’t hate him.” Gabriel clarified. “I did, at one point. But, as soon as his mask dissolved on the screen—“ Gabriel trembled violently, as if the memory had grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. “It was like I had been punched in the heart. Everything just—hit me. Like…everything I had done had caused this. Every missed dinner, every short comment…”

“Guilt?”

“It felt like I was awake for the first time in my life. Like I was omniscient to all the things I had done. Keenly aware of every piece I had played. And that my actions weren’t as self contained as I thought. I can’t explain it.”

“You became aware that Adrien was a person.” Plagg stated. “A person just like you.”

Gabriel covered his mouth. His eyes wide with horror at the thought.

“You’ve got work to do, Gabriel. I’m not the one who’s going to fix you. You have to do it yourself, for Adrien’s sake.”

The man just nodded his head. He looked nauseous.

“What did you want to tell me? You brought me out here, after all.”

Gabriel couldn’t speak. Couldn’t breathe.

Plagg was right. Absolutely right. Adrien hadn’t been a son to him. He was a trophy, a pawn.

A toy.

And the realization of that evil was crippling.

But Plagg just sat at the table licking the salt and butter off the bag as the man had a complete meltdown in front of him.

“Don’t you think that was a little harsh?” Asked Nooroo.

“What? No. Why don’t you ask him what you were to him? See if he can lie and call you a friend.”

But Gabriel already had his hands around Nooroo, holding him gently. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry…”

“You’re getting better.” Nooroo assured, petting his cheek. “I forgive you.”

It was still many minutes before Gabriel could speak. He patted his face with his handkerchief. “I’m sorry, I just…”

“Please don’t apologize for feeling emotion.” Plagg groaned. “I have to tell Adrien that all the time. Probably a trait he got from you.”

“Undoubtably.” Gabriel whispered. He swallowed hard, and took out his phone. “This is something I wanted to show you. I have to show you. It happened while you were dormant. I get no pleasure from showing you this, understand?”

Plagg was skeptical, but allowed him to turn the screen to him.

The footage was in green, showing a sickly and terrified Adrien. Plagg recoiled at the sight.

Then Gabriel pressed play.

“Plagg! Plagg!” Adrien screamed as he beat on the door. “Plagg!”

Gabriel fast forward, only for the scene to stay the same. Same scream, same pounding on the door, same begging, pleading.

“Plagg!”

Fast forward more.

“Plagg!”

The timestamp went up by minutes, and then hours.

“Plagg!”

On and on, never stopping.

“Plagg!”

Until his voice gave out.

Plagg just stared, eyes brimming with tears. “Why would you show me that? Why the hell would you show me that!?”

“I don’t know what his reaction will be to seeing you. But if it’s negative, I want you to know why. We’ll explain it to him. But you have to know…”

“You’re a sick and twisted man, Gabriel Agreste. I don’t envy you.”

And he floated off without another word.

—

Oh.

He was very tired.

Very tired and very in pain.

There was pressure on his chest, and strange voices all around.

He cracked open his eyes. A bright light.

Cold. Metal. Under his fingertips.

Paralyzed. He couldn’t move. But, maybe, if he could tilt his head forward just enough.

Oh.

That was a lot of blood.

A lot of blood.

His blood?

Yes. Quite.

And…bones. And tools. Sticking out of his chest. Whoa-oh.

“Oh shit. He’s awake. Dr. Boucher?”

His eyes shot to the speaker. A woman with red hair and reflective sunglasses.

Salo.

“Adrien? Adrien can you hear me?”

His eyes flicked to the other voice. Another Salo. And another next to her! A whole room of them!

“Adrien, you’re in surgery. Just relax.”

What were they doing!?

What was going on!?

Why was it so hard to breathe!?

“You’re going through anesthesia awareness. We’re going to get you back to sleep, okay?”

He couldn’t trust anything this woman-these women were saying.

Why did that one sound like a man?

Was that blood?!

But before he could panic anymore, a haze took him and he fell back to sleep.

#miraculous ladybug #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #gabriel agreste #plagg #fanfiction #longest night

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bonesgadh · 5 years

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Okay, this is me suspending reality for a second, being optimistic for once and trying to find the silver lining.

It’s been 24 hours and I’m still trying to make sense of all the leaks and apparent character assassination that happens in the series finale.

I’ve been a negative piece of shit all day. I’ve been rambling non-stop since 7 am and I felt so bitter and angry I couldn’t really stop myself. I’ve thinking of the worst possible scenarios (Arya leaving her family and loved ones because she doesn’t give a fuck about them, Gendry immediately marrying someone else because they push him to do it) and I feel miserable. However I think I’m finally ready to move on from my bitterness and I’ll try to see things more clearly and overall not being so damn pesimistic. I feel awful because there’s lots of people out there who are still holding onto hope and there’s nothing worse than you feeling confident and optimistic and then having some dramatic bitch come in and destroy you. Please forgive me if I annoyed you with my negativity, I promise I’ll be better.

Now, because Arya is my favorite character I’m more worried about her than anyone else, so I’m gonna focus on her assumed ending.

The leaks are vague at best and most of them have no context whatsoever, besides the leaker admits to not having seen the entire episode so there’s a lot of stuff missing. We won’t know for sure until the finale airs and (hopefully) it will make more sense. However, at this point the only way I can see the whole “Arya leaves to see what’s west of Westeros” plot working out in the end (and not being straight out character assassination) is if they handle it as a journey of self discovery for Arya, as something she needs to do because it’s a dream she has had for a while, and because she still needs to heal before finally embracing her humanity again and letting go all her pain and suffering.

The war is over, which means she gets to turn off survival mode at last. She gets to take a deep breath and think of what she wants to do, which is having an adventure that is not about her surviving but about her simply enjoying the ride. It’s true her entire arc has been about her journey back home but it wasn’t a very pleasing journey, was it? Not one she chose to live, anyway. Now she is free of her list and her thirst for revenge but maybe she isn’t ready to settle down yet. However she wants to be, that’s why she thinks she needs this journey (hence the “second ticket” to a new life or something along those lines that Maisie mentioned). She needs some quality time by herself to figure stuff out and see things clearly.

In my mind this scenario would only work if we have a nice goodbye scene with her siblings and with Gendry. She can tell Sansa she is going to embark on this journey but that she intends to return, and that it’s not a goodbye but a see you soon. As with Gendry, they could have a quick chat that has him apologizing for proposing the way he did and Arya reassuring him he has nothing to apologize for. She could tell him she knows he loves her and that she is not indifferent to his feelings, but that she is not ready to take that step with him yet. However she tells him she is working towards healing herself after all the shit she’s been through and that she is trying her best to go back to being the person she was before her life was wrecked. She tells him of the journey she wants to make and that she has every intention to return, so they part on good terms and with the promise of seeing each other again, once she is ready to be with him.

This season they have played with Gendrya having reversed roles, right? Well, in most epic stories it’s the girl who waits for the guy as he leaves for war or adventures or whatever. But what if with Gendrya it happens the other way around? Arya sails west and Gendry is left waiting for her to return. He remains faithful to her and we don’t really get to see what happens next or if she even survives her journey, but it’s up to us to decide if they ever reunite or not.

This would fit perfectly with the bittersweet ending we were promised. They don’t end up together per se but they acknowledge their feelings for each other and we are left with the promise of them eventually reuniting.

#meta #gendrya #gendrya positivity #you know what #I'm totally going to write that goodbye scene #this would also explain why they didn’t mention his proposal on the bts video

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tessatechaitea · 5 years

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Batman #440

Look at this beautiful cover! I don't know why I even read modern comics.

But don't worry! He's The Batman! He doesn't know what the word "mortal" means!

Some kid on a bike stood off in the distance taking pictures of Batman battling Ravager. At least I'm assuming it's a kid simply because he rode their on his BMX. He might also be a DUI. Whatever, the kid slash drunk with a suspended license rides seems to know Batman is actually Bruce Wayne and that Dick Grayson is Robin and/or Nightwing. Hopefully he captured the moment Batman kicked Ravager off of the dam and into the churning water below so that when The Ravager's body turns up, Batman can finally be exposed for the fraud he almost certainly is! Nobody fights crime for years, beating the shit out of everybody he meets, without killing a couple of criminals! Batman just can't admit that he's killed anybody at this point because Superman would have a field day lording it over him.

Oh! I wonder if the little girl spelled the name of my blog?! Good for her!

How is a conservative supposed to enjoy this Batman comic book after Wolman takes that shot at George Bush?! Ha ha! That was a rhetorical question. I don't really care if a conservative can't enjoy this comic book now. Get fucked, snowflakes! Some guy's radio convinces him to kill Batman. Again, I guess, since it looks like he's the one who sent Ravager after Batman. Is he also the guy on the bike? I don't know! It's possible I'm supposed to have figured out who this guy is six pages in but I'd hate to truly believe that because then I'd have to admit I'm stupid. And there's one thing a stupid person will never admit to being is stupid! Just try it! Call somebody you know is stupid stupid and see how quickly they retort, "I am not! I'm smart!" Then call a smart person stupid and watch how they just smugly laugh in your face and go about their business. It's the easiest intelligence test in the world! By the way, I'm not stupid! Batman crawls back to Wayne Manor where Alfred is ready to give him a good doctoring.

Oh, did I say "doctoring"? I meant "buggering".

Look, I said I wasn't stupid! I know Alfred isn't really fucking Batman in the ass in that picture. It's actually just Batman vomiting up the bed sheets he ate earlier. Alfred looks on at Bruce sleeping after the "doctoring" and thinks, "He looks so tired. He has since Jason passed away." "Passed away"?! Jason was brutally murdered by The Joker! Stop being so passive in your language! I mean, you even say "he looks so tired" instead of admitting the man is fucking exhausted! Fuck, why do I expect anything but passivity from the man who allowed a traumatized child to turn into a violent, obsessive, death-wish holding, bat-cosplaying maniac?! Send that kid to counseling, you idiot! My version of DC's Zero Hour would have led to a Batman had counseling as a child and became more noble and non-violent than even Superman. A man who used his money to help his community to actually get better rather than reliving the pain and trauma of his youth night after night. And Superman would been found by the Kents who wouldn't have taken him illegally into their family. They would have run him through the system where he would have become a bitter and cynical child of the American foster program. He'd be even grimmer than Return of the Dark Knight Batman! Wonder Woman would still be Wonder Woman but instead of using the invisible technology for her jet, she'd have used it for her costume. Oh! I just realized the stupid kid on the bike is Tim Drake! I think I remember him getting his Robin series with the fancy covers during my first year of college. I probably would have remembered this earlier if it hadn't been thirty years since I read this comic book and also I was better at retaining DC history!

This was the clue that made me remember Tim Drake!

If I scan all of the panels where Dick Grayson's first name is used innocently in a way that makes me laugh, I won't have time for any inciteful commentary! And yes I spelled it that way on purpose. I've been doing this gig for eight years and I'm fairly certain I can take credit for five different riots.

Sometimes?! SOMETIMES you wonder?! You should be kissing Alfred's ass every fucking morning you wake up alive, you ingrate!

Alfred lectures Batman about how careless he's become since Jason's death. Instead of responding by saying, "No, you're right, Alfred. I've been a wreck," or "It might be twenty years too late but maybe I should look into therapy," or even, "Alfred, I know you care. But somebody has to protect the people of Gotham," he doesn't say a thing. He just sits there grinding his teeth angrily pouting. Alfred must not have perfected his tough love approach pre-Zero Hour. Alfred's words have an effect on Batman. He slows down the next night and thinks with his head instead of whatever he was thinking with before. He said that, not me! He was looking at his fists when he said it but you know what his head was thinking about. Using the detective part of his repertoire, Batman finally realizes that Two-Face is behind the attempts on his life. He curses himself because it should have been obvious. But it's only obvious after you realize Two-Face is behind it! I mean, I almost figured it out on the second (2nd!) page when Batman thought, "The Ravager, in the past two weeks he had killed as many policemen." If only I had gone on the rant I was going to go on about that only being two cops (which, obviously, is two too many! Whew! Good thing I said that before the Blue Lives Matters bullies descended upon me!). Maybe I would have been all, "Only 2 cops! Over 2 weeks! And this clue on the 2nd page. OH MY GOD! Two-Face!" Tim Drake decides to hunt down Nightwing because he knows how much Batman needs Dick. But he doesn't find him at Titans Tower nor at his apartment which he shares with Starfire. Although Tim does remain on stakeout watching Kory through his binoculars until after she's showered. I think Tim Drake just discovered a dick he hadn't been looking for! Is that inappropriate? He's like twelve or something right? I think making a boner joke about a twelve year old is okay. I just thought, for a second, he might be eight or nine. That would be crossing some kind of imaginary line that I can't see but everybody else seems to notice for me all of the time, judging by all of their judging. Batman #440 Rating: A. Yeah, I know, right?! I gave a comic book written by Marv Wolfman an A! But it was co-plotted by George Perez who probably had all the good ideas, like the Alfred lecture and the Two-Face reveal and keeping Tim Drake's identity a mystery by having the reader look through his eyes and avoiding putting him in rooms with a mirror. Not that anybody would recognize him! I mean, they might. I think he was introduced a few issues prior to this. But who pays that close attention to comic books?! Fucking nerds, that's who! I'm using the term "nerd" in the 80s sense where it's a devastating insult that means your head is about to be shoved into a toilet bowl hopefully devoid of urine or feces and not the modern use of the word nerd where people use it as some kind of cutesy brag that they're into nerd culture. "Oh, I'm such a nerd! Tee hee!" Man, I wish every ticket to Avengers End Game came with a surprise swirly on the way to the theater! Just for the, you know, authenticity! People should have to remember the actual consequences nerds had to once deal with!

#Batman #Marv Wolfman #Jim Aparo #George Perez #DC Comics #DC #Tim Drake #A Lonely Place of Dying #Comic Book Reviews

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proiida · 6 years

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“plus ultra, go beyond.” it’s one of the core themes of bnha, and it’s a common theme in a lot of stories. after all, trying your hardest is typically a good thing. with the way that bnha writes it, though, often trying your hardest means pushing yourself past a reasonable limit. while there are certainly situations where this is necessary to ensure the survival of others, such as the number of times when all might pushes past the limit of one for all in order to ensure the safety of others, there are some situations where it’s just ridiculous to apply the mantra of “plus ultra”. doing so means sacrificing your physical or mental health in order to succeed in something that shouldn’t matter as much as life or death.

one of the best situations in which characters’ application of “plus ultra” is excessive is during the sports festival, a school event that pushes students to extreme actions to win, despite the relatively little harm that failing would cause. sure, failing would mean they lose a chance to show their skills to pro hero agencies, but it is no life or death situation. no two characters juxtapose each other quite so neatly in their approach to the sports festival as monoma neito and bakugou katsuki. the contrast between the two provides a great way to understand how bnha’s narrative promotes the idea of “plus ultra”.

now, why am i mentioning monoma, a character who is, in the grand scheme of the story, a pretty minor character? well, his introduction in the sports festival arc was likely very intentional and for greater purposes increasing class tension and comedic value. he plays a pretty important, yet subtle role in it. yes, he is mostly just seen starting shit with class 1-a and getting wrecked by bakugou’s intense ambition, but he gives us a way to compare the attitudes of the main characters with an “inappropriate” attitude. he is, to put it simply, the anti-“plus ultra”.

now, i am not saying that monoma’s approach to the sports festival was incorrect. hell, were the primary purpose of the sports festival not to put yourself out there for pro heroes to see, then the plan to make other classes underestimate class 1-b would have its merits. the primary purpose of the sports festival is what it is for the sake of advancing the narrative, though, and the narrative intends to portray monoma’s approach to the sports festiva as incorrect. he is in a story where one of the core messages is “plus ultra, go beyond,” meaning that he was doomed to fail from the beginning. that’s the point. we’re supposed to look at monoma and go, “well that didn’t work, which further proves that plus ultra is the way to go.”

but what exactly is monoma’s approach? well, let’s see a few of the actions he takes in the sports festival. i am going to include what monoma says was class 1-b’s approach to the sports festival, because it was likely driven by monoma, and monoma strongly identifies with class 1-b. first, class 1-b decides to throw the race and hang back so that they can scout class 1-a’s quirks. then, when monoma’s team in the cavalry battle goes from 2nd place to 4th place, he’s resigned to taking 4th place (only for bakugou to refuse to let monoma slide by without trying). in short, he lacks the “plus ultra” spirit that bnha so frequently refers to.

i believe the moment that most portrays monoma’s approach as incorrect is in the cavalry battle, with his team’s various clashes with team bakugou. now, you won’t hear me saying that bakugou’s character does something better than another character in bnha very often, but within the scope of the sports festival, he acts as the best example for “plus ultra”. midoriya, you say? jesus christ, no. i loathe to imagine how terrifying it would be to see a kid break that many bones on live television. unless “plus ultra” means “let’s all get seriously injured, thank god we have recovery girl here to allow us to do that!”, then. yeah. bakugou is the one we want to talk about here. (although, as i will discuss later, even bakugou’s practice of “plus ultra” ends up causing harm to him.)

so how does monoma foil bakugou, and by extension, the school’s motto of “plus ultra”? well, obviously, we’ve got to talk about bakugou’s actions during the sports festival to understand that. for starters, bakugou very clearly tries during the obstacle race, landing an impressive 3rd place. is he satisfied? no. in the obstacle race, bakugou, unlike monoma, refuses to settle for a place that will only get him to the next round. no, he wants an undisputable 1st, and he’s damn ready to take the million point headband from todoroki, even when his team has enough points to secure 2nd place. then, in the tournament, bakugou treats each of his opponents with a necessary respect by battling the best he can, expecting the same out of them. it’s his chance to prove that he’s the best on a level playing field, where he’s surrounded by peers who could actually give him a run for his money for the first time in his life. with the way he grew to see the world around him, he does not see any option outside of “plus ultra”. he would never even consider the strategy class 1-b took, because in his mind, to win, you just win. you don’t lose to win.

this idea of not losing to win. “plus ultra”, or if you’re really fancy, “ne plus ultra,” which quite so literally means “no further beyond”. the top is the top, and you just keep on going until you can’t possibly go any further. what all might says when rewarding bakugou with the first place medal (a scene i have a number of issues with, but that’s besides the point) really highlights the mindset bakugou takes. “in this world where people are constantly being compared publicly, there are not many who can keep aiming for the top of an unchanging scale.” unchanging is the keyword, this idea that personal achievement is not defined relative to others or to yourself, but rather defined by a position on an absolute scale. sure, there’s first place, which bakugou does end up getting in the sports festival, but then there’s “ne plus ultra”, the point where he isn’t just winning in comparison to others, but reaching the highest point of possible achievement.

being the absolute best that you can possible be sounds good and all, but when you consider the scope of human capability, it plays out pretty unhealthily. bakugou is basically that kid who sets the curve on a test, but breaks down in class because he didn’t get every question right. and as annoying as those kids may seem, especially when you aren’t considering what’s going on inside their minds, it is genuinely sad to think about the kind of perspective you have to have of the world to believe that first place isn’t good enough. you can’t relish the small victories, because for you, winning is the expectation. “plus ultra” becomes driving yourself to a standard that is simply unrealistic to reach every single time. by taking out the sense of relativity, it becomes less about doing the best you can do, and more about doing the best anyone can do, which are two very different concepts with two very different impacts on a person.

now, to bring things back to what i really wanted to talk about, one of the frequently repeated phrases in bnha. is “plus ultra” really the best way to go? i mean, at the end of the day, it is just a sports festival. it’s one thing for all might to push himself past the limit in a situation where failing to means putting his students in grave danger. it’s another thing to consider the physical and mental strain put on midoriya and bakugou because of a school event. and yes, i include midoriya, because this is the arc when he starts feeling the pressure to becoming the next symbol of peace (and again, the arc where he breaks way too many bones on live television). these are kids almost fresh out of middle school, being told, “yep, this event pretty much determines your future, and you’ve only got three chances at it.” i mean, from a purely narrative point of view, it does up the stakes of things, but jesus christ, the things it does to some of these kids is sad. it shouldn’t have to be something you get that torn up over, whether physically or mentally.

while i understand that bnha is a shounen manga and that it’s difficult to just scrap the high-pressure stakes of the sports festival, i do believe more could have been done to address the consequences of these extreme “plus ultra” attitudes. you can’t present the idea that “plus ultra is the way to go”, while simultaneously showing that there are serious effects to this attitude. so far, we’ve seen so many instances within bnha of how trying too hard causes more harm than good, and yet there has been no direct commentary made on the motto’s negative impacts on the characters. “plus ultra” is still a motto that is portrayed as inspirational, which sends some pretty conflicting messages. i can understand that it’s probably hard to tackle the issue. “try your hardest!” seems like an innocent enough message, and you don’t want to necessarily say you shouldn’t try. there has to be a way to go about promoting trying your hardest without saying, “work yourself to the point of breaking”, though.

#meta #bnha meta #my meta #mine #sports festival arc #i'm smart

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snkpolls · 6 years

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SnK S3E12 Poll Results (Manga Reader Version)

The poll closed with 487 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that this is the results of the manga reader poll. Anime only watchers are suggested not to read if you do not wish to be spoiled about certain events! Anime only viewers, click here to view your poll results!

RATE THE EPISODE 481 Responses

The final episode of the first half of S3 was another banger with positive reactions. Compared to earlier in the season when manga readers seemed more dissatisfied with the adaptation, we are happy to see that the final episodes of the arc turned out to be a much more positive experience!

Considering this episode was essentially just the calm before the storm, I was pleasantly entertained by it. Not the best episode because not a whole lot happened, but still it did what it needed to do.

I was super worried they would change something in this episode but thank Ymir-sama it's okay.

IT WAS AWESOME AND THAT ENDING IS ONE OF THE BEST THING THIS ANIME HAS EVER MADE!

This episode was so good! And funny! And angsty at the end! All the ingredients that make a good AOT episode

Very good, the preview was spooky and the whole episode had humor to lighten the mood, some emotional stuff and High Anxiety Cliffhangers to finish us off. Its gonna be a long 6 months.

HOW WOULD YOU RATE THE FIRST HALF OF SEASON 3 AS A WHOLE? 481 Responses

Overall, the first half of season three was satisfying for manga reading poll takers despite the changes.

All in all, absolutely stunning season. From the bottom of my heart, thank you WIT.

It was a really good episode. It followed manga perfectly. Every ep. of Uprising should has been like that. Too bad it wasn't, that why I rated the whole series pretty lowly. Honestly, I expected something better. But that was fine, not the worst. Yet, I would have changed a lot.

Really good way to end this half of the season. Can't wait to see the next half. It was nice to see a "calm before the storm" episode.

It was a brilliant idea to end the first part of season 3 right there, by doing this we were given proper construction to this arc.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE SEASON TAKING A BREAK UNTIL APRIL? 481 Responses

About 37% of respondents are sad to see the anime take a break, but nearly half of voters are fine with the break stating that it’s not too bad of a wait, with some who are even looking forward to the breather for a bit (we’re looking forward to having a good rest as well although we will miss the anime!).

I'm okay with it since it means that we will a get a really well made RtS arc. But they really should've said that the break was going to be this long earlier. Or just called it season 4

Waiting is something we SnK fandom know how to do, unfortunately

As a manga reader it's easy to not be too upset since we'll have plenty of chapters during that time.

It's nice to get a breather before shit hits the fan.

I don’t mind waiting 6 months when I know it means the animation will look a lot nicer as a result

I feel like i would have been less upset if they just told us from the start how its gonna be... I hated the uncertainty

If it means a fantastic second cour then I'm all for it. I mean my life is empty and I wish I were dead, but other than that I've accepted it!

6 months for preparing myself to let Erwin rest in peace

I AM NOT READY FOR RTS THIS IS LITERALLY THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO A HIATUS WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WIT

WAIT Studio

Does Annie have some space next to her for the next 6 months?

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SCENES WERE YOUR FAVORITES? 480 Responses

The Survey Corps’ sendoff was the most favorite moment of the episode, followed closely by Eren and Jean’s nostalgic fight. Levi and Erwin’s talk after the meeting made it to third most favorite scene of the episode, followed closely behind by Eren, Armin and Mikasa’s conversation. Everyone losing their minds over meat was another favorite.

Erwin was so perfect, I loved his little laugh, I thought the whole interaction with him and Levi was done so well... god, I'm gonna miss him so much, it actually hurts.

Good breather episode, comedy gold with the dinner scenes, and the send-off was just as fun as it was touching. Also, the extra scene was creepy and great, but I hope anime-only watchers don't spoil themselves trying to find the meaning to it...

I think they did a really good work with the Erwin x Leviv talk, and EMA talk... Since enfatizing Erwin's reasons, and showing Armin's, It became more clear Levi's choice in future

I loved EMA talk... it made me pretty sad because of the events which now are taking place in the manga. That was good to see them together in the anime.

My Eruri shipping heart was in tatters, I tell you. I've been looking forward to the ""I'll break your legs"" scene for ages now, and shit, watching it was a literal punch to the gut. Erwin's beautiful roar of victory on the wall, his final ""SUSUME"" just... I was in awe.

Sasha nomming on Jean’s hand was even funnier animated

The 104th dinner scene was just perfect! It's been so long since we had a scene of such warmhearted camaraderie, it really brought back all my season 1 feels for the babies. Beautifully done.

Overall great Episode, really liked how they foreshadowed Erwins Demise and his conversation with Levi, EMA talk was great too, and the serumbowl scene made for an amazing cliffhanger

DID THE GLITCHED ENDING SCARE YOU? 483 Responses

The abrupt reminder that SNK is a horror anime definitely seemed to work! The majority of people were scared by the ending at least a little bit, and some were thoroughly terrified.

"Blink and you'll miss it" my a**

Honestly it reminded me of how horrid the show actually is. I forget it's not all cute and funny scenes with a tinge of "yikes" that happened, but instead vice versa

I knew it was coming in the ED but didn't know WHEN and I was just anticipating it like a dark corridor in a horror movie XD

Moreso that scare me, it got under my skin and just stayed in my head the rest of the day.

Scare is not the right word. The option I'm looking for is FUCKING WRECKED

I learned that apparently a lot of you watch shit alone in the dark. But to answer the question, no, not at all.

It thrilled me to see them cleverly setting up the next half of the season this way

Only the Levi's distorted "you guys". The glitched ending was awesome

I saw some screencaps of it prior to watching so I was somewhat prepared but it was way creepier than i thought it would be, it spooked me

It wasn't actually SCARY, but I fucking loved it. So twisted and creepy

rip ears in that ending, it makes for some great youtube reactions though lol

Well, mark me down as scared and horny

SHOULD ZACKLEY’S ART BE REALIZED? 478 Responses

We suppose the real question is, when will Zackley’s “art” stop becoming something we ask about? :P All in all, most of you agree that it should not be seen or talked about. 21% of you are still finding humor in it.

HOW MUCH DID YOU ENJOY THE SEQUENCE OF EREN AND JEAN FIGHTING? 483 Responses

Most of the viewers enjoyed Eren and Jean’s antics with 84% rating the scene with a 4 out of 5 or higher.

Mikasa letting them fight and not dragging Eren way is the best part! It's such an important character development for her. Also this Episode was full of parallels to their training days. Great episode.

Eren and Jean bringing the Drama™ (as expected of Eren and Jean)

THE SURVEY CORPS HAS NEVER EXPERIENCED A SEND-OFF LIKE THEY DID IN THIS EPISODE - FAVORITE PART OF THIS SCENE? 481 Responses

The surreal experience of getting a positive send-off like this made Erwin’s smile and shout the overwhelming winner here, and for good reason! A smaller portion of respondents enjoyed Springlestein being themselves and a few called out Levi’s face in the comments:

All of it. Because it will be the first and the last time we'll see it

YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Levi looking at screaming Erwin like "WTF Erwin"

Hange smile

LEVI'S SOFT LOOK

I like the manga version better because Levi's smile was softer there

Levi's expression when Erwin did his triumphant shout.

literally everything about it was perfect

WOULD YOU LET LEVI BREAK YOUR LEGS? 480 Responses

While 58% of respondents cannot understand why anybody would want their legs broken by Levi, a small percentage were even asking for it.

THE EPISODE WENT EXACTLY AS THE ORIGINAL MANGA! 478 Responses

So, the story behind this one is that one of the pollsters posted this “question” on our original document as a joke while another one of us was at work. When the one at work got off, they put the question onto the poll form while the person who created the “question” was not online, not realizing it was meant to be an unpublished joke. This was completely overlooked during the final proofread. It was never actually intended to make it onto the poll but since one of us always tries to rush through things, here we are! In any case, we hope you guys had a good laugh, because we all collectively lost it when we realized the mistake much too late!

wow y'all throwin shade with this Q huh

Yes, it is Erwin's birthday celebration after all

Glad that Erwin and the crowd’s screaming was a ‘dialogue’ and that he screamed again.

Makes sense, given how its purpose is to set up the new arc. Not much need to leave things out for the sake of pacing.

They done it so perfectly! I love that episode and love the hope in the air, my man similing and being happy, I love they see people cheering for them. THAT was earned.

It still modified some moments like Armin thinking of Eren and Mikasa instead of the bullies in the manga. Maybe it's better and more consistent with the following events.

Thanks God! The whole series should has been this way. Compared to the sad 1st episode of Uprising, this one was a true masterpiece.

u people need to get the salt in your blood checked, let others be dissatisfied with something they care about? please and thanks

i don't care if it went exactly as the original manga or with some changes as long as the episode is good

THE CHAPTER SIGNIFIED THE START OF A NEW ARC, BUT THE ANIME USED IT TO END THE FIRST COUR, WAS THIS A BENEFICIAL DECISION? 478 Responses

The majority of folks thought shifting the send-off to the end of the cour to create an uplifting cliffhanger was a good way to end the season. Several people called attention to how much contrast was felt between such a positive ending and the credits scene.

I think it works great, especially the triumph of the send off and the "oh shit, what's happening" moment in the ED

should have been the first ep of the next arc, with the send off as the cliffhanger

It was a nice, fun send off for the arc. Has the suspense of the scouts going towards the foes. The next episode with the next chapter/s will be perfect for getting back into the series after 6 months

WAIT Studio used it as an effective cliffhanger but from an adaptation perspective it's just like the Wall Titan. Something to keep the audience's attention at the cost of the narrative's flow. If the season was going to be split then rushing the Uprising Arc at breakneck speed resulting in one extra episode was pointless.

The opening of 73 is a perfect opening for the second cour, so I knew from the beginning of the season that ending in this chapter would be their aim. The second half won't struggle for content, and they can either push ahead flashbacks (I expect some of Bert's parts from 96 making it into the adaptation of 77) or content that didn't make it in the first half used to extend other parts (Eren's experiments for Armin realizing how to beat Bert in 81)

I think this will help the second part by being on the way to Shiganshina to start it off.

Heck cliffhangers!

LEVI WASN’T EXPLICITLY SHOWN EAVESDROPPING UNTIL THE END OF EMA’S CONVERSATION, DO YOU THINK THIS DIMINISHED THE FORESHADOWING? 478 Responses

The vast majority of respondents agreed that as long as we saw him listening to them, that’s ultimately all that matters. A small few believe that not showing him listening in on them earlier will diminish the overall impact when he makes his decisions later, however.

I don't think it matters, especially if the anime includes a flashcut to this moment post-decision, which will make its important even more obvious for viewers who may not remember this scene at all.

I'm not sure, I guess it did seem more ambiguous here. They'll flashback to it when serumbowl happens though.

Wouldn’t have spent more time on it. This show is about subtle details. I think its ok.

It still worked, but I would have liked it to have been made clear that he saw Armin's expression when he was talking about the ocean

No, but i think it was nice in the manga to see that at the beginning of the conversation he was standing and ended up on the floor by the end of it. Small detail, but i took it like he didn't mean to listen in the beginning but decided to stay in the end because of what he was hearing?

No, because it was a detail it meant a lot more. Subtle details have greater impact in visualities, manga is a different medium and the scene was used properly for its medium.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT WIT SHOWING *THAT PART* OF THE RTS ARC AS A TEASER? 480 Responses

38% of respondents believe that the teaser was a great way to keep interest in the series high. 20% specifically feel that it will keep the anime only fans invested. About 21% of respondents combined don’t think it was the smartest choice on WIT’s end while almost 10% are just not ready to see that animated at all.

Even though I already know what will happen, my body *isn't* ready for this shit to come, except for the lightning spears

Honestly, I thought it was stupid as fuck and a cheap way to keep hype up for anime-only people. I would've preferred my anime-only friend to go into RTS completely blind.

I think it's great because it lends itself a lot of hype for the next half as well as leaving it very open ended. Especially because they cut out lines about the serum.

I think this teaser shocked more the manga readers than the anime onlines.

It's the worst part of the manga they could spoil. I'm not sure what they intend to do by showing such a controversial moment

It was brilliant. Anime only watchers don't often get the experience of agonizing over certain cliffhangers monthly, but with this flashforward looming in their head, they have a whole season of suffering ahead of them. SUFFER LIKE US, ANIME ONLIES!

I really liked it but I think they could have shown a part of Bert/Reiner/Zeke’s convo since we saw Bert and Reiner at the end of the episode, and it would have anime-onlies wondering who the glasses guy is

I was shocked and hyped at seeing them include this scene, but at the same time I’m sad that anime-onlies were spoiled that at the very least Mikasa, Eren, and Levi will survive until this scene, destroying any tension of them dying

I'm really conflicted; on one hand, I was very surprised in a positive way, cause it was a ballsy and unexpected move. On the other hand, I understand that anime viewers might be sick of spoilers bc of the scene at the beginning of ep1.

It gave me anxiety lol. Please someone save my babies from their horrible destiny

One hell of a cliffhanger and I can't really imagine anything better to show everything going wrong (Colossal nuke is way too obvious, for example), but the people complaining about spoilers do have a point...

WHAT ARE YOUR EXPECTATIONS FOR RTS’S ADAPTATION? 480 Responses

WHAT SEGMENTS OF RTS ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING ANIMATED NEXT COUR? 481 Responses

Over half of respondents feel that the Return to Shiganshina arc will be delivered just as well as Uprising was. 37% of respondents feel it will be much better than Uprising’s adaptation. A small few don’t have much faith in the second half of the four.

FUCK ME UP!! R.I.P. ANIME ONLIES

GIMME THE 2ND COUR NOW!

I don't know if I'm emotionally prepared for this arc

I’m going to have 6 more months to mentally prepare myself for the return to shiganshina arc and I still won’t be ready

from an adaptation perspective it's going to be the same as the previous seasons. WAIT Studio excels at certain aspects of packaging SnK into anime, but as a whole it's a bad, rather than amazing, adaptation.

Is there a "NOPE I am not ready for RtS arc" in the questions?

WHAT SEGMENTS OF RTS ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING ANIMATED NEXT COUR? 481 Responses

The most anticipated segment of the Return to Shiganshina arc is the suicide charge + Levi totally wrecking Zeke. Following closely behind are the basement reveal, the serumbowl, Grisha’s diaries and flashbacks, the ocean and the showdown with the 104th and Reibert.

Kill me! I cannot believe I have to wait 6 months for RTS. 6 months until I can see Reiner and Bertholdt in action and the FREAKING BASEMENT!!!! I was fine with a 3 months break but 6 is too much ;____; I want to see Grisha's past animated

What everybody is waiting for the RtS Arc: the basement, Reibert fight, Levi soloing the beast titan, the ocean. Me, an intellectual: THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS (and Grisha's backstory)

can't wait to see historia looking graceful as hell in front of the sunrise while the SC goes off to fuck reibert and zeke up

The only thing I can think about is Zeke.... *screams* ZEKE AND EREN! THE JAEGERBROS! AND THE GRISHA FILES! SO MANY JAEGERS *dies*

I'm definitely looking forward to RTS okay, but I'm dreading it more, honestly. But the one thing I'm looking forward to, and really hoping they'll animate, is Levi taking down those Titans on the way to Zeke. I know the focus is on Erwin's last charge in the manga, and rightly so, but DAMN, I want to see Levi do that -I honestly don't think anyone, even Mikasa, could do what he did there.

I have a fever, and the only prescription is Season 3 Part 2

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

A pretty decent choice for a midseason finale. But most important, a pretty good choice for episode 49. Once we're back in April, the series will be celebrating having made it to 50 episodes. Just 2 years ago, we were wondering if we'd ever get episode 26, and now we're getting to a landmark episode that will be exciting and memorable! Nothing between chapters 70-72 could've worked as such a landmark, in my opinion, but chapters 73-74? Absolutely perfect for it.

And my ship finally got some screen time

But damn wit... I almost got a heart attack because of the glitched ending!! Please, I at least want to survive to see manbun Eren animated

For anime watchers: I enjoyed watching your confusion over that ED. May you all be prepared by April 2019.

My heart is filled with so much Eruri that I may cry. You could literally see how much concern Levi had for Erwin in his eyes.

I love Bertoto and Raina more than myself. Guess, I'll die in April.

I'm an Erwin Lover™ and the show is gonna come back right around my birthday so this was Great and I'm Fine

It was out of character to see Eren fully clothed.

The moment when SC were cheered up and Erwin was so confident and happy and then they left into the sunset gave me goosebumps and almost made me cry :') it was a beautiful, strong, encouraging moment for SC!!

Let me just tell you how fucking HYPED I am for the next season after those previews during the ED. HYPED. And Jesus fuck yes, Armin looked like a charred French fry that got left behind in the oil. THANK JESUS. I was afraid WIT might downplay that, but no, my boy gonna be the CRONCHIEST.

The glitches were great and not too spoiler-y but WIT absolutely ruined it with the Eren/Mikasa/Levi scene. They showed too much.

rip ears in that ending, it makes for some great youtube reactions though lol

Erwin looked fine as fuck

Wit, you better be paying for my doctor visit. My ears were bleeding with your little trick you pulled at the end.

This episode. THIS FUCKING EPISODE. Man what a way to end the cour. REALLY, standing ovation to WIT. That glitch ending was just like that tiny Titan-in-the-wall scene at the end of season 1 that made me go looking for the manga. Absolutely brilliant stuff.

Thanks for these polls.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 446 Responses

Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please keep your eyes peeled for an upcoming Uprising Arc poll!

#snk poll #snk polls #snk spoilers #snk s3 #poll results

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faithandfearcollide · 6 years

Text

OUAT rewatch: 2x05 - The Doctor

David, your cursed self was literally married, sleeping with her, and having pregnancy scares. Maybe reign in your hypocrisy just a bit?

Dr. Whale: So, the Queen lied to us. Again. Are you sure? David: Remember who we’re talking about.

I love the screen transition from “Remember who were talking about.” to adorable bean Regina barely keeping it together, on her way to therapy.

Archie: Dr. Whale, this is highly inappropriate. [...] Dr. Whale, I have to insist, please. GO!

Archie I love you.

Also I can’t imagine how frustrating this probably was for Archie who’s been trying to convince Regina to come see him for ages. And then she finally does and this happens.

Rumpelstiltskin: Gentle. If you do it right, no harm will befall it. Unless, of course, you will it. Regina: I can’t. It’s innocent.

Rumpelstiltskin: Kill it. Regina: What? Rumpelstiltskin: You’ve seen it done, now do it yourself. Show me, you can take the next step in your training. Crush it.

She couldn’t even take the horses heart. Why would she kill it, Rumple?

David: Come on. What’s with the yawn? This isn’t school. It should be fun. Henry: I couldn’t sleep.

I love the subtle hints they laid for the whole red room storyline. I miss when the show would actually foreshadow and not rely on shock value to make a story.

David was great with Henry. Kept him occupied in all the right ways. I’m still disappointed we never saw Henry actually get riding lessons from David or Regina after this.

Rumpelstiltskin: Tell me why you’re really here. Regina: For power- Rumpelstiltskin: Stop wasting my time! What is it you want? Come on. You’ve done all your soul searching. Now tell me. Regina: Can you teach me how to use magic to bring back the dead?

I really really love that they added this piece to Regina’s story. That magic wasn’t just an instantly corruptive force in her life and that even after using it and agreeing to train with Rumple, she wasn’t just completely enamored with it and ready to wreck havoc and be an evil queen sorceress. Which is what I expected when I first watched this season. I thought magic was going to be the explanation for Regina’s darkness and Evil Queen persona and that they’d leave it at that. Which was totally fine, might I add. They’d already developed Regina more than I ever expected from the villain of a Disney show.

But instead, the writing gave her motive for using magic that made sense and then added an even better reason for her wanting to learn it and I'm so happy that they fleshed out Regina’s story like that.

Part of what I really adore about Regina’s arc is that we see her go from one extreme to the next (personality wise) but the writers made sure to make the build up to that change make sense. They continued to deepen her character even past the point I expected, and every time we’d see another part of Regina’s backstory, it made more and more sense why she broke and became what she was. They pushed Regina right to her limits before she became the Evil Queen, they took their time unraveling that story, and Regina became all the more compelling because of that.

While I was sitting here expecting a clear cut “I’m evil now.” moment, the writers were telling an actual story with Regina’s character. I can’t say enough how impressed I am with how well written Regina’s villain arc was.

They are so theatrical here which is perfect both for the fact that that’s exactly in character for both these characters, and they’re actually acting for Regina.

I love Jefferson. He’s so perfectly odd.

Regina: How would I do that? Jefferson: Well, you’re the Queen, aren’t you? Regina: That’s right, I am.

Regina just casually forgetting she’s queen is never not gonna be hilarious. It’s also telling how little power really meant to her.

Regina is so done with his antics already and I love it. Also the complete dynamic switch between these two from here and Hat Trick. It feels like they’re playing completely different characters from one episode to the other.

I really enjoyed these three off each other. The dynamics were fun and interesting. I wish we got a bit more of this tbh.

I just liked the aesthetic of this scene.

Regina: Whale? Whale? I know you took Daniel’s body and you took one of my hearts. Why? Why?! Did you bring him back? Dr. Whale: I did it. Regina: He’s alive? Dr. Whale: Yes. I brought him back but… He’s not Daniel.

Lana goes through about four drastic emotion changes in this one tiny scene alone.

To think, little baby Regina sat in this house and listened to the hearts of her mother’s victims beat in her living room.

What’s funny about this is Rumple likely set this whole thing up to trick Regina into taking a heart from a living person for Daniel. Which in turn, would kill that person and darken Regina’s heart.

…And yet here she is with a vault full of hearts at her disposal.

All of these hearts and Victor only grabs one. And then pretends to use it to “help” Regina so that he can keep it instead. Just grab two hearts!

David: What’s going on? I just got a call that Dr. Whale was attacked. Regina: You’ll have to ask his doctors. David: No. I am asking you. Regina: I came here to speak with him and discovered he was hurt. It’s the truth! David: What else? What did you come here to speak with him about? Regina: Someone from my past. I believe he’s come back. Daniel – his name is Daniel.

Regina is being so open and honest with David. This was such a great thing to see early on. Regina’s soft side hasn’t been seen much by this point in the present day story so it’s fascinating to see with someone other than Henry.

David: Whose heart did he take? Regina: I have no idea. I took so many, it was impossible to keep track. I need to go. I have to help him. David: No. Where is he? Look what he did – he’s dangerous. Regina: Not to me. He won’t hurt anyone else, David, I promise. David: You know I can’t take that chance.

Regina: I think it’s like when you awoke from your coma. He’s following his final thoughts to where he last met me – the stables. David: No. Henry. Henry’s at the stables.

Evil Charming rescue squad off to save their boy together is my aesthetic.

Henry’s such a great kid. Sees scary looking man covered in blood and his first instinct is to help him.

Kind of sad that this was Henry’s only interaction with Daniel. I’m glad we had it confirmed later that him and Regina talked about him after.

David: It won’t hold for long. Can you cast a spell to subdue him? Regina: No, I won’t use magic on him!

Not only will she not use magic on Daniel but she also doesn’t use it on David to stop him from hurting him.

Goodness gracious Lana is phenomenal here. I know I say this a lot but this is legitimately one of my favorite acting moments from her. Regina is desperate, vulnerable, heartbroken and stern all at once. Lana really gave it her all here and Josh was a great scene partner.

Regina really is laying her whole heart down in front of David here.

It’s sad that David sees Regina in some of her most vulnerable states while Snow and Emma are gone, and yet there’s no follow up. And all progress he makes with her gets forgotten when they get back.

This was such a visually neat scene. I like how they did this because it’s so perfectly fitting the character, but it also fits what they were doing in scene (hiding his procedure from Regina).

As if this wasn’t tragic enough…Daniel being dead, Regina holding out her last bit of hope that he could come back, Rumple using all of this as a rouse to break her, etc…but then you add in the fact that this actually would have worked had this not been a manipulation ploy.

As we discover later, you can actually use someone else’s heart to bring someone back.

I ship it.

Victor: I’m sorry. I failed. The heart wasn’t strong enough. It couldn’t withstand the procedure.

Ya think he felt a damn thing here? Maybe a smidgen of regret as he helps crush the heart and soul of a young innocent girl and trample all over the last bit of hope she had left?

This is what it looks like to fight for so long, hope as deeply as you can, and then have that last ounce of faith left in you sucked dry and the light in you snuffed out.

Regina didn’t turn evil for power. She never cared about power. She didn’t turn evil because she was angry, heartbroken or bitter. She fought through all of that. It’s not until she’s left completely broken and hopeless that she finally gives into her darker impulses. And I love that that is her breaking point. That a show about hope shows what losing it completely can do to a person. How much that can destroy someone from the inside out.

Which makes the fact that Regina’s saved by the belief and love of her son all the more beautiful. She raised a son who grew up to have the heart of the truest believer and I like to think it’s because he really was the missing piece of her heart. The hopeful part she lost all those years ago.

Wow this is so not okay. ;____;

Regina: Daniel… S-stop. It’s me. I love you…

Daniel: Regina… Regina: Daniel.

Regina: I can’t believe it’s really you. Regina: Daniel? Daniel: Stop. Just stop the pain. Regina: How? Daniel: Let me go. Regina: No. No, I won’t lose you again.

Regina can you kill me too while you’re at it? because OOOOOOOW. This whole scene still tugs at all my heartstrings. This is so fucking awful. Watching her lose all hope of having him back in flashbacks, to then seeing her have him back in the present. And then not only does she have to let him go again 2 seconds later, but she has to be the one to kill him again. AND use the magic she didn’t want to use to do so.

Like damn. Talk about pushing a person to their limits.

Is it bad that I’d feel sadder about watching her kill the horse? I really love horses okay?

I’m so unbelievably glad Regina had Archie to go to in all of this. This was a conversation I kind of wish we’d gotten to see.

Victor: And are you satisfied with the results? Rumpelstiltskin: She did seem rather… Heartbroken. Victor: She is. She bought my failure. Jefferson: You should’ve seen her tears. Rumpelstiltskin: I’ve seen the aftermath. Impressive.

3 guys just sitting in a forest together celebrating this young girls heartbreak and patting each other on the back for making it possible.

But sure Regina had no influences or help dragging her over to the dark side.

Victor: It’s been a pleasure doing business with you. Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, the pleasure was mine. Thanks to your efforts, I’ve made my monster. Now, I do hope you’ll be able to make yours.

The double meaning behind the term “monster” here is fantastic. I can’t say enough how much I love the way the writers connect these stories and the parallels they manage to find and draw between them. And how intricately they build them off of each other.

I mean, you’ve got Rumplestiltskin and Dr. Frankenstein (with the help of the Mad Hatter) collaborating together to make their own pair of two very different monsters. Rumplestiltskin makes his own version in the form of an Evil Queen, and Frankenstein is about to make his own version in the form of his dead brother. But both stories fit told together, they tie into the main plot and the main characters, and they use a side character with an already pre-built story (but add their own twist to that story as well) to do it.

Just a lot of really clever plotting involved.

I really do love this trio of misfits. Great actors, great characters, just overall great combination.

Rumplestiltskin: When they say I charge an arm and a leg, that’s meant as a figure of speech.

Bless the writers for seeing the opportunity for a bad joke and taking it.

Rumplestiltskin: Why bring that stable boy back from the dead? Why now? Dr. Whale: I thought… I thought that if I helped her, she would return me to my world. I want to see my brother – to try to bring him back again.

I guess at least Whale tried to do something nice for a change...You know, inspiring Regina to help him rather than just waltzing in and demanding it.

But as they say, karma’s a bitch. Had he done it way back when, he’d probably have helped both Regina and himself.

I really disliked this reveal upon first watching because it felt out of left field with the theme of the show. But I think I’ve come to appreciate it more now knowing how far they step outside of the fairytale realm. And I did really like how they used his story in relation to our characters.

#ouat rewatch #watching fairytales #ouat #once upon a time #picspam

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