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olivieblake · 1 year

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Hi Olivie!!

So here is part 2 of the praise that I owe you hahah. Again I will try to keep it as short as I, a rambler, possibly can!

Spoilers for Midsummer Night Dreams and My Mechanical Romance included

Midsummer Night Dreams:

The Wish Bridge: NILE AND LILA MY LOVES!!! They were adorable like I’m actually obsessed with them. How he said “no matter what happens i’ll just keep finding you” and he always did. BUT THE ANGST OF HER ALWAYS HAVING TO LEAVE UGH INCREDIBLE. Then how he wished to take her place because he knew she wanted to get out and live. But when she’s out she tries to find ways to be close to Nile and learns he was always chasing a river to find the bridge he always talks about (and how he always talks about a girl with lilac eyes). How the bridge and her were his favorite place and how his smile makes her stupidly happy. They just make me 🥺🥺🥺. My babies now I’m claiming them. Also the little murderesque love rectangle? between the side characters cracked me up hahah thank you providing humor with the angst you the best.

Avalon: Just know the quote: “Wherever he was, it amounted to undefinable bliss in her presence. She was a magic of sorts, a drug, a fire and a food all her own, and she diminished him wholeheartedly to blissful panic, to heavenly fear, to breathlessness and wonder, all with the spellbinding cruelty of her smile. With her, he felt he could see directly through to his future, and for each glimpse of it that he stole, he imagined it to be a gallery wall, filled to the moldings each time with portraits and landscape of her.” has permanently been in my head since I read it in this story. Him resetting after he finally met her killed me 😭

The Twelve Huntsmen: Soffia is a boss ass bitch I love her so much and this story really showed girl power. I am so incredibly happy she realized she deserved better than Steffan and got to be with Arnor in the end. Also Fridrick and Ragna together felt like a win for me I was hardcore shipping them throghout the story.

How to Dispel Friends and Curse People (Letters From An Aspiring Poet to the Village Witch): This one was my favorite of the collection! I swear every single page of this story is tabbed the quotes were everything. Can you plese write more poetry it was so good. Like this was filled with so many bangers like “you look lovelist when you’re curing me” “And I’ll see you tomorrow so we can do it all again”“if I can make you laugh half as well as you can then i think I’ll probably be happy enough with that” “the magical thing about you is how you are both these things at once” “I would dig up bodies for you if you needed it.” THEN WHEN HE GETS TAKEN SHE COMES TO THE RESCUE AND SAYS YOU CAN’T HAVE HIM THAT’S MY IDIOT (I SCREAMED),and “but I made you happy so we both win.” LIKE TRULY ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? This story was amazing. I still have not stopped thinking about it daily and I read it in May/June. Thank you for this story.

Sucker For Pain: I think this is one of the few love triangles in existence that I don’t have a preferred ship haha I loved Nora and Edmund in one way then loved Nora and Ives in another (plus Ives is a vampire so like he really did not have to try hard). I was very shocked she turned Edmund into a vampire. I was not expecting that but I’m very thankful because now she gets to keep both! P.S thanks for all the vampires in some of your books from a girl who will never be out of her vampire era.

This one was so fun I really enjoyed all the stories!!! I’m looking forward to finally reading The Lover’s Grim soon!!

My Mechanical Romance:

I really want to say thank you for this book, as a woman in STEM (although more the bio/chem side of STEM) this book would have beens so important for little Amanda to read before starting college (I mean it still meant a lot now but I think the impact would have hit even harder then) but I’m very happy it exists for young women today. I definitely have dealt with the same interactions and thoughts as Bel and Neelam and the little girl moments when she comes up at the end to them was very emotional for me (so did the acknowledgements 😭😭😭

However, I also really related to Teo a lot and reading his POV really felt like I was looking through a mirror to when I was younger and in ways my present day self. We both have fears of failure, fears of disappointing others, feel the need to be the responsible role, and fix everyone else’s problems before our own. I like how you said in an interview that he has to redefine his version of failure in this because it’s so true for both him and me. I really learned how to do that and how to focus on myself more in college, although it's always a work in progress. There’s very few characters I relate to in the same ways as Teo, because we share so many insecurities, but it was really interesting and introspective to get to read his POV for that purpose.

Love my teammates with tension TeoBel forever. Love how supportive they were of one another always. I seem to remember an interview I watched where you said Neelam would be good with a fake dating trope sooooo when is that 👀 (I’m kidding kind of).

I’m also hoping to go to the Boston Book Festival while you are there as Alexene to come say hi and talk about the book! So hopefully see you then!

So I wrote out the rest for the last book I’ve finished but it’s really long sooo I’ll stop here and just make a part 3 so this isn’t super super long!

-Amanda ❤️

I’m really happy I got to see you in boston this fall!!! and so excited to hear MMR means that much to you. that YA panel was great—I haven’t had many opportunities to talk specifically about that book and what the characters mean to me (bel’s identity and teo’s fear of failure, specifically) and it makes me really happy you were there for that particular talk

the poems to the village witch are my favorite, too. I always credit that particular anthology to the point where my romantic leads took a shift from broody masculine lead to… well, the poet? and nile, beloved nile. the wish bridge is mr blake’s favorite story of mine, which is the most significant proof I have of him being a cancer

#midsummer night dreams #my mechanical romance #filling the bucket

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samnyangie · 3 years

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Hehehehe I was bit hesitant to post this but it’s too gold not to share it! Plus, it’s a great contrast to this interview as he was being mature discussing acting in depth and overall, just serious(but cute haha). This one is light hearted (also bit cringey) as it talks about his past crush, Love letter, ‘snogging’ aka kissing(!!!!) and Romeo and Juliet, it’s more gossipy in a way? But I wholeheartedly love this interview, he’s so adorable.

So, I hope you also like this as well:D

*warning: there’s a slight mention about suicide and shooting!

(Credit)

__________________________________

"Robert Sean leonard's Lip Service..." (My Guy & Girl Interview Feb 1991)

Robert Sean Leonard's Lip Service...

What a kiss-and-tell merchant this boy is!

Robert couldn't wait to talk about snogging...wet ones, ones that make you want to puke! Eee...yuk!

But first we wanted to find out what he'd been up to since Dead Poet's Society and what his new film Mr and Mrs Bridge is about.

So Robert, what have been doing since Dead Poets Society?

"Oh, I filmed that a little over two years ago now. At the moment I'm in the stage production of Romeo and Juliet with the Riverside Shakespeare Company in Manhatten. I've also just made a movie called Married To It. I hope the title will change 'cause I don't like it very much. It's about three couples and I play the husband who's married to Mary Stuart Masterson. Cybil Shepherd is in it too.

"For a While after Dead Poets I went back to college. I took a year off and did some theatre. I also wanted to wait for a good film. A lot of the films that came my way were just typical teenage American junkie films. I waited and waited for something special until Mr & Mrs Bridge came along. I was so thrilled to get it."

What is it about then?

"It's about a family at a time before the war when four individuals spoke up, rebelled. It's sort of the last family unit in America where father knows best. The children don't have any rights-because they're the children.'

I play the strong silent type, who rebels when his father won't let him join the army. Paul Newman plays the father, and he's just such a brilliant actor. To me Mr and Mrs Bridge is about the importance of communication.

Going back to Dead Poets, is it true you got the part because you were unknown?

"Yes. The director, Peter Weir, had the talent and the guts to tell Touchstone pictures that he didn't want any famous actors. I was 19 when I got the part of Neil Perry, but i'd been working on stage in New York for five years before that-I started young.

"I still remember the weekend when we filmed the shoot-it was really depressing, just like the whole film. I'm just glad I didn't have to shoot myself on screen-all that mess!"

Was your school much like Dead Poets? All those stuffy traditions and horrible uniforms?

"My school was very, very, very different. I went to an ordinary public high school. It was much less restrictive. And we didn't have to wear uniforms. At my school there were the metalheads, leatherheads, deadheads and band fags -and I was a leatherhead, wore all the biker gear!"

So you were a rebel just like Neil then?

"Ha ha ha! Well I wasn't exactly a goody goody, thats for sure! I suppose I was a bit of both really. I was so focused on acting I didn't become too rebellious as a teenager. Besides I got to rant and rave on stage every night.

"But I was never at school that much anyway. I had to leave lunchtimes to go to the theatre. Strangely I didn't have many good friends like "The Society" But I did get along with everyone. There were a lot of similarities between Neil and myself, though. His passion for acting and learning. But unlike his parents, mine were, and are, incredibly supportive. The Dead Poets Society still get together you know. Most of the guys from the film live in New York and I've kept in touch with them all. There was a real camaraderie between us on the set that's carried over.

What subject did you hate the most at school?

"Well I loved things like history but my worst subject was gym. I always 'forgot' my trainers. I mean I like sports, but it's just that i'm such a miserable failure at them.

Did you get lots of Valentine cards when you were younger?

"I got a lot of cards at school, but not since. Actually I got a Valentine card last year from a fan, a girl in London would you believe. I don't know if I'll get any cards this year, but it would be nice. Am I sending any this year? Ahh Now that would be telling....!"

Have you ever sent love letters?

"I've never sent a love letter to someone I didn't know. I sent a secret one at school. There was a girl in High School that I had a heavy crush on, for four years! But I never had the guts to ask her out. I wrote her a card and I actually quoted a Blues Bothers song. 'I have everything I need, almost, but I don't have you. And that's the thing I need the most'. But I didn't sign it. She may have thought someone else sent it.

So, who was this lucky girlie, then?

"Her name was Joanna, she was my first big crush. From 13 to 17! She never ever knew 'cause I was really shy...I still am! Her last name was Lenz, so her locker was right next to mine, Leonard. So I got to see her every morning when we got our books. I did talk to her, and tried to make her laugh. Her house was pretty near mine too. I had a few pretty late nights where I'd go and sit on her lawn. She didn't know, but i'd just sit on the grass and think. I suppose that's just a normal thing about growing up."

Have you met her since you've become a famous filmstar?

"Well she moved to Florida when I was 17. It was the last I heard of her. Maybe I'll see her at our class reuinion. In America you always have a five-year reunion when you're 22 and you go back to school. I don't know if I'll still fancy her though..."

What first attracts you to someone?

"When I was 13 it was simply the way a girl looked and talked, and moved. Those things are still important now. But also someone who can make me laugh and talk about the same things and who has the same dreams"

What is your favourite romantic movie?

"It has to be 'Singin' In The Rain' I just loved the dancing and the scene where Gene Kelly sings to Debbie Reynolds in the studio. I'd love to do something like that, but I don't think I'd have the talent for it.

Have you, erm, heard of the word 'snogging'?

"Ha ha ha! That's a really English word. If you had asked me before I'd done Romeo and Juliet, I wouldn't have had a clue! But our stage director is English.

There's this one scene in Romeo and Juliet, the kiss goodbye, and he used to snap his fingers and shout "Come on, come on you two, we don't want this to be a snogging session"."

Do you remember your first snog?

"My first proper girlfriend used to play the piano and I played the guitar...we used to play music together (we'll bet!). That was when I had my first real kiss. I was terrified! She blew me away. There was a lot of fumbling, not knowing what to do. I remember kissing, then feeling nauseous (ie. wanting to puke). I just wanted to go home. I didn't feel pressurised into doing it, or anything. I just felt strange 'cause it was something new. In some ways I wasn't quite ready for it. Like it was something you're expected to do. But it's kinda hard to tell a girl you feel nauseous and you want to go home!!"

What's your biggest snogging turn-off?

"Gosh! Well it really turns me off when girls kiss wildly, when they try to swallow you. Or when their mouths are wet. I prefer it when it's relaxed and tender."

Have you had any other dating disasters?

"Not lately. I'm much to busy for girlfriends just now. But there was something in Romeo and Juliet, though. On the opening night I was in the tomb and I had to kill Paris then go and talk to Jiliet. I realised my dagger was missing, and she needs it to kill herself. So I just had to stop the show. I just looked at the audience and said 'Er, excuse me, but I've just lost the dagger! We'll have to stop until I find it'.

So I looked and looked until I found it...underneath Paris actually, who was lying dead in the corner. So I put it back in my sheath and said 'Okay, move on!"

Are you a good Romeo?

"Yes, indeed. Luckily I didn't have to climb up the wall to the balcony or anything.

Shakespeare really made an error at that point. If Romeo and Juliet touched or kissed in the balcony scene I think Shakespeare would surely have written about it. Whereas there's no indication where they touch at all. Did I have to wear tights? Oh, yes, I had to wear them all right. I've worn them before too. You get used to it. You forget you're wearing them after a while." Could be dangerous that...

#robert sean leonard #rsl #interview #dead poets society #theatre

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potahun · 4 years

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Favorite “Wo Men De Ge” Performances, all groups and match-ups included.

No ranking. Just faves.

“Yan Hua Yi Leng | Fireworks Cool Easily”, by Liu Yuning x Xiao Gui (Wang Linkai)

“The rain drizzles softly. In my hometown, the trees and grass grow deep” -- completely overlooked this performance at first. it starts off kind of plain and then gets weirdly intense in the last 1min and now it won’t get out of my head. hmm

“Tian Xia You Qing Ren | Lovers In The World”, by Qin Shen Shen (Li Keqin x Zhou Shen)

“Love is one cycle after another, one reincarnation after another, no matter whether in the southeast or the northwest; love is part after part, thread after thread of rights and wrongs, rendering lovers forever unable to say ‘see you again’.”

legit shouldn’t even have tried to translate this literally but you know what this shit is about. You’ve seen it. It fucks things up.

“Carmen”, by Mei Nan Zi (Fei Yuqing x Li Keqin x Zhou Shen x Xu Weizhou)

“Men are but a pastime, nothing impressive.” ----- Four “handsome men” sing about love and men being pastimes and dance dorkily to music with a cabaret feel. what’s not to love?? also 2 of them didn’t get the memo that it’s not a performance in duos and cant stop showing off their duo’s chemistry. just kidding. unless

“Xin Yuan Yang Hu Die Meng + Shi Ren De Lü Tu | New Butterfly Dream + A Poet’s Journey“, by Yun Dan Feng Qing (Fei Yuqing x Ayanga)

“Should we understand at once, or should we pretend not to? Knowing a lot or knowing little, what is difficult is to know when to be satisfied.”

I had to listen to this again to remember why I liked it and mmm. fuck. mhm. yeah. good. Also, I cannot translate this. Sorry. I tried.

“Meng Xing Shi Fen | Dream to Awakening”, by Ren Xianqi x Xiao Gui (Wang Linkai)

“You’ve known from the start that sadness would be hard to avoid; why fall so deeply? Because love is always hard to give up, hard to part with... Why still care about that little bit of warmth? You have to know that sadness is always hard to avoid, in that moment from dream to awakening. There are some things you don’t have to ask now, and people you never have to wait for.”

Aside from it being super funny in context, this performance is also close to my heart because it’s one of my all. time. favorite. songs.

“Na Pian Hai + Ting Hai | That Sea + Listen to the Sea”, by Qin Shen Shen (Li Keqin x Zhou Shen)

“Let us forget that sea, let us start over again in the next life. Let us, time after time, life after life, never separate again”

This one gets the prize of the most seamless mixing of two songs into one.

“Xin Tai Ruan | Too Soft-Hearted”, by Jie Tou Pai Dang (Ren Xianqi x Liu Yuning)

“Falling in love is always easy, but getting along is too difficult. If it’s not yours, don’t force it anymore” -- hnnnnnnggg in the category “songs with amazing lyrics that are always relevant at some point and timelessly too good”.

“Xin Ru Dao Ge | Like A Knife To The Heart”, by Qin Shen Shen (Li Keqin x Zhou Shen)

“I’ve really loved for you, you’ve really left with him. All I could give, I gave it. I can take everything, except letting you know... that I feel like my heart has been pierced with a knife”

-- HAHA this is the worst translation I’m sry. Anyways, the musical arrangement is hard because there are no beats for almost the whole song and when you’re harmonising without some beats or rhythm it’s hell and yet. yet. this is the harmonising kings duo, baby. oh yeah.

“Ai Jiang Shan Geng Ai Mei Ren | Loving the Beauty More Than Power”, by Jie Tou Pai Dang (Ren Xianqi x Liu Yuning)

“Red flowers go with green leaves, of course. But who will stay beside me in this lifetime? Elusively, we come and go. The feelings from the past resurface; the lotus breaks but its threads last. I sigh quietly. The world’s happenings bears many changes”

-- this song is literally impossible to translate properly, sorry, but it is one of my all-time favorites. Despite the simplicity of the stage and the changes in the song’s arrangement, as far as I'm concerned, these two truly captured its spirit of the song *chef’s kiss

“Ling Yi Zhong Xiang Chou | Another Kind of Homesickness”, by Fei Yuqing x Li Keqin x Zhou Shen

“Those clouds and trees; do not block the road to that hometown” - or as I like to call it: the harmonising trinity of death.

that gesture FYQ does at the end, when he drops his hand? my soul went down with it

“Qiu Niao | Prisoner Bird”, by Yun Dan Feng Qing (Fei Yuqing x Ayanga)

“I am but a shadow that you can do without as you please, coldly watching the way you look when you lie” - I didn’t initially count this in my faves. But the more I listen to it, the more I love it and now I LOVE it.

“Piao Yang Guo Hai Lai Kan Ni | Crossing the Sea to See You”, by Zhou Hua Jian x Ayanga

“For you I spent half a year of savings, crossing the sea to see you”. hnnnnnngggggg best. version. of. this. song. I've heard.

“Ni De Rou Qing Wo Yong Yuan Bu Dong | I Will Never Understand Your Tenderness”, by Luo Qi x Liu Yuning

“I do not want to make love too blurry. If you love, then love clearly.” -- hhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggg.

“Wo Ai Ta | I Love Him”, by Zhou Shen x Xu Weizhou

“We once leaned on each others’ shoulders. Now, we’re each drifting away in the sea of people”. -- 1) Very good. 2) Screamo? 3) Some kind of Nightwish-like opera singing that sounds very good.

“Qi Shi Bu Xiang Zou | In Truth, I Don’t Want To Leave”, by Yi Jian Qing Xin (Zhou Hua Jian x Jiang Yi Qiao)

- “The truth is, I don’t want to leave, the truth is, I want to stay. Stay and accompany you every spring, summer, autumn and winter...” -- this song can never go bad. Zhou Shen clapping with that slightly emotional look on his face, like he’s this close to crying? That’s me.

“Qian Li Zhi Wai | Beyond A Thousand Miles”, by Yun Dan Feng Qing (Fei Yuqing x Ayanga)

I send you beyond a thousand miles away, you’re soundless in black and white...”

This is not even part of the competition, but...you know.

“Tian Ya | The End of the Earth”, by Jie Tou Pai Dang (Ren Xianqi x Liu Yuning)

....I’m not going to translate it. I’m not even sure I fully get it. But boy, it’s so good.

One of the reasons I watched the whole show, actually. damn. dammmn.

“Ye Lang Disco”, by Qin Shen Shen (Li Keqin x Zhou Shen)

“On your left, draw a dragon with me, on your right, draw a rainbow.” ASKALKSLKDJSLKDA. Joy. In its purest, silliest form.

^bonus unsolicited qin shen shen pic, which illustrates how I feel about some of these performances. yup.

#wo men de ge #xiao zhan #zhou shen #ayanga #xiao gui #wang linkai #liu yuning #zhou hua jian #na ying #li keqin #ren xianqi #luo qi #fei yuqing #our song #it wouldnt be beyond me to add numbers to this as time goes by #but for now these are my faves #li ziting #Christopher wong

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dreamlikeafangirl · 4 years

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My favorite line(s) from each Hamilton song – Part Three

Part Two

Part One

What’d I Miss?

Where have you been? – Uuuh, France?

+ The fact that this was originally improvised by Daveed Diggs and it was kept in

Cabinet Battle #1

Look, when Britain taxed out tea, we got frisky Imagine what gon’ happen if you try to tax our whiskeyyyyy

mic drop

You don’t have the votes AH HA HA HA you’re gonna need congressional approval and you don’t have the votes

Such a blunder, sometimes it makes me wonder why I even bring the thunder Why he even brings the thunder

This just speaks so much for Jefferson’s and Madison’s characters, plus it’s iconic

Take A Break

(with Eliza beatboxing)

My name is Phillip I am a poet I wrote this poem just to show it And I just turned nine You can write rhymes but you can’t write MIne (WHaT)

And the rest of Phillip’s poem aaaah he’s just so pure in this :,-) I also love both his parent’s during this, so wholesome

Say No To This

Did I say ‘wholesome’? I actually meant

nO, NO

and also:

You see, that was my wife who you decided toFUUUuuuuuuu

Lmfao

The Room Where It Happens

Straight up, the whole song. Definitely my favorite in the whole musical. But I guess my favorite line would be

My God in God we trust, but we never really know what God discussed (hah) Click, boom, then it happened AnD NO One else was is the room where it happened

The way Leslie Odom Jr. says/sings that … idk, it just really appeals to me. Also, like, the choreography for that number? Uuuugh so GOOD!

Schuyler Defeated

FurTheR dOwN, fURtHer DoWn

With that familiar melody, geniussssss

Cabinet Battle #2

you must be out of your GODDAMN MIND if you think,

I love how Jefferson just stays completely calm when Hamilton suddenly screams at him, like, makes me think he has snapped before during one of their debates and at this point you just have to expect it at some point lmaoooo but also very in character for Hamilton, AND understandable, Jefferson’s very annoying indeed

A game of chess, where France is king and queen-less

I mean, that just such a great line … LMM HOW do you write so good

ALso, I really wanted to link this one really great post here, it’s about when Jefferson says “Did you forget Lafayette?” and then OP put this one scene in Mulan where she holds up her hair into a bun to show the villain she’s the ‘man’. Nvm I can’t explain it well enough but I hope you’ve seen it or will someday because it’s the best

Washington On Your Side

Someone on Youtube captioned Jefferson’s little laughs at the beginning when Burr first starts to sing as ‘awkward unimpressed chuckling’ and I think that’s genius so I’ll just put it here (note that you can only hear it in the movie itself, it’s not included in the recordings)

*awkward unimpressed chuckling*

BUt also the fact that Jefferson repeatedly mentions Hamilton’s clothes and how he dresses in a rather inappropriate way when meanwhile HE is the one wearing a PINK VELVET COAT is one of the funniest things in the whole musical to me

and in this number when he’s like

The way he primps and preens and dresses like the pits of fashion

I THINK Burr also notices this and even tries to point it out a little, at least that’s what I get from his mimics and gestures in that moment, but maybe that’s just my headcanon lol

One Last Time

This whole song is really beautiful and tear-jerking ngl :(

Though, in reviewing the incidents of my administration, I am unconscious of intentional error, I am nevertheless too sensible of my defects not to think it probable that I may have committed many errors.

And the rest of the farewell address. Honestly, knowing this is the real transcript of the real speech the real Washington gave and that it was written by the real Hamilton just makes this (real) special imo

I Know Him

They say George Washington’s yielding his power and stepping away Is that true? I wasn’t aware that was something a person could do

King George really never fails to make me laugh (also can we talk about what Jonathan Groff did with his literal 9 minutes on stage?? amazing)

The Adams Administration

Literally just the chaos that ensues on stage after Hamilton drops his newspapers

Note that 1) King George runs away in a hilarious manner and 2) Jefferson is actually startled/scared lmaooo

We Know

hAH! You don’t even know what you’re asking me to confess (CoNfEsS!)

I just love that moment idk it’s kinda satisfying (haha) to see Burr, Madison and Jefferson thinking they have Hamilton cornered only to find out they assumed the completely wrong thing – I mean, at that point, I think I was still kinda rooting for Hamilton ngl

No one else was in the room where it happens …

Idk I just think it’s a very clever little reference, and coming from Burr, I mean, he must know … also Leslie Odom Jr.’s voice is just such a blessing to the ears

Aaand done. Well, almost. Part 4 is here!

#Jule on Hamilsongs #my stuff #Hamilton song rating #(kinda)#hamilton #hamilton movie

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avenger-hawk · 4 years

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Also I saw ya mention starsigns and sis I am ALL about that noise. I just wanted to put my 2 cents in but this is not to argue or anything just a perspective! (And sorry in advance, this is going to be long, please feel no need to read it but it is cathartic to write!) I think in terms of Sasuke and Nruto I pretty much totally agree with their starsigns (obviously birthcharts are unknown but on the whole their sun signs make sense).

I guess the most well know trait for Libra is that they are friendly and well liked by everyone, which is pretty obviously a Naruto thing especially after the first few seasons as despite being a pariah at the beginning, he sways just about everyone to his side. But Libra is a cardinal air sign, this generally means they are leaders and full of ideas! They are very original and are the kind of people to get everyone excited and hyped. I think this is pretty obvious in Naru as he is always the most excited and getting people to join in on his ideas. As an air sign, being social and charismatic is all part of the charm (and Libra’s can be VERY charming) and they are great at keeping the peace, we see this in Naru and he is always the one talking the badies down and even standing up for some of them against his own people. Despite this, Libras can be superficial, they can be indecisive and unreliable. I see this in Naru when he is late to training/class/graduation, he tends to be focused on (sakura’s) good looks and vain in the sense of wanting to be the best to the point of neglecting personal development (seen in the early seasons). Although many of these characteristics can seem similar to a Leo, they differ in a number of aspects. (I, a Leo, will try to be unbiased lol). Leos are fixed fire signs ruled by the Sun (easy to see how we think we are the centre of the universe), as a fire type, it is easy to say Sasuke fits category well but there are more reasons than this why I think so. Keys characteristics of Leos are their loyalty, self-confidence and kindness. Although it could be argued Sasuke is not loyal, I would say he is and that his loyalty to his family both came first and was stronger than his loyalty to the village. Secondly, despite having lived in the shadow of his brother, it is always clear Sasuke is confident in his own abilities as seen when he is unbothered by Naruto as a rival in the early seasons and top of the class. With regards to kindness, Sasuke was a happy and kind child but this kindness was hidden as he grew up. He never tried to hurt anyone unless they got in his way, he genuinely cared for his friends but was driven by the need to avenge his family, another sign of his loyalty to them. And probably one of the most telling points was when he shared his lunch with Naruto, even though he passed this off as beneficial to the team, I believe he said this in order to protect his pride (Leos are VERY prideful). Leos can also be arrogant (do I really need to provide evidence lol), they are inflexible and once committed will not be swayed (his mission for vengeance) despite difficulty or personal suffering. Leos are lazy, although ambition and enthusiastic, Leos often take the easy way out especially if there is no strong motivation. Leos are very domineering, they want to lead (seen when he makes a bid for hokage), they tend to overpower others (basically everyone but Naruto), and can have difficulty listening to others (basically anytime someone makes a suggestion he doesn’t like lmao). Leo is very compatible with Gemini, Libra, Sagittarius and Aries (<3, Aries is bae). They do not tend to get on well with: Virgo, Pisces OR SCORPIO(!!!).

Brief interlude: Scorpios and Leos don’t tend to work out because Scorpio (as known as the honorary fire sign) are similar and opposite in all the wrong ways. Both have strong willpower and resolve, are inflexible and intense. Scorpios tend to be more controlled in their emotions but also more silently controlling of others compared to Leo’s loudly dominating nature. Leo’s want someone who will bow to them in the moment of truth but Scorpio bows for no one.

I’ll do Gemini and then stop I promise! Geminis are a mutable air signs. This means they are flexible, adaptable and changeable. The reason I can only half-heartedly defend Itachi as a Gemini is that I think his resolve is unchangeable and he is capable of being alone and isolated. Apart from this he does follow a number of other gemini traits such as being gentle (kill people as swiftly as possible, tries to avoid bloodshed and fighting), highly intelligent (hokage-level at early age), able to learn and adapt quickly(picked up fireball technique and others with ease). (and I know this is below the belt but fun fact most well known serial killers are Gemini/Pisces/Virgo). Geminis are most known for being multi-faceted, yes, a nice way of saying two-faced. They are open minded and thoughtful and are often known as artists, poets and writers. The story of gemini is that of two brothers divided by all circumstance(different temperament to Sasuke, different abilities, raised as first son). They are often innocent in nature (Itachi during the first war age 4/5 helping an enemy shinobi). They love to spend time with family, particularly younger as they are child-like in nature. Their intelligence leads them to seek understanding in all things (itachis depression and seeking for meaning in his life at young age). They require freedom (need to be away from the village and family pressures) and are usually quite talkative and eloquent (tbh he leads most of the conversation with Sasuke and talks a fair bit with Naruto).

So yeah I guess I’ll wrap up haha. I’m not really a fan of the other characters placements I guess for the main ones I’d say:

Naruto: Libra/Taurus/Leo (friendly, food, fiery)

Sasuke: Leo/Scorpio/Aries/Sagg (somethin’ with PASIÓN)

Itachi: Leo, Virgo, Cancer (somethin’ clever but also capable of bein a sad boi)

Orochimaru: Scorpio, no way he ain’t lmao

Sakura: Cancer, come on, how is she not

Kakashi: Gemini, Aries (he a smart boi but he go off too)

Madara: Scorpio, you don’t get fucked up enough to destroy the world without being a scorpio imo lmao

I’m leaving your opinion here because I already replied to an ask on N*ruto character’s starsigns, so it’s pointless to say I disagree with their official ones, so with yours as well. I can tell you know a lot about it and I’m not the most knowledgeable person on horoscopes so it’s just my personal opinion. Anyway what I can add is that Itachi as a gemini to me seems more like a choice made because Gemini is a double sign graphically, and that kishi chose it like this, not considering how the actual sign is, even though your explanation makes sense I’m not entirely convinced lol, he seems a person under Saturn signs somehow. S*kura as a sensitive cancer is totally not my thing, she isn’t empathic or sensitive, she strikes me more like an Aries or Virgo, some stubborn and imposing one. NO offense to Aries or Virgo ppl ofc, I mean her as a bad example of them.

#vivalarevolution #replies &co #submission

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justhereforseverus · 4 years

Text

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet

Chapter 5: Thy spirit within thee hath been so at war

During your first "lesson" with Severus Snape, you get a flashback of something long forgotten and avoided.

Notes:

This is angsty. TW: for shouting abuse, horrible teachers, classmates, and almost passing out.

Yes, I know a real flashback doesn't work that way but this is what I can produce with my limited writing abilities. Thank you so much for reading! I've also wrote some very emotional, romantic, loving, intense scenes for the future chapters and I can't wait to share them.

Chapter Text

I slept like a sweet little lion cub. Ok, no idea if they sleep well but that was the first thing that came into my mind this morning. I felt refreshed, full of energy and entirely at peace. Gosh, that sleeping potion was truly magic. I basically hopped into the great hall for breakfast and Remus looked at me like I’ve turned myself into a unicorn and exclaime: “What the hell happened to you? You look almost like a normal person today. Are you the real (y/n) or did you simply have a good night’s sleep?” I sat next to him and eagerly poured myself some pumpkin juice. “Yes, actually I slept like a baby. Severus’ sleeping potion is really something. Highly recommendable 10/10. Might work for you, too, you scruffy little dog.” He jokingly stuck his tongue out and finished eating his pancake before saying: “First of all: I’m anything BUT a little dog and I think scruffiness is not a negative thing because it makes me look cute – I let out a small ironic haha at this – “and secondly: Congrats! He didn’t poison you! That means he tolerates you, which is better than what the rests of us get: pure loath and hatred.”

“Doesn’t he also make your wolfsbane potion?”

Yes, but I’m convinced he’s putting something in there that causes headaches afterwards just because he can.”

“But you can’t prove it, dear! Anyway, any plans for the weekend?” “Yes, I have a date with my very attractive girlfriend Tonks so sorry no intercourse this time unless you’re open for a threesome.”

“Stop it! No, thank you, I’m good! You’re hanging out way too much with Sirius. I haven’t forgotten how he flirted with me the first time we’ve met. Worst pick up lines ever! But I’m happy for you. I don’t have any plans, yet but we’ll see. Might get a bit of reading done.”

“How boring but that might be just the perfect weekend for you. If you want to you can ask our dungeon bat to join. Maybe he feels social for once.”

“Haha, very funny. But either way I’m glad to have a bit of a break from teaching.”

I appreciate that Remus is so open and easy to be around with. Sometimes I fear we became best friends way too fast but it’s like in school. You click with someone and it’s you and your best friend against the world. His girlfriend Tonks has been in his life for a couple of months now and gosh they are so in love it makes me happy. Makes me miss having a crush and a relationship sometimes. I haven’t been in one for ages. I’m just scared and don’t connect that way with people. Well, unless you count celebrity crushes, fictional characters and poets long dead and gone. Hopeless indeed. I wish Franz Kafka’s ghost would actually be available, but he wasn’t a wizard so anyway...

When I passed my pidgeon hole in the faculty office I saw a tiny parchment roll bound with a green band. I opened it and read: “If you’re free this weekend, we can begin our lessons tomorrow at noon. Research which potions you’d like to learn and prepare their specific names. If you’re unable to come let me know through an owl, as I’m not coming into the teacher’s offices anymore for today. Yours Sincerely, S. Snape.” Ok, that’s my weekend settled then.

On Saturday, I arrived at the potion classroom with a long roll of parchment containing the potions I’d like to make, a thick notebook so I can make notes, and my fluttering nerves bundled together in my stomach. To be honest, I was nervous and this felt like a math exam. Perhaps this wasn’t the best idea after all. However, upon entering the classroom, Severus presence calmed me somewhat. I know others wouldn’t feel that way when entering the classroom. Yet, I simply feel like meeting someone familiar. Is that strange? Am I making sense? Probably not.

We discussed some of the potions I had in mind and he chose one of the simplest for a start. He put the instructions on the Black Board and I, as his temporary student, sat at the front table. I felt nervous and it was difficult to not see myself as a teenager again. Here and there did he tell me how to put ingredients into the pot or how to cut them rightly but apart from that he focused more on supervising. The potion was easy but I’ve never dared to try it myself without equipment, ingredients or someone to look after me. Unfortunately, I also forgot why my self-confidence and trust in potion making has disappeared. While looking at the flask turning a bright green with reddish streaks, I remembered something. It felt like I’ve seen this before. I’ve been here before. I started shaking and my mind went blank. It was like a deja-vu, a flashback to something I’ve completely forgot and actively pushed away from memory. How could I forget the main reason why I’m not doing this? I heard shouting in the back of my mind, my equipment pushed to the floor, glass breaking, a man shouting, screaming in my face and the entire class laughing. How could I ever forget this? I started shaking and the knife, which I used to cut some radish looking things fell from my hand to the floor. My vision went black and my knees became weak. Suddenly, I felt arms around me, heard a voice calling my name from very far away. I looked around and saw Severus with panic on his face, trying to lead me to a bench that was put against the wall. I remember sitting and he giving me a cup of something warm to drink. Slowly I got back to reality and my vision normalised. I felt Severus holding both my shoulders to make sure I don’t fall to the floor. When it came to me what happened, I only muttered an apology and held my face in my hands. He didn’t say anything for a while, put his long coat over me and then proceeded to finish the potion and put the equipment away. He then returned to my side still silent. After some minutes, he asked: “How are you?”

I was embarrassed and felt nothing but shame. I apologised again and stood up wanting to leave the classroom but he stopped me in saying: “Please don’t leave. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. We can simply forget that happened or not. That is your choice. I won’t ask. I’m not mad. But stay. I don’t think it’s wise to go up all the stairs when you haven’t recovered, yet. I don’t want to be responsible for any deaths in this castle.” I looked at him and he sat, arms and legs crossed on the wooden bench looking towards the floor. I obliged and got back next to him. “I forgot.” I said “I forgot why I gave up on potions. Why my grades have been mediocre or down right only passing. I forgot otherwise I wouldn’t have put you in this position. I’m sorry.” “You’ve apologised two times already that’s more than enough.”

“Sor -I mean. Yes.”

“I can be a horrible teacher. I know that. It’s not a profession I chose willingly, not that this would be an excuse. I know it’s not right. Yet, I never scream. I try to control my emotions at any times and let words speak for themselves. Whoever was responsible for this memory didn’t have the right to do what he did. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You outgrew him.”

“Thank you but… how?

“Obvious when you’re holding your hands over your ears and mutter ‘Please stop shouting’.

“Oh…..”

“As I’ve said: It’s fine.”

We sat in silence for a while and I sipped at my tea. When my spirits came back, I tried to lighten the mood as I always do in these awkward situations: “Are you giving tea to your frightened students, too or am I an exception?”

“My students usually hate and fear me behind my back so I’m afraid I can’t offer them this. Furthermore, it would ruin my reputation. If they want to be cuddled they can go to Minerva with her endless supply of biscuits. No, this is something reserved for grown-ups. English courtesy you might even say. When you don’t know what to do. Make tea.”

“I see. You’re not that frightening to me so far.”

“As I said. You’re my colleague, not my student.”

“Yet, you seem to be nicer to me than to the rest of my colleagues.”

“Maybe. However, I’d argue I’m a role model of courtesy and politeness.”

I chuckled at this “Remus wouldn’t agree.”

“Well, me and Remus have a difficult relationship.”

“He said exactly the same and yet I like you both.”

“Interesting indeed. We’ve barely talked.”

“Just a feeling. Thank you, Professor Snape."

“Call me Severus. No need for useless titles here.”

#tw #anxiety #flashback #anxiety attack #pro snape #severus snape #harry potter #snape x reader #snape appreciation month #snape x female reader #snape x oc

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mini-pretzel · 5 years

Note

alright dude yea EVERY NUMBER FOR SWEETHEART ASKS

… what have i signed up for?

//cracks knuckles

grab a juice box, grab a snack.

we’ll be here for a while. what have i gotten myself into

1. Talk about your first love.

oh jesus. i actually recently found my old journal lol

from way back when. 2009 i think? i was 13 or some shit. jesus. ok. so my first love was actually over the internet.

yeah, i know. nowadays we’re spoiled with tinder n shit, but back in 2009, all we had was myspace and msn and i met this fucker on skype.

i was so ahead of my time.

anyway, it was october 25, 2009.

here’s a snippet from my journal entry:

well i met a guy on skype. he’s a month younger cause my b-day is on oct 14 and his is on nov 18. but i don’t mind it.

yoooo i was into younger guys even at 13, jfc hahhaa //kill me jk hmu

and then on the next page hahahhaa omg

december 2, 2009

well me and ___ are no longer together. well we never began. he broke my heart two times already. going in depression. please don’t bother. first love, ha!

omfg damn, two months. yeah, that lasted long. also old me: ur so dramatic lol

also i was a feisty lil fella, jeez.

2. What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion?

this one

3. How’s your heart feeling right now?

a lil stressed. im like, hoping i can get through all of these questions without my computer crashing. pray 4 me.

4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do?

ok, first thing to note, i fucking love self care. like, too much if im honest.

baths with bubbles and nice smelling scents, lotions, a face mask, taking my time with washing my face and hair and putting on the cutest clothes after. also snacks, always snacks.

when im feeling like spending money: massage. full body. best thing ever. i treat myself to it at least once a year for my b-day.

5. What’s your skincare routine?

ok so i just got a new skincare line. it’s from nature republic. i have a cleanser, a toner and a moisturizer. it’s fairly simple (unlike 9 steps in korean ahhahha, but like i’ll probably get there in time) also i have a peel mask that smells like bananas that i put on twice a week to get rid of dead skin cells. oh and sometimes i do korean face masks, too.

6. How did you get to be so beautiful?

answered that q here

7. Do you have any stuffed animals?

NO! //hides them all away

8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?

thailand. my parents took me w/ them on their honeymoon.

lol idek why either. trust me.

i was just there for the swimming, riding elephants, getting food poisoning and downing two banana splits in one afternoon. good times.

9. Favorite thing about your room?

i live in a jungle. but also in an art gallery cause my mom buys paintings online and resells them, but it’s become such a habit for her they are literally EVERYWHEREE I CANNOT.

also sorry mom i keep forgetting to water the GAZILLION plants THAT YOU HAVE MOVED INTO MY ROOM FOR SOME REASON. they’ll be dead by the time ur home. srry ilyyyyy.

also tae hmu if u want some paintings. i got way too many.

10. Opinion on love?

dude. idk. i mean. it’s definitely not something one can describe easily or fully grasp.

im still waiting for my big love to come along, so like, we can talk about that when we get there.

otherwise, i’ll say this quote that i heard in a song:

give your heart, but keep your head.

11. Are you affectionate?

with certain people. im weird.

with some people im like no, don’t touch me pls. i bite and scratch.

and with others you cannot get them out of my death love grip.

12. Who do you look up to?

i look up to bts a lot. they’re doing a lot of good and they’re very respectable artists.

but i also look up to a lot of writers on here because i want to create worlds and writings like them. i won’t tag them cause rip them trying to find why i tagged them in this long ass post haha.

13. Favorite poet?

@psycho-slytherin

lol sorry bae

ur gonna have to scroll to find out why i tagged u. and then go red and yell at me. hahah.

i also like silentium! by Fyodor Tyutchev

also everything by pushkin (esp ‘i loved you’ fuck that one gets me every time). seriously. that man isn’t called the golden poet in our country for nothing.

i actually don’t read a lot of poetry nowadays unless its my own or my friends’

but im open to recommendations

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?

answered here!

15. Do you play an instrument?

lol no. i was almost taught the piano (lol rip me, i wanna kill my younger lazy ass self) and i dabbled into learning the violin. but that’s like a whole story and a half hahahaha.

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?

i used to pencil draw, nothing special tho. a lot of naked ppl lol. butts n boobs were my fave. also pecks whoo.

17. Do you dance? What style of dance?

i don’t! but i want to. i’ve been looking into dancing schools. i might do hip hop n stuff. see if i have the rhythm, i can’t tell from just jumping around my room lol

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology?

im a libra yo. diplomatic and indecisive af.

i kinda do? there’s some sense there, but it’s too vague. i think ppl need to look into their charts to really grasp their character.

and for some it may not be true at all, so like. idk. we’re all just doing our best here.

19. Favorite old film?

a russian film that i always watch over the new year. my mom would always joke that the new year doesn’t start till we watch it lol

the irony of fate

20. What’s your hairstyle?

idk

tell

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?

cloudy but warm. so there’s not too much sun but u can enjoy a nice walk outside without getting rained on.

22. What upsets you most about the world?

i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them.

23. Are you in love right now?

answered ;)

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!

here u go

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them!

i don’t! but i wish i did i would shower them with my love.

but @the-trth-untold dogs are the cutest and @psycho-slytherin cats make my day. pls spam meeeee. also i love @paristae cat too.

26. Do you have a lucky number?

yup. 22.

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash?

i’ve never seen a fallen star, so no.

but i’ve wished on a fallen eyelash, always.

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work?

emoji spells??

bruh i’ve never even heard of it till this ask wtf is that shit

bruh i mean if it works for ppl all power to them??? idk i never tried it

29. Do you believe in magic in general?

i believe in magic tricks. but magic died for me when santa stopped existing.

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?

here

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue?

gorgeous colors. i quite like mauve pink and deep dark blue tho.

but baby blue looks amazing on some folks. oof.

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite?

piano. always.

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain?

answered :)

34. Who makes you happy?

bts and all of my mutuals

35. What makes you happy?

sleep, food, music, writing, cuddles. and forehead kisses.

also more listed here

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like?

i live in a nice apartment. doesn’t have to be expensive, just nice and clean with wooden floors and spacious windows.

i have all the necessities that i need and im never lonely.

i have also touched countless hearts by my books and am able to live comfortably just from my works.

haha. you said ideal, right?

also have someone to spend it with. someone i’d write poetry about daily. a bestfriend first and foremost before a lover.

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?

answered this fella here

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own?

i used to have dresses. but not anymore.

i liked the long sleeve sweater black one i had with a low cut. it was gorgeous. i dont have much of boobage but i always felt like i was sexy in it.

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it?

yep. you just kind of take it one day at a time. some days will be better than the last. some days you’ll cry a little harder and some days you move on a little further. it takes time. make sure you have good people around you so you don’t fall into depression.

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them?

ah, to be honest i don’t have a closest friend. i’ve always been the kind of person that always had friends around her but never anyone too deep. and i kinda wish i did. i just don’t know who would come to fill that spot. people always leave, so i kind of gave up assigning that spot. i think the people that want to be in that spot will show themselves and tell me. otherwise i will not assume or assign.

41. Introvert or extrovert?

introvert. but i have my moments. i can be charming and friendly when i want to.

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI?

i had to look it up cause i forgot what it was lol

i took the test a while back: im infp.

there’s not a lot of us, apparently. which is cool. shout out to all infps out there!

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel?

hmmm. what kind of fairy tho? lol

maybe vampire? idk i’d be a sexy immortal lady that’d bite innocent boys and girls that just want to have a good time lol

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you?

this oneee

45. Parlez-vous français?

no~

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to?

butchart gardens

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home?

here

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous!

kdjfalkfjdlkdsaf //hides

this ask is flirting with me…

well that’s as much action as im going to get this new years eve lol

49. Favorite shoe you own?

my sweet rose gold kicks, yo.

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them?

lol no. i cannot. and i do not. im not made for heels. im tall enough as it is.

51. Do you feel loved?

every time i talk to my mutuals yes //cry

52. How do you express love to those you care about?

by saying cute words and by clinging to them like a koala.

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment?

sweetheart, dear, idk im just like anything honestly. love, baby. go crazy.

i also love mean terms like idiot and stuff. or nicknames that hold inside jokes, something between the two of you only.

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you?

hasn’t happened yet. so yeah. any takers? lol

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been?

reading a good book for the first time. or just experiencing something new that i end up loving for the first time. nothing can replace that first feeling.

56. Are you happy right now?

happy im almost done hahhahahahaa. ha.

no but srsly i am

57. What makes you smile?

stupid jokes. puns. someone laughing and showing themselves fully.

58. Do you laugh a lot?

i mean. i think so? i try. i make jokes a lot and laugh at myself if that counts?

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic?

ughhhh comfy bf aestheticcc

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)?

i have a sour view on marriage. so only if i love someone hard enough. but even then i don’t know if i’ll do it. it hurts too much to think about marriage and wedding rings for me.

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married?

see above.

62. Favorite flower?

orchid.

63. Favorite artist?

claude monet.

64. Favorite music artist?

bts lol

no surprises there.

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you?

its not something for me to decide. i try to be kind to everyone, but how it is interpreted is different for everyone. i’d like to think i’m kind.

and yes, very important. especially being kind to yourself.

66. Ever made a playlist for someone?

yes i have. i love making playlists for people. i don’t get asked that enough.

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath?

music. music always helps. and tea.

ideally i’d love for someone to massage my scalp, but hahah no one’s been able to do it the right way. when it’s done right i melt and forget about everything.

68. Early bird or night owl?

night owl.

moonchild, lol

69. Morning routine?

wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed.

70. Night routine?

SHOWER N NICE SMELLING LOTIONS. AND SKINCAREEEEEE OOOOF.

also fresh sheets.

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion?

answered here

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after?

i only cry when i watch or read something. and it does help. i always feel better after. but i tend to keep my emotions hidden away, the negative ones at least.

73. Do you like hugs?

i love hugs. come hug me, bro.

u must smell nice tho.

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

august.

75. Are you small or tall?

tall. 175cm.

76. Do you like wholesome memes?

answered

77. Favorite thing about the past?

cd players. chia pet commercials. flip phones. mom jeans.

78. Do you ever wonder about the future?

all the time. esp mine. i have no idea what the fuck im doing.

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in?

yep. i’ve lived in america and canada before. and traveled a lot.

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports?

i don’t mind flying. and depends on the airport. some are better than others.

81. Sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises. every day is a new day~

82. The beach or a forest?

bitch- i mean beach. :)

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood?

any time i am eating. or sleeping. or reading.

im so close to being done omg. this is fun tho.

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t?

always. ain’t nobody gonna deal with that baggage lol

85. Favorite kind of tree?

japanese maple tree

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth?

i mean i don’t even care about my health that much tbh, i need to work on that.

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything?

that i got to travel and learned english very young.

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book?

answered here

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment?

old school disney

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have?

answered this bad boi here

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance.

eyes. have to work on my ass tho. squats baby.

92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about?

after a massage.

93. Do you worry a lot?

eh, i worry enough, i suppose. there’s just some stuff you can’t control.

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?

dazzling lights of the city. especially in the evening. and in the winter. ahhhhh. someone hold my hand and walk with meeeeee.

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason?

no i haven’t had that pleasure, lol

maybe next year

96. Favorite pastry?

BUTTER. CROISSANT.

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness?

yes. uwu

98. How’s your day/night going?

well im finally done with this ask holy shit, and i need to resume writing my namjoon fic so… fantastic. i also have noodles. whoooo.

thank you for reading this whole damn mess of an ask.

ily

#ask #asks #the-trth-untold #klsfjflksa #omg i can't believe i did all of that #holy shit #lkdsjflkda #about #seriously

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thekintsukuroikid · 6 years

Photo

December 23 2017.

I never wanted to post these. I wasn’t going too.

It wasn’t until I saw the pictures of my family members did I realize I actually did capture something worth sharing, worth working on, worth feeling good about.

I’ve been on meds for awhile, been to therapy too. I’m starting to feel like I have the tools in my toolbox to start making some steps forward. I just don’t feel like I have the self belief to really go for it.

I’m tired, i’m frustrated and I’m finding it increasingly harder to rationalize this fight for myself. I remember being so excited when I moved away that finally I had the ability and the freedom to focus on myself, all of myself, especially my mental health. The commitment to do so has be fraught with setbacks and frustration.

The silver lining to which is the sheer immensity of kindness and love I’ve received from my friends. I question how I deserve it…obviously, and I am always wary of making sure our conversations aren't always about negative stuff. I don’t want to drag em down, or be a bummer. I always believed the most insulting feeling in the world is being pitied. I’d rather be hated than pitied. Maybe i’m just being loved.

I always need external context, I never feel like I can start or finish or be without some sort of external form of permission, context, and sometimes motivation.

Whether is a girls number at the bar, or a degree on the wall I can never truly feel happy or connected to a moment, or an outcome unless I can work out how i’ve earned it. I almost never do.

What this means Is that I am often left floating, never really sure of myself in any given situation. Never really sure if what Im doing or experiencing is really building on a person or values as opposed to the consistent stringing together of just getting through the day.

Taking pictures is a hobby that feels safe to me, it feels worth pursuing. I think because deep down I have never felt like the main character of my own story, behind the lens I don’t have to be.

I named this blog after Kintsukuroi because I loved the meaning behind the art of fixing broken pottery with gold. I wanted to feel like I could do that for myself. Shine through my flaws. But even if I don’t, you can still fill the cracks with pyrite instead of gold and still hold water. Maybe that’s ok.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

See the key to enjoying family vacations is finding little moments of solitude, of respite where you slip out the back and escape for a few hours armed with a bluetooth speaker and a book that wasn’t assigned reading.

-I found a beach chair on the very edge of the resort property, a small wooden fence and a small one person security shack all that separated me from the public beach area filled with local kids splashing and yelling.

- I played something slow and looked out into ocean and came up with as many lame water metaphors as one could presumably concoct under the circumstances of time and a mild hangover. - I present them here:

See I preface all of this by saying writing all flowerying and poetic like this is like eating buffallo wings really fast, like it tastes good but is always accompanied with the heartburn of being this self indulgent. It just kinda feels douchey haha. Ah fuck it lets go. Maybe self indulgent is the point? When else can you be self indulgent right?

How do I explain the fear of wondering if I wasted my best years simultaneously treading water, and never actually getting wet. How do I reconcile that? Am I gonna be in my late 30s wondering what its like to feel smart enough, or hot enough or good enough. That seems like it could suck, I mean it sucks now, what happens when it also feels like I’ve run out of time?

Speaking of water...

Sabrina Benaim said that Depression is turning lonely into busy.

and I am always busy.

She said that

“Depression is sleepwalking on an ocean of happiness, I cannot baptise myself”

- I get that. You see it all around, potential everywhere, happiness so close it seems within reach and everyone around you thinks so too, yet you can't submerge yourself in it. You just drift along, walking on the water that is happiness and not being able to get yourself soaked in it. Always staying dry.

- Maybe in my own metaphor if depression is the actual water?

- I wonder if Happiness is instead the sky you look up to when you’re treading water, concocting dreams of rescue helicoptors or philanthropic Pterodactyls swooping down to save you from your lack of cardio.

-I’ve tried to learn more about treading water by watching people who know how to swim really really well.

Google defines the Rapture of the Deep as an incapacitation that occurs when you dive too deep into the ocean, and no longer know what way is up. It can happen even if you learn how to swim really really well. One way or another some people just sink.

...and some people just take themselves way to seriously...I wonder if thats me?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

January 20th 2018

AN ADENDUM

I am not afraid of the dark.

Night time makes snack food taste better.

Depression is a slowdance lit ever so romantically by the light of the street light by my window. the glow of the 3:00am on the clock backlighting my stirrings, as a defiance against the convention of normal sleep patterns that’d make even my teenage angst say dude chill…take a nap.

- I envy people.

Not because I want some material thing they have, or some accomplishment. -

- I’m jealous of people who’s ears don’t constantly ring with self doubt. I always felt like I wanted to be a producer instead of just a consumer. But I’ve never had the self belief to stand by what I make...or just make. You know how people play hard to get? I feel like I play hard to want. Like all the time. Trying to be happy means sometimes trying to hard and that is annoying as shit.

I cannot for the life of me understand how people can just, be.

I cannot understand how people can get through the day with more hope beyond just getting through the day. I’d give one eye just to have the other see through that lens.

I cannot understand for the life of me how people know what to do, like ok you’re a therapist how did you know you wouldn’t be the worlds best advertising agent, or a poet or a spot welder? how do these other options not keep you up at night?

- How many people actually try Luge, like what if there is the worlds best Luger (sp?) and he’s instead stuck in the accounting department fantasizing about how to ask out the intern in accounts receivable? He could be fucking Luging bro.

What I’m saying is I cannot understand how people know who to be friends with, or where to live, or who to marry? What if a more compatible partner is out there but she lives in Nicaragua...Fuck dude you gotta go to Nicaragua maybe! maybe the beauty is that out of 7 billion people, out of a million decisions, and happen stances, out of a million one in a millions, you found each other. Maybe thats worth something too? The grass is greener where you water it and all that but how do you know you should be planting grass and not palm trees....or Weed?

How do you know what parts of the tree to prune, what parts can you cut to make it grow and what parts will kill the tree?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I do try my best, see thats the frustrating part I think. I've tried. I tried to be patient too, To not get ahead of myself. or try to feel like im entitled to feel better just because im trying too.

This has been the most open I've ever been with the people in my life bar my family. Not a single person i've told has reacted with anything other than a reaction of love and care. No matter how I try I can't feel like I deserve it. I’m so scared of opening up too much, and stifling how much and how long I talk about the bad days, I lie about how many good days im having because I don't want this to be a burden for them. I don't want to get left behind because when im alone this thing starts getting the better of me. This is all a bad mix of feeling like I have the most to lose and feeling like I have the least amount of resources i’ve ever had to not lose them.

So much has changed and yet, it still feels like I have nothing to show for any of this.

I read somewhere once that possession is the enemy of love.

That you kill a flower by picking it. Instead of watering it where its rooted.

Maybe more patience is required, it’d just be nice for a sign that somethings sprouted, that i’m doing the right things to bring forth an eventuality that this chapter of my life will be over. I just wonder when perseverance ends and delusion begins?

I went into my brothers room to give put back a book. I found his sticky notes plastered all over his desk with like meditative buzz word, he's got books on history of architecture and james baldwin and eckhart tolle with the bookmarks well into them. He's starting his own creative company, hes filled out an application for the NYT. he's doing freelance work. hes already killing it with his company and in school. He is an awesome photographer, he's a fashion whiz. he's a veritable genius. and I can't get out of bed. I walked 3 steps out the door today, said nope, and went to bed. I went to bed at midnight last night and didn’t leave my room until 4pm. Im not saying this in a jealous way or in away that harbours any negativity towards him. I love my brother, even if we are never going to be on the terms I hoped we’d be. To be honest I'm not really interested in the things he's into so him being good at those things don't take anything away from me. Its just insane to me how far behind I feel. I can't even basically function and he's taking on the world. If he were where I am, the world would be robbed of so much of the things he can do. I just feel like i'm robbing myself of what I could maybe do too. and It used to be a thing where If I saw somebody getting theirs, id be like aight I gotta go get mine too and id be motivated and it'd give me a boost. Because I believed in my better. I believed I had more to give. now I just, I can't envision any of that for myself. I don't even know what it looks like anymore.

I know that isn’t a fair comparison, I know he’s healthy and I’m not, I know comparison is the thief of joy.

It’s just, I started this whole getting healthy thing to start feeling more like myself. To start to answer the questions about what I could do if depression wasn’t at the forefront of every endeavour I chose to undertake, every thought that crossed my mind and every relationship I established. The fact is I feel no closer to answering that question. None. I feel farther than ever. I am the product of such wonderful privledge, to waste those gifts on a disease so self centred and indulgent seems ridiculous to me, yet here I am.

I have people walking with me now on this whimsical mental health adventure I’m on. Which is weird, because for the first time I’ve had to be cognizant of where my arms flail, or how much room I take up on the sidewalk. We walk together lock step, looking at that straight lined horizon, for something to eagerly burst its linearity and meet us more than half way.

While I appreciate the company it’s come with the added fear of what will happen if and when I have to stop, to stumble, to catch my breath, and for the sake of time, they keep walking. Until I can’t see them. Until the horizon is no longer something to move forward too. No north star to guide me home.

See gratitude is anxiety.

Always wondering how you’ve earned the luxury of a second to breathe, to use that moment to appreciate.

Always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

#jamaica #ocho rios #photography #street photography #travel #beach #nikon #d3300 #depression #mental health #lost in my mind

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lordofsunshadowandsailor · 7 years

Text

belated replies

I am sorry!

I was sure to have answered and published these before, but it seems I must have hit ‘save draft’ instead of ‘post’...

So I’m adding the only two new comments from the last update -- and that’s how I discovered this post still in my drafts --, and, as usual, I tried to give my best, thoroughest answers to you who read and comment on LoSSS.

Thank you so much, and sorry again!

hyperkaos replied to your photo “And what of his body, that Alvar had once with proud hands sculpted to...”

The anguish here and in the previous. So well written.

Thank you, dear. I am trying to feel what Alvar feels. Sometimes it’s easier, like anguish -- that’s how I often feel when writing, too. And worse, when publishing it.

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “His heart raced, swollen, his whole body shook, as if his skin were...”

Awww shit - I hope it is sweat :/

I’m afraid not... :D

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “If the man were aiming at Alvar, for having woken first and given the...”

SHOOT THE BASTARD DOWN!!!!! Sleeping Assassins suck!

I wish he could hear you... That is one of those moments of indecision, no more than a second, really, but that can still cost someone’s life...

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “In the distance, Alvar heard a dog bark in response, while the shot...”

The adrenaline! Life so much. . . Whatever in the face of death. Wow, what powerful imagery!

Thank you, dear. These two are held together not just by bonds of blood, being cousins, but of love -- which brings us to the theme of incest, and I confess to having never thought of their relationship under such perspective :O

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “Did you just…? Do you think he is…” Alvar broke the silence that...”

I hope it wasn't the pain of an axe that had woken him

What do you mean?

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “Did you just…? Do you think he is…” Alvar broke the silence that...”

Also, is Alvar a Germanic name? Not sure I've heard it before.

I’m not sure what I was thinking of when I named him. I might have, just then, watched a documentary on Alvar Aalto, the Finnish architect and designer I like so much.

Because of your question I googled Alvar, and HERE is to the name origin, but it also denotes “a biological environment based on a limestone plain with thin or no soil and, as a result, sparse grassland vegetation.”

And the “alvars, also spelt as alwars or azhwars (āḻvārkaḷ [aːɻʋaːr], ‘those immersed in god’) were Tamil poet-saints of South India who espoused bhakti (devotion) to the Hindu Supreme god Vishnu or his avatar Krishna in their songs of longing, ecstasy and service.”

How about all that?!?!!

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “Frederic kept his back turned to Alvar, letting his cousin take in the...”

I hope the gunshot didn't ruin their cover. Perhaps they should have tried to explain QUICKLY to the peasant that they were not the enemy. I feel bad for their souls :p

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “Frederic kept his back turned to Alvar, letting his cousin take in the...”

(I was just laying on the guilt a bit - totally understand why they had to do it)

Yes, and still it will change the course of their career, and their relationship, too, as we shall see soon.

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “If, just, he had been alone. Shoot him on the leg. Frederic could...”

It was a natural defense Freddy, you need to get over this. NOW

I should make you the voice of his consciousness... He is a professional soldier, so it’s probably not the first man he kills, as said... But this was such a waste of a life, and a bullet...

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “Will we bury him?” Alvar asked, hope infusing his question, when he...”

I hope it's not his poor wife and kids :(

This one we shall never know...

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “Not proud. Not the least, not Alvar. Not for any present weaknesses,...”

I have no idea how you made this look so perfect! Did you use 2 sims?

One of the good thinks EA has given us are mirrors. Some of the frames are really pretty, and the reflection is just perfect... So this is just a reflection, not two sims. I love playing with mirror scenes in my stories. I started with the first Ep of The Last Canvas.

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “Alvar glanced again at the tall, somberly framed painting behind him,...”

No mirrors? I guess he had other things on his mind. Like Phantom LegPain:( Poor guy

What do you mean? He is before a mirror now, though not having looked at himself in one for a while, and he is referring to the times when there were no mirrors in the Buddhist monastery in Sikkim, and the monastery we’ll visit with him in the next posts...

And I’ll have to research the phantom leg pain and attribute it to Alvar at some point, you’re right!

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “Aware of having approached the other hooded man from the back, too...”

This reminds me of Skyrim and Oblivion

I know the games just by name. The only game I ever played was Myst Online: Uru Live, years after it was released, when nobody else was playing it any more, and there hardly were other gamers online...

I have not even played TS3, haha... I am not a gamer, definitely.

The monk’s outfit is @silsharkie84, and I don’t know what were their inspirations to create it...

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “Oh!?” Alvar exclaimed softly, maintaining his back turned to the...”

How many skins does this guy have? lol

I answered your question HERE, with pictures...

nornities replied to your photo “Brother?” The newly arrived monk spoke in a whisper, but it echoed...”

I am again and again amazed by your use of light. Also of creating the set...

Thank you, dear!

I love playing with light in Sims 3, though it is often so frustrating, especially outdoors, and it has to be edited on PS later...

As for the set, this is my version of St Gall Monastery on MTS. I had to take it back in time at least a hundred years, so that it would suit LoSSS.... But yes, it is a beautiful lot, isn’t it?!

tyrellsimsoficeandfire replied to your photo “Not proud. Not the least, not Alvar. Not for any present weaknesses,...”

Finally, I get back to comment...What always fascinates me when seeing your Alvar, are the many faces you gave to him. A greek god, the lord, the soldier and now in his bedroom...he always seems like a completely new person. It is so lovely when a sim could change that much

I answered your question HERE, with pictures...

tyrellsimsoficeandfire replied to your photo “And what of his body, that Alvar had once with proud hands sculpted to...”

Alvar still has a very well defined body. I know he couldn't see it himself...but there is still some beauty (thanks to the sim-maker) Do you use some sliders to shape your male sims' bodies?

I won’t say that I have all the sliders one could possibly have for TS3, but yes, I do have many...

There was a problem when I created Alvar, setting the values for the sliders, so he has disproportionally big shoulders and a gigantic head --- but I realized it, in comparison to the other characters, far too late and way into the story, so he’ll have to remain looking weird :(

tyrellsimsoficeandfire replied to your photo “Alvar glanced again at the tall, somberly framed painting behind him,...”

No mirrors...reminds me of beauty and the beast. But I like his piercing blue eyes. You certainly used make-up on his face. I do this with almost all of my sims. Makeup creates unique effects.

I didn’t think of that story! Yes, there is make up on Alvar’s face, though not so much, since his body is already too heavy with tattoos suggesting what should be shelling scars.

simblu replied to your photo “The nocturnal breeze brought crickets competing with the owls, and...”

I'm scent obsessed, so love this.. reminds me of how tuberoses were famously forbidden to proper ladies because of their extremely seductive nature

That’s nice to learn!

I wanted to give Brother Gardener a singularity, and I thought this sense quite appropriate for him... I did enjoy writing this part, but almost cut it when editing the post, and now am glad I left it there for you!

simblu replied to your photo “Proper wolves.” Brother Gardener finally answered Alvar, once he...”

Such a keen observation

Alvar might not the be the best, bravest soldier, and even a bit naive in relation to dealing with other people, having always been so sheltered... But he is intelligent, and very observant. He shall still proof his value!

#hyperkaos #declarations-of-drama #nornities #tyrellsimsoficeandfire #simblu

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beneaththeskyway · 7 years

Photo

Trinity

Trinity summer festival 2017 I went to a festival this weekend. A paranormal and metaphysical local festival. And I must say that I’m so glad I did some research on what I want to resonate in my life, and how to connect with more like minded people. I found out about this festival doing research to find things in my area where I can connect with kind souls and essentially good spirits. I requested two days off of work to just be able to connect with every single vendor at this festival. I never request time off of work anymore, but as soon as I went back I knew I would be surrendering a lot of my free(me) time for a not so fulfilling job.

 When I first walked in, I didn’t look around at all of my surroundings to take everything in, like I used to do. I’m an empath and too easily I become stressed by, and I don’t even have to try it just HAPPENS, taking on everyone’s emotional status around me. And at this festival, I learned that where I bring my positive energy I found that more people followed my energy.

 I walked in and saw the alien set up first. YES IM NOT ALONE ALIENS DO EXIST. And it was so amazing to connect with those people at the first two tables. My goal after walking in and seeing that first vendor, and I decided this on the spot, was to go to every single vendor station and try to see if I could connect with these people. And I only wanted to put my money in the pockets of people who were working to fulfill their life’s dream.

 Recently, I came to the realization that I Only want to surround myself with artists, poets, spiritual people, musicians, and creators of all kinds. Because that’s all I want to do: create beautiful things.

I also don’t find myself being surrounded by people who don’t have faith in anything. Whether it be god, spirituality, a higher power, or even Themselves.

So, at this festival, I met a bunch of wonderful people. One on one. And that’s how I prefer it.

My moms ex lover was there with this girlfriend as she was vending. And as I was walking up to the next tent, in the line of vendors, I was reading these amazing inspirational quotes and I felt myself being drawn towards the positive energy within that specific tent. And then I heard someone call my name, “Allie!” I honestly thought I was hearing voices haha. I was Not expecting to see anyone I knew.

The guy my mom had been with in the past, his name is John. He is awesome, I loved a lot of my moms old lovers, and he was just so genuine and awesome. And he’s a huge horror buff. He owned a haunted house by the shore for a long time, I remembered. We went to the Eastern State Penitentiary when I was in 7th or 8th grade, and I had a BLAST. I wish that I could’ve just walked around the place as it was, without all of the flashing lights, fake cobwebs, and people in masks and suits jumping out and attempting to scare us. I was scared, but only because they touched us, and I didn’t know that was allowed lol 🙈🙈

But, anyway, I went into this tent because I heard my name and was drawn in more, and I met Johns girlfriend and I love her spirit. She writes poetry, I could tell by the journals and pictures she had sprawled out across the table tops. I found out after talking with her a bit that she was an English major and she’s a teacher. That’s so beautiful. I love the English language. More people need to expand their vocabulary more.

Now, I recently bought a bunch of notebooks to try to organize my life better, and I spend so much money at staples(I finally got a rewards card since I always spend more than triple what I was planning on when I walked in lol.)

But I realized that

Didn't

Get

Journal

For

Thoughts

My personal thoughts

Growing up, I’ve always kept a diary or a journal. Just so I could write down the beautiful moments in my life and be able to walk down memory lane when I opened them up 10/20/30 years down the line.

I CONNECTED to this journal. I connected to it. It was the first thing I saw when I walked up. I couldn’t stop staring at it. It was exactly what I needed to read, and feel, and connect with.

I went around to every vendor on the first day, and I didn’t spend buy much, if anything. I have to be careful with my money since I have to support myself fully, and I wanted to make sure I was investing into passionate people’s dreams.

Because too many dreams die when people are younger than 12.

And I’m Going to pursue my dreams. I don’t need anyone to understand that, because it’s not their life to lead, it’s mine. It’s My journey. I was not put on this planet to live another person’s life.

It’s my life.

I am so happy I had the opportunity to connect with all of these beautiful, amazing, like minded people.

Surround yourself with people who inspire you to be the best possible version of yourself, and the universe will do everything in its power to help you and push you to accomplishing your goals and fulfilling your dreams.

I connected with this one wonderful human being, Jenn, and she makes bracelets. And that’s one of my hobbies I just never found the correct way to keep good track of my beads hahahaha. And I saw her method and it made me so happy.

The reasons I went to this festival was to get my palm read(which was EPIC AND AWESOME,) get an angel card reading(I’m avoiding tarot cards bc the energy is more associated with things I don’t want to connect with,) and to buy some moonstone and aquamarine(my birthstone.)

JENN, my new found Leo friend who was sent to me from God, made me a bracelet specifically for me. With moonstone! And amethyst! And I can’t remember the last one, but it’s a darker shade of green. And purple and dark green are my favorite colors right now. She presented me every single bead she brought with her. And she had SO MANY BRACELETS ON. And now I know she made them all herself I could imagine.

She asked me which pattern I wanted, and she had shown me one of her bracelets, one with moonstone. And I LOVED the pattern. It was a moonstone, separator, amethyst bead, separator, moonstone, separator, amethyst, and so on.. And I asked for her to make me that exact one but instead of it being only purple, I wanted to incorporate the darker shade of green in that as well. And she made me this bracelet. Specifically how I wanted it. And it amazes me. I am so happy I met her and connected with Jenn the way I did.

I even met someone, who another friend of mine(who was also vending at this place!!!! Who I had tried to help vend at Froggy Daze last fall, but the weather was atrocious being an outdoor festival.) had recommended for me to go speak with to learn how to handle my situation better. Someone who suffered from Crohn’s disease for half of her life. And she found out she was sick when she was 22. I am 22. I loved her and her energy so much that I bought all of her books on wellness, crohns and colitis, and a book about family hardships and values, and one yin yang book that she had an excerpt in.

💞YOUR VIBE ATTRACTS YOUR TRIBE💞

***i forgot to mention how this one girl was selling her artwork, and I bought one after I talked to her about the concept behind why she made it the way she did. And it was beautiful. And it had to do with a diary excerpt from Vincent Van Gogh. She was selling her prints for 4 dollars. This lady who gave me a spiritual reading refused to let me pay her, and it filled me with so much happiness that I started to cry and I had to hug her. The girl who was selling her pictures, I gave her a ten and I told her to keep up with the good work and to never give up on her dreams

Surround yourself with beautiful people  People who bring out the best possible version of you, and who want you to strive to reach your goals. Do it, please. I beg of you. I promise you that once you make that step of being more conscientious about who you invest your time into, your life will change for the better.

💞💞 Love yourself 💞💞  And don’t forget to MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF.  💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞

–Allie Sun

#consciousness #consciousliving #mindfulness #lawofattraction #manifest #love #love yourself

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kittoforos · 7 years

Note

10,12,13,14,20,21 for the linguasks :)

10: Have you ever tried to learn sign language?

not in a focused manner, but i think sign languages are really beautiful and interesting and i’d like to learn one so i could communicate with people who sign and maybe do poetry/music translations (the trouble is whenever i sit down to work on American Sign Language (which i do periodically when i get a burst of interest/energy), i keep wanting to check every new sign against Russian Sign Language. i’m intrigued that they’re in the same family (French Sign) when the written/spoken languages dominant in the same regions are so far apart— what does that say about the cultural perception of ASL and RSL signers vis a vis American English and Russian speakers? and translation between the four languages by natives of any of them? i wish there was more literature on this)

12: Choose a Scandinavian language you’d like to learn.

[i am answering this based on a 25 second googling spree of “Scandinavian languages” please be aware that i know next to nothing]

according to an article i just skimmed, if you learn Norwegian you have a good shot at understanding Danish and Swedish as well, so that seems like the best bet for sheer efficiency, even though it has the fewest speakers of the three. tbh i just want to understand Chess the musical in Swedish

(if Icelandic counts as Scandinavian though then maybe that, since in high school i got super into Norse mythology and used to read peoples’ name runes and shit and i’ve heard the Icelandic music scene kicks ass)

13. Choose a Slavic (eastern European) language you’d like to learn.

ah, this is one i think about a lot. i feel comfortable now saying i speak/am ““fluent”” in Russian, but i’ll never stop ‘learning’ it :)

[other than Russian, though… i think Czech is really pretty, sort of soft and… rainy? and i already listen to some Czech music. it doesn’t have many speakers though… of the Western Slavic languages, Polish is more widely spoken, but i don’t feel a lot of draw toward it, except for a few poets and composers (including my abiding love of Fryderyk Chopin: the first historical figure whose letters i ever desperately pored over looking for an alternative parent, some model to pattern myself on so i could become an adult and stay, if not myself, then someone like myself…). i do like the way it sounds also. snap crackle pop

i’ve been advised by multiple people (including several native speakers haha) to learn BCMS next, since it’s four for the price of one, it’s supposedly pretty quick to pick up for someone who’s studied Russian in some depth, and i suspect that it would be a bit smoother to go East-South-West as opposed to East-West-South, so that’s probably what i’ll do? and after that maybe… both Czech and Polish? maybe i’ll try both at once just to see what that’s like lmao

yeah basically those are the three i really realistically want to learn. i’m open to more, though, of course]

14. Choose an Asian language you’d like to learn.

something Turkic for sure. Kazakh, maybe, or Tatar.

Or Georgian, that’d be cool.

Or Arabic, if that counts.

okay you know what there are a Lot of “Asian languages” i can’t pick just one

20. What language is overrated?

hmm. difficult one. my first impulse is to say French, but that’s only because where i grew up in Central California a lot of people studied French (as opposed to Spanish, which was sort of the default because it’s widely spoken there) as like a weird status thing and it was kind of a bad vibe. actually French is cool and useful. so Latin, i guess…? Roman history is really interesting, don’t get me wrong, i love it, but it’s not as relatively important in the history of the world as it’s made out to be, imho. yeah i’m going with Latin. it’s such a good teaching tool though especially if you speak English and you want to be able to parse new words/understand how grammars work and it’s kind of nice practicing on a dead language where you can’t really hurt anyone

21. What language do you think is too intimidating to learn?

fear is the mind-killer. seriously, i don’t let myself think in these terms, and i would advise everyone reading this to try not to either. it can only hinder you. (also potentially the speakers of certain “intimidating” languages, since a lot of this ranking languages by difficulty thing is rooted in othering them/their cultures as “too different to wrap your head around”. not a great look)

i’m not saying that all languages are going to be equally easy/difficult for a given person (with a given mother tongue) to learn, but giving up before beginning certainly won’t help!

#smetanovarevoluce #thanks for the asks!!#languages #langblr #the adventures of me #talk to me?

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batsysims · 7 years

Text

100 QUESTIONS NO ONE ASKS

I was tagged by @tickledsims ty ily!!

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED? CLOSED when i was younger my little sister had a baby doll that would talk on its own at night and we called it the demon baby and hooooly shit

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS? i dont take those bc my hair cant take cheap hair products but i do take the soaps!!

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT? i put the mattress cover sheet thingy on my bed but i dont use an actual sheet :/

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE? nah lol

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES? YES i love using office supplies i could spend all day at staples omg

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM? no lol but il save the lil receipt coupons and find them in my wallet months after they expire

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES? hhhhh bees

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES? yep!! i love them its why im scared to use foundation i dont wanna lose em

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES? i either smile or if my moms takin the pic il make a stupid face

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? i have terrible road rage...... um........... i also hate it when men interrupt me i just walk away at that point

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK? yeah i pretty much count everything

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS? i dont think so??

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS? def not lmao

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING? i have an eating dance, a drinking dance, and a video game playing dance hahaa

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS? yes ugh it annoys me but i cant stop

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK? at LEAST 0

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED? i think its a single? a single or a twin either way im miserable send help

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK? ummm probably You by Weird Milk?? its the most recent song i added on spotify so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK? yeah def unless its one of those “real men wear pink shirts” like just.... stop

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS? sometimes my sister makes me watch stevens universe?? il watch phineas and ferb too bc honestly who doesnt anime too but not always cartoon ones or w/e

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE? 2001: A Space Odyssey and Daughters of the Dust come to mind

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME? u kno where ;) no how big is the treasure?? if its a lil bit id put it in that drawer under the oven bc my family never uses that but if its BIG TREASURE id hide it in the backyard of the last house i lived in bc a. nobody lives there now and 2. its totally overrun with green bc of like two floods

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER? water! only water ever

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN? honey if theyre mcnuggets but other than that i use honey mustard!

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? chicky parm

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE? honestly Inception is my feel-good movie

27. LAST PERSON, YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU? a lil babu

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT? i was in girl scouts much longer than i ever wanted to be lmao WISH i coulda done BOY SCOUTS

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE? if cash is involved absolutely

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER? aboutttt three months ago!

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR? no but i can watch

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET? when i first got my license yea :( 15 yr olds are dum

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS? twice! very good memories

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH? egg salad gud

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST? the all star breakfast at waffle house yasssss

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME? honestly like 9 since i always have to wake up at 7 in the am but il stay up til 11 if i can

37. ARE YOU LAZY? absolutely when have ACTIVE ppl done ANYTHING

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN? i was usually a cat bc i never could find a costume i liked smh but when i was 2 i went as winnie the pooh lmao

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN? ox!

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK? just english but im tryna learn spanish and japanese and im fluent in french if a two year olds speech patterns can be considered as such

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS? nah

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS? LEGOS lincoln logs are big with nostalgia thoooo

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN? with dumb shit yeah but i usually just dont care enough abt stuff to deal

44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN? theyre both old idc

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS? no lol

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? not really tbh i like the adrenaline

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR? if im alone!! nobody deserves to hear that

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? nahhh

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR? when im in the drive thru haaaa

50. EVER USED A GUN? id like to go to a shooting range some time but ive never used one im also very anti gun so i probs would never buy one unless it was a cute lil glock i can handle well

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER? st patricks day it wasnt technically for me tho

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY? not in general but when ppl start obsessing over a certain one for months on end abt a certain time period and certain performers and certain songs and certain people of history i start wanting ppl to die

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL? YEAH I NEVER HAVE MONEY WTF

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI? my sisters obsessed with them so yea but never like. authentic polish potato pockets or anything just a frozen box of em

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE? apple?? im not rly into pie tbh

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? ive wanted to go into law enforcement/criminology my whole life!! for a sec i wanted to be a firefighter, a journalist/writer/poet, and some sort of artist but u know how kids are

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? i tried to find that clip from malcolm in the middle for like ten mins but i couldnt yea

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING? doesnt everyone tho?

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY? no im a bad adult

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS? nah

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE? im not rich!!

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED? usually just my undies but when im living with other people il wear a soft shirt and my dc heroes pajama bottoms ayyy

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT? ive never been to one! i was gonna go see metallica in baltimore but i moved before i could smh

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART? walmart sry targets cool but too much money!!! i go there for home things tho does kmart still exist

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS? ADIDAS ive been trying to get a full adidas tracksuit for YEARS

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS? fritos! i like the super hot cheetos tho

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS? peanutsssss

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN? Nope but they must be good im keepin @tickledsims response bc it made me laugh

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS? when i was a lil babu i took ballet and gymnastics a lil later

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING? i hope to never have a spouse ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? yep

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE? ive actually never even had a spelling bee im sure theyre a myth

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY? i think so??

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS? nah

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER? nahhhhh

76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE? no but i had a roommate who did i fell in love

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? yeah ok lol so one time when i was a sophomore my french teacher had to use a substitute teacher and hes the reason i believe in love at first sight im STILL in love with him wtf ive also had a bf haha im hilarious

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT? i dont really do concerts so i couldnt say but i think matd would be fun!!

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW? oh my god

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA? hot!!!!

81. TEA OR COFFEE? coffee!!!!!!

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES? i dont rly like either but i prefer snickerdoodles over sugar

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL? i can only do that weird frog swim i forget what its called so no im shit at it

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE? ye

85. ARE YOU PATIENT? if im able to distract myself?? it also depends on the severity of what im waiting on i guess

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING? probs a band i guess i dont rly think abt that kinda stuff sry

87. EVER WON A CONTEST? when i was four i won a coloring contest at the ice cream store

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY? nope im poor 89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES? both are good!

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET? i can knit but i cant crochet

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE? fckn bathroom

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? not rly unless its a partnership longlasting romance stresses me out especially with financial responsibility etc

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? -20 years

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH? my high school boyfriend hahaaa h,,,,

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY? im an adult sry

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? 1!

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS? nope! lmao i love her tho

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? red but i also like many others??? idk

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW? ummm not rly?? im not close enough to anyone to miss them and those i am close to im able to hang with

100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS TAG NEXT? god uhhh if you havent done it already and want to, @dreambot @nebula-simms @ellowynsims and @pixelbloom

#tag challenge #nonsims #ty lol that was fun

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sgt-peppersmanager · 7 years

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Do 1-102 😎😎😎 also you're a super cool human being just thought I'd let you know

OMG! Thank you anon!!💙💙💙

1.) what’s a song you depict with your childhood?• Come on Eileen by Dexy Midnight Runners. My aunt played a lot of 80s music for me when I was a kid, and she would sit down and show me music videos from when she was teenager. 2.) did you have a memorable childhood pet? • Yes! Two beagles. Donkey (the name kills me) and Loki. They were brothers. 3.) have you ever been drunk?• Yes, many times. My tolerance is top notch now tho  4.) have you ever tried drugs?• No actually.  5.) have you ever completely regretted what you’ve said?• Yes almost everyday. 6.) have you ever made someone cry?• I don’t know if I have actually.  7.) has someone ever made you cry?• Oh my goodness yes. 8.) have you ever been in love? if so, describe the moment you knew it. • Yes, sadly. Well we were on a sofa in my basement, I was cuddled up in his arms, and we had a Beatles album playing on my record player. The song was And I Love Her, and I honestly can’t remember exactly what he said (funny how things change because I said I would never forget) but it was something along the lines of “haha man this song is how I feel.” Which I kinda ignored cause I figured he didn’t mean that but he said he loved me, I looked at him and said “do you mean that?” And he said “if what I feel for you when I’m with you isn’t love, then I don’t know what is.” And it was that moment where I kinda hit me that I loved that boy all along. Now I hate his guts, again funny how things change.  9.) which came first the chicken or the egg?• Ted Allen.  10.) are you part of the lgbtq+ community? do you support them?• Yes! People should be allowed to marry and love who they want regardless of your personal belief! Plus I’m bisexual. 😎 11.) how many siblings do you have?• One older sister and I hate her. 😊 12.) have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love?• Yes? Maybe? Idk.  13.) are you a good cook?•Yes I’ve been cooking since I was 6.  14.) what is your favorite tv show?• Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I’m trying to find another show though. Always accepting recommendations 👀 15.) what is the last movie you cried during?• Dead Poet’s Society  16.) what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)• School Days by The Kinks, Captain Jack by Billy Joel, and High Enough by Damn Yankees cause I’m a fucking dork who heard it after I got my heart broke.  17.) do you have a middle name?• Elizabeth. Don’t forget the Z, they always forget the z.  18.) have you been out of your country?• Nope. 19.) are you a chocolate fan or not?• Yes I love dark chocolate and any vegan chocolate.  20.) how many people have you kissed?• one.  21.) what is your favorite album?• America’s Least Wanted by Ugly Kid Joe probably.  22.) what is your dream car?• I always feel so judged when I say what cars I want around my friends, because I know a lot of car enthusiasts. All honesty though I want either an old Chevy camper van because shagwagon amiright, or a hearse like in the Warriors 😂 23.) what is your lucky/favorite number?• 25 or 8 24.) what is your favorite flower?• Roses!!! 25.) books or movies, why?• I love both but I’ll pick movies because I have trouble getting my mind to focus when I read, I’m trying to help myself with that though.  26.) have you ever been on a blind date?• Nope.  27.) has one of your friends ever backstabbed you?• Yes.  28.) have you ever backstabbed one of your friends?• Ugh yes. Never again.  29.) what thing do you symbolize love with?• Death. Eventually its gotta end one way or another.  30.) do you have neat handwriting? • Nooooo but my cursive is pretty. Not many people know how to read it so I don’t get to use it much 😢 31.) do you have a friend with benefits?• Nope.  32.) do you want a friend with benefits?• Eh. Depends on the person.  33.) if you could be anything in the world, what would you be?• Someone who actually makes a decent living lol  34.) have you ever been blackout drunk? • No actually. 35.) have you ever met someone famous?• Nope.  36.) how many concerts have you been to?• 1, technically 2 37.) which concerts have you been to?• White Reaper. I’ve been to local punk stuff downtown if you want to count that.  38.) do you have a hidden talent?• Not really. None that I know of.  39.) what do you do when you’re stressed?• usually lay on my floor and wait for panic attacks to stop and listen to music.  40.) do you think money can buy love?• well 🎶I don’t care too much for money cause money can’t buy me love 🎵 41.) how old would you date?Well right now the oldest I’ll date is 20 because I’m 17. But when I turn 18 probably date anyone within 10 years of my age, I guess it depends on who it is.  42.) have you ever done something illegal?• No. i am a perfect innocent little child 😏(lol I’m so full of shit) 43.) what is your biggest fear?• big bodies of water and never escaping my family.  44.) what is an unusual fear you have?• big bodies of water lol 45.) can you drive?• mhm!  46.) do you believe in supernatural creatures?• yes! 47.) do you believe in karma?• sometimes???? 48.) what is one quality you need in your partner?• sense of humor.  49.) do looks matter?• eh it’s hard to say because only do you know what you think is “ugly” and what’s “beautiful.” Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  50.) does size matter?• 👀 51.) who is the last person you forgave?• Gabe 52.) what is your favorite ice cream flavor?• Superman, mint chocolate chip, or cookies and cream. But I haven’t found any good vegan substitutes for them 😢 53.) what languages can you speak besides english? • none.  54.) ever been on a plane?• Yup!  55.) ever been on a boat? • Yup! 56.) is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t? • of course.  57.) are there any friendships you regret?• YES.  58.) are there any friendships you wish you could make?• Yesssssssss  59.) have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours?• Yup… 60.) have you ever walked outside after 12 am?• Yup!!! 61.) have you ever seen a sunrise completely through?• Yes I have. I get sorta sick a lot (hard to explain) and some nights I only sleep 2 hours so I’ve seen a lot of sunrises.  62.) are you scared of rollercoasters? • depends on the rollercoaster  63.) on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually?• 9.5  64.) do you have any plans this weekend?• Sitting in my room working on an art project and hopefully playing guitar and finishing up homework 65.) do you miss anyone right now?• Yes.  66.) who do you wish you were talking to right now?• Lots of people. 67.) if you could have any superpower, what would it be?• Invisibility or mind reading.  68.) who is your favorite superhero?• Quicksilver, Spider-Man, or Deadpool. Comics are kewl.  69.) are you dirty minded?• Lol yes. I’m an immature asshole.  70.) what is your favorite song from every decade starting at that 80’s?• 80s - Pretty in Pink by Psychedelic Furs • 90s- Santeria by Sublime or Ironic by Alanis Morissette • 00s - Blue Orchid by The White Stripes  • 10s - I mean the decade isn’t over yet but digging Judy French by White Reaper a lot. 😎71.) how many kids, if any, do you want?• AGHHHH uhhhh people are gonna freak when I say 3 or 5 but yup. I want a lot. I guess I just wanna have a big happy family for once.  72.) who is your biggest OTP?• Anastasia and Dimitri 73.) what is your favorite food?• Guacamole  74.) do you want to be married one day?• Yes.  75.) dogs or cats?• Both.  76.) do you drink enough water daily?• 100 oz every damn day baby 77.) have you ever seen a shooting star?• yes only once.  78.) if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you?• I would but not alone.  79.) how many best friends do you have?• idk really.  80.) when was the last time you cried? • few minutes ago lol 81.) have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself?•no actually.  82.) have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed?• yes.  83.) if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go?• Europe.  84.) what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself?• Total Fuck Up.  85.) do you consider yourself a loyal person?• yes. I usually don’t leave unless you’re a shitty person to me or someone else.  86.) what is your favorite season and why?• Fall and Winter cause sweaters, hot food, warm drinks, cuddles  87.) have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it?• Yes but not in a romantic sense. I say it to my family all the time.  88.) do you know how to play any instruments?• yes! Guitar.  89.) do you like falling asleep to music or not?• Depends on the night I’m having, but usually yes.  90.) what are you allergic to?• Cats, I have seasonal allergies, and rabbits 91.) have you ever wanted to be someone else for a day just so you could see what there life is like?• Yes.  92.) if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be?• Probably Charlie from Always Sunny because it just seems like an adventure. Lol 93.) if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why?• Nick Cave because we both have similar artistic visions and mind sets.  94.) are you outgoing?• sometimes!  95.) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to?• Ugh yes.  96.) are you a good flirt?• I’ve been told I am by many, but I don’t think so.  97.) have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down?• Yes to both.  98.) which planet is your favorite? • Neptune or Saturn. 99.) are you superstitious?• Yes.  100.) are you a good listener? • I like to think so! I don’t always have good advice but I try my best to be there and help.  101.) are you a good kisser• I’ve been told I “make it difficult to walk after"👀 I honestly don’t know if that’s good or not. So yes???? I guess???? I can’t really kiss myself.  102.) would you kiss any of your friends?• Sure. Almost kissed a few actually, and I always tell them when I almost do and why I almost did because I feel the need to lol.

#mobile fucked the text over #whoops #thanks Tumblr app

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ckcker · 4 years

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Spit-Take’s Last Squirt

I look down at the parking lot of the apartment complex, I briefly think the back of a woman’s head walking away from me is the front of a hot guy walking towards me. I hear a deadbolt unlock and turn and am invited inside. Crossing the threshold of Rob’s apartment door sinks a throttled prick through my body akin to stumbling into a rusty and bubble-wrapped metal spike apparently for sale in an antique store. Even as the top door hinge passes by my temple as a snubbed showbiz air kiss there is a flash in my mind of something, unrelated to the physical apartment and also a thing I will never be able to remove, that asks to keep my focus in two places at once. Between these two places, the feet and the head spitroast me with their perverse negotiations. My initial trauma is at this point overused as a topic and let’s agree boring to think about; my mind starts to suggest trauma spinoffs instead. I am given a glass of water by Rob but then ask for a beer as, without asking, my memory gifts me excruciating yet kinkily edited content of my attempts to recover. One of the best ways to come back from a nervous breakdown, I decided in the aftermath of that notable moment, is to do it very very quickly, ‘few solutions are as correct as speed-processing a massive landmark shift in the perception of reality,’ I had soothed myself in the aftermath. I was hoping for something shittier than an IPA, I drink the IPA and turn, I notice the back of what I believe is an old woman’s head and body resting on the couch.

After my ˹survivable event˼ it was typical for all of the dying to retire inward. I believed I could bring back my life in the same way that people made jokes about being dead inside to prepare for the end of the world. Alright, the remodeling of total defeat into pragmatic quarantine. Enough disaster movies had passed, everyone notices catastrophes have entertainment value, I would walk past and look in the glass reflection of a recently opened Thai street food spot run by white ex-skaters, I evaluated my drilled in face and greyed out options, my de-emphasized terror: maybe even I could be entertaining. My original twist on the concept of recovering was to imagine my strength and ability as limitless. To decide I could pre-understand the well-flung implications of my situation, of a mind unable to cope with learning all of the things that are possible. I wanted to turbo-ravel a lights out unraveling; the poet who wanted to be a cop. I turn to Rob and say nothing about the apparently older woman, he also says nothing about her, asks, “what kind of music do you like?” before playing an Ace of Base song and I don’t have to answer. The woman seems to be activated. Her limbs slide against her torso and she turns to look around the room, then briefly at us but again at the room, then one certain spot on the wall to the right of where we are standing where she settles and says “hi” in a warble expelled as a foehn.

I return the hi and am introduced to Gail. I thought of all my failed solutions. For instance, attending several satellite Occupy Wall Street protests, where discussions of income inequality and widespread mobilization were annotated with shouts, why is there fluoride in our water and end the fed. One important takeaway involved a large man yelling along to the song being played on the sound system, “fuck you I won’t do what you tell me,” for two repetitions of the lyric before realizing no one else would join him and vanishing into embarrassed aerosol. A successful protest fixates on a way for everyone to feel more or less the same emotion at a coordinated moment. A successful protest is very sharply art directed and does not relish the display of rehearsed outrage. The foot I thought I’d taken out of my ass and put through the door had somehow ended up in some other ass. Feel it for the first time again. Though people will regularly re-watch movies only waiting for their favorite lines to be said, it seems they rarely stop to consider protest tactics they have seen before. I thought I had the patience, the dedication for such things, I tapped out naturally and in gas form. “She needed a place to stay for a bit,” Rob tells me, Gail says nothing but smiles lightly, looking at us in some awesome combo of salivating for a response and indifferent to the fact of being trapped behind twenty successive panes of stained glass. Tchah, the experience of watching an ancient demon fail an eight week long beginner’s course on improv. “I see,” I conclude, Gail’s expression remains the same. “Wow…’Beautiful Life’ is such a good song,” Rob says. The song moves to the front. I say, “Yes, I do love ‘Beautiful Life.’”

I had tried walks and not just sometimes but many walks. Down the city cul-de-sac at a certain time. Listening to wordless music, this one some sort of ambient dramatization of Eurydice’s botched escape from the underworld, a repetitive melancholy chunnel. Then a rotation: it becomes Britney from an era when pop turned us around an axis both blingy and higgedly-piggedly-nigh-fucky-wucky, gently increasing the healing concept with each exacting flail, that there may be a consolation for all problems leading up to and including the end of the world. The consolation was dancing all night. Of course the time of my walks was twilight. Fried mindsets gave the music much power as a narrative soundtrack; as I looked at a single branch of a very tall tree overhead and caught in sunset and streetlight, jiggled evocatively by wind, and heard a sort of coincidental despair-organized belch from the buckled gut of the mp3, I attempted to speed things up by trying to lose my mind all of the way. This did not work, I had to stay somewhere in between.

I went on more walks alone but never too far from my amazing bed. It was crucial to be within 30 walking minutes of somewhere unsurveilled where I could lay down and catalogue mysterious headaches, as mysterious headaches had rightfully been selected as the center of my world. The speed of losing a mind is incredibly hard to measure. Gail also listens to ‘Beautiful Life’ and clearly does not know what it is, I don’t feel familiar enough with Rob to confront the question of how they know each other, I try:

“Are you two related?”

“No no no, haha,” Rob’s voice enters an excited tone. Gail emerges a glacial grin that, even as it forms one of the most approachable configurations able to be realized on a face, still seems misdirected from the hook of a comforting social cue, “no, I met Gail at a bar last night. At Tina’s. She just needs a place to stay for a little. She just moved back here.” “I spent many years in Lawrence, with my family,” Gail says.

“I see.”

Context clues point to homeless, I ache to know much more, Rob twirls around with unbridled pizazz. He puts his two arms straight out towards me, “what would — ohhh!!” He retracts his arms. “I was going to ask if you wanted something to drink.” Gail rests, “but you already have a beer,” and here he must have felt the panic to entertain away a social gaffe by immediately giving a clear-cut logical explanation, “my mind has been wiped away this week. So much molly… Well… good.”

“Yes.”

“Yes INDEED hunny. This past weekend just about mummified me, I’ve been in a sarcophagus all WEEK, did you do anything fun?”

“Umm.”

I remembered then I was trying to stop using umm. I was coaching myself to be quite fearless and brave when entering sentences. The CEO of a major newspaper-then-media company once said, before filming a segment for an in-house spot on the company’s approach to advertising its newly launched free weekly targeting 23-35 y/o young professionals, ‘I’m not an umm guy.’ This dialogue, delivered to the video director who was reminding the CEO to look straight in the camera and avoid using expressions like “umm” and “uhh” since they communicated unpreparedness, nerves or insecurity, revealed in its choppy severity a set of verbal and body language constraints that likely this man thought of all the time in order to conjure his short and long term goals. Likely he thought of them almost as much as I thought about mysterious headaches. I had been hired to help craft services for the shoot and spent much of the time sitting against a wall print of a famous basketball player, staring at the glass-walled office and elevators meant to enhance, via the perspective of ‘more space’ given by such architecture, a tech-oriented workplace for the media-damaged graduates. See-thru offices offer more natural light, the young people of the era seem to enjoy a certain kind of light. Another two-day job to float me, and an opportunity to rebuild a stomach for being outside of my incredible room. “I stayed in on Saturday,” then I pause before continuing, “I watched a movie. A documentary,” which I had watched for 17 minutes before moving to my window to observe the parking lot for 45 minutes, followed by bed.

Rob seems uncomfortable with this idea, “you should come out with us this weekend. There’s some stuff going on. Maybe you can come to this super fun party, it’s a queer party. In fact it’s a conspiracy theory-themed queer party.” Gail moves her left forefinger a splanch. “It’s really funny! And good music, people dress up, it’s called……….Femmetrails” there is a pause of expectation which I do not know how to meet and which is ignored “it’s really funny and lots of dancing. My friend Blake hosts it. But in drag. And, guess what his drag name is” I try to remember: was it a parking lot I observed, or a man in his early 40s masturbating within a fingerprint-shrouded computer screen “Georgia SORROWS. Gail’s going to come!” Gail has stopped grinning and seems to be unreachable for the length of a square breath before a small shift in her sitting style punctures the proto-gargoyle droop. “Yes I am going to come” she confirms. “Yes and you should too,” it appears Rob is attached to the idea. I clean out my lower mouth with my tongue, with mouth closed. “That would be, maybe” this seems to be enough of an answer for everyone.

Rob sits on the ground, I begin to prepare my body to also sit on the ground. It had been a meat lover’s pizza approach to self-healing. Kava tea from the pharmacy chain, sugar abstinence, performative meditation, I slipped into nonsensical jogging regimens, coffee abstinence, I walked gently in frozen empty parking lots, I didn’t touch anyone for a full year, “my balls are lost halls,” short term CBT and do-it-yourself biofeedback, waiting for hyperventilation so I could write about it, and all this supported by typical means: substantial daily hard alcohol acceptances and fearless ibuprofen stuffings. And to heal oneself completely, one must never enlighten others to the full extent of the problem and the drenched map of half-solutions being applied, regularly, in secret. Yes, I had as much spiritual discipline as a teen in an Intro to Photo class taking b&w photos of homeless people on the street. I sit down at least four feet away from Rob and twelve from Gail, who in the meantime it has been discovered does not know the story of Amanda Bynes’ breakdown. She also does not know who Amanda Bynes is. Neither Rob nor I have any interest in making that clear. The super gonorrheic minutiae that line and then bedazzle the mental process of a terrified person do not enter conversations as smoothly as quotes from 23 year old cult TV shows canceled after two seasons. Not a shock, only a condition that makes the thoughts turn ever more crunched, ever more specific and internally bound, glowing with unpopular culture.

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limejuicer1862 · 5 years

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Wombwell Rainbow Interviews

I am honoured and privileged that the following writers local, national and international have agreed to be interviewed by me. I gave the writers two options: an emailed list of questions or a more fluid interview via messenger.

The usual ground is covered about motivation, daily routines and work ethic, but some surprises too. Some of these poets you may know, others may be new to you. I hope you enjoy the experience as much as I do.

Austin Smith

grew up on a family dairy farm in northwestern Illinois. He received a BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison, an MA from the University of California-Davis, and an MFA from the University of Virginia. Most recently he was a Wallace Stegner Fellow in fiction at Stanford University, where he is currently a Jones Lecturer. He has published three poetry chapbooks: In the Silence of the Migrated Birds; Wheat and Distance; Instructions for How to Put an Old Horse Down; and one full-length collection, Almanac, which was chosen by Paul Muldoon for the Princeton Series of Contemporary Poets. His last collection, Flyover Country, was published by Princeton in Fall 2018. Austin’s poems have appeared in The New Yorker, Poetry Magazine, Yale Review, Sewanee Review, Ploughshares, New England Review, Poetry East, ZYZZYVA, Pleiades, Virginia Quarterly Review, Asheville Poetry Review, and Cortland Review, amongst others. His stories have appeared or will appear in Harper’s, Glimmer Train, Kenyon Review, EPOCH, Sewanee Review, Threepenny Review, Fiction and Narrative Magazine. He was the recipient of the 2015 Narrative Prize for his short story, “The Halverson Brothers,” and an NEA Fellowship in Prose for FY 2018. He is currently a Jones Lecturer at Stanford University, where he teaches courses in poetry, fiction, environmental literature and documentary journalism. He lives in Oakland.

http://www.austinrobertsmith.com/

The Interview

When and why did you begin to write poetry?

I started writing poems quite young because my father is a poet, along with being a dairy farmer. Some nights he would come in from the barn, clean up, and we’d go into town to hear him read poems at the local art museum. Glancing down the page, I see that this answer I’m giving can apply to the second question, as well, in that it was certainly my father who introduced me to poetry, not only through his readings, but through the collections on my parents’ shelves. From a young age I felt a particular pleasure in looking at a poem, even, I think, before really reading them. The shape of the poem on the page, the prevalence of white space, the way the lines broke on the right margin like surf. It appealed to me immediately. I still remember distinctly the first line I wrote: “The fire is burning hot.” I was kneeling in front of the fire (of course). Something had changed: I’d gone from hearing my father read poems to trying to make a poem myself. I must have been twelve or so. I still have the notebook, labelled “Poetrey” (sic), various marks in the corners of the pages, some lost order that I was already putting the poems in. As to why I began to write poetry, that’s more mysterious. Of course, I was following my father (my favorite poem on this score is Heaney’s “Digging”), but at the same time, I was striking out on my own, trying to speak of the same place and the same livelihood in a different way.

2. How aware were and are you of the dominating presence of older poets?

Again. I think I touch on this above, but I can say more. I wouldn’t say that I felt that older poets were dominating presences. The poets who meant the most to me were the poets who meant the most to my father: Gary Snyder, Wendell Berry, W.S. Merwin, Donald Hall, Jane Kenyon, Forrest Gander, etc. Actually, my father and I have met and/or corresponded with many of these poets. I met Snyder when he came to Freeport, IL to give a reading, and visited us on the farm. My Dad and I have both corresponded with Berry, and I’ve corresponded with Merwin. We both know Forrest. The point being, it was clear to me early on that being a poet was about more than writing poems. It was a whole life, a way of being in the world. It had a lot to do with friendship, with the simple pleasures of sharing a meal and some drinks, trying to say something for the earth and our presence upon it. In other words, it struck me that to be a poet was to take up a kind of moral calling. So rather than their presence being dominating, I felt that a kind of gauntlet had been laid down that I better walk if I was going to call myself a poet. Now, whether I’ve actually managed to walk it is another matter, that I can’t speak to.

3. What is your daily writing routine?

Right now my routine is waking up, trying to write, realizing I have to get my shit together and drive an hour to school, and daydreaming about what I would have written had I been able to stay home. I’m teaching a lot at the moment so I’m hardly writing at all. Certainly no poems. An occasional short story. Anyway, when things are calmer I write in the mornings. After noon I’m kind of worthless. Sometimes I’ll work on poems at night: they seem to require less attention than fiction does. What I mean by that is that poems seem to exercise a different part of the brain. I think it’s actually best to be a little tired, a little distracted, when working on a poem. I don’t like to bear down on them too much, or exert too much control, whereas, with fiction, it’s quite a bit different.

4. What motivates you to write?

I don’t really know anymore. Actually, I’m concerned that I’m losing the will to write. I used to write so much that it bordered on obsessive-compulsive behaviour. I have, in a file cabinet at home, approximately 1700 poems. I don’t write like that anymore. I don’t feel the pull to write about everything like I once did. I used to have to write in order to feel that I had experienced something. In some ways I’m happier, not writing all the time, but when one has identified oneself as a writer, to not write is a terrifying thing. These days, what motivates me to write is the thought of sharing the work with a half dozen or so people (my parents, my brothers, several good friends). I’ve pretty much given up on the publishing world, selling a novel, going on book tours, all that bullshit. I’m more or less writing letters to people I love, only they’re in the form of poems and stories.

5. What is your work ethic?

Well, again, it used to be much stronger! I’ll say this, though: I work hard, harder than anyone I’ve ever met. I don’t say that to brag. I’m actually not all that proud of it. It comes, probably, from having grown up on a dairy farm, and watching my dad get up every single morning at 3:30 for thirty years without a single day off. I approach writing that way. I had a pretty woeful time in graduate school because I encountered poets who don’t think of writing in that way, and I judged them, thinking they were lazy, or fake. The truth is, they were just working differently. Anyway, I like that phrase, “work ethic.” It really is an ethics of work. For me, the ethics of work is the ethics of dairy farming. For someone else, the ethics of work may be very different. Who am I to judge them? I just grew up in a particular world that has guided the way I approach my work. And so I am always reading, always writing or trying to write, always bearing down on one page or another, either mine or someone else’s.

6. Who of today’s writers do you admire the most and why?

Haha, hmm. Well, I don’t admire too many. Hardly any fiction, most of it strikes me as absolutely inane bullshit that is only getting published because it might sell books. Only a few poets. Maurice Manning, for how he has blent his work and his life in Kentucky. Joanna Klink, whose poems strike me as truly vital and consequential. Ilya Kaminsky: I trust and admire his patience and his passion. My friend Nate Klug, whose poems are as perfect and precious as diamonds. Yea, that’s about it.

7. What would you say to someone who asked you “How do you become a writer?”

Read. Read until you find writers who make you so envious that you would die to write like them. Then try to write like them. Try to write like so many of them for so long that you eventually write like yourself.

8. Tell me about the writing projects you have on at the moment.

Oh there are so many. I’m like Coleridge in this. I have a thousand ideas and hardly any of them ever come to fruition. I’m experimenting with several different novels, trying to get one to click and carry me forward. One is about the appearance of the Virgin Mary to a community of beleaguered farmers in the midst of the Farm Crisis of the 1980s (but it’s a hoax perpetrated by the mother of the boy who sees her). Another novel is about a young woman who marries into a dairy farming family and, over the course of several decades, tries to get to the bottom of a dark family secret. Another novel is narrated from the perspective of a farmhouse. There’s a linked story collection called BROOD XIII, following generations of a farm family, jumping every seventeen years with the emergence of the Northwestern Illinois brood of periodical cicadas. My third poetry collection will be called ALL THY TRIBE after a line of Keats’s. I’m working on a memoir about growing up on a farm, as well as a collection of essays oriented around specific substances (“Milk,” “Blood,” “Grain,” “Manure,” etc.). And I have a short story collection finished, which the NYC editors called “quiet,” which I’ll probably just self-publish online. Again, I don’t really care that much anymore about publishing, I just want to keep writing and sharing my work with the people in my life who matter most to me.

Wombwell Rainbow Interviews: Austin Smith Wombwell Rainbow Interviews I am honoured and privileged that the following writers local, national and international have agreed to be interviewed by me.

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