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queenlua · 3 years

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Ace Attorney case tier list

so, in the past year, i finished replaying games 1 through 5 for the first time in forever, and also played game 6 for the first time ever

so here’s where i ruthlessly rank each of the cases based on that most scientific metric of all, My Opinions:

OPENING CASES

S-tier: Turnabout Trump (4-1). I already knew this case, and I still gasped with surprise when Phoenix showed up, and when Kristoph showed his true colors, and when Apollo realized OH SHIT OH FUCK I REALLY AM ACCUSING MY BOSS OF MURDER HUH... what a wonderful, splashy, shockingly concise case to open up the post-O.G. trilogy world. Marvelous.

A-tier: Turnabout Memories (3-1). Seeing Mia Fey (finally!) in action is a long-awaited delight; seeing Phoenix being a total dumbass was an unexpected-yet-perfect and fitting delight.

B-tier: The First Turnabout (1-1). Solid lil’ case with some conventional-but-well-executed humor. I’ve got a soft spot for Larry Butz.

C-tier: The Lost Turnabout (2-1), The Foreign Turnabout (6-1). The former’s fine but a little forgettable; the latter has some fun gags (Payne’s ridiculous new outfit, dude absolutely shredding on the mandolin, etc) but is marred by how uh... kinda silly the game’s core conceit is, lol

E-tier: Turnabout Countdown (5-1). The context surrounding this introduction is just sloppy (badly handled in media res + let’s lowkey retcon game 4 isn’t a great setup), and also the case itself is just. irksome. ted tonate is just fundamentally irritating to look at

FINALE CASES

S-tier: Bridge to the Turnabout (3-5), Turnabout Goodbyes (1-4). No explanation needed. God they fuck so hard

A-tier: The Cosmic Turnabout + Turnabout for Tomorrow (5-4 + 5-5), Turnabout Succession (4-4).

The former two cases are what makes AA5 worth it, and they make for a tremendously fun ride. It fumbles the execution in some notable ways (Apollo’s sudden j’accuse moment feels a little forced/awkward/inadequately foreshadowed, and damn it sure would’ve been nice to know Clay Terran at all before he died, and also The Phantom’s final meltdown could’ve used a bit more emotional heft)... but okay let’s be real, I’m here for Simon Blackquill, and this case gives me so much of him so who gives a shit. (And Aura! Condescending obnoxious engineering queen! I love her!)

As for Turnabout Succession... while I earnestly wish the game had explored more of Klavier’s feelings about this whole setup, and some more emotional beats for Apollo, the case still makes for such a satisfyingly twisty and fun investigation overall (the poison stamp! what a ridiculous murder method! I love it!) that it’s a more-than-worthy finale.

B-tier: Turnabout Revolution (6-5), Farewell, My Turnabout (2-4).

The former does some cool stuff—I particularly like the opening half, where Apollo’s being real snippy and coping with Frankly Bizarre Dad Feelings, and giving Apollo a chance to finally throw down against Phoenix is a blast. The latter half of the case starts feeling a little... ridiculous? cramped? idk? like, they didn’t do nearly enough foreshadowing about Nahyuta’s whole deal for me to care about his drama, this justice system is so obviously silly and the manner in which the revolution is playing out strains my already-suspended-sky-high disbelief... fun, and flashy, but more noise than signal in the last part, I guess.

As for Farewell, My Turnabout: of course I love Edgeworth rolling back into court goin’ through SOME kind of bizarre emotional arc of Hey I’m Totally Healed Now and obnoxiously preaching about Truth TM. And it’s cool that the game set up a case where you want to lose. But the net result is a bit strange tonally—it’s trying set up some kind of message about It’s Not Just About Winning, It’s About Pursuing The Truth, but it feels really muddled when that’s combined with Okay But Maya’s Literally Being Held Hostage Like Right Now, Surely A Reasonable Justice System Has A Process For Dealing With This Obviously Complicated Situation, Right?

but also Franziska takes a fucking bullet (how did I forget about that) and then gets to roll in like Ms. Save The Day so, really, lots of good shit here

FILLER CASES

S-tier: Reunion, and Turnabout (2-2), Turnabout Beginnings (3-4). Look, the first one gives me all the Fey family drama a girl could ask for, and the latter gives me young Edgeworth being a total shit in an obnoxiously shimmery outfit. The whole enchilada is here

A+ tier: The Magical Turnabout (6-2). DELIGHTFUL! MAGICIAN! SHENANIGANS! Like you get to guess the trick behind a magic act as part of the case, how fucking fun is that, and also the Apollo & Athena duo’s chemistry is perfect, the villain is a FANTASTIC bastard, and even the bit characters you meet during the investigation are total delights... Probably the best “standalone” case in the series, in that it doesn’t rely on any emotional connections to previous cases (unlike 2-2 and 3-4) to still totally and completely rule.

A tier: Turnabout Samurai (1-3), Turnabout Reclaimed (5-DLC).

For Turnabout Samurai, I remembered before this replay how delightful the TV SHOW STUDIO investigation and actor-fandom stuff was; I had TOTALLY forgotten Vasquez calling in her mob connections to try and wreck you. What a fantastic villain; what a fun case.

Turnabout Reclaimed is just good solid goofy nonsense. Probably receives a boost for me in particular because, yeah, Simon Blackquill. But then again who isn’t giving cases a boost on that account; they are MISSING OUT

B tier: The Stolen Turnabout (3-2). Ron and Desirée are so great sighs into hands

C tier: Listing roughly in order of preference: Turnabout Academy (5-3), Turnabout Serenade (4-3), Turnabout Sisters (1-2), Recipe for a Turnabout (3-3), Rite of the Turnabout (6-3), Rise from the Ashes (1-5).

Four of these (5-3, 4-3, 1-2, 3-3) are perfectly solid cases; I just don’t love them quite as much as “thievery hijinks” or “Hollywood hijinks” or other such particularly delightful flavors. Everyone has a favorite flavor of Jolly Rancher and all that.

Rite of the Turnabout is interesting and connected with the larger themes of the game in a cool way, and makes good use of the divination mechanic. However, the last bit gets twisty enough to actually be kind of confusing, and said larger themes of the game are... kinda hard for me to take seriously... which, yeah, leads to it feeling a little stilted when it really should be singing.

Rise from the Ashes landed awkwardly for me. I know it was added well after the first game’s release, and it does a good job of continuing some of the cool stuff from that game—it’s neat, in isolation, to see Phoenix and Edgeworth working together (while still sniping at each other!), and some of the DS-specific mechanics are neat. However, I just didn’t feel like I learned quite enough about Ema and Lana to care about them like I should, and retconning “(almost certainly true) rumors that Edgeworth was involved in Shady Shit TM” into “actually Edgeworth was totally ignorant of Shady Shit TM, like at worst his crime was willful ignorance / incuriosity, he was just been manipulated by the Police Chief”... makes Edgeworth less interesting to me! Like, it’s cool to see Edgeworth caught off-guard and under pressure, but I wish the circumstances had been different? Also Gant’s theme song is annoying as shit, which is petty but hey this is my blog post so

D tier: Turnabout Storyteller (6-4), Turnabout Corner (4-2), Turnabout Big Top (2-3), The Monstrous Turnabout (5-2).

Turnabout Storyteller has some fun gags with My Dude Simon and also Taka, but was heavily marred by Everyone Talking Down To Athena The Entire Fucking Case Oh My God Can You All Just Shut Up.

Turnabout Corner has... lots of fun elements but... look the fucking stolen-panties setup just grates ok

I don’t think I hate Turnabout Big Top the way most people seem to, but I did find the final murder setup more annoying that I remembered this playthrough—bro you were really sure the dude was going to conveniently stand right there and the heavy statue was definitely going to strike a killing blow and not just give the guy a concussion? ok lol

The Monstrous Turnabout suffers mostly from poor puzzle/investigation design, being too hand-hold-y, and also having a core gimmick/setting that just wasn’t really my thing. Alas!

#ace attorney #obviously these are just opinions. love what u love #but this was entertaining to type up lol

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pinktwingirl · 3 years

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Loki Series Rewrite (AKA Loki Series But With Squirrel Girl): Ep 2

EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREETS - DAY

Doreen Green and her roommate, Nancy Whitehead, are walking down the street and chatting.

NANCY

Did Bucky like those walnut brownies you made him?

DOREEN

Oh, he loved them! I figured it was a decent consolation gift after the government gave the shield to that idiot John Walker guy.

NANCY

Ugh, that was so stupid. At least Sam got it back in the end.

DOREEN

Yeah... It just sucks that whole thing happened in the first place.

As they walk, an old couple suddenly stops their own conversation to stare at them, giving Doreen an odd, suspicious look. Doreen and Nancy glance at each other in confusion and, after a moment, start cracking up.

NANCY

What was that all about?

DOREEN

Do I have something on my face?

NANCY

No! That was so weird!

They enter their apartment building and start walking upstairs. On the stairway, they pass by a college boy and girl who stop their conversation when they see them and start quietly laughing.

COLLEGE BOY

Hey, Doreen!

As Doreen and Nancy turn to him, he snaps a photo of Doreen with his phone. He and the girl begin snickering.

NANCY

Okay, what did you just do that for?

The boy and girl continue to laugh.

NANCY

Okay, you need to delete that photo right now.

DOREEN

Nancy, it's fine.

NANCY

No, it's not fine! It's an invasion of privacy!

(She turns back to the boy and girl.)

What, are you gonna post that on social media or something?

COLLEGE GIRL

Have you, like, seen the news at all lately?

Doreen and Nancy freeze and glance at each other as Doreen's eyes widen in horror.

NANCY

Doreen, wait-

Before she can finish, Doreen rushes up the stairs.

COLLEGE BOY

(Snickering)

Hey, so, is your apartment, like, filled with squirrels or something?

NANCY

Shut the hell up.

She rushes after Doreen and enters their apartment. Nancy's cat, Mewnir, greets her at the door with a meow. Nancy leans down to give her a quick pet as she glances at the living room, where Doreen is watching TV. CHRISTINE EVERHART is talking with another newscaster as the headline "'SQUIRREL GIRL' VIGILANTE IDENTIFIED AS COLLEGE STUDENT DOREEN GREEN" blares onscreen.

EVERHART

You know, I gotta say, Phil, I've seen a lot of gimmicks from these so-called "superheroes," but being half-squirrel has gotta be the most embarrassing superpower ever.

She and the other newscaster laugh.

NEWSCASTER

Oh, no arguments there, Christine. I mean, come on, this is just getting ridiculous! We're expected to just sit around and entrust our safety to, what, some freak who's gonna pelt us to death with acorns?

EVERHART

Oh, I know it. You know, these vigilantes need to be locked up as soon as possible...

With a grim look on her face, Nancy folds her arms and slowly walks further into the living room. We get a close-up of Doreen's face as she covers her mouth in horror.

INT. RAVONNA'S OFFICE - DAY

Ravonna and Mobius are discussing Loki and the case at hand.

RAVONNA

Trusting this Loki variant is not a good idea! He's an evil, lying scourge. That's the role he plays on the sacred timeline. I mean, just look at all this crap we found hidden in his pockets when we apprehended him!

She opens a drawer filled with daggers and knives. Mobius takes a quick glance at it and starts to look away, but freezes when he notices the locket Doreen gave to Loki among the confiscated items. It is flashing every few seconds.

RAVONNA

The timekeepers are monitoring every aspect of this case. We need to be vigilant...

As she continues to talk, she starts to pace around the room. Mobius quietly turns his back to the drawer and extends his hand to slip the locket into his pocket. They finish their conversation and Mobius starts to head out.

RAVONNA

Mobius.

Mobius pauses.

RAVONNA

You really believe in this Loki variant?

MOBIUS

Luckily, he believes in himself enough for the both of us. And hey, if it doesn't work, I'll delete him myself!

(He opens the door.)

He's really arrogant...

He heads out of the office and opens the locket, which projects of holographic image of Doreen's location: NEW YORK, 1975, with the message: I NEED HELP

Mobius sighs.

INT. TVA OFFICE - DAY

Loki is at his desk, mindlessly thumbing through files, when Mobius enters, holding the locket.

MOBIUS

(Under his breath)

I can't believe I'm doing this...

He drops the locket in front of Loki, who immediately picks it up and examines the holographic message.

MOBIUS

You get 2 hours max. You find her, see what she needs, come right back. You try anything, and I delete you on the spot. Are we clear?

(Beat)

LOKI

Crystal.

EXT. NEW YORK CITY, 1975 - NIGHT

Loki walks around the city streets, wearing a long green coat and a black suit. He follows the holographic map on the locket until he comes across a movie theater with a giant banner for the movie "Jaws" plastered on it. Confused, Loki frowns.

INT. MOVIE THEATER - NIGHT

Loki walks into a theater where "Jaws" is playing. He makes his way to the front of the theater until he is standing in front of the screen, with bits of the movie flashing on his face as he scans the audience. He freezes when he sees Doreen sitting in the back of the theater. She rises when he meets her eyes. The light from the projector glows above her head, illuminating her in a white haze as they glance at each other. Suddenly, Loki is pelted with popcorn.

AUDIENCE MEMBER (O.S.)

Hey, pal, quit blocking the screen!

We cut to Loki sitting with Doreen at the back of the theater. They speak in low, hushed voices.

LOKI

I heard about what happened on Midga- um... Earth. Are you alright?

(Beat)

DOREEN

Not really. I kind of just needed to get away from... everything.

LOKI

Is that why you came here?

DOREEN

Well, my parents always told me stories about growing up in the 70s, so I figured I'd come see it for myself. Plus, I've always wanted to see this movie in a real theater.

Confused, Loki glances at the screen, then turns back to Doreen.

LOKI

Why-

DOREEN

Shh, shh, shh! This is the good part!

The scene where the shark first pops out of the water on Quint's boat plays, and the audience collectively jumps.

DOREEN

Ooh! That scene gives me chills every time!

LOKI

You mortals are frightened by the strangest things...

Doreen scowls at him.

DOREEN

Wh-Like you weren't scared!

LOKI

I wasn't.

DOREEN

Really?

LOKI

Yes. Norns, you're all so strange. I'm almost starting to feel glad I didn't take over this planet.

Doreen playfully whacks his arm.

DOREEN

(Laughing)

You are such a dick...

Loki grins.

EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREETS - NIGHT

Doreen and Loki are walking and chatting.

DOREEN

Wait, wait, wait, hold up! We risked our lives for those stones and you're telling me these assholes are just sitting around using them as paperweights?!

LOKI

(Sarcastically)

Well, you see, it wasn't the place of the timekeepers to interfere with the sacred timeline-

DOREEN

Oh, bullshit! I swear, when we get back to this... Time Variance... whatever, I'm gonna give them a piece of my mind!

Loki freezes.

LOKI

And what makes you think you're coming back to the TVA?

DOREEN

Why not? Somebody's gotta vouch for you in that place!

LOKI

I suppose... I'm hardly the most popular recruit there. Nearly all of my ideas are laughed at.

Doreen’s pet squirrel, Tippy-Toe jumps on his shoulder and squeaks at him. He conjures up an acorn and gives it to the squirrel, who happily munches on it.

DOREEN

Like they don't take you seriously. Trust me, I know how that feels...

Loki gives her a sad look.

(Beat)

LOKI

So, were you always planning on keeping your identity hidden?

DOREEN

No... I mean, I don't like having to hide who I am. It's only made my life so much harder. I mean, I've never even been swimming because a bathing suit wouldn't hide my tail! I just... If my identity was ever going to be revealed, I wanted it to be on my terms. When I was ready. Not... not like this.

After a pause, Loki’s gaze grows cold.

LOKI

Do you know who did it? Who leaked your identity?

DOREEN

He’s already dead, Loki.

LOKI

Well, I never said I was going to do anything...

DOREEN

Loki, I’ve fought you before. I know what your murder face looks like.

(Beat)

I mean, it doesn't matter anyways. What's done is done, so...

LOKI

Speaking of hiding your identity...

He shifts into LADY LOKI.

DOREEN

You know this is before the attack on New York, right? No one's going to recognize you.

Lady Loki shrugs.

LADY LOKI

Well, you can never be too sure of these things.

DOREEN

So, do you only become a woman when you're trying to disguise yourself?

Lady Loki hesitates.

LADY LOKI

Well... no, not necessarily. It's... complicated. I tried explaining it to Thor once, but he didn't understand. He thought it was merely a trick because I'm a shape-shifter, but it's more than that. I consider myself to be both genders simultaneously. Shape-shifting just helps me... express it better, I suppose.

After pausing for a moment, she shifts back into her male form.

LOKI

There are times when I feel more male than female...

He shifts back into Lady Loki.

LADY LOKI

Or more female than male...

She shifts back into her male form.

LOKI

And sometimes, I'm... not quite sure what I am.

(He pauses and gives a nervous laugh.)

I'm sure this must seem... strange to you.

Doreen shakes her head.

DOREEN

No, I get it. You don't feel like you fit into one box. Like labels don't apply to you.

(Beat)

LOKI

Precisely...

He takes out his tem-pad and opens up a portal to the TVA.

LOKI

You know, I don't think the agents at the TVA will be very thrilled to see you there.

DOREEN

Pssh, I can handle 'em.

They walk through the portal.

INT. TVA - DAY

When Loki and Doreen enter the TVA, they are immediately greeted by agents pointing prune sticks at them. Loki and Doreen exchange a look and put their hands up. Hunter B-15 glares at Loki.

HUNTER B-15

Where the hell have you been?

(She turns to Doreen)

And who are you? What do you think you're doing here?

DOREEN

Um, okay, hi, my name's Doreen-

Mobius rushes in.

MOBIUS

Stand down, this is on me. I let Loki leave for a little while.

HUNTER B-15

You what?

Mobius glares at Loki.

MOBIUS

I didn't say you could bring guests.

LOKI

There was a slight change of plans.

MOBIUS

You are treading on thin ice here, pal...

Ravonna enters.

RAVONNA

Mobius, this girl is from the main timeline. What is she doing here?

Hunter B-15 begins flipping through some files as they talk.

MOBIUS

She was in trouble, so I figured I'd just let him leave for a little while to help. Call me soft or whatever, but everything's fine.

RAVONNA

Everything's not fine! This totally violates protocol!

MOBIUS

I have the whole thing under control!

RAVONNA

Who is she?!

DOREEN

Um, ok, I'm-

HUNTER B-15

Her name's Doreen Green, alias "Squirrel Girl." It says here she's a mutant from Earth. She's an Avenger, and... this can't be right... Loki's... friend?

RAVONNA

He has friends?

Loki rolls his eyes.

LOKI

Oh. Thank you. Very nice.

Ravonna turns to Doreen.

RAVONNA

We're gonna have to take you in for questioning-

DOREEN

Um, yeah, actually, no. I have a couple gazillion questions for you. Like, who do you think you all are, up here all high and mighty sitting around with all your infinity stones while the rest of us were suffering for five freaking years???

RAVONNA

We are an organization that is beyond worldly matters, Ms. Green.

DOREEN

Oh, really? And what were you all doing that was so important while the rest of us were busy saving the universe?

RAVONNA

Monitoring and protecting the proper flow of time, without which the universe would collapse into utter chaos and render all living beings across all branches of life vulnerable to complete annihilation.

Doreen blinks for a moment.

DOREEN

Okay, fair, but...

(She jabs a finger at Mobius)

You have no right to make Loki stay here! Keeping yourself alive isn't a crime!

RAVONNA

It is if it goes against the decree of the timekeepers.

DOREEN

The "decree" of the what?

MOBIUS

If Loki helps us catch this variant, he can go home. Otherwise, we delete him from reality.

DOREEN

Uh, yeah, last time I checked, that was called blackmail. What kinda sick place is this? I'm not gonna let you get away with this!

MOBIUS

You're not a variant, Ms. Green. You don't belong here.

DOREEN

Yeah, well, neither does Loki! So either we both stay, or neither of us do.

RAVONNA

Spare me the false altruism, Ms. Green. I'm aware of your little predicament on Earth, but the TVA is not a place for people to hide from their problems.

DOREEN

I'm not hiding from anything! I just need time to-

RAVONNA

"Time" is not a commodity that is freely given.

DOREEN

Okay, well then, I'll earn it! You guys said you're hunting for a variant, right? I can help! I'm a good coder; I can take on any software jobs you might need! Just let me stay here so I can help Loki and I don't have to be a freak back on Earth for a little while.

MOBIUS

(to Ravonna)

We could use an extra hand...

Ravonna groans.

(Beat)

RAVONNA

Fine. But once we're done, she goes straight home.

LOKI

If you hurt her...

RAVONNA

Relax, Mr. Odinson, we have no intention of hurting your friend.

(She turns to Mobius.)

If anything goes wrong, it's on you.

She exits.

INT. TVA OFFICE - DAY

Loki finds Doreen typing at a computer.

DOREEN

You know, for an all-knowing, futuristic organization, these guys sure do use a lot of old-timey computers.

LOKI

So, have you caught up on the TVA's "grand" history?

DOREEN

Sorta... Can't say I'm comfortable with it, though. I mean, all these people just believe they were created by these three space gods that they've never even met, and they go around eliminating timelines without even questioning why? You know what that sounds like to me?

LOKI

What?

DOREEN

A cult.

Loki chuckles.

LOKI

You've no idea how refreshing it is to hear someone speak with a little common sense.

DOREEN

I'm being serious, Loki. I mean, I'll help find this "other you" if it'll get you off the hook, but this is fishy. I don't like it.

LOKI

I know. I don't like it either. But hopefully, it won't be our problem for much longer. We're about to launch another task force team to catch the variant. They want us both at the briefing.

INT. TVA - DAY

Loki and Doreen walk to where other agents and Hunter B-15 have assembled. Mobius approaches them and shakes Doreen's hand.

MOBIUS

I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Agent Mobius M. Mobius.

Doreen grins.

DOREEN

Does the "M" also stand for Mobius? Ooh, hey, can I call you "Moby?"

Mobius gives her an irritated look.

MOBIUS

Aaaand I'm already starting to regret letting you stay.

He walks off to the other agents.

DOREEN

(whispering to Loki)

He didn't say "no"...

We cut to Mobius explaining the mission to the team.

MOBIUS

Okay, we've been after this guy for a while, but now we've got a lead. The criminal we're after is a variant of this guy.

He points to Loki. Doreen grins.

DOREEN

Huh. That really takes "being your own worst enemy" to a whole new level, doesn't it?

Everyone turns and gives her an irritated look. She responds with awkward finger guns.

HUNTER B-15

We've gathered enough temporal aura to know that it's our Loki variant. But what kind of Loki variant remains unknown.

LOKI

The lesser kind, to be clear.

Doreen playfully pats him on the back as she types on a tem-pad.

DOREEN

Yes, yes, we know...

MOBIUS

Here's the deal: When we get out on the branch, we're not just looking for a time criminal, we're looking for a Loki.

(He projects different images of Loki variants.)

The type we should all be very familiar with, because the TVA has pruned a lot of these guys. Almost more than any other variant. And no two are alike. Slight differences in appearances, or not so slight....

Doreen snickers when he projects the Hulk Loki variant. Loki scowls at her.

DOREEN

Sorry...

HUNTER B-15

Every time there's an attack, the variant steals a reset charge. He's planning something. We just don't know what. So keep an eye out for the missing charges. And if you see a Loki, prune it.

LOKI

The bad Loki, preferably.

The agents head out to Haven Hills, Alabama.

So, yeah, I imagined Lady Loki would look like Sylvie, but with dark hair. Also, I am cishet, so I hope I handled Loki’s genderfluidity ok!

@drawntothedarkside

#loki #loki series #loki series rewrite #loki series rewrite project #squirrel girl #loki series but with squirrel girl #doreen green #tippy toe #mobius m mobius #hunter b 15 #ravonna renslayer #marvel #mcu #mcu fanfiction #disney plus #tva #nancy whitehead #mewnir

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blackenedwhite97 · 4 years

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Storge (Familial Love)Pt.1- EraserMic x Student!Reader

This post includes: Mentions of loss of family, cursing, mentions of fiscal problems, mild violence and injury, a prominent homosexual relationship, and mentions and depictions of anxiety.

Original Request:

“Imagine living all by yourself. You’re a teenager that lost their parents years ago and refused to become a part of the foster system. So now you work and take care of your own apartment all while going to school at U.A. It was starting to take a real toll on you when Mr. Aizawa and Mr. Yamada approached you, like concerned parents. It could be written as platonic or romantic. (Not with the reader, I'm talking about Mic and Eraser)”

Authors Note:

As per usual I over wrote! This will be divided into two chapters. I went off on a bit of a tangent with this one but to be fair i wrote the first half over two months ago and the second half this week.

Word Count: 3.5k

(-15 degrees Celsius is 5 degrees Fahrenheit for my American bbs)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 1

It was bitterly cold out, the kind of cold that clung to your skin and left raw red noses and cheeks behind. It was a short walk from your apartment to the grocery store, it was all up hill and tonight, it was against the wind. The cold weather had come in fast; you’d lost your winter jacket last spring in a fire that took out half of your building. Annoyingly, it seemed that villains usually acted up in poorer neighborhoods, it was always the low-income apartment complexes that fell casualty to attacks. There was less of a hero presence, and while you had your provisional hero license you still weren’t allowed to patrol your neighborhood alone at night.

You hugged yourself against the biting wind, jewels of frozen rain whipping against your face. The dull golden glow of the grocery store doors was a blur through the tears forming in your eyes but none the less grew closer. The smell of sample soups and baking bread pierced through the onslaught of cold, a small pocket of warmth melting the air surrounding the doors. Two orange glowing heating lamps hummed on either side of the door, the awning keeping the rain from snuffing the lamps out.

The store was near deserted, not a surprise considering it was ten o’clock at night. In your general experience there were three types of people who shopped this late at night, shift workers, insomniacs and hungry stoners. You scurried off towards the baskets and faced the wall pulling the wad of bills out of your pocket, counting carefully. A lot of the first years at U.A. were in need of a tutor and you were in need of some cash, they passed their classes and their parents paid pretty well and as long as the session were between school hours and your serving job you could afford some actual produce every once and a while. You shoved the bills back in your pocket, there should be enough for the basics and something green.

You grabbed a basket and began your wander through the aisles, you knew what you were going to grab but it still felt nice to pretend you had options. You were rounding the corner to an aisle when a can pyramid of wet cat food collapsed into your legs, you stumbled back grabbing onto to a shelf of pickled herring to keep from toppling over.

“Fuck, sorry!” a familiar voice shouted. The ground tremored and a jar of herring shattered sloshing liquid down your arm. You looked up to see your English teacher, Mr.Yamada, one hand slapped over his mouth the other gripping a can of cat food.

“Fuck!” he cursed into his hand.

“I-it’s okay!” you laughed shaking the herring juice off your hand. Seeing your teacher in the wild felt weird on its own let alone seeing them demolish a cat food pyramid in a messy bun and exploding jars of herring. You couldn’t help but laugh, like really laugh. You dropped your basket and held your knees as you laughed. He joined in, the embarrassed blush draining from his face. The two of you laughed until a rather flustered older lady in a branded apron scurried down the aisle with a mop.

Mr. Yamada apologised profusely and promised to pay for the broken merchandise. The woman, however, lit up when she saw him and assured him that it wasn’t necessary. She must have been a listener of his radio show because eventually Mr. Yamada was signing the back of some crumpled receipt paper and she was smiling to herself as she walked back to the cash registers at the front of the store.

“Sh-should we clean up the mess for her then?” you asked looking at the abandoned mop.

“No, I should be cleaning up. You should be getting back to your parents, they’re probably wondering where you’ve been.” Mr. Yamada said scratching the back of his head and staring down at the felled cat food pyramid.

“Oh, uh-” you stuttered, it had been a while since someone in your life hadn’t known. It felt weird explaining your situation, you had gotten used to being on your own by now and the looks you got when you did were hard to bear. The looks that you used to read as sympathy had begun to wear on you as pity and with every new person that knew, there was one more person afraid to retraumatize you by bringing up anything family related.

“No, I’m all on my own, have been for a couple of years.” You sighed and sucked it up. He was a teacher, what was he going to go do? Teach you nicer? You knelt down next to the pile of cans and began a poor excuse of pyramid construction. “I-I can help!”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Mr. Yamada said, a dark look crossing his face ever so briefly. He quickly replaced his grimace with a somewhat theatrical smile. “Thank-you!”

He joined you on the floor stacking cans, but clearly missing the point of pyramid stacking. “You were late for class this morning, everything okay?”

You blinked and kept your eyes trained on the cans. You had been honest so far, might as well keep going. “Yeah, sorry. I got off work late last night and was just so tired I slept through my alarms. It won’t happen again.”

“Nah, that’s okay. It happens to the best of us.” He waved a hand over his head and smiled warmly. Eventually he gave up on helping the forming of the pyramid and decided instead to just hand you the cans that had fallen out of arms reach. You thought about telling him you could reach them with your quirk but couldn’t bring yourself to endure having him go back to stacking.

“You know, if the whole hero thing doesn’t work out you could be a professional cat food pyramid stacker.” he laughed as he admired your somewhat lopsided spire of cat food cans.

“Glad to know my homeroom teacher believes in me.” You grumbled melodramatically.

“It could be a fun double gimmick!” he exclaimed waving his hands about. “Like how I’m a radio host and hero, you could, ya know-”

“Stack cat food cans and be a hero?” you entertained the ridiculous thought.

“Yeah, I see big things coming from it. Lifetime supplies of cat food, billboards of you swarmed in cats…” Mr. Yamada continued listing possibilities varying in absurdity.

You looked down at the puddle of pickling solution and glass and sighed, toeing a large piece of glass with your shoe. You grabbed a box of cereal you had been planning to buy and ripped open the top taking out the bag of cereal and putting in back in your basket. Then you placed your hand on the bottom of the box and turned it upside-down so the opening was facing the floor and focused on pulling the glass up into the palm of your hand. Like a vacuum the shards of glass were sucked up into the box and you flipped it over before releasing your gravitational pull.

“Smart.” Mr. Yamada grinned and grabbed the mop to finish the job. “We better get the glass and mop back to her.”

You grabbed your things and walked to the front of the store with Mr. Yamada, he with the dripping mop and you with your jingling box of glass. When the cashier from earlier caught sight of you two she turned bright red and apologized for leaving you to clean up the mess. Mr. Yamada assured her that it was his fault in the first place and he should have anyways. You nodded along when she spared you a glance between lovestruck gazes at your teacher.

A young man in the same branded green apron, noticing his coworkers lack of productivity, opened the next till and waved you through. By the time you were done with you whole grocery order for the week Mr. Yamada was also stepping away from his till with his two cans of cat food and a receipt inked with a red heart. Mr. Yamada paused at the door to zip up his coat and put on his gloves.

You did the same and zipped up your layers of hoodies and tugged your beanie over your ears, bracing for the frigid walk home. “Where’s your coat?”

“Oh, I don’t- I need a new one. I’m a ten-minute walk away, I’ll be oaky.” You said stuffing your hands into your pockets. It had been a while since anyone had chastised you about dressing appropriately, you felt a little bit of warmth fill your chest.

“It’s freezing raining out, fine my ass!” Mr. Yamada exclaimed, exasperated. The tower of pop cases next to him swayed. He winced and continued quieter. “I’ll give you a ride.”

“Thanks, but I should be okay wa-”

“It’s fifteen below and raining ice, you’re not walking.” He said. Something told you that it was settled, there was no arguing. It’s not that you didn’t appreciate the generosity, it would be nice not to have to thaw yourself out when you got home, but he’d have to see where you lived and that left a pit of embarrassment forming in your stomach.

“Thank-you.” You said quietly. He nodded and clicked a button on his car keys, a black car down the block humming to life under the heavy hail. The two of you stood under the heat lamps in a silence you were sure felt more awkward for you than from him.

“So,” you tried. “what’s your cats name?”

He smiled and looked at the food. “She’s Mr.Aizawa’s cat really, her name is Sushi and she’s a dramatic little snob who only eats fancy wet food.”

“But is she cute?”

“Adorable.” He beamed. “Okay, let’s make a dash for it.”

The two of you took off through the hail and practically jumped into his car, which felt like an oven on your chilled limbs. The car itself was nearly immaculate aside from a neatly folded up leather jacket laying across the back seat and the light dusting of white cat fur clinging to the cloth seats.

“Okay, which way am I taking off?” Mr. Yamada asked throwing the cans of cat food int eh back seat.

“Just straight down the hill until you hit tenth street, then take a right.” He nodded a pulled out into the slick road. The low murmur of the radio and hum of the engine kept the silence at bay, it had been a while since you’d been in a car you realized. You’d spent most of your commute time walking or on a bus, neither of which were particularly warm nor comfortable.

“So, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but who do you live with?” Mr. Yamada asked after a long moment of quiet.

“No one, just me and my sad wilted ivy named Sho.” You looked at him through the corner of your eye, he kept his eyes on the road a sad smile pulling at the corners of his lips. “I was already fifteen when my parents died, and I had no interest in being part of someone else’s family. So, I’m all on my own. Provided that I can prove I can take care of myself and show up once a month to a meeting with my case worker until I turn eighteen.”

The smile slipped and he slowed to a stop at a red-light, the light painting his weary features crimson. “Why don’t you have a jacket?”

You chuckled to yourself, most people weren’t so brazen with their questions. “Last spring the apartment complex I lived in caught fire during a villain hero show down and half of my apartment got torched, my coat along with it.”

“Fuck.” He cursed under his breath, gripping the steering wheel tighter. “Sorry, I shouldn’t be swearing so much around you. I-I’m just…fuck.”

The light turned green and he turned the corner. “Turn into the third complex down the road.”

“You’re case worker, are they the one signing all your permission slips?” Mr. Yamada’s eyes were still trained on the road.

“Yeah, Mr. Nezu arranged it. Is that a problem?” You felt your stomach drop, you couldn’t afford to miss any training.

“No, no. I just-” he sighed and pulled off to the side of the road. The two of you sat there in the storm, the radio rumbling about power outages and low temperatures, and the hail beating down on the roof of the car. “I’ve been your homeroom teacher for two years and I didn’t know about any of this.”

“I asked Nezu to keep it to himself, I didn’t really want people to know. Everything was so new and upside down in my life that I didn’t want everyone watching me go through it, you know?” You tried to explain, fiddling with the handle of one of your bags in your hands.

Mr. Yamada stared out at the road for a moment, drumming on his steering wheel before blinking back into himself. He turned to look at you for the first time since you’d gotten in the car. “Yeah, I get that. Y/n, I am your homeroom teacher and you know you can come to me if you need help with anything, right?”

For the second time that night he made your chest bloom with warmth. It had been so long since anyone had fussed over you that didn’t know what to do with yourself. You kept picking at the bag handle in your hands. You nodded shyly, looking down at your hands willing the warm tears forming in your eyes away. The car was thick with a heavy quiet, it felt like a blanket curling around you. The car began to move again, and Mr.Yamada pulled up in front of the door to your building.

“Okay, well have a good weekend?” he asked as he unlocked the doors.

“You too!” I nodded and gathered my bags. “Thanks, for the ride Mr.Yamada.”

You open the door and got out of the car; the ice hailed down around you as you ran towards the door.

* * *

The storm had left the world covered in frost and had kept most people from venturing out the next day. For a Saturday in a busy city like Musutafu everything was quiet, so quiet that your manager told you to leave early for the night. It wasn’t as cold as the previous night, thankfully the wind had died down in the morning and the sky remained clear all day. With the streets so empty it felt eerie like something had been lost with the coming of the storm. You hugged your layers of hoodies closer to your body and trudged on through the snow filled streets.

You had tutoring sessions tomorrow afternoon which usually meant a free lunch or snack courtesy of your “student’s” parents. That thought got you through the night as you curled up under your bed sheets still wearing a hoodie to bed, having gone to bed with a nothing but a cup of noodles and cheap coffee in you.

* * *

You had made it through the weekend, mercifully all three tutoring sessions had supplied some kind of snack or drink, one even a full lunch. It was a good day indeed, exam season meant longer sessions which turned out to mean more food and more money.

The world still felt muted under that layer of snow that persisted through the weekend. Shops were slower to open, and chimney smoke greyed out the already pale sky. On Sunday night it snowed again, this time light fluffy flakes that made the city look pretty under the setting sun as you walked to work.

When Monday rolled around it was felt like everyone was rolling out of bed from a long nap, fresh faced with sleep still in their eyes. The streets and sidewalks were slicked with ice and made your walk to school a hazard. You fell a few times, bruises forming on your knees and hip as you made it through the gates of U.A.

You shoved your hoodies and beanie into your locker with raw red fingers and tried to warm up your pink nose in your palm before entering the classroom.

“Good morning, Y/n.” Mr. Yamada greeted as he passed behind you. “How was your weekend?”

“Good, thanks!” you let go of your nose and started to fumble with your books. “I worked pretty much all weekend, but it kept me busy and out of the cold.”

“Glad to hear it.” He looked at you for a moment, something unsaid behind his eyes. But then it fell away and he was back to himself.

“You’ll still be on time if you beat me to the door.” He started to walk in dramatic slow-motion, miming fake panic as you shut your locker and walked past him and crossed the threshold.

“Man, can’t believe I lost that race.” He grumbled as he followed you in, a goofy grin on his face. “GOOD MORNING!”

The room shook with his voice and the day started as it normally does, with Mr. Yamada rattling off announcements periodically using his quirk to make sure the students were all awake. The day continued, your next period a practical class co-taught with Mr. Aizawa and All Might. It was a routine rescue drill using the snow to their advantage and making a blizzard obstacle course. You’re team completed your run, faster than usual. You were glowing with pride, high fiving your classmates when Mr. Aizawa waved you over to him. Your celebration was cut short, he was a tough teacher and rarely offered any sort of instruction if it wasn’t constructive criticism.

“Mr. Aizawa?” you asked.

“Y/n,” he looked forward, hands in his pockets. “I’d like to see you in my room at lunch today. I have something I want to discuss with you.”

“Something you can’t talk about here?” You were in shit, you knew it.

He looked at you and you must have looked scared because his eyes softened. “Don’t worry, it’s not a bad thing.”

“Oh, okay.” You still felt uneasy about whatever it was he need to talk to you about but at least he wasn’t going to ring your neck for something you didn’t even know you did. “I’ll see you then.”

He nodded and looked forward again.

“Good job on the course.” He murmured quietly as you walked back to your team.

***

Lunch hour came and as promised you made your way to Mr. Aizawa’s classroom, 1-A, while your friends all left for the cafeteria.

Inside, Mr. Aizawa slouched deeply in his chair snoring and Mr. Yamada was perched on the edge of his desk reading a paper with one hand and drinking a coffee with another. Mr. Yamada looked up and nearly jumped off the desk clamouring to his feet, waking Mr. Aizawa. Despite the fact that everyone knew they were together you had never really been able to picture them as a couple until now. They both stammered out greetings and swayed awkwardly, steeling themselves for something.

“You wanted to see me?” you asked, their apparent nervousness somewhat calming yours.

“Oh, yeah!” Mr. Yamada shouted in excitement. “I have- a thing!”

He turned to Mr. Aizawa who was already picking up a shopping bag from beside his desk. Mr. Yamada waved you closer and took the bag from Mr. Aizawa, thrusting it out towards you. “I-I didn’t want to singe you out in class, so I asked Sho- Mr. Aizawa to ask you here. Um, anyways I don’t know if it’ll fit, if it’s doesn’t I can get a bigger one. Or if you don’t like it we can maybe go looking for one you like better…”

You took the bag from his hands a lump forming in your throat as you peered inside. You saw a furry hood and black quilted nylon all bundled up and you felt tears fill your eyes. You only vaguely registered Mr. Yamada’s rambling as you reached in and pulled the jacket out to look at it. It was a simple black parka with a grey faux fur hood. The tears openly spilled down your face and you looked up at the pair who were silently watching you with grins plastered on their faces.

You didn’t know what to say, so you just looked at them with tears running down your face for what felt like minutes. When you final managed to get words out all you could muster was a “Th-thank you.”

“Mr. Aizawa picked it out, if you don’t like it.” Mr. Yamada replied awardly.

“I-I like it. I love it. Thank-you, guys.” You sniffed.

“Oh, well in that case I picked it out.” He amended, earning an elbow to the ribs from Mr. Aizawa.

Read Chapter 2 of Storge here!

#mha #mha x reader #bnha #bnhaxreader #myhero #my hero academia #readerinsert #readerinsertbnha #readerxerasermic #readerxaizawa #readerxpresentmic #my hero academia fanfiction

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checkers-dance · 3 years

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hello my beloathed tumblr mutual. i come with a fic rec. i know you arent into astro but this one was WAY too good to keep it to myself. its been a while since a story has entertained me this much, im truly so invested and i cant wait for the author to update, they've been going at it since 2019 which is impressive, especially since it started as just a one shot.

anyway, its an ao3 series called "garlic and blood (and a bit of love)" by vonseal. its one of the most entertaining fics ive read in a while. the entire premise is very chaotic and honestly thats just what i would describe the fic as. PURE chaos.

to sum it up, its about moonbin as a vampire with a garlic addiction, who becomes infatuated with myungjun, a vampire hunter. the fic has some scenes of genuine emotion there (a lot of them, actually) but its mixed with some truly ridiculous situations. its just... i cant even describe it, there are some scenes in this that are just SO weird and the fic gets progressively more chaotic as it goes on. but its also really romantic. BUT its also horny. and its also really funny. there is SO much going on at once and im just. so entertained by all of these messy individuals and their ridiculous lives. its a TRIP, thats all i can describe it as.

(one of my favorite characters has got to be [REDACTED]. i shouldnt find his blatant disdain of gay people as amusing as i do, but it is what it is. homophobia wins.)

JDJSKDKSKDOSDJ A VAMPIRE W A GARLIC ADDICTION 👀👀 . That reminds me of that tumblr post abt italian vampires having to eat garlic bc of their moms except in this case it's completely voluntary

Anyway I started reading the first fic in this installment and I didn't realize until just now how much I've missed reading crackfics. This isn't technically a crackfic but it reminds me of one. I love the sense of humor of the author, the subtle nods to the audience (like when moonbin is looking in the mirror at the beginning and inner monologuing and the author as well as the reader know how full of himself he is, to a point where it's outright comedic, while for moonbin this is just how he always is so it's nothing unusual)

Fjskdkwkdks also I love how moonbin was trying to convince mj that they should fuck. He was so desperate for that garlic blood 😔 . AND THEN MJ'S RESPONSE, "as if I would ever fuck a man" only to come to the room later and for moonbin to notice that he's actually quite experienced - overall there is so much irony, I love it (prime example being how moonbin wasn't thinking abt eating mr turner bc they were on "good terms" but then sucked his blood bc he was pissed off; and then how the character gimmick was brought back almost immediately w mr harper, again, a gimmick which both the author and reader are aware of existing)

Mj being a tsundere was so funny to read, the characters are just taking turns using their collective braincell and the results are so chaotic and fun as a consequence

Also vampire!moonbin would do rlly well in eastern europe or italy, why is he in the us when his garlic addiction could be satiated much more easily elsewhere

WAAAAAAAAAAIT NOOOOO DON'T BRING OUT THE ANGST.

.....

That lasted like 5 mins lmao. Mj rlly said I'm the only one who can murder my totally not bf <3

There are so many moments that stuck out, so many good quotes, but this post will be endless if I mention all of them. Anyway, I rlly enjoyed the first fic of the series!

#asks #nero's music agenda #yes ik this isn't music but it's still a rec and it's still astro so it's still an agenda no it doesn’t have to make sense <3

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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The Critic Valentine’s Day Double Feature (Pilot/Sherman, Woman and Child)

Vivia Jay Sherman! Viva Quebec! Viva Valentine’s Day! And Viva WeirdKev who as happens for a good chunk of my content payed for this wonderful double feature for one of my favorite shows. The Critic was created by Al Jean and Mike Reis of The Simpsons fame, a comedy team supreme. While I knew the two wrote for the simpsons, more on that iin a minute, I had no idea just how many classics the two churned out: There’s No Disgrace Like Home, Moaning LIsa, The Telltale Head, The Way We Was, Stark Raving Dad (Sadly tainted by it’s guest star being a horirble monster but that’s not their fault), Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington, the treehouse of horror segments The Bart Zone and Clown Without Pity (The second of which may be my favorite treehouse of horror segment), and later coming back to write the story for one of my all time favorites Round Springfield and to outright write the classic “SupercalfragalisticexpalliDOHcious”. And to his credit Jean would later go on to write some classic post-golden age simpsons episodes during his tenure as producer: Lisa’s Sax, Mom and Pop Art, and Children of a Lesser Clod, which is notable if nothing else for this gag.

So yeah the guys are legends and were right to start their own show under Simpsons producer James L Brooks over at ABC. The show followed the adventures of film Critic, Jay Sherman, a parody of film critics with high brow tastes, impossibly high standards, and a huge opinon of himself, having won the pultizer at least once. Despite this he was also constnatly spat and shat on by society, divorced, lonely, depressed and eats like a thousand pigs combined in some horrific science accident. And given the last three parts describe me, as well as my profession of b eing a critic, naturally I love the guy and this show. I’ll get into his cast as we go as the first episode does an excellent job of introducing the entire cast so there’s no sense repeating myself. But the show’s style I can and will talk about: It’s basically Golden Age, i.e. season’s 1-10, simpsons, but with more pop culture refrences and movie parodies, since the show would often feature multiple on Jay’s show coming Attractions and took place in the celebrity hot spot of new york and was a love letter to the city.. and sometimes a hate letter but only when those digs at the city would be funny, which to be fair depsite never having been to or lived in new york most really are. That’s the series key asset: while a LOT of the jokes haven’t aged well as a lot of the celbreity refrences are dated as are some of the movie parodies, most are hilarious wether you get what their making fun of or not and to me tha’ts a good parody: where knowing what their making fun of HELPS, but you can laugh regardless. The show had the charm and pace of the Simpsons while having it’s own unique style and cast that was just as charming and I love it dearly. The show sadly only lasted two seasons, with ABC canceling it after one, and Brooks having it moved over to FOX, which was a good idea and lead to what’s probably my faviorite simpsons episode, a Star is Burns. Ironically despite you know, the show being created by two simpsons writers, backed by one of their producers and perfectly in line, creator Matt Groening was against the idea, publicly ranted about it to the press, and generally was an ass about it. Look I love the guy and even Brooks, Jean and Reiss were all nice enough in thier criticsim of the guy, but sitll very much understandably pissed off. .and i’m with them.

It gave what’s again, my faviorite episode and what is not a “30 minute add” but an episode that easily stands on it’s own and also you know, pokes fun at itself for being a crossover a few times. You don’t need to see the critic to enjoy it, and episodes most iconic gags, Boo-Urns, Man Getting HIt by a Football, Senior Speilbergo, all don’t involve jay. And again the shows were not at all dismilar: While the critic was it’s own thing it still had the simpsons sense of humor and pacing so I saw it more as a petty rant against having a crossover in general more than a legit critcisim. Especially since Groening had no such complaints decades later with the family guy crossover after both shows had all tehir talent surgically removed and had the gall to NOT remove a cheap shot at Bob’s Burgers. And yes i’m still bitter about seeing that in a promo for the special, Bob’s Burgers is fantastic, to the point that now, in a fabulous case of history repeating itself, it’s got it’s OWN show like the critic made by talented former crew members using a similar but sitll throughly unique comedy style , The Great North. My point is that controversy pisses me off, and The Great North is spectacular go watch it while you read this.

So yeah the Critic is awesome, me and Kev are both fans, and there are plenty of romantic episodes abound as the show digs into Jay’s love life quite a few times and has episodes about his son’s first love, his boss finding a wife towards the end of the series, his parents rekindling their spark and in what’s easily my faviorite episode, his sister dating a grunge rocker. So there was no shortage of choices but the choice made was brilliant.. and i’m not saying that because i’m being paid to, as my review of splatter phoenix’s first episode in darkwing duck and woops should show, paying me does not guarantee that I have to LIKE what your paying me to review. But here I did and he pointed out the first episode of each season, with season two being a soft reboot that while keeping the premise and supporting cast changed a few things around and added two new main characters, and both involve jay finding a new love intrest and intorduce a lot of the cast. I found him to be right, so where we are and after the cut i’ll dive into the good and bad of both episodes and see what changed inbetween seasons.

That gag will make sense.. later. Right now it’s time for our very first episode, the show’s very first episode as you could probably tell by the title.

Pilot: The pilot starts with Jay getting touched up by his Makeup Person Doris. Jay is played by legendary comedian John Lovitz, who this show gave me a deep and lasting appreciation for. Lovitz was at the time best known for his 5 year long stint on SNL, and film wise is best known for Three Amigos, the Brave Little Toaster, The Wedding Singer and Rat Race. Sadly while I do geninely love the guy.. he has been in enough crap to destroy the New York Sewer system, as everyone needs money and sadly not everyone appricates the talents of John Lovitz like I do.

So naturally he’s also been in The Stepford Wives remake, Grown Ups 2, The Ridiculous 6, Eight Crazy Nights, North, Benchwarmers and Benchwarmers 2: Breaking Balls. Yes that’s an actual movie, though it’s already better than the first one for virtue of not having Rob Schnider and David Spade starring in it despite.. that title. The irony is not lost on me that Lovitz has essentially made his money starring in the kinds of films Jay was forced to see for his job. Still a VERY talented, very lovely man.

Before we get to our next voice actor up, no profile of Jon would be complete without mentioning that time he slammed Andy Dick’s face into a bar. To make a very long story short, Lovitz was friends with the late great Phil Hartman, who even did some voice work for this very show, whose wife who had severe drug and mental ilness killed them both. Phil had told Lovitz he saw Dick give his wife cocaine, so after Phil’s tragic murder when Lovitz and Dick ended up on the same show, Lovitz ended up exploding at the guy out of grief and blamed him for her death, but later apologized like a gentleman. Living up to his name though Dick later went up to Lovitz at a restraunt Lovitz owned and said “I’m giving you the Phil Hartman curse, you die next”. Granted he was drunk but still...

Naturally Lovitz banned the guy and Lovitz later demanded an apology when the two ran into each other when they ran into each other at Lovitz regular gig at the comed store. Dick not only refused to apologize even when Lovitz put him against a wall, but said it was because “you blamed me for her death”... which was a decade ago with change by this point, the actions of a man GREIVING for his best friend whose wife’s relapse you caused which inadveradntly lead to her and her husband’s death, and something HE APOLOGIZED FOR. Naturally Lovitz took this how you would and did what we’d all like to do in general and broke the shit out of his face and only didn’t do more because they were seperated. IN short this man is a hero and I wil lbring up this story at every opportunity. Doris was played by the late voice actress Doris Grau, a script supervisor who worked on a LOT of films as one , the most notable I could find on wikipedia being Clue. This is a fact I just learned today but boy if it isn’t neat. Grau mostly did aditional voices for shows, most notably Ducktales and the Simpsons, where she played Lunchlady Doris, and of course this show. Still she seemed like a very funny and talented woman and it’s sad she’s gone. The two start the series mostly sniping at each other and while that never ENTIRELY goes away, Doris gets more supportive after a spotlight episode where she and Jay bond and Jay thinks she might be his mom. And while she’s not this surprisingly sticks and for the rest of the series while still not above making potshots at him on occasion, she’s far more supportive. She also informs him she’s out of spray on hair “I’m bald and ugly, get more!”. This show is naturally comedy gold and a lot of it relies on Lovitz sense of timing, though the rest of the cast aren’t slouches but we’ll get to them as we go. She ends up putting a hat over him and we get our first film parody, Rabbi PI starring Anuld, which is alright. Not one of the series best but passable and gets the gimmick of having film parodies on jay’s show across, which was a nice way to set it apart from the Simpsons. Jay reviews it on the Shermometor, a gimmick jay hates and that disappeared by season 2, giving it a bellow zero to the ire of his boss Duke Phillips. Duke is one of the best parts of the show, an unhinged southren billlonare who was a modeled after Ted Turner, down to the mustache, who built up his fried chicken franchise into a multimedia congrlomorate and is also mildly nuts, though that part would be more of a thing in season 2. In season 1, he’s mostly there to make Jay’s life hell, with about half of the seasons episodes having him either fire jay or put his job in jeapordy versus 2 the next season. He’s still not unfunny, but most of his best stuff is in season 2 when Charles Napier’s allowed to cut loose a little more and the character wasn’t shoehorned into just being a clueless executive. Charles Napier is a longtime character actor who showed up in TONS of films and tv shows too many to list.. and trust me with some of the lists of credits before and after this that’s saying something, his biggest voice rolls being in this series and Men and Black the Series as Zed. But needless to say he was ALWAYS this awesome and sadly passed in 2011. Jay’s guest for the day is Valerie Fox, an up and coming actress whose first film kiss of death is coming out soon.. and whose age is an engima and it’s only a problem because if she’s 20, like the episode mildly suggests giving her starting career and her voice actress being that age, then this gets really gross as jay is 17 years older than her then. But given she looks older than that and sounds certainly older than that, i’m going more with 30, since she looks more like it, and sharon stone, who she’s mildly based on given she stars in a basic instinct knockoff and does the leg thing, was 32 at the time of basic instinct. Valerie is voiced by Jennifer Lien, aka Kes from star trek voyager who I only know about because of reviews done by SF Debris and Allison Pregler. She was the childlike love intrest of Nelix, the ship’s resident pain in the audience asses who made them BEG for early seasons wesley crusher and who once, and I saw footage this wasn’t SF Debris exagreated, lunged at a crewmate in a jealous rage, unfounded by the way since Tom was AVOIDING kes depsite being attracted to her as he just wnated her to be happy and to not mess up her relationshpi, and screamed “i’ll kill you!”. Point is she hasn’t had a huge career, but was still worth noting and does a fantastic job here. Again I did not realize she was that young at the time by her voice, and that means she did a great job.

So Jay’s smitten with her, finds her super attractive and she asks him out.. but to the show’s credit, and Jay’s he does try to rebuff her because he knows ther’es a conflict of intrest there.. but ends up giving in. However at least the show not only is upfront that there’s an issue here but that ends up being the thrust of the last act. Granted there’s still some.. questionable stuff like when she does the basic instinct leg cross and he says “can we get a shot of that”, which no.. Jay.. no you can’t. Ewwww. Seen far worse, like It’s Pat, which was a VERY real SNL sketch about people trying to guess the titular pat’s gender because that’s not creepy or invasive even for the time. And they made a movie out of it because Wayne’s World was popular forgetting that Wayne’s World, one of my faviorite movies by the way and one I need to cover here sometime this year now the thought’s occured to me, was a labor of love, with a talented director and actual ideas from it’s two leads who actually fleshed out the character versus a concept that was NEVER funny to begin with and has gotten down right horrifying with age. And wasn’t I talking about the Critic? Not the abusive jackass mind you, Jay Sherman.

Ah yes so Jay takes Valerie to a date at Lane Riche, the rich jackass where we meet Vlada, a vaugely european man whose your typical hollywood suckup. As Jay puts it in a later episode Vlada: I love you too Jay: You only love my money Vlada: That’s true but it is a love that will never die. He also naturally scoots Jay to a less nice table in the Critic’s section once Conan O’Brian shows up... which WAS supposed to be a different kind of joke, as at the time Conan was just a writer on the simpsons and SNL, but now given he has a decades long career in late night and famously said fuck you to NBC during that whole Tonight Show debacle, which netted him his own show on TBS, it comes off more as the kind of self deprciating gag Conan makes about himself. So in other words it’s actually funnier now?

As for the critic’s section that’s a part of the series I’ve neglected to talk about so let’s do that: The kind of critic Jay is, one who plays clips of the movie and reviews them.. on television. And were usually academics who looked down on popular film, the kind Siskel and Ebert popularized, and both suprisingly had a huge guest apperance in season 2 and even reviewed the show on their show. This kind of film criticism just dosen’t exist on tv that i’m aware of anymore, and mostly lives on with internet reviewers , many of whom were inspiried by critics like this, and who range from acadmeics to average joes to some mixture of both. It never went away just simply went to a younger generation. Some of which squandred it and somehow still have a career like certain abusuive jackasses i’ve mentioned enough with that one gag a few paragraphs ago. Point is it’s a much more varied and different game now so the critic ended up as one of those shows or movies where the main characters very job feels like an artifact of it’s time, like our heroes in Wayne’s World hosting a public acess show, when nowadays they’d just put it up on youtube or the entire idea of a UHF station in well.. UHF. It’s not a BAD thing, just something to note.

But the date goes well as Valerie shows she’s really into jay and even takes him oggling her in stride, though we do get an utter classic of a gag when Jay says something about women being drawn to him.. and cue an old woman asking to rub his nonexistant hump for luck “You hunchbacks are all alike”. She does so anyway to his understandable annoyance.

But the two go back to Jay’s place, talk about his acomplishments including a pulitzer and then well.. the obvious happens they go to bed together and the next day after Valerie is horrified at his just woke up fac,e he gives her an easy out but she’s fine with it. It honestly shows just how low the poor guy’s self esteem is that he just.. assumes a woman will regret having slept with hima nd walk out and while played for laughs it really gives a clear look into Jay’s mental state: He’s so full of self loathing, not helped by the world being out to get him, that it’s really oddly endearing. And VERY releatable. The two are interupted by Jay’s son Marty. Marty is played by the very recognizable and very wonderful Christine Cavanagh, who sadly passed away in 2014. She voiced Chuckie Finster, Gosalyn Mallard, Oblina, Dexter from Dexter’s Lab and the titular pig from Babe. She decided to retire in 2001, so while her career was only about a decade she made quite the impact and is sorely missed. Unsuprisingly her usual voice is perfect for the very awkward Marty, who Jay asks to tell eveyrone about the beautiful woman in his bed especially his unfaithful and utterly loathsome ex wife ardith.

This scene demonstrates two problems. The first is just the pilot as Jay’s kind of sleazy. While Jay being thirsty wouldn’t go away, especially in the episode Lady Hawke, it’d be made more awkwardly endearing. Here there are moments of him just plain being creepy like the aformentioned oggling, which while not bad in itself, if a bit awkawrd, also has him creepily muttering to himself while doing so which removes any charm or relatability and just sends it straight into needing 10 showers just to wash this scene off. The rest of the series would just turn him into a bit desperate at worst. It also explains why the only other romantic story the guy has in the season is a pastiche of misery. Thanfully this would be GREATLY adjusted next season but we’ll get to that.

The other problem is just the tone... we get a good half a minute of Marty talking about how he calls Ardith’s boyfriend “Uncle Al” because he likes him a lot.. to his dad’s face. And granted his dad is being creeptastic this episode but the early episodes just pile on the Jay hatred by the world a bit thick, to the point one episode puts him as “worse than hitler”. Granted the audience is full of idiot teens who have no idea who hitler is, and the gag is kinda funny, but it makes my point: Jay is just utterly shat on by the world, and while he does get a few wins, most are undercut by something awful and it gets taxing sometimes. The guy is just too loveably pathetic to hate, too relatable even as a teen and not snobish enough to be really loathsome or WANT to see him knocked down by the world. It’s not overwhelming enough to ruin the first season, it still has good episodes but this episode does highlight a LOT of these problems. He does get to spend the day with val though, dancing outside the trump buliding, seriously even back then he was a joke and his lack of money half the time was well known.. how did the last four years happen, and they tell each other they love each other. I’d aww if I didn’t know how this ended. So jay relates the good news of how he feels to his best friend, Jeremy Hawke, played by Maurice LaMarche. LaMarche is one of the most talented voice actors alive, a master of impersonations paticuarlly orson welles, who was naturally brought on board because they knew they were going to need a lot of celebrity voices for the film parodies and needed one or two guys to do them to keep it cheap. The guy is like most of this cast a legend in the industry, having voiced the Brain, Squit, Dizzy Devil, the Human Ton, Big Bob Pataki, Egon Spengler, Sleet, Kiff Kroker, Headless Body of Agnew, Morbo, Various other Futurama characters because that list is long, Mortimer Mouse, Blue Falcone, Father, Yosemite Sam, Vincent Van Ghoul, Doctor Doom, Abradolf Lincler, and Odval. Point is the guy has been engranged in my childhood and adulthood and will probably even after he’s gone come back from the grave to do some voices. He even got the part of Jeremy Hawke here because he happened to do a REALLY good australian accent depsite not being australian. Jeremey was a combination of paul hogan, the star of the Crocodile Dundee movies and at the time sex symbol and at this time known anti semite Mel Gibson. Obviously neither of those refrences has aged paticuarlly well, but since hollywood ALWAYS has room for a super hunk from australia, just ask Chris Hemsworth or before him Hugh Jackman, the character still works and his breakout role, Crocodile Ghandi is so ludcrious it works. I.e. a white australian man playing the mahtma and saying before he brings peace “First a tasteful shot of my bum for the ladies. Jeremy, while sometimes increidbly oblvious, is still a fairly nice easygoing guy and an extremley loveable character. And whie Jay worries about Valrie meeting him because he’s sex on a cracker she ignores him and jay gloats for a bit, paticuarlly with the great bit “take your genatalia right back to australia”. And while Jeremy’s happy for him he tries to reign Jay in when Jay talks asking her to marry him. As Jeremy later relates on Jay’s fire escape “Bubala, i’ve learned there’s two things you should never do: Marry an actress and wear blackface to the naacp image awards. Two things I found out the hard way. “

So Jay takes her to meet his parents and finds out he’s adopted.. and their also rich. Jay’s waspy parents are his cold and overly honest mother Elanor, played by Judith Ivey, his kooky dad and THE best part of the series Franklin played by Gerrit Grahm and his loving and free spirited teenager sister Margo played by Nancy Cartwright. Okay (cracks knuckles) here. we. go. Judith Ivey is a tony wining stage actress and has also directed numerous plays and is mostly known for her stage work but I know her from Designing Women where she played BJ in the last season. Garret Grahm apparently shows up in a lot of brian depalma movies, including Beef in phantom of the paradise, a lot of tv work and to my shock the asshole dad from Child’s Play 2. Another thing I genuinely love I wasn’t aware an actor or actress from this series had a part in. Finally there’s Nancy Cartwright, who you DEFINTELY know from the Simpsons, where she plays Bart, along with Nelson, Ralph, Kearny, Database, and Maggie, and Kearny. Other credits include Pistol Pete, Mindy from Animaniacs, Chuckie Finster picking up for Christine Cavanagh ironically enough, Lu and Rufus from Kim Possible. She’s a talented lady and i’m glad sh’es still around. Whew.

Okay so yeah I do love the shermans and fraknlin is again easily the best part of an already excellent series and unlike Duke that’s in full display here, with him saying, when his wife mentions they were going to give jay back at one time, “Son if I’ve said it once I said it a thousand times.. who are all you people. “ and he’d only get better. Sadly he’s NOT in sherman woman and child. Our loss really. But he’s in pretty much every other episode of season 2 thankfully and most of this season so eh, fair trade off. Also we get the classic line, after Jay says he’ll love valrie even when he’s decaying in the ground, his mom quips “Cna’t we go one meal without talking about your rotting corpse?” Though Eleanor understandably thinks Valarie is using jay for a good review. Margo suspects her of the same and takes her on a horse ride, though all she can gleam is that Val genuielly loves jay and welcomes her to the family. Jay however does decide to duck out of the inteview by faking sick, which leads to a really sweet moment where Valerie visits him and they dance, in a hilaroius but oddly sweet parody of Beauty and the Beast, Beauty and King Dork. Despite the title and the song insluting him a LOT it’s still just endearing. This is a problem but we’ll get to in just a moment WHY all these touching moments are a problem. So naturally things don’t go that well for Jay as Duke has a tape of the film sent to him “My shrink was right: GOd does hate me!”

Naturally kiss of death is bad and valrie is bad in it and Jay is left uncertain what to do, but eventually decides he has to do what he feels is right,.. though he does take a picture of her while she’s sleeping. “In case you do leave”

So in a tender and heartbreaking moment Jay is honest, the movie does suck and she’s not good but he does compliment her, for her personality not her body despite his skeevy behavior and say she could get better. Instead when he arrives home.. she dumps him to his face and leaves never to be seeen again while he assumes she’ll come back. And that’s the issue it’s GENUINELY hard to tell if we’re supposed to side with Jay. On one hand he genuinely loves her and does the right thing and on the oth er he’s kinda creepy. It’s a mixed tone that just sorta hurts thing and something the series DID fix after this, as it found a better ballance of the guy being pitable while also still being an ass and ONLY usually being punished when he does something actually wrong, the only exception being Dial M for MOther which is easily the weakest episode of the series. The episode does close on a really funny moment as Jay’s dispondent because “I’m sitting on top of a volcano of rage and I don’t knwo where to direct it”. Marty mentions a new Sylvester Stallone movie where “He plays a concert pianst who” And jay dosen’t even need the rest of that to shout “To the multiplex!” The man is back

Final Thoughts for Pilot: This episode is not bad. It has it’s flaws as I said, mostly in tone, but the series would iron that out and it’s still a great pilot that organically introduces the entire main cast in one episode and really gives us the full idea of who Jay Sherman is. It’s also REALLY funny, as the series should be and it would get better, but i’d still put it over some more awkward first episode like Letterkenny’s “No Reaosn to Get Excited”, even with it’s brilliant ending or Bojack Horseman’s first episode whose title is way too long to put here in an article that’s already long as hell about about to get longer. But like those series this pilot worked pass the awkwardness and the result is a damn good series. but if you want a better idea of what it became.. wellllllll

Sherman, Woman and Child: So yeah as you can tell JSUT by contrasting images a few things were changed up between seasons, part of it at network instance. The designs were softened , the color palette was brightened with jay being the most noticably alterted between seasons.

The execs wanted jay a bit warmer, so his face was given wider more expressive eyes and was also scrucnehd down a bit. He was also made slightly less of a jackass, with his elitisim toned down a bit and his creepeir moments gone. For instance he no longer had a split personality/imaginary secretary named ethel. That was actually a thing. It didn’t even really change Jay as a person, this very episode mentions him not liking the Lion King, and he’s still snooty, he’s jusst not as punchable about it and that was for the best. But the cringe comedy in general was taken down a peg and replaced with more fun weirdness, which wihle present in season 1 really pops more here, especially with Jay’s dad who sadly dosen’t show up in this episode, but at various points dresses up like El Kabong, puts on the mask from the mask (”He did the same thing at Nixon’s funeral”), and blows up famous works of art while babysitting. But yeah things get a bit more surreal like the simpsons from season 4 onward, ironically enough given these guys left to make their own show, and it’s to the show’s benefit.

But besides a lighter tone, they also wanted two things to hook viewers in: A permenant love intrest for Jay, and an adorable kid character. The former.. was acutlaly quite resonable, as i’td both give jay a “win” as it were, allow the cast to have another femlae character and give him someone else to confide in besides Doris or Jeremy, to give those characters a break. The other was less so and we’ll get into why when we meet her.

This episode really is a second pilot, reintroducing about half of the main cast. Marty, Elanor, Margo and as I said Franklin are all absent. But their reintroduced soon enough with the fourth episode in both broadcast and dvd order, and my personal faviorite “A Song for Margo, is entirely focused on Jay’s parents and sister, while Lady Hawke has marty breifly at the start for broadcast order and he’s in the frmaing device for Sherman of Arabia in dvd order. So the characters all get a proper reintroduction to new audiences, but it was the right call to NOT shove them into this one, still introducing new people to the new cast, but letting the two new additions to it breathe and get properly intergrated into this universe.. well more Alice than Penny but we’ll get to that. It’s part of why, besides the genuine extra coat of polish aand seasonal changes I feel this is the better episode.

So we open with Jay on his show and two parodies in a row. The first is a few good men but with Jack Nichelson making fun of Christan Slater for sounding like him even though. they honestly aren’t too similar other than both doing that pause thing a bit. So yeah not their best but the second segment makes up for it “The Nightmare Before Channukah” a parody of the nightmare before christmas that was so beautifully animated and funny, that they actually bumped it up to the season premiere. But while the parodies are good Jay’s show is once again, this happened a LOT in season one, in jeapordy, being beaten by the Benedictine monk variety hour. Which while the Bendictine Monks are VERY much an artifact of the 90′s a choir of monks that somehow went mainstream, the whole segment is so absurd and wonderful it stands on it’s own and is still funny to me in 2021. Duke comes in anda fter trying to softball things shows the change I mentioned: He’s actually sorry the show is in danger and is genuinely sincere that he’s sad he’ll probably have to cancel it versus season 1 where he was ready to cancel it what felt like every other episode. And I prefer this, where he can still mess with jay or flex his power over him, but is more cordial with the guy and it allows more jokes between the two.

So Jay’s not doing so good.. and during his crappy day he spots a 30 something woman and her young daughter struggling in the rain and stops his cab to help. And gets maced for it “MMM, Jalapeno”. Though Alice does apologize and Jay does understand as it is New York and she graciously takes the offer. It’s in the cab their properly introduced. Aliice thompkins and her daughter penny who in a great bit punches jay in the nose for not liking the lion king (”rex reed did the same thing”) and then kissing him on the nose in apology (”Rex did that too” And he acompanies them in.. and also gets conked on the head by a potted plant and put in a materinity dress.

So we get to know Alice and what her deal is: Alice was once married to and supported the career of country star Cyrus Thompkins who was.. less than subtle in his music about how faithful he was

Easily one of my favorite gags of the series if in part for Pat Overall’s delivery. So she moved from Knoxville to New York to prove to her daughter a woman can make it on her own, and proves she’s smart, talented and driven she just needs a break. She seemingly gets one in a man in a bright white outfit who says “this is your ticket out of this rundown flophouse” only for him to cheerfully exclaim “Your being evicted!”... PFFFTT. Cue where the commerical would be

So during this lull in the action let’s talk about Alice and Penny’s voice actresses: Alice is voiced by Park Overall, though for some weird reason I thought she was voiced by Hollly Hunter. Dunno why. Park is an outspoken liberal, supporting my boy bernie sanders in 2016 and in general seems like a fascenating lady. Naturally like with Jay’s parents I know her from something more oddly specific, the sitcom Reba, as I did not realize she voiced alice depsite using a similar voice for her character there, Reba’s best friend Lori Ann.. And while Park TRIED her best.. the character didn’t work out: a combination of it being simply funnier that barbra jean tried to wedge herself into the roll and the fact Reba really didn’t need a horny abrasive sidekick meant the charcter had a very short shelf life and the audience had very low patience for her. I did like her constnatly insulting Brock as he was not a good person andi t was nice SOMEONE besides Reba actually got to roast him on a regular basis.

Penny was voiced by the one and only Russi Taylor, who sadly passed in 2019. She voiced Huey Dewey and Louie, Webby Vanderquack, Minnie Mouse, Fantasma, the imcomprable martin prince...

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Among tons of smaller rolls. She’s sadly missed. We’ll get more into what they add or subtract from the show in a minute, as the next day at work Jay wonders how to help, though Duke’s interjection gives us two great gags: his “30 second workout” which involvees throwing jay around like a medicine ball and.. well this.

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The man is a legend for a reason. He earned that golden statue. So Jay TRIES slipping alice the money only to give it “To my good friend crazy postman”, and Alice refuses the money due to pride.. even if you know, she has a small child and new york is expensive but Jay finds a better solution, hire her.. even if it’d make it impossible for them to date. For all of one episode. What keeps the power dynamics from feeling EUGUUUUGGHH here is that Jay treats alice like an equal partner at work and dosen’t let their relationship really impact things outside of one episode, and dosen’t use his position to get into a relationship with her nor does she use being responsible for a turn in his fortune for hers.

And yes turn in fortune, as a makeover and a change of attidue under Alice’s direction, which is utterly amazing to watch and wow’s duke and hte audience, wins back his fans and his job is secure. Duke meets alice and we get more great duke stuff. including something truly iconic...

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I want bears who sing for me, doo dah, doo dah. But yeah things are well though Jay ends up admitting to Jeremy he can’t stop thinking about her “Her merest smile is like pedals of the empreror’s bathwater, BATHWATER I TELL YOU BATHWATER. “ So Jeremey encourages him carpe canum “Seize the dog”. He does so.. and the day but instead finds Alice with her ex Cyrus whose trying to win her back. Wuh oh. Once the asshole leaves, and agrees to give her the night to think, Alice admits the only reason she’s considering it is she has a weakness: his singing melts her like butter on a bagle (”God i’ve been in new york too long”. ) Jay tries to talk her out of it at the critics meeting for “Dennis the Meance II Society” which involves Dennis pulling a drivebye on mr wilson.. why wasn’t this the second live action dennis the meance movie? WHY I ASK YOU. But Jay gets a good idea, as Alice TRIES to tell the asshole to get to stepping (And to see penny often, she’s not a monster), he works his evil song magic.. only for Jay to undercut it with his own amazing song on acordian. “Cyrus is just a virus, he wants to tie you down while your still young. Your potetial, is what’s essential, you could someday be another connie chung!” And that ultiamtely shows WHY jay is the better man. He just wants what’s best for her and dosen’t care if it’s him, he just wants it not to be THIS asshole. He’s not even trying to win her over, which a lot of these gestures creepily lead to. He just wants to help her be who she’s MEANT to be. And that’s why this works better: Instead of a fake relationship built on lust and someone conning the other person, it’s a real one built on genuine chemistry. Also Alice you know dosen’t just.. vanish after an episode but is a permenant part of the cast. I mean she does for the webisodes but we don’t talk about those.

So our hero undercuts Cyrus one more time Cyrus: “Loverrrr, without you there’s no other” Jay: Give him a chance he’ll do your mother....

I mean he’s not worng, So Cyus is sent packing and we get a nice romantic moment between the two.

Final Thoguhts: Sherman, Woman and Child This one is truly excellent. It relaunchs the show on all cyllanders. And frankly Alice was a fine addition to the cast: her own fully fleshed out woman with her own personality outside of jay, who was tough, smart and a good counterpoint and confidant to Jay and it felt like she’d always fit. Penny on the other hand, apologizes to the late Russi Taylor who tries her best, just dosen’t work and feels ultra cloying and out of place in the series and unspurisingly is barely used after this. But overall a better pilot than the actual pilot was already pretty good and a fine pair of episodes. Check em out whenever the series eithe rgets on a streaming platform or pops back up on youtube as Sony’s struck it down... despite not putting it up anywhere i’m aware of. Seriously sell it to HBO Max or Disney I want a reboot. But for now this series is awesome check it out and until the next rainbow, it’s been a pleasure.

#the critic #jay sherman #alice thompkins #marty sherman #duke phillips #pilot #sherman mother and child #jon lovitz #the simpsons #mike reiss #al jean #abc #fox #animation #the 90s

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thiswasinevitableid · 4 years

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47 for OT4, SFW or NSFW I love your writing! :))

Thank you! I went SFW for this one.

47: you overhear me complaining to my coworker about your ridiculous daily coffee order, whoops

“Oh christ, here he comes.” Duck mutters to Indrid as he pumps hazelnut syrup into a cup, “the one I was tellin you about.”

Indrid, stationed at the counter, tilts his head as he watches the windows, “would he be the one that looks like a lumberjack or the one who looks like a secret agent?”

“The second one. I dunno what it is, but his order drives me fuckin nuts. It’s super specific; dark roast, single origin only, heavy cream until it turns about that color” he points to the wall, “with a half pump of caramel and a half pump of vanilla. You’re gonna be that specific, just make it at home.” He’s busy putting a lid on the drink and therefore misses Indrid’s hand waving.

“I do, and it’s not that hard.” A deep voice makes him turn; the lumberjack, looking more amused than annoyed.

“And since you know my order so well already” the other man, smile, tight lipped, at him before turning to Indrid, “one of those and one large, black coffee.”

Duck starts the drink, making it as fast as he can so he can slink off into the back room. Shit, if the guy rats on him he could get in trouble, he’s already on thin ice after throwing out some rich kid for harassing the staff.

Indrid takes the drinks, mouths, “go” and heads around the counter while Duck makes a bee-line for the supply closet.

--------------------------

Indrid sets the cups down in front of the two men, then slides a plate with a large, hot monster cookie on it between them.

“On the house, as they say.”

“This an apology cookie or a ‘don’t give us a bad review’ cookie?” The lumberjack smirks.

“Both.” Indrid says mildly, smiling and returning to his post.

As he walks away he hears the deep voice whisper, “wouldn’t kick that one outta bed for eating crackers.”

A soft laugh, “Agreed. Pity his friend is an ass.”

When Jake and Hollis arrive a few minutes later to take over for him and Duck, he finds his boyfriend clonking his head into the wall by the break room.

“Don’t worry, love, I smoothed things over.”

“Thanks. Just feel like a dipshit. Both for gettin overheard and complainin in the first place.”

“I assumed it was stress from waiting on interview results.”

“Yeah.” Duck pulls on his jacket, “still feel shitty though.”

“Come, let’s go home. I have some ideas for relaxation.” He purrs, kissing Duck’s cheek.

“How may of ‘em are fuckin’-based?”

“Half.”

“Good, gives us some variety just in case.”

-----------------------------------------------------------

“We’ve paired you with another duo, if that’s okay?”

“Sure” Duck smiles at the Escape Room employee, takes Indrid’s hand as they follow him down the hall, “Aubrey says these are more fun in a group.”

“I look forward to--oh dear.”

Duck turns to see the pair from the coffee shop last week. The lumberjack looks about the same, but the secret agent is dressed more casually than usual. His black hair is loose rather than slicked back, and he’s in jeans and shirt that reads, “Champ” with a dark outline of sea monster on the front. He almost looks cute.

“You’ve been trapped in the lair of hostile, highly intelligent space aliens. You have an hour to escape. Good luck” The employee shuts the door, leaving the pairs to stare at each other.

“Uh, hi. Again.” Duck waves awkwardly

“Hey.” The lumberjack waves back, “so, uh, this is hella awkward, right?”

“Yes.” The other three respond.

“Cool. Look, I dunno about you but I don’t wanna get dissected by aliens. So, bygones?”

The others nods and he smiles, “I’m Barclay, this is Joseph. My, uh, my boyfriend.” It’s distinctly odd watching such a large man blush like a schoolgirl. Joseph smiles, kisses his cheek, then looks around the room.

“Alright, we need to find the four symbol code to enter onto that pad. Spread out and look for places symbols might be hidden.”

They find the first one easily. Indrid’s eye for color and patterns helps them locate the second, and when a clue points to the third being high up, instead of having to construct a makeshift ladder or step-stool, Barclay simply reaches up and grabs it. It does not escape Duck’s notice that both Indrid and Joseph get appreciative looks on their faces when Barclay then moves a “cloning pod” out of the way all by himself.

“I suspect the last symbol is hidden one something that is in...that hole.” Joseph points to the newly revealed wall lined with several cubbies, one of which has danger signs written all around it.

“Not it. Too close to a garbage disposal, and I have nightmares about putting my hand down that at the wrong time.” Barclay shudders.

“I would also prefer not to be the one to reach in; such elements often have a loud noise gimmick and I do not enjoy that.”

Joseph glances at Duck, blue eyes glinting with a not-entirely-friendly challenge.

“Fuck it, I’ll do it.” Duck steps forward and cautiously slides his hand in. Indrid’s instinct was right, as the whole starts vibrating with a loud, grinding sound. Indrid yelps, grabbing the other two men, who in turn jump and scream in surprise. Duck grits his teeth, fights the urge to pull back, and finds a smooth tile waiting for him. When he removes his hand the noise stops, and he grins, triumphant, as he shows off the last symbol.

“WHOO!” Barclay cheers and high-fives Duck as Joseph punches in the symbols, stopping the timer on the wall, “shit, that was wild man, scared the living hell outta me and I wasn’t even the one doing it.”

“Mmmm, my brave hero.” Indrid drapes his arms over his shoulder, kissing him.

“Sap.” Duck teases, kissing him back.

“You know, we make a pretty good team.” Joseph brushes stray hair off his face.

“Yeah. Would, um, would you guys like to go grab coffee or something?” Barclay looks genuinely hopeful, which is why, ten minutes later, Duck is sitting across from Joseph in a dark-wood coffee shop. Indrid has excused himself to wash his hands and Barclay is outside taking a phone call from someone named Mama.

Duck sips his coffee (black) as he watches Joseph measure cream into his mug.

“That explains it; guys who drink black coffee are always weird about guys who don’t.”

“Don’t Barclay drink his black?”

“Only when we’re out, when we’re at home he’s always making fancy coffee. Trying out new recipes. It works well. Or, um, mostly well. There was a green tea cherry espresso that was not his finest.”

“Eech. Heh, that reminds me of the time ‘Drid was so groggy he poured strawberry syrup into his coffee instead of caramel. Didn’t phase him one bit, but I felt like I was kissin a berry patch the whole day. Swear the man’s half moth or some shit from how much sugar he drinks.”

Joseph snickers, “sorry, imagining Indrid as a mothman is a funny image.”

Duck pictures it and giggles, which makes Joseph laugh harder. When they recover, he scratches the back of his neck, “Look, I’m sorry I was a dick about your coffee order. Just havin one of those weeks where everythin got on my nerves.”

“It’s alright. I’m not all that bothered by it. Not intellectually, anyway. Being particular or precise is something people have been, um, less than kind to me about in the past.”

“Nothin wrong with knowin what you like.”

Joseph glances out the window at Barclay, “No, no there’s not.”

----------------------------------

It becomes a weekly arrangement; the four of them meet for some kind of activity, then go to lunch or dinner. Duck learns many things over those weeks; that Barclay can figure out how to reverse engineer Indrid’s favorite cupcakes from a local bakery, that Joseph has a worryingly deep yet very endearing knowledge of bad horror movies. That while Joseph is terrifying during a trivia match, Duck can still wipe the floor with everyone when it comes to the science categories. He learns that Joseph is trans, like him, and that Barclay and Indrid actually went to the same high school but were two years apart and thus didn’t know each other.

Right now, he’s learning that he’s not as good at laser tag as he thought he was.

They went during the cheaper hours, mid-afternoon on a Sunday, and while all four of them are on the same team they’ve gotten separated in the neon-tinted darkness.

He can tell the enemy team has spotted him, and is moving as fast as he can out of range, when a hand reaches out of a darkened turret and pulls him in.

“GAHoh, phew, scared the hell outta me Joe.”

“Sorry, it was safer than calling out.” The space is small, built for kids rather than two twenty-six year olds, and so Joe is pressed right up against him as he watches the door. He might be the only guy Duck knows who wears honest to god cologne, clean and minty smelling, and the scent wraps around him when Joe pulls him back against his chest to hide them from passing opponents.

“Fuck, that was close.” He whispers.

“Don’t worry” Joe murmurs in his ear, voice huskier than normal, “you’ve got me to look out for you.” He breaks away as if nothing happened, pulls Duck’s body out into the glowing chaos, while his mind stays in the little room, wondering what the fuck that was.

------------------------------------

“Can’t believe we got our asses handed to us by a bunch of eleven year olds.” Duck groans as they sit, licking their wounds along with soft-serve from a tiny shack that Barclay swears by.

“That one blonde girl is gonna grow up to be a sniper.” Barclay offers his cone (chocolate and sour cherry) to Joseph, who takes a prim bite.

“It may run in the family; I think her dad was the one with the ‘Go Army’ shirt.”

“Oh, were we not supposed to be going easy on them?” Indrid cocks his head. The others stare at him in mute shock.

“I’m kidding; I was utterly outmatched in there.” He grins before dragging his tongue up his cone (pineapple and marshmallow). When he reaches the tip he opens his mouth wider, taking it all in with a satisfied moan. He pulls off, stray ice cream dribbling down his chin until Joe hands him a napkin. Indrid thanks him, then proceeds to do the exact same thing, over and over, and Duck realizes neither of the other men have looked away from his boyfriend. Barclay’s legs are now crossed, and Joe’s cheeks are pink. Duck can’t really blame them--he knows exactly what Indrid can do with that mouth--but what’s stranger is he doesn’t feel jealous or annoyed. He knows Indrid sometimes struggles with looking, in his own words, “offputting.” It’s nice to see two other people catch on to just how hot he is.

Then again, he kind of wishes Joe would stop staring and eat his own cone; he wants to see what his tongue can do, too.

---------------------------------------------

“Watcha drawin’?” Duck slides onto the couch next to Indrid.

“Just random images.”

“That us with Joe and Barclay?”

“I, ah, yes it is.”

“Like it a lot. Christ you’re talented, it’s like how much you like us is comin’ right off the page.”

“Is, ah, is that so? I hadn’t noticed, ah, oh dear, I just remembered I need to go call Jake about covering my shift.”

------------------------------------------

Duck: That new barcade is finally open, wanna come with us on Saturday?

Barclay: Wish we could, but we got a friends birthday that night.

Duck: No big, let us know if you want to catch a flick on Sunday

Barclay sets the phone down, not remembering it’s a group text until Joe pokes his head out of the bedroom.

“Shit, whose birthday is on Saturday? We need to get a gift.”

“Oh, uh, no, no one. Just, uh, didn’t feel like going out but didn’t want them to think I was, like, angry or something. Sorry, shoulda asked if you wanted to go without me, shit, that was rude.”

“It’s alright, I don’t mind time that’s just for us.” He crosses the living room, fiddles with Barclays hair, “but let me know if you want to see a movie Sunday, I’m happy either way.”

“Uhuh, will do.” Barclay nods, not really paying attention, as he imagines silvery hair in the dark theater and holding slender, cool fingers in his own.

---------------------------------

“Why do I get the feeling you don’t actually have that DVD to loan me?”

“I do” Duck shuts the apartment door behind Joe, “but we got some things to discuss first.” He waits until Joe is sitting next to Barclay (lured here by the promise of cookies) and across from Indrid (lives here, not that hard to lure).

“Look, I don’t think I really gotta point out how weird it is that we went from hangin out every week to not seein’ each other for near a month. But what I do gotta point out is why it’s happenin’.”

“We’ve all been busy?” Joe hazards.

“Yeah, but we all were busy before and we made time for each other. Now we, myself included, are cancelin shit.” He takes a deep breath, “Barclay, Joe, you both got a thing for ‘Drid, don’t you?”

Joe nods while Barclay blushes and mutters, “yeah.”

“And ‘Drid, you got a thing for both of them?”

His boyfriend shifts nervously in his seat, but nods all the same. Barclay looks genuinely surprised.

“Well, you three ain’t the only ones realizin’ you want more than you got. Joe, I, uh, I really like you. As in wanna date you. So, uh, that’s where we’re at.” He sits down next to Indrid, who instantly takes his hand.

“That’s...wait, don’t we all want the same thing?” Joe looks between them, puzzled.

“You’d really be okay with me dating Indrid?” Barclay asks softly.

“We’d both be dating him. And I’d be dating Duck as well as you two. Assuming that was alright with Indrid?”

“....You know, I think it is.” Indrid squeezes Duck’s hand, “I was afraid to admit how I felt; I didn’t want to come between you and Barclay, because you clearly love each other, and I couldn’t bear the thought of losing Duck. But I’ve also seen how happy he is around you, Joseph; there is no reason we could not all work things out to be happy as a, ah, polycule? Is that the term?”

“Think so.” Barclay relaxes, “fuck, I felt so bad thinking that wanting Indrid would fuck everything up, don’t know what to do with my self now that I’m not stressing about it.”

“I propose we order dinner and just...talk.” Indrid rests his head on Duck’s shoulder, “I think that will help us sort out where to go from here.”

Duck orders takeout from the Chinese place down the block as Indrid and Joe arrange the living room into a place where they can all sit together comfortably and Barclay grab drinks. Soon they’re gathered on the floor, working out logistics and boundaries and hopes and fears between bites of fried rice and chow mein. Joe keeps notes, curling closer to Duck as the evening goes on.

There’s a part of him that wants to jump straight to sex, to pin Joe to floor and fuck him while his other boyfriends do what they want to him, to Duck, to each other. But this thing between them is a new leaf in spring, vulnerable and just beginning to grow.

So, after dinner, they cuddle up on the couch and floor to watch the midnight movie on local T.V, hands tentatively finding each other and bodies gradually resting closer together in new configurations.

He falls asleep on the floor, Indrid spooning him and Joe resting his head on his belly. Wakes up with Joe curled around him and Barclay cuddled up to Indrid, snoring softly.

Duck slips out of the configuration, pads into the kitchen to start coffee. When Joe sneaks up behind him he gasps, snickers as the taller man kisses him good morning. Then he grabs two mugs, smiling to himself at his luck as he opens the fridge. After all, he already knows just how his new boyfriend likes his coffee.

#meet ugly #OT4: Government Men and Their Cryptid Boyfriends #agent stern/barclay/indrid cold/Duck newton #agent stern/barclay #indrid cold/duck newton #indruck #sternclay #prompt fills #agent stern/duck newton

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isitreallyok · 3 years

Text

Super Hero Time and My Very Own Kamen Rider Club

[A quick note before we get started here. In this post and likely in all posts to come names of people in my personal life have been changed to maintain anonymity.] After last week’s heavy topic regarding the pressures of positivity, I thought it would be better to at least start this week off lighthearted. It’s very likely that the vast majority of the readers of this are going to be from the US and as such likely have grown up with or at least seen an episode of Power Rangers. While there are a lot of things that the Power Rangers franchise does that are beyond silly and seem absolutely ridiculous to many of us that see them as adults, the things that are presented in these shows seem absolutely incredible to their target audience. These shows are marketed towards children in case that wasn’t obvious.

Power Rangers is a nostalgic thing to watch for me and I still greatly enjoy it!

Well dear reader, I am glad we agree on that. I grew up watching Power Rangers and as time has gone on I have found that I still enjoy the monster fighting, transforming, masked heroes presented therein. There are even a number of series in the franchise that I have enjoyed even as an adult. Though as I have grown older, and in turn begun to use subtitles on everything I watch, I have developed a fascination with Asian television as a whole since it tends to feel vastly different from most of what is made available in the US. This fascination extends to tokusatsu television shows including but not limited to Super Sentai and Kamen Rider.

For those who aren’t aware, Power Rangers is actually based on the long standing Super Sentai franchise in Japan. Each week on Sunday mornings, similarly to the Saturday morning cartoons of yore, a television block called Super Hero Time airs. This consists of the most recent annual series for both Super Sentai and the annual series of another long standing series called Kamen Rider. Both of these play into the gimmick of transforming masked heroes that have a different theme with each season. Of late I have been enjoying watching episodes of each of these series with a small group of folks on Discord and let me tell you all about the joy of finally finding a group of lovely people that are interested in these series the same way I am.

Sounds like it’s time for a story. Shall we queue the “Long Ago In A Galaxy Far Far Away…” scrawl?

You know what. That sounds fun. Lets imagine this as an opening to a cinematic experience. Lets travel back to June of the COVID times, a mere six months that feels like it is 87 years ago . At this point depression had grabbed a hold of me and thrown me so deep into the pits of despair that I wasn’t sure where I was going to find a light at the end of the tunnel. I had just been through a breakup with my first girlfriend in four years, I was living at an extended stay with my father taking care of him as best as I was capable, all while sacrificing my own ability to take of myself and cope with the emotional break down that was happening as my social life and many of my friendships were falling to shambles.

Enter Kenshiro. I started interacting with Kenshiro on Twitter earlier in 2020 and saw that he posted a lot about One Piece (which I was actively catching up on at the time) and things in the tokusatsu genre. Eventually I noticed that he had posted about a small group of folx who ended up getting together on Tuesday nights to watch Sentai together. I managed to quickly, and very temporarily, overcome my social anxiety and asked if it would be possible for an invite to this group. Kenshiro had a “the more the merrier style” approach to this group and I was welcomed in with open arms. Thus beginning a journey that has lasted six months and is still going today.

I think it’s wonderful that you managed to overcome your social anxiety to get into the group, but don’t social interactions overwhelm you regardless?

Though I was able to get an invite into the server and start enjoying these watch parties with the crew, the social impact was still quite overwhelming. On any given night that we were watching Sentai shows there were between 14 and 20 people all typing (we mute our mics when we watch) at the same time and the wall of text that forms while there are four to six different discussions going on about the show was really overwhelming at first. I struggled to really feel like I belonged even though people were engaged and encouraging me with everything that I was talking about.

That all changed when Ex-Aid started up Rider Time on Thursdays. When I first joined up we were watching intermittent episodes of both Carranger and Gokaiger on Tuesdays and it was a blast. Carranger, the series that Power Rangers Turbo was based on, was easily the most 80s nonsense I’ve seen in a long time with multicolored jobber baddies that ended up being completely over the top and I loved every second of it. Eventually though we moved towards watching Gokaiger, a pirate themed anniversary season of Sentai, in its entirety. Once we moved to the stick to a single series and watch it all the way through it only made sense that someone would start up a different night for us to watch Kamen Rider.

This was originally an effort spearheaded by Ex-Aid to further the scope of the tokusatsu shows that we were watching as a group. We were running Sentai on Tuesdays, Kamen Rider on Thursdays, and Ultraman on Fridays. It was a wonderful time to have such an incredible community to surround myself with even if I was a little bit intimidated by the amount of interaction on some of the busier nights.

It sounds like a really nice time. How did you manage to overcome your social anxiety though?

Oddly enough, it came pretty natural to me when I started actually plugging myself into the Thursday night crowd. When we first began the Thursday night watch parties it started off with Kamen Rider Drive. This was a series that I had tried to get into before but never really managed to enjoy so I was a little hesitant to go through it because I didn’t think I’d enjoy it. Since we were only watching 3 episodes a week I figured I could carve out an hour and a half of my time to watch some stuff with like minded individuals even if I wasn’t the biggest fan of what we were watching. Guess what, it turns out that my gut reaction to the series was completely wrong and now I absolutely love it and am excited to revisit it when the show is a little less fresh in my mind.

The first few times I tuned in on Thursdays I was a little bit shy. I didn’t say much, I didn’t want to really engage because of the smaller atmosphere, and I sure wasn’t willing to divulge anything going on in my personal life to this new found group. Within two weeks that all changed. I began to joke around with people and participate in the call and response type stuff that we now do during opening and endings even if it’s just typing in all caps the English lyrics in the opening song.

I think the small environment really did wonders for my anxiety because since I wasn’t heavily invested at the start if I felt like I butted heads with any of the group I could have just politely backed out and stopped watching with that small group. By having this group of four to six other people instead of the routine fifteen to twenty that we were drawing on Tuesdays, in time, I felt much more comfortable putting myself out there and letting my voice and opinions be heard. In a very short time, I managed to get very comfortable with this small group and even was more confident and open during the Sentai streaming on Tuesdays with the larger group as well.

Though I absolutely adore the entirety of this community that has been built surrounding both One Piece and tokusatsu shows as a whole, I particularly enjoy the time that I’ve spent with my very own Kamen Rider Club!

Kamen Rider Club?! Frankly that sounds a little childish when worded like that.

It kind of does, doesn’t it? It is what we in the Thursday night crew call ourselves. It is also a reference to what the main cast of Kamen Rider Fourze call themselves. One thing that this weekly gathering of the fans has taught me it is that its okay to enjoy childish things. I’ve even bought myself some of the toys that have come from various Kamen Rider series as I have seen them during our very own show and tell segment where we all showed off our collectibles and various toys. So while yes show and tell is a bit of a childish thing to do it brought joy to our little group. The amount of serotonin I have generated in the last few weeks by playing with the aforementioned toys is astounding. Getting in touch with my inner child and remembering that it is actually rather fun to play pretend has been a real delight.

As adults, we often work ourselves day in and day out to take care of mundane tasks that are essential to our survival. We wake up, go to work, come home, make or order some dinner, eat, and then get ready for bed. I’ve chosen to add finding happiness in doing the things I wasn’t able to do as a kid to the list. Staying up late to find that next save point in a game, buying toys neither myself or my family could afford as a kid, watching nostalgic b movies that brought me some joy as a child, and following along with all the tokusatsu shows my heart can desire are just a few ways I’ve managed to embrace my inner child and cater to my own personal and emotional needs in doing so. There is nothing wrong with being a little childish from time to time. Doing this has introduced me to so many people that I never would have met otherwise.

It really does sound like you’ve managed to build yourself a group of friends here. Isn’t it pretty cool what can happen when you trust that others aren’t going to have your worst interest in mind.

You’re right. I let some people in and was actually surprised with the results. I absolutely adore this little crowd I’ve got. They have all done so much for me without ever realizing it and I am beyond appreciative. Ex-Aid started the KRC on Thursday nights and drops some incredible trivia all over the place. OOO and I have a ton in common and they are an absolute delight to talk to. I am always excited to see them pop into a conversation on the Discord because we tend to have a similar line of thought and form of humor we do have some differences in personal taste that account for unique perspectives and I absolutely love hearing about them. Epsilon and I both are not afraid to make lewd jokes about what we are watching. Tastefully of course. … Most of the time. Epsilon has also offered to be a conversation partner as I continue to get back to my study of the Japanese language! Zi-O has managed to convince me to revisit series I had otherwise written off because I didn’t think they would be of interest, but they managed to sell me on them so I now have an expansive list of series that I want to watch and a planned order to revisit them. Kiva and I aren’t particularly close as I haven’t done much to actually talk to them, but I’m excited to see things develop more in that regard because they seem like a really fun person to talk to. Finally there is Chaser. They are our newest member of our Thursday night group and they have managed to have me laugh so hard I’ve done spit takes. I appreciate each and every one of our little Kamen Rider Club more than words can ever say.

Quick aside and mushy feelings bit here, but if any the KRC are reading this I want you to know that you all have absolutely made 2020 better for me. We’ve had an incredible amount of laughs together. We’ve seen each other through being both happy and sad. Frankly, you all have reminded me that I do have people who I can call friends on days where I didn’t think there was anyone who wanted anything to do with me. I appreciate you, I absolutely adore each of you, and words can not express my gratitude for the warm welcome that I have received into this lovely community. You all have helped me grow as a person in ways that I didn’t expect going into this group. Shaking off my depression blues and finding confidence to embrace my love of these silly kids shows has been in large part thanks to you all. I love you all. Thank you.

Outside of our usual Thursday crew there are so many more people in this community that have put a smile on my face and some joy in my heart, but there is one other person that I would like to take a moment to express some gratitude for. Scipio was one of the first people I actually felt comfortable bantering with in the Tuesday community before the creation of our Rider Time segment on Thursday. They had an incredibly warm and friendly demeanor about them and naturally I didn’t mind bantering with them during the Sentai watch parties. After a while I followed them on Twitter and recently I reached out to them there and they were willing and able to listen to me when I was feeling overwhelmed about the state of chaos in my life and that alone solidified my feeling of being appreciated inside of this community. Thank you Scipio for taking the time to support a stranger and make them feel like they are a part of something bigger.

I’m so glad that you managed to find these people. It seems like they are really helping you in a lot of ways.

They truly are. The joy of it is that they aren’t even doing anything special. They are simply treating me like a comrade and that alone has done wonders for my self esteem. This year has been among the most challenging in my entire life for a myriad of reasons and just having this community to be a part of has honestly saved my life. I don’t know where I would be without them, but I do know that I would be a lot worse off.

So to wrap things up here for today I want to challenge my readers to do two things. Firstly take a moment to appreciate the people in your life that make you happy. If you feel inclined to tell them how much you appreciate them that’s great. If you just take a moment to reflect on it that’s great too. Secondly, I want to challenge everyone to embrace the things that might embarrass you if you talked about it to your friends with more conservative interests. Embrace the wild things that you enjoy. Don’t let anyone take the joy that these things bring you away. Finally as a reminder to all of you, you are stronger than you think, you are beautiful, and by goodness you are worth it. Lets go into this week ready to kick some butt and join some fandoms.

#tokusatsu #inner child #friendship #fandom #Mental Health Awareness #depression #coping mechanism #watch party #appreciation post #Kamen Rider #Super Sentai

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freakypumpkin · 4 years

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Just wanting to continue that discussion on naming Malec naming the baby Max. Some parents see it as a way to honor their loved ones and for their memory to live on in the continuation of the name. For some, this backfires horribly and the parent realizes they haven't really processed as well as they thought so they are constantly reminded of their loss and it comes out against the child. Others don't experience this. 1/3

They may from time to time think about their loved one, but I think everyone has those days where a memory hits them unexpectedly as that's just a part of grief. That's a risk some people take. Even giving a child the middle name of a living relative, you are taking that risk should something happen. It is up to the parents to make sure the child knows they don't have to live up to anyone. And in this scenario, with Max dying so young, the baby really doesn't have a memory to live up to. 2/3

I understand some people can't take that risk with names, but there are people who understand what are they doing. I don't think it's bad to name a child after a loved one dead or alive as long as you understand that they are not that person and don't treat them as if they are. I don't know if all that makes sense but I really just wanted to get another perspective involved in the discussion. Thanks for reading my long message. 3/3

Hey there, this probably relates to this post I made a while ago and ... okay.

Something, that maybe didn't come across well in my original post is, that I don’t judge anybody for however they use names of dead relative or living ones, or second names. I personally don’t like it in real life for personal emotional reasons. I also don’t like it in media, or it has to be done ridiculously well for me to work.

Now, the thing with Max has several levels: - in media, I feel like it’s a cheap tearjerker move, a cheat for getting emotional involvement of the consumer without doing the work (which imo is an ongoing theme with CC) - in the Shadowhunters Chronicles or however the franchise is called by now specifically, I personally don’t like the choice, because it’s like using the warlock child as a replacement for Max Lightwood (whose death was a whole other level of bad writing imo) then it went on with naming the second child Rafael Santiago and it just became a gimmick (I could probably write a separate essay about how CC fumbled the whole Malec adoption thing, but I won’t because it’s not good for my health)

- as an objective point for the case of writing a franchise with many characters in general, I simply don’t think that reusing names in such close proximity is the smartest move (I’d rather go for using it as a second name, so you don’t oversaturate the name)

Final point:

You’re free to have your opinion, you can find it bad or good, you can like CC’s execution or not, I put no judgement on these things in any way. However I about stopped my involvement in the fandom after finishing my final paper/thesis(?) for my bachelor’s degree, so everything I posted about TMI and CC and the show, I think, is about 3 to 4 years old.

I don’t mean to be rude and I’m not angry for people replying to my posts or sending me asks, but I’d appreciate it if you’d check the date of something that was posted (through clicking the three little dots at the top of a post). I made my peace with this franchise (as in I moved on from it) and it’s not an active conversation for me anymore.

#askbox stuff #personal opinion stuff #max lightwood bane #anti cc

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mirandagoing4baroque · 4 years

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Field of Streams: Rodelinda at the Met, Over Breakfast

I had intended for my next post to be all of my opinions about that staged Handel Messiah, because lord knows (pun intended) I have enough of them to fill several blog posts and then some. But then the Met announced that it was making one of its streams this week Rodelinda, so I’m shuffling some things around.

Finally, the Metropolitan Opera has deigned to throw us some crumbs of Handel opera, more than three months into these daily streams. They have chosen, from the few Handel operas that have ever been performed at the Met (five total, and only a three in the HD era), to begin with Rodelinda. I had seen this recording before, but unfortunately at the time it was performed at the Met I was in college in Chicago, so I couldn’t make a trip to see it live. That was the season I got to see Rinaldo at the Lyric Opera, so it wasn’t all bad.

There is a lot I like about this production. As I have complained before, when large houses put on Handel opera, there can be a temptation to resort to gimmick, to update the story, or to engage in some other shenanigans. This production rose to the grandeur of the house without sacrificing its core identity. Both the costume and sets were classic and tasteful. I suppose I should really say ‘set’ singular, because, from the audience’s point of view, there was only one large set piece that moved from side to side like a level of Super Mario Brothers, to reveal different aspects of the palace.

In the interviews with the director and the actors during the intermission, the importance of continuity of action was mentioned multiple times, both in relation to the scenery, and to the action taking place upon it. I couldn’t agree more. Keeping the on stage action moving is so important when staging Handel operas, especially in the de capo arias. Yes the words are repeating, and the music is similar, but there has to be a change--the character should have changed, or be expressing a new, but related concept. I love this staging and would like to see more staging of Handel operas that are more like it.

There’s a lot of historical backstory that really doesn’t matter all that much for the plot of Rodelinda, so I’m gonna give you the short version. Rodelinda is the queen of Lombardy. Grimoaldo has come to usurp the throne of her husband, the king. He kills the king’s brother, and the king has fled and is presumed dead. As part of the negotiations Grimoaldo has agreed to marry Eduige, the king’s sister, to legitimize his claim to the throne. As the opera begins, Grimoaldo comes to Rodelinda and her son and announces that he has changed his mind--he is in love with, and would prefer to marry, Rodelinda rather than Eduige. Rodelinda tells him to go pound sand. Eduige tries to bribe Garibaldo, Grimoaldo’s thumb headed henchman (this isn’t confusing at all), to kill Grimoaldo. Meanwhile, Unulfo, the king’s plucky sidekick, has received word that the king is in fact alive (this should surprise no one who has even a passing familiarity with opera plots).

The king, dressed as a commoner, is hiding in the stables. Aforementioned stables are conveniently right by the king’s “grave,” which Rodelinda is visiting, so he can see all of what is about to transpire. Garibaldo (the henchman, not the usurper), comes to Rodelinda and says that unless she marries Grimoaldo, they will kill her son. She says that Garibaldo should send word to Grimoaldo that she will agree to marry him. The king, who has been watching, despairs that his wife has forgotten him so quickly.

Rodelinda tells Grimoaldo (the usurper, not the henchman), that she will marry him on the condition that he kill her son in front of her with his own hands, proving him to be a brute, and the marriage to be a sham. Grimoaldo cannot do it, despite Garibaldo’s urging. Unulfo takes Rodelinda to see her husband, and the king begs forgiveness for doubting her. However the joyful reunion is interrupted by Grimoaldo and the king is taken captive. Eduige and Unulfo help the king escape by smuggling a sword into the cell where he is being held.

Grimoaldo is tired and settles in for a nap. Meanwhile Garibaldo is fed up with Grimoaldo’s unwillingness to kill small children, and decides to level up his evil by killing the sleeping Grimoaldo. But just as he is about to strike the murderous blow, the escaped king intervenes to save the usurper’s life. Grimoaldo awakes, and, in gratitude, he yields the throne of Lombardy back to the rightful king and everyone rejoices.

Yes, that was the “short version.” And okay, yeah, it’s kinda ridiculous, but you could do worse (looking at you, Il Trovatore). As for the music, let’s start with Renee Fleming, who headlined the show, playing Rodelinda. There’s a lot to like about her voice, but I would have liked a clearer sound throughout, and especially at the top of her range. The trills were good but I would have preferred more fluid runs. The ornamentation was fine, but not mind blowing. Her acting was poignant, especially in her scenes with her son.

The king was played by Andreas Scholl. As readers will remember, I often find the countertenor voice reedy, and unfortunately that was the case here. But I found his acting moving, and in all other respects I have no complaints. However, of the two countertenors in this production, I think Iestyn Davies, who played Unulfo, stole the show right out from under the king. Davies’ voice was clear and fluid in every aria. He played a character that tends towards the Captain America/Pollyanna with depth and nuance. This was apparently his Met debut, and regular readers will remember him from many other performances I have reviewed on this blog. I almost always find him delightful.

I enjoyed Joseph Kaiser’s Grimoaldo (the usurper, not the henchman). His tenor voice was lovely, and he portrayed the indecisive king well. Now that I think of it, the plot of Rodelinda can be described as Hamlet, but Claudio (the villain), Fortinbras (the invader) Hamlet (the angsty prince) are all the same character. I would certainly like to hear him again. I thought his Prigioniera ho l’alma was a particular highlight. Garibaldo, (the henchman) was played capably by Shenyang, who had a lovely rich bass. He was effectively menacing throughout the show. It is not his fault that the character of Garibaldo is an over the top villain who is hard to take seriously.

Stephanie Blythe is at the top of my list of “people I haven’t yet seen sing Handel live, but I really really want to.” Her arias were period appropriate, and her voice was graceful and powerful. She also blended beautifully with the orchestra. The Met orchestra was in fine form under Harry Bicket--the instrumental sections were sublime, and the tempos chosen perfectly so the dance rhythms shone, but never stagnated. Handel opera does not need to be done on the scale of the Metropolitan opera, but I love to see it on such a big stage. I hope some people tuned in to this excellent stream and discovered the wonder of baroque opera for themselves.

#rodelinda #handel #opera #baroque #Met Opera #going4baroque

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

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@seekingxanadu

LOL I think you and I aren’t likely to ever agree on the subject of Jason’s role in the show, xanadu, as I actually like him being present and would enjoy seeing him end up more integrated into the team in the future. Yeah, there are a lot more classic Titans that they still haven’t gotten to, but IMO there’s a lot of reasons for that (like Wally and Roy currently being used elsewhere, Vic with the Doom Patrol, others perhaps ‘on hold’ because there’s always any number of projects or potential projects in the works that aren’t even announced to the public yet, etc).

Personally, I think its likely Jason’s role in the show and mythology has been expanded instead of introducing more Titans in his place for the same reason Hawk and Dove are here despite never being hugely present in Titans stories for the most part: they’re cheap.

Like tbh, that plays SO much more of a role than most people realize with shows like this, where budget concerns are constantly an issue, and special effects tend to carry the highest price tags. As far as the showrunners are likely concerned, the more they can bring in non-powered characters and give them screentime, the better....because it saves money.

For that matter, superhero projects belonging to the various live action shared universes love to cheat special effects whenever and wherever possible....and roster choices are absolutely made with an eye towards if any existing properties produced by the same companies have special effects that can be repurposed and used with other characters. Like, creating the special effect for the first time tends to be the most expensive part by far, whereas its often relatively simple and cheap to reuse it in a variety of ways....so they all like to do this as much as possible.

Just as an example, take the X-Men movies (sorry if they’re unfamiliar to you, they’re just the instances I can speak to as a sure example of this).....to most people, a LOT of the mutant characters used in the various films seem random as hell....like Azazel in First Class, and Sunspot in DOFP, etc. Thing is...those two and other characters were picked primarily because of the special effects. Azazel’s similarities to Nightcrawler wasn’t a coincidence, it was the point. The studio already had the special effect they’d created for Kurt’s teleportation power signature, and it’d been easily one of the most positively received and talked about special effects of the original trilogy....so they wanted to use it more. Cheap and easy, compared to making new ones for characters with entirely different powers. So by making Azazel one of the primary villains, they just used Kurt’s special effects and gave it a slightly different tint. Same thing with Riptide, Shaw’s other henchman in that movie....totally random choice given he’s never been remotely associated with the Hellfire Club and what they showed in the movie isn’t even really how his powers work in the comics...but the way they portrayed him in the movies allowed them to reuse some of the tornado effects they’d created for Storm in the original trilogy. Havok’s power displays were just repackaged versions of Cyclops’ special effects, and for Sunspot in DOFP they just reused stuff they’d developed in the original trilogy for Pyro...even though again, what Sunspot was shown doing in that movie isn’t remotely how his power works in the comics.

So like....this is a very very big consideration for studios with any and all superhero projects, both film and TV...its why WB picks nonpowered characters to center TV projects around whenever possible, like Arrow and Batwoman and the reason Hawk and Dove were referenced as being looked at for a possible spin-off pretty much since Titans started...and its not a coincidence that the Flash was the first superpowered character they chose to expand their TV universe with, as superspeed has always been one of the cheaper effects to create (its also why Smallville utilized Clark’s superspeed even more often than it did his superstrength). Same thing why when picking another ‘powered hero’ to add to Arrow early on, they went with Ray Palmer and gave him basically just an Iron Man style suit to start...because even when they eventually had him develop his shrinking power....again, super cheap. Size changing effects just involve shooting a lot of different takes using scale models or messing with proportions in post. Compared to what’s required for a lot of DC’s more high profile heroes....that costs nothing to do.

Odds are, Jason was originally introduced in S1 purely because they could use him to advance Dick’s solo storylines in ways very few other characters could allow for, given a key point of Dick’s story arc in becoming Nightwing over the course of two seasons has revolved around touching on where he’s been and come from, and how he’s now grown past that. To really make the most of that, you need something connected to his past, to Batman, and given its notoriously difficult and complicated to secure approval to use Bruce in any and all live action projects, with the sheer volume of different people you need to get on board with it....Jason was a much easier alternative.

And then once he was relatively well received, they jumped on the chance to expand his role because he enabled them to expand their core cast of characters without dramatically inflating their budget at the same time. Just like that’s why Hank and Dawn were never going anywhere any time soon.

So tbh....he’s very likely not taking anything away from any other Titans’ chances of appearing...since the same hurdles and reasons to take it slow are still there for a lot of the other characters. After Arrow ends, it might be a different story with that freeing up Roy to start making appearances...and who knows with Wally because even though he plays an entirely different version of Wally, bet you anything they’re waiting to be sure Keiynan is definitively done playing Kid Flash or the Flash show is for sure never going to bring him back, before considering either Wally for use elsewhere. Like, I know he already said he was done playing Wally but actors change their minds, so I doubt anyone in the studios took that as an immediate green-light to launch a new Wally project elsewhere.

This almost certainly played a factor in their killing off Garth in just his first appearance....water effects are notoriously hard to make look convincing, and this one’s on the writers too given that I bet people in the writers’ room in general weren’t pushing really hard to make Garth a core character for the show....a lot of TV writers reeeeeally hate trying to write for characters who are intrinsically affiliated with say, the ocean, if they’re not otherwise an ocean-themed show already.....because its just another version of why a lot of comic book writers say they have a hard time showcasing Arthur in JLA books, due to a lot of his most thematic abilities being so location dependent. (I mean, personally I say in both cases this is just a lack of imagination and not a good excuse for not using Garth or Arthur more, lol, but like, it is what it is. This tendency among writers as is still already exists).

And the DC expanded universe and which production companies are affiliated with which properties and studios and stations and all that is a huge complicated mess, so I’m not even going to try tracing the connections to verify for sure, but I’d be willing to bet Titans has access to either some of Supergirl’s special effects or some of Superman’s movie special effects or both (or possibly just to Superman special effects developed for various projects that have come and gone over the years without ever making it to completion). Either way, bet you anything that has as much to do with the decision to introduce Superboy into this particular ensemble, as does just them wanting to have a Super-family character in the mix and Superboy was next on the list, not already being used elsewhere.

*Shrugs* But yeah. Never underestimate the power of the dime even with something as fundamental as picking a core roster. Actually, ESPECIALLY with something that fundamental, since that’s the foundation any and all budget concerns spring from. As much as I love the original Judas Contract storyline, I’m not at all bothered to see Rose kinda shoehorned into Terra’s role in a truncated variation of it here....because first, that story’s been adapted a ton in a variety of different ways, so its not really a huge loss to not have it fully adapted again, but second.....its less likely that Rose took Terra’s role here and more likely that Terra was never remotely an option for the show given how ridiculously expensive her powers would be to render well....so they looked at what else they could make fit a similar role and decided hey, why not bring Rose into this as well, even though she’s not primarily associated with this generation of characters?

And Joey was obviously always a strong candidate to add to the cast as early as this, of course. My bet is other than possibly Roy, depending on WB’s overall plans for him, like, I would guess the next most likely Titans to show up/be added to the cast are Lilith, Mal and/or Karen. Telepathy’s cheap and easy to gimmick up some power signature for.....tbh, I wouldn’t be surprised if the only reason Lil HASN’T shown up yet is because they’ve been saving her for after the Jericho storyline is done, given that her powers would cut through all the stakes and suspense and reveal Joey was riding shotgun in Slade’s head from the very first time the Titans encountered Deathstroke this season. For that matter, it’d be extremely difficult to write her as not sensing the sheer chaos going through Dick’s mind this entire season and cutting off that storyline early, and it does seem they’ve known exactly where they wanted to go with Dick this whole time so I can easily see them having decided early on they viewed this as a necessary part of his evolution into Nightwing, and Lil’s mere presence would throw a spanner in those works.

And as for Mal and Karen, again, the shrinking powerset is relatively easy to pull off and its likely more just not wanting to invest in Karen’s suit/flight just yet that’s been the delay there, and Mal’s sonic powers OR his teleportation powers are both relatively easy and cheap.

And of course, other non-powered characters not usually affiliated with the Titans are always a possibility. I’d put money on freaking Golden Eagle being a more likely contender to show up than some of the other powered Titans, for that matter.

Anyway, just my industry take on the matter in general, lol. You know I’d always be for Jason as a Titan as I think he would have ended up one eventually if he hadn’t died when he did, and I’d love to have just one adaptation that doesn’t stick to his death and Red Hood storyline. He doesn’t need it to be an interesting character, just good writing. Its not like Bruce or Dick are definitively chained to one specific storyline outside of their own origin stories, so no reason Jason should have to be either. (And honestly, in line with everything I was talking about here......IMO the nonpowered characters are always a degree safer from being killed off than the powered characters. Doesn’t mean they’re ever totally safe, and it doesn’t mean the show’s necessarily ‘at capacity’ for powered/expensive characters already, but at a certain point the cast list likely will end up sticking with just the powered characters they have until one of those powered characters is killed or otherwise written off...before adding another ‘expensive’ character to take their place.)

But yeah, anyway, lol. Don’t know if that might make you a little more positively inclined to Jason taking up a slot on the show....all things considered, I truly doubt that it was ever a case of them picking to make Jason a series regular OVER adding another classic Titans character in that place instead. It really is more likely IMO that the cast list we have this season was more or less already otherwise in place and they just looked at things and said “we can’t really afford to introduce an additional character on top of the other ones we want to add already this season, like Joey, Slade, etc, and especially not one with special effects heavy powers...BUT we can bring Jason in as more of a presence in the ensemble and bump him up to series regular without too much trouble.”

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harusha · 4 years

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What are your top pokemon games??

Official or fangame? I’ll just list both. I will say Pokemon Reborn is my top-rated overall if we combine both lists (with HGSS and Collesseum/XD following as 2 and 3 respectively.)

On Official, it’s

1. Heartgold/Soulsilver (My favorite region is Johto, and Ethan is my favorite Pokemon protagonist so…unsurprising. The games are still genuinely good though imo because of the massive amount of content and post-game and QoL stuff like following Pokemon, auto-run, etc.) I also love the nostalgic feeling of the region. Lance is also here, and I like him and his design a lot, not as much as Volkner though. Also Proton is here, and I love the dude so. Pedometer is included here.

2. Pokemon Colosseum/Pokemon XD; I include this together since they’re a duo set in terms of story. XD is the better one gameplay-wise because of the new additions of Shadow moves, more Pokemon choices, QoL changes like saving, etc. but Colosseum is the harder of the two games imo b/c of the sparsity of Pokemon–if you can play it on laptop, mod XD with Pokemon XG for massive QoL changes (Fairy Type, more shadow Pokemon, upped difficulty, etc.)

I like how this set tries new stuff and it honestly showcases how if you the Pokemon IP to a third-party, you end up with something that tries to be different and actually plays pretty well.

3. Pokemon BWBW2; included as a set because of joint story line. Honestly, I feel like BWBW2 are objectively the last great mainline series additions. Even if you didn’t care for the story, they at least tried with it and the rivals. You had the nice rival in Bianca and the “focused/ruder” rival in Cheren, and both encompassed the themes of the game (Truth with Bianca as she realizes her ineptness as a trainer and Ideals with Cheren who strives to overcome his boundaries and the player even if he never can). N is pretty awesome, and I think Ghetsis is a better Lusamine (sorry, idc for how Lusamine’s actions are brushed over and blamed on the space jellyfish). There’s a lot to enjoy in Unova imo.

Also massive post-game stuff like Join Avenue (which encourages one of the main tenets of Pokemon, interacting with others and trading; ex. “Magnemite Coil”), half the region opening up for Post-game (White Treehollow, Kyurem’s abode, etc.). The Legendaries also have home locations for the most part, and their items aren’t just given to you by random people. A lot of stuff to do that isn’t just breeding mindlessly for shinies (I mean I love doing that, but options ya know?) or online battle.

4. Pokemon Conquest; Fire Emblem (or more accurately, Nobunaga’s ambition) meets Pokemon. I like turn-based grid tactic games, and this one’s actually pretty fun. You’re encouraged to roam around and give people different Pokemon to see which ones they’re compatible with. Also another example of what can be done if Pokemon is given to a another developer.

5. Pokemon Explores of Sky (and to a lesser extent since it’s the base, Time/Darkness); you can swap this with Colloseum/XD, BWBW2 or Pokemon Conquest depending on if you prefer Pokemon’s style of play, tactics games, or dungeon crawlers. I like this one since the story’s actually pretty good, the difficulty’s nice, and especially the post-game dungeons and content.

6. Pokemon Platinum and Diamond+Pearl to a lesser extent– the region that actually has a reasonably difficult Elite Four and champion. I love the additions they have like distortion world, the melancholic feel you get at times in the Chateau area and snowfields, and the post-game Battle Frontier. However, the games run so slow without Drayano’s mods. In terms of husbandos, Volkner’s pretty nice as well, and he’s pretty high-tier for me. Cynthia’s here as well, so I guess she counts since she’s a feature every time she shows up.

7. Pokemon FRLG-The definite version of Kanto for me. Sevii Islands, callbacks (callforwards?) to the Johto games with the Rocket Admins, decent difficulty and ability to sequence break somewhat, etc. It gives new experiences for those who’ve played the OG versions, but doesn’t change them drastically. The “you can’t evolve anything outside of the OG 151 before post-game” is stupid though. Lance is here as well, but his half Dragonite/Dragonair team annoys me b/c of how repetitive it is, but product of the time as well and the HGSS first battle had that as well but at least they’re all evolved.

8. Pokemon Red/Blue Rescue Team-I like this one since the story’s still good and incorporates the idea of a human being transported to a Pokemon world, but I just feel like Sky’s gameplay improvements and portraits for everyone trumps this one. I like Gengar a lot and his team. I also think the difficulty on this one (depending on starter and partner) is fairly good at times (The Moltres fight is actually pretty difficult if you don’t have Pikachu or a water type partner).

9. Pokemon Emerald and to a lesser extent Ruby/Sapphire–Battle Frontier, Scott and Smeargle cave (ie. post-game content), beautiful promotional artwork (including ORAS’s), fairly difficult battles at time if you aren’t prepared/going in blind with no excessive grinding (2nd May battle, Flannery, etc.), hidden secrets like Regis and Secret Bases. However, the latter half is so boring with the excessive surfing and lackluster variety. Steven’s here, and he’s a dreamboat even with the sprite graphics.

10. Pokemon Channel and Hey you, Pikachu!-Weird I know. This would be higher if I didn’t think this was a niche pick. It’s just really relaxing, and I want another one, especially if you can get more Pokemon to raise. It’s a lot more fun once you play it. I like exploring with Pikachu and it offers a look into the world of Pokemon as a non-trainer. I really want another one tbh.

11. Pokemon Rangers series (Ranked from favorite to lowest; Shadows of Almia–>OG–>Guardian Signs; all are good but that’s my preference) The gameplay is actually pretty fun, and I wish we got another one. They could use Joycons as a styler. Spencer, Sven, and Lunick are also pretty cute

12. Pokken Tournament- What battles should feel like in mainline if they injected millions of dollars into the mainline, so unrealistic expectation. I think Pokken is a decent fighting game. The moves are nice, and the music is good. This can go lower if you don’t care for fighting games.

13. Pokemon Battle Revolution and Stadium games-They’re mostly battle simulators with some mini-games. The animations are actually pretty lively and fun compared to SWSH’s. I would like to rank this higher, but there is no story mode sadly. It’s great if you want to see what Pokemon would look like in-scale.

14. Pokemon X/Y-I think these are actually pretty nice if only for the fact there isn’t excessive handholding; it’s there but it doesn’t force me to put down the game out of boredom. The outfits are genuinely pretty cute. However, the rivals are ridiculously terrible, difficulty is either too low or unbalanced if you use/turn off exp. share. Let’s put ORAS here as well b/c I think the lack of Battle Frontier and mediocre post-game, getting Lati@s early, etc. drops it down from Emerald. The PSS system is amazing though.

15. Pokemon Trozei and Pokemon Pinball series-Yeah, I’ve played these. Trozei’s actually pretty cool as a match-3 game, and pinball is pinball. You also get slightly more lore into the Pokemon world with Lucy Fleetfoot. I like match-3 and pinball so very much a YMMV. Pop Gates to Infinity and Super Mystery Dungeon here as well. Idk, they just lack the magic of the first two entries.

16. Pokemon Snap, Pokemon Dash, all the other spin-offs I didn’t talk about-they all offer something fun, but I just wish it was either updated for modern times and not released again (like with Snap) or a bit more (in the case of Detective Pikachu and Pokepark series). Pop Puzzle League games here as well. I like them, but they aren’t much besides Tetris games. Same goes for the Pokemon Trading Card games; they’re nice, but not super great imo.

???. Pokemon Box/Ranch/all the other storage games and stuff like Dream Radar-Idk what you’d want me to say since they’re storage space or gimmick games to catch HA Pokemon. You do get Extremespeed Zigzagoon which I love since the little buggers are very adorable.

Bottom Tier. Pokemon SM and USUM. I hate these games. They’re cash grabs (more so than usual) with being $40 a piece and the updated versions being barely changed (and actually feeling like what should have been released first). Incredibly handholding, areas feel half-baked, lacks areas to explore for the most part, Lillie is kinda annoying for me tbh (which hurts because you’re supposed to feel for her and the game’s story hinges on that), and the player is an actual detriment to what they’re trying to achieve story-wise. A big shame b/c Alola is a pretty region and Team Skull is great in concept, but execution is awful. Stated as someone who has bought all 4 versions to keep, and 2 extras for gifting.

Absolute Bottom Tier- Pokemon Masters, incredibly terrible mobage game coming from someone who plays FGO, FEH, etc. lack of meaningful content, grinding but meaningless b/c of said lack of content (ex. FGO gates you with mats but it makes you feel like you’re growing with your servants and offers a story and events to compensate; basically, a sense of achievement). CO-OP is pretty bad when you can just hop over to GBF or something if you want guilds and group content. I’m still gonna wait for Ethan and Volkner to appear though.

Unrated-OG RBGY and OG GSC (the remakes are superior outside of nostalgia factor imo so I think it’d be unfair for them to take a spot), LGPE (didn’t buy them b/c pricing but the colors are vibrant and I love that), SWSH (didn’t buy them because I have opinions on the cuts and stuff and price point doesn’t look appealing for what’s offered), Pokemon Mini (these were included with Pokemon Channel), Magikarp Jump+Duel (Duel was a cash grab and Magikarp Jump is cute but no real opinion on it), Pokemon Go (weird spot where I like it, but I don’t live in an area with safe walking areas so very much area-dependent), Arcade games (I don’t live in Japan for that), Perdue Farm games (they’re flash games made to promote so…), Pokemon Rumble (enjoyable but not memorable for me imo) etc.

Fangames-

1. Pokemon Reborn-150+ hours of content, visible themes that permeate the story and characters, beautiful spritework for some of the areas, intuitive usage of TMs/HMs and some logic (ex. Field Effects that emulate anime battling in turn-based rpg such as Corrosive Field; using Rock Smash to break the glass in some areas to solve puzzles, etc.), actual difficulty that hinges on how much you understand Pokemon (ex. IVs, stats, EVs, etc.) that’s fair but still difficult, puzzles and rewards for exploring and coming back to areas, etc. Fantastic game that I wish Gamefreak had attempted to emulate (perhaps not the darker themes but the ambition basically). Has some kinks with the revolving door of characters and such but still fantastic. Also offers custom shiny sprites, custom egg sprites, and online play like Wonder Trade and battling.

2. Pokemon Rocket Edition-Not done but I think this is a fantastic hack so far story-wise and how it implements its mechanics. You’re a Rocket Grunt, but you aren’t OP. It deals with the politics behind Kanto and Team Rocket. Still being worked on.

3. Pokemon Viridian Version-Another “play as a Rocket” game. Funny yet still can be serious; it takes the tone of the anime and understands when to be serious and when to not be. It feels like it would fit into the canon tone-wise, and deconstructs the “it’s cool to be a Rocket!” thing.

4. Pokemon Gaia-Excellent and a huge callback to classic Pokemon in story. It’s an OG region and offers a lot to do.

5. Drayano hacks- QoL updates but his work actually adds a lot to the games+new events.

Anyways, that’s my list. There’s a lot of Pokemon content, but this is how I feel for the most part.

#long post #i will say Piers is high tier husbando though

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borisbubbles · 5 years

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Eurovision 2010: 35 - 31

35. KEiiNO - “Spirit in the sky” Norway 2019

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During the preshow I posited that "Spearwhil” would be the Rasmussen but as it turned out-

I HEAR YOU CALLING ME AT NIGHT

No, Tom NOT NOW!!! I’m in the middle of my sentence. 🙄 Wait your turn Anyway, it turned out that ‘the Rasmussen’ really ought to be called ‘the KEiiNO’. Observe this Michal-esque rise up the scoreboard:

OutSzpak’ing Spzak. 😍 Let’s be honest though, it was-

I HEAR YOU CALLING ME AT NI-

- COMPLETELY DESERVED TOO. Fred was especially great, who delivered EPIC yoik solo that I am sure won KEiiNO the televote on the spot. 😍

This particularly pleases me because I was worried Tom & Alexandra (who are both very good performers) would take the spotlight away from Fred, but no did the weakest link pre-show turned not only turn out to be the strongest one, but he was arguable the single strongest performer of finale night. SO PROUD OF THEM ANGELS. 😍 Let us all sing along

*cough* I said, “let us all sing along”

...

(k Tom, now is ur cue)

I HEAR YOU CALLING ME AT NIIIIIGHT

THE NORTHERN LIGHTS ARE DANCING

HÅ LA HEI LOI LÅ

A lot of the criticism from KEiiNO comes from your typical value-seekers who can only enjoy themselves in public if their shallow trash comes coated in a thick layer of novelty gimmicks and Deep Meaning, so they don’t have to admit to others and themselves than they tune in to have fun, like everyone else. There’s nothing wrong with novelty gimmicks & the like, but applying that standard to everything is taking it a tad too far. Sometimes, simplicity is key and that’s exactly what KEiiNO were: unpretentious, highly-addictive EDM adorned with epic yoiking. 😍

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34. Gianluca - “Tomorrow” Malta 2013

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"Tomorrow” is, to use Gianluca’s own words, a curious delight: I always, always, always forget about it. Then I rewatch 2013 as I do at least once per year, and each time it’s like a Céline Dion song IT’S ALL COMING BACK TO ME and I’m in love again. 😍 “Tomorrow” is such a clever twist of the typical love song by telling the story from the THIRD PERSON PERSPECTIVE by an all-knowing narrator. It’s world’s merriest audiobook. 😍

Naturally, this works because Gianluca has TONS of charisma. He’s one of the most magnetic humans ever on a Eurovision Stage?

It’s hard to believe that he ages like the rest of us, I’d assume he was birthed fully formed and clothed, at age thirteen, in whatever rests at the end of a Neverlandian rainbow.

“Tomorrow” could’ve so easily been one of those “Annoyingly Positive songs”, but because he’s so relentlessly jolly, Gianluca injects “Tomorrow” with limitless happy energy, enough to melt the polar icecaps. I am happy that I don’t revisit Gianluca between watches, as I do with others, because each time I rediscover him it’s like finding a four-leaf-clover. 🍀

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33. Elitsa Todorova & Stoyan Yankoulov - “Samo shampioni” Bulgaria 2013

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IMA LI MLADI? IMA LI LYUDI? TSYALO SELO DOIDE PEITE NE SE BOITE

Let us continue with one of the most glorious trainwrecks EVER in Eurovision. 😍 Of course, this being the GOD-tier the severity of wreckage (aka the Sennek Factor) is even higher than normal. In the case of “Samo shampioni” the messiness began DURING THE PRESELECTIONS. 😍 Okay you may not remember or know this backstory, so allow me to enlighten you:

Okay, so *initially* BNT selected Elitsa & Stoyan and for some reason decided to hold an NF: They introduced: first a terrible rapbomination, second a boring ethnoballad (think Iriao + percussion) and then pulled out an experimental fusion of ethnic bagpipes, polyphonic singing and dubstep, which Elitsa openly pointed as her favourite. 😍 Obviously, the audience had to choose for the latter? NOPE The audience chose the iriao-esque ballad 😍 and in one of the most hilariously open displays of riggage, LESS THAN A DAY AFTER THE NF (and after Elitsa allegedly threw a huge backstage temper tantrum threatening to withdraw LMFAO), BNT produced a statement that was all like “well. we can’t send “Kismet”. 🤓 You see... it has come under our attention that... the songwriter from Argentina (lmao) can’t agree to the copyright terms we demanded of him 🤓but that’s fine because it means we can send “SAMO SHAMPIONI” instead 😊‘ <3333333333333333333333456789 who the fuck is Christer Björkman, fucking NOBODY that’s who. And of course, once “Samo Shampioni” finally got to Malmö it was an utter disaster. 😍 I say "disaster” in the best meaning of the word though. I LOVE when countries showcase their musical traditions, but Elitsa and Stoyan do it so aggressively, BLASTING the unassuming viewer with loud af bagpipe noises, following it up with a menuet of polyphony, a clarion of “AAAAAAAAAAAA-YUUUU” and a finale of dubstep and mayumaniacal percussion. “Samo Sampioni” was loud, abrasive, a clamour of ethnic noise but by the same token such a catchy, infectuous, delightful fucking BOP. No surprise it got jurypwned but it was well worth the effort. 😍

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32. Nadav Guedj - “Golden boy” Israel 2015

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Welcome to the Dicedrome, ladies and gentlemen: Introducing the man who put Israel back on the map after four straight NQs. But Nadav is more than just a Hebrew Tom Dice.

For starters, “Golden boy” is also the first time we were ever subjected to Doron Medalie (and also Imri Ziv but lol Imri), who is at his BEST here (apart from that moment when he brusquely shoved Cesár out of the way as if he were Krisse Salminen lmfao 😍): “Golden boy” has everything I could want in an uptempo party song: Drama, catchy rhythm, limitless fun, chanting, dancing and an absolutely ridiculous premise: sixteen year old boy gets wasted after fruitlessly flirting with all sorts of femfolk on his first night out. Yes, THIS

is sixteen years old. 😍 But what I mostly love about “Golden boy” is the humour. Intentional humour is really hard to get right and “Golden boy” NAILS it for me. From self-deprecating one-liners, to that choreography to b-roll material like the sound effect of beer being pourn as Nadav gets further into the song, to of course the epic finale of “THREE MINUTES! BYE :selfie”. 😍

A wild ride which, as serendipity demands, is topped off by Nadav kicking off a strong Israeli streak that indeed ENDS up with Israel winning the contest (with a worse Doron composition :-/) and him showing us around in Tel Aviv. Funny how life works sometimes, huh?

OKAY GOTTA GO THREE PARAGRAPHS BYEBYE

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31. Jessy Matador - “Allez ola olé” France 2010

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Did you know “Matador” is Eurospeak for “SLAYER”? 😉

Speaking of EPIC party songs, I was looking “Allez Ola Olé” up for my usual ranking purposes and this song.. is one of the most successful Eurovision songs EVER? I am not surprised, because “Allez olla olé” OWNS, but at the same time random 12th placers becoming massive off-season hits <3

(yes I am aware it’s because it was the French “Waka Waka” but that’s even more hilar, actually. What on earth is it doing in Eurovision <3)

Anyway, “Allez ola olé” definitely DESERVES all praise it can get. ETERNAL THORN IN THE SIDE OF THE EUROVISION ELITISTS <3 it is of course the anti-Proud, being all rhythm and no story, literally having no purpose other than making people dance (which I LOVE doing to “Allez Ola Olé”... within the confines of my bedroom, with the curtains closed because I have the dancing skills of drunk JarJar Binks) and honestly, what a spectacle. 😍

It features, in order of ascending awesomeness, male twerking (gender equality <3)

witty references to sex (which I don’t mind here because it’s clearly consentual, and therefore, healthy, ICKOLAS)

“Je sens le truc monter/..😏 ALLEEEEZ 😱”.

DAM BA DAM BA DAM BA DAM DAM

A fucking HAKA????? (btw, the female backing doing a salute is also lowkey great <3)

Actually, TWO HAKA’S????

This song may not have relevant meaning but my weave flew all the way to French Polynesia. “Allez, ola, olé” is nothing less than fucking AWESOME.

In this update, we pay our final respects to Norway, Malta and France: Read more about them below:

NORWAY

I don’t feel like this chart reflects my true feelings on Norway, because I like them a LOT more than what their average implies. They’re largely just dragged down by a few bad entries in the first half of the decade. Norway in the second half of this decade has shown a lot of promise and they are on my list of countries that I expect to win in the upcoming decade.

MALTA

Malta are a very average Eurovision country imo. As you can see, they very often select songs that are not worth giving a fuck about, but conversely the few times that they do, they’re usually excellent happy-go-lucky gems. I could see them winning if they find that rare 1-in-50 entry (by one of their jesc winners preferably), but only if they keep internally selecting their entrant because lmao MES(s)C <3

FRANCE

This is a really good chart for France and roughly what I expected. Not my favourite country but solidly upper tier. France really have reinvented themselves post 2016 and are reaping the rewards with generally higher results. I hope it gets topped off with another win soon. They deserve it.

#Eurovision #Eurovision Song Contest #France #Jessy Matador #Allez ola olé #Israel #nadav guedj #Golden boy #Bulgaria #Elitsa Todorova #Stoyan Yankoulov #Samo shampioni #Gianluca Bezzina #Tomorrow #Malta #Norway #KEiiNO #Spirit in the sky

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breeeliss · 6 years

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Alright, I’m killing this “Latino Loverboy Trope” that y’all love to attach to Lance because a) you guys clearly don’t know what the “Latino Loverboy Trope” is and b) Lance doesn’t even satisfy it. And before you get your panties in a twist, yes, I’m Latina and I’m calling bullshit on this so-called trope because nothing about Lance’s character, Lance’s vlog, or Allurance for that matter is racist, offensive, regressive, or out of character.

What you guys are probably thinking of is some weird combination of The Latin Lover Trope and The Casanova Trope. But, as I said, Lance satisfies neither of these tropes.

The Latin Lover Trope is built off this idea that if you’re a Latino man that has that thick accent, wears open shirts, pulls roses out of his ass, and whispers sweet Spanish nothings in your ear, you’re the sexiest thing on the planet. They’re the tall, dark, handsome men that are dripping in sex appeal and that women can’t possibly resist simply because they give off that weird fetishy “Latin vibe” that white people love to capitalize on.

Suffice it to say that not one scrap of this applies to Lance because Lance isn’t portrayed as an impossibly suave, ridiculously sexy, totally irresistible character. If anything, most of the times that Lance tries to flirt with people, no one falls victim to the charm. Mainly because his charm is super corny and always kind of comes up at the wrong times (i.e. when the situation is serious/dire).

Not only that, but Lance’s Cuban heritage is not exaggerated for the sake of making him a more romantically/sexually appealing character. He doesn’t speak Spanish, he doesn’t have an accent, he doesn’t Salsa through the halls, and he doesn’t spit out Spanish poetry in an attempt to seduce anyone. Ergo, he doesn’t satisfy the Lain Lover Trope. So to call his flirting a Latinx stereotype is seriously reaching.

Now, because people seem to have issue with the fact that Lance tends to flirt with any girl/femme-presenting alien he sees, let’s talk about the Casanova Trope, which Lance also doesn’t satisfy -- mainly because Casanovas tend to be complete assholes.

The Casanova Trope is essentially what some people tend to accuse Lance of satisfying -- i.e. that he relentlessly flirts with girls (like Allura) in a way that seems disrespectful, objectifying, and ultimately not romantic. The problem with this is that Lance’s flirting is neither relentless nor objectifying. If it was, yeah, he’d be a Casanova, a man who essentially pursues women for the sake of bedding them and then abandons them simply to show how awesome he is. They hold no regard for a woman’s well-being. Additionally, this is usually a trope seen with straight white men. There is nothing about Lance’s flirting that suggests he’s doing it for the sake of breaking hearts, moving on, and wearing his conquests as a badge of honor. If anything, most of the times that he does pursue someone, it usually ends up badly for him, not the girl.

And that’s essentially the point of his flirting. It’s harmless both in its intention and in its impact. Lance flirts because it’s his personality -- he loves being the center of attention and he loves hamming it up and charming people because he wants to seem cool. He doesn’t do it because he thinks he’s entitled to any of the girls he flirts with and he doesn’t do it to cause harm. And we know that his flirting doesn’t cause any harm because people find it annoying and poorly timed at its worse.

Even in the cases where he’s flirting with Allura, she either ignores him or makes him the brunt of a joke (hence when he accidentally kissed one of the mice and when she essentially completely incapacitated him upon their first meeting). Others really only interfere to stop his flirting when it’s getting in the way of a mission, not because he’s being skeevy or inappropriate. And, you know what? People flirt. That’s sort of how you meet people and let them know you’re into them. You drop a line. You tell them how great they look. You compliment them. Flirting only becomes an issue when it’s relentless, inappropriate, or invasive (like what a Casanova or a sexual predator would try and pull). Again, Lance satisfies none of these things.

The number one thing that people seem to forget (and this is something that I’ve seen a lot of people beautifully sum up on separate posts).....Lance is nothing less than a lovesick kid with a crush.

That’s not the face of a kid who’s dripping in sex appeal that no woman can resist. And that’s not the face of a kid who only flirts with women because he sees them as easy trophies for him to collect and quickly discard for the sake of his own reputation. This isn’t a kid who objectifies women, disrespects women, or sees women as targets. This is a kid who at the end of the day is hopelessly crushing on someone that he genuinely admires and respects. The entirety of Lance’s vlog and a good portion of season 4 shows that Lance’s infatuation with Allura is not a trope, is not a gimmick, and is not disrespectful. It’s genuine and heartfelt.

And for those who criticize Lance for his unwillingness to settle down in the vlog as him not taking his crush on Allura seriously and an embodiment of a Latin Love/Casanova trope, I say to you that Lance is 17/18 at the most. Just because you have a crush doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to admire other people or flirt with other people. This isn’t a courtship. He’s young and he’s in space where the possibilities are endless. He’s a kid who wants to explore, wants to experience, and wants to be open to the things to come. That’s not disrespectful to Allura and that doesn’t diminish his crush on Allura. It means he’s a healthy teenager.

Criticizing Allurance and Lance’s characterization in season 4 because of this mysterious “Latino Loverboy Trope” is incredibly unfair to Lance’s character. There is nothing manipulative or toxic about Allurance, and Lance isn’t a racist stereotype. Come up with a better reason for why Lance slowly falling for Allura and Allura slowly starting to admire him back bothers you.

#allurance #voltron #vld #voltron legendary defender #vld lance #lance mcclain #salt #fandom wank #i guess?#but like honestly im just tired of seeing this #like i promise you that i've seen PLENTY of latino stereotypes in my time #lance comes nowhere fucking close #and to say that he is is just some salty attempt at being annoyed with his flirting #and annoyed with his crush on allura #and i WONDER #WHY THAT IS

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kafikhaibar · 6 years

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A Love Letter to American Animals

Hello, I know you have not known me before, let alone seen me, but I was sitting in my darkish rather gloomy room, was not wearing my pants because I just left the toilet when I decided to give you a seeing. I have been struggling with my going-to-face-soon quarter life crisis and I am about the same age as your characters in this movie, or if I may say, the people who did the undebatable inspiring bold move which inspired the great people who made the unmistakable straightforward piece of art. It is you.

Talking about quarter life crisis and crazy events, the fact that people really did wait for something amazing to happen in their life is as real as the crisis itself. We all know those guys who imagined their school burnt to ashes just because they wanted to avoid their chemistry exam so bad. Or people who sit down on their sofa all day waiting for their scholarships call or for some random guy to pop up on their missed calls and left a message, “I have good news for you, would you mind being an assistant director for this Oscar foreign film project? I come with a medium sized briefcase containing 25 kilograms of cash. And foods. And hot celebs. Your long lost laptop. And an exciting robbery scheme that could change your life forever. Call me ASAP”.

Still clear in my mind when I left the theatre after watching “Inception”. My mind was twisted just like everybody else in the building, and not even a fragment of my mind thought that the film was about film directing, like Nolan said. Lesson learned. And when I saw another heist film, say Ocean’s franchise and the last one who came out, Ocean’s 8. I analyzed, restructured the film, then I knew it was not a Heist film. It was a cash cow targeted for SJWs.

Then I met you.

From the very first couple of minutes, you gave me provoking questions, good looking frames, appealing colors, and well thought concept. You are the very reason why people google things such as “Is (insert film title) based on true story?” or as banal as “Is (insert film title) real?” You are a documentary of a mockumentary of a mockumentary, a docmockmockumentary that blurred the lines between fictions, non-fictions, non-fiction novels, a non-fiction book written by fiction characters, and a self-help fiction book about how to make a documentary film, then transcended through all art media. It is even more ridiculous than the 2004’s Shyamalan mockumentary, and by ridiculous I mean it is stranger than fiction. Even stranger than the “Stranger Than Fiction”.

I particularly like the transition between the present day and the days the story took place, and also the neat unique transition, mixed with intertwined dialogue and the sentimental imagination that gives a nice touch in the ending. People do love montages, no? The ending montage gave me chills and even the film did not taint itself by giving an overkill-more-than-2 montages in one film. Sorry, no typical upbeat song in montage of characters working late at night to pull their stupid heist.

There were symbolizations throughout the journey, and as subtle as their “old people is the closest to being invisible” theory, it was hidden while also put under the spotlight. The flamingo in the middle of the road and the “this is a true story” gimmick. The nearly victimless crime they committed in the end and the documentary format. They were all put together to give us the right amount of food for thoughts. You brought the real criminals who inspired this film and put them early in the screens just so the audience would know how the heist ends. It’s even posted on the synopsis and reviews everywhere. Was the thrill and excitement not there? That might be the case in every biopic or based on true story films, even a fictional universe where Jimmy McGill will meet his inevitable fate to be Saul Goodman. Nevertheless the audience accepted the fact and drowned in the beauty of storytelling, because the purpose is not to reach the ending, it is the journey that matters.

You reached bone-deep to the questions of youth that are not even scratched by some coming of age films. Make a list of coming of age films and you might be sitting in one of the top list, or not be in the list at all. Say, the friendship and social circle problem in “The Breakfast Club” and “The Perks of Being Wallflower”, a thought provoking human relationship in “Y Tu Mama Tambien” and a tribute of a lifetime in “Boyhood”, even if the setting happened in a high school-college like “Election” and “The Perfect Score”, you managed to stay humble while critically thinking “What is your motivation?”, and giving us the idea of your past, your choices, and your conscience. Having being said, you are a self-aware film and to give it justice, I hope it is wise enough to say that you are not a heist movie at all.

I would gladly say that I have not watched a ton of films, and to be clearly obsessed with you is one way to show it. But, you touched me in a non-sexual way, and it was so great. To speak of technicalities and acting might not be the case here. I might pay you another visit and write you another love letter, on how you did your things, until then I just want to say thank you for being here with me in that dark room.

#americananimals #filmreview #loveletter

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casualarsonist · 6 years

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Until Dawn review (PS4)

David Cage: Frenchman, Legion of Honour recipient, and a video game visionary, he would consider himself a storyteller first and foremost and ostensibly popularised the ‘interactive drama’ genre with the narrative-heavy ‘Fahrenheit’, ‘Heavy Rain’, and ‘Beyond: Two Souls’. However, as well-known as he is for his artistic vision, his other claim to dubious fame is the fact that his abilities can never quite match his ambition. Make no mistake, Cage is no Peter Molyneux and doesn’t exactly misrepresent his games beyond overstating their importance, but they are as synonymous with their clunky gameplay as they are with powerful drama – an important discord in a genre in which the whole point is to tell a story with depth and resonance that players can immerse themselves in when the technical side of these products works against this very goal. However, a good interactive drama game can, like a good film, stand the test of time as a whole work, even if one of its component parts doesn’t. And this too is important because as players we expect older games to be ungainly and less refined than modern releases, so I suppose that if games like this were to have a flaw, clunky gameplay would be a far better one to have than an unengaging story or poor acting.

And thus we come to 2015’s ‘Until Dawn’ - not a David Cage game (and probably better for it), but one that draws from his work in the genre. A pastiche of teen-horror films, Until Dawn follows eight teenagers – the so-called ‘friends’ of twin sisters Hannah and Beth (Ella Lentini) who vanished into the woods surrounding their father’s isolated cabin after a cruel prank played on them the year before. On the first anniversary of their disappearance, the remaining gang are urged by the twins’ brother Josh (Rami Malek) to return to the cabin, ostensibly to commemorate the lives of the missing sisters with ‘the party of a lifetime’. But not all is what it seems, and on top of the creepy and desolate location, the teens will come face-to-face with everything in the encyclopaedia of horror-tropes but the cursed kitchen sink as they try to make it to dawn the next day.

Until Dawn is, for all intents and purposes, a straight-forward success when it comes to achieving its mission statement, which is to say that it’s a faithful recreation of a tried-and-true horror formula with enough twists and turns to keep you engaged in the unfolding story, characters with enough depth and likability to largely transcend the archetypes within which they are cast, and a conceit that makes the best use of the simplistic gameplay. It is possibly the only game I’ve ever played in which I’ve enjoyed and seen as appropriate the inclusion of QTEs – so long has the mechanic been a refuge for lazy designers that I forgot that testing the players reflexes under threat of permadeath can actually be a tense and thrilling experience. It’s also, despite the shoulders upon which it so clearly stands, a unique enough experience that I find myself thinking about it long after it’s over (which is months ago now). You will find yourself becoming attached to the people you’re playing as along the way, feeling appropriately horrified should they fall prey to the many traps the game has to offer. You may also find yourself despising some of them, at which point the full potential of the genre comes to bear as you coax them into a brutal and cathartic death.

But I suspect that my assessment above will divide an audience that has played this game, for as solid as I feel the core of Until Dawn is it cannot escape the fact that, like the genre of film it tries to emulate, the game is a constant balancing act between engaging the audience and repelling them with silliness. Some may indeed find the characters vapid and hollow and I would understand that, because despite the effort to reinforce the importance of player choice in the unfolding narrative there are plenty of times in which you can feel the game take the reins and steer the characters toward a different path from which you took them simply to manufacture drama and keep the story moving. Likewise, I could understand it if you found the constant sexual innuendo unbearable, or the fact that the characters will simply wander around in their underwear during a Rocky Mountain winter, or that for the entirety of the night not once does anyone seek to turn the fucking lights on.

And while I think it was a wise thing to pair this genre of film with this type of game, it’s simply a fact that a good part of the enjoyment of teen horror comes from laughing at a film’s loose ends and frayed seams. The idea that a group of people should come together to commemorate the presumed death of two of their friends with a fucking party in the exact same location from which they went missing is retarded, as is the idea that anyone would crack a joke mere minutes after seeing a friend get minced in front of them, or that you’d prance around in their undies in an unlit, unheated wooden cabin buried in the deep, dark forest. Teen horror films are ridiculous by nature, the choices their characters make are borderline braindead, and so to attempt to recreate this experience for better and worse whilst simultaneously asking a player to engage and invest in the fate of the people making these dumb-ass decisions is a simply an irreconcilable goal. More than once I found myself groaning in genuine annoyance as characters did and said things that were deeply at odds with the things I had asked them to do and say up until that point, in a transparent effort to artificially extend the playtime. The most infuriating moment came with the only character death I experienced, which occurred not as a direct result of my choices but through an incidental and unpredictable series of events that the game told me related to a decision I had made 10 minutes before – a dialogue choice, to be specific, in which I agreed with another character’s plan of action, a plan that takes place regardless of your response. So the choice that kicked off the series of events that lead to the character’s death wasn’t actually a choice at all, it was simply an inconsequential piece of dialogue that the game decided to make a pivotal moment.

These moments of unfortunate incongruity do occur more than once throughout, although they’re rarely as egregious as this. Other missteps include bizarre, truncated conclusions for a couple of the eight characters, who disappear for almost the entire game with only a small epilogue of sorts in which the end of their stories are sorted out, as well as more than one Big Bad revealing itself to be a red herring. In any case, I wasn’t dissatisfied with the narrative overall, but it’s quite clear just how much the writers struggled to balance the need to provide content with the need to keep the player invested in the story.

That said, Until Dawn is easily the highest quality interactive drama I’ve ever played: the cast, led by Hayden Panettiere, perform superbly and manage to tease far more depth out of the characters than one might otherwise expect. Their performances single-handedly elevate the game as a whole, and form one of the crucial pillars upon which Until Dawn manages to stand above its flaws. The story is, for all my momentary criticisms, quite fun and interesting - the sheer amount of clichés within the horror genre offers a deep well from which Until Dawn can and does draw. From the moment you get your hands on the controls you’re left with a sense of dread and foreboding that doesn’t abate, and although your evolving understanding of the circumstances that haunt the characters does result in diminishing returns for the scares as the game winds on, there are still new and interesting plot elements revealed right up until the very final moments of play. An overabundance of jump-scares is mitigated by the fact that, despite how cheap they are, they do still manage to keep you on edge, and there are plenty of moments of genuine suspense provided equally by unsettlingly quiet moments, as well as the terrifying sequences in which you are chased by an unstoppable threat.

And it’s primarily through this quality and its single-minded dedication to providing a genre experience that Until Dawn comes out on top. Like all games of its ilk, it isn’t perfect, and ultimately one could reasonably accuse the ‘interactive drama’ genre of being one giant, coalescent gimmick, but the truly inspired decision here that separates Until Dawn from the others is that the creators chose a wonderfully gimmicky type of film to marry to this type of game. And while two gimmicks together don’t necessarily cancel each other out, in this case they certainly compliment each other to provide what is, in the end, a rather singular and unforgettable experience.

Good

7/10 P.S.

It has taken me fucking months to write this review. I got a new job and lost a lot of writing time, and thus lost my mojo, so please excuse the gap and any perceived dip in quality. I’ve played a lot of games lately, so I hope to post something for Titanfall 2, the Uncharted series, Far Cry Primal, Horizon: Zero Dawn, as well as a few films. Hopefully it shouldn’t take me quite as long to get around to that as it has this. Love, peace, and chicken grease.

#until dawn #video games #review #ps4 #2015 #teen horror #hayden panettiere #rami malek #david cage #interactive drama

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