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#her existence is a lovely problem in my life
pinteresthore · 2 days
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genuinely asking because i saw the post with you saying you arent fatphobic - if you run a pro blog that caters and creates triggering media for ppl to starve themselves, isnt that inherently fatphobic? even if you arent bullying or harassing people, isnt it just a deep rooted feeling from the disorder? theres probably fat people who ask for you to post thinspos because they hate themselves and want to starve. isnt proana all inherently fatphobic even if you dont post fatspo? (im up for discussion, not trying to pointlessly argue)
hi first of all, thanks for the ask. second of all…
Everyone on this planet has internalised fat phobia. Even body positive influencers and celebrities. Societal standards, and media has conditioned our minds into believing that fitting into certain standards is better than just loving yourself. I never denied that I wasn’t just the same
I am not saying it’s ok, I’m just saying it’s a bitter truth. In an ideal world this shouldn’t exist
I only use ( an A ) tags in order to ensure no other people outside of this community sees my posts, the people in the tags are
Already having an a
Reporting blogs (and weirdos ofc)
already have some underlying problem
yes my content is triggering, that is the point. It’s supposed to encourage you to ‘stick to your plans’
again, I know this is NOT a good thing, I’m just explaining the content I’m posting read further…
There has been sooo much debate on this, but the way I see it, it offers support to people who feel alone in the world. Connecting you with people all over the world. Posting has allowed me to create a community of over 300 people in just a couple of days. These are all individuals who have gone through similar things as me.
My condition did surface from the desire to look a certain way, yes. But it is so much more than that. My fellow ⭐️🦴 might relate. It’s like no matter how hard your life is, you at least have control over what you put in your body. This keeps me going. now, that difference between th0i0n0s0p0o (T) and f0a0t0s0p0o0 (F) is large
we aren’t humiliating and bullying random people who choose to live. there is a HUGE difference between “ew, I do not want to look like her” and “omg goals”
Both are toxic, though one is better than the other
I don’t post F out of respect for people. Although I judge myself and my body, I try not to judge others.
so yes,
I am inherently fat phobic, everyone is
I have a mental illness that commands me to starve
I post triggering content (all mental illnesses are triggering if you look at it like that )
I am just a person trying to navigate my life withought breaking down every few minutes. This blog is my way to cope.
No,
I do not dehumanise and bully people for their size and simply existing on the Internet
I don’t post rude comments and inspo that Hates on fatter bodies
I hope this answers your questions
love
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moonxytcn · 2 days
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Could you please do a Billie with female reader with Billie singing reader to sleep because she can’t sleep 🥺🙌🏻
problems at bedtime
Billie Eilish x fem!reader
summary – when you start to get restless at bedtime, Billie sings to relax you
warnings – pure cuteness
word count – 545.
a/n – hii! thanks for the request, I loved writing this. I hope you like it too
English is not my first language so there may be some errors
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This gif isn't mine, I found it on Pinterest
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The moonlight filtered through the cracks in the curtain, casting a soft glow over the room. You were lying on the right side of the double bed, which had always been your favorite spot, next to Billie. Sighing, unable to find sleep, you tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position. Finally settling into a good spot, you closed your eyes, your thoughts seemingly swirling in circles, unable to calm down.
Letting out a frustrated breath when sleep eluded you, you tensed as an arm suddenly snaked around your waist, pulling you closer to your girlfriend. "Sleep." Billie muttered with closed eyes, squeezing you in her embrace. Falling silent, you soon squirmed again in her arms, causing her to grumble softly as she wrapped her leg over you and hugged you tightly, essentially trapping you there.
"Billiee." you whined. "I can't sleep." Waiting to see if she would respond or had already fallen asleep, you were surprised when a soft sound echoed through the room, breaking the silence. It was hard not to recognize it; you knew instantly that it was your girlfriend's soft and ethereal voice.
The words resonated deeply within you, as if Billie were singing to your restless soul, which she resolved, because in that instant you felt relaxed in her arms. Each note she sang to you felt like a direct embrace to your soul, calming the restlessness within you. You closed your eyes, allowing yourself to sink into the music, letting yourself be carried away to a world of tranquility away from the turbulence of your thoughts.
Her words were like poetry, touching parts of you that you didn't even know existed. Each verse seemed to unravel more and more pieces of your soul to her. You felt more connected to her now than ever before, in a way you had never experienced before, and the fact that she was there, singing to you with her arms and legs around you, like a koala, only intensified that connection.
As you continued to listen to her voice, you felt enveloped by a sense of peace and serenity. Feeling the butterflies that seemed to flutter all over your body whenever you were with her no matter the situation. Allowing yourself to relax completely, surrendering to the music and the emotions it brought. Her words were like a balm, for your restless thoughts and soul, calming and comforting you in a way that only she could.
When the last note of the music was whispered, you slowly opened your eyes, feeling more relaxed than ever before. Turning in the embrace, now wrapping your arms and legs around Billie too, fitting together like a puzzle piece, and smiled. "Thank you, darling." you said softly, reaching out and running your hand gently over her face and hair.
The next morning when you woke up in her arms, all you could feel was gratitude for having the singer in your life.
From that day on, you knew that whenever you felt restless or lost, you could turn to her and her music and loving hugs to find comfort and peace. The connection you shared was deep and meaningful, and you knew that this was a relationship that would last through this life and the next.
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elialys · 1 month
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ANNA TORV as Olivia Dunham (Fringe) | 1.02 The Same Old Story
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the-priestess-of-dawn · 5 months
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Grima and Final Blows
The other day I mentioned that I had an essay about Grima to write that I'd been putting off, and between that and all the great essays my fellow Grimleal scholars have been putting out recently, I decided to sit down and finally get it done.
So here you go. An analysis of Grima's difficulties with directly killing people.
Okay, so I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time, because one of my favorite things to explore when it comes to Grima is the gap between their villain act, which they actively play up in front of others in both Awakening and FEH, and their true feelings, which are hinted at in Awakening (particularly through the Future Past DLC) and made even clearer in FEH— their own evil actions are repulsive to them, and they wish they could live normally among humans, but they don’t believe they have any choice but to be the monster that “the fell dragon, Grima” is supposed to be. They are committed to this “fell dragon” character, to putting on a show for everyone, and they are so good at it that it’s easy to overlook that they… uh… aren’t very good at killing anyone important. Not directly, anyway.
Sure, Grima is responsible for numerous deaths. But what is their actual kill count? Well, in Awakening’s main game… zero. (Unless you count Chrom, but, as we witness, that was not a voluntary act on their part; Validar took control of their body. You could also make the argument that Grima “claiming the sacrifice” at the Dragon’s Table counts, but the problem with that is, although it’s obvious that Grima accepts the life force of the Grimleal members as a sacrifice, it’s not at all clear whether or not Grima personally kills them. Although it’s possible that they did off screen, it’s also possible that Validar killed them, or that they were ordered to take their own lives; there’s no reason Grima would have had to lay a hand on them.) In the Future Past, it’s… one, maybe one and half (Naga’s spirit, and Tiki, but only in body. More on this later.)
And it’s not as though Fire Emblem shies away from showing villains directly murdering people, Even in Awakening itself, the intro to Chapter 9 shows Aversa killing a Plegian soldier for delivering an unsatisfactory report, so it wouldn’t have been out of place to let Grima stab a few NPCs as a show of brutality. Especially seeing as Grima is the evil dragon final boss. As early as Mystery of the Emblem, we can see Medeus killing his cleric hostages to restore his own health if you fail to rescue them before trying to defeat him, and as recently as Engage, we get a whole cutscene of Sombron eating Hyacinth. Fantasy violence my beloved <3
Anyway, the point is, Grima could have been written to be much more violent and I don’t think anyone would have complained. Instead, though, Grima repeatedly— and consistently across the series— tries to avoid engaging in direct combat.
Let’s start with what Grima does in the main game of Awakening. We know that Risen pursue Lucina into the past, because we see them fall out of the portal with her in Chapter 1. We also know that those Risen, as well as the others that are appearing throughout the land, are not being directly controlled by Grima, because later in Chapter 13, as the Shepherds are leaving Plegia after meeting with Validar, Aversa, and the Hierophant, they are pursued by more skilled Risen, and Frederick notes that “Either they are learning our ways, or someone is commanding them…” So… It seems that sending the Risen—with or without specific orders—to attack while Grima is not themself present is a favored tactic.
But what about when Grima is present? Take a look at the Endgame: Grima chapter. Yes, you eventually get to engage Grima in direct combat. But not immediately. What Grima does first is…
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Grima attacks the Shepherds with dark spikes from a distance, reducing everyone’s hp to 1. Now, here’s what happens next: Grima attempts to possess their past self, Robin hears the voices of their friends and breaks free, Naga heals everyone back to full health, and then the fight against Grima begins… Except actually, the Shepherds have to get to Grima first, because they’re at the top of the map and they’re not budging. Naga warns them that “Grima’s servants will beset [them] to no end.” and she’s not kidding. Grimleal reinforcements will spawn infinitely, and they can hit pretty hard. Even with everyone starting at full health, it’s possible to lose units to these Grimleal soldiers if Grima isn’t defeated quickly. Can you imagine what would happen if Naga hadn’t healed the Shepherds first?
Well, I’d guess that they’d probably all die to the Grimleal without Grima having to face them up close. Which was probably what Grima was going for.
This isn’t the only time Grima tries the dark spikes trick, either. Grima attempts this exact same move in the Future Past 3 when they face Lucina, Severa, Laurent, and Gerome.
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Grima announces “With the next blow, I will kill you.” and then demands that they hand over the Fire Emblem as well as the gemstone they hold. The threat is very real. But…
Given that at 1hp, a gust of wind could take the kids out, would it not have been easier and faster to kill them and just loot their bodies immediately? And yet Grima lets the kids have an extended discussion about sacrifice, and even suggests that Lucina would indeed buy a little more time by running… Again, I cannot stress enough that Grima should be able to finish them off in one hit at this point.
So the plan was almost certainly to back off and let the Risen do the actual killing, even though that would be a lot less efficient under the circumstances. And when Chrom and the Shepherds arrive, Grima immediately turns their attention to them, saying “If it’s a reunion you seek, my soldiers shall welcome you on my behalf.” Then they once again pick a spot at the back of the map and refuse to move from it, forcing the Shepherds to fight through the Risen in order to engage Grima in combat at all.
And sure, Grima has some excuses. “I was hoping not to have to flex any muscle,” they say right before the dark spikes attack, as if to justify why they didn’t do it sooner. And of course they taunt Lucina over having to choose to whether to run as her friends sacrifice themselves for her or to stay and fight and die with them. “I must say I shall enjoy this either way!” Yes, Grima, we get it, you’ve made it very clear that you’re an arrogant asshole.
But is arrogance really all there is to it? If we look at what Tiki tells Grima in the good ending of the Future Past, it looks as though Grima’s arrogance has brought their own downfall. “If you had left Mount Prism alone, Grima, you might have stood a chance. Instead, you have brought the Awakening right to your feet.” However, when you think about it… Is Tiki’s continued existence not in itself a result of Grima’s repeated pattern of not really wanting to land a finishing blow? The game states that Grima did in fact kill Tiki… but only in body, not in spirit. This is, according to Tiki, because Robin intervened.
Now, the question I have is… Is it really possible that Robin could have intervened both against Grima’s will and without them having any idea? Honestly, it’s hard to tell exactly how aware Grima is of Robin’s resistance, because they lie about it a lot, e.g. stating that Robin’s spirit perished in sending Chrom back to his own world, even though just moments later, Robin is once again overpowering them. So, keeping in mind that Grima is a liar, was Grima really arrogant to leave Tiki’s body in Ylisstol, and to not make sure that her spirit was fully destroyed? Or was Robin simply able to capitalize on Grima’s propensity towards backing off?
Because surely the only way Grima could be unaware that Robin had acted against them is if Robin hadn’t actually acted against them. I don’t think I believe that Grima really wanted Tiki gone. Naga, sure—longtime nemesis and all. But if Grima had truly cared about seeing Tiki’s existence destroyed… Well, I doubt Robin could have interfered that much.
But maybe it could still be a matter of arrogance. Maybe Grima just didn’t think Tiki’s spirit could do anything with Naga’s spirit gone, and thus didn't care to pay attention to her anymore once she seemed dead enough.
If that’s true, it doesn’t explain why Shadows of Valentia Grima exhibits the exact same habits when fighting Alm and Celica, despite never having been outside of the Thabes Labyrinth at this point in their life. As opposed to the various Terrors throughout the rest of the Labyrinth, which chase Alm (or Celica) down in the overworld to force a fight, Grima is immobile in their room, and will wait patiently there indefinitely until the player chooses to engage. You can even evacuate from the dungeon.
But if you do choose to fight Grima, it proceeds much like the battles against them in Awakening go. The main difference is that they actually will move from their starting position this time, if you position someone in their range. That still requires a fight against (proto-)Risen who are spawning in from the sides to stop your party’s advance.
So… Now it’s starting to look like Grima actively prefers this one particular trick… And it’s a fundamentally defensive maneuver, which makes perfect sense from SoV Grima’s standpoint (they were attacked out of nowhere, after all), but is not really an obvious standout strategy for Awakening Grima, whose taunts and threats suggest an aggression that would be better supported with a more offensive strategy… Consider, too, that Awakening Grima is in fact being even more defensive than their SoV iteration, since they don’t move towards you at all.
With all that in mind, it really, really looks like Grima doesn’t want to fight, especially in Awakening. Not that they don’t intend for the Shepherds to die—on the contrary, they’ve set everything up so that the Shepherds will eventually be overwhelmed—but that they don’t want to land the killing blow.
(And gee, I wonder what might be fueling their reluctance? Being controlled and made to kill your best friend by your own hand wouldn't be totally traumatic or anything, right?)
And then... Funny thing here, I’ve been procrastinating writing this essay for a long time. I originally started thinking about it shortly before the Depths of Despair banner was released in FEH, so imagine my surprise when I saw this characterization hold up in the writing of Fell Exalt Chrom’s Forging Bonds as well… The Grima there says that Chrom was the one to kill the rest of the Shepherds. Now, it’s pretty clear that it was through Grima controlling him, but that’s not the point. The point is that once again, Grima didn't have to do any direct killing.
Look, if it had only ever happened once, I could buy that maybe Grima was just underestimating their opponents, that maybe they thought they could get away without having to put very much work in. But for Grima to operate this way so many times, so consistently, and to their own detriment? No...
Grima doesn’t like direct combat. Grima has trouble even when it’s a fight they asked for.
And when you think about it, that makes their reaction to Robin choosing to land the final blow themself in the sacrifice ending all the more understandable.
“…YOU WOULD��� NOT DARE!”
Because Grima would not dare. Grima has always preferred to let someone else land the final blow.
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billxharry · 4 months
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Things I would pay any sum of money to have released since there's a 99.99999% chance Cher is talking about Stellan, Colin and Pierce here yes?
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cluescorner · 2 months
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Randomized Robins AU - Ages + Worst Trait Exercise:
Steph (25):
Says her worst trait is her murderous rages (she is exaggerating for dramatic/comedic effect, she’s killed 3 people tops and for very good reason)
Thinks her worst trait is her spitefulness (one of the few traits she definitely got from her father + one that prevents her from fixing her relationships and living her best possible life. She’ll refuse to interact with someone she dearly loves after an argument (happens significantly less after Tim’s death) or will say things she knows are hurtful just for the sake of having the last word. This trait will worsen in some ways as the list of people who have wronged her and those she loves grows, but will also ease up as she matures and realizes the harm it’s doing to her relationships with those she loves most.)
Her worst trait really is her spitefulness
Cass (26)
Says her worst trait is her self-righteousness (she believes that her goals are righteous and, as a result, she is righteous. Cass becomes very defensive whenever someone questions the mission and often does not second-guess herself. This is a trait she only develops later in life as she grows closer to Bruce/learns to understand herself more/starts to love herself more. But she knows she isn’t perfect and when somebody she trusts criticizes something she is doing she is willing to listen. She just usually isn’t the one to START the introspection.) 
Thinks her worst trait is her self-righteousness. 
Her worst trait actually is her obsessiveness (she gets it from Bruce and, while not as bad as him, she will easily become preoccupied with her night-life and the mission if someone isn’t there to pull her back. She will do this to the point of self-destruction and it hurts her relationships with the people she loves, especially Steph.)
Tim (24)
Says his worst trait is his spitefulness (he actively rejects the idea of mending his relationships with the older members of the family and this causes him to also lack good relationships with the younger ones)
Thinks his worst trait is his obsessiveness (similar to Cass, if he gets fixated on a task or idea he will neglect everything else in his life in order to dedicate more time to it. Unlike Cass, he will almost never be dragged away from it unless Pierrot snatches control of the body and forces them to take care of themself.)
His worst trait actually is how manipulative he is (the KING of guilt-tripping and using people’s emotions against them. He’ll do whatever he needs to do to get what he wants, he’s not above crocodile tears. And he will do it to whoever he needs (or wants) to with little care for how his actions impact others.)
Pierrot (Insists: “Age doesn’t apply to me! And even if it did, I'd probably be the oldest. Or the youngest! I’d never be a middle child, though.” Mental assessments by the Bats have put him around 21, with a margin of error of 3 years. Pierrot has called this “blatant character assassination by my eternal rival!”)
Says his worst trait is that he is an irredeemable psychopath without any regard for the wellbeing of others (this is a lie and everyone who's important to him understands this). 
Thinks his worst trait is his parasitic nature (he literally would not exist had Tim not suffered the way he did. Plus he is a living reminder of one of the worst things that happened to many of his loved ones. He is a parasite injected into a functional person's body and contributes to his continued suffering. This is also a largely incorrect judgement of himself, caused by his actual worst trait.)
His worst trait actually is his limited sense of self (he doesn’t really know who he is outside of ‘inheritor to the legacy of the Joker (a man he despises yet also views as a father)’ and ‘chip in Tim’s brain that became sentient’. He slowly develops an identity over the course of his life and relationships with other people, but he lacks the foundations of identity that most people have. Pierrot will often almost become a caricature of himself and what others perceive him to be because it's the only person he knows how to be. This causes wild swings in how he behaves and relates to others, sometimes to the detriment of himself and others.)
Dick (17) 
Says his worst trait is his clinginess (he is a very extraverted person who likes to be around others, which mixed with his fear of abandonment after his parents died means that if he goes a few days without seeing/talking to a friend he will get very anxious.)
Thinks his worst trait is his anger issues (he gets ticked off very easily and will explode on people. He’s kind at his core and is usually very nice, but he has a temper that can escalate significantly. Spoiler (and later Twist) help him channel this anger into something positive.)
His worst trait actually is his anger issues.
Barbara (18)
Says her worst trait is her disability (internalized ableism, she thinks of herself as less valuable than the other Bats because she cannot be out there in the capes like they can. She will grow out of this as she matures and as she learns how invaluable her support for the team is.)  
Thinks her worst trait is her disability 
Her worst trait actually is her overly-independent nature (In an attempt to overcompensate for everything she can no longer do, she has resolved to do literally everything that she possibly can without any help from others. This results in many instances where she either takes on too much and winds up not being able to fully realize any of her tasks or where she makes her life and the lives of others significantly harder by refusing help when offered/not asking for it when she needs it.)
Damian (16)
Says his worst trait is his perfectionism (he is overly critical of both himself and others, taking any flaw or problem and amplifying it to an absurd degree. This is due in part to his life with the LoA (where even a brief misstep could lead to death), in part to how others treated him initially as Spoiler (any flaw was fixated on and used as a reason to either mistrust him or portray him as unworthy of the mantle), and in part due to the fact that he is Bruce’s son (the only person with worse perfectionism problems than Damian). Gradually, Damian has improved in this regard but it’s still a massive barrier to both his own happiness and his relationships with others.)
Thinks his worst trait is his perfectionism 
His worst trait actually is his perfectionism
Duke (16)
Says his worst trait is his definitely-real secret evil side (says this as a ‘my dad is a villain so who knows??’ joke)
Thinks his worst trait is his impulsivity in his words (Sometimes he will crack a joke or say a remark without thinking it through, leading to a LOT of hurt feelings and drama. He’ll say something without thinking it through and wind up seeming insensitive. This isn’t done because of malice, rather because Duke is someone who’s quick to act and speak. But while the mantle of Insight and his awakening powers have helped him with his actions, they do not always help with his loose tongue. As such, Duke gains an unfair reputation in the media as an instigator and will accidentally cause family drama through what he says.)
His worst trait actually is his impulsivity in his words
Jason (14)
Says his worst trait is his bad manners (he grew up on the streets and has no idea how rich-people society works, which he’s pretty insecure about considering he’s now the youngest kid of Bruce freaking Wayne). 
Thinks his worst trait is his reactiveness (Jason never got the privilege of planning ahead for various events in his life, so he instead needed to rely on being swift and harsh in how he could react to situations. It’s saved his life on multiple occasions and helps significantly in his role as Spoiler, but it can also lead to extreme overreactions (accidentally causing kidnapping scare after Jason ran away following a fight with Dick) and a struggle to plan things out ahead of time. As he grows more secure in his place in the family and in life, this trait will lessen but never fully dissipate.)
His worst trait actually is his reactiveness
#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#tim drake#dick grayson#barbara gordon#damian wayne#duke thomas#jason todd#batfamily#randomizedrobinsau#I'm debating whether I should tag this with the Joker Junior tag and those related to it for Pierrot#because like...it's not quite that. but it's also very close to that and is the direct result of that.#but Pierrot would fucking HATE to be tagged as that and sees it as an insult to his identity...which he already has problems with#so I don't think I'm gonna#anyways lmao I am totally projecting my younger self onto Barbara. How could I not? She's literally the reason I view my disability#the way that I do and she actively improved my mental health just by existing and saying some of the shit she did when I was in the#stages of accepting my own disability. So yeah I am projecting a lot onto her because I love her and see myself in her.#I'm mostly basing these characterizations on my favorite versions of them (ie Red Robin 2009 Tim and Birds of Prey Barbara).#so I'm taking the traits I like/think fit in this AU and discarding what I think either is bad or doesn't fit or if I just don't like it.#Damian's 'murder gremlin who is a meanie on purpose because he is a meanie' is entirely unappealing to me and also does not fit this AU#I prefer him when he's portrayed as a sympathetic kid (who is still an asshole) and not a demon child. So that's what I'm using.#same with Talia's 'abusive mother who is totally on-board with all of her father's bullshit and will kill someone for no reason' version#I have read enough comics to know what I like/what is most important and what I don't like/what is#BLATANT CHARACTER ASSASSINATION GRANT MORRISON YOU FUCK YOU SET TALIA BACK SO FUCKING FAR#I also decided to outline their WORST traits because I already know what I like about these characters/their best traits.#most people do. But what was a greater challenge was finding what would make their lives and those of others worse.#what would I hate about this person if I knew them IRL? What would I first suggest they get therapy for? What hurts them and why?#I found these questions really interesting in the context of this AU where some people are forced into completely different roles#the says/thinks/is was inspired by trying to answer that question for myself. I say my worst trait is my impulsiveness but when#I asked others in my life they answered 'oh so you said your weird thing where you don't ask for help right?'
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comixandco · 1 year
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i think something people forget about pink diamond is that she had compassion for life long before she went to earth
the pebbles assume steven is pink not because of his gem or aura but just because he says ‘hello’ and ‘thank you’ to them, a basic common courtesy that nobody else has given them in thousands of years
in steven’s pink visions, blue is yelling at pink about the little bugs she let loose on homeworld. when one of them is found in her cell, she is quick to check it’s okay before helping it out of the room. even before encountering humans she valued organic life.
even the garden, the setting of pink’s cruellest moment, is proof of her care for organic life. Unlike every other part of homeworld, the garden is teeming with plant-life, which was kept healthy enough that it continued to grow even after pink abandoned it. the only other homeworld structure that tends to organic life is the human zoo. who’s to say the garden wasn’t another attempt by the other diamonds to placate pink after she expressed concern for the life on one of their colonies? or maybe pink picked the plants herself from the many different colonies she visited and grew them there.
pink wasn’t perfect. she had a bad habit of acting on her emotions and impulses without considering the consequences of her actions, and she hurt a lot of people because of it. but she considered all life precious and worth protecting, it just wasn’t until she had a colony of her own that she fully understood that the expansion of homeworld was intrinsically linked to the destruction of life, and the moment she realised that is the moment she stood against it.
#steven universe#su pink diamond#this post is almost 5 years too late lol#like padparadscha by the time my thoughts have found their way from my brain to my mouth the moment is long gone#but a hot take is a hot take even if it’s been in a slow cooker#i just think people are sleeping on the pebbles and the scene with the little rainbow catipillar#there always seemed to be a sentiment that pink was an inherently cruel person and that she didn’t care about anything before earth?#and that her care for life was either superficial or out of left field#but something my brain keeps rotating round is that she was always like this she always cared for other life forms but never took them#seriously. she always cared about them but never really paid close attention to how they were. and it was something she learnt off of the#other diamonds who treated her exactly the same as she treated everybody else. they loved her but they didn’t understand her and they#never made an effort to change that. and they never thought about how their actions made her feel or whether she was responding to their#own outbursts and emotions. and she never considered how her actions would make other people feel.#she didn’t think how her screaming would hurt volleyball until it happened. she didn’t consider how all-encompassing her orders to spinel#and pearl and potentially garnet were. she didn’t think about how spinel would be hurt by being left behind and quite frankly i do think#she completely forgot spinel existed once she became preoccupied with saving earth which is horrible but also makes total sense for her#character who from creation was taught that other gems were worth less than her and that they existed only to serve her or her fellow#diamonds; and as somebody who was used to the concept of being left behind and abandoned whenever the people she cared about got bored#or annoyed with her. it hurts but it’s a part of life to her. what she didn’t consider js that her words are law and she left spinel with#no free-will. she left pearl physically unable to share important information and solve the problems she left behind.#and she doesn’t consider how her death will make others feel - she doesn’t think the diamonds will care that she dies but they do and they#murder all of her friends except for two. she thinks the crystal gems will be fine without her if she says goodbye to become steven but#they aren’t and a good portion of the show is about the gems grief and how it creates an unstable environment for steven to grow up in#consistently pink diamond was taught her feelings didn’t matter and was made to feel nobody cared about her if they weren’t compelled to#and that compiled with the privileged position she was formed into made her an insecure spoiled brat who had no comprehension that her#choices could hurt people around her#did she ever even consider that the diamonds were grieving her? or did she think it was just another action of violence to exert control?#i don’t think i’ll ever be over pink diamond#funnily enough steven has a similar problem e.g. sadie’s talent show and when connie was upset he gave himself up to homeworld#but that’s a discussion for when i’m not at tag limit lol
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meatmensch · 2 months
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The people that have abandoned me really need to stop talking to me like they have any right to tell me what to do, or I swear to God, I'm gonna get the FUCKING hammer.
#inspired by my bitch of a mother sending me a text that basically said u need to get ur life together#as i always say! LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE!#this woman's life is a dumpster fire#and she specifically said 'i won't financially support u. i'll always be there for u but that's a conditional statement'#which is INSANE because that don't make no sense AND she has NEVER financially supported me? genuinely why does she think she has any#fucking right...😭😭😭#meanwhile. my dad. during the shitstorm that has been my family's existence lately. is being way more lax about me getting a job and moving#out than he has been in the past. because some fucks despite being shitheads aren't total assholes#this post is also inspired by my insufferable sister who fucked off to another fucking continent when i was 7 and treats me...well. exactly#how u would expect an upper middle class dumb jock to treat her awesome nerd little brother. and is always telling me i'm making#the wrong fucking decisions and judging me.#these ppl r so funny bc they think this is normal and that i will endure it bc the power of love or what the fuck ever. wrong! i have been#on the brink of cutting off my entire family since i was fourteen. now that i actually have the power to do some cutting off i'll be honest#i feel pretty great#it is all of course a horrible nightmare and i wish things were different etc etc etc. but in the words of supernatural. i was always going#to end up here.#while i am thinking about such things what's my other sister's deal? she has not reached out to me for years. it was like i turned 18 and#she was like ok who cares abt this dude now#which was incredibly bizarre and makes me feel like a stupid idiot who did something wrong but i know i didn't. and she was always the most#supportive of my siblings. i don't know what her problem is#in her defense her life has been weird lately. but 'lately' has lasted long enough that it's just her life now. and whenever i try to be th#one to reach out she basically gives me...nothing.#while i am thinking about such things i will acknowledge the slays. my one totally kickass sister who is the only other one of my siblings#who understands anything. i am rly grateful for her and she has been so good to me for so long especially during the recent shitstorm#she is moving very far away and that has brought up my abandonment issues but i genuinely am so happy for her and her family and she is ver#adamant about me visiting and PAYING for the visit (or at least doing the scamming that pays for the visit so i don't have to pay lol) and#making sure i'll be ok.#it's not all bad! i am going to be ok! there r so many people in my life who love me and love me in a way that makes sense to me and doesn'#make me feel like the world's worst man#personal log
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I haven't talked to a friend in a few months but I want to, so I just texted a picture of my dog in hopes that that will start a conversation. Cuz I miss her but don't know how to start conversations.
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andthemoonwalks · 4 months
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AOUGH the the dynamic between everything I've ever let go of has claw marks in it and the person I am is just pieces of the people I have known
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likelylarks · 1 year
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:/
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dirt-str1der · 1 year
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I literally had a dream about reading the worst fan fiction like fucking ever kiryu was just randomly a yandere and nishiki was trying his best to survive also kiryu turned into a dragon (deez nuts) halfway and let nishiki kill him for being a bad boy but he was so upset about having to kill his bro that he just lay in the corpse for a bit and thats when i decided to stop reading and i literally opened tumblr in my dream to complain about how bad it was like the writing went back and forth from being terrible to incredible and i found myself enjoying some parts and despising others. I skipped the first few chapters so i had to tab back out and read the summary like why are they in a beach resort and the summary didnt just tell me nothing but it was also double spaced between each line and very fucking irritating and while reading it i kept thinking this is extremely ooc and boring like they would not fucking say that
#Listen to my problems#i cant stress enough that i dont even ship them why did i read a sex fic about kiryu and nishikiyamer#like i believe they are the bestest of friends forever and ever and like as hotblooded young men growing up together they must have tried a#few sex moves on each other at least once but i dont think they see each other as romantic prospects. like unlike majima and saejima#(seajima) who are literally together all the time and will never travel anywhere without the other unless its to prison. kiryu and nishiki#have this understanding that eventually theyll have to part ways and find their own path. while they would always remain in each others#hearts and thoughts they knew that they couldnt be holding hands forever and besides they have to focus on getting kazama to the top not#each other !! so nishiki was very happy that kiryu was getting his own family soon even if it meant that kiryu was getting ‘ahead’ of him#and kiryu who can accept consequences for himself but no one else was just like um ... well nishiki please give me the gun and take yumi#your sister needs you or whatever <3 i am definitely expendble and prison life is for me yayy yayyyy i love going to jail so nobody can talk#to me ever again. i keep asking myself how difficult it would have been for kiryu to just pop in by the hospital every now and then to check#in on nishikis sister. its not like he cant take care of her. its not like he doesnt know how to earn money. he just straight up thinks that#nishiki is better than him so he should be the one to get locked up ... because nishiki can take care of yumi and i straigh up forgot his si#sisters name and reina and kazama without him. and nishikis like damn i wish kiryu was here so bad (looks at his wwkd bracelet) hm think ill#go insane. i literally forgot what my original point was but that fic was so bad guys im so glad it doesnt exist#in it kiryu was trying his best to keep nishiki in one place and he kept being very. well kiryu was just kiryu but he kept apologising#saying things like you cant leave yet ... and looking at him with his big sad eyes and nishiki would always be like f-fine ... (he doesnt#like it here) also nishiki was one hell of a princess type and had a nurse costume on at some point which means the yakuza server nishiki#propoganda is working on me. very weird. love the part when kiryu was randomly a big dragon because he utterly filled the hallways of their#little beach shack and his scales were nice and soft and he was lovely. little guy
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groupwest · 1 year
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my brain can’t do anything so i’m beating her to death
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tardis--dreams · 1 year
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To summarize today's day in university:
- got diagnosed with social phobia by a class mate (bitch?!)
- heard a Very cool lecture/presentation by a guest lecturer
- our lecturer said she kinda liked our idea for our presentation
- had lunch with friends in the uni canteen which was nice but evoked some existential despair
#about that social phobia thing: first she showed me the term on her phone during a seminar (when she couldn't talk loudly)#asking if i had that to which i said no i do not?!#then after class she again said 'i think you have social phobia. because you don't like talking to people or in class' *nodding knowingly*#to which i again said i did Not have it but ok whatever#because hello?! the only person allowed to say i have social anxiety is Me. fuck you?!#like I DO say i have social anxiety because i do i guess. but a) not talking in class is not an indicator for this#b) i Do talk in class lmao. and I've never actually had any problems around her regarding anxiety#like i have no problem talking to classmates or saying something in the classes we have together so Fuck Off?!#(i mean it is a giant problem sometimes in some contexts but STILL. YOU DON'T GET TO 'DIAGNOSE' ME.#i hereby officially undiagnose myself from that thank you very much)#ANYWAY do you know the feeling of meeting someone you really look up to like maybe an author or a musician or whatever in REAL LIFE#AND YOU GET TO TALK TO THEM? that excitement where you're like 'omg i can't believe that's happening i can't believe you're here in a room#with me TALKING TO ME? and I get to hear about something unpublished you're working on rn?? like exclusive insight into current research???#that was me today during that presentation by that guest lecturer! I've read most of her articles and at some point idk i guess you find#researchers in your field whose work you just find Very interesting and then when you get to meet them it feels a little unreal#(not to fangirl over a linguist or anything. i rarely do that (don't speak to me about my favorite lecturer who i also totally don't see as#a huge inspiration or anything))#but yeah also i was so worried about the presentation next week but now our lecturer said she didn't hate the topic I'm more chill about it#AND yeah sorry folks‚ healthcare doesn't exist here :( no i can't help you find a doctor there's no hope just accept it#I LOVE the fact that international students keep bringing up this topic! the sheer despair and Anxiety you get to hear about! fantastic!#like I'm sorry about this obviously but that's just how we live here? What do you MEAN in your country you just can go to a doctor FOR FREE#and they'll help you? what yeah man I'll come to Russia with you! (seriously. this is one of the main things preventing people from staying#here. the absolute Lack of healthcare. people who are like 'yeah i love it here but honestly? I'm too scared something might happen#and then no one will help me.. yep. understandable. i have just accepted that i will die due to this#but if you have the option to go (back) to a country where things are different I'd do that tbh.#(sorry just normal lunch conversation topics we have here#i still feel very nice and fuzzy because i was invited ahahaha (i have a sad life lmao))#shut up amy#university ramblings
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i really want to be all grown up and keep up with the news but
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29121996 · 1 year
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anyway.
#shit w my mother has still be going and its hit the fan and . shes cut me off lol.#but she'll send me sister a paragraph saying how much she loves her and misses her n my brother !!!!#but i get a text basically saying: lol im cutting u off and out of my life. deleting ur number and bloxking it :) and youre not getting#your stuff back anytime soon :)#like ok. shes got $5k woryh of kpop shit and other stuff of mine !!!!!!!!!#but im not egen ypset abt that im taking this so personally#even tho i shouldny bc even my dad said this has no reflection on me#and that this is all on her and that shes awful for tjis#and i KNOW this has nothibg to do with me as a person. that she just doesnt Like me and never has#but knowing shes gonna be doibg this for 'her mental health' as if im the fucking problem. as if im not the kid shes trsumatised#more than anythibg else in my life#more than my siblings havr been.#knoeing my siblings basically did tbe EXACT same shit i did this time.#it fucking HURTS lmao. everytume i cry abt this it feels like im being ripped into a million pieces.#it took me 24hrs to process what shed even saud bc i looked at it like ????#but thrn saw the mssg she sent my sister ajd it fucking hit me. she doesnt fuckibg love me lmao#and i . i just cwnt stop being upset abt it. like im GLAD shes done this. bc i wasnt planning on talking to her agaib. but after shed g#dropped my shit off. bur now shes got it over my head and i cant do ANYTHIBG abiut it. shes so fucking cruel.#my mere existence has vothered her from the moment i was born and it just .#anyway im absoluyely noy doing well st all.#esp not today.#god i wish i could show yall the text she sent me but im not exposing my life like that#even tho i practically am ! but . photographic text . is something else.#side note ive cried so fucking hard the bottom of my right lense has a lil pool of water from my tears 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#awful.
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