#he faces down the abuse again and almost dies for it because his brothers needed him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

i-spaced-sorry · 1 year

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I just wanted to tell you that I love your writing so much!!!!

Also I was wondering if you could please write a Jay Helstead x little sister reader??

Like maybe Jay has had custody of her since she was a baby and now she starts asking questions about their parents. Like why it has only ever been Jay taking care of her and where is her mom? Maybe the reader is like 6, just started kindergarten and maybe this is what stems the question asking (other kids talking about their own parents and asking why the reader only ever talks about Jay)

Thank you for all that you do

this is 100% your choice and feel free to make any changes

Hi! Thanks for requesting! I hope you like it, it kind of went dark! I'm also enjoying playing around with writing time skips, so I hope you enjoy that (if not, sorry)

TW: mention of past abuse, mention of death during childbirth

Title: Why?

“Why” you asked while you sat down to eat your cereal.

Almost dropping the coffee pot, you watched as your brother Jay placed it back on the machine and sighed, “I thought we left this stage when you were 3”

“No, why” you tried again, beginning to whine when your brother didn’t understand your vague question.

Sitting across from you at the table, Jay placed his coffee down and asked, “why, what? I need more than just a word.”

You chewed your cereal bite and swallowed before you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand.

“Why is it just you and me and occasionally Will? What happened to mommy and daddy?”

Jay knew this day was coming. Though he was hoping it wouldn’t happen until you were at least out of elementary school. But he should have known better, 6yr olds are relentless if he remembered his time in school correctly.

“Uh, just because it was easier this way. Can I ask where this is coming from?”

***

“And where did she say it was coming from?” asked Hailey, while the two of them sat in the surveillance van watching the corner store for their suspect.

Continuing the look through the binoculars, Jay responded, “some of her friends were talking about how they were excited for some donuts and dads party their class is having in a few weeks.”

“Okay, follow up question, what did you tell her when she asked?” asked Hailey, putting a pin in the stupid class party that definitely is leaving kids who don’t have dads out.

Turning to face his partner, he wiped his hand down his face and sighed, “I panicked and told her it was easier this way.”

“Jay. You didn’t answer her question at all.”

“I know, but what was I supposed to say? Hey Y/N, you live with me because mom died during childbirth and dad went off the rails and abused you mentally for the first 3 yrs of your life and it wasn’t until I came home from the War that I realized how bad it had got and now dad is in jail and you have a restraining order against him where if he comes within 50 ft of you, I’m allowed to tackle him and call the police on him? Yea, I’ll pass”

Laughing slightly at her partner's bluntness, Hailey replied, “I’m not saying say all that to your 6yr old sister. But I do think she deserves some explanation”

When she notices her partner opening his mouth to protest, she adds,

“Age appropriate Jay. Age appropriate.”

You were sitting at the kitchen table coloring, while your babysitter for the evening, Stella, was putting together your after school snack.

“Okay munchkin, here is your snack” she said as she placed your apple slices and peanut butter beside you. Seeing your paper she asked curiously, “what ya coloring there?”

Not looking up you replied, “a picture duh”

“Okay sassy pants” was all Stella replied before walking away trying to process what you drew.

When Jay got home, he thanked Stella and walked her to the door.

“Thanks again, Eva was stuck studying for her final exams and I didn’t want her to be torn away every few minutes to deal with the monkey”

While shrugging on her coat, Stella smiled, “it’s no problem. I like hanging out with Y/N. Though, I don’t know what’s going on with her, but she was drawing some interesting pictures this afternoon”

That caught Jay’s attention, “interesting how?” he probed.

“Nothing bad, just she was drawing a shadowy figure outside the house, you, Will, and her were inside, but she was crying in her drawing.”

Sighing, Jay replied, “thanks”

And with that Stella left and he shut the door behind her and turned around.

“Now or never” he muttered.

Walking over to where you were eating dinner, Jay sat down.

“Do you want to hear about why it’s just you and me and occasionally Will?”

You looked up from your spaghetti, “Yes!” you just about screamed while nodding your head insistently.

“Okay, so when you were being born, mommy was not very well. The doctors had to make a decision. And I want you to know the decision that was made is not and will never be your fault.”

You felt tears prick your eyes, “mommy died?”

Jay felt his own eyes prick, “Yes, but I will tell you as many stories about her. Whenever you want. And I bet you, Will, will too , if you ask him nicely.”

You stared for a few moments taking everything in. “Okay, so that explains mommy. What about daddy?”

Jay didn’t really know how to appropriately tell you that your dad had abused you, so he went with a toddler age appropriate response and hoped you wouldn’t probe for more.

“So, when mommy died, I went away right”

“To fight a war!” you inserted!

Nodding, Jay kept going, “yes, to fight a war. So it was just you and dad. But dad was really sad about mom and he did some bad things. Will and I didn’t know what these bad things entailed until I came home and Will came back from school for the summer.”

“Bad things?” you inquired.

Mentally screaming fuck, Jay calmly replied, “he was hurting and took it out on others and was just not being a good dad. So he had to go away for a long time.”

“But why you? Why not Will or grandma or grandpa?” you probed.

“Will was still in school and wasn’t in a good spot to care for himself, go to school, and care for you. Grandma and Grandpa both have their own slew of health issues and we thought it would be better if they didn’t have to restart the parenting process. I had come home from the war for good by that time and it was decided I had the most stable housing and money coming in. So that’s how it was decided it would be me, you, and occasionally Will.”

You thought for a few minutes, taking in everything you just learned. When you finally slipped out of your chair, came around the table and hugged your brother exclaiming, “thank you” over and over again.

#jay halstead imagine #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead x sister #jay halstead x sister reader #halstead!sister #chicago pd x reader #chicago pd imagine

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unreliablesnake · 1 year

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Hold it together when the world’s on fire (Simon “Ghost” Riley x reader)

Summary: After Soap dies during a mission, Ghost suffers from survivor’s guilt and depression. You’re there by his side both during and between missions, but sometimes you wonder if you’re enough to help him through this.

Note: Based on “Hold it together” and “World’s on fire” by Mike Shinoda. Soap, I’m so sorry. You were loved by all of us. Alex is a part of the team. Unedited story because I'm too lazy after work. What do you think?

Warnings: major character death (obviously), drug abuse, reader has a sister, brother-in-law, nephew, and parents.

Neither of you handled Soap's funeral well.

You took Simon's hand the moment he returned to stand by your side, squeezing it tightly when he looked down at you for a moment. He had fallen apart after Soap died, and he hadn't been himself ever since. But you were there by his side, and so was the rest of the team.

His eyes were shining from a few stray teardrops, something you never thought you would see on a man like him. Maybe watching as they buried the casket made it real, made him understand that he truly lost one of his brothers. Because that's what Soap was–his brother.

It should've been me. I shouldn't have sent him there. I fucked up, it's on me. If I went there myself he would still be alive.

Price had said it was probably the survivor's guilt speaking when he said these things. It shocked you at first, not understanding how he could say something like this, and making you wonder if he truly believed what he told you. You'd been together for almost two years now, but you'd never seen him be this low.

"Are you okay?" you asked quietly, putting a hand on his arm while you sat in the backseat of a car with him.

Price was driving, taking Gaz, Simon and you back to the hotel you were staying in. Laswell and Alex were closely behind, probably talking about work as usual on the way there.

You waited for Simon's answer, but he was just staring ahead without saying a word. In the rearview mirror your gaze met Gaz's, and he flashed a supportive smile at you when he noticed the worried look on your face.

Back in the hotel Price asked the two of you to follow him to somewhere less crowded, then told Simon it wouldn't be wise to let him back on the field just yet. "You need some time to get your head on straight," he said. "I'll send you the contact info of a therapist who specializes in these cases."

"I'm fine," he told him darkly.

But the captain wasn't stupid. "You're clearly not."

When your boyfriend took a deep breath, ready to speak up again, you placed a hand on his shoulder to get his attention. "He's right, Simon, you need time. Be happy that you'll have the whole bed to yourself when I'm gone," you added with a small laugh, hoping this could cheer him up a little.

"Oh, no, you're staying home with him," Price informed you. "You'll make sure he's okay."

It was an order. There was no need for you to try and resist, so you just nodded. Simon suddenly took your hand, but he didn't look at you. He didn't even look at his superior, instead his gaze turned to his shoes.

Two days later the trip from Scotland to England passed mostly in silence. Simon still didn't feel like talking, the only sounds leaving his lips were quiet yeses and nos, maybe mixed with an occasional I don't know.

"I'll take a shower then hit the bed," he said when you entered your apartment in the evening.

After driving for four hours, it wasn't surprising to hear him say that. You didn't question if he was tired or depressed. Probably both, deep down you knew that, but you were clever enough not to push him. "He'll come out of his shell and talk to you when he's ready," Laswell had assured you when you said goodbye.

Later in the night you woke up, instinctively knowing Simon wasn't sleeping well. Another nightmare. You could tell that from the rapid way his chest was heaving, how he was tossing and turning, and how he mumbled a few words in his sleep, as if he was hurrying someone to move.

Maybe he was talking to Soap. Again.

But it didn't seem to be a severe one, there was no need to wake him up just yet. So you let out a sigh then leaned over to put a hand on his cheek and give him a very soft kiss. Sometimes it helped to calm him down, it was worth a try this time too.

Simon stopped moving around and from what you could tell, his breathing also slowed down. Good. You laid back down to get back to sleep yourself, but soon you felt his arm wrap around your waist as he pulled you close to him.

"Thank you," he whispered into the nape of your neck, probably still half asleep.

••••••••

The weekend arrived soon, and you were invited by your sister to your nephew's sixth birthday party. Simon liked that kid, so you convinced him to jump in, give him his present, and say hi. "We don't have to stay long," you told him kindly before leaving the apartment.

"Maybe being among people will avert my thoughts for a while," he said, surprising you with this answer. Seeing the look on your face, he was quick to add his therapist was the one to suggest this.

There were a bunch of noisy kids at the party, with their parents standing in smaller groups, talking to each other. You didn't know most of them, so you and Simon flocked with your family in the living room, while the rest of the guests were outside with the children.

Your family knew about Soap's death. Well, they knew a friend of yours had died, so they were extra nice with Simon that day. Every time someone new arrived, they asked you two how you were holding up. He didn't really know what to say apart from a short fine.

When it was time for the cake, everybody gathered outside around a table and watched as the kids went crazy from the sugar rush. Some guy came over to your small group that included your sister, your brother-in-law, and your parents, and a guy you didn't know who brought up his three kids and some weird joke they brought back home after a sleepover.

"What has two legs and bleeds?" Simon suddenly asked, surprising you by speaking up for the first time that day. Your family glanced over at him with a concerned look, and you were just about to stop him when he said, "Half a dog."

No one laughed.

"Who the fuck says such a joke on a kid's birthday party?" asked the unknown guy, sounding offended by the joke.

Simon casually looked around, then he turned back to the man and spoke in the most uninterested voice you'd ever heard from him. "I don't see any kids nearby," he stated.

"Simon!" you warned him, only to earn a raised eyebrow from your boyfriend.

After a few seconds of silently staring at each other–you waiting for an apology, him waiting for an explanation as to why his joke was inappropriate–he eventually raised his hands and told you he would wait in the car.

Letting out a sigh, you turned to your sister with an apologetic smile. "I'm so sorry, he hasn't been himself lately. It would be for the best if we left now. Thank you for everything," you said quickly, then rushed out of the garden as fast as you could.

His dark sense of humor was lovely, but it definitely didn't belong to a six year old kid's birthday party. It was painful to see him be so out of place, especially since he had a good relationship with your nephew. But today there was no sign of it, he barely interacted with the boy.

Once you were sitting in the passenger seat of the car, you turned to him and asked, "Are you okay?"

"It was just a stupid joke," he muttered under his breath.

You wanted to tell him that the guy had been right about this not being the time and place for this particular joke, but in the end you remained silent. Deep down you knew he knew it was a small mistake, although you also knew that he wouldn't admit that, not even to you.

Instead of giving him a lecture, you just leaned over to pull him into a tight hug, stroking his back with your hand. "It's okay," you told him. "I'm sure they understand."

••••••••

"Hey, John," you said into the phone as you walked down an aisle in the grocery store.

"How's Simon?" asked the captain, sounding just as concerned as he had been ever since Soap's death. You came to a halt and remained silent which obviously caught his attention. "That bad?"

You let out a sigh and picked up a cereal to take a closer look at it. "No, I just tried to figure out what to say. I mean, he's better than he was two weeks ago, but he still zones out sometimes, he barely sleeps, like two or three hours tops. And even then he often has nightmares."

"And how's therapy going?"

"He's there two times a week. It's helping, he sometimes does or says things he heard there. But he still blames himself, and he still says every now then that it should have been him who died that day," you added with a groan. It was hard to hear it, and it was just as hard to talk about it.

Price remained silent on the other end of the line, either trying to process what he just heard or thinking about how to continue. Maybe it was both, you weren't sure. "When do you think he can come back?" he asked.

That was a good question. "Honestly, he would go back right away if he could. He says it would take his mind off of everything, but I'm not sure," you admitted.

"Yeah, he didn't sound convincing to me either," he replied with a sigh. "I talked to Alex, he's okay with keeping an eye on him on the field, and you could join his group to be there, but–"

"Would that be a good idea? Wouldn't he be afraid of losing me too?" you asked, interrupting him.

In the beginning you worked with Simon, but once you got together and the team found out, John insisted on separating the two of you. He wasn't sure if Simon could give you strict orders on the field, if he wouldn't favor you over Soap–which was something he definitely didn't need on his team.

"That's true," Price admitted. "But you know more about how to comfort him now than any of us. Maybe you could help him focus."

As you put two bottles of soda into your shopping cart, you thought about his suggestion. It could work, you and Alex being there by his side to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. But what if you get separated on the field? You can't be glued together all the time.

So you took a deep breath and began to walk again. "We can give it a shot. I'll talk to him when I get home and see if he'd still like to go back to work," you said.

"All right. Send me a text with his answer," Price asked you. "Take care, we'll talk later."

You said goodbye and ended the call, putting the device into the pocket of your jacket. A quiet voice in the back of your mind kept telling you it was a bad idea, that maybe it would only put Simon in danger. He still wasn't himself, he probably wouldn't be able to give out proper orders just yet.

When you got home, the apartment was empty and eerily quiet. He was probably still in the gym, the only place where he could be alone according to him. Then you remembered something from the past. You suddenly began to laugh at the memory of all of those stupid little competitions Soap had started with Simon in the gym, both of them eager to prove they were faster, stronger, and had better stamina than the other.

To pass the time, you sat down on the couch and opened a streaming service on the TV to see if there was anything to watch until he got home. But you were just flipping through the titles, one less exciting than the other–your mind was way too worried about Simon to even think about entertainment.

Then you finally heard the lock turn and he finally entered the apartment, throwing his duffel bag near the living room door before walking over to the couch. "What are you doing?" he asked, his eyes momentarily turning to the screen. "You're not watching anything?"

"No. But I have a feeling I won't watch anything in the end," you told him with a short laugh, your eyes moving up from his crotch to his masked face.

There was a strange look in his eyes, one you hadn't seen in a while now. He looked excited and energized, not like someone who just returned from a two-hour workout session. There was also a hint of desire, although you weren't quite sure about that.

You hadn't had sex with him since the incident, but you knew that despite desperately wanting every piece of him, you had to be patient. He would come around eventually, but he had bigger problems than satisfying your needs right now.

"Good," he said, drawing a questioning hum out of you.

But Simon remained silent, he only took off his mask that landed on the couch next to you, then leaned down to scoop you up. With your hands automatically moving to the back of his neck, you took a closer look at him. You were right, that look in his eyes definitely mirrored his desire.

But his pupils weren't right, they were dilated. It could be because of the dim lights of the living room, but you were afraid it meant something else, something more dangerous. Could he be stupid enough to use drugs with his brother's history?

He lowered your body onto the bed before gently kicking your legs wider apart to get into position between them. His hands were resting next to your head, and he slowly leaned down to give you a soft kiss, one that became deeper, hungrier, and more feral as the seconds passed.

"Simon," you tried weakly as his lips moved on to your neck.

"Shhh," he tried to silence you.

But you didn't want to stay quiet, you wanted to ask him if he was high. So you reached out to seal his mouth with your hand, causing him to let out a deep growl. He opened his mouth and tried to bite you gently, but you gave him a warning look that made him stop.

You curled the fingers of your other hand around his muscular shoulder, stroking the rough skin with your thumb as you looked him in the eye. "Give me an honest answer, Simon. Are you high?" you asked him seriously.

Instead of replying, he reached up to peel your fingers off of himself then intertwined his fingers with yours and pressed them against the bed above your head. "I missed you so fucking much, sweetheart," he murmured against your lips.

"Answer my question."

He raised his head to look you in the eye and let out a sigh. "Do we really have to do this?" You raised an eyebrow at him, getting fed up with his bullshit. The more he avoided the answer, the more suspicious you were. "Fuck," he muttered under his breath.

Suddenly he let go of you and sat down on the other side of the bed, his head buried in his hands. "Simon, drugs won't solve your problem," you said the obvious as you sat up as well and buried your fingers in his hair. "Listen, I talked to John today and we were discussing whether or not you should go back to work."

His eyes found your face, eagerly waiting for you to continue. You weren't mad at him, you were just sad that he made the wrong choice. You thought he was getting better, that he had learned how to handle his grief by now, but apparently you were wrong.

"Was this your first time?" you asked him quietly, and he nodded in response. "Can it stay this way? Can you resist the urge to use this shit again?"

"If it means I can go back, then yes," came his response.

You let out a sigh and took his hand in yours. "Alex and I will work with you when you return," you began to explain. "John asked him to keep an eye on you until you get used to being back on the field. But after tonight…"

Your voice faded and he knew what it meant. "I already told you, it was a one-time thing," he assured you quietly, leaning over to rest his forehead against yours. "I saw what drugs did to Tommy, I won't make the same mistake, I promise. I just… I was in the gym and remembered something and I just needed something to take my mind off of everything, you know?"

"Mmm-hmm," you hummed before placing a soft kiss on his cheek. "Listen, I'll buy some drug tests and you'll do one every day for the next… Let's say ten days. If you're always clean, I'll tell John that you're ready to return."

Simon let out a sigh, but he nodded eventually. When you flashed a sweet smile at him, his hand moved under your shirt, long fingers moving up your spine that made you arch your back a little. "I'm so fucking hard, baby, why don't we do something about it, huh?" he asked as he kissed your neck.

"You should get some sleep," you told him, although your voice came out as a whisper.

"It's been so long, I'm sure you've been missing me. I should fuck your sweet, beautiful brains out before sleeping," he mumbled against your skin, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine.

Every cell in your body was craving him, but the fact he was high on some shit told you it was the perfect opportunity to teach him a lesson. You take drugs? Fine, no sex for you. So you pushed him away and cleared your throat as you gave him an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry, but not tonight."

"Are you punishing me for being high for once in my entire fucking life?" he asked, sounding angry.

You nodded. "I prefer it when you're clean," you said, then climbed out of bed and returned to the living room.

••••••••

Three weeks later you could finally join the team again, but everybody seemed to be walking on eggshells around Simon. He noticed and he hated it, but decided not to say anything. He only mentioned it to you, telling you how frustrating he found this treatment.

"It's good to see you again, Ghost," Alex said with a wide smile when the two of you walked over to him for the first time.

Simon nodded and shook his hand. "So you'll be my babysitter, huh?"

"Yeah, it seems like it. But whatever you say goes. I'll only step in if something's wrong with the order in that situation," he assured him.

You gulped, carefully examining Simon's eyes through his plastic skull mask. When you looked over at Alex, you noticed he was doing the same, cautiously watching the lieutenant and trying to decide his movements.

Before he could say anything, Gaz showed up, telling you Price's briefing was about to begin. You followed him, and inside you and Simon sat down next to each other.

You soon saw him rapidly tapping his feet out of the corner of your eye, so you reached out and placed a hand on his knee to calm him down. He glanced over at you, then put his hand on top of yours, his fingers carefully leaving with your own.

After an hour or so everybody left the room, but the two of you stayed behind, silently agreeing to have a quick chat. You looked around, making sure there was truly no one left there, and then pulled up his mask to his nose so you could give him a gentle kiss.

Soon you pulled the mask back down and looked at him with a small smile. "I'm proud of you, Simon. You seem to be a lot better lately."

"I am better," he told you with a sigh. "I'll keep going to therapy when we're home. And if it wasn't for you…"

With a short laugh, you reached out and took his hand. "I'll always be here for you. Never forget that," you said.

"I love you."

It had been a while since he had last told you this. It was as if his brain had forgotten how to say these words, but you knew it wasn't intentional. So you flashed the brightest smile at him before you replied, "I love you too."

#call of duty #simon ghost riley #simon riley #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #ghost #ghost x reader #modern warfare #mw2 #john soap mactavish #modern warfare ii #john mactavish #john price #kyle garrick #kate laswell #alex keller #modern warfare 2

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cherryanony · 2 months

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IN DEFENSE OF ELENA GILBERT: Why Do Yall Hate Emotional Women?

Vampire Diaries - Elena Gilbert pictured doing nothing wrong

HUMBLE BEGINNINGS

I started watching The Vampire Diaries back in 2016, right as it was coming to its long overdue close. To say I was obsessed was an understatement.

I would spend hours, days, WEEKS, consuming fan content, rewatching episodes and scenes over and over agin, discussing stupid plot points and writing descions that were made and throughout all of that one question has always dangled over my head...

Why does everybody hate Elena Gilbert?

Despite The Vampires Diaries being a dark supernatural teen drama filled to the brim with freaks & weirdos, murderers, psychopaths, evil forces and THE ACTUAL LITERAL DEVIL... Elena Gilbert reigns as the most hated character on the show by viewers.

But, why?

Elena Gilbert starts off the show as a 17 year old teenage girl who just experienced some of the craziest trauma any person, let alone TEENAGER, could ever go through. She was in the car with her parents when they died off Wickory Bridge and now suffers from a serious case of survivors guilt, a trait and mo motif she struggles with and must come to terms with throughout the show.

She falls for two vampire brothers who bring nothing but more hell into her life, she finds out she's adopted, her birth mother is a vampire and a piece of shit, her birth father is her insane negligent Uncle John, she's lost more loved ones than one can count over and over again, and she's constantly paranoid and never safe because she's a doppleganger with special blood that many dangerous supernatural creatures want.

"But she's whinyyy and a crybabyyy😩..."

As if one of her friends or family aren't on the brink of death every episode. Elena didn't do enough crying if we're being honest.

Elena is by no means a perfect, innocent character. A lot of people are right about her flaws; she can be very selfish with a what-about-me & and look-at-me-this-isn't-you complex and she's constantly getting away with a lot shit since she's the main character. And a lot people say she never faces any consequences but.... she does.... and it's called...

VAMPIRE!ELENA

THAT'S IT! That's where everyone says her character went completely wrong, her character completely falls apart. But I'd argue that Vampire!Elena is a culmination of all her descions coming back to bite her in the ass.

Throughout S1-3, Elena struggles with survivors guilt. She should've gone off the bridge with her parents. She's depressed, she's moody, she's "whiny" all while feeling like the supposed "love of her life" is trying to "fix her" when she's not ready.

In season 4 episode 10, Elena clearly states that Stefan looks at her like she's a broken toy that needs to be fixed. I could go on a whole rant on what I think Stefan's problems are but to sum it all up — Stefan turned into a vampire at 17 years old — a teenager — and spends his entire vampire life struggling with his heightened personality and his Ripper Gene which led him down a path to losing everyone he's ever loved.

(He killed his own abusive father, lost his best friend due to his own brother who he forced to turn with him and now wants him dead after a wedge is driven between them.)

I say all that to say I get Stefan's character. He's scared and insecure, similar to Elena, to be alone and lose everyone he cares about. However, all of his efforts to better himself and relationships only drives people away. People bring up Damon killing Elena's brother, Jeremy, all the time

(again.. HE WAS WEARING THE GILBERT RING! HE'S FINE! YOU DON'T ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT JEREMY, NOBODY DOES!)

But NOBODY talks about Stefan endangering Jeremy and almost getting him killed by forcing him to continue the Hunter's Mark because he thought Elena being human again would make her be in love with him again. (sorry but that's fucking insane😭😭😭!!)

Stefan wasn't only afraid of losing Elena, he was also afraid of losing her to his brother. All these efforts drove Elena away, right into the arms of the person he wanted to keep her away from.

I think Elena felt as if Stefan was just like everyone else who wanted "the old Elena" back. The person that Elena use to be before the accident that the show alludes to in the first season. But that Elena is dead and gone, she'll never be the same person she was before going off that bridge. Apart of her died that night and again when she went off the bridge for the second time and became a vampire.

Elena struggles with being a vampire and basically dying twice and instead of being supportive Stefan immediately wants to fix and change her. Damon is the only one she feels free and alive with. A statement Elena makes herself throughout the show. Despite the stupid discourse over the Sire Bond, Damon was the one she felt the safest with after that plotline was resolved.

But enough about comparing those brothers, this is about ELENA! You know who she gets compared to..?

KATHERINE

KATHERINE IS A LOSER!

Before you raise your pitchforks, I love Katherine. Great character, great villain, but she's a loser!

People LOVE to compare Katherine and Elena!

"Katherine's such a badass and Elena is a whiny crybaby." But I would argue the opposite.

See Katherine's backstory here, despite everything Katherine's been through, the show makes a point that while, yes, Katherine is a survivor, she's also an avoidant runner. She spends 500 years running from the big bad Klaus and once he fianlly lets her go she continues torture, manipulate, and harrass people.

She continues her streak of only whining and complaining about the life she never had because of the things that happened to her, which... fair!

However, despite being given several chances with a romance with Elijah, a life with her daughter as a mother, all the people she's ever wronged helping her and forgiving her on her death bed, taking over Elena's body and essentially starting over in a new life and even being THE QUEEN OF HELL... it was never enough. Nothing was ever enough for Katherine.

She was given many chances to change, to finally LIVE HER LIFE but she chose to continue down her path of destruction. Which, in my opinion, is fine for her character! LET KATHERINE BE THE SAD AND TRAGIC CHARACTER SHE IS! She doesn't have to be some anti-hero badass.

The contrast of Katherine and Elena, two girls who had their lives and innocence stolen from them at a young age thanks to tragic events out of their control and two vampire brothers, is great and executed as well as TVD writing could do (infamously known for shitty writing and plot holes but I digress).

The pieces to the K/E puzzle were so obviously placed, Katherine who was jealous of Elena living the life she never got, chose the path of selfishness and power, and Elena chose the path of love and regrowth and not letting her past define her.

But viewers missed the big picture. Katherine is a survivor but where did that get her? Dead and unloved. Besides freedom from Klaus, she didn't get a single thing she desired. Not a life with Stefan or Elijah or as a mother with her daughter or as Elena Gilbert or Queen of Hell! No! She lost everything and blamed Elena. SHE LOST! SHE'S A LOSER!

She survived, but she didn't live.

In my opinion, Elena is the real survivor. She didn't let her past consume and lead her to a similar fate as Katherine. She chose to be selfless and to love again after being hurt.

She chose to be alive.

SO BACK TO THE PROMPT....

Why do y'all hate emotional women?

"Elena has experienced more grief than anyone I've ever met." - Sherrif Liz Forbes

Every character has went through a lot and have done similar, if not worst, things as Elena as a result yet she's the most hated character?

There's a pattern of fans hating certain female characters who are more sensitive and cry instead of bury their feelings and just punch a man and suddenly get crowned "Most Badass Female Character". Characters, not just female, expressing their emotions is strong and badass and might inspire audiences to do the same and not keep grief in and become self destructive. It's healthy and natural and makes the character not so one note.

It's not fair to compare Elena's trauma and experiences to other characters (espically not Bonnie, that's topic for a whole other post). But why do other characters get a pass despite being ten times more flawed and problematic?

Why are certain characters able to cry, complain, self destruct, fuck someone over, etc but Elena can't?

Genunine question.. let's discuss...

-*- I wasn't able to fully delve into my thoughts on Elena and certain TVD characters, plot points, theme, etc because this post will be 50 pages long. This is the brief version.

***There will be a part 2 to this post where I delve deeper into the trend of hating characters like Elena.

#the vampire diaries #tvd #tvdu #elena gilbert #discussion #fandom #essay #character #for the girls #delena

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the-sage-libriomancer · 6 months

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i've had dysfunctional Honda family on the brain lately, and i got to thinking about Katsuya's sister—better known as Tohru's bitchy aunt who had no respect for Tohru's boundries and treated her like shit. she and Tohru's cousins are set up as an inconsequential first boss, out of Tohru's life and the story halfway through the first act, and then she's barely in the series ever again. canon-wise there's not really much to be said about her: she's a shrill, selfish woman who's basically a Japanese Karen. there isn't anything more to her character, and in the context of the story there doesn't need to be.

but i just got to thinking—what was she like as a kid? what was it like for her growing up, when she had a strict and uncompromising father, a mother who died when she was a teen/young adult, and an older brother who grew up frustrated and repressed?

Tohru's grandfather said that he and Katsuya were always struggling, with Katsuya striving to meet his father's unfair expectations and Tohru's grandfather (who henceforth is going to be called Toshiro bc i can't keep typing out "Tohru's grandfather") unwilling to accept that his son wasn't the person Toshiro wanted him to be. imagine having to live in a house where your older brother and your father are always fighting, where your brother slowly becomes a different person over the years and your father won't stop pointing out everything that's "wrong" with your brother.

(i think it's also important to note that the story takes place approximately from 1999-2001, which means Toshiro is very firmly from the war generation. that almost certainly influenced his values and approach to life, from the sharp focus on education to how he expected "good etiquette" from his children. and i dunno—not to drag a far bigger can of worms into the mix, but i think there is something to be said about how horrific worldwide cruelty deflates into systematic national cruelty which trickles down into mundane societal cruelty that somehow becomes "just the way things are", which feeds nicely into the series' themes of generational trauma and how people come to normalize abuse.)

we don't know much about the Hondas' domestic life, but we do know this: Toshiro was unhappy with his kids and his kids were unhappy with their father. then the mother died and Toshiro lost what was probably his strongest connection to both of them. Katsuya and Toshiro didn't really get along until after Kyoko came into their lives, which was probably a good several years later. meanwhile, we don't know anything about Toshiro's relationship with his daughter, but clearly there isn't the same kind of bad blood between them as there was Katsuya and Toshiro.

and it's just. Katsuya's sister. his younger sister, the one who grew up beside him. a woman who married a faceless (but respectable) man, who has enough money to take vacations and hire private detectives and completely renovate houses, who looks down on Kyoko and can't stop judging her own brother's child for being raised by an ex-delinquent.

do you ever think about it? how the unnamed sister spent her formulative years in a house that was never at peace. her father was proud and stubborn, clearly not willing to deal with anything other than what HE thought was right. her mother likely tried to play peacekeeper, because that's often what the wife is reduced to in a fight between family members, and who knows what her relationships with her kids were like in the face of that. her brother started out as someone like Tohru, but slowly became a different person as their father's expectations pressured him into walling off entire parts of himself. she constantly heard her father talk derisively about Katsuya for being less than his ideal (maybe even to Katsuya's face). and she clearly comes from a high-status family who have no qualms with being assholes toward "unsavory" family members, if the flashbacks to Katsuya's funeral are anything to go by. every time she met with family—aunts and uncles, grandparents, cousins, in-laws, what have you—she was reminded that you had to marry the right sort of person or you would be openly sneered at, receive no help or support, and be virtually disowned.

do you ever think about how she probably absorbed her father's ideas of an acceptable life because that's all she ever learned to value? how she took cues from her other family members and crafted a respectable persona that they would all approve of? that she possibly dotes on her family and supports her son's dream because she never got any of that love and acceptance for herself? her life is one of a stereotypical upper-middle-class suburban housewife, the kind who's obsessed with status and appearances to the point of becoming a shallow, cruel miniboss in a story about far worse cruelties and far less shallow motivations.

listen. listen. Tohru's aunt is an annoying person but also one that's easy to read. she felt "uneasy" around Kyoko. she wanted her son to succeed in life. she judged Tohru—a sweet girl who had literally never done anything of suspicion in her entire life—solely because of Tohru's parentage. she loved her father. she thought her father would support her in deriding the "distasteful" member of the family and she was wrong. she lost her mother at a young age. she refused to see Kyoko as worthy of respect. she thought Tohru was a delinquent like Kyoko who was shacking up with three strange men, but she still called to inform Tohru of Toshiro's illness and offered to go to the parent-teacher's conference with Tohru. her own father called her and her children "nasty by nature." she is a product of her childhood and also a deeply unpleasant person because she never chooses to extend compassion or kindness to others, much less any inklings of good faith.

and it all drives me a little nuts because Tohru's aunt is decidedly a minor character, and i don't think much thought was put into her characterization or backstory—she's the shitty judgmental family member who's there to be a roadblock for Tohru, and that's it. but the nuggets of information we get on Katsuya's past also creates a path for his sister's backstory, one that points to a quietly dysfunctional family, high pressure to be an acceptable member of society, and other unfortunate circumstances that led her aunt to becoming such a shallow, hardhearted person.

anyway. dysfunctional Honda family is very interesting.

#sorry about the toshiro thing but i simply can't organize a post while being forced to write “tohru's grandfather” every other sentence #toshiro is literally the first japanese name i could think of so it's not that deep or anything lol #anyway i just think it's fascinating reading between the lines #and seeing all the examples of malformed personalities and generational trauma even in the nameless bit characters #i do realize that i made some assumptions here but i think they're sound ones #there's a lot of crumbs and i'm baking a damn cake #fruits basket #tohru honda #tohru's grandfather #tohru's aunt #(ffs these people need names)#analysis #sage speaketh #edited for your convenience #(<-capitalized names and reworked a bunch of wording)

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thatruerealmwalker · 1 month

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So...

WE'RE BACK AGAIN LADS- BUT THIS TIME IT'S A BOY.

Even as this Cradle burns down... From the Ash I will Rise once Again. - Finale Quote

This is William Rivers (Full name drop!) which has appeared on the blog before! Now you may ask me- "Realm? Why is William a Magical Boy now?"

Well one- He is a Magical Girl- because calling him that makes him scream- and Two- It's complicated.

William pretty much as the same back story and personality as Innocent Ash- I just never gave Ash a civilian form or an actual name. So when I did make William- I realized "Wait... this is just Innocent Ash."

So two became one and here we are. I'm not going to mention the certain flower girl toy mascot horror game- because unlike Claire, William was pretty much fully formed- just no name. Or some smaller details I've ironed out now. I have no 'legal' basis to tag this under Poppy Playtime- (Maybe I do? This situation is strange)

However- for the sake of being fair- and because I want to- Thank you @realizinau for indirectly helping me fully realize the OC. (I also think you maybe want to see this? It has a bunch of extra William lore if you just take out the Magical stuff and ignore the other characters mentioned- Great work by the way as always Vis, hope your vacation/trip is going well!)

As before with Claire- who if you have missed you can find HERE-

Below are some details, and under that is a short story telling you more of how he got to this point- In "We who are Blessed Under Starlight" specifically.

William is a Magical Boy by the name of Innocent Ash. He's rather young, one of three of what the Blessed call "The little Trio" which make up him, his adopted sister Swan, and Alice's adopted brother Mako. The three of them are pretty much inseparable (which took William's survivor guilt getting addressed- but more on that later)

William fights with a short sword on occasion- really just when he needs to. His main way of fighting is with his power- FIRE. Be it burning, destroying, or even warding things away, William fights like a fire bender who just wants to see the world burn.

His flames are sadly pretty one note- except for detail that he has almost always perfect control on what his flames will burn. He has also found that changing their color is pretty easy, not that it does much. This has lead to some... creative applications of fire. (One time, he was bored, so he tired to make a normal tree look like Christmas cam early. He is now asked to make flame decoration whenever he can. It's an art form at this point even though William isn't an artist.) (He does it for Swan.)

William is a quiet kid, who's rather smart but that comes from just how perceptive he is. He notices things. Be it moods or information others may miss, he always seems to catch that stuff first. It doesn't help his natural paranoia, but when it's needed- he uses it. (He... has had a lot of bad experiences in orphanages. Even now it clings to him. The feeling of someone trying to hurt him, right behind him- even when it's nothing at all)

William is an Orphan. His parents died in a home fire when he was young. Unluckily, his entire life has been accidents and hardship like that. From one orphanage that met the same fate his parent home did, to one who's entire child populace made his time there hell. He sadly had grow accustomed to wearing a mask- seeming meek and not worth the abusers time... even if it didn't always work. (The only time he's snapped is when his life was really in danger- when things actually got violent- those would also lead to him moving orphanages.) (The only time he harmed someone without violence... is when an older man who worked at the orphanage he was staying at at the time tried to touch him. William had to be dragged away from the man's blood face.)

As said before, he's the adopted brother of Swan- who's parent's took him in after he finally began to trust that he won't be the one person left again- that he won't be left alone again. Even if his new parents love him... he still has trouble sharing that back. He isn't trying to replace what he lost... but he has to tell himself that.

Swan's parents adopted him when he went back into school... there was an entire thing with the law trying to throw him back into the foster system- Claire and Zaken both has paid for a really good lawyer to help win custody and deal with the whole issue. (Later he learned that why it was so hard was that the Orphanage he was last at was only keeping kids so the government paid them- and was trying to keep it hush hush.)

William loves reading. It's his favorite pass times. He usually spends that time helping Swan to read. He cannot lie he doesn't enjoy teach now and again. (It's even better when it's all three of them. Him, Swan, and Mako.)

He has a weird bond with Kaito. Both of them once living on the streets- they kind of get on well together. He does not like when Kaito goes full gremlin and starts stealing stuff. (He usually has to be the one to place everything back. He just remembers where things were easily.)

As much as his entire brand is fire- he likes all of his drinks cold. Give him hot chocolate and he will place it in the freezer to cool it down quickly. Several other of the Blessed have issues with this. Swan emulates him to their collective horror.

William has periods where he just needs to be alone- be in silence and calm down. Over stimulation can get to him easy. Best one can do is give him that. (He tries to deal with it sometimes, pretend it isn't happening. Claire can always somehow tell though. She always makes sure he gets the room he needs)

And that is everything I have for now! Again, if you enjoyed reading about this story and William, feel free to reach out! Messages and the Inbox is always open- I love meeting new people!

Thank you for reading- but wait! There is still a short story about William down below. You might want to read that too on your way out. Either way, have a wonderful night!

William Rivers Story:

William believed himself to be Cursed for the longest time.

He had evidence for it. Just look at his life.

When he was only 5- he had to watch his parents burn alive in their home. When he was growing up he had to be tossed from orphanage to orphanage because he caused 'problems.'

Few wanted to adopt him- none ever fully committed after hearing everything he's been in. They said he was too quiet, too antisocial, too cold.

Maybe what else they called him was true... but he was never cold. He only learned how to hide the flames, hid the emotion. To put on a mask and seem like he was only part of the background. It helped, stopped at least the other children from bothering him- either in misguided blame or genuine attempts at friendship only missing the endurance to break through the shell- so he kept doing it.

He was the center of tragedy. No matter what, he always came out fine. He was always the lone person to survived unscathed. Eventually, he believed that to be true. That no matter what, he would be the only one to survive- only one to live. And so he would be alone. That is what he internalized during his time through those dark days.

One day, a Star had fell into a nearby forest. William, who had nothing better to do, followed to where he saw whatever fell from the sky above. Starlight seeped into him as he stepped forward towards the light in the clearing, clinging to his form.

His mind grew cloudy as his skin began to heat. Flames struck and clung to nearby trees. Soon, this once living forest became kindle to a flame unending.

And yet- William did not. Even as fire threatened to make him one with it- he stepped forward and reached for the Star-

The flames that once ate at the green plant life around him snuffed out in an instant, his body back to as it was before he stepped into this place- now with his Matrix, a bright shining Flame above what he knew was meant to be ash, hovering in front of him.

William, with his new found powers, ran. He lived on the streets, away from the constant hurt that came from the places that tried to board him.

One day, a Stranger appeared, and promised him he would grant him his most wanted wish- if only he were to gather Starlight until his Matrix was bursting.

Unannounced to the Stranger, he chose his lie poorly. William, despite it all, never truly wished "For his parents to come back to his arms." They were gone, and he had accepted that.

And so William distrusted The Man who Thought Himself God from day one.

Sadly for William, others did not share his worry, blindly trusting that horrible man's promises. And so- he was brought into the fight orchestrated by the one who sought to claim God's throne.

He did not trust any other Blessed, and did not fight against the Cursed. He defended himself when those who realized the other Blessed carried far more Starlight then a normal Cursed ever would. He ran when the one who could freeze others with just a touch approached him-

And again and again and again.

She wouldn't stop. She even started to do it outside of her costume- with no weapon and powers weakened. He didn't understand.

So he watched her.

He watched how she fought not for some stupid Wish... but for the sake of protecting others. How she had a smile when she saved that child from being eaten by the Cursed teddy bear. How she laughed in joy when she finally beat the tainted master of the towns local Dojo- before undoing as much corruption as she could- not thinking to harvest the poor soul for even a second.

Watching became brief interactions. Where he would ask a question- and she would answer as well as she could.

That too turned into him aiding in fighting- no protecting people. And soon he met others like her- Like Alice. (That was her name... why did it take him so long to ask?)

Then... he met the girl who would become his sister.

Later... he met the boy who he and she would call their brother.

Slowly but surely... he learned he had wandered into a family. He was afraid. Afraid they would die, and leave him... But they proved him wrong.

Again and Again and Again-

They lived. They survived. And they all went back home together in the end.

Even when it got hard. Even when the world itself chose to challenge them- to try and slaughter them as they tried to do what was right-

They did not leave him.

He isn't alone- and won't ever be again.

#OC #My OC #Magical Boy #We who are Blessed under Starlight #Original work #This took me a while so probably no Chapter tonight.#Now I'm not sure who to do next.#Mako or Swan?#Hmmmmm #I'll think on it.

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parental-unit-of-chaos · 1 year

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Hi, first of all, good morning/afternoon or night. If it's not too much trouble, I'd like to place an order for you.

I would like something polyamorous between tim drake and conner/kon-el x male reader, where the reader is also a vigilante but during a mission he has died for before conner and tim confess their feelings to him, but later revives and returns in he seeks revenge, but later he is arrested by tim and conner and that despite how changed the reader is, they confess to him and well, the reader despite feeling insecure (either because of the scars and those things) accepted their feelings.

It's my first time making an order, XD. I hope I have not bothered you.

Only Time can Answer: Tim + Kon x M!reader.

Thank you for your request! It's not a bother at all. I hope you like what I wrote here.

Cw: Reader dies, depression & grief, SH and fear toxic abuse, Mutual comfort, self hatred.

On paper your job for the Team would be a scout. Using your skills for small details, you would find high points of interest and point out where everyone was. On the other hand, in practice you were also the older brother figure.

Your Teammates, your friends, would go to you asking for advice or just vent about past struggles. Most felt that they couldn't be honsetly with their mentors, or at least say the full picture. You would also help explain things about earth, to the ones who were still learning.

That's how both Tim and Kon fell for you, you were a rock. They felt safe enough to lean on. You were the stable and unchanging comfort in the unpredictable, even hostile, life style they had.

Tim was the first to identify his feelings for you has love, however due to his anxiety he never said anything. The idea of possibly losing the bond you two already had, was all he need to think. Before he was petrified, month going dry.

For the latter, Kon was still newer to a lot of things, he wasn't stupid by all means. Just couldn't find words to describe how he felt with you. He knew the feeling was comfortable, his heart feeling like it grew wings everytime you smiled at him.

That's why your death was soul shattering to the team and for Tim and Kon the most, it felt like they died with you. That is the biggest problem with being so loved, the loss is just has equal.

The mission was simply, it was so God damn simple. Steal the DNA samples and get out. Tim analyzed the whole building for weeks before, starting the field work of the mission. How could he have let this happen! While scouting you had a blind spot, the enemy took that has an advantage.

You were talking on the com when it happened, their was no scream. Just your light hearted remark being cut off with a booming fire of a gun. Tim's heart dropped, '[H/N]?!', there was only gut wrenching silence. Not even a choked sob or breathe.

Kon's ears were ringing, the extremely loud sound disorienting him. He felt like he was the one that got shot instead. Both Tim and Kon's hearts were racing has they regrouped. Kon falling to his knees and letting out a scream of pain, tears running down his face. He couldn't hear your heart beat.

What was worse, there was no body found, no body to take home and bury. Where the Team tried to move on after the death, Tim and Kon couldn't. Kon could barely get out of bed, the pain of knowing he'll never see you in the common room again. Tim on the other hand, hyperfixated on finding your body, the least he could do was find your body to bury.

Kon seeing that Tim was as effected with your death has he was, tried to talk with him, maybe find a way to cope. It was almost impossible though, Tim could only think about finding a trance of you.

One night, Kon was gently lifted out of sleep by a noise, once he connected his brain enough he identified it has crying. Tim's crying. Kon followed the sound, honestly without his super hearing the crying wouldn't have woken him up. It may have been a learned habit of Tim's, to cry quietly.

He froze, blood running cold and mouth dry, has he stands Infront of the door. Not Tim's, but yours, Tim's crying was coming from your abandoned room. Kon inhaled sharply and tried to calm his racing heart.

Gently, he opened the door, Tim, the 3rd Robin, you would think he heard the door open. But he was too distraught, his tears rolling down his face buried has arms wrapped around one of your pillows, holding it tightly.

All Kon could do was close the door and sit on the edge of the bed, he didn't want to speak, he knew his voice would crack. However, where words failed to form, his eyes sent the message, has salty water began to fall from them as well. That night they never spoke a word, the other knew the pain the other had in their chest. At some point, they fall asleep in each other's arms.

It's been a couple of months, Tim still was done looking for any sign of you. Refusing to file you has dead until they found your body, you were filed has M.I.A. After the night Tim and Kon fell asleep cuddling, they became eachothers comfort. Though both knew the other loved you just has much.

A couple of strange reports started popping up, all having the same description. It eerily matched yours, it seemed to good to be ture, but he had to check it out. He had too, on the off chance it really was you. When Tim told Kon there was no changing his mind; Kon was going to check too.

When they found where the person sit up base at, fortunately, or unfortunately once they saw you, you were alive. Whatever happened, caused you to go to using fear toxin to cope. Tim was the one to speak to you frist, it pained Kon to see you like this has well. But, he had no idea what to say to make you feel better.

'[n-name]? It's me, Tim.', you remembered them both, you broke down into tears. Not because you missed them, but because they found you in this pathetic state. So unworthy to ever go back to being a hero along side them. Once, they understood it was okay to approached, you were engulfed into a hug by the both of them.

It took an hour or more of convincing and reassurance before you agreed to come back with them. Even longer for you to recover from the excessive use of fear toxin. At some you told them, you started taking it to keep traumatizing yourself. So you could feel something.

'I know you don't feel like you s-should be loved. But, I-I do. I love you so much, it pains me to see you like this. In some much pain.' Tim could barely utter the words through tears. 'I'm not has good with words has Tim is, but I love you the same has well. I could barely eat thinking I would never seen you again.' Kon added swallowing the lump that tried to form in his throat. You tried to protest their love, but your mouth refused to open. Their words burning your heart, reminding you how much you loved them both.

You had to get use to sharing a bed with both of them, they were terrified that if you left their sight you were disappear. Has you recovered, they were with you every step of the way. Encouraging you to keep going, to keep healing.

You didn't know where you would be without them being in your life, they were like your sun and moon in their own way. Kon always being so bright and ready to give you loving warmth, and Tim always awake with you at night comforting you during your night terrors.

All three of you gave each others ture love and understanding. Only becoming stronger over time.

#Crow!Writes #x male reader #kon el #tim drake #Conner kent x Tim Drake #gender neutral reader

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raspberrysunshinebby · 1 year

Text

Two Choices

Chapter 8

Pairing: Eris x reader x Azriel

Summary: The future wife of Eris never cared much for mating bonds, she had spent years in love with Eris and when Beron finally died they could be together. He has full intention to make his love into his High Lady until at a party meant to celebrate Eris’ reign the girl finds herself finding her mate, Azriel.

Warnings: Slight smut, angst, azriel is literally toxic/manipulative and i was going to say kind of abusive but he literally is lol.

Word Count: 3352

(Money system in my masterlist)

Two weeks had passed since the incident, I was able to get the stitches out after a week and during that week I wasn’t allowed to even leave bed unless Azriel brought me out to the gardens. After that week we stopped going and instead went into town.

I was the one who asked to move the walks to town after I’d finally met Elain, one morning when Azriel and I were out Elain came out to work on the garden. When I saw Azriel lay his eyes on her I realized the answer to my question I’d asked myself a few times over the months, I’d wondered where’d Azriel’s affection had gone whenever he was mad at me or ignoring me, seeing the way he looked toward Elain gave me the answer to this question.

Once I’d gotten the stitches out I had a little more freedom, but not much. I was finally allowed to move from his room and mine when I wanted but that was it.

This had definitely taken a toll on me mentally, as a week after my stitches were out I didn’t even want to leave bed. I laid in my room with uneaten food sent up to me hours ago, I moved my blanket up closer to my neck when I heard my door open.

I felt a hand brush against my cheek before I heard my mate's voice, “You haven’t eaten yet?” He asked, calmly.

I shrugged, “I’m not very hungry.”

I felt him shift onto the bed and wrap his arms around me, “You still need to eat.”

“Don't feel like it.”

I felt him place a kiss on the back of my head before he got up to the bathroom. I continued laying in the bed but now closed my eyes. I had done nothing today but still felt exhausted, he was back quickly though. I felt the coldness of the air hit me as Azriel ripped the blanket off me to pick me up himself.

He brought me into the bathroom where I saw the bathtub running, he sat me on the toilet and helped me undress before moving to grab some oils and such for the bath.

I looked over to the huge mirror in the bathroom and noticed how I looked, I was everything my brother had described, skinny, sickly, dead. I felt like I’d gotten skinnier than when I was in the Court of Nightmares and felt weaker. My face looked sunken and I almost cried seeing myself.

I couldn’t recognize the women in the mirror.

I looked over to see Azriel, now naked as well, coming toward me. He lifted me and brought me into the bath, joining me only a second later.

I actually fell asleep as he washed my hair, I’m pretty sure he had washed my body as well. I ended up waking up a few hours later and realized how weird I smelt. I smelt like black raspberry, like vanilla. It wasn’t bad but it smelt so wrong on me, it wasn’t me.

When I stood up from my bed it was to do one thing, to look at my back. The first time I’d looked at my back I was in so much shock I couldn’t move, the scar running down my back looked horrific. I hated how it looked, it made me look horrific.

It scared me that my mate was the one who gave me the scar, and he didn’t even apologize for it. He’d completely ignored it. Now I wasn’t allowed to send letters to my brother again, I think Azriel’s scared I’ll tell my brother what happened.

He’s right to be scared, cause when I get the chance I will be telling my brother. I couldn’t keep telling myself I could live like this, that it’d get better, because that night proved it wouldn’t. I wanted to leave.

I decided I needed to push myself out of bed, that I needed to get my energy and strength back so I could leave. I needed to go to the Winter Court because I genuinely could not do this anymore.

After that, I pushed myself to go with Azriel on those walks and I pushed myself to begin eating again. I couldn’t just sit and mop if I wanted to go to the Winter Court.

After another week I’d gained some weight and didn’t feel like as much shit, Azriel seemed glad that I was getting better, while I assumed it was because his mate was getting better I didn’t know there was another reason.

Three weeks and six days after the incident Azriel sat me down and told me, “Okay by the way so, in like two weeks we’re going to be going to this cabin.”

He paused for a second, which I nodded at.

“When we get there, we’re going to accept the bond and spend the next two weeks there.”

My heart stopped at this, my head screaming curse words.

“I was hoping to do this sooner, but I have work and stuff so we’ll be doing it in two weeks.” He told me, attempting to hide the hole in my stomach I nodded to him.

Azriel smiled at me before kissing me and walking away. All I knew in that moment was I needed to figure out how to leave, and soon.

I almost cried of happiness when I found out Azriel would be gone on a mission that night, which gave me the perfect opportunity to sneak off and talk to Primrose. I thought if anyone would help me get out it’d be her. Once Azriel had left I waited a little bit before rushing out the window to Primroses.

I’d figured out a good way to get through the city that wasn’t in the main part, it wasn’t full proof but it made it a lot less likely to run into any of Azriel’s family. Once I’d gotten to her shop I immediately began to bang on the door in order to get her to answer. I didn’t except to see Edith answer, saying my name as she opened it. The distress on my face said enough as she pulled me in and brought me upstairs, where I saw Primrose sitting on the bed before sitting up after seeing me.

It took me a little bit before I grew the courage to tell them what happened, I trusted them both enough to show them my back. Primrose sat there in silence as she listened to what I told her as did Edith, but for Edith even though she was just as silent it was a different kind. Her silence was of rage, what I didn’t know was that Edith had gone through something similar as my brothers, her mother was abused as well, only that her mother had killed her father after she’d learned she was pregnant with Edith’s brother. I didn’t even know Edith had a brother.

“I’ll be back,” Edith said, “I’m going to get my brother, he’s gonna help us.”

The thought of another man helping me behind Azriel’s back worried me, knowing if I was found out and It’d be worse, Azriel would probably assume I was cheating on him. I didn’t want to know how that’d end.

When Edith got back with her brother I noticed how similar he looked to her, browned skinned with black hair but instead of the straight that Edith had it was curly. In Edith hands I noticed a black cloak and then I noticed another thrown over her brothers shoulders. Her brother kneeled in front of me, I noticed how soft his face was and how he looked so naturally kind.

“(Y/N), do you know anywhere you can go that would be safe.” He asked, voice soft and calm.

I swallowed, “The Winter Court, my brother is marrying the generals daughter.”

“Okay, my name is Corbin. I promise you I’m going to get you to the Winter Court, I just need you to trust me okay.” I nodded to him as I felt a tear go down my cheek. This was the first time in the Night Court somebody had actually tried to help me, for once I felt like a person.

I didn’t have much time to say goodbye before Corbin and I were rushed out of Valeris and what I didn’t know was how many mountains we’d have to get through to get out of the Night Court, Corbin said that this was better because it’d be harder to track us. We traveled closer to the ocean in order to make it easier but we still were in the mountains. Every once and a while if I had an idea of where we were going and how far it was I was able to winnow us, I cursed at myself for my winnowing not being better, because of this we were able to get almost to the border by morning. We both were tired but neither of us wanted to stop until we were out of the court.

I think it was a couple of hours later when we reached the border, laughing together as relief washed over the two of us. Seeing the mountains of the day court made him and I hug each other out of relief, both laughing as we walked to cross over to it, both happy as we were relieved to get out of the Night Court. Two steps away from the border I was stopped by the feeling of cold steel against my neck, I looked over to see Corbin having a knife at his neck as well. A man I didn’t recognize holding him.

“What are your names,” said a voice of a girl. I realized this was the person holding onto me.

I paused for a moment, looking toward Corbin who seemed to be trying to find a way out of this, “E-Enola.” I stuttered out, lying out of my ass. I looked over to see Corbin noticing what I was doing, “My names Felix,” He said.

“They’re not Illyrian.” The girl said, the man holding Corbin nodded. I saw another girl drop down in front of us, she was dark skinned with an afro, I noticed white spots on her face that kind of made her look like a deer. Her face was soft and her ears were pointed down, she smirked as she looked over us. “I say we just check their pockets and let them go, doesn’t seem like they have a lot of uses.” The girl in front of me said.

I turned to see a young boy, no older than twelve put his sword away as he began looking through my pockets, the other girl searching through Corbin's. With how low the boy was it was easy to knee him in the stomach, which allowed me to take his sword and throw the girl behind me down, Corbin following the same with the mans knife. I turned to see the girl who was holding me and noticed that she was Illyrian but to me that didn't matter, I ran to quickly grab Corbin in order to winnow us into the Day court, believing that we would be safe once we got there. Before I was able to a felt a hand reach over me and pull me down to the ground, knocking me out.

Waking up strapped to a bed wasn’t how I excepted to have my day be spent. I excepted to be in the Day Court with some sort of peace of mind, instead I now stare at the man who was holding Corbin. The man was scary, scars up his ripped arms, a short haircut with white hair and a face to match it all. He sat on a chair in front of the bed just staring at me.

“Hi,” I whispered out loud enough for him to hear, I did my best to have myself sit up in order to wake up fully. “Okay so, are we still in the Night Court.” He nodded.

I swallowed, “I am really sorry for attacking you guys, but I really need to get out of the Night Court, like really bad and so does my friend.” He said nothing.

I stayed quiet for a moment, “I’m gonna be honest with you, I wasn’t truthful with my name.” He perked up at that, “My name is (Y/N) Raith, my brother is the Duke of the Autumn Court and he’d pay a hefty sum for his sister and her friend to be let go.”

He didn’t respond again, this time a person walked into the room to replace the mans post, I looked to see the Illyrian girl walk in and taking the mans seat, crossing her legs and staring at me with her wings tucked behind her back. I really didn’t like the way she looked at me, the look reminded me too much of Azriel’s.

I began to open my mouth to speak before she cut me off, “Don’t offer up your brothers money again,” I quickly shut my mouth, “we dont need your brothers money. I just wanna know why you were trying to leave.”

I was a little confused, considering they literally were trying to rob us and were now telling me they didn’t need our money, which Corbin and I didn’t even have in the first place.

“Who do you work for?” I asked her, scared she worked for Rhysand.

“I work for myself, now tell me, why were you leaving the Night Court?” She said sternly.

I knew I couldn’t lie again, it’d be so hard to with how she was staring at me. I gulped, “I was running from Valeris.”

She laughed after hearing the words ‘Valeris’, “Valeris?” She laughed out, “The city of fucking starlight, the only place the High Lord actually takes care of. You were running from there?”

I didn’t laugh with her, my stomach twisted as she spoke and I really wish I was able to pick at my fingers now. My teeth grinded, “I had to run.”

She propped her head on her hands, clearly wanting to listen to a story. I began to bit at the skin in my mouth, “It’s his Shadowsinger I’m running from.”

“Ah Azriel. What are you?” She asked, “A criminal or something?”

“I’m Azriel’s mate.” I forced myself to say, “I’m running from him because… he’s not very…” I tried to figure out what to say, the word abusive crossed my mind but it felt weird, saying I was abused or something.

“He’s a bad mate?”

I paused, “I have scars on my back.” I said quietly, not knowing what else to say.

We were quiet for a moment after that, she stared at me trying to figure out if I was lying or not. She ended up getting up from her seat and leaning out the door, telling someone out there to get someone named ‘Blythe’ before coming back into the room.

“So the Shadowslinger abused you, correct?” She asked, I think she wanted to hear me just say it.

“I mean, I guess… I dont really know if abused is the right word, I just-”

“He caused those scars down your back, right?”

“He was mad,” I found myself defending him without thinking.

She nodded as if thats all she needed to hear, before I knew it the scary man that was sitting here before came into the room.

“So Blythe,” The girl started, “guess what I found out.” The man nodded to her.

“So turns out Lady (Y/N) here is Azriel’s mate, and turns out Mr. Shadowsinger is quite the abusive man. Thats why she was running with the other guy.”

The man walked heavy toward me, making me extremely nervous as he leaned down toward me, his face in my face. He took a breath before speaking, “Are you lying?” He asked. His breath smelled like mint and his voice was deep, like a scary deep but at the same time was smooth. If I wasn’t tied to a bed, shittig bricks, scared for my life, I would’ve found the voice soothing. I shook my head ‘no’ to him, a little scared to speak.

“Words.” He spat out.

“N-no, I’m not lying.” I basically whimpered out in fear.

He sat back up before turning and nodding to the girl, who quickly left the room. He walked toward my bed and undid the chains attached to the bed, but not my wrists. I yelped as I was thrown over his shoulder and brought out of the room, not fighting him since I knew there was no point.

I was pulled into a room and was sat onto a chair, once again chained up I looked infront of me and saw Corbin in front of me also chained to a chair and looking as confused as me. I turned my head to see the Illyrian girl and Blythe standing there by a door where three more people walked in, I sae the young boy and the girl with the afro walk in as well as another man. The man was skinny but not like deathly skinny, he had ashy blonde hair and I had to admit he did have a pretty face. They stood around before Blythe began to speak.

“We know (Y/N)’s real name, now whats yours Felix?” He said, emphazing on the word ‘Felix’.

Corbin held his head high, “Why? What are you going to do with us?”

“Trying to decide whether or not your worth letting live.”

I almost laughed, “I’m literally the sister of the Duke, I could give you guys a fortune for letting us live.” I said, “Just tell them your name.”

Corbin looked Blythe in the face, “Corbin, my names Corbin.”

Blythe looked toward the skinny man, who nodded at him. Blythe held his hands behind his back as he analyzed us.

As he did I made a suggestion, “My brother would give you more than just the fortune if you deliver us yourself, just saying.” I said smugly.

I turned to look at the group after I said this, I saw the afro girl thinking about what I said, then whispering in the blonde boys ear who then smirked. “How much?” he asked.

I thought for a moment, “At the least I could give you enough Carian’s coins to match all your weights combined. That’s the least though.”

I could see the young boys eyes light up as I said this, “I’ve never seen a Carian coin.” I heard him say to the Illyrian girl next to him. I smiled at him, “You’d have enough Carian coins for centuries.”

I saw Blythe look toward the group, then look the blonde man in the eye, who smirked and nodded at Blythe. Blythe looked toward me, “None of us can winnow and she,” he pointed at the Illyrian girl, “cant carry you both, and I’m guessing you cant leave the Night Court without Corbin.”

I thought for a moment, if Azriel caught onto my trail I didn’t want Corbin to get caught up with it. Not with the kindness he’d shown.

“I only leave the Night Court with Corbin. We need to go to the Winter Court.”

“Then it’ll be a journey.”

“I’m willing to make it.”

He looked toward the group who nodded to them. The young boy undid my chains and the girl with the afro undid Corbin's. Corbin and I were brought to the rooms that we were in before, this time unchained and able to move freely as much as we’d like. The only rule being to not to leave the compound.

Turns out they were called bandits and lived inside an old Inn that looked abandoned from the outside but inside was decently nice, with working water, food and a comfortable bed I didn't care. I laid in the bed trying to calm the anxiety of knowing I was still so close to Azriel.

#acotar #acotar x reader #Eris #eris x reader #eris vanserra #eris vanserra x reader smut #azriel x reader #Azriel

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gloomykizwrites · 17 days

Text

Scaredy cat

Summary: She hopes she will be taken somewhere far away,and her wish comes true, just in a very different manner than she expected. Kobeni wakes up in an unknown and foreign land. A land she could only imagine in a fantasy book.

(basically a fanfiction where kobeni from chainsaw Man will wake up in genshin impact, it's extremely cursed I know, but my god it was so fun to write 😭!!! You do not have to read or watch chainsaw man to read this but I still encourage you do ^^)

This post will include the first 2 chapters! You can read this on ao3, quotev and wattpad as well💗

Chapter 1: plea for help

"uh! Sorry for the wait! Here's your supersized family burger, large fries and large coke!"

Kobeni set down the food tray on the table, the customer looked displeased.

"so slow" was what she heard when she walked away, another complaint, another slap in the face from life.

Kobeni yelled "Family!" and posed as she joined her other co-workers for customer service practice.

"Hey, kobeni!" she turned around to be met with her boss as she let out a yelp.

"your smile is too stiff! Try smiling like you do with your family!"

The brown haired girl could only let out a strained "uh ! Y-yes sir!"

"one other thing! Maybe try to do something about that " uh " you do whenever you start to say something? It makes things sound not quite familial!" he stared down at her as he finished his remark.

"uh, yes sir-" she caught herself saying it again, frightened, she could only let out a series of "uh, uh uh uhhs" in panic.

İt was only stopped by a harsh slap in the face.

A slap from her boss.

"that's a familial slap"

She took a second to regain her thoughts, and looked up at her boss as sweat started to form on her face.

"I want you to remember that pain whenever you start saying "uh", if you do, I'm sure you will stop saying it, right? "

Kobeni could only nod. She felt someone put their arm around her shoulder, it was her co-worker.

" kobeni! Problems are best solved working together! Since we're all family! " he exclaimed.

She had quit devil hunting due to what she had to endure during it. Arai died protecting her and almost everyone she worked with had died. It was only logical, who would want to work at a job with a low survival rate?

Kobeni still needed money however, so she chose to work at a fast food restaurant called family burger, yet here she was, still miserable, getting abused by her boss and not standing up for herself because she didn't want to lose her job.

İt was all for her brother, for him to go to college. Her family had forced her to choose between devil hunting or prostitution, this was her last chance to make money for her brother if she didn't want to work as a sex worker.

Yes, this was all for him and her family, she needed to endure this treatment, she needed to make money, but she is so, so miserable.

So miserable she has to let out a weak "please help…" and pray someone will hear her plea.

"hm? What for?" her co-worker asked. She could only force a smile.

The sound of the door opening was heard.

Kobeni and her co-worker both turned around to see someone, no, something standing in front of them.

İt looked like someone had heard her plea,because a devil, one she could recognize, was the one standing in front of them.

She had left her devil hunting job so she could get away from these types of situations, but what she forgot was that devils could be found anywhere, there is no escaping them

"uh-uh uh!!" she panicked once more.

A customer stands up and tries to run, but the devil called chainsaw man stops him.

The sound of the customer's head falling on the ground rang in her ears.

Kobeni had prayed for someone to help her.

She did not pray for someone to make her relive the terrors that haunted her.

Chapter 2: wish

"Ah! I got a perfect score!" Kobeni looked at the screen of the ddr machine, her face was sweaty and she was out of breath from dancing. She blinked and turned around to see chainsaw man.

"... Why am I dancing?" she muttered to herself, her co-workers had gotten decapitated right in front of her eyes moments ago because of her, it was all her fault, had the adrenaline gotten to her?

After the customer got killed, chainsaw man had wanted to eat, her co-workers and boss told her to serve him a hamburger, yet she tripped, and chainsaw man killed more people.

İt was so easy, serve him a hamburger, no one could mess it up.

She had tripped again. She had tripped twice

He killed everyone.

She was that pathetic.

And now here she was, just got done dancing on a ddr machine, but not out of her own will, she was forced to entertain chainsaw man.

How could she have the audacity to yell that she had gotten a perfect score when all of that happened?

"why indeed" kobeni heard an all too familiar voice.

She looked up.

İt was makima.

The red haired woman spoke to chainsaw man, while Kobeni's mind was in shambles.

She had nothing to do with this, why was this happening to her?

Was it her punishment? For trying to kill Denji that one time in the hotel? For being the cause of several people's deaths?

"this has nothing to do with me, this has nothing to do with me.." she tried reassuring herself

"Oh you have a great deal to do with this too, kobeni" Makima told the girl.

"uh?!"

"Your fear of chainsaw man has weakened, hasn't it?" the woman said in a matter of fact way, looking down on Kobeni.

"huh…?"

One thing after another, Makima gave a speech on chainsaw man, Kobeni didn't understand what was going on.

Until she could see a beam coming towards her way.

Chainsaw man saved her.

"a true hero…" was the last thing kobeni heard from makima.

***

"Alright, it's safe to talk again. We won't be tracked here for a little while. Get some food in ya while we have this chance"

Kishibe had led Denji and Kobeni somewhere he deemed safe, Kobeni was still sweating from what had happened earlier, while Denji looked more spaced out then kobeni remembered him.

"I saw some things I shouldn't have… Does that mean Ms. Makima will kill me?" she asked

"yep" Kishibe answered as he made his way to a TV.

She took a second to process his short answer.

"I can't phone my family, can I?" she asked again.

"nope"

"for the rest of my life?"

A few seconds of silence.

"that's probably so"

Her legs finally gave out, hugging them as she fell to the floor.

"thank goodness…"

"hu?" Denji looked at her

"Thank goodness I have an excuse to get away from them…"

"from who?" Denji asked.

"My dad… And my mom…"

Denji stared at her, and sat down as well, they didn't say anything to each other as silence took over.

Kishibe sat in his seat "once you've eaten, get some sleep. Got an early start tomorrow"

Denji led his eyes towards Kobeni again.

She was shaking.

"hu? What's the matter?"

"I always get the short end of the stick… I'm so gonna die… I'm sc-" She swallowed.

"I-I'm scared of d-dying" the girl choked out, her voice hoarse, and her eyes puffy from crying all day.

She turned her head towards Denji, but she couldn't bring herself to look at him.

"must be nice to be you… you c- you can come back to life…"

Denji spoke

He told her he looked fine.

Yet his heart wasn't.

He took a bag of chips and opened it, spilling out his feelings to Kobeni.

How dumb he was.

How he was fine living as the fool.

How he never made any choices for himself.

Kobeni listened to him, listened and understood where he was coming from, even if their experiences weren't the same.

"Even if I make it out alive, I bet…I'll always be living in obedience to somebody like a dog"

That was what Denji said.

"isn't that just normal though?" the girl commented.

"hu?" Denji's eyes widened.

"There's no such thing as a life free of bad things…" she continued "except in your dreams…"

He could only look at her in shock.

"oh… But I wanted to be normal.. And… "

"You want to be normal Denji?"

She wanted to be "normal" too.

But she'll never be.

Denji then told all the things he wanted to Kishibe, crying and yelling his truths.

Kobeni could only watch.

The truth for kobeni was that she wanted to escape,and to live somewhere far away.

After everything that happened in her life.

She prayed that something will take her away from this world.

Not to die, just live far, far away from where she was. A place where she could be free

That was her only wish.

She finally closed her eyes, and went to sleep.

When she woke up, she was filled around grass, and the sunlight shone on her face.

Had her wish come true? Or was this just another dream?

#fanfiction #crossover #csm fanfic #genshin impact fanfics #genshin fic #kobeni higashiyama #crossover fanfiction

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meetmypointlessaddiction · 10 months

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So It's Gonna Be Forever

Summary: Joel Miller and Emily Harper have been best friends since 2nd grade and at the end of freshman year become something more. Will they last or will their new label ruin it all. OR Joel Miller gets some lovin' because god knows he deserves it.

Chapter 3

Warnings: Mentions of rough childhood and some violence between father and son but that isn't for another few chapters.Mentions and allusions to smut but never actually turns into smut.

I understand that this might not be everyone's cup of tea so if it's not for you, just don't read.

If there's anything that is possibly triggering that I haven't mentioned in the warnings please let me know as this is not beta'd and it is very possible that I've missed something.

Warnings🏷: Bit of violence between Joel and his dad and mentions abusive relationships.

Series Masterlist

Wordcount: 3459 words

Joel and Emily had met when they were 7 years old at a playground in their neighbourhood. Emily’s family had moved from a different neighbourhood and the girl was determined to make new friends. Joel’s mother had taken him and Tommy to the playground and, while Tommy was more than happy with toddling around with some of the other kids, Joel preferred to sit on the grass under the tree, humming to himself.

“Hi, I’m Emily.” Joel looked up from the picture he had drawn with a stick in the dirt and frowned. “What’s your name?”

“Joel.” He mumbled and Emily sat down next to him.

“What’cha drawin’?” She asked and Joel smiled slightly.

“A castle from one of the books my mama read to me and my brother.”

“I like castles too. We should play castles.” She announced and Joel frowned.

“You can play castles?” Emily nodded and Joel smiled. “I’ll play if you teach me.” He tried and Emily nodded again.

“Me and you can be the prince and the princess and your brother could be one of our knights.” She explained and Joel shrugged, taking her outstretched hand and following him to the climbing frame.

From then on, Joel and Emily would always sit under that same tree and plan out their next game, their mothers getting closer as they saw their kids getting closer. Tommy joined in a lot too, Emily often promising to let him be the knight and go off pretending to fight off some of the ‘enemies’ that were just poor unsuspecting kids on the swings.

Eventually, Joel and Tommy would be taken to the Harper’s house every other weekend for playdates and for both Carol and Maria to talk to someone that wasn’t their husbands or the moms that gossiped on the school yard. Occasionally, Joel’s father would join them but the night would only end sour when Maria advised that another beer wasn’t wise and then he would flip and decide that their night of fun was over, dragging both Tommy and Joel kicking and screaming back into his truck.

Even now, Jerry and Carol would never forget the look of pure terror on Maria’s face whenever Richard would storm over to the boys and demand they put on their shoes and coats and head out to the truck. Deep down, there had always been a sneaking suspicion that Maria wasn’t as ok with her marriage as she pretended she was but nobody dared bring it up, not wanting to upset her and possibly scare her off.

Joel knew his father had a violent streak after he saw him squeezing his mother’s wrist a little too tightly after she had politely hugged Jerry goodbye and left a kiss on his cheek. After that day, his twelve year old self vowed that he would try his best to make sure she never got hurt by him and that he kept Tommy safe when his mother couldn’t. When his mother died, Joel took Tommy and they received the comfort they needed from Emily and her parents, Richard running off to a pub to drown out whatever sorrow he had in beer.

At that point, Joel and Emily had only been together for a few months but she didn’t hesitate to do whatever she could to help him find a bit of normality. Now, almost three years since he asked her to be his girlfriend, she was dragging him over to her house in order to celebrate his birthday, Tommy trailing behind them.

“Emily, I swear to God. It ain’t a big deal and I have work tomorrow.” He groaned but she just shook her head.

“Cancelled it. Rick was very understanding.” She said sarcastically and Joel scoffed.

“Highly understanding my ass. Why is it so important to you anyway?”

“Your eighteenth is sort of a big deal to me, Joel. To my mom and dad too. I know your shitty father probably doesn’t even know what today is but we do so we’re celebrating in the best way we could.”

“I don’t think your parents want to be there for that, sweet cheeks.” He teased and she slapped his chest, rolling her eyes.

Carol and Jerry had prepared a meal for Joel, one they knew his mother used to make for him and Joel choked on his tears. “She always tried to teach me how to make this but my shitty cooking could never handle it.” He joked and Emily shuffled further into his side, all of them sat on the couch after the dishes had been put away.

“Well, there’s a few things for you to open.” Carol pushed but Joel shook his head.

“You guys didn’t have to get me anything. Hell you’ve already given me the best birthday present I could ask for. You don’t have to waste your money on me.” Joel tried but they all shook their heads.

“It ain’t a waste if it’s going to someone who deserves it. Catch, this ones from me and Jerry.” Carol threw him a packaged bow and Joel opened it, grinning when he saw the guitar polishing equipment and repair kit.

“How’d you know?” He asked with a slight smile and they shrugged.

“Everytime we ask you to play, a cloud of dust follows the music.” Emily pointed out and Joel pinched her side, pouting.

“This ones from me.” Tommy passed Joel another present and Joel raised his eyebrows as he revealed a Dallas Cowboys jersey.

“Now who the hell did you rob to get the money for somethin’ like this?” Joel asked with a smile and pulled his brother into a tight hug.

“Drugs. Really gets the cash rollin’ in.” Tommy teased and Joel shoved his palm into Tommy’s head.

“Well, time for mine I suppose.” She handed him her present and he smiled as he saw the many music CDs she had bought for him. A few Linda Ronstandt CDs and then some country music as well as some other bands and artists that she knew he liked.

“Thank you baby.” He muttered before pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. A clear of her father’s throat made him pull away and Emily rolled her eyes, glaring at her father.

“Thank you, all of you. I appreciate it a lot.” Joel said and smiled, pressing another kiss to Emily’s temple before Carol stood.

“Actually, there’s one more gift. Now, I’ll let you open it first and then I’ll explain.” Joel frowned in confusion as Carol handed him a box and an envelope. Joel opened the envelope and pulled out a letter, handwriting neat but blotches laid across the page.

My darling,

If you’ve been given this, it probably means that the worst has happened. I never wanted to have to write this but I know that they doubt I’ll make it a few more months nevermind a few more years. I want you to know that I’ll always be proud of you Joel and that I love you very dearly. Truth is, I’m scared to die, not because I’m scared of what comes after but because I’m scared of what will happen to my boys. When you were 12 years old, your lips still sore from where your father had hit when he threw the football at you, you promised to always keep me and your brother safe and I know that you’ve kept your promise and I know that you and Tommy will always have each other, no matter what. Now, I’m scared I’ll run out of paper to write both you and Tommy a letter so I better get to the point and hope that you just know how much I love you. Inside the box is a watch that was given to my grandfather when he turned eighteen and passed down to my father. He wanted to give it to his oldest grandson which just so happens to be you. When you and Emily eventually give me a grandbaby, I know you tried to hide it but I saw you both sneaking out of the back door a few nights ago. I want you to give it to them on their 18th birthday and give them a million and one kisses from me.

I approve of her, Joel. She’s good for you and I know you love her, even if it will take you a while to admit it to her. I love you so so much and wish I could have been there for your special day today and see just how happy you and Tommy are. Never forget how special you are baby, love you always and forever,

Your mama

Joel stared down at the paper in his hands and noticed the tears that had joined his mothers on the page. He folded the paper and tucked it into his wallet before picking up the box and unwrapping it. He took the watch out of the box, turning it over in his hands to see the engravings on the back of the face. In tiny writing, there read three names.

Logan T. Moore

Thomas J. Moore

Joel M. Miller

Joel clipped the watch onto his wrist, the metal clasp a stark contrast to the warmth of his skin. “You okay?” Emily asked gently and Joel nodded, pulling her closer to him and pushing his face into her hair.

“I love you, so fucking much.” He choked out and she smiled while he turned to look at Carol and Jerry. “Thank you, for everything. You practically took me and Tommy in and then you do all this for me and Jerry got me a job. I don’t know what I’ll do to make it up to you but I’m gonna try my damn hardest.”

Joel was embraced by both Carol and Jerry before he hugged Emily again, settling down on the couch as Jerry flipped on the TV. “Now, I know we ain’t got many films but this one used to be a fan favourite.” As the opening credits of the movie started playing, Emily bundled herself up in the blanket had pulled down from the back of the couch and squeezed the hand that she was holding on her inner thigh.

“I love you.” Joel leant down to whisper into her ear. Now that the words had finally been said, he decided that he needed to tell her at every possible moment, needing to make up for all the times he hadn’t said it back.

“I love you too.”

When the movie had ended, Tommy thanked them for dinner and headed up to the spare room while Jerry headed to the bathroom. Carol stayed sat down and Emily caught her eye. Joel had fallen asleep half way through the movie, the emotional events taking a bigger toll on him than he had expected. “Can I speak to you, once Joel is in bed?” Carol asked and she nodded, smiling tiredly.

“Joel. C’mon baby, let’s go to bed.” Emily nudged him and Joel opened one eye before huffing and closing it again, gaining a small laugh out of both Emily and Carol. “C’mon cowboy, go sleep in a real bed.”

“You comin’?” Joel huffed and Emily nodded.

“Yeah, I’m comin’ up right behind you, Joel.” Joel nodded and smiled dopily at Carol before heading up the stairs.

“What d’you wanna talk about?” Emily asked, turning to her mother after watching Joel up the stairs.

“Well, we know Joel and Tommy don’t exactly get along with their dad, and me and your father know that, since Maria passed away, they haven’t exactly had a great summer break and your grandparents have offered us the lakehouse again for two weeks so-.” Emily grinned.

“I’ll talk to him about it. I’m sure he’ll say yes, Tommy will want to anyway.” Emily added and Carol just nodded.

“Well, you let us know what he says honey.” Emily nodded, kissing her mother on the cheek before walking into the bathroom to brush her teeth and then into her room where Joel was laid in a pair of sweatpants, starfishing the bed. “Hey, move over to your side, fat ass.” Emily teased, pinching his ass cheek.

“What took you so long? I’m cold.” Joel whined and Emily laid on her side of the bed, wriggling slightly to get comfortable.

“Just talking to mom, I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

Months passed by, Joel and Tommy spending their Christmas break with the Harpers and, as March drew to a close, Joel realised just how close he was to officially leaving school and was making it his life’s mission to annoy Emily with his knowledge.

“Joel, baby. I love you, I really do, but if you mention how close we are to graduating school one more time, I will not hesitate to fucking kick you out of my bed.” Emily groaned one afternoon when she and Joel had been going over their workbooks.

“Sorry.” He muttered and rested his head on his arm as he almost face planted the bed. “I got a call from my grandma a few days ago.” Joel whispered, almost like it was a secret.

“Your mom's mom?” Emily asked, shocked and Joel nodded.

“She wanted to see me and Tommy and I didn’t promise him anything because I didn’t want him to get his hopes up. Point is, they had a proposal for me.” Emily looked at him and he smiled.

“You know that house on Fairway, the one that never has anybody living in it?” Emily nodded and Joel grinned. “Turns out it belongs to my grandparents and they want me to have it, they promised my ma that, as soon as I was old enough to have the deeds signed over, I could have it. They set a meeting up with some lawyer or something and, before the end of this year, the house should be mine.”

“Joel, that’s great baby. Your own house, a proper job. How the hell am I meant to top that?” Emily joked and Joel looked at her sincerely.

“What if you moved in with me?”

“What?” Emily asked, wondering if he was joking.

“When your dad found out about me and you, his only request was that I looked after you. Baby, I’ll be working full-time, not just stupid hours at the garage, I’ll have a house that I’ll only need to pay for water and electricity. Course, I’ll have to find a way for Tommy to stay with me, I’m sure he could live with my grandma but-.”

“Joel, Joel. Take a step back a second. You’d want me to move in with you?” She asked, her hand resting on top of his.

“Of course I do. I spend the majority of my free time with you, I stay here most weekends and I-. Ok, I don’t expect you to answer me straight away, hell the house hasn’t even been signed to me yet. Think about it, talk to your folks about it and let me know, ok? Even if you just stay a few nights a week, I don’t care. I don’t constantly want to feel like I’m pushing your parents to provide for me and Tommy.”

“You know they don’t mind one bit-.”

“You didn’t let me finish. I don’t want to have to live with my dad anymore and I want to get Tommy out as soon as possible, ok? I don’t want to keep depending on him because it just gives him another reason to keep talking to me and keep thinking he’s my father. Understand?” Emily nodded and Joel leaned over and cupped her jaw, pressing a kiss to her lips and then her nose. “Think about it, we’ve got plenty of time to figure it out, sweet cheeks. Hell, you live with your parents for as long as you want.” He pecked her again before the door swung open and Tommy stood in the doorway.

“You’ll never believe it, Joel.” Tommy cried and Joel frowned.

“What?”

“Grandma turned up at home and confronted dad. Hell, he really wasn’t happy about it but as soon as I saw Aunt Laura’s car I came runnin’ over here. Come on, I wanna-.” Joel was already out of the bed, telling Tommy to stay put and heading out of the door, hopping as he pulled on his trainers and jogged down the street towards his house.

“She left those boys with you and you failed them!” Joel could hear the yelling from outside the house and rushed in, met with the sight of his father standing in front of the counter, face red with anger and his grandmother and Aunt stood across from him, equally as angry.

“She set them up for failure after she fuckin’ babied them all their lives. Can’t play football for shit, can’t throw a punch. Hell, the youngest looks like some fucking girl.” Richard yelled and Joel walked closer.

“Shut up about Tommy or I swear to God.” Joel seethed and all eyes were on him as he stood up straighter, the few centimetres he had over his father making the older man have to look up slightly. “If it weren’t for her, me and Tommy would have been living off of meals from the Harpers but the basic shit she got to teach me means I can make us some breakfast and I can make a few meals here and there.” Silence fell across the room and Joel scoffed.

“Who the hell do you think you are boy? Your mother always said you’d end up with that girl down the road and once you finally get your dick wet, the slut’s mother brainwashes-.” Joel couldn’t comprehend the words before he swung his arm and landed a punch on his fathers jaw.

“Don’t say a word about them, any of them.” Joel was pushing his father slightly and didn’t hear the other footsteps come into the house. “Carol gave me and Tommy food and made sure we had a safe, clean space to sleep.” He shoved his father further backwards, emotion seeping through his words. “Jerry always offered me someone to talk to and has even set me up with a job that’ll see me through til I’m ready to retire.” Joel pushed him again but harder. “And that girl is my fucking girlfriend. She is the one constant that I’ve had since ma died and you ain’t even met her properly. She didn’t care that I was fuckin’ heartbroken, didn’t care that I take Tommy everywhere with me and she sure as hell didn’t when it took me almost three years to admit out loud that I loved her. Where were you for my eighteenth birthday? For Tommy’s fifteenth?” Joel hit his father’s chest and the man’s back hit the wall.

“I’ve spent years holdin’ out a little bit of hope that maybe you’d grow up and turn into the father that you were meant to be. Hell, even after you sent me away and admitted that you didn’t see me as your son, I held out hope. I wanted you to be better, dad. I was rootin’ for you. I cleaned up after you, I made sure there was meds for your hangovers, I kept your kid alive and after all that, you still ain’t got nothin’ good to say about any of us. After all that, you still say that my mama raised me wrong.” Joel clenched his fists and watched as amusement flashed across his father’s face.

“You always were a mama’s boy. Used to sit there and let her read to you and she’d let the pair of you get away with murder.” It almost sounded like his father was reminiscing. “But the bitch never learnt to let you grow up.” Joel didn’t hold back this time, punching him again and again and again until his fist was sore and his father had a bloody nose and was slumped against the wall. Letting all his anger out on him until someone wrapped their arms around him and pulled him away.

“I wanna kill him! Let me kill him! It should have been you!” Joel yells were let out through tears and sobs and he felt himself being held tighter as he tried to fight the grasp of whoever was holding him. He noticed the work boots of Jerry and then it was dark as his head was pressed against the man, turning him away from the person he had to call his father.

“You’re ok, kid. I’ve got ya, you’re ok, Joel.” Jerry muttered into his ear and Joel hit his arms against Jerry’s chest weakly before he felt his legs give out and black clouded his mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't forget to like and reblog if you enjoyed!

#joel miller #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller x oc #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #joel miller fluff #joel miller series #tlou hbo #the last of us hbo #joel miller the last of us #the last of us #tommy miller #So It's Gonna Be Forever

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bunny-lou · 2 years

Text

Good Boy, Part 5 - (The Black Phone Fic, hurt!Finney Shaw)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Summary: The Grabber only wanted to play Naughty Boy. He didn’t actually want a Naughty Boy. No, the Grabber wanted a Good Boy, a Sweet Boy, a Loving Boy.

And Finn is prepared to be anything he needs to survive.

Warnings: Child abuse, child grooming, inappropriate relationship between adult and minor, non-consensual voyeurism, a kidnapped child is forced to do whatever his kidnapper wants. Anything that is done or implied in the movie also takes place in this fic.

Finney closes his eyes and tries to focus on anything else. Well, not anything. He tries not to think of Robin because that’s too much, so is thinking of Gwen. He tries to think of what they were learning in science. He hardly remembers his teacher’s voice. They were learning about frogs, right? The biology, what their insides were like, the best way to slice open their guts. If he tries, he can almost hear the buzzing of the old heater and the mumble of his classmates. The scalpel in his hand is lighter than he though, the blade is duller than what they need and he has to really push to puncture the slimy skin. What he wouldn’t give to have that scalpel right now-.

“Where did you get these scars from?” The Grabber is behind him, in bed. They are laying sideways. Finney is clothed in an old T-shirt, likely one that belonged to the Grabber. No pajamas had been provided for him and as disgusting as it was, he wasn’t going to lay bare-chested in bed.

Not that it matters. The Grabber constantly moves his baggy shirt up, down, to the side, bunched under his arms, touching Finney in all the ways the shirt fails to protect.

“Finney?”

He knows the fucking scars the Grabber is asking about. He’s been expecting this question for a while. Anytime this happens – the Grabber helping himself to Finney’s body in the quiet, exploring the places that make Finney’s skin crawl, even if all he’s doing right now is touching – the Grabber pokes and prods at the scars that he didn’t leave. There has been an obsession with the scars on his back, fingers that trace again and again, and the Grabber wants to know everything.

“Finney.” The Grabber’s hand slides up his side and into his hair, yanking his head back so Finney is forced to arch with the force, looking back to see the top of the mask, and a naked face beneath the eyes.

“My dad. Bullies.” Finney grunts.

The Grabber grumbles, but doesn’t release his hold. “Your father did this to you?”

Finney tries to nod his head. His eyes are beginning to water.

“Was it before your mom died?”

Fuck that stupid newspaper.

Finney loved his mom, he loved her so much it hurt, loved her despite the things she saw and the way she acted. He had hoped loving her would be enough to scare off the things in her mind. His dad had gotten rough in her last few months, when she was always panicked and yelling and Finney and Gwen were little and loud. Terrence was never rough towards his beautiful wife though, only toward Finney and Gwen who were scared and full of energy.

“After.�� Finney says.

The whippings didn’t come until after she died.

Slowly, the Grabber releases his hair. His broad hands travel from mark to mark. There are plenty of them – Finney is (was) a good brother and he protected Gwen when he could, took the beatings made for her. He couldn’t protect his mom, he couldn’t protect himself, but he could protect her.

“What’s the story behind this one?”

It’s a jagged cut along his ribs, not far from his spine. Terrence had thrown an empty bottle against the wall and Finney had tried to run. Something – a book, if he remembers right – had struck him in the head and sent him tumbling down onto the broken glass. One horrible shard had sliced right through his shirt and skin and stained the carpet.

Gwen had spent almost a full day trying to scrub his blood out.

“I fell on glass.” Finney tells him. His head is still turned away, glaring at the sink in the bathroom so he doesn’t have to look anywhere else.

“What about this one?”

A circle on the back of his arm. He hadn’t done the dishes one night, too tired to even look at them. He planned on waking up early to finish them, but he wasn’t up before his dad and Terrence held the lit end of cigarette to his skin to wake him up and get him out of bed.

Gwen had returned home from Susie’s later that morning with some burn cream. Finney didn’t need to ask her how she knew.

“A cigarette burn.” He grits.

The Grabber doesn’t like his short answers, but Finney doesn’t really like to talk about these things.

“What about this one? Looks like a knife.”

It was. It was from Moose, earlier this year. Finney was cornered after school and he didn’t do a damn thing to Moose or Matty or Buzz, but they all fucking hated him. Moose said he had taken it from his older brother. It was the smallest pocket knife Finney had ever seen, but the glint of the blade had scared the shit out of him. Moose had gotten one swipe at his side before Robin was there, fists against Moose’s teeth.

It was the first time Finney had ever really talked to Robin. They made plans to study together that weekend.

Finney doesn’t realize his cheeks are wet until he speaks and the words tumble from his mouth. “Jerks at school with a pocket knife. A-After class.” He shakily reaches up to wipe at his face.

The Grabber doesn’t stop. “And this one?”

An innocent bike accident from when he was young and scraped his elbow so bad, his mother had taken him to the doctor. “Fell off my bike and I-I had pieces of asphalt removed.”

“This one?”

He had made too much noise when his father was hungover. It wasn’t the first time Terrence whipped him, but it was the first time it was that bad. “The t-t-T.V. was too loud. I woke my dad up. He used the...the buckle end.” Finney trembles and clutches the blanket. “It hurt so bad.”

“What about here?”

Gwen had misbehaved at school and Terrence had been called in to talk to the principal. They both knew it would be terrible, so Finney tried to make her some hot chocolate, as if that would offer some kind of comfort. When Terrence came home, he “grabbed Gwen and threw her against the wall and-and-and she hit her head, so I yelled at him and he turned around and hit me and I-I fell against the stove and it was my fault because I knew I shouldn’t have the stove on when he was around.”

When did he start speaking out loud?

At some point during his tears, Finney was moved and forced against the Grabber’s side, his head laying on the warm chest as he sobbed.

He misses Gwen, he misses Robin, he misses his mom. He’s had to deal with his dad and the bullies and now this monster that is rocking him in the bed they share. Why isn’t Finney allowed to be happy, why does the world hate him, why?

He’s so tired of being strong and playing this game. He’s tired of the beatings and the starvation and the fucking. He’s tired of living.

He’s so damn tired.

Finney’s sobs simmered into hiccups after long enough. He becomes aware of a hand stroking his hair and another hand stroking his back – intentionally avoiding all his scars, despite the years they have been healed.

In the morning, he’ll hate himself. In the morning, he’ll be so disgusted he could vomit. But right here, with a hand soothing his hair back and another rubbing circles on his spine, resting on a warm chest with steady breathing, when his eyes are so heavy, he can’t even keep them open...

Finney gives up and allows himself to fall asleep.

Above him, the Grabber kisses his head.

---

Probably one of my favorite parts. If you don’t mind reblogging stuff with dark material like this, I would appreciate some spreading of my work!

#the black phone #finney blake #the grabber #gwen blake #robin arellano #my writing

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proudfreakmetarusonniku · 1 year

Note

Could you do something for “You think you’re so smart, don’t you?”

TW: Abuse, kidnapping, restraints, referenced murder and human experimentation, manipulation

Tommy woke up to a banging headache in a pitch black room, body screaming in agony from lying on cold stone. Groaning in pain, he strained to try and sit up only to find heavy, tight chains holding him down and making it impossible to so much as flinch.

Prime. He needed a fucking potion. The gnawing sense of emptiness hurt worse than anything else, sending ants marching through his skin and his brain.

Suddenly, a bright light shined directly into his eyes, illuminating the room. Tommy gagged seeing how red it was- he wasn’t fucking stupid, he knew that shade. Even despite the sickening sweet smell of flowery perfume covering the rot, it was clear- someone had to have died here, for the room to be covered in so much blood.

A claw hooked underneath his chin, forcing him to painfully crane his neck up to look in the face of his captor (he wasn’t even surprised to see that damned fucking mask again, because really, of course it’d be him). Dream gave a pleased trilling noise as Tommy glared at him, sounding excited. “Oh, Tommy! You're awake!”

“Where the fuck am I?”

“Oh, the old cells I kept the old test subjects in, before they bored me too much.” There was an ice cold venom in that, like boring him was a crime worthy of the worst scorn. “You can leave once you learn some humility. The room, I mean, I'm not stupid enough to let you run to big brother Wilby. Aww, wait… he left, didn’t he? Everyone leaves you but me.”

“What do you even mean? Humility? I was- I just wanted you to leave me alone. I wasn’t- I wasn't-“

Dream cut him off with a sharp slap. “You think you’re so smart, don’t you? Oh, yeah, you just wanted to be left alone, that’s why you’ve been stalking me. Did you think I was stupid enough to not notice the invisibility particles, Tommy? Oh, you naïve little thing. I almost admire it, y’know?”

Tommy was stupid. Tommy was so, so fucking stupid. Of course Dream noticed. Maybe he deserved this. He let out a sob he didn’t know he was holding back. “How long…?”

“The whole time?” Dream laughed, bemused. “You really are an idiot, Tommy. How could I not notice you following me around like a lost puppy as soon as your so-called brother left you all alone? It's sweet, really, seeing you come crawling back as soon as everyone else shows their true colours. I can’t be that mad.”

Tommy spat directly onto Dream's dumb mask. “That isn’t what I was doing and you know it, cunt.”

He expected a hit, but instead Dream only gently ruffled his blood-matted hair, putting pressure on a wound he didn’t know he had and causing him to whimper in pain, something Dream pointedly ignored. “And he doesn’t even know himself. You poor little thing. So lost without someone to guide you. Don’t worry, Tommy. I'll get you to realise in no time.”

#My writing #primeboys (derogatory)#dream smp au #tw abuse #tw kidnapping #tw restraint #tw manipulation

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x3kristax3 · 2 years

Text

⚠️TW: drug abuse talk, fighting, small bit of curising

A Part of Me 3/3

First| Last

We pull up to the apartment and jessy is getting ready to get in a cab

"Jessy!" I yell to get her attention she looks and closes the cab door and walks over

"About time you guys showed up" she says crossing her arms

"Sorry i needed sleep and we had coffee and we needed to talk some things through this morning" i say

"I bet he was thinking of going back on that promise" she says looking at him

"No Jessy it was exactly what i said" i say getting between them

"Why are you defending him after everything hes done to you?" She asks

"Lets go inside and talk" i say

"I agree. I'm willing to do that just like i said i would" says Jake

"Fine" says Jessy

We all walk back into the apartment

"Wow different from what i remember it" says Jake

"Yeah i kept it the same for those 6 months then when i came back from the hospital anything that reminded me of you i got rid and replaced as i had the money" i say

"Yea which with her tips from the bar didn't take her long at all" says Jessy

Me and him sit in the oversized chair and Jessy on the couch

"Look Jessy, i know i messed up when i just up and left Krista but there were people after me. The same people that burned my moms house to the ground. I had to run and cut off all contact with her and everyone its the only way i could keep you all safe, specially Krista" he says looking at me

"Why didnt you leave a note saying so?" Ask Jessy

"I didnt want her looking into finding them" he says

"You know i would of Jessy, you know what i was like that night. I turned this place upset down looking for a clue" i say

"That you did this place looked like we were ransacked" she says then she looks at Jake "how do I know your not gonna just leave again in 6 months or a year or whenever?"

"I dealt with my past. Im not wanted by the FBI anymore. Ive been waiting for the right time to come back into Krista's life for 2 months and last night in the club when i saw her and that dude i just couldn't wait. It was the first time i had seen her since that day i left expect for a picture i kept hidden and i couldn't let a guy like that think he stood a chance" he says

'Look Jessy i know you think i dont have room to talk because Jake is my brother but we all knew his past and we all saw how he was before he left and i can still tell he's in love with her" says Hannah

"I'm with hannah on this Jessy. You can tell he still just wants to keep her safe even last night he punched that dude cause he wouldn't listen to her" says Cloe

"I think Dan needs to be in on this" says Jessy as she grabs her phone

"Jessy no….. ill talk to Dan. Cause i know if you call him and tell him Jake is back hes gonna be in his car on his way out here to hurt Jake" i say

"Your right i would be" says Dan walking out of the bedroom

I jump up "seriously you called him?" I say standing between him and Jake

"Yeah last night when you disappeared" says Jessy

"I just came in this morning" says Dan standing right in front of me and Jake stands up behind me and grabs me to move me

"Jake dont" i say turning my head towards him

'Krista me and him need to talk" says Jake

"You can with me between you guys" i say

"Krista move this is something that needs done" says Dan and he clenches his knuckles

'Dan please im begging you" i say with tears foaming "please let's all just talk"

" no" Dan says

I grab jakes hand and walks to my room putting me between Jake and Dan

"Krista don't do this dont protect the guy that is the reason you almost died" says Dan

"I forgave him can't you all just accept that and that even though everything I still love him" i say as i start crying

Jake turns me around facing him " what did you just say?"

"I still love you" i say as i lean into him crying

He wraps his arms around me. "All I want to do is protect her. That's all i ever wanted to do"

"You don't understand what we went through when she went through that breakdown. I tried looking for you myself cause i wanted hurt you for hurting her" says Dan "shit still want to hurt you"

"I get that Dan i do but believe me when i tell you i drank myself through it as well. You guys have no idea how bad i wanted to just say screw it all and come running back to her but i knew id put her in danger and i couldn't do that" say jake as i just hold him tight. Jake picks me up and carries me back to the chair as he sits down with me in his lap

"Dan and Jessy look at how he's just trying to protect her and make her stop crying now. Do you really think he wanted to hurt her like that?" Says Cloe

Dan looks at us "no but i don't trust him"

I look at Dan "i'm not asking you to trust him. Im asking you guys to trust me that im doing what's right for me"

"You know we trust you" says Jessy

"Then let me trust him. He doesnt have to move back in with us but i need him back in my life" i say

Jessy crosses her arms "fine but i swear to God jake you hurt her again and you will regret it"

I look at Dan "dan i need you to trust me"

"I trust you but I'm the same as Jessy"

"I can't promise if things dont work out but i promise as long as things are working i won't do that again" says Jake

Everyone walks away expect Dan

I stand up "can i leave you two alone?" I ask

"I'll come with you" says Jake as he stands up and takes my hand

"Im going to shower and change" i say

"Ill stay in the room" he says

I look at Dan "you stay out" i say

"Fine" dan say

Jake and i go into my room "Damn you really even changed everything in here too" jake says

"This was the first room. I got out and came home and started taking things out and ordering things. All the memories in here when you left drove insane. Until everything was out i slept in Jessy bed" i say going into my closet and grabbing jean shorts and a cropped shirt i turn and see him staring at me. "What?"

"You just memorize me and i missed you this last year and a half" he says walking up to me and pulling me close. He leans in and kisses me.

As he does Jessy walks in "krista theres something i need to say" she says then sees us breaking the kiss "really? Were already going back to this?"

"What Jessy?" I say looking at her

"That dude last night came up to me after you guys left and told me if he sees you again no guy is gonna stop him from taking you home" she says

I roll my eyes as Jake says "yeah until i punch him in that face of his"

"Jake!?" I say

Jessy laughs "i knew he was gonna say that" as she turns and walks away

"What he tries anything thats what is gonna happen" he says

I walk away and jump in the shower this time unlike last time i lock the door so Jake can't come in.

I come out of the bathroom after getting showered and dressed and see jake looking through a box i had under my bed of pictures of him and I together and stuff he gave me.

He sees me "i didn't expect you to keep theses all"

"Its the only things i couldn't…. You have no idea how many times i tried. Even Jessy offered and i just couldn't" i say sitting next to him.

He pulls out the very first picture we took together. "Man this was so weird showing my face to a camera after so many years of hiding" he says

"I know it took so long to get you to agree and to get that smirk from you" i say and i reach in and pull out a little jewelry bag. "I put that promise ring in here. I couldn't wear it but couldn't get rid of it" i say as i pull it out

Jakes grab it from me "i remember that night like it was yesterday" he says

Jessy opens the door "i remember it too. You guys came home and she was so happy she couldn't contain herself. I swear the whole floor heard her" she says leaning against the door

I grab it back from jake and put it back in the bag and i see a photo he pulled out. "This night" i say grabbing the photo from him "it was just you and me. Jessy had gone back to duskwood for the weekend and it was the only night we both had off together. I came home from work dead exhausted and you had ordered Chinese take out and ran a bubble bath for me and we stayed up all night watching movie. And we took this photo hyped up on sugar" i say laughing

"I remember that fight the night before" says Jake "you were so mad cause we were suppose to have a date night and i got call into work and you had gotten all dressed up and i had to call and cancel everything. That night i was trying to make it up. It might not have been a fancy night out on town but we were together and smiling and laughing so i accepted the defeat of hurting you the night before"

"It might not have been the same but it was just us alone which after everything was much needed" i say

"Theres one photo not in there that i couldn't let you toss" says Jessy pulling it out of her pocket and hands it to Jake

"Its just me at my desk" he says

I look at it "we had a fight that night but i couldn't sleep so i was sitting in bed and i looked up and i just had to snap this of you in your element" i say looking at it

"I remember that fight it was your guys first one. Jake got so mad cause we had a girls night and you came home drunk and there was no money missing and i slipped and told him guys kept buying you drinks all night" says Jessy

"Yeah that night i thought i was out of my league with you" jake says

I look at him "even through everything you knew about me? At that point of our relationship?" I say

Dan pops behind Jessy "i always said you were out of his league but you always faught it and said it was the other way around"

I look away and i feel Jake reach for me and i move and go out on the balcony.

"Guys just stay please i think me and her need to talk just us" he says getting out and following me. He sees me sitting in an egg chair, "you still have that?" He says closing the door

"I couldn't get rid of this" i say as i pick my feet into it leaving the foot rest in front of me open as i look away from him

Jake sits down on it "hey, whats going on?" He says grabbing my hand

"The memories, the fights, the inputs from Jessy and Dan just reminded me how imperfect we were together. Those things were things this last year i forgot and makes me wonder if we can make this work" i say as i feel his hands against my skin

"Believe me i hadn't forgotten those moments but you know what i also didn't forget?" He says

"Whats that?" I say looking at him

"One that look…. The look of pure love when we would fight and i would catch you looking at me. How deep i fell for you without ever touching you, how no matter how stubborn you can be, you're selfless and caring,drop dead gorgeous, and funny . How i never thought i would give a promise ring to anyone and within 2 months of having in you in my arms I knew I never wanted to lose you. How even that night i left i found myself at a jewelry store looking at engagement rings"

"What?" I say leaning towards him

"Yeah that night after i drove away i pulled into a jewelry store and stared at an engagement ring in the window i wanted to buy you"

A tear falls down my eye "after you left i looked at a store and there was one i wanted so bad for you to buy and come walking through that door and getting on a knee. I had actually saved up money and was going to go buy it and put it on a chain for if i ever saw you again to give you and when i went it was gone. The guy said some man came in and bought it and it was a one of a kind ring." I say

Jake reaches into his coat pocket on the inside "i was told that when i bought this one" he says showing it to me

I fall into tears "that's the one" i say

"Then lets update that promise ring in that box with something thats us. Once in a lifetime kind of love" jake says as he gets on a knee. "Krista i promise you one day i will move this ring to your left hand and make you my wife until then i promise you i will protect you and love you through all the good, bad, and ugly"

Jessy swings open the door "no your not allowed to propose to her"

"I accept those promises Jake" i say as i kiss him and he slides it on my right hand

"I wasn't proposing to her, Jessy." He says as he breaks the kiss

My heart sinks realizing how much they dont trust him "jessy go please i know you want to protect me but i need you to trust me with him"

"I trust you but not him" she says

"Jake ill be back" and i bring jessy and dan back into the living room. We sit down

"No im not trusting him…. I didnt trust him in Duskwood and he proved i cant trust him when he left you like that" says Dan

"I asked you guys to trust me when it comes to him and you said you do but obviously that isnt the case" i say crossing my arms as cloe and Hannah walks in from the kitchen

"Whats happening now?" Asks Hannah "i thought we dealt with this"

"I thought so too but they cant let Jake and I be alone to work through this ourselves" i say

" cause he's your blind spot" says Jessy as i see Jake walk out of my bedroom

"You don't think i don't know that Jessy? I wanted to deify him when it came to Hannah and Richy in those mines. I wanted to go in there instead of him! If i had the FBI wouldn't have shown up and i would of been in there when richy set the fire. I wouldn't have made it out. We wouldn't be where we are right now if i had done that" i say getting up and going into the kitchen

Jake follows me and comes up behind me and pulls me in as im standing at the sink and i start crying

"Guys you have to trust her cause she's right. If jake hadn't talked her out of going we would of have lost her and Richy that night." Says cloe

"And i would of never got to know my brother and Phil would of never got out of prison Jessy" says Hannah

"You two weren't here that night" says Jessy

"No but we were here when she told us the truth why they had to pump her stomach like they did and she made us promise never to tell you" says cloe

I hear them and run out there and pull my shirt up. "I bought drugs that night Jessy on top of that alcohol in my stomach there was drugs. Thats why i flatlined the combination of the two because i thought Jake was dead as well and i couldn't image living without him" i say in tears.

Jake pulls me into him and Dan realizes whats going on and walks up to me and Jake

"Jake i need to say something to her" he says

"You can say it like this" says Jake

I look towards Dan and he can see my eyes

"I didn't know you did that. I didnt know about the drugs. Im sorry you thought that you couldn't talk to me boo about how hard it was. Thinking you thought i wouldn't have dropped everything that night and speed out here to help you"

Jessy walks to her room and slams the door. I walk away from everyone and knock on her door "Jessy can i come in"

"Only you" she says

Jake is right behind me "please stay. Shes my best friend and i hid that for a year from her" he kisses my forehead and i open the door and close it behind me locking it so noone can come in

"Im sorry i hid that for an entire year from you" i say

"Why did you tell hannah and cloe but not me?" She says

"I needed them to get the package for the hospital when i came into my sense and if i told you. Everything of Jakes that was left you would of tossed before i had a chance to do it" i say sitting next to her

"What was it?" She asks

"Oxy" i say with my head down

She hugs me "im not gonna lie i knew you were hiding something but i thought you were still looking for Jake not that"

"It was only the once i did it. Waking up in the hospital with the tubes and the wires scared me so bad" i sa try crying

"Coming home to you barely breathing scared me so bad i never want to see that again. Which is why i don't want Jake back in your life" she says

"Remember us looking at the engagement ring and i wished over and over again i had got it?" I say

"How can i forget we tried finding others like it with no luck" she says. I show her the new ring "that's the ring!" She says

"That night he left he saw it and ended up being the guy that bought it" i say

She gets up and goes out there and hugs Jake for the first time since he came back "without even asking her best friend you knew what she wanted in a ring" she says

"Jessy i love her. I never want to hurt her. Last night when i felt that scar and she told me everything my heart broken because i realized at that point i hurt her and hadn't protected her like i had always promised her i would do" he says "one day i will ask you in advance if i can marry her but right now i just want to keep her safe. Even if now its just douchebags in this city"

I come walking up to them and wrap my arm around him "and im okay with that cause that means no bad guys" i say looking up at him

"Fine you can keep him again" she says

"I was planning even if you didn't approve" i say with a laugh

"But i have to go i have one of my hacker buddies in town and he's been getting into who knows what kind of trouble" says Jake

"Is that the one that was there this morning when i woke up?" I ask

"Yeah, want to officially meet him?" He asks handing me the helmet again

I look at the rest of the group "go ahead ive been bothering you since you chased him out of the club last night" says Jessy

"I think you mean ran out of the club to him" i say with a laugh

"She really did" says Jake as he hands me the helmet again

"One condition you get me a better helmet" i say grabbing it

"Deal i want to protect you" he says as he kisses me. I grab my purse and we head outside.

Jake makes a call as I see the guy from last night he comes up to me and he grabs my arm "your coming with me" he says

I swing at him and one of his friends grab my other arm i yell Jake

He turns around and swings at the guys friend who drops to the ground letting me go but the guy doesnt " dude didnt you learn your lesson last night? She's mine" asks Jake

"Nope there isn't a ring on that hand so shes fair game" he says

I put all my weight into my butt making me fall backwards and Dan comes outside and sees whats happening and grabs me as jake grabs the guy buy the shirt and swings at him and throws him "touch her again and it will be the last thing you wish you did" he says as he turns and sees me in Dans arms. He comes up to us "thanks Dan" he says

" i knew you needed to do that but wanted to get her away" he says as police come up and the guy points at Jake and I.

The police walk up "what happened miss?" They ask

"He grabbed me when i went to swing at him his friend grabbed my other hand. I called for my boyfriend and he did hit them to protect me" i say

He looks at Jake "is this true?"

"Yes officer" jake say

"Thats what the witness who called said they are trying to say you got up on them and he swung at them"

"Wow yeah not what happened" i say showing the police my arms where they both grabbed me

"Thank you" he says going and arresting them

I lean into Jake "you called me your boyfriend" he says with smile

"You claimed me as yours when protecting me. You didn't last night" i say

"Cause last night i didnt know if you wanted me to" he says

"I followed you out of a club" i say looking up at him

He kisses me "lets go we can do this forever" he says putting his helmet on.

I watch him get on the bike and bite my lips and put my helmet on and get on wrapping my arms around him. Before he starts up the bike "Jake?" I say

"Yeah" he say squeezing my thigh

"I love you"

"I love you too" he says as he starts and takes back off to his apartment

We walk up to it and his friend is at the door. "Krista, this is Dallas"

"Nice to officially met you Krista. Sorry i ran out this morning Jake wasn't sure i guess what gonna happen" he says

"Whats your hacker name?" I ask

"Im the one who told you the lie about Jake and another girl. He asked me to and to track your location last night so he could do something to get you back" he says

"Jesus thanks man rough day" says Jake

"Oh so your the one that all that time i was looking for him would make it seem like he was gone?" I say

"Ugh….." he says

"Dude be honest with her i swear its best…. I trained her" says Jake

"You didnt train her to hide her location very good" he says

"I purposely left it open so Jake could always find me" i say looking at Jake

He pulls me into his apartment and theres a girl in there. "What the hell? How did you get in?" He asks and she shows a key

"Did you forget you gave me this?" She says as she walks closer to him and tries to kiss Jake

I walk up and swing at her "he's mine drop the key and back off" i say

She ducks "who's this crazy bitch?"

"Exactly as she said… shes mine" says Jake

"What about that one night?" She asks

"It was one night i told you my heart belonged to someone i was drunk and lonely" jake says

I look at him "you slept with her?" I raise my voice

"Yes he did and it was amazing" she says

I bolt past jake and Dallas and run down the stairs and outside.

"Dallas deal with her please? I can't lose Krista" says Jake running after me

Im right outside the apartment building and im just looking both ways as i grab my phone. Jake grabs my arm "krista please don't go"

"You slept with someone when i was breaking down missing you. Thinking you were dead and she has a key to your apartment" i say pulling away and going to call Jessy

"Please Krista" he says grabbing my phone and hanging up on Jessy. "It was once she stole my key and made a copy i didn't know she did"

I start walking away and Dallas is walking her out and says "leave him alone he doesn't care about you" he says getting her a cab

Jake grabs my right hand pulling me into him and he sees the tears in the street lights "its always been you Krista" he says touching the ring

"Then prove it right here. Prove it to me right now its always gonna be me" i say giving him the ring and my phone as it dials Jessy on speaker

"Krista what's wrong?" She asks

"Jessy can i marry Krista?" Says Jake

"No its too soon" she hangs up

"I can't without her blessing" he says

I walk away and Dallas stops me "don't walk away from him because of her. Shes crazy as one of his buddies i promise you this ive never seen him like this with anyone else like he is with you. Any other girl he would of dealt with crazy before chasing the other girl"

"Your the one that stopped me from finding him and now you don't want me to walk away?"

"Krista turn around please" says Jake. I turn around and he's on his knee for the second time today. "I can't promise you easy, i can't promise it will always be worth it, but I'll always love you. Krista, will you marry me one day?" He asks grabbing my left hand

"But Jessy told you no" i say

"I don't care i cant lose you again" he says as he slides the ring on and its a perfect fit as he stands up i kiss him and he pulls me close

"You really don't want me to walk away huh?" I say

"Now you can't," he says as he picks me up.

I hear Dallas behind us " are we gonna get food?"

"Chinese?" I say with a laugh. All of a sudden i see Jessy calling my phone that Jake still has "i should answer that" i grab the phone and its video "hey Jessy"

"I swear to God he better not have asked you" she says

Jake gets into the camera "sorry but i can't lose her again" he says grabbing my left head

"Jake!" She yells

"Jessy we will talk later were in the street were heading for Chinese" i say

"No im coming to his apartment now so you guys better wait everyone else went back to Duskwood" she says and hangs up the phone

"Sorry guys, looks like we're waiting" i say as i head back inside.

Once inside Jakes apartment i look around and I notice a picture on the wall that is of him and I. I walk up to it and run my fingers on it. Jake walks up behind me "that has always been my favorite picture of us" he says

"Mine too…. You took it off the wall that night and i knew you left not because you wanted to but had too" i say

"Is that why you looked so long?" He says

"Yeah exactly why because i knew you wouldn't take that picture unless you planned on coming back into my life. We were having our first official date when we moved out here just you and me. You got a reservation at this super fancy restaurant and got me that dress. We stood in front of a mirror and i snapped that picture while you were memorized by me"

"I still am memorized by you Krista"

There's a knock on the door and Dallas opens it " ugh guys there is a pissed redhead here" he says and she pushes past him

"I told you it was too soon when you called asking"

"Jessy i told him to do it if he has the balls" i say getting between then

"Why?" She asks.I told her all that just happened with the other girl. She pushes me out of the way "while she was breaking down thinking you were gone, you slept with another girl!?" She says getting ready to swing

"Jessy, please listen to me!" I yell

"Krista no….. were not doing this again like at our apartment its either me or him and if you pick him i'm going back to Duskwood" she say.

"Jessy please don't make me choose" i say as i fall on the floor against the wall with tears in my eyes. Jake tries to come to me and Jessy stops him

"No she needs to pick between you and me right now" she says

I get up and walk out of the apartment building again and start walking away

"Jessy you can afford to lose her. I cant!" Says Jake as he runs out after me im a block away already and he runs towards me once hes up to me he gets in front of me and he sees the tears run down my face "i won't make you choose i just can't lose you" he says holding me close

I hear Jessy running up "i guess you made your choice" she says

" Jessy no your my best friend…. Jake is my soulmate no matter which i pick i lose a piece of my heart"

"Well i did in the mine" says Jessy

"You still have me. Don't let this happen" i say facing her

"Then tell him no make it a promise ring" she says

"Its a promise to one day marry me no matter which hand its on" i say to her

"Well he just came back" she says

"Did Dan not tell you what happened outside of our apartment.. if i let Jake walk away he wont be able did to protect me if that guy comes back" i say

"Wait he already tried?" She says

"Yes! Jake punched him and his friend to get me safe and Dan pulled me away as soon as he could" i say

"This is true Jessy. All i ever want to do is keep her safe. Yes i moved the ring to her left hand but we're not gonna rush the wedding planning but i have to keep her safe." Says Jake wrapping his arms around me

I walk up to Jessy "please trust me. If he hurts me like that again you can do whatever you want to him" i say

"Im holding you too that" she says hugging me.

I hug her back "do you understand what I'm trying to say?" I say as Dallas finally catches up to us

"No but even in 24 hours i see a different glow around you and i can't stop that" she says

"Then join us for Chinese and we will talk about it" i say

"Yes we need food" says Dallas

"Fine" she says i walk back to Jake and he holds my hand. We get to the place which isn't far a walk and they sit us down.

We all place our orders and i look at Jessy across the table

"Hey its okay. He's a free man. No more hiding or having to run to protect me" i say grabbing my best friends hand.

"I just don't see how after what happened how you can forgive him so easy" she says

"Remembed how after the mine you said you would do anything to have richy back even after everything?" I say

"Yeah that was the first night you came to duskwood" she says

"You would of forgiven him for everything he did to you, hannah, all of us just to have him back. Am i right?"

She sighs and looks out the window "yeah"

"Then how is me forgiving Jake any different? He left to protect me from the FBI so we didnt get caught in the cross fire" i say

"I get it he's better then richy" she says standing up

I stand up with her "no I'm not saying that. Im saying if you were in my position with richy you would of done the same things. The steps would of been exactly same. You would be standing in front of your best friend explaining the same thing" i say

She looks at me and then looks at Jake as him and dallas or talking computers "you really love him huh?" She says looking back at me

"Yes. Ive never loved someone like this. I really thought he was gone for good until the club" i say as i sit back down and lean against him. He squeezes my thigh

"Please sit down Jessy. I know things wont be how they were right away but having both of you in my life in this city is what i need. You saw me this last year. You saw the drinking i did and tearing my heart up everytime i would hear his name." I say

"You should of seen her in the chats" says Dallas

I kick him under the table and give him a stare down "you were still in those chats this last year?" Says Jessy

"Yeah trying to find anything out about Jake. Dallas here was the only one feeding me information per Jake so i knew he was at least alive and not captured"

She sits down as the food comes out "you never told me that." She says grabbing some of my orange chicken so i grab some of her food.

"Well yeah i didn't know what i was gonna get so i didn't want to worry you" i say taking my bite "okay maybe i should of gotten yours" i say with a laugh

"Haha but not im not a fan of yours." She says

We all just start conversational with each other sharing our food and having a fun time. I get up to use the restroom and as i come back i see them all getting along and it brings a smile to my face. Jake looks for me and see me standing there watching and when i sit back down he kisses me as he pulls me close

#duskwood #duskwoodlover #duskwood fanfiction #fanfic #writing #mc x jake

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colorsunimaginable · 2 years

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the spare // chapter twenty-five // death eater ! tom hiddleston x plus size ofc - voldemort wins au

story summary: While on a mission to avenge the death of her best friend, Ilvermorny graduate Melisa Alder finds herself in the middle of the fight to defeat Voldemort. Upon capture after the Dark Lord’s triumph, she’s being sold at an auction with other muggle borns and blood traitors. Her only hope is also her only bidder - the tall, dark, and handsome Thomus Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy’s younger half-brother. Is he just another Death Eater or is he hiding more than just his face beneath the mask? Will she realize her true potential to be one of the resistance’s greatest weapons?

*a Voldemort Wins AU with Tom Hiddleston cast as an OC x a plus size protagonist* *takes place in The Auction universe by Lovesbitca8*

words for this chapter: 5.2k warnings for this chapter: bullying, hints at sexual abuse, degradation of plus size POV character, drugging/lust potions

Notes: Hello everyone who's read so far! Thank you for keeping up with this every week. I'd much appreciate your thoughts! You can send an ask or even a message if you wanna talk about this. I'm writing this story because it's the exact kind of thing I'd want to read, so I'm always happy to gush and fangirl about it 😅 Much love 💕

CHAPTER MASTERLIST

Chapter Twenty-Five:

I spend the next 24 hours trying to convince myself that I was crazy.

Crazy enough to have imagined that whole conversation between myself and Thomus. He actually admitted to being possessive of me? Yeah, sure, the hints weren’t exactly subtle, but I just can’t figure out why. Still.

And I don’t think that I could ever admit this to him, but I’m definitely grateful for the new vinyl. Listening to the Dean Martin record makes me feel like I’m in the movie Return to Me. His voice is so sickly romantic that I can almost forget all the goddamn trauma I’ve been through the last couple of months – no, the last couple of years.

The dress I pick out is an emerald green double slit dress. The slits go up so high I have to find a matching pair of high waisted undies so if they did show, it’d look like part of the dress. The sleeves are roomy and sheer. The dress is borderline a size too big, but I’m okay with it. There’s just enough give in the places I need. Even though I’m wearing those platform sandals again, the hem of the dress still manages to find its way under my foot as I walk around my room, looking for the gold collar.

Thomus is waiting for me on the couch by the time I descend to the living room, lifting the skirt enough so I don’t trip. “Hey, do you remember what I did with that necklace?” I ask him.

He doesn’t look at me as he stands. His hand digs into his pocket before he pulls out the necklace. He sees the hand I hold out for it and pauses with his fingers on the clasp. His eyes jump to my face before dropping lower. They trail over my shoulders, the cleavage the deep neckline provides, and down further, staring.

“You alright there, Mr. Possessive?” I tease, raising an eyebrow.

His eyes snap back to my face and he scowls. “Don’t call me that. Turn around.”

I stifle a grin, turning and pulling my hair to the side. “Sure thing, Thomus.”

Damn, I sure was being brave after avoiding him for two weeks. The smile teasing my mouth dies when I feel his warm fingers and the cool metal touch my skin. He’s standing so close I’m sure that when I turn around, it’ll be too close. I try to keep my breathing even.

The moment his hands leave my skin, the choker tightens around my neck. It’s something I’m used to at this point. When I turn, I expect his eyes on me, but instead they’re focused on another golden chain he’s holding. Before I can realize what he’s doing, Thomus reaches up for the necklace and fiddles with the middle of it. I listen to the sound of metal attaching to metal and when he pulls his hand away, that additional chain is dangling down my chest. The other end of it is twisted around his fingers.

My widening eyes jump to his face. I gasp as he grasps where the chain and the collar meet at my neck. His grip is tight and when he pulls me towards him, I’m helpless to resist. My hands brace themselves against his forearms. He bends his head, bringing his face only a breath away from mine. His blue eyes are dark and his eyebrows are knitted together, bitter mouth curling.

“I want to make a few things clear,” he says, his voice low and threatening. My chest tightens, heaving against his. “If you ever pull another reckless stunt like that again, putting myself and my family in jeopardy, there will be consequences far more severe than taking an unpleasant walk down memory lane.” His eyes roam from mine to my mouth, taking his time on the way back. I feel when his chest expands with a deep breath. “Your shocking lack of propriety was an embarrassment and it will not be tolerated. From now on, I expect you to be obedient and submissive.” He tugs once on the decorative-turned-literal collar. “Do you understand me?”

Blood rushes to my face as I let his words soak in my mind. Had this been a few weeks ago, I’d have fought something like this tooth and nail. But… I did this. This is a natural consequence to my abuse of the “freedom” I’d sparingly been given. I only made things worse for myself. I close my eyes and turn my face down, swallowing around the dryness in my mouth as I nod.

He tugs on the collar again and states flatly, “I don't think I heard you. Do I need to repeat myself?”

“I understand.” I can’t bear to make my voice louder than a whisper.

“Good,” he says, stepping back, releasing the collar but still holding the leash. “Things should be… simpler tonight. We’re going to a dinner and then leaving.”

“Does that have something to do with what Draco wanted me for?” I ask, swallowing down my self-hatred for the moment and finally looking back up at him.

“Partly,” he says. He turns for the door and I follow as far as the leash will allow, which is only about four feet. I bunch as much of the dress’s skirt in my hands as we head for the gate. Somehow I still manage to tread on the fabric at least once.

“Why does Pansy have more of a choice than I do?” I ask. Thomus stops and turns so suddenly that I almost walk into him.

His eyes are narrow. “How long were you eavesdropping?”

“Long enough.” I wait for him to answer my first question but he doesn’t. He pushes my dress sleeve back to reveal the tattoo and soon enough we’re popping into the familiar Apparition point in Edinburgh.

“Who’s Pansy to Draco?” I ask as we begin to make our ascent.

He scans our surroundings, I’m assuming to making sure we’re alone before answering. “They dated while in school.”

“She’s his ex?” I ask, surprise turning my volume up. “Can you imagine being in the body of your ex-boyfriend’s new love interest? God, I’m cringing at the thought.”

Thomus gives a tight yank on my collar and I stumble forward. “Shut up,” he orders sharply. His pace picks up and I begin to stumble more. The dress really is just too long.

After repeatedly having to stop and pause for me to right myself, Thomus stops us. He leads me off the dimly lit path by the wrist. Before I know what’s happening, he’s waving his wand in front of me and my breath leaves me as I feel the fabric shrink over my skin. Instead of being comfortably loose it’s now too tight; the sleeves are no longer roomy and the skirt is shorter. The torso of the dress now clings to my curves and rolls. If the fit had been this snug initially, I would have immediately picked something else.

“Oh, no no no no no,” I say, panic clear in my voice. “Change it back!”

He ignores me and pulls me back onto the path by the chain. As we walk, I feel every dip of the fabric now showing off parts of me that I normally try so desperately to hide. Attention’s already going to be on me because of the last time I was here and now this stupid fucking collar. I don’t need to embarrass myself further by showing off things that really should be kept hidden.

I grab my him by the elbow, digging my heels into the dirt. “Please change it back.”

“And have you trip all the way up to the castle?” he sneers. “You look just fine.”

My fingers dig into his arm. “I’m too exposed now!” I whisper loudly, my face is hot with embarrassment and panic.

The lamp post on the path emits enough light to show his incredulous expression. “Since when have you been insecure about your body?”

“Since always!” I hiss, my eyes pleading with him. “I’m always comparing what I look like to everyone else. People are going to see me in this too-tight dress and laugh.”

“What is there to laugh about?” he asks, his eyes focused below my face. “You look –“

“Like a big fat erumpant in a dress!” I exclaim. “My tits are gonna fall out and I don’t even wanna think about how noticeable my fupa is righ –“

His attention snaps back to my face. “Your what?”

“My stomach!” I step back, waving my hand in reference to it.

He rolls his eyes and a contemptuous laugh slides out of his mouth. “I’m plenty aware of that part of you, I assure you.”

I can't stop the blush that blooms across my face and I bristle. I open my mouth to speak but a familiar voice comes up the path behind us.

"Everything alright, uncle?" Draco's bright blond head appears out of the darkness. My eyes widen when I see who appears behind him up the narrow path. Whether instinctively or not, Thomus's arm snakes around my waist, his hand resting on my pronounced hip as we turn to his nephew and the girl now on his arm.

Hermione is an absolute vision. Her curls are perfectly shaped, each coil glossy and shining as they cascade around her shoulders. The makeup looks like it had been painted onto her face by a professional. Smokey eyes and bright red lipstick to match the polish on her nails. The black slip she wears hugs every single curve.

"We're fine," Thomus says, "Just dealing with a little wardrobe malfunction."

I’m almost convinced it’s actually Hermione until I see her expression. A perfectly arched brow as her gaze drops to assess my appearance, a smug smile tugging at her mouth. It’s a look I’ve gotten all my life from girls who assessed my worth based solely on what I look like. It quickly told me that no matter how nice or sincere I was in my attempt to make friends, they’d never want to be my friend. And yeah, I know I’m judging them just as much as they’re judging me, but my judgement isn’t based on appearances, it’s on how they treat me. Girls who give me that look treat me like dogshit.

The Hermione I know isn’t like that at all, and so this must be Pansy. I had limited interactions with her in the holding cell. She mostly kept to her corner.

“Shall we continue on, then?” Draco says.

Thomus moves us out of their way. “After you.”

We follow them the rest of the way up the hill to the castle. To my chagrin, I don’t trip anymore.

“Thomus,” I whisper his name once, my tone pleading.

“Enough!” he hisses back over his shoulder, and I’m given no choice but to drop the subject.

In the castle, it practically doesn’t matter that Thomus is leading me by a golden leash. The end of the chain fisted in his hand is the arm I have my hands wrapped around, keeping him close to me. We follow Draco’s blond head through the crowd towards the back door I’d seen him disappear into before.

We almost make it until someone claps Thomus on the back, shoving themselves right into our path. “Thomus!”

To my utter horror, it’s Avery. I keep my face turned and hidden behind Thomus’s shoulder as he greets him.

“We haven’t seen you since that unfortunate incident with my Lot in The Lounge,” Avery says. You’d think he’s asking about last week’s Quidditch game, based on his casual tone. “I assume your busy schedule has kept you away.”

“It has,” Thomus says, his voice every bit the polite gentleman he was raised to be. I keep my eyes on the floor, avoiding eye contact with anyone who might look my way. “If you’ll excuse us, we’re –“

“I’d been meaning to ask why you left in such a hurry the other week,” Avery cuts in, his tone also polite. “I was hoping you’d take the opportunity to give us a demonstration on discipline.”

My heart lurches in my chest and I have to remind myself to breathe, even if they were shallow.

“Discipline?” comes Thomus’s voice. “I’m not quite sure what you mean.”

Avery’s chuckle sounds a bit bewildered. “You don’t mean to tell me you’ve forgotten the part your own Lot played during that incident?”

“Of course not,” Thomus responds sharply. “I simply prefer to administer discipline in private, you understand.”

“Of course, of course…” Avery trails. I jump when two fingers run themselves down my arm. Turning my face out from behind Thomus’s shoulder, my eyes land on Avery, and I find his dark gaze lingering on me. “I’m merely interested in your methods. As you may have noticed, public humiliation is a favorite of mine.”

“Yes, it was rather difficult to look away from such a display,” Thomus agrees. “But I prefer something a little more intimate.” His voice had dropped a little at the end of his words and I look up to find his eyes on me as well. He smirks and turns back to Avery. “As I’m sure you can imagine.”

“Admittedly, I have a terrible imagination,” Avery says, looking at me as he speaks. “I’d love to hear details. Or, perhaps even a private lesson?” His sinister tone indicates his desire has nothing to do with attraction, but to see women brutalized. He looks back to Thomus, holding both his hands up, a playful smile on his face. “No touching, I promise. I wouldn’t want to interfere with your procedure. I merely just want to watch.”

I feel Thomus’s chest expand before he lets out a single breathy laugh. “I’m afraid you might be out of luck. I prefer to dish out punishments when they’re deserved. Our… session was quite thorough. I doubt Alder will need teaching again. At least for a while.”

Avery lets out a long, disappointed sigh. “Ah, what a shame. She reminds me of a girl I knew in my youth, you know.” He conjures a cigar and lights it with his wand. “More than a little plump with a whole lot of spirit.” He takes a couple puffs, letting the smoke cloud in front of us. I resist the urge to cough. “A majority of my teen years was spent breaking her, in more ways than one. I – Jugson! What’re you doing with that?”

While Avery’s attention was drawn elsewhere, we make our escape and continue on our intended path towards the back of the room. There’s a winding staircase and I’m forced to let Thomus get a view of my butt while making our ascent.

“About time,” says a boy at the top of the stairs, in front of a doorway. He pulls out his wand when we reach him. Thomus holds out his left hand, which bore an emerald ring on his pinky. The boy taps the end of his wand to the stone and the tip turns green. Then he turns to me, tapping his wand on my collar, and it emits a golden glow. I guess we pass whatever security check that is, and he steps aside to let us through.

“I thought you got lost, uncle,” says Draco from his seat at the far end of a long dinner table. Boys about Draco’s age sit in the rest of the spots, with girls dressed similarly to Hermione/Pansy standing behind their chairs against the wall.

“Got held up,” Thomus says, taking the only empty seat on Draco’s left. “How’s everyone this evening?”

“Much better now that you’re here!” replies Marcus Flint from the opposite end of the table. He flashes a wide grin, his head cocks as he eyes the chain leading from my neck to Thomus’s hand. “And what have we here?”

Thomus makes a show of putting the loop at the end of the chain onto a knob on the back of his chair. “Just taking the dog for a walk,” he says, a smile tugs his lips. The boys around the table laugh, but it’s not a punch to the gut as much as the fact that Thomus is the one who just said that. He doesn’t meet my eyes as he sits down.

Flint snaps his fingers, drawing my attention to him. He looks from me to the table. A quick look around the room tells me the girls are holding wine decanters similar to the one in front of Thomus. I reach around it to grab it and notice everyone else’s goblets are full, but Thomus’s isn’t. I fill his up before stepping back, decanter in hand.

“At least she’s smarter than she looks,” Flint chuckles. “Even if she does have a problem with impulse control.”

The boys snicker and before Flint can say anymore, Draco takes his goblet and lifts it.

“To the Dark Lord’s power. May he reign forevermore.”

Everyone follows suit and repeats the toast. Conversation around the table picks up, turning boisterous and simple. I can only assume everyone here was at Hogwarts together. The only other faces I recognize are Goyle and… and Montague. He sits to Flints left, the opposite position from where Thomus sits, his demeanor quiet. This is the first time I’ve seen him since… that. His face rattles the box in my mind, but otherwise I’m not feeling a particular rush of emotion. Good to know boxing up my memories about it was worth it.

My eyes wander to the girls around the room. There are only a few faces I know from the holding cell. Clearwater, Bones, and Mortensen.

A boy stands to begin carving a large roasted turkey in the middle of the table. Each girl takes turns approaching him to take a plate to their… escorts. When it’s my turn, Thomus makes a show of placing the end of the leash in my own hand before allowing me to walk around the table. I hear some of the boys talk as I wait for the plate, their gazes turned up to me. I try to keep my face blank and my eyes unfocused.

“She kind of reminds me of what we had for dinner last week –“

“You know, I think you’re right –“

“But she’s missing something isn’t she?”

One of them pulls out their wand and twirls it in my direction. I gasp as an apple is conjured into my mouth, my teeth sinking into it. They erupt in cruel laughter. I take the plate full of turkey the boy offers with one hand and pull the apple out of my mouth with the other, quickly chewing on the forced bite. Anger blooming through my chest, I slowly turn to the snickering boy with his wand still in his hand, and spit into his face.

“You fucking cunt -” The boy shoots to his feet, his wand pointed at me, as he wipes bits of chewed apple and saliva off of his face. Conversation pauses, tension hanging in the air as he glares at me.

“Alder!” Thomus bellows and our angry expressions meet from across the table. He snaps his fingers and I immediately return to him, placing the plate in front of him, the red apple rolling around on it. Just as I go to straighten, Thomus’s hand shoots out to tightly grip my jaw and turn my face to his. I avoid his eyes. “What did I tell you?” he hisses, then closer to my ear. “Do I need to take Avery up on his offer?”

My chest tightens and I quickly shake my head. I pull out of his grasp and put the metal loop back onto the knob on his chair, standing behind him.

“My apologies Bole,” Thomus says. He pulls out his wand and the mess on Bole’s face disappears.

“She ought to give up some head for that, Malfoy,” Bole says, sitting back down into his seat, glowering. “For free.”

Before Thomus can say anything, Draco snickers. “Get over it, Bole. You definitely deserved that one.”

I let out a deep exhale through my nose in relief as Bole huffs and conversation returns. A dark skinned boy to Draco’s right engages Thomus in conversation about Quidditch during his time at Hogwarts. I pick up that his name is Blaise.

I try to keep tabs on conversation as the meal goes on. Most of what I can hear is about Quidditch or they’re gossiping about people I don’t know. Several of the boys were already deep into their decanters, their Lots, Carrow or otherwise, made sure to keep their glasses full.

Eventually the boys start pulling the girls into their laps as they finished their main dish. The girls laugh with the boys, tolerating and some even enjoying their attention. The boys are so drunk and tipsy that they don’t mind when the girls begin to take food off of their plates and sip from their goblets. Even Pansy has taken a seat on Draco’s lap not without comments on how much more comfortable they seem tonight, compared to last week.

I’m the only one still standing. Thomus has not turned around or given any indication that he wants me in his lap like the other Lots. I’m not sure how comfortable I’d be there anyway.

“Are you excited about our festivities this evening, Thomus?” Marcus Flint calls over. He has his head cocked, a stupid little smirk on his face. “I hear you’ve finally decided to see what it’s like.”

My chest tightens again and I keep my eyes on the back of his head, anxiously waiting for his answer. They have to be talking about Flint’s potion.

“Indeed,” Thomus responds, his fingers drift up and down on his wine goblet. “Though I will admit I’m still reluctant to believe what they claim.”

Someone snickers, choking in an effort to swallow. His lot pats him on the back. “How can you not believe? You haven’t seen it with your own eyes how they go absolutely wild?”

“I’m afraid I haven’t,” Thomus says, his voice cool. “And I don’t doubt it performs splendidly. Allow me to rephrase, I’m reluctant to believe it’s better than the real thing.”

“The real thing?” Flint snorts. “They’re not fabricated.”

Thomus tilts his head. “So you’re telling me that Clearwater would react the same to your advances without the potion?”

Penelope’s face turns scarlet and Flint’s expression flashes into a bitter sneer. “Do you prefer your conquest unwilling, Thomus? There are several among our flock that would agree with you.”

Montague shifts uncomfortably in his seat. No surprise there.

Thomus sighs heavily. “No, it’s not that at all. I simply believe it superfluous for my Lot. A good snog gets her all riled up.”

Flint plasters a tight smile to his face. “We shall see what you think after tonight.”

Thomus lifts his goblet in his direction, nodding before taking a sip. Their conversation ends, while Draco, Thomus and Blaise begin a conversation on which potions professor was better: Slughorn or Snape. As they debate, my ears pick up on conversation from the boys to Thomus’s left.

“I bet you she’s so willing because no one ever bothered to snog her before.”

“I got some mates who only go after homely girls like her. They’re an easy shag. Practically let you do anything to ‘em.”

“Milly Bulstrode’s the same way. Remember that party during sixth year?”

“Yeah.”

“She got shared by Ravenclaw’s beaters in the library by the end of the night. Had both of them at the same time - one for both ends, you see.”

“That’s foul. Why would you put something like that in my head?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see one of them nod to me and then they’re both looking at me over their shoulders. I grit my teeth to keep my face expressionless, pretending like I hadn’t just been listening to their conversation. “How you reckon he shags her without a potion himself?”

“Maybe he can’t find it under all that and just stuffs his cock wherever it’ll fit.”

“He’s not even let her on his lap. I bet she –“

“Warrington,” Montague says from across the table and the boys talking about me turn into a different conversation.

Without their eyes on me, I briefly close my own, fighting back the tears threatening to fall. My lips press tight together to keep from trembling. I fucking hate it here.

I’m so wrapped up in my self-deprecating thoughts that I don’t notice when Thomus takes the end of the lash off the chair. He pushes back his chair, angling it do he can still see the length of the table. He pulls on the leash, his left arm reaching for my hip, and I take the nonverbal cue to go to him. After putting the decanter on the table, I brace my right arm on the back of the chair and gingerly lower myself into his lap, making sure not to put too much of my weight onto his thighs. I face the table, one leg and thigh fully on him, the other partial, bracing the rest of my weight on my own foot. Feeling steady, I release the chair and drape my arm across the back of his shoulders.

Being this close to him is giving me monkey brain. His scent is wafting up my nose, more powerful than the smell of their meal in the room. I’m hyperaware that my thighs are completely exposed up to my hip. I try to distract myself by counting the dark curls pushed back away from his face. My fingers itch to touch them.

“It boils down to preference in teaching styles –“

“You only liked Snape because he played favoritism –“

“No, he did not –“

“Is that all your weight?” Thomus asks, his eyes suddenly meeting mine as he glances at my way. I have a hard time deciphering his tone, unable to tell if he’s mocking me or being genuine. I lie and nod my head. He finishes the rest of his drink and runs his hand down my thigh that still has my foot braced on the floor. He must be able to feel the tension there because he sighs heavily.

“Liar,” he says before directly placing his hand on the side of my left leg, directly where my thigh and knee meet. He pulls, sliding me further up his legs, flush against his torso. I lose the load baring stance I had, my weight now fully on his lap. His arm is tightly wrapped around my waist and he casually pours himself more wine, as if this didn’t bother him at all.

I look down, needing to remind myself to breathe, and I take in how tight the dress is stretched over my stomach, everything far more pronounced now that I’m sitting. Even my cleavage looks ready to burst. Thomus had let the leash fall limply into my lap and the chain is nestled right in the crevice.

I clench the end of the chain tightly in my fist and my eyes drift to Draco and the girl in his lap. Hermione is so beautiful – Pansy’s confidence in her body only makes her more so. I wonder if Bellatrix was beautiful like that once. If that’s what lured Thomus in. At the thought my chest rises with a shuddering breath and I just want to die. I turn my face towards the window, trying to blink away tears and hopelessness.

“Have you eaten anything today?” he asks softly, his mouth still too close to my ear. I avoid his eyes, still blinking rapidly, as I shake my head.

He reaches out to his plate, retrieving a single green grape. I don’t realize what he’s doing until the grape grazes my lip and I jerk my head away slightly. I give him a tight-lipped polite smile and take the fruit from his fingers, then pop it into my own. My eyes flicker up to the table, spotting the exact moment a Carrow girl brings a grape to her lips. Her eyes linger on me briefly before she turns her attention back to the boy who’s lap she’s in.

Not alone.

When I don’t immediately grab another grape, Thomus brings one to my lips again. I give him another polite smile and push his hand down before taking the grape. He doesn’t need to encourage me to eat anymore as I slowly finish the grapes off of his plate.

“Alright, gentlemen,” Flint announces. Penelope slides off his lap and goes to a small table in the corner of the room. “I think we’ve been patient enough, don’t you think?”

A round of a agreements come from the boys and Penelope starts passing out shot glasses with a green potion in it. My heart pounds in my ears as my face gets hot. I focus on taking deep, even breaths to stave off the panic from my face. Penelope places on in front of us and unlike the rest of the Lots, I don’t immediately touch it grab it.

I look to Draco and Pansy, the whole reason she’s even here, is because of this. She knew what she was getting herself into. They’d prepared with an antidote. The boys’ eager, hungry eyes are on the fake Hermione as she takes the glass in her hands. It’s not going to be difficult, because Draco and Pansy dated, so I’m assuming being intimate with each other isn’t something they’re unfamiliar with.

But what is Thomus planning? Is he really going to make me take it? Draco had said I’d take the antidote beforehand, and that’s definitely not something I’d done before coming tonight. Am I going to lose my virginity in front of all these people?

Maybe the potion will strip away my inhibitions and anxiety about the whole thing. Maybe taking the potion for my first time will be a good thing. Maybe it’ll give me the confidence I’ve sorely been lacking tonight.

I watch - partly shocked, partly resigned - as Thomus plucks a hair off of his head and drops it into the potion. I can’t read his face, his mask is on. The rest of the boys do the same. I reach out for the glass, watching the liquid tremble as I bring it close to my mouth.

“Ready ladies?” Flint asks. The girls raise their glasses and silently toast each other before shooting down the potion. It still rests in my hand.

Thomus brings his lips to my ear. “Don’t worry,” he whispers, his breath hot. His hand not on my waist strokes my thigh. “Everything’s going to be alright.” Whether for show or genuine encouragement, I don’t know, he kisses my jaw.

He pulls back and when our eyes meet I take a another deep breath and bring the lust potion to my lips.

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