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#he does not know how to express love except through bullying
tache-noire · 8 months
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i need somebody to join me in my lance archer/fuego del sol rarepair hole
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bucca2 · 8 months
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angel of small death (könig x reader)
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the new recruit gets on könig's nerves.
3rd person, König's pov, she/her pronouns for reader, rivals to lovers, romance, slow burn, König does not trust pretty women who act interested in him, reader is determined to jump this man's bones
1k words
tw: none really, just swearing and König gets a boner at the end
besties I don't even know what this is. I was listening to angel of small death and the codeine scene by hozier and went "yeah we all love when König is creepy and stalkery and insistent towards the object of his obsession affections, but what if his love interest was the one pursuing him". enjoy this lil tidbit before shrike ch3! I'll probably write more about these two, it's a fun dynamic.
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König knows how to read people.
It was a survival instinct. Reading into every micro-expression, every intonation in a voice, every shift of the shoulders. As a child, it served him well predicting what torment his bullies planned to inflict on him. As a soldier, he knew how to read his coworkers and establish that he was not to be fucked with. He had a reputation, and he was proud of it. Perhaps it was a little isolating, being the giant boogeyman of the base, but loneliness was not new to him. He knew how to deal with loneliness.
He doesn’t know how to deal with her.
The new recruit flutters onto base entirely unlike a soldier of her caliber. Flutters is really the only way to describe her, regardless of the way she moves physically. She’s the definition of a social butterfly—whether her candor is genuine, or a mask to hide a deep well of insecurity and anxiety is anybody’s guess. But there’s a grace to the way she manages to endear herself to nearly everyone, regardless of the friend groups and casual cliques the soldiers have formed.
Except König.
Oh, bite him. What was he supposed to think when she full body slammed into him coming around the corner, and then looked up at him with that mischievous glimmer in her eye?
“Whoa, you are one huge motherfucker!” she says, the profanity slipping out of her without hesitation. If she were any other woman, perhaps some nice little civilian lady, her wide smile and twinkling eyes would have turned him to mush. But instead, it puts him on his guard. The boys who bullied him as a child hurt him with their fists. The girls cloaked their insults with honey, with cloying little chirps about his size before crushing what little self-confidence his height afforded him. Just some awkward lanky giant who takes up too much space.
He glares down at her, eyes boring into her from behind the hood. “Watch where you’re going, recruit.” He stalks off down the hallway, but not before he hears her tut and exclaim “what crawled up his ass?” to the coworker she was walking with.
He doesn’t want to know anything about her. He’s not interested, he tells himself, in learning about who she is. But he learns anyway, from hearing snippets of conversation around the base.
She’s on the young side for their line of work, but she’s good. She’s a dead-on shot with a gun, and a whiz with throwing knives. Her specialty, of course, is sniping. König bends the metal fork he’s eating with in his fist when he hears this particular tidbit. Of course, she has the job he wanted when he first joined special forces. Of course she would be outstanding in the one thing he wasn’t allowed to do.
He tries to avoid her—it irritates him, how goddamn pleasant she is. Friendly, outgoing, warm. All adjectives that nobody would apply to him. He was hoping his cold initial reception would keep her away, but she seems almost determined to pop up wherever he finds himself. If he’s eating with the others, she’s nearby, perched on a table and making everyone near her laugh. If he’s at target practice, she’s there, shooting bullets through the same hole punched in the target almost every time. (He has to admit, that does impress him. He knows enough to recognize a master at work.) If he’s getting coffee to stave off his sleepiness, she’s at the coffee maker, engaged in conversation that annoys him with its peppiness.
He somehow makes it a whole week without having something resembling a proper conversation with her, and he was liking it just fine that way. Alas, there’s a mission briefing, and now she’s walking up to him beaming, hand outstretched.
“Hey, big guy! We haven’t been properly introduced yet, have we?” König looks down at her hand, then back to her face.
“König.” He watches with a nasty bit of smugness as her smile falters for a moment and she drops her hand.
“König, huh? German for king.” It happens so fast, he can barely register what’s happening. She steps closer to him, her voice lowering a whole octave. “Impressive callsign for an impressive man.”
The room suddenly shrinks, and the low chatter of the others filing into the room and exchanging pleasantries fades away. She’s close, so close to him that if he weren’t wearing a mask, he’s sure she would feel his breath. She runs a single fingernail across his torso, right over his pecs, and an involuntary shudder runs through him.
“The name’s Monarch.” He watches, frozen like a marble statue, as she looks up at him through her lashes. It’s undeniably sensual, but there’s the faintest touch of venom in her teasing tone. Her eyes are still as bright as always, but there’s a sharpness to them. He’s only seen this look on her in one situation: the split second between her letting out her breath and her pulling the trigger on a sniper rifle at the range. It’s calm. Collected. The deadly gaze of a confident predator before she blows a target’s head off. He wonders if she’s imagining his head exploding right now.
For the first time in a long time, he feels vulnerable, laid bare in this perplexing and irritating woman’s gaze. Monarch. He’d snort if he wasn’t trapped like a mosquito in amber. Of course she’d have a callsign like that. He’d thought her a butterfly this whole time: fluttery and pretty, but ultimately harmless to him personally.
Now, he feels like he’s staring down a checkmate.
“I look forward to working with you,” she purrs.
In an instant, the moment is gone. Whatever bubble she had encapsulated him in pops, and the mess of overlapping conversations and shuffling feet surges into his senses, like someone pressing the fast forward button. He blinks, and she’s already moved away, bouncy and energetic as she greets another coworker. He’s never been so confused in his entire life.
He sits down before anyone can notice his throbbing hard erection.
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if you want a visual on what I was imagining when Monarch touches his pecs, it's exactly what Black Cat does in this video (time stamped)
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yes, I did at some point have the thought "this would make a really good plot with Ghost" but I think Ghost's thing is that he's stoic and keeps people at a distance because he doesn't want to get close to someone and put them at risk. with König he doesn't trust people who are sweet and kind to people all the time because he has trusted people who were kind to him before, and they took advantage of him. alas, this König did not have a Thorn in his life. but Monarch is a thorn in his side!
also. monarch. butterfly. monarch as in king. my brain is so huge (I have impressed myself by coming up with the most surface level metaphors)
I'm not overly pleased with how short this is, but I was trying to capture the attitude of these two characters, so it's kind of like establishing a certain mood. I have PLANS for Monarch though. she's a freaky little lady.
as usual, please send me your feedback, brainrot, literally anything you have to say about these two I want to hear!! I mean this so sincerely. they live in my head rent-free. (also if you want to be tagged drop a reply)
one last thing before I go: I love troubled birds so much. you can't convince me that the one in the moodboard (moodboards are so hard to make, wtf? I have renewed respect for authors who make moodboards as their fic images) and this one are so Königcore
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daydreaming-paradies · 3 months
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The Sun to My Darkness
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Summary: Missing an Childhood friend is hard but it takes a lot of time for that special someone to come back. For this one boy: His sun has come back to him
Ship: Xiao x GN!reader
Word Count: 1,134k words
Warning: hurt/comfort, Xiao being a little emo, insecure reader, mentions of a divorce, reader and Xiao missing each other deeply, sweet reunion
Recommend listen to: Shameless by Camila Cabello + Heart a La Mode by Hastune Miku
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If anyone asks Xiao who is his one true love, he might say his sunshine with a deadpan expression. 
Xiao was the type of boy who seems distant and cold towards others except few close ones but in this case: He still has not let go of his heart because of a certain person. You..you held his heart and unexpectedly took a piece of him with you.
You and Xiao are total opposites. You were a happy and friendly child while Xiao is a distant and cold boy who refused to let anyone near him but you. He is mad at anyone else but you. Like that is picking favorites. Xiao always remembers how you always barge through his room and ask him to go outside with you and play. Or how you got in trouble because you got into a fight with some students because they are bullying Xiao. And do not get him started on how every time you see Xiao, you proudly say “My Darkness’ like it is a normal everyday thing to you.Those memories replays in Xiao’s head rent free and he hates it and loves it. It has been..years since he last saw you..since he last saw that goofy smile on your face. It was in the middle of summer in 3rd grade elementary school. You were not your normal self..you were mostly down and had that gloomy aura. Xiao always knew you well..even when you tried to lie to him. With a lot of prodding and poking, you broke down and confessed to Xiao.
You are moving away..to another state due to your family problems. Xiao did not understand it at the time but he now knows that your parents had a nasty divorce which resulted in your father having full custody of you. Xiao never liked your mother and it is unfortunately sad how she ruined a perfect family but then again, Xiao does not care about her..he cared about you and you alone. How lonely Xiao feels without you..How his world is nothing but darkness…
Meanwhile, you are no different from Xiao except the fact you have gotten more collected and still sociable. You still have new friends but none of them is like Xiao. None of them treated you the way Xiao treated you. You always spend your nights thinking how Xiao hugs you when you have to run away from when your parents started arguing. How Xiao defended you when your mother mocked you. Everything about Xiao still haunts you..you want to see Xiao again but when? Maybe fate decided to make this into a reality.
When the new day of high school arrived, Xiao felt his world grew darker and more lifeless as usual. He shows that same stoic expression on his face as he walks to class, just letting his friends talk like any normal day but he caught something in the corner of his eye. He could have sworn that he saw a familiar (h/c) person standing near the lockers with that expression on their face. “Hm?” The teal haired male was confused but he thought nothing of it. ‘Is it not them right?’ He thought to himself as he entered his class and went to his seat. ‘It can’t be them..they moved away years ago. They could not have moved back here..right?’ Xiao just looked out of the window as his peers filled the classroom which Xiao paid no mind to as they were just peers. After the teacher walked in and started the class like normal, Xiao paid little or no attention to the boring speech until he heard this from the teacher: “Class. We have a new student. Please come in.” 
The class door opens and a person walks in, eyes watching the figure who walks to the front of the class. The person was quiet for a moment before speaking. “Hello everyone.” Xiao froze and slowly turned his head to face the source of the voice. “My name is [name] [last name]. It is a pleasure to meet you all. Please accept me with open arms.” Xiao’s gold eyes made eye contact with familiar [e/c] eyes which widened in shock but it softened and curled to express their happiness. Xiao could not believe his eyes..it is you. His sunshine..his sun. You are back! You are back!! To everyone’s eyes,Xiao looks like he doesn't care but deep inside,his heart is racing like it is in a marathon. He watches you sit down next to him and smiles which makes him want to hug you right here and now but he can’t because he knows how you do not like it how you two hug when eyes are literally watching you two like hawks. So he waits until lunch time so he can drag you to a private place.You just watch how Xiao just walks up to your table, gently drags you away by your wrist as he ignores everyone’s questioning stares and whispers along the way.
After you two are now alone in the empty classroom, an awkward silence falls between you two which makes you uncomfortable. Understandably so since it has been years. Years since you two last saw each other. “H-Hey Xiao.” You started but you were interrupted by Xiao pinning you against the wall, startling you. “X-Xiao?! W-What is wrong?” You ask Xiao as said male did not reply but he just stared at you with his golden eyes that are so sharp that you felt like his eyes are staring deep into your own soul. "My sun..you have come back to me." Xiao cups your face with his hands, trying to fight back tears. "You have come back to me. The world was so dull without you. I cannot handle living without you..please..promise me that you would not leave me again..” Your eyes widened in shock before tearing up, confessing your feelings. “Xiao..you are always on my mind. Not a single day has you not left my mind. My heart belongs to you..and your heart belongs to me,Xiao. I am not letting you go,”
Xiao’s eyes widened in disbelief before they softened like a feather. His thumb rubs over your bottom lip, slowly leaning in that your both nose is almost touching. He stares at your lips and whispers hoarsely to you. “Kiss me..” He licked his lips “please..my sunshine..” You obey his order and kiss him on the lips, letting Xiao deepen the kiss.
You are the sun to Xiao’s darkness. Now you two are finally reunited once again and you two are not letting each other go again..not even fate can not separated you both.
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~Taglist: @areislol @snobwaffles @ryuryuryuyurboat @dailypenpen @windblume-wishes @husky-studies @kalims @rrxaiky @ainescribe @asoulsreverie @mccnstruck @loreilane @sweetlyvibe @rxugesworld @starglitterz @yuan4i @kxttqi
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incarnadinedreams · 1 year
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What do you like about jc?
Oh my goodness what don't I love about him!
Well, first and most importantly, he has a purple lightning whip.
Secondly, you know how the elements of a tasty dish are salt, fat, acid, heat? Well he's salty, he's acidic, he's a spicy Yunmeng boy, and some sources of mixed repute claim he's got a nice fat ass. All the elements for a delicious snack are right there!!! He has the range, the depth, the complexity!
Jokes aside, a lot of it really is just based on vibes. I just... liked him pretty much immediately. My heart was won at "I'm his uncle. Any last words?" and it only got better from there. He's got most of my favorite lines in the book - whether funny or completely heart-wrenching, both directly in his dialog or about him. His sarcastic comments are always hilarious, and he's often enough actually a voice of reason and responsibility (promptly ignored). The vast majority of the time when he's not in some absurdly extreme and traumatic situation he's being pretty normal and seems perfectly likeable to me.
I enjoy that from the start he's mostly pretty practical. One of the first times we see him, he desperately wants to smack Lan Wangji but he's run the cost-benefit analysis in his mind and it's not worth it, so (grumpily) he does not. Some people point out his 'definitely don't start a petty fight unless you know you can win' reasoning as some sort of point of cowardice, but my reaction to that scene was thank god, finally someone in a fantasy novel has some common fucking sense!
Except, of course, on one very specific topic: Wei Wuxian. And then there's like a 50/50 chance all that consideration goes out the window instantly. A little pinch of unhinged obsession adds so much extra flavor! With the amount of overtime he's pulling in sect conferences he deserves a little derangement from time to time, as a treat. And that intensity goes both ways.
That fervent certainty that Wei Wuxian would be back some day, that not even death could hold him - a conviction bordering on madness, except in the end he was right? Hot.
On the other end, he's willing to sacrifice himself for Wei Wuxian and other people who loves over and over and over again throughout the story (even if he's mad about it), until he can't do that without throwing other people he's responsible for under the bus.
To the point that when we get to the big reveal after Guanyin Temple about how he was captured by the Wens... once the shock fades, you step back and think 'wait, why was that even a surprise to me at all?' The guy just took a sword through the chest for Wei Wuxian like an hour earlier (even if it was unnecessary and therefore mostly embarrassing), and was about to run back into that cave at the Second Siege with no spiritual power and a sword he couldn't even lift three days before that, and yet we're surprised he gave himself up back then?
And of course, the same goes for his nephew and I just love them so much. He doesn't hesitate for a moment to offer himself as a hostage instead of Jin Ling at the temple. He may sometimes struggle to express his love in a way that's more palatable than the prickly sharp thing it can sometimes be, but it's undeniably there. When Jin Ling is crying after the Second Siege, it's Jiang Cheng he goes to without hesitation - and that "Who did this to you?!" line, the way he doesn't hesitate to pull him away somewhere private and stick by his side.
Even things that are meant to cast him in a bad light, like his 400 spirit nets fiasco, show him also anxiously helicopter-uncling his way through baby's first "solo" night hunt, complete with undercover agents just in case, is proof that he at least cares very deeply. I think if you look beyond the surface, it's also pretty obvious why he'd spare no expense and use any method to give his bullied nephew the best debut night hunt possible in a society where talent and prestige are incredibly important to his future ability to consolidate power as the Jin heir. He wants to shield him from the same insecurities and pain he felt, especially where being overshadowed was used against him in ways that had specific negative impacts on his ability to protect people he cared about.
Another of the reasons I love him so much is because his grief is so intense that it's palpable. Those scenes post-fall of Lotus Pier where he's oscillating between numbed shock and fury, just... feel so real, and relatable, and resonate in way that's just horribly accurate. It's like his grief jumps off the page, you can feel the hurricane of horror and loss crashing into him. The scene at Nightless City, that moment where he says "Didn't you say that you could control it, that it would be fine?", where the last of his faith in Wei Wuxian shatters and the fracture is complete, like two halves of a whole have finally snapped apart and there's nothing left... I just love the intensity and desperation.
But even more, he keeps going after. He's stubbornly alive, despite it all, and I don't think he gets nearly enough credit for the fact that he's actually able to handle things pretty well, considering the situations involved. He has a breakdown about it and then he picks himself up and gets back to work. He's remarkably resilient, in ways that aren't necessarily flashy or obvious at first. Too much is made out of the ways he's broken or bitter when for the most part he's actually remarkably functional in the face of horrible traumas!
I have been trying very hard not to just spam my favorite quotes in here but this is really my favoritest favorite (from chapter 61) because it just sums him up so beautifully:
... the most laughable one was the YunmengJiang Sect, the people of which either had been killed or had scattered, leaving only Jiang Cheng, who was younger than even Lan XiChen and was still a child born yesterday, who had nobody in his hands but still dared call himself sect leader, holding up the banner of rebellion as he recruited new disciples.
Because he does the hard work, day in and day out. The boring, tedious, constant work - the endless late nights dealing with the constant problems. But he does it, and he mostly accomplishes what he sets out to do.
It's so sad that all the things he does very well get overshadowed by his insecurities, because in the end, hasn't he done incredible things? Hasn't he survived? Hasn't he gone from the youngest sect leader with nothing and nobody that Wen Ruohan could only laugh at, to "No matter which clan you choose to offend, you shouldn't offend the Jiang clan, and no matter which person you choose to offend, you shouldn't offend Jiang Cheng"?
He might be a little scarred, but isn't he succeeding all the same?
(He should probably hire a PR firm to handle the rumors his resting bitch face causes though.)
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meenawrites · 1 year
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Spider Modern AU cause I can't help myself
I've seen so many people doing this and I love so much so I shall be participating as well. I'll also be doing other characters but this post is dedicated to Spider rn. I should really be working on my finals rn but here I am.
Spider is 100% a theater kid. Like no question about it. This kid can sing, he can dance, he can do gymnastics. He's the theatre troupe's pride and joy honestly, he's always pulling big stunts that wow the audience. This also ties into his love of storytelling in general so of course he's a theatre kid. Which ALSO means a lot of his playlist is musical songs cause.. ya know, obviously. I'd imagine Kiri actually secretly gave him access to her Spotify so he'd got access to premium (secret meaning everybody but Neytiri knows tbh). 
I think Spider actually does pretty well academically. He's a fast learner and his brain absorbs things like a sponge so once he understands a concept, it's all A's for him. It kind of pisses Kiri off how smart he is without trying sometimes, but she's also super proud of him for proving his haters (and her mom) wrong. 
This kid is the Anti-Bully of the school. He sees anyone bullying anyone and he's already aiming a punch at their face. Because of that, he's kind of seen as the protector of underclassmen and targets in general so he's pretty well liked generally, except for by the traditionally popular kids. Also not super popular with parents cause all that really sticks in their heads is violent Tarzan kid. He kind of stops with the physical violence once Kiri expresses her worry for him and how she doesn't want him to just blindly resort to violence all the time. But then he starts making comments to bullies that piss them off equally so there's no real winning for him here lol.
I think Spider likes working with his hands a lot so on top of acting in theatre, he also comes up with and constructs a lot of things for set and they always look incredible. 
Also, inspired by @be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie 's latest post, he joins the cheer team in solidarity with Lo'ak because he wants to get close to Tsireya. Refer to her post for more detail on that, I reblogged it if that helps. 
Despite being a year older than both Neteyam and Kiri, Spider and Neteyam actually share a lot of classes because Neteyam is a star student and skipped a grade. Kiri could probably also skip a grade if she wanted to, but her head's a little too in the clouds during classtime for any of her teachers to recommend it, even if she does get good grades. 
Spider still has his hair long, though I'm not sure if he would let it just endlessly keep growing or he would trim it here and there to his shoulders just to manage the curls a bit. I imagine his hair grows pretty fast so maybe once a year he chops it back to his shoulders and in like three months it's already almost to his elbows. He's gotten pretty good at braiding though, so when he can't be bothered to put effort into maintaining his curls, he just brushes his hair violently and braids it all in like dutch braids or other complicated hairstyles. The girls' soccer team probably starts recruiting him to braid their hair before games (based on my own experience lmao).
On a more serious note with his home situation... I think as a kid he was probably passed through multiple foster homes and all of them kind of said that he's too much for them. Then he ends up with the McCoskers and while they're not ideal they never say anything like that or try to get rid of him (yes they neglect him but seeing how he was treated before and they're not kicking him out, he's okay with them just giving him a place to stay). At least I'd imagine until maybe something big happens like he overworks himself or something and who notices other than the new family in town? The Tonowari family. And then they swoop in and are like 'mine now' and Spider's just like what? Unconditional love? A home where they notice I'm gone? Where I don't have to find my own food? What is this?
BUT IF TRUDY LIVED: so I imagine as a kid he'd still maybe be passed through the foster system a little, but Trudy is invested in his well-being, she's just still convinced there's some couple out there who'd be better for Spider overall until she sees all of them rejecting this perfect kid and she's like screw it and screw my own problems, I'll work through them for this kid but I'm taking him. And he's a happy boy thank you very much, loves his mama to death. 
I'll probably have stuff to add eventually but take this for now. 
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cqthqrtic · 2 years
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Fyodor Dostoyevsky NSFW Headcannons.
a/n: minors and ageless blogs, DNI. this is just my personal interpretation of how i think the bedroom life with Fyodor is. requested anonymously.
warnings: impact play (spanking), degradation, boot worship, biting kink, oral, sadism, mild bdsm, edging, control kink, body worship.
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🪐 Sex isn’t a regular occurrence with this man. He’s got things to do, people to kill, valuable items to steal.
🪐 So when sex does happen, it’s dragged out and keeps you satisfied until next time, whenever that may be.
🪐 Fyodor likes to take his time with foreplay, playing with your body and mind until your head is spinning from the stimulation.
🪐 Big big big fan of blowjobs. Prefers to receive oral than give it. Suck him off after a long day of scheming and he’s in heaven.
🪐 Fyodor does eat pussy, don’t get me wrong but it’s only if he’s really into you. He’s very precise and clean when giving oral, taking his time to trace the tip of his tongue around your folds and clit before diving in.
🪐 He likes to bite in bed, specifically your fingers, collarbones, and shoulders. He (mostly) won’t bite hard enough to bleed but he likes to make you gasp and whine. He also likes the subtle bruising it leaves hehe.
🪐 His favorite positions are cowgirl and missionary. He’s a simple man, he doesn’t like to make sex too complicated.
🪐 Because he’s pretty simple in bed, he doesn’t own that many toys or have that many complicated kinks that take a lot of time to prepare.
🪐 Although there is one exception: his riding crop.
🪐 He likes to swat the backs of your thighs and knees, the soles of your feet, your knuckles, and your ass cheeks.
🪐 He loves the marks it leaves on your knuckles especially, always kisses them the next day.
🪐 Don’t worry, he’ll definitely rub some ointment on your body afterwards <3 He’s callous but he takes care of you.
🪐 Fyodor definitely has a sadistic streak and while it mostly manifests in wanting to torment you psychologically by teasing you and bullying you in bed, he also enjoys watching you tear up a bit from being spanked or pulling your hair.
🪐 He also likes using his fingers to gag you and make you choke. So so so mean when he has his fingers in your mouth >://.
🪐 He has a thing for having control over you in bed. While he’s not really into things that are too complicated like shibari (takes too much work and time to do), he likes having mental control over you. He likes knowing that you’d roll over for him like a dog at the drop of a hat.
🪐 Fyodor loves edging you, he’d do it for hours if he had the time and energy.
🪐 He thinks it’s just so cute how you whine and beg for him to make you cum, to fuck you properly until your thighs tremble.
🪐 As mentioned before, he has a thing for bullying you. He likes to get really mean.
🪐 Fyodor won’t call you a slut or a bad girl, but he will glare down at you with a bored expression and call you a useless brain dead mutt. Miiight use mild insecurities against you.
🪐 Not ones concerning your appearance, mostly things with intelligence or personality or competence.
🪐 He’s even condescending when praising you! He’ll mockingly tell you how good you’re doing while he fucks you with your knees pressed to your chest.
🪐 Fyodor has a thing for being worshipped. He likes to be babied almost.
🪐 Take your time kissing his chest, carding your fingers through his hair, kissing his wrist while staring into his eyes. It’ll make his cock twitch.
🪐 Another kink he has is boot worship; he thinks it’s hot when you hump his boot and he likes making you kiss them or lick them clean. He’ll occasionally step on you as well. It’s not necessarily the boot part itself that’s hot to him but the fact that you’d be willing to do something so pathetic to please him.
🪐 He uses a special pair of boots that he regularly cleans and disinfects so that you don’t get sick.
🪐 Fyodor is okay with aftercare. He doesn’t have much energy so it’s not like he’ll whip out an entire meal and spoon feed you in bed but he’ll take a shower with you and help clean you up. He expects you to care for him too.
🪐 He doesn’t get much sleep so he probably won’t fall asleep right away.
🪐 He likes his personal space so he won’t cuddle you for super long.
🪐 Fyodor really likes when you make him a drink or a snack during aftercare. He won’t show it, but he appreciates it a lot. I see him as the type of person who’s favorite love language is acts of service.
🪐 If you’re like him and can’t sleep, he may indulge you and read to you while the both of you are snuggled up under the covers.
🪐 Overall sex with Fyodor is intense and satisfying without too much complications to it. He's there for a good time and to bond with you. So indulge him as much as you want when you get the chance <3
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delirious-donna · 2 years
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NSFW Alphabet [Kakashi Hatake]
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Masterlist
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K - Kink
Kakashi certainly has a few notable kinks, but the one that gets the least amount of attention is how much he loves thigh riding, especially if you are still fully clothed.
The man cannot get enough of your needy little pussy grinding back and forth along his muscled thigh, your cute little mewls growing in intensity as you rock yourself on him.
Don't get me wrong, he is more than thrilled to have your bare cunt making a mess of his pants, the wet patch growing as you fuck against his thigh in complete desperation, but with clothes, it is so much more satisfying.
To know that he can make you cum even through the layers of your clothes, it definitely adds to the slight God complex that he suffers from occasionally.
"Does it feel good princess?"
He smiles at you, his expression is lust incarnate.
One hand on your hip to help you along as the other grips your face between his thumb and fingers. Pearly white teeth graze along your jaw bone, his thumb pressing further into your cheek as you whine for him.
"That's it, fuck my thigh."
Knowing he can make you see stars without removing even a single layer of clothing - empowering.
P - Pace
Oh, don't you worry, Kakashi can fuck you at any pace under the sun. It all depends on the moment, his emotions and how much he can hold himself in check.
You are the infamous copy ninja's personal kryptonite.
There are times when he wants to love you so sweetly, fingers interlinked on either side of your head, long lustful minutes of maintained eye contact and kisses that taste so heavenly you might have thought you actually died from the pleasure.
This is when your silver-haired lover will stroke his cock into your fluttering walls at a languid pace. He has nowhere else to be, except to be cradled by your body. Each roll of his hips is precise and meant to graze every sensitive area within your cunt.
It is more than your bodies that connect, your souls unite to dance in a rhythm of their own. Two puzzle pieces who found their connecting partners. No one will ever fit better.
Other times he cannot leash his insatiable hunger for you.
Slamming you up against the wall the second you walk inside. His hands are everywhere, all at once. You barely have the breath to brokenly mutter a 'hello' before he is hiking your skirt up.
His version of hello is a growl in your ear, teeth nipping your lobe and the loud sound of his zipper lowering. You're wet and wanting in seconds, just as he hoped before he is bullying his way into your cunt. Grunting at how your walls suck him further inside, clenching around his shaft, already trying to milk him.
The pace is lightning quick and absolutely brutal, what a way to welcome you home.
S - Stamina
Are you seriously worried that Kakashi 'horny as hell' Hatake is gonna tap out after one round? Please...
The man could still beat Gai in a foot race even after several rounds of sweet loving.
One and done?
"Princess, we've barely begun. Now get your sexy ass back here!"
V - Volume
Kakashi is a talker, he can't help himself.
Your bashful blush as he narrates every little thing he is doing, or that he plans to do, it's addicting and it's a bit of a game for him now.
It used to be reserved solely for the bedroom but now he finds it amusing to whisper lewd suggestions in your ear as you go about mundane tasks such as grocery shopping.
"Hmm, I know what I'm gonna eat when we get home. I've been dying for a taste of your delicious cream all day long."
The man is a menace.
As for noises, he is usually too focused on speaking to lose himself in animalistic sounds. There are notable exceptions; Kakashi will always groan deep in his throat when he bottoms out for the first time and if you ride him, your hands braced on his chest as you drop down slowly - he full-on whimpers - broken voice, wobbly lip, the whole deal.
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theheirofthesharingan · 9 months
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Hii!! What are your thoughts on those who say Itachi is a terrible person and on this opinion?? I know you love him so I would like to know your thoughts on this .
I have no opinions on his haters, except for the fact that I want them to keep their hate boner for him in their pants and the relevant tags and not slip into my notes, which unfortunately doesn't happen, because haters think their hatred for a morally grey anime boy makes them morally superior, and they can't fall asleep unless they have broadcasted this everywhere in the world. I've seen haters invade the most normal posts about him to express how agonized they are because people love a character they hate. Who'd tell them the world doesn't revolve around their hatred for one character? Give it a break already. You're allowed to hate him or whatever but stop acting like a prick and let people have fun without getting offended.
As to the opinion that he's a "terrible person."
Sighs.
People have a hard time separating a character's motivations/actions with his intent. When you're analyzing any character, there are two factors to be considered — Reason and Consequences. Itachi is judged based on the consequences of his actions rather than his reasoning behind them. Everything else, except for the character in question and his feelings, is secondary in his analysis. This fandom makes everything else primary when it analyzes Itachi, whereas his own experiences and trauma aren't taken into account. If he hadn't lived the life he did, his, the clan's, and eventually Sasuke's fates would have been completely different.
If he wasn't taken to the battlefield when he was four, he wouldn't have developed the desire to end the conflict in the first place. He might have been able to preserve his innocence a little bit longer.
If he wasn't sent to Anbu at the age of 10, or if Danzo tried to persuade his family and his family refused, he wouldn't have witnessed the darkness that consumed him slowly.
If Shisui hadn't died he would have one person he could rely on.
If his clan didn't consider him a traitor he might not have lost it either.
If his family hadn't given up on him after Shisui's death, MAYBE things wouldn't have gone as bad for anyone.
Not only the way the village treated him but also he way the clan treated him made it impossible for Itachi to put his trust in anyone.
He didn't choose any of this to happen to himself. These things did and he drew into himself, entirely incapable of trusting other people. So, if I'm analyzing Itachi's character his experiences and feelings are to be prioritized first and foremost.. The consequences come later on, the primary factor is always the reason behind his actions. Not just for Itachi, but for every character who falls in the same category that Itachi does.
Ah, yes... Itachi is so terrible as a person that —
When he saw war happening in front of him, dead bodies, pain on the faces of the dead, his first instinct was to stop this destruction instead of letting this to be their future.
When a bunch of seniors came to bully him (in the novel) clearly with the intent of violence against him, he chose not to fight with them, even though none of them stood no chance against him.
Whatever horrible thing he did — murdering his clan or destroying Sasuke's life — he didn't expect any redemption or forgiveness even if his parents would have forgiven him and Sasuke also forgave him. In canon, it's impossible to change his mind about his self-loathing. He took the responsibility of his actions and lived and died with it.
When he returned as Edo Tensei, he chose to protect people because he knew war was hell. You could argue he was under the influence of kotoamatsukami. But someone in complete control of kotoamatsukami wouldn't be disgusted with Kabuto for doing something that broke grieving hearts of the loved ones of the dead again, making people go through the agony they'd once witnessed. What kind of terrible person feels this way?
When he learned Kabuto was also used by the Shinobi world, just like he was, instead of leaving Kabuto in Sasuke's care, entrusting him to kill Kabuto, Itachi chose to save his life.
Anyone who came closer to knowing Itachi, who had nothing to do with the village or anything, couldn't help but respect and admire him, despite him being a renowned criminal. Kisame, Killer Bee, etc., for example. It's a pity that very few people did and those who did never bothered to know the truth behind the massacre. And the others were dead.
Itachi wasn't a bad person. He was placed in the terrible circumstances that demanded him to make decisions. If his life had been teensy bit easier or if he'd had someone to support and guide him, he would have been more aware of his own faults, weaknesses, and tried to find a different path to handle the same situations. Just because he took the moral responsibility of his actions doesn't mean he was the only one responsible for the mess. He seems to be in complete denial of his trauma and sufferings, which is why we never see him blaming others. He, too, judged himself for the horrible things he'd done, and that was why he wanted to die at Sasuke's hands to avenge the clan or be hated by Sasuke forever.
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rosekisspeach · 4 months
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TAROT READING//Bummie's view on mingkey relationship
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Date: 16/Jan/2024 Marker: Selca, Music Deck of Cards: Trungles' Star Spinner Tarot (Inclusive, Diverse, LGBTQ Theme)
Notes Upfront:
I don't ask my cards questions that I already have answers;
I don't prey on information I should not know;
I respect their personal lives and;
This is for FUN ONLY.
ʕ•̫͡• ʔ stream Minho's Stay For A Night!! -ㅂ-
This time, the song I recommend listening to while reading is Bummie's Ain't Gonna Dance
"But let me break it down for ya honey I ain't gon' dance for your loving"
Now...Ready to glimpse into Bummie's view??
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Base Card: 10 of Coins Past: King of Cups R Now: 10 of Cups Future: 6 of Swords Past to Now: The Lovers Reverse Now to Future: 8 of Coins Reverse Result Card: 7 of Wands
Please take time looking at the cards before proceeding to read the readings, thanks. . . . . . Readings:
If ming's cards manifest honesty, bummie gives me a very strong sense of rationality. Despite so many cups here (family ties, romantic love, and self-love), bummie is a very goal-orientated individual who doesn't let the floats of emotion impact his career and personal life. He has become a little control freak, hehe. But it is totally understandable. After losing his grandma, jjong and ming (++ refer to the romantic section for elaboration) , bummie is trying to re-gain control through being a workaholic, so to express his heartbroken sadness in work and art. Good news is, he feels very content about his career, financial status, relationships, and where he and ming at. However, one might argue that he is a bit cruel and possibly, selfish - maintaining the status quo because he is one who has more say in their relationship.
Let's look at the past. The reversed king of cups immediately brings that shy bummie back to my mind. He was delicate, sensitive, on-the-edge in the debut times, but full of dreams and determined to make a career out of himself as a multi-talented idol. He didn't hesitant much at the decision of leaving Daegu to Seoul for his dream, even that meant completely new environment, living alone, and not being able to spend more time with his family. Especially his grandmother, the one raised him, and understood him (as I am typing, I still sense the warmness in bummie's heart whenever he thinks of her. He never stops missing her). And that is rationality v.s. emotions from day 1. Kibum has been really hard on himself since the beginning and loneliness, the feeling of out-of-place & isolation had consumed him. But he could handle those...then he met Choi Minho. A bit dramatic? No. Ming made bummie doubting whether the industry (and fans) would welcome someone like him. Worse. He hurt bummie in ways that reminded bummie his wronged times back in Daegu. A less developed city where you see more discrimination and bully against people who want to be themselves instead of being others. That is why bummie got all work up and self-protective when he is around ming. And bummie is as stubborn as ming, he overcomes the side-eyes like breathing fine air.
He didn't know how to overcome ming tho.
It is getting very hard not to analyze it in romantic ways because the lovers dropped, yes, but also because the lovers card is the only major arcana appeared in the result - meaning it is very IMPORTANT. (ming has both the world and the lovers, emphasizing how much he wants to make things right between them, and romantic love could be a good option) However, I will try to give a platonic reading first.
Bummie has been rational dealing with emotions, yet ming is his exception. The frictions, the fights, and the upsets slipped into his heart & left a void that bummie learnt to distance himself from ming and from getting hurt. It doesn't mean bummie doesn't care about ming. He does, deeply. And seeing ming happy makes bummie so happy that he is willing to sacrifice his own desires. Don't forget how sensitive, loving and caring bummie is. He is just too good at choosing rationality instead of his own wants. Taking the left-on-read messages as an example, bummie needed his own space/time to grieve, so he prioritized healing his own heart before ming's enthusiasm to bond. Even if that means hurting ming, means his heart ached at the realization he is hurting ming, and giving away the chance to be closer with ming. Bummie was resolved on the idea of not allowing anything ANYTHING to hurt his precious precious heart.
And looking at the base card, the king of coins, bummie is pretty satisfied with his decision. He enjoys ming being around (in the distance he sets for them), and he wasn't lying when he compares ming to commedes and garçons in the LG Object Collection show. Ming is loyal and bummie knows he can count on that - he loves ming supporting him (both his career and personal life), accompanying him, and comforting him. Ming is not just a good friend, he is family that stays in bummie's softest part. And well, also occasionally way too often gifts bummie. Gifting luxury gifts really isn't ming's love language but serving is, so when ming realized how much bummie loves getting gifts from him he nods yes. This little agreement is very sweet (remember I said ming is always READY to become a good boy for bummie?). In this way, their friendship will grow and profound like evergreen.
Before continuing on, I want to throw a harmless joke here...we have a "clown" in ming's reading, and a "simp" here again. Poor boy. But bummie is just trying to be careful and protective.
!!skip this part if you only see them as platonic friends/co-workers and resume when you see exclamation mark again!!
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Oh, come on! Look at the cards here, I bet your reading is more straightforward than mine. A lovers at the reverse signifies difficult communication, one-sided love, and the awareness of impossible love. In this case, I believe all of them are present. Bummie will never say that word if he knows all he gets is rejection. What is even sadder is he never stops loving ming (flowers continue blooming) while he believes so stubbornly that his feeling is unrequited. That he believes one day in the future, ming will fall in love (and get married) like those happy endings in the fairytales. But not with him. When that happens, bummie will stay in the little castle he build himself, enjoy aglass of wine and the cuddles of commedes & garçons, and gives his sincere good wishes. He will continue focus on his works and avoids to even think about the possibility between ming and him because of what he learnt through the years. Bummie is sensitive, and many times a cry baby.
But he doesn't want to cry anymore.
!!resume here!!
Bummie will continue focusing on work>relationship. However, I can see this attitude sets him back sometimes, because the emptiness in his heart withholds him from some deep connections. He dates/interacts with others, of course, but those love are not enough to fill the hole in his heart. In the end, we have the 6 of swords, carrying sorrow and unsatisfied feelings to the future. Bummie is hurt because of their seemingly-ok-but-not-balanced relationship, he is even more hurt because he now realizes that ming is hurt. Payback...almost, but bummie really does not want a sad face on ming. That is why I eagerly pulled up a result card, since 6 of swords can also mean good fruit after growing up from sad lessons. And I am pleased to see the seven of wands here. This card means the difficulties we face to continue to have success. And I believe they will figure things out, in the best way possible to nurture their relationship and career development.
-over-
Feel free to chat or find me on twitter @rosekisspeach
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fan-mans · 3 months
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I made a rant in my server a bit ago about some of my ships so I'm posting them today cause they're true and I love them
Here's the burnt bread one
starting with joe:
He's had a tough life... he went to catholic school where he was shamed and bullied for being weird and disabled and different and despite his mother and sister's love, they couldn't protect him from the trauma that gave him. On top of that, he's trans, which made him even MORE vulnerable to abuse... so he decided he HAS to be 'normal', no exceptions and shamed himself away from all the things he's naturally attracted to for years.
On top of that, being trans made him more scared of his sexuality, made him feel like the only way to be a real man was to throw out all his 'feminine' traits, especially his attraction to men. This leads him into some nasty relationships.
Here, all of his partners control him, tell him that if he wants affection, he must please them and ignore his own wants because he needs to 'man up'. Even the few men he does date do this, holding themselves over him and slowly breaking his spirit under the weight of their demands of servitude.
Throughout his life, joe learns that to be loved means he must forget himself, hide and crush what makes him different and please everyone he can.
When he enters the wvba at 25, he stops dating- too busy with work. And after his first match, his one win against nick bruiser of all people, he slowly goes down. He gets weaker physically and in spirit- he can barely defend himself against people shitting on him, let alone against the other boxers. He feels pathetic, weak, and worthless.
And he DOES have the strength to fight- he's constantly protecting his friends and the things he loves, standing up to assholes for people or causes and be truly terrifying... but he can't do it for himself, because he doesn't see a reason to defend who he is
Aran has had a similar life. While he's loved by his family and some friends, the outside world has been unkind to him.
His love life has been hellish, being denied the ability to express his love to his partners because it's too weird or over the top. And when he was allowed, he was told to be grateful. He was hurt and told that it was love, forced into things he hated and told it was good for him. And again and again he tried to squeeze into the right boxes and failed. On top of all that, he's dealing with a lot of untreated trauma and mental illness but he refuses to go to doctors because he's lost all trust in them.
But, instead of curling inward on self hatred, aran responded by exploding out.
If the world didn't want him how he was- he was going to make himself completely unpalatable except to the most diehard people. He emphasized his weird, ugly ways, hoping to push all away so he wouldn't have to deal with anyone anymore. Sure, he has 'friends' but he never truly trusts them, holds them at a distance and bears his teeth when they get too close.
Aran learned love from someone who isn't his own flesh and blood was basically a lie- only found through sheer luck. He couldn't trust people and was alone in this world. He had to lie and cheat and cross his fingers because that's what living is. He bites and growls without shame and cheats because he knows he's an animal and needs to survive.
And yet, he CAN be gentle! He's gentle with children and even other people, his family, the few outside it he trusts. He lets himself cry at night when no one is around but his dog and be sad and scared, but alone.
And then... they find each other
it's tense at first
Joe doesn't know how to talk to people well and aran is untrusting and standoffish. But joe mentions dropping out young, or a horror movie and peaks aran's interest. And the more they talk the more they realize how similar their lives are. How much they understand about each other's pain and fears and lives just by sheer coincidence.
Joe takes it as a sign, aran just thinks they're the luckiest bitches on earth.
So they grow close, and by doing so, find healing.
(I have fic ideas based on some of these scenarios so :P)
Aran sees joe's weird side and embraces it, ENCOURAGES it. He pushes joe because the joy on his face when he feels free is the most beautiful thing in the world. He see's joe's anger and pushes it forward, tells him he's worth something no matter how he is and helps him learn to love himself.
And joe sees aran break, the terrifying walls he's built up crumble, and he embraces it. He holds aran and lets him cry on his shoulder. He embraces his weirdness and takes pleasure in seeing his art and his uncouth ways. And he especially loves holding him down and holding his hand when he needs it.
And goddamn do they WANT each other. They want each other so bad and have no clue how to say it because deep down they're both scared of ruining the wonderful thing they have together and losing the one thing making their lives better
Surprisingly, it's joe who cracks first.
At this point, joe's more physically healthy and confident than he's ever been in years. But stress is building up in his heart. He's so grateful for aran, he knows what the other has done for him, but others just don't see it- most of his minor circuit friends don't believe him when he says aran's been helping him and still fear aran, still try and get him away because they're sacred aran is truly the monster he presents himself to be>
But joe... he snaps- now, he's stopped caring, he KNOWS that what he wants matters and what he wants is aran
(Leading to this juicy bit of dialogue)
Joe: “You may not be what I need- you may not even be what’s good for me! But dear god you are everything I want. And for once in my life, I refuse to deny myself that!”
And fuck does aran need to hear that
He'd never known that he could not only be loved like this- or even actively WANTED as himself. So he just kisses joe and holds him, very much trying not to cry.
And in the end things turn out fine. Aran drops his walls and joe builds up his strength even more. Aran goes to therapy and gets meds and opens up for once, allowing those 'friendships' to become real and give him even more strength. Joe embraces himself and becomes so blindingly happy and free it's impossible to ignore. He stands up for himself- he fucking moves up in the circuit and matches with goddamn hondo!!
Of course, there IS a little drama when they reveal their relationship...
The minor circuit freaks a bit. Esp kaiser who gets real jelly cause he had a crush on joe.
The world circuit is supportive, even sandy who had a crush on joe too but sees how happy aran makes him and so he's happy too.
Don wants in on the relationship and fails (rip, they have enough issues sorry don).
Disco, hugger and hippo are all hesitant but chill when hondo gets some reasoning into them
And tiger is undisturbed, even a little happy now that kaiser is free.
After a while kaiser gets over it and makes up with joe and aran. He actually gets really happy for them, esp after realizing that him and who joe truly is just wouldn't be compatible as lovers but are still great friends. He actually thanks aran for helping joe become so happy and respects him a lot for it.
And they all lived happily ever after the end :)
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why will is the most compatible love interest for mike's character
so i was thinking and every canon stranger things couple has a dynamic that just works except mike and eI.
notice how lucas and max seem to balance eachother out perfectly. at first, we didn't get a lot of insight on their relationship, but season 4 made it clear that they just work. max is closed off and tends to hide her emotions, while lucas is genuine, caring, and understanding. not once does he blame her for pushing him away, he knows that she puts enough pressure on herself. instead, he let's her know that he's there. it's the perfect dynamic, their personalities are so compatible and in sync, they work.
take jonathan and nancy next. nancy doesn't want to settle down, she wants to make a life for herself. she's ambitious and if she's gonna be with someone they're going to have to support her. and who better than jonathan byers? jonathan byers who is so scared to tell her that he didnt apply to her same college because he doesn't want her to give up her dreams for him. jonathan who speaks so highly of her and knows that she's strong and independent. it's a dynamic that just works.
hopper and joyce. joyce is so open about her feelings, she's very emotional, while hopper is definitely bad at expressing them. at the end of the day though, they always understand eachother. it's like they just know how to comfort the other. they bicker a lot, but they always work through it because they always have the same goal. they're a team and they work.
milkvan just doesn't have that. mike wants to be needed. he's a caretaker, whether it be with will or with el, it's just how he is. he's a savior, he craves someone who needs him. he is also very closed off when it comes to emotions, so he needs someone he can talk to so that he won't feel alone. eI doesn't have the love that mike needs. she doesn't want it either. the last thing she needs is to need someone. all her life, she's been controlled, she needs to learn to see the world on her own and truly figure herself out. she doesn't need anyone, she doesn't want to need anyone. it's also pretty clear that mike can't come to her about his feelings. how many genuine heart to hearts have they had? their relationship has little to no depth and season 4 really proved that. i mean really, mike's been (violently at times) bullied his whole life and yet eI (love her but come on) who HAS SEEN THIS HAPPEN completely invalidated and dismissed that during their one serious arguement. how is that supposed to work? clearly they can't talk to eachother, not about serious things anyways, and not as a couple. they just don't work.
you know who has the love mike needs? will. will has already stated that he needs mike. he loves mike exactly how mike wants to be loved. he sees him as a hero, as his heart. mike was perfect for will too... at least before he started focusing on only eI. he knew when something was wrong with will, he always looked after him, made him feel safe, yet he never babied him. he is exactly what will needs. also, will is the ONLY person we've seen mike consistently open up to about his feelings. i mean come on, they literally said they'd go crazy together. their dynamic just works.
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wibble-wobbegong · 2 years
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something i find interesting about milkvan is how they both expect each other to be someone straight out of their favorite movies
mike has these expectations of el that match up with his favorite heroes. that she’ll be morally perfect and unstoppable. he knows next to nothing about el, so when she does things outside of his idea of her in s4, he gets scared, angry, even resentful (the roller rink, gaslighting her).
el has expectations that mike is gonna be like all the boys from her romance movies. they never have to communicate or talk things through, they just fall in love and do romantic things. when mike expresses who he is outside of that, she shuts him down (mike singing in s3, mike trying to connect with her about being bullied). the only exception is the ending of s3 when mike talks about presents, but she goes for a love confession right after even though it had been months since they broke up. she expects him to love her like nothing had changed.
they’re constantly forcing each other into the same roles they’re constantly trying to escape. el doesn’t want to be a superhero. mike doesn’t want to be the perfect boyfriend. nothing about their relationship is real because they’re treating each other like a fantasy rather than a person.
will and max are everything they aren’t getting from these relationships. max is el’s first real friendship, something media hasn’t skewed her perspective of, and she never holds el to any standards other than asking her to be herself. will makes mike feel good about who he is and he feels unafraid to really talk about himself with will.
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stormypasta88 · 9 months
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unfolded truths and consequences
will confronts mike about his big 'i love you' speech and forces him to explain what he meant by half of it.
cw: vecna possession, manipulation, guilt-tripping, mentions of death, self hatred, bullying, references to stabbing
also available on ao3
while en route to hawkins, el and jonathan are fast asleep, as argyle toots his own horn and mumble sings to whatever is on the radio. mike and will are sat next to the other, pointedly ignoring each other when will takes a deep breathe and asks mike a question that's been burning in his throat.
"so the day i left was the best day of your life?" he asks quietly, continuing to stare at the ground as if he hadn't asked.
"what?" mike asks, looking up at will in confusion. he heard will loud and clear, but he isn't sure if he's hallucinating from all of the panic and stress he's undergone in the past week.
"you told el. that the best day of your life, was the day that i got taken by the demogorgon." he repeats, more sternly and looking up to meet mike's eyes. hurt and pain liter his features in the dim streetlights that are passing through the van's windows. "what does that mean? were you happy that i was gone? that i was dead?"
a single tear falls down mike's cheek before he quickly wipes it away. "that..that's not what i meant at all." he stammers, taken aback by the accusation.
the week will went missing was without a doubt the worst week of mike's life. it wasn't very subtle, everyone around him knew it. his parents, nancy, even baby holly knew that mike wasn't the happiest during that week. all of the important people in his life knew that that week without will was the actual worst.
except will.
will didn't know the absolute torture he went through when he was gone.
they had vowed not to talk about it unless they absolutely needed to. they had acknowledged then that it was too much grief and trauma to sift through at 12 years old, so they left it to be a fight for another day.
"so then what did you mean mike? you meant that i shouldn't have ever gotten rescued? that i should've stayed in the upside down and died?" will asks, accusing mike of the absolute worst thing to ever be. mike just stares at him in shock. how could his very best friend even think of him so lowly?
mike knew he wasn't the perfect best friend over the last six months when will was in california, but being away from his best friend for the longest time they've ever been apart for was hard for him and he didn't know how to react.
"the week without you was the absolute worst. i spent every night looking for you and praying i could find you. when they pulled that fake body out the-" mike cuts himself off.
the memories and the tears start slamming back into him. he hasn't talked about the night after will's government funded body was pulled out the quarry to anyone. no one knew what happened that night except for him and his mom, who swore not to tell anyone ever.
"after your body was pulled, i ran off and biked home. but i was crying so hard so that i couldn't see. i ran into a pole on my bike and didn't even get up. i just laid there and cried. my best friend was dead. and i didn't know to do."
mike can feel a sob trying to climb his its way out of his throat but he'd rather die than wake up el or jonathan with his crying.
will stares on at mike, expression slowly softening as he takes in his words. if he was being honest, will knew he was being kind of a jerk about the situation. but at the same time, it felt as though mike had found the absolute sharpest object that ever existed and drove it through will's chest without a care in the world.
"i got home and just collapsed again. i had slept in my parents bed like i was a toddler because i was just crying so hard. didn't go to school the next day or anything, i was just sad. it hurt so bad, you know? seeing you dead. well not really dead clearly, but i didn't know that then. i was 12, and my best friend was dead. i had to keep imaging how i was gonna move on. how was i going to plan future campaigns knowing i was missing a player? i was gonna have to finish middle school and graduate high school without you by my side. i was going to grow up and write but i wouldn't have your awesome drawings alongside my writing. i couldn't do anything without you, and i still can't. i always want you by my side, will. i'm sorry i haven't been acting like it but truly i don't know what to do without you."
mike allowed a few tears to make their way down his cheeks and droplets stain his jeans as he just sat there, not looking at will for a reaction. he had just poured his heart out for the first time since he was 12 and it was just starting to register in his head.
"aw mike, why didn't you tell me?" will started, his tone sympathetic. he sounded gentle, like he was talking to a baby. "why didn't you tell me you were so pathetic?"
startled, mike whipped his head over to look at will. at least, a version of will. instead of the beautiful brown and green eyes that will had, they were entirely white and foggy. as if he were in a trance of some kind.
"you let me be your friends for almost 10 years and you kept it a secret how much a pathetic wannabe you are? you're disgusting, really. crying and sobbing your heart out over me? it's like you're obsessed with me. you are, aren't you? i bet you're even in love with me. what a freak" will continued.
mike didn't know what to say. will's words finally processing in his mind, "freak" and "pathetic" whirling around in his head like they were on the spin cycle. will had seemed to take the dagger that mike put through his chest, rip it out and stabbed it repeatedly into mike's own.
mike opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, trying to make his mind work and respond but there was nothing.
"will, i.." mike started. suddenly his mouth felt dry and his brain was too big for his skull to hold and mike couldn't feel.
he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around his head in attempts to conceal the pain and make it stop but it didn't help.
memories of him and will as kids flashed in front of his eyes. all in gray, gone were the days from elementary school of running around castle byers, beginner dnd campaigns that they were so bad at but they didn't care.
they grew taller, teeth fell out and pimples grew and suddenly they were 13 years old and mike was yelling at him in his garage. "It's not my fault you don't like girls!". suddenly, mike was the worst best friend in the planet.
the scene changed again and mike was looking at himself, huddled into an awkward ball in the back of a surfer boy pizza boy. faint sobbing and whimpery apologies tumble from his lips.
"what kind of monster would talk to will like that? what is wrong with you?" he hears. in his own voice. mike looks around confused, he didn't speak. he looks over at the mike sitting on the seat in the van, who's staring at him with glazed over white eyes.
the eyeless mike continues to stare at him, menacingly. "who do you think you are? some freak who wants will all to himself? you can't treat him the way he deserves and yet you want him for yourself? you want to hold him and your arms forever and protect him?? what are you protecting him from, yourself?"
eyeless mike changes into a younger version, from when he was 12. chubby cheeks and awkward bowl cut stare back at him. "we're supposed to protect will, what are you doing? i'd never treat will like that, he's my best friend. what is wrong with you?"
the high pitched and squeaky, "what is wrong with you", plays over and over in his head, growing in volume. stuck like a record, over and over.
what is wrong with you?
until it stops. its just black, as if mike's eyes are just closed like he's about to go to bed. then he's in a field. it's a bright and sunny day. the wind is blowing and the flowers are in full bloom. it's a wonderful sight. mike looks around and will appears.
will.
as beautiful as he always is. hazel and green eyes shine brightly in the sunlight, brown hair so beautifully shiny. the wind blows and he laughs. the most beautiful laugh mike's ever heard.
he steps forward towards will, reaching out for his hand. he reaches will, and holds his hand. will looks over and smiles at him, squeezing his hand gently.
"crazy together, right?" will whispers.
before mike can even open his mouth to respond, the sky turns red and will's hand isn't will's hand anymore. it's cold and clammy, scaly and gross to hold. mike looks over to see will's body, but not his face. a grotesque skinned face looks back at him.
"how pathetic michael..really. you were fun to play with, but the fun's over." the face says, in a disgusting voice. hearing it puts a grind on mike's eardrums. the voice sounds so dry, but so wet and thick and he hates it. he goes to push his hands over his ears but the gross hand is holding his tightly, and won't let him go.
"don't fight it michael. they don't want you anyways. you won't be a pathetic freak anymore with me."
tears well in mike's eyes as he stares. he doesn't want to drag anyone behind anymore. he's the paladin, he's supposed to fix everything.
a teardrop falls before mike pitifully nods his head.
back in the van, in the real world. there's a bright yellow van parked haphazardly on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere.
jonathan's pacing outside of the van, running his hand through his hair wildly as he tries to figure out what to do. argyle sits with will and mike on the floor trying to snap mike out of whatever happened to him. el sits outside of the van, blindfold over eyes trying to link her mind to someone, anyone to that can help them.
and will.
crying like he's never cried before, shaking and begging mike to snap out of it and to come back because he can't lose mike. he refuses to lose him.
"mike come on!! mike! snap out of it, please! mike, don't do this to me please i need you" he screams, voice raw around the edges and he tries to scream through his tears.
"mike??!"
"MIKE!"
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ride the cyclone - a very much hyper fixated hyper analysis.
in the “we’re all just sailing thru space” part of its not game/its just a ride if you focus, you can pick out each of the choir members voices. in fall fair suite/uranium suite they’re still very much a choir, so they’re in unison. this part really sets in stone that they lived in this small, small, small town for their entire lives (except for mischa) but they really had no chance to express themselves to their own peers. at the end after everything they went through you can pick out everyone. also, before the lead in to its just a ride, you see ocean going over to karnaks dead body (???) and i like to think that she was like, checking to see if he died for real yk. ALSO. after talia where karnak offers to show mischa his potential life with her, noel stops him BECAUSE MISCHA IS PROBABLY GETTING CATFISHED BUT AT THE SAME TIME NOEL HAS PROBABLY GOTTEN CATFISHED AND BULLIED SO MANY TIMES GROWING UO HE DOESN’T WANT HIS NEW EVENTUAL FRIEND TO GO THROUGH WHAT HE WENT THROUGH BC HES SO MADLY IN LOVE WITH HER. fuck the catfish theory. when jane/penny is performing in any of the choirs songs it’s very choreographed to each member, they all were moving against they’re own will buttttt- for example at the end of this song is awesome she lets go of her skirt and kind of cocks back to the doll like movement. also, noels lament and bojd should switch names. a ballad is a solem tale or story told through song, NOELS FUCKING LAMENT. the relationship? the opium downfall? TYPOID FLU? it tells a story. Meanwhile ballad of Jane doe is her singing and despairingly longing to remembered, even though she can’t remember either. Sure for the first and last half of the song she sings kind of mellow (for the most part!! emily rohm delivered it so perfectly), in the middle, i personally like to think that it’s the doll “persona” cracking and penny is wanting to know how she would be remembered and just in desperate longing. And at the end, she snaps back to reality. Also the ending, jesus christ where do i fucking begin. It can be perceived in so many ways, that’s why its ambiguous. Like they could have moved on to the afterlife or they they could have come back (my personal favorite theory because I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT THEY ARE ACTUALLY DEAD DEAD)
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phanfictioncatalogue · 10 months
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Random Fics (6) Masterlist
part one, part two, part three, part four, part five
All Signs Point to Us (ao3) - RyRyCaptain
Summary: When the queen and king gives birth to Daniel, they soon learn that their son is deaf. In order to let Dan express his opinions to those who haven't learned sign language, they find him a translator who happens to be the son of the King’s advisor, Phil. Soon enough, Phil starts to realize thAt he fallen in love with the younger boy.
Back To Zero (ao3) - intoapuddle
Summary: One weekend, one house, five people, a recent breakup; Dan wasn't exactly thrilled, but he was going to show up for his friend, even if it meant having to share a bed with a stupid guy that sided with the even stupider guy that broke his friend's heart.
Bardic Inspiration (ao3) - dickiegreenleaf
Summary: Dan is a travelling bard looking for a safe place for him and his beloved horse to spend the night. Thankfully, the local tavern owner, Phil, can offer him one.
Cab Conversations (ao3) - watergator
Summary: Dan's shoe is stressing him out.
Danisnotadom (ao3) - Sinninghowlter
Summary: Dan's not a dom. Everyone swears up and down that he is, insists he is domming his boyfriend and is too good to take it in the ass.
Phil's not a sub. Everyone thinks he is, everyone thinks his baby is in charge. What they don't know is his hardcore boyfriend is actually a princess.
easy for you to say (ao3) - phantasticworks
Summary: Phil tries to convince Dan to throw away the grey shirt. Dan can’t do it.
Graveyard (ao3) - Numberonephanboy
Summary: "You're bringing me lunch in a graveyard?"
"Sounded more romantic in my head."
i AIM 2 b w/ u (ao3) - counting2fifteen
Summary: Dan’s life is a little bit of a mess. He met his only friend through a chat website, and Dan doesn’t even know what he looks like. The only person he’s ever come out to is said friend. He’s wasting his gap year away.
But hey, at least there’s that cute boy he met at London Pride.
just tell me how it's lookin' babe (ao3) - phanetixs
Summary: Jeff looks on, partly smug and partly in disgust at the way Dan’s sucking on Phil's ear now, and across his jaw.
“Mm,” Dan rumbles. “You taste so good, Phil.”
(Or, dealing with your ex-bullies the right way.)
Kiss Me In The Dark Tonight (ao3) - dizzy
Summary: Dan's selling merch for a local dj and crushing on the dj's brother.
Leeches To Lovers (ao3) - intoapuddle
Summary: Phil was always a little needy after a breakup, and Dan was always a little needy in general, so leeching onto your best friend for physical contact wasn't a big deal, right?
Let's see where this goes (ao3) - RyRyCaptain
Summary: Dan and Phil go to the same high school, with Phil a year older than Dan. Phil’s aesthetic is more 80’s/retro, whereas Dan’s is a grunge e-girl aesthetic with makeup. Ever since Dan’s freshman year, Phil admired him for embracing individuality and slowly started to fall for him. However, they never talked except for Phil being nervous and clumsy around Dan. Little did he know that Phil had feelings for him but didn’t show it.
Lost inside Your Dreams (ao3) - dip_the_pip
Summary: Phil's worst nightmare comes true...or does it?
Midnight Garden (ao3) - silentdescant
Summary: He who plants a garden plants happiness.
In which Phil is a gardener at the palace and Dan is a reclusive prince.
OnlyDans (ao3) - intoapuddle
Summary: Phil wakes up to a bunch of drunk Dan texts and a new video in their private folder
Returning home (ao3) - philsbignaturals
Summary: In which Dan returns to find a clingy Phil
Based on the selfie Dan took after returning from the European tour
Ride Safe, Wear A Seatbelt (ao3) - watergator
Summary: prompt: 34+35 by ariana grande
Phil likes to be in control.
Roadtrip (ao3) - Fictropes
Summary: “Exactly. I am right, as always.”
“As always.” Dan agrees.
Robots In The Dorm - itsmyusualphannie
Summary: Dan goes to university in florida and meets his roommate Phil. After a few months, and despite an’s facade of disinterest, he begins to actually like Phil and his nerdy ways. The robot that phil designs doesn’t help.
snails kissing (ao3) - cloud_gays
Summary: Phil wants to be smooched and Dan wants to rescue snails.
Also called: Dan: the snail saviour; and Phil: the “maybe the real snails saved were the cuties we met along the way” guy.
Something Unholy (ao3) - hygge
Summary: Phil receives some very surprising and seductive texts in the middle of the night.
Steak and Kidney Pie (ao3) - Randomcat1832
Summary: Dan’s an intern working at a law firm with no clue of what he wants to do with his life; Phil’s a successful photographer with an unusual taste in art.
The opening course to a love story.
What We Do In Private (Is Not For Other Eyes) (ao3) - combeauferre
Summary: So maybe they both suck at communication. Maybe Dan needs to talk to Phil about what they are to each other. And maybe Phil needs to sit his parents down and tell them that big, slightly scary thing about himself. But maybe it'll all work itself out, one way or another.
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shreddheir · 1 year
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I posted 12,854 times in 2022
That's 12,577 more posts than 2021!
668 posts created (5%)
12,186 posts reblogged (95%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@fullmusicbard
@finnthewitch
@fakeorchestra
@surpriserose
@outpost-31
I tagged 3,523 of my posts in 2022
#terunosuke miyamoto - 91 posts
#kt lore - 62 posts
#jjba - 55 posts
#fave - 51 posts
#angelica tag - 48 posts
#jjba oc - 42 posts
#kt tag - 41 posts
#you know - 40 posts
#me - 38 posts
#prev - 36 posts
Longest Tag: 140 characters
#(ppl acting fake offended over something innocuous where you know they’re teasing you but it’s ambiguous enough that you can’t explain it to
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
i love robots but i hate how they will be used.
 Robotic “dogs” that will gun you down without the capacity for compassion. Or drones that will kill countless innocent people with the click of some far away mans controller. Or artificial, beautiful, slim women gliding around the homes of lonely rich men with submission only a machine can guarantee. Or online algorithms trawling through conversations to predict what you want to buy and when you want it.
If god created man in his image what does it say about us? that when given a chance to make something of our own we only use it for sex or war or consumerism or the most streamlined, soulless imitations of those 3? Is that our image? 
I love robots that are built to live with us, not for us. 
188 notes - Posted July 21, 2022
#4
Saiki kusuo has autism.
Reasons: not facially expressive, doesn’t communicate verbally, gets overwhelmed in public or around a lot of people, wears gloves everywhere to prevent (psychic) overstimulation, doesn’t really get the people around him despite being able to read their thoughts, goes to great lengths to try and appear normal,
198 notes - Posted July 4, 2022
#3
Did anyone else know that the actual cannibal Shia labeouf song Was made by one of the singers of TALLY FUCKING HALL??????
232 notes - Posted March 5, 2022
#2
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It’s Thursday
293 notes - Posted March 31, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
Josuke Higashikata has anger issues and we should talk about that in a non-memey way.
We’ve all seen the memes. Josuke gets really pissed if you talk shit about his hair. But it’s a bit deeper than just irrational hairstyle rage. In this essay I will dissect an aspect of Josuke’s character that, despite being often talked about, is never truly discussed.  His anger. 
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This image is a good starting point, especially the section on how others see Josuke. It tells us 3 very important things.  1. His mother doesn’t see his anger issues as a problem, despite how destructive they can end up being. This is likely because she has some of her own, as shown when she slams a catcaller’s face into his car door hard enough to dent it.  2: His stand’s ability is affected by whether or not he’s angry. If he’s angry, crazy diamond isn’t the kind power it usually is at all.  3: Josuke is disliked by his peers. Those bullies aren’t an exception, they’re the norm. In fact, the only person who has an overall positive opinion on josuke at this point in the series is his close family, and even his grandfather recognizes that his anger is destructive.  Josuke has a cool exterior, but that’s partially a facade. It’s important to recognize that Josuke has been ostracized his ENTIRE LIFE. For context, illegitimate children and single mothers was/are VERY stigmatized in japan.
See the full post
354 notes - Posted June 25, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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