#he confessed this organically this was not planned nor did I want to talk about it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

punkeccentricenigma · 8 months

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Rise!Boys accidentally confess their love to Reader.

Relationship status: Romantic

Reader prounouns: They/Them

TW: Slight angst for Raph's part, Some grammatical errors because english is not my first language.

Author's note: Just enjoy lol.

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Leonardo

◇ Ever since Leo realized his feelings, his casual demeanor towards [Y.N] had turned into almost aggressively flirting.

◇ Despite not wanting to rush into confessing his feelings, he was practically a simp for that person..

◇ But he also teased them often, of course, not on a seriously offensive level. Just light pokes and prods.

◇ I'm sure he bragged to anyone about his not-yet relationship with [Y.N].

"Oh, and I recently won a unicorn plushie for them, and they were really delighted! WE'RE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER!"

"Pepino, get the hell out of here."

◇ Just as Donatello had enough of his (non-)twin, he now wanted to dig a hole to hell and throw him in there to finally get some rest.

◇ Anyway, the accidental confession happened one night when neither he nor [Y.N] could sleep.

◇ They were sending each other various memes through Discord in bulk. This boosted his confidence even more, leading to him typing 'I love you.'

◇ Of course, he hadn't sent it yet; his mind was suddenly filled with not-so-good thoughts. What if they don't feel the same? What if they laugh at him?? Or something worse?!

◇ Despite his persona, the boy was full of insecurities, from his looks to his personality, but with them... he felt good about himself.

◇ But would such a confession be too simple? The boy decided to wait at least one day before confessing his love.

◇ But fate said 'nuh-uh,' and his phone fell on Leo's face, causing panic. Due to his carelessness, he held the device wrong, resulting in the accidental sending of the ill-fated message.

"No, no, no, NO!" His voice trembled as he tried to delete the message immediately. Unfortunately, the app froze to his disadvantage. "Damn it!"

◇ When he managed to reopen the app, there was a new message.

◇ "... You are not joking, right?"

◇ This night would last even longer than a turtle had anticipated.

Raphael

◇ I think it happened during the attack on their home by Shredder. Absolute chaos, a storm of emotions, the perfect situation for an imperfect love confession.

◇ "Raph, have you lost your mind?!" [Y.N] began, full of outrage. "Why didn't you let me stay? Splinter and Draxum need help!"

The turtle furrowed his brow bones, looking down at the shorter person with regret. "It was the only way, I'm sure they'll handle it."

"And what if they don't? What if they needed our help right now?"

◇ No matter how advanced [Y.N]'s combat skills were, Raphael was even more opposed to the idea.

◇ "Nothing will happen to them!" Raphael raised his voice, as if trying to convince not only the teenager but himself. "And stop arguing with me; I'm the leader here, and I make the decisions!"

"Damn it, I don't understand you! I could handle it, and you would have more time to plan; I'm not needed here!!"

◇ Just a reminder, everyone present was watching this argument.

◇ "Yes, you are!"

"No, I'm not!"

"You are! I don't want to lose you like Gram Gram; I love you too much!" His angry red face suddenly turned shocked. Oh, oh. Did he really just say that??

◇ His dark eyes met the teenage counterpart's. Their whole face was red, and their determination to sacrifice themself slowly faded from their eyes.

"... Fine," [Y.N] muttered and sat down in the seat next to Michelangelo.

◇ When all this chaos is over, they'll have to talk, this time more calmly.

Donatello

◇ Donnie has a need to be as organized as possible, so before suggesting anything, he has to plan everything out and make sure that any confession of feelings will go perfectly.

◇ Of course, he had a large folder with potential scenarios that could happen before and after the confession. It had a bit of a vibe from his previous reincarnation, but much less scary and obsessive - he simply felt strong discomfort without preparation.

◇ Leo likes to tease him about it, by the way.

◇ Anyway, there was one situation the boy didn't anticipate. One night, he had been working on another invention all night, aimed at stealing another battery from the Purple Dragons, and in the morning, he fell asleep at his desk, or rather, he was half-unconscious.

◇ "Dee, come to bed." Raphael's voice echoed through the lab, gently shaking the sleepy Soft-shell's naked shoulder. In response, he got some sluggish syllables and a hiss. "You can't sit here like this; it's not healthy." "And sitting here all night is unhealthy enough," he added quietly.

"Get lost..." That's all the turtle understood. Raph rolled his eyes and moved away from his brother a bit.

"I'm not going to struggle; I'm sleep-deprived myself," the red-loving enthusiast said, picking up his phone.

◇ And so [Y.N] appeared in the lair, as the ultimate weapon.

◇ "Donnie! Get up! Lie down in bed!" The teenager themself was not well-rested, considering the early hour, but they tried not to sound irritated. Donnie mumbled something again and straightened up in his chair.

"Raphaello, leave me alone," Donnie started, putting his hands on the keyboard. Apparently, he had no intention of opening his eyes. "I still need to make a few changes to the code..."

"Wait, do you think I'm Raph??" [Y.N] asked in surprise, pointing at themself. Did their voice really sound so manly and deep?? Since when??

"And you're talking in the third person again; I've told you that it's no longer fashionable." Donnie tried not to hit his head against the desk even a little, wanting to at least be somewhat awake. The human wanted to say something, correct him, but gave up with a certain idea in their mind.

◇ they had noticed strange aspects of their friend's behavior lately. He was more open to their, often grabbing their hand or hugging their despite his usual aversion to it, he made various devices for their that made quite an impression on their... there had to be something to it!

◇ "Hey, buddy," the human leaned lazily against the desk, trying their best to mimic the speech style of the oldest of the brothers. "Do you, you know, have something going on with our best, most wonderful human friend??"

"You mean April?" Ouch, that hurt, even though [Y.N] felt the same way. "She's our almost-sister, Raph, yuck."

◇ "Oh, no! [Y.N], I meant [Y.N]!" The teenager corrected themself, slightly annoyed. It was weird.

"What about them? I already told you." No! Not like that!

"Ahahah, you know I have a bad memory when I'm not stressed!"

"Mh..." Pause. Did they say something wrong? Donatello is overly smart; he should figure out what's wrong! How will they explain this? "Everything's fine; my plan will be initiated in half a year at the latest." Plan? What plan??

"Plan...?"

"Rendezvous plan, duh," Donnie replied, resting his head on his hand. "I know you advised against it, but I can't do it differently. I need everything to be tip-top before I confess my feelings to them."

◇ "..."

◇ "Raph...?"

◇ [Y.N] remained silent, trying to control their sudden heartbeat and their face turning as red as a strawberry.

Michelangelo

◇ Playing the role of Dr. Delicate Touch, the boy knew perfectly well what he felt and wanted to confess his love, but the natural fear of rejection also got to him.

◇ He wanted to think this all through. He wanted to do it as smoothly and charmingly as possible, but not in a way that made it seem like he didn't care. He didn't want to throw such important words to the wind!

◇ His artist's soul played a significant role here. Every time he felt great, he had to sketch something related to love.

◇ Just woke up from a fantastic dream? He had to quickly grab his sketchbook and sketch [Y.N] in a floral wreath.

◇ He was on patrol and saw their favorite cafe? He started sketching the teenager drinking coffee in the nearby sand with his finger, taking a picture of it as a keepsake.

◇ Spending quality time with [Y.N]? He convinced them to start painting each other with his favorite markers, and under the pretext of light fun, he drew orange hearts on their cheeks.

◇ It was all fun until there was an 'accident' during one of the previously mentioned activities.

◇ So, Mikey and [Y.N] were in his new room after Shredder's attack, and he needed help with some unique decoration.

◇ "Wait, isn't that a neon banner from the nearby store??" The teenager asked, pointing at the mentioned thing, peeking out from behind the boy.

"I neither confirm nor deny it!" Mikey laughed, shrugging his shoulders. "You have to admit it fits perfectly."

"Mhm, but I doubt you'll fall asleep with this," [Y.N] said skeptically, picking up one of the cardboard boxes that contained a surplus of notebook-like items. "Where does this go?"

"Oh! Just put it next to the cabinet; I'll put them in the drawers in a sec."

The human nodded, and as they took a few more steps, they tripped over the cables lying on the floor. they fell to the ground with a squeak, dropping the box less than half a meter in front of them.

"Are you okay??" The orange-loving enthusiast quickly ran to his friend, helping them get up as they groaned in pain.

"Yeah, I think so..." Their voice trailed off, surprising Mikey, who followed their gaze.

◇ His pupils immediately narrowed upon seeing an open sketchbook with many drawings and sketches of [Y.N], with a predominant theme of love.

"Mikey...?"

"IT'S NOTHING!" The teenager shouted, hastily picking up the sketchbook from the floor and pressing it against his plastron.

◇ Their faces both turned equally red with excessive thinking.

◇ Oops.

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #rottmnt x y/n #rottmnt x you #teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise donnie x reader #rise leo x reader #rise mikey x reader #rise raph x reader #rottmnt x reader #Headcanons #x reader

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alcoholandcakes · 1 year

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Bsd boys on Valentine’s Day

< Dazai Osamu, Chuuya Nakahara, Atsushi Nakajima, Akutagawa Ryunnosuke, Edgar Allan Poe>

Dazaj Osamu

- he’s so extra

- even though he has “no money”, somehow he still manages to pull off a whole over the top plan

- at first he acts like he forgot or sum

- first you’re welcomed with roses on your desk when you enter the office

- he won’t get off of you, literally glued to your side

- at lunch he won’t do anything extra, he’s just preparing you for dinner and stuff

- he won’t stop talking about how precious you are to him

- “ Belladonna, you don’t understand- I need to show you how important you are to me”

- “you’ll make us go into more depth, Dazai”

-Kunikida is also done with his shit but this time he won’t say anything

- he will take you on a night stroll as soon as the sun starts to set, it’s really romantic actually

- I was talking about taking you to dinner, well-

- the dinner is on a rooftop like a picnic

- the view is amazing and I’m sure you’ll love it

- he knows you so well

- Dazai starts to confess about his undying love for you but instantly ruins it with asking you to commit double suicide with him

- when you come back it will be romantic in the bedroom what can I say ;)

Atsushi nakajima

- poor tiger doesn’t know what to do

- he’s utterly broke and cannot afford a fancy dinner nor taking you out somewhere romantic so he needs to be creative

- if you love teddy bears then you’re in luck

- he would buy you a teddy bear, like a big one which is in his budget 😭

• “Why did you buy me this?”

• “do you not like it?”

• “ Atsushi dear, why would i need a teddy bear? I already have you!”

- he would get so flustered but he’s glad that you like it

- he would also take you out for a stroll when the sun starts to set

- walking right next to the river where he and Dazai first met

- let’s just hope it’s not full moon that day so there won’t be any trouble

- he did take you on a picnic and you guys just admired the night sky

- well, you were admiring the night sky because he was admiring you

- your beauty under the moonlight

- he would call you moonlight from that on

- NEKENSKDNKDNS

Sorry I had to

- he’s trying his best

- it was really cute {he’s cute<3}

- he would also throw so many compliments at you oh my lord

- like he doesn’t do it every single day

- he just loves you with his whole heart

Chuuya Nakahara

- he’s fancy and has money

- he will bombard you with expensive gifts

- that necklace you saw a week ago in that shop? Now it’s on your desk waiting for you to wear it

- he will take you out for lunch and dinner

- like he doesn’t do it whenever he has the chance

- this is one of the only few days he lets himself be seen with you

- he doesn’t want you to be in danger so yeah

- and it’s not like those dinners before

- there are rose petals, expensive wine and stuff

- I’m really bad with this romantic stuff I’m sorry 😭

- he loves to make you feel special

- even Kyouko helped to organize this

- she’s way better at knowing what a woman loves

Akutagawa Ryunnosuke

- he doesn’t understand why are people so excited about Valentine’s Day

- I mean yeah, what’s the big deal it’s just another boring day?

- if Valentine’s Day is important for you and you get excited over it he’s willing to do something in his own emo way

- he asks his sister for help

- asking ways to make you feel more special than you already are

- I mean, you’re literally sleeping in the same bed as Akutagawa and you’re his girlfriend if that doesn’t make you feel special enough istg

- if you have this cake or something that you really like but don’t eat often he will literally try to bake it for you

- let’s hope he doesn’t burn down the kitchen 😭

- Rhamshon tries to help also

- when you get home you just see your favorite cake on the table and a sweating akutagawa in the kitchen

- “ did— did you bake that?”

- he wouldn’t even answer your question, just looking at you with narrowed eyes

- “eat it”

- I swear you thought that he’s going to poison you

- it was really tasty surprisingly

- of course it was tasty, his sister helped for sure

- give him a kiss in return so he knows you like it

- he was so nervous

- he calms down a little when he sees you liked it

- he loves to see you happy even if he doesn’t show it or if that means he has to suffer for hours to make something you love

Edgar Allan Poe

- now listen here

- even if he’s wealthy he’s maybe tho only one who doesn’t spoil you with gifts

- okay now I lied but I hope you know what I’m trying to say

- yeah, he will buy you anything you want

- but he wrote you a book

- A LITERAL BOOK

- and a romantic poem

- I just love this man

- he wouldn’t take you out for dinner

- HE would make dinner in your home

- Carl this day would be way more touchy and even cuddle with you which is rare

- I’m sure he would do that to make Poe jealous that you’re giving more attention to him than your lover

- okay now, he made you dinner, wrote you a book and Poe, even bought you something you like

- so when you guys are eating he would read it out to you making you awestruck

- “ that was beautiful”

- “not more beautiful than you”

- that was a little corny but idc I love this man

- I feel like he would even propose to you for god’s sake!

- I’m sure he would propose

- he’s a man who dates to marry

- Carl is your child, and you cannot change my mind

- you’re like a little family

- he hopes you like the book

- and also

- make sure that you assure him that Ranpo could never compare to him and that he’s the love of your life and he’s perfect

- just boost his fragile ego when it comes to Ranpo, please and thank you

_____________________________________

A/n: ik im a little late IM SORRY! I forgot to post it in time. I really hope you guys liked it and I wish you guys all the best

Be safe and make sure to eat and stay hydrated! I love you guys<3

Posted: 15.02.2023

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actrixquadras · 20 days

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So Far Away AU Part3

Chapter 2: New Start

During their journey to the Haven Academy, Jaune couldn’t understand why Qrow bothered to get drunk. Back in his hometown, he had seen many people get drunk and had their lives and their families destroyed by it. His father used to indulge in alcohol from time to time, but he remembers that he was always in control. Weiss’ mother was an alcoholic too. Alcohol was a poison Jaune never wanted to indulge in and yet here he was sipping it away at the bar, realizing why a person indulged in alcohol.

With every sip he took, he felt himself numb to what he was feeling. With every single swig he took, he found himself numb to the world. Jaune was not a lightweight, but he was also not someone who identified in the opposite spectrum. The hustle and bustle of the bar served as a soothing drone, but it was not hypnotizing enough to send him to a slumber.

“So what now?” Ren asks and at this moment Jaune looks up and remembers that he was not alone at the bar. Ren and Nora were here as well with him at the small table they had occupied. While he and Ren indulged themselves with a whisky on the rocks, Nora bothered herself to get a beer. Qrow was here as well, tucked away in a corner, drinking water which half surprised Jaune. Ilia, Sun, Coco, Velvet, and Neptune were huddled at one of the bigger tables, softly talking and from the expression they had on their face, the knight deduced that it was not a lively discussion. Neo, just like Qrow, occupied another corner, and Emerald and Mercury were seen at the counter, talking away.

What surprised Jaune more was the sight of Winter. Considering the history of alcohol in her family, Jaune expected her to be one of those people who despised alcohol. Well, he knew Weiss loathed it. But here she was, sitting at the counter, drinking the wine away, albeit in moderation.

“About what?” Jaune asks while taking a sip of his whisky.

“You know, fearless leader… what do you plan to do?” Nora asks while running her finger on the rim of her glass.

“What do you plan to do?” Jaune asks as he places his glass gently on the table. With the direction this conversation seemed to go, it was better if he remained sober.

Nora and Ren look at each other and an unspoken agreement happens between them. They look at their leader and for a second, they hesitate to say what they had on their mind. Ren unconsciously cracks his knuckles and Nora starts rubbing her palms. Sensing their hesitation, Jaune gives them a gentle smile and says, “Before you say what you guys want to do, just remember that, whatever decision you take, whatever path you choose, I will always support you”.

The duo straighten their backs a bit as soon as Jaune says that as if a huge weight was lifted off their shoulder, and Ren looks at Nora to which the red-head woman nods. The man nods and then he looks at his leader and says, “I and Nora are planning to quit being huntsmen. We want to go back to Kuroyuri and rebuild it”.

Judging by how worried they looked right now, it was safe for Jaune to assume that he looked flabbergasted. He didn’t expect that. He didn’t mind them doing this, he just didn’t see it coming. Not even once did Nora nor Ren talk about Kuroyuri, so he was blindsided by their decision. Maybe the saying that war changes everything was true in every sense.

“We have been around the block, asking anyone who wants to join us. We have a good number. We thought if you don’t have anything going on, maybe you could come with us”, Nora says, a bit of hesitance in her voice.

A small smile grew on Jaune’s face. Even in tough times, they were thinking about him. Sure, he did have plans. He was planning to confess to Ruby and if it went well, maybe take her to his hometown to meet his parents who he didn’t see for a long time. Maybe meet Taiyang as well and ask for his blessing. Then get married and settle down. He and Ruby would continue to be huntsmen, but he would retire early to take care of the kids.

But now, Ruby is gone. So most of his plans were down the drain and thus he had to begin from square one. Sure the offer Nora and Ren were giving was tempting, but he didn’t see himself going with them. They needed their privacy. They needed their space to grow and him being there would intrude that space and it didn’t sit well with Jaune.

He replies, “I’m happy that you are considering me in your future. But I must stop you right there. There are things I want to do and I won’t be able to do if I decide to join you guys”.

“Do we have the right to know those things?” Ren hesitantly asks.

Jaune’s eyes soften a bit as he replies, “It’s been 26 years since I saw my parents. I fought with my Dad before I came to Beacon. I did talk to Mom but after the fall of Beacon, we fell out of touch. The last person from my family that I had talked with was Saphron and that was ages ago. Now, after everything that has happened, I think it is time to go back home and be there for my family. Also, Crocea Mors can’t go back to its rightful place if I don’t go back home”.

“Where exactly is your home, Jaune?” Nora asks.

“It's a small town in Vale by the name of Ansel”, Jaune replies.

“But didn’t Vale get destroyed?” Nora asks.

“The main city got destroyed, but places in the countryside like Patch, Ansel, and Strot are relatively safe. Also, my town has its fair share of good huntsmen”, the blonde replies.

“But do you have to go? You can still come with us and visit them once in a while right? Maybe you could…” Nora starts but Ren cuts her off by placing his hand on her shoulder. She looks at him and he just shakes his head. The knight understood where Nora was coming from. Her own experience related to her mother might have made her assume that his family might be the same.

But Jaune knew well. He might have shared differences with his father but over the years, he has come to know why his father never bothered to train him. His mother was on the passive side but she always meant well. And then there were his sisters. He fought with them, he argued with them but he also loved them. You can’t forget about family just because you have one difference with them.

But at the same time, he was nervous. As he said before, it has been 26 years since he had seen them. The scroll which he had with him when he fell into Ever After, was lost in the unknown. It contained everything about his family and friends. The memories it held in it were lost forever to the blackness of the void. It has been so long that he even struggles to remember how they even look. He is also scared of the fact that anything could happen to them during these years.

“We understand, Jaune. You should go back to your family and regarding Kuroyuri, I believe you can visit us from time to time”, Ren says with a small reassuring smile. Did Ren sense the dilemma Jaune was going through in his mind? The knight had no idea. But knowing that he had his back brought ease to his soul.

“Yeah… you can do that!” Nora chimes in.

“That seems like a good alternative”, Jaune replies with a smile and as he picks up his glass, he asks, “So when are you two leaving?”

Ren shrugs his shoulders in reply and says, “Since it's a big group, it might take some time for us to prepare. If I have to give an exact number, maybe in three to four weeks”. Jaune simply nods.

“When are you leaving, Jaune?” Nora asks.

Jaune shrugs his shoulders as he replies, “I don’t know… maybe in a week. I don’t have much stuff to carry. Tomorrow, I was planning to get in contact with one of the Bullhead pilots and ask the place where he could drop me. Then get some stuff sorted out”.

“Only a week! I thought we had enough time to hang out”, Nora groans to which both Jaune and Ren let out a chuckle.

The knight reaches out to pat the short woman’s head and says, “If it makes you feel better, I’m not sure whether I will be leaving early. As far as I know, the flight towards Vale might not occur this early. So if I get lucky, I might be around for a few more days”.

“But there is also a chance the flight might be in three days! What if there is one tomorrow?” Nora asks with concern.

Jaune smiles and replies, “Well, if that is the case then I guess I will miss that flight and wait for another”.

“You know… why can’t you wait till we leave for Kuroyuri!? That way we have plenty of time to spend!” Nora suggests.

“Nora…” Ren chastises her.

The knight couldn’t help but chuckle and said, “Well, that is something I can’t do. You guys would be busy with the preparations. So it's better if I get myself out of the way”.

“You are never in the way, Jaune”, Ren immediately replies in an offended tone.

The blonde takes a sip and with a grin on his face, he replies, “I know, Ren. I know”. A moment of silence grows among them and his eyes gaze back into his glass. In one big sip, he empties the glass and then he says, “Well, I will take my leave then”.

“You’re leaving?” Ren asks with genuine concern.

“I'm drained, man. I just want to sleep”, he replies and both of them understand.

They nod in synchrony and the short red-haired woman reaches out and hugs the knight. She then looks at her partner, who just nods and goes to hug them. They held onto each other for what felt like an eternity. None of them wanted to let go. It took Jaune all of his restraint to let go.

“Good night, fearless leader”, Nora beams.

“Good night, Jaune”, Ren says with a soft smile on his face.

“Good night guys”, Jaune replies as he walks out of the bar into the cold winds of the Vacuan night.

The night was beautiful but Jaune was not in the mood to savor it. Even with the presence of the shattered moon and stars, he seldom felt at ease. The local huntsmen were patrolling the camps. Just because Salem was dead, it didn’t mean that the Grimm would rest. After all, they existed before her. Her presence in this world acted as a control and now… since she was gone, they were back to their instinctual predation. The huntsmen were on their toes patrolling day and night.

Some waved at him as he walked past them and he returned the gesture in kind. He was acquainted with a few of them. Having Aura Amp as his semblance meant that he was in high demand. Sometimes they would reach out to him in the middle of the night to help and the knight would oblige. At least he could be helpful now, but also left him with little time to mourn. Jaune couldn’t help but shudder to imagine how these guys would fare after his departure. He was half convinced to stay back just to treat these people, but he had to stop himself. They were in this business knowing that their death was part of their main course… he can’t save everyone.

Pondering, Jaune enters the area where the refugees are camping. The sight of him brought smiles to the eyes of the children who were awake and they would rush to him asking about how his day was. The knight liked children a lot. Their smile eased him and it also made him work hard. This is not the place a child should be, yet here they were. The guilt that was present in his heart, rears its ugly head and worms its way into his mind.

This was a newly built settlement. The last settlement where people from Atlas were camping was attacked overnight by Salem in the early days of the war. That skirmish took the lives of many people, including Weiss’ mother and brother. Many children died that day. Weiss and Winter were never the same after Willow and Whitley's death. There were times when Jaune would hear Weiss cry in the night, but he never dared to approach her, and that made him feel worse. She had helped him recover and he couldn’t help her back then and he can’t help her now.

The children would accompany him to his tent and they would say their goodbyes and be on their merry way. Jaune’s tent was not big but it was also not small. It was enough to room three people with beds and he used to share this space with Oscar and Qrow. It had enough space to hold a small portable stove in between and it was high enough for Jaune to stand up straight. But these days it is quite different. Oscar’s bed was neatly folded away and given to someone who needed it more than them. Qrow rarely appears back, so Jaune is mostly alone.

The knight flops down on his bed and he unbuckles his sword from his waist. His eyes get drawn by the small moths that are hovering around his camp light and he is drawn to it. Today was a very long day and he was exhausted. The stove was warming the camp enough to make it cozy and Jaune slowly got rid of the coat he was wearing. As he folded the coat to act as his makeshift pillow, he sensed someone standing outside his tent.

“Jaune, are you awake?” a voice asks and Jaune immediately recognizes who the person is.

“Winter? Yes, I’m awake”, Jaune replies and the flaps of the tent open to reveal Winter. Prim and proper, but she seemed quite hesitant to enter.

“I hope I’m not disturbing you”, Winter asks standing at the entrance.

Jaune smiles and says, “No! You were not. Please make yourself comfortable”. The military officer takes up the offer the knight made and sits on the Qrow’s bed. While she was making herself comfortable, Jaune took this moment to study her.

She had no sway in her movement, it meant she was sober. The way she appeared at his tent, meant that she followed him from the bar. The way she was hesitant to enter, explained to Jaune that she was not here for pleasantries. It was at this moment, Jaune knew very well that Winter came to him to discuss.

“How is life treating you, Jaune?” Winter asks as an ice-breaker.

Jaune shrugs his shoulders in indifference as he replies, “Same thing, different day. Nothing new. How are you?”

Winter lets out a sigh as she says, “Same here. Still trying to get used to not having my powers, but other than that, just like you said, nothing new”.

As soon as the explosion that claimed the lives of Ruby and others occurred, Winter lost her maiden powers. From what Jaune knew, the powers of maidens came from Ozpin. Since Oscar was dead now, it would make sense that he would reincarnate, but this time Salem was dead for good, which means that Ozpin’s hell also came to an end and thus the maiden power, which was his essence, also vanished. Winter was not overly sad about losing the powers if it meant that Salem was slain for good.

“And how is the search coming together?” Jaune asks.

“Yeah… about that. We are still looking. The Grimm concentration has gone down due to what Dr. Polendina calls the residual energy left by Ruby’s silver eyes, but it won’t stay for long. We have to find the relics as soon as possible”, Winter replies.

Jaune nods in agreement and replies, “Well, it's a good thing that we have the relic of destruction”.

“We have to thank Ruby for holding onto that”, Winter says and suddenly she sensed the knight’s mood go down into a spiral. The soldier had an inkling of how much Ruby meant to him. Her sister had given her enough hints regarding that. But seeing the knight so heartbroken saddened Winter a lot. He was a good man. He had suffered enough. So, she decides to steer the conversation in the direction she intended to at the beginning.

“I got a word from the hospital. They told me that Weiss would be fit for discharge in a week. She would still be hooked up to oxygen and IVs but we can take her away”, Winter says.

Jaune’s mood brightens up immediately and with glee, he exclaims, “That’s great news, Winter! I’m happy for you”.

It causes the white-haired woman to smile but her mood drops and says, “It is good news, but I’m not sure about this, Jaune”.

“What’s wrong? You can tell me anything, Winter”, the knight asks.

“Jaune, as you know, my hands are tied. As much as I want to make Weiss my main priority, it's… it's just that I don’t trust anyone enough to find the relics and not use them for their gain. Headmaster Theodore is a good man, but I want to be there when we find those relics. I also don’t have enough trust in a stranger to take care of Weiss in my place. And not to forget, I hate to be that person, but this is not the place I want Weiss to be in as she recovers”, Winter laments as she leans forward, using her knees as support.

Jaune understood where her concerns came from. Vacuo, while it was kind enough to let the refugees live, the natives wouldn’t hesitate to abandon them when the chances of survival come into play. The Vacuan arms were open to anyone who was able to survive the harsh conditions and the refugees were mere civilians who were thrust into this war. He had heard a passing rumor about how few of them were planning to make a trip to East Sanus and Anima. Some were even contemplating to travel as far as Solitas and Menagerie. This was not a place you would have someone like Weiss stay.

But there was something that bothered Jaune a lot. The way Winter hesitated to find words after what she had just said, the way she refused to look into his eyes said that there was more she wanted to say. He doesn’t say a word, allowing all the time he could spare for Winter to articulate her thoughts.

“At the bar, I overheard you saying that you were planning to move back to your family”, Winter starts, looking a bit guilty.

“I am”, Jaune confirms.

“Jaune, what Ansel is like?” Winter asks.

The knight was taken aback by the question his friend’s sister posed. The only person he had divulged about his hometown was Ruby and it was during their trip to Haven Academy. To hear someone ask about it… it was new.

Racking his blurry memories, Jaune replies, “It’s a small town in Vale. It has a lot of farms and vineyards. We don’t live near the sea, but the rivers make up for it. It doesn’t get too hot in summer and it doesn’t get too cold in winter. Once in a while, the snow sticks. The people are friendly and we do have a good number of huntsmen protecting the town”.

Winter nods and in a hesitant voice, she asks, “So is it a good place for Weiss to recover?”

“Definitely! It is a great place for anyone who wants to settle down”, Jaune replies absently.

The soldier bites her lips as if she was contemplating what to say next. She looked at him, and Jaune could easily say that she was being hesitant.

“Winter, is there something you want to say?” Jaune asks with a small smile on his face. This causes the white-haired woman to be surprised, but in the end, she just lets out a sigh. She remains quiet for a while, and then she takes a deep breath and looks into the knight’s eyes directly.

“There is something I wanted to ask. It’s more of a request”, Winter starts and she pauses for a second. She takes in one more breath and asks, “Will you take Weiss with you?”

Jaune didn’t see that coming. To be honest, he expected something along the lines of staying here which he was about to decline. But taking Weiss with him… that had never occurred to him. Why would it occur? Weiss, at best, was a good friend. He used to have romantic feelings for her in the past, but he outgrew it. And now, her sister is asking him to take her with him to his home.

“Winter, do you even realize what you are talking about?” Jaune asks while trying his best to keep his voice in check.

“I know what I just said, Jaune”, was the reply Winter gave.

“Why me? Just a moment ago you told me that you don’t trust a stranger to look after Weiss! What made you think that I am the right man for the job!?” the blonde knight asks in bewilderment.

“You are not a stranger, Jaune”, Winter starts in a gentle voice, which was quite rare to hear from her. She takes his hands in hers and says, “Weiss never considered you a stranger. As far as I know, she considered you as someone more than a friend. You are Weiss’ family”.

This causes the words to get stuck in Jaune’s throat. He… He had no arguments against that. He remains quiet as the elder Schnee sister continues to say, “You might be wondering why I chose you. It's because I know very well that you would do everything in your power to care for her. Nora and Ren will travel back to Kuroyuri to rebuild it and they won’t be able to look after her. I don’t know others well enough to know how they were with my sister. But you Jaune… I know you well. You never shirked away from responsibility and I feel at ease when she is with you”.

She continues to say, “And you just explained what Ansel was like. With how peaceful it sounds, I believe that place is the best place for Weiss to recover”.

“What if… what if screw up?” Jaune asks hesitantly. He would do that. Things never go right when it comes to him. If Winter was trusting Jaune enough, she should also know what she was getting into.

“You won’t. I know you enough to know that you won’t fail”, Winter says but Jaune doesn’t look convinced enough.

“I don’t know about that, Winter. It's a huge risk we are taking here”, the knight says.

“Then how about this? With things I have going on for me right now, it would take at least a year for me to wrap up. How about you just look after her for a year, and then I will move to Ansel and take her from your hands?” Winter suggested and Jaune took a moment to go through what she had just said. A year didn’t seem long enough. But if Winter says that it would take her a year to dig up the other relics, then it would be better if he is around Weiss for that time.

“Jaune. You are the only person I trust. I beg you to take Weiss away from here. My little sister has suffered enough. I don’t want her to be in pain any longer”, Winter states with tears in her eyes, and that is something Jaune doesn’t want to see.

“Ok”, Jaune replies, which causes the white-haired woman to look at him. “I will take her with me. Just… Please don’t cry. You can rest assured that she will be cared for”, he says as the soldier moves in for a hug. It was not an intimate one. He could feel how exhausted Winter was and he could imagine how good it must have felt for her to have this weight lighten up a bit. He didn’t have anything to do in his life. He couldn’t save his friends. He couldn’t save Ruby. But if he can seek some sort of satisfaction and redemption by taking care of Weiss, then he shall take this chance.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Did you get everything you needed?” Winter asks as she walks Jaune towards the Atlesian Cargo plane.

“Yep!” Jaune says with a slightly upbeat voice.

“Your driving license?”

“In my pocket

“Weiss’ medical reports?”

“In my bag”.

“Medicines?”

“In Weiss’ bag along with her clothes and her stuff”.

“Myrtenaster?”

“Perfectly polished and in the car”.

“Crocea Mors?”

This causes Jaune to pause in his stride. He looks at the elder Schnee sister and with a deadpan expression on his face, he asks, “Winter… did you seriously expect me to forget about my weapon?”

She raises her hands in exasperation and says, “Weiss told me that while you were competent in some things, you are also absent-minded in other things”.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Weiss”, Jaune mutters to himself as both of them walk into the cargo bay where the car Winter had acquired for him was parked. It was a top-class Atlesian Military Jeep. It had some wear and tear due to its use, but otherwise, it ran like a breeze. Its tires were secured to the floor of the plane and it held a lot of spare dust in its canisters. It was not too big, but it could hold a lot of things and right now it was holding precious cargo.

Strapped to the back of the driver seat was Weiss. She was hooked up to an IV and a portable oxygen cylinder hooked into her nasal cannula. The back seats were detached and were tied to the jeep’s roof. There were a lot of things next to the sleeping beauty. A long wooden case where her weapon was carefully stored away. There was an oxygen concentrator that Jaune was supposed to set up when the portable cylinder was not in use. A bag that had her medicine and clothes. Jaune’s rucksack was next to her bag since he had too little to carry. There were some tools and spare dust in case of an emergency.

“So it’s time, huh?” Winter says as she tears up a bit she reaches out to Weiss and kisses her forehead. She then looks at Jaune and says, “Please do take care of her and yourself. I will try to finish my job as soon as possible”.

“I will hold onto that”, Jaune says with a smile as he goes in for a hug which Winter graciously returns.

“Thank goodness we are on time”, they hear Nora exclaim and they see both Ren and Nora jog into the bay.

“Hope we are not late”, Ren pantingly says.

“You guys are just in time”, Winter says with a smile, and at that moment, Nora tackles her leader into a bear hug.

“I’m going to miss you so much, fearless leader” Nora sobs, and Jaune can’t help but smile and hug her back.

“I’m gonna miss you too, Nora”, Jaune says as he lets go and then he looks at Ren and hugs him.

“Take care of Weiss and yourself, brother. Do visit us once she recovers”, Ren says with a small smile on his face.

“Sure”, was the reply Jaune gave.

“One more thing, Jaune”, Winter says, and Jaune looks at her as she carefully rummages through the sling bag she had on her. She produces two jars and looks at them lovingly with a sad expression on her face and says, “It's Mother and Whitely. I thought it would comfort Weiss a bit if they are with her”, and she hands them over to Jaune gently.

“I will take good care of them”, Jaune reassures Winter as he holds those jars as if his life depended on it.

“I know you will”, Winter says in a gentle tone, and at that moment horns go off.

At first, it startled the group, and they looked around to see how everyone was gearing up. The knight looks back at the people and says, “Well I guess it's time to go”.

“I will inform you if something happens here. Just send me an update on Weiss’ health every week”, Winter says to which the blonde nods. Then all of them engulf him in a hug. It surprised him but he couldn’t hug them back since his hands were full and he returned the gesture by craning his neck over their shoulder. They held onto each other for what felt like a minute and then they let go.

“Stay in touch”, Ren says with a smile and he drags Nora away who was waving at him madly. But Jaune knew very well how awkward Ren was. He smiles at his departing friends.

“Give me an update as soon as you reach Ansel”, says Winter.

“Sure”, Jaune replies with a smile on his face, and the white-haired woman returns in kind. She then walks away, just in time for the doors of the cargo bay to start closing. The blonde knight opens the door to the passenger seat and places the jar on it. He then looks at Weiss one last time, making sure that her ears are well covered with earbuds.

He then sits in the driver’s seat and his mind wanders. He was going to start a new chapter in his life. Weiss would be with him for a year. Till then, he would do his best to make her better and comfortable. As he felt the plane take off, he couldn’t help but get excited because Ansel was so far away.

#jaune arc #weiss schnee #nora valkyrie #lie ren #rwby whiteknight #weiss schnee x jaune arc #winter schnee #rwby #so far away au

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lostwithspace · 4 months

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@galranrepard

@lostwithspace "I see...still impressive though." Danika watched Rio's expressions. She wondered of how so many blade members were not as active as she was. The blue, white, and red galra had spent most of her life raised to fight for the cause. She couldn't imagine living a life that was different from her own. "True, and I'd like that." She actually smiled when Rio invited her to come hang out when the fellow blade wasn't busy. Danika wasn't used to letting her guard down so to speak nor socializing with many blade members that weren't busy doing training or on missions outside of her own path. Danika did pause almost spitting out her drink when Rio talked about Kolivan. She composed herself with a polite cough before setting down her now empty glass of golden apple. "I...well...Kolivan is actually my uncle so I've been raised under him pretty much all my life. My parents died on one of their missions when I was a child so Kolivan became more of less a second father to me. Most of the veteran blades like Ulaz, Thace, and Antok raised me as well. They were like family, and still are even though they've all passed on by now..." She looked down feeling vulnerable telling someone that she just met about her upbringing. Rio was kind and Danika wanted to not push him away. "So..." She looked back up after a minute over to the droid on the counter. "...I see you like tinkering with droids? What are you planning to do with this one?" Danika asked curiously. The fellow blade keeping a time still on how long she can talk before heading back to the bridge.

Chuckling into his own glass at the reaction, Rio pushed forward some napkins and moved to pour some more of the juice into Danika's cup. His natural experience dealing as a bartender already having the container back in the fridge before his visitor recovered to speak. It was then his turn to be caught off guard as he went to sit down across the table and almost missed sitting in the chair.

"I- I see." Rio stammered, fixing himself proper into the seat. He was caught between the revelation about his fellow Blades' lineage, and her confession of the loss of her family. He should do something, right? She looked sad, but she was also a close relative of the head of the entire organization. You're supposed to offer comfort, at least in these closer social situations, but to someone of her status? She was a Blade...

He raised his hand towards Danika's shoulder, to offer comfort, but hovered there unsure. When her head suddenly came up and looked towards the workstation area before he could reach out, Rio flinched back.

"Huh? Oh, that's Torval." He got up and went over to the workbench, getting away from the social awkwardness swarming his head. Kolivan's neice?

"They're a bit of a project. I've been upgrading his mechanics to be able to resist a lot more, and be able to operate in the vacuum of space. Help to do repairs on the outside when we're in flight, and could have more power under it versus my smaller spider droids."

At the mention, he tapped on the desk behind him, and a small sphere the size of a small grapefruit unfolded itself. Turning itself over, it crawled up and over to the outstretched hand and climbed up to his shoulder. Petting it on it's sensor head, he turned back at the multi-hued galra with a grin.

"More than a hobby, but doesn't quite pay the bills. You have any skill with a toolkit?"

#Rio #RP #Danika #He doesn't get to go on about his skills all that much #Better for him than talking about 'feeeelings'#XD I mean he will #He just finds it more comforting about tools #Surprise Inspection

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needtomakebetterusernames · 1 year

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William, meet Crowbar. Crowbar, meet William’s kneecaps. (Part One)

It was once again another cold, dark night outside the city limits of Hurricane, Utah. There were hardly any signs of life around the area asides from the Fazbear’s Fright horror attraction. The place was full of controversy given the gruesome history behind Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza and the sheer fact someone was trying to profit off the horrors of the events that happened. Or rumors given many believed that the horrors were mythology. However for the driver of the beaten up purple car that pulled into the parking lot, the myths were true and that this place was on it’s last night existing.

Michael Afton parked in the parking lot, his spot far away from the building as possible. Not because of the policy of employees parking in the back to give customers front parking with easy access to the building, but rather because he didn’t want his car to be damaged in case the fire was more out of control than he planned. He glanced back at the red can of gasoline in the back seat, full and sloshing with the highly flammable fuel. If he still had his organs, he’d probably be feeling the negative affects of the fumes. However, that wasn’t likely given he was the purple zombie from hell. He decided to pull down the visor and look at himself in the mirror for a moment, seeing the purple eyes with white glowing pupils in the center. Despite the purple skin and the signs of decay, he could still easily see the teenager he had been before killed and used as a skin suit by his own sister. He winced at the memory, slowly rubbing his neck for a moment along before adjusting his hair for a moment. Despite being dead, his hair hadn’t fallen out but did turn a dark black color from its original brown. Still, it could be worse. He could have turned into a walking bald skeleton and really scare the shit out of everyone even at night. Thankfully a ton of deodorant, Febreze, some taxidermy supplies and some embalming fluid helped make him look somewhat human as long as he was masked up or wearing heavy makeup. Not that he could go out in the day.

“Okay, Mike. You can do this. Just go inside, pour gasoline all over the place, spark some wires, start a fire and leave. No need to go the extra steps.” He talked to himself for a moment, giving a firm look in the mirror. Though he stared at himself for a moment, his eyes drifted to the passenger seat where a decent sized crowbar was laying. Initially the crowbar was going to be for opening the doors in case they got stuck given how rundown the place was. However the temptation to just let loose decades worth of anger onto his deadbeat of a father was growing strong by the minute. “Mike. What are you thinking?” An eerie yet familiar voice asked, causing him to look away from the crowbar to the golden plushie sitting on his dashboard. The plushies eye’s had white pupils that started at the teenaged zombie while its head tilted slightly. Mike looked at the plushie and sighed.

“Sorry, Evan. I was just thinking of wanting to just let loose on our deadbeat serial killer of a dad but given he’s trapped in the Spring Bonnie suit, I’m not sure if its a good idea to start beating him with a crowbar.” He confessed to his brother to which the plushie looked at him with a hint of questioning in its eyes. Evan Afton hadn’t passed on nor possessed Golden Freddy like that one Cassidy did. No. The boy had possessed his own plushie which lead to the two boys slowly reconciling over the years and trying to stop their father, William. It was an interesting arrangement and currently Michael was working on his own special project to give Evan a small body to move in.

“Go for his knees. Dad always had weak knees even with the suit on.” Evan replied, reminding Mike of all the times his dad complained about his knees. Originally that was due to the weight William had gained over the years prior to becoming a serial killer but after the first accident with Spring Bonnie and a change in diet, he lost all the weight but the problematic knees remained. He smirked as he gave the Golden Fredbear plushie a pat on the head.

“Alright, Evan. I think it’s time to say hello to dad and introduce him to Crowbar and Gasoline.” He replied as he grabbed the crowbar off the seat along with the gas canister before stepping out of the car. He had a lot of work to do ahead.

#fnaf #michael afton #william afton #springtrap #Michael Afton bashes in William's knee caps #Evan Afton

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catboyebooks · 1 year

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right after voting monokuma confirms they got it right, nanami's the traitor and it was she who technically killed komaeda. there's a lot of understandable distress from the group. nanami congratulates them on having gotten it right, but nobody's really in the mood for congratulations.

nanami's asked to confirm again herself if all of this is true and she says yes, but we don't get much elaboration from her. she apologizes for not having told them earlier, but says again that she was literally unable to do so. hinata still isn't sure what she's getting at when she says this stuff, and he points out that in the end she did manage to confess via alluding to being the traitor. nanami laughs at this and says he's right. in the end, she says she feels proud that she was able to protect them, and she doesn't have any regrets.

the others of course have questions about the future foundation, her involvement, etc., but even if they don't understand why they do seem to get that asking her would be pointless. although they're upset at the outcome, nobody seems angry at nanami, nor is the mood really one of betrayal. sonia outright tells her she's still their friend and they don't blame her for what happened, a sentiment nobody argues with.

kuzuryuu is the first person to question whether this case really played out the way komaeda intended. if his plan was to eliminate the traitor, isn't it weird that this case was so difficult for them to solve? they nearly didn't figure it out at all. (and in fact, the evidence needed to prove it was nanami was something komaeda couldn't have known about.) monokuma giggles at this and says they've solved it. komaeda never said his goal was to kill the traitor, because his goal was in fact the opposite. he wanted the traitor to live, and everyone else to die.

of course everyone's like "what?! why?" but nanami says it's okay, it's not wholly komaeda's fault, and he probably wouldn't have taken things so far under different circumstances. (very true, but no one knows what she means by this yet.)

monomi does attempt to take down monokuma herself here, i guess in a last-ditch effort to stop the killing game and spare nanami from execution. her strategy is basically tackling him then self-destructing, but of course every time she does so a "new copy" appears. monokuma pretends at first like this might really work, he's only got a few backup copies of himself, but then he reveals that by "a few backup copies" he meant "10^60 backup copies." this is such a shockingly large number monomi thinks he's joking at first, but monokuma insists he's not, and that he actually has more or less infinite backup copies thanks to the monokuma plushie factory running continuously. even though those are just inanimate plush toys now, any of them could be imbued with his personality and come to life, apparently. hinata thinks this sounds like bullshit, as do the others, who question whether they're really supposed to accept that magic is real. monokuma says it doesn't matter how they interpret it so long as they understand he's not bluffing, and it's clear that monomi, at the very least, takes him seriously. apparently she does have a finite number of "backup copies" herself (she has ten left, monokuma says). nanami winds up talking her down from continuing the fight.

(this sequence does serve to prove to the rest of the group that monokuma and the future foundation are indeed not on the same side. they don't know whether this means they have allies or that they're up against two different shadowy organizations, however.)

#kes plays sdr2

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maoam · 2 years

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THE POINTLESS SACRIFICE

I wrote an essay criticising Hinata’s character earlier [link] but I wanted to talk about the Pain arc and Hinata’s confession a bit more in a separate post. So you can see this as a part 2 of that post. In my opinion Hinata gets praised way too much for her actions in the Pain arc despite the fact she didn’t contribute anything and actually made things worse, solely because of her selfish feelings. As usual, if you like the character you might not like what will be said from now on. This will be tagged with anti tags so do not blame me if this somehow ends up in the normal tags, it is not my intention.

Sakura stans stay away thank you! Miss Pinky is going to be next.

When Naruto arrives, he immediately tells Tsunade to let everyone know to not interfere with his fight with Pain because they would only get in the way, since he would have to protect them at the same time while fighting. Thanks to Inoichi realising where Nagato was, they set a plan in motion to reach him and let Naruto fight Pain without distractions.

Hinata is also informed by a fellow Hyuga that she should stay put because if she goes to Naruto she is only a burden to him. She’s told clearly there is nothing she can do.

There are couple panels of Hinata observing Naruto and Pain. Naruto wasn’t in immediate danger, since Pain told him he avoided his vital organs and it is quite clear as well. Pain’s intention was to kidnap Naruto. Naruto ending up dead would take time, and by that time everyone would have far more chances to save him and defeat Nagato.

This is quite an important detail. Ko is a bodyguard of Hinata. He explains that if something were to happen to Hinata it would be his fault.

After mulling it over for a couple of pages, Hinata ends up leaving Ko and entering the battle. Despite the knowledge that Ko will be blamed and most likely punished if she gets hurt in any way Hinata still decided to charge into the middle of Naruto and Pain’s fight unprepared and knowing she’d only be in the way. She is only thinking about her own feelings and her need to act in front of Naruto. Whether Ko will be punished or Naruto forever traumatised because a comrade died in fronf of him is not a concern of hers.

Hinata directly states she knows she can’t win. Since I only ever use canon when analyzing stuff, I’m using the manga panels. The anime added a short fight between Pain and Hinata, but in the manga she was one-paneled, and she also never tried to remove the rods. Studio Pierrot has some Hinata fans so they tried to make her look better but Kishimoto wrote it differently. Naruto is rightfully mad, because she’s not wanted here, he made it clear everyone else would only be in the way.

There’s a lot of moments that show she was acting out of selfish need, but it’s even directly stated here. I’m not including all the panels here but everyone knows Hinata gives Naruto a speech here and confesses her feelings. Her village is in shambles, her comrades are out there trying to do something to save it and all she can think of are her own hormonal feelings. She’s not trying to save Naruto, since she knows there’s nothing she can do, and that she’s only going to be in the way. She has no strategy, even when she observed how Pain’s techniques worked, she does not try to create an opening, she only charges right in. She wants to confess and act in front of Naruto. She wants him to look at her, the same way as when she fought Neji and had an inner monologue about Naruto finally looking at her.

Why did she had to make this about her? Obviously, since she knew she would not win and that Pain would kill her, she didn’t even want an answer to her confession, since it would mostly likely be a rejection considering Naruto is not particularly close with Hinata. He cares for her as a comrade but they don’t spend time together nor know much about each other.

After her pointless and fruitless sacrifice, she is on the brink of death. Naruto has been doing a rather good job keeping his emotions in check, but a comrade dying in front of him drives him over the edge. Hinata’s actions not only almost killed herself, but also almost killed Naruto and the entire village. It’s only thanks to Minato’s seal that Naruto is brought under control. So Minato saved Naruto, not Hinata. It’s simply wrong to claim Hinata saved him in any way or acted selflessly. Personally I think her confession says a lot about her character, and it’s not flattering.

EDIT: made some edits to the post regarding Hinata’s bodyguard. Apparently he is supposed to be from the main family (it is never said in the manga though).

#anti hinata #anti naruhina #mp

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favoniuscodex · 3 years

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masquerade. [ diluc x reader ]

prompt: you’ve never liked people who stick their noses where they don’t belong. but, then again, you’re a hypocrite, for you fell in love with diluc ragnvindr. well, that and the fact that you’re just trying to figure out how he’s alive when you buried him three years ago. (”you’re adorable” for my 2.5k follower event) pairing: anti-hero/villain(?)!diluc / knight of favonius!f!reader warnings: mentions of death, alcohol word count: 2.2k words

a/n: stepping a bit out of my comfort zone for this one, but god, this was fun to write. my diluc favoritism shines once more fjdskfd. this feels like it should be the start of a long fic, but tbh,,, hmm ?? idk !!! would y’all be interested in that?

it was only a matter of time until you saw diluc again. surely, you hadn’t expected it to take three years, but seeing your supposedly-dead lover at a masquerade party? such theatrics were only ingrained into his bloodline. the darknight hero loved to be in the spotlight, as long as nobody knew the person behind his actions. of course, it was only in diluc ragnvindr’s nature to make his reappearance into society at one of teyvat’s biggest yearly events: fontaine’s very own moonlit masquerade, a ball intended for the likes of government officials and greedy socialites.

under normal circumstances, diluc would have been extended a proper invite, much like you had been gifted one. you, captain of a battalion of mondstadt’s finest soldiers, were high both within the ranks of teyvat’s political and social sphere. what elevated you to your highest status, however, was your former affiliation with diluc himself. you were the former fiancée of the ragnvindr heir, only having had your title severed through his rather untimely death alongside his father.

as diluc’s almost widow, you had both inherited his estate and the responsibility of burying him. which is why, of course, you nearly dropped your flute of champagne that had once rested comfortably between your fingers as an oh-so-familiar voice leaned in behind you and murmured softly into your ear.

“would you care for a dance?”

you whirled around, the golden beverage sloshing onto the ground from the sudden movement, and came face-to-face (or rather, mask-to-mask) with eyes that you had longed to see every day for the last three years. if this is some sick joke, you thought, if this karma for how i failed to protect him, then let barbatos strike me down now.

yet, no flash of green anemo energy came. rather, you were greeted by the parting of his lips to reveal a familiar set of brilliantly white teeth as the corners of his lips upturned into a devilish grin. it was unbecoming to see such a serpentine expression painting your lover’s face and it only served to form a pit in your stomach. despite the mask, you knew beyond all certainty that this was diluc ragnvindr.

but, you also knew it wasn’t your diluc ragnvindr. that diluc had died the day you buried him, even if diluc himself was standing in front of you at this very moment. rather than respond, you press your lips into a firm line as a multitude of emotions pass over you. even if you wanted to respond, you weren’t sure if you could wrack your brain for anything coherent to say. you stare silently into the eyes of diluc ragnvindr, which were once vibrant like unpicked cherries glistening in the summer sun. now, they were no warmer than the chilled wine he had once derived his fortune from.

you look at the eyes of your lover. another man stares back. as the two of you dance with the silence between you, rather than each other, diluc’s smile inevitably drops before he clears his throat.

“might we talk elsewhere?” his voice is less sultry and less playful. like a professional wine taster, you knew how to read the hints of emotion within diluc’s tone. even after years apart, you still knew how to discern the flavors that carefully interwove themselves into each syllable that fell from his lips. in this moment, the bittersweet aftertaste of vulnerability shines through.

and with that, your steely resolve breaks as you spoke your following words.

“upstairs. down the hall and to the left, there should be an empty meeting room. no nation has claimed it as their space for the evening, so it should be devoid of any people. go there, i’ll meet you there in ten minutes,” you instruct and the dumb, arrogant smile appears on diluc’s face once more as he nods at you before quietly slipping away.

you briefly consider slapping it off before he can go, but just like before, you let him slip through your fingers once more.

precisely ten minutes later, you walk into the designated meeting room, having excused yourself from an enlightening conversation with one of sumeru’s top scholars. despite the short discussion, your talking partner had been rather intriguing, but you had bigger problems to deal with. letting out a sigh before entering the room, you take note of the way diluc, who leaned against one of the walls, stands straight up upon your entrance.

at least he had that respect.

you close the door behind you and, for good measure, you lock it. as the lock clicks shut, you hear the noise of diluc unclipping his mask. you flutter your eyes shut and inhale before turning to see what you had longed to see the most over the past three years: the face of your dead fiancé. a scar mars his cheek. it is faint, but the sight of it grounds your thoughts, for you know that he is not a ghost, nor is he the man he used to be.

he has changed.

your heart leaps at the sight of the man you once loved, the only man you thought you could ever love, the man whose last name you had taken on out of honor after his death, even if the wedding plans had been cut short. but your brain scowls at the sight, wanting nothing to do with him. it screams within you, demanding attention over the way your heart beats rapidly and urges you to rush forward into your lover’s arms and hold him close.

diluc takes a step forward, but he seemingly senses your trepidation as a brief flash of uncertainty crosses over his face. he makes no move to close the distance between the two of you. neither do you. diluc parts his lips to speak, but you hold up a hand for him to stop.

“no.” you say, voice resolute. “i talk first.”

diluc visibly swallows as you unclip your mask, only to be met with your irate expression.

“three years. it has been three years. where were you?” your voice is steely and you smooth over any shakiness in your words with your anger, filling in the cracks with bitterness.

“(y/n), i’m sorry, but i-” he begins, but you take a step forward, your scowl worsening.

“cut the bullshit and answer the question i asked you, diluc.” you snap and diluc’s eyes widen, as if he’s somehow just registering that a simple apology wouldn’t be enough to immediately woo you back to his side.

“i was hiding in the inazuman countryside and i only did so becau-” he begins, but you cut him off once more.

“thank you.” you say dismissively, waving off any additional words he has to say. the corner of his lips twitch with amusement, but you elect to ignore such a thing, for the sake of your own temper. “i only have one more question. why did you come back?”

hurt mars diluc’s expression as he registers the embittered tone of your words, but, much like you, quickly smooths his own expression over to one of indifference. yet, the affection he holds for you still shines bright in his eyes. you hate it. most of all, you hate the way your stomach does backflips at the sight.

“i came back for you.” diluc confesses, finally realizing that any longer of a statement and you would have cut him off. a sharp bark of a laugh exits your lips as you stare at him.

“it’s been three years. you could have come back at any time. and yet, you waited three years. pardon me if i don’t necessarily believe you.” you scoff, turning your body slightly away from him.

“it’s always been you. i had to do this to protect you. my father and i, we discovered things that we shouldn’t and he got killed because of it. i was next. if they didn’t get me, they would have come after you first.” diluc explains. you listen to his explanation wordlessly, before glaring at him.

“who is they and what makes you think i couldn’t handle them?” you snap and diluc’s expression contorts as if he expects his next words to cause you pain.

“ordo favonius,” diluc says, voice quiet. much to his surprise, you laugh. it was the laugh he had fallen in love with, yet it is different. a shell of what it used to be. he wonders if this is what his absence did to you -- or if it is the result of his return. he’s not sure which answer is worse.

“really? really? that’s the best bullshit lie you can come up with?” you say, folding your arms over your chest as you look at him incredulously. “the knights of favonius don’t want to kill you nor your father, nor me or anyone else you might know. they’re harmless.”

“no, they’re not. they’re wolves in sheep’s clothing, you have to believe me.” there’s an unfamiliar desperation in his tone that pulls at your heartstrings, but despite his earnestness, his words still play the wrong notes. you aren’t convinced. your eyebrows scrunch in thought before you turn to look at him, eyes narrowed.

“diluc,” you begin, words cautious. “are you the one who attempted to assassinate grand master varka?”

the acting grand master had returned to mondstadt from his expedition last month. not even a week later, an assassination attempt had been made on his life. much to everyone’s surprise, the organization, especially varka himself, refused to release details about the attacker. if diluc was the attacker, then the knights were seemingly scared of revealing that he was. but... why?

doubt finally plants its seeds in your stomach, but you know you can’t make any brash decisions tonight. not now, not when you know there are good people within the organization. jean, the dandelion knight, the one whom you had cried to after diluc’s death. albedo, the calm and collected alchemist and his younger sister klee, the knights’ resident spark knight. kaeya, diluc’s own estranged brother, whom had not contested your inheritance of the ragnvindr fortune and had gone so far as to decline any amount of money you offered him as his rightful share. they were all good people. they wouldn’t stand for such corruption. would they?

no. you think. they wouldn’t. they’re not safe either.

diluc is lying. he has to be. he wouldn’t have stood idly by for the last three years if such good people were all in danger. he wouldn’t have stood by for the last three years if you were in danger. would he?

your former lover notices the way your expression alters with each new thought that passes through your mind, so he closes the distance between the two of you and places a hand on your shoulder.

“come with me, darling,” diluc pleads. you refuse to meet his eyes, knowing you’ll break if you do so. “please. i can keep us safe.”

“i can defend myself,” you snap, but your words sound hollow, as if you’re trying to convince yourself. his hand doesn’t leave your shoulder, but you make no move to shrug it off. his refusal to answer your question gives you the answer you need. “why did you try to kill him?”

“he is not the root of the problem, but he is one of the main pieces of it. i cannot explain here, but if you come with me, i can. i promise, i swear to you that i can. just... please. we don’t have much time, they’ll notice your absence from the party soon.”

hadn’t he also promised to love you? love does not mean abandoning me for three years, you think bitterly, yet your heart urges you to listen to your lover. you take a step back and diluc’s hand falls to his side. you finally meet his eyes with your own cold gaze. the warmth of his pyro vision that courses through him does nothing to soften their iciness. diluc’s expression is no longer stoic. he looks tired and utterly devastated by your rejection.

“you are as beautiful as you were the day we met,” diluc begins and you tear your gaze from him, unable to keep your eyes fixated on him any longer. “archons, even when you are angry with me, you are adorable. i lov-”

“don’t.” you murmur, finally turning away from him. “don’t say that.”

you walk over to the door, hand hovering over the handle. you stand there for a few moments and the silence between diluc and you is nearly suffocating. tears brim at the corners of your eyes, yet you reapply your masquerade mask to hide them from any partygoers. you let out a soft sigh.

“five days. meet me in mondstadt in five days. as to whether or not i’ll go with you, i’ll give you my answer then,” you murmur, before slamming your hand down on the handle and exiting the room at a brisk pace, head held high. five days of mourning was all you had been given in the first place. it is only fitting that you give him the same time period.

#not beta read btw just giving y'all a heads up #diluc x reader #genshin impact x reader #diluc #genshin impact

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miekasa · 3 years

Text

fluff alphabet: eren jaeger

↯ pairing: eren jaeger x (fem) reader

↯ genres and warnings: modern au, more fluff but that’s what you come here for at this point

↯ word count: 3.5k… again… i’m sorry…?

↯ notes: i don’t know why all of these are so long, but here you go again

Activities — What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Honestly, anything. I’ve said before that I think the love language he gives/expresses the most is quality time. That being said, almost anything you want to do, Eren is down to do with you.

In fact, you don’t even have to do anything. Eren just likes being in your presence. He could spend several days inside your apartment doing nothing but talking to you.

He does get a little antsy sometimes, so he would plan fun dates to get you both out of the house; but again, if you wanted to plan something instead of him, he wouldn’t be opposed.

Takes you to places like amusement parks and fairs, bars/new restaurants, swimming, basically anything he can find. His guilty pleasure is karaoke, and insists that the both of you get drunk and sing your little hearts out to pop songs until 1am.

Beauty — What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Eren thinks you’re pretty. All the time, and he makes it a point to tell you at least twice a day; often times, more.

If you have small/specific beauty marks or scars or anything on your skin, Eren is infatuated with them. Whenever you’re cuddling he’ll seek them out/trace them/kiss them.

Everytime he finds a new one he gasps like a child and is like “Babe! Did you know you have a little freckle here, look!”

If you have a passion for something, or are just general a pretty organized student, Eren would admire that about you. He somewhat looks up to you in those respects, too.

Comfort — How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack, etc.?

To him, the best method is to give you something to do—so, in a sense, provide a distraction for you.

He’ll try and teach you about his favorite video games and have you play with him. Even if you’re bad or you say you don’t want to, he’ll insist, and use teaching you as a method to get your mind off of whatever’s bothering you.

He’s not always the most perceptive, but he can tell when you’re sadder than usual, or obviously, when you’re upset.

He also gives good hugs. If all else fails and he feels like he can’t help you in any other tangible way, he’ll just hug you for as long as he can.

Dreams — How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Honestly, how ever you picture things, is how ever Eren is going to picture them, too. Mostly, he just wants to have fun with you, and wants to continue making you happy for as long as he can.

His biggest goal is that one day he wants to feel truly worthy of all the affection you give him; he wants to be good enough to be someone you choose to stay with.

Equal — Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Eren kind of falls for/into those “traditional” relationship roles; and while part of it is definitely an “I’m the man, so I want to do this” mindset, most of it is kind of “Well, why wouldn’t I?”

A lot of Eren’s affection and actions come from a place that seem simple and almost instinctual to him; and he doesn’t even realize how profound his thoughts and actions can be.

For example, he’ll help you carry things or drive you around or open doors for you. All things that seem chivalrous and might be expected of a “man,” but to Eren they’re just things to do, if that makes sense?

He doesn’t do it because he thinks you’re not capable, nor to be particularly chivalrous. In his head, he’s thinking “I care about them, so obviously, I’m going to help them out.”

Fight — Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Disagreements may happen because Eren is very vocal about his opinions on things. That doesn’t mean that he’s not open to change, but you might find out you don’t agree to many things because he’ll voice his opinion on them.

Whenever you do argue, he makes the argument a lot worse in his mind than what’s actually going on. He tends to jump the gun a lot and make assumptions that you wouldn’t have gotten to yourself.

He might simmer and wallow in it for a little bit afterwards (especially if he thinks he was right), but after some time he would either see the light himself, have it knocked into him by Armin, or just not want to keep fighting with you. Even if he was right, he doesn’t want to waste time being mad about something that could be easily talked about.

Gratitude — How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Eren gets very easily flustered when he understands how much thought you put into things about/for him. Especially gifts—because he couldn’t fathom the idea of someone getting something tailored to him.

So, he’s very grateful. He almost thinks he’s undeserving of you and your affections to a certain point. Especially in moments when he’s hyperaware of just how much he means to you.

Honesty — Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

He might have personal secrets and insecurities he doesn’t voice often because they can be hard to reckon with himself; but nothing scandalous that he’s keeping hidden.

He’s kind of an oversharer to be honest lolol. He doesn’t keep the things he’s doing/has done to himself, and is more than willing to tell you about his day, or his plans, or just anything.

If it’s something serious, he might sit on it for a while before coming clean to you, but he would eventually. He would just need the time to figure it out for himself first.

Inspiration — Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Being in a long-term relationship has taught Eren so much about how other people see him and his self-worth.

He either didn’t think much of himself as a whole person before; or thought his life and plans were kind of… dispensable to a certain extent. He didn’t necessarily feel like he needed to want anything bigger than himself, or for anyone but himself; but now he knows that that’s a path to fulfillment; and he knows he wants you.

It’s also taught him the importance of expressing himself in words. He was always good at it with actions, and he’s still not the best with his words, but he’s getting there. And it’s now a conscious effort on his part.

Jealousy — Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

He can get jealous easily, but he doesn’t do anything about it a lot of the time. He knows that most of his feelings of jealous are surface level and petty, and he shouldn’t make an argument out of it.

When he gets jealous like that though—of someone maybe coming on to you at a party or a restaurant—the most he does is, like, obnoxiously clear his throat or roll his eyes, or just glare at the offending person. His glare is pretty effective honestly; most of the time it keeps people from approaching in the first place, and they say preventive measures are the best cure.

When you’re both home, he’s extra affectionate, and pouty about how he thinks everyone should just back off because he’s your boyfriend and the best boyfriend for you.

He actually gets a little upset if you don’t get a little bit jealous when people are obviously flirting with him. He would kind of like it if you had a light possessive instinct over him… it might turn him on a bit, too.

Kiss — Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

He is very enthusiastic, and never turns down an opportunity to kiss you. Over time his kisses become more refined; that is more tailored to kissing you and not just kissing someone in general. Practice makes perfect, after all.

He was probably nervous as fuck during the first kiss, but played it off (or at least tried to). Likely very sweet and cautious; a series of small kisses that build up to something a little fuller.

Love Confession — How would they confess to their s/o?

He has a moment of realization. Like, a pretty big one; he either got there himself, or one of his friends said something like “Eren, don’t you… like them?”

When he has that moment, he either sits on it for a very, very, very long time; or just blurts it out at you because he can’t keep it in any more.

If you’re friends before hand, he would consider the possibilities of a relationship with you, but he already knows he likes being around you; and he would probably love being in a relationship with you because of that.

Marriage — Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

It can go either way with him. He could love the idea of marriage—because it’s like hanging out with your very best friend every single day. You get to live together, everybody knows you’re together, and you just get to spend the rest of your lives together. That sounds like a pretty sweet deal to him.

Or he could think it’s kind of a meh idea. He knows he loves you and he knows you love him, he doesn’t see why he would need to host what’s basically an expensive party and ceremony to show all of your close friends that. They should already know. But if you want to get married and have a fancy wedding, who is Eren to deny you that.

He seems like the type to fuck up his proposal a bunch of times and then eventually snap like “Fuck this—I love you, and I want to love you for the rest of my life, please marry me.”

Nicknames — What do they call their s/o?

He calls you “babe” more often than anything else.

When he’s drunk or just wanted to distract/annoy you, he’ll call you something super dramatic and sweet like “my little sugarplum” just to get a reaction out of you.

He has a slight possessive streak, so he also likes to call you his girl.

On Cloud Nine — What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

He expresses his feelings mostly through spending time with you, but also by being your personal hype man. Eren is willing to support you and all of your ambitions, and might cheer a little too loudly for you on the sidelines, but at least you know he cares.

It’s quite obvious that Eren is in love, maybe not necessarily because he has heart eyes; but because he has this focus on improving himself. It would also be obvious in the way he talks about you to his friends and family. He might not even realize how often he slips your name into conversation, or adds tidbits about you when someone says something that reminds him of you.

He talks to his mom about you a lot, and she always has to hold back her little All-Knowing Mom Smirk because her baby is in love and she’s so happy for him.

PDA — Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss when others are watching?

It’s a complicated dynamic with Eren. He wants everyone to know he has a hot girlfriend, but also doesn’t want people talking about his relationship lmaooo. He’s both reserved and not-shy about it at the same time.

He’s not all that big on PDA, and would never kiss you in front of his friends because he knows he can be easily embarrassed (not embarrassed to be with you, but shy to do those kinds of things in front of his friends and get teased for it). Besides, he wouldn’t want any of his friends making out with their s/o in front of him.

He’ll hold your hand a lot though—but, again, to him, it’s not a conscious act of romance; he’s holding your hand because he wants to and he doesn’t realize that he wants to because he’s craving affection. He’s a little slow on the uptake with his own feelings; but he’s a lot quicker with actions.

He does kind of like it when you kiss him on the cheek, though. And if it’s been a long night of you and his friends hanging out together, he doesn’t mind if you get a little touchy with him when you’re sleepy.

Quirk — Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

He’s really good at guessing when public transportation is going to come LMAOO. Like, yes, there’s a schedule for it, but he’s scary good at predicting how late/early it’s going to be which minimizes wait times. Eren doesn’t wait for the bus, the bus comes to Eren.

He’s also a pretty good photographer and has an eye for angles, so he’s good at taking pictures for you and of you when you’re out on dates. He’s also good at photographing food, and even though he thinks it’s pointless he’ll still do it for you.

Romance — How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He’s a balance of cliché and creative—it depends on the occasion.

For things like Valentine’s Day or anniversaries, he’ll probably go the classic, cliché route of getting you flowers and stuffed animals if you’re into that kind of thing.

But when it comes to birthdays, he can get very creative and thinks about your gift for a long time. Again, in his head it’s not romance, it’s just him doing what he thinks is right, but it turns out to be pretty damn romantic.

Support — Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Of course he believes in you! You helped him believe in himself, so obviously he’s going to want to help you do the same thing and support you while he’s at it.

This is one area where Eren never gets jealous—he always wants you to achieve your goals, and never compares your progress to him. He just wants you to be happy and will do what he can to help.

He gets a little frustrated if he can’t help you at all, but understands that maybe just moral and emotional support might be enough in those situations.

Thrill — Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

He’s a little (very) unhinged, so he’s always down to try something new. He’s the kind of person who will take you bungee jumping on a date because it’s “fun” and “exciting.” Eren knows no boundaries, so very few things and experiences are off-limits to him.

He would like some kind a routine/established roles, but he’s always down to experiment. If he ends up not liking it, then so be it, but at least he can say he tried.

Understanding — How good to they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He knows you better than he thinks he does. He thinks about you a lot, especially when it comes to holidays/birthdays/gift giving and can get frustrated when he doesn’t find an answer right away, but he always pulls through in the end.

He kind of expects to know everything about you very quickly, which leads to obvious frustration. But over time, he learns almost everything he wants to know and then some; even if he isn’t the best at showing that he’s retained that information on a daily basis.

He needs someone to be empathetic towards him more than the other way around, but Eren would try hard to put himself in your shoes if you needed him to.

Value — How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

It’s very important to him, dare he say one of his top priorities.

Eren cares about people deeply, and you couldn’t be in a long-term relationship with him without him making you his business. Your relationship is special to him, and he wants to do his best to keep it going.

It might even come at the cost of some of his other obligations/relationships at first because he’s new to balancing life personal life and relationship; but over time he learns to balance things out. You’re still pretty damn high on his priority list, though.

Wild Card — A random fluff head canon.

Takes pictures and videos of you while you’re sleeping or falling asleep, and stitches them all together on your birthday and posts it to his story. Every single year without fail.

Got you both customized matching sneakers and gets stupidly giddy when you both wear them at the same time. He takes a billion pictures when you have them on.

Got you a nameplate anklet with his gamertag on it. Not so fluffy, but he really likes the way it looks on his shoulder 😌

XOXO — Are they ver affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Absolutely, he’s like an overgrown puppy on two legs, Eren loves to cuddle. He’s all over you, and very weak for any kind of affection when the two of you are alone.

He gets upset if you don’t sit directly next to (or on top of him) when you sit on the couch, and pouts about it before flopping on top of you instead.

His first move when he goes to your place or you come over is to wrap you in a hug, and he doesn’t let go for at least a full minute. And even then, he’ll probably waddle behind you in a back hug for a significant amount of time, or until you’re ready to lay down.

King of giving forehead kisses and bumping his nose against yours before his kisses your lips. He’s a sucker for all of it, no matter how much he plays it off when he’s around his friends.

Yearning — How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Simple: he will call you as many times as possible so as to make it feel like you never even left.

FaceTime is the most used app in Eren’s phone. If you’re away from him for a period of time, he’ll find any excuse to call you and see you, and he gets extra bold when flirting with you.

He also likes to steal your clothes/jewelry. He might put on one of your necklaces or chains or steal one of your bigger/more oversizes hoodies if you have them. Puts his big ass feet in your house slippers.

He sends you pictures of him in all your stuff too, claiming that if you want them back, then you should come see him to get them.

Zeal — Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?

He definitely is. In a modern au, again, I’m not sure what kind of great lengths they are to go to, but Eren will fight for you.

Even before you’re together, he’ll show you how dedicated he is to you and wanting to be with you.

Then, I suppose, his loyalty is his greatest display of zeal. Eren lets you know how dedicated he is to you and making your relationship work; and tries to prove it you (and himself a little bit) every day.

#aot x reader #snk x reader #eren x reader #eren x you #eren jaeger x reader #aot imagines #snk imagines #eren smut #eren fluff #levi x reader

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whispersatdawn · 3 years

Photo

on the rebound | jeong jaehyun social media!au | part 8

↳ In an attempt to finally move on from his ex-girlfriend, basketball star Jeong Jaehyun reaches out to Y/N, who he knows has a crush on him.

prev | next || masterlist

a/n: i wasn’t gonna include a written part, but here we are

word count: ~3k

This... feels strange, you thought mindlessly to yourself, as your gaze fixed on the boy seated next to you. He was busy on his phone taking photos of the fading sunset that he barely noticed you staring, which you were quite thankful for because it allowed you to take a look at him just a little longer.

There was no denying that Jaehyun was attractive. To be honest, his beautiful features slightly intimidated you. When his perfectly shaped brows raised in surprise. Or when his dreamy dark brown eyes looked like he was trying to figure someone out. You especially liked it when Jaehyun smiled or laughed. You were confident Jaehyun’s dimples were the culprits of stealing many people’s hearts; those cheek indentations were truly fatal. However, for you, it was simply the occasional, cute nose scrunch. Unlike the dimples, the latter came and went quickly, but it still had an impact all the same.

Despite having been on few casual dates with Jaehyun in the past week, it was difficult to wrap your head around the time spent together, especially since the past two years consisted of you pining over him, after missing the opportunity to act on your feelings and confess to him.

Two Years Ago (First year of college)

"We should rent an apartment and be roommates next semester!”

Your eyes widened at Sujin’s suggestion. “All four of us?” you asked, swiftly spinning your finger once to point at yourself as well as the group seated around you. It was a clear day, so after class, you had a picnic with your friends at the university quad. “My parents helped me pay for campus room and board this year. I don’t know if my part-time job at the fitness center can afford rent.”

After meeting Sujin at the freshman orientation and running into Ten and Johnny in line at a food stand during the school organizations event, you had never had more fun nor felt more comfortable with anyone than you did with them. You remembered studying for hours often with Sujin since you both were biology majors and shared some courses. There was also the time when you attended the university dance team’s fall show and watched Ten’s first solo performance. Of course, though you almost always refrained from physical altercation, you could never forget the day you confronted Johnny’s ex-girlfriend at a party after she cheated on him and showed no remorse, which resulted in hair-pulling as well as Sujin and Ten dragging you out before further troubles. With what you all had gotten through together, there was no doubt that you considered the three to be your closest friends.

“Aren’t you going to apply for the research position with Dr. Kim? I’m sure it pays more,” Sujin said before taking a bite out of her sandwich.

“That’s the plan, but she hasn’t opened applications yet, so I just have to wait,” you sighed, laying down Johnny’s lap. “I think it’ll be fun to live together though!”

“I’ve actually been thinking about living off campus, too,” Ten said, grinning, “so you’d all be saving me from looking for roommates. I’m in.”

“Johnny?” you asked in a sing-song voice, looking up at the handsome male, waiting for his response. You opened your mouth as Johnny fed you a grape and then he leaned back, probably considering the idea.

“Hm... if I say yes, can I bring people over to spend the night?”

You grimaced at him before sitting back up right away while Johnny let out a laugh due to your reaction. “No thanks for the image,” you deadpanned, “though I guess it’d be cruel to deprive you of sex. We’ll all need to obviously talk more about housing and details later...”

“Y/N, behind you! He’s here.”

You instantly froze after Sujin’s announcement. “He’s here?” you mouthed, heart rate picking up, and Sujin confirmed with an eager nod. Pushing the conversation with your friends to the side, your ears were now focused on the sounds behind you. Multiple shoes against pavement. A ball dribbling. Familiar as well as unfamiliar voices chattering. When you tried to discreetly turn around, you found some members of the basketball team on the open court. You immediately spotted Jeong Jaehyun, casually wearing a black hoodie and maroon basketball shorts, playfully shoving a teammate after a teasing remark.

“Oh my god, how did he get even hotter after Spring Break?!” you muttered before turning back to your friends.

Johnny scoffed jokingly. “Hey, hey, keep it in your pants.”

“Also, aren’t you forgetting something?” Ten asked you, nudging his head back to the basketball court.

Oh. Right.

The actual reason you coincidentally (not) picked this day for a picnic at the same time Jaehyun and his friends played basketball.

You and Jaehyun took a Calculus class together the previous semester, and in a room with a little more than 100 seats, you ended up sitting next to Jaehyun. The two of you barely exchanged much words other than when one of you had questions about assignments, but you could not help but be drawn to him anyway. And although he did not have to talk to you outside of class, you always appreciated his greetings whenever you ran into each other at parties or after his basketball games. You thought your feelings were just a temporary infatuation, but your crush only seemed to grow after months, so you made a vow. After Spring Break, you would ask Jaehyun out.

However, now that you saw Jaehyun standing a few feet across from you, you felt like you were going to throw up. You wanted to back out. Abort. “Oh, look at the time!” you laughed nervously, pointing at your wrist that was definitely not wearing a watch. “I forgot I have to study for an exam tomorrow.”

You started to stand up, but Ten yanked you back down to the ground right away, causing you to land on your butt. “Nuh-uh. Don’t think so. Hey, Yuta!”

You shot a look at Ten, sending a quick telepathic message along the lines of Are you fucking serious? before turning back to everyone on the court. Almost all of the guys faced the direction of your group after hearing Yuta’s name called. You found Yuta who waved once he spotted you and your friends. I guess I’m doing this, you thought to yourself, breathing deeply and then mustering the biggest smile you could in that moment.

“Good luck, babe,” Sujin cheered as soon as you stood up and started to walk towards Yuta. The group had already dispersed to different parts of the court, ready to start a game.

“Is there a reason why you texted me if I would be out at the quad today?” Yuta asked as you ran into his arms for a quick hug.

You pulled away and then playfully punched his arm. “Maybe there’s just something about you playing basketball that makes me swoon,” you said, batting your eyelashes at him.

Yuta rolled his eyes, punching your arm back lightly. “Please. I can assure you that from middle to high school, when your parents worked, you had to wait after my practices so my dad could take us home. You’ve definitely used the word miserable to describe it.”

“Okay, but it’s obvious that my presence at your practices have made you into who you are today, right? This university has to thank me for their best shooting guard.”

Yuta grinned. “Alright, just tell me what you want.”

You hummed, rocking back and forth on your feet as you glanced around for the one who has been on your mind. “I actually wanted to talk to Jaehyun.”

“Jeong Jaehyun?”

You nodded your head. Yuta leaned closer, eyes narrowing as if he was trying to assess you. After a second, your friend straightened back up and called for his teammate. “Jaehyun!”

Jaehyun stopped his conversation with another player and turned his attention to you and Yuta, slightly confused, but he walked over to you both. “What’s up?” Jaehyun questioned, catching a quick glimpse of you.

“Y/N wanted to talk to you, so I’ll leave you two to it,” Yuta explained, ruffling your hair as a goodbye before he left you alone with Jaehyun.

You let out a nervous laugh, fixing your hair. It was now or never. With the close distance between you two, you got a whiff of Jaehyun’s cologne—wood, also kind of spicy. “Hey, Y/N. Sucks we don’t have a class together this semester.”

“Yeah, sucks. How was your break?”

Jaehyun shrugged. “I went to Cabo.”

You paused. “Oh.” The wealthy be different. “Cabo. Must’ve been a hell of a time. I thought Haeun’s pool party was something. Not even close.”

"Yeah, Cabo was a great time. So... what did you need to tell me?”

“What?”

“Um, you said you wanted to talk?”

“Oh!” you exclaimed, feeling shy after remembering why you were there in the first place. Your eyes shifted to your shoes, unable to keep eye contact with the boy in front of you. Nervousness as well as excitement rushed through you, and your body felt like it was tingling. It kind of scared you what his reaction would be, but it was what it was. The worse he could say was no. “About that. I—”

“Jaehyun!”

Suddenly, a feminine voice called out his name. You whipped your head around to find a girl with a black long bob and bangs waving excitedly to Jaehyun and then running straight into his open arms. You took a minute to process what was happening. Your first thought was that she was very pretty. Her makeup suited her, especially the burgundy red lip tint. Her body also fitted well in her white tank top and black skinny jeans.

“Hey, babe. What’re you doing here? I thought you were working on your journalism project,” Jaehyun said, happiness evident through the way his face lit up, smiling in a way you had never seen Jaehyun smile before. Arms still around the girl, Jaehyun leaned down to give her a peck on the lips. You quickly averted your eyes, feeling as if you were intruding on the intimate moment.

“Yeah, but I missed you, so I decided to take a break and hang out with you,” the girl answered in the sweetest tone as she pulled away from Jaehyun. She then looked over at you as if she noticed you for the first time. “Who’s this?”

“This is—”

“I was just leaving,” you interrupted.

Jaehyun brows furrowed. “Wait, I thought—”

“Ah, don’t worry about it,” you said a little too quickly, waving your hand dismissively. “It was nothing important. I had a question, but the answer just popped into my head, haha. I, uh, actually have a thing, so I’m gonna go now. Yeah. Thanks, Jaehyun. And nice meeting you—”

“Hyejin.”

“Hyejin. Nice meeting you, Hyejin. Okay, bye!”

You spun around, and your feet picked up pace as you walked away from the basketball court, out the quad, towards the direction of the dorm. Your phone vibrated in your back pocket, likely a call from one of your friends, but you could not help but feel slightly embarrassed after the incident. The last thing you wanted to do was talk about it.

Babe. Definitely way worse than being rejected.

End of Flashback

When you snapped out of your thoughts, you realized that Jaehyun was now staring back at you, with those captivating eyes that sought for answers. “Y/N?” he called out softly.

You felt your cheeks grow warm, slightly flustered that you zoned out while looking at him. “Y-Yeah?” Shit, you cursed to yourself after you choked on the reply, and you cleared your throat before answering more clearly. “Yeah?”

Jaehyun leaned back and chuckled. “I just wanted to let you know I really appreciate you coming to the basketball games again. It’s nice seeing your face in the crowd.”

You smiled. “Of course. None of my roomies except Ten really enjoy watching basketball, but he’s been busy and it’s been fun attending with Mark and Lucas. Also, don’t tell Yuta but I think I gradually started to like basketball because of him. Watching him for so many years, I can’t help but get into it when I see him find so much delight in the sport. He’s insane on the court.”

When you caught Jaehyun’s pout, you let out a laugh. He wanted his ego fed for sure. “I mean, obviously, he’s nothing compared to you, Captain. Come on now.”

“Obviously,” Jaehyun replied, giving you a smug look. Then for some reason, in a few seconds, you caught his expression when his smirk fell. “You know, my ex,” Jaehyun started, absentmindedly grasping at the sand under his hand and letting them fall through his fingers, “she never really attended my games.”

As the sun was about to fully disappear, you heard the sound of thunder rumble in the sky. Looking up, you noticed that dark clouds started to roll in. Was it supposed to rain today, you wondered. “Hyejin?” you asked, returning your attention to Jaehyun. He nodded. Since he brought her up, you might as well have asked your questions and got them over with now. “If it’s okay, can I ask what happened between you two?”

Silence settled between you and Jaehyun when he did not answer right away, which made you feel bad because you did not want to open those wounds again. Another wave of thunder roared. You two would have to return back home soon. You were about to try and change the topic, but Jaehyun spoke first. “She said that the way I loved her bored her. I don’t know. Something about how I always agreed with her and that I never confronted other guys when I felt jealous. Or when I didn’t argue with her, it felt like I didn’t care at all.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” You did not know what else to say. Breakups were hard. Before you realized, your hand reached over to Jaehyun’s, and you placed yours over his, squeezing it softly. “It’s not place to say... but she didn’t deserve you.”

Jaehyun turned his hand over so that his palm held yours, squeezing back. His lips stretched into a small smile. “Thank you, Y/N.”

You then felt a droplet of water tap on your leg. Then the top of your head. Then your cheek. Suddenly, the pitter patter of the rain became louder as it hit the sand and water. You and Jaehyun looked at each, mouth opened in awe at such misfortune, before the both of you bursted into a fit of laughter. “Wait, did you not check the weather before planning this?!” you exclaimed to Jaehyun with a huge grin on your face as you jumped up, barely covering yourself with your hands above your head.

“Listen,” Jaehyun explained as he also stood up, grabbing the jacket that he brought with him. “did you not check the weather?”

You were not sure if the rush your body felt was due to the unforeseen weather or the way Jaehyun stared at you like he was waiting for you to make a move. With your adrenaline and curiosity, you stepped closer to him. “Are you seriously trying to blame this on your date right now, Jeong Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun leaned closer to your face. You sucked in a breath, aware of the lack of space between you two. Jaehyun took his jacket and covered the top of your head to protect as best as he could from the rain. You grabbed the outerwear, but Jaehyun’s grasp was also still on the jacket. Despite the rain drenching Jaehyun from head to toe, a smile remained on his face. “I’m sorry. You’re right. This was my bad. How can I make it up to you?” Jaehyun asked as his eyes fell onto your lips before looking up to read your eyes. His lips pressed together, and his next question almost turned you into a puddle. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes.” It was all Jaehyun needed to hear to release his hold on the jacket and moved his hands to cup your face. Jaehyun’s lips brushed against yours. Soft. His lips were soft. You smelled the familiar scent of his cologne, and it made you even dizzier as you continued to kiss Jaehyun, letting the blossoming warmth consume you. You could not help but smile into the kiss, and when his tongue pressed between your lips, you started to part your lips for him until a loud crack of thunder struck in the sky, prompting you both to pull away from each other.

“As much as I’d like to keep going, I think I should get you home before you catch a cold,” Jaehyun said with a chuckle.

Like a gentleman, Jaehyun walked you all the way to your front door. Though you offered Jaehyun shelter from the rain inside your apartment, he declined, assuring you that his fraternity house was not too far from your place. “Really sorry we couldn’t get that fancy dinner,” Jaehyun apologized. “I knew you were looking forward to that the most.”

You shook your head, reassuring him with a smile. “No worries. I had such an amazing time, Jae.”

He leaned in to give you a quick peck on the lips. “Next time. Now get inside and change into some dry clothes. I’ll text you later.”

“Drive safe,” you told him, and he nodded. As soon as Jaehyun walked away from you, you grabbed your key and unlocked the door to your apartment, calling out to your roommates. “I’m home!”

Sujin was the first one to greet you in the living room. Her eyes widened when she spotted you in your wet clothes, droplets of water dripping from your hair to the tiled floor. “Geez, Y/N! I thought you two were just going to watch the sunset, not get into the water fully clothed.”

You playfully rolled your eyes and passed by Sujin to get to your room. After you closed the door, you ran to your bed and plopped on the mattress, not even bothering to change out of your clothes right away. You unlocked your phone and opened Instagram to view the most recent photos of you and Jaehyun from today, recalling the event that occurred hours ago. Today really happened. Jaehyun kissed me.

taglist: @fluffyjaes @hwangful @seeking-faces @urlocalnctstan @justineasian @127-jaehyun @dearjaehyxn @taesty-jams @jeneyesmile @taeiluv127 @mango-bear @marklexleaf @generantionct @tyxsaturn @247byun @yourchasingsunsetslove @ajhdr @jaeficrecs @bitchenderyy @thorscrown @leaurcitee @erisxczenie @minavenue @phoenixes-and-wizards @renjunf00ls @notminniie @sanisms @sunflowerhae @smileyyuta @ohmy-fandoms @artfulbarnes @anotherfullsun @moons00 @nctlovesme @unmanageable-day @raywishii @thejungjaehyun @venusprada @doyobun @nshitae @andrea-chanel @llamabouquet

#nct social au #nct social media au #jaehyun social media au #jung jaehyun #jung yoonoh #nct #jaehyun au #jaehyun angst #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun x y/n #jaehyun x reader #nct aus #nct angst #nct imagines #nct scenarios #jaehyun fluff #nct fluff #on the rebound

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umbralstars · 3 years

Text

General Info

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Bisexual

Race: Human

Ethnicity: Faerghal

Age: 21 (Academy); 26 (War)

Birthday: 12th day of the Etheral Moon, IY 1159

Height: 6'2

Family:

- Rufus Cassius Blaiddyd

- Darya Artemi (deceased)

- Katya Artemi Blaiddyd

- Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd

- Others not listed

Crest: Major Crest of Blaiddyd

Starting Class: Mage

(More info below!)

Basic Backstory

Emyr was born to Grand Duke Rufus Blaiddyd and Dutchess Consort Darya Artemi in 1159.

While not the oldest of Rufus' children, due to his mother rising to the status as Dutchess Consort, and his bearing of a major Crest, Emyr was named by Rufus to be his hier to the Grand Dutchy of Itha. In his youth, Emyr devoted himself to his studies especially in the realms of magic, natural science, law, poetry, and other pursuits. However, he was rather isolated as a child because of his status as the favored and made little connections among his half siblings (if he even knew them). He always had a rather combative relationship with his father, who's expectations Emyr felt he could never reach or satisfy. His relationship with his mother fared better for the little time he had her as she would pass away when giving birth to Katya when he was 8.

As he got older, he began sneaking out of the palace to cause havoc with the local kids much to his fathers' chagrin. His closest relationship by far is with his younger sister who Emyr would do practically anything for. Part of him had wished to simply give up his status as hier for years because he felt it was more a strain on his life than a boon, but he didn't want to abandon Itha or Faerghus so he remained. He knew his Uncle Lambert scarcely, but always respected and looked up to him far more than he did his own father.

Emyr's life was completely changed by the Tragedy of Duscur in 1176 when he was 17. When news of the tragedy reached Itha, Emyr made the choice to leave Faerghus all together with his younger sister in tow. A combination of fear for his own and Katya's safety, Rufus going to assume the throne as regent, accusations of his father potentially being involved, rumors of Rufus' desire to potentially replace Dimitri with his own son going back years all lead to him deciding to simply vanish. He does consider it to be a cowardly action on his part, but after he ran there was no going back.

He would meet Jeralt and his mercenary company in Remire while on his was to Abyss (originally he had planned to just go to Garreg Mach but rumors of the under city seemed trustworthy enough). He was able to prove himself a capable fighter when he assisted the company in a job near the area and officially joined them after that. He grew close to Byleth as the two were barely months a part in age. While their relationship seems somewhat combative on the outside the two do enjoy being around each other. He remains a member of the company by the start of the game and goes with them to Garreg Mach in 1180.

Emyr is a skilled fighter who prefers magic and bow due to his propensity to break other weapons.

Basic Personality

Rational - Emyr is a rather rational and pragmatic person at his core. He doesn't like to be uninformed on a subject or situation nor go into something using only half-baked assumptions. He cares a great deal for the truth and places great respect in honest people.

Independent - Doesn't like to conform to social expectations and always strives to do things his own way. If rules and conventions are standing in the way of his success, rules and conventions be damned.

Determined - Extremely goal oriented. He can dedicate himself to mastering specific subjects or skills if he feels he's lacking in an area or another. Rather ambitious and passionate when an idea or movement captures him.

Curious - Strong desire to learn everything he can and open minded to new ideas as long as said ideas are based on strong logic. Enjoys finding new hobbies or goals to explore just so he can keep learning.

Combative - Do not try to get him to follow anything or anyone blindly. Can be rather blasé and sarcastic towards others which can cause offense even if he doesn't mean to. He will defend his ideals and principles relentlessly and has to be proven conclusively wrong to budge. He does apologize when he realizes he has overstepped and reflects to make sure he doesn't breach boundaries again.

Humble - Doesn't treat people as being lower than him and is respectful towards his elders (not his father however). Feels that he always has much to learn and will take sound advice from wherever he can get it.

Loyal and Dedicated - Emyr does really care about the friends and family and is fiercely protective of them. He'll leverage his social position to help others if the option is available. When he says he'll do something he will keep his word.

Likes: Poetry, nature, his homeland, learning, combat, high-quality weapons, hunting

Dislikes: His father, deception, gossip, bitter foods, people who treat others as if they're lesser

Other Notes

He's a brunette with blue eyes. His eyes are the same Blaiddyd Blue as Dimitri's cause of his Crest.

Doesn't like Axes or Brawling because he feels he can't control his strength when doing using either of those weapons. Heavy Armor makes his feel too constricted so he prefers much lighter armors.

Does regret abandoning Dimitri after the Tragedy especially after seeing how much everything affected his cousin. Actively avoids Dimitri for awhile at the monastery before finally confessing the truth at some point before the war begins.

Will be aligned with Faerghus no matter the route. Straight up will not join on CF and will die during the route if not spared by Byleth. Becomes the Grand Duke of Itha in Azure Moon post-war and helps Dimitri with his reforms.

Actually religious but not in the way you think. Prefers to follow older Faerghal polytheisic beliefs after connecting with them as a teenager and talking with Mhara.

Spars with Byleth to get better with his swordsmanship. Goes about as well as you think, but he's gotten better at controlling his Crest thanks to Byleth not reacting poorly to broken weapons.

He really does mellow out and change because of the war, but I haven't figured out how yet.

Hiding his name and dropped the "Blaiddyd" part all together. Only starts using it again during war phase.

On Azure Moon he has to hide in Abyss due to Cornelia tracking down the rest of the Blaiddyds. He sends Katya to Derdriu with Arash and tells them to flee to Almyra if the situation grows more dire. He's organizing a rebellion against Cornelia and the Empire when Byleth awakens.

#fe3h oc #fe3h #fire emblem #fire emblem oc #emyr artemi blaiddyd #jeralt's mercenaries #blaiddyd bastards #i believe that's the tag for this specific flavor of oc #behold it is he!#the first of many and the one who's grabbed me and refuses to let me go #still trying to figure him out #but i like what i got going and really wanted to post him #stars draws #my art

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renegadewangs · 3 years

Text

Van Zieks - the Examination, part 11

Warnings: SPOILERS for The Great Ace Attorney: Chronicles. Additional warning for racist sentiments uttered by fictional characters (and screencaps to show these sentiments).

Disclaimer: (see Part 1 for the more detailed disclaimer.) - These posts are not meant to be taken as fact. Everything I’m outlining stems from my own views and experiences. If you believe that I’ve missed or misinterpreted something, please let me know so I can edit the post accordingly. -The purpose of these posts is an analysis, nothing more. Please do not come into these posts expecting me to either defend Barok van Zieks from haters, nor expecting me to encourage the hatred. - I’m using the Western release of The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles for these posts, but may refer to the original Japanese dialogue of Dai Gyakuten Saiban if needed to compare what’s said. This also means I’m using the localized names and localized romanization of the names to stay consistent. -It doesn’t matter one bit to me whether you like Barok van Zieks or dislike him. However, I will ask that everyone who comments refrains from attacking real, actual people.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

Bring on the game's credits! BRING IT! The Resolve of Ryunosuke Naruhodo part 2 is here!

Episode 2-5: The Resolve of Ryunosuke Naruhodo, part 2

This is the first time in a while that I actually want to try other options to see what happens. The 'accusation' leads to some witty banter with a frustrated Stronghart, but 'report' is one that gets a reaction from Van Zieks himself. Ryu theorizes that 'since Klint was a well-bred and fastidious man, and knowing the end was near, he might have wanted to tie up some loose ends in all of his outstanding business'. Van Zieks immediately replies that his brother had no outstanding business.

DID I JUST GET PENALIZED BY THE DEFENDANT??? Just for implying his brother might've had some loose ends to tie up? Van Zieks really hates it when people show his brother even the slightest bit of disrespect, huh? Well, it's about to get a whole lot worse. Let's go for the confession option! Van Zieks definitely doesn't take kindly to this one.

“What are you saying? Do you even realise?! A confession...about the true identity of the Professor... That, that would mean...”

He fumbled his speech, there. We've never heard him do that before. And he's gone back to that bobbing, unsteady animation halfway into the above dialogue. Ryu insists it's the only explanation that fits. The man who murdered those members of the aristocracy wasn't Genshin Asogi at all, it was the one believed to be the fifth victim, Klint van Zieks himself.

Welp. We broke him. Stronghart remarks that Pandora's box has opened at last, making it clear he already knew what we just revealed. The gallery is outraged.

We've gone from well-bred to thoroughbred, have we? Susato feels very bad for Van Zieks, but Ryu asks himself whether such a brilliant prosecutor never suspected “what his older brother really was”. To clear up doubt further, he asks whether Klint Van Zieks owned a dog. Barok doesn't intend to dodge the facts of the situation, it seems.

Not what the concept art says, but it's possible Klint owned a different, smaller dog before Balmung. Van Zieks talks about how loyal the dog was and how it wore a jewel-studded collar which was stolen from the house “some years ago now”. This implies it was less than ten years ago, and must've been kept in the house as a keepsake even after Balmung passed away. Ryu and Susato bring up that they've seen such a collar; it was Selden's loot in case 2-2. They note the fancy B emblem on it, and this is the first time we find out that Klint van Zieks was a married man. His widow's maiden name was Baskerville. It's a little odd to me that for someone who thought so highly of his brother, Van Zieks never mentioned his sister in law before now. Conveniently, it never came up for the sake of a twist, I suppose. Either way, the emblem confirms the collar they saw was Balmung's. Ryu notes there was a considerable amount of blood on the collar (nobody washed this thing?) and while it could've come from typical hunting trips, it could just as well have been human blood. With that, the gallery begins to lean towards the truth that Klint van Zieks really was the Professor himself. Stronghart seems to have realized there's no way out of this now and announces that 'they may have the truth'.

Here comes that 'true nature' thing again, just worded a bit differently. Van Zieks doesn't intend to shirk away from it, though. He's open to the insinuation that his brother was, in truth, something truly horrible. Stronghart explains that Klint attempted to fight the growing darkness in London, only to end up being consumed by it. He also admits that after the fourth victim fell, Genshin showed up at his office, putting forth the accusation that Klint was the Professor. He didn't have any evidence and needed a warrant to get some, but Stronghart refused to anger the aristocracy based on the accusation of a visiting student, so he sent Genshin away. As a result, the man headed over to the Van Zieks mansion and Klint perished. Stronghart continues to admit that he was responsible for pinning the Professor's crimes on Genshin, right down to ordering Gregson to fabricate evidence. Sure enough, the late inspector's earlier claims ring true: it seems he did genuinely believe Genshin to be the killer, but was reluctant to falsify anything until Stronghart strong-armed him into it. The jailbreak agreement was also part of Stronghart's plan; he manipulated Genshin into agreeing by proverbially dangling his 14 year old son in front of him. Van Zieks brings up one more point: that Stronghart was the mastermind behind the Reaper organization. Not only does he admit to it, he calls it a “brilliant idea” and even takes credit for how his “minions” worked tirelessly to ensure Van Zieks was never accused of being the Reaper himself. What a smarmy bumhole. He insists it was all for the preservation of law and order across the empire, and the gallery is actually suckered into falling for this ploy. It seems as if he's going to get away with his masterminding without decent consequences. Kazuma now has one more question for Van Zieks, and it's the exact one Ryu asked himself earlier; did he never have any doubts about his brother?

“My brother's sense of justice was extremely strong. Perhaps...too strong, I observed. […] During the time of the Professor killings, my brother did not appear to be himself. But it was only once. Not more. Klint wasn't the culprit. That was my conclusion at the time. And I still believe that now. […] The third victim...was the Lord Chief Justice at the time. It was he who had recognized my brother's potential and trained him as a prosecutor. No matter what the circumstances, it's unthinkable that my brother could have killed his friend and mentor!”

So here, we learn that Klint wasn't an infallible paragon of virtue in his brother's eyes. Simply by saying that his sense of justice was “perhaps too strong”, a flaw is being brought to light. Younger Barok saw that Klint's need to ensure justice was overpowering him, and he also saw that during the time of the killings, something was off about his behavior. Enough to have the younger Van Zieks consider, for a brief time, that perhaps the Professor was him. However, the death of the third victim was like a lifeline to him, a flotation device keep him from going under- or perhaps more like a straw to grasp. It offered a sort of justification to him; a firm belief that Klint would never kill his own mentor and therefore he couldn't possibly be the Professor, and Barok was wrong to ever doubt him. However, it was just a very meager excuse to put his suspicions at ease and blind him to the truth. There are, after all, plenty of reasons why Klint would kill that Lord Chief Justice if indeed he were the Professor.

So Stronghart now tries to wrap everything up with a neat little bow, saying that's all the truth they'll be able to get from this trial and he'll present himself at the Ministry of Justice for whatever sanctions are deemed necessary. Since he's the Lord Chief Justice, I can't imagine the Ministry of Justice will give him more than a slap on the wrist. However, he says just a bit too much in his closing statement and Ryu jumps on that immediately. A third page of Genshin's will was hidden from everyone! Turns out, it was a personal message to Kazuma that they never bothered to send to Japan. Governor Caidin conveniently brought it with him and the contents are read aloud after some pressuring. With this last secret message left behind by Genshin, Ryu manages to find Klint's last will and testament hidden inside the Asogi clan's sword. GASP.

Oblivious to the shenanigans playing out in the Court Record section of the game, Stronghart once again tries to end the trial and even goes so far as to say Klint was basically insane when he took his mentor's life (to which Van Zieks objects fiercely). Ryu interjects, saying he has one more piece of evidence to present. When Stronghart calls the very notion absurd, Van Zieks once again raises an objection, pointing out that “this gentleman has an uncanny habit of producing evidence at the final hour that had escaped everyone else's attention.” Which, y'know, is true. That's how Ace Attorney works. I do want to draw attention to the fact that he said “this gentleman” as opposed to “this Nipponese” or even something like “this barrister”. He considers Ryu a gentleman now! So with that, Ryu has the opportunity to shove Klint's will in everyone's face and things escalate very quickly.

Ooh, his speech faltered again. He is shook! And it gets even better when he gets a closer look at the document.

Stronghart panics and demands Ryu hands the document over to him at once. When that fails, he even tries to forcibly adjourn the trial and get everyone to clear the courtroom. If that isn't suspicious, we don't know what is. It sure is satisfying to watch him squirm. Naturally, he can't actually put an end to the trial now- not with so many people watching, so the document is read aloud. It's revealed that Genshin challenged Klint to a duel, so that he might “depart this world with honor”. Klint goes on to write that he finds himself undeserving of this honor and that “the Japanese are a truly merciful people”. So here, already, we get the final nail in the coffin for Van Zieks's entire motivation for racial prejudice and for hating Genshin in particular. Klint never thought ill of Genshin, not even in his final moments. If anything, he was grateful for being put out of his misery and being allowed to 'depart the world with honor'. Genshin's actions were not betrayal; not ever. They were merciful. (COOL MOTIVE, STILL MURDER.) What we also learn is that while Klint did indeed take the life of the first victim on his own accord, he was then immediately identified as the culprit and blackmailed into the next three killings by someone else. You guessed it, it was Stronghart! Despite his earlier panic, he now has a myriad of justification ready, talking about how sacrifices have to be made for the sake of justice and whatnot. He also explains that he was the one who pressured Jigoku into shooting Genshin in the graveyard when Drebber showed up there. He acts like Jigoku is the only one to blame, but considering Stronghart was basically screaming in Jigoku's ear, I wouldn't be surprised if this poor man pulled the trigger by accident simply because he was startled by the shouting. Stronghart was the one who decided that Genshin needed to die and forced Jigoku to act, so Stronghart is the one ultimately responsible. Naturally, Ryu and Kazuma both attempt to argue Stronghart's justifications into the ground. At one point, Stronghart plays the victim card and asks them to acknowledge his 'struggle', but Kazuma insists that this jerk has done nothing and:

WELL. Okay. Looks like we've finally convinced Kazuma that Van Zieks is a victim in this whole ordeal, as well as someone who 'acts justly'. That's a wonderful way forward. With all this out in the open, though, Stronghart offers a literal round of applause. It's true; he's “done nothing” and “merely been surrounded by fools who've acted very rashly indeed”, which means he can't be charged with any crimes. We can't even prove he threatened anyone into doing his bidding, as he says it might as well have been “bargaining”. Thing is, bargaining with someone to end a third party's life is known as “contract killing” and is, in fact, illegal. I can't find any sources to verify whether it was already illegal in 1900 England, but I can only assume so, or people would've gotten away with murders very easily. I guess the bottom line here is that we can't prove Stronghart really did extort or pay anyone to take a life, since there's no material evidence for that sort of thing, nor anyone who can testify on it. Stronghart claims that the minutes of the trial will be heavily redacted to remove matters not related to Gregson's death, in the interest of preserving law and order, as well as to protect the queen. The gallery has now turned against us as well, chanting Stronghart's name.

Here we have a singular opportunity to deviate into the closest thing to a bad ending this game series has. Anyone who remembers the iconic 'the miracle never happen' ending in AA2, or even the bad endings in AA5 where either Trucy or Athena is implied to be killed by Aura, will be sorely disappointed by this one. First, to compare... In the standard ending, no matter how far along you've gotten in the trial- including proving that Stronghart was the Reaper- Van Zieks will still be found guilty. Stronghart will utter the words that he “would like to think however misguided, [Van Zieks] acted out of a sense of justice nonetheless”, and then pronounces the poor man guilty of crimes we've already proven were never committed by him. Now, in this slightly different ending, if you run out of all your penalty points because you fail to present Harely, the dialogue is tweaked. Stronghart declares that for the sake of justice, “the only correct course of action has been unanimously acknowledged by the clear majority here present. All mention of that which has been discussed in this courtroom today will be struck from the records. Barok van Zieks – Or should I say, Reaper of the Bailey... The heinous crimes committed by your brother, Klint van Zieks, will be lost in obscurity, this time forever. May you also find peace now as you join your sibling in the eternal darkness.”

And then, just as in the standard ending, Van Zieks is pronounced guilty and the doors slam shut. So effectively, the only real difference here is that Stronghart really rubs it in our faces that Van Zieks is taking the fall as the Reaper in the eyes of the public. He knows Van Zieks isn't the Reaper- everyone present in the courtroom knows it. However, since the entirely gallery is siding with the real mastermind, the minutes of the trial will be confiscated and destroyed so that the truth will be lost forever. Neither Kazuma nor Ryu reacts to this turn of events on-screen, which is a shame. Van Zieks doesn't fight the adjudication either, he simply accepts the verdict in silence- Hang on, where have we heard that before? Genshin? And didn't Van Zieks say that so long as his death served a purpose, he wouldn't mind dying over being called the Reaper? Stronghart certainly seems to feel that Van Zieks ought to be thrown under the omnibus and sent to the gallows for the sake of minimizing crime in London.

But we're not going to let the true antagonist of this game get away with his bullshit! Time to pull Harely's ears! Cue another (S)Holmeus Ex-Machina where it turns out the entire secret trial has been livestreamed to the Queen of England through holograms. By royal decree, Stronghart is stripped of his title and will be prosecuted for his crimes at a later time. FINAL BOSS, DEFEATED.

With Stronghart out of the way, Van Zieks has some closing sentiments to offer.

“Is that my brother left this world without a word to me.”

I can see why that might bug him. Van Zieks always looked up to his brother and shielded him from disrespect even a decade after his death, but Klint in turn didn't seem to want to leave any parting sentiments for him, not even a simple farewell. That's not the case, though! Susato points out there's actually more to Klint's will than was read aloud, so let's hear it now.

“Barok, you have always looked up to me, and now, you follow in my footsteps to become a prosecutor. It is my fervent wish that my unspeakable deeds should not hinder your advancement. I ask not for understanding, for none could understand my depravity. I ask only for forgiveness. Asogi is a fine detective, and a hunter worthy of respect. He has agreed to honour my final two wishes. The first is that this document survives. The second... I cannot commit to paper. I have confessed my sins to my wife. May she find resolution in my death. With my eternal gratitude to my Japanese friend, I rest my quill.”

Imagine how different things would've ended if the will had found its way to Van Zieks shortly after Klint's death. It would've prevented so much grief and so much prejudice, because if Van Zieks had learned that Klint still regarded Genshin with so much respect and gratitude even in this situation, he would never have blamed him for Klint's death nor considered it too great a betrayal. Everything that happened was in line with Klint's wishes. As it stands now, the words in Klint's will basically serve to scold Van Zieks for his attitude and hatred these past ten years.

Yep, there we go. The final straw. He's been truly, utterly embarrassed and made to confront his mistakes. When Stronghart explains how his ambition to become Attorney General is what prompted him to silence people like Watson and Gregson. Van Zieks asks him whether he ever bothered to count the number of brilliant people he had killed. Kind of a questionable remark, since Stronghart mostly had criminals killed. We don't even know for sure whether Watson was a good person or not; he comes across as a cowardly skeeve. I guess Van Zieks is mostly talking about Genshin, but even that is... Uh...

I received an Ask a while back, bringing up the matter that Genshin appears to be exonerated of any wrongdoing when the truth of Klint's death is revealed. That despite duels being outlawed and it being literal murder, Kazuma seems to take this truth as his father's name being cleared. Indeed, going over everything we've learned so far, it feels as if the narrative has set up both Klint and Genshin, and even characters like Jigoku and Gregson, as victims of Stronghart's manipulation. The thing is, though... Both Genshin and Klint took at least one life of their own free will, Jigoku pulled a trigger twice for the sake of his own career (and recruited someone into an assassin plot), Gregson conspired with a notorious assassin to commit over a dozen murders just because his boss told him it was the right thing to do... Feeling bad about murder or resorting to it because 'the other person is even worse and needs to be stopped' doesn't change that it's murder. It doesn't seem as if Kazuma or anyone else outright says their loved ones are absolved of any responsibility/their names are cleared, but it does really come across as if the narrative wants you to forgive them. So uh... Yes. This is something the game should have properly addressed, instead of just going 'oh, these poor people, all used as puppets by the final boss'.

Anyway, (S)Holmes takes the time to remind Van Zieks that he's the defendant in this case, not the prosecutor. Our old friend Santa Judge returns for the adjudication! Turns out, he was in the gallery all along. (Was he chanting Stronghart's name too?) He talks about how the darkness of the past ten years has lifted, in part thanks to a bright young star from the East. Awww, we've completely won over the judge! Van Zieks now also has something to add.

“I had the faintest of intimations. That if British justice, so warped and twisted over its long history, was finally to know change... This might just be the man to do it. But at the time, I wouldn't allow myself to acknowledge the possibility. I couldn't overcome my hatred of the Japanese, after the circumstances of my brother's death. Mr. Naruhodo...”

He takes a flourishing bow here, an acknowledgment that Ryu is worthy of his respect and perhaps even that Ryu is superior to him, then stands up straight again for the final whammy.

Ryu is shocked and Susato is brought to tears. We did it, y'all. We've secured the full, heartfelt apology. I'm not sure there's really anything to add to this, nor anything we could want from it at this point in time. Ryu doesn't say he forgives Van Zieks for his discourtesies, but considering how hard he worked to get this guy cleared of murder, that would feel kind of out of place. The forgiveness happened long before Van Zieks apologized, or so is the implication. (Is that the correct narrative path? Not at all, but I'll get back to that in the conclusion.) So after some more closing words from Ryu, Van Zieks gets his not-guilty verdict and court is adjourned.

In the defendant's lobby, Ryu feels a bit conflicted about how this whole thing went down. Susato tries to cheer him up by saying that everything will seem much better once he sees Van Zieks's smiling face. Indeed, in most other Ace Attorney games, this would be the point where at last, an emotionally distant defendant/witness drops their walls and allows themselves to smile (or cry). Just think of Gina, Lana Skye or even Athena Cykes when she cries tears of joy during AA5's ending. Hilariously enough, Van Zieks is not one of those characters.

This is a really fun subversion of expectations and Ace Attorney tropes. And I still believe his face got frozen like that. Even so, he's got something heartfelt to say.

“For you to have risen to the level of excellence you demonstrated today... Well, it's quite remarkable.”

Sounds like a hatchet job of a compliment at first glance, but the sentiment is there. It is extremely remarkable for a foreign exchange student who's only been in the country for about 9 months- and who only spent like 2 of those as an active lawyer- to rise to such a level that he not only uncovers the truth of the current case, but of a cold case from 10 years prior, which was part of a huge cover-up. Ryu points out that he exposed a most 'unpalatable truth' in court and that he feels as if he robbed Van Zieks of something precious. Van Zieks doesn't seem to agree. He reminisces on Stronghart's words.

“But that... That was just the feeble excuse of a coward. Only those with a steadfast eye for the truth have what it takes to fight the dark forces of crime. You made fine work of establishing that fact in court today.”

So once again, he's complimenting Ryu's courtroom performance. Not only that, but he's acknowledging (in different words) the earlier sentiment that the truth needs to come out, no matter how painful. Perhaps, indirectly, he's calling himself a feeble coward as well. Ryu and Susato are proud of Van Zieks's growth, with Susato saying that surely Kazuma would be smiling if he were here. Naturally, when he shows up at that very second, he isn't smiling at all. Like mentor, like disciple! Kazuma takes a polite bow before Van Zieks and congratulates him on his acquittal. Naturally, after watching Kazuma prosecute so ferociously for two whole episodes, that doesn't feel sincere. Van Zieks asks him whether he doesn't instead want to curse him. Kazuma apologizes for his earlier behavior, which does feel 100% sincere.

“Your father, Genshin... If I had been stronger, then perhaps... I made an unforgivable error of judgment. … I can offer no excuse.”

One more apology to add to the pile! And here we once again reach that question of whether the narrative is acting like Genshin should be absolved of all blame. In a technical sense, Van Zieks wasn't wrong to prosecute Genshin, since he did seriously murder Klint. That alone is already warranting of the death penalty, so the added crimes of the Professor on top of that don't change too much. However, I don't think Van Zieks's lines truly relate to the Professor trial itself. The error of judgment, in my eyes, can also be seen as the blind acceptance that Genshin betrayed him (as well as Klint) when there was actually far more at play. This notion that Genshin was a horrid traitor who abused their trust and hospitality was then allowed to grow into an irrational hatred which festered for a decade. Regardless of whether Genshin killed Klint, the insistence that the man's true nature was that of a monster was wrong, and I think that's what he's apologizing for. To be clear, he's not apologizing for racist sentiments uttered towards Kazuma or anyone else from Japan with these lines. This purely relates to his treatment of Genshin. However, he already apologized for his many discourtesies back in the courtroom and I think the racist outbursts were part of those discourtesies.

Kazuma says he can offer no forgiveness, which is totally fair. Kazuma isn't obligated to forgive this man. He does, however, admit that he has respect for Van Zieks, since he “fought for justice and the truth”.

Awww! Remember how in my very first 'strong thought about Barok' post, I pointed out that Barok almost appears to have been designed to be Kazuma's rival prosecutor instead of Ryu's? Yeah. Here we see it very clearly. The reconciliation conversation between these two feels like a much better resolution than the conversation between Van Zieks and Ryu.

So now Kazuma brings up that Genshin promised to do two things for Klint, but the second wasn't mentioned in the will. Mikotoba shows up to share a very heartbreaking tale about Klint's unnamed widow, the lady Zieks-Baskerville, who was hiding out in Dartmoor and passed away from childbirth very shortly after Genshin was executed. The newborn baby girl survived, though! Van Zieks blurts out that that makes no sense. “Why on Earth wouldn't Klint have entrusted the child to my care in that case?!” And that alone is already kind of tragic, but what really packs a wallop is this:

This means Klint and his wife deliberately kept the pregnancy from him. It's never explained why. Genshin showed up at the manor in the spur of the moment and Klint died that very same night, when his wife must've already been around 8 or 9 months pregnant. (she gives birth about a week or two later, after all.) Klint says that he 'confessed his sins to his wife', but that also must've been very recent, if not that very same night, since Stronghart was threatening to tell Klint's wife and brother of his misdeeds. Stronghart's hold on Klint would've weakened if he'd told her the truth months ago, which in turn implies the both of them decided not to tell Barok while she herself was still oblivious to the Professor truth. Honestly, it all feels like a vague plotconvenience.

What is explained is why the newborn baby wasn't entrusted to Van Zieks. It isn't because Klint had the amazing foresight to know his younger brother would become a salty, loner alcoholic; it's because he and his wife feared the truth of the Professor might come out. Heck, if Genshin had never been arrested for Klint's death, perhaps it would've come out for certain. “The girl would be forever branded as the daughter of the infamous mass murderer.” So the baby girl was distanced from the Van Zieks family as much as possible, with all of London unaware of her existence. This girl is, of course, Iris.

Right on cue, the Harely plushie activates to receive a call from (S)Holmes and Iris. She invites everyone over to 221B for a feast and makes sure to invite “Mr. Reaper” too. He very awkwardly declines the offer.

Humanization? Humanization! He does, however, give Iris his word that he'll present himself at 221B in the near future to express his gratitude. I think a big part of why he declined the offer was because he wouldn't feel at home during the big celebration when a whole group of people is there. He'd much rather visit Iris during a more quiet, private moment and that's sweet too. Plus, I don't think he's in the mood for a celebration, considering all the horrible truths he's learned in a single day.

So now Kazuma prepares to leave and asks Van Zieks to accompany him. The wording of “would you care to-” makes it very clear this isn't a demand, it's a very soft request that Van Zieks is free to decline. Not that he hesitates for even a second. Here's some more parting words.

“I believe... You saved my life.”

He takes a deep, flourishing bow and honestly I've lost track of how many times he's praised/thanked Ryu by now. More than Edgeworth thanked Phoenix, most likely. The prosecutor duo prepares to walk away, but Ryu calls after Van Zieks, asking him to wait. Which he does. Ryu asks him what he intends to do now.

... “Prosecutor van Zieks chooses death”??? In a way, he's thinking of pulling a similar move. He intends to publicize the full truth of the Professor, and I can only imagine that includes Stronghart's involvement in what went down 10 years ago. Maybe he'll even share the truth of the Reaper who's haunted the courtroom all these years. He believes that “once that's done, the Van Zieks family will be ostracised completely from London society.” (I don't think he means living family members, but rather, the legacy of the Van Zieks name and the rights associated with it.) So because of that, he intends to leave the capital as soon as he's free of his employment. Considering how easily this man took a five year sabbatical and adding in the fact that the Lord Chief Justice just got arrested, I expect his resignation could be as easy as packing his desk and leaving his office without saying a word. Kazuma, however, calls him a fool and a coward. He basically dares Van Zieks to keep going now that he's finally freed from the pseudonym of the Reaper. Van Zieks neither agrees with the sentiment nor shoots it down, instead saying it's unexpected to hear those words from Kazuma of all people. With that out in the open, they leave for realsies.

Just as Van Zieks doesn't attend the Baker Street party, he isn't there when Ryu's at the docks to return to Japan. I like to think Kazuma did bother to tell Van Zieks that Ryu is leaving the country, because withholding that information seems like a bit of a jerk move, but... Well. Not showing up at the docks to say some final farewells is even more of a jerk move on Van Zieks's part. Though it's possible he felt he wasn't wanted there, and may eventually ask for Ryu's address so he can write a letter (which is far less imposing than invading a heartfelt farewell with a scowling face). It's a shame, though. I would've liked to hear his thoughts on Ryu's departure.

We learn that Kazuma will “stay in Lord van Zieks's tutelage for the time being” to become a full-fledged prosecutor. Which is fine, I guess. It doesn't matter whether he's a defense attorney or a prosecutor; all that matters is the pursuit of the truth. What catches my interest is that even with all that bad blood and refusal to forgive Van Zieks, Kazuma still agrees to keep studying as his disciple. This implies to me that he sincerely doesn't believe Van Zieks to be a bad person anymore, and acknowledges he can learn a lot from this man. Which is not the same thing as being on friendly terms with him, but at the very least he's giving Van Zieks the benefit of the doubt when it comes to improving their... Well, their dynamic, I suppose I should call it.

On to the credits scenes we go! This time, Van Zieks legit does get a scene of his own, but before we address this one, I want to skip ahead real quick to Albert Harebrayne's scene.

“He sent me a very nice letter saying he'd like to show me around now that everything was settled. B-But what have I done? I was so excited, I picked this splendid hotel and now I can't afford the bill! Oh Barok! Come to my rescue again, please! I, I wish I could just vanish into thin air sometimes!”

Several things of note can be taken out of this little scene. First of all, with the Reaper nonsense behind them, Van Zieks seems to have wasted very little time with asking his best buddy to return to London for that sightseeing that was promised. Presumably, he even paid for the trip (again), since Albert still seems to be very low on money. This, coupled with the fact that Van Zieks was reading that letter with quite a bit of dedication in his jail cell, indicates to me that he's longing for the good old days, when he could smile and have friends. He's trying to return to a sense of normalcy and since Albert is still considered his closest friend, it makes sense he'd reach out to him instead of a relative stranger like Kazuma. Baby steps. Now, the fact that Albert says “come to my rescue again” sets the very clear tone that this guy believes Van Zieks has helped him before- during the trial, of course. It's another reinforcement of the notion that Albert is thankful Van Zieks chose the role of prosecutor in order to defend the teleportation theory, even if it meant that he himself would be branded a murderer. Despite his gruff exterior and blunt words, Albert thinks of Van Zieks as a sort of knight in shining armor who will come save him. … With cold hard cash, in this case, but it's the gesture that counts. Van Zieks might allow Albert to stay in his mansion instead, but it depends how high the risk of assassination is at this point in time. People are probably hating on the Van Zieks family now that the truth of the Professor is out.

On to credits scene of Van Zieks himself! We have confirmation by now that he hasn't retired as a prosecutor, since Kazuma already expressed his intent to keep studying under him. So we see Van Zieks in his office, addressing Klint's painting.

“In those days, when I was known as the Reaper, I felt your presence at my side. Once, unable to bear the burden of that grim pseudonym, I even retired from the courtroom. Despite everything, I still wear your prosecutor's badge with pride. But the darkness that beset me is no more. As you, too... Are no more.”

The first two sentences of this bit feel very disjointed and barely related to me, so I had a quick look at some fan translations. First is the sub translation on Youtube: “I could feel you standing by my side through the days in which I was called the Reaper. Yet there were times I could not bear the burden of that name, and left the courtroom far behind me.” The “yet” is very crucial, since it makes the insinuation that feeling his brother's presence was very important to Van Zieks, but the burden became so overwhelming that he retired anyway. Taisa the Gamer's script doesn't have a “yet” in it, nor any equivalent, but the sentence structure still flows well enough not to cast doubt on how he felt about Klint's supposed presence. Contrasting that, the localization's wording with “even” almost makes it seem like feeling Klint's presence was a negative thing- that he was overwhelmed by it and that this was the burden associated with the Reaper name, as opposed to the killings. Which can't possibly be right; he already admitted to us that the idea of his brother's ghost helping him was one of the main reasons he kept on being the Reaper. So long story short, the localization's take on these first two lines is a little off.

The prosecutor's badge thing, however, is spot on. Despite everything- despite the 'true nature' of Klint now exposed, Van Zieks still wears the badge with pride. We know the badge is symbolical, of course. He still believes in Klint's sense of justice and he's still going to openly admit to being Klint's brother- to being a Van Zieks. That's sweet. He goes on to say that the darkness within him is no more. To really grasp what that means, let's go back to the end of case 2-3 for a second. There, Van Zieks says that after his brother's death, he found himself in “a very dark place indeed”. In case 2-4, he mentions that he refuses to trust others to protect himself against betrayal, but has now sunk into a proverbial mire which makes it impossible to breathe. All of that is the same darkness he's referring to now, I'm sure. I don't believe depression can lift this easily; there's no way that darkness is no more. However, I think what he means to say is that it no longer has such a strong hold on him that it manifests in paranoia and irrational hatred. He has a chance now to start fresh and that's what he intends to do. He's striding away from that darkness, towards a brighter future. In order for a person to change for the better, they themselves have to want to change, and it looks like Van Zieks is all for that. Which at last brings us to the conclusion of this essay series! The conclusion, which looks back on the original query posed in Part 1, will once again include a load of screencaps. To keep the post size lighter, I'm going to put it in a separate post. I hope you'll look forward to it!

#dgs #dgs spoilers #tgaa #tgaa spoilers #barok van zieks #ALMOST THERE #HHHHHHHHH

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hongnanglen-arina · 3 years

Text

Forget me not | Hong Joshua

Genre: Angst

Pairing: Joshua x fem reader

Warnings: sick!reader, dementia

Words: 3k

A/N: Hey there! So here it is, my first angsty fic on here. I’m currently going through this myself but writing it down helped me cope with it a bit. Of course having to deal with this syndrome/disease is anything but romantic or nice but i tried to make it less bad if you know what i mean... anyways, i really hope you don’t have to deal with this in rl. Please be healthy!! Love you ♡

Tagged: @love-dreams @seokcalibur

⋅𖥔⋅ ━━ ⋅𖥔⋅ ━━ ⋅𖥔⋅ ━━ ⋅𖥔⋅ ━━ ⋅𖥔⋅

The first time Joshua knew that something was off was at your birthday party 5 years ago. When you talked too fast, often times you mixed up the names especially the similar ones. You nearly forgot the cake in the oven. Luckily your cousin noticed it. During the party, he thought you were just too excited or too stressed because you wanted it to be perfect. You’ve always been like this.

But when you were alone in the kitchen after everyone had left, you asked him about the special occasion of the party. You couldn’t remember it was your birthday.

He had laughed and thought it was a joke. But it wasn’t.

The questions increased, more and more random reactions happened until he couldn’t leave you alone anymore.

Once he was at a market with you. It was a lovely saturday afternoon. You two enjoyed those short getaways a lot. You would randomly choose a place up to 3 hours away from your home and would drive there, spent the day or even the whole weekend there and would go back happily as if you had a little vacation. That day you had decided to split up so he could secretly get the little bouquet of roses for you before joining you at the grocery store to help with the bags. The bouquet was placed securely on the backseat of your car when he stepped into the grocery store, looking for you. The store wasn’t too big so he was sure that it wouldn’t take long to find you. No sign of you at the fruit corner, the pastries, alcohol nor the snacks corner. He just couldn’t find you. He even asked the workers to call your name through the speakers because he started to get worried. 5 minutes passed. 10. 15. Still no sign. He didn’t want to bother the busy workers a second time so he made his way back to your rented apartment for the weekend. Maybe you wanted to start preparing dinner because you’ve been always like this. You never wanted to get help if it wasn’t really necessary. This was one of the reasons you two would get into an argument but those never lasted for long.

When Joshua got into the car and drove down the street in the direction of your apartment, he saw you sitting at the bus stop, crying. He immediately stopped the car and ran to you, he thought his heart had stopped beating the second he saw in what kind of state you were.

“Y/n, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” He tried his best to speak in a calming tone but it was very difficult. Joshua didn’t know what was wrong. What happened. What he missed out on. He was mad at himself that he left you alone, no matter what the reason for your tears was.

Your eyes lightened up a bit when you recognized him beside you on the bench, looking down at his hands which were holding yours, thumbs rubbing soothingly over your cold skin.

“I’m such a bad mother! I forgot to prepare dinner for our kids! I have to go back and cook. They must be hungry and waiting!”

It wasn’t what Joshua was expecting to hear.

Especially because your two children were already living in other cities for work and university. He didn’t understand right away. Again, he thought you made a joke but when his eyes met your glossy ones and he tried to find the right words.

“Love, they aren’t with us anymore. You don’t have to prepare dinner for them.”

This was the wrong choice of words. You started to cry uncontrollably, worse than before. Because you thought they had passed away.

Later on he learned that he had to “play along”. That this would resolve almost every situation with people who were suffering with this syndrome.

The other time you just wanted to throw away the trash. It was just right outside the apartment complex so he thought it would be okay. The big bins were just beside the entrance, in a separate place only residents could enter since the gatekeeper was always around. You didn’t have to go that far, it was still the same building. But what was a task for 10 minutes maximum under normal circumstances became a horrible memory for Joshua and probably you too.

Because you got lost somewhere between leaving and closing the apartment door and the moment Joshua found you. In the hospital.

Until now, he didn’t know what exactly happened on that day. But you got hit by a car when you crossed the street at a red light he was told. Even after asking the gatekeeper, he couldn’t help you because after seeing you, he got a call and didn’t pay attention where you were going after exchanging greetings.

Joshua’s fingers slightly touched your knee, the scars from the accident still evident. He was mad at himself. He thought moving to this place would help you recover and made you happier. In some aspects it did. Living on the 23rd floor with a breathtaking view over the Hangang river and all the nice lights once it got dark outside was something you two had always dreamt of. Being able to take a walk at the park next to the building and having some slice of nature around was exactly what you two wanted in this huge city. Always joked about growing old and admiring the view together.

He never thought it would become like this.

He didn’t know why God had chosen you.

He used to believe that everything happened for a reason. That you would only get good things if you do good.

He was raised to believe in God.

But after everything, it was difficult.

He even caught himself hating God for making you suffer like this.

He just couldn’t help it.

“It’s cold.” Your words pulled Joshua back to reality and he quickly got up to get your favorite blanket. The fuzzy fabric that you fell in love with when you were at an amusement park together a month before you got married. You always took great care to everything and everyone around you so it was no surprise to him that the blanket still looked exactly like it did when he won it for you. Although it hasn’t gotten the same care anymore after you weren’t able to do chores by yourself again. Joshua asked you what your secret was in maintaining it but as much as he tried, he just wasn’t as talented as you.

He wrapped you in your blanket and made sure that you felt warm and cozy before walking over to the open kitchen area to prepare tea. Your favorite organic herbal infusion.

While he was waiting for the water to boil, is eyes traveled to the side and to the wall which was decorated by different photos. Every single one holding a deep meaning.

A selfie taken on a ferries wheel. The moment he confessed his feelings for you. He planned everything to the smallest detail and wanted it to be romantic. Throughout the evening you asked him several times why he was carrying a bigger backpack. The reason was a bouquet of red roses. That day he wasn’t fully himself because he was too nervous but it still worked out. He succeeded. Joshua smiled at the memory.

Beside that was a photo from your wedding. The beautiful dress that you wore was something he had never seen. He was speechless and had to swallow down the tears. He couldn’t believe that he was the lucky guy marrying this ethereal woman in front of him. In this photo your eyes were a little puffy and nose slightly red because you couldn’t help but to cry through half of the ceremony. He could still hear your whines when his best friend asked for a photo. The smile remained on Joshua’s lips while remembering the moment.

Then photos of your children. The first born, then your second 3 years later. Time really passed by too fast because now they weren’t living with you anymore. In fact, your first born would become a father himself in a couple of months.

Joshua looked over to you, the smile changing to a painful expression. He wasn’t sure if you would understand who it is when your son would come over with his baby.

Once the tea was ready, he put everything on a small tray with some fruits and walked back to you.

You were still at your favorite spot. At the table in the dining room which was right in front of a huge window, allowing you to have a beautiful view on the Hangang river and the Paldang bridge. Joshua would catch you smile from time to time, sometimes even getting an answer from you why you were smiling. When there wasn't a smile on your lips, your eyes would be watery as if you had remembered something sad. Every time he would ask you and often times he would be surprised what the cause was. The fact he would randomly learn new things about your past even after knowing you for over 40 years now was surprising to him. But the doctor once told him that those things could also be dreams or wishes that you would mix up with reality. Sadly it was common.

He helped you with the tea, blew over it and held the cup while you took a sip. Every time you would thank him but without saying his name. It was painful but he tried to hold his smile.

“They look like the flowers we have in our garden. They are so beautiful. My mother loves them. Me too.”

Joshua turned around to a painting on the wall. A painting of small flowers, little blue petals with white and yellow centers. Forget-me-nots.

You painted it after getting the diagnosis. At that time, it wasn’t this severe. You were still able to do everything by yourself although you stopped from time to time because you weren’t able to remember what you wanted or why you were doing something. But the both of you were scared of the future.

It wouldn’t just go away after some time like a flu. There was nothing you could do, no antidote. Just medication which would temporarily improve the symptoms, distracting you from the real process. You knew that one day it would become so bad that you may hurt him.

The reason you painted the flowers was because you wanted to break up with him. You wanted a divorce. Not because you stopped loving him, it was because you loved him. You hated to ask for help. You hated to bother people, especially him. People who meant the world to you. You wanted him to live his life without you as a burden because dementia meant you would need help until the very end.

You wanted to give him the painting as a gift, like a symbol of your time together. That you were thankful for everything and hoped he would keep all the good memories in his heart. You didn’t want him to hate you and you really hoped he would understand. If not now, then later. The divorce would give him the freedom he deserved. He shouldn’t see you miserably and take care of you when you can’t recognize him anymore.

That was the biggest fight you two had.

Joshua was more than hurt of the decision you had made alone. But he wasn’t the only one in pain and he saw it in the way you were shaking as you tried to explain everything. He knew that something was wrong with you some weeks prior to your fight where the bomb dropped. You didn’t eat normally, you denied his ideas for a night out, you didn’t smile as much as you used to. You just avoided his love and wanted to be alone more and more.

In the end he convinced you to stay. Joshua told you that he swore to care for you until his last breath. To be there for you in good but also in bad times. He would be understanding if the syndrome would mess with your brain or body again. It was his purpose to be there for you. He loved you. Just as much as you needed him, he needed you as well. Even if that meant to be in the situation he was in right now.

"You really sing so beautifully. You should become a singer!"

That's what you would say every day after he played the guitar or sang his favorite song for you. And his reply would be the same as well, every day.

"Believe me or not but I was a famous singer once.”

And you would always giggle and think that he made a joke. But it wasn’t.

Joshua was 2 years older than you but then again, healthy. Unlike you who was suffering from dementia.

He knew you didn't do it on purpose but it always hurt him so much, he had no word to describe the pain. Knowing you weren't able to remember all the happy moments you two went through made his heart ache. No matter how often he told you about your adventures, your experiences and life lessons, you would forget about it right after. But he still did it again and again. At least he had a lot to tell you about and somehow it was a way of not forgetting it himself. Some kind of therapy for himself. But often times he struggled because he couldn't remember it clearly and it was always a lonely feeling as you couldn't help or correct him.

Joshua checked the secure on the wheels of your wheelchair, making sure it wouldn’t move. He slowly got up to his feet to turn on the heater on the other side of the room. It was getting cold inside and the tea was gone already.

When he first heard about dementia, he thought it was losing memory only. But as he educated himself more and more, he learned that it could also mean the loss of mobility and the loss of speech.

Luckily the latter hasn’t happened yet and he prayed it would stay that way.

That was one of the reasons he believed in God again.

He felt selfish but he had nowhere to go. No place to let everything out.

When he prayed to God again, he felt bad and pathetic at first but it gave him the strength he needed.

He prayed that you wouldn’t be in too much pain.

He mentioned his gratitude for still being with you.

He was thankful for the chance to be a good husband to you.

Absentmindedly, his fingers found his cross necklace. You weren’t in a good state and of course everything could be better without dementia but being there for each other must be the life lesson here. Even without a marriage, being with the person you love and supporting each other was one of the most important things in life. He didn’t know how it would be, if the tables were switched between the two of you. Maybe that was why Joshua understood your idea of the divorce although he decided against it. If he would have to choose again, his decision would be the same.

He didn’t want a life without you.

After turning on the heater, he joined you again.

He was watching you smile with tears in your eyes.

He asked you what was wrong but you didn't react, instead your gaze was fixated on something outside the window. He wanted to help. He wanted to turn back time but he couldn't. His wish was impossible to become true.

Joshua reached forward, grabbing two clementines from the tray he had brought earlier and started peeling them for you. You two used to do it for the other when everything was still okay. Before the drastic change had started. Now you've never done it for him again but it would never stop him from doing it for you.

Carefully taking your hand and placing the peeled fruits in it, you made a surprised noise, giving him a soft smile.

"How do you know I like them? Say, what's your name?"

He tried to smile back. The same question he would hear every day.

Leaning forward, he gently rubbed your arm through the blanket. "My name is Joshua." ...and I'm your husband, he added in his thoughts.

You pulled out your arm from under the blanket and carefully touched his hair, letting the fingertips graze his cheeks until he grabbed your hand and kept your hand like this, leaning in your palm and closing his eyes for a second before placing your hand back down in your lap. You still wore his bracelet. The one he made for you with pastel colored beads.

Every day you would ask where you got it from but Joshua made sure to tell you about it every time he heard this question. At least you two would always have topics to talk about, he always told himself.

“You are so kind to me.”

Your soft voice made him look up to you and then he saw it in your eyes. He saw that deep down you haven't completely forgotten about him and that was all he needed. That was what kept him going, day after day. You were and will always be the love of his life after all.

And that would never change. Never.

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invisibleanonymousmonsters · 4 years

Text

Surprise – Howlin’ For You – One Shot

Description: Bucky forgets it’s his birthday. But his wife and kids aren’t going to let that slide.

Pairing: AU - Biker!Bucky x Fem/Reader

Howlin’ For You - Masterlist

Read the series or you will not know what the fuck is happening.

Bucky was so tired that a part of him was worried about getting home on a motorcycle without falling asleep.

It was like the universe was torturing him with the day that he had. It seemed as if every customer he had to deal with at the shop today was a privileged asshole. All of them either pretended like they knew more about auto mechanics than him or yelled at him for the very reasonable pricing he gave them on their vehicles.

Customer service had always been the thing Bucky hated most about running his own shop. He tried to avoid dealing with customers at all cost. Steve was much more patient than he was – most of the crew was.

But the whole reason they’d created the shop in the first place was to offer people realistic prices and to not rip off naive and unassuming customers.

Now Bucky was mentally and emotionally exhausted.

He’d sent a text to Y/N earlier, telling her how he’d become more and more irritated from work as the day went on.

She sent her support and promised she’d try to cheer him up when he got home.

Bucky immediately brought the conversation to more risqué suggestions, but Y/N didn’t seem to mind in the slightest.

He also knew that a few minutes with his kids and he’d cheer up. Amelia would want to cuddle with him or the twins would show him their new model cars they built with so much enthusiasm that he wouldn’t be able to help but feel better.

When Bucky walked through the door, his shoulders immediately relaxed. He gave most of the credit to Y/N for making their house an oasis of comfort and warmth.

But then he noticed how oddly quiet the house was, which was a rarity with a 5-year-old daughter and 9-year-old, rambunctious twins.

“Doll?” He called out.

Suddenly Amelia came running to him, slamming into his legs with her tiny body.

“There’s my girl,” Bucky chuckled as he lifted her up to hold her.

She was already growing up so fast that he knew carrying her around could end at any moment – more from her not wanting him to than her becoming too big.

“Where is your pretty mama and your crazy brothers, huh?” He asked her after giving her cheek a kiss.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulders.

“They told me to come get you,” she informed him.

“Oh, yeah? What for?”

Amelia giggled. “It’s a secret,” she whispered.

“A secret? Sounds like trouble.” But now Bucky was getting a little suspicious. “Is this hide and seek? Are you here to help me find them?”

Amelia giggled again and shook her head. “No, silly. Th-They told me to say…ummm…” She was now have trouble battling the short-term memory that came with being 5 years old.

“Told you to say what, babydoll?” He encouraged her softly.

She smiled, not seeming to care that she wasn’t doing a good job of giving him the message. “The backyard,” she laughed.

“I’m supposed to go to the backyard,” Bucky confirmed with a slow nod.

Then he kissed her head. “Alright. Let’s go to the backyard.”

Bucky assumed the twins had Y/N hostage, showing her everything about the new dirt bike he’d brought home for them just a few days ago. While Y/N didn’t know nor care much about the mechanics, like her sons and daughter, she humored them by nodding and oohing and aahing at the right parts.

As soon as they were close to the door that led out to the patio and backyard, Bucky was surprised he couldn’t hear the twins talking Y/N’s ear off. Also the lights were off, making it hard to see anything through the windows of the house.

When Bucky pulled the door open, he was met with the backyard lights turning on and a crowd screaming, “Surprise!”

On instinct alone, he turned his body a bit so Amelia was shielded. But he quickly recovered, steadying his breathing and realizing neither he nor his daughter were in any immediate danger.

The whole week of work, specifically today, had been so hectic and stressful that Bucky kept forgetting his birthday was just around the corner.

Now he was facing what looked to be every person he’d ever met in his life.

All of the Howlies were laughing and cheering at his arrival. Someone had already started up the music again. People were talking amongst themselves now that the surprise had been delivered.

Grayson and Owen came running out of the crowd, Y/N slowly walking behind them with a warm smile.

“Were you surprised, dad?” The twins both asked excitedly.

“Sure was,” he laughed as he mess up both of their hair.

“Did you spoil the surprise, Amelia?” Grayson asked his little sister, who was still in her dads arms. His eyes were filled with suspicion.

She glared and shook her head before nuzzling closer to her father.

“No, she didn’t ruin anything. She could be a spy,” Bucky defended.

Now Y/N had made her way to them.

“You,” he playfully glared at his wife. “Come here.” She laughed and stepped closer, earning a kiss from him. “You plan all this for me, troublemaker?”

She barely pulled away from his lips, “Maybe.”

“Thank you, doll. You didn’t have to do this.”

Y/N shrugged. “I was just a little worried after you told me how bad your day was going. I thought maybe this would be all be too much.”

“Of course not,” he assured her.

He moved her lips to his ear. “I’m sorry about the lights and screaming, I tried to tell them not to do it. But everyone was really committed already,” Y/N muttered to him so no one else could hear, proving that she caught how he’d reacted to the surprise.

He kissed her again. “It’s fine, Y/N.”

Even after all these years, Bucky was still amazed at how well they could read each other.

Then Y/N grabbed Amelia from his arms. “Now, I’ll take this one, because you got a lot of people who want to wish you a happy birthday.”

As soon as Y/N stepped away and took the kids with her, Bucky was bombarded with people giving him hugs and saying hi.

All of the Howlies were there, along with their partners and kids. He spotted his mom and sister talking to Y/N’s family. Some of Y/N’s friends who had become Bucky’s friends were there too. It was like their usual Howlie gatherings – but magnified and with all the attention on Bucky.

He could’ve gone without the attention, but he enjoyed having all the important people in his life all in one place.

An hour later, he found Steve running the grill.

“Alright, punk, I know you were responsible for this too,” Bucky growled.

They’d just seen each other at the garage a few hours ago.

“I may have helped a bit,” Steve confessed through a mischievous smile.

“How’d you all keep it a secret? Especially, Sam – that idiot can’t keep his mouth shut.”

“I fucking heard that!” Sam shouted from over Bucky’s shoulder.

Bucky laughed and gave Sam an unapologetic shrug.

“That wife of yours did most of the work. I felt like I was back in the military with the way she had everything organized and dished out jobs to all of us.”

Bucky laughed at that, picturing Y/N giving out orders to his biker gang.

Hours later, Y/N had put the kids to bed and the adults really got down to celebrating.

She was starting to get worried with the amount of shots and drinks people were thrusting onto Bucky. The man could hold his alcohol, but he was still just a human.

“I’m going to end up carrying that man to bed, aren’t I?” Y/N asked Sam and Nat as they sat around a fire.

The three of them drew their attention to Thor and Clint who were shoving another shot onto Bucky.

“Make him find his own way to the couch,” Sam chuckled.

“This is why you’d make a bad boyfriend,” Nat smirked.

“What?” Sam yelled. “I’m a great boyfriend!”

“Yeah?” Nat asked. “Where’s your girlfriend now? Oh, yeah, you don’t have one…”

Lo and behold, Y/N did have to practically drag her drunk husband to their bedroom.

Some of the Howlies who were more sober offered to stay back and help clean up. Even when Y/N turned them down, they ignored her and started getting to work. She wouldn’t be surprised if she came downstairs tomorrow morning to find her house cleaner than it was before the party.

Bucky’s arm was around Y/N’s shoulder as she navigated him through their home.

“You’re the best wife anyone in the world could ever have,” Bucky slurred to her.

Y/N laughed, “I am?”

“Of course.”

“OK. Well, your wife needs some help on your end to get you up these stairs.”

And to his credit, he made it up them without requiring much of Y/N’s help.

When they got to his bedroom, he flopped down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling.

Y/N started unlacing his foots and taking off his jeans.

“Shirt to bed or no shirt?” She asked him.

“No shirt!”

She smiled at him. “Shorts or sleeping in just your briefs?”

“Briefs!”

Y/N nodded.

“Well, I was planning on ending the night with more fun. But I don’t think you’re exactly in the right state for that…” She teased him.

Bucky chuckled. “Probably for the best.”

He was currently fighting the spins. So, as much as he wanted to have sex with his beautiful and sexy wife, it probably wouldn’t end well for him.

Y/N went to take off her makeup, wash her face, and brush her teeth.

She found one of Bucky’s old t-shirts and threw it on, forgoing any type of short or pants.

“Come here, doll.” Bucky demanded, sounding far more sober than he should.

“Are you gonna behave?” Y/N asked him as she pointed a finger at him.

“Yes, ma’am. I just want cuddles.” Then he smiled like a goof. “It’s my birthday, so I get what I want.”

Y/N chuckled and shook her head at him, but did as he requested and climbed into bed with him. Bucky instantly pulled her on top of his chest and wrapped his arms around her.

“Thank you for tonight,” he sighed and kissed the top of her head.

“I’m glad you had fun.”

“I love you, Y/N.” His voice proving that he was just moments away from passing out.

“Love you too, Buck.”

And barely 30 seconds later, Y/N’s ears were filled with Bucky’s drunken snores.

----------------

Thank you to the anon who sent this in and inspired me. Let me know what you guys think :)

#howlin' for you #howlin' for you drabbles #howlin' for you one shots #biker!bucky #biker!bucky x reader #dad!biker!bucky #owen barnes #grayson barnes #biker!dad!bucky #amelia barnes

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melanielocke · 3 years

Text

Lost in the Shadows - Chapter 16

AO3

Taglist: @nott-the-best @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised

CW: this chapter delves a bit deeper into Alastair's head and can be a bit heavy

Previous Chapter: Chapter 15

Next Chapter: Chapter 17

I’d hoped some of you had more sense. I thought you could be a voice of reason among them, Alastair. The words echoed in Alastair’s head, he should have known this was bound to happen. The Herondales thought he was a good person, capable, trustworthy, and they were wrong. They would have found out eventually, but it still stung. And he’d tried. He’d wanted so badly to be what Will and Tessa believed he could be, but he couldn’t. Because he wasn’t a good person, he wasn’t capable, he wasn’t like Jem. He was awful and worthless and undeserving of their kindness.

Before dr. Gray could have said anything else, Alastair had left, gone to his bedroom. Years of practice to keep his expression blank, to never show that they get to you, it was all coming apart. He couldn’t do this anymore. He was so tired of pretending to be something he was not.

He collapsed onto the bed and curled up as if to protect himself. He grabbed his stuffed hedgehog, tried to find comfort in it. He was often ashamed to keep his hedgehog when he was far too old to still be sleeping with stuffed animals, but he’d never had a childhood, he’d never felt safe and protected. When he held his hedgehog, he could at least pretend. It wasn’t working. He felt so helpless, like everything was spiraling out of his control and he didn’t know how to make it go away. He had always liked to pretend he was in control, by keeping everything neat and organized he was controlling what he could. But the truth was that nothing in his life was in his control and it never would be.

He was caught in a storm and there was nowhere he could find shelter, the only thing he could was endure. He wasn’t sure how to do that either. At times like this Alastair feared it would always be like this and he would never get better. He wasn’t even sure what was going on, there was just an overwhelming sense of helplessness, of perceived danger and being too small and weak to do anything to protect himself.

He heard someone knock on the door. Cordelia, perhaps. Or Thomas. They couldn’t see him like this. They couldn’t see just how worthless and awful and broken he was. Even around them, he was pretending, acting like he was fine as long as people didn’t drink when he was around. Thomas deserved someone better than him, someone who could give him everything. Alastair was used to giving people he loved everything he could, and it had never been enough. He could not deny that he was the common factor there. Whatever love he had left was broken at its core, he could not love people enough and in return he did not deserve to be loved.

‘Alastair, are you in there!’ Cordelia yelled.

He wasn’t sure which was worse, Cordelia seeing him like this or Thomas. At least Cordelia had seen him break down before. Once upon a time, anger had been his defense. When things became too much and he couldn’t take it anymore, he would get angry. He’d yell at people, or else he’d turn stone cold and hateful. He’d hurt so many people with that, had so many regrets. He’d learnt to stop doing that. Lately he didn’t even know how to feel angry anymore. He often just felt empty inside, tired. Sometimes he didn’t feel anything anymore, as if he wasn’t even human. But that emptiness was still preferable to this, he thought, better than being overwhelmed by emotion, by a sudden sense of helplessness and a perceived danger he wasn’t even sure wasn’t there. Although perhaps when that helplessness went away and emptiness remained, he’d wish he could just feel something.

‘Leave me alone, Cordelia!’ Alastair yelled back, summoning the last bit of his old defensiveness.

‘Alastair, can we come in?’

Thomas, his voice gentle, but Alastair could hear some anxiety in there as well. Thomas might like him, find him attractive even, but he was bound to find out Alastair couldn’t be a good partner, couldn’t fulfill his needs.

‘Please don’t!’ Alastair said. His voice broke. ‘Just… leave me, alright? You don’t need me, you can find the selkie skin without me.’

‘Alastair, I’m going to sit out here, and when you’re ready, come open the door. I’ll wait all day if I have to.’

Alastair hadn’t expected his sister to respect his request, he’d expected her to barge in, Thomas in tow, and drag him out of bed. He wasn’t sure what to do now. He clutched his hedgehog against him. He didn’t know what to do anymore. He couldn’t save Thomas. He’d disappointed Tessa. His memory wasn’t enough. He wasn’t enough.

Alastair had always thought he could accept that very few people loved him. He didn’t like most other people much and preferred the safety of his own shell anyway. But he did long to be loved, even if he did not deserve it. Thomas was bound to find out soon enough, if he even survived. Alastair knew it would be his fault if they lost Thomas, because instead of working on saving him, he was here, broken down and useless. He never knew what to make of Will and Tessa, he suspected they had this idea of him that was more about his cousin Jem than about who he was. But Jem was extraordinary, and Alastair could never live up tot that.

He gave in to the overwhelming emotion and started crying. He tried to silence the sobs in his pillow, he didn’t want anyone to know he was crying. It was pointless, he knew, but Alastair was still so ashamed of his emotions.

He wasn’t sure how long he kept going. He cried until he couldn’t anymore, and when he was finished he just felt empty. At least that sense of helplessness was away, even if what replaced it wasn’t much better. Alastair dried his eyes and got out of bed, gently stroking his hedgehog before making his bed and carefully placing the hedgehog underneath his blanket.

He figured he might as well come out. At least now he could pretend things were fine, even if his eyes were still puffy and red. When he opened the door, both Cordelia and Thomas were sitting there, relieved to see the door finally open. How long had they been there, waiting for him? Why would they do that? Tessa was there too, and Alastair immediately regretted his decision to come out of his room and wanted to retreat.

‘I truly am sorry, dr. Gray,’ Alastair said, his voice small. He couldn’t look her in the eye, but then Alastair had always struggled with eye contact. It had taken him years to figure out the appropriate times to make eye contact and force himself to do it. When he was too overwhelmed he just couldn’t do it.

‘No, I am sorry,’ Tessa said. ‘My husband confessed he encouraged you to go into the woods. But even if he hadn’t, I should not have singled you out like that.’

Alastair wasn’t sure what to make of that apology. ‘We should not have lied,’ Alastair said.

He wanted to add an explanation of the selkies skin, but he felt he was still too overwhelmed to say more than a few words. He could pretend he still had this under control, that he still knew what he was doing and could save Thomas. He could pretend he wasn’t dead and empty inside. He would do the best he could, because Thomas deserved to live. And if it cost him his life, maybe that was for the best.

Alastair wasn’t suicidal, he’d never made concrete plans to end his own life, he only had the occasional thought of death. For some weird reason, that had gotten worse at first after leaving Father. Before, Alastair had no choice but to endure, because his mother and sister needed him. If he didn’t protect them, who would? But after leaving, he’d sometimes feel like he had no purpose anymore. He no longer had to protect his mother and Cordelia, and although he was safe now too he never felt that way. At times he did feel he might be better off dead. That had improved about a month after starting his medication though, he rarely had these thoughts anymore.

‘I trust you,’ Tessa said. ‘Can I talk to you for a moment? It’s alright if you prefer another time.’

Alastair nodded, still unable to meet Tessa’s eyes. He hoped he would be able to speak properly. On rare occasions, Alastair found himself unable to get the words through no matter how much he wanted to. It was something he hadn’t found an explanation for, but there were times he was too overwhelmed to speak. Usually when he was upset, he got angry and said cold, cruel things he didn’t mean. But when things got too bad and spiraled out of control sometimes he just couldn’t get words out, something he once concealed by giving people his most hostile glare and walking away.

Tessa sat down in one of the arm chairs in his room, and Alastair sat down in the other, hoping he’d be able to actually have a conversation.

‘I’m trying to figure out what’s going on inside your head,’ Tessa said. ‘I know what I said hurt you, and I should not have put that sort of responsibility on you. I admit I’d thought that since you were careful, you might keep Lucie and the others out of trouble. But that isn’t fair to you, and I want to make sure you’re alright.’

‘It’s fine,’ Alastair managed to say, glad to be able to get at least some words out. He didn’t understand it, and it was fortunately a rare enough occurrence that he hadn’t really tried to understand it. He figured it was just another thing that was broken about him, although this was something that had been present when he was a child as well.

‘You don’t have to parent my daughter, Alastair. Nor Cordelia,’ Tessa said. ‘That is my responsibility as Lucie’s mother.’

‘I’m not like Jem,’ Alastair said.

It was not exactly a logical response to what Tessa said. There was so much more he wanted to say, but those were the words he could get out of his mouth, the thing he wanted to make clear. Because he knew Will and Tessa thought he was like Jem, and they had impossible expectations of him because of that.

‘I know,’ Tessa said. ‘If anything, you’re more like Will. And Gideon. But most of all, you’re like you. And you’re enough, as you are. It is not weakness, that you are struggling, and we all want to do what we can to support you.’

Alastair could only nod in response.

‘And if you want to go back into the woods, I won’t stop you. I know you’ll make the right call, Alastair.’

She shouldn’t trust him, she really shouldn’t. But he knew he would only make this more difficult and uncomfortable if he said that, if he could even get the words past his lips. People often didn’t understand the way he thought, and explaining his reasoning sometimes made him feel like he was crazy. He went downstairs with Thomas and Cordelia, who were still waiting outside the room.

Tessa groaned when she only saw her husband in the living room, nose stuck in a book. ‘Where did Lucie go?’

‘She’s just in the garden,’ Will said. ‘Nothing to worry about.’

Alastair sat down on the couch next to Thomas and snuggled against him. He knew he didn’t deserve this, he knew it wouldn’t last, but he couldn’t help but indulge in the moment. At least Thomas was here now. At least it was something. At least he could feel something good now with Thomas so close to him. And Charles had never done anything like this, had never held him and comforted him. He wondered how soon Thomas would get tired of this.

Cordelia went outside to find Lucie, and Will and Tessa disappeared too, Alastair wasn’t sure where to. They’d be back soon enough, he guessed, and he was comfortable like this. Thomas was warm, and his strong arms were wrapped around him and kept him safe.

‘If there’s anything you need, just tell me,’ Thomas said. ‘I’m here for you, alright?’

Alastair just nodded, leaning into Thomas, placing Thomas’ arms in such a way that it was comforting and soothing. Lucie’s Lilo and Stitch blanket was next to him, and Alastair rubbed his hands over it, enjoying how soft it felt.

He didn’t dare voice his concerns about Thomas. He expected Thomas to deny it. People always lied, and sometimes they even believed their own lies. He suspected Thomas would. Thomas was so sweet and kind and saw good in people when there was nothing. He probably believed this would work out and he could love Alastair enough to fix what was broken. But Alastair had enough experience to know love didn’t fix anything.

‘I’m serious,’ Thomas said. ‘I’m not sure yet, how all this works, what you need, but I want to figure it out.’

Alastair kept rubbing his hand on the blanket, stroking it in a repetitive motion. He was feeling a little better, but so tired.

‘I’m still figuring it out, too,’ Alastair said, feeling like he had calmed enough to speak again. ‘That’s why I’m seeing a therapist. She helped me identify triggers and find better ways to cope with sudden flashbacks and fear than anger outbursts. I used to have those all the time.’

‘I heard something from James,’ Thomas admitted. ‘About a year ago. How you burst out against him and then Cordelia broke up with him.’

‘He must have been very upset,’ Alastair said, guilt creeping over him.

‘He was,’ Thomas said. ‘I think at the time he didn’t understand why Cordelia had broken up with him. Lucie did though, she did the best she could to explain. But as James told it, you were so angry with him for no reason, and he was terrified. But I’m thinking, that must have been because of your disorder, right?’

Alastair sighed. ‘Please do not use my PTSD as an excuse for my behavior. I know I’ve said and done awful things, nothing excuses that. But yes, before I started therapy, I lashed out when I was upset. And that night, James and Cordelia were fighting over something. I’m not sure what it was about, probably something silly, and I’m guessing the fight itself must not have been so serious. But I’d just come home from my ex, and when I heard them I thought he was hurting her. I thought she was in danger. So I got angry. It never got physical, by the way. People always think I’m violent, because that’s how they view Persian men, but I’m not. Then James got angry too. And I understand. All he knew of me was the bastard I’d been when we went to school together, and he thought I was a monster. He said he didn’t understand why my sister still loved me, and when Cordelia asked him to leave, he at first refused to leave her alone with me, convinced I’d hurt my own sister.’

Alastair was shaking, even if it had been over a year ago. And honestly, he couldn’t blame James. He knew it was his fault, and he knew James’ perception of him was influenced by how he’d treated James. It would have been a lot worse coming from someone he didn’t have a past with. He knew that because of the way they looked, people expected Alastair to be violent and controlling and people expected Cordelia to be meek and submissive and in need of rescue from her family, or well, the Iranian part of her family. He knew many would assume his sister needed to be rescued from him, when he’d done everything he could to protect her.

‘Cordelia stepped in, and dragged James out before it got out of hand, and later I learnt that’s when she’d broken up with him.’

‘It’s not so much an excuse as it is an explanation,’ Thomas said. ‘We can all grow and do better, and having a disorder is not an excuse to hurt people, but I know you’re doing the best you can and I feel it would be unfair to hold you to the same standards as someone who does not have PTSD.’

Alastair wasn’t sure he agreed. More than anything, he wished he could be normal, he wished he could be in control and be good enough. He was doing the best he could, Thomas was right about that. But the best he could wasn’t enough.

‘But if I cannot be held to the same standards, what about my father?’ Alastair asked. ‘Does that mean, because addiction is a disorder as well, he cannot be held to higher standards? Could I not have expected more of him?’

Thomas frowned. ‘I don’t think it’s the same. As I said, having a disorder is not an excuse when you hurt someone. But you were very young when you did hurt people, and you stopped. You changed. You’re going to therapy. Your father never did any of that, did he?’

‘No he didn’t,’ was all Alastair said.

When he was younger, he’d been foolish enough to believe his father’s promises. He would say he’d quit, that it wouldn’t happen again, that he’d gotten better. But he never did. He wasn’t sure he could explain the disappointment, of finding his father passed out with a bottle again after believing his promises.

‘I think I’m not explaining it well,’ Thomas said. ‘I’m not sure… I know you’re sorry, for what you did, and that you’re trying to do better. But I think you lashing out because of your fear is not the same thing as someone else who is awful to people because they enjoy hurting others, or because they believe they’re better than them. You still have the responsibility to do better, but it’s not the same.’

‘I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone,’ Alastair said softly, tears in his eyes. ‘That’s the thing, I always knew it was awful, I knew what I did to people. I knew how much it hurt and I never wanted to do that to someone else. But I did it anyway, because I couldn’t take it anymore. At the time I thought those were my options, be bullied or become the bully. And I convinced myself, no matter what I did, it wasn’t as bad as they’d done to me. But that didn’t matter.’

Alastair burst into tears. He tried to stop it, to control himself, but he couldn’t. Part of him expected Thomas to let go of him, but he didn’t and Alastair leaned into him even more, closing his eyes. He could feel comfortable like this. He could pretend he was safe and protected. Thomas’ strong arms made a better illusion of safety than a lifeless stuffed hedgehog, for sure.

It was difficult, when someone could see right through him. And he knew Thomas had always seen through him. Had Thomas made excuses for his behavior back then? Had he defended him from his friends? Thomas had said he’d always seen Alastair was very sad, had he suspected something was not right? Had he used that as an excuse for the awful things he’d done? It was sweet of Thomas, for sure. But he didn’t want people to make excuses for him, he didn’t want them to pretend it was fine. He knew he didn’t deserve that.

‘You know, my father told me he was quite awful when he was in school,’ Thomas said. ‘When he went to Spain, he realized what his father had taught him was wrong and he didn’t want to be like that anymore. He deserved a second chance, and so do you. So far, you’re doing an amazing job.’

Alastair was tempted to shut Thomas down again. He wasn’t doing a good job. He’d tried to change, to be better, and at least he was no longer hurting others, but what use was it when he couldn’t help them either, when the only alternative to hurting others was hurting himself? But he was curious too, how similar was he to Gideon Lightwood? Tessa had drawn the same comparison.

‘I really can’t picture your father as a school bully,’ Alastair said, wiping at his eyes.

‘Me neither,’ Thomas admitted. ‘But he believes everyone deserves a second chance, because where would he be if he hadn’t been given one? And I find it really hard to believe what you said to me about my parents only liking you because of your power or because you want to save me. That’s not what they’re like at all.’

Alastair wasn’t sure how to explain that to Thomas. Perhaps he was making too many assumptions, but it just seemed unlikely anyone could like him for him as a person. People liking his power made much more sense. It was the only thing his father had liked about him, the only part of him he’d showed even an ounce of interest in. It was the only part Father hadn’t deemed worthless.

‘Perhaps you’re right,’ was all Alastair said, mostly because he didn’t know how to explain what he was really feeling and didn’t want Thomas to worry.

Lucie and Cordelia returned inside, both their faces serious and Alastair suspected they were still concerned about the selkie’s skin. He had run out of ideas on how to enter that world by now. He sat up, but didn’t quite move away from Thomas yet. It felt too good to be held like this, Thomas’ arms applying just the right amount of pressure to be soothing. He wanted to hold on to that feeling.

‘Okay, so I have some news,’ Lucie said. ‘Grace escaped from Tatiana again and came to deliver a message to me. She claims I am a witch and I can use dark magic to open a gateway.’

‘Doesn’t using dark magic require making a deal with something like the creature we’re trying to defeat?’ Thomas asked.

‘According to Grace, not when you’re a witch. But that’s very uncommon, apparently. And she thinks my seeing ghosts is a sign I’m a witch. Problem is, I have no clue how to do any of the things she claims I can do. What do you know about witches?’

‘All I know is, sometimes people are born with certain powers, like my memory, but as far as I know all such powers are rare and no one understands why it happens,’ Alastair said. ‘Since she’s not human, maybe she knows more.’

‘There was an evil witch a few centuries back who was defeated by your and Cordelia’s ancestor,’ Lucie said. ‘And then she turned into a mermaid, which is how Grace knew about her.’

‘Some of our ancestors did keep journals, in an attempt to improve our knowledge of the supernatural,’ Alastair said. ‘Of course, those are full of contradictions, and sometimes racist assumptions about creatures that aren’t evil or dangerous, but protected indigenous cultures from colonizers. But a story about a witch would likely be documented.’

‘Can we see these journals?’ Lucie asked. ‘I’m guessing your ancestor didn’t know much about how she did it, but he must have known what she used to fight him.’

Alastair shook his head. ‘My father has them.’

Alastair couldn’t face his father, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be ready, even if needed to. He felt tired and empty now where he was somewhat safe, but he suspected he’d fall apart if he had to confront his father. He definitely didn’t want Cordelia to have to talk to him. For a long time, she’d idolized him, but now that she knew the truth, and knew how it had affected him, she was angry.

‘Your father could ask for them,’ Thomas suggested to Lucie. ‘Will has known him for some time. Or perhaps he can ask uncle Jem to talk to Elias.’

Alastair wasn’t sure his father would listen. He wasn’t sure what to think, what to expect from his father now. He hadn’t seen him since he left, not outside his memories and nightmares. He didn’t know what his father was up to, and he didn’t want to know. All he knew was, Jem was still trying, Jem never gave up on anyone. But Alastair had given up a long time ago.

#Alastair Carstairs #Thomas Lightwood #Lucie Herondale #Cordelia Carstairs #Thomastair #Lucelia #the last hours #tlh #fanfiction

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