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reidingandwriting · 2 days

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Speak Now (Hotch's Version)

Chapter Four: Last Kiss

“Your name, forever the name on my lips”

Word Count: 1,800

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Warnings: Aaron relives some Trauma, hospital visit, mentions of blood and surgery, Aaron's brain is vvv mean to him this chapter :(

A/N- :)

Taglist: @samsgoddess

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Aaron stared ahead at the double doors, gaze unwavering from his spot in the uncomfortable hospital chair. He barely even remembers getting to the hospital, how long had he been here? Could have been seconds, could have been hours. He was vaguely aware of the rest of the team in the private room they were allowed to wait in, thanks to… Dave? Morgan, maybe? Ever since your eyes had closed, his hands on your wound to stop the bleeding, everything had blurred into incoherent nonsense.

“Hotch.” a soft voice came from beside him, followed by a gentle hand on his shoulder. JJ. “Why don’t you go and clean up a little?” Aaron glanced down at his hands, stained red and looked over at JJ before he looked back at the door. “Spence and Emily went to get a change of clothes for you, there’s a bathroom right outside.” Aaron opened his mouth to protest that no, he couldn’t leave the room. No, he couldn’t move from this spot because the last time he left you, you got shot and it was his fault. All his fault, his, his, his, his… but no words came out of his mouth. “I promise, if anything happens, I’ll come get you. But when you go to see them, you don’t want to be like this.”

Aaron couldn’t argue with that, so he nodded before he silently stood up. His brain kept screaming at him to go back, how could he leave you?, but he dragged himself to the bathroom. First he went to the sink to wash his hands, and he let the water run scalding hot as it ran from red to clear. Aaron’s hands shook under the stream of water and he took a few deep breaths to compose himself, to hold the impending panic attack at bay. You needed him to be strong, he had to be strong. He turned the water off, hands tinged red from the temperature before he started to shed his soiled clothes. Aaron tried to avoid looking at himself too much, tried to ignore the painful familiarity of these actions a few years ago, and he exited the bathroom a few minutes later. Dave waited outside the bathroom for Aaron, and Dave carefully took the bag of old clothes from Aaron.

“No updates yet,” Dave said and Aaron nodded, his head feeling heavy and hard to move, like he was moving in slow motion when the rest of the world was moving by quickly. “They’re strong, Aaron. We’ll be out of here in no time. All of us.” Aaron nodded once more before moving back to his seat, gaze glued to the doors. What felt like ages later, the doors opened and Aaron quickly stood up, legs a little unsteady but Morgan placed a hand on his shoulder to steady him.

“It was a tough surgery,” the doctor said after a moment. “Multiple organs had been damaged, there was a significant amount of internal bleeding… it was touch and go for a while. They’re currently recovering in the ICU, which we have limited to visitation for family only.”

“He’s family,” Emily said. “Fiancé.” Aaron blinked at the statement, but not surprised by Prentiss’s ease and willingness to lie her way around rules.

“My apologies. Well, Agent, if you’re ready to come see them?” Aaron nodded and turned to Emily. Wanting to thank her but unable to verbalize it. She nodded in return and Aaron knew she heard him loud and clear. Aaron followed the doctor to your room, where he continued to speak. He would have to sanitize his hands before going in, he’d be limited to half an hour in your room but was ‘more than welcome’ to stay in the ICU waiting room as long as he- and the team- wanted. Aaron hesitated in the doorway once they reached your room, where the doctor departed, and he slowly walked into your room. You looked so… small in the hospital bed. Tubes and wires surrounded you, machines attached to you, everything to keep you alive. The steady beat of your heart rate monitor and Aaron’s shaky breath were the only sounds in the room and god, he wished he could hear your voice right now.

“I’m so sorry,” Aaron forced out a whisper and he took your hand in his. The IV in your hand made his eyes water and the dam broke. Aaron held your hand to his cheek and cried. Just this morning, you were pouting because you couldn’t open your water bottle. Yesterday, you and Morgan were bickering like children over who got to ride shotgun with Aaron (you, obviously) and you taunted Morgan for his sore loser attitude while he whined about blatant favoritism. And now look at you.

A sudden rapid beeping snapped Aaron out of his thoughts and Aaron quickly hit the call button for the nurse. A team of nurses and doctors came in, words like crashing and complications filling his ears, and Aaron backed away, feeling a familiar wave of panic hit. Aaron backed into the hallway and stumbled his way into the bathroom and sliding down the wall, wheezing breaths leaving his lips. He couldn’t lose someone else he loved. He couldn’t plan another funeral, he couldn’t pretend to be strong for Jack again and hold him after telling him he lost someone else. There was a knock on the door and when Hotch lifted his head, he found himself transported back a few years ago. He was back at a funeral, at Haley’s funeral, but things were different this time. There were two caskets this time, one on each side of the chairs that had been set up. On the left was Haley’s picture propped up, her casket and floral arrangements. On the right.. On the right was yours. Aaron blinked once and the ghost of Haley sat on top of her casket, and Aaron was suddenly right in front of her.

“Such a shame. Couldn’t save me and you got another chance. Now you couldn’t save them either.” ‘Haley’ looked over and Aaron followed her gaze, panic immediately hitting as he saw you standing, the unsub a few feet away.

“Aaron!” You screamed, the sound ringing through his head as he tried to move, but his feet were planted to the ground. “Aaron!” Gunshots sounded through the room and you fell to the ground, and only then could Aaron run over to you. Right as he knelt down to grab you, you had disappeared into thin air. Aaron looked around and everything was gone. He was in a bright room, with only the sound of his name from your lips to keep him company. Aaron covered his ears, shaking.

“Aaron!” Dave’s voice startled him, and Aaron tried to back away, arm swinging out blindly. “Hey, hey, it’s me! It’s Dave, you know me. You’re okay, everything’s okay.” Aaron shook his head, barely forcing out a whisper of your name. “They had a little scare, but they’re stable now.” Aaron looked up, brows furrowed. “You’ve been out of it for a while, huh?”

“How, how long?”

“I’ve been in here for ten minutes.” Aaron rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. “Come on, let’s get you freshened up. JJ and Prentiss talked to one of the doctors and they may have convinced her to let you have a redo of your visitation.”

“I- Can-”

“If you want one of us to come in with you, I’m sure we can make it work.”

Moments later, Aaron stood in your doorway once again. Dave stood beside him, the presence comforting, and with a shaky breath, Aaron walked back inside. Aaron once again took your hand in his and sat quietly with you, Dave observing from the hall. You were okay. You would be. You had to be.

“Hotch,” Aaron startled awake when he heard Morgan’s voice and he blinked a few times and ran his hand over his face. “They’re awake.”

“They’re awake?”

“They just got moved into a recovery room, they’re asking for you,” Morgan said and Aaron stood up as quickly as he could. “Come on, man, let’s go.” Morgan had an amused lilt to his voice and the two men walked to your room. When they made it to your room, Aaron was happy to see you awake and talking to the nurse checking over you. “Emily is making calls now about them being awake. We’ll give you some privacy until everyone else gets here.” Morgan patted Aaron’s shoulder before he waved in the direction of your room. Aaron looked over and saw you waving back at Morgan, a smile on your face and then you made eye contact with him. Aaron walked in and your smile seemed to grow bigger, and you patted the bed. Aaron carefully sat beside you, and you held your hand out for him. Aaron took your hand and you looked up at him.

“Hey, what’s with the long face?” You brought your other hand up to Aaron’s face, cupping his cheek. You rubbed your thumb over his cheekbone and frowned when you saw his eyes begin to water. “Aaron… I’m okay. I promise.”

“You almost weren’t. You almost died, twice, and it was my-”

“Don’t finish that sentence. It wasn’t your fault, and the rational part of you knows that. It could’ve happened to you or Emily, or anyone,” you said.

“You almost died and I.. I couldn’t stop thinking about the last conversation we had. How I had gotten mad at you before you were shot. I kept thinking about the last time you smiled, the last time you had seen Jack, the last time I had kissed you. I, I didn’t want those to be my last happy memories with you.” Aaron’s voice cracked and you shuffled closer to Aaron, burying your face into the crook of his neck and letting out a gentle sigh.

“I promise they won’t be. Not getting rid of me that easily, Hotchner.” Aaron laughed and wrapped an arm around you.

“I am perfectly okay with that.”

Later, the rest of the team came by to visit you. Penelope, on video chat, so she could see you while she was stuck in Quantico. You may have gone through the scariest moment of your life this far. You knew it would be a hard recovery, but you had Aaron. You had your team. You would be okay.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds x reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner x reader #hotch #aaron hotchner #hotchner x reader #hotch x reader #criminal minds hotch #agent!reader #bau!reader #criminal minds imagine

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illeniazeepee · 4 months

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I feel like we don’t speak about this enough.

#ant and dec #ant mcpartlin #declan donnelly #this is the kind of thing someone more than just a friend would say #they are family #protective ant #he changes ‘means the world’ to ‘means everything’ and I feel like this is significant.

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hannieehaee · 5 months

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them accidentally ditching you on your bday pt. 2 - vu

content: angsty, gender neutral, established relationship, etc.

part 1

wc: 4512

a/n: lmk if u want a pu ver pls <3 if there's part i forgot to make gender neutral pls lmk!!

masterlist

jeonghan -

jeonghan had no idea what to do. he'd never been in this position before. he prided himself in being a good friend and specially boyfriend. nothing in this world mattered to him more than his loved ones, which was why he was extremely disappointed in himself at having disregarded you and hurt your feelings in such a careless way. he knew it was your birthday, and he had wanted so badly to be with you, but he had been an idiot and let it slip his mind. there was no other way to put it. it made him sad more than anything, to know that you had spent the night worried over him only to wake up to zero communication from him, having spent a good 14 hours into your birthday without any word from him. he needed to fix this, he just didnt know how.

this was so unlike him. jeonghan had always known himself to be an attentive person. he noticed any time you changed your hair almost immediately, he'd notice new additions to your recipes, he'd take note of any time you switched things up in your apartment, he'd remember any and every important date. even now. he had remembered it, except he had skipped over it due to his idiocy, which really only made it worse.

after getting mocked by joshua for ten minutes as he racked his brain to find a solution, he decided to just improvise. he'd go to your apartment and see if you'd at least let him in to try and explain his way through an apology. he would pull all the dramatics if he had to. there was not a single care for his dignity in his mind right now. nothing would prevent him from showing you his utmost remorse.

only thirty minutes later and he was now outside your apartment window, looking up from his secluded spot inside the complex's garden. he pondered about calling you, but decided that going for a more unconventional route might do the trick a bit better. spotting some pebbles nearby, he grabbed a few, beginning to chuck them at your window. okay, kind of corny, but knowing you, he knew you'd appreciate the thought. he spent an unfortunate ten minutes throwing pebble after pebble until you finally opened your window, sticking your head out as soon as you spotted him down below.

"jeonghan. what the hell are you doing?", you seemed and sounded pissed. but, hey! that was a good sign. at least you were acknowledging his presence.

"my love!', he clutched at his heart, 'let me come see you. please. i want to apologize."

"fuck you, yoon jeonghan. why dont you go treat your hangover somewhere else?", you went to close your window, only to stop in your tracks as he yelled out again.

"wait! do you want me to beg? i will. i love you. i dont care what i have to do. i'll climb to the roof and profess my love for you for all of seoul to hear," yes, he was being overly dramatic, but he was also being genuine. if you actually wanted him to scream out to the world how much he regretted his stupidity, he would. you didnt even have to ask.

but he also knew public displays were a huge no for you, dating an idol and knowing the controversies being known as the significant other of the yoon jeonghan would bring. he was putting you in a bit of a spot. you could either let him up to apologize, or wake up to some ominous article stating yoon jeonghan of seventeen might be taken.

fortunately for him, you chose the former, which now placed him in your living room as you crossed your arms and huffed at him. okay, one step at a time. it was time to put jokes aside and get serious.

"angel ... i'm so sorry," he cooed at you, stepping forward a bit.

"jeonghan, dont talk to me like im a baby. im not in the mood."

"but you are my baby," he pouted at you, "you're my angel, my everything. i'm sorry. i didnt show you how much you mean to me last night. all i want to do is love you and take care of you. you can punish me all you want. i deserve it. but please let me sleep in your arms. im already away from you most of the time. dont deprive me one more day," and he meant all he said. you were his favorite form of comfort, and the thought of you being angry or hurt by him made him scared. he never wanted to risk you being ripped away from his arms, specially not due to his own doing.

"jeonghan ..."

"no, wait. i'm sorry. i shouldve never forgotten. i dont know how it happened. all i ever want to do every day is come back home to you, but i did the opposite on the worst day possible. i'll apologize over and over until you forgive me if that's what it takes. please just let me be with you on your birthday. i dont want you alone. i dont want you sad. i want you happy and content in my arms. please? i love you."

he mustve broken you down, as you landed in his arms immediately after he finished his speech. he couldve sworn he saw you eyes puffy and swollen before he wrapped his arms around you. his suspicion was confirmed just seconds later when he heard you sniffle against him.

"aigooo, no angel. dont cry. didnt wanna make you cry. you're making me look like such a bad guy, baby, making you cry on your birthday," he cooed at you as he held you as tight as possible.

you separated yourself from him, finally looking into his eyes while he caressed your cheeks, wiping any lone tears in them, "im so sorry, angel. forgive me? let me stay, please."

"yes, hannie. i love you."

"i love you so much more," and he'd spend the rest of his life the day showing that to you.

joshua -

joshua had not been this hungover in a while. he wasnt sure how this happened. last thing he remembered was his manager rushing him into a car right after the award show, letting the group know they'd been invited to an after party, and the company had deemed it smart to be in attendance for public image purposes. all members agreed enthusiastically, excited to mingle among their peers and maybe make some new connections in the process. joshua had been the lone member to be skeptical, knowing he had promised he'd be back to the hotel at an appropriate time in order to get on the phone with you and celebrate what was remaining of your birthday with you despite the current distance between you. however, he did not want to get in the way of his members' fun, so he kept any objections to himself and joined them with matching enthusiasm.

his original plan was to roam the party for an hour or so, which wouldve allowed him to get back to call you on time, but ironically, time got away from him. the next thing he knew, he was waking up at 11am in the morning in mingyu's hotel room, head pounding and phone full of unread notifications. he wasnt sure how this happened. the last thing he remembered was being at the party, margarita in hand as he and his members drank their souls away in celebration of yet another successful award show season. it was around three margaritas in that joshua had begun to disregard his phone, and with that you as well. as soon as he saw the dejection in your messages upon waking up, he spammed you with texts and voice memos expressing his regret, but received no response from you. he had hurt you and now you were ignoring him. and with good reason.

joshua knew that there wasnt much he could do from his current location, specially while you were (justifiably) icing him out. so he committed to his next best option. he immediately booked a ticket back to korea, letting his manager know that he'd just be returning home two days in advance to the rest of the members. all they had scheduled left was an interview tomorrow, so his absence would probably not have that big of an effect. five grueling hours later and he arrived to korea, exhausted and still slightly hung over, but with a whole speech planned to beg for your forgiveness.

in the process, he had tried calling you again and again, still earning no response. this disheartened him, making him think that maybe his grand gesture would only be taken negatively. he picked up some flowers on the way, gift he had bought in japan a few days ago in hand, ready to knock on your apartment door. despite the exhaustion, he was here. a day late to celebrate your birthday, but still here nonetheless.

your face upon answering the door had been of surprise, not anger like he feared, but that only lasted for a few seconds until you started to berate him.

"joshua? what are you doing here?"

"baby, i'm so so sorry. can i come in? please?"

you moved aside without further words, gesturing for him to continue talking.

he suddenly remembered the flowers and boxed gift in hand, signaling to them before handing them to you, "oh, these are for you," he felt extremely inadequate, something that was very rare for him. he had practiced a whole speech, a whole profession of love and regret, but now his mind was blank. you just looked so. disappointed. he couldn't stand it.

'i'm sorry. i- i have no good excuse. the party got the best of me and i completely spaced out on our plans. i never meant to forget about you. please believe me.'

"joshua ... this was your idea. you had me waiting all night just to ghost me. you spent my birthday partying without even thinking of me."

he grabbed onto your hands, placing the flowers and gift on the table before doing so. he held onto you as he began to get exasperated in his speech, "there's no world in which i wasn't thinking of you. you're all thats ever on my mind. i didnt even wanna go to that stupid party, but i didnt want to inconvenience anyone. please, i- i wanted to call you. i ... yeah, i got drunk and distracted. and thats my fault. im sorry. i came back early to be with you. to make up for being a dumbass. please let me make it up to you. please? i'll serenade you like i promised. i'll get on my knees. do you want me to get on my-"

you interrupted him as he began to kneel halfway through his speech, slapping at him lightheartedly as he began to get more dramatic by the second. he knew it was hard for you to get angry at him when he started pulling all stops like he did. he came back and begged on his knees, even offered to express his love to you through song. he was making you hold in your laugh. these were all good signs, right?

"you .. you're such an idiot, hong jisoo. i hate you," but he knew you didnt mean it. he could hear and see the smile on your face, knowing he had been successful at wearing you down.

"if you ever do this again, ill date jeonghan instead."

"ouch!", he dramatically grabbed onto his chest, as if you'd just wounded his heart, causing you to laugh, "hannie? okay, can't blame you. he's pretty cute," he chuckled, "but for now ... let me spend the day with my love? hmm?", he pulled you closer, nuzzling his nose against yours as you feigned annoyance at him.

"fine," you rolled your eyes, "i'm still mad at you, though."

yeah, he had a lot of making up to do, but this was a start.

jihoon -

jihoon had not stopped beating himself up over his actions ever since you hung up the phone. he had spent the entirety of the day rethinking all his choices leading up to this. he had wanted to go running to you and apologize, but you had specifically asked him to stay away, so he wanted to respect your wishes. still, he felt like complete and utter shit at the way he disregarded you so easily. he wished he could go back in time and slap some sense into himself.

he had always been scared. scared that his job would someday get in the way of your relationship. it had been so hard for him to find someone to love; someone who loved him just as much. and the moment he found you he treasured you more than anything, but now his stupid workaholic tendencies had gotten in the way. he was terrified right now that you'd start to see the error in your choice to be with him. that you'd want to find someone who wouldnt so easily put his job over everything else.

it was now 11am of the following day, and you had not called him yet. he was beginning to get worried. were you icing him out? had he hurt you that badly? he could never blame you for feeling hurt at his neglect, but he could also not help his own feelings of dejection at you ignoring him due to your anger. alas, he still gave you all reason; this had been his own doing.

he waited a couple hours before giving up on waiting, instead choosing to confide in a few of his members to inquire as to what they'd do if they ever pulled something like this with their own significant others. after being scolded for a good few minutes due to his carelessness towards you, they told him that maybe showing up to your apartment as a demonstration of his affection to you (joined by a sincere apology, of course) would make you look his way again.

so now he was here, about to knock on your door with your favorite flowers in hand. he was terrified. the two of you had never fought. there had never been a single time in which you'd hurt each other's feelings. it had all been nothing but love and tenderness in your relationship thus far. he was your best friend, and you were his. yet he had no idea how to communicate to you how much you meant to him, and how much of a stupid mistake his slip up had been.

before he could think further, he forced himself to knock on your door, hoping you wouldnt immediately throw him out. to his surprise, you opened the door and even wordlessly gestured for him to enter. you looked ... sad. you looked the way he'd feel had you ghosted him on his own birthday. yeah, he didnt care much for his birthday, but your absence would wound him nonetheless. he imagined it felt the same for you.

"i ... i'm so sorry. i dont know what to say .. i- i fucked up. so badly. i have no idea how or why i forgot. there's nothing i can do to make up for it, but please know im so fucking sorry."

"jihoon ... how? you picked my birthday of all days to lock yourself in your studio? i've never judged your busy schedule. i understand your career. i respect it. i get that you cant help being busy. your job is too demanding of your time, but for you to ignore me when you had full control of your free time? why?", he could see how disappointed you felt at his neglect; how hurt you felt at him, not only through your words, but through your closed off body language. you were hugging yourself with your arms, not holding eye contact as you stared anywhere but into his eyes. despite your confident words, your demeanor was deflated. and it was his fault.

"it was- it was a mistake. it was all my fault. i cant argue my way around it. but i love you. i didnt .. i didnt mean to neglect you. you're all i think about. every song ive ever written, even before meeting you, was about you. you're everything. i'm just an idiot. i dont know how to do this ... ive never loved like this. i have no idea what to do when i fuck up. all i can do is promise you to be better. please give me a chance to be better. i'll be more attentive. i know i'm cold, and im not too affectionate, but i love you. i'll make it up to you. please, just dont let this be the end. i'll keep you in my studio with me whenever i lock myself away. won't ever go a day without letting you know what im doing, how im doing. please. i'll do anything to show you."

he worried his ramble mightve been too much, feeling to scared to even hold eye contact with you as he went on and on about how much he loved you. unexpectedly, upon looking up, he found your reddened eyes, with a stuffy nose to match. fuck. had he hurt your feelings again?

"jihoon ... i- i love you. i'm sorry. i cant believe you could ever think i wanted this to be the end. i was hurt and mad- i am hurt, but i love you," you sniffled your way through your short speech, but jihoon heard it perfectly fine. these were the words he prayed to hear from you all of last night as he stayed up thinking about you.

"fuck. thank god," he couldnt help himself in hugging you, holding you tightly against his arms, and sighing in relief at your reciprocation, "i love you. i'll take the week off. let me take you away and show you how much you mean to me. please? will you come with me?"

"yes, jihoon. i love you."

"i love you. you have no idea."

seokmin -

seokmin felt extremely scared. you weren't answering any of his calls. he knew you were physically okay, but he also knew your feelings were hurt, and you were probably extremely angry at him. you had all reason to be angry at him. he ditched you and kept you in the dark all day. on your birthday! seokmin had never been in a situation like this before. he had always prided himself in being the best boyfriend that one could ever be, even sometimes introducing himself as your boyfriend instead of with his own name. except today he had disappointed both you and himself beyond belief.

he knew you'd asked him to stay away for the night, and he'd usually respect your one and every wish, but today he needed to go against the current and go and beg for your forgiveness.

in very non-seokmin fashion, he exited the event just as quickly as he'd arrived, not even caring to say goodbye to his friends. you were his number one priority, after all. specially today of all days. he had his driver stop by a flower shop on the way, hoping the innocent gesture would maybe have you show some mercy on his stupidity.

he showed up to your apartment immediately after, having mentally prepared a whole speech for you on the way there. he was going to tell you how much he loved you, and how this was just a completely stupid slip of his mind, that this would never happen again, but all these thoughts left his mind as soon as you opened the door, eyes swollen and glossy. every rational thought went out the window upon spotting your saddened state causing seokmin's eyes to match your own as he felt himself begin to tear up. he couldnt help himself in immediately embracing you in a tight hug, thanking god when he felt you hold him back.

you two sniffled against each other for a bit, neither of you full on crying, but still being overly emotional at the situation. seokmin mumbled endless apologies against your hair, running his hands up and down your back as if to soothe you. he was over the moon to hear an 'i love you' from you in the middle of your sorrowful mumbles against his chest, doubling the sentiment as he cried to you how much he loved you and how badly he regretted letting you slip his mind for even a second. when he pulled back, he expressed the same sentiment all over again.

"my baby ... i love you so much. please let me make it up to you. i- i brought you flowers!", he finally recalled the flowers he had dropped as soon as you closed the door behind him ten minutes ago, "i know it doesnt make up for anything, but please let it be a start. i'll do anything you want. just want you to never cry over me like this again, baby. i love you too much to make you cry," he wiped at your tears as he said this, caressing your cheeks while he looked at you with pure adoration in his eyes.

"minnie," you pouted at him, "stay the night? please? want you at least for the bit that's left of today."

"today? oh, baby. i'm giving you my whole week. told you i was gonna make it up to you. i'll do everything you want, my love. now let me take you to bed, yeah? wanna hold my beautiful angel to sleep."

he slept soundly that night, knowing you had somehow forgiven him and even given him the privilege to hold you in his sleep, also knowing he'd do anything and everything necessary to make up for his stupid mistake.

seungkwan -

he had put literally everyone else above you. on your birthday. there was truly no other way to spin it. he had never felt more guilt in his life, and it was all completely on him. having even thought of going out with his friends on your birthday shouldve given him the first red flag in his stupid plan. why didnt he just bring you along? god, he was such an idiot. and then allowing mingyu and dongmin to entice him into a two hour long live broadcast just to secure some fanservice was just the nail in the coffin.

he knew he hurt you badly. he had promised you he'd be there, but had just left you in the dark all day. he couldnt blame you for not wanting to see him today, but now he was stuck tossing and turning in his bed as he itched to hold you in his arms. he had called the company immediately after your call, letting them know he'd be skipping the usual dance practice and recordings in favor of being with you, which is what he should've done all day today.

it wasnt long until he grew too restless to simply stay in bed while he knew you were probably in a similar position, except most likely sad and angry. he couldnt help himself when he decided to head to you, feeling bad at calling up his driver at such late hours of the night. the journey to your apartment was a short one, which left him with little time to think over what he'd say to you in order to convey his regret. he didnt care much for what he said, he just wanted to alleviate your hurt somehow.

just as he expected, you were awake, now standing in front of him as you opened the door to your apartment. your eyes were puffy, a huge indicator that you'd been crying. your eyes also wouldnt meet his, with your eyebrows lowered in clear sadness. seeing you and knowing your current state was his fault felt like a kick in the gut. he had never made you cry before, so he was extremely disappointed in himself. worst of all, seeing you cry made him start to tear up a bit himself.

"baby ..."

"what do you want, kwan? i thought you were busy all day," your words carried venom behind them, but your delivery was still of someone who had been hurt.

"no, baby. you know that's not true. i'm never too busy for you. i'm so sorry. i was such an idiot. there arent enough apologies i could give you. i- i never meant to hurt your feelings."

"you still did."

"i ... i know. i'm sorry. i love you. the last thing i ever want is for you to be hurt by me. i never shouldve gone out with my friends to begin with. you're too understanding of my busy schedule, and i dont deserve it. i shouldve made time all day for you today."

"was ... was it that important? being gone today specifically?", you seemed insecure in your question, which only made seungkwan's heart soar at making you feel insecure around him in any way.

"no! no, of course not. i wasnt thinking. i shouldve told them id go with them next time, or taken you with me! i was so stupid, i'm sorry. you're my priority. i need you to know that."

"it's- it's fine, kwannie. i understand. you dont see your friends that often, you-"

"no! stop. dont try to rationalize it. i made a mistake. you dont have to cover for me. i hurt you and i made you feel unimportant when you're the most important person to me. im so sorry. please never doubt that. i get you all to myself so little, and staying away from you was such a stupid mistake."

more tears had started flowing down your cheeks the further the conversation went on. he wasnt sure if it was because you were touched by his words, or because he was failing at making you feel better. as he neared you enough to wipe your tears with his thumbs, he hoped it was the former.

"baby .. don't cry over me. please. i'm just an idiot. you should never cry over me. i only ever want you to feel good things when thinking of me. i- im so sorry."

"kwannie ... i love you. i understand. i know you dont want me to understand, but i do. you have to make your choices when you're as busy as you are, and .. even though it did make me feel unimportant, i get it."

"it'll never happen again. i'll- i'll keep you by my side day and night. let me- please let me keep you to myself tomorrow. just wanna be with you. please?"

for the first time in the night, he saw you shoot him a small smile, uttering the words he wanted to hear most, "yes, kwannie. will you .. will you stay? please"

"you don't even have to ask."

a/n: thank u to everyone who enjoyed this lil series aaaa i hope it was realistic enough T-T sorry if the reconciliation seemed rushed, i just didnt want any of them to end up with an angsty ending hehe also sorry for seokmin's being shorter than anyone's i just cannot imagine that man ever hurting anyone's feelings.

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pucksandpower · 7 months

Text

The Center Cannot Hold

Charles Leclerc x wife!Reader

Summary: one cruel diagnosis sends your hopes and dreams crashing down in painful shards around you

Warnings: cancer, medical procedures, infertility, religion, recommendation to terminate pregnancy

The sun sneaks through slits in the blinds, casting patches of warmth on your shared bed. You’re nestled against Charles’ chest, his heartbeat a gentle hum beneath your ear.

“Morning,” he murmurs, voice thick with sleep.

You smile, shifting around to meet his gaze. “It’s beautiful outside.”

Charles brushes a stray hair behind your ear. “Every day with you is beautiful.”

There’s a silent pause as the two of just stare at each other. You both know there is more to this morning than mere pleasantries. You think of the tiny stick in the bathroom, far more significant than its small size would have you believe.

“Should we?” You ask hesitantly.

He nods, pressing a soft kiss on your forehead. “Together.”

You both rise hand in hand, making the short walk to the bathroom. Your hands tremble as you reach for the plastic stick on the granite counter.

With a deep breath, you pick it up.

Two lines.

Positive.

Tears prick your eyes and you turn to Charles. “Look,” your voice barely a whisper.

He chokes on air. “Is this ... are we really”

“We did it,” you confirm, tears streaming freely.

Charles’ eyes shimmer with unshed tears of his own. He pulls you into his arms, burying his face in your hair. “We’re going to be parents.”

You pull back slightly, placing a hand on your stomach. “Our baby.”

He nods, laughing softly through his tears. “Our little miracle.”

Holding the test between you both, you share a look of wonder. It feels like the universe has just shifted and realigned in the most beautiful way.

***

The waiting room is a sea of neutral tones and the soft murmurs of hushed conversations. You sit, nervously tapping your fingers on your knee, while Charles wraps an arm around your shoulders in an attempt to calm you.

He leans down to whisper in your ear, “You alright?”

You give him a small, tense smile. “Just a bit nervous. First-time jitters, I guess.”

Charles gives your hand a reassuring squeeze. “Everything will be fine. It’s just a routine check-up.”

Before you can respond, a soft voice calls out, “Mrs. Leclerc?”

You both rise and follow the nurse as she leads you into a cozy exam room, pastel walls adorned with photos of smiling babies and happy families.

After a series of routine checks and questions, the mood remains light. However, when the doctor enters, a middle-aged woman with a kind face, there’s a subtle shift in the air, a feeling that’s hard to pin down.

“First-time parents?” She asks with a warm smile, trying to put you at ease.

Charles nods, beaming with pride. “Yes and we’re over the moon about it.”

She returns the smile but then her expression becomes more clinical, professional, as she reviews the ultrasound. The room is filled with the sound of the machine and your quiet exhalations.

Minutes stretch on, the silence growing more pronounced. The doctor’s brows furrow, her lips pressed into a thin line.

Charles, sensing the change, grips your hand tighter. “Is everything alright?”

She hesitates for a moment before turning to face you both. “Your baby seems healthy but there’s something concerning about your cervix. I would like to run a few more tests to be sure.”

Your heart plummets, the room suddenly feeling colder. “What ... what do you mean?”

She chooses her words carefully, “There is a chance that it is just a benign irregularity but we need to be certain.”

Tests turn into more tests and the hours seem to blur. Charles is fidgeting anxious mess beside you but his thumb never stops stroking your hand.

Finally, the doctor returns, the weight of the world seemingly on her shoulders. “I won’t sugarcoat it,” she begins heavily. “The results point to cervical cancer.”

Silence deafens the room. The world around you blurs and you feel Charles’ arms wrap around you, holding you as if you might shatter.

“No,” Charles whispers, his voice breaking. “There must be a mistake.”

The doctor looks at you with sympathy. “I wish there was. We caught it early but it’s aggressive. My recommendation would be to terminate the pregnancy and begin treatment immediately.”

Your mind races, heartbreak and disbelief clashing within. “Terminate? But our baby ...”

She gently cuts you off. “It’s the best chance to save your life.”

Your vision blurs, the reality of her words crashing over you like a tidal wave. The room, with its softly painted walls and happy baby pictures, suddenly feels like a cruel mockery.

Charles eyes are clouded over with tears and despair. “Please,” he whispers, holding your face between his trembling hands. “I can’t lose you.”

You choke back a sob, the enormity of the situation making it hard to breathe. “But our baby, Charles. Our little miracle.”

He hugs you close, his voice muffled as he buries his face your hair. “I know. But I need you. We promised each other forever, remember?”

You clutch at him, memories of shared dreams and whispered promises flooding back. The villa by the sea that you would fill with warmth and laughter, growing old together, watching sunsets side by side.

“I can’t imagine a life without you,” he continues, voice breaking. “Not a single day.”

The pain in his words cuts deep, each syllable a raw wound. You hide your face in his chest, tears soaking his shirt.

“We wanted this baby so much,” you whisper brokenly.

“I know,” Charles chokes out. “But I need you with me. I can’t be alone. I can’t live without you.”

***

The soft glow of a lamp casts long shadows, making the room feel both intimate and immense. You sit on the couch, a soft blanket draped around your shoulders, staring blankly at the tea that has long gone cold in your mug.

Charles sits opposite you, unmoving. He clears his throat, searching for words, “I’ve been thinking ... about what the doctor said.”

You look up, meeting his gaze, a storm brewing within it. “So have I.”

Charles closes his eyes, struggling with his emotions. “I can’t bear the thought of a world without you in it. I would be content, you know? To grow old, just the two of us, if it means I spend every day of my life with you by my side.”

Your heart aches, tears pricking your eyes. “Charles, our baby ...”

He cuts you off, voice filled with raw emotion. “I know. But you’re my world. I can’t lose you. I won’t lose you.”

A heavy silence settles between you two, the weight of unsaid words pressing down.

You take a deep breath, “I want this baby. I want our baby. But I also want to grow old with you, to be there for every race, for every win and every loss, on and off the track.”

He reaches across, taking your hand in his, fingers interlocking. “We’ve faced so much together. But this is tearing me apart. I just want you safe.”

You squeeze his hand, searching his eyes. “If I choose the baby, will you ... will you resent me? Will you resent them? If I choose the baby, and ... leave you alone?”

He looks away, the pain of thinking about it clear on his face, “Never. I would be lost. Completely and utterly lost. But I’ll never hold it against you. Or them. I’ll cherish our child but my heart ... my heart would be forever broken.”

You both sit in silence, lost in your thoughts.

“I’ve made up my mind.”

Charles looks at you intently, waiting.

“I’m going to keep the baby.”

He shuts his eyes tightly but a tear manages to slip through the crack and down his face. “I will support whatever decision you make. I just ... I love you so much.”

You move closer, wrapping your arms around him. “I love you too. We’ll face this together, no matter what.”

As you lay down beside Charles, the comfort of the familiar sheets beneath you, he wraps an arm around you, pulling you close. You can feel the tension in his body, the struggle to be the rock, to be strong.

In the quiet darkness, you feel more than hear his silent sobs, the tremors that shake his frame. You reach out, intertwining your fingers with his, offering the only comfort you can as the world falls apart around you.

***

“Please, mon amour, just eat something,” Charles implores, voice laced with worry as he holds out a plate of your favorite pasta.

The aroma drifts to you, making your stomach churn, but you force a weak smile. “I’ll try.”

It’s been months since that fateful doctor’s appointment. The specter of cancer looms over your pregnancy like a dark cloud, casting shadows on the joy you should be feeling.

Days blur into one another. Doctor visits are now your routine. Charles, who once sped around racetracks with fearless abandon, now navigates the hospital corridors with a silent determination.

There are days when weakness consumes you, moments when you can’t summon the strength to get out of bed. Charles has become your lifeline, helping you dress, making sure you eat, and even carrying you when your legs give out.

“I can’t do this,” you whisper to him one night, tears tracing down your cheeks. “I’m not strong enough.”

He cradles your face, his own eyes brimming with tears he refuses to shed. “You are the strongest person I know. You’re carrying our baby. That’s the bravest thing anyone can do.”

The pain is relentless, a constant companion. Each doctor’s visit brings more bad news. The cancer is spreading and your body is weakening. Yet, you cling to hope, to the belief that your love for each other can conquer anything.

One evening, you're curled up on the couch, aching and exhausted. Charles, sitting beside you, traces a finger along your cheek, his touch gentle as he tries to be strong for both of you.

“You’re my world,” he murmurs, voice thick with emotion. “I hate seeing you like this but I would rather be with you in this darkness than without you in the light.”

Tears well up in your eyes as you reach for his hand. “We’ll get through this together. Our love is stronger than anything. Even cancer.”

But you’re not sure how much you can believe that anymore.

***

“You’re playing with fire,” your sister blurts out the moment she steps into your living room. Her eyes are red, mascara messily smudged around them.

Charles’ jaw clenches but before he can retort, your father interjects, his voice roughened by age and worry, “She means you’re risking too much. We all see it.”

You sink further into the couch under the weight of their stares. “I know what I’m doing.”

“Do you really?” Your mother questions wetly. “Every time we see you, you’re paler, weaker. Is it worth it?”

Charles steps forward, taking your hand. “It’s her choice. And I’ll stand by her through everything.”

Your best friend sighs deeply. “We’re just scared for you. We don’t want to lose you.”

The room becomes a whirlwind of opinions, tears, and pleas. They all mean well, you know that, but the their concerns feel suffocating.

The tension escalates, words sharper than intended, when suddenly Charles explodes, “That’s enough! It’s her decision and it’s not up for you to debate.”

The room falls silent.

Your sister speaks up, “We just love you, that’s all.”

Charles collapses onto the couch beside you, burying his face in his hands. “And you think I don’t? I don’t want to be a widower. A single father looking at our child and seeing only the love we lost,” he admits in a hushed tone, his voice breaking. “It’s the only thing I see whenever I close my eyes. It plagues my dreams. But that love means supporting Y/N even if seeing what she’s going through breaks my heart.”

You pull him close. “I know. But I need to hold onto hope. To believe we can have it all. Our baby and a lifetime together.”

He gazes deep into your eyes. “I love you. More than words can say. I just want you with me, always.”

Tears flow freely down your cheeks as you reach for his hand. “I know you’re scared. I am too. But I believe in us, in our love. And I can’t bear to let go of our baby.”

He wraps you in a hug and you can feel his body trembling. “I don’t want to lose you but I can’t stand to see you suffer like this either.”

***

“Do you think they’ll have your eyes?” Charles murmurs, his hand gently resting on your swollen belly, fingers tracing small circles.

You smile weakly, feeling the flutter of tiny kicks in response. “Or your fearless spirit?”

He chuckles softly, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to your baby bump. “Hey there, little racer. Promise me you’ll take after your mother more.”

Despite the weariness that constantly lingers, these quiet moments fill your heart with warmth.

“Imagine,” you whisper one evening, “our little one’s first day of school or their first race if they decide to follow in their papa’s footsteps.”

Charles grins, “And inheriting their maman’s stubborn streak will surely mean they’ll be a world champion.”

As your body grows heavier with the weight of the pregnancy and growth of the cancer, your time spent outside the confines of your bed becomes increasingly limited. The facade Charles wears for your benefit becomes increasingly brittle. He’s your rock, never letting his worries show in front of you, but you still see the toll it’s taking on him.

One evening, after ensuring you’re comfortably tucked in, Charles kisses your forehead softly and whispers, “Rest, mon amour. I’ll be right here.”

Drifting into a fitful sleep, you wake to the muffled sound of heart-wrenching sobs. Curiosity pulls you from the warm cocoon of your bed with the last of your strength, guiding you towards the soft light spilling from the slightly ajar bathroom door.

Listening closer, you can hear Charles’ broken voice, “I can’t ... I can’t lose her. Not like this.”

You press your hand to your mouth, tears spilling down your cheeks as you realize he’s on a call, probably with one of his brothers.

“You don’t understand,” Charles continues, his voice trembling with emotion. Every time I look at her, I see our future slipping away. Our dreams, our plans ... everything is fading into ashes.”

There’s a pause, punctuated with stifled sobs. “I have to be strong for her but it’s tearing me apart. Every smile I wear, every reassurance I give, it all feels like a lie because I am so freaking scared.”

Your heart aches, hearing the raw pain in his voice, knowing all this time he’s been shielding you from his own agony.

Silently, you retreat, not wanting him to know you’ve overheard. Slipping back into bed, you grapple with the weight of the shared pain, the collective heartache that has become your reality.

Minutes later, Charles returns to the bedroom. His eyes red-rimmed but determined. He sends a shaky smile your way, “How’s my brave girl?”

You reach out, trying to pull him against your chest with tired arms. “Let’s be brave together.”

He nods, choking back fresh tears. “Together. No matter what.”

***

The old church stands quietly in Maranello, its tall steeple pointing skyward, as if reaching out to the heavens. Inside, the soft glow of candles flickers as the side door swings open. Don Pietro, an aging priest with kind eyes lined with crow’s feet, is startled by the sudden entrance.

“Charles?” His voice, filled with surprise, echoes softly in the hushed space.

Charles’ normally confident stride is replaced with hesitation. “Don Pietro,” he tries to muster a smile but fails. “I ... I didn’t know where else to go.”

The priest approaches, eyes filled with concern. “I’ve been worried. When Ferrari announced you were taking a season off, I prayed for you.”

Charles chuckles bitterly, “Prayers. Never thought I would be seeking those.”

Don Pietro studies him for a moment. “Pain has a way of making us turn to the unexpected.”

Charles’ face contorts in anguish. “I’ve always called myself an atheist. After Jules ... after my father ... I felt abandoned by any god that might exist. But now, she’s ... she’s everything to me and I’m powerless to stop losing her.”

The priest’s voice is soft when he replies, “Life may test us in ways we can’t comprehend. But God never gives us more than we can bear.”

Charles’ laugh is hollow, devoid of mirth. “Bear? I can’t bear the thought of a world without her. Tell me, how does a loving god allow such pain?”

Don Pietro sighs, the weight of many years shining through. “I won’t pretend to know all the answers but sometimes faith is all we have.”

“I feel like I’m being punished, like I’m cursed. Why else would I lose the people I love most?” Charles looks at the ground, his shoulders slumped in defeat as he takes a shuddering breath. “I would give anything ... anything to save her. I have thought to visit mosques, synagogues, temples ... anywhere some higher power might listen to my pleas. I’m desperate, Don Pietro.”

The priest speaks gently, “Turning to God in times of despair is not weakness. It’s human. But faith is not about bargaining, it’s about having trust.”

A tear rolls down Charles’ cheek. “I’m so scared. Every night, I watch her sleep, wondering if it will be our last night together. I would gladly give up everything else if it means she stays with me.”

The priest reaches out, placing a comforting hand on Charles’ shoulder. “Then let’s pray, my son. Let us pray together.”

The tears turn to a steady stream rolling down Charles’ cheeks as he falls to his knees. “Please ... I’ll do anything. Just don’t take her away.”

Don Pietro kneels beside him. “God hears you, Charles. And He knows your pain.”

They stay united in prayer. Two souls reaching out to the heavens and begging for a miracle.

***

“It’s too early,” you gasp, clutching the bed sheets as another contraction grips you.

Charles is by your side, panic evident in his eyes even as he tries to keep you calm. “Breathe, love. Just breathe. We’ll get through this.”

But the pain is relentless, each contraction more intense than the last. The hospital room is a blur of activity, doctors and nurses rushing around, preparing for the premature delivery.

“You need to stay strong,” one of the nurses urges, trying to guide you through the pain.

Charles, pale and shaking, holds your hand so tightly it’s almost painful. “Stay with me,” he pleads, his voice breaking. “You and our baby, both of you, stay with me. Please.”

The labor is grueling, each passing minute a test of your willpower and strength. Charles is crumbling into pieces beside you, every ounce of his pain clearly written across his face.

“I can’t lose you,” he whispers, leaning close. “Not now, not ever.”

But the world around you is fading, the pain becoming too much to bear. “I love you so much. In this life and the next,” you choke out with the last of your strength as your vision tunnels.

Suddenly, alarms blare. The room becomes a whirlwind of organized chaos. “We’re losing her!” A doctor shouts.

Charles is pushed aside as they work to save you. “No! Please, no!” He screams in agony.

You’re dimly aware of being rushed into another room, doctors shouting orders and starting emergency procedures.

Then, everything goes black.

Charles is left in the corridor. A broken man, waiting for news, praying for a miracle. Hours feel like days, each passing second an eternity.

Finally, a doctor emerges, his scrubs covered in spots of dark blood. “The baby is fine,” he begins, “But your wife ... we had to put her in a coma. The cancer is advanced. We’ll do everything we can but she’s not out of the woods.”

Charles sinks to the floor, tears streaming down his face. “Please, just save her. Please.”

***

“It’s a girl,” a nurse approaches Charles with a small bundle wrapped in a soft pink blanket.

Charles, tears still fresh on his face, looks up, momentarily stunned. “A ... a girl?”

The nurse nods, offering the tiny newborn to him. “Would you like to hold her?”

He hesitates, then slowly reaches out, cradling his daughter in his arms. Her small face, a canvas of peace among the chaos, is a stark contrast to the turmoil surrounding them.

“She’s beautiful,” he whispers, tears starting anew. “Just like her mother.”

The nurse smiles gently. “Have you thought of a name?”

Charles nods, “Juliette. After my godfather.”

Gently rocking the infant, he leans down, pressing a tender kiss on her forehead. “Hey, Juliette,” he murmurs. “I’m your papa. Your maman and I have waited so long for you. We love you so much.”

Juliette stirs, her tiny fingers curling around one of Charles’ own.

“I promise,” Charles voice breaks, “to protect you. I will be here for you, always.”

A doctor approaches, clearing his throat. “Mr. Leclerc, your wife’s condition is critical. But she’s a fighter and she has a lot to fight for.”

Charles nods, looking down at Juliette. “She does. We both do.”

Gently rocking your daughter, he loses himself in the rhythm of her soft breaths and the warmth of her tiny body against his chest. It’s an odd feeling — holding the fresh promise of life in his arms while the love of his life hangs in the balance.

***

“We’ve run all possible tests,” the oncologist begins. Charles, clutching a sleeping Juliette to his chest, waits with bated breath. “The cancer has progressed aggressively. To give her a fighting chance, we need to perform a hysterectomy.”

The room grows cold as the gravity of the doctor’s words sinks in. Charles’ voice trembles, “But that means ...”

The doctor nods, voice as gentle as the situation allows. “She won’t be able to bear children again.”

Silence stretches as the weight of the world seems to fall on Charles’ shoulders. He gazes down at Juliette, the embodiment of the dreams and hopes you both had.

“We had plans,” Charles whispers, more to himself. “We wanted more children, a big family.”

The doctor waits. “I understand how hard this is. But without the procedure, her chances ...”

“I know,” Charles cuts him off, voice breaking. “Do it. Do whatever it takes to save her.”

The doctor nods, squeezing Charles’ shoulder in a gesture of comfort. “We’ll do our best.”

As preparations for the surgery commence, Charles sits in the dimly lit waiting area, holding Juliette close. The baby, as if sensing the heavy atmosphere, remains unusually quiet.

“It’s not fair,” Charles’ lips form words meant for the void. “She’s sacrificed so much already. She deserves a world filled with joy and laughter.”

From across the room, a nurse, having overheard, speaks up, “Life has its cruel twists but the love you both share … that’s rare. Hold onto that.”

Charles nods, taking solace in the nurse’s words. Time seems to lose all meaning, each tick of the clock amplifying the uncertainty and fear.

Finally, a surgeon approaches, fatigue evident in her posture even as her face remains carefully professional. “The procedure went as well as could be expected. Your wife is stable for now.”

Relief floods Charles so rapidly that he has to stop himself from falling to the ground as he murmurs a heartfelt, “Thank you.”

But as he sits by your bedside, watching the steady rise and fall of your chest, the reality of what you had lost sets in. The dreams of a large family, shared laughter, and memories, all stolen by this cruel twist of fate.

***

The world around you is a haze of light and shadow, the sounds a distant echo. Your eyes flutter open and for a moment you’re lost, disoriented, and overwhelmed. Then, you see Charles, his face etched with relief and sorrow, tears glistening in his eyes.

“Welcome back,” he whispers, his voice cracking with emotion. “We’ve missed you so much.”

You try to speak but your throat is too parched to make a sound. Charles offers you a sip of water, his hands trembling as he helps you drink.

“What happened?” You finally manage to croak, your eyes darting around the unfamiliar room.

Charles takes a deep breath, his gaze never leaving yours. “The cancer ... it had advanced. They had to perform a hysterectomy to save you.”

The word hangs in the air, heavy and final. Your abdomen feels sore and you reach down, fingers tracing the bandages. Panic seizes you and the tears pour down without permission as the reality of what’s been taken from you crashes down.

“It’s gone,” you sob. “Our dreams ... our family.”

Charles leans in, tears mingling with yours. “Shh, mon amour. None of this is your fault. We’ll find another way, another path to happiness. We have Juliette and we have each other.”

But the weight of guilt is crushing. “We dreamed of a big family,” you cry, the depth of your loss piercing. “And I’ve taken that away from us.”

He brushes your tears away. “You have nothing to be sorry for. This is not your fault. We’ll make new dreams together, I promise.”

“I just wanted to give you everything,” the grief wracks your body.

“You already have,” Charles insists. “You’ve given me love, you’ve given me our little girl … our Juliette. That’s more than I could ever ask for.”

With great effort, you lift your arms, weak from the ordeal. Charles, understanding your unspoken desire, carefully places Juliette against your chest. You’re too weak to hold her on your own but together, you and Charles support her tiny form.

“Hello, Juliette," you whisper, tears of joy mingling with your earlier tears of grief.

She blinks up at you, her eyes wide and curious. You’ve never felt anything like what fills your heart as you look at the perfect human you both created, the embodiment of love and resilience.

“I love you both so much,” you whisper, heart swelling with a dizzying mix of joy and sorrow.

Charles, his own eyes filled with tears, leans down and kisses both you and Juliette gently. “We have each other and right now that’s all that matters.”

***

“I never imagined it would be like this,” your voice wavers as you lie propped up by pillows in the dimly lit bedroom.

Charles, his fingers intertwined with yours, meets your gaze. “Neither did I.”

The weight of all that’s transpired hangs heavily in the room. The joy of Juliette’s arrival is marred by the pain and loss you both feel.

“I feel ... incomplete,” you admit, tears forming in your eyes. “Like a part of me is missing.”

“I wish I could take away the pain,” Charles responds. “If I could trade places with you, I would in a heartbeat.”

You squeeze his hand. “It’s not your burden to bear. But it’s … hard. I wanted to give Juliette siblings, the big family we always talked about.”

Charles leans in to rest his forehead against yours. “We still have a family. We have each other and we have Juliette. We can still have a full, beautiful life together.”

You sigh, “But do you ever wonder why? Why us?”

He hesitates, searching for words. “Every day. Sometimes, there’s just no answer, only a path forward.”

You curl into him, drawing comfort from his warmth. “What does our path forward look like?”

Charles pulls back, looking deep into your eyes. “It’s filled with love, with hope. We heal together. We face challenges together. And we build a future together. No matter what.”

“I’m scared.”

He brushes away your tears. “So am I. But we have each other and that’s a pretty good place to start if you ask me.”

***

“She smiled, Charles! Did you see that? Juliette smiled!”

Charles rushes over and peers into the crib with gleaming eyes. “There it is! That little grin,” his voice is filled with wonder. “Our little miracle has the most beautiful smile. Just like her mother’s.”

Juliette, seemingly aware of the shared happiness in the room, gurgles softly, her small fingers reaching out to grasp a lock of Charles’ hair.

You watch them, a gentle smile playing on your lips. “She brings us so much joy. It’s amazing.”

Charles nods, his eyes never leaving Juliette’s face. “She’s our light in the darkness.”

Leaning over, you press a soft kiss to Juliette’s forehead. “I’m so thankful for both of you.”

He shifts closer, resting his head against yours. “You know, mon amour, I’ve been thinking ...”

You turn to him, curiosity piqued. “About what?”

He takes a deep breath. “About our dreams. I know it’s not what we originally planned but what if we consider adoption?”

Your heart skips a beat at his words, love and hope blossoming. “Adoption?”

Charles smiles warmly. “Yes. We’ve always dreamed of a big family. And there are so many children out there who need a home, who need love. We can give a child all of that and more.”

Tears well up in your eyes but they’re tears of joy and gratitude. “That’s a beautiful idea.”

He leans in, pressing his lips to yours gently. “Our love knows no bounds. The path to our dreams may not be as simple as we once imagined but we will get there, one step at a time.”

***

Charles’ phone buzzes with an incoming call in the early hours of the morning. Seeing a familiar name flash across the screen, he answers immediately. “Don Pietro? Is everything okay?”

“Charles, you need to come to Maranello. Both of you. As soon as possible.”

Charles exchanges a puzzled glance with you. “Is something wrong?”

“Just come,” Don Pietro insists, “and bring your wife. I believe there is a miracle waiting for you.”

The drive to Maranello is filled with anticipation. Your mind races with possibilities, questions whirling in a tornado of confusion and hope.

Upon arriving at the church, you’re met with the sight of the elderly priest holding a tiny bundle. The baby, with soft tufts of hair and eyes wide with curiosity, looks up at the two of you.

“This,” Don Pietro begins, “is Enzo. He was left on the steps of our church last night. And the moment I held him, I thought of you two.”

Charles’ eyes widen. “Enzo ... like Ferrari?”

Don Pietro nods with a soft chuckle, “It’s as if the universe is trying to tell us something.”

You reach out, taking the infant into your arms. Enzo’s little hand wraps around your finger, his eyes meeting yours. The connection is instant, like two souls recognizing each other.

Charles’ voice is thick with emotion, “It’s as if he was meant to be with us. A sign, maybe?”

Don Pietro smiles warmly, “Perhaps a nudge from above, reminding us that miracles happen when we least expect them.”

Tears spring to your eyes, the weight of the moment overwhelming you. Charles is equally moved, his eyes glistening and lips trembling.

“We talked about adoption,” he murmurs. “But this ... this feels like fate.”

Don Pietro nods. “He needs a family, love, and a home. And I believe you two can give him that.”

As Charles takes Enzo from your arms and cradles him close, a bond that goes beyond words quickly forms. You lean in, touching Enzo’s chubby cheek, your heart swelling with love.

The moment feels destined — a new piece seamlessly fitting into the puzzle of your family.

***

“Look at that, Julie and Enny! Those cars go vroom vroom,” you point out with a smile playing on your lips as the roar of engines fills the air.

Juliette’s eyes widen in awe, her tiny hand pointing excitedly. Beside her, Enzo claps his hands, giggling. “Vroom!” He mimics.

Charles, his racing suit on, kneels to their level. “Would you like to see papa’s car up close?”

Both children nod eagerly, their eyes sparkling.

As you make your way through the paddock, team members and other drivers stop to meet the kids. “Look at these future champions!” Exclaims one of the engineers, ruffling Enzo’s hair.

Juliette, ever the social butterfly, giggles and offers a shy “Hello.”

Reaching the Ferrari garage, the team breaks into smiles. “Looks like Charles brought his lucky charms today,” someone comments, causing a round of chuckles.

“Ready for a photo op?” Charles grins, lifting Juliette into the driver's seat as you follow suit with Enzo, placing him right beside his sister.

They look so small in the cockpit, faces full of wonder. “Beep beep,” Juliette laughs, pretending to steer.

“Future Ferrari driver right here,” Charles beams.

As the team gathers around, cameras flashing, you take a moment to soak it all in. The laughter, the joy, the memories — this is what life is about.

“There were times I thought this day would never come,” Charles whispers to you, his arm wrapping around your waist. “Our family here, all together.”

You squeeze his hand, tears of happiness threatening to spill over. “Our dream is now … and it’s only just beginning.”

***

“Henri and Helaine, look it’s your sister!” You cheer, pointing to the massive screen as Juliette’s Ferrari speeds past, making your young twins cheer and clap clumsily in excitement.

Charles grins as an orange blur follows shortly, “And Enzo’s not far behind. What a race!”

The atmosphere in the paddock is electric. Red for Ferrari, orange for McLaren, the colors of a family divided by teams but united by love.

Suddenly, a microphone appears as a familiar reporter approaches. “A quick word for the fans? It must be a thrilling day for the Leclerc family!”

Charles grins, adjusting his half-Ferrari, half-McLaren cap. “Oh, absolutely! We couldn’t be any prouder. A bit of sibling rivalry never hurt anyone, right?”

You laugh, nodding in agreement. “We’ve always said, as long as they’re safe and enjoying themselves, that’s what matters. Though,” you add with a playful wink, “I always wear both colors, just in case!”

The reporter chuckles. “And the young ones? Future racers in the making?”

Henri, with all the innocence of childhood, pipes up, “I wanna go vroom too!”

Helaine nods rapidly. “Me too! Super duper fast.”

You and Charles exchange a glance in amusement. “Well, there you have it,” Charles says with a smile. “Looks like the tracks will be seeing Leclercs for many years to come.”

The race ends with both Juliette and Enzo clinching a podium finish. The celebrations are loud and filled with joy, but for you, true happiness is seeing your family — past, present, and future — come together just like you always dreamed.

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eamour · 7 months

Text

making the first step.

manifesting, as we know it, means to deal with reality the way you want it. it means to accept things you like and to dismiss things you dislike. manifesting is all about what you choose to be aware of. in this post, i want to highlight the importance of knowing what you want and deciding to manifest your desire.

knowing what you want.

this is gonna sound like a hard pillow to swallow but believe me, been there, done that: just because you can have, be and do everything you want it doesn't mean that you are already having, being and doing these things — eventually, you need to know what you want in life. you need to have an image (not literally) what you want to experience. you need to know what you want for yourself. this goes for pretty much everybody and any desire you want to manifest.

things you don't want.

another important point i want to mention is the issue with making the wrong decision. no worries, you can and you are most definitely allowed to make decisions that turn out to be the wrong ones for you. sometimes, it's even necessary to do so. my point is that the moment you make the wrong choice and realise that this isn't want you want — EVEN if you have consciously manifested it from a state of once wanting it — you still have the right to un-want and to un-manifest it. essentially, doing something you dislike for too long will make you feel like you are rotting from the inside... and you really don't need to endure that.

feelings of being lost.

you cannot yield towards a goal you don't know. you cannot have something you cannot properly label. you cannot arrive with no destination. you can, surely, have an idea of something you want and get it regardless — but if you're uncertain, if you keep wavering between a handful of options and find it hard to make a decision, you will remain as you are. not knowing what you want for yourself, especially long-term, will be reflected to you in one way or another. and admittedly, it can be so tiring to know that you want to enter a new chapter in your life notwithstanding that you don't even know what it's gonna look like.

to decide means to change.

making a decision implies making a change within yourself. it doesn't matter how big or small that decision is going to be, how significant or unimportant the things are that you want for yourself — making a decision means to declare that you want something and that you are willing to move towards it. and since self has to be expressed and there is only self to change, you will reflect those changes once you shift from within.

knowing who you are.

you know that you change once you know WHAT you want to change. however, it doesn't just end there. finally knowing what you want for yourself and being able to see yourself have those wonderful desires of yours also means to understand who YOU are. it means to get to know your inner man and the things he likes. and once you do, once you are aiming for the things you GENUINELY want, you will never experience a day of uncertainty again.

deciding to manifest.

you see how much of a relevance it is to simply decide? so many people don't take their time to go within themselves and to actually get to know their deepest desires. so, what i want you to do is to make up your mind. pretend i'm your mom or your virtual manifestation assistant who tells you do to your chores. i don't really mind if it takes you a lot of time or if it makes you feel uncomfortable. whatever you want, you can have it 100%. and all those feelings of irritation and fear are all just created by you. act as if the outer world doesn't exist for a minute. as if there are no rules in the world that could get between you and your desire.

with love, ella.

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theweasleytwinsownmyjuicyass · 7 months

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Friendly lips pt. 2 | L.N.

Lando Norris x friend!reader

Summary: Two close friends try navigating the complex emotions that have arisen after their unexpected kiss.

Warnings: lil sexual themes, fluff.

Word count: ~1.6K

Lando couldn't escape the memory of your lips, the taste of your strawberry lip balm had lingered on his mouth since the night before. He had known the familiar scent for a long time, but now, he had a different connection to it, one that left him feeling both exhilarated and bewildered.

As you yawned and cuddled up to him, his eyes remained fixed on the ceiling, deep in thought. When you greeted him with a "good morning," he realized he had been lost in his own world ever since he awoke.

"Morning," he replied, wrapping his hand around your shoulders, pulling you closer. But, in the quiet of the morning, Lando couldn't help but continue the wrestle with his emotions.

For the first time in his life, he had to resist an overwhelming urge to lock lips with his best friend, to taste the strawberries on your lips once more. It felt like a whirlwind of emotions and confusion, and he couldn't quite make sense of it.

"Ready for the last race of the weekend?" you inquired, breaking the building tension with a smile.

"Absolutely," he replied, letting go of his inner turmoil. "I'm already on fire to get on that track."

The tension dissipated, and you smiled contentedly, hugging your friend closer. "Can't wait to see it."

Lando couldn't help but tease you, "Well, if you hadn't been late yesterday, you would have seen it, but clearly, you don't love me enough."

You retaliated by biting his shoulder, causing him to yelp. "OUCH!"

You playfully scolded him, "Stop being a drama queen, or I'll bite you again."

Lando countered, a mischievous glint in his eyes, "But you love it when I'm dramatic…"

Deep in thought, you responded, "You're right, I do. Sorry, Lan," and sealed your apology with a kiss on the small red mark your teeth had left on his shoulder before heading to the shower.

Lando lay in bed, not moving, not breathing, his gaze locked onto his shoulder, where your lips had been mere seconds ago. The world felt like it had gone mad, and he couldn't help but wonder if he had too. The complicated dance between friendship and the unexpected pull of desire was a puzzle he wasn't sure how to solve, but one thing was certain: it had changed everything.

Lando couldn't comprehend why you appeared so nonchalant about the kiss, as if it held no significance to you. It left him frustrated and angry, wondering why you seemed to have it so easy, unaffected by the emotions that were tormenting him. He partly wished he could just go with the flow and pretend it didn't mean anything, but he knew he'd be lying to himself. He didn't want to forget the memory of how you felt and tasted against him, and that left him feeling increasingly lost.

Sitting in the garage, his hands almost pulling at his hair in frustration, Lando couldn't help but think about the kiss.

His gaze was fixed on you and some other drivers chatting, and the mere sight of you only deepened his inner turmoil.

Oscar, a keen observer, approached Lando, concern etched on his face. "You're all right, man? You seem stressed."

"I am stressed," Lando admitted, feeling a weight on his shoulders.

"Why? You did great yesterday, and today's race isn't even that important. I'm still sure you'll get on the podium."

Lando took a deep breath before responding. "It's not really about the race. I just can't get something out of my head…" He trailed off, his gaze still locked on you.

Oscar didn't miss a beat and saw right through Lando's internal struggle. "So, you've finally caught up to yourself and don't know how to get Y/N to be your girlfriend?"

Lando wasn't going to answer, but Oscar's persistence got to him. "I kissed her… well, more like we both kissed."

"When did that happen?!" Oscar's eyes widened with surprise.

"Yesterday…"

"Wow, mate… I mean, that's good. You've gotten out of the friend zone and into the boyf-"

Lando cut him off. "Not like that."

"What do you mean?"

"We were just playing around, and I stupidly, as a joke, said that we should kiss. She agreed, and we kissed, and… well, nothing, absolutely nothing. At first, I thought maybe she just felt awkward about the whole thing, but now I honestly think she's pretending like it didn't happen."

Oscar let out a low whistle. "Man, that's a lot."

"I know," Lando sighed, his frustration and confusion still gnawing at him.

As Lando finished the race in P1, the frustrations that had plagued him earlier seemed to have dissipated. He stepped out of the car, and the entire team swarmed him, offering hugs, congratulations, and pats on the back. You stood back, your heart swelling with eagerness, tears welling up in your eyes.

Amidst the commotion, your eyes were drawn to Lando, who looked incredibly happy and radiant. His smile, brighter than ever, was like a beacon of joy that made your own heart soar to life. You could hardly contain your emotions as you waited for your turn to congratulate the boy who officially lived rent free in your mind.

After a series of interviews, Lando finally had a moment to break free from the throng of well-wishers and head your way. As he made his approach, your eyes locked together, and in that shared gaze, all your unspoken emotions seemed to flow freely.

The two of you collided in a fierce, emotional hug, and Lando used his whole strength to pull you as close as possible. His face found solace in the crook of your neck as tears of happiness streamed down both of your cheeks. While your hands surrounded his shoulders, tangling in his champagne covered hair as you held on to him with all your might as well.

In that moment, as Lando inhaled your scent, time seemed to come to a standstill, leaving only the two of you in the world, your voice a clear whisper. "Congratulations, Lando, you are the winner." You could feel his rapid heartbeat against your own chest, making your heart come in sync with his.

He pulled away slightly, his gaze locked on your eyes, and you could see the depth of his feeling reflected in his soft, adoring look. "You're my best prize," he said, winking and gently kissing your forehead.

Your heart swelled even more, and you couldn't help the words that so silently escaped your lips, "I am yours."

However, your whisper was not to be heard as Lando was pulled away by ta group of other drivers pulling him into proud hugs. But Lando‘s eyes remained on yours speaking louder than you could, written in the language of your eyes, and it was a memory neither of you would ever forget.

Returning to the hotel after the race, you and Lando were still high on adrenaline from his impressive win. You ended up back in your pajamas, entangled together on the bed, watching a movie. The situation felt like a repetition of a few days ago when you had shared your kiss.

Your mind was racing with thoughts about that kiss, how it had lingered in your thoughts since it had happened. It was as if you couldn't escape the memory, and the way Lando made you feel.

On the other hand, Lando had accepted his fate, believing that he was just a friend to you. He was glad to, at the very least make you a proud friend with his victory, but the weight of disappointment sat heavy on his heart, especially when moments like this, being so close to you, felt utterly natural.

"Lando," you began, voice hesitant, "can I ask you something? But you must be honest."

"Whatever you want, darling," he replied, the endearment bringing a blush to your cheeks.

"Did our kiss mean anything to you?" you asked, eyes searching his with a mixture of hope and trepidation. You needed to know the truth, even if it meant potentially shattering your own heart.

He straightened up, looking directly in your eyes. "Everything... But if you wish to forget it, let's..."

His words trailed off as his gaze fell from yours, unable to withstand your lovely gaze that he was adamant he found himself drowning in

"I wish I never have to forget what kissing your lips feels like" you poured your heart out to your friend, meaning every word you softly spoke to him.

He is shocked by your words but your following actions shock him even further. You place your hands on his cheeks and pull him down, locking in your wish with yet another passionate kiss.

"Y/n please be mine, I’m begging you" the strawberry flavor has once again enveloped his senses and he rests his forehead against yours, his ardent breath ghosting your lips.

"Without a question my love, I’ve been yours this whole time" you reply, sealing your promise with a kiss to his cheek. Lando practically melts into you, breathing you in as if you were his lifeline.

A wide smile broke across his face, and you both began to chuckle as he peppered your face with affectionate kisses. "This is so much better than winning the race," he confessed, caressing your face.

"Even better than the champagne?" you can’t help yourself but tease him for his love of the sparkling drink.

"Your lips are my champagne now" he said with a smirk, capturing you in another sweet and feverish kiss.

A.N. I hope this ain't too shabby...

#lando norris #lando norris fluff #lando norris imagine #lando norris x reader #lando norris x reader fluff #lando norris x reader imagine #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 x y/n #formula 1 imagine #mclaren formula 1 #mclaren #ln4 x reader #ln4 #ln4 imagine #ln4 fluff

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mybelovedwoo · 9 months

Note

Boyfriend hongjoong or mingi PLEASE?

Thank u so much for your request! I will do Hongjoong now as he was the first one you wrote, but I will do Mingi in the future too!!

kim hongjoong as boyfriend - headcanon

headcanon, romance, fluff, smut

gn!reader x bf!atz

wc. ~0.8k

an: you can request headcanons if you want to (please only headcanons)!! if you want to be tagged in any of my fics you can apply here <3

masterlist

-the always admires you from far away type of boyfriend

-like he always has such heart eyes for you whenever you go somewhere together, you are talking about something in a group setting, he always listens to your every word carefully, he never disappoints you, or he sees how good you're getting along with his members, he smiles at you with that lovesick smile of his

-but sometimes he can get a little jealous too, we know he's an extreme scorpio, like is anyone surprised honestly?

-probably spends most of his time at the studio, but doesn't mind when you accompany him, indeed loves it, he can get a little distracted with your presence sometimes tho

-you always feel so special, because you're the first person to hear some songs of his, in return, you always try to encourage him and tell him how amazing of a producer and songwriter he is (it's not a lie)

-after he is done working in the studio, he usually takes you out for dinner, refuses you to pay for anything, and gets mad when you tell him that you want to pay this time

-you would think he is not much of a fan of physical affection, but it's so different with you, the only place he wouldn't give you that much of it is in public places and in front of his friends and family

-he would hold your hands wherever you go, occasionally he raises yours to his mouth and gives it a quick peck, so you can feel his love even when you're in public

-you wouldn't know this, but he likes to brag about you, telling his friends how wonderful his significant other is

-very protective of you, because he thinks you are his treasure. he would dead-stare everyone who would even look at your way

-would think about your future together, and moving in with you the first month of dating, but would never actually tell you, because he doesn't want to scare you off or something

-his biggest fear is that he can't show you how much he loves you. if he can see any doubt or insecurity, he will reassure you with the most meaningful words and wouldn't ever leave your side in a moment like this

-you two often joke around with "being mean" to each other. it's just you guys' thing. he is definitely into it when you are being mean to him

-always asks you to paint his nails, and he always does the same for you. picking out the colors for each other. also picks out the other's outfit just for fun, but ends up changing the whole thing because it "wasn't him"

-the type of boyfriend that would give you his jacket, saying he isn't cold, but would actually be freezing

-he brings you home little gifts from everywhere he goes around the world, saying "I had to buy it, it reminded me of you baby"

-would stare straight into your eyes before he kisses you, holds your face with one hand at your jaw. also the first thing he does is kiss you every time you two wake up together in the morning, he thinks it's really important and the best way to start the day

nsfw +18!!!

-okay hear me out he is a very emotional lover and sometimes he can get carried away by his feelings, but he is definitely a dom in the bedroom, not a hard dom, but not a soft dom (you know what I mean)

-he prefers intense sex, where can get everything out of his head, and the bedroom is the safest place for him to share it with the person he loves the most, he desires passion and intimacy

-doesn't mind trying out new things, as long as you are okay with it too, very open and adventurous

-his biggest turn-on is direct eye contact I'm telling you, this boy is a sucker for it. he loves how he can see every emotion on your face, it is very intimate and vulnerable for him

-biggest turn off probably power play, he just doesn't like it when somebody is trying to control him, and probably everything that involves pain

-i feel like hongjoong would be very vocal in bed, sometimes having full-on conversations with you, and also even dirty talk, but only in a loving way, he would never be mean to you in such a vulnerable moment

-this man's sex drive is high af, you would have sex at least four times a week, but it's probably more than that, to be honest, literally doing it in every part of the house, in the kitchen, bathroom, living room, on the floor, literally everywhere

-so for positions, i think he would love a classic missionary where he can keep that eye contact but would love a good flatiron where he is doing you from behind but still stays close to you, also one of his favorites would be just scooping you up from behind, just cuddling up and kissing your face all over

-he would get all sleepy after sex, so he forgets aftercare sometimes, he just falls asleep with you in his arms (who would blame this man, he works too hard)

#ateez #ateez fluff #ateez scenarios #ateez imagine #ateez fanfic #hongjoong headcanon #hongjoong fic #hongjoong #hongjoong x reader #kim hongjoong #ateez hongjoong #ateez x reader #ateez imagines #ateez x you #ateez smut #hongjoong boyfriend #hongjoong fluff #hongjoong smut #hongjoong x you

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biteofcherry · 11 months

Note

Hi! ALPHA STEVEEEEE oh my actual days. i have an unhealthy attachement to GoT. If his omega was feeling insecure how would he react? I feel like he would be completely flabbergasted and considering how she is very much independent she might not tell him at first. but if he found out...

A study

alpha!Steve Rogers x omega female reader

warnings: none; fluffy hurt/comfort; alpha has unique ways of improving your mood; but there's also understanding and communication; alpha Steve is a warning okay?

Grain of Truth Masterlist

Main Masterlist

"I guess this one could work," you shrugged, watching yourself in the mirror with growing resentment.

Your words reached Steve with quite a delay. He was staring at you, his mind occupied with images of ripping the fabric off of your body to get his hands on the magnificence of your curves and softness.

You looked absolutely fantastic in that dress - and it wasn't even some revealing, super sexy evening gown, but rather a chic, modest piece. Perfect for attending a conference.

And when you first saw that dress on the display as you passed the shop, you seemed to love it. How could it change so quickly?

Steve's gaze dragged up your body until he met your eyes in the mirror.

It was the very first time you showed annoyance with your looks, even if occasionally you fussed about not fitting into your favorite clothes right before the heat, because your body was accumulating fat to survive days of endless fucking.

"What is it?" Steve's brows furrowed as he took a step closer and you felt the warmth of his body at your back.

His hands slipped onto your hips and he rested his chin on top of your head as he held your gaze in the reflection.

"Nothing," you shrugged again, instinctively leaning into your alpha's embrace. "It's a good dress, but it doesn't really matter, right?"

Steve sensed that clearly it did matter, so he waited patiently for you to elaborate.

"I just have one meaningless presentation, nobody will pay attention to it beside just politely listening and clapping after I'm done." You tried to play it cool, like it didn't bother you that there was going to be a different star at the conference.

"Unlike Hope," you muttered, your tone more bitter than you wanted to let on.

Hope was- not exactly a friend, but not an enemy either.

You went to the same university, shared some mutual friends and occasionally worked on the same projects before graduation. Then you pursued your career goals while Hope went on to rock the world with everything that she had.

She was stunning, always had a line of men and women trailing behind her with dreams of spending time with her. She had a brilliant mind, too. Honestly, she had it all, in your opinion.

Including the freedom of not being driven by designation and hormones, since she was a beta.

As it turned out, Hope now had not one but three degrees and steered her career toward medical science for the military purposes. You were proud of how you were actually helping people day to day, running your small research, but it suddenly felt less significant compared to Hope's straight road to saving the world.

When you stumbled into her an hour ago, your brief, quite warm conversation revealed she was going to be the mysterious grand star at the conference you were also attending.

And she too was searching for an outfit. Judging by the label on the bag she was carrying, Hope was going to have something designer. Perhaps even custom fitted.

Then it turned out Steve was familiar with one of her projects; he saw it used in action when back in the military.

They switched feedback and information about Hope's upgrades so flawlessly and passionately, and you just stood there with a smile, nodding your head in pretend-interest.

Hope had it all. Still. Just like she had in uni.

Including attention of your mate.

You knew Steve loved you, you didn't fear him leaving you to chase anyone else. But love didn't mean he was impressed, or interested in your meager career.

The only profit you'd gain from presenting your study at the conference would be Maria's proud face as she added to your clinic's website information about running research acknowledged at international conferences.

"Hope?" One of Steve's eyebrows quirked up, confusion settling on his face. "That beta we ran into?"

"Yes, that beta whose great improvements to the battlefield medicine-" you mocked Steve's voice- "you were complimenting less than an hour ago," you glared at him, barely stopping yourself from stomping on his foot.

"Sweet brat," Steve's hands tightened their grip on your hips, an almost painful reminder to watch your tone.

"I was a Captain in the Army and sometimes on missions things got really bad. I simply appreciate that Hope's projects helped to save lives of some of my men."

"I know her work is important." You grit out, crossing your arms over your chest. "Which is why I know everyone will look forward to her presentation and discussion panel with her. So I don't need to bother stressing over my showing."

Steve recited the full title of your presentation and research, showing you he was always paying attention to what was important to you.

"Hope's work may be desired by the big, important institutions," he said, "but it's your research that has the potential of aiding people nationally, in their day to day struggles."

Your heart melted at the conviction in Steve's voice. Through the bond you sensed a steady rhythm and a flush of fiery pride that your alpha felt about your work.

"And you know what else?" Steve bent down a little, resting his chin in the crook of your neck, his lips brushing your cheek.

"Hope has nothing beyond her career. Beneath the smell of perfume, there's only the scent of the lab on her. No partner, neither long term nor a fuckbuddy. No remnants of anyone familiar, like a friend or a pet."

"Maybe she chose it that way," Steve mused, rubbing soothing circles on your hips with his thumbs, "or maybe she spends the rest of her day being as fussy as you, feeling bitter that she doesn't have a mate and love like you."

You sighed softly, uncrossing your arms. You rested your hands atop Steve's forearms, caressing his warm skin.

You tilted your head slightly as your placated insecurities slowly retreated, living room to the mentioned fussy streak. That still wasn't entirely gone, strumming inside you with a need to act out.

"So you were checking her scent?" It was a deliberate poke, delivered with a glare.

Steve huffed and closed his eyes for a second. Then he straightened and in one swift move twirled you around.

He pushed you back against the mirror, gripping the back of your neck with one of his large hands.

"If you're sporting for a spanking until you sob all your frustration and insecurities out, I will happily arrange it." His voice remained soft, but dropped to that low octave a breath away from a growl.

"Or maybe we can make you more excited on that stage?" You gulped nervously as Steve's eyes darkened.

His lips trailed along your jaw, teeth just barely grazing your skin.

"You'll be giving your lecture wearing nothing but that pretty dress, while I sit in the first row with your panties in my pocket. Knowing that as soon as you're done with your presentation, I'm going to be fucking you full of my cum..."

Steve nipped your chin in reprimand when your eyes closed, the sting making you open them instantly.

"So that when you do the rounds at the banquet later that beta you're jealous off knows that you've won something she'll never have. A true mate."

Your clamped your hands on Steve's shoulders, gripping the fabric of his too tight t-shirt.

"You can't solve everything with sex, you know," you said breathlessly, clenching your thighs as you felt Steve's free hand slide up the pencil skirt of the dress you were trying on.

"How about we conduct a longitudinal study on that?" Steve chuckled and slapped your thigh.

#steve rogers x reader #alpha!steve rogers #alpha!steve rogrs x omega female reader #steve rogers x female reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers imagine #alpha steve rogers x omega female reader #a/b/o dynamics #grain of truth #my writing

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r--kt · 1 month

Text

Okay, but why the "Kannabi" Bridge? I mean, why is this called that? Turns out, this is an amazing and very beautiful metaphor.

Kakashi Gaiden analysis. Kannabi — the bridge between two worlds

I will look at this from the side of Shinto culture (based on the materials that I could find, feel free to correct me if you know more about this) and from the side of Kakashi and Obito's storylines.

Contents | cultural code · significance for the plot structure · the idea itself (this one is really important!)

Cultural code

In Shinto culture, it is not customary to divide the world into human and sacred, especially into divine and demonic principles — everything exists in harmony with each other, in a single system.

Kannabi (神奈備) refers to a region that is a shintai (repositories in which kami reside) itself, or hosts a kami. In fact, Kannabi is a place of connection between the human and the spiritual. Usually these are mountains, rivers, and forests that stand out for their beauty. These are such accumulations of natural energy, so sacred that their presence requires observance of a certain rite. So, if in relatively modern times be present next to the blossoming sakura, picnics in picturesque mountains and the like has normalized in Japanese culture, then in ancient times people did not dare to disturb mountains or groves with their presence. In such places, people performed rituals of worship to the deity, wrestling matches, divination, sacred dances, offerings, etc. The territory of the kami did not completely coincide with the territory of worship to them, people still tried to move away from the center of the sacred place so as not to bother their deity. To mark the border of entry into Kannabi, symbolic gates were installed — most often in the form of torii.

examples of kannabi in real life. Mount Fuji and Nachi Falls. [ as I understand, shintai and kannabi are synonymous concepts, but kannabi is broader in meaning. ]

It's all about how important the term is in a cultural context. A place of divine power that cannot be desecrated. From here, the Kannabi Bridge and the surrounding area can also be considered endowed with divine energy — and here the most interesting thing begins.

Significance for the plot structure

Now about the scenario composition. In general, the Battle of Kannabi, as the event itself in Kakashi and Obito's storylines, according to Joseph Campbell's «hero's journey», is a stage of transition between worlds. That's what the symbolism of the place also works for. This is the moment when the hero assumes responsibility for the beliefs he carries and their consequences, and literally or symbolically crosses the threshold between the safe and familiar world to the dangerous and unknown one, embarks on the path of reflection and prepares to meet the unconscious.

Thus, briefly speaking, Kakashi finds the strength to resolve his internal conflict in favor of his father's attitudes about the value of each Shinobi, and Obito sacrifices himself, protecting his loved ones and defending his ideals. Then their paths got separate so that each one could face with the unknown by himself.

In the context of the monomyph model, this is how the beginning of the initiation stage is demonstrated (i.e., the transition from one state to another, which is accompanied by some kind of ritual). Since Kannabi in culture is the boundary between the human and the divine, it can be concluded that this very transition is shown almost literally, thanks to the sharingan awakening and the broken tanto. This is the first turning point in history, structurally coinciding with the end of the first act.

The idea itself

And what do we see in general? In the battle of Kannabi, the religious Shinto subtext is vividly read. For the battle in a sacred place, the moral positive change of the hero (Kakashi) or his original courage (Obito) and a certain sacrifice (Kakashi's eye), the deities give a reward: the power of sharingan, which helps them save Rin, which is shared between Obito and Kakashi and in the future generally serves as a direct demonstration of the spiritual connection between them. At the same time, for the desecration of a sacred place (the goal of the mission was to blow up a bridge), heroes are punished: from this point of view, Obito's death is a certain sacrifice for the damage inflicted on the deity.

There is also information that the name of the bridge - Kannabi-kyo (神無毘橋) - can also be interpreted as «A bridge where the gods won't help». idk if it's true, but sounds cool.

Moreover, the very name of Obito's mangekyo — Kamui (神威) — literally translates as «The Power of Gods». Perhaps it is based on the mentioned concept of the place where Kakashi and Obito received the power of sharingan. And maybe that's why they call the technique the same way: because they treat it rather with such a religious meaning.

and thanks for reading to the end ♡

#honestly this is one of my favourite things in gaiden so complex and interesting and ughhh–#naruto #naruto shippuden #team minato #kakashi hatake #obito uchiha #rin nohara

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comradekatara · 16 days

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Hi! Been reading through your blog, and I really appreciate the nuanced way you discuss the themes and characters in atla. So I was curious about your thoughts on a take I’ve seen floating around (that I feel conflicted on).

I’ve seen people argue that, particularly in season 3, Zuko’s perspective and arc are prioritized at the expense of (all the characters, but especially) Aang’s perspective/internality.

For example, in the Western Air Temple episode, any complicated feelings Aang might have about Zuko’s role in his death and in the fall of Ba Sing Se (two events that shaped Aang’s struggle at the opening of the season) are hand waved, entirely untapped and unexplored. Everything that Zuko did in Ba Sing Se goes unmentioned in the episode, to facilitate the necessary next step of Zuko’s journey (joining the gaang), and the episode is primarily framed through Zuko’s POV, exploring his fears regarding whether the group will accept him and his desire for redemption through them.

Similarly, the focus of the succeeding episodes is on integrating Zuko into the group, leaving little space to expand on/build up to Aang’s central conflict for the season, meaning it’s crammed into/abruptly introduced in the very final episodes.

I think there is some merit to this critique (Aang aside, I also would have liked a bit more space for Toph in this final season too, her fraught relationship with her parents feels like a thread that’s left hanging). On the other hand, I think that one of Aang’s strengths as a MC is that he doesn’t overpower/dominate the entire narrative, and that other characters (Zuko, Katara, etc.) are allowed just as much significance and importance within the story, so…idk. Would appreciate another perspective, sorry for the long ask :)

forgive my slightly reductive claim, but I actually see each season as belonging to a different main character. book 1: water is very much katara’s season. she is the narrator who introduces us to the world, the catalyst for the inciting incident, and the entire journey to the north pole is her idea, her goal, her quest to master waterbending. most episodes in book 1 center on katara, her escapades, her blunders, her triumphs, her adventures; aang is also featured prominently, of course, but she’s by far the hero of this story.

then book 2: earth shifts focus, and focalizes aang instead. katara has achieved her primary goal of learning waterbending for a master, and now she’s mostly just along for the ride. she still has episodes where she is central to the plot and truly shines (eg, the chase, the desert, lake laogai) but she’s mainly playing second fiddle to aang, who has to contend with his position as avatar and the immense power he wields, learns earthbending (his most personally challenging element), suffers inconceivable loss as he grieves appa, the triumphant joy of their reunion, works through his emotional state with the guru, and finally, his defeat at the hands of azula. book 2 is, first and foremost, aang’s season.

so it stands to reason that book 3: fire is zuko’s. zuko has been focalized before, most prominently in the episode “zuko alone,” but this season is not about zuko in isolation, but rather his integration. the goal zuko has been striving for and the changes he has undergone and lessons he’s learned in the previous two seasons all culminate here, finally realizing the character arc they’ve been laying the groundwork for in the background of aang and katara’s journeys. so of course zuko is prioritized in zuko’s season. of course episodes like “the beach” barely even focus on the gaang whatsoever, with their only sparse scenes just there to establish combustion man as a threat.

and it’s not that we don’t get the gaang’s pov in “the western air temple,” because we very much do. we see them respond to their defeat at the invasion, we see them argue over whether to let zuko into the group, and yes, we do see katara acknowledge what happened in ba sing se, very emphatically, I might add.

and the following episode is literally about aang. yes, zuko is still the character whose point of view is centered the most, but it’s also a direct response to aang’s conflict in “the deserter,” and it provides a crucial aspect of not only zuko’s character development, but also aang’s. then, the episode after that is all about sokka. zuko features, of course, but he knows this is not his journey and he is happy to follow sokka’s lead. it’s a necessary episode as it marks the apotheosis of sokka’s arc. then, “the southern raiders,” which serves as katara’s apotheosis. yes, zuko is the one who orchestrates the plot, but but it’s katara’s emotional journey every step of the way. “the ember island players” is equally about aang, katara, and zuko’s horrified responses to this play. and then in “sozin’s comet” aang, katara, and zuko are each given equal weight in their final moments in the narrative.

i don’t think that aang’s central conflict feels rushed or abrupt whatsoever, because it was already addressed as far back as in “the avatar state” when he expressed fears regarding the scale of his power and the damage it causes. aang’s conflicting duty to the world as the avatar and duty to his people as the last airbender has been established time and time again since book 1, and is especially focalized in book 3 in episodes such as “the awakening” and “the day of black sun.” even a sort of dismissible episode like “nightmares and daydreams” centers his point of view and elucidates his anxiety.

but aang, katara, and zuko have always been positioned as a sort of prism that narratively refract and reflect one another, ever since the very beginning. each season focalizes one while still giving the others the necessary space to grow and develop, but if zuko does feel like the protagonist of book 3, it’s because it’s his season, and that doesn’t minimize aang or katara’s importance, because he is reflecting them each step of the way, just as they are reflecting him.

and as a sidenote: toph’s fraught relationship with her parents is actually explored sufficiently, in my opinion, via her dynamics with the rest of the gaang. her conflict with her family is resolved through finding unconditional and mutual support through her friends, and both her tension with katara as explored in “the runaway” and her vulnerability and faith in sokka (especially in “sozin’s comet”) illustrate how toph still struggles in some key ways, but has also grown so much since first escaping her abusive home.

#alphatwin999 #asks #analysis #katara #aang #zuko #I need a tag for like…. their triangle #and #toph #I guess

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thebusylilbee · 1 year

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"Bo Katan walks both worlds she can bring all tribes together" is genuinely such a fucking joke !

they had everything to make this journey significant to Din's character ! him TAKING OFF his helmet TO SAVE A FOUNDLING after a lifetime of keeping it on, out of faith in his people and their culture, is SO MUCH MORE poignant than Bo-Katan keeping the helmet on for like two days after being a little shocked to see a mythosaur... and he did it to save his jedi foundling no less ! him being the one "who walks both worlds" would have been a perfect parallel to Grogu being tied between Jedi and Mandalorian cultures, and could have been nourished by Luke Skywalker also changing the jedi way from what was done to Anakin ! cultures evolving for the good of their people !!! people being attached to traditions but also open to change !!! but fuck it, CGI Luke was too expensive and we're tired of Din being the main character I guess ?

not to mention the whole deal of Din being someone who prefers to stay in the shadows suddenly being shoved under the spotlights by fate alone ! like actually if you think about it : 1) his need for companionship, 2) his need for fatherhood that he doesn't even dare admit, 3) and his willingness to become "A Hero" because of his care for others, despite him actually hating being at the center of Significant Historical Events, all these things are all like.. his entire character !!! that's the whole core of this guy !!! What the fuck is left if there's 1) no conflict with the need for companionship (he's back to not having doubts and deep feelings about the helmet thing), 2) no conflict in fatherhood (the kid is no longer a jedi in the blink of an eye in a fucking spin off episode), and 3) no conflict with his willingness to become A Hero to save his son and his friends even if he doesn't like it (fate gave him that darksaber but actually he can remain Just A Guy it's fine, Bo Katan can take the lead) like ???

what's left is pure nothingness, this show means nothing and says nothing and that's why it doesn't bother with giving important moments that would have felt fully earned to its actual main character

#the mandalorian #the mandalorian spoilers #-“oh bo is used to not having her helmet on ? yeah sure she's the one who walks both ways and will unite us this is cool !”#-“oh Din took his helmet off out of intense love for his kid who he delivered back to his original culture in accordance with the creed AND #who he saved by showing his face ?#repent by drowing in the Living Waters bitch !"#din djarin #bee tries to talk #grogu djarin #star wars #mando critical #the mandalorian critical

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shiut · 2 months

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How much did Yakou know?

Very long and detailed analysis of Yakou's involvement in the plot beneath the cut.

Yakou is an interesting character to me. He gets his own mildly insightful short story about his detective origins. However, I crave to think that there's gotta be more to him than just the kind of pathetic (affectionate) stressed out dad-like figure that mostly kind of nags and bosses Yuma around for the majority of the game.

Ok, it sounds like I'm ragging on him, but he does have an occasional side of him in dire situations where he shows a selfless loyalty and trust in his team that proves he takes his leadership position seriously, even if he does really rock the irresponsible mess look. And he gets to be cool in his own chapter for a minute.

But there is a moment that sticks out to me, especially in hindsight after finishing the game, and that's the prologue where you get your first and probably most substantial talk with him.

He says that he does not want Kanai Ward to change practically within the same breath where he explains how terribly he's treated as a detective in this horrendously corrupt murder infested police state.

Although he makes it clear that he has a deep personal affection and nostalgic attachment to this city that shows a bias for why he would say this, we hear from multiple people throughout the game that Kanai Ward has not been the same in recent years as it has been in the past that Yakou has rooted his love in.

So why does he feel as if any change to the current state of Kanai Ward would disrupt the "peace and quiet" it deserves?

Unless he knows something about the city that's just so fundamentally irreparable that this is the closest to peace and quiet that it'll ever get again, and trying to fix it would only somehow destroy it.

Everything about the rooftop scene, from talking about the city, to Shinigami commenting on how ominous he feels to her, to the fact that he's the person who explains the rumor that the rain affects peoples' bodies.

Highlighted text tends to be easy to overlook, but I can't help but feel like there's some significance to his usage of "illusion in the rain". It's like he knows something that nobody else can see (and an obvious foreshadowing of how the rain is one of the main means of covering up Kanai Ward's mystery).

But this segues into the themes of his later chapter which also focuses on Vivia, who mirrors Yakou in a lot of ways, beyond just being another guy who muses on about peace and quiet.

Speaking of, a mirror is what Vivia uses as a metaphor for the benefit of blissful ignorance and the potential catastrophic dangers of the painful truth.

For the purposes of this chapter, he is explaining the type of pain and the effect on Yuma's world view that uncovering Yakou's crime will incur. It also acts as a setup for the development of Yuma's conviction that he will later need to use in the final chapter of the game. But the distorted reality the Vivia explains in the mirror does call me back to Yakou's "illusion in the rain" comment.

Vivia also explains that the truth that Yuma uncovers for truth's sake will lead to the destruction of the world. While he could be referring to the world and humanity in general, in the context of this chapter, world can mean a lot of things though, such as Yuma's innocence in the way he views the world as he knows it.

Or namely, from Makoto's point of view, it could also mean the destruction of the homunculi and the only version of the world that Makoto believes they can exist in.

Did Yakou come to a similar conclusion as Makoto based on what he found out?

Like Vivia in chapter 4, who did not want the culprit to be revealed, it seemed like Yakou had the full intention of not cooperating with investigating the Kanai Ward mystery until he was forced to by a directive from Number One. Even so, he came off as if encouraging the detectives to drag their feet on it for the sake of staying out of trouble.

But we know that he is not lazy, unmotivated, or stupid. In a world where you're competing with people who are fast-tracked into the WDO if they have literal super powers, Yakou was inducted by pure detective skill. He had definitely been spending a lot of his time laying low and investigating Kanai Ward himself, because he didn't trust the UG or the WDO if they turned their attention to the city.

Yakou already knew about the homunculus research in some way.

Even if he didn't know about everyone being a homunculus, he at least knew enough that he believed that the city itself would be shattered by the involvement of the UG and WDO.

And then we get to chapter 5 with the mindless zombie homunculi.

Except, they're not all completely mindless. As a matter of fact, I had come to notice something about all the non-aggressive homunculi: they all seemed to have some degree of awareness about Amaterasu's research.

The fake Zilch, who was one of Yomi's closest advisors and knew about all of Dr Huesca's and Yomi's activity in the lab concerning homunculus research, and was implied to be the one who killed Yakou's wife for whistleblowing. Fink, who was propositioned by Makoto himself to infiltrate the lab, and who was then killed by Makoto for 'knowing too much'. Dr Huesca, who was the head researcher for the homunculi. And the former CEO, who was the prime overseer of the research.

And then there was Yakou, who gives Yuma the video evidence of Dr Huesca's death at the hands of the homunculi as he explained the results of the experiment. The easy explanation is that Makoto planted this video on the zombie Yakou to be given to Yuma in the restricted area.

However, another thing that the non-aggressive zombies had in common is that they seemed to be stuck thinking about what seems to be their final thoughts before their death, barring the former CEO who was unusually lucid compared to all of them.

Considering this, I feel like Yakou's final thoughts were for Yuma to expose the truth about the homunculi for him, and to give him the DVD as the key evidence he needed. Whether Makoto gave Yakou this video, or if Yakou already had this video himself, his final thought before dying was to make sure Yuma got it.

I always thought it was a bit strange for Yakou to go and decide to murder Dr Huesca at the slightest provocation by Yomi, and then had this whole complicated coverup plan. If Kurumi could look into Yakou's background for only a day and come to the conclusion that Amaterasu had killed his wife for whistleblowing, then Yakou himself would've definitely already known and could've tried to kill Dr Huesca a long time ago.

I don't think the provocation was by Yomi's letter. I believe at some point, he had found out that Huesca and Yomi could possibly leak information about the homunculus research. He decided to kill Huesca as a gambit reveal Yomi's involvement with leaking research before it could get out into the public and destroy Kanai Ward, and he entrusted this truth to Yuma and the rest of his detectives. Yakou knew that the lie that they were living, the one that was keeping Kanai Ward together, wasn't going to last much longer.

This conveniently aligned with Makoto's motives to oust Yomi. Makoto, the one who also knew that Yomi would cause the lie holding Kanai Ward together to unravel, and who happened to introduce Fink to Yakou. Fink thought that Yakou did not know about Makoto orchestrating their meeting, and perhaps he was right in that Yakou didn't know that it was Makoto specifically, but maybe Makoto was the one who tipped Yakou off to Amaterasu's homunculus research possibly being leaked and may have even given Yakou the DVD.

Makoto may not have exactly manipulated Yakou. It just simply that both Yakou and Makoto similarly knew that the UG sticking their nose into Kanai Ward about the homunculus research was incredibly dangerous. Makoto simply gave Yakou the ultimatum and means to stop Yomi. The difference is that Makoto's goal was to get rid of Yomi and assume full control of the city in order to further suppress its secret, but Yakou's goal was the provide the truth to his detectives in order to fix things.

And I wrote all this BEFORE the Yakou DLC came out.

Where we find out that Yakou has had the prototype cure for homunculi the whole time. And depending on whether or not his wife here is a ghost or a hallucination, it seems like she had always known that there would be a need to regenerate the zombified brain cells of homunculi. Yakou might've been biding time not only to try and figure out how to reconcile the whole homunculus research issue without the UG destroying Kanai Ward, but maybe also for someone to finish research on this medicine.

TLDR; Yakou had always known about the homunculus research and was hiding it because he believed that the info getting leaked would cause the destruction of Kanai Ward by the hands of the UG. In the end, he figured out that the secret would not keep up for much longer, and his plot in chapter 4 wasn't for revenge, but to entrust that Yuma and the rest of his detectives would be able to uncover the truth and work out a way to save Kanai Ward.

#rain code #raincode #master detective archives: rain code #rain code spoilers #yakou furio #shiutpost #my analysis #analysis

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aizawasdumbwhore · 11 months

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Little Things in a Relationship with Dabi

A/N: for this headcannon, i'm gonna try to leave as much wiggle room for creativity as i can. meaning, if you have an OC with a very specific quirk and backstory, I'll leave it to you to fill it in as you read! i know a lot of fanfics sour that when they give the reader or y/n their own story or quirk so I'll be vague. this is also gonna be gender neutral for all to enjoy! Does contain manga spoilers though!!!

Warnings: jealously, slight possessiveness, violence? as much as MHA violence goes

Dabi is unlike any man you have ever met in your life. From his background to his personality. He's a bit snarky and cold, but once he clinged onto you, he turned into a different man.

You met him when he was trying to recruit people for the League's sake. Despite being the one who introduced you, he wasn't too fond of you. He kept his distance, wouldn't talk to you, huffed and puffed in your presence, and was just relatively a nuisance to you.

Something changed, you weren't sure what clicked but it did. He talked to you. And he wasn't mean, he wasn't cold, he wasn't snarky, or sarcastic. He was normal. From there it spiraled on into what you two now considered a relationship.

Dabi wasn't one for grand romantic gestures. He never asked you to be his significant other but the bond shared between you two couldn't be described as anything BUT a romantic relationship.

This included small things. Very small things that meant a lot to you. He didn't show it, but you could feel his appreciation through the unspoken bond. It was like you two were intertwined by the soul. His feelings were your feelings.

Spending quiet nights outside, looking at the stars was one. The first night it happened, you were looking to spend some alone time, but stumbled upon him. He was laying on the concrete. He didn't seem to notice you at all, so you assumed he was caught up in his own thoughts. So you were surprised when he stopped you from leaving, telling you to stay. This became a regular thing. Laying down next to him, watching the stars as you sat in silence.

It was peaceful and liberating. No thoughts, words, nothing came to mind. It was completely tranquil. Only once did Dabi speak, "This is what I imagine it feels like once it's all over." You asked him what he meant but he only responded in an ominous chuckle. That could mean many things. The end of hero society or the end of his life? Whatever it meant, it was obvious he planned to keep it from you.

He would subtly give you affection. If you were sitting on the couch, he would sit next to you and put his arms over the back. His arm would just happen to reach behind you. If anyone ever questioned it, he'd roll his eyes or deny it. But you knew, and it made you blush slightly.

Despite never establishing the relationship, Dabi would get really jealous. Like really jealous. If anyone tried to flirt or get your attention, he got annoyed and was very vocal about it. This caused some teasing from the others that he usually brushed off with a, "Whatever," as he walked off.

Dabi is also protective of you, unlike the others. He knows they could hold their own, he knows you can too. But the thought of anything ever happening to you, the thought you ever leaving made him crumble inside. He didn't expect to open up to you, much less ever again after what happened to his family. So losing you was not ideal. They can live without me, but I can't live without them. That's what he thought about.

Once he revealed who he was to the world, he spent a lot of time alone, but you knew he probably needed some support. You gave him time but eventually he came back around, inviting you to sit in silence with him. He opened up a bit about what his childhood was like for him, how he became Dabi, and what he plans on next. Hearing everything made you feel sad for him inside. This was a new side of Dabi, this was Toya being vulnerable with you and you weren't gonna break that trust.

Dabi trusted you with everything. You knew things about him that the League didn't, that even the Todoroki family didn't know. He would sometimes ramble on about it in the middle of silence. Then say, "Whatever, it doesn't matter anyways."

He'd make up excuses to touch you whenever he could. If you were walking up a mountain, he'd gently push you up by putting his hand on your back. He'd jump in front and pull you up, holding your hand for a little longer as he tried to savor the sensation before it became "weird" to the others. If you got hurt, he'd walk over and offer to take care of you. Once Spinner ran to your aid and Dabi pushed him, jealous seeing him touch you, touching his most prized possession.

He would fantasize about a future with you, telling you all the goals he'd have. He would tell you how having a partner with the same ideals as him was nice for a change. You both shared a strong desire to bring down hero society, especially Endeavor. "Let's make a brighter future, together," he'd say with flames in his hands.

You tended to his stitches a lot. Scolding him if he went too far. He always reassured you that he's fine and he can handle it, but his body always said differently.

Nobody knew what to call the relationship, but it was clear there was mutual love. It was a relationship, even if nobody labeled it as such. But that was the most beautiful of relationships because there were no ridiculous expectations, just pure love.

If you like this then you'll also probably love Little Things in a Relationship with Shigaraki and Little Things in a Relationship with Aizawa pt1 and pt2

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turbulentscrawl · 3 months

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Could I get an Aesop, Norton and Kevin with a S/O who gets turned into a hunter because they learned too much? Like. Their Significant other was always very enthusiastic about discovering secrets and stuff, and they started acting off because they discovered something BAD. And within a month or so. They moved officially to the hunter manor? 🙏

If that's too much, feel free to ignore or decline!

I put my own spin on this, i hope you don't mind! This is SFW but going under the cut because it plays into the horror aspect of the game. Also, I don't have the time to whip up a kevin header currently and don't have the patience to wait on posting this....so I'll get his made and added later!

Warnings: body horror, angst

The worst part of it all is that you can’t even remember the reason for it all.

You were a seeker, a searcher, always nosing into places and subjects you didn’t belong. You craved to know the world’s secrets and that included the manor’s. You spent long hours, days, weeks, investigating the manor’s records, the histories of its inhabitants, obtaining the aid of…some horrific woman. A veritable snake. She told you something. Something bad…. Something that ruined you from the inside out, necrosing its way through every cell.

The changes come slowly at first, and painfully. Your muscles and joints would ache. Your head would throb. Your bones would move on their own, shifting and stretching inside your tearing meat. You drowned in darkness, and suffocated in blinding lights. The worst moments of your life came to you again! Again! Again! Again! Again! Again! Again! Again! Again!

And when all the pain finally melted away, you were different. The friendly faces around you were once your enemies. Your own face was that of a lion, and the original of it staring back was the clueless lamb.

Aesop

-He showed little interest in your “search for answers.” He wants to understand everything better too, true, but even the detective sorts among you had found few answers. Orpheus, Alice, Naib…. No offense to you, of course, I’m just saying he wasn’t be holding his breath….

-But far be it from this recluse to stop you. He of all people understands what it means to hyperfocus on your work. Work is familiarity, truth, and on some level he can imagine how a tangled mystery might be as comfortable to you as a corpse is to him. They both reveal truths in indirect ways.

-Because of your busybody separation from one another during this time, he likely doesn’t notice the changes right away. He probably finds out from someone else about the aches and pains you’ve been having, the sweats, fever, and all without a match in the records to explain them away. People didn’t get sick in the manor, yet somehow you inexplicably were.

-Then you sleep. For days. You’re still enough that Aesop almost feels like he’s watching over one of his 'normal' patients, like he should be doing your makeup. He’s calm, but checks for your pulse and breathing a lot. That’s when he notices you crying in your sleep.

-And things only go downhill from there. Aesop is generally level-headed, but there’s something about your aura that begins to disturb him. He refuses to leave, to abandon you when something is obviously wrong, but you go more and more still under his watchful eyes. You stop breathing, your skin goes pallid, but blood is still hot in your veins—he gives your thumb a pinprick to be sure of it. Your pillow is always wet because you won’t stop silently crying.

-On a whim one day, he decides to check your eyes. He collapses to the ground when he realizes the sockets are empty and raw. He runs from your room then, and when Emily returns to investigate your body is gone.

-The next day, you return in perfect condition. Healthy, though confused, and with no memory of that last several weeks of pain. You both had a match the next day, and Aesop decided he would focus on protecting you above anything else.

-But the Hunter was new. Eerie, unspeaking, blind…and cried ceaselessly. Aesop was frozen in genuine fear when the other you lumbered by him, choking on pained sobs, perhaps in search of your old peace.

Norton

-He told you from the beginning that it was a bad idea. Norton was not an educated man but he had sense—and experience—enough to know when paranormal shit was not to be trifled with. He still had nightmares about that eye….

-But you went on ahead with your business anyway. He let you, albeit while watching his back a whole lot more. Isolating. Swallowing his dread. You remind him of his mistakes before you even make them.

-He doesn’t think much of your first symptoms. Norton gets sore sometimes, and feels ill. The Black Lung never did leave him, and some days he handles it worse than others. You have nothing like that, though, and after several days of persisting discomfort he remembers that fact and sends you to Emily. She’s as perplexed as him though, and that makes him feel even more nervous.

-He also doesn’t notice for a while that you’ve stopped talking about your search entirely. He asks you about it once, when he catches you staring at the wall in a daze, and feels like a knife pierces his lung when you say you don’t have the faintest clue what he’s talking about.

-He keeps catching you like that. Paralyzed in a particular spot. Watching things, unblinking. When you come to, you don’t remember what you were doing. Your memory starts go slip away like Luca’s does, but somehow it’s more severe. You remember who you are, who he is, but everything else is gone. Some evenings he practically has to spoon feed you dinner because the concept of silverware and food have escaped you.

-Paranoid of what it all means, Norton starts to stay with you at night. But he gets no sleep during those times because all night you moan in pain. When Norton wraps his arms around you for comfort, he wears he feels your muscles twisting and undulating under your skin.

-Norton does not remember the last time he’s screamed, but he did the day after you finally seemed better. After he finally started to relax again. He was decoding in the top floor of the hospital when he heard that familiar moaning coming from below. He freezes at the sound, and when he looks over his shoulder he sees a twisted, stretched figure crawling up through the gaping hole in the floor. He knows the hair, the voice, but nothing else is you.

-And he screams, backed up against the cipher like a cornered animal. Never in his life has he not tried to run for his life, but when this Hunter of you locks eyes with him he can’t. He can’t run from what he didn’t fight harder against. Even when facing Fool’s Gold—himself—he’s never felt so much like a failure.

Kevin

-He’s always known he lacks your foresight. Kevin can’t begin to suspect the truth of things like this place. The sprawling vastness of it, he doesn’t trust himself to comprehend the complexity, the darkness. But you? Well, even if this it all a bit eerie, he’s got faith in your intelligence.

-He plays closer attention to you than the other two. The second you start to look off, he tasks notice. He sees the obsession in your face, the dark bags under your eyes, the way your nose digs deeper into things than before. You become…pushier with people.

-Kevin suggests you take a break, but you wave him off. You’re onto something, you say, and just need a little more understanding before everything unravels. He doesn’t like that word. “Unravel.”

-Which is perhaps a premonition, because it’s a great word to describe what happens to you. When you’re awake—and you are awake for irrationally long hours—you seem positively mad. You whisper to yourself in words that don’t sound human. He catches “Hastur” among them a few times, and “Witch” but once again his own comprehension fails.

-And when you sleep, you scream. The fist few nights it happened, he and a few others came running from down the hall and roused you. You didn’t remember the terrors. Night after night it happened, the response dwindling until it was just Kevin abandoning his own sleep to help you from whatever was terrifying you in your sleep.

-Then, you stopped waking up. He tried everything! Water, those smelling salts Emily had. Nothing would wake you and you just kept screaming, screaming, screaming like you were being dissected in your bed. After three days of not sleeping himself, Kevin carried your thrashing form to the infirmary. He was horrified when Emily suggested restraining and gagging you, but he had no other ideas himself. He slept in the chair nearby for what felt like weeks.

-And one day it all stopped. Kevin woke up, cracked his stiff neck, and noticed you were gone from your restraints. Emily was as confused as he was, but before the panic could build you emerged from your own bedroom, right as rain.

-He pulled you aside and cried in your arms until he passed out himself.

-The next match, though, started his own series of nightmares. Only a few minutes in he heard that scream. That blood-curdling wail that had been seared into his memory. It paralyzed him, and everyone else, on the spot. And then the vestige of your suffering appeared. Dark, shivering, voice raw and pained. The new Hunter that rounded the corner was undeniably you, and Kevin was sure he’d never know another peaceful day again.

#idv x reader #identity v #aesop carl x reader #kevin ayuso x reader #norton campbell x reader #idv prospector #idv embalmer #idv cowboy #turbulentscrawl

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exsanguidus · 8 months

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Controversial opinion; I think Ascended Astarion is the true Astarion. In DnD lore, vampirism amplifies a person's traits for whoever they are at the time they become a true vampire. A Paladin wanting to save people will end up ruling a city with an iron fist to keep people safe. A mage wanting to heal those they love will hurt everyone else to heal them. Astarion was on a journey with Tav - one from being controlled, owned, and tortured to being free, curious, and even powerful. Becoming a full vampire and ascending just amplified that. It forced a self-actualization, not a descent into villainy. I think Ascended Astarion is cannon Astarion. He will always be a vampire, and vampires in DnD are always the amplification of a true self. Without ascention, he is still malleable - but I don't think its what he wants. He wants to be powerful (protected by his own power too - his power being a means to self-preservation), he wants to be loved, seen, and free. Free of hunger, free to walk in the sun, free of Cazador. All these things are true regardless of the path you choose. But, they are all only attainable through ascension. When you ascend Astarion - he gets everything he wants and becomes who he truly is.

I'm going to start this with a disclaimer:

I work in the mental health field professionally and majored in Social & Behavioral Science, which is partly why I felt drawn to Astarion as a sort of case study. Characters rooted in trauma are interesting to me and I enjoy picking them apart to judge how real it feels. I utilize my educational and professional background to essentially guide how I write Astarion on this account.

That said, despite me being a professional in the field, all of what I have to say is my personal opinion and interpretation of Astarion's character based on how I interpret the material Larian gave us and the material that can be found in DND lore. Even in real life, things have variation and not all mental health struggles (getting over trauma is part of mental health) present the exact same way. There are theories that exist to try and explain some trends in mental health studies, psychology, and sociology, but again they're called theories for a reason.

Now, my response to this question will be under the cut and will include spoilers.

I know what lore in particular you're referencing, anon, because I've been going back to it a lot ever since I opened this account.

Astarion very much has an insecure attachment style born from his abuse at Cazador's hands. Specifically, an anxious-avoidant attachment type that leans more towards avoidant when he's first met and then begins to swing more towards anxious as he begins to get closer to Tav and the other companions.

Anxious-avoidant attachment types (also known as the “fearful or disorganized type”) bring together the worst of both worlds. Anxious-avoidants are not only afraid of intimacy and commitment, but they distrust and lash out emotionally at anyone who tries to get close to them. Anxious-avoidants often spend much of their time alone and miserable, or in abusive or dysfunctional relationships. Anxious-avoidants are low in confidence and less likely to express emotions, preferring to suppress them. However, they can have intense emotional outbursts when under stress. They also don’t tend to seek help when in need due to a distrust of others. This sucks because they are also incapable of sorting through their own issues. Anxious-avoidants really get the worst of both worlds. They avoid intimacy not because they prefer to be alone like avoidants. Rather, they avoid intimacy because they are so terrified of its potential to hurt them (Mark Manson, Attachment Styles and How They Affect Your Relationships).

Typically, most studies of Attachment Theory focus on the relationship of parents-children or romantic partners, but it can also be applied to any significant relationship someone has in their lifetime. Attachment styles thus are capable of changing based on new relationship experiences.

If you end up giving him the "good" ending where he denies the Ascension, it's implied in his final dialogue that he's actively working towards having a secure attachment type due to the influences of his fellow worm-afflicted associates - particularly Tav.

I think that it's important to also note that, even if Tav doesn't romantically connect with Astarion, he shows hints of desperately wanting someone to care for him, support him, and love him. He does want to know what sex would be like as something other than a tool, and especially what it would be like to actually want to have it just for the pure sake of enjoying having it.

You have to understand that Astarion doesn't even understand the concept of casual sex or friends with benefits. All those times he had to seduce people for Cazador was not casual sex or a friends with benefits situation. All of them were transactions with a means to an end. He got nothing out of seducing those victims besides the possibility of not incurring Cazador's wrath that night - but even then, there was still a possibility because Cazador was an abuser.

Abusers are incapable of providing genuine safety, but can manipulate their victims into believing an illusion of safety. Often times, they manipulate their victims into this by using phrases like "you made me do this by being disobedient", "it wouldn't come to this if you just did what you were told", and then weaponizing basic needs such as shelter, food, and social interaction. The bare minimum becomes something the victim is expected to be grateful for and viewed as a favor, which means anything beyond the bare minimum is expected to be viewed as a theatrical showing of care and love.

In game, Tav has the chance to hear Astarion tell the story of how Cazador turned him. He basically states that he got attacked by a mob due to a ruling he handed down when he was magistrate and then Cazador saved him and offered him immortality. It can be inferred that in his pre-vampiric days, Astarion had no idea that Cazador was abusive to his spawn.

This is likely because it seems that Cazador is careful about his public image. He doesn't allow his spawn to drink from humans, very likely not just as a means to further oppress them and dampen their potential power they could get from drinking people's blood, but also as a way to ensure there's not just a bunch of people out in the city being bitten and left alive to tell the story - or left dead on the street suspiciously.

He has his spawn seduce and lure people, particularly lower class people that would be harder for general society to realize is missing or just that he knows people who could actually challenge him wouldn't care for (you learn that reading some of the books and notes in Szarr Palace). The only exception to this is the kidnapping of Gur children, but even then it seems to fit his MO as it seems Gur are considered somewhat outcasts from the rest of Baldurian society due to their cultural differences.

It should also be noted that he himself doesn't do these seductions or kidnappings. He specifically chooses spawn to be his lackeys and that's likely so, if shit hits the fan and the spawn gets caught, he has deniability since he wasn't there. It's methodical and thought out to keep as many eyes away from him so he can still obtain what he wants and keep sailing under the radar.

Cazador is this methodical and purposeful as a result of his own trauma, which we learn about from the skull of his master in the dungeon of Szaar Palace. There's one interaction in particular with the skull in which Tav can learn that, at one point, Cazador attempted to rebel and usurp his master. Cazador failed and his master punished him via impalement. Not because Cazador had the audacity to try and usurp him, but because Cazador tried and failed. Cazador's master punished Cazador via torture because his master was disgusted by the fact that his spawn was too weak to succeed in such a plot.

Which brings me to my next point... it's not uncommon for victims of abuse to later become abusers. Hence the term Cycle of Abuse exists. Many abusers who were once victims often have the mentality of either "I'm not nearly as bad as my abuser was, they should be grateful I care enough to not be so bad" or "I survived and it made me tougher, they need to suck it up and let it help them build character" or both. They often fail to view their abuse as abuse and fail to recognize how their experience as abuse victims contributes into making them toxic and abusive to others.

There's many peer-reviewed scholarly articles you can find about the cycle of abuse, but one I particularly find useful is Editorial: Dissociation, and cycles of abuse across generations by David P.H. Jones. It talks specifically about parents and children, but I believe some of the general points made can be applied to Cazador and his spawn, as he crafts a very family-like setting that can be seen in the way that his spawn refer to one another as brothers and sisters.

This would thus make him the father figure, a role exponentially made important by the fact he denies his spawn education on things that could serve to give them ideas or the ability to leave him (for example, Astarion mentions that none of the spawn were permitted to learn about the language of the various symbols around the palace) and he consistently chooses his Golden Children (Favored Spawns) as a means of providing more false security. Do what he says, when he says, exactly how he says and don't complain then you will have benefits. You will be Favored, and to have his favor is the highest honor you could achieve.

Torture is clearly presented as Cazador's primary go-to for discipline. Research has also concluded that trauma has a way of affecting the brain and memories.

Trauma can prevent information (like words, images, sounds, etc.) from different parts of the brain from combining to make a semantic memory. The temporal lobe and inferior parietal cortex collect information from different brain areas to create semantic memory (The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine).

Astarion mentions a few times in-game that he can barely remember his life before Cazador, if at all, and a huge part of that is likely because of all the trauma Cazador inflicted upon him that exacerbated the natural occurrence of memory loss from aging (if vampires experience natural memory loss from aging, that is). This is most likely true for all of Cazador's spawn.

I say all this as a set up to truly answering you, anon, specifically where you say: "from being controlled, owned, and tortured to being free, curious, and even powerful. Becoming a full vampire and ascending just amplified that. It forced a self-actualization, not a descent into villainy."

I can argue that Astarion did not feel free up until after a decision to Ascend or not was made. And I argue that stance due to some dialogue he can have with Tav here he basically states that the power Ascension could guarantee that no one, even someone after Cazador is dead, could ever come in to oppress and hurt him again. Even with Cazador dead, he has such an intense fear of being enslaved and used that he turns to catastrophic thoughts as justification to why he needs to Ascend.

Catastrophic thinking is a cognitive distortion that occurs when people have a hard time weighing the likelihood of certain outcomes and believe that terrible or catastrophic outcomes—which are highly unlikely—become, in one’s mind, salient and extremely likely. (Tom Zaubler, MD, MPH).

Aside from the Gur, whom Astarion can manage to evade and even kill perfectly fine as just a spawn, we're not presented with any hints of another big bad in the vampire world that could possibly want Astarion. As such, there's not really any tangible threat, but rather a perceived threat that he believes is destined to darken his doorstep at any time.

His catastrophic thinking is a trauma response. His belief that he needs to be the most powerful being in the room as a way to be truly free is a trauma response. Cazador broke him down emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually to make him believe that he was weak and trapped. Furthermore, that he remained trapped because he was too weak to do anything about it.

You see how this goes full circle into how Cazador's master punished Cazador for not being able to successfully usurp him? It places blame on the victim, allowing shame and helplessness to root that the abuser can manipulate. We know that Astarion definitely feels shame because he tells Tav that. For most of his dialogue until the boss fight, he's constantly bringing up that he did what Cazador wanted and acted obedient because he had no choice.

This is true, he had to act in self-preservation to survive and unfortunately that meant he had to be subservient. A few dialogue choices you can have your Tav pick can challenge Astarion and say he could have still tried, to which he'll rightfully tell Tav that Tav has no right to judge him for the choices he made to survive.

When Astarion encounters Sebastian in the dungeon, its made pretty obvious how much guilt and shame he truly feels. Furthermore, that for all Astarion's protesting and exclaiming that no one has the right to judge him, a part of him did believe that he didn't do enough to try and escape enslavement. A part of himself blamed himself and believed he allowed himself to be abused when, in reality, he was put in a horrible situation with very limited options. He did the best he could in the moment, with what information he had in those moments.

I also want to argue that who Astarion is when we meet him isn't his true self. It's who he had to become in order to survive Cazador. Astarion doesn't even know who his true self is because he didn't have the opportunity to explore his own likes and preferences. Cazador molded all of his spawn because he had a specific purpose for them.

Not only that, but since Cazador would have to more directly deal with these spawn since he used them as lackies, he also would have molded them to behave in ways to his preference so that he wouldn't find their presence unbearable and feel inclined to murder them out of annoyance. This is also where the Favored Spawn being separated and set on a pedestal comes into play. Those who could please him and play to his wants and needs had better benefits. If all of the spawn are acting in self-preservation, they would want to be favored and thus would want to adapt themselves to things Cazador liked and approved of.

This would mean learning to be cruel to those less fortunate and not doing anything as charity. This is the reason why Astarion approves of some questionable decisions Tav can make. Astarion learned his ideals and morality from Cazador because he had to so he could know how to please Cazador and stay in his master's good graces. After a while, even if you started off disagreeing, forcing yourself to act a certain way can become a habit that sticks with you. You convince yourself to enjoy it too so it's easier to swallow.

Astarion craves power because he knows that power is the quickest, easiest, and - what he believes - most effective way to prevent him from having to use that method ever again. It's logical to want power to solve that.

You said in your ask: "He wants to be powerful (protected by his own power too - his power being a means to self-preservation), he wants to be loved, seen, and free. Free of hunger, free to walk in the sun, free of Cazador. All these things are true regardless of the path you choose. But, they are all only attainable through ascension. When you ascend Astarion - he gets everything he wants and becomes who he truly is."

In the most literal of terms, yes, Ascension gives him all of those. However, since the basis of him believing he needs power to be free is rooted in fear, that's not actually really freedom. That is still his fear ruling over him.

There's a stark difference in what someone wants versus what they need. He wants power, to be seen, to be loved, and to be free. What he actually needs is security, stability, support, consistency, empathy, and autonomy. The things he wants is what he believes will solve the empty cups of what he needs, and he believes that because the only example he had on how to act to get what you want - until the events of the game - was Cazador. He literally had no other example of how to get your needs met except through selfishness, cruelty, force, manipulation, and abuse.

Again, I reiterate. The Astarion we first meet is not Astarion's true nature. Astarion's true nature was corrupted by his abuse from Cazador and the subsequent trauma that followed. If it had been his true nature, he would have happily been Cazador's subject because their true natures would have been in alignment.

It only becomes his true nature if he allows that trauma to define him and decides that he needs to embrace it rather than fight it. That is then what gets amplified because that fear that roots those wants becomes amplified.

Honestly, it's impossible to say what would be canon for Astarion because there's too many factors.

Studies have shown that having more supportive and positive influences, even if its later in life after leaving the abuser, tends to work in favor of the victim breaking the cycle of abuse. As such, I think that if you make a Tav who's core values are autonomy, consent, second chances, and redemption and somehow manage to get high enough approval that he'd even consider caring what they think; then its more likely that Astarion would reject Ascension due to observing how much softer, kinder, patient, and merciful Tav is.

But if its a Tav that has no interest in getting to know him beyond the surface or Tav doesn't exist at all, I honestly think he would end up going through with Ascension. Mostly because, to me, it seems like he didn't really bother to have more than surface level interactions with the other companions and the other companions really only ended up getting to know him better as a result to Tav managing to get past his masking. He does not lower his mask on his own accord, only after certain things are done and said by Tav.

Unfortunately, I just don't really think any of the other companions you can pick up in-game would really be able to provide support and determined consistency in the same way that players can make Tav. Hence I don't think he'd end up caring enough about any of them to ever start to think that perhaps freedom can be defined differently than the way he initially believes, and would view Ascension as the only right way to get his needs fulfilled.

#hc ; in one's blood #long post #bg3 spoilers #cw: trauma #cw: abuse #penned by grim ;#askbox ; blood oath

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bad268 · 3 months

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All I Ever Wanted (Logan Sargeant X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/Formula 1

Requested: Nope, Happy Valentine's Day! (Question tho, would anyone be interested if I started writing for James Harvey Blair? I love him and I've been thinking about it...)

Warnings: Mentions cruise ships and Titanic (italics are story fillers)

Pronouns: Second POV (you/your)

W.C. 1759

Summary: Wanted by Hunter Hayes

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

“Logs, I think you’re forgetting something,” You laughed, holding up his phone just before he left. You were sitting on the couch in your shared apartment, spending some time together before he needed to head out for testing, and the day finally came when he needed to leave. He was running around the apartment like a chicken with his head cut off all because he asked for five more minutes. Well, five minutes turned into ten and before you knew it, he had an hour before his flight time. “You’d fall apart without me.”

“You’re right,” he laughed as he came back over to grab the phone and leaned over the back of the couch to give you a kiss before whispering, “I don’t know what I’d do without you, and I don’t know how you remember everything.”

“All in the job, I guess,” You joked as you pulled him back down, quickly giving him one last kiss before pushing him away. “Now go before James has my head for you not making your flight!”

This was a normal occurrence, but you would not change it for the world. Being able to help with even the most mundane things made you feel wanted, and that’s all Logan ever wanted. Having met in his karting days and got together during his F3 campaign, you were by his side through everything, and he needed you to know how much you mean to him.

”Can I get your help with this?” Logan asked as he walked into the Prema garage with his tablet. It was early on in your relationship, having gotten together only a few months prior, so this was technically your first race weekend as his significant other. Not that it really mattered, the crew treated you the same as always, but they did give you two more alone time than you remembered them giving. This allowed for Logan to have a little more freedom when it came to retreating into the backrooms at random times throughout the day. That came in handy for times like this as he showed you what he was struggling with on the tablet. “I can’t figure it out.

“It’s the track layout? What exactly do you need my help with?” You were genuinely confused. It was simply the layout of the track, nothing more nothing less. “I’d love to help, I just don’t understand the question.”

“Is this a right or left turn?” He asked in the same tone as he pointed at turn 3. You looked at the tablet and up at him a few times with wide eyes before answering him.

“Are you joking?” You asked in disbelief. If he was faking, you would not have known because even his eyes showed confusion toward the layout. You sighed, “It’s a long right-hander, Logs.”

“I know, but thanks for confirming,” he laughed, pulling you into his side as he kissed the crown of your head.

It became something the fans looked forward to. Especially during practice sessions because he was not always in the car and the cameras would always pan over to the two of you.

One day, in particular, it was raining. Typical Spa weather, but for once, the FIA made the right decision to delay the qualifying session due to the amount of rain. There were ever-growing puddles around the track, and it was not safe for them to go out and drive.

It was also cold, something you knew about Spa but clearly did not think the temperature would drop as drastically as it did when the rain started falling. That’s what the camera spotted when it panned over to the Williams garage. You and Logan were cuddled together under a tyre blanket as you two looked over the data from the practice session.

“And here we have the crowd-favorite couple of Logan Sargeant and Y/n L/n,” Alex said over the live feed that was being broadcasted to all of the viewers. “Is that a tyre blanket around their shoulders?”

“I think it is,” Pietro Fittipaldi, who was guest starring in the commentary box, laughed. You looked away from the data momentarily, and you see the broadcast zooming in on you and Logan. You nudged his side and pointed at the screen, making him laugh and pull you closer to his side. He gave you a small kiss on your lips, giving the viewers a show. You turned your head toward the camera afterward and smirked as you waved at it. Then, you turned your attention back to the screen just as it played on the screen and Pietro shouted, “We’ve been caught!”

Logan made it his mission to make you feel wanted. And he was willing to fight from the trenches against assholes online for you. He would do anything for you.

“What’s with that face?” Logan asked as he walked into the kitchen to grab a snack. It was during one of the brief breaks he had, so he decided to go back to your shared apartment. You were sitting at the counter, looking at your phone. Specifically, it was a recent post from the Williams Instagram that had a picture of you and Logan, and the comments on the post were not-so-nice at best. He leaned over your shoulder to see exactly what it was and immediately took your phone out of view. “What did I say about reading hate?”

“It’s hard not to when it’s everywhere,” you sighed, leaning back into his embrace. He wrapped his arms around your shoulders as he leaned his head against your shoulder, looking at the side of your face.

“Well, you know who’s opinion matters? Not theirs. Who even are they?” Logan answered, trying to make you laugh. “Jealous, that’s what they are. You are pretty and get to travel the world. These guys are chronically online, so they have nothing on you.”

“You’re pretty too, y’know,” you chuckled halfheartedly, still trying to forget what was said in the comments. “But your pretty is deeper than the surface. Your personality is pretty.”

“Glad to know you find my personality pretty because yours is prettier,” Logan jokingly flirted as he placed a kiss on your exposed shoulder. “Those people have clearly never heard your collection of dad jokes.”

“Hey! They’re good and you know it!”

Eventually, he knew that he was ready for the next step. No-not adopting a dog. He was ready to propose. After long discussions with Oscar (because he is substantially more put together than Logan (jokes)), he knew the perfect ring and the perfect way to ask.

It was after the season, and you two were visiting his family in Miami. Despite living in a beach town with a lot of luxury ships, he and his family had never been on a cruise, so that was what you suggested when everyone was talking about plans for the holiday.

That’s where you found yourself during the break, on a huge cruise ship in the middle of the ocean with his family and a few of your closest friends. The itinerary included St. Kitts, St. Thomas, St. Martins, and, Logan’s favorite, the Bahamas. You both relaxed, you learned how to fish (and even got another infamous fish picture of Logan), and you all went snorkeling around a shipwreck together.

The entire trip, Logan tried his best to relax, but he always had the lingering thought of “hey, I have the ring in my pocket, and I need to propose at some point.” You could tell something was on his mind, but you chalked it up to him being nervous since it was his first cruise. It was not until the second to last night that he finally mustered up the courage.

You were standing at the back of the ship with Logan, watching the sunset. You were leaning against the railing as Logan stood behind you with his hands on your sides.

“Wanna pretend we’re from the Titanic?” You joked, looking back at him as you put your arms out to the sides like Rose.

“Can we not joke about being on a sinking ship while we are on a ship in the middle of the ocean?” He laughed nervously.

“Ah, are you scared, Mr. I drive at over 200 kph for a living?” You teased, looking back out to the open ocean. Logan was about to make a comment, but someone moving to his side caught his attention. Kyle and Oscar were walking by them, ready to take pictures of the moment since Logan asked them to photograph the moment. “Woah, cat got your tongue for once? Usually, you have some sort of smartass remark.”

“Actually, I wanna tell you something,” He started off. You did not turn around, but you moved your arms from the railing to hold his hands as they wrapped around your torso. “All I ever wanted was to make you feel wanted.”

“You do an amazing job at that, Logs,” You chuckled, turning your head slightly to place a small kiss on his cheek.

“You make me feel so loved, but I want to make you feel better. I want to be better than all of the fairy tales you grew up with and better than your best dreams. I want to call you mine, I want to hold your hand forever and never let you forget it. I want to spend the rest of my life proving to you how wanted you are because, to me, you’ll always be wanted,” He spilled, lovingly as he slowly turned you around throughout the speech. You were too busy gazing into his eyes (and keeping the tears from falling) to notice the other two secretly recording and taking pictures of the moment. Especially when Logan finished off the speech by getting down on one knee and holding out the ring for you. “All I ever wanted was to be married to you. Will you do me the honors?”

“I never imagined feeling so loved and wanted in a relationship, but you are better than any of my wildest dreams,” You cried before realizing you never answered him. You prompted him to put the ring on your finger before whispering, “I would love to marry you, Logs.”

“They said yes!” He jumped up, picking you up in the process and turning you toward the (now visible) men with their phones out.

“Put me down!” You scratched, “I know I made Titanic jokes earlier, but I’m not really planning on being thrown overboard tonight.”

~~~~~

#logan sargeant x reader #logan sargeant #logan x reader #logan sargeant x you #logan sargeant imagine #logan sargeant fluff #logan sargeant fanfiction #williams racing #williams formula 1 #williams f1 #f1 #f2 #f3 #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 #formula 1 imagine #formula 2 x reader #formula 3 x reader

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