#gotta point out which ones
Note
Please be more careful when you're reblogging fan art. On more than one occassion you've reblogged stolen fan art which gets spread around even more and that's so unfair to the artists.
Do you have specifics that you are referring to? I went through the last 5 days, and if it was art/fanfiction, I know for all except one or two that they were the original poster's stuff.
If you know ones that art stolen, I can take it down from my blog or try to find the original artist.
If you just do a blanket statement, one cannot be better. For example, I didn’t know Ravewood blogged stolen art without credit. Once I did, I stopped reblogging their stuff.
Just gotta let me know. If you notice, most of the stuff I reblog has the original artist's tags, and I even tag it that way, too.
So, let me know which ones, and I will work to do better!
Though, if they are funny memes, no dice. I will share the laughs to ensure everyone can be happy and laughing.
#anon ask#anonymous#anon#reblog issues#seriously#gotta point out which ones#can't fix what is just a blanket point#anon ask answered#answered ask
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HEY. HEY.
HEY @re-dracula WHAT GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO HAVE JONATHAN ACTUALLY READING THAT PASSAGE OUT LOUD BEHIND SEWARD DESCRIBING THE SCENE, HUH? WITH THE TEARS IN HIS VOICE AND THE PAUSING AND THE SHORT LITTLE INHALES AND THE VOICE CRACKS? WAS IT TRULY NECESSARY??? I WAS ALREADY CRYING. I DIDN'T NEED THIS TOO. WHAT THE FUCK.
#dracula#dracula daily#re: dracula#re dracula#to be clear this is meant in sarcastic jest this episode was a beautifully crafted piece of art and I'm blown away by the cast and#the producers and the editors... holy fucking shit I know today's was a short episode but I think it's taken its place as my favorite so fa#it beat out jonathan fuckin dropping out of the sky in front of drac with his fuckin knife out in order to protect his wife which was ALSO#very good and made me cheer out loud in my car but THIS#also why does jack get to narrate all the dope ass dramatic scenes#I wonder if Mina was like#no really y'all this dude has the best voice and grammar structure for storytelling#we gotta let him keep doing the phonograph thing and I'll just keep copying it down later#tbh she's so valid for that also y'all are so valid for casting jonny sims in this role bc he SHINES when he's describing emotional shit#he NAILS the middle ground between conveying the emotion of a scene and still being a separate narrator#it's almost like he did a whole podcast of that one time ANYWAY my point is y'all are incredible and I am so fuckin glad y'all decided to#start this project
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I cannot imagine being a Damian stan right now. You've got both Zdarsky's bullshit (where he clearly doesn't give a shit about your boy) and The Boy Wonder (where Juni Ba clearly gives so many shits about your boy) coming out on the same day. The whiplash must be insane. I hope y'all get some nice warm soup for your efforts jfc
#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian al ghul wayne#batman#batfamily#for all of the issues that come with having Steph as your fave having too much wild shit happening at once is never one of them#btw I quite like The Boy Wonder Issue 1. wow shocker an artist and writer who I have liked everything they've ever done#has once again written something that I am enjoying with art that makes me want to be part of its world.#it's almost like Juni Ba is really freaking talented or something#like I have some problems with it but it seems like many of those are part of the point. Damian is learning that his siblings are more#three-dimensional than he realized and that is part of this 'coming of age' story merged with fairytale#so I can't be mad at the oversimplistic defining of Dick and Jason and Tim until the conclusion of the series. that might be the point.#I hope that the series will address Steph as a Robin but if not then frankly it's not an issue unique to this series.#I'll be annoyed and disappointed but ultimately roll with it like I am with Babsgirl being here. There's too much good stuff here to get#hung up on shit that seems to be almost an editorial mandate at this point. at least that's where I'm at.#I am also very sorry that Chip Zdarsky is massacring your boy. he has 'X (Tim for him) is the best Robin so everyone else must suck' diseas#where a writer really likes one specific Robin and in trying to uplift them demeans all of the other Robins. instead of like...just writing#for that one character only or alternatively not demeaning the other characters in order to make his blorbo look good#it's wild because I actually think his writing for Tim is pretty solid. but he's not writing a Tim series. he's writing a Batman series.#and if you are going to write a Batman series and include other Batfamily members you need to actually write them well.#instead of assigning them like 2 personality traits while Tim gets to be a whole character#I accept that behavior in fanfic where I have lesser standards because it's fucking free. not a comic run that wants me to pay#tens of dollars in order to understand what the fuck is going on. he's been going for a while now it's gotta be a lot of money.#I can buy Steelworks with that money. I can see John Henry and Natasha Irons in a trade. Fuck you Chip.#it's why it takes such a special person to write a good ensemble story/a good Batfamily story. you have to be good at writing a LOT#of different characters. which I don't think most people are. I sure as hell am not. I can write maybe 3 at a time confidently well.#and you also have to give all of them at least SOME love or else people will be upset that you aren't focusing on their fave#and also the writing as a whole will suffer. Chip Zdarsky is a pretty good Tim writer. I'd maybe read a Tim solo written by him.#I would not read a story focusing on multiple characters that I like written by Chip Zdarsky. because every character who isn't Tim#is at least a bit weak/inconsistent/out of character INCLUDING FUCKING BATMAN. THE NO. 1 GUY MOST ARE HERE FOR
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Can you please draw Edgar and Johnny stargazing or something like that
Day 8 - Stargazing
#My art#Requestober#Vargas#Nny#Edgar#I actually went and looked up what constellations are most visible around this time of year lol#I've never gone looking for Pegasus :0 I wonder how much we can see from here#Gotta be a clear night for it! Chilly#So cold that their noses have gone red haha - they're all bundled up but that car hood has to be freezing#I super didn't want to draw a car so I mostly cheated lol ♪ It's close enough!#I could've drawn them on a late-night picnic I guess but them laying on the hood of the car is just the Most Correct y'know?#They're gonna be frozen solid once they're done lol#Oh no however will they warm up lol#That said they're not even touching while sitting out here haha ♪ Nny doesn't like it! His arm is fully over his waist!#Did Nny have the beanie or did he borrow it? Who's to say#Edgar would have a matching scarf to go with his favourite shirt tho he's a dork like that <3#Same reason he'd know which constellation Nny's pointing at like that - bookish nerd ♥#Gosh this one was close to being posted outside of the usual 2:30 time! Hopefully that won't be a theme#Wish me luck ♫
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i’m sooo curious on bill meeting dipper’s parents. i think i remember you mentioning at one point they kinda sucked and treated dip especially bad. i’m sure that’s caused a lot of his long term mental health/self esteem issues and i can’t help but think his husband wouldn’t be too thrilled about that. also they don’t even know he’s married so that’s a whole other thing lol
In the Familiar AU, Dipper's parents shipped him and Mabel off to Grunkle Stan back when they were twelve, actually!
This was initially excused as the twins 'needing to get used to having magic'. Which makes sense! Magical puberty is a heck of a thing, and getting some training's useful to cut down on random magic surges.
But by the end of the summer, they hadn't made any plans for picking the kids up. This when Stan twigged to the real situation.
And by the end of that year, Dipper knew his 'paranoid' assumption was absolutely correct.
So the twins grew up in Gravity Falls, with only very occasional visits back 'home'. Contact's been sporadic, and Mabel's been the one who's clung more to their parent's attention. Dipper hasn't spoken to them unless forced to in years.
So yeah! Bill's not exactly thrilled with the parents - but lucky for them, they haven't met him yet! And they definitely don't know about the marriage. Much less anything else.
#answers#In summary: The twins' parents found out their kids were magical and decided they Just Couldn't Deal with that#They're not magical themselves and giving your kids some Magic Training is a good idea#But at some point you need to actually *take them back*#Which they just. Didn't#Dipper abso-friggin-lutely has a whole mess of issues from that#Abandonment's a big one. Being worth something and good at something? Yep that's an issue right there#Not the least of which is that Mabel as a more Talented and Powerful magic user got more attention when they were still there#Then continued to get more attention via phone call when they weren't#Mabel's got some REALLY rose-colored glasses on about the situation#Dipper sees it for the 'well my kids are freaks but at least one of them is a Cool Freak' it is#That's a fact he's been stewing on for *ages*. A fact bomb that he could theoretically drop on his sister but never did#Needless to say he got the brunt of the Issues™ but Mabel's got her own in turn#I'm also betting there's more than a dash of homophobia in their parents considering their reaction just to Magic#So the parents aren't going to be very thrilled about either of their partners#In my head I picture the parents wanting a Totally Picturesque Family#And creating the visual of one is easier if you only have Pictures of the kids instead of them being there and being themselves#In summary: Yeah The Parents Suck#I started a fic for this once and I still intend to write one but that's a later type of project#I gotta have the right start for it to flow well
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Spirit animal SQH
#svsss#shang qinghua#but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but#but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee#also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but#I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg#oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left#I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something#or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird#LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm#I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either#I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself#eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up#I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa#man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong#cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk#its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment#with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig#and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down#but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications#and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly#man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk
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would laios try n eat the imps.....
#why am i even asking ofcourse he would#sobs when they turn into grist#would falin be like... a sprite??#got prototyped with thistles sprite which is from another session or someshit#newest dungeon weirdness#dungeon has now become sburb#i do nothave the brain power to be trying to logic out crossover shit#i gotta read one those detailed classpect guides someday... i wanna be able to point at a fucker n diagnose their god tier like its the tis#almost done with school................#kinda#:')#rambles#dm#the lion could b a first guardian??
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chapters 51 and 58 of bloodmarked are absolutely CARRYING bree/nick/selwyn polyamory truthers
#selwyn is kind of a stupid name I realized as I was typing this. like I've gotten used to it over 2 books but it's so silly. selwyn#anyway. me disappearing for days and only showing up for like 30 minutes to reblog 3 things#and make a nigh incomprehensible post letting you guys know what book I'm reading now (read. I finished it yesterday actually.#now I'm rereading legendborn bc I'm apparently not ready to move on to a new book and also I forgot most of the shit from that book)#anyway I've been on the polyamory train for these 3 since I read legendborn in 2020 but I swear it's only gotten stronger#like what do you MEAN selwyn (magically oathed to protect nick) FEELS SAFER with nick around#THE SAME WAY BREE DOES. AND BOTH SELWYN AND NICK LIKE. AGREE ON HOW MUCH THEY LOVE BREE. AND THERE'S NO WEIRD JEALOUSY ABOUT IT#AND SELWYN CANONICALLY WAS AT ONE POINT IN LOVE WITH NICK????#AND NICK LITERALLY SAYS TO SEL “I CAN'T LOSE YOU AND I WON'T LOSE HER”????#LIKE?????#THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS YOUR STANDARD ASS LOVE TRIANGLE IT'S GOTTA BE AT LEAST A LITTLE POLYAMORUS#IF NOT A FULL TRIANGLE BREE SHOULD AT *LEAST* GET 2 BOYFRIENDS. SHE DESERVES IT#even if it does end up a standard love triangle though this is honestly a genuinely good one#like I genuinely like both love interests neither of them are weird or annoying or creepy about her#anyway. need book 3 out as soon as possible I swear to god I almost can't see how this ends in monogamy#I'm talking about the legendborn series by tracy deonn btw everyone#another arthurian inspired book series which if you saw my other post the other day I swear this isn't intentional#legendborn#bloodmarked#the legendborn cycle#tracy deonn#bree matthews#nick davis#selwyn kane
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charlie kelly - season 16
#iasip#it's always sunny in philadelphia#charlie kelly#charlie day#my gifs#s16 spoilers#sorry if this sucks photoshop keeps deleting all my settings :(#gonna be real... i know they were prob trying to balance things out bc s15 had a bunch of charlie stuff#but man there werent enough good charlie moments this season :(#(or at least not stuff i really enjoyed)#i have a dee one coming up tomorrow (not even gonna get into how much worse this season was for her)#& then i think after that im taking a sunny gifmaking break for a bit#i love making these (and im planning on coming to them eventually) but theyre a lot of work#and tbh ive been thinking i need to spend less time on tumblr/sunny stuff bc im just not having as much fun as i used to#& i know i'll enjoy it again eventually tho bc my brain likes to cycle thru the same 5 interests year after year (lol)#just have 2 get there again!!! which might take a bit of time#might still be on all the time. might not.#might be a little more multifandom might make gifs or fanart for other stuff (dont wanna scare everyone off tho)#idk at this point but i felt like i needed to get it out there ya kno#kinda gotta figure out some things. like how to have an actual social life & finding time to make art & not feel overwhelmed all the time.#speaking of art maybe i'll start updating my art blog lol#anyway... gonna be fun when i do come back to these to try to find them to add the links
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i haven't played minecraft in years, but with the armadillo winning the vote, i think about how wolves don't really have much going on in terms of their utility. like anytime i tame a wolf, i end up just kinda keeping them sitting at home.
i think if mojang really does feel like wolves are deserving of armour, with the addition of armadillos, they really need to update wolves to be more useful as companion mobs, because personally... i never feel the urge to bring a wolf with me when im going out to do things, especially if it involves combat.
like, what do dogs do best? fetching stuff and digging, right? like i wish that i could just mill about with a wolf and they track a scent or something and start digging into the dirt and then proceed to bring you that item. like it could range from rarely digging up iron nuggets to digging up vegetables or whatever, yknow. combine the fetching stuff with combat and you wouldn't have to manually pick up stray arrows or items from mobs your wolf kills.
the only other thing i wish you could do with wolves is automate their health in some way, like give more utility to the bowl item so you can place it down for them to eat from so you don't have to constantly manage their health by looking at their tail. just minor quality of life stuff i guess.
idk, that's just my thoughts. i do like wolves in minecraft, they just feel rather lacking with the way some new mobs have so much going on, like the sniffer and allay and so on.
#id like to play minecraft at some point but sadly i dont think my current computer can run it due to not supporting opengl#but yeah. i usually keep this stuff to tags but i figured my thought process wouldve ended up with more than 30 tags#so thusly just. lone post of my thoughts.#but back on subject. i kinda think about how you could automate like... mob farms with wolves. but i run into dead ends#like how do you specify which mobs to have your wolf ignore. and how do you target them in the first place without attacking them#like. maybe the scope? like you zoom in on the mob you want attacked. idk. thats a tough one to figure out.#cause like it has to be something that can be easily executed. and easily managed.#like im imagining going to a pig pen and letting a wolf in to go kill and then bring back the items#but like you dont want the wolf to kill all of them... and yeah ik theres more efficient ways to farm mobs#i guess i just want it to be a bit more player involved. add some fun to it.#i like going around and doing things. automation is kinda less of my thing in most cases#especially with the complexity of some things right. like having a simple easy option would just be nice to have i guesz#its just all about how you go about executing it in gameplay#anyway thats all my damn brain power#minecraft#tagging that for myself for if i gotta find it later
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teardrop is so interesting to watch each episode. i KNOW girlie was feigning weakness the second she fell outta barf bag
#snowball likes to challenge himself (thus wouldnt take on someone weak) and grassy can be nice and i KNOW my girl knew that#ik people point out that shes got some serious plot armor (which i dont blame the writers for giving her#they kinda had to when they made her a one-man army) but you gotta admit they get creative with it!#not to mention it gives her the opportunity to show real character which was a problem in earlier days of bfdi#she didnt have anything going for her like other characters which im guessing the twins didnt know how to do since shes mute#anyways. i love you teardrop#tpot#tpot spoilers#bfdi#bfdi teardrop#tpot teardrop#mossball.txt
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what if one of these days I choose violence when I see a particular post many of you love sharing & get blocked by the remaining fraction of atla fans who don’t have me blocked already 🥺
#I’m resisting because I KNOW it’s one of those not talking to me things. like it’s not about me & that’s fine#but it. should be about me#ok I’m talking about that post like azula & jet fans team up sometimes because they hate that the fandom loves Zuko & Iroh & —#I want to stop you right there#I can’t speak for all azula & jet fans#but as a massive fan of both characters & someone who has written many thousands of words about the characters themselves#togehter & on their own. analysis & fic.#I gotta say. it actually has nothing to do with fans or other characters#I simply love azula#I simply love Jet#it’s not out of spite or weird competitiveness on a parasocial level with hypothetical opponents#I simply love the characters#idk that post just annoys me#like why are you so obsessed with Zuko & Iroh fans if you hate them & you hate Zuko & irl h#which is stupid on its own but that’s not the point#anyway!!!!!!#vague blogging
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Happy Holidays!!
#Mianite#I’d like to apologize for the tag essay you don’t gotta read all that idk what happened#you know its interesting how red has called jordan ‘skipper Sparklez’ implying that he places them on the same level#especially since both of them have messed with capsize’s ship. but jordan places himself on the same level as capsize#because theyre both captains (which stops being true since capsize demotes him to boatswain)#and capsize makes Tom a captain meaning she places him on the same level as herself (Tom is a captain because he owns a ship btw)#(which btw is why capsize was like ‘you’re leaving my crew?’ to Jordan when he got the ss jerry but technically since he says the ship is#‘for capsize’s fleet’ it belongs to her)#I think the issue with Jordan and Capsize is that he doesn’t actually like her as an individual but as an idea#that idea being ‘having a teammate’ because it’s just been him up until that point.#arguably jordan doesn’t really care about capsizes feelings on things examples of this are#her saying no to getting married but he like ignores that and continues on with the idea that they’re together/ going to get married.#him throwing gold at her and assuming that was all it took to get a date out of her instead of asking (like everyone’s given her gold he#ain’t special) and the ss jerry which was made to impressive her but it’s in a color he likes and also he named it#also him stepping over capsizes boundaries and kissing her#me personally I will not write them having a positive relationship because Jordan’s ruined it for himself truly#I think we as a society need to put more blame on Jordan when it comes to capsizes death by the way#like while he wasn’t the only one in the room BUT he was the only one capable#Tucker was stuck in a hole Tom was being a bitch in the background Red was paralyzed in fear#and when Capsize gets threatened you know what he says? ‘Skipper you gonna do something’ (something along those lines anyways I don’t fully#remember) like he let Furia fucking villain monologue are you serious???#also it’s way more interesting that they don’t get along#or maybe i just like issues idk#feel free to disagree ofc
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☼ ☾ ♁ ☿ ♀ ♂ ♃ ♄ ♅ ♇ ♆
#megaman#mega man#rockman#ロックマン#stardroids#space rulers#SRN#scrib corner#i REALLY do not feel like botherin with tagging everyone. whats the point anyways#doin what Ws doin and getting started on V week early by TRYIN to figure out how to draw them#its hard! its actually hard!#esp uranus like What the fuck. that body of his is absurd#plus i gotta think abt a consistent Theme for the week. thinkin abt using one song per man but like....which ones is the question#ive got a lot of HC for the space rulers. a lot of it might not match up with fanon consensus so im afraid to talk abt it. lot of it is WMG#but i want to believe theyve....sort of got benevolent intentions???? in a roundabout way#that doesnt reflect in megamix or archie or anything but why would it in Rock's narrative
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Fuck Sweden as a nation for turning the woobification of our history and culture into one of our greatest exports, pretending to be wholesome and peaceful while profiting from conflicts elsewhere. For never having the fucking spine to take any stance ever and acting high and mighty for being "neutral", all while frothing at the mouth to get a piece of that colonial cake from the cool kids table where the superpowers are seated. For recognizing Palestine's sovereignty only to then consider a withdrawal of said recognition in response to the current genocide. For allowing islamophobia to get to the point it is now and then pointing fingers at jews as a whole. For giving less of a flying fuck about swedish jews during WW2 and until now, yet patting ourselves on the back and taking credit for heroic deeds done primarily by individuals.
I wish nothing but absolute hell and misery for Ulf Kristersson, who is even more spineless about his inaction than I thought possible. Who had nothing to say about the burnings of the torah and quran, only to claim that he stands for fighting antisemitism. Who puffed up his chest and was acting so tough about the things he would do once he became prime minister, only to hold up on none of his lofty promises in true conservative fashion. Both he and his lackeys (as well as their fanclubs of raging screaming bigots) deserve nothing but hurt and hell for continuing to destroy the lives of all marginalized groups in Sweden, all while shamelessly increasing their own salaries blatantly in the open, to then have the sheer and utter gut to declare that actively supporting genocide is within our best interests.
This country's audacity is one that only became possible because we sacrificed our neighbours safety for the sake of maintaining our own, because when your most recent war was in 1809 it's apparently not possible to even try and comprehend the horrors of modern warfare. That is, besides producing the tools for it to happen elsewhere.
#the complete disdain for compassion and humanity is abhorrent#not to mention incomprehensable#im sorry im all over the place bedridden cause bad pain day which makes me even more angry#because i want to strangle everyone in riksdagen with my bare hands#and like im sorry not to be a state hater or anything (sike) but how#and i mean HOW. can one claim that we know democracy#when the people who supposedly represent the rest of us#can just go ahead and do these types of things willy nilly as they please#how can we claim to have free will when the burdens of having to earn the right to life#by working to death and being left to die if we cant adapt to the system#and being actively drained too dry to dare take risks standing up#how can that ever be freedom?#seeing everything coming out of gaza in video audio images all of it#and feeling hopeless? powerless to do anything?#how is that NOT suppression? to break people down to the point they cant find the spirit to fight?#to cast other regular people as villains so that all energy is spent falling into bigotry?#social media is hell but its also one of our greatest tools now#its like being able to zoom out and see the greater overview of the stranglehold capitalism and colonialism has on the world#im not coherent at all and my thumbs are dying now i just#but sooner or later somethings gotta give re: the way our society is built as a whole globally
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ugly maths.
i hate maths, right. i don't usually like numbers, and if i do like numbers it's gotta be an 8 or a 48 and nothing else.
thing is, i've recently caught myself doing maths again. ugly maths. the kind of maths that, really, i've been trying to avoid as much as possible because, well, it's ugly!
you... wanna see?
okay, fine... but don't say i didn't warn you!
ugly, see? look at all those numbers! not a 48 in sight!
huh? what's that? you don't see what i'm on about? oh... oh! hang on, lemme just—
better? yes? no? no? okay, what if i—
mmh, yes. ugly numbers. see it now? can you see why they're ugly?
here, i can make it worse.
these numbers are ugly. the maths they make me do is ugly.
now i'll level with you: the worst ones by far are the yellow numbers. the maths they make me do it the ugliest.
why ugly?
because it makes me ugly.
those numbers turn me into not only a suddenly number-obsessed fool, but a fool who also cannot understand these numbers and what they mean and why i feel like they reflect on me and my ability.
87, 75.
the thoughts are as follows:
• the orange numbers are big, so why are you being ugly about the yellow ones? you should be happy with what you have. so many nice big numbers! not everyone receives that.
• is it that there are two different audiences for these two different fics? perhaps. they are quite different works, with different appeals, and different themes. maybe you are reading too much into it.
• why are you obsessing over numbers anyway? you don't like maths! you left maths behind when you were 16, put it down!
okay, okay, fine! i'll put the maths down. right here, in fact!:
that 87 was an 83 at the start of the year. the 6161 it is attached to was a 5453.
4, 708.
ugly maths.
the 75 is a nice number. in fact, compared to 87, it is beautiful, radiant, enchanting. at the start of the year, 75 was 48. wow. now that is one sexy number!
27.
mmmm.
6161, 1061.
5100.
87, 75.
12.
mmmm.
you know, my most favourite comment left recently on a fic of mine was 2 characters long: :(
it made me :)
well, actually, it made me >:) because it was left in response, presumably, to one of the key scenes in a new chapter which left the exact impression on someone that i hoped it would.
they must be the only one who reacted like that, though.
1.
have i mentioned that that 87 and 75 include author responses?
i won't try to do more maths, there. it might not end well for me. the maths is making me tired enough as it is, and i have an early start tomorrow.
oh! but, that being said, i have another set of ugly numbers to show you, so keep 87 and 75 in mind.
ready?
838, 245.
(want a hint? the green numbers!)
838, 87. 245, 75.
9.6, 3.3.
ugly maths. it's ugly again, see? i don't like it. i'm seeing numbers within numbers within numbers, and i can't seem to stop!
the numbers make me ask new questions:
• why is it not good enough?
• people seem to engage more with one fic over the other, so shouldn't you prioritise?
• is all this maths this really good for you?
no, it isn't.
i want to avoid ugly maths. ugly maths makes me want to tear my hair out. it makes me want to start from scratch. it makes me want to grab someone and scream. it makes me want to cry and press a button that has tempted me many times before when the numbers become too ugly to bear.
ugly maths turn me into an ugly person.
ugly maths make me obsessive, paranoid, anxious, regretful, vindictive, spiteful, alone.
i hate maths. i hate numbers, just like, it feels, the numbers hate me.
#helia rants#cw vent#i'm okay but i'm not#this has been playing on my mind over the last couple of weeks#it's aimed at the sky rather than anyone here#i know i'm not the best myself as commenting. i justify it to myself by affirming i don't read much. which i don't.#since the start of the year i have tried to comment on everything i have read#bearing in mind i may also dm someone rather than comment because i want to scream and ramble about their fic more personally#that being said. i know i'm not the only one who finds themselves doing ugly maths#and in turn starting to feel uglier too#i don't like looking at the numbers#i was doing well at the start of the year#but as i open my drafts and look to a new chapter and at the notes i wrote#i can't stop myself from opening the fic. from seeing where it's at. from seeing if it's changed. from checking my inbox to see if...#if only...#what it's meant is that i've come to a point where a fic i loved has become exactly that: a fic i loved. past tense#the other fic is still a fic i love. but i know deep down that that is tied to the numbers too#i hate that this is what i've become#because i have tiny fics. fics with 50 hits and maybe 1 comment. and i love them. i still love them#but when it comes to the big ones. the multi-chapters. the hefty fics. after a point all i see are numbers#and those numbers have come to determine both my happiness and fulfilment as a writer#and so i am ugly. i am sad. i am pathetic.#and i don't know how to stop.#helia's stuff#this was meant to save back into my drafts. i was editing tags. tumblr decided it should post. so... so be it.#also this is not an attention thing if anyone dares go 'oh but you're a good writer uwu' i might do something we'll all regret#this is also not a 'ffs comment on my fics will you 😒' hell no#it's just about me. and my issue. and my unhealthy relationship with these fucking numbers.#gotta get this shit out of my head somehow :)
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