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biffhofosho · 2 years

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Another Year Wilder | Part One

Fandom: Monsta X

Genre: Smut, natch.

Word Count: 12k (The whole thing is about 30k, but I don’t love the idea of posting a oneshot that long, so it’s two parts.)

Pairing: OT7 x OC (you read that right)

Trope: Coworkers to lovers

Synopsis: At 36, things haven’t exactly panned out the way Jordana had hoped. Sure, she has a great job with a great group of guys, but her personal life is a disaster area. Of course, it wasn’t like she’d planned on wasting the prime of her youth on a crappy ex who left her in the lurch, but she had. Now, birthdays feel like a jab in the gut as she realizes she’s still single and aging out of all her prospects. Lucky for her, her seven adoring coworkers are here to remind her she’s still got it.

Part One | Part Two

The Vibe: Gamer nerd/entrepreneur Monsta X, New York state of mind with Brazilian flavor, OC’s feeling pretty sorry for herself and needs a pick-me-up, supportive coworker friends with secret crushes swoop in to the rescue, spoiled on her birthday, after-hours partying at the office, lighthearted humor with loads of innuendo, inappropriate games, lots of hidden agendas, romance under layers of raunchy smut, guys who won’t quit until they make a woman incandescently happy, devious Minhyuk always, Shownu and Kihyun are forever in control (or are they?), respect, adoration, love love love, shared power, new experiences, and a look to the future we’d all die to have.

A/N: WARNING! THIS FIC IS NOT SAFE FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION. THIS IS UTTER TRASH AND IS MEANT ONLY FOR TRASH TROLLS LIKE MYSELF. (If that’s you, hi! Let’s be friends!)

It’s probably the kind of fic people like on their side blogs with the likes hidden so you don’t have to admit to being so damn thirsty on main. :D

This is all @starlightfantasy‘s fault. She makes one damned spicy comment, and the next thing I know, I’ve got tens of thousands of words on the page and sky-high blood pressure.

I’m not going to try and dress this one up with nonsense words like “eightsome” or whatever makes it seem less seedy—sometimes a garbage scow is just a garbage scow. This is a good ol’ fashioned, wildly irresponsible, completely unbelievable office gangbang. Or maybe more aptly, a gangbang with feelings? IDK, whatever you want to call this mess other than just de-fucking-praved. Like, no one should probably ever read it, it’s such dumpster fire.

Too much fucking insanity for the tags so let’s gooooooo: group sex/gangbang, boss(es)/employee relations, nothing but unprotected sex, blindfolds, spitroasting, blowjobs, facials, handjobs, fingering, multiple multiple creampies, just generally showered in cum omgwhy, dumbification, competitive fucking because why the fuck not, exhibitionism and voyeurism elements, manhandling, dom/sub elements, orgasm denial, possessiveness, sir kink, restrained by others (but most def not dubcon), so much fucking dirty talk, so so so much fucking praise, mild self-inflicted degradation lol, body worship, the loveliest aftercare (hey, she works fucking hard in this—she deserves it), probably other stuff because this is a shitshow.

Jordana prodded the chocolate curly-cue on the top of the cupcake in front of her before Hoseok jabbed a candle into it. She recoiled with a scowl and tsked. “Tell me again why you people are making me celebrate today.”

“Because it’s your birthday?” Jooheon reminded with a roll of his eyes. “Happens every year on this day, you know.”

“I know, smartass. Every year for 36 years. I wish you wouldn’t remind me.”

As Hoseok dug for the matches in the breakroom drawer, Kihyun stared at the sulking woman across from him. “What’s the matter, Jordana? You’ve never had a problem with your birthday before.”

“Maybe because the last 35 didn’t remind me that I’m old, single, and likely to stay that way forever.” She poked the frosting again, and this time when her finger came back with a hunk of chocolate on it, she smeared a streak on an unsuspecting Jooheon beside her, who blustered and snarled while Changkyun chuckled.

“Thirty-six’s a little young to be throwing in the towel, don’t you think?” Hyunwoo chastised from his lean against the counter. “Since when is that old?”

“Yeah, if 36’s old, a few of us will be knocking on Death’s door soon, too,” Hoseok observed before he found the matches and thrust them in the air with a victorious fist.

Jordana pursed her thick lips and challenged the company president with her sharpest glower, though Hyunwoo only quirked an eyebrow. “It’s old since I started working for a bunch of baby-faced entrepreneurs. I could have rocked all your cradles, you know.”

“Settle down and blow out your candle,” admonished Kihyun.

Someone flicked off the lights in the breakroom before a chorus of seven voices broke into a spirited round of “Happy Birthday,” with Minhyuk belting his usual over-the-top flourish of “AND MANY MORE!” at the end. Jordana puffed out the candle, and the light came back on along with a round of cheers.

“Did you make a wish?” asked Minhyuk.

“Yeah, for seven new coworkers who don’t make me celebrate my birthday anymore,” she retorted.

Jooheon nudged her shoulder with his, and when she looked over, she found that obnoxiously handsome tiger’s grin bracketed by two of the deepest dimples known to man. “You told us your wish. Now, it won’t come true, and you’re stuck with us.”

“Damnit,” she grumbled.

“Oh, eat your cupcake and be grateful,” Kihyun said as he dug into his own.

Changkyun tugged out a chair and kicked back, his spindly legs stretched out to showcase the huge holes in his designer ripped jeans and his toned thighs tensing beneath them. It might have stuck out as unprofessional if Jooheon wasn’t also sporting a similar pair while Hoseok flaunted his hard-earned upper body in a far-too-revealing compression crew and Minhyuk and Hyungwon cozied up in hoodies. The only professionally dressed people in the office on any given day were the president and vice president. Hyunwoo and Kihyun sported their usual button-ups and slacks, and if Jordana hadn’t been working for them for the last five years, looking around, she would have thought this was some kind of survey group picked at random off the street.

Of course, if she had started a gaming company with friends, too, she supposed she would have had the guts to wear her favorite hoody to work. As it was, she’d been a necessary hire, so she was dressed in business casual as usual since that’s what the bosses wore. It felt too weird to dress down even if she’d been told a hundred times she was allowed.

“Are you eating your cupcake, Hyungwon, or are you inhaling it?” scolded Kihyun as he watched the tallest employee open his mouth like some deep-sea monster and shove the dessert in with a few desperate gasps for air around it.

Through a mouth full of crumbs, Hyungwon garbled, “The day I let Yoo Kihyun tell me how to eat is the day I die. You want a knife and fork for yours, Grandma?”

Jordana couldn’t hide her smile at the pair of frenemies’ latest round of bickering while Jooheon leaned close to her ear. “Enjoying yourself a little now?”

She did her best to shrug indifferently while she peeled off her cupcake wrapper. “The chocolate helps.”

“Are you really serious about this whole anti-birthday agenda?” asked Hoseok.

Jordana picked the wrong time to look at him. The raven-haired beast of a man was sucking his fingertips clean of frosting one-by-one, and it wasn’t an easy image to ignore. She forced her attention back to her birthday treat instead and said, “You’re just worried about getting one less cake out of a year.”

“Hey, you know I like cake, but I like you more, and we all really love celebrating the girl who takes care of all of us all year long.”

“It’s true,” echoed Minhyuk from behind her. Jordana jumped, not realizing he had snuck up beside her other ear.

She sighed and abandoned her cupcake to slouch in her chair. “Listen, guys, I appreciate you always going out of your way to do such nice things for me, seriously, but I don’t know—I’m kind of over it. Guess I’m just going through some shit—stuff. Sorry, boss.”

Even though they were all off the clock at this point in the evening, Jordana targeted her apology for the curse word to Hyunwoo, but the big man was as unflappable as ever. He polished off the last of his dessert and brushed his hands over the meat of his thighs, and she returned her attention to rolling and unrolling her cupcake wrapper.

“At least you guys didn’t go overboard like last year,” she said. Hyungwon and Hoseok exchanged looks, and Jordana groaned. “What did you do?”

Hoseok offered a sheepish grin and nodded toward the corridor. “It’s better if you just see it.”

Everyone filed into the hallway, with Kihyun taking point and Hyunwoo bringing up the rear as usual, as the vice president led them into the conference room. On any normal day, it was a cool, austere space featuring an oversized table with a dozen high-end gaming chairs, three huge screens, and a water cooler, but today wasn’t a normal day.

Tacky cardboard birthday banners drooped across the ceiling, and someone (she suspected Hoseok) had hung copious amounts of metallic fringe around the entire perimeter of the room. Someone else (Jooheon, she thought) had put a party hat on the water cooler. Meanwhile, each screen cycled through picture after picture of Jordana’s toothy smile, umber skin, and sloppy brown bun almost always pierced with a pen.

Most of the shots had at least one or two of the boys in it, too, although the middle screen was a solo headshot of hers, up close and spontaneous, just like Minhyuk liked to take them. She vaguely remembered him surprising her in the parking lot one day to take the shot. Her smile was lopsided, her eyes were pinched high in laughter, and her hair flung loose mid-spin.

“Oh my god, you guys didn’t,” Jordana groaned.

“Oh, yes, we did,” sing-songed Minhyuk as he jiggled several bottles of beer in his hand before adding them to the line of liquor on the table. “So, enjoy it and get plastered with us. Uber’s on us.”

He shoved a bottle of her favorite IPA into her face, and Jordana had no choice but to take a deep swig. Before she knew it, she’d downed the bottle as the boys stared wide-eyed at her.

“Seriously, what’s up with you and this birthday?” Changkyun probed as he took a seat and crossed his arms. His trademark intense stare penetrated even Jordana’s thick hide, and she relented.

She sank onto the edge of the table and cracked open another beer as uncomfortable emotions swirled with the booze in her stomach. “Ugh, you’re making a bigger deal of this than it is. I mean, you guys know I broke up with Carlos last year, so that wasn’t awesome…”

“What are you talking about!” interjected Jooheon. “He was the worst.”

“The actual worst,” echoed Hyungwon.

“Yeah, well, he was somebody. For five years, he was somebody, and for at least four of those years, I figured he’d be the somebody. And since then, nobody, not even a bite. I can’t even get a blind date—blind! I mean, I’m not ugly, right? I don’t think I am at least? So it’s got to be how old I’m getting. Unless maybe I am ugly…”

Hoseok was at her side in a second, his body glued along hers as his arm wrapped around her shoulder and cemented her even tighter to him. His strength was astounding, his muscles warm but his eyes stern. “Don’t ever say things like that. Ever.”

“O-okay.”

She hadn’t been fishing for compliments, more like confessing her very real feelings, but the look he was giving her bordered on outraged, and even Jordana’s sassy side cowered a little. But Hoseok’s fury disappeared with her concession, and his broad, beaming smile turned his face boyish again. “Good. Glad you agree. And as for all those losers, they’re just too afraid of a woman like you.”

Jordana laughed, feeling less and less anxious with his arm around her shoulder, like he was her weighted blanket back at home. “Oh, so they’re afraid?”

“Terrified.”

“Because I have Resting Bitch Face?”

“Because you can break a man’s heart with one word.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Vegetarian?”

“No,” Hoseok said simply, ignoring her joke. “The word is ‘no.’ You’re out of every guy’s league, and they know it.”

Jordana turned to scoff at him, but Hoseok was looking at her so sincerely that her rebuttal fell dead on her lips. When she finally remembered where she was, she glanced around the room, but every other man was just as silent and sincere as his friend. She cleared her throat and reached for another beer, relishing the way the cap resounded like a gunshot and startled her coworkers out of their weird intensity.

“Hey, look, guys, I’m not looking for pity. I just want everyone to forget my birthday entirely. Cool?”

Hyungwon frowned and crossed his arms. “No, not cool. Nobody here pities you, YoYo. That’s not what this is.”

“Oh, so it’s an intervention?” she retorted around the mouth of her beer bottle, realizing the irony too late.

Her lanky coworker threw his hands in the air and turned to his nearest neighbor, Changkyun. “She doesn’t get it.”

“None of us are dating either,” Changkyun reminded her.

“That’s not because you couldn’t. That’s because you’re too wrapped up in your work,” she replied.

“Not Minhyuk,” laughed Hyungwon.

“No, he’s too wrapped up in himself,” Jordana teased.

“Hey!” the caramel-haired man shouted.

“What about me?” asked Kihyun. “What’s my excuse?”

Jordana brought a finger to her lips and considered for a moment. “You don’t trust anybody.”

“That’s not true,” the vice president protested. “You think I would give these guys an equal share in the company if I didn’t trust them?”

“No, but you came up with everybody here. I’ve known you for years, and you still won’t let me proofread your pitches even though my degree’s in public relations.”

Kihyun looked wounded, his strong cheeks softened by downturned eyes. “That’s not because I don’t trust you.”

Jordana hummed. “You’re right. That’s the wrong word here. I guess it’s that you like all the control.”

“You’re making me out to be one of those BDSM guys.”

She quirked an eyebrow and hid behind the lip of her bottle. “I always assumed you were.”

Minhyuk and Hyungwon laughed, but Kihyun stared back at her blankly.

When the vice president’s gaze got too intense, Jordana cleared her throat. “Look, guys, let’s just forget the whole thing, okay? This is all really great, and you guys are great, so let’s just hang out. Deal?”

Jooheon raised one charismatic eyebrow. “Beer’s already hitting you, isn’t it?”

“Shut up, Lee,” she volleyed back, and they both laughed.

Jordana could hold her liquor like a champ—she’d had enough practice, especially the last several months post-Carlos—but there was no denying that warm buzz radiating from her stomach and tickling her fingers and toes. With the help of seven handsome faces and teasing smiles, the alcohol had singed off the edges of creeping doom, and once again, she was feeling more like herself.

Feeling cocky, she said, “So, where’s my present?”

“What makes you think you get one?” challenged Kihyun.

“Other than the fact that you guys give me one every year? Well, for starters, Hoseok just said I take care of you all year long. I think that warrants something.”

“Way to go, Buffbunny,” clucked Hyungwon, using Hoseok’s gamer handle. “Now we have to get her something.”

Hoseok pretended to pout as Jooheon and Minhyuk shoved him out the door, the dimpled blonde shouting after him, “Steal something from the boss’s office. She’ll never know.”

Jooheon turned and shot a wink to Minhyuk, who didn’t even try to hide his sly fox smile.

“You guys are so extra,” Jordana said. Her legs swung freely over the edge of the conference table. It was safe to say she was leaning into her buzz, and she was grateful she wasn’t doing it alone again on her crappy couch.

While Hyungwon livened up the party with a little music, Hoseok trotted back in, hiding his face behind an opened Amazon box. He peeked around the edge, his eyes pinched up into little slashes, before he thrust it into her hands and grinned at the others from ear to ear.

Jordana glanced at the box with a smirk. Another year, another present with no wrapping paper except the bubble wrap it came in. Boys, she thought with a laugh.

It only took a second to unspool the wrapping and find a stapler—a dented, chipped, circa 1992 stapler. Confused, she looked around the sea of eager faces and said, “Wow, you really did go shopping in Hyunwoo’s office.”

“You don't know that,” teased Minhyuk.

“Uh, yeah, I do. You don't forget a hunk of junk like this.”

“Hey,” the president objected, “that's a perfectly functional hunk of junk.”

“I thought we agreed on the tape dispenser?” Kihyun snapped.

Hoseok shrugged. “She doesn't need a tape dispenser. She said she needs a stapler.”

“That’s sweet,” Jordana said with a hand on the shoulder of the hard-bodied but soft-hearted gamer, “but not this World War I cannon that thunders next to my office all day.”

“You blew our cover,” scolded Jooheon.

“And the tape dispenser would have been funnier how?” Hoseok said.

“It ruined the joke!” Kihyun exclaimed. “Everybody knows that stupid stapler.”

“I repeat: hey,” Shownu grumbled in his ever-hushed voice.

“I didn't ruin anything,” persisted Hoseok. “I enhanced it while simultaneously showing I listen to YoYo.”

“Lay off Hoseok,” Hyungwon said. “It's even funnier now because everyone hates Hyunwoo’s stapler.”

The president’s thick lips pursed while the buff bunny slung his arm around his tall friend’s shoulder. “Thanks, man.”

Changkyun rolled his eyes. “If you don't finish laying it on so thick, you're going to miss it.”

“I resent—” started Hoseok before he was cut off by a high-pitched squeal.

Everyone turned to the girl in the center of the room who was now holding a bouquet of long-stemmed orchids in one hand and a piece of paper in the other. Her brown eyes were wide and her mouth was hanging open.

“You guys,” Jordana said quietly, “this is a ticket to IZA.”

Hyunwoo shook his head. “Actually, those are two tickets to IZA.”

“One for you and one for your sister,” interjected Minhyuk.

“You said you wanted to take her because that’s her favorite singer, right?” Jooheon echoed, his elbow propped on Minhyuk’s shoulder.

“But—but they only had floor seats left,” Jordana insisted, her brain barely comprehending the paper in her hand. Then her eyebrows ticked up a few notches. “These are floor seats! Guys, they're so expensive!”

“Not if we all chipped in,” Hoseok said with another one of his thousand-watt grins.

Kihyun, the young flexer of the office, added, “And we did, especially your very generous bosses.”

Jordana looked at her friends still just as shocked as when she’d found the flowers and paper hidden behind her on the table, no doubt slipped there when Hoseok and his squabbling coworkers had commanded all her attention. “Porra! I can’t believe I’ll be able to take Adriana to see her. You don’t even know—this is going to land me Sister-of-the-Year.”

“The way it’s landed us Coworkers-of-the-Year?” suggested Hyungwon.

“Coworkers-of-the-Century, honestly. I don’t even know what to say. Seriously, I’m— Just… thanks for making this birthday worth celebrating, guys. I mean it. This is awesome. You’re awesome. I can’t believe I get to work here with people that care this much about me.”

“We definitely do,” Hyunwoo reinforced, and Jordana bit her lip.

The boys looked at one another with proud smiles, exchanging pats on the back and fist bumps, and it shook some sense back into her.

“Don’t go getting big heads now. You’ve just set a bar for the rest of the time I work here. Good luck topping this.” Hands sagged and grins drooped before she belted out a long laugh. “Just teasing. Maybe.”

Changkyun jumped up on the table beside her, swinging his legs in sync with hers. He toyed with one of the orchid stems, brushing the velvety petals along her jaw. “What about the flowers, huh? They’re nice, right?”

Jordana laughed. “Gorgeous. Did you pick them?”

“I did, after a lot of research.”

“Hey!” barked Jooheon. “I helped, too.”

“Not that much. You just picked them up.”

Jooheon sported his best scowl before Minhyuk swooped in to rub his back.

Jordana turned her attention back to the vibrant pink petals and thumbed a few of them idly. She bumped Changkyun’s shoulder with hers and said, “Okay, let’s test how much research you’ve done. Why orchids?”

“Because they would remind you of home?”

“You sound like you’re second-guessing yourself, Kyun…” she teased.

“I’m not,” he declared though he stole a glance at Jooheon.

The dimpled man put his hands on his hips and shook his head at his friend. “Don’t look at me. You already took all the credit. You’re on your own.”

The youngest of her coworkers looked betrayed, but Jordana was in too good a mood now to let him suffer long. “You’re right, it’s Brazil’s national flower, not quite like these beauties but close. So, in all this very extensive research you did all by yourself, did you come across what they symbolize?”

“Friendship?”

Jordana looked down at the magenta blooms bursting forth like butterflies ready to take flight, and somehow, she felt them fluttering in her stomach. She kept her eyes trained on the petals so the guys couldn’t catch the rush of color at her cheeks. “My mother always said each flower represents a kiss. See the lips here?”

With the tip of her finger, she traced the long, dark mouth of the bloom, and she could feel every pair of eyes on her. Her finger felt heavy, and she dropped it to her lap along with the bouquet.

“So,” Jordana said, clearing her throat, “maybe next year get your coworker something a little less…”

What? Expensive? Colorful?

No. Romantic, she realized. These flowers were too romantic. They were on all the girls’ wrists when dances and date nights came. They were in wedding bouquets and tucked behind ears as ladies sashayed in tight dresses through the streets at Carnival.

“A little more,” she corrected, “coworker-y.”

“You don’t like them?” asked Changkyun. She thought he’d sound disappointed or even annoyed, but instead, he sounded amused.

“Of course, I like them! I love them. That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Ah,” Kihyun said, his cheeks high and smug, “she’s saying she doesn’t want us to give her kisses.”

Flustered, Jordana hid behind the bouquet as she pretended to inspect it. “You’re so annoying, Ki.”

“Is that any way to talk to the Boss-of-the-Century?”

She sighed. “I knew that was going to come back to bite me.”

Minhyuk, however, was grinning like a Cheshire cat. There was a reason his gamer handle was DemonicJester, and just from the way his eyes narrowed, Jordana knew he was coming out to play. His tongue poked the corner of his lips as he appraised her before he said, “So is something else you said earlier...”

The liquid courage bubbling in her stomach brought the challenge to her gaze as the pair squared off. “Yeah? What’s that?”

“When you were bragging how well you knew all of us.”

“About the girlfriend thing? That wasn’t bragging, that was just observation. I spend half my life with you guys. I think I’ve picked up a few things over the years. I know who’s coming down the hall by footsteps alone, I know everybody’s laugh, and I know all your poker tells, especially yours, Min.” Jordana mimicked his head-thrown-back laugh, which she’d seen dozens of times in games he knew he’d win.

“She knows a lot, doesn’t she?” Kihyun said, but there was something else in his voice—something she couldn’t place—a textured darkness that she wasn’t afraid of but enticed by.

The tissue paper crinkled loudly as she clutched her flowers a little tighter.

Minhyuk grinned, his eyes shifting from coworker to coworker. His confidence was as endearing as it was annoying. “Let’s liven up this party, what do you say? Want to put YoYo’s knowledge to the test, guys?”

“What does that mean?” asked Hoseok.

“Yeah, what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Jordana demanded.

Minhyuk smiled. “Seems to me you think you’ve got us all figured out.”

Kihyun had been staring hard at her, but now those sharp black eyes narrowed as his chin tipped up. “It does seem that way.”

She was suddenly keenly aware of how close Changkyun was next to her, how broad Hoseok’s shoulders were, and how imposing Hyunwoo looked with his arms crossed over his chest. “Look, guys, I didn’t mean to offend anyone—”

But Minhyuk just cocked his head to the side like a curious puppy. “Now, who said anything about that? I’m just talking about a game. Those are meant to be fun, aren’t they? And didn’t you just get done complaining about how you don’t have any fun anymore?”

“Excuse me if I don’t trust you, Min. Maybe I know that part of you too well.”

The room erupted into a symphony of bark-laughs and cackles, but Minhyuk weathered them all as though he hadn’t heard any of them in the first place. He was too preoccupied with his mischievous showdown with Jordana.

“You’ve got your scheming face on,” she warned.

“This is my game face. So, what do you say? Wanna play with me?”

“Ugh, you’re such a perv.”

Minhyuk just waggled his eyebrows.

Jordana looked to the others for help, but there was no clear consensus in the room. Some looked confused, others as wary as she was, and still others were simply amused. Then there was Hyunwoo, who waited stock still on the edge of the group with a perfectly blank expression. She let out a very long sigh and said, “What’s the game?”

Minhyuk’s warm hair tossed as he bounded between her swinging legs and clapped his hands. He was well inside her personal bubble, but that was nothing new with Minhyuk as everyone in the office could attest. Almost every lunch ended with him feeding someone, and most of the time, when they were gaming, he was thigh-to-thigh with someone on a couch or even wedged in the same chair. It was as much a part of who he was as it was a disarming tactic, and it always fucking worked, just like it was working now.

“All right, picture this,” he said, his hands flailing dramatically, “you claim to know us all by sight, sound, and smell, but—and stick with me on this—what about taste and touch?”

Jordana raised one finely sculpted eyebrow. “What the hell does that mean?”

“Min—” Hyungwon started with this hand on his eager friend’s shoulder, but Minhyuk shook him off without breaking eye contact with Jordana for a second.

“A kiss contest!” the troublemaker declared with his hand in the air. “You close your eyes, and we each give you a kiss, and you see if you can guess who’s who. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?”

Jordana’s stomach dropped into her feet.

“Sounds like a sexual harassment lawsuit,” Kihyun deadpanned.

But Minhyuk blew a raspberry and shook his head. “Nah! Not if YoYo agrees. It’s all in the name of birthday fun and bragging rights. Besides, it’s not like any of you are going to turn down this chance.”

Minhyuk received a few death glares from Kihyun and Jooheon, but none of it shook his unbridled enthusiasm.

“How much have you had to drink, you chucklehead?” grumbled Changkyun. His arms were tightly stacked across his chest, but his sharp eyes were studying Jordana’s profile now, and she could sense them at her lips before they darted away.

“You can’t just obligate all the other guys to something like that,” Jordana spluttered, her wide brown eyes ping-ponging between the rest of her officemates. “They don’t want to pity-kiss their coworker.”

“Sure, we will! We talk all the time about—”

Hyungwon elbowed Hoseok in the ribs, and the big guy yowled like a surprised cat.

“Talk about what?” she demanded, but Jooheon dove across the room to cover Hoseok’s mouth while Minhyuk tipped forward so the only thing she could see was his handsome, candid face.

“It’s hardly a pity-kiss, YoYo. It’s a game, and we all want to play with you.”

Jordana squinted at him, trying to find the jokester under that imp mask he was sporting, but his charm armor was too strong.

When she didn’t answer, Minhyuk pushed gently, “Don’t you want to play with us?”

“I’m—too old to play these kinds of games.”

Now it was Changkyun, leaning close enough that their shoulders touched while his mouth only hovered a few inches from her ear.

“Enough with that,” he admonished, “seriously. If I ever see that asshole Carlos again, I’ll break his nose.”

“Changkyun!” Jordana said, honestly surprised. Even during his most intense Fortnite runs, she’d never seen the youngest gamer so serious.

“What? I’m not the only one. Hoseok and Jooheon are already honing their Fight Club skills, look.”

She glanced over Minhyuk’s shoulder to where the two friends were punching the air and snarling. She wanted to laugh and just appreciate her coworkers for looking out for her, but Jordana felt weirdly self-conscious about the whole thing.

She waved everybody off and said, “Guys, forget Carlos. Forget my age. Forget I brought any of it up. Let’s just go back to hanging out.”

“Done!” said Minhyuk, but he didn’t step back. Instead, he propped an elbow on her knee and stooped awkwardly against it, all without losing his upbeat grin. “Doesn’t change the game at all though. I still want to play and win.”

“Minhyuk, no.”

“Why not?” he whined.

“For starters, you’d lose. You’d all lose. So there’s no point in playing.”

All at once, all eyes were focused solely on her. These men were gamers to their very core, not just profiting off their own games and accessories but running their own Twitch streams and, more importantly, facing off against each other every minute they could. Jordana knew exactly what she was doing in challenging them, but she also knew she was 100% right. She’d recognize these crazy boys anywhere.

Hoseok smiled and glided over to her free side. She could tell from the way his arms were puffed up by his chest that he was flexing while still trying to look casual, and she braced for his bravado. “Sounds to me like you’re just afraid of the competition, YoYo. Easier to say you’ll win before you have.”

“It does sound like that,” Hyungwon agreed.

“Come on, another year older, another year wilder,” Minhyuk egged on.

Jordana rolled her eyes. “Pretty sure that’s ‘wiser,’ not ‘wilder.’”

“Nah, Min’s definitely right,” agreed Jooheon.

“You’re just saying that because you want a kiss.”

Minhyuk turned and pinched his friend’s cheek as he said, “Aw, don’t give Honey a hard time.”

“What about the hard time he’s giving me!” she wailed.

Jooheon had already wriggled out of Minhyuk’s grip to bully Hoseok out of the way so he could sidle up to Jordana’s side and offer her a flirty smile. He smelled like cedar and leather, like a bad boy with an angel’s grin, and she struggled to look unaffected. “Am I giving you a hard time?”

“Shut up,” she grumbled and chugged the last of her beer.

“Then there’s no problem,” Kihyun clarified from across the room. He stepped forward, looking extra impressive with his hands in his suit pants and his eyes expressionless. “If we’re all in agreement, how about one round, and we’ll see just how good you are.”

Jordana’s skin was bristling now, like the room was charged with static electricity. Her legs automatically tightened, but Minhyuk was still standing between them, and he smiled when her thighs gripped his hips. His fingers brushed lightly against her bare knee as he gauged her expression, but when she didn’t cringe or yelp, he gripped it and pushed it open just enough for him to slip out—and just enough to send a sharp pulse to her core.

“Everybody’s in, right?” the handsome troublemaker trumpeted to the room.

The yeses rolled in fast and furious, and it deepened the color at Jordana’s cheeks as well as the skin at her collar. More than anything, she was shocked when both Hyunwoo and Kihyun joined in the chorus, too.

“This… doesn’t feel like a good idea,” she hedged.

“Why not?” Jooheon complained.

“Because we all have to work together tomorrow?”

“So?” said Hyungwon.

“So, things will be different.”

“Will they?” he pushed.

“Won’t they?”

Maybe it was the self-deprecating headspace she'd already been wallowing in, but now Jordana was just annoyed at the fact that none of them seemed to care that they were going to kiss her. They were making it all about the game, yet it made her want to make them care, and that was a whole other recipe for disaster.

Jordana blew a long raspberry and glanced around the rest of the conference room in a hurry for anything to distract from the number of eyes all trained on her. “Fine, fine, but I need a shot first. We got any soju around here?”

Hyunwoo was quick to pour one for her, and she downed it just as fast, blanching as the liquor stung her throat.

“Beer before liquor, never been sicker,” Changkyun tutted beside her.

“That’s just an urban legend,” Kihyun informed. “They’ve done studies to prove—”

“Oh my god!” Hyungwon griped, covering his ears. “You’re ruining the party vibe.”

Kihyun glowered at his friend but stuffed his diatribe while Jordana polished off the last of Changkyun’s beer, too.

It was Jooheon’s turn to glower. “I’m starting to get a little offended that you need all this booze just to kiss us.”

“It’s a couple of beers and a shot. I can handle a lot more than that. Besides, I do my best work tipsy. It’ll make my gloating celebrations that much more elaborate. I’m fixing to bring Carnival-level festivities in here when I embarrass you all.”

“That’s putting the cart before the horse, don’t you think? First, we have to set some rules,” Kihyun reminded.

Hyungwon elbowed Hoseok and grumbled, “Here he goes with rules now. Wake me up in twenty.”

Kihyun shot a glare over his shoulder but only for a second before he returned his full attention to the brown-skinned woman literally on the edge of her seat. Even with music playing, things felt far too quiet.

Her boss took a step closer, just shy of the gap between her knees where Minhyuk had just stood. “For starters, you'll be blindfolded.”

“Is the blindfold really necessary, Ki?” Jordana asked dramatically, hoping it would cover the quaver in her voice.

“Uh, yeah,” answered Hyungwon. “You’re a total cheater, YoYo. You’ll peek.”

“What the hell are you talking about? When have I ever cheated?”

“Seems to me someone forgot the time we played Overwatch, and you threw on an aimbot and massacred everyone here in seconds.”

Jordana pouted. “That was just for fun.”

“So is this,” said the president from across the conference room in a voice far too deep to be safe. Hyunwoo unspooled his tie from his collar and presented the shimmering silk to his vice president.

Jordana couldn’t take her eyes off limp material draped over Kihyun’s elegant fingers. Somehow, she could already feel its cool kiss against her eyelids, and she shivered.

“If you don't like that rule, you definitely won't like this one,” Kihyun continued. “We can touch you, but you can't touch us.”

“Why the hell not?” she demanded.

Changkyun bumped her shoulder, and she turned to him just in time to catch that cute, close-lipped smile he always did when he was holding something back. Before she had a chance to wonder what it could be, he said, “Because then it won't be the kiss you focus on. You know what each of us is wearing, so you'll know instantly who’s who.”

“I guess that’s fair. Any more rules you tyrants want to impose on the birthday girl?”

Hoseok laughed. “A few minutes ago, she didn’t want anybody saying the word ‘birthday’, and now she wants special consideration. How cute is that?”

“Last rule,” said Kihyun. “One kiss, one guess. You get it wrong—”

“Oh, you don’t need to worry about that,” Jordana said with a smug smile, and someone in the room made a low growl. She couldn’t tell who, but it set her nerves on edge. Suddenly, her smugness evaporated.

“All the same,” the vice president continued, “if you guess wrong, you have to be that guy’s office assistant exclusively for a week until you get to know him backwards and forwards.”

It didn’t seem terribly unreasonable, though something about it smacked of duplicity. Still, Jordana agreed and Kihyun presented the tie. Hoseok was quick to snatch it from the vice president’s hands despite a very noisy gripe, and the next thing she knew, silk encircled her eyes as Hoseok’s muscles encircled her head to firmly tie the scrap of fabric. Her face was practically buried in his thick neck, and this close to his skin, she could still pick up a whiff almond and warm wood and, under both, a hint of natural masculinity. If she had any less willpower, she might have licked that warm juncture at his shoulder.

Before Hoseok pulled back, his thumb coasted over her cheekbone, and in the new darkness, it blazed bright like fireworks. Jordana couldn’t help it, she exhaled long and low. She heard several rumbles and whispers, but no one said anything to her.

With nothing else to focus on and no one left beside her, the room felt ten degrees colder. The feeling of being watched itched all over her skin, and she stowed her arms tightly across her chest to feel a little more comfortable. Jordana cleared her throat and said, “I can’t win if you don’t play the game, guys.”

“Somebody’s impatient,” Minhyuk sing-songed. “This is almost more fun than the game.”

“I seriously doubt that,” Changkyun said darkly, and a fresh wave of goosebumps blistered across her arms and legs.

“Would somebody just kiss me already?” she barked.

Hoseok laughed. “So damned impatient!”

“All right, everybody, let’s give the lady what she wants,” Kihyun said. “Sudden death kai-bai-bo, winner goes first. No hints, no cheers, no arguing. In fact, I don’t want to hear any commentary at all, Minhyuk.”

“Hey! I can handle myself! This was my great idea anyway. You can all thank me later.”

“Already he can’t shut up,” chided Changkyun before Hyunwoo cleared his throat, and everyone listened again.

There was some shuffling, some light slaps or punches—Jordana couldn’t tell which—and then the muffled sounds of hands flying. Only a minute later, a pair of lips fluttered against hers so fast, her head barely had time to process what had happened.

“I can't tell anything from just a peck!” she shouted.

“I know,” laughed Minhyuk from directly in front of her. “That was just for me. Now, let's make room for the first player.”

“Spread your legs wider now,” Kihyun commanded, and an intense, unexpected tingle surged through her body, settling insistently in her most secret recess.

Jordana’s heart was hammering in her chest so loudly she thought the others might hear it over the soft R&B that now trickled through the stereo (no doubt Changkyun’s playlist now). She scooted to the edge of the table and parted her legs a bit further, blindly fumbling with her skirt to tuck it chastely over the waves of heat radiating from between them.

“You remember my rules, right?” the vice president continued. “You can lean back on your hands or tuck them under your thighs, but if you touch, you’re disqualified from that round, and the consequence still stands.”

Her brow furrowed under Hyunwoo’s tie. “What if I lose my balance?”

“We’ll take care of you, YoYo,” Jooheon promised.

She bit her lip, but someone’s thumb pried it free before soothing the plumped skin.

“Ready?” Hyunwoo asked.

Jordana summoned the last of her bravado and said, “Bring it.”

Fabric brushed between her exposed knees as the first player stepped into their shelter. Her breath ramped up immediately, her rabbit heart thrashing in her ribcage. She thought he would just dive in quick as Minhyuk’s kiss had, but instead, she languished in a pregnant pause filled only by fabric ruffling and short, steady breaths.

Two hands framed the outside of her thighs, applying just enough pressure to remind her that there was a man looming over her. Jordana braced on her wrists as she fought the urge to grab the guy and slam her against her mouth so she could get this over with. Whoever it was, he was taking his sweet time.

At last, she felt the delicious first glaze of freshly balmed lips against her own. They were luscious and broad, matching her full lips with plenty to spare. The pressure was gentle at first, as though ready to recoil at her slightest hesitance, but Jordana had none. She needed him to kiss her harder—she wanted him to. When she didn’t pull away, he moved in, his wrists pressing more firmly against her thighs as he pushed in against her lips. A moment later, they parted, and she felt the tentative gloss of his tongue against the tip of hers.

This, too, was slow and deliberate, chased with a malty tinge of beer and a hint of sweetness from a cupcake. There was something intoxicating about the darkness she now found herself encased in, which gave her the ability to taste and feel this man all the more acutely. She tried to imagine the face on the other side of the blindfold, but it was hard to keep her focus when his tongue was back and deeper in her mouth now, caressing hers as one of his hands now caressed her cheek.

Jordana couldn’t help it: when his mouth pulled back for a breath, hers followed, her tongue sinking between his lips and drawing a surprised sigh from him.

“Hyungwon,” she murmured, and a raucous chorus of groans shattered the moment.

“You idiot!” shouted Kihyun. “You gave it away.”

Hyungwon pulled back much to Jordana’s dismay and left her cold and open-mouthed on the table as he snapped back at his friend, “It’s not as easy as you think, Tin Man. She put her tongue in my mouth!”

A few surprised “oh’s” bubbled around the room, and there was something about the way they said them that made Jordana’s skin charge.

“YoYo’s playing dirty,” Jooheon remarked, and she could hear the hook of his grin.

“I am not! You guys gave me a challenge. I’m just going along with it,” she said. “Nobody said I couldn’t kiss back.”

“She’s right,” Hyunwoo agreed.

“Thanks, boss. And anyway, I would have known that was Hyungwon even if he didn’t make a noise.”

Jordana heard the tall man’s amused laugh before he said, “Yeah?”

“Well, yeah.” She could feel her cheeks blazing, and she wished she had a way to hide them. “You’ve got those great lips and skinny hips, and you kiss lazy, too.”

The boys erupted into laughter, and she could hear the beanpole being jostled around as his friends roughed him up to a chorus of “Lazy! Lazy!”

“Hey, that’s not a bad thing!” Jordana added. “I liked it. It’s really sensual. Made me feel, um, savored…”

Suddenly, it was dead silent. Before she had time to regret her own words, hands were on her again, but this time, instead of chaste, one slid around the small of her back and the other around her neck as another man settled between her legs. He lifted her up as his mouth came down in a clash of teeth and lips. There was no hesitation as he slid his tongue into her mouth and tangled with hers.

His breaths were fast, and hers rose to meet them. There was so much quickness and power in his kiss that it startled her. All his heat rushed into her until her body flushed, too. Jordana could feel the heat of desire creeping above her collar even before the hand at the back of her neck crept under the fabric there, his short nails scratching just enough to tease a hint of possession.

Just when Jordana was running out of breath, he switched direction, puffy lips racing over hers before he dove back in. Unlike Hyungwon’s surprise when she’d returned the favor and tasted his mouth, this man seemed to expect it, and she could feel his desperation in the knot of her shirt at her back. He urged her body tighter against his, and she lost her grip on the table below her. To steady herself, she wrapped her legs around his hips, which brought an unexpected hardness pressing at her through her skirt.

He grunted, and she shouted, “Jooheon!”

She wasn’t sure if she was calling out an answer or her own expectation.

Reluctantly, his fingers unraveled from her hair, and the usually-loudmouthed player stepped back on uneven footing dead silent. Instead of a round of jeers for his inappropriate sound effect, the room remained quiet, too.

“A-aren’t you going to ask me how I knew?” Jordana said through heavy breaths. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and waited for an answer, but none came. The silence was so intense, she felt spotlighted by it, and since anything else was better than that, she added, “You’re all about fire, Jooheon, and that was fiery.”

She could still only hear her heaving breaths, and it was starting to get very annoying. She was trussed up like a chicken letting her imagination run absolutely wild, which was only making the increasingly uncomfortable tingles on her lips and between her legs that much more noticeable. She reached for the blindfold as she said, “So, you guys give up already, I take it? Probably for the best.”

Not a second later, the emphatic clack of dress shoes thundered toward her. Jordana felt another body slip between her knees, and she smiled.

“I recognized your footsteps, Ki, sorry,” she admitted, but hands cupped her face all the same as hot breath feathered over her lips.

“I don’t care.”

Kihyun tilted up her chin, so her bottom lip jutted forward, and he captured it immediately, suckling it into his mouth to run his tongue over it. The sensation was like a shockwave, and the tremor continued all the way down Jordana’s body. Her hands shot up to steady herself on the sleeves of his dress shirt only to find he’d rolled them up. Instead, her nails dug into bare skin, and the rumble of her boss’s purr traveled through his mouth and into hers.

He guided her face in every direction he needed to in order to better access the warm recesses of her mouth. There was a dominance to every sweep of his tongue that had her offering herself up to him immediately. Everything he wanted, he took, and this time she did not help herself to him. If he wanted something from her, she knew he’d tell her.

When he was done making his commanding impression, Kihyun pulled back only far enough so she could feel the ghost of his smirk on her mouth.

“If I hadn't given myself away, would you still know it was me?”

“Yes,” she breathed.

His voice was low and perilous. “Tell me how.”

“You're always in control, remember?”

“Hm, you know what? You may be right.”

Kihyun released her face and stepped back, and Jordana struggled to regain her senses. Was it still a game? It didn't feel like they were playing even though she definitely felt like she was losing.

“Next!” Kihyun ordered, shattering her peace, and Jordana tensed.

“Wait!” she said.

Minhyuk laughed. “Giving up so soon?”

“Please. I just—”

“Need a minute?” Kihyun said cockily from somewhere still far too close to her.

“Damn it.” Jordana adjusted herself on the table and grumbled, “Fine, fine, who’s next to lose?”

The music turned up just a touch, more chill RnB rhythms piping through the surround sound and effectively drowning out any footsteps. Unfortunately, when two thumbs curled inside her knees and spread her legs a little wider, it wasn’t loud enough to cover her throaty gasp.

Jordana felt warm breath on her neck, the skirt of a nose along her jaw, and then finally, a kiss at the corner of her mouth. The soft musk of rose and patchouli enveloped the couple as lips languidly dragged over lips. The bitter tang of soju swapped between breaths as the tips of their tongues met. He knew just the right angle to taste her while inviting her to return the favor.

Something about the moment made Jordana want to wrap her arms around his neck and hold him tighter. Where she had been the one holding back in her first kiss with Hyungwon, this time, this man was holding back, and she longed to truly open him up. She tried to push into his mouth, but he wouldn’t allow it and spent his time, instead, focusing on tasting her. Just before the intensity could sweep both of them away, he pulled back and waited, his hands still resting on her knees.

“Hi, Changkyun,” she teased with a smile, and he kissed the other corner of her mouth to even her out.

“Good girl,” was all he said in his luscious baritone before he disappeared. He didn’t ask for her explanation, but she hadn’t expected a man like him to either.

Jordana needed the next contestant to step forward before feelings could overwhelm her. She cracked her neck to loosen herself up and proclaimed, “Four for four. You’re running out of time to stump me, boys.”

A light chuckle passed amongst her coworkers as though there were a joke she wasn’t let in on, and her nerves got the better of her again until the next man stepped forward.

“No touching,” reminded Kihyun, and thank God he did considering the man who came next.

Jordana should have known from his deep inhale what was to come, yet she was unprepared for two strong arms to sweep around her and lift her like a doll up toward a plump and expectant mouth. A moment later, he sat her back on the table even as he held her vice-tight, and she had to sit on her hands to keep from clawing at his back.

He kissed harder than anyone else, almost as though he was trying to steal her breath from her. His lips did most of the work with just tantalizing brushes of his tongue to underscore how fucking good he was at making her feel like a woman. His head pivoted from one side to another to make sure he didn’t miss any of her, but with his body pressed this closely, there was no way he could have.

Their chests crushed together along with their hips, and it was such an easy fit, Jordana forgot this wasn’t her lover but her coworker. Before sense could ruin everything though, his hands wandered up and down her back until a few rogue fingers caught on her shirt hem and slipped along her skin. She gasped and arched into him, offering up whatever else he wanted to explore.

“Hyunwoo…” she mewled, and he stopped, though he didn’t let her go.

“How did you know?” he whispered gruffly against her lips.

Jordana cleared her throat and tried to regain any of her faculties, but they were too wrapped up in the taste of waxy lip balm and the spice of clove and vetiver swirling around her head. “I, um, your smell—it’s that damned Boy Toy cologne you always wear.”

“Toy Boy,” Hyunwoo corrected.

“Oh, um,” Jordana stumbled as utter horror washed over her at her Freudian slip, “yeah. Whatever, that—yeah.”

“That’s the only way you could tell?”

Why did he sound disappointed?

“No, no! Not just that, of course not. You, um—” God, she sounded like a total moron in front of her boss, no less. This was mortifying. “You kiss with a lot of power.”

“I do?” There was that hint of a smile in his voice now, coloring his masculine tone with reassuring warmth.

Jordana nodded. “Yeah.”

“Hm.”

With that, Hyunwoo stepped back. Only a few more boys were left in the wings, and she was already lamenting the end of their game.

She recognized her next coworker just from the way his fingers walked up her shoulder to her neck, but she didn’t feel like spoiling his fun—or hers—so soon. His first two kisses were quick, like a middle-school boy stealing them from a girl he has a crush on, but when he centered himself before her and locked one hand in her curly hair and one in the small of her back, things changed dramatically.

He was surprisingly tender, his forehead bumping against Jordana’s, as his lips meshed with hers. He had a playful rhythm of long sweeps and hints of tongue before he switched again to something hungrier and much more intense. The hand in her hair tightened, raising little hills with the electricity it generated. At the same time, the hand at her back moved to her wrist and twisted it behind her enough to make her gasp, and the moment she did, his tongue flooded her mouth in earnest.

The higher he hitched her arm, the higher Jordana’s breath hitched until a moan came out instead. He stopped for a second, his lips poised at hers until her body felt like it was on fire with embarrassment. But he didn’t leave. He just held her like that, wrist high, head tipped back, mouth open and puffing frantic breaths into him until he returned with one final thrust of his tongue against hers. Two more little pecks sealed his turn, and he released her.

Jordana crumpled into herself and shook her head. “You’re a real son-of-a-bitch, Min.”

“Am I?”

“Yeah, but you knew that.”

He laughed. “I also knew you recognized me right away. Thanks for letting me have my fun anyway.”

“Brat,” she spat. “That’s how I knew it was you, you little tease.”

“You have no idea,” he said darkly.

“You realize I’m going to make everyone here pay for this torture later.”

“We’re counting on it,” challenged Jooheon to a score of chuckles.

“So…” she started, clearing her throat. “Does this mean I won the game?”

“You didn’t guess Hoseok,” Hyungwon reminded.

“Process of elimination means I didn’t have to.”

Hoseok huffed. “That doesn’t seem very fair, does it?”

Jordana unleashed a long laugh. When the muscular juggernaut was jealous, he had the saltiest pout of any of her coworkers. “Fine, bring it in, mystery man.”

She opened her arms and spread her knees a little wider in anticipation of the last man with the thick thighs. Only a second later, lips crashed into hers, and right away, she shoved the player back.

“Get out of here, Min!” she scolded to his gleeful cackle at stealing one more kiss. “Selfish ass!”

“Very,” Minhyuk laughed as he stumbled back toward what sounded like a couple of high-fives from her traitorous coworkers. “Too clever for her good, isn’t she?”

“Don’t give her a bigger head,” Changkyun admonished.

“Bad enough as it is,” agreed Hyungwon.

Jordana scowled. “Would everyone shut up and let Hoseok have his turn? You’re very annoying, and I’m getting tired of this blindfold.”

“Sounds like she’s the one with the control issues, eh, Ki?” Minhyuk whispered, and her scowl deepened.

“Heightened senses, remember? Shut up, Minnie, or you’ll find your office rearranged come tomorrow.”

Jordana beckoned Hoseok forward again, and a second later, there was no doubt she had the right man nestled between her thighs. His muscles were rock hard beneath his sweatpants, and his chest was a slab of granite as it crashed against her.

“I was hoping you didn’t forget about me,” he mumbled against her ear lobe, and she shivered, grating her hard nipples against his pecs.

“Never,” she promised with a snarky grin, but that vanished instantly.

The next thing she knew, three quick kisses christened her lips. She beamed against him and decided she’d had enough rules for one night. She flung her arms around his sturdy neck and brought her lips up to meet his. Even with the blindfold, it was easy to tell he was smiling through the kiss until her tongue ventured forward for a real taste, and gone was the sweet, giddy office prankster.

Hoseok pushed back forcefully, nearly sending them onto the table before he caught them just in time. His arms were so strong around her, squeezing her tighter than he no doubt realized, and Jordana had never felt smaller. His excitement overwhelmed as his mouth moved hungrily and his chest squashed hers.

Hoseok was fond of teasing her with his tongue, running it over her bottom lip or massaging all the soft parts of her he could explore, but he wasn’t sloppy. He was sampling her, and as the tip of that determined pink muscle grazed the sensitive roof of her mouth, Jordana couldn’t help but shudder at the thought of it working other forbidden corners of her body.

At last, Hoseok helped her up and straightened out her shirt and skirt before backing off with a chaste pat on her knee like nothing untoward had happened.

“Aw, look, guys!” shouted Jooheon. “Have you ever seen anything cuter than YoYo blushing?”

She pressed her hands against her cheeks, hoping to cool the lush carnelian there, but they were still burning with the feeling of Hoseok’s skin. Instead, she reached for the tie on the blindfold until a couple of the guys shouted, and her brow furrowed. “What the fuck?”

“Ah, hold on, hold on, hold on!” Jooheon said.

Hyungwon echoed his friend’s outburst. “It’s still your birthday.”

Jordana cocked a brow over the tie. “Yeah, so?”

“So,” Changkyun retorted, “we’ve got to keep the party rolling.”

“Can I at least use the bathroom first?”

“You promise to come back?” said Hoseok.

“Uh, yeah, it’s not like I planned on storming out or anything.”

“Because the kisses were good?” Jooheon pressed.

Jordana wrinkled her nose. This was not a discussion she’d ever expected to have with her coworkers. Sheepishly, she admitted, “Yeah, they were good. So can I go to the bathroom now?”

A few of the guys laughed, and Jordana took off the tie from her eyes. She had expected smirks and shit-eating grins, but she didn’t expect seven pairs of very dark eyes and seven sets of swollen lips, not to mention more than a few unexpectedly tight-looking pants.

Jordana cleared her throat and made a beeline for the bathroom, where she liberally splashed her face and neck and cleaned up the very uncomfortable mess between her legs. There wasn’t much she could do about dampness in her underwear, and she cringed when she pulled them back on. Hopefully, the guys didn’t turn this into a dance party because even the slightest friction was sending electric shocks through her core.

Back in the conference room, the guys were waiting quietly for her return. As Jordana took her seat back on the table, Hyungwon offered her a water, which she gratefully downed. She’d thought things were moving back to normal until she saw how intently each man studied her, and she almost choked.

“What?” she demanded, more than a little annoyed.

Hyunwoo held out his tie again, and Jordana scowled.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” he asked.

“No?”

“You said you wanted to keep the party moving,” reminded Hoseok who grabbed the tie from his friend and brought it back to Jordana’s eyes.

She sighed but let him plunge her back into darkness. “Okay, but why do I still need the blindfold?”

“You’re so good at guessing, let’s experiment some more,” suggested Minhyuk as he always did—the man had the most problematic brain of the group. They could always count on the little devil to up every ante. “There are so many more things you could guess.”

A prickle was slowly making its way down Jordana’s spine to where there was already a fresh set of butterflies deep in her belly.

“Like your colognes?” Jordana asked. “I think I’ve already nailed those. Besides, none of your kisses stumped me, like, even a little, guys. Oh god, wait! Please don’t make me do a taste test of food you’ve cooked. Hyungwon’s might kill me.”

“Hey!” the string bean balked.

Kihyun’s voice hushed any more chuckles at once. “No, beautiful, we’re not trying to kill you. We’re just trying to get everyone a little win here.”

The room was silent except for the unmistakable heavy breaths of everyone in it.

Her throat was bone dry. The nickname was jarring, but the unexpected innuendo had her nearly falling off the edge of the table. Jordana struggled to get her next words out. “What does that mean?”

“You know how competitive all your coworkers are, don’t you?” the vice president continued, his voice as heavy as a teacher’s, and she sat up a little straighter.

“Sure, yeah. I mean, we’re gamers.”

“We are. We don’t like to lose.”

Kihyun’s words were tangled in the birthday pennants fluttering in the air conditioning overhead.

Jordana had to be reading this vibe all wrong. Yeah, they’d all just traded a little spit, but it wasn’t anything she hadn’t done in middle school. Okay, so maybe it was a little more advanced than Spin the Bottle in Fernanda’s basement, but the guys said it was a game, so why should she take it so seriously? Usually, when the boys started getting ultra-competitive in their Overwatch campaigns, humor helped, so she shifted gears.

“Then you better switch games because my record is seven and O.”

She heard a round of chuckles before she heard Kihyun’s silken voice: “I couldn’t agree more.”

“Uh, what—what were you thinking?” asked Jordana with a hard swallow.

“You guessed all our kisses too easily,” Minhyuk interjected. His voice was surprisingly throaty, not at all like the spritely tease he was around the office. Coupled with the husk in Kihyun’s, it was doing all kinds of unfair things to her overwrought mind. “You should guess something else now.”

The breathing was louder now, but Jordana’s heart drowned it all out as blood rushed between her ears and her legs. All she had to do was say no and call an Uber. She could sleep off the booze greasing her lips and the lust greasing her sex, and tomorrow, she could come back to work in sunglasses, a turtleneck, and mom jeans, and they could all forget the fact that her knees were still wide open and her skirt was too high and her nipples were jutting without regard for her demi bra and blouse.

“Okay...”

Did she really just say that! Did she really just further her descent into insanity? Was she this desperate for attention that she would jeopardize her job for this?

Almost as though he could read her mind, Hyunwoo was at her side, his heavy paw on her shoulder. “Jordana, you don’t have to play if you don’t want to. It’s your birthday, and nothing changes here if you don’t want it to.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” she grumbled. “You run the place. You’re all friends, and you’ve been friends forever. Me, you can just get rid of.”

Hyunwoo cleared his throat in that soft, subtle way he always did when he was puzzling over financials or sales statistics but was determined to conquer them. Something about the sound had always thrilled her; it was no different now.

“Take it,” he said quietly to someone, and the next thing Jordana knew, her boss’s lips were smothering hers again, this time with one finger coiling under her chin as his hand grabbed the blindfold knot and finished jerking her head back. All too quickly, the fiery brand of his lips left her mouth singed and aching.

One corner of her blindfold peeled up, and Jordana found the lights dimmed as they often were for gaming sessions. Emerging from darkness into the twilight made it easy to spot the seven slack-jawed but handsome faces all trained on her, but in the end, her attention fell to the glowing beacon in Minhyuk’s hand. He held up her cell phone with the picture he’d just taken.

It looked exactly as it had felt—fierce and overwhelming—with her body limp under her boss as five other faces watched their kiss with narrowed eyes and pressed lips. For all intents and purposes, in the photo, they had total control of their subordinate.

A second later, Minhyuk closed the app, and her lock screen returned.

“No way to delete the incriminating evidence now,” Hyunwoo said with a half-smirk. “Feel free to bring down the whole company if you ever feel like we’re mistreating you.”

“You’re a part of us, Jordana,” Kihyun reassured. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“So, do you still want to play?”

Jordana looked from her two bosses to her five other coworkers behind them. The darkness in their eyes had tempered with sincerity, and there wasn’t a shred of doubt. She trusted them completely. How could she not? She knew everything about them—even their hearts—she’d just proven that. There was no reason to question that now.

Slowly, she nodded. “I do.”

“Okay,” Hyunwoo said with one last wisp of a smile before he pulled his tie back down over her eyes, and already she missed the sight of them. “Not here though.”

“Take care of it, Hoseok,” Kihyun ordered.

Before Jordana’s breath could even catch, she was scooped up, her little yelp puncturing the tension. Strong arms cradled her shoulders and knees like a basket as her arms shot to her muscular taxi’s neck. Just as she knew the men like the back of her hand, so, too, did she know the office. Past four doors on the left and four on the right, they’d come to The Crash Pad, as the boys called it, a rec room made specifically for those late-night coding sessions or intense gaming campaigns. It sported a couple of televisions, of course, and all the usual consoles, but this was ultimately where the guys could zonk out when it was too late to head home. The highlights were the matching twin beds and a pull-out couch.

It was like a library here with just Hoseok and Jordana and their very loud, in-sync breathing. His arms tightened around her as hers responded reflexively around him.

“Want to get a head start on the game?” he asked, and she could hear the smile in his voice.

“I don’t even know what it is yet, Hoseok.”

“I’ll be more than happy to show you the rules.” His thumb stroked the side of her calf, and Jordana wriggled in his grip.

Just then, something dawned on her that made her hands sag from his neck to his chest. “How… How do you all know the rules already when the game hasn’t even been announced?”

“I— You know, maybe it’s best if we wait for the others after all,” Hoseok replied, his lisp more pronounced than usual. He deposited Jordana on the couch and sat beside her.

She didn’t have the benefit of time without sight of a clock, but it felt like it had stretched like putty in the short jaunt down the hall. “Where are the others?”

“Cleaning up, I guess,” he answered. “Don’t worry, none of them can wait much longer either.”

Jordana’s mind was spinning so hard, she was thankful she was already sitting. It felt like there were so many things under the surface, like a whole new world but still shifting and distorted and out of reach.

“HoHo?” she asked, her voice small.

“Yes, YoYo?” he returned, and she swore she could see his grin shining even through the blindfold.

“Is this a good idea?”

He considered for only moment before he pecked her cheek and whispered, “No, it’s the best idea.”

“Hey!” shouted Jooheon from the doorway. “No fair! No head-starts. I’ll tell Kihyun.”

“Tattletale,” Hoseok retorted.

The office’s most competitive employee wheedled in between the pair to loop his arm around Jordana’s shoulder. She nudged Jooheon’s chest and chided, “There’s nothing to tell, Honey, I promise.”

“Knew you should have had a chaperone,” he grumbled anyway as he snuggled her against him.

Jordana sniffed the air and found a fresh scent of mint she didn’t recognize from earlier. She laughed. “Jooheon, did you brush your teeth?”

“What’s the big deal?” he returned, but she’d been flustered enough herself this evening to recognize the same in one of her coworkers.

“Oh nothing, just an observation.”

“Hey, that’s a good idea,” Hoseok said, and she felt him lift from the couch. “Tell them I’ll be just a sec.”

The big guy disappeared, but a moment later, she heard lots of noisy feet replace him. The room felt different now, down to the heaviness of the scent—like warm blankets of musk wrapping around her and dulling her other senses so all she could focus on was a smell as rough and primal as fucking on a cave floor.

“So, um, why are we here?” Jordana asked.

“You’ll be more comfortable here,” Hyunwoo answered.

Posts scraped across the carpet as furniture was moved, and Jordana tried to piece out what they could be moving and why. What exactly did they expect of her?

“Back!” trumpeted Hoseok, and she could smell his fresh breath from her seat. “Oh, that’s smart. Should make things a lot easier.”

“What things? What’s smart?” she begged.

Minhyuk thumbed her puffed bottom lip and chuckled. “Lord, you’re cute when you’re frustrated. So promising.”

“You guys, I’m dying here! Can we please get this game show on the road? Did it ever occur to you I might have plans tonight?”

“Do you?” asked Hyungwon.

“No, but that’s not the point.”

Someone let out a relieved breath.

“That’s not nice, YoYo,” Jooheon scolded, his hand tightening on her shoulder. “You got us all worked up thinking you had a date.”

“That’s not what I was trying to do,” she protested, but it was half-hearted. She was already getting spoiled, and the moment she had felt their attentions fade, her chest had started to pang. She should have been more guarded. It was too easy falling into their charms just as she had their mouths, but this was a game, and she had to start treating it like one.

“Jordana’s right,” Kihyun announced. “We’re burning through the evening. It’s time to put our birthday girl to the real test. Let’s go over the game, shall we?”

Minhyuk let out a small laugh. “I’ve got a better idea.”

“Don’t you always?” groaned Hyungwon.

“Why doesn’t YoYo tell us what she thinks the game is?”

Jordana froze under Jooheon’s arm. It was one thing to be told what they wanted to do with her, but it was another to voice it herself. Her brain was already overreacting in tandem with her libido. If she guessed based off the ache in her sex and she was wrong, she’d be equal parts humiliated and disappointed. It would be easier to hide those things if she’d never been the one to put them on the table.

“I don’t want to, Min,” she protested.

“She doesn’t—”

“Shh, Wonnie,” the charismatic instigator continued. “She knows what it is. She just doesn’t want to say it.”

Jordana bit her bottom lip. Someone grunted. In her sweetest voice, she asked, “Could I at least have a hint?”

“Now who’s not playing fair,” Minhyuk complained. “Who could say no to that face? Go on, Honey, give her a hint.”

Jooheon’s hand moved from her shoulder, the back of his knuckles gliding down her arm to her fingers knotted in her lap. He unspooled one of her hands and placed it on his thigh. Slowly, he slid their hands higher like a planchette on a Ouija board creeping closer and closer toward “yes”. As their hands scudded over the holes in his jeans, Jordana fought the urge to burrow into them and rove about the tender skin there. It was bad enough the way he sucked in gulps of air at every hint of contact. At last, he stopped at the juncture of his legs, leaving her fingertips frozen at the elusive secret she’d already developed a craving for during their kiss.

“What’s your guess, love?” asked Hoseok. His voice was higher, breathier too.

Jordana’s voice matched his identically, but with far more stuttering. “Y-you want me t-to guess the guy based off a part of the body?”

“That’s true,” Minhyuk agreed, “to an extent. But it’s the same part on every guy.”

Her heart was racing. Her mouth was full of cotton.

“His thigh?” she squeaked.

“Honey, she’s being intentionally difficult. If that’s the way she wants to play, then let her go,” Minhyuk said. Jooheon started to balk, but his friend continued, “We all have to be equally committed to the game.”

Reluctantly, Jordana’s seatmate removed his hand from hers, and before she could think, she shouted, “No!”

Kihyun sniffed a laugh, and she heard a clap on a back. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but good work, Minhyuk.”

“What’s your real answer then, YoYo?” pushed the gamemaster.

“Say it or we’ll end this,” Kihyun underscored.

“Your cocks!” Jordana declared and immediately raced to cover her shame. “Minha nossa Senhora! I’m sorry!”

Jooheon pried her hands from her face and held them in his. His voice was gentle, but she could hear the amusement in it. “Why are you sorry? You got it right.”

She couldn’t see, but she jerked her head around the room all the same as though she were looking for confirmation from each and every man. “What?”

“You got it right,” Hyunwoo repeated.

“You guessed who was kissing you,” said Hyungwon.

“Now, let’s see if you can guess who’s fucking you,” finished Changkyun.

#monsta x smut #shownu smut #wonho smut #minhyuk smut #kihyun smut #hyungwon smut #jooheon smut #changkyun smut #oneshot #office smut #coworkers to lovers #sleeping with the whole damn office #flimsy premise #worshipping a woman because she deserves it

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shigarakisbabyy · 2 years

Note

Hello! So I've got a headcanon that I just can't stop thinking about. You're a great writer, do what you want with it: -For your birthday, Aizawa gives you his hair products because you're always touching or complementing his hair.

Gonna be real honest here, I saw this request and had to put my phone down and scream for a little bit. AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE COMPLIMENT IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME

I did a gender neutral reader since you didn’t specify a specific gender, hope that’s okay!!

Warnings: eating

Content: one (1) kiss on the cheek (how scandalous), cupcakes

Today had been an absolute blast. You had celebrated your birthday with a few coworkers and had gotten so many gifts and cupcakes it was hard to fit them in the bag you always carried. You walked with a skip in your step as you headed back to your apartment that you shared with your roommate Aizawa. A grin that was unable to be stopped spread its way onto your face as you messed with your keys in the lock of your door. All you could think about was showing him all the cool things you had gotten and sharing the food you had received with him.

“Sho!” You called, shutting the door behind you, “I’m home!”

You set your bag down next to the kitchen counter and grabbed the cupcakes from it, some of them had been slightly smashed but most of them were okay. You set them on the counter and smiled, happy that so many people had been thinking of you today.

Aizawa walked out and messed with his hair, pulling it back away from his face. His eyes drooped with lethargy and he held a tight grip on the blanket he had wrapped around himself.

“Welcome back, Y/N,” He greeted.

“You sleep good?” You laughed.

“Mhm,” Aizawa answered, “Was work okay?”

“It was great!” You exclaimed, “Look! Cupcakes!”

You held out a cupcake that was frosted with pink icing and rainbow sprinkles out to him. He stares at it for a moment before taking a hand out of his blanket and gently grabbing the cupcake from your hands.

“They’re so good!” You assured.

He took a bite and made a sound of agreement.

“I’m gonna go put my bag in my room and get changed out of my work clothes, be right back,” You said.

You quickly hung your bag up on your doorknob and grabbed a baggy shirt and sweatpants to change into. You walked back out to the kitchen to find Aizawa sitting on the counter with his eyes shut and practically leaning over so much he was about to lay down on the counter.

“Someone’s sleepy,” You teased.

“Mm,” Aizawa grunted, “Didn’t get much sleep.”

“You never do,” You commented.

“I go you something too,” He admitted, “Let me go grab it.”

You smiled in anticipation as he waddled off to his room, shutting the door behind him. You grabbed another cupcake, this one frosted with blue icing that was decorated in sprinkles that looked like dogs, and took a bite out of it.

You hopped up to sit on the counter, your legs swinging off the edge like a child. You bobbed your head side to side with each kick, like you were pretending to listen to music.

“Close your eyes!” Aizawa called from his room.

“Okay!” You laughed, shutting your eyes and covering them with your hands, your smile almost taking up your whole face.

You heard his door creak open and footsteps come towards you, and then you felt a heavy bag get set on your lap.

“Open,” He commanded.

You opened your eyes and stared in shock at what was on your lap.

“Oh my god!” You squealed, “You got me a bag!!”

“Very funny, Y/N,” Aizawa sighed, but he couldn’t hold back a little smile, “Now open it.”

“Alright, Alright,” You laughed, taking the multicolored tissue paper out of the top and setting it neatly on the counter next to you.

You looked into the bag and saw various hair care supplies, such as combs and special oils and soaps.

“You always tell me that my hair is pretty and that you like it,” Aizawa began, clearing his throat, “So I figured I’d buy you some of the stuff I use on it.”

You quickly set the bag next to you and jumped off the counter, wrapping Aizawa in a bear hug. He couldn’t hug you back because he was still wrapped up in his blanket, but he set his head on your shoulder.

“Thank you so much!” You thanked, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

He blushed and turned away, staring at the floor.

“N-no problem,” He replied.

You smiled at him and grabbed another cupcake, shoving it towards him.

“Wanna watch TV and eat too many cupcakes it’s downright unhealthy?” You offered.

“You know it,” He muttered, smiling.

#bnha #mha #aizawa x gender neutral reader #aizawa x male reader #aizawa x fem reader #aizawa x trans reader #aizawa x male #aizawa x fem #aizawa x gender neutral #aizawa x ftm #aizawa x mtf #aizawa x trans #shota aizawa #aizawa

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adonis-koo · 3 years

Text

ghostin him

Summary: Life is nothing more than dull colors for you, your world shattered and laying in the shards of what once was rather than focusing on what is. That is until you meet Kim Namjoon, who is immediately taken by you without realizing you’re a girl with a whole lot of baggage, through tears and many sleepless nights you’re faced with a choice of hanging on with bleeding hands, or accepting what is, and letting go.

‘What did you do?’

‘I ruined everything. I kissed her and she looked at me like I was a ghost.’

Pairing: Namjoon/Reader, Taehyung/reader

Word Count: 26k

Genre: hurt and comfort, angst with a happy ending, whew this one is gonna hurt y’all, bakery!AU, one sided pining, unrequited feelings, some more angst, Jungkook just really loves his Noona, Namjoon is a mess, but so is MC,

Warning: this fic deals with major character death, mourning and suicidal thoughts, please read with caution!

Note: whew, I’m not gonna lie guys this is a pretty heavy fic! I poured a lot of sad feelings into this as just a way to vent out my sadness! I’d also like to mention I am fine lmao! I often get bouts of sadness and all of it went into this so I hope you enjoy! Last but not least a big big big thank you to @tiny-onecx for beta reading this when it was a giant mess and helping me turn it into the bittersweet story it is today! <3

“Baby, come on, wake up,” His deep, dulcet voice quietly called out, a whine escaping you as you flopped onto your stomach, your face buried. Large hands grabbing your waist as his fingertips dragged against the open skin, “C’mon, you missed your alarm clock.” You felt his nose rub against your neck, hair tickling your skin and his body was so warm.

Rolling over you groaned as you glanced at the man who laid beside you, Taehyung’s smile lit up like the sun as he let his fingers gently brush over the skin of your face, “Morning.”

Adoration filled your whole chest, butterflies swarming in your stomach with giddy happiness you couldn’t ever adequately describe as a shy smile tugged on your lips, “Morning.” His fingers dragging down to your lips, thumbing the soft subtle lower lip. His forehead pressing against yours as he smiled once more, “Come on baby, let’s get up.”

“Get up.”

“Y/n, you’re gonna be late for work, what the hell!?”

Your eyes cracked open as you groaned, your roommate Jimin was already dressed and had probably already eaten breakfast as he sighed, frowning at your somewhat confused figure as your head snapped to the other side of the bed. It was like a sucker punch in the gut, seeing the other side of the bed empty. Tears already threatened to spill, the butterflies in your stomach were gone, his deep voice along with it as you realized Taehyung, the man you had woken up with was just a cruel dream, “I’ll be up in a minute.” You muttered, covering your face with your pillow as you choked back a crack in your voice.

You could feel Jimin’s presence stay in the room at the sound of your muffled sob, refusing to show your face from your pillow as you curled up away from him. You didn’t want to talk about it, he knew it, but it still hurt to watch you. Even after a year it was like time had stopped, would it ever heal? Your door quietly shut after a minute as you pressed your face into your pillow to quiet your sobs, hugging it close and praying maybe if you tried hard enough you’d fall back asleep where you’d be with Taehyung again.

It didn’t matter how much sleep you got, your body was permanently lethargic and tired, getting out of bed every day was always a difficult task. Tears stained your face as you grabbed your phone, sniffling as you muttered, “Shit.” You dropped your phone into your lap as you pressed your hands to your face. You were late. Again. Your boss had been understanding the first six months, but now? Not so much.

You got up, hurriedly wiping your face as you sniffled once more, fumbling with your clothes as you changed. Tying up your hair as you grabbed your phone before hurrying out the door, Jimin long gone for work so at the very least he wasn’t going to nag you for being late. It didn’t matter what you did, you tried everything, a new hobby, crafts, drawing, baking, nothing worked. Nothing filled the void in you. You could find Taehyung in everything you did, always.

Straightening yourself out you opened the door to the cafe you worked in. The only thing that made you feel better was working, filling your life with nothing but endless busy work to keep your thoughts off of him. It worked until you got off shift and rinse repeat. That was all your life had become now.

It used to be filled with vivid hues and rose colored glasses with Taehyung, he found beauty in everything and he showered you in all of it, he taught you optimism and love in a way you never thought you could feel it. You had gotten so used to his presence you didn’t even realize how much you radiate happiness when he was with you. Now your life is a bleak endless void; work, cry, sleep.

It’s all the energy you had to do anymore, what was the point in doing anything else? You’d never get to experience life in the beautiful eyes of Taehyung again. You sucked a sharp breath of air in as a voice called out, “Hey! There you are Noona.” Like a blessing from above your coworker called out with a big bunny-like smile.

“Thank’s Jungkook.” He hadn’t even said anything but you couldn’t help but give a weak smile in compensation for him not ratting you out to your boss who luckily wasn’t in today. He knew what happened, but he rarely ever brings it up, perhaps sensing you were still grieving and would prefer to keep your mind off it.

But you knew you couldn’t fool anyone, your smile always seemed sadder these days, Jungkook more than anyone could sense it. Rounding the counter you set your bag down as he asked softly, “Are you good?” That was all he ever asked, an open invitation that if you ever wanted to talk about it he’d be more than happy to listen. Many people in your life were like this, bless all of them.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You mumbled, refusing to look at him as you dug through your things, pretending as if you were looking for something when you genuinely couldn’t look at him, few words could cause you to burst into a faucet of tears and you refused to cry at work.

If you turned around to look up at Jungkook’s stupid, soft, doe like eyes that were always so understanding you’d surely start crying. You didn’t have to look at your coworker to know he was frowning but said no more, just like always.

You didn’t mean to push all of your friends away, but you simply needed time alone, by yourself to get through this. If ever. Some days you couldn’t help but wonder if you’d ever get over it, if you’d ever love someone the way you loved Taehyung again. Pulling the apron on you pushed all of your sad thoughts to the back of your head and got to work.

Work was your happy place, as happy as it could be at least. You could pretend, just for a little while. That everything was okay, “Hey, where did the flour go?” Yoongi came out of the back complaining as he glared at Jungkook, “You closed last night.” His eyes narrowed into daggers at the younger boy who impishly smiled in response,

“Hyung it’s where it always is, didn’t you check the top shelf? It should be there.” Jungkook insisted as he followed Yoongi to the back who was grumbling, said-baker not liking his ingredients misplaced. You felt a small smile tug on your lips as you watched them bicker as the door to the back shut.

Turning away you walked up to the register where a customer had been scanning over the menu before ordering. Fixing coffee, getting a croissant, it was quaint work but something about it made you feel happy. Reminded you of simpler times.

The bell against the door rang as you popped up from your crouched position, setting the plate and coffee on the counter as you called out the customer's name before going back up to the register, carefully watching the man whose eyes met with yours suddenly smack right into a table.

You winced a little as he grunted in pain, rubbing his thigh that hit the hard edge of the table, his face looking oddly red as he rubbed his neck, unable to hold your stare for a even a short period of time as he awkwardly coughed, frantically looking over the menu, “Uh, you can take your time sir.” You raised an eyebrow as you glanced away, why was he making this feel so awkward?

“O-okay, thank you.” He offered a sincere yet somewhat odd smile, your eyes immediately flickering to the pretty dimples that poked into his cheeks before he quickly looked back up at the menu as you turned around to wipe down the counters that had gotten crumbs all over it. Presumably from Jungkook eating yesterday's leftover pastries that didn’t sell.

Casually you glanced at the stranger, sure you had a few new people every day but generally the cafe only had regulars come in or people that stopped in a few times a week. It was a trendy little place and was close to the city’s college campus making it a hot spot for friends to study at.

“You don’t look like you’ve been here before.” You commented causing him to jump, his eyes flicking to your figure before immediately back to the menu.

“I uh- Probably because I haven’t,” He gave an awkward smile as he closed his eyes, without even fully realizing it you felt your lips tug into a tiny smile as he began to relax a little at your observation, “My friend constantly talks about how amazing the pastries here are so I figured I’d come by and try them, just the smell is making my mouth water.”

Letting your arms rest against the counter you hummed, “You should try the coco cream cupcakes if you like chocolate oh! Or the sugar glazed puff pastries if you want something light and low on the sweetness.” Sugar glazed pastries were your favorite, Yoongi would always let you take leftovers home if they didn’t all sell that day. You always loved sharing them with-

“Alright! I’ll have two of the sugar glazed pastries then! Oh, can I get an americano to go with it?” He asked, seemingly confident in your choice of sweets or maybe just a little overwhelmed at how much was crammed onto the small menu.

To be fair Yoongi was always whipping out new recipes and they always tasted delicious, he eventually had to keep some limited edition due to the limited space on the menu and sometimes he’d put up seasonal sweets as well. Your favorite was never pumpkin spice but nutmeg and cider cinnamon rolls, it tasted like october. October would be coming around again soon, it was hard to believe it would be a year soon…

“Of course.” You coughed out, hands fumbling somewhat as you tried to keep your mind from sinking into a place where it would not return if you let it, “Name?”

“U-uh what?” He asked, looking somewhat sheepish and caught off guard as you glanced up from the register, tilting your head at the sight of his flushed face and eyes that kept jumping between you and the menu over ahead as if to appear like he wasn’t staring at you.

“For the order…” You replied somewhat hesitantly, a frown on your face as he suddenly laughed, looking mildly relieved as he rubbed the back of his neck. Still refusing to meet your gaze as if he seemed a little embarrassed.

“O-oh right. Namjoon.” He offered a weak smile as you wrote it down on his cup. Ringing him up you gave him his receipt before working on his americano. Jungkook just then opened the door to the back, the front of his black shirt completely covered in flour and his face looked as if he just sucked on a lemon.

“...Do I wanna ask?” You frowned though you felt your lips threatening to tug into a smile at his exasperated expression, turning to face the register as he mumbled something about accidentally putting the flour in the pantry. Setting the sugar glazed pastry neatly on a plate before placing the plate and drink on the counter calling Namjoon’s name who appeared to be typing very passionately on his phone before glancing up.

“Thank you- ah…” He paused for a moment, his eyes dropping to your shirt before he smiled brightly at you, “Y/n.” Your name tag was a little crooked today, making it stick out from your clothes in an annoying way but you couldn’t be bothered to adjust it.

You gave a small nod as you turned around, glancing at Jungkook who seemed to watch both you and the man- Namjoon like a hawk as you asked, “What?”

“Nothing.” He shrugged but it definitely did not look like nothing, before you could interrogate the younger boy he was already taking a customer's order. Sighing, you shook your head before you began working on the next order.

The day went by quickly as always, the only thing that stuck out was when Namjoon left, waving at you before accidentally smacking against a chair that had been left unpushed by a table, causing him to stumble. You weren’t sure why but something just seemed….

“He likes you.”

Your head whipped back over to Jungkook who was finished the last of cleaning before taking off as if his shift ended an hour earlier than yours. You couldn’t help but scoff as you rolled your eyes.

“I’m being serious Noona!” Jungkook frowned, waving his hand to the door where Namjoon had long since left, “He kept smiling like an idiot while glancing over at you working.” You crossed your arms as you tilted your head.

“You were watching him eat?” You raised a brow, Jungkook’s face flushing somewhat as he glanced away, mumbling a no despite knowing for a fact he definitely was, “He’s just a customer Jungkook.” You dismissed him making a cute pout tug on his lips. You...you couldn’t even think about someone liking you.

It wasn’t possible. Not right now at least. Jungkook sighed, his lips still tugged into a pout and those dumb doe eyes of his always getting the better of you as you scowled looking away, he was so stubborn when he wanted to be, “You might not be ready to move on Noona but that doesn’t mean other people can see that.”

Your jaw clenched and your eyes glared against the counter, refusing to look at him as he sighed, “Bye Noona, see you friday.” You mumbled a goodbye as you sighed, closing your eyes as you rubbed your forehead. Just keep breathing.

“Awh don’t cry baby,” Your cheeks squished and lips peppered against your face as you sniffled, trying your best not to cry at the sad scene in the movie but failing as a small whimper escaped your lips, “You’re so cute.”

You shoved him causing laughter to erupt from his lips as you scowled while sniffling, “Tae shut up!” He gave you a playful nip on the neck as he hauled you into his lap, pressing little kisses against your head as he wrapped his arms around you.

“Don’t worry baby, I’ll always be here to wipe those tears away.” He thumbed a tear against your cheek before his hands suddenly grabbed at your waist, a squeal leaving your lips as he ruthlessly tickled you, giggles escaping you as he pushed you down against the bed, “There’s that pretty smile.” He cooed, that playful boxy grin of his on his face as you squirmed beneath him, tears pricking in your eyes at how hard you were laughing.

Now your eyes were blurring out of sadness, funny how you took those moments for granted when you still had him. Your fingers traced the image of his face on your phone, it was a dumb selfie you had took one morning together when you were half asleep.

What you’d give to be with him again, have him beside you in bed telling you to get off your phone while whining to hold you. You could almost picture him beside you, his hair in a multitude of colors but your favorite was always that stupid blueberry dye he had insisted was indigo.

His hands would be cupping your face, your hand gently grabbing your cheek as you closed your eyes. He’d always thumb your bottom lip before letting his pads delicately trace up your cheekbone. Opening your eyes the bed was still empty, the hand on your face was not his, but your own.

Tears began to pool in your eyes as you rolled onto your back, closing your eyes as you felt a wet tear roll down. Sniffling as you sat up, you couldn’t be here alone tonight. Not surrounded by everything, wearing his old hoodie he’d always give you when you were cold, surrounded by memories of what could have been. What was supposed to be.

Fumbling you stood up, ignoring all the pictures framed of your smiling figure hugging the love of your life. Covering your mouth to keep yourself from sobbing, Jimin would have to be up early tomorrow and you didn’t want him to feel obligated to deal with you. Putting on your shoes you sniffled as you wiped your cheeks.

How late was it? Two in the morning? Maybe even three, you could never truly sleep anymore, not when you weren’t in his arms, not when every moment you breathed the ache filled you. Your feet took you to the only place opened this late; the convenient store. During nights when you didn’t have to work the next day Taehyung loved taking you here when you had a stressful day.

Always rambling about how nothing could cheer you up like a nice hot bowl of ramen. You couldn’t help but smile at the irony as the tears dripped down your cheeks. Wiping them as you entered the store. The cashier looked bored, headphones in and reading a magazine not even acknowledging your presence as you walked to where the ramen was held.

What you didn’t expect to do was ram into what felt like a brick, “Ah!” You stumbled as the man quickly grabbed you by the arms to keep you steady, taking a moment to steady yourself you glanced up only to feel your lips part, “Namjoon?”

“Y/n?” Namjoon hurriedly let you go, looking at you in somewhat disbelief as you flusteredly rubbed your eyes, realizing they were still wet with tears, “Are...are you okay?” He asked somewhat hesitantly as you turned away from him, tears flooding your eyes as your shoulders bobbed.

“Y-yeah.” You sniffled, trying to keep your breathing under control, “I’m okay.” You forced it out as you covered your mouth. Rubbing your eyes once more as you hesitantly took a peep at him, his expression said it all. Truthfully, anyone who had seen you like this always gave you that same expression. Pity. His brows pressed together and lips parted but frowning slightly, “I’m fine!” You forced a smile as another tear trickled down your face, turning away from him again you let out a soft sob as you closed your eyes.

“...Maybe we should get some ramen and sit down?” Namjoon offered while rubbing his neck, “I’m assuming that’s why you’re here?”

....

Glancing down at your cup of steaming warm ramen you sniffled, refusing to look up at the somewhat skittish man who seemed genuinely worried for you.

‘Come on baby, eat up, it’ll make you feel better’

Tears already blurred your eyes again as you closed them, letting out a soft sob, lips trembling as you chopsticks shook, slurping on your noodles as you suppressed your cries. The warm broth making you realize how hungry you were as you swallowed.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Namjoon offered, his expression sad, unsure of how to help you or even if he could, but it seemed he wasn’t leaving anytime soon as he began eating his own noodles.

You stayed silent as tears dripped down your face, clenching your cup with a death grasp as you forced the noodles into your mouth, closing your eyes as you savored them. Unable to even speak as you shook your head. You couldn’t talk about it...it was too soon. Even coming up on a year and it was still too soon.

You felt pathetic living like this, you were crying in front of a stranger while eating cup noodles at a gas station at three in the morning. Where would you be if Taehyung was still here? At home, asleep in his arms. Closing your eyes you let the tears slide down your face as you surrendered to the hurt you had been drowning in the moment your life was turned upside down.

For the first time, you were grateful to have company, even if you didn’t speak a word to Namjoon he made one sided conversation, rambling about how he had stayed up too late studying for an exam and how he was hungry but didn’t have anything at his dorm.

“I’ve been trying to keep my Bonsai tree alive but...gardening is kind of hard to learn,” Namjoon continued rambling on, confessing as he looked a little embarrassed, awkwardly leaning his seat as he mustered a weak smile while looking down at his cup.

His voice was...soothing to listen to admittedly. Namjoon was oddly poetic in the most unexpected way, he told you he loved philosophy and going to the art museum in his free time. He seemed to be able to find anything to talk about even if you weren’t receptive, but oddly enough he didn’t seem bothered by it.

You were curled up, your knees against your chest and hood burying your face as you listened to him intently, your eyes undoubtedly bloodshot but you had stopped crying a good ten minutes ago, sniffling as he sighed, “But from what I’ve read basically if it doesn’t vibe with the dirt it just dies.”

The snort that escape you made his eyes shoot up to look at you, a giggle breaking out on your lips as you stared at your noodles which had become lukewarm, sniffling a little as a tiny smile tugged on your lips, shaking your head as you mumbled, “That’s not exactly how gardening works. You wanna make sure the soil is good quality and damp, dry soil kills plants fast when they transfer pots, you also need to make sure the roots aren’t overgrown when you transfer it to a bigger pot.”

“Oh? I didn’t take you for a plant expert.” Namjoon quipped playfully, that pretty dimpled smile on his lips, obviously happy to get a not just a smile but also a laugh from you.

You glanced at him for a moment, your lips quirking a little as you raised a brow, shaking your head as you smiled back at your cup again, “I consider myself a bit of dirt viber.” You couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped you as Namjoon joined in. After a moment you paused as you exhaled softly, your smile eventually melting off your face as you meekly glanced at your cup.

“I should get home...work in the morning.” You mumbled as you glanced at your phone, it was already 3:30 in the morning and you needed to be up by seven...the latest if you didn’t want to be late again.

Namjoon nodded understandingly, giving you one last smile when you left. Once again alone, yet for the first time in what felt like a long time, your mind lingered on those pretty dimples.

“You look tired Noona.” You glared at Jungkook who was sucking on a lollipop, giving you a bratty smile as he tried to ruffle your hair only to earn a slap in return, a pout forming on his lip, “Did you think about what I asked?”

Bless the little brats heart, Jungkook was genuinely trying to get you out there again but you had become a shell. You didn’t want to go to parties, you didn’t want to go to the park, you didn’t even want to get groceries anymore. You just wanted to lay in bed for a very long time.

“I’m not interested in going out Jungkook.” You glanced at him tiredly, truthfully you had a good excuse, you were running on three hours of sleep and caffeine could only carry you so far for eight hours, rubbing your eyes you sighed as he whined with a groan.

“You always say that!” Jungkook pouted, much to your surprise Yoongi had shown himself out from his cave as he pushed the door open, a fresh platter of sugar glazed pastries on rack as Jungkook huffed, “Just this once, please?”

“Jungkook,” Yoongi warned as he glanced at the younger boy, taking a glance at you as he frowned, setting down the platter he picked up a pastry as he handed it to you.

Glancing down at the fresh baked soft flaky treat you sighed, “Is this what’s my life come too?” Both boys glanced at you as you stared at the pastry, “Pity pastries and being dragged to parties?”

You shoved the sweet treat into your mouth as you chomped down on the soft doughy material, the sweet crisp sugar glaze was crunchy against the soft warm dough of the pastry. “Well hey, if you don’t appreciate my pastries...” Yoongi tried to snatch the half eaten treat from you but you hurriedly shoved it into your mouth as you glared him down.

The door suddenly jingled, catching all of your attention only to see the bright smile of only the most genuine and sweet person you had ever met, much to your surprise a more bashful person was being dragged behind him, “Hey Y/n! Kook, Yoongi!” Hoseok waved happily as he bounced up to the counter, Namjoon rubbing his neck as he gave you a somewhat sheepish smile before hurriedly looking at the menu.

“Lemme get a caramel macchiato with a carrot cake bomb and...oh! Are those fresh sugar glazed pastries…!” Hoseok’s eyes practically sparkled as Yoongi cleared his throat, ears looking somewhat pink.

“Fresh out of the oven…” He mumbled causing Jungkook to snort- as if he was any better around guys or girls for that matter. You found it all amusing as you already began working on the macchiato.

“And Namjoon?” You turned to glance at him as he perked at the sound of his name, he glanced up at the menu as he hummed.

“Could I try the mystic mountain tea? It sounds really good…Oh, with a chocolate stuffed croissant.” Namjoon answered as Jungkook rang them up, Hoseok’s attention was solely on Yoongi and you could tell he was excited by the way his voice became all fluttery. Yoongi rarely ever left the back room where all the baking was done.

“It is,” Your back was turned from Namjoon as you spoke, “It’s made with mint, pine needles and chamomile but we use cane sugar with it to give it a nice sweet flavor. It’s one of my favorites.” You smiled as you turned to face him, setting down the macchiato as you grabbed another cup. Namjoon’s smile seemed automatic, his somewhat slouched figure before straightening and it seemed as if he didn’t even realize it.

“Oh so you like gardening and tea?” He playfully quipped, rolling your eyes you turned to face the brewer again as you felt a smile tug on your lips, “You seem like a woman of many weird talents.”

Pouring the hot water into the cup you set it down as you glanced over your shoulder, “Says the one that’s struggling to keep his Bonsai tree alive.”

“Hey!” Namjoon’s brows pressed together and his dimples popped out making you laugh, “It’s not my fault it’s petty and sensitive to literally everything.” You waved a dismissive hand as you walked to the door to the back, intending to get the jar of tea leaves that somehow made their way back there, “Keep telling yourself that.”

Your figure disappeared as Jungkook tilted his head, a mischievous smile on his lips as he hummed, glancing between the door and Namjoon’s lopsided smile as he commented, “You know, that’s the first I think I’ve seen her smile in the past two months.”

Namjoon glanced at him as he frowned, “What...do you mean?” He asked carefully, his thoughts going back to last night, your eyes bloodshot and tears staining your cheeks, he would be lying if he said he wasn’t curious. But a part of him was worried at the way you seemed so melancholy. He could see it in your eyes with every interaction he had. They always seemed so sad. Namjoon was happy, grateful even though he had gotten a few glimpses at what your smile looked like happy, bright, beautiful even…

Jungkook shrugged, not answering as you reappeared, opening the door with tea leave jar in hand as you scooped the leaves up into a metal steeper, “Alright this should be done in a few minutes.” Jungkook had meanwhile set out their pastries but it seemed like Hoseok had Yoongi trapped, his ears were pink and he looked ready to crawl back into his little hole once more.

“So you’re coming tonight, right Yoongi?” Hoseok flashed a bright charming smile at the brooding male who shifted away from him, “It’ll be a lot of fun, Jungkook is going.” To which Jungkook enthusiastically nodded.

“...I need to go check on my pastry puffs.” Yoongi mumbled, his cheeks bright pink as he hurried back into the kitchen as you snorted, an amused smile tugging on your lips as the doors rocked back and forth.

Hoseok’s lips tugging into a pout as he sighed, “Do you think he hates me?” He shoved the pastry into his mouth as he glanced at his plate depressively.

“Uh no, he’s just a panicked gay,” Jungkook clacked his tongue, “I wouldn’t take it personal. If I can’t get miss broody here to go I’ll make sure he does.” Jungkook wrapped an arm around you as you glared at him, making a cheeky smile tug on his lips.

“You won’t go Y/n?” Hoseok shot you puppy eyes as you sighed. Hoseok was a regular at the cafe and chummy with just about everyone, if he was a sim character you just knew for a fact he’d be a friend to the world trait to a T.

He had been coming here for the past month straight which made you wonder if Hoseok was the one who recommended Namjoon come here.

You shook your head, offering a weak, tired smile as you shrugged, “Not my cup of tea. Speaking of.” You whirled around, pulling the steeper out of the cup before dropping in three sugar cubes before popping on the lid, “Here you go.” You handed it over to Namjoon who looked excited to try, something subtle yet innocent in his expression as he poked his straw through and gave it a sip.

“You were right! No wonder it’s your favorite, it’s delicious.” Namjoon complimented, something about his sincere tone of voice, or maybe it was those stupid dimples of his. Whatever it was your lips tugged into a smile and yet, you felt...bashful? Lowering your gaze a little as you rubbed the back of your neck.

“You should try the lavender dream next time if you really like tea, it’s another good one.” You offered meekly, suddenly feeling a little timid under his gaze as you fumbled with your apron. A sudden well of feelings dowsing you. Insecurity, guilt, shame. Why did you feel so bashful in front of Namjoon...how could you when...When Taehyung…

It felt like a stab in your heart as you inhaled sharply, “I-I should go check stock real quick for pastries.” You mumbled, leaving all three boys dumbfound. Entering the back you grabbed your head as you felt your hands tremble.

Guilt

How could you betray Taehyung like this?

You shouldn’t feel this way.

You don’t deserve to.

Taehyung would’ve never done this to you.

How could you do this to him?

Your heart was beating frantically as your hands trembled as tears began to trickle down your face, “Hey, hey, hey.” Yoongi’s voice felt far away as your breathing became quick, thoughts racing and your hands shaking.

Unworthy

How dare you ever think about replacing Taehyung.

“Yoongi said you had a panic attack.”

You felt like a child being scolded, wrapped in three different blankets and four pillows surrounding you while you sat on the couch in front of Jimin who frowned in disappointment. Of course he was disappointed.

“It wasn’t that bad…” You mumbled, glancing down as you tugged the blanket around you further making Jimin sigh, sitting down next to you as he pulled you close.

“Why do you always lie?” He asked quietly as you curled against him, letting your head rest against his shoulder, the kdrama you both had been watching long forgotten. When you woke up you were home, comfortable and warm. And for a half a second, you thought maybe it was Taehyung who you were laying against. Much to your heartache it was Jimin when you opened your eyes.

You had been expecting this conversation for the past hour, and lo and behold, here you were, “It’s easier.” You mumbled, eyes beginning to blur as you scoffed a bitter smile, “I’m so pathetic, I can’t even face my own feelings. It’s just easier to keep it to myself.”

Jimin’s grip tightened around you and even though you couldn't see him you knew he was frowning, “But that isn’t healthy Y/n, you know it just as well as I do. I worry about you, everyone does. You aren’t a burden to anyone. It hurts watching you go through this alone when we all want is to help.”

And here it was the tears dripping down your cheeks as you shook your head, a weak sob escaping your lips as you mumbled, “If I talk about it, that means I have to accept he’s gone.” You choked out, “And I can’t do that Jimin. I can’t.” You sobbed as you glanced up at him, tears streaming down your face as you pleaded, “I can’t.” Almost a whole year and you were still in denial just as much as you were when you first got the phone call.

You were still just as devastated as you sobbed into his shoulder, his arms wrapped tight around you as he stroked your hair. It seemed like everyone had moved on by now. Taehyung was just a name in the past. A ghost you couldn’t let go of. Jimin was the bridge between you both, he was the reason you had met Taehyung at all, this man was like a brother to him. But even the pain for him had lessened with time.

“I miss him too Y/n. I do. But you’re going to have to let him go,” You rapidly shook your head, your breath becoming uneven as sobs escaped you, tears staining his shirt as he murmured gently, “Taehyung wouldn’t want you to be like this.” Tears couldn’t stop pouring from your eyes, you knew he was right. But you couldn’t let him go, not yet. Just a little longer. Just a little longer.

Taehyung was a ghost and you were desperately clinging to every remnant you had left of him. This man was the love of your life, your soulmate, you needed him. You needed him. How were you supposed to move on with your life when you had to live with the knowledge of what could’ve been. Your body violently trembled as you drown yourself in tears next to Jimin who was always so strong.

The only time you ever saw him lose it was when you bursted into the hallway in the hospital, his eyes were bloodshot and all it took was one exchanged look before a dam was released in his eyes. Maybe he had numbed himself to the pain, it was difficult to tell. Jimin let his nose bury into your hair as he inhaled softly, tenderly stroking your hair in the same way Taehyung always would in these moments.

‘Baby, hey…Shhh…Come on don’t cry. What’s going on?” You shook your head rapidly as you tugged away from Taehyung’s grip, his hands keeping you in place and his face twisted into worry before he cupped your cheeks, “Sweetheart.” He pressed his forehead against yours.

“i-I-It’s stupid…” You whimpered as you closed your eyes, shaking your head as he pressed a kiss against your nose encouragingly, sucking in a harsh breath you sobbed out, “I-I overheard your conversation with Hyuna.”

Taehyung immediately frowned as he sighed softly, his thumbs soothingly rubbing your cheeks as he mumbled, “Baby don’t listen to her. She’s just a jealous old ex.”

“She’s right.” You laughed bitterly as you refused to look at him, “I don’t deserve to be with somebody like you-”

“Hey.” Taehyung’s voice was stern, his hands making you look at him as he pressed his forehead back against yours as he mumbled, “Don’t you ever say that about yourself, okay? I love you Y/n, you’re my girl okay? I would never take anyone else over you.” You closed your eyes as your lips trembled, his lips soothingly pressing against yours as his thumbs stroked your cheekbones.

It was a gentle kiss, your favorite as you complied, chasing his lips as he tried to pull back, making him chuckle against your mouth as he pressed multiple little kisses on your lips before breaking away making you whine with a sniffle, “Come on baby, let’s go get you some noodles, I’m sure it’ll make you feel better.” He gave you a warm smile as he brushed your tears away.

Smiling you giggled a little as you wrapped your arms around his waist, hugging him tight as you mumbled, “What would I ever do without you?”

“Crash and burn probably.” Taehyung joked with that adorable boxy smile of his as you smacked his arm, leaning on your tiptoes as you puckered your lips. Tutting he leaned down pressing one more chaste kiss on your lips.

Crash and burn, you wanted to laugh, he wasn’t wrong. He never was.

Jimin had eventually gotten you to calm down, a cup of hot chocolate in your hands and your legs over his lap, still curled close, but enough away to keep your grip on your warm drink, “How has work been, hm?” Jimin asked, brushing a few strands of hair out of your face as you sighed.

Shrugging a little you sipped the sweet liquid as you mumbled, “Same as always. Met one of Hoseok’s friends recently, he seems...interesting.” You rubbed your forehead, trying not to think about what happened earlier that day.

“Oh? Well it’s good you’re making new friends. Maybe he’ll be good for you.” Jimin smiled, patting your head as you tried to swat it, “Friends always come into your life when you need them the most.”

You didn’t comment on that, choosing to drink your hot chocolate as you glanced at the TV. Maybe he was right, maybe he was wrong. You didn’t know, but you needed to be careful around Namjoon. If anything you knew that as sure as day.

You kept mainly in your thoughts the rest of the evening but Jimin kept you company the whole time, stroking your hair calmly while watching kdramas together. For the first time, you fell asleep easier tonight then you had in the last eight months.

——

You sharply inhaled as you clenched your fists, you were going to do this…! You could do this. You glanced up at the art museum in determination before stepping up the stone stairs towards the entrance doors. It was crowded today and usually you liked shying away from large crowds. But he never cared, always tugging you along with encouragement and laughter, somehow, he always made it so much fun.

Today a Degas exhibit was in town, the one Taehyung had been so excited about seeing, you still vividly remembered his bouncing figure as he shoved the flyer in your face. Your hands trembled as you opened the door. You wanted to see it today, for him. Clutching the Polaroid camera in hand tightly as your fingers traced against its smooth surface. He loved using this damn thing every chance he got.

He’d take at least a dozen photos of all the art pieces, even going as far as to shove the camera in your hands to pose in that dumb artsy way he always did. You felt the distinct smile tug on your lips imaging that brown burette on his head and those dark raven locks. Boxy smile reflecting back at you as he grabbed your hand tugging you along while spouting off random knowledge about whatever you were looking at.

You paused for a second, looking beside you as you felt a well in your throat at the sight of the crowd instead of your someone beside you. Closing your eyes you swallowed thickly as you forced yourself to breathe, trying to compose yourself.

With determination you walked up to the counter, purchasing a ticket to the exhibit before making your way down the massive lobby, artwork displayed on either sides of the walls and your shoes echoing against the smooth glossy floor. The exhibit was packed as expected but you stopped at each painting, letting your eyes draw over the dreamy muted yet colorful painting.

The Dancer On Pointe was the one Taehyung was looking forward to the most. Ignoring the ‘No Pictures’ sign you lifted up the polaroid camera, clicking it as the photo began to develop. Giving the photo a wave you smiled as you glanced at it. This was perfect.

Putting the camera and photo into your bag you made your way through the exhibit.

You looked at every painting intensively, hoping maybe the lense of your old lover would bless your vision and you’d be able to see it in the way he once showed you every single time. But to no avail, paintings were just paint, colors were just pigment. The magic was no longer there. Sighing you turned away from the paintings displayed beautifully, intending to leave before you smacked into someone, “Ah!”

“Oh I’m sorry!” The voice which had become all too familiar grabbed ahold of you to steady you as you glanced up to meet the eyes of Kim Namjoon, round specs between you and his gaze as he pushed them up against his nose, lips parting before twisting into a brilliant smile, “Y/n! Sorry I didn’t see you there!”

“O-oh...Hey.” You stepped away from him awkwardly, your gaze lowering as you tugged on a strand of hair, your heart beating faster but you could hardly tell if it was from anxiety or something else. You had been…you didn’t want to say you had been avoiding Namjoon but, he made you feel weird. In a way you weren’t sure you liked and you couldn’t even fully describe it.

“I didn’t know you liked going to the art museum! It’s nice seeing you here, I’ve missed you at work-” Namjoon suddenly coughed, immediately glancing away as he fumbled, “Not-uh- not miss, miss you but...you know…” He looked awkward and his eyes widened as he refused to look at you as if you’d turn him to stone if he did.

You snorted, unable to keep the smile off your face as you replied lowly, “No I get it, just bad timing,” Or you purposely scrambled into the back leaving Jungkook on his own everytime you caught sight of Namjoon opening the cafe door, “But uh, I’m...not actually a fan of going here.” You shrugged as you glanced down at your feet.

“Oh?” He tilted his head in curiosity, “Then...can I ask why you’re here? Or did you just wanna bump into me?” There was something...light -playful- in Namjoon’s voice as he flashed those dimples at you.

You kept your expression reserved this time making his smile dim a little as you glanced back at the painting, “I just came...for someone who couldn’t…” Your expression casted more gloomy this time as you wrapped your arms around yourself, looking back at Namjoon who seemed somewhat confused at your cryptic words, “I’ve never been a big art person.” You offered a weak smile.

“Well,” Namjoon hummed, giving you a small smile in return, “I hope that someone was able to enjoy your visit for them.” Your heart clenched as you glanced at his shoes, timberlands that blurred in your vision as you gave a bittersweet smile.

“Yeah…” You nodded as you glanced up at Namjoon, a frown immediately on his face at your glassy eyes and sad smile as you nodded, “He did.” You hadn’t even said his name and yet sadness had swept through your whole body like an ache you’d never cure. The longing you had for your soulmate who was gone, who you’d never wake up beside, who would never hold your hand again, who’s smile you’d never see as he pointed out all of his favorite paintings.

But Taehyung would be proud of you, wouldn’t he? Perhaps, if there was an afterlife, he would be an angel that was smiling while looking down upon you.

“Y/n…” You felt your lurch in your throat, as if it felt physically difficult to speak as Namjoon called your name softly, tufts of warm brown hair falling against his eyebrows as he asked with sincerity, “Do you wanna get lunch together? I know a great artisan cafe nearby.”

It was silent between you both for what felt like an eternity in nothing but a short second as you glanced back at the painting, and for a brief moment your eyes caught onto a sight of raven shaggy hair and an oversized brown cardigan. It looked all too familiar and your heart fluttered for just a brief moment until he turned around, not the face of your lover, but a stranger who embraced his girlfriend with a laugh.

Sighing, you turned to face Namjoon as you offered a weak smile, “No thank you, I actually have somewhere I’m supposed to be.” You couldn’t bear to look at him any longer, rather you chose to step aside and brush past him, feeling a melancholy gaze against your back but you refused to turn around.

Not when your heart ached and you felt so tired.

Stopping by the quaint little flowershop you had picked out a small bouquet of tiger lilies, his favorite, he used to love decorating the apartment to the brim with them, walking out of the shop you took a shaky breath of the cool air.

The evening sky was brilliant, Taehyung often remarked it was like God personally painted the sky every evening, always different from the previous day but just as beautiful in it’s own right. Your feet felt heavy on the pavement as you sighed, stopping at the arched gateway, glancing to your right where the sunset was shielded by the silhouettes of willow tree’s that gently swayed in a slow dance with the wind.

Stepping through you weave your way around the grassy corridors of walkways before you were near the middle of the cemetery, pausing in front of the gravestone where wilted flowers laid and dirt from the lawn mower had sputtered up against.

Kneeling down you gently wiped off the stone as your fingers gently traced the name of your lover, “I went to the art museum today,” Your eyes were already blurry as you smiled endearingly at Taehyung’s name printed on the stone, setting down the blossom of tiger lilies as you crossed your legs, “To go see that Degas exhibit we had made plans to see last Autumn. Ha…” You let out a short laugh as tears trickled down your face, “Do you remember when we got the catalogue in the mail? You knocked over your mug of coffee and it stained over half the pages,” You tried to keep your voice steady as a sob escaped you, rubbing your eyes as you gave a broken laugh, “You freaked out about it because it was hard to make out the dates but I told you to calm down and looked up the dates on the website.”

You wiped your face with your arms as you opened your bag up, grabbing the polaroid as more tears immediately dripped down your cheeks, “Here! Don’t you like it?” You asked as you set down the photo with the flowers, smiling despite the tears that welled in your eyes, “I know it’s your favorite, you wouldn’t stop gushing about it when you first saw the exhibit advertisement.”

It was quiet for a moment as you lowered your gaze, a whimper escaping you at the expected silence, tears dripping down your chin and splattering onto your hand as you sobbed, “Please come back.”

Your breath was trembling and desperate as you grabbed the gravestone, pressing your forehead against it as you tried to vividly imagine it was your lovers warm skin as your tears dampened the stone, “Please come back to me Taehyung. Don’t leave me alone. Please.”

Alone, you cried in the cemetery where your lover would permanently stay asleep.

“Just think about it Noona!” Jungkook whined as he grabbed your arm making you sigh as you turned to face him, “It’s a camping trip! We’ll be in nature, maybe you’ll feel better! I get worried about you sometimes.”

That wasn’t fair!

You crossed your arms as you sighed again, looking away from him as you felt guilty, not wanting to worry anyone but, you just needed time to yourself. You didn’t know when it would go away, if ever, but you just wanted to be by yourself. Alone were you could mourn in peace, where your heart could ache and tears could fill your eyes with zero shame.

Everyday that you spent ever since had become more and more painful. The ache became that much harder to deal, “Jungkook...you know I don’t like camping…” You mumbled as you turned away from him, rearranging some of the tea canisters to look busy.

“But you love gardening!” Jungkook whined again, fluttering beside you with those sweet doe eyes of his that always seemed to get you.

“There’ll be a log cabin,” Yoongi added as he appeared from the kitchen, setting down a fresh platter of bakery goods, “So it really isn’t camping, unless you’re gonna be Jungkook and set up a tent anyways.”

Jungkook flailed his hands as he glared at his elder, “What’s the point in calling it a camping trip if we aren’t going to camp?” Always the stubborn and hardheaded person he was, Jungkook insisted on his words as he crossed his arms with that pouty expression of his.

“Nobody called it a camping trip except you.” Yoongi turned to face him deadpan, Jungkook’s lips parted several times before defeatingly closing them as Yoongi snorted, “Yeah, exactly. Anyways, you should go. Shop is going to be closed anyways since Bang is going out of town to visit his parents. Unless you really wanna sulk in your apartment all week…” He shrugged as you sharply inhaled.

“I’ll think about it…” Jungkook immediately jumped, wrapping his arms around you as he smushed you against him making you squirm, “Thank you Noona! You’ll camp with me right?” He bounced in excitement as you pushed him away from you. Jungkook always had a lack of boundaries especially when he got excited.

“No.” You replied promptly as you turned around making him cross his arms with a humph, “Be happy I’m at least considering, you ungrateful brat.” To which Jungkook smiled cheekily. Sighing you leaned against the counter top with a hum. Maybe this would be good for you. You knew if Taehyung was here he’d be thrilled to go, immediately begging you to go with him and even saying he refused to go without you. You could never deprive him of something he loved and enjoyed.

Maybe...just maybe…

The doors just as always at twelve thirty rang as you all glanced up to see the embodiment of the sun wave and his moon beside him who was always more reserved, “Hey! You guys are going on the trip up to the cabin right?” Hoseok bounced up to the register as he set his hands up on it and leaned forward.

“Yes and we’re camping!” Jungkook wrapped an arm around your neck, squeezing it causing you to gag as you jammed your elbow into his stomach causing him to grunt before whining.

“No we are not!” You whipped around as you glared at him, your lips tugging into a pout of your own as you glared at the younger boy who stubbornly crossed his arms once more.

“Oh you’re going Y/n?” Hoseok clapped his hands in excitement as you glanced at the two men, instinctively lowering your gaze a little when you felt Namjoon’s eyes on you. They seemed sadder than normal.

Which wasn’t normal at all. Namjoon was- he always smiled, so why didn’t he today when your eyes met his?

“I might,” You admitted reluctantly, “I need to think it over.” Was he still thinking about your rejection at the art museum? Or your cryptic and weird words? Did he assume you were just a sad freak. A part of you desperately wondered why you didn’t see those sweet dimples today.

“Well don’t take too long,” Hoseok winked playfully as he grinned brightly, “We’re leaving Friday and we sure could use the company. Right Namjoon?” He elbowed the quiet man a little causing him to jolt before harshly glaring at Hoseok who seemed like a little boy who had a secret he was dying to tell.

Namjoon glanced back at you as he mustered a weak smile, but you could see in his eyes they weren’t glowing like they were before, “Of course we’d like you to come. But don’t feel pressured.” You nodded as you glanced back at the counter top. Unable to bear his gaze anymore. Trying not to overthink why he seemed so melancholy today.

Or perhaps he was always like this and your head had just played tricks on you? No...No you could remember Namjoon’s smile as clear as day, it was bright and lovely, his eyes glowed not like the sun- not burning and harsh- but like the moon, soft and almost nostalgic as if he lived every moment of his life with gratitude and peace.

So what happened? The only thing you could recall was what had previously happened. But surely he wasn’t upset about that? After all, he shouldn’t want to deal with a heartbroken girl who only knew how to cry.

Unless....No…”Well I better go get more chocolate bombs for the holder.” You mumbled as you turned around, pushing the door to the back open as you shoved your thoughts to the back of your head. You wouldn’t let your mind go there.

----

You couldn’t help but feel like this was a mistake, no matter how crisp and fresh the air was, the lake view was gorgeous and reflection off the water made it look like diamonds trickled against its surface. The car ride was over four hours and you were grateful to be on your feet with all the greenery.

You were definitely tired, not used to being around people so long outside of work after the past year. Feeling semi lethargic you let out a yawn as you rubbed your eyes, “Aren’t you excited Noona?” Jungkook curled his fists, his nose scrunched up like a bunny as he grinned like a child, “I told you it would be pretty here!”

You were tired, definitely, but you mustered a smile, a small one as you replied, “Yeah...it is.” You glanced back out over the lake before fixing your bag over your shoulder. Like Jungkook said, this would be good for you...hopefully...The cabin was fairly big and everyone, even you helped pitched in the rent for it for the next two days. Jimin was excited for you, telling you to try and enjoy yourself and if all else failed he’d come and pick you up.

You would certainly try your best to not let that happen though, of course Jimin would be willing to drive eight hours for you on a work day. Everyone was still outside, you could hear shouts and laughter, water splashing as you stepped inside the cabin.

It was warm and cozy, buried in neutrals and warm colors, blankets piled on the couch that sat in front of the fireplace. Walking around you examined each room before smiling a little, choosing the one that had a lake view, Taehyung would certainly love it. Pulling the polaroid camera out of your bag you lifted it up before taking a photo of the window. You’d make sure to bring it to show him when you came back home.

“I didn’t take you for polaroids.”

You jumped as your gaze snapped to the person who seemed to become all too familiar with you the past month now. Pulling the photograph out of the dispenser you gave it a little wave as silence sat between you both, “I’m not.” You mumbled as you carefully set the camera back in your bag, your thumbs edging the sharp stiff ends of the photo.

“Y/n,” You didn’t look up at him despite his voice sounding soft, feet gently padding against the floor and he was surely right behind you now, Namjoon’s voice soft, maybe even a little sad as he murmured, “Why do you always seem so sad when I ask?”

Letting your fingers trace against the photocard you let a small melancholy smile tug on your lips, “Because,” Your eyes blurred a little and your throat felt tight as you mumbled, “These things I do, going to art museums, taking polaroids, I do them because,” You turned to face Namjoon as a tear slid down your cheek, “He loved it. Even if I never did. I do it for him..”

Namjoon’s expression had hardened a little, he seemed lost, maybe even angry, maybe he was tired of constantly seeing tears in your eyes, he bowed his head a little, eyes seeming somewhat broody as he muttered, “I see…I’ll leave you to it, I guess…”

You weren’t sure why your heart clenched at the way his face seemed so forlorn, broody as he turned on his heels. Your throat squeezing and his name never reached your lips like you instinctively wanted too.

You thought that, maybe when he left you’d feel better, more at peace. But that broody expression haunted you as you sat up in the window seal loft, letting your knee’s curl against your chest as a dull ache came from your heart.

This ache was different, it wasn’t like the one you had anytime you thought of your soulmate. This was...different. New. Like something was wilted but still had a chance. Your chest felt heavy and your mind was telling you to go after Namjoon, to get him to smile and clear up whatever misunderstanding there was. You didn’t understand either, truthfully, what did you say to make him look like that?

You had opened yourself up and told him a little and he...he acted gloomy, as if life was sucked from his body. You didn’t understand but...but you’d like too...Watching everyone splash and muffled screams from the window you let your head press against the glass as you sighed. Closing your eyes, even in the crowdest places you always felt so lonely.

-----

It was a full moon out tonight, glossy and incandescent to anything you had ever seen. Oftentimes when you felt lonely Taehyung used to always tell you, ‘Just look at the moon whenever you feel lonely. Someone at that exact moment is looking at it as well. You’re never truly alone’

It always made you feel better, even now. Someone was probably looking at this same moon as you right now and you couldn’t help but wonder. What were they thinking? Was there a reason they were admiring such a beautiful sight as the sky? Carefully you slipped on your shoes, curling the cardigan around your body as you opened the main door of the cabin before walking outside.

Grassing brushing softly against your feet and crickets cooed with the rustle of trees and cool air, it was a little humid out but not hot enough to make you want to shed your cozy layer. Walking down the path you glanced up at the sky were the stars speckled across the deep midnight blue horizon.

You paused on your walk when you noticed a little wooden bridge, it wasn’t the cute sight itself but the person who stood on it, “Namjoon?” You called out softly to the man who was leaning over the railing, observing the moon that sat in the painted sky. He jolted before whipping around as you approached slowly.

“Y/n…?” He seemed surprised, of course he was, it was only two in the morning after all. You were supposed to be the only one out here right here, trying to clear your head, let go of what your heart didn’t want too.

Wrapping your arms around yourself you stepped onto the bridge as you murmured softly, “May I join you?” It was hard making out his facial expressions in the moonlight, but you thought maybe you saw hesitation on his face for a brief moment.

“Of course,” Even in the dark you could spot those pretty dimples, leaning back against the railing he hummed, “You’re always a pleasant company to have.” For some reason, his words took you off guard. They seemed...sincere, yet, distant perhaps? They seemed odd given the last time you had spoken.

You let your arms rest against the railing beside him, crickets sounding and the water gently lapped, even in the dark though the moonlight reflected against the water making it sparkle with assorted gems. It was quiet between you both yet the pressure in your chest swelled, the sudden need to apologize for earlier today. You weren’t sure why it felt imperative to do so. Or as if it was even necessary.

“I’m sorry if I said something wrong earlier-” “I’m sorry about what I said earlier-”

It seemed you were not the only one to have an apology on your mind. Both you and Namjoon had bursted at the same time before pausing, tripping over one anothers words before you stopped altogether. Glancing at him briefly before you both began to laugh softly.

“I’m sorry- uh you can go first!” You squeaked, glancing away from him as you looked back out over the water, letting your body lean against the old wooden grooves that scraped lightly against your skin.

Namjoon was silent for a moment before he replied, somewhat quiet, maybe even shy? “Well…” He drawled, “I just...wanted to apologize about earlier. My words were unnecessary and I shouldn’t have asked you such a personal question. You have every right to feel the way you do and it wasn’t my place to ask something like that.”

It was silent for another moment before you let your eyes flit to Namjoon’s figure, you could make out the silhouette of his face which seemed almost forlorn, in deep thought as he looked out over the moon, “Oh…” You mumbled, as you glanced back at your hands, fingers tracing the dry harsh groove of the wooden railing, “Well...I just wanted to say I’m sorry for…” You paused for a moment, what were you apologising for? “...being me I guess.”

You didn’t mean for it to sound depressing, but you supposed it was the truth, you felt like you had become nothing but a shell of a person since what had happened. Like you had become closed off, difficult to get to know, moody, temperamental. It was no wonder Namjoon was so fed up with your constant switch in behavior, “I know I’m...me...but...thank you for tolerating it. It’s nice having someone outside of my friends to talk to.”

“Don’t apologize for that.” Your gaze jumped to Namjoon, a little startled at how stern his voice was, you couldn’t necessarily see him but you could feel his sharp, judgmental gaze on your figure, “I’m sure you have your reasons. And truthfully, like I said. I just… had clouded judgment,” Namjoon murmured cryptically, “I let my emotions get in the way when I talked to you earlier today. I’m more than happy to be your friend Y/n! You aren’t a burden or something I’m just tolerating, I talk to you because I like you.”

You felt better but....something still felt withered inside you...you mustered a smile as you shrugged, “I guess so...I know I’m not always responsive sometimes...but...if we’re okay then let’s not talk about what happened anymore! What are you doing out here so late?” You didn’t want to dwell on what happened, it made you feel icky and gross inside even after clearing things up with Namjoon, you still didn’t understand why it wouldn’t go away.

Namjoon laughed a little as he shrugged, “To think, I’ve always been a bit of a moon child honestly. Looking up at the sky always helps me clear my head. I should be asking you what you’re doing out this late.”

You rubbed the back of your neck bashfully as you shrugged, “I couldn’t sleep tonight, I like going out on walks, get out of my room, my head.” You glanced down at the rippling water, a frown on your face as you held in a sigh. Truthfully, you couldn’t sleep because Namjoon’s expression kept playing in your head. The way he seemed so distant and cold earlier, it bothered you to no end yet you didn’t understand why.

So you came out here to look at the moon in the open, feel the warm air on your skin and maybe you’d find whatever you were looking for. It seemed, what you had been looking for was Namjoon, and of course there he was, on this bridge. You didn’t know what this meant or what to take away from it. But you were happy you found him regardless.

“I can understand that,” Namjoon chuckled softly, his expression soft as he glanced up at the night sky, gaze still somewhat muted compared to before but...it still seemed sad, maybe the kind of sad where you just accept a situation for what it was, “Well, at least the moon brought us together.”

His gaze met yours as you mirrored his smile, a little bashful as you rubbed your cheek, looking out over the rippling water as you mumbled, “I guess it did…” Letting your chin rest against your arms as you stretched out your back. There was something… oddly comforting about Namjoon’s presence? You weren’t sure, but you liked it…

You really liked it.

“Have you ever considered that Plato was just on drugs the whole time he was writing?” You slurped on your noodles as you glanced up to meet Namjoon’s exasperated expression making you smile as you snorted.

“Dualism?”

“Drugs. Who the fuck thinks about the mind and body being seperated in like 11 AD?” You snorted again as Namjoon groaned, sinking into his seat. He had been trying to talk about his latest readings to you and you had been...not making fun of it! Just...making the conversation interesting, “No seriously, didn’t they burn women back then for just knowing how to read? It just seems so...primitive for philosophy to be introduced so early in time with all things considering back then….”

Namjoon rubbed his face as he sighed, unable to resist the smile that tugged on his lips as he clacked his tongue, “Alright fair enough, what do you suggest we talk about then if you refuse to talk philosophy.”

You puckered your lips, holding your chopsticks animately as you replied, “We could talk about how corrupt the patriarchy was throughout time and how men used religion as a way to justify the oppression of women and slavery?”

You snorted at the way Namjoon, for the first time in your friendship seemed speechless, perhaps impressed, or simply just stunned before he sighed with a shrug, “Alright fine, but first of all some women actually did have some say in different cultures. But it had a lot more to do with classism then gender. Take a look at the Spartans as examples.”

You held up a finger as you replied, “Except the only reason women received burials was because they gave birth to Spartans? I mean A for effort I guess,” You rolled your eyes, “But that doesn’t change the fact that women were only honored for giving birth to men, still seems like a convoluted way of saying women weren’t worth even burials unless they were of some use to men.”

Namjoon hummed as he rubbed his chin, “Fair point, really I think because-”

“Well look who it is!”

Both you and Namjoon jumped at the sound of a chipper loud voice, your lips twisted into a mild frown at the sight of Jungkook and Hoseok’s shit eating grins, without invitation immediately plopping down in the booth, Jungkook sitting beside you and Hoseok mirroring him, “So what are you two doing on this fine day?”

There was something in Jungkook’s tone that made you shift awkwardly, why did he sound like you both were up to something when you weren’t, rubbing the back of your neck you mumbled, somewhat reluctantly, “Well we were just having lunch…?”

“Oh, you mean like-” Hoseok suddenly grunted in pain, Namjoon harshly elbowing him as he cut his eyes at his best friend. You glanced between the both of them, it seemed like they were having a conversation by only facial expressions before Namjoon spoke up, “We were just talking about the oppression of women through history. Thoughts?”

Both Hoseok and Jungkook wrinkled their noses, never ones to get involved in these kinds of discussions no matter how true they may be. Rather than talk about that, it seemed they had come over to, what? Stir the pot?

“Nah,” Jungkook attempted to wrap an arm around your neck as you shoved him away, a grin on his face as he hummed, “I just haven’t seen Noona getting out as of late, it’s good to see you both together.” Now you were feeling weird. Rubbing the back of your neck you looked away from all of them, well aware of your expression becoming flatter by the moment.

Namjoon was beginning to look apprehensive as well as he coughed, “Uh, well, we were just eating…?” He seemed somewhat sheepish and even if it was unsaid you could tell he was trying to make it clear this wasn’t a date...Right? You had paused mentally for a moment, but...this did kind of seem like a date…

No, friends could hang out! You nodded to yourself silently, Namjoon was a friend and you needed friends, and in order to make friends you had to hang out! And even so, it wasn’t like Namjoon was interested in you and...you...you....a lump in your throat formed as you pucker your lips on your cup. No you weren’t gonna go there.

“Right…!” Hoseok gave a bright yet odd smile as him and Jungkook shared a laugh, as if they knew something you didn’t, “Well, we’ll just ah...let you two get back to it.” He winked as Jungkook wiggled a brow at you before they both got up.

You felt confusion wash over you as you watched them both walk away, frowning a little as you sank back in your seat, “That was weird.” Were the first words that tumbled out of your lips. On one hand you wanted to ask why they were acting like that but...wasn’t it obvious…?

Namjoon offered a weak smile as he rubbed the back of his neck, “Yeah…” His reply was hardly a murmur though as he looked down at his pork bulgogi looking not nearly as hungry as he proclaimed he was twenty minutes ago.

The rest of your lunch had become...stale...no matter how hard you or Namjoon tried the air of what had happened with Hoseok and Jungkook lingered and continued to pester the back of your head. What were they trying to insinuate? That it was a date? Because it wasn’t…! You weren’t…! You could feel frustration tug inside your subconscious but you didn’t understand why.

Namjoon and you were currently walking on the sidewalk, namely back to your apartment which just so happened to be on the same path as one of Namjoon’s acqtuance’s house where he had promised he would help them study. The weather was nice today, the wind was blowing a cool breeze and the sun was warm on your skin. On harder days you often tried to sunbathe, to soak in it’s rays and feel it’s warmth. You had read somewhere that if you soaked up enough warmth that it would manifest into positivity.

Or maybe that was just something you made up to make yourself feel better? On dimmer days you like grounding yourself in your five senses, even if they seemed dull and void. Today was not a bad day though. Not for the weather and neither for you. In fact, it was perfect. The air was fresh and you could smell the lavender bushes on the sidewalk that had been planted waft with each blow of breeze.

“I’m really sorry for what happened.” You opened your eyes as you paused, looking at Namjoon who walked beside you, his cheeks looked a little red and he wouldn’t meet your gaze as you tilted your head, unsure of what there was to be sorry for. His gaze flicked to yours, seeing your confusion before immediately following up, “About Hoseok and Jungkook...ah…” He gave a somewhat weak smile as he looked away, hesitation in his eyes, “It feels like they made things weird…”

“No..!” You immediately shook your head, not wanting to make him feel worse by admitting they really did make you feel odd, but you were positive that was your own self projection, after all you had that tendency with Namjoon since you first met… “It’s fine, you don’t need to apologize.” You offered a soft smile as you began to walk again, Namjoon following along said to you as you continued, “It was weird yeah, but, I mean we’re still friends so…” Pausing in front of the entrance of your apartment complex you shrugged as you smiled, “Don’t worry about it! They’re just being dumb. Anyways, i’ll see you later.”

You offered one last smile before heading into your apartment, Namjoon deflating somewhat as he sighed, watching you walk away once again as he rubbed the back of his neck, kicking a small pebble that had surfaced from the pebble surface of the resident sign, “Yeah...friends…”

Namjoon decided to not linger on your words, the more he thought about it the more it stung and he didn’t want to act like a kicked puppy, you didn’t owe him anything other then your friendship he just...He sighed as he began walking to his friends home, surely he’d give good advice. After all, Seokjin was highly popular with women.

After arriving at his apartment Namjoon hadn’t intended on letting out as much as he did, but it was admittedly nice to unload all of his feelings without feeling obligated to hold back, if he told his best friend he knew Hoseok would only make things worse despite having good intentions.

“So,” Seokjin plopped the sucker into his mouth, leaning back on the bed as his eyes glazed over the textbook, “You what…? Wanna bang her? What’s the deal?”

“No!” Namjoon immediately objected before groaning as he sank back in his seat, unsure of how to explain, “I don’t just want to sleep with her…” He muttered, “I just...want to get to know her. But it feels like there's this…” He waved his hand around, “Invisible wall, like she doesn’t want me to get to know her. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything to make her like this though…” He paused a moment, evaluating all of his past actions. Namjoon was positive he was a nice guy, you owed him nothing but, he had hoped maybe at least his behavior would explain why you were like this yet...He genuinely couldn’t think of anything.

Well except maybe back last month at the cabin when he had gotten cold, the memory made him wince but...you had been even worse before then...So what was it…? Namjoon felt helpless as he glanced at his elder who shrugged loosely, pulling the sucker from his mouth as he replied, “Maybe it’s just her Namjoon. Regardless she doesn’t sound interested so you shouldn’t get your hopes up.”

Namjoon paused, could it just be you…? He never actually thought about it before, always assuming he was the problem. Not that you were the problem but, “I just wish things weren’t so easy to become awkward between us.” He sighed as he flipped the page of his book.

Seokjin eyed him curiously as he hummed, “Well what do you mean? Awkward how?” Seokjin didn’t consider himself a playboy like many would dub him but he had definitely gotten around enough to at least get an idea of how women worked emotionally, when to pursue and when to back off.

Namjoon shrugged as he replied, “It’s just...weird...I can tell she starts overthinking and questioning. Like it’s difficult for her to even go out for just lunch with me. Awkward like, just the idea of being on a date with me makes her wanna bail...that kind of awkward…” He slumped in his seat, “Am I really that unlikeable?”

Seokjin snorted, curving a brow at his friend who looked rather pathetic at the moment, “I think,” Tapping his lip Seokjin hummed, “She has some stuff she’s sorting out, and it’s not you. It’s just her, I’m sure if you asked her that, she’d say the same. If you haven’t been an ass to her in any way shape or form, it sounds like she’s just working through some stuff. Sucks but hey, you won’t know if you don’t ask…”

Namjoon groaned, he knew Seokjin was right, if he’d just got the balls and asked you he was positive you’d give him an answer...well- doubt filled his mind, “I think her last boyfriend left her, or...maybe he hurt her? I don’t know.”

This perked Seokjin’s attention, straightening a little as he curved a brow, “Oh?”

Rubbing his neck he shrugged as he weakly replied, “Yeah, she mentions some guy sometimes, whenever I ask about the things she does which she doesn’t enjoy. Like that polaroid she carries around, or she sometimes goes out to museums. I don’t know.” Jealousy oozed despite Namjoon knowing he had no right to feel jealous.

Just the idea of someone hurting you deeply upset and angered him though, especially if it was to the point of you closing your heart to anyone else, Seokjin pressed his lips together, “Huh...that is kind of weird. Well…” Seokjin rose a brow as he emphasised his words while glaring Namjoon down, “Guess you’ll never know if you don’t ask.” Namjoon could only muster a groan. Asking you had to be the worst idea ever.

----

“Come on! Noona it’ll be a fun way for you to get out!” You sighed in exasperation, looking away from Jungkook’s big puppy eyes that were just begging you to go with him, it was already hard enough to get yourself out of bed by noon today just to meet up with him for lunch let alone going to a party tonight.

“Jungkook,” You pressed your lips together, trying to look at him only for him to whine as he shifted in his seat, the food court in the mall was packed today with life and energy, you had promised Jungkook you’d help him shop for more dressy clothes today as he was...attempting to pursue someone. Whoever that may be as he was too shy to say, “You know I’m not into parties…”

“Just this once!” Jungkook begged as he laced his fingers together, sitting up in his seat with his lips jutted into a pitiful pout, “I’ll stay with you the whole time Noona! I think it’ll be fun! And if it isn’t we can go home the moment you say and- and I’ll buy you some kimbap and we can watch a movie of your choice!”

He drove a hard bargain, you sighed as you sunk into your seat, crossing your arms in thought, you supposed...there couldn’t be any harm in going…? You pressed your lips together as you closed your eyes briefly, just thinking about this made you exhausted but you knew Jimin would be ecstatic if you had went out tonight, he had been encouraging you to get out more and….”Okay let’s say, I went to this party...who would be there?”

Jungkook’s lips parted in excitement as you cut him off, “That I know.”

His lips immediately snapped shut once more, as his eyes dropped to the table somewhat sheepishly, “Look, Noona...Think of it like this, it’s a great opportunity to meet new people! Hoseok and Namjoon will be there! You know them! And they know people you could meet too! I’ll be there for what it’s worse…” He gave a bright bunny smile as you looked away from him, “Hey! Don’t give me that look!” He cried out with another pout on his face.

Taehyung and you both never enjoyed parties, he was a social butterfly sure but he always said he hated the taste of alcohol and besides, what was the point in going out when he could just stay in with you. It felt like a bitter prick against your heart at the bitter reminder. Right, you were gonna stay in tonight, maybe cry in the shower, wear that set of pajamas that used to match with his while watching a stupid romcom he loved.

“Woah, woah, woah! Hey Y/n.”

You closed your eyes as you put your hands on your face trying to cover the tears that rolled down your cheeks, “Sorry.” You sniffed as you felt both shame and embarrassment coil inside your body, all this time and you can hardly even think about him without crying still. It’s no wonder Jungkook probably doesn’t want to hang out with you.

“Noona!” Jungkook cried out, “You have nothing to apologize for, look,” He fumbled somewhat frantically as he gathered up the trash of your left over food, “You don’t have to go, it was just a suggestion! I don’t want you to be sad though so let’s go over to the Gap and I want your opinion on these two shirts okay?”

You sniffled as you rubbed your watery eyes, a snort escaping you as you replied, “The Gap has ugly clothing Jungkook.” To which he gasped in offense as you stood up with him.

“First of all don’t judge until you see, second of all you have horrible taste Noona, no offense.” You rolled your eyes despite the tiny smile tugging on your lips as you wrapped your arms around yourself. Maybe, Jungkook was right, and after all…he said he’d take you home if you weren’t having fun...

This was an awful idea. There was no backing out of this idea once you expressed your interest to Jungkook and he dragged you from store to store because this outing was no longer about him as it was finding something new for you to wear, he had even insisted on paying for it himself.

Jungkook was no longer in sight nor on your mind as he had been talking to Hoseok last you had seen him, who was cheerifully talking to him despite the shy look on his face. Of course he had gotten your permission, not wanting to leave you by yourself, just as he promised he wouldn’t. For as much of annoying brat as he was, he was also truly a sweetheart.

“Are you okay?” Your concern however, wasn’t on Jungkook right now given you were no longer downstairs as you paused and turned towards Namjoon who looked like he was having a mid life crisis despite being twenty four and at a frat party- but you supposed being younger than twenty one at something like this could cause that.

Namjoon’s eyes darted at the closed door and his mouth felt dry, opting to nod instead as you sat down on the bed. Truthfully you had made the pack to just stick to Jungkook tonight and let him do the talking but it was by chance you bumped into Namjoon here who had also been dragged to this party by his friend- Seokjin who was apparently a frat brother at this fraternity.

It was loud and the whole place reeked of weed, whoever wasn’t locked in a haze was definitely drunk and it had been over all unpleasant.

The one saving grace you had found was Namjoon, it was too loud downstairs and with Jungkook off with Hoseok you kept getting interrupted by other people asking for him. Finally asking if Namjoon would like to go upstairs where it would be more quiet.

And here you were, “It’s nice up here.” You glanced around the semi clean room, “At least it smells like Axe.” Which wasn’t much better than marijuana but you’d take it.

Namjoon snorted as he plopped down on the bed, a humored smile on his lips as he replied, “Yeah it just smells like a middle school boys locker room.” He laid back against the bed as he stretched out, closing his eyes as he soaked in the atmosphere, today felt...different...he wasn’t sure how but, he liked it.

You seemed happy today, or at least you looked happy. And you were smiling more at work. Namjoon really liked your smile, “Hey,” He hummed as he opened his eyes and glanced at your upright figure, “Why did you come tonight? I thought you didn’t like parties?”

You gave a somewhat sheepish laugh as you shrugged, running a hand through your hair as you replied, “Ah well…” You seemed a little flustered as you glanced away from him- not wanting to admit that Jungkook had nearly cried from begging you to come because he really wanted you to at least try it just once, all in the name of getting yourself back out there, but the one leading motivate that he continuously brought up, was Namjoon, “Jungkook wanted someone to come with him. He gets worried about me occasionally.” You rolled your eyes briefly despite the small smile on your face, “Says he doesn’t want me to become a hermit.”

Namjoon’s expression softened a little, that was something else he never quite understood, were your friends just that caring…? It seemed a bit unnormal the way they always eyed you with concern despite you brushing them off, “It just shows he cares.” Namjoon offered a smile as you sighed, flopping down onto your back next to him as you glanced up at the ceiling.

“I know,” You admitted as your smile slowly formed into a frown, your gaze hardened at the dirty ceiling as your brows pinched together, “I just…” You inhaled sharply, sounding somewhat frustrated as you sighed, “I just wish they’d treat me normal sometimes...you know? It’s nice knowing everyone supports me but…” You felt a bitter smile curl on your lips, “I can always see the pity, like I’m just a kicked puppy that needs a little love…They all mean well but…”

“I can understand why you’d feel frustrated,” Namjoon spoke up, rolling over to face you, sincerity in his eyes as he spoke, “I wouldn’t want to be treated like that either. It’s hard being in a room full of people who all look at you like you’re broken when you aren’t.”

His words hit deeper then you wanted to admit, your throat suddenly feeling restricted as you glowered at the ceiling trying to blink back tears. Perhaps it was the realization that people do look at you like you're broken. Maybe you were, afterall, you weren’t the same anymore. You could barely hold a smile on your face anymore.

You suffered long nights full of dreams of torment and tears in your waking hour to numbness and wondering why life was even worth living. You had debated on the fall from your window and you had even wondered about the knives in the kitchen drawers. You felt your lips twitch into a bitter smile as you laughed, feeling tears drip down as you replied, “I’d think the same if I were them. I don’t even blame them.”

Namjoon sat up as he frowned, looking resentful at your words as you wiped your face, “Hey.” You sniffed a little as you sat up, wiping your tears on your sleeve, “You aren’t broken, people shouldn’t be so quick to judge.”

“You’re just saying that because you're nice.” You scoffed as you glanced down at the bed, your eyes glaring despite the blur, you fought with yourself at night on why Namjoon was even friends with you, surely he just thought you needed help. Needed friends. Why did it hurt to think of it like that? It’s what you wanted, right?

You squeaked in surprise at Namjoon’s large hands suddenly cupping your face, forcing you to look him in the eyes as you were taken back on how intense his stare was, anger evident on his face as his jaw clenched, “Don’t assume that. You aren’t broken and I don’t look at you like you need to be fixed okay?” His expression softened a little as he watched your eyes begin to blur again, your shoulders shaking as sniffled, trying your damnedest to not cry as you gritted your teeth.

Defeatedly you closed your eyes as you let your tears fall, why couldn’t you stop crying? Why was everything so confusing and why did it all have to hurt? Namjoon let his thumb rub across your cheekbone, wiping away the tears that dripped down as you closed your eyes, “I don’t care what’s happened okay? I just want to help you be happy again.”

“I don’t deserve it,” You spat out as you choked on your tears, unable to even look at him, you felt so useless, worthless, all of the life left your body with Taehyung when he- your breath escaped you, catching yourself as you nearly choked on the influx of tears. It didn’t matter anymore, nothing mattered anymore. He was gone and he wasn’t coming back.

Namjoon could feel his heart crumble with every tear that dropped down your face, his thumbs soothingly wiping every drop away, “Yes you do. Please, don’t say that about yourself.” Namjoon felt like a faucet and he couldn’t stop the overflow of emotions, unable to keep it to himself any longer when you were so obviously in pain. When you hated yourself for reasons unknown to him, “You will always be worth it to me, okay?” He pressed his forehead against yours, his smile pained as you squeezed your eyes tightly shut, “There will never be a day I don’t think that?” He said breathlessly, his eyes dulled and pained at your sobs, “Don’t cry love.” He spoke softly, closing his eyes, letting the warmth of your skin seep against his as he rubbed his thumbs over your cheeks.

“I don’t know how. I-I’m sorry....” You mumbled as you sharply sniffled, trying to calm yourself down as your heart ached. You thought for sure you had gotten better, but it became apparent you were just trying to block Taehyung out, and you couldn’t do that. He didn’t deserve it. Taehyung absolutely did not deserve to be blocked out of your memory or forgotten.

“Shhh.” Namjoon hummed soothingly, his nose rubbing against yours, his fingers tracing down your jawline, “You don’t have anything to apologize for.” Your lips trembled at the feeling of his warm breath against your skin, you could feel the hesitation from him, just a ghost of brush from his lips as you sniffled before he fully pressed his lips against yours.

The kiss was wet, not in a very pleasant way, tears beginning to stream down your cheeks as his lips began to tenderly stroke against yours, his hands so warm against your face as you sobbed against his mouth, parting your lips at the feeling of his soft lips that felt so right against yours. It was like intimacy and warmth you craved.

The kiss which was gentle quickly turned more heated, your body immediately crawling closer to his as your lips parted for him, his tongue immediately pushing past to enter your mouth as dominance was immediately one, a soft moan escaped you as long fingers trailed down your face to your neck. Your body was lighting up at the memory of those long fingers wrapped around your throat, the heat of his body against yours.

All the sleepless nights you spent together moaning in passion. Taehyung’s hands trailed down your waist, squeezing tight making you whimper as you crawled into his lap, seeking the comfort only he could bring as you let his tongue lap and force yours into submission in a sloppy wet kiss.

The knock on the door immediately made you jolt, opening your eyes only to let out a yelp. This was not Taehyung- but Namjoon. You frantically fell out of his lap, all too aware of your shocked expression and tear stained face as you wiped your mouth...You just...kissed Namjoon...The twist of betrayal in your heart wouldn’t stop stabbing as the door opened.

Namjoon’s lips had parted, looking somewhat frantic to apologize and explain himself when he saw how devastated your expression was, “Oh- uh sorry.” Seokjin looked somewhat sheepish to see the both of you, a girl peeping behind his shoulder looking somewhat embarrassed herself, “Were we um…?”

“No!” You sharply replied, getting off the bed as you felt your hands violently tremble. You just...you just kissed...you imagined...you thought…“You didn’t.” You rushed past the both of them as you the music pounded into your head and it was like the lights became blurred but not from tears anymore. All of your senses were on overload as your mind sneered at you, you just kissed someone who wasn’t Taehyung, as if he didn’t exist, it didn’t matter whether or not you thought it was him. It wasn’t. It wasn’t Taehyung, how were you ever supposed to forgive yourself?

“Y/n! Y/n!”

You didn’t stop until you were suddenly yanked back, “Y/n please,” Namjoon looked at you pleading, “I’m sorry, I overstepped my boundaries and I shouldn’t-”

“I don’t like you Namjoon.” Your heart was frantically beating out of your chest as tears began to blur in your eyes, shaking your head as you pulled from his grip, “This- it wouldn’t work. Don’t waste your time.” Your voice was ice cold despite the tears dripping down your face as you glared at him, the hurt in his eyes was unmistakable as you turned around.

Your body in shock as you closed your eyes, letting the tears slide down your cheeks. Walking downstairs you bumped into the person you were just looking for. Jungkook had first smiled upon seeing you before his expression immediately became worried, “What happened?” He was by your side instantly.

Sobbing you covered your ears, the music and lights too much as guilt ate you alive, “I wanna go home Jungkook.” You felt like a child as you wrapped your arms around yourself, Jungkook immediately wrapping an arm around you as he guided you out of the house.

How could you ever function after this…?

“Y/n please, we’re worried.” Jimin kneeled down in front of you as your body trembled, burying further into your blanket curled up on the couch as you shook your head. You couldn’t even speak about what happened without feeling the violent urge to throw up.

How could you ever do that to Taehyung? What would he think? Closing your eyes you sobbed once more as you heard Jimin demand, “What happened? What do you mean she came downstairs crying?”

Jungkook sat beside you and had refused to leave your house despite it being three in the morning, concern washed on his expression as he replied, “I don’t know! She and Namjoon went upstairs for a while and then she came back down crying and asked to come home. She wouldn’t talk the whole way home.”

Just the sound of his name sickened you, your fists curling against the blanket. You couldn’t be angry at him, after all, you had enjoyed it. You craved it. You were the one who was disgusting. Jimin rested his hands on the couch as he looked at you with a frown, “Y/n…” His heart broke at the sight of your crumpled figure buried in blankets, “Did he take advantage of you? What happened?”

“I imagined him…” You sobbed as you whispered, lips trembling at just the mental imagine in your head, looking up at them with tears welling as you confessed, “I kissed him and all I could see was Taehyung.” You buried back into the blankets as you sobbed, tears staining the warm cotton as you closed your eyes, “I miss him so fucking much. It hurts, it hurts to even breathe knowing he's dead. What’s the point in even being alive if he isn’t here with me? I’d do anything to be with him again. I can’t fucking do this anymore.”

You curled up as you squeezed your eyes shut, confessing every single thought that had built in your head, “I can’t…!” You couldn’t even register who was hugging you or who was saying what anymore, it was all a blur.

You weren’t even sure when you fell asleep.

Waking up your head was groggy and you groaned, when did you get in bed and... why was Jungkook here? Jungkook was curled up next to you, his breath in a soft rhythm as you sat up, rubbing your head as you began to recall the night before, your suddenly squeezing as you swallowed back the shame and guilt.

Stupid

Stupid.

You should’ve kept it to yourself- you were never supposed to say anything you said last night…”Hey…” You coiled away from Jungkook’s soft voice, deeper than normal as he had obviously just woke up, if he didn’t think you were a kicked puppy before he definitely does now, “Hey…:” His voice was considerably softer as he sat up, a frown on his lips as he spoke, “You don’t need to feel ashamed for last night Noona...it’s good to get that stuff out…”

Pressing your hands against your face you felt absolutely mortified as you remembered in vivid detail what happened at the party, “I kissed Namjoon,” You whispered under your breath, “And all I could see was him.” You swallowed the thick knot that squeezed in your throat as you felt Jungkook comfortingly press his hand on your shoulder.

“It’s a process Noona,” Jungkook felt his lips quiver a little, not liking seeing you in such despair, you often hid it well but overtones always lingered, it hurt seeing you like this, “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” A soft knock on the door sounded through the room before it opened, Jimin poking his head in as his eyes turned sad at the way your body curled into itself.

“How are you feeling?” Jimin sat on the edge of the bed as you snorted.

“Like crap.”

You could hear them both chuckle and you even felt your lips tug into a smile briefly before they quivered back into a frown, “God, I’m sorry guys…” You felt awful, you ruined both of their nights and probably their sleep, just to listen to you cry.

They both were immediately objecting as you inhaled slowly, sinking into yourself as Jimin sighed as well, his gaze soft as he pressed his lips together, silence taking over the room before he slowly spoke, “Y/n...I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but...I think maybe, we should get you help…” You parted your lips, wanting to object but he continued, “You need help. Y/n,” His lips quivered a little, “I lost my best friend,” His eyes looked glossy as he forced a smile, “I can’t lose you too. Please, at least for a week, for me.”

You lowered your gaze as you rubbed your face, maybe it would be for the best, you were beginning to see things that weren’t there, Taehyung was everywhere you looked, you could never escape the ghost of him no matter how hard you tried, “I…” You glanced at the sheets in resignation as you sighed, “Okay…” You mumbled, “I’ll give it a try.”

Only because you didn’t want them to worry over you.

----

Namjoon couldn’t say for sure what had happened, but he knew, deep down, he had fucked up. Running a hand through his hair he groaned as he paused at the shop in front of him. He knew seeing you now was a bad idea, you’d probably go to the back room and you wouldn’t want to talk to him.

But he just…! He just needed to know why. Why couldn’t he be with you? He never meant to fall in love with you, but he loved your smile you rarely showed, or the way you’d give witty comments to every subject he’d try to be serious about. And for once, he loved being not serious. With you. Did he go too fast? Should he have waited?

Namjoon almost didn’t want to go inside, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to handle the rejection, sometimes, it doesn’t matter how long you wait, some people are just not interested. But he was so sure you were, your eyes always seemed so bright and lit up when you laughed together, or how it would soften and you’d listen intently to his worries. He just needed to know…!

Determined he opened the door to the shop where his lips immediately quirked into a frown. Jungkook had just finished serving a customer when their eyes met, a frown also on his lips as he looked away, “Jungkook…! Where is she?” Namjoon must have looked pathetic, his eyes pleading as he hurried to the counter where Jungkook shied away from him, straightening out some of the coffee canisters as he turned his back to Namjoon, “Hyung….I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He mumbled, somewhat meekly as he figidied.

Namjoon pressed his hands against the counter as his gaze hardened, “Is she not here?” Of course you weren’t here, he should’ve known you’d take the day off to avoid him. If the need to speak to you wasn’t imperative before it certainly was now, “Jungkook please, I just need to know.”

Jungkook pressed his lips together as he turned around, frowning as his big doe eyes searched his elder, unsure if you’d appreciate him spilling what had been going on. And truthfully it wasn’t his place either, Jungkook sighed as he spoke reluctantly, “It’s not you Hyung, it’s her...She knows that better than anyone. I won’t say anything because It’s not my story to tell...I’ll talk to her about it and if she says it’s okay I’ll let you know where she is. Okay?”

Namjoon could feel his lips tremble a little before lowering his head in defeat, Jungkook’s expression was serious and if this was the best he could get then he’d just have to take it, Namjoon felt pathetic and desperate but he just needed to see you. To at least know you were okay. Your expression wasn’t just shocked at the party...you looked devastated. He didn’t understand and he wanted to, he needed to so badly.

“Thanks Jungkook.” He muttered with a sigh as he rubbed the back of his head, his phone vibrated in his pocket for the fifth time, Seokjin had been blowing up his phone the whole morning, apologies and questions had been spammed and he supposed, he’d stop by the frat house and sulk.

Jungkook offered an apologetic smile as Namjoon sighed, trudging out the door in defeat as he stuffed his hands into his pockets, the frat house was a short walk from the cafe and he had spent the majority of the time trying to gather his thoughts into something comprehensible for his friend to dissect.

“You could’ve at least sent me a text!” Seokjin scolded as he opened his bedroom door letting Namjoon walk in, the bitter reminder of the same bed he had sat on not too long ago and let his emotions get the better of him. He couldn’t help himself though, he couldn’t stand watching you cry much less sob, and he had seen you in that state so many times. He just wanted to help, he wanted to make you feel better.

Seokjin frowned as he paused from his scolding at the way Namjoon dejected collapsed on his bed, walking over he searched the man’s empty expression as he sighed, “What did you do?”

“I ruined everything.” Namjoon sulked as he pressed his hands to his face, “I kissed her and she looked at me like I was a ghost. I asked Jungkook where she was but he won’t say anything.”

Seokjin hummed as he sat on the edge of the bed next to his friend, “Maybe she just needs time to sort out her feelings. I talked about it before but it’s pretty apparent now that she obviously has a lot going on, Namjoon.”

Namjoon knew that had to be the case, otherwise you’d already be apologizing when you didn’t even need too, right? You’d be trying to fix whatever that was last night, and hey, he’d rather have you as a friend then not at all. He loved talking to you, hearing your thoughts on life and the way you perceived the world.

When you first began talking, your world seemed dim, as if you filtered the world in only shades of grey. But the more you spoke and the longer things went on, the more Namjoon noticed you opened up, color began to flood into your world again in soft tones and smiles. He adored it.

“I just wish she’d let me help her.” Namjoon mumbled as he rubbed his eyes, “I hate seeing her cry, and I hate seeing her push me away, and it would be one thing if she didn’t like me, but you want to know the worst part Seokjin?”

Hurt quivered in his veins as he sat up, glaring down at the ground as he felt a bitter smile twist on his lips, “I can tell she does, why else would she want to talk to me after everything that’s happened? So why won’t she let herself just…! It’s so frustarting!”

Seokjin sighed, unable to help but feel a little bad for him, it was obvious somewhere down the line friendship and something more had become blurred, “I know man,” Seokjin consoled, “Just give it time. She’ll come around when she’s ready.

Three weeks.

That’s how long Namjoon had spent sulking, lectures he once listened to eagerly had become background noise, flavors seemed less vibrant and nothing was the same without you. By the sixteenth day mark he had almost given up, feeling despondent, he had stopped by the shop a few times only for Jungkook to shake his head in apology.

That was until today. Namjoon’s eyebrows shot up and his heartbeat felt like it was going to burst out of his chest, “Ah...well, we can go after I get off shift, if that’s okay?” Jungkook offered a small smile, happy to see his Hyung looking a little more upbeat then he had before. It was truly a sad sight not only seeing Namjoon but you look like kicked puppies the past few weeks.

“Yes! Yeah that’ll work…! Jungkook, thank you so much, you- you have no idea how much this means to me…!” Namjoon fumbled over his words, his smile bright and lit up, excited to see you again even if it was to just apologize over and over again.

Jungkook smiled a little as he shrugged, “I haven’t done anything, Noona is doing a lot better and she asked when I visited yesterday if you could come.”

Namjoon nodded taking in his information before pausing….visited? As in, at her house? He didn’t quite understand but regardless he was glad to hear you didn’t hate him, or at the very least you still wanted to talk to him. Namjoon would take almost anything you handed him now. Some may find it sad but he was desperate, for closure at least.

Sitting down on your bed you hummed, letting your fingers drag against the pages of the book you had been reading during quiet time for the past two weeks, Jimin and Jungkook visited you nearly every day for visitor hour but when you got the chance you’d try to read, like now.

Perhaps you were just trying to calm your nerves, you had asked Jungkook yesterday if you could see Namjoon...the past month had been...long...filled with tears and exhausting nights. You hated group therapy and the nurses constantly battled you when it came to any sort of physical activities. But as the weeks went on you reluctantly began to open up more, particularly during your singular therapy sessions, which helped the most.

‘Tell me Y/n, you said earlier that Taehyung was the most and loving man you ever met,’ you nodded at her words as she spoke, ‘And you have also said that you can’t allow yourself to fall in love because you’d of your fear of forgetting him.’

You looked at your lap as you didn’t comment, unable too, it felt good...to be able to just spill everything to someone who was listening objectively, your therapist wasn’t looking at you like a kicked puppy, her eyes weren’t dripping with pity, she simply was listening, ‘Yeah…’ you mumbled as you folded your hands together.

“Have you ever considered that, if Taehyung is truly as lovely as you describe him to be, that he’d genuinely want you to move on? That he would always want you to be happy? If he’s as kind as you say. Acceptance is never easy Y/n, especially when you’re grieving the love of your life.”

You hung your head as you felt your eyes water, a sniffle escaping you as she pushes the tissue box over to you as she gave a gentle smile, “But Taehyung would want you to be happy. I want us to target why you feel this guilt every time you try to open up to Namjoon,” She clicked her pen, “You’ve said in the past, you feel guilty because you feel as though Taehyung is judging you, but in reality Y/n, the only person who is judging you, is yourself. The only person who is stopping you from receiving this love, is you.”

Grabbing a tissue you wiped your eyes as you sniffled while shaking your head, unable to speak no matter how much you wanted too as she continued, “These things you’re talking about are symptoms of depression, the guilt you feel is your superego saying you don’t deserve to be loved because you would be betraying someone who is no longer here. This doesn’t make your feelings invalid, but,” She clacked her tongue, “I’d like us to work together to rein in the superego and get back to the root of your consciousness. On your own time, I’d like you to have Namjoon pay a visit and talk with him, but in the moments of doubt, when you’re mind is telling you to pull away or that you don’t deserve something, I want you to consciously and actively tell yourself that it’s okay to love again. It’s okay to move on, it’s okay to let someone else in’

‘What if I’m not ready to face him?” You sniffled, somewhat horrified at the idea of seeing Namjoon again, how could you ever face him after something so embarrassing?

‘You’ll never fully be ready to face someone Y/n,” She replied, ‘But the first step to letting go, in your case, is telling yourself, that it’s okay to be loved again. It’s okay that you’re exploring love again. The only way to accept your feelings and your loss is by moving on. Let yourself open up to Namjoon, tell him the reason your like this and it will make you feel a lot better.’

You weren’t sure if you were ready to see Namjoon but...you felt guilty, guilty for lashing out at him when he didn’t deserve anything and...your fist curled as you inhaled sharply ‘it’s okay to love again’ that’s what your therapist told you and told you to repeat to yourself anytime you were flooded with any feelings of guilt.

Leaning against the wall your fingers dragged along the line of words, trying to read but your mind wouldn’t focus. Jungkook would be here soon with Namjoon, your roommate, a young eighteen year old girl was out in the dining area with her boyfriend right now. She had been emitted by her parents due to her depression but she told you the only time she felt excitement was at six o’clock every day, knowing he’d be here.

Love really could heal, couldn’t it?

The knock on your door made you jump, the nurse Kang Min Soo opened the door, she was the one who shuffled you from activity to activity during the day, offering a small smile she said, “You have visitors Y/n.” Straightened a little you nodded as she opened the door, your heart beating wildly in your chest as your eyes first met with Jungkook who offered a gentle smile, the taller figure of Namjoon behind him, eyes curiously searching his surroundings before meeting yours.

Unable to hold his gaze you dropped it to your book, closing it as you set it on the bed, “Hey guys…” You mumbled, feeling a little shy as you shifted a little.

“I know you wanted to talk,” Jungkook hummed, looking a little brighter today then he had within the past weeks, “So I’ll give you both a few minutes. Jimin should be here in about fifteen minutes.” You nodded, murmuring a thank you as he nodded, offering a smile to the both of you before he exited, shutting the door.

It was quiet for a few seconds as you curled your knees into your chest, “...I’m really sorry…” You mumbled, feeling somewhat pathetic at being unable to even meet his gaze, Namjoon was still quiet and you weren’t sure if that was a good sign or not, “...I know I haven’t been the most transparent…”

The bed shifted a little as you glanced up meekly to see Namjoon sit down a good distance from you, looking a little careful in his expression before he suddenly blurted out, “There’s another guy...isn’t there?” He looked sullied all of a sudden, casting his expression on the ground, “You don’t have to tell me. It’s obvious you’re in love with someone else.”

“He’s dead.”

Namjoon’s gaze up shot so fast he could hardly process your words, his lips parting as he searched your broken expression, eyes watering as you laughed a little, a smile tugging on your lips as you continued, “Namjoon- I loved him, so much.” You glanced up at him sincerely as the tears trickled down your cheeks, the smile looked so bright yet so sad as you sniffed, “He was my soulmate.”

Closing your eyes you rubbed them as the wet substance stained your skin, “I’ll never forget that night. It was so stupid. Taehyung- he- he had worked overtime that day and got off shift late. Kept texting me saying how excited he was to get home and eat what I had made.” Your soft gaze became a fiery glare as you mumbled, “But by eleven he wasn’t home...and I waited...and waited...and then I began to get worried. It wasn’t until 11:30 that I got a call.”

Squeezing your eyes shut you forced a laugh, “It was an accident, a stupid fucking accident. Neither made it. The car pulled out too soon without enough time for him to stop, the car ended up flipped and they rushed him to the hospital, by the time I got there they had to rush him into surgery.”

It was quiet for a moment as tears streamed down your face, covering your sob with your mouth as you shook your head, “Three hours and I never even got to say goodbye. Jimin was against the wall in tears and I don’t even remember what the doctor told me. Just saw a glance of his body in the hospital bed before the door shut…. Sometimes I still wonder, if I had just told him to not worry about the extra hours, if he’d still be here. He would’ve listened, he’d do anything to make me happy…” Pressing your hands against your eyes you bit your lip to keep down the sob as you muttered, “But it doesn’t matter now, he’s gone…” Wiping your tears away you took a shaky breath, “I’ve been in denial, not wanting to accept reality for what it is. That he’s gone...that he’s...dead...that he isn’t coming back. When I kissed you,” You felt new tears already welling in your eyes as you lowered your head in shame, “You made me feel better, and I loved that feeling so much. But all I could imagine was him. It’s not your fault...you don’t deserve to be dragged along because of me.”

“Hey…” You covered your face as you felt arms wrap around you pulling you into a hug, you couldn’t help but crave the warmth of Namjoon, his steady heartbeat of still being alive, did it make you a sinner to crave his touch? “I...I’m so sorry Y/n, I had no idea...that was what you were going through.” He squeezed his arms around you as you curled against him, too weak to try and fight what you wanted so badly, “But I’m not going to leave you just because of this.”

Covering your eyes you tried to stifle your sob, guilt eating away at you at the idea of leading Namjoon on, he deserved to be loved by someone who could give him their all.

You couldn’t.

“Don’t cry,” Namjoon’s lips coiled endearingly, those dimples poking out as he tenderly stroked a hand through your hair soothingly, “We’ll get through this, and we can go as slow as you want. But I’m not going to leave you. Not now, not ever. Okay?”

He leaned down, pressing a kiss against your forehead as you closed your eyes, tears trickling down your face as you tried your best to push the toxic thoughts that invaded your mind away. Taehyung would want this, wouldn’t he? Right? Remembering what your therapist said you repeated the words mentally, it was okay to be loved again. It was okay to move on.

“Are you sure you really wanna try this?” You sniffed, rubbing the tears from your eyes as you looked up at him, lips quivering as you tried to smile, your mouth faltering as you choked out, “I’m a girl with a whole lot of baggage Namjoon.”

Namjoon let his hands cup your cheeks, his thumbs pushing away the tears as he gave you a soft reassuring smile, “We’ll get past this, okay? You’ll always be worth the wait.” He closed his eyes as he pressed his forehead against yours. You couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, closing your eyes as you felt the small smile tug on your lips.

Maybe...maybe you could get past this.

You had spent another two weeks at the mental institute before you had felt good enough to sign yourself out and try to pick up your life where you left off, the past month had been...interesting to say the least. Namjoon, much like Jungkook and Jimin, visited you every day.

Some days were good...others were not so much...But if you learned anything in therapy was to take things a step at a time. Your therapist thought it was wonderful that you had developed feelings for Namjoon, even if it didn’t feel that way. But she had encouraged you saying that it was a sign your heart was ready to move on and heal.

“I’m so glad you’re back Noona!”

Right now however, you were trying to push Jungkook’s large figure away from you, damn why does this kid have to be so strong? Jungkook was practically like a little boy, running around in excitement when he saw you were put back on your work schedule and has since hugged you for three minutes straight when you walked in, “Jungkook we saw each other Friday.” You complained.

“Yeah but…! You were in ugly scrubs yesterday and your hair was really greasy,” Jungkook gave you a sheepish grin as you glared at him before pushing him away as he whined, “Besides! It’s your first day back at work!” He clapped his hands, “And you look a lot better! Not as tired anymore, did you sleep well?”

You sighed as you finished tying your apron, unable to stop the small smile tugging on your lips, Jungkook used to be a lot more reserved in what questions he asked, but having since visited you every day it seems those barriers have long past melted, “Yes, I’ve been sleeping a lot better, but it’s probably because of the medicine I’ve been prescribed to help.” Your smile felt a little weak, but regardless, at least you were sleeping.

And truthfully, you did feel somewhat, renewed. Like you were no longer strapped to a heavy weight and sinking to the bottom of the ocean. You weren’t sure how to describe it, but you felt lighter these days. Of course you wouldn’t deny how much your being still ached for the man you once loved. You still saw Taehyung in the colors that painted the walls, in the sea you always drove past on your way to work.

But everything seemed so far away now, as if the life you had with Taehyung was just a fuzzy dream. Sometimes late at night you wondered if it was real at all. Yesterday had been painful no doubt, when you arrived home the first thing you did was throw away all of Taehyung’s old clothes you had been keeping. Even his old favorite shirt you always wore to bed. Just the memory almost made your eyes well with tears but you contained yourself.

Clothes were just clothes, and they wouldn’t make Taehyung come back, would they?

“Well at least the medicine is helping Noona, sleep is sleep you can’t be picky.” Jungkook was buzzing in happiness before his eyes darted to the girl who was standing at the cash register ready to order, flitting over he began to take her order as you peered from behind. Snorting at the way she flirtatiously smiled and Jungkook fumbled, ears going red as he looked away and rang up her order.

You couldn’t help but smile as you began working on her flat white, “She likes you.” You stated as Jungkook leaned against the counter, crossing his arms as you began to laugh, watching the way his cheeks lit up like little tomatoes.

“So!? I’m not interested in her.” He mumbled defensively as you clacked your tongue, shaking your head as you set her coffee down at the end of the counter. Of course cupid only liked playing in your love life. As if the universe heard your thoughts the doorbell chimed as your gaze shot up. Two all too familiar figures walked in, well the other bounced in excitement, “Hey guys! It’s good to see you back Y/n! How have you been?” Hoseok practically flew to the counter in excitement. Given his words you doubt he knew what you had been up too but you appreciated the sentiment regardless, offering a small smile as you shrugged, “Just needed a break to clear my head. I’m doing good. Word is you finally bagged someone.”

Hoseok’s lips parted before he prominently closed them, his cheeks looking red before the door to the back suddenly opened, Yoongi looking around before Hoseok flailed a little, “What!? W-who told you that…?” You looked between them as you raised your brows, unable to keep the smile off your face.

“Awh, gay is okay guys. You don’t have to be shy.” You could hear Jungkook trying to cover his snort as he turned away to grab the convenient tray of pastries from Yoongi who suddenly looked perturbed and embarrassed, his ears were red as he mumbled something before quickly pushing back into the back room. Hoseok puckering his lips before he caved, a bright smile on his lips as he leaned over, “Hey…you mind if I go back there?” You snorted as you waved your hand.

“Knock yourself out. Just don’t cum all over the stove.” “Y/n!” “Sorry!”

You laughed as Hoseok sped around the counter and bolted into the backroom as you shook your head. At least some things changed for the better over the month you had been gone. Shaking your head you hummed, “Someone looks like they’re in a good mood.” His words made your lips tug into a smile as you turned to face Namjoon who had been passively watching the whole situation unfold.

“You don’t know how long I’ve watched them pine for one another,” You replied, looking down as you wiped down the counter to try and keep your gaze from meeting his, it was weird, this warm burning sensation that tickled your insides, it almost felt like butterflies, “It’s nice to see them finally admit it. So are you just here to watch the gays or are you gonna order something?” You looked up, a weird half smile quirked on your lips and you probably looked stupid.

Namjoon leaned down against the counter as he shrugged, a smile on his lips and those pretty dimples on display, “What should I get?”

These feelings, constantly repeating to yourself that they were okay, it was all so new. It was hard not to get flustered at his innocent words as you turned to look at the menu before shrugging, “Well you like tea, what about Tropic Blossom? It’s main notes are orange blossom and hibiscus so it’s naturally sweet unless you want stevia in it?” You turned back to face him only to awkwardly look away, feeling your face begin to burn at the way he was looking at you.

It wasn’t provocative or anything sensual, but his eyes were lit up in a warm glow and his lips were constantly curved upwards in a smile, “Sure, with a chocolate scone too! Hey do you think you could convince Yoongi to make blueberry scones?”

You rang up Namjoon as you snorted, curving a brow with an amused look before replying, “You could’ve got one back in spring if you had just come with Hoseok earlier. He doesn’t take requests though so no.”

“Not even for me? Come on, you could convince him.” Namjoon leaned in a little, his lips quirking into a smirk as he hummed, “Just once.” You turned away from him as you tried to ignore the way your face burned. Jungkook had a shit eating grin on his face as he minded his own business, or at least he pretended to as he began making the Tropic Blossom.

“Just once Noona?” He couldn’t help himself as he gave you patronizing puppy eyes as you glared at him before he snickered, you shoved his shoulder though he hardly budged as you huffed.

“I will, in the spring.” You clacked your tongue as you tried to control the smile that tugged on your lips as you leaned down as you pulled out the scone, placing it on the plate as you set up the napkin, “Until then you’re just gonna have to live with chocolate.” You stood up, looking up at his figure as you felt a smile tug on your lips once more as you handed him his plate.

“Can I take you somewhere tonight?”

Your eyebrows shot up at his abrupt words, Jungkook set his tea down as he immediately spoke for you, “She’d love to- Ow!” You jammed your elbow into his rib as he squeaked, suddenly looking at you with sullied eyes like a kicked puppy as he trailed back to the register where a small line had formed.

Take you somewhere…? Like a date…? You weren’t sure if that’s what he meant but...you felt a little at war with yourself, you knew you should be excited but, “Only if you want to,” Namjoon could immediately sense the shift in your demeanor, offering a small smile, “Remember what I said? We can take this at your pace.”

Well...he was right, you could always head home early if things took an odd turn or...the guilt had faded but you couldn’t help but feel like you were doing something wrong, mustering a smile you nodded, “It’s fine! I get off work at seven though…”

“Perfect! It’s nothing special,” Namjoon’s smile brightened as he held his cup up, “I’ll see you after work then…” He tipped his drink to you as he gave it a sip, the doors to the backroom suddenly swinging up as you whirled around.

“What did I say Hoseok?” You couldn’t help the amusement you felt at the sight of Hoseok’s ruffled hair and the suspicious bruises on his neck that were absolutely hickies, he sent you a semi embarrassed and unappreciative look as he replied, “Just get my sugar glaze pastry…”

You couldn’t stop the shit eating grin on your face as you and Jungkook exchanged looks before ringing him up, “And a cumin shot to go?” His glare was worth the joke.

The rest of the day had come and gone, some hours slow and others fast, Jungkook and you would often go bug Yoongi when things were slow- well it was mainly Jungkook, but you were glad to be back. Things almost seemed...normal?

Was this what life was really like before....you felt a small lump in your throat form. Before Taehyung? The ache in your heart was still there, but it was no longer the force that would always cause you to topple. Maybe this was the worst part of it all.

The fact that the once beautiful life you had with Taehyung was over now. You felt a smile tug on your lips and your eyes gloss a little, but for the first time, it wasn’t out of sadness. But happiness, that at the very least, you had Taehyung in your life for as long as you did. Some things just weren’t meant to be. In this lifetime at least.

Taking a deep breath you pulled yourself from your thoughts as you finished cleaning the counters, Jungkook had already finished taking out all the old pastries and Yoongi had finished cleaning up the back, “You ready to go Noona?” Jungkook called out as he untied his apron.

“Yeah, gimme a second.” You called back as you tossed your rag into the sink, walking over to the coat rack as you untied your own apron. You glanced out the shop door to see a familiar figure standing out front waiting as you looked back down, suddenly feeling semi embarrassed.

Jungkook and Yoongi were exchanging glances and you could tell on both of their faces they thought this was both endearing and hilarious, all it took was one glare from you to keep them both from spouting any kind of bullshit.

Wrapping your jacket around yourself you snuggled up against the warm fabric that fought against the cold air as you walked outside, offering a meek smile to Namjoon who’s eyes lit up at the sight of you, “Hey…” You murmured, trying to calm your heart rate that spiked rapidly for no reason.

Keeping his hands inside his coat pocket Namjoon greeted you with a brighter smile, “Hey, are you ready to go?” You gave a small nod as you began walking beside him. The sun setting and the air was getting colder at night these days, soon autumn would be here and color would flourish in all the trees.

Warily, you couldn’t help but feel a small part of yourself that was…looking forward to autumn. It was always a welcomed time of year for you, when cinnamon was strong in the air and you could bake anything with apples in it. Bundling up next to a small campfire and the only time you could wear flannel without feeling self conscious.

“Where are we going?” You asked softly as you glanced up at Namjoon who peered down at you with a small playful smile, as if he wasn’t going to answer, but he thought it was cute you’d ask regardless.

“Somewhere.” Namjoon’s smile became bigger as he watched the pout quirk on your lips as you hummed, looking back out at the darkening sky, “It’s nothing special, just something I like doing when I have the next day off.” You tilted your head in curiosity as to where he was taking you.

You only felt more confused when you stood at the gates of the park, turning to look at Namjoon as you felt a smile curl on your lips, unsure of what to make of this, “Not even a hint?”

“Well,” Namjoon drawled, pressing his lips together briefly in thought before smiling once more, “We’ll be sitting down. I can’t say anything without giving it away.”

Sitting down? There was a playground here, would you be sitting on the swings? You hadn’t done that in a long time, but much to your surprise Namjoon walked right past only for your eyes to set on a blanket that looked to already be spread out and a...telescope? Namjoon sat down as he gestured at you with a laugh, “What’s with that expression?”

“Nothing!” You hurriedly replied, sitting down on the other side of the blanket, “I just…” You looked around before looking up at the sky, lips parting a little only to notice the dark sky blanketed with bright stars, “Didn’t expect this…” You murmured as your eyes darted from star to star, it was a clear night, perfect for stargazing, how long had it been since you even looked up?

Had you truly forgotten the stars existed before this moment?

Namjoon’s expression was warm as he gestured you over, “They look even better up close, you can see Pisces from here.” Leaning down you peeped through the lense as Namjoon guided the telescope as you let out a little gasp, “Oh! I think I see it!” You zoomed the lense out a little bit as you pressed your lips together, “Wait, I don’t think that’s it.”

You had never been good with astronomy but...something about Namjoon laughing softly as you straightened up, something about the way he passionately pointed to each constellation, the way the deep midnight sky melted between the flicks of white that all seemed so...alive…

You really liked this.

You must’ve spent the whole night, looking at the stars laying down, talking about whatever came to mind, you couldn’t take your eyes off the sky for hardly a second. It truly was beautiful.

“Hey, Y/n.” You hummed as Namjoon spoke up softly, “Do mind, if I ask...about him…” You stiffened a little, your dreamy gaze snapping to Namjoon, more awake now then you had been all evening.

As if noticing the semi spooked expression Namjoon quickly added, “Only if you’re up to it...I’m sure it isn’t easy to talk about it...But I just…” He seemed a little self conscious as his eyes flickered back to the sky, “I just wanted to know about him, what he was like, what did you do together.”

You felt a weak smile tug on your lips before closing your eyes, the night sky was no longer in your vision, but it was the warmth of your old home, the apartment you shared with Taehyung, his face which you hadn’t seen in so long was so clear, “He was…” You trailed off for a second before you felt your eyes water as a smile tugged on your lips, “Childish,” You laughed, memories of his pouty expression whenever you reprimanded him, “Playful definitely…” You sniffed as you wiped your eyes, the way he’d smirk and grab you by the waist, murmuring less than appropriate things in your ear, “God he was…” Opening your eyes you laughed again while shaking your head, “Everything I could’ve ever wanted. He made me see colors that don’t exist, noise became music, clouds weren’t just particles anymore,” Tears trickled down your face as you smiled, looking up at the stars, “He told me they were god’s canvas that he painted on every day. Taehyung, he saw beauty in everything.”

You paused as your smile slowly faded, closing your eyes as the pain washed over you, the dull ache in your heart returned as you rubbed your eyes of the tears you had shed, “It’s just…” You felt pathetic, still crying, still missing what once was, “Hard to believe it’s all over, y’know?”

You felt fingers tug at your hair before gently combing through as you covered your mouth, trying to stifle down the sobs that bubbled in your throat, “He sounds like a one of a kind.” Namjoon offered a small smile as you turned to face him, rubbing the warm tears from your face as you felt a smile tug on your lips.

“He was terrible! He’d start singing trot off tune and he always made such a fucking mess in the kitchen without cleaning it up!” Memories flashed by in your mind, flour all over the floor and Taehyung's voice low and raspy as he’d cough while trying to sing, the large boxy smile he’d give when you’d wake up to breakfast already made, “And he always left his clothes all over the floor because he never did laundry because he knew i’d do it for him if he waited long enough.”

“Oh? And how bad were the road trips?” Namjoon’s lips were tugged in a soft smile, laying on his side to look at you as his fingers tangled against your roots.

“Don’t even get me started,” You both laughed as continued, “Jazz was always a must and it was so boring to listen to for five hours straight and he always bought too many snacks! We went camping one time and...god!” You let out a breathy laugh, “Never again, we forgot to bring bug repellent in the middle of the most humid time of the year and apparently there was like this- retreat? For nudists at the campgrounds at the time and they kept coming over asking if we wanted to take LSD with them and it ended up raining the whole time!”

Namjoon was snorting out a laugh, humored as he asked, “What did you guys do? I don’t think I can imagine my camping neighbors as nudists.”

“We had rented out this shitty old camper van so we could keep all of our supplies in the back but, after a long day of being miserable and arguing half the time we packed up and intended on leaving,” You closed your eyes as your fingers traced against the soft blanket, “But when we were driving back we ended up taking a wrong turn and found a cliff side camping spot that was just gorgeous. So we ended up clearing out the back of the van and setting up a ton of blankets and pillows and we enjoyed the view.”

You could still feel the hard car floorboard against your body with just a few blankets for comfort, curled up against Taehyung with his arms wrapped around you looked out over the valley, that awful weekend ended up being one of your favorite memories, “We turned off our phones, worked through our problems, shared laughs and ate those stupid hostess powdered donuts, and he said it. That first I love you.”

Tears dripped down your face as you forced yourself to pause, you hated doing this to Namjoon, who obviously held back saying those same words, why was he even doing this to himself? He couldn’t have actually wanted to hear about him. You could see the way his heart always crumbled with every tear you cried, “I miss him so much. I’m sorry.” You whispered in overwhelm, memories you had forgotten resurfacing and you pressed your hands into your face.

“Shhh,” You were pulled against Namjoon, his arms comfortingly wrapped around you as he held you close, “It’s okay to miss him.”

-----

“I’m gonna hurt the roots if I just rip it out!”

You curved a brow as you snorted, Namjoon looked utterly distressed as he attempted to repot his newest set of flowers, mums in shades of deep burnt orange and burgundy, perfect for autumn, “The roots are overgrown!” You argued, “We’re gonna have to cut them down to put less stress on the plants for the love of god just listen to me!”

You pushed the powdered donut into your mouth before sitting down with him on the wooden picnic table, “Who’s the expert here?”

“You.” Namjoon unenthusiastically hmphed as he rolled his eyes, but curiously peered down at your hands that pushed down through the soil, carefully extracting the small square of mums as you swallowed the large clump of donut, “Alright we gotta clip these before you can repot them, it’ll promote more growth and they won’t die as quick.”

“It just seems…” Namjoon watched warily as you clipped the roots with zero hesitation, “...Counter intuitive. Isn’t this like ripping out their lungs?”

You snorted again, turning to look at him as you pouted animatedly, “Awh you think plants feel? I mean if you wanna get that graphic it’s more like...shaving their lungs…” You watched Namjoon’s nose crinkle in dismay as you laughed, “Seriously though, they won’t get as much nourishment from the soil if you just keep this big ass clump. Root pruning is kind of essential when you’re repotting store bought plants.”

“Alright but if my flowers die-”

“Which they won't.” You handed him the pruners as you gave him a cheeky smile, “Well go on, they won’t trim themselves.” You grabbed the bag of mini donuts before plopping another into your mouth, as you inhaled sharply. It was such a beautiful day out, the sun was shining and clouds big and fluffy.

It was the perfect day to be outside, which is why you were sitting on the picnic table that was one of many sitting outside behind your apartment building. Things with Namjoon have been...good...they’ve been great. It’s been nearly a month of consistently seeing one another, hanging out.

The pain is still there but, it’s gradually faded with time, you still go see your therapist once a week to talk over things in hopes of not pouring too much out onto Namjoon who was always so patient and kind. You frequented the park at night with him to stargaze and planting and taking care of any greenery had become a thing with you both.

You weren’t sure what it was but, being able to be open and honest about your past relationship with Taehyung, being able to talk about your adventures together, the things you loved and annoyed you about him. Somehow having Namjoon earnestly listen to it all brought you closer to him. You felt safe with him, like he’d wipe your every tear away.

You really didn’t deserve him.

Your fists curled in frustration having not caught the words in your mind. Your therapist had been really getting on you as of late to try and redirect your thoughts to more positive affirmations anytime you mentally said you didn’t deserve him. Like...you deserved to have his kindness in your life.

You could even step into the art museum now without much fear, only because Namjoon loved art and he often contemplated his love of philosophy alongside it. You really were thankful for him. But you couldn’t help but notice something lingering…something you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

“So I was thinking.” Namjoon hummed, his eyes purposely looking down at the soil that crumbled beneath his fingers as he pruned the roots carefully, “Why not attend that gala tonight? For Modernism?”

You tilted your head as you shoved another donut in your mouth, “Gala?” Your voice was muffled as you chewed before swallowing, “I thought you said it was stupid because they should’ve chosen to represent Baroque?” He had done things like this in the past before, it would be one thing if you were an art person and he was doing it for you, but you weren’t.

Namjoon looked a little apprehensive as he shrugged, gaining your attention more as his eyes stayed on the mums, “Well...I know you both used to like doing...you know, things like that…” He mumbled, making your mouth fall open. Oh...oh no…! You were afraid of something like this happening.

“Namjoon,” Your lips tugged into a pout, your voice gaining his attention as he peeked up a little, obviously embarrassed when he shouldn’t be, grabbing the plant from him tenderly you set it into the pot before grabbing his soil covered hands, his eyes anywhere but yours, “Those were things me and him liked to do Namjoon…”

“I- I just…” Namjoon fumbled a little, “I know you miss doing those things so…”

Your expression twisted sadly, had you said too much to him about Taehyung? You didn’t want Namjoon to feel insecure about your relationship...not that you were together but...things were obviously headed in that direction, weren’t they?

“I don’t miss doing those things Namjoon, I miss it because it was with him,” You watched the way he frowned, his shoulder’s slumping as he stared down at the table, “And you aren’t him. And I don’t want you to be him,” His gaze suddenly shot up to your expression that hardened, “Namjoon I don’t want to live in the past trying to make old memories new again when we already have something. I wanna create new memories that are just as happy,” You felt a little shy as you looked away, “With you, and with the things we like to do together. So don’t worry about it, let’s just stick with a plans to go to the park tonight, besides didn’t you say a meteor shower was happening,”

You were casual in your words, trying to play off your heartfelt confession on not wanting him to compare himself to your old lover, that wasn’t the kind of relationship you wanted and it wouldn't be Namjoon if he did things the way Taehyung did. They were two very different men with similar hobbies but for vastly different reasons, but you’d always love them both.

Wait…

“Draconids, but it’ll be a boring show. They say there’s only five meteors an hour” Namjoon smiled, his chin resting against his arm as he gave you a dopey smile making you laugh as you shook your head. His fingers playing with yours as you replied, “I’d rather be there then at a stuffy art gala.”

“Noona! Hyung! Oh did we interrupt?”

You clacked your tongue in annoyance as your hand, still intertwined with Namjoon’s dropped to table to see both Jungkook and Jimin waving, “No you didn’t, asshole!” You added as you yelled back, watching both Jimin and Jungkook belt out with laughter as a smile tugged on your lips.

It was originally planned as just a lunch outside but you and Namjoon had made more plans on top of that.

Jimin waved the bag of takeout he had gotten for everyone as they both sat down, grabbing the towel that was laid out Namjoon wiped his hands along yours as he groaned, “Ah I’m starving, why did it take you guys so long?”

“No reason,” Jungkook hummed, sounding oddly...content…? Your furrowed your brows as you looked between them both, Jimin’s eyes immediately shooting down to the bag of food as he coughed loudly, “Here’s your kebabs you wanted.”

You ignored whatever subtext was lingering in the air at the sight of you lamb kebabs, hands immediately sticking out with a smile, “Thank you!” When was the last time you had enjoyed food like this?

You could feel the warm rays of sunshine on your face and the cool breeze that passed over your body occasionally, was this what it was like to feel again? It was hard to keep Namjoon’s bright gaze that looked more and more like love these days, the way he’d just stare at you with that small smile and those dimples of his. You supposed, these days, maybe you really could fall in love with someone else.

And after all...that’s what Taehyung would want, wouldn’t it? Something continuously held you back though and...suddenly everything became so clear, you knew exactly what you needed to do. And you knew you didn’t need to do it alone. Watching Jungkook and Jimin bid their farewell after lunch your throat became dry as your heartbeat became faster.

“Namjoon,” You asked before you convinced yourself maybe this wasn’t as good of an idea as you thought it was.

He hummed, turning to face you, that bright smile on his lips again as he listened endearingly, somehow making it harder to speak and had the sun always been this hot? “...Would you mind going with me...to visit him?”

Namjoon’s pupils widened a little and his lips parted as if not expecting those words, he sincerely took a moment to ponder them and you appreciated more then if had unwillingly said yes, after a moment he gave you another reassuring smile as he grabbed your hands, “Of course Y/n.” You felt relieved as you gave a small smile in return, you knew exactly what you needed to do.

It wasn’t until the evening that you went to the flower shop, grabbing a small bouquet of tiger lilies before walking towards the cemetery, Namjoon doing a double take when you shyly grabbed his hand. Touches were innocent still, hand holding still new and it was admittedly welcomed.

The sunset was vivid today and it seemed just like yesterday you had rejected Namjoon’s offer for lunch in turn to come here, had that really been three months ago? You looked up at his figure that was looking ahead as a smile tugged on your lips.

The cemetery looked as it always did, serene, carefully walking in the passage ways and making sure to not step onto any graves you paused at the willow tree. Your heart still squeezed as you glanced down.

Kim Taehyung

1995 - 2018

‘For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream’

Sitting down you pulled out the rag you had packed, gently wiping off his gravestone as your eyes waters, a soft smile tugging on your lips as your fingers traced against the engraved name, “Oh there’s so many things I wish I could tell you Tae.” You murmured softly, closing your eyes as the tears slid down, the smile still on your face as you sat back, placing the flowers down as an arm comfortingly wrapped around you.

Sniffing you wiped your eyes as you leaned against Namjoon, your head resting against his shoulder as you closed your eyes, “I’ve struggled for so long to let you go. To let myself be okay with letting you go.” You could imagine Taehyung’s face, his dark locks of hair covering his eyebrows and his soft smile, hands cupping your cheeks, “And I’ll always love you. But I know you wouldn’t want me to go on the way I had been…So I’ve come here to say goodbye I suppose.”

There was an ache in your jaw and your heart throbbed with that familiar dull ache, Namjoon’s head laying on top of yours as he pressed a kiss against your hair, “You’ll always be with me, and I’ll always cherish the time I had with you. But it’s time that I let myself be happy again. I know you understand. So thank you for...everything. And leading me to the person I belong with now.”

You squeezed your eyes shut as the tears trickled down your cheeks, pressing into Namjoon’s shoulder, even despite your tears you felt, at peace? As if this was meant to be, accepting things for what they were, and that no, you weren’t completely over Taehyung, but this was a good start to letting him go fully.

Namjoon wrapped his arms around you as you sniffled, scooting against him as you curled up against the warmth he radiated, “I promise I’ll take care of her,” He spoke softly, a gentle smile on his lips as he looked down at your curled up figure, knowing this couldn’t be easy for you to do, “I know we never met, but thank you for making her happy. And I’ll continue to do the same.” He pressed another kiss against your head as he rested his head a top of yours once more.

Sniffles escaped you as the wind blew through the trees, a soft rustle being the only noise outside your tears as the willow tree swayed in contentment. And if you really wanted to reach, maybe this was Taehyung’s spirit giving his blessing.

For the first time, leaving the cemetery was like a breath of relief, it was as if you had learned to walk on your own for the first time in a very long time. The sun had already set and hand in hand with Namjoon you both walked to the park where you set out the blanket as the moon rose.

“Thanks by the way,” You turned to face Namjoon in confusion as he offered a small shy smile, “For taking me to visit him today. I know it wasn’t easy to do.” Your heart felt like it was doing little backflips as you crawled out to snuggle up against him, for the first time, craving his touch against you.

“Of course, but I’m ready to focus on us.” You still felt a little shy yourself but you wanted more than anything to get to know Namjoon, he knew everything there was to know about you by now in terms of your past relationship. There was an unquenchable inferno inside you that wanted to know everything you could about this man.

Laying down curled up against him Namjoon let his fingers tenderly run against your hair as he whispered, “I’m okay with that.” Your heart for the first time felt content, warm and fuzzy, all the hurt and all the tears you had spent crying felt like just a distant memory in the arms of your lover now.

Your eyes felt lost in the inky blue sky above the were speckles with stars that gleamed brightly, and there it was the first meteor that passed making you squeak in excitement, Namjoon smiled as he looked down at your expression that seemed so excited at the flashes of light that streaked across the sky.

Glancing at the sky Namjoon was surprised at the next few meteors that passed, and a few more before they came in dozens and dozens and soon the whole sky was lit up in light and the stars the seemed so muted before looked like gems that danced across the sky, light blues mixed with deepers shades of indigo and the streaks of white painted across the sky as he whispered, “This only happens once every few hundred years, where hundreds appear in the sky.”

Namjoon couldn’t look at the rare sight in the sky though, not when he could look at your eyes that reflected the whole sky in them, all the stars that surfed in your gaze and your lips open in awe at the sight and for the first time in his life, he understood what that saying meant.

‘For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream’

Namjoon would never leave your side for a single second, he pledged to himself, you’d both get through this together and you’d build a strong relationship. And he’d cherish you just as much as Kim Taehyung did, he’d devote his whole life to you if needed.”

“Namjoon,” Your eyes looked dreamy while you turned to face him, he seemed distant as he stared at you as you gave a bashful smile, for the first time able to say what you always felt, “I love you.”

#bts #kim namjoon #namjoon #namjoon x reader #namjoon x y/n #namjoon angst #bts angst #namjoon imagine #taehyung angst #kim taehyung #taehyung x reader #im so sorry yall #this is sad as hell

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erin-bo-berin · 4 years

Text

Enemies Closer

MASTERLIST

Happy smutty Spencer Saturday! This fic has been hidden in the depths of my brain for way too long. I knew I wanted to do an enemies to lover fic for a while but didn’t have much more for it until recently. The title comes from the famous saying “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”.

I want to say a big thank you to all of my followers who sent in quips, jabs and bantery remarks. I tried to use them all because they were all so wonderful. Thank you to @dreatine @andiebeaword @sammy-jo1977 @redbullchick and the numerous anons who contributed. Also a big thank you to @multifandommandy for coming up with the idea of the reader interviewing the little girl, it really helped move the story along and add to it. I appreciate all your ideas and help 💕

Okay, enjoy the 10k words of sassy, smutty Spencer Reid. Happy reading!

Spencer Reid/Reader

Rating: M (smut)

Word Count: 10,088

Spencer was walking back to his desk when he heard JJ’s voice.

“Really? When?”

There was a pause on her end of the phone conversation. She looked up and saw Spencer, immediately waving him over.

Spencer’s interest was piqued. He wondered what was going on, especially since there was a huge grin on her face. He approached her desk just as JJ spoke again.

“That sounds great, mom. I can’t wait.”

Spencer smiled. JJ and her mom were extremely close and he always looked forward to her visits—she made the best triple chocolate chip cookies he’d ever tasted. He opened his mouth to tell her to say hi from him, when she practically read his mind.

“By the way Spencer says hi.”

JJ shot him a wink, grinning at the fact that she knew him well enough to know exactly what he was about to say. He chuckled to himself. They definitely were close enough to know what one another was thinking.

“Sounds good. See you then. Bye.”

JJ hung up her phone, turning in her chair to face him fully.

“Is your mom coming to visit?”

“She is,” JJ smiled, “And she’s bringing your favorite triple chocolate chip cookies.”

“Bless that woman,” he chuckled.

“There’s also something else,” JJ trailed off nervously, a flicker of worry in her blue eyes.

“What?”

“Y/N’s visiting too...and she’s kinda stuck with me, or well us for the next week. So if we get a case, she’s coming with us.”

Spencer groaned loudly.

“Why?”

“Mom has a business seminar in downtown D.C. and you know Will took the boys to Disney World this week. I’m not going to make her sit at home alone for a week.”

“Why? It would be for the greater good of humanity. I’ll even be willing to chip in for a hotel room for her,” Spencer said, hoping JJ would actually take him up on the offer, “Particularly one across the country.”

“Spencer,” JJ eyed him warily, “Emily already said it was okay. She knows to stay out of the way while we work.”

“Yet she’s always in my way.”

“Spence, she’s not that bad. Why do you hate her so much?” she asked.

“Last time she visited she “accidentally” spilled an entire pot of coffee on my favorite work shirt!” Spencer protested.

“Just like you “accidentally” locked her in an interrogation room?” JJ raised a brow.

Yeah, that hadn’t been his finest moment. But she had driven him crazy that day.

“She wandered in there on her own. I was just helping the situation along,” he shrugged innocently.

“You’re lucky she didn’t burn the building down,” JJ mumbled.

“Yeah, well, she pushed me to my limit that day. Sorry.”

“What is it with you two? You fight worse than her and I ever did.”

“She’s annoying, rude and drives me crazy. I honestly can’t believe she’s your sister, let alone related to you. JJ, you know I love you, but I just can’t stand her. We’re just two completely different people that probably will never get along.”

“Alright, alright,” JJ held her hands up in defeat, “At least try to be on your best behavior?”

“No promises,” he grumbled.

“Hey, look at it this way. At least you get cookies,” she stood, patting his arm before walking away.

He was positive even cookies wouldn’t make up for this.

•

“Y/N while you’re here, can you please try to be nice to your sister’s coworkers?”

You suppressed a groan.

You were currently in the elevator with your mother at the FBI in Quantico, riding up the numerous floors to the Behavioral Analysis Unit, where your sister JJ worked. In your arms were a stack of containers, filled with sweets your mom had made for the team.

There were her famous triple chocolate chip cookies made with milk, dark and white chocolate chips, some apple cobbler, cupcakes and even a strawberry pie. JJ’s team were suckers for Sandy Jareau’s delicacies.

“Mom, I love the team. They’re like extended family, you know that.”

“You know what I mean.”

Your mom gave you a look that you swore only mothers could perfect. It was partly calling out your bullshit and part disciplinary all at the same time. It was amazing, really, 29 years old and you were still getting the “you better not act out” look from her. What were you, eight?

“I mean that lovely Dr. Reid. You’re always so mean to him.”

“He starts it.”

Okay, maybe you were eight.

“Y/N.”

The warning tone in her voice was all you needed to keep your mouth shut.

“All I’m saying is I don’t want another call from JJ saying you’ve gotten locked in an interrogation room and almost got arrested for assaulting a FBI agent.”

“Okay that was one time!” you said, exasperated, “Granted, it wasn’t my finest hour. But still. It’s not like I’m that bad all the time.”

“Really?” your mom looked at you, all knowingly, “What about that one time at JJ’s housewarming party?”

“I swear I didn’t glue his shoes to the floor!”

In your defense, that had been Derek Morgan, back when he was still working in the FBI, prior to his resignation. Of course though, no one believed that he had done it, apparently including your mother.

“Whether you did it or not, that’s not the point. You would’ve done it given the opportunity.”

You couldn’t deny that.

“Just don’t stress JJ out any more than she is. She said when the two of you are fighting it’s like trying to corral two feisty chihuahuas.”

You sighed, defeated.

“I’ll try to be on my best behavior mom.”

“Thank you. That’s all I ask.”

The elevator dinged, alerting you that you’d arrived at your designated floor and the metal doors slid open to reveal your sister and of course, Spencer.

Spencer Reid, the biggest nemesis of your entire life.

He was absolutely infuriating.

Tall, imposing, three PhDs, IQ of 187, Doctor Spencer Reid. That’s right, he wasn’t just Agent Reid, he was Dr. Reid. It was eye roll inducing.

He was a know-it-all, quite literally. If anyone said something even the slightest bit wrong, he didn’t hesitate to correct them. A person could breathe wrong and he’d probably correct that.

He constantly spewed facts. That was annoying enough in itself. You had no idea how JJ put up with it. But then again she was best friends with the guy. That blew your mind enough in itself.

If he wasn’t so annoying, he might actually be attractive. With a stature of over six feet, he was lean but without being a beanpole. His light brown curls always looked like he’d just rolled out of bed and/or never taken a brush to his hair. His eyes were definitely interesting though. You could never tell if they were brown, green or maybe even hazel.

Not that you’d been paying that close of attention. Nor did you care.

He had significantly more facial hair than the last time you’d seen him. Not a bad look for him, you had to give him that.

JJ once told you that a college class he’d taught for two weeks was filled with nothing but young girls auditing his course. She said it had confused Spencer. It confused you too cause you didn’t see how he was that attractive. He was kinda cute, if you liked the whole snobby, genius who doesn’t brush his hair, smartass type.

Oddly enough, you’d known him for half your life, yet couldn’t recall how or when you started hating him. It just seems like it had been that way all along, when in fact, it hadn’t.

“Mom! Y/N!” JJ exclaimed, grinning wide.

You felt a burst of happiness in your chest. You’d missed your sister. Despite the 11 year age difference, you guys were close growing up.

You were still a baby when your older sister Rosalyn had committed suicide, so you didn’t remember much about her, sadly. It was really hard on JJ as she was the one to find her. But as she’d told you much later, you’d helped her grieve. Reliving memories and keeping Rosalyn’s memory alive in sharing stories with you helped her heal after such a traumatic situation. It was often that you’d wished you’d had the chance to know your oldest sister, but with her death came an impenetrable close bond between you and JJ.

JJ immediately wrapped her arms around your mother, hugging her tight. You gave a nod of your head, your arms too full to be able to hug her at the moment.

“I’ll just go put these in the briefing room,” you said.

You turned, aiming to head through the glass doors of the BAU’s entrance, but instead ran right into Spencer.

“Here, I got it,” he took several of the boxes out of your arms so you could see properly again, “If only to save you from injuring anyone else.”

“My knight in shining armor,” you muttered sarcastically.

“Watch where you’re going next time.”

“You watch where you’re going. Besides, I didn’t need your help,” you retorted.

“Obviously, you did,” Spencer mumbled, following you through the doors.

You hadn’t even made it all the way through the entrance when you heard your mom and JJ sigh in unison. You heard JJ’s words loud and clear, as well.

“They’re already bickering less than five minutes in. Must be a new record.”

It kinda was. Usually, the two of you managed to avoid each other until the inevitable crossing of paths occurred. Today, though, you both had started in, right off the bat.

You placed the numerous arrays of desserts on the round table, knowing by tomorrow they’d pretty much all be gone.

“You’re welcome for the help,” Spencer snarked, setting down the few containers he’d carried.

You couldn’t help it, you rolled your eyes.

“I didn’t ask for it. So there’s no reason to thank you.”

“It’s the polite thing to do. Oh, wait. I forgot you don’t know how to be polite. My bad.”

You glared at him, the hatred stirring in your gut.

“I wish I could say it’s been a pleasure to see you again, Y/N, but it hasn’t,” Spencer said.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go greet your mother who actually deserves and appreciates my kindness.”

“Kindness, my ass,” you muttered as he walked away.

He turned, almost to the door.

“What was that?”

“Nothing,” you smiled in a fake, sweet matter.

He scoffed, turning and walking away.

Only when his back was turned did your fake demeanor drop and you stuck your tongue out at him.

This man would be the death of you yet.

•

“Penelope just got us a case. Luckily, it’s right here in our backyard so you can just sit in while we work. But please try to control your mouth.”

“JJ, I’m almost 30 years old,” you replied.

“Yes, but you still have a sharp tongue.”

“I promise not to make a scene, cause any trouble or be in the way. I know you have to work Jayj.”

After a round of greetings and hugs from the team and promises to stay longer when she returned from her business seminar, your mom had dashed off, leaving you at the BAU.

You looked up to see Emily Prentiss, JJ’s friend and boss motioning for her to join them in the briefing room.

“The team has to be debriefed about this case. Are you going to be okay here?”

You spun back and forth in her desk chair, motioning to the book you’d brought to read.

“I’ll be fine. Go work,” you shooed her.

JJ bounded off and up the stairs to the meeting and you picked up your book, ready to be entranced by the wonderful fantasy world of your book, far away from your reality.

“Why do people read that garbage? It does nothing but fills a person’s head with nonsense. It’s stupid and a waste of time. Although, now that I think of it, that’s probably a perfect fit for you.”

You peered up over the edge of your book.

You’d just gotten to a good part in your book. Your heroine was just getting ready to destroy the enemy and his lair, saving her love interest from the clutches of evil. It was a shame you couldn’t throw Spencer in the cage that your heroine was saving her lover from. Now that would make the book perfect.

“I’m reading. If you don’t mind.”

“Well it offends me. At least read something good. War and Peace is a good recommendation. Good story. I read it at breakfast last weekend,” Spencer said.

You turned up your nose. Leave it to Spencer to brag about his ability to read 20,000 words a minute and offer atrocious book recommendations in the same sentence. That in itself was offensive enough to you.

“This is why you don’t get dates, isn’t it?” you snipped.

He ignored the quip.

“I’m supposed to ask you for help with the case.”

Now this was interesting. You raised an eyebrow.

“What makes you think I want to help you?”

“You do realize the entire world doesn’t revolve around you, right?” Spencer’s eyes narrowed, “There’s kids that are going missing.”

That sobered you quickly. You dropped any anger you had at him, for the moment, realizing how serious the matter was.

“How? What’s happening?”

“Four kids have gone missing. We can’t figure out how or why. They haven’t shown up yet, so we’re hopeful that they’re still alive,” Spencer said, lips narrowed into a thin line.

“What do you need my help for then?”

“Because to understand what happened to them, we need to profile these kids.”

•

“Okay so we know from his parents, six year old Erik Yates was incredibly shy,” JJ said, looking at the whiteboard where the pictures of the four missing children were hung.

“He wouldn’t have talked to his own school teacher, let alone a stranger,” David Rossi said.

“But his best friend, Carlos Hoffman also went missing with him. They were having a sleepover, so he’d been at Erik’s house,” Emily added.

“And Carlos was the more outgoing of the two, wasn’t he?” you asked.

“Yup,” Tara said, flipping through her notes, “According to the parents, wherever Carlos went Erik was always close behind. So if they encountered a stranger, if Carlos was willing to go, Erik would likely follow.”

“I don’t know about that,” you piped in, “I’ve seen friendships like that in my class. Even if the kid is quiet, if they know something is wrong, they either say something to their friend or they just don’t do it period. I find it hard to believe that Erik would go along with someone he wasn’t comfortable with.”

“Says the one that’s not a profiler,” Spencer mumbled from where he was standing, examining the evidence board.

JJ shot him a look, before returning to the conversation. You pretended not to hear that one and for once, bit your tongue. You wouldn’t accomplish anything by arguing with Spencer at the moment.

“So let’s go back to the top,” Matt said, “Mrs. Yates went to the door and there was someone there either selling something or had an excuse made up for the unsub to guilt trip money out of her. She leaves to get her purse. The kids are in the living room playing. Then suddenly, by the time she gets back, all three are gone.”

“That’s how her story goes,” Luke said, looking through interview notes.

“What about the other children?” you asked, “How were they taken?”

“One was kidnapped at the park, the other at the grocery store,” Spencer answered.

“What if it’s someone familiar with their routines?” you asked.

You weren’t anywhere close to being a profiler, but you knew enough from JJ to sort of get by in this conversation.

“A lot of my kids and their families have strict routines. Usually because it benefits the child and/or they have other children that they keep on a schedule too. Wouldn’t that mean that it’s someone that they know?”

“It could,” Emily said, “But unfortunately that doesn’t narrow down much because the unsub could also just be stalking these families before the kidnapping. The unsub could potentially be a complete stranger to them.”

“Have you asked the parents of the children if they could think of anyone who could do this? Is there anyone that might overlap with these families?” you inquired.

JJ had opened her mouth to answer you, but of course, Spencer had to add his two cents.

“Are you an idiot? Of course, we did,” Spencer snapped, “That’s always the first thing we do.”

You bristled. Even when working together, he couldn’t be civil. He had the nerve to try and insult you and make you feel stupid, even though all you were trying to do was help.

“I’m not an idiot, Spencer,” you grit out.

“Oh really? You sure do act like one sometimes,” he retorted, writing something on the board.

Your defenses snapped back into place and you were ready to shoot back a remark when JJ interrupted you.

“Hey, hey, you guys. Quit it before I have to send you both into separate corners for timeout. We’re all on the same team here, trying to accomplish the same thing. Let’s just focus.”

“Matt, Dave, JJ, I want you to go and reinterview the parents. Y/N has a point. We need to make absolutely sure there’s no one in these families lives that connect with one another,” Emily ordered.

“Luke, Tara; both of you go to the schools. See if there’s been any strangers lurking around. We can’t rule out a sexual predator just yet, but it would help vastly if we could.”

“Penelope, you and I are going to work on a deep dive of these families.”

Garcia’s face scrunched at Emily’s order; she hated diving into people’s personal lives, but unfortunately it sometimes came with the job.

“We’re going to make sure that these parents aren’t holding back any secrets that could possibly help us.”

Emily turned towards you and Spencer next.

“Spence, I want you to start on a geo profile, see if we can figure out the vicinity of the unsub’s hunting grounds. Maybe we might even be able to find where he’s holding them.”

“On it.”

Spencer was already grabbing a map, spreading it across the round table.

“Y/N, I want you to help him.”

Spencer’s head snapped up.

“Hell no. Emily please-”

She held up her hand.

“I don’t want to hear it. That’s an order. If you disobey, I will put you behind a desk for a month.”

He relented, but you could tell he wasn’t happy about it. Not like you were pleased at all by it either.

“Try not to burn the room down while you’re working,” she instructed, walking out to meet Garcia in her lair.

Once she left, Spencer spun towards you.

“Let’s get one thing clear. You’re not to bother me while I work. You stay out of my way. I don’t need your help, nor do I want it. I can do my work just fine without you. I’ve been doing it for 15 years,” he snapped.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Spencer. Even I can tell when your IQ gets slashed to 60.”

“That’s the best you got, Y/N? I didn’t realize they let bimbos into the FBI. Oh wait...that’s right. I’m the one that’s the actual agent here. What is it you do again?”

“I’m a kindergarten teacher. You know that, you dumbass or else I wouldn’t be here helping you.”

“Oh, guess there’s no sleeping to the top in that field. Although, I wouldn’t put it past you.”

Your fists clenched. Spencer made you mad like no other could. Not even JJ could ever make you this mad.

“Just sit down and shut up while the adults work, okay?” he sneered at you.

“I’m not a child!”

You crossed your arms defensively. You weren’t about to let him get in all the insults. Ignoring him never worked, he was too obnoxious. So you just played it like he did, by slinging insults like dodgeballs at him.

“Well if you’re going to act like a child, I’m going to treat you like a child!” he threw back.

His eyes were blazing, his cheeks gone pink from his anger.

“Funny because you act more immature than my kindergartners.”

“WILL YOU TWO CAN IT AND GET TO WORK?!”

You both jumped at the sound of Garcia yelling from the bullpen. She made the motion that she’d be keeping her eyes on you two. You threw one more scowl Spencer’s way before flopping down on the sofa on the other side of the room.

This week was going to last an eternity.

•

Two days passed with no luck on finding an unsub, but they’d managed to put a profile together based on what little they did know.

The entire team was worried and on edge. Of course, that made the situation between you and Spencer even more volatile.

“Are you sure you’re an actual qualified agent? All you do is stand in front of a room full of police or your team and say smart things and gesture with your hands,” you mimicked Spencer, doing exactly what he was just doing earlier while they gave the profile.

“I do not look like that! You look like a baby dinosaur who doesn’t know how to walk,” he jeered.

“Yes, you do. All I’m saying is these civil service exams must be really easy to pass nowadays, huh?” you smirked.

“You know I’d ask if you could really be any more infuriating, but I’m afraid you’d take that as a challenge,” Spencer huffed, “Besides I’m supposed to be “nice” to you, since you’ve been so helpful.”

“I’m sorry, what was that?” you grinned mischievously, “I’ve been what?”

“I’m just quoting what Emily said. In my opinion you’ve been more like a pain in my ass,” he mumbled, looking through one of the case files.

“Oh sure because without me, would you’ve figured out that the unsub is a woman?”

“Probably. Don’t pat yourself on the back, sweetheart. You’re no match for us real profilers, Y/N.”

“I may not be, but you’ve met your match with me, pretty boy,” the nickname falling from your lips with deep sarcasm, “You can’t help but fight with me. For some reason I get under your skin and frankly, I enjoy it. It’s nice to know you can actually squirm, Spencer Reid.”

His lips pursed and he was about to speak when the phone rang. He answered it, putting it on speaker. Garcia’s excited voice came through it.

“Reid, gather the team. You won’t believe what I’ve found.”

•

“So it turns out, one of our families did have a secret. Although, it was something we weren’t even looking for,” Penelope said.

“What’s that Garcia?” Tara asked.

“The family of the first missing child: Daisy Rowe, had a nanny once. Her name is Kali Dye.”

Garcia hit the remote button to pull up the woman’s picture on the big screen at the front of the room.

“What does she have to do with our case?” Luke asked.

She stared at him, exasperated.

“If I could finish what I was saying, you’d know,” Penelope griped.

“Okay, okay,” Luke chuckled, “Carry on.”

You lived for Luke and Penelope’s playful banter. It was like the complete opposite of you and Spencer. They liked each other at the end of the day—not to mention everyone knew deep down they were definitely attracted to one another. Their banter was flirty. Yours and Spencer’s was anything but.

“As I was saying,” Penelope continued, “Kali was the nanny to the Rowe family back in 2016 when Daisy was only two years old. There was an incident where apparently she turned her back on little Daisy playing in the backyard. Daisy got too near the pool and almost drowned. She was in the hospital for a few days afterwards. The parents were obviously furious. I’m guessing Mrs. Rowe told all her friends about it because according to my research, Kali’s nannying career was basically ruined.”

“So you think this is an act of revenge? Did she nanny for any of the other kids she kidnapped?” Emily asked.

“No, that’s where it gets weird. She seems to have no connection to these other children,” Garcia said.

“Well we know who our unsub most likely is,” JJ said, “But how are we going to find out where she and the kids are?”

“I checked for that. There’s no significant places that she would take them, her old family house isn’t even in the state and besides it’s been sold years ago,” Penelope answered.

Emily’s phone rang as the team continued to throw around ideas of where to find Kali.

“Prentiss.”

You watched Emily’s face quickly change expressions, from neutral to shock, to worry, back to businesslike.

“Okay, bring her to Quantico. We’ll need to interview her.”

Emily hung up, turning to the team.

“The second child kidnapped, Eden Jenson just showed up at a police station in D.C. She managed to get away and ran for help. We need to interview her, but she hasn’t spoken yet. The chief of the police station is having one of his detectives drive here so we can interview her,” Emily filled the rest of the team in.

“I’ll talk to her. I’m pretty good at getting kids to talk,” Spencer said.

“Actually, I think we should let Y/N do it,” JJ said, looking at Emily.

“What?! She has no experience interviewing a witness, much less a victim!” Spencer exclaimed.

“I worked in art therapy when I was getting my degree as a teacher. I still use some in my class, plus I’m a teacher,” you said defiantly, “I know how to talk to kids.”

“I agree with JJ,” Emily said, “But Spencer, sit in with her just in case you need to intervene.”

You were sure he was going to do plenty of that.

•

An hour later, you and Spencer were sitting in front of a little, terrified Eden. Her—what you assumed were once neat—blonde pigtails were in all types of disarray. Pieces stood up everywhere while other strands came loose, hanging around her face. She was clutching her bunny stuffie, which you figured had been with her when she was kidnapped.

She had refused to talk to anyone, shrinking away frightfully at any imposing adults. You had to restrain yourself from literally pushing Spencer out the door when she shrunk even more into herself when she saw Spencer’s tall frame.

She’d been previously asked if she was hungry or thirsty in which she barely nodded. Now, she sat a bit less rigidly as she ate her Goldfish crackers and sipped on her juice box.

“Eden, my name is Y/N and this is my…friend, Spencer.”

You had to admit, you had a rough time getting that one out.

“We just want to talk to you, okay?” you said.

The little girl just stared back at you, wide eyed.

“Do you like to color?” you asked.

Still no response.

You pulled out some paper and a pack of crayons from a bin next to the desk. You pushed them across towards her.

“Could you draw something for us?”

It took a moment of Eden staring at the items before she opened the box and picked up a crayon.

“Do you mind if we ask you some questions while you color?”

You didn’t expect an answer, so you weren’t surprised when none came.

“Are you six years old? Six is a fun age. Are you in kindergarten or first grade?”

Eden looked up at you, from underneath her lashes, just briefly, before returning to drawing.

“I’m a kindergarten teacher myself. I’m used to seeing kids your age all the time. It’s spring break though and I miss my kids terribly. Do you miss going to school?”

Spencer shifted in his seat. You knew time was a delicate thing right now, but you were trying to get her to trust you.

“Eden?”

She looked up again. If she was surprised to hear Spencer speak for the first time, she didn’t show it.

“Could you describe the place you were at?”

Fear flashed in her eyes and she dropped her crayon, hugging tightly to her bunny.

You glared at Spencer.

“Just keep drawing, Eden. Okay? We’ll be right back,” you said, standing up, your hand a death grip on his arm.

Once the two of you had stepped out of the room and the door was closed behind you, you whirled on him.

“How can you be so stupid? I thought you were supposed to be a genius!”

“Y/N, you know we’re running on limited time to find those kids. We don’t know if Kali will hurt them or not!”

“I realize that. I’m trying to make her comfortable enough to talk about it.”

“Avoiding it doesn’t seem to be helping either,” he grimaced, hands on his hips.

“You saw what happened when you brought it up! She was terrified!”

“When dealing with a traumatized child you should tell them information about the situation they were in. It’s best they learn it from a trusted adult. Besides, it’s most likely they want to talk about it, but just don’t know how to bring it up.”

“And how would you know all of this, doctor?”

“Because contrary to your beliefs about me, I actually know how to do my job and how to do it well. I’ve dealt with things like this many times before. 60% of adults report being traumatized in childhood. 26% of children in the United States alone will witness or experience a traumatic event before the age of four.”

You blinked, unable to process so much information at once.

“Are you even human?”

“Are you?” Spencer shot back, eyes narrowed.

“You know, with all things considered, I’d thought you’d gotten the idea that I really hate you.” you sneered.

“Really? And here I thought that was your version of flirting,” he retaliated, sarcastically.

“Moron,” you muttered under your breath.

“Now, if you’re through calling me names, I’ve got work to do,” he said, reaching behind you for the doorknob.

“Wait,” you grabbed his arm, “Just let me try again first? Please? If I get stuck or need you, I’ll let you know.”

It was some of the most civil words you’d said to him in a long time. But you didn’t want to give up on this little girl. You wanted to help her and prove to Spencer and yourself if you were being honest, that you could do it.

He must’ve noticed your serious tone and pleading eyes because he relented. He nodded and you turned to go back in.

Eden was waiting for you when you returned, back to clutching her bunny.

“Don’t you want to finish your picture?” you asked, sitting down in front of her.

She pushed it across to you.

“Oh are you done?”

She nodded.

You picked up the picture, noticing four stick figures. Two seemed to be girls, two seemed to be boys. They looked like they could represent all four missing kids.

“Are these you and your friends?” you asked gently.

She didn’t say anything for a beat, then came a soft, timid voice.

“They aren’t my friends...at least not until a few days ago.”

“My friends here, they found out that you didn’t know these other three children. Is that right?”

Eden nodded again.

“Do you know the woman who took you?”

“No,” she said, equally as quiet as before.

“You’re doing a great job, Eden,” you smiled at her, hoping to encourage her, “Just a few more questions, okay?”

Another nod.

“Can you describe where you were?”

“I...I don’t know,” her voice trembled, as if she were going to cry.

You heard the door open up behind you and you turned to see Spencer. He gave you a terse shake of his head, as if telling you now was not the time to snap at him.

“Eden?” Spencer came around to her side and crouched by her, “You remember me, right? I’m Spencer.”

She nodded hesitantly.

“I want to try to help you help Miss Y/N here. To tell her what the place looked like that you were at.”

“But I don’t remember,” Eden said, frowning.

“I think you do. You know how when you’re afraid, you hide?” Spencer asked gently.

Eden nodded her answer.

“Well, that’s kinda what your brain is doing. It’s scared, so you think you can’t remember. What I want to do is have you to close your eyes and think back to before you were taken.”

“No, I’m scared,” Eden whimpered, hugging the stuffie.

“It’ll be okay. I’m right here,” he offered her his hand, which she took reluctantly, “I’ll be right here the entire time. If things get too scary, just squeeze my hand and we can stop. Alright?”

“Alright.”

She closed her eyes, listening to Spencer’s voice.

You were amazed at how soft and gentle he was with her. It was like seeing all of his razor sharp edges he displayed around you, smoothed out. You couldn’t remember if you’d ever heard him like this.

“Just focus on the sound of my voice,” Spencer whispered, “You were playing at the park. What were you doing?”

“Playing on the swing with my bunny,” she said.

“Okay, that’s good Eden, you’re doing wonderful. What do you hear?”

“Lots of kids playing. They’re very loud.”

“What happens next?”

“There’s a lady behind me. She asks if I would like to play in the sandbox with her. I told her yes but I didn’t want to get bunny dirty.”

Eden is trembling now and you eye Spencer warily. He holds his free hand up and you don’t say anything, just yet.

“Very good Eden. Did you go play in the sandbox?”

“No. She took my hand and led me away from the swings. I asked her where she’s going because the sandbox was the other way.”

“Do you want to stop, Eden?” Spencer asked.

“N-No. I a big girl like mommy always says.”

“Okay. What happened then, sweetheart?”

“She grabbed me and put her hand over my mouth. I tried screaming for my mommy, but I couldn’t. She took me to a car.”

“Can you remember what the car looked like?”

“Um, blue. It was blue. It had a lot of doors. It was long too.”

Spencer looked like he realized what she was describing.

“Did the middle door slide open and closed?”

She nodded, her eyes still closed.

“It was big inside with lots of seats. That’s all I saw before she covered my eyes.”

It sounded like an SUV or family van.

“When you were in the car, did you ride for a really long time? Or a short time?”

“A short time.”

You jotted the note down.

“One last question honey. Do you remember anything about the room you were in? What did it look like?”

“Like...like my bedroom. Only much dirtier. And old looking. There’s...there’s flowers on the wall. There’s a lot of toys, but I don’t want to play. I want to go home. Me and my friends are so scared. She’s coming back, she's coming back!”

“It’s okay, it’s okay! I’m right here.”

Eden’s eyes snapped open and he enveloped her in his arms, holding her tightly as she trembled.

She didn’t let go of him until her parents arrived.

•

After kicking the information over to Garcia and her being the goddess she is at finding even the most hidden information, she found the house.

The team had found her car, registered to Kali, but with a false last name. From there, Garcia looked for any run down buildings or homes for rent within 10 to 15 minutes of that park. The team agreed that Kali wouldn’t have bought a house for the simple reason of too much work. She didn’t seem to be that dedicated to a well thought out plan. That was when Garcia discovered an old house rented under the name of Kali Rowe, the same last name of the family she had been a nanny for.

You stayed behind while the team went out to rescue the children and hopefully bring Kali Dye into custody.

They did.

All four kids were now safely reunited with their parents and Kali had been arrested and hopefully was going to get the help she needed.

Since you hadn’t been there, JJ had filled you in afterwards when everybody had gotten back. You were sitting next to one another in the briefing room, talking, while everything settled down.

Kali Dye had been so distraught over the loss and destruction of her nannying career. Apparently at one point, she had been a wonderful nanny. What had happened with Daisy, truly was an accident. Whether she had had a mental breakdown or suffered from an unknown or untreated mental illness beforehand, they didn’t know. But she soon became desperate to prove she was a good nanny.

She kidnapped Daisy first, to prove her point. Then three other children that she’d followed, learning their schedules.

She had taken good care of them, at least in her mind. In reality, she hadn’t hurt them or touched them one bit. She fed them, gave them all attention and all the toys they wanted, to play with.

It was a sad situation, really. But you were glad that the families had a happy ending and their children were back safely in their homes tonight.

“You did good little sis,” JJ smiled, “Keep it up and you may just have to think about switching careers.”

“No thanks,” you chuckled, “I’m happy teaching kids, not seeing them in life threatening situations. I don’t have the heart for that.”

“Spence said you did really well getting Eden to open up,” she said.

“I’m surprised he actually knows how to compliment a person, let alone me,” you scoffed.

“Y/N. Come on. What’s your deal with him? This has been going on for years now.”

“I don’t know. I just can’t stand him.”

“That’s a cop out and you know it,” JJ said, “He’s a good guy. Besides, you used to have a crush on him when you were younger.”

“Ew, did I?”

You wrinkled your nose, trying to remember. JJ had joined the BAU when you were only 14. A lot had happened in high school, let alone the 15 years since she’d first joined. You didn’t visit her very often because of school and all of your other extracurricular activities, so you hadn’t met the team until about a year after she started.

“You don’t mean the summer after my freshman year, do you?” you asked, “Cause back then he was a cute little dweeb and it lasted like two seconds anyway. I had a case of raging hormones to the point I had a crush on just about anything male with two legs.”

You rolled your eyes, disgusted at the fact she’d even think that you’d have a crush on Spencer. Although deep down, deep, deep, deep down, a little part of you knew that she’d hit the nail on the head.

“Why do you hate him though? He’s my best friend. I love him and I want you two to get along.”

You snorted.

“Yeah, I know you love him. Remember, you told me that you told him that you’ve always loved him? That he was your first love?”

You bit your lip, trying hard to keep the jealous edge out of your tone. This is what you’d tried hard to avoid all these years. You hated that you felt like this but you’d been covering up your true feelings for him and the situation, with anger all these years. If you kept yourself at a distance, you were less likely to get hurt.

How wrong you were.

“Is that what this is about? Because I told Spence I loved him?”

“No.”

Maybe.

“Y/N.”

She gave you the same look that your mother had given you in the elevator just days before.

“Jeez, you’ve got mom’s “look” down pat,” you mumbled.

“Please tell me the truth. Is my confession why you hate him?”

Her eyes pleaded with you and you couldn’t help but cave. She was your sister and your best friend and you knew she cared.

“No. I don’t know, maybe partially. But I disliked him way before that anyway. He’s just a know-it-all smartass, that annoys the shit out of me and is just like every other guy to fall head over heels in love with Jennifer Jareau.”

You grimaced, “For a guy that has an IQ of 187, he sure doesn’t know how to be different from other guys.”

“Okay hold up,” JJ held up her hands, “First of all, he is not head over heels in love with me.”

“JJ, please. You’re not an idiot.”

“I’m serious. He may have been once, but he’s not anymore. We’re best friends and that’s it. Besides, we worked out that mess over a year ago. He’s even dated since then.”

“The kid actually dates? I’m shocked,” you said, putting a hand on your chest in mock surprise.

JJ ignored your antics, continuing on.

“Second. He’s actually a really great guy, Y/N. He’s a real sweetheart, really. It’s just a side of him that you don’t see.”

“Yeah like the dark side of the moon,” you muttered.

“Just give him a chance and try to be nice? You know what mom always said. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Besides, if you want to go for him, that’s fine.”

You laughed outright at that. As if that would happen.

“On that note, I think I’m gonna head back to your place,” you said standing.

“I have to stay a little later to finish up some work. Can you get home okay on your own?”

You assured her you could and you grabbed your purse.

“Y/N?” she called, as you were about to the glass doors.

“Yeah?”

“Just think about what I said, okay?”

•

If you thought you were gonna get a reprieve after that uncomfortable conversation, you were sorely mistaken.

The moment you stepped out of the BAU, you saw Spencer standing, waiting for the elevator, his hands clutching the strap of his tan satchel as he waited.

“Ah, there she is. The woman who saved the day,” he quipped sarcastically.

“Fuck off Reid. I’m not in the mood.”

“You know, I’m actually shocked that you’re good at something besides bitching.”

You ignored him, your teeth clenching.

“I’m surprised you held your tongue as long as you did earlier. Bet that’s a record for you.”

The elevator doors opened and you got on without a word, Spencer following you.

“What? No comebacks? Amazing. Has Spencer Reid actually won for once?”

You whirled on him, dropping your purse to the elevator floor in the process.

“No because you’re full of shit. You’re the most annoying, stubborn ass, infuriating, egocentric, smart aleck in a fancy suit I’ve ever met!”

His eyes narrowed and his mouth hardened. He pulled his satchel over his head, dropping it too, to the floor. He pushed the emergency button of the elevator with such anger, it was amazing that he didn’t break it. The elevator suddenly came to an abrupt halt.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” you screeched.

Your body was thrumming with anger. You could and likely would pummel him at any second.

“You’re not leaving this elevator until you tell me what the fuck your problem is,” Spencer glared.

“My problem?” you huffed.

“Yes because I have to deal with you jumping down my throat every single time I see you. You’re the most stuck up, spoiled, self centered, bitchy little brat I’ve had to deal with!”

“Ha! You sure you’re not talking about yourself?”

“You know what I think your problem is?” he challenged.

“Go ahead, try me. I’d love to hear.”

“I think, you don’t know how to deal with how you’re really feeling. So you hide it under anger. You lash out every time your feelings threaten to surface. It’s become a defense mechanism. It’s all you know. You fight with me because it’s the only way to protect yourself; you throw words as your daggers. Simply because you can’t get me out of your mind. I push you to limits you don’t want to think about. You may swear and declare that you hate me but in reality, you’d be thrilled if I took you right up against this elevator wall.”

His voice grew deeper with every word that tumbled out of his mouth.

“Are you profiling me? Cause that’s one hell of a reach.”

“Is it though? You wanna know how I figure that? You told me the other day that I met my match. That I can’t help but fight with you because you get under my skin. Well you were right. I do enjoy it and I think you do too. Because it turns you on. It does the same thing to me. You get under my skin yet at the same time all I can think about is how I want to fuck you until you’re screaming my name.”

“You think I’m gonna fall for that shit from just another guy who’s crazy about JJ?” you sneered.

For the first time, he actually looked just the tiniest bit surprised.

“You think I have feelings for JJ? If I had feelings for her, do you honestly think I’d spend all my time and attention on you?”

“How the hell am I supposed to know?”

“JJ isn’t the one that occupies my brain, no matter what I try to do, Y/N,” he said through gritted teeth.

His face was mere inches away from yours now. Close enough to see an array of scattered freckles on his face. A few under one eye, a tiny one on the side of his nose, one on his forehead.

His stubble had gotten heavier in the last few days, becoming more scruff than stubble. His lips were naturally plump, an asset that would be the envy of any woman. They were also a natural shade of dark pink, maybe even leaning towards red.

Anger heated his eyes. Or was it desire? You wondered if you looked the same way. Right now, they looked more green in the brighter light in the elevator, but you could still see rings of brown around the edges of his eyes. They were also filled with mischief as if he were up for a challenge.

“You really think you’re going to distract me by putting your tongue in my mouth and getting my panties wet?” you hissed.

“Is that what you want?”

A smirk formed on his lips. He was definitely challenging you.

Your legs were trembling now. Although if you were to admit it, you weren’t entirely sure if it was from anger or arousal.

You pressed your lips together, refusing to say anything, almost afraid what would come out of your mouth. He had you cornered up against the wall now.

“Maybe I should just find out for myself,” he said, propping his hands on either side of the wall by your head, “Make you moan in my mouth while I finger you.”

The anger that was coursing your veins earlier had definitely now turned into desire. Your stomach churned with it. You could feel his body mere inches from yours and the heat from it was making your entire body temperature feel that much higher.

“It’s not like I haven’t imagined making you moan my name,” he whispered, his voice gravelly, his tongue moving out over his lips in a quick swipe.

Your breathing had become shallow and you were throbbing with need. Before you could think of what you were doing, you were already unbuttoning your jeans.

“For once in your life I wish you’d shut up and just do it,” you grunted.

He grabbed your face roughly with both hands, his lips colliding with yours. They were hot and rough against yours, this kiss so hungry and animalistic that it was unreal.

His body was pressed against yours as he pressed you against the cool, metal wall. You could feel his arousal pressed against your thigh and you unwittingly moaned into his mouth. You had a difficult time wrapping your head around the fact that you’d gotten him so hard.

Then again, you were having a hard time wrapping your mind around anything that didn’t involve him.

His tongue moved with yours, ironically increasing your desire, making you wetter. Just like you’d voiced earlier. Damn, the guy sure knew what he was doing.

He pulled your jeans roughly down your legs until they were enough out of the way that he was satisfied. His lips attacked your jaw, then neck, being anything but gentle, but it was working you up more than anything.

Your hands gripped his arms, your teeth bearing down into your bottom lip, resisting the urge to give in to what he wanted: hearing you moan.

He pulled away from you making you suddenly desperate for his lips on your skin again. He pried your hands away from him and held them against the wall, his hips pressing into yours.

His suit pants were a lot thinner than your jeans, so you could feel his erection pressing into you, dangerously close to your throbbing core where all of a sudden, you wanted him the most.

Spencer’s fingers ghosted over the fabric of your underwear, causing you to inhale sharply. It felt good and you wanted more.

You reached for his hand, trying to push it against your core, but he pulled it away, shaking his head.

“No. This is all you’re getting until you admit it.”

His finger trailed up the center of your panties, having just enough pressure to slightly feel his touch. You groaned at his teasing. If your past years of banter had been foreplay then you were more than ready for him to have you.

“Admit what?”

“That you want this,” Spencer stated simply.

His fingertip swirled lightly over the fabric, just above your clit. Light enough that you didn’t get any real friction from the touch and you bucked your hips, desperate to feel it.

“I think it’s fucking obvious,” you said through clenched teeth.

“Yes, but I want to hear you say it.”

His smirk was wolfish. You knew he wasn’t going to give in unless you did what he said.

“I want this,” you groaned.

“What’s that?” he tipped his head to the side, “Can’t hear you.”

“I want this,” you said, a notch louder, gripping his wrist.

“This?”

His fingers dipped into your underwear and his thumb pressed hard against your clit.

“Ah, fuck yes,” you moaned.

He grinned, his finger dipping into your wet warmth.

“Seems like my tongue in your mouth did indeed make you wet,” he chuckled lowly, pulling your underwear off with his other hand.

His fingers teased you as you writhed and moaned, clawing at the elevator wall behind you. He had this amazing way of rubbing his knuckles against your walls as his fingers pumped in and out of you.

“Holy shit, fuck Spencer,” you whined.

You were so turned on, you hardly had any recognition of what was tumbling out of your mouth. It sure seemed to please Spencer, though.

He kept you on your toes though, slowing his fingers just when you thought you were reaching the brink of your orgasm, twisting them so gradually, it was almost painfully pleasant. You swore your eyes almost rolled back in your head when his fingers curled inward in his direction, catching that sweet spot at just the right angle.

He was kissing you as you moaned appreciatively in his mouth. His hands were quite literally magical.

His fingers finally sped up, his thumb focusing all its attention on your clit. You could feel your release quickly approaching and you were ready to succumb to it. You wanted Spencer Reid to make you cum so hard you’d be begging for more.

He did just that.

Your high hit you as you released on his fingers. Your eyes screwed shut, your head banging against the wall. You actually think you stopped breathing for a short second before air rushed back into your lungs and you released a long moan.

“Oh my god, Spencer,” you groaned, reaching for the waistband of his pants.

He’d given you one hell of an orgasm and here you were, ready to beg for more. Especially if they came while he was buried to the hilt inside you.

“That was hot as hell,” he muttered, kissing you again, “It’s sexy seeing you spend all your energy on an orgasm instead of yelling at me. It’s healthier for your body, too.”

He smirked, his teeth pulling on your lower lip gently before pulling away. His hands were working with yours to push his pants down and his boxers too.

“Are you willing to admit you want me to fuck you against this wall now?” he growled.

“Yes, yes. Fuck yes, please.”

Man, if he wanted you to be his bitch ages ago, he probably should’ve just fucked you. One orgasm at his hands and you had turned into a writhing, begging and moaning heap.

But still, you couldn’t help but wonder if he could make you feel so good with his hands, that it would most likely be ten times as amazing with his dick.

He lifted you up, holding you against the wall. You wrapped your legs around his waist as he pushed into you. You felt yourself stretching in ways you hadn’t felt in a long time and you couldn’t hold it back; a long, low moan of gratification left your lips.You hated to admit it, but he felt fucking fantastic inside of you.

By his own confirming groan, you could tell he felt the same way as you. At the back of your mind you couldn’t help but wonder why this hadn’t happened years ago.

His hips rocked against yours, slowly at first as his mouth found yours. He was as ravenous for you as you were for him.

Your fingers dug into his back as his thrusts became faster and harder. He was quite literally fucking you into this metal wall and you were loving every second of it.

Your emitted moans were coming every few seconds with every slap of your skin against his. His own grunts and groans came from deep in his throat, making you even hotter.

“S-Spencer,” you stuttered, pulling his face back to yours.

You have him a brief kiss before smirking up at him.

“I’m the spoiled little brat that’s got you moaning like a little bitch,” you panted.

Your words made him groan as he gripped your sides. He must have excellent control because he managed to get a hold of himself, slowing his hips to where he was tantalizingly pulling out of you and pushing back in.

“Still hate me, Y/N?”

“Right now, yes,” you groaned, trying to pull him deeper within you, wanting the previous speed and depth back.

“Now?”

“Ye- ahhh,” a breathy moan came from you as he resumed his harsher and faster thrusts.

“I don’t hate you,” you groaned, lost in the pleasure he was giving you.

Maybe voiced thoughts during sex were the truth because you actually didn’t hate him. Especially right now.

“Fuck, Y/N, yes baby,” he groaned.

He was close to his peak, you could tell. His fingers were on your clit, circling furiously. He was going to make sure you got your orgasm, before he got his. Who knew he was actually so decent?

Your whimpers, moans and groans were rising in pitch. You halfway hoped no one could hear, but at the same time didn’t care. Let the whole building hear.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. Spencer, I’m coming, I’m-”

With that, the coil of pleasure that had been building up snapped like a broken rubber band, shooting through your entire body.

You may have screeched too, you’re not entirely sure. You were completely lost to the bliss of your orgasm and even more so when he came apart not long after you. If you had thought he was attractive before, he was a hundred times more sexy when he was orgasming above you, all caused by you.

Your movements slowed, your chests both heaving. He held onto you carefully, as if he was afraid to set you down just yet. Probably a good idea considering you felt like you’d lost all function in your legs.

You laughed incredulously, unable to believe what had just happened. That had simultaneously been the craziest yet hottest thing you’d ever done.

Spencer’s smirk was replaced with a more shy, happy smile. It was a better look than the scowl he’d worn for you for so long.

It was like the moment that first orgasm hit you, all the anger, all the hatred, all the negative feelings you’d felt towards him drained from your body. You didn’t have the willpower or the desire to hate him anymore. Not that you ever really had.

“I meant what I said,” you said quietly.

“What’s that? You said a lot of things,” he chuckled.

“That I don’t hate you.”

He took a few moments in silence, parting from you and gently setting your feet on the floor again. He took his time getting decent again, as well. You worried at your bottom lip as you did the same, nervous that you’d said the wrong thing.

“So I was right? About the defensive mechanism and everything?”

“Yeah,” you nodded somberly, “I horribly misjudged you; thinking you were stuck up, full of yourself, better than anyone else, the kind of guy that was like all the others and in love with my sister.”

“If anything, I would think what just happened would prove more than anything that my sights are set on you.”

He had a point.

“Why did you hate me though?”

“I was thrown off by your reaction to me. I thought you were a self entitled, spoiled brat and that you thought you were better than me. Seems like we both vastly misjudged one another.”

“It’s kinda a good thing though,” you said.

Spencer looked at you, baffled.

“It is?”

“Well yeah, cause if none of that happened then that wouldn’t have happened either,” you gestured to the place where moments before the two of you had been a tangle of limbs.

“Good point,” he chuckled.

“Uh, Spencer?”

“Hmm?” he looked at you, eyebrows raised.

“You might want to get the elevator moving again.”

“Oh! Right.”

He laughed, hitting the emergency button to restart the elevator.

“I apologize for giving you so much grief though. I’d do anything to make it up to you,” you said.

“How about letting me take you out then? You’re still here for a few more days, aren’t you?” he asked.

You smiled.

“I think I can make all the time in my schedule for you, Spencer.”

His answering smile was enough to make you smile in return.

Oddly enough, the elevator had gone down and back up without stopping, returning to the floor the BAU was on.

“That’s weird,” Spencer mumbled.

The doors parted to JJ waiting to get on.

“Hey, what are you guys still doing here? I thought you left an hour ago.”

Huh, so it’d been an hour.

She got on the elevator, standing between the two of you.

“Elevator issues,” Spencer answered, before you could think of what to say.

“So you’ve been stuck in the elevator together this entire time?” JJ asked.

“Yup,” you answered.

“I guess it’s a miracle you two didn’t tear each other apart then,” she muttered, hitting the button for the ground floor.

Yeah, there might’ve been some tearing involved.

Behind her back, you and Spencer shared a secret smile.

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thesnowinthemountains · 3 years

Text

Monsta X as the guy who hits on you in a bookstore

(a/n: I work in a used bookstore and this is entirely self-indulgent, please enjoy.)

Shownu

Your intention for the day was to find a vegan cookbook for your best friend, so you wandered over to the cooking section of the bookshop after having already scoured the stacks of fiction and fantasy, taking your own pick. Knelt near the bottom shelf was a young man. You couldn’t quite see his face but his hair was fluffy and promising. He stood up abruptly to his full six foot of height, towering over you, his eyebrows knit together in full concentration. He was flipping through a book on baking, something seemingly too soft for someone of his stature. He glanced over at you while you searched the shelves on your own quest. “Uh…” You turned to him. “Yes?” He seemed taken aback that you had even heard him, staring at you wide-eyed. “Sorry, um, do you know anything about cooking?” He asked quickly. “Some. What do you want to know?” He proceeded to ask a few questions, explaining he wanted to bake cupcakes for a friend’s birthday, double-goaled to both impress and surprise them with actual baking skills. After a few minutes of conversation and light laughter, he shut the book he’d been holding and turned fully to you. “Do you think I could have your phone number or something? I think I would be better at this with a little help…”

Wonho

“Do you- do you work here?” A tentative voice asked from the end of the bookshelf you were currently rummaging through. “I don’t, but I understand your confusion,” you chuckled, contemplating the stack at your feet and the fact that your hands were between books in the shelf. “Oh, well, do you know about books?” You turned to find an incredibly well-sculpted man. He looked entirely out of place but sounded so shy, and you were immediately taken by the messy black hair and large glasses over his nose. “I do. Why?” You stood up fully, also determining he stood a good few inches over you. “I- This is kind of a thing,” he paced over. “It’s my little niece’s birthday next week, she loves reading, it’s all she ever does. I have no idea what to get her, but I know it needs to be a book. I even, look,” he pulled out his phone, “I took a picture of the books she already has so I don’t buy the same ones.” You looked at the screen, recognizing titles from when you were in your very early teens. “Oh, I can definitely help with that. Um, just... “ You peered down at the books you had previously picked out, still on the floor and waiting to be brought home. “I’ll help you if you carry my books.” “Oh, absolutely,” he bent down as soon as you said it.

Minhyuk

“Why won’t you just let me play Green Day, though?” You whined at your boss for the millionth time that week. You had recently gotten a job at a local used bookstore and had rapidly adapted to your small team of coworkers, mostly by taking over the radio which was overly used to Phil Collins and Bryan Adams. You added life to the boutique. “Listen, I like Green Day as much as the next guy, but half of our customer base is little old ladies, I’m not sure they’re super down with pop punk on a Monday night,” your boss replied. “Which album?” Minhyuk jumped in. He came in every now and then, always a mischievous glimmer in his eye. Today was just the same. “American Idiot,” you replied. “Oh, well, that’s a classic, you have to let her play it.” Minhyuk shrugged, turning to your boss. “She’s clearly got great taste, come on.” “There you go, see? Even he wants Green Day!” You pouted. “Sorry, guys, no can do.” You manager sighed. You scoffed, turning to Minhyuk with a pout. “Party pooper.” Minhyuk pulled his tongue before throwing a smirk your way.

Kihyun

He was a regular at the bookstore you worked at. It was a used bookstore, selling anything and everything literary for dirt cheap and he would come in every few weeks with an empty box ready to fill. He would sit on the floor if he had to, scouring the shelves. Every time you checked him out, you would peak at the titles, feigning checking prices. “Have you read this one?” He asked the last time, pointing to one with a black cover, gold lettering. “I haven’t, but I’ve heard plenty about it. I was actually planning to buy it tonight before leaving, but you beat me to it.” He smiled to himself, seeing an opportunity he’d been waiting for. “Well, you’ll just have to borrow it from me, won’t you?” You looked up. “I guess I might.”

Hyungwon

You were hurrying past the romance section into fantasy which had been moved to the back of the store, according to an employee. You were frowning, disappointed your favorite section didn’t sell enough to be featured front and center, overall just stuck in your own head. In front of a showy display for a new release in romance was an ethereally good-looking young man in a long coat, hair falling into his face. He made you almost stop in your tracks, steps hiccupping. He looked up at you. “Do you know anything about romance novels?” He asked casually. You frowned again. “No.” “Right. My mom sent me to get something for her, but I don’t remember the title, so I’m kind of just hoping I’ll find it.” “Ask an employee?” You hid a smile. The answer seemed simple enough. “I would. I don’t remember the author’s name either, just the cover. Describing it as a ‘woman in a man’s embrace with the sky in the background’ well- I don’t think it’ll get me anywhere looking at this.” “Not particularly,” you laughed despite yourself. “What are you here for?” He looked up at you suddenly, and his eyes were so pretty it took you a second to answer. “The, uh, fantasy… section…” “Take me there.” “What?” You asked, confused. “I don’t know, anywhere’s better than here. I have to call my mom. Where’s the fantasy section?” He looked over the shelves and it occurred to you he was tall enough to actually see the section signs over the shelves.

Jooheon

You had somehow been following each other through the little boutique. It wasn’t intentional, but clearly you had similar taste. He was cute, tall, and you didn’t mind. He knelt down to look at the section for fiction authors whose last names begin in K, then stood up abruptly, turning to L, then M, clearly looking for something. You continued on skimming the shelves. He cleared his throat. "Can I show you something?” He asked you, finally breaking the silence. “Sure,” you replied, eyes wide. He smiled to himself and pulled out a book. “This book here has a photo of me as a kid on it." “Oh,” you giggled despite yourself. So he was sweet, too.

Changkyun

This was your absolute favorite little shop in the city, one that mostly contained books but often sold all sorts of knickknacks you couldn’t help but wonder about. Where did they even come from? Some had you staring for too long, wondering what they even did. You could spend well over an hour in there, going through the bookshelves, more often than not going home arms full of books, and tonight was no different to the exception of snow lightly floating down outside, covering everything in a dreamy coat of shimmery white. In the shop with you were the owner, at this point almost a friend to you, and a boy surely around your age. He was staring at an old film reel toy on the top of the cash counter, frowning. “It’s a toy,” you offered, waiting for the shop owner to be finished punching your books’ titles into the register. “Yeah, I’m just wondering what the reel shows. I had one when I was little.” “Well, look at it,” you shrugged. He glanced up at you, small smile hovering over his features before grabbing the red plastic thing in his hand and holding it up. The owner gave you your total and you pulled out your card. “Dinosaurs.” The guy said. “Oh?” “Yeah. Very cool.” He bit his lip and laid it back on the counter while you piled your books, regretting not bringing a bag and questioning how in the hell you were going to take these home through the metro system without dropping them. “You need help with that?” The boy came over. “Uh, sure, but it’s sort of a ride.” “I don’t mind,” he took some books out of your hands. “I read this one, actually. And this one. That one. You’ll have to tell me how you like- sorry, what am I saying?” He laughed to himself. “Well, maybe I will,” you cocked your head, thinking him cute.

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glenncoco4 · 3 years

Text

You Can Count On Me

A/N: Chapter 7

••••

As she waits for the car in front of her to pull ahead, Kensi basks in the warmth of the bean juice as it moves its way down her throat. She so focused on her morning joe that she doesn’t notice the lone figure standing on the curb. Her brow furrows in confusion as he steps up to the side of the car. “Oh, my god, babe, what are you doing?”

The dirty shaggy blonde flashes his partner the gross yellow caps that are surrounding his teeth, earning a cringe. “Had a little LAPD undercover field trip early this morning. Can I get a ride?”

She extends her head towards him, sniffing as the unknown smell assaults her nostrils. “Is that you?”

“I like to go method, you know that.”

“That’s really disgusting.”

“I have to be convincing and the smell is a big part of that.” He places his arm against the window sill, sending his girl a wink. “So how bout that ride?”

“I love you but I wouldn’t let you ride in my trunk smelling like that.”

“Are you serious?”

It takes everything in her not to dry heave as a new odor enters her bubble. “Serious as that smell coming from your clothes.” Shaking her head, the brunette smirks, sending him a playful wink before driving off.

“No, no. No, no. Come on, Kens!”

“Bye, cutie.”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, he watches the retreating taillights fill his vision, leaving him stranded on the side of the road. “This is love.”

••••

Later that day the junior agent listens to the older man’s theory as to which direction the missing marines may have headed, but her instincts tell her that what he’s saying isn’t necessarily true. “I’m not so sure, Major. I found SUV tracks heading in the other direction.”

The older man rolls his eyes, almost challenging the brunette. “I’m pretty sure they’re heading away from Mexico.” He dismisses the pair, focusing on his own agenda before walking over to the rest of his team. “If you’ll excuse me.”

“Did I just get blown off?” She turns to her boyfriend, honestly wondering why she’s at all surprised by the Major’s reaction.

“Like Ronald McDonald at a PETA convention.” He shakes his head, knowing if anyone can track, its one Kensi Marie Blye. Without an ounce of doubt in his eyes, Deeks looks to her. “Hey, trust your gut.”

A barely there smile rises to her lips. She sees the absolute faith he has in her shining bright in his cerulean blues. It’s calming and gives her a moment to center herself. “Looks like somebody was being dragged, which seems to fit the scenario.” She follows the trail, but stops when its clear that it goes on for miles.

Realization hits her and she tries to bite back a smile thinking about how her partner his gonna respond to what they have to do next. “You ready to go for a little ride?”

The words leave her lips and he can’t help the smile that spreads to his face. The image of her in nothing but satin lace saying those exact same words has him in a trance.

She sees his eyes glaze over as he licks his lips. Shaking her head, she can only imagine what’s going on in his head right now. “On the bikes, Marty, on the bikes.”

“So no hot desert sex then?” He playfully pouts.

She ignores his question, walking off towards the dirt bikes in hopes that he didn’t notice the blush rise to her cheeks.

••••

Two hours later, Kensi suddenly stops, pulling of her helmet as her partner follows. “I’ll never understand why you do this for fun.”

The corner of her mouth curls into a smile when she watches him shake his hair. The dirty clothes mixed with his sun kissed skin does things to her, a lot of things. “You look rugged, babe. Wouldn’t make you for a four-star hotel camper.”

“Kens, the last time we went on vacation you and Kip went on an ATV adventure while me and the cupcake girls stayed at the pool all day and got pedicures.” He suddenly pauses, the first string of words suddenly washing over him. “Wait, you think I look rugged?”

“Yeah, like Malibu Ken, he wasn’t anatomically correct either.”

He eyes his girlfriend, challenging her. The squawk of laughter she lets out makes his heart flutter. He’s been working on her sense of humor for 20 years now, when she thinks she’s being funny somehow it makes the situation all the better. His little weirdo. But that also doesn’t mean he can’t ‘fight’ back. “In that case, I guess I’ll just have to keep what I have to myself.”

“You wouldn’t last 10 minutes.”

“Oh you think so?”

Her eyes follow him up and down as she examines his body, bitting her bottom lip. “I guess only time will tell. Oh, yeah, I forgot to ask, are you good with me walking around the house naked tonight? It’s just these clothes are so constricting today, I need a little bit of air.”

“Uh.” He’s left frozen in the hot desert sun, well all but one part of him. She’s gonna be the death of him, but what a way to go.

••••

Dread fills her being as she watches the guy who was chasing after her partner come back on the ATV. Her heart races, thinking about how his lifeless body could be laid out alone somewhere, but before she can get too deep into her thoughts the perpetrators surround the bulldozer spraying bullets right towards the brunette and marines.

They’re so focused on those they can’t see that they miss the lone assailant approach them on their side. Just has he lifts his gun, a series of bullets hit the man from out of nowhere.

Kensi’s brow furrows, wondering if their back up has finally arrived when out jumps her rugged looking boyfriend covered in more dirt than she remembers. She’s so angry with him for losing contact that she doesn’t even have time to take a relieving breath that he’s alive.

The detective hops over the scrap of metal, coming up beside his partner. “Did you miss me?”

“Where have you been?”

“They killed my bike.”

They crouch down even further as the bullets continue to fly, their eyes lock, trying to come up with a plan. Any plan that will get them out of this alive.

With not much time Deeks realizes the action he needs to take to ensure the best possible outcome for their safety. “Alright, you know what? I’ll draw their fire, you make a run for the SUV.”

“Are you sure about this?”

“Not really, no.”

Before she can respond he’s halfway across to the trailer spraying the men with bullets, once he’s found cover behind the old truck, Kensi makes her move as her partner covers her.

She quickly makes it to the SUV just as one of the guys loads the rocket launcher. As she’s messing with the wires, a whirling sound fills the air followed by a loud explosion. Looking up, her heart sinks once again, knowing that’s the exact same spot where her love was. “Marty.”

Giving up. That’s all she’s thinking about now as the perpetrators continue their assault. They’re outnumbered and Marty is more than likely dead. It’s hopeless.

As she lays there in the seat of the vehicle a sudden twirling noise fills the air, to much of her relief she soon recognizes the sound. Help has arrived.

Staying down until backup has taken care of the men, Kensi takes a calming breath as a lone tear escapes her eye. God how is she going to go on with her life? How will she explain it to his mom? How will she explain it to their friends?

“Look, baby, I know you’re tired, but you can sleep when we get home.”

Her eyes go wide at the sound of the oh so familiar surfer drawl that belongs to her best friend. Before she can even process what’s going on in her head, her body is jumping out of the seat and lunging into his arms. “I thought you were dead.”

“I’m okay.” He places a kiss to the top of her head. To say the explosion knocked him on his ass is a bit of an understatement. He was this close to being engulfed in flames, so close in fact that the back of his jacket is charred. So close to losing all he had with her and leaving her by herself. That thought alone, sends his mind into overdrive.

Realizing that their coworkers could be walking up at any minute, they quickly pull apart, the aching to be close to one another radiating through their beings. Sharing a look, they center themselves and get back to the art of deception. Rushing over to the marines, the partners help load them into the chopper and take a much deserved sigh of relief. All in a days work.

••••

They finally get back to the mission later that evening to grab their things, gladly leaving their paper work for tomorrow. The pair say their goodbyes to the rest of the team before heading out to their respective vehicles, but the shaggy blonde stops her from getting into her car. “How about I pick you up from your place and we go for a ride?”

“I like the sound of that.”

Observing the area around them, the detective makes sure the coast is clear before taking hold of her hand, his thumb moving back and forth across her soft skin, bringing both of them a sliver of comfort.

His eyes find hers, there’s so much he needs to say to her, but now is not the time. “I love you.”

She’s caught a bit off guard, not by his words, but the turmoil and sadness written in his eyes. “I love you too, Marty.”

••••

She looks across the vastness that is the ocean. The golden and pink hues that envelope the world around them is one of the most magical things that she’ll never get tired of. But the view is the last thing on her mind because something’s been off with her boyfriend for the better part of the day and then their interaction in the parking garage, has her wondering. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“I-I need you to...”

“Need me to what?”

His chest rises and falls as he takes a calming breath. He’s not really sure of what he’s about to asks her...actually he is. Turning towards her, he’s met with her concerned loving mismatched eyes, and it gives him the courage to continue on. “Marry me.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Great, Marty. That’s just great. You have an entire rolodex of words and those are the ones you choose.”

“Marty. Baby. Stop.”

Taking another deep breath, he tries to gather his thoughts.

They sit in silence for a few seconds before he finally gains his courage once again to confess what’s been at the forefront of his mind for the past couple of hours. “Kens, I love you. In some way I’ve always known that I was in love with you. You’re my best friend, the person I want to share everything with. I don’t know how you did it but that 8 year old little girl I met 20 years ago made me feel the safest I’ve ever felt in my life and she’s been doing so ever since.” He reaches for her hand, needing contact now more than ever. “I know this is sudden, but when you think about it, its really not. We know everything about each other, we’re a part each other, past, present and future. I want you to know that you can count on me for the rest of our lives. Baby, I’ll always be here loving you and being your biggest supporter. I so very much want you to be the same for me, so...Kensi Marie Blye, will you marry me?”

There are tears in her eyes, this is sudden and happening oh so fast. Her heart is racing and her thoughts are all over the place. Sliding across the old leather seat, she brings her lips to his. “I love you so much, and I want all of those things that you do, but I think I need a little time to process everything. Is that okay?”

He should’ve saw this coming. I mean they’ve only been dating for a week and this topic has never come up. His best friend is one of the most level headed people he’s ever known, so he recognizes that she needs time to process this commitment and all that comes with it. He places a reassuring kiss to her lips, a barely there smile across his face. “Of course it is. I didn’t mean to spring this all on you. It’s just what with today and the explosion, I knew I didn’t want to waste another minute.”

“And we’re not.” She assures him, if there’s one thing she knows its that life is short and there’s no promise of tomorrow, but she still needs to gather herself and her thoughts. If they’re going to do this, she needs to have a level head not be wrapped up in the near death experience of today. “We’re together. I just want you to know that no matter what, I do want everything with you. I just need some time to process everything.”

“I understand.”

She places a kiss to his lips once more before her head finds his shoulder. “I love you.”

His head finds hers as they stare out across the cliff side sunset. The tension in his body slowly releases as her fingers intertwine with his. As long as she’s still here, that’s all that matters. “I love you. I love you so much.”

#Densi #Densi Fanfic #Kensi Blye #Marty Deeks #Kensi x Deeks #NCIS: LA #NCIS: LA Fanfic #You Can Count On Me #AU

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vindicatedvirgil · 4 years

Text

in the library / logicality

for those of you who don’t know, i’m in a master’s degree program studying to become a librarian right now. so, yeah, i spend (or, you know, spent, before coronavirus) a lot of time working in public libraries and learning about libraries and studying.

so, here, a logicality human au. Patton is a Children’s Librarian and Logan brings his two sons, Roman and Remus, into the library. wanna know more about librarianship and how it’s actually a really hard thing to do? i’m always happy to answer questions. i am so Patton here.

includes: dad!Logan, eventual logicality, adopted kid!Remus and kid!Roman trying to get the two together, lots of fluff so please prepare your hearts

wordcount: 5133

(masterlist)

Patton looked down cheerfully at the child he was helping. His biggest joy in life came from helping young kiddos find their perfect book; whether it’s because they’ve read all of the popular stuff and need something new or if they are reluctant readers who need something to pull them in to reading as a hobby, Mister Patton always has something for them. And when he wasn’t doing reader’s advisory, he was trying his darndest to diversify their collection, run storytimes for the littles, and set up a book club for those almost-teens. Sure, most days he went home completely exhausted, feet aching in his sneakers, a dull headache poking at the back of his eyes, but it was all worth it. Even on the days that he had to deal with parents who tried to force their kids to read their childhood favorites or parents who complained about Patton’s Pride Month book display (which he was very proud of) didn’t deter him from doing what he loved.

He never turned away a question or passed it along to a coworker. Sometimes he would ask for recommendations from his fellow librarians but for the most part, Patton stuck to his guns and did his best for every single patron that came in, regardless of what they wanted.

One afternoon, a tall man with glasses and a dark blue tie came in with his twin sons, one dressed in red and the other in green. Patton gave them a warm smile.

“Hello there! Is there anything I can help you find today?” He asked cheerfully, looking between the three. The boy in red spoke up first.

“Do you have any new fantasy books that have dragons and princes?” He asked excitedly. The boy in green rolled his eyes, and the dad set a hand on his shoulder.

“Roman doesn’t judge you for what you like to read, Remus, don’t judge him,” He said. Patton stood up from his seat behind the desk.

“Have you checked out our new books display?” He asked, walking the three over. “These three books right here are some incredible new fantasy books, perfect for kids your age who love knights and dragons. I’d take them all, give them a try. Always read the first few pages and if you can’t get into it, set it down and try something else. It’s never good to force yourself to read something you don’t want to, unless it’s for a school assignment,” Patton explained. Roman smiled brightly, taking the three books in his hands, turning towards his dad.

“Thanks!! Dad, can I go sit on a chair and start reading?” The man nodded and Roman leapt towards some of the reading chairs. Patton turned his gaze to the boy named Remus.

“Alright, and what are you looking for, kiddo?” He asked, smiling. Remus frowned, crossing his arms.

“Got any horror comics?” He asked. His dad sighed, but gave a nod to Patton, who led the two over to the graphic novel collection. He selected a few of the best comics for his age, and suggested some other ones. Remus went over to sit and read, and the dad smiled weakly.

“Thank you, er-”

“Patton,” He smiled, holding out his hand. The man took it and shook it once, the firm grip startling the librarian. “Or Mister Patton, whatever you’d prefer.”

“Logan,” was all that the tall man said, glancing over at his sons. “They’ve needed a distraction lately. I just adopted them. They’ve had a rough time at school, Remus especially. He can be… eccentric.”

“They seem like good kids. Probably a sign of their good father,” Patton said cheerfully. “They might be interested in our Dungeons and Dragons group, our writing club, or our book club. It could be a good way to help them meet kids who have similar interests.” Logan nodded, looking down. Patton started walking back to the desk. “Here, I’ve got a flyer with all of our kid and teen activities coming up for the next month. If you have any questions, my email address is on the bottom of the flyer.” Logan took it, smiling lightly.

“Thank you, I’ll see if they’re interested.”

“Alright, let’s pause the campaign there for now, kiddos,” Patton smiled, closing his DM notebook. “We’ll meet again next week to finish it off.” A chorus of thanks Mister Patton rang out throughout the meeting room as most of the kids left to go home. Patton glanced nervously at Remus and Roman, who left together but were chatting with a few other kids. He cleaned up the space and exited the room to see Logan standing there, waiting for his sons to finish chatting with their new friends. He had a faint smile on his face. Patton held the notebook and tote bag with his materials close to him and approached the man.

“They seem to be… doing well, now,” Logan mused, eyes focused on the twins. Both were talking animatedly, smiles on their faces. “Programs like this… it’s amazing.”

“Yeah,” Patton sighed happily. “That’s why I push so hard to have programs for the kiddos. Everyone needs a place to belong, even two kiddos who share the same face and DNA. And who have a pretty neat dad.”

“You put a lot of effort into these things, it’s amazing. So many kids show up and are interested in all of the programs you do, I don’t think it’s just that they need a space to fit into, but I think, in large part, it’s because you provide them with a welcoming space,” Logan watched as Remus walked over to the two. “You have a good time?”

“Yeah,” Was all that the boy said, watching his brother. “Can we go now?”

“Sure thing, go get your brother.”

Patton was walking the aisles of the grocery store, handbasket in tow, trying to figure out what he would make himself for dinner. He didn’t always love living on his own, especially when it meant lots of silent nights in front of the television, but at least he didn’t have to argue with anyone about what to eat.

“Mister Patton!” A voice rang out behind him. Patton spun around on his heel to see Roman dashing toward him, Remus pushing a cart and Logan not far behind. The dad waved a hand in greeting. “Mister Patton, are you shopping for your family’s dinner, too?”

“Oh, um,” Patton smiled weakly. “I don’t have a family, Roman. It’s just me. I’m doing my shopping for the week’s dinners.” Remus approached him, peering into the handbasket.

“Lots of microwavable meals in there,” He pointed out. Patton stammered, his face turning red. Logan sighed, adjusting his glasses as he turned to examine the poultry.

“M-Mostly for my lunches,” He explained. “Don’t worry, kiddos, I get my nutrients all good and well.” Remus raised an eyebrow. Roman looked to be deep in thought.

“You should have dinner with us, Mister Patton!” Roman finally exclaimed, then he ran over to Logan. “Dad, can we invite him over for dinner? Please?” Patton was at a loss for words.

“I don’t want to impose, really, I’m okay with making myself dinner,” He tried to make his voice as clear as possible but it wasn’t every day that he got invited to have dinner with someone other than his television. Logan sighed, nodded, and Roman bounded back over to Patton.

“Please, Mister Patton?” His eyes twinkled, and Patton’s heart gave a gentle tug. Kids asking him things with eyes like that was his biggest weakness, he could never turn down a kid with a soft voice and hopeful eyes. “We’re making roast chicken and veggies, and I’m going to try to make some cupcakes!”

“Thank you, Roman,” Patton smiled, “I’d love to join you, if it’s not too much of an issue.” He glanced over at Logan, who was setting some chicken in the cart.

“It’s no imposition. You’ve done great things for my sons thus far, and… cooking is sort of our way of thanking you, I suppose,” the tall man responded. Remus took a pen out of his pocket, grabbed Patton’s hand, and scribbled down their address and a phone number onto his palm.

“Here, now you’ll know where to go,” He said, tucking the pen back into his pocket. Patton smiled down at him, then at the writing on his hand. “I wrote my dad’s phone number, too. Just in case.”

“I’ll get it!” Roman exclaimed, running to the front door to open it. Patton stood there, changed out of the clothes he was wearing earlier and holding a gift bag. “Hi, Mister Patton!”

“Hi, Roman,” Patton smiled kindly, stepping inside. “Thank you for inviting me for dinner.” Remus came around the corner and hesitated, then waved at Patton. “Hi, Remus.”

“Hi,” He said before he walked into the kitchen. Patton followed Roman into the kitchen as well, and saw Logan chopping up some vegetables. Remus hopped up to sit on one of the empty counters. “Roman, what kind of cupcakes are they?”

“Lemon cupcakes, and I still need to make the raspberry frosting,” Roman responded, opening the fridge to take out some raspberry jam, butter, and milk. Patton set the gift bag on the table, watching the interactions in the kitchen quietly. “Mister Patton, do you like lemon and raspberry?” He went to the pantry to get the powdered sugar sugar and vanilla.

“Oh, yes, I do,” Patton responded. “Do you often bake cupcakes, Roman?”

“Not always cupcakes. I want to bake more. I like making cookies the most, I think, but last weekend I made a coffee cake for breakfast and it was really good,” Roman mused, starting to put the ingredients in a bowl to make the frosting. Logan put the veggies on a pan and put the pan into the oven, then turned around to look at the boys.

“It was a really good coffee cake,” Logan said, leaning against the counter. Patton glanced at the fridge, noticing all of the photos that had been put on it, the magnets around. He noticed a photo of the twins with a mom and a dad, but next to it was a photo of the twins with Logan, all three of them in suits, and a sign that said Adopted Today! held in front of them. Patton tore his eyes away from the photos and turned to Logan.

“I brought a small gift, as a thank-you for letting me join you,” He said, gesturing towards the gift bag. Logan raised an eyebrow and picked up the bag, opening it. He pulled the bottle of wine out. “I don’t know if you’re much of a wine-drinker, but it’s a pretty good bottle.”

“I do, actually. I’ll pour some for us to have with dinner.” Logan asked. He turned around and opened one of the cabinets, pulling two wine glasses out.

“These cupcakes are so delicious, Roman, I could have three more,” Patton said, licking the frosting off of his lips. “You really are an excellent baker.”

“Thanks, Mister Patton,” Roman smiled, a pink blush coating his cheeks. “Dad, we should make sure to send him home with some leftovers!” Logan nodded, taking another bite of his cupcake.

“Alright, it’s getting late, you two should both go finish up any homework and then go to bed,” He said, earning a groan from both of the twins. “No grumbling, boys.”

“But we have a guest,” Remus muttered, wiping the excess frosting off of his chin. “Can’t we stay up a little longer?”

“Now, kiddos, your dad is right. Homework is very important, and you can’t do well in school without a good night’s rest. I’ll be in the library tomorrow if you want to say hello,” Patton smiled. The boys both nodded, and Roman stood up, dashing up the stairs. Remus got up slower, hesitating, then he gave Patton a hug before running up after his twin.

“They seem to have taken quite a liking to you,” Logan mused, standing up and beginning to clear some of the plates. “Remus never hugs anyone, not even his friends.” Patton also stood, grabbing the plate with cupcakes. The two went into the kitchen and quietly put the food away, and Patton watched as Logan loaded the dishwasher.

“Can I ask… what happened to their parents?” Patton’s voice was hesitant, but Logan turned around, a firm look on his face.

“They were my students last year. Smart, good kids… and then their parents died in a car accident on the way to the school play.” Logan sighed, eyes trailing to the photo on the fridge. “They didn’t have any other family, no aunts or uncles, no grandparents, no close friends who could take them. I started fostering them, and after only a few days I put in the request to adopt them. And, a few weeks ago, they legally became my sons.”

“You’re a very kind person for doing that,” Patton said, wiping a tear from his eyes. “And… you don’t have a partner. You’re doing it all on your own.”

“The boys make it easy to love them and care for them,” Logan smiled. “When I found out they were going to be sent away, I just… something in me screamed no, you have to take them in, and so I did.” He crossed his arms, watching Patton carefully. “Remus was hesitant, at first, as expected. He didn’t have many friends before the accident, and after… a lot of the other kids avoided the two of them. They really only had each other.”

“And you,” Patton pointed out. “They’re very lucky to have someone who cares for them so deeply, Logan. My mom raised me on her own, and when I was 18 she passed away. I didn’t have anyone. You gave these boys a second chance, you know.”

“Is that why you went into children’s librarianship?” Logan asked. He sat down at the table and Patton sat next to him.

“I went into it because books were my saving grace as a kid. I didn’t have a lot of friends, but the characters in books… they were there for me,” Patton twisted his fingers together. “The librarians who helped me find those books quite literally saved my life. And I figured that there are kids now who need that same thing, and that I want to be that person for them.”

“That’s why I became a teacher,” Logan was still watching Patton’s face very carefully. Patton reached his hand out and took Logan’s in his. “Despite all of the things about teaching that are hard, helping kids figure out their passions and seeing them grow into awesome humans… it’s all worth it.” He squeezed Patton’s hand.

Outside the kitchen, Remus and Roman were in their pajamas, peeking in. They shared a glance and went back upstairs quietly and into Roman’s room. Roman sat on the bed and Remus on the floor.

“You think Dad likes Mister Patton?” Remus asked hesitantly. Roman nodded.

“I like him a lot, Re. Maybe… maybe he could be our other new dad.” Roman pulled a notebook out from under his bed along with a pen, and opened it. “We should figure out ways to get them together.”

“...what if Mister Patton doesn’t like Dad back? Or… what if he doesn’t want us around?” Remus’ voice was wavering. Roman shook his head.

“I think they like each other. Or… they will, once we push them together.”

“Okay, so here’s the plan for today. You’re going to leave your bag behind after the book club meeting, so that Mister Patton has to call Dad,” Roman and Remus were huddled together outside the meeting room. Roman’s notebook was open and in their hands, a complicated timeline plotted out. “When he drops off the backpack, we’ll invite him to join us for dinner. Get them to drink some wine, maybe try to encourage a movie night…”

“This seems kind of obvious and cliche, Ro,” Remus muttered, crossing his arms. “What if we invite Mister Patton to join us for our Sunday morning hike? Or… lock them in a closet together?”

“I like the hike idea, maybe we can suggest that at dinner,” Roman said, scribbling it into his notebook. “We should start slow and simple, and then work our way up to the more intense, more thorough methods.”

“What if the simple methods work really well, though? I want my ideas used, too,” Remus pouted, watching as the other kids filed into the meeting room. Patton approached the room, books and materials in tow.

“Hey, it’s my two favorite twins!” He said cheerfully. “How are you boys doing today?” He stepped into the meeting room, the twins following close behind. The room slowly filled up, the meeting began, and at the end of the meeting, Remus “forgot” his bag.

Logan was startled to feel his phone buzz in his pocket. He was making dinner, some baked potato soup. He pulled the phone out of his pocket to see an unknown number calling, but he picked up anyway. “This is Logan Crofters, how can I help you?”

“Hey, Logan! It’s Patton Hart from the library. It seems like Remus left his bag at the end of book club today,” The voice rang clearly from the other side. Logan sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Okay, I can come by to pick it up from the library later–”

“Oh, well we’ve already closed for the day, but I have the bag and I can drop it off at your house if it’s not an issue,” Patton responded. “It’s no problem, really, your house is on my route home.”

“If it’s not too much of a problem, then yeah, that would be really great, thank you,” Logan eyed the twins carefully as they stepped into the living room. “Thank you again.”

“See you soon!” Patton hung up the call, and Logan stuffed his phone back into the pocket of his jeans. He crossed his arms, giving a firm look to the boys.

“What was that all about, Dad?” Roman asked, an innocent twinkle in his eyes. Remus sat down at the table, head down.

“It was Mister Patton. Apparently, Remus left his bag in the meeting room after book club today,” Logan said. He turned to stir the soup. “You’re not usually one to forget things, Remus. Is everything alright?”

“I must have just been… distracted. By our new friends,” Remus said, voice low. Logan raised an eyebrow at him, and he looked down.

“Right. Well, he’s going to come by and drop off the bag, so when there’s a knock at the door, you need to be sure to apologize to him for going out of his way to bring it,” Logan instructed. Roman hopped up on one of the counters.

“Can we invite him inside for dinner again?” He asked, twirling a strand of his hair between his fingers. “It’s been a few weeks since he joined us that one time.” Logan sighed again, but nodded.

“Only if he agrees, don’t beg him to join us this time, okay? He does have his own life,” Logan reminded him.

A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door, and the twins went to go and answer it. Roman smiled cheerfully at Patton, who was holding Remus’ bag carefully. “Hey, kiddos. Here you go, Remus.” Remus took the bag gently.

“Thanks, Mister Patton. Sorry that you had to come out of your way to bring it to me,” He said, head down. Patton just smiled.

“It’s no problem at all,” He said. Roman noticed that the librarian peered a little bit around the two, and he wondered if he was looking for Logan. “Well, I should get going. Tell your dad hi for me, okay?”

“You don’t want to come in to say hi? Or you could join us for dinner, we’re making baked potato soup for dinner, and there are some brownies that I made last night,” Roman started, but Patton waved his hands in denial.

“No, really, it’s okay kiddos, I have to work tomorrow and today was kind of a long day,” He smiled still, glancing down for half a second. Logan stepped out of the kitchen just as he was looking back up, and the librarian gulped. Logan’s tie was loose around his neck and the sleeves of his dress shirt were pushed up. His glasses sat on the top of his head.

“Boys, I told you to not beg him to stay if he didn’t want to,” Logan reprimanded them, then turned to look at Patton. “Sorry, Patton.”

“I-um, well… I suppose I could stay for a bit…” Patton’s face reddened and he looked down. “I was just going to have my lunch leftovers for dinner, anyways.” The twins shared a knowing glance.

“But you just said you had a long day and have to work tomorrow,” Remus muttered, raising an eyebrow. Patton stammered, his words not coming out clearly.

“Well, come on in, Mister Patton!” Roman said cheerfully, stepping aside to allow the librarian to enter. They all went into the kitchen, and the boys each hopped up on the counter spaces, raising eyebrows. “So, you work on Saturdays, Mister Patton? What about Sundays?”

“The library is closed on Sundays, so that’s the day I usually get things done around my apartment, run errands, and the like. I don’t usually work on Saturdays, but we have an event tomorrow,” Patton explained, taking a seat at the table.

“You should join us on our Sunday morning hike! We hike every week, and it’s really nice,” Roman suggested. Logan turned away, tending to the soup again, making Remus raise an eyebrow. “Do you like hiking?”

“Oh gosh, I haven’t had the time to go on a hike… in a really long time,” Patton mused, resting his chin on his hand, his elbow sturdy on the table. “I used to hike a lot in my college days, but it’s not as fun on your own.”

“Then you should definitely join us,” Remus piped up from his spot on the counter. “It’s such a beautiful hike. We all leave our phones at home and just talk and look at nature. It’s pretty great, right Dad?”

“It is a really great hike,” Logan replied. “Soup’s done. Remus, would you get me some bowls, please?” Remus did so, settling the bowls down next to the stove. Logan began ladling the soup into each bowl, handing them to Remus to set on the table.

“Yeah, I’d love to join you, then.”

“Alright, here we are,” Logan said, turning off the car. The twins scrambled out of the backseat and outside, and Patton got out from the passenger’s seat, putting his sun hat on. Logan got out of the driver’s seat and locked the car, watching as the twins ran to start the hike. The two men followed close behind.

“It’s beautiful out here,” Patton said quietly, looking around, a smile on his face. Logan watched him carefully, the smell of sunscreen emanating from the librarian, his polo and shorts flowing gently in the wind.

“Yeah…” Logan mused, turning his direction back to the twins. “Don’t go too far ahead, boys!” Roman continued walking but turned around, giving two thumbs up. Patton giggled a little bit, startling the teacher.

“They’re quite energetic kiddos,” He said, meeting Logan’s eyes. “But they’re really great.” Logan nodded but said nothing as they continued walking up the hill. Up ahead, the twins were nudging each other, kicking rocks, and laughing, and Logan smiled.

“Sometimes I wonder if I’m enough for them. Maybe they need more than just me.” Patton wrinkled his nose at this.

“Why wouldn’t you be enough for them? You’re such a great father, and it shows,” Patton said, twisting his hands together. “Sure, they had two parents before, but not every kid needs two parents. I had a single mom, and I turned out okay.”

“More than just okay,” Logan said under his breath, so that Patton couldn’t hear him. “I don’t know, it’s just… they’re very touchy, and I’m… not. They want to hug and snuggle, and I can’t provide that for them, at least not in a way where I’m also comfortable.” Patton looked over at Logan, who was wearing his button-up with the sleeves rolled up and workout pants, his eyes focused, facing forward, and he gulped a little. Logan also had a backpack with snacks, water, and a first aid kit, just in case.

“I think that they can understand that,” Patton responded, finally turning his gaze back to the path in front of them. Remus was giving Roman a piggyback ride up the hill, and the two men could hear the boys pretending to be a knight and a horse in battle. “They have each other to snuggle with, at least.”

“Do you have any siblings, Patton?” Logan asked, also watching the boys. “I’m an only child, but I have a few cousins who I was close to in childhood.”

“I’m also an only child, and I didn’t have any cousins, at least that I’m aware of,” Patton said, eyes drifting down. “My dad left when I was three, and I don’t know much about him. I’ve been trying to find him for years, for medical record purposes, but I can’t seem to track him down. I don’t think he wants to be found.”

“He’s a fool, then,” Logan sputtered out, then he covered his mouth. Patton raised an eyebrow, giggling softly. “Sorry. I know he’s your father. But anyone who doesn’t want anything to do with you is an idiot, and they don’t deserve to be in your life.”

“That’s very kind of you to say, Logan. Thank you.” Patton said, and the two fell into a comfortable silence, climbing the hill steadily, the twins always in view. Logan, deep in thought, glanced back over at the librarian.

“I mean it, Patton. You’re an incredible person, not just in your career but in how you are around the boys,” He smiled at Patton, who blushed and looked down. The librarian stumbled over a branch, falling forward, but he was caught by two strong hands. His hand still scraped the ground, and he winced. “Whoah! You alright?” Logan sat down on the ground, pulling Patton down too, and inspected his palms. “You’re a little scratched up.”

��I’m alright,” Patton said, looking down, face red. He couldn’t get the feeling of having Logan’s hands on him out of his mind. Logan shook his head, removing the backpack and digging in it for the first aid kit. He got some sanitizing wipes, and took Patton’s hands in his own, wiping off the pebbles and dirt. Logan was focused as he put a bandaid over the scratch on the librarian’s palm. The twins came bounding up to them.

“Mister Patton, are you okay?” Roman’s voice was concerned, and Remus got on the ground next to them watching carefully as Logan made sure everything was okay with Patton’s hands.

“I’m fine, boys, don’t worry, just a little stumble. If your dad hadn’t caught me…” Patton’s words trailed off, and Logan put the first aid kid back into the backpack. The teacher stood up first, and then held his hand out to help Patton up. He took it, and their eyes met, a blush covering both of their faces. Roman coughed a little, pulling Remus away, and the twins walked a ways away, but kept glancing back. Logan still hadn’t let go of Patton’s hand, though. “Um…” Patton looked down, his blush deepening.

Logan hesitated, then decided that he needed to do or say something, because not saying or doing anything was eating him alive. He couldn’t hide it anymore. He didn’t want to hide it anymore. So he took Patton’s chin in his spare hand, tilted his face up, and kissed him gently. Patton gasped, but didn’t pull away; instead, he wrapped his arm around Logan’s neck, pulling him closer, their kiss deepening.

The twins were losing their minds, cheering and jumping for joy.

several months later...

Patton unlocked the door and stepped in. He closed the door quietly behind him, then peeked into the kitchen to see Roman stirring some cake batter and Remus chopping some fruit. He stayed quiet, going into the living room, where Logan was putting up a sign that read “Happy Birthday!”

“Hey,” Patton finally spoke, startling the teacher. Logan set the banner down, then approached the librarian, hugging him close and kissing him.

“Welcome home, babe,” He said, leaning down to kiss Patton again. “Happy birthday.”

“You didn’t need to do all of this, Lo…” Patton’s face was bright red as he glanced at all of the decorations and the pile of gifts on the coffee table. “But… thank you.” He leaned up to kiss Logan again, but was nearly knocked over by the force of two preteens joining the hug.

“Patton!” The twins cheered in unison. “Happy birthday!” Patton laughed, hoping that Logan would be able to keep all of them from losing their balance.

“Thanks, boys,” Patton said. The hug finally broke, and the twins went back into the kitchen to finish the cake. The librarian took a breath and sat on the couch, watching Logan carefully. “Hey, Lo?”

“Yeah, what is it?” Logan asked, going to finish putting the banner up. He didn’t look back down at Patton until the banner was up, and when he saw his boyfriend next, the man was on one knee, holding a ring out. Logan gasped, then fell into a fit of laughter as he took a ring out of his pocket, getting on his knee in front of Patton.

“I guess that’s a ‘yes’, then?” Patton giggled, tears trickling down his cheeks.

“I had a huge thing prepared,” Logan sighed. “The twins were going to play a song for you.” He scooted a little closer to Patton, then kissed him. “But yes, of course Patton. Yes.” A flash startled the two of them, and they glanced over to see the twins. Roman had his phone in his hand, taking pictures. Remus was pouting a little.

“Aw, man, he ruined the plan!” He said. Logan and Patton laughed, kissing again, then they stood up, sliding the rings onto each others’ fingers. The twins bounded towards them, and they fell into another group hug. “Does that mean we can call Patton ‘Papa’ now?”

“Of course, kiddo.” Patton smiled. Logan wiped a tear from his fiance’s cheek, and held his family close together.

“I love you,” He whispered into the librarian’s ear. Patton smiled, kissing him again.

“I love you too, Logan.”

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rohad93 · 4 years

Text

Moonlit Masquerade: Sandcastles pt 2

i hate editing super long documents so this is gonna be in a few parts.

Amity isn't having the best week.

Sunday felt like it lasted forever, stuffed into an itchy, uncomfortable dress that her mother had picked for her to wear to her party where she had to spend several hours with a fake smile plastered on her face, till her cheeks hurt, playing her part along with the twins.

She's pressured into a few dances with the children of their parents' coworkers and it hits her that the same songs, that feel so short when she dances with Luz, can feel so agonizingly long with their clammy hands on hers and their much too stiff grip on her waist.

Songs aren’t nearly long enough when her girlfriend holds her and spins her around. It makes her feel light and she doesn't think she could possibly dance better then she does with Luz.

She feels slow and jerky dancing with the other children of her parents’ blueblood, society friends.

They smile in a way they think must be charming and dashing, but Amity knows better. Most of them are just as scheming and devious as their parents or just as uninterested in all of this as she is.

She was looking forward to Monday if for no other reason than to get out of her house and see Luz, which she did, just not as much as usual.

She had to go home straight after school to help Eda, which did happen sometimes.

She at least had Tuesday to look forward to, but the next day as she was arriving at school her scroll beeped with a message from Luz, saying she wasn’t going to be at school today, which yeah, was pretty disappointing. Tuesday had become her favorite day of the school week, even if her ability to take notes and pay attention to the teacher did slip quite noticeably on that particular day of the week.

Wednesday comes and Luz does come to school, with a bandage on her forehead, claiming she fell on the stairs, which is on par for her, but it’s quickly forgotten, along with Monday and Tuesday when she yanks Amity into a concealed corner to kiss her while their friends play watch.

Lunch is normal enough, even though she tells her that she has to go straight home again after school, she at least got to see her today so she’ll make do.

On Thursday Luz arrives late, so they miss each other, and is then curiously absent from lunch, though she sends her a message saying they finally can spend some time together after school, but Luz seems distracted when she arrives.

They’re lounging around their secret room, reading and normally Luz is much more animated when they read Azura, but today she seems lost in thought.

“Are you okay?” Amity finally asks from her place reclined against her girlfriend’s chest.

They’ve been sitting on the floor, Luz’s back against the cushions with Amity sitting between her legs, back against her chest while she holds the third Azura book they’ve been rereading in her hands.

Luz has been strangely quiet, running her index finger over the tip of one of Amity’s pointed ears distractedly. She’s become quite used to being in intimate proximity to Luz but her face is still pink regardless, though faint. She’s beginning to get a little worried. Luz is hardly this quiet for this long, it’s a little unnerving.

“Hmm?” Luz hums questioningly and Amity knows she hasn’t been listening to anything she’s been reading either. “Sorry, what?” Luz glances down at her and mercifully the finger running over her ear stops as well.

Amity tilts her head back to look at her.

“I asked if you were okay,” she repeats the question.

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine, why?” she cocks her head.

“You’ve just been quiet today and you've been really busy and I...,” she trails off not sure how to say ‘You’ve been busy and I miss you’ without coming off as clingy or needy, because really, it's just been a few days; but the limited time they have together before or after school and on Tuesdays is special to her, and she finds herself not at all liking the sudden deprivation from it.

She doesn’t have to say it though. Luz’s confused face slowly turns into a grin as she looks down at her.

“Have you been lonely without me, Amity?” She asks in a syrupy sweet and knowing voice that makes Amity turn red and scowl at the same time.

Amity just huffs, turning away and Luz grins at the back of her head and wraps her arms around her, squeezing her close and pressing a kiss to her the back of her head.

“Lo siento, mi amor. Eda has just been working on a big project and has been needing my help."

Amity relaxes into her hold, mock annoyance, and any real annoyance or loneliness she’s been feeling at Luz’s sudden absence this week, fading as she holds her tightly. She has to remind herself that she can tell Luz anything without fear of judgment or being made fun of. It’s still a strange thing to her.

“I understand I just…” her face remains pink as she mumbles something under her breath.

“What was that?” Luz blinks and whatever she said is repeated at the same volume.

“Uh, one more time?” Luz asks and Amity makes an annoyed sound in her throat.

“I said… I miss you,” she finally says loud enough for her to hear, but the tone is soft, fragile. “I miss you when we’re not together,” she mumbles, but Luz hears her and is glad that Amity is still facing away from her so she can’t see the teary doe-eyed look she’s giving her.

“I miss you too, Amity.” She sat her chin on her shoulder and squeezed.

Amity broke into a wide grin as Luz smooshed her face against hers.

“Maybe... we could hang out this weekend? My family has a beach house on the southern side of the Isles and the twins got them to let the three of us go over for the long weekend by ourselves… would you like to go?” She glanced back and frowned upon seeing the grimace on luz’s face. “You’re busy aren’t you?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah… since they can’t use magic to carry things it’s all hands on deck for the monthly supply run Saturday.” Luz frowned, especially as she watched the way her girlfriend's face fell. Sure, she was lying for the greater good, and Amity would be so excited tomorrow when they surprised her, but that didn’t make the disappointed look on her face any easier to see right now.

“I’m sorry…,” Luz started but Amity shook her head.

“It’s okay… I understand,” she assured with a small smile, but Luz knows better, she's gotten good at reading Amity's face and the tone of her voice; she's disappointed.

“When Eda's project is done we'll spend a whole weekend together, I promise, mi amor." She squeezes Amity close and smiles knowingly into her hair.

"Soon, I hope," Amity sighs, leaning into her hold, deciding to just enjoy the time they have now

'much sooner than you think' Luz thinks to herself.

When their time together is done for the day Luz hurries home through the portal and runs straight to her room to get her stuff ready.

Gus and Willow will be there before noon tomorrow so they can take her portal glyph to the beach house. She's been practicing with it and the size of the glyph doesn't seem to matter. It just needs to be big enough to walk through, and she can be anywhere on the Isles near instantly.

Out of curiosity she tried one and thought of the human world, but it went nowhere.

Much as she hates to think it, she can't find it in herself to be disappointed. No one can say she didn't try though.

Her bag is packed and ready by the door, along with the box of decorations the twins had given her at lunchtime today. Since she, Willow, and Gus will get there first, they're on decoration duty.

Next to it are two cardboard boxes of her surprise for Amity and she grins to herself at the thought.

Amity hadn't expressly forbidden her from buying her presents but she didn't like Luz buying her stuff when they went out by themselves or with their friends.

She told her she felt bad when Luz spent her limited funds on her.

So Luz had come up with a rather ingenious gift if she does say so herself. Something they don't have on the Boiling Isles.

She couldn't believe her luck when she'd been digging through one of Eda's human junk piles in one of the spare rooms.

Two large boxes full of the stuff.

She ran to Eda asking if she could have them and Eda waves a hand.

"Whatever you want in there, take it, Kid."

She couldn't wait to see the look on Amity's face. Everyone else's too.

It takes her a while to go to sleep that night, she's so excited she tosses and turns a while and King gets fed up with her and stalks off to Eda's room, mumbling under his breath.

She wakes up before dawn the next day and jumps out of bed and dresses before quickly running down the stairs.

Lilith is sitting at the table having her customary cup of morning tea when Luz skids into the kitchen. The elder Clawthorne smiles at her, though far more subdued then the manic one on the human's face.

"Let's get baking!" Luz throws up her hands and Lilith chuckles.

"Very well."

A few hours later the sun has risen and Eda and King have finally come downstairs, groggy and eyes barely open just as Luz is boxing up the cake.

"All done?" Eda mumbles as she pours herself some apple blood.

"Yup, just waiting on Gus and Willow!" She grins setting the cake box down the table and swats at King's hand as he reaches for it.

"No, King, that's for Amity's party," she scolds and the tiny demon grumbles, glaring up at her.

"Everything you do is for that cupcake smasher!" he squeals with rage at being denied.

"I do not!" Luz argues.

"Yes, you do!" King stands in the chair, pointing a tiny clawed hand at her.

"Well…!" Luz pauses not sure what to say to that. Maybe she does do a lot for Amity, but Amity does just as much for her, so she fails to see how that's a bad thing.

Eda is watching her and grins.

Luz of course talked her ear off about their date under the grom tree last month, including her impromptu confession of love.

She'd just been nodding along, half-listening, flipping through a book as Luz waxed poetic about how 'amazing' and 'romantic' it was until the words: "Then I accidentally said I loved her out loud…"

That made her sit up and pay attention.

Luz had a tendency to get carried away and she was suddenly worried she'd… how did the kid put it? 'jumped the gun?'

She listened much closer to the rest of the story.

"Did you mean it?" Eda asked her when she finishes.

"Huh?" Luz looked up at her.

"Do you love her?" the older witch clarified.

"Oh…" Luz looked away, smiling dopily to herself. "Yeah… I did mean it. I do love her." She nodded.

"How do you know?" Eda pressed and Luz looked at her confused and Eda frowned, trying to think of a way to word it that wouldn't burst Luz's bubble if she was wrong. She just wants to protect her kid.

"Look, Luz, I know you like her a lot, believe me, and I'm not trying to say you couldn't love her, but you are still young and you do tend to get ahead of yourself…, so I'm just asking, how do you know you love her?" she words carefully. This is new territory for Eda.

'The talk' she can give, she's plenty familiar with that, but love? That's never been her strong suit, and she has a long trail of broken relationships behind her to prove it.

Luz pursed her lips, trying to think of a way to explain it to her mentor, whose right of course. She knows she's still young and stuff, she's famous for leaping before she looks, but Luz also knows her feelings. She's spent enough time alone with only her feelings to know how to read them, she's had crushes, but she's never felt anything like this before.

"Being with Amity… makes me happier than I've ever been…, then I thought I could be…," she starts slowly. "And I want to make her happy too… and I'd do anything to do that." She looks up at Eda, who's staring back at her with an unreadable expression.

"Alright," she finally says.

"Alright?" Luz repeats, blinking. Eda nods.

"If you say you love her, I believe you."

Luz smiles at her.

"And if she breaks your heart, we'll feed her to Hooty…" she grins wickedly making Luz squawk.

"Eda!"

"Well…" Luz hesitates, trying to figure out what to say.

"You love her, that’s how it goes," Eda says with a shrug, drawing everyone's gaze.

""Edalyn, they've only been together-" whatever else Lilith is going to say it's cut off by Luz who grins.

"Yeah," she says with a grin. "And Amity loves me, so we do things to make each other happy,” she tells the demon looking up at her grumpily. “I love you too though." She bends down and kisses the top of King's head and he makes a little squealing sound. "But this is for Amity, I'll make a cake for you next weekend," she promises, and then there's a knock on the door. "Gus and Willow are here!" She sprints out of the room leaving a grinning Eda, a stunned Lilith, and a happily squeaking King in her wake.

Lilith looks to her sister who is grinning behind her cup, looking where Luz has disappeared into the living room, where she and her friends' voices are coming from.

"You knew about this?" she asks.

"Mhmm," is her sister's answer.

"And you didn't talk to her?" Lilith cocks a brow as Eda's eyes slide to look at her.

"I did," she says, then takes a loud slurp from her cup.

"And?"

"And she loves her." Eda shrugs. "What do you want from me?"

"Edalyn, she's fourteen, how could she possibly know that?" Lilith sighs, rubbing her temples. Eda leans back in her chair, holding up her cup and giving her sister a deadpan look.

"And how can we know she isn't?" she retorts.

"They… they…!" Lilith holds up her hands, trying to decide what to say.

"Look, the kid and I talked. She says she's in love and I believe it. I honestly think Luz would put her life on the line for that girl, and I don't think I'm wrong when I say the same thing for Amity, heck, I watched her jump in front of Luz to protect her from Grom, and that was before they were dating!" Eda threw up a hand.

Lilith looks toward the living room where they can hear the kids talking.

"I suppose time will tell…," she hums.

Eda just grunts in response, much to her sister's annoyance.

"Perhaps you really should give her… a talk…," Lilith says after a moment and Eda snorts into her cup, laughing.

"Already covered, in great, embarrassing detail," she says proudly.

"No doubt." Lilith rolls her eyes and her sister only grins.

Luz dashes back into the kitchen and carefully picks up the box containing the cake.

"We're heading out," she says. Eda stands and walks over.

"Have fun, kid." She ruffles Luz's hair, making her grin.

"Ah, Luz, before you go, I have something for you to take." Lilith pulls a small dark blue wrapped gift from her pocket and sets it gently atop The cake box. "Something for Amity I would like her to have… only if she wants it…," she explains.

Luz looks at the small gift before looking up at Lilith and nodding with a smile.

With that, she turns and walks quickly but carefully out of the kitchen.

A few minutes later a portal blazed to life in front of the owl house and then all the kids are gone.

"What'cha give the kid?" Eda asks curiously, glancing at Lilith out of the corner of her eye.

"Something I hope she finds useful…"

"I hate it when you're cryptic…" Eda grumbles and Lilith smirks.

#Moonlit Masquerade #lumity #Luz Noceda #Amity Blight #Eda Clawthorne #Lillith Clawthorne #King #the owl house #toh #fic

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marcholasmoth · 3 years

Text

OSRR: 2620

today was a good day.

i was on time (but forgot to go to class on time, rip), i was brought cupcakes by my coworker (which i only got to try one of today and it was DELICIOUS), i helped a bunch of different people (i legit didn't stop running around until 2:30, which was half an hour before i was supposed to leave), i left on time today (which was nice), i went to starbucks for my free birthday drink (it was the third one i had to go to that was actually open, AND they had hazelnut back in stock so like. Best Day Ever. it's been out for AGES. all i wanted was my hazelnut hot chocolate. it just wasn't the same all this time) (and the guy at the window had naruto pins and a one piece hat and i played go!! by flow while i was sitting at the window because i was like "this one's for you, anime guy"), i went home and helped my mom set up for dinner (all sorts of cute things, including a birthday banner, a "the party is here" sign, disney princess table covers, and tiny bud vases with roses in them were all set up already, so i just needed to find the plates and stuff), i helped with the dishes, i went with my mom to pick up dinner (and the guy at the front desk who went to get it all and bring it out to us also brought a slice of pumpkin pie because i said it was my birthday, which was nice because that's my favorite kind of pie), i had dinner with my parents and my sister and her husband, and it was really nice to have them around and to have good food, and mom made this cake she brought out after dinner that was four layers of dark chocolate cake with chocolate mousse in between the layers and it was fucking delicious and i want nothing except that for the rest of my life (fortunately because the cake was so goddamn huge it may be true lmao), and i opened the cards from my parents and my grandmother and the gift from the eggs (my mom is making me a bathrobe with long sleeves and good pockets, my grandma got me a $20 starbucks gift card, and the eggs got me a set of shiny click clacks that are glittery and blue green and SO pretty and i love them), and after the eggs left i helped my mom clean up the space, and then i sat and played animal crossing, and i wrote a bunch of reminders on sticky notes because i don't remember what i need for tomorrow, and i came upstairs and i folded my laundry and put it all in neat piles, and i'm now in bed and about to put my phone down so i can sleep, and i generally speaking had a really great day.

i exchanged a few texts with joel today, and he wished me a happy birthday, but i still haven't heard from riot. :c

otherwise, spectacular day. i hope they also had a spectacular day.

#molly rambles #operation srr #osrr #2000s #2600s #sunshine boy #ff i miss you #kaiku

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haberdashing · 3 years

Text

The Nose Knows?

Best Revenge AU of Gravity Falls (superhero AU + Angie and the Gucks); Bethany makes some unexpected discoveries regarding her civilian coworker Angie.

on AO3

While few visits to the hospital were happy ones, especially for masks like Bethany for whom bodily injury was simply part of the trade, she was actually looking forward to this one.

Her coworker from her civilian job at the zoo, a nice woman named Angie, had just had a baby, and Bethany was glad to be there to support her however she could, especially since the road had been a bit of a rocky one for poor Angie lately. (Bethany was pretty sure she didn’t know the whole story, and pretty sure that she didn’t want to know the whole story either, but between a bitter divorce and getting pregnant not long after meeting her new beau, Angie deserved a minute to just breathe, to appreciate what she had now rather than what she’d lost.)

As Bethany approached Angie’s hospital room, though, her superpowered nose kicked in to make her aware of a few familiar scents along the way. She could smell Angie, of course, and what must be her newborn baby as well, but also...

Was that Bethany’s coworker she smelled there? And- and the other person in there, was that Undertow, one of the supervillains she’d fought time and time again?

Bethany hoped she’d mistaken the scents, but they just grew stronger as she hurried her pace, clearly coming from the same area where Angie herself was.

What were a superhero and a supervillain doing in Angie’s hospital room? Were they fighting? Angie was just a civilian, she didn’t deserve to be caught in the middle of this-

Bethany’s heart was racing as she opened the door to find... not the chaos she’d expected, not a fight in the making, but Angie holding her baby with a grin on her face while two men peacefully stood by her side.

“Oh, hey, Bethany. C’mon in.” Angie said, gesturing for Bethany to come closer, which she did with only a hint of hesitation. Clearly her first impression had been mistaken here...

“This here is Lute, my brother.” Bethany took a breath in through her nose as unobtrusively as she could manage to make sure she could tell who was who. Undertow. Without the mask, the resemblance between the two siblings was clear enough.

“Nice to meet ya.” Bethany extended her hand, and Undertow--Lute--shook it.

“Likewise.”

“And this is Stan, I know I’ve told you about him.” And he must be the coworker she knew, then, the guy with teleportation powers; he didn’t get out on the field often or make much in the way of small talk, but he made a damn fine secretary for the heroes. He wasn’t wearing his glasses now--was that his version of masking up, then?

“Right, yes, Stan, good to, uh, meet you too.” Another handshake, firm and strong on both sides.

“I hope you’ve told her good things about me, Ang.”

“I’ve told her the truth, Stan, for better or for worse, so that’ll hafta do. Speaking of, Stan, Lute, Bethany works with me at the zoo. I’m glad y’all are finally meeting each other.”

“Yeah, thanks for introducing me as I... meet everybody here for the first time.” They didn’t know who she was, did they? Or... Stan should, at least, since he’d see her both masked and unmasked. But had Undertow just learned her secret identity just as she had learned his?

“Uh-huh.” Stan didn’t look as out of his depths as Bethany felt right now; she couldn’t help but envy him a bit for that.

“Well, not everybody. I’ve met ya before, of course. But I know who you’re really here to meet, and little Junior is right here... uh, you feeling alright, Beth? You look a little pale.”

Bethany took a deep breath and tried to stop feeling like the world was crashing down around her. “Yeah, I’m fine, don’t worry about it.” She inched in closer, getting a good look at the baby. “So. Junior, huh?”

Bethany was close enough to Angie that she figured dropping by her place--her current place, anyway, as she was pretty sure her and her boyfriend were looking to move out sooner rather than later--unannounced wouldn’t be a big deal. Work was stressing her out some, especially with hero duties on top of it all, and she could use a friendly face and someone who’d be willing to just listen as she aired out all her grievances. Plus, who could stay stressed for too long when getting to see someone’s precious baby boy?

A quick knock on the door, and Angie opened it soon enough, the smile on her face making it clear that Bethany had made the right call.

“Hey, Bethany! C’mon in.”

A sweet scent wafted in from the kitchen as Bethany stepped inside.

“Ooh, what are you baking?”

Bethany headed into the kitchen, where she wasn’t all that surprised to see that Stan was in there, helping with the baking. Part of Bethany’s mind wandered to Angie’s ex, Max--he might have just stood back and watched as Angie baked, seen baking as women’s work and thus beneath him, but Stan wasn’t like that. Though if he didn’t really need those glasses, he probably shouldn’t leave them on in the middle of such a messy activity...

“I was just helping Angie make cupcakes for the bake sale.”

“Good timing, too, we could use another taste-tester--here, try this and tell me if it’s too salty.”

Angie held out a cupcake, but before Bethany could reach it Angie slipped and the cupcake went flying, icing covering Bethany’s sweater before the cupcake hit the ground with a moist splat.

“Oh dear.”

“I am so sorry! You can wash up in the bathroom if you’d like--it’s just down the hall, first door on the left.”

Bethany nodded, grateful that the sweater she had on today wasn’t one of her nicer ones--she’d known that coming to a house with an infant in it came with its fair share of messes, but a rogue cupcake wasn’t one she’d anticipated!

When she tried the first door on the left, though, it was locked.

“Occupado!” said a rough, gravelly voice that seemed oddly familiar; Bethany considered trying to sniff out the source, but there were too many smells around for her to make it out, and besides, the smell coming from the bathroom right now was a lot less sweet than that of the cupcakes baking...

“Uh, who’s using your bathroom?”

“Oh, that’s Stan.” Angie said, her voice calm. “He just got back from work, he won’t be long.”

“That’s... Stan...” Bethany looked over at the man in the kitchen who she had assumed to be Stan. “Then who’s with you in the kitchen?”

“That’s Ford, Stan’s brother. He’s been visitin’.”

“Have we met?” Ford said. “You do look awfully familiar...”

The bathroom door opened, and out emerged Stan, who indeed looked startlingly similar to the man in the kitchen, albeit sans glasses--and he smelled startlingly similar, to boot. “My hands are clean now, time for that cupcake! Oh, hey Bethany, good to see ya!”

“There’s... two of ya...”

“You’ve heard of twins, right?” Stan said.

“Stan, don’t be rude!” Angie said.

“I mean, Junior gets confused, but he’s a baby...”

“Stan!” Angie fake-swatted at Stan with wooden spoon; Stan, for his part, mimed his painful and elaborate death by spoon before looking Angie’s way and grinning.

“I, uh...” Bethany struggled to get the words out as her head was spinning. “I might have misunderstood some things... care to explain while I see Junior getting confused over the twins?”

“Absolutely.” Angie said with a grin.

#gravity falls #gravity falls au #gf au #best revenge #best revenge au #personal #my writing

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revasserium · 4 years

Note

Hey! Can i please ask for 5 + Oikawa? Thanks!

hq!!reqs temporarily: closed ; all other reqs: open

send me a number a character and i’ll write you a drabble ;

5. love as one of the dead languages oikawa ; 3,718 words, assassin!au

a/n: this will… maybe. have a part 2… maybe.

for him, love was never a question, and death almost always the answer. it was never a question of why, only how and where and when. but then again, he’d never questioned the who either, assassination as a trade, or the stock of lives taken like tally-marks against his skin – sometimes, when he closes his eyes, he thinks he can hear them screaming.

the first time he meets you, it’s at the grocery store. you bump into him, one airpod hanging from your ear, a loaded shopping basket swinging from your arms. you turn with wide eyes and a cherry-stem mouth to apologize for not paying more attention.

he tells you it’s okay, smiles, and glances at the things in your basket.

“big party this weekend?”

you shake your head, grinning up at him, “nope! i just really like cooking. so i cook a ton of food and bring it to all my neighbors. there’s an old lady that lives two doors down from me who loves it! and she has the cutest cat – his name is mr. meowmers.”

oikawa blinks, your voice chiming through him like church bells, the sound of it something he doesn’t think he’ll forget in a hurry. there’s a light in your eyes that makes him wonder if you’ve ever tasted the pain of heartbreak, another part of him that hopes (wishes, like a child on a shooting start) that you won’t ever have to.

“ah…” is all he musters before you’re off again.

“he’s a really cute cat, but i think i’m a little allergic. i always get the sniffles when i visit them. or maybe it’s just cause the old lady hasn’t dusted in like… 87 years.”

oikawa laughs, and the realization shocks even himself. when was the last time he’d laughed like that – a completely unweaponized thing, reactionary and natural. he tries to think back and finds that he can’t remember.

“oh shit! sorry, i’ve gotta go – the weather forecast said it was gonna rain and i left the goats out on the window. bye! and sorry again for bumping into you!”

he doesn’t have the chance to ask you your name; he spends the remainder of his shopping trip wondering why he’d ever want such a thing. it’s not like him to be so… sentimental.

two days later, he moves into a new safehouse. and it’s in a nice enough building, if a little dated (built in the 80′s, or something like that), doorman and mailroom – he thinks he’ll be sad to leave. it isn’t till he hears someone knocking on his door that he frowns, pressing the large sniper rifle he’d been assembling back into its case and kicking the entire thing under the couch before peering cautiously into the peephole.

his stomach drops out of his body at the sight of your face.

your cheeks a little pink, your bottom lip caught in your teeth.

you reach out to knock again, but oikawa pulls the door open with a colgate smile.

“hi! i’m sorry to bother – oh! it’s you!”

you blink up at him as he leans casually against the doorframe, wondering what on earth you’re doing here.

“ah – yes, it’s me,” he says with a small flourish of hands, his heart thumping against his ribcage. the world swaying beneath him because why the hell are you here? and more importantly, why does he care so damn much?

“uhm – i was wondering if i could borrow some sugar? it’s just – i was baking and i was halfway through mixing everything before i realized that i forgot to buy sugar that one time at the store and – well, the old lady, she likes stuff really, really sweet, even though her doctor’s been telling her that she needs to keep the sugar intake down. and –” you teeter on the balls of your feet, rocking forwards and backwards as you babble on and oikawa can’t help feeling just a bit endeared.

“do you live here?” he asks, catching you in between breaths.

you nod, your smile widening tenfold as you point to the door diagonally across from his. his heart sinks into the place where his stomach used to be.

“yep! just over there.”

oikawa forces another smile and jerks his head towards his living room, “i can get you some sugar if you give me a sec. how much do you need?”

you purse your lips, your eyes glittering with what he imagines is an entire galaxy of just-born stars, “just a cup! oh – or maybe two – to be on the safe side. in case i need them for the cupcakes. yeah, definitely two cups.”

oikawa nods before retreating back into the apartment. he scoops out two cups of sugar from his untouched sugar box into a large bowl and returns to the door, handing it over with a smile.

you bow your head, your hair fluttering around your shoulders – its only then that he notices how long it is, falling around your face like a waterfall, sleek and smooth and –

he wonders if it’s soft. girls’ hair usually is. he wonders if it’ll smell nice too.

he resists the urge to lean foward and check.

“thank you! i’ll bring you some when they’re finished – and uhm – well,” you stand back up, your cheeks three shades darker than they were before, “thanks, again,” you totter along the edge of your words, and he leans in, as if drawn forward by some invisible force – perhaps gravity, perhaps something much less physical. but he stops himself.

this is not the time, nor the place.

“you’re welcome! and, thanks in advance! i’m sure the cake will be delicious!”

he watches you scurry a back to your door, bowing once more before you turn into your own apartment, the sliver of it he catches when you open your door is bright and a veritable explosion of pastel colors.

by the time you disappear back into your own apartment, oikawa is already hitting speed dial on his phone.

“tell me you didn’t fuck this mission up already.”

oikawa scowls at the sound of iwaizumi’s voice.

“i’m not always a fuck-up, have a little faith.”

iwaizumi lets out a bark of laughter, “right, like that time you accidentally left your gloves on the rooftop of the shinjuku hit? or that time –”

“okay, okay – shut up! i get it, so i’m a little… scattered, but i always get the job done, don’t i?”

iwaizumi snorts across the lines, “yeah. by some godforsaken miracle.”

oikawa smirks, “i’m pretty sure being forsaken by god is a prerequisite for assassination as a career path. isn’t that like… on the pamphlet they give you at job fairs?”

“alright, what do you want?”

oikawa slumps down on his sofa, “the girl living diagonally across the hall from me. in unit 1012 – whatever info we’ve got on her.”

silence. and then.

“do i even wanna ask?”

oikawa grins, glancing down at the bit of sugar caught on his shirt, “depends. do you like cupcakes?”

two days later, he returns from a particularly grisly assignment, his joints aching from a completely unwarranted bar fight, the front of his shirt completely soaked in blood and beer. he doesn’t even want to think about how he might smell.

“rough day at work?”

every muscle in his body tenses at the sound of your voice. his hand rests on his door and he somehow manages not to break the handle off the hinges.

he turns towards you, pressing his lips into a rice paper smile.

“something like that. some of the coworkers wanted to get some drinks after and uh – things got a little messy.”

you laugh, your shoulders shaking, your eyes alight with mirth. he watches you with a muted fascination. he’s never known anyone to laugh as freely as you do.

“a little, you look like you murdered a guy!”

he laughs, “oh, homicide via tequila shots is a pretty frequent occurrence in my life, so, you’re not entirely wrong.”

you smile, ducking into your apartment only to return a moment later with a platter of freshly baked cookies.

“here, i made these today – macadamia nuts, you said you like them, right?”

oikawa nods, cautiously reaching out to take a few, hoping that you won’t notice the blood caked beneath his fingernails.

when he finally pushes through the door of his own temporary abode, he finds iwaizumi sprawled across the couch, his feet propped up on the coffee table.

his eyebrows are millimeters from disappearing into his hairline.

“homicide via tequila shots – really?”

oikawa scoffs through a mouthful of cookie, pulling his sullied shirt over his head and tossing it into the basket by his door, lovingly labeled burn pile.

iwaizumi eyes him with a curious expression.

“i got the file, on the chick in 1012.” he waves a thin folio in the air before tossing it down onto the table by his feet. oikawa swallows, licks the crumbs from his lips before picking up the file.

he nods, skimming over your name, birth date, birth place, social security, nationality.

“studying criminal psychology, interesting.”

iwaizumi cackles, “that girl? criminal psych? please say sike.”

oikawa frowns, “you never know, she could have been onto us since day one.”

iwaizumi rolls his eyes, “us – you mean you? letting her borrow sugar.”

oikawa scoffs, “it’s just sugar, and it’s not like i’ll ever use it for anything.”

“right, cause you can’t cook worth a shit.”

“i’ll filet your ass if you keep on going off –”

“you know that this can’t be a thing, right?” iwaizumi’s voice dips into a lower register, his eyes going dark as he leans forward to fix oikawa with a look.

oikawa narrows his eyes, “of course i know it can’t be a thing – i let her borrow sugar. it’s not like a fucking proposal for marriage –”

iwaizumi shrugs, “with you, i’m never sure.”

oikawa pouts, raising his hand to toss your file back at iwaizumi. but he stops himself with a sigh. he opens his mouth to say something, but a series of knocks at the door tells him that you’re on the other side of it. probably with another tray of some baked good you’d spent the whole day making.

he takes a breath and opens the door.

“hey! i made challa bread – cause the couple in 1017 are jewish and – oh, were you about to take a shower? sorry –”

oikawa glances down at his bare chest and flashes you a sheepish grin.

“i was about to hop in the shower, but damn, these look really good. did you have to braid it yourself and everything?”

you nod, the excitement painted so plainly across your face he feels his heart stutter.

fuck.

“here! uhm – this one’s for you. and uh – if your friend wants some, he can have some too! i’ll let you get back to your – uhm –” you glance at his chest again before flushing the most darling shade of pink, “showering,” you finish, bowing as he reaches out to pick up the large loaf of challah bread. he waves his free hand as you scramble back to your own apartment, glancing over your shoulder once more before ducking behind the door.

oikawa closes his own door with a sigh.

he meets iwaizumi’s gaze with a flatline one of his own.

iwaizumi looks from the loaf of bread in oikawa’s hands back up to his face.

“not a marriage proposal, huh?” he scoffs, “damn, you’re fucked.”

oikawa stares down at the freshly baked bread in his hands before heaving a sigh.

“get out of my house – i still need to shower.”

iwaizumi gives him one last once-over before pushing to his feet. he brushes by oikawa with a grimace, pausing by the door even as oikawa sets the challah on the kitchen counter.

“y’know, it’s the first time i’ve heard you call anywhere a house.”

oikawa stiffens. “it’s called a safehouse, isn’t it?”

iwaizumi lets out a mirthless laugh, “yeah, but the way i see it now – it’s the farthest thing from safe for you.”

and then he’s gone, before oikawa has the time to snap back, or perhaps throw something at the back of his head. oikawa glares at the place where iwaizumi had sat on his couch and vows to wash the pillow covers the next day. he glances back at the challah bread, and then to the file still on his coffee table.

maybe, just maybe, he should find a new safehouse. he takes a cold shower and decides to invite you to dinner next week instead.

“i thought you said you’d made lasagna before!” you laugh, bumping oikawa out of the way with your hip, bending over to inspect the damage he’d managed to do in the four minutes you were in the living room picking a movie to watch.

“i have! in cooking mama – and garfield makes it look pretty easy,” he says, pouting as he leans over you, trying to watch what you were doing with the lasagna but he can’t concentrate for the smell of your shampoo. green apple and jasmine flowers. coffee beans and petrichor.

you almost smack into his nose as you lean back up, closing the oven door with a snap.

“it’ll be ready in about four more minutes. and is john wick okay with you?” you glance over your shoulder at him. he licks his lips before flashing you a sheepish smile.

“maybe something that’s not about killing people?”

you smile, “what, not good with blood?”

oikawa shrugs, “something like that. what about marley and me?”

you gasp, “so you’re okay with a dog dying, but not with people?”

he yelps, shaking his head, “i mean, no! it’s just – you had a lab when you were younger, right? so i thought maybe –”

you quirk your head, “how’d you know i had a lab?”

oikawa blinks.

well shit.

the timer goes off and you jump, turning back to the oven. the moment passes like any other moment, and with you tittering about how hot the lasagna pan is, oikawa tries to remember that breathing shouldn’t be so difficult – but it is. he forces himself to breathe in, and then out, and then in again.

you end up watching something on the disney channel, but oikawa’s too distracted by the way your leg is pressed up against his for the entire duration of the movie to pay attention.

the lasagna is good (no thanks to him), and when the movie ends, you turn to smile at him, a bit of sauce on your upper lip. he reaches out to wipe it away and time slows around him, the way it usually does right before he pulls the trigger, every millisecond coalescing around him in stark, mind-numbing clarity.

you lean forward at the same time he does.

the second before he kisses you feels like an entire eternity – one that he can stretch and bend to his will as he pleases. something he can mold between the palms of his hands – these hands that have only ever known death now cupped around your cheeks like they’re learning how to hold life for the very first time.

he kisses you with trembling lips and when you pull back, you flash him a tiny little frown.

“why’re you shaking? i’m not going anywhere.”

oikawa lets out a breathy laugh before leaning in to kiss you again, harder this time. his lips more sure, though his mind is the furthest thing from sure – he can’t shake the tightness curling in his chest, wrapping his heart in a thick gauze of worry – when he pulls away again, breathless and lightheaded, he wonders if this is what fear feels like.

real fear. like the phobia of heights, or falling.

or rather, falling in love.

shit. fuck. goddammit.

the next time he meets iwaizumi, the latter is much too pleased with oikawa’s clear distress.

“not gonna say i told you so,” he says, smirking as he tosses back a glass of scotch.

oikawa glares, nursing his own glass between his fingers, “well you just said it, so fuck you.”

iwaizumi raps his knuckles on the bar for a refill. it appears a moment later, and he promptly downs this one as well.

“well, you know my advice. nip it in the bud – kill it before it –”

“she’s got a name –”

“fuck oikawa, i was talking about the relationship, not actually killing her.”

oikawa tosses back his own drink, grimacing as it hits the back of his throat.

“could’a fooled me.”

iwaizumi frowns before flagging down the bartender and tapping at oikawa’s glass.

“we’ll take the rest of the bottle.”

the bartender regards him with a dubious look before iwaizumi tosses down his black card and the bartender bows, scurrying away to fetch the drink.

“he’ll probably upcharge you for that,” oikawa says, not looking up from his empty glass.

iwaizumi shrugs, “who cares. company card.”

oikawa allows himself a helpless sort of grin.

“maybe i’ll just tell her,” he says, swaying in his seat as the bartender returns with the bottle of tequila and iwaizumi’s card.

iwaizumi thanks the man before turning back to oikawa.

“what, that you kill people for a living? please don’t – i’ll end up having to take you out, and we both know you’re not gonna enjoy that.”

oikawa laughs, “you wouldn’t kill me.”

iwaizumi heaves a long sigh, “wouldn’t i?”

oikawa shakes his head, and a moment later, iwaizumi laughs.

“you’re right. i probably wouldn’t. which is why they’d assign someone else to you. someone without any emotional connection – and then you’ll be just another target. just another mark.”

oikawa nods, “just another mark,” he repeats, even as iwaizumi refills his glass.

“so,” iwaizumi says, slipping off the barstool, clapping oikawa on the shoulder, “like i said, kill it before it gets worse. and i mean –” he shrugs, “if you gotta kill her too. well, that’s just how it be sometimes, right?”

oikawa grunts, downing his drink before pouring himself another.

that night, he gets home way too late, only to find you curled up on his couch, his jacket tossed over your shoulders.

he smiles as he crouches down next to you, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, letting his fingers linger against your skin. he watches the way you sleep, peaceful, without a single sign of bad dreams. what must it be like, to be so innocent and unhaunted by the cruelties of the world? to fall asleep without the fear of death looming over your next waking moments.

he leans in, his lips moments from yours when you awaken again, smiling as he kisses you. tender and sweet.

“rough day at work?” you ask, blinking sleepily up at him.

“yeah,” he says, smiling as you push yourself up onto your elbows, barely stifling a yawn, “sorry i’m so late. there was a big project that needed finishing.”

you nod, burying your head in the crook of his neck as he scoops you up into his arms. he carries you to the bedroom and lays you down in bed, kicking off his pants and shucking his shirt before crawling into bed next to you, curling up around you with a long breath.

you relax into him, your heartbeat steady beneath his palm as he holds you close.

after a moment, you giggle, twisting around in his arms till you’re face to face, your hands pressed against his chest. you lean up to kiss him, nipping playfully at his lower lip as you do.

“quit being such a scardy cat, like i said, i’m not going anywhere.”

he smiles and crushes you against him, burrowing into the junction of your neck, the place where you smell the most like you. he takes a deep breath, and then another. they both come out shakey, and you card your fingers through his hair with a sigh.

“do you wanna talk about it?”

oikawa shakes his head.

“okay then, we don’t have to talk about it – but here’s what i know – i know that you’re a good person. and that you like cats more than dogs, but you’re also super loyal, like a dog. you suck at cooking, but you’re not terrible at baking, and you like classical music with violins in it. i know that you’ve got your heart in the right place, and to me, that’s all that matters.”

you hold his face between your palms like it’s something precious.

he hiccups and wonders if it’s at all healthy to be feeling like this – to be so full of some unnamed emotion, to be boiling with it to the point where he’s sure he’ll burst. he kisses you, hard, and hopes that somehow, someway – this will all work out.

though he has no idea how.

he pulls back with a watery laugh.

“you’re the best.”

you smile and lean in to nuzzle your nose against his.

when you pull back, he settles into the pillow, hooking one of his legs over yours with a contented grin.

you trace the line of his nose with your forefinger, bringing it down to his lips, where he presses in to give you another kiss.

“tooru?”

“hm?” he hums, allowing the tiredness to seep from his body and into the sheets. he thinks that whatever it takes – whatever that might be – to make all of this, all of this with you, work out – he’ll worry about it tomorrow.

you lick your lips.

“can i ask you something?”

he smiles, a little sleepy, a little (or maybe a lot) in love, “sure, shoot.”

you take a breath, hesitate for a moment before –

“why do you always smell like gunpowder?”

—

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#haikyuuwritersnet #oikawa tooru #oikawa tooru x reader #oikawa x reader #haikyuu scenarios #oikawa #haicuties #floofy floof floof #and i guess a little bit of angst?#but not rly that much? this is just weird idk where the fuck this is going #pls let me know ur thoughts? i honesty am just...... v v v v unsure about this LOL #that feel when i usally dont do plot at all and sudden write something with something that resembles a plot O_O;#idk how to handle

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gainerstories · 4 years

Text

Lifeguard Off Duty: Chapter 8

A week later and Bradley was still basking in the glow of his promotion as he drove to Muffin Tops. He’d received a significant salary increase and was now working alongside top level executives. It had only been a week since he got the news and he hadn’t even seen a paycheck yet, but that didn’t stop him from celebrating. With the extra pay he was already eating big, drinking big, and planned to hit the gym to get physically big.

Adrian was looking thicker than ever when he took Bradley’s order of a baker’s dozen of donuts and a baker’s dozen of cupcakes. Bradley was in a great mood and planned on surprising the whole office with treats from his favorite bakery. He sat at a table waiting for his order to be boxed up when he saw Diego emerge from the back, belly first, and waddle over to him.

“Diego!” Bradley exclaimed and struggled to stand up to shake his former employee’s hand. “Nice to see you.”

“Look at you,” Diego said as the men’s bellies softly grazed against one another. “Never thought I’d see you so large and in charge. You’re giving my gut a run for its money! What are you tipping the scale at these days?”

“Oh boy, over three hundred, I can barely believe it. But you know... I’m kind of enjoying it!”

“It’s fun isn’t it, eating whatever you want whenever you want? And I heard you have a boyfriend now? I never knew you were bi.”

“The heart wants what the heart wants I guess.”

“Looks like the belly wants what the belly wants,” Diego winked and patted Bradley’s gut. “Anyway, I was happy to see you come in today. I’ve been thinking it might be fun if the two of us caught up over a beer sometime. Maybe this Friday?”

“Sure! You still have my number?”

“That I do,” Diego replied.

Adrian carried four boxes from the back and brought them over to Bradley. No longer obscured by the counter, Bradley was able to see just how plump Adrian had become. His apron failed to hide his T-shirt that was riding up so that gobs of fat spilled out into the fresh air. Pastry crumbs remained stuck to his face as a tell-tale clue to the source of his gains.

Bradley and Diego finished exchanging pleasantries and parted ways. Bradley polished off a few of the donuts on the drive and ended up sharing the elevator to the office with Eric, who killed two donuts of his own. Of somewhat small stature, each extra pound Eric piled on made a significant difference. He now struggled to stand from his office chair and was constantly knocking things over with his belly. Even though Eric had grown significantly larger in recent months, Bradley now outweighed him due to his height.

The elevator ride was somewhat awkward as Bradley began to realize that Eric was attempting to be flirtatious. Ever since he was promoted, it seemed like everyone at the office suddenly wanted to be his best friend. Malcolm was bringing him specially baked goods, Eric was complimenting his appearance, and a new girl, Diane, was constantly hitting on him. Sure, the extra attention was a compliment, but it also felt shallow and made Bradley uncomfortable.

For lunch, he ate two Chipotle burritos outside rather than at his desk to get a reprieve from his coworkers. When he returned to the office he saw a notification on his calendar. Eric had organized a happy hour to celebrate Bradley’s promotion on Friday. Bradley sighed and scratched at his belly where fresh stretch marks had begun to form. He reluctantly clicked “accept” on the invite.

After work Bradley hit the gym. He was going hard on the weights, trying to build his upper body. Undeniably, he was the fattest person in the gym but that was becoming somewhat of a turn on. He enjoyed wearing tight shorts that showed off his plump ass and muscle tees that rode up to reveal his quivering belly. Something about lumbering around like a sweaty hog felt macho and empowering. As he set down his weights, Jeremy approached.

“Hey there bud, perhaps I should stop pointing this out but you’re shirt’s riding up again, not sure if you care,” he said.

“Oh,” Bradley looked down and stretched the fabric back over his stretch marks, “this thing is hard to contain lately.”

“I don’t think anyone minds… I sure don’t.”

“Hah, that’s good. ‘Cuz I think this gut is here to stay. I’m leaning into the dad bod thing.”

“I mean, you look better than ever, Bradley. I’ve thought about bulking before and you’re really inspiring me to take the plunge.”

“Oh yeah? Honestly, this gut was accidental, but I’m glad I could be of inspiration.”

“Anytime anytime… Hey, I was thinking… If you’re free, would you like to grab a drink this Friday? Thought it might be nice to hang outside of the gym.”

“Sure, that sounds great! Oh, wait… I have a work happy hour on Friday. But why don’t you stop by? It’s at Michaela’s at six, I’d love to see you there.”

“Oh, yeah, sure, I’ll be there. Enjoy your work out.”

Jeremy left and Bradley was struck by how much attention he was receiving lately. At first he thought it was just his promotion, but he was realizing that it may be his new expanded appearance. There was no doubt Jeremy became interested once he started putting on weight. Eric too seemed to be relishing their mutual growth, sometimes goading Bradley to eat just one more pastry. Plus, Malcolm was straight up bringing him food almost on a daily basis. Bradley could also remember three separate occasions during which Diane casually touched his belly. And Diego was pretty overt when it came to discussing their weight. Bradley definitely knew Peter enjoyed watching him get fat, but was it possible this kink was more common than he thought?

Once home, Bradley dug into an expansive dinner prepared by Peter. He was ravenous after his work out and cleared his plate within ten minutes. Like magic, Peter was already piling more food in front of his lover. Bradley’s phone vibrated with atext from Diego about a new cobbler they were debuting tomorrow and confirming their plans for Friday. Bradley started to reply when Peter interrupted.

“So,” Peter stared lovingly at his boyfriend, “I was thinking we should have a date night on Friday, babe. Fancy dinner somewhere?”

This is a co-authored story by gainerstories and gainingfiction.

This chapter is written by gainerstories.

#gainer stories #lifeguard

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spartanguard · 4 years

Text

pushing buttons

Summary: Killian is hurt, and the only one around to help him out is his beautiful neighbor—that he's never talked to before. Looks like that's about to change. (Based on this prompt, shared by @clockadile: "I was talking to my friend and she was telling me about how her coworker had injured his arm and had to wear a sling, but also was required to wear a button up shirt for work. So every morning he had to go knock on his neighbour’s door and she would help him button the shirt."

rated M | 7.3k words | AO3

A/N: HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS TO @xpumpkindumplingx!!!! SHE’S A LOVELY AMAZING SWEET RED VELVET CUPCAKE AND YOU SHOULD ALL GO SEND HER LOVE!!! I've literally been working on this story for over a year and it seemed like her birthday was the appropriate occasion to force me to finish it. I’m sure someone else has written it but, oh well. Enjoy!

This wasn’t how he ever planned on introducing himself to his cute neighbor. Killian figured he’d make some witty, flirtatious line, they’d share a bit of banter, and maybe she’d agree to go out on a date. However it worked for other people.

But no, Killian’s life could never be that simple, could it? Because apparently, his best friend just had to tackle him extra hard in their weekly game of football (proper football—not that American nonsense they loved over here). Which apparently led to a dislocated shoulder and a hairline fracture in his arm (whatever the bone was that supported the bicep; he was a navigational expert, not a doctor). And consequently was putting him in a sling for a fair number of weeks.

Good thing he was already missing the hand on that arm, eh?

But, as he discovered, things like buttoning his work shirts and securing the sling were more than a bit difficult one-handed. Obviously, he was used to dressing himself by now, but he usually had the assistance of his prosthesis, or at least his blunted wrist. He was a bit SOL at the moment, though.

After checking to see if the coast was clear before he stepped out half dressed, he knocked on the door across the hall, where said best friend (though he was questioning that title at the moment) lived; the least Robin could do was help him out. Until he remembered that Robin closed the bar last night and would be dead to the world for the next several hours.

He glanced at the next door, home to a rather lascivious but otherwise friendly old lady, who he knew for a fact was running breakfast rush at the diner downstairs.

That left only one other door: Swan. At least, he thought that was the name he saw on her packages; it suited her well enough that he didn’t care if it was wrong. They’d done little more than exchange smiles in the hall, but that was clearly about to change; desperate times and desperate measures and all that.

Swallowing his pride—and maybe adjusting his posture a bit—he stepped up to her door and knocked.

It took hardly a second for her to open, and there she was: blonde hair pulled up in a messy bun, wearing a baggy sweatshirt and leggings with a coffee mug in hand and a bit of sleep still caught in her eyes. But—so beautiful. His breath hitched in his throat.

“Hello—ohhh…” she started to greet, but then her voice trailed off and jaw hung open when she took in his state of dress. Crap; maybe making an introduction with his shirt half open was a bad idea.

He felt his cheeks flushing pink in embarrassment and the instinct to scratch behind his ear, his telltale nervous tick, was itching. “Hi, uh,” he stammered, his gaze flicking to the floor. “I apologize for bothering you so early, but I’m in a bit of a pickle and could use some assistance, if you’re okay with that.”

“Well, I don’t like pickles but I can probably help,” she offered, setting her mug down on some unseen surface inside and stepping forward. “What do you need?”

He swallowed at the heightened proximity. “I need a bit of help getting this sling on, and then buttoning my shirt, if you wouldn’t terribly mind.”

“Oh, sure!” she blurted out, faster than either of them expected, judging by the surprised look on her face after. “I mean, yeah, just tell me what you need.”

“Of course, love—thank you so much,” he gushed, not realizing until he’d already said the term of endearment. She narrowed her eyes a bit at that but it didn’t seem to stop her.

He started to slip his left arm into the sleeve of the sling and was going to tell her how to attach the strap, but then her eyes went wide and she gasped. “Oh my god, what happened?”

He followed her worried gaze to his empty left wrist. Oh, right—she’s probably never seen him without his prosthetic hand.

“Oh, no—this is old,” he assured her, nodding at it. “It’s my shoulder that’s messed up at the moment.”

“You’ve seriously had that many injuries on one side?” she asked as she stepped closer to grab the straps. “That’s more than coincidence—that’s bad luck.”

“Aye, I suppose. Good thing I’m right-handed.”

“Definitely,” she smiled back as she slipped the strap over his head and started to tighten it. “How’s this?”

“Perfect,” he answered—and it was: the right amount of snug and comfortable. “How’d you know to get it right?”

“I work in bail bonds,” she answered, turning her attention to the buttons on his shirt. “Injuries like that are part of the trade. Everyone at my firm has a pretty good grasp of first aid.”

The back of her fingers brushed against the skin of his stomach, making him breathe in sharply at the contact.

“Oh no—did I hurt you?” She sounded so worried and pulled her hands back, looking back up at him with her brows raised in concern.

No, she didn’t—he just hadn’t been touched with anything like that level of care in ages. “No, not at all—you’re fine.” He resisted the instinct to add “love” to the end of that again.

“Phew, okay; just didn’t want to add to your injuries. I can’t imagine a pinched chest hair feels very good,” she explained, resuming her task.

He chuckled. “Believe me, I’ve had worse.”

“I can see that,” she teased.

She managed to button behind the sling, but he stopped her before she got too high. “That’s good.” There were still a few left undone but he didn’t want to impose on her kindness any longer—or if he could stand being in her airspace any more without doing something incredibly stupid, like kissing her.

She adjusted his collar and then stepped away. “You don’t strike me as much of a top-button guy, anyway,” she replied, smirking.

He winked. “Not in the slightest.” He was amazed, and a bit relieved, at how easy they fell into banter; what could have been an awkward situation was decidedly less so. “But seriously—thank you, so much; I’d hate to have to call off work again simply because I wasn’t presentable.”

It looked like she was about to fire back something, but quickly bit her lip to hold it back. “No worries,” she finally answered. “Anytime.”

“Are you sure about that? Because I’m in this for at least six weeks.”

“I can think of worse ways to start the day,” she shrugged.

“Might I…” Now Killian freely scratched behind his ear. “Could I avail you of your skills tomorrow?”

She smiled, but it faltered. “I have a late night at work tonight, unfortunately,” she told him. “But I’ll be free the next day.”

“It’s a date then,” he blurted out, then realized what he said. “Or, not a date—but—you know—“

“It’s a date,” she laughed. “But there’s one more thing: I don’t ‘date’ guys whose names I don’t know.”

“Oh, bloody hell,” he cursed; they had skipped that part hadn’t they? “I’m Killian; Killian Jones,” he belatedly introduced, offering his hand.

She took it. “Emma Swan.”

“Emma,” he repeated; Swan still suited her best, but he liked the way her given name felt on his lips. Which he subsequently placed on the back of her hand with a gentle kiss; probably still too forward but better than some of the alternatives.

Now she was the one blushing, pink coloring the apples of her cheeks as she shyly smiled at him. “See you soon, Killian.”

“Until then, Swan.”

She slipped back inside her apartment and gave him one last wry smile before closing the door, and he headed back to his place.

Oh, goodness—he was fucked.

��• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

She hadn’t been lying: there were definitely worse ways for Emma to start her day.

Who was she to complain when a man that attractive shows up at her door with his shirt half off?

Okay, so it was more like half on, but it still gave her more than a decent view of his toned chest and core, the line of his collarbones, and the most attractive array of chest hair she’d ever seen as it spread across his pecs and down his stomach to other parts she wouldn’t mind seeing.

It caught her off guard, opening the door to that; usually it was the opposite—her on the outside, leaving, after a one-night stand. But none of those guys were half as beautiful as Killian, nor as charming or sweet.

Plus, what kind of person says no to an injured guy like that? Not Emma. She knew what it was like to fend for yourself and could tell he did, too; it took a lot to work up the courage to ask for help like that.

She felt bad that she wasn’t able to help him the following day, but was surprised to find she couldn’t wait for the next; that wasn’t something she’d done in a very long time.

She thought about putting on extra coffee for him that morning but thought that might be too forward for a guy who seemed nervous enough in her presence—which was a little odd, because she was pretty sure she’d seen at least a handful of late-night visitors there.

The coffee scoop was still in her hand when the knock came at the door. So much for that then; she’d just have to swing through Granny’s downstairs.

When she opened the door, there Killian was again in all his adorable sexiness. “Good morning, Emma; is this an okay time?” He was a bit more reserved than he had been the other day—that wouldn’t do at all.

Especially because she was hardcore ogling him the whole time. He had on a navy shirt today that hugged his biceps. It didn’t match his eyes quite as well as the pale blue one from his last visit but it gave a bold contrast to his gingery beard, which she noticed was a bit longer than it usually was. This must be some injury if it was impeding his ability to use his uninjured arm, too.

“Of course!” she quickly said, because she realized she’d spent a bit too much time staring. “Mind if we do it reverse of last time?”

“Uh…”

She bit her lip and winced; that didn’t come out right. (Or maybe it did.) “I meant, let’s do the shirt first, if that’s alright.”

“Oh! Yeah, that’s fine. The pain isn’t quite as bad today.” But he still bit back a tiny wince as she adjusted his shirt, so she resolved to move fast.

Carefully starting on the bottom button, she had to ask, “How did this happen in the first place?”

“Oh, just my so-called best friend coming at me like a defensive tackle in a game of real football.”

“You mean soccer?”

“Yes, that. How did you Yanks even come up with that term?”

“Fuck if I know.” And even if she did, she was too focused on not touching his skin this time to come up with the answer. She still couldn’t get that brush of soft hair and warm skin out of her mind—which had taken it and ran with it, imagining how the rest of him might feel.

And it didn’t help that he smelled amazing. He continued on a rant about his friend—who was apparently the other British guy on their floor—but all she was really aware of were what her fingers were doing and the scent of Old Spice Captain, mixed with something else—leather, maybe? Rum? (Hopefully not, with whatever pain meds he was on.) Regardless, she kind of wanted to get drunk on it.

“How’s that?” she asked when she thought she’d gotten the buttons to where he wanted—done up enough to be fairly modest but open enough to leave things to her overactive imagination.

He glanced down, and she noticed not for the first time how long his lashes were. “That’s perfect; you’re a quick study,” he smirked, looking back up, amusement crinkling the skin at the corner of his eyes and bringing his adorable dimples out to play.

“Gotta let the chest hair breathe, right?” She immediately regretted saying that and quickly busied herself with his sling.

Thankfully, he just laughed. “Aye, I suppose so. My, uh,” he stammered, scratching that spot behind his ear again. “My last girlfriend always liked the view and I suppose it just stuck.”

Emma just adjusted the strap and avoided eye contact. Crap. How was she supposed to answer that? Was she supposed to flirt back to a guy who clearly wasn’t over his ex? Or was there something else going on?

(She was trying to ignore the voice in the back of her head about him being too good to be true, like most guys were.)

“Well...I’ve gotta say, I agree with her. Smart lady,” she offered, awkwardly.

“Yeah, she was,” Killian answered solemnly. Oh—maybe there was more to this story then. But she had enough tragic backstories of her own to know not to try to prod at someone else’s. He got a bit of a vacant look in his eyes, like he was lost in memory, until he shook it off and looked back up at her, now that she was done. “Anyway, thank you so much again. Same time tomorrow?”

“It’s a date,” she answered without thinking. Because whatever his past was, and whatever the future held, she still knew she at least wanted to get to know him better.

He grinned back. “See you then.”

He’d turned to head back to his apartment, but she worked up the nerve to call after him. “Wait!” He stopped and faced her again. “How do you take your coffee?”

“Black,” he answered simply.

“Good to know,” she smiled back, and he gave another in return before nodding his final farewell.

She went back inside and busied herself with grabbing what she needed for work, but still couldn’t get him out of her mind.

Dammit, why was he injured? Can’t they just fuck?

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

So not only was Emma intoxicating to be around, she also made a fantastic cup of coffee. That was how she greeted him the next day, and every day thereafter. He had to start coming a bit earlier, because coffee usually meant chatting, and once they started, he never wanted to stop. It only took a side-eye from his boss twice to make sure he wasn’t late again, but honestly, he’d rather deal with his boss’s ire than cut off any conversation short.

It was during those discussions that he learned more about her—like that her favorite movie was The Princess Bride but she wasn’t a big reader, she liked to listen to the Black Keys, and she loved cinnamon in her hot chocolate; she had opted for that one morning a few weeks into this adventure, despite it being the middle of summer.

“Isn’t this a bit out of season?” he gently teased, hoping to garner a real smile; she seemed down today, her half-smiles not quite reaching her eyes.

She shrugged, eyes cast down. “Sometimes you just need things that bring a bit more comfort.”

“Love, what’s wrong? Did something happen?” He may have only known her for less than a month, but the thought of any trouble coming to her made his heart lurch.

She took another sip, then glanced around the hallway before opening her door. “Can you come in for a second?”

“Of course.”

He followed her and she shut the door behind him, but stayed close to it. A quick glance around the space showed that her place was much like his: sparse, with just the necessities—not many homey touches.

“Are we at the point where we can share tragic backstories?” she asked him shyly, leaning against the wall.

“I think so,” he confirmed, giving her a small smile of encouragement.

She exhaled. “Okay. Well, today...is my son’s birthday.”

His eyes grew wide and his breath hitched in his throat. “Your...you have a…?” He didn’t know what to say, especially considering it was pretty obvious that no child lived here. Oh, no—did he—?

“Had. Past tense.” His heart sank, but he didn’t want to interrupt. “I put him up for adoption. I wasn’t even 18 yet, and his dad was gone—abandoned me before he even knew. My foster mom helped me, but I knew I wasn’t ready, so I gave him up. I know that was the best thing for him, but I still...wonder. And I hope he’s okay.” She sniffled a bit, and wiped a tear from her eye.

But another one was escaping down the other cheek; he quickly set his mug down on a table by the door and reached up to brush it away. “Oh, Emma—I...I can’t imagine what that’s like. But...thank you for telling me.”

“You’re not gonna judge me?” Her voice was small and watery, and broke his heart in a whole different way.

“How could I? You made one of the hardest decisions anyone could make, and when you were a teenager no less. If anything, you’re probably one of the bravest people I know.”

There it was—that smile he’d been looking for. “That might be the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me,” she murmured.

He’d seen it before, but not as strong as it was right now—the guarded, lonely look in her eyes that all lost children had. It wasn’t something that was ever outgrown; he knew because he wore it, too. And his heart thudded in his chest again, adding to its list of acrobatics today in reaction to this brilliant woman—who was apparently even more of a kindred soul than he’d realized.

“A lass as fierce as you deserves to hear how awesome she is far more often than that,” he told her, tucking a stray bit of hair behind her ear, before scratching behind his own—because now it was his turn to share. “But, ah, I know how rare that happens in the foster system.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. My brother and I ended up there after our mum died; dad was already out of the picture. Liam tried to get custody when he aged out, but they wouldn’t let him, so he went off to the Navy. He, uh, he was killed in action.”

“Oh my God—I’m so sorry.”

He swallowed and nodded. He didn’t often talk about his past, but given what Emma had told him, it seemed to be bubbling out of him today. “I floundered a bit after that—tried the Navy, too, but it didn’t take, and then I met Milah. It was a bit of whirlwind romance but I was head over heels, and she for me. Until her husband found out.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. I...I can’t go into the details, but he...he killed her, and he did this,” he explained, nodding at his stump. “He’s in jail for life, at least, but...yeah. So that’s my story.”

“Oh, Killian.” She didn’t try to give any platitudes, like the few other people he was close with had at first; she just wrapped her arms around him, being careful of his injuries. It took him a bit by surprise at first—he could tell she wasn’t the touchy-feely type—but he didn’t wait long to wrap his free arm around her and pull her close. Something told him this hug was as much for her comfort as his.

Try as he might not to, he couldn’t help but notice how perfect she fit in his embrace, his arm naturally settling at her waist and her head resting on his shoulder (the good one). He closed his eyes and inhaled, surrounded by her scent—cinnamon and chocolate from her cocoa, and something lightly floral and sweet that didn’t quite match her rough exterior but suited her perfectly nonetheless.

He had an even harder time ignoring the bit of his subconscious that didn’t want to let go of her, not now and possibly not ever. And there was no way for him to overlook the way his heart leapt when she practically burrowed into his neck.

Until her phone went off and they jumped apart. That actually did kind of hurt, in more ways than one.

“Sorry; I better—”

“Yeah, me too.” He could almost physically see her emotional walls going back up in the way she stiffened and retracted from him, making no effort to actually grab her phone and just using the interruption as an out. He understood why, though it stung a bit, but he’d be damned if he was the one making her uncomfortable.

“I—I have another work thing tonight, so I won’t be able to see you tomorrow; but...next day?”

“Can’t wait,” he answered, giving her his usual smile. He slipped out and almost had to run back to his place to get his work things, but cast another glance at Emma’s now-closed door as he passed.

Assuming that image wasn’t a metaphor, he couldn’t wait for the day he could truly wrap her in his arms, and maybe then some.

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

So, hugging him was a bad idea. A completely terrible one. Not her worst ever—their prior conversation kind of displayed that—but recently? Yeah, that was awful.

Because she really should have known how great he would feel against her. She got a prime view of his upper body every day; she didn’t need to wrap herself around it to know he’d be firm and soft in the most perfect ways.

And she was already well aware of what he smelled like; did she really have to dive in for deeper whiff? (Or become any more aware of what the heat felt like rolling off him, warming both her body and soul?)

God bless her boss for that perfectly timed text. She did feel bad for the slight wince she caught on Killian’s face as she jumped away, and then even more for the white lie she gave about the next day—it wasn’t so much that she had a late night, but more that she knew she needed a day to cool off after that. Or to let the inevitable freak-out run its course, because who on earth tells a sob story like hers to someone they’ve barely known for a month? (Even if said person did the same.)

Killian seemed unfazed, though, so she took that as a good sign. Which she also did with the bag of pumpkin spice-flavored coffee she found outside her door the next morning, with her name scrawled on it in an unfairly beautiful script.

But, perfectly, that gave her a way to figure out where they were the following day. Things change when you bare your soul to another person, and honestly, her biggest fear was that she’d scared him off altogether.

So when that familiar, gentlemanly knock rapped on her door (how a knock could be prim and proper, she had no idea, but his was), she was ready to answer it with two mugs of her new brew.

“Who’s out of season now?” she teased, handing the cup over. Falling back on humor was something was a safeguard, but hopefully he’d still pick up on the way she was acknowledging their last conversation.

His usual early-morning sleepy smile morphed into an eyebrows-raised expression of surprise for a moment, but a dimpled smirk quickly took over.

He took the proffered mug and quipped, “Well, as a brilliant lass once told me, sometimes you just need something comforting, and I suppose there’s no wrong season on that.”

And just like that, things were okay. Why had she thought they wouldn’t be? It’s Killian, for fuck’s sake. She grinned back at him and set to work on his shirt and sling, maneuvers so well-practiced at this point she barely needed to look to make sure she was doing everything right, and they quickly fell back into their easy banter.

“I think you could give lessons in buttoning a shirt, Swan; I’ve never seen fingers more nimble.”

“Oh? Who else has been buttoning your shirts lately? Should I be jealous?”

He chuckled, deep and low—a sound that went straight to certain sensitive parts of her. “Just Robin, on the days you’re busy. But the arse can’t even keep the rows straight and nearly strangled me with the sling.”

From the other end of the hallway, a slightly muffled shout called out “I heard that, you bellend!” from Robin’s apartment. Killian turned to bark back, “You were supposed to, ya bloody wanker!”

“God, you’re so British sometimes,” she laughed and started on the sling.

“Well, you can take the man out of England, and so on. Even if it’s been 20 years.”

Things pretty much went back to normal after that, if a bit bolder on both their ends. They still chatted about anything and everything—he had some good stories about his culture shock when he first came over as a kid, shared his strongly held opinions on various rums, and she was able to figure out he had a lifelong love of Peter Pan (“but Pan himself is a prat; Hook, though—he’s an icon. And, y’know, we have something in common.” “I’m kind of surprised you don’t have a hook instead of your prosthetic.” “You haven’t seen me on Halloween, darling.”).

If her hands brushed his skin more often, she could probably chalk that up to their increased comfort with one another. If she found herself invading his personal space on a regular basis, it was easy to write that off as part of her helping him. And if she daydreamed about the freckles on his neck and where other ones might be...okay, she had no explanation for that. Actually, that one was his fault.

“So just what do you do at night?” she’d asked. “You don’t seem to need my help then.”

“Are you offering?” he tossed back, and she could see his tongue moving lasciviously behind his teeth as he smirked. She playfully slapped the uninjured shoulder as she continued to work. “Well, if you must know, it’s much easier to get all this off than it is to get it on. And as long as I don’t move around too much in my sleep, no harm, no foul.”

“So...no sleep shirt?”

“No sleep shirt,” he repeated, voice a bit lower than usual; she could feel it vibrating in his chest as she did the last button. It was a damn good thing she was staring at her work and not his eyes because she might have reinjured him at that moment.

Summer turned into early fall and Killian had just become a normal part of her mornings. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew he’d get better at some point, but it wasn’t something she ever really focused on—not when she was enjoying herself with him far more than she had anyone else in recent memory.

So it was a bit of a bomb when he dropped the news on her one morning, roughly six weeks after he’d first knocked on her door.

“Um, it looks like this might be the last time I’m bothering you,” he stammered, staring at the floor as she did up his shirt for the countless-th time. “I’ve got an appointment with the doctor later on to see how it’s healed.”

“Oh,” she answered, sounding much more sad than she thought she would. “Uh, how’s it been feeling?”

“Pretty good; still a little sore, but that might be more with disuse than anything.”

“That’s...that’s good, then.” But was it? Was it really? Killian had basically become the highlight of her days and now that was just going to...end?

“Yeah, I...guess so.” At least he sounded as unenthused at the prospect as she was.

She was tempted to offer to push him down the stairs to keep things going, but who only knew what kind of damage that would do, so she held back and kept focused on the task at hand. Which was suddenly becoming blurry; how did a shirt get blurry?

“I truly can’t thank you enough, Swan, for helping me out so generously. Getting to know you...has been the best part of this.”

“My pleasure,” she replied, not knowing what else to say and hoping he couldn’t hear how watery her voice was.

But, of course, he did. “We’ll still see each other around, right?”

“I dunno; you live really far away,” she quipped back, hiding behind her walls again. He was one of the few people to get through them and if he was backing out, she needed to start rebuilding them.

“I think I can manage getting over here from time to time,” he said, with that dumb sweet soft smile she loved and hated equally. “You’re definitely worth the journey.”

Now she was blushing and almost crying. She didn’t know that was a thing. And she knew if she tried to say anything, she’d probably just put her foot in her mouth, so she silently focused on the task at hand, almost reverent in her care.

She tightened the strap on the sling—probably for the last time—and stepped back to survey her work. But Killian caught her hand before she got too far away, and found her eyes with his intense blue gaze.

“Seriously, Emma—I couldn’t have gotten through this without you. It certainly wasn’t how I had planned on making your acquaintance, but now...I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He brought her hand to his lips, just like the first time, and placed a gentle but firm kiss on the back, never breaking eye contact. “Thank you.”

She was left no less speechless than she was back then, but she couldn’t reply as casually as she had; too much had passed between them now. Really, only one thing popped into her mind, and she acted on instinct.

Squeezing his hand tight, she rose up on her toes and found his lips with hers. Why her mind went straight to kissing, she had no idea, but there was no turning back now—especially not when he broke her grasp to pull her close, and her arms snaked around his neck.

There was none of the hesitation on his part like when they hugged despite this being a whole other magnitude of physical contact, but that didn’t register until after the fact; right now, all she could focus on was how talented his tongue was against hers and how he tasted of that delicious pumpkin spice coffee. Damn, he was good at this; what other things was he good at?

But then her fucking phone went off again, making them break apart. And then it sunk in: she kissed him. What the hell? This changed everything. (Or worse: what if it didn’t?)

“I, uh…” she stuttered, her speechlessness catching up to and now paired with breathlessness.

“That was…” He sounded equally wrecked.

“I’ve...I’ve gotta get that. I’ll see you around. Good luck today. Just...leave the mug when you finish it. Um...yeah.” She cast one lady glance at his utterly fuckstruck face before turning around and heading back inside, collapsing against the door once it was closed.

But before it shut, she’d heard him say three perfect words: “As you wish.”

What the fuck—what did she just do?

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

He didn’t dream that, did he? Did Emma just kiss him within an inch of his life?

He’d managed to blurt out the only thing that came to mind after she blabbered her way out of whatever that encounter was, but after the door shut, he had to lean against the wall next to it, lest his legs give out.

His fingers found his kiss-swollen lips and he let out a long exhale, reminding himself how out of breath he’d been left.

Bloody hell, that really happened. He’d certainly imagined it many times—and other, far more intimate things while enjoying a bit of self-love—but the real thing put all his daydreams to shame. The way she’d pressed herself against him, warm and soft; her sweet scent mixed with her savory flavor; but most of all, how he swore their hearts were beating in time for one star-crossed moment. (Yes, he was being dramatic, but that was pretty much his M.O.)

He shook his head to clear his brain; he couldn’t stand there all day being lovestruck, or else he might still be there once Emma finally went on her way. Which he typically wouldn’t consider a bad thing were it not for the way she attempted to close herself off at the end. He knew what she was doing—trying to protect herself—and he’d give her some space for the moment.

But, as he headed back to his place and out into the day, he started formulating a plan. He knew other people had walked out on Emma and that was surely what she was expecting of him—but he’d be damned if he let that be the case.

He’d barely made it in the door of his apartment that evening when he shook off his jacket, tossed the sling on the back of his sofa, and turned around to knock on that familiar door again. He still wasn’t exactly sure what he was going to do or say, but Emma hadn’t seen him for the last time.

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

The first thing Emma saw when she got home that night was the mug Killian used that day still sitting on her kitchen counter, waiting to be washed and put away, where it would probably sit unused for a long while. She didn’t do the whole having-friends-over thing, so despite her small collection of mugs, she tended to just use her favorite one every day. Even if washing two was a bit extra work, she was glad to do it if it meant having Killian’s company.

She sighed for what felt like forever. He didn’t need her anymore. Regardless of how he kissed her today, that was the truth of it, unless the doctor had bad news. It would still have to come to an end eventually, though; better to rip off the bandage now.

Why she kissed him, she still didn’t know. That wasn’t like her. She was no stranger to one-night rendezvous but there was never an emotional connection with those, not like she’d developed with him. In some way, it was putting the ball in his court, she guessed. He wasn’t the kind of guy to take advantage of a situation, she knew, but life had taught her to not hold onto too much hope, despite the constant preaching of her best friend.

So when a knock came at the door, she just assumed it was the pizza she’d ordered on her way home. At least she had that to look forward to—and the bottle of wine in the cupboard.

“Thank God, I’m star—ving…” she started as she opened the door, but trailed off when she saw what was on the other side: not some scrawny delivery boy, but Killian. “Uh, hi.”

He looked just as amazing as he had that morning: slightly disheveled hair, blue plaid shirt, and those well-fitting pants that she had watched saunter away more than once. But something was missing.

“No sling,” she said, though it came a bit more like a question.

“Nope; clean bill of health.”

“That’s good then.” She wasn’t anywhere near as enthusiastic as she probably should have been. “So...what are you doing here?”

She could see the wheels turning in his brain—he was working up to something. He wet his lip with his tongue, but couldn’t seem to get the words out.

As distracting as that tick was, her nervous side started to bubble. “I mean, it’s not like you need help getting your shirt on or anything,” she quipped anxiously.

He immediately smirked and his eyebrows leapt in amusement. Oh no—she just fed him a line, didn’t she?

“No,” he drawled, taking a swaggering step forward. “But I’d be glad to have your assistance in taking it off.”

If it were anyone else, she’d call it out for the skeezy come-on it was, but not him. He knew he was being ridiculous and he wanted to see what she’d do. And it didn’t help that he couldn’t keep the sincerity out of his voice.

There was really only one way for her to reply to that. She stepped up to meet him and found the top button, the one that let that tempting thatch of hair below it breathe. For a second, she just traced it with her fingertip, then went ahead and undid it. Her heart was racing the entire time and she was pretty sure Killian stopped breathing, especially once she looked up at him to see that he was staring at her intently.

“I can think of worse ways to end the day,” she told him, echoing their first conversation.

He started to smile but she didn’t give him the chance to unleash his full grin before she grabbed his flannel collar and pulled him to her. His lips didn’t taste quite the same as they had that morning but it didn’t matter; she wanted to discover all his flavors, every day.

She tugged him inside her apartment and he kicked the door shut behind them as the kiss continued. Her fingers continued to work at his shirt, undoing her earlier handiwork, and his hand and wrist drifted to her waist.

It was a bit jarring when her back hit the edge of her kitchen island, but she just took that as a chance to switch directions. She released the last button, letting his shirt fall open, and then slipped her hands under the fabric on his shoulders as she pushed the two of them in the direction of the couch.

Her hands drifted to his trim waist as she guided them around the end of the sofa, only breaking the kiss to make sure she wasn’t pushing him into any obstructions (god, she’d be so embarrassed if she broke him again). But as soon as they were clear, she pushed him down onto the cushions and then one by one set her knees on either side of his lap to straddle him.

HIs gaze had darkened considerably, the normal sky blue turning a hazy midnight, and his hand had somehow found its way to her ass and was cupping it reverently—which shouldn’t have even been a thing, but this was Killian; that was just how he was.

They’d sufficiently reclaimed their breaths, evidently, because they surged forward to meet again, and Emma’s hand drifted back up to his collarbones. She tried to be gentle, but need was overtaking her as she pushed the soft fabric down over his shoulders to his biceps, squeezing the muscles as she went, until—

—Until he pulled back, wincing and hissing in pain. Fuck. “Oh god, are you alright? What did I do?”

“It’s fine, love,” he said reassuringly, letting his head fall back against the couch (and giving her a perfect view of those freckles on his neck that just looked so damn kissable but now was not the moment). “Just still a bit sore; take it easy on me, aye?”

“Easier said than done,” she blurted, not even thinking about it. He cocked an eyebrow in amusement and she felt her entire face flush red, and not from arousal. “God, I fucked this up, didn’t I?”

“How on earth could you have done that?”

“Because I don’t know how to do...this,” she said, gesturing between them.

“Don’t sell yourself short, Emma—you’re a marvelous kisser.” He winked (poorly) and squeezed his hand, which was still on her rear end.

“Ha,” she answered dryly. “Just...why are you even here?”

HIs face lost its humor and turned serious, but there was still a softness that made her heart melt a little bit. “Well in case you hadn’t noticed, I quite fancy you. And I couldn’t bear to never see you again.”

She looked away. “Well, it wouldn’t be never. Our mailboxes are right next to each other,” she deflected.

“I know but...I want more than that.” His hand finally left her back pocket and nudged itself under her chin, guiding her eyes back to his. “I’ve spent nearly every morning for the last six weeks with you, darling, and I’m sure you’ve picked up that I’m a creature of habit. And starting each day with you is one tradition that I’d be loath to lose.”

He’d never been more honest with her, she could tell. And it was a little overwhelming.

“What do you say, love?”

Despite her past, despite her fears and heartbreaks, and despite his, she took a deep breath, swallowed, and stared into his intense gaze. “It’s a date.”

He broke into that adorable, wide-eyed, incandescent grin that she couldn’t help but return, but it was quickly drowned by another round of kissing (much gentler on her part).

And it was also quickly determined that her bed was much softer than the couch.

They left a trail of clothes from the living room to her bedroom, but she insisted he keep the shirt on until the last minute.

They were kneeling on her bed, naked save for that bit of cotton, which she finally pushed down off the ends of his arms.

“How long have you been waiting to do that?” he asked, voice low and breath hot on her ear.

“Since the day you first showed up.”

He pulled her tight to him with his left arm and she finally got to enjoy the divine feel of his chest hair and warm skin against hers—somehow more amazing than even her imagination had come up with, both soft and coarse, teasing and abrasive; kind of a lot like him.

And then he was guiding her to laying down, and after only minor fumbling, was pressing inside her, which is when most coherent thought ended on her part. There was a lot of “fuck”, “damn”, “yes”, and “YES” going on, from both of them, as he thrust in and out and she met him move for move.

She worried he’d aggravate something again after they came (an incredible moment, really) and he collapsed alongside her, but she held onto his shoulders in some vain attempt at support, and he was clearly practiced in relying on his right arm. They did the necessary cleaning up stuff, but then fell back into bed and he pulled her close.

For the first time in ages, she spent the night in a guy’s arms and wasn’t looking for an escape route.

(Having him a few more times over the course of the night probably helped. She was already looking forward to when he was less sore and she could be on top.)

(The pizza and wine were icing on the cake, though she probably scarred the delivery boy by answering the door in just Killian’s shirt. She got to see just how nimble those fingers were when it was his turn to unbutton—and then when he used them to make her come undone as well.)

The next morning, she got out that second mug again as she brewed another batch of pumpkin spice coffee.

And proceeded to button his shirt for him, albeit sadly, now that she knew what lay underneath.

But it was okay, because she got to undo it again that night, and every night thereafter.

(The only morning she didn’t button him up was on their wedding day.)

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

thanks for reading!!! tagging some friends: @kat2609 @thesschesthair @optomisticgirl @shipsxahoy @amortentia-on-the-rocks @mryddinwilt @cocohook38 @annytecture @wingedlioness @word-bug @distant-rose @wellhellotragic @welllpthisishappening @let-it-raines @pirateherokillian @bleebug @its-imperator-furiosa @fergus80 @killianmesmalls @sherlockianwhovian @ineffablecolors @laschatzi @ive-always-been-a-pirate @nfbagelperson @stubblesandwich @killian-whump @lenfaz @phiralovesloki @athenascarlet @kmomof4 @ilovemesomekillianjones @whimsicallyenchantedrose @snowbellewells @idristardis @scientificapricot @searchingwardrobes

#cs ff #cs modern au #cs hurt comfort #cs smut adjacent #Happy Birthday #xpumpkindumplingx #my ff

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