OSRR: 3552

today was quiet. i got the length of the blanket done, and im working on the edge now.

i feed them wire was ashen.

that didn't make sense.

i'm too tired to much. the fuck.

joel's out. falling asleep on my phone. bet.

OSRR: 3551

today was quiet and i got a lot done on the blanket. told joel about my crush on jey. asked joel if i hallucinated the texas roadhouse gift card or not (i didn't). i think we're gonna get to go out for our anniversary in a couple weeks. joel said his gift for me was waiting until his next paycheck, which will be this coming week, and then it's gotta get here, so a little time will be needed.

i gotta put in a time off request for joel's birthday weekend so i can spend that time with him. there's a tournament he wants to go to and i'm gonna go with him to spend the weekend away :)

i just love joel so much. he makes me happy.

i'm glad i've accepted that i can love multiple people at once. it was so hard to justify it when i was younger. i couldn't make sense of it at all. when i finally figured it out, that was a great day. everything finally clicked.

and i know crushes can come and go because i've had some that come in and go out like the tide, but this one is more significant than the others. still a crush though. crushes are fun.

ANYWAY! i'm going to the museum tomorrow! im so excited!!! going to see an imax show too at the omni theater, it's a documentary about deep space and i'm super excited to see it. fucking HYPE.

thanks jey! 🩷

OSRR: 3550

today was a day.

started off with the china report. every keystroke had me repeating "i'm a fraud" the whole time. but i added information and edited it and read it out loud to see if it flowed well and i sent it off. tom later said it looked good.

i had an emotional breakdown today. crying and everything. i talked to ravi about it and it was nice to let it out. i was feeling like a fraud, like nothing i would ever do would amount to anything, like there was no reason to be in this industry and that i was going to be stuck here forever in this position, and it was horrible because it ALSO had in it elements of "i hate being broke," "i hate my trauma," "i hate my mental illnesses," and "i would give anything to start over." it was a bad time.

but thankfully getting it out helped.

a few hours later, i had a webinar to watch and take notes on because today's coverage included the tiktok ban. but i picked up my phone and i saw a notification from my email which i tapped on and it said "CONGRATULATIONS" along with instructions for next steps from the interview i had a couple weeks ago. it'll be a little bit before it all gets processed but im SO excited. and i thanked ravi again for listening to me and for their blessings because it was ravi's influence that made that happen today. i was at my breaking point and the universe and ravi conspired to bring me good things today.

after work i got dinner at panera and ice cream at DQ and i've been talking to leo for most of the day. not having jey at work is really tough on him, plus he's going through some shit anyway and i just wanna be there to support him, so it's been nice to talk to him. i don't talk about him much, but i love him a lot and i want him to be okay always. i love my coworkers (this includes jey, who is no longer with us in our office). they're good people. they're kind and fun and silly. they appreciate me for who i am and not what i do, which is a big deal for me.

but i love them all a lot.

and it's bedtime now.

but i will also include the fact that i chatted with joel a little bit about weekend plans and i realized it was the longest text conversation we'd had in a long time. so i am hoping to see him more sooner than later. i miss the goober.

two bros, both alike in sexuality

in a hot tub, where we lay our scene

“i can’t do this anymore” says a girl who is not only going to do it but do it well

OSRR: 3549

i finally got to see joel today. i got to sit by him for mode than half an hour while i was trying to fall asleep. i was so happy to finally sit with him and just spend time talking to him and dear lord i miss him when i don't get to see him. i feel much better in general when i get to see him. i know i say joann's is my happy place, but really my happy place is with joel. joel is my happy place.

i didn't realize how much i missed him until i spent more than five minutes with him. i don't get to spend a lot of time with him because my existence fucking sucks and i gotta appease the people i can while trying to get the rest i need and doing at least one thing a week i enjoy. so it was nice to sit down next to him while we were eating dinner.

god he makes me so happy. i love to have him around. i love him so much.

the rest of my day was boring and stressful and i felt like a fraud. but getting to see joel this evening for more than a few minutes? a wonderful surprise for which i am still grateful.

Holy shit, they got Voyager 1 working again!

15 billion miles away and NASA was able to tweak code packages on one of the onboard computers and it worked and Voyager 1 is sending signals back to earth for the first time since November.

Incredible!

OSRR: 3548

todays number is very close to the second part of my car's license plate number!

anyway, today i went to work and worked with a student and then i worked with a friend and then she and i and another friend of ours went to lunch and got tacos and generally had an excellent time, and then i went and sat and worked with the kids for a little bit and i worked with nancy and after helping her, i stopped for gas and came back home, only to have tacos again for dinner. sat down and watched tv with my mom and now it's almost 1am because i have no self-control and i just really wanna see joel. i miss him! i haven't seen him is what feels like weeks. i know i haven't spent time with him in weeks, that's for sure. i wish i had a normal work schedule so i could do things with him and i could spend time with him that wouldn't affect my sleep.

i miss joel.

mutuals and followers at large I'm glad you're alive and I hope it gets easier

You shouldn’t date or become serious friends/partners with someone if you can’t stomach the thought of being stuck in a car or train with them for 16 hours.