[internalized cissexism probably]

probablymaybe there is a maybemeaningful difference between people whose primary relationship to transness is ‘knowing for sure they want(ed) to change their bodies’ vs people (like me) whose primary relationship to transness is ‘knowing for sure they want to destabilize the idea that a certain kind of body automatically means a certain kind of gender’

(though like. that’s not a binary with no overlap! probably many/most of us in the second category also have at least some alienated/wistful bodyfeelings, that they might even ever take action about! god knows i really extremely definitely do! i just also have. a lot of barriers between me and even identifying what i want, let alone taking any action about it. [see also: lunch.])

but also i kind of think the weird self-deprecating urge to be like ‘😔 yes i promise i am aware of my cis-passing privilege and know it makes me Less Trans Than Thou really’ or whatever (which like. said so-called cis-passing privilege is situational and also upsets me even as it lends me certain types of safety [and removes others tbh! like. when i get read as a queer woman it’s. really not always a positive vs being read as a maybeiguess boy/man!]) is. not really in fact all that helpful and actually kind of strengthens pretty cis ideas abt how gender even works and abt how natural and dominant the cis framing is, such that like, if it’s at all conceivable to round someone down to basically-cis it’s appropriate to do it—that it’s got such strong gravity you gotta achieve escape velocity or else be stuck in orbit around it forever. whereas i’m really quite deeply invested in the idea that like. essentially the same gender experience is potentially viewable thru a variety of lenses, and we ask the person involved which one(s) feel(s) best to them, and what they say is what we go with, not what we decide we think about their body or their trajectory or their peer group or whatever else.

(anyway. nothing new here really i just like. have no bolstering so i gotta keep shoring myself up.)

#the Nowhere Man who waits and the God of Stories who watches

innocently logging in to look at the Twst schedule for May like

Welcome to the Dungeons of Fear and Hunger.

Hello i'm back after 3000 years to rant about cynonari bc cyno's second story quest had me FEELING THINGS and i need an outlet. Not that they haven't been rotting my brain consistently for almost two years but this quest... it's just. So much

The way cyrus tells cyno to invite tighnari along for dinner out of nowhere like he's just part of the family, the camping trip with 4 people (not counting paimon since she's basically one of the traveler's limbs) and only 3 tents (i thought tighnari and collei might share a tent but tighnari was alone in his tent when he woke up after cyno had already left so.....), tighnari's one track mind about catching up with cyno the moment he realizes the situation, not even hesitating about following him to the desert which is the bane of his existence, and then glueing himself to his side, cyno saying he's more than just the general mahamatra or a vessel for a god and tighnari smiling so proudly and saying "exactly", the story of hermanubis confirming that he was a tighnarian which makes their lives historicaly intertwined and gives off big soulmate energy, and then cyno looking at tighnari with a little smile after hearing it and saying "i like this story", their little hideout at the akademiya where they used to go to to chat and watch the sunset..... and then there's this

A fam. Family. Ttadition. A family tradition. Family. I'm foaming at the mouth this is too much

Also.

Look at this face of pure fond exhasperation he keeps giving cyno and tell me this isn't love.

what is it with me and school/university settings because I can't stop thinking about having a nasty one night stand with König at some frat party and he becomes obsessed with you while you don't even know his name. you're just trying to get through uni without crashing and burning while coping using drugs and sex and there's just this fucking guy who you slept with once and now he's everywhere, caring about you to an infuriating degree

guys all she gets is hate and 13 grammys and near constant news coverage and billions of dollars and a private jet :(

i stand by that a better, more sensible, and more intriguing plot for TSATS would have been, instead of retconning literally everything:

Bob is dead (because he was very explicitly absorbed/killed by Tartarus Himself in House of Hades, alongside Damasen), and nobody is going into Tartarus to save him. He made his sacrifice and is gone. However. Remember how the Titans, including Bob, were just kind of kicking around for several years? Particularly. On a cruise ship full of mortals. And Bob happened to be kicking around in general for an extra year versus all the other Titans. And he mythologically sometimes has a mortal demigod son who partook in the Calydonian Boar Hunt (Dryas of Calydon). Yeah.

So turns out, Bob/Iapetus leaves behind a demigod (demititan?) child. And because Nico was pretty much his only friend, he named Nico his child's godfather. And while he's not being left in charge of the child, as a son of Hades and godfather to this kid, Nico is duty-bound to fulfill Bob's last will and go find this like 2 year old to make sure they're safe. So Nico has to undertake this very unusual quest (that raises many questions, such as "demititans are a thing?" and "DOES THIS MEAN THERE'S POTENTIALLY MORE-?!" and "SHOULD WE BE CONCERNED ABOUT THIS?") and is kind of freaking out because. He's the son of Hades! He's notoriously bad with living things, and animals, and definitely small children! Even if he does find this kid and assure they're safe, he is the last person who should be undergoing any kind of quest involving even potentially having to babysit. Fortunately, his boyfriend is the human embodiment of sunshine and calmness and good vibes, and also once helped a nymph give birth, so he feels Marginally More Confident in theoretical demititan babysitting and offers to come along on this Epic Journey of Figuring Out What In Hades' Name Is Up With This Demititan Baby Business.

Proceed with wholesome epic shenanigans quest of Nico and Will scurrying around trying to locate this random OP baby while Nico has an existential crisis about the nature of his powers because he doesn't want to let Bob down! Both for Hades Kid Honor Reasons and because Bob was his friend! But what if he's destined to fail this quest just because of who he is? Because he's simply not built for hanging out with the living/mortals? And Will reassuring him that He Will Probably Not Traumatize The Weird OP Titan Baby And It'll Be Fine, and simultaneously getting a peek into the weird other life Nico leads hanging out with immortals much more than the average demigod, which Nico considers his norm. Bonus shenanigans of both of them getting caught off-guard and culture shocked from where each other's respective worlds (Nico's mostly-immortal versus Will's mostly-mortal) cross over and learning to navigate those for each other - Nico finally starting to make some mortal connections and get glimpses at modern mortal American life, and Will trying not to get his brain literally incinerated while Nico's happily casually catching up with some of his old friends who happen to be literal gods.

OH ANNATAR WE'RE REALLY IN IT NOW

just in class, being completely normal when my professor clicks to the next slide in her presetation and

wait a damn minute.

THE CAST OF THE 2009 NBC SITCOM COMMUNITY??? what are they doing in the middle of a presentation about culturally responsible music pedagogy 🤨🤨🤨

(read like that one neil gaiman falafel tiktok audio)

jasico server was chatting about the cupid scene and jason getting nico's memories blasted straight into his brain and how jason being shot with one of cupid's arrows while with nico and this was just never brought up in canon again and now i'm thinking like...what if that's just how cupid's arrows work? not by magically manifesting love for someone out of nothing, but by giving someone the perspective that'd make them fall in love naturally? jason gets a front row seat to nico's memories and instantly understands him intimately and can trust him completely without any doubt or suspicion

so what if jason, after slowly realizing he's totally in love with nico, just thought back to the arrow incident and it made him second-guess everything? because maybe he's only feeling this way because cupid hit him with an arrow with only nico was around and it's no different than any other god messing with his love life

"Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily."

+ process(tw blood)

Also, look at him, bloody little guy 🥹

This drawing was inspired by several matador pics :D here and here:

^ I don't think I'll ever live up to the second one ah. There's several pics of that specific guy just soaked with blood, and I'm uh a bit obsessed with then ITS FUCKED UP I KNOW OKAY! But I've not drawn blood in a while so it was a bit difficult so I added less than I would want to I guess. Also I'm obsessed with how often they kneel in bullfighting?? Like okay who are you arching your back and spreading your legs for-

nishiki takes kiryu to the disco to pick up Hot Singles In Their Area and kiryu FINALLY takes an interest in someone. guess who it is lol

(click for better quality bc DAMN they got crunched)

pt 2

post exam clarity is hitting me like a truck I feel sick

LOCKWOOD & CO. 1.06