#misogyny isn’t okay just because you don’t like somebody

but you have shielded the people that was about repeatedly.

Just soon back you were reblogging black pills and telling us, oh stupid bi women, stop getting "hung up on" being called dick worshipers, say you're identical to tims, and having your abuses discredited. Ohh fine you say, maybe she should use nicer words to say same things, but she is very right, listen to the things of real importance not your stupid little rape statistics or whatever. Of course she is not a misogynist no no, she is insightful and it is based that everyone reblogs those things. So you get annoyed at bis because they wont ignore misogyny and biphobia, you don't get annoyed at misogyny or your friends reblogging it. wau!

Then just now you get so angry bisexuals dare say we should not feel shame for any aspect of bisexuality. You pretend that post said "het relationships are oppressed by gay people" so you can move the straw man into the goal posts, but what it actually said was that bisexual people are degraded and internalize shame about OSA, even in het relationships. You ignore how first post was bisexuals telling other bisexuals, and literal example in next post was bi woman saying about herself. Yet you pretend its bisexuals forcing gay people to worship us. Reach.

Could not be that its about how people call us dick worshipers, degenerates, sex beasts without love, kink freaks without boundaries, that is bi womens fault if they get raped for being sluts, and even worse things? all that affects us, gets in our heads? But no of course saying those things is fine against a dick worshiper. Well for us is not fine, we feel pain that our fellow bisexuals internalize those things deep in their hearts and it makes them alone and afraid, only you can think that is evil and homophobic somehow. Hetero relationships are celebrated but that does not mean bisexuals or bisexuality are celebrated by heteros, the statistics on the abuse and everything prove that very much. But no of course you ignore any of that to tell us to go "touch grass" as if hetero world is peace for us. Then when the reality reveals itself and the heteros are - the gasping here! - homophobic, you are first in line to coddle the people that tell us we are playing victim and our rape and other abuse is not real compared to what homosexuals feel.

I do not think you are against misogyny, misogyny is fine against bisexuals you by how treat it. You are not getting angry at misogyny you are getting more angry at bisexuals for not putting up with it. What you are against is seeming of misogyny and only just barely.

Oh my fucking god here we go again.

I apologised. I admitted I was wrong. I meant it. And yet you still come at me like this. Honestly you’re just making it clear that I’ll never be good enough for you. If you have such an issue with me and with accepting that I’m both a human and a learning feminist meaning I will make mistakes, just block me.

This whole time I’ve disagreed with language like “dick worshippers”. I’ve made that clear and I don’t know how many times I have to do so for you to stop pretending I haven’t. And even if I was once out there yelling misogynistic language at bi women (which I was not), me reblogging the post speaking against it should make you think “good, she’s changed”, not “ooo let me tell her off for reblogging a post about the issue I want her to address”???? Talk about not leaving room for growth.

The post you’re referring to…I EXPLICITLY STATED I DISAGREED WITH WHAT YOU ARE MENTIONING. Because I am able to read a text critically, I took the good bits which were the criticism of lesbophobia from bi women (and tbh I think you probably take issue with this too, because how dare we talk about anything other than uwu wlw solidarity), and acknowledged it wasn’t perfect. One of the first things I pointed out in my reblog was that I disagreed with saying bi women and TIMs were the same, so you acting like I agree with that is either you ignoring what I said, or being intentionally obtuse.

I agree bisexuals shouldn’t feel any shame for being bisexual. I also agree that a lot of bisexuals get hilariously pissy when gay people don’t give a shit about their OSA and opposite sex relationships. Tbh I’m actually not sure what specific post you’re talking about here because just tonight I’ve seen so many posts where OSA people cry about their het relationships not being seen as “queer” or “gay enough” or some shit. But look, I don’t believe anyone can truly feel shame regarding OSA, because the whole fucking world celebrates and encourages OSA. And I don’t think any homosexual needs to give even an ounce of compassion to OSA people crying to us about how much they don’t like being OSA, because we’re too busy focusing on the victims of homophobia (before you get angrier with me, I’m talking about both gay and bi victims of homophobia).

If you want to talk about the negative stereotypes about bisexuals, or the degrading language used to discuss specifically bisexual women, then talk about that! I’ll support you! But you can do that without making it about how it’s so so hard to be OSA. Idk maybe you’re talking about some post I’ve forgotten about that I misinterpreted and it really is talking about everything you’re saying and isn’t pulling the “gay people make it so hard to be OSA” card, because I’ve seen a bunch of those posts on my dash recently so they’re fresh in my mind and are what I’m thinking of while responding to this. So just know if that’s the case idk what post you’re talking about, and I’m strictly talking about the kweers who cry about people thinking their m/f relationships are straight, and being upset that gay people don’t want to hear about their OSA.

I know in my heart that I’m against misogyny, you can think what you want of me. But in my humble opinion, I think you have a very black and white perception of me that doesn’t allow for realising mistakes and growing from them.

Trying to find progressive masculine community is so exhausting.

I've flipped through local men's groups, trying to find places to explore masculinity in a chill, progressive setting. First of all, they mostly seem to be modelled after AA, and like, my gender isn't a debilitating addiction, it's part of my identity actually, but also, the invite and description of the event have maybe a short paragraph tops actually waving vaguely in the direction of what the purpose of the group is, and then ten to twenty paragraphs breaking down the rules. One spent longer talking about the hand signals he would use to direct conversation than he did describing what the conversation would be about. Another had a full paragraph explaining that if the group thought you were evading what they thought your "real" problem was, they'd probably "call you to take accountability". Like...I don't even know who these people are yet and they're already letting me know that they view it as their right, no, their duty, to bully me into seeing things their way. Like, this is in the invite.

...and this warning is there instead of any sort of breakdown of like, I dunno. Whether you should be a feminist to show up. Whether it was a safe space for queer men. What the hell they wanted to talk about. Joining a men's space is on some level inherently submitting yourself to the authority of the leaders of that group, and you don't usually get a particularly clear breakdown of what the values and goals of those leaders are, because on some level the answer is always going to be "whatever I want"

And like, unfortunately you do need to filter men to build a men's space. You do need to remove or chastise men who act in ways that are toxic or disruptive or misogynistic. If you don't things turn into an MRA chapter pretty quick. But the sort of emergency powers that leadership takes on as a result of that...just kind of naturally end up reproducing masculine heirarchies.

MensLib, the only online community of progressive dudes talking about masculinity that I'm aware of, is...on Reddit. So there is a moderator system. In theory, a moderator is there to...moderate. This is a space where people are going to be talking, and mods are there to make sure things don't get too toxic or off topic.

The issue is that, on some level, that is technically a leadership position. In a sub trying to rehabilitate masculinity. So you've got a bunch of folks who view themselves as the leaders of this bastion of goodness standing against the depredations of the misogynistic internet, guiding the hapless smooth-brain neophytes towards The True Way.

In practice, this looks like 95 percent of the posts submitted for the subreddit being rejected. That isn't hyperbole. On average, the sub has about one new post per day. Almost all posts directly relating a personal experience are deleted immediately, in favour of articles written about masculinity in traditional media publications, which are considered more trustworthy than the sus lived experiences of the guys in the sub. The post I wrote here about the effect of purity culture on male sexual shame that's sitting at about 15K notes was based on a 10K word post I wrote for Reddit that was deleted because "I didn't cite any sources to prove that there is a link between purity culture and male sexual shame, or that my experience was anything more than anecdotal". I get comments deleted on a regular basis, and after paragraphs of protesting in modmail that my comments are both fully in line with feminism and not against the rules, the mods have just finally told me that the rules don't actually drive their actions as a team. They delete anything they feel leads the conversation in a direction they personally feel is unproductive. The rule cited at the time of deletion is really just the broad category of why they decided to hit the button that says nobody is allowed to read what I wrote.

The issue is kind of twofold. First of all, progressive men do not trust other men. A good dude knows that he, individually, is a good person, but literally any other man external to him is on thin ice. Do you really want to tie your wagon to that guy? Do you trust him, really? How do you tell the difference between a guy criticizing an article because it's factually incorrect and criticising it because a woman wrote it? Probably best to play it safe and delete it. Weight of the odds, he's probably a misogynist, right? This is the internet.

And thats the other half of it. If you view yourself as part of the leadership of The Good Guys, and you're getting hatemail from incels and facists all day, you get to the point where most of the time people challenge your authority it's because they're a terrible person. It is very, very easy to get to the point where someone challenging you is seen as evidence that they are a bad person. And now someone is challenging you (and therefore bad), in an environment where you are in charge, and you have a "make your opponent disappear" button.

I know. A Reddit mod was rude to me and now I'm butthurt. It's petty and stupid. I'm just feeling like there's nowhere else to really go, and I'm pretty despondent that literally every space I've seen that even looks like it might be for progressive men has the same deeply hierarchical structure and constant status-oriented squabbling as patriarchal spaces.

It really annoys me when misogynists bring up the whole ‘why wouldn’t everyone just hire women if they can get away with paying everyone less’ because this is such a simplistic take on a complicated issue and doesn’t factor in the following

1) Places already do this anyway. And then they enforce pay secrecy so women are unable to talk about their wages

2) It’s not always about who is cheapest to hire - it is also about who is going to produce the better quality of work and who is going to fit into the team better. In a team dominated by men, who did they think is going to fit into the team better? Another man. In a team full of misogynists who devalue women’s work, who did they believe will do better quality work? A man. Yesterday, I was watching a video where a woman said that she met another woman who was in charge of a team and openly admitted that she would not hire a woman to be part of this team because it would cause too many issues because of sexual harassment claims. These are things people will consider when hiring.

3) It’s simplifying the issue down to ‘all women are paid less than all men in all fields across all levels’ which isn’t true. Some of the pay differences are as a result of women in the same fields doing the same jobs as men but paid less (point 1), but a lot of it comes down the the following two things:

Women are less likely to be promoted than their male colleagues which is the result of many factors including inherent misogyny (thinking women shouldn’t be in leadership, thinking their work is lower quality, etc), women being ‘less dedicated’ due to family commitments, and taking longer to have similar experience to male colleagues due to time off on maternity/raising children

Fields that are dominated by women are lower paid overall, even when comparing to jobs with a similar educational requirement. Teaching and nursing are both jobs which require degrees yet are some of the lowest paid public sector jobs. Female dominated cleaning jobs (eg: housekeeping) are lower paid than similar male-dominated jobs (eg: janitor). Labour seen as ‘women’s work’ is devalued and therefore paid less

4) Whenever we discuss these other factors, like mat leave and taking care of the children, it’s always seen as an ‘explanation’ for why women are paid less, rather than part of larger socio-economic issues leading to women being paid less. Literally saw so many things when I was younger about how it’s only like 2p/£1 rather than 23p/£1 or whatever because once you factored in all of these things above you’d find men and women in similar roles in similar fields are actually paid pretty evenly, without recognising how those reasons themselves are part of the problem. Women are pushed towards lower paid fields from a young age (teaching, nursing, care work, etc). Women are the ones who take months off on maternity leave while men might take two weeks. Women are the ones taking career breaks to look after the kids. Women are the ones working part time or flexible hours so they can look after their children. All of these things have negative impact on women’s income and they stem from misogyny. They shouldn’t be ignored in gender pay gays discussions or used to explain why the gender pay gays isn’t ‘real’.

Some of you really need to step back a little bit and acknowledge how ignorant you are towards how misogyny affects trans mascs and how you yourself may be perpetrating said misogyny when speaking ill of trans mascs.

Which is not something you should be doing at all, fyi. You can talk about individual shitty trans mascs and certain community issues you dislike which involve or are perpetrated by trans mascs without just being transphobic towards trans mascs in general.

So many times I've seen the sentient of 'AFAB's have it really easy, everyone accepts AFAB's as trans, everyone loves AFAB trans people, the world caters to you, there is basically no problems for you if you're AFAB unlike AMAB folk' shown in a variety of ways from a variety of people including just outright saying it. Not to mention the belitting of trans masc experiences with transphobia and misogyny + the way those interact because they identify as men even though transphobes still consider them to be women and don't give a shit about their actual gender.

A main crux of transphobia (though many other factors which result in hating us come into play, too many to go into now) is that trans people are seen as and treated as their AGAB and punished for not identifying as it or portraying it 'correctly' by society. So tell me why so many seem to 'forget' about how misogyny impacts trans masculine people. Could it be because you believe that advocating for trans women and trans femmes and fighting transmisogyny somehow must involve being transphobic towards trans men due to that radfem influence you've absorbed? The world will never reach gender equality of any kind if everything is 'men versus women' so can we just fucking not bring that into trans spaces please.

Examples!

I saw recently a post which perfectly pointed out the potential risks associated with someone considered 'male' growing out her hair but OP clearly knew absolutely nothing about the same risks associated with someone deemed 'female' cutting his hair. Instead of not making that post or doing some research, OP thus assumed there weren't really any risks likely due to already believing that AFAB trans people have it easy.

The ignorance! Misogyny heavily impacts the way hair is treated on those perceived as women (including body hair) and women/those perceived as women have no end of people policing what they can and can't do with their bodies often taking things to the absolute extreme to do so. Short hair on woman may seem 'more accepted' but AFAB people of any gender could quickly tell you multiple situations where it's not and results in the same violence, abuse, homo(lesbo/butch)phobia and yes possibly even death depending on the situation even if you still identify as a woman. Pretending this doesn't happen is straight up misogyny btw.

'AFAB's pass easily by doing basically nothing' is another frequent one which makes me laugh. 'Passing' for most trans people is so situational and so dependent on what you do or don't do to strictly conform to gender stereotypes if you're even able to do that at all. To suggest that the world ignores feminine gender markers the moment someone's hair is short and their chest appears mostly flat ignores both the complexity of how humans perceive gender and how misogyny comes into play whenever a woman/perceived woman shows any masculinity let alone maleness. Considering the same misogyny comes into play frequently against trans women you'd think it'd be easy to remember.

This general sentiment of 'Being born with a vagina means your life is easy and everything you do will be loved and supported because society adores you. You don't and will never have any real problems, not like anyone born with a penis.' isn't magically okay and absolutely super different to when misogynists say it about cis women because you're using AGAB language and cite 'because you're men and blah blah patriarchy' as the actual reason you're saying it. It's very clearly same shit different coat of paint. The pool is there, your toes are in, stop preparing to dive for Gods sake.

While we're on the topic of Mainstream Publishing Discourse...

There's a lot of discussion about how a lot of sci-fi/fantasy written by women and especially WOC that is not YA gets miscategorized as YA on Goodreads and other sites like that. And sure, sometimes it's unfair and just misogynistic/racist. Like, no one should be calling NK Jemisin's writing "YA."

But sometimes you get writers who will make that argument about where you're like.... okay, the reason people keep thinking you're YA is because of actual features of your writing that are similar to YA. Like if R.F. Kuang (she's the one I feel like gets complained about the most lately and I recently read Poppy War and Babel and agree with the complaints) wants to stop being seen as YA, she could maybe learn to have enough faith in her readers to not feel like she has to mention the moral of the story - that is already obvious from every other feature of the story - explicitly spelled out like 50x. She also seems to assume that her reader will disagree with her unless she does that, which is a strange thing to conclude about "colonialism bad" which I don't think anyone who is picking up Babel and reading the description on it is going to go in thinking the opposite of! And that is what makes it feel like YA: because so much YA is designed as intros to "serious issues" for teens that writers assume don't pick up on that stuff without explicitly being told (which I think is a bit insulting to teens, but whatever, it is the genre convention and it is why by 15 I was already reading books for grown-ups in both my free time and my classes). You don't NEED to do that and if you didn't, way fewer people would think your books are YA!

Or like Erin Morgenstern, you'll be seen as YA less if you were able to construct a coherent plot and characterization and didn't instead seem to be going entirely on aesthetics and vibes. Or like Casey McQuiston, whose books absolutely do read like YA books that just have more explicit, fanficcy sex scenes in it. You cannot be shocked people think of Red White and Royal Blue that way when it has such a YA-tastic romance premise that there have been multiple actual YA books since that were blatant rip-offs of it.

I also saw a post about how a lot of these books seem to be set in things like "magical boarding school" or focus on teen protagonists and like, yeah, I feel like in general if your books keep focusing on teenagers in a very similar to way books written FOR teenagers, you can't be shocked that people keep thinking they're YA. Of course there are books about teens that are for adults, but they are usually approached in a very different way with different plots.

Anyway, I do wish people would stop assuming that books that are clearly not YA "are YA" because they are sci-fi/fantasy written by women, because it just makes it that much harder to talk about the ones that really do feel like YA in ways where the authors should probably take that criticism to heart a little bit more. Someone like Kuang clearly does want to be writing for a more adult-litfic-style audience, and should probably listen to the people telling her that her books are too didactic in a way that feels insulting to people who aren't BookTok YA readers.

I tried to bring that up to my book club though when we read Poppy War and one person wouldn't stop shouting me down about how it's "just sexism and racism." And I had to keep shouting back, dude, yeah, I know that's what the discourse is. I know that's why writers like this can brush that off. I'm saying though that in this case, I think some of it's warranted based on how *the book is actually written*

--

I wanna talk briefly about the AI debate because some of the takes I've seen are very much pissing me off, especially since most of those takes aren't helpful at all (and some are just straight up bullying). I already posted about this on my other blog (post in question has since been deleted since it was kinda harsh and ngl very dismissive of very valid concerns!), but the biggest issue I have with the Anti-AI crowd (And, to be honest, the AI debate in general) is that it feels like they're getting mad at the wrong things. No, AI itself is not the problem. No, someone calling themself an "AI artist" is not the problem. No, using AI for fun is not the problem. No, partaking in some AI trend is not the problem. No, someone simply generating AI images is not the problem. The actual problem is: -People feeding other people's art into AI generators and then claiming it as their own (Scraping basically) -People putting other people's writing into AI chatbots/AI text generators (ex. ChatGPT) to "finish" the fic (Again, scraping). -People using AI to make eerily realistic Not SFW deepfakes of either people they know or celebrities. -Corporations and companies screwing over artists, musicians and actors in favor of AI (such as replacing them). -People using AI to make racist/queerphobic/misogynistic/ otherwise bigoted stuff (Something that I've also been seeing unfortunately) -People not being honest about using AI (Transparency, people!) -People using AI to mimic other people's voices without those people's consent (not sure how to word this but i'm sure some of you know what I mean). -The fact that there's almost no regulations when it comes to AI. AI gets a lot of criticism, and it should! Until it becomes more ethical and there's regulations imposed, we should still be skeptical of it. However, I feel like we've gone very off track when it comes to criticizing AI. Personally, I don't think someone posting an AI-generated image of an elf with wings surrounded by mushrooms and rainbows makes them a thief by itself.. But if they made that image using someone else's art, then in that case yes they are a thief! And no, someone partaking in the Pixar AI trend is probably not going to cost you your job. You know what will cost you your job though? Companies favoring AI over actual living beings. So maybe instead of getting mad at someone using Character.AI or posting an AI-generated gothic phoenix, how about we get mad at corporations screwing artists/actors/musicians over and the people using AI with genuine malicious intent?

(Image ID: A banner that is blue with flowers framing it. The text reads "OP is a minor. Please respect my boundaries" End ID)

damn son I'm literally a transandrophobia poster and I routinely rail against TIRFism and even I think your takes are wack. "AMAB privilege" GTFO with that man. we can lift up transmasc voices and promote trans unity and talk about radfem ingression into trans spaces without making this another AMAB/AFAB oppression olympics thing - that was the whole problem, we should be doing the opposite. stop taking words like TIRF and pretending to be against radfems when you're eating their talking points for breakfast

tirf means trans inclusive radfem, so tirfs actually are radfems! i am one myself. terfs aren't actually a thing - there are definitely transphobic radfems, but radfeminism includes ALL afab people, transmascs included. i'm still veryyy critical of how many handle trans issues. i reblog as much material as i can for my book, which very often includes not-so-kind terms/phrasing, but i do try to use language as respectful as i can in my own posts so i can have actual conversations with trans folks and trans activists, including saying amab/afab and agab instead of male/female.

i do believe that transfem people face unique oppression on the complicated axis of what ppl call transmisogyny. which imo is mostly a mix of sexism and homophobia if someone knows that person's sex/agab, mixed with conditional misogyny if they pass and live their life as afab. if they're outed as amab, they're seen as a gnc man again and with all the violent sexism that comes with that. it's a very complex form of oppression. i know they go through a lot of unique trauma, i'm not denying it.

but i also believe that afab people are uniquely oppressed as well.

if not, then what do you call this if not unique oppression? forced impregnation, abortion/pregnancy issues, period tax, lack of menstruation/uterus research & resources, afab bodies being under-represented in medicine which causes horrific things to happen, afab babies being aborted or killed at birth for being born with a vagina (afab) bc they're seen as lesser, afab upbringing coming with very unique experiences that amab ppl for better or worse will never understand (it is NOT a fucking privilege fuck you), being born with a body type that is very obviously vulnerable against people with penises sexually due to people with bio dicks feeling genital pleasure when they stick it in something, and god knows they will not give a shit about the person below them (look at fucking nature documentaries!!!). they will take off the condom. they will pressure ppl to do anal or give painful blowjobs. they will be creeps or jerks about pregnancy. they will generally put penises above vaginas and amab rights over afab rights, and this shit is DEEPLY ingrained in society. transfems being able to transition is very new, meaning that although they had many struggles before, they were not treated as female and had that (perhaps painful) privilege for MOST of human history. this meant being allowed to open a bank, go places without a husband, not being forced to be impregnated like cattle, not being forced to be a mother stuck in a kitchen, and having SOOO much more generational wealth at their disposal. afab ppl reading abt historical afab oppression is upsetting in a way that transfems will never fully be able to relate to. afab people have a deep, rich, unique culture and faced trauma for thousands of years and us being afab is not a privilege!! we have the privilege of not understanding transfem issues, sure, like a woman not being a lesbian won't face lesbophobia. but then again male-attracted women face violence from men in a unique way!! it's complex af when you're already marginalized

most ppl have an agab-based sexuality too, cis men included, meaning afab ppl are the ONLY *INTENDED* target of cis men's lust and sexual violence and whatever misogynistic bs they say about women, since most cis men are heterosexual. amab ppl face it, and it fucking sucks for them too, but they also only face it conditionally - the very second the cis guy realizes the person is amab, the usual trope is them throwing up thinking back on how they kissed and wanting to punch the "crossdressing pervert" EVEN if the transfem had every surgery possible and looked totally afab. they lose attraction, usually anyway, and physical violence linked to homophobia and gncphobia is the danger transfems then risk. which ofc is absolutely horrible, it can be life-ruining. but not an afabmisogyny experience. they aren't unconditionally sexualized. they are mistaken for afab due to all the surgeries and hormones they took. it's misdirected afabmisogyny due to ppl assuming they were born with a vagina and went thru afab puberty. and then harming them bc they see afab ppl as sex objects and dumb bitches, they see us being born and raised afab as a weakness. they hate us and want us for our sex/agab. most misogyny is about specifically afab people! and yes transmisogyny sucks, it should be called out too for sure. but when fem transmascs pass as transfem post-transition they always are open about experiencing misdirected transmisogyny and talking abt transfem rights etc etc. why can't transfems do the same with cis women and transmascs?? why can't they talk abt how transmisogyny & misogyny against cis women are both bad in different ways? it's always them being victims vs those evil privileged bitches!!

and not just quickly mention it but ACTUALLY speak up about it, uplift afab voices, and be genuinely good afab allies? where are the posts from transfems calling out transfems' afabmisogyny? why can't transmascs or cis women write posts abt it without being met by death threats and terf accusations? i know you think you can only further transandrophobia discussions by tiptoing around the existence of afab-exclusive misogyny. i know talking abt transmasc-unique issues already leads to insane amounts of bullying from afab & transfem folks. but i'm tired of transfems getting away with shitty behavior. i'm tired of cis women being only seen as oppressors against transfems. something needs to change. i truly believe that radfeminism isn't a lost cause, and in fact there are more and more transmasc radfems, and even transfems who are strong radfem allies. people are finally waking up to the realities of afab oppression!! they're finally embracing nuance!

misogynistic behavior from transfems gets brushed under the rug and them being amab is seen as completely irrelevant, anyone bringing it up is a bigot, while afab folks are more than open to their agab being a factor in conflict... it's unfair. as you've shown, transfems and the ppl speaking for them refuse to have nuanced talks abt afab oppression, they view it as "omg we're all oppressed!! shut the fuck up theyfab go bootlick those privileged cis cunts! no one wants to hear about your issues for longer than a minute, only listen to MINE!! being afab is a PRIVILEGE i didn't get to grow up afab stop rubbing it in my face!!!" what sucks is that transfems and transfem allies used to be soooo much more respectful of cis women and transmasc people's rights too. literally NO ONE used to say that being afab genuinely meant you got benefits in society. no one. like holy fucking shit. the past 20 years has been a fever dream!!!

i'm 100% for transfems living their best lives, transition included, and i've heard many horror stories of transfem-specific experiences i'll never truly understand. but it's not a strict oppressor/oppressed dynamic all the time. just because you're not oppressed on every axis of oppression ever doesn't mean you have no struggles. it's fucking insane that i keep needing to explain that to people, like oh my god do y'all not understand that someone can be both privileged and disprivileged in society in different ways, and might need to both have their voices boosted sometimes and ALSO need to take a back seat other times??? this ain't us cis radfems OR transandrophobia activists just playing oppression olympics. this is an oppressed group talking abt their unique struggles and being mocked to hell and back. and it's sad that it's seen as catty and selfish and bitchy. but as an afab woman i'm not surprised lmao.

and yeah you might speak on transmasc issues, but do you speak on afab rights? do you call out misogynistic bullshit that transfems say about cis women too? do you speak on cis women's oppression as well, about how they're oppressed by amab people too and are oppressed in a different way than transmasc or transfem folks, for being afab and ALSO identifying as women? do you mention how afab people are a uniquely oppressed class of people, or are you too scared of stepping on transfem toes bc they're seen as the top of the oppression pyramid and will harass you off the site?? why is saying that amab people as a class have privilege over afab folks on an oppression axis controversial? what about that feels like an attack?

if you're transfem or otherwise are amab and live perceived as afab, and you aren't afraid to recognize that afab oppression is its own thing and deserves its own voice and its own movement, ily bestie. i see you. i see more and more of you lately and it warms my heart. we aren't enemies, we can learn from eachother. thank you for working thru that initial knee-jerk reaction and learning to be a good ally to afab folks. i wish you the best <3 and if you're transmasc you DESERVE to have your voice heard too. you deserve to speak on afab rights and for transfems to want to be good allies to you too!! ALL afab people have unique voices that need to be heard for once!

wrt using 2016 fandom as a cudgel: in your experience, to what degree is that manifesting these days as "things were better back in the good old days" as opposed to "the fandom sucked back then so that justifies me refusing to hear criticism of my faves now"? or is it roughly equal and the degree of fervor behind that sentiment just depends more on the demographics of whichever social media site you're using?

So please take this with a mountain of salt in that I know a decent amount about the Reddit through having dealt with the guy who founded it and through people I know who check it out, but I rarely actually go there, and similarly I don't care much for Twitter. Please also note that I started watching in 2018, and then lurked around the Tumblr fandom (as someone already on Tumblr) for about 5 months [was simultaneously binging C1 and watching C2 week to week, caught up around July 2018] before actually making this sideblog, so I was not myself there in 2015-2017.

With that said, my understanding is that it's the social media site you're using. Reddit is bemoaning the good old days when you could order the cast pizza and Matt posted dropboxes of his stuff regularly and forgetting that like, early episodes were filmed in an Ikea set from the mid-90s with sound that sounded like it was coming out of a cassette player from the mid-90s and more importantly that there was a strong group of rampant misogynists. Tumblr, meanwhile, has people who unironically think that there is some magic threshold of toxic misogyny after which you are indefinitely excused from even a whiff of anything that isn't adoring praise. I suspect, honestly, the Reddit is fueling much of the Tumblr discourse, because it feels like this attitude on Tumblr had been on a strong downswing during Campaign 2 and the few stragglers who were around (and who tipped me off to this phenomenon in the first place) rage quit at the end, but it's now being dragged around, Weekend At Bernie's-style, by people I legit do not remember seeing before like, a year ago.

I think there are valid discussions to be had because, frankly, every member of the cast has in some way been done dirty by the fandom, and on Tumblr at least I think that's been getting better every year as the cast continues to show off their range and grow more confident. But I also think, as the fandom picks up new people - which is good - you get this very ahistoric idea of What It Was Like (and again: I admit openly that I was there in 2018; I was not there in 2016). Like, people will claim that a woman character wouldn't get the same hate if she were played by Liam and that's just...never been true. It's fine to be frustrated by the way people talk about your favorite character, but there is a way to talk about that that isn't just straight up lies and presumptions. And I think again that's people not realizing the Reddit is not a remotely reliable source of what the fandom was like, despite the Reddit attempting to be a recreation of what it was once like, because nostalgia is a hell of a drug.

Hence the "kill the Reddit within". Setting aside what you think was going on during the early years of the fandom, what's the fandom like now? What issues do we see now? Are they a continuation of that attitude, or have they arisen since then as the fandom changes? How can you thoughtfully address them now in a way that isn't passive-aggressive (or worse, outright harassment) or relies on flat-out incorrect claims?

Sorry to ask but why did you call Adria sexist? What has she done?

I don’t mind the question. I think it’s important to back up my claims so here we go.

If you watch her interviews, she's weirdly consistent about this really odd opinion she has about women.

Here she basically says men and women have different attributes when it comes to strength and toughness (which is sexist). Talking about her character that is known to "talk like a woman, walk like a woman," I don't even know what this means. But it comes off that she thinks there exists a single way a woman should act. Her character being a typical feminine-damsel type also implies her preference for this stereotype.

Reading through her other interviews she has a very narrow idea of what a woman should be, especially when it comes to ‘taking care of men’ and whatnot. I want to be clear it is one thing with having personal preferences to how you want your female characters to be presented, which is totally fine, preference is preference. But why this is problematic and moves past mere preferences is because she is saying one is better than the other. That women should be represented in this certain way.

She's done this not with just her latest character, but a lot of them.

Here she says her character is a "real woman" implying that there is a way to be an authentic woman as opposed to an inferior type. She also implies that her character is a real woman because she takes care of people. I don't feel the need to explain the issue with idealizing this.

It's again, her weird notion there's a difference between "tough" and "strong". Here she adds that women should 'own their femininity,' as if the opposite is what women are experiencing.

Not that this completely applies but it’s common for women who perceive other women to be adopting too ‘boyish’ of traits, to believe they are misogynists and rejecting their own kind. But this generally isn’t true— and the real issue with this is that it’s actually those that show conventionally masculine traits that are typically a minority and/or marginalized across women. Studs, butches, and tomboys helped pave the way and redefined culture for all women. In reality, they can be considered the epitome of feminism – proving that you don’t have to look, think, or act “like a woman” to be a woman.

It's, again, fine she may have had a preference. But to make a whole career where women are meant to be portrayed a certain way is such a red flag for me. Especially when she likens herself to them.

The rest of her snippets, to be very honest, it's just a bad fucking vibe I get from her, man. Like why would you say this?

and this?

"Sexist," one might say, might be a rather strong claim for someone who may, arguably, insist on a certain portrayal for women?

No, it fits because not only is this "preference" already largely overrepresented in media, but there are several ways of being sexist. The actress especially is exhibiting what is known as benevolent sexism, a more socially accepted form of sexism prevalent among both men and women.

Examples of benevolent sexism include:

basing a woman’s value on her role as a mother, wife, or girlfriend

focusing attention and praise on someone’s appearance rather than their other attributes

believing that people should not do things for themselves, such as manage money or drive a car, because of their gender

A lot of these can be done without intentional malice very easily! It could be seen as a complement telling someone "wow! I love your braids and lipstick, you really look like a real woman," or "my character is special and great because she is such a good friend and so loyal to this male character" without adding anything else. These, no matter the intent, are still very stupid and sexist to say.

I guess it's important to note where I am coming from and it is that I fucking hate toxic radfems. I hate how lesbian spaces drown out studs and mascs. I hate terfs and people who gatekeep identities because a certain representation isn't good enough for them. And while this actress's crimes are likely a misdemeanor compared to these awful gatekeepers, I cannot stand the stupidity of any hint of lateral violence. Especially when you’re relatively rich and famous you have a responsibility to not hold people back.

I can see that for others it’s not a big deal, hence “socially acceptable”. But it’s ideas she spouts like these that are poisonous to progress. The point should be that there should be no expectation for women. You can be anything you want because you want to. It's when I see comments to the things she says that make my blood boil like “yea! I love women who aren't so in our face ” (aka I don't want female characters with agency or opinions or as the lead) or “this is what a real woman is, sensual and feminine” (aka sexualized, long hair, tits, and ass).

I’m not above giving her the benefit of the doubt that she’s just kind of dumb. Like she’s not out here with a tradfem agenda or whatever. Outside of sexism she’s just bad at explaining anything. This is the last time I’ll probably criticize this woman because I already blocked her tag and she’s a flop anyway so she's easily ignorable. I really hate hating on women because they’re criticized enough, but there is a standard to be met when it comes to being aware and respectful. I wish I was cherry picking but I found all these interviews in like a 20 minute Google search and that's pretty damn telling of her career. She's also like 30 something years old. It's difficult watching a full adult infantilize her own character or see people believe she's "just naïve" when you can just say that they're being sexist.

This is probably gonna be a bit of a ‘controversial’ take for the reactionary folks on tumblr.com but frankly, I think this needs to be talked about more:

I’m genuinely tired of seeing both cis women and transmascs/trans men/nonbinary people squabbling over dumbass terminology regarding reproductive issues and again, seeing the whole damn forest for the trees. This whole situation can easily be solved by calling this a violation of human rights, instead of insisting it’s a ‘woman’s issue’ only or a ‘trans man/nonbinary issue’.

Like, I hate to make it sound like I’m dismissing people’s concerns but this kind of narrow ass thinking is only going to continue to distract us from getting our asses in gear to work towards a similar cause.

There’s already so much transphobia in cis feminist spaces AND misogyny in trans men/transmasc spaces that I literally hate being around any of y’all 😂 and that’s genuinely sad considering the reality that any of us with the ability to get pregnant will be effected by all anti-choice laws. It makes no sense to be arguing over terminology when the best and most realistic way to go about handling these issues would be to cite them for what they are: human rights issues. Women are human beings. Trans people are human beings. The right to any kind of bodily autonomy is inherently a human rights issue because it will effect human beings, y’all.

I understand why it’s important to break down specific social issues that may only effect a specific group of people (ex: talks about anti-blackness and how it effects black people should always be spearheaded by black people) and I agree that having that nuance and intersectional thinking will always be important. However, the issue of reproductive rights is expansive and effects millions of folks, in various communities, all capable of getting pregnant and in need of absolute autonomy over their own bodies.

That’s what this issue is about. So, I would highly suggest checking your own biases and the way you talk about this issue, as well as the people who are literally in the same boat as you before you claim which terminology is ‘better’ or ‘more inclusive’. Because frankly, it doesn’t make a difference to a bunch of anti-choice people in powerful positions. They don’t give a shit about our terminology and who’s getting effected by what.

They only care about controlling other human beings as they see fit and the moment we can realize that this is literally a grave human rights violation, while seeing each other as actual people first before our genders, that’s when tangible structural change can happen and be permanent.

Reproductive rights are human rights. The right to a safe abortion is a human right. The right to make your own decisions, be them medical or not, about your own body is a human right. Stop losing sight of that just because something isn’t ‘worded’ in a way that makes you 100% comfy. This isn’t a time to get tripped up over words, it’s a time to reinstate your autonomy as a human being and start working together to make shit happen.

NOTE: TERFs/transphobes/misogynists/anti-choice creeps will all be blocked on sight.

The question of man-hating among radical women seems like the most difficult one to get up a serious discussion on. And you really feel crummy dragging it all out again only to encounter the raised eyebrows, the surprised expressions, voices vibrating with moral indignation; or worse yet, some cute joke and a round of hearty chuckles completely destroying your point. But hold on! Before you get indignant, before you make your little joke, allow me to try to convince you that man-hating is a valid and vital issue.

Hatred is certainly an observable human fact. And since women are human—not a link between man and the ape—not some innocuous, shadowy, fairy-tale version of the Man— since this is so, hatred, hostility and resentment probably exist somehow in us. And, further, since many of us have already come to the conclusions of feminism—that equal status and opportunity with the male is necessary to our full human existence the realization of our past and continued subjugation has most likely aroused in us some sentiment resembling hatred. Now, each of us, in denying our hatred and explaining our astonishing magnanimity, relies upon some common argument. Among the most common:

Argumentum ad Sexus:

"Men and women are made for each other sexually. I am perfectly 'normal.' Therefore, I must certainly love men."

Answer:

Many men engage in sexual intercourse, often extensively, even marry, while yet hating women. These men are called misogynists. Now, there is no shame in being a misogynist. It is a perfectly respectable attitude. Our whole society (including too many of the women in it) hates women. Perhaps we need a Latin or Greek derivative in place of "man-hating" to make the perfect symmetry of the two attitudes more obvious.

Argumentum ad Superioritus:

"Hate man? No! Definitely not! We must understand them; they depend upon us to show them how to love."

Answer:

This argument is based upon the "Natural Superiority of Women." We are congenitally incapable of hatred. It is our mysterious XX chromosomal structure. Failing to "understand" the man is a perversion of our second nature. Brushing aside forever the utterly unprovable fiction of our second nature, and speaking purely from personal experience, it would seem, on the whole, that people do not react to oppression with Love. I mean the poison seeps out somehow. Sometimes aggressively on those in an even meaner position; sometimes taking the form of an all-pervading and impotent resentment—a petty and spiteful attitude. When women take their hatred out on others, those others are likely to be other women, particularly their own daughters. In doing so they reconcile their own impulse for an object of hate with the demands of an authoritarian system which requires all hate and spite to be directed downward, while respect and "understanding" are reserved for higher-ups, thus keeping nearly everyone supplied with pre-ordained and relatively powerless victims.

Anyway, all arguments which tend to suppress the recognition of man-hating in our midst are reducible to this: fear. Man-hating is a subversive and therefore dangerous sentiment. Men, who control definition, have made of it a disgusting perversion. We have heen unable to get out from under their definition. I've been at meetings where women actually left because they thought that "man-haters" were on the loose. One woman talked to me in awe and disgust about a woman who she felt had made an anti-male statement at a meeting. It has been the cause of a deep rift within Women's Liberation. It is a vital issue because it involves ultimately the way we feel about ourselves, and how far we are willing to go in our own behalf.

Hatred and Man-Hating

There is no dearth of hatred in the world, I agree. But the thing is, people keep on hating the wrong people. For instance, a lot of people apparently believe that we must fight to preserve our freedom against little Vietnam. Whites, just now stepping out of poverty themselves, arm against the "menace" of the Poor and the Blacks. Upper-middle-class radical snobs despise the class of Whites just beneath them. And men hate women. Our hatred is such a shoddy and confused emotion. We indulge in the most circuitous and illogical prejudices. We have never given the idea of hating someone who has actually done something hateful to us a chance. Oh, I know we ought to hate the sin and love the sinner. But too often we end up loving the sinner and hating his victim (as when one woman seeing another put down, or hearing about her unhappy affair, calls it masochism and that's the end of it ).

If hatred exists (and we know it does), let it be of a robust variety. If it is a choice between woman-hating and man-hating, let it be the latter. Let us resolve to respond immediately and directly to injury instead of taking it all out on a more likely victim. It is a difficult stance because it requires a fidelity to what is real in us and neither innocuous nor attractive to oppressors, to that part of you which turned you on to feminism in the first place. That part which is really human and cannot submit.

-Pamela Kearon, ‘Man-Hating’ in Radical Feminism, Koedt et al (eds.)

trandsandrophobia/transmisandry discourse ahead. sorry. warned you.

sigh. yes transphobia against trans men is real. but it's called transphobia. it's not because we are men it's because we aren't seen as men. therefore, not misandry, even if misandry was a real widespread issue (it is not). also, transmisogyny isn't just transphobia against trans women. it is the result of both the ways society hates trans people and hates women.

Comparatively, there is no "intersection" at the issues trans men face, because it's just about being trans, not actually about being a man (because, and say it with me: society at large, structurally, does not hate men.) we do face some specific issues when we are targeted by transphobia! but that's.....what it is. misandry isn't at play. they just hate us for not being cis & straight.

terfs & radfems may genuinely hate men and are bioessentialist dickheads, but they are not society at large & the beliefs that are gaining traction are the ones that they ally with regular flavor misogynists over, the transphobic goals they prioritize over any specifically feminist beliefs; and while they say they hate men, they don't really go out of their way to harass cis men, do they? Rarely, if so, and not to the extent they harass trans people (they look to trans men for "recruitment", even, because they so truly don't believe we are men. If they did, they'd probably leave us alone, because they don't really have any problem with cis men who stay in their lane, so to speak.) If they truly hated all men as much as they said they did, you wouldn't see them licking so many fascist cis men's boots. hence, you can't even find real individual, not structural, "misandry" there, they just say they feel that way cause it's convenient (and really, when you're a fascist's friend, you'll say whatever belief is most convenient to you- whatever belief gets rid of the people you don't like in society. They have already given up their moral integrity & consistency in favor of this, once they've gone far enough down the far-right hole.)

anyway. so that's why I think talking about trans men's issues isn't wrong, because they are there.....but so many of the discussions around them are woefully off track. even really when you take misandry out of the name, to be honest, because even when you take that word out, the concept is changed none at all, bc the underlying concept wasn't unpacked. so........that's just how I view it.

Rhyngom (Between Us) - Chapter One

Chapter one - Rhoi Ffidil yn y Tô.

Pairing - Frankie Morales x reader.

Series summary - Dipping your toes in the dating pool again after taking a break, you find yourself disappointed once again. What happens when you meet the perfect man in Francisco Morales? Can two people, scarred by their pasts, work through their issues together?

Warnings - swearing, sexist/misogynistic comments, mention of Andrew Tate (ew I'm sorry), mention of cheating.

Four dates. Four failed dates in the last month. Four failed FIRST dates, none of them were decent enough to want to see again. One failed date a month. Four men. Four boys? Whatever they were, they were not worth the time spent on them this last month. 

One of these failed dates was happening right now. He was handsome, tall with dark hair and dark eyes; he was your type. Well, he was your type physically, his personality was very quickly turning you off, he was talking incessantly at you, not even bothering to ask you anything about yourself, clearly his life was way too interesting for him to want to hear even a tiny morsel of information about yours. 

“....yeah but it’s really not worth it you know, especially if I can’t have a beer afterwards,” Jack(?) continues to ramble on and you force a chuckle, which you doubt actually convinced him that you thought what he said was funny, or even that you were listening to anything he was saying. 

Jesus Christ, what a boring guy. 

So boring that you had already mapped out the exits in the dimly lit restaurant. There was the main entrance, only a few tables away, all you would have to do is walk to the bar, maybe pretend to ask the bartender for a drink, wait for your date to pick up his phone, no doubt to text one of his friends to boast about trying to take you to bed tonight (not happening), and then rush passed the happy couples sat at the candlelit tables, bright smiles adorning their lovestruck faces. Unfortunately, that was the only exit in sight, but your date’s rambling was tempting you to get up and leave without an explanation. Regret was quickly travelling through you, as if it was seeping into your pores, covering your whole body, entering you seamlessly and asking the question, why the fuck did you agree to this? 

     You were trying. Trying so hard to take your therapist's advice about putting yourself out there again, Dr Williams had said it would be productive for you to go on dates, dust off the high heels or whatever she’d said. You had been taking a break from dating, a long one, from men in general, dubbing them not worth the trouble, the pain, the time. But apparently, avoiding dating, intimacy and men in general isn’t just being independent or a ‘boss bitch who doesn't need a man’ as you’ve chanted in the mirror countless times, it’s just deep intimacy issues. Apparently, you're scared of intimacy, of opening up to people, of showing yourself too closely, just in case they change their mind, no longer like what they see and leave. 

       “...and you know what, if I’m paying for all the dates, then yeah I expect the woman to do my laundry and the dishes and all that, you know? Because it’s not even about the money, it’s…,”

     These last four dates were enough to take you right back into a long break from men, or this time maybe you would just give up. This guy, Jack, or was it Jake? Anyway, this guy’s blatant misogyny was too much to listen to so you chugged your glass of wine and, cutting him off from expressing his riveting opinion on so-called 50/50 while dating, mumbled a half-assed excuse to leave halfway through the meal. Ignoring the shocked look on his face, you rise from your chair, ignore his protests and leave the restaurant, not feeling one ounce of guilt for leaving him with the bill. If you had more energy, maybe you would have lectured him on his obvious sexism, tell him to skip the Andrew Tate videos on his feed, but you needed to get out, distance yourself from him, from his voice, from his gaze that shamelessly wandered down to your cleavage at the end of every sentence. 

Back at your apartment, you’re in your comfiest clothes in bed, with a glass of wine, determined to at least try and enjoy what is left of your Friday night. After sending your best friend Ava a text, filling her in on the abrupt ending of the date with the self absorbed asshole, you turn on a crappy dating show and half listen to what they’re saying. A loud knock at the door interrupts your trash tv session. You push back the duvet and, with great confusion, make your way to the door. You glance at the clock on the oven on the way, which reads 20:45. You definitely weren’t expecting company tonight, your mind races with possibilities as to who could be standing on the other side of the door as you cast a glance into the peephole. Your mind is silenced when you see the familiar dark curls of your closest friend, Ava. Her dark hair, unruly but graceful, elegant in the way it falls down her back and frames her face. Her eyes, also dark, are kind and honest, you know them as the eyes that always searched you out in the parties she’d drag you to back in college, the eyes that no matter what she told you; good news or bad, would gaze softly into yours, with enough compassion to soften any blow. Ava has been there for you through it all; when the sunny sky disappears and you're alone in the rain, Ava shelters you, so really it’s no surprise that she heard about your shitty night and came straight over, bottle of wine clutched in her right hand and a bright smile on her face when you open the door. 

“Couldn’t leave you all alone after you just got up and left a date. I can’t believe you did that, before you would have just sat there all quiet, waiting for it to be over,” she says to you over her shoulder, after pushing into your apartment and taking off her coat, the ease with which she does this evidencing the amount of times she’s burst through the door, treating the space as if it was her own. 

“I’m so proud of you Fig! I mean you just, you weren’t happy so you left! That's how you need to be in this game, don’t waste any time,” she continues as she grabs two glasses from the cupboard and begins generously pouring the wine.

“Yeah well, thought I might as well end my last date with a bang,” you say through a half hearted chuckle, and immediately regret it when she looks at you, eyes full of pity as she raises her glass to her mouth, mumbling a you don't mean that. 

“I do Ava, I really do,” you sigh, frustration evident in your tone. You gulp from your glass and continue, “I would rather be single forever than go on another date with some guy who calls himself a high value man, who’s actually just a raging sexist hiding behind traditional values,” you exclaimed, voice straining with annoyance and hands flying up to mimic air quotes. You were truly exhausted. Exhausted of trying to find someone you were compatible with, someone you could enjoy the simple things with. Exhausted of only finding men with no feminist bone in their body, no emotional intelligence, no empathy, not even basic conversation skills. You were just looking for love. At your core, you wanted to be loved. Sure, you’d had relationships in the past, you’d been in love, but you hadn’t received the love you wanted. You gave the love you wanted to receive, but it was never reciprocated. Or if it was, it was taken away just as quickly as it was given, handed to you and then snatched back to its rightful owner. You wanted laughter, soft kisses in bed at night, you wanted to let someone in, allow them to see the deepest parts of you and be loved all the more for it. You wanted tight embraces in the morning, you wanted to feel their grasp loosening reluctantly, accompanied with whispers of just five more minutes. More importantly, you wanted this consistently, not just for the first few months of the relationship, not just until they show their true colours. Not just until they find someone new and give them the love you craved.

 It’s what you want, but how can you even look for it? How can you look for such light when the darkness is so overbearing? It seemed easier to give up all hope. 

“Ok, look,” Ava cuts in, as if reading your mind, “you can’t give up because I know a guy that I think you might really like. Nothing like the guys you’ve been on dates with lately. He’s respectful, kind, and actually, doesn't really talk all that much. I can guarantee he wouldn’t fill an entire date with constant jabbering about himself.”

“I don’t know Ava,”

“Did I mention he’s cute?” She hurriedly exclaims before you can fully shut her down. “Curly dark hair, dark eyes, broad shoulders, he’s very strong looking. And… I have it on good authority that he’s good in bed. It’s always the quiet ones, you know?”

You watch her as she tries to hide the smirk growing on her lips, bringing her wine up to her mouth and taking a long sip. She’s obviously proud of herself, her convincing nature once again swaying you into saying yes. 

“He sounds nice Ava but I can’t do another blind date, I don’t have it in me.”

“That’s ok, babe. Just come to the little get together Benny’s hosting on Saturday. He’ll be there. You should wear that purple dress you look good in, you know, the one with the flowers under the boobs,” she says while gesturing to her underboob aggressively. “You never know, you might get lucky. Finally break that dry spell you’ve got goin’ on.” 

You ignore her dry spell comment, there's nothing you can say to combat it, she’s right. It’s been a while, a very dry while since you’ve even met a guy that made you want to have sex. So instead you ask how she knows the guy she’s planning on setting you up with. 

“He’s been friends with Benny for years, they served together.”

This new piece of information steered you towards saying yes, you knew Benny well. He was an amazing partner to Ava, treated her well. You liked Benny, you trusted him. He wouldn’t be friends with anyone you’d want to stay away from, right? 

You sighed and asked, “What’s this guy’s name?”, and drank the last of your wine. You were about to hear the name of the man who would effortlessly weave his way into your life. You were strangers at that point in time, as you stood in your kitchen, ready to completely close yourself off. But you would soon walk the paths at which strangers cross, and this path turned into the path you walked together. No longer strangers, lives intertwining. 

“Francisco Morales.”

Rating Alex Rider Villians on a scale of 1-10 on how supportive they'd be of me telling them I'm Agender: SCORPIA addition

[Just so we are clear, the concept for this came from a TikTok-er who does a good amount of Alex Rider content/analysis!)

Julia Rothman: 0/10 She'd call me 'girly-pop' in a heartbeat. Julia Rothman is such a Girl Boss (derogatory), that she'd become transphobic. She'd not believe that I was actually agender and be fully convinced that I'm only saying this because of internalized misogyny or something. She'd be calling me 'young lady', 'girly', 'Ms./Miss', any and all gendered terms because she'd know that it made me uncomfortable and that I hated it. Also, seeing as I'm not a literal underage boy, she probably wouldn't care too much about me in the first place... I don't think that Julia Rothman should be around children in general. She needs some Jesus...

Zeljan Kurst: 4/10 I get the sense that he'd find me pretty annoying as a person, so I'd already be on thin ice as it was. He wouldn't understand what being agender was and he probably would just have me labeled in his head as a girl, but he'd use the correct pronouns and otherwise not make a big fuss out of it. Zeljan Kurst really would just be trying to do whatever he could to not have to deal with me more than he absolutely would have to.

Max Grendel: 10/10 He gives supportive grandpa vibes! He might not always understand or get the pronouns right all the time, but he cares! A bit lost at times, but immaculate allyship!

Major Winston Yu: -1/10 Not only am I an American (i.e. NOT British) and am actively beefing with the concept of England in general, he'd already be having issues with me. Not only that, but he wouldn't understand what was going on and absolutely refuse to learn/get an explanation. He'd be misgendering me left and right in the most oddly polite way ever. Like, bro would look me dead in the eye and say "My dear girl" and then start ranting about his plans and how great England is or whatever.

Brendan Chase: 7/10 It'd start off fine with him being very accepting and supportive, but I could see it getting really weird real quick. He'd probably start asking me some really personal/probing questions about being agender and wouldn't see anything wrong about asking about it. But if/when I told him that it was personal/I wasn't comfortable with the questioning, he'd back off and apologize right away!

Abdul-Aziz Al-Razim: 0/10 He'd want to study the psychological pain of experiencing gender dysphoria and transphobia... He also just gives homophobic/transphobic/misogynistic energy in general. He'd actively hate crime me and observe my response for ~ScIEnCe~ and pleasure.

The Grimaldi Twins (they'd want to be counted as a single person): 6/10 They'd be pretty chill about it, I can't see either of them taking issue with me being agender. They'd be supportive, but they wouldn't care too much. It's pretty much just that. Nothing really to say here. If they killed me mafia style, it'd be because of something I did to fuck up their plans. Not because I'm agender. We stan equal opportunity kings! (Not really though.)

Doctor Three: 11/10 He's a strong ally! Dr. Three understands and respects how gender is fluid/relative/a social construct and he'd be very supportive! He'd also be out there actively fighting transphobia in the medical community through normal personal measures, but also through murder if he must!

Oliver D'Arc: 4/10 He just wouldn't care that much. If I told him my pronouns, he'd just be like 'ok' then immediately proceed to misgender me. He would never do anything outside of that though.

Yassen Gregorovich: 10/10 As a professional, Yassen would be using my preferred pronouns no questions asked! He'd also politely correct people who got the pronouns wrong or kill them because he's a ride or die like that (I may not be a Rider, but I feel like Yassen would still have my back in this area though).

Desmond Nye: 100/10 HE IS AN ALLY YOUR HONOR!!!! DESMOND NYE HAS PRIDE FLAGS IN HIS OFFICE AND ALWAYS ASKS FOR PREFERRED NAMES AND PRONOUNS! AND HE RESPECTS THEM! WHEN HE WAS IN CHARGE THERE WERE VERY STRONG ANTI-DISCRIMINATION POLICIES IN PLACE AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL! (As you can see I am very calm and normal about this headcanon.)

Nile: -11/10 He'd only be this level of unsupportive because he'd hate me and want to make me feel as uncomfortable/invalidated as humanly possible. If it was anyone other than me, he'd be fairly supportive, like, a solid 5/10! But we do have to take into account that Nile is totally very petty and that I'd bet good money he'd get very creative with his transphobia in a not-good way. In short, NILE IS A HATER!!!

Karl Steiner: -2/10 He'd psycho-analyze me and try to gaslight me into being cis. He'd straight up become a conversion therapist in an instant, but he'd also try to ease into the role to not scare me off and then go from there. But that would be his secondary goal. His primary goal would be to see if I'd make a good assassin and IDK how I'd do on his tests and that's not what we're talking about here. All in all, would not recommend this man as a therapist for anyone ever.

Anthony Sean 'Ash' Howell: 5/10 He'd just nod and say "nice" before going back to smoking and being angsty which, honestly, slay! (Not the smoking part! Don't smoke kids, it's very, very, extremely bad for you!) I can't see him being transphobic, but I can't see him being an ally either. He's just a guy. He's just Ken.

Gordan Ross: 8/10 He is a supportive man! As long as I was tuned into his lessons and knew what was going on, then we'd have no problem! I could also see him correcting people if they misgender me which is an added bonus.

Eijit 'Jet' Binnag: 8/10 Jet would use the correct pronouns and would have a general understanding of what being agender means, she'd also occasionally correct people if they used the wrong pronouns. Mostly all she'd care about was whether or not I put effort into her classes and knew what was going on.

Amanda: 10/10 Asks for pronouns, uses pronouns, corrects people when they use incorrect pronouns, not notes! Only good ally vibes!

Walker: 8/10 He's got nothing against being agender and would definitely use they/them pronouns, but he'd also just say some really out-of-pocket stuff about trans/non-binary/agender people and unintentionally make things uncomfortable. So, he gets points off for that, but having said that, Walker would totally correct people if they got my pronouns wrong and it wouldn't JUST be because he's a little bitch who likes to correct people to be annoying!

Klaus: 1/10 He worked with so, so, so many terrorist groups and is a mercenary. This man would not be out there saying trans rights! He probably wouldn't hate crime me if we were both students because he wouldn't want to get in trouble with Jet, Gordon, Amanda, Walker, or Yassen. I also couldn't see him going out of his way to hate crime me. Klaus would refuse to use the correct pronouns and constantly refer to me as a 'girl' when he thought he could get away with it. If he did use they/them for me, it would be because he was forced to. That being said, it wasn't like he would've been talking to or interacting much with me in the first place, so he'd be easy to ignore and it would be mutual.

Hi, Kelsey! I hope you’ve have a nice holiday season. I was wondering if you had any tips for me? I’m starting university again after dropping out three years ago. I’m a pretty anxious person and am already feeling overwhelmed with my upcoming courses. How did you deal with pressure? Thank you ❤️

hi, ella! i have had a nice holiday season (despite the weird health issues going awn)!! and i hope you have too :-)

of course, i have tips! first of all, congratulations for making the decision to go back! that’s really exciting and a really big step toward wherever in the future you want to end up. i’m not sure if you’re going to attend online or in-person (either commuting or through living on campus), but i’m pretty sure all of my tips will be mostly applicable for all forms. (edit: they were mostly on-campus)

i also totally understand the anxiety. i got a little lucky when i was thrown into college life during the peak of the pandemic because we were all kind’ve bound to our dorm room and made to socialize, so i had nothing to do (beyond write fanfic lol) besides make myself be social with the other girls. however, i did experience really heavy bouts of anxiety when i was put back into standard in-person classes after a few years of luxury in online schooling (i found this method just agreed best with me — working at my own pace and not having to prioritize socializing. i actually became much more introverted during college/post-pandemic), just because i found it very difficult to make friends in an environment where nobody—including myself—really wanted to be there.

but i won’t start there.

firstly, i’m not sure if this is applicable to you, but do not mind any sense of “feeling behind.” it’s not like high school — absolutely nobody judges anybody of any age being in any level of a college class. in my upper level classes, i regularly had 35+ year olds either finishing their degree, returning for a second degree, etc etc, and that was just life. in college, absolutely nobody is working on the same time table and nobody will bat an eye at you saying “yeah, i decided to come back” or even if you just say “i took a few gap years and worked instead while i figured out what i wanted to do.” that is — if they even ask! most of the times, people don’t. you’re just going to be ella from class in their head. nick, this man from my writing class, was 36, and he was nick from writing class in my head all semester (until he read out some really misogynistic work he wrote that he praised as real literature and also rewrote the work of other students, then he was just nick the arrogant asshole.)

find your schedule. you unfortunately asked the loser for advice, so i’m going to address school first. i know that can definitely be a source of anxiety - either the desire to do it perfectly or just from the overwhelming sense of having an average of four or five class loads dropped onto your lap at once. i will say that the first thing i learned about college was that i had more free time than i ever conceptualized having. i also did not work a job. but even my friends who did — always had several hours of homework/tv/what have you time per night. the monday/wednesday, tuesday/thursday set up of each class is very helpful, i found! in between those class blocks — use it to eat and study. like, please. this might’ve just been what worked for me, but when i used the several 5-6 hours during daylight between clases + before dinner to exclusively work (i rarely even had working lunches), i was always able to have my work done before dinner and therefore take so much stress off my shoulders when i knew i’d have all night to unwind. doing that homework in general is just a great way to take off needless anxiety. it’s the only way i ever felt okay to walk into class unless i had something figured out with my professor.

other miscellaneous homework tips are to: (1) do the readings at first and keep doing them unless you get to class and realize they really don’t matter and won’t be showing up at any other point to bite you in the ass. most of the time, they do matter and are necessities for those who want As. (2) stay organized. find a rhythm. take notes by hand for better retention and use them to create study materials later (rewriting flash cards or rewriting quizlets were what helped me. rewriting in general.) (3) do not force yourself to stay up to an ungodly hour to study or do something (unless this really does work for you) because the chances are that your retention rate will be obliterated or the dip in quality will be noticeable. just get up early the next morning. (4) if you’re worried about missing out on socializing because you’re always holed up & working — offer to do homework with somebody else. my roommates and i would have “homework parties” where nobody talks/everybody has headphones in, but just being in the same vicinity was a motivator/a good way to not feel isolated. either that or just go sit at a library or in a cafe so you feel surrounded by people; the library was my personal go-to. i lived there my last semester on campus! #lawclasses

interact with your professors! it will only benefit you as a student. shoot them emails when you have questions or stay behind after class, introduce yourself, and ask your questions in person. going to office hours or basically doing anything to establish yourself beyond a name on a roll sheet and a vague figment at a desk is a great look in their eyes. it will make them friendlier, more likely to give you assistance or cool extra materials, or even much more sympathetic in times of need (like when you’re struggling with due dates or toward the end of the semester.) literally every professor will tell you their least fave student is the silent and absent one who shows up four days before the end and goes: please, mrs. so and so, can you turn my D- to an A :)? no! all my professors that i worked closely with, either through frequent communication or just through writing projects are the ones that live with me. my last writing professor and i got along so well that they invited me to work on their book with them. it never came to fruition because both of our schedules fell through, but just the idea of being asked was really special to me and it was only because i made the effort to make myself a real person in their eyes. sorry for all the personal anecdotes btw, it’s the only way i know how to relate.

GPA, at the end of the day, is not the end all be all. you do not need a 4.0. it’s a very good thing to have, but you don’t need it and you won’t be left out of future employment if you don’t have it. just do your best. a B in that really hard class is an A in a blow-off class. if you do all that you can do & take advantage of all of your study materials + do all the work, you’ve done the best you can as a student. the world will keep turning if you don’t get a perfect mark, and i like to think it turns smoother when you can reassure yourself you’ve done your best.

know when to take a break. burnout is real. it’s so real. my sister just experienced it so bad because she was working at her interior design coursework for like 14 hours a day, 7 days a week (she’s a perfectionist to a fault). don’t do that. don’t neglect copious amounts of sleep, or food, or hygiene routines, or social hours, or brain-numbing time because all of that is as useful and important as time devoted to studying. it’s the only way to guarantee that you will survive long enough to continue studying! just save a certain amount of time per day for yourself and your interests and your mind just for your mental health.

if attendance isn’t mandatory and your mental health needs it, it’s okay to skip a class here and there. it’s always best to do this strategically - when you know you won’t be missing anything or if you have access to whatever materials you missed, either through the class site or a friend — but sometimes those days off are the only way to recharge. i would sometimes skip my classes without mandatory attendance to just work in advance on those very classes. if you have a better way to devote your time (genuinely better) and won’t get knocked for it, it’s not the end of the world to miss the class. i didn’t embrace this until my very last semester on campus, always way too anxious to miss.

this is all that i can think of off the top of my head. please let me know if there’s something you’d like me to hone in on, but this kinda covered all the getting started bases!! i know you will do great and that you will find your niche and your schedule, but if you ever need me for anything, you know where to find me!! another thing that got me through college, perhaps the only thing that did so mostly happily, was tumblr!! it’s why i never felt lonely! 🩷

remember, life exists outside of academics! you are worth so much more than a letter grade or a number <3 what matters to employers is you got the degree!

Something I hope a lot of younger people figure out—and even people my age or older, if they’re willing—is that, if you try hard enough, you can make just about anything sound problematic.

This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t try to point out problematic elements in media or speak to injustices in the world around us; it’s just important to evaluate the intentions of the person speaking, and take note when they make leaps in logic.

The illuminaughtii situation is a prime example of this. On the surface, Blair seemed like a passionate advocate for social justice who called out oppressive behavior and lifted up those who are often overlooked. When it was revealed that she was harassing people, making side accounts to sabotage the success of her former friends, and mistreating the people who volunteered to help her grow her channel and community (to the extent of calling one of them a P-file defender because he was asleep at 3:00 AM in his time zone and didn’t ban a creeper in her Discord right away,) what did she do? She released a disingenuous apology video where she leveraged progressive rhetoric to save face, and ultimately showed how little she cared about the values she espoused.

This isn’t meant to be an illuminaughtii callout post—MANY people have covered this story already—but I bring it up to illustrate that anything can be painted with a problematic brush. The only reason Blair’s damage control failed was because all of the evidence against her had already been made public. If she had gone on the attack preemptively and had more time to plan her phrasing? This might have been a different story.

Rhetoric is morally agnostic. If the truth about a subject couldn’t be obscured by phrasing or rhetorical tactics, then debates wouldn’t exist. You see this on conservative outlets all the time: rather than presenting something honestly, they present a biased view of the issue and go on the defensive, painting progressive issues as the destruction of what is normal and acceptable. If they get called out for this, the outlets can point to people’s valid anger and paint them as being aggressive and intolerant of conservative views.

But that’s just conservatives, right? No, unfortunately.

It’s a tough pill to swallow, but you actually see something similar among progressives, especially when infighting is involved. The difference is that when progressives do this, we wrap our anger in the language of social justice to make it more palatable to the peers we’re trying to sway. And the worst part is, you can do this VERY easily. Here’s an example:

Someone on Tumblr makes me mad. I want to take them down, but their blog doesn’t have any outright bigoted posts on it. It does, however, contain a few reblogs of K-pop idol photos. (I apologize for using this as an example, K-pop fans; I don’t actually think you’re bad people!)

In this hypothetical example, I don’t actually care whether somebody likes K-pop. I rarely think about it, and I’ve never gone after someone for enjoying it before. But since I have nothing else to go on, and I REALLY want to get back at this person who made me mad, I decide to be selectively angry about K-pop for this occasion. Now it’s time to write a callout.

Everything we consume media-wise is tied to an industry, so I start with the industry. Then, I think about the fans. Fans support the music industry, so if I can find something bad about the industry, I can use the consumption of K-pop to make a moral statement about the fans. Finish it with a pointed, sensationalized accusation against the person I dislike, and I just managed to make them look bad despite having done nothing wrong.

Don’t believe me? Here’s the callout:

“Just came here to point out that OP supports the exploitation of young people and continues to support K-pop, even though they know FULL WELL that the K-pop industry forces their idols to work themselves to the bone and starve themselves to fit a misogynistic Western beauty standard that affects MILLION of young Koreans every year.

If you want us to take you seriously, then maybe consider being less of an exploitative shitbag next time 😒”

And just like that, I’ve taken the person’s casual hobby and turned it into a damning attack on their character. The worst part? I barely know anything about K-pop! All I had was some passing knowledge of the industry’s controversial practices I heard about years ago. Has it gotten better? Is it justifiable to project the injustices of the industry onto a single person? It doesn’t matter. I just want the satisfaction of tearing them down; and since I went on the attack, I can now spin anything they say in response in my favor.

You can do this with anything you want. Video games? Talk about dev crunch time. Food? Talk about the low pay, hard labor, and the mental health crisis among chefs. Makeup? Talk about corrupt influencers and animal testing. Art? Find any flaw or oversight in the design and tie that to a prejudice. Fitness? Politics? Way too many angles to even list.

When people take these faux progressive angles to tear others down, they can easily convince themselves they’re in the right. They can even rewrite their motivations so that it was always really about the injustice, not their own personal annoyance.

So when I say to watch out for intent and leaps in logic, this is what I mean. Knowing about social justice is a great way to edify yourself and help those who are marginalized, but it can also be a weapon if you choose to use it as such. This technique is the tactical basis for covert narcissism, and it can infect the most well-meaning of us too.

So please, watch out. Try to read between the lines and ask yourself if someone is truly making an empathetic argument, because disingenuous rhetoric is truly powerful.