For once i want to be a person that isn't so easily replaced. I wanna be someone's favorite person, someone's priority like they're my priority. I wanna be the person that someone is scared of losing..

In my head, I still have new conversations with you. In my head , I change some conversations we've had. In my head, that's the only place I can find what we've lost. In my head, that's the only place I can fix what's broken. In my head, that's where I'll find my closure. In my head, that's where I'll have to leave you like you left me. So I can go on living life like you went on living without me.

Soul tie is a real thing... and it can be your worst nightmare

Keep busy and you’ll find yourself not even thinking of them. It will get better. Gradually they’ll be nothing but a distant memory. It’s progress.

.

.

my roommate

sometimes,

late at night

in the depths of my dark room

i turn over

and expect to see you there.

laying there.

nose to nose with me

your brown eyes staring deep into mine.

breath intertwining,

your chapped lips grazing my own.

but,

my room is different now.

i now have a TV that sits on my dresser

and a lamp on my nightstand

to keep the monsters away.

you see,

there are places that you have no longer touched,

places where your presence doesn’t even begin to linger.

all except my bed.

although i have new sheets,

and a brand new bedspread,

i can occasionally still feel you there.

i imagine i can still smell the lingering of your scent,

damp hair from the shower of earlier that day.

all in the place where we spent our time the most

the place where our bodies became one.

so much time has passed,

so much has changed,

yet i have to ask:

when will the day arrive that you finally leave my room?

I think it has been hard to let go of the idea of the person that I’m still not over (heavy sigh) because they were core to me developing and rediscovering my sense of self.

It’s not like they helped me directly or it wasn’t even that intention.

They validated me by just being themselves.

That validation brought such a light in my life, and I felt embarrassed that it was through a situationship I was initially in just for stress relief and fun. I was so embarrassed. I was embarrassed I developed extremely strong feelings.

They didn’t do the legwork for many of the things I had to do: break up with people in my life, write more again, finding a new therapist, taking myself more seriously, finding myself pretty again, embracing my trans journey, etc.

But that validation - that spark - was so crucial.

… and I don’t think I was thankful enough for it all. I acted poorly and I don’t have that connection anymore. And now I’m left with trying to get over them, which I should be able to do hypothetically… but I still think about how respected I felt for just being me.

Dealing with a breakup and those bottled up emotions.

when you break up with someone, everyone talks about how we should move on, get a life, be better, improve ourselves, get a new hobby etc., but nobody talks about the fact that how hard it is to move on, to live without someone who meant the world to you, to live without someone whom you planned your whole future with. to be honest; yes it is right that we should move on, but what about the struggles ?? the loneliness that comes within, what about them ? what about checking phones every time we have a notification hoping that it's a text from them ? what about the fear and anxiety of being abandoned by your favorite person ? nobody talks about that.

everyone says it's normal to feel like this and all; i agree, but why can't we talk about those feelings with our loved ones ? why do we never confront our actual feelings ? because they blame us, they make us shut up, they say it's a waste of time thinking about them blah blah. but they also expect us to move on, tell me how ? they don't even let you vent and say things like "why can't you just find someone"; literally it's not easy, they'll understand when they'll be in our place.

but those people who have been through this stage, why can't they understand ? it's important to vent, it's important to write down everything to make your chest feel light, it's important to let these emotions out. often people tend to bottle up these feelings until they can't and when they vent, they get the worst possible breakdown; this breakdown does make you feel better but at the same time we become really weak in our own eyes.

we humans can give love to others but can't love ourselves the same way and it's the most important key to move on and get over someone. we become so attached to people that when they leave, we take our lives, we think everything has come to an end. but the truth is, the love we were seeking from them is the love we can give ourselves without begging.

we have to learn how to get over a situation, and the first step is to vent about it. letting out all our emotions. taking time to gather our pieces. it's important for us to take care of our own. so guys please, it is hard and fragile time for u, and be careful with yourself as much as you can.

here this random stranger will always be proud of you for trying your best and giving your best despite fighting all those demons inside your head. i'll always be here to support you <3

here's a hug to make you feel better🥹🫂

Don’t mind me, I’m just realizing I never got over an ex I had in middle school that felt super embarrassed around me because of how I am as a person and didn’t treat me the best and it has subtly been influencing me for the past eight to nine years.

What do I even do?

And when it hits you in waves just remember, every time you go a few more minutes without crying, you’re taking another step towards healing.

Even if you called 6 months later, at 3am...

I'd still answer. I'll always care.

Because I don't hate you, I could never.

I just hate what you did to me.

Tear stains on my hardwood floor Covered up with a piece of carpet Your shadow on my bedroom door It flew away, just like a rocket Ain't that bad getting over your goodbye And what's that say, boy It's my party and I don't have to cry And I'm okay that... You, you left me so low And I, I couldn't let go But yeah, I'm beating that heart attack Don't have to worry about where you at Cuz, no, I don't even want you back I used to care but now I'm cool with it Cool with it, cool with it I used to care but now I'm cool with it Cool with it, cool with it Used to sleep with the TV on Just to hear somebody talking Now I dream with the world turned off I ain't waiting for nobody to call and... Ain't that bad getting over your goodbye And what's that say, boy It's my party and I don't have to cry And I'm okay that... You, you left me so low And I, I couldn't let go But yeah, I'm beating that heart attack Don't have to worry about where you at Cuz, no, don't even want you back I used to care but now I'm cool with it Cool with it, cool with it I used to care but now I'm cool with it Cool with it, cool with it I've been down but now I'm on my way up I've been down but now I'm on my way up I've been down but now I'm on my way up My way up, my way up You, you left me so low And I, I couldn't let go But yeah, I'm beating that heart attack Don't have to worry about where you at Cuz, no, don't even want you back I used to care but now I'm cool with it Cool with it, cool with it I used to care but now I'm cool with it Cool with it, cool with it I used to care but now I'm cool with it Cool with it, cool with it I used to care but now I'm cool with it Cool with it, cool with it

♡ "getting over him" affirmations ♡

I am over him.

His absence means nothing to me anymore.

I do not care about him anymore.

I am healing each second and every breath I take.

I am moving on.

I am embracing the new version of me.

I am beginning a new chapter of my life without him with ease.

I am better off without him.

I am not attracted by him.

I am finally over him.

I am loving myself more and more.

I know my worth.

I know that I deserve someone better.

I am focused on myself and my grades above anything else.

I'm doing my best to get over this girl I have a crush on but it so hard not only because I really like her but because I can put some distance between us because we're in the same friend group and have a class together

You are not coming back, are you?

It’s one of those things that’s so annoying for being true. But the thing that probably helps me the most with heartbreak, after I’ve spent some time sobbing my guts out and talking it through with empathetic friends, is getting the fuck to work on some thing I care about.

Every time I have a stray thought about the relationship that’s ending, there is a horrible clenching, yawning, grasping pit of panic and despair right behind the hollow where my rib cage meets. But tonight when that has happened, I feel instantly better when the following thought is that I am doing the work I want to be doing, and I am taking steps to move forward with the life I want to have. Not all the way better by any means. There is no instant cure. But when someone else devalues you, what better thing to do than to value yourself? To show yourself that you are worth the effort of your dreams. That while this person may have left you, you will never abandon yourself again. You will answer that callous disrespect and dismissal by showing up for yourself and believing in yourself all the more.

And if you have a petty little fantasy about succeeding in that work so that they have to watch from the sidelines while all your dreams come true, well... I say spite is as good a motivator as any. It’s not the fuel I’d want to run on forever but it’s a damned good spark to get that engine going.

I love you. You’ve got this. You deserve it.

how unfair i have to hate everything that reminds me of you

how cruel you taught me i couldnt eat gluten

how unforgiving i cannot eat without being reminded of you