#fuck im so sorry to anyone who has to scroll through all this shit but i Needed to type this all out im sorry
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Baby WELCOME HOME you're so good
I have a request but if you don't like it please feel free to refuse it 🙏
All bratty switchy pretty han and felix + fem reader
Got their dirty mouths you know
Whatever on your mind about the for real I'll it eat up
OH MY GOD THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST 😭 my mind has literally been empty
MDNI 18+ || SMUT
warnings: profanity use, hair pulling, switch!reader leaning towards dom in this fic, brat taming, poly, switch!han, sub!felix, f!reader
a/n: IM SORRY ANON i just did sub!lix 😭 i cant come up with any ideas for switch lix /IM SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG 😭😭
The loud sound of a door slamming resonated through the bedroom, causing the poor boy laying on the bed to jump towards the nearby couch, startled by the sudden commotion. felix, who had been scrolling peacefully on his phone moments ago, watched as you barged into the room, han's wrist in your tight grasp. a shit-eating smirk donned han's face, raising the temperature of your already boiling blood.
a shiver ran through felix as he looked at you, your eyes piercing him with ice that seemed to increasingly solidify with each passing second.
well, whose fault was it that your two boyfriends decided to be a big fucking bitch on your one day off? the one day you could finally get some rest and watch some shows was disturbed by the infuriating boys, whether it was waking you up incredibly early pestering you for attention, clinging to you while you tried to cook a nice lunch, or teasingly moaning into your ear as you were gaming. when han had jokingly made a comment about how cold you were being today after felix left the room, your last string snapped.
you pushed han on the bed, mattress sinking under the pressure of both your weights. within a second, you felt hands around your waist, and suddenly your earlier position was now taken by the boy who was just under you a few moments ago. still in a stunned state, you felt his lips come in contact with your neck, sucking and biting.
a particularly harsh sting on your collarbone snapped you out of your daze, whipping han's body around. His eyes glared at your matching pair, silently battling for control. felix watched from the corner, nervously gulping when he came to the realization that you would be harsher with him, because he had took the initiative and definitely badgered you more than han.
as if reading his mind, your eyes slowly traveled to felix. the boy looked hurriedly, irritating you further. "baby," you cooed, honey dripping from your voice, "where did all that confidence from earlier go?" No reply. he swallowed, the slight movement of his adam's apple evident.
you glowered at han, then advanced towards felix, but not without sucking a mark into han's neck. the unexpected action caused the boy to let out a sharp gasp, body jolting. his mouth parted, as if to say something to your retreating figure, but rolled his eyes at you instead as you turned back to scowl at him. "I knew you don't have what it takes," he mockingly called out after you. Oh you would kill him for that later, but right now you needed to deal with your other boyfriend.
focusing your attention on felix, you could plainly see his growing erection. "i didn't even do anything yet," you raise an eyebrow. The flustered boy in front of you let out a series of stutters, trying to cover himself up, shying away from your gaze when he grasped the fact that he couldn't.
He seemed to regain some of his brattish personality, cocking his head to the side to look at you, "sure, but no one touched you either," he stated casually, eyeing your slightly stained shorts. A bitter laugh escaped your lips, before narrowing your eyes at him. Fingers abruptly flew to his soft blue locks, tugging back on them. his head fell back, landing on your shoulder. a soft moan flew out his pretty lips, music to anyone's ears. not that they could ever hear him making that sound.
releasing his now-messy hair, you led him to the bed, sharing kisses along the way. your lips trailed down his neck, marking your way further down.
a whine coming from beside you halted your actions, as you glanced to the side to see a pouty han, dissatisfaction plainly displayed on his face. "didn't he already get enough attention?" he grumbled, looking over at a dazed felix. han stared at you, deep chocolaty eyes blown wide with lust, and slightly wet hair from showering earlier curled a bit at the ends. you ignored him, setting your focus back on felix, hoping that han didn't notice the effect he had just made on you.
as your lips trailed down to felix's abdomen, the feeling of your undergarments being discarded caused you to swiftly whip your head around to stare at the boy responsible for it. "what?" han snickered, "i'm just helping."
he began making advances to strip, yelping as you stopped him with a harsh pull. He was now closer to you and felix, close enough for you to touch both of them. the feeling of felix rubbing against you snapped you out of your hazy state as you laid a hand down firmly on his toned body, pressing him down enough to stop his movements. a loud whine came from below you, and you looked down to see felix gazing at you, doe eyes wide. "move already," he complained, once again attempting to rut his hips up. lips tugging into a frown, dissatisfaction was clearly displayed on your face. your hips for started to roll, dragging a deep groan out from felix. "keep being a bitch and i'll stop moving," you scoffed. you wouldn't. "i won't!" the response was instantaneous, "i'll be good!" Once you got the response you wanted to hear, your eyes met han's, silently clashing for power. his soft lips suddenly met yours, catching you off guard. your hand shot up, coming in contact with his jaw. startled, han's lips parted, allowing you to slide your tongue in.
BYE IM SORRY I HAVE TO CUT THIS OFF BUT LESS THAN A WEEK INTO THIS BLOG AND I ALREADY GOT WRITERS BLOCK😭 ill finish it in the future maybe? shjdsbs id just feel bad if i never answered this requesf so have this for now 🫶🫶
#skz smut#stray kids smut#felix smut#han smut#sub!felix#switch!han#skz hard thoughts#skz hard hours#stray kids hard thoughts#stray kids imagines#stray kids hard hours#skz imagines#jilix smut#lee felix smut#han jisung smut#sub!lee felix#felix hard thoughts#felix imagines#han hard thoughts#han hard hours#han imagines#han jisung#lee felix#lee felix x reader#felix x reader#han x reader#jisung x reader#han jisung x reader#jisung smut#sub!skz
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okay. this fucking picture made me so mad i went on a 15 minute rant to my sister while she was trying to read her book.
so ive been looking at a lot of pictures of posts on pinterest because thats just where i spend most of my time. most of these posts are on the topic of adhd. ive never been properly diagnosed, but reading through these posts has made me feel so welcomed and understood (more than my parents have made me feel, pretending that this is "all just a phase that ill get over soon because pretending to have adhd is just the thing right now") that i realized ON MY OWN that "hey maybe i do have adhd." well.
i found this post while scrolling through pinterest, and it really sparked my anger.
i have a friend who was diagnosed with add before it was considered an "outdated" term and scrapped because apparently ALL FUCKING FORMS OF NEURODIVERGENCY THAT ARENT AUTISM ARE JUST "ADHD".
i read this post and it was what sparked my anger and my 15 minute rant to my sister. people who get degrees in this stuff, or counselors at schools, never really know what youre going through. all they know is that youre having some problems and they need to be solved.
which brings me back to this picture. if you look up "is add still a thing" on google, this is the first picture to pop up. and just seeing the visual aids they put with it makes me furious enough to throw something or someone out a fifth story window. the little girl is fucking SMILING while thinking about the most common shit people think us neurodivergent folks think when distracted. first off, no. false. we dont just think of video games and candy. we think of the randomest shit possible, like how long can i sit here without blinking or what kind of funny shit can i draw on this one sheet of paper.
and ALSO.
you cant just categorize adhd as TWO SEPARATE THINGS and call it good. we dont fit under two umbrellas. theres too many of us. we each have our own figurative umbrellas that only we ourselves can fit under, no one else. thats the problem with neurotypicals. they fit the typical stereotype for humans: we try to understand everything by putting it in a box. those lists of "symptoms"? i match every single one. on both sides. so ha. take that SCIENTISTS. what am i? some kind of freak of nature because i dont fit under just ONE of your precious categories?
i also looked up what "inattentive" means and it made me angrier. according to oxford languages, "inattentive" means "not paying attention to something", which doesnt seem too bad, right? it fits some people perfectly with their symptoms, right? but its not the definition that bugs me. its the example sentence thats used. "a particularly dull and inattentive student". basically saying that if you dont pay attention well to something, youre dull and boring.
im sorry, what? sometimes i have trouble paying attention, sure, but you ask any of my friends and they can agree i am NOT boring in any way, shape, or form. non of them would describe me as "dull". inattentive? sure, but not dull. so to call it "inattentive" adhd, instead of just add, is stupid! my friend with ADD (not fucking adhd, stupid scientists) is one of the funniest, most entertaining people ive ever met. shes an incredible artist, super smart, and knows how to make anyone laugh. does that sound dull to you? does she have problems focusing sometimes? yes. does she struggle with doing something sometimes? yes. but dont the rest of us?
my point is, when i see things like this, it pisses me off. like, unless all of the scientists who agreed "add" is an outdated term have it themselves, i refuse to believe its outdated and i will continue to say that my friend has it. she was literally diagnosed by the doctor telling her "you have attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder without the hyperactivity." THATS JUST FUCKING ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER YOU DUMBASS!!!
anyway, i hope im not the only one who feels this way. i just felt it necessary to get this out there. maybe someday, people wont be so dumb and single minded. in my opinion, neurodivergent people are superior in intellect and creativity, but i guess until someone like that takes over the world and dropkicks neurotypicals into the stratosphere, we'll never know.
#adhd stuff#undiagnosed adhd#living with adhd#neurodivergence#neurodivergent#add#its called add not adhd#you dumbasses#scientists are stupid sometimes#make that all the time
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Hey, Asher. This is degenerate anon once again. Sorry for swarming your inbox with my asks 😭
I noticed you haven't been doing so well (because I may or may not be stalking your tags), and I just wanted to double-check, hope you're doing well. You're a pretty cool person and I'm kinda worried about your state
Please, don't overwork yourself, whether it goes down to answering asks or other things like work or studies. We can wait as long as we have to for the first case, and you're a human too. What you do already is far more than enough
I also just wanna remind you that you're awesome, and if anybody says otherwise, I'll punt them to the moon. I would have offered my inbox too, but I said some very embarrassing shit, there is absolutely no way I'm getting off anon, so all I can say is that I'll always be here for you, presence-wise. Eat and rest well today, you deserve a break (˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡)
- Whitney's left tit- whoops, I meant...
Degenerate anon :)
Lmfaooooo what. nah.
heavy vent. scroll past. thanks. →
Really, the last thing I really wanted when I made those posts was to worry anyone, not that I think I would but now I’m seeing a bunch of people suddenly reaching out to me and asking if I’m okay. I appreciate it a lot, really I do and you too, degenerate anon, for even bothering to ask when you could’ve scrolled past or played off those tags as shits n giggles since that’s what it sort of was in my head anyway. I wasn’t exactly in the best of states when I wrote those. Sometimes, rarely so, it gets so bad that I’m acting on impulse, sputtering out bullshit about wanting to end it right then and there, that it’d be better this way if I was never born at all. Its fucking hysterical how I play it off right after as if I didn’t just casually mention it a bit ago because truth is, I’m not okay yet I don’t want to reach out to anyone either in fear of being a bother and the vulnerability that comes with it. This whole persona of being obscenely horny for entertainment, unserious just for it to be a coping mechanism.
Not exactly sure why I’m laying it out all on you when you didn’t even ask for it, it’s selfish to do so but your ask just really made the words scramble and be put together in my brain as though I finally had the opportunity to answer the why to my question. Why the fuck am I like this. Why the fuck am I plagued with this utter crap of dealing with whatever the fuck this is. I don’t know what it really is, some have told me it’s depression and I’m simply in denial about it. Maybe I am. I’ve been through worse than this, especially in the lockdown though this somehow feels worser for no reason. I’m supposed to have gotten my shit together by then, moved out, new life, new place to settle in, new people, people who are actually kind and welcoming, regularly work out and whatnot.
I still feel like utter shit. I still feel like I’m not doing enough. To be honest, life is moving way too fucking fast for me, one day I’m still a young kid who’s spending his time all day at the park and the next I’m supposed to be a grown adult who’s got all his shit together by then, who has responsibilities, responsibilities that cannot be ignored nor pushed away no matter how much I try to run away from my problems. I know that it’s not that hard, at least, not compared to other people I’ve seen who have it so much harder and still manage through it all while I’m barely hanging on by a thread. It’s so pathetic, god. I need a shitty fictional character from a porn game to even cope about it but even then, there’s so much I can think about before reality hits me once more and I’m left to deal with my thoughts alone in the dark while my roommate is dozing away in the next room.
I hate it so much, I feel as though im not good enough no matter what I do, no matter what I try is simply not enough to measure to other people’s expectations or mines either, not that I think of myself much to begin with. Even when people tell me that what I do is good, wether it be art, writing, who I am as a whole, that they enjoy talking to me because I am who I am, reassured on my appearance too because no matter how many compliments I get I still feel like a monster hiding beneath a layer of flesh moulded to look like that of a human. I feel displaced. I feel as though I don’t belong. It’s not there’s nothing in the world for me, it’s simply I’m nothing for the world itself.
I’m a burden. It’s as simple as that, the amount of guilt that I feel when people express affection towards me, wether it be friends, family members, hell even romantic partners which I may or may not have rejected all from the horror of intimacy. Whenever they tell me they love me to my face, that they worry for me whenever I’m in a bad state, I can’t help the pit that fills my stomach nor the lump in my throat because I truly am undeserving of this fucking love. Give it someone else, please. Anyone but me because they need it more than I do, than whatever the fuck of a shitty person that I am.
I have it bad, so fucking bad that when someone hugged me today, I was practically burying my face in their shoulder and clinging onto dear life because by god, this is the only time I’ll ever allow myself such contact every time I push it away. Nearly burst into tears like a moron too even if I rarely do ever cry since it’s been ingrained in my head to never cry, boys don’t cry, he says, only sissies do and the last thing I wanna be is a pussy. Cried in front of him once as a kid and he told me to get my shit together and suck it up unless I wanna be beaten up in the adult world. So bad that someone actually caught me crying once and I quickly played it off as physical pain (recurring stomach ache) hurting me so bad that tears were spilling, frantically reassuring them that I’m good. Sometimes I do wonder, why i am the one to reassure others.
I know that if I actually reached out to the people that have offered, sought a therapist like a few people have recommended to, it would possibly get better or maybe not. It would probably do more good and I’d be able to sort through these feelings for sure but I won’t. I fucking won’t. I’ve gotten used to bottling up these feelings. Fuck, I’ve repressed them from years and it seems they’re finally spilling in this overly long ass post that no one will bother reading. That’s fine with me because I really need to say it out loud for once even if it’s written through text on a fucking platform called Tumblr where cock is more prevalent than someone’s fucking life.
I’m not okay. That’s the thing. I’m not fucking okay. I wish I could play it off as I usually do whenever people ask me such questions like “how are you” irl. I wish I could say it out loud, say it to their faces, say what I really am. I’m not okay. I’m not fucking okay and I don’t think I’ll be okay soon either because I’ve not fucking okay for so long that it’s getting to me. I’m not okay. I’m miserable actually, I’m so fucking miserable that I wish I could just sleep forever and never wake up again. I’m so fucking miserable that there’s not a day that goes by where there’s this fleeting thought in the back of my mind that wonders, wonders how better it’d be if I were to disappear altogether, stop being a burden to those around me. I’m so fucking miserable that I didn’t even bother answering your well-intentioned question and instead am laying myself bare to the world on a shitty tumblr post. I’m so fucking miserable that I had to pause as I type this because it’s as though I’m finally admitting the obvious truth that I’ve been unwilling to say. I’m so fucking miserable that I just wish I could curl up into a ball and freely cry into someone’s lap, I wish I could fucking yell it even.
I’m not okay. I’m not fucking okay. No matter how much I say it in these written words it doesn’t seem to equal to the amount of times I had to muffle myself, clasp a hand over my mouth in the darkness of my room as a teenager so that my noisy parents don’t overhear my cries. I’m not fucking okay because even when I tell myself as an adult now, that I’m over it, I’m not. I’ve been going through it for so very long, willingly choosing to suffer in silence because it’s the easiest for me even if it will ruin me in the end. It’s already ruining me and eating me from the inside. I’d rather dump all of this crap on here than even say it to the people who’re close to me, asking about it.
I’m burnt out, I’m tired. I wish to rest but I can’t.
Because I think I’m fucking a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve such.
I hope you’re doing better than me, degenerate anon. Sincerely so, you deserve it and thanks for even asking again despite the few interactions we’ve had through asks. You’re my favorite anon for sure.
But ahah, im doing fine lmfao.
#LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#lmfao#lol#XD even#I’m so silly#so fucking close to losing it#aren’t we all? lololololol#cringe#dumb post#mentions of wanting to fucking kill my self#oops i guess?#degenerate anon#asher in the flesh#delete this shit rn
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ON A DIFFERENT NOTE I WAS JUST POKING AROUND AND SAW THAT MOD PHIL LISTENS TO BUG HUNTER? man us philza kins all share a musical braincell i guess because holy fuck i don’t think i’ve ever run into anyone else who listens to his stuff! i’m gonna have to politely ask you to hand over more recommendations for music because you’ve got TASTE. -🌾🪶
ARNJS i am staring at you soo hard I know like two other bug hunter fans and theyre fans because I commandeered the music bot and insisted on playing all of his songs during a music vc night... Anyway we are slaying so hard rn. us phils just have the best music taste 😎
OKAY anyway this took forever cause I tried to narrow down my list but ajfanfdk I listen to a lot of stuff. god there's so much music i enjoy that I could go on forever about random songs and stuff so uh yeah... I banished my bs to under a cut for the sake of not making a post that is annoying to scroll past. enjoy whatevr i did -za
Mickey Darling!! RAHGjsA a lot of his songs are like about breakups but they're all very upbeat and fun despite the lyrics. Honestly its so funny to me I literally found him because of a fanfic that used lyrics from say that you miss me (which like god yeah the author got me... it was extremely right for the character they used it for i know cause they're literally me). you were perfect & im so sorry is vry good and also I've had somewhere else stuck in my head since it came out...
Jukebox the Ghost. okay okay they just never miss! i adore like everything they've made but uhmmm I think the cheers album is my favorite still right now like dont get me wrong i love everything they've made but ajldnf how can I not like cheers. Brass Band and I Got A Girl are so good. I will say uh shout out to It's No Secret cause its inspired several pieces of self indulgent ship art I've made.
Streetlight Manifesto... The Hands that Thieve got me out of one of my weirdest music eras. I mean it's ska punk it's not too far from the uh protest songs I was listening too, but ska was more palatable than most of the shit that I was really into for a bit. Anyway listen to If Only For Memories too its good.
LyreLeTemps! god okay so i like electroswing a lot and ashutjak just fuck man Time Train is extremely mecore when it comes to a specific kin. A lot of the music i listen to gets shifted around depending to my shifts lol. Also listen to Nanana it's a close second for my favorite song by them other than Time Train
Groundbreaking, god i've listened to this guy for so long... I think all his music is great but the Anarchy I & II are my little guys I listen to them all the time still. They practically got me through quarantine... Uhm if I had to recommend a specific songs instead of just saying listen to the Anarchy Albums maybe VIP and Beautiful people. Those two were my favorites but jsut to get somthing from anarchy listed too uhm anarchy or media star
The Wrecks god another band I listened to a lot during quarantine... Fvck Somebody and Panic Vertigo are my #1s forever but I really like their new music too. Unrequited and Sonder came out at such a good time for me, unfortunately that means I have like four writings wips that have titles that are just the lyrics of those songs...
Air Traffic Controller is another band that made quarantine bearable for me god why have the last three just been quarantine time killers. Anyway I listen to Creature of the Night a lot because I love being thematic with my music when I pull all nighters. Uhhhh other than that Anybody got a light has quickly become one of my favorites from them too
Atarashii Gakko!! This is the only non english band I'm actively a fan of rn. My friends are like big into like Kpop and I'm more of a cpop or jpop guy but like even then I almost never find a band and get super invested. but raghg the choreography and vocals just everything really scratches my brain. I really like watching their dance practices idk its just so fascinating to me. uhm okay uh Fantastico and NAINAINAI yeah those i recommend them :]
AND because I cant help myself here's some things I wanted to talk about but uh 90% of it would just be me keyboard slamming cause I cannot articulate my enjoyment of them
Circa Waves: Your Ghost & Golden Days
Good Kid: Mimi's Delivery Service
Saint Motel: Sweet Talk & Slow Dance
Rare Americans: Walking N Talkin
Burn the Ballroom: Calm Down & Crazy
Bear Ghost: Haunt the Cartoon Heart & Sirens
Andie Schoen: the prophet (you love me) & loitering
The Happy Fits: In the Lobby & So Alright, Cool, Whatever
Hobo Johnson: Peach Scone & February 15th
#phil posts#sbi asks#🌾🪶 anon#thnk you for the opprotunity to say absolutely nothing about some of my favorite musicians <3#i mean i said things but like 99% of my recommendations are just me going: hmmm i like them :]
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cw / tw — syscourse implication, anon hate, swearing
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to shorten the post incase u dont wanna read all this -> i just don't care, bitchnonie... i just don't care.
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i told myself i wouldn't post anything at all today because of how severly unstable i am right now, however.
if you send anon hate, don't do it to me (or 2 anyone). you look silly in a pathetic way, not even in a wet pathetic cat way, you just look pathetic
If you scrolled through my mutuals account so damn much so you could just go and harass their friends, you're pathetic
if you constantly go onto their account just to send unnecessary hate, you're pathetic
if you willingly send them asks, screenshot their stuff, harass their friends, constantly sui bait them, you're pathetic
i think its getting painfully obvious on who REALLY needs help ( spoiler alert: its you )
and to answer your question, bitchnonie, im so chill when liking yan!mailman because i can relate to him in a way and he's just genuinely an interesting oc to me since all his information isn't just OUT there unlike animes, shows, games, etc where you can search their information up and get it all, 100 books and everything
I thought it was obvious by the account dni on this blog and my main; I'm not going to be mean to someone if they're something I don't like. i just genuinely wouldn't interact with them at all, unless they're genuinely harming people I'm not doing a thing. (sorry bud, but I'm not the fucking police)
just because I'm having a healthy friendship with someone who's in a group I don't particularly like doesn't mean you can be like how you were, you weirdo
you including 'little attention seeker' is like saying a person who has depression is just 'lazy' ... why do you think they have hpd in their bio.. what's not clicking?
please book a therapist session or you're going to the same mental hospital I've been in 3 times.
Your enemy, Maxwell Fox
p.s ... please shut the fuck up for me, you aren't getting an enemies 2 lovers thing ever from doing this type of shit. it's gong to be enemies 2 enemies for you bro. we aint being batman and joker.
#cw syscourse implication#cw anon hate#cw swearing#tw syscourse implication#tw anon hate#tw swearing#get out and get away from any of my or my mutuals blogs#im having an episode and you do this shit#yeah im fucking blaming you on something you didn't know
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i know that discourse thingy was some very ignorable shit, i think it normally would be but detox makes me stupid and moody so im gonna keep complaining (sorry)
but that particular thing of people just like assigning you a specific ideology and making assumptions about your beliefs based on that assignment that THEY made is so... why do we do that, and im clearly also guilty of it on some level considering i saw proship in that one persons bio and went oh that means they enjoy fiction that promotes harmful ideas (there is nuance to what proship can mean but generally i dont trust it bc i associate it with incest and pedophilia which i dont think are concepts one should be even exploring on a public space like the internet but im not against dark topics in fiction, explorative or otherwise)
like you wanna talk about food and animals with me, you assume im either a vegan or not a vegan, technically im not a vegan. technically im a weirdo whos very into the demystification of death in general (i could also go on about our obsession with corpse preservation/decay avoidance and how i think its bad and wrong) im a zoologist, i like hunting and fishing but not for sport, i dont eat beef as a choice (for multiple reasons i dont care to explain right now but none of them involve my feelings about the cow itself)
like truly we do not know each other why would you or i or anyone else be confident enough to make a debate out of any stray perspective you find. thats generally how i like to be on the internet is like, im just out here saying shit i dont expect anyone to respond, youre not invited to either. im not familiar with all the ways tumblr has changed in the past couple years but i swear people did not used to be able to find your posts if you did not tag them, but i guess its good that you can turn off reblogs now. like i know its on me to take some responsibility and make sure my void is really a void but i also dont feel like shit i post has ever screamed HEY YOU THERE SCROLLING THROUGH A TAG I DIDNT ACTUALLY ADD, IM TALKING TO YOU SPECIFICALLY, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ALL THIS
and no one has any way of knowing this because how could you but its not based on my assumptions about you but i hate strangers, so fucking much. theres not much that makes my blood boil more than someone talking to me when i have 0 familiarity with them, unless i asked for it i guess. like im an artist i have to grapple with that sometimes. if were not mutuals or ive never seen your name before im NEVER talking to you and i despise you for trying. it doesnt matter because its impossible to know this beforehand, but its still the case anyway.
okay my drowsey medicine kick't in hmmm maybe i get to takes a nap at 7 in the morning teehee
#im gonna try not to make too many posts#i took some nausea medicine so when that kicks in ill probably relax
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i just saw a post about symptoms of childhood depression and idk if ive ever talked about this here but
every time i try to think about how my depression developed when i was a child i am BLOWN AWAY by the fact that i was Very Severely suicidal as young as 7 or 8 years old
like i have very distinct memories partly because it happened during my first road trip with my family. i distinctly remember just desperately wanting to jump out of our hotel room window and we were a good few stories up so i didnt have any doubt it would kill me and i didnt even think of why i would want to do it or that it was such a serious thing to want to kill myself bc idk if i even knew what suicide was at that age
and around age ten i was on another trip with my mom and brother and it was a ton of fun! we went to a family reunion which i always enjoyed and it was in a totally different climate zone which was super cool to experience for the first time and my mom got me pokemon diamond so i would have something to do and i loved that game so so much
but on a cable car ride the park ranger or tour guide or whatever her position was mentioned that it would take seven seconds to fall from the height of our cable car onto the face of the mountain and all i could think of was how much i wanted to pry the doors open and jump and count those seven seconds and how disappointing it was that the car was full of people and someone would stop me if i tried
and then we went on a hike and i kept looking for any slope that would be sheer and tall enough to kill me if i fell but luckily we were on the safest most beginner/child friendly trail
and earlier that year i was going through a really stressful time in school and i frequently imagined ways that i could fall on our sharpest kitchen knife so it would kill me as quickly and painlessly as possible, or how to drown myself by looping a belt through the grate of the drain at the bottom of our swimming pool, or how to poison myself but i didnt think too hard about that one because i had a tendency to throw up a lot as a kid and i wanted the most surefire way
and at age twelve my best friend was also depressed and suicidal and she told me about how she wanted to poison herself or kill herself in other ways i cant remember bc its been a decade, but i decided that if she wanted to die too then i should try and i think it was before the pass out challenge but i remember hearing a news story about a child strangling himself to death playing a game or something so i actually tried to strangle myself and i could have fucking done it but i stopped bc i got a little freaked out by my neck going numb and seeing spots of light so i put the belt i was using away and just went to bed lol
and in the morning i messaged my friend about it and she was actually kind of freaked out i think. i remember seeing the little red spots from blood vessels bursting in my eyes and i was lucky i didnt bruise bc while i never really realized just how fucked up and abnormal being suicidal was (at any age, let alone 7-12), i also never told anyone about it except my friend
and interestingly enough around that time one of my teachers mentioned to my mom that i seemed depressed and recommended that i see a professional about it but my mom asked me if i was depressed and wanted to talk to someone and of course i said no because i was a shy kid and also never really knew there was actually something very seriously wrong with me... she chalked it up to my grandma (who i kind of hated and didnt miss at all, lol) dying a few months earlier and we all just kind of forgot about that
and funny enough, after my suicide attempt i didnt contemplate suicide again for several years - i might have been sixteen or seventeen the next time i even thought about dying like that. of course, starting in the tenth grade (age uhh... 15-16?) i had my first Springtime Major Depressive Episode, which made me lose any and all interest in school starting some time after spring break and before finals, and this happened ever year up until 2016, when i had my worst one yet and failed all my classes bc i didnt go to half of them, didnt do half my homework, and stopped studying altogether while also becoming completely obsessed with dead animals and constantly dissociating so badly i was almost convinced i had DID (and i still have posts on this blog talking about having alters and all that shit bc digging them all up to delete them is too much work and i might want to read back through all that mess if i ever have to go through such a severe episode again (knock on wood) ). and like, it was so bad i actually told my mom i was having a rough time for the first time ever, and she gave me her prozacs bc she didnt actually take them anymore (they didnt work on me, unfortunately). the summer following all that was marked by fits of anxiety and rage bc i had family visiting for a few weeks and it was too stressful for my poor half-melted brain but i managed to get through all that and the depressive episode ended and i actually got my act together after that and haven’t failed a class since and ive only skipped like 1-2 times per semester since then and i was sooo proud of how well i did and 2017 i didnt have my big springtime mde
but now i feel like im slipping again and i dont know if i can handle disappointing myself like that again. i was actually considering dropping out for a while because im not going to graduate in a clean four years, some people i graduated high school with have already gotten their degrees and started their careers, and im also just fucking tired of being in school. but my advisor told me im on track to graduate next fall and that made me feel so much better
but then i realized i cant focus during class. i dont remember huge chunks of lectures and sometimes its a struggle to turn in homework on time, let alone actually study. theres a good chance i could fail one of my classes, and a slight chance i could fail another. and i promised myself that i would get help if things got bad again, theres a psych clinic right on campus thats covered by tuition, but it feels like im doing all i can to make it to class and then im exhausted and just want to go home... im honestly feeling kind of lost here. like i know exactly what i can do to help myself and maybe salvage some fucking brainpower before finals start, but i just have no motivation and mentally its like im barely even here
or like, my brain’s being smothered and i cant pay attention or do anything because theres so much fluff blocking everything out...
well, at least now i have a little account of my mental health history in case i ever do manage to see someone lol
#star emoji#depression //////#suicide ment //////#description of s/ui/cide attempt//////////#honestly just dont even read this i just need to get this off my chest bc my mental health hasnt been great lately and it might help#oh god this got super long actually please ignore this#OH SHIT WAIT readmores dont work on mobile do they#fuck im so sorry to anyone who has to scroll through all this shit but i Needed to type this all out im sorry#long post
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as the seasons change
C!Technoblade x gn!reader highschool!au
Word Count: 9.1k
Pronouns: they/them
A/N: this is literally so self indulgent, i spent a whole day writing this because im going through my techno feels rn. it basically follows the story of oblivious Y/N and Techno throughout the four seasons :)
Warnings: Underaged drinking, Swearing, Smoking, Drugs (very brief)
Suggested Songs: The State of Grace, Taylor Swift/ MEET ME AT OUR SPOT, THE ANXIETY, WILLOW, Tyler Cole/ that way, Tate McRae/ Falling, Chase Atlantic/ Compass, The Neighborhood
SUMMER------------
The August air was thick with the heat of the almost-setting sun. Her rays beat down on the backs of the group of teens, and mosquitos filled the silences between them with their incessant buzzing.
A small crack of static preceded the soft sound of music, accompanied by the sharp smack of Niki and Jack’s celebratory high-five.
“Didn’t you start setting up the speaker like an hour ago?” questioned Wilbur, who was sunk into a half-broken lawn chair that he had found in the garage.
“Yeah, it would have been much faster if you had asked Techno” chimed Y/N from their place leaning against the above mentioned man’s leg.
His grunt of response was cut short by his little brother, Tommy, bursting into laughter.
“Because he’s TECHno! Get it?!”
Everyone groaned and Wilbur smacked Tommy upside the head, grumbling about “shouldn’t have let you come hang out with us”
Y/N giggled at that, but took sympathy on the boy. “Aww don’t be like that Wil, Tommy, I thought that was hilarious.”
“Don’t encourage him, Y/N” Techno leaned down to murmured to them in his low, monotonous voice.
There it was. The way he said their name! The way his calf felt under Y/N’s back! The way he whispered sentences directly to them, as if it was some closely guarded secret. It was enough to bring butterflies to their stomach as they praised whatever higher being was out there for the heat of the day covering their blush.
“It’s so fucking hot,” Fundy moaned, kicking Wilburs shin from his place lying facedown on the grass. “Can we go to the pool or something?”
His request was met with a spectrum of responses, varying from Tommy’s “YES, PLEASE WILL? PLEASE!” to Technoblades indifferent shrug.
Jack took note of Technoblades open response with a shout of laughter. “TECHNOBLADE IN THE POOL! I WOULD PAY GOOD MON-”
“I’m not getting in, dumbass.”
“Why? Scared you’ll ruin your hair?”
“No, he doesn’t want us to know he’s secretly jacked under the sixteen sweaters he wears.”
Technoblade picked up the hem of his sweatshirt, making eye contact with Niki. She has a point.
“How do you wear that in the Summer?”
“It’s n- TOMMY!!”
Shrieks of laughter follow Tommy’s water gun assault on his brother. “When did he slip away to go get those?” Y/N wondered aloud.
“WHEN ARE WE LEAVING??” Tommy asked enthusiastically.
---
A crowded minivan, a stop to pick up Tommy’s friend, and a raid of Phil’s linen closet for pool towels later, the group arrived at the neighborhood pool. The sun hung low in the horizon as people spilled out of Phil’s van and began dragging the pool toys and water guns towards the gate.
The air around the black metal bars barring their entrance to the pool seemed to quiver.
“I think Wil has the pool key.” piped Niki in response to Fundy throwing his weight against the fence.
Fundy, in turn, sprinted back to the car, where Wilbur was taking inventory of snacks (and probably hiding the best for himself).
Technoblade looked down at the two younger boys and Y/N conversing in hushed whispers. All of a sudden, they screamed out in perfect synchronization, in equally high pitched voices,
“Let me innnn! Let me in pleaseeee!”
And promptly burst into giggles. Y/N almost toppled into Techno, both from laughing and the slight weariness from the heat.
The pool noodles he was balancing beneath his arms (laden with tote bags of pool toys and towels) toppled to the ground, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was Y/N’s hand steadying themself on his chest, and the way his face began to heat up almost unbearably considering the weather.
“Oops, sorry!” they squeaked, leaning down to pick up the fallen noodles.
Technoblade was burst out of his daze by the return of his brother and Fundy, who triumphantly swiped the access card against the pad before kicking the gate wide open.
The clang of metal against the concrete pool clubhouse sent reverberating waves into the air, and everyone winced as the metal continued to drag.
Pool entrances varied, Niki, on the one hand, took her time tip-toeing into the water by the stairs, while Tubbo and Tommy almost knocked each other out crashing over the edge to the deep end.
Y/N chuckled at their antics, but seeing as they had settled on not getting wet today, they picked out a chaise in the shade and pulled a book and pen out of the small bag they had brought with them.
Technoblade watched them with almost unwavering interest, unless someone happened to look his way, in which case he would quickly turn back to his phone, scrolling aimlessly through his home screen until they turned away.
From his spot under the little roof of the clubhouse, he had an almost unobstructed view of Y/N, and how they chewed at the end of the pen they used to annotate their book. Oh how he wished he could read the little notes they scribbled in the margins, or the drawings they would surround words with when they got distracted from reading. And the way that pen dangled from their lips, their tantalizing, soft lips. Taunting him, almost. And their jewel-like, bright eyes. Always so inviting and playful; like the way they were meeting his right now-
Shit
He hadn’t realized he’d been staring that intently. A small quirk of their eyebrow and a smirk on their lips was enough to make his heart give out. But not now. Not when they were waving their hand so intently to get him to sit next to them. Pretending to ponder the decision and gather his belongings, (when in reality he was just collecting his bearings), he walked over to them.
“See! You don’t always want to be alone, Mr. I’m so antisocial and I hate everyone!” they smiled, patting the adjacent seat.
You’re the only exception, he thought, his brain screaming and pushing to let the words leave his mouth. He couldn’t though, not when they could never think of him the way that he thought of them.
So he answered with a small smile and a chuckle.
“What are you reading?”
“The Picture of Dorian Gray! Remember you said you thought I’d enjoy it?” they answered with enthusiasm, that sparkle still evident in their eyes.
It warmed his heart to know that they had taken the suggestion and committed to the book, which was admittedly a pretty tough read, because of him.
“How could I forget?”
Their smile widened and they buried their head back in the book, that cursed pen once again being squished between their plush lips.
Technoblade peered over their shoulder to see that they were nearing the middle of the book, where Dorian returns from his theater date with Basil and Henry. Feeling satisfied enough that they were invested in the story, given their gasp and furious scribbling in the margins, he felt it safe enough to stare at them under the orange-tinged glow of the sunset.
Of course, he forgot about the crowd of his friends who were nudging each other and whispering about his infatuation with you. The whispers reached Wilbur who narrowed his eyes in his twin's direction and made a mental note to ask him about it later.
Once dark hit and the water began to run a little too cold for anyone's taste, they began to wrap themselves up in towels and raid Wilburs snack stashes. The snack distribution was cut off by Wilburs phone, screen lit up with a zoomed in photo of none other than Philza.
DADZA!!! Read the contact name as Wilbur swiped the screen and held the phone between his shoulder and ear, continuing to hand out snacks.
“OI, where in fucks sake are you lot? It’s an hour past the devils ass why i…”
The rest of Phil’s screaming faded as Wilbur walked away to calm his father down.
“AN HOUR PAST THE DEVILS ASS” Y/N screamed with laughter, sending the entire group into raucous peals of giggles.
“Yep, mhhm, we’ll be there” Wilbur walked back towards the group, motioning for everyone to get in the car.
“Yes dad I know, yes, okay we will drop him off. Okay, bye” Hanging up the phone, he ushered people back into the car, holding Tubbo back by his upper arm so that he could sit with easiest access to the door.
After dropping Tubbo off, and then doubling back and driving around town to drop people off at various houses, Technoblade, Tommy and Wilbur were alone in the car with Y/N.
“Here. Here. WIL! Pull over!”
The van screeched to a halt as Y/N clambered over Tommy’s long legs, almost falling out onto the pavement. They leaned against the door of the passenger seat, thanking Wilbur and bidding farewell to the brothers. Just before they stepped away, Technoblade leaned down and kissed the crown of their head where it was leaning against his open window. Their stunned expression was lost in the dark and the window slid shut as Wilbur slammed the gas pedal to make it back in time before his dad’s curfew.
“What the fuck was that”
Technoblade gave him a glare, which lost its effectiveness when paired with the burning red blush flooding his face and neck, highlighted under the harsh white lights of the car. He turned his face away and resigned to staring out the window, the night air filtering through the small crack giving his face a little bit of relief.
“Okay at least tell me, are you together?”
“No.”
“But he likes them!” piped up Tommy from the back seat, looking up from his phone where he was playing a game.
“No I- I don’t” Damnit The crack in his voice gave it away.
Wilbur, sensing that it seemed to be more of a sensitive topic than he thought, decided to drop the subject for the time being, and Tommy was already absorbed back in his game.
The rest of the drive was spent in silence as they raced against time and the rules of Philza Minecraft.
AUTUMN----------------------
School started a few weeks after the pool night, which was followed by many late nights and summer fun by the friends, the knowledge that half of them would be away to college next year heavy in the atmosphere. To say the least, Junior year was not treating Y/N well. They were almost always working on homework, if not doing SAT prep, and they rarely went out with their friends. The only time Technoblade got to see them was during his AP Lit class, and because of it, he considered himself the luckiest man in the world. Ms. Ren’s Literature classroom was the only place Technoblade seemed to see the old Y/N, the one from over the summer who got enthusiastic over books and gave him playful punches when he was a little too mean to their friends. Now, the only Y/N he saw was a stressed, tired person who was always carrying an energy drink in one hand and a stack of homework in the other. Except for in Lit. Y/n’s eyes would brighten as they discussed the reading from the previous night and their legs would jostle Technoblades from under their shared table to show him an annotation they had made. Technoblade assumed they were just rejuvenated from the literature, never once letting the thought cross his mind that maybe, just maybe, he was part of the equation too.
On the rare occasion that they would hang out with their friends, they would be easily prone to tears and every conversation would be redirected to how tired and stressed they were. Of course, Technoblade wanted them to be happy, and felt enormous empathy for his friend in the harshest year of high school, but he had suddenly become hyper-aware that the clock was ticking on his time left with them. He was a senior this year, and while Y/N still had a year left to go, Technoblade would be on his way to college, perhaps out of the country, in less than a year. It wasn’t wrong to want to make the most of his time with them.
It didn’t help that this internal time bomb was also counting down the opportunities he had left to tell them how he felt.
-----
He decided to get to them when they were in a good mood, and more likely to say yes. After Ms. Ren had finished assigning the reading due by Monday, he turned to the beautiful person who sat next to him and muttered in a low voice,
“How’s your weekend looking?”
They looked up with a bright smile and whispered back
“I have tons of homework but I should be able to knock it out with a good day of work. Why? What do you have in mind?”
He knew this was the right time to ask you.
“Just be ready by 4pm on Saturday.”
----
Technoblade sat on the edge of his usually neat bed, now strewn with almost every sweater he owned. He was picking a stray piece of lint from the sweater nearest to him when he saw his brother walk past, then backtrack out of the corner of his eye.
“What’s got you all indecisive?” Wilbur asked, gesturing vaguely to the sweaters and random articles of clothing adorning his room.
“Wait! Is today your date with Y/N?”
“It’s not a date.” grumbled Technoblade.
“Then why are you so stressed about what to wear?” he replied with raised eyebrows.
Technoblade groaned and threw himself on top of the pile of wool on his bed. “I just need this to be perfect. Y/N needs a break, and they deserve everything to be just right.”
“And you want to impress them” sang Wilbur, now nudging Techno aside to sift through his sweaters.
Technoblades noise of indignation was muffled as Wilbur threw a cream colored sweatshirt at his face.
“What about this?”
“I couldn’t find what to wear it with.”
Wilburs sigh rang through Technoblades room as he opened the closet, now in his proper mindset as the family fashion consultant. Garment after garment was thrown in Techno’s general direction, and he leaned and reached to grab them all.
“Try that”
Technoblade walked out of the bathroom to find Wilbur rummaging through his jewelry.
“When did I say it was fine for you to go through my stuff?” asked Technoblade, shoving Wilbur away. Wilbur shrugged in response, motioning for Techno to open his hand so that he could drop his selection of rings and necklaces into his open palm.
As Wilbur walked out the door, he thought he heard a faint “thank you”, and smiled to himself.
-----
“This is elaborate”
“I’m a dynamic man Y/N.”
Y/N laughed at his response to the back seat of Technoblades car, which was filled with “supplies” for the evening.
“That outfit sure is dynamic.”
“Why?” Technoblade asked nervously, drumming slightly on the steering wheel. “Do you like it?”
“I love it! I didn’t think you could get any hotter but you somehow pulled it off!”
Realizing what they said, Y/N’s cheeks flushed a deep red and they began to pick at their flannel. As soon as Technoblades surprise wore off, and the butterflies faded back to the dull sensation that always seemed to linger when he was around them, he let out a snort of laughter. That sent both of them into a fit which continued until Technoblade hit a pothole from laughing so hard.
Y/N’s momentary fear only made them laugh harder, but Technoblade attempted to quell himself before he no longer had four functioning tires.
“Do I get to know where you’re taking me?” Y/N asked. They had driven a little ways out from the city, to the vaguely familiar areas that one only drives by when they’re leaving town.
“Yes.” He replied, slowing the car into a small parking lot. “Because we’re here.”
The pair entered the small bookshop and a bell rang overhead. The store smelled of dust and books and Technoblade saw Y/N breathing the scent in like a breath of new life. Of course, this ended up in a small coughing fit which he pulled them out of with a few pats to their upper back.
“Okay we are on somewhat of a schedule, so I need you to go get a book. Any book, and meet me back at the register in 10 minutes.” He said, grabbing them by the shoulders and making direct eye contact. “Okay, Go!”
And they both got lost in the mazes of words.
At 4:30 sharp, Y/N found Technoblade waiting for them at the register with a stiff red hardcover. He reached out for their book as they reached for their wallet.
“Tech, no, you don’t have to buy me books I can get it myself”
If for nothing else, the way they shortened the already shortened version of his name made his heart stutter, and he was overcome with the sudden urge to buy them every book in this store. But he wordlessly nodded his head ‘no’ and paid for their two books.
As they walked back to the car, Y/N admired the way his jewelry glistened in the sun. The gold necklaces contrasting against the black turtleneck he wore under his sweatshirt made them think of the summer, when his rings would shine under the sun and in the light of their almost nightly group bonfire. Technoblade opened the door for them when they got to the car, pink hair flying in his face because of the wind. Before getting in, Y/N threw their arms around his neck in a hug.
“Thanks”
They mumbled into his neck.
He blamed his pink cheeks on the cold.
-----
“Let me carry something!” Y/N argued as Technoblade led them down the path of a park a little ways away from the bookstore.
“No.” he answered, a basket and three bags dangling from his arms.
The argument continued as they made their way down the paved path, leaves crunching underneath their feet. A little ways into the walk, when the conversation had faded to discussing the latest reading assigned by Ms. Ren, Technoblade stopped Y/N by throwing a tote bag-laden arm against their chest.
“Here.”
He parted the branches that covered a small, unpaved path that led deeper into the trees.
“How do I know you’re not trying to lure me here to kill me?” mused Y/N, already a few steps ahead of the pink-haired man on the pine-straw path.
“Yeah hold on, let me just get my axe out from this basket real quick” deadpanned Technoblade, earning a giggle from Y/N.
A few moments later, the path opened up to a clearing with a few fallen logs and a small brook trickling near the edge.
“This is beautiful Tech! How did you find this?” they asked with an awestruck expression.
He hid the way that his ears flushed with his hair and busied himself laying out the picnic supplies he had dragged all the way out here, mumbling something unintelligible.
Once he was done, he looked up to find an empty clearing, Y/N nowhere to be found.
“Y/N?” he called
He received a response in the form of a small yelp and a rather loud splash. “Over here!”
“What the hell were you thinking?” he asked, sprinting over to the edge of the stream. Their giggles calmed him a little bit, but didn’t absolve him of all his worry as he subtly looked them over for any injuries.
“I thought the rock would be steady enough to hold me” they pouted, gesturing vaguely at the rock in question, now shiny with water.
Technoblade sighed, rolling his eyes at their antics, but hoisted them up nonetheless. Once they were back on solid ground, he curled his finger around the back of his sweatshirt's neckline and pulled it over his head, almost knocking off his glasses in the process. He missed the way Y/N’s eyes narrowed and focused on the way his black knit turtleneck hugged his figure, tucked into the dark brown trousers Wilbur had dug out of his closet just hours previously.
“Are you warm?” asked Y/N with an incredulous look, teeth slightly chattering.
“It’s for you, dumbass. You’re almost sure to get sick in those wet clothes.”
Y/N’s heart stuttered at the gesture, and at the way Technoblade shushed them when they tried to argue.
He turned away as Y/N shed their dripping flannel and replaced it with the sweatshirt, warmed by his own body heat.
When he turned back, he almost lost his breath again. Seeing them in his sweatshirt, the sleeves dangling past their fingertips and their hair a little tousled from pulling the garment over their head, messed with him just a little bit. He ignored the way that his cold-nipped nose was turning redder and redder and instead gently picked up their hand to guide them over to where he had set up the picnic, next to a towering tree with a thick trunk.
Both of them were hyper-aware of the way that his fingers held theirs, and the warmth that seemed to radiate from their touch. Neither one of them wanted to let go, but as they plopped down onto the picnic blanket sitting on the ground, their grip fell apart.
The loss of contact made the October day seem colder.
The muffled crunching of the leaves under their butts filled the air as they settled into a comfortable position and began digging through the picnic basket Technoblade had brought with food. The tension in the air slowly faded as they began to eat and the atmosphere filled with the joyous conversation of the two painfully oblivious teenagers.
When they had both finished eating, Technoblade pulled out the bag that he had brought from the bookstore and handed Y/N their book. The smile that graced their lips as they mumbled out another ‘thank you’ brought another wave of butterflies down Technoblades stomach. He pulled out his own book and made himself comfortable against the thick tree trunk behind him. Y/N reached into their back pocket and pulled out a ballpoint pen, the cap of the pen riddled with chew marks.
The damn pen.
They stuck it between their teeth and let it hang off of the right side of their mouth. Technoblade felt his chest heat up as they nudged him over to share his spot leaning against the tree. He opened his phone and hit play on a mix of Arctic Monkeys and Gang of Youths, before leaning back to where his shoulder was pressed with theirs and opened his book.
Time seemed to forget its rules in this quiet little forest, with just Y/N and Technoblade lost in their separate worlds of words. The peace was only ever disturbed by Y/N occasionally scribbling something down in the margin of their book, to which Technoblade would demand to see, and they would fall into a small discussion about the topic.
These occasions slowly began to wane off until Technoblade felt Y/N lean their head against him with a thud. He looked down to see them fast asleep, half leaning on his shoulder with the pen still clutched between their fingers. He took note of the way the pen was balanced like a cigarette and the small puffs of air following their cold breath resembled smoke. Ignored the way his heart was almost convulsing on itself, he chose to wrap his arm around them and savour the moment.
Because he was aware that before he knew it, it would be over.
WINTER---------------------------
The student media center had a hushed atmosphere to it, as people took advantage of their last afternoon to study for semester finals. Winter break would let out the next day, but for the overwhelmed Juniors and Seniors now crowding the library, the excitement would not set in until they quelled their nervousness over the last final of the semester.
One of the study rooms situated in the back was now crowded with the notorious friend group as they crammed for their last final. Fundy, Jack and Niki were trading around their history notes, Wilbur and Minx were arguing over the proper situation of a unit circle, and Technoblade was flash quizzing Y/N on the Polyatomic ions. Their frantic studying was interrupted by their friend, George, who had gotten bored of watching his two best friends during their last football practice of the semester. He quietly walked in and took a seat in the corner, pulling out a notebook and studying something or the other.
“Why aren't Dream and Sapnap here cramming with us?” Minx asked George.
“They have their ‘weightlifting’ final tomorrow” seethed George, most likely jealous of his friends’ somewhat pointless final.
Everyone laughed, and some groans of similar jealousy rang through the air right before the cracking loudspeaker of the school crunched to life, announcing that the doors would close at 6:00. Y/N looked down at their watch face, which read 5:45.
“Fuck, I’m never going to learn these charges! Don’t even get me started on the fact that I don’t have the solubility rules memorized!” squeaked Y/N in frustration. Everyone gave them a sympathetic look, knowing the rigorous emotional and mental demands of taking AP Chemistry.
“Don’t worry, you still have the whole night to study!” consoled Fundy.
Technoblade felt his heart break at the way their eyes filled with tears of frustration.
“My siblings scream way too much, I can never concentrate at home”
“Come study at our house!” exclaimed Wilbur. “We can kick Tommy out so he won’t bother you!”
Wilbur sensed their hesitation and cut in before they could say ‘no’
“Come on, Dad won’t mind, he loves you! And it gives us an excuse to send Tommy out!”
Y/N turned their head in questioning to Technoblade, who grunted and nodded his head.
“I mean, if you’re sure”
Eager nodding.
“Thanks so much Wil!”
---
It was 11:50 and Phil’s living room resembled something closer to an FBI clue board, with flashcards and chemistry notes strewn on every possible surface. Wilbur had retired to bed after reviewing his Calculus notes one last time, and Tommy was spending the night at Tubbo’s. Phil leaned against the doorway and watched his son coach his best friend through the last few chapters of the textbook with a smile on his face.
“Make sure not to go to sleep too late! You need enough sleep for your final!” he called, retreating up the stairs.
Y/N checked their watch and sighed at the time. “I should get going soon.” they mumbled, beginning to collect their notes.
“Stay the night” suggested Technoblade, pulling a blanket over their shoulders to protect them from the December chill that seemed ever-present, even with the crackling fireplace illuminating the room.
“I can’t-” A yawn cut their sentence “I can’t stay, I don't have anything and I’ve wasted enough of your time already”
Technoblade took them by the shoulders and looked them in the eyes, albeit having to lean down. “You can never waste my time”
Shivers ran through Y/N’s tired body and they offered him a weak smile.
He plucked the pen that was hanging from their mouth out and feigned disgust as he wiped it on their shirt, before throwing it in the pile of stationary by his feet.
“How about you stay for a hot chocolate?”
The invitation was too hard to resist so they gave in, as long as it was “only ten more minutes”.
Technoblade filled two mugs from the pot of the beverage that Phil had left on the stove, and topped it with marshmallows and whipped cream.
Y/N took the mug from him with a ‘thank you!’, and led the way back to the living room to nestle under the warmth of the fireplace. The pair were both exhausted from the day of studying, and chose to sip their beverages in silence. Before either of them knew it, they were both asleep under Y/N’s blanket, cuddled up against the cold of the night.
---
They woke up to the banging of Wilbur running down the stairs.
“Shit, you two are still asleep?”
Y/N jumped up, knocking over their empty mug in the process. “Fuck, what time is it?” they asked, urgently rummaging around for their bag.
“8:00”
“What time is your final?” grumbled Technoblade, still half-asleep with no intention to get up until his final later that day.
“8:20” they whined, almost breaking down.
“Hey, it’s fine, go get clothes from my room, take anything you want. I’ll drive you.” said Technoblade in a calming voice.
Y/N looked at him with desperate eyes and thanked him before retracing the familiar path to his bedroom.
Technoblade cracked his back and followed Wilbur into the kitchen, intending to make Y/N a nutritious breakfast and pack them a lunch, but was met with Wilburs smirking face.
“What’s the deal?” said Technoblade in his monotonous low, pulling things from out of the fridge.
“Are we going to ignore that you and Y/N slept together?”
“Gross you perv, we just fell asleep studying”
Wilburs smart-ass response was cut off by the arrival of the person in question, clad in one of Technoblades sweaters and sweatpants and ripping their fingers through their hair to attempt to tame it.
Technoblade ignored the all-too-familiar flutter of his heart at seeing them in his clothes and handed them a yogurt bowl he put together. “Let’s go, you can eat it in the car.”
They definitely broke laws driving at breakneck speed, but they pulled into the school parking lot at 8:15 and jumped out of the car, Technoblade following them to make sure they made it to the Chemistry classroom on time. With a minute and a half to spare, they arrived at the door to the classroom, earning a sigh of relief from both of them.
Dr. Yachtrong ushered Y/N into the classroom, but not before Technoblade placed a kiss on their forehead and wished them good luck. They entered the classroom in a daze, which they quickly shook off when the tests were passed out.
---
The final bell rang for the day and the cheers rang around the school, drowning out the crunchy loudspeaker announcements to “have a good Christmas” and to “make good decisions”. Y/N had headed off to their last few classes following the Chemistry final, which had gone as good as one could expect a Chemistry exam to go. They were fairly sure they had passed which at this point, was a major win. As they left the History hallway, they saw their friend Karl leaving the art classroom.
“Karl!” they waved him down.
“HEY! Y/N!!!” he giggled excitedly “Schools out!”
“I know!”
Excited chatter filled the hallways and they bumped into Sapnap, Punz, and Dream leaving the weights room.
“How was your weightlifting final?” snickered Y/N
Punz answered with a slight push to their head. The group was shot out at the front courtyard, where almost all of their other friends were waiting.
The celebratory mood was punctuated by Karl inviting everyone over for an “Epic School Sucks Party” at his house later that night.
Y/N looked around, searching for the pink-haired man that had been flooding their thoughts more than usual lately.
He had been acting differently, nervous even, since the day they fell asleep on him at the park. Y/N was only scared last night's incident would make it worse.
“He’s probably finishing up his Latin stuff” murmured Wilbur, leaning down to their ear.
Y/N’s ears burnt a bright red upon knowing that Wilbur knew who they were looking for. They looked up to answer, but he had already gotten immersed in a conversation with Quackity and George.
The man in question came out of the front doors of the building and made a beeline for their cluster of people upon seeing them. Y/N couldn’t help but admire the cuffs he wore on his slightly pointed ears, and the way his long pink hair fell behind his-
“Oi Y/N is that Technoblades sweater?”
Screw you Minx
“Y/N spent a surprise night over last night” snickered Wilbur, wiggling his eyebrows.
“It's. Not. Like. That.” screeched Y/N, punctuating each word with a smack to Wilbur, somewhat drowned in the laughs and gasps of everyone in their group.
“Why are we hitting Wilbur and can I join?” asked Technoblade once he integrated himself into the tangle of people. The laughs hushed as everyone turned to look between Y/N and Technoblade.
“What?”
-----
The heat of Niki’s curling iron sent warm shivers down Y/N’s neck, a grateful contrast to the harsh December chill plaguing the outdoors. She blew gently on the warm hair before letting it all fall back, tousling it to break up the curls.
“Thanks Niki!” said Y/N gratefully, examining themselves in the mirror. “You’re going to have to teach me how to do this someday.”
Niki laughed, already standing in front of the bathroom mirror to apply her eyeliner. With one eye closed, she spoke to the person now standing behind her, checking their outfit from different angles.
“So really, what’s going on between you and Technoblade?”
She knew of their intense crush on the pink-haired boy, which had started somewhere between 8th grade and freshman year, but she also knew that Y/N tended to be more closed off about their deep personal life.
Y/N sighed, almost in disappointment. “Nothing. And that’s the problem.”
Due to Niki’s sympathetic look thrown their way, they fell down a rabbit hole of ranting which led them to where they were now; on the floor beside Niki’s bed with Y/N’s head in her lap.
“He always acts so weird around me. One minute he’s holding my hand or kissing my forehead, and the next he won't even look at me, or only answers in short sentences. And it stresses me out because I think he hates me, but then he does shit like buying me books just to go read in a forest with him, or staying up all night with me to study for my Chemistry final, and I just-” They took a deep breath, containing their rambling.
“I just get more confused.”
----------
Karls party was in full swing by the time Niki and Y/N got there. They were met at the door by Sapnap and Quackity, who for some reason were handcuffed to each other, and were both giggling and flushed. Y/N and Niki hung their coats on the rack by the door and walked into the festive atmosphere of the house, seeing familiar faces in every corner.
Despite the rowdy environment and the deafening noise, the party was relatively small, consisting of only 20 or so of Karls friends.
They followed Quackity and Sapnap into the living room where a semi-circle of people was lounging on various couches, passing around a blunt and playing what seemed to be truth or dare.
Ah. That’s where the handcuffs came from.
Niki and Y/N decided to play, Niki offering to go fetch them both drinks in the kitchen as Y/N found their place in the circle. To their surprise, Technoblade was there, seemingly uninterested in the game and more invested in something he was doing on his phone. Upon seeing Y/N, he gave them a smile, cheeks flushed with alcohol, and gestured to the small spot between him and the couch armrest. All eyes followed Y/N as they perched on the armrest, mumbling a small ‘hi!’ to Technoblade.
Niki returned with two drinks in hand and shared a knowing glance with Y/N, as well as a miniscule smile, before handing them their drink and taking a seat on a cushion next to Jack and Minx.
“Okay okay, In honor of our new guests arriving, Y/N, truth or dare?”
Y/N knew by the looks everyone was giving them that choosing truth would not be the best option.
“Dare.”
A small sigh of disappointment left Karls lips before a mischievous light came into his eyes and he perked up again. “I dare you to sit in Technoblade’s lap”
Snickers echoed across the group as Technoblade looked up at the sound of his name. He looked up to where Y/N was balancing themself on the edge of the couch, and with some burst of courage, that was probably induced by the alcohol, he wrapped his arm around their waist to tug them into his lap with a squeak of surprise.
After recovering from their initial embarrassment, Y/N turned to the man whose lap they were in. “Techno, truth or dare?”
He huffed but quietly breathed out “Truth”, suddenly very aware of how close their face was to his. After a few brief seconds of eye contact which seemed to last an eternity, they stuttered out
“Umm, do you,- actually, how did, how did they get you to play? This game... I mean?”
“BOO! WHAT A BORING FOOKIN QUESTION!” called Minx from the cushion she was on.
His response of how he didn’t mean to get dragged in to this “stupid middle schoolers game” was slightly slurred as he took a big chug of whatever liquid was floating around his red solo cup.
This worried Y/N. They never saw Technoblade drink more than enough to get him slightly tipsy, but they brushed it off on end-of-the-semester excitement. In any case, they would confront him when they got the opportunity to talk to him alone.
---
Said opportunity arose after the Pizza arrived, and most people began to file into Karls movie room to watch whatever garbage show he decided on running. Y/N stayed back, intending to have full access to the pizza and Technoblade, noticing this, stayed with them. Y/N hopped up onto a counter and pulled the pizza boxes to them.
“Hey Tech?”
“Heh?”
“Are you okay? I haven't seen you drink this much before?” they asked, running a concerned hand through his hair before pressing it to his forehead to check how hot he was.
His eyes closed and he nuzzled into their touch.
“I guess I’m just nervous.”
“Nervous? What do you have to be nervous about? It’s winter break” they answered, a small smile on their beautiful face.
This was his chance.
“I have to start applying for colleges.”
Fuck, he missed it.
-----
The food brought a new bought of energy to everyone at the party, and by 3 in the morning, the celebration was still heavy in the air. Everyone thanked whatever brought Karl’s parents to buy a house far removed from any close neighborhoods, so the noise wouldn’t earn them a police visit.
Loud music blared from the speakers in the living room, which had been cleared of furniture to make space for the energetic teenagers.
Y/N took turns dancing with Niki, Minx, and Jack before being stolen away by Sapnap who spun them around until they almost threw up. Eventually, Y/N ended up on the outskirts of the dancefloor, where they saw their favorite apathetic pig-boy leaning against a corner, snickering at everyone who was embarrassing themselves in their drunken haze.
“WANNA DANCE?” asked Y/N leaning towards him to enunciate over the music.
How could he say no? When they were looking up at him with those big, bright eyes and a slight sheen of sweat over their face.
-----
The party began to dissipate nearing the hours of dawn. Around 5, people began trickling out. Except for the select few who had decided to just crash with Karl.
Technoblade and Wilbur parked a little ways away from their house, walking the rest of the way and ushering each other up the tree by Wilburs bedroom to sneak back in.
It was locked.
“You dimwit, didn’t you unlock the window?”
“Of course I did you arse, where do you think I snuck out from?”
Their bickering was interrupted by a small tap on the glass by none other than a smirking Tommy.
“Leave it to him to only wake up when he wants to annoy us”
“Tommy, let us in.”
Tommy made a rubbing motion with his index finger and thumb. Looking at Wilbur and sighing, Technoblade pulled his wallet out and held up a 10.
Tommy made a ‘more’ motion
20. Then 40. Then 50.
“So generous of you lads, come on in!” he giggled, snatching the money from his brother and leaving the window open for the two to clamber in awkwardly.
Technoblade snuck back into his room, stripping off his sweaty clothes and falling onto the mattress. Before he blacked out, he saw two notifications come in.
BitchBur: I took these pictures tn, thought u might want them ;) (8 images attached)
And
Y/N <3: I hope you figure out the college situation! <3 let me know if you can hang out sometime :D
He opened Wilburs text to find a collection of candid pictures Wilbur had snapped over the course of the night. One of Y/N in his lap, a few of them laughing together over pizza, a few of them on the dance floor, and what had to be his favorite: a picture of them kissing his cheek as a ‘good luck’ for his arm wrestle with Dream.
A smile creeped onto his face and he felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for his brother. He set the last picture as his wallpaper before turning off his phone and falling into a realm of blackness.
SPRING------------------
“That was my very last AP Exam!” exclaimed Y/N, walking through the door of the coffee house where all their friends were lounging.
The small shop erupted with cheers as they celebrated everyone finishing their school year. The cheers eventually died out, though, as the realization sunk in. Tomorrow was graduation.
The seniors in the group, Wilbur, Technoblade, Minx and Fundy were all going off to college.
Wilbur to England, Fundy to the Netherlands, and Minx to Ireland. The one person who hadn’t decided on a college yet was Technoblade.
“Why do you all have to leave the country?” whined Y/N.
A chorus of similar sentiments left the other juniors who were scattered around a few tables that had been pushed together.
As the conversation descended into dorms and expenses, Y/N received a text from Technoblade. The shock of the ‘ding’ made the pen that had been balancing between their lips clatter onto the floor.
Apathetic pig-boy: come outside
Y/N looked around, not having noticed that Technoblade had disappeared from the table. Taking advantage of the conversation everyone else was immersed in, they quietly snuck out, but not without avoiding Wilburs keen eyes, which narrowed upon realizing his brother was not at the table.
They wandered outside, finding Technoblade sitting at one of the outdoor tables covered by the awning.
“My Yale email came in.” he said as soon as he saw them walk outside.
They jumped with barely contained joy. “What did it say?”
“I wanted you to be here when I opened it.”
Everyone knew that Technoblades dream college was Yale. He had talked about it ever since he was a little kid, screaming about Greek mythology on the school playground. Y/N knew that it was Technoblades biggest ambition to study literature at one of the most renowned colleges in the world, but they still felt a twinge of sadness. On top of losing half their friends, they couldn’t lose the one person that meant the most to them too.
“Open it!”
Y/N leaned against the back of Technoblades chair, almost falling over his shoulder as they watched the loading icon on the college’s website.
Technoblade clicked on the notification and they both read it together
Congratulations! We are glad to inform you…
“THAT YALE UNIVERSITY HAS DECIDED TO ACCEPT YOUR APPLICATION! TECH I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!” Screamed Y/N, wrapping their arms around his shocked figure. They placed a million kisses all over his face, gushing about how proud they were of him, ignoring the gut wrenching feeling inside of them.
“What’s the screaming about? Did you two finally get together?” Asked Wilbur as the group flooded out of the coffee shop to see what the commotion was about.
“Yale accepted me.” mumbled Technoblade, just loud enough for them to hear.
The cheers that followed his announcement almost made their small hometown collapse. Congratulations were exchanged and backs were pat, and in the mess, Y/N managed to sneak off to the side. The only person who noticed was Niki, who followed them to the corner of the parking lot where they were kicking at the asphalt with their converse. She sat down, and the two rested in silence, the April wind blowing their hair all over the place.
“He’s leaving.” He’s leaving me. They wanted to say, but they didn't.
Niki gave her friend a small side hug, somehow interpreting the sentence accurately. “He’s pursuing his dreams Y/N, you know he doesn’t want to leave you.”
“How do I make him stay? It’s selfish and I’d feel like a bitch but Niki I don’t think I can live without him.”
“Y/N.”
“Hmm?”
“You need to tell him how you feel.”
----
The next day brought sunny skies and the enthusiastic atmosphere of graduation. They had all managed to snag themselves some graduation tickets to see their friends finish high school.
Jack, Niki, and Y/N were sitting in a Wendy’s parking lot, waiting for the clock to hit 11:45 so they could start making their way to school. It seemed empty without the Seniors of the group, as they were all at school getting ready for the ceremony. Y/N voiced this concern aloud, to which Jack responded, “We’ll have to get used to it. This is how it’s going to be next year.”
And the three fell into silence, sullenly dipping their fries into their frostys.
----
Jack, Niki, and Y/N let themselves be jostled into school with the crowds of emotional parents and kids who were already bored of the event. They found decent seats, near the front aisle and set their belongings down.
Not a moment later, they were greeted by Philza, who filed in with the rest of the boys extended family to sit beside them.
The dimming of the lights led to hushed whispers erupting from the previously rowdy crowd.
Procedure came and went, the salutatorian and valedictorian giving their respective addresses to the crowd, the speech of the somewhat bored principal, and finally,
“Without further ado, presenting the Graduating Class of 2021!”
Cheers erupted from the crowd as names began to be called.
Within the first five minutes, the boredom began to set in and Jack began a game pigeon game, which Phil demanded to be added to. The four played the digital card game until they were pulled out of their concentration by a familiar name being called. They erupted into cheers as Fundy walked across the stage to pick up his diploma and shake the Principal’s hand. The process was repeated until Minx, her eyes shining as she shook the principal's hand earnestly, then flipped him off quickly behind his back, which sent the auditorium into a fit of laughter.
Person after person was called up, until...
“Technoblade Minecraft”
Philza almost cried. He stood on his chair, screaming in excitement for his son which made the boy in question flush as he collected his diploma and took a rather rushed leave off the stage, but not before seeing the heart that Y/N made with their fingers in his direction.
The same general act happened during Wilburs announcement, except that he laughed and gave his dad a cheering motion with his hands.
---
The group spilled out onto the lawn of the school, congratulating people they knew when they saw them. Technoblade and Wilbur joined their family, receiving hugs from a very emotional Tommy. Y/N, Niki, and Jack waited behind for their friends to finish up with their families before tackling them in hugs. Screams and whoops came from the puddle of people on the floor, everyone yelling things to each other. The atmosphere was charged with happiness, and relief, and one couldn’t help but feel elation despite the bittersweet nature of graduation.
“Alright mates, party at my house!” boomed Philza over the noise.
The infamous graduation party. They had planned the two-part party in middle school, when they had had their first sleepover at the group's “hub”, aka Philza’s house. Since then, the party had become a reality and the first part would be executed tonight. The next being, of course, when the remaining half of the group graduated.
A marquis was set up in Phil’s garden, now uncluttered and full of spring blossoms. It was such a different atmosphere than it had been last summer, when their bonfires would stretch out into the early hours of the morning.
Food laden tables were scattered around the marquis, and to everyone's delight, a chocolate fountain rested on one of them.
After collecting food and gifts from various guests, the group found themselves sitting under the shade of a large tree with a rickety old treehouse balancing on it, which Tommy and Tubbo were attempting to devise a plan to get into with the help of their friend Ranboo, who didn’t seem as enthusiastic about the idea as the others.
“My flight leaves next week.” sighed Minx, leaning against Niki’s shoulder.
“I’ll be out of here by July the latest”
“Phil’s taking us to London next week and I’ll just be staying”
Everyone turned to Technoblade to reveal when he would be leaving for college.
“I’m going to Connecticut a week before the beginning of the term”
“So how long will you be home this summer?” Y/N asked, setting down their cookie.
“Between travelling and dorm set-up, I’ll probably only be here for about two weeks total.”
Y/N’s eyes filled with tears as they pushed their head into Technoblades chest.
“I just-” sniffle “I just can’t believe you’re all leaving!” they cried, muffled by Technoblades button down.
This sent everyone into a fit of tears as they all began hugging each other for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.
The moment was interrupted by Phil, who came out of the house with a camera and various props. Encouraging everyone to gather around and take pictures. Everyone scuffled around to fix their disheveled appearances and began making their way to Phils makeshift photo booth.
“Tech- wait!” called Y/N, pulling him back by the forearm. “Your hair”
They put pressure on his shoulders to get him to lean down so that they could fix his stray hairs.
Right then, looking at the way Y/N’s shoes sank into the ground and feeling their light touch in his hair, he decided. I have to tell them. This is my last chance.
“Hey Y/N?”
“Hmm?”
“I-” deep breaths, “I need you to-”
“Come on, lovebirds get in the picture!” called Phil, walking over to drag them to where everyone else was.
Y/N gave him an apologetic look, woven with the silent promise of later.
Damnit Dad.
----
The pictures had lasted what felt like eons, but between the corny props and the harsh afternoon sunlight, they held valuable memories.
But Technoblade had no interest in them at the moment, as he dragged Y/N behind the trunk of the tree they had sat at before.
The sunlight filtering through the leaves made Y/N’s face all that much more beautiful, and Technoblade struggled to tear his attention away to focus on telling them. He gathered up his courage and opened his mouth to speak.
But the only thing that came out was “OW!”
As a pinecone bonked off his head and rolled away on the ground, leaving chips of it in his hair.
“Look out below!” Called Tubbo from somewhere above them. So they managed to get in. Damnit.
Y/N took his hand and led him to the other side of the tree, away from the boys’ field of destruction. They sat down gently, pulling Technoblade down with them to pluck the pieces of pinecone out of his hair.
“Here. Distraction free! Now tell me what you’ve been trying to say because there’s something I need to tell you too.”
That gave Technoblade the perfect opportunity to gather his nerves. “You go first”
“No, it’s fine you!”
“No you go!”
It seemed as if the stars had collided and sent out particles so many eons ago with the knowledge that everything would lead up to these two kids coming to the same conclusion at the same time.
“I love you”
“I love you”
Their eyes met as they stared, wide-eyed and gaping-mouthed at each other. Overcoming the initial shock, they began to ramble.
“I didn’t think you felt the same way because you always got quiet around me and then you woul-”
“Can I kiss you?” Technoblade interrupted them, not really hearing their rambling through the buzz going through his brain.
They nodded shyly in response as he wrapped his hand around the back of their neck to pull them dizzyingly, tauntingly closer. He looked into their eyes one more time to make sure they were serious, but Y/N was already closing the gap between their lips. They hoisted themselves into his lap and gripped his hair to bring him impossibly closer.
But alas, in this group of people, nothing goes unnoticed or undisturbed.
“EW! TECHNO’S KISSING Y/N!” screamed Tommy from the balcony of the treehouse which resulted in whoops and cheers from everyone at the party.
“FINALLY!” yelled someone amongst the crowd.
Y/N felt their ears burn a bright red as they buried their face into Techno’s neck.
“Yeah Y/N! Get some!”
“Oh fuck off!”
A/N: i hope u guys liked it :D, also this is my first time writing with they/them pronouns so if i made a mistake pls don’t hesitate to correct me!
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corpse husband x fem!reader
summary: you meet corpse on a stream and you’re surprised when he reaches out to you
warnings: cursing, mentions of tattooing
word count: 1.9k
notes: This is proof read but could have missed some stuff. This is my first corpse fic and my first time writing fanfic since I posted that super cringey book on wattpad when I was like 12 or something. I’d appreciate feed back so please reach out to me :)
main blog @itsmysleepover
read part 2 here!
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
You were cleaning up your station so you can get home and stream. You loved your day job as a tattoo artist but you also really enjoyed streaming. It started as a way to promote yourself as an artist and the shop you worked at but it eventually became a really fun way to destress at the end of the week (or day if you were really itching to stream). “Hey Y/N was that your last client?” your boss, KC, asked as she walked to the front of the shop and put new flash drawings on the walls.
“Yes ma’am!” You said back excitedly. You finished cleaning your station and tossed your black gloves in the trash. “And you can’t trick me into staying and taking walk-ins,” you joked with her. She rolled her eyes and walked back into her office “It was one time,” she said as you slid on your jacket. As you walked out your phone buzzed in your pocket and you checked to see who had texted you. It was a message from Sean asking if you were free to play Among Us with him and some other streamers. You replied that you were on your way home right now and totally down. You were excited to see who was playing this time around since their Among Us streams are super entertaining and have gotten really popular.
On your way back you tweeted and posted to your Instagram story that you’d be streaming soon and set up all your stuff once you made it home. After a few minutes, you had a couple of thousand people watching. You entered the discord chat and Sean spoke up. “Everyone this is Y/N she’s sensitive so be gentle.”
“It’s nice to finally meet you guys and I’m not gentle, I'm ruthless,” You say into your mic and notice the chat calling you a liar. Everyone was in the lobby waiting for the game to start. “You sound way too sweet to be ruthless,” Corpse said. The countdown started and you were imposter with Charlie.
“This should be fun,” you told the stream. Yout tried playing strategically but after such a long shift your brain was mush. You saw Poki in nav and killed her then vented into shields. Not long after the body was reported and you were sure you were going to get voted out or at least sussed.
“Where was the body?” Felix asked. “Nav and I didn’t see anyone near there so whoever is imposter must have vented,” Corpse responded. Felix spoke up again. “I think I saw Y/N walk that way and I haven’t seen her since.”
Shit, shit, shit shit. “I’m in shield right now so-” you said trying to defend yourself but Charlie spoke up. “I was doing tasks with her earlier and I saw her walk into shields so she’s safe but I’m still not sure about Rae.” Everyone discussed a bit more and some people, including Corpse, voted for you but Rae got the majority vote and was ejected. You released your breath and kept playing being extra careful.
“Okay, guys that was super close. Corpse knows and is out to get me,” you said to the chat. You were eventually voted off but one round later victory was written across your screen with your ghost and Charlie’s avatar. “Good game guys,” Corpse said.
“I told you guys I was ruthless!”
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
You sat at your station doing nothing because a client had canceled a four-hour session. You were listening to music and sketching some stuff but you were bored out of your mind and you didn’t want to leave in case you got a walk-in. The music got quiet as you received a twitter notification saying someone had messaged you. You reached for your phone and saw you had gotten a dm from Corpse.
C: hey :)
You didn’t know what to respond. You were mostly confused as to why he decided to message you out of the blue. Did he want something? But what would he want?
Y: Hii! This is sudden
C: was i bothering you?
shit sorry!
Y: Youre fine I wasn’t doing anything rn
C: how has your day been
i dont usually do stuff like this
Y: Im glad you did im doing better now I was so bored
C: what were you doing that was so terrible
Y: NOTHING! thats the problem :(
C: im sure youll find something to do
You stared at his message. Unsure what to respond.
Y: Im gonna give myself a tattoo
C: what?
NO!
You tossed the needles you used for your tattoo into the sharps box. “Oh my god you didn’t,” KC said. She noticed the wrap on your calve from the tattoo you just gave yourself out of boredom. “It’s not my fault I didn’t have anything else to do!” You said trying to defend yourself. She sighed and just shook her head. “Just go home business is slow today.” It was raining so the shop probably wasn’t going to get a walk-in anyway and you didn’t have any more clients for the day. It was only 2 pm but you drove home and after making lunch for yourself decided to stream. You weren’t expecting too many people so it was bound to be super chill. Your leg felt sore reminding you of the tattoo. You snapped a quick pic of the fresh jack-o-lantern on the side of your calve and messaged it to Corpse.
Y: [image] it came out nice!
C: thats super cool actually
i was concerned why you would just give yourself a tattoo but i found your instagram and youre super talented
Y: Thank you!
For some reason, it felt strange to just have that be the end of your response.
Y: Im about to start streaming if you wanted to watch
[link]
C: ill be watching ;)
What’s that supposed to mean?
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
You sat in your apartment watching tv, hand lost in a bag of Doritos, and scrolling through twitter. You had stopped paying attention to the anime playing on the screen since you’ve watched it a hundred times and knew you wouldn’t miss anything. It was Saturday and you usually take those days off. Take the time to do chores or meet up with some friends but today you felt like not doing any of those things. As you continue your endless scroll (not helping the twitter addiction you told yourself you’d try to get a handle on) you got a message from Corpse.
C: wanna talk?
You looked down at the message unsure of how to answer. It was a simple yes or no and the obvious answer was yes. You and Corpse had started talking more regularly. You still didn’t have each other’s phone numbers but it was fine. Your conversations weren’t too big-- just you sending him memes, tiktoks, and telling him how much you liked the songs he would drop. Or him complimenting a tattoo you did. Sometimes he’d message you during streams telling you funny stuff his fans would say in the chat and you’d do the same. You learned a bit about each other but nothing too deep or serious. Like how you two lived a few cities away and you both really liked Donnie Darko. When Sean first invited you to that game out of everyone else there you were most excited to meet Corpse. He’s just so sweet and funny. Of course, you’d love to talk to him but you were also itching to talk to him and the last thing you’d ever want to do was make him uncomfortable.
Y: Yeah id love to talk
Here goes nothing.
Y: Wanna facetime or something?
No pressure or anything it could even be a regular call
I think facetime is just my default lol
You sent those last two messages quickly after you had sent the first. You wished you could know what he was thinking. It was killing you to think you had turned him off from talking to you completely. You put your phone down on the couch and went to wash your hand of Dorito dust. When you got back from the kitchen you turned off the tv and tossed yourself onto the couch.
Still no message.
Why am I so fucking stupid?
Just as you were standing up to stretch from sitting on the couch all day your phone buzzed. You reached for it fast and looked to see that it was him. You became super excited still not even knowing what the message said. It could have told you to never talk to him again for all you knew.
C: sure lets facetime
xxx-xxx-xxxx
You had his phone number. You added him to your small but growing contact list and called. You sat on your couch waiting for a response when he finally picked up the screen was black. It didn’t upset you; you kind of expected it and didn’t care what he had to do to make himself more comfortable during this call.
“Hey,” he said. His voice was raspier than usual.
“Did you just wake up?” You asked and looked at the time. It was about a little past noon and you had only eaten Doritos all day. Shit, you should probably make a decent meal.
“Not that long ago but yeah,” he responded and giggled. That giggle.
“Well, I’ve eaten nothing but Doritos all day while rewatching Ouran High School Host Club, so you’re welcome to join me as I make myself something to eat.”
“Sounds like fun; what are we eating?”
“I don’t know yet,” You said as you stood up and made your way to the kitchen. You opened the pantry and looked. You noticed a can of diced tomatoes and reached for it then checked the expiration date. It was still good. On your counter were some onions and garlic. “How about some tomato soup?”
“Sounds delicious.” you smiled at Corpse and your phone screen not knowing if he was also looking at his screen or not. “You’re really pretty-- you know that?”
“Thanks, but you don’t have to--”
“I’ve already told you what an incredible artist you are so many times I bet you’re tired of hearing it, but you already know what a talented artist you are.”
“That is very kind of you Corpse,” you said to him bashfully as you chopped the onion and opened the can of tomatoes. “But once again you don’t have to reach so far to compliment me.”
“I’m not reaching you are talented and beautiful and--”
“I thought I was pretty.” You could hear him chuckle with a smile on his face. “You’re both,” he said. You could feel your face getting warm from blushing.
“Fuck you you’re making me blush. My face is all hot and stuff.”
He laughed at how flustered you got. “That’s the cutest thing ever.”
You didn’t know how to respond so you just put some olive oil in a pot and tossed in your onions. It became silent but it was a comfortable silence. You turned the stove on and watched the flame for a few seconds. “If it was dark we could pretend we were together and having a bonfire or something,” you said to the phone as you turned the camera to show him the flame (still not 100 percent sure if he was looking at you or not).
“I’ll put it on the list of things to do when you visit me someday.”
#corpse husband#corpse husband x reader#corpse husband imagine#corpse husband imagines#corpse husband x y/n#youtubers#caffeinated ramblings
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Heartless monster
Nate Jacobs x Reader
Warnings: kinda toxic relationship, slight cursing, mention of rape, drug use, violence and some smut at the end
Summary: Nate and y/n have been dating for a few months. She´s the complete opposite of every other girl her boyfriend has dated before. And when she wants to make it public he doesn’t approve, so she decides to make him jealous. Seems like her plan worked...
Nate <3: im a mckays right now. i will pick u up a bit later.
“Fucking idiot!”, I muttered under my breath after taking a hit from my mango flavored puff bar. A million thoughts coursed through my head, “Is he really at McKay’s? What does later mean? IS HE TALKING TO OTHER GIRLS?” This is the real me. Insecure, nervous and possessive. I’m not the cocky bitch everyone sees in me.
I tried to call Nate a few times but of course he had other things to do. After lying on my bed and waiting for him to call for another 20 minutes I decided to get up and go to Fez’ shop since he is one of my best friends. I was sure at least he would be happy to see me.
“Mom? I’m meeting a friend of mine. See you later.”, I shouted after putting on my shoes. My mother was currently in a little midlife crisis and didn’t want to communicate with anyone and I respect that.
The walk to Fezco’s shop didn’t take long and I honestly really enjoy walking in the dark, even if I was risking getting raped or even worse.
“y/n! What are you doing here?”, Fez exclaimed after I opened the door to the little gas station and before coming up to hug me. “Oh you know Fezzie, I was bored again.”
Fezzie. He absolutely despises that name but still lets me call him like that.
”Well, feel free to stay here if you want then.“, he invited me. We then shared a little blunt and talked about random shit like always. After what seemed like an hour or so we saw a white truck pulling up in the driveway.
“Wait....that’s Nate‘s car!“, I remembered. He picks me up sometimes with it so of course I would remember. But I didn’t say anything.
Instead one of the maybe dumbest but also greatest ideas came into my mind. I started kissing Fez on the neck. "Please, just make out with me. I know it`s weird but I need your help right now.“, I pleaded. The ginger haired boy looked like he wanted to say something but then decided to just play along. Fezco put his arms around my waist and started shoving his tongue inside my mouth.
Suddenly I heard the door open. “Y/N WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!” , Nate Jacobs shouted while looking likes he’s about to explode. His jaw clenched and his fists balled. Me and Fezco stopped kissing and I turned to Nate, smiling innocently, “Why are you so furious? It’s not like I have a boyfriend or anything, right?” “Oh y/n, you are going to regret this very soon!”, he stated angry. And now Fez decided to speak up, “Calm down man, it’s not like she owes you anything.” “Don’t tell me what to do! Nobody asked for your opinion anyways.”, Nate exclaimed before punching my friend right in the face.
I decided to step in before it could get worse, “NATE STOP! IT WAS MY FAULT! HE DIDNT DO ANYTHING!” Nate chuckled a bit before answering: “Well sweetheart, looks like you should`ve thought about that before practically fucking him in front of me.” Now I got really mad. FUCK HIM? We weren`t even close to doing that. Just as he wanted to hit Fezco another time I grabbed his arm. “Please stop hurting him. Do it for me, if you really love me.” Seems like my words made him realize he’s doing a mistake so he left Fez alone. Instead Nate grabbed my wrist harshly and I could only shout a quick, “I’m so sorry, I will explain later” to Fezco before getting dragged out of the shop.
“Why did you make such a scene?”, I asked irritated. Nate just huffed clearly annoyed and didn’t speak to me until we reached his truck. “Get in.“, he ordered while opening the door for me.
After a while he finally spoke up, “Why?“. “I don’t want to hide anymore, Nate. Why can’t you just tell the truth? Tell everyone that we´re in love?” I asked on the verge of tears and looking at my boyfriend for the first time today. “I do love you, y/n. I really love you. But I just can`t. We’re very different, you’re not like the other girls I’ve dated before.” “You can`t? Or are you just a fucking pussy? Scared of what daddy´s gonna think of you when it turns out you´re dating an outcast? Fuck you, Nate. I don`t need you anymore. You´re a stupid little spoiled boy who knows nothing about life.”, I screamed and when I tried to slap him he pinned my arms above my head with one hand and started choking me with his other one. “If I was you I would be careful with my words. I invented you. Nobody knew your name before me, so don´t be a ungrateful whore.”, my boyfriend whispered in my ear and just as I couldn´t breathe anymore he pulled his hands away.
I pushed the passenger door open and exited the vehicle. “You´re a heartless monster, Jacobs!”, I cried with tears streaming down my face.
Then I ran home.
-time skip 30 minutes-
I was scrolling through Twitter when I suddenly got a facetime call from Kat. I´m pretty close with her but she doesn´t know I´m dating Nate.
When I accepted it I saw that she was filming my boyfriend, they were at McKay´s party and he was standing in the middle of the livingroom, talking about me. “I wanted to tell you all that me and y/n are dating.”, he shouted and clearly everyone in the room was as shocked as me when I heard what he said. “And we´re truly in love. y/n is an amazing girl and none of us actually deserve her. So if you can´t accept the fact that we are happy together you better shut up!, and with that Nate exited the room.
Kat flipped the camera and looked more then surprised, “What the actual frick y/n? When did you plan on telling me that?”
I explained everything to her as fast as I could and then got up and ran to McKay´s house.
I felt the need to apologize to Nate for everything I did tonight. I was a real cunt.
-time skip 3 minutes-
When I got there I just saw him getting into his truck, “Nate wait!” He turned around and looked at me surprised, but I could see the little smirk that formed in the corner of his mouth.
When I got to him I kissed my lover hard on the lips and he kissed me back. It was a long, passionate kiss. “I´ve been waiting to do that the whole day.”, he admitted and we got in his car.
On the way to my house Nate put his hand on my thigh as always. But suddenly I felt it moving closer and closer to my clothed core and a moan escaped my lips. “You like that?”, he asked, giving me a playful wink. I could only nod when he put his large hand under my miniskirt and pulled down my red lace panties.
When he stuck one of his calloused fingers in my tight hole and started rubbing my clit with the other ones I reached for Nate´s soft brown hair and gripped it as hard as I could. He quickly parked on the nearest free space and let`s just say it was a very long night.
———————————————-
omg guys! that`s the first fanfic i`ve ever written. i know it´s not the best but i still hope you enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it! anyways, feel free to send me requests on what i should write next. :)
-nicole
#euphoria#fanfic#fanfics#fanfiction#x reader#nate jacobs#jacob elordi#euphoria fanfic#fezco x reader#euphoria smut#couple#couple goals#imagine#euphoria imagine#nate jacobs imagine#nate x reader
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OPPOSITE ATTRACTION - ♯kang taehyun [ 1 ]
[ 1 ] — what goes on
PAIRING : kang taehyun x reader
GENRE : college au! fluff, maybe angst like 2%
"y/n, im a visionary not a dreamer, and if i want you, i want you"
"i am sorry but what??" you replied in utter shock unable to process what is going on right now.
"do you not understand?" taehyun pushed his brows together looking at you waiting for a reply knowing too damn well you are in all girls dream right now, if anyone of them witness this, you could lost your life on sight right here.
"i-i... i think luna is calling me! bye!" you panicked and ran off leaving the poor boy standing there after confessing to you.
you ran off straight to the girls washroom and look in the mirror quickly touching both your cheeks, no way this is happening, the kang taehyun yes kang taehyun just straight up said he wants you?
the next morning you treated the day as normal, of course not forgetting what happened yesterday, you went straight to your locker to get ready for first period.
"y/n!" you turned to where the voice came from, to see a girl linking arms with a tall black haired boy like drunk mates
"luna! morning, and who is that?" you asked seeing a new face not so familiar at all.
"oh him? that's beomgyu, we are part time colleagues unbelievable!" luna snorted out laughing and beomgyu greeted a small hello, being cheeky as usual he wink at you
"we getting some coffee and milk before heading to class wanna tag along?" luna asked you, while you were just packing and closing your locker door, agreeing like what could go wrong getting a morning beverage.
you were so wrong.
"tyun, strawberry milk in the morning again?" beomgyu coos out
"stop babying me before i make sure you can't speak again." taehyun turn and hissed at the slightly taller boy and to make eye contact with you
panicked you just nervously laugh "oh morning!" you smile and raising one hand slightly up at him
"morning y/n" he greeted back slightly smiling, and you swear to yourself that's the first time taehyun ever smile kinda at you? or you've seen
"woah woah woah am i missing something? l/n y/n" luna jokingly teases
"a whole season of penthouse 3" you replied jokingly giving your signature meme smile that got beomgyu laughing out loud.
after getting your drink, you notice taehyun wasn't with you all anymore, he must have left for his class. when you turn to your right you noticed taehyun was with yeonjun the school soccer team captain.
of course they have a match coming up too.
the bell ring signing its time for class as everyone disperse to their class, when walking to class walking up the stairs to class when you felt a tug causing you to turn to meet with the cherry headed boy.
you suck in all your breath
"t-taehyun h-hi?" you clearly are trying to hold in your emotion and laughter because what in tarnation is going on right now
"i hope you could watch the match today... even if sunghoon isn't in the line up" he said holding an eye contact with you
"i can try!" you replied getting ready to escape this unwanted attention you know you're getting from some girls right here and now. but he didn't let you go yet
"just think about what i said, there's no rush really, but yea have a good day" he said before walking off in a different direction, you know for sure you are embarrassed to even do anything right now
walking to class now you're just thinking, what kind of mess you got yourself into. you never had any memories with taehyun that's for sure besides the fact you both were in the same school since kindergarten til now.
what's more was the way both of you are built differently, personality wise. deep down you don't know what taehyun is feeling but you know for sure you don't feel the same, mainly because sunghoon the love of your life (self proclaimed) exist.
classes was okay besides the fact you keep wondering off thinking about what taehyun said, sure he is nice and all but no way you would like a stone, worst of all the man of every girls dream? just no, but you didn't have plan to turn him down because you're shy and scared to reject someone
noon came fast as you decided that maybe you should just go watch the match, i mean what could go wrong, although it means there's no sunghoon to look at but a cherry headed boy, how bad could it be. you left your class and look out the window from the fourth level, directly towards the field you could see everyone stretching and practicing, your eyes wonder to finally stop and follow a cherry headed boy jogging in circle next to the so familiar just met today beomgyu.
"oh who you looking at now sugar boo" you turn so quickly to be facing your best friend luna, denying with the "no one in particular" answer she just laughed off
"can't be sunghoon since he went for debate so, is it perhaps lover boy yeonjun?" luna teases as usual and there you go back to your insult
"yeonjun? seriously, i in no way would look at that flirty cheesy vicenzo boy" you said out loud with your whole chest causing luna to crack out loud "you mean casanova, not vicenzo" she couldn't stop laughing causing your cheeks to turn full on red from your mistake.
4pm came by fast, which means it was the soccer match, you decided to just go and watch, walking towards an empty spot at the spectator area, you sat at the empty spot at the back along with your bag and a bottle of soda.
the players came out greeting each other before starting the match, and you got to admit this was your first time watching a match sunghoon is not playing and looking at someone else, you felt ad though you were cheating on sunghoon. just embarrassing.
the match started, your focus was on taehyun after all he invited you to watch the match in a sense, seeing him kicking the ball and passing, god he was good and how come you didn't know of sooner. his stamina and physique was perfect although he seems kind of short. he was no joke a good player, you cheered unknowingly when he scored and you swore you felt his eyes on you after celebrating his score.
the matches end not long, the team won with a 2-1, a great match indeed, you decided to wait until everyone leave before you take your leave but no, you should have left first because what happened next, is what's going to ruin you for the next few days.
you sat there drinking all your soda before living the field, when you heard a few girls talking, sounding like praises towards a familiar name, when you finally take your attention to where all the talking was from you were greeted with a red headed boy bending down to your eye level blinking.
your cheek turned red immediately, you mumbled a hi, hoping it doesn't make the situation awkward, but no you could feel a few pairs of eyes watching you right now, and it doesnt feel friendly either.
"hey, i didn't think you would show up since sunghoon isn't here" he said
no way he knows?!?!
"w-what do you mean sunghoon ha ha nah i came because you asked you know, friendly support in a way right yea ha ha yea ha ha" you replied and that was your most awkward experience in your entire life
"well if you say so, but thanks that score was for you anyways" he said sounding emotionless before standing up from his bending position, you kept looking at him, until he gave you a pat on your head and smile slightly "get home safe, bye," his final words before leaving, going back to the team
"no fucking way..." you mumbled to yourself, the way you froze through whatever he said. kang taehyun impact is real. when you heard someone calling your name, a hazel medium length hair girl standing next to you with her sunglasses on her head, looking utterly shocked. it was none other than the one and only hyewon
"y/n since when were you and tyun close even" hyewon asked crossing her arm and god you swear you didn't want anything to do with her right now but hope she leaves you alone for good. but nope you pretended to be deaf and decided to walk away as she grab your wrist.
"i am asking you a question?" she said with a stern voice, turning to look at her your reply was simple yet unsure mainly because you wouldn't want to go through hell caused by her "and i chose not to answer?" you simply replied and left.
-
on your way home, you dropped by the near by tteobokki shop you have your dinner, while scrolling through tiktok and your instagram feed, to land on sunghoon post. your heart did a flip, the way you felt guilty for watching a match he didn't play, and luna would laugh if she finds out as well. now you're stressed not from your depressing grades but also how to sort your crush feelings for sunghoon and reject taehyun.
by the time you reach home it was late and you decided to take a shower and just head to sleep early since tomorrow there will be morning class might as well. you switch off the light and lay down on your bed, setting the alarm on your phone, before closing and going off to sleep suddenly you received a call from an unknown number.
you picked up hesitantly, and answered a tiny hello, then voice on the other line seems calm, "is this y/n" the person spoke, the familiar voice you swore you recalled somewhere. "y-yea?" you replied. a sudden pause on the other line, and you feel like shitting your pants, "it's taehyu-"
you panicked so fast and ended the call by accident.
a/n : no this is so bad but its the best my brain stopped but ,, in advance if i drop this series its because i feel like its going nowhere or something ;-; also english is not my first language so sorry for bad grammar and words
#txt#txt scenarios#txt fanfic#txt ff#txt imagines#txt x reader#taehyun scenarios#taehyun x reader#taehyun imagines
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God Im Sorry (A tapeworm clef fanfic)
Before we begin. This is all for jokes. I am so sorry for anyone who has to read this. Its also just a draft and will be complete at some point. For now enjoy what little I give you.
You find yourself resting on the couch of your dearly beloveds bed quarters. You scroll through your phone looking fondly at old text messages of when you and your husband to be's first text messages. All the ridiculous nicknames you two exchanged, all the flirting, photos, and various other things you two have sent to each other over the years. You couldn't help but giggle. You find it hard to believe this all started cause you decided to help some weird blonde guy with a ukulele out with his broken leg.
You two have been dating for almost 8 years and two months ago, the man, Dr. Alto Clef. He took you on a date. Just a nice simple stroll around the woods, which ended in a nice picnic by a river. In which you saw the man you have fallen head over heels for, get down on one knee and began plucking at the strings of his ukulele. Singing a sweet melody like a song bird in the spring, before pulling out a wedding ring and asking those simple words of "will you marry me". Your heart flutters with glee as you chuckle. You feel giddy and so over joyed with happiness. Right as your giggle fit calmed down you heard the front door open, and there stood your beloved. With a wide grin on his face as he held some folders in his hands.
He had a doctors appointment that day since he had been feeling strange. With his face showing his usual bright beaming smile and his three beautiful eyes showing their usual mischievous gleam, it was clear that he was in more than perfect shape.
"Heya there pumpkin. I'm home. And I've got some great news." He spoke in a raspy slightly southern voice. At first it was grating on ya, but now its like all your favorite songs combine into one incredible tune. "Welcome home sweetheart!" You chirped as you ran up to your beloved teddy bear to give him a quick peck to the lips as you hugged him close, "What's the good news teddy? I can tell from that big dumb grin of yours ya got somethin real good to tell me. What did the doctor say?" You said as you affectionately pinched his cheeks causing him to laugh as he took both your hands to hold. "Well besides me being fit as a bull. Looks like I'm gonna be eating for two from now on."
You blinked and tilted your head in confusion, slowly processing the information as you stepped back a lil. "How? Babe I never top and we always use protection. Who-" "Oh no pumpkin. I ain't pregnant" He interrupted, chuckling as he ruffled your hair. "I got a tape worm. The doc took some sonograms of my stomach to see if there were any issues and yeah, there's a lil fella in there. Look." The blonde handed you the folder, which you opened and began reading through and your face turned pale at the sight of the tape worm in the photo of an ultra sound. You gagged a lil as you shoved the folder back into clefs arm. "Babe that's not okay!!!! That's a parasite!!!! Its gonna just keep reproducing and shit and its gonna fuck up your insides." You said quite loudly, usually you were quiet but this, this was making you quite distressed. Your fiancés face turned from a smile to a disappointed frown "I thought you would've liked clef junior....".
You stood baffled at the situation before you. Your dearly beloved, just, accepting and seeming to be happy about the fact he has a god damn TAPE WORM living inside of him. You've seen some shit in your days working for the foundation. A sheet of music that makes people go bonkers and try to bleed, Kondraki -clefs ex- ridding on god damn 682, and other shit that would boggle anyone's mind. But this. THIS RIGHT HERE. Just.... Leaves you speechless. "Pumpkin?" the third eyed man spoke in a concerned tone, which rarely came from him. "Are you okay?" You held your head in your hands as you sat back down on the plush couch and just took a deep breathe, and just as quickly as you sat down you sprung back up, grabbing your jacket and zipping it up. "Babe.... I just.... I need a moment.... I'll be out for awhile.... This is just, strange even for you and I need a moment to think about this." You sped walk past your -potentially ex- husband to be to the door. You shut the door, seeing Clef's face look uncharacteristically sad at you. It hurt you a little to leave your teddy bear like that, but you still needed time to just, think and process this whole situation.
You leave the housing area for researchers and quickly the site as well. You hail a cab and as soon as you enter the bright yellow vehicle you tell the faceless driver to "Take me to the nearest motel." Which he happily complied especially with the hefty tip you gave him. You just, Needed awhile to think and god knows how long that could be so you may as well rent out a room away from that hell site foundation to have a clear mind. After all who knows what might happen. Fucking Dr. Bright could tell you to give it a chance and raise the worm together with your teddy bear or some shit. You never know with this job and the people you worked with.
While in your thoughts you rented out a room, room 105. Great another reminder of your hell job, even though it was just the simple numbers of 0 and 5 you can't help but be reminded of your faceless higher ups and the fact you work for them.
You found your room and quickly made your way inside to flop down on the bed, beforehand making sure to put up the "Do not disturb" sign and locking it. You burried your face into the hard cheap pillows of this motel, missing the one you had back at your place with its soft textures and the scent of your beloved.... Which once again brought you back to the worm. That fucking worm. Why the hell was your husband so keen on keeping it? He's at least some form of scientist he should know that tape worms are a dangerous parasite that affect your health. You stare up at the popcorn ceiling just, trying to wrap your head around WHY. Why would your partner; your future husband; the one who knows everything about you and you know everything about them.... just why are they keeping the tape worm?
You of course knew the stuff your teddy was known for, sleeping with that statue after a date, killing a dangerous reality bending child, father to 166 (who you were honestly happy to take in as your new step daughter). Out of everything. The tape worm makes you break. Makes you rethink your relationship with the man you've been dating for years at this point. All you can do at this moment is sigh, hearing the phone in your coat pocket buzz. You pull it out and set it to "do not disturb" as you set the device aside on a night stand. "Maybe I should sleep it off. Maybe I'll have a clearer mind then...." You say to yourself as you threw your coat off and roll onto your side. Feeling uncomfortable in your current clothes but you didn't pack a bag so, you just ignore the discomfort until eventually.... You drift off to sleep. The shallow hum of power surging through the building and the busy city outside envelop you as you feel unconsciousness take over.
While in your state of unconsciousness you hear a silky smooth, deep yet gentle voice speak to you. "Y/N... Y/N its time to wake up Y/N". You slowly awoke, opening your groggy eyes, what laid before you, you didn't know. They had a handsome chiseled face, comparable to the statues found in ancient Greece with even a similar tone of white marble. They had thick luxurious hair that went down to their waste, rippling muscles that went down both torso and back.... They were ungodly white though. And didn't have legs. You stared at the bottom half and slowly processed what you were looking at..... A fucking tapeworm man. A fucking humanoid tape worm what the fuck. "Im going back to bed" You said as you laid on your side, and tried to ignore the hallucination.
The tapeworm creature, slid over you just to get to the side you were facing. You shivered feeling it’s disgusting body wiggle about. You close your eyes tightly as you did your best to ignore it. You could feel yourself holding back even more shivers as you felt their cold hands touch your face. “Y/n…. Look at me…. I just want to talk.” “And I just want to be left alone and not think about tapeworm men trying to seduce me while I’m contemplating breaking up my engagement.”
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a/n: hihi so this is my first fanfic,,,go easy on me please aofhaeiufah im writing another one as we speak about reader painting corpsies nails :)
word count: 970
warnings: cursing, ooc, unedited, cringe, friends teasing each other teehee
“hi everyone, welcome to the stream! i know it’s been like...a week since my last stream, yea sorry! i’ve been busy scrolling twitter and simping over aoc. i mean can you blame-”
before you could finish your rant - or even start it- about aoc, sean interrupted you, “aren’t you like the only one here you didn’t get to play with her?”
you gasped in surprise, he really had the audacity to disrespect you like that? you gave the camera a stern look and scoffed into the mic, “at least I’ll be able to vote for her in a couple of years, unlike you non-american citizen ass bitch!”
poki broke up the conversation before sean could reply. “okok, break it up kids! did you get the code y/n?”
“um. yes? the one that starts with t?”
“that’s it! make sure you cover it up this time!~” rae teased.
“wait wait everyone shut up! i found a 10th person!” sean exclaimed excitedly. you look over at chat and see everyone freaking out, spamming “CORPSEY” and “ONLYHANDSONLYLHANDS”
as the others in the call talked about whatever, you turned to chat and let out a giggle. “you guys want corpse? i think i follow him on twitter, i don’t know much about him though - i think it’ll be a little awkward. i heard he has a really fucking nice-”
for the second time that evening, sean interrupted you, “CORPSE! hi, hello, what’s up, how are you?”
there was a couple of seconds of awkward silence, then who you assumed was corpse spoke up, “oh, hi guys. i’m-”
you quickly muted the call and yourself and screamed, “HOLY FUCKING SHIT. did you guys hear that? maybe i’m overreacting because i’ve been listening to seans pig squeals for the past eternity but holy shit. can a voice have my babies??” you rest your head in your hands and took a couple of deep breaths, “ok, so, chat. let’s make a deal. i will stream every day for a week straight if you don’t clip that and show ANYONE.” you looked up and saw the chat teasing you, even a couple donations with people telling you they already tweeted corpse. “you guys are grounded i can’t believe this - after all we’ve been through…”
you shook your head and unmuted the call, still mumbling under your breath about how much you hate it here. sean’s laugh was all you heard in your headset. you unmuted yourself and scolded sean, “shut up you leprechaun, i don’t want to listen to your dumb laugh!”
sean only laughed harder as everyone asked him what was so funny. He finally calmed down and explained himself, “y/n do you want to explain what i just saw?”
“what? wait… IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK-”
“can we start the game already?” poki complained, dragging out the syllables in ‘already’.
“marzia is watching y/n’s stream and she sent me this clip of y/n-”
“START THE GAME START THE GAME!” you screamed, watching as the messages flew by in chat.
“don’t worry guys i’ll send the clip in chat-” sean laughed as the game started.
as ‘crewmate’ flashed across your screen, you groaned. “you know what? i’m unsubscribing from pewds, i can’t believe his wife would betray me like this! i thought we were friends, i spent like half my paycheck on her clothing line once! tsuki.market by the way - wait, no. i take that back.” you watched as everyone went their separate ways, well, almost everyone. corpse stayed behind with you, running circles around your orange bean. “oh god guys, do you think he saw the clip? oh my god oh my god, please kill me, “ you made your way to weapons with corpse following closely behind, “what if he’s upset and wants to kill me? holy shit. but i mean, it would be an honor to be killed at his hands. have you fucking seen them? homeboy is veiny as shit!” you watched as he finished up asteroids, and let out a sigh of relief when the task bar went up as he walked towards you. “ok, so i have soft confirm him as innocent? that’s kind of reassuring…”
you two walked towards navigation and began your download, corpse standing next to you. you giggled to yourself, “is this true love? i wonder what he’s think- OH SHIT FUCK NO!” right as you were speaking, rae and sean walked in and before you could close the download and report rae for killing corpse you were brutally shot. “fuck, but i guess i died with the one and only corpse so it’s not that bad?” you sighed, but quickly smiled when you saw a red dot on the chat box.
CORPSE
that was a hilarious reaction lmaooooooooooooo
“should i go for it chat? i could either risk my entire career or be a little pussy. i already embarrassed myself more than humanly possible tonight,” you mumbled. your eyes scanned the chat for the answer you wanted and you laughed, “mama ain’t raise no bitch!”
y/n
hilarious enough to get your number?
you spammed open and closed the chat and bit your lip nervously, “ok, that might’ve been a mistake but like at least i tried. remember kids, you never know what could’ve been unless you try-” you stopped mid-sentence as you read his response.
CORPSE
maybe next time sweaty
you banged your desk in embarrassment, “i take back what i said, never try, never put yourself out there, all you’ll do is embarrass yourself to thousands of people in the chat of a game about killing rainbow beans in space!!” you read chat as people teased you, some pitying you. “all of you; go to your rooms. and give me your credit card information, you lost money privileges!”
#corpse husband fanfic#corpse husband x reader#corpse imagines#corpse husband#fanfic#among us#corpsey#roses for corpse#onlyhands#corpsehusband#jacksepticeye#onlystrands#corpse husband imagine#corpse husband x y/n#corpse husband oneshot
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i saw your post about not tagging the minnesota wild if you're talking shit, which makes sense but i had no clue
im completely new to tumblr and frankly, tumblr etiquette is so fucking different from anything else and i dont get most of it at all
any basic tips so im not being a dickhead accidentally?
hi anon! sorry for my delayed reply here, but i did a little crowdsourcing for this.
there really are only a few basic tenets to Curating Your Tumblr Experience So You Have Fun And Also Aren't A Dick:
-if you're going to trash-talk a team or a player, absolutely feel free! it's your blog, you're allowed to say WHATEVER you want at any time, anyone who doesn't like it doesn't need to follow you. BUT, don't tag those posts with the player's name or the team name, or the team's liveblog tag. that puts that post in front of the eyes of people who like that player and that team, and that's not nice.
-if you are following someone who posts lots of stuff you like, but suddenly they add a team/player you DON'T like, you don't have to unfollow them if you don't want to! filtered tags are your absolute best friend- a good place to start is the team lb tag, the team name, and the player name, and then voila like magic you don't have to read their (wrong) opinions about that (bad) team! :D it's the easiest way to achieve peace in our time.
-if someone posts or reblogs a gif or any other type of post that you want to reblog, but it's not your team/player/whatever, don't say so in the tags. things like 'ugh i normally hate this team but this is cute' or 'fuck [player] but i'd still climb him like a tree' (let's be real, that second one is basically always about sid 🙄) might seem harmless, but the person you reblogged from AND the person who originally made the post is gonna see those tags, and then we're right back to my first bullet point: forcing negativity about something someone enjoys directly in front of their eyes is not the move!
-if you see a post you like, reblog it! there are no algorithms here, your dashboard is always going to be chronological, so if you want something to get recognized for being funny or cool or good, the best way to have that happen is to reblog. the pens fanbase is really good at circulating content, and wildblr is so small that we're all just incestuously reblogging from each other anyway, so feel free to jump in! nobody gets annoyed if you're interacting with a lot of their posts in a row, so feel free to just scroll through someone's blog and go wild.
-related to that....interacting with posts is all well and good, but if you want to make friends, the best way is to reach out through DM. don't be shy! if the friendship vibes aren't there you and the other person will figure it out pretty quickly, but in the meantime nobody's gonna be like 'ew yuck' if you shoot off a message to say hi, or ask a question, or whatever! that's how friendships are formed :)
at the end of the day, hockeyblr is really 32 distinct fanbases in a trenchcoat. there's some overlap sometimes, but you can't assume that because you like team x AND team y that everyone will. everyone is allowed to enjoy what they enjoy, and it has no impact on anyone else, so find people you think are chill to follow, amplify what they post when you like it, and enjoy! :)
(if anyone else has anything else to add, drop a comment! i'm sure i've missed some stuff)
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WAIT WAIT I was scrolling through your blog and you said you watch running man?? oh my goood question! who is your favourite member? thought on kwang soo leaving running man? (also maybe gary and joong ki if you are there when they leave) thought on the new members? fav ep? i'm sorry but it been so long i found people who watch running man
unless you talking about a different running man then...I'm sorry please delete this post and sorry for bothering you
MY FAVE MEMBER. is. no surprise. SONG JIHYO. aka goddess and best at everything. i think i’m very drawn to personalities that always dominate n come out on top. jihyo isn’t really known for being the ace of running man anymore but in my heart she always is :( i also am a HUGE fan of her goddess of luck image like she isn’t as crazily lucky these days bc kwangsoo (icon of misfortune) is gone but if anything makes me believe in supernatural like. the concept of LUCK being a real force in the universe it would be because of her. the way she overcomes odds n comes out on top despite being a bit of an underdog in many situations is SO hot to me. here’s some pictures of her
she’s like. u know how george is like effortlessly pretty despite being just so idc about it? yeah thats HER like she doesn’t give a shit she just wakes up rolls out of bed n goes to work. she falls asleep everywhere too. one time they played giant jenga and one of them had to be on top of the jenga as a ‘risk’ for the jenga tower dying n at the time running man was 6 men 1 woman (her) and they asked her to do it bc they were all scared n she’s the bravest member (she once bungee jumped off a 233m tall building to HELP one of them she literally didnt have to either she just went WEEEEE they all worship the ground she walks on out of respect shes just so cool)
anyway here’s her sleeping on the jenga tower
like???? shes so funny. my second favorite member is kim jongkook n my fave pair on the show is them both :) jongkook is the super jacked guy whos also really smart n good at everything. like u know how whenever george/sapnap/anyone dying screams for dream to help them when they need saving in minecraft? thats like every running man member w jongkook
ANYWAY FAVE EP…. there are so many. i swear to god. but if i were to recommend episodes to start w i’d say the superpowers episode? when they all had superpowers n had to fight to the death (ep74) and the second yoomes bond ep (ep91, i LOVE yoo jaesuk my beloved nation’s mc), the princess race ep (ep103), n park jisung soccer eps (95, 96, 97) OH FUCK THE ZOMBIE EP WHEN THEY WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL WAS FUCKING SICK TOO (ep98) and like uhhhh the baseball ep!! (ep119) and i’ll stop here bc the second people realize i have many episode numbers memorized i’ll look like a crazy person
BUT TO BE FAIR running man is the most popular korean variety show ever these mfs are straight up like A KPOP GROUP. they’ve held fan meetings which r straight up CONCERTS they sing dance etc etc they’re CRAZY u don’t GET IT they are a PHENOMENON,,, jackie chan was on this show RYAN REYNOLDS N TOM CRUISE WERE ON THIS SHOW
running man is literally what happens if u put a bunch of singers, actors, and comedians together n made them do crazy shit (literally everything under the sun has happened on running man. name anything PG. they prob did it on running man) AND THEY BECAME A FOUND FAMILYYYY and its so funny
i think joongki is so sweet n my beloved but i think ultimately him leaving helped the RM dynamic tighten up?? n it improved bc of it?? idk tho maybe itd be just as good if he stayed. i also was a tiny bit upset when gary left n it hurt the show for a while :( gary was so funny but also I HATE MONDAY COUPLE. FUCK MONDAY COUPLE IT TRAPPED JIHYO FOR SO LONG I HATED THAT SHIT. like its so crazy too bc imo they should never have had a loveline but if anything… do it w jongkook the one guy whos actually hot n has enough chemistry w her? they literally were called a ‘power duo’ all the time like brooooo i was so oppressed for liking their dynamic :( BUT HAHAHAHAHAH NOW JONGKOOK N JIHYO R FLIRTING ON THE SHOW ITS SO FUNNYYYY like yaaaassss straightbaiting 😍 its so funny too like there were times when monday couple was a Thing so the other members couldn’t “ship” other pairings but sometimes jongkook n jihyo would be so sus that they couldn’t help BUT say something u know but NOW ALL THE MEMBERS ARE FREE. yoo jaesuk risks his life every week to ship them and the others LOVE to fucking tease them
also kwangsoo leaving made me really sad but his injuries were too bad for him to risk his body every week like that :( all the members have slipped disks n severe back problems because of all the ways they hurt themselves making the show :( i hope kwangsoo comes back to guest soon tho like hes not Permanently gone the way gary is like gary straight up refuses to ever be on running man ever again LOL
also i like somin and sechan :D i admit i do prefer old running man dynamics but the current family is v cozy!! i think their loveline is sweet but i also think its HILARIOUS how the members mostly jaesuk don’t “care” as much about it like in that well get together sure but what we’re REALLY here to do is make fun of jongkook n jihyo ^_^ like they r cute its sweet ALSO somin being added is SO good bc YAY more than one woman also THEIR DYNAMIC IS SO CUTE like anyone remember that time they sabotaged each other in the game where they were competing by kissing each other?? good times
sorry for talking so much running man is literally one of my fave shows EVER n it hasn’t ended despite being a weekly show thats been running since 2010 (theres like over 500 episodes i KNOW im INSANE) like bro at the peak of my hyperfixation on this show I LEARNED THE FUCKING KOREAN LANGUAGE SO I COULD WATCH IT LIVE WHEN IT AIREDDDDD IM CRAZY FR
#ask#like not even my kpop phase at 11-13 was enough to make me learn korean#running man#DO TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS MORE ANON
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Alrighty folks here's my pinned post.
About me:
He/him/male
Im 21 years old (born in 2000 baybeeee)
Not comfortable sharing my first name (even tho it's super common and you couldn't find me using it). So on here I'll go by Eugene (my middle name).
Im currently at the highest weight I've ever been at, litterally 100 lbs over my starting weight (when I was either 11 or 12 at 4 foot 2 I think?). So please be cautious when talking to me about numbers at the present moment (Feb 2022).
Gae 💅 though currently dating a nonbinary beast
List of disorders cause I find it funny:
EDNOS, PTSD, chronic MDD, Chronic Insomnia, SAD, Chronic Substance abuse, ADHD, Bipolar (aka manic depressive disorder), (fuck dude im making this at 4am so im forgetting so fucking many), GAD, Panic disorder, dysthymia (I group that in with MDD but it's still a separate diagnosis ig), Social Anxiety disorder, unspecified psychosis, codependency disorder, gender dysphoria, and lastly a thing im not diagnosed with cause I don't bring it up in therapy and I actually don't feel like disclosing because of stigma around it and I'm not in the place to be told I'm faking by random strangers who don't know me or being told I'm doing it on purpose for attention thanks very much assholes.
How am I not permanently in a mental facility? Negligence probably! Stick around to see if that fact changes I suppose.
God what else do I say?
Stats: (again I'm at my highest weight ever, please don't comment on this to me, I just found out about it yesterday legit).
Cw: 270
Hw: 270
Sw: 170 (I was 12 and 4"2)
Ugw: 98
Is it even possible???
Im 5"4 (short kingg)
Things I struggle with due to mental health:
Eating (ok duh?), weight, body image, flashbacks, sleeping too much or too little no in-between, depressive episodes that usually land me in the hospital, hospitalizations (high score: 6 times in one year between December and March), major mood and behavior swings, Panic attacks that can last up to like a full fucking day rendering me completely useless, sometimes I see shit that isn't there, sometimes I hear shit that isn't there (they're thinking these are depression related psychosis mixed with not sleeping for like 4 days solid and not eating. Makes sense to me), I need people. No like I need them like I cannot be independent without trying to k!ll myself every single day, suicidal ideation, self harm, I have to get biweekly IM injections of boy juice into my ass-- and not the fun kind-- so I don't try to die constantly, and then other things I will not disclose ♡ and im poor.
At the moment I see 3 therapists and I'm looking for a fourth. Just therapists, this dosent include physical doctors or psychiatrists or psychologists or anything. One does CBT, another does EMDR, another is a nutritionist, and the one im looking for will be a DBT therapist. Gotta fucking collect them all am I right? (I'm not treating it like a game: I have to make jokes about it).
I am currently restricting and exercising (doing a piss poor job at it if I do say so myself).
Trying to stay below 800 a day currently.
Want to exercise daily but I simply do not have the time to. Will do it on the weekend tho! But right now I wake up I work I come home and scroll through tiktok and tumblr and then I "wake back up" again. I "sleep" when the gym is closed.
Wanna get to know me more? Please send an ask or message me im lonely and very open and honest about what I go through (except the disorder I will not disclose to anyone, thank you in advance for respecting that boundary!).
I love music and deeply enjoy connecting through music with people. I listen to anything I can understand the words to (this excludes country im sorry).
My favorite things to consume? Cigarette smoke and human hearts 💕
and taco bell 🥺
I like playing the cello, doing art (painting, sculpting, throwing, drawing, digital, animation, glass work, and a few lesser ones). I love and adore my partner they are the best thing that has happened to me. I like driving and singing.
I dislike showers (body dismorphia and gender dysphoria and ptsd, MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS), and yeah.
Im getting tired fucking finally after 2 days so I have to act now and sleep or else it'll be 2 more. Please message me if you have any question, need advice, want to talk and chat, ect. Disclaimer: if you are asking for advice I reserve the right to refuse and turn you down. This is not personal. You issues are real and they are valid you're on fucking eddie tumblr for God's sake.
DNI: Pedo/pedo sympathizers, under 18, fat phobic, homophobic, transphbic, or a generally shitty person.
Ok off to bed I go. Thanks for reading even though I know no one did. Thanks for letting me pretend.
Goodnight friends! Good morning? Fuck off dude idk, it's 5am.
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