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gavis-bettel · 5 years

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i just saw a post about symptoms of childhood depression and idk if ive ever talked about this here but

every time i try to think about how my depression developed when i was a child i am BLOWN AWAY by the fact that i was Very Severely suicidal as young as 7 or 8 years old

like i have very distinct memories partly because it happened during my first road trip with my family. i distinctly remember just desperately wanting to jump out of our hotel room window and we were a good few stories up so i didnt have any doubt it would kill me and i didnt even think of why i would want to do it or that it was such a serious thing to want to kill myself bc idk if i even knew what suicide was at that age

and around age ten i was on another trip with my mom and brother and it was a ton of fun! we went to a family reunion which i always enjoyed and it was in a totally different climate zone which was super cool to experience for the first time and my mom got me pokemon diamond so i would have something to do and i loved that game so so much

but on a cable car ride the park ranger or tour guide or whatever her position was mentioned that it would take seven seconds to fall from the height of our cable car onto the face of the mountain and all i could think of was how much i wanted to pry the doors open and jump and count those seven seconds and how disappointing it was that the car was full of people and someone would stop me if i tried

and then we went on a hike and i kept looking for any slope that would be sheer and tall enough to kill me if i fell but luckily we were on the safest most beginner/child friendly trail

and earlier that year i was going through a really stressful time in school and i frequently imagined ways that i could fall on our sharpest kitchen knife so it would kill me as quickly and painlessly as possible, or how to drown myself by looping a belt through the grate of the drain at the bottom of our swimming pool, or how to poison myself but i didnt think too hard about that one because i had a tendency to throw up a lot as a kid and i wanted the most surefire way

and at age twelve my best friend was also depressed and suicidal and she told me about how she wanted to poison herself or kill herself in other ways i cant remember bc its been a decade, but i decided that if she wanted to die too then i should try and i think it was before the pass out challenge but i remember hearing a news story about a child strangling himself to death playing a game or something so i actually tried to strangle myself and i could have fucking done it but i stopped bc i got a little freaked out by my neck going numb and seeing spots of light so i put the belt i was using away and just went to bed lol

and in the morning i messaged my friend about it and she was actually kind of freaked out i think. i remember seeing the little red spots from blood vessels bursting in my eyes and i was lucky i didnt bruise bc while i never really realized just how fucked up and abnormal being suicidal was (at any age, let alone 7-12), i also never told anyone about it except my friend

and interestingly enough around that time one of my teachers mentioned to my mom that i seemed depressed and recommended that i see a professional about it but my mom asked me if i was depressed and wanted to talk to someone and of course i said no because i was a shy kid and also never really knew there was actually something very seriously wrong with me... she chalked it up to my grandma (who i kind of hated and didnt miss at all, lol) dying a few months earlier and we all just kind of forgot about that

and funny enough, after my suicide attempt i didnt contemplate suicide again for several years - i might have been sixteen or seventeen the next time i even thought about dying like that. of course, starting in the tenth grade (age uhh... 15-16?) i had my first Springtime Major Depressive Episode, which made me lose any and all interest in school starting some time after spring break and before finals, and this happened ever year up until 2016, when i had my worst one yet and failed all my classes bc i didnt go to half of them, didnt do half my homework, and stopped studying altogether while also becoming completely obsessed with dead animals and constantly dissociating so badly i was almost convinced i had DID (and i still have posts on this blog talking about having alters and all that shit bc digging them all up to delete them is too much work and i might want to read back through all that mess if i ever have to go through such a severe episode again (knock on wood) ). and like, it was so bad i actually told my mom i was having a rough time for the first time ever, and she gave me her prozacs bc she didnt actually take them anymore (they didnt work on me, unfortunately). the summer following all that was marked by fits of anxiety and rage bc i had family visiting for a few weeks and it was too stressful for my poor half-melted brain but i managed to get through all that and the depressive episode ended and i actually got my act together after that and haven’t failed a class since and ive only skipped like 1-2 times per semester since then and i was sooo proud of how well i did and 2017 i didnt have my big springtime mde

but now i feel like im slipping again and i dont know if i can handle disappointing myself like that again. i was actually considering dropping out for a while because im not going to graduate in a clean four years, some people i graduated high school with have already gotten their degrees and started their careers, and im also just fucking tired of being in school. but my advisor told me im on track to graduate next fall and that made me feel so much better

but then i realized i cant focus during class. i dont remember huge chunks of lectures and sometimes its a struggle to turn in homework on time, let alone actually study. theres a good chance i could fail one of my classes, and a slight chance i could fail another. and i promised myself that i would get help if things got bad again, theres a psych clinic right on campus thats covered by tuition, but it feels like im doing all i can to make it to class and then im exhausted and just want to go home... im honestly feeling kind of lost here. like i know exactly what i can do to help myself and maybe salvage some fucking brainpower before finals start, but i just have no motivation and mentally its like im barely even here

or like, my brain’s being smothered and i cant pay attention or do anything because theres so much fluff blocking everything out...

well, at least now i have a little account of my mental health history in case i ever do manage to see someone lol

#star emoji #depression //////#suicide ment //////#description of s/ui/cide attempt//////////#honestly just dont even read this i just need to get this off my chest bc my mental health hasnt been great lately and it might help #oh god this got super long actually please ignore this #OH SHIT WAIT readmores dont work on mobile do they #fuck im so sorry to anyone who has to scroll through all this shit but i Needed to type this all out im sorry #long post

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daisy--sorbet · 4 years

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heyyy, hope you’re having a good night!! if you have the energy and feel okay answering, what’s up w taz graduation? i haven’t checked it out yet but i was thinking ab it. just asking bc you’re the first person i saw talk ab the show having serious issues, but also feel free to not answer this!! hope you have a good week!

i took a nice hot bath, had a strawberry kiwi capri-sun, and did a nice face mask and i’m feeling pretty good - so, y’know what anon? let’s talk about it.

for anyone who likes taz grad who sees this post: it’ll be tagged with “taz grad hate” (although i feel hate is definitely a very strong word - it’s for the simplicity of tagging it) - so please block the tag if you don’t want to see this post (especially because i put a readmore on a post before and it didn’t show up on mobile and instead gave the full post). mobile tumblr has a tag blocking system, so please feel free to use it! i don’t mind haha

anyway, so this is... probably going to be a lost post, and i wanna go ahead and preface it: this absolutely isn’t any hate on the mcelroys themselves. i love the brothers and their dad a lot, and while i doubt any of them would ever see this (or have it sent to them, or shown to them, because im pretty sure they try to distance themselves from this sort of thing), i just want to make it clear that criticizing a product is different than bashing a person. which brings me to the point of if i do end up sounding as if im bashing someone - please call me out on it! it’s not my intention to target anyone.

with that said, let’s talk about this campaign.

so my problems are as thus: the railroading, the shipping (a fandom problem, but it’s present in the podcast), the NPCs, and some misc problems others have addressed better than i have.

which. i know. that’s basically the entire podcast. (i promise i’ll bring up some positive points to balance it all out). keep in mind i’ve only personally listened to... what, six episodes? and it was enough for me to drop it. some people dropped it first ep, some dropped it ep four, and others are still forcing themselves to listen.

the railroading

there was a time i could handle travis and his railroading [making sure the story goes exactly the way he has planned], because it was the very beginning of the podcast and that’s what you can kind of expect from a plot-heavy podcast. hell, i wouldn’t mind it if the interactions and goofs weren’t a huge part of why i listen to TAZ in particular (which, by the way, is why amnesty still stuck out to me - even if there was a direction griffin wanted to push them towards, the interactions between the players (or players and npcs) made up for any railroading). it’s kind of hard to not railroad a little when it’s story-heavy and you’re trying to built up a world that you’ve put a lot of thought into. however, a huge part of d&d is the spontaneity.

it’s kind of why i think balance was so popular. while there was railroading towards the end, there was the presence of improv that made it all good. most mcelroy content is enjoyed because of the goofs. the magic brian moment is memorable. the jenkin’s fight still stands out because it was funny (albeit a result of some bad rolls). the boys teasing angus sticks out because the four would play well off of each other. even without that - griffin had talked about how he had to roll with things (the fact he had planned for a fight atop the train, but ditched the idea for what his family members came up with instead). even in amnesty, a couple moments that stick out to me still are ned with the jetpack taking out a pizza hut sign, and the scene with the water where jake was trapped inside. they aren’t as fun, but they still stand out as “things i didnt expect to really end the way they did.”

with grad, it’s just. one after another. the thundermen want to subpoena a xorn? cool, let’s run with that until actually the xorn gets fed rocks and goes home and who cares about the subpoena now. fitzroy wants to keep his cloak? lets talk about it for a while and you also get no rolls to even try to keep it. fitzroy goes to meet higglemas in his office? oh, why are you here fitzroy? im going to keep asking you until you answer fitzroy? you arent getting out of this scene until you answer me, fitzroy, so just tell me why you’re here already, alright, fitzroy?

and even later in a episode i read a transcript of: hey argo, remember how you have this whole secret motivation? fuck you, im gonna talk about it here in your dream and reveal it to listeners and remove any tension you had building up, and you dont get a choice to talk about it because this all-knowing villain knows all about it :)

and even NOW in the latest episode, there’s a comment that “we should cap argo’s skills here” instead of just... making the checks higher. rogues are good at certain things and usually arent the best in battles. better hope argo never makes it to level 11, because who knows how people are gonna handle the fact that he gets a skill that’ll make it so certain skills can’t have a roll below 10 (reliable talent).

(griffin, thankfully, calls travis out for that, but still - travis, why would you even imply that, considering you should be aware of how rogues work considering magnus multiclassed into rogue and you played one on tiny heist?)

and in the newest episode, their Big Bad chaos (which, god, i personally hate that name) straight-out says “dont do this” to the thundermen. travis tries to say, on twitter, “a character saying “dont do this” is different than me saying it” but i need to point out that it’s one thing if you’ve said “no” in character but worked with the PCs doing otherwise, but the railroading says differently.

the shipping

ill try to make this quick, because it’s nothing to do with the fandom (ship however you want, man) - but i really feel the need to draw attention to this.

fitzroy, as confirmed by griffin in a ttazz episode, is asexual. not aroace, but ace nonetheless. and i find it... troublesome that the idea of rainer and fitzroy having a relationship is still pushed nonetheless, despite the fact that fitzroy (to my knowledge) was never once shown to reciprocate any feelings. not to be that person, but i really hope that grad doesnt have any sort of romantic relationships in it (at least - not between NPCs and PCs unless they’re actually like... warranted?).

i dont know, man. one of my closest friends is ace, and i know she wants a relationship, but i think it would reassure her a lot to see an ace character who isn’t pushed into one in case she ever changes her mind. someone once mentioned that they hope fi/tz/ra/in doesnt happen because theres relationships that have that “oh, you can just date” and it goes upwards there to “oh, you can have sex just to please them <3″ (which, to be honest, is kind of a gross mindset - if someone isnt interested, they arent interested).

also, uh, the TTAZZ where griffin states this, there’s kind of the mention tht the whole sexuality question was posed in relation to the episode “creative thinking” (the dream one i mentioned earlier) - which. uh. i don’t know if anyone caught this, but... rainer straight-up wrote fitzroy a letter in the dream like “are you going to accept my proposal? a girl doesn’t like to be left waiting” which. leaves me with some gross feelings because uh.

if... if the whole thing about fitzroys sexual orientation was addressed here, then why would you push your ship anyway? feels kinda iffy, man.

to which i want to say: fitzroy can date. he’s allowed to date. griffins allowed to do whatever he wants with his character. but when a lot of the flirting is met with nothing, i’m not gonna see the chemistry there. just because travis ships it doesn’t mean it’s canon.

the npcs

ah yes. lets talk about the npcs.

there’s... a lot. a lot a lot. i think travis trimmed down how many were present in a scene, but uh. there’s still a lot. and... uh... i kinda wish there wasn’t?

look, i know im going back to balance/amnesty, but just. hang in there for a moment. chill with me. vibe.

balance didnt have too many NPCs present at all times in each mini-arc. gerblins had some big names like barry, klarg, gundren, killian, yeemick, and magic brian. rockport limited had angus, jess, graham the juicy wizard jenkins, and all of the tom bodetts mentioned.

amnestys first arc had mama, barclay, jake, dani, pigeon, kirby, minerva, and that was about it for like. big names? and not all of them were present in each scene.

in the first episode of grad alone: gary, hernandez, jimson, rolandus, zana, rhodes, buckminster eden, rainer, leon, tomas, hieronymous, higglemas, stuart, jackle, bartholomeus, mulligan, groundsy, germaine/victoria/rattles (the skeleton crew). and those are the ones i wrote down (minus groundsy, who i just. ignores. idk him).

like holy shit, my english prof got onto me for having too many characters in my first chapter and i didnt even have half the amount listed there!

it’s just a huge cast. does this take place in a school? yes! theres bound to be a lot of students present - but you don’t have to name every single one of them, at least not in the first episode!

the miscellaneous

i don’t know if travis ever actually addressed it, but wheelchair users have actually like... said that rainer’s introduction bothered them, because she was like “please ask me abt my wheelchair :)” when travis saying she was in an ornate chair would have sufficed.

uh. the colonization vibes people have discussed within the centaur arc. mentioned here, the replies here, and this post (and its replies) here as well.

the overall lack of d&d when the campaign was kind of advertised as a return to d&d if i remember correctly

also no one seems to be taking literally any criticism at all which like. ignoring the petty shit, sure, but people have stopped donating to taz and their listener-ship must have dropped some during this entire time - you’d think that maybe someone could say “we need to find out why people dont like the thing and fix the thing” consider this is. yknow. their livelihood.

anyway uhhh

tl;dr: travis railroads way too much (even now), the shipping in-game has become pushy and gross (especially bc its shoving a relationship onto an asexual character), theres too many npcs that dont stand out well enough, and no ones taking any criticism about the major issues with grad.

#taz grad hate #taz graduation hate #Anonymous #ok im gonna go to sleep now goodnight #maybe ill wake up to hate tbh that'll be wild

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authenticaussie · 7 years

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ur favorite one piece pairing + your favorite au

how can you ask such a thing of me alkshdgf i have To Many Favourite AUs

haha can i just link you to the mas ao3 page nonnie bc trust me any au that has mas also has my heart ///ahhaha not joking tho the link’s right here bc im a Sucker

Okay but like one of my favourites is Totally sUPERHEROES!!!!!! so!!!! Secret Identity MAS AU let’s Go

[mobile beware: readmore]

Sabo’s a hero / vigilante who has a lot of powers but they’re all largely synthetic. His only ability was like….melding??? And when the govt. found out they used him as an experiment to see if they could get other people’s powers to bond with him, and they can but- Sabo can’t use them properly. He has the ability to breathe underwater but if he tries, his lungs will fill up with water and they don’t empty. He can make and control fire, but it doesn’t stop him getting burnt by it. He can turn invisible but he can’t see. Superstrength but no superbone density. All the minor parts of superpowers that people take for granted don’t come to him.

Anyway I mentioned above the fire thing well Ace was totally the one that the govt. used to give Sabo fire abilities because they found out he was Roger’s kid (Roger, of course, having argued against having like, superpower registries and anyone not registered w/ the govt. being classified as a “villain” and maybe being the reason people had powers in the first place??? like, the govt. tried to keep it just for themselves but Roger was like whoops secrets! and revealed it all) and Ace having powers was just icing on the cake??? And they tried to take them and give them to Sabo and Sabo didn’t know about the cost of his powers until he tried to use them to get him and Ace out and he burnt. (His hands are the first things that get burnt. He gets used to using his left hand for writing and other jobs. His right is- harder to use.)

Garp gets them out because he’s- he’s terrified for these kids (and they’re just kids, he doesn’t understand this-) and gets people to give them other identities and Sabo and Ace rail against the govt. and throw them away basically and blackmail them and lots of shit like that but basically Sabo’s t e c h n i c a l l y on the hero register but the govt. hate him so they refuse to help if he’s in any shitty situations and h e y guess what.

(quick break before Ominous Shit Goes Down) Marco’s a villain! He used to be a hero, but…How do you explain to someone that you walked out of a fire that should’ve by all rights killed you, when their husband didn’t? How do you live with a bullet passing through your damn chest and hitting the child you were trying to protect? How do you be a hero when your powers are so inherently selfish?

Sabo & Marco are in a few of the same uni classes together and though they don’t talk, Ace notices that Marco has some of the same habits that he and Sabo have; watching the doors and windows and mapping out escape routes and being uncomfortable if people get to close….And figuring hey marco probably wasn’t Fucked Up by the goverment but he definitely isn’t The Best and befriending Marco in efforts to try and help him because while Sabo’s a hero Ace has never been able to- just fight for strangers like that. But Marco reminds him so much of him and Sabo…. and they become friends and one day when Marco jumps when someone gestures a bit too quickly, Ace carefully asks if Marco needs any help and Marco looks at him and then realises what ace is asking and And Ace kind of Not So Subtly always says that his and Sabo’s home is open if Marco needs it as they become friends and mentions it again and Marco’s like are u…kidding. Dude. No. And takes him to meet WB and ace is like ohh. oh. But ace is still a bit of a Curious Fucker and ends up poking a little bit and being like

“So you’re not afraid whenever anyone sits next to you???” and Marco kind of laughs but also flushes bc he didn’t realise Ace was??? paying attention?? what other things has he accidentally given away. Like. Ace is so far off base w/ his suspicions, but the fact he’s curious about Marco makes marco kind of…Uncomfortable?? People being interesting in him only ends badly.

Blah blah blah Ace finds out Marco’s a villain and technically Sabo’s archnemisis (even if like half the time Phoenix is just a tease and a bit of a jerk but Sabo Hates Phoenix’s puns) and he Freaks a little bit but also marco needs his help and marco’s still his friend so he pushes it to the side and spills it to Sabo later and Sabo’s like aRE YOU KIDDING ME???

Sab being a Sulky Kiddo and he goes along w/ it bc he trusts Ace’s judgment but also ACE PLEASE WHY ARE WE BEFRIENDING A VILLAIN and Ace has to placate him w/ lots of cuddles and kisses and assurances that ofc you’re my fave sab and no dont worry sab I’ll make sure to be careful around him and no sab i havent told him your identity, your safety is more important to me than him. And then Marco finds out that Ace knows Blue - like, because Sabo left his costume lying abt or smth, or Ace accidentally slipped when helping Marco fix his few seastone injuries and when Marco’s like “you’re good at this” his reply is “yeah i’ve had practice aha” and Marco can only think about what Ace thought about him before they knew each other better.

“You know that the reverse offer…is always open to you too, right? Like…you offered your home to me, if you need to- get away from it, my home’s open to-” and ace is like wOOOOAHHH no Sabo is Not Like That don’t even??? insinuate that??? lowkey how dare you???? and he kind of goes “i do take care of other people, not just you fluff butt,” and marco’s like ??? other??? people??? and then he’s like WAIT is this why you said you had an emergancy button??????????????/ aRE YOU TAKING CARE OF HEROES TOO and ace is like fLAILING and he’s trying to lie and MArco’s like who??? who??? is it someone i know??? do you know their identity as well???

n O ace says, voice squeaking, and Marco starts laughing and puts his hands up and backs away and promises he won’t pry but Ace eventually starts sharing a few stories about the heroes he knows (because he does meet a few through Sabo) and Marco’s so obviously amused and…Ace made him promise never to use the information he’d been given against the heroes.

(Ace makes Marco swear to never let Blue get hurt, because Blue is important to him, and Marco, who’s started to hear of the fire wielder that’d saved Ace when he was a child, starts to realise just in what way.)

And Marco’s repertoire with Blue gets a little bit more friendly and teasing and Ace tells Sabo stories about MArco too and Sabo eventually, carefully, starts befriending Marco as well and Marco even as normal him uses sO MANY PUNS AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS. DO YOU. SABO GETS SO FRUSTRATED WITH MARCO’S CONSTANT PUNNING THAT HE YELLS AT MARCO TO STOP BECAUSE HE’S HEARD ALL OF THEM AT LEAST TWICE NOW AND HE’S SO SICK OF PUNS!!!! ITS BEEN A WEEK OF HORRIBLE PUNS HOW MANY “I’M FEELING BLUE” PUNS DO YOU FUCKING NEED, MARCO???

And marco’s like Holy Shit. And sabo’s like Fuck I just Revealed my Identity. And they kind of stare at each other and then Marco starts smiling and he’s just like…”So….instead of feeling blue you’re….burning up with rage??” aND HE GRINS EVEN WIDER AND SABO LOOKS LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO START YELLING AGAIN and!!! they don’t bring it up again but they know the other knows they just?? never?? use it against each other.

ANYWAY BACK TO THE OMINOUS SHIT ™ so!!!!!!!!!! marco does a lot of thieving and likes to work with people because it’s easier and Look healing is helpful and all but it’s not like he can fucking fly like some other guys. (he can glide. There’s a difference, one that he’s Always been Annoyed by.) And his partners on this particular case are talking to him about how easy it’s going to be because they took out one of the most annoying things in their way and Marco thinks that they got a technopath to stop the cameras and other security systems but as he walks through the apartment w/ his from out-of-town partners that they’ve staked out before the heist and from the corner of his eye Marco sees this man tied to a chair and he’s like huh uhhh maybe they captured head of security instead???? And maybe he makes some sound, turns slightly, he isn’t sure, but his partner grins at him and signals to someone else and they tangle their hand roughly in this blond’s hair and yanks his head up.

Marco winces reflexively because that shit ain’t nice but then his heart does a stutter in his chest and his eyes go wide, because that’s-

Dried blood crusted on his lips and a shiny, swollen cheek and this damning purpled bruise around his eye and-

He’s pretty sure those are fingerprints around Sabo’s neck

(And it’s Sabo)

It’s Sabo, mask in tatters and blue eyes half-lidded because he’s only just managing to hold onto consciousness

“You see why we said there’d be no interruptions, my friend,” Marco’s partner says, so fucking proudly, so smug and Marco can’t stop himself from taking a step forwards, can tell when Sabo sees him come into view because his glare sharpens just barely and his throat bobs (is that- fear?)

Sabo’s hair is let go and his head drops, in a way that makes him grunt because he can’t hold it up properly, and marco feels to-

Reverent to be touching sabo right now, knows his touch is to soft and gentle to be one of an enemy as he slids his fingers beneath sabo’s jaw and gently cups his cheek, tilting his head up. His nail catches on dried blood as he smoothes his thumb over the corner of sabo’s mouth, and Sabo’s still glaring but something else is in his eyes now, something that Marco doesn’t really understand-

(it isn’t relief and it isn’t gratitude and it isn’t recognition but he thinks…maybe it’s some combination of the three?)

“You utter asshole, I can’t believe I’m doing this for you, I hate you-” he kind of mumbles, but Sabo’s just barely leaning into his touch now, like it’s the gentlest thing he’s felt for days (and maybe it has been, and Marco can feel something angry growing in his chest now and it shouldn’t because this is his nemesis but he can’t- This is also sabo. This is Blue, and Marco promised Ace that he’d never see Blue hurt.)

Gently brushes part of Sabo’s greasy, blood-matted hair from his face and Sabo blinks at him and half-mumbles, “ace….?” and Marco huffs grumpily and mumbles “wow you dick at least properly acknowledge who’s rescuing you” and he turns around to his partners and they’re staring at him like wait what what do you mean rescuing???

and Marco’s like “oh yeah, sorry guys. Kinda promised a friend of blue’s that I would never hurt him to badly. If you hadn’t showed him to me i guess i coulda stood by….”

(he’s lying, he hates the fact that he’s lying, that omission wouldn’t have crushed him with guilt just as surely as it’s crushing him now, but he- can’t admit it to himself. How much he cares about someone he’s meant to hate.)

“But….well, a promise is a promise. I’m sure you understand. If you could just let him go that would be great???”

“Let him go??????????? Uh no??? Do you know how long it took to catch him??? We’re not just letting him go!!!!” And Marco’s like u GAHHHH YOU KNOW I FIGURED THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN BUT I DIDN’T WANT IT TO??? and kicks ass and protects sabo and knows that his reputation is going to suffer from this but nothing hurts worse than imagining how worried Ace’s face is gonna be when he brings Sabo home.

Anyway, as well, after that MArco is Constantly trying to assert that he is a Bad Guy and poking and prodding sabo and being a Jerk but also unconsciously seeing sabo like, limp into a room and being like oh??? hit you to hard last night did I ??? need an icepack?? and he says it mEANLY but when sabo says yes marco just IMMEDIATELY JUMPS UP AND GRABS AN ICE PACK AND ANGRILY FUSSES/INSULTS SABO //and look Ace thinks it’s fucking hilarious but sabo’s really kinda confused bc he was out of it for a lot of his rescue, and he doesn’t remember the last few hours, he just remembers someone being so gentle w/ him and then being awake at home and feeling better and he thought that it was Ace, when ace was trying to take care of him.

Marco doing nice things for sabo but having to taunt him before hand bc otherwise it’s not Antagonistic enough. He’s failing #villain status unless he insults sabo teasingly before hand/gets sabo riled up. Ace thinks it’s kind of hilarious, especially when he sees that MArco starts getting sUPER FLUSTERED whenever sabo gets riled up and yelling and his cheeks are bright red and his powers are Doing Things

Also more on Sabo’s powers; costs are usually Equivalent to the powers, like, he can use fire but it will burn him and he can grow things but they ain’t gonna be strong and shit like that and he??? uses lower cost powers around the house to do chores???? Ace is like sabo come on do ur shit properly ur gonna get a migraine doing it w/ telekenisis and sabo’s like yeah but this is easier and it’s only a minor migraine??? and ace is like [yelling] pls u dumbass

Bu t,,, sabo being raised and trained as this powerful being,,, as a weapon for other people to use ,,,, so him getting to use his powers for himself….Ace can’t say no to that, especially if sabo wants to do it. Even if it hurts him, it’s- Sabo hasn’t had many choices in his life, he should at least get to choose this.

Ace doesn’t get burnt from his fire but sabo who does - and has - gotten burnt,,, who’s afraid of fire ,,,,Ace who represses every urge to use his powers because he knows sabo’s afraid, and besides what good could fire do???? like, sure, he can control it to some extent but…he’s never going to be a good hero. He’s to selfish. He cares about himself and his family and his friends and like….god he’d sacrifice anything for them, he’d do anything but he’s not….kind. He’s polite and he technically cares, and he’s empathetic to people’s struggles but- unless he cares about you, unless he thinks it’s part of what he needs to do and who he needs to be he just- won’t.

Marco calling his powers selfish bc he can only heal himself and not anyone else. Saying that he couldn’t have been a hero, what would he have done? (How do you explain to someone’s husband that your survived the explosion that killed their wife? How do you say that you got shot and walked it off, and the child in your arms didn’t? He’s never known. He thinks he never will know.)

(He doesn’t want to know. There’s- to much guilt in him for him to survive being a hero.)

For an extra dose of pain imagine Sabo asking/pressuring Marco to be a hero and work beside him and MArco’s certainly strong enough for it and Marco keeps telling him to drop it but sabo won’t and one day marco’s patience is worn through and he gets up and rips a newspaper off the wall that sabo’s never paid attention to and slams it down in front of him. “this is why i dont bother wasting my time. People are ungrateful and shitty and-” (I can’t live knowing i survived and i couldnt save anyone)

#marcoacesabo #maracebo #marcosaboace #opfanfic #nari is writing #aussie's anons #ask aussie #bip bop nari drops #how could ask this of me tho precious nonnie i l o v e aus i could never pick my favourite #///clutches chest and weeps #violence tw #tw violence #blood #injuries #uhh idk what else to tag it w/#think ace marineford fanart lvl description of injuries #i think im gonna write the marco & sabo scene bc i really love it #be warned. poetic devices are headed ur way lol #sadfic //

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