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nari-writes · 6 months

Note

What's a fic you want to write but are scared of?

Oh man. Aw man. I presume you mean something like "dang this is gonna be massive and I don't want to dive into it" but.

But.

This is a perfect excuse to segue into: I don't want to write this fic because I'll stick my foot in it. 'Cause of the relationship focus (PLATONIC!) that would just. The two factions of people who would see it would Both be angry/annoyed. Reading comprehension in this decade is horrendous. And I don't want to get death threats from people who won't read my explanation/won't get that I'm doing this for comedic purposes and ALSO as someone who ships a tiny-ass rarepair I do not want to engage in the....adjacent queerbait of "this is possibly an inherently romantic concept but I am playing it ENTIRELY straight"???

And then ALSO I don't ship them so I also don't want to fall into the trap of my OWN DANG SELF where I LOVE writing romantic drama and will potentially-possibly actually-accidentally turn it romantic simply because I love writing pining so much. It could be fun! I can see why their dynamic would be SO PAINFUL (and fun) to ship but I don't, but I know writing this WOULD MAKE ME want pinning involved. Because I love writing Romance. I'm a goddamn romance/fluff/plot author. It'd be there. A spectre. Haunting me. Cackling in a little :3c fashion. I know myself. I know myself. I will fail. I'm weak and the internal pressure of writing this would lead SO well to pining and then I'd probably get attached because I can justify so much so easily and when I write people stuck in romance-esque situations I make it Work for what I Like and I DON'T want to do that because I DON'T want to con myself into shipping this.

"what the fuck are you talking about Nari," you ask, "and why the hell are you adding so many disclaimers before you even go into the fic idea???"

So Dick Grayson gets married to the Red Hood.

(this is platonic) (BEAR WITH ME) (THIS IS PLATONIC)

1 x Bludhaven Cop finds out that he's gonna get called upon to testify against the Red Hood and due to some absolutely WILD Shenanigans that will never make more than a singular mention in the fic, the Bludhaven court currently is running around with Diana's lasso of truth and/or some other artifact that makes it LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE to lie on the stand. You WILL tell the truth. It is great for weeding out false confessions. The crooked cops and judges are incensed and trying to get rid of this thing ASAP but Dick has spent months trying to keep it safe and Still Working and he- he can't get rid of it.

And if Dick Grayson, Bludhaven Cop, current third witness in a case revolving around the Red Hood, gets on that stand...Oh Fuck He Knows So Many Red Hood Secrets. He 👏 knows 👏 so 👏 many 👏 secrets 👏

So Dick Grayson, Bludhaven Cop, sleep-deprived and panicking, goes: FUCK.

Well I can't be forced to testify against my spouse.

Jason howls when he hears what Dick has decided. He is absoLUTELY going along with this, this is the dumbest shit his brother has gotten himself into, how the FUCK is he gonna explain it to his co-workers. Jason is DELIGHTED at how stupid Dick is being. This man's a moron.

"oh I need to work within the confines of the law" YOU ARE A VIGILANTE, DICK, says Jason, cackling. Steal the damn thing!

BUT IT'S BEEN SO HELPFUL FOR THE COMMUNITY AND DECREASED FALSE ARRESTS, says Dick, so, so sleepy and so so emotional as a result. I CAN'T TAKE AWAY THEIR HOPE, JAY.

They do not have a ceremony. Jason grabs one of his lieutenants to act as signatory/witness and they go to the one branch of city hall that's in Crime Alley because Dick needs it done now and the case is in a week. There are three leaks in the ceiling. They are taking advantage of Jason's reputation to a) skip the line and waiting period and b) convince the magistrate to accept Jason's so incredibly fake ID:

(Chew. Chew. Pop.

Dick kinda wishes there was a polite way to say 'hey can you spit your gum out before it makes my brain explode from how not-seriously you're taking this super serious matter?' but he has a feeling something will get lost in translation, and the look on the registar's face is already deadpan and unimpressed.

Chew.

"And that's your legal name?" she asks, and the gum pops. Jason tilts his helmet, and Dick can imagine his grin; can hear it when Jason says,

"Definitely a legal one."

"You file your taxes under the name 'Red Hood'?" she inquires, her drawl filled with such a level of derision that Dick knows why she's chewing gum, now. It's to highlight how much she doesn't give a shit. Why is every resident of Crime Alley like this?

Her name tag says her name is Monica - Monica, like this is a normal day with a normal person! - and there are four people behind him with cellphones. There's a security guard behind them with a cellphone. He's not even calling the cops, he's definitely just recording them. Dick wants to vibrate out of his skin.

"Yep," says Jason, popping the p obnoxiously. "I'm an LLC, baby."

"Look, Monica," Dick says, shoving the bystanders out of his mind and giving her his most charming grin. "When secret identities come into play, getting married is a bit difficult. Dick Grayson is definitely dating the Red Hood-," holy shit he finally managed it without sinking into the depths of his 'how the fuck did we end up here???' self-spiral! "-which means if I want to marry him I have to marry the Red Hood. If I suddenly show up with some new, random husband that doesn't have this shiny primary-coloured helmet, isn't it going to be a bit weird?" And here's the part he can actually say with sincerity, even if, in this context, it'll mean something different- "I love him. I want to get married. But I need to protect him. Please?"

Monica looks at him. She looks at Jason. She pops her bubblegum, and then reaches for her stamp.

"Congratulations," she says, and slides the wedding certificate under the glass. "Enjoy domestic bliss.")

(We #loveMonica. She cares just barely about the legalities of marrying a crime boss and is Not Paid Enough to Deal With Anything Else).

Anyway, other things that occur that @midnightluck and I talked about, everyone say <3 <3 to Lucky for having the funniest goddamn words. Wildly out of order/messy/random humour things that occur (under readmore because this post is INSANELY long):

Precinct is Not Surprised by Officer Grayson revealing he has a partner, due to conversations like this:

(phone rings) "Grayson here. Wha--oh, hi. What? No, I didn't touch your book, you know I don't read your books. No, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with Chaucer, I just don't have the time-- can we. Can we not. Look, I don't know, maybe it's on the nightstand where you left it after that concussion last week? No, not the one with the grenade drawer, though we do need to talk about that, how do you go through so many so fast? No, I know that, that's why the spare room is your armory, I don't have a problem with that--yes, I know, but that doesn't mean-- ugh. You know what. No, I'm at work. This can wait. Uh huh. Uh huh. No, I want Thai. Thai. You owe me satay for this and you know it. What? Yes, we're still on the Robinson case; whatcha got for me? Uh huh. Uh huh. Really, them? Oh, I know that address, isn't that that warehouse where Timmy--yeah, haha, right? Oh, right? For sure. Let's get that picture printed; he'll hate it. Uh huh. Okay, gotta go, some of us have a day job--no one pays you to be a zombie, okay? Okay, see you at home. Bye."

Reasons why people think it is the Red Hood:

police officer Dick is doing a thing at work and suddenly! The Red Hood appears at his raid/bust/whatever! And he's all "drop the weapons or I'll get another duffle bag" and Dick goes, "Everyone chill a sec," pulls out his phone and is like, "Hey, Red Hood, are you in Blud right now?"

"No? You know I've got that thing at the harbour tonight. Why would I be in Blud?"

"Well, I've got a Red Hood and that's definitely your jacket and hood he's wearing, like, a couple iterations ago but it's yours. You piss off any magic users lately? Trip into any time slips? Dimensional mirrors?"

"No? Shit, when's he from, can you tell?"

"It's that jacket with the high collar, with the stain on the sleeve, you know the one? The red piping?"

"Huh. I haven't worn that one since two summers ago, so careful, he might be riding green?"

"Lemme check. One sec--hey! Mr Hood! How do you feel about Tim?"

"…Tim who?"

"…That's not me."

"That's not you. It's not a time dimensional thing, is it, mr Hood. You're just a copycat."

"I bet he found an old safe house, he stole my shit--Hey, asshole! Wait, am I on speaker? Put me on speaker. Hey, copycat! I want my stuff back! And I'm coming to get it!"

and later when the precinct has gotten sort-of-used to Dick Grayson "being married" to a vigilante:

Grayson and partner walk out the station doors and Red Hood descends upon them, gun out, gets right up in Dick's face and says "I swear to god Dickolas if you leave your wet towel on the ground one more time I will start washing it with peppers and make you regret everything."

2. The Precinct All So Fully Aware of Dick Grayson's secrets yeah man they all know it! Dick Grayson is....dating the Red Hood!

"Grayson? Yeah, he's dating the Red Hood, they're basically married--"

"W h a t, we are not--how--what--"

"oh shit, my bad man, y'all broke up? Sorry to hear it. Anyway, Grayson is the Red Hood's ex--"

"I'M NOT."

"-you're still together?"

"We were never together!"

(precinct decides to set up Officer Grayson and the Red Hood because OBVIOUSLY they've got a bond.png)

"you can encourage him away from crime, grayson!!!"

"I can't encourage him to do shit," dick grumbles, "i cant even get him to have a shower if he doesn't feel like it." (dick ignoring the times he has actively bullied jason into taking care of himself)

Every single not-dirty cop is just: no no of COURSE Grayson won't admit it. That's not fair! He loves being a cop. It must be so hard to balance justice with love.

3. married behaviour: Dick Grayson is Never Beating the Allegations

the Red Hood waltzing into the Blud police station all "here to see Grayson please--that way? (The guns are out but then he asks for Grayson and everyone's like oh shit yeah we wanna see this first hand) "Thanks. Dickiebird! Honey bun! Your forgot your lunch at home, puddin' pie!"

"…what."

"now, now, all these nice folks here have told me we're together, so we must be, mustn't we?"

"No?"

"Oh? You don't want your delicious lunch I handmade for you out of love?"

"…I…didn't say that…"

("Don't you love me?" Jason asks, and every single warning sign yells: this is a trap!! Dick contemplates burying his face in his hands.

"At work?" he says instead, wishing he could transplant his pain so Jason would stop finding such joy in his embarrassment.

"Oh, so you aren't bummed you forget your wonderful home cooked lunch at home? You're happy for me to turn around and take your lunchbox back home with me?"

Roll back- his what?

Jason smacks a bento box on his desk, the clear lid showing off tiny red sausages cut into mini replicas of Jason's helmet and tiny guns, and Dick chokes. Jason's face, he can imagine, is gleeful; his tone certainly gives it away. "And after I put in so much effort…"

"No, no, I love you," Dick says, lunging for the box and mentally discarding the stale coffee and sandwich made with slightly-off meat that he'd been planning to get from the cafeteria.)

Gives him the lunch, goes to kiss him on the head but with the helmet he just straight up bonks him painfully, waltzes out again. "See you later for dinner, sweetheart!"

"Sooo, Grayson…"

"can we arrest him? Why aren't we arresting him? He's super wanted, let's arrest him."

"Please, like we'd get involved in your domestic affairs"

Dick torn between Homemade food and god jay why are you doing this. Do you exist only to make him suffer. Why are you the most evil sibling.

The fake is the biggest one, the kickstart, because how would officer Grayson know that wasn't hood unless he knew the red hood well? - but then it's bits and pieces, that Dick doesn't even do consciously, and then Jay finding out and the Lunch Situation Dick gets called in by his captain and he's like no sir I swear sir it's not, I'm not-

I'm doing an undercover op

His captain, not buying that shit for a minute: uh-huh

Barbara: "okay but Deathstroke was bad enough, now you're going after the Red Hood? You've got a dangerous type, boy wonder"

"babs why are you doing this to me"

"don't pretend you don't know >:/"

babs hanging in the bludhaven office during Dick's lunchbreak and ABSOLUTELY supports more rumours. She's Dick's best friend!!! Of course SHE'D know about Dick's ~paramour~.

Dick is going to hide under his desk and Never Ever Come Out Again

His captain realising red hood is less violent when Grayson's on the scene and finally awkwardly is like "look….if it's because the Precinct isn't a safe space for you…"

"IF I REALLY WAS DATING A CRIMINAL IT SHOULDNT BE A SAFE SPACE."

so his co workers start working around it but then Dick gets into a situation where he'd Have to testify and he's like. Shit. and he goes NOPE SORRY CAN'T DO IT, CAN'T TESTIFY AGAINST MY SPOUSE WHO IS. THE RED HOOD. :) MY SPOUSE THE RED HOOD. (is dying)

Moment of quiet then "wait who won the pot? Was it Johnson? Mick, you owe me $20 personally--"

Jason is going to be insufferable.

But also yes, Dick getting wildly congratulated for "finally managing to put a ring on it" or some shit and he's like/ Don't put your head in your hands don't put your head in your hands, don't --

"So how'd you two meet?"

1: "he stole my dad's tires so we kidnapped him" (true)

2: "he attempted to kill my little brother and also my dad" (true)

3: "he saved me from a mugging?" (Embarrassing lie)

and you KNOW he has to say 3 tho, the other two may have come up earlier about Jason and he canNOT let anyone connect them

The bullpen dissolving into yelling as everyone tries to sort out bets. Dick being asked who/how popped the question.

4. Dick Grayson and "I was trying to infiltrate the dirty cops of the precinct but goddamnit being Red Hood's fiance has revealed there are so many of them- and now they're throwing me a stag party. great.

Dick trying to salvage any of his dignity: Red Hood proposed. He was very romantic about it. Read me Shakespeare. Threatened to maim my enemies. Very sweet

"awww.. it's really great that he's so enamored with you Grayson, you deserve it :))"

"and you stopped him at only maiming!!! Dude, nice!!"

"yep. That was his (grits teeth) proposal gift. No more killing."

Jason, busting into their apartment later: DID YOU TELL PEOPLE YOU WERE ENGAGED TO THE RED HOOD?

Except Jason busts in on a contingent of tipsy and delighted cops. Who are like oh!!! Grayson friend!! Celebrate with us!

Jason forcibly cuddled and celebrated with, trying to yell at dick in code: "YOU'RE MARRYING THE RED HOOD? ARE YOU CRAZY? WHAT ABOUT HIS REPUTATION."

Dick: "I CAN'T TESTIFY AGAINST HIM JAY. HE'S IMPORTANT TO ME."

Cop: "Wait you didn't tell your brother you were gonna have a wedding?!?"

"It was- it was a city hall thing! It's hard to be discreet- Hood didn't want witnesses-"

"Not gonna want witnesses for what happens next either," jason mumbles.

5. Tim Does Not Need to be Blackmailed into Humiliating Dick:

"Here to see Grayson please. That way? Thank you." (deep breath) "D--Dick?"

"Tim? Timmy, oh no, why are you crying, what's wrong, Tim, what--"

"How could you?"

"Little bird no, what did I do, Timmybird talk to me--"

"You're dating a supervillain? What if you get hurt??? Dick, this isn't like you!"

"...how much is he paying you."

"How could you think that of me!"

"Oh. What's he blackmailing you with?"

"I JUST WANT YOU TO BE CAREFUL," Tim howls, scrubbing his eyes and using his stupid babyface to great effect and Dick's gonna kill both of them

Dick finally get him to "calm down" and as they hug and say bye, Tim whispers, "if you think this isn't the funniest shit I've participated in all year you're out of your mind. Blackmail isn't required."

Dick, uncomfortably aware that Tim will help Jason stir the pot in cackling delight if he thinks something's funny, is not comforted by the fact that they're bonding. He is immediatly right, because he later finds pictures of himself drooling on Jason's shoulder, but they've been edited so Jason has on the hood. Several guys in the precinct think it's very sweet

("Aww I just thought Dick would like some family photos for his desk, y'know, officer John? Let him know we support him🥺")

6. Post-wedding wedding gift from the precinct:

"We had a whiparound for you, Grayson; here."

"…Uh. What."

"Well since you're with the Red Hood--"

"UH!?"

"--right, since you're totally not with the Red Hood and have no contact with vigilantes ever and James totally didn't see anyone crawl through your window the other night bleeding, we got you a good first aid kit. So you can learn and be a more supportive boyf--I mean. Just in case. First aid kits are a good staple of any mixed household :)"

Dick later delivering it: "Guys at the precinct got us a wedding present. It's a first aid kit."

"Oh? Cool, we're out of Oxy anyway, good timing--"

"it doesn't have Oxytocin in it, Jay, that's a controlled substance, they're cops!"

"Well then what use is it!"

"Its usefulness isn't the point! Anyway, they themed it."

"WAIT THEY DID WHAT" (immediately delighted and digging through the kit)

Someone has individually drawn tiny red hood helmets on the bandaids

A note like "eyo dick, washable red pen works rlly well if u wanna write notes to your beau on these too"

Jason cackles and puts a bandaid on his perfectly fine helmet because he's so charmed

Dick goes into work one day with a black eye, a small cut on his forehead, and a Red Hood bandaid over it. Jason has written a tiny message on the bandaid like "healing kisses applied".

One of the secretaries who works DV cases very worriedly and subtly approaches him but Dick just immediately says, "No I got mugged, he saved me"

"damn. You get mugged a lot in front of him huh-"

"Well I have that kinda face, I guess"

"good thing you've got someone to save you!"

"…Yes. It's a good thing I get saved. Yes indeed. Love it."

(gasp) "Is this a flirting thing???"

7. Dick Grayson Has a Type, don't you know?

Red Hood manages a short appearance with just the domino, not the hood, and he's dyed his hair temporarily red

(this backfires: Dick shamelessly takes the opportunity to glomp on and brag about his super smart so strong really amazing (little bro)

"he can bench me!! It's so cool! And he's so supportive when he does I feel so safe in his arms :)))"

"you're a loser and I'm gonna hurt you."

"and my enemies~")

8. FAMILY DINNER, BABY

Bruce: so. I heard something interesting the other day. The bludhaven Precinct got to celebrate an engagement

Dick: no

Bruce: congratulations, Dick

Jason, also lowkey dying bc he figured bruce would know but was also kinda not expecting him to bring it up in front of the WHOLE ENTIRE FAMILY

Bruce: I'm sure you've put plenty of thought into your....choice.

Dick: I'm going to self combust and then you won't have a son OR a dining room table. Is that what you want? Is that what you want, Bruce?

Bruce: I just wish you'd invited more family than just. Jason.

Dick: you're dead to me

Jason, mumbling: hey tbf I had to be there

Bruce: "I want you to know I support you, no matter what. Just because Red Hood is--"

Jason: "what, a vigilante? A zombie? A mass murderer? What am I, Bruce?"

Bruce: "--male, I don't see you any differently. You're my son, no matter who you love."

Bruce: I just wish- well, no, it was your choice. But I hope you know a private wedding won't get you out of wedding gifts.

Jason/Dick: nO

Bruce: I took the liberty of having them delivered already :)) And if you would- Just a small ceremony, in the backyard--it would mean a lot to Alfred, and to me--

Jason: OLD MAN WHAT DID YOU DO

Dick: there better be a return policy---

and because it's fucking Bruce he's absolutely using the excuse to get them So Much Fancy Bitch Shit

(And a dog 🐕)

Bruce: a home for a family :))) if you'd like. I know the Red Hood cares deeply for children. --and you know how I feel about your place in Blud, Dick, it's no place to start a family.

Dick: "Please don't tell me you bought us an apartment."

Bruce: "Don't be silly, boys. I bought the whole building. it'll give hood plenty of space to store his things away from the kids!"

Jason: what kids.

Bruce: well, I always presumed, from red hood's behaviour, he'd quite like a few children. Even just to foster.

Alfred coming out stone faced, "congratulations on your nuptials, master Dick. Felicitations."

Dick: "Not you too."

Alfred: Miss Gordon informed me.

Alfred, sounding disappointed as fuck: I'm glad I was informed by someone.

Jason: Bruce I'm absolutely gonna bury you

Bruce: may I meet my grandchildren first?

Bruce: Anyway that was Dick's present. Please give this to Mr Grayson-Hood--oh, did you not hyphenate? I assumed you would, apologies. It's full tuition to Blud U for however long he wants. Do give him my best wishes too.

And then Bruce just. So soft. "And please make sure he knows he's always welcome, if he'd like to join us for family dinners. No matter his profession or choices."

I feel like this line would be Way Too Much for Jason and he'd storm off tho 🥺 and Dick would have to go get him to Chill out.

"it's just Bruce. You know what he's like."

"Overbearing and insufferable?" Jason sneers, hands curled around his elbows, and being "married" has been awkward but at least it's finally started to mend the physical distance Jason's been keeping. Dick knows, when he slings his arm around Jason's shoulders and pulls him in close, that Jason isn't going to go stiff and angry.

"Hey. I have an idea on how to make you feel better," he says with a tease, and Jason grunts. "Okay, no, little wing hear me out. How are we gonna get divorced?"

#dick Grayson #jason todd #red hood #nightwing #batfam #batfam fic #fic ideas i probably won't write #ask aussie #aussie's anons #dc comics #batman #bruce wayne #batdad #they have the emotional intelligence of a set of teaspoons <3 #anyway. 🤫 whaaaat me sending this ask to me own self so I have an excuse to talk about this au? you'll never know!#dick grayson & jason todd #nari is writing

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nari-writes · 6 months

Note

Trick or treeeeaaaat darling~

ahH but how am I supposed to put anything here when you've read/know so much of my stuff!!! okay, okay; I think this was an opbb/fic&art project I was gonna do with @babblebuzz aaaaaages ago: a mishmash of fairytales and a curse to go along with.

“Hey! Hey, you! Squirt with the scar!”

Luffy made a confused noise in the back of his throat before looking around, eyes scanning the horizon for where the voice might have come from. “Me?” he asked the empty sky, wondering if someone was stuck in the clouds, and heard a grumbled,

“Yes you, dumbass! Up here!”

Luffy made a confused noise, looking around and then taking a cautious step forwards. “Up...where?”

“Here you idiot! In the huge fucking tower right in front of you!”

Luffy took another step forwards, jolting to a sudden stop as he banged into something. As though his touch was the catalyst, bricks began to form under his hands, and Luffy could see a tower begin to form in front of him, reaching high into the sky. “Cooooool,” he said, craning his head back so that he could try and find the top, and saw in the distance what looked like a man hanging out of the side of the tower.

“Fucking finally,” he heard the man say, and then watched as the man wriggled further out of what appeared to be a window, basically hanging out of it. “Hey!” he called down to Luffy, and Luffy gave a questioning noise in the back of his throat, holding his hand to his head. Surprisingly his hand met fluffy hair instead of-

A something. What something? he wondered, but found himself quickly distracted by the man in the tower yelling, “You better catch me!”

“Catch you!?” Luffy yelped, backing up frantically and looking around for what he could use to break this man’s apparent fall. “I can't catch you, you're like twenty feet in the air!”

“It's better than thirty,” the man said, and then jumped out the window. Luffy quickly scrambled underneath the tower with a yelp, holding his arms out in a vain attempt to catch this strange, tower-bound man.

He seemed to glitch half-way down the tower, vanishing from Luffy’s sight, and then suddenly he was back up at the window again and Luffy frowned, staring up at him in confusion.

“I thought you were jumping!” he called out, and received an incoherent yell of fury in return.

Hopping backwards, Luffy scurried around the tower, trying to find a door, but even doing a full lap revealed nothing. He contemplated going around again, but the man called out with a heavy sigh,

“There's no way to get in.”

“The window’s a way to get in!” he called back and heard a bark of laughter.

“You said it yourself, it's like twenty feet in the air!”

Luffy hummed under his breath, taking a step closer to the tower and peering at the bricks. They looked old and crumbly, with tiny flowers growing in the cracks, but if they were strong enough to hold up a tower than surely they'd be strong enough to hold up him. He stepped back and stripped off his armour, rotating his shoulder back with a small grin of relief as the weight on his lithe body vanished, and then cracked his knuckles before approaching the tower again.

“Hey, what are you doing?” the man demanded, and Luffy grinned at him before hooking his hands into the rocks.

“It's not thirty feet!” he said, and then began to climb up, muscles bunching and shifting easily beneath his skin as he climbed.

“You dumbass, get off!” the man called. “What if you fall?”

“Eh, I'll probably be fine,” Luffy called back, sweat dripping down his back and focusing on what to grab next. His muscles had started to ache faintly with the strain, but he was half-way up, and was starting to pick out the man’s sharp features. “Oh yeah, I'm Luffy by the way!”

“You're a dumbass, that's who you are,” the man shot back, and Luffy gave a huff of a laugh, sweat dripping into his eye and making him blink, wishing he could wipe his forehead.

“Who’re you?” Luffy asked, and heard a grumbling sigh.

“Zoro.”

He's the demon bounty hunter - Roronoa Zoro!

Luffy shook his head, pausing in his climb to try and chase the faint memory ringing in his ears.

“Hey, are you okay?” Zoro asked worriedly, and Luffy shook his head again, dismissing it. He must've heard it while travelling!

He ignored the fact that he couldn't truly remember when he'd first started travelling. It must've been quite a long time ago.

“You have a cool name!” he said as he started climbing again, ignoring the pain growing in his fingertips as he clawed in the bricks for a grip, and Zoro snorted.

“You have a brain the size of a pea.”

“Hey!” Luffy cried indignantly, pouting up at Zoro and surprised to find how close he was, “You're the one stuck in a magic tower!”

Zoro glared at him, face sucked in fouly, “It wasn't my fault! I finished my part of the deal, to stay up here for a month with nothing, but they just decided to keep me up here for their stupid princess to rescue.”

“Well I'm not a princess, so I dunno if I should be saving you then,” Luffy muttered, reaching up and then finding that his arm went straight through the window. Zoro’s calloused hands gripped his arm, and Luffy squirmed over the edge of the window with Zoro’s help.

With a heave, he made it over the top, but Zoro yanked his arm to hard and Luffy found himself pulled straight into Zoro’s chest, sending both of them to the ground. He landed with an oof, and then laughed, peeling himself up and taking in Zoro’s glare.

-----

“Nice scar!” he chirped, his fingertips going to graze the long edge of torn skin he could see at Zoro’s shoulder, but Zoro’s hand clamped around his wrist, moving him away.

“Don’t touch that,” he said, and then paused, staring at Luffy’s hand for a moment before he shook his head. “Look, thanks for comin’ to keep me company, or whatever, but this isn’t helpful. I’m trying to get out, not get other people trapped with me.”

“We’ll figure something out!” Luffy replied, and then rolled off Zoro’s chest, bouncing to his feet and going to peer around the room. “Woooow, you have a lot of stuff!”

Zoro sat up with a grunt, massaging his back with a wince and then rotating his shoulder back, easing stiff muscles. “Most of it was here already,” he said, before heaving himself to his feet. “Probably from the last ‘princess’ they kept locked up here.”

“Wooah, that’s weird.” Luffy said, then shrugged and pouted. “I guess my kingdom isn’t any better. People there keep turning mean and getting grumpy because of the cold, and so did my best friend, so I came out to save him. I think.” He hummed under his breath thoughtfully, a faint headache growing as he tried to think about why that story felt somehow wrong, but the sight of the mirror behind Zoro made him nod decisively. His fluffy vest and long sleeves were proof that he’d come from somewhere cold, even if his sandaled feet seemed to disprove that.

Plus, if he’d planned on travelling, where were all his supplies?

Maybe he’d eaten them all. That was a possibility.

---

His armour glinted bright in the sunlight, catching his eye as he carefully polished the front plate, and Luffy hummed under his breath as he moved the small red cloth in slow circles, distracted by the gleam and tracing the curvy engravings with his fingertip.

---

and the plot notes!

Land on an island that has fairy tales that constantly loop thanks to the grand line being fucky. Usopp tells some stories abt their adventures and the island falls in love w/ them and wants to keep them

Erases their memories and puts them in fairy tales

Lu gets put as a knight to defend people but he doesnt want to, so instead he makes friends with the dragon and goes off to explore starts fucking up fairy tales

Rescues zoro from his tower before zoro’s princess can do it so the princess decides to use her skills to create an army and “save” zoro (this is the army vivi later ends up fighting)

They camp out a nice rich lady’s house, bc the master of the house is paranoid abt her safety. Find out she's been talking to this strange fluffy creature & a long-nosed boy

She flies away with the dragon and the fluffer and the boy and zoro and luffy have to chase after them. Luffy hitches a sling-shot lift and then is like hey woah what? I'm. Super stretchy?

Talk to chopper and usopp and decide to go for adventures. Fight off kuro/hook and take Kaya home.

The owner of the house thought they were kidnapping kaya tho and so they get chased off. Kaya laughs and promises to help visualise chopper’s dream and make a book of cures

Shadow!Brook gives them a bit of help escaping

They bolt for it!!! Cute travel stories and also some dejavu. Zoro and luffy sleeping cuddled together and fluffy chopper and cute!!!!

They get lost bc someone lets zoro lead and they complain like “why do we let him do this EVERY time???” and someone else is like dude this is the first time. And then they pause and they're like huh, why’d i say that. Oh well!

They stumble across a castle!

Sanji was cursed to be a beast bc he stole some magic bears’ porridge. They're pretty cool tho and have been teaching him how to cook. The crew gets invited in and fed. Zeff and the cooks are the bears!

Gin shows up and confesses that they're going to attack the place bc they're so hungry and also afraid of the monster they heard lives there.

Sanji wants to prove he's not a monster and also he hates the thought of them hungry and so feeds them. Turns back into a human but the army still attacks and says there's treasure inside. Gin helps them defend the place.

They chill at the palace for a while and luffy keeps getting Weird Feelings whenever he eats sanji’s food. Sanji runs into a mermaid and falls in love with her!

Said mermaid turns out to be nami and tries to rob the place but Brook alerts everyone before they vanish / scares nami a bit bc skeleton!

They fight arlong the magical fishdick who’d uspured the other ruler and killed bellemere and blackmailed nami, and nojiko becomes queen of atlantis and gives nami some killer magic powers + the ability to shapeshift between human & mer

They go travelling again bc nami’s like I'm bored here and i want more to steal. They run into what looks like an abandoned workshop and find a huge robot that luffy bangs into. Nami recharges it w/ her lightning powers and he splutters to life. Brook’s with them at that point bc it's dark and he's chillin out bc he misses his crew.

THE ISLAND IS UPSET BC THEY KEEP FUCKING WITH THE STORIES

Sends a tornado to whisk them apart and the guys end up getting forcibly/accidentally enlisted in the vivi vs tashigi war. ZORO AND LU THINK THE OTHER IS DEAD ;3 👍

Nami lands near vivi as she's practicing to be a boy (mulan style) and there's lots of yelling but then nami agrees to help her and we get some na/vi interactions and then they basically all run into each other again and become this super effective task force.

Vivi defeats the evil army and saves her dad and lu&co help out. Lu and zoro don't run into each other until they have to save vivi’s dad from croc, who'd partnered with tashigi and has been lying to her about the state of vivi’s country bc he wants to take it over

There's a lot more almost near death experiences and croco is not like normal, he's a hell of a lot more powerful.

Brook leaves them messages on tashigi’s army’s plan.

ZORO ACCIDENTALLY ENLISTED FOR TASHIGI’S WAR AND DOESN'T REALISE UNTIL HE RUNS INTO LU AND SO THEY DEFECT

They keep crocodile’s ass and tashigi and vivi make a peace treaty. Tashigi realises zoro’s the prince she was meant to rescue and wants to marry him (bc of the island) so she can become queen. Luffy is NOT HAPPY.

Brook nudges off a book that reveals some things about the royalty of the island, but also some things about the island being sentient and liking to put people in stories, and that it chooses who’s royalty.

Zoro suggests holding a ball to find tashigi and bride/groom and brook facepalms bc the book ALSO said if tashigi rescued zoro from something he'd be king but all zoro took was that it had to be part of a story and the only story he could remember was cinderella.

Robin’s stepmother has magic that makes robin do whatever she says and orders robin to clean and she isn't allowed to read. She forbids robin from going to the dance but brook breaks the spell and helps her go ;u;

Franky and robin get to dance together and be Huge Dorks

Robin runs away at midnight but the whole crew ends up following after bc franky’s like i know that woman!

Stepmother reveals she got home from the ball before robin and orders Robin to stay in her room and never leave. Sanji says keeping such a beautiful woman locked away is a crime

Stepmother starts to morph into a monster and everyone’s like akfgofng what ?????

But it's gonna hurt robin so they fight it. The monster orders robin to fight them. Luffy bear hugs her and usopp covers her eyes and the monster appears to be losing so it orders robin to jump off her tower window. The island wants a prince to rescue her and so forcibly throws her up there. But chopper’s the one who saves her bc he can fly.

Everyone questions how that happened and the island morphs with the monster so it can talk to them and reveals everything.

The island confesses that it thought they would be happy with their friends there and so brought their friends to them, and that it wants to keep them because they're interesting and they're bored of the real characters. Luffy says that everyone should be allowed to choose their own path and make their own adventures, and then the island won't get bored.

The island is kind of like a little kid!!! And agrees and the stepmother goes back to normal and the island turns into a little kid and starts mumbling that they'll try to be better and let people have their own adventures. Very The Collector from The Owl House vibes

And then they leave the island! ♡

Brook keeps his memories but can't say anything about it. The island was a little scared of the skellington )): it doesn't like horror stories and so it just kinda banished him. too bad for the island that brook still has his df powers and can shadow poof everywhere

#ask aussie #midnightlucky #zolu #trick or treat #opfanfic #nari is writing #another unfinished fic from the graveyard jhsjsh #ILY THO THANK YOU FOR THE ASK <3

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